#Nikolai imagines

[honeydazai]

୨୧·࣭࣪̇˖ taking care of you when you're sick

feat.: Dazai, Chūya, Ranpo, Fyodor, Nikolai, Sigma

warnings: none!

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The moment you fall sick, DAZAI gets all the more annoying, obnoxious to the core as he whines about how unfair it is that you're sick and he's not — translating to “that you don't have to go to work and he does”. He might just use your sickness as an excuse to stay at home himself; after all, when you're in this critical of a condition, he has to be by your side at all times, right? Just in case of an emergency. Surely Kunikida and the President agree.

Taking care of others or even of himself isn't what he's particularly good at, though he will pretend to be absolutely certain about cuddling being a certain cure for any illness. If you threaten to give him the cold shoulder otherwise, he'll also go to the pharmacy and buy you medication, though he will either complain about it, or he'll play it up to be his God-given mission to save his stunning girlfriend's life.

“Hm? What do you mean, bella? Of course I've got the President's 'okay' for staying at home. Taking care of you is most important, after all, don't you agree? .. Don't be mean, I am taking care of you. I made you tea just now, didn't I?"

CHŪYA really doesn't like it whenever you're sick. While he's faced a handful of way more threatening situations before, he can't help but worry when you whine about your head hurting and your throat aching, about your stomach acting up or your vision blurring. It's not his fault that you're on his mind all day — he just wants you to be well. Is that too much to ask for?

Naturally, that translates to him being awfully good when it comes to him nursing you back to health. He wouldn't describe himself as a natural caretaker, but he is, in a way; he's protective and caring by nature, and he makes sure you're relatively well before he leaves for work every day. You don't just get the best medication on the market, but also energising meals made by him with the help of authentic recipes from elderly women he found online. To not fully lose his image, he half-heartedly complains occasionally, though his words are immediately redeemed by his beaming smile when he notices you're faring better.

“Jeez, that's one annoying cold you've got. It's been, what, like two weeks now and it's still not gone. Whatever. I've found this new soup recipe, though. It looks promising enough, doesn't it? I'll try to make it for dinner.”

RANPO admittedly is rather bad at taking care of you. To be blunt, he much prefers it when you coddle and spoil him, not the other way around, though he tries in his own ways — which mostly include sharing his snacks with you and being near you despite the risk of getting infected himself.

Unfortunately, you're not spared from his usual honesty; when you look downright awful, dark circles underneath your eyes, he will tell you just that. If you flake out on any dates the two of you had planned previously, he will whine, but at least he won't hold a grudge. While he's not particularly committed to being a caretaker, he at least stays by your side and brings you medicine and painkillers.

“You should eat more, y'know. Yes, I know you're nauseous. You've said so about twenty times already. You won't feel any better until you eat and drink enough, though. That's common sense.”

Naturally, FYODOR is more than simply good at taking care of you whenever you fall ill. With his age, it's no wonder that he has quite some experience and knows of many ways to heal you, though some of them might include disgusting homebrewed potions. You're best of just not asking what they're made of if you want to have any chance in downing them.

Unfortunately, his approach to helping you regain your health is more clinical than loving. He takes wonderful care of you, but he's not the type to cuddle with you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear while you're sneezing and coughing. If you ask sweetly enough, however, he might just read you a bedtime story or two.

“What is it, dear? I was just going to get you a new glass of water. .. Ah, I see. Do you really want me to stay that badly? Alright, then. Though me remaining by your side won't give you an excuse to skip taking your medication.”

It's no surprise whatsoever that NIKOLAI is not the most caring guy, simply put, and he might just tease you about being sick throughout the whole ordeal. He can't help it; you glaring at him, exhausted and sneezing, makes him giggle. Still, he's not all bad — he revels all the more in your surprised expression when he presents you with homemade soup, a family recipe, or so he tells you, and he smiles, content, when you admit that it tastes rather lovely.

With his ability, it's easy for him to get whatever you might need, whether that's food or a cup of tea or a bucket to throw up in, from the kitchen without moving from your bedside, so be prepared to spend quite a lot of time with him in the next few days — or weeks. Though, luckily, he's there to entertain you, not the other way around; when you say you want to curl up and just sleep the sickness off, he'll just keep watch next to you, silent and calm. After all, he does want you to feel better.

“Hmm, what did you say? You like my cooking? I'm honoured, doll! You're too kind! How about a quiz about what I put in there — poison, carrots, red beet, or all three? Ah, not feeling up for it, are you? What a shame. It's all three, if you're curious. I'm just kidding, of course. Don't you worry your pretty little head.”

SIGMA is the best choice for who to go to when ill. Not only is he kind and caring, he's also responsible and organised and, if you follow every step he tells you — eat his home-cooked soup, drink this medicine, sleep for as much as possible, take hot or cold compresses, inhale water with herbal essences —, you'll be at full health again in no time.

Even though he unfortunately can't stay at home all day to be by your side — duties at the casino call, even though he'd much rather not go —, he tries to spend as much time as possible with you, telling you about what has happened that day and how much he looked forward to being home with you again while your eyes flutter closed. When you've almost fallen asleep, his lips gently press against your forehead, even if that means he risks getting sick himself.

“Are you feeling better yet? No? Well, that's to be expected. It's only been a day, after all. I've brought you some more medicine, as well as some soup. Here, give it a taste, will you?”

@chxrry-doll @irethepotato @beandaifuku, @the-foreigner , @ranpobb, @arixsux, @dei-lilxc , @atsyushi @satoruislove @pastelsbaby @marina-and-the-memes @texchou @shiggysredhead @savagemickey03 @rosepxtlz @nikolaiswife @okura-s @ladykatakuri @lunerenzo @berywritesstuff @xelia25 @yuuotosaka3 @double-black-dazai @alice0blog @fyodorstolenushanka @ttaiyaki @itsnovariella @C4xcocoa

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[chuulyssa]

Hey!! Could you do prompt 15 with Dazai and Nikolai? Seperate pls! Where reader has been having it rough lately and they want to be close to their safe person/bff as possible (aka Dazai and Nikolai). They also seem to have feelings for each other but haven't confessed yet 👀

↷ A/N ─ i love this omg you're the besttt :3

★ PROMPT ─ 15

!! FT. ─ dazai, nikolai

"is it okay if i sleep here tonight?"

─ DAZAI

"Of course, you can, bella," he replied immediately, waving a hand.

Of course, you could. He had dreamt of this for so long, to be with you in your darkest times. Your head would rest on his lap while he would play with your hair. So naturally, part of him was exhilarated at the thought of you staying there with him, lighting up his little house.

But part of him felt equally guilty. Who was he to be happy while you were suffering? Ever since he had seen you, he had made it upon himself to protect you from all the sadness and cruelty of humanity. Then, who was he to take joy in your pain?

With these thoughts in mind, Dazai repeated his sentence softly, "You can, bella. For as long as you want."

You nodded thankfully, and he took a pillow and a blanket out. You looked at him, puzzled, since there were already enough pillows for both of you on his bed.

"What's that for?"

"Oh, that," he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, before attempting to switch back to his cheerful personality. "I don't suppose you'd be able to bear the thought of a handsome detective asleep right next to you?"

"Maybe I could," you said quietly.

Dazai blinked.

Oh.

Oh.

This was real.

"Heck, yeah, you could," he jumped onto the bed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

─ NIKOLAI

"Yes, little dove," he poked your nose. "Why, my house is absolutely charmed to be in the presence of a wonderful, wonderful lady such as yourself," he bowed down to you, and his hat toppled off.

Clearly, he was trying to make you laugh. You giggled slightly, and he looked up at you with the most awed look ever. That laugh. He loved it.

He straightened up after taking his hat back from the floor and putting it on.

"Would you like to remain in the vicinity of this poor jester, my little dove?"

"Yeah," you sniffed your tears away and let him lead you by the hand to his bed.

The two of you lay down after he changed his clothes. It wasn't awkward at all, surprisingly. You had thought sharing a bed with your crush would be embarrassing. But somehow, the way his eye, free from his usual eyepatch, looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing in the world, made you realize that you would agree to have ten more mental breakdowns if it meant being with him.

Nikolai saw that you caught him staring, and winked at you before his eyes turned mischievous. Before you could ask what he had found, a portal opened near your stomach and he began tickling you, just to hear that heavenly sound of your laughter again

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

© chuulyssa 2024 - do not copy, plagiarize or repost my works on any platforms. do not translate.

[kolyasupremanxy]

𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰/ 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫

𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : 𝐍𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐂𝐡𝐮𝐮𝐲𝐚 , 𝐃𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐢 𝐎𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮 , 𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 𝐆𝐨𝐠𝐨𝐥 , 𝐅𝐲𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫 𝐃𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐞𝐯𝐬𝐤𝐲 , 𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐦𝐚

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.3k

𝐀/𝐧: I enjoyed writing this coz i love playing with ppl's hair lol, thanks anon! ANON HUHU SRY I accidentally deleted your request cuz i forgot to schedule it later and it got posted too soon so i deleted it TT. Sorryyy

—𝐍𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐂𝐡𝐮𝐮𝐲𝐚

Chuuya leaned back on the couch, his head resting on his s/o's chest. He closed his eyes and let out a content sigh as their fingers played with his hair. It was a feeling he had grown to love, and he couldn't resist the urge to let out a small chuckle.

"You really love playing with my hair, don't you?" he asked, a smirk on his lips.

His s/o smiled down at him, their fingers still tangled in his hair. "Of course I do. It's so soft and silky, and it looks amazing when it's styled."

Chuuya couldn't help but feel a little bashful at the compliment, but he was also secretly pleased. He tilted his head back a little further, allowing his s/o better access to his hair.

"You know, you're the only one I let do this," he said, his voice softening.

His s/o's hand stilled for a moment before continuing their gentle strokes. "Really? Why's that?"

Chuuya chuckled. "Because it's just for you. I don't want anyone else touching my hair like this."

His s/o smiled down at him, their eyes sparkling with amusement. "Well, I feel honored then."

Chuuya let out a small laugh before tilting his head up to look at his s/o. "You know, I love it when you play with my hair like this. It's so relaxing and calming. It's like you're lulling me to sleep."

His s/o smiled softly at him. "That's the idea. I want you to feel calm and relaxed."

Chuuya closed his eyes again, his breathing steady and calm. He was so comfortable in this position, and he knew he could stay like this forever. He was glad that his s/o loved playing with his hair, and he couldn't imagine anyone else doing it quite like they did.

—𝐃𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐢 𝐎𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮

Dazai snuggled closer to his s/o, enjoying the feeling of her fingers running through his hair. He let out a contented sigh, feeling relaxed and at ease in her arms. He loved the way her touch felt against his scalp, the gentle tugs and pulls sending shivers down his spine.

"Your hair is so soft, Dazai," she said, her fingers continuing to run through his hair.

Dazai chuckled. "I'm glad you think so. I've always taken good care of it."

"I can tell," she replied, her voice filled with warmth and affection.

Dazai closed his eyes and focused on the sensation of her fingers, letting himself get lost in the moment. He felt safe and happy, knowing that he was loved and cared for. He shifted slightly, snuggling even closer to her and resting his head on her chest.

She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close as she continued to play with his hair. Dazai let out another sigh, feeling completely content and at peace.

"Thank you for doing this," he said, his voice soft and quiet.

"For playing with your hair?" she asked.

"For everything," Dazai replied. "For being here for me, for loving me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

His s/o smiled and leaned down to press a gentle kiss to the top of his head. "I'll always be here for you, Dazai. No matter what."

Dazai smiled and closed his eyes, feeling grateful and blessed to have her in his life. He knew that he could always count on her, and that thought brought him a sense of peace that he had never known before.

—𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 𝐆𝐨𝐠𝐨𝐥

Nikolai's s/o brushed her fingers through his hair, playing with the long braid that rested on his chest.

Nikolai let out a contented sigh and shifted his head, getting comfortable in his s/o's embrace. "You always know how to make me feel relaxed," he said.

His s/o smiled softly. "Your hair is so soft and nice to play with. It's like running my fingers through silk."

Nikolai chuckled. "I take good care of it. It's important to keep it in good condition."

"I can tell," his s/o replied. "It's always so shiny and smooth."

Nikolai hummed in agreement, enjoying the soothing sensation of his s/o's fingers running through his hair. "You know, I never used to let anyone touch my hair like this," he said. "But with you, it feels natural and comforting."

"I'm glad," his s/o said. "I love being close to you like this."

Nikolai closed his eyes and relaxed, savoring the feeling of his s/o's gentle touch. It was moments like this that made him feel truly content and at peace.

—𝐅𝐲𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫 𝐃𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐞𝐯𝐬𝐤𝐲

Fyodor shifted slightly on his s/o's chest, adjusting his position so that he could continue reading comfortably.

His s/o's fingers ran through his hair, and he closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation.

"I could do this all day," his s/o said with a contented sigh.

Fyodor opened his eyes and looked up at her. "I wouldn't mind that," he said softly, placing a bookmark in his book and setting it aside.

His s/o smiled down at him, continuing to run her fingers through his hair. "You have such soft hair, Fyodor," she said.

Fyodor tilted his head back slightly, a small smile playing at his lips. "I'm glad you like it," he said.

His s/o leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead before resuming her ministrations. "It's relaxing, you know?" she said. "Just sitting here with you, playing with your hair."

Fyodor closed his eyes again, letting out a soft hum of agreement. "It is," he said. "I feel...content."

They lay there in silence for a few minutes, enjoying each other's company. Fyodor's s/o continued to play with his hair, and he continued to relax into her touch.

Finally, Fyodor spoke up. "Thank you for being here with me," he said.

His s/o looked down at him, a soft smile on her lips. "Always," she said. "I'll always be here for you."

Fyodor reached up and took her hand in his, intertwining their fingers. "I'm grateful for that," he said. "Truly."

—𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐦𝐚

Sigma was comfortably lying on his s/o's chest, his long hair fanned out around him as his s/o played with the soft strands. He was engrossed in the book he was reading, but he couldn't help but smile contentedly at the feeling of his s/o's gentle touch on his hair. It was one of the many small things he loved about their relationship.

As his s/o continued to play with his hair, Sigma let out a small sigh of contentment. "You know, I could get used to this," he said, glancing up at his s/o with a smile.

His s/o chuckled softly. "I'm glad you're enjoying it. I love playing with your hair."

Sigma closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of his s/o's fingers running through his hair. "It's so relaxing," he murmured. "I feel like I could fall asleep right here."

His s/o laughed again, their fingers continuing to work through the tangles in Sigma's hair. "Well, if you do, I promise to keep you safe," they said teasingly.

Sigma chuckled softly, snuggling closer to his s/o. "I wouldn't have it any other way," he said, the warmth of his s/o's body seeping into his own.

For a while, the two of them simply lay there in silence, the only sound the turning of pages as Sigma read his book. But eventually, Sigma set his book aside, turning to look up at his s/o with a smile.

"Thank you," he said softly. "For everything. I love you."

His s/o smiled back, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Sigma's forehead. "I love you too," they said, their fingers never stopping their gentle movements through Sigma's hair. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

And with those words, Sigma closed his eyes, feeling safe and content in his s/o's arms. He knew that no matter what happened in life, he would always have his s/o by his side, ready to offer comfort and support whenever he needed it. And for that, he was eternally grateful.

Do Not Copy or Plagiarize Any of My Works. Reblogs Are Very Appreciated.

[doukeshi-kun]

Dad Nikolai is definitely the type of dad to walk around shirtless all the time especially during the summer. Like he's the dad that while all the kids are outside playing, he's chilling, not a shirt in sight. Sun's out, tiddies out. Gimme his breasts pls 🙏

𝙙𝙖𝙙!𝙣𝙞𝙠𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙞 + 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨

replies ✥ oh hell yea tiddies outttt

contents ✥ fluff, suggestive , oc kids (yuri, mari, karol), fem!reader

Nikolai treats you like a queen.

His words and manners are enough proof that he sees you as one. You could not remember how many times have you felt so down about your appearance, especially after three pregnancies. But Nikolai would always be there, hands slithering on your body, tracing your curves and folds and fleshes and bones, with his lips uttering how beautiful you are.

And he is such a great father as well. He makes sure your children all tell you how beautiful and pretty and cute you are. Yuri is a good boy—he always says nice things to you. Mari wants to be as pretty as you—she said. And Karol... Well, he often compares you with his favourite Hot Wheels cars, so you take it as a compliment.

It's summer. The sun is bright outside. It is a little windy, it is such a nice weather to chill. You are standing right outside your house, monitoring Yuri and Mari who are gardening. They seem to be focused on choosing between succulents. Yuri has taken a new interest these days and you are more than happy to support him—and Nikolai is always eager to play with Yuri, despite the boy's annoyance.

“Dad, dad! Bell man gonna come! Just waaatch!”

“I don't understand you, Karol...”

You hear your husband's voice and you turn to the side, seeing Nikolai's pinky getting pulled by Karol who is excited about some 'bell man'. Nikolai notices you and mouthes 'Help me' with a pleading pout.

However, your eyes are wandering away.

You know Nikolai likes to be shirtless—and this man is a nudist after 2AM—but there is just something else about his look right now.

Shirtless, black shorts, hair in a bun. His chest is toned, with lines of his muscles. His shoulders are just as broad as you remember.

You do not know if it is hormones or you are just attracted by how good of a father he is, but he definitely stirs something in you. You find yourself to be staring hard at his physique—has he exercised or something? Why do his arms look so strong and firm? Why does his waist look so huggable? Are his muscles already looked that toned and visible?

“Pervert alert.”

You swallow nervously when you realize that he is standing beside you. A timidity creeps up, and it feels like you two are young again. Nikolai grins, leaning closer to you. You feel your cheeks heat up and you lightly shove him by his chest, although it does nothing to nudge an inch of him.

“Aww, you shy now?” He teases again, holding your wrist and keeping your hand close to his body. Your fingers are brushing against his bare skin—he is slightly sweaty and he feels warm. Nikolai smirks, pressing your hand so you would palm his chest. “Come on, don't be shy. We've been together for years, my love.”

You pout, pinching his chest lightly. Instead of wincing, Nikolai only laughs, enjoying your reaction. “You’re so fun to tease. Always the same face. Never get tired of it, you know?” He says as he gives your ass a light smack, which you do not mind as much—he is always touchy. But his hand is lingering on your rear for a little too long.

He gives your ass a good squeeze, causing you to squirm and hitting his chest lightly. “D-Don't do that here... The kids—”

“Kids, go inside right now!” Suddenly Nikolai shouts at them and they immediately turn to both of you. You click your tongue in annoyance, attempting to pinch his stomach, but God—his body is firm.

“Don't listen to your dad. He's being stupid again.” You reply, assuring your kids that Nikolai is just joking. Both Mari and Karol are clearly confused but Yuri has the nastiest look on his face, which makes Nikolai cracks a wheeze of laughter.

