#Like w Arthur killing that woman on the island ??

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"Again-the Super-Crook! Leader of Auburn Jailbreak Excites Popular Imagination," New York Daily News. August 25, 1929. Page 2. --- By AMA BARKER. ARTHUR J. BARRY is the new Gerald Chapman.

Thousands in blood money are on his head. While an alarm was sounding all over the country for the leader of the Auburn prison break, a $250,000 jewel robbery in fashionable Beverly, Mass., told the police that Arthur Barry probably was at work.

Since the incredible Chapman was executed on April 6, 1926 in Wethersfield prison, Conn., the public has been without a super-criminal - a prince of thieves who makes honest men gasp at his imagination and daring. That is, until the handsome Barry, "the dinner and ladder" burglar, who robbed some eighty of society's best families without leaving a fingerprint, made his spectacular escape three weeks ago.

This gentleman burglar who played golf and country club bridge by day and specialized in polite jewel robberies by night made good reading two years ago when he confessed to prove his sweetheart innocent. But his career seemed ended when Long Island authorities sent him up for twenty- five years. Even Barry appeared to relinquish his dream of an elegant life on the French Riviera, some day when his store of treas- ure grew big enough.

The Brains, the Plot And the Woman! "I'll be an old man when I come out," Barry said to a deputy sheriff at the time. He was 28 then.

Like Chapman, Barry does not always get the dubious honor for his crimes. He sometimes reads that another man is the master mind. With Chapman it was George (Dutch) Anderson, with Barry it is James Monahan, alias Boston Billy Williams.

Boston Billy is in Dannemora, doing forty years on evidence Barry, his former partner, turned in against him. If Monahan had escaped from Dannemora during the recent riot there, Barry probably would have delayed the zero for the outbreak at Auburn until the authorities had time to catch Boston Billy again. Because Billy has sworn to kill Barry on sight.

"Monahan was the boss of the show. Make no mistake about that," said Detective-Charles Sheraton, who trapped the Monahan-Barry gang after trailing them for two years.

"But Barry is a real killer, cold and calculating. I might take a chance with Monahan but with Barry, never!"

Monahan may have been the brains of their four years' picking among rich jewel caskets. Warden Edgar L. Jennings gives Barry credit for being the master strategist of the Auburn time of terror when four convicts escaped under cover of smoke from the burning prison shops, fired after the prison arsenal had been raided.

Arthur Barry was the center of this plot, unless the credit goes to Anna Blake. Love, the old proverb has it, will find a way and Barry, like Gerald Chapman before him, holds the idolatrous love of a woman.

Anna Blake is a plump little blonde of uncertain age; the police say she is at least ten years older than Arthur Barry. Barry was moved from Sing-Sing to Auburn because a woman who visited him there was suspected of trying to smuggle arms to him. At Auburn, officials believed a closer watch could be kept. Now information comes to the warden that the tireless Anna did get a gun to her lover, after all. With 5 this gun he subdued a key custodian, shot his way to the outer prison walls and finally got away.

Where Anna Blake is detectives can usually be nearly certain that Arthur Barry is not far away.

They met in Paris five years ago, when young Barry was spending some time on the continent as Arthur Gibson. When they returned to America, they bought a cottage in the smart Lake Ronkonkoma colony on Long Island, where they posed as Mr. and Mrs. Arthur J. Gibson. Adopting the country club manner, the Gibsons gave an impression of wealth and leisure, while Monahan and Barry dropped in on fashionable Long Island neighbors, often at the dinner hour.

They mounted quickly to the upper floors by means of a folding ladder, which Barry has modestly admitted is his invention. Then while their host and hostess and invited guests dined below stairs the correctly tailored burglars went quickly and quietly about their work.

In the summer of 1926 jewel thieves plucked $19,000 worth of loot from the Greenwich, Conn., estate of Percy A. Rockefeller. Not caring whether he had been robbed by the notorious society burglars or some lesser thieves. Rockefeller determined to have them jailed, no matter what the cost.

That is how the activities of Barry and Monahan happened to be under observation of Burns detectives at the time they called at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Jesse L. Livermore for $100,000 worth of gems about a year later.

On June 15, 1927, Arthur J. Gibson, returning from New York with a woman, walked into the arms of detectives at Lake Ronkonkoma station. His companion had $15,000 worth of jewels in her possession - most of them stones taken from their settings. She gave her name as Mrs. Anna King.

After two days' questioning, Barry offered to make "a clean breast of the whole story" if the police would free Mrs. King. She knew nothing about the Livermore case, he swore. He and Boston Billy Williams committed the robbery, Barry said.

Says the Rich Like to Exaggerate Losses Barry's fingerprints were checked up at Manhattan police headquarters. Records showed he was wanted in Massachusetts and in Connecticut. His history went back to Bridgeport, Conn., where he was first charged with the murder of Patrolman Peter Wagner, on April 13, 1922.

He contended that a companion did the shooting and was finally charged with assault. Barry was sentenced to three months in jail. After serving all but fifteen days of this time, he made use of a saw smuggled in by friends, and escaped.

The following year, on July 29, with Arthur J. Barry still at large, Sergt. John J. Harrison of the Scarsdale, Westchester county, New York, police, was mysteriously slain within 200 yards of headquarters. As in the case of Patrolman Wagner, Barry named a companion as the slayer - Boston Billy Williams.

Williams, he said, caught hold of the policeman's right hand with one hand and holding a pistol in the other, shot him at close range.

When Williams was captured he described Barry as the killer.

Barry, in the toils of the police after more than four years of uninterrupted second-story work, talked freely about what happened the night they robbed this millionaire and that. Everything but the whereabouts of the loot.

In the first place, he said, even the very rich like to exaggerate their losses. He had many a quiet laugh over his morning papers to see that the people they had relieved of $50,000 worth of gems the evening before, reported losses of $150,000 and upward.

Secondly, Barry complained bitterly, Boston Billy often did the finger work himself and when the time came to divide the loot, Williams held most of it out.

If he was telling the truth about the rich people exaggerating, and about his partner's holding out on him, and he is broke, as he claimed, Arthur Barry very likely got the $250,000 in jewels stolen from the home of Mr. and Mrs. Sydney E. Hutchinson, at Beverly.He probably added $24,500 in cash and jewelry from the home of Richard Weber, wealthy contractor of Whitestone, L. I., to his ready funds.

Because he needed the money to pay the expenses of a long journey. Or, if, as some detectives on the Hutchinson case believe, Barry had $1,000,000 worth of loot buried in Anna Blake's keeping, the ring- leader of the Auburn mutiny probably is not the man who has Mrs. Hutchinson's diamond necklace.

Gerald Chapman vanished just as completely as Barry did when he escaped from Atlanta federal prison in April, 1923. Chapman made fun of the police in their game of hare and hounds for nearly two years. Barry has reason to remember that blood money betrayed Chapman, because rewards for a tip on Arthur's whereabouts total $10,000.

[twomystdunstans]

something about John becoming more "human" or "softer", gaining more compassion and humanity while Arthur becomes more bitter and cold, trying to "keep them safe" and immediately seeing the bad in people. not giving someone a chance and doing anything he can for answers.

something about when John said "we may very well end up switching places"

[12timetraveler]

In The Arms Of My Love

For my giveaway first prize winner @mrscharlessmithh

SUMMARY: Charles didn't expect to find anyone stranded in the snow in Colter. Especially not someone who would be one his very best friend.

When reader is captured at Clemens Point while protecting Jack, Charles is faced with the possibility of losing his best friend and the love of his life.

NOTES:For the first place winner of my Fanfic Giveaway on Tumblr.

First place won a fic of 5000+ words.

Well... This is certainly + haha. I hope you enjoy it!

As always below is a little teaser. Read the full thing on AO3

The last thing Charles expected to find when he went out hunting was a woman half-dead in the snow.

Determined to find more food for the gang, Charles had set out from Colter to at least try to hunt something small, like a rabbit. His hand could begrudgingly pull a bow string back, briefly, and Arthur was doing enough for the gang without Charles having to drag him out to hunt.

He was searching around Lake Isabella when a small, pitiful pillar of smoke on an island in the middle of the lake caught his eye. He'd approached carefully, wanting to make sure it wasn't a threat to him and the gang. When he found you half-dead around a weak campfire, shivering violently, he'd stopped in his tracks.

You looked up at him miserably, eyes begging for help but face falling to some sort of acceptance. You couldn't care less what the man would do at this point. Kill you or save you, it would be better than freezing up here. You’d accepted your fate.

You had managed to capture yourself a rabbit, and your frozen, trembling fingers were trying their best to skin it, but failing miserably.

“Are you alright?” Charles asked.

“D-do I look alright?” You sighed, shivering uncontrollably.

“Not really.” Charles replied.

“I’m s-tranded in the snow, my horse ran off and t-tossed me into the lake, and the q-quickest road out of here goes st-straight through a godd-d-damn O’Driscoll c-camp. They’d s-sooner kill me or w-worse than l-let me pass,” you narrowed your eyes at him. “You ain’t one of th-them, are you?”

“No,” He assured you. He reached into his satchel and pulled out a piece of preserved meat from the deer he and Arthur brought in and handed it to you. You took it gratefully, nibbling at the cold, salted meat.

“Th-thank you,” You sighed.

