#It's probably fair to say I've cried more in the past week than I have in the past 4 years

[becca-e-barnes]

I've been really caught up in the thought of gentler, intimate sex recently and the thought of it almost slipping into body worship. I write a lot about men appreciating a feminine body but there's something so lovely in slowing down and truly taking time to appreciate the man you're being intimate with.

I think it’d so grounding to have slow, passionate sex with dbf!bucky.  The type where even the pleasure of sex and mutual orgasms comes second to the pleasure of just feeling him.

Because I think being on top, almost just cockwarming him while you steal pleasure from the gentlest touches would be so rewarding.  His dick inside you has you feeling pleasantly full but for now, you’ve parked all thoughts of paying it any attention.

Instead, your fingers glide through his hair, parting it with very little resistance.  He’d let it get slightly longer recently but it suits him well, as do the few greys scattered through the roots.  It feels soft and with each little graze of your fingernails against his scalp, he groans quietly, his hips rising slightly off the bed to press himself impossibly deeper inside you.

He thrives off touch and that’s all you want to give him.  You want to touch him and never stop but as you tear your focus away from his hair, you let your hands wander lower.  Your fingertips drift over his cheeks, the light dusting of stubble feels coarse under your touch but it’s certainly not unpleasant.  Meeting his gaze makes your chest ache because you wonder how often the beautiful man under you sees himself the way you do.

He links his hands in yours, slotting your fingers together before bringing one of yours to his lips and kissing across your knuckles.  You didn’t expect this tenderness but God, you need it, almost as much as he does.

“You’re beautiful.”  No matter how many times you tell him, it never feels right. It's not the word you're looking for but saying nothing would feel like more of a crime than being inarticulate.  

He chuckles quietly to himself and doesn’t say much, watching as you grind your hips, seemingly desperate to remind yourself of the fact his length has found a home in your body.

“You feel perfect.”  Your voice is shaky, rational thought consumed by the feeling of pleasure thrumming through your veins once more.  Your soft, wet cunt glides down on his length like you were made to fit together like this.

His strong hands land on your hips, guiding your rhythm, keeping you moving nice and slowly.  In the meantime, your hands drift from his bare shoulders, down to the expanse of his chest.  Your fingertips tease the tiny, soft curls of hair across the breadth of his chest but you’re entirely consumed by the heat of his body.  He’s so warm and it’s a very pleasant reminder that you really are here with him. You have all the time in the world. 

Reaching the centre of his chest, you feel the gentle thumping of his heart under the flat palm of your hand and for a moment, it all just feels so real.  There’s nowhere else you’d rather be than right there in the room you share.

“Baby…” He groans, his voice low, arching his hips off the bed to fuck himself into you because you’ve been so distracted, you let your mind wander.

Fuck, that feels good.  The tip of his dick nudges perfectly against your sweet spot, right where you need it and you feel yourself flutter in response.

“Good girl, just hold still. That's it. Good girl.”  You do as you’re told, letting him thrust into you from below, losing himself in a way that you only want to encourage because it feels incredible for you too.

Your fingertips desperately try to dig into his chest and you notice how his skin dimples under your frantic touch.  Every one of your thoughts are about this man in that moment.  Nothing else crosses your mind and nothing else matters.  You’re consumed by the smell of his aftershave, the heat of his body and the glide of his cock in and out of you.

“Touch yourself.”  He encourages, his teeth gritted, holding back for your sake.  He’d usually take the opportunity to touch you himself but this time he needs you to do it and you’re more than happy to.  “Please, fuck, I’m so close.”

Hearing him broken like that makes you wetter than you thought possible.  He’s always so stoic.  He never loses control.  He’s calm and reserved and admired for his composure but not when he’s inside you.  You’re the only person who gets to hear how he sounds when his self-control slips away and it’s beyond rewarding.

Your fingers circle your own clit, rubbing yourself while Bucky continues to thrust up into you. He's so close to losing it. He's hanging on by a thread, promising to fill you, to stuff you full and make you a mother.

He knows you far too well and you're cumming within a few minutes, mindlessly riding out your orgasm on his dick. His need comes second for just a moment, pleasure making your body tighten and throb around his.

You vaguely register that he's cumming too, shortly after you do. You feel his hips stutter and then the telltale pulses of his cum into your body. He groans, holding your trembling thighs to keep you in place until he's given you everything he can.

[sarcasticbabywhispererjess]

*trigger warning* For those not in the headspace to see about grief and pets just skip this one.

Isis has been declining health-wise over the last year or so, more severely the past couple of months. I honestly wasn't sure she was going to make it into the new year or her birthday (a week ago). The only reason she's even been eating the last few months is because I've been making her chicken and eggs with toast and cheese twice a day. Occasionally she'll be hungry enough to eat a little dog food, but it has been rare. But the fact that she still wants to eat a majority of the time gave me solace.

Her mobility has also gotten worse. Specifically her back end. She struggles to get up on the couch... and stay on the couch when she lays down too close to the edge (she just slides off onto the floor if I don't manually move her over). Our walks are really slow going (30-45mins/mile). The last couple of days she's really been struggling and has been pretty agitated too. Just walking in circles. Yesterday I think she was doing that outside and she fell off our little patio into a small garden plot. She couldn't get herself up alone. I gave her trazodone Monday night because she was so agitated. For some reason this kills her mobility, so I had to carry her up the stairs to go potty even in the morning.

I don't mind doing all of these things for her (I haven't even mentioned the amount of indoor potty accidents I've had to clean up... which also sometimes include a bath) because I love her. But I don't think she's even remotely having a good time anymore. I thought when she stopped eating, I'd know. Or when she wouldn't go for walks, I'd know. People have been telling me that I'd know when it was time. She's still eating and going for walks, but she's so agitated at night (sometimes during the day) and just seems like she's not having a good time.

So I think it's time. Time to let her go. Which is hurting my heart so much to even think about. I know it is an act of love to stop her suffering, but to suddenly be without my only constant companion of almost 16 years is going to be so hard. I know it is selfish to be thinking of my own comfort in this situation, though I doubt it is all that unique of me.

I emailed my vet last night about the situation and they replied this morning asking me when I'd like to come in. I've been crying and torturing myself about the decision for the last two hours. To think that this time Friday or Saturday she'll be gone depending on my decision. I considered maybe we could just wait until after I finish my work week. But that means the earliest we'd probably do it would be Thursday of next week. Would it be fair to Isis to make her suffer for another week just for me? I don't think she's in any considerable physical pain, but mentally she's doesn't seem great. Like her doggy dementia is also getting worse. I considered maybe she had another UTI, but she doesn't have any other symptoms.

If I'm honest, I think in the back of my mind I'm hoping that if I wait maybe she'll just pass on her own and I won't have to make the decision. I've been back and forth between emailing the vet to set a date and emailing to say I want to wait until next week. I don't know what to do.

This venting/trauma dump has gone on way longer than I had planned. No decision has been made, but I've cried many more tears.

[shamelessler]

Being human was definitely overwhelming. In some instances Bill's increased senses were satisfying and intruiging, such as slamming a hammer onto the back of his hand or swan diving from the balcony.

Granted those both ended in Mabel fussing over him for days. Then there was the other side of feelings that were absolutely agonizing (as if breaking all your bones isn't agonizing).

There was of course the pain of being unable to quiet down an irritatingly loud room, feeling trapped in a small space, gross textures, crying. Crying was his least favorite part of being human.

He sat up in the spare room of the Mystery Shack currently bawling his eyes out. Strangely enough, crying always made him feel better once the tears had finally come to a stop, but the guilt always followed him soon after.

He remembered laughing coldly in the face of his victims tears, and he felt an odd sense of hypocricy that clawed at his insides. It felt an awful lot like remorse.

"Bill, it's time for your check up." Came the weathered voice of his former rival, Ford. Bill quickly attempted to wipe his tears away and forced a smile onto his face. "Hey Sixer. Is it time already to invade my personal space once again?"

"You lost your right to personal space when you decided to be the ring leader of the apocolypse." Ford deadpanned. Fair enough.

Bill sighed before swinging his legs off of where he was perched to follow the taller man downstairs into his lab.

Out of all the people who disliked having Bill as a guest, Ford probably hated it the most. Dipper always seemed to be on constant alert as well but he was more scared of Bill than Ford was.

It had irritated Bill to no end by the fact that Ford treated him like a beaten old dog, harmless without his powers. It irritated him even more to know that Ford was correct.

"Checking me for any powers is pointless, I hope you know that," Bill reminded, "if I had my powers I'd be out of here faster than you could say Axolotl."

As expected, Ford completely ignored Bill's sass and pretended like he hadn't said anything. "You've been crying." Ford stated matter of factly. This caught Bill so off gaurd that he choked out, "How did you know?"

He swore he could've seen a smug smile from Ford which made his blood start to boil. With what, he wasn't quite sure... "Your eyes are red and puffy. I used that much to deduce that you were crying, isn't that right?"

"I wasn't crying. I've never cried, I'm not like you meat bags." Bill said confidently. Ford rolled his eyes as he lifted Bill up and plopped him on the examination table like he weighed nothing--which, he probably did. Human food didn't agree with him-- before his face softened.

