#None of u know what im talking about but I DO and thats what matters

[strangersynth]

bc you have things to say doesn't always mean you needa say them let alone it also doesn't always mean it's your place to say them kwim

[g0dwat3rwritings]

Hellooo, Im not sure if ur requests are open, so ignore this if they aren’t, but could i request Obanai x Reader that is like, his adopted little sister, they have similar background etc, act similar (shes a lil softer but yk)? Like, u could really mistaken them for siblings if u didnt know, and all platonic ofc [: Also, If u have the time and want to, you can also make hcs abt what the other hashira think of u, but thats alot of work so i understand if u dont.

Anyways- I hope u have a nice day/night, and dw for not doing this, I fully understand. [[[:

I got this request on November 4, 2023, and started writing it today (June 18, 2024). Man, I am so sorry 😭

I also subconsciously made the reader a teenager, around the ages of 12-14

Tengen's part includes his wives, because I love them and needed to include them some way.

I think I just suddenly forgot how to write Gyomei and Shinobu??? so, their parts are rather short and they only have a few bullet points.

Warnings ;; None.

Relationship ;; Platonic

Type ;; Headcanons

Iguro Obanai ;; The Snake Hashira

Obanai is very protective of you, and even that's an understatement.

He knows you're strong, especially for a kid, after all, you're his Tsuguko.

Surprisingly, you didn't become his Tsuguko just because you're like a sibling to him, you became his Tsuguko because he could recognize your strength. (And you wouldn't stop pestering him)

You're very close to Kaburamaru, and he likes to be near you, just like with Iguro.

When you're not training with Iguro, you're more than likely taking missions here and there, or you're at home.

He didn't really like the idea of you meeting the other Hashira, besides Mitsuri, mostly because he doesn't exactly care for any of them.

He holds very high expectations for you, but at the same time, his expectations are also very low.

Giyuu Tomioka ;; The Water Hashira

Tomioka wouldn't exactly bother getting to know you, or bother talking to you, unless you initially started a conversation.

At first, it would seem like he was ignoring you, but if you kept pestering, he'd slowly open up, day by day, and start talking to you.

If you didn't happen to start a conversation upon meeting him, he may give you a wave upon seeing you, but besides that, you won't get much else.

He's very awkward around other people, especially children.

Even if you don't exactly talk, or if you aren't exactly friends, he'll get you a snake keychain for your birthday every year.

He may not know much about you, but he knows how much you hang around Obanai, so he assumed you liked snakes.

Mitsuri Kanroji ;; The Love Hashira

Mitsuri absolutely loves you.

She loves taking you out to lunches, when she's able to.

No matter the length of your hair, she absolutely loves to put your hair up, or do your hair.

She has a tendency to buy you things from random markets. If she happens to be there, and see something you may like, she's buying it and giving it to you the next time she sees you, with the widest smile on her face.

Sleepovers with Mitsuri are a must. She manages to convince Obanai to let you stay with her for a night or two while you just have a girls night.

Muichiro Tokito ;; The Mist Hashira

This mostly depends on when you meet Muichiro.

If you meet him before he regains his memory, he constantly forgets who you are, just like with everyone else.

He doesn't much care for you, and if you strike up a conversation with him, he's not very into the conversation.

If you meet him after he regains his memory, that also depends on who you are to Tanjiro.

If you're close to Tanjiro, he'll start up conversation with you occasionally, and you'll basically be acquaintances, or friends, if you happen to be lucky.

If you're not, he talks to you occasionally around the base, but doesn't actively try to start up conversation with you.

Tengen Uzui ;; The Sound Hashira

Tengen believes you're Obanai's little sister, even if you tell him otherwise.

Maybe a year and a half after you meet him, he'll slowly start to accept that you're not.

But even then, he still calls you "Obanai's Flashy Little Sis"

Suma frantically worries about you, due to the fact that you're a child, and taking on important missions.

Makio acts like she couldn't care less, but is still kind of worried for the same reason Suma is. You're just a kid, and a Tsuguko at that.

Hinatsuru, just like the other two, tends to worry, for all the same reasons, but she's very sweet about them.

After Tengen's retirement, if you're about to head out on a mission, they'll stop by and give you a few snacks for the road.

They kind of act like protective family members.

Like your uncle and three aunts, in a sense.

Gyomei Himejima ;; The Stone Hashira

Gyomei treats you like one of the children he used to care for.

He, like Obanai, is rather protective, but he's quite lenient about it.

He even gifts you one of his spare beads, hoping they'll protect you on your journeys, given how young you are.

He's almost like a father figure.

Sanemi Shinazugawa ;; The Wind Hashira

Sanemi doesn't much care for you at first.

That's an understatement, he doesn't say a single word to you and simply walks away.

In an odd way, you remind him of Genya. He's also just.. not good with children so he has no clue what to say, or how to act.

If you, some how, some way, get him to talk to you, he's very stiff and very rude at first.

He wouldn't be able to get rid of the thought of Genya while talking to you, so that's how he reacts, as if he's talking to Genya.

Over time, he loosens up and begins to talk to you more often.

Kyōjurō Rengoku ;; The Flame Hashira

Your first meeting with Kyōjurō is very, very loud.

You might think you're deaf for a few hours afterwards.

He will bring you food entirely unwarranted, you have zero (0) choice in the matter.

He'll also ask if you'd like to eat with him, which you do have a choice in the matter there.

He's a rather silent eater, besides the occasional "Umai!" after every bite.

If you'd like to have a conversation with him, he can talk about anything and everything, and is always willing to.

You tend to remind him of Senjuro from time to time, and when it happens, the widest smile appears on his face.

Shinobu Kochō ;; The Insect Hashira

Shinobu is very sweet towards you, especially when you first meet her.

You remind her of Kanao, in a sense.

If you manage to grow close to her, in some way, she may let her guard down here and there.

She'll never fully let down her guard around you, because she knows you're a kid, and you don't need to know the truths of her life.

She makes it known, very often, that if you ever get injured, she's willing to patch you up, good as new.

No matter how bad the wound is.

