#OSAMU DAZAI FROM THE HIT ANIME BSD ???

[3rdsleeper]

that fateful day when dazai survived the bullet to the head and gojo got bisected and went to the airport in the sky… crazy couple hours

[zenitsustherapist]

having the perfect name for one oc be " osamu " is my 13th reason

[ruified]

i just finished reading osamu dazai and the dark era and now my eyes are stinging with the feeling of tears attempting to crawl their way out from behind them, and they may just succeed in that endeavor so let’s see how much i can type out with tears in my eyes

i miss my wife (oda bsd)

Somebody probably should've tied him up, pried his chest open, and stuffed a vacuum cleaner inside. Then, as he screamed and cried until they needed to punch him to shut him up, they'd suck every last bit out of his chest and stamp it into the ground.

But in reality, such a vacuum didn't exist. Chests don't open up like that, and no one is capable of such feats. What we see is every-thing, and everything we see, we ignore. All we can do is stand before the deep ditch between us and others and keep silent.

the way oda talks about dazai is consistently heart wrenching, he knows that despite all of dazai’s maturity, because he was forced to grow so fast, he’s still a child

just a child protecting his fragile little heart the way an adult would, simply replicating what he’d seen others do and what he’d been taught and expanding upon it

That was when Dazai first realized: Sakunosuke Oda understood him much more than he'd ever imagined-right up to his very heart, almost to the center of his mind. Dazai didn't realize until then that someone had known him so well.

it’s as if oda never realized that he knew dazai better than anyone, that he’d successfully reached out and touched the child protecting his heart

oda mentioned regretting not getting closer to dazai

The reason why Ango and I were able to be by his side was that we understood the solitude that surrounded him, and we never stepped inside it no matter how close we stood.

But in that moment, I kind of regretted not stepping in and invading that solitude.

but in his final moments, that child in dazai reached out and asked for guidance, asked for oda to take his hand and point him in the next direction he believed was right because he trusted him

dazai thought so highly of oda because oda was always rather up front about everything, his feelings, what he was thinking, all of that. not once did oda try to use dazai, we find dazai sort of realizing this in the day i picked up dazai (which i read online not too long ago), and that’s what makes dazai like oda so much

they’re so important to me guys btw

With trembling fingers, Odasaku reached for the cigarettes in his pocket before sluggishly placing one in his mouth. By the time he pulled out a match, his fingers were too weak to hold it anymore. Dazai took the match and lit the cigarette for him.

Then Odasaku closed his eyes, smoking the cigarette as he smiled, filled to the brim with satisfaction.

The cigarette fell to the ground.

Dropping onto his knees by Odasaku's side, Dazai looked up to the ceiling and closed his eyes. His tightly shut lips faintly trembled. The smoke from the cigarette rose straight up to the top.

Nobody said a word.

READING THIS SHIT HITS HARDER THAN WATCHING IT THE ANIME FR DOES NOT CARRY THAT SAME IMPACT

something else they never included in the anime was THIS?????

In the middle of a verdant mountain trail atop a hill overlooking Yokohama was a cemetery with a view of the ocean. There were many new graves lined up-among them a small white burial marker without a name.

Dazai stood before the burial marker, dressed in black mourning clothes and holding a bouquet of white flowers.

"…….”

He squinted as the strong sea breeze suddenly gusted past.

The white flowers fluttered in the wind.

"I'll leave this photo here."

He took out a picture and placed it before the burial marker.

Frozen in time were the smiles of those three men.

"I really wish you could've tried that hard tofu I made..."

Dazai closed his eyes, then stood absolutely still, rooted to the spot.

GOD I FEEL ILL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DAZAI OSAMU

Dazai didn't say a word. That was just about the first time he'd ever been unable to articulate his feelings.

"I..."

this is like one of the first, if not the only time, we get a glimpse into what dazai is thinking and it’s honestly so important that we did it this moment

the anime doesn’t convey it as well just how emotionally driven dazai is in this moment, like, yes you can tell, but his struggle between what he knew was logically correct and what he felt is so important to know about

it also makes this part that he said to ango really ironic

"I always lose the things I don't want to lose the most. That's why I don't feel anything anymore. The moment you get your hands on something worth going after, you lose it."

"When I first saw him over in the slums, I was horrified. His talents are extraordinary, and his skill is extremely destructive. Plus, he's stubborn. If I'd left him to his own devices, he would've ended up a slave to his own powers until he destroyed himself."

Dazai didn't freely make people work under him, period; much less a boy on the verge of starvation in the slums. But Dazai seemed to have his own reasons for doing it.

the way dazai talks about akutagawa here is so interesting and you really gotta take it at face value because he has no reason to lie to oda, especially not about this

here’s dazai being oda’s number one fan

"Sakunosuke Oda... I know that guy," the subordinate with sunglasses added hesitantly. "Dazai, sir, I don't mean to be rude, but...I saw him sweeping behind the office the other day. A man of his status isn't qualified to be your friend, let alone contend with an enemy like this."

Dazai stared, flabbergasted, at his underling.

"Are you joking? Odasaku's not qualified?" Dazai asked, thoroughly surprised.

he’s so cute

now for some silly stuff

here’s oda describing things in terms of cats

Searching for a Mafia informant is on a completely different level from locating a missing pet cat (which I've actually done before, so I say this with confidence). If a cat runs away, then you can stake out a local feeding ground, but there was no way for me to even guess where Ango's "feeding ground" might be.

I had placed a foot on the staircase to the second floor, which looked as if it could come crumbling down at any moment, when I heard a sound coming from somewhere in the building. It was very faint, only about as loud as a kitten rolling on its back.

he’s such a guy

"I am André Gide. We ghosts came in search of... the one who will free our souls," the leader claimed.

…

"Well, I know this guy who works at a funeral home. I'm sure he'll give you a discount if I put in a word for you."

"Anyway, I feel for you, Odasaku. Not only did you run into the enemy's boss, but he made some serious advances toward you, too. At this rate, you guys will be married by the weekend."

"That's not what happened." At least, I hoped not. "They're just a group of weirdos who start wars for the sake of it."

"Oh? I think it's kinda cute, going to such lengths to plan another person's death. I never would've thought of doing that." There was more than a hint of amusement in his tone.

“at least, i hoped not” ODA 😭😭😭

i just love dazai in this specific moment, he’s so silly

"I found a handkerchief at the site of the explosion." Dazai grinned fiendishly. "There was a napkin from this place wrapped inside. It was completely obvious. Who would've thought spies used such dated methods, huh?"

Now that he mentioned it, I remembered lending Ango my handkerchief before I passed out. That must've been when he slipped the napkin in. I just thought I'd lost it.

BRO THOUGHT ANGO JUST LIKE GAVE HIM BACK THE NAPKIN TOO

"Man, that was hot. Why does curry have to be that hot?

Does it have something against mankind? More people would eat it if it were less spicy. This is negligence in food culture." I thought about it for a moment before answering. "If more people ate it, then nobody would eat anything else, thus completely destroying food culture as we know it."

"Makes sense." Dazai nodded, seemingly convinced.

"You hurt yourself on a block of tofu?"

He must have been in desperate need of some calcium.

"...Odasaku, that's exactly the problem right there. You're enabling Dazai. You don't speak up, and that's why he goes off the rails."

I see. So this was what Ango meant by "enabling" him. You learn something new every day.

i love how funny oda is without meaning to be like he fr just says shit 😭

anyways that was a really good read uhh made me really sad, also better than the anime ngl, oda was so much more badass and cool

[damagedintellect]

Dazai Osamu x reader

💌 Reading into the palms of isekai bullshit: 

Chapter 1  💌  

Summary:   You were no stranger to isekai bullshit. It’s not like you had a problem with it. The genre took over the anime scene for years now but you try to stay away from thinking about how you would handle the situation. The last time you thought about inserting yourself into your favorite show you wrote a 100k word xReader fic for your favorite characters and you didn’t want to spend all your time consumed by the brainrot again. Never again, you promised yourself that was the last time you’d let the devil on your shoulder win. You clicked on chapter 1 to start the adventure over again but when you opened your eyes and saw Dazai O-FUCKING-samu getting choked by Kunikida you honestly hoped it was a dream.

Notes: Another isekai so I can play around with BSD like dolls.

💌 Word count: 3,312 💌  You Are Here | Next Chapter =>

"Nooooooo!” you screamed, throwing your phone down. Today was the day the new Bungo Stray Dogs chapter was supposed to be posted. It was but you weren’t happy about it. You finished reading it in record speed since they left both of your favorite characters in a pretty heavy cliffhanger only to shift the perspective to someone else. It wasn’t a bad chapter, you just didn’t like the idea that you’d now have to wait another month. You sighed falling back on to your bed. The waiting was nothing new but your brain wanted more. More adventures, more side stories, heck at this point you might as well reread the damn thing. You’ve been scrolling through tumblr reading as many plot analysis and character breakdowns to the point where you feel like you know everyone like the back of your hand. Everyone feels so real to you like you’ve known them all your life, almost like in another life you were all friends or maybe you were a part of the agency. You laughed to yourself as you picked your phone back up. The rain outside would be nice ambient noise to start the manga over once again. 

You were no stranger to isekai bullshit. It’s not like you had a problem with it. The genre took over the anime scene for years now but you try to stay away from thinking about how you would handle the situation. The last time you thought about inserting yourself into your favorite show you wrote a 100k word xReader fic for your favorite characters and you didn’t want to spend all your time consumed by the brainrot again. Never again, you promised yourself that was the last time you’d let the devil on your shoulder win. The soft pitter patter of the rain brought you back from your thoughts as you clicked on chapter 1 to start the adventure over again. 

—

“Dazai I swear if this was one of your planed double suicides I’m going to kill you!” a voice rang out. You could still feel the cold sensations of floating in water. What were you doing a moment ago and why did those voices sound familiar to you? The last thing you remember was starting over your beloved manga from chapter 1. You didn’t leave the house and none of your friends had keys to get in. Why were there people in your bedroom and why do you feel cold and wet? 

“I assure you if it was, me and this lovely lady would already be dead but unfortunately Atsushi here ruined that miracle for me.”

You choked, it finally hit you. You did, in fact, recognize those voices “D-Dazai?” When your vision came too you were in Atsushi’s lap as Kunikida was shaking his partner. This couldn’t be real. No this had to be a dream. Dammit you could see it now, once you woke up you were going to write another Stray Dogs isekai. You internally groaned. What have you done?

“Ah so sleeping beauty’s awake!” Dazai tapped the blonde’s wrist to get his attention. “Kunikida as a gentleman you should ask her if she’s alright and stop strangling me.” 

Reluctantly the blonde did as he was told and let go, gracefully kneeling in front of you “Are you alright my colleague said you were floating in the river?” his eyes were full of concern. It made a warm feeling bloom throughout your body. Honestly you could get used to this. Wait, did he just say you were floating in the river?

You looked dazed, glancing around to see the familiar riverbank that Atsushi starts at during the very beginning of Bungo Stray Dogs. You looked at your hands. You were still wearing the same clothes you had before you remember falling asleep, admittedly they were much soggier than you remember but you had no memory of how you ended up in the river. Just from the small scene in front of you this was how episode 1 started. If you played along maybe you’d eventually wake up. You’ve had lucid dreams before, it wasn’t too far fetched but the ache in your heart didn’t want you to wake up. Finally you looked up at Kunikida who was patiently waiting for your answer but before you could respond your stomach growled. How embarrassing, now it really was like how the episode played out.

Dazai keeled over laughing “I guess introductions can wait till we get something to eat, how about that?” He offered you a hand over his partner's shoulder to help you up. You snapped out of your haze staring at it a moment before you grabbed his hand and said “I think that’s for the best.” 