The look was uncomfortably familiar to Bill, it was a look of pity. He'd gotten it countless times in the past two weeks by Mabel but seeing it from Ford of all people was unnerving.

"You do realize that you are one of us now, right? And that means you are vulnerable to the same softness us humans possess. There's no use trying to hide it." Ford said sternly.

Bill squirmed uncomfortably on the table as Ford pressed a cold stethoscope to his bare chest. "I'd rather that nobody pictures me snivelling like an idiot."

Ford snorted, retreating the stethoscope from Bill and scribbling data onto his clipboard. "Too late."

Bill snarled at Ford, his fists tightening weakly. He tried his best to ignore Ford's snide remarks, he truly had, but he was just so infuriating! Despite knowing his weak strength, he kicked Ford square in the chest.

He was breifly satisfied by the sound of Ford grunting in pain and clutching his chest, before fear took over when he saw Ford lunge at him and sucessfully pin his arms.

Pain wasn't exactly Bill's concern at the moment, he was simply terrifyed of being humilated by the fact that he could not stop Ford even if he wanted to. "I wouldn't do that if I were you! I'll tell Shooting Star and you'll never hear the end of it." Bill threatened.

To his surprise, Ford smiled. "I'm not going to hurt you, Bill. I'm actually going to use something that Mabel would strongly approve of."

...What the hell did he mean by tha-

"W-Wait, no.. SIXER!" Bill burst out laughing after Ford placed one wiggling finger to his exposed armpit. "I thought that tickling would be much more effective." Ford teased. To Bill's horror, his face began to redden.

"You DI-" Bill was cut off by his own shrieking when all twelve of Ford's fingers came brushing past his sides. "Language, Bill. There are children here." Ford said seriously, but only Bill could detect the hint of amusement in his eye.

God, this was one of the most humiliating things he'd ever been through. More humiliating than being beaten by 12 year olds, even...

The worst part was he knew that with his depleted strength there was no hope at fighting back, and Ford gave him the wiggle room to try.

"Honestly I didn't know that this would work out so well," Ford commented in surprise, "Mabel told me she used tickling against you one time, but I didn't think she was actually serious."

Bill growled at Ford through his laughter. "T-This is cruhuel and unusual punishment, Sixer!" Ford smirked at those words and then traced lightly along Bill's waist, delighting by the snorting it produced.

"I think it's only fair. Now you're really getting the human experience." Ford chuckled. "Are you ready for the finale?" Bill's brow furrowed in confusion as the tickling came to a stop.

"Finale? What are you talking about?" Ford smoothed over the skin on Bill's tummy before taking in a cheeky breath. "A raspberry."

"The fruit? I don't see how that's- FUCKFUCKFUCK!!!" Bill dissolved into shrieking laughter as Ford brought his face down into the softness of Bill's stomach and nuzzled against it as he gave him one of the most diabolical forms of tickling Bill had ever come across.

Ford snickered inbetween raspberries, causing Bill to shake with laughter. "PLEHEHASE FORD!" Bill cried out as he squirming turned into melting and his maniacal laughter shifted to amused hysterics. Ford was caught off gaurd by the use of his real name and finally pulled away to which Bill audibly praised the Lord.

"Jesus, Bill. I tickled you so hard you turned religious?" Ford laughed, although this time there was only warmth lacing it. Bill felt himself involuntarily smiling brightly at the sound of it. "Shut up, Sixer. You know you're the same."

----------------------

A/N: sorry if this sucks fml.

[seggggga]

I'm currently reading Pet Semetary by Stephen King and, over the course of a few days, maybe a week, I've struggled to put it down. I've got about a chapter or two past part two of the book and it's just got so, incredibly intense and emotional to the point I've had to voluntarily place it down and stop reading.

(Spoilers under cut)

The book goes under the genre of horror, but a main element is grief as the book surrounds an Indian burial ground. So far, four people and a cat have died - this is only counting the main and recurring deaths, not the deaths of random rats or birds. Not many of them have really touched me (emotionally, but Victor's death was insanely graphic and gory and Zelda's had a fair share of squeamishness) apart from the most recent death; Gage's, the youngest child of the main family.

It wasn't the first mention of the funeral that teared me up, it was the events after and how his father -Louis-, mother -Rachel- and his sister, Ellie, reacted to it. Louis seemed the best out of all three of them, ignoring the fistfight with Rachel's father. Rachel and Ellie, however, seemed gravely affected. Rachel was often in hysterics and needed tranquilizers a couple of times. And Ellie was stuck in some sort of trance, holding the same photo and not speaking for days.

Louis' mind was obviously ready messed up with what happened with the family cat and all but this was just making him teeter off the edge of going completely insane. The specific vision of Gage at Disneyland was actually fairly emotional and when he and Ellie had a talk in the bathroom about the death. And how she cried for fifteen minutes, talking about God and how she'd eat Gage's cereal, watch his shows, sit in his chair and keep that Polaroid picture with her 24/7.

I only recently started getting into horror books, I got into movies a while ago. People say movies are worse over the fact the image is planted in your mind in a way, especially for gore. But, in my opinion, books are way worse psychologically over the fact you are imagining it and can morph it into whatever you want. This could lead to even more terrifying or scary imagines that the author intended. It messes with your mind way more than movies.

So far, it's a good book and I thoroughly recommend. Honesty, I'm getting into Stephen King and I'm considering buying IT or Carrie.

But, if you are wanting to introduce someone into horror, I don't consider starting with one of Stephen's. His books are amazing but are severe and could probably put someone off horror if they started off the bat with one of his works.

[beanswrites]

"A Second Chance I Didn't Want" Asra x MC, from "The Arcana"

You know how I usually say that whatever I'm posting here is a cute fluffy one-shot? Yeah, this is not it. This is probably the angstiest, sourest, saddest one-shot I've written in a LONG time. But hey, this anon right here did request for it to be angsty as heck! (And I took that personally)

My readers, after reading this one-shot: Have you ever considered... Therapy?

I'm warning you now, this is really triggering and might not be for some people. I cried while writing, if it matters. Yet, you can always check out my masterlist for loads of fluff!

Requests are open! Check out my rules for requesting (pinned post) before placing your request, or pick something from my prompts list!

Also available on AO3!!!

masterlist | rules for requesting | prompts list

Word count: 1300 words

Trope: Angst, Angst with an unhappy ending

Pairing: Asra Alnazar x gn! MC

AU: none

Warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide

Picture from Pinterest!

Another day passed, feeling like it lasted years. Sure, the saying was true: "Time flies when you are having fun" But each saying has its other side. Time also feels never-ending when you are miserable.

To be fair, MC wasn't miserable, yet they weren't happy either. The apprentice was very familiar with this feeling, the feeling of numbness. Lately, it's all they've been feeling. Nothing fazed and nothing bothered, nothing managed to bring a single tear or even a laugh. Oh, but how they tried.

Portia made MC's favorite dish every day. Every time she would see them, she'd always bring them a hot plate of the delicious food they liked so much in hopes of getting them to smile, even once. Just to get them to eat one little bite.

Nadia was the one who'd always invite them over for tea, or even for a quick stroll around Vesuvia. They did reply and went a couple of times, trying not to hurt the countess' feelings. But, lately, the pile of Nadia's lavender-scented invites was only getting bigger and bigger, as it was left untouched. For several weeks.

Julian took them out to the Rowdy Raven a couple of times, buying them beer and requesting their favorite songs to play. They used to love hanging out with everyone in the pub! Memories of the time MC was snorting with laughter would always overflow Ilya's mind whenever he returned to their favorite tavern. It was clear that those times were long gone.

And Asra.. Poor Asra! He's probably gone through most for MC. The way they were suffering was unbearable for him. The magician loved his apprentice with everything he had, and he wanted to make sure that the other half of his heart beating in their chest will never have to suffer an ounce of pain again. He noticed right away that something was off. That with each day, MC was getting greyer, losing that warm, happy aura they used to have.

He went through so many sleepless nights worrying that it was him. That he had done something wrong. Maybe he wasn't good enough of a partner? Good enough of a master for MC?

Soon, he realized it was far more complicated than that. It wasn't a particular person or a thing that did this to them. It wasn't even their fault! They tried their hardest every day, and Asra appreciated that. He was always there for them, talking, kissing, and cuddling the pain away. But it was never enough.

MC first changed once their memories were retrieved. Everybody knew they weren't doing fine even before that, but the change in their behavior was a lot more visible after that. They became quieter, more distant. It was obvious that something about their past haunted them.

Now, MC was sweeping the floor of their oh-so-quiet shop. They knew that Asra will be home soon. After he noticed they were hanging by a thread, he didn't dare to leave them alone for more than a day. Of course, that meant that his regular trips were cancelled since he had to get home to his MC.

All kinds of thoughts were pooling up in MC's mind. That's what being alone did to them - not having anybody to talk to, not having any quick repairs to cope. The scariest place in the world is your own mind. And their mind? Their mind was full of all sorts of dark places.

They didn't want this. MC didn't ask for this! The first chance, the first shot at this crazy little thing called life was enough, and they didn't need more. They fucked up that first chance, didn't they? For as long as they could remember, the never-ending sadness was there, swirling deep in their chest.