[pilotduty]

PILOT TALK TO ME ABOUT ZOMBIE SOULSUCKER PLS

HI LOVE OF MY LIFE i knew i could rely on u to be as Insane about this as me. putting it below the keep reading line because im about to unload the Directors Cut on you xo

SO a lot of people see soulsucker and starfucker to have a sort of angel/demon dynamic going on, and ive been eating that up because i looove the religious trauma angle this album is taking but then i was like What If st*r didn't align with typical religious imagery because... tbh that trope can get kind of bland.

him being brought back from the dead as a reference to clinging to the safety of the past and hesitance to accept/pursue change.. him being a character who is like the embodiment of everything awsten used to be and the parts of himself that havent changed even though the environment around him and the sound of his music have. st*r being dead makes him feel like he cant change no matter how badly he might want to. if he does something wrong, something that breaks the rules, he could literally physically fall apart. he doesnt know what's keeping him alive but he has to assume its some kind of godly power, because thats all he has as a frame of reference for life and death. but he's a creature that not even god can touch now. whether or not he realizes what that means for him, he knows that he can't go back to how he was, if he even knows what that would look like. he at the very least has the safety of already being dead- "if i'm already dead i can't be killed".

the important thing is that st*r is dead. or he should be. awsten can't figure out how to keep him dead, or re-kill him, or hide him away. no matter how badly he wants st*r gone, he doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

ok anyway heres design aspects that are Important To Me-

i gave him his scene-era haircut intentionally, i think it ads to his character representing his past self

upside down cross necklace because I Felt Like It

st*r's canon excessive layering is mostly to hide that he's dead and decaying

under his shirt his heart is exposed. im going to draw that next i think. theres a constant open wound over his heart- you can literally see directly into his heart :3

the places where his arms and fingers move a lot are the most prone to splitting- thats just a logistical design thing that i thought was cool it doesnt really Mean anything LOL

halo hair design. because of those rumors that he dyed his hair in a halo. unholy creature with holy traits etc etc

gave him that extremely hot and bad for me running/smudged eyeliner that has the little flecks of star glitter in them because It Looks Cool and theres Something there about having tiny stars under his eyes despite stars Not Being His Theme-Relevant Shape

the idea of him supergluing the edges of his gloves to his fingers to keep them from falling off while he performs popped into my head while i was drawing him and i thought you specifically would dig that concept. so.

soulsucker and st*r represent different ways awsten presents himself (i think- i kind of Dont Care about the lore that much ((i care So Much that was a lie)) and dont read other people's interpretations on it, but thats mine) so i think the idea of st*r trying desperately to hold himself together and fit the expectations/aesthetics of his job are kind of devastating from this angle, because he literally physically can't do it. whether its his own reluctance keeping him from doing it or some otherworldly/godly interference is up to interpretation methinks

more on its way i woke up like an hour ago and cant remember everything i wanted to say so sorry if none of this Matters or doesnt make any sense

[violentviolette]

how do you tell apart violent impulses from violent intrusive thoughts when you get both? I know I have violent impulses because I acted on them before I had a better system for dealing with them and I know I have intrusive thoughts because I get sexual intrusive thoughts about things I never get impulses over. I know it doesn't make sense because I can tell sexual intrusive thoughts have no impulses behind them but the line is just completely blurred for me with violent thoughts. I always deal with them like they're impulses and get myself as quickly away from the victim and weapon as possible just in case but it always weighs on me not knowing if I really would have acted on that were my reins looser. When I acted on my violent impulses in the past I never felt guilt over actually doing it even if I wouldn't choose to repeat it but stopping myself from potentially acting on violent thoughts makes me feel like garbage

personally, and this is highly subjective and not like a universal Fact, but i generally seperate them by "impulse = rooted in feelings relevent to both the situation and my wants" and "intrusive thought = not triggered by or relevent to actual feelings i have outside the thought" so like, an intrusive thought *to me* is something like "pick up that knife and stab it thru their hand to pin it to the table" when nothing is wrong and im just generally chilling, this is not something i would actually enjoy nor get any real pleasure or satisfaction from doing

whereas an impulsive thought would be "punch that person whose irritating u in the face cause it'll make them stop speaking" cause that is actually rooted in something that would bring me pleasure or satisfaction to do, but i know is socially innopropriate and not a healthy way to handle the situation

but honestly, i think the difference isnt always important, especially when talking about how just having either of those thoughts makes us feel about ourselves. there is no inherent morality to thoughts. our thoughts simply exist, and they have no bearing on whether or not we are good or moral people.

i've had the urge/thought/impulse to hit my wife before. dozens and dozens of times actually. i never have and i never will, but the urge to solve all my problems by simply punching them is a strong urge that i dont think will ever go away for me. i get angry or upset and my instinct is to become violent over it. but simply having the thought to do so doesnt make me a domestic abuser or a bad partner. the fact that i have never once given in to that urge and continue to control my behavior is what makes me a good and healthy partner.

it doesnt matter what u would have done if u werent controlling ur behavior, what matters is that *u are controling that behavior.* u are doing the right and healthy thing by choosing not to act on an impulse or intrusive thought and taking measures to ensure u dont. that shouldnt make u feel bad, it should fill u with pride for urself. the thought is not the important part, it's what u DO with that thought that matters. people think all kinds of insane things all the time, triply so when u have mental illnesses. brains are weird and freaky and they think wild shit. none of that matters, what matters is ur actions and ur behavior and the fact that u can and do control urself to behave in healthy and appropriate ways is the sign of u being a well adjusted and mature adult and healthy member of ur social group.

dont beat urself up over ur thoughts, they are not what make u who u are. ur actions make up the person u are and its ur actions that matter. and the fact that u take action to ensure the safety and well being of the people around u is what determines that u are a good and healthy person making the right decisions, and thats something u should feel very very proud of urself over

[minophus]

college au is like. i couldnt tell u their specific majkrs but im sure ill have it at some point.

gabriel in regards to classes-he definitely prioritizes them. honestly if he had less abysmal habits and less of a habit of thinking too hard about his answers he could be better off. no doubt like hes a Good Stufent and he does well but he stresses himself out along w really (jnrealistic) high expectations he holds himself up to. def the gifted kid growing up. A and B student. sometimes a c writhes its way in there.

in regards to people- he loooooooves helping people. he loves hearing the Ohhhhh of a sudden understanding of a concept that he got to explain. very friendly and well liked but not wholly Cared about..hes used a lot just for his smarts, and like outside of helping tutor other folks theres not a lot going on socially. except for communication btwn him and his uncles(which i like to picture are the councillors. very religious family. like Crazy religious.)gabriel probably has some internalized homo/transphobia somewhere in there but he has an arc about that.

mirage and her classes - Makes half assed attempts to study in my mind, she puts her mind to it, pulls out a textbook reviews her notes etc … eventually grows bored, experiences the autism frustration of not having completed a task, and ends up in a nihilistic spiral while I Think listening to music. or texting a friend. she wouldnt admit it but music is a passion of hers. Dont tell anyone but i like to think she daydreams abiut starting a band.

mirage and her social life - she probably has a small circle of friends that are just a total fucking tar pit. she stands where she stands and they disagree sometimes but in the end none of this matters and we might as well hang out after class. actually do you wanna skip next period? etc. shes hard to get along with just because shes so horribly negative but i dont think shes outright rude. maybe has a passive aggressive or underlying tone but i dont think she means it. because none of it matters.

