#My s1 notes were a lot more meta commentary

[macgyvertape]

Shadow & Bone s2 thoughts

S1 of shadow and bone was a surprise favorite show; I’ve rewatched it a lot as something to watch when I’m cooking or wanted something familiar and comfortable.

After last season I tried reading the books; I didn’t finish Seige and Storm because I kept negatively comparing book Alina, Mal, and Darkling to their show versions. I did like the Six of Crows series but have no interest in the other books. So I’ve got a vague idea on the plot points unlike when I watched s1 

Oh I really like the map to cgi city transitions, and the wanted posters as establishing shots for storyline transitions

Sturmhond meeting the Crows like this, this is so much more fun than the book intro of him

I don’t remember seeing Jasper’s gun misfire in s1 or see gifsets of him fixing it.

Tolya and Tamar get a cool intro camera pan and theyre both really hot

Huh Darkling intro very different than the book, honestly he comes off as someone who spent a bit too much time alone by himself than menacing

How come in pirate clothes Sturmhond becomes the most baby faced of the cast

Love Alina’s stag antler embroidery dress, I’d love to wear a dress with that kind of neckline

Having one of Kaz’s plans go wrong and it not be something he accounts for, really ups the tension and makes Pekka Rollins a threat, and he’s actually more threatening than the Darkling. Wolf mask guy is just a creep, the costume kinda felt out of place

I expected the flying ship look more aerodynamic and either there’s a lot more flying ships or the show really glossed over them being repaired after being totaled because it needed characters to move around in ways they didn’t in the book

“Who do you want standing in that door when the lion gets hungry” then cut to a taxidermied lion. Lmao fun transition

This is one of the shows where I find basically all of the main cast attractive, very much including Inej in a knife fight

“All that matters is we know what’s real” with a political engagement, damn this is so much better than the YA jealousy drama of the books

OFMD AND S&B, edgy dude after his love abandons him starts cutting off the digits of the people who drove the breakup 

Rip to Matthias because the show didn’t seem to know what to do with him, I enjoy his plotline much more than s1 but its because he has such low screentime

The costume budget and workmanship is so good this show as it covers so many different styles and cultural influences

Bloody beaten up Kaz threatening as he gets his long awaited revenge is fucking incredible top moment of the season, especially because for Pekka “but for me, it was a Tuesday” he just couldn’t remember 

Genya’s really going through it this season and characters mistreating her is a more understandable and relatable evil than vague war crimes. “I should be your greatest shame!” and “ask me how I did it” she gets some great moments

Mal’s capture then causal return felt like an awkward plot point, like it shows up here because maybe it happened in the book

Huh for a major season 1 character and a global Big Bad threat the Darkling really isn’t getting much material this season, he just sits around and broods in a dark room while his underlings who wear lots of eyeshadow (to show they’re evil) do things. Like early on in the season he seemed sick but then he isn’t, then he just gives up all his action items about Grisha revolution to chase after Alina

Actually very curious about how much screentime Kaz’s dead brother gets vs the Darkling lmao

I didn’t realize at the height difference between Kaz and Inej until she hallucinated them almost hooking up. Eps 4-8 I watched playing a drinking game of take a drink for every romantic moment

The show really contrasted The Disciple and Neyar have such a good relationship compared to whatever the fuck toxic parent child relationship of Baghra and Aleksander 

Great that the Darkling and Mal can interact and bonus its in some weird fucked up way (dead peoples bones), there isn’t enough of that in fandom or canon 

The final battle has basically no tactics just people running around for cool dramatic timing, especially the Crows fighting in the frontlines

Darkling died in this show like he lived in s2, anti-climatically standing around downbad for Alina

Tbh there’s a lot of sex that could be done with gloves and clothes on 

Lmao where is Feydor he didn’t appear at all

Things I didn’t expect: David being killed off early RIP, Alina not losing her powers and faking her death to live with Mal but instead this weird non emotional breakup, and Zoya to not get more character backstory

Think it's interesting the contrast of the bee highlighted by the camera during the Darkling’s funeral as a subtle hint to the Elizaveta plotline vs the last few minutes throwing in: Jurda Parem, Nikolai’s shadow monster infection, a future war with Fjerda, Alina using shadows, all as continuation bait if it gets another season 

Verdict: enjoyable season 2, I’m so glad this season got about 15 minutes more per episode so it could cover the full Grisha trilogy in case it gets the infamous netflix s2 cancel. Still a favorite show because its  the perfect mix of drama, romance, and just enough writing cracks for fun AUs. The show covered a lot in the 8 hours with a fast moving plot that I watched over 2 days, so I’m very curious how my opinion of plot points will change with distance and reading others perspectives 

[thegirlwholied]

I definitely feel you on the superhero show lightning for spn - i think partially this happened to make it as commercially available as possible where it wasn't too "edgy", and I guess as someone who stopped watching during season 10 (i only caught up a few months ago), I didn't notice the change until you mentioned it. I think I thought it up to be because of the years that passed, and the changes in equipment, but it's definitely very noticeable that it became very bland to watch

Interesting thought on making it more commercially available ~ my assumption was so many of the fans who came to Supernatural late did so through it becoming available on streaming services, so were getting into its gritty early vibe, *but* that’s not necessarily what the showrunners intended. I fell off regularly watching somewhere mid-season 6; I watched Dean’s arc with Lisa & soulless!Sam, & I don’t remember it being instantly brighter post-Kripke.  

(Also, I tend to forget how fantastically *scary* the early episodes were until a rewatch. Sometimes I’ll think ‘oh it was just because I was young’ but fairly recently I started the scarecrow episode from s1 as I didn’t remember it, and I very quickly nope’d out, my 2020 nerves were not up for it!). 

I wound up going down a brief search on this & it seems Kim Manners, who passed away in 2009, deserves a lot of the credit for early Supernatural’s look & feel:

https://www.rogerebert.com/chazs-blog/an-ode-to-supernatural

And what an ode: “Manners' influence on “Supernatural” cannot be measured: he cared about beauty, cinema, emotion...  It took Kim Manners and Serge Ladouceur combined to figure out how to film these men in a way that elevated them, mythologized them. You could see how on another show, they would just be cast as good-looking hunks, no different from any other good-looking hunk. But on "Supernatural," they are mythic and iconic.”

(Honestly, in the lighting on last night’s episode... they looked a little more good-looking hunk to me than mythic & iconic. Not a critique of their acting or their looks! Just the lighting! Where is my chiaroscuro?!)

The writing played it more like they were superheroes, imho, too. 

Even if proving it wrong, calling out “Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer” (from God!) is extremely dramatic & a far cry from what I remember of season 5, where he’s meant to be Michael’s host but once he’s turned that down he’s otherwise just a guy, only a regular guy with a car and not even a magic gun anymore, up against two archangels whose battle will scorch the earth whose main ability to stand in their way is just stubbornness & love of his brother... yeah I miss that. 

I saw both The French Mistake and the episode this season where they lose their plot armor, & even though I enjoy meta commentary (I *loved* The Monster at the End of this Book which introduced Chuck)... those both kind of lost me in terms of undermining the very pinnings of the show. 

And this is a personal taste thing: setting. Shows with supernatural elements have a choice: alternate universe, or the masquerade. With the masquerade, they’re never *really* our world, but that’s the fun of it, keeping up that veneer. It’s Buffy v. True Blood. 

Buffy’s supposed to be in our world, though it stretched it more & more to the point where you’re like ‘yeah, this entire town singing would be worldwide news’, but it pretty much held onto that veneer through its entire run: the idea that there are vampires & worse things operating in the shadows of our world, & one girl in all the world, throughout our real history, is sent to fight them. True Blood is a unique example because it plays with the idea of the masquerade: hey, vampires were in hiding through most of history, but they’ve come out of the coffin & the world is dealing! Superhero shows, comics, etc., are usually firmly alternate universes in the same way. Superheroes have emerged, or always been around, and this is the world dealing with them.

Early Supernatural is a masterful example of the masquerade, Men in Black style: ‘All those urban legends in our real world? They’re real.’ These guys are combing our tabloids & driving through small towns that might look a lot like yours, fighting on local levels. & even with the Four Horsemen breaking loose in season 5, the main point where you’re like ‘well, obviously, these worldwide headlines aren’t in our world’, it kept up the masquerade Buffy-style. ...Until the French Mistake, which played with ‘angels don’t have power in the real world, the viewer’s world, the tabloids don’t have evidence of real monsters’-  which *still* wasn’t really our world because they were playing joke versions of themselves. And so essentially it hit the note of *none of these supernatural elements/urban legends/higher powers actually exist in your world at all, viewers!*. It just kind of marred the fun of it a little for me, the ‘imagine they’re out there’ of the early seasons. 

