#J.Wool writing

[karleywoods]

Something Else

I sit in solitude with eyes darker than anyone remembers Purple veins outlining my body And the toxic wasteland of my mind I'm shouting these past years have been filled with pain That has not been spoken about I won't talk about it Nobody likes a rocked boat Instead, the tension will climb it's way up my vertebrae Making a home in my bones Reminding me I am the reason for its existence And promising It will never leave me It knows I don't want to be alone Or face the unexpected with a lack of preparedness I'll smile and talk about Something else Like the weather or my job Or the time we were in high school After hours in your room Where he said he loved you for the first time I gave him advice He's a great fiancé I'm glad it worked out I'm quieter than anyone remembers Carefully choosing every single word I utter I want to say I've been devastated and torn apart Everyday for longer than I could've imagined That living in solitude is a humbling experience That has brought me to tears More times than I have been truly happy And every single day and moment feels exhausting In a new and profound way I actually thought I was dying yesterday It was just my throat tightening Swollen with words I should have spoken Or screamed or yelled Anything to get it out of me Because I've felt trapped in one moment for years And I don't know that I'll find my way out of it But I'll smile and talk about Something else instead Like the weather or my job Or where he said he loved you for the first time That feels easier and less complicated to explain Less awkward for everyone