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formula365 · 4 years

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The race of fairytales - Sakhir GP review

We have a tendency to see ourselves as the heroes in our life’s story. It’s only natural, after all: we can see things only through our own eyes, no matter how empathetic we are to other people’s struggles. And we always hope our life’s story will be like one of the fairytales we are told as children growing up. We want to be the hero that slays the dragon and saves the princess. This is how we see ourselves.

It never occurs to us that we might just be supporting characters in someone else’s fairytale.

In fairness to George Russell, anyone in the situation he found himself this weekend would have seen themselves at the centre of the story. After toiling at the back of the grid in one of the slowest cars in F1, the young Brit was thrust into the multiple world champions embrace, in what surely must have felt like a dream. And as the weekend progressed and he saw himself first fighting with Bottas for pole, and then comfortably leading the race, he could see that fairytale ending ahead of him: a maiden win on his debut for Mercedes.

It could not have occurred to him in that moment that this would, in the end, not be his fairytale, and he was just a member of the supporting cast in someone else’s dream weekend. We should have all seen it coming when he admitted he had to wear boots one size too small in order to fit in the car. After all, if the shoe didn’t fit, Russell could not be Cinderella.

In the end, it turned out to be a day - another one - for the man without a job for next year. Sergio Perez has a knack for snatching podiums when others fall apart around him. Like an opportunistic striker praying on any mistake by the defenders, he seemed to always be the guy to clinch an unexpected spot on the rostrum when the big teams couldn’t keep it together. With two thirds of the race done on Sunday, it looked like this would be the case again, as Verstappen had crashed on lap one, and Albon couldn’t match the pace of those ahead of him.

But then, the fairytale began. In a twist worthy of a Hollywood movie, it was the driver who replaced George Russell at Williams who set about changing the course of history and deny the 22-year-old his happy end. Jack Aitken crashed, the safety car came in and Mercedes screwed up big time in the pit lane. All of a sudden, Checo was no longer on course for a podium; he was leading the Grand Prix.

Russell, as any hero in any story, took this adversity as a challenge and set about righting this perceived wrong. He made mince meat of Bottas, Stroll and Ocon and started pushing hard in pursuit of the Mexican, who had built a cushy gap to those behind. But fate, taking the form of a puncture, denied us the final battle between the two heroes; and so it was that the man who was last on the first lap ended up first on the last lap.

You would be hard pressed to find any F1 fan begrudge Perez his maiden win, even amongst Russell supporters. The Mexican is one of the nicest people on the paddock, and has worked hard all his career in midfield cars to achieve an impressive trophy cabinet. For someone who never had a truly front-of-the-grid car, his results have always been above average. And now that, for once, he was given a truly competitive car, he has made the most of it. He will be best of the rest in the championship even after missing two races.

And he will be doing that after being ousted from the team that he helped save just a year and a half ago. Just before the Mugello weekend, he was told he wouldn’t be racing for them anymore. Many drivers would have been gutted by such news, but he refused to feel sorry for himself. That announcement marked a turning point for him, with results going onwards and upwards ever since.

With a little bit more luck, he would have been on the podium in the last four races. Even if the results didn’t always reflect his performance (that P7 in Portugal does not do him justice) he made clear on track that he deserved more. After overcoming one of the biggest adversities he could face - losing his dream job - he rose even stronger and fought back. Just like a hero in a fairytale.

Talking points * For a couple of the drivers, they must have felt they were living the opposite of a fairytale. Bottas, in particular, had a dreadful Sunday. Beaten by his young teammate off the line, he was not capable of matching his pace at any point and after the tyre mix-up start falling down the order. Even with older tyres, though, he should have been able to defend against much slower cars. This was a poor performance, and Russell’s incredible race only sheds light on how poor Bottas’ was. He must feel his place at Mercedes will be at risk, at least for 2022. The other driver with a reverse fairytale was Albon. Yes, he improved from P12 on the grid to P6 at the flag, but four of those places were due to crashes and the Mercedes shenanigans in the pit lane. Worse than that, Perez’ blitzing drive from the back exposed how little progress the Thai driver made through the race. The Mexican did exactly what Red Bull expects from their second driver: picking up the pieces when the Mercedes are not in contention. * George Russell might not have had the fairytale ending he was dreaming of, but he nevertheless made clear he is made of star stuff. He couldn’t have hoped for a better stake on a 2022 seat at Mercedes, and one has to wonder if Toto Wolff will have been secretly happy that he has made such a statement. After all, it might make what otherwise would be a very difficult decision much, much easier. * Russell might not have gotten his maiden podium, but there was another debutant there. Esteban Ocon didn’t have the most remarkable of races, but made the most of the opportunity. He couldn’t hold Perez or Russell behind, but did just enough to cling at the front, and when other frontrunners had problems, he was there to take advantage. It must have been a relief for him after such an inconsistent year, marked by multiple mechanical failures. It gives him a much needed confidence boost for 2021. * With the Frenchman, there have now been 13 different drivers on the rostrum, in just 16 races. And all it took was for one of the front three teams to have a bad car for the opportunities to open up. * Lance Stroll was also up there, but felt that, just like in Monza, P3 should have maybe been P1. He certainly put in the hard work, having done half of the race in a set of softs, when everybody else didn’t risk running more than 15 laps or so on similar tyres. His second stint, however, was not strong enough to compete with his teammate or even to get close to Ocon in what should be a slower car. The Canadian has shown some good pace at times but is still missing the killer instinct to turn these opportunities into wins. * Daniil Kvyat is definitely making the most of the (probably) last races of his F1 career. The Russian had another strong weekend, and although he admitted he could have finished higher than P7, he was still clear of his teammate in P11. A strong end of the season will go some way in helping him find a future outside of F1. * The rookies did ok. Aitken qualified pretty close to his teammate and was on course to finishing ahead of Raikkonnen when he had his crash, but still recovered to beat the other rookie. Fittipaldi was never close to matching Magnussen and didn’t have the race pace to compete with anyone, but for someone who hadn’t race in over a year, he did reasonably well. The Brazilian is sure of having another shot in Abu Dhabi, and it will be interesting to see if he can get closer to the rest of the field after his first outing this weekend.

#sakhir grand prix #Formula 1 #sergio perez #George Russell #Valtteri Bottas #alex albon #Esteban Ocon #Lance Stroll #Daniil Kvyat #jack aitken #pietro fittipaldi

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puppyexpressions · 5 years

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Top 10 Smartest Dog Breeds

Border Collie

The border collie is perhaps the smartest of all dogs and the overachiever of the canine world. If most dogs have the intelligence of the average 2-year-old child, then a border collie might be as smart as a 4-year-old. Originally bred as a sheepdog, border collies can perform just about any job you can give them and excels at sports. Extremely energetic, athletic, and driven, it seems that the border collie is always up for learning something new. In fact, if you don't keep this breed constantly moving, learning, and working, it will find its own way to keep busy.

Breed Overview

HEIGHT: 18 to 22 inches

WEIGHT: 28 to 48 pounds

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: Medium-sized, rough or smooth medium-length double coat, the body is slightly longer than it is tall, the head is long, comes to a point at the nose, ears stand erect with tips curling over.

Australian Shepherd

One of the world's most intelligent dog breeds, the Australian shepherd is brilliant, active, and friendly. Its background as a sheepdog has made this breed a diligent worker that desires physical activity and mental challenges. The Aussie will learn much faster than you expect and be quickly ready to move onto something new. Aussies need to be kept busy with work or they become bored and frustrated. Dog sports are ideal for this breed, especially those that engage the Aussie's natural athletic ability.

Breed Overview

HEIGHT: 18 to 23 inches

WEIGHT: 40 to 65 pounds

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: Medium-sized sturdy body; medium to long coat in blue merle, red merle, black, or red with feathering on the back of the legs and a generous mane around the neck.

Poodle

Despite its fancy or even "prissy" appearance, the poodle is a highly intelligent dog. Toy, miniature, or standard in size, this breed is gifted with some of the best canine brain power. The poodle originated as a hunting dog and continued to be a diligent worker and trusty companion. Poodles are often seen as performing animals, especially the smaller ones. You can teach a poodle to balance on a ball, jump through a hoop, or do a wide range of other actions.

Breed Overview

HEIGHT: Standard: 15 inches; miniature: 10 to 15 inches; toy: 10 inches and under

WEIGHT: Standard: 45 to 70 pounds; miniature: 15 to 18 pounds; toy: 5 to 9 pounds

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: Curly, dense single-layer coats that may be one of many solid colors, including white, black, grey, brown, and apricot.

Australian Cattle Dog

The Australian cattle dog is an extremely focused and driven dog breed that forms a close bond with its owner. This dog was bred to herd cattle and is happiest with a job to do. Without stimulation, it might find ways to keep busy that you might not like (destructive behavior or wandering away to explore). Treat your Australian cattle dog well and the two of you will be friends for life. These dogs stick close to their owners and make sure everything is running smoothly. Like most smart dogs, they are very good at reading people.

Breed Overview

HEIGHT: 17 to 20 inches

WEIGHT: 35 to 50 pounds

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS:

Powerful, muscular body with a short, dense double coat; wide-set, erect ears; feet are small and round with short toes; long tail is held down, then curves upward.

German Shepherd Dog

The German shepherd dog is a loyal, protective breed that has so much energy and intelligence that it sometimes acts high-strung or anxious. German shepherds thrive when given an important job to do. Something as simple as "supervising and protecting" the children gives it a sense of purpose. This breed needs plenty of mental stimulation and exercise in order to thrive.This breed is often found working with police or military operations. They can learn most actions in just a few steps. Once trained, German shepherds will do what you ask and then look for the next task to perform. The Belgian Malinois, which also looks a lot like a German shepherd, is also a highly intelligent breed.

Breed Overview

HEIGHT: 22 to 26 inches

WEIGHT: 60 to 100 pounds

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS:

Large, athletic build with a double coat, comprised of a thick undercoat and a dense, slightly wavy or straight outer coat with tan and black or red and black coloring.

Shetland Sheepdog

The Shetland sheepdog is smarter than you might think at first glance; it is sometimes misjudged as aloof. The Sheltie can be quiet and graceful as well as energetic and playful. Independent and wise, this sheepdog is always watching its environment, eager to learn, or waiting for a signal from you. This breed is very good at reading people and often tunes into their personalities. Shelties form close bonds with their owners and are extremely responsive to training. The collie, a close relative of the Sheltie, has similar intelligence.

Breed Overview

HEIGHT: 13 to 16 inches

WEIGHT: 15 to 25 pounds

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS:

Double coat–outer coat consists of long hair that’s harsh to the touch, while the undercoat is shorter, furry, and dense–with a full mane with feathering on the legs and tail.

Papillon

Don't be fooled by the delicate frame of the papillon. This is more than a lap dog. In fact, the papillon is one of the smartest of all the toy breeds. This breed is friendly, alert, and active. It might snuggle on your lap for a bit, but before long, the papillon will be looking for something interesting to do. Like many small dogs, the papillon has a bit of a stubborn streak. However, if you can make training worth its while (have high-value rewards), then the dog will learn quickly. Teach this cute little dog a variety of fun tricks and you will impress your friends.

Breed Overview

HEIGHT: 8 to 11 inches

WEIGHT: 6 to 10 pounds

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS:

Petite yet hardy toy with a straight, long, single-layer coat with frills, and a butterfly-like appearance of its erect ears and alert demeanor.

Rottweiler

The Rottweiler is one of those dogs that really knows how to read people, often showing a different side of its personality based on how much the person is trusted. The typical Rottweiler has an affectionate, playful side shown to trusted family members and a stoic, controlled side shown to strangers. Don't try to pull a fast one on them or the people they protect. This breed can be trained fairly easily once you earn their trust and get past their headstrong ways. Rottweilers can learn to perform many actions and will always keep an eye on the environment to make sure everyone is safe.

Breed Overview

HEIGHT: 22 to 27 inches

WEIGHT: 80 to 130 pounds

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS:

Large, muscular body with a rugged short, somewhat coarse, but shiny black coat with clearly defined rich tan facial markings.

Jack Russell Terrier

The Jack Russell terrier seems to be missing from many smart dog breed lists. Perhaps it is because this clever little dog moves too fast to be noticed by some. The Jack Russell, along with the closely related Parson Russell terrier, is a fearless, energetic dog with a sharp wit and a stubborn streak. There's no fooling this little terrier. Good luck trying to stop this dog from getting what it wants. Because of their energy and brainpower, these breeds excel at dog sports like agility and barn hunting. Their desire to keep moving can make training challenging at first but rewarding once you see how well these dogs can perform.

Breed Overview

HEIGHT: 10 to 15 inches

WEIGHT: 13 to 17 pounds

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS:

Square compact build; the head is small and blocky with almond-shaped dark eyes; dropped ears, set high; and slim, erect tail.

Golden Retriever

The golden retriever is among the world's most popular dog breeds and one of the friendliest dogs around. On the surface, the breed may seem goofy, but a golden can learn to do just about anything. Its intelligence and love for people make this breed one of the best for work as a service dog. The golden also excels in all kinds of dog sports. The breed makes an excellent companion for almost any kind of household. Honorable mention goes to this breed's "cousin," the Labrador retriever, which shares many of the same traits as the golden.

Breed Overview

HEIGHT: 21 to 24 inches

WEIGHT: 55 to 75 pounds

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS:

Sturdy, muscular, medium-sized dog with a lustrous gold coat with a broad head, friendly and intelligent eyes, and short ears.

#smart dogs #intelligent dogs #top 10 #smart breeds #intelligent breeds

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cosmiciaria · 5 years

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Radiata Stories review! (spoiler free - long post!)

I am SPEECHLESS. I can't believe I spent so many years without knowing about this game. My friend thoroughly recommended it to me but with my ps4 and many other pc games, I just wasn't in the mood for a ps2 oldie. But here I am, and I want to spread the word: play Radiata Stories.

In the world of Radiata, the land is divided into regions that belong to different races: elves, dwarves, orcs, humans (and ronsos – no, sorry, wrong game – but you can't fool me there's a lion guy who looks like Kimahri from FFX). These species have been at odds since time immemorial, and thus the dragons – Earth, Water, Fire, Wind, Silver and Gold – have guarded their beings from above.

We follow Jack Russell, a 16-year-old who dreams of becoming a knight. We accompany him to the entrance exams, only to see him fail miserably against a girl, Ridley Silverlake. Despite his clumsiness and obvious embarrassment for having been defeated, he's allowed to join the Radiata Knights, alongside Ridley, only because he's the son of an important late knight. They form a new brigade called Rose Cochon, under Captain Ganz Rothschild's leadership.

This trio will be sent into action in no time. Their dynamics are fun and there's a bit of rivalry between the two new knights, but they get things done. Ganz is proud to finally be able to be captain of his own brigade, and regards his two pupils with care and wisdom. This seems to be the flow the story is going to follow.

An important quest arrives: Rose Cochon brigade must reach the Elf Region and ask the Light Elves leader for a favor. However, things get tough in their journey there: a blood orc attacks the Dark Elves village, and the brigade plunges in to fight and defend.

In the battle, Ridley gets mortally wounded. Jack gets all frantic and desperate, and the brigade asks for the Elves' help. Lord Nogueira, the Dark Elf leader, decides to do the unthinkable for non-humans: the only way to save Ridley is to perform the transpiritation ritual, a spell only available for elves that allows them to take the soul of a dying fellow and use it to heal another one who might still live.

The ritual is successful, and Ridley's soul is fused with that of a small elf who'd died in the battle. Everything seems to settle down for a bit, with Jack and Ganz returning to Radiata City filled with good hopes for Ridley.

The next day, you're fired from the Knights.

This is where the game opens up for you!

From now on, it's just you, Jack, in the middle of a big city, paving his way to the top of the Vancoor Theater guild, the guild of warriors. Since the only thing you can do is fight, better to put it to good use and earn some money in the process!

The game offers a variety of things to do. You can start recruiting people as party members. You know, like, in Dragon Age, you can recruit characters into your team? Or, in any other rpg, that you have a team of five or six characters, maybe some more? Yes? Ok, here in RS you can recruit (listen to me) over 170 characters. Yep, you read right. Mind you, you can't recruit them (catch 'em all) in your first playthrough, but just so you know, yes, this game is that big.

Some people will ask you for a favor before they're added to the 'friend list', but others will join your right off the bat. Once you have a respectable team of four party members that you choose, you can begin doing solo missions, which are the guild's assignments to you and will redound in money and goodies. You get to know the other guild's members, you get to fight alongside them, you get to know and care for the civilians in the city. With a night-day system, if this game is anything, is alive.

NPC's have their own schedule: following the clock in the top left corner, they do and say different stuff depending of the moment of the day you approach them. They're walking around the city, performing random things, making them seem alive. Some events are only available at night, some others only during day. Some people will be nice, others not so much. Some parts of the city will shine, others will look depressing and dirty. Birds chirp, trees are swept by the wind's fine breeze, mosquitoes swarm around – this game breathes life into its pixels in every corner.

