#MAYBE ONE DAY ILL GO A BIT MORE INTO EACH BUT UHHH

[literalite]

literally just me talking about edit stuff because im in a mood

these r what i would call like my base level of ingame edits (i dont reallyyyyyy count my cas screenshots as edits unless i spend an actual amount of time actually working on them rather than my usual blur+chromatic aberration+sharpen combo) theres usually very little? or like no actual basis in the characters "canon" or lore like its just done to make them look nice. right. or like its fun lighting practise for me really. theyre usually pretty simple in execution like in the two examples there its just plain yellow background for sunny and the neon cross for vin so i have to put a little extra oomf into it because the backgrounds are like not super detailed so theres less of an "interest" factor from that so the sims themselves have to look REALLY good to make up for it. the ones i end up happy with though usually look really dynamic so it balances out

so these are more sort of abstract edits to me bc they have a basis in the oc lore or themes or whatever and most of my ocs have at least one or two visual markers (in the examples lucari or even just ari specifically gets a fair amount of celestial/sky imagery, i handled the colours here a bit sloppily but its meant to be blue and purple which are ari and luca's text colours, heiya's emphasis being on her muscles and scars and the clouded solar eclipse, redacted gets a lot of water/reflective surfaces/birds/rainbow flares?? and also lightning but that isnt being used in this specific one and sunny gets a fair amount of fire/smoke stuff as well as emphasis on primary colours like his more blue toned edits r usually in his darker stages of his life while warmer yellows means more positive stuff, red usually is just for uhhh violence oriented stuff) and like none of these are Actually happening. right. redacted isnt actually ever in that position with that era of hair in the water with the birds and sunny was set on fire at 13 not as an adult and they certainly never had a portrait of his family like that. but its symbolic, it means Something even if you as the viewer doesnt know it yet 😅 or ever aha

OKAY LOL I PRESSED POST BY ACCIDENT LOL but these are my full lore edits or something likr theyre totally rooted in the background of the ocs. like these are scenes from their lives for real. obviously i fiddle with lighting angle composition a tinyyyy bit to make for a more pleasing or dynamic image at the end but if my ocs all got dedicated like. movies or shows these would be ripped straight from the scene. i take creative liberties with some stuff but in essence these could be story posts (like the 3rd example with idris/redacted is literally in the story itself in one of the posts) the difference is usually amount of images in the post and orientation of said image/s. to me an edit stops being an edit when it has more than likeeeeee 4 images and then i will usually keep that bulk all in landscape or maybe one as portrait for emphasis. edits will be 4 or less and mostly in portrait because i want the less images to take up more room on the dash. the backgrounds for these will usually be way more complex like ill build a mini set or use existing sets for each one. i just think that ingame edits have a lot more capability than you might think (u dont have to go into blender for every little thing promise 🙌🏼) its just like. u can do a lot with this game i swearrrrrr just treat it like an art medium. im serious

ALSO the song almost always is sooo relevant to the edit i swear its not enough to sound good. i have to be unwell about it as well and it has to make sense with what im showing u

ok thats my random unrequested ted talk for the day im going to go home now bye thank u for reading if u did that 😁

[rot--mutt]

okay need to put my tma thoughts down somewhere because hyperifxation has consumed me.

anyways im... not quite to ep 100 yet? dont remember exactly which ep im on but anyways. i am... so intrigued. i kinda already know all the fear entities because ive seen them about in stuff, cant recall all of them off the top of my head though. umm..... trying really hard to figure out where this goes. i wanted to put down some guesses in this post (don't know if ill actually post it or save to drafts but i digress) but my mind is blank bc it's overrun with the hyperfixation.

curious to see if the worms from the infestation come back again. realllly want to meet some of the other avatars. trying to figure out if the Eye does anything outside of the Institute, if it claims all institute employees (unlikely) or only certain ones (more likely). Trying to figure out what "protections" the archives have that everyone references whenever it goes to shit. I find it kinda funny that Tim and Martin both went to corridor realm but haven't been reclaimed??? I'm sure theyve left the archives since then and havent been 100% safe but maybe they've both been wary about unfamiliar doors. idk. trying to figure out what the Not!Them are associated with. they seem like they could be with Distortion but my first inclination was Stranger. maybe both??? maybe certain... beings are outside the realm of distinct categories. I know that people talk about Martin and Jon being gay together, beginning to wonder if it's ever going to happen on screen, ehhh.... or on tape if you will. i really can't keep track of most of these characters so i can't put together more articulate, well, guesses, i think calling these theories would be a bet of an overstatement. hell ive barely even guessed with most of these, can't really organize my thoughts well enough for guessing these days (but that's a whole other post).

current favorite characters are Michael and Jon bc im predictable. Also their interactions with other characters are top-tier, the others are bit.... boringly polite to each other.

uhhh yeah! TMA cool, excited to see where it goes. will probably immediately re-listen and write out a loose timeline and list of character profiles.

[ask-commander-wendy]

((FIRST OFF HNGKH YES OF COURSE YOU CAN DO THAT I WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY HONORED

ahem, second off, for my OTPS with wendy, I have three in mind (sticking with canon characters for ease and also to avoid as though I come off picking favorites, I love all my relationships with ocs so far!) which I’ll go ahead and put in the read more below (because I have a lot of feelings about each of them)

The first two are probably a bit obvious if you’ve been keeping up with my blog for the last month.

Jango/Wendy

Now, this was The Original Wendy OTP. Being completely honest with y’all, Jango is the reason I chose to bring Wendy back from what had basically been a five-year hiatus of her character. The thing I like most about them as a couple is how each sees something they want to become in one another. I know this is my own interpretation of the character, and I’m sure it’s probably a bit deeper than Oda ever intended for his character, but I see Jango as really wanting to improve himself after his pirate days, and I think he wants to create bonds with people in a way that he couldn’t on Kuro’s crew. That’s why he’s so openly emotional about his feelings towards Fullbody and Hina. I like the idea of Jango being allowed to branch out emotionally towards people like that, in a genuine sort of way. In Wendy’s mainverse, she fell in love with Jango pretty soon after meeting him once he and Fullbody were assigned along side her with Hina. She unironically loves his dances and his clothes and his weird personality. Even knowing that he used to be a pirate, she sees that goodness in him and she really doesn’t want to let go. I like to think that being in a relationship would be fun and happy and healthy and help each of them grow in their own emotional respects, seeing how both have mostly only allowed themselves very shallow, exaggerated relationships with others up to this point (Wendy in her excessive idolization of marines and Jango in his leader role of a pirate ship). Most of this probably doesn’t make sense, seeing as though their relationship plays out best in their interactions rather than words, but basically I just... I really like that idea of Wendy finding someone that makes her happy that she can finally feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable to if she needs to be, and I just think that Wendy and Jango are on a very similar wave length when it comes to how they want to live their lives, loud and carefree and doing what they love with people they love. 

Kuzan/Wendy

THIS WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. I’M DEAD SERIOUS. Her relationship with Kuzan didn’t even really start coming into mind until very recently before I kicked this blog off. I honestly can’t even remember what lead me to start thinking about their possible relationship to one another but boy once I started it, the god damned flood gates opened. So much of Wendy’s current character and personality is connected with her feelings towards Kuzan and how she handled him leaving the marines (read, She Didn’t Handle It). Part of what I really enjoy about Kuzan and Wendy (besides that sweet sweet angst) is how choosing to actually pursue any feelings she may have towards him forces her to open up emotionally in a way that she would never ever do otherwise. Learning how to cope with his absence, and whether or not to forgive him is one of the most mature, serious things Wendy has to do for herself. I think it’s important to remember that not only did Kuzan leave the marines, but as of now, he seems to be allied with the Blackbeard Pirates, the same crew that quite literally scarred her. Really think about that for a minute. Forgiving Kuzan and being willing to learn about why he made his choices is not something that Wendy is going to do easily. But in the end, I think learning to do that is going to make her a better person. Kuzan really enjoyed the fiery passion that Wendy held for justice, because it reminded him of his own passions when he was younger, and Wendy fell in love with Kuzan because of his sense of moral leaning justice, and the way that he pushed her to become stronger, whether he realized it or not. Kuzan is still one of the reasons Wendy pushes herself so hard, a very small, part of her that she knows is dumb and unrealistic and impossible wants to think that if she can become stronger and smarter and more experienced, she can convince him to come back. 

And for the last one that may not be as obvious,

Fujitora/Wendy

This is another one that just kinda Hit Me one day. In Wendy’s current mainverse, she’s never met Fujitora, only heard stories and news about him. However, if they were to ever really meet, Wendy would pretty effortlessly fall in love with him. One of the interesting things about Wendy’s initial perception of Issho is, before she ever has the chance to learn more about him, she’s actually internally pretty opposed to learning about him in the first place (she’d never say something that disrespectful out loud of course) and she can’t help but see him as “Kuzan’s replacement”. I think Fujitora would be a very essential character for Wendy to meet at some point, especially at her emotional point post time skip. Having someone that she could see truly still appreciated justice and knew that the Marines are supposed to be a force for good is something Wendy desperately needs in her life, and knowing someone with such a high ranking felt similar to how she does would really help her to remember why she considers the marines her home. Each of them want to do good, and each understand that the marines have a lot of improvement to do, but rather than leaving the marines to serve their own justice (COUGH KUZAN COUGH) they want to fix this system, rather than abandoning it, and each of them having one another to look to and know they aren’t alone would really help in their efforts, I think.

TL;DR VERSION

Jango/Wendy is loud and goofy, but also something that can allow each of them to be themselves, rather than inflated personalities.

Kuzan/Wendy is somber and serious, but it helps Wendy to grow and mature as a person and helps Kuzan remember the good in the world.

Fujitora/Wendy is soft and quiet, and despite the darkness they’ve seen in the world, they still find light in one another.

Honorable mentions: Kizaru/Wendy, Hina/Wendy, Ain/Wendy, aaaannnnnnddddd i may have a very specific modern au in which i ship teach/wendy but i’m gonna save that conversation for another day haahHahAhaahaAH

[the-fiction-witch]

