#Like I’m not guilty either. Normally around now I would be feeling the guilt but. I’m good.

[saturdaymournings]

can’t tell if I’m happy or not tbh but something is up in my brain and it’s crazy shit. Like I’m not even stressed about the stressy I’m just. Vibes

[stargirlinterludefr]

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK: rafe cameron x fem!reader

Based off of the song 1 step forward, 3 steps back by Olivia Rodrigo

Synopsis: It’s always 1 step forward and 3 steps back with Rafe, until you’ve finally had enough.

TW: Toxic relationship, emotional & verbal abuse, drug usage, references to sexual relations but no smut, addiction, heavy angst, small amount of fluff, guilt tripping for not having sex (I do NOT condone any of this, you should never be made to feel guilty if you don’t want to sleep with someone!), Rafe being an arsehole

Word count: around 3,500

‘Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

You’re laid down on your front, hand mindlessly plucking at your lilac coloured blanket as your other hand holds your phone close to your ear, waiting for your boyfriend to answer your call.

“Hello?” Rafe’s deep voice rings through the other end, cutting out the ringing sound that you’d been listening to whilst waiting on an answer.

You smile softly, “Hey baby, just thought I’d ring, not heard off of you in a few hours.” You say, still plucking mindlessly at your blanket as Rafe sniffles down the phone before he answering.

“Uh yeah, been busy with Barry sorry, what’ve you been up to?” He asks, and while deep down you know he’s distracted and probably doesn’t even care about what you’ve been doing as long as you’re not out flirting with other boys or…out doing anything at all.

“Barry? I didn’t realise you were hanging with him today, is he doing okay?” You ask sweetly, kind nature shining through despite how much you disliked Barry for continuing to get Rafe involved with dealings.

“Why you sound so mad about me hanging with Barry, huh?” Rafe snaps back and your heart plummets to your stomach as you pause your mindless ministrations on your blanket.

“Wha- I’m not mad, baby, I was just asking-“ You start but you don’t have the opportunity to finish as Rafe is quick to cut you off.

“Well fucking don’t! I don’t wanna deal with your bitchy attitude, it’s like you- you’re judging me or something so just cut it out a’ight? Get enough of that from my fucking dad, didn’t know my girl would be all up in my business to.” He says, voice agitated and slurred making it clear to you he’d been snorting up lines like there was no tomorrow.

You stay still in your place, eyes laced with tears that were on the verge of falling if you didn’t swallow the lump in your throat.

“What, you gone mute or something?” Rafe snaps and you jolt slightly, clearing your throat as you answer.

“M’ sorry.” You mutter, voice strained and quiet as though he’d zapped every inch of energy and happiness from you in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” He scoffs, the sound of beeping ringing through your speaker signifying that he’d ended the call and as you slowly lower your phone from your ear, silent tears stream down your face and instead of picking mindlessly at your blanket you bury your face into it.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

Parties had become something you dreaded immensely.

Rafe would usually leave you as soon as you arrived, seeking out people to sell his stuff to and snorting so many lines of it that you’d be left to deal with either his raging temper or his raging boner.

Despite that fact, you made sure you looked your prettiest each time. At the start of your relationship, Rafe showered you in compliments each time you’d get all dressed up but now he’d simply complain about how long you took and then he’d go flirt with some other look or touron making you seriously question whether you were even pretty enough anymore.

And at this particular party? You felt the burning pit of insecurity like it was etched onto your skin.

You were sat beside Rafe, two other kook girls across from you who were alongside Kelce and Barry.

Rafe was pouring out some coke from a small baggie, organising it into lines as he glanced toward you briefly.

“You want some?” He asks, pupils blown as wide as spaceships.

“No, I’m okay.” You say immediately, you’d never wanted to indulge in things like cocaine as you’d drawn the line at weed and alcohol.

“Oh my god, you’re like no fun are you? Live a little, girl.” One of the kook girls hanging off Kelce’s arms says, making the surrounding people laugh in response as their eyes dart to you.

And the worst part? Rafe laughs along with them.

“Alright then.” You mutter quietly, making the same girl holler in excitement as Rafe smiles, gesturing to the lines of cocaine he’d organised.

“All yours, baby.”

And as you sniff up the line of coke, you wonder when you’d let Rafe have so much power over the way you perceived yourself.

‘Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

The next morning you woke up to a regretful Rafe, the boy showering you with a million apologies for essentially forcing you to do something you’d never been comfortable doing in the past.

You’d assured him it was okay but he still preached his guilt, continuing to spend the remainder of the day spoiling you with a shopping trip and ending it with a walk on the beach.

The day had you feeling hopeful, Rafe had promised earlier on that he’d atleast stop doing cocaine around you so you wouldn’t be forced to.

This was progress…wasn’t it?

The hope you felt quickly diminished when you caught sight of your old friends, JJ and John B.

And JJ would be damned if he didn’t say hello to you, while you never talked much to the Pogues anymore JJ’s loyalty was impossible to extinguish. If the Maybank boy cared about you, he wasn’t ever going to let those feelings diminish.

“Ain’t this a sight for sore eyes?” A voice calls from behind you, making yours and Rafe’s heads whip around as you come face to face with JJ who is lightly jogging toward you both. John B trailing slowly behind as he adjusts two surf boards under his arms.

“How you been, y/n/n?” He asks, head cocking to the side as his messy blonde hair moves softly with it.

You open your mouth to speak but Rafe quickly cuts you off, hand tightening on your own “She’s good.”

JJ’s face immediately drops as he narrows his eyes, “Don’t think I was asking you, bro.” He says dryly as Rafe clenches his jaw.

“You gonna answer then?” Rafe spits out, making you look at him with pleading eyes, knowing by the look on his face that he was going to end this in a fight with you.

He simply gives you a glare and you turn to JJ, eyes not daring to meet his.

“Uh yeah, I’ve been good, you?” At your words Rafe lets out a scoff and you bite your lip anxiously, praying to whatever god that whatever has him mad will be resolved quickly.

“You know me, I’m always a’ight, you should uh come by the Chateau soon so we can catch up with ya…we’ve missed you.” JJ says, eyes trained intently on you as he ignores Rafe’s looming presence.

“Yeah, that sounds real nice.” You say, smiling softly and before you can say anything else Rafe is tugging you away.

“Yeah, real good to see you JJ, always a fucking pleasure!” He shouts sarcastically, ignoring how the blonde boy calls out your name when John B finally makes it to his side. You send an apologetic smile over your shoulder as Rafe’s hand detaches from your own.

“That sounds real nice?” Rafe parrots your words, eyes wild with anger as he scoffs to himself continuing his rapid walk back to the truck.

“What else was I supposed to say?” You ask desperately, running slightly to keep up with Rafe’s fast paces as he refuses to slow down for you.

“Rafe!” You call out when he doesn’t respond, the two of you now all but five meters from his truck.

That’s when he spins back to face you, face scrunched in anger as he points at you.

“I’ll tell you what your fucking problem is, y-you can’t be happy with what I’m giving you so you put on the sad kicked puppy act when Maybank is around for what? Huh? You fucking him or something?” Rafe shouts in anger, now towering over you as you all but freeze in your place.

“What? No I’m not fucking Jay, Rafe. I haven’t seen him in months, ever since you told me to stop hanging round with my friends!” You say, voice trembling as you attempt to hold back tears of frustration not missing the way Rafe’s eyes flash with more anger.

“You might as well be fucking him, you got nicknames for him and shit?” He states mockingly, letting out a dry laugh when you go to correct your mistake as a force of habit from your childhood, he spins back toward his truck before you can even respond. “Go hang with Maybank for all I care, prove how much of an attention seeking whore you are.”

Your brows furrow as Rafe rounds his truck, clambering into it as you step forward.

“Rafe?” You call out, listening to him start his truck and rev the engine. You begin walking toward the truck but Rafe reverses so quickly that sand flicks up leaving you to shield your face when he spins the truck around,leaving you stood there.

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

You receive an abundant of text messages from Rafe later on in the same night as your pacing the small space of your room, nibbling anxiously on your nails.

Rafe 💜: am sory baby

Rafe 💜: Pogue get me soooooo pissed

Rafe 💜: I lobe u so moch ❤️❤️

You let out a groan of frustration at the words, your mind spinning as though you’d experienced whiplash. You didn’t know how to keep up anymore, you didn’t understand.

No, I don't understand

You: I love you too 🤍

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your sat reading on the dock at the back of your house, one foot dangling into the water when your phone buzzes.

Rafe 💜: coming over.

Your stomach churns with an excited sort of nervousness, mind reeling on how Rafe is going to be today.

His emotional imbalance had made such an impact upon your own that you didn’t know how to feel anymore, whatever you felt was never right in his eyes.

you: okay, on the dock <3

When you hear Rafe’s footsteps drawing closer you don’t dare look up, pretending to be engrossed in your book to see how he would react.

Whether he’d be his teasing normal self that you’d fallen in love with or the coked up angry Rafe that you’d grown to hate.

Rafe steps grow dangerously near and his voice comes along with them, “That book so interesting it mutes your hearing?” He asks, voice boarding on teasing as you look up at him a few meters from you.

You smile and shrug, “It’s a good book.”

Rafe cocks a brow, coming to a standstill in front of you as locks down upon you.

“That good book better than my presence?” He asks, and some part of you sighs in relief at his calm demeanour and undiluted pupils.

“Not a chance.” You say, holding your hands out for Rafe to pull you up and as he does he picks you up into a tight hug and spins the both of you around as you squeal in delight.

It's one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

“Come on baby, please.” Rafe pleads with you, hands tugging at the waistband of your pants in the country club bathroom as you give him a pointed look.

“Not here Rafe.” You say softly as he groans, head on your shoulder.

“We’ve done it here before.” He says in response, lips suckling on your neck as you laugh, gently prying him away from you.

“Yeah, when we weren’t at a business party with your father here.” Rafe then stands to his full height, his jaw ticking and your stomach immediately drops at the quick shift in demeanour.

“My father’s never seemed to bother you before.” He says, referring to the abundant amount of times the two of you have fucked in the house while Ward was just downstairs.

You sigh softly, “We’re at a business party, baby, I promise when we get home-“

Rafe withdraws his hands from you and runs one through his bangs, “Whatever.” He mutters, moving swiftly toward the bathroom door as you reach out for him.

“Rafe, talk to me, what’s wrong?” The boy in question turn his head and rolls his eyes.

“What’s wrong is my girl is more interested in my father than me.” He says simply, shrugging as he goes “I didn’t even wanna fuck anyway, you make it to much work.”

And like a child who’d been refused his favourite toy, Rafe leaves you stood there swallowing the all too familiar lump in your throat.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Instead it's one step forward and three steps back

Rafe had been giving you the silent treatment since you’d gotten to Tanny hill, only exchanging a grunt in response to you when you placed a kiss to his head as you sat beside him.

Your mind was raking over whatever it is you’d done wrong as you sit on his bed, anxiously waiting for him to come off of the phone to see if he’d talk to you.

You’d be a fool to yourself if you said this wasn’t a regular occurrence, Rafe constantly gave you the silent treatment in response to something.

And then he’d act like you were stupid for thinking such things.

You’re mind couldn’t pin point a thing you’d done wrong nor could it pin point anything you’d said wrong.

You should know by now that this is Rafe’s way, when he’s annoyed at everyone else he takes it out on you. When he doesn’t want to face his own emotions he pushed them onto you so you can face them. Like his own personal punching bag, you should know it’s not your fault yet you feel like it is every time.

When Rafe re emerges from the balcony, he lies down on the bed beside you as you remain sat up trying to find the courage to ask him the question that often leads to him essentially biting your head off.

“Are you mad at me?” You blurt out, turning to look at Rafe who sighs loudly in annoyance.

“Not this shit again.” He groans, rubbing a hand over his face as you fiddle with your fingers.

“I- you just seem quiet today s’all.” You point out and you can predict Rafe’s response before he even says it.

“What? I can’t be quiet now? It’s all good when you wanna be quiet but when it’s me I’m suddenly mad at you?” He asks rhetorically as you shrug half heartedly, avoiding his gaze as he sighs again bringing himself to a sitting position as he places his chin on your shoulder.

“Stop asking me stupid shit, a’ight?” He says and all you can do is nod numbly.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

As youre walking out of Tanny Hill, face wet with tears due to another screaming match with Rafe, a voice calls out your name from behind you.

You’re quick to wipe your cheeks when you realise it isn’t Rafe, it’s Sarah.

You turn, forcing a smile onto your face as she approaches you, and by the look on her face you know she heard.

“Hey Sare, everything good?” You ask, voice hoarse due to the amount of shouting and crying you’d done.

“I should ask you that, are you okay?” She says softly, brown eyes so kind that your heart nearly breaks to think of how much anger her brother’s blue ones hold.

“You heard, huh?” You ask, watching as she nods, “Look, he- he’s just had a long day and-“

“Y/n, he’s always either had a long day or he’s had a fight with our dad, that doesn’t justify the way he treats you.” She states, deja vu hitting you remembering the similar conversation the two of you had but in that conversation she’d been cautious with what she’d said to you but it was obvious now that caution had gone out of the window.

You stand silently, biting your lip as you look at your former friend “But he loves me.” You whisper, as if that justifies anything.

Sarah’s face breaks out in so much empathy that you swear you can hear both of your hearts break, “Love isn’t supposed to be that hard.” She says and you suck in a harsh breath, “He does love you but…not in the way you deserve.”

Tears roll down your cheeks once more as you respond, “How am I supposed to know what I deserve? I’ve never known anyone else’s love apart from his.”

Sarah immediately brings you into her arms, hugging you so tightly that you have no choice but to let yourself fall into the embrace.

Yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy

I don't understand

You and Rafe sit silently together at one of Rose’s infamous parties, your eyes trained intently on both Sarah and John B as the Routledge boy spins her around whilst watching her with such a lovesick expression that it makes your stomach churn.

You don’t think Rafe has ever looked at you in such a way.

Not even Ward argued with the fact that Sarah was dating a Pogue, JB was so fiercely in love with his daughter that everyone with eyes could see it. He worshipped the ground she walked on making you come to realisation that Rafe had never been that way with you.

Your head turns to said boy as you speak up, “Do you love me?” You ask, making Rafe slowly turn his head toward you in return, the motion slow due to how high he is.

You don’t think he’s been sober properly since you got together, and you know he won’t be sober any time soon.

You’d helped him in every way you could, he threw it all back into your face.

He needed to figure his shit out for himself now.

“You really asking me stupid shit again?” He asks harshly, yet this time, you don’t waver in your response and you chose to ignore the lump in your throat.

“It’s a simple question, Rafe.” You state calmly, eyes twinkling with such a small amount of hope for whatever thread is hanging on in yours and Rafe’s relationship.

Rafe simply stares at you, as though he can’t bring himself to say the words he’s always eager to say when he wants to get you into bed.

You nod, hope dying out as the thread finally snaps and you unlatch the necklace he’d given you, signifying you breaking free of the prison he’d had you in for over a year.

“I hope you get better Rafe, but I don’t think you’re ever going to do that when you’re with me, I don’t want to be the thing that takes on all your shitty emotions…you need to face them for yourself.” You say, gently prying apart his clenched palm and placing the necklace there before you stand up.

Rafe is quick to follow, calling out for you as you walk away, ignoring the multiple gazes on you and the attention drawn toward you at Rafe’s desperate shouts.

Somewhere in the crowd, Sarah and John B watch with small smiles, happy you’d finally made the first step for yourself.

No, I don't understand

Two weeks later and you’re sat on the front porch at the Chateau, hair flowing softly in the morning breeze as you watch the sunrise.

Rafe had been non stop texting you during the duration of your split, words of love and hatred that you still couldn’t begin to understand no matter how hard you tried.

You did come to the realisation that he’d never even allowed you to understand him, despite how hard you’d tried.

He’d attempted to come to your house but you’d made the wise decision to crash at John B’s, rekindling your friendship with the Pogues as they welcomed you with open arms. Eyes filled with immense guilt for not realising how bad things had gotten with you and Rafe but also with so much love that you’d felt overwhelmed, you didn’t realise such love still existed.

You smile softly to yourself, eyes dancing over the colours coating the sky and you decided things would be okay.

You’d be okay.

[bloodlinesgirly]

Guilty Conscience 1

Roman’s job is to protect people…but not like this, will lilith open the flood gates to her past and possibly destroy her own future? or will roman be the one to keep her from it?.

roman reigns x OC (lilith)

A/N: just something i wrote to get me out of this lil slump ive been in. this is my first AU so please bear with me!! i understand this might be hard to follow but i promise it will straighten out through the next few chapters! banner made by me also

word count: 1.7k

warnings: family trauma, violence, drug usuage, possible smut, restraints(ropes,blind folds), shadows to kidnapping, death

please let me know your thoughts!

“Get away from me!” Liliths screams broke through the silence of the dark home; it’s cold and empty, bare of any sense of love or family.

“You know you can’t stay here. Your father is getting suspicious." The tall man spoke, his grip searing into Lilith's bicep as he pulled her back.

“So let me go home.” She sobbed and thrashed against his grip, wincing at the bruises.

“You know I can’t do that either.” he growled. He pulled the strip of cloth that was once wrapped around his fingers around her eyes; the already dark room was now completely shadowless. This had been Lilith’s life for almost 5 years now. The day she turned 18, she was ripped from her home and her freedom; every couple months she would be met by the masked man who took her from one “hiding place” to another. The man never changed; he never gave out information and never allowed her to see him. She knew her father did things he wasn’t proud of, but he always protected her. So why was she taken from him?

-15 years ago-

“Lilly, you know your mother is a bad woman. She doesn’t care about you like I do, and she never will.” Levi spoke to his daughter softly. He muffled her cries with his shoulder. This has become a nightly occurrence, Lilith asking about her mother and why she was no longer allowed to speak to her.

“I don’t understand, Daddy." The 8-year-old whispered. Her eyes were bloodshot. Levi stroked the back of her head.

“You don’t need to. You just need to know that she's someone you don’t need. You have me; I'm the only one you need.” Lilith smiled a little as Levi hugged her tightly.

“Do you understand that, baby?” he whispered.

“I think so,” Lilith nodded.

“good. Now go to bed; I'll see you in the morning.” He ruffled her hair and left, closing Lilith's bedroom door. As soon as she heard the lock click, she rushed to her dresser. The baby pink drawers were littered with stickers and doodles she had made. The bottom drawer consisted of a letter from her mother filled with words she never got the chance to understand. Why is her dad keeping her mom away from her? Why did her mom tell her she’d always be protecting her if her dad says she’s the one she needs protection from? Liliths eyes filled with tears. She’s overwhelmed and confused. Everything has changed, and nothing feels normal.

-present day-

“Why are you still doing this?” Lilith's small frame was encased by the man’s larger one. His fingers worked diligently at tying her hands behind her back. Her cries sent shivers down his spine. His heart broke for the girl, but this was his job. He knew what he was signing up for when the offer approached him so many years ago. Roman has been a bodyguard for a long time. but never like this. sneaking a poor girl around the country, keeping her from the relationships he knew she needed and the information she cried for. He’s stayed strong for so long; the more time passes, the more guilt he faces and the more his heart shatters. He was protecting her from what was behind the closed doors of her broken family, and he knew that. But the door is cracking; he is cracking; it’s been 5 years of this. How much longer can he keep her from it? How long can he keep his identity sealed?

Roman took a deep breath to steady himself, adjusting the mask that sat upon his face.

“I’m trying to help you.” He spoke quietly.

“That’s what you always say. You’re not trying to help me; you ruined my life. You ruined me! Where’s my dad? He always protected me. What did you do to him?!” lilith screamed. Her voice echoed through the halls, and the hurt in her voice stained Roman’s mind. It’s something he would never be able to forget.

“I’m the one protecting you... whether you know it or not.” Roman never spoke to her much during these transports, afraid of letting her in, revealing too much. Throughout the years, he’s found himself connected to her in a way he never thought possible. Yes, it was his job to keep her safe. Keep her tucked away from the world in areas of his own safekeeping. But it’s more than that now; he’d do anything to keep her out of danger; he’d never forgive himself for putting her through all of this and then allowing the doors to open, exposing her to the tragedy, the lies, and most importantly, the pain that not only infected her past but slowly seeped into her future.