v2 and classes - very hard worker! vigilant and pays attention. snaps at you if youre distracting her. her bag is a bit of a total fucking mess but she’,ll get those papers after the test.( never gets the papers). She gets particularly pissed when people take their sweet sweet time moving around campus. she knows just what to say to get an extended deadline if shed ever need it. i think she has very organized notebooks themselves but again. bags a mess. dorm’s a mess. i think shed find a way to get a single dorm.

v2 and people - gets along relatively well, makes some MEAN small talk and fantastic at making a deal. no close friends though, primarily just acquaintances she waves at and asks how theyre doing.. thats about it. tries to have fun on her own.

v1 in classes - THIS FUCKING GUY. i cannot decide whether it would have straight A’s on accident or straight F’s while knowing the material SCARILY well. what i do know is it would never take notes it would never study its living a life and having fun. not a frat boy or anything tho i dont grt those vibes.

v1 with people - i dont think it has friends though on account kf It Doesnt Really Talk and a lot of other mchines dont bother to Bother with a guy who refuses to really talk. unintentionally rude somehow. creeps ppl out with the unbroken eye contact even as its doing an intensive task. verrrry expressive with bodylang though as if youve got the patience you can get a crazy convo going. like its unintentionally rude but i think its well meaning. unless if its v2. they happened to go to the same college and they have a sibling rivalry. if these two have no friends then theyve got eachother. to bully and tease.

[supermaks]

Lew hyping up a violent domestic abuser on his ig feed ((prolly being friends with him too, the same way he’s been friends with other scary, violent men, diplo, etc)) should move u the same exact way max dating somebody whose dad says slurs and supports fascist politicians does. Which is to say, it shouldn’t move u at all. Ik f1lbr is queen of pick and choose and y’all don’t bother hiding which stories determinate Max or Lew’s character and which are just a reflection of the Ill adviced crews they surround themselves with. Either way, it’s all fake bro. Y’all don’t know these mfs. Here’s what u DO know, at least if u claim to be a fan: u know Lewis is good because that’s what he strives to be. He does good, in many ways, all the time. I trust that. I also know Max is good because he’s kind, sweet, and whenever he isn’t putting his foot in his mouth, he knows what to say. He knows he needed to condemn his gfs fathers words, so he did. Even tho, imo, that shit had nothing to do with him. Like Brad Pitts history of abuse has nothing to with Lewis. Lewis wanted to hype up a friend, and Max wanted to address the situation with his gfs dad. None of that matters tho. Ik who I root for and ik who i support and ik who my drivers are. Release yourself from the weight of these fake ass terms and conditions that 1) u don’t even know how or who to apply it to 2) will dampen ur total enjoyment of the sport until all thats left is bitter resentment that nobody understands or cares about 3) just be a fan. Be a fan. The privilege u assume i have to able to say these things is the exact privilege I lack. Im a queer black woman. My existence is political. Yet what moves me in F1 is the driving. And if u think that’s just my privilege talking, well I once again invite u to consider that I have none. Im bottom of the pyramid in terms of who F1 exists for. It’s just my own personal relationship with the sport that I knew how to build. And that a lot of u didn’t. Kisses

[starbby222]

How can I manifest the hottest guy in college. He always goes to the gym near my house. But I swear he doesn't look at anyone, his girlfriend is beautiful and yes, I see him unreachable because like the others, he ignores me....

again, you gotta work on the inside.

he isnt unreachable, no one or anything is. no matter what they (dont) say or (dont) do.

stop telling yourself he's unreachable, bc in that case 'manifesting' him is useless because you've constantly affirmed he cant be yours.

He can. Realize the power you have. Change your thoughts, how you see him & how you see yourself in this situation. Affirm he's already single & ready to be yours. Persist in that. like soooooo.... maaaaanyyyyy... bloggers have said and even i preach myself: the 3D dont mean shit. youre experiencing him actually not being yours because you TELL YOURSELF he cant be. he isnt unreachable, thats why 'he has a girlfriend' (no he doesnt, and if he does its you.) you dont need a method rn so im not going to give you one. you dont deserve something to get obsessed about doing daily-nightly with no results in the end. things like 'how can i manifest' therefore receiving a method is trivial because all it takes is understanding that your desire is already yours because you know you can get whatever you want. ur not lying to yourself, ur not being delusional, none of that. pick the person you want to be: the girl who has that guy because she simply said so, or the girl who never even gets to talk to him because she sees him as above her.

much luck to u

💋!!

[youremyheaven]

Hey, I always end up here for some reason. I actually do have a lot of people I want to ask about but it would take an eternity, but I would like to ask about relationships. I never dated but I did attract the boys I liked, some moments just happened for 1 or more years but I couldn't date them or anything, I don't regret nothing but I do remember them messing bad and it always ends up with me and my dignity, and I choose latter. They do remember and "seem" to like me even after months, as I heard from my friends after I stopped talking to them which I don't what's happening like where was your courtesy before? With such failed attempts in barely seeing them made me question my own taste. If I remember I know they reciprocate the feelings from here and there but they never told me directly, it's like I've to put efforts which I mostly don't and I don't want to assume anything so I just have to move on. I take my time and they end up doing bizzare things so I create some distance. There was a guy who did confess after whole ton of my hardwork but it was such a trashy experience, I didn't settle of course but my goodness never in my life again. I just gave up on this matter overall, let's see what happens next. I want to be a little delusional for a while. Can you talk about V a little bit, I was curious because I relate to him a lot and I thought of it as romantic before but I don't think it's the same now, I don't know what I'm trying to say but you haven't talked about him much either and I wished to hear this from your side? So if you just want to add something? Maybe I'll know myself a little too? Can you also talk about my attraction to such partners and them being weird?

i dont know if i entirely understood what you were trying to say

but basically you attract boys you like but even if they seem to like you, you don't get them to confess or be straight up with you??

IF this is what you meant,

boys who dont tell you they like you are weaklings. a lack of clear communication means they dont like you enough to risk their pride getting bruised. if a guy genuinely likes you, he'll risk it all and be straightforward with you

guys hold back when they have multiple thoughts running through their head and ideally their only thought should be bagging u

what goes on in their heads is none of our business and it doesnt matter. a guy who does not actually be clear with his intentions and does not pursue you is NOT worth your time. leave them in the dust.

idk how young you are but since you say you dont have any experience dating , i feel like saying this, its okay to want to be desired and wanted by others. there is nothing wrong with it. its biological and natural.

