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#Not saying you can't find friendship to lovers on dating apps it's just what I'm feeling
inkskinned · 11 months
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being single in your late 20s & 30s is so fucking wild bc on one hand it's fun and flirty and you skip a lot of the bullshit because you know what you're looking for and you know how to spot a red flag from a mile away and you've learned to set boundaries and communicate your own and be upfront about your needs and most of the time they've learned it too - and if they haven't, you can tell after the second date that they haven't been to therapy
and every time you feel lonely and dried up and an ugly husk there's a whole community of other single people out there who are just as unhinged and want to hang out with you because they just need a plus-one like you do and you get introduced to like. people in their 60's and 70's and 80's who are all like - nope, single life is my choice and i love it and you feel warm and seen and like okay, it's not the end of the world if i'm not seeing anybody. and yeah it's hard and sometimes exhausting but part of getting better is that you do make like so many friends and do so much wild shit because you made a promise to yourself that you'll actually get out there and try shit and actually work on your hobbies and skills and friendships because to be honest in relationships you wouldn't push yourself this hard and it's actually been super rewarding because it came from you and from what you wanted
and yes of course the apps such and dating in general can suck but after one of the bad dates you go back to your apartment and call up those friends you made and make jokes about what the other person said and it rolls right off your back and you have plans for self-care in the morning. you prioritize yourself and your happiness and you really actually don't mind it, a lot of the time, unless it's like at a wedding and they're doing one of those couples-related things. most of the time it's not even a problem except when you can tell people pity you for it and you're like - i'm actually fine, babe, even without a partner i am still, like a person and yes of course it would be nice to have a partner but you have established yourself as a person and as an adult in a way that feels really hard-won and well-earned and you're protective of that and of the life you're living and honestly you're pretty happy, all things considered
and at the same time you do have to tell your father that you are single on purpose right now and that, yes, believe it or not, they're letting women be single past the age of 30 these days without burning us at the stake (can you imagine!) and you have to kind of sit pretty while people make jokes about how you're losing your marriageability and you're like, a little too old for the bars and the clubs and whatever but you do still want to go out dancing and it's like. the other day you went to a board game party and had the time of your life and then your mom calls you and says she's worried because what if you never find the one, shouldn't you be spending more time looking? and you're like - trying to balance this place where you're actually, like, perfectly okay? except you hear this thing over and over and over - oh no. that's so sad. i hope you find your lover. and you weren't really upset about it until someone suggested that you're running out of time and until someone said that it's so miserable that you live without someone to kiss and you're like why can't anyone believe that i'm genuinely happy. like. joy. like. bliss.
and then they look at you and they look at their partner and the look passes between them that says - poor thing. you're just lying to yourself about this.
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ina-nis · 1 year
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Hello! I saw your post about dating/relationships and if I may offer my unsolicited feedback — I get your reluctance to use dating apps/sites and your desire to have a relationship born from friendship. But to me, using a dating site to find a partner seems like a good idea cause it’s intentional. You’re more likely to find someone who’s ready and actively looking for a relationship. That’s just my take! I have AVPD and SZPD so I know it’s difficult af. Anyway, I know you didn’t ask for advice. Take care!
Thank you so much!
One of the issue I had about these apps is how they heighten my sense of worthlessness and feelings of being objectified. It doesn't matter if I tell myself I'm worthy and a whole person if I'm going to put myself under a trigger anyway, it doesn't work like that. This feels much like a competition and I greatly dislike competing with anyone about anything.
I started changing how I view these things when I realized that the "normal" methods of meeting people never really worked for me so... this might be something that can work if I managed to get around the issues.
But it is true. I am looking for a romantic relationship and it feels like, as long as this connection is not being met, it will affect all other connections I've been trying to form.
I can't go the "lovers to friends" route because I'm on the asexual spectrum and I don't really want hook ups or casual relationships. And apparently going the "friends to lovers" route is killing my friendships so I'm really at a loss about what to do. I want my partner to be my best friend, and my best friend to be my partner.