Lilith's mind raced as she felt herself hit the seats of the van. the same van she’s been familiar with for the last 5 years, she could describe every corner, every crack in the leather seats, to every paper that lay scattered on the floorboard. But when it came to the man driving, she knew almost nothing. not his face, his eye color, or even his name. But she knew the sound of his baritone voice, his stern tone, and the way every once in a while he almost sounded sorry. She knew the way he smelled as his arms wrapped around her thrashing body as he restrained her. She could sometimes even recognize his footsteps. Roman secured her to the seat and tightened her blindfold before walking around to the driver's seat. The leather squeaked with his weight. The van always smelt of evergreen; that never changed. Roman’s foot hit the petal, and they were off; the ride was silent. that never changed either.

Transport has become the only constant in Lilith's life. They always went the same; she was taken... She fought, she lost... She got in a car. drove for hours. welcome "home". “Home” only ever lasted for a few months, a small house tucked away, a bed, clothes she never got to enjoy out, and a stocked kitchen. Roman would come every once in a while to restock, but other than that, she was alone, locked in a place that held nothing but fear.

Lilith had lost track of how long they had been driving before the noise started. screeching metal, breaking the hours-long silence along with the rattling of the van. Her eyebrows furrowed and her breath picked up; her chest heaved as the noise grew louder. Lilith's wrists were red and raw from pulling at the rope that tied her; her yanking became frantic.

“stop that.” Roman said shortly. His mask was pulled up on his head now, and he ran his hand down his face, trying to figure out the noise. Finally, the car stalled. Roman pumped the gas and tried turning the key again. To no avail, the van wasn’t going to start.

“dammit!” His voice boomed. Lilith flinched as his fist hit the wheel. She heard the car door open and shut and knew Roman had stepped out. He walked around the truck to the hood, coughing a little due to the smoke that emitted from it. As he fumbled around the parts, Lilith still worked at the rope, rutting her head against the seat in an attempt to remove the blindfold. She had gotten it almost above her ears before she felt a hand steady her wrists and stop her.

“lilith.” Roman growled. He looked closely at her wrist; the rope was blistering. “You’re hurting yourself. stop." he spoke. Lilith didn’t respond; instead, she slumped down in her seat.

“We’re stuck for a while; might as well get comfortable.” Lilith gasped as he loosened the rope; Roman had never allowed her even the littlest bit of freedom on their drives.

“T-thanks,” Lilith spoke for the first time in hours. Her voice was gravelly and strained.

“Someone’s on their way to get us moving again.” While Roman was outside, he had made a call to one of the few people aware of these transports. For safety reasons, Roman was the only one to have contact with Lilith. No one else was allowed access to her whereabouts or even to her identification. Of course, some people were aware of the arrangement, but none of them knew anything more.

“You’ll sit in the trunk when he arrives... until then sit tight.”

The silence was heavy; the only thing that could be heard were the eratic sounds of Lilith's breaths contrasting with Roman’s calm ones.

“What’s your name?” Lilith questioned, her voice almost a whisper.

“I can’t tell you that.” roman sighed. Roman and Lilith had never been together this long before; he would make the drive, drop her off, and go wherever it was he went afterwards. never leaving time for curiosity and questions about himself. Lilith hesitated before responding.

“I hate you,” her voice quivered.

“I understand that.” Roman answered shortly. He was scared she would keep pushing. He knew he could only hold out for so long before he said too much.

“please.” As Lilith spoke, Roman watched a tear roll down her rose-tinted cheek. He stayed silent.

“It’s all I’m asking of you; you’ve taken everything from me, and you can't even give me that.” She raised her voice slightly. She was shaking; Roman could tell she was scared of him, scared of what he might do even though he’s never tried to punish her.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he grumbled. “I didn’t take anything from you. I don’t care what you think, but that wasn’t me.” Roman wished she could believe him... selfishly and unrealistically, he hoped one day she could understand. He could hear a car rumbling its way up the baron road they were stalled on. He began to tighten the ropes once again and move Lilith to the trunk, where she would stay until the car was running again.

“Roman,” he spoke. His breath caught in his throat as soon as the words left him, as if he couldn’t control it. “That’s my name.” he mumbled. All Lilith could do was nod. It’s taken 5 years, but maybe finally, she was slowly cracking through those doors on her own. She was going to free herself from all of this, no matter what it took.

[frozenjokes]

CuteGuy Would Prefer Greatly If HotGuy Never Ever Had Any Nice Things, But Especially Not His Good Friend And Roommate Cubfan135 (3/3)

prev

this part ended up much darker than the first two, related to Grian’s mental state after the cut. He thinks and says things he does not mean or want, so please check the ao3 link for the content warnings.

Grian gave himself a few days to recover after his fight with HotGuy, too sore to do much else than sit at his laptop and send out job applications; something he should have been doing anyway, but looking for work with a criminal record was nothing short of demoralizing. So what if he had a history of violence- so did everyone in this damn town, only some people were better at running from the police.

At least Cub was always around to help, sending links for possible options and filling out applications at his side; honestly, Grian wouldn’t be able to accomplish half of what he did without Cub’s help. Even then, the process of writing and waiting was stressful, and Grian was never good under pressure. Anxiety made him restless and restlessness made him lash out, and he didn’t want to lash out, not at anyone who didn’t deserve it.

So he gathered his things as the sun set, comforted, at least for now, by the idea of release. Maybe he’d catch a petty thief in the act, or spot some asshole from an earlier time- oh what he would give to get his talons on Cub’s shitty manager, but that was off limits, especially now. Regardless, it would only create more work for Cub in the long run, and Grian wasn’t trying to cause him any more grief.

Cub was.. pretty down after the night with HotGuy. He hadn’t gone out once besides to work, and while he wasn’t visibly upset, he was distracted, and just a tad clingier. Cub needed a lot of downtime, and usually he spent that time alone, but in the past few days he lingered in the common area, and sometimes even Grian’s room if Grian hadn’t left it in a while. Grian never minded. It was nice to hang out like that, quiet, doing separate things, but doing them together. Though, it was much harder to squash the temptation of ‘Bother Cub Instead Of Working’ when Cub was right there.

Grian wouldn’t have it any other way. He just wished he could help Cub feel better.. Especially when it was at least partially his fault Cub was so down in the first place.

He didn’t know exactly what Cub and HotGuy had been texting about, but it was clear enough that Cub was pretty upset. Grian didn’t fully understand why; was it really such a big deal to fight, even if it was staged? Was it the being misled? Now, Grian didn’t want Cub to have anything to do with HotGuy, but this didn’t feel good either, especially when he had a part to play. If Cub knew it was Grian behind the mask, would he be just as upset that Grian had gone through that much effort just to try and force a rift between them? Well, in fairness, Cub would definitely be more concerned with Grian having a supervillain alter ego, but that wasn’t- it didn’t matter.

Still, he felt guilty.

It was guilt that stopped Grian at the front door when Cub called his name. Guilt, that kept him home to watch a movie when Cub asked instead of going out like he desperately wanted to. And the next night, when Cub asked to play board games, and the next, when Cub told him simply he just didn’t want to be alone.

But the next night, over a week after the incident with HotGuy, Grian was too restless, too anxious, too stressed. He needed to leave, he needed to fly, he needed to hit something so he could just be normal again. So when Cub asked him to stay, Grian said no.

“Please.”

Grian hadn’t expected ‘please.’ He didn’t like ‘please.’ He didn’t like the way Cub said it at all. “I’m just going for a fly. We can play cards when I’m back.”

“Can’t you fly during the day? Doesn’t the sun feel better?” There was something too desperate about Cub’s tone, like his composure was just crumbling away. It was wrong. Grian felt his stomach turn.

“I like the cold. I like the moon. And it’s too busy during the day, I don’t have to pay as much attention in the dark.”

Cub wasn’t satisfied. “Grian, I want you to stay. I’m asking you to stay.”

“I-I know-“ Grian felt his own composure begin the crumble, his knees beginning to feel weak, “I just have to go, Cub. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

“You don’t have to.” Cub met his eyes, and saw directly through him. Grian could have thrown up.

“I need to,” he insisted, almost shrilly, but Cub did not budge, he didn’t understand.

And all at once, everything came crashing down. He was so stupid. He- Grian- This wasn’t about HotGuy at all! Cub didn’t care about HotGuy- they were barely even friends, and honestly, Cub had never been all that romantically inclined- Maybe he’d been angry with the hero, but that wasn’t why Cub had been staying home-

Cub saw the spiral behind Grian’s eyes, and the change was instant.

“Grian, come here, please. This isn’t- we can figure this out. I’m not angry with you, I promise I’m not angry. We’re going to figure this out.” Cub took a step forward, arms raised. Grian’s breathing hitched as he took a step back. He felt his hand tighten around the door knob. He saw Cub’s eyes flick to the spot, then freeze. “Don’t run.”

Grian was out the door faster than Cub could lunge to reach him, and even without wings, Grian was in far better shape, far faster, and they both knew it. Grian beat his wings violently, drowning out the sound of Cub’s voice calling his name. He needed to go. He needed to be away. He needed to run. He didn’t want to hear himself think.

…

High above the dappled city lights, the first bar with music loud enough to hear from the sky called his name. The lights were garish and red, the people loud and grating, and it was everything he needed to stop thinking forever. Maybe he could get a guy to buy him a drink, and really make some bad decisions. Panic heightened his delusion. He wanted to black out. Didn’t want to remember where he was when he woke up, or anything about the night before. He wanted to wake up in the woods miles away from town. He wanted to wake up in a stranger’s bed. He’d never had sex before. He hoped it would hurt.

Something like mania clouded his vision as he stumbled into the bar, or maybe it was the lights. It was crowded, so crowded, and people were bumping his arms and his wings as they danced and again he was sure he would vomit over the sensations. He needed more.

Grian reached half-blind for the first man he saw, grasping for contact he viscerally didn’t want. The hand his talons fell across was big, peppered with scars and adorned with dusty gray rings- the skin didn’t quite feel right, though the person attached to the arm turned when he was touched, distracting Grian with his large green eyes.

“Dance with me?” Grian heard himself say, and the man grinned, wide enough to swallow him whole.

“I’d love to!” He took Grian’s other hand, pulling him closer, and Grian pushed in, whether to avoid contact from others or drown himself in the stimulation of one man instead, he had no idea. The crowd shifted around them as they danced, loud and careless and sharp, everything was so sharp and they were touching his wings, they were touching his wings and he needed them to stop. He held the hands of the man he was with like a vice. His grip must have hurt, his claws surely, but his partner never reacted and never let go. Grian felt his mouth hang open as the crowd enveloped them both, choking on the proximity. Someone stumbled against his back and Grian wanted to die. He couldn’t get enough air. He couldn’t breathe.

Someone was speaking, but Grian couldn’t hear them over the music. Maybe he wasn’t listening at all. He had to keep dancing. The current song switched over to something new, and Grian wretched as the base shook his entire body. He was going to die. He felt himself being pulled and had no choice but to follow. People were talking. Someone was talking to him.

He didn’t remember leaving the crowd, but he must have, because he was sitting on a stool at the bar, and he could breathe again. He was holding something, something cold, and was disappointed to discover it was water. Fuck, he was thirsty. He drank the entire thing.

“Shots. I want shots,” someone said, and that someone turned out to be himself. “Whiskey. Or tequila. Yes, tequila.”

“Uh, no. I don’t think so,” someone annoying said, and the annoying voice belonged to a person with a very broken nose, whoa, wild, and hey this was the bad hands guy!

“I’m having a bad day. You should buy me tequila shots.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve had enough.”

“I haven’t had anything!”

“Then you’re either on hard drugs, or something is very wrong.”

“I’m sober!” Grian snapped, “And nothing’s wrong with me- nothing’s- you’re making this very hard on me, so if you won’t buy me something to drink, I’m going to go back to dancing.”

“Well, you’re shaking like a leaf and burst into tears while we were with the crowd, so I’m kinda thinking you’re not doing so hot. Honestly, I was surprised to even see an avian in a place like this- I was pretty sure you guys liked your personal space. Everyone’s different, I know, but still.”

Ah. That’s why he felt so wet. Hm. Bad Hands Man seemed to think for a moment, before waving the bartender over, which pleased Grian until he asked for another water.

“What’s your name, stranger?”

Grian considered not answering out of spite, but at the same time, he was still thirsty, and being annoying and having bad skin wasn’t a crime. “Grian. I’ve come up with my own name for you, but it’s not nice.”

Bad Hands Man snorted, the smile returning sharp on his face, “You can’t just say that and not tell me. Maybe I’ll like it.”

“Bad Hands. Because I hate touching you.” Bad Hands Man blinked a few times in rapid succession, which Grian found to be very satisfying, throwing him a smirk of his own before going to sip at his water.

“You know, I kind of want to be offended for several reasons, but I also kind of respect you for that. I don’t want to be called Bad Hands though, so give me a second to come up with something else.”

“Well I call you Bad Hands Man, not Bad Hands but- hey, what are you doing?” Grian hopped off his stool, poking his head over Bad Hands Man’s shoulder where he was scrolling on his phone through- baby names? “What- Do you not have a name?”

“Oh, I’ve got one, but you could be fae. I won’t risk it, no, no. Strangers get fake names. Occasionally, if I decide I like you enough, you’ll get my other fake name for good friends only.”

“What? When do I get to know your real name?”

“Hm. Suspicious.”

“I’m not suspicious! We live dead in the middle of the worst city in the world- there’s hardly a tree for miles! There are no fae here!”

“That sounds like something a faerie would say,” Bad Hands Man trilled, then laughed at Grian’s reddening face, “I’m joking, I’m joking. I’m not going to tell you my name though.”

“But I want to know! I- oh, is this a superhero thing? Are you just trying to cover yourself? Or are you one of the villains, and really trying to hide it.”

But Bad Hand Man’s lip curled at the mention of superheroes, and Grian had never respected someone so instantly in his entire life, “No. I wouldn’t be caught dead in all that riff-raff. The only reason I’m here is because, as you said, this city is cold and dead and devoid of all things green. They won’t catch me here.”

Grian stared for a moment, processing. “Whoa. You’re kinda nuts, aren’t you?”

“The same people that call me crazy give their names freely when strangers ask.”

“So.. everyone?”

“My point stands.”

“You know, I’m not sure if it does.”

“Well, do you want to help me pick a name? I’m thinking about something with an ‘M,’ take a look,” Bad Hands Man showed Grian his phone, and Grian very much did want to do that, so he paid close attention while Bad Hands Man scrolled slowly.

“Micah. I’ll call you Micah.”

Micah looked pleased, nodding in his approval. “Is there a reason? I’m just curious, I like to know why people pick the names they do.”

“My-cah!”

“Mycah!”

“My-cah!”

Micah broke the back and forth, laughing, though Grian could have gone for hours, “So what’s the reason then?”

“I like the way it sounds.”

“Oh! Guess I could have figured that out on my own, couldn’t I?” Micah chuckled, and Grian Looked at him for what felt like the first time. He was handsome, really, in most senses of the word. His hair was relatively short and pulled back into what was quite frankly, a silly little ponytail. He had glasses too, but even despite the harsh light in his eyes, Grian was pretty sure they didn’t have lenses. His outfit was fun, his dark top cropped to an almost ridiculous degree, while his pants were red like his glasses, floral patterned, and little too short on him, but cute. Grian cringed inwardly at what he must be looking like right now; a total mess certainly, feathers probably all puffed up and hair wind-blown to hell. Well! If Micah hadn’t abandoned ship already, Grian might still have a chance here.

“I!” Grian began, holding himself a little higher, “Think you’re cute.” He preened, pleased with his grand show of affection, more so when he opened an eye and saw Micah smiling.

“Thanks. This is a new outfit, a little different from what I’m used to, but I kinda like it. Usually I show a bit more chest and less stomach, so this is honestly a bit weird for me. Good though. I’m always looking for a little change.”

“Well I definitely wouldn’t say you’re hiding too much when it comes to the chest.”

“You think it’s too much? Maybe it doesn’t leave much to the imagination, but that doesn’t bother me.”

“No! Not too much at all! I like it! I like you.”

“I’m glad,” Micah looked away, the smile falling just slightly. With some distress, Grian wondered what he was doing wrong. This was how this was supposed to work, wasn’t it? Was he forgetting something? A bead of mangled frustration crept through, a reminder of the pain, the fear, of the desperate need to run. He needed this. He needed this to work.

“I want to go home with you,” Grian was painfully aware of how breathless he sounded, a result of his hiking heart rate.

“Grian..” Micah began, but Grian couldn’t handle the gentle rejection on his tone, he needed to be better, more desirable-

“You could have your way with me. You could do whatever you want.” Pathetically, he felt like crying. He needed this so badly and he was losing, he just couldn’t stop losing.

“Grian, no. Stop this.” Micah was firm, and Grian felt like shattering.

“Please.”

“You’re not well. Where do you live? We could walk, or I could call you a taxi. You need to go home, okay? This place isn’t good for you. Is there anyone I could call? Anyone who could pick you up?”

“No!” The sound ripped out of his throat with a wretched sob, “I have nowhere to go. I have no money- I have nowhere to go.” Just like that, everything was wrong again, everything was awful. Why did this have to be so hard? What would it take for him to just be normal, to stop being so hopelessly angry all of the time?

“Hey, Grian, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. Let’s go outside, alright? Let’s go outside.

“It’s not okay-“

“Breathe with me. Breathe. Can I take you outside? Can I touch you?”

“Don’t- not my hands.”

“Can I touch your sweater?

“Touch-“ Grian pulled in a strangled breath, but he just couldn’t keep the air in, “Yes- The sweater.”

“The sweater’s okay?”

“Yes.”

Grian was painfully aware of his hands, of his wings, of his skin, as Micah guided him along, cringing at the attention Micah brought when he loudly cleared the way, but also grateful for the lack of accidental brushes against his feathers. He didn’t think he could take it. He didn’t think he could survive.

The nighttime air was a massive relief, and Grian managed to take his first real breath through heaving lungs. There was a bench right outside, and Grian all but collapsed onto it, burying his head in his hands and curling inward. It was too much. It was just too much.

He didn’t look up when Micah spoke.

“My place isn’t far from here. I have a spare bedroom, and the door locks from the inside. You could use it, if you want, for however long you need. My work is unpredictable, and I can’t promise I'll be home much, but maybe that’s better for you. There’s not much to eat there right now but- I can grab groceries tomorrow morning. You don’t need to tell me anything, or pay me- it doesn’t matter. I don’t want you on the streets tonight, okay?

Grian didn’t know what to do with that. He barely processed any of it.

“I promise you’re going to be okay. You’ll be safe.”

He didn’t like that promise. No one could know what was going to happen to him. What might become of him. But damn if Grian didn’t want to believe it. To collapse and curl up and feel a little less like everything was falling apart.

“Okay,” he managed, his voice little more than a whimper, “I’ll go.”

[fangirleaconmigo]

I LOVE Uncle Lambert & Ciri gen fics, and think far, far, too much about the trials, so when this prompt went up on twitter almost three months ago on @ / witcherprompts:

Summary: Book or game canon: Ciri asks Lambert why the laboratory doors are locked and if that’s why she can’t be a full witcher

I've been thinking about it ever since. And so I have finally written my 'Uncle Lambert and Ciri talk about the trials' fic.

It's on ao3 and I've put it below.

------

Ciri was hurt. Geralt rarely spoke to her that way. Angry. Gruff. 

“I know you aren’t telling me the truth. Why can’t you just tell me?!” She shoved her choppy fringe out of her face. It wasn’t quite long enough to tuck neatly behind her ear, so it flopped back into her eyes. “Being a witcher isn’t just the pendulum. I know that, I’m not stupid.”

Geralt drew in a breath and let it out with a slow hiss. When he spoke again, he gritted each word out through his teeth. “I’ve told you the basement laboratories are off limits. I’ve told you a hundred times. And yet?” He stood slowly from the table, where his lunch sat uneaten. He held up a butter knife. The evidence of her bad behavior glinted at her obnoxiously. “I find you trying to jimmy a lock?”

“But--”

“Go to your room, Cirilla,” he barked. “I won’t ask again. And if I find you down in the basement one more time, you’ll be locked in your room til spring.”

Ciri was not ready to concede. Eskel, Coën and Lambert sat at a nearby table. She accosted Cöen with wide, pleading green eyes. He was the soft touch.

“Coën.”

But he only smiled gently. “I’ll come up and play with you later, Ciri. Do as you're told.”

She tried Eskel next. He always followed Geralt’s lead but it was worth a try. “Eskel.” He just rubbed his scars and kept his eyes carefully trained on Geralt. That was a dead end. 

Things were getting exceedingly dire. She turned to Lambert.

“You heard him, princess,” Lambert growled, his tone brooking no argument.

