#Obi-Wan has a big dick is all I’m saying

[sapphicsparkles]

Sleepy obikin sketch

See the full version on my Twitter @ sapphicsparkles

[palfriendpatine66]

Writing Obi-Wan I got an amazing ask that has prompted your Pal to go on several rants so I’m breaking it into parts for readability.

An anon new to writing fanfic asked about characterizing Obi-Wan. They asked about his most important traits to include to really nail his characterization and most importantly:

"In particular, I'm confused about reconciling the (chaotic, dramatic, 10/10) Clone Wars happenings with the way he appears in some other stories (more, well, civilized)."

Well anon: ask and you shall receive. Find your pal’s beginner's thesis below, keeping in mind that there are many others in the fandom who are way more accomplished authors who are much better about characterization in their own works and are way more qualified to speak to this. I'm going to do my best!

I love this ask! Characterization is so important in fan fic as we take familiar characters in place them into different scenarios that we haven’t seen how they react and respond to, and yet want it to feel authentic. The best is when you read a chapter and think of course that’s how Obi-Wan would deal with this.

The first part to nailing characterization is voice. Not even the motivation aspects behind “he would not fucking say that” but I literally ask myself: can I imagine the character’s voice actually saying these things? If I can’t hear Ewan McGregor’s Obi-Wan in my mind speaking the lines of dialogue I’ve written, I know it’s not right. This isn’t something specific I could give you a How To on, it’s 100% based on vibe and feel, BUT. Listen to the dialogue in the movies/tcw/kenobi series. The words he uses, his cadence, his tone. Even if he's being written in an alternate universe speaking about something that canon Obi-Wan has never experienced, and never will, it should still *sound* like him. If I had to summarize his voice: civilized yes, and more mature or refined than Anakin’s speech patterns, but with the ever present threat of sass. Underlying almost everything he says is a sense of I can and will destroy you if you piss me off, so tread lightly.

That brings me to your point of reconciling the different parts of Obi-Wan. There’s a line in Stover’s novelization of Revenge of the Sith which (I'm paraphrasing) says: he’s a Jedi Master who deep down still feels like a padawan. To me, this is why he can be the cool, calm logical Jedi Master one moment and then impulsively launching himself out of windows to hang from a speeding droid the next.

He is the expert of Fake it Till You Make It. He was suddenly thrust into all these roles of responsibility before he was prepared for them, but has taken them on and is Doing His Best. He literally went from being a padawan to having a padawan overnight. He had no time to experience being responsible for himself before he was responsible for someone else. He’s the youngest member on the council and despite, you know, not being trained in the military he is like The Highest Ranking Jedi and in command of a frighteningly huge portion of the GAR. He *is* incredibly competent and good at what he does, but he feels like its a role he's acting. He is playing the part of the wise Jedi, modeling himself after everyone he respects and looks up to and thinks is doing a better job than himself, when a lot of times his personal instinct isn't to react with measured patience but rather Yeet! or Read This Bitch!

Always remember: this man contains multitudes. There is no One Right take on his personality. That’s why he’s so fun to write! And also why there’s so many different versions of Obi-Wan in fan fic, and yet most are able to feel right if they hit the voice. Authors lean into the different sides of Obi-Wan they want to bring out. Some are more into his Big Dick Energy, being a BAMF, having the answers, and being in control General Kenobi. Some relate to the more the anxious padawan desperate to prove himself. Some see the man tossing back shots in the Outlander and think to themselves “this ho has slept with half of Coruscant”. Any and all of these can feel true to the character when done from a place of love and understanding for our main man Obi-Wan Kenobi

[obiwan]

more new obikin recs pleaseeee <3

Okay this has been stewing in my inbox for a while and I think I have enough new ones. I know the last one requested the last three months and I don't want a re-do, so I'm going to do a mixture of old and new faves.

✰ (Explicit, A/B/O, Complete) Molten by @zimriya

“Was Ben my omega father?” Luke asks.

The cavernous void that is Darth Vader’s heart demands that he swallow the boy whole. “Why does it matter?” he says. “Your other father clearly never wanted you. He gave you up the minute you were born.”

One truth; one lie.

This is a continuation to a past rec., Igneous. It's still canon compliant, it's basically the rest of the story. I'd say you should give these a read even if you're not usually into a/b/o, because it doesn't really linger on the whole a/b/o usual squicks people have, and it is so beautifully done. It also has a little epilogue piece which (in my opinion) has the funniest star wars imagery. I truly recommend reading these if you love canon compliant obikin.

✰(Explicit, WIP) stars to fill my dream by hidden_humours

Given a second chance, Anakin Skywalker awakes from death--into a different world than the one that made him.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, a lost young padawan still finding his way, becomes apprenticed to a living legend who doesn't seem all there...

I know reverse!padawan isn't everyone's jam, but it is mine, so you get it recced. I'm really obsessed with this story (and this author, I like the way they write slightly unhinged Anakin, they have a little one shot if you don't want to read wips, I recommend checking it out) Please note that in this story, Anakin is a bit creepy so keep that in mind.

✰ (Explicit, Complete) Sanctifica Mē by @theseptemberist

Father Obi-Wan Kenobi has never desired anything more than to guide and serve his flock. He's content with his simple life—or he would be, if not for one confessor who returns again and again, pouring sickening stories into his ear, sinful and bloody. It's unbearable, but he can't bring himself to turn away. At least, not until he finally understands.

What does Anakin Skywalker truly want from him?

I know people complain about reccing popular authors but! 1)there are always new people in the fandom, and 2)there might be people who have missed it! Hooooly shit so this is *the* yandere!anakin priest fic. It’s *so* good, as always mind the tags, but hhhhhhhhhhhh priest!obi-wan. l always keep coming back to this one, if only for the writing alone (and nothing else *cough*)

✰ (Explicit, Completed) Slow Learner by @binaryeclipse​

Four times Anakin tried to fit Obi-Wan's big dick inside him and one time he managed it. or; the evolution of their sexual relationship.