Now that we're on the aesthetic aspect, I must admit, this game looks gorgeous. With a very prominent anime artstyle, still it aged pretty well for today's standards: sometimes the lighting was too real, the sunlight pouring from the mountain's side, the character's long shadow stretching onto the road. The animations are good as well, as are the physics: I am beyond amazed by how well clothes and hairs move as flawlessly as if they were real. Each of the recruitable characters have a different victory pose and they have different lines for everything. Some particle effects are really nice, since I didn't think there existed the technology for it back then. The main city is huge, and when I say huge, I mean, every door you see, you can enter, and inside you'll find at least a two-floor building with objects to interact with and people to talk to. And don't even get me started on how BIG the Vareth Institute is in itself – and all that stuff is optional! The world is also vast and filled with brimming elements, although don't be fooled by the illusion of 3D: this game is, mostly, a 2D experience when you want to go from point A to point B.

You'll spend a good chunk of your game doing tasks for the guild. In the meantime, Ganz is somewhere playing the bandit and Ridley is hearing voices in her head. In this 'middle' part of the game, the story seemed to drag on forever for a bit: I wanted to go on with the main plot, and, while you can actually do that (just hit the sleep option over and over until a cutscene appears), the game tends to make you go through long and tedious solo missions to get that Grind™ you need. Dungeons are not long or too big in reality, but the number of encounters (which are forced on you since you can't avoid enemies by circling around most of the times for the 2D aspect) turns what should've been a walk in the park into a dragging hell. This portion of the game, I'm not going to lie, seemed a bit too long for me. And since the gameplay mostly consists in pressing the circle button and hearing Jack yell "Ha! Haiiyaah! Ha! Haiiyaah!" for ten hours straight, yeah, it can get boring.

But I guess the game was trying to make you feel at ease, comfortable around these walls. You're training your fave party members, you go with them everywhere to play the warrior and earn some money, you get occasional messages from Ridley telling you everything's fine – until the plot makes a halt and suddenly you must choose.

I'll keep this spoiler free, but this game is almost fifteen years old, so these are no news: there will come a point where the plot branches into two possible paths, the Human side, and the Non-Human side. I can't tell you which one is right, for there seems to be pros and cons in both, so I'll let your heart decide. For what we care now, I chose the Non-Human side, completely convinced with my decision, only to see myself doubt in many instances.

At this point, your plot shakes. Your comfort zone breaks. Suddenly, things are changing: your team is not there anymore, Ridley acts weird, where the hell is Ganz, what's going on with the dragons? Who am I supposed to trust in this world full of people who just want to exterminate each other?

I won't spoil it. I'll just say, that whatever you choose, please stand firm by your decision. You'll need that conviction, because the game is going to make your ground tremble a few times. And with those endings that await you – man, I don't know if I want to finish either path.

So, to avoid spoilers, I'll talk about the characters a bit!

Jack is your main protagonist, as you could've guessed. He's your average shonen main guy, at least in the beginning hours. He's clumsy, he wants to be a hero, and he even mocks shonen protagonists by saying that he'll awaken to a dormant power and save the world with his friends. But life hits him hard, accuses him of things he hasn't done, and so Jack evolves across the story. His character development is subtle, but it's there: he starts off as a brat who wants to fight, ends on a mature note, with some quite insightful thoughts and reactions I haven't expected from him. Normally, the shonen guy remains a shonen guy; this doesn't happen here. Jack ends up being an adorkable character, worthy of respect, sympathy, and a force to be reckoned with.

Ridley remains a calm force during the game. She's collected, she's well-educated, and she knows her way around. At the beginning, she can't stand Jack much, but as days go by, she starts to consider him as an equal and true friend. In the Non-Human path, her romantic feelings towards him are crystal clear: there's a small spark between them, that flickers every now and then when the plot allows them a moment's respite. Only them and a handful of other characters know the truth behind the transpiritation event, and as such there's a profoundly deep connection that keeps them together, although they're separated most of the story.

Ganz is ma fave boi and he must be protected at all costs. A young and promising man, Ganz was created to be likeable. You can't help but sympathize with his funny appearance: chubby, huge armor, huge sword, and funny moustache. But he's also a man of wisdom, with a golden heart. He's righteous and wants to do good. And he deserves all the love in the world.

Other notable characters are Genius, a scientist who's obsessed with the transpiritation thing that went down, and may know more about the plot than it seems at first glance; Natalie, a guarding woman who works as Ridley's not-so-secret bodyguard; Larks¸ the leader of the Knights and whose motivations remain a mystery to me even to this day – I can't read into this character at all!; Lord Zane, the leader of the Light Elves, who laughs maniacally when no one is watching and I can't bring myself to like him; Gawain, Ganz's father, who disappeared 16 years ago since his best friend died; and Cross, Ridley's fiancé, who just wants to be the best hunter and paves his way to the top of the knight ranks by any means necessary. I hate this guy so much, his only trait is 'I am a bad person' and that's it, he's so cartoonishly evil it makes me want to punch the screen. Probably you see more of him in the Human path, but unless he has a very tragic backstory to redeem him, he's not likeable at all. I mean, you can say that he has ambition and he gets s*it done, but still, damn him, and his voice actor, UGH.

Despite some minor thingies, the relationship between the characters is gold. Jack and Ridley are cute and make me wanna draw the meme of NOW KISS every two seconds. Jack and Ganz are companion goals. Ganz and his father – I loved that they kept their interactions personal and off screen. Idk why, but this story is about Jack, and yes, I care for Ganz as well, but his trouble with his father was his own, not Jack's, so I guess this is a director's decision which I'm 100% behind.

The plot can get predictable at times, but there's also a healthy amount of plot twists that made my jaw drop in a few occasions. I mean, I guessed who the bad guy was since the beginning, but let's face it, it's pretty obvious and the game doesn't hide it. There are other things that made the plot unfold worth my time, like trying to recruit that awesome character, or like what is the deal with Jack's late father, or what the hell is going on with Ganz, and what will happen to the city now that I'm on the Non-Human side? And the game answers them all (I read that the manga answers even more questions, so treat yourself).

All in all, RS is a vast jrpg experience, with high replay value and tons of things to explore. The world seems small, but it isn't. There's always a reward for those who wander off. For a ps2 title, this game is giant. And in the good sense. I thought I had seen the pinnacle of the ps2 era with Final Fantasy XII, but I'm highly considering changing my view on that one.

The endings are bittersweet in both paths. There's not a complete happy ending, I warn you. Things get darker towards the end, and the story knows how to subvert expectations in the good way. Remember Jack saying he wanted to be the hero like in a shonen anime? Well, not happening in this game guys. At the end of the day, this isn't a shonen story: this is a Radiata Story (roll credits), and like in every country's history, sometimes blood must be shed for events to take place and situations to unfold.

I am beyond pleased with this game. I'm considering playing through the Human side now – but first I need to recover myself from this Non-Human ending. I'm not ready to face more tragedy yet.

Go play it. Just do it. You won't regret it.

And pray that Tri-Ace develops ONE DAY a decent sequel.

#radiata stories #tri ace #jack russell #ganz rothschild #ridley silverlake #square enix #videogame #videogame review #review #ps2 #valkyrie profile

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sunfloweradore · 6 years

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winsome*

- harry is an annoyed paperboy -

Harry fucking hated his job. In fact, the word “hate” probably couldn’t even begin to describe the disdain he felt towards it. He was a paperboy and he was 25, for God’s sake, he should be done with college college (he’d dropped out last year and his mom’s friend offered him this job- there wasn’t anything else and he was honestly too lazy to find something different so he just accepted) and getting his life together, but instead he was throwing paper into rich people’s yards like he was 13. The people were annoying, the sun was hot, and, honestly, he just wanted to go home and play video games instead of waking up at the asscrack of dawn to deliver cheap newspapers to people who don’t even read them. The only decent part of it all was this one girl who always seemed to wake up just as early as he did. She’d wait on the steps for him with an extra £20 and a ridiculous smile on her face. Her name was Y/N, as she’d told him the first time he’d delivered papers to that neighborhood. She was outside laying in the grass and he went up to her to make sure he wasn’t delivering to a dead girl. She was fine, though- just weird.

Her eyes had snapped open as soon as he came within a few feet of her, excitedly dashing to her feet to greet him with her outstretched hand. Adorning her fingers were rings made out of diamonds and gold, glimmering in the rising sunlight. Those rings led to perfectly manicured nails that were just long enough to get his attention. On her body was a silky blue robe that ended mid-thigh, tied loosely around her waist. She introduced herself, taking the time to pull out way more money than he deserved… right out of her bra. It seemed to be a set that went along with her robe, lacy and delicate, and Y/N apparently didn’t care that he saw it at all. In fact, it seemed like she wanted him to. That was when Harry knew he’d have to deliver to that neighborhood again. Honestly, she was a pest most of the time but it was nice to have the company when all he ever really heard was the chirping of birds and water fountains.

Every single morning she had on a different robe, the same length and the same style, and, Harry assumed, the same type of lingerie. It irked him, a lot, actually. He knew she was rich- it was fine, whatever, but the fact that she knew she was going to be around him every morning and still wore something like that made him think she was doing it on purpose. Harry thought he was a pretty decent looking guy, especially compared to what other 225-year-old college dropouts probably looked like, but there was no way she was that into him. Harry concluded that she was most likely insane because she woke up so early and had a crush on a paperboy who probably made what he made in a month in an entire year (plus, she somehow knew he had a thing for lingerie sets… witchcraft was another theory).

Don’t get him wrong, he was a feminist and believed that women should be able to do whatever they want, wear whatever they want, and be whoever they wanted to be, but it was just too much sometimes. Branching off of the witchcraft theory, it seemed like Y/N was always on his mind. Whether it be when he’s shopping for groceries and sees her favorite fruit or when he’s laying in bed with his hand on his cock. The image of her smooth, silky legs gracefully moving in time with his own was enough to get him worked up, but his mind always managed to drift back to the gorgeous blue, lacy bra he’d seen the first day he met her. It was imprinted into his mind like nothing he’d ever experienced before. He could describe the way her breasts curved out of them to someone before he could tell them his middle name. He thought about her a freaky amount, in his opinion (once again, he’d like to argue that it was witchcraft), and every time he was with her, he found himself wanting more. More of her soft skin, more of her gentle voice, preferably in a bed without a bag full of newspapers.

Today the robe was a baby pink color, slippers with a fuzzy little ball on top adorning her feet that never seemed to be dirty despite her always running around in the grass. She was sitting criss-cross on the ground with her dog, not noticing Harry yet. He began to walk closer, thinking she’d look up at him, but all she did was spread her legs in an attempt to get away from Doodle, her Jack Russell Terrier, who was nipping at her cute slippers. Here’s the thing, Harry was a gentleman. He swore he was. His mother had raised him to be, but holy shit, he wasn’t blind. Underneath her silk robe lied a place that he’d definitely thought of multiple times within the past few months, a place that he didn’t ever expect to actually see, though. Apparently, the lingerie set included slitless panties that showed off almost everything he ever could have dreamt of. He didn't even know where you could get that kind of shit, probably on some crazy expensive website that only women like Y/N knew about.

“Harry!” she gasped. His head snapped up, leaving a crick in it. He was fucking sure she’d noticed him staring, expecting her to yell at him and to never come back to this side of town ever again or she’d sue him for all he was worth (which probably wouldn’t be too difficult) but all he got was her familiar gleaming smile. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in years!” she got up, looping her arm with his, purposefully feeling his muscles with her other hand.

“It’s only been a day,” he said quietly. His mind was still reeling over the thought of her wearing slitless panties. Slitless! As if he didn’t have enough trouble with the robes and the bra and the legs, now he knew that she was wearing underwear that didn’t even cover her all the way, probably every single day that he’s known her! He felt like he was invading her privacy, obviously she hadn’t meant to flash him like that… right?

“Still! I have so much to tell you about! I had to fire this girl at work because she messed up a shipment and you know how much I hate firing people, it’s the worst. All of the paperwork and the crying, but my assistant said I couldn’t make her fire people anymore, so, of course, I had to fire her, too,” she rambled. He didn’t really know what she did, but he knew that she made a lot, especially considering that she was his age, she was probably some sort of CEO after taking over the family business. She was very smart, he knew that, and apparently fired people a lot.

“But anyways, what’s been up with you? Did you ever apply at that one place?” she asked, referring to McDonald's. Harry would be annoyed with her if he didn’t know that she wasn’t coming from a malicious or mocking place. She was just so sweet to him, treating him like he wasn’t some boy who delivered newspapers to her mansion, just like they were both average people. But, realistically, she didn’t even know what McDonald's was and things like that diminished his hope of ever being more than… whatever they were.

“No, but I think I might go back to school. I still want to write songs or something like that, just have to get my degree and I might be able to,” he spoke, throwing another newspaper to the next yard.

“Oh, that’s great!” she gasped. “You know, you could work as my assistant in the meantime if you wanted to. I obviously need a new one and I trust you not to fuck up anything.”

“I- that’s a lot to ask of you, Y/N, I’m not sure I’d be a great fit for… what is it you do? Sorry, it’s never really come up before,” he asked, slowly unraveling their arms in order to get a better angle on tossing the next paper. His eyes drifted to her legs when she kicked a stray stone back into the person’s front lawn, the femininity of how her foot curved made him want to run his mouth up her legs, kissing until he reached the pretty, glossy sight that he stumbled upon earlier that day.

“Oh, woah, you’re totally right, sorry I spaced that,” she laughed. Harry mumbled an “it’s fine” and cleared his throat.

“Have you ever heard of a company called ‘Ravish’?” she asked. He shook his head, trying to jog his memory for any type of companies that could be called that. A shoe company? Maybe something like Amazon?

“Well… I could show you, if you like,” she offered, wrapping her hands around his bicep again and pulling him to a stop. His eyes followed her tongue, peeking out and running across her bottom lip, painting it with a light, wet sheen. He could feel himself plumping up even more in his boring, and, in his opinion, disgustingly ugly trousers. Getting on her toes so she could lean into his ear, she whispered, “I promise it’ll be worth your while, Harry.” Breath caught in his throat, he nodded apprehensively.

Y/N’s house was bigger than anything he’d ever seen, probably more than 20x bigger than the space he and Mitch lived in. There was a beautiful marble staircase that was surrounded by plants and vases that he tried his hardest to steer clear of in order to avoid breaking them. That staircase led to a large master bedroom that had a four-post bed with curtains around the sides, giving it an elegant, almost royal feel.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are we in here?” he asked, avoiding thoughts of her bent over the silk sheets. She ignored him.

“What do you like to listen to?” she asked, walking over to a record player. It seemed to be the only technology in the room, actually, and it made Harry feel kind of fuzzy-headed. She was honestly his dream girl and he had no idea what made her want to invite a paperboy into her home.

“Whatever you do,” he mumbled, wanting to see if that was true. Y/N hummed, picking up a vinyl that was sitting next to the record player, one that didn’t look to be in spotless condition like the others in what seemed like a vast collection. It was something he’d never heard before, which was surprising, but he liked it.

“Now, I need you to tell me something, okay? And be honest,” she said, gesturing for Harry to sit on her bed. “Are you interested in me?” He sputtered, unsure of what was going to be happening while he was there with her and felt his ears getting red.

“I-I mean, yeah, I think, but I get it if you d-” he said, shakily.

“Harry,” she spoke, sternly. He looked up. “Tell me honestly, are you interested in me?”

“Yes, I’m interested in you,” he said. Y/N smiled, kissing his cheek.

“Okay, I’m interested in you, too,” she said. He broke out into a grin.

“Oh, thank God, I thought you were going to kill me or something,” he joked. She hummed, a knowing smile on her face.

“Well, you never know,” she said. Harry was about to make a quip back at her but quickly shut his mouth, watching her slide her robe off of her shoulders. Her breasts rose and fell with each breath she took, sitting nicely in the cups of her bra, confirming all his suspicions of it being a matching set. Her left leg slid in between his, resting nicely against his growing bulge. She lifted one of her perfectly manicured hands and ran it across his jaw, slowly sliding it into his messy hair. Her other leg went over his own so she was straddling his thigh, Harry’s hands grasping her hips to make sure the moment was actually happening, hoping it would keep her there if it wasn’t.

“You’re so good for me, Harry,” she whispered. She expected him to lean into her hand or moan, something like that, but all she got was a suddenly dark look in his eyes. The next thing she knew, she was being pinned to her own bed, both of her wrists fitting into his hand. Her chest was heaving, her pussy throbbing at how his broad body completely covered her own and made her feel smaller than she actually was.

“Nuh-uh, that’s not how this is going to work, Y/N,” he growled. “I’ve been good for the past three months, now it’s your turn.” She moaned, mouth agape slightly at his unusual but very anticipated show of dominance. He took the chance to place his lips on hers. The kiss was wet and sloppy but so nice and neither of them could really believe it was happening. He was surrounded with the soft scent of her skin and the silk sheets against his hand, deciding that he wanted to feel a different kind of silk. Without her really expecting it, his hand drifted to her slit, already coated in her arousal. They simultaneously groaned against each other’s lips at how wet and ready she was for him. He rubbed her clit lightly, not enough to provide the stimulation she wanted but enough to make her crave more.

