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cato-of-blamesociety · 9 months

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32 Weeks Tracklist/Song Picks pt. 4 (weeks 25-31)

How/Why did I choose/chose to use the songs I did

*Full breakdown, updated in real time(weekly)*

25. Mood 4 Eva x Beyonce ft. Jay-Z, Childish Gambino, Oumou Sangare

Yooo!! We have arrived to the final videos of the project. I don’t know how you feel, I hope that you feel…well idk understood?? If you are of my flesh and blood family, I hope you feel heard, validated, celebrated, and overall loved. If you are a follower, I hope you feel connected to me and my work. If you are a person who just happened to stumble upon this…(yeah right), but if so 😉, I hope you visit, and revisit all the aspects of this project and find that you are just like me; human AF!! I had to do one for my mama y'all. So this will sort of a shout out to film by Beyoncé, “Black is King”. Now for those that don’t know, or haven’t had a chance, the movie is basically like it’s own telling of “The Lion King” but with amazing colors, outfits, nod to spirituality, highlights of life, and more. I fell in love with the story/narrative that we are “Simba” finding our way, and even though we get lost, our ancestors, loved ones, and elders are guiding us, covering us, and wishing the best for us. On a another level, I view it as Beyoncé's love letter to her son, but I also interpret it as a metaphor that the Divine Black Goddess(not Beyoncé) but the spirit of life/love/nurture/nature, BIG feminine energy is here for me and always has been. Each visual has amazing imagery, and the music is phenomenal. The African artists, and influences make the album feel like its our DNA. With that being said, I knew after writing to “Cuff It”, I would return to another Beyoncé track. I was leaning towards something off "Renaissance", "EVERYTHING IS LOVE", or "The Gift". "Renaissance" had so many picks, but really, none that I really attached to, and could write something meaningful. "EVERYTHING IS LOVE", well….actually, never mind that for now. We will be back to talk about it in about 5 more posts (I really didn’t think I was going write to anything on that album). “The Gift” had so many bangers. Initially I attempted to create something to “BIGGER”. The actually song moves me to tears when I think about; how much my wife does, and more recently, how I’m endlessly exhausted being in this process. I hummed some sh*t, but nothing actually stuck. “Find Your Way Back” was another that I could freestyle to, but nothing that I thought I use for #32weeksMixtape. OMG…”Already”!!?? I couldn’t…I just couldn’t disrespect that mf like that haha. “Waters”, “My Power”, and “Scar” are all inviting but for whatever reason, “Mood 4Eva” just felt more like me. As soon as I gave myself to idea of it, the words came to me. I knew it would be about my amazing mother. She has gotten even more full of grace over the years, more understanding, and I would dare say, more loving. Anyway, Mama, I highly doubt you will ever see this, but I want to say it again just in case. I love you so much. I sincerely appreciate your guidance, your light, and commitments to the development of your children.

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26. Calling x Metro Boomin ft. Swae Lee, NAV, A Boogie wit da Hoodie

Sooo, just a reminder and to avoid redundancies, please 👉🏾check out the blog posts for weeks 17-24, specifically week22👈🏾 to get background info on my search throughout the "METRO BOOMIN PRESENTS SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SOUNDTRACK". I want to jump right in. "Calling" was written after my youngest sister, Neisha, confided in me about a dilemma. I want to say(can't remember for certain) she was very embarrassed or at least wanted to keep that dilemma confidential. I thought based on prior info, that the situation had changed for her, but basically she made it known that it never did. I wanted her and my other sister, Deonna, that I was one that can always be trusted with any info, because I know the value of being that special ear, and heart for others. That's really what the track is about. The original line opening the verse was; "I'm your brother, your motherf*cking brother...' but I felt that was too aggressive and since it was a spider track, I wanted my children to be able to hear it. When I say, "I truly get it, I get to my core..." it's a reference to understanding how hard it can be to tell the people we love the most, the truth about who we are. For me, it was telling my mom after over 20years of going to church, that I no longer believed /followed Christianity. It was big deal for Mama. She thought she did something wrong but as a person who is seeking truth, and wanting to find freedom in this life, my beliefs and journey took me down a different path. The line about wearing a mask to cover shame...whew chile!! That one carries so much weight. Shame is something we all try to avoid, and as a fellow(rather former) mask wearer, I know when people have those barriers up. We think they protect us(THEY DON'T), but really embracing that shame, or confronting it(by being open, honest, and vulnerable) we learn to let it go. When we let shame go, we become stronger. Gwen Stacy takes off her mask(honest, confronts shame) and it literally saved her and her father's life! As a person who is trying to become a better version of themselves, I recognize that it takes time for folks to attain that level of honesty. Sh*t, there are things I still need time for as well. I think I touch on this in the video description, but, I wanted the video to show Peter B. Parker as the 'brother'. Gwen bonded with him and Miles (and the other spider people) in the previous movie. Peter is the OG, who taught Miles, but in the end, learned from him. He becomes a father, he is a great friend( to even Miguel, who is obviously hurt in ways that can't be seen) and overall when Peter enters the room, you feel the sigh of comedic relief. I see myself as Peter and my sisters as Gwen. Peep the video where I say "I'm the one that you can trust" and it's a quick reminder that Peter has felt the same way Gwen does. At the end of the film, Gwen appears outside of Peter's window...she is literally "Calling" him for help. Deonna and Deneisha, if you see this, I hope you know you can call me WHENEVER, for WHATEVER! I hope you enjoy the visuals and the song!!