I will probably try 1 or 2 of these apps somewhere this year and see how that will go...
And no worries about unsolicited advice, I do that a lot myself and I don't really mind hearing other people's inputs. I'm thankful when they have something to say, and it helps me seeing something about my situation that I don't see (because I can't get out of my head), so thank you again, I really appreciate it.
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Making it Work Q0 Long Distance Relationship Tips from the Experts
Here's what open and honest communication in a relationship looks like. I'm open to friendship, lovers, and partners. When you know what you want and can define it, it'll be that much easier for you to eliminate people who are bound to leave you disappointed and dissatisfied. Even if you don't want a proper lady, per se, there's a kind of woman that is just right for you. Ready to find out the kind of woman that is right for you? Unlike your friends, they don’t offer their opinion or ‘advice’, they just listen and ask the right questions so that you can find your own answers and ways forward. That's what this quiz is all about We're going to ask you some probing questions that will help clarify what's really important to you and what you can certainly do without. Always. She can't help it. Not really. She prefers to help others shine. Part of the reason why Sophia mentioned she was a fan of the apps, however, was not necessarily because she thought they were the best way to meet people - but rather that the apps’ intended goal is to bring people together.
Unless you're looking for a quick fling, you can discard some people and hone in on the ones that are likely to make you happy. According to Knapp, you'll take various steps to either climb towards (coming together) or descend from (coming apart) a romantic relationship in your life, and both of these directions are full of their own challenges. Ultimately, this may result in not enough contact to sustain the relationship. שיחות סקס Approach the relationship with your ex as a business partnership where your “business” is your children's well-being. “Sometimes, anxiety symptoms within a partnership can be triggered from some past traumas in relationships, such as cheating, or the divorce of parents, or anything else that impacted your partner in some way. Informational interviews can be fairly easy to set up, and they can really tell you a lot about the company without the pressure of impressing someone for a job. Freddie feels under pressure from Stuart to land a major new acting role. Investigators fret about West Africa's terrorism links - northern Nigeria is home to the notorious insurgent group Boko Haram - and its role in international drug trafficking.
However, there are some things that you might need in your man before you even realize that you need them. If isochrons of negative slope (which must be mixing lines) were reasonably common, then we might suspect mixing to be an explanation for a significant fraction of all apparently valid "old" isochrons as well. No, and I might. Despite her objections, in addition to getting a car for graduation, Jim also gives his daughter the only thing her mother ever gave him that he kept -- a ring. ”, and “Are there other ways of getting into the celebration, apart from these two? The right lady for you is out there. The old lady must be worth the attention. I think it's endearing if she pays more attention to the dog's appearance than her own. Is she adventurous and passionate, or is she more kind-hearted and altruistic? She's more of the perfect hostess. Fine, as long as she doesn't boss me around. Fine, if it doesn't get in her free-spirited way. The way you form a sentence says a lot about your background and education. Very. She likes romance the old-fashioned way. Be wary of anyone claiming to be a deployed soldier - The US Department of Defense has warned about romance scams in which online predators claim to be deployed active-duty soldiers.
The Chronically Metropolitan actress brought G-Eazy as her date to her sister Shaylene Benson’s intimate wedding the following month. What's your idea of a fun date? She takes care of herself and tends to look great. She tends to wait for my call. Valentine's Day is a beautiful reminder to show those dear to our heart that we love and care for them. She doesn't show off. I want someone fit and healthy for sure! While you may want a mixture of many of these attributes, the degree of your leanings is indicative of the style, personality and general appeal of the woman you're seeking. I dig that in a woman! Leave used stuffed animals in the freezer overnight to kill dust mites and then wash with lots of detergent in your washer's gentle cycle. Too much sun can kill it. How much does that affect you? In Malebranche's occasionalism, he viewed thoughts as a wish for the body to move, which was then fulfilled by God causing the body to act. Then let's get started! He/she is just trying to get into my pants.