She set her lips in a hard line. “If you were me, Lambert, you wouldn’t like it either. You would want to be told the truth. You wouldn’t want to be lied to and treated like an idiot.”

She expected Lambert to shout at her too. But he looked stunned. She knew she had gone too far. She stormed out fast, before Geralt could reproach her.  

Ciri lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling all afternoon. She alternated between feeling guilty and feeling righteous. She planned her apology to Geralt. Then she marshaled her best arguments hoping to demand an apology from him. But the longer Geralt took to visit her, the more her resolve began to crumble. 

Coën came up for a bit, but he refused to talk about Geralt. He played jacks with her and brought her bread and cheese before he went back to his evening chores. 

The night wore on and she knew they would have eaten dinner, and they would be breaking out the white gull now. Ciri loved sneaking down to the hall during the late evening, when they sat around the fire, deep in their cups. Their eyes shone and they smiled easily. They patted each other on the shoulders and told stories. They held adult conversations that she would not normally be allowed to hear. 

She wanted to sneak down there now. But she didn’t want Geralt to shout at her again. She always felt so brave in his presence. But as soon as she was alone, the fear caved in on her. But now he was angry with her. Perhaps more than she understood.

Just as the tears began to well up in her eyes, footfalls sounded in the hall. She drew in a soft sharp breath. Then, feeling overwhelmed with happiness, relief, anxiety, and guilt all at once, she squeezed her eyes closed. She would pretend to be asleep.

The door creaked open, and the footfalls neared her bed. Then there was the sound of someone plopping into the chair next to her bed and sighing. It was not Geralt.

“You aren’t fooling anyone, princess. If you’re asleep, then I’m a unicorn.”

Her eyes jerked open. “Lambert.”

It was dim in the room, but she saw him staring back at her without saying a word. She slowly pulled herself up to a sitting position. 

“Um. I’m sorry I said that to you. I didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah you did.”

She chewed the inside of her cheek. “Yes. I did. And I still do.”

He settled deeper into the chair with a tired sigh. She waited long moments for him to speak again.

“You were right. I wouldn’t like it either. When I was your age...well...I woulda done a whole lot worse than stamp out of a room when I was hot under the collar. But if you expect him to change his mind, you’re wrong. He isn’t going to talk to you about it.”

“Why not? 

He leaned forward and rubbed his face. The candle by her bed had burned down, and the little light there was, played across his eyes. They looked like they glowed in the half light.

“That’s how he is.”

“But I’m not stupid.” Her fire was back. “I know something else happened to make you all witchers. The way Triss got angry about the herbs you gave me? And then the laboratory being off limits? And he won’t explain it to me. All he does is shout!”

Lambert looked at her carefully. He was quiet for a long moment and his glazed eyes were seeing things Ciri could only guess at. Finally he spoke, in a careful voice, softer than she had ever heard him speak. “Cut him some slack, Ciri. He never had anyone to show him how to be a father. We’re all...we’re all proud of how well he’s doing. But he isn’t perfect. No one is. But that’s why we’re here to help him. Right? Can you do that?”

Ciri huffed, feeling rather petulant. Why did they all think of Geralt, and not her? “But what about me? Why won’t he let me in? Is it because I’m a girl? Because that doesn’t matter. I’m doing so well in training, even you say so. Aren’t I good enough?”

“Oh, princess.” He sounded tired. She was not dissuaded.

“I want eyes like yours, Lambert. I want to be like you. And Geralt. And Eskel, and Vesemir, and Coën. I want to do whatever you all did. Then Geralt will think I am a real witcher.”

“Look at me, Ciri.”

She looked at him, the expression of accusation unmoving on her features. She crossed her arms.

“This,” he pointed at his eyes, “isn’t an award. It’s torture. We would never. And I mean never do such a thing to you, Cirilla. Do you understand? Do you understand that? We would never let anyone harm you, ever.”

They thought she was a baby. “I don’t care. I could do it. I want to do it.”

“Do you want to know a secret, Ciri? One that no one wants to speak inside these walls?”

Ciri fell silent. A secret was a true honor. “What?”

Lambert leaned forward, meeting her eyes intensely, almost defiantly. “The trials aren’t necessary to make a witcher.”

Ciri scoffed. “Yes they are!”

Lambert did not waver. His voice was firm, and laced with anger, though she knew the anger was not directed at her. “No, princess. They aren’t. They are just needless torture. A waste. They are more painful than you can imagine, and they kill most of the boys they perform them on. Just babies Ciri. Dead. And it’s for nothing.”

“No.” She could not believe it. “No one would do that. Not if it was for nothing.”

“Yes. They would.”

“But why?”

“Because mages don’t give a fuck about foundlings with no one to look after them. And so instead of going through the time and expense of finding a better test to identify those with abilities, they killed most of us. Just to find out fast and cheap.”

Ciri’s breath blew out, stunned by the casual cruelty. The murder of so many children. Suddenly, she could see Geralt as a boy. Lambert. Cöen. Eskel. Terrified like her. But instead of being protected, being harmed and mistreated.

She hadn’t really thought of them as people who were kids once, just as grown ups who took care of her. She pulled the covers up around her neck, stunned by her realization. Her world felt turned upside down for the millionth time in her short life.

“Then what makes a witcher?” Her voice was tiny. Lambert’s face changed. It was like a curtain opening. He looked at her as though she were precious. 

“We do, Ciri. We do. When we go out there and do our jobs. When we do our jobs and aren’t paid. When we do our jobs and are paid. When people thank us. When they don’t thank us. When they hate us. When they love us. When we have nowhere else to go but here. When no one else will take us in but us. We are Witchers, Ciri, because we say so. And you are one of us. You are Kaer Morhen’s very first witcher girl.”

Ciri’s hand darted out and she wrapped her smaller fingers around Lambert’s larger, rougher one. She didn’t know what to say. Her chest ached. But it was a good ache. It was the first time she felt like she had a home since she watched her grandma’s body sail down from the parapet.

Lambert cleared his throat. “I’m hard on you, girl. I know it. And I’ll keep being hard on you. That’s because I want you to be safe, and because I know you can do it. If I really thought you were too soft and spoiled to learn our trade, I wouldn’t bother with you. Or I’d give you a stick and let you swing it around like a lunatic and just say, oh good job, Princess, bang up job.”

Ciri giggled.

Lambert squeezed her hand, and pressed a quick kiss to it. Then he stood up with a groan. “Fuck. Gettin old. Alright.” He leaned down and mussed her hair. “Cut your old man some slack, girl. Aren’t queens supposed to show their peasants mercy?”

Ciri giggled again. “I will try.”

“Good.” He started towards the door, then he turned as though he had forgotten something. Ciri’s eyes had adjusted now, so she could see his shadowy form and make out his features. “Ciri. I’ll tell you another secret.”

“What? What is it?”

Lambert looked around the room, then at her, as though he was deciding whether to tell her. His face looked flushed from white gull, but it formed into resolve. “I wanna open them,” he said, “the way you. I wanna open the doors to the lab.”

“You do?”

“I do. Only unlike you, I want to burn them, and everything in them to cinders.”

Ciri pushed herself up on her elbows and stared. Lambert always did exactly what he wanted. The thought that he was denying himself something confused her. “Then why don’t you?”

Lambert rubbed his whiskers, in a gesture that looked a lot like Eskel. “Because,” he sighed, “he needs them to be closed, and so I leave them closed because that is what love is. So no matter what I think, if you get those doors open against his will, I’ll tan your hide myself. I won’t wait for his permission to discipline you. I hope you know I’m not blowing hot air. I’ll do it.”

Ciri nodded silently, chastened by his honesty.

He shut the door behind him and Ciri listened to his footsteps fade.

She was almost asleep when she heard footsteps again. The door creaked open, and Geralt stood over her with a small plate and a mug.

He didn’t say a word when she sat up and gobbled down the treats. He just waited patiently then smiled and wiped the jam off her nose.

He didn’t say anything about what had happened, and neither did she. He just climbed into bed with her and opened his arms. She leaned her head on his broad shoulders.

“Tell me a story, Geralt. Tell me the one you told me the day we met in Brokilon.”

Geralt smiled at some far off memory. “The one you listened to so well? I was so proud of you when you scurried up that tree like a little creature.”

She smiled so big, her cheeks were sore. “Yes. That one. The cat and the fox.”

He gathered her into his arms and squeezed. “Alright. At your command, little witcher girl.”

[raynblaze]

Lucy’s Return

Lucy led the rest of the Wolfrik family back to their home in Moonwood Mill. Lucy shared one last hug with her sister-in-law, Ivy, and promised that she would be there to protect the family. 

"I'm right down the road if you need anything, Ivy." Lucy assured her. "Tell Arya not to stress herself out too much, we have to make plans later on."

Rory and Lux decided that they would patrol the streets and go back to their hangout, while Lou and Ronan had already went back to the warehouse that they called home in preparation for Lucy's return. They both already heard the news through a letter sent out, but it would still not be any easier to deal with once Lucy arrives.

Lucy walked through the door and saw them both quietly standing there. She could tell Lou had been crying, either that or he smoked too much. But the moment she saw him, she couldn't hold back the tears any longer. She had been keeping it together the best she could for her family, trying to control her emotions. When Lucy feels something, she feels it with every fiber in her body. So holding back from the feelings she felt was harder than ever.  She wanted to put on a strong face while returning the family to Moonwood Mill, but the truth is she felt regret, guilt, fear, and sadness all at once.

"Oh, Lou!" Lucy started to sob uncontrollably and ran into his arms almost knocking him over. "What a mess we made. This is all my fault...isn't it? He's gone because of my dumb past mistakes!"

Lou lets go of her for a moment and looks Lucy in her eyes.

"Don't ever say that, babe! Nobody could ever predict that would happen! Lucan went on his own accord and Victoria made her own decisions, weather you raised her or not!" Lou held her again as Lucy was still crying, tears streaming down her face. Ronan was in the same room watching his mother's devastation. Lucy had always been present in his life, but he knew she felt guilty about his other siblings that were raised by others.

"Don't beat yourself up, Lucy. I'm not father of the year, ya know. Ronan here probably things I'm a loser, and my daughter definitely does."

Ronan looked up with a puzzled expression on his face.

 "No way! You're the best dad ever and I see how much you love mom. I bet if Lyanna sees how you turned out she would be proud!"

"Thanks, son."

Lucy was still crying but she started to calm down. Hearing her son and husband get along so well filled her with hope and joy. She wanted so badly to have a normal, happy family without everyone fighting each other. She knew that she did something right with Farkas and Ronan, at least.

"I love you guys so much." Lucy finally said. "Are you guys hungry? I'll go hunt for us if you want. I know there's no food here."

"I'll go, mom. You did enough for now, why don't you get some rest." Ronan said.

"I don't want want you go alone." Lucy was still scared to lose anymore of her family, even if her son did hunt on his own plenty of times before.

"I'll get Rory to go with me, ok? Don't worry mom, I'm on full alert."

Lou and Lucy stayed at the house and spent a little more time together. Lou knew he needed to give Lucy his full attention, and give her all the love he could. She relied on him for comfort, and knew she could let herself be vulnerable around him. Lou was able to make Lucy laugh for the first time in weeks, and she was so happy that she was able to come home to him and be in his arms again, after everything that has happened.

Lou likes to tickle Lucy to make her smile. "There's those canines that I like to see!" Lou says to Lucy, smiling back at her. "I knew my smiley girl was there somewhere. I know how else to make you feel better..." Lucy raised her eyebrows at Lou. "Oh, really?"

Lucy needed this. Lou always knows how to make her feel better, especially with his tongue.

[i-hope-youre-hopeful]

From August 17th, 2022

Let’s try to organize some thoughts

So I felt like I was doing wrong by talking to Hunter, so I said no, so I felt miserable, so I said yes, so I feel guilty. So it goes. I think Sydney is right, that if this was right it would be easier. But I also think I put too much stock in the “right one” versus the “wrong ones.” There is probably not one specific person out there destined for me, and I need to stop panicking that I’ve found the wrong one. This is okay. It’s not perfect and you’re not perfect but that’s okay. You are going to do your best. The goal is just a successful relationship. Any relationship is successful as long as it is either healthy and beneficial for both parties, or if it is ended as peaceably as possible and you grow from it. What’s wrong?

He’s not a Christian.

He’s really young.

He smokes.

He doesn’t always have my humor.

I’ve seen too much too soon.

I feel like I need to hide.

Do I have time for a boy?

Okay. I need to be clear that I’m not commuting to anything. I am seeing how this turns out. I am going on a date and we will talk and discuss. I feel most comfortable when things are pragmatically and methodically discussed. So we will have some discussions. I need to be clear that my hope is that someday I will marry someone who is a Christian. I am willing to try this out and see if this would work, but also I would like to have more talks about religion. I need to figure out and set very clear boundaries. I am not your girlfriend just yet. I don’t like PDA. Maybe take hanging out just like, a tiny step back. Like. Keep your pants on bro. We are interviewing each other. I don’t want my friends to be weird about anything, just be normal. I am scared and I feel dreadful a great deal of the time.

Maybe come to church with me sometime. Do some reading. Some researching. He’s mature for his age, genuinely. He’s good at communication and he’s very sensitive to others. I don’t care if you vape bro just maybe don’t smoke around my family/church/etc. be respectful. Time will tell on the humor. He’s only really made me laugh a handful of times, but every time I’ve seen him I’ve been rather distressed. That may change. He needs to understand my priorities are my job, then school, then family, then him, then friends. I will do my best but if that doesn’t end up being enough for him then that’s okay. I need to be methodical and know exactly what I want and what my goal is. What he wants and what his goal is.

I fluctuate wildly between wanting this to be over and wanting it to never end. I feel fear and guilt and excitement and happiness. Right now I’m calm and happy. Catch me in the morning, it’ll be different. He’s so gentle and caring. He wants to love and be loved so badly. He’s considerate and patient and communicative. He’s optimistic and easygoing. I’ve seen him laugh and I’ve seen him cry. He is learning rapidly and constantly adapting and mimicking behaviors. He fits in well with my friends. He is kind. I don’t even know him all that well and I knew without question that he would get up if he knew Hannah wanted to sit down. I was right. He is a golden retriever boy. He is eager to please and just happy to be here. He loves his mother and sister and spends time with them.

My head hurts. I’m tired.

Jesus, show me how to navigate. I feel scared and bad. Show me how to do what’s best. Give my family and I good peace and good rest and help us have good dreams and let tomorrow be as good as possible. Please help my mom feel better quickly and please don’t let me or my dad get sick. Keep us all otherwise healthy and safe. Please give me strength. Please help me manage my time well and do right by myself and do right by my family and friends. Help me not to burn out. Just help me. Hold my hand and guide me. Thank you. I’m so sorry. I love you.

[devildomdisaster]

Idk if you read Lore Olympus but chapter 129 gave me an angsty request idea.

So Persephone, who’s the goddess of spring, goes into a hibernation-like state and when her emotions go out of control, she ends up growing her hair really long and her body sprouts a lot of plants from her; to the point of covering her and whatever area she’s in with her plants.

So I would like to request head cannons of the Brothers reacting to an MC who gets really sad whenever the brothers insult or threaten them and after several weeks of being berated by demons it causes MC to shut down and go to their room but mistakes a comfort spell with a plant curse that causes their hair and plants to grow continuously long. The plants fill up MC’s room and while they would normally be surprised at the mistake, they don’t care any more. They allow the plants to to grow, even wrap around their neck and body, and hopes the curse kills them off before the brothers notice as they go in the “hibernation” stage of the curse (The curse causes the victim to grow a lot of plants and vines from their body until they die, which can take a few days).

I’m sorry for being so long and descriptive, I just wanna see the Bros panic and feel guilty that MC felt pushed to do this to themselves but I understand if you don’t want to do it

I don't read Lore Olympus but you described the situation really well so I hope this is something close to what you wanted.

Comfort spell gone wrong

Lately, nothing seemed to be good enough for the demons. No matter what you did one of them would find something to berate you for.

“Mc, your grades are subpar even for an exchange student. You’ll have to try harder in order to not be a disappointment to Diavolo and myself.” Lucifer warned over breakfast.

“Mc, you burned dinner. You should learn to be a better cook.” Beel grumbled. As if you had ever seen any of these ingredients before ending up in the Devildom.

Even Mammon seemed to be in a particularly unpleasant mood. A never-ending string of complaints about how hard it is to protect an ordinary human. “Geez, you’re such a hassle human.”

Taking refuge in the library to study and to give Mammon a break from you proved disastrous and nearly deadly. Somehow you’d managed to spill your cup of tea all over an old somewhat rare text after Asmo had barged in and startled you. Your string of bad luck continued when Satan rounded the corner and saw the soggy tea-stained pages you’d been trying to decipher. In his fit of rage, he’d called you several unpleasant names and asked if you were “capable of doing anything right or if all humans are as stupid as you?” You’d left as quickly as you were able to avoid any more of his wrath.

No matter where you went you kept walking in on Belphie napping and without fail he’d say something nasty to you, that would make tears burn the backs of your eyes.

Levi had angrily called you a “useless normie,” who he wished would “never come back.” and had pushed you from his room with a slam of his door.

Even Asmo who usually just ignored you when he was upset found every reason imaginable to critique your every aspect. Physical and personality. Not a single one of which made you feel any more than worthless.

So was it any wonder when at the end of a long week you’d locked yourself in your room and decided to try that comfort spell you’d heard Solomon talking about? It seemed simple enough. But then your tears had blurred your vision as you’d recited the words and your Latin was still shaky at best. But it was just a few lines! And there was no way you were going to go to one of the brothers for comfort when they had seemed perfectly happy to make you miserable for the last few weeks.

You’d read the spell aloud and curled up hoping that the spell would kick in and you’d feel even just the slightest bit better. The blinding green light and sudden drop in energy was the first and only warning the spell had gone wrong. But being new to magic meant it still sapped your energy, so you didn’t stop to think something might be wrong. By the time you realized what was happening, everything was out of control. Plants had begun to sprout from your skin and the floor around you, growing and growing. With each inch they grew you felt your exhaustion creep up and consume you. You were just so tired. Your eyes fluttered closed. This was wrong! You forced your eyes open again. You need to fix this. The spell! But a short nap wouldn’t hurt, would it? You’d have more energy after you woke up. Then you could go get one of the brothers. Satan would know how to fix this. Or Lucifer! He’d clean the spell up easily. Yes, after you woke up…

Lucifer hadn’t seen you all weekend. He figures you’re most likely studying. But you don’t show up for meals and none of his brothers have seen you either… and oh Diavolo! He can feel the spell from the dining room. How did he not notice sooner? The cold pulling sensation of the spell, like it was sucking the warmth and life from its surroundings.

When Lucifer reaches your door Mammon is already there. Knocking and shouting for you, but there's no answer. He all but breaks your door down, his brothers behind him, and finds you at the center of the spell. Unresponsive and covered in the plants using your energy to grow. The plants had begun climbing up the walls and twisting through your hair, sending out snow-white flowers.

“Beel! Don’t!” Lucifer warns as Beel reaches out to pull a handful of plants from you. “We don’t know what did this and what will happen to Mc if we just rip the spell off like that.”

“Lucifer, Mc did this to themself,” Satan points to the open spellbook. “It looks like they got a comfort spell mixed up.”

Fortunately, your last tired thoughts were correct and Lucifer is able to break the spell quickly. You wake surrounded by the brothers.

Lucifer:

All this happened for a comfort spell? Because you didn’t feel like you could come to him, to any of them?

He’s so sorry Mc. Enough that as he leans down to pick you up out of the mess of withering plants you can feel tears fall onto your face.

“Nothing I did was good enough for you Lucifer. Any of you. I just wanted to feel… I just wanted-”

His heart breaks when he realizes this is his brother’s fault, his fault. “You are always good enough, Mc. Much more than I could ever ask you to be, and if I ever made you feel like you weren't. No, the fact that I made you feel like you weren’t, means I have been truly terrible.”

You’re choking back your own tears now and you curl further into his arms as he carries you down the hall. “You said I was a disappointment.”

“My dear Mc, you have never been, nor could you ever be a disappointment to me. Forgive me for ever making you feel as if you were.”

Lucifer takes you to his bathroom and draws you a bath to wash away the last of the plant matter from your body.

Afterward, he’ll bring you anything you ask for. He wants to wrap you in his arms but doesn’t want to push you, so he asks softly if he can hold you.

He’ll spend weeks trying to make this up to you, even after you forgive him, he’ll be sure to tell you how much he loves you more often than he did before.