Some people understood. Their friends, their closest ones, completely understood the ache and the tears, and never judged the poor apprentice. But some people didn't understand. The people who'd say: "You have no right to be unhappy! You have everything, your life is great! You have a home, you have friends and a wonderful partner, why are you so miserable?!"

And unfortunately, MC listened. They did think they were crazy for a while. The people were right. They had everything anyone could ever ask for and more. Yet, the voices in their mind kept whispering: "They'd be better off without you.."

MC remembers how angry, how mad they've gotten at Asra for what he did. As if he did anything wrong! He just wanted to save the love of his life, he wanted a chance to reverse their horrible faith. But they didn't want to be saved. Instead of kissing and hugging him as the prize for what a hero he was, MC started crying about how he reversed the cards.

It wasn't as if MC wasn't grateful for everything Asra did. That gesture meant everything, it meant more than a thousand "I love you's" He's given them something many people can't even hope to have: A second chance. A second chance they didn't want.

Now, the worst guilt imaginable flew through their veins. A person they love gave up half of his heart for them, and they didn't even want it! They didn't want to have a heartbeat anymore! How does one tell that to their lover? That it would have been better if he kept his heart complete?

Maybe, they could still give the heart back. Maybe it wouldn't hurt as much anymore if it came back to its original place in Asra's chest, if it reunited with its other half. And it would be so easy, so easy to just take it - to rip it from their chest and give it back to him.

They've dropped the broom from their shaky palms. Just like the ancient magic of The Arcana, something was pulling them - chanting their name like a mantra.

"Do it, do it, do it" The whisper was getting louder each time.

Asra trained MC for situations like this. He warned them not to listen, not to ever listen if they heard voices like those, especially after what happened with Lucio. No, they had to ignore them. Ignore them!

But this time, the pull was stronger than ever. Almost as if it was unbearable, as if the voices became stronger than ever before. The mysterious pull of what seemed to be their mind led them to the kitchen of their home, towards one of the drawers.

They knew what was in the drawer. It was the place of Asra's special, magical dagger they weren't allowed to touch. Apparently, it could either provide the most painful or the most peaceful of deaths, depending on what the user wanted. The magician prohibited the sharp dagger from ever leaving its place, just because he was afraid that MC would get hurt.

The handle of the dagger was cool under their hands. The razor-sharp metal was so shiny, that MC could see the reflection of their scared but eager eyes in it. This was what they waited for. Finally, there wouldn't be any regret, there wouldn't be any wishes that things played out differently.

A sharp sound echoed through the small room as the dagger sunk into their skin. The last thing MC saw was the person they loved, Asra, and the terrified look on his face as he walked through the door. His loud cry, followed by waterfalls of tears, became blurry, as everything seemed to ring in MC's ears.

"MC, NO, PLEASE!"

At last, they will be at peace. They know they've hurt Asra with their decision, but he'd be better off without them anyway. To ease his pain after what they did, they collected their last few breaths, and shakily whispered:

"Goodbye, Asra.."

[doc-pickles]

all roads they lead me here

This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong

This is the last time I say it's been you all along

This is the last time I let you in my door

This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore

“Hey it’s Alex, leave me a message or whatever.”

“Alex, it's Jo. I just talked to your mom because you weren’t answering my calls and she said she hasn’t seen you or heard from you in awhile. So… please call me back. I just need to know you’re okay. I love you.”

“It’s me. It’s just been… A really long day and all I really want to do is curl up in bed with you. But you’re not here and you’re not in Iowa and I’m starting to worry that you’re dead in a ditch somewhere. Anyways I love you, please call me back.”

“Hi, it’s me again. Jo, you know your wife? The woman you married? I just… I’m worried about you and the longer I don’t hear from you the more worried I get. So please just call me back. I love you.”

“Alex, please pick up the phone. I don’t care where you are or what you’ve been doing. I don’t care if you’ve… committed murder or something. I don’t know, I just… I need you to answer me. If you’re not coming home I need to know so please just stop my wondering and answer me. Please. I love you, call me back.”

Alex sighed as he listened to the plethora of voicemails that Jo had left for him, her voice sounding more desperate the more messages she left. He wanted to call her, to answer one of her phone calls but he didn’t think it was fair to her. How was he supposed to drag her away from Seattle and everyone they loved to come to the middle of nowhere? How could he ask her to make that sacrifice when he was struggling to accept it himself?

As if hearing his thoughts, his phone screen lit up with a photo of Jo and him on their wedding day. Despite his doubts and worries Alex punched the green accept button and brought the phone up to his ear.

“Alex? Is that you?”

He only hesitates for a moment before letting out a sigh and answering, “Yeah it’s me.”

The relieved sigh and barely concealed tears break his heart as he listens to Jo on the other line. This was why he couldn’t go back, why he couldn’t face Jo again. Just hearing her on the other end of the phone was breaking his heart, he knew if he stood across from her and told her the choice he’d made that he would never be able to walk away.

“Oh my god, I thought you were dead,” Jo’s voice rang across the line, cries punctuating her words as she spoke a mile a minute. “Are you okay? You’re not hurt or in trouble or anything are you?”

“No… No, I'm okay. I’m fine I promise.”

“Good then where the hell are you,” Jo’s voice went from worried to stern in a flash, her tone almost scaring Alex as he listened to her. “I haven’t seen you in a month and a half and no one has been able to contact you for almost three weeks now. I thought you were lying in a coma somewhere so you better have a damn good reason as to why you haven’t been answering your phone.”

Of course she was angry, she had every right to be. If Alex were in Jo’s shoes he would’ve lost his mind trying to figure out where she was. But he wasn’t, instead he was lying in a hotel room thousands of miles away from Seattle keeping a huge secret from his wife who he normally told everything to. Alex let his eyes roam to the crisp white envelope on the bedside table next to him, Jo’s name in large letters across the front of it.

“It’s a long story, Jo.”

“Well start talking then Alex. I have been losing my mind here and I deserve an explanation,” Jo paused for a moment, her voice coming back clear and resolute when she spoke again. “If you’re leaving us, if you’re not coming home I need you to say it. I can’t keep sitting here playing back everything I’ve done trying to figure out what I did wrong.”

“Jo you haven’t done anything wrong, you could never,” Alex is quick to stop the destructive thoughts he knows are swirling around in Jo’s head. A deep pang of guilt hits him as he realizes that his lack of communication has probably torn her apart. “I’m just trying to figure some things out and… that might mean I don’t come back to Seattle.”

The line is silent and for a long moment Alex almost thinks that she’s hung up on him. Finally Jo speaks again, “You're telling me I didn’t do anything wrong but you’re not coming home? I don’t get it. Can you just tell me what's really happening?”

“I have kids.”

“I was going to-“

“With Izzie. She used the embryos and she has twins. We have twins,”

The all consuming silence from the other end of the line surrounds him once again. This time though, the pause felt like the heaviest thing he’d ever felt, the weight settling on his chest and taking his breath with it as he waited for Jo to respond to him.

“Oh.”

“Jo, I had no idea. I called Izzie before Mer’s trial and I was telling her all about you and then… then I heard them in the background. Alexis was singing some song and Eli was yelling at her to stop and I couldn’t not ask about them,” Alex let out a sigh as he ran a hand across his face. “They’re perfect Jo, god they're… They’re everything, the best of me and the best of Izzie. I have a chance to make this family whole, and I just hope you love me back enough to let me ta-“

“You have a family here too Alex! You have people that are depending on you and waiting for you to come home,” Jo was on the verge of tears and she yelled down the line, her voice trembling as she tried to get her point across. “Why didn’t you tell me? Or answer your phone? God Alex I love you but sometimes you can be so stupid. I’m looking up flights now, I can get there tomorrow afternoon.”

“No babe, I don’t need you to come out here.”

“Then tell me what I’m supposed to do! Because I’ve been sitting at home for the last month and a half waiting for you to come home and that didn’t do anything.”

Alex let out a sigh, his shoulders falling as he leaned back against the headboard of his hotel bed, “Jo I’m sorry but I have kids and I need to be here for them. I’ve already missed five years of their lives, I don’t want to miss anymore.”

“Then let me come out there Alex! If you’re planning on staying why won’t you let me come out,” the next pause that comes is from Alex as Jo let’s his silence answer her questions. “You really weren’t planning on coming back to me, were you?”

“Jo, please-“

“No Alex! You don’t just choose to end things without asking me! It's like the past seven years have meant nothing to you,” a steadying breath sounded over the line, Alex’s heart beating out of time as he listened to Jo. “You cannot just leave us here like garbage Alex. I deserve more than that, we deserve more than that! So either you come home or…. Fuck! I don’t know. Alex please.”

Alex thinks he can almost tangibly feel his heart breaking in two as Jo cries out to him. He loves her, more than anything he thinks, but he has children and their faces pop into his mind every second of the day now. He can’t fathom leaving them after already missing so much of their lives.

“Were you even planning on coming back home? Or were you just going to ignore my calls until I got the hint.”

“I didn't know she would have my kids, and now that she does, I don't know how to look anyone in the eye if I don't stay and do everything I can to make this work, make this a life, make this a family,” Alex’s pauses to catch his breath, listening to Jo’s cries. “I never meant to hurt you Jo-“

“Then you should’ve told me! You knew for weeks before you left and you didn’t say anything. You just kissed me and laughed at my jokes and ate dinner across from me crawled into bed next to me and made love to me like nothing was wrong. But the whole time you were just counting down the days until you left without another word,” her breaths are unsteady now, Jo hyperventilating on the other end of the phone in a way that makes Alex want to forget everything he’s seen in Kansas. “I can’t breathe, I can’t do this Alex. If you’re leaving us just say it. Please.”