What have you gotten yourself into?

At dinner Atsushi spent no time at all stuffing his face as Kunikida and Dazai bantered back and forth. Dialogue you remembered from when you watched the show originally. You forgot how furious Kunikida was over the whole ordeal and you felt bad knowing what Atsushi was going to say next. He really needed a hug and you know what you can finally do that with your circumstances but maybe not right now.

“I came to Yokohama straight from the orphanage. I’ve had nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep since. I thought I’d starve to death.”

“You came from an orphanage?” Dazai questioned. He was sitting across from you casually and despite being hungry you noticed that he didn’t order anything to eat. You had ordered one out of solidarity. You’ve always wanted to try tea on rice but never bothered trying to find a place that makes it in your area. Atsushi was already on his twelfth bowl or so as he continued the conversation. 

“I was yes but they kicked me out.”

“Sounds like a real philanthropic organization.” Dazai turned his attention from Atsushi to you “How about you? Remember anything now?” He rested his head on the back of his hands. You wanted to hold them.

You nodded looking down at your hands. That’s when you got an idea. “I think my name is (Y/N), (Y/N) (L/N). Still trying to work out how I got in the river but,” you paused raising your hands to your face slightly. Your mom had read tons of books about palm reading. Maybe this could be your chance to use what little knowledge you remember to your advantage. “I don’t know this might sound silly but do you mind if I see your hands?”

Dazai tilted his head to the side before he offered you his palms “What brought this on?” You pretended to inspect the lines ghosting over them with your fingers tracing some of them lightly. “When I looked at my hands I had this voice in my head that told me that I could read palms. Mine were kind of fuzzy so I wanted to see if I could read someone else’s” You pretend to see flashbacks, blinking and tensing up for added effect. He played along, chuckling to himself “Well what do you see?”

You forced a careful expression on your face slowly sparing him a glance “A lot you’d rather I not say out loud.” You move to hold his hands in yours giving him a loving squeeze and smile “Odasaku would be proud of you though.” The look he gave you was sharp, his lips in a tight line hearing the name. Before either of you could really finish the exchange Kunikida piped up.

“Dazai we’re not a couple of do good-ers going around helping hard luck cases. We’ve got a job to do.” Kunikida nudged the other with his book. He clearly didn't believe in your charade. You could fix that “Actually I have a feeling I might be able to help with your case if you let me see your hands too.” He gave you a wary look as you made grabby hands at him “Please I swear I’ll explain once I see everyone’s hands.” Dazai gave him a cautious expression but Kunikida gave in. Probably to get it over with so he could go back to work. This time you didn’t try to trace patterns on his palm like you did to Dazai. “Wow, I’ve never seen someone so traumatized by the color blue before.” as he made a choked noise, you turned to Atsushi. “Okay your turn.”

“Do I have too?” 

“Yes, otherwise I’ll be missing a piece of the puzzle and Kunikida and Dazai might think I'm a threat." Atsushi slowly presented them to you. "You see, they're with the Armed Detective Agency and currently they're looking for a white tiger. You know the one that's been "chasing" you." You said "chasing" in air quotes letting go of his hands to do the gesture making sure to give a nod to Dazai about the tiger thing.

In Atsushi’s panic he knocked over his chair and a couple of bowls as he tried to crawl away. You watched the scene play out as Kunikida pinned him to the floor and the interrogation started. You sat patiently as Atsushi was then asked if he was free to be bait. Dazai hadn't taken his eyes off of you letting Kunikida handle Atsushi. Maybe you did go too heavy handed into this.

“Forget it no way!”

You tried to ignore Dazai's gaze and laughed at Atsushi’s outburst trying to lighten the mood. “I don’t know Atsushi. If it’s after you I feel like this is the perfect opportunity to get it off your back for good. What if I tagged along? Strength in numbers right?” He stood up and defended himself “That doesn’t make it better! I’m not doing this okay. I know what you’re thinking, you’re planning to use me as bait-”

“There’s a reward you know.”

From there Atsushi’s fate was sealed and you all made your way over to the warehouse. You waited around for hours, everyone keeping to themselves. You spent the time trying to plan out how you'd explain yourself to Dazai. You could still feel his cautious gaze on you despite him reading his book. You’ve always wanted his attention but not like this. You especially didn't want to be on his shit list. As soon as Atsushi opened his mouth you sighed in relief.

 Finally, it's showtime.

 It’s not like you’d actually be of any help, you just needed to make sure you didn’t die or get in the way. “Guess that’s my cue to leave, I’ll go find Kunikida and the others.” Dazai only smirked and continued to monologue to Atsushi who would not remember the speech later. You casually strode out of the warehouse seeing the others already surrounding the building, hearing the ruckus inside. You didn’t speak, only waved them in as you made your way back to Dazai seeing that the dust had already settled and Atsushi was already on the ground. After everyone else got to take a jab at him the brunette finally spoke.

“I’ve already made my decision. We’re going to make them one of us.” Dazai’s stare made you freeze up. It makes sense to you, keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Not that you were his enemy but you've already proven you don't have an ability. Your little trick worked on him so you weren't gifted and that probably was the worse part. He doesn't know what your intentions are nor what the extent of your talents were and he couldn’t nullify you even if he tried. He was probably evaluating your level of threat to him, the agency or both.

His eyes were staring into your soul. It was so alluring but you couldn't help the fear that was settling in knowing what he was capable of. Well part of it was fear and part of it was intrigue. Why did he have to also be so damn attractive. Your face felt hot but you couldn't look away. You dug your grave now you'd have to lay in it. The whole way back to the dormitory he was guiding you from the small of your back. In any other circumstance the presence of his hand on such a place would have you swooning because that is peak protective boyfriend behavior but instead it was almost threatening like he was trying to make sure you couldn’t run away. However another part of your brain, the demented part, was screaming louder than any of the other voices in your head because it finally hit you that holy shit they were here. This all felt so real and you were playing with fire. 

You made sure to keep up with what was happening, keeping your emotions in check enough to make sure your face or your body language didn’t give anything away. You and Atsushi were given some spare clothes and a cell phone. They only had one room available right now since the other one was being used as storage. They would have it cleared in a day or two. Atsushi tried to give the available one to you but Dazai stepped in and assured him that he'd personally see to it that you were taken care of. Kunikida was actually surprised that Dazai was willing to put in some level of work settling the accommodations. Little does he know what the brunette had in mind. It sent shivers down your spine for all the wrong reasons. When everything was settled Dazai opened the door to his apartment gesturing for you to go inside.

Once you stepped in you took off the shoes the agency just gave you. You had almost forgotten that when you woke up at the river, just like Atsushi, you didn't have any shoes on. No one questioned your strange attire either but you guess after everything they’ve seen it wasn’t the weirdest thing they’ve experienced in their lifetimes. Standing at the doorway to the small room you were waiting for Dazai to direct you where to set your new things down. His futon was still spread out on the floor and the table near its side still had the slight mess of empty bottles and cans. Once you heard the sound of the door’s lock you swallowed hard unintentionally snapping you back to the gravity of the situation. You were alone in a room with ex demon prodigy, Osamu Dazai. 

"You can put that over in the corner." His voice rang in your ear. He was looming over you. He didn't even make a sound crossing the room; he just appeared behind you in a second. You did as you were told, trying to calm down your increasing heart rate. You knelt down to set it on the floor but as you stood back up you staggered back against the wall with Dazai towering over you again.

"You want to tell me who you really are?" He smiled carefree as if he wasn't using his height to corner you. You took a breath relaxing against the wall. His hands were behind his back yet you felt trapped. "I don't work for anyone if that's what you're getting at. I didn't lie about who I was earlier but I didn't need you to show me your hands. Technically I already saw it when you offered to help me up, that is, your past with the port mafia. I genuinely didn't know that was something I could do. That's why I asked to see your palms a second time, it didn’t sit right with me. That's why I asked for you to willingly give me your hands. I'm sorry I brought up oda but it was either him or the hot redhead you call hat rack." You gave him a knowing look that you made the right choice of who to name drop.

He grimaced when you called Chuuya hot. It seemed mentioning him caused him to lose all hostility in his demeanor. Interesting. He must believe you then. "So what do you know?" Dazai seemed to relax enough to sit on the futon. You followed after him since the tension dispersed. "Well since this bit," you moved to grab his hand to point out the part of his palm "is covered in bandages. I only know generally how you met Mori to the present day. I don’t know everything, just little blips here and there that were significant. I didn't look at Kunikida for that long but the Azure king popped up and I knew Atsushi was the tiger all along. Although it wasn't my place to get involved the way I did. Again I apologize." You caressed his hand with your thumb. He was watching you like a hawk. You were looking down thinking if there was anything else you should mention. Hopefully this was enough.

He hummed taking it in for a second before he pulled your arm while pushing your shoulder back, pinning you underneath him. "Are you scared of me? Knowing what I've done." He smirked playfully but his eyes were serious. If he wanted to play games you knew how to combat him. Or at least you think this would be an adequate counter to whatever he was doing now. You smiled "Quite the opposite. I trust you with every fiber of my being." Your words caused his eyes to dilate and his body to tense before he situated himself to further hover over your shorter frame. "Really now, even like this?" His expression dripped with lust as he dipped to whisper in your ear "I could have my way with you if I wanted." An empty threat clearly.

"You definitely could but you won't." You said it so matter of factly he shifted to look at you again. You used your freehand to caress his cheek giving him a soft smile "You have my unconditional trust. The position we're in changes nothing, ya womanizer." The source material never went into detail about Dazai’s past relationships. Only that he’s made women cry and that Chuuya knew of every single last one of them but he’s done his fair share of over the top flirting throughout the series. You just had to steel your nerves and out bluff the conman.

"Does it now?" He hummed giving you a mischievous grin as his hand delicately released its grip on yours sliding down to your wrist. His fingers pressing into your skin trying to find your pulse. Your eyes widened as you realized what he was doing. Your demeanor broke as you squirm underneath him. It was too late, you could see the pleased expression grace his features "Someone should be a little more honest with themselves." He leaned in making your noses touch. You could feel his hot breath on your lips before he pulled away. "Buuuuut you're right, I won't." He abruptly broke the trance you were in sitting up releasing his hold on you making you feel breathless. Your heart was still racing. Curse this attractive waste of bandages. 

"You can take the room! I'll be off to-" He started off cheerily but you reached out to grab his arm. "Nope. As gentlemanly as you are, you can't fool me. Don't flatter yourself. Yes, I find you attractive but I'm not that desperate. Just stay, we’re both adults." You pretended to gasp covering your mouth "Or are you running away because you're all hot and bothered?" You gave him a smirk waiting to see how he’d react. Two could play at this game. He frowned slightly at your challenge. You knew his signature move was running away from every uncomfortable moment he’s caused but if he backed down from your challenge now you'd win and Dazai doesn’t like to lose. So you shared the futon and you slept with Osamu Dazai.

[kyouka-supremacy]

If we’re talking about sexism in BSD can we talk about Dazai Osamu’s Entrance Exam? (Not the anime adaptation) I really really really hated how Dazai and Kunikida would talk about Sasaki right in front of her like she wasn’t even there?? And just how they generally were with her…Reading that light novel was a genuinely unpleasant experience more times than I’d like to admit solely because of how egregiously gross it was when it came to Sasaki's character and how the guys would treat her. I've never seen anyone talk about it but it's been bugging me for a while now.

(个_个)

I understand how that's all sorts of fucked up. I haven't read the Entrance Exam novel but in my opinion the Sasaki / Kunikida / Dazai anime scenes rub just as wrong. There's really the whole deal of talking in front of women like they were lesser / objects which is plain atrocious. But then again, the bsd novels produced the unfamous Naomi description, so it's really the author giving their worst apparently.