“Isn't he always stupid though?” Yuri says. Karol gasps, looking at his big brother in disbelief.

“He is?!”

“He is.”

“I don't think daddy is stupid! I think he's just... mmm... selective smart!” Mari says and Nikolai cheers. He gets to his little princess and carries her up.

“Oh, my little flower! You really are your daddy's defender! Mwah!” He kisses her cheek, making Mari giggle. You smile to yourself but your smile falters into a shriek of embarrassment when Nikolai suddenly turns to you, saying, “It's okay, love. I'll carry you like this too.” He winks.

“Stop it,” You huff but your mind is already wandering elsewhere when you are starting to imagine how nice it feels when he wraps his strong arms around you. Your face heats up and you gaze away, trying not to look at your husband's flirtatious smile any longer.

“Bell man!” Karol suddenly shouts excitedly and both you and Nikolai turn to the gate, seeing Karol waddling to see an ice cream bike passing just in front of the house. The man on the bike is ringing a bell—a gesture to attract attention.

“Karol, don't go to the road!” Nikolai barks sternly as he puts down Mari. Yuri is already on his way to hold back his little brother who is excited for some ice cream when the ice cream man parks his bike right outside your yard. Mari looks at both you and Nikolai before grinning and following his brothers, seeming to want an ice cream too.

“Well, guess I have to buy ice cream for everyone,” Nikolai mumbles to himself. “Look after them for a while, sweetheart. I'm gonna get my wallet.”

“And... get your shirt,” You playfully smacks his chest, squeezing it. “Don't wanna have those aunties gawk their eyes on my husband now, do we?”

“Possessive, I like that,” Nikolai smirks as he slaps your butt lightly. “This is all yours, honey. No one has a chance, alright?” You giggle as you shove him back lightly, urging him to get inside and get dressed. Nikolai still has that perverted grin on his face as he walks into the house.

You turn to your kids, expecting a wholesome scenery of your kids choosing ice cream for each other, but all you see is Karol standing on the bike with the ice cream man—not even Yuri or Mari is stopping him.

©doukeshi-kun 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, more @/cherikolya

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

[kolyasangel]

oh baby!

synopsis: you have baby fever and nikolai is intrigued...

content: fem!reader, husband!nikolai, fluff, suggestive ending

You don't even know how you got here. You were currently clothes shopping with Nikolai, but you somehow wandered into the baby's clothing section, looking at the small garments.

"There you are. I've been looking for you." Your husband's voice called for you. It didn't take long for him to find you, so he must've already been nearby. You saw he was holding some things, a few plain shirts and a jacket with a black and white checkered pattern draped over his arm. He noticed the jacket caught your eye, so he held it up for you to see and get your opinion on what you thought about it.

"Do you like it? I saw it and I thought it would suit me, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I do! You know, you really own black and white." You chuckled. Nikolai smiled contently and placed the jacket over his arm again before taking the shopping bags you were holding, wanting to hold them for you. His eyes shifted, suddenly aware of his surroundings.

"Sooo, what are you doing here? Do you have something to tell me?" He nudged your shoulder with his elbow.

"No! I'm just- just.. looking around.." You quickly responded, realizing what he meant by his question.

"Looking around? I don't think these clothes will fit you, dove." He playfully teased as he picked up a baby outfit before placing it back on the rack. You didn't miss the slight smile on his face while he looked at the tiny outfit.

As you two left the baby section, you continued to browse leisurely around different shops with Nikolai, hand holding onto his bicep. This surprised him because you usually didn't like showing such affection in public, but he didn't mind at all, of course. In fact, he loved it, but he couldn't help but notice you were being more clingy than usual.

You've already envisioned countless heartwarming scenarios of Nikolai embracing fatherhood. One in particular was your favorite to imagine, a disheveled and sleep-deprived Nikolai tenderly feeding his newborn from a bottle, the baby's tiny hand holding his finger. Others consisted of him buckling up the child in their car seat, dropping them off on the first day of school, making them laugh uncontrollably by smothering their little face in smooches, and many more. You imagined who your child would look like more, maybe Nikolai. The possibility of them inheriting his beautiful eyes filled your heart with immense happiness.

It's not like you didn't want to tell him, but the uncertainty of what he might say kept you on edge, even if you didn't know for sure. What if he doesn't even want kids? What if he says no? You knew you would have to tell him sooner or later though, since it wasn't like he could read your mind. The last time you even remembered Nikolai ever mentioning or interacting with kids was when he said babies look 'squishy' after an encounter in the grocery store where one kept staring and smiling at him in an aisle. You swore you felt the eggs shoot out of your ovaries as you watched that scene unfold. Something about him with a child just looked so right.

Nikolai wasn't clueless. He had already picked up the hints a while ago and realized that you might be contemplating starting a family, but he still wanted to hear the words directly from your mouth. The idea of starting a family excited him, yet it also made him nervous. While he would be more than happy to have children with you, doubts plagued his mind as he feared he wouldn't be a good enough father. Nevertheless, he would be lying if he said he'd never thought about it before. He would be lying if he said a warm feeling didn't grow in his chest whenever he heard you talk fondly about children.

Later that evening, Nikolai suggested he try some of the new clothing he bought in front of you. You agreed and lay on the bed, watching as he removed his shirt each time, leaving him shirtless and just in sweatpants for a short moment before he tried on the next one. You've seen him shirtless many times, but each time left you absolutely breathless.

He tried on the last shirt, and you gulped as it just had to do him so much justice. It was more form-fitting than the previous ones he tried on, his fingers running over the outline of his toned muscles visible through the fabric.

"I think I should only wear this one in front of you," he laughed as he winked at you flirtatiously before sliding the shirt off, leaving him shirtless once again. This time, it would stay that way. He then removed his hair tie and started to unbraid his hair, catching your gaze and offering a teasing smirk. It took everything in you to not push him down on the bed and-

"You like looking at me, don't you?" He raised his arms above his head, clearly wanting to show off his body for you. It almost seemed like he was doing it on purpose, ravishing your thirst for him.

"I'm sorry.." You don't know what you were apologizing for, your mind scrambled at this point.

"For what, dear? Don't be, you can stare all you want! It's all yours anyway." Nikolai seemed confused at your apology, so he swept some hair behind your ear to get a better look at you.

You stayed quiet, contemplating bringing up the topic now or later, now that you felt hot and bothered by his little show.

"What's wrong, dove? You seem to be lost in thought lately," he asked as he joined you in bed.

"I'm just.. thinking about something." You said.

He noticed your nervous demeanor and tilted your chin with his fingers to make you look at him. "Why've you been so shy with me, hm? You can tell me anything, you know I'll never get mad or judge you," he stroked your cheek gently before his hand trailed down to hold yours.

That's right. You always told Nikolai about anything and everything, so why was this any different? No matter what it was you talked to him about, he always made you feel heard. It was only a question after all, so you decided to just let it go and finally tell him.

"Kolya, what do you think about having kids?"

"Oh my! I knew it." He giggled before patting your cheek, amused at your question. You didn't know what kind of reaction you expected from him, but it certainly wasn't this.

"What do you mean?"

"You think I haven't caught onto your hints? You haven't been so discreet with your actions, sweetheart."

You felt a warm flush of embarrassment creeping up your face as you nervously fiddled with your fingers. It felt like a huge weight had just been lifted off your shoulders. He already knows.

"I know it's a major decision, but I feel ready.. and it's okay if you're not yet, I just thought I should let you know," you stammer.

He reached out and planted a soft kiss on your nose before speaking. "Well, I have thought about it before. Honestly, I don't know how great of a father I would be, but the thought of having a mini version of you running around the house sounds like a dream come true."

You felt a pang in your heart as you heard him speak ill of himself falling short of being a good father. The sad look on his face was discernable, it was the same one he had whenever he thought about the horrible actions committed in the past. It still made him shiver at times, regret consuming his mind whenever he sat on the thought for too long before you recognized his despair, rushing to comfort him.

"Nikolai, I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You're not who you used to be."

It was only natural for him to have worries due to his past, but the mere fact that he cared how he may affect you and his future children indicated that he was a changed man, so you made that point very clear to him.

He smiled at your comment and you felt a surge of emotions as he continued, "When I was younger, I never imagined myself getting married, but now I can't imagine having a family unless it's with you."

"Kolya, that's so sweet. I know this is new for the both of us but we'll work through this together. You're already an amazing husband so I have no doubt that you'll be the best father!" You expressed, gently squeezing his hand. A faint rosy hue dusted his cheeks, flustered by your praise.

"Thank you, dove.. and you're going to be such a wonderful mommy." He sighed as he mused about you being a mother to his children. So gentle, so caring, you would just be perfect. He could already see himself peppering your belly with kisses, blabbering on and on to his unborn child about frivolous things. The more he thought about it, the more he couldn't wait.

"What if I wake up in the middle of the night asking you for pickles and ice cream?"

Your adorable question caught him off guard, making him laugh. He imagined the scene happening in his head, and it was too cute for words.

Nikolai wakes up groggily as he feels you shaking his arm, wanting him to fulfill your request. "Kolyaaa.. I'm hungry and I need pickles with ice cream please.."

"Even if you do, I wouldn't mind at all, darling! If you want to eat ice cream with pickles or any other strange combination, then I'll gladly get it for you. I'll even try them with you."

Your eyes glimmered at his sweet response and trailed down to his chest, fingers running across his abs. You were overcome with so much love for him that you felt you couldn't wait any longer, and it seemed like Nikolai could tell.

"Kolya.."

"Hm?"

"I want to make cute chubby babies with you." You pleaded with cute eyes.

"Yeah? Right now?" He asked as he pulled you closer to him, finger hooking onto the strap of your tank top, sliding it off slowly before placing soft kisses on your shoulder. "How many?"

"Mm, one? No, two.."

"How about ten?"

"N-No! Too many."

He snickered and pushed you down onto the bed, climbing on top of you.

"Well then, we better get started if we wanna make those cute babies~"

[undiscovered-horizon]

In Emerald Hearts, Emerald Minds - Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

[mentions of unwanted advances + suggested groping + suggestive/sexual (consensual) themes]

☽ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ☾

SUMMARY: When Vasily asks you to forget his half-brother and marry him instead, you escape the Little Palace along Alina. Nikolai realizes something strange is going on when Kaz mentions seeing a similar emerald ring on the woman that came with the Sun Summoner. With how much you and Nikolai have been running in circles to find each other, the reunion aboard Volkvolny feels almost fated.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 4.6k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist&lt;<

It feels like the Winter Fete has been going on forever. The champagne keeps on being poured, the guests keep on dancing and the circus acts just keep on performing as though tomorrow is a mere mirage, a concept of a certain time period that never actually comes. Inside those walls of gold and marble, the misery devouring all of Ravka seems like nothing beyond a mad nightmare - something so removed from reality, it’s hilarious in its ridiculousness. Everyone is so carefree and happy you almost take their joy as your own.

Almost.

The orchestra begins playing Waltz of the Flowers and you feel your throat tighten. Despite doing your best not to, your mind relives that fateful night when everything changed. For the longest time, you’d been claiming that the change was for the better but now, standing alone for another year in a row and watching the dashing aristocrats spin to the music, you’re not so sure anymore.

“You really need to stop doing this,” Nikolai says firmly. Although his tone is decisive and clearly unwilling to accept defiance, a pronounced hint of amusement lives between his words - a thread of light-heartedness, one might say.

Your eyebrows gently furrow. “Doing what?”

“Smiling at me like that. Any longer and I might ask you to marry me.”

It feels like you’re about to burst at the seams. Trying to contain your emotions, and failing at it quite horribly, you bite your lower lip. “I might say yes.”

“Where have you gone, Kolya?” you whisper under your breath. The gloss of vacancy covering your eyes blurs the dancing bodies into one mass of faceless strangers. But it also makes you not notice someone approaching you.

“I find it quite admirable.”

Vasily’s voice startles you. To your now-gone relief, you didn’t have the displeasure of running into him all evening - until now. If you were to list all of the things about the older Lantsov son that makes your skin crawl, you’d be done by the time another Winter Fete is organized. The top of the list, however, deserves to be mentioned as it’s an inseparable part of your every interaction with the prince: he’s quite adamant and crude in his desire to be more than just a future brother-in-law to you.

“Excuse me?” you stutter out.

That patronizing look on his face is now accompanied by a cocky half-grin as he realizes he caught you off-guard. “Your devotion to my brother. For all we know, he might be already dead, Saints’ protect him.”

“Don’t even say that!” you hiss at him. Right after, you look around to check whether one of the guests has noticed your unpleasant exchange.

Despite what you’ve just said, you know he’s right. There’s no way you can be sure that your Kolya is either dead or alive. Perhaps this is the detail further ripping your heart apart - you don’t know anything about his fate; you’re mourning, although you’re yet to see the coffin. You haven’t for a few years now and each passing month of silence only made court gossip more cruel and bold.

“All I’m saying, dearest,” Vasily begins quietly as his hand drags along your arm, “is that the moment the news of Nikolai’s death reaches the Grand Palace, you’ll be thrown out. On the other hand, I can make you the Queen of Ravka. And unlike my brother, I won’t disappear off the face of the Earth and forget about his beloved lady.”

The word of endearment is dripping with sarcasm as it leaves his chapped lips. His breath reeks of alcohol and you unknowingly turn your head away. Vasily seems to think you’re about to leave his side, so his hand tightly grips your arm. The hold is almost bruising. He yanks you even closer towards himself.

“Kolya hasn’t forgotten about me,” you say in a shaky voice. Maybe he’s not as foolish as he appears and Vasily is genuinely trying to break you down.

The prince studies your face for a moment, definitely noticing how shaken you are. His eyes have the strangest glint to them - something between desire and contempt. “Is that so?” he barely stifles a grim laugh. “He would have written you a letter if that were true, no?”

Tears sting your eyes. Vasily is certainly smarter, or at least more cruel, than he lets on. He knows exactly what to say to get into your head. It’s a startling difference between him and Nikolai - only one of them does what he can to keep a smile on your face. Well, did.

His dirty, rough hand grabs your chin. Vasily forces you to look at him, his smile wavers upon noticing your desperation. “Consider your options, зайка,” he purrs out. The prince’s other hand trails your face. “The choice is yours.”

A tear falls down your cheek. You feel it rolling across your skin and you silently hope the guests surrounding you are watching this scene. Then, you lean in even closer to Vasily’s face. The whisper leaves your lips like a viper’s venomous hiss: "I will marry you the day you lay his dead body at my feet."

To your surprise, Vasily drops his hands and takes a step back. Despite the self-assured smile on his face, you can see the fury inside his eyes. “As you wish.” He bows curtly, turns on his heel and marches away, undoubtedly looking for another glass of alcohol and a lady naive enough to warm his bed.

The palace suddenly feels stuffy and overcrowded; the music is too loud, the plethora of smells make your head spin.

Outside. You need to get outside.

Bumping into several guests and mumbling half-coherent apologies, you run through the halls of the Little Palace. When the cold, night air hits your flushed cheeks, only then do you stop. Taking in a deep breath, you can actually feel your thoughts becoming clearer. 

With each gust of freezing wind, all the anger and sadness is leaving your shaking body. Vasily just wanted to get a rise out of you and, as much as you don’t want to admit it, he succeeded. Unlike he claims, Nikolai surely is alive. Maybe bruised or sick or not sleeping well but as long as there’s no news about him being dead, he is as alive as one can be. The same starry sky hangs above your and his heads. Perhaps, in this small moment of longing, he’s thinking about you too. Wherever he is.

A tired sigh leaves your lips. You’re about to turn around and go back inside when a silhouette moving in the night catches your attention. The shape is swift although careful like a lizard approaching a fly. You see them looking around before running for another few meters only to hide behind a bush or piece of architecture.

Curious and a little scared, you follow the stranger towards one of the carriages. Quietly, you get close enough to grab their wrist. The shape lets out a gasp and turns around to look at you.

“Alina?!” you whisper. What in Saints’ mercy is she doing? You look at her warm, casual clothes and the bag on her back. “Are you running away?”

“I need to leave,” she answers equally quietly. Her voice as well as her stare is filled with certainty - she’s convinced beyond reasonable doubt this is the right thing to do. “Please, don’t try to stop me.”

You let go of her hand. “Stop you?” A dry chuckle leaves your lips. “I’m coming with you.”

“What?” she deadpans. Alina is staring at you with a vacant stare and her mouth slightly agape. Apparently exchanging royal comforts for hay and stolen apples is unthinkable.

“If I have to spend one more day around Vasily, I will murder someone.”

Alina slowly nods her head - she can definitely understand the sentiment. A dimwitted Fjerdan would have more charm than the older prince. But then she squints her eyes, looking at you with a sense of scepticism.

“Out there, there won’t be warm beds and three-course dinners, you know?”

“I know,” you answer with a careless shrug. Loitering and wandering isn’t for ladies of your sort, it’s like throwing a finless fish into a tank with sharks. Despite that, you’re quite convinced the means justify the end, at least in this scenario. “But out there is my Kolya. And I’m done politely waiting for him.”

A shadow of sadness covers her face. If there’s anyone who can understand your plight, it’s her. In fact, she is luckier than you - she saw her lover maybe an hour ago. Pleasant or unpleasant, the meeting confirmed to her that Mal is at least alive. It’s not a privilege you could afford.

“Then let’s go,” she says to you before opening the chest in the back of the carriage. Forgetting all of your etiquette and social standing, you climb into the compartment with her. Towards adventure or death, you’re going somewhere.

“The ring gave you away,” Kaz announces. “It’s too expensive for a bodyguard.”

Jesper knits his eyebrows together, suddenly remembering something. He leans towards Kaz but speaks a little too loudly for the question to be inconspicuous: “Didn’t that girl wear the same-”

When Kaz’s cold glare meets Jesper’s squinted eyes, the dark-skinned man immediately closes his mouth halfway through the question. Both of them sit back as they were but the cat is already out of the bag. Well, not entirely - half of it is peeking out of the metaphorical sack.

Nikolai looks between them with unmissable suspicion. Although he’s heard enough to be aware of the possibility that the Sun Summoner isn’t travelling by herself, this is the first time either of the Crows admits it.

His heart begins to beat slightly quicker: Alina run away from the Little Palace along with another woman and that lady was wearing a royal jewel at the time. As long as Vasily didn’t lose his signet on one of his distasteful escapades, the course of events points to only one person - you. Shoving his restless excitement into the deepest chasms of his heart, Nikolai manages to remain his composure:

“Who was wearing that ring?” The prince-turned-privateer unknowingly fiddles with the heavy jewellery on his finger. Noticing the Crows’ reluctance, he makes them an offer: “If you tell me who you saw wearing an emerald ring, I might, say, give you ten minutes to escape.” Nikolai vaguely gestures to the closed window on his right-hand side.