“Jo, I’m sorry-“

“Just say it!”

“I wish getting everything I always wanted didn't have to hurt you in the process. But I can't lie to you. And I can't come home,” Alex is forcing the words out, barely able to say them without bursting into tears himself. “I'm not coming home, Jo. I can't face you. I can't look you in the eye because I wouldn't be able to walk away.”

“And that doesn’t mean anything to you? Everything we worked for, every uphill battle we fought to be together means nothing now? Did you ever think I would go with you, no questions asked,” Jo takes a deep breath before finishing. “I get that you have kids in Kansas, but you have a family here too Alex and we’ve been here for years, we’re always going to be here waiting and wondering and… I have to go. I love you and I’m sorry we weren’t enough.”

The line finally drops silent and Alex lets the tears he’d been holding back fall. He thinks he’s making the right choice, being there for his kids and giving them what he and Jo never had as children. But the pain and aching in his heart make him second guess his decision, if only for a moment.

-

It’s two days after his phone call with Jo when Alex realizes that he might have royally screwed everything up. His eyes follow Eli and Alexis around the farmyard as Izzie tells him about their life.

“We were actually in Tacoma before moving out to Kansas. Well, really it was just me but I was already four months pregnant by the time I decided to move,” Izzie let a chuckle out as Alex’s brain began to work overtime. “Somehow we made it though, I swear those two have been keeping me on my toes since they were in the womb.”

Alex ran back Jo’s words from their conversation in slow motion. He had played them over and over again in his head since she’d hung up on him but now he realized they might have a new meaning.

“If you’re leaving us, if you’re not coming home I need you to say it.”

“You have a family here too Alex!”

“You cannot just leave us here like garbage Alex. I deserve more than that, we deserve more than that!”

“We’re always going to be here waiting and wondering.”

“I love you and I’m sorry we weren’t enough.”

Sure she might have meant Meredith and her kids and the family he’d found for himself in Seattle but Alex knew Jo better than that.

“You know what I mean,” Izzie’s voice snapped Alex out of his daze, his eyes glassy as he looked from his hands to the blonde next to him. “You okay?”

“I uh… I think my wife is pregnant.”

+

It’s nearly 10 PM when a knock sounds on the loft door. Jo almost doesn’t get up from her spot on the couch as her fatigued body sinks into the cushions, reasoning with herself that anyone of importance has a key. When there’s another knock however, she begrudgingly drags herself up to slide the metal door open.

“Oh my god…”

Standing in front of her is Alex, eyes tired and hair damp from the near constant downpour of Seattle rain. She tries to ignore the suitcase at his feet, not wanting to get her hopes up when they’d already been so crushed just a week before when she’d spoken to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I walked away from you and from all of this,” Alex runs a hand through his hair, his gaze floating to the ceiling as he struggles to keep his composure. “I want to be here Jo, you mean everything to me.”

“How am I supposed to believe that? How am I supposed to let you back in when I know you were about to leave me without a word,” she’s begging herself not to cry right now, she’s done enough of that in the past week. But her stupid hormones bring tears to her eyes that she tries unsuccessfully to blink away. “Alex, you were ready to walk away from everything we’ve built without so much as a goodbye!”

“I know but-“

“But what?! Izzie sent you back home? Your conscience suddenly crawled back into your body after taking a two month vacation,” Jo’s voice rises as she stares Alex down. “What do you think you could possibly say that would make this better?”

Alex takes a step forward and Jo can’t bring herself to step away from him. Her mind is swirling, tears stinging her eyes as she meets his gaze, “Jo, I’m sorry.”

“Well sorry doesn't fix everything Alex.”

There’s a quiet moment between them as they stand mere inches from each other, eyes locked but no words exchanged. Alex does look remorseful, like every decision he had excluded her from is finally weighing heavily on his shoulders.

“I’m not going back to Kansas. Well, I’m not staying there at least,” Jo blinks up at Alex, waiting for him to continue before she says anything else. “I love my kids, god they're perfect, but that’s not where I belong. And I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize that, I’m sorry it took you yelling at me to realize that because it just confirmed that I should’ve talked to you as soon as I found out.”

Alex takes another step forward, his chest almost touching hers as his hand comes up to cradle the curve of her stomach that one of his old shirts had hidden. In the month and a half that he’s been gone Jo’s figure had curved outward significantly, the baby bump now noticeable no matter what she wore. She’s not sure how he’d figured it out, but the simple act breaks the flimsy hold she has on her emotions. Instead of the tears she’d become so used to though, Jo finds herself overwhelmed with anger as she pushes away from Alex.

“If this is why you're back you can turn around and leave again.”

"It's not…. Well it is but it's not the only reason."

"Alex!”

“Just listen please. I'm not back because we're having a baby, I’m back because you being pregnant made me realize how stupid I was being when I decided to move to Kansas. Eli and Alexis... They're amazing, but they were amazing before I got there too. And I don't want to be a dad without you by my side. I want it all with you Jo and I know that might be hard to believe right now but-“

Before Alex finished his statement Jo had launched herself into his arms, tears staining his shirt where she had her face pressed against his chest, "I'm still pissed at you but these stupid hormones all telling me to give you another chance.”

“Thank god, I didn't have a backup plan if you kicked me out again.”

"But,” Jo leaned up and fixed Alex with a serious look. "This is your last chance. If you EVER screw up this badly again…”

“I won't.”

Jo leans back, pressing her lips to Alex’s as she pulled him into the loft, “Welcome home.”

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Ground Rules

Geralt lays down the law with the help of yennefer after catching the reader haveing a bit of me time in the bath.

Masterlist

Ok this took all day as i couldnt stop tweaking it and i got to the point iv just got to step back and throw it out there or im gonna scream.Any way this is to go along with pastry negotiations its based after that one so could be considered part two? can be read stand alone tho in all honesty these modern reader inserts are gonna jump about in timeline cos my plot bunnys are twats. Im basing my Ciri on a mix of mature netflix Ciri and slightly mischievous witcher 3 Ciri. Any way i hope you enjoy this one im pretty pleased with it xx 

WARNING: Adult Themes, Smut, DubCon Swearing MxFxF 18+

Dont like it dont read it.

Geralt snaps when you take matters into your own hands.

The Ground Rules

"Well someone is excited" Jaskier drolled as he watched your form slowly creating distance between you as you marched ahead.

As the small rickety town came into veiw you cried out a victorious and dramatic "still alive" causing eye rolls and chuckles in the group. Honestly this was the first real town you'd come to since being here and you were thrilled. Sure you'd passed a tiny smattering of houses four or so days ago where you'd traded for some bread, tiny amount of dried meat and a few other essentials oh! and yenn had managed to replace your pastry to the amusment of the resident witcher. They'd both been more open with you since the whole pastry incident-which you thought was an off handed comment on yennefers part but she and geralt had since indicated otherwise.

The people in the village had mentioned of a near by town that was rumoured to have a contract out on a nest of some monster thingamajigs that you hadn't botherd to remeber the name of .You looked down the verge towards the town with immediate thoughts of eat, bathe and sleep- on a bed, a real fucking bed ,ok so it wont be a temper mattress but you could live with that-oh my fucking god hot water,a nice loooong soak you moaned in your throat the thought alone brought tears to your eyes. You walked ahead trying to usher the group.

And maybe you could have your own room. Honestly sharing a bed with the couple was becoming an issue for you,your crush on them was definatly getting out of control now constantly blushing under their heated glances and they are becoming more touchy feely, Hands lingering longer than nesscasary or leaning in so close so thier breath tickled the hairs on your neck basically doing anything to get you flustered and you swear to god yesterday yennefer copped a feel whilst helping you threw a small steam which you didn't need help with;not that she listened. Bottom line you were becoming sexualy frustrated pretty much staying in a constant state of arousal a night away from them to take care of business would be very much appreciated. 

"Come ooooonnnn guys keep up" you turned looking back at them drawing out your whine befor resuming towards the town

"Someone should catch up with her she looks like a girl on a mission" Yennefer commented 

"Yes. Ciri would you keep her near the main gate and out of trouble while we settle roach in the stables ,here take her this she should cover up befor anyone gets any ideas" geralt grunted as your form began to dissapear down the brow of the hill ,ciri looked between the two before shrugging grabbing his offered cloak then ran to catch up with you.

You glanced to the side as you heard footsteps noticing Ciri fall in step with you she held out his cloak.

"Here geralt said to cover up before people get any ideas" you sighed it wasnt your fault his shirt hung off of you showing a large amount of shoulder and chest luckily when the hoover portal of doom sucked you in you were in fleece lined black leggings that had been durable enough to survive the last 3 weeks on the road(your stitch t shirt hadn't survived your initial fall) because you doubt he'd have anything your hips would get in to. Rolling your eyes you pulled the heavy fabric across your shoulders repostioning it so that it wasnt draging on the floor to much but was still sheilding your body. 