“You’re welcome,” He said, glancing around. There was no sign of your horse anywhere. If he didn’t help you, you’d freeze to death out here. “Listen, it’s not much, but the people I’m running with have a little shelter up at Colter. I can take you there, maybe some of the other girls have some clothes you could borrow so that you don’t freeze. If you’ll add your rabbit to the stew pot, you can shelter with us, and then once the storm clears, we’ll get you to the nearest town,”

“Th-that would be w-w-wonderful,” You shivered, accepting his hand as he pulled you up. Charles kicked snow over your little campfire, putting it out. You picked up your rabbit. “Th-thank you m-mister…”

“Smith. Charles Smith.” He said, holding your elbow gently as the two of you slid down from the little island and crossed the ice to where his horse was waiting. You introduced yourself through chattering teeth as he helped you up onto the rump of his horse, a beautiful appaloosa. He reached into his saddle bag and pulled out a blanket, which you wrapped around your shoulders gratefully.

Charles had two rabbits already dangling from his horse, so you held your rabbit on your lap as Charles mounted up and rode off into the snow.

The gang had been hesitant to let you in at first. One skinny, measly rabbit was hardly payment for shelter and protection.

"Come on, Dutch," an older man, Hosea, said to the leader. "You ain't really gonna toss her out in the blizzard are you?"

"No," Dutch assured him, turning back to you where you crouched by the fire trying desperately to warm up. "No we'd never leave you here to freeze. Just know that you'll need to pull your weight however you can,"

"O-of course," you said, nodding vigorously. "Once I c-can feel my fingers I'll go out and hunt some f-food," you assured him. "The s-storm may have pushed many critters underground, b-but they're still out there. I hunt-t up here often enough." You assured them.

"Good," Dutch said, patting your shoulder. "Lord knows we could use some more food. So many mouths to feed." He turned to Charles. "She's your responsibility while she's here. Make sure she doesn't..." He trailed off, glancing back at you. But Charles understood his meaning.

"I'll watch her." He assured him. Dutch nodded and dismissed you all with a clap to Charles' shoulder.

"Come on, dear girl," Hosea said, helping you to your feet. "Let's get you to the other cabin, see if the girls have some dry clothes to spare. Plus it's a bit warmer there with so many bodies pressed together." He said. You nodded and reluctantly followed him out into the cold, with Charles following behind.

[alpaca-writes]

Mystics, Chapter 25

When Arch becomes hired on at Mystics by the strange shopkeeper Lyrem Nomadus, everything seems to be going well- in fact, their life nearly becomes perfection. Soon enough, however, Arch realizes that perhaps not everything is as perfect as it seems….

Read Chapters 1-24 and more HERE

Taglist: @myst-in-the-mirror, @livingforthewhump

CW: Crying baby and darkness, drug mention and grief. That is all.

It’s Labyrinth time! We catch up with Charlotte and Arthur as they make a very startling and disturbing revelation.

-------------------------------------

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: POOR THING

         “I wandered for… Oh… I don’t even know how long. Wishing I could be home again- feeling so guilty for how I treated Arch… Thinking about you as well- I mean, I forgot you, Arty! How does a sister forget her little brother overnight- and for months!?”

        “It’s not your fault, really.” Arthur said, “besides, with the way we left things, I wouldn’t blame you for wanting me gone.”

        There was an island countertop dividing them that Charlotte stared up at him from. An amount of betrayal crossed her browbone.

        “How could you think that? I still care about you. I always have! But what I did, I did for Arch. It wasn’t safe for them to be around you when…”

        “When I was high? Or when I was dealing?” Arthur finished, admittedly. “Well, I guess that’s one gift that came from this terrifying place. There’s no coke in hell. It forced me to get clean and gave me a clear head… I suppose I should have thanked Lyrem before…”

        He sighed, “not that it matters much now.”

        There was a bout of silence.

        “There’s a baby here,” he continued, shooting his sister a look to indicate that she ought to elaborate for him.

        “Yes. Rosanna, I think is her name. At some point during my aimless wandering, I came upon the house, and the light, and… her.” She pointed her eyes to the ceiling. “She was all alone, and crying. Poor thing. I have no idea how long she’s been here.”

        “You have everything you need,” Arthur commented, sitting up from the stool and winced as his leg still ached. “There is nothing else in the labyrinth- I was lucky to come across a door to Hades and Persephone. That was the only reason I was able to get out and back to Earth.”

        “I’m sorry, who?”

        “You heard me right the first time,” Arthur spoke directly. He fiddled with the pictures sitting upon baby grand piano.  The images were blurry, like vague reconstructions of photographs without any identifiable subjects… except one. He picked up the photo in its faux oak frame and furrowed his brows.

        “I’ve seen her before.”

        Charlotte followed him to the parlour, noting the photo in his hand.

        “It’s the only clear one in this place. It’s… like I’ve been stuck in a dollhouse. Everything is fake, or a simple vague memory of what this place once was. I don’t understand it. I wish I did.”

        Arthur’s head spun with theories. The pink elephant onesie, the blue starred baby blanket, the soother he found at the bottom of the bins…

        “This could be her house… I saw a photo- not this one, but a photo with the same woman, standing over a birthday cake in the back room of Mystics. She was about the same age, I think.”

        “In Mystics?” her mind burned with the sudden reminder of the grotesque shop owner and hissed. “Arch told me about Lyrem… How he used to have a wife that worked with him. That’s why they were hired. She was gone. I wonder if she’s here somewhere, lost or… dead?”

         “Did Lyrem ever mention having children?” Arthur asked.

        Charlotte shook her head. “I’ve only spoken to him a couple of times, but he never talked about family.”

        Arthur looked to the phone hanging off the kitchen wall with the long beige winding cord attached to it. The appliances weren’t new by any means and the style of the house, with its hardwood, and updated linoleum areas caused his mind to stir.

        “Mom’s house,” he said. “In Knoxville… It was brand new when she moved in. Do you remember the year?”

        “’85, I think,” she confirmed. “Why?”

        “She had the same stereo system, brand new too,” he mentioned, pointing off to the opposite wall where the unit sat beneath a Panasonic television set.

        “You’re right, she did, didn’t she?” Charlotte agreed, “I’ve already tried to play it- it only repeats A Spoonful of Sugar from Mary Poppins… Hold on…

        Let’s say the earliest Rosanna could have been born was 1985, that means”-

        “Well, it’s more than reasonable to assume that”-

        Rosanna started crying over their heads. Both Charlotte and Arthur were thinking the same thing. Lyrem had thrown his own daughter into the Labyrinth as a baby, and never once thought of her again.

        Charlotte broke herself off from the chilling realization and pulled a bottle of milk from the island counter that wasn’t there before. Arthur stared at her oddly.

        “It just keeps refilling,” she explained, shaking it up in her hands. “It’s like everything just resets once she wakes up… And she never stops crying.”

        Arthur followed his sister back up the stairs again. This time, to investigate the rooms. The nursery was quaint and painted in a calming lilac. A sunflower was painted on the ceiling around the light fixture. The small inconsistencies in the shape of the petals caused Arthur to assume it was done without a stencil. Probably by someone who was very excited to welcome their child into the world. A slim acoustic guitar sat in the corner, and a small wicker chair right next to it.

        He wrinkled his nose as he moved around the room. The scent of a baby’s bottom made him gag. Charlotte didn’t seem to care.

        “Lightweight,” she taunted after him.

        Arthur proceeded to the master bedroom across the hall. It was stark. Everything was placed in an orderly fashion throughout which was not a cohesive pattern for the rest of the house. The sheets were perfectly tucked, the pillows, untouched and undented. To the left side, there was a set of glasses and a yellow book. There was a scribble on the front of it, as though it was meant to be English, but it wasn’t convincing to a literate person.

        A lamp on either side of their bed, a window, off to the right that overlooked the front yard and a trembling aspen whose branches swayed in the breeze also gave the impression that this was a house that only belonged in someone’s dream. It was perfect.

        He opened the dresser drawers only to find nothing inside. He found the closet door next, that was set into the wall. There were shirts, all the same color of cream button ups with flared collars, and a few dark pants hung neatly beside them. This had to be Lyrem’s. But where were his wife’s things? Where were his photos?

        Why did Rosanna only remember bits and pieces of the house? And more than that, how the hell did she create all of this? She was only a baby. She couldn’t have been more than a year old.

        These were questions that needed answering one day. But for now, Arthur had to remember that he was still in the middle of his task. He needed to bring Charlotte back to Earth and he needed to find Arch.

        He glanced to the empty doorway. Charlotte was humming a song from their childhood. A sweet and mournful tune as she fed them from the bottle in the room over, he could hear her whisper the melody’s words-

“Goodnight, goodnight sweet child,

Why don't you dream with the angels,

To forget for awhile.

To forget of the life,

That's been handed to you

Where everything's real,

Yet nothing is true”-

        Arthur wondered how easily Rosanna would be able to travel. He didn’t have much experience with young children, but he knew that even in the best circumstances they could be a challenge to bring along anywhere- especially if one wanted to remain quiet.

        He turned his back on them, and raised his hand. Hades had given him the Abysmal Flame to help him kill Lyrem, and it had come in handy when faced with Paimon.

        Maybe it would help them find a way out of here.

        Thinking back to that moment- where that power rushed through his head and into his hands and lit up his bowie knife with blue flames- he could feel it again.

        “Come on,” Arthur started. Encouraging himself to feel the same rage, to feel the same force as before that had lit Paimon up blue. He almost had it… In front of him, in the closet, a pool of darkness formed. He watched it closely become larger and larger until it was about the size of a basketball.