Mammon:

Shit human! Why didn’t you come to him? He loves you so much and oh. He made you feel like a burden.

How could he be so stupid when he knows how his brothers make him feel?

Mammon begs for your forgiveness in front of all his brothers.

“Please can ya forgive me? I never meant to make ya feel like a burden. You're the only human I- I want to protect you Mc. I’m so sorry.”

Mammon helps you up and since your room is covered in plants he offers to let you sleep in his room for the night.

He wraps you in blankets and brushes the hair from your face with trembling fingertips.

There are still a few stubborn leaves sticking to your face and in your hair so Mammon takes a warm washcloth and wipes them from your face before gently untangling the plants from your hair.

You’ll be getting little gifts and tokens of mammon’s affections for the foreseeable future.

Levi:

He threw you out of his room when you came to him for comfort and the guilt at seeing you almost die because of it is eating him alive.

He feels frozen

Maybe you would be better off without an otaku shut-in like him. He starts avoiding you like the plague.

You start to think that Levi is so disgusted with the fact that you did that spell that he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

Despite this Levi still checks up on you. He wants to know that you are ok, he just does it without you knowing.

He’ll ask his brothers about you and discreetly glance at you during meals to make sure you’re eating enough and look healthy.

A few days later when your favorite and manga anime start showing up outside your door you confront Levi. “Are you mad at me? Do you just not want to be around me after what happened? Levi, I miss you!”

He is shook, and he can’t believe he messed up so badly.

He’s happy that he can invite you to hang out again, and he makes sure to spend long nights gaming or watching movies with you until you fall asleep against him. He’ll even stutter out how much he treasures his time with you, blushing fiercely all the while.

Satan:

Satan feels anger swell up inside him. How could he have let this happen? How could no one have seen how upset you were?

Once the spell has been dissolved he is at your side instantly. Brushing vines from your skin. His fingers are shaking in anger but his touch is so gentle.

When both you and your room are cleaned up Satan sits at your bedside, book in hand, reading to you.

He just wants to be close to you now. He wants you to know how much he cares about you but is still too worked up to get his thoughts out properly.

Eventually, his thoughts calm and he stops reading in the middle of a sentence. “Mc, I am so sorry. I never meant to make you feel unwanted. Every day I spend with you is infinitely better than a day without you. I know the spell was a mistake but… we almost lost you. I almost lost you.”

He wants to talk about what pushed you to do this. He won’t push but he really does think that he will be better able to help you if he understands.

Satan makes sure to spend more time with you from now on. He makes a conscious effort to check his temper at the door and be with you when you need him.

Sometimes he’ll just read to you until one of you confides in the other in quiet voices.

Asmo:

As you blink your eyes open Asmo gently brushes some plants from your cheek.

You are so pale and his heart breaks as you flinch away from him. You feel like a mess and you know you must look like one too so curl your body away from him trying to hide. Trying to avoid his critical gaze.

This is the moment Asmo knows he screwed up.

He draws his hand back, for a moment, before reaching out to you again. Cupping your cheek and wiping your tears away with perfectly manicured hands.

Lucifer has him take you to his bathroom to clean up while the rest of the brothers work to clear the plants from your room.

Asmo is quiet for a long while as he untangles plants from your hair.

“You’re so loved, Mc,” he says softly. “You are.” he insists when you shake your head no.

“More than you could ever know, and it’s our fault for not telling you. My fault for not making you feel worthy.”

After this incident, Asmo wants to make sure you know how beautiful you are. He starts self-care days once a week that soon turn into whole family affairs. Each week different combinations of his brother attend and you all work to pamper each other.

Asmo makes sure nothing like this happens again, he never wants to be part of the reason you feel unloved ever again.

Beel:

At first, Beel thinks you did this on purpose. Once the brothers realize you messed up the spell he is less angry but no less distraught.

Once you wake up, he wants to take you to get desserts. He’s heard humans eat Chocolate/ other sweets to feel better. And this makes sense to him, food does make everything better.

But you don’t want to go to Madam Screams or the kitchen to make your own. You’re still so tired. Not to mention embarrassed that you screwed the spell up this bad.

And now they are all staring at you like they care so much when none of them had any time to notice how they were making you feel before.

When you become unresponsive to the brother’s questions and apologies Beel scoops you up in his arms and walks away with you.

Something about the way he holds you close to his chest and his warmth causes you to finally let go.

You bury your face in his shirt to muffle your crying.

“I just… I felt so alone! And… I...but no one” you gasp out shakily between sobs.

Beel soothes you with soft murmuring as he gently cards his fingers through your hair and strokes down your back.

Once your crying quiets he starts to speak “Don’t do that again. You can always come to me Mc. I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t”

Belphie:

Belphie thinks it’s a joke at first. “Man, how could they mess up this bad?”

Then he sees Lucifer’s panicked expression and it hits him how serious this is.

Belphie is immediately by your side. Hands frantically feeling your wrist for a pulse.

After Lucifer breaks the spell and your eyes flutter open Belphie is filled with relief until a wave of guilt washes through him.

He can’t believe he fucked up so badly again. Sure this time he didn’t directly cause you physical harm, but he did play a role in causing you to almost die again.

“I am so very sorry Mc, I never meant to hurt you.”

He does everything he can think of to make it up to you. Anything you ask him for, as long as it’s within his power, is yours. No questions asked.

He asks permission just to hold your hand for weeks afterward as if he thinks you’ll come to your senses and decide you don’t want anything to do with him.

He wants to comfort you so bad.

To make sure you don’t feel like this again Belphie pulls you away to nap with him as often as he can get away with it. Most likely only a few times a week (much less often than he would like). Sometimes he uses this time just to talk with you. Others you really do nap, and Belphie curls himself around you. Occasionally he enters your dreams while you nap together to make sure no nightmares can touch you.

[froggywritesstuff]

Promise | Max Mayfield

Pairing: Max Mayfield x fem!reader

Warning: slurs, (probably) swearing, (my first fanfiction posted on here so probably some spelling and grammar mistakes)

18+ people DNI

DO NOT PLAGARISE, TRANSLATE, MODIFY, OR REPOST ANY OF MY WORKS TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM

You immediately fell for Max as she walked into the class. You felt the blood rush to your cheeks, your palms sweating, and your heart racing. You tried not to be creepy by staring at her, so you just stuck with small glances at her every ten seconds. The bell wrung and you stood up as fast as lightening to go talk with Max. Unfortunately, your feet had other plans. You tripped over the chair, and fell right at Max's feet. 'Well shit!' You thought.

"I'm so sorry!" You apologized, ignoring the rest of the class laughing.

"Holy shit, are you okay?" Max laughed as she helped you up to your feet.

"Yeah, thanks," you said breathlessly, scratching the back of your neck awkwardly. Suddenly you remembered what you were going to do that made you trip in the first place, and stuck your hand out to shake. "Uh, I'm (Y/N)."

"Max." You smiled trying to hide your blush, when someone pulled you out of the classroom hissing your name. As you got pulled into the halls, you looked up to see a very pissed off Mike.

"Mike, what the hell?"

"(Y/N), that's Mad Max." he explained as if it were obvious. It wasn't, so you just sent him a confused look, making him sigh.

"You remember from the arcade? Mad Max beat Dustin's score." you nodded, slowly catching on.

"She's incredible." Lucas chimed in.

"Ok, well we don't know that she's Mad Max." Mike said getting annoyed.

"So you dragged me out here for nothing?" you sassed wih your hands on your hips.

"Well... no. We just don't know if she can be trusted."

"But you knew you could trust El?" You asked and the guilt instantly hit you like a baseball bat.

"You know what? Fine! Go ahead, trust her. I don't care." Mike huffed as he pushed past you. The others all walked away awkwardly, while you sighed and leaned against the wall.

"Hey," You heard a voice in front of you. Your heart started racing when you saw it was Max, "What was that about?"

"Oh, nothing, that was just my friend Mike. He- uh, he get weird around new people. But not like nervous, weird. Just like... he sort of hates them... in a way? Not that he hates you, just, normally, he hates new people." you finished awkwardly.

Max nodded her head slowly, "Ok. Hey, would you mind riding home with me tonight? I don't really know the directions that much."

"Oh, yeah sure." you said excitedly. It was a miracle you hadn't passed out already.

"Great, thanks." She said, scratching the back of her neck.

"Great." You repeated dreamily.

You were kind of switched off during school. Thinking about riding home with Max made your heart race and your hands sweaty, and thinking about what you said to Mike made you feel bad and guilty. You hadn't been able to catch Mike to apologise to him, and for some reason, you couldn't find the boys either.

You walked outside the shcool and walked to your bike, when Troy and James stopped you.

"Where you going, dyke?" Troy asked, punching me in the arm.

"Home. That ok?" You asked with a huff.

"Not for a freak like you." James spat, shoving me against the bike rack. You winced as your back hit the metal pole.

"Leave her alone." A familiar voice called from behind Troy and James. You smiled when you saw his face, but it vanished when Troy and James stalked over to him.

"Or what, Frogface?" Troy asked menacingly.

"You gonna push him over?" James added mockingly.

"Just leave her alone." he said darkly. Troy looked at you, then back at Mike.

He shoved you in the shoulder before spitting, "We'll leave the dyke alone. For now." With that they laughed and walked off. You awkwardly walked up to Mike, going to place a hand on his shoulder, before embraced you with a hug. You were confused, but didn't hesitate to hug him back.

"I'm sorry, Mike."

"No," he started, pulling away from the hug, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so weird. You can hang out with whoever you want. As long as we're still friends."

You chuckled at the last part, when you noticed Max waiting near the bus for you. You opened your mouth to farewell Mike, before he cut you off.

"You go with her," he started sincerely, "I'd much rather her be your girlfriend than Lucas'." Mike said, making your mouth form a small 'O'.

"How did you...?" you trailed off, hoping he understood what I was asking.

"I figured out last year at the snowball. We all sat on the bleachers alone 'cause we had no one to dance with, and I saw you glancing over at Jennifer Hayes."

You chuckled at him, before pulling him into another hug, "Thank you, Mike."

He smiled at you, before you ran off to Max, "Ready?"

She nodded as you mounted your bike.

"Y/N, I lied." Max confessed, as you finally got to her house.

"What?"

"About not knowing the way. I know it, I just didn't want to ride with my step-brother Billy." she admitted, looking down.

"Hey," You started, "I'll gladly ride with you again tomorrow, if you don't want to ride with Billy,” 

She smiled, looking down, “Meet you at 7?” she suggested.

”I’ll be there,” you replied with a smirk as you mounted your bike.

”Promise?” She asked, the slightest trace of worry laced her voice.

You smiled and nodded, “Promise.”

[sunsetofdoom]

not one hair of you would I rearrange

“Who named you?” Ed asked, mumbling around the end of the pipe in his mouth. “Never met a nob that’d name their kids’ daemon something s’common as Polly.” Nobs always had long daemon names, the very devil to pronounce and never worth remembering, and they were always out of some book or play that no one in their right mind had ever heard of.

“Ah,” Stede said, looking a little bashful as he put his bookmark between the pages, Polly a liquid lump of dog where she was lying on his slippers. Before them, the fire roared, leaving the cabin an oasis of cozy warmth among the old, comforting sounds of the waves against the hull. “It is, I’m afraid, a short form- her name is Polyhymnia. For one of the Greek muses, I believe.”

“I like Polly better,” she murmured from the floor, her normally-cheerful voice subdued and relaxed from the heat of the fire, and Stede leaned down to ruffle the long, golden hair around her ears. Her coat matched perfectly to his blond hair, and she looked clean and soft and rumpled, just like Stede in his dressing-gown.

“And you?” He asked politely, sitting back up. “Why Asher?”

Asher, taking up space on Ed’s chest, heaved a toothy yawn. He matched Ed the same way- midnight-black in their youth, he had faded over the years to the color of stormclouds on the horizon, fur going gray towards the jowled sides of his face. A thick, ragged tomcat with one ripped-up ear and singed whiskers, he’d left scars on the noses of daemons from here to High Brazil.

“Dunno,” he replied, his voice as low and dark as the voice in the back of Edward’s head that told him when everything was about to go to shit. “Biblical, maybe.”

“Mum was a God-botherer,” Ed agreed, drawing on his pipe and letting the smoke flow away with the words. Stede was the first person he’d spoken to about his mother in more than twenty years.

Stede pursed his lips, brow furrowing as he looked at his bookshelf like the answer was to be found there; Ed wondered if he had a Bible somewhere in those unreadable shelves, just for the sake of having it. That seemed like the sort of thing Stede would do, even if he never said a word about God either way.

“Genesis,” Polly contributed from the floor. “Jacob’s son,”

“Joseph’s brother! Yes,” Stede completed her sentence like always, snapping his fingers. “Sold his younger brother into slavery for spite and jealousy... something of a, er, despicable character.” He leveled Ed with a look that was somehow both fond and guilty.

“That’s us,” Asher stretched out his claws, clinking them against the wood of the pipe with the absolute confidence of an animal who never gave a single damn about being a nuisance. “Despicable all over.”

His weight on Ed’s chest was unfamiliar. They spent twenty years stretching their range, step by step and month by month, slowly gouging out space in their heart-deep bond that let Ash perch above-decks even when Blackbeard was ensconced away in the cabin, scaring the absolute pants off of the crew. The throaty pang of grief and pain in his chest was a constant, and its removal left him feeling almost weightless.

Ever since Stede had come into their lives, Asher circled closer and closer, both of them falling helplessly into his orbit. Ed took tea with him. Ash left dead rats at his doorstep. Edward taught him sword tricks in the dead of night while Asher and Polly play-fought at their feet, Ash rolling on his back and inviting a dog three times his size to snap at his belly.

And now Asher was lying on top of him, self-satisfied as a housecat. He wasn’t even keeping watch.

“When’d you settle?” Ed asked. Their silences were comfortable, but God almighty there was so much he wanted to know about Stede Bonnet, how in the Hell he’d ended up here, at sea in general and within arms’ reach in particular.

Sighing, Stede ran his bookmark over the edges of his fingers; Ed had felt less guilt about cutting mens’ hands off than he did for keeping Stede from his peaceful reading. “I was fourteen,” he said with a soft regret. “It was just before we left school- that school, at least. It inspired as much mockery as anything we did.” He glanced up, his eyes glinting in the fire-light. “A dog, you know- servants’ animals.” He took on a ridiculous and terrible approximation of those fickle Frenchmen, leveling the insult at him.

“Fucking cunts,” Ed said mildly.

Shrugging with faint agreement, Stede smiled in that soft, sad way that made Edward want to fold him up and protect him from the world.

He stretched out to kick his boots up onto the arm of the sofa, jostling Asher, who glared at him with one poison-green eye. “We settled young,” he said, trying to distract Stede from whatever recollection he’d fallen into. “Before any of the other kids, at least. My dad said I was a fucking witch.” Aside from telling that stupid fucking Kraken story, he hadn’t spoken about his father in decades, either.

“Very witchy animal, a black cat,” Stede concurred, smiling at Ash, who preened. Nobody else would’ve thought it, from Blackbeard’s ghoul of a familiar, but Ed knew him from the torn tips of his ears to the pads of his little asshole feet, and Asher was glowing with attention. “Really quite frightening. My peers, though, quickly deduced that Polly was no threat.”

Ed turned over on his elbow, shoving Ash when his tail dropped down in front of his eyes. Polly, in her place in front of the fire, was an average-sized, heavyset dog with clear eyes and strong legs; her constant, dopey smile obscured the fact that she was mouth-focused and picked up or bit everything in sight, and she went to point whenever Stede showed interest in anything. She was almost as attentive to the scrape of a rat in the ship as Asher, and he’d been a ratter his whole alley-cat life. “She’s got to be a hunting breed, though,” he said.

Stede shrugged again. “Perhaps,” he allowed. “My father, though, bred hunting dogs his whole life long, and he could make neither hide nor hair of her.” His tone said quite well that his father had been just as baffled by Stede himself.

Polly shifted, going from her inelegant splay across Stede’s feet to a tight ball on the rug, her enormous tail- so furry that it flapped like a fan when she wagged it- slapping down tight over the tip of her nose. Duly curled up, she heaved a woebegone sigh.

With a splay of his claws calculated to land right on Ed’s bare arm, Asher stretched luxuriously. In a show of nonchalance, he sat up, shook his head, cleaned his face, and with a clink of his claws against the buckles of Ed’s jacket, leapt to the floor.

“Fucking ow,” Ed muttered, rubbing his fingers along the small puncture wounds on his bicep, Asher’s asshole love-notes a lifelong sensation.

Asher padded over to Polly where she was curled up, plopped his enormous black backside next to her, and set his head on her shoulders. The rest of his body followed like water being poured into a shaped glass, drooping contentedly to the floor with the peculiar grace of a cat who was exactly where he wanted to be.

The silence settled into comfort, mood returning to contented laziness as Ed watched his daemon’s chest rise and fall as he breathed. Jesus fucking wept, how long had it been since that cat touched another daemon in something other than violence? Decades. More, probably. Asher regularly stalked and threatened Izzy’s kestrel daemon, knocking her from her perches around the ship; anything smaller than a bear was fair game for menacing, really. He’d even once managed to get a solid strike on Fang’s enormous golden eagle, clawing his way up into the rigging to drop down onto her back and pin her to the deck when she fell, snapping one of her strong wings with a noise like a dry branch.

And here he was snuggled up against a kennel-club, blue-ribbon princess of a dog, her angelic curls sparkling beside his patchy, dusty, ragged black fur.

“Ed,” Stede said into his book, and his head turned so fast it hurt, “forgive me if I’m being forward. But since we’re speaking of it...”

Ed shrugged, packing more tobacco into the bowl of the pipe- it didn’t need it, but he had to do something with his hands. 

“Asher is your same sex? Is there... I mean...”

Glancing up, Ed realized that Stede was blushing.

“Ah,” he said, catching the meaning. He’d heard every rumor- no one seemed to know why some daemons were born the same sex to their human beings, but that stopped no one from claiming they knew, and what’s more, spreading the claim over all creation. “Well, I dunno. Some swore that I’d grow up to be a woman, cock falling off and all-” Stede’s blush got worse- “but that never did happen, did it.”

“I... don’t suppose it did,” Stede replied stiffly.

Ed frowned, not enjoying his tension. It was all well and good to tease Stede, but to lose that comfortable air of theirs- that was intolerable. “Mum said it meant I had the second sight,” he said more gently, like a peace offering.

Stede brightened. “Oh, do you?” He asked, and Polly’s tail thumped against the floor a few inquisitive times. The grin on his face was guileless, and it made Ed smile back.

Holding one hand out and waving it like a fortune-teller, Ed squinted at him, trying to come up with something that would make him laugh. “Yeah, yeah, I can tell... you, ah. When you were young. You wanted Polly to settle as a, ah... a fuckin’- swordfish.” Tilting too far in his approximation of a twopenny card reader, the fearsome Blackbeard realized he was about to lose his balance on Stede’s slim couch, and swore as he scrambled to save his pipe and right himself.

Asher’s eyes slitted open, his daemon looking straight at him with silent, acrid judgment; but Stede laughed, and that was alright. That was all that mattered.

“I don’t-” Stede started, and then paused, hiding his mouth behind a hand as he laughed, unable to stop. His eyes didn’t shift as Ed checked the pipe over- he did not want to set the sofa on fire- and settled himself back in a comfortable position. “Of course, she’s always wanted to be able to join Buttons for a swim...” He continued laughing, more at Ed than the joke.

Ed nodded, inhaling warm smoke and relaxing into the sofa. Stede’s first mate was one of those born sailors whose daemon had the misfortune of settling as a porpoise; Ed had met perhaps half a dozen of them in his long career and Buttons was one of the sane ones. Small wonder he’d tamed that seagull, just to have a bit of company.

Blowing one perfect smoke-ring, Ed glanced back to see if Stede had noticed, and caught him looking at Polly again. The laughing creases on his face were drowned out by the worry lines around his eyes as he frowned.

Catching his eye, Stede sat back in his chair. “I did...” he said helplessly, “I did so wish she would settle as a bird.”

“Still do,” Polly said, her voice so soft it was almost lost under the crackle of the fire.

Stede blinked at her, his face hardening into rare resentment, and buried himself in his book.

Polly nestled her head down into her paws. Her ears slumped, and she looked so unutterably miserable that if it weren’t for the great taboo, Edward would have taken her head in his scarred hands to pet and praise her until she was pleased again, like he’d seen Stede do too many times to count, like he should be doing now instead of ignoring her.