so ask yourself if you just wanted a bunch of admirers or if you actually wanted to date these guys

i know it can be really confusing and stressing as well tbh when someone gives you mixed signals but honestly just leave it at that. theyre being shady because THEY have shady intentions. no man with actually good intentions would hesitate to approach you directly my queen<333

idk how useful this is but im someone with a very "a win is a win" mentality lmao in the sense that if i liked someone and they liked me back, thats a win 😌😜

you did hear from your friends that those guys liked you, so likeeee 👀💅🏻

the number of people who like you, who you have mutual liking with etc will always exceed the number of people you actually date bc thats just math

if 10 guys like u and u like them back, u cant date all 10 in one go (or maybe u can but u'd have to figure that one out urself 🤡)

alsooo men being weird is just ://// how a lot of men are. many guys are straight up bizarre ://// dont take that stuff personally

about V (taehyung), he's actually my least favourite BTS member tbh,, idk if its because he's a Revati Moon (atmakaraka) with Mars in Uttara Ashadha amatyakaraka or what but he's always struck me as a guy who was kinda tough to be around. i dont think he's horrible or anything but his Shravana Venus, UA Mercury and Mars, Moon conjunct Ketu,,, its a weird combo,, he himself is a bit offbeat and eccentric but he would expect his partner to be kinda traditional and modest. i just dont like malefic influenced men i guess :///

something about his sweet boy act feels insincere to me. and as someone who has been around manyyyyy Revatis ,, i dont like that ADHD type behaviour they exhibit (im not making fun of anyone who actually suffers from ADHD and nor am i equating a mental condition with a nakshatra, i just dont know how else to describe the way manyyy Mercurials act??? yk all those funny reels and tiktoks about how gen z has a short attention span and communicate in a weird way bc they're chronically online, yeah, thats how a lot of Mercurials act)

a bit of a self-drag but i went to a girls school until i was 15 and had never interacted with a guy my age, after switching to a co-ed school at 16, i had to learn how to deal with guys from scratch. its a whole different world ill tell u. i think atp due to your lack of experiences with dating, you just dont know what to expect and how to deal with it. and thats okayyy,, this is just a part of life and youll figure it out for yourself as you go. dont stress out too much and dont worry about it tbh,, there are 8 billion people on this planet, there has to be a decent guy who will be honest, as well <333

[her-canine-teeth]

maybe by flower face - notes

Im sorry abt the blocks of text in the middle omg it was NOT supposed to be this long but im citing ppl! very exciting.

STILL WITH COLOURS but now its harder to explain bc its not pov; theyre being talked to. so im gonna just keep the original colours from the planning doc (wich is mostly who is shown rn)

jackie blue, shauna red

You cut so deep but

she cuts herself. p obvious i think. but its not only physical (more or less) but also jackies words (in the context of the whole scene)

I’ve always loved you deeper

1we know cannibalism is a sign of love (at least i think everyone whos found my edits does. idk the fanom rlly apart from tumblr). shauna has always loved jackie (even though she doesnt know it), through the years of feeling inferior to jackie (until the end). 2jackie cuts herself to give to shauna but its like more outer layer ig? anyways shauna eats like. her whole or at least not 5 cm flesh

Those voices in your hallway, if you let her in,

sort of resembles a hallway//obvsly th hallucinations started before she ate the ear but it was like the start of the hungry thing

You’ve gotta keep her

love the eye thingy omg. same as above

who’ve you been talking to

more like 'what have u done' but u get the picture

What do they want you to do?

also like. obsvious i think

Baby, I’m afraid you’ve been reckless with my heart

NOW jackie is talking. no more 3rd person narrator.

anyways yeah i dont rlly know what to explain here. she tore the last connection jackie had to their friendship and uh @amygobrrr said it better than I could rn

bc "Shauna was supposed to be the one person who truly loved her. The one person who loved Jackie, not as a soccer captain (like the team did), or as just a girl (like her boyfriend did), or as the mirage of perfect daughter (like her parents did), but loved her as her, as Jackie. Shauna's journal reveals even that to be a lie. [...]

Jackie is hurt, not over Jeff—though he provides her with a convenient excuse to the others—but over what Shauna being willing to sleep with him says to her about how Shauna must view their friendship. Shauna has told her that love and friendship don't matter. The romantic love Jackie knew she didn't feel for Jeff, the romantic love she believed Shauna didn't feel for her, and the platonic love she believed Shauna did; none of them mattered, none of them ever existed. [...]

Jackie is, at this point [the arguing scene], totally convinced that no scrap even of the friendship she was so desperately clinging to really exists. Everything she feels for Shauna is unrequited—everything except, of course, the anger and the hurt."¹

anyways thats why she died

While i was sleeping you slipped in and burst apart

sleeping = death. thats my humor. bursting apart references the panic yk sorta

God knows i love you so, but i won’t be your ghost

(^ thats not wjat ure hungry for is sorta love to me. idk why but i always have to think of that. one day im gonna analyse that)

ghost/hallucination idk. jackie tells her 'what? actually, you dont know. [my death] was totally ur fault'. shes not formless, passive, not just like hanging there (obviously its more shaunas pov as shes the one imagining the whole thing. so its shauna making jackie reject her again? (nvm the 'but we were just children' rn) maybe bc its because thats the most prominent memory shauna has of jackie; being rejected constantly. bc of jeff, bc of her giving her attention to other ppl, by telling her what to wear etc and therefore directly rejecting a part of shauna herself.

in her hallucinations jackie is way more like sharp and mean sorta; thats how shauna remembers her. this is how she lives on in her memory; for shauna, jackie is saying: im not yours, i never was and i never will be, even after death. even when literally nobody else can see me (REGARDING THE LYRIC. NOT THE ACTUAL TEXT i should probably say this.) doesnt matter if that is how jackie really was/felt about shauna bc thats not what it is about. not anymore, not for a long time; its about how shauna sees jackie, and herself through jackie. jackie doestn exist anymore; shes a mere mirror through which shauna sees a distorted version of herself whcih she attributes to jackie. (i feel like i should make a post abt this (esp bc you can reverse the whole thing) if somebody is rreading this (hi) pls tell me if i shouldd)

You’re the one who’s in my body ripping at the seams

(still jackie talking like vo style) I LOVE THIS its about shauna living jackies life. she lives the normal, homecoming-queen, married-her-hs-sweetheart life, not the went-to-brown life. instead of jackie - bc she 'killed' jackie (for the sake of this symbolism). thats shes in her body is a bit more extreme than that shes just living her life but like i get it? she has assumed jackies role, she literally married jackies boyfriend. shes not living a live similar to the one jackie wouldve led, but literally living her life.

but its ripping. bc shauna is not jackie (but fundamentally different.) shes not the normal housewife; if its only bc she cheats or her violent tendencies (outright murder) or her past alone. stuff thats like bigger than jackies body? idk how to say that. rabbits dont symbolize that but they remind me of like innocence almost? childlike maan idk how to say that but stuff that shauna is decidedly not; stuff that jackie probably would be. to me, it shows the difference; shaunas assumed life vs her real self. shes keeping the ceramic rabbits, shes keeping them, shes trying but shes still sb else. its not her life, it was never supposed to be