The sexism in bsd is pathologic. Something I've brought up before but that is really explicative to me, Dazai going “The murder must have occurred in the early morning, because that's the only time of the day a woman wouldn't be wearing make-up”. And it's probably silly of me to pick up on such a small thing when wearing make-up is debated within feminist spaces itself, and it's probably something I have personal issues with, but the way in the story it serves the role of an objective hint, something plain and unconfutable, that women are expected to wear make-up at every hour of the day and them not doing so is just absurd and unthinkable… To me it really speaks of how the world of bsd is a world were women are expected to fit a determined ideal that is very distant from reality, and the author really has a very limited understanding of what women are actually like irl.

If we’re talking about sexism in bsd, can we talk about what was up with the Yosano / buisnessman (?) scene in chapter 7? It's been two years since I've watched and read that scene, and I still can't figure out what it's supposed to mean or convey. First, Yosano is shown being tame and overly polite towards someone who was being extremely rude; then, after he hits her and tells her to know her place, she replies “Well, a thousand pardons, sir. Would it be more womanly for me to crush your puny ××××× under my heels, perhaps?”. Now, her reply is somewhat funny, but really, doesn't mean anything. And I'm not talking about the censure. Why is her behaviour so fluctuating and inconsistent? What does womanhood has to do with anything here? Why would she be so polite and then suddenly backtrack? Really, why was she being polite in the first place to someone being so vulgar and disrespectful towards her? Honestly, that doesn't feel Yosano at all. At most it feels like that's supposed to portray how a woman is expected to react in an imaginary and unrealistic world, but that has so little standing potential irl, not even Yosano in this manga could hold the charade for long, and the result ends up looking awkward and nonsensical. Every time I see this scene I'm just like… What is going on here. Not even in a judgemental way, just as in “I seriously can't understand what the author was trying to say with this”, and frankly, I don't think they do know either. It really makes evident their struggle to write female characters, like women were this strange, foreign, very abstract concept that's impossible to crack or relate to. And when the answer is so simple, that you shouldn't write women as an unknown and indecipherable species, but simply as people— it would almost be endearing if it wasn't so detrimental. I won't even get to her “It is an era of equality for men and women” line which, put in the context of this manga, comes off as the most unfunny joke ever. Here, I can see what the author was trying to do alright, nodding to irl Yosano Akiko feminist viewpoints, but making the character Yosano talk in cheap feminist slogans to rival mcu movies ends up doing her a disservice more than anything, and I doubt it would leave the actual Yosano Akiko positively impressed at all.

If we’re talking about sexism in bsd, can we talk about how Kouyou should be the next pm boss, and the fact that the spot is canonly reserved for Chuuya instead is insane and nonsensical and outrageous to the point that even CHUUYA agrees on the fact that she should be the one? You know, Kouyou, the powerful ability user, experienced, senior in hierarchy, who has been shown to be both loyal to the current boss Mori and close to him on a personal level? Compared to Chuuya who never wanted to be the boss in the first place? But he gets to be either way, because the concept of a woman pm boss is just unthinkable. I feel like there's more reasons to cry for that Cannibalism stage play scene than the Flags' voices.

If we’re talking about sexism in bsd, can we talk about Higuchi? Can we talk about Lucy? Bsd offers so many examples of its sexism, we could be here to talk about it for days. At this point I feel like I might come across as someone who loves hating on things, but in reality every time I write a post of this kind it's a desperate prayer to the author: “Prove me wrong! Please, prove me wrong! Write women with layers and agencies! Expand on their virtues and flaws and ambitions! Dedicate narrative arcs to them! Prove me wrong!”

[little-pup-pip]

i remember u posting a thing where it shows all the requests you haven't done yet. I just want to see as I requested something long ago in 2023. I'm not trying to seem pushy, I'm just curious!

(this was rhe person that requested a bugbo thing)

Here you go!! This is very long, so I put the list under the cut!

These are the requests sent after I stopped accepting them that I didn't delete for various reasons. If you sent in a request after I closed them on March 14th and don't see it here, you'll need to send a new one (please don't take it personally if I deleted it)!!

Black + squirrel

Asra (the arcana)

Shurara (keroro gunsou)

Ring tailed lemur

Buzz light-year

Rottweiler

Yellow raccoon petre

Lionel Messi

Sonic the hedgehog

Light pink and blue bunnies

Middle school gym class

Jenny wakeman (my life as a teenage robot)

Chris Kratt (wild Kratts)

Yuri (doki doki literature club)

Cole (Lego Ninjago)

Crowley (good omens)

Stingray

Prince + bunnies

CG vil (twisted wonderland)

Alt + Wolf-dog

Golden retriever

Hobbes (Calvin and Hobbes)

Kipo (kipo and the age of wonderbeasts, I think)

Leif (my inner demons)

Little big planet 3

Clouds + pastel blue

Outdoorsy + animals

Sun and stars + bunnies

Chase (paw patrol, I actually have two of these waiting)

Cinnamoroll

Eastern red bat

Octopus regression

Tiger CG

Aquarium trip

Pastel coloring + kitties

lavender/grey bunnies

Pastel dolls

Jumping spiders/Leopard geckos

Dr. animo (ben 10)

Shuichi saihara

Black Shiba inu

This is everything left from before I closed my requests!

Osamu dazai (bsd)

Flutist

The dazzlings (equestria girls)

Vampire with Halloween themes

Guardians of ga'hoole

Gromsko (MW2/3)

V (murder drones)

Cg SD-N (murder drones)

Cassidy (overwatch) and cowboys

TMNT Leonardo

Ranboo

Pastel kitty

Lackadaisy

Epithet erased

Another OC named cerys

Pikmin

Slay the princess

Someone's pictures (Idk what to call this one just know that I'm going to do it)

The Magnus protocol

Bive (regretavator)

Donnie darko

Megamind

Jake Peralta (Brooklyn nine nine)

Allister (pokemon)

Umi (idk from where I'll figure it out eventually)

Rottweiler puppy and the creek

Monster tom (eddsworld)

Gnarpy (regretavator)

Xianzhao loufu (hsr)

Cg jing yuan (hsr)

Cupcake and dino

Kitty petre pomni (tadc)

Shiromo (pui pui molcar)

Jack harkness (doctor who)

Pettoism

Cg basil hallward (the picture of Dorian gray)

Cats

Spiderman (again! lol)

Mei (Lego monkie kid)

Cats + cakes

Houndoom (pokemon)

Wolfwalkers from cartoon saloon

Lucifer (hazbin hotel)

Critterspace (drafts)

Minecraft lush caves (drafts)

Ibara saegusa

Llewellyn Watts (Murdoch Mysteries)

Jake (trailer park warlock, drafts)

Cult of the lamb (pet dreaming themed)

Tubbo

Cassie (fnaf: ruin)

Black kitten + space

Grey draik (neopets)

Pumpkin head (still needs more research)

Someone's OC Avery & siblings

Maki harukawa

Brown, lime green and forest green puppy

Dylan (the magic roundabout)

Zombies

Vincent (dead plate)

Osamu dazai (bungo stray dogs, drafts)

Vision CG (marvel, drafts)

Light blue

Bearded vulture

Mind (Chonny Jash/CCCC)

Seam CG (deltarune)

John Constantine (Justice League Dark)

Keralis (Hermitcraft, maybe)

Tula tones (novi stars, drafts)

Eevee + dragons (or witchy themes which I may do instead)

Kitten + stars (I think, the request actually says stairs though and it's been confusing me)

Mushrooms

Grey + Ross federman youtooz (drafts)

Boyfriend.xml (Friday night funkin')

Puppet (fnaf)

Genshin impact (drafts)

Eddsworld

Karako Pierot (hiveswap)

Scorpion

Border Collie

Mortal Kombat

Puppy + SpongeBob (drafts)

Baby vulture (drafts)

Rain world/slugcat (drafts)

Border Collie

Modded smash hit rooms

Crying child (fnaf)

Agent Smith CG (the matrix)

Rolfe DeWolfe CG (Rockafire Explosion)

Slime rancher

Puppet (fnaf)

Parado (Kamen Rider)

Tally hall

Rockabilly (probably)

Felix Lee

Charles Xavier CG (X-Men)

Naoto Shirogane (persona 4, drafts)

Kitoto

17th century dutch (drafts)

Sees behind trees (drafts)

Allay (Minecraft, I think. Drafts)

Tasmanian devil (drafts, can't figure out if they want the cartoon or animal)

Spamton CG (deltarune, drafts)

Grunge + lop eared bunnies (drafts)

Yume-Nikki (drafts)

Daxter (jak and daxter, drafts)

Madness combat for puppies (drafts)

James Sunderland (silent Hill, drafts)

Shirokuma (Danganronpa, drafts)

Leo (IDW comic, drafts)

[bomberblondie]

Rating the ADA members' hairstyles #1

Nakajima Atsushi: 4/10

A very tricky and controversial one to begin with. He certainly suffers from the changes in the anime. The black streak being erased certainly is a bigger betrayal to the fanbase than chronic betrayer Ango could ever hope to achieve in his career. Not only does Atsushi lose his tiger vibe but also his hair connection to Akutagawa.

As for his actual haircut, I do like the boldness, he certainly sets a statement with it, though what exactly that statement is supposed to be remains unknown. Once again he loses greatly in the anime bc even though the cut seems cleaner, this only makes it more apparent that the thing on his head was deliberate and it fails to explain its purpose. Sentence: mid (the worst thing that can be said about you)

Dazai Osamu: 12/10

There certainly is a huge difference between manga and anime as well, equally in length, shape, texture and detail in his hair. While I am not a hater of his manga hair like some others who claim it to look greasy (I just don't really see that, what I do see however is that it makes him look more serious and less soft, which does fit the darker side of his character and adds a nice undertone to him), I won't concentrate on it.

To get to my rating of his anime hair: What can I say. I am absolutely smitten with every character design choice the anime producers made and one of their biggest hits is Dazai's hair. It's beautiful, so much fun to draw and suits him perfectly. Sentence: I'm on my knees

+ bonus points: He looks like a cocker spaniel with this I can't explain but yknow I'm right, he was the most dog of them all in the first BSD WAN episode, literally made to be a stray dog

Yosano Akiko: 8/10

While technically a mere bob style, Yosano's hair still effortlessly managed to become one of the most noticed by me, which might be because I love her she is our first manga winner. In the earliest chapters, her hair is shown to be not entirely straight but rather facing inward, rounding the edges of her cut. Probably due to time management reasons, this falls of pretty early, but it will live on forever in my imagination.

We also have the butterfly hairpiece, which sets a nice contrast to her otherwise cool business look and of course is strongly connected to her ability and troubles. The placement is great too, truly a flawlessly executed look. However, she loses slightly in the anime due to the butterfly looking very heavy and the purple looking a little out of place. Sentence: I am torn (the first manga one is so slay but then it lacks spice)

Other parts of this series: #2

[meltinglake09]

Mori theories, maybe cannon, and connections.

Mori in BSD is someone who takes pleasure in other’s demise/torment, there is no denying that. Along with the fact I am no ‘Mori Fan’ I can assure you that this is not a fan post.

But there are some theories and maybe cannon things about Mori that keep me awake. For example: Mori has his ability being ’Elise’ and it can do mostly anything he requests, along with creating a perfect replacement of a human body, which would be perfect for practicing as he is a doctor.

This thought can lead to other thoughts, such as Yosano and her tendencies to shred her patients apart for her own pleasure of sorts. She could’ve been influenced by Mori and his doctor tendencies on Elise. Though this all has to depend on the fact that Mori did in fact experiment on ‘Elise’ in cruel ways.