        “Come on, come on, come on…”

        “Arthur?”

        His concentration broke, and he turned, the void closed instantly. Charlotte’s face was red with panic, sheer terror, but not about him or what he had done.

        Rosanna was gone. The baby blanket laid in Charlotte’s elbows with nothing else inside. Though, now, Arthur could see the faint yellow embroidery of her name on the outside edge.

        “W-what happened to her?” Charlotte shook.

        Arthur put himself in front of her, and looked around, like he expected to find Rosanna simply lying on the ground or hiding beside a banister.

        “I- I don’t know. Has she ever vanished before?”

        Charlotte shook her head tearfully and shook out the blanket. Maybe she’d just hiding in one of the wrinkles. Charlotte placed a hand over her mouth and cried out. Her back fell into the door jam as she crouched into a ball on the floor.

        “No. No! I-I can’t do it again! I can’t lose my baby again!”

        Seeing her this way was crushing. He bent down, and placed an arm around her shoulders.

        “You haven’t lost your baby…” he spoke calmly. “Arch is still out there and they are waiting for you. They’re waiting for us to find them… For now, we need to keep it together, for their sake. We need to bring them home- together.”

        Charlotte continued to weep. The thought of facing more heartbreak was unbearable, but Arthur was right. She needed to find her child. Her real child. While she took her time recovering, Arthur removed himself from her side. He was able to create an opening. Leading to where, he didn’t know, but it worked, and to him that was a success.

        The room darkened, like a rain cloud passed in front of the sun. The tweeting birds fell silent. He looked outside, only to find the darkness of the labyrinth closing in on them very quickly. Without Rosanna here, there was nothing left to be remembered.

        “Char! Grab hold of me!” He rushed to her side. “The Labyrinth is erasing the house. Hold onto me and don’t let go!”

        Charlotte did as he said and soon enough, they were both consumed by the deep and dreadful darkness.

-

-

 -

  -

   -

    -

     -

      -

        A blue flame, small but visible, sat in the center of Arthur’s palm. Charlotte clinged to his other arm as he concentrated. He could feel his created void grow larger and larger around them until he saw a very familiar and spritely looking face staring down at them from above and nothing else.

        “Persephone,” Arthur greeted her with a relieved and exasperated smile. “Long time, no see.”

[sleepyskunk]

List of movies / 2017 Movie Trailer Mashup

P  A  R  T     O  N  E

0:08 - War for the Planet of the Apes

“What are you waiting for?” - Lars Eidinger in PERSONAL SHOPPER

0:10 - Geostorm

0:12 - The Greatest Showman

“We made this oath. Whoever died first would send the other a sign.” - Kristen Stewart in PERSONAL SHOPPER

0:14 - Annabelle: Creation (double shot)

0:16 - A Ghost Story (double shot)

“A sign. Have you, communicated with spirits before?” - Lars Eidinger in PERSONAL SHOPPER

0:18 - The Blackcoat’s Daughter

0:19 - Wind River

0:20 - Ghost in the Shell

0:22 - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

0:23 - War for the Planet of the Apes

“It was quiet, for all these years.” - Miranda Otto in ANNABELLE: CREATION

0:26 - It (double shot)

0:29 - Hangman

“We all knew, something was very wrong.” - Holly Earl in LOVING VINCENT

0:31 - King Arthur

0:32 - The Beguiled

“I saw something.” - Jaeden Lieberher in IT

0:34 - The Devil’s Candy

0:35 - Annabelle: Creation

0:36 - Get Out (triple shot)

“A clown. Yeah, I saw him too.” - Jack Dylan Grazer in IT

0:39 - Lavender

0:41 - A Cure For Wellness (triple shot)

0:44 - The Circle

“You know there’s a sickness. Stops them seeing the truth.” - Vanessa Redgrave in THE SECRET SCRIPTURE

0:46 - Thelma

0:48 - The Secret Scripture

0:49 - Jackals

0:50 - Professor Marsten and the Wonder Women

0:51 - A Cure for Wellness

“There’s something, calling them all here.” - Aaron Poole in THE VOID

0:52 - Annabelle: Creation

0:53 - Mother! (double shot)

0:55 - Flatliners

“Shhh. That’s not me.” - Shae Smolik in THE HATRED

0:56 - The Hatred

1:02 - Mother!

1:03 - It

1:05 - Annabelle: Creation

1:05 - Personal Shopper

1:06 - Polaroid (triple shot)

1:08 - The Bye Bye Man

1:09 - It Comes At Night

1:10 - Berlin Syndrome

1:10 - Wish Upon

“Mister Policeman. You could’ve saved her.” - Jonas Karlsson in THE SNOWMAN

1:11 - Jigsaw

1:11 - Rings (double shot)

1:13 - Happy Death Day (double shot)

1:14 - The Devil’s Candy

1:15 - Jigsaw (double shot)

1:16 - The Lego Ninjago Movie (double shot)

1:18 - The Snowman (triple shot)

1:20 - Flatliners (double shot)

1:21 - The Shape of Water (double shot)

1:22 - The Belko Experiment

1:23 - Breathe

1:23 - Brigsby Bear

“Make it a wonderful day!” - Edie Inksetter in IT

1:24 - Justice League

1:25 - Kidnap (double shot)

1:26 - Collide

“At the end of the day, people are out for themselves.” - Adria Arjona in THE BELKO EXPERIMENT

1:27 - Good Time

1:27 - Gerald’s Game

1:28 - Wind River (double shot)

1:30 - The Belko Experiment

1:31 - The Devil’s Candy (double shot)

1:33 - King Arthur

1:34 - Split

“Death always wins.” - Matthew McConaughey in THE DARK TOWER

1:35 - Ghost in the Shell

1:36 - The Void

1:37 - Paint it Black

1:40 - The Snowman

1:41 - The Mountain Between Us

1:43 - Blade Runner 2049

1:44 - The Shape of Water (double shot)

“We all float down here.” - Jackson Robert Scott in IT

1:50 - It

P  A  R  T     T  W  O

1:56 - Baby Driver

1:59 - The Boss Baby

1:59 - Despicable Me 3

2:00 - Baywatch

2:01 - Ingrid Goes West (double shot)

“Congratulations.” - Aubrey Plaza in INGRID GOES WEST

2:03 - Logan Lucky

2:04 - Going in Style (double shot)

2:06 - Catfight (double shot)

2:06 - Kong: Skull Island

2:07 - A Fantastic Woman

2:07 - The Square

2:08 - Brawl on Block 99

2:10 - The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature

2:11 - All Eyez On Me

2:11 - Detroit

2:12 - CHIPs

2:13 - How To Be a Latin Lover

“This doesn’t put an end to shit, you f*cking retard, this is just the f*cking start. Why don’t you put that on your ‘Good Morning Missouri’ f*cking wake-up broadcast b*tch .” - Frances McNormand in THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI

2:14 - Pitch Perfect 3 (double shot)

2:16 - The Disaster Artist

2:18 - Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

2:22 - Fist Fight

2:23 - Suburbicon

2:23 - T2 Trainspotting

2:24 - Song to Song

2:25 - My Name is Emily

2:26 - Raw (double shot)

2:28 - Patti Cake$

2:29 - A Bad Mom’s Christmas

2:30 - Girls Trip

2:30 - Tragedy Girls

2:31 - T2 Trainspotting

2:32 - Rough Night

“Come on, man.” - Armie Hammer in FREE FIRE

2:32 - Free Fire (triple shot)

2:35 - First Kill

“I got you all wrong, didn’t I? You got me just right.” - Bel Powley and Tye Sheridan in DETOUR

2:36 - Kingsman: The Golden Circle (double shot)

2:37 - Wolf Warrior 2

2:38 - Detour

2:39 - Geostorm

2:40 - War for the Planet of the Apes

2:41 - Wonder Woman

2:42 - The Great Wall

2:43 - American Assassin

2:44 - Thor: Ragnarok

2:44 - Spider-man: Homecoming

2:45 - Monster Trucks (double shot)

2:47 - The Mummy

2:47 - Baby Driver (double shot)

2:49 - xXx: Return of Xander Cage

2:50 - Baby Driver (double shot)

2:52 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (triple shot)

2:57 - Ghost in the Shell

2:58 - John Wick: Chapter 2

2:58 - Transformers: The Last Knight

2:59 - The Dark Tower (double shot)

3:01 - Transformers: The Last Knight (double shot)

3:02 - Logan

3:02 - Alien: Covenant (double shot)

3:04 - Wonder Woman (double shot)

3:05 - The Fate of the Furious (quintuple shot)

3:08 - The Mummy (double shot)

3:10 - John Wick: Chapter 2

3:10 - Sleepless

3:11 - Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (double shot)

3:12 - Renegades 

3:12 - Colossal

3:13 - Okja (double shot)

3:14 - Baby Driver

3:15 - Ghost in the Shell

3:16 - Outrage Coda

3:17 - Captain Underpants

3:17 - Okja

3:18 - Saban’s Power Rangers

3:18 - The LEGO Batman Movie

3:19 - The LEGO Ninjago Movie

3:20 - The Emoji Movie

3:21 - Atomic Blonde

3:22 - Spider-man: Homecoming (double shot)

3:23 - Blade of the Immortal

3:24 - Thor: Ragnarok (triple shot)

3:25 - Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

3:26 - Justice League

3:26 - Cars 3 (double shot)

3:28 - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

“Jesus Christ! What happened to the seatbelt rule?” - Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson in THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD

3:29 - The Hitman’s Bodyguard (quadruple shot)

P  A  R  T     T  H  R  E  E

3:38 - Golmaal Again

3:40 - A Dog’s Purpose

3:40 - Realive

3:42 - Kedi

3:43 - My Cousin Rachel

3:44 - Downsizing

3:45 - The Snowman

3:46 - Fifty Shades Darker

3:47 - Leap!