You’re the one who’s crashing on the highways in my dreams

(now shauna is talking) the bridge has aways been symbolic with dreams for me. probably bc its night there idk anyways jackie is haunting shauna, similar to a nightmare. when she turns jackies gone; it becomes abundantly clear that its not real, its a dream but shes still dead

maybe i won’t, maybe i will

yeah. maybe shell stay outside, maybe shell come inside

haven’t slept so easy since you left me in the wild

rlly love this bc technically shauna left jackie outside, in the wild. and she didnt sleep that well out there (she died). BUT i love it more to interpret this as 'jackie went outside, jackie died and left shauna alone to spiral into madness or something close to.' also shauna hasnt slept that easy after tbh

I wish i could have loved you right

bet she does wish that. bc they loved each other! they really, obviously did. but they (here shauna) didnt know how to do it right;

but i was just a child

(which makes sense consiering their circumstances etc). and they were children and like its normal to make mistakes and idk its probably not that normal to cheat on ur bff with her boyfriend but the point is children make mistakes. only normally they dont die for it. and i dont think shauna was cheating on jeff for jeff but for jackie (which is like. wildly popular thought (?)(has to be bc ive heart of it lol) so i dont think i have to explain it much) (or at all rlly) bc she wanted jackie and the only way she could have her was by getting with her boyfriend (the only person with which she was physically sort of closer than shauna). smell jackie on him and pretend its her etcetc

maybe I won’t, maybe I will

she was with jeff, she is with jeff, but in the same way jackie was and is still with her.

Run back to you

always (shows the progression, jackies always there frfr)

There’s something dark inside me and i can’t get it out

violence etc; its obviously still in her adult years

My thoughts ring in your voice now and i can’t make a sound

like i said above. shauna projects her thoughts onto jackie

You loved me holy with your cross and your disease

eating=holy??maybe. cross stands for faith; technically christian faith but it says YOUR cross and its a heart so its their faith into each other. disease bc idk made sense in my mind

Did you feel that close to god when you had me on my knees?

actually not sure abt that one; either its jackie asking: shaunas finally standing her ground, being bigger than jackie, confronting her and jackie is subdued (on her knees)

OR its shauna asking (in the context of the argument) if jackie ever felt that close to god when she idk put shauna under herself?? how do i word this (in shaunas pov) and jackie responding 'what? no'

If you don’t love me now, well then we all go down

if shauna doesnt go outside to get jackie inside then theyll succumb to cannibalism. and jackie dies (which is what happens, bc shauna does not 'love her now'

I’m your sweetest parasite, you fill me up with pesticide

shauna still loves jackie. think thats clear somewhat. (=sweet) jackie basically nests herself in shaunas brain, wont let her go (=parasite). pesticide doesnt refer as much as like. 'go away fuck u parasite' but, U GUESSED IT, the words that jackie says. bc she doestn actually say them (bc shes dead); thats shaunas doing.

bleed me Baby, gemini, hurt me til you feel all right

she bleeds. she loves her. idk what else to do. she does tell her; twist: shauna still is very much not alright

and i won’t, no, i won’t

she wont

You got into my head and now i’ll never be the same

'parasite'; as we see the violent tendencies have carried on into the adult life. also I rlly like her look here I think it rlly captures the essence of what i was trying to say

My trigger finger twitches every time i hear your name

well she does look uneasy

And maybe I won’t, maybe I will

maybe

Run back to you

literally spends the rest of the song running back to her. BUT ITS NOT RLLY HER OMG

you can find the edit here

¹whole cited post

[thatone-highlighter]

tell me something about SU perhaps? Anything u want, I just wanna hear u talk about SU :]

im going to be autistic at you for a little bit now about Amethyst and Steven's relationship

ive tried to write out about 3 different versions of this and i havent gotten one im happy with so were just gonna roll with it okay? okay

one of the big things people talk about in the show is how the gems treat steven. the big two examples being in the episodes following A Single Pale Rose and in especially in Future. but a lot of the things people say are only really applicable to Pearl and Garnet. they dont really know how to deal with steven's issues and they both have a bad habit of falling back into old roles and as the show goes on they both start to more and more default to steven as the leader. but Amethyst, doesnt really do that.

after SPR, in between steven spending whole episodes trying to comfort sapphire and pearl and ruby and bismuth, he has an episode with Amethyst in which she spends the entire episode trying to make him feel better and figure out what he needs. which no one else really stops to do even tho she was his mom.

and now admittedly, i havent watched any of future in a While, but from what i remember Amethyst does try to push harder to get steven to talk and actually Doing things about stuff she notices when compared to Garnet and Pearl

to me, what i think this comes down to is the fact that unlike Amethyst, Garnet and Pearl have never really considered or been considered an equal to Steven. when he was younger and before he developed his power steven was at the bottom of the hierarchy within the crystal gems. and he stays there for a long time. eventually he starts to catch up to amethyst and they a little bit start to see eachother as equals, but not quite. and i think thats what happens in the Steven vs Amethyst arc. theyve both grown comfortable in this not-quite-equals dynamic, or at least Amethyst has, and when she thinks Steven is starting to get better than her, shes scared shes gonna get pushed down to the bottom again. but that doesnt happen, steven pulls her back up and together they decide to be equals on a level playing field. theyre equals and when one of them is suffering the other will pull them up, and when one of them succeeds the other can be proud of them. theyre equals

but theres none of that with pearl and garnet. i guess you could argue that together they have an arc about seeing each other as equals, but not with Steven. at first they see him as this little kid, hes just a little kid hes below them, they need to look after him, teach him. but even once he comes into his own and grows up i dont think they ever really see him as even close to a real equal. they either see him as their kid to look after or even sometimes they start to defer up to him, seeing him as their superior.

you could probably argue that as much as steven has grown uo with the gems, amethyst has grown up with steven too. sure shes a lot older than him and she had already been growing into her own. but to me i think the difference between flashback and even early season 1 amethyst to amethyst by the end of the show, she really grew up With Steven.

anyways yeah. i love amethyst and i love her friendship with steven. i love tiger millionare and tiger philanthropist. i love crack the whip, steven vs amethyst, earthlings, i love on the run, i love no matter what, i love whats your problem, i love smokey quartz and i love that they were the first steven/gem fusion

[elytrafemme]

actually im going 2 rephrase. im not against self diagnosis & im happy if my experiences can help other ppl figure things out & im sure im a hypocrite bc even my BPD thing is like... well u werent given a questionnaire and diagnosed professionally so none of the other stuff that went into this realization both on my and my therapists end matters. so its like im sure ppl think that im faking this too and by God i am scared that IM faking this lol. 