I just happen to like supernatural setting commitment: it’s a masquerade? awesome. It’s an alternate universe? Great. The entire premise begins with a masquerade being broken? Cool. ...break the rules and fundamentally change what type of setting we’re in...? I respect mixing it up, but I’ve never found that type of shift to be to my taste.

Similar with tone/aesthetic. At some point the showrunners decided to start pulling back on that filter and decided for the semi-finale, “let there be light!” & good for the characters to get some sunshine ~ I just miss the #aesthetic of the supernatural shadows. Hope the true finale gives us a few for the road.

[segernatural]

Char, firstly please accept all of these hearts for that ask that made me smile so much: 💕💞💓💗💖. Secondly, I love your long tags on spn posts so much. You’re always so articulate and smart! I’m rewatching the show at the moment (got up to around 10/11 when I was watching it as it aired) and it’s been a trip and a half. I’m nearing the end of season 3 so I’m very excited to see a certain angel soon. I was wondering if you’ve watched the whole thing or you’re still getting through it and if so how far you are at the moment? I’m enjoying getting back into it a lot more than I thought, like there are moments that fall a little flat but also good moments! Dean is definitely still more interesting and likable next to Sam for me, I’ve found. Have a good day, my friend! ☺️💕

Aww nina! I'm so glad that it made you smile😊 we always have such wonderful interactions that i was like 'nina wants to know why i follow her? Time to send some love!' 💛💛

I really do appreciate that you take the time to read my little essays in the tags! They're a lot of fun for me to write--i tend to have a lot of thoughts on things, and you saying that they come across as articulate and smart really warms my heart :D i try my best!

Wowie you're going through the rewatch fast! I 100% get that feeling of being excited to see Thee Boi. He's wonderful, and Lazarus Rising is an amazing episode.

I'll let you in on a bit of a secret: i hadn't watched spn at all until the craziness that was November 5th. There's a few layers to that though. I have been a part of online culture since like, 2013, so due to cross-fandom contamination, i've been aware of supernatural for a very long time. In fact, when i heard it was having its final season, i vowed that i would check in on the fandom after every episode--to pay my respects, in a way. This fandom is responsible for trailblazing a lot of what fandom exists like today, so i wanted to check in and see how folks were doing.

Which means, while i had little context, i was around for the big moments of season 15. i felt the highs and lows, just not as deeply. I didnt even know its final eps got delayed, until the night of november 5th when the world was holding its breath.

Thee scene was my first ever spn scene. And it was such a ride to be a part of the experience of that night--i had heard theories and things from the show, but i was like i *have* to know how it got there. Bc i couldnt believe (in a good way!) that fans were right.

Bee and i had a breakdown over it all--and we kind of havent stopped 😂 i ended up watching both 15x19 and 15x20 *live on television* despite not seeing the 325 episodes that preceded them.

I wrote meta before even watching a full episode.

And that christmas, i decided that i was gonna commit to watching the whole show. Bee's doing a rewatch, whereas i'm seeing it all for the first time.

I take copious amounts of notes while watching--screenshots, commentary, quotes, the whole deal. And it has been an absolutely fascinating show. I'm not really a horror person--ive never seen a horror movie. Early seasons spn is not a show that i would normally watch, but because im paying such close attention and taking apart the layers, it has been a lot of fun. Ive been genuinely having a great time. It's so interesting to know bits and pieces of this show--plot points, scenes, characters--by cultural osmosis by being in an online space, that i know some of what happens next, despite never actually seeing it.

As to where i've gotten? We're at the season 4 finale tonight!

There's something about all three of our main guys that fascinates me--although i am a self-admitted dean-coded casgirl. Currently we've got all the actors giving it their all, which just makes the characters so compelling. Jackles throws his heart into dean from the get-go, which instantly made me very intrigued by his character, and s1 doesn't do a lot with sam, other than he's kind of there. S2 and 3 sam is really, really interesting, and he shines in episodes like Roadkill and Heart, along with Memory Spot. There are aspects of sam that i definitely relate to, and i really like him! I also, unfortunately, have eyes, and cannot look past how awful his hair was in 1-3, and the 2005 styling of the wardrobe was not good 😂 we've gotten to better hair but he still can't dress himself.

Dean is a fascinating character. He's a walking contradiction that shouldn't be as compelling as he is, but jackles does a fantastic job at piecing together this man that is intricate and understandable. As sort of implied by the self-diagnosed 'dean-coding', i feel like i have a grasp on how he thinks and operates, which means i am with him on every decision he makes. It all makes so much sense. Even if it hurts. His hurt strikes me to my core. Also, the wardrobe team doesn't usually do dean dirty, and jackles pretty, so,,, 😂

I've only just started to truly get to know cas, but his ideologies in the show conflict so much with the boys' and its just fascinating to watch. Its an opposing side, in a lot of ways, but its a very rational one. And getting to watch him fall for the first time, while knowing the Truth, is incredible. Misha is phenomenal as cas, and i can't wait for more. I love our lil gay angel. He is Thee Boi. Amazing. 11/10.

I could talk about this for ages, clearly 😂

I'm glad you've gotten into the show again! It truly has been a mindblowing experience to go "wait. The show did that. Really?!?" And have the rest of the fandom go "yeah! They did!" And to fully realize how not exaggerated any of their thoughts are. Its literal text in the show, that the network and writers try to avoid. Like. I get it now. I one thousand percent understand why people shipped and continue to ship dean and cas FROM THE FIRST EPISODE with them together. It's electric.

Ok i was gonna stop and then i got going again 😂

Thank you for this lovely ask nina! I wish you the best day as well :D 💛

[safflowerseason]

1/4 hi! i started watching the oc for the first time a few weeks ago (late to the party, obviously, but i was a bit busy being a baby when it first aired) and reading through your posts has been a lot of fun! i’ve been putting off continuing s4 because i don’t want it to be over, so i went back and watched the first few episodes again instead. something that struck me was how marissa is really into pop culture in the first episode (into punk music, ‘on the road’ is her favourite book)

2/4 which never seems to be explored beyond the pilot. just something i noticed! ryan’s character also seems very different in the first few episodes, and not just in a ‘he evolved as a character’ way. through the seasons, he’s sort of stereotyped as the typical brooding bad boy, and he IS, to some extent, but he talks a lot more at the start? and then there’s his whole unprompted talk about social security running out when he meets sandy in ep1, because ‘he read an article about it’.

3/3 (whoops) i don’t know where i’m going with this rant (it really is a rant, sorry! i would really like to hear your thoughts, though), but i guess i’m sort of disappointed. i enjoyed watching a lot, but looking back, i wish they would’ve kept more of their initial personalities, rather than being reduced to stereotypes later in the season(s). i hope this made sense :)

Hi! Thanks so much for writing in! It’s been a while now since the heights of the Marissa Discourse™️ on my blog, but I always love hearing commentary about the show. (I also forgive you for making me feel very, very old, as I was distinctly not a baby when The OC was first airing). 

In general, I think you’re right that there is a pretty discernable tonal shift in the show after the first seven episodes. I love the first seven episodes of the show--if someone could only watch a limited amount of The OC, I would recommend those seven. The characters are specifically drawn, the contrasts between each character is clear and distinct, the plot is tight, and the show’s sense of place is never stronger (the only downside is that Summer and Julie get short shrift, and also the Kirsten/Jimmy sublot is still a thing). For me, this shift essentially coincides with the introduction of Harbor as a primary setting for the teen drama. Marissa goes from being silent angry punk Marissa to Marissa the social butterfly, and I’ve written elsewhere that I don’t think the show ever manages to square the two sides of her personality. There’s a pretty striking difference between Marissa in the pilot and Marissa in the later seasons, and while of course she undergoes a lot of trauma during the show, none of it is ever really explored in a way that might explain these shifts (and of course, I suspect it’s really an issue of the character evolving to suit the needs of the writers as they were figuring out what kind of show The OC would be for the long haul). 