first time together

REAL LIFE  COUPLE TBS X READER RATING: SMUT

I smiled nervous but excited sitting in the sofa in his very nice newly renovated house every so often sipping my glass of wine trying to not think about the tension in the room. We had been dating a good while now and due to work and such we hadn't really seen each other my h recently and one of those things when you can't see each other in a relationship is communication. He'd been working on some new things top secret so he couldn't tell me much but he'd been away alot and we'd been chatting mostly over whatsapp and phone calls. I had noticed our conversations some evening turn form our usual 'aww I miss you too', 'ill have to give you a huge hug when I get home' more to things like 'I wish you were here with me… if I had you here in this big bed maybe I wouldn't feel so lovely x', 'i miss you so badly, maybe when I get home you can stay over all weekend ;)' And so here I was with the intention to be staying l weekend, I had stayed the night before here and there not often as while it was getting revocated he was staying with his mum and sister so we didn't stay the night together too often. And more then anything the tension was there because as long as we've been dating, we hadn't had sex. We just hadn't yet been busy, and with all that was going on with work, and his house and the move it was all so busy and we just kinda never found the right time. It didn't bother me and honestly I don't think I bothered him that we didn't but I think we both need that this weekend it was probably gonna happen. And I was excited to say the least if a little worried. He wondered back from dropping something off in the kitchen and leant on the living room doorframe in his blue suit pants, light blue button down his hair fixed as usual even if I had been messing with it tonight, he smiled at me but with a little yawn I almost awwed it was kinda cute like a sleepy little puppy "Oohh sorry. Don't know what's up with me" he says "It's alright if your tired tommy you've had a long few days" "You wanna head to bed?" "Sure" I nodded I got up going to take my class but he stopped me "I'll deal with this and I'll lock up you go on up" he says kissing my cheek I smiled handing him the glass and heading up the stairs all the way to his bedroom I could tell he had cleaned it and made the bed with all fresh sheets before I got here I kicked my shoes off putting them close to my little suitcase with my stuff I tried getting at the zip to my dress but I was struggling damn stupid back zip "need some help?" He asks as he too arrived in the bedroom "Ohh uhh yes please" I blushed I heard him step over, I felt the heat of his breath on my neck his hands rested on my waist and slipped up to the back of my dress and the to of my zip he gently pulled the zip down making sure to be slow and tender he stopped about half way down my back just an inch or so below my bra clasps I felt him move closer and press a kiss to my shoulder "... We don't. Have to do anything you don't want to. You know that right?" He asks I blushed s little and turned to face him wrapping my arms gently around his neck to give him a cuddle "I want to. You've waited long enough" "It doesn't matter how long I've waited. If you don't want to we won't" he says giving my nose a kiss "okay kitten?" "I know but I want to" "Yeah? You… really want to?" "Very much. I've missed you" "Umm I've missed you too" he smirked almost moaning he was so excited pulling me as tight to him as possible kissing me rather hard I kissed back as fast as I could trying to keep at his speed his hands stroking the small of my back as we kissed he pulled back a moment getting some breath I smiled and took the opportunity to slip a hand down and begin undoing the buttons on his shirt he smirked looking down at my hand gently biting his lip he looks back up at me licking across his bottom lip before pulling the rest of the zip down "you uhh you look really nice tonight" he muttered almost like he'd forgotten about saying it "Thank you. You do too" I giggled "Can I?" He hinted tugging on my dress a little I nodded as I had now undone his shirt completely gently stroking on the smooth skin I had exposed. He pulled my dress off me gently making sure not to hurt me or damage my dress till it pooled at my ankles he looked me over "fuck." He gasped "you look amazing" he said almost unable to stop looking at me but within a second his hand moved to my neck and cheek "come here" he smirked pulling me close kissing my lips with so much passion and energy he pushed his shirt off throwing it to the floor with my dress and took both his hands away to work at his belt and pants our kisses quickly turned more passionate with tounge and heat in each kiss once he kicked his pants off his legs he held me close again I giggled a little pulling back and moving to kneel on the mattress maybe a millisecond after he joined me I sat up a little excited but nervous before I spoke "Did you need me to-" He interrupted before I even finished taking my hands in his intertwining our fingers "no thank you, I uhh I'm hard enough" he nods "Are you?" I giggled with a little bit of a smirk "Why don't you find out" he smirked pulling me gently back to a kiss I smirked into it moving a hand down to stroke across his boxers "fuck" he gasped as I stroked gently across his shaft thought the thin elastic fabric he didn't waste Time both hands slipping up to gently fondle my breasts "fuck you feel so good" he muttered between kisses before pulling back "you uhhh… I'll" he nodded I was a bit confused before he moved to his side of the bed going for his draw I then understood and gently kicked my panties off as he pushed his boxers off and got the condom sorted out "damn thing how is both ways wrong!" He complained "Theses only two options Thomas' "Yeah and apparently both are wrong" "Blowing on it helps" "Does it?... Ohh yeah a little bit I think it's that way." He muttered "ha! Got it how did you know something I didn't?" "How so?' "I imagine I've been putting on condoms a lot longer then you have?' "Ehh maybe, but teenage boys where always useless at it honestly I felt better doing it anyway atleast I knew it was right" "That's fair. I wonder if I was useless like that as a teenage boy?" "Maybe" 'i don't know. I don't think I was. Then again we used way more because my at that time girlfriend she had a thing with using the flavoured ones. Said she didn't like how my dick tasted" I giggled a little and gave his vock a gentle kiss "I think it's fine" I smiled "Umm well your welcome to give it a kiss anytime you want my little kitten" he cooed "Sorted?" "Yep. Sorted. So uhhh" he blushed a little "missionary? Cowgirl?... Doogy? It's up you kitten" "Missionary." I nodded "Umm okay." He smirked I laid down excitedly and he happily climbed ontop of me "you want me to stop, or slow or anything you just tell me okay?" "I will" "Promise?' 'I promise" "Okay" he smirked leaning down to kiss me I happily kissed him back gently opening my legs out he happily got snug between my legs wrapping them softly around his hips it seems odd to day but I barely felt him push inside he was so slow and gentle and the moment he got one little inch the rest just sort of slipped on in until he was hilt deep inside me, he waited a moment softly stroking my hips and stomach "fuck…. Uummmm kitty. Y/n christ you feel so fucking good" he moans pulling almost completely out and then diving hilt deep again I tightened my grip on him a little and he got faster barely stopping now between thrusts, I gently moaned everytime he pushed in as he seemed to rub so nicely on my inside every time so much I could feel his close it was making me his movements only winding me up more, his moans didn't stop either lost in his own little world. "Thomas…" "Yeah y/n?" "Faster" "Yeah? Faster? No problem kitten." He smirked getting much faster being a little mercilous on me kissing down my neck but I think part of what was to stop his moans I knew how close I was dancing at the edge of pleasure feeling it bubble every time he barely moved I tightened my legs around him often scratching his back a little between our kisses and moans I could hear his harsh breaths and the sound of the bed hitting the wall oven and over the slight squeak of bedsprings under us until I hit it grabbing him hard and trying not to scream but I'm not sure I did to well "Uuuuhhh! Uuhh ahhhhh!" I squealed feeling the waves of pleasure overwhelm me Only a few more and I felt him suddenly stop deep inside me "uughhh! Uuuuhhhhh!" He groaned rather loudly his eyes rolling back a moment before he pulled out and collapsed down next to me on the bed both of us getting our breath back after all that a little sweaty and overwhelmed "did I do okay?" "Spectacular" I giggled patting his stomach as my arm was all I was able to really move and it's the first place I reached on him "how did I do?" 'brilliantly y/n." He smiled holding my hand "ow. Oww. Ahh!" He complained "You okay?' "Yeah it was on a little tight that's all." He says tieing the condom up and throwing it in his bin "I am going for a ciggertte, you want anything?' "Could I have a glass of water?" "Of course. Back in a minute kitty' he smiled giving my lips a kiss before he climbed out of bed pulling his boxers back on and wiping his hair a little as he went off into the house I got up and slipped my bra off getting my panties back on and slipping on my cute little nightie before sitting back in bed, he returned handing me a glass of water "Thank you" I smiled taking it and having a little sip "Your welcome" he says before going to his window opening it and sitting on the windowsill rolling himself a ciggertte "Why don't you go out like normal?" I asked "Because I wanna be in here with you" he says "do you want me to go out with it?" "No it's okay" I smiled "You look cute in my bed" he says lighting his ciggertte up "I've been in your bed before?" "Yeah. Just… you look cute." "Perhaps it's a post orgasum glow" I giggled putting my water back "Might be" he chuckled "you did actually… right?" "Why?" He just shurgs "I like checking. Have a habit of… not always making girls cum' "We are complicated thing" "I know. This things a child's little four button wheel toy. That is a fucking enterprise control panel" he explained making me laugh "I like asking. I know I don't always do it and especially… the first time we ever, did it." "I did thomas. And I enjoyed it very much' I smiled blowing him a kiss he smiled and blew me s kiss too "... Sorry. Guess I kinda get a bit paranoid. My uhh my ex girlfriend used to fake it. When she wanted it to be over. Guess I kinda get a little worried" "Ohh I can't fake it I'm a terrible actress.' I laughed making him chuckle too "if I ever don't you shall be informed" "Okay. You do look amazing though" "Thank you I did my best" I giggled "it was a little hard with the bra there kinda bigger today then usual" "They look great" "Thank you Thomas. You look lovely too" I smiled as he finished his cigarette and came to bed "Thanks, I did my best tried to be colour coordinated had a fight with my hair to try and get it to do..m something that isn't this?" "Did you loose?" "I did loose" "Well" I smiled giving him a kiss "you fought bravely" "Your too sweet to me kitten" he cooed "you ready to get some sleep?' "Yeah, let's get some sleep" I smiled he turned the light off and we slowly got cosy "Goodnight y/n" "Goodnight Thomas" I smiled.

[leejungchans]

— juliet on kingdom (episode 6).

juliet’s masterlist

from may 6’s episode

note: read the tweets from the bottom up 💕 keep in mind that this contains spoilers in case you want to watch the episode first :3 more under the cut bc i also went a tiny bit overboard with this 💀

— juliet’s outfit;

disclaimer: the blurring of faces in my outfit collages is in no way meant as a form of disrespect, the sole purpose is to put the focus on the hairstyle and there is absolutely no ill intent. thank you for understanding!!

when they were deciding on the groups for round 3, juliet was so happy they ended up choosing stray kids and btob

right after announcing that decision she immediately went to felix and gave him a big hug :((

but we came here to talk about the sports day 🤩

let’s make one (1) thing clear: juliet is here to make friends 😇

B U T she is also an ateez member, aka she is very competitive 💀

this is the same person who refused to sleep when playing the mafia game which was partly the reason for why it got banned from their dorms

probably texted felix the night before like “ily bestie but if we ever have to go head-to-head tmr ur going D O W N”

she said 🔥👄🔥

someone collect her please

ngl she was kinda jealous of skz’s pink outfits bc they looked so cute in them :(((

strawberry kids pls 🥺🥺🥺🥺

but her outfit was also adorable like what :((((

THE BUCKET HAT 🥺

this was also the tiniest she’s looked on kingdom since she always wore boots with some form of platforms for the performances :c

ateez and stray kids’ tables were next to each other so she finally had the opportunity to interact more with the others and not just chanlix!! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

pretty much became besties with jisung, changbin and jeongin after that day and also became friends with peniel 🤩🤩

there were still a lot of lixliet moments!!!! even in the background you could see them just chilling and having fun 🥰🥰

also bonded with changmin (from tbz, not the mc ahshjws😭) over liking horror movies and stuff

“you have a chUCKY DOLL??? CAN I SEE IT????? DO YOU HAVE A PHOTO??????? 🤩”

not them cooing over photos of his chucky doll like it’s a baby/pet photo 💀

ateez and the boyz: 👁👄👁 should we be afraid orrr...?

hongjoong, in the distance: you can admire it but don’t you dare bring one home

okay the vaulting competition ✨

while watching sf9 go she was like “:ccc but i’m already shorter than the first level (1.7m)” 💀

she got really shy when changmin read that she has 10 years of ballet experience uwu

changmin, jokingly: oh~ she’s shorter than the box already

juliet: ☹️☹️🥺🥺

changmin: whdjgjwhd sorry sorry sorry 😭

eunkwang: hey!!!! don’t make the baby sad!!!!!!!

she killed it!! mostly bc of her flexibility as she could lift her legs high enough to not touch the box!!

she made it past 2.2m so that’s pretty cool 🤩

eunkwang: maybe it has to do with being born in australia and being around kangaroos

gave the cameras a 🥰✌️🕺🏻😚 after every successful jump

everyone else being her biggest hypemen 😌 the privilege smh

okay but one time as she was running up to the box her hat flew off and she went “nooooo” in tiny and ran back to get it

literally everyone on set went 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 uwu

even the judge/referee laughed 😭

you know how people are like “hold my xxx”

that was juliet but with her bucket hat 💀💀

for her last attempt at 2.3m she uhhh... kinda body-slammed right into the box and knocked it over so they both fell onto the mat 🤕🤕

cue yunho, wooyoung, chan and minhyuk who immediately rushed up to her to see if she was okay :(

the others were like “is she okay???? :c”

ngl it hurt quite a bit but she was also very giggly bc she didn’t expect herself to make it that far

but after the adrenaline wore off she definitely felt the pain :(

so they had to vote for the visual king right

mnet was like ok juliet u can vote for the visual king but they can’t vote for u bc we don’t wanna start anything so u can be the visual queen and win by default 😄

“should i be insulted that they made me win by default 😅😅😅”

yes juliet actually said that on camera and they left it in 💀💀

she still took the selfie and mnet put hers up on the board with everyone else’s but with a little crown over hers that said ‘visual queen’ 💀💀💀💀💀

she was pretty embarrassed by that ngl but sigh what else can she do 😔

hyunjae, pointing to the tiny crown over juliet’s selfie: ohhhhhh does this mean we can’t vote for juliet?

eric: if we could she’d probably win by a landslide

sir we caught u in 4k 👁👁

when seonghwa said he thought felix was cute and wanted to adopt him as a little brother though 🥺

juliet went (◕‿◕) and immediately dragged him over to felix like “OI MATE HERE’S YOUR NEW FRIEND SEONGHWA”

Little Miss Indecisive makes a reappearance bc whO SHOULD SHE VOTE FOR?????

“can i vote for someone not on the show?”

she didn’t actually say that don’t worry

she ended up voting for minhyuk!!!

mostly bc she genuinely thought he was really cool but also bc they were far apart enough in age that people would be less likely to spread rumours

it do be like that sometimes :/

“minhyuk-sunbaenim was very charismatic in their performance from last round, and he was so cool just now during the vaulting competition so i’m going to vote for him!”

she did write a tiny disclaimer on her paper slip that said “everyone is handsome!! <3” though 🥺

WHEN FELIX PLACED 2ND IN THE VISUAL KING THINGY

biggest hypewoman

“YEAHHH FELIX THAT’S MY CUTE BESTIE RIGHT THERE EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT HIM!!! FELIX VISUAL KING!!!!! SO TRUE BESTIE!!!!!!!!!”

hwjdbwjjs before they announced minhyuk as first the mcs asked juliet who she voted for and she was so shy when she said she voted for him 😭😭😭

she didn’t take part in the balloon snake tag game and the relay bc she was pretty exhausted from the vaulting (and also bc the boys told her not to bc they could tell she was still slightly in pain after she slammed into the box 🥺)

so instead she became everyone’s designated cheerleader :3

when wooyoung came first in the relay she was so proud!!!!

right after he crossed the finishing line she ran up to him and tackled him in a big hug :ccc

then she went up to eunkwang and asked if he was okay bc he fell during the relay :((((

in conclusion she had so much fun that day and was happy to make even more frens 🥰

— fan reactions;

a/n: this episode was so fun 😭 pls the vaulting game was so funny to watch ahdjjwjs but they all did so well???? i wouldn’t even make it past the first level so idk how minhyuk and chan both managed to go over 2.3m 😭 tbz were also so good at it though???? pls the way juyeon and changmin made it look so easy 👁👄👁 also eric was out for blood in the balloon snake tag game ahjshwjsb we stan 🤩 let me know what you think!! your support really means a lot to me and is what keeps me motivated so thank you all sm 💕💕

[alfredolover119]

zukka fic rec list (post-canon)

howdy! i’ve been collecting zukka fics i like since uhhh june and now i am sharing my lists with the world. i’m splitting it into three posts so it hopefully wont be too long. this is the second one: post-canon fics! the other two will be canon era and modern au. [side note!! if youd like a specific type of rec list,, i.e. soulmate au, fake dating, ambassador sokka,, hmu and i’ll post a list !!]

within this post, the fics are in word count order! also, if you’d like a soundtrack for your reading, i might recommend my zukka playlist :^) happy reading!

speak ill by @moonsongdotmp3

-4111 words, teen

-developing/established relationship, ozai hate <3

"I hate your dad so much,” Sokka considers for a second. He tries to mix it up as often as he can when they play this game. “That I have considered starting an official petition begging Aang to reconsider his commitment to nonviolence.” // It’s quiet for a beat. He’s afraid he’s miscalculated, but Zuko laughs, broken and sincere. // (Or: 5, 8, 15 years after the war, Sokka talks shit about Ozai.)