Kaz knows there’s no point in lying any longer. The man in front of him is not only well-informed but also smarter than he looks, making the Crow wonder whether he also knows the answer to this question but prefers to play some kind of a game. In any event, he’s done his part of the deal and his ex-accomplices are left to their own devices. Additionally, he could really use those ten minutes. “A young woman that accompanied Alina Starkov. High-born, confident, decisive. Not a Grisha as far as I know.”

“Not a Lantsov, obviously,” Jesper chips in.

Brekker’s keen eyes catch the barely noticeable change in Sturmhond’s expression - the corner of his mouth merely stuttered up and down but it is enough to tell Kaz as much as he needs:

“You know her.”

Know her? If Nikolai had a weaker grip on his emotions at the moment, he’d laugh until his stomach and diaphragm hurt and then he’ll burst with laughter once more, unspeakably joyous that he might get to see her sooner than he thought. Yes, he does know her but in the way heart knows blood and lungs know air. She’s the ligament that keeps his bones together, the fibres that construct his muscles, the very blood that runs in his veins. Does the Moon simply know the stars? Do trees know their roots and branches?

But for now, he needs to stay focused. 

“Not really,” Sturmhond answers while scrunching his nose. “Many aristocrats wear a ring like that. While I may know of a lot of them, I hardly know anything about them.”

Kaz fights back a mocking half-grin begging to twist his thin lips. “I’d argue that an emerald in Ravka is a rather rare gem.”

“Hers is probably genuine. Mine’s stolen.”

Silence falls between the three men. Nikolai and Kaz are staring each other down, battling in some kind of war of wits and nerves, waiting for the other to give in. Jesper is stealing glances at both of them, feeling the cold tension rise in the air.

Against his deep-seated desire, Kaz doesn’t inquire further about the emeralds or the strange coincidence that the two enigmatic characters wearing them might know each other. He sits back in the chair, his shoulders visibly drop. As much as he’d love to dig deeper, he’d much rather get out of here and reclaim his freedom that is now endangered.

“Well, gentlemen,” Nikolai begins in an upbeat tone, “your ten minutes start now.”

Without saying anything else, he leaves the room. Only then, when the dark, wooden door close behind him, does he let suppressed emotions wash over him. A quiet chuckle brushes past his lips and for a moment even tears sting his eyes. Delight, worry, relief - conflicting sensations merge into one, completely overpowering flame burning inside his chest.

Maybe he doesn’t have the Sun Summoner and he still needs to come up with a plan to catch her but Nikolai hasn’t been this happy for a while now: his солиышко is alright, still making the world brighter and warmer. If he can get to Alina Starkov, he might see her again, although he begins to wonder whether she wishes to see him after all those years of silence and ignorance. But if he can see her, just witness the marvel of her entire being even for one last second, he’ll be cured of the longing and loneliness that has been gnawing at him ever since he left Os Alta.

You’re following the Shu man to what you assume is his captain’s cuddy. The ship creeks and groans under the weight of the crew as well as the power of the waves. The bussing crewmen spare the three of you a glance, only to show disinterest and go back to their duties. It’s a nice change compared to the kerchen ship you travelled on to Novyi Zem, where the captain asked Alina and you to stay under the deck because of the sailors’ superstition. After getting off the ship, it took you a good week to wash out the reek of cured cod from your clothes and hair. Sometimes you still felt like you can smell it in the air, even in the dusty wind sweeping through Novyi Zem.

Your ‘guide’ pushes the door and they swing open with a creak, the list of the ship aiding the motion. Except for the squeaky hinges, probably rusting faster than anyone can manage, Volkvolny is in good shape. In fact, it looks brand new - no mould or woodworms.

“Captain, request for charter,” the stocky stranger announces with a hint of amusement or excitement in his voice. Despite his imposing visage, the Shu man has made a good impression on you but the long sword on his back kept you vigilant against getting too comfortable in his company.

Only when he moves to the side, presenting the three of you to his captain, do you see the face of the infamous Sturmhond.

You want to laugh. In fact, you have to clench your fists to stop yourself from bursting out with laughter. This situation feels like the strangest coincidence that you can think of, which in turn makes you suspect that it’s not a coincidence at all. Because what are the odds?

Nikolai’s face momentarily brightens up when he recognizes you, a new glint lights up his eyes. He looks different than you remember but in all the right ways: his shoulders look broader and his hair is longer, curling in a way that makes him appear more infantile. You remembered him as a handsome man but the Nikolai in front of you is beautiful enough to be considered unreal.

He's staring into you like a deer caught in headlights until Tolya hands him Alina’s unusual means of payment. As Nikolai is turning the piece of jewellery in his fingers, you notice another change: his hands look rougher, definitely scarred from all the adventures you hope you’re yet to hear about.

The blond prince turns his attention back to Alina, Mal and you. “A gold hairpin can get you anywhere. But an emerald ring?” He gestures to you. “It can get you everywhere.”

“It’s not for sale,” you answer, although you know he’s not trying to buy it. After all, he’s the one that gave it to you.

“I don’t want it.” Nikolai shakes his head. Then, a flirty smile appears on his face. “Looks better on you anyway, doll.”

You’re about to respond to his remark when his attention is once again placed on Alina. “Now, Tolya says you’re looking for a charter. Where are we sailing?”

Alina begins the story with ‘the creation of the world’ as your mother used to say: the Little Palace, Darkling, Morozova’s amplifiers and the Fold. Nikolai nods along, never giving away that he’s privy to most of the story. He doesn’t believe in the Sea Whip at first but that’s hardly his fault - not too long ago people wouldn’t believe in the existence of the Sun Summoner and now she’s standing beside you, nervously rubbing her hand. As you have expected from the moment you saw that Nikolai is Sturmhond, he agrees to the insanity of taking up the quest to catch the amplifier.

“Tolya will show you around.” He sends you off. You’re about to follow your friends out of the cuddy when he adds: “You, emerald lady, I’d like to talk to in private.”

Alina gives you a concerned look (‘blink twice if you need help’)  but you only smile and nod at her in response. With Mal tugging at her arm, she reluctantly leaves you and Sturmhond alone.

The moment the door closes behind Tolya and your friends, Nikolai runs around his desk towards you, engulfing you in a bone-crushing hug. His hand threads through your hair, pushing your head further into the crook of his neck. Even if you tried, there’s no way you can pull away or even move. Taking a deep breath, you smell the familiar fragrance of his cologne but now it’s mixed with the scent of resin, saltwater and seaweed.

Then he pulls away, looking you up and down with burning worry. “Are you alright? Are you hurt? What are you doing here?”

You swear he could be bleeding out on the floor and still he’d be apologizing for staining your clothes. It’s heartwarming that despite the years and evident change in his appearance, Kolya is still Kolya.

A wide smile enters your face. “Looking for a frisky sailor to take me on a voyage filled with indecency, obviously.”

“Well, here he is.” Nikolai points to himself and winks at you. “And he’d really like to know why you’re in Novyi Zem with the Sun Summoner and whats-his-face and not in the Grand Palace in Os Alta.”

You let out a heavy sigh and shake your head gently. “I grew tired, Kolya.” His eyebrows slant upon hearing the exhaustion in your voice. Despite the sheer happiness he feels when you say his name, the concern gnawing at his heart seems to be more powerful. “Years have gone by without you giving me even the tiniest sign that you’re alive and well. And your brother, Saint’s have mercy on him because I won’t, has been adamant about marrying me ever since you left. I told him I will accept his proposal the day he lays your dead body before me.” You make pause, noticing a strange shadow hanging over Nikolai’s face. But he’s not saying anything for a moment, so you finish what you wanted to say: “I had to get away from it all. There’s only so much uncertainty and intruding fingers a lady can take.”

“By the Saints,” he breathes out, “did Vasily lay a hand on you?”

You feel his grip around you tighten but it’s not painful, rather securing. “If you’re asking whether he hit me or forced himself on me, then no, he did not. He did, however, make it abundantly clear what he wants from me. On multiple occasions.”

Nikolai’s face twists in a scowl. The glint that lit up his eyes when he saw you is now gone, exchanged for something dark and unstable. “I’m so sorry, if I knew-”

“I know, love,” you interrupt him. He doesn’t need to announce the ends he’d go to in order to ensure you’re safe and comfortable. Nikolai has never said or done so but you’re fairly convinced he wouldn’t shy away from fistfighting Vasily if he said something less-than-savoury to you. “But neither of us could have known.”

“I promised you’d be safe in Os Alta.”

“And I promised to stay put.” You can’t keep laughter in any longer. You’re not quite sure whether your chuckle is born out of happiness or disbelief. “Now look at us.”

Suddenly, he knits his eyebrows close. At first, you think he’s confused but then the slight rise of his cheeks suggests something closer to contempt or disgust. "Would you actually marry Vasily if he gave you my dead body?"

You can only give him an indifferent shrug. "Maybe?” you ponder aloud. “If you were dead, I would lose all care about what happens to me or with me. In a way, I’d be dead too."

Nikolai takes one of your hands and kisses its fingers. Your breath hitches in your throat when you feel his warm lips against your skin. “I could never rest in peace knowing how he’s treating you.”

“Having you haunt me would be incomparably better than you just being gone. Everything is better than silence.”

His shoulders slouch. Nikolai looks away from you for a moment, admiring the floor in his cuddy but even this can’t hide his guilt and shame. “I couldn’t have just popped in for a visit. Not anywhere in Ravka.”

"You couldn't even have written me a letter?"

"Someone at the palace would recognize my handwriting. I couldn't risk it."

"Then you could have dictated the letter to one of your crew."

That self-assured, flirty smirk appears again on his face. "And scandalize my crewmen with the things I want to tell you?”

As much as you’ve dearly missed his insufferable humour, at the moment it’s making your skin crawl. “This is a serious conversation, Nikolai,” you state firmly.

“I am serious, солиышко.” The pet name rolls off his tongue with both weight and lightness as though it belongs exclusively to you and no one else can ever claim it as their own. He kisses your hand again but keeps it against his lips for a while longer. Then, he places your fingers on his chest and you can feel the soft thrumming of his heart. “Do you think I never thought about writing to you? That I didn’t stay up at night thinking about what I will tell you when we meet again? Countless letters I have begun only to tear them apart and throw them into the sea or burn them. If some people found out we know each other, you’d be in much greater danger than Darkling following your steps. I’d rather deal with the heartbreak of staying away from you than know I put you in danger because I can’t live without you.”

It brings you a grim sense of comfort that he’s been equally torn as you were over the lack of contact. You never thought about it before but Nikolai must have been worried sick, not knowing whether you’re alright and happy. Has he imagined your plight and misery as often as you did his?

“What did you write in those letters?” you ask in a shaky voice.

“I wrote about how much I miss you, how it physically hurts to consider that you might think I have abandoned you. When I was hungry, cold, tired or sick, only the memories of you made me push on. On nights when I couldn’t sleep, I’d stare at the sky above me and wonder whether you’re looking at the same stars. I wrote that wherever I go, I see your face. You are in every sunrise and sunset, every flower I see and every fire that warms me.” Nikolai lets go of your fingers, placing both of his hands on either side of your face. The softness in his eyes makes you swoon. “I only wrote the truth,” he says slowly, making sure you understand the weight of his words.

Swallowing back tears, you lean into his warm touch. “My beloved, my heart yearns for you?” you jest in a dramatic voice.

A playful smile creeps back unto his lips. “If only my heart.”

“Gross.”

“You wanted a frisky sailor.”

"You’re a pirate, not a sailor.”

"I’m a privateer,” he drones out the word as though it makes a world of a difference.

"Pirate sounds sexier."

Nikolai gives you a fake frown. “Oh, I definitely am a pirate."

Without thinking twice, he’s kissing you. The sensation is just as comforting as you remember. His soft lips are doting on you, growing needier with each peck as though this is some feverish attempt at making up the lost time. 

He pulls away to catch his breath and although you’re panting yourself, you unknowingly chase after him, unwilling to dismiss this carnal desire just yet. Nikolai seems to notice your eagerness - he flashes you a cocky grin and shortly pecks your lips again.

“You crossed Ravka, the Fold and the sea just to find me?” he whispers. His eyes are stuck to your wet, swollen mouth.

“And I’d do it a hundred more times if I had to.”

You exchange a few more hungry kisses, pecking and nipping at each other’s lips, before Nikolai continues the conversation:

“I want to say that I’m flattered but I’d rather not encourage you to do something this stupid and dangerous ever again.���

“Hate to break it to you but you took all the stupid with you.”

He rests his forehead against yours; hot, laboured breaths brush against your flushed cheeks. “I’d like to clarify that I’m not stupid, I just can’t seem to think about anything other than you.”

Nikolai wraps his arms around your waist. In a swift motion, he turns you around and pushes you against the edge of his desk. His strength surprises you when Nikolai effortlessly lifts you and places you atop the table, pushing off maps and navigation essentials. Firm, warm hands are restlessly wandering across your body, unsure where to lay or what to grab.

You gasp quietly when his fingers sneak underneath your shirt. “Is this the indecent part of the voyage, my frisky sailor?”

“By the Saints, I hope so,” he whispers against your lips. Then, he furrows his eyebrows questioningly. “Is that offensive to say around a living Saint?”

“I don’t think Alina heard you.”

His nimble fingers are quickly undoing the buttons on your clothes. “Well, she will hear you in a moment.”

“Gross,” you say with laughter in your voice but the word gets muffled as Nikolai gets back to kissing you again.

Even if the crew did hear you that day, no one dared say a word.

зайка [zay-ka] - bunny (feminine; term of endearment)

солиышко [sol-nee-shko] - little sun (unisex; term of endearment)

[osachiyo]

⊹ note. . .stole this idea from my wife's thoughts :( so sorry stinky but it was too hot− you are truly a genius <3 ya'll she did one here so go check hers out as well !!! >:( | no warnings, it's pretty straightfoward− you ride kolya's face with clown makeup on <3 kolya eats ass btw he told me (mdni)

↓ divider is by @/cafekitsune !! :D

you finally pulled away from your boyfriend− the clownish makeup suiting him perfectly. it was totally his style too, and he loved it. though you will say, the process of actually putting the makeup on him was quite....exhausting. he kept touching random products and asking you stupid questions like−

"hey- baby, what does this do?" he was holding up a container of concealer, pumping some out and rubbing it on his hands like soap. you quickly snatched the bottle away from him− facepalming as he sniffed his hand and looked up at you with a grin. "don't waste the product, kolya! this was like− 30 dollars!" you scolded, putting it away from his reach. nikolai only pouted before sitting still and letting you resume your work.

yeah, that was very irritating but whatever, right? at least the suffering was worth the final product. god, did he look like the most handsome clown ever− towering over you with a malicious grin as he slowly backed you up against the wall. "my my, what a pretty lady we have here? why has such a beauty like you come to this humble clown?" ugh, was he really getting into character right now? whatever, you figured it would be fun to play along, right?

"well, mister clown, I wanted to see what tricks you have up those sleeves of yours~" you spoke slowly, feigning innocence as you gave him your best doe-eyes, getting on your tippy toes to wrap your arms around the so called "clown's" neck− his lips stretching to reveal a downright maniacal grin as he gripped your waist, "oh my ! well, I'd be glad to show you a very... special trick of mine.."

and that's how you ended up seated comfortably on nikolai's face− him being nose deep into your gushing cunt as you gripped the headboard. "f-fuck− kolya! feels so good.." you babbled, basically humping his face− the lipstick you put on him earlier now completely smudged, some of it even stained your inner thighs− and of course on your pretty little clit.

he didn't tease− nor did he want to this time, much to your surprise. and who were you to complain when his tongue was buried deep inside of you? his pointy nose nudging your clit as he devoured you like his very last meal on earth. his hands were grabbing the plush globes of your ass− fingernails digging into the soft fat which were for sure to leave marks the following morning.

"s-shit− doll," he moaned into your cunt, eyes rolling back behind closed lids as he went drunk from your taste. you tasted like the sweetest ambrosia to him and god, was it nasty how his tongue pulled out of your pussy to lick at your puckered hole− a squeal leaving your mouth at the new sensation. your hips were shaking at this point, nails digging into the hard wood of your bedpost and leaving small indents. kolya only snickered at your reaction before going back to slurp at your cunt.

you felt borderline intoxicated by the feeling of his tongue pushing in and out− nose repeatedly brushing against your swollen clit and something in you finally snapped.

nikolai let out a guttural groan when you grabbed a fistful of his snowy hair before grinding down on his face. his eyes widened momentarily at your bold move, slurping your juices with even more ferocity and eagerness− he was desperate to have you cum all over his mouth.

and you did, squirting all over his face with a broken moan leaving your plump lips− your lover happily gulping down everything you had to offer.

you finally got off his face once he was done cleaning you up, and god was he drenched. nikolai's face was flushed down to his neck, the makeup completely ruined− leaving him looking utterly debauched. a sleazy grin splayed on his swollen red lips but his eyes held mischief, "didn't expect you to squirt f'me, sweetheart. should've done this ages ago."

"yeah, yeah− lets clean up now, hm?" you sighed, running a hand through your mess of a ponytail. "oh, but we haven't even gone to the good part yet~" he pouted, wrapping his arms around you as he buried his face into your neck, breathing in your scent.

"I'll suck you o−!" you got cut off by your own yelp when nikolai picked you up by the back of your knees− your back flush against his heaving chest.

"nuh uh, dove. i'm gonna fuck you and fill you up till i'm satisfied.." he laughed, slapping the tip of his cock against your sensitive cunt.

"after all.. you wanted to see what tricks this clown has up his sleeves, right?"

©sachiyoh— do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated♡

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[criminalamnesia]

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

summary: Nikolai confronts you about unspoken feelings.

warnings: fluff, no use of y/n, not proofread, no gendered pronouns used (that I know of), grisha!heartrender!reader

author’s note: dancing with our hands tied by taylor swift inspired this! also listen I love zoya and nikolai but nikolai is just sooooooo ksjfjsjs I wanted to write a reader insert for him.

—

What you had with your captain was something no one understood– not even the two of you.

Sturmhond– or Nikolai, as you knew him in secret– was your friend. Your captain. But he was also something more.

He was a rogue ship, and you were a lighthouse guiding him home. He was a dangerous sea, threatening to drown you if you tested your luck– and oh, how you were so close to seeing what would happen if you did.

You shouldn’t even know his true identity. But, as fate would have it, he needed a heartrender with a specific set of skills that you just happened to have, and you needed an escape.

You were his tailor– disguising his appearance and turning him into the infamous Sturmhond. That was the only reason you were allowed to see him without his mask– you were the one to put it back together.

“You’re not surprised?” He had asked you the first night your services had been requested.