3:48 - The Greatest Showman (double shot)

3:49 - Tulip Fever

3:50 - Split

3:51 - Wonder Woman

“Whatever you do, do it carefully.” - Vicky Krieps in PHANTOM THREAD

3:52 - The Book of Henry

3:53 - The Devil’s Candy

3:55 - Hounds of Love

3:56 - Loving Vincent

3:57 - XX

3:58 - All The Money in the World

3:59 - The Bad Batch

4:00 - Lady Macbeth

4:01 - Victoria and Abdul

4:02 - Phantom Thread

4:03 - Polina

4:04 - Coco (double shot) 

“I always told you, you were special.” - Ana de Armas in BLADE RUNNER 2049

4:08 - The Killing of a Sacred Deer (double shot)

4:09 - Jungle

4:11 - Leap! (double shot)

“Because you have something she can only dream of.” - Carly Rae Jepsen in LEAP!

4:13 - The Greatest Showman (triple shot)

4:16 - The Limehouse Golem

4:17 - Battle of the Sexes (double shot)

“Without our passion, it’s very hard for us to find our place in the world.” - Ken Stott in 100 STREETS

4:19 - I, Tonya (double shot)

4:21 - Molly’s Game (triple shot)

4:23 - Professor Marsten and the Wonder Women

4:24 - Worlds Apart

4:26 - First Kill

“If we may find a city, where one was considered impossible to exist, it may well write a whole new chapter in human history.” - Charlie Hunnam in LOST CITY OF Z

4:27 - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

4:28 - Alien: Covenant

4:29 - The Lost City of Z

4:30 - Dunkirk

4:33 - The Battleship Island

4:35 - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

4:36 - War for the Planet of the Apes

4:39 - Kong: Skull Island

4:40 - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

4:41 - Dunkirk

4:43 - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

4:44 - Life (double shot)

4:46 - Only The Brave

4:48 - Menashe

4:49 - Before I Fall

“A man’s reach should exceed his grasp.” - Sienna Miller in LOST CITY OF Z

4:50 - American Made

4:51 - The Promise

4:52 - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

4:53 - The Dark Tower

4:54 - Saban’s Power Rangers

4:55 - Blade Runner 2049 (double shot)

4:57 - Kong: Skull Island

4:59 - All the Money in the World

5:00 - Stronger (double shot)

5:03 - Spoor

5:06 - Your Name

5:07 - Smurfs: The Lost Village

5:08 - The Odyssey

5:09 - Ghost in the Shell

5:11 - A Ghost Story

“I know this is a sacrifice for all of us.” - Charlie Hunnam in LOST CITY OF Z

5:14 - The Lost City of Z

5:16 - My Cousin Rachel

5:18 - Goodbye Christopher Robin (triple shot)

“I’d really like if you wrote a book for me. Should we go for a walk? Aren’t you working?” - Domhnall Gleeson and Will Tilston in GOODBYE CHRISTOPHER ROBIN

5:22 - The Zookeeper’s Wife

“Why’d you leave my mama? I got lost. But you found your way back, right?” - Abby Ryder Fortson and Alex Roe in FOREVER MY GIRL

5:23 - Worlds Apart

5:24 - Columbus

5:25 - Phantom Thread

5:26 - Darkest Hour

5:28 - Forever My Girl (double shot)

5:31 - Wonderstruck

5:32 - It (double shot)

5:33 - The Big Sick

5:34 - Darkest Hour (triple shot)

“If all of this stopped, even if I were dead, I’d miss it... And i’d miss you.” - Gemma Arterton in THEIR FINEST

5:36 - The Post

5:37 - Megan Leavey

5:38 - Murder on the Orient Express

5:39 - The Shape of Water

5:40 - The Man Who Invented Christmas

5:41 - Okja

5:43 - Table 19

5:44 - Their Finest

5:45 - A Kind of Murder

5:46 - Everything, Everything (double shot)

5:47 - The Florida Project (double shot)

“This is what life looks like. People who love each other. You still have time.” - Patrick Stewart in LOGAN

5:49 - The Children of Chance

5:50 - The Lost City of Z

5:51 - The Shack

5:52 - Goodbye Christopher Robin

5:53 - Call Me By Your Name

5:54 - Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri'

5:55 - Breathe

5:56 - Gifted (double shot)

5:58 - The Sense of an Ending

6:00 - Queen of the Desert

6:00 - Lady Bird (double shot)

6:02 - Beauty and the Beast (double shot)

6:04 - The Greatest Showman

6:05 - Wonder

6:06 - The Greatest Showman

6:06 - Coco

6:07 - Murder on the Orient Express

6:08 - The Shape of Water

6:09 - Darkest Hour

Edited by Sleepy Skunk (sleepyskunk@gmail.com)

[aheartofwood]

the king arthur movie is SO BAD, guys.

imagine a baby and a kitten got together and tried to edit a movie with only the vaguest idea of arthurian legend based on the backs of the VHS of the disney version and also the lion king for some reason, and also the barest idea of how human brains can accept and understand editing and narrative. imagine a pretty good video game opening for 2001, but watched thru the haze of a really strenuous flu and it’s rented and ancient and was chewed up by at least two dogs so it’s glitching a lot. imagine a knight’s tale……………Reimagined™ (needlessly) by a team of randos who only speak italian and their ideas are being translated by jen from the IT crowd in that one episode where she pretends she can speak italian. imagine a movie with a budget of four dollars (except the budget was HUGE). imagine an opium dream within a dream of robert downey jr’s 2009 sherlock holmes where jude law becomes a boring, leathery king who has a bad habit of constantly sacrificing the silent women he supposedly loves to an undulating pile of lovecraftian horror water ladies that live in his shame toilet in his penis tower basement ONLY to super saiyan into a really bad DnD dude with a motorcycle-insignia-metal skull head and the torso of two The Rocks smashed together (sorry, The Rock) instead of (a much better) watson. imagine eragon, but somehow exceedingly, fremdschamenly, schadenfreudingly worse. not many things get both german expressions, in a gleefully terrible adverb form at that, but this movie——oh, THIS movie——-deserves them. 

the letters of the opening credits roll (or creep?) across the screen. the kerning is bad. all the T’s have a phallic, buffylike, sword motif going on and it renders the names unreadable. the colors and the blurry shots look like something out of monty python. again, who hired this editor? who watched this movie, kissed their fingertips like an italian grandma, and gently set this eldritch horror adrift on the tides of eternity to be received with fear and loathing by millions of human eyes? the elephants from lord of the rings attack the bridge from legend of zelda, and that red flamey eye guy from eragon (mordred, for some reason, in a shake n bake wig) ?? or possibly from inkheart?? is defeated. remember, we know nothing about these characters. feel nothing for them. and the trend continues. katie mcgrath appears, of course, in her standard and splendid emerald green, and then immediately dies. none of the shots in the first 20 minutes of the movie match up, we go from scenes with several people to ultra close ups of faces—-it’s like the “mmmm whatcha say” SNL skit, but serious. the movie continues to not know if it’s playing itself seriously or if it knows how bad it truly is (how bad me be?)

finally we get ONE establishing shot of a sweeping wall (maybe? the camera never stays still enough to tell) and the audience (five people) grounds ourselves, sort of. we get a whip-fast, but not whip-smart, super evolution of arthur’s childhood, in which he shoves coins into a wall (see kids!!! if u just put YR COINS IN YR WALLS instead of BUYING GODDAMN AVOCADOS, U COULD HAVE A CASTLE!!!!) and hearkens back to his character in pacific rim, bc he’s just a scrappy, vaguely appropriative white guy that loves 2 fight stuff. oh, his mom is killed when he’s young ofc. charlie hunnam eventually fucks off to the island w the sword in the sort-of stone (none of the physics makes sense in this movie?? the sword in the stone dropped into a lake, but is now in a chasm on a different island which shows no sign of the ruins of arthur’s childhood town?? in the final fight scene, charlie hunnam is several floors up from scythe-y jude law, but then suddenly they’re fighting on the top of saruman’s tower  scuse me at the whipping sea-level, then suddenly BACK IN THE TOWER bc i guess it wasn’t destroyed????? bc then it gets destroyed again??) of course, charlie hunnam is the One Man who can Grip the penis sword, even though in an interesting turn of events, They are Testing Everyone by shipping them in boats to the island (this seems like an egregious waste of resources). charlie hunnam got in this unfortch sitch bc i forgot, but the guy who put him on the boat chuckled darkly and said he was “”””getting on a different boat””””, but like, doesn’t everyone end up there?? it had the air of the DMV, on purpose, so why was this a threat? how did he avoid it for so long? are there that many people in the kingdom??? also, if i was him i’d straight up pretend i couldn’t lift it tbh and come back for it when They were getting donuts. oh, another inkheart thing—the BLONDE MOM SURVIVES (!!!??? somehow???? unexplained? she had a HOLE THRU HER BODY??) and maybe has memory loss or something and spends her days being somehow indispensable to jude law despite doing nothing but moving a plate. 