Friends Don’t Let Friends Fake Date Each Other by @d-naggeluide

-5349 words, general

-fake dating, coming out, kinda crackfic

Toph demands that Zuko fake date her. This goes just about as well as can be expected. Sokka steps in to show them how it's done, and this goes a bit better than expected.

Oh, How We Find Our Way by @donvex

-6043 words, teen

-bed sharing, hurt/comfort, domestic fluff

In which Zuko doesn’t sleep nearly enough once he takes up the throne, and Sokka isn’t having it. And maybe they get to fall in love on the way, as a treat.

(let me be) there for you by @bisexuallsokka

-8471 words, teen

-friends/idiots to lovers, mutual pining, getting together

Sokka pulls out a clean piece of parchment and starts to write: Reasons Why Sokka Would Be A Great Bodyguard for Lord Zuko // He smiles in satisfaction at the title. Seeing it in writing only makes him feel more confident in this brilliant, two-minute-old idea of his. Zuko is one of his closest friends, and Sokka is a great fighter, he would be the perfect bodyguard! He has the entirety of his trip in the Fire Nation to prove it to Zuko. This is going to be a piece of cake.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas​

-8921 words, explicit

-royalty/moon spirit!sokka, childhood friends to lovers, no war au, mutual pining, fluff and angst

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9713 words, teen

-trans sokka, family angst

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

Will You Fake Date Me (But This Time For Real)? by AlyssiaInWonderland

-10520 words, not rated (teen, i think)

-fake dating, mutual pining, idiots to lovers

Zuko is determined to convince his Uncle that he is not, in fact, pining after Sokka. // Sokka is desperate to convince Katara and Aang that he is not, in fact, pining after Suki. // When Sokka's scheme to avoid pity means Zuko and him must fake date for an entire diplomatic event, shenanigans, realisations and confessions ensue.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey​

-10540 words, mature

-ambassador!sokka, friends to fwb to lovers, angst with a happy ending, miscommunication

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

Operation: Get the Fire Lord a Boyfriend by @rejectscanon 

-10679 words, teen

-established relationship, attempted matchmaking, fluff, hurt/comfort, 5+1

5 times the people of the Fire Nation tried to get Zuko and Sokka together, and 1 time they realized they already were.

a study in matchmaking by @verdanthoney​

-12218 words, general

-friends to lovers, mutual pining, idiots in love, bg bakoda and kataang

Zuko and Sokka try to play matchmaker, but things don’t go exactly as planned.

Always read Your Peace Treaties Carefully by preciousbunnynoiz

-14039 words, teen

-arranged marriage, miscommunication, found family, fluff, non-linear narrative, angst with a happy ending

Zuko and Sokka have been engaged to be married since the peace talks. Only they were the only ones who didn't know. // Everyone else thought they not only knew but that they had already been dating the entire time. // This is also news to Zuko and Sokka who have definitely NOT been dating but maybe they aren't as uninterested as they are protesting.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee​

-18767 words, teen, major character death (NOT ZUKO OR SOKKA OR ANY OF THE GAANG)

-found family, slowburn, fluff and angst, hurt/comfort, mutual pining

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

All the Little Things by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-23575 words, general

-fake dating, friends to lovers, mutual pining, bed sharing, fluff, miscommunication

Sokka receives an offer of an arranged marriage from the Northern Water Tribe. On the one hand, accepting would strengthen ties between their tribes. On the other hand, Chief Arnook has suggested Hahn as a potential match, and Hahn sucks. But with the future of the Southern Water Tribe Reconstruction project relying heavily on the good will of the North, Sokka doesn’t know how to say no. // (Katara doesn’t have to deal with this. Katara is dating the Avatar.) // Zuko has a solution. Sokka just wishes he’d realized he was in love with the Fire Lord before he agreed to pretend to date him.

isn’t this the vision that you wanted by @goldrushzukka​

-34633 words, teen

-pining, matchmaking, coming out, friends to lovers, bed sharing, internalized homophobia

Firelord Zuko - ender of the Hundred Year War, ruler of the Fire Nation, payer of respects and reparations - takes advice and counsel from representatives of every nation, division, and specialty. // But teenage boy Zuko - friend of turtleducks, wielder of fun looking swords, stumbler over words and feet in the presence of cute boys - only listens to two people, and they are conspiring together to ruin him.

(do you take this jerk to be) your one and only by @jatersade​

-55855 words, teen

-enemies to friends to lovers, (not actually) unrequited love, slowburn, sharing a bed, alternate universe, arranged marriage, huddling for warmth, fluff

Under the leadership of Fire Lord Iroh, the Fire Nation has made every attempt to restore peace and make amends for the harm they inflicted during the Seventy-Year War. Their newest proposal is a literal proposal: a marriage to unite the Fire Nation and the Water Tribes. // The Fire Nation offers Prince Zuko’s hand. // The Water Tribes offer Princess Yue’s. // Sokka is apparently the only person in the world who has a problem with any of this.

Wooing the Water Tribe by @dameferre​

-56839 words, teen

-didn’t know they were dating, i mean IDIOT idiots to lovers, ambassador!sokka, mutual pining, himbos istg

Zuko is courting Katara, and with every passing day finds new and insane ways of showing that he would quite literally move the spirit world and earth to make her happy. // In hindsight, it probably would've been better if Sokka had realised he was in love with Zuko at literally any time before this. Or preferably, never fallen for his best friend in the first place.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning​

-83901 words, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka, ambassador zuko kinda, hurt/comfort, slowburn, pining, canon divergence, miscommunication, sickfic, huddling for warmth, angst with a happy ending, enemies to lovers, underage drinking

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

[smellyfootboy]

SMELLY ENCOUNTERS WITH ETHAN PT. 4: A Grand Finale.

It had been about 4 days after I started staying with Ethan at his house while my floors were getting done in my own house. Each night, Ethan has used my mouth as his own personal masturbation toy at least twice a day. Which I certainly did not mind, but I think I’ve eaten more of his cum than I have real food. We did not sleep together in the same bed… He would make me sleep on the couch. Honestly I kind of loved this friendship the way we had it going. What shocked me though, is that he hasn’t made me smell his feet or do anything foot related for a few days. Just yesterday I checked his laundry bin and couldn’t see any used socks, which brought me to the conclusion that after the last time he did laundry, and must have been wearing the same socks since… and he was probably waiting for the perfect stink to “torture” me with… and he had to be on at least day 4 or 5 by now. The dirtiest I’ve ever smelled his socks was my very first foot encounter with him. He had worn them for 4 days back then and basically made me put them in my mouth. That was about 7 months ago.

Ethan came into the living room while I was playing on my phone sitting on his couch.

“Hey man- I’m going to have a couple of the guys come over tonight for some beer pong. You down?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah, sounds good to me… anyone I know?” I asked.

“Joe from my college that you met before and my brother, Riley.” Ethan said. Joe was a quiet, skinnier guy, but really cute, and Riley I had not met.

Later that night, after Ethan came back with beer and snacks, I helped him put up the pong table, which we placed next to his dining room table. We set up all the snacks and cups.

Joe was the first to show up. He wore a white button up shirt, jeans, and white adidas shoes. We talked for a little while before Riley showed up. I was shocked to see how much he looked like Ethan. He wasn’t as built, but they definitely could almost be twins. Riley was wearing a black t shirt, black shorts, black crew socks, and a very similar pair of converse as Ethan was wearing. He looked about the same age as Ethan as well. Maybe a little younger, mid 20’s possibly.

We made some drinks, talked about our jobs, and got a little buzz before we started on the pong. Ethan and Riley were on one side and me and Joe were on the other. I was pretty terrible at beer pong so I hoped Joe was a little better than me.

We started the game.

“Hold up… we should make this more interesting. Make some bets and shit.” Riley said. Oh God, here we go, I thought.

“What like money? I don’t have any cash on me.” Joe said. I saw Ethan’s eyes light up. I knew what was coming.

“Losing team has to sniff the winning team’s feet for 2 minutes.” Ethan said proudly.

Joe made a grossed out face. Riley kind of laughed.

“Bitch- I grew up with you, I know how rank your feet are… do you still wear the same socks for multiple days.” Riley asked.

“Depends…. I think these bad boys are on day 4.” Ethan said. I wasn’t going to bring up that I’m pretty sure they were day 5.

“Dude, I’ll throw up.” Joe said.

“Then… don’t lose…” Ethan laughed.

“Whatever… man- I went running today so I might be pretty ripe myself.” Riley said. We all continued to play. I may have purposely missed the cup a few times and Joe was not very good. So things we looking pretty grim for us.

“My feet feel really hot and sweaty, how about you bro?” Riley said to Ethan jokingly as Joe missed another shot.

“Fuck man, I can smell both of our feet through the shoes.” Ethan said back.

“Oh God…” Joe said.

We only had one cup left. Riley was taking the shot.

“You think I’ll make it?” Riley asked

“No way…” I said

“If he makes it, yall gotta add some tongue to our feet…” Ethan added.

“And if he doesn’t, we skip all the foot crap.” Joe said nervously.

“Deal.” Riley said.

It seemed like time went in slow motion for that shot. And sure enough… he made it in the cup.

Riley and Ethan high fived each other. Me and Joe looked at each other and he kind of shook his head.

Ethan walked over to the dining room table and kicked his feet up.

“Joey, get over here and take my shoes off.” Ethan said. Joe sighed and walked over and sat across from Ethan.

“Just two minutes right? Someone time it please.” Joe said sadly.

Riley nodded and we both just watched what was unfolding. I’m sure it was my turn next.

Joe pulled off Ethan’s shoes one by one. The smell hit the air so fast. Ethan was wearing black socks with white heel and toe. I actually felt bad for Joe… He had no tolerance to Ethan’s feet.

“Oh man… it’s so bad.” Joe said as his eyes began to water. Riley was laughing pretty hard.

“Come on, nose in the foot.” Ethan said.

“Dude why… I could smell this even if I was standing across the house!” Joe said.

“Joe don’t be a bitch!” Riley yelled to him. Joe shook his head again before burying his face in Ethan’s socked foot.

Ethan used his toes to pull off his sock on one foot, and then the other.

“Tongue…” Ethan said as he wiggled his pudgy toes. Joe hesitantly stuck his tongue out. Ethan slid his toes across Joe’s tongue. Joe gagged.

“How’s that taste Joe!” Ethan yelled.

“Ok… that’s enough.” Joe said as he stood up.

“Yeah that’s good… you were sniffing for about 4 minutes.” Riley laughed.

“Are you fucking kidding me man.” Joe said. He ran to the bathroom and we could hear him spitting and rinsing his mouth out.

“Alright buddy- your turn” Riley said as a looked to me. He went and sat in the corner and pulled off his converse. I followed him over there.

“Lay on your stomach.” Riley said. I did what he asked trying not to come off so willing. His black socks were kind of shiny and almost looked greasy. He stuck his feet side by side on my nose. His stink was definitely not as strong as Ethan’s where it would fill the room, but I could 100% tell he went running that day, his odor was almost cheesier than Ethan’s. He kind of cupped them around my nose. I was getting an erection, taking in Riley’s stink, I’m glad I was laying on my stomach so no one could tell. Ethan was watching from across the room, smiling. Riley took his sock off.

“This is what happens to bitches that lose. How’s that fuckin smell man?” Riley said, only turning me on even more.

“It smells like a greasy cheese…” I said muffled by his foot.

“Cheese? Good, maybe you’d like a taste then… tongue out.” Riley demanded. I slid my tongue across the bottom of his toes. They taste just like they smelled.

“How’s my foot taste? Ethan I think he likes this…” Riley said laughing. Ethan walked over and placed his rank foot on top of my head, pressing my nose and mouth even harder into Rileys foot.

“He’s just used to it, I make him worship my feet sometimes.” Ethan said. Riley laughed. I was slightly embarrassed but I felt almost hypnotized at the scent of Riley and Ethan’s feet mixed together.

A few more moments passed and Riley stood up and Ethan took his foot off my head. Joe finally came back in the room.

“Alright guys, I gotta work early… Thanks for a gross night.” Joe said, still looking a bit ill from licking Ethan’s foot.