The ginger hair of Sturmhond had faded. The crooked nose had straightened, but the same smug grin was still present.

“No,” you had said. “I know that heartbeat. I knew it was you a mile from your ship.”

That took him aback. How did you know his heartbeat?

You had laughed, your eyes twinkling with something he found mesmerizing. He didn’t know you– he was sure of it. He wouldn’t forget a face like yours.

One of your hands was on his shoulder, holding him still. The other roamed his face, fingers dancing across his skin as you worked.

“You’re staring,” you stated, your fingers moving to his messy blond hair. “Trying to figure out how I know you?”

“Yes,” he admitted, eyes watching your face intently. “Were you at the Little Palace?”

You nodded. “I was.” The blond of his hair started to turn red. “But I spent most of my time in the Grand Palace.” You paused, your hand leaving his shoulder to move to his chin, tilting his head to the side. You could hear his heart beat a tad bit faster.

“The Darkling gave me to your mother, as he did with Genya. I was her apprentice. She taught me how to tailor.” You told him.

“I didn’t suffer the same fate she did, if that’s what you’re wondering. Your father had eyes for her, not me.” You couldn’t help the bitterness in your voice. Nikolai flinched.

“You were rarely home– but I met you once, when we were both still small. That’s why I know your heartbeat. The only one of the Royal Family to have a good heart– not a sour one. It stuck with me, I guess you could say.”

“I don’t remember you,” he admitted, and you gave a small laugh. His blond hair was almost completely red now.

“I wouldn’t expect you to. You’re not the only one being tailored, Captain. The First Army can’t take me back if they don’t recognize me, now can they?”

“Are you listening?”

Nikolai’s voice broke you from your thoughts. He was sitting on the bed in his quarters on the ship. You stood between his knees, your hands on his face as you changed him back into Sturmhond.

“Mhm,” you hummed. You weren’t. This routine was something you could do in your sleep, and truthfully, you found your mind drifting off more and more whenever Nikolai required your assistance. It’s not that you found his company dull– quite the opposite, actually. But you didn’t want him to know that.

“No you weren’t,” he gave a small chuckle, one of his hands moving up to grab one of yours. He pulled it from his face as he intertwined your fingers.

“Nikolai,” you hissed, pulling your hand from his grasp. “Do you want me to mess up? I was in the middle of reforming your nose.”

He sighed, his hand falling back to his lap as you raised yours once more. You avoided his eyes, knowing you wouldn’t like what you saw in them.

Between the two of you, he was the more open with his feelings. For the past few weeks, he had continuously tried to corner you and get you to talk about whatever the two of you were. To try and figure things out. You had successfully avoided him thus far, but you knew you were dancing on thin ice.

It was only a matter of time before he recruited one of the twins to subdue you while he forced you to listen. You wouldn’t put it past him, and you knew for a fact Tolya would help him. Curse that hopeless romantic.

“You’re insufferable. And exhausting,” he told you as you grasped his chin gently between your fingers, turning his face this way and that to examine your handiwork.

“I know. You tell me quite often,” you remarked, nodding to yourself as you moved to focus your sights on his hair.

He sighed. Silence engulfed the two of you. It was almost smothering, full of unsaid words and the tension between the two of you. You were suddenly aware of how close you were to him– his knees caging you in as you stood between his spread legs. His face in your hands, his hands now on your waist.

“We keep dancing around this,” he said. You didn’t reply, choosing to focus more intently on the roots of his hair. “The whole crew thinks we’re sleeping together.”

That caught you off guard. You gave a snort, rolling your eyes. “Of course they do. You call me to your quarters in the night, every week. You always stare at me, especially when you think I’m not looking. And you’re handsy– you’ve always got a hand on my back or my shoulder or something.”

Nikolai chuckled. “Well, you’re one to talk. Every time you laugh at something I’ve said, you grab onto my arm and go ‘oh Sturmhond!’. And don’t act like you don’t stare, too.”

“I do not say ‘oh Sturmhond’,” you said, looking down at him. He grinned that same crooked smile.

“I know you’re thinking it. Probably thinking some other things, too. Like how you’d like to–”

“Shut up, or I’m going to give you a black eye.” You hissed, pulling his hair harder than you should’ve.

He laughed. “You wouldn’t. You like my face too much.”

“Im sick of it, actually,” you remarked. “I see it everyday.”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t be here.” He replied.

“You say that as if you’d let me leave. I’m the only tailor you’ve got.”

He shook his head. “That’s not the reason I wouldn’t let you leave, and we both know it.”

You dropped your hands as the last of his blond turned red. Your job here was done. There was nothing stopping you from bidding him goodnight and excusing yourself to your own cot. You knew he would drop it and let you go without another word, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. You didn’t want to say anything.

“So now you’re keeping me prisoner?” You said, suddenly all too aware of his hands squeezing your waist.

“Maybe I am. At least until you admit you like me,” he said, and you scoffed.

“If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t be here–” you began, but he cut you off.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

He moved to stand. You tried to step back, but his hands on you kept you rooted to the spot. You looked up at him, heat rising to your cheeks. Your chests were touching now, and there were only inches between your lips and his.

“When are we going to stop playing this game?” He whispered, one of his hands moving from your waist to brush a strand of hair from your face.

“You like it too much to stop.” You retorted.

“I’d like honesty more,” he said, and you shook your head. “As much fun as playing cat and mouse is with you, I’m growing tired of chasing. And we both know you’re tired of running.”

His hands were on your hips as he swung you around the deck, a laugh on his lips as you clung to his shoulders. You couldn’t help but smile as he dipped you, your eyes meeting his. There were unspoken promises in his gaze– too many feelings, and you had to look away.

Others danced around you two as a few of the crew played some song you’d never heard on makeshift instruments. Laughter and conversation made it hard to think straight. Spirits were high– you’d all just succeeded in breaking through a Fjerdan blockade– and that called for a celebration.

“They’re all going to think we’re together,” you had told Nikolai as he grabbed your hand and pulled you to the dance floor. He had laughed, leaning in close to whisper “let them” in your ear.

He had kissed you for the first time that night, after the party had subsided and everyone was asleep but the two of you. You had been talking quietly, watching the stars and listening to the waves, and he had kissed you and you had melted.

“Nikolai..” you sighed, your hands moving to rest on his shoulders. “This isn’t a good idea.”

“I don’t care,” he told you, and his heartbeat was as steady as it had ever been.

“I do,” you told him, meeting his gaze. “You can’t play pirate forever. What happens when you go back to Ravka, back to your family? You can’t marry me. I’m nobody– not a princess, not a diplomat. I’m an escaped servant who knows too much and would be imprisoned or executed for escaping.”

“Privateer,” he corrected, and you rolled your eyes. “And I’m the second son– a bastard second son. I’m already a disgrace in their eyes,” one of his hands moved to the small of your back, his thumb rubbing circles into the fabric of your shirt. “I can’t disappoint them any more than I have.”

“It doesn’t matter what they think of you now, they still won’t let me anywhere near you.” You replied, and he shook his head.

“Why are we even talking about this?” He asked. “We’re not in Ravka. We’re in the middle of the ocean, and no one cares what we do.”

He was right. You were far from Ravka and his family and your pasts. You were someone new, and he was, too. You weren’t an escaped servant– you were Sturmhond’s first mate. You were his most trusted friend– besides the twins– and you were the one he wanted.

And you wanted him, too.

“I don’t care about details,” he said, his voice low. “I don’t care about families or consequences or rumors. I care about you, about that little smile you always get before you win at cards, about how you let me drag you onto the dance floor while the crew stares, and how you put up with me more than you should.”

You didn’t say anything, too stunned for words.

“I would do anything,” he began, his face slowly inching towards yours. “To dance with you again. To kiss you again. To not hide behind stolen glances and little jabs at each other.”

“Nikolai,” you murmured, your eyes flitting down to his lips.

“Yes?” He asked as your eyes found his once more.

“Just shut up.” You said, and you closed the gap between the two of you, your lips meeting his.

Maybe nothing he said would be true in the morning. Maybe he would realize this was all a big mistake, but you didn’t care.

He was right. You were tired of running, and you were so glad he was tired of chasing.

And as you kissed, that heartbeat that you’d remembered after all these years– that you’d always remember– soared.

And you knew he wasn’t lying.

[amsgrey]

it will be enough

requested: yes

Grisha power wasn't specified, so I picked a random one. (and by picked I mean I literally added them to a spin-the-wheel thing and went with it).

Spoilers for Season Two of Shadow And Bone

warnings: Not proofread or edited, Nikolai being jealous, fluff at the end, more things that I have forgotten

You met Nikolai when he was still parading as Sturmhond, the witty privateer who was all about money and fun. You had been locked alone in the hull of a slaver's ship for longer than you could remember, wasting away without food, water or the ability to summon. Everything had been a blur, shouting, fighting, and then you were being unchained and helped upstairs. You remembered the first time stepping into the sun after that whole time, it burnt your eyes and you had to shield them with your arm.

You had met Sturmhond on his own boat, someone had laid you in a cot and forced you to drink water. Then, a man in teal had asked you your name, told you you were safe and would have a place on his crew if you wanted it. You had taken him up on it, there was always a space for a Squaller on his crew. Nikolai grew to trust you, and put his faith in you as he did Tamar and Tolya. Since then, you would follow Nikolai anywhere he asked.

That included helping him bring peace back to Ravka with the Sun summoner. You had been hesitant to leave your comfortable life with the crew of the Volkvolny, but you loved Nikolai, you would go with him to the ends of the earth. You and Nikolai had been dancing around feelings for each other for almost as long as you had known each other. Tolya was always teasing you about it, reciting cliché poetry and watching you and Nikolai exchange stolen glances. You were sure they were unrequited feelings, so you never acted on them.

It only got worse after returning to Ravka and meeting with the rest of Nikolai's allies at the Spinning wheel. You saw the way he looked at Alina, the hope that lit up his eyes, she was all he needed now. You tried your best not to be hurt about it, you knew loving a prince would only lead to pain. He would never be able to love you back, a commoner. So you volunteered to join Tolya to travel to Ketterdam. You were born and raised in Kerch, and you had the strongest language skills out of all of the party.

Nikolai hadn't spoken to you since announcing his engagement to the sun summoner, it felt like he was avoiding you. He finally approached you on the Hummingbird the day you agreed to leave.

"Y/N?"

You turned to find him leaning against the railings, watching you prepare the sails for the journey. "Moi Tsar."

Nikolai cringed, "Not yet."

You smiled, walking over to join him, "Does that mean I can still can you Sobachka?" You laughed, playfully shouldering him like you would do on the Volkvolny.

Nikolai rolled his eyes, "What is your obsession with that name?"

You enjoyed watching him squirm, making fun of him was too easy some days, "I like calling you Sobachka, makes me think of you like a little cute pup."

Tolya interrupted you both before Nikolai could answer, "We getting this show on the road?"

Nikolai took an extra look at you and the bright smile you sported, "Be safe," He ordered, returning to his Prince persona.

"We'll bring back Neshyenyer," You promised.

Returning to Kerch and meeting the crows felt like a fever dream. Somehow, you slotted into their ranks easily, quickly becoming fast friends. You grew to enjoy Kaz's company as much as the others, something about spending time with someone else from Kerch, who really understood. Besides, he was serious and unwavering and you kind of enjoyed someone who was as serious as you.

After the events in Shu-Han, you were having second thoughts about staying around in Ravka after the war. Nikolai had everything he needed now and Kaz had offered you a place with the Crows if you wanted it. The only thing that was keeping you in Ravka was Nikolai, but why stick around to love someone who would never love you?

You jogged along with Kaz, Wylan and Jesper, headed towards where Nikolai was rumoured to be. You followed Kaz's lead as he peeked over a wall, watching three Grisha rounded on Nikolai and his forces.

"Wylan," Kaz turned to the boy, "Grenade."

Wylan handed it over to him, everyone watching him light the fuse.

"Y/N?"

You nodded, stretching out your hands to summon wind to propel the grenade to your target. You all watched it make its mark, blowing The Darkling's Inferni back until she lay dead on the battlefield.

Nikolai looked to Tamar, "Where did that come from?"

Kaz stood proudly, declaring, "My Demolitions expert."

You stood to his right, just as proud to be joining the fray.

"Expert?" Wylan mumbled, looking at Kaz. You all looked at him as he corrected himself, "I mean, yes. Expert."

You and Jesper smiled, amused by his fake confidence.

You all took a step forward, sliding down the shingled roof and dropping down the wall. You used your small science to soften everyone's fall, allowing you all to rush towards the gates. Jesper quickly worked on the rust that bound the gates closed, leading Wylan to the barricade Tamar, Nadia and Adrick hiding behind. You and Kaz headed opposite them, where Nikolai was crouched.

As you both rushed over, Kaz muttered, "What nightmare have we gotten ourselves into."

Jesper looked over at your group, "Why's Sturmhond here?"

Tamar frowned at him.

"Round here he goes by Nikolai."

"Nikolai Lantsov," Jesper realized, looking over to the man in question. Nikolai shrugged, you couldn't help the chuckle at Jesper's annoyed expression.

"All this time, close personal friend," He spun his pistols into his hands, preparing for a fight.

Nadia and Tamar looked about as confused as could be, "And you are?" Tamar pressed.

Wylan was tucked behind Jesper, his hand resting on his back, "You must be Tamar." He answered, "We came with your brother."

That didn't seem to make the woman any less confused, but she didn't press it any further.

You all watched the Darklings Squaller and Tide Maker rise to attack again. The tide maker raised her hands, drawing water from the sky to draw her attack. Jesper sprung into action first, followed by Adrick and Nadia who came to his support. Watching Jesper shoot would always entrance you, he was such a great shot, aided by his Durast abilities.

You were about to stand and join the fight when Nikolai stopped you, "Did you get Neshyenyer?"

You nodded, "Zoya, Nina and Inej are finding Alina, they'll get to her."

Nikolai nodded in relief, as you looked him over you realized there was blood staining his jacket.

You pressed your fingers to the blood, "Are you hurt?"

Nikolai followed your gaze to where your hand rested on the stain, "it's- It's not mine."

You looked up at him, seeing the pain in his eyes. You would ask more later, for now, there were more pressing matters than those you'd lost.

Jesper finished his attack on the Tidemaker with the buttons on his waistcoat, lashing out and turning them into their tiny blades. As you looked past Nikolai you watched the Squaler draw lightning to his palms, it crackled and hissed as he tried to amass it.

Kaz nudged you with his crow's head cane, handing it over for you to use as a conductor. You quickly jumped to your feet, rushing to Jesper's side and using Kaz's cane and your powers to channel the electricity. Lightning was notoriously unstable, It didn't react well to being controlled. You threw your hands up, forcing the lighting to connect the two of you through Kaz's cane, then expelling the power back into the storm clouds it came from. The more lightning the Squaller summoned, the harder you worked to draw it away. Eventually, he ceased, knowing he could not lash out with the electricity you too controlled.

"I have Datura Meloxia!" Wylan shouted.

"Wylan! Now."

The boy uncapped the vile, calling for Adrick and Nadia to help him propel the powder, "Air support!"

You and Jesper ducked to avoid the powder being swept into Grisha's face, watching him stumble around in glazed confusion before Tamar sent her axe into his head.

As the Tidemaker tried to fight back one last time, she realized just how effective Jesper's attack had been. Screaming at the realization her fingers were gone. Nikolai was appearing to the side, raising his pistol and firing one last bullet, taking down the final one of the darklings Grisha.

"It's done."

You and Jesper both let out matching sighs of relief. He bent over to retrieve his pistol, then dramatically threw his arm around your shoulders to pull you into a side hug.

"Thanks for that, gorgeous."

You smiled, "My pleasure, Handsome."

You joined Kaz and Nikolai, the two of them eyeing each other. You retrieved Kaz's cane from the mud, handing it over to him with a triumphant smile, "I believe this belongs to you, Brekker."

Kaz took it from you, twisting it in his hand as he admired the crow's head.

Nikolai looked from you to the man who you were grinning at, suddenly less pleased to see Brekker, "I didn't realize you were patriots."

"Well if you die, we don't get paid," Kaz said like it was the most straightforward answer. You couldn't help but laugh, after the stress of the fight and Kaz's arid sense of humour, you needed it.

Nikolai was sure he could listen to you laugh every minute of every day and never get sick of it. He hadn't heard it enough in the last few weeks, and it pained him. He longed for the evenings on the Volkvolny when the crew would laugh and drink without the looming threat of death and destruction.

Everyone smiled when Tolya appeared, pulling his sister in a crushing hug. Nikolai looked around his gathered allies.

"We have to find Alina. If Kirigan brought the fight here, he's gunning for her."

Tolya nodded, "I've cleared us a way into the fort. Come on."

You fell into step with Nikolai at the back of the group, his unofficial bodyguard for the fight you were about to delve back into. Nikolai couldn't help but spare you glances, you looked tired, the lightning summoning had worn you out. He wanted to stop, allow you to rest, and bring back the bright smile you almost always wore. He knew better, though, just plotting along silently beside your group.

You sat next to Tamar as everyone took a much-deserved breather.

"A moment of sun before we deal with out losses," Nikolai sighed, glancing over the wounded and dying that lay on the grass, "Dominik..."

Tamar comforted her friend quickly, "He did exactly what any of us would have done for each other."

"For you," You added, leaning over and grabbing Nikolai's hand. He glanced down at your clasped hands, giving a small squeeze as thanks.

You all looked up as Alina, Inej, Nina and Mal walked over the hill. Nina stayed by the wounded while Inej and Alina exchanged a few quick words. Alina chased after Mal, leaving Inej to inform the group.

Nikolai thanked the crows for their help, he took Tolya's arm and headed away to address the consequences. You were about to join when Kaz called your name.

You turned to the man, a small frown on your face, "Yes?"

"If you ever feel like coming back to Ketterdam," He spoke, "We would welcome a crow with your abilities."

Jesper and Inej both nodded, showing their support.

You couldn't help the smile that grew, "I'll think about it." You promised, taking your leave to follow after Nikolai and the others.

When you met up with Nikolai, he wouldn't meet your gaze. Looking at everyone else but you. He made preparations for the Darkling to be burned on a pyre, leading all of his most trusted allies to join him. It was strange, that it was all over. There was no more fold, no more bickering or fighting between otkazat'sya and Grisha, it was an entirely new beginning.

You wanted to stand by Nikolai as he addressed your small group, but there was something off about him. He still had yet to make eye contact with you, ignoring your small gestures of comfort. Eventually, you gave up, coming to stand next to Nina behind Alina.

As Nikolai finished his speech, Kaz led his crows away. Nina looked at you, knowing you needed the support. She took your hand, leading you away from the flames with the rest of the crows.

The gathered forces were celebrating as you all exited the sand that was once the fold. Offering all of you drinks and food. You couldn't find the energy to join the festivities, brushing off friends and fellow Grisha to find a quieter space.

