#Neil told Andrew the second he got home like BABE GUESS WHAT

[chryseiswriting-blog]

MEANWHILE IN THE FOXES GAME ROOM:

Wymack: Another Raven is dead.

Kevin: Who?

Wymack: Grayson Johnson.

Nicky: How?

Wymack: Toaster in the bathtub.

Neil: Huh.

Wymack: The fuck you mean huh.

Neil: I didn’t pay for the soap and spark package. They must have given me an upgrade.

Dan, Matt, Kevin, Nicky: WHAT

Neil: what?

Wymack: For fuck sake, how many times do I have to say it? Next person to confess to murder in the game room will be running triathlons until the day they die.

[turnsoutnoonewasexaggerating]

Part 11 of The Sam Diaries

Read on Ao3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10507836/chapters/27140973

20:47: Is this Eunoia?

20:47: Yes? Who are you?

20:48: It’s Neil Josten. I was trying to get hold of Sam’s number to tell him the police got a hold of the guy at the game but I couldn’t find it.

20:49: If u managed to get a hold of my mobile number in Greece I don’t think it was the police who took him away

21:01: Why doesn’t Sam have a phone?

21:05: He broke it last week and hasn’t replaced it yet Also kinda still can’t believe I actually know u pls b nice I am too excited and tired for this conversation

21:05: How did he break it? And I don’t think I’ve ever been good at nice sorry

21:06: He dropped it on the floor Apparently me in lingerie causes him to lose all motor functions

21:07: I didn’t need the extra info

21:07: Your fault for asking. Anywho, I’ll pass on the message. Thank you again for the game tickets and congrats on how well you played

21:09: Andrew’s probably bought those game tickets ten times over in ice cream by now

21:09: That is… Maybe a little bit true. I should probably give him discounts at this point

21:10: Do not it is hard enough keeping him to his diet schedule as it is

21:10: Rodger that. 21:11: Sam just asked me what I’m laughing at He is shocked and appalled at the idea of a meal plan

21:15: Don’t ever let him meet Kevin Day. He loves meal plans more than he loves his wife

21:16: Poor wife 21:20: So apparently ur demi too? Oh Shit sorry Sam’s just told me not to mention it I just haven’t met anyone irl other than Sam Ignore it

21:30: It’s fine 21:45: So Sam’s demi and he was just born like that?

21:46: Yes?

21:47: And you’re not demi right?

21:47: Nah I’m just a boring heterosexual.

21:48: I didn’t know there was a word for it I just thought I was different

21:49: Well u r but it’s not a bad thing. And it seems to be working for u guys fine!

21:50: Yeah. Thanks Eunoia.

10:52: Neil, I need to apologise I never thought I was going to get answers as to what happened to my parents And I definitely didn’t think the answers would be btw ur parents were spies Like that’s not a reality I ever had to live in Don’t get me wrong I’m 100% ready to stab ur uncle if he ever comes near me But Sam’s convinced me I shouldn’t have taken that out on u it’s not ur fault I’m sorry

11:10: Your parents were killed to save my life. I should be the one apologising. Are you ok? Also do not attempt to stab my uncle you will be killed before you even met him

11:11: Calm down crazy. U didn’t kill them. Sam's helping me through it. It's going to take a while to rewrite them in my head. I can't believe they lied to me for so many years. It's like, did I even know them? But the best thing for me is to get back to work doing what I love. And finish up wedding decisions as well :) I figured that. My parents were the good guys tho right?

11:12: I might as well have I'm glad you've got Sam. All the members of the FBI I’ve met are pricks but they were on the right side of the law I suppose. And they got taken out because they were too good at their jobs

11:12: Pls pass Andrew ur phone

11:13: Ok… 11:14: What?

11:14: Pls get ur bf’s head out of his self-deprecating arse. Also how much ice-cream will it take to win u over? I have a lot

11:15: Unfortunately it’s been stuck there since he was born. I’m sure we can come to an arrangement. Just how much of your ‘Death by Chocolate’ do you currently have stocked?

11:16: How big is ur fridge?

When Andrew had finally managed to coax a nervous and still visibly upset Neil out of the Maserati and into the shop (thankfully there didn’t seem to be any other customers in yet; Andrew had a feeling Neil would like this conversation even less in public), it’s to find Rosa deRosales behind the counter, not Eunoia. Rosa and Andrew stare at each other blankly.