We said goodbye and Joe left. Shortly after Riley took off as well. It was just me and Ethan on the couch.

“What a night…” I said. I could still smell Ethan and Riley’s foot stink on my face.

“Yeah it was…” Ethan said. He reached his hand down and started feeling his bulge in his pants.

“Hey, take your pants off. I wanna try something.” Ethan said. I stood up and took my shoes off and my pants.

“Now face the other direction.” Ethan said. I turned around. I could feel Ethan start to touch my butt. We had never done any butt stuff before, so this was new. He pulled my underwear down and put his finger in his mouth. Then into my shaved hole. It hurt a little at first and I was a little tense. It slowly started to feel very nice. He then switched to two fingers and I moaned.

“Fuck boy, you are so tight.” Ethan said as he thrust his fingers in and out.

Suddenly to both of our surprises, Riley popped out of the corner.

“Guys, I don’t think I can drive yet… that beer…” Riley started before he noticed what was going on. He kind of stood there in awe for a few moments. Ethan and I didn’t say anything. We just looked at him, his fingers half way up my hole.

“Uhhh. Some kind of bet I didn’t know about?” Riley said, confused. I noticed he was starting to get hard as the crotch of his shorts started to rise.

“Just a condition of him staying with me… I get to use him as my cum rag…” Ethan said with confidence.

“Huh…” Riley said, still taking in what he was seeing. Riley started to inch closer and ended up sitting next to Ethan. I was shocked to feel that Ethan continued to finger me. I could see Riley out of the corner of my eye on the couch. He had pulled out his cock and was stroking it while watching Ethan finger me!

“I aint gay. But hey, a hole is a hole right? And this boys got a whole other one not in use.” Riley said. He stood up and came around to me. He pulled my head down so his dick was right in my face. He was cut unlike Ethan. He was a bit hairier too.

“Lick my balls.” He said. What was it with this family and always wanted their balls licked first? Not that I minded. I started licking his smelly musty hairy balls. The texture of the hair on his nuts was something I wasn’t used to but I totally got into it. I could feel Ethan push me forward a little and bend me down a bit more. I heard him spit into his hand. It was finally happening. I felt Ethan’s cock start to go into me. It was easier since he used his fingers first. After he got the head in, I felt him slam the rest in behind it. I moaned in pleasure. He felt so good. Meanwhile, I started sucking Riley.

“Yeah suck my fat sweaty fucking dick, bitch.” Riley said, incredibly drunk. He was a lot bigger and thicker than Ethan in that department. Every time Riley tried to push in down my throat I would choke. I could see Riley and Ethan fistbump each other as they destroyed me. Ethan was banging me so hard that I could feel his huge nuts slapping my ass.

“Yeah boy, take my cock.” Ethan demanded. Riley grabbed my head and shoved his cock down my throat all the way to his nuts. My eyes watered .

“I’m gonna paint your fucking face…” Riley said. He abruptly pulled his dick out and jerked it aggressively and blew his load all over my face. I could feel it all dripping down my lips and chin.

"Fuck bitch. You like my hot nut dripping off your face don't ya" he said as he reached down and used his thumb to move a big blob of his cum into my mouth. I cleaned his thumb off. Riley backed up a little bit. Ethan suddenly pushed me down to the ground face first and planted his stinky foot on my face so that his toes were right over my nose. Im not sure how he had it readily available but he shoved one of his disgusting black and white socks from earlier into my mouth. Riley took his shoe and sock off and put his foot on my head next to Ethans. Ethan was still inside of me and banging me while they had me pinned with their feet. He started to go harder and harder. My hole was so sore. But it felt so good.

“Fuck boy… You like that dick wrecking your tight fuckin pussy.” Ethan said as he just kept going harder and faster.

“You gonna take my load while you taste that nasty sock and smell our feet? ” Ethan said.

“Fuck yeah…” I said.

“He loves the cock, taking both our loads…” Riley said.

I suddenly felt Ethan empty himself inside of me. He was out of breath and covered in sweat. He took his foot, now covered with his brothers cum from my face, off my head.

“Now clean my foot off.” Ethan said. I began to lick the cum off his foot, making sure to get it all.

“Damn Ethan, I need a house slut like that.” Riley laughed.

As Ethan’s hot load leaked out of my hole, and I continued cleaning his brothers cum off of his stinky foot, I couldn’t think of anything else I would rather do.

“Yeah… I think he should move in permanently.” Ethan said.

[frienderbender]

hey frienderbender is it ok to ask for some lore/information on your magpickles 🥺 I’m very invested in those goods ( off the topic but can I just say I am in LOVE with the way you draw Skwisgaar my heart is just fluttering to fast when I see him 🥺💞 Anyways muah you’re wonderful artist thank you have a lovely day/evening )

oh sure! first off thank you so much for the sweet message! that made my night :'] i love drawing skwisgaar and im glad you like how he looks in my style haha

anyways im assuming youre talking about my general lore for them in the canon timeline, so ill talk about that under the cut

i think they first met some time in the late 80s while pickles was still with snb. they met after a show specifically. magnus introduced himself as a fan, and that was true! but (quick tangent for some general mag thoughts) it brings up something that ive always thought about when i look at mag. magnus definitely gives off the vibe of being the guy who was always just Around in the music scene, especially in the rock and metal scene of this era. like, hes a mysterious dude but he has connections. he will play with random bands sometimes. he knows so many fucking people in this industry (not saying hes friends with all of them though); what im trying to say is. Everyone Has A Magnus Hammersmith Story. hes the type of guy that gets talked about in podcasts decades down the line. ok all that to say he was able to get backstage because he just Knows People. and he introduces himself as a fan blah blah pickles and magnus drink and do some drugs and honestly i wouldnt be surprised if they at the very least made out with each other the first night they met.

so pickles is like, pretty into him right off the bat. magnus was too, but i think on his end INITIALLY he was more just interested in hooking up but they exchange info and keep in touch and all that. so. this is RIGHT before snb implodes. and theyre still meeting up fairly regularly and becoming closer and doing a lot of drugs and drinking a bunch. typical rockstar stuff.

but pickles had been on a steady downward spiral at this point (he was already like this before he met magnus), and in one night snb is no more. having burned all those bridges in his band (for now), pickles turns to his only friend left: magnus. and i think its at this point, when pickles comes to him, wrecked by the dissolution of his band, that magnus kinda starts to realize he might actually feel something for him too? seeing him like this, seeing pickles from fucking snakes n barrels, so raw and real and not at all like the fiery redhead he met that night after their show...it just feels different somehow. like yeah he was attracted to pickles from snakes n barrels, but he realized he had grown to care about pickles from tomahawk wisconsin. he liked that one better, there was no bullshit. no hiding beneath layers of glam makeup and hairspray.

so its the two of them against the world. its the early 90s at this point. on a whim, pickles decides they should leave LA and just drive. wherever. just away from the city because LA fucking sucks. he takes all his money and he and magnus get in his car and just start driving. they end up in florida eventually, because its the other side of the country. or something. they get an apartment, and for a couple of months they live together and its. kinda nice. its different, for sure. but not bad. magnus and pickles both always kinda skirted around the topic of their relationship. they never called the other their boyfriend. but i feel strongly that they did tell each other that they loved the other, once. and they meant it.

so heres where things get tricky for me. how did dethklok form? what was the order? who met who first? i dont know!! i wish i knew! its something i have a million scenarios for and i wish we got a canon order of the members joining at the very least so i can model my headcanons around it haha

with that in mind though, i do think magnus and pickles were a bit of a package deal. like, whoever joined first was able to get the other in. so. yeah. they joined dethklok some time in the early to mid 90s now.

they have a pretty decent few years. theyre still.......something....even in their new band. like they arent open about it and hook up when the other guys arent around and all that.

its around this time though that i think magnus is really starting to go through it. combination of feeling frustrated because of the bands status at this point, general untreated mental health, etc. anyways i think the stabbing incident occurred some time in the mid 90s, probably like '95 or '96 or something. so.....he gets kicked out. obviously. and those are the terms they end on for awhile.........

but uh. you see. pickles never completely cut ties with the dude because. well. what do you do when this happens to someone you care so deeply about. and i think probably a month or so later, magnus actually contacts him for the first time since the stabbing incident. and maybe i have a comic script and thumbnails about this encounter what about it. magnus tells him he wants to see him, so pickles slips out that night to meet up at an old bar they used to go to a lot. may or may not be the depths of humanity uhhh anyway. theyre talking for awhile but it just kinda devolves into honestly more one-sided arguing on pickles end. hes frustrated and sad and confused because fuck! magnus! why would you do that? why, when the bands just starting to take off? it becomes this whole like. you arent the same guy i knew. and in that moment it quietly hits them both that like. we arent who we were, and we dont know what to do about that. magnus asks if pickles would want to join him and leave the band, and pickles tells him to go fuck himself. and thats the last thing he ever said to him.

and thats where the magpickles lore/relationship timeline ends. i realize it really did kinda turn into a timeline but also i did write a timeline during a slow day at work once like two months ago but. anyways. this is basically that.

but uh. yes. i love them. they make me sad but in a good way yknow. its like. its one of those situations where i feel like under different circumstances, they probably couldve made it work in their own weird way. they have such a specific dynamic, whether in their background together in the canon timeline or just me fucking around with AUs and being like hmm what if i actually gave them a scenario where they could have the time to develop AS an actual couple. im rambling but i just love these two so much. this is so long.

i feel strongly they wouldnt get back together in any sort of canon capacity, but i do think they still have feelings for each other in that way you do when you remember people you loved in the past. old friendships that dissolved with no resolution. the person you still have things you want to tell them, even though you know you will never get the chance.

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

q3 2021 update & plot call !!

below the cut, you can find an update on ash’s current life, career (or rather absence of), and development for quarter three, as well as plot and thread ideas! if you see anything that you’d like to plot out or write with him, like this or message me, and we can get to it! i have a lot in mind about where ash is right now, so i might add more and expand later on!

mentions of ash’s continuing struggle with mental illness under the cut in case you don’t wanna read that rn

professionally

ash is on hiatus the whole quarter so... not much going on here.

uhh basically the first two days of july he was still trying to get bc to let him take a break so schedule threads could be set then if they cross paths at the bc building! he’s going to be participating in concert rehearsals for knight to a less intense extent since bc, as of the beginning of his hiatus, fully intends him to participate in the concerts. he’ll miss about the first half of the tour, but in july and august he’ll still be attending knight tour rehearsals some to keep up. schedule threads can also be done then!

(note that he’ll be missing the bc city concert as well — i don’t see him dropping by just to support either tbh, sorry bc ppl. white knight duo ver tho let’s gooooooooooo)

ash will eventually start writing music and finding his love of that again though and that’s pretty much the most work he can do during his hiatus, so it’d be cool to maybe have him write, compose, or produce for a few people that might be releasing later this year or sometime next year if anyone is interested? :) we can see if ash would work for it. there’s also opening for him to ask a few people he’s close to to sing some demos for him when he starts trying to write again!

personally + plot ideas!

explaining how he got to his hiatus would take me all day but he basically forced bc’s hand in letting him take time off (well, he wanted to leave knight and retire ngl but his manager was like... you know that’s not going to happen let’s try a hiatus <3). you can read my badly-written solos for part of it (i still need to write more) but generally, the most other muses might know is that they might have run into him acting kinda moody/down or impulsive/irresponsible lately, he made a very uncharacteristic post on social media that hinted at being unhappy with his life currently and losing passion/excitement for even the things he used to value most highly before his social media was deactivated by bc lmaaooo. the post would have probably conveyed Something was up it it wasn’t like genuinely super triggering-level content i promise !! bc released a statement shortly after stating he’d be going on hiatus without mentioning a definitive end date.

so there’s the possibility a muse might have checked up on him after that post / the hiatus news to see how he was doing?

tbh ash isn’t going to be seeking out meeting new people during his hiatus. he’s taking time to himself and is only going to make any effort to hang out with people he’s comfortable with. those he’s not close to, he’s going to have to interact with by running into unintentionally.

he’s getting a place in jeju in the early-ish part of his hiatus. he’ll be spending a lot of time there at first because he just wants to get away from seoul, so it’d be nice to set some threads there if your muse has the time to hop over to visit him if they have anything resembling a free day. (again a certain level of closeness would be necessary, but i think one good heart to heart conversation beforehand could bring someone closer to him enough for that rn! even over text tbh lmao). chuseok would be a really good time for this !! i imagine catching up over lowkey dinners or heart to hearts under the stars, that found family ash has actively fought having lol

(that place in jeju is also going to be where he starts to want to write music again too, so music based stuff there would be chill?)

heart to hearts in general anywhere would be really good for ash right now so please give me those! they can be in seoul too for sure.

he’ll be moving into a new apartment in seoul eventually, though that will probably be a little later in his hiatus? he had some bad fan/sasaeng run-ins right before his hiatus and having so much time off makes him realize he wants to move. someone can help him house hunt or if someone else is looking for a place, they can talk together about it. i want him to realize he wants to move into a smaller place that can feel more like home

once he does move, muses are free to come over and help him set up / be his one-man housewarming party. that’s a little down the line tho !! so we might not want to plot that as a thread to write right this instant

he may also be getting a pet ! muses can come look with him at a shelter or he can run into people there!