but what i just get. upset by ig is like... i think bc im in the same shoes but like. sometimes u read info abt mental health disorders & the info is online and meant 2 distill the experience down to be easily understood and ppl are like ok! This Applies To Me bc ultimately every disorder at its basis relates to some kind of human experience it just gets amplified thats all the controversy with the dsm5 etc etc

and i know bc i did that! when i was trying to figure out what was wrong w me (and repressing any part of me that thought it was BPD) i looked into disorders and went Oh Shit Thats Me bc i wasnt looking at testimonials or actual diagnostic info or studies yet i was like. well this summarized version (still from a reputable source or primary source. thats important these arent like random ass websites right) makes sense to Me. i did this with bipolar because i knew i had depressive episodes and i kenw i had periodic hypomanic (which i think at this point is below hypomanic but still some sort of psychological manic response, its complicated i can explain if anyone cares etc) so i was like this is probably it! but when i actually figured out ok how does bipolar affect ppls lives how does it manifest across a WIDE sample i was like oh, no. this doesn’t really make sense at all. 

and when u further deconstruct disorders as like... theres so much overlap and sometimes the traits that could be explained by X disorder are better explained by Y disorder bc to an extent these labels are ‘arbitrary’ (not the right word but u get it), you realize like ok. what im worried about IS valid but these arent the explanations. 

this is all to say that i get it and im not upset at ppl for being in different stages of realizing that. 

i think what upsets me is when i try to articulate 2 people like. here’s my experience w/ this right and its like, already so so hard to articulate bc  how do i capture this in a way that doesnt raise alarm but is inherently alarming but without that element of risk it just sounds too abstract? it sounds very much non maladaptive when i try to take out the parts that are really really bad so even trying to explain why i act the way i act is extremely vulnerable. and then bc i cant explain it ppl are like “oh omg i do that too” or they do the far less favored “girl that’s normal” which ppl, actually do say to me.

and i dont like this idea of ‘trauma olympics’ or comparison or whatever but i do think to an extent its important to emphasize that like... a lot of symptoms are really intense versions of what a person may everyday experience heres a BPD related example right. everyone has had times where they are irrationally hating a close friend of theirs. ESPEC if that relationship is already complicated . so whenever i talk about splitting ppl are like no no thats normal or Oh yeah i get it.

but splitting isnt “i have a complex dynamic w a person i have heavy emotional investment with therefore sometimes i really hate them” and splitting isnt “me and my friend have this underlying tension and now i kind of want them dead”. splitting for me is like... i would throw away my entire future for someone bc there is no no way that anything they want could be morally wrong. and then in the next moment i am CONVINCED i have to kill them because they are immoral and deserve to be hunted down because they are manipulative and vile and abusive. and its the same person and this could be an ENTIRE fucking stranger, ive done this with ppl ive known for like. a total of an hour. 

so its not like im trying to tell people like no you dont have BPD no you dont split etc. but its hard to say like. you dont get it. bc that makes people want to duouble down right!

but sometimes ppl dont get it. and it sucks bc i feel like im at a place where i HAVE to explain whats going on with me (tho ive resisted telling some ppl thank God) but whenever i do i regret it bc they very clearly do not get it and they’re trying but they like. make jokes about me being “actually a horrible person” or talk about how i need medication and its like. if you listened you would remember why i cant do that but at this point i dont think u listened i think the words went to your ears and you forgot what they all meant at all. 

[pinkseas]

u kno the drill

IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS AND A LECTURE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OH YM GOD dont blame u tho id probably do the same

“ITS SO NICE that both of them get to teach each other what they lack” what can i say a girl will think of two characters being able to teach things to each other and lose her mind a little bit about it

“wanderer having absolutely No Filters when talking to kid as young as collei but still being sorta courteous to her trauma is so fUCKIGN FUNNY IM NGL AT LEAST USE PROPER WORDS BRO THATS A CHILDKFHSHHF” i am giggling sm at this you have no idea

“i didnt even know youd actually USE the fjsjhfjahf all the things u slid in answering my ask abt xiao albedo contributinf and its sO GREAT ITS SO FUNNY” I DIDNT KNOW I WAS GONNA USE THEM EITHER ADMITTEDLY at first None of those beginning bits were supposed to be there it started when collei walked into the room but. well. i am Weak and Predictable and i thought itd be a little silly to include it just a little bit

“albedo's willingness to help being connected to his own moral strength regarding protecting his family at all costs is Real” as much as i adore him and got the vibe that he Would be willing for many reasons i dont actually know his character very well at all so i am genuinely so glad to hear you of all people say this as an albedo lover it feels like ive done right by the world

“it was so satisfying that she could do it with her own hands no matter how vicious it was” oh to have had collei slice his ribcage open tear the bones out one by one and rip his still-beating heart from his chest.... idk i had a lot of things that didnt feel like they would’ve been as satisfying just bc he wouldve died so quickly bc of it but i do kinda wish id used that as an ending instead. the vines still consume his corpse and she drops the heart and lets it be eaten up until there’s nothing left and she can remember the way it felt to tear it out and hold it and........ man idk. there’s just. something So Personal about her doing it herself about it being with her own two hands about her laying his hands on him so many times even with magic at her disposal i couldnt NOT do it

“idt doijg it a few hours till dawn is Enough BUT AS LONG AS SHES SATISFIED IT IS NOW” NO BC LITERALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY i did also strongly consider her deciding she was done with him and letting scara have a turn to fuck him up but admittedly i kind of just wanted to get it over with and i didnt have enough ideas to really make it as satisfying as i wanted it to be which is so sad

 “the dottorture” HAS ME WHEEZING OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

“he lets collei do all the work do all whats needed to give that payback even tho hes also part of the experiment. his empathy is way less unseen and hes willing to give it all to collei despite himself swearing to the gods he despise that dottore should just Suffer. but if its in the hands of someone else and he could see it all thats just as much satisfaction when he gets to see collei finding solace at such young age” yeah <3333333333333 as much as he’d Love to kill dottore over and over and over again i think seeing him suffer at the hands of another person he fucked up so badly is enough. not ideal, not what he wouldve first thought of or really wanted, but enough. especially given that its someone he at least somewhat cares about who’ll be able to find a lot more peace in the act than scara probably would have. idk. i feel like if dottore’s other selves hadn’t been erased and scaramouche had hunted them down and tortured and killed them one by one in all kinds of different ways until every last one of them was gone it just. still wouldnt be enough. nothing would truly be enough to make him pay. but for collei, this is enough, this is more than enough, seeing him dead is enough, and if only one of them can find true satisfaction and peace with his passing regardless of how it happens he might as well give it to her.

im also glad that the hug didnt feel too out of place LMAO i feel like i was kind of pushing it there but w/e that whole thing was me pushing it why not go a little further