The air in the room was quickly becoming heated, the rock ballad that Harry didn’t know but was really beginning to like playing in the background. Harry pulled away from her, ignoring her fingers making grabby motions and the pout that adorned her lips. It was crazy to him how fast she could switch between being an absolute sex kitten to being this goofy, childlike girl. He liked it, a lot. He brought his hard cock out of his trousers, quickly unbuttoning his shirt and tossing it somewhere across the room. He did the same with his underwear and her bra, placing himself at her entrance but making no move to actually enter.

“Do you have any condoms, love?” he asked, pinching her nipple over her pretty bra until she arched into his hand with fervor. He placed himself between her legs again, lifting one of them so it was bent, her foot against the bed and her knee towards the air.

“I’m on birth control, please, just hurry up,” she said, exasperated at his teasing and just wanting to feel him. He laughed through his nose a little, deciding to drag it on even longer because of how bratty he thought she was being. Throbbing waves of pleasure entered them both when Harry glided his tip over her clit, painting it with his precum and letting her try and buck her hips. Hair was sprawled across the bed, Y/N’s eyes blown with lust, lips swollen from his bruising kiss. He thought she looked angelic, ironically.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, baby. Is that what you want? You want me to stuff you full of my cock? Feel me inside of you for weeks, sweetheart?” he asked gruffly.

“Yes, please, j-just put your cock in me,” she moaned. Signs of her desperation leaked from her pussy, Harry dipping his head into her slightly and rubbing back towards her clit, teasing her. He placed his hands on her lower lips, spreading them so she could feel him better.

“I don’t know if you deserve my cock, you’ve been a bad girl. I don’t think you’re sorry for teasing me like that…” he scolded. “”Every single day, you wear your naughty sets, pretending that you’re innocent. You make me go home hard and alone, imagining your pretty mouth wrapped around me. No, little girl, I don’t think you’re sorry at all.”

“I am!” she gasped. “I am sorry, please, I promise!” Her body writhed against the expensive silk sheets and Harry made a note to himself that he should buy silk sheets.

“No, you’re not, but you will be,” he said. He slammed into her, jerking the headboard into the wall, setting a ruthless pace that he’d been waiting to give her for far too long. Y/N’s jaw went slack, letting his movements bring shocks across her body and light it on fire with his eyes. Her underwear was absolutely drenched in her arousal, any semblance of cleaning it shot out the window almost as soon as he agreed to come over. A groan flew from his mouth at the sound his thrusts were making, his thumb rubbing her clit harshly.

“Listen to how messy you are, baby, just for me, huh?” he huffed.

“Yes! Yes, just for you, please!” she yelped, trying to grasp onto anything to hold back. He felt so big inside of her, hitting deep and not allowing her to form a coherent thought.

“Please, what?” he asked, thrusting even more intensely.

“Please let me cum!” she shouted, thrashing around on the bed and holding onto his neck to gain some kind of resistance against her orgasm.

“Hmm, already? Are you sure you’ve earned that? I don’t know, I think seeing you hold it back would make me believe you’re finally a good girl,” he spoke, flicking her clit even harder to see if she could actually do it.

“I-I can’t, please!” she sobbed. She tightened around his cock, causing him to hiss and continue rubbing her clit out of spite.

“Just a little longer, sweetheart, then you can cum all over my cock, yeah? Drench me in your sweet juices even more, let me feel how much you mean it,” he breathed, his own orgasm just around the corner. Eyes rolling into the back of her head, she clenched her teeth, legs twitching around his nimble hips when he pinched her clit.

“Okay, cum, baby, cum on my cock, milk me for all I’ve got,” he moaned. Earth-shattering waves crashed over her, all she could feel and all that she wanted to feel was Harry against her, the sugary sweet feeling of ecstasy dripping over her. It felt like Y/N was burning up and in a bath full of ice at the same time and she craved for more of it. His own orgasm pulsed through him, the wet stickiness painted her walls and caused an even smoother glide of his cock, breathless gasps exchanged through yet another bruising kiss. Harry was still thrusting, prolonging her orgasm longer than she’d experienced with anyone else, hitting all of her sensitive spots. Her teeth felt fuzzy from how hard she’d been clenching them and there was no way she wasn’t falling in love with this man.

“Fuck, yes, baby, just like that, so good, so good for me, letting me fill you up,” he groaned, causing the final and hardest wave to hit her. One of her arms fell from his neck to feel his biceps straining to hold himself above her body while still thrusting fairly intensely.

“I love your arms,” she mumbled, dazed and fucked out. He laughed, lying down beside her and letting her squeeze him.

“Really? Couldn’t tell,” he mumbled, completely relaxed.

“Yeah? Me constantly touching them didn’t give it away?” she joked.

“Not at all. I wasn’t too rough, was I?” he asked gently.

“No, it was really, really good,” she giggled, tracing his tattoos, familiarizing herself with them. They were quiet for a while until Harry realized something.

“Hey, you never told me what you do. Was that just a ploy to get me to come over?” he teased, poking her side.

“No! Well, maybe,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I own my own lingerie company. It’s called Ravish and I was hoping that if I wore it long enough you’d Google it. Plus, I wanted to turn you on enough to make a move on me or something.” It was silent for a moment again, Y/N growing anxious that he wouldn’t like her anymore because she owned a company basically designed for sex.

“Well, you’ve clearly learned nothing from a few minutes ago. Guess we have to try again until you do,” he said. She perked up quickly.

“I guess we do.”

hiii omg omg it’s been a year since i wrote my first story on here!! it’s also been a year since harry performed medicine live for the first time! i just wrote this as a lil anniversary thing bc i wanted to say thank you for reading the stuff on my account! i love writing (esp about harry) and seeing positive feedback from people is always so comforting and nice. so, once again, thank you if you've ever read anything i’ve written, if you’ve liked it, or even if you like me xxx

masterlist

#harry styles one shot #harry styles smut #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles preference

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foxboymyles · 5 years

Text

Pardon My Imprudence [Chp 4]

Note: Last Chapter for today :)

Zoro and Luffy started to walk out the door. The weather was pretty cold, with a slight breeze outside. The sun was just about to set. Luffy held Zoro’s hand with a smile on his face.

“Say, I saw a cool plush! It was a lion, but he had this mane that looked like the sun or somethin’” Luffy said.

“Oh? Nice. When was this?” Zoro asked.

Luffy stopped, all of a sudden. Zoro asked what was wrong, and he pointed at a weak dog on the sidewalk. It looked like it was a Jack Russell terrier, but he was really dirty and scrawny, as you could see his bones from the skin. Luffy walked towards it. He pet it gently as it slowly wagged its tail.

“He must be homeless. ‘Looks like he’s starving, too!” Luffy said, worried.

“Ice cream’s not that expensive. We should spend some on getting him some food.” Zoro added.

Luffy brightly grinned and jumped on Zoro. He repeatedly said thank you while kissing his cheek multiple times. Zoro blushed and with gentle hands, took Luffy off of him. Luffy picked up the scared dog and went to a dog store. They bought 8 dollars of dog food and a dog leash. Luffy gave the dog a handful of kebble, and like he expected, the dog ate it all in a whole gulp. Luffy put the dog on a leash, as the dog wagged his tail up and panted excitedly. He smiled and realized that he saved a life. Once Zoro and Luffy got their ice cream, they went home and Zoro took a rest on the couch. It was 9:00 PM now. Luffy filled a bowl up with pebble food as the dog rushed to it and chomped it. It was the right time to pour water into a bowl as well. Luffy gazed at the dog and grinned. Ace came downstairs with Sabo, and his eyes open wider than space.

“YOU BOUGHT A DOG WITH 20 DOLLARS?!?” He exclaimed.

Luffy shook his head.”I bought his stuff with 10 dollars. The doggie was free.”

Zoro blushed and chuckled when Luffy said ‘doggie’. Ace blushed and gave a big sigh.

“You’re gonna have to ask Shanks about this.”

“Oh, I already know,” Shanks said, appearing from out of the kitchen.

“I think it’s great. We’ve never had a family dog. All we need to do is find out if he’s had any of his shots.”

Luffy grinned and agreed with Shanks, petting the pup as it licked his face.

“I could pay for some of it if you’d want me to.” Said Zoro

Shanks was hesitant. “No no no, it’s quite alright. I can pay for it myself.”

“No, I insist. It’s the least I could do.” Zoro said.

“You don’t need to prove yourself. You already did. Ace can agree.” Shanks said, smiling.

Zoro stared for a while, then started petting the dog with Luffy.

“What should his name be?” Asked Sabo.

“ChouChou!” Luffy responded.

Shanks laughed and got his phone from the counter.

“Well, you kids can go to bed now,” Shanks said.

Zoro was about to get his stuff when Shanks interrupted him.

“You don’t have to leave, you know. Stay for the night.” Shanks said, dialing the number for Mihawk. “I’ll just call your father and tell him you’re sleeping over here.”

Zoro nodded and grabbed his stuff. He went upstairs to Luffy’s room and laid them down by the bed. Looking around, he observed the blue covered sheets and the starry night light that shined upon the dimly lighted room. There were shelves of boxing trophies and bottled miniature ships. There were a few clothes on the floor, his hamper barely hanging onto the pants he tossed in it. Looking in his drawers he found piles and piles of pirate and Tony Tony Chopper comics. Then there was the sock drawer. Zoro blushed and slowly opened what he assumed would be his underwear drawer. It was then that he slammed the drawer closed.

“Zoro! Whatcha doin’?” Luffy asked, innocently.

“Ah, nothing important. I was just looking at your room.” Said Zoro.

“Oh! It looks cool, doesn’t it?” Luffy said. “I have something I saved for you, too!”

Luffy got a fluffy teddy bear from under his bed and handed it to Zoro. They both sat on his bed.

“I got this when Shanks adopted me. I think you should have it, though.” Luffy said, blushing.

Zoro grabbed it gently and looked up at him.

“Are you sure you want to give me this?” Zoro asked.

Luffy nodded and told him to close his eyes. He leaned into Zoro and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. Gradually, the slow soft kisses got faster. Zoro held his waist as Luffy rested his weight on him.

Ace opened the door, and Luffy pulled up the covers to the bed.

“Hey, I just needed that fly swatter you ha-” Ace said, only to look at Luffy struggling to not keep it obvious.

But it was definitely obvious. Ace quickly got the fly swatter, with a short thanks and a hot freckled face, and the door was shut. Zoro gave Luffy a long kiss back. Luffy rested his head on Zoro’s chest. He felt the warm vibrations as Zoro’s chest rose and fell.

“That was almost better than food,” Luffy said, cutely.

Zoro kissed him on the cheek. “Am I better than food?” Zoro asked.

Luffy looked up at him. “Yeah.” The teen gave Zoro a peck on the nose. Zoro chuckled and ran his hand through Luffy’s hair.

“ ‘Love you, Zoro.”

“I love you too,” Zoro replied.

It was getting late, and Luffy’s eyes felt droopy. Zoro was already fast asleep. The sky was lit in a dark blue, with the most beautiful stars. The silhouette of a tree stood out in the middle. The candle in the room dimly lit the space and shaded Zoro’s face in warm colors. Luffy’s eyes twinkled at the scene, from the stars that lit in the sky brightly. All at once, he seemed content. His eyes closed.

…

The next morning was bright. Too bright, Zoro thought. He grumbled angrily at the alarm clock and slapped the off button. Zoro shook Luffy, but he had no success of waking him up. Then, getting his surprisingly still cold-water bottle and poured in all over him. Luffy gasped awake and wriggled around. As soon as he realized what was going on, he hit Zoro in the arm.

“Stupid! I could have wakened up myself, ya know!” Luffy shouted.

“Yeah, sure,” Zoro said, getting his pants and baggy shirt on.

Luffy whipped something out of his closet and put it on. He had on blue shorts and a red tank top, put on his sandals, and waited for Zoro to put on his shoes. He laid on his stomach on the bed, both hands squishing his cheeks and his legs kicking slowly. For a moment he was looking at Zoro’s face. His tan skin and sharp eyes, up to his mint green hair. Zoro turned to look at Luffy once he realized Luffy was staring at him.

“Great, now you got me staring. Did you know you have huge eyes?” Zoro said.

“Is that somethin’ to make me mad?” Luffy replied, annoyed.

“No. I just look at you and I can see galaxies in them. Your eyes are- kinda pretty.” Zoro admitted.

“I’m not pretty! I’m a man!” Luffy shouted defensively while blushing.

Zoro walked passed him and opened the door. “I’m just saying your eyes look pretty. But sure, I guess you are pretty.”

“You’re just trying to taunt me, I know it! Let’s fight! Right now!” Luffy angrily shouted, following him down the stairs.

“Wow Luffy, even when you’re mad you’re beautiful,” Zoro said, jokingly.

“Beautiful?!? Bu- stop calling me that! It sounds girly!” Luffy yelled, even redder.

Sabo was up making pancakes. What was surprising is that Ace, Luffy’s usually sleepy and lazy brother, was up with an average look on his face. Sabo quickly got his suitcase and took off his apron. He wore a dress shirt and pants, with shiny black shoes. He was gathering his things out the door whilst Luffy was getting down the stairs.

“I have to go visit Koala now. She’s expecting me to get the storyboard in by today.” Sabo mumbled to Ace.

“Isn’t this your guys’-what- 4th anniversary?” Ace asked, helping Sabo.

Sabo turned to the tiny gift on the counter and grabbed it. He said a short thanks and hugged Luffy from the stairs. After that, the door shut faster than 3 seconds later. Luffy sat down on the couch.

“Sabo has a girlfriend?” Zoro asked.

“Yep. They’ve been together since they were 13.” Ace answered.

“Why don’t you guys go to our school?”

“We go to a private school. Guess it’s just because Shanks wants us to stay serious with want we want to accomplish.” Ace said.

Zoro frowned thinking of Mihawk’s plans for his education. Even if Zoro got good grades, he doesn’t know that he’ll take him to a private school or not.

“You ok, Zoro?” Luffy asked, his hand touching Zoro’s.

Zoro nodded, grabbing and kissing Luffy’s hand. Ace turned after hearing footsteps. Shanks was making his way down the stairs, with his watch in his hand.

“Ace, you gotta come with me,” Shanks said, hurryingly.

Ace raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“It’s Makino. She’s not feeling great.” Shanks responded.

“Makino? Why can’t I go?” Luffy asked.

“You have to take care of ChouChou,” Shanks said, as Ace raced after Shanks through the door.

There was a slam. Luffy huffed and laid his head in Zoro’s lap.

“Who’s Makino?” Zoro asked.

“She’s kinda like our mother. She’s really close to Shanks and she’s taught us a bunch of stuff.”

Luffy laughed. “The funny thing is that Shanks and she haven't started dating yet.”

“Well, maybe they're not sure if they're ready for it. It's better to be friends with someone a while before going into that.” Zoro said.

“That's true…” Luffy said. He extended his arm out to pet ChouChou. ChouChou barked, then licked all around Luffy’s hand.

“Hey, that tickles a little bit!” He said, laughing. Zoro smiled at his joyful face and laid his head on the armchair. Until there was a knock. Then murmuring. Luffy got the door and stood up, while the dog barked loudly.

“Hiii, Luffy!” Nami said, cheerfully with Usopp and Chopper behind her.

“Oh hi, Nami. What’s up?”

“Just wanted to check in with you goof-offs. Also..” Nami sat down and looked at the two, while Usopp and Chopper turned on the tv to watch a cartoon. “I wanted to know if you guys would like to come with us to prom? It’ll be really fun.”

“Prom? I’ve heard of that but I never been to it.” Luffy said, curiously. Zoro looked at Nami and nodded.

“We’ll be there.”

“Sweet!” Nami said, happily. “It’s in a month so no rush, but it wouldn’t be as fun without you dorks.” She smiled and turned to Usopp and Chopper. “Hey what are you both up to?”

Luffy looked at Zoro. “Is your dad going to be upset you’re still here?”

“Who knows but that doesn’t really bother me,” Zoro answered. ChouChou jumped into his lap.

“Do you and Ace get along now?” Luffy asked.

Zoro nodded. “Yeah. He’s a little secretive though. I don’t exactly know how he actually is.”

Luffy smiled. “He’s really cool once you get to know him. He always sticks up for me and Sabo. Just gets moods sometimes.”

Nami added. “He’s pretty cute!”

Zoro rolled his eyes. “Of course you say that.”

“Hey! It’s just my opinion.” Nami replied.

“What about Sanji?” Usopp asked Nami.

“Uh, I don’t know.” She said, quietly. That part of the discussion was stopped subtly by Nami. It looked like she was unsure about that part of her relationships, to Zoro. Luffy doesn’t really pay attention to that stuff, so if he asked him, he wouldn’t really have any interesting input about it.

“Chopper, that’s cheating!” Usopp said, furiously mashing his controller.

“Nuh uh, I just know how to play the game.” Chopper replied. “X Triangle X does a huge combo. You just didn’t know!”

Usopp gasped. “Ehhhh!?! Well, thanks for sharing your method!”

They hung out together for an hour or so, until Sabo came back home. He hung up his jacket and looked around.

“Hi guys. Looks like a full party here.” Sabo remarked.

“Hey Sabo!” Luffy said, walking up to him and hugging him tightly. “How was it with Koala?”