this would be a little later in his hiatus, but it’d be interesting if once he’s doing a little better, he gets the urge to dance and runs into a muse at the dance studio. idk that he’ll ever fall completely back in love with dancing, but he might rediscover some of what he did love about dancing and ash and this muse often run into each other as he visits that dance studio a little more often and they eventually bond over it / do some dancing together.

those who still really have that passion for making music ash has lost, talk to him about it <3 he misses it. he might cry but tbh he’s liable to cry in any thread

he’s cutting his hair short and dying it back to black this month, so it would be possible to run into him at the hair salon!

ash will want to be inside at home mostly at the beginning of his hiatus, but as it goes on, he’ll start to branch out and that will offer some more opportunities to hang out. he’ll try not to go to bars and clubs really, but small music venues or jazz lounges, small indie cinemas, galleries, those kind of things will be up his alley

idk that there’s much plotting to be had around this, but this long hiatus on top of the other hiatuses he’s had and his acting out before this hiatus is going to make some of the bc team realize it might not be super wise to keep pushing him hard as a cf model (and in the long run, just less of pushing him as a major idol star within the company in general tbh) so he’ll be able to get some more tattoos and piercings and will become more comfortable, hopefully, with presenting himself how he wants to be seen / having some development in that good ol’ lack of bodily autonomy aspect ash has always had going on. he’ll be coming out of hiatus living much more of his 2021 jk fc truth with the full sleeve and the eyebrow piercing .

uhhh ? pretty far down the line but i’ll mention it while it’s on my mind :) i think it’d be cool if ash did a collab (mini-)album (or two?) at some point after getting off hiatus. i’d want it to be someone he really clicks with creatively (though they don’t have to be a songwriter — i can see it working as collaborative songwriting or as ash feeling really inspired to write for them) and wants to work with since it’s not going to be something he’s letting bc push him into it at that point, and something that just happens organically. realistically, this would work with a female vocal best by far, maybe a male rapper just based on the songs ash does / i can see him doing. probably wouldn’t want to commit to anything fully rn unless it really clicks but i wanted to throw the idea out there :)

uhmmm?? ig i should also mention ash will be paying attention to his health both mental and physical he’s been neglecting for a while. there isn’t too much to say regarding plotting here because he needs to handle it himself with trying new therapy, medications, understanding there’s some stuff beyond “just” his depression going on. coming to accept nothing’s ever going to be perfect, but that self-awareness and effort can help more than denial can. not super plot potential-y but i’ll mention it since this is all the personal update section

basically, ash is taking time to recover mentally (and physically) and ultimately hopefully leave hiatus in a better place than he started where he can be more comfortable in his career, even if just a little bit, in himself, and in his life. if he can have some good, developing threads during the time, that’d be great!

[bonthebutchbait]

Hello simps, my tumblr was not working for a PHAT while so now i am BACK!! I have part 2 of that Funtime Freddy X Reader. Ill include a link to the wattpad version below and a AO3 link coming soon.

So without further ado, here is chapter two, 'My Favorite~'

Y/n woke up the next morning to the blaring of her alarm clock. It was a rainy Saturday morning, her favorite kind of weather. She decided to take a walk, but then stopped at the sound of music. She followed it to her roommate's room.

"Tanisha? What's up, girlie?" Y/n said, peeking her head in. "I heard 'Call Out My Name' by The Weeknd and I assumed that wasn't a good sign. What’s up?"

Tanisha didn't respond. Y/n walked in and sat on her bed next to her. She looked at her outfit. She wore her fluffy black robe with a matching bonnet on her head. Her glasses were on her forehead and she had a frown on her face.

"'Nish, 'Nish?" Y/n said, poking her face. Tanisha started to smile. "Nisha, come on goofy, tell me what’s going on?"

Tanisha started to laugh and swatted her hand away. "Dang it, Y/n! Ugh, I got fired from my job. So now I don't know what to do, money-wise."

Y/n looked at her, sympathetically. "Oh no! Dude, I’m so sorry. What happened?"

Tanisha shook her head. "I don't even know. It came out of nowhere. They said I was underqualified even with my years of dedication into my field. They gave my job to the owner's son, WHO DOESN'T EVEN LIKE WHAT HIS FATHER DOES! Ugh."

Y/n sat in silence for a bit. Then her face lit up.

"You could work with me!" Y/n exclaimed. Tanisha looked at her like she was crazy.

"There is no way in God's green earth I'm cleaning up after some dirty kids. I don't even know where they have been. Girl bye." She said.

"You wouldn't be doing that. You could be my assistant! You would just be in the office taking calls, meeting with adults, making decisions, just stuff that I would be doing too! Kinda like my right-hand man."

"I don't know…You know what, why not? It beats sucking up to rude old people just to keep your job. Barely."

"That's the spirit, now go start on breakfast. I’ll be in the shower, then we'll switch. Oh and wear something business casual, ok? Ok, great, thanks!" Y/n said, running out the room and into the shower. Tanisha didn't even get a word in, so she trudged her way into the kitchen.

"Man, nothing gets the day started better than bacon and hashbrowns. Oh, would you look at the time! We gotta go!" Y/n said, getting up and putting her drink in a to-go cup. Tanisha nodded and finished her bite and got up from the table. She grabbed a big purse and threw on some sunglasses. Y/n looked at her outfit. Tanisha had on a black long-sleeved button-up shirt paired tucked into a pair of black bootcut slacks and simple black heels. Her hair was pulled into a low bun and her baby hairs were laid down. All paired with gold hoops, a black and gold belt, and clear lipgloss.

"You look hot. Are you ready?" Y/n said, turning for the door.

"Well hold up now. Lemme see you, bestie!" Tanisha said. Y/n laughed and turned around. She had on a black, mid-thigh length cable knit dress paired with a silver statement necklace and black ankle heeled boots. She wore her hair in [whatever style you would wear it in] with her favorite hair clip. It was a pink pig with a blue butterfly on its nose.

"Oooh! You cute, now let’s go!" Tanisha said. They both walked out of their house and into Y/n's car.

Y/n pulled into the Circus Baby's Pizza World parking lot. Both girls hopped out and started into the building.

"Now, for your first duty, you will be following me around and making a checklist. These are things I need to upgrade and change around here. So you can start with Repaint the outside sign. Just look at it." Y/n said, unlocking to door. "Also, Install Ring door system. Just so I can monitor the pizzeria inside and out when I'm away."

Tanisha pulled out her phone and jotted both things down. Both girls headed to the office. They set their bags on the desk and Tanisha kicked her heels off. Y/n walked out and started down towards the kitchen with Tanisha following close behind.

"Hmm." Y/n said, looking around. "It looks clean in here, so that’s good."

She opened the refrigerator and looked around. She observed the balls of pizza dough wrapped up and containers of various pizza toppings.

"Put down Add salad bar and Add 'make your own pizza station'. I think that would be nice. Also, put down, Have day shift clean ovens and microwaves every 2 days, after each big party. That may change later. Now, I have to test each animatronic for their showtime audios and what not. While I'm doing that, you can look in each room and write down anything you think needs to be tweaked, upgraded, or added in. Okay?" Y/n said as she walked out and towards Funtime Auditorium. Tanisha nodded and walked into the Circus Gallery. Y/n flicked on the light and walked to the control panel next to Funtime Freddy's stage. She took out a pen and a mini notebook and pressed the blue button. Y/n watched the stage lights flash on and off and music began to flare from the two big speakers towards the stage. A voice spoke from behind a curtain. The voice sounded very much excited.

"Okay! L-ladies and g-g-gentlemen, boys and girls-s, its time for the Funtime-time Freddy show-ow!" The voice glitched, ending a psychotic giggle. Y/n rested her chin in her hand while a pen laid in her other. She began writing on the pad. FunFred's voice is glitchy, have someone repair it. She set it down and looked to the stage. The curtain moved aside to reveal the Freddy animatronic, moving about.

"Hey, Freddy!" The little bunny hand puppet exclaimed and crossed his arms, "You forgot to introduce me to everyone. Hmph!"

"Oh Bon Bon, I would never forget about you! You're my best friend! Everyone, this is my best friend in the entire world, Bonnie the Bunny. But everyone calls him 'Bon Bon'. Say hello Bon Bon!"

"Hello everybody!" The bunny cheered, but he looked around.

Y/n picked up on this and wrote it down in her notebook. Bonnie’s hand puppet acts as an extra set of eyes. Maybe to scan the room to see how many people are present? She set her pen down and looked back up. The bunny was still looking around the room.

"Freddy, where is everybody? I don't see anybody" Bon Bon said, holding his paw to his nose. Freddy looked around the room too.

"Oh Bon Bon, you silly goose, there someone is! I see you over there in the dark! Come on out!"

Y/n looked around. ‘Of course, he’s talking to me, I’m the only other one in the room’, she thought. She got up from her seat in the back and sat closer to the stage.

“Wh-what’s your name-your name?” Freddy asked. Y/n furrower here eyes in confusion.

“Its...Y/n?” She said, tapping her leg with the pen.

“Y-Y/n! That’s such a fun name! Don’t you think so, Bo-Bon Bon?”

“Yep!”

Y/n squinted and smiled and continued watching the show.

======

“Hey, I’m done. What now?” Tanisha said opening the door. She heard Y/n’s laughing sound all through the auditorium and through the halls. She stepped in and walked towards her.

“Are you ok? I haven’t heard you laugh like this in a while. What’s so funny?” Tanisha asked, looking at her. Y/n didn’t answer, instead, she pointed to the stage, wiping a tear.

“Girl this stage show is so funny! I might have to spend more time here!” Y/n said, taking a breath. “When we get back, you gotta tell me what you saw and what changes need to be made. Tanisha nodded in response. Freddy heard the complements Y/n gave and wiggled his ears.

“Girl isn’t he so cute! I think I found my favorite performer.” Y/n said, resting her chin in her hand. Tanisha watched the show with her friend up until it was time to go.

“Don’t you have to shut him off?” She asked. Y/n nodded and got up.

“Yeah, but I don’t know how...Maybe it’s this red button.” Y/n said. Freddy was still talking to Bon Bon, but he tracked her with his eyes. The walked to the button and pressed it. A loud crackling noise sounded through the room. Both girls looked to the stage to see Freddy and Bonnie on their stage, not moving, frozen. Y/n’s mouth was agape for a moment.

“Did I just...zap him?” She asked. Tanisha was stunned too.

“Uhhh. I think so. Let’s go through, the vibe in here just shifted.” Tanish said walking backward and going back to the office. Y/n’s face fell but shifted to confusion at what her roommate said. She shrugged it off and walked closer. She grabbed Freddy’s hand.

“I’m so so so sorry. I didn’t know that would happen…” She whispered.

She let go and walked out of his room and towards the office.

[fanfics-arent-therapy-but-idc]

JATP FANFIC

Juke

Fluff

Oneshot

Time and Space

Julie and the boys decide to take a break from the band while Julie gets her bearings at college while they go and explore. Turns out that kindred spirits don’t take well to time and space.

Julie sat on the black swivel chair at the studio, back slightly arched over a keyboard as she recorded a new part to the chorus of a song she was working on. She hummed the lyrics lightly allowing her fingers to make what she heard in her head come to fruition. “Perfect” , she said once she added the keyboard to the song and replayed it. The song was mostly pop with a little bit of soul. It was right on brief as far as she was concerned, but the professors at Berklee were no joke. She just hoped that she did enough for an acceptable grade. After saving the song on her drive, she made her way to her room on 150 Massachusetts avenue. Her roommate, a dance major from Brazil, wasn’t going to be home until 11:00pm, meaning that she had two hours of alone time.

She entered the cozy room with a smile. Alana had turned on the L.E.D fairy lights and she could also smell the faint floral scent of the oil diffuser. She must have done this before she met up with her friends for their weekly Friday dinners . Julie locked the door, sat on her desk, and scribbled a note of gratitude, ending the note with a new Portuguese phrase that she’d picked up from her, “te amo muito”. After placing it on her bed, she began her nightly routine: shower, sing in the shower, wear her comfy pajamas(which consisted of an old, ripped up T-shirt that she had stolen from Luke years ago, and fluffy reindeer pajama pants), check her phone for messages, find out that she didn’t receive any, and ultimately sit on her bed for another hour with her notebook and a pencil. She usually felt most creative around this time, but tonight was not one of those nights. She stared at her phone that was all too proud to showcase her embarrassingly empty notifications list.

At first, the band came to the decision to go on hiatus for Julie’s sake. They had spent every hour of everyday together for two and a half years, cultivating a loyal following and making great music. A needed break, just so Julie could focus on school, was the logical move. Ever since they materialized as real people, they hadn’t spent much time exploring this new world. This was their chance. She mostly attributed the lack of communication to the fact that they probably still had no clue how to use smartphones and ignored the very plausible idea that they might have needed a break from her. She and Flynn spoke more often, but she was easily busier than Julie over at Northwestern with her double major in Performance studies and Film and Media studies.