Asher’s head rose up, aiming the same venomous green gaze on Stede that Ed felt every time he did something stupid. 

Sitting up, Ash shook himself and leaned over, his rough pink tongue stretched out to groom Polly’s fluffy ears. It wasn’t easy, or dignified; Asher had to wrench his head upwards to follow her long golden fur, combing it out and getting it tangled in his teeth.

But Stede shifted in his chair. The blush rose back up on his face, and he stared harder at his book for a moment- until he sighed, and relaxed, allowing himself to feel the sweetness of his daemon being groomed and gentled.

Asher, who had once ripped an ear clean off of a wolf daemon whose human tried to start a mutiny, placed one strong paw on Polly's golden head to turn her with the utmost care. He nuzzled his scarred nose into the soft place behind her ear and just rested there for a moment, putting his storm-black paw back to the ground for leverage as he started to clean her again.

Gaze roaming uncomfortably away from his formerly-vicious daemon, Ed caught sight of Stede glowing with secondhand pleasure, and it set some fire under his ribs, something that burned so bright he worried it could be seen from across the room.

Uncurling a little, Polly laid her large head on Asher’s paws- where his claws, bloodstained, waited like a trap- and let her breath out in a long exhale that ruffled his dark fur. Leaning down, he groomed the short fur along her muzzle with his rasping tongue, and Edward- God rest his idiot soul- watched Stede shiver pleasantly, eyes fluttering closed.

His bright eyes flickered open again, and Ed fastened his gaze back to his pipe, puffing rapidly and praying to an uncaring God that he hadn’t been noticed.

His point made, Ash gave Polly’s ear one more dubious lick and shook himself. Stepping up with a dainty grace that was belied by his ragged strength, the enormous black cat curled up on top of the soft-furred golden dog, content.

Eyes slitting open, Asher stared up at Edward, something unreadable passing between human and daemon. 

Jack and Sal used to call them lapcat (for the heinous crime of sobering up, or wanting to sleep in a bed instead of a dank alleyway) and he meant it always as the greatest insult, Sal grooming her tortoiseshell ears with her back turned on Asher like if he were going to be that boring, he had best get away from her.

But was that so bad? A lap to lie on, a place to sleep by the fire. A bell on their collar, in exchange for a friendly scratch behind the ears.

Ash shut his eyes, becoming an indistinguishable black circle atop Polly’s back. He seemed to soak up the low light, making her shining coat even more stark; from this angle, Ed couldn't see his scars, any of the many imperfections that hard living had wrought on them. Together, he and Polly made a perfect picture.

Stede had settled back into their easy silence, reading peacefully. Ed drew on his pipe again, and tried not to think about how he wished this could be the rest of their lives.

[stargazer-balladeer]

S/o’s birthday but locks themselves in their rooms because they don’t feel special [Genshin Impact]

Characters Included: Aether, Childe, Diluc, Kaeya & Venti.

Notes: Ayeeee! Since it’s my birthday today, why not make this? :))) I actually got carried away 🥲 this is around 3.5k words in total. Hope ya’ll like this!

Reader’s Gender: Neutral (tho i think there’s a slight implied female hehe…)

Warning: probably some swear words here and there knowing me- and mild suggestive themes in kaeya’s part 

[albedo, scaramouche, xiao]

Aether remembers your birthday more than he knows his- like srsly, he’s the kind that remembers his s/o’s bday more than his. He’s also the kind that celebrates it privately unless you want to celebrate it with others, which he doesn’t mind. He might have a hard time deciding what kind of gift you want, but sooner or later, he already has one (or multiples bc he can’t decide-). 

Imagine his confusion when your day finally arrives but he can’t find you anywhere, even Paimon, who was excited to celebrate your bday (“oohh~ I can’t wait to eat the cake!” - Paimon), seems confused. Probably the culprit in planting worry in the travellers head as she jumps to conclusion that you might’ve been kidnapped. 

Luckily, he checked your house before he could report it to the knights of Favonius or the Qixing (like any normal person should do really-). When he received no reply, he takes out the spare key you gave him and entered your house, an invasion of privacy he knows but it's an emergency- 

Knowing that you’re in your room when he can’t find you downstairs, he knocks on your bedroom door softly while calling your name. Imagine his (and Paimon’s) relief when the door cracked open. Immediately engulfing you into a hug, he lets out a sigh of relief. He then proceeds to ask you what you were doing inside your room when it’s your birthday. His heart literally broke when you stated your reason. Tightening his hold around your figure, he smiles bitterly, knowing that feeling all too well..

“That’s not true. None of that stuff is true. Everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday, most especially you. We’ve brought some food, and cake of course. Also some gifts from other people. If you want, do you want to celebrate it with just the two, or rather three, of us?”

You, who was a literal angel in his eyes deserve the world. He honestly wants to find whoever put that idea in your head but that was reserved for another moment. For now, his main priority is your happiness. Guiding you downstairs where Paimon was (she left when aether hugged you, knowing you two needed privacy. also the cAKE-), he watches as your eyes sparkle at the sight of the cake. 

Grinning softly he made sure you had fun with your birthday. Even though it would be more fun with more people, it feels more special if it’s celebrated with just the two of you. Staring you with pure adoration as you laughed merrily at the sight of Paimon stuffing herself with food. He couldn’t help himself but lean forward to place a kiss on your forehead and then on your lips, leaning back with a smile on his face. 

“Happy birthday, my love. May many more to come. Maybe next time, we can invite other people. Though I don’t mind if we’ll celebrate it with just the two of us only-” And Paimon! Don’t forget about Paimon!” “Yes yes. And Paimon.”

Similar to Aether, he would most definitely remember your birthday. After all, it holds a special place in his heart, alongside his family. And since this boi is rich af, he would most definitely try to spoil you on your birthday. Piles of expensive (or just cheap yet meaningful) gifts, reservation to a high-class restaurant in Liyue Harbor, and all that glamour. 

Actually, he didn’t find it odd that he didn’t see you immediately, thinking that you overslept or just relaxing in your house. But he soon finds it weird when it’s already around 3 in the afternoon and no sign of your face in the crowd, something he raised a brow at but shrugged it off. It isn’t until it’s almost the time of the reservation he made when he finally realized what’s going on. 

When he arrived at your house, dressed in a suit similar to Zhongli except it’s entirely black and white, waiting for you to come out. After a couple of minutes, he soon got concerned and decided to enter your bedroom through the window (pls do not do this at home). Startled at the sudden appearance of your handsome yet cheeky boyfriend, he stares at you with eyes asking the questions he didn’t dare to tell. 

Knowing he will get his answer one way or another, you decided to tell him about your dilemma. After you finished explaining yourself, silence surrounds you, which is quite worrisome since your boyfriend is known for his rather talkative behavior. Blinking in surprise at the sudden embrace of the 11th Harbinger, his hug was rather tight but not too tight that it cuts your oxygen. Speaking in a low, faint voice, a surprising feat for him, you can make out what he said as clear as day. 

“I’m sorry. I should’ve noticed it sooner. I was trying to be a perfect boyfriend for you but I guess I failed in that aspect. You know, if you feel like you aren’t special enough to celebrate your birthday, then what about me? Me who stained his hands with the red blood of his enemies, always engaging in a fight, clashing with other blades. Insecurity is really an asshole huh? Let me make it up to you now. Let’s not anymore go to that stupid high-class restaurant, c’mon, up you go. You better dressed comfortably when I come back or else…”

Leaving you quickly before coming back immediately, this time in more comfortable clothing rather than the stiff suit he wore earlier. This time as well, he entered your house normally through the door. In his arms, he was holding a bunch of stuff and proceeded to dump it on the living room table. It was different kinds of movies in different genres, you spotted some of your favorite movies in them (makes you also wonder where he got these from since you don’t remember seeing these in the room he stays-).

He would suggest making a pillow fort, and while making the pillow fort, he proceeded to smack you with one. Which ensued a pillow fight between you two. It successfully made the both of you a laughing mess by the end, filled with feathers. Childe then carries you bridal style to the incomplete pillow fort and starts the movie you chose. Placing you in his lap and placing his head either on your shoulder or head depending on your height, cuddling you from behind tightly with a contented smile on his face. 

“You know what? This might not be how I envisioned how your birthday would go, but I’m not complaining. Happy birthday, comrade. My most adorable and most cutest and only love. I love you so much that you’ll be the very reason why I die so suddenly. So stop being so cute okay?” 

(You two are living together in this one.)

Diluc has the probability of forgetting your birthday due to his busy schedule, especially if it’s starting to rise when your birthday draws near. He might neglect you for a couple of days, too engrossed in his work. When the day finally arrives, it completely leaves his mind. Like he’ll think of it as a completely ordinary working day. It isn’t until one of your friends told him to send you their birthday greetings that he remembered. And oh boy does he feel guilty, like srsly, he literally froze when he realizes what day it is today. And you know what that means? ✨Panicc✨

Honestly, I can see him buying the whole store XD. In the state of panic, his common sense just leaves him completely that he ends us buying practically the whole store. It would be sent to the Dawn Winery immediately as he buys some flowers from Flora, who also sent you her birthday greetings, which made him more guilty-

When Diluc steps foot inside the manor, he tries to search for you outside the gardens where he usually finds you but when he doesn't, he gets worried. Asking the head maid immediately about your whereabouts, and his concern and worry (and guilt) grew even more when he finds out that you haven’t gone out of your room. He quickly went to your shared room, with the flowers still in his hands, and knocked on your door. Calling your name softly and asking for permission to enter, when granted he entered the room as quickly as possible. But seeing the sight of you bundled up in your blanket made his heart crack.

Placing the flowers at the bedside table, he quickly made his way in front of you and kneeled down to meet your eye level. You can tell he was very worried about you with how frantic his eyes seem and the concern underlying it. With the way he was staring at you, you can’t help but spill your insecurity to him. The reason why you were hiding in his room rather than go out to celebrate your day of birth. Every word you spill made his heart break even more. Seeing tears started to leak from your eyes, he placed his two hands on your face wiping away the tears with his thumbs. Smiling at you gently and placing a kiss on your eyelids and on your nose.

“I completely understand, my love. Even I sometimes feel that way. Also to the point where I don’t want to celebrate my birthday even, but that won’t do my love. You are so special, you deserve your special day to be well special. If you want to simply lay here and sleep, then so be it. If you want to go out and do something, then I’ll happily oblige. Let’s obliterate those awful thoughts, and if those keep persisting, I’ll slice them up for you. I’ll keep picking you up when you fall. So, what is your command, my love?” (i'm so tempted for him to say master-)

Whatever your answer may be, one thing for sure, Diluc is seen smiling adoringly at you. Even the maids noted how soft the master is around you, particularly today. Whether curled up together in the bed, with him embracing you tightly to his chest and placing a kiss on top of your head. And if you listen carefully, you can hear him quietly humming a tune that his father (or mother) sang to him. Or you two outside in the garden, simply admiring the view with his hand around your waist. 

Either way, at the end of the day, he would wake you up or make you go inside for dinner. You haven’t eaten breakfast or lunch yet so you’re probably hungry by now. If you don’t want to leave your room or want to return to your room, he would understand and make the maids bring the food to you. When the maid(s) finally arrives with the food, you notice the cake on the tray. Looking at him as he chuckles, taking the trays from the maids. Humming a light tune, he scoops a spoonful of cake and holds it to your mouth, with a slight smirk on his face, eyes twinkling with mischief. 

“Stop staring at me like that, did you really think I would let the day go by for you to not celebrate your birthday properly? From what I know, birthdays have cakes in them, whether a huge cake or a cupcake. Say ‘ahh’~... Happy birthday my love. May next year be more enjoyable than now.”

Kaeya remembers your birthday like the back of his hand, I think he’s even more excited than you really. Eagerly awaiting your birthday as he counts down the days, dropping hints and stuff to you birthday-related, and probably plans a birthday party for you. The knights immediately agreed on it, including a certain bard, traveler, and wine master (albeit more hesitantly). He made sure that this party would be successful, constantly checking on the plans and such. To the point that everyone was practically fed up with his constant questions. But they understand that he wants this to be a successful and enjoyable party for you. It got to the point where Diluc kicked him out of his Tavern after asking for the umpteenth time. 

When your day finally arrives, he was practically beaming with joy and excitement. To the point where he can’t hide it behind the cool and suave facade he wears. He quickly made his way to you, going along with the plan of distracting you as they started to prepare for the party. In his total excitement, he didn’t notice the rather gloomy atmosphere around the house. But when he arrived at your door, that is when he noticed how quiet your house is.

Now albeit worried, his excited smile slipping from his face and now replaced with a worried frown, he knocked on your door, calling you in his usual teasing voice. When he didn’t hear your response, the bubble of anxiety appeared in his body. Twisting the knob and finding it unlocked, he quietly and carefully opened the door. Seeing your back immediately, seeing your side rise and fall making him sigh in relief that you were still alive. Closing the door gently but made a noise to alert you of his presence. Taking a seat behind you, he ran his cold fingers on your back, watching you arching at the sudden coldness of his fingers. Smiling slightly, he asked what’s wrong. 

Turning around to face him, you buried your face on his chest, inhaling his strong masculine scent. Instinctively wrapping his arms around you, he played with your hair with one of his hands. Tapping on your head slightly, beckoning for you to answer his question. With no way out, you decided to come clean. You explain how you feel like you don’t feel like you deserve to be treated as special on your birthday and all that sort. His face was void of emotion as he stared at the ceiling with his unique pair of blue eyes. Outside he might seem emotionless. But inside, he was on the brink of insanity. Who dares to put such an idea on his s/o’s mind? Why would you think of that? Was this insecurity of yours also his fault?

“That must be the most stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You’re not special? Please. Don’t try to make me laugh with that joke ‘cause it’s not funny. You are a jewel, a star, a constellation. As rare as the gems, or rather visions. You can even rival the very sun with your smile. I know those demons in your head keep saying those words to you, the temptation is so tempting, right? Just succumbing to them to make them quiet. But that’s why I’m here, my dearest snowflake. I’m here for you. You’re so special to everyone, most especially to me. You mean the world to me. Anyway, enough of this tear-jerking stuff, we have a party to celebrate. And we can’t celebrate it without the birthday gal/guy now can we?”

Despite your protests, he lifted you effortlessly and carried you outside and into the dawn winery where the party was held. Placing you on the ground and pushing you forward where people from Mondstadt came and greeted you with happy birthdays. Smiling at the sight of you being overwhelmed at the warm greetings, and then chuckling at how bright your face became. Diluc nudges him to you, beckoning him to help you before returning to what he was previously doing (most likely trying to force a bard to not finish all the wines in the vicinity).

After a while in the party, Kaeya brings you to a secluded place with no people for air. Being in a party filled with people could be suffocating at times, especially if you’re not used to it. He intertwined his hands with yours and bends down to meet your eye level (or leans down if you have the same height as him-). He gives you a cheeky smile and proceeds to place a peck on your lips. Chuckling when you pouted and glared at him, wanting more kisses.

“My my, what a greedy vixen~ But it is indeed your birthday so I guess I have no choice but to oblige to whatever my birthday vixen wants me to do. Would you like me to strip as well? Haha. Kidding kidding. Happy birthday, princess/prince. May many more to come. Oh! I forgot. I heard from a certain birdie that you ordered for a personal performance from me~ would you like to get it now?” 

Since we all know that Venti practically doesn’t do anything like every day, I would safely say that he would remember your birthday. Probably save some mora to buy you a gift for your birthday, even though it’s not as fancy as the people in Liyue (they all rich kids-), it’s still meaningful. He probably made a bracelet all by himself with the beads he either bought or also made by himself. Nevertheless, he was as excited as Kaeya for your birthday. Already prepared songs to sing for you when that day comes. 

Venti immediately searches for you when the day finally arrives, but his excited and bright smile vanishes when he can’t find you in the crowd of people. Raising a brow at your sudden disappearance, he searched for you everywhere, the tavern, the church, the headquarters, everywhere but your house. So when he finally arrives at your house, he was filled with worry and concern. Entering your room through the window like usual, he sees your figure sitting on the floor while reading a book.

He pouted at the sight as he made his presence known by asking you why you were here and reading a book on your birthday. He watches as you jump from where you are and turns to look at him, sighing at the sight of him. He slowly made his way to you and sat next to you, his legs sprawled across the floor. He takes note of the food around you, which was non-birthday festive, it was just ordinary food. Not understanding why you’re sulking in your room, he asked you what’s wrong. 

Venti’s eyes widened at your explanation, feeling the sadness leaking at the words you said. They weave themselves around his heart, squeezing it, making him have a hard time breathing. He shares your pain. He was your soulmate after all. He immediately engulfed you in a hug, stuffing his face on the crook of your neck. You were so vulnerable in his eyes. You were so fragile. He desperately wants to protect you from the pain. But looks like he can’t protect you from your own demons. 

“Even though I promised myself to not say or do anything that’ll make you sad, I just need to get it off my chest. I’m sorry you had to suffer through that, those demons that a simple bard that weaves stories into songs can’t erase. Alright, no more feeling sorry for yourself. It’s time to get out and spend the rest of the day enjoyable, perfect for my precious Cecilia.” 

Without any warnings, he picked you up and jumped out of your window. Shrieking at the sudden fast pace, you instinctively wrapped your hands around him as he landed on the ground. Giving you a smug smile while saying “didn’t think i’d let you fall now?” Please slap him. Anyway, he laughed at your aggression and continued to run. Even if you ask where you’re going, he just says it's a secret. So might as well enjoy being in his arms as he continues to run (you swear you can feel the wind adding to his speed but that was just maybe your imagination-).

After a while, he placed you down and you realized where you are. It was Starsnatch Cliff, surrounding you were Cecilia flowers. Venti jumped on you, making you fall to the ground as he giggles. His hat flown back from the force of his sudden attack, he still has that stupid big smile on his face. Since his laughter is contagious, you couldn’t help but laugh alongside him. His eyes glistened with delight at the sight of your smile finally. Grabbing your hand and placing the bracelet he made, he pressed a kiss on your knuckle.

“This bracelet shall be a promise from me to you, a fellow bard to the fairest queen/king. I shall love you for eternity, this heart will only beat for you, and this body belongs to you. If you’re in dire need of assistance, don’t hesitate to call me. I’ll be there, forever and always. Happy birthday, my sweet flower.”

[x] Main Page || [x] Mondstadt Page || [x] Fatui Harbingers Page 

[the-bau-quinjet]

One Misunderstanding

Bucky x Reader

Summary: You struggle to fix Bucky's first impression of you. Bucky struggles with his own feelings.

Warnings: angst, Hydra things- like brainwashing and torture, a few curse words, panic attacks, anxiety

Word count: 5609

a/n: this idea came to me very suddenly, but I'm in love with it. Hopefully whatever I just wrote does it justice.

Masterlist

"Everyone, meet Y/N. She's the newest member of our little group, bringing in a whole new level of hacking and tech skills. Y/N, meet the team." Tony introduced you to everyone, eager to share your skills.

You turned to the group, getting ready to introduce yourself further, but instead tripped. You shrieked as you fell down the small set of stairs you were at the top of.

Sam, being the closest, caught you. "Good thing you've got tech skills." He chuckled as you righted yourself, firmly planting your feet on the ground.

"Haha, yeah. I'm not a big fan of violence." You winced as you said it, wishing you could take it back. You didn't want to get into the reasons as to why you don't like violence.

To your surprise, nobody asked why. You would have guessed they would have questions, but maybe they weren't interested in your past. They all had their own issues to deal with afterall.

"Eh, we don't need anymore people for fighting anyway. Welcome to the team." Steve greeted you warmly, as you would have expected from America's golden boy.

You gratefully shook his hand, glad to not have to talk about anything yet. Unfortunately, you tripped again when you tried to move back, falling into the one and only Bucky Barnes.

His hands steadied you, dryly laughing at your clumsiness. "You really are clumsy."

You did you best to not show how embarrassed you were. You couldn't deny the claim. Unless you were fighting, something you vowed to yourself to never do again, you were clumsy.

Being abducted and tortured by Hydra may have made you a competent fighter, but your aptitude for tripping over nothing never left.

"Right, sorry!" You greeted everyone else quickly, eager to get situated in your room. "I'm just going to unpack everything." You waved as you backed out of the room, bumping into the wall as you left.

-

You had just finished putting away your stuff when you heard a knock on your door.

"Come in!" You figured someone would have questions for you.

Unsurprisingly, Natasha was the one to step into your room. Of everyone there, you expected her to have learned about your past. It comes with the territory of being a spy.