“Oh yeah, Rosa, those famous Exy players I was talking about come in here all the time, I don’t really know why, but they’re pretty chill so don’t give them special treatment.” Eunoia’s voice calls from the back, getting steadily louder as she makes her way to the front. “Can you get the door for me babe?”

Rosa breaks eye-contact with Andrew to push the door to the back open and lets Eunoia, hidden behind a tower of white dopplers, into the front of the shop. She places them down on the counter carefully, having still not noticed Andrew and Neil.

Andrew takes a second to look her over. In all honesty, she looks like shit. She has bags under her eyes that speak of not just a bad night’s sleep but a truly horrific one, and she’s hobbling like she’s injured her feet in some way. Her hair, for the first time in their acquaintance, is tied back away from her face, and it makes her look serious in a way she rarely is. Her eyes are still slightly wild and more than a little haunted, but she’s calm in the way she unstacks the boxes and there’s nothing fake about her smile as she thanks Rosa.

“How long have you worked here?” Andrew says finally and Eunoia startles and looks at him in confusion.

“This is my first shift.” Rosa replies quietly, fidgeting with her apron. “I’m just helping out Eunoia while she gets some new staff, but I still fill her ‘fucked-up’ criteria.”

“You know each other?” Eunoia asks, gesturing between the two of them, giving a disapproving glance at her friend for calling herself and the other employees fucked up. Andrew shrugs.

“We were in the same foster home, but not at the same time.”

“Oh.” Eunoia says in surprise, and then she glances at Rosa and pales. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Rosa replies, and Eunoia looks vaguely sick when she looks back at Andrew. Andrew quirks an eyebrow, feeling like he’d missed something.

“I’m guessing that’s why you were barely sober over November and December in Junior High.” Eunoia says quietly, still talking to Rosa but not taking her eyes off Andrew.

“I couldn’t believe he was really dead after I’d spent all of Freshman High hiding from him at your house.” Rosa agrees, just as softly. Neil and Andrew both stiffen.

“I suppose that makes Eunoia one of the ‘good friends who got you to the hospital in time’?” Andrew manages, eventually. Eunoia shakes her head.

“We didn’t go to the same university.”

“Not that that stopped her from flying halfway around the country to visit me in hospital in the middle of her exams.” Rosa smiles, poking her friend in the side.

“Way too many fucking coincidences.” Neil says, blinking at them all. Eunoia agrees with a laugh, and if it’s a little more hard-won than it usually is, that’s to be expected. They’re going to be ok.

"At least half of those better be mine." Andrew deadpans, pointing at the dopplers, when the feeling in the room gets a little to sappy for him to stomach, and this time when Eunoia laughs there's nothing hesitant about it at all.

“Andrew.” Kevin’s never been one for conventional greetings.

“Kevin.” Andrew replies, because neither has he.

“Are you free?” Andrew assumes he means to chat, and wonders when Thea had managed to persuade Kevin to be a little less brisk and demanding on the phone. He’s not entirely sure he likes it. He stretches out on their couch, secretly pleased with the fact that he’s short enough that his whole body fits on it lengthways with some wiggle room, and closes his eyes, listening to Neil switch on the coffee machine. Neil thinks that when the coffee machine is whirring Andrew can’t hear him singing along to the radio, and Andrew sees no reason to inform him of the truth, especially when after last week’s mess with Sam and Eunoia, Andrew was worried the singing wouldn’t come back for a while.

“From Neil? Unfortunately he’s still alive and annoying as ever.”

“Of time constraints you bastard.” Now there’s the Kevin he knows and- Knows. “I thought we could get lunch.”

“You live on the other side of the country.” Andrew deadpans, intrigued despite himself.

“And now I’m in your town.” Kevin says back with his usual stoic demeanour, no hint as to why he’s travelled hundreds of miles just to take Andrew out for lunch.

“What happened? Did you finally leave Muscles to do something about your Knox boner? Come to have a gay crisis with me?” Andrew can tell Kevin’s fuming through the phone, and Andrew knows the only reason he hasn’t exploded in rage is that he’s not sure what part of Andrew’s speech he’s most upset about.