I mean. Literally what it says on the tin lmaoo - but it’s so well done. It’s literally 12k of Anakin just gagging for it (how relatable,) I don’t know what else to say. As always read the tags, but also go read this fic. 

✰(Explicit, WIP) Obi-Two by Viraha

After Anakin is denied the rank of master, a mysterious phenomenon in the Force creates a baffling situation right in the middle of the same Council session. Anakin is not complaining.

Or, How Two Obi-Wan Kenobi can resolve Pretty Much Everything

I usually refrain from reccing things with only a single chapter or very early in the WIP stages but this one intrigued me so much. Usually time travel fics bring in the pada-wan version, but this one has a twist. I don’t know I’m very intrigued by this one, I’ll be watching this space. 

✰(Explicit, Complete) full throttle by spqr

“If you’re not first, you’re last,” Anakin says wisely. “Qui-Gon told me that once.”

I know it’s a (relatively) well known fic but I just read it again the other day and. HHHHHHHHHH rattling the walls of my enclosure. So it goes in this rec list, read this if you haven’t it’s so good. bark bark bark. 

✰(Teen & Up, Complete) Hands that are earnest, brave, and true by @obi-wkenobi​

On Trevo, after watching his Master be fret and fawned over by the governments elite, Obi-Wan miraculously peeled himself away from wanton eyes and returned to sit by his side, and for the first time ever, Anakin truly noticed the hands that rose to smooth back long copper hair.

Or, five times Anakin was distracted by Obi-Wan's hands, and one time that Obi-Wan noticed.

An *entire* fic about Obi-Wan’s hands y’all. It’s really soft and I’d say a feel-good fic if you’re in the mood for some fluff and love. There’s also a lot of pining (which is the draw!) but it’s all resolved in the end and it’s so beautifully done!

✰(Explicit, Complete) A Study in Tears by shatou

Anakin is used to sinking into the comfort of Obi-Wan’s arms when he is in tears. Obi-Wan is used to offering it. Neither of them realizes the moment when habit tips into heat-haze, but their acceptance for each other is boundless all the same.

(or: five times anakin gets aroused by accident when he’s crying and being comforted by obi-wan… and one time obi-wan does)

BARK HOWL CRY etc. God this fic, it really is one of *the* ones for me. I really enjoy this author’s work, but this particular fic. You know what I love, when a kink that could be considered niche, or could easily be done in a very tacky/porny way is done so intricately and artfully it just. Hhhhhhhhh it’s really good. Really good. 

✰(Explicit, Complete) Beer and Paint by @intermundia​

Artist!AU - it’s a part of a collection (go read all of it if you haven’t already) this is the latest stand alone chapter!

As it’s written, it’s inspired by Hayden in Life as a House, and it’s soooo delicious. Perfect mixture of hot/angsty/sweet. The atmosphere is set *so* well for a relatively shorter fic, as always i’m in awe, this was really good. 

✰(Explicit, WIP) if this isn’t nice, what is? by Anonymous​

"Your form has been improving remarkably quickly, Anakin," Obi-Wan said on the sparring platform one afternoon, as he wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. "Don't tell me you've actually been listening to the healer for once and doing your physical therapy."

In his adrenaline-addled mind, it took Anakin a moment to sort out what his master was talking about, but eventually his gaze drifted down to his lightsaber, or, more accurately, to the mechno-hand that held it.

"Um," he said. "Something like that."

---

Or, once he could hold a lightsaber again, it took Anakin maybe three days to learn how to jerk off with the new metal hand.

Again, what it says on the tin. It’s really well done though, I can’t wait for it to be completed. Tbh personally I really enjoy stories around Anakin’s mechno arm, and this one...well. I really really like it. 

✰(Explicit, WIP) toss overboard what is too heavy to carry by @tennessoui​​

In the aftermath of the Clone Wars, Palpatine dead and untold tragedy averted, the Republic struggles to heal and rebuild itself.

Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi attempt to do the same with their own relationship, riddled as it has become with betrayal, distrust, and hurt. It's not going too well. Desperate and unwilling to accept that maybe their friendship is ruined, Anakin finds a counselor they can talk to, one that specializes in healing "teams."

Or, as the counselor would probably put it, married couples, which they are decidedly not. Not that she knows that though. And not that they know that she thinks they're in a romantic relationship either. What a silly assumption to make. It's not like they're more intimate than lovers or anything.

YOOOOOOOO God this fic this fic!!!!!! I don’t know if I need to rec Kit’s fics honestly, as with some other authors I can feel people going “yes we are aware of this fic” but as I said, I want to do an honest list lol. Listen this one really has the potential to end me I don’t know. I’m really into the premise, the setting, the dialogue, the everything. 

✰(Explicit, Complete)  sink into the dunes by @starsdies​​​

“How about now, my young Padawan?” Anakin shivers, the title in Obi-wan’s chiding voice taunting him. Like he already knows. “Do you need me now too?”

This has every single trope I can want in a fic - first time, virginity kink, canon-verse!!!!!! I love their dynamic in this, especially love how suave Obi-Wan is. The tone, the setting, the dialogue... chef’s kiss.  

✰(Explicit, Complete)  on high by @treescape​​​​

Anakin breaks once they’re in the turbolift, alone, a dozen stories beneath the Council chamber and climbing steadily downwards.

“Are you even going to look at me?” he blurts out into the heavy silence, his own eyes fixed straight ahead. Obi-Wan stands still as stone beside him, but for the rise and fall of his chest, their shoulders just a breath from touching. His hands are folded into the sleeves of his robes, the very image of the calm Jedi Master.