Having Yosano and Mori having a deeper connection would be intriguing lore. And reading a little about the real life Mori Ōgai and his daughters, along with Yosano Akiko’s run down of their lives. They both have the connection of expressing sexual feelings. Taking off the fact that Elise may also represent Mori’s daughter for this theory, Elise in some scenes represents a nurse like Yosano. But Elise being a nurse could also represent Moris past of being a doctor.Also reading up on Mori, he also supported the theory of the ‘unconscious mind’ by Von Hartmann. This can connect back to him trying to get his ability to feel human and have its own thoughts.

Going back to the sexual things that the author Mori Rintarō has written, such as Sansho Dayu that was directed by another author/film director Kenji Mizoguchi. Now this may just be a coincidence, however seeing that BSD always has connections, from what I have read, the author Kenji Mizoguchi has no other connections with Bsd based characters besides Mori and Kyōka Izumi. Honestly I could go down another rabbit hole with Kenji’s and Kyōka’s connections, but I’ll keep on going with Mori’s in this post.

Bringing it back a bit, another connection that Mori Rintarō has was with Jun'ichirō Tanizaki. This should give flash backs to the two siblings in Bsd, Naomi, and Jun'ichirō. Seeing how Mori Rintarō is very associated with sexual writing, it also came to no surprise that the author Jun'ichirō Tanizaki also has some sexual traits within his own work such as Chijin no ai that also includes obsessive love within that.

With these two characters Jun'ichirō, and Kenji having seemingly no connection whatsoever to Mori within the anime/manga Bsd, I can’t help but think that this is just a sort of connection to represent the very presence of sexual tension in Bsd that is quite overlooked. I would feel like Jun'ichirō is not done with the Port Mafia business with how his author is connected to Mori. But Kenji is a character that is questionable with the connection to Mori and seeing how that would connect to Bsd.

However, the most interesting connection I have found with the writer Mori Rintarō is his connection with Natsume Sōseki. They both contributed to a book called Suicidal Honor. First thought, Osamu Dazai. However, the connection to Dazai rose even more when the main run down of the book is about Emperor Meiji’s funeral then General Nogi Maresuke committed ritual suicide by seppuku (disembowelment). Making that a double suicide. Honestly, the connection is very complicated, along with Natsume Sōseki being a connection that doesn’t really have a book about sexual relations that is kinda Mori Rintarō whole career is based around. Making this a connection back to Bsd with Dazai. Having this could implicate that they have some sort of conscious of the ‘book’ with many other theories also suggesting this online.

But at the end, I don’t really know where I’m going with this, it’s just some quick thinking of different cannon things and theories. Late night thoughts just hit different.

[hellonoblesky]

can i hear about your views on dazai osamu? especially with the quote about cowards being hurt by cotton?

YEAHHH CHARACTER ASK TYTY ILY

Also Anon I’m gonna assume ur talking about the anime characterization of him in Bungou Stray Dogs because I literally know nothing about the actual guy aside from the basics and searching up that quote

That quote I’m pretty sure is a commentary on his views of cowardice??? And tbh facts because if you’re afraid of everything you can feel hurt from the most gentle things tust me i would know i have anxiety. in the context of BSD maybe he’s talking from Experience. maybe he’s talking from Observation. Maybe he’s talking from just thought

And I like him!! I think he’s an asshole and a shitty person but I like him. I think that’s part of the facade he’s designed for, really, cruelty hidden behind a silly goofy exterior. He’s fascinating to me

I think a lot of how he acts was shaped by Mori, which sounds super bad but also mori has a generally cheerful exterior and him and he shares certain characteristics in regards of outward behavior with Dazai (Cheerful standby when telling people to work together, being a little goofy, being actually key players and very very ruthless but hiding it behind a silly facade). Which makes sense !! Because Dazai really was just a kid when he was brought into Mori’s care, bro was 15 !!!!!!!

I also think the way he acts in any given situation is heavily influenced by who he’s around. Which is part of why he was such a fucking asshole to Akutagawa. He was in the mafia, cruelty abound, so he was cruel. Obviously that dosen’t EXCUSE anything he did to Akutagawa he was such a fucking asshole to that kid I swear to fucking god

But I think that’s also why he’s kinder to Atsushi. He’s not in the mafia now, so fucking punching a kid so hard they get a concussion when they hit the floor isn’t exactly something you can DO, so he adapts. Like obviously he’s not the Best with Atsushi but in comparison ti how he acted with Akutagawa…. There’s a very very stark difference, because Dazai adapts to situations to fit in, to weave his web

He’s learned to adapt, to change his demeanor and his actions to fit specific things

And that’s not to say that he only acts like he cares about people because I think he does care he just is not very good emotionally so he’s like. stuck. He needs someone to initiate the act or demonstration of care first before he can consider returning it. He needs to know someone will care back or that someone is capable of caring back. They make the first move

Also I think he could benefit from being put in a blender for a little bit. i think that would be a fun pastime for him

Oh yeah I also think his suicidal tendencies stem from pre-mafia trauma and they persist because he just can’t shake the thought pattern, and he was involved with the MAFIA for like four years that cant have been great for the mental state of a suicidal teen

[aliencentrc]

the law of nature states that every time you draw a character with bandages a smoke and brown hair you are unknowingly recreating dazai osamu from hit anime bsd

[mccnglade]

many reasons; dazai osamu

DAZAI OSAMU X READER

In hindsight, you should have realised that running after Dazai was not a good decision on your part...

WORD COUNT: 1.8K words

WARNINGS: mentions of suicide, abuse (not reader's), angst (if you squint), fluffy ending. MILD SPOILERS FOR BUNGO STRAY DOGS SEASON 3

(e/c) - eye color

A/N: sorry if the formatting is a bit wonky!! i'm posting this on mobile because tumblr doesn't work on my stupid, old laptop.

this fic is really super, self-indulgent because dazai is my favorite in bsd and i love when situations like the one in this one shot happen in anime, so i combined the two things and wrote this. this was actually going be a scene in a dazai fic i'm thinking of posting on my wattpad, but i decided to scrap it and write it as a oneshot. i hope you all enjoy reading this!!

Also shoutout to @neonghxst who wanted me to finish this one shot hehe. thanks to her, i got the inspiration to actually write this and finish it.

"Are you sure we should have left him like that?"

You fiddled with the ends of your coat sleeves. Upon hearing about Atsushi's new case and the end result, you immediately wanted to give the boy a hug and never let him go. He had been through so much these past few weeks and hearing about the death of that abusive headmaster of his old orphanage must have been incredibly painful.

But Dazai had promptly pulled you away, after saying exactly what needed to be said. (He always knew what to say in any kind of situation and that made you feel jealous a lot of times)

"Things like that are meant to be dealt with alone. Atsushi-kun will manage," Dazai answered with a cool tone. "You worry too much, (Y/N)-chan."

He tried to ruffle your hair but you slapped his hand away with a huff.

"I have every right to worry, you know," You crossed your arms, angrily staring at the ground. You and Dazai had already left the port area and now were back in the city, walking next to each other. "He and Kyouka just...I just wanna give them both a hug and adopt them as family."

This time, Dazai successfully managed to ruffle your hair."You are very funny, (Y/N)-chan."

"I'm not being funny! I'll actually adopt them, just you wait and see."

"As amusing as that would be, I'm gonna stop you there."

"Why?"

"Well, it's nighttime now. And we are almost near the river. The moon's pretty bright today. Which means one thing and one thing only."

"What, Dazai?"

"It's the perfect time for a double suicide!" 

Dazai suddenly grabbed you by the waist and spun you around. You felt your face grow warmer as he kept his hands on your waist, meanwhile going on about the benefits of a double suicide.

"D-dazai! Let go!" You physically tried to struggle out of his grip, knowing that your Ability was useless in this situation. "Just let go, dumbass!"

"Nope, not gonna." 

Dazai let go of your waist, but then immediately grabbed your hand. But you managed to pull it away. He stuck his tongue out at you. "You are no fun, (Y/N)-chan."

You glared at him. "How many times do I have to tell you no, you bandage squandering idiot?!"

"Ahh!! You sound so much like Kunikida-kun! Why didn't you tell me you were so great at impersonating others?"

"Huh?! What's that supposed to mean?" You went to shove his shoulder but he dodged it,  jumping aside with his annoying (endearing) laugh. You tried to hit him again, but he dodged this time too and started running.

"Oi, Dazai! Come back here, you idiot!"

You ran too, trying to catch up to him so that you could, at least, flick his forehead before slapping him. Why was he so annoying, you always wondered. 

'Isn't this why you like him?' Your heart whispered to you.

'Shut up,' You told it.

You kept on running. Even as you did, the sun had almost set, taking its red and orange hues and replacing it with the dark, navy blue of the night sky. The running brought you to the river bank, a spot where both you and Kunikida had to drag Dazai out of. For some reason, he declared this spot and drowning as his top favorite for a double suicide.

It was incredibly annoying, but at the same time, also incredibly saddening and you wished you knew more about why he was like this.

Finally, you caught up with him. 

In hindsight, you should have realised that running after Dazai was not a good decision on your part. 

Both of you stumbled down the river bank, holding onto each other because there was nothing else to grab onto. The slant river bank ended and they were on flat ground again.

But...but, both of you were in a rather compromising position. 

Usually, you were a pretty confident and self-assured person. But when it came to situations like these (or any romantic situations)…well, you were still pretty inexperienced. So inexperienced actually that you hadn't kissed anyone in a long while, almost two years to be exact. Relationships had always seemed like a waste of time to you, but being in such close proximity of the man you currently yearned for was doing wonders for your heart. (In a good way and a bad away)

Dazai's arms were on your shoulders, pinning you to the ground. He loomed over you, his brown eyes staring right into your (e/c) ones. 

You swore you could detect something there before it was hidden behind his mask again. 

No longer were you able to keep the warmth away from your face. You knew you probably resembled a tomato right now. You wanted to get out of this position quickly, but deep down, your mind and your heart both resisted. And you felt like agreeing with them this time. You wouldn't get a chance like this ever again.

So you decided to speak.

And immediately regret it.

"Your eyes are pretty," The combined forces of your heart and mind make you say something stupidly embarrassing and you immediately want to cover your face. But you can't. So you continue.

Even the darkness of night couldn't keep the redness of your cheeks hidden. 

"I mean, they're not just an ugly brown color. They have this amber-like quality to them. And everytime light hits them, they almost shine and it makes them more beautiful than I ever thought. Like seriously, you have really beautiful eyes. Personally, your eyes are your best feature and they're one of the many reasons I fell for you."

(You wanna crush your own stupid heart for that last bit.)

"Oh?" That was all Dazai said, that stupidly endearing smirk on his face. "Many reasons? What are they again?"

"Um, uh," You hesitated, turning your head to the side. This was more embarrassing than any other situation you had ever been in. There was nowhere else to go and while you could have kicked Dazai away with ease, truth be told you really didn't want to do that. How many chances like this would you ever get? "I don't even know when I started liking you. And maybe it's a stupid thing because nothing is ever going to come out of it, but yeah. I have feelings for you, Dazai Osamu. Truth be told, I can sort of understand why you ask women to commit a double suicide with you. You want someone to be by your side, right? You don't want to be lonely when you die. I guess I can understand that, though I wish I could show you the joy in living. But I don't think I'll ever be able to change your mind."

You laughed nervously, looking anywhere but at Dazai's face, where his smirk had been replaced by a more serious look. "I went on a totally different tangent there, didn't I? You can forget that last bit but to sum up everything, I have feelings for you. I don't expect you to return them anyways so...yeah."

Now, you looked at Dazai. His expression was unreadable. You couldn't understand what emotions were written on his face. You didn't even know what he would do next. Would he reciprocate your feelings? Would he reject them? What would he do? You wanted answers and you weren't getting them.

