#Leonard is stupid and bad at controlling himself but that’s what makes him tragically perfect

[hobbithabits]

Feeling ✨whimsical and gay✨ so that means short Spones fiction

Leonard McCoy is a grown man–one with a child and an ex-wife–as well as a doctor, and he knows how to control himself. Of course, it means absolutely nothing when your two closest friends can read you like the first letter of an eye exam with 20/20 vision. Especially Spock. The bastard.

Even so, Leonard has gone this long with his stupid secret kept to his chest, and he won’t give it up now that things have shifted. For the first time, Idiot #1 and Know-It-All Prime listened to his medical advice, and they’ve put more effort into actually relaxing. As soon as their shift is over, they step away and do something that gets their mind off of never-ending space.

(Jim insists Leonard is the only one on the entire ship that thinks that way, but everyone and their momma knows that the vastness of existence is terrifying no matter who you are.)

Their compliance gave them more time to spend together as friends instead of coworkers. Jim and Spock play chess for one or two hours nearly every full day cycle. Leonard doesn’t allow himself the same comfort, because being a doctor means being a workaholic (a hypocrite). He spends his time with Jim normally, because he and Spock don’t really hang out on Leonard’s request. If they did, the Vulcan would see right through him like always.

He and Jim do their thing, and then their lovely captain ditches him to play chess. It’s starting to be routine. Except now there’s been some kind of change, because after Jim heads off to change into comfier clothes before meeting with Spock, the green devil walks into the conference room they had occupied.

Leonard doesn’t even have his mouth all the way open before Spock is speaking to him, standing just inside the doorway.

“Doctor, there is something I must discuss with you that I believe will be in your best interest.” Spock has that stupid standard rigidness to him that makes Leonard’s brain squirm. His face, as always, reveals nothing.

“Shoot.” Leonard replies carelessly, before correcting himself, “I mean go ahead. I’m listening.”

Spock doesn’t miss a single beat and begins with no preamble, “In the past week I’ve noticed a change in your mood concerning Jim and I’s time spent together. You could be described as ‘stand-offish’ or perhaps passively aggressive in our interactions concerning Jim, and Jim has noticed a sort of displeasure from you when he leaves to play our games.

“I’ve concluded that you are possibly feeling some sort of envy for our relationship, or even a jealously of me in having Jim’s attention. I wanted to assure to you that the captain and I are simply friends, though close ones, and that Jim would happily spend more time with you if you simply asked him. The same applies for me, if you wish for it.” When Spock is done, he waits patiently for a response, as if he hadn’t just called someone out completely.

Leonard wants to dig a deep hole and hide in it until he dies. He was foolish to think any of the smaller details like that would get past Spock. For such an emotionless bastard, he understands plenty about everyone else’s emotion state. He hates when Spock is right. But technically, he’s wrong too.

Spock is under the assumption that Leonard wants something more from Jim. Leonard wants /everything/ more from Spock. His silence is telling, and he surely has some stupid look on his face that the Vulcan understands, but he can’t let Spock be right. It isn’t in his nature to let the wrong get past him. He opens his stupid mouth before he can think it through.

“You’re wrong. Well, you’re kinda right in the general idea, but you’ve got the details all wrong.” Leonard stands so he can make a quick escape after he’s done being an ass. He closes the large distance between the two of them but wouldn’t dare go too close, so Spock can’t grasp exactly what he means. “I am jealous of you and Jim spending time together. You’re my friends so of course I’ll wanna see you when you aren’t with me.

“It’s just that I’m not jealous of you, thinking you’re together. I’m jealous of him. I am /green/ over the fact that it’s so easy for him to be close to you. I want it for myself. The easiness, the comfort, your attention.

I want you but I won’t have you.”

Spock, for once, is stunned and curious but doesn’t raise an eyebrow. He’s thinking hard, and Leonard can see the gears moving in the twitch of his mouth. It makes him want.

The idiot part of his brain, the part that makes him so ridiculously emotional switches on right then. Then suddenly, Leonard is striding up to Spock, and curling his fingers around the Vulcan’s palm that lies limp by his side. He kisses Spock square on the mouth, and pours every single inch of his thought into the touch, so he can engrave the moment in his mind for after it’s gone forever. It lingers just a millisecond too long for Leonard to completely detach himself from how good it feels. But then it’s over and Leonard is running off with his tail between his legs all the way to his room.

He doesn’t look back and he tries so hard not to think about how open Spock felt in that moment. He fails. He doesn’t answer his door and he doesn’t leave until his next shift starts. It’ll be fine.