“It was great! We went to a restaurant. I think you’ll like to go there someday.” Sabo continued. “It’s a sandwich place and they add all different kinds of meat.”

Luffy’s eyes lit up. “That sounds like heaven.” He said as Sabo laughed. He turned and hugged Zoro gently.

“Hey, Zoro. How’s your day been?”

“Pretty good. Seems like you had fun.”

“Hi Sabo!” Usopp and Chopper said in unison. He greeted them back with the same enthusiasm. Then hugged Nami and smiled.

“Hi, Nami. How have things been?”

“They’ve been ok, I guess.” Nami quietly said. Sabo frowned. Lately, she’s looked like she’s not in the mood.

“Wanna chat outside for a minute? You seem sad.” Sabo replied. Nami nodded and walked outside to their backyard. She sat in one of their benches and crossed her legs. Sabo sat next to her, trying not to bother her as best as he could. Ever since Luffy had been Nami’s friend, Sabo has always been the person she talked to for help. Nami’s past wasn’t so great. Her mother died from gang members and her eldest sister is now taking care of her. She is especially very to herself, so at least one person she could vent to always made her mental health a lot easier to deal with. Since Sabo is her elder and his personality was warm and welcoming, it was very easy to open up to him.

“I think I like Sanji, but he’s not making it easy for me to do that.” Nami murmured.

“Why is that?” Sabo asked.

“He’s always talking about how he loves women so much. That’s ok but he’s just- I don’t know, obsessive. I’m not sure how I will deal with that if I get together with him.”

Sabo put a reassuring hand on Nami’s shoulder and looked her in the eye. “Tell him it bothers you. If you’re not ready to confess those types of feelings, then don’t do it yet. But if you observe his character afterward I’m sure it will lead you to your answer.” Sabo looked up. “But even if he’s not the right one for you, you are such a pretty and amazing girl. You are so strong, too. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Nami hugged him and smiled. “Thank you.” She felt a lot brighter now. It made Sabo feel like he did a good job. “I’m gonna go back now. Are you making anything?”

“Luffy wants Nachos for dinner, so I’ll start prepping that.”

“Oh, alright. Also, tell Ace I left him a present on his desk. I forgot to get him a birthday present last year, so I felt bad.” Nami said, leaving the sliding door open for Sabo to come in.

...

#zolu #fanfic #writing #sanami #sanam #sabo #luffy #zoro #chopper #usopp #ace #shanks #one piece #anime

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petculiars · 2 years

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Rat Terrier Life Span

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Rat Terrier Life Span

Rat Terriers are considered amazing dogs for families. They are very intelligent and very easy to train. This article should give you a better understanding of this breed and its lifespan.

Ratters, as Rat terriers are also called, are what professionals call a true terrier dog breed. They were developed and bred in the US, although the dogs originate from England. This breed was made by settlers that crossed the Manchester Terriers, which is an extinct White English Terrier, with the popular Fox Terrier. To improve their hunting skills, they were also bred with the beagle, and to boost their speed and stamina, they were also mingled with the Greyhound and Whippet dogs. The Rat Terrier dogs were used in the 1800s by the English miners to hunt rats that were populating the shacks and shafts of mines.

They were also very good in dog fights. As soon as Teddy Roosevelt got one as a pet, the Rat Terrier became a very popular and sought-after breed. The dogs even got the name Teddy Roosevelt Terriers because they were taken on hunting trips with the President.

Expected Life Span

The Rat Terriers have a life expectancy of around 25 years, although usually, they would live anywhere between 15 to 19 years. Some dogs from this breed are even known to go over the age of 25 years, but only when cared for properly. There are some experts that consider that this breed’s life expectancy is only around 15 years. In the end, it will come down to their genetic makeup, the inherited characteristics, the level of care they receive, and any health problems that affect them throughout their lifetime.

You might also like my articles on the lifespan of Pitbulls, information on the Labmaraner mix, and the German Shepherd Boxer Mix.

Breed Varieties

There are basically two different types of Rat Terrier dogs. These are the long-legged and the short-legged Rat Terriers. The long-legged ones come from the crossing between the Greyhounds and the Whippets, while the short-legged Rat Terriers have been made by breeding the Dachshunds with the Welsh Corgi dogs. The long-legged breed has amazing stamina and speed, very useful in sports and hunting, inherited through genetics from its parents. Rat Terriers also differ in their average height. These dogs have a standard height of anywhere between 14 and 23 inches. Those considered medium-sized will be somewhere between 8 and 15 inches tall and the toy dogs will be 8 inches or slightly lower.

Their Appearance

These dogs are very beautiful and will be great additions to your family. The Rat Terriers have a solid and powerful neck, strong shoulders, and a deep chest. Although their body is compact, it is also very solid. The color of the coat will be white, chocolate, red, pearl, sable, black-and-tan, blue-and-white, or red-bridle.

Personality Traits

Based on its character, we can categorize this dog breed as very active. Some specimens are known to have even double the energy that a Jack Russell Terrier might have. When running or chasing things, these dogs present a lot of grace. Their nose is very skilled at tracking scents and their overall personality is positive, making them very good-natured, well-behaved dogs.

They are considered very intelligent and inquisitive. Rat Terriers will get along amazingly well with children, especially if they are raised together. They will continue to be great companions to both children and adults even through adulthood, staying very playful and faithful. They are very quick and will make great watchdogs. They come with a fearless temperament, although they aren’t known to bark a lot. Training won’t prove to be a difficult task when it comes to these dogs. They are very fast learners and like to please their owners, making the training activity a joy. They are very good swimmers and very well-behaved. They need to be led by a confident owner, acting like a pack leader with a strong character and consistent behavior. This is to prevent them from developing territorial issues or a small dog syndrome.

Rat Terriers can be apartment dogs, but they will need their daily dose of outside exercise that shouldn’t last less than 20 minutes. They will do a lot better in a medium-sized yard where they can easily release their energy. They love both staying outdoors and indoors. You sdhouldn’t stress too much about grooming either. Weekly brushing and combing to remove any dead hair will usually suffice.

They have enough energy for the both of you, are very hard-working, and will help you get rid of any rats and mice around your house. Although they aren’t high maintenance, if you want to have them live for as much as possible, you will have to attend to their basic needs.

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naivepets · 3 years

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Convert Dog to Human Age Chart and Calculator

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Convert Dog to Human Age Chart and Calculator

Published : 2021-07-03 – Updated : 2021-07-04 author : disable World | Contact : disable World ( Disabled-World.com ) outline : slowly to read board and calculator shows the equivalent dogs age compared to a humans long time in years, includes average chase animation anticipation in years by breed. The previous formula that had been used for many years was based on the calculation that 1 andiron year equaled approximately 7 human years. The official holder of the world ‘s oldest frank is held by an australian Cattle Dog named Bluey who died in 1939 at age 29.

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disable World provides general information only. Materials presented are in no way meant to be a substitute for professional medical worry by a qualify practitioner, nor should they be construed as such. Any 3rd party offer or advertise on disabled-world.com does not constitute endorsement by Disabled World. Cite This Page ( APA ) : disable World. ( 2021, July 3 ). Convert Dog to Human Age Chart and Calculator. Disabled World. Retrieved February 21, 2022 from https://ift.tt/o4UB0qr

source : https://blog.naivepets.com Category : Dog

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junker-town · 4 years

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6 NBA veterans who will bounce back after disappointing seasons

Dejounte Murray, Marvin Bagley III, and Mike Conley should all bounce back next year.

Don’t write off these NBA players yet. They will be better next year.

The most disappointing players in 2020 who will break out/bounce back in 2021

There’s something fascinating about players who exit a season having failed to meet the public’s expectations. They’re infuriating, but also strangely relatable in more alluring ways than a machine-like superstar ever could be. Who among us doesn’t know how it feels to let other people down?

In the NBA, disappointment materializes in different ways for different reasons. Some situations are straightforward while others are inexplicable. Maybe there was an unexpected injury or the sudden onset of father time, or a complementary teammate was traded, short-circuiting a role someone used to thrive in. It’s a fluid, ambiguous, performance-driven league. So often we never find the answers we’re looking for because they don’t exist. Progress is not linear or automatic, and the same melody that warbles through even the most impressive careers will inevitably get interrupted by a record scratch or two.

But there’s also half-cup-full good news: down years are almost always followed by an opportunity to make amends. This applies to every player who sputtered through the 2020 season that is written about below. Each one is positioned to bounce back in 2021/whenever regular season basketball is played again.

Marvin Bagley III

Context is everything, even when the introduction to your NBA career has been as rough as Marvin Bagley’s was. It’s not his fault the Sacramento Kings picked him ahead of Luka Doncic or even Jaren Jackson Jr. It’s also not fair to blame Bagley for breaking his thumb in the opener of his second season, then spraining his foot a couple months later. (When he reaggrevated that foot injury in late January, Bagley deactivated his social media accounts.)

Criticism is indeed warranted, though. When healthy, Bagley has not been efficient. He lacks an obvious position/role, doesn’t shoot threes, has as many blocks as assists, and remains a tad, shall we say, predictable with his left hand.

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But it’s still too early to diagnose any firm limitations. The 21-year-old’s talent base is too extensive. To say nothing of his physical condition or confidence issues (almost every time he catches the ball on the wing his man begs him to shoot), it’s not easy to justify hype while learning the ropes of your adolescent NBA existence on one of the most dysfunctional organizations in professional sports.

Bagley has tried to plow his own lane in lineups that weren’t arranged to accentuate his strengths, already under two different coaches in two very different systems. That’s not easy, but riveting glimpses have already shined through the cracks; at some point Bagley will harness his absolute freak athleticism and blossom into the matchup nightmare he’s destined to be.

His second jump is second only to Zion Williamson’s, while his feet and wingspan were built to lock up taller guards and wings in isolation. If/when Luke Walton takes the seatbelt off this team and lets them run, Bagley and De’Aaron Fox will be a fireworks display in transition. He’ll eventually shoot more threes while continuing to take advantage of his size and length on quick duck-ins that highlight a soft touch few big men ever possess. There’s a monster lurking below the surface here. Even though his sophomore season was a total dud, do not sleep on a volcanic eruption in year three.

Mike Conley

Mike Conley was supposed to congeal a team that couldn’t overcome its own lack of individual playmakers in the playoffs every year. Instead Conley barely shot 40 percent from the field and struggled to define his place in an environment that was stylistically dissimilar from what he experienced in Memphis. Marc Gasol and Rudy Gobert are very different dance partners; Conley never found the right rhythm with Gobert, an awkward reality that chipped away at his confidence and gave birth to one too many over-thought floaters — a shot no point guard except Tyus Jones relied on more.

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The Jazz are a good team, but worse on both ends with Conley on the floor. Their dominant starting lineup also had an identity crisis that nearly curdled as the season went along. Joe Ingles, Royce O’Neale, and Conley were yanked in and out of it despite the fact that Utah was 21-8 when their new point guard either came off the bench or didn’t play at all.

Now, it might be that Conley is simply on his way out. He’s a small 32-year-old weighed down by years of nagging injuries. But assuming Gobert and Donovan Mitchell are both in Utah next season, that doesn’t mean Conley can’t find comfort in a reduced role, running a second unit, finding myriad ways to contribute off the ball while expending more energy on defense.

The Jazz are smart. Going forward they won’t expect him to be the borderline all-star floor general they thought they were getting. Reducing Conley’s responsibilities could lessen any pressure he felt coming in as a marquee trade acquisition, now in a contract year, scrapping for the last payday of his career. In 2021, Conley also won’t be unfamiliar with his surroundings. If he lowers his usage and ups his efficiency while Mitchell makes another leap towards superstardom, the Jazz can still be one of the most feared teams in the Western Conference. Their ceiling drops a bit, but at least they know exactly what they have.

Dejounte Murray

Sometimes I wonder where the Spurs would be if Murray didn’t tear his ACL during a preseason game in 2018. The timing was brutal, an aborted takeoff that accelerated San Antonio’s decline. Think about what could’ve been.

Muray’s scene-stealing defensive anticipation at the tender age of 21 was worthy of genuflection. The way he popped his head over jostling big men to grab rebounds was game altering. Murray didn’t shoot threes, but would instead add colorful dimensions to a proud yet creaky team that needed the 98 mile per hour fastball he was all set to provide.

Single-handedly extending the Spurs’ era of prosperity was unlikely, but healthy Murray could’ve at least slowed their inevitable crawl towards extinction while clarifying their future. After he missed the entire 2018-19 season, the Spurs signed him to a four-year, $64 million extension anyway. What followed was an underwhelming, inconsistent campaign in which Murray only averaged 25 minutes per game on a mediocre squad that was outright bad with him on the court. Gregg Popovich treated Murray like Danny Green. The gloss was gone.

Meanwhile, I still have two feet pressed on the gas of Murray’s bandwagon. Whether the Spurs finally hit the reset button or trudge along with DeMar DeRozan and LaMarcus Aldridge for another year, my life savings are bet on Murray establishing himself as one of the better young guards in basketball. His jump shot came around this season (47 percent from the mid-range!) and my gut tells me all the struggle he endured over the past 19 months will only turn him into a more dangerous force than he’d otherwise be.

Aaron Gordon

An all-tantalizing first-teamer for at least the last four years, no player in the entire NBA does less with more than Gordon. Some of that’s on him, but not all of it; Gordon has struggled to find the right role while refusing to accept what the right role looks like. I go back to 2016 when Frank Vogel mistakenly said Gordon would be used like Paul George. That Magic team had structural limitations that were beyond Vogel’s control, but the statement placed Gordon’s career on a path of self-willed miscalculation.

He will never be an MVP candidate, max player, or someone who can singularly break down a set defense and create an efficient shot for his team. That’s all fine and less a criticism than an expression of reality. Gordon is not a bad player by any stretch, but for the second year in a row his PER, three-point rate, and scoring average were lower than the previous season. He jacked up 3.9 threes per game and made just 30.1 percent of them.

This is discouraging. But until Gordon’s body breaks down I will go to war believing he’ll have a signature playoff moment, be it a chasedown block, a fire drill possession where he scrambles onto four different players before stealing the ball, or a Cirque du Soleil-worthy open floor slam that seals a victory.

We have yet to see who Gordon can be on a track that can actualize his massive potential. If basketball gods do in fact exist, sooner than later we will. (Related: Can someone move him to Brooklyn for Spencer Dinwiddie already?)

Gary Harris

When in peak form, few are able to harass the opposing team’s most lethal perimeter threat like Harris. He’s a cat burglar with the instincts of a strong safety. Unfortunately, for the past couple years several muscles in his lower body have prevented Harris from merging those qualities with some of the explosive offensive production we saw earlier in his career.

I went in depth on Harris’ situation earlier this year, but TL;DR: injuries can’t alone absolve how bad he’s shot the ball. A lot of his struggle remains a mystery. That’s not good news, per se, but it also doesn’t close the door on Harris rediscovering who he once was.

Eric Gordon

Playing with Russell Westbrook is not like playing with Chris Paul. Eric Gordon had a ton of success with the latter partnership, but we’ve yet to really see him at his healthiest beside Westbrook. That’s a shame. The tidal wave of instant, unflinching Moreyball offense those two could generate at the same time more than justifies the team’s small-ball identity, where narrow canals have become gaping waterways; Houston posted a +10.7 net rating in the measly 93 possessions those three plus PJ Tucker and James Harden shared the floor. In my heart I believe that unit can stand nose-to-nose with anybody in the league during crunch time of a Game 7.

Of course, for that to happen Gordon would have to be the aggressive stud he was during last year’s playoffs and not the guy who shot 37 percent from the floor, 31 percent from behind the three-point line, and 54 percent at the rim in 34 games this season. Gordon missed about six weeks of action after having knee surgery in early November, and before the procedure his numbers were career-worst gutter sludge across the board. But none of his shooting numbers increased in the months after he came back, while lingering knee pain kept him in and out of the lineup.

The hope going forward is that an extended layoff will do his legs good and allow him to be 100 percent next year. Gordon is somehow only 31 years old, on the same timeline as Harden and Westbrook with a game that somehow doesn’t suck up the oxygen both all-stars require. In September he signed a $75 million extension that simultaneously made him a trade chip and someone worth holding onto — if for no other reason than Houston has enough talent to win a championship right now and Gordon’s seamless fit on both ends isn’t easily replaceable.

We live in an age of impatience, but if the Rockets are willing to stick with their current roster for at least 12 more months it could pay off in a big way. That calculation needs Gordon to resemble the Sixth Man of the Year winner he once was. Or even, at the very least, making more than 28 percent of the 5.8 catch-and-shoot threes he averaged this season. Bet on improvement. He scored 50 points on 22 shots (against the Jazz!) in January, then was hampered by recurring knee pain the rest of the year.

There’s plenty of great basketball left in Gordon, and nothing scarier than the day he, Harden, and Westbrook have an opportunity to thrive at the exact same time.

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auburnfamilynews · 5 years

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Jim Brown-USA TODAY Sports

NO ALTERNATIVE Brown, reporting for duty.

As we continue our march to kickoff, we take a look at the top 100 recruits to sign with Auburn of all-time*. The rankings are based on 247’s composite recruit rankings, which unfortunately only date back to 2000.