“No.” Kevin grounds out, through gritted teeth. “I’ll meet you at that Italian place Neil took us to last time. Don’t bring him.” The line clicks dead before Andrew can ask what the fuck that’s supposed to mean.

“What the shit is going on, Day?” Andrew announces as he strides up to Kevin’s table, ignoring the waiter chasing after him about waiting to be served. Kevin flicks an apologetic look at the staff as Andrew sits across from him, who predictably all swoon over the handsome celebrity.

“I owe you.” Kevin says, uncomfortably. It’s the last thing Andrew ever expects him to say. Luckily Kevin is used to Andrew’s taciturn ways and keeps talking without being prompted. “I didn’t hold up my end of our deal.”

Andrew’s eyes narrow as Kevin clenches and unclenches his scarred hand. He doesn’t think the striker even knows he’s doing it.

“You don’t owe me anything.” Andrew says, eventually. Kevin frowns at him.

“I know it’s been ages but that doesn’t make it ok.” Kevin protests, and Andrew wants to snarl at his stupidly thick head. He hated dealing with people who didn’t understand him.

Which basically translated to he hated dealing with anyone who wasn’t Neil.

“I came up with that deal because I was desperate, and much as I meant to hold up my end of it, the way I went about it was all wrong. I built my entire life around Exy and I didn’t think for a moment that you couldn’t do the same. I knew for certain that Exy could be more to you if you just let it, and I was right, but it couldn’t be the be all end all for you.” Kevin trying to apologise is almost amusing enough for Andrew to want to continue the conversation; his face is contorted with the effort of saying the right words, and he’s still failing miserably. It’s quite possibly the first time Kevin’s tried to genuinely apologise in his life. Andrew’s fairly certain he practiced this little speech.

“You’re not listening Kevin. You don’t owe me anything.” Kevin blinks.

“I don’t understand.” Andrew rolls his eyes and looks out the window as he fidgets idly with the knife on the table in front of him. Unfortunately not sharp enough to cut the pest.

“You picked Neil.” Andrew’s hand tightens around the knife at his admission, and he watches as understanding dawns on Kevin’s face.

“Oh.”

“You’re paying for the food.” Andrew insists, not letting Kevin linger on the topic for any longer.

“We’re only here because it’s got some options with really rich carb intake.” Kevin says sternly. Andrew sometimes amuses himself thinking about Kevin’s face if he saw how loosely Andrew followed his meal plan. (And by loosely he means one night a week he eats whatever green vegetable-filled meal Neil forces down his throat, and only because Neil hates vegetables just as much and Andrew will one day capture on camera the face Neil makes around spinach.)

Andrew sends a text to Neil informing him that he’s leaving Neil for his bowl of pasta later on, and occasionally offers a comment on Kevin’s latest analysis of the upcoming season, admitting to himself quietly, with a little bloom of warmth he usually only feels around Neil, that it’s because he enjoys talking to Kevin.

[cabeswaterlovesthem]

“It’s February 14th, Neil!”

Nicky was exasperated. It was obvious by the way he looked out of breath even though he was just standing there being rather noisey.

Neil scrunched up his nose. As much as he loved Nicky, he wouldn’t mind hearing him less right now. 

“What’s your point, Nicky?” 

The thing with Nicky, however, was that when you requested a straight answer, you instead got a show. 

Act one of this show was apparently looking around at the rest of the foxes and proclaiming, “Can you believe this kid?!” 

Andrew was coming from his appointment with Bee so wasn’t at the locker rooms yet for practice. Neil found himself silently hoping he would get there faster to shut Nicky up.

Usually everybody would just let Nicky go on his rant, half ignoring him and half egging him on. But when Neil looked past him, he realized that all the Foxes were actually paying attention. Their eyes were focused on Neil with a combination of pity, confusion, and general annoyance. 

Nicky was making a huge fuss now, not actually getting to the point but rather going around it. “Of all the days to not know-”

But Matt cut him off. Which was odd, because Matt usually didn’t cut Nicky off. 

“Neil....do you really not know what today is?”

Neil crossed his arms at this, feeling a rare moment of insecurity. 

“Did I get the date wrong or something? Is it the 15th?”

“No....it’s the 14th....of February,” Matt emphasized. And Neil had just about enough.

“Okay, what the hell is your point then? Did I forget somebody’s birthday? Was I supposed to do something special? Just get to the damn point.”