That’s funny you note that Ryan talks more in the earliest episodes of the show...I actually think he doesn’t talk very much?? At least in the pilot (except for his monologue about Social Security and his fight with his mom), compared to later. (Ironically, this is part of what makes the pilot so great in my opinion, all the silent acting Ben McKenzie and Mischa Barton are doing...) Especially in the first half of S1, Ryan spends a lot of time reacting and so he talks a little less than he does later, when he feels more comfortable in his new setting. That’s just my opinion though! And one of my pet peeves in S2 is that the show goes far too meta and starts substituting the character tropes--Seth is funny! Ryan is brooding!--for actual character, which I think relates to your overall point. To be fair, I think a lot of shows fall into this trap over time--the characters become less nuanced as the writers are trying to squeeze more and more plot out of them. At the same time, I would argue that The OC’s ultimate problem was bad plotting, not necessarily character (yes, the two are linked, but if I had to rank them..) The writers never figured out Marissa (and to a lesser extent, Kirsten and Caleb), which is obviously a huge problem, but they had a remarkably clear handle on most of the other characters, at least in the first season. (As I’ve said before, all my OC takes can be reduced down to “The pilot is the best episode, the first season is prestige TV, everyone choked for S2.”)

[wheatbeats]

2018 is over and I feel compelled to write a retrospective of sorts, but since I don’t feel like talking about myself I’m gonna talk about Every Anime (Series) I Watched in 2018. Each one comes with a numerical rating out of 10 and a short blurb of what I thought about it.

Recovery of an MMO Junkie - 9/10 - Incredibly sweet and heartfelt, with mature adult characters who act as such. Drama and comedy both are mined from real issues rather than petty miscommunication, and is all the more compelling for it.

Land of the Lustrous - 10/10 - A delightfully unique setting with an enrapturing story and fantastically constructed characters. The moments of levity and sweetness only serve to make the deeply engrained sadness and loneliness more poignant. The CGI animation is shockingly gorgeous, and a triumph of the medium.

Kino’s Journey: The Beautiful World (2018) - 5/10 - Certainly entertaining in spots, but ultimately rings rather hollow. Not really an improvement on the original in any respect.

Princess Principal - 8/10 - An absolutely gorgeous setting brimming with atmosphere and style, and a fun ensemble cast. The series-wide arc is a little hard to follow or understand, but each individual episodic plot is really enjoyable and engaging.

The Vision of Escaflowne - 8/10 - A well-built fantasy that’s occasionally ridiculous but never not fun. The new dub is really slick and helps the series go down nice and smooth.

A Place Further Than the Universe - 10/10 - Extraordinarily sweet, earnest and heartfelt. Deftly written, smartly directed, and masterfully executed. I cried really hard, a lot. 

Tsuredure Children - 8/10 - Cute, ridiculous, and eminently relatable. If you’ve ever had a crush, you’re bound to identify with at least one character in this series.

From the New World - 5/10 - Had a glimmer of potential, but mostly ended up fake deep, poorly paced, and fucking ugly to look at. The more I thought about this series the less I realized I enjoyed it.

The Ancient Magus’ Bride - 5/10 - An extraordinarily promising start that’s disappointingly squandered by wildly inconsistent tone, static plots, nonsensical character arcs, excessive cliffhangers, and hollow stakes.

Princess Tutu - 10/10 - An expertly built deconstruction of fairy tales as well as a sweeping, gorgeous love note to ballet, classical music, and romantic storybook heroism. Wonderfully intricate plotting and stunning character work, a true gem.

Kaiba - 8/10 - Brilliantly unique and emotionally engrossing, if not a bit obscure and hard to follow at times. You never have, and probably never will again, see an anime quite like this.

Girls’ Last Tour - 7/10 - Deeply atmospheric and sometimes quite poignant, but also dreadfully, awfully, agonizingly slow.

Haven’t You Heard? I’m Sakamoto - 9/10 - A smooth and even mix between laughable absurdity and actual real emotional stakes. Somehow, I feel like I learned something about myself.

Megalobox - 8/10 - Briskly paced and action-packed, but by far the biggest draw is a classic 90s aesthetic reminiscent of pre-digital legends like Cowboy Bebop. This series lives and breathes style.

Legend of the Galactic Heroes: Die Neue These - 6/10 - Would have the potential to be interesting if it wasn’t so hollow and boring. I wanted to get more engaged in the politics of this complicated war, but the plot is held at arms length and the characters are more like walking philosophy textbooks than actual people. That said, the ship designs are pretty cool.

Hinamatsuri - 10/10 - Sweet, pure-hearted, and gut-bustingly funny. Any moment I wasn’t laughing until my sides hurt, I was near to tearing up from actually caring about these characters so much. Each episode was a joy and I loved every second of it.

Golden Kamuy (S1) - 7/10 - Absurd, charming, and goofy, with a surprising amount of gore. Seems to care more about food than plot, but I’m kind of into it.

Revolutionary Girl Utena - 9/10 - Brilliantly dense, symbolic, and metaphorical. Sometimes hard to understand, sometimes hard to watch, but always excellent.

Dragon Pilot: Hisone & Masotan - 7/10 - Gorgeously animated and undeniably charming, but still a little awkward, garbled, and uncomfortable at times. The most earnest vore anime I’ve ever watched.

Steins;Gate 0 - 4/10 - A total, utter, crushing disappointment. Follows up a spectacular prequel with a nonsensical, contrived plot, inaccurate characters, and piss-poor visuals. This series is only carried by its relationship to the original. I will never trust again.

Princess Jellyfish - 7/10 - Charming, varied characters populating an unfulfilling narrative.

The Big O - 6/10 - Plenty of goofy, stylish fun, but slowly devolves into an inscrutable, incomprehensible mess. R. Dorothy Wayneright is the best part of this series by far. Roger Smith is a louse.

Aggretsuko - 7/10 - Fun and relatable, if a bit simple. 

TOP 3

3. Hinamatsuri - This series came totally out of left field for me. I usually don’t emotionally respond to comedies very well but this one somehow hit all the right buttons. None of the humor was mean-spirited or put anyone down, the situations were absurd but didn’t cripple me with secondhand embarrassment, and on top of it all I really started to care about the cast. I wish I could get surprised like this more often.

2. Land of the Lustrous - As you can tell if you’ve been following me at all recently, this series has been absolutely consuming me from the moment I watched it. The plot is gripping and excellently paced, and I don’t know if I’ve ever been invested in another main character quite as much as Phos. It’s plenty easy to get wrapped up in thinking about the plot and the character arcs and the meta, but then when I go back and watch the series again I’m shocked by how good it is on a technical level, too. The CG animation is beyond gorgeous and the technical grace of each scene, the pacing, the colors, the music, the character animation, the voice acting, are all stellar. If this anime had more of an ending it would absolutely be my number 1 pick, but for now I just have to read the manga (AS SHOULD YOU, YOU COWARDS. IT’S EVERY BIT AS GOOD AS THE ANIME).

1. Princess Tutu - I, like many people, I think, reacted with derision at the title of this series, but by the time I was done I was completely blown away, and every time I thought about it more I was even more shocked. Every inch of this series shows some of the smartest construction I’ve ever seen in fiction, every layer is filled with stylistic flourish, brilliant writing, and metatextual commentary. You can dig as deep as you want and Princess Tutu will always have something to offer you. It’s been less than a year, I’ve already watched it twice, and I’m still discovering new things about it. A story this brilliant would be a once in a lifetime experience on its own, but Tutu is fulfilling on the surface level, too. Even if you’re not diving deep into what the series means you can still be just as enraptured by the characters. Fakir probably has the best redemption arc this side of Prince Zuko, and I could sing the praises of every other major cast member. And the music, the music! I was doomed from the start the moment I heard both The Nutcracker and Pictures at an Exhibition in the score. Princess Tutu takes some of the greatest masterpieces of western art music and builds off them, creating a sense of atmosphere as deep and vast and dramatic as the finest opera or ballet could ever be. Princess Tutu is one of the greatest works of fiction I’ve ever consumed, and absolutely the best I’ve watched this year.

BOTTOM THREE

3. From the New World - Immediately after I stopped watching this series I actually sort of thought I’d liked it, and I think the reason for this is because From the New World tries its very best to engage in ideas a bit deeper and more ambiguous than a lot of other anime do. But the more I thought about it, the more I disliked this series. Everything about the plot was confusing and off-putting, I didn’t find the characters particularly charming, and perhaps most of all, this series is butt-ugly. It might have a high score of MAL. but my advice is to give this series a hard pass.