THE RECRUIT

“Brown has the frame of a true defensive tackle, but he is athletic enough to play some strongside end on the next level too. Quick off the ball and gets consistent penetration. Has improved pad level, but can still play with better leverage in the trenches. Stopping the run is an area he’s become better at as a junior, but he is best at shooting the gaps, chasing the ball, and getting after the quarterback.” - 247 Sports

Derrick Brown was a beast of a man, even at 18. His recruiting page lists him as 6’3” and 317 lbs, which is just ridiculous to think that other 14-18 years should have to try and go toe-to-toe with him. In his junior and senior years at Lanier HS, a AAAAAA school in metro Atlanta, Brown averaged 8.6 tackles and 1.2 sacks per game, and in his senior year he threw in a rushing and receiving touchdown for good measure.

It’s not quite the same film as Mon Adams from earlier this week, where Mon looked like an adult playing against 10 year olds. Instead, Brown’s film just shows a black hole playing defensive tackle. Anything and anyone that gets near the line of scrimmage just disappears, as do quarterbacks who he towers over when he gets home on the pass rush.

Adams would go on to be a top 10 player nationally in the 2016 class, and the top player in the state of Georgia. Naturally, it was expected that he’d be a Bulldog - either with UGA or Mississippi State. Being an instate kid, especially in Gwinnett County, UGA usually gets first right of refusal. And Brown’s parents were both State alums. But Brown decided to spurn both Kirby and Mullen and chose the Tigers on National Signing Day, instead signing with your Auburn Tigers.

The man just made the biggest decision of his life up to that point and you can see on his face he’s just thinking about eating quarterbacks. That’s my kind of defensive tackle.

THE PLAYER

Derrick Brown was always going to see the field day one. The Tigers had two NFL talents in Adams and Dontavius Russell in 2016, but Brown showed the coaches he was ready to be a part of the rotation out of fall camp. He recovered a fumble against Clemson in week 1 and played in every game thereafter. He was also a star off the field, earning a nomination to the SEC Student-Athlete Leadership Council.

Brown broke out in a big way as a sophomore, replacing Adams on the line. Brown’s sophomore tape looks like his high school one, where running backs just disappear when the get near the line. Along with sack artist Jeff Holland, a steady Russell, and a second year starter in Marlon Davidson, the Auburn defensive line began to earn the national reputation it has today of being one of the best units in football. Brown had several big plays late in the season, including a forced fumble of Jalen Hurts in the first quarter of the Iron Bowl, and a blocked field goal against UCF in the Peach Bowl. My favorite #5 highlight from 2017, though, is this tackle against UCF.

If Brown had become one of the best lineman in the SEC in 2017, he made a national name for himself in 2018. The junior was a forced to be reckoned with. Adding an improved pass rush to his already phenomenal run stopping abilities, Brown improved from 3 sacks in 2017 to 4.5 in 2018, including this HUGE sack with two minutes left in the Texas A&M game. The sack and forced fumble (which A&M recovered) helped force the Aggies to punt the ball back to Auburn, and set up the game winning drive capped off by a Stidham/Williams touchdown.

That poor center never stood a chance against NO ALTERNATIVE Brown. Neither did Southern Miss QB Jack Abraham, who not only had to withstand getting sacked by Derrick Brown, but had to survive Derrick Brown superman diving over the running back at him.

Big men shouldn’t be able to fly like that.

Come the end of the 2018 season, Brown was poised to be a first round draft pick if he declared for the NFL Draft. But then... he didn’t.

Brown, along with his roommate and fellow NFL prospect Marlon Davidson, decided to come back to lead this defense in 2019. While Kevin Steele will be breaking in new linebackers, he won’t have to worry about a star-studded defensive line that has been called the best in the country going into this offseason.

Brown will also get to play this season with his younger brother, Kameron Brown. The younger Brown, a linebacker, also signed with Auburn this past offseason. I’m sure it’s not the reason Derrick came back, but it will be special for the entire Brown family if Derrick and Kameron get to see the field together for a few snaps at some point this year.

We’re less than 48 hours until we get to see what the former 5* has in store for us, and I can’t wait to see it.

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2019/8/29/20840013/2-days-to-kickoff-derrick-brown-auburn-tigers

#IFTTT #Blogger #auburn #auburn fast #wareagle #AuburnFamilyNews #war eagle #sec #football news #aubu

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noshik · 7 years

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Honestly can't wait for my parents to get bored of this stupid dog. All it does is bark. All. Day. Long. They refuse to house train it, refuse to walk it because Surprise! It's not leash trained, you can't even put a collar on him without getting bit. It's honestly gotten to the point my parents get mad at me for going into the kitchen because it sets the stupid thing off again. The literal honest to fucking god reason they got this piece of shit was because they wanted a cute dog and went with the first thing they saw. Not because of temperament. Not because it's a healthy breed. Because he was 'fiesty' and cute, and my mom wanted a dog she could carry around. I honestly don't know what's more moronic, the fact they got a Min pin jack Russell cross. Which I doubt he it because this fucker is huge, and a dilute when both parents were average colored. OR! The fact they expected this thing to be docile and quiet? It's lived all fucking four months of its life we've had it in one room. Because my dad doesn't want it on the good furniture. In no shape, way, or form should my parents EVER be pet owners. Ever.

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academicatheism · 8 years

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Adequately Dealing With the Ex-Atheist Claim

To make atheism appear false, believers like to claim that they were once atheists. The easiest route is to dismiss their claim as disingenuous. They’re only saying they were atheists to make either their opponent or the audience believe that atheism really doesn’t hold water. It’s a claim made to give people the false impression that atheism is a false conclusion based on incomplete information and evidence, emotional considerations, and/or sheer rebellion. Eventually one’s emotions settle with the idea that there’s a god and that he abhors thought-crime and sexual desire. We eventually realize that we can’t rebel against this god and that the evidence is absolutely stacked in favor of his existence. This is the route most atheist’s take; it’s a route that I’ve taken. It isn’t, however, the best route.

There are two very good routes to take and they definitely drive a stronger point. The first is that, as a follower of this blog and friend argued, we aren’t the same. You may have been an atheist, but your level of skepticism was inadequate to fulfill the task, which is to say that your skepticism didn’t reach far enough to address the matter in question. You didn’t weigh enough evidence and certainly not enough of the right kinds of evidence. Consider, for instance, the intellectual rigor that goes into simply understanding science. I can’t expect every atheist to adequately understand cosmology and various ways in which the evidence shows conclusively that an immaterial being did not create and could not have created the universe. I can’t expect every atheist to make the connection between cosmology and philosophy as it concerns matter and causation.

Saying that you’re a former atheist doesn’t simply imply that you were like me, but rather that you were just like me. Since late 2011, I’ve made multifarious sources available to atheists. One opponent, in a furious libel, labeled me a jack of all trades and an expert in nothing because I demonstrated a grasp of different lines of evidence in favor of atheism--scientific, philosophical, anthropological, historical, and so on. Apologists tacitly expose the need for atheists to be equipped in all these fields by making arguments that delve into a number of academic disciplines. In one opening argument, someone like William Lane Craig will demand for the atheist to be a philosopher (an ethicist more specifically), a cosmologist, and an ancient historian! The Moral Argument, the Kalam Cosmological Argument, and the Argument From the Resurrection will demand that an atheist have an adequate grasp of all these disciplines or risk losing the debate and make atheism appear false.

I’ve held strongly to my belief that an atheist must try their best to meet this expectation , so that the truth can be made clear. Believers are known to make a number of specious claims and ramble a bunch of arguments and they fully expect you to lack sufficient retort. I experienced that in my first year on Tumblr and realized that I had to become much more informed in a number of disciplines. Now the tables are permanently turned! Christians still make claims like “eyewitnesses wrote about Jesus,” but flee once they realize that I didn’t simply deal with the claim. I’ve dealt with arguments for the claim stemming from sources that I can name like Habermas and Bauckham. Unlike them, I also considered the counter-arguments.

Perhaps they were former atheists, but they clearly didn’t match the lengths I’ve gone to in order to find truth. They didn’t match the extent to which other atheists have gone to in order to find truth. They did much less and were convinced of something false if only because they didn’t come across the right information or don’t possess the ability to understand good evidence. Perhaps an atheist like me has a larger hippocampus and can therefore remember more facts and relate them in a way that’s germane to the matter in question. Some people simply have raw intellectual capacity and sure, that definitely doesn’t make them a superior person or a superior human being, but it puts them in a much better position to draw the right conclusion on a matter. When you add that most people can’t even spot or don’t even care when they’re committing a logical fallacy or when they’ve been hampered by a cognitive bias(es), matters are much more bleak. You might have certainly been an atheist, but you certainly weren’t like some of the atheists who remain such. It takes a lot to pursue a strict naturalism the likes of Sean Carroll’s or to build a system as philosophically consistent as Kai Nielsen’s. Identifying as an atheist doesn’t do all the work for you.

The other route an atheist can take is that of pointing out the fact that former atheists try to make atheism appear infantile. C.S. Lewis always mentioned lacking belief in his youth. That goes to show that they want to make people think that it’s a knee-jerk, emotional conclusion based on naiveté. Edward Feser does this as well. He even mentions how old he was, always placing his testimonies in his early teen years. Even in mentioning his “mature atheism,” he says he didn’t really get arguments for god because he was young and didn’t have the capacity to fully comprehend what was being argued (see here). Yet they’ll neglect to mention that people like Bertrand Russell and Quentin Smith remained atheists well passed middle-age. They were atheists right into and beyond retirement age and it can be safely assumed that they died lacking belief in god.

I agree that sometimes atheists are guilty of the above, but when argued correctly, the argument works better for us than it does for the believer. If we take the Freudian route and argue that belief in god is nothing more than the residual need for a parental figure, then calling belief infantile in this sense is completely in bounds. There’s nothing at all wrong with arguing that some people believe for precisely such a reason. Look at the average American Christian and you will see that they believe in a god that rewards them for good behavior and punishes them for bad behavior. This is analogous to the philosophy of a lot of American parents. Provide incentive for good behavior and reward it; disincentivize bad behavior and punish it. God is nothing more than a father figure for a lot of American Christians, so yes, according to Freud this is a most infantile way of leading your adult life.

What Christians do isn’t the same. They’re not drawing a clearcut analogy or citing psychologists. They’re appealing to what they think is common knowledge about teenagers. Teens are apathetic, belligerent, impulsive, and naive. They then want to equate atheism with these attitudes when, in fact, atheism isn’t a conclusion based on any of that. It might even be true that they were atheists for exactly those reasons, but if they believed themselves to be rebelling against god, then they weren’t atheists at all. If instead they rebelled against and defied their parents, then their nominal atheism was done out of spite rather than inquiry for truth and intellectual honesty.

Christians who claim to be former atheists might be telling the truth. We should always proceed with discretion because some, like Lee Strobel, might be lying through their teeth. It’s curious that he has no publications from his atheist days, but plenty from his Christian days; perhaps it’s because he could easily exploit the latter market but not the former. Others, like Feser, might be telling the truth, but their intention is dubious and malignant. Feser makes it absolutely clear that he wants to make all atheists look like puerile, belligerent, apathetic, angry people rather than like intellectually honest individuals investigating the question of god. Then there’s the simple fact that atheists don’t develop equally. Some atheists have raw intellectual capacities allowing them more tools to better investigate this question. Others simply never acquire an interest in the relevant subject matter and are therefore convinced by intellectual-sounding arguments that when scrutinized turn out to be false. Atheism is by no means a childish conclusion. Atheists and skeptics simply aren’t the same. And of course, believers could just be lying. Rather than take the latter route, exploring the former two routes might prove more fruitful.

#atheism #philosophy #christianity #apologetics #skepticism

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weecoins · 4 years

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One Armed Bandit

I'm a scumbag. Hell, I’m lots of different things. Nobody’s just one thing, you know? But one thing usually stands out over the rest, and that’s what you’re judged by. So I'm a scumbag- nice to meet you. Is there more to a scumbag than meet’s the eye? If you care enough to find out, keep reading.

I think the most amazing thing to come out of this whole mess is that I've become kind of an idiot savant. I can tell you the sum of any number multiplied by 3.455. 13 times 3.455 is 44.915. 197 times 3.455 is 680.635. Great, huh? What’s the significance of 3.455, you ask? That's the average weight, in grams, of a U. S. quarter. It’s amazing what a human mind, even one as feeble as my own, can accomplish when it’s driven by terror. But more about the quarters later.

So where was I? Oh yeah, the scumbag thing. Its not all my fault, you know.

Hey- maybe I sound like a pussy, whining about how unfair the world is. That’s fine. I'm just saying that it’s a lot easier to preach morality during good times. I've never had good times. Some of that is my fault, but a lot of shitty things happen in this world, and they have to happen to somebody. I'm just saying that I've been “somebody” for most of my life.

It started with the gambling. I suck at it. Even guys who don't suck lose more often than not (there are no bookies in bankruptcy court). I owed a lot of money to somebody. Not the mob- even they wouldn’t lend money to a scab like me. I had to go to an independent. A real creep. His name's Aviza, not that you can tell what a fucked up freak he is just by his name. Anyway, I owed him a lot of money. More money than I could make as a one-armed janitor. (Yes, I have only one arm. Makes the title of the story seem a little bit cleverer, doesn't it?) So I decided to steal it. What a revelation, huh?

The owner of the money was a crazy old bastard. A mister Russel Sorin. An old man with a Big house, secluded. A perfect set up. I knew a guy that did some maintenance work for him. He told me that the house had an elevator that went down to a private office, which was under the goddamn house. The original owner had had the room built as a bomb shelter, but the elevator was Mr. Sorin’s addition. He was half cripple with arthritis or something. My buddy took a ride with him down this elevator once. He said the room down there was mostly filled with mementos and shit- useless to the world except to help some numb old fart remember who the fuck he was.

There was one interesting thing down there however - a safe. He said the old man couldn't wait to tell him all about his precious safe. He said it was full quarters. Perhaps the largest private collection of quarters in the free world he said, as if some damn fool in China was hoarding an even bigger stash with the help of the communist party. Sorin made my buddy try to guess how many quarters were in the safe. (Of course my buddy would've had trouble guessing how many nuts there were floating around in his own grimy ball sack, but Sorin didn’t know that.) After a few uninspiring attempts at estimating, my buddy gave up.

There are almost 400,000 quarters in there, my dear boy.” Sorin told him proudly, as if my buddy gave a shit. “More than $100,000 dollars worth. Quite a little fortune, if you could carry it out of here, of course!”

This thought made Sorin burst out in laughter, my buddy said. His actual quote was: “The old bastard almost lost his falsies. I didn't see what was so funny, so I just started working. I had to buff a couple a stains off of the floor. The guy never stopped talking about the dammed quarters, even though I was running the buffer at full power and could hardly hear a god-dammed word.”

My buddy shook his head, laughing softly at the memory. I laughed softly too, amazed that he had any memories at all, after smoking my dope for the last ten years. But it was good that the old man was a feeb. It would make my job easier. I would go out there on a Saturday, after his household help was gone, with a delivery uniform or something as cover. Drive a van up, wheel out a hand jack to put the safe on, and ring the bell. Then I'd pull out my gun, and have the coot escort me to his elevator for a peek at his world famous quarter collection. A quick bop on the head for him, and $100,000 worth in quarters for me. I couldn't wait to see the look on Aviza’s face when I unloaded the safe at his door. The quarters wouldn't bother him- he knew people that would take them. Besides, it was more than three times what I owed him, so what the fuck. He'd probably laugh his ass off. As long as I got them there on time.

Aviza was a stickler on punctuality, you see. Unlike that old business maxim, a bad delivery (like a safe of quarters) would soon be forgotten. It was the late delivery that he never forgot. Or accepted. I had until Monday at 5:00 PM. And that definitely did NOT mean 5:01. So I didn't have time to screw around. No problem. I'm not the screw around type.

I showed up at the house around 9 in the morning in my buddy's van. It was fairly new, with a good paint job, and is passable as some second rate delivery company's wheels. I even had an old Federal Express uniform with the Logo torn off to complete the effect. (I never said I was a world-class thief, you know?) Anyway, the getup only had to fool him long enough to get him to open the door

Anyway, as it turns out, I could have shown up naked with a sign around my neck that had “I'm here to fuck your ass raw” written you on it. The guy still would have opened the door. My buddy was right. The coot was a couple innings short of a ballgame.

He opened the door and just stared at me without any expression before saying, “whatever it is you have, leave it in the hall.”

Then he turned and started to walk away. In the movies, that would have been my cue to grab him by the shoulder, ram the gun under his ear and say, listen, old man. Take me to the money, and don't try anything stupid or I'll blow your fucking head off. (If it was one of these new bullshit violence movies, I would have blown his head off anyway.)

In reality, I said, “Hey you come back here ,” fumbling with the gun, trying to get it out off my belt as I chased after the guy. He walked pretty fast for an old fart. When I reached him I had to poke him with the gun a couple times just to get his attention. He was pretty deaf, it seemed. I couldn't grab him AND hold the gun with my one arm, so I just poked him and waited for him to turn around. Finally, he did. I was about to tell him to take me downstairs, but he cut me off. It seems it finally dawned on him what was going on, and he seemed amused.