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telemarcs · 2 years
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Someone said it
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lady-snavely · 3 years
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Sands of Time: Part Four
Put Your Foot in Your Mouth
Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuro x Fem!OC
Warnings: mentions of death, swearing, mutual pining, all the fluff
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Two days later Jade had a note taped to her work locker. Kiyoko had called and asked that Jade please please please call her as soon as she was in. Concern etched across her face, Jade hurried out to her coworker. "Margaret, do you know if Kiyoko said anything in regards to what she needed?"
"Something about the study group tonight I assume. I didn't take the call, Denise did." The older woman replied without turning from her monitor. "Can you run to the supply room and grab more paper for the printers?"
"Yeah, sure thing." With a small shake of her head Jade took the portable and called Kiyoko as she began her shift.
"Shimizu." The answer was swift, to the point and professional.
"Kiyoko, this is Jade from the library. I had a message that you needed to speak with me. Is everything okay?"
“Yes, everything is good, thank you for calling me back so quickly."
Jade listened as she picked through the supply room carefully. For as organized as the shelves on the floor were the supply room drove her a bit crazy with as haphazardly things were quite literally just tossed inside. One of these days, she vowed, she would get the room organized.
"All ten of you?" Jade paused her search as she thought. Did they have anything else going on this evening? No, no group readings or reservations in the meeting rooms. No other study groups, it was Friday after all, most other students would be going home for the weekend or going out to parties. Finally, Jade nodded into the receiver. "That won't be a problem, Kiyoko. I'll prepare a meeting room for you as well so you can all work in peace and at the same table. How does that sound?"
"You're sure? We all aren't out of classes at the same time so some will be trickling in later than others."
"Don't worry about it," Jade reassured. "I'll take care of everything."
True to her word, when the first wave of students arrived a handful of hours later, Jade escorted them to the room she'd prepared. Inside she had an assortment of drinks and snacks as well as extra pens and notepads ready for them. Kiyoko had mentioned a longer session tonight, so why not? There were even a few books scattered around the table.
Kiyoko gave her a grateful smile but said nothing as she circled the table, glancing at the available titles as she went. After the third book she turned a frown towards the group still by the door.
"Midterms are around the corner so I pulled some of the more fact dense and helpful material for your respective fields of study," Jade explained when she saw the look.
"You remember each of our programs?" Iwaizumi cocked an inquisitive brow at her.
"Now, now, Iwa-chan," Oikawa scolded lightly. He even went so far as to pat Jade on the head like a dog who performed a trick correctly. "Be nice to the girl."
"I am nice," Iwaizumi snapped. The two bickered like an old married couple on occasion but deep down everyone, Jade included, could see that they cared greatly for each other.
"It makes sense if you think about it," Yaku said as he settled himself into a chair. "We've been coming here regularly for a year. Clearly Jade was being observant and thoughtful."
Iwaizumi grumbled incoherently but nodded his thanks to Jade as Oikawa dragged him through the room.
"Thank you for the kind words Yaku. You know where to find me if you need anything at all." Jade was quick to duck out of the room before anything else could be said.
Over the course of the next hour and a half most of the remaining students showed up and were guided back to the meeting room. Each was just as surprised as the last by the books already in the room. Each thanked Jade profusely for her thoughtfulness.
She was just coming back from showing Akaashi and Bokuto the room and awkwardly accepting their thanks when Kuroo and Kenma entered the library.
"You're actually going to study with us, right?" Kuroo wondered with a glance at his friend.
"I guess," Kenma replied, though his tone held no commitment. "I feel pretty confident about my grades though."
"And yet you're here," Kuroo smirked. "Why won't you admit that you like hanging out with everyone?"
"Because I don't."
"Do too."
"Do not."
"Please, not again," Jade stopped the friendly banter before it could go any further. Nonetheless she smiled and beckoned them to follow when the boys turned their attention on her. "Come on, everyone else is already here."
"It's not Monday, is it?" Kuroo asked without moving. A frown soured his face.