Sigh. Julie fell backwards onto her bed and closed her eyes, remembering the day she left for Boston. It was still super hot in California, but she had a sweater stuffed into her carry-on for when she landed on the East Coast. The boys drove a separate car that contained most of her luggage, while her Dad, Flynn, and her brother were in another car, blasting the radio. Her father singing the loudest, trying to drown out the pang in his chest, Julie assumed. She was excited to go to college, but she would miss her hometown, her family, Flynn, and the boys. When they parked, the boys insisted on carrying all of the luggage. She had to wrestle Reggie to hold on to her carry-on. The boys wondered at everything they witnessed, none of them having taken a flight anywhere before dying. She distinctly remembers the way Luke smiled and waved at the troupe of pilots walking past them and towards their respective flights. When it was time for her to pass the threshold, her dad broke down, silent tears breaking through. “Mom would be so proud of you”, he assured her. Now it was Julie’s turn to cry. She hugged them all one more time, Luke last of all.

“Hey”, he started, “don’t forget about us when you become a cool, super smart, college student”. Julie laughed so hard that she startled the entire waiting area full of people.

“I promise that I won’t. And just because the band’s taking a break… that doesn’t mean you can’t call, or text, or video call. Don’t be a stranger.”

“Of course, once I figure out how to do that video call thing you’ll be seeing this face once a day”, he promised. Julie laughed again, wiped her tear-stained cheeks, and boarded her flight.

That was three weeks ago. The first time he video called her, the connection was poor, and they couldn’t hear each other. The second time he tried to call, she just got an embarrassingly bad grade on an exam that she had spent all night studying for in addition to being days behind on a project in the very same class. Julie lay in bed cringing at the memory of that afternoon.

“Hey Julie! woah, are you crying? What’s going on are you oka- “

“No- I mean I was, but I- I’m good now, just busy”,

“Oh. Well, what’s up?”

“Uh, nothing much honestly. Just… yeah just super busy”

“Julie, do you need me to hang up?”

“I’m so sorry, but yes. I’m just-”

“Busy? Got it. See you later”

She felt physically ill remembering that day. She had half a mind to text him an apology, but some sort of self-preservation setting inside of her stopped her every time. Knowing Luke, he’d probably texted everyone that she was super busy and not to be disturbed. Maybe that’s why she’s been left on radio silence for a week. Her dad even downsized from his daily calls and he always kept them under ten minutes; even if she insisted that she had more time. She was just about to call it a night when her phone vibrated. She froze. Don’t get too excited. It’s probably from one of your professors.

It wasn’t. Julie blinked and turned the brightness all the way up on her phone. The message read:

🎶Luke🎶: Hey, are you busy?

Julie was quick to respond:

You: No, not at all. Wanna talk?

Just as the little notification popped up to indicate that her message was delivered, there was a knock on her door. She assumed that it was Alana coming home early. She frequently forgot her keys so it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility, but who she opened the door for was completely unexpected.

“Dad! Carlos! What are you doing here?” Standing in front of her door was her dad and brother. She hugged them tightly and to more of her surprise, just outside the doorway was Flynn, Alex, Reggie, and Luke, standing humbly behind everyone else.

“Don’t be mad at us”, Alex said, “Luke made it very clear that this surprise could not be spoiled under any circumstances”.

“But we’re not that good at keeping secrets,” Reggie added.

“So you all decided to ghost me?” she questioned.

“Sort of”, Alex responded quietly. They were all looking at her. Wondering if they had made a grave mistake and if she would slam the door in their faces. She wouldn’t.

“Well… the risk was worth it. I am officially surprised!” she whispered, realizing that her fellow, sleep-deprived, students would not appreciate the interruption. The look of relief on everyone’s face was hilarious.

“Come on everyone, let’s get out of this hallway. I know a good 24-hour diner just around here. They have seats big enough for all of us”, Julie suggested.

“That sounds great Julie, but please tell me that you're getting changed first?” Flynn asked.

Julie remembered that she was in her ‘comfy clothes’. Clothes consisting of Luke’s shirt and Christmas pajamas. “Uhhh, yeah. Give me a minute”. She shut the door, jumped into a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a sweatshirt. “Okay, now I’m ready! Let’s go”.

The walk to the Diner was short, but Julie had learnt a lot. Carlos just started a photography club at his school, Flynn’s roommate, Justine, has an aunt who owns a hair salon, meaning discounted box braids all year. She was really excited about that. Reggie has been surprising fans at local cafes with acoustic versions of the band’s best hits. Alex has been holed up in every museum and library in California and Dad was up to the same old stuff, taking photos, cooking, and whatever old people do, Julie added to her dad’s protest.

“I am not old”, he responded as he pushed open the Diner doors. The place was pretty clean to most city-dwellers standards. The faded blue and yellow banquets surrounded the walls and long wooden tables were placed across from them. Julie took the liberty of snagging a few stools from the counter, seeing as the room was empty. Julie, Carlos, and her Dad sat on the stools while the rest of the crew spread out on the banquets. When the waitress came around she informed them that they were in luck and that there was a fresh batch of maple bacon and regular glazed hot out of the deep fryer. They ordered one of each for everyone, along with a pot of classic Diner coffee and a pitcher of water for Carlos. As they waited for their desserts, the group fell into a lull. Julie took this chance to get into Luke’s head. He had planned an entire trip across the country for her, but he hadn’t said more than twenty words to her since she’d layed eyes on him.

“So, Luke,” she started tentatively, “what have you been up to? Visit any museums lately?”

“Pfft I wish!” her father exclaimed. She peeked over at a mortified Luke and the sympathetic stares of his friends. “I swear all he ever does is sit in that studio, write songs, and sulk”, he continued mercilessly, only stopping when the waitress arrived.

“Here are the donuts. The coffee and water are coming right up”.

“Thank you so much,” her Dad responded kindly. “Now back to what I was say-”

“Julie, can we talk… outside,” Luke interrupted. Flynn and Carlos tried to stifle a laugh that ended in both of them choking on their donuts. Julie was… confused to say the least but she obliged, standing and walking shyly past the door he opened for her.

‘It’s freezing out here!’ She wanted to say to cut the tension, but she knew that the weather was not one of the topics of conversation that Luke had on his mind. They were walking now, taking small steps to nowhere in particular. Luke spoke first.

“So, as your father has so kindly told you, our beloved friends, and the entire Diner staff, I’m sort of miserable without you”.

Julie snorted. “Well, to be honest, I'm not having such a great time without you either. We’re really that co-dependent, huh?” Luke was smiling next to her and she was smiling back. She really did miss his smile.

“Ha, well, you say co-dependent, and I say that I'm deeply in love with you,” he shrugged, “same difference”. What? Julie froze. She was not prepared for this, but one could say that that was just bad planning on her part. Julie still remembers the day when she almost lost him to Caleb. The feeling of absolute darkness surrounding her heart, the feeling of heartbreak and anger. She was way too young to call that feeling love, but looking back, looking at all of the late-night songwriting sessions and the way she lost all ability to speak when he gave her that smile, maybe it was. Maybe it still is. Realizing that Luke was watching her, she tried to utter some sort of response.

“Luke, I-”

“You don’t have to say it back, in fact I'm asking you not to, but just hear me out on this one request. Please?”

“Okay.”

“Let me stay.”

“Where? My dorm room. I think that Alana and my dad might have something to say about that,” she answered, unsure of where this was going.

“Very funny Molina. He was doing his nervous finger twitch. “C’mon lighten the mood Julie!” She chastised herself.

“Right? I should drop out and pursue a career in come-”

“Let me stay here in Boston”, he butted in. She didn’t mind because she could see how much what he wanted to say scared him. “I'll get my own place, I'll work crappy retail jobs when all my money runs out, I’ll busk on the streets for all I care, but I… I need this. He was gesturing at the two of them.

Julie stood there unmoving. He needed her. The sentiment was horrifying and exciting at the same time, but she couldn’t hide her truth when he was showing his off right in front of her. To her, he was that bit of California sunshine she was always missing, the series of sounds that filled the empty part of a song she was producing, he was like the sweet glaze on a soft donut; he completed her. Without thinking, she grabbed his shaking hands and placed them on her cheeks. Like from memory, he was caressing her face. She placed her hands on his face and did the same. For a split second, Julie was sixteen again, in her mother’s studio, holding on tight to what she had left, what she wanted more than anything.

“I need you too, Luke. You're the glaze to my donut.” It was Luke’s turn to laugh now. Julie knew it was a stupid metaphor, but it got the job done and it made him smile.

“Oh my gosh that was terrible”, he teased, putting both hands over his mouth in shock, “how did you get into Berklee?”

“That’s a lot of talk coming from someone who didn’t get into Berklee”, she teased back, arms folded.

“Hey, don’t underestimate me! I could have gotten in had I applied”, he assured her.

“You don’t even have a transcript, Luke.”

“Once again, do not underestimate my skills of persuasion. I managed to get you to let three ghosts live in your studio” he replied.

“Fine. Then apply next semester,” she teased.

“Is that a challenge, Molina?”

“More like an invitation”, Julie looked him in the eyes now, all jokes aside.

“I’ll be there. Always”, he answered.

“Wow. That was, inspiring”, said a familiar voice, “but can we please get back to the hotel? The waitress just warned us that we don’t want to be walking around here after dark.”

Julie and Luke turned in unison to see a paranoid Alex standing in front them. “Oh, and congratulations on the two of you finally realizing that you are literally inseparable. This past month has been torture for me! Now c’mon, let’s go before we get murdered, but for real this time.”

The trio walked back into the Diner with Luke and Julie holding hands. This was met with various cheers, chants, and a relieved “finally”! from Julie’s dad. “Now I can use my studio in peace!”

THE END!

[sedge-and-sanctuary]

🐺💀🍋🌰🐾 all for Verand (or someone else if you prefer)

—BlueFox/The LostWood Pack

oh ty! love an excuse to talk abt Verand! (might mix in some answers abt her sister Radun too)

🐺 if your wolf was a different kind of animal, what animal would they be?

 time to work out the old daemon assigning muscles I’m tempted to just say ‘a sand plover’ because her full name is Sand Plover but that doesn’t feel quite right tbh! They’re too like-- timid?

I’d say her main traits are that she grew up in a bad environment, travelled far away, and is very adventurous (and currently kind of a troublemaker), so I think she’d be  something migratory!

Tentatively (and it has to be tentative bcos otherwise ill be reading wikipedia pages about animals all day trying to get this Perfect lmao) I would say she’d be a caspian seal or california sea lion. They’re both migratory, slightly obnoxious (esp sea lions are often considered a pest or nuisance animal by fishermen), and have that ocean connection which I like since Verand grew up near the ocean, as well as both seals & sea lions having sort of a playful reputation, & she’s definitely got this sort of goofy playful energy when she’s not being a pain in the ass!

💀 what’s your wolf’s greatest fear?

Uhhh it’s hard to say for me bcos Verand is a pretty confident fearless fool RN. I do think she has some fears from her unhappy puphood that she does her best to ignore & kind of stubbornly refuses to acknowledge she even has if that makes sense?

She’s probably deep-down really terrified of being rejected in the sanctuary pack the way she was rejected by her birth pack (I think this is maybe part of her rebelliousness-- like she subconsciously wants to push and push and test to make really sure that the sanctuary pack will keep her around even when she’s acting out). 

Out of everything her worst fear is probably losing her sister, though. Radun saved Verand’s life, is her only connection to her birth pack, is her only family, was the only person around for almost all of her childhood-- they’re closer to each other than any one else, and even though they’re fighting RN Verand would just be completely shattered if anything happened to Radun.

Radun’s greatest fear similarly is something happening to Verand, but she’s also much more consciously scared that the sanctuary pack will reject her, or fall apart, or a million other things. I think she’s a bit sort of hyper-vigilant due to the environment she grew up in & just overanalyzes every little thing that happens trying to think out implications and get out ahead of anything going wrong (which served her well in her birth pack, and kinda baffles the sanctuary pack, where words & actions don’t actually tend to have deep hidden meanings & there’s essentially no political scheming).

🍋what’s your wolf’s least favourite thing about themself? their favourite?

I think Verand is pretty self-confident? Which she likes about herself. She likes that she’s adventurous and curious and thinks her big sister is boring for not wanting to explore and take risks the same way she does!

She’s maybe a bit over-eager to please, and is aware of it; like she really wants the other adols to think she’s cool (esp. Kit), and sometimes will do or say something that’s a bit obviously ‘trying too hard’ and be embarrassed about it. She doesn’t like that worm of insecurity that she’s still got in her.

🌰 what does your wolf do for fun?

HM this is actually tricky for me. I’ve been struggling a lot with what Verand and Catfish’s misbehaving actually CONSISTS of because I don’t know what wolves would like. Do for fun?

I think she & Catfish and Uno like just stomp around sanctuary territory a lot at first, just exploring, but once that gets ‘boring’ for them I’m not sure what they’d do! play pranks for sure, probably wander further and further afield, skip their hunting duties to goof off, maybe like, get drunk off of fermented fruit or something IDK. I think later in life she’ll still love exploring, but also be willing to hang out w older pack members more & come to rlly enjoy listening to their stories!

🐾 how does your wolf feel about humans (or other non-wolf animals)?

I think her curiosity makes her pretty open to non-wolf animals, and especially humans. I don’t believe she’s ever seen a human-- she’s spent basically her whole life travelling through deep back country and then living way up in the mountains. 