“Take whatever you want, you pathetic bastard”, he said as he looked at me blankly. “I don't carry money in the house, and I'm sick of looking at all the shit in here anyway. Just don't expect any help carrying it out- and try to do it quietly. I'm about to take a nap.”

He started to walk away again. "Hey, " I said, jumping forward and jabbing him with the gun again, "take me downstairs, asshole. I want the quarters!"

When the senile putz finally understood what I was saying, he got pissed, quick. My buddy was right. The guy didn't even blink when he realized I was robbin' him, but he flipped his lid when I mentioned his precious coin collection. Anyway, he wasn't pissed enough to argue with the barrel of a gun, but he had that look in his eye that let me know I should keep it pointed at him. Which I did. We walked through a huge room, the kind that rich people call a "sitting" room. We did not sit. In the middle of the far wall were the shiny metal doors of the elevator. I hit the call button, the doors opened, and we got in. I hit the down button, but nothing happened. "What the fuck?" I said. "Forget to pay the power bill, buddy?"

The old guy looked at me with disgust. A look I am quite familiar with. "It's locked,” he said dryly.

"Well unlock it, asshole." I replied.

So he punched a few numbers into the small keypad under the call button. I pressed it again. This time it lit up.

"3-3-0-0-3-2?” I asked, repeating the numbers he had punched. He nodded, again not hiding his disgust with me .

The doors shut, and he stood in front of the small control panel, still looking at me with the “old guy's death stare”.

"Going down?” he asked, dryly.

"Come on, let's go!” I said, a little more forcefully than necessary. He was getting on my nerves.

He hit the down button, and we slid silently into the basement.

When the elevator stopped, the doors didn't open.

"What the fuck?” I snapped.

"I have to enter the 'open' password." He said, still staring at me. He punched in the numbers. I should have watched him closer........

INTERMISSION:

We hope you’ve been enjoying “The One Armed Bandit” so far.

Ok, that’s a lie, or at least an exaggeration. I kinda don’t care what people think since I’m just finishing this to keep myself sane, and I think that’s maybe a lost cause. So stick around if you want, or don’t.

PLEASE NOTE: This story can’t be finished in the first person. I don’t want to talk in his voice anymore. He’s going crazy and I don’t want to be in there when he does; it hits too close to home.

So this story will be finished by a dispassionate, sane narrator. Here’s what you missed: Once they got in the room, the bandit saw that the safe was 2 ft x 2 ft, and about 4 ft high. There was a round little door on the top with a key hole. He made the old man give him the key & help him wheel the safe into the elevator. Then the old coot grabbed his chest and slid heavily to the floor. A heart attack. Not surprising considering his age, the stress of being robbed, and his life-long aversion to physical activity, but a convenient coincidence for this story nonetheless.

One Armed Bandit, cont’d.

The one armed bandit processed the old man’s heart attack pretty quickly and moved on. He had other, more pressing problems of his own than to worry about some old quarter-collecting freak’s coronary problems. Like what would happen to him if he didn’t get these damn quarters to Aviza on time.

He entered 3-3-0-0-3-2 into the keypad and the doors slid shut. He pressed the UP button. Nothing happened. He pressed it again. He stabbed it rapidly, again and again. Exasperated, he hit the ‘Open Door’ button. Nothing happened. “What the fuck!”, he growled.

He glanced up at the status screen. The words MAXIMUM WEIGHT CAPACITY EXCEEDED by 4000 lb. glowed in a pale green lcd.

He stared at the screen intently as his mind tried to understand the scope of this statement. The elevator would not go up. The door would not open. No one knew where he was, and……….

He cut off that last thought just in time to compose himself. He was spooked that was all. Christ, with the past two days he'd had, who wouldn't be? And the old man- what a fuck up that had been. Everything had gotten out of hand real fast.

No problem, he just had to think. He had to get these doors to open, so he could roll the safe out. Then he'd take the money out of the safe, and carry it up in bags. No problem. Except that the doors weren't open. And he had no fucking idea how to open them. He hadn't asked the old bastard for the security code for the bottom door- he didn't think he'd need it. He tried the code for the upstairs door again. No good. He tried the number backwards. No good. He tried adding 1 to the number, then subtracting 1, then he punched the wall below the screen which blinked “invalid code” in snide, italicized letters.

Relax, he hissed through clenched teeth. He looked at the keypad. The security code had room for up to 10 digits. That meant 100,000,000 possible combos. All thoughts of relaxing slid out of him unnoticed.

Maybe I can force them open, I he thought, looking for something to stick between the doors to pry them with. At last, luck was with him. He still had the bar he used to lift the end o the safe. He stuck the end of it between the small space between the doors, and pushed it with all of his adrenaline-induced might. Nothing. He tried the other way, pulling the bar toward him, straining and groaning with the effort. He felt something start to give, but it was his back. He wasn't in very good shape. He pulled the bar out of the doors and smashed it against the crack in frustration. He sat down on the cold floor to think. He got another idea.

By standing on the safe, he could reach the latch on the ceiling escape hatch. The panel slid across, and stuck his head through the hole. He looked straight up the shaft and saw the light coming in through the open second floor door. It was only about 15 feet up, but it may as well have been 1500 for all the good it did him. The only way to reach it would be to shimmy up the elevator cable, and though he may have been able to climb it with two arms, (he wouldn't have bet on it) there was no way he would make it with one.

He climbed down from the safe and stood staring at the door. Only 2 ways out, and I cannot use either of them, he thought. My boy, you might be fucked here. You just might be fucked.

He pressed the up button again, absently, and watched the Maximum weight exceeded message flash on, shine briefly, then disappear. In his mind, he was trying to estimate the weight of a single quarter. If his guess was good, those quarters might just help unfuck him. He dug his hand deep into the hole in the top of the safe, and pulled out a shimmering mass of coins. He spilled them onto the safe top, and took one from the pile. He stood in front of the doors still pried open a crack from his crowbar, and pushed the quarter through the slot. He listened intently, hearing the coin clink solidly on the floor of the empty room beyond his unlikely prison. He liked that sound. It reminded him of the way coins clinked out of the machines in Foxwoods after a big hit. With any luck, he might be there in person by tomorrow night. A little luck and a lot of hard work, that is. He slid the safe over to the doors, to the right of the thin crack between them. This allowed him easy accesses to both coins and the slot. He picked up another quarter, turned it sideways between his thumb and forefinger, and slid it deliberately through the slot. Heard it clink and roll on the floor. Picked up another coin, slid it through. Clink, roll. Another coin, slide, clink.

Seven hours later, he felt his hand twinge, then cramp violently. The pain dragged him out of the hypnotic daze he had been in as he fed the crack a seemingly endless stream of quarters. Not really endless, though. He had pushed 5000 quarters through the slot. By his guess, it would take another 32,000 before he could leave. He had done some calculating during the one ten minute break that he had allowed himself during the last five hours. His hand-held coke scale told him that a quarter weighted about .2 ounces. 5 quarters per ounce. 80 quarters per pound. That meant he would have to get rid of XXXXXX quarters to lower the weight in the elevator by the 4000 lbs needed to get it moving. Using his watch, he found he was averaging about 50 quarters per minute, meaning about 3000 per hour. That meant a mere 25 hours of menial work, stuffing coins in the slot as fast as he could. Boring work, sure, but he had done worse, and for less money. Christ he was making $750 an hour when you got right down to it. 25 hours. Just a couple of 12-hour shifts wrapped around 6 or 7 hours sleep and he would be free. Exhausted, brain-dead, thirsty as hell and smelling like an onion pizza, but free.

There was really only one problem. Aviza. If he was like a factory worker, Aviza was the production supervisor. He had a deadline, and if he didn't meet it, Aviza would shit-can him. Permanently. And the only unemployment benefit he could look forward to would be a quick death, and he couldn't really even count on that.

It was 12:12 am Sunday morning. Aviza would be looking for him at 5:00 Monday night, and all the quarters in the world wouldn't save him then. Aviza wasn't a collector, he was a killer. 5:00 PM Monday. Nice to see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya.

So he only had 29 hours to dump out 32000 more quarters, get the fuck out of the elevator, load the coins and get to Aviza’s. As he was calculating the drive time, his racing mind suddenly flew out of control and smashed right into the guardrail, exploding in flames of horror. Bile seared his throat noxiously.

“The quarters...” He whispered. “How the fuck am I going to get the quarters?!”

He had been so intent on getting the elevator to go up that he never stopped to think that he was putting his money away in an impenetrable safe, effectively sealing his fate. A good writer would take your hand and walk you down the dark hallway of his horror and eventual madness, but that’s not me. I’m just a scumbag.

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daveandtrev · 5 years

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How the heckfire did we get here? A journey into the 2019 Andre Johnson Sweepstakes League

To my collegiate brood who has become like family, to my partners in weekend rendezvous, to my loyal participants in chatting about all things sports – this article is a labor of love for you. Every year I get coerced into preparing another one of these but this year not a single inquiry. Perhaps the luster of this treatise has worn off, or perhaps we assumed it was inevitable – Dave would eventually wander his way into his cold, dark fantasy football laboratory and emerge with a new concoction of thoughts on the AJSL that he would be eager to spill in a few thousand words. If the last assumption was yours, well then you know your commissioner well. And in the end, this piece. My hope remains to both educate and entertain.

To let you into the mind of your commissioner, I view each season as a journey that bears a resemblance to all journeys. Hopeful sojourners equipped with all that they can carry in hopes of future glory. Along the way, pitfalls and roadblocks (injuries, underperformance) threaten the journey’s success and oftentimes we require a bit of help from unforeseen resources (waiver claims, trades). After many weeks, the landscape seems foggier – where again did we start? Where has the journey detoured from expectation, both in triumph and in defeat? Therein lies the premise of this endeavor: to grasp, understand, and wrestle through in order to get our heads around each season’s “happenings”. We know we will encounter humility and perseverance (by this point all of our best laid plans have been altered). I’m sure we will find a stroke of genius or two to keep our spirits high. And you can count on biased interpretation from a guy whose authority is summed up by “I spend a lot of time thinking about this”. Thrilling. With that, come and explore the highlands and the low country with me. Let’s open together the tome of the 11th edition of the Andre Johnson Sweepstakes League.

With the stage set, allow me to redirect you towards the stats, candid thoughts, definitive (hindsight) analysis and forward looking predictions that can only come from yours truly. Please react accordingly with nods and smiles. Lets take a look at my post-draft thoughts for context on where we thought this year would be headed from the journey’s inception. (Or at least close to inception – with our late draft, I formed the basis of these thoughts after week 1. So I did have a single data point to go by).

Tier I - The Julio Jones tier

As its namesake implies, I projected the teams in this tier to consistently perform above average while also maintaining “Joe Flacco in the playoffs” elite upside on any given week. As you can see, this does not include my own team. You know what that means -> “If you don’t like your own draft…”

Cristian

Phil

Tier II - The Matt Stafford tier

The talent is there. The ability is never in question. And most of the time, the job gets done. Are you excited about Stafford, either as a Lions fan or a fantasy owner? Sort of? I expect a decent performance with ups and downs along the way when im cheering on Stafford. And he’s the perfect description of my expectations for this tier. Above average in spurts, but right around average in the long run.

Soape

Trevor

Grundy

Dave

Tier III - The Peyton Hillis and Trent Richardson memorial tier

Before you dismiss the tier names and remember the downfall of these careers, first remember that both had studly seasons as members of the Browns. Hillis finished as the RB2 in 2010, Richardson as the RB8 in 2012. Its just that neither could find consistency over their careers and ultimately sputtered out without tasting prolonged glory. That’s the fear with these teams. We know any team can pop off for 150+ points, but can these teams hit 120 consistently? I have my concerns.

Scooter

Jack

Swave

Jason

And really, when we go back to careers like Trent and Peyton’s and remember that it was indeed the Browns that squandered such promise, let’s remember the wisdom that our tallest leaguemate passed out like a life preserver on draft night: The Browns, the Factory of Sadness themselves, will surely, inevitably, Browns. (Jason -> You may consider asking for this shirt for Christmas. I want to make sure you are clear on this during the next year’s draft.)

Let’s dig into the strengths for each team on draft day:

Tier I - The Julio Jones tier

Tier 3 RB’s

When you see Phil Stark make the championship, you go after the guys that got him there. Cristian pounced on 2018 stalwarts Davante Adams and DeAndre Hopkins, keeping them tied together for consecutive years. The next idea was to pack a bunch of mid tier RBs onto the squad and hope that one or two would differentiate. Or maybe better stated, the plan was hoping Chris Carson would fall in price as a result of never nominating him. In the meantime, he would purchase 3 contingency plans. Cristian wisely used the mid-draft break to gather his thoughts and recognize his hole at RB, determining to have at least two of Carson, Jacobs, Michel and Freeman. He bagged all 4, culminating in Carson for $18 late in the proceedings. This was a strategy that I suggested to Monica last year, resulting in a backfield of Jamaal Williams, Jay Ajayi, Alex Collins, and Lamar Miller. That turned out poorly, but I think the method has some merit and I was intrigued to watch this experiment get its second trial.

As for insurance on his receiving studs, Will Fuller and Dede Westbrook were two of my favorites. Nick Foles is known to love targeting slot receivers and Fuller is practically automatic when healthy with DeShaun. Even his backup (to the backups) at RB (Devin Singletary) seemed to be the starter on a run-first team when LeSean McCoy was released, further insulating the running back fortification that had been built up. Depth was not going to be an issue at RB or WR.

Moving on, TE was going to be a challenge, though Cristian had snagged Mark Andrews after week 1 and I figured he would plug the gap if Vance McDonald couldn’t. (As we know now, he could’t).

Probably the biggest change between draft night and my thoughts after Week 1 occurred with Cristian’s quarterbacks. Sitting next to him on draft night, I know he believed he overpaid for his QBs when Lamar and Kyler started going for less than Dak and Brady. As we flipped to Week 1, we saw that the rumors of Kellen Moore’s influence were manifesting almost instantly and that Brady was about to import Antonio Brown for week 2. Unreal. The two unexpected studs at QB catapulted my prediction for this team all the way to the top.

The Michael Scarns

America’s favorite boss is commemorated every year in the AJSL and typically gets a draft day listing towards the bottom as my flesh and blood juxtaposes right brain creativity with my left brained desire for structure. Not the case this year – Phil’s team was an early favorite of mine.

Grabbing onto a top-2 RB is a great way to set up your team’s upside. Then grabbing Melvin Gordon’s potential fill-in looked like a great step 2, especially after a Week 1 where Ekeler ceded hardly any work to Justin Jackson. (We weren’t certain what that split would be on draft night). Marlon Mack had limitations (doesn’t catch passes, maybe needs Andrew Luck to keep the offense on schedule?), but $5 was an easy price to pay to find out more. And I liked Guice as a great late round candidate – he’s a talent-heavy back who was ticketed for primary work.

I saw upside coming out in spades with the QB choices – apparently only Phil was paying attention last year when Josh Allen was the QB2 from week 12 onward. $1 to see if he could run it back? Wow. (And yes, I snagged Jameis for $2 myself, brain fart for punting on Allen’s rushing upside). Kyler Murray is someone I liked a lot for his role in captaining Kliff’s new offense and his rushing ability that we had all heard about. This pair cost $6. Would you be surprised to see this duo combine for 80 points during a week? Tremendous Upside Potential.

The receiving room of Evans, Diggs and Cooper boasted plenty of star power and the aforementioned Kellen Moore effect made Cooper look even better after his week 1. The Vikes commitment to ground and pound had me concerned about Diggs volume (not his talent), and he was my pick to share the flex spot with Mack. Picking up John Brown late seemed like a great complement to sling-it-deep Josh Allen’s tendencies and I liked him to spot start during good matchups. I haven’t even mentioned former Antonio Gates caddie Hunter Henry playing with known tight end lover Phil Rivers. Even with his injury in Week 1, Phil’s early pickup of TJ Hockenson figured to fill that gap and potentially give Phil a dilemma when Henry returned.

Tier II - The Matt Stafford tier

Goffam City

With our team moving from 12 to 10 teams this year, we essentially added 28 players back into the player pool (16 rosterable players – D/K = 14 players * 2 teams). This boosts the floor of all teams to where there are so few holes on rosters. In this scenario, grabbing studs is even more important as they are the rare differentiators. I really like grabbing as many as you can on draft night and Joel did his best work here, nabbing Julio, James Conner, and Alvin Kamara (all while contemplatively swirling his whiskey). You really need to hit on your surrounding talent when you go for the studs-n-scrubs approach, and I thought Sammy Watkins and Duke Johnson were affordable pieces who could develop into plus starters as the season went on. Dante Pettis had the potential of a rising sophomore who was being treated strangely in camp (not running with the 1s in preseason games) but had the tools and pedigree (2nd round pick) to succeed here too.

Trey Burton wasn’t on my radar, but Jared Cook figured to be a new toy for Drew Brees. I liked having both options available. Quarterback projected to be solid if not spectacular with Goff and Russell, and I liked their affordability overall ($9 combined). Russell’s Seahawks were expected to be run heavy which would supposedly cap his upside. But as Joel (smartly) gathered, Russell Wilson is very good. At a $3 price tag, the rest of the league didn’t want to find out if Russ could overcome his circumstances (and we know how that turned out.)