It’s infuriating. It makes Anakin want to fidget, makes him want to run the edges of his own sleeves between his fingers and twist just for something else to focus on, but he catches himself just in time.

He doesn’t want to give Obi-Wan the satisfaction of sensing him squirm.

Or, Anakin returns from a series of missions and thinks Obi-Wan is angry with him.

Obi-Wan being angry with Anakin because he’s being too reckless is *my jam* I love this trope of one of them being too worried about the other one because they’re too reckless!!! This is beautifully written as always, I genuinely love angry!obi-wan so much, possibly one of my favourite obi-wans. 

✰(Explicit, WIP)  the trouble with wanting by @travellingcircus​​​​

Anakin is an alpha with few hobbies, chief among them watching his favourite omega and amateur videographer Ben showcase his many, many talents. Anakin tells himself he isn't obsessed, but when he finds out Ben is a lot closer to him than he realises, he stops at nothing to get what he wants. That is, Ben's sweet little ass--even if Ben turns out to be Anakin's stuffy, buttoned-up Lit professor.

Ahhhh last but not least! Mind the tags, again with a bit of a darker Anakin in this one, but I am so obsessed with the story telling aspect and I’ll be hones the idea of ~professor kenobi being on cam on the side is just. You know. They also have a couple other stories as a part of the obikin fest s1 which you should check out! 

Oookay, this was it for me this time! I know I’m probably missing some great content out there, but I don’t want to rec anything I haven’t personally read. As always, please mind the tags before you read a story, and don’t read it if you see anything that might potentially trigger you. 

[penfullofwordsaheadfullofstories]

I am yet to pack for my Egypt trip which is in 1.5 days time and all I can think about is how fucking embarrassed Obi-Wan would be the first time you see him nude because you can't stop showering him with compliments and then you tell him that his BDE is justified and he just 😳😳😳 and you tell him that his humility makes him sexier and he 😵🥴🥹 and I want soft and sexy Obi-Wan. Is that too much to ask for?

First off, I hope you have SO much fun on your trip!

And love. This has been on my mind ALL day.

NSFW thoughts below!

Like. It’s just a fact about him, to himself. His eyes are blue, his dick is big. It’s of no consequence.

But when you look at him, the way he can see the surprise and desire in your eyes, that’s of consequence.

You tell him, and he laughs, but a blush spreads across his whole chest. He doesn’t even know what to say, just that you’re too far away, and he reaches out for you.

When you straddle him, and whisper in his ear, how gorgeous he is, how you can’t wait for him to stretch you open, he has to close his eyes and take a deep breath.

He blushes an even deeper red, but his voice is steady. “My fingers first, yes? I won’t have you hurting yourself.”

It’s a matter of logistics, he’s not trying to be sexy, but he throbs when you moan.

“Maybe I want it to hurt, just a little.”

He has to take, one, two, three deep breaths. “We can build up to that, another time. Patience, little one.”

“You really have no idea, do you?”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He kisses your neck, but it’s to hide his face just as much as taste your skin.

“Mm. I'm not sure if it’s sexier that you’re absolutely packing, or that you’re absolutely indifferent about it.”

“Hush,” he says, smiling against your lips, but he twitches against you, heavy and warm, and he knows you have him.

Maybe, just maybe, he’ll let a little praise go to his head after all.

[phoenixyfriend]

Okay so you know how one of my big things with fandom is forcing characters into completely new contexts that they just have to Deal With (recently most commonly with time travel, crossovers, and things like the suddenly omegaverse AU).

So, canon characters get Yanked and somehow tossed into a Modern AU context, possibly just as some Matrix-esque 'your brain is trapped in a simulation' thing, possibly as a Sith Holocron thing, possibly as a weird crossover, it doesn't matter. The point is mostly this:

1. Nobody has the Force. 2. Ahsoka is suddenly human, and she hates it.

This is mostly an excuse for Ahsoka to be overwhelmed by some things (her sense of taste is completely different) and underwhelmed by others (this is your eyesight???) and panicked by others (her sense of echolocation is completely GONE), and then Anakin calming her down by Brushing Her Hair, something she's never had before.

Ahsoka has a meltdown and Anakin, who is also very panicked because the Force is just gone for him, is doing his best to keep her somewhat level and ANYWAY Anakin knows how to do cool, solid, safe braids because Padme taught him how to do her wig-secure crown braids, so when Ahsoka's being overwhelmed by the sensory hell of her new hair touching her shoulders, Anakin brushes it out and braids it up for her while Obi-Wan tries to find them a way out, and Rex and Cody help him notice things like "we can't read this alphabet for shit" and "that's not a speeder... is it..."

The clones are Itchy without their armor in an unfamiliar space. The Jedi keep tripping on sidewalk cracks and stuff because they're not used to needing to look where they're going. Also they don't have their sabers or blasters.

Ahsoka tucked into Anakin's side in a coffee shop that they somehow managed to Exchange Currency at... sipping on something sweet and complicated-flavor that she doesn't recognize and is very confused by because none of these tastes are familiar... a barista asks if she's okay and Anakin has to stutter over "my padawan" in favor of "my sister" because it's kind of safer but anyway could they get a cup of ice water for the kid?

The clones get asked if they're from New Zealand or Australia because of the accents and just Blank Stare until the person leaves in discomfort like "Was it something I said? Maybe they think I should be able to tell the difference?" but no they just don't fucking know what New Zealand and Australia are.

Imagine if she couldn’t really taste sweetness before. She finally understands the appeal of candy!

Ahsoka doesn't like 'being' human but she decides she likes the Expanded Taste Range (now she understands WHY people add spices) and having her hair played with (she's maybe a little jealous of people like Padme now).

Several of the Jedi keep forgetting they can’t jump 20 feet high anymore and keep slamming into fences. One of them tries to jump off something and is tackled by a clone. The clones keep forgetting they can’t jump off things and get caught anymore.