"He's such a dad" Ciri giggled nodding in agreement befor reciting what esle geralt had requested ordered. You scoffed shaking your head

"So he doesnt even trust me to walk through a town, he does realise im an adult right? That i can do things with out causing trouble. i mean for god sake im not jaskier" she snorted 

"I think its more like he doesnt want other men trying to sleep with you" you did a double take 

"The hell you know about that sort of shit? has Jaskier been corrupting you?"

 A knowing smirk crossed her face as she held her hands up coming to a halt facing you just inside the wooden gates of the town.

"You think i havent noticed whats going on by myself, Geralt likes you so does yenn jaskiers noticed to, think he's going to write a song" 

"He better bloody not and anyway maybe i want to find a companion for the night." You announced tersely crossing your arms only to freeze as you heard a growl from behind you.

"Oh yes, i may have forgot to mention that witchers are senses are really sensetive" she smiled sweetly, you gaped why were you only being told this now. Looking between her and the others approaching.

"Wh-what how the fuck you leave that out? d-do you think he heard us? from back there" She nodded 

"Most definitely" you gulped feeling yourself shrink into Geralts cloak a little at the looks you received from Geralt and Yennefer as he spoke to her telling her what youd just said.oh fuck.

"when you say senses you mean all of 'em? Not just one or two?" hoping beyond hope that something had been lost in translation.

"Nope all of them sight, smell, hearing the whole lot" she replied watching the colour drain from your horror sticken face. You'd been getting wet over the past few days. And the realisation that he probably knew embarrassed the shit out of you. Geralt smirked obviously he heard.You were so fucked.he knew and if he knew then she knew.oh my god. You were sooo fucked.'whelp there goes my dignity' you thought. He strode past you to the mediocre stables with roach in toe ready to hitch her for the night.Jaskier and yenn followed pulling some of the bags off of the horse then passing them out to their respective owners. Geralt then stood before you all giving you all the 'game plan' as you call it.

"we will find an inn and eat after that you get settled in for the night whist i see about this contract."

"don't bother about me tonight im going to catch myself a young fair maiden for the night" you scoffed at Jaskier's announcement drawing his attention

"Sounding like a creeper there Jask, what? you gonna do throw a net in the tavern? don't think they'd take to kindly to that" he huffed through his nose aggravated. 

"No im going to sing in the tavern and lure a beauty to my side for the night" you played along widening your eyes in false realization

"oohh so your gonna go pay for it, how does it work exactly is it by hour or-" Geralt quickly intervened covering your mouth one to stop the inevitable spat and two before you could corrupt Ciri any further Jaskier deadpanned giving you a flat look.

"you're welcome to come find out for yourself im sure your just Itching  to get some relief-"

"JASKIER! you go ahead at least try to keep a bit of coin back this time" Jaskier 1 Y/n 0.

You glowered behind Geralt's hand as he dismissed the smirking bard who turned on his heel prancing off quite pleased with himself. You smacked Geralt's hand away wiping your mouth with the back of your hand before slowly making your way down the street into town.It had taken nearly half an hour to find a decent inn that had room for the four of you. A room with two double beds that had a heavy curtain to split the room into two it was usually rented by traveling families. You groaned as you walked in, now you really couldn't take care of business, you followed Ciri as she placed her bag on the bed on the left following suit you placed yours on the other half of it only to have Yennefer quickly relocated it to her side of the other bed. Ciri snorted giving you a knowing look.you sighed then stomped across the room. Knowing all to well that it was futile to argue with the sorceress ,the witcher was stubborn but she was something else. Geralt handed a small pouch of coin to Yennefer.

"This is for the new clothes Ciri needs a thicker cloak preferably fur lined maybe new boots to not sure how long those will last in the mountains." yennefer hummed as she pocketed the money. 

"And the clothes for Y/n as well?" 

"Yes, should be enough there for what we discussed if not i'v got a bit more saved" you raised your brows blinking at them.

"err what was discussed? guys? what did you talk about? was it about me? helloooo" you waved as they ignored you.Yennefer pulled off her cloak leaving it on her side of the bed. you and Ciri followed their lead only for Geralt the tug yours back across you giving a sharp look as you rolled your eyes.The group made its way down into the quiet main room of the family run inn where you were served a meal of roast beef with vegetable trimmings ,before you knew it Geralt had left to find out about the contract with a final 'Behave' thrown in your direction.To which you grunted in response,too full to even tell him to 'jog on' - a phrase that still frustrated the witcher as he didn't know the meaning-. Yennefer had asked for a bath before your meal which you were just informed was ready leaving you alone with the sorceress. You had all decided Ciri would have the bath first then you, yennefer and finally geralt if he was back before it got cold.

"I cant breath" yennefer laughed out loud you rubbed your tummy closing your eyes

"I mean honestly, I think theres food in my lungs" groaning leaning back against the chair she gave a sympathetic smile

"Well you did inhale your food, maybe next time take it easy."

"Can you blame me, been the first meat iv recognized since i got here" It was true so far you'd been living on meats that you wouldn't have necessarily chose to eat back home rabbit,mutton venison ect.

"After we've bathed we will rest for the day but tomorrow we have to run over to the seamstress and get your new clothes, not sure how long we will be here and might have to order some or have them taken up,you are a little thing.Might have to have some leather work done too." you squinted pointing an accusing finger at her

"You calling me a midget? we going for shots now are we?" she smiled sheepishly

"No .no shots?. i just meant your petite don't worry its very cute. Anyway we are only picking up the basics a few day dresses ,Riding clothes boots that sort of thing" you blinked owlishly flushing as she called you cute. 

"Riding clothes yes. Dresses no thank you" she stared unblinking at you for a few moments making you squirm at the calm expectant gaze that was getting heavier by the second, it was like the eyes of a mother when you'd been caught doing some dumb shit you knew you shouldn't be doing.

"Stop it....Yenn no... cant i just get something like Geralt has..please... i'd be much more comfortable...even Jaskier i mean im not one for the puffy bits but 'd make do....."

she blinked slowly

"Oh fine but only one or two no more and your not getting rid of these leggings either" you gave in, her gaze was to unnerving and it did things to you. Her face lit up. She was looking forward to seeing you in feminine gown instead of a her and Geralt's shirts not that she minded but it'd be a nice change to your strange stetchy leggings (not that she minded you in the form fitting bottoms) She moved leaning in to your side hand on your thigh patting it lightly.

"Thank you, don't be so worried i will take good care of everything" you gulped as you felt the flushed skin of your face grow hotter,your core clenching and warming at her sultry reply you closed your eyes trying to regain a bit of control. Suddenly her attention was drawn to a pink skinned Ciri who had finished her bath and changed Yenn nodded and released your thigh. You bolted upstairs hearing a chuckle as you did.

Once in the room you sighed in relief, making your way towards the screened off section that held a large oval tub full of steaming water. Discarding your clothes as you all but melted into the hot water.You submerged yourself getting your hair wet scratching tentatively at your scalp that had begun to ache under the grime. Spotting a small stool with what you'd consider toiletries, a bar of hard sweet smelling soap and a few vials.You grabbed the soap, opting for using it for your hair as well unsure what vials did what and went where.After scrubbing all the built up sweat and dirt you you closed your eyes lounging back against the slanted end tub you relaxed a few moments it wasn't long before you were feeling much better ,tired muscles succumbing to the soothing hot water.your body hummed. 'no one would have to know' as your summarized that this was the perfect opportunity to relieve yourself of other tensions, 

'its not like geralt could smell you under water, i mean i dont think dogs can thats why criminals cross rivers when their being hunted on tv isn't it?' biting your lip you peaked an eye open and listened out carefully feeling naughty when you began moving your hand to the apex of your thighs gasping as your finger ghosted over your hardened bundle of nerves .Fuck. Your clit was sensitive not surprising when Geralt and Yennefer had practically edged you for nearly a week. You whined quietly as you began a fast rhythm on your clit ,other hand slinking down to your opening rubbing your fingers up and down the warm weeping hole. You bit off a groan as your hips gyrated against your roaming hands. Stomach tensing as you drove yourself faster and faster to the edge.Almost there.Fuck almost-you jumped hissing 'shit' ,ripping your hands away from yourself , sitting up fast enough to make your head spin splashing a wave of water over the floor when you heard the door open slamming the wall beside it.

"err theres some one in here!" you called out loudly, angry at who ever just interrupted you.You got nervous as the heavy steps quickly made their way towards you.Realizing who ever it was didn't care for your modesty as they were coming your way you slung your top half out of the tub to grasp the towel screaming because before you could grasp it and cover yourself a large calloused hand enveloped your shoulder shoving you back into the water.

"WH-GERALT THE FUCK? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME." you shouted at him as he released you then you looked down slapping your hands down to cover your self as he raised his eyebrows and gave a lop sided grin.He defiantly looked like the big bad wolf in that moment eyes ablaze with a hunger you wasn't sure you wanted to explore or not. Collecting yourself swallowing dryly before scolding him in a voice that seemed to become smaller with each word.

"hey! get the fuck out im trying to bathe you prick" you heard the door open and close again in a less violent fashion. And suprize suprize yennefer glided into view behind the .

"Thats not all you were doing tho was it? i can fucking smell you" was growled at you as geralt wet his lips you squeaked. 

