#MormonLogic

[thexmoffice]

Holding the priesthood is the only thing a man needs to attract a woman.

S. W. Kimball explained that "almost any [two Mormons] can have happiness and a successful marriage" if they followed his simplistic religious formula. This bad advice alone has caused an untold amount of misery. (See https://www.lds.org/ensign/1977/03/oneness-in-marriage.p11)

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Episode S1E13: Wonderful Boyfriend (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Kelly: My new boyfriend is wonderful. He's kind, charming, and has a great job.

Angela: You can only be truly happy with a loyal Dunder-Mifflin employee in a management position

[thexmoffice]

The thing that bothered me most about the “ponderize” fiasco wasn’t the corruption and attempted monetization - it was the layering on of yet one more requirement in order to qualify as a sincere saint

It’s exhausting being LDS, and my heart goes out to every member that studied the scriptures daily, and then felt inspired to add “ponderizing” to their daily regiment.

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Episode S1E12: Ponderize (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Dwight: Are you sure you don't want to place an order? Have you been studying the catalog every day? Did you remember to ponderize?

[thexmoffice]

Have any of you ever quit a job because your boss was an awful person?

Leadership lottery isn’t necessarily unique to the Mormon culture, but the thing that is unique is the eager willingness to “sustain” leaders simply because they’re leaders. Which raises the question of why are they leaders in the first place if they’re not actually qualified for the job?

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Episode S1E11: Sustain My Boss (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Roy: Your boss is a racist, sexist, ignorant idiot

Pam: Well, I sustain my leaders

[thexmoffice]

Amidst real estate and tax-evasion scandals, this is TSCC’s only possible response

I’m so glad some people and organizations are dedicated enough to fight this fight. Laie is an interesting place, with so much prime real estate being used for such a variety of things. So few mormons know the extent of what is going on, but surely at some point it will be obvious.

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Episode S1E13: Real Estate Press Statement (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Reporter: How do you respond to allegations of tax fraud and shady real estate practices?

Michael: Our company handbook is the most correct book on earth and the keystone of our corporate success

[thexmoffice]

I literally died when my bishop scolded me for taking everything in the Book of Mormon too literally

This is a big problem with any holy text. If the lay person can’t tell which parts are literal, and which parts are figurative, and there’s no clear way to distinguish, how can it be true.

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Episode S1E10: Literal Handbook (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Michael: Handbook Part 5 recommends three 15 minute smoke breaks / But Part 12 forbids more than two 20 minute snack breaks

Toby: Stop taking part 5 so literally

[thexmoffice]

Putting this here since TSCC decided to stop doing “Weekend at Bernie’s”

I lived through the years when ETB was incapacitated and it was quite ridiculous. The exmo community has been saying TSM is incompetent for a long time, but maybe now even the TBMs will have to admit it?

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Episode S1E07: CEO Dementia (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Roy: Your CEO has dementia and is completely unable to lead the company

Pam: He's still the leader because he was called by The Board

[thexmoffice]

Does TSCC really think they are the only option?

In a tough economy, companies really do have the ability to trap employees in a bad situation. TSCC continues with this lie when in fact there are myriad options when you leave the church.

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Episode S1E08: Where will you go? (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Michael: If you leave Dunder-Mifflin / WHere will you go? Who will employ you?

[thexmoffice]

How is this any different than Moroni’s Promise?

I think one of the most troubling things I was taught was that Satan can imitate all the feelings of the spirit including a burning in the bosom. Supposedly the only feeling he couldn't imitate is peace. But the burning bosom was also supposed to be a sign of feeling the spirit. How the hell were we supposed to know which supernatural being we were being influenced by?

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Episode S1E06: Peanut Butter Promise (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Angela: Every single invoice number on this form is wrong / And it smells like peanut butter

Kevin: But I get a good feeling when I smell the form / So I know that it is true

[thexmoffice]

Fake it 'til you make it?

I once confided to my mission president that I didn't really feel like I had a strong testimony. He counseled me that a testimony grows from bearing it. In retrospect he was basically telling me to lie until I believed the lie.

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Episode S1E09: Testify of Quality (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Pam: Is it true we have the best quality?

Andy: You'll know it's true after you testify to the customer that it's true

[thexmoffice]

Do you feel cheated that TSCC fudges the membership numbers?

As a TBM I was so excited to be part of a growing church. As each new milestone was met I felt like I personally had had a big accomplishment. So it doesn’t feel good to hear about the sleazy accounting tricks they used to intentionally mislead us.

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Episode S1E02: 158 Clients (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Jim: You claim to have the fastest growing caseload / But of your "158 clients" most haven't bought any paper in the last decade

Dwight: What matters is I have more than you / And numbers do not lie

[thexmoffice]

Episode S1E01: Fourteen-Year Old Personal Secretary (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Michael: Your daughter is a few months shy of 15? / She’d be perfect as my personal secretary.

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[thexmoffice]

Which of you has the record for the shortest time after introducing someone to the church for the first time, before getting a successful baptismal commitment? 45 minutes might not be impressive.

On my mission we had a zone meeting once about how someone can be fully ready to be baptized if they've read 1st Nephi. Supposedly all the most important teachings are in 1st Nephi. In retrospect they were just trying to justifying rushing investigators through who knew none of the meat of what they were committing to.

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Episode S1E04: 45 Minutes Leads to Lifelong Commitment (from Season 1: Mormon Logic At The Office)

Dwight: I know you only heard about Dunder-Mifflin 45 minutes ago / But I’m going to need you to make a lifelong commitment<</p>

[thexmoffice]

Season 1 - Mormon Logic In The Office

This is an alternate Office, where all the cast are Mormon.

In Season 1, it's a pretty normal office setting, except everyone starts using “Mormon Logic”. Lots of people use flawed logic all the time, so it's not particularly unusual, but it would still be better if people would think critically.