"Hi, I was hoping to talk to you." Her tone was friendly, but clearly she was skeptical of you. Again, you weren't surprised.

"I thought you might. I'm assuming you read my file? Honestly, I thought everyone would." You laughed gently, shaking your head at yourself.

"I did. Your file is pretty bare bones though. I did some extra digging... Not everyone else is as nosy as me." She grinned, already pleased with your openness. "So, why'd you pretend to be clumsy?"

"Oh, it wasn't pretend. I've always been clumsy. When everything happened, and I learned how to fight, I thought my newfound agility would help. Turns out, it didn't. The only times I'm even the slightest bit coordinated are when I'm fighting or training, but I wasn't lying about that either. When I escaped, I promised myself I wouldn't hurt anyone else."

"Why join the Avengers at all then?" She looked curious, still unsure if she could trust you.

"I wanted to help people. I just didn't want to use the skills they gave me to do it. So, I learned how to code, figured I could help behind the scenes."

She smiled, letting down her guard. Clearly it would take some time, but you could easily see the two of you being close friends.

"So, nobody knows about what you went through?" She couldn't help but be curious about your past.

"Nope. I don't talk about it much, but it's not a secret. I'll answer anything you want to know." You smiled, eager to try and make a real friend here.

You spent the next few hours answering every question Natasha could think of. You told her about being abducted and experimented on.

That lead to even more questions, basically boiling down to the fact that you're not a super soldier, but you do have enhanced senses- and seemingly enhanced clumsiness for when you're not using them.

You told her about learning how to fight, and the punishments you would endure if you got it wrong. The two of you bonded over the shared experience.

Finally, you told her about how you escaped. When the Winter Soldier escaped, every Hydra effort possible was made to find him. That included you. Resources were spread thin, trying to cover more areas. It was the perfect opportunity for you to get out.

"Really, I owe my freedom to him. Even if he doesn't know anything about me." You felt the tears in your eyes, too many emotions swirling through you to keep it all in anymore. "Since then, I've learned everything I could about technology and coding, which pretty much brings you up to date."

Before she could ask anymore questions, there was another knock on your door. Quickly wiping the tears from your eyes, you called another "come in!"

Steve poked his head in the door, cautiously looking between you and Nat.

"I've been sent to stop the interrogation." He grinned, stepping farther into the room.

Nat rose from her spot on the bed, kissing him on the cheek while rolling her eyes. "It wasn't an interrogation. We were bonding."

"Yeah, over what?" He chuckled, trying to figure out what the two of you had in common.

Maybe it was the look in your eyes, or maybe Nat just likes knowing more than everyone, but she smiled conspiratorially at you before responding. "Girl stuff, babe. Just girl stuff."

You smiled as the couple left the room, grateful for not having to explain everything again.

-

Over the next few weeks, the team constantly teased you for your clumsiness. Well, not the whole team. Nat knew the truth, so she never said anything. Peter never teased you either, although that is likely due to the teasing he endures as well.

Weirdly enough, you bonded with the kid over it, eventually telling him about your past as well.

Normally you could shake it off. They clearly didn't mean anything by it. Except Bucky.

Whenever he said anything, he stared you down. His eyes felt like they were piercing your soul. You're not sure exactly why, but he didn't seem to like you much.

Which wouldn't be an issue if you didn't have an embarrassing crush on the man.

Really your infatuation started when you first escaped Hydra. His own escape lead to your freedom, so you admired him. When you found out he was working with the Avengers to help people, you admired him even more.

Watching him on missions is really what caused the infatuation to blossom into a full blown crush.

You, however, would adamantly deny that if anyone ever asked. Which is what just happened.

"What?!" You nearly tripped, again, with how quickly you turned to look at Wanda and Nat.

"You heard me." Nat stared at you, a neutral expression on her face. "When are you going to do something about your crush on Barnes."

"I, I don't- I don't have a crush on Bucky." You stuttered, a lackluster job at denying the truth.

"Please, Y/N. It's so obvious!" Wanda joined in.

The three of you hung out a lot around the compound. It was nice to have a support system to lean on when things got hard.

"Well, even if I did, which I'm not saying I do! He doesn't like me. I don't know what I did, but his eyes feel like daggers whenever we're in the same room." You started out strong, but quickly morphed into a sad resignation. It genuinely upset you that Bucky didn't like you.

"I think I might know what that's about..." Wanda bit her lip, immediately feeling guilty at having said anything.

"What!?" You eagerly turned to her, needing answers. You shuffled your way across the room, never fully rising from your seat on the ground.

"I don't know if I should tell you! I'm not even supposed to know, but sometimes his thoughts are really loud!" Her guilt multiplied.

"You have to tell me now! Then I can fix it!" You were practically begging at her feet from your position on the floor.

She looked at Nat, who just shrugged in return. "Not my place, although I would love to hear it."

"Ugh, fine. But you can't tell anyone I told you!" Wanda glared at the two of you, unable to say no to your pouting face. "The first day we all met you, do you remember what you said?"

Your face scrunched as you tried to remember. "I'm not a big fan of violence?"

She nodded, looking at you as if she just told you everything.

"So?" You asked incredulously, unable to follow her train of thought.

She rolled her eyes, having to spell it out for you. "He kind of took that personally..."

Immediately, you sunk completely to the floor. "Oh, god. Fuck! That's not what I meant at all! I just meant I don't personally like using violence! Shit, shit, shit." You continued to mutter to yourself as Nat and Wanda shared a look.

"Why don't you like using violence?" Wanda asked, intrigued by your reaction.

You thought back to your conversation with Nat the first day you got here. You told her it wasn't a secret, it just wasn't something you brought up.

"Can you just look in my head? I don't really wanna explain it, but I want you to know." You asked, glad to share you past with another friend.

Wanda nodded, seemingly doing nothing until realization dawned on her.

"Oh shit." She whispered, not even realizing she said it out loud.

"Yeah." You huffed out a dry laugh.

"Y/N... I'm so sorry." You smiled at her, having worked through most of the trauma already. "You totally have a crush on Barnes though."

That earned a real laugh. "Hey, that's not what you were in there for!"

"It's not my fault! You were thinking it really loudly!"

The three of you laughed together until you sunk back into a pit of despair.

"What do I do? How do I fix this?" You whined, laying back on the ground like a child.

"I think you just need to talk to him. Explain what you meant." Wanda shrugged, unsure of any other advice to offer you.

"She's right. Just talk to him." Nat nodded along as you whined on the floor.

-

After a few days, you finally worked up enough courage to try and talk to Bucky. He had just finished training, so you knew exactly where he'd be: in the kitchen.

Walking in, you were glad to see him pulling ingredients from the fridge.

"Hey Bucky, can I, um, talk to you for a minute?" You stuttered through the words, nervous about what he would say.

He barely looked at you, nodding his head for you to continue.

"I just, I wanted to apologize." You trailed off when his head snapped up.

"For what?" Well shit. How are you supposed to explain this one without ratting out Wanda.

"Oh, well, um... I just thought maybe I said- I did something that upset you. Uh, you just don't seem to like me very much, which is totally cool, you don't have to like me if you don't want to. I just didn't want it to be my fault... Fuck." That went horribly. Taking a deep breath, you started over. "I didn't mean it."

Bucky is looking at you like you have three heads. "Didn't mean what?"

"That I don't like violence."

"So you do... like violence." He'd somehow grown more confused.

"Well, no." You paused, unsure of how to explain yourself.

"Then you did mean it." His soul piercing stare is back.

"I-"

"It's fine, save it. Some people get to choose not to be violent." And with that, he left the kitchen, abandoning his post workout smoothie.

You stared at the doorway, in shock over how poorly that went. You stood there , unaware of the 25 minutes that had passed, trying to figure out how it could've gone better when Steve found you.

"Y/N? What are you doing?"

You didn't hear him, too lost in the memories. Memories of Hydra, forcing you to do things you never wanted to. This happened from time to time if something triggered you into remembering, otherwise you had a handle on your emotions.

"Y/N?" Steve said your name again, concern evident in his voice. He gently laid a hand on your shoulder, trying to get your attention.

Everything happened so fast after that. The feeling of someone's hand on your shoulder caused you to panic. With all the memories of Hydra in your head, your training kicked in instinctually.

You grabbed Steve's arm, pulling him closer to you for better leverage. Before he could question your moves, you flipped him, pinning him to the ground.

The second you made eye contact, you realized what just happened. Horror and regret flashed in your eyes.

In an effort to get off him, you threw yourself backward, knocking into a cart full of pots and pans. The clanging of metal hitting the ground echoed through the small room.

Steve sat up slowly, trying to register the turn of events. You sat in a ball on the floor, tears pooling in your eyes, mumbling apologies over and over again.

Sam, having heard the commotion from the pots and pans, ran into the kitchen ready to fight.

"What- What happened?" He asked in confusion, lowering his arms from their defensive position.

"I don't know." Steve looked at you, still trying to figure it out.

"Y/N?" Sam's voice was gentle, but it still startled you.

You jumped from the ground, rushing to help Steve get up. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. I never wanted to hurt anyone again." Your breathing was picking up, short bursts of air leaving your lungs. Your hands were shaking as you pulled him from the ground.

Your panic increased as you took in their concerned expressions.

"Hey, look at me." Steve's Captain voice, came out, urging you to make eye contact. You followed orders, breathing rapidly, your whole body shaking.

"I'm going to touch you now, is that okay?" His words were gentle, but commanding, causing you to nod in response.

He pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on your back.

You wanted to explain, to tell them what happened, but all that came out was a pitiful "Bucky".

"Do you want me to get Bucky?" Sam asked, trying to understand you.

The idea of Bucky coming back caused your panic to increase. You shook your head rapidly, "No! No no no no no." You kept repeating the word, shaking in Steve's arms.

"Okay! Okay, no Bucky." Sam reassured you, voice calm and soothing.

You’re not sure how long you stood like that. Sam moved around the kitchen, cleaning up the pots and pans you had knocked over.

When your breathing steadied, Steve asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

You nodded, leading the two men to the couch in the adjacent common area. You sat for a minute, unsure of where to start.

"Why don't you just lead us through it all?" Steve suggested, still rubbing your back.

You nodded, grateful for the starting point. "I went to the kitchen to apologize to Bucky."

"What for?" Sam interrupted, already confused.

"Sam! Just let her talk." Steve muttered, slightly annoyed.

"Sorry!" He glared back at Steve before turning to you, "Sorry, please continue."

You couldn't help but laugh at their banter.

"Right, I wanted to apologize for what I said the first day I met you all. I realized how it sounded, so I wanted to try and fix it." You paused, waiting for the recognition to hit them.

It didn't take long. The two men nodded, silently urging you to continue.

"Honestly, Wanda told me that was why he always seems mad at me. You have to know, I never meant for it to come across that way! It's more of a personal, 'I don't want to be violent' than shunning others for doing what's necessary." You took a deep breath, not eager to relive the conversation.

"Anyway, I told him I didn't mean it. I just couldn't explain it right, and he got upset, which makes sense!" You turned to look between them, not wanting them to think you were insulting Bucky in any way. "I don't hold what he did against him. It wasn't his choice, and I completely understand that. I just couldn't put that into words when I was talking to him, and I made everything worse."

Tears popped into your eyes again, upset at what he must be going through. You weren't with Hydra for but a tenth of the time he was, and you didn't endure the same level of brainwashing.

"He said something about some people not being able to choose not to be violent, and then he left. I don't know how long I was standing in the kitchen replaying the conversation, but it brought up bad memories for me." You sighed again, working up the nerve to tell them everything.

"Wanda and Nat already know, but I guess it's your guys's turn. This was so much easier to just have Wanda read my mind." You laughed at your own joke, the two men sharing a concerned look.

"I was taken... by Hydra. They experimented on me, gave me enhanced senses, trained me to fight, and punished me when I did something wrong." Again, tears sprung into your eyes, occasionally falling down your cheeks.

"Why wasn't this in your file?" Steve questioned, more to himself than you.

"I haven't got a clue. I guess nobody knew about me? But, I escaped. They didn't brainwash me like they did Bucky, because I don't have the serum. Or, at least, I think that's why." You shook your head, refocusing on the important parts.

"When every available Hydra agent was tasked with searching for the Winter Soldier, I took it as on opportunity. Their resources were spread thin. I was able to getaway."

You went onto explain your reasoning for joining the Avengers as a tech specialist, trying to convey the same earnestness you did with Nat.

"You can ask Nat or Wanda too. Nat found out day one, Wanda a few days ago." You wiped your tears, hoping they believed you. "Actually, Peter knows too."

"I was stuck in all those memories when you came into the kitchen. I didn't even register that you were in the room, so when you touched me I freaked out. I never meant to hurt you!"

You looked at Steve fearful that he would be upset.

"Y/N, I believe you." You cried tears of relief at his statement, genuinely exhausted from the day. "It's not your fault, and you didn't hurt me. Just caught me off guard. You're surprisingly agile when you want to be." He tried to lighten the mood, glad to hear you laugh.

"Well, I train in the middle of the night sometimes. I- I want to be able to get out if I'm ever forced back there." Your voice was quiet, admitting a secret you hadn't even told Nat.

"We won't let that happen." The sternness of Sam's voice surprised you.

"Thank you." You wiped your tears a final time, looking between the two men. "Now, what do I do about Bucky?" You refocused your energy on fixing your relationship with the super soldier.

"He never would have said what he said if he had known." Steve started the conversation, defending his friend.

"I know. I don't hold it against him, I just wish I could explain. I get so nervous when he looks at me like that." You rambled, too tired to filter your thoughts.

"Like what?" Sam asked, eager for more information to tease Bucky with.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know. Like he can see into my soul." You deadpanned, earning a laugh from both men. "I just want him to like me." You nearly whined, upset by your poor relationship.

"Like you, huh?" Steve grinned. Nat and Wanda chose that exact moment to walk into the room, eagerly joining the conversation.

"Barnes? Did you tell him how you feel?" Wanda squealed with excitement.

You buried your head in your hands, avoiding the knowing looks the four of them were surely sharing. "Not exactly." You gestured to your head, hoping Wanda would figure it out and share with Nat.

"Ooh... It didn't go well, basically Barnes got upset, Y/N flipped Steve and had a panic attack, then told these two everything." Wanda explained to Nat quickly, trying not to make you relive it.

"We need a plan." Nat declared.

"No, I just need to learn how to have a conversation with the man." You rolled your eyes at yourself. "I'll try talking to him again." You went to leave the room, turning around to glare at them. "And none of you can say a word of this to Bucky."

-

Despite you request, Steve still tried to talk to Bucky.

"What's up with you?" Steve questioned, trying to subtly pry into Bucky's thoughts.

"Nothing. Why?" Bucky answered in a questioning tone, trying to figure out Steve's motives.

"I heard you talked to Y/N is all. How'd it go?" He gave up on the subtle approach pretty quickly, knowing Bucky wouldn't answer a question that wasn't asked.

"How did you even hear that, punk?" Bucky deflected.

"Not the point. Answer the question."

"Not great. I messed it up." Bucky sighed, annoyed at himself for barging out of the room. "She said wanted to apologize, that she didn't mean what she said." He ran his hands through his hair, struggling to explain where it all went wrong.

"Would've been fine if I could follow what she was saying. She was rambling about me not liking her, which you and I both know isn't true. Ugh, i've never been mad at her. I'm mad at myself! At Hydra for making me a monster! How could she ever like me if she doesn't like violence? My entire past is violent." He huffed, having worked himself up again.

"You're not a monster, Buck." Steve started gently.

"I know you think that." Steve gave him a pointed glare. "I know, okay? But what does she think?"

"Maybe you should try talking to her. You might be surprised by what you learn." Steve clapped him on the shoulder, trying to reassure him, before leaving the room.

-

Everytime you tried to talk to Bucky, something got in the way. The first time, he was called in for an emergency mission before you even got the word hello out.

The second time, Tony walked into the common area, completely oblivious to the tension, and put on a movie.

The third time, Steve and Nat interrupted you. You were just about to apologize again after an awkward greeting when the elevator doors opened. The sounds of the cheerful laughter and stolen kisses didn't really set the mood for confessing your past with Hydra.

The fourth, and final time, was the most embarrassing.

You walked into the room on a mission. You were going to talk to him, no matter who decided to walk in.

"Bucky, I really need to-" and you tripped on a toy Morgan left out, causing you to tumble to the ground. That would have been embarrassing enough, but there's more.

In your effort to get up, you tripped again, hitting your head on the coffee table, causing you to bleed profusely.

"Shit." You cursed yourself, holding your hand up to your bleeding forehead.

"Are you okay?" Bucky rushed to you from the other side of the table, concerned with the amount of blood spewing from your head.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Unfortunately, you chose that moment to jokingly reference your past.

Some of the people who tortured you had a sick sense of humor. Whenever they would hit you hard enough to make you bleed, they said something about only having one head. A play on words because of the greek serpent with multiple heads.

"Head wounds bleed a lot, I'm lucky I only have one." You froze instantly, unsure if he would have had a similar experience. Slowly, you looked up in an effort to make eye contact.

Bucky was also frozen in place. Clearly he understood the reference.

"Wh- where did you hear that?" Bucky struggled with his sentence, trying not to flashback to his time at Hydra.

"Oh my god. I'm so so sorry." You instantly started apologizing, trying to backtrack. "I really need to learn when to stop fucking talking." You said more to yourself than him.

"Where did you hear it?" He asked again, putting more power behind his words.

"Um, well, i've been trying to tell you for weeks now, but um, I also kind of, have, um, well, you see-"

"Just spit it out." There was the slightly miffed Bucky you were used to.

"I was taken. By Hydra. 9 years ago. Um, they forced me to learn how to fight. Tortured me if I did anything wrong. Forced me to do things..." You trailed off, realizing you didn't need to give him many details. He has first hand experience.

"Y/N, I-" You cut him off before he could say anything else.

"That's why I don't like using violence. I only know how to do that stuff because they made me learn it. I didn't want to use the skills they gave me." You took a deep, grounding breath.

"I don't blame you for anything you were forced to do. It wasn't your choice. You're not a violent person, and your past actions don't define who you are. You're here to help people. That's what you chose. That's who you are."

You made eye contact before you continued. "I've actually wanted to thank you for the longest time."

"For what?" He was incredulous, wildly caught off guard by everything you've said.

"The only reason I had an opportunity to escape was because 2 years ago, you escaped. If Hydra's resources hadn't been spread so thin trying to find you, I probably would've never got out. So thank you. For being strong enough to fight back."

You smiled at him, still unsure of how he was feeling.

"I... I'm so sorry." To say you were stunned was an understatement. What the hell could he have to be sorry about? Sure he was a little rude, but from your point of view he was completely justified in hating you.

"Bucky, you have no reason to be sorry. You didn't know, and I couldn't get out of my head enough to tell you. You just make me nervous." You clapped a hand over your mouth, shocked at having said what you just said.

You could see his face fall ever so slightly, causing you to jump back into your explanation.

"Not because I'm scared of you or anything! Hell, I could probably take you in a fight." You winked, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, judging by the slight smirk on his face.

"I just, I've looked up to you for so long. Your determination to do good after everything you've been through is really inspiring. It's actually why I wanted to join the Avengers in the first place. I never would have-" You would have kept rambling if he hadn't stopped you.

"Y/N, I am sorry, and I do have reason to be. There's no excuse for what I said to you in the kitchen that day. Even if I didn't know, I threw everything you've been through back in your face. If someone had done that to me, I probably would have had a panic attack." He tried joking, but by the way you froze he could tell he struck a nerve.

"You had a panic attack? I'm so sorry! God, I just left you all alone and-"

It was your turn to cut him off. "Actually, I was kind of frozen in place until Steve touched me and I maybe threw him to the ground... Then I had a panic attack..." You smiled, trying to convey the joke. "So, I wasn't alone. Sam was actually also there. If anything, it made me better friends with both of them because I told them everything. So I have you to thank for that to." You playfully nudged his side.

He ran his hands through his hair, then down his face, clearly trying to deal with his own guilt.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't know. It happened. We're good now, so we can move on." You smiled, trying to cheer him up.

"How are you so relaxed about all of this? You were tortured for years... I..." He was genuinely curious, trying to find a way to cope with his own pain.

"Well, even before that I always thought therapy could be helpful for me, so I really jumped in full force when I was free. Plus, if you can't joke about something, you haven't really moved on. Some days are harder than others, but I just try to appreciate the people I have now and the good experiences I've been lead to." You kept the tone light, trying not to get too emotional.