Overall, I figured a few of these role players would pop to support the studs and position this team right behind the elite.

That’s My QB

Coming in costume on a mission to re-establish the formula of previous glory, Trevor handled sticker duty while deftly selecting top tier passing game options. Unsurprisingly, Trevor landed Keenan Allen at the top of his draft board, selecting the Chargers receiver for the 4th straight year. He also snapped the author’s own streak of AJ Green selections at three years by nabbing the injured Bengal for $15. The question was “How much would he cost?” for Trevor regarding Travis Kelce – the end result was never in doubt. Previous tight end connoisseur Monica was not present to make Trevor sweat, but her parting instruction on my leaving for draft day was stated clearly. “Make him pay up”. I feel like $38 was enough to do her proud. Godwin, Edelman, and Woods were added to create a super stable of receivers while also creating a likely mid season trade with a running back heavy team. (This is Trevor’s team, so readers will understand that I liked all of these players. #MandateForever).

Trevor treated running back like Cristian did if Cristian spent $10 less on everyone. The only luxury was Tevin Coleman (who wrecked his ankle after week 1). James White at $8 was my favorite selection – we know he’s got a solid 10 point floor and can add more if the other New England backs go down. Miles Sanders intrigued me as well – if Philly were to move away from their RBBC, Sanders would be the likely beneficiary.

Finishing up at QB, Lamar Jackson at $6 was good value on draft day and Week 1 showed us his upside immediately (and that Baltimore was going to be able to throw, which was still a guess on draft day). QBs who run have upside, period. Lamar runs a lot. Personally I always get a little queasy on guys like that holding up (I’ve been burned by RG3 and Kaepernick before) but $6 is so little risk, especially with guaranteed QBs on waivers.

Overall, this team was a running back away from jumping up to the next tier.

Coach Davis All Stars

Taking a page out of Phil Stark’s book in continuing to honor a beloved icon with his team name (as you can see, Phil Stark = trendsetter), the 5th iteration of the Coach Davis All-Stars hoped to finally launch Grundy into Diamond status on Yahoo and land him his first AJSL championship (Lord knows he’s due). With his whiskey in one hand, Grundy went toe to toe with the aforementioned Phil Stark to battle for the rights to Odell Beckham, culminating in an intimate staring-while-bidding contest. While the rest of us shifted uncomfortably in our seats, Grundy secured his man for $50, holding a different view from Cristian on what the Browns were about to do this year (cue Raybon). Following that bet was what I ended up pining over post-draft: the Dave Johnson/Dalvin Cook combination at running back. Punch drunk from a 5 hour adrenaline rush, I stumbled to the draft board knowing that this combo was going to absolutely work over the league. I envied silently and then shared my plight with a few passer bys, realizing once more why Grundy has the win percentage that he does. Great picks, friend.

How does this team land in this tier after my man crush on the running backs? Welp, I had reservations on Tyler Lockett (Russell may not throw much and Lockett wasn’t always emphasized last year even when Baldwin went down – his stats were good but he survived on deep balls and caught almost all of them. We know that doesn’t typically repeat in subsequent years.) While I liked Engram fine, I wondered who else would step up in the flex? MVS had talent but uncertain opportunity. I was 100% done with Donte Moncrief when he couldn’t perform with Andrew Luck (I bid $22 in 2016 for his services, still salty). Everyone else was a $1 flier. The flex can be an easy hole to fill if you nab a waiver pickup, but it’s a holeI downgrade for in post draft rankings (this essentially also means your depth is lacking).

With Rodgers a stud but Ryan a question mark for me (look at his previous years, dude finished QB15 in 2017 and QB18 in 2015. Not convinced he would be more than average despite spike years finishing QB2 in 2016 and 2018), I placed this team in the middle of the pack, content to wait for answers in my areas of concern. (Those running backs are still beautiful though, especially this guy).

WinningStreakToSAGA

Welp, here’s my draft day assessment. Dave, congrats - You aren’t in the Browns tier. But let me tell you, there’s going to be a hill to climb. At least we came up with a team name by week 4. Oh yeah, we threw a kick ass draft party too. Chin up, pal.

I came into this draft wanting to go heavy running back and was delighted to find my old friend Zeke Elliot available for a discount (had him going for $50+) with his contract situation in the air. Things sort of got hazy when I ended up with Melvin Gordon (thought he was worth $20 and grabbed him for $13) and then decided to run it back with Pat Mahomes. (Some had questions here – I think the elite QBs become worth the expenditure at some point and Pat Mahomes was the surest elite QB we’ve seen in a while. He ended up going for $30 which comes out to player #24 overall or a 3rd round pick in traditional snake draft. That’s where he was going in a 1 QB league, and we start 2….Really though, I was wearing his jersey and the allure of prior glory could not be overcome in the heat of the moment.)

I then made my big gamble on Juju, and as I’ve shared on the group text, this was prompted by that one article you read a day before the draft that comes back to mind as a player is being bid. I’ve done plenty of second guessing here, but my biggest lesson (as seems to always pop up) is to go over your plan before the draft. Read it and read it again. Know where you can take risks, and know where you want to attack. During the draft, there’s too much stimuli to reliably adjust on the fly.

Hilton was a calculated risk (we know his talent is good), Fournette was a calculated risk (we know his opportunity will be good), OJ Howard was on purpose and I perceived low risk. DJ Moore was a steal in my opinion as he was coming on last year with Cam. I was fine with Jameis, but was a bit sad I didn’t pick up a running QB with prices as low as they were.

Overall, tons of risks (Zeke, Gordon, Hilton, Fournette) and not enough real substance to bank on. I felt like I had undervalued assets, but I needed most of them to pan out to be successful. If not, disaster loomed.

Tier III - The Peyton Hillis and Trent Richardson memorial tier

Bob Kraft’s Day Spa

Scooter advertises his friendship with Bob Kraft in promoting his leisure activities, remembering the good ol’ days of R&R with Robert by his side. Classy.

Lets start with what we like. I liked the aggressive nature at QB and both of these guys fit as upside plays – Wentz has been reliable when healthy and was importing known QB-elevator DeSean Jackson. DeShaun had been suggested by some (including my beloved Evan Silva) as the overall QB1 over even Mahomes, citing his rushing upside and return of weapons . I like going QB heavy in the right situations when the league has decided that they aren’t as valuable. (As my Pat Mahomes pick suggests). George Kittle was a stud last year and figured to carry that over with the 49ers failing to establish a #1 WR in training camp. I viewed him as a differentiator at TE.

Antonio Brown highlighted the skill players (he was only in the middle of his diabolical plan to exit Oakland at this point) which was potentially a nice get but had its own question marks (new team, QB who typically throws short, weird preseason injuries/behavior). Kupp, Alshon, and Boyd were all fine but didn’t move the needle for me. Same with the Kerryon/Dame Williams combo at RB. And same with the depth (Fitzgerald/Marvin/LeSean/Lindsey). I didn’t see many holes on this team but I wasn’t sure where the upside was coming from. Kerryon was the best bet to smash followed by LeSean (great grab for $1) in my opinion.

Overall, the lack of high end skill players was my biggest concern for this team.

Da Bear Necessities

Jack Holmer went straight back to my childhood in the early 90s with his recollection of a Jungle Book classic, celebrating the simplicity of living as a predator in a tropical forest. “The Bear Necessities will come to you”. Words to live by, my friend.

Mike Thomas and Le’Veon Bell were the headliners of this draft class, and while Thomas’s domination is without question (never finished below WR10 on a per-game basis in his career), Le’Veon’s new situation was a bit murky (Would he get touches like he did in Pit? Would his O-line and QB help him like they did in Pit? RBs generally transition to new teams easier than WRs, but the Pit situation is unique for RB production) Assuming Le’Veon could pass those tests, the remaining core of Kenny Golladay, Mark Ingram and Joe Mixon gave this team firepower from every angle. Even better for Kenny G when we found out Matt Stafford intended on throwing the ball deep after Week 1. Ingram’s Ravens looked like world beaters themselves and showed that RBs attached to running QBs always have a place at the top of fantasy scoreboards. Mixon’s role also had potential growth under new coach Zac Taylor who was intending on implementing Rams concepts in Cincinnati.

Gallup was another who looked like a steal after Week 1 and I definitely liked the potential of Christian Kirk in that 4-wide AZ offense. Dave Montgomery was a luxury that could be waited on to contribute and Sutton and waiver pickup McLaurin also showed early promise. The skill positions looked above average right from the get go here.

Unfortunately for me, that’s where my optimism ceased. Darnold and Trubisky weren’t getting it done for me, and neither was perennial borderline-starter Austin Hooper. This team was the inverse of Scooter’s (who was strong at QB and TE) and I felt deserved to be ranked at the same level. Upside was probably easier to see here, but the holes were also more glaring.

Daniel and the Shew

This name would have made zero sense on draft day – more appropriately this team could have taken on Benjamin Feels the Brees as its moniker (though Yahoo’s character limit would have probably stopped the idea cold). Big Ben and Drew Brees gave Swave the oldest combination of quarterbacks and with both known for their home game prowess (and road struggles), they figured to mix in spiked weeks with untimely duds. Over the long haul, I expected average production with an acknowledgement of week winning upside under the right conditions.

CMC was the big haul and I loved Swave’s guts to go big here, spending a league high $59. No sense in leaving money on the table – and we know from Swave’s history that he likes to accumulate depth late in the draft. This was a pristine move for someone who likes to stock his bench – make sure you have at least one warhorse to supplement your depth. Well done here.

Flanking CMC was Aaron Jones and Adam Thielen, both with question marks (will Aaron Jones be a bellcow and will Minnesota ever pass?) but are clear top end talents when utilized well. I liked Cooks as a consistent play and didn’t mind the Josh Gordon/Calvin Ridley combo to fill the flex. I guessed he wouldn’t find many holes in his receiver unit, though I did wonder how much top end production we would see.

Derrick Henry rounded out the RB room and although I’m not crazy about his lack of pass catching, I liked his price ($7) as Swave could count any contribution from Henry as a bonus (and we know that Henry can go off). Lets all do ourselves a favor and watch the best run of 2018 unfold once more, this time with additional commentary. (Seriously, required watching).

Njoku and Ebron were going to duke out the TE position, and frankly, that’s a formula for a $20 tight end claim come week 1.

Overall, this team was CMC + a bunch of promising parts. I will say this about Swave’s previous teams – he typically is able to mine a gemstone out of his depth by the time the season ends. I believed that this would need to happen once again in order for his path to victory to truly open up this season.

WeAllRammedIntoDaPit

You knew this one was coming. But let’s keep on this roll and reminisce a bit more. After living in Indiana for 3 years, the existence of Pawnee is not a stretch for the imagination (testify, Trevor).

As with other teams taking on the moniker of unfortunate events, winning fantasy weeks can be a bit more of a challenge than initially forseen. (Ex: defeatedseason #G1, 5-9 final record. Duck Attack, 2-12. The Schiano Stink, 6-8. CelektnNameErtzMyHed, 4-10. Of course we had the declining HurricaneScooter that ended up as a rainshower (lost first 11 games) before regaining its strength with three late season wins. I can find one positive outcome – the Butt Fumbles of 2013 went 11-3 and made the championship game.) Hence, I needed to see overwhelming evidence of burgeoning breakout players in order to feel confident in predicting season-end success.

We learned a valuable lesson on draft weekend: The Pit, even when its presence is known, will still rise up and take its prey the moment you let your guard down. Tyreek Hill, established stud of Jason’s squad playing for the high-flying Chiefs, succumbed to the Pit of Misery, breaking his collarbone during week 1 and setting up an extended absence that really left this team shorthanded. After Tyreek, I had a hard time envisioning upside. Gurley had a chronic knee issue, Chubb was a 2 down back in 2018 rumored but not assured of gaining passing down work, Zach Ertz faced stiffer competition for targets with DeSean coming to town, Allen Robinson played for a Bears team that’s known for spreading targets around, Jarvis Landry had incoming target competition from OBJ, Desean Jackson was changing teams, Jordan Howard had busted before and Kenyan Drake had never been a featured back. Now to be fair, many of these players had paths to upside and consistency but I had questions about most.

My favorite picks were Cam Newton, who continues to create rushing-based upside, and Curtis Samuel who I liked to take a step forward this year as one of Cam’s two primary targets along with DJ Moore. Baker didn’t run much last year so his upside was tied to his offensive scheme and his pass catchers. I figured he’d be about average with a path to a strong season if the OBJ connection took off.

Overall, I felt like this team really needed to hit on quite a bit of its 50/50 players and get a speedy recovery from Tyreek in order to emerge alive from the pit.

Now that we are sufficiently anchored – where have the last 8 weeks taken us? Well for starters, the Bills are in prime wildcard position and the 4-12 Niners of 2018 are undefeated. The ship named “What we thought we knew” has been rocked. The remaining fallout is a muddied combination of 1) exactly what we expected and 2) typical unforeseen NFL chicanery. Of course this has trickled down to our fantasy scoring - look at this TE scoring list. Half of the top 10 were undrafted! And look who’s on top!

Lets get a handle on what each AJSL team is likely thinking going forward. (All ppg figures reference ppg while starting that player)

I like my odds of getting to the dance

The Michael Scarns: 140 ppg – Currently in the driver’s seat with 7 wins, The Scarns rode an unbelievable start by Austin Ekeler and a scintillating trio at the WR position (ranking #2 in the league for points at the WR1, WR2, and Flex postions) to pole position. Oh yeah, those ranks include only 2 weeks of recently-acquired Julio Jones. Gees. I expect both of the running quarterbacks (Kyler and Josh Allen) to have a few more spiked weeks and the return of Hunter Henry to boost this team’s floor even higher (currently ranked 8th in TE scoring). This is clearly the team to beat.

Coach Davis All-Stars: 144 ppg – Grundy leads the league in expected wins – weeks scoring above 130 – at 6 (I explain this a bit more below). Best case scenario Dalvin Cook has emerged as the consensus RB2 overall, averaging 22.3 ppg with 6 of 8 games over 20 points. The bedrock of Coach Davis’s finest is supported by a consistent QB duo (Rodgers and Ryan have Grundy pulling down the 2nd most combined QB points at 42.4 ppg), Dave Johnson (hoping he gets healthy again – Grundy is #2 in RB1 points) and Even Engram (11.3 ppg). The Browns have been a mess for OBJ (10.7 ppg – essentially turning him into a flex play) – if that gets straightened out, the Scarns may find themselves with competition.

I have the tiebreaker locked up, but I am terrified that I may not win enough games

Tier 3 RBs Patriots Defense: 140 ppg – Cristian finally got the team name right. The biggest defensive storyline in my memory has been impossible to compete with. The Scarns are 2nd in the league in defensive scoring at 9.6 ppg. Cristian is 1st in league scoring at 20.4, including 23.3 ppg with the Pats D (Cristian scored 0 defensive points in week 1!). Incredible – the Pats D has performed like a #1 defense plus a flex player (Flex average is 10.6 points across all teams). Unfathomable. Maddening to Jack, Grundy and myself who were outbid for their services in week 2. Elsewhere, the QB combo is solidly above average (ranking 3rd in QB1 and QB2 scoring) and Hopkins/Adams haven’t played close to their potential, signaling additional upside. RB2 has to get better (9th in scoring), though figuring out who to play between Sony Michel, Devonta Freeman and Devin Singletary has been an adventure thus far. This will start to improve and with the 2nd most points secured, Cristian really just needs the schedule to participate in order to secure a playoff berth.

2019’s guy getting screwed by the schedule

That’s my QB: 134 ppg – Ive estimated each team to have “earned” a win by scoring 130 points (typically this is 120, but the 10 team format seems to have inflated that number). That’s my QB has faced a team scoring 129 or more each of the first seven weeks until mercifully drawing Soape’s surrender squad in Week 8. Nobody else is even close to this mark - Cristian leads the rest of the league with five opponents putting up that many points, but everyone else is at 4 or less. So not only has Trevor seen plenty of points scored against his team, but its been a steady onslaught. The guy has put up 5 performances worthy of a victory himself (2nd only to Grundy, tied with Cristian) and has only won 3. Yeah. Here’s to friendlier shores, my friend.

Team wise, Lamar Jackson is insane at 25.8 ppg, QB1 overall. Mahomes finished at 27.1 last year (if my memory serves me), this is getting close to that level. Trevor leads the league in flex scoring (thanks, Edelman) and is 2nd at TE. The kicker is the kicker – Trevor sits in 10th here as well as RB2, the land of James White and Miles Sanders. That will likely putter on for a bit more, a chink in the armor that Trevor hopes will be overcome by Kennan Allen’s return to form and/or Travis Kelce starting to experience touchdown regression (currently only scored twice).

I know my team isn’t bad. I’m not sure if my team is actually good.