She’s really curious about them; almost all the pack’s elders (Hat Trick, Finch, Rover, Seven) have these crazy stories about their times living with humans, and humans do such weird stuff; they build giant buildings, they drive cars, they have guns-- Verand views these things as almost myths I think, because she’s never seen them, and the idea of like-- a skyscraper is so outside the scope of her life? So she wants to see if all those stories about humans are true! this is foreshadowing future lore stuff

[ajokeformur-ray]

Introducing - Dr. Hannibal and Mrs. Erika Lecter.

Self - shipping game (started by @jokersspookyhyena​; thank you for the tag, darling!💗)

I’m really nervous about posting this because Hannibal is...  very special to me. The bond we share is on a similar level to the one I have with Joker. The only real difference is the length of time; Hannibal has been with me for far longer. I love him so much that it hurts and I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am without him.

PLEASE NOTE - 

Mentions of abuse, dissociation and passive suicidal tendencies - unspecified, just named as listed. It’s relevant and almost central to our relationship. If you want to skip this bit, it’s the question asking his favourite things about me, specifically. Every other question is safe, loves! My connection to him is raw, and so are my answers.

Word count: 2, 450 (uhhh... woops??)

When did you get together/how long have you known them?

Hannibal and I go way back. I have known Hannibal Lecter, as a character across all forms of media, since I was thirteen, but NBC’s Hannibal I met when I was shy of eighteen. I adore all portrayals of Hannibal Lecter, but this Hannibal is my most favourite one. Not because Mads Mikkelsen is outrageously attractive, although that’s also true, but because in him I found solace, peace, acceptance, understanding... and safety, in more ways than one. Over the course of the time we’ve known each other, our dynamic has always changed and it’s grown with me. As I’ve gotten older, the dynamic has become increasingly romantic. When I look back on my life, Hannibal’s always been with me, and thank goodness because I wouldn’t be who I am today without him. I am so grateful to and for him for so many reasons it’d be impossible to list them all.

Nicknames, both yours for them and theirs for you!

Sksksksksk I annoy Hannibal with all my nicknames for him: Hanni is the one I use for everything, more than his own name, pretty Hanni when I want cuddles but I’m too shy to actually say, my love when I’m feeling tender for him (all the time) sometimes I’ll combine nicknames and say; Hanni, my love. Sometimes I call him my precious cannibal... that’s for our most romantic moments, though. When I’m talking to others about him, I usually attach “my” to the front of his name. He’s not mine, of course, and I don’t own him and he doesn’t belong to me, but the bond which we have is mine, and this is an important distinction.

Hannibal doesn’t have many nicknames for me. He most often calls me by my name, little fawn/doe when I’m especially skittish or he makes me accidentally jump (it’s not hard to do, though it’s not fun for him because it takes ages for me to calm down), dearest, my love, and the most recent addition is, phoenix or my phoenix... I wrote about that here if you want to read about why he calls me that!

Who’s on top?

Hannibal, most often. He likes to push, destroy and reset boundaries in his own image, though, so sometimes he’ll make me go on top just to see what I do. Spoilers: I always nuzzle my face into the warm crook of his neck, lock my arms and legs around him, and close my eyes. If Hannibal desires for anything sexual, then he has to roll me to be underneath him because once I’m on him, all I want is the safe cage of his embrace (though, on the rare occasions I get... amorous, I just aim my hips downwards every time I shift to get comfortable. It’s subtle enough to be missed, but Hannibal knows me and his chuckle rumbles through his chest and it always makes me smile).

Who is more protective?

Mmm... Hannibal, I would say. I don’t take the best care of myself and Hannibal often has to help me. Erika, don’t you think you should eat something? It has been several hours and you don’t want to get a stomach ache from not eating for so long, do you? and other such less than subtle reminders. 

However, I’m not totally helpless and if anyone hurts my Hanni, then oooooooh, this fawn bares her teeth. You do not touch my Hanni. I may be afraid of confrontation and of raised voices, but if I catch wind of anyone targeting Hannibal, then none of that matters. Good luck taking Hannibal to prison, Jack, I’mma square up and you better be ready to catch these hands. 

Who said ‘I love you’ first?

Meeeee ~ , I did!!!!! Because I knew him so young, for about six years of our friendship, I used to just say “I love you” and Hannibal would smile patiently but otherwise not encourage anything, for obvious reasons. But one day, I said I loved him and Hannibal gave me the time old reaction. “No, Hanni, listen. I love you.” He blinked once, twice, smiled... and still didn’t say it back. But that’s okay - I like to think that he loves me too. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t. He’s Hannibal Lecter, who knows? If it’s a moment which needs for him to say it back, he’ll most often say, “and I, you.” It’s close enough.

Who does the household chores? Including cleaning, cooking, anything around the house.

Hanni and I split everything. I live with him and he refuses to let me pay rent or for food and the like (I have something of a guilt complex so I always feel bad for 'taking’ anything without giving something back, which is usually more than what I was initially given), so instead if something needs doing, I’ll do it without saying anything. Hannibal is incredibly self-sufficient and I stay out of his kitchen (I can cook well enough but Hannibal’s Japanese knives scare me so I stay out of the way and he’s very particular about the order of things in his kitchen), and I don’t go in his office either, but the rest of our home is mine to do whatever I want with. Sometimes I’ll deliberately stay out of his way and when he comes a-running (but not to help), he finds I’ve done odd jobs here and there around the home. He doesn’t thank me for it, he knows I don’t want that, so he dips his chin and eyes me with those gorgeous chocolate eyes, and I know I’ve earned myself a cuddle session later. Both of us know that that’s what I was after the entire time, though neither of us addresses it. He’s taught me well. A bit too well, he sometimes thinks.

Who gets hurt more often?

Me 😂 I have been known to trip over my own foot standing still and it’s not unusual for me to stand up and to sway as I try to find my balance and for Hanni to reach up to grasp my wrist until I’ve settled. It’s embarrassing and my cheeks always go bright red from blushing, but the heat of his hand seeps into my skin and I can’t tell which of the two body parts burns more. Sometimes his touch lingers on my skin and I end up sitting back down, not wanting to leave my precious cannibal. This was what Hannibal wanted the entire time and we both know it but we don’t address it, and I realise that either I’m becoming more like him, or he’s starting to adopt some of my own mannerisms. You and I have begun to blur is something Will once said to Hannibal, but it’s not a wholly exclusive sentiment. There are aspects of me which are because of Hannibal and we both know it.

How do you sleep?

I don’t, not without my Hanni. He most often lays on his back and lets me settle myself half on his body and half off. One of my legs stretches across his body so that my inner knee is pressed to his outer hip and I wrap my arms around his shoulders. My face finds its way either into his chest so I can hear his heartbeat and feel the rumble of his voice in my ear, or pressed into the warm crook of his neck so I can feel his pulse against my skin and know that he is alive and safe. When at last do I fall asleep, for it takes me a long time to settle and to get comfortable (seven hundred position changes and a sacrifice to Satan), Hannibal turns off the light he allows me while I fall asleep (if I wake up in the dark, I’ll be scared to the point of a panic attack and then he will wake and comfort me. This increases my trust in him and further ensures that I won’t leave him. We both know he does this but again, it’s not addressed. I trust him implicitly, which again... is all a part of his plan.) and then he turns onto his side with me pressed tightly to his chest.

Sometimes, on very rare occasions, when Hannibal has been hurt or if he’s sick, he likes to lay atop me and our positions are the same as above, but reversed. So he’s the one clinging onto me and I am the one on my back, protecting my pretty Hanni from all who seek to do him harm or to take his freedom away from him... that’s something I’d never condemn him to. I love him far too much to ever put him through that. Beasts belong out in the wild, do they not?

Fears?

Hannibal fears having his freedom taken away from him, he fears being completely vulnerable, he fears never being understood... his fears are bigger than me, so I can only love him as hard as I can every single day, without hesitation, thought or fault.

And, well... I have lots of fears. My biggest fears are the dark and... certain physical illnesses and Hannibal has offered multiple times to get me a suitable therapist, but I refuse every time. I have my Hanni, so I have everything.💖 He knows me and he knows that if he just stays, I’ll even lay in the pitch darkness for him... if he just stays. So he stays and, oh, my fear smells delicious and he craves more... so I crave his closeness and on it goes. We kind of... led each other into this relationship but looking back, I definitely don’t want it any other way. I’m not sure about Hannibal. 

Favorite physical and personal feature about them?

I love all of Hannibal, but his eyes are the warmest pools of chocolate I’ve  ever seen. I like to cup his face in my hands, especially when we’re sat in his study by the fire, and I like to get very close to him so that my nose is touching his and I just look into his eyes, the soft orange glow of the fire giving his dark irises a red tint... he has the eyes of a shark. 

And that voice... asdfghjk 🥵🥵🥵 many a panic attack has been stopped before it’s started, many a nightmare soothed, by even one word. Hanni has to be careful what he asks of me because he knows that I won’t ever say no to him, but that was all a part of his plan... so long as I love him, I am useful to him. I lost all of myself once and Hanni helped me to find her. His voice led the way, it called out to the darkness in me, and I could only answer his call. He saved me.

And I love his hair... especially in the mornings when it brushes against his eye lashes, I... I just love him.🥺🥺🥺

My favourite personal feature of Hannibal’s is his mind. His psyche is an ocean with murky, never before charted depths, and I long to dive in at the deepest part and to never resurface. I long for his tongue to cut into me, for his words to slice me apart, and then for him to submerge me in the depths of his mind, in the depths of the love he may have for me, and to soothe away the metaphorical wounds I inflict upon myself daily (my inner voice most often sounds like my abusers, try as I might). I long to become one with my cannibal so that never are we torn asunder.

Their favorite physical and personal feature about you?

Mmm... this one is really hard to answer because I am not, ah... favourable of myself in any way. My dress just rode up to my thigh, though, and I can literally see the answer: my tattoo. A few years ago, something terrible happened and as a result, I dissociated to the point of barely functioning and I experienced passive suicidal ideation for a long time even after I escaped that situation (Hanni is the reason I left that, too). Instead of giving into that, though, I designed and then got a tattoo and though I wanted to die, Hannibal made me feel alive that day. Though I know that Hannibal doesn’t like his meat branded (😂), I also know that he loves my tattoo. It’s a physical mark of my love and my devotion to him, and of course it strokes his ego. He quite literally saved my life and I wanted to immortalise that instead of destroying myself further.

Even if I do say so myself, she’s gorgeous:

His favourite personal feature about me is the fact that I see him. I know exactly who Hanni is. I know what he’s done. I know what he’s capable of. I know his past, his present, and I see who he is. I can look at him and guess within an accurate measure as to his thoughts and feelings. I see him and I know him and I love him genuinely, with everything that I am. There have been multiple points in my life where I’ve lived for him in a very raw and real way, and he knows that. Hanni is a rare gift and by some stroke of luck, I was given him. I’ll never be able to repay him for his kindness.

Something intimate you do together?

We lay together. Not just cuddling like I answered in a different question, but we talk. About anything and everything. Hannibal listens more than he speaks up until he notices I’m getting tired, and then he speaks and I listen. He’ll cite Dante in Italian or quote Shakespeare, he’ll talk about Schrodinger's theory or answer my question do killed spiders become ghosts? And we spend that time together. There’s an intimacy not just in naked bodies but in bared souls too, and when both forms happen at the same time? It’s the purest, rawest intimacy he and I are capable of. And it happens nightly - no exceptions.

Who needs more TLC when sick?

Hanni rarely gets sick or injured, so this is me again. I usually work as best as I can through my sickness and I’ll tell him that I’m fine, I don’t need anything... but he takes care of me because he knows I want him to, even if I won’t say it. I’m the kind of person who longs to be wholly self-sufficient and independent, and I can do it, too, but I soften considerably when someone treats me the way I treat them and it almost always makes me cry, no matter who they are. I’ve learned to be strong so when I’m taken care of, I don’t know how to handle it... but Hanni does. Hanni has seen me at my best, at my worst, at my worst and everything in between, and he can handle all of me. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.

[manuelmueller]

forever and a day

Theobald means bold person, and even when he hasn’t really gone by the name for several centuries, it couldn’t have been more fitting.

He doubts his mother could have known though, when she held him in his arms, tiny, a runt, crying all the time in the midst of an icy autumn that came way too early, and with it storms and high tide, that he would be here, in a world that’s so different from anything his mother would ever know.

He can’t remember her face. Not really, not since him and Manfred fled their village on the morning of their execution.

Witches, they’d called them, whispered between ducked heads and behind draped curtains, when Theobald turned their back on them.

Two men, approaching forty summers, whose appearance didn’t change for so long until people started to talk.

It hit Manno worse than him – he has always been the more sensitive out of the two, even though he has and to this day does hide it well, behind stoney faces, tightly pressed lips and dark glares, as sharp as the arrows he was so adept at making and firing.

They hadn’t realized how serious it was until the two friends had been cornered by most of the members of the council – people who they’d called friends prior facing them with weapons, backing them into a corner before locking them up.