"huh? b-but.. i thought..w-water" you stuttered out as your brain malfunctioned on on an epic scale. Yennefer gave out a loud laugh.

"so thats why he tore threw the inn like that.honestly Geralt i thought something was wrong" she continued laughing as she replayed the way geralt had all but vaulted the tables to get to the stairs. you pouted throughly humiliated

"something is wrong" he ground out before kneeling beside you .Shifting you tired to create some distance from him. He was having none of that wasting no time thrusting his hands into the water tugging away your shielding hand the other forcing its way between your legs. You slammed back against the tub gasping trying to get away. All you'd achieved was his hand pinning your hips to the back of the bath by your pussy

"GERALT WHA-"  

"Lets lay down some ground rules" He squeezed your throbbing heat in his hand curling his fingers dangerously close to your opening you bucked moaning breathlessly .Your eyes searched Yennefer's for help but she wore a similar hungry look that he had. Another slow squeeze brought your attention back to the brooding alpha male in the room.

"This is ours.ours to lick,suck and fuck as we see fit, to do what we please with and is off limits to your wandering little hands we clear on that?" You groaned out as he emphasized certain words with teasing brushes of fingers and a slow rub of his palm. Realizing that he might actually be serious.You nodded quickly babbling as he rocked his hand back and forth igniting the heat that you had built alone.

"C-crystal-please Geralt PLease" You threw your head back as his hand moved deliberate and teasing.

"You think you deserve it? after being caught up here playing with yourself?" You nodded then shook your head confused, unable to really concentrate on anything apart from his magnificent hand ,half lidded eyes and clenching your fingers tight around the thumb he was using it to control your movements as your body whithered under his ministrations.

"Really?" He said smirking as he held completely still you sucked through your teeth biting back curses.He chuckled smug bastard. moving trying to get some friction to no avail.

"Well we have been teasing the poor thing ,of course shes going to try sorting herself out the first chance she gets .Honestly Geralt what did you expect? i did tell you" yennefer reasoned as she stood behind you combing threw your wet hair you before grasping your free hand pulling it up out of the way kissing your palm before ghosting her nose down your neck pressing soft kisses along it you mewled at her and tried to coax geralt to continue again by rolling your hips.

"I suppose we could let her off this time" His voice was pure sex as he glanced down before giving into pushing two thick fingers up into you. his breach of your walls had an initial sting but was incredible as your needy walls tried sucking him deeper greedy to be filled.

"oh-oh fuck Ger-please" you arched your back pushing down onto his hand clutching onto Yennefer's wrist. you were so hot .fuck.he was gonna make you cum too quick. You panted throwing your head side to side as your legs tensed then raised up towards your torso, your pussy wrapped tight around Geralts fingers as he held them deep every few thrusts making you feel just how your walls rippled around him. he alternated between fast and shallow then slow and deep trying to build you up slowly he wasn't going to rush you, he was skilled enough to walk you up to the edge and throw you off whenever he damn well pleased. You'd never been this desperate in your life . Yenn's cool fingers delicately teased out your nipples pinching and flicking them until they stood out provocatively. You rocked against the both of them as Geralt made sure to start dragging your clit up and down with his palm as he finger fucked you curling his fingers searching for that small spot that'd send your mind reeling. Yenn had leaned down kissing your cheek and begun whispering lowly into your ear.

"He knows what he's doing doesn't he?Iit wont take him long to find every single spot you have, thats the thing with bedding a witcher they are much more observant then regular men. I have no doubt he will know when your going to orgasm before you do.He has the ability to force them out of nowhere when ever he pleases.. He is quite cruel like that" you moaned out loud snapping your head back high pitched and vulgar sounds tore from your throat as Geralts invading fingers began rubbing furiously back and forth on a soft spot inside of you.Unable to control yourself as your legs and tummy spasmed erratically as your tearfull moans and pleas filled the room

"Thats it oh i think iv found it~" he boasted as he moved his elbow pinning a knee to the side of the tub leaving your clit cruelly exposed for Yennefer,they shared a look as she moved her hand down to join Geralts taking over to rub small firm circles on your exposed clit.

"oh-OH fuck noNOno i cant please i ca-UGh to-Too much please FUCK" Yennefer was quick to swallow your moans in a kiss of clashing teeth and tongues before any one could hear ,tears streamed down your face as your body ached your pussy contracting painfully around his swiping digits. Pulling back for air the sorceress placed open mouthed kisses over your shoulders leaving red marks with her teeth and sucking bites.

"Good girl your being sooo good you don't have to ask this time" she praised as she reached your ear befor sucking harshly below your jaw. you were quickly becoming putty in their hands Geralt growled as he picked up the begining tremors of your orgasm.

"Look at me" you obeyed instantly moaning as you watched the white wolf pull his lip up in a snarl that would have scared you any other time.

"This is what you were made for, your ours, we own you, mind body and soul we own every whimper ,every tear ,every orgasm and hole they are ours for the taking when ever we choose,from now only ecstasy you will know is what we give you" You'd never have guessed how filthy his mouth could be but it seemed to have the desired effect as a sudden rush of heat was your only warning before rearing up screaming out, not sure if you'd shut your eyes or blacked out for a moment as you gushed into the bath water.Geralt pressed into you persistent while Yennefer's hand continued the tight circles efficiently drawing out the best orgasm your ever had.Finally their movements ceased and your body went limp wracked trembling in the aftermath as your orgasm ebbed away slowly. After giving you a few moments to come down and catch your breath Geralt removed his fingers you whimpered inside's still so sensitive after your orgasm, sucking on them he moaned deep and feral before plucking your clenched fingers off his thumb. Yennefer quickly wiped your pussy gently clearing the cum from between your swollen lips. Making you twitched as the cloth ran over you.Pulling you from the bath was a joint effort as they rested you on the bed and began patting you dry with the towel.Moaning in protest as your arms waved loosely trying to take over only having your hand smacked away as they finished.Lying back looking up at them bleary eyed trying to stay awake you felt like jelly, giving up fighting you rolled over yawning tucking your arms below your head Yennefer tilted her head stroking your hair sending you into a relaxed sleep.

"Poor dear ,Oh look at her geralt shes all fucked out and we haven't even fucked her yet" 

"hmm she'll be ok we just need to work on her stamina" he replied patting your bottom as he pulled the cover over your washed out form.Geralt panicked

"Shit wheres Ciri?"

"well when you came charging in down stairs i told her to go find Jaskier and stay there until one of us came to get her" Yennefer said with a sly grin he shook his head and scooped her up kissing her passionately. As he took a few steps to the now vacant bath

"well the bath is still warm care to join me?"

"with pleasure lets try not to wake her tho"

.

See you soon xxx

[angelsswirl]

Petrichor

Eight

"I've lost heart. The forest's scarred. I hear no birds, just TVs and cars."

It had been seven weeks. You knew because you counted. You counted like you were a prisoner waiting for their release day. You counted like you were a seven year old tallying sheep in their head to help them fall asleep.

You counted seven weeks, two days, 5 hours, 37 minutes, and twelve...thirteen...fourteen seconds since you last spoke to either of them.

You were sick to say the least.

Well, face to face you should say.

Jisoo spoke to you once a week out of obligation. Only to organize days that you hung out with Lia.

Chaeyoung would respond to your texts occasionally. Probably when she felt a bit too bad for not answering your calls.

Somehow, in the middle of all that. You had managed to finish your 3rd year of grad. You're not sure how. You'd been working on autopilot.

You were tired. Exhausted even. And you're not even sure why.

Your phone rung. You'd hate to admit that you had hoped it was one of them. Luckily, you don't have to as your hopes were admittedly dashed upon looking at caller id.

It's your father.

"Hey, Kiddo." You decided not to overthink the dejection in his voice. He better choose his next words carefully because you don't think you can take much more of anything really.

"Hey, dad. What's up?"

"You mind coming down to Mount Sinai? It's your mom."

You must have murdered someone really important in a past life. Surely, that is the only explanation for why you would deserve any of this.

The rest of your afternoon is performed using the ever allusive autopilot feature of your brain.

You stared at your phone for a few minutes after getting dressed. You can't quite remember if you used it. You doesn't feel any worse than you did before so you assmumed you didn't.

You navigated the streets of New York and then the hospital quickly. You had been here a couple of times before.

You caught up with your father and younger brother. Your father doesn't look as concerned as he probably could, and that served to make both siblings feel better.

Kameron, your younger brother, looked about the same as when you saw him last. Which was 2 years ago. He was in his third year of undergraduate at Yale, and rarely left campus. You wondered when he would have found the time to come back up from Connecticut.

"They just took Maria back to emergency surgery. There were a lot of big words that I honestly think the doctor made up but what I think he was saying it was her kidney's again." George shrugged helplessly.

You just nodded.

"Hey, are you okay? What's going on?"

You turned around with a raised eyebrow.

"What are you doing here?"

"You asked me to come."

~•~

Can you come meet me at Mount Sinai? It's my mom.

I'm so sorry, Y/N. I'm stuck at work.

~•~

Can you come meet me at Mount Sinai? It's my mom.

Omw

~•~

"Oh."

Apparently you had used your phone.

"Thank you, Jisoo." You sniffed.

Lia is clinging to Jisoo's neck sleepily.