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27. Rebuke x KAYTRAMINÉ

Ok, so I will attempt to keep this one brief! Going back to phase 1, I lay out how Kaytranada was new to me(week5). Well after writing to "Grey Area", I knew I wanted to use another Kaytranada instrumental. The issue was, I didn't know where to go. I put it on the back burner...and then..some time went by and I find out that Kay and Aminé teamed up for a collaboration album; self-entitled: "KAYTRAMINÉ". Aminé is cold in so many ways. For me, I think his voice and the way is vocals come out to crispy clean get me each time. One of my favorite tracks he did was "Invincible" for the "Into the Spiderverse" Soundtrack. When that song comes on, and I am actively listening...I get goosebumps and teary eyed as f*ck. Needless to say, a full album by him and Kay had me amped. Even the first track "Who He Iz" comes in hot. Kay's production is so catchy, but makes you move, but is always f*cking weird...idk how to describe it. I just know I love it. "letstalkaboutit" is another one that I had on repeat...lets see; here is the last of my favs: "Westside", "Master P", "UGH UGH", and of course "Rebuke". I think "Rebuke" stuck with me due to its lightness. I originally had been in a place (while writing #32weeksMixtape) where I wanted to write more about my wife and I's relationship. That verse ended up in week 17: "Don't Let The Devil". The original opening lines to "Rebuke" were "Giving up? I refuse/I'm not enough? I rebuke/Letting in those types of thoughts will only sink the cruise". I go on a run about the Rugrats movie, Tom(Tommy) Crusie/Nicole Kidman and religion...and then compare our relationship to Bey and Jay....Then something at work or life in general wasn't moving as planned and I really needed to talk to my homies. I outline in the description of "Rebuke | remix" video how for a week no one I contacted picked up, called back, or responded to my texts. I know that seems dramatic, but literally I took that feeling and began writing what now is Week 27; "I been trying to keep a plus sign, but these minuses keep adding up..." Side note: During the process of recording #32weeksMixtape I did have strep. I want to say that's when this verse was written. You can hear the strain/change in my voice on week 20: "RUN | remix". This verse was so much fun. The singing of "f*ck you" just has so much power in it lol. Anyway I hope you enjoy! I hope that the video gets remixed and memed up.