“Normal humans die when they do that!”

The clones don't register as clones to anyone, just Young Hot Guys With Nice Muscles, so Cody and Rex get hit on by strangers more in the Modern AU adventure than in the rest of their lives put together.

They register as twins though. And some people are maybe into that specifically. Strangely, in this context, being genetically identical is more attractive.

The only person in this group that knows how to recognize flirtation and how to flirt back is Obi-Wan.

Someone sees a Marvel movie playing a TV store and just drags the other four over because IS THAT MASTER WINDU WITH AN EYEPATCH. Or alternately IS THAT AN OLDER SENATOR AMIDALA IN BORING CLOTHES.

Per @atagotiak on discord

Hey, it could be worse, it could be literally almost anything else Ewan McGregor is in. I enjoy the other movies I’ve seen him in (though I haven’t seen a lot) it’s just every last one would be jarring as heck to them.

Birds of prey “Wow Obi-Wan, you’re a dick”

It's just Moulin Rouge's steamy scenes and Obi-Wan is like [head tilt] is... is that supposed to be me????

(I'm going to say that none of the Star Wars movies exist in this modern AU, but only because that would get too complicated.)

Ahsoka gets yelled at by Someone (a store employee, a cop, a random douchebag on the street), and Obi-Wan steps in because he's closest and also the person most invested in making sure she doesn't start throwing punches.

Person: Sorry man, didn't mean to scare your, uh, daughter. Obi-Wan's face: [is doing complicated things]

(Being Ahsoka’s dad is probably less weird than being Anakin’s dad. Just agewise and all that.)

Obi-Wan objectively recognizes that this is a reasonable assumption and also a safe one to work with, in that explaining their actual relationship might be sketchy depending on whether or not apprenticeships are a thing on this planet, and going with a person's first not-terrible assumption is usually a safe bet to not draw too much attention!

But 'parent' is a bit of a loaded concept for a lineage so prone to attachment (and tragedy).

Ahsoka finds herself getting inexplicably tired a few hours into a walk that would normally leave her fine, and since Anakin and Obi-Wan are also having trouble, it's apparently not a humans thing, it's... not having the Force. They’re still pretty strong and have good endurance but they’re not superhuman anymore so.

Adding in that Ahsoka's a young teenager who has no idea what she can eat that she can actually stand the taste of yet, so she keeps getting sugar crashes since it's the only thing she can reliably stomach...

[syn0vial]

Top 5 Boba moments 🥺

ohh fun! :D i’m gonna go in chronological order for these, just for organization’s sake. i’m also going to try and only include moments i haven’t talked much about before, just to keep things fun and fresh!

1. freeing the sea mice: starting from the very first boba fett junior novel the fight to survive, bc, well, chronological order! i like this moment bc it really emphasizes how innocent boba used to be. basically, there’s an aquarium with an eel in the fett’s kamino apartment and while jango and zam are off making bad decisions on coruscant, boba is tasked with it feeding aquatic rodents called “sea-mice” to the eel, something he’s never had to do before. but he doesn’t like doing it. the sea-mice always seem to trust him when he picks them up and he feels guilty for betraying them by feeding them to the eel. so, one day, he decides it’s going to be different. that morning, he feeds the eel his own breakfast (which is like, both sweet and hilarious, like honey did you really just throw your lunchables into an eel’s tank bc you wanted to make sure it was fed even while you’re out here freeing feeder mice? A+ for good intentions, F- for knowledge of how animals work) and tries to free a few of the sea-mice into kamino’s oceans. unfortunately, they don’t survive. the next day, boba reluctantly goes back to feeding the mice to the eel, telling one before he drops it in, “sorry; life is hard on the small and the weak,” echoing a saying of his father’s. this then becomes horrible foreshadowing for the rest of the series, in which boba is orphaned and suddenly finds himself being preyed upon by all sorts of antagonists. i know it’s a kids’ series and it’s Not That Deep, but i do really like that there’s a parallel created between boba and the mouse and the implication of the series as a whole that boba fett didn’t become a notorious hunter because he was always that way, but specifically because he started out as prey. also, it’s kind of hilarious in retrospect that boba felt compassion for rodents, but literally days later attempted to take obi-wan’s life without hesitation. kid’s really got his priorities in order.

2. standing up to jabba the hutt: this is from the junior novel boba fett: hunted, which is my favorite of the junior novels for him. in the story, boba pretends a short-statured adult by concealing his face with his father’s helmet and attempts to find work from jabba the hutt. however, when he finally gets an audience with jabba, jabba indeed offers to bring him back to his palace—as an indentured servant. and this freaking, like, eleven-year-old, staring down the criminal kingpin of tatooine with no weapons and no armor besides a too-big helmet, snaps at jabba the hutt, “my debt to you? what do i owe you for?” naturally, he is immediately set upon by one of jabba’s guards, and, well, i’ll let you read the rest :D

Boba had no time to think. He acted.

Without a sound, he leaped to one side. The Drovian’s knife whistled harmlessly through the air where, a nanosecond before, Boba had been.

“Huh?” gaped the hulking alien.

A small table stood near the viewscreen. Boba grabbed the table and swung it in front of himself, fending off the Drovian’s blade. Jabba himself watched, laughing coarsely.

“You will pay for this!” croaked the Drovian.

As the guard bore down on him, Boba thrust the table upward. The knife stuck in the wood surface. While the Drovian struggled to free his weapon, Boba pushed the table up farther. Then, he darted sideways, kicking at the lumbering guard’s knees. With a groaning thud, the Drovian stumbled and fell. Jabba’s guests laughed as Boba turned to breathlessly face Jabba.

“I am no one’s slave or servant!” Boba said. “I will work for you, for a price—but I will name that price!”

like, this kid really just brought down an armed adult with nothing but an end table AND finishes it off with a badass line defending his autonomy and defying jabba the hutt! definitely one of my favorite moments from the junior novels.