His voice was cutting which meant that Neil was in a mood the foxes liked to avoid. Fortunately for everybody, Aaron wasn’t afraid of Neil. Or afraid to get to the point.

“It’s Valentine’s day you moron,” he said from across the room, slamming his locker forcefully and heading out to the court without another glance back.

“Oh.” 

Neil could recall celebrating only one Valentine’s Day in his life. Celebrating wasn’t quite the right word- more like, observing. It happened somewhere between sixth or seventh grade. His teacher at school had given out tiny cards to all the students. When Neil had brought his home though, his mom quickly snatched it and ripped it up. She had thought it had been from a girl that liked him at school. Needless to say, it had been a pretty terrible day, and Neil left the thoughts of anything like love, or a day dedicated to it, behind. 

The rest of the potential Valentine’s Days before that during his younger years were fuzzy with nothing memorable enough to make him remember that February 14th had significance.

When he finally pulled himself from his own thoughts, he realized Nicky was still rambling on. 

“I mean, it’s got to be Andrew’s favorite holiday. It’s basically dedicated to chocolates and with his sweet tooth? I bet he’d rip through a box of chocolate in under a minute flat if nobody was watching him.”

Neil frowned. 

There was a 99% chance that Nicky was lying. Actually, Nicky was really just guessing. And yet, a tiny seed of doubt was planted into Neil’s head.

Was he supposed to have gotten Andrew something? Even though they didn’t really say the “L” word, was this like Christmas where you were supposed to exchange gifts? Neil and Andrew had given each other practical gifts at Christmas so if this was a “gift exchanging” holiday then Andrew would probably get him something? Right? 

But Nicky just pat him on the back, causing him to be pulled out of the spiral of thoughts he had been thrown into yet again.

“Don’t worry! We can go pick something up after practice! Since my Valentine’s date is a few countries away I’ll live vicariously through you!”

“Living vicariously through Neil? Do you want to fuck your cousin or something, Nicky?” Allison joked which caused Nicky to scrunch up his entire face and make mock gagging sounds.

“Ew! Fucking gross. Just because your date is in this room, Allison, doesn’t mean you get to prey on the weak innocent half of a long distance relationship!”

Allison and Renee just smiled at each other from across the room before Wymack came out and told them all to get out on the court and stop dillydallying. 

To say Neil was distracted throughout practice would have been an understatement. 

When Andrew finally showed up, he spent half the time looking for any sort of eye twitch or motion that would indicate if it was a day different than any other day. Sometimes, on bad days, Andrew had more of a furrow to his brow. It was subtle, but Neil caught on pretty quickly. When Neil said something stupid, Andrew tended to swallow harder before responding like he was preparing his vocal chords for the jibe he was about to serve. But so far, Andrew’s face had no indication that today was any different.

Neil wasn’t sure how to take that.

The other half of his time spent on the court was riddled with lectures by Kevin about his shoddy performance and Dan asking if something was wrong midway through. He knew he wasn’t performing like his normal self and when he turned to Andrew, he could see the twitch of a brow that indicated Andrew was studying him and thought something was off too.

“That’s enough for today,” Wymack finally announced a half hour later, leading the way to the locker room. 

Neil stayed behind to collect the balls on the court which meant Andrew stayed behind to watch Neil and occasionally kick a ball closer. 

They were quiet for the first three minutes before Andrew finally decided Neil wasn’t going to speak first.

“Are you going to talk about it?” 

“Not yet,” Neil replied, meeting Andrew’s eyes.

Andrew just shrugged, leaving it at that as he walked away.

This was how they worked. Sometimes, Neil wasn’t ready to talk. Other times, Andrew didn’t want to be within three feet of Neil. So when Neil said he didn’t want to talk about it right then, he had bought himself enough time to scrounge up some sort of a plan. 

Andrew wouldn’t let Neil borrow the car without being highly suspicious. And if Neil told Andrew he was going with Nicky then Andrew would definitely chaperone. But if Neil was going with Allison and Nicky then Andrew would probably pass and stay at home. Except Allison probably had to exchange a gift with Renee. Or whatever else it was that happened on Valentine’s day. 

Shit. He wasn’t even sure if there was more to it. But if it was romantic, Andrew would probably hate it. But chocolate? Well. 