You found yourself wandering until you reached the roof of the compound, finding a perch on the edge of a wall looking over the land around the compound.

You let out a quiet gasp in fright when Nikolai appeared at your side.

He quickly grabbed your arm, "Don't fall."

You smiled, "I won't. Probably."

Nikolai chuckled, joining you on the ledge. You were struck by how many times you would sit together like this on the Volkvolny.

"Shouldn't you go find a healer?" You asked, gesturing to the bandages wrapped around his leg.

Nikolai shrugged, "I needed to talk to you first."

You looked away, "About?"

Nikolai was staring at the horizon, clearly also struggling to find the courage to talk. Something had changed between you two for sure.

"What did Brekker say," Nikolai finally spoke after a long silence between you.

You glanced at him, the afternoon sun was illuminating his face. His hair was still cleanly combed back, neatly styled to make him look regal. His cheek was still bruised, the only thing that made him look like the Sturmhond you knew.

"He said if I ever wanted to go home, I had a place with the crows."

Nikolai nodded, "Home to Ketterdam?"

Nikolai knew how much you missed Kerch, you grew up in the countryside on a farm with your siblings. You had stopped in Ketterdam once or twice with the Volkvolny crew, but it wasn't the same as going back to live there.

"I know it sounds crazy," You fiddled with your hands, "I never thought it would be possible to go back, maybe now..."

Nikolai could relate to that, he never felt entirely at home in the Grand Palace, and he didn't think it would ever be possible to. Now he would rule there.

"When are you and Alina leaving for Os Alta?"

"Tomorrow," Nikolai replied, "Tamar and Tolya are taking over captainship of the Volkvolny."

You hummed, "I'm sure they're excited about that, Tolya can stop for all the snacks he wants."

Nikolai laughed, a carefree laugh that made you smile too.

You both sat in peaceful silence for a while, listening to the celebrations going on under your feet. You felt like there was something more to say like you both wanted the other to confess the feelings you shared.

You kept coming back to the fact Nikolai and Alina were engaged. You knew that it wasn't a love match, Alina loved Mal. But even so, they would be tied together for as long as it took for Ravka to rebuild. You were being childish if you thought you and Nikolai could be anything other than friends. And so you were thinking more and more about returning to Ketterdam, joining the crows. Leaving Nikolai would hurt, but it would hurt more watching Nikolai with Alina.

You eventually came to the conclusion there was nothing more you could say, Nikolai clearly did not share your feelings. You cleared your throat, stretching casually and then getting to your feet.

"They're probably missing us," You said, trying to hide your disappointment.

Nikolai didn't respond, staring out at the horizon a while longer.

"You should stay."

You almost didn't hear it, already a few steps away from Nikolai. You turned to face him, "What?"

Nikolai got to his feet and stood before you, giving you his full attention for the first time since leaving the Volkvolny.

"I want you to stay."

You struggled to find any words, gaping at the man before you.

Nikolai kept talking, "I know that I can't ask this of you, I know I Shouldn't. But seeing you with Brekker, the thought of you going to Ketterdam with him-"

Nikolai stopped when you giggled. He frowned at you, "What?"

"Nothing," You giggled.

Nikolai grabbed your hand, "What? Why are you laughing?"

You stifled your laugh, "Are you jealous of Kaz?"

Nikolai faked being offended, "Me? Jealous?"

"Oh, you so are," You cackled, getting a lot of amusement out of watching the Tsar squirm, "Nikolai Lantsov with his damnably handsome looks is jealous?"

Nikolai dropped your hand and threw his hands up in exasperation, "You are the worst."

You grinned, then remembered what he had asked. "Do you really want me to stay?"

Nikolai looked serious again, "I do. I want you to stay with me, by my side."

"But you're engaged to Alina."

Nikolai seemed to realize at the same time you did, he nodded solemnly, "We couldn't be anything to each other in public. At least, not until Alina and I end our engagement."

"You'll end your engagement?"

"It was always the plan," Nikolai explained, "She loves Mal. I love you. It's just for political-"

"You love me?" You cried before you could stop yourself.

Nikolai's face flushed, he scratched his neck sheepishly, "Yes."

"Well," You reached out and took his face in your hands, cupping his cheeks gently, "Aren't you lucky I love you too."

Nikolai's face burst into a cocky grin. He grabbed your waist, firmly holding onto you and dragging you closer to him. He reached one hand u to cup your cheek, guiding a thumb over your cheekbone tenderly.

"I can't believe you were jealous of Kaz," You teased, drunk on the feeling of being so close to Nikolai.

"Shut up," Nikolai scoffed, he leaned in and captured your lips in a kiss. He pulled you even closer until you were flush with his chest. You brought your hands to the back of his neck, twisting your fingers into his hair. You couldn't help but feel relief, the feeling of it washed over you. You had spent the last few days worrying about where you stood. This answered that gnawing fear, Nikolai felt the same.

Nikolai pulled away, pressing his forehead to yours. His arms wound around your waist, holding you close while he stared into your eyes.

Your face was flushed and you were breathless, "I have been waiting years for you to do that."

Nikolai smiled, "I've been wanting to do that for years."

You knew this wouldn't be the end of this discussion, about him and Alina. But for now, you were happy to follow him to Os Alta, to know he felt the same way. That would be enough for now.

[heliads]

because I'm in the mood for Pain could i request a nikolai fanfic with a grisha reader. they were childhood friends, but then one day reader was captured by fjerda and after they find the cure for parem they come back to ravka and don't think they're good enough for nikolai because they were too weak to resist the drug. i hope you're having a lovely day!

'only in my dreams ' - nikolai lantsov

masterlist

There’s an old saying, one that’s been tossed around by generations of practitioners of the Small Science and otkazat’sya alike, one that you’ve heard since you were small and keep hearing as you get older. There’s no good place to be a Grisha. It’s been used as a weapon and an assurance at times, a claim that you don’t belong and a reminder that life doesn’t really get better, so you might as well enjoy who you are wherever you are.

Right now, though, it just feels all too real. When you were a child growing up in the middle of nowhere in the Ravkan countryside, no one trusted a Grisha. When you were brought to Os Alta to train in the Little Palace, the glimmering city didn’t feel like a home either, just a place where you would be brought up to fight in someone else’s wars. You could go anywhere you want, but it would never quite be enough. You find your home in people you trust, but no place will ever want a witch.

And, rotting in a Fjerdan cell, you think it’s especially true now. You pity the Grisha who were born in Fjerda, and wonder how they would have managed to grow up in a country whose own army was dedicated to the cause of hunting them down. It wasn’t all that great to grow up empowered in Ravka, either, but at least there was somewhere for you to go once you were discovered, and that was the Little Palace. In Fjerda, the only place that newly discovered Grisha go is the grave.

That, or the cells, and right now you’re wishing that you were six feet under instead of here right now. Other than wanting them dead, the Fjerdan government seems fascinated by just how Grisha work. They’ve managed to get their hands on jurda parem, and you’re a part of their latest batch of test subjects.

You last received the drug a few days ago, and already the debilitating ache of withdrawal is starting to press against your bones, tearing against your sinews and skin until all you can think of is when you last had it and where you could get some more. The Fjerdan scientists are single-minded in their approach to treating Grisha with parem; exact doses are carefully measured out and only delivered in the precise windows of time that they desire. Once medicated, the captive Grisha will have their hands unchained for slim opportunities to practice their gift, most likely to build or destroy or torture other captives as directed by the Fjerdan guards.

Eventually, the parem will wear off, and then you’ll be back to where you are right now:  curled into a corner of your freezing cell, desperate for warmth or parem or anything more than this heavy, never-ending horror.

You used to be more than this, you know. You used to be a proper Grisha, one who could never imagine themselves as you are now, exhausted and starving and addicted to a drug no one even knew existed until just a short time ago. You had been brought to Os Alta when you were quite young, so for the most part, the Little Palace was the only life you had ever really known.

And what a life it had been; your mind drained by the constant tests of parem, you slip into a dreamy half-sleep, letting the memories cloud your consciousness so you don’t have to think about whatever horrors await you.

Os Alta had been beautiful. Ravka has been a struggling country for quite some time, and will likely go on eking out its days one by one for quite some time, but the royal family spared no expense on its capital city. Even the Little Palace, the smaller and humbler variant of the Grand Palace, was intricate and masterful, a testament to the artistic prowess of the Ravkan people when its creators went long enough without hunger pangs to focus on their craft.

You can almost imagine you’re there if you close your eyes. The sensations come back to you as if in a dream:  the rustle of your kefta as you walk, the smooth edges of the cobblestones where they’d been worn down by hundreds of feet, the sharp voices of your tutors, the thrill in your veins as you used your powers. You can still remember when it had been a joyous thing to use your powers uncorrupted by parem. Now, every tug to the making at the heart of the world feels like a betrayal of your own people, a sick and terrible thing that should not be practiced by any living thing.

You turn your mind away from that harsh reality, opting instead to remember the good days, the golden memories when the worst thing you could imagine was doing badly in one of Botkin’s training sessions. Since you’d been at the Little Palace since you were small, you had plenty of friends across the branches of the Small Science, plus one extra boy whose eyes used to shine like sunlight off of the True Sea. He wasn’t a Grisha though. He was–

He was a prince.

Nikolai Lantsov wasn’t supposed to visit the Little Palace. Truth be told, he wasn’t supposed to leave the Grand Palace at all except when instructed by the king and queen or one of his tutors. However, the young prince didn’t seem to care for rules, and rare was the day when he wasn’t sneaking off to pass days by his own volition. More often than not, his errant path brought Nikolai to you.

The two of you had been friends for years. Never mind the fact that a friendship between a Grisha and a prince would be strictly forbidden, no one ever caught on and the two of you were quite obliged to keep it that way. Nikolai was brilliant in mind and spirit. When you think about the happiest you’d ever been, the days you wished could stretch on forever, it’s the time you spent with Nikolai that was the best of all. Sometimes, you snuck him an extra kefta and the two of you would explore the Little Palace, or you’d run around the countryside surrounding Os Alta. You’d swap stories and little trinkets or gifts, and you’d smile like everything was alright, because when you were with Nikolai, it was.

Then he got older, and you did too. Nikolai stopped being able to visit you as often. You grew through the ranks of the Grisha, and were sent on missions with increasing frequency. Sometimes, you’d be away from Os Alta for months at a time, and only come back to find out that Nikolai had just left on a similar errand. Your paths started diverging, and even though every time you saw him, it was like the days hadn’t passed at all, both of you had growing up to do, and unfortunately, that didn’t involve each other.

You still held out hope that maybe he would become king and find a way to loop you back into his busy days. Just recently, he had returned from his years at school (and, as the rumor has it, at sea), and you had hoped that maybe you’d be able to spend more time together. All you had was one more mission, then you’d be back in Ravka for many months. Surely you could use that time.

The Fates didn’t seem keen on that happy of an ending for you, however. Your mission went awry. Fjerdans intercepted your group. You distracted the enemy soldiers long enough for the rest of your party to get away, but you were captured and brought back to Fjerda. You had assumed you’d be killed, but instead, you were sent to their experimental division and given your first dose of parem.

So the angels fall. Now, the idea that you could be remotely close to a prince’s best friend is laughable. If you could see him now, you have no doubt that he would still be the same golden, glorious boy he had always been, now imbued with the confidence of years wearing the crown. By contrast, you are huddled in a cell, your powers harshly amplified by the corrupting influence of jurda parem.

No, Nikolai Lantsov certainly wouldn’t want you now. The only way you can have him still is in your dreams, those beautiful fragments of imagination in which both of you are still young and blameless. He hasn’t fled Os Alta for a false name and a life at sea. You haven’t been captured and forced to undergo cruel tests. Both of you are happy and whole, and nothing bad has ever happened to either of you. What a dream indeed. 

A dream, but dreams are all you have. The dream of being back with Nikolai is a good one. So, too, is the dream that someone will come to take you out of this place. You’ve had this one many times before, and it slips over you like sleep. It would happen quickly, the break-out. The Fjerdan guards would shout in surprise, then be quickly silenced. You’d hear the rattle of fast footsteps, and the door to your cell would fly open. All doors would be open, and all Grisha would live. You’d run far away, to a place that would finally want you again. All would be well.

You’re comfortable with it, not bothering to open your eyes lest you lose track of the dream. Only– maybe the parem is still lingering in your system, because you swear the faux sounds of fighters are louder than they usually are in the dreams. It’s not real, but the shouts do seem real, don’t they?

It’s not real. After all, parem has a way of messing with your mind. Many times during your captivity, you’ve thought you’d seen someone from home only to realize differently during the cloudiness of withdrawal. This is the same as that.

However, when the door to your cell clangs open, you feel the reverberations through your skin and bones, something that never happens when the Fjerdans come to get you. Your eyelids fly open and you scramble back against the wall, watching with terrified eyes as soldiers hurry to you. One’s in Ravkan fatigues, but the other is a Healer in a red kefta.

“You’re not real,” you grit out, teeth pressed together.

She shakes her head sympathetically. “I am, my friend. We’ve broken you out at last. Here, I have the cure.”

She holds out a syringe pre-loaded with some sort of substance. You snap back when you see it, too familiar with Fjerdan tricks of trying to inject you with different medicines. “Don’t you dare get that near me. I know what you do.”

The Healer jerks her chin towards you. “Hold her,” she says to the soldier.

You scream, a high, drawn-out sound, and do your best to fight, but your captivity has left you frail, and he’s able to subdue you after minor effort. The Healer pushes the needle into your veins, and you wait for something terrible to happen, another grievous experiment to begin in your body, but the strangest thing happens:  you feel better.

You stare up at the Healer. Your mind feels clearer than it has in days, and, impossibly, you can feel your strength returning. “What is that?”

“A cure to jurda parem,” the Healer tells you. “Sincerest apologies that it’s taken this long to get to you.”

You’re guided out into the corridor, where you join the former occupants of the surrounding cells. All of you regard your rescuers and each other with the same incredulity and faint excitement. Is this really it? Are you finally out?

The ride back to Ravka should be long, but it feels as if it’s over in the blink of an eye. Several times, the rescue party stops at safe houses along the way, giving all of you opportunities to wash up, get new, warm clothes, and eat and drink to fix the gnaw of hunger that clings to all of you. By the time the gates of Os Alta swing wide to admit you, you’re almost feeling normal again.

Almost.

The torment of your time in the Fjerdan cells will stick with you forever, and the awful memories of what it had been like to be under the influence of jurda parem. However, the Healer’s cure worked well. When you try to use your abilities, they work the same as they had before the awful drug was first administered to you. By all accounts, you’re back to normal, even if your mind doesn’t entirely feel that way.

The driver calls to your group that you’ll be arriving outside the Little Palace shortly. “King Nikolai will be there to greet you,” he announces over his shoulder.

Excited whispers surround this, and you can’t help but listen in intently. “Nikolai Lantsov will be there?” One girl giggles by your side.

Another smiles in encouragement. “They say he’s been observing each coach that brings back rescued Grisha from Fjerda. It’s like he’s looking for someone. Maybe an old friend?”

You feel your stomach chill, the warm delight of rescue starting to cool off again. You have no doubt that you’re the one Nikolai is looking for; he had told you many times that you were his favorite Grisha by far, even when he was briefly engaged to the Sun Summoner for purely political reasons, but you find yourself hoping he doesn’t find you when you get out of your coach.

It’s not that you don’t want to see him, you do– the idea of being with Nikolai again had sustained you through your time in the Fjerdan cells better even than food or drink, but the fact remains that you are no longer as you were in your memories. You are no longer someone that a king would care to see. More so than just your weakened frame, your disorganized mind– you were captured on a mission, and you succumbed to jurda parem. In the back of your mind, a cruel voice whispers, pathetic. Nikolai will be spending his time with the finest diplomats, the noblest princes and princesses. He will not want a Grisha who could not hold out against a drug.

You gather your borrowed cloak about you, pulling the hood down over your face. It’s a size or two too large for you, by virtue of it belonging to someone else, and right now you’re glad for the extra fabric to disguise you. Nikolai is looking for a ghost, and probably out of necessity. He’ll likely be relieved that he won’t have to handle you like a difficult situation.

The coach pulls to a stop. Many rescued Grisha are crammed inside, so you blend into the crowd as you all pour out. Other Grisha from the Fjerdan prison are there already. It’s easy to slip amongst their ranks, keeping your head down. Nikolai is there in front of you as promised. His head is tilted up slightly, his gaze sweeping row after row of visitors. Maybe he isn’t even looking for you at all.

Then, his eyes catch yours briefly. Immediately, you look away, and start backing through the crowds again, trying to lose his gaze. When you feel it’s safe to look again, you breathe out quiet relief when you notice that he’s still scanning the crowd where you had been. Lost him. It’s a victory, but it’s an awful pain nonetheless.

Once everyone has arrived, Nikolai says a few kind words about how he’s glad everyone has returned home and how apologetic he is about the time it took to get you all back. No one seems to hold it against him, though, and how could you? He rescued you in the end, and managed to get you the cure to jurda parem to boot. It’s a fine success if you’ve ever seen one.

Nikolai releases you to the Little Palace to rest. Grisha stream past Nikolai, but he doesn’t stop to talk to any of them, looking again for someone. For you, maybe. You pull the hood down low again. If you move quickly, maybe he’ll miss you. You give him a wide berth, keeping your eyes low. You’ve almost made it to the edge of the courtyard when you feel a hand rest on your arm, carefully pulling you to a stop.

You don’t look up, not at first. You don’t have to look to know who it is. You’ve known Nikolai for years. You would know how he walks, the precise pattern of his boots against the cobblestones. You would know how the breath hitches in his throat when you’re reunited after too long a separation. You would know how his hand feels on you. You’ve dreamed of it a thousand times, but this isn’t a dream anymore, this is real.

“Excuse me, moi tsar,” you whisper. Maybe he doesn’t know it’s you yet. Maybe you can still escape with your dignity intact.

Any hope you had of avoiding recognition vanishes in an instant when Nikolai murmurs, “Y/N,” in such a desperate voice that you feel you could hardly move if you tried.

You stand still. A strong wind could blow you over, maybe. You watch the ground as Nikolai’s boots cross the ground to stand in front of you. His other hand rises to brush your hood back from your face. A gasp is ripped from his lungs as he takes in the sight of you.

“I look that bad, then, do I?” You can’t help but laugh quietly. It’s a bitter sound. You used to sound happier when you laughed with him, you think. A lot has changed.

Nikolai’s hand leaves your hood, drifting to your face. He raises your chin with a soft finger until you’re looking him in the eyes again. “Not to me,” he says, voice hardly louder than a whisper. “I’ve always thought you were beautiful.”