2. The Ancient Magus’ Bride - I wanted to like this series so fucking bad. I fell in love with the prequel OVA and waited anxiously for each new installment to come out. I even bought tickets to my local Artsy Fartsy Theater to see the first three episodes when the screened there. And I liked them! Finally, an anime engaged in Celtic and English mythology, some of my favorites, and a protagonist with a truly gripping internal struggle. I was certain from the very first moment that this series would sit in my Top 10 list, and that Chise would be one of my favorite protagonists ever. And then it... didn’t happen. As the episodes unfolded I was treated to a series that had no idea how to establish or maintain stakes, how to relate its two main characters to each other, or how to use the wealth of mythology it was referencing and drawing from. How am I supposed to care when Chise gets stabbed in the chest every 2 episodes and then just kind of shrugs it off for the sake of drama? How am I supposed to be interested in the mythology when it’s all just watered-down fantasy archetypes with giant boobs? Don’t even get me started on the main villain. I feel very betrayed by this series and honestly I’m still bitter.

1. Steins;Gate 0 - This series is as much a lesson in betrayal as Ancient Magus’ Bride, but I think this one stings worse because it’s preceded by Steins;Gate, and anime I love dearly. I sincerely believe that the original Steins;Gate is one of the best anime ever produced, and this sequel struggles to live up to even a single aspect of it. As it began I was hopeful- I liked the darker tone, I liked the idea of a story within a failed timeline. But as I kept watching, I realized something awful: I was bored. All of the charm and intrigue was gone. The characters were all acting different, all looked different (why are all the girls wearing skintight winter coats? Why have their chests all inflated three sizes??), and there was no impetus for the plot. Steins;Gate was driven by simple goals; in the first half, it was to build a time-leap machine. In the second half, it was to save Mayuri. In Steins;Gate 0 the impetus is to... watch Okabe be sad. Hope he gets less sad. There’s nothing to keep the plot moving, and this listlessness was so overwhelming that the random bits of unforeshadowed action and unprecedented (for this franchise) violence felt cheap and confusing after the doldrums we just sat through. By the time the plot finally, finally, picks up towards the final quarter of the series, the damage is done. I don’t care anymore, I can’t figure out what’s going on, and I’m just so done with a franchise I used to love. One day I’ll go back and rewatch the original Steins;Gate and remind myself why I cared so much, but for now I’m nursing wounds. If you say the name “Kagari” in my presence, I’ll probably blitz the fuck out.

Here’s to a good 2019!

[amwritingmeta]

13x01: Full Episode Deconstruction

What am I supposed to say here? Sincerely, what? How can I even begin to create a coherent commentary on this episode when the imagery in my head is the entire crew with their balls out? *prostrates myself on the floor again* *fighting back tears of ever more resilient hope* *because them balls are so beautiful, babes*

I mean, if this isn’t balls out then I don’t know what is. And what the fuck does balls out even mean in the first place? 

It means the narrative tying back to the first act, which is S1-3. But they’re bound to - and have so done - do callbacks to the start of the second act as well, which is S4-5. 

I believe they’ll be picking and choosing to do callbacks to all the most memorable moments because this final stretch of the road is all about pulling the curtain back and revealing what the show really is all about, what the narrative has really been trying to tell us all along, moving us into an ending that feels surprising and yet wholly inevitable. 

Meaning the narrative is wrapping up and is singing its last note as it hurtles down the highway towards positive endgame. So far the sound of that note is a thing of epic proportion and we only have the first episode.

*light sheen of sweat on my brow*

So, here we go, upwards and onwards with this review. 

Let me tell you, firmly, that we screamed, we ( @margarittet @bluestar86 @tinkdw ) all screamed out loud as soon as the first notes of Nothing Else Matters started playing. 

Anyone who has seen the S12 recap reel that they released during SDCC this summer will have been screaming their heads off as well, because that reel was all about family and love and it was so CasDean/DeanCas/Destiel heavy that one cannot even begin to fathom the joy it’s brought all summer long. 

And here they go and use the song again (well, as Saz pointed out, now that they’ve got the rights why wouldn’t they?) but also we were just amazeballed in our eye sockets at the reveal that it was the chosen opening song and omfg we were four seconds in and already we could just tell that this. Was going. To be. Epic.

And fuck me I barely even know where to begin. So I’ll follow the above comment on the opening  music mind-melt with… the first scene, I guess. Feels a bit boring and standard since so much meta has already been published but, oh well, can’t be galloping on the back of a unicorn over the rainbow in every post.

…….. Can you?

No. Okay, no. Keeping it neat and tidy. Scene by scene, blow by blow —> off we go.

1. “Father?”

I have a feeling this season is going to be about fatherhood.

That’s totally sarcasm, because we all knew this season was going to be about fatherhood. Dabb has stated it on more than one occasion. Here’s our first introduction to Jack and glowy daddy devil eyes fade and give way for confusion almost immediately, which made me do a little dance and almost make a little love to poor Tink sat beside me on the sofa.

Yes, we knew he was going to be a blank slate but actually seeing it, seeing ALL of this episode play itself out, still gave shockwaves of pure awe. There he is. It’s Jack! Pleasure to meet you, finally.

2. Ummmmmmmmmmm no

I mean YES. Because oh my God, look at his wings on the ground. They’re too magnificent for words. (yes @magnificent-winged-beast that’s a nod to you) (a sad one) And Dean’s face. Look at Dean’s faaaaaaaace. And how it shifts from utter disbelief, like he can’t even compute, like, no, this isn’t supposed to happen, this isn’t right, and into focus at the reason for it and what can be done about it. It’s like he’s looking at Cas thinking How…? Why…? And then his brain clicks and all he can think is Nephilim.

(what is sort of horrifying to think about is that, to Dean, Jack is a baby - Dean doesn’t know that Jack’s all growed up...)

Tink has been banging her drum for this moment of Dean pulling his gun and running up to scare the bejesus out of Jack since May. I think I might’ve given her a bruise from screaming YES and shaking her by the arm. :P

3. Visual Manifestation of Power

Sam is Sam is SAM. God, I love Sam so much throughout this entire episode. He’s so Sam. That’s a shitty comment, but seriously, he IS SO SAM. Compassionate and logical. I believe this season is going to be so good to Sam and he’s already stepping into those Leader Sam boots.

As ever, Dabb uses a scene with efficiency and establishes a lot of things for us here.

Jack has a mission - he wants his father and needs to find him. Jack’s eyes glowing throughout the scene tells us that, no matter how calming Sam is trying to be, Jack hasn’t begun to trust him yet, and then Dean barges in, gun drawn, spots those glowing eyes, takes aim and fires off a shot. So the instinct of self-preservation takes over and Jack’s powers manifest.

The visual of Jack’s power is so goddamn brilliantly effective, because I think we know he’s bound go dark side, and he is fucking scary here. (I hope we’re right) (we have to be right in that he’ll go dark and I can’t wait!) (I can’t wait for Dark Jack!!) He knocks the brothers out cold.

TITLE CARD: it’s so fucking beautiful, what else is there to say?

My first reaction - as I’m certain most of ours was to it - was literally holy fuck, it looks like the sun!!

The up-side-down cross with an I inside it makes me think of how I believe this season will focus on the question of identity more than ever before, based in Dean finally beginning to trust, to have faith in people outside of himself, easing up on his need for control, all of this immediate and necessary stepping stones toward him finding self-worth in realising all of his self-worth is not in being the hammer, it is just as much in being the shield. 

He can take the backseat and still be useful, appreciated and loved. 

4. Burning on the Ceiling

Dean dreams of Mary stepping between the brothers and Lucifer. 

So, this dream sequence tells me that Mary going through the rift is - to Dean - the same as her dying, killed in hellfire once again, and him unable to stop it. 

But what else does this image from the Pilot hit home? This nightmare image of Mary burning on the ceiling? What does that image represent to Dean Winchester? 

Well, it set the course for his entire life, didn’t it? Losing her again is like a sudden reset, as though perhaps that change that had begun to take hold now after 12x22 was nothing but smoke and mirrors after all and this proves it. Whatever hope Dean had begun to feel for the future was taken from him with Cas’ death, and this flashback to his helplessness as a child when watching his mother burn only underlines how all the change he’s been going through is for nothing: he’s back right where he began. There is no happy ending in the cards for him. Ever.

Mary also bookends the episode, so Dean having a nightmare about her death leads into the reveal that no, Lucifer did not kill her the moment the rift closed: she’s still alive and, moreover, Lucifer is hellbent on her staying that way.