"No," Jade dragged the word out in mild confusion. "It's definitely Friday and I would appreciate you not try to make the week longer than it already needs to be. Hello Kenma."
"Hey." He didn't even look up from his phone, but Jade had expected that. She watched him for a moment with a small smile before looking up at Kuroo again.
"Why would you think it's Monday anyway?"
"You always dress up on Monday's," he replied with a shrug. "Got a hot date tonight or something?"
Jade was not amused. "Would it matter if I did?"
Kuroo frowned. "Don't be like that, we know each other well enough, wouldn't you say?"
"Not at all," Jade replied a bit too quickly.
"Enlighten me," Kuroo suggested, "why'd you dress up?"
"It's not like I'm even all that dressed up." Jade glanced down at herself in an outfit that wasn't simply jeans and a blouse like usual.
Kuroo continued to frown down at her. After a moment of silence she huffed and rolled her eyes. "Listen, I need to restock returns," Jade gestured over her shoulder, "the others are in the first meeting room down that way."
"You're an idiot," Kenma said after Jade had left them.
"Hey, I noticed she was dressed differently from usual, didn't I?" Why was he getting defensive?
"You could've just complimented her outfit then. Or even asked her if it was a special occasion instead of assuming she only dressed up because she had a date."
"I bet she does have a date."
"That's – you're an idiot." Kenma repeated. He lightened the insult by smiling faintly as his friend.
"Am not," Kuroo huffed, pretending to be more offended than he truly was. He even went so far as to cross his arms and turn his head away.
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are you two going to join us sometime today?" Having poked his head out of the room at the sound of their voices it was Akaashi who saved Kuroo and Kenma from each other. Just as Oikawa and Iwaizumi had their senseless bickering so did Kuroo and Kenma. Both stemming from decades of friendship and an understanding of one another that only those sort of friendships came with.
She restocked books with an angry sort of gusto that befitted her mood. How dare he assume she only dressed up today because she had a date! Maybe she decided to doll herself up for fun or, you know, just for shits and giggles. And damn him for being right too! Jade's first date in far too long and, if she were being honest with herself, she only got the date because Nyra annoyingly set up a profile on some stupid dating app without her knowledge.
Regardless of her annoyance with Nyra and now with Kuroo, Jade was both excited and incredibly nervous about tonight. A well and true blind date that she'd only been told about this morning and details were still coming in by the hour from her sister. What if the guy was a total weirdo or a creep? What if he wasn't a Tree Nymph, but really one of the dark Fae that her father had warned her from a young age to stay away from? Tonight would go one of two ways; either very well and Jade would agree to a second date or utterly disastrous. Should the latter come to fruition, Jade had already decided that her parents would lose a child.
Jade wasn't asking for Prince Charming. No, she didn't want Mr. Perfect. She didn't even want a knight in shining armor. She didn't need saving. She could slay any of her demons on her own. What she wanted was a partner in crime. She wanted insecurities and flaws. She yearned for intellectual conversations and challenges and a fan of books. An animal lover, not just cats and dogs, but all animals. She hoped for someone who would go for a walk in the rain with her and who held her when she cried over a book at two in the morning. She wanted Tetsuro.
"Are you even listening to me?"
"Oh, Margaret, I'm sorry," Jade shook away her thoughts to focus her attention on her coworker. "I was daydreaming again."
"Do that on your own time." Margaret's tone held no amusement. "It's six now, so I'll be going home. You can handle the last couple of hours on your own, can't you?"
"Of course." Jade fought the urge to roll her eyes and only just held back the animosity in her voice. She'd been working with Margaret for over a year now and closed rather frequently on her own. More often than any of her other coworkers but that was by choice. So naturally she could handle the end of the day customers that came through. "Have a good weekend, Margaret."
Margaret left without another word, something she typically did. In her old age, Margaret didn't see the point in replying to send offs. They get drawn out and tiresome, she'd explained to Jade once. And thought it hadn't sat right with Jade who was she to say otherwise to someone so set in their ways?