Neil and Andrew didn’t use the L word, but if Andrew were to use it, it would probably be while mentioning chocolate before it would be used to refer to Neil. 

When he got to the locker room, everybody else was already showered and putting away their gear. He knew Andrew was probably already waiting outside for him and smoking a cigarette so Neil took the opportunity to grab Allison. 

“Hey- would you mind uh...do you have plans or...”

Allison just raised an eyebrow at Neil and saved him the stammering. 

“Me and Renee don’t have dinner plans until tonight. Let me guess- you need to get a last minute gift for the tiny blond demon. No worries babes, I’ve got you.”

Neil swallowed his own distaste at the nickname and thanked her before heading outside to find Andrew.

As expected, Andrew was leaning up against his car scrolling through something on his phone and stubbing out a half finished cigarette. 

"Hey,” Neil said. He received Andrew’s patented blank stare in response.

“Nicky asked me if I wanted to go shopping and Allison is going to join.”

He wasn’t lying, so it was pretty easy to pass off any underlying deception. Andrew seemed to mull this over for a second, turning his cigarette carton over in his hand. 

“Keep your phone on,” was Andrew’s final response before getting into his car and driving away. 

They had about two hours of shopping time, which was honestly more time than Neil wanted to spend anywhere that he wasn’t with Andrew. He figured in some warped way, that was probably their version of romance. Being near Andrew made him feel safer and more grounded to reality. He didn’t need to be near Andrew, he just preferred to be. 

Their first stop was a grocery store, which seemed a bit odd to Neil until he saw the massive display in the center aisles decked out in red hearts.

“Just grab whatever you think Andrew might like,” Nicky told him with a pat on the back while Nicky and Allison went to grab some post-practice protein bars.

It was all a bit overwhelming, but they had left him with the cart. The first box Neil picked up was bright pink and in the shape of a heart. If he was supposed to grab whatever he thought Andrew would like, then this definitely wouldn’t make the cut. But when he read the different kinds of flavored chocolates that made up the contents of the box, he threw it in the cart.

"Holy shit,” Nicky said, which signaled their return. 

Neil looked up, confused, before realizing almost half the cart was full with boxes of chocolate. 

“Who knew you were such a romantic, Josten?” Allison nudged him with her elbow and gave a smile. Nicky looked absolutely fucking gleeful. The look on his face alone made Neil regret losing track of how many boxes he had picked out. 

It took Neil a second to realize Nicky was holding a basket and Allison had a bunch of contents piled in her arms. 

“What’s all that?” 

“Well mister romance, we’re sure your other half didn’t make dinner reservations. And since everything is booked, we thought we’d put a little picnic basket together for you,” Allison said with a smile as she placed the basket into the cart.

Neil wasn’t really sure what to do with this information. It was a very nice gesture and they both seemed so hopeful, but Neil knew Andrew would probably throw the basket off the roof. 

“I don’t know about tha-”

“Nonsense!” Nicky said, “I’m sure all his angry glaring probably works up an appetite!” 

When Neil opened the basket, he found a bottle of wine, two things of sushi, chips that Neil knew Andrew didn’t like, and an assortment of healthy granola type bars that he could pawn off on Kevin.

He didn’t feel like arguing though, so he thanked them and they continued on through the store. 

Nicky and Allison both disappeared again to pick up some last minute items which gave Neil the perfect amount of time to add two tubs of ice cream, a bottle of vodka, and a bag of his own favorite chips to counteract all of the candy he was going to end up having to eat when Andrew shoved each individual heart shaped box down his throat and told him to fuck off.

“This is stupid,” Neil said out loud but before he could start putting everything back, Nicky and Allison were there, shoving him through checkout and loading the bags into Allison’s trunk.

Andrew wasn’t in their room when they returned, which was mostly a relief. Unfortunately this meant that Andrew wasn’t there to silently scold Nicky and Allison for roping him into this mess before telling them to leave. Fortunately, Allison and Nicky only dropped off the bags and left, both having their skype dates and dinner dates to get to.

Neil found Kevin at his desk and dumped the contents of the picnic basket next to him. 

“What’s this?”

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Neil said with an eye roll, taking the empty basket back to the common room and fill it with all the shit he needed to carry to the roof.