What else will you be proven wrong about, Dean Winchester? <3

5. Does He Have Wings?

The brothers wake up and we get a closeup of Dean picking up his gun. Yeah, he won’t be deterred by some freak power show, they’ve dealt with those before, and he is clearly hellbent on finding Jack. There will be no asking first-shooting later - that kind of power isn’t messed with, it’s put down before it can kill anyone. 

The cut on Dean’s lip intrigues me. He keeps touching it, it gets worse, then heals up, and at the end of the episode Mary has a cut in the exact same place after Lucifer hits her. There’s a visually established link between Dean and Mary in this episode. She was always an incredibly strong mirror for him, so this is bound to be meaningful later on. What’s lovely is that she remains a Cas mirror as well, stuck in her own Purgatory.

6. Nature Child

I love this shot of Jack’s feet walking in earth and dried pine needles, Jack surrounded by the forest. It feels organic and non-threatening, Jack sussing out this planet of ours with every new step he takes, and it’s even a subtle link to Cas and how he loves nature.

7. Pirate Pete’s Jolly Treats

Seriously, though. Seriously. We have a fast food joint with its menu changed by a blue-eyed and dark-haired Cas-on-the-outside/Dean-on-the-inside mashup of mischievousness. There is a joyful wink here that is not even subtle anymore and there are no fucks given and I love it. Please let it continue. (I have zero doubt that it will but, as ever, I could be wronggg)

High Seas Butt Combo is probably my favourite, but the buttshake has such a nice ring to it, too.

Now, Clark is a delight whatever view you take on him. Either he’s a guy with a wicked sense of humour and buckets of self-assurance who goes wide-eyed and looks rather delighted at the sight of a naked dude - or he’s all those things and just rather amazed at a dude without a stitch of clothing repeating the word “father” into his intercom. Whatever else there is, at the very foremost, there will most likely be friendship here as it seems Clark reappears in 13x03. 

Clark calls his mom -->

8. Sheriff Barker

*insert other people’s brilliant meta on the FUCKING MUG*

The FUCKING MUG could be a plant of the place itself, that something big will happen later on in the season in the spot where the rift occurred, where Jack was born and where Cas died. Kind of a significant place to remember the name of… Then again, they could easily plant it in dialogue or just bring up “the place where Cas died” so… Very very very visual plant of that mug. Or perhaps Phil Sgriccia is selling these mugs on eBay and is making a not so subtle product placement… (goes to check eBay to immediately endorse) (I’m a sucker for a good mug)

9. “Cas is…”

Look at that big beautiful body of water (rebirth) and the mountains (knowledge) and that lone white sailboat in the middle of it. Just so pretty, if you ask me.

Dean: We still have holy oil, right? Sam: For what? Dean: ‘Cause we’re gonna have to hit him with everything we’ve got. Sam: Hold on a second. Can we just talk about what happened back there? Dean: Sure, which part? Let’s see - Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is… mom’s gone, and apparently the Devil’s kid hit puberty in thirty seconds flat. Oh, and he tried to kill us. Sam: Yeah, because you shot at him. Dean: I tried to kill the monster, Sam, it’s kinda what we do. Sam: We don’t know what he is yet, Dean, and I had it under control. Dean: I’m sorry, are you defending the son of Satan? Sam: I’m not defending anything. I’m just saying, look, with everything that’s happened I’m obviously spun out also, but we need a plan. Dean: Yeah - kill him. That’s the plan. Look, right now all that matters is finding him and ending him before he hurts anybody else. Now, once we do that we’ll figure everything else out. Sam: What about Cas? Is he really dead? Dean: You know he is.

Ohhhh Dabb, the evil man. I’m sure there’s a ton of coda after the weekend (I’ve glimpsed one or two!), but wow, Dabb left out the scene of the brothers going back outside before going after Jack, both of them standing on that sand, by Cas’ body, taking in those wings in daylight, Sam maybe just double checking for a pulse or any sign of life, Dean… well, I think he’d still be just blankly staring because it’s starting to sink in. 

Then Dean lifting Cas in his arms and bringing him inside while Sam goes and gets that sheet to cover him with. Oh, my heart. This is where that “You know he is” from Dean stems from, right? Yeah. They moved him inside and they know that there’s nothing they can do. Sam still holding out the smallest hope and Dean feeling it deep inside, that this is it. He’s lost Cas. And nothing else matters, as this entire episode demonstrates to us.

*mind* *so* *fucking* *blown*

Here’s the thing. In this my most recent long ass episode deconstruction I talk about how Castiel entering Dean’s life sets about a change, sets about a sudden need for self-examination, because Dean’s attraction to Cas is undeniable even to him and, to be honest, looking at that small smile in 4x05, he looks like he just might be in the first stages of falling in love. And the point of the love story (of any love story) is to push character progression. To make Dean need something more out of life, which will lead to him slowly daring to hope for more, because the need inside is taking over and is overriding any fear of the possible fallout.

Shooting that grenade launcher and tearing down that wall at the beginning of 12x22, which lead directly into him letting Sam go off and lead a mission before turning around and confronting/forgiving his mother, was a leap and a bound for Dean’s individual arc. What I’m getting at is that the above dialogue ties back into the image of Mary burning on the ceiling and Dean’s loss of hope. He is so fucking bitter, right? “I tried to kill the monster, Sam, it’s kinda what we do.” 

It’s like - okay, so this is my only function on this Earth: to kill. Well, then, let me kill. I’ll kill anything and right now what needs killing is this thing related to the fucking Devil. This is all I am, right? This is all I’m meant to be or meant to have.

What is so remarkable about this dialogue is that Sam is subtly, but firmly, standing his ground, just as he did in 12x20 when they had the whole Cas-isn’t-himself exchange, where Dean was spun out of his head with fear, and Sam just did not see the situation in the same light at all. Sam gets to even make the awesome statement “and I had it under control.” Fuck yes, you did, Sam - you’re in control of this situation and Dean is spiralling through his anger-fuelled denial of his grief, wanting a target to blame and having it.

I love you, Sam Winchester.

Dean’s face after he says “finding him and ending him before he hurts anybody else” is also telling of where his head is at and who that anybody else is in relation to. (yes it’s Cas who got hurt)

And then they’ll figure “everything else” out - as in what to do about Cas’ body that they left behind in that house. 

And then, of course, we get the lens flare to end all lens flares.

I mean, when the fuck has this colour not been used in a situation related to Cas and now they are fucking undeniably tying it to Cas by having it flare TO CAS’ FUCKING NAME. *they will murder us all* *balls so fucking out and dangling in all their glory*

The rest is under the cut. It got long. *smiles in friendliest manner*

10. North Cove

Take note. I have a feeling the name of this place will be on the final exams. ;)

11. Heaven Divided

Cas lying dead on a table will haunt me forever.

So they establish that there is a side of Heaven still on Cas’ side, and one side that is decidedly not.

*hands clapping ecstatically*

The Decidedly Not side calls Kelly “the brood mare”, the more Empathic Angel clearly aggravated by it. It’s established they want Jack and when the Decidedly Not angel mutters that of course Jack’s gone, looking down with something like disgusted disappointment at Cas before covering him up again, we get this expression from the Empathic Angel as Decidedly Not moves off:

Now, she actually looks smugly pleased here, right? Like she’s happy her companion doesn’t suspect what she’s really up to. I’ve no spec to add because I’ve no fucking clue what this means, but Heaven being up to old tricks doesn’t feel too far-fetched. Wether it’s tricks for the good or tricks for the worse remains to be seen. It is doubly-intriguing that the angel looking like she’s up to misbehaving is the angel empathic to Cas, thinking he “deserved better”. This expression is also linked to Jack, though, and the fact that he’s gone: is she looking pleased because Jack slipped through their fingers? Or are there bigger things afoot here… We shall just have to wait and see!

12. There Is No Such Thing as Weird

I mean, this just made my fucking day for the rest of the fucking year. My brain, my head, my soul and my heart - forever singing praises, because yes. If nothing else had given me the balls out feels, this would be the moment that I just went holy fuck they are making a fucking statement right here and right now because THIS IS WHAT THE SHOW HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT. And this made me feel they are bringing it to the forefront now. This is what this season will be dealing with: no more black and white, all of it glorious shades of grey all over. 

Honesty.

Ie. BOOM SHAKALAKA: curtain drawn back and look at the truth of us.

Sheriff Barker: There is no such thing as weird. Everyone’s normal in their own way.

I do so adore you, Andrew Dabb.