Another hour passed and Jade had topped off all the printers of paper, she'd checked in and restocked books as they came through and even helped the mother of an eager pre teen find a handful of books to begin his journey into the world of familiars and dragons and spells. She read a bit, eager herself to begin yet another book. It was her third that week.
There was still two hours before closing and Jade hadn't heard or seen anyone from the study group since storming away from Kuroo and Kenma. Hesitating only a moment she knocked on the door frame alerting them all to her presence. "Just checking in to see if I can help with anything," she explained when all eyes turned on her. "I can take away any books or grab new ones?"
"We'll take care of putting everything away," Sugawara gave her a simple smile.
"You look lovely by the way, Jade." Oikawa leaned back in his chair, dangerously close to toppling over, in order to make eye contact with her. "That color really brings out your eyes."
"Oh, thank you, Oikawa. Anyway, it's been pretty dead here tonight so you guys don't have to be so quiet that even a Brownie would be jealous of you. Folklore says they perform chores for Humans at night in exchange for staying at the home." Jade explained when she was met with confused looks. "Right, so, Bokuto, you can resume your usual antics."
"No! No. Absolutely not. Bokuto, don't you dare." Jade took Akaashi's uncharacteristically loud response as her opportunity to go back to the check out desk.
Oikawa didn't let her get away that easily though. Leaning against the counter he propped his chin in his hand. "Spill, what's his name? Where are you going? How did you meet?"
"This is the first time I'll be meeting him," Jade admitted with a sigh. She fell back into her chair, seemingly exhausted.
"Oh, a blind date," Oikawa sang. "How mysterious. Who set you two up?"
"It's only a blind date for one of us. Nyra, my sister, decided I've been single for too long and set up a profile for me on one of those dating apps."
"That's awful kind of her to help you get your feet back in the water."
"Is it though? I don't even know what she wrote in the about me section so how do I know this guy she agreed for me to meet is even there for anything more than just looks. It's shallow."
"Well, I think you're stunning and anyone who says otherwise is a liar."
"Thank you, but your word is far from gospel, Oikawa," Jade snorted a laugh. "And I don't think your boyfriend will appreciate you complimenting me so openly. He may get the wrong idea."
"Don't worry about Iwa-chan." A dismissive wave of his hand and a wink her way easily turned Jade's scowl into a half smile. "There it is. I'm sure if this mystery man gets to know you tonight he'll see just how wonderful you are."
Jade was used to Oikawa's flirting. She knew it meant nothing but even on his best days he never went this far. With one eyebrow raised in question she cocked her head to the side. "What do you want?"
"Told you she would catch on!" Yaku cackled from the hall.
"Yeah, you aren't that sweet!" Iwaizumi added.
"So mean, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa whined his mantra but regained his composure quickly. He flashed a smile at Jade filling her with dread before his request was even heard. "Would you be a dear and order us some bento boxes? We'll pay of course."
"You know we don't allow food in the library."
"Please Jade."
Oikawa sounded like a child begging to stay up past his bedtime. Jade's scowl returned as she stood, making it back into the meeting room before her chair stopped spinning. "Did you draw straws or just send him because you know his whining irritates me?" She asked no one in particular.
"Yes," Kuroo nodded with a mischievous grin.
"That's not a proper response to her question," Kiyoko remarked. "I did try to dissuade this, Jade but I was overruled. I apologize."
It's not that she didn't want to not break the rules. She herself ate in the library all of the time. But they didn't need to know that. Still, they had been here for a good long while now. "You'll eat with the door closed and put the studying away, you all need a break by now anyway and you'll wash your hands afterwards." Vigorous nods answered her stipulations. "I know one of the guys at the shop nearby, let me call him up real quick. Put your requests together and I'll order for you."
"I knew you'd come around!" Oikawa hugged Jade quickly before returning to his seat.
"I'm sure you did," Jade grumbled. Sometimes she was such a pushover.
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