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28. Wings x Mac Miller

Before I starting typing this week's blog post, I wanted to go back and revisit week 9's post first. Week 9's message, the song and the post, are fairly identical to this one. At this point you should know I am a big fan of Mac's and still bump is music on a healthy rotation. I mentioned before that "Faces" was very cringy for me but has become sort of a pacifier for my panic attacks of being overwhelmed in this process; seemingly not receiving any recognition for the work/effort/time/vulnerability I put in this project. The intro to "It just doesn't Matter", which is Bill Murray's monologue from the movie Meatballs, makes be tear up each time. The idea that I can do all this work and possibly reach that level of satisfaction I have been searching for (finding financial freedom from the music I create), or remain a broke artist that no one cares about...doesn't even matter. It really has become my mantra when I feel myself judging myself for not getting enough likes/listens/views/f*cking attention for a post or track! "Cato," I tell myself, "none of this sh*t matters anyway!". I then... and please understand this literally happened on the day I released week 28(1/18/24)...write a post on here reminding myself that I am my favorite rapper and that is a huge accomplishment. I then threw on my visuals on my tv and watch the beautiful work I had took time to create. I cried...like ugly cried. But it felt so good to remember what I have done so far. Today(1/19/24), sitting in my car before walking into work, I record a message reminding *myself* that I am dope, and that the validation is from within, not external (added to the aforementioned post). Y'all, I had to release that negative burden! Let me tell you why. Again, 28 was written to remind the homies that them not helping me out/supporting(which is all perceived through my own perspective making this feeling a distorted thought; who knows how they were actually supporting/helping me?) and that I was at the point to say "If you don't/won't/can't be here with me, for whatever reason...i am ok with it. I won't push you, I won't argue, I won't beg. Like I get it, you have other priorities." Soooo...as you recall, week 9 drops, and leading up to that release P passes. I had agreed to continue my project because I know he would appreciate the work. P understood my craft, he knew how dope of a writer I am, just like I know how dope he is. I made it a mission that when I hit week 28, I would dedicate to him. It only makes sense because once he died, that mf song sounded like I wrote it on his personal behalf. So with all that mind, I used as much footage as I could find/that I had/and others sent me. I f*cking cry while putting it all together. I post it, and...wow, crickets! I felt like on social media especially, I wasn't getting any digital love. I thought for sure that this video and subsequent snippets, because of its sentiment would at at least attract more attention because his family and friends would want to see it...right? 🤷🏾‍♂️ At this moment, I was wrong. So back to "It just doesn't matter". I froze in my tracks(1/18/24) and remembered that my brother appreciates this and that's who it was made for. That's when I re-watched my prior videos, starting with week 28. I can get swept up in the addictive feeling of being validated through social media just like the next person. Today, I know to feel what I need to, but then get my ego/pride/self out of the way. I told myself I will not drop another teaser for this video....at least for awhile, so that I can be sure my selfishness of wanting to be recognized as an artist doesn't take away from the fact that a man has died and his family/friends will never be the same. P, I love you. I'm sorry that my hat didn't come soon enough for me to wear it at your ceremony like we talked about. I wore it in the video for you. ~LLP🕊💙💙

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29. 2010 x Earl Sweatshirt

So, spoiler alert (not really) I am fairly new to Earl. I never got on board with Odd Future back in the day. I didn't understand the vibe, and felt they were too weird. So far, I regret that narrow-mindedness because I mess with Tyler for real now, and I have (listened to The Internet, Steve Lacy, and Frank Ocean) and realized I missed an era. <;<I just watched "Oldie" and now I get it. That last verse sums it up>> Either way, my intro to Earl I believe came from Mac Miller's Watching Movies. Earl is featured on "I'm Not Real"(one of my favs from that album). I then heard "Wool" I think slide across my Spotify when I had Vince Staples on random. For some reason Earl's line about " Fifties in my pocket falling out like fucking baby teeth..." had me hooked. Earl's feature on Faces: New Faces v2 is what really had me feeling like I needed to check him out seriously. The homie Brandon was also invested in my Earl education. I believe that during the #32weeksMixtape writing era, I did actually vibe through "Sick!". I don't think I had any issues with it. Earl's flow is so strange to me. It lowkey reminds me how Nas' skills are. You think they are going to rhyme a certain way, but then the bar is syncopated, or the rhyme/word you thought they would use doesn't come immediately, or at all! Earl even has this, almost slur type of delivery that I did have to get accustomed too. I got into Frank Ocean about a year and a half ago (I know...leave me alone) and that was hugely due to Dissect Podcast that I have mentioned before. Anyway, the host goes into detail about Earl's perfectly delivered verse on "Super Rich Kids". This was another reminder that I needed to check him out. Back to Sick!, On the Podcast...I can't remember which episode, it could be in the Mac Miller (s9) when they breakdown "2009". They tell the listeners that Earl and other friends of Mac's had made songs in the same manner as 2009. Earl's was 2010. SICK! by itself is fire but given the reason behind the track, and the challenge of attempting to rhyme on a weird Earl beat fired me up to write to 2010. This one is special to me, and I know I say that about all the songs on 32weeks, but this was another one I played for Paris that last day I saw him. He was f*cking with it. I had fun coming up with the string of metaphors...and my favorite one is the lines about going to outer space. I start it off with "on a rocket ship.." heading to build a colony...which is my way of saying B.L.A.M.E. will be what I said it would be. I then relay that to setting a table and even though you may not be here with me right now, it's ok if you join later..."I will save some space for you..." This line really is for Tyson. He really doesn't/didn't believe after all the times I told him, I want him apart of the movement. Take ya time, I have a place for you, and a plate for you [at the table]. "Imma add another leaf[as in add another section to the table to extend/make it longer], to make room for some New Faces. Cause back in '09..." This is what makes love this track. I tie in Mac's New Faces v2 from his Album Faces...which of course features Earl...but I also bring up 09...which is from Mac's Swimming which is why 2010 was inspired...you see the layers...but also notice that in Earl's 2010, and Mac's 2009, they are reflecting on how life wasn't as great, it was darkness before the light and the same relates to me. I was arrested in 2008, and due to how it went down, I was banned from school campus and activities. I couldn't attend my prom or my graduation. So taking all of that frustration and using it to move forward is a form of strength to me. Anyway I hope you enjoy the track and visuals.