He just stared at you for a few minutes, making you questions everything.

"I mean, it's totally different for you though! I was only there for 7 years, you were forced into all that for like 10 times as long. I didn't mean to belittle-"

"I think you inspire me just as much as you say I've inspired you." He cut you off again, a small smile growing on your lips.

"Well, in the spirit of our newfound friendship, can I be totally honest?" You bit your lip, nervous about telling him the truth.

He looked nervous as well, but nodded anyway.

"I kind of, maybe, sort of have a crush on you." You watched his expression carefully, although there was really no need. His face easily gave away his surprise.

"You..." He stuttered, moving his fingers between the two of you. "Me? But, I was so mean!"

"What can I say, I saw through the facade... Well, really Wanda accidentally read your mind and told me why you were so upset around me when her and Nat teamed up to get me to tell you how I feel." You rambled again, realization dawning that you accidentally outed Wanda.

"But you can't tell her I told you that! She didn't mean to! She just said you think really loud sometimes and it's hard not to hear it! She did it to me too actually, I mean I told her she could look in my head so I wouldn't have to explain everything again, I know so lazy, and that's how she confirmed my crush on you." You said it all with wide eyes at a rapid speed, unable to control yourself around Bucky.

You slapped your hands over your mouth, forcing yourself to stop talking. Bucky looked on in amusement, slowly reaching to pull your hands away from your face.

"I won't tell her, if you get dinner with me tonight." He smiled cheekily, relishing in your blush.

"That's a deal I'm willing to make." You reached your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek before running to get ready.

***

Bonus:

Sam whined playfully as he looked at the high scores. "Whose username is 'God is a spoon' and how did they get so good at this game?"

He looked around the room, eying any suspicious candidates. Everyone denied it, throwing out accusations left and right.

It was another of Tony's team bonding nights and he chose VR games on the oculus. Obviously, Beat Saber was a top contender amongst the group.

You walked in with Bucky, unaware of the conversation going on, but immediately joining it.

"Peter! I bet it was him!" You playfully nudged the younger Avenger, having formed a close friendship in the early days. "What am I betting on?" Everyone laughed, happy to see you in a good mood after being so stressed for so long.

"Whose username is 'God is a spoon'." Sam chuckled after filling you in. You and Bucky settled on the couch, cuddling next to each other.

"Oh, that's me. Why?" You looked around curiously, trying to figure out what they wanted. "Is it a weird username? It was actually one of the catchphrase things in Just Dance on the switch, I didn't just think of it." You tried to justify yourself, causing more laughter.

"You?! How did you get all the highscores on this game? I thought you were the clumsy one."

You made an exaggerated face to show how offended you were, playfully swatting at Sam.

"I'll have you know, 7 years of Hydra 'training' and experimentation has its perks." You joked with the room. "One of them being I can beat your ass at pretty much any video game."

"Oh, you're so on." Sam smiled, glad he could joke around with you about it.

Meanwhile, Tony looked incredulously around the room, being the only one in the room who hadn't heard about your history, he was rightfully confused.

"I'm sorry, 7 years of WHAT?"

[thebeautyoffanfics]

TBHK boys get break up pranked by reader ?angst to fluff please!!😢👉👈

kou minamoto x gn!reader, teru minamoto x gn!reader, akane aoi x gn!reader, tsuchigomori x gn!reader, hanako x gn!reader, tsukasa yugi x gn!reader, mitsuba sousuke x gn!reader

a/n: heck yea, we love angst to fluff!!!! Thank you so much for requesting <33 (also, by tbhk boys, i just kinda,,, threw my favorites, and some characters that seem to be requested fairly often in there! If i missed anyone you particularly wanted to see, feel free to let me know, and i’ll gladly add them <3)

Also, I’m sorry that these are so short,,;; i’m not entirely sure how to lengthen them;;;; and I’m not sure how well they fit into angst to fluff,,,, i’m really sorry;;;

warnings: none <3

word count: 1,939

Kou Minamoto <3

“Kou, I… I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s going to work between us. I think we should break up.”

Please, don’t make me describe his face… please, don’t do this to me… my heart, my heart hurts just thinking about it. But- his heart hurts worse.

His eyes will widen, but they won’t be filled with the usual sparkle of joy he gets when looking at you. His usual smile and blush will quickly drain from his face, as he narrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“H… huh-?”

“You heard me, Kou. Don’t make me say it again.”

He does his best not to cry on the spot, and you’ll instantly start to feel guilty. You try not to let the guilt get under your skin just yet- it’s a prank. You know it’s a prank, but Kou doesn’t.

“Why? What- what did I do?”

“It’s nothing you did, Kou. We just… can’t work out. Really, it isn’t you.”

His mouth forms a straight line, slightly panicking, but he’ll nod. That… makes sense. No- no, it really doesn’t- not for your relationship. You seemed happy, didn’t you? Did he say something? Did he hurt you? What happened-??

“No, wait, Kou, no- don’t cry, don’t cry-”

“I’m not! No worries, (Y/N), it’s fine, I’ll-”

“It’s a prank, Kou! Please, don’t cry-”

He’d pause, blinking a bit, then tilting his head slightly- confusion written all over his face.

It settled in for a moment, as you hugged him, Kou hugging back instantly. Once it clicked, he was instantly relieved, tightening the hug a bit and huffing.

“You scared me, (Y/N)... I wasn’t crying though. But you did scare me- please, don’t do that again.”

“I’m sorry, Kou, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again, I promise!”

Teru Minamoto <3

“I’m sorry, Teru, but I don’t think things can work between us anymore. It’s not you, I just… think we should see other people.”

He’ll raise his eyebrows, then narrow them, confusion evident on his face, much like his brother reacted. He wouldn’t lose his cool- he wouldn’t get emotional. However, he did feel his heart aching.

“Ah… alright. I’m sorry if I did anything, (Y/N). Is there any way we could make things work? Talk to me.”

“You didn’t do anything, Teru. I just- I just don’t think it can work. Sorry.”

Teru bit his lip a bit, nodding. He turned, planning to walk away, but-

But you wouldn’t let him walk away :)) so, you grabbed his wrist.

He’d turn around, offering you a confused expression, the hurt still evident on his face. Honestly, he really needed to get home to sort out his emotions. “If you would, please, let go, (Y/N).”

“Sorry, sorry, Teru! Can’t do that!” You chirped, tugging him a bit so he’d face you.

Our boy is so confused- why are you suddenly in a better mood??

OH-

“It was a prank!” You declared, tossing your hands up, “don’t be mad, please!”

Teru sighed, placing a hand on his chest. “Oh, thank goodness, (Y/N). I was so scared… of course, I wasn’t about to let you go that easily, but, still-”

He pulled you into a hug, resting his head on top of yours. Expect a slightly more affectionate Teru- he’s gonna be a tad bit paranoid now. No way is anyone gonna take you from him >:((

Akane Aoi <3

“Akane, I think we should… break up.”

Panic. Instant panic. You can see the panic on his face immediately, as his eyes widen.

No, no way. This couldn’t be happening to him- years of pining after Aoi, only to have you introduced into his life. You were someone he loved as dearly as he did Aoi. Someone who returned his feelings.

Having you love him was the best feeling ever… this, on the other hand, was anything but nice.

“Break up-? Why??”

He’ll reach for your arms, heart breaking when you stepped back, looking away from him. To him, you were looking away because you felt bad for having to split up. In reality, you were looking away to avoid the guilt slowly bubbling up in your stomach. It’s a prank- that’s what you had to tell yourself. In just a few moments you could hug him and smother his precious face in kisses.

“Because… you’re,” You stepped forward, booping his nose, “too cute!”

“........(Y/N), I promise you, if this is a prank-”

“It’s a prank~!”

Akane groaned, rolling his eyes, but placing his head against your shoulder. “(Y/NNNNN), honestlyyyyy.”

You patted his back, then wrapped your arms around him, kissing the side of his face gently. “I’m sorry, Akaneeee...”

“You’re fine…” He responded, wrapping his arms around you. He may sulk just a tiny bit, but he won’t be like that for long. By the next day, he’ll be acting normal- though he may use that prank against you lightheartedly.

Tsuchigomori <3

“Tsuchigomori… I’m sorry, but I think we should see other people,” You spoke. Goodness knows you had to put all of your acting skills into this one, since Tsuchigomori could see through lies easier than anyone else you knew.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.” “(Y/N), you literally cannot keep secrets from me. Lying is no different. What kind of prank is this? A trend?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair- your reaction brought a grin to your spider-like boyfriend’s face.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sure I would have been fairly hurt if you were being genuine, so… don’t bother with jokes like that.”

(Actually, there was a part of him concerned that you were being honest. But! He trusted his instincts, praying that you were just joking. He had never been happier to tell truth from lies.)

Hanako <3

“Hanako… I’m sorry, I don’t think things will work between us. We should break up.”

“Hah?”

A million thoughts run through his mind, despite his somewhat unreadable expression. Was it because he was dead? Of course- he knew it would happen. Who would be willing to date a ghost? A murderer at that. He was unlovable. He knew it.

“...I understand, (Y/N), but… don’t play with my heart like that.”

“I’m not playing around, Hanako. Stop taking everything like it’s a joke.”

Hanako shrugged, ignoring how his heart ached. “I think the joke is you not considering things like the obvious before you accepted my confession. Dating a supernatural is clearly not easy, and you walked into this knowing that.”

This time, you were the one with an unreadable expression. What… did he mean? Was he scolding you? Or… rejecting your rejection-?

“What do you mean?” You sighed, faking annoyance as you placed a hand on your hip.

“I mean, you got yourself into this relationship, so you should be willing to stick with it until the end~. I get it though, so, if you really didn’t think that far, then so be it-”

“Fine, I give in.”

Hanako raised his eyebrows, holding a hand to his mouth, curious as to what you were about to say. Did he really just uno reverse your break up?

“It was aaaaaa prank,” You added, pulling your lower eyelid down and sticking your tongue out. It was impressive- you almost seemed similar to him! Impressive indeed!

Hanako grinned, the pain on his heart being suddenly lifted as he basically tackled you into a hug. Kisses were placed against your cheek, before he nuzzled the side of his face into yours.

“I knew you couldn’t do me like that, (Y/NNNN)~.”

Did he really know that? Of course not. And that fear would never leave him, worrying that he would one day not be enough for you. But! For now, the two of you were together, happy in the relationship you were in. That was enough for him <3

Tsukasa Yugi <3

“We should break up, Tsukasa. I’m really sorry, it just… can’t work.”

Won’t let you break up with him. He won’t- he genuinely won’t.

Clings to you, pouting up at you, as you look down at him, feigning sadness.

“I’m sorry, Tsukasa- please, let go of me.”

“Nope! You’re mine, (Y/N). You can’t break up with me!! You’re mine- forever and ever, no matter what!”

(His expression was wide-eyed and somewhat innocent, but thinking about his words… they were certainly questionable.)

You tried to play along a bit more. Telling him you were serious, attempting to push him away. But, that was to no avail. Tsukasa wasn’t giving in, so you eventually had to-

“Alright, alright. It was a prank, Tsukasa… though I guess it didn’t get far with you.”

“Haha! Nope! And you won’t get far either <3”

“Huh?”

“Hm?”

Honestly? Who knows what that meant. You didn’t get it, and you couldn’t be sure Tsukasa understood either. All he knew was he loved you- therefore, he wouldn’t let you do something so silly like break up with him! Like Tsuchigomori, he's virtually impossible to break-up prank- like Hanako, he's virtually impossible to actually break up with.

Mitsuba Sousuke <3

“I… I think we should break up, Mitsuba. It’s not you, really-”

“Tch. Of course it isn’t me, idiot,” Mitsuba interrupted. He wasn’t there to listen to the extent of your acting skills (though he didn’t realize you were acting). “If you’re gonna split up with me, just get it over with. We should break up? Fine. Not like a pervert like you deserves someone as cute and pure as me anyway.”

Despite his words and furrowed eyebrows, his eyes alone showed how heartbroken he felt. His lower lip trembled a bit, though he attempted to stop it by pouting. No, he wouldn’t be the one crying in this situation! Not yet, at least-

“Great then. I’m glad we’re on the same page.” You retorted, laughing bitterly. Ahh, no, this was getting too real for him- you were serious, weren’t you? Could this be a joke?

Mmh, who cared? Mitsuba was here to defend himself, even if it was at the cost of your feelings. If you were going to hurt his heart like that, then he’d do his best to take a jab at yours- or at least your ego.

“Great. Then, why are you lingering? Getting a last look at my cute face?”

“Hm… yeah-”

“Pervert.”

“Excuse mE, let me finish,” You sighed, ruffling his hair lightly, “surprise! It’s a prank!”

His face was honestly golden- his reaction to hearing that it was a prank even better than his reaction when the prank was in action. Eyebrows furrowed in confusion, though watering just barely from the previous aching in his heart, mouth agape slightly.

Then, his eyebrows furrowed deeper, displaying anger. The way his shoulders sank for a moment showed his relief, though they tensed up quickly, as he prepared himself to yell at you. “Idiot! Pervert! Who do you think you are, trying to play with my heart like that?! What right do you have to-”

You cut him off by cupping his face, pouting slightly- his face burned as he avoided eye contact, hand raised slightly as if contemplating pushing you away. It was clear he didn’t really want you to stop though.

“Sorry, sorry~. I just wanted to get a reaction out of you, Mitsuba. You’ve got very cute reactions, you know?”

“Hmph. You sound like you’re quoting porn-”

“Mention porn one more time and the prank won’t be a prank anymore-”

“Liar. Idiot. Stupid pervert, you’re a liar.”

You laughed lightly, squishing his face as you closed your eyes. “Maybe I’m a tad bit of a liar. But, when you pretend to not be upset, I’m sure you’re lying as well~.”

“Hah. I don’t lie.”

[thesunicarusfellfor]

WAIT WAIT— what if 👀 what if Yandere!Tubbo and Yandere!Tommy falling for the reader at the same time

BROO— THE ANGST POSSIBILITIES

ooooooOOOOO DAMN this one is gonna be good! I love the way you think! So I wrote this as headcanons, but I will write this as an actual story if requested. ^^

This is not exactly implied romantic??? I'm still scared about writing their characters as directly romantic????? I'll probably get braver about it but still lowkey worried.

Yandere!C!Tommy x GN!Reader x Yandere!C!Tubbo Headcanon/Fic

Tommy, at first, completely denied even acknowledging your existence.

Until he saw someone interact with you.

Then he would start pulling out his sword or glaring at them from across the room.

He would definitely pin them in an alleyway and threaten every single one of their canon lives.

Tommy, please. Niki was just trying to give you cookies.

He's the kind of Yandere that would greatly keep his distance both physically, emotionally and mentally. Basically, he would be a Tsundere Yandere.

Tubbo, on the other hand, would be extremely sweet to you.

Need netherite? He had an extra few ingots ready in his pockets!

Interacting with someone who wasn't him? Was he not good enough for you??? Fine. You don't deserve him.

He would cry to you and make you feel guilty OR completely ignore you for a week straight until you come crawling back to him and apologizing.

Straight up can flip emotions like a switch.

The first time either of them realized the other liked you as well, was when they were listening to Mellohi on their bench, watching the sunset when they saw you having a conversation with Ranboo at the bottom of the cliff.

"What're they doing talking to him?" Tommy growled lowly and leaned forward to glared at the enderman who was talking to you. He reached for his bow n' arrow before Tubbo grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks, "What? I don't want them talking to anyone but me."

"What do you mean 'anyone but you'?! You avoid them like they're a virus!" Tubbo stared at him, digging his fingers into Tommy's bicep a small bit to show his anger a bit more, "They should only be talking to me."

The blond turned towards his brunet friend and yanked his arm out of his grasp, "Excuse me?" He glared into Tubbo's dull blue eyes, gritting his teeth, "You do nothing but give them stuff!"

"And you treat them like shit and avoid them!" The smaller of the two retorted angrily, trying to keep his tone level enough to where you didn't hear.

Mellohi, the music that had been playing mere moments ago, slowly came to a stop and left nothing but silence and tension in the air. You had noticed them arguing from below, but Ranboo (who had heard their entire argument) decided to pull you away from them and bring you to the Tundra.

"Are you trying to take everything from me?!" Tommy tightened his grip on his diamond sword, although part of him knew that if Tubbo equipped his netherite armour, there would be absolutely no competition whatsoever.

"Take things from you?! They're a human being and you choose to ignore that fact when you ignore them or call them terrible names!"

"I treat everyone like that! You already have Ranboo, I don't understand why you're chasing after them with hearts in your eyes when you're fuckin' married! Loyal much! Oh wait, you aren't loyal, you EXILED ME!"

"It's platonic! I told you that already! And you're starting this again now, Tommy?!"

Ranboo actually felt nervous leaving you alone around both Tommy AND/OR Tubbo after hearing their entire argument that day.

Tommy, although now a lot nicer, became extremely clingy towards you and constantly would walk over and drag you away mid-conversation with anyone that wasn't him. ESPECIALLY if you were talking to Tubbo.

Man would bring you everywhere with him if you would let him.

Netherite mining? Get your pick.

To get new discs? Pack your bags, we're going on an adventure.

Straight up does everything he can do to get you away from Tubbo because he's petty.

He tried giving you as many gifts as Tubbo, but mans is broke.

Tubbo would get extremely annoyed by Tommy even just walking through the area when he was with you.

Would start to hold your hand or link arms with you (if you're comfortable), just so Tommy couldn't pull you away as easily.

Started to try guilt-tripping you into living in Snowchester, and even tried to get you to live in the mansion.

Ranboo actually lied to Tubbo, saying he was scared of enderwalking and hurting you, to convince Tubbo not to guilt-trip you further into living in the mansion.

Tubbo's constant gift-giving got so much more extreme.

Want netherite ingots to make armour?

Nope. No lifting a finger.

He already made you fully enchanted netherite god armour anyway.

Has definitely tried to convince Ranboo to let him involve you in the platonic marriage.

"Ranboo! My beloved!" Tubbo called jokingly, walking into their home. He kicked the snow on his boots before pulling down his hood and taking off his hat, hanging it on the hook as he took off his footwear, "I have a proposition for you!"

The monochrome-coloured man lifted his head and set down the journal in his hand, the ink likely still wet judging by the quill in his hand, "Yeah? What's that?" He placed the feathered pen in the pot of ink and turned to face his platonic husband.

"What would you say to extending our marriage to three people? Like a polyamorous relationship. Like Sapnap, Karl and Big Q?" Tubbo sat down in the chair beside him, watching as Ranboo was left reeling for a few seconds.

"W-well, one, I think you mean expanding. Two, with who?!" The tall male sat up quickly, bumping his leg on the table from his minor flailing, "A-and, and, what about Michael? Are you sure they can be trusted with him?"

Tubbo held out his hand to calm his friend down, making his friend put his hands down so he didn't accidentally hit something, "You know what I meant, and (Y/n)! Y'know... Like, the one with (h/l) (h/c) hair, (tall/short)! (Y/n), them!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know who they are, it's just..." He paused to gather his words, glancing away from his friend. In all reality, he wouldn't mind inviting you into the platonic marriage, even if he knew Tubbo felt more romantic feelings towards you. He didn't shut up about it. It was the fact that he was worried about what kind of mental manipulation Tubbo would do to you if you did agree to be in the marriage. Or even what Tommy would do to you or Tubbo!

"...Just?"

'Your relationship with Tommy is beyond screwed already... Imagine what would happen if both of his friends left him to be in a platonic relationship with me. Tubbo, all of us would be in severe danger.' He thought silently before taking a breath. "I-I don't have my enderwalking state under control... I'm already scared for Michael enough, and I don't want to hurt her as well... Give it some time and we'll see. Please.." He whispered, lying through his teeth. Ranboo knew you were damn good at protecting yourself and could knock his long and lanky ass to the dirt within seconds.

Tubbo's bright shiny eyes seemed to glaze over for a moment as his smile began to falter, "Ah... Yeah. I guess that makes sense. For their safety I suppose." His normal look returned and he gave him a smile, "Yeah, that does make a lot of sense. I'll ask again next month to see what happens."

"What... What about Tommy-"

"What about him?" He demanded sharply, his smile vanishing in mere seconds which caught Ranboo off guard yet again, "He doesn't need to be in their life. He would do more harm to them than good!"

Ranboo was left gaping, his mouth moving but not creating any sounds. He watched as Tubbo eyed him carefully before he got up, murmuring something about grabbing food then going to bed.

Once the goat hybrid was completely out of sight, Ranboo reached for his memory book and took the quill again.