A quiet scoff escapes you. “I have been a prisoner of Fjerda for months, moi tsar. I doubt that was conducive to beauty.”

“You’d be surprised,” he tells you. Then, a bit more insistent, “You don’t need to refer to me with a title, Y/N. You didn’t when we were little.”

“I didn’t know better,” you say. It’s not quite true, and he knows it.

“Don’t say that,” Nikolai pleads. “We were friends, excellent friends. Now we’re older and you’re avoiding me. Why?”

You look away again. “Don’t ask me that,” you say with a laugh. You meant it to be a joke, but it comes out as a plea.

“I will,” he insists. “I have always been stubborn, you know that about me. Stubborn enough to search every single Fjerdan prison my spies could find when you went missing. Stubborn enough to stand here and wait in the cold until I could find you. And certainly stubborn enough to wait here with you until you tell me why I’m no longer good enough for you.”

This, at last, is enough to make your eyes fly to him. “That’s not true,” you insist hotly. “Quite the opposite, in fact. You’re a king and I’m a Grisha. And a Grisha that couldn’t even withstand jurda parem, to be specific. Saints, you win wars and I lost the first one that ever came to me. If there is anyone that has ever been insufficient, it would be me.”

The hand on your arm slips down to your fingers, and Nikolai squeezes once, twice. A heartbeat. A prayer. “You have never been insufficient to me,” he tells you. You make some sound of disagreement and he repeats it, insistent as ever. “No, you listen. You aren’t. Jurda parem is notorious for the pain it causes. You think you lost the war? The fact that you’re still alive in front of me tells me that you won it. Every day since you went missing, I woke up and went to bed terrified that you were dead and I would never know. I need you, sweetheart, and I need you to stop punishing yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.”

You stay quiet for a while, letting the words turn over in your mind, then, impulsively, you ask, “Sweetheart?”

He grins, easy as always. “It fits you. Don’t argue with me, I’ve had plenty of arguments prepared to convince you otherwise.”

You laugh, and this time, it’s real. “I wouldn’t dare, then. I just would have thought that you’d have plenty of princesses who would have won that nickname for real by now.”

Unable to stop yourself, you cast a glance towards his left hand. No ring. When you look back up at Nikolai, he’s beaming. “No queen for me, I’m afraid. I was waiting for mine to return from captivity.”

You roll your eyes. “Still haven’t given up on that, have you? I seem to remember you trying and failing to convince me to marry you since we were six.”

Nikolai grins, slipping your arm inside his so he can guide you back to the Little Palace. “I will never give up. Not until you say yes.”

You laugh again, shaking your head in mock disbelief. It’s been a while since you saw him. It’s been a while since he asked. If he were to do it again, you think you might have a different answer than when you were both so small. 

Nikolai turns to look at you, his eyes shining. He’s always had a gift for knowing what’s on your mind, and judging by the light in his smile, you think he’s predicted your thoughts yet again. He’s got some time before he attempts another proposal. This time, though, he’ll have a better outcome than before.

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggie2000, @baju69, @crazyhearttragedy, @aoi-targaryen, @budugu

all tags list: @wordsarelife

[honeydazai]

hai! can I get 'doing their makeup for them' with nikolai pls?

Nikolai + 'doing their makeup for them'

milestone drabble event! 🪻

join my tag list here! 🪻

“You have awfully pretty eyes.”

The words spill from your lips so very easily; after all, they're the truth. Leaning against him with one hand on his shoulder, your faces mere centimeters apart, you're able to get a particularly good look at just how stunning they are, shining in blue and yellow.

“Thanks.” Nikolai's smile is a little too wide, fraying at the edges. “You're supposed to concentrate on my makeup, though. Don't lose focus, now.”

You scoff. “I can multi-task just fine.” As if to prove your words, you add more mascara to his lashes, movements slow and gentle. “See?”

“I always do your makeup so carefully, though.” He pushes his lips forward into a pout, entirely too dramatic. “At least give the same effort back. Otherwise you're mean, you know?”

“I am making an effort”, you protest, eyebrows knitting together in mock unhappiness, “It literally looks so good. Take a look yourself if you don't believe me, but it's not like I didn't do just fine on your other eye.”

Nikolai merely hums in response — though that at least means he's not complaining anymore. Instead, the atmosphere shifts into something peaceful. Your palm cups his cheek, gently holding it to stop him from moving and messing your work up, and he leans into the touch, more cat than person.

Black goes with the colour scheme of his chosen outfit; it's a reasonable first guess, although Nikolai sighs as though it is not.

The quiet does not last for long; only until after you've peppered some glitter onto his lids.

“Quiz time”, Nikolai sing-songs, white bangs falling into his face as he moves, “What colour of eyeliner do you think I want to wear today?”

“Wrong. A shame. Ah, but — you know what? I'll let you guess again. Aren't I kind?”

“Very.” You squint at him, your head tilted to the side in a curious manner. It's not like there's an overwhelming amount of options; red and white are his other two most used colours, and white is closest. You pick mostly by random.

Nikolai makes a triumphant noise; before you're able to reach for the corresponding pen, he presses his lips to yours, the gloss on them sticky. You let out a soft noise, eyes fluttering shut, though he's already pulling back again, smirk mischievous.

“Continue, sweetheart.”

Jerk.

Still, you drag the felt tip over his eyelids, going for a cat-eye look; the very moment you're done, a mirror suddenly appears between the two of you, the power of The Overcoat, and Nikolai coos at his reflection, apparently in awe.

You try your best not to feel too smug. It's rather difficult when he's literally swooning. Then, sharp eyes snap back to you, determination sparking inside.

“Alright; it's my turn, now. Lean back, doll.”

notes: I WASN'T SURE IF THIS MEANT DOING HIS OR HIM DOING YOUR MAKEUP SO NOW IT'S KIND OF. BOTH??

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[damagedintellect]

Fyodor x reader x Nikolai [Rich kids AU]

💌 Days of our Bungo : Part 1 💌  

Summary: All of your fathers made a pack that whenever they had kids they would marry each other. It sounded like a good idea at the time but when the Sigma family was the only family to have a girl, and everyone wanted a bloodborne heir, things seemed a little complicated. After many arguments it was decided they would wait to see which boy, she, would fall for. Everyone always ends up having a crush on their childhood friend right?

Notes: Guess who had another Bungo dream, it was me! This time around the dream sequence started in the middle and just kept going so ima just fill in the gaps and start from the top.

Tropes: Sigma is your twin, Fyodor x reader x Nikolai, Fyodor is endgame, royalty/rich kids, Childhood friends, Mutual pinning but reader thinks it's one-sided, Nikolai knows its unrequited but he still loves you & Fyodor, eventual 🍋

💌 Word count: 4,821 💌  You Are Here | Part 2

At the age of five you and your brother were inseparable. You were twins after all, it would have been weird if you weren't close to some degree. Sigma kept his hair long to match you even though your hair colors were mirrored. Naturally your parents gave you matching outfits although with some alterations between skirts and dresses. Sometimes you and Sigma would try to swap outfits to see if they could tell the difference but your hair colors always gave you away. That's the first memory you could vividly remember. Right before your first big fight with each other. That's when your father knew it was the right time to call his friends. Your parents were always worried about your development since there were minor complications during your infant years.

You were playing in the garden when the maids called you into the foyer. Your father had arranged for you to meet someone. Well more than just someone, your father had many friends but only two of them had children your age. Apparently you've met them before but you don't remember them at all. You and Sigma had extremely finicky memories for your age. Which is why today was so important for the both of you in that regard.

These friends of papa were special, they were his super best friends and hopefully today you would also make a super best friend too. Sigma would always be your best friend but he was your brother first and foremost. That was like cheating to you so you were hoping to make a good impression on the two boys in front of you.

Fyodor Dostoevsky and Nikolai Gogol stood before you as you curtsied. The two couldn't be any more different than you imagined. One was quiet and stoic while the other was loud and energetic. They seemed like a packaged deal just like you and Sigma. They had been friends for over a year now bonding over music lessons and the fact that their manors were close to each other. As your fathers spoke you were sent off to play and get to know the boys. Their fathers looked excited over your very meeting but you weren’t sure why and you wouldn't figure it out until years down the line.

You watched as Sigma tried to play chess with Fyodor. Nikolai was commentating the game, making Sigma loose focus. Neither you nor Nikolai wanted to play after watching Sigma get destroyed like that. Fortunately Nikolai had seen the piano when he walked in and played the beginnings of a song. He was still working on getting all the notes right but it wasn’t bad for how many lessons he's had without sheet music no less. Apparently Fyodor played the cello and that's how they met at the academy. Sigma was going to start violin soon but you wanted to learn ballet. Ever since you saw the Nutcracker at Christmas it was all you could think about. Nikolai just enrolled recently because his family needed something for him to exhaust all his uncontrollable energy. At least you wouldn't be alone.

You dragged everyone out to the garden. Something you have always wanted to do with other kids your age was to play hide and seek. Normally some of the maids and butlers would indulge you every once in a while but there were only so many places they could hide. This would be fun. You decided to be “it”, choosing to make the gazebo your counting spot. You heard the pitter patter of feet run from you as you counted down. Although when you finally reached zero you immediately found Fyodor standing behind the bush at the base of the stairs.

“Found you!” You laughed and grabbed his hand pulling him along to find the others. He didn’t protest but he did look slightly uncomfortable being dragged along. It didn't take you long to find Sigma either, he likes to hide in the same spot every time but it did take you a while to find Nikolai. The entire time you realized you never once tried to let Fyodor's hand go. Fyodor gave your hand a gentle squeeze as he pointed up in the tree near the fountain.

Sure enough Nikolai waved from his spot as he stood up striking a victory pose. He nearly fell down while he was making his descent, accidentally kicking off one of his shoes in the process. With Nikolai being the winner he was now it. You made a break for it when he started counting but stopped when you saw Fyodor just standing there. It seemed like Fyodor didn't quite get the point of hide and seek. You ran back to him and once again dragged him away. 

You saw some of the maids making preparations for afternoon tea and in a spark of genius you crawled under the thick tablecloth hoping no one would think to look there. You and Fyodor sat for a long time. Definitely longer than it took for you to find Nikolai. With the excitement of the day you had gotten pretty tired from running around. You ended up slumping on Fyodor's shoulder being comfortable enough to fall asleep. While Fyodor contemplated what to do in this situation he overheard some of your waitstaff talking about you both.

“Have you seen the way young master Nikolai looks at our young lady?”

“I wish someone would stare at me like that. Although did you notice the young lady holding young master Fyodor's hand? She must have taken a liking to him.”

“That's adorable. I wonder if she will be betrothed to young master Fyodor instead?”

“I heard that they plan on waiting until she's eighteen to decide who she'll be promised too. They're all still so young, nowadays it's customary to wait to make the announcement.”

Fyodor looked back at your sleeping face. You were going to marry him someday? He rolled his eyes. At least now he understood why his father made such a fuss about being a gentleman before he left the manor. As if he'd conduct himself in any other fashion but given his only acquaintance is Nikolai, Fyodor can see his fathers reserve. He doesn't like the idea of his future marriage being arranged especially since he'd just met you but it was reassuring that in the end it seemed like you'd have a say about who you'd end up with. Fyodor didn’t understand why it was so important to his father but maybe he'd understand with time. Speaking of time Nikolai abruptly pulled the tablecloth off the table to reveal the two of you crouched underneath. While Fyodor was originally indifferent about the game he couldn't help but frown upon being caught.

You were startled awake by the noise of tea cups clattering in place. All the maids had a heart attack for a moment before they saw the white haired boy perfectly displace the cloth from underneath the dishes. You clutched your head where it made contact with the underside of the table. Fyodor let out a soft laugh at your misfortune causing you to stare at him in awe as Sigma helped you stand. The genuine spark in his eyes left you blushing as Nikolai was boasting about his table trick. You all sat down for tea as your father's plan to become friends worked like a charm.

___

After that you all would get together at least once a week to play around before you started attending the academy. Sigma was taking violin lessons while you and Nikolai started taking ballet. You thought he was crazy for doing both piano lessons and dance at the same time but Fyodor had commented that if anyone could pull it off it would be Nikolai. The boy seemed to be able to teleport around the academy as is. Not to mention the fact that Nikolai seemed to know everyone. His best friend on the other hand was the exact opposite. Fyodor was, annoyingly, always practicing even outside of lessons. Nikolai seemed to be the only one capable of dragging him out of the practice rooms to meet up with the rest of you. Sometimes he would even fight you all and practice during lunch. It was sad because you very much enjoyed the Russian's company.

Besides that, ballet wasn’t exactly everything you'd hoped it would be. You wanted to learn how to dance on your toes like Clara did in the Nutcracker but apparently girls don't go on pointe until at least the age of seven. Although recently there had been talk that the school was in the process of changing that due to safety concerns. Nikolai had thrown a fit that men should be allowed to go on pointe too but it wouldn’t matter because neither of you were technically prepared for pointe work anyways. That's all you hear day after day, technique. It was boring learning proper placement, posture and turnout. You wanted to skip steps and just dance but apparently it was extremely important to your training to practice at the barre. Which was lame, you liked centerwork way more than being at the barre.

Even after a few years you still liked working in the center better than being stuck at the barre. Although now the years of technique classes had really paid off. This past year had been more focused on prepointe and pas de deux compared to past years. You had partnered with Nikolai whenever you needed to partner up for anything. Nikolai would make a scene if he wasn't your partner to go across the floor or for stretching so you weren’t that surprised when he became your official pas de deux partner. The teachers must have been observing the two of you since you enrolled in the academy. When you were finally put on pointe Nikolai was extremely jealous until you let him put your shoes on. He nearly fell over going on relevé at the barre, claiming that they were actually torture devices and he was no longer envious of you for being on pointe. 

A few more years had passed and you started noticing that you and Nikolai were the artistic director’s favorites. They must have seen something in you both. For the end of year showcase you would be performing the pas de deux from Cinderella. Which was going to be their summer production that you could audition for. This appeared to be your audition for the role. You both were ecstatic. Nikolai was obviously a shoe in for the prince but you had a lot of competition for Cinderella. It didn’t bother you much, you were just here to dance and do your best. You heard a lot of gossip in passing though, “(Y/N) is only good because she gets to partner with Nikolai.”

“They’re only looking at (Y/N) because she dances with Nikolai, I dance better.”

“Her pointe work is so sloppy I bet you her father pays the school to get better parts.”

Nikolai has told you to tune them out but the feeling was hard to shake. Nikolai was a freaking prodigy at everything he did. So was Fyodor. Even Sigma to some degree but you get to see the behind the scenes of his genius. His anxiety sometimes rubs off on you too. At the moment your class was let out early so you were bothering Sigma and Fyodor in one of the practice rooms. 

For their showcase they were both given Ravel’s "Pavane for a dead princess". Which was an interesting choice given that it was originally written to be a piano solo. It can be done as a duet with a piano and violin or cello but it was weird that they had been practicing it as a violin and cello piece. Nikolai was playing the piano as they were taking turns practicing their parts. Again it baffled you that Nikolai knows this piece by heart. When the lad had time to practice this was beyond you. Sigma had been practicing this at home most nights but this was the first time you’ve heard it with the cello accompaniment. 

You couldn’t help yourself; it seemed like your body was moving on its own. You were so entranced by Fyodor’s playing that you got up and danced. To you it was such a beautiful piece. Most people called it melancholic but it was beautiful. You weren’t paying attention and Nikolai was pretty sure he was the only one who noticed but Fyodor slipped up slightly. Nikolai glanced at his friend to see what happened when he noticed that the Russian's hands were on autopilot. Fyodor was watching you dance. Nikolai’s hands stopped as well, completely encapsulated by your movement. This had to be what true freedom looked like.

You didn't even realize when they had finished playing. You were too busy living in your own little world. Fyodor smiled as you continued to glide around the room. You made it look effortless. Both of them were breathless. You only stopped when Sigma cleared his throat.

“So is it my turn now?”

___

Sure enough when the auditions rolled around for Cinderella you and Nikolai were casted at the leads. It would be your first time dancing a principal role. The only problem was the animosity of your peers. It constantly felt as though someone was out to get you. It was a feeling that kept you looking over your shoulder with caution. There were more whispers lately and it only continued your bad feeling. Of course you had an understudy in the event you couldn't dance the part and you noticed how she would glare daggers at you while ogling Nikolai.

You had just finished rehearsal waiting for Nikolai to finish changing out when foreign arms grabbed you from behind and your world went dark.

Your limbs were heavy and everything was starting to slow down. The commotion at the door of the cheap motel didn’t even reach your ears. Everything was muffled compared to the steadiness of your breathing. That was until Fyodor and Nikolai burst through the door. What they were doing here was beyond you. Why not the police? This had you confused but if anyone could track and take down some random ransom kidnapper it would be them. 

Ever since Fyodor took his first computer engineering and programming courses you had expected that he took to being quite the hacker but you never called him out on it. Aided with Nikolai’s weird obsession with carnival tricks like throwing knives, hatchets and the occasional lock picking, this seemed like a normal day. Maybe it was whatever the guy slipped you that made this seem like normal behavior. For all you knew, your brain could be trying to piece together logical connections for things that weren’t really happening just to preserve whatever mental stability you had left. In other words this could all be a dream that you wished was happening.

Fyodor knelt down in front of you. Piercing violet eyes assessed your condition. You could get lost in his eyes, if he would let you. His lips were moving much too fast for you to keep up. None of the sound registered to you. You've never seen him this expressive before. When he realized you were not listening he took off his uniform blazer and draped it around your nearly naked shoulders. You hadn’t even noticed that the two had taken off your restraints. Nikolai was searching for your discarded clothes as Fyodor started explaining again, but slower this time. 

“Sigma is outside dealing with our private police force. Nikolai’s father only let us come with them under the pretense we would not, personally, get involved but Nikolai threatened the chief to let us handle it.” 

Nikolai came back with your skirt but when you just stared down at the article of clothing they both gave each other a look and helped you redress. It was only when they tried to remove Fyodor’s coat did you finally snap out of your stupor and throw yourself into Fyodor's arms. Your breath was ragged and you were shaking. It seemed like your body was just now catching up to speed. The grip you had on his shirt only tightened as he wrapped his arms around you. The feeling in your limbs were weird, it took so much effort to move them freely and when you did, they felt like they were moving on their own accord. Right now you were safe and that’s all that mattered. Fyodor always made you feel safe.

“T-t…” 

The words couldn’t leave your mouth but then again you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t even realize you had started silently crying until Fyodor pulled away to wipe away your tears. By that time Sigma ran up to you making you fall back on the bed. 

“I WAS WORRIED SICK! If Fyodor didn’t hack into “Eyes of God”, who knows what would have happened!” 