i cannot explain the rest of the plot, because i do not understand it. charlie hunnam just EXPERIENCES things with a world-weary, almost kingly worldliness, despite flashing in between being an innocent farm boy who doesn’t wanna do anything and a self-assured wisecracking hustler. there are some good jokes about boring white dude names in a medieval setting, and no more humor forever is allowed in this movie or any movies ever again. a chris parnell lookalike with a hat says he can shoot 75 yards but not 175, then shoots 175 with absolutely no introduction/buildup/continuance/jokes and spends the rest of the film as robin hood. there are some other dudes?????? more women (the brothel ladies that rescue arthur from the river ((not unlike….the prince of egypt…..)) are killed to further manpain, including lucy, who is Special for an unexplained reason. jude law murders his daughter (i guess???), who has a russian name and a tendency to sit around and stroke birds and stare sappily out the window (i feel u, johanna). everyone is wearing medieval versions of suits. there are many iterations of snake, ranging from economy-sized snake to a Giant Fuckmaster Snake Mother. at least five cloaks are cast off. eric bana becomes a literal rock. everything has the vague, shuddering feeling of an improv show where everyone wants the final word/bit. there is grit, there is dirt, there is snake blood, and there is clanking. so much clanking. charlie hunnam is bravely hurling one-liners but no one is listening. what is the sound of only one hand on excalibur???? apparently not as powerful as…………T W O hands on excalibur. 

the editing continues to be bizarre. they keep trying to do the inception thing where they talk about the plan while showing the plan, therefore (in inception, correctly) allowing us to get to the good parts, but there ARE NO GOOD PARTS or even parts at all and they don’t fully commit to the dang method anyway. the shining light of the film, an unnamed mage woman with good bone structure and sweet harem pants (and who COULD have at least been set up as morwen but was not) who can possess animals and also make a lot of dust fly around behind her, becomes charlie hunnam’s spiritual guide?? sort of?? maybe love interest??? she seems to have no interest in him or inhabiting the worldly narrative/plane of this movie. i do not blame her. anyway, she’s got the eagles from LOTR on her side. she dopes the shit out of charlie hunnam (again, why) with a literal snake and he solves his daddy/uncle issues (line @ jude law: “”””you created me”””””) in an incomprehensible nonlinear part of the narrative (she was captured, but i guess jude law let her go before hunnam got to the castle???? bc he’s Not So Bad After All? bc he was bored? eating a sandwich? fuck idk so she could have met him in the middle of fuck knows? i mean if they have medieval lyft or medieval twitter DMing or something??)  also, he may or may not have gone to a ””””””DARK””””””””island, but he did NOT solve his daddy issues there. he did, however, fight some rodents of unusual size from the princess bride. 

ok that is all the energy i have; this movie has sapped me, i am nothing in the great maw of its terribleness. other stuff happens. we have a happy ending, with 4/6ths of the Round Table built (literally and figuratively), and some Vikings conceding to charlie hunnam for no other reason than he’s a bro, i guess. line: how do u scam money out of a viking? u talk to them. SEE MILLENNIALS ALL U HAVE TO DO IS TALK AND PPL GIVE U MONEY or be born the true heir to the throne of (fake england). 

the worst part is that i don’t understand how jude law, who is 44, looks the same the entire movie and watches as charlie hunnam, who is 37, grows up and eventually challenges him. eric bana, who is 48, doubtlessly had fictional charlie hunnam arthur at like 27-35, making jude law the same age in that fiction. i guess men can just ???? play any age????????? forever??????? honorable mentions: the soundtrack, jude law’s eyeshadow, and the preview for atomic blonde. 

[queenwallaby]

DO ALL OF THEM

It won't bold but w/e Vanilla Chai Latte : Are you in love? 
Not with a person. I'm close to that but it's complicated. Flat White : Coffee or Tea?
Neither, actually. I only like hot cocoa. Cappuccino : What’s your middle name?
JeanMocha : Dream Job?
Not having one and being taken care of by an older, rich woman. Pumpkin Spice : Dream car?
Probably something extra. Jasmine Tea : If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?Australia. Preferably the outback. Alone with nature as intended. Old English : You’re stranded on an island, who do you bring with you?
Bear Grylls probably??. Or Gibbs. Iced Chocolate : Do you have a crush on someone? I have crushes on a lot of people. Girls make me blush. Caramel Frappe : Favorite video game?
The Last Of Us. Iced Lemon Tea : Favorite song/band?
Favorite band is Muse. My current favorite song is the Exogenesis: Symphony Iced Cafe Mocha : Favorite thing to do on rainy days?
Play video games, go outside, listen to music with hoodlums. Hot Chocolate : Are you an affectionate person? I guess you could say that. Caramel Macchiato : You’re travelling the entire world but you can only take one person with you. Who do you take? Shelby, the moon of my life. Green Tea : How tall are you?
5′4" my doctor told me today Early Grey Tea : The inevitable Zombie Apocalypse is upon us! What’s your plan of action?
I figured I'd go with Shelby. But if she doesn't dig it then I'll probably just kill myself or take my store over. Mint Tea : How do you relax?
PotVanilla Latte : Board games or drinking games?
Board games that are drinking games. Iced Coffee : Do you like reading? If so, what’s your favorite book?
I did. I haven't been able to read a book since I started taking my current medication. But my favorite book is an old King Arthur book I can't really remember. Something with a seeing stone. Italian Soda : Describe your dream date
probably something simple like the zoo or you know. Actually having one anymore. Sparkling Water : Describe what qualities you look for in a person. Humor, honesty, loyalty. Orange Juice : Have you ever had a valentine?
Yeah. Rose Hip Tea : Describe your first kiss. Sloppy. Herbal Tea : You’re at a candle shop, what scented candle do you buy?
Something fruity. Or whatever makes me feel good.

[rhaill]

100 Books English/German

Saw this on @sorrel-ly‘s blog and thought HEY I LOVE THESE THINGS and also I’m a book...seller? I work in a book store so I ought to know my shit

well

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte Harry Potter series - JK Rowling To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee The Bible Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman Great Expectations - Charles Dickens Little Women - Louisa M Alcott Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy Catch 22 - Joseph Heller Complete Works of Shakespeare Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger Middlemarch - George Eliot Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald Bleak House - Charles Dickens War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy David Copperfield - Charles Dickens Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis Emma - Jane Austen Persuasion - Jane Austen The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne Animal Farm - George Orwell The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood Lord of the Flies - William Golding Atonement - Ian McEwan Life of Pi - Yann Martel Dune - Frank Herbert Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens Brave New World - Aldous Huxley The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov The Secret History - Donna Tartt The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas On The Road - Jack Kerouac Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie Moby Dick - Herman Melville Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens Dracula - Bram Stoker The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson Ulysses - James Joyce The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome Germinal - Emile Zola Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray Possession - AS Byatt. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell The Color Purple - Alice Walker The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry Charlotte’s Web - EB White The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks Watership Down - Richard Adams A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas Hamlet - William Shakespeare Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