'Protect (Y/n) from Tubbo and Tommy. Get them out of DreamSMP.'

Ranboo was scared for you.

He was stuck watching as these crazy two men fought over you, threatened you, manipulated you... It was worrying, to say the least.

Don't get him wrong. If he didn't have an adopted son, a platonic husband that he still cared about despite him being another Dream at this point, and a Syndicate to protect him from, he would've packed everything and ran, bringing you with him.

He was practically walking on eggshells around this man that he had once been extremely close to!

It practically sent shivers down his spine...

Eventually, it got to the point where Ranboo had gone to your house in the ungodly hours of the morning to talk to you.

This man LITERALLY crept into Tubbo's room AND Tommy's house to make sure they were both asleep before going to talk to you.

"Ran... Boo?" You asked, yawning softly as you leaned against the door, your hair all frizzy and messed up, "What's up? It'sssss... Like 5:30am. The sun is barely even up..."

"(Y/n)... Can we go inside? Please... There's something very wrong.." He murmured softly, his memory book tightly held in his grasp as he glanced around. Tommy could be waking up sometime soon, and he did not want to get caught talking to you. He would certainly be down a canon life before he could even say 'sorry'.

You watched the nervous man in front of you and nodded before stepping aside to let him in. Peaking outside, you looked around for what was causing him to panic but went back inside once you didn't see anything. "What's wrong?" Softening your tone, you gestured for him to sit at the table while you made coffee.

Once he had a fresh mug of coffee in front of him, Ranboo slowly began to gather his nerve and speak. He told you everything he could remember, and even opened his memory book to tell you about the things he didn't remember. Everything from the fight where Tommy and Tubbo's friendship completely went downhill a few months ago, to the threats Tubbo used against Tommy, the manipulation against you, the threats he had received by talking to you, and even Tubbo's violent mood switches when talking about you or Tommy.

The entire time, you just sat there wide-eyed as you listened to him ramble on about his fears and worries, and everything in between. He even mentioned wanting to actually divorce Tubbo because of how scared he was for you and his own life. "I don't... Not... Believe you... But this is- this is a little difficult to believe." You knew the enderman hybrid wouldn't lie about something so serious, and he definitely wouldn't be shaking like a leaf if it was a joke or a lie.

"Y-yeah, I expected that... But I really do care about your safety, honestly. You know I wouldn't joke about this kind of thing, especially about Tubbo." He murmured softly, looking at his crown laying on the table in front of him, "In all honesty, I came here this early because I was scared about Tommy trying to kill me if he saw me talking to you..."

"He wouldn't ki-"

The door slammed open dramatically and there was a cheerful shout of your name, "(Y/n)!!! Let's go mining for diamon-" Tommy walked into your kitchen, only to freeze mid-step and midfacial expression. His expression went from surprised to annoyance to a grim smile, "Hello Ranboo!" He gave him a smile that was more like baring his teeth as he twirled his axe nonchalantly.

He was going to hurt him...

[bigassheart]

I’ve seen a couple posts about how everyone was wildly out of character and totally inconsistent this season and I’m just like... were you guys paying attention? 

1. Luther

Arguably the biggest shift in character between the two seasons, but it makes sense. Luther spent a year fending for himself and thinking his entire family was dead. 

This is the first time in his life that he had to hold down a job and actually live on his own. It was literally his first time living out in the world among anyone other than his family, and you can see in his reactions with the other characters from that life (the boss, his landlord, those kids that idolize him, and the waitress) that it has really mellowed him out. It has allowed him to be more normal, despite being very much not normal. You can see the way he’s so much more comfortable in his skin. Literally the only times he looks uncomfortable is when he’s fighting people, shirt off and body on full display. He’s still not comfortable with that, but he’s not trying to hide under huge overcoats anymore. He has people in his life who accept him for being a little weird, but really do treat him normal. 

So is he a little less uptight and mission focused? Yeah. Because he can finally see another life, and it’s the life that he honestly did want in season 1 but felt like he couldn’t have because he was number 1 and he had a responsibility to his dad, his family, and the academy to be the leader. Having a year on his own frees him of all that. 

But he also spent all that time thinking his family was dead and feeling so guilty about it. You can see in his very first interaction with Vanya, where he suddenly feels that responsibility again. He brings a gun, not knowing what’s going to happen and, despite what he told Five, he absolutely does still have that lingering feeling of responsibility. But then he sees Vanya and she’s not a threat and everything he has been holding in for the last year comes out. Because he does feel guilty as hell for what he did to Vanya, but also for the fact that his actions pushed her into causing the apocalypse. He spent a year with the knowledge that he did that and thinking that his family was dead because of his actions. 

He’s willing to listen now because he spent a year living in a world where his actions killed his whole family. And now he finds out that that didn’t happen and he has a second chance. Of course he’s going to take it! 

2. Diego

In the first season, Diego finally admitted that he wanted to be close to his family and that he cared about them and wouldn’t leave them again. He confronted the guilt about leaving, which he had previously denied. He realized the difference between revenge and honoring someone’s memory. But despite all that, he never confronted the reason why he, a grown-ass-man, wandered around the city as a leather clad, mask wearing vigilante. 

So when we see Diego show up in 1963, that’s still who he is. He wants to be that hero and he finds an answer for how to be that hero in the first several minutes that he’s there. So he takes it. I mean, what else is he going to do? His family is gone. Maybe they’ll show up again. Maybe this is it. Either way, he’s on his own like he was before, so he’s got a duty to be the hero he has chosen to be. 

And then he meets his dad again. Everyone keeps telling him he has daddy issues, and they’re right. He absolutely has daddy issues. He’s still trying to simultaneously prove that he’s good enough for his dad, but also doesn’t need Daddy’s approval. Except he does need it. He still desperately craves it and he feels gutted when his dad denies him that approval, even falling back into the stutter he had as a kid. 

Now, despite the way we joke, Diego is not dumb. He is so observant and he makes some of the most poignant statements about his siblings and the way they see the world. He sees the people around them and he understands them, but he has never been able to completely turn that gift inwards and see those same things in himself. In this season, Lila breaks through all that and he finally sees himself in her at the end. 

“Do you know how hard it is to trust people when your whole childhood was bullshit manipulation? Then why would you do that to me?”  

Diego sees himself in Lila, in her failure to break away from her mother despite the fact that he knows she wants to. In the final episode, he sees that she is just like the rest of the siblings, but she doesn’t have to be. None of them have to be stuck with their daddy issues, because they have each other. They can support and care for each other. It’s the last step of the growth he started in season 1, moving beyond his tendency to define his life and his family through their father. 

3. Allison

Throughout season 1, Allison struggled with whether or not to use her powers, but it was all centered around getting back to her daughter. When she appears in 1961, that motivation is effectively removed. She thinks everyone else is dead. She thinks that she is stranded in the past and that she will never get back. She finds a group of people to support her and before long... she finds her voice again. 

It’s no coincidence that Allison’s first spoken words in the series come right after she gives Ray that pamphlet with a bunch of added notes. She finds her voice in the civil rights movement. She finds her power there. She finds a way to help change the world, to change reality, and she does it without her powers. 

This is something she struggled with through the entirety of season 1, feeling inadequate for using her powers to get what she wanted, not knowing if anything was real or earned. Now she has the chance to earn everything without those powers and she is thriving. 

And then she is forced to use her powers again. It all turns out fine, but now she’s showing off and experiencing all over again how good it feels to have power. She spent two years in a world where she was denied equal treatment, where she could be arrested and assaulted for any reason those with more power came up with. And now she feels that power... She doesn’t have to wait for people to give her respect. She can demand it. But the pain is still there, and it’s not enough to just be respected, because these people have hurt her. They almost killed her husband. They have used their power to cause pain to her and all those who look like her time and time again and now it’s time to understand what it’s like to be powerless, to be hurt and to be unable to stop it and... 

And it’s scary. It’s scary to have that much power, to see how you could become the kind of person who uses your power to hurt others. And she knows that her power has hurt people she loves and suddenly she’s right back where she started. 

Only not entirely. 

She doesn’t shy away from her powers in the final fight. She is obviously still finding that balance and I would expect this struggle to continue for her in future seasons. Power can be addicting and Allison’s power is so strong. She knows the danger there, but she also knows that sometimes it’s needed despite the danger. 

4. Klaus

Klaus is an addict. He finds obsessions to bury himself in to avoid dealing with reality. In season 1, he buried himself in drugs and booze. When he shows up in the 60′s, he finds a new drug to bury himself in: adoration. 

Klaus is so impulsive and it’s not difficult to connect the dots of how one thing leads to another until suddenly everything is out of his control. Honestly, that’s the story of Klaus’s life, no matter where he goes. And then something changes. He gets tired of his cult and leaves. Except... that’s not really the reason. 

After all this time, Dave is still the love of his life, and he knows he has an opportunity. He knows where Dave will be at this one time and he knows exactly what he has to change to keep Dave alive. 

He also knows that Ben is going to have thoughts about this. 

I know some people were disappointed that there wasn’t more Klaus and Ben bonding this season, but it makes sense that there is tension there. I think a lot of that tension comes from Ben’s circumstances, which I’ll discuss later, but Klaus is also not responding to that tension well. 

They are fighting more than ever (not that they ever didn’t fight in season 1, where they spent much of their time being snarky to each other and Ben literally punching Klaus in the face for being an asshole), but the fighting is about something new this season. Ben wants his own life and Klaus is not in a position to give Ben what he really wants. We also learn that he has been carrying around this guilt for the last 17 years about forcing Ben to stick around as a ghost. He forced this half-life on his brother and now that it’s not enough for Ben, Klaus doesn’t want to deal with it. So he avoids and deflects and snarks and we see the toll on their relationship. We see it in the way he tries to deal with his plans around Dave entirely on his own. He focuses so much into that last ditch effort. He’s already in such a low place before this, so when that fails, we see him snap. We see him give up and crumble. And Ben falls back to his old role, trying to save Klaus from himself. 

But the tension isn’t gone and Klaus’s guilt isn’t gone. We see it again when Klaus finally agrees to let Ben possess him. Klaus has always been afraid of his powers and being possessed is just as terrifying a thought as being surrounded by the dead. And yet he gives Ben that chance. It’s the last good thing he can do at that point. 

I do wish we had gotten more closure for Klaus and Ben’s story. I think Vanya’s reveal could have been given a little more time, but that’s not really a problem with inconsistent characterization, so we’ll save that for another post. 

5. Five

OK, who would argue that Five was out of character or inconsistent? He’s obsessed with stopping the apocalypse, is willing to cross a lot of lines to save his family, and constantly frustrated by his family’s failure to go along with his plans. This is textbook Five. 

What I loved about this season was that we got to see Five finally meeting his father again. They interact as two adults, not as a child trying to find away to become his own person, frustrated by a lack of trust from his father. It allows Reggie to see Five in a different light and to actually provide advice in a constructive way, something he has almost never been able to do when viewing them as his children. But despite outward appearances and despite the fact that Five is a grown man, he still sees his father the same way he always has. He doesn’t register Reggie’s advice as advice. He hears that he’s striving beyond his abilities and that maybe he can only travel in seconds. He hears his father telling him he can’t handle time travel. That’s why he doesn’t try to actually take the very good advice until the very end.  

An old dog can still occasionally learn a new trick and Five proves that true. 

6. Ben

As I mentioned earlier, Ben is chaffing at his ghosthood. Maybe it’s because Klaus has been sober enough to keep Ben around solidly for 3 years. Maybe it’s because Ben is no longer spending all his time trying to keep Klaus alive and sober. Or maybe it’s the fact that he has finally found someone that he actually wants to spend time with. Whatever the reason, Ben wants to be alive this season. 

Again, as I mentioned, that’s causing some tension. Ben doesn’t want to be tied to Klaus, but Klaus is ignoring that because he feels so guilty about it. Ben doesn’t want to admit that he was too scared to go into the light on his own, so they’re at a bit of a standstill. 

And then Ben gets the opportunity to be alive again, if only for a while. And in a lot of ways, it’s wonderful! But it’s not the same as being truly alive. 

So when the time comes, when he’s faced with that light again... he’s not afraid. He knows that it’s time to move on. He knows this isn’t where he should be, but he also got the chance to be there for his family. He misses them, but he got to talk to Diego and Vanya. He got to save Vanya. He got to save Allison and Diego and Klaus and Luther and Five and the whole world! So while he would have stayed, he’s not sad about leaving anymore, and he’s not afraid. 

7. Vanya

OK, she was a little out of character because... you know. She had amnesia. 

But aside from erasing her past, the amnesia allowed us to see Vanya without the anger and resentment that plagued her for all of season one. Vanya was always someone who was kind and loving, someone who cares enough to leave peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches out for a missing brother for years. Someone who knows the pain of not being seen and who will always take the time to truly see other people. She’s someone who wants to love and to be loved and to protect those she loves. 

That was all here, with or without the memories. And as soon as the memories came back, so did the guilt and fear about what she had done, what she had become, terrified of what was inside her in a way that she was not when her powers first surfaced. But Ben is used to being afraid of what’s inside of him. He knows she’s not a monster and is the perfect person to explain that to her. And this time around, she has experienced the love and care and attention of her siblings (and Sissy) to back up those words. That’s how she finally accepts them as truth, how she finally accepts her power as a part of her. 

Overall, there are things that I wish this season spent more time with, but there was nothing that I felt was out of character or wildly inconsistent. The characters still struggled with all the baggage from their shitty childhood, their fear of their powers, and the guilt in their past. Some struggled in new ways this season and some continued old struggles that had never fully been resolved. The season felt very different than the first, but it still felt like the Umbrella Academy. It was a good mix of new and old and a good mix of feel-good moments we have all been waiting for and frustrating and sad moments that just come with having a complicated family. I loved this season. And now, I’m going to go re-watch every episode. 

[incendiobrock]

Stuck in the in Between

Summary: Colby’s and (any gender) reader’s relationship was confusing. It was as if they were a couple, but nothing was official. Kat had finally convinced Y/n to talk to Colby about it at a party, but the conversation didn’t go the way any of them had expected. 

Warnings: angst, cussing, alcohol consumption

------------------------------------------------------------

Colby: Are you coming over for the party??

Your phone made a faint ding noise from inside your shorts pocket, to which you immediately pulled it out to check who had messaged you. You gleamed reading over the name of the messenger. The most beautiful, blue eyed boy, with nice brown hair, someone who you were lucky to have gotten close to within the past year of meeting him.

Y/n: I wouldn’t miss it ;)

You quickly sent back. Shoving the phone deep into the pocket you had just pulled it out from. Colby had been asking you for days about whether or not he should expect to see you at the party him and Sam were hosting. You had already told him for what felt like 100 times that you would be there in a heart beat.

Colby had a special hold over your heart. He was always so gentle, and caring towards you. He made sure that you knew he would be there for you, in any and every situation you could possible find yourself in. Colby had you practically wrapped around his finger, you couldn’t think of a moment that went by where you weren’t thinking about him.

Your friendship had flourished over time into something that most of your other friends had started to pick up on as well. Kat and Tara were constantly teasing you about how much time you and Colby seemed to spend together.

It was true. Colby Brock consumed about every second of your life. And you wouldn’t want it any other way. You loved the bond that you both had created together. There was a trust in your relationship that you often found difficult to share with others. It was ideal. It was comfortable. And it was something that you were terrified of losing.

“Are you ready y/n?” Tara’s voice filled the car, pulling you out of your deep thoughts. Your eyes shot over to meet hers, nodding happily in response. You quickly step out of the car, shutting the passenger side door behind you, and following closely behind Tara entering the foyer of the house. You both had shown up early to help the boys with the final touches, and because Jake had practically begged you so he could see Tara sooner.

“Hey gorgeous.” Colby’s voice sounded through the empty foyer. Your heart fluttered at his words as his arms tightly wrapped you in a hug. You buried your face into his chest, reveling in the familiarity of his body against your own.

“Hi Colbs.” You chuckled, calling him the nickname you had given him a couple weeks into knowing him. You pulled away from each other, Colby smiling widely. His tattoo covered arm quickly made its way around your waist, pulling your side against his. “Let’s go get something to drink before everyone else shows up” He said, dragging you both towards the kitchen.

He opened up the fridge to reveal all the drinks they had purchased to host the party. He took hold of his favorite white claw and popped open the tab, taking a long sip. You reached in and grabbed your favorite drink as well, anticipating the arrival of other guests.

As the party picked up you and Colby went around the whole house saying hi to people and catching up with them about their lives. You had quite a few drinks at this point, feeling super good. You jumped slightly as Kat took hold of your arm, dragging you out of the crowd.

“Colby can’t keep his eyes off of you!” She said loudly, a smile etched onto her face. You glanced over towards Colby, making eye contact straight away. He was in fact looking at you, glancing up and down your body from a far.

“Yeah he’s probably just curious where I went, I’ve been with him all night.” You responded back, not thinking much about the whole incident.

“No, he has been like that all night. I saw him watching you, standing super close, he totally likes you. But we knew that.” Kat said. “Tara thinks so too.” She added on after a short pause.

“We are just friends Kat. Besides, there are so many others that Colby could be with. There’s no reason he would like me.” Although the thought of Colby liking you made your heart do somersaults, you knew that you were both just super good friends.

“Do you want to be more than friends?” She asked, hoping to get the inside scoop. Your cheeks burned at the question. Of course you wanted to be more, have an actual romantic relationship with the one guy who has treated you the way you deserve. “I mean, I wouldn’t say no, but it probably will never happen.” You responded back, doubt rushing over your body. Kat urged you to talk to Colby, tell him how you really felt. “There’s no way he won’t feel the same way, trust me. With the way he looks at you and the way he has always got a hand on you, I know he wants it too.” You finally agreed and told Kat that you would do it, mainly to keep her from asking more questions about how you felt towards him, but also because you were curious to know if he truly did like you the way Kat made it seem.

“Hey, where’d you run off to?” Colby asked as you rejoined the group. His hand immediately finding itself wrapped around your waist. “I was with Kat, do you mind if we head up to your room?” To which Colby nodded. You both excused yourself from the group and headed up the grand staircase.

You sat on the couch right after entering Colby’s bedroom. He sat down next to you, but further away from you than normal. Maybe he could tell there was something on your mind.

“So I was thinking.. well actually Kat and I were talking about it and she made me realize some things about us and so now I was just curious if it was true.” You stated. Noticing as his eyebrow furrowed together slightly.

“Yeah okay. I’m your best friend, you can ask me anything.” He said, a soft expression held delicately on his face. You felt yourself shudder at the fact that he said “best friend”.

“Well you see… About that. We are super, super close and flirty and always seems to be all over each other in some way or another. And I want to be more… Than just friends, I mean-“ you rushed the last part, anxious of his response.

The room was strangely silent for a moment, and you were becoming increasingly aware of the alcohol flowing through your body. Colby’s weight shifted on the sofa, his mouth parting slightly, as if he was about to begin speaking, but nothing ever came out of his mouth.

You felt your eyes become watery as you looked down at your hands that were fidgeting on your lap. “N-never mind, just forget I said that. I’m sorry, I’ve had to much to drink I guess.” You felt ashamed, embarrassed. Kat had hyped this up so much that you felt certain Colby would instantly agree with you.

“Look, y/n… I love you so much, and I’m so glad that we are able to be this close, but I don’t like you like that… You’re amazing, don’t get me wrong, but you’re my best friend.” He seemed to feel guilty about this whole interaction, about ever having to break your heart the way he knew that he was. He could read you from a mile away, you knew that from experience.

“Why do you treat me like I’m more then?” You spit back, feeling anger take over the sadness. “If you don’t want me to be with you, then why do you treat me like you’re already my boyfriend?”

“I-I don’t know, I never saw it like that, we have always been close I thought that’s just how our friendship was.” You could tell the guilt was really getting to him, but it didn’t change the fact that your heart was shattering.

“Okay, well I will give you some choices. It’s either we are friends who act like normal friends, we start dating and keep acting like a couple, or I’m leaving and we are neither. I’m not going to be stuck in this in between bullshit with you.” And with that being said you got up from his couch and left the room. You made sure to call an Uber because you would never get behind the wheel and drive, considering what you had to drink.

There is no way in hell you’re going to waste your life being stuck in that sort of relationship. Giving up the possibility of a real relationship all for someone who doesn’t want you in the same way that you want them.

“Y/n!” His voice called out, but it was too late. You were already getting into the Uber. You glanced out the window and saw his eyes following the car as he lost you, along with the relationship you had both built over the years.