Sigma was crying more than you were. You tried to smile but your face was too heavy to turn up the corners of your lips. “Do you know how hard it was to prevent Nikolai from killing anyone? The moment we found out you were taken, those two were completely different people!” Sigma shook you for emphasis “It was terrifying!”

You wanted to answer him so badly but your mouth only opened without making a sound. It only took a beat for Fyodor to express that you’ve probably been sedated. Once Sigma got your shirt and Fyodor’s jacket back on your person, Nikolai carried you out and held you while you were in the car. Being your pas de deux partner for a few years now meant he could carry your weight near effortlessly. You leaned your head into his chest. Your eyelids were feeling extra heavy as they slid shut. You didn't notice his grip on you tightening, pulling you closer to his chest. If you were paying more attention you might have even caught the light kiss he pressed to your forehead.

___

You never got the full story but you could assume that Fyodor was able to trace the kidnapper back to your understudy because she was never seen at the academy again. You didn't stop dancing per se but you tried other forms of performance. Singing and acting have always interested you. So when you entered the high-school division you decided to give the acting thing a try. Nikolai always followed you around like an eccentric puppy and it didn’t surprise you in the slightest when once again you both were casted as the leads. Although this time there was one glaring oversight on your part.

Whenever you had any issues you couldn't sort out yourself you always sought out Fyodor for advice. You had inconspicuously invited the russian over for one of your sleepovers that hadn't stopped when you were children. The only thing that was remotely off was the lack of Nikolai’s presence. As the boys were about to retire for the night you finally mustered up the courage to speak.

“Actually um,” You reached for his sleeve “Do you think you could sleep in my room tonight?” 

You couldn’t look him in the eyes. Both Sigma and Fyodor raised an eyebrow at you. When you were kids he slept in your room all the time and none of your parents ever said anything about it. Sigma shrugged, he trusts that Fyodor wouldn’t do anything. He would have said something if it was Nikolai since he’s constantly physically affectionate as a person but if anything Fyodor has stricter physical boundaries compared to you. He'll allow it, not that he was going to try and stop you.

You couldn’t believe you were doing this but it was necessary. If you didn’t Nikolai would tease you relentlessly in front of the rest of the cast and you wanted to avoid that as much as possible. You were already freaking out that you had to kiss Nikolai of all people. He’s always felt like a brother to you and ever since that incident during Cinderella you were traumatized at the potential for that to happen again. Sure you were older now but that thought would always be in the back of your mind. You were aware of his ever growing fanclub and while after that incident they stopped bullying you completely you never know.

The moment you got to your room you motioned for him to sit on your bed. You were fidgeting with the hem of your sleeves. Like always Fyodor seemed to read you like a book, sighing softly while giving you a reassuring smile. 

“Are you really that worried about kissing Nikolai that you need to practice?”

You groaned, hiding your face as you threw yourself on your pile of pillows. “Let it be known I hate when you do that!” You curled up into a ball peeking at the russian while hugging your safety pillow. You really didn't and Fyodor knows that, otherwise he would have stopped predicting your words a long time ago but it didn't make it any less embarrassing. He knows you a little too well.

“Yes, I’m worried about kissing Nikolai! I have to practically make out with him and I’ve never kissed anyone before.” Kicking your feet in frustration you sat up in a huff. “I don’t want my first kiss to be because I have to. I always thought my first kiss would be a special private moment. Something romantic you know? And now everyone’s going to watch me make out with Nikolai! I didn’t think I’d actually be Juliet. I thought I’d have more time.” Your face was hot and your heart was racing. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at Fyodor; he probably thought you were being ridiculous. Auditioning knowing that this was a possibility. It was your first time auditioning for a show that didn't have any proper dancing in it. You had just wanted the acting experience.

“There is no problem with wanting something to be special, (Y/N).” He put his hand on your cheek and guided your eyes to meet his. “If it puts you more at ease, I would be giving you my first kiss as well.”

Your breath hitched at the contact. He'd be giving his first kiss to you. You didn't actually think about that, although you should have known that was the case. He’s never had an interest in such things but he was willing for your sake.

He was sitting so close to you. When did he move from the otherside of the bed? Your head was spinning and nothing even happened yet. Neither of you initiated the kiss and his expression grew uncertain. This was awkward but you’d be figuring it out together at least. To be honest you didn't think he would entertain such an idea. You assumed he would talk you through being less anxious about it or perhaps give you a kiss on the cheek since he’s never been fond of physical contact if he could help it. That goes to show you Fyodor was a good friend, putting his comfort aside for your sake.

You closed your eyes mustering up enough courage to lean forward, gently touching his lips to yours. A flutter ran through your stomach as every thought in your head melted away. It was only one kiss but this already left you breathless and you were expected to do this on stage with everyone watching you? You became lightheaded as Fyodor pulled away first, resting his forehead on your shoulder. It felt warm to the touch which contrasted how cold he normally was. You moved to touch your lips with your hands. They still felt tingly.

Fyodor let out a shaky breath as he recited one of Nikolai’s lines. It almost didn't occur to you what he was doing until he sat upright with his eyes trained on your lips. He was caressing you just like Nikolai would in rehearsal. You don't even remember if you said the right line as Fyodor crashed your lips together. Again you were caught by surprise that he was taking this so seriously. You hummed as you melted into the kiss. Moving your lips against Fyodor's was making you dizzy. You couldn't help sighing softly under your breath. You were too enthralled with your personal bliss you didn't realize when Fyodor moved you to lay on your back. You were currently lying down with Fyodor looming over your smaller figure. Your hands gripped the front of your dress as your heart hammered away in your chest. You felt Fyodor pulling back again. His expression was unreadable but his face was flush. You were both panting looking at each other through half lidded eyes. You had the urge to pull him in for more. You really wanted to be greedy.

“Will that suffice?” He spoke as smooth and unwavering as ever, sounding unbothered like he wasn't also out of breath. You on the other hand could barely form words. “I-I believe so.” You were embarrassed and wanted nothing more than to continue where you left off but it was a self-indulgent thought. 

Fyodor curtly got up to turn the lights off and situated his side of the bed. As he turned away from you he said his goodnight. You were left mildly hot and indefinitely bothered beyond compare. How could he just kiss you with all the passion in the world and then go to sleep? Maybe Fyodor should have been the actor out of your group. You've never seen his eyes so vibrant before. You laid there lost in thought replaying that last kiss in your head. Fyodor was always there for you but you hate that no matter how close the two of you are you will never be more than friends. Over the years he's never had any interest in romance and If his actions after the kiss were any indication, he couldn't even look at you. You turned away from him trying to ease the rejection but your head was still reeling from the kiss. You would never forget what love should feel like, even if Fyodor would not return the feeling.

Fyodor was eerily still, listening for your breathing to even out. He doesn't know what came over him, the moment his lips touched yours a fire was lit throughout his body. He prided himself with his immaculate self control and his body threw it all down the drain. If he didn't stop when he did he would have just embarrassed himself in front of you. He felt the blood rush down his abdomen. That's why he was adamant about turning the lights off as fast as possible. Fyodor tried to will it away but the memory of how you looked up at him blissfully dazed was driving him mad. He agreed to help for purely selfish reasons and he almost feels bad about manipulating you but it was worth it to best Nikolai, in that you choose Fyodor to be your first kiss. 

He's watched the two of you only grow closer as the years passed and Fyodor feels like he's been left behind. Even though you've expressed that your feelings for Nikolai is that of brotherly love, he can't help but feel it's something more when he sees the two of you together. It would truly pain him to lose your affection to Nikolai but in the end if that's what you desired he's prepared to step aside for your happiness. At least that's what he tells himself, it's far too easy for him to be selfish for what he wants. In fact he's known of your love for him for years now but he doesn't press the matter because such infatuation would only distract from your studies and the last thing he needs is to have both of your father’s disapproval.

The next day you tried your best to mask your weary expression as Nikolai leaned in to kiss you. You were expecting to be met with the same overwhelming warmth that you had with Fyodor the night prior but your mind was clear of the fog. As you pulled away you waited for Nikolai’s next line but it never came. You gave him a quizzical look but he was still staring at you in awe. He gave it a beat before he broke character.

“Ah, sorry that was my first kiss.”

Your director was laughing as the rest of your cast exploded in conversation. Nikolai was always the utmost professional performer; this was the first time you think he’s ever slipped up and broke character for any reason. His face was a light shade of pink as he avoided your gaze.

___

Part 2, 3 parts total

[jahayla-parker]

Royal Comfort : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

Description: 2.1k wc sick!reader fic where reader is Nikolai’s wife and becomes sick after not heeding advice to rest her voice.

Warnings: illness/sickness, mentions of eating and drinking/soup and tea, mentions of Nikolai being shirtless (just fluff though, I promise), Nikolai bring a protective!simp for reader. 🖤

Note: full disclosure this wasn’t a WIP but rather to help my little sis @ell0ra-br3kk3r feel better 💜

“I thought you agreed to take it easy today” Nikolai sighed, walking into his office and seeing his wife y/n tidying up.

She turned to him with a guilty smile.

“How’s your throat?” He questioned, stepping to her.

“It’s gr-“ she coughed, “great”.

Nikolai gave her an incredulous look.

“Milaya, I heard you singing to yourself again” He informed her, reaching for her hand.

“Habit” she mumbled, shuffling her feet against the wood floor.

He grinned softly, “I know. And it’s precious, truly. But, you have to rest your voice”.

“Are you telling me to sh-“ She coughed again and groaned, “to shut up?”

Nikolai smirked, “If that’s what gets you to rest your throat, then, yes”.

She gave him a weak glare before spinning around to resume her cleaning.

“My beloved wife, we have people who can do that, you mustn’t fuss over it” He reminded her.

“You want them going through your documents?” She questioned softly, holding up one of his more confidential notes.

Nikolai hummed and took it from her, “Fair point Darling. I’ll handle this, you should see if Genya or someone can aid your throat”.

Y/n shook her head and took the paper back from Nikolai before setting it on the desk.

Nikolai watched her silently as she guided him to the lounge chair across the room.

She popped down and signaled for him to join her.

Once he sat down beside her, he moved to pull her to his chest and placed a tender kiss on the top of her head.

—— Time Skip 1 Day ——

“Darling” Nikolai scolded, arms crossed as he stared down his wife.

She winced slightly and covered her mouth.

He signed and walked to her before lowering her hand with his.

“I’m just worried you’ll make yourself worse” Nikolai explained.

She nodded, “I’m not trying to be difficult, it’s just so routine”.

Nikolai pulled her to him, resting his chin on her head, “perhaps you should stay in bed where you don’t have a reason to sing?”

Y/n looked around the room she’d been painting in and frowned.

As she turned back to Nikolai she shook her head with a pout.

He chuckled softly, “alright, but then the signing has to be put on hold hmm?”

She sighed but nodded reluctantly.

—— Time Skip 1 Day ——

“Your highness?” Sentinel Ivanov whispered, standing behind the King as Nikolai attended yet another boring meeting.

Nikolai nodded in response to his wife’s personal guard member, but respectfully kept his eyes on the meeting’s current speaker.

“It’s the Queen,” Sentinel Ivanov began, stepping back when Nikolai’s head whipped around instantly.

“What is it? Where is she?” Nikolai questioned, diregarding the meeting he was in.

“She’s fallen ill, she hasn’t left your shared chambers but has requested your-“ Sentinel Ivanov explained cautiously.

Nikolai stood from his seat and quickly walked to the exit.

“I have a family matter to attend to. General Nazyalensky will take over” he breathily rushed out before exiting the meeting room.

Nikolai ignored the way his staff in the hall turned to watch him speed down the hallway.

Upon reaching their bedroom door, he impatiently waited for the guards to part from their blocking of the entrance and then dashed inside.

Nikolai frowned so deeply his forehead wrinkled as he saw the state his wife was in.

Y/n lay there wrapped up in the comforter in the middle of their bed, tissues scattered across the sheets, head slightly hung, and sad eyes.

He nearly choked when she glanced over to give him a weak smile.

Her nose was red and stuffy and the smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Moya tsaritsa” he whined, rushing to her bedside.

She pointed wordlessly to her neck and frowned.

Nikolai sighed as he took her hand in his, “your sore throat worsened?”

She nodded and then paused as a shiver took over her body.

Nikolai felt her forehead with the back of his hand and let out a sigh of relief.

“No fever, let’s keep it that way, hmm?” He advised, scanning the room.

“It’s just a stuffy nose and re-“ y/N’s voice cracked, “really bad sore throat”.

Nikolai nodded and gently moved the pillows behind her before scooping her up in his arms.

He delicately placed her back down on the bed, closer to the head of it this time.

“Let me change and then we’ll cuddle and get some rest okay?” Nikolai offered.

“You could get sick Kolya” she whined followed by a small coughing fit.

He raised an accusatory eyebrow, “you expect me to care about that?! Especially when you’re ill?”

Y/n smiled softly at him but nodded.

Nikolai chuckled softly as he removed his uniform top.

“Your guard informed me that you requested my presence “ Nikolai grinned, although he was inferring that information as he hadn’t let Sentinel Ivanov finish before he rushed to come to her aid.

Y/n coughed loudly, making Nikolai’s head whip around to look over her.

As she lowered her arm from her mouth she sighed, “I’m okay”.

He shook his head and resumed changing his clothes.

“I didn’t think about it when I asked for you” she mumbled, “but I don’t want you to get-“

“Enough of that y/n,” he warned, “I won’t have it. You are my one true love and I’m not leaving your side until you’re well”.

“Bu-but you don’t have time to-“ she argued weakly.

Nikolai turned to her, his robe hanging open around his torso as he stared at her.

“Y/n/n, I always have time for you. I love you” he cooed as he made his way back to her.

“Even when I’m sick?” Y/n questioned, followed by another cough.

Nikolai pouted and softly pulled her arm away from her face after she finished coughing, “especially when you're sick. Sick people need even more love and time than usual, you know."

Y/n whimpered quietly as she reached to her husband, “…… I love you immensely”.

He smiled and slid into the bed beside her, his arms instantly closing around her frame.

“I love you too moya tsaritsa, now how can I help?” He questioned, kissing her forehead.

She shrugged, desperately clinging onto him, “don’t know. I’m fine”.

Nikolai sighed, moving one hand from her back to her chin and tilting her face upwards, “what’s the matter?”

“This is humiliating” she pouted, eyes darting anywhere but his face.

“There's nothing humiliating about needing help once in a while, my love” he promised, smiling tenderly at her.

She finally made eye contact with him and sniffled, “but you have more important-“.

“No” Nikolai stated, his hand placed over her mouth.

She gasped and then giggled against his hand, making him smile as he pulled his hand back.

“Don’t make me risk you having to cough because I had to cover your mouth. You’re not permitted to finish that sentence” Nikolai alerted her.

“Per-permitted?” She coughed and rose her eyebrow at him.

“You know I’d never restrict you milaya, but this is one exception. I will not stand for you insinuating that there’s anything in this world I would find more important than you” he affirmed, holding her closer to his bare chest.

Y/n laid her head against his torso with a smile on her lips.

“You’re sitting though” she teased quietly.

Nikolai chuckled loudly and tickled her sides.

As her laughter turned into coughs, he abruptly stopped and held her still as his eyes scanned her face.

“I’m terribly sorry love, that was a bad idea” he apologized frantically.

“Moi tsar, Moi Kolya, it isn’t y-your fault” y/n assured him, her voice cracking slightly.

Nikolai bent his head down to place a kiss to her stuffy nose.

“Shhh y/n/n, you don’t need to talk love” he advised, shifting so she could rest on his chest again.

A few calm moments passed before y/n pulled back to glance up at her husband again.

Nikolai smirked at her inability to stay still and nodded for her to explain what was on her mind.

“You’re not mad at me?” She questioned in a breathy whisper.

Nikolai’s eyes nearly crossed as he tried to figure out where she’d get such an idea from.

“Course not, why would I be?” He wondered, staring deeply into her eyes for an answer.

“I..” she sniffled and rubbed the tip of her swollen nose with the side of her palm, “I didn’t listen when you said to stop singing”.

Nikolai let out a gust of air as he broke into a smile, “it’s okay milaya, I love your singing. Just didn’t want you to hurt is all”.

“You love my singing?” She whispered.

He cupped her cheek and guided her head back to his chest, “I am in love with your singing, y/n”.

She hummed softly but stopped as she rubbed her throat in pain.

Nikolai pursed his lips before he began to slowly moving out from behind her so he could set her against the pillows.

“I’m going to get you some tea” he informed her when she frowned at his movement.

She pouted and shook her head as she tightened her grip on the edges of his robe to try and hold him down.

Despite the fact he could very easily escape her grip, he didn’t want to; and she clearly didn’t want him to either.

So, he placed a tender kiss to the top of his wife’s head.

“Sentinel Ivanov” Nikolai called out, his hands placed over y/n’s ears.

There was a firm knock on the doors of their bed chambers as Sentinel Ivanov responded, “Korol Lantsov?”

“You may enter” Nikolai confirmed, lowering his hands from his wife’s ears.

“Korol, Koroleva” Sentinel Ivanov bowed as he reached the end of the couple’s bed.

“Ilya, please rise” Nikolai said at the same time y/n said, “you don’t need to do bow”.

Ilya smiled and nodded at them as he waited to hear why he’d been called.

“Would you please have the kitchen fetch some warm tea, and perhaps honey if there’s any, for my loving wife?” Nikolai requested, rubbing y/n’s shoulder that wasn’t pressed against his chest.

“Of course moi tsar, anything else for Koroleva Lantsov?” Ilya replied with a nod.

Nikolai glanced down lovingly at his wife, “anything else you think will help, darling?”

She shook her head and then pulled her shirt over her nose as she coughed again.

Nikolai frowned, glancing between his wife and Sentinel Ivanov.

Ilya gave Nikolai a sympathetic look, knowing full well how much y/n’s discomfort was impacting the King.

“Has anyone brought her food today?” Nikolai questioned Ilya upon remembering it was nearly noon.

Ilya shook his head, “no one other than yourself has left nor entered these chambers today. Well, and now myself”.

Nikolai nodded, sighing as he looked back at his wife.

Y/n lifted her head to make eye contact with Nikolai as she felt his gaze.

“It hurts too much” she whispered.

Nikolai pressed his lips into a fine line as he thought of how to make sure she still ate.

“Perhaps there’s some soup or broth in the kitchen?” Nikolai asked as his eyes snapped to Ilya.

“I can certainly check sir” Ilya agreed.

Nikolai hummed and nodded, “that’ll be all. Thank you”.

—— Short Time Skip ——

“You must love me a lot” y/n croaked a Nikolai lowered the spoon back to the bowl of soup.

“Obviously, you idiot” Nikolai smirked, bringing up another spoonful of warm broth.

She squinted at him but sipped the broth from the spoon in his hand.

“Now you’re insulting a sick person?” Y/n huffed.