15/100 read 7/100 to read

JRR Tolkien - Der Herr der Ringe / The Lord of the Rings Die Bibel / the Bible K. Follett - Die Säulen der Erde / The Pillars of the Earth P. Süskind - Das Parfum / The Perfume A. de Saint-Exupéry - Der kleine Prinz / The Little Prince T. Mann – Buddenbrooks / Buddenbrooks N. Gordon - Der Medicus / The Physician P. Coelho - Der Alchimist / The Alchemist JK Rowling - Harry Potter und der Stein der Weisen / Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone D. W. Cross - Die Päpstin / Pope Joan C. Funke - Tintenherz / Inkheart D. Gabaldon - Feuer und Stein / The Outlander I. Allende - Das Geisterhaus / The House of Spirits B. Schlink - Der Vorleser / The Reader JW von Goethe - Faust. Der Tragödie erster Teil / Faust. Part one CR Zafón - Der Schatten des Windes / The Shadow of the Wind J. Austen - Stolz und Vorurteil / Pride and Prejudice U. Eco  - Der Name der Rose / The Name of the Rose D. Brown - Illuminati / Angels & demons T. Fontane - Effi Briest / Effi Briest JK Rowling - Harry Potter und der Orden des Phönix / Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix T. Mann - Der Zauberberg / The Magic Mountain M. Mitchell - Vom Winde verweht / Gone with the wind H. Hesse – Siddharta / Siddharta H. Mulisch - Die Entdeckung des Himmels / The Discovery of Heaven M. Ende - Die unendliche Geschichte / The Neverending Story U. Hahn - Das verborgene Wort / not translated? F. McCourt - Die Asche meiner Mutter / Angela’s ashes H. Hesse - Narziss und Goldmund / Narcissus and Goldmund M. Zimmer Bradley - Die Nebel von Avalon / The Mists of Avalon S. Lenz – Deutschstunde / The German lesson S. Márai - Die Glut / Embers M. Frisch - Homo faber / Homo faber S. Nadolny - Die Entdeckung der Langsamkeit / The discovery of slowness M. Kundera - Die unerträgliche Leichtigkeit des Seins / The unbearable lightness of being G. Garcia Márquez - Hundert Jahre Einsamkeit / One houndred years of solitude J. Irving - Owen Meany / A prayer for Owen Meany J. Gaarder - Sofies Welt / Sophie’s world  D. Adams - Per Anhalter durch die Galaxis / The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy M. Haushofer - Die Wand / The Wall J. Irving - Gottes Werk und Teufels Beitrag / The cider house rules G. Garcia Márquez - Die Liebe in den Zeiten der Cholera / Love in the time of cholera T. Fontane - Der Stechlin / Der Stechling H. Hesse - Der Steppenwolf / Steppenwolf H. Lee - Wer die Nachtigal stört / To Kill a Mockingbird T. Mann - Joseph und seine Brüder / Joseph and his brothers E. Strittmatter - Der Laden / not translated? G. Grass - Die Blechtrommel / The tin drum E. M. Remarque - Im Westen nichts Neues / All quiet on the western front F. Schätzing - Der Schwarm / The swarm N. Sparks - Wie ein einziger Tag / The notebook JK Rowling - Harry Potter und der Gefangene von Askaban / Harry Potter and the prisoner of Askaban M. Ende – Momo / Momo (The grey gentlemen) U. Johnson - Jahrestage / Anniversaries. From the Life of Gesine Cresspahl M. Morgan – Traumfänger / Mutant message down under J. D. Salinger -  Der Fänger im Roggen / The catcher in the rye D. Brown – Sakrileg / The da Vinci code O. Preußler – Krabat / Krabat A. Lindgren - Pippi Langstrumpf / Pippi Longstocking W. Dirie – Wüstenblume / Desert Flower S. Tamaro - Geh, wohin dein Herz dich trägt / not translated? M. Fredriksson - Hannas Töchter / Hanna’s daughters H. Mankell – Mittsommermord / One step behind H. Mankell - Die Rückkehr des Tanzlehrers / The return of the dancing master J. Irving - Das Hotel New Hampshire / The hotel New Hampshire L. Tolstoi - Krieg und Frieden / War and peace H. Hesse - Das Glasperlenspiel / The glass bead game R. Pilcher - Die Muschelsucher / The shell seekers JK Rowling - Harry Potter und der Feuerkelch / Harry Potter and the goblet of fire A. Frank – Tagebuch / The diary of Anne Frank B. Groult - Salz auf unserer Haut / not translated? Original Les vaisseaux du cœur C. Brückner - Jauche und Levkojen / Manure and stock J. Franzen - Die Korrekturen / The corrections C. Hofmann - Die weiße Massai / not translated? S. Hustvedt - Was ich liebte / What I loved W. Moers - Die dreizehn Leben des Käpt’n Blaubär / The 13 ½ lives of Captain Bluebear R. Gablé - Das Lächeln der Fortuna / not translated? E.-E. Schmitt - Monsieur Ibrahim und die Blumen des Koran / Mr. Ibrahim and the Flowers of the Koran K. May – Winnetou / Winnetou Annemarie Selinko – Désirée / Désirée S.Zweig - Nirgendwo in Afrika / Nowhere in Africa J. Irving - Garp und wie er die Welt sah / The world according Garp E. Brontë - Die Sturmhöhe / Wuthering heights C. Ahern - P.S. Ich liebe Dich / P.S. I love you G. Orwell – 1984 / 1984 Ildiko von Kürthy – Mondscheintarif / Moonlight tariff I. Allende – Paula / Paula M. Levy - Solange du da bist / If only it where true J. M. Simmel - Es muss nicht immer Kaviar sein / not translated? P. Coelho - Veronika beschließt zu sterben / Veronica decides to die H. Mankell - Der Chronist der Winde / Chronicler of the winds M. Bulgakow - Der Meister und Margarita / The master and magarita S. Zweig -  Schachnovelle / The royal game W. Kempowski - Tadellöser & Wolff / not translated? L. Tolstoi - Anna Karenina / Anna Karenina F. Dostojewski - Schuld und Sühne / Crime and punishment A. Dumas - Der Graf von Monte Christo / The count of Monte Christo T. Kinkel - Die Puppenspieler / not translated? C. Brontë - Jane Eyre / Jane Eyre B. Wood - Rote Sonne, schwarzes Land / Green city in the sun

17/100 read 4/100 to read

[mrmichaelchadler]

The Best Current Source for Streaming Classic Movies is ... Amazon Prime?

What is the classic movie fan to do in the era of Netflix? For a few glorious years FilmStruck was our salvation, offering a rich, well-curated collection of films from the silent era through the 1970s, something Netflix gave up on years ago. 

So with FilmStruck dead, where can the fan of classic movies—let's say, just for the sake of argument, anything older than 40 years—get their fix without resorting to renting each and every title on iTunes or Fandango?

The answer might surprise you. The meatiest streaming source for world cinema classics is Kanopy, a free service offered through most (though not all) public and college library systems. But there's a limit of five streams per month and while they carry hundreds of titles from the Criterion Collection from such directors as Akira Kurosawa and Ingmar Bergman, the collection of classic American cinema is relatively small.

That's where Amazon Prime Video enters the picture. Netflix has maybe a dozen Hollywood feature films from the years between 1940 and 1980, along with a collection of war documentaries and rarities from pioneering women filmmakers and African-American directors. Interesting, yes, even admirable, but awfully limited in scope and selection.

Prime Video offers a rich, rapidly-churning catalog of sixties and seventies cinema: "Chinatown" and "All the President's Men," "A Clockwork Orange" and "Raging Bull," "The Great Escape" and "Mickey One." And back it goes through Billy Wilder's "Some Like it Hot" and "The Apartment," John Huston's "Moby Dick," Howard Hawks' "Red River," "Born Yesterday" with Judy Holliday and William Holden, "Platinum Blonde" with Jean Harlow, and holiday perennial "It's a Wonderful Life" just to name just a few. 

Dig a little deeper and you can find the deliriously baroque western "Johnny Guitar" with Joan Crawford, end-of-the-world drama "Five" from radio drama pioneer Arch Oboler, "Dead Reckoning" with Humphrey Bogart, "The 7th Voyage of Sinbad" with Ray Harryhausen effects, and Ben Gazzara in "The Strange One," the first film from "Private Property" director and Actor's Studio legend Jack Garfein. There are silent films, crime pictures, westerns, and musicals, plus gialli, spaghetti westerns and Italian crime thrillers, Japanese gangster pictures, cult oddities like Slava Tsukerman's "Liquid Sky" and Teruo Ishii's "Horrors of Malformed Men," and even a few international classics.

So why isn't Prime Video getting more attention?

Amazon's catalog of Hollywood and international classics is admittedly on the shallow side compared to the height of FilmStruck, which married two amazing catalogues with a deep collection of film history. But it's an eclectic collection and it's always churning out new titles. In 2018, Amazon Prime members could stream "Mean Streets," "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," "The Man Who Would Be King," "Barry Lyndon," "Bullitt," "Performance," "Point Blank," "Bonnie and Clyde," "Gone With the Wind," and "The Wizard of Oz." 

Still, there's a major problem: finding the films in Amazon's catalog. FilmStruck was curated, and told subscribers what was new and it provided spotlights on directors, actors, and various themes to encourage exploration. The classics of Prime Video are buried amongst scores of B-movies, old and new.

There are others problems: Amazon offers both a Prime Video service of streaming movies with a subscription along with its huge selection of Amazon rentals. Recommendation galleries and search results often bring up a mix of both. Even some individual films—"Red River," for example—are offered from multiple sources, only one of which is included in the Prime subscription. The search results don't always favor the free version, which is usually indistinguishable in quality. The only difference is that one will cost you a few dollars to rent. It may simply be a flaw in the system but a more cynical take might see this as a sneaky way to grab a few extra bucks. Whatever the reason, it's doesn’t help the Amazon Prime subscriber make the most of their service.

While the majority of films are presented in fine editions, indifferent quality control means that there are scores of poor copies of public domain titles (as well as some more recent films) that don't look or sound much better than the bargain bin videotapes you could find 20 years ago. That's an instant turn-off in an age where studios routinely remaster their catalog for the HD era. 

Browsing by genre on Amazon Prime is like wading through the donations bin of a library sale and counting on Amazon's own recommendations isn't much better. For a company that built its success on targeting consumers based on their buying patterns, the metrics of Amazon's search function fail to sort the wheat from the chaff of its streaming library. 

And there's a lot of chaff in their vast collection. For example, when I log in to my account and click my way to "Movies" and "included with Prime," I get plenty of recent releases front-loaded on the page. There are even a few genuine classics in my "Top Rated Movies" feed: "A Clockwork Orange," "The Big Country," "The Great Escape." But when I scroll down to "Classic Movies" the pickings are, shall we say, a little less promising. 1983 "Animal House" knock-off "Screwballs," "Lone Wolf McQuade" with Chuck Norris, and the vile "The Evil That Men Do" with Charles Bronson are all offered up before "All the President's Men" and "The Apartment" appear. Definitions of the term "classic" aside, what in my search history churns up these suggestions?

With FilmStruck gone and no real alternative filling the void at present, Amazon is in a prime position to grab up fans of classic movies. But why isn't there some kind of mailing promoting those older classics cycling through the catalog every month? And why aren't Amazon's Facebook and Twitter feeds alerting movie buffs of what's new beyond "Mrs. Maisel" and "You Were Never Really Here" and other Prime Originals? For a marketing powerhouse like Amazon, they can't seem to find my sweet spot, and I'm a guy who is constantly clicking on classic titles to spotlight in my newspaper columns and website.

There's a great selection of films for film buffs, classics fans, and adventurous viewers. All they need is a little help finding them. So here's a sampling of just a few titles from across the spectrum that you can stream now with a Prime subscription, a little something for all tastes: 

Bonafide Classics:

Alan J. Pakula's "All the President’s Men" (1976) with Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman.