You gestured vaguely to the waiting room a few feet away, "You can go sit in there. I'll be there in a bit."

Jisoo looked as though she wanted to say something further, but instead decided against it. She shuffled to the waiting room. Lia beginning to rouse from her apparent sleep deprivation.

You're true to your word. Twenty minutes later, you sat heavily in an uncomfortable, slightly outdated chair. Your face immediately found the palms of your hands.

"Thank you for coming."

Jisoo shrugged, Lia grumbled at being moved, "It isn't a big deal. You needed someone so I came."

You, only half listening, nodded slowly.

You both sat in silence. The general hustle and bustle of the hospital fluttering around you.

Jisoo still looked as though she wanted to say something.

You eventually spoke up. You stared straight ahead into the empty room. "I've been so fucking tired recently. Like for no goddamn reason. And tmi but, I keep going to the bathroom like every half hour, and it's not like I've been drinking more than I normally do. I hope I don't have what my mom has."

Jisoo's eyebrows knitted together. She thought back to something you weren't privy to. She grimaced slightly, "No, I don't think you have what your mom has." She doesn't elaborate further.

"I know you probably don't want to here this, but I'm so sorry. To both of you. I met you guys coincidentally on the same day, and I liked you so much, and it all got out of control so quickly." You decided you were all cried out at this point. You shrugged one of your shoulders and shook your head.

"I get it-"

"You do?"

"No, but it's okay. I'm still a bit upset, but I think that's just the alpha being stubborn."

You nodded and took a deep breath.

"Kiddo?" You turned your head in the direction of your father. He gestured for you to come to him.

Your dad had exactly two emotions. 'Just happy to be here', and 'mildly uncomfortable with what's currently happening'. Those two emotions generally caused his face to do the exact same thing, so he was very hard to read.

"The doc just came back for an update. Your mom is stable and everything is going well. Still going to be in the OR for a couple more hours." It was 'Just happy to be here'.

"Did he say what happened?"

George shrugged, "I'm sure he would if I asked, but I feel better not knowing."

"That's fair."

"Okay, just wanted to let you know. You can go back to your girlfriend now."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Yeah alright. Anyway, love you, kiddo. I'll come get you when she's ready and awake."

You blushed heavily.

~•~

"Now you said there were two. Where's the other one?" Your mom inquired. She had gotten out of surgery about two hours before. You had urged Jisoo to go home in the meantime. Lisa and Jennie were on their way, and Jisoo definitely needed to get Lia to bed at a decent hour.

"She got caught up at work. No big deal." You shrugged. You felt a bit bad for Chaeyoung. Your mom was most definitely going to judge her for this.

"I beg to differ, but quite frankly I don't have the energy to rant about it."

"Thank god."

Maria slapped you lightly on the hand.

It's then that your phone rings.

"See, she's calling now." You exclaimed. Your mother rolled her eyes.

"Hey."

"Hi...I'm sorry I couldn't be there. Some days I really hate my job. But nevermind that, is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Everything is cool now. My mother is just very dramatic and never does anything half assed." Maria swatted you again.

"Okay, that's great!"

"I'm sorry, Chaeyoung-"

"You don't have to apologize. It's okay. Um, I'll talk to you again...later." Rosé hung up quickly. You tried to hide your pained frown from your mother.

You didn't succeed.

You turned back to your mother. Her lips pursed. Lisa, who had been sitting uncharacteristically quietly, raised an eyebrow.

You decided to keep quiet.

Unfortunately, it seemed their was only one way to ever get back to somewhere close to where you had been with both Chaeyoung and Jisoo.

You had to finally make a decision.

Fuck.

[edencantstopfallininlove]

A Declaration

You might want to read this all the way through. There’s something quite important that I want to share with you guys... However, if you reblog, don’t spoil the surprise in your response or the tags! In light of more recent posts, feel free to ignore that now!

As a disclaimer, I know nothing about fashion and I make that pretty obvious, but heck it

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

How fortunate it was that the streets of Port Maerifa were so quiet that evening. The blue accents of the city's architecture were bolstered by the coming of twilight. A faint sea breeze danced about from the docks. As day slowly shifted into night, a pair of footsteps could be heard ambling along the streets.

Dhar was leading the way, guiding his lover by the hand as they moved towards their destination. This was a date they had been planning together for weeks; now that it was finally drawing to a close, Heather took the opportunity to really drink in the sight of the man who stole her heart. He had abandoned his usual armour in favour of a white shirt with a leather jacket, indigo denim slim jeans and black dress shoes that seemed to shine a little in the blue hour. Over his shoulder, he wore a small musky red bag with a thin strap; she wondered why he would need it on a date, but proceeded not to think about it again once they were out the door. All in all, she thought he looked just as gorgeous as always, if not even more so.

For their date, the two had put together a whistle-stop tour of their favourite spots. Each destination had a story behind it, a reason for them to slow down and reminisce. Deep down, Heather contemplated the possibility that there was a greater motive behind the whole thing. The final stop on their tour had taken them to a spot they knew all too well. The arch at the city’s foot.

"Oh, this place," said Heather, thinking aloud. "Remember the whole 'who stays and who goes' talk we had here? When you told Ajna - you told everyone - that you had nowhere to belong?"

"That I do," replied Dhar, "but a lot's changed since then. And I find myself thinking that less and less as time goes by; as I spend more new days with you."

"You’re so right. I've been thinking about the friends we've made on our journey, how we've come to be like family to each other. I hope you've felt it, Dhar. That there are people who care about you and are proud of how far you've come."

There was a long, comfortable silence as the couple stood side by side and drank in the atmosphere of the city. Feeling the urge to happy-stim, Heather clicked together the short heels of her black flats. She loved little gaps like this, where she could take a moment to feel the cool air brushing against her skin, ruffling the knee-length skirt of her blue summer dress, and appreciate everything that had built up to this moment. Every high, every low, every failure and triumph that led the two of them down their respective paths, and to each other.

"Marry me."

And then she heard them. The two words that dissolved her train of thought. Heather flinched on the spot as she tried to make sense of everything. The gentleness in Dhar's voice, the feeling of his fingers interlocking with hers, the fondness in his eyes... Was he staring at her the whole time?!

"Dhar, have you been hanging around Baozhai?" she asked, stammering her way through. "Did she imbibe you into this before we left?"

Dhar had to laugh. "Gods no, you know I won't drink that crap of hers!"

"Neither will I, to be fair."

"Come on, I'm serious! I want us to get married. I can’t think of anything better than being able to spend the rest of our lives like this."

Still not entirely believing what she was hearing, Heather turned to hold her lover's free hand as their gazes met.

"Just being with you is... already so much more than I ever thought I deserved. You know my past. There have been times when I've wondered whether you'd be happier without me. And yet, no matter how far I fell into the cycle of self-doubt, you've always been there to help me back onto my feet. It's you who moulded me into the man I am now. Someone who truly feels worthy of this woman's love. And believe me, you deserve it all in return. I want to remind you every day of how strong you are. How supportive, how compassionate, how beautiful, inside and out. Cliche as it sounds, you are, without a doubt, the best thing that ever happened to me. I mean, I literally wouldn't be here if not for you. Whatever the future holds for us, I want us to always be around to support each other. Because you and I? We're a team."

After a brief pause, Dhar abruptly shifted a single hand around in the shoulder bag. "Shit, where'd I put the damn thing...?"

"It's okay, sweetheart. I'll help you look for it if you-"

Heather was silenced first by the sight of the black box (it wasn't all an elaborate joke), then by the ring itself as Dhar knelt down and opened it - the silver band twisted upwards, with one line on each side adorned with amethysts that led the eye towards a single large orange topaz. What else could she do in that moment but gasp?

"Heather, my saviour, my rock, my love... Will you make me the happiest person in all the worlds?" His hopeful smile was offset now by glassy eyes, looking at Heather as if she were the most incredible thing to ever exist as he finally got to the big question. "Will you marry me?"

Heather's eyes sparkled as she preserved the memory of a display of love and vulnerability that she never would've expected from Dhar when they first met. But he was not the same man he was back then. He had grown so much kinder, nobler, truer; her heart swelled with pride at the privilege of being a part of that change.

If only he knew she’d made up her mind long ago.

"Yes!! Of course!" she cried as she dived in and enveloped her beloved in the biggest, tightest embrace he had yet been given. Dhar was, frankly, amazed that he managed to maintain his hold on the ring box.

"Woah, don't hug me! I should be hugging you!!"

He was quick to get over the shock, though, melting into his now fiancée’s touch and, at last, allowing himself to cry. After holding back long enough to say his piece, hearing the answer he had sought cemented this as the best day of his life, and now was the time to set his elation free.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now..." he said when he let go after what seemed like aeons.

"A hot mess, maybe," replied Heather with a laugh as the ring was placed on her finger. "Still, you did say you'd be the happiest person in the worlds. You kind of asked for this!"

"I suppose I did, yeah. But it was worth it."

Almost instinctively, Dhar slid two fingers under Heather's chin, lifting her head to lock eyes with her in a silent request for permission. She responded with a subtle nod and, in the fading moonlight, accompanied by distant ocean waves, their promise of a union was sealed with a deep, lingering kiss, hands resting in each others’ hair, smiling against each others lips. It came so naturally, like it was always meant to be.