Then again, it was partly your fault also. You suddenly sprung these feelings on him. You shouldn't expect him to answer quickly. 

(Secretly, you also thought that Dazai wasn't the type of person who'd ever truly  love someone. It was just your stupid luck he was the person you fell for.)

Unexpectedly, Dazai suddenly moved off you, giving you the opportunity to finally sit up and contemplate your next moves.

'Should I just run away?' You thought, thinking about the pain of rejection. You'd deal with it. Somehow. 'It's the coward's way out. But what more can I do?'

"If you're thinking of running away, don't," Dazai suddenly said, meeting your eyes with a stare so intense that you swore he could read every single thought in your mind. 

"That was not what I was thinking," You clearly lied, crossing your arms. 

"You know, I can tell that you're lying, my Belladonna," Dazai put his hand on your cheek, his slender fingers brushing away the stray strands of hair on your face. "You are not a very good liar."

"D — wh-what?" You froze up completely. Because as much as you would like to deny, even an action like this left you wanting more. His hands were inexplicably warm and strangely soft. You couldn't even think about running away now. Dazai put his other hand behind your back, pulling you close to him. Close enough that your noses were almost touching and you could see the little flecks of amber in his pretty brown eyes. 

"D-do you also h-have feelings f-for me?"

What the hell was wrong with your voice? You wanted to ask your question again, but your words died in your throat. 

Instead, your heart chose to speak. You tilted your head slightly, barely brushing your lips against his. Even this small action sent volts of electricity coursing through your body. But then, your courage fizzled out and you tried to move back. 

Key word; tried. 

Dazai put his hand at the back of your head and pulled you closer, finally,  freaking finally, kissing you. 

You wished you could describe what you were feeling, but you really couldn't. Your mind was completely shut down and all you could really think was, that you were floating. And since it was your one of the few kisses you had in your life, you didn't know what to do. So you kept on pressing your mouth against Dazai's, trying to have more; trying to feel more of him. 

It was strange, it felt so strange. But kissing Dazai felt incredibly…amazing. Yeah, amazing. Just him and you and nothing else. You felt like you could touch the stars now and you didn't want it to end. You wanted to keep on doing this forever, or as long as both of you could. 

But then, Dazai suddenly ended the kiss, pulling back with a lazy grin.

You stared at him, breathing heavily. And then, you let your head fall onto his shoulder, grabbing onto to the front of his cream-colored trench coat. 

"Does that answer your question, (Y/N)-chan?" He asked with a sing-song voice, suddenly hugging you. 

"So you do like me?" Your voice was muffled by his coat, but you knew he heard you clearly. 

His lips were pressed onto your neck, moving with his answer. You understood it immediately. Releasing his coat from your hands, you hugged him back.  

You knew this moment wouldn't last very long, but you would revel in it for now. 

It was going to be the only thing on your mind for a very long time.

a/n: i hope this was a fun read! with this quarantine, i've been thinking of attempting to write more character x readers because they are good practice for writing a multi-chapter fic. so you might see more bsd, haikyuu and bnha content on here. I might also post about DC so let's see.

My wattpad

[oikawas-toris]

A darkness of hope, a ray of despair

Warning tags: Negative perspective, dark themes, death themed, implications of death.

Trigger warning: This write is based on the implications of death/suicide. It remotely speaks about these two topics throughout.

Inspiration: Dazai Osamu. A fictional character from the anime called bungou stray dogs (bsd).

A/n: Ummm the thought for this one came to me while thinking about why Dazai always fails in his attempt to die. Since the theme for this is death, I'd like to warn those who are uncomfortable with reading things based on such topics to proceed with caution.

If the world was a pitch dark room, you would be that tiny spark of light reaching for me from the other side of this seemingly endless chamber. Stretching out your long arms to embrace me in your comforting ambience, calming my tensed up nerves as they find solace in you. I don't deny your gentle clasp, but I can't seem to accept it either.

Is this really what I want? Is this really what I call home? Where I'm willing to sell my soul? Where I crave for a better place?... Is this the better place?

A sudden rush of warmth hits the flesh red organ pounding in my chest interrupting my train of thought. I stop myself, pull myself away from the peace I find in you, pull myself back into the darkness, waiting for another, brighter, godlike light to reach out to me...

I open my eyes to find myself still alive in this darkness. It's cold. Harsh. Frightening and lonely. But, still alive... waiting.

-END-

[peachycalpis]

A Tale of Two Teachers (BSD)

The Teacher AU nobody asked for, now with added extras guaranteed to put a smile on your face :)

Pairing: Dazai Osamu / Nakahara Chuuya Words: 8734; Rating: T  Summary: Chuuya is a high school physics teacher and Dazai is a maths teacher. And me? Why, I'm just their student, watching my teachers fall in love right in front of my nose. Notes: Translated with permission from 不談戀愛談老師 -------- Hello. Thank you for coming to listen to the inconsequential story of two of my most beloved teachers. First, I’ll introduce to you the best teacher of my entire high school career, and my favourite teacher ever. I first met Nakahara-sensei when I was a first-year in high school. He was my physics teacher. Everything about him was simply amazing. He was superb, put-together, competent, and just generally all-around fantastic, both in and out of his capacity as a teacher. To be honest, I must have been a saint, or saved the world, or done something amazing in my last life to have gotten him as my teacher. I thank my lucky stars every day that I've managed to have the good fortune of having had him in my life, honestly. Although I’ve just talked him up like I was being paid to advertise him, I wasn’t like this at all when he first came to teach our class. This is not entirely my fault. Rather, the blame lies with Nakahara-sensei. Imagine this: if you saw a young man barely old enough to have graduated from university with the prettiest doll face (even prettier than most girls in our class, I daresay), wearing a three-piece suit that clung to him so seamlessly you knew it was tailored, with a formal-looking hat atop his head, and looking like the scion of British aristocracy who’d transferred here from his swanky boarding school, nobody would have believed he was here to teach, let alone taken him seriously as a teacher. Our class was still abuzz with the whispered speculations about this “new transfer student” when the bell rang and he strode into our classroom with a self-assured air, shrugged off his hat and his coat, and wrote the four characters 中 (naka)  原   (hara) 中 (chuu) 也 (ya) cleanly on the board. His kanji penmanship was impeccable, like everything else about him, and we were still reeling from the shock of the audacity of this “student” in seizing centre stage when he tossed his head back and turned away from the blackboard to give the class a small smile. In that single instant every girl in our class literally imploded and went to heaven. When asked to recount that experience, they’d all agreed that in that instant they had felt as if they had been impregnated by the sheer force of his charming bad boy grin. Yes, he was that fucking pretty. Oh, my previous description is a bit off, by the way. We couldn’t see him clearly at first hovering at our door, so he gave off the impression of being a hottie, what with that narrow tapered waist and those legs that went on forever (the envy of the entire class). But once he entered the classroom and smiled at us, we all fell into shocked silence, because this was not just a hottie. This young man was the hottie. One can never hope to truly count how many young innocent hearts had surrendered to that smile that besieged and disarmed their every defence. Even I, even though I consider myself with a mind of steel, even I had my heart in my throat when I saw him. 

The “student” only waved his hand at us to quiet us down and call for our attention. He made a simple self-introduction, saying that he would be our physics teacher. Our class fell into shocked silence, before erupting into fifty different conversations at once. This hot young male supermodel would be teaching us physics? You had to be fucking kidding us. I’d sooner believe it if you had said he was a new transfer student, look at his clean-shaven face! 

Our class fell into a sort of uneasy hush after that. We were originally elated to have a new hot classmate, but to have said hot classmate as your teacher was a little different. Yes, he was certainly off the charts attractive, but being hot didn’t magically pay bills or teach well. For a while there had even been rumours that he’d only managed to bag this teaching job this young by doing some dirty deal with the principal, and for some time we looked down on him. He must have gotten in through some back-door, or he’d must have known someone on the School Board. Or so we thought. 

But the truth always prevails, and gives you a good knocking between the ears. The undeniable truth hit us like a sack of bricks. Nakahara-sensei was a brilliant teacher. When he taught our class for the first time, our jaws all hung slack with surprise. Who would have known such an elegant, refined man like him would have had such a lively temperament in him, and that temper and dry humour would in turn manifest in particularly interesting and engaging classes? He had none of the nervousness of a fresh-grad teacher, but was assertive, self-possessed and poised. 

Who would have thought that crappy physics equations could have been embellished like so? A simple law on force and motion led to animated retellings of Newton’s life stories from centuries ago, as Nakahara-sensei poked fun at that “friendless nerd Issac who wrote all about the laws of attraction but couldn’t attract anybody.” Every lesson was not only a physics class but a history lecture, a stand-up comedy, and a trivia game show. He could explain the hardest questions without breaking a sweat and he didn’t even stutter when the high-achieving students in the class challenged him on his solutions. The students all called him a god of physics behind his back, because when students brought up hard questions they couldn’t do in class, Nakahara-sensei would have already uttered the answer in seconds while the bookworms and math nerds were still waiting for Wolfram Alpha to load and compute the photo of the question. He did not teach wrong concepts or terminologies and he could explain questions properly and simply, in a way that everyone understood. 

It was at this point that our class realised exactly how brilliant he was. What a package! Not only did he have a face and brains like that, he even had a superb sense of humour and a great personality. Although he was quite strict and serious in class, he would always laugh at your jokes, no matter how cheesy, and return a few well-meaning jabs that made you feel appreciated, ensnaring you in his charm. He’d be smiling at you unbeknownst to himself when he did that, and it was this effortless magnetism that was the most lethal to the budding young hearts in our class. We were enraptured and spellbound by his scintillating wit; every class felt as exhilarating like a shot of a much-needed drug. We were transfixed to the point that the class next door saw him as some sort of evil cult leader.

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[leonawriter]

Smoke and Fox-Fire

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs/Mononoke

Characters: Dazai, Tanizaki, Ranpo, others mentioned/minor appearances. Background skk.

Summary: Dazai comes to a decision, Tanizaki is enlisted and then mildly traumatised, and Ranpo realises that he had made an error of judgement.

Notes: References to less than ideal childhood situations, and potential BSD manga spoilers.

(Part three of the “Not All Kitsune Have Nine Tails” ‘verse. Follows Denning Down.)

...

It was mid-afternoon, so far nothing interesting or dangerous had happened yet, and for the most part, it had been a day of normal work activity- with the only very recent addition of Dazai's more sensitive hearing picking up on more than he would have normally, and the way his tail moving around without him able to actually control it to the fine degree that he sometimes wished he could meaning that things would sometimes... wind up falling off tables. 

Things like pens, and pencils, and Kunikida's paperwork...

Anyway, Dazai was bored, and a bored Dazai was never good for the office, far more than a Dazai who simply didn't want to do his work, and part of the reason why he was bored was... it had a lot to do with how much he'd hated pushing all of the things that had made him feel less like he was trying to fit into some role he wasn't suited to play for the past- it hadn't quite been twenty years. A fair bit less. But it was long enough.

Long enough he couldn't really remember that memory he knew that both Atsushi and Chuuya had 'seen' somehow, of him as a small child. Toddling toward his mother, an indistinct person his younger self had only referred to as Mofa-Mofa, something that had had a somewhat less indistinct man laugh and try to correct him to "Mama."

"He knows what he's saying. Don't you, Osamu? Because you like soft things. And Mama is soft."

Reaching out and up to her hair, to clamber into her lap, and getting visibly annoyed when the only thing he touched was hair, and as nice as his seat was, there was no soft thing to grab at or hold onto. 

"Not as soft as he thinks, it seems. Maybe he just got attached to that ratty old sweater you were wearing for a while?"

She'd laughed, barking - a little too slow, and he'd somehow been able to hear that even then - and just said, "Maybe."