3. the Look he exchanges with lando while han is being tortured in the background

look, idk why this is so funny to me, but it is. lando’s just so full of loathing for this man who is complicit in forcing him to betray han and boba’s just like “you got shit to say to me. or nah?” he’s such a fucking asshole, i love it.

4. staying conscious just long enough to express his displeasure with the situation in iiiiii think the mandalorian armor, idk it’s been awhile: this story takes place post-RoTJ, after boba has escaped the sarlacc pit, killing it in the process, and is being gradually regaining his strength with the help of fellow bounty hunter dengar and amnesiac former slave neelah. at this point in the story, he’s still quite weak and spends most of his time slipping in and out of consciousness. unfortunately, some of boba’s enemies find out he’s still alive and just start fucking carpet-bombing their general location, so dengar and neelah go “shit, we need a bomb shelter, stat!”...and then slowly turn to look at the subterranean corpse of the sarlacc pit. they thus drag boba’s unconscious body back into the pit so they can all hunker down and wait out the bombs. except, surprise, surprise! the sarlacc ain’t completely dead. one of its giant tentacles starts attacking the group and is succeeding in getting the upper hand over dengar and neelah, when suddenly, boba wakes up. takes a look around and realizes where he is. and then grabs the nearest blaster and just goes apeshit firing on the tentacle, finally managing to kill it. too exhausted to talk, he then turns and fixes dengar with the angriest, most hate-filled glare the man has ever seen... and then promptly passes out. i remember just dissolving into giggles the first time i read that scene. just the mental image of boba fett giving dengar the scariest fucking “why the fuck did you fucking bring me back here” deathglare in the galaxy and then immediately losing consciousness. energy well-spent, boba.

5. that time boba did a mission completely in his underwear for no discernible reason, because daniel keys moran: this one’s just like. so delightfully bizarre that i’m not even going to try justifying it logically bc literally the only reason it exists was bc renowned EU author and certified mad man daniel keys moran really wanted to give boba his strong female character moment, because he deserves it. so, in this subplot, boba is tracking this devaronian war criminal who is holed up in a safehouse equipped with security systems that are triggered by the presence of, like, metal. which means boba can’t wear his armor plates and can’t use any blasters or other gadgetry. so boba loads up a compound bow and knife and makes to hunt this guy down. now, what about his armor? obviously, the most logical thing to do would be to just remove the metal plates and hunt in his flight suit. or, if that isn’t satisfactory, go out and buy like, leather armor or something? or just clothes? BUT NOPE. boba apparently goes, “well, if i can’t wear my armor, i’m not gonna wear ANYTHING” and just. does the entire mission in his underwear. he tracks and stalks this man, shoots him with an arrow, and then chases him down with a knife, ALL IN HIS UNDERWEAR. daniel keys moran even goes so far as to explicitly specify that these ain’t no long-johns, either. he’s like, “and the underwear...... MAINLY COVERED HIS DICK.” LIKE, DANIEL? DANIEL? HOW IS IT THAT OUT OF THE TWO BOBA FETT STORIES YOU’VE WRITTEN, BOTH OF THEM MENTION HIS DICK IN SOME CAPACITY? DANIEL? WHO KEEPS LETTING YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS??? and, like, can you imagine being this poor devaronian? you’re just living your fugitive war criminal life when an arrow hits you in the shoulder and boba fucking fett comes sprinting out of the woods at you in his underwear with a knife? what the fuck. this was canon at one point. what the fuck.

[jessepinwheel]

Okay this is very very random so feel free to take this prompt in any direction you like or ignore it completely but I was rereading SL and there was a mention of Obi-Wan being allergic to spice and I can’t get it out of my head 😂 great great fic!! 👍

hi it's been like eight months but time is an illusion so let's do this

Of course Pip knows who Kenobi is.

He hardly ever gets himself involved with gossip because it's largely pointless and definitely a waste of time, but he'd have to be living under a rock to miss everything about Kenobi, the very charming private detective who occasionally does seminars and is a little too familiar with Senator Organa, and most importantly, is making many of his brothers--for some reason--want to experience a little private dick of their own. Pip doesn't see the big deal, but then, he doesn't like anyone besides Tazo. Here on Alderaan, Kenobi is none of his business and he likes it that way. Besides, Kenobi apparently never leaves Coruscant--which puts him squarely outside of anything Pip ever has to deal with.

So, of course this leads to now.

"Can you please explain," Pip says slowly, holding up his datapad with the emergency department queue, "why Kenobi's name on my list of patients today?"

"There was a speeder accident--he was walking and someone hit him," the triage nurse tells him. "Not straight on, he got clipped on the side, but it still hurt him pretty bad. Not much external bleeding, but he might have a fracture or two. He's somewhat disoriented."

Pip closes his eyes. "Why is he on Alderaan in the first place? He doesn't even live here."

The nurse shrugs. "That's none of my business, sir. All I know is he's a patient today, so he's our responsibility. He seems to be in a lot of pain, but he refused painkillers--he was very adamant about that."

Pip sighs. It's one thing to refuse painkillers when there's drug shortages or rationing, but entirely another to go through serious pain just because. "Why? Is he an idiot or something?"

"I'm not sure. He said he can't take it, that’s all, and I’m not about to force the issue. If he wants to be in pain, that’s his prerogative, sir."

Great. Pip loves it when he gets difficult patients. Makes his day. "Fine. Is anyone with him? If he's concussed and disoriented he probably shouldn't be here alone."

"Waxer arrived in the ambulance with him," the nurse replies. "I think they were together when Kenobi got hit."

Pip vaguely recalls Waxer as being a brother from the 212th with a pleasant enough temperament. Figures he’d be sucked in by Kenobi’s charms--apparently Kenobi thought Coruscant wasn't enough and decided to start wreaking havoc on brothers on Alderaan, too. That's great. Absolutely fantastic.