"Thank you, Heather. For everything. I love you... So, so much."

"Likewise, Dhar. I promise you won't regret this. Here's to our future - together."

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Soooo yeah, you probably all saw this coming a mile away, but...

As of today, Dhar and I are engaged!

An official announcement post will be going out at some point in the next few days, fingers crossed!

For reference, the ring looks like this: (psst everyone pitched in)

@ode-to-joie @tuff-and-fluff @f-orever-and-ever @abigailsfictionalothers @kitten-ships @dazailovemail​ @growlitheships @fawnships @fireemlmblem​ @rosepetalcharm​ and everyone who’s been kind enough to listen to me gush about my selfship!

[goldenhour-goldenboy]

hi!! after watching TF i got a Supernatural Dean and Sam vibe from Will and Benny, Will is like Dean and Benny is sam. It mentioned their dad in the movie and icouldn't help imagine him being a military dad, which is how they both got into this job. and Wills line of "I've been supporting him since the day he was born” about benny just reminded me of dean taking care of sam. could u write a fic about Will and bennys childhood and how you think it could have gone with a military dad away a lot! x

Soooo a couple of things 1) i’ve never made it past the third season supernatural and that was years ago so I hope the vibe is still what you wanted :) and 2) I was mainly working from other people’s experience with having a parent or both parents in the army and being in the army in the US is probably a bit different from being in the army in Germany buuuut I still enjoyed this snippet and I hope you do too! :) 

Growing up with their dad in the military (Ben Miller and William Miller, hc)

Both of the Miller boys grow up on strength, physically and emotionally, their parents keen on teaching the boys values and morales that are important to them. 

Their mother, an endless source of love, would always patch up their knees, dry their tears and help them with their homework. She’s the heart of the household, both of the boys inheriting her warmth and care. This is what she taught them, that there is strength in forgiveness and kindness and that every creature on this earth is deserving of love. It is important for her that her sons learn respect and honesty with one another, fairness and to be stronger than what the world might throw at them. 

He’s cracking jokes on Sundays where they are meant to be on their way to church yet they’re late again so they end up at a pancake place because there really is no point in going now. He’s morning runs, the brothers chasing after him until they get tired halfway through and he has to carry them back to the house, getting his own little workout in like that. 

The boys see their parents being in love, dancing around the kitchen, stealing kisses while cooking and even though they are children and that stuff is gross for them the imagine on what a relationship should look like gets imprinted into their minds.

Both of the boys grow up with at least one daily task to fulfill. It is their fathers way of teaching them responsibility and patience and care.

 William and Ben being in charge of the chickens in the backyard seemed like an excellent choice for that. they are in charge of feeding them and taking them out of the gutter and making sure the way to the enclosure is free and available ben learned to take responsibility the hard way, when he forgot to lock the gates one night and the chicken ran away in the cold, never to be seen again. His father, showing little emotions for that other than disappointment just shrugs and tells him to be more careful next time if he wants to avoid that from happening again. 

To the outside world his way of raising the boys may seem a bit extreme, even cold at times but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Their dad is still caring and incredibly invested in the boys, so much that he wants to do everything that they grow up string minded and healthy and independent, thats all that he wants from life and if that’s the way to get them to learn than so be it. most of this comes from his own father, having the family having a long line of history of vets and soldiers. it is a sense of belonging that he walkways felt when talking to his dad and he wants to pass that down to his own sons. and though they are grateful for the many lessons they’ve learned as children, little kids really can’t comprehend the situation as they grow up and are still young, let alone understand the intentions that go with actions.

It gets harder every time their father has to leave again. The boys don’t understand. It’s confusion the first time and some tears, they are trying to be brave and grown up then. The next time there are a lot more tears, more confusion, yelling and clinging until they reach a point where it’s silent tears and not even wanting to hug their dad and say goodbye. This is even worse than the yelling. 

It’s after one too times his father tells him he has to leave the next week, again, that William runs into the office, where his dad stores his belongings and the medals of his dad and pictures taken while he was in service, and pushes everything off the shelves before storming out the house. He doesn’t necessarily smashes anything as much as he just wants it all to be gone, leading to nothing being broken in the end but the gesture defiantly getting across. His dad finds William out on the front porch, the little guy waiting for him to come and confront him about his actions. Part of Will wants to stand tall and take whatever his dad has to say to him with pride and part of him is just utterly scared of the reaction he’s about to receive, anxiously awaiting the yelling his dad must’ve prepared. It leaves him with his chin up but his eyes watering and his lower lip quivering. When his dad just sighs and sits down Will’s nerves start to get the best of him and he breaks down crying because that’s the reaction he had prepared and now that there’s no outburst from his dad he’s completely confused into what he’s supposed to feel. His father can’t even be mad, it is such a clear and big signal from William to act out like that, he has to force down a chuckle. „You’re a brave guy, William Miller.“ His son is still sobbing and while he stops to take in a shaky breath Papa Miller opens one of his arms, not being able to see his son hurt by something he caused. „You need a hug, tough guy?“

William, even though being the older one, has a hard time dealing with the absence of his dad and missing him a lot more than he can handle. There are endless nights spent crying and getting terribly homesick, even though he is home. He grew up knowing what it was like to have a dad around and whenever his dad is gone, he can feel him missing. 

His obsession with numbers started then, counting the days his dad was gone, how many times he has to sleep before he gets to see him. It’s a desperate attempt to make the situation more bearable for him and it barely works.

Benny at the same time grew up seeing his dad from time to time. He’s used to the stories instead of memories and saying goodbye constantly before seeing him again some weeks later. He doesn’t remember his first couple of years as much as Will does, when his dad used to be gone for months at times. His world was much simpler, his questions could be answered with wonders and his mother telling him about how brave his dad is, fighting to come home because he loves his family so much. For Benny, his dad is a hero. Until he is not.

Puberty is hitting him like a ton of bricks and while his brother grew up with a lot of feelings, Benny suddenly gets a lot more input than he can handle. He feels everything, all the time and he truly doesn’t know how to deal with that. His dad being absent only feeds into his confusion, leaving Benny unsatisfied if he is home and missing him when he’s gone. He’s picking fights then, with his mom, his brother and most often his dad when he is actually home. Doors slamming, yelling and heavy footsteps on the stairs are common in those years and Benny loses the connection to his father for quite some time.

With Benny trying to sort himself out, William feels like he’s going through puberty a second time. They’ve moved a couple times by now and while Will comforts himself with books (they wont leave him and he can take them anywhere with him) Ben has gotten in with the wrong kind of people just one too many times. He’s out at night more than he can count, his mother not getting through to him and his brother only finding the wrong words. They’re at each others throats more and more, underestimating their own strength and forgetting that if they hit each other now it can become real dangerous real quick. 

It’s one night where Ben is coming home late. He’s drunk and trying to sneak in, actually bumping into every corner on his way through the house. He doesn’t even make it up the stairs as his brother, woken up by the crashing, comes down to help him. Hushed words lead to snarls lead to yelling, feelings that have been pushed down for too long explode. „What do you think dad would say if he were here? He would beat your ass to next christmas!“ „I don’t care about fucking dad! He can fuck off and die whatever shithole he’s stuck in now!“ They use words that cut deep and it doesn’t take long for them to roll around the hallway, fists hammering and hands closing around each other throats. Neither of them hear their mother shout, desperate for her sons to stop. She screams, she cries, she throws plates to the ground but they don’t hear her so she brings out the gun and fires a warning shot into the ceiling. Now they stop, startled and she sends them to bed before breaking down in the living room, a hole in the ceiling being the literal sign for something terribly going wrong right now. Their father comes home a few weeks later, both boys not interested in seeing him. William, who initially wasn’t even mad, actually understands his brother because he too, feels left behind. The last image their dad has of them is when they were 8 and they have matured a lot by that now. There’s no hug this time, the ceiling being fixed long before the boys learn to deal with their feelings and it takes an even longer time to forgive their dad, because after all it is their dad and they do care for him very much.

It’s a special kind of bond the Miller brothers share between them, their trust grown over years spending together and the thought about one leaving the other actually scaring them. Both of them like to know their loved ones safe and sound, a lot of their caring coming from the time that they didn’t know if their dad was alright. Ben and Will join the military at the same time, both beaming with pride and confidence. This is what they both wanted ever since thinking about their future, side by side and even though William struggles to come to terms with the thought that his baby brother might get hurt, he couldn’t imagine his service without him.

The day they get sworn in is probably the proudest day for the whole family. Their father is beaming with pride looking at his sons and both of them feel like they might explode.

There’s a lot they still haven’t talked about. The past is not an easy thing to untangle and feelings don’t go away like that, Ben and Will slowly understanding their father more and more as they experience violence and war and grief in the same way he did. Now they are the ones who get to see their parents from time to time, the tables being turned in a way they always suspected to happen but not being prepared for the way it actually is. 

It certainly helps to have a father who’ve experienced this kind of mental strain before and who knows what its like to go to war and then come back home. A lot of the adjusting with life back home they actually turned to their father to, family dinners often revolving around their stories and experiences and sometimes just quiet pats on the shoulders, as no words are needed to understand the struggle each one is going through. Not every action can be excused but they are older now and old scars are sometimes just that, old scars.