It'd been a lie, of course. He knew that now. More than that, Atsushi and Chuuya both knew all of the sordid details of childhood - had discovered them with him, all of the repressed memories of how his father had grown colder and had taken his mother for granted, of how she had left-

Too much time meant too much time to think. 

It wasn't that the memories themselves hurt, exactly. They were so old, and he could barely remember any of the people in them, even thinking of himself as that small, soft person with no hard edges and no bandages wrapped around his small limbs was an almost alien thought.

Thinking about them for too long meant thinking about what they meant, though, and although there were many thing he had let go of, that he'd had to let go of, in order to stop and break away from everything and let himself start anew, even though he knew the truth... it was one thing to know, to come to a decision and move on. Another to know what to do after that.

Perhaps, he wondered, he still held more than a little resentment. Not directed at anyone in particular, anymore. But just in general.

The Agency's clock ticked another half hour gone. 

Dazai blinked up at the ceiling from the sofa, and reassured himself with the familiar buzz of office noise and voices.

The point was - the point of it all was, that he didn't exactly enjoy going out and having to hide the fur under his skin in such a way, when it didn't want to stay under like that. It made him itch all over, like he'd wrapped his bandages on too tight, or too roughly, something catching at him all the time whenever he paid it too much mind.

The thought kept striking him, as he went to and from Chuuya's to the Agency and out again for other reasons, that even with everything hidden, someone would see him, and it wouldn't matter to them that they shouldn't be able to - someone from outside of the Agency or even the mafia who wasn't a spirit or demon themself would see, they would notice something off. He'd say something wrong. A stumble on the pavement. His heart would hammer in his chest.

He'd never felt so uneasy with the thought of being seen before, and he wasn't so bothered about it when he was in the Agency or Chuuya's place, so what was it that was so different? Other than the sheer amount of people, of course. And people he didn't know. People who would just look at him, and judge him.

It felt like having a loose bandage somewhere on his arm, or his neck, which he hadn't been able to fix and that at any moment, might unravel further than he could handle, but he was always a little too far from somewhere private enough to fix it.

...

"Ta-ni-za-ki-kun...."

He jumps maybe a foot in the air from where he'd been sitting at his desk, or it feels that way, and it shows by the amount of strange, unrelated letters and words that had just appeared on the report he'd been working on for the simple recon mission he'd been sent on yesterday. 

It wasn't unsalvageable. At least he hadn't already pressed send.

"Uh... Dazai-san?" 

It wasn't as if he's not used to Dazai's antics. He is. He's just not so used to them being aimed at him - Kunikida, yes, and Atsushi now too, but up until now he'd somehow managed to not get hit with the worst of it.

Perhaps this was only happening because Kunikida and Atsushi were outside, and from the sounds of things working on Atsushi's training.

And now his ex-mafia coworker is staring at him with wide eyes and a too-wide smile on his face for it to mean anything good, and those new ears of his are pointed upright at attention on the top of his head. Which would be more unnerving if it wasn't the second day of it, and he hadn't already seen Atsushi transform often enough to almost become used to human beings with animal features.

...Well. Mostly human, in Dazai's case. Which was also going to take some getting used to.

"You see Tanizaki-kun, I have a problem and I was starting to realise that you might be the only one I can go to who might be able to help me with this problem. You will help me, won't you?"

He found himself staring. Dazai didn't move. He only blinked.

"I, uh... are you sure I'm the only who can help you? I mean, there's everyone else, and-"

"Nooo.... no, see, it absolutely has to be you. I mean, as far as I'm aware, you're the only one I know who uses illusions. So it has to be you."

"Uh-" For a moment, his mind blanks out. But that's when one of Dazai's new ears twitches, and he starts to get a sinking feeling. "No... no. No, I'm not just following you around all the time so you can go out like that in public. It'd fail the moment I bumped into you anyway, so it'd definitely not work at all."

He gets the feeling that he's either said the wrong thing or there's something he hadn't thought of, because Dazai isn't smiling as much anymore, but hopefully if he's realised how this won't work he'll leave him alone and then he can just get on with his work.

"You misunderstand," Dazai says, sounding far too serious for someone several years older than him who's still crouching on the floor so that his head's just barely looking over the top of his desk. "I wasn't asking for you to use your ability. What I was after was a... second opinion, of sorts. I wanted to know how you use it."

"You- okay?"

"I need to know. Because of reasons."

"Don't you already know how my ability works, though...?"

And now he didn't just look serious, or frowning, he looks downright frustrated, and he doesn't even know what he's said wrong.

"If you want to say something, just come out and say it, Dazai."

Ranpo's voice comes loud and clear over the noise and distance of the office between them.

Ranpo, who doesn't seem all that surprised, or at all bothered, by what was going on. Which at least eased up the pressure of the idea that whatever was going on, it was another imminent disaster or emergency.

Dazai hesitated, and then stood up, which now meant that instead of looking across his desk to meet his eyes, Junichiro needed to look up given he was still sitting down. His hands were in his coat's pockets and his expression wasn't really giving all that much away, but something about the tail and ears moving - even if he didn't know all that much about animal body language, or fox behaviour for that matter - suggested that he was agitated. Which wasn't saying much, but when it was Dazai, and he wouldn't have known that if he couldn't see the fur move...

"What I've been trying to say is, I'm not asking for the sake of learning about your ability. I already know as much as I need to know about that. What I'm asking for is... I need to be able to learn more about how to control my own illusions. I thought that asking you would help."

For a moment, he didn't say anything, because he didn't know what to say-

"But you don't have an illusion-based ability?"

"Do the changes to my body look like the result of an ability to you, Tanizaki-kun?"

"W-well, when you say it like that- not... not really... no? I just. It's strange to think of you having that kind of ability- uh... is that even the right kind of term for something like this?" He sighed, and saved his work. Kunikida was going to be annoyed about the drop in productivity but... "Hang on, I'm guessing if this isn't an ability, that means the Director's doesn't work on it, right?"

"Nope." It was kind of unnerving, the way that while he glanced over to see Ranpo looking in their direction, Dazai didn't move at all. Actually, no, that wasn't true - a part of him did move. A single ear. "Youkai magic doesn't run on the same rules. Because of that, Dazai might be hit by magic that he'd have automatically nullified if it was an ability." Which wasn't worrying or anything at all, clearly. And reminds him of what they'd been told about Lovecraft. Which made remembering what he'd managed to do feel like some sort of small miracle. "Which is both good and bad. But right now, the important thing is that no, the Director's ability doesn't work on it, so if Dazai wants to take control back..."

...He'll have to learn it the same way everyone else does, if they aren't in the Agency, Tanizaki finished. 

"I guess that does make sense," he admits. 

"So... how did you first get Light Snow under control? Unless-"

A sudden warmth from behind is all of the warning he gets before he feels familiar arms wrap around his front, and Naomi's speaking from right beside his ear.

"No, nii-sama did have some control back then, didn't you~?"

His mind goes blank against his will as the memories come to him, and it's only partly because he still really wishes that she'd stop acting like that and making a scene in public-

It's like how when Atsushi had brought up their entrance exams. He could still barely remember his other than the sheer terror and adrenaline that had kept him going. He'd prefer not to remember, if that was an option. He'd really like not to.

"I, uh," his brain stutters back to being able to function, which is harder than it should be with Naomi still clinging onto him. "That's- how about, we just go with, um- something simple. Like, what your upper and lower limits are."

Dazai blinks at him.

He gets the unnerving feeling that he's just broadcast everything he'd just been thinking about and not meant to outright say without having needed to say anything. For once, he doesn't mind Naomi's public clinging, because it gives him that slight feeling of support that he really needed. Even if he did wish she wouldn't-

"Okay. I think that I can safely say that I know what my upper limits are... but I really need to figure out how to do anything smaller than that."

"I... okay? Okay. So. What... is that, exactly?" What's making this awkward is that he's really starting to wish that Dazai had been able to go to, say, Kunikida about this. At least he had experience knowing how to teach people! Meanwhile, he just had experience being anxious and not knowing what to do, unless it meant infiltration and covert ops, which was exactly why the Port Mafia's boss had singled him out from everyone at the Agency to do some sort of exchange program thing at some unspecified time- he had no idea what he was doing, or where to start. "I mean, are those upper limits big, or is it, something we're going to need to work on later as well?"

"My upper limits get people hurt, they don't need improving-"

"Kitsune illusions aren't hard light, Dazai," Ranpo says, cutting across the conversation and whatever Junichiro himself might have been about to say, and he sounds annoyed, frustrated. It's his 'people are being stupid' voice. "They just show people things that aren't there! Don't talk tough when all you can do is-"

"Allow me to correct myself, then," Dazai says, and all of a sudden Junichiro is wishing he was somewhere else, anywhere else. And, mostly, that Dazai wasn't using that tone of voice on another member of the Agency like that. "My upper limits have hurt people. Is that enough?"

"But it's impossible."

Dazai seems to just... stare, unreadable, while their best detective calms down. What was strange was that he knew perfectly well how destructive illusions could be - he'd done things he wouldn't normally even consider, when people had threatened Naomi, endangering lives easily, even. But Ranpo and Dazai were talking about kitsune illusions like they were something entirely different.

"...I'm sure that if you asked," Dazai said, the words sounding heavy and weighted, "about what happened the other day... then Kunikida-kun would say otherwise."

Junichiro had seen and heard things the other day that had told him as much, but if he hadn't believed it then, the odd noise that somehow came out of Ranpo when Dazai said that confirmed that there was definitely something up with him as well. He had to wonder if maybe he was showing it more because now it wasn't just him, but Dazai, and everyone else, so he felt more comfortable about it.

Part of him hoped that was the case, at least.

He feels Naomi hold him tighter, and the fact that her hands had stopped wandering a while back says a lot about how she just wants to have someone to hold onto as well, right now.

"...Inari bless you," he hears Ranpo say, quietly enough that if he hadn't been straining his ears to hear it, he thinks he probably wouldn't have. "That was you. You were- I mean, of course it was you, but I just- thought that-"

"Does any of that even matter? All that matters right now is me figuring out how to get a hold of and control what I can do now."

"From... scratch."

I was wrong, Junichiro admits to himself in the privacy of his own mind, watching the exchange in front of him, Dazai slipping back into his mafia game face isn't the scariest thing in the world. 

The scariest thing in the world is Ranpo looking like he hasn't got a clue what's going on anymore.

...

Inari bless you is what keeps circling around in Ranpo's head, even through the rest of what he's saying, the rest of what Dazai's saying, even though he knows the others are watching.

Somehow, the fact that it had been Dazai who'd been the second mononoke, who'd come into work the next day small and red and fluffy and acting like everything was new, had caught him off guard. Because it was Dazai, who was one of his few equals in terms of intellect and smarts in not just the Agency, but anywhere. 

Because it was Dazai, he'd just assumed without even thinking, that he'd just... forgotten everything, somehow. 

With a mononoke that strong, it would have made sense if Dazai were older. And if he was just as young as he said he was, then to have become as powerful that quickly made sense too, because it was Dazai.

But there were two different ways a mononoke could be created.

One was the most common way - a spirit got mixed up with a human, or human emotions, and when everything got intense enough, usually because of grief or anger or confusion or hate or just needing things to be sorted out right, a mononoke would be born. Drawing people in and destroying them. Things that weren't supposed to exist, and that had to be exorcised.

The other way... was by the spirit and human sides of the equation being mixed up right from the start. Both more stable, but also a potential ticking time bomb if things really went wrong-

Hanyou. Half-human kids. 

They weren't exactly unheard of, they weren't discriminated against or anything. They were just... rare. Because things went wrong. Because humans could be cruel, and petty, and just as fickle with their attentions as they thought cats were. People got hurt, and... the kids usually got caught in the crossfire.