“The feeling isn’t mutual, Josten!” Kevin called from the other room, but Neil just ignored him in favor of having an internal panic over a stupid fucking basket and two dozen boxes of chocolate.

“This is stupid,” Neil muttered to himself again, debating whether to take anything up to the roof with him at all. Eventually, he settled for taking the ice cream, two spoons, one box of chocolate, and the vodka. Either way, when they came back down there would be about twenty boxes of chocolates in Andrew’s eye line anyway and he didn’t really have anywhere to hide them.

“Hey,” Neil said when he finally got up to the roof. 

Andrew didn’t turn around, but rather held his hand out with a half smoked cigarette in offering to Neil. Except Neil had a box of chocolates in one hand and a fucking picnic basket in his other. 

“Uh....here,” he said awkwardly, moving to the other side of Andrew and holding out the box.

Andrew looked at the packaged heart and then back at Neil, expressionless.

For a solid two minutes, Neil stood with his arm outstretched, waiting for Andrew to either turn away or take the box.

It was excruciating, but he figured the fact that Andrew didn’t look particularly upset by the gesture meant that he was more amused than anything. 

Andrew took the box. 

After turning it over to the back and then to the front again, he looked back at Neil and said, “Are you expecting something in return?”

Neil let out a tiny sigh of relief at that. For some reason, the fact that Andrew hadn’t done anything felt like a weight was being lifted from his shoulders. Of course Andrew didn’t expect anything for a day dedicated to the kind of love they didn’t share.

“No,” Neil replied and sat next to Andrew on the roof.

It wasn’t that they didn’t “love” each other, but rather that their version didn’t fit with the societal expectation. For both of them, love was just an empty word thrown around as a false synonym to what actually mattered. To them, loyalty meant more. Trust and protection. A hand on the back of Neil’s neck to pull him from a nightmare or Andrew removing his arm bands with the light still on before they fell asleep in the same bed. That was their equivalent. It didn’t need a specific day and it didn’t need to be celebrated. It just needed to be chosen, over and over again. 

Andrew was silent for a few more beats before he responded, “Good, because I wasn’t going to waste my time getting something for somebody who last minute shops because they forgot what day it was.”

Neil could tell just by the slight lift of Andrew’s cheek that he was joking. Neil smiled in response, turning to stare at the way the subtle light hit Andrew’s jawline perfectly. 

“Or rather, didn’t know what today was,” Andrew finished, lighting a new cigarette and passing it to Neil.

“Kevin told you?” 

Andrew didn’t have to respond for Neil to know he was right. 

“I gave him some granola but apparently it wasn’t enough to convince him to date me.” Neil took the cigarette from Andrew and watched as he riffled through the basket and pulled out the ice cream. 

“You should have given him this- he probably would have at least considered a date,” Andrew said holding up the vodka.

“Good point, except I was thinking about filling one of the empty boxes of chocolate with frozen broccoli and leaving a love letter attached.”

Andrew considered this a moment before nodding in agreement. 

They sat in comfortable silence for a few more minutes, popping open a carton of ice cream and grabbing the two spoons, before Andrew spoke again.

“What do you mean ‘one of the empty boxes’ Neil.”

It was two hours, too much sugar, and a bunch of whispered “yes or no” questions later when Neil let out a yawn. 

“Go to bed, I’ll be down in a minute,” Andrew told him, nudging him until he sat up straight from where he was slumped against Andrew.

Neil didn’t argue, feeling the pull of sleep making his eyelids feel heavy.

A final yes or no was asked, to which Neil simply answered his favorite, “It’s always yes” before leaning down to meet Andrew’s lips. It was sleepy and soft and nothing anybody would expect from somebody like Andrew. And it was reserved only for Neil.

He put all their trash and candy wrappers into the picnic basket and headed back to the room, leaving the roof door cracked for Andrew.

Quietly, he left the basket near the mound of chocolate boxes, and climbed his way up into his bunk in the dark room.

He crawled in and nearly fell off when he felt something next to him. His eyes shot open and his body tensed before he realized what was lying next to him in the bed.

On the bed was a brand new bright pink exy racquet with one singular yellow sticky note attached.

It read “400%”

Author’s note: Happy Valentine’s Day friends! I posted this before midnight so it still counts. Completely not proof read really at all because it’s past my bedtime. Enjoy!