I was so happy when Jack said that Kelly is in Heaven. She sacrificed herself out of love because she had such faith in him, she felt his goodness surge through her when he saved her life, and I will continue to believe he saved her life out of the love she’d already taught him, rather than blind self-preservation - and the same when he killed Dagon. That’s why the flash he gave Kelly of Cas stepping in front of her contained the dialogue “You get away from her” rather than “You get away from them.” But I shan’t digress. I’m just happy she’s in Heaven.

And “the bad woman burned”. Dagon as representative of evil in 12x19 is no surprise, but oh my God how nice to hear Jack label her as such. He remembers the universe screamed, which is amazing exposition for his powers. 

I kind of love how there’s such an air of Jody around Sheriff Barker, and definitively a mothering energy as well. I wonder if both mother and son will be a possible addition to Wayward. It’d be such cool beans.

Clark asks Jack what he’s on and we just get Jack being Cas, wearing a tan jacket and just feeling like Cas and it’s amazing. Yeah, it is fucking amazing. And Jack’s hungry —> so fucking human. As in showing his humanity, not foreshadowing anything human for Cas!! (just to be clear)

13. Baby Is So Dirty!!

So the brothers arrive to Jolly Pete’s and it’s Sam’s idea to go check it out, while Dean is being overtly aggravated with the mere idea, right? He sends Sam in alone so that he can call Jody, which I personally think is a pretty amazing sign that the codependency is continuing on its track of crumbling into dust. After the call, Dean sits for a second, reflecting, and since he’s alone he takes the opportunity. (we know what he does - he goes around the corner and prays)

14. Sam and the Butt Combo

This is a well-written, tight piece of exposition right here, but nope, I’m leaving it for now and might come back to it another day because I love Miriam. 

On Friday we were all loving the fact that Sam spots that menu and does his Reaction Face to it - his oh, ok, so that happened face. It feels significant for this season. Especially since that menu was created by our walking, talking Cas/Dean in-on-body embodiment. 

Also, Jack has the coolest fingerprints in the history of fingerprints.

15. Elsa

Okay, so I sincerely just love this shit. Any Disney reference breathes air into my lungs and mentioning Elsa is… well, it’s fucking significant because shedding your tightly held facade to be free of the idea of what you should be, and be happy with who you’ve been all along, is kinda the point of Dean’s arc.

Now.

Miriam: I punched a wall once. Well, a poster on a wall, but same diff, right? Freshman year I had this roommate - Becky - she had this giant poster of Elsa - you know, from Frozen? And I mean, first: who brings something like that to college? A cartoon, really? Like, hello home school, right? Anyway, Becky was - and I say this in the most feminist, screw the patriarchy way - a giant super-bitch. She’d take things and break things and piss people off and just do whatever she wanted, no matter who it hurt. It’s like the whole world was just Becky to her, you know? Dean: So you punched her poster. Miriam: And lit most of her stuff on fire. I’ve got issues. Sam: Dude, what’d you do to your hand? Miriam: Don’t ask. He’s super-sensitive.

Watch this scene again and watch how Dean reacts to her dissing Elsa, dissing liking cartoons at college age, dissing home schooling, look at how he just relates to fucking ALL of it and how he’s so done with her. He then brings out a bottle of alcohol, takes one swig of it (after fucking praying and getting nothing for it and brutally attacking a sign as a violent outlet for... despair, pent up grief, fury - take your pick), pours the rest on his wound and doesn’t drink a drop more of it, all the while being mostly aggravated with the scantily clad, attractive girl on the opposite side of Baby’s roof. 

I mean, I’m just saying that he didn’t ask Sam to get him a burger and he didn’t focus on the fast food right in front of his nose, he barely touched that drink and he’s not for one second seeing this girl as any kind of means of distraction. Idk if we will get coping mechanisms galore in the coming episodes, but personally I would rather he shut himself away in a darkened room and didn’t want to engage with the world at all because what the fuck is even the point? He’ll do the job, but other than that? Meh. (but we’ll see) (and if we do get coping mechanisms HEY that is so all good!)

Baby is like a lie detector. Shit usually gets real around Baby, so no wonder Miriam’s calling out of Dean’s deeper personality traits come out here, as well as the call-out to how he’s super-sensitive. Like whaaaaaat? YES. 

Miriam has come to act as exposition for how Dean really feels, rather than how he’s acting. She can see right through him, thanks to being an angel and all, and it’s interesting which buttons she immediately chooses to push. 

So I read this dialogue as being a deconstruction of Dean himself: 

his non-performing side is tied to the Elsa poster

his toxic masculinity is tied to the super-bitch

the poster got punched

most of super-bitch’s things got lit on fire

And “It’s like the whole world was just Becky to her, you know?” to me is such a resounding uppercut right into the jaw of control freak Dean that I can’t even. 

And then Miriam ends her statement with a “you know?” which is so telling, because Dean does know. He hasn’t related to the world in the selfish way Miriam paints it out as, but THAT IS HOW HE IS FEELING RIGHT NOW. 

So fucking guilt-ridden and full of self-blame that he can barely even stand it, as always - thinking that if he’d just related to Cas as CAS, rather than him seeing everything through his need to be in control of everything all the time, then perhaps Cas would be alive right now.

But there’s something else there, too - a budding hopelessness, a growing not-giving-a-fuck attitude, and it will be challenged and underlined later by Miriam calling our attention to it with one of the most epic lines of this entire fucking series. 

16. Flickering Lights

I had my comrades of the evening giggling like mad because, well, fan fiction territory galore. Flickering lights as Cas and Dean get it on. (I’ve read too little fan fiction to have been clued in on the joke without being enlightened but omfg just hilarious)

Then we get Jack as a fucking Cas-mirror again with “I like it. I like nougat.” (“I like emojis” and his literal way of communication just… omfg yes, because this Castiel is not the one coming back from the Empty. I believe we will get a more focused, BAMF Cas back who will have a mission and who will be completely dedicated to it, but he’ll still be Cas, with all the lessons he’s learned thus far.)

And we get Dean-mirror Clark (I’m sorry but his last name is Barker and… I mean, dogs bark and… there’s a whole lot of inference that can be made here but… okay just so amazing), who began the sequence at the police station with soft judgement of Jack’s sanity, to moving into assuming he’s high - and connecting with that behaviour - to now calling Jack “magic”. Such a Dean trajectory of rejection->acceptance. I raise my hands and applaud.

Jack is adorable. ^^^^

And here comes the angel radio and yes, absolutely, such a Dean and Cas first meeting callback that I almost want to lie down and cry and cry because just yessss please. All of the S4/S5 callbacks!! (all the callbacks) (from all over!!) (please)

And Sam tasers Jack in the back, which tells us electricity actually knocks this powerful being out cold and it must be linked to his humanity, right? (we’ll see if this is used by Dean)

17. Honesty

This is one of the most amazing scenes they could’ve given us this early on. This entire episode is telling us that this show is taking a turn for something wholly fresh, right? I mean, this is also Dean being so fucking done with putting on a performance - he does not CARE anymore - but it still sets the precedent for this season dealing with honesty and truthfulness and open fucking communication in completely new ways. *crossing fingers that it is so*

Sheriff: So what’re you, some kind of superhero? Dean: I’m just a guy doing a job.

Holy fucking hell does he not think of himself as a hero right now. He is so broken. Any semblance of a performance has left him. More than that, he is giving “the talk” in a completely straightforward way, and though it’s because every ounce of hope has left him, this is still an adult sat opposite that sheriff. Dean is all grown up.

Dean: So, Jack is a nephilim. He’s half-human, and half-angel. Angels are real, too.

HIS FAAAAAACE.

Crack goes my aching heart. Jensen Ackles breaks us every time!!

18. That’s Not His Name

This scene between Sam and Jack is golden in so many ways. Both Jared Padalecki and Alexander Calvert bring such heart to it. Dabb has written it with tension and moments of respite that create a fucking amazing flow and the exposition is just beautifully handled.

Also - Jack is one BAMF.

And Sam, though of course having a slightly ulterior motive for wanting to keep Jack on his side, is still able to relate to Jack on an emotional and intelligent level. (I’m not calling Dean stupid) (he’s spun out and just completely compromised by it at the moment is all)

Jack: I was scared, and when I get scared, things happen. I can’t stop them. Sam: Why were you scared? Jack: Because of the voices. They were so loud, so angry.

So, not a great first impression of Heaven, then. (yay!) Also, Jack’s fear informs the manifestation of his powers. But, there’s more. Jack switches mode from being on alert to sitting cross-legged and relaxing, surprising Sam by asking if he’ll tell “them I’m sorry.” Meaning the sheriff and Clark, of course.