Pip glances at the status monitor on his datapad. "Kenobi’s already in the room?”

The nurse nods. “He’s not critical--he’s conscious and he can walk and talk, mostly--but he should be seen urgently.”

With that, Pip heads to see Kenobi. As he walks, he tries to pull health records so he has some idea of what he's getting into. Unsurprisingly, there's nothing--Kenobi doesn't get medical care anywhere on Alderaan. If he wants Kenobi’s medical information, he’d have to comm over to Coruscant and that’s not happening--their health systems aren't centralized so it’s all but impossible to find Kenobi’s records without knowing what medcenter Kenobi uses.

Sighing, Pip switches the datapad off. He’s never treated a natborn before--they rarely get patients who aren’t clones at their new medcenter--but it can’t be that different, right? Humans are basically the same as clones in most cases, and the history of present illness is straightforward. Traumatic injury is traumatic injury. He knows how to deal with that, even if Kamino's training ran more towards blaster shots and explosions than vehicular injury. He enters Kenobi’s room.

Kenobi is laid out on the bed, stripped of most of his clothes and with several bacta patches applied over his abdominal region where the most immediate damage was done. There’s a couple of techs at Kenobi’s side, monitoring his vitals and running scans. Kenobi definitely doesn’t look pretty--his entire right side is a massive bruise, along with heavy red scrapes and scratches where he probably hit the pavement. His cybernetic right hand--and somehow for all of the gossip about Kenobi nobody ever mentioned that--is pretty badly damaged with parts of the plating snapped off.

“You look like shit,” Pip says as he steps to Kenobi’s bedside.

Kenobi blinks slowly up at Pip. He looks a little hazy, but he meets Pip’s gaze without too much difficulty. “Doctor,” he says hoarsely, smiling just a bit. “You’re--you shouldn’t talk like that. You’ll make me feel bad about myself.” He tries to sit up a bit, then lets out a grunt of pain and gives it up. “Well, I suppose I can’t argue your expert opinion. I don’t feel fantastic.”

“You would feel better if you took some medication for the pain,” Pip says.

Kenobi shakes his head. “I saw the pain medication you have here--or, well, Waxer read out the label for me. I can’t do a lot of reading right now, especially without my glasses.” His gaze goes a little unfocused, then he blinks and looks back at Pip. “My point--or the point I was getting to, anyways, was that I can’t use that. It’s...it makes me...I can’t think of the word. It causes problems. Worse problems than the pain.”

Stupid, stubborn idiot. “Well,” Pip says, “if you refuse to take something for the pain, then let’s move on to the rest of this examination. How are you?”

“I’ve been worse,” Kenobi says. “I was just explaining to your lovely staff that if I stop breathing at some point tonight they shouldn’t worry about that, it’s normal for me. I have this medical condition where my soul leaves my body sometimes. For some reason, this upsets a lot of people, but there’s really no need to--to cause such a fuss. I’ve been having this, um, it’s been happening for over a decade now and I’m still fine.”

“I see,” Pip says slowly. “And just out of curiosity, why does your...soul leave your body sometimes?”

“Oh, I think I died a while back, once or twice. Something happened and it was pretty bad at the time, but I...” Kenobi trails off, his eyes growing unfocused for several seconds before he shakes his head and looks back up at Pip. “I’m sorry. I drifted for a second. You were asking me something?”

“He’s not usually like this,” Waxer says apologetically. “I think he hit his head kind of hard. He’s been kind of confused since we got here.”

Pip glances over at Kenobi, who’s now closed his eyes and is breathing very slowly. “He’s very articulate, given the circumstances. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or not. Maybe you ought to explain what happened, Waxer.”

Obligingly, Waxer explains the situation as he understands it while Pip performs the physical examination. Apparently, Kenobi had decided to visit Alderaan as a favor to Queen Organa, whom he was closely acquainted with--not all that surprising, considering his relationship with the Queen’s husband. Since he so rarely gets a chance to visit Alderaan, he decided to make this trip an extended one, and has been spending the last week or so around the city, exploring and no doubt getting into trouble. Yesterday, Waxer met Kenobi at an open market and when Kenobi expressed interest in visiting the clones’ district, Waxer had offered to give him a tour. Fast forward about twenty hours, he and Kenobi were on their way back from the 501st block when a speeder came down the street and swerved, nearly hitting Waxer and clipping Kenobi pretty hard in the side.

The damage isn’t that bad, all told. It looks worse than it is, with plenty of abrasions and a minor concussion and the massive bruising, of course. There’s a couple of hairline fractures in his ribs and his mechanical hand will need some repairs, but it’s nothing some bacta and a boneknitter can’t fix. No surgery necessary. Kenobi can be discharged tomorrow, assuming no complications and there’s someone reliable who can keep an eye on him to make sure he takes it easy.

“Where does it hurt?” Pip asks.

“I feel like that should be an easy, ah, you could probably guess just by looking at me,” Kenobi says. “But if you...if you need me to say it myself, I feel very sore all over. My right arm is getting some pretty bad spasms--if someone can turn my hand off, that would probably help--”

One of the techs reaches over and twists Kenobi’s right arm so the connectors disengage from the socket, and Kenobi lets out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you. That’s much better,” Kenobi says. “My chest hurts, but that’s a spiritual thing, there’s nothing you can do to help that, that’s just something that happens when I’m not in Coruscant. I think the worst pain is on my back--I think that’s where the speeder actually hit me--it’s worst right below the ribs.”

Pip nods. “Can I take a look? We’ll need to flip you on your side.”

“Go ahead, Doctor,” Kenobi says. “I’d do it myself, but I’m...I’m very tired. I’m sorry.”