Usually it wasn't too bad. Usually they could handle things, found their own place in the world, settled down either on one side or the other, or found a decent middle ground.

Dazai, though - if this was true, then Dazai was the worst case scenario, where none of that happened and they never did, and it- explained too much. About everything.

Dazai wasn't just young, he was practically a kit still, by normal adult kitsune standards, but by human standards he was already an adult. Not one thing or the other. Having somehow never learned anything.

"All right," Ranpo said, "how about we start off slow, then? Basics. I'm nekomata, not kitsune, but I'm not stupid, I do know some things you should be capable of. Other than the shapeshifting."

"But I want control," Dazai said, somehow sounding like he was whining even when he was almost completely blank-faced. "Not to learn how to do more."

"This is control. Most of what you should be able to do is going to come naturally to you at some point, so it's better you learn now, rather than have it all blow up in your face."

Again, he holds back from saying.

He knows he isn't good at reading when things are rude or not when talking with people, but Dazai's like an adult cat who's forgotten how to use his claws. Or what his whiskers do.

Which isn't even exactly right, because as a hanyou, Dazai probably hadn't ever even learned in the first place to be able to forget.

He sighed, when Dazai still wasn't doing anything.

"Hey, Tanizaki - you don't think about using your ability, right? Like, it's got to be activated on purpose, but it's like Kunikida's, you just do it."

"Uh- yeah, I... I think that's pretty much how it works? I just-"

"Right," he continued, now that the important things had all been said, "so just - stop thinking about how and starting thinking of... I don't know, what's the smallest and most simple thing you can think of, Dazai?"

For a moment, no response. Which was starting to get more than a bit frustrating, because it wasn't like he was asking much-

And now Dazai was probably thinking he was being subtle, which he wasn't. 

As subtle as a kit with a crush pulling that person's tail, Ranpo thinks snidely, but doesn't say. Then again, Poe was an adult human and he was just as clueless about how these things went. Not to mention how long Yosano had been trying to drag Kunikida into loosening up, and... well. It wasn't like it was anything out of the ordinary, he supposed, but what it was, was frustrating to watch. Even Poe's cluelessness got frustrating at times, as cute as it was.

"Come on, Dazai, you can think of something, we haven't got all day, you know..."

He just hoped that mentioning something small didn't get them a miniature - if illusionary - mafia executive in the offices.

"Uh, Ranpo-san, do you really think it's a good idea to push him like that, I mean- if-"

"Psh- Dazai only knows what he can do under pressure." He rolled his eyes, and then looked back at Dazai. "You're not going to get anything done if you think it's a great idea to put a mental block on things just because you think you're suddenly dangerous just because you blew up one time. So stop making a firestorm of a little fox-fire."

He stares for a moment longer, just long enough to smugly catch the slight expression of shock on the former mafioso's face, and turned away again, reaching back into the open bag of sweets he'd mixed up earlier.

He's already started to lose track of how many he's chewed on by the time he hears footsteps outside near the door - that could only be Kunikida and an exhausted and frustrated Atsushi, back from their training session - and already starting to wonder how long it's going to be before he gets any more good cases, his hand reaching back for another one, when-

"Dazai." Kunikida's voice was level and quiet, which on anyone else was probably supposed to be giving the impression they were keeping their cool, but on Kunikida... "Why is there fire floating over your paperwork?"

He blinked.

The snack still in his hand, he twisted so that he could turn to see, and there Dazai was, staring at the pile, which certainly looked like it was only a moment away from being set on fire.

"I can't touch it," Dazai was saying, dramatically serious. "If I touch it, then it's going to turn real, and then it really will burn all my paperwork. And my desk. Which would be awful. Wouldn't you agree, Kunikida-kun? So as you can see, there's absolutely no way I can do any of it."

Kunikida stared at the fox-fire with the intensity of someone who really didn't know what was going on, whose brain had already come close to breaking just the previous day. 

Slowly, he turned away from Dazai's desk, eyes wide like he was questioning all of his life choices at once.

"Is... is that true?"

Tanizaki just shrugged awkwardly. Kenji was staring, but seemed more entranced with the idea that it was possible than anything. Atsushi seemed like he was the only one who wasn't really sure what to believe, which made sense, given he was one of the only other youkai in the office.

Ranpo just grinned, and purposefully put the snack into his mouth.

"How should I know? It's Dazai, isn't it?"

Of course he knew the fire was just fake. It was the same stuff foxes in the forests used to both mess around with humans and to lead them back on track. But he couldn't just lead everyone around by the hand. For one thing, they had to figure things out for themselves, there had to be at least some things they could do without him - and for another thing, things would just be boring if he did.

...

AN: "Mama" is a common way for young children to call their mother, as much as "Haha-ue" and "Kaa-san". 

"Mofu-mofu", meanwhile, is the Japanese onomatopoeia for "soft", and "fluffy". 

Baby Dazai was basically mixing the two up and calling her "Muffy" or something like that - because his mama was fluffy, of course.

My first experience with hanyou was Inuyasha, but the way it was handled (only human on a new moon) annoyed me a lot, and I feel wasn't a good portrayal of a half-human character, so... this is more a mix of other things I've seen since then.

[damagedintellect]

Dazai Osamu x reader

💌 Reading into the palms of isekai bullshit:

Chapter 5 💌  

Summary: You were no stranger to isekai bullshit. It’s not like you had a problem with it. The genre took over the anime scene for years now but you try to stay away from thinking about how you would handle the situation. The last time you thought about inserting yourself into your favorite show you wrote a 100k word xReader fic for your favorite characters and you didn’t want to spend all your time consumed by the brainrot again. Never again, you promised yourself that was the last time you’d let the devil on your shoulder win. You clicked on chapter 1 to start the adventure over again but when you opened your eyes and saw Dazai O-FUCKING-samu getting choked by Kunikida you honestly hoped it was a dream.  

Notes: Another isekai so I can play around with BSD like dolls.  

💌 Word count: 2,522 💌 <= Previous Chapter | Next Chapter =>

As expected, neither of you would bring it up once Dazai did make his return and it wouldn’t be until Kunikida received the call from the president that you'd be relevant again. Which is fine you needed the break anyhow. Keeping up with Dazai had been easy at the beginning but now that things have progressed you don’t know what to make of it. It could be the fact that before you didn’t believe in the possibilities thinking that eventually you’d wake up and this would have been a silly little thing your brain created one night. As the days flew by and especially with last night's date things became very real. You were brought out of your thoughts when the phone rang and despite not being able to hear the other side of the conversation you remembered the gist of the exchange.

“All operatives are to leave company offices and gather at the former facility”

Kunikida stopped what he was working on and looked over to who was currently around. “Do you mean your previous headquarters before you founded the agency”

“Only a select few know of that location so we should be safe. We risk being overwhelmed by superior numbers otherwise. Hold on I have visitors”

“Sir, what’s going on? Sir?” His voice wasn’t that concerned at all but you could visibly see the panic as Atsushi entered the room. “What’s wrong?” Atsushi questioned putting the boxes down.

“Something happened with the president. Ambushed maybe.” Kunikida was still very nonchalant in his demeanor. “We should go and help then-”

“I’m sure he’s fine. More importantly-”

“How can you be so calm at a time like this!”

Kunikida sighed “Try and grab hold of my hand, you’ll see why” Atsushi looked at his hand, reaching out but he was already on the floor “That was the first technique he passed down to me. I’ve never won a single match against him. He’s not going to lose against a handful of mediocre hitmen”

Kunikida then made arrangements for everyone to meet at the former facility. You were all waiting around before the president made his entrance “Listen up, the port mafia seeks to eradicate the agency. The guild seeks to usurp the agency. We must do all we can to protect ourselves from both of these foes. Dazai please continue” You were getting excited counting down the minutes for a certain slug to make an appearance. It would probably be the only time you saw Dazai’s counterpart.

“You got it~” He winked at you before addressing the rest of the room. “The guild has substantial financial assets and the port mafia has the benefit of numbers, so we’ll split into defensive and offensive teams and engage them in gorilla warfare. The primary goal for the defensive team is to make sure doctor Yosano is protected. As long as we don’t die outright, her healing ability can cure our injuries.”  Dazai took a pause pointing out the defensive team that consisted of you, Fukuzawa, Ranpo, Yosano, and Kenji. “The offensive team will split into two sections and will surprise the enemy using Junichiro’s mirage ability and my nullification ability. The crux of our strategy is to keep our base of operations hidden. If our enemies hit us here with everything they’ve got our defenses will never hold” he punctuated his speech with a smile. Fukuzawa made the last declaration before everyone dispersed. “Of the three organizations only one of us can survive. Our only option left is to fight. A three way war, a war of the gifted!”

Then you were left to your own devices. You spent the first part of your writing out the details of what would happen just in case Ranpo was serious about you telling him what happens next. You never know with Ranpo. As he finished more and more of his snacks you tried to hand it off to him. He nodded at you acknowledging you did your part but he didn’t open it yet. Maybe he was testing if you were telling the truth or if anything has changed since causing butterfly effects were always a concern in the back of your mind. 

“Man, I’m so bored! I wanna go outside.” Ranpo whined in the president’s direction. Fukuzawa was reading while he put black and white pieces on a board. You think he’s playing “Go” but you thought it was a two player game. “Any suspicious activity?”

Yosano sighed “A bunch of nothing followed by more nothing” It’s been like this for hours now.

“Luckily the only way to enter this hall is through that underground railroad tunnel. Even if an enemy does try to invade our location our security cameras will warn us well in advance.”

“We set up a fair amount of traps on the way as well.” Yosano added just before Ranpo shouted “War is so boring! I’m already out of snacks after just half a day. I know hey Akiko let’s play hanafuda online!”

She had stars in her eyes at the offer. “Okay how much do you wanna bet?

Ranpo went quiet, opening his eyes causing you to perk up from your relaxed position. Chuuya must have finally shown up on some of the cameras. Yosano blinked at Ranpo’s suddenly serious demeanor “What’s the matter?” You leaned over his shoulder to see everyone’s favorite sad boy. "Let me guess they sent the short redhead with the tacky hat?"

“I think we should call back the defensive teams.” Ranpo put his hat back on, peering towards the president who grunted standing up from his seat. “An attack, in your estimation how many are there?”

“One.”

Chuuya casually strolled through the tunnel disconnecting cameras and destroying turrets “I’ll cut to the chase, we could do this the easy way or we could do this the hard way.” He phased out some more cameras for emphasis “I’ve come to trade information. My boss has a special gift for you if I get to have a little chat with (Y/N).” Ranpo immediately turned to you as you froze. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Why does Chuuya know your name, unless, did Dazai actually tell him you said hi? Did he really set you up again! You groaned at the very realistic possibility, rubbing your face with your hand. You were going to strangle him the next time you saw him. You gave Ranpo and the president a reassuring look that you were fine with it. Chuuya held up the picture of Lovecraft and Steinbeck letting everyone get a good look at them “Those men are they members of the guild?”

“That’s right we reeled them in with bait. Here’s the time and location they’ll appear. You don’t get many chances like this do you? You can finally get one over on that lousy guild”

Fukuzawa was mulling it over but before he could ask any questions you growled. You decided to move things along “The mafia used Haruno and Naomi as bait, the guild has no idea it’s a set up and the mafia doesn’t have to do anything but sit and watch. Ranpo can confirm but we can’t waste too much time.” You stood up trying to figure out what your next course of action should be. This was interesting.