WinningStreaktoSAGA: 127 ppg – Still don’t like handicapping myself in these papers, but this is certainly the appropriate category. The strength of the team is RB (Zeke and Fournette help me rank 3rd at RB1 and RB2 scoring.) That’s really it – Pat Mahomes played 3 games with his head on fire (28.9 ppg) before succumbing to an ankle injury and eventually a kneecap dislocation (15.9 ppg during that stretch). Fameis is fine when I trust him (18.5 ppg) but like so many of us, I have bailed during his breakout games. OJ Howard was a disaster (and truly one of my most confident draft choices), though Darren Waller should alleviate that position going forward. The biggest issue has been the Flex where I rank dead last at 7.3ppg. By sheer regression you would think this would start to move upward. The team needs more firepower from somewhere other than RB to make noise, but where will it come from? A bunch of question marks among traditionally strong performers (Mahomes, Hilton, Juju, Melvin Gordon) leave this team relying on breaks/hot streaks/good luck in hoping for an extended season.

Daniel and the Shew: 125 ppg – CMC and Aaron Jones, good Lord! The only thing keeping Swave from sweeping #1 ranks in RB1 and RB2 are missing Aaron Jones breakout games (missed a 23 and 41 pt game) for the allure of Derrick Henry (be strong Swave!) As is, CMC’s otherworldly 27.0 ppg has Swave pacing RB1 scoring and the Jones/Henry combo sits in 4th for RB2. Justin Tucker has proven to be worth the $2 (I think?) by leading Swave to #1 in kicker scoring. The problem has been QB, (Daniel Jones sucked for 4 games with 11.4 ppg), TE (6.5 ppg aggregate with TJ Hockenson still not finding his week 1 stroke) and WR2 (Brandin Cooks 7.2 ppg in a broken Rams passing game). DJ Chark should help cover Cooks and Brees return allows Minshew (respectable 17.7 ppg) to cover Jones’s old spot. Never say never to a team with the best player in the league – especially a team who has already banked 5 wins thus far.

Da Bear Necessities: 120 ppg – Mitchell Trubisky is the excess weight on a sinking ship. I admire Jack’s loyalty, he’s a fan’s fanatic. But I think we’ve seen enough. He’s averaging 10.6 ppg (again, aiming for 20 ppg) and even removing the game he was injured mid-game still brings him to 12.7 ppg. Not to be outdone, Sam Darnold checks in at 11.6 ppg. Holy cow. Its also not helping that Le’Veon hasn’t found his groove (11.7 ppg). In brighter news, Mark Ingram has been solid (14.9 ppg) and Michael Thomas has been phenomenal (18.4 ppg, Jack leads all teams in WR1 points.) I’m keeping track of waiver transactions and how many make an impact – Jack leads the league in playing 9 different players purchased from the waiver pool (not looking at K/DEF in this analysis). Only 1 in 13 attempts has said waiver players hit either 10 pts for RB/WR/TE or 20 pts for a QB. Tough sledding here. I do think Le’Veon finds a higher gear and that Golladay’s presence in the lineup improves in the second half of the year, though the biggest jump will come when Jack finds top 20 quarterback play. (QB 20 sits at 15.3 ppg for the record).

A long ways from the Whiskery Phil League

Bob Kraft’s Day Spa: 124 ppg – This is the other team suffering from a fickle schedule’s seasonal musings: Scooter has accumulated 4 expected wins, only winning 3 times. And the upcoming schedule is unforgiving: 5 of the 6 remaining games are against the top 6 in total points scored. No rest for the weary. The path to overcoming the schedule rests on the shoulders of DeShaun Watson, who is neck and neck with Lamar Jackson at 25.1 ppg. Cooper Kupp is the other standout at 17.3 ppg, giving Scooter the #1 ranking at the WR2 position. The biggest hole attempting to be filled is the other WR spot – the one Antonio Brown is supposed to be filling. The fill-ins have averaged just 8.3 ppg, a league low for that position. Unfortunately with Kerryon hitting IR and the Chiefs backfield never really settling on one player, I see the Day Spa shuttering early, and truthfully, good riddance (to the spa of course.)

This pit is bigger than I thought

WeAllRammedIntoDaPit: 116 ppg – Rough year. The pit dwellers are top 3 in scoring in only one category: Kicker (2nd). Jason has tried to replace an injured Cam Newton to the tune of 11.5 ppg and Baker Mayfield was almost worse (13.0 ppg). Nick Chubb got the pass down work we were hoping for and has prospered (18.3 ppg). GurleyMan has been at least startable (13.0 ppg). Allen Robinson has overcome the Trubisky trainwreck (14.6 ppg). What the heckfire happened to Zach Ertz? (8.4 ppg even with all of the injuries at receiver in Philly.) Tyreek’s injury didn’t help and neither has Mahomes’ – but his presence lifts this team’s ceiling and positions it as a postseason spoiler down the stretch.

Fantasy football is a waste of time and fundamentally unfair (until next year)

Goffam City/Little Mermaids/Just Here for 2020: 114 ppg – There are years where it all feels like a bad dream and that’s been the case so far for Soape. Kamara and Conner have staved off injury (to self and team’s QB) to post a respectable 15.7 ppg each, but you’re hoping maybe one of these gets to 20+ ppg on draft day. Somehow Soape’s WR2 position has only 1 game scoring over 10 pts all year (and that was 10.4). Yikes. That WR2 position owns a league low 6.7 ppg. I wrote down “TE is a STEAMING TRASH HEAP” in my notes after seeing the 4.3 ppg average. Also this team’s defense scoring is league worst (5.8 ppg). The one bright spot? QB2. Russell Wilson surprised most of us and has been lethal when allowed to throw, scoring 23.3 ppg after costing a mere $3 on draft day. Well done on that call, Joelseph. Good luck on beating the real-life Dolphins win total.

6,277 words. Are you stuffed? Thanks for sitting by the fire and chatting with me in the midst of our journey – the road to glory becomes narrower with each passing week. May the road rise up to meet you. (Well really, three of you. I’ll take the other spot.)

Indubitably yours,

Dungeonmaster Dave

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flauntpage · 6 years

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The Outlet Pass: The All-Star Game Deserves Some Fresh Blood

First-Time All-Stars!

For a few reasons, both of this year’s All-Star teams could be littered with more than a few new faces. In each conference, several household names (Russell Westbrook, Chris Paul, Klay Thompson, Kyle Lowry, Al Horford, Victor Oladipo, and Draymond Green) are either hurt, enduring down years, or both. Some of them will coast off name recognition and fundamental respect to make it over more deserving players, but some won’t. Here are a few candidates that could/should break through for the first time in their career.

Bet-Your-Life Locks: Nikola Jokic

Denver’s lack of playoff experience in key areas has me skeptical about their legitimate chops as a contender, but that’s not what this is about! Jokic is an MVP candidate on a team that has the best record in the Western Conference. He’s a starving hippopotamus on the block and probably the smartest, boldest passer his position has seen in 30 years. Congratulations, Joker! You’re one of the most obvious All-Stars in the entire league!

If they don’t qualify it’s OK to say they got robbed: Tobias Harris, Nikola Vucevic, Ben Simmons, Khris Middleton

Harris is on a quality playoff team, averaging 21.1 points and 8.0 boards with near 50/40/90 shooting splits. Duh.

Vucevic is (still) a hipster’s MVP candidate. I’d take him over every center in the East, except Embiid.

Simmons is a bullet train whose size, speed, and vision couple with a non-existent jump shot to make him the most polarizing and unique player in the league. He isn’t better than Jimmy Butler, but has more responsibility in Philly’s offense and was built to collect triple-doubles. It’ll be fascinating to see if he makes it or not.

Middleton is the second-best player on the NBA’s best team, but that’s less impressive than it sounds. Milwaukee reminds me of the 2011 Dallas Mavericks, with Giannis as Dirk and then everyone else existing as a perfect supplementary fit. Middleton is one of the league’s unsung tough-shot-makers, but he also has a lower True Shooting percentage than last year despite jacking up way more threes. It’s also really hard to only choose one All-Star from a team that’s been so impressive.

Crucial pieces on good teams who deserve recognition: Pascal Siakam, Marcus Morris, JJ Redick, Domas Sabonis

Siakam is the third-best player on a title contender but on some nights that feels like an insult. The way he races up the floor throws the entire sport into a different frontier. Spicy P forever.

Morris has the ninth-highest True Shooting percentage in the league and helped save Boston’s season. In 19 games as a starter he’s comfortably in the 50/40/90 club and probably deserves an invite (at the very least) to the three-point shootout. What a ridiculous contract year for Morris.

Here are far too many words about Redick’s case.

Sabonis might low-low-low-key be Indiana’s best player. He’s shooting 74 percent at the rim, is one of the five best passers at his position, and in big minutes holds his own on the defensive end.

Too soon?: Luka Doncic, De’Aaron Fox

These are two of the most enjoyable spectacles in the NBA who’re virtually guaranteed to play in at least half a dozen All-Star games before they retire. Their numbers are terrific and they play for OK teams that have overachieved primarily because nobody expected either Doncic or Fox to be this good. Coming up with a case against them isn’t particularly fun, but unless Sacramento or Dallas goes on a winning streak that stabilizes their playoff status, actually playing in the All-Star game this soon won’t be easy.

(An honorable mention goes to Devin Booker, who’s 22 years old, has the third-highest usage rate in the league, and is averaging 25 points per game. Sadly, injuries and his team’s terrible record have kept him from serious consideration.)

An unofficial albeit acceptable lifetime achievement award: Mike Conley

Memphis’s recent slide has been a painful kidney punch to Conley’s All-Star campaign. But I’d still like to pretend he can be Martin Scorsese, with his value to the Grizzlies standing in as The Departed. The team is wet trash when he sits and 17.7 points per 100 possessions better when he plays; his partnership with Marc Gasol is still roughing up everyone else for the 276th season in a row, and Conley is fifth in Real Plus-Minus among all point guards. But Memphis’s offense isn’t particularly great when he’s on the floor and some of that’s because he isn’t finishing at the rim or drilling pull-up threes like he used to. He isn’t a six-foot roman candle like so many others at his position. I don’t really care. The man deserves this.

Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid’s Awkward Fit, Summed Up in One Play

Fair or not, the on and off-court chemistry between Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid is one of those relentlessly fascinating storylines that won’t disappear until A) the Philadelphia 76ers make the Finals, or B) one of them—most likely Simmons—gets traded.

The good news for Philly is they outscore opponents by nearly six points per 100 possessions when Embiid and Simmons share the floor. The bad news is that number was almost three times as high last year, and the Sixers have been better this season when Embiid is on the court without Simmons, which wasn’t the case during the 2017-18 season.

What’s most glaring when you watch them co-exist is how unusual it feels whenever one directly complements the other. Sure, Simmons will push in transition, cause panic, and create advantageous mismatches that everyone enjoys. And Embiid can consistently draw two defenders on the block then find Simmons on a duck in, or launch him towards the rim by screening his man around half-court. But they also get in each other’s way with a higher frequency than any two franchise players should, and that’s before Jimmy Butler even enters the equation. Simmons can’t space the floor and Embiid sort of can but asking him to do so on a regular basis is like buying a new iPad because you need a nightlight in your bathroom.

What’s most concerning, though, is how the evolution of their two-man game has truly become an escalator to nowhere, particularly when they run a snug pick-and-roll. This action is a disaster almost every time they run it. It’s predictable (opponents switch every single time) and unnecessarily congests the floor.

It’s not like the Sixers run this action a ton (by my count it didn’t occur once in their recent back-to-back against the Wizards), but it’s a micro issue that speaks to their macro dilemma. The best way to mitigate Simmons’s greatest flaw (one that matters a lot more in the playoffs than the regular season) is to play him as a point center, which is difficult on a team that also employs Embiid. Let Simmons push the ball in transition and post up, but also utilize his size, physicality, and speed by making him an unstoppable roll man, someone who can live above the rim and pick you apart as a playmaker on the move. Again, that’s hard to do with Embiid on the floor:

One radical solution may be to make Embiid the ball-handler. It won’t work against every team, but with the floor spaced it could be an opportunity to attack switches in an unorthodox way. I’m not sure if Embiid can/should assume this type of responsibility, but it’s better to try every option than concede too soon and do something rash (for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t be shocked if the Sixers sold high on Simmons before his next contract kicks in).

Philadelphia is very good as is, but “very good” isn’t what you punt four years away for. Most teams would be thrilled to have talents like Embiid and Simmons on their roster. Fit be damned, the rest will figure itself out, yada yada yada. But we’ve yet to see these two lift each other in a way that should make anyone think they can claw through two playoff rounds, let alone win a championship. Simmons doesn’t need a jumper to be an All-Star-caliber force, but to compete at the highest level, in a half-court setting, on the same team as a high-usage, low-post big? Of course he does. Brett Brown has the hardest job in the business.

Should Orlando Have Buyer’s Remorse With Aaron Gordon?

Let me preface this section by saying my expectations for Aaron Gordon are borderline irrational, and have been that way ever since he entered the league. A 23-year-old who should harness his multiple position-less powers to become Shawn Marion 3.0 crossed with an entire Cirque du Soleil troupe, Gordon has not been that. And the first year of his $84 million contract has been somewhat of a dud. His points, rebounds, usage, free-throw rate, and True Shooting percentage are all down from a year ago, and the Orlando Magic have to be wondering if the leap his physical advantages promise will ever come.

The buffet of options Gordon’s athleticism provides tend to have a negative effect. There’s decision fatigue. He’ll hijack entire possessions behaving like the star he’s convinced himself he already is, then jack up a terrible shot. (Put another way, Gordon will expend too much energy figuring out what he should be doing instead of doing it.)

The volume isn’t high, but on shots where he holds the ball for at least six seconds Gordon is only shooting 31 percent. That’s atrocious. And on plays where he’s the first option, Gordon will often force the issue before he reads the defense. Assists are slightly up, but many come off swing passes in the flow of Orlando’s offense; it’s too early to claim he’s grown in this area.

Now, all that said, Gordon is perfectly fine when functioning in a structured environment. Be it careening into the paint off a dribble handoff or bullying a switch in the post, then surveying the court for cutters and shooters. He isn’t a dumb player and not everything is his fault; Orlando’s point guard situation has been puke his entire career, he plays a lot of minutes beside guys who’re shooting below 30 percent from deep, and is now on his fifth head coach.

Those are obstacles, but don’t totally absolve Gordon from his failure (thus far) to build on the jump he made last year. The Magic probably won’t make the playoffs again, and some of that has to fall on Gordon. (Vucevic’s All-Star-caliber season isn’t enough!) Again, I’m irrationally high on Gordon and still feel he can be a net-positive player on a good team. But he needs boundaries, a tighter shot selection, and more talent around him to be the best version of whatever it is he can be. It’s increasingly doubtful that ever happens in Orlando.

The Adaptability of the Brooklyn Nets

Who would’ve thought after Caris LeVert’s gruesome injury that the Brooklyn Nets would become the most unflappable team in the entire league? They’re 15-14 since then, with an offense and defense that are about league average. That doesn’t sound impressive but in case you skipped over the first sentence in this section we’re talking about the Brooklyn Nets! It’s ridiculously impressive!

Their net rating in the past month (15 games!) is higher than Philadelphia, Denver, and Toronto. Their depth is startling. Their talent is dramatically overlooked. Their coaching is beyond respectable. Instead of excuses, whenever there’s an injury (be it to Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, DeMarre Carroll, Allen Crabbe, LeVert, whoever) Kenny Atkinson simply adjusts his rotation in a way that brainwashes you into thinking the team just got better.

D’Angelo Russell looks like an All-Star. Spencer Dinwiddie is quietly a step-back devil. Jarrett Allen has emerged as a critical offensive weapon and projects to contend for Defensive Player of the Year at some point in his career. Rodions Kurucs has a 7’7” wingspan, size 20 shoe, and is often asked to defend the other team’s primary ball-handler, which he does without withering.

The Russell, Dinwiddie, Shabazz Napier lineups we’ve recently seen are a tornado, and Kenneth Faried (who’s completely out of rhythm but also shooting corner threes) is an overqualified 15th man. Also, veterans like Jared Dudley and Steady Ed Davis are here doing positive things, while Joe Harris just drilled nine threes since you clicked on this column.

Brooklyn’s upcoming schedule is a rollercoaster, with the Raptors, Celtics, and Rockets followed by Magic, Kings, Magic, and Knicks, right before another game against...the Celtics. But this team appears to have found itself on both ends. It’s resilient, poised, intelligent, and really hard to guard. What happens when LeVert returns should be interesting, and if he looks like the All-Star he was before the injury none of the Eastern Conference’s top-four teams will particularly enjoy going up against them in the first round.

But this feel-good surge impacts the long-term. Last month, Atkinson was on the block and a top-10 draft pick felt certain. That's no longer the case. Dinwiddie has already been locked into a team-friendly deal, but so many of the veterans are set to hit unrestricted free agency, and Russell will want a massive pay raise. It’s possible they dip out of the playoff picture and land a lottery pick—they’re only 2.0 games up on the ninth place Detroit Pistons—but that feels unlikely.

Will the momentum behind a reputable playoff showing be enough to convince a marquee free agent that Brooklyn is right for him? If not, do they hope Russell receives no outlandish offer sheets and roll it back with everyone onboard as a tradable asset? The Nets were bad for so long that the joy they’re currently going through overshadows those important questions. Until then, who cares. This team has been super fun.

The Outlet Pass: The All-Star Game Deserves Some Fresh Blood published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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