Sam: Jack, how are you-…? How are we talking right now? I mean, you’re not even a day old, how do you speak English? Jack: My mother taught me. Sam: So you talked to her? Jack: I was her. Sam: Okay, and your… powers. Did she teach you those too or…? Jack: No, I… I don’t know why these things happen. It’s like I’m me, but not me. Sam: Jack. Look, before you were born you opened up a door to another world. Do you remember that? Jack: Yes. Sam: Okay, um, could you do that again? Jack: I don’t, I… I have to find my father. He’ll protect me. Sam: Jack, you gotta listen to me. That’s not really what Lucifer does. Jack: Lucifer? No, that’s not his name. My father is Castiel. Sam: What? Jack: My mother, she said Castiel, he would keep me safe. She said the world was a dangerous place. That’s why I couldn’t be a baby, or a child. That’s why I had to grow up fast. That’s why I chose him to be my father. Where is he? Sam: He’s dead.

Okay --> Holy Graal of Exposition.

So I read this as Jack not “talking” to Kelly meaning that he felt what she felt, he heard her thoughts - he was her, and she was him. 

How I interpret this scene is then that there’s a clear difference between:

Jack talking about his powers and appearing unsure

Jack talking about opening up that door, remembering it, and looking somewhere between disliking the memory and threatening pain if Sam pushes him further

Jack talking with ease and softness about Kelly 

This differences underline for me how much Jack loved his mother, his love informed by how much she loved him because he was her, he was kept safe in that love.

“It’s like I’m me, but not me” is extremely intriguing, however. This meta writer - and most meta writers I know - well, we’re pretty much assuming Jack will go bad at some point and this might be key to that switch. 

Perhaps Jack is the one under threat of control. I always figured he’d be manipulated (like Christ was tempted by Satan before being put on the cross) but what if this is why he needs protecting? He can’t control his powers and, if someone finds the key, his powers might end up controlling him, especially since he’s connected to everything (he heard the fucking universe scream) (I’m crossing fingers it’s Michael who gets his greasy paws on him) (it.would.be.so.amazing!!)

Jack remembers opening up the rift, but I maintain that if he’s not in control of his powers now, then he did not open up that rift intentionally.

However, he knows it was a bad thing to happen and whatever sensation is linked to it reminds him of his need for protection, reminds him of his mission to find his father. So the thought of the rift makes Jack immediately feel exposed, in need of protection and, most probably, guidance by his father.

Yeah, we screamed the bloody house down, you’d better believe it, at Jack actually fucking stating in dialogue that his father is Castiel, not Lucifer. 

I mean, Dabb is not pulling any punches here, naming Lucifer and having Jack reject him as his father figure - he flat out in episode one rejects his birth father - and stating that he has chosen his father, and his father is Castiel.

(there are candles burning right now) (candles of fragrance and love on my altar of worship)

My longer 12x19 meta is grounded in Kelly as the Good Mother and Cas as the Good Father Figure and as concepts they sound almost ridiculously archaic, but my point was that the narrative of 12x19 circles the theme of Good vs Evil through Cas/Dagon-Luci and Kelly/Dagon-Luci, as well as the theme of parenthood so prevalent throughout the entirety of S12. So to all of Jack’s declarations - hell yes and please and thank you!

And now his father figure and protector is dead. Jack isn’t too happy about that. He looks downright vengeful. (common ground with Dean…) (*crossing fingers*)

19. Frigging Angels

So, honesty saves the day and the sheriff is about to let them go without a fuss - to Sam’s astonishment. Yup, a whole new world, Sam.

Dean: So, let’s grab Damien here and find someplace quiet.

Dean is just going to literally kill this newborn being without any hesitation and without asking any questions based solely on the principle that anything non-human falls in the category of monster  and has to die. Okay, fine, Jack is the son of Lucifer but HELLO DEAN HELLO! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ALL YOUR LESSONS!!??

Oh, right, this is a callback to the beginning so we’ll realise how far you’ve come. Okay, alright. What was it that began blurring those black and white lines between the good and the monstrous of the world again? 

…. Hmmmm, let me think. 

Oh, right, it was Castiel coming into his life. 

There is so much in season four, but the most prominent thing is this movement into focusing the question that has always been a part of the show: 

What makes a monster and what makes a man? (yes I’m quoting The Hunchback of Notre Dame) (shut up) 

And now we get to glimpse Dean as he was, so that when Cas comes back the contrast will be un-fucking-mistakable. (I’ve no doubt) (but disclaimer I could be wrong because that ^^^ is spec)

And Miriam makes her reappearance in this sequence! Restating:

Miriam: I don’t know what he’s told you. I mean, I can guess. Some line about how he and his brother “save the world”? Grr. So macho. But really, he’s not a hero. He’s Becky. You take things and break things and piss people off and just do whatever you want no matter who it hurts. Also, you’re a giant super-bitch. So yeah, you’re Becky. And Becky needs to die.

So, here - instead of the Elsa reference and a super-sensitive comment, Miriam calls out performing!Dean with her “Grr. So macho” line. And it ties in with how little macho manly man performance is left in Dean, because of what comes next: “You take things and break things and piss people off and do whatever you want no matter who it hurts.”

And his face tells us what?

He looks like he agrees with her. And he doesn’t even offer up the smallest protest. Because he knows she’s right, and that’s why he didn’t tell the sheriff that he and Sam save the world - he told her the exact opposite, downplaying their importance and making what they do sound like they’re part-time plumbers. He does not think of himself as a hero. Not at all.

The macho bravado of his toxic masculinity has slipped off him with all this loss. He’s thought of himself as Grr-so-Macho because it’s him as the hammer, it’s him on a mission, it’s him with a purpose, and he’s always put himself last, everyone else first, never thinking about himself - even saving Sam has usually meant putting his own life on the line, because Dean has never known who to be without his brother to protect - never expecting to have a future, and now, with the loss of Cas, he understands exactly how big a lie all of that has always been, because he’d started wanting more, had started hoping for more, and now that hope is gone.

There is no normal after watching the man you love die.

And what Miriam is still pushing on here, but even harder than across the roof of Baby, is the guilt of it all, as well as the forever burning thought in his head that he doesn’t deserve better, doesn’t deserve more, that this is what always happens because it’s what needs to happen - he’s one of the Becky’s of the world, selfish and reckless and this is what happens when you can’t work with others, when you can’t open up, when you can’t trust. And love is pain and has always been nothing but pain. There is no happy for Dean Winchester, not ever and good things just don’t happen to him. Or, at least, they don’t last.

But here’s the most epic fucking line ever spoken on this show: 

Becky needs to die.

The version of Dean with a poster on the wall and a bitchy attitude needs to go the fucking way of bye-bye. No more dual identity. No more Batman-superhero moments. 

It’s time to embrace change, Dean Winchester, and stop with the blame game and the guilt trip and allow this grief to take hold and allow it to evolve you into the type of man who, when the love of his life returns to him, will not hesitate to show him how much he means to him. *crossing fingerssss*

(Okay, there might be tentativeness and Thelma and Louise moments of awkwardly trying to suss out where he stands, but this time I hope that Dean will not be deterred by Cas’ deep frowns and questioning expressions, but rather Dean will step in there and dare to be himself and show Cas who he really is and that he wants to spend time with him. It’ll lay the foundation for Cas’ real transformation... But I’ll write another post about that.)

Also, Becky needs to die to make way, make way, for Team Free Will!

:P

So, now in this sequence of scenes we learn that Jack can’t be blasted away.

And Dean learns that Jack can’t bring Cas back. After Dean’s already prayed to Chuck for help and gotten no answer. So yeah. Ow.

Miriam: …Because Beiber in there, he can do almost anything. Dean: Anything? Miriam: Oh, sweet. Almost anything. Castiel - he’s dead. All the way dead. Because of you.

And she gets free by pressing her finger hard on that guilt button. 

Miriam stabs Jack with an angel blade - doesn’t kill him or even hurt him.

(Dean is mentally taking notes)

Speculation: I mean, it seems pretty probable that Dean is going to try and extract Jack’s grace, right? Somehow use that spell? For Dean it’d be a win-win if he gets to know and like Jack, because extracting the grace means no more nephilim power fucking up the world, but Jack gets to live. I just wonder if Dean will still be suspicious by the time Cas comes back and if this will be a source of external conflict between them. I think that could be fantastic, especially since Cas so expressly will come back on a mission to protect Jack.