Roman Polanski's "Chinatown" (1974) with Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway.

World War II adventure "The Great Escape" (1963) with Steve McQueen leading a grand cast of escapees.

Stanley Kubrick's anti-war classic "Paths of Glory" (1958) with Kirk Douglas.

George Cukor's "Born Yesterday" (1950), which earned an Oscar for Judy Holliday.

Howard Hawks' epic western "Red River" (1948) with John Wayne and Montgomery Clift.

George Stevens' "The Talk of the Town" (1942) with Jean Arthur, Cary Grant, and Ronald Colman.

Leo McCarey's "The Awful Truth" (1937) with Cary Grant and Irene Dunne.

Gregory La Cava's screwball masterpiece "My Man Godfrey" (1936) with William Powell and Carole Lombard. There are plenty of bad editions out there; this is from an excellent source.

"Gumshoe"

A Deeper Dive:

"Images" (1972, R) – Susannah York won the Best Actress award at Cannes for her performance as a deeply schizophrenic author in Robert Altman’s richly textured psychological thriller.

"Gumshoe" (1972) – The feature debut of director Stephen Frears is a playful tribute to American crime movies starring the late Albert Finney as a small time Liverpool entertainer playing private detective.

"Age of Consent" (1969) – James Mason is an artist who flees England for Australia to go Gauguin on a tropical island and a young Helen Mirren is his muse in Michael Powell's final feature film.

"Mickey One" (1965) – Warren Beatty is a nightclub comic who goes on the run when the mob tries to kill him in the offbeat psychodrama from director Arthur Penn.

"Zulu" (1964) – Stanley Baker, Jack Hawkins, and Michael Caine are hopelessly outnumbered in Cy Enfield's end-of-the-empire military epic set in a colonial 19th century African outpost.

"Underworld U.S.A." (1961) – Organized crime is merely another form of big business in Sam Fuller's punchy, pulpy revenge drama with Cliff Robertson, one of the director's best.

"The Big Country" (1958) – William Wellman's sweeping cattle country epic stars Gregory Peck, Charlton Heston, Burl Ives, and a gloriously epic score.

"The Barefoot Contessa" (1954) – Ava Gardner is the title character in the Joseph L. Mankiewicz drama, but Humphrey Bogart took top billing and supporting actor Edmund O'Brien took home the Oscar.

"Johnny Guitar" (1954) – Scarlett businesswoman Joan Crawford takes on repressed Mercedes McCambridge in a psychological western with political reverberations from Nicholas Ray.

"Merrily We Go To Hell" (1932) – Dorothy Arzner, a rare career woman director in the Hollywood’s early sound era, directs this sassy pre-code drama of society decadence and excess with Fredric March and Sylvia Sidney.

"Cockfighter"

Cult Movies:

"Cockfighter" (1974) – Warren Oates is an obsessive cockfighting trainer who takes a vow of silence after his hubris costs him the championship in the offbeat adaptation of Charles Willeford's novel directed by Monte Hellman.

"Wake in Fright" (1971) – The brutal, blackly funny thriller of an urban schoolteacher (Gary Bond) stranded in a grimy mining town in the sun-blasted Australian Outback anticipates the New Australian Cinema. Donald Pleasance co-stars.

"Death Laid an Egg" (Italy, 1968) – Italian murder mystery intertwines with surreal satire in Giulio Questi's "film blanc" starring Jean-Louis Trintignant as a gentleman poultry farmer who unwinds from a hard day by murdering prostitutes. Gina Lollobrigida and Ewa Aulin co-star.

"Homicidal" (1961) – If William Castle is the B-movie Hitchcock, then this devious little gem is his "Psycho," an inspired twist with a shocker of a first-act murder, a third-act psychologist’s explanation, and Castle's own invention: the "Fright Break."

"The Golden Coach"

Foreign Affairs: 

"Perceval" (France, 1978) – Eric Rohmer’s most unique feature, a strange, sophisticated mix of theater, medieval literature, story-song, and cinema, is a glorious odyssey into the very nature of stories and storytelling.

"The Firemen's Ball" (Czechoslovakia, 1967) – A satirical edges of Milos Forman's dark comedy of a small town fire brigade's annual fund raising party unraveling in chaos was not lost on the Soviet government, which tried to ban the film.

"The Golden Coach" (France, 1952) – Anna Magnani is the earthy, vivacious diva of a traveling troupe of Italian commedia dell'arte players in a Peruvian backwater in Jean Renoir's loving tribute to the theater of love and the power of art. Amazon offers the English language version, which Renoir acknowledged as the definitive version.

"Zero for Conduct" (France, 1933) – Jean Vigo's anarchic gem celebrates the rebellious spirit of adolescent boys in the first masterpiece of pre-pubescent self-actualization, a strange and wonderful film full of unbridled imagination, flights of fantasy, and delirious images.

from All Content http://bit.ly/2GCnDMa

[thedeadshotnetwork]

2017 Best Buy Black Friday Tech Deals: All The TV Shows, Movies, And TVs On Sale Black Friday is upon us, and that means a ton of deals on everything you could want. As expected, retailers have released their deals ahead of the big day, like Best Buy. With the doors opening at 5 PM on Thanksgiving evening--in some states--the retailer is offering up some big deals for TVs, movies, and more. As far as TVs go, Best Buy has a 50-inch Sharp LED 4K television with Roku for $179.99. Normally, the television costs $500 and is currently on sale for $400 on the retailer's website . In addition, you can get a 60-inch LED 4K TV from Sony for $600, which currently costs $1,000 . There is also some pretty decent deals on 4K players, with the most notable being the LG 4K player for $100. It's worth noting that most of the TVs sold on Black Friday aren't of the highest quality, so it may not be the best choice for your 4K gaming. You can check out television reviews on our sister site CNET to see if these deals are right for you. If you're looking to add to your movie collection, the retailer has a ton of movies on sale, many of which come with a digital copy as well. The most notable of the bunch is The Princess Bride on Blu-Ray for $2. In addition, you can get some of the latest home releases on 4K for $10-15. Best Buy also has movie collections listed, but the retailer does not have the Black Friday prices listed. Those who are eager to start shopping early can take advantage of a pre-Black Friday sale that is already underway. While the discounts are not as steep, in addition to the games that are on sale right now , there are sales on TVs, gaming PCs, streaming devices, home theater equipment, and a variety of movies and TV shows. That latter category includes a handful of 4K discs, including the Harry Potter Collection for $150, Westworld: The Complete First Season for $50, and Mad Max: High Octane Collection for $105. You can see the deals that are live here . A wide variety of deals are actually live right now; if you're a My Best Buy Elite or Elite Plus member, you can purchase Best Buy's doorbusters deals online here . Games, TVs, movies, and more are available without having to actually wait for Black Friday. Below, you'll find a list of Black Friday deals in TVs, movies, and tech that we think might be up your alley. You can check out the complete listing of deals on Best Buy's website . If you're looking for deals around video games and accessories, make sure to check out our comprehensive list of everything in gaming Best Buy has available for Black Friday , or every retailer through the links below: Black Friday 2017: All The Game And Tech Deals Best Black Friday 2017 Game And Tech Deals All The PS4 Black Friday 2017 Game, Console, And Accessory Deals All The Xbox One Black Friday 2017 Game, Console, And Accessory Deals All The Nintendo Switch Black Friday 2017 Game, Console, And Accessory Deals All The Nintendo 3DS Black Friday 2017 Game And Hardware Deals Best Buy Black Friday 2017 Game Deals GameStop Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Target Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Toys R Us Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Walmart Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Steam Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Newegg Black Friday 2017 PC Hardware Deals Microsoft Store Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Amazon Pre-Black Friday 2017 Game Deals PlayStation Store Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Xbox Live Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Nintendo Eshop Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Humble Store Black Friday 2017 Fall Sale Game Deals GOG Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Origin Black Friday 2017 PC Game Deals Ubisoft Story Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Best Buy Black Friday 2017 TV, Movie, And Tech Deals Target Black Friday 2017 TV, Movie, And Tech Deals Walmart Black Friday 2017 TV, Movie, And Tech Deals Micro Center Black Friday 2017 PC Hardware Deals Kohl's Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Costco Black Friday 2017 Game Deals Amazon Black Friday 2017 UK Game Deals Game Black Friday 2017 UK Game Deals PSN Black Friday 2017 UK Deals Best Buy Black Friday 2017 Deals Televisions Sharp 50" LED 2160p Smart Ultra HD Roku TV -- $180 Sony 60" LED 2160p 4K TV -- $600 Samsung 50" LED 2160p Smart 4K TV -- $400 Toshiba 55" LED 55" 2160p 4K TV -- $280 Sony 65" LED Smart 4K TV -- $1,500 Sony 75" LED Smart 4K TV -- $2,000 Samsung 65" LED Smart 4K TV -- $750 Blu-Ray And Streaming Players LG 4K HD 3D Blu-Ray Player -- $100 Sony Streaming 4K 3D Blu-Ray Player -- $150 Roku Premiere+ Media Player -- $50 Google Chromecast Ultra -- $54 Google Chromecast -- $20 Tech GoPro Hero5 4K Camera w/Remote -- $350 (Comes w/$50 gift card) Amazon Echo (2nd Gen) -- $80 Google Home -- $80 Linksys Max Stream Tri-Band Wi-Fi Router -- $100 Linksys Dual-Band Wi-Fi Gaming Router with Killer Prioritization Engine -- $230 4K HD Movies for $10 Wonder Woman Fate of the Furious Transformers: The Last Knight John Wick Ex Machina Furious 7 Fast Furious 6 Cabin in the Woods Conan the Barbarian Kick-Ass 4K HD Movies for $15 Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales John Wick 2 Spider-Man: Homecoming War for the Planet of the Apes Kong: Skull Island Ghost in the Shell The Dark Tower Alien: Covenant Power Rangers Batman and Harley Quinn The Mummy XXX: Return of Xander Cage Blu Rays for $7 and Under Wonder Woman Baby Driver LEGO Batman Kong: Skull Island Batman v. Superman John Wick The Great Wall Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them Ash vs. Evil Dead Season 1 (DVD only) Batman: The Killing Joke King Arthur Elf Mad Max: Fury Road X-Men: Days of Future Past - The Rogue Cut DVDs for $2 Sandlot Bad Santa Princess Bride (Blu Ray) Godzilla Oblivion Willy Wonka The Chocolate Factory (40th Anniversary Edition) Mean Girls School of Rock Idiocracy Storage WD Easystore 4TB External USB 3.0 Portable Hard Drive -- $80 WD Easystore 8TB External USB 3.0 Portable Hard Drive -- $130 (Comes w/250 GB Cloud Storage) Samsung EVO PLus 32GB MicroSDXC UHS-I Memory -- $10 Samsung EVO PLus 64GB MicroSDXC UHS-I Memory -- $20 SanDisk Ultra PLUS 128GB MicroSDXC UHS-I Memory -- $30 November 24, 2017 at 12:13PM