Fukuzawa turned to Ranpo as the detective grit his teeth “It is, unfortunately.” The president nodded at you to go have your chat before Chuuya changed his mind on being peaceful. You stopped halfway out the door, a thought occurred to you. “In the event I get kidnapped, don't go after me. I’ll be returned unharmed.” At least you hoped, whether or not they took your word you’d have no idea. Yosano and Kenji stepped back letting you confront Chuuya head on. “I take it you heard about me from the mackerel?” You hoped that neither of your colleagues knew Dazai by that moniker. Chuuya’s eyes had a glint in them. “All you have to do is see my hands right?” He looked over your shoulder as Yosano held her guarded stance ready to strike if needed.

 “We’ll see what I can do with this lighting but yeah that’s the gist of it.”

Slowly Chuuya pulled each finger out of the glove as you approached but the moment you touched his hand just as you expected he threw you over his shoulder with ease. He kicked off the ground avoiding the attacks from behind you. “Don’t worry I’ll return her to you eventually.” He shouted as he bolted out of the tunnel. You huffed “Why am I not surprised?”

“Most people would be terrified to be kidnapped by a port mafia executive, just how much do you know about me?” You shifted in his arms but he gripped you tighter. Obviously there was no point in trying to struggle but you wanted to see his face. “More than you’d want me too. Can you at least princess carry me or let me ride on your back so I can see your hands? I'd prefer to be back as soon as possible.” Once you made it out of the tunnel he set you down “What are you going on about?” 

“I wasn’t sure how far away you were going to take me. I would prefer not to worry my comrades further. Thank you very much.” You grabbed his hands pretending to look them over when you remembered a small detail from the stormbringer light novel and stage play. You focused on Chuuya’s right hand looking at his wrist seeing the pencil scar. Clones are only made of the same genetic materials but any scars or tattoos wouldn’t be copied over even if “N” said there would be no way to prove it, this could be good enough to sway Chuuya. First though you wanted to do something else. You looked back up at him affectionately squeezing his hand as you pulled him into a hug.

“What are you doing?” he was stiff, more confused if this was how your talent worked. Once you nuzzled into him he started trying to push you off. “Compensation for the minor kidnapping but also after seeing what I saw holyshit, you need this more than I do.” He continued to put up a fight “Enough already!” 

Pouting you sighed “Fine, fine I’ll talk. You want to know if I could see whether or not you’re human, yes? Although you have no reason to believe me nor do I have any reason to tell you the truth, I do know the answer but you’ll have to do something for me in return for the honest truth. Seem fair?” You have no idea what the hell Dazai even told Chuuya but maybe you could have this work out in your favor. “Depends on what it is, I’m not going to agree without knowing what I’m getting myself into.” He grumbled but you but there was a slight interest in his expression, you could work with that.

“Do you wanna help me mess with Dazai?”

He paused for a second letting your offer sink in. “Hah?”

“Well, you see we’ve been playing a game and I don’t plan on losing anytime soon. I’ll need your phone number and a picture of us kissing so that when things settle down I can leave my phone near Dazai, have you call it and hopefully Dazai being Dazai he’ll snoop through my phone and see it.”

You could see the gears turning in his head as a wicked smirk overtook his features “I like where you’re going but I don’t think you’ll get the reaction you're looking for. Lucky for you I have a better idea.” He chuckled darkly to himself like he’s been waiting for this kind of opportunity for a while. 

“So are you in?” You put your hand out to shake on it. He immediately took your hand. “I would have done this for free, too bad I won’t be able to see the bastard when it happens.”

“Good, now I’ll get to the point. You’re the original, but you really didn’t need me to tell you that you have humanity gushing from your pores but if you do need proof,” You grabbed his arm tracing the mark “That’s no birthmark, that’s pencil lead from before you were taken to the lab. If you were a clone only your genetic material from your birth would be copied bottom line is you wouldn’t have this mark. N lied to you because he wanted you to give up Arahabaki.” 

Chuuya didn’t seem that flabbergasted. He might have already come to terms with his humanity since he’s never truly needed to know the answer. Maybe this was just closure for the flag’s honor. Almost like a debt he needed to repay. It’s sad to say that Chuuya puts himself so low on the priority pyramid. It was extremely faint but you could see the hint of a smile on his lips as he glanced up to the sky taking a deep breath.

“For my end of the bargain you’re just going to have to trust me.” He started putting his gloves back on offering you his hand when he was finished. “But of course! An enemy of an enemy is thy friend.” 

Your squad would have to wait a little longer for your return. It’s not like they needed you at the moment. Chuuya ended up taking you to his apartment. It was spacious and astonishingly well kept. You whistled “Nice place. So what’re we doing?” He led you into the bedroom and started undressing. You blinked, um what the fuck was going on. You were starting to regret asking him for help. Chuuya still had his pants on, thank god, but he even discarded his choker. What the fuck were you guys doing? He shuffled the bedding a little bit while he spoke. “We’re gonna one up your idea. Take your shirt off, you can leave the bra on just hide the straps that will really send it home.”

Oh you see what he was doing now. You spend no time removing your clothes getting under the covers with him. This was a much better idea. He pulled you close, fluffing your hair to make it messier. “Okay now pretend to be asleep.” You did as you were told and let him take the picture. He ended up taking a few and you both decided on which one looked more scandals. It really looked like the morning after adult festivities. Once you were satisfied you set it as Chuuya’s contact photo. You had him call you for good measure to make sure that it popped up on the screen. It was perfect. You both snickered when the trap was ready. Now all you had to do was wait. You were prepared for the long con. Afterwards, like he promised, he returned you to the agency where Ranpo gave you an ear full. He had finally read your note. You are going to have to be more careful from now on.

[aja154ever]

BSD Stage: Dark Era

I’ve been wanting to write a report aka feelings post about this stage play, but for days I wasn’t able to compose my words (and myself). I’m glad I found this review by our beloved @looking-for-stray-dogs and now please excuse me as I add my own thoughts (while trying my best to be coherent) on this. I encourage you to read her post first because more details about the play are written there!

Under the cut for spoilers! All photos are from official accounts

Stage is indeed a different platform and more than any of the adaptations - light novel, anime - this medium is the one that felt the most alive. Well literally ofc, but you know, you just feel the fact that... they are there. Odasaku, Ango, teen Dazai. In 3D human forms, breathing, hurting, falling apart inside... dying.

I was not near enough to see their facial expressions very very clearly, except for the scenes when they were very near the edge of the stage. So what hit me the most was the emotion in their voices - which I happen to be very particular with since I am a voice actor fan.

I liked that Odasaku here is more emotional than the one in anime. 

His smiles. Oh my gosh. How much he enjoyed playing with the kids.

His voice. How it cracks more and more as he pats the head of each kid when he was saying good night to them. It was totally breaking when he was down to the last one, Sakura, which was akin to how our hearts have broken, too.

And yes, when Dazai was stopping him from going, Odasaku’s voice was cracking when he told Dazai that he wanted to be a novelist. I really felt how much he wanted it, but there was no way it could ever come true at that point. He was not just grieving for the kids; Odasaku was grieving for himself, too.

Ango. I don’t know what is it but Araki-san’s portrayal made me like Ango even more. He did indeed betray his friends, but he.was.very.much.hurting.too. I deeply appreciated that they included that epilogue scene in the novel when Ango was looking at the picture of the three of them together.

Mori. Yes! His voice was indeed very fitting and there were even times when he almost sounded like Miyamoto-san (anime VA). At some parts though, Mori and Elise’s appearance was somewhat distracting esp when I could’ve preferred to focus on the scene that was not about them. Like, Mori’s appearance is fine but Elise doing all the same grumpy reactions in the background was kinda off for me.

Music insert. Oh gosh. I couldn’t listen to Kaze ga Fuku Machi days after the play because the feels were too much for me to take in. This is my favorite BSD song, and the song’s lyrics are engraved in my heart and wow oh my gosh, I was not prepared that they suddenly played it during that scene. It was *heavy breathing* when Odasaku screamed after the kids exploded. And suddenly, I couldn’t see the stage anymore... for my eyes were filled with tears. I can’t compare Taniguchi-san (stage actor) and Suwabe-san’s (anime VA) screams during that scene, both are heart-crushing no matter what, but hearing it live on stage really pierced through my heart.

Reason Living. This is my second favorite BSD song, but as opposed to the previous one, I somewhat didn’t like where this song was inserted in the play. It was right after Odasaku died. The song was too lively and loud for that moment. Maybe nothing can replace Kaze ga Fuku Machi for me in this scene, but maybe it wouldn’t sound fit if they repeat the same song after using it in the screaming scene.

Dazai. *sighs* Where do I even start? I think I was one of the first people who shed tears during the play, and it was because of Dazai. It was just from their first scene, when Dazai was telling Odasaku about the stories of how he got his injuries. I know, that’s not a scene where anyone is supposed to cry, but gosh. Tawada Hideya’s acting. Contrary to Lea’s opinion that the Dazai in this stage is flirty, the message that came across to me is that this stage showed how much of a child Dazai Osamu was back then. The way he freely acts when he’s together with his friends in contrast to the demon prodigy of the Port Mafia. Sometimes we look at Mafia Dazai but forget that despite their experiences in the past, he was still young. And Odasaku understood that way before and way deeper than anyone else. 

I really liked that they included that precious line in the light novel when Odasaku was talking to Gide, “That guy was just a child who’s too smart. Just a crying child who’s been left alone in the darkness, a world of nothingness far emptier than the world can see.” (translation by nkhrchy.tumblr)

This was my tweet after watching the stage play:

On the other hand, I have a very huge bias towards Miyano Mamoru as Dazai’s voice actor. While Hideyan did touch me in many scenes on his portrayal of teen Dazai, there were lines when I found them lacking. As Lea had mentioned, one of that was the scene when Dazai was begging the Mimic soldier to shoot him. He did yell, “PLEASE”, too strongly and loudly, I think, intending to drown Odasaku’s voice of stopping him. However I also thought that a soft, begging one would be more appropriate.

Another one is when Dazai told Mori that the reason he is going is that, “He is a friend.” I think the anime was more emotional in this one esp with the close-up of the peaceful look on Dazai’s face, and the silent pause.

Lastly, the Odasaku dying scene (ouch, how do we call that). Miyano Mamoru’s desperate but helpless trembling voice in that scene is imprinted in my heart and my ears - when I say I have it memorized, I mean it. Most probably because of this post (please listen to it with earphones): Odasaku’s Final Moments. So I’m sorry but I really couldn’t help but compare it so somehow, Hideyan’s acting in that scene didn’t give me as much feels as the anime did. However, seeing the light novel scene of Dazai lighting up Odasaku’s cigarette in that scene, then the anime scene of Dazai’s bandages getting pulled off, and lastly the scene fading out to Odasaku passing away on his friend’s lap with Dazai tilting his head up silently after - which then showed us his pained expression - was a good seal to the scene. I couldn’t ask for more. Oh.my.gosh.stop

And ofc, the final scene which Asagiri-sensei thoughtfully added. Dazai was back in Bar Lupin, in his ADA clothes, happily saying, “Odasaku, I found it! A job that saves people.” Odasaku appears, and Dazai continues... “Are you happy for me?” Odasaku doesn’t utter a single word, but smiles and pats Dazai on the head, and leaves.

This is giving me a thousand feels because I know, I can feel it, let me say it.

Dazai, Odasaku is very proud of and very happy for you.

This is just for me, but Odasaku saying nothing, but just pats his head while smiling? It’s giving me the feels that - at least one of Odasaku’s orphans made it.

*screams*

.

.

*inhales*

*picks up myself*

*exhales*

Over-all, it was definitely a very beautiful adaptation of the light novel. Lea has already pointed out a lot of things in her post above so I also didn’t mention the other details in this post. Can’t really say that it’s perfect, but the stage play adaptation was more than satisfying and really made me love BSD and Asagiri-sensei MORE.

Lastly, I leave you with this tweet...