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Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes

Experiencing issues and depression is inevitable in existence. Sometimes, Funny Quotes can help up loosen up a piece. Here we’ve got gathered Funny Quotes and sayings which can help you be happier and help you sense higher. Here’s a group of funny quotes and humorous mind to tickle your funny bone. As you try your nice to juggle with paintings, children, family, housework, friends, pastimes and a zillion of other stuff, allow a number of those funny quotations and from time to time silly quotes loosen up you and bring some lightheartedness into your day. If you want to laugh louder and you are searching for funny Quotes then don’t worry we are here for you. we are providing the best collection of Funny Quotes. Hope, You will Enjoy.

Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes For Fun

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

I and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’

Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.

At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Don’t know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

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Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say ‘How to Build a Boat.’

There was a time when people said, ‘Jim if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.’ Now they just say, ‘Pay him!’

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money.

The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.

Short Funny Quotes

A great social success is a pretty girl who plays her cards as carefully as if she were plain. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome. – Golda Meir

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. – Kahlil Gibran

Just because something is beautiful doesn’t mean it’s good. – Alex Flinn

Beauty isn’t about having a pretty face. It’s about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, & a pretty soul. – unknown

It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it’s not, it’s a visa, and it runs out fast. – Julie Burchill

Often a noble face hides filthy ways. – Euripides

The faces that have charmed us the most escape us the soonest.

Never steal. The government hates competition.

Smile…It confuses people..!!

Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!

Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Short Funny Quotes

Save paper, don’t do home work.

Life is Short – Talk Fast!

Save water and shower together.

It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.

Adults are just kids with money.

Funny Quotes About Life And Love

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I’d walk through an endless garden of roses.

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Life is like flying an airplane. You’ll be pushed around, have your ups, downs and even upside downs, but try hard enough and you’ll land where your heart desires.

If the path is beautiful, let us not question where it leads.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy – her heart.

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When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

Love is the only two player game in which both players can win.

Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

Do butterflies feel humans in their stomach when they’re in love?

Funny Quotes About Life And Love

I’ll flirt with you every day.

Love is like jumping out of an airplane knowing that someone else has packed your chute. You pull the cord hoping that a canopy opens up, but it could very well be packed full of dirty laundry and a half-eaten cheese sandwich.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

The sincerest love is the love of food.

Funny Quotes About School

“Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today’s world — an assigned parking space.” — Gene Perret

“In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” — Tom Bodett

“It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.” — Epictetus

“No wonder the teacher knows so much; she has the book.” — Edgar Watson Howe

“Some students drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.” — E.C. McKenzie

“Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.” — Will Durant

“People learn something every day, and a lot of times it’s that what they learned the day before was wrong.” — Bill Vaughan

“Education helps you earn more. But not many schoolteachers can prove it.” — E. C. McKenzie

“Work hard, nap hard.” — Demi Lovato

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Funny Quotes About School

“The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn’t stop until you get to school.” — Milton Berle

“Nothing grieves a child more than to study the wrong lesson and learn something he wasn’t suppose to.” — E.C. McKenzie

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. –Edgar W. Howe

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know. –Bill Watterson

The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can’t be learned at school. –Haruki Murakami

“When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.” — Mark Twain

“If people did not do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.” — Ludwig Wittgenstein

“Education costs money, but then so does ignorance.” — Claus Moser

Funny Quotes About Friends

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. –Bernard Meltzer

Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go. -Margaret Walker

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. –Benjamin Franklin

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall , I will pick you up… after I finish laughing. -Unknown

You don’t lose friends because real friends can never be lost. You lose people masquerading as friends and you’re better for it. –Mandy Hale

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’ –Groucho Marx

Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans. -Unknown

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Funny Quotes About Friends

If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything. -Unknown

I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head. But like in the leg or something. -Unknown

Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive. -Unknown

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. -Oprah Winfrey

Best friend: the one that you can mad only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them. -Unknown

A good friend is a connection to life — a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. –Lois Wyse

Short Funny Quotes About Life

How’s your health?’ ‘It’s enough for life!’

Life always turns out not as you want but as it should be.

Death takes away the best people. It means that I will live long and long.

It would be nice to live as everyone else, but my conscience wouldn’t let me.

A simple rule to follow in your life: do your best and let God do the rest.

If the music is too loud – most probably you’re too old.

I do very bad things, and I do them extremely well.

Life belongs to optimists. Pessimists are just viewers.

Life is so short to ruin it for everyone.

Shit happens, just flush it down and move on.

Some days I just don’t have enough middle fingers to go around…

I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know

I’m not blonde. – Dolly Parton

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Short Funny Quotes About Life

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. – Robert A. Heinlein

There is no elevator to success – you have to take the stairs.

It’s Friday today and all I have planned for tonight is drinking and drinking. Oh and, did I mention drinking?

The older you get, the better you get, unless you are a banana.

Constant change is here to stay.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. – W. C. Fields

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. – Jackie Collins

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. – Lily Tomlin

Funny Quotes About Life In General

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? – Steven Wright

~ Born to be wild – live to outgrow it. – Lao Tzu

~For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed. – Clifton Fadiman

~Life is just one damned thing after another. – Elbert Hubbard

~After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say, “I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!” – William S. Burroughs

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. – Woody Allen

~ Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. – William Shakespeare

~ Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about. – Sam Ewing

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Funny Quotes About Life In General

~I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it. – Charles Schulz

We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public. – Bryan White

~ Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. – George Bernard Shaw

~ Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. – Author unknown

~ If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. – Steven Wright

“An inordinate passion for pleasure is the secret to remaining young.” – Oscar Wilde

“One day, you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.” – Paulo Coelho

“Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves.” – Henry David Thoreau

“You cannot control how you feel, but you can always choose how you act.” – Mel Robbins

“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.” – C.G. Jung

Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

Sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people.–Elizabeth Green

You’ve got to invest in the world, you’ve got to read, you’ve got to go to art galleries, you’ve got to find out the names of plants. You’ve got to start to love the world and know about the whole genius of the human race. We’re amazing people.–Vivienne Westwood

Life isn’t fair. A fair’s a place where you eat corn dogs and ride the ferris wheel.–Jennifer Brown

You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things.–Jamie Tworkowski

You have to believe in yourself. That’s the secret.–Charlie Chaplin“

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Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. –Henry David Thoreau

Never chase love, affection, or attention. However, if it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.–Unknown“

Sometimes rejection in life is really redirection.–Tavis Smiley

How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour and with that one, is what we are doing. –Annie Dillard“

Nothing will ruin your twenties more than thinking you should already have your life together.–Unknown

Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in your life, and your behavior decides who stays in your life.–Ziad K. Abdelnour “

Embrace the glorious mess that you are.–Elizabeth Gilbert

The coolest thing is when you don’t care about being cool.–Rick Owens

Funny Quotes Video

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ramosjuniorus-blog · 6 years