[salty-dracon]

ace hang invites more people to fuck around on youtube

THE REAL VAMPIRES OF RC | Interview with Adrian from PerpetualThirst!

Adrian: So being a vampire... it’s like, you know, being gay. Not that you’d understand since you’re not gay. Well, I’m not either, but I’m a vampire.

Lily: O...kay?

Adrian: Like, no one chooses to be a vampire. It’s just a thing that happens. Like when you’re gay. And you can tell because you have these huge pointy canine teeth and you really want to drink blood. Kinda like when you’re gay, and you want to fuck people that are the same gender as you. 

Val: Heh. So do people like, want to kill you for it or something?

Adrian: Yeah, I’ve gotten arrested once or twice for like, just trying to get my fill. It’s really hard. People just aren’t willing to donate their blood anymore. So, like, you have to take it. Sometimes by force. Using a knife.

Lily: So you’ve actually attacked someone for their blood?

Adrian: Yeah. It’s normal.

Val: ...

Lily: ...

Adrian: You know how the cops used to attack gay people for being gay? It’s like that.

---

BUSINESS LADY | Interview with some business lady!

Amelia: So tell me about this... YouTube.

Lily: Well, it’s the only major and general platform for sharing video with the general public. Well, not “only”, more like “biggest and easiest to use”.

Amelia: I see, I see. So, what other platforms exist?

Lily: Uhhh, Twitch?

Val: But that’s more livestreaming stuff, and it’s gamer-oriented. Oh, and DailyMotion. And Vimeo.

Lily: But DailyMotion is laggy and annoying, and Vimeo’s geared towards professional animators and stuff like that. And we’re just regular ol’ kids who edit videos of us gaming. 

Val: But YouTube has its share of problems. Like demonetizing videos that contain otherwise nonoffensive words like “lesbian” or “gay” or stuff like that. Like, now they’re demonetizing everything. And for people who basically make a job through this service, it’s absolutely devastating.

Lily: Yeah, and YouTube also does nothing for content creators that actually ruin the system for everyone else. I’m sure you’ve heard of the PewDiePie scandals. 

Amelia: Thaumas?

Thaumas: *offscreen* A very popular YouTube star has made a number of antisemetic and racist remarks in the past. 

Lily: Oh yeah, and then there was the viewcount drop for whatever reason. 

Val: Is that even over?

Lily: I have no clue.

Amelia: Ah, interesting. I know there are parts of my company which use this platform to... train others. So, what is the relation of this platform, to say, consumers like you? If you do view videos.

Angel: *offscreen* Ms. Fisher, the tea is ready.

Amelia: Does he know you run this channel?

Lily: Of course he does. We even had him show up in some of our videos. 

Amelia: Can I see?

(Lily and Val exchange worried glances)

----

UP TO Y’ALL | Talking Asexuality w/ Straight Ass Narin!

Narin: So, like, what if you four were stuck on an island together? Would you, like... fuck?

Arthur: No.

Narin: But you’re asexuals, which means you don’t necessarily dislike sex. You just... don’t want to fuck people on sight. Right?

Lily: No one fucking touches me.

Val: I don’t really care about fucking.

Brid: It’s not like I want to screw strangers.

Arthur: I’m uncomfortable with the idea.

Lily: Besides, I feel like babies would be a bad idea on a desert island. And maybe they have STDs, I don’t know.

Narin: But couldn’t you fuck Brid?

Brid: N-No! I mean, Lily’s just... she’s not someone I really like... 

Lily: Brid could have a yeast infection or something!

Narin: Just use condoms or something.

Lily: On a desert island?

Narin: Make your own!

Everyone: ............

----

THIS GAME IS SATAN | Doki Doki Literature Club w/ Clubs and Hearts!

(Some jumpscare happens. Val jumps back, Lily almost screams but starts choking on her own spit and collapses on the ground, Brid looks like she’s about to have a panic attack, and Arthur looks like he’s about to cry)

Lily: GAHKKK... KFFF... water... *loud coughing*

Arthur: JESUS FUCK DONT KILL ME!

Brid: OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD

Val: Iswearmyheartjustfuckingstoppedohgodmybodyscramping.... fuck *falls out of chair*

(Angel walks in. He sees the kids in varying degrees of pain. After trying to contemplate what to do for a few seconds, he leaves.)

Val: I don’t think we can move on. So thanks for watching, that’s the end of this episode of Doki Doki Literature Club. Like and subscribe, comment down below, please tell us how to get the good ending.

Arthur: *actually starts crying*

----

FILMING IN LILY’S HOUSE | Danganronpa Chapter 3 w/ Not Narin!

Brooke: So where’s your sister? I’m kinda getting paid by the hour to tutor her.

Lily: Who knows. Just let us know if we’re being too loud. Silently. We’re filming Danganronpa today. 

Brooke: ...what?

Val: The video game. Danganronpa.

Brooke: ... My brother’s going to pick me up, just saying. So, if you see this red Tesla out front, it’s his.

Val: Tesla? Holy shit.

Lily: His name’s Grey, right? My mom won’t stop asking me to ask him about college and shit. And then she does it herself. Oh god, he must feel awkward.

Brooke: Yeah. He’s probably not interested in you or your mom, to be honest. No wonder your sister can’t stop complaining about her... Can I take my smoke break now?

Val: You smoke?

Brooke: Oh god, not again... Listen, I don’t care if I die from lung cancer-

Val: No, we’re fine with it, just not in the house. And my dad’s downstairs talking with her mom. About tea. Just not around them.

Lily: Yeah, my mom will never let a smoker in the house. 

Brooke: ...Thank you.

----

BE A MAN | Life Lessons w/ Angel!

Angel: *addressing lily and brid* While you may receive enjoyment out of nonconformity to gender ideals, it’s your conformity to various aspects that will help you rise in the educated world. For example, a woman should always be well-dressed. Never immodest, but well-dressed. 

(Lily blatantly doesn’t care, Brid’s listening but looking bored)

Angel: A woman should also be confident in her own sexuality, no matter what society tries to tell her. When you’ve ascended high enough in the social ladder, and trust me, you’ll know when, you can afford to be confident in that way. Until then, you must rely on your wits. The same applies to men. They must always follow the same rules a woman does, to uphold a standard that is to be respected. Furthermore, as women are historically more fragile and important creatures to mankind’s survival, a man must take every step to protect the women in his life, as well as to never hurt a woman themselves. Women should never be afraid to defend themselves, and speak the truth. 

Brid: Okay, I think that’s enough-

Angel: However, you may meet a man one day that you have... feelings for. Know that the hot feeling you get down there is absolutely normal for a woman your age, and is nothing to be ashamed of. You may start to crave the feeling of... something... down there. Long and phallic. While men aren’t necessary for the long and phallic nature of the object you want in there, it’s perfectly normal to want something.

Lily: Okay, okay-

Angel: If you do decide to stick objects up your vagina, men would rather you keep it a private matter. I don’t mind, of course- but men in general would rather that the only thing that enter your sacred flower be their penis-

Lily: And that’s all the time we have for this episode. Tune in tomorrow for more shenanigans involving video games and sh-stuff. Bye. Like and subscribe.

Angel: And comment in the comments section! Only nice things of course!

*Brid facepalms*

----

HOW TO BOOB RESPONSIBLY | Shantae: Half-Genie Hero!

(Giga Mermaid Level)

Lily: ALL I WANNA DOOO IS SEE YOU TURN INTOOO A GIANT WOMAN

Val: WITH BIG ASS BOOBS

Lily: THIS IS LITERALLY A GAME FOR LESBIANS

Michy: *pops head in* Lesbians?

Val: OH MY GOD I DIED

Lily: Big booby mermaids!

Michy: Dude, what the fuck? I wanna see!... that is one thicc mermaid