[bleep-bloop-boo]

hi honey...sorry to bother you...but i saw that some other ppl are asking for advice so i hope you don't mind me dropping this here...(feel free to ignore if u don't want to respond)

but uh i feel like i have audhd, or at least some flavor of executive dysfunction, but my parents don't really seem to understand that. like even the noise of someone chewing makes me angry, or that i have to do this a certain way, or that my brain and my body just doesn't work like my parents' do. i know fidget and stim a lot, and i am reaaally bad at procrastination. er not procrastinating. even simple tasks like getting ready for bed or showering (there's so many steps why are there so many things) or even other things that would literally take 5 minutes. like making a mountain out of a molehill or however it goes. i just relate to a lot a lot of the symptoms and experiences that other audhders have, but i don't know for sure if i have audhd.

idk i just don't know how to tell my parents that i think I have audhd and that i want to get it tested or smth i don't rly know what the process is...

anyway sorry for long ask T.T

hi!! okay, first of all, hfjkddifuhghjdkd thank you for asking me <33 (sorry i responded so late, i havent been online a lot 😭) and you're never a bother and i love the long ask <33

and i totally get where you're coming from! of course this wont work for every parent butttt, you can try this 1. don't mention any specific names, words like disability or autism or even adhd make parents nervous and dont mention internet research yet 2. slowly start describing different symptoms to them just like, work it into the conversation and pretend its relatable like for executive dysfunction "ugghhhh, i wish i could stop being lazy" "i also wish you'd stop being lazy" "its just harddd, like i want to get up but i cant. you know the feeling? like i know i have so much work to do and a lot i need to get done and i really want to start it but like my brain isn't letting me...." *wait a sec* "OH! like you know how when you want to do something dangerous? like when trying to bite your finger off like a carrot cuz you read it in a childrens book and wanted to try it but you couldn't because your brain stops you from hurting yourself? (or use the example of touching something hot) THATS THE FEELING IM TALKING ABOUT!" 3. then after you introduce a lot of the symptoms as 'quirks' you have to the point where they start calling you out on it and recognizing that you are struggling you can move on 4. start talking off-handedly about adhd/autism just casually "oh! you know how i always forget things no matter how much i try to remember them and then end up feeling really guilty i forget?? my friend with adhd does the same thing! dude, literally none of my other friends understood what i meant when i was talking about how frustrating it is to forget everything and like yk like how you start to distrust yourselff, its so cool MAKEUPANAMEFORADHDFRIEND gets itt" from this, you can gauge how supportive your parents are of the idea and start warming them up to it 5. now, some parents might start to search up adhd or autism and begin to realize that the traits you showed in step 2 are actually symptoms if nottt, start showing em videos of people describing adhd/autism and say your friends sent it to you (my friends actually do this. all the time- )

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/7_9VWxnRns8 this persons videos are some of my favorties <33 and show them saying smth like "omg, look, this person is just like meee" 6. after a while of showing them videos like that, start mentioning things like "lolol, my friends keep teasing me saying i have autism/adhd" mention this a couple times when youre using your phone so it seems like they're just texting you about it (i would mention adhd sometimes and autism others like "yk how NAME says i have adhd? well theyre fighting with NAME2 cuz NAME2 thinks i have autism lolol")

7. if they still dont connect the dots, then mention it to them casually and worst comes to worst, blame it on your friends "huh, yk whats funny? all these videos my friends said me are like surprisingly relatable... maybe im adhd lolol" or "broski, my friends are so certain that i have autism, they keep bugging me to get a diagnosis to prove theyre right! can we get one just so they stop??" of course, the best way would be to talk to them and be vulnerable and just be straight about how hard it is for you (and crying will prolly help lol) and ask them if you can please get a diagnosis because you just want to know if theres something to help you if thats not possible, try my list (tho it does take a while... like quite a few months) and let me know how it goes!! and the most important part, remember that you are doing a great job :)) autism and adhd and nuerodivergency can be so hard to deal with and the fact you're trying to get help is good <33 your struggles are so valid, and its not your fault in the slightest. i am so, so, so proud of you for everything you did :)) remember than hon GOOD LUCK BESTIEEE <33333

[gratuiciel]

(to the tune of running up that hill) you wanna hear about the fics im writing

u dont have to btw, especially if u dont know the fandoms im talking about (dq11 and tokrev) bc this will mostly sound like a bunch of nonsense if u dont

content warning for whump writing and descriptions of violence/injuries/captivity

first one is gonna be jasper//hendrik in a setting where the luminary doesnt show up on time at the last bastion and so hendrik has to surrender himself to save the people living there (bc he Knows they'll keep fighting if he asks them, and he Knows the whole siege is kind of his fault since jasper is doing this specifically to prove his military superiority over him). definitely gonna be whump in there. jasper keeps him captive in his sky fortress (hendrik cant exactly fly away) and mostly fucks with his mind, but then mordegon decides thats not fun enough and takes matters into his own hands (jasper eventually defects to the luminary while hendrik gets turned into a monster. role reversal babey!)

second one is a gen fic in which hendrik manages to go back to the past (eleven passed on his power during the final battle bc he was too injured to heal), so he's like okay ive got this im gonna fix everything also im literally proficient in both combat and magic thanks to the luminary's power so there is nothing i cant do... except that when he has to choose the moment where he wants to return he kind of panics bc there are so many things to fix, and the confusion as he formulates his wish causes him to return just a few weeks before the events of the game, except he's 6 now and he can't lift a sword anymore. get detective conan'd, idiot. (this is mostly bc adult hendrik with luminary powers would be op as fuck and therefore i had to nerf him and also force him to ask for help for once. he knows everything but cant say anything and he'll need to rely on others to save the world) the fic will then follow the canon story order but things will happen in a different way due to hendrik's interference

third one's premise is: chifuyu gets visions of the future instead of takemichi, and when he sees baji's future he jumps to take the hit in his place. when he wakes up in the hospital, he learns that baji took the blame for the stabbing (he's in jail now) and that his new hospital roommate (once his condition has stabilized) is none other than kazutora (he's been punched in the face a whole lot and got broken bones too). they cant get along at all and takemichi is tasked with watching over them (kazutora is in his division now). once kazutora has healed somewhat, he'll try to get revenge on kisaki and hanma for pushing him to stab baji. at this point he's just obsessed with vengeance and doesnt care abt his own personal safety and chifuyu gets visions of him getting into big big trouble and so he has to get him out of it each time. they grow to trust each other eventually. there is also this takemichi//kisaki subplot which i am cooking up, where kazutora sends dudes to fuck up kisaki while he himself is fighting hanma, and takemichi is the one to rescue (sort of) kisaki (he gets his ass kicked lol but him taking half the hits essentially means kisaki doesnt get beaten to death). then takemichi carries kisaki home to tend to his wounds and then the dude gets a fever and takemichi gets to learn somewhat abt his past and why he is like this. main appeal of the kisa//take subplot is that at some point takemichi will have to go to the future for information and find out that kisaki didnt kill hina bc he didnt propose to her bc now he's in love with him?? for some reason?? it's honestly so funny to me. also i just wanna flesh out kisaki as a villain and find out what couldve shaped his world view (needless to say his family life is Fucked up) anyway this will probably also follow the canon timeline except now kazutora is here to fuck shit up and takemichi is trying to understand kisaki (with mixed results), which will drastically change how things go i think (no idea how this will end yet. i havent even figured out how to make chifuyu and kazutora get injured enough to share a hospital room for some time but not too injured that they can make it to the christmas fight (theyll probably still be recovering by that time... possibility of additional angst by having surgery scars reopen and all))