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30. ADHD x Joyner Lucas

Ok first off, It's been a hell of a week. I have literally felt like sh*t since dropping week29. Like all the symptoms that I list in the song hit me like that morning! Like n*gga, I was sick on my mf day off! On top of that, I am writing this on a Saturday afternoon vs my Friday evening because my younger son also got sick. I express on week 24 how Elijah is energetic af. He never stops moving. When he gets sick though, he is still as a rock, and it f*cking breaks my heart. I hate when anyone in my house gets ill, but Elijah with no energy is just depressing. Today(this morning), my elementary school's basketball team I was coaching, season ended. We made it to the 2nd game of the tournament but didn't win and couldn't move forward. We ended the season with 3W-4L. I really hoped they would push all the way to the championship...there is always next year. Lastly, I have been meaning to find a way to work in updates about weight....I know "Cato why tf would we want to know that??". Truly it's for documentary purposes. I believe I already shared that #32weeksMixtape is just a leg of the process. Next project with 32weeks is the book. Everything that happened in these 32weeks is up to be discussed, my weight included. Around September, I noticed that my weight was going up...slowly but increasing nonetheless. I usually hang around 215lbs as my baseline. My true goal weight is 200lbs(which, may be impossible lol but I refuse to quit). The closet I have gotten to that goal was 207lbs. As we rolled through 2023's cold season holidays, I realized my workout regiment wasn't as consistent and I wasn't giving my all when I did workout. I definitely wasn't getting enough sleep, and my eating/snacking was out of balance. By 1/1/24, I was up to 233lbs. That's a big jump in a small amount of time. I started freaking out the first week of the new year, but then I reminded myself, "We have done this before!" I have. I started to chill with the snacks, getting back to upping my water intake, lowkey ate an apple every morning, and a granola bar for breakfast/morning snack, and have been packing my lunch with filling but low cal foods (i.e. homecooked leftovers(that hasn't changed), carrots + mini naan breads with hummus(delish), and a smaller portion of my salty bbq chips with a fruit cup/applesauce. Today, 2/3/24, I am at 223lbs! Yeah, that's right, I am down 10lbs. The last change I did was actually weighing myself each morning, and recording it. Tracking my weight is like a reminder, "Bro, we have a goal, lets not deviate."

----Ok now back to the music! This song was written when I didn't know what to write. I had already mentioned that in week 25, Joyner's ADHD album is filled with bangers. This one, just had the vibe that pulled me in. The singing I do at the beginning, "I think my pen is like eyes..." wow! That was what came to me quickly. I know I had to use it. I really did shed tears while writing alot of these songs, and the idea like Jay's "Song Cry", where he is telling you he can't see himself crying, so he has to make the song cry for him, is the premise. In the visuals I utilize Master Jiraiya because he is a renowned legendary ninja, who plays a significant role in inspiring his village and his mentee. In the end he writes his last message which is a warning for his village. That to me had me tears. RIP Master Jiraiya. I start the verse by saying, "Maybe it's my nerves, wrapping up these verses. The most I've ever written. Lately, feeling more coerced." This is truly how I felt. I felt like I had given all that I had, and that at this point I am pushing out bullsh*t. But nevertheless, the process is the process. There is a hint about my album to come in the song, "I been talking about magic, alchemy, and how I've changed, love is magic, making gold bars outta spare change". The album is inspired by my favorite novel, but I use the concept to show that we can change our world/life with love and introspection...among other things. The string of lines where I say I'm not trying to make a hit....everything in those lines tell you that type of artist I want to be to you. Allow me to be the soundtrack that drives you. Lastly, I want to end this post with a shout out to Joyner. I still don't know how involved he is with his visuals, but they are so cool. Check out his video for ADHD, and then look at how they made that sh*t. I respect Joyner's hustle out here. To the person reading this right now, I hope you know that you are loved, and I hope you never give up, no matter what your goal is!