Their trial was short. Theobald doesn’t remember what their arguments were, but suddenly every old farmer’s wife had observed them praticing pagan rituals in a full moon, talking with animals, cursing people who had then fallen ill.

At the time, he’d thought it to all be complete bogus, and it was – except that he had looked at his hands, and they were the hands of someone maybe in their early thirties.

He didn’t have time to think about it for long until their execution was decided. They’d locked them back into their room. Manfred had looked apathetic, as if every emotion had been sucked out of him, his eyes empty, his blond hair – shorn at the sides, long braids on top – matted.

Theobald had tried to talk to him, but it had been to no avail. Only when he woke in the middle of the night, he’d realized that the other man was sobbing, cowered into himself, making himself as small as someone of his size possibly could.

That night was the first time Theobald had wrapped him in more than a fleeting hug that friends exchange after a while of separation, rocking him in his arms until the bigger man’s sobs had turned into tiny whimpers as he buried his face in Theo’s neck.

“It will be okay,” he’d whispered, fully well knowing nothing would be okay at all.

It was looking at the pure despair in Manfred’s eyes that made him make a decision. They would get out of there, or die trying. Because what did it matter, when outside, there was a pyre waiting for them, and he knew that if they stayed, they wouldn’t see the sun rise again.

It’s been over 1200 years, and he still remembers every detail of that night so clearly as if it had been only the day before.

That’s the cursed thing about bad memories – while the good ones in the end just leave an impression that tastes of comfort, the worst ones never really leave you alone.

He hates seeing Manno cry. Of course, today’s tears are a lot less heavy, born out of frustration rather than fearing for his life, but it still sends daggers into Theo’s stomach just like it did back then.

Of course, whereas they were only friends, brothers in arms back then, now they’ve been the other part of each other’s soul for over a millenia.

“Hey, my love,” he whispers, their dead language heavy on his tongue, but not forgotten be the man by his side, “it will be okay.”

Manno’s smile is grim, but he rubs his hand over his hair – short now, cropped back down to two or three inches every time it gets just a little bit shaggy – sighing.

“I know. I just hate it. I still do. It’s childish, I know, especially considering–”

Considering all the wars they’ve lived through, considering they’d spent most of the last century apart, believing the other was dead after all, considering that they never said goodbye to their families back then, and that everyone they’ve grown up with has been dead for so long that their bones have fallen to dust ages ago.

Theo shakes his head. “It’s not. It just means that even after all of it, you’re still achingly, painfully human. No matter what anyone else would think. And now,” he offers him a hand, pulling him up, his back groaning, “let’s go. The others are waiting for us. And for them, ten minutes can feel like a lifetime.”

Manno rolls his eyes, but he’s smirking as he picks up his bag, swinging it onto his shoulder.

“Mortals, ugh.”

Theo laughs and takes his hand. It’s risky, after all, there are still people around – but considering everything, he thinks, he’s allowed to feel a little bit daring.

–––––

italics indicate “Theo” speaking Germanic or Old High German (I haven’t really decided yet when they were born and uhhh my last linguistics class was also a while ago)

[lokemikaze]

Zuka Rant: Part 2 (2016 Yuki - Don Juan)

okay so. for some reason, the gang in the zuka server decided they wanted to torture me, and introduced me to the 2016 yukigumi don juan. i thought i was prepared, but uhhh apparently not - i didn’t expect this amount of pAIN D: i’m legit gonna spend the next week crying about this

if you don’t already know, don juan is a “womanizer” trash man who brings shame upon his family and doesn’t appreciate the people who love him - until he meets maria, who he for some reason falls head over heels for and ends up dying for. that is not the main focus of this essay, though; my wish is to expand upon my thoughts about don juan’s relation to mental illness. please note that this will touch upon heavy themes, including Bad Coping Mechanisms. i’ll say it again:

TRIGGER WARNING FOR DARK THEMES LIKE alcoholism and self-harm

so. where to start. perhaps i should first make a disclaimer and say that while i am quite Experienced with mental illness, i am by no means an expert, and everything i write here will be my own personal opinions and over-analysis. i also know nothing about the history of this musical etc., i went into this blindly and got punched by the pain

when we first meet juan (played by the amazing daimon, who does such a good job), he is at a bar, surrounded by women. he smiles his gorgeous little smile, and dear gods we’re all taken by this utter trash man. he pushes the ones who love him away in favour of having yet another fling as he empties another bottle. does this seem healthy? nah fam, this is a textbook example of actual self-harm - he may not even realise it himself, but the way he is dealing with his inner struggles is to drown it in alcohol and s*x. it is harmful to both body and mind, yet he uses it to push away the harsh reality and ignore his own emotions

there’s a very touching scene where we get to see young don juan with his mother as she dies. i think this is perhaps where some of his struggles started - he seemed to be struggling slightly even before this, but this is of course a moment that deeply affects him. he throws away his cross necklace, cursing god, and from then we can only imagine the path he took to get to the present. there is a very big chance he hasn’t actually dealt with the grief and trauma from seeing his mother die, and has instead repressed it. for years. and you know what we say about repressing emotions? uhh yeah it’s not good

so as i see it, the juan we meet at the beginning of this musical is a broken man who does not want to acknowledge that he is broken. he shows obvious signs of depression (i.e. pushing people away, losing interest in i.e. the women he desire), and he spends his days (unconsciously?) self-harming. he hides behind a smiling mask, when in reality he is filled with so much anger and grief, and probably - judging by his reactions later - is really out of touch with his emotions, unable to grasp any of them. it is, in fact, Sad Boie Hours

then, the ghost appears. or is it a ghost? i see this as a figment of juan’s mind - perhaps a hallucination? he clearly believes what he’s seeing is real, but nobody else can see what he sees. he is distressed by this (obviously), and reacts violently bc that’s the only way he knows to act. we can see him slowly losing his grip on reality, unable to make out the difference. as someone who has at several points in my life had hallucinations, i can confirm that the way he is acting is indeed very realistic for someone in that situation. not to mention that he’s haunted by guilt and trauma and all those emotions he has pushed down for so long. he loses some of the control he has over himself due to the extreme mental anguish he is going through.

then, he meets maria. it is love at first sight. he sees her, and talks to her, and cannot grasp - what is this feeling? why does it hurt, why does it feel like everything is changing? he finally has something that feels light in his life, something that ‘sparks joy’. maria gives him what no one else have been able to - a positive feeling that shines through the darkness of his struggles. he swears to change for her, to abandon his old ways and start a new and better life, and this is where i need to rant a bit about the costumes

as i said in my previous essay, i am a Costume Nerd, and i was a lot more pleased with the costumes of this production than in 2009 zukabeth (still salty). there aren’t many costume changes, but there doesn’t need to be. juan’s first outfit is such a Vibe, and i absolutely love it - and it’s completely full-on black. only black. however, after he meets maria and pledges to change, his costume also changes. he now has not only really pretty sparkle, but *white*. his all-black has adapted to include touches of white. there are of course multiple meanings that could be read into this, but what does it mean judging from the mental health viewpoint? well, black is often associated with depression and dark thoughts (hence the name *dark* thoughts), while white is associated with purity, joy and hope. my theory is that juan’s previously hopeless existence now has hope, something he wants to live for, someone he loves and cherishes and who keeps him going. there is light at the end of the dark tunnel, so to say.

then, maria’s fiance comes back from war and confronts juan. they agree upon a duel, and juan has what seems to be a panic attack. all of a sudden, the fragile happiness he created with maria is broken, and everything comes flooding back - including his hallucination ghost. in a following scene, he is seen with his (absolutely gay) friend, who tries to convince him to Not Do This. the ghost follows, and we see that juan is once again losing his grip on reality, lashing out and refusing to listen to reason. when the duel scene arrives, juan’s costume is back to the full black. his hope is gone, and he has reverted back into the anguished man he was.

in the beginning of the duel, juan fights mercilessly, wounding his enemy several times, each time getting more and more out of control. he sees this man as the obstacle between himself and the hope he tried to cling on to, and now that he has had a taste of happiness, he wants it back. he aims to kill, and gets angry when his target won’t. stop. getting. up!! this is when the good old hallucination ghost once again appears, telling him that he is only procrastinating the inevitable, that if he wins, he will lose anyway due to the sin of killing another man. you can *see* the moment when juan’s last grip on reality shatters, and from then on out there’s no hope of it ending well. he has given up hope, he has given in to the darkness, he has accepted as a fact that there is no good outcome for him. if he lives on, he will be plagued by his own struggles, unable to find a way out of the deep dark hole his mind has plunged him into. and so, he does the only thing that seems logical, and basically throws himself at his enemy’s blade. he states that this way, maybe he can live on in the love between himself and maria. my belief is that it was a simple way to commit s*icide that didn’t involve him having to actually do it himself. it makes it seem ‘accidental’, and lays the blame on someone else. 

and so, don juan dies. a painful, harsh death that absolutely punched my heart and wrenched the sobs from my throat (thanks for enabling my hyper empathy, daimon, well done). he dies with little else than the vague hope that maybe, he can die with love, and that something good will come from it all. a man who got too little time, made too many bad decisions, and had too many issues that he should’ve gotten help with ages ago goddammit. it is questionable if he was fully aware of his decision, being fully lost to his own mind by then, but what is unquestionable is that he suffered a lot. his entire life was filled with suffering, hidden behind a cocky smile. 

if you’ve read all the way here, thank you for considering what i had to say. i hope i remembered everything i wanted to say. i have no way to conclude this, other than to say “thanks, i hate this” to the sadists who threw me into this. it is a heartwrenching story that i honestly can relate to a little too much to (no, i am not a murderer nor a womanizer), and i felt don juan’s pain on a deep level. have i read way too much into it all? probably. then again, that’s the beauty of fiction - we all have our own experiences which affect the impression it leaves us with. and to me, takarazuka’s don juan isn’t about a cocky bastard who got too full of himself - it’s about a young man so filled with pain that it led to his demise.

[irregulardiaryposts]

23:28 11/05/2021

sooooo uhhhhh,, its chewsday innit.i have no idea what my life is anymore. like what do i even do?? i have no idea how i would describe myself to someone else and thats sort scary yk. like how am i supposed to like myself if i dont know who i am? n e way enough existentialismmmmmm ice gotten more unconditional uni offers which im dead proud of like who wouldve thought I wouldve been able to do this. if only i couldve seen myself like 4 years ago i would be shocked. i mean most of it would make sense but like i didnt even think id live this long tbh. i dont think about that enough the fact i couldnt see myself getting older and doing 'grown uo things' because i thought i would never get through the present. that sounds real sad wow. 

lets talk about something else, perhaps how i believe myself to be far too impulsive for my own good and never thinking anything through twice. like ive just tried to revamp my whole room coz i was unhappy with it. i tried to chalk it up to just wanting a better desk and suddenly ive thrown away half my furniture and my room looks empty affff. but its ok since it already looks kinda better everything's cleaner now too. 

i went into my backgarden today and i picked all the uhhh my laptop almost died on me there i realised my things at full brightness anyway yes i went and picked the uh dandelions? the yellow chucky ones and some daisies and i made some flower chains and stuff and hung them in my room even though theyre gonna die idrc becuase they still look kinda cute, i keep patching my uni prep class becuase icba going but i still need to set up student loans and shit and actually confirm my choice for uni too omfg so much work and also need to start teaching msyelf the theory sruff for my driving thingytghing 

i was just looking back at another post before i started typing this and i was talking about how i dont really espress myself all too well through my apppearance and things i can personalise to me and i feel like ive gotten a lot better at that coz i recently chucked away a lot of clothes i dont wear and my mum bought me new stuff and im dead chuffed coz im far more confident in them and theyre far more comfy too :) ive also stopped wearing bras with wires and padding in them coz fuck all that shit i no longer care if people see my nipples becuase its not worth the actual pain from and improperly fitting bra which all of them are on me ............................................  

ive been listening to some NEW music lately just from my discover weekly stuff and its been pretty fuckign spot on with the shit i wanna listen to but i wish itd let me save each week as like a diff playlist but ive just been adding my favs to my other playlists feel like ive been piecing myself together bit by bit after not having the right pieces for years. 

anyway future me or whoever listen to 'them changes' by thunder someone or other because i think im a little bit obssesed atm hehehehehhehehehesjnjndkb LJBSCLVJBs jbs c' CKJBDKjkbckj  sh. i feel a bit like a fraud tho ngl like as tho im waiting for the other shoe to drop and find out im actaully lying about being a functioning human being for longer than like 5 days in the past 3/4 years. did that make sense idk im justsaying i feel a bit fake and that next time i feel a bit d y s f u n c t i o n a l its gonna hit really fucking hard and its gonna take a lot to get over it idk maybe im just being pessimistic or smth have a tendency to do that. 

also ive completely given up with school i have less than a month left and i cannot be fucked doing any more work than is necessary to pass ie only doing the test things and pretending to know what im doing in class no studying no homework none of that bs i would rather break my toes ..  

ive wrote like 3800 characters thats like maybe 800 words isssshhh idk man considering ive wrote w shit like wbsihizjbk ziSJNlcjb alknfbv ajn jankbdv. you know , . i dont really know what im rambing about anymore nothing has realliy progressed that much do idk what to say ill come back maybe when im at uni :O beye