20. The Bench

I mean COME ON DABB!! The callback to end all fucking callbacks when Cas, sat on a bench, professes he has questions and doubts and states that he’s not a hammer (he doesn’t WANT to be a weapon and omfg Cas I love you) and we get our first smile from him. Jesus Christ on a tortilla, that first glimmer of humanity. So delicious.

Sam wants to take Jack back to the bunker and Dean agrees. Sam is surprised.

Sam: So you… changed your mind? Dean: No. No, nothing’s changed. He’s still the Devil’s kid, he’s still evil, he still brainwashed Kelly and Cas, and even if he hasn’t gone Big Bad yet, he will. Sam: You don’t know that. Dean: Yeah, I do. Since when have things ever gone right for us? So until I figure out a way to end him, we bring him home. At least there the only people he can hurt are you and me.

So while Jack is sitting, pensive and Cas-like giving us a visual link to our first human moment with him, Dean is going on and on about his mistrust of Jack. Two conflicting messages and I Wendy I Wanda which one we’re meant to take to heart.

Thing is, we know more about Jack than Dean does at this point, and so does Sam. Sam doesn’t know one hundred percent how to handle Jack or how much of an allegiance they’ll have with him, but his compassion is real, and he’s seen Jack the way we’ve seen him.

Dean is wrong when he mistrusts Jack based solely on him being the son of the Devil - it’s narrow-minded and complete bullshit and not what this show is about. It’s a mindset the brothers have moved out of, which got them in trouble with the BMoL to begin with.

But Dean is right when he assumes Jack will go dark side. He will go Big Bad because it’s in the cards for him and for TFW. 

What gives me such a thrill of hope for the future is that Dean, in the first episode of the season, calls out his own lack of trust in anything ever going right for them. I hope the narrative is about to give us a slow series of events to prove him completely wrong. (but I could be wrong about that reading) (I would just love it and it falls in line with everything else they’re giving us) (oh believe me things will get dark and fucked up before they go right) (but I have faith that they will go right in the end)

What’s both horrible and good about him saying “At least there the only people he can hurt is you and me” is that, yes, it shows he really doesn’t give one fuck anymore about anything, even keeping Sam safe, but it also shows he doesn’t care about keeping Sam safe.

Sam just suggested that they bring Jack to the bunker and Dean is acknowledging Sam’s choice and allowing Sam to take his own responsibility for the consequences.

Smack down brodependency. Brodependency SMACK DOWN.

Die Becky die die die!! ;)

(I know there was a character on this show named Becky but I’m sure there are miles of thoughts on her and how Dabb choosing that name so very specifically might just be a not so subtle pointer to stuff so I’ll do a reblog of that topic instead)

Sam also clearly realises how low Dean actually is. He wants to say something, but Dean gets up and it’s time to go.

21. Lake House

Back at the lake house (can’t get over how Baby is so incredibly dirty and so miserable) (aw Dean) Sam tries to coax Dean into waiting to burn Cas, instil some tiny sliver of hope in him, suggesting they pray to Chuck, and Dean bites off “Don’t you think I’ve tried that” and I think we collectively fell into a heap of feels. Seriously, this was a clutch each other and hold on for dear life moment.

Dean fucking praying to God. Which we’d already heard him doing in the teaser they released, but still! Here it is!!

I can’t attack this scene in less than half a page. There is so much here. There is so much pain and need and anger and he even begs him. Twice. Dean begins with saying “I need your help” and moves into “us” when he accuses God for up and leaving them. But it’s ok - the bunching himself together with Sam - because it’s needed here. Dean’s praying for the both of them, for everything they’ve lost.

And oh did I mention earlier a lens flare to end all lens flares? Well, what do you know? They give us ANOTHER ONE! A fucking rainbow. And rainbows in this narrative - as far as I know and as far as this visual underlines - are completely linked to God. 

The fact that the scene is entirely framed by how it’s time to burn Cas’ body makes the prayer - for Dean - take on a whole new meaning, no matter that he’s praying for both himself and Sam.

“We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back.”

Are you... serious, Dabb?? (he is) (he so clearly is)

The flashback ends and Dean tells Sam “God’s not listening. He doesn’t give a damn.”

But he clearly does give a damn. His sign is right there in a visual plant!

And we all went, ohhhh. Will Chuck make an appearance in the Empty? It does make the most sense, tbh. Cas is in the fucking Empty, for crying out loud, from whence there is absolutely no return. So God appearing because his grandson needs a Guardian, a guardian said grandson himself has chosen, kinda makes sense, because who else can restore Cas’ burned out grace and send him back? But we’ll see! Cas might still meet himself in the Empty, tbh, with Chuck there. Either way, it seems the most logical that Cas will get to make a choice. Or will he? .... We’ll know in a few weeks!! :P

22. Kelly

Jack says goodbye to his mother, placing a hand delicately on her feet and it’s such a beautiful sign of respect and I’d look up the deeper meaning if I wasn’t already twelve pages into this meta. I’ll reblog and reblog gifs with reams of intriguing tidbits, I’ve no doubt! Such a gorgeous visual and, to me, underlining of how Jack truly loved his mother. (as ever, the artwork on the wall as Jack enters the room is eye-catching and those stormy seas with the sunlight breaking through dark clouds give me good feels, must say)

23. Cas

Yes. I cry. And I cry. And we all cry at this scene. I didn’t cry the first time around, I was way too overwhelmed by amazement that we even got this incredible visual and Jensen giving us one of those subtle, heart wrenching moment-upon-moments that is just… There are no words. What can I say about this scene that hasn’t already been said?

Dean steps in through that door almost as though he’s questioning if Cas will be there, leading with his head, not wanting to hope, but hoping all the same because every other time… But there’s the sheet, and there’s Cas underneath it. And the wide angle shot is so beautiful. Dean sighs. Like he’s been holding his breath with the hope and now… gone. No more. And he looks away, because it’s just too much. And then he looks, and it’s real and all of it is just so damn visceral. FUCK. And when Dean almost breaks down. When he has to stop, like he has that pain in his chest that makes you feel like your ribs are caving in… and he closes his eyes and he bends his head before he looks up at Cas again… And he knows he will be the one to wrap Cas’ body, there are no two ways around it, and he does it and it’s just... FUCK!

24. Pyre

They burn Cas and Kelly at sundown. Yes, so fitting. And Sam teaches Jack about how humans say goodbye. Also so fitting. And Dean says goodbye and we all just want to lie on a pyre as well. Sam says that they don’t know if Mary’s dead, and Dean says that yes they do, linking back to his nightmare at the beginning of the episode.

To him, Mary is gone, and he doesn’t even feel the urge to try to fight to bring her home, to find a way. I’ve mentioned it before, but his line “No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets - you gotta keep grinding” when he and Sam were hunting for Cas lends this such weight. 

Dean has never been here before. 

He’s a fighter, but now the fight has gone out of him, and he may keep grinding for the sake of it, but hoping that the grinding will lead somewhere good is done and dusted. At least according to Singer, who said Dean will carry on doing the job but will suffer bouts of “inertia” - which is another word for apathy, which is wholly connected to depression. I am just so fucking HAPPY!! *sadism*

The way the pyre is reflected in Dean’s pupils. Yeah. Fuck you, Phil Sgriccia!! <3

25. The Devil You Know

Mary and Lucifer in the AU will be interesting. I love that they might have to try and survive together and that Lucifer sees the potential in keeping her alive. Again, there’s that visual link between Dean and Mary with the cut on their bottom lip and I’m really looking forward to seeing how they’ll use it and if they use it and when and why and how! Oh, but wait - Lucifer has a cut in the exact same spot as well. Curiouser and curiouser. 

Final comments: I mean, what more could we want from this episode? I don’t think we could want anything more from this episode. Balls out with the love story because Dean’s entire appearance in this episode have to do with Cas, brodependency barely existent anymore, Jack is fucking perfection, all out orgasmic setup for what’s to come this season and the intimate moments that give us so much character are, as ever, to simply die for. I can���t wait for this week’s episode. OMFG WE HAVE A NEW EPISODE IN LESS THAN A WEEK! THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS LIKE NOW! CONGRATULATIONS - WE SURVIVED HELLATUS!! Now we just have to keep from biting our nails down between each new instalment. :P

Next time I’ll do a pure gif-post. Thanks for sticking with me throughout another long ass meta! ;D