He chuckled, “only when you say such obvious things”.

She smiled and softly pushed his hand back down to the dish has he brought up another spoonful.

“You’re full?” He questioned warily.

She nodded and he grinned as she let out a yawn.

“Fair enough, but you’re going to have some more tea before we go to sleep” he ordered as he set the bowl on the bedside table.

—— Short Time Skip ——

“Don’t” y/n whispered, eyelids blinking slowly.

She yawned and snuggled into Nikolai’s embrace even more, “don’t stop.. your fingers…”

Nikolai hummed tenderly, his fingers still moving through her hair.

“Your fingers” she repeated lowly, “feel so nice in my hair”.

He smirked to himself before lowering his head to press a kiss to her head.

“So cozy Kolya” y/n mumbled, her eyelids closing.

Nikolai watched her closely until he saw the rise and fall of her chest.

Once he noticed her eyelids and facial features relaxed, he let out a satisfied sigh.

“Rest well my dear Koroleva” Nikolai hummed, letting his own eyes close.

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[doukeshi-kun]

n...nikolai throat training u w his fingers....he presses down on ur tongue and massages the back of ur throat and hhmfngmgnf. he makes u pull his gloves off w ur teeth first

𝙣𝙞𝙠𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙞 + 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙖𝙩-𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜

featuring ⨳ nikolai gogol x fem!reader

content ⨳ n/sfw+smut, finger-sucking, hand fetish ig, saliva... a lot, reader gags a lot

“I just barely touch your tongue, sweetheart.”

A bunch of lies. Two of his fingers are deep at the back of your throat and you keep gagging, drooling saliva on your chin. Nikolai chuckles deeply as he keeps you closer to his chest. You're on his bed, between his legs, choking on his fingers while his other hand gently massages your throat.

“Come on, suck them. You wanna take my cock but you're already gagging on my fingers? Ah, you poor girl.” he mocks. You whimper against his fingers before your mouth encloses them. You start sucking, while his fingers rub and press on your tongue.

“You're doing good, keep it up.” Nikolai giggles as his hand that's on your throat tightens, purposely and slowly cutting off your breathing. Your chest heaves as you whine around his fingers—body arches as your sucking on his fingers becomes sloppy. He doesn't press on your tongue but your tongue is slithering and licking around his skin.

Nikolai grins mischievously before he suddenly thrusts his fingers slightly harder into your mouth and you gag terribly, mouth waters as you let out a small whimper. He pulls his fingers out before his hand turns your chin up and his lips connect to yours.

The kiss is wet and you could only savour his advance before you moan directly into the kiss—as you feel sudden wet touch on your pussy. Your hand is frantic to your crotch, only to realise that Nikolai is spreading your folds and easily rubs your clit with the very fingers you choked on.

You break the kiss as you feel him slipping his well-lubed fingers inside, causing your hips to buck as you moan against his neck. Nikolai smirks before his other hand grabs your face and two of his fingers tap your lips.

“Knock, knock, open up, sugar.” he teases with impressed coo, seeing you open your mouth and your tongue falls out to lick and suck on his fingers. Nikolai only cackles, his tone is full of mockery as his smirk feels more and more humiliating—how funny it is for him to see your thoughts become a mush with just his hands?

Well, at least he knows you are trained well.

©doukeshi-kun 2023 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, more @/cherikolya

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

[kolyasangel]

different kind of love

synopsis: you and nikolai are new parents, and things have been a lot different with a baby in the house, but you wouldn't have it any other way...

content: fem!reader, dad!nikolai, the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff

Nikolai was sitting criss-crossed on the floor in his daughter's nursery room, surrounded by walls painted in a light powdery pink color, providing a gentle atmosphere. He was supposed to be getting her ready for a bath, but that was clearly not what was happening when you heard the adorable laughter of your four-month-old daughter. That's when you decided to abandon the dishes you were washing in the sink to check out what was going on instead.

"Nikolai?"

The door was wide open, so you walked closer and witnessed Nikolai lying on the floor, blowing raspberries on your daughter's tummy, making her laugh and flail her little arms and legs around. You leaned your head on the doorframe as you watched them bond, Nikolai not noticing your presence at all just yet as he was too distracted, but you didn't mind. This scene was too cute to be interrupted, so you were content watching from a distance. Nikolai's adoration for his daughter was palpable as he showered her with affection, absorbed in the moment as he squeezed her chubby thighs and kissed her tiny feet, making her laugh more.

Nikolai remembered the day you were discharged from the hospital with your newborn baby like it was yesterday. He was completely overwhelmed with happiness when he first held his baby girl in his arms. Her sweet little eyes opening and looking up at him made him tear up, happy to be alive to experience this with the love of his life, you. Whenever the baby would cry at night, he would not let you have to get up by yourself. He was always there to help as much as he could, not wanting you to do this alone, no matter how often you told him he could return to bed. He always knew when and where he was needed, picking up the responsibilities without a peep. You felt utterly grateful to have such an amazing man like him.

It seemed like resistance wasn't an option anymore because you couldn't help it and approached Nikolai, sitting beside him and touching his shoulder.

"Kolya-"

"Wait wait, not now, we were having so much fun! Isn't that right, sweetheart?" he asked his daughter, tickling her tummy and smiling at her laughter.

"You can play with her later, it's her bath time," you say.

"I know dear, but her big eyes were just begging me to play with her! Besides, she told me she doesn't wanna take a bath." Nikolai replied, picking his baby up and sitting her on his lap.

You rolled your eyes, knowing he was obviously playing around because she couldn't even speak yet, let alone make her own decisions.

"Righhttt, and she told me that she likes mama more than papa!" you protested jokingly.

Nikolai gasped and looked at his clueless daughter with fake hurt on his face. "You did?! How could you, my precious darling? I feel so hurt right now!~" he playfully jested, only to be met with his baby looking up at him innocently, making Nikolai coo and hold her closer in his arms.

"You're too cute to be mad at." he pats her head before handing her over to you.

"Come to mama.." you smiled and happily took your daughter in your arms, exchanging a smile with Nikolai before exiting the room shortly after.

Nikolai's smile widened as he headed to the kitchen to prepare a bottle for his little one for after her bath. He'd gotten quite good at this now— a stark contrast from how he used to struggle and couldn't even make a bottle without your help, which was funny to look back on. He hummed to himself as he did the task with ease.

After about twenty minutes, you return from the bathroom with your daughter in your arms. Returning to her room, you dressed her up in a new ruffly onesie, one that Nikolai had picked out from his last shopping trip. "Isn't it so cute? My little princess will look so pretty in this!" You recalled him saying when he showed you the outfit for the first time.

You browsed the small bookshelf in the room, full of children's books, including some Ukrainian ones, courtesy of Nikolai. He loved reading to his daughter even if she couldn't understand or speak a word yet, hoping she would pick up some of his native language when she was a tad bit older.

Nikolai came back into the room shortly with a milk bottle, placing it on a nearby table before coming towards you. Resting his arms on the arm of the rocking chair you were sitting in, he gazed at you dreamily, captivated by the soft glow of the lamp accentuating your features. He listened to you read, eagerly awaiting his turn to read to his daughter while admiring how beautiful you looked in this moment, wanting to soak in every detail, feeling as if he could never get enough. Nikolai has always found you beyond beautiful— that he never failed to let you know, but something about your motherly nature made you even more attractive to him. Even when you're visibly tired, your bright eyes and lovely smile still shine through, making his heart ache with so much love.

"Dove."

You paused and glanced at him when you felt a tap on your hand.

"Want to read now?" you ask Nikolai.

He nodded excitedly and switched places with you, settling into the chair and placing his daughter on his lap. You moved behind him and messed with his hair, earning a hum of approval from him. He opened the book to where you left off and began to read, his voice soothing and calm. Despite the baby reaching out and attempting to grab the pages, Nikolai held her little hands in his and continued reading to her, resting his cheek gently on her head.

"What sound does a duck make?" he asked, looking at his daughter, waiting for a response while you laughed at his question, finding how he expected something from her amusing.

She made babbling noises as Nikolai read, and he nodded at her gibberish, pretending he understood her.

"Good job!" he praised, squeezing her cheeks.

He continued reading, though he could tell she was getting fussy from tiredness as she started yawning and rubbing her face, her sleepy signs being too recognizable.

"I think it's almost her bedtime." You say, moving to face them both.

"Are you sleepy, baby dove?" he cooed as he smoothed her hair before reaching for a pacifier and giving it to her, only for her to spit it out and let it fall on the ground before starting to whine.

"Shh, it's okay darling." he cradled her, patting her back gently.

Realizing she could cry any second now, Nikolai loosened the tie that held his long hair in place. His little girl often used her small hands to tug and try to eat his hair whenever he kept it down, so it became a habit to tie it up whenever he held her. But if she was crying, he always let his hair down and allowed her to play with it because it calmed her down more than anything, even if it meant him getting drooled on sometimes.

"You and mommy both adore my hair, don't you?" he muttered, making you giggle.

"Kolya, I need to finish some chores from earlier. I'll be right back okay?" you told him and gave him a look, making sure he didn't need your help before leaving.

"I'll take care of her, don't worry." He smiled at you before grabbing the bottle of milk.

And with that, you returned to the kitchen to wash the remaining dishes. You heard crying from the room as you were drying the dishes and putting them away. However, you assured yourself that Nikolai had everything under control, and you proved to be correct as the cries faded into soft, soothing whispers and shushes from Nikolai.

Making your way to the dryer to gather fresh laundry from today, you walked past your daughter's room once more and paused for a moment to steal a glance at Nikolai. You could see him feeding your child and how she was comfortably nestled into the protective warmth of his arms, one of her tiny hands entwined in strands of Nikolai's hair, and her other little fingers clasped around his while she drank her milk. You took note of her droopy eyes, a sign she would be dozing off soon. These cute moments used to be mere daydreams, but now that they were a reality, you felt you could never get used to the indescribable giddiness they always filled you with. You smiled to yourself and scampered off to set the laundry basket next to the dryer, wanting to finish up the task quickly.

Reentering the room a few minutes later, you were met with the most heart-melting sight— Nikolai peacefully sleeping next to his daughter, who was resting on a small flower-shaped pillow. She must've fallen asleep after drinking her milk, and he decided to join her for a nap. You knelt on the floor and kissed your daughter's forehead.

"Sweet dreams, my baby," you cooed quietly, caressing the delicate skin of her cheek.

You then kissed Nikolai's forehead before cuddling up next to him, relaxing your head on his chest. "And my other baby."

You smiled contently as you closed your eyes and felt Nikolai hug you, happy with this adorable family you've created together.

[undiscovered-horizon]

"Femme fatale" - Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

[suggestive themes but nothing explicit]

SUMMARY: When you reveal how you won the suspiciously heavy bag of coins, Nikolai is overwhelmed with anger at the thought of you being intimate with another man. The thing is, he's never told you how he feels about you... until now.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.7k

<I cried on national TV today, I am anything but fine lmao>

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<

The bag thuds loudly as you drop it on the nautical maps scattered on Sturmhond’s desk. Tolya, Tamar and the privateer in question suddenly fall silent, their excited chattering put to a halt. Three pairs of eyes glance once at you, once at the big leather pouch.

“Did you rob a bank on your way here?” Nikolai asks. Although framed as a joke, his voice reveals that he’s not exactly discarding this possibility.

“I know that look.” Tolya gives you a half-smile, crossing his arms on his chest. Even if he wasn’t a Heartrender, he’d still be proficient at reading people. “She ripped someone off.”

You shrug and wave your hand in dismissal. “Some whaler, roughly the size of a small elephant, was very eager to spend the night with me. At first I wanted to rip his face off but then I realized that I saw a ship docking around the same time we did, so the whalers must have just gotten their wages. I offered the man that if he can win against me in cards, I’ll let him do whatever he wants to me. He got so excited he didn’t notice the stack of aces up my sleeve.”

Tamar nods her head in acknowledgement. The small smile on her lips betrays a sense of proudness. “Beat him at his own game. I respect that.” It was your and Tamar’s thing - the whole crew probably knows that most commonly known methods of cheating were invented by either of you.

“Thank you very much,” you say as you take back the bag. “But I doubt this is anywhere near close enough to get Hyram to take the nightwatch for me, so I’ll be off.”

“Come on, sister,” Tolya taps Tamar’s arm, “we have things to do as well.”

When your hand pushes down the door handle, you hear Nikiolai calling out your name in a rush. “Stay for a moment,” he asks in a strangely anxious voice. You give the twins a questioning look but they only shrug in response - their previous conversation with their captain never once involved even a mere mention of you.

The door closes with a thud behind Tolya and Tamar. What used to be a lighthearted, friendly atmosphere suddenly turns absolutely uncomfortable and tense. You furrow your eyebrows studying Nikolai’s expression. He looks… angry. Slowly, you stroll towards his desk again but the closer you are to him, the more uneasy you’re feeling. Standing maybe a meter or two away from the table, you suddenly find yourself unable to move forwards as though some force is separating you two.

Nikolai sighs. He shakes his head and looks at you with a fiery glint to his eye. "Are you out of your mind?!"

The sudden loss of composure renders you speechless. "I beg your pardon?" Part of you realizes that this conversation is not going to end quickly, so you drop the bag on the floor next to your leg. Besides, the pouch filled with coins does weigh quite a lot.

"What if you lost?” His voice cuts the tense air like treacherous blades. Those bright eyes aren’t any softer. This outburst is already surprising but considering the details of his appearance, this is already a tempered version of the fury residing in his viscera. “Have you any idea what…” he cuts himself off and sighs again. Nikolai closes his eyes, rubs his face and only then resumes talking. “What could have happened to you?"

"What's up, boss?" you nod upwards at him with furrowed eyebrows. "This isn't the first time I'm conning people out of their money through frankly reckless wagers."

"This is different,” he drones his words.

"How so?” you bite back. His inexplicable irritation is rubbing off on you. “I knew I was going to win. Even if I didn't, by some chance, I would have fought them."

"By yourself?” his voice raises again. You’ve never seen him like this before, only further convincing you that something serious must have broken his patience. But considering your history of relatively legal enrichment, it seems unlikely that it’s this little bet that had set him off. “With whalers that make Tolya look like a spud?”

It’s like dancing. Except he’s clumsy for a man of his agility and keeps stepping on your toes. And just like guests do on weddings, the two of you are pirouetting around the main attraction, naively thinking that the other person will miraculously be enlightened. The orchestra is playing the music and yet the dancing guests refuse to tell each other the name of the song.

"Come on, talk to me,” you coax him impatiently. This… dancing is tiring and there’s still quite a few things you need to do before the crew goes to sleep. “Say the quiet part out loud."

Nikolai hangs his head. You see his shoulders slowly raise and fall - he’s taking a deep breath, calming himself down. He walks around the desk and sits on its edge, leveling his eyes with yours. Something about his expression is changed like Nikolai has discarded the anger in place of defeat or compliance; like the steam that urged him to fight simply run out, returning the level-headed captain to you.

His eyes meticulously study the right-hand side of the room, along with the leather pouch, before he looks at you. "Can I be embarrassingly honest with you?"

You vaguely open your arms in a welcoming manner. "I'm all ears, captain."

Nikolai stares at you with a newfound intensity. The words almost escape him but he forces them back down his throat when he presses his lips tightly together. You see his hands grip the edge of the desk he’s sitting on as though he’s looking for something to ground him or just an outlet for his clearly turbulent emotions. Finally, Nikolai speaks but his voice is uncharacteristically low and somber: "The thought of another man having you makes me want to break this ship into pieces."

A strange tightness in your chest and throat; suffocating warmth sets your tired muscles on fire, its flames temptingly brushing against your starved skin. Then, a moment of defiance and doubt - how can you know he’s serious? That he’s not just saying this to keep you close in case he grows bored or frustrated one day? Privateers, pirates, corsairs, you’re all cut from the same cloth; hungry, money-grabbing, opportunist cloth.

"Another?" you ask. Hopefully Nikolai remains oblivious to the effect his words had on you. "You're making it sound like there's already a man I should be spending my nights with."

"There certainly is a man foolish enough to give everything away for the chance at your affection."

"If he's so desperate,” you begin thoughtfully, your voice low, “why has he never said a word?"

"I'm afraid he might just lose his sanity if you tell him no."

Perhaps it’s your own corporeality or the undisputable vulnerability in his words that makes you forget the distrust and defiance you felt towards this consuming notion. Suddenly, the tension that prevented you from coming closer has disappeared if not shifted to be located behind you, dissuading you from leaving the room. The nervous, thrilling atmosphere is nudging you forward, towards the man sitting a mere meter or two away from you, his eyes boring into you with anticipation. Some devious voice in the back of your head notices the romance in the dim candlelight and steady rocking of the boat traveling the seas.

Your legs, betraying your will, push you towards Nikolai. He straightens his back noticing you walking in his direction, suddenly his muscles flexing and creating tension. No matter how one wishes to look at it, he appears ready, prepared to take action.

"Well,” you shrug slightly, “unless he asks, how can he know it's going to be a no?"

"Better safe than sorry, I suppose,” he answers quietly as though the lack of space between the two of you is pushing down his chest, squashing juvenile vitality out of him.

A breathy chuckle leaves your lips. You shake your head in amusement at the atypical uncertainty. "Said the famous privateer Sturmhond, known for his utter lack of bravado."

Then, like you had lifted a curse that clouded the blue sky above his head, Nikolai furrows his eyebrows in a confused expression. "Yes, that doesn't really sound like me, does it?"

"Not in the slightest.” You answer. His lips curve into a smile and you find yourself wallowing in relief at the familiarity of his easy-going, up-beat attitude. “This makes me think that the mysterious admirer simply can not be you."

"When did you become a detective?” he jokes. Whether it’s your lack of straightforward rejection or the fact that you’re steadily getting closer to him, Nikolai’s humor is only improving. “Amuse me. What would I have done?"

"I think…” your voice trails off as you fiddle with the hem of his frock coat, “that you would say something smooth and suave, then have me however you want. And I’d come crawling back every night."

In a quite unprofessional manner, if either of you even thought about that aspect at the moment, his hands slide up your thighs and hips only to rest on the curve of your waist. Then, Nikolai forcibly pulls you closer to him. First you yelp in surprise but soon you hear yourself gasping as his leg brushes against your groin.

A low chuckle leaves his mouth. "That sounds like a yes to me."

You can’t stop yourself from cradling his face, threading your eager fingers through his golden locks. Nikolai’s hot, ragged breath grazes your cheeks when you lean in. His lips are slightly apart, silently begging you to let him indulge in the sweet release of carnal desire. You lean closer to his ear, your voice comes out nearly as a growl:

"I'd say yes even if it's going to be the last thing I'm going to say."

His lips feverishly kiss your jaw and neck. A stifled moan escapes your lips and you swear you can hear Nikolai snickering.