“You’re fine.” Carefully, Pip and the techs move Kenobi on his side so Pip can see his bare back, and--

Pip sucks in a breath through his teeth.

There’s definitely a dark, almost black bruise where Kenobi was probably hit by the speeder, but more shocking than that is the thick layer of overlapping scars all over his back. They’re stretched and faded in the way that very old scars get, and they don’t look like combat scars--not like blaster or knife or burn wounds. They look like...whip lashes. A lot of them.

“Does it look that bad?” Kenobi asks. “I don’t think anything’s broken, but it hurts quite a lot.”

“I...” Pip says. “Kenobi. I’m going to ask you a personal question. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but...where did you get these scars on your back?”

“Oh, that? I was a prisoner of war for a little while when I was younger,” Kenobi replies easily as anything. “I don’t really remember what happened, but I think eventually somebody felt guilty about torturing a youngling and let me go.” He shifts a little to look back over his shoulder at Pip like he hasn’t just said something completely fucking horrifying. “The scars don’t hurt or anything, they’re just a little stiff sometimes. You don’t need to worry about them--it’s just my side that hurts.”

Pip doesn’t punch anything because he’s a professional who’s in control of his emotions, but it’s definitely an effort to swallow down the incandescent rage he feels and calmly say, “We can put some topical anesthetic on it--that’ll numb the pain for a while. Is that okay?”

“Yes, go ahead. Please do,” Kenobi says.

At least Kenobi has the sense to accept that much pain relief. Pip smears some pain medication over the worst of the bruises, then works with the techs on the rest of the treatment--they can handle just about everything except using the boneknitter. Kenobi watches them silently as they work over him, though watch seems a little generous. The look in his eyes makes him seem like he’s a thousand light-years away.

By the time most of his treatment is done, Kenobi’s eyes have slipped closed again, though there’s sweat on his face and a furrow between his brow that betrays the pain he’s still in. He’s not going to be able to recover properly unless he gets some kind of pain relief, so Pip makes an executive decision to load up a hypospray with one dose of medication and reaches down to make an injection--

Kenobi’s eyes fly open and he jerks away from the hypospray before Pip can pull the trigger. “Don’t,” he says.

“You need pain medication, Kenobi,” Pip says. “I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn about this, but sitting through the pain isn’t impressing anyone. It just makes you look like an idiot.”

“I told you, it’s not that I don’t want medication, it’s that I can’t use it,” Kenobi says. “I have a spice allergy, Doctor.”

Pip freezes. He’s literally never heard of medication allergies--if any of the clones ever had them, it was engineered out of them. A spice allergy would make Kenobi unable to use most common painkillers, including almost everything they stock here in the medcenter because spice allergies aren’t supposed to be a thing. “A...a spice allergy. You’re fucking kidding me.”

Kenobi shakes his head. “Any kind of spice derivative and it’s hard for me to breathe--and not the kind where my soul can leave my body and I’m okay. It does something to the Force inside me. I can’t control its flow.”

Pip glances over at Waxer, who shrugs. Apparently that doesn’t make sense to him, either. “The Force? You’re a Jedi?” Pip asks.

“Not for a couple decades now,” Kenobi replies, then makes absolutely no attempt to elaborate. He blinks slowly up at Pip, then asks, “Doctor?”

“Yeah, Kenobi?”

“You’re just about finished, right? Is it okay if I go to sleep?”

“Yeah. Get some rest. It’s fine.”

Kenobi nods. “Don’t inject me with anything that’s a spice derivative, okay?”

Without waiting for a response, Kenobi closes his eyes again. He takes a few slow breaths, the wrinkle between his brows relaxing, then...stops.

He stops breathing.

“What the fuck,” Pip says.

“He, um,” Waxer says awkwardly. “He did say he does that sometimes. Stop breathing.”

That’s true, Kenobi definitely said that--Pip regrets not asking more questions about it, but is it really his fault for thinking Kenobi was making things up when he said he sometimes stopped breathing and that was completely fine? Pip checks Kenobi’s vitals, but despite the fact that he’s stopped breathing, everything is still normal, including oxygen levels, which doesn’t even make sense.

Pip takes a deep breath. He’s clearly a little out of his depth right now, but he didn’t start working in the emergency department so he could panic at the first sign things aren’t going as planned. Kenobi’s stable for now, and that’s what’s important. At least now he’s got a little more to work with--if Kenobi was a Jedi, the Temple ought to have his medical information, not to mention some guidance in pain management for Force-sensitives. Maybe they’ll even know something about the not-breathing thing. He’ll comm them about that the first moment he’s free.

But first, he sends a medcenter memo to make sure natborns get screened for allergies.

[backhurtyy]