[thesleepystoryteller]

Chapter 9 "the build up"

"Uhhhh my head, (blinks twice) HUH?? where am I?," so you're finally awake. "(Looks over)" I had to remove the problem at the source before u tried to hurt him, "what are u talking about and who are u? And where am???". None of that matters I ask the questions here not you, "what stopping me from yelling for help, u kidnapped me!! And I don't know what I did to you but kidnapping is extreme and you're just crazy". Shut up (puts gun to her head) this..this right here is what's keeping you quiet, didn't you hear me the first time? I ask the question, I do the talking, you say quiet and reply when I want my answer, do u understand me? "(Nods head) Mhm". First question, who are u to Augustine? "Who?". Augustine, the boy you're always around at school, him.. "first thats not his name and second, answer me this who are you to him". I'm the one who's been there all his life, I'm the one who's been protecting him all this time, and what do u mean that's not his name? answer before I become inpatient and kill u here and now. "So...ur Kal". How do you know me?? "Augustine as you call him talks about you all the time, I'm glad to.meet you finally but not like this". He..tells you about me?? You're not trying to steal him from me?? "EW WHAT?? NO IM NOT THATS DISGUSTING". Enough of this back and forth tell me who you are or I'll kill you, you have five seconds. "Ok ok ok, I'll tell you...my name is Elizabeth Rodriguez, and Augustine is my little brother". (Eyes widen) w-what?? Huh?? No no no NO, HIS FAMILY IS DEAD THERES NO WAY DONT FUCKING LIE TO ME. "our parents are dead but I survived and was in a coma for years, it took a long time but I finally found my brother and I wanted to spend all the time I had lost with him to make it up to him". (Starts shaking) n-no i-i, it can't be, no no no no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! "KAL CALM DOWN". SHUT UP I'LL KILL YOU RIGHT NOW, "KAL DON'T YOU SAID YOU WANT TO PROTECT HIM RIGHT??? IF YOU KILL ME YOU'LL ONLY HURT HIM". I-i, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, (points the gun at her). DIE!...... silence fills the basement, why? Bc not a sound was made, no gun shot, no yells or screams, not even a word was said, the only thing prominent was the shocked faces of Kal and Elizabeth as from behind Sun was hugging me. (Sun) Please stop this Kal, I don't want you to hurt her so please calm down and put the gun away. (Kal) I-i...ok. (Sun) thank you (let's me go) (Kal) but just tell me one thing...why did you lie to me? (Sun) What are you talking about? (Kal) You said your whole family died in the fire that night, you said no one survived and yet you're sister is sitting right there, clearly alive, so why did you lie? (Sun) I never lied, and don't say I lied to you, I had no idea my sister survived or was alive, I had thought the same as you that night. (Kal) So why didn't you tell me she was your sister instead of not telling me, leading up to this. (Sun) I just wanted some time with my sister Kal! She was alive! And I never knew about it. (Kal) That's an excuse, you still could have told me, I mean I wouldn't have done this if I knew she was your sister. (Sun) You know what, you're right I should have but why would you even do this? (Kal) I was trying to protect you, I thought she was gonna harm you or take you away from me. (Sun) Kal I told you time and time again, I'm not some little kid anymore, I can protect myself and I don't need your protection all the time. (Kal) Yes you do, your too soft on people and they can use that to take advantage of you! I'm keeping you safe sun!! What part of that do you not understand?! (Sun) Don't rise your voice at me!! And again I don't need your protection all the time and stop saying that she would 'take me away from you', Shes the only family I got left, what would you even know about family!??! (Kal) A LOT!! (Sun) HOW WHEN YOU DONT EVEN HAVE ONE, I REMEMBER WHAT THEY DID, YOU HAVE NO FAMILY TO SPEAK OF..............Kal....I

To be continued.

[bootymcbuttbutt]

BROOOOOOO

I can’t talk on Twitter because the dude I’m speaking on follows me. Now do I think he will see it between all the porn on his Twitter feed? YES BECAUSE THATS HOW TWITTER WOULD DO ME

So anyway there is this dude who I’ve had a crush on and he likes me too. We’re both very mutual in the feeling and I do believe him. HOWEVER!!!

EVERYTIME I TRY TO TALK TO HIM MORE CONSISTENTLY HE VERY OBVIOUSLY FIZZLES ON ME. IVE EVEN SAID TO HIM I ONLY EXIST AS A CONCEPT TO HIM.

But here is the thing. He SHOULDT EVEN BE WORTH THE EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT. WHY!?

HES A MESSSSSSSS. A functioning alcoholic. A man with a roster. Like!? He was talking about this girl he knows who apparently is catching feelings and is like I wanna move near you. And we were supposed to talk on Thursday…..BUT WHAT DID HE DO INSTEAD!?!?

WENT TO GO TO ❄️ ❄️❄️❄️ WITH THAT GIRL AND GHOSTED ME FOR TWO DAYS. You’d think that would be enough for me to be like fuck this but he’s so funny, rizz is so loud. It’s honestly an addictive personality to me.

Now here is the thing. I refuse to chase and when I notice he’s fading im like….ok gotta go. BUT I MISS HIM AND IM SO MAD THAT I DO!!!! HE LITERALLY DOES NOT DESERVE MY EMOTIONAL ENERGY!!!!!

Good thing is I am very good at not giving in. But I am so tired because this always happens but this time I’m just so disappointed and sad. Because I thought he would be growing and doing better but no. He’s a 36 year old man, doing casual coookkkeeee and I know he’s sad and lonely and I’m like….untill he figures it out he’s going to just be that way. I love his potential. But the reality is it’s not real to him. None of it is. And none of it matters.

So why am I drowning in the feeling of it and having a hard time letting go? Too much history between us. Too much tension. But I will get over it, and my life will continue to be good, while he tries to find his next rush in someone or something. And yeah I don’t need that.

OH ONE MORE THING! I keep thinking about how he said “I’ve never had a girl who didn’t put up with my shit” and when I talk to him and give him real truth! Real love! Such as……don’t do ❄️. Apparently I hurt his feelings.

I don’t know what to tell u bro. yeah. I’m just going to enjoy any fun time we have but that is not and will never be my man. OK IM DONE BYE VOID