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31. LOVEHAPPY x The Carters (Beyoncé + Jay Z)

Man...we are one away from being all done! Ok so how to describe what is going on in this song. 🤔Well, let's start with the concept. First off, this truly was the last verse written. I was thinking and reflecting on what instrumental to use. I was playing with some ideas like; Rich Flex x Drake & 21 Savage, Crazy Mood x Grind2Hard Osh'a, East Point Prayer x Vince Staples, like 3 tracks off of 'Kids See Ghosts', and Dreaming of the Past x Pusha T. But then something crazy happened. Just as the week 31's verse says, I was meeting with Tyson. It was a long drive to him but it was worth it. I was able to see his face, chit chat, share some of the new tunes (esp the last track/32). We were discussing the importance of connecting with people and having accountability for what we do. We talked about goals, and the project. I leave, and literally about 1 exit away from home I change the song on my phone(it was clicked into the phone holder on the dashboard). I look up, my exit is coming up and I was about to miss it. Had I been thinking, I would have stayed on the highway and turned around hopping back on the highway at the next exit.---Mind you, there had been a lot of construction on this portion of the highway and so there were a lot of those tall/skinny orange/reflective white cones lining the road. I swerve to make my exit. I turned too hard, and then overcorrected hitting one of those cones. It caused my driver side mirror to close into the the driver's window. The mirror shattered, the casing broke, and there was other slight damage.

The first thing I want to say is I am grateful that I didn't roll the vehicle, hit another vehicle, or injure myself. Here's the sad part that just shows how ridiculous my thinking was. Erin had been reminding me over and over for weeks to stop engaging with my phone while driving. I ignored her warnings. This happens, and I began to freak out. I don't want to let her down, but what I do next was a lame a** move. I began looking up estimates to fix the mirror...because we were supposed to take my car to Chicago for a couples getaway and to see Beyoncé live in concert(Renaissance World tour) like within the next 3 weeks. During my freak out I call her to see where she is. She says she isn't that far. I know that I was supposed to make dinner. I realized that some of the ingredients I needed, weren't in the pantry. I ask her if she could stop and grab some black beans. *I know stupid and hella manipulative*. She denies and tells me to pivot to a different meal. I couldn't tell you what I ended up making. I should have told her right then what happened...but I didn't. Fast-forward, she gets to the house and immediately begins asking what happened. I tell her then and that's how the final verse was thought up. We had a long talk about other areas I was slacking in around the house. The reason was mostly because I was deep in writing, recording, and building the concept of #32weeksMixtape.

I am so grateful that I was able to find a damn near matching full mirror and casing for under $100(and that's with the express shipping), grateful that Big Bro Dave was able to install it for me, and especially grateful that Erin still saw my heart. The line about her saying she would leave me is true. It would either be from me not listening to her(as in taking her warnings for me/her/our safety serious) or for constantly making expensive mistakes that lowkey re-traumatize her. With all the other references to us being like The Carters(week 17 for instance) I knew this verse would be written to a "EVERYTHING IS LOVE" song. There were a few contenders: "SUMMER", "BOSS", "FRIENDS", and "713". I love them all, but the way Jay Z is still lamenting about his mistakes, and tells how he had to make things right, plus the tempo and style of "LOVEHAPPY" had my brain spilling out the lyrics. My favorite lines are the quotes. Those were my takeaways; Listen and apply, just communicate when sh*t happens, make better choices or lose it all(my family or my actual life), and family comes first. I hope you don't make silly, careless, and dangerous choices like I did. I pray that you take care of yourself and live your life fully with a person whom you call your soulmate and the you experience LOVEHAPPYness. If no has told you today, I love you, and always will. Thank you for taking the time to read this. 💙💙💙

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