Now onto revenge of the sith. THIS is the Anakin I know with the long hair and everything. The infamous “kill him. Do it” line. Also I think the disconnect for me on why this is supposedly such a big thing is that. The Jedi kill people all the time esp aliens? Why should him killing a Sith Lord which are so ~dangerous and evil~ be any different? Also it’s that guy from clone wars the evil robot guy? Idk his name yet. OH general grievous of course, how is he coughing when he’s a robot? Anyway. Also I asked my dad if he knew who Ashoka is and he goes “I Ashoka my dishes in the sink” and I THOUGHT he was gonna make a dick joke and it almost killed me. Are we not supposed to know Palpatine is the other sith at this point? He’s way too recognizable in voice and what we see under the cloak for anyone not to know who he is immediately but they’re really pushing the secret identity thing it seems lol. I love Anakin but he is so many red flags wrapped up in one in general and with Padme especially he’s just. I used to love him a lot but now I’m like mmm he says words. Obi Wan mentioned Cody! Its that guy! Idk what that means but it’s that guy! The “hello there” “general kenobi” part happened but Grievous doesn’t pull out all four sabers until a little later I feel lied to. “Are you going to kill me” “I would certainly like to” I love this Tik tok audio. Also palpatine is the Sith Lord, who would’ve guessed that’s crazy. Also all of this bc Anakin wants to save Padme. She’s like I can just… get an abortion it’s no big deal and he’s like no! I will simply become evil there is no other way! Palp told Anakin to kill everyone and he’s walking down the hallway in like full dark attire and all I can think is “oh ani what have you gotten yourself into.” Also I realized at some point, Padme was definitely an awakening of some kind for me as a kid she’s just so pretty. Order 66 they said the thing, that’s not good. I forgot Anakin kills all those kids, god that’s. That’s bad. Obi Wan doesn’t want to kill him he’s convincing Yoda he can’t, this is breaking my heart. Not the shot of Anakin crying after killing everyone NELLIE this is so fucking sad. I used to quote the end of this movie all the time as a kid cause I thought it was FUNNY and NOW look at me I wanna cry. And to think, Anakin does get to kill Obi Wan in like episode 4. God this whole thing is killing me, Anakin is just so angry and Obi Wan just wants to help he’s so sad. The transitions between Padme giving birth and Anakin being operated on, damn. Vader’s theme softly playing as Anakin taking his first breath in the suit, ugh. Padme saying there’s good in him in her last breath, him immediately asking for her when he gets up. Padme and all the flowers in her hair in her casket, still with a baby bump I’m gonna lose it I cannot take this. I always loved that shot of her too idk why. This movie was my favorite one when I was a kid and now I see why I think it still is it’s just. Fuck man. The Whole Time I’m like ani please just talk to anyone about this have A conversation, someone will help and he just doesn’t 😩 - 🤍

‘DEWIT 😈😈😈’ yeah okay palpers let’s get you to bed

i think the difference is the context in which anakin kills dooku? like yeah the jedi kill people but typically only when there’s no other option (i.e, civilians are being endangered and the only way to save them is to take out the bad guy) or like. when obi wan is fighting maul in phantom menace and it’s the only way he can stop him and try to save naboo. but anakin has an unarmed man in front of him— yes, he’s a sith lord, but he’s still unarmed and taking him in as a prisoner would likely have ended the war had palpatine not been pulling strings— and also kills him from a place of rage, anger, frustration, and desire to end the war, with the urging of palpatine, who is technically a civilian. it’s not a way to protect anyone. it’s done purely for selfish reasons. or at least, that’s my understanding of it, i’m sure others have explained it better!!!

as for grievous he’s a cyborg so i think he used to be human or like some alien species, but something happened to him and his lungs and stuff were put into the metal body??? i did not fact check that so i could be wrong but i’m pretty sure that’s what happened to him lmao

it’s dumb for them to expect us to not know who palpatine is because like. the original trilogy established it was emperor palpatine??? so idk why they push it so hard. probably dramatic irony or something lmao

ladies if his name is anakin skywalker… 🚩🚩🚩

CODY MY MOST BELOVED I MISS HIM EVERYDAY!!!!! the biggest crime of this century was them not including more of cody in anything because he’s. the best. and idk if you’ve started watching clone wars yet but. if you haven’t you’ll get to see him a bit more!!! he’s obi wan’s husband commander and they have some awesome moments together 💖

anakin makes me so sad because. he loves so hard and so fiercely. and it brings the galaxy to its knees. like that quote that’s like ‘i love you to the point of ruin’ (is that real or did i make that up???) is just. that’s him. thats anakin skywalker. and it’s worse too because that love is only a bad thing because of palpatine!!! because palpatine abuses it and turns it into fear and preys on it and— like if palpers hadn’t been there he would have been the best brother to ahsoka and obi wan, the best husband, the best father, the best jedi…. GOD. IN TEARS.

bestie if the movie makes you sad you have GOT to read the revenge of the sith novelization by matthew stover because. that shit ruins my life daily. it is so fucking sad. i’m so— ani. obi. best friends and brothers who love each other even at the end.

[grimtrespasser]

Okay so,, I kinda,,,, came up with a whole au in which Anakin and Padmé are t4t, cause I was mad at Star Wars again, dicking around in my friend’s DMs, and I joked they’d have a way better relationship if they were and it kinda,,, spiraled skdks. It just dredged up a lot of follow up questions about how that’d affect the continuity and now it’s my self indulgent Anakin/Padmé/Rex fixit. So uhhh… some notes I have about the t4t au!

• obviously, first off, Padmé is a trans woman and Anakin is a trans man

• Luke and Ahsoka are also trans in this au because I said so

• When Luke officially comes out as trans Padmé jokes that he gets it from Rex’s side of the family much to Anakin’s delight and Rex’s complete confusion

• I’m under no circumstances killing Fives in this au that shit hurt me, so in this one he’s frazzled by the discovery of Palpatine but Rex and Anakin actually listen when he calls them to that warehouse and when authorities arrive they claim he was shot and fell over the edge into the center of Coruscant when in reality they call in some favors to smuggle him away safely

• Because they discover the chips through Fives so early on, they’re able to start covertly de-chipping some of the clones (with a lil jedi assistance à la Anakin and Shaak Ti), they obviously don’t manage to remove the chips of all the clones but they get a fair chunk saving themselves a lOt of pain come Order 66

• Mmmm big fan of Rex’s stiff awkward phase when he first starts attempting non-professional relationships, he’s a bit better by the time he starts crushing on Anakin and even more so when he falls for Padmé but bOy howdy does it take him awhile to just fuckin relax around them

• Rex, consistently getting crushes on badass dudes: I think I’m gay

Padmé: Hello, commander :)

Rex: hahaha bi panic: activate

• Legit he’s so awkward and uncomfortable in casual contexts I love him for that

• So I think a few critical changes are what push Anakin away from the dark side in this au:

1) When Fives uncovers the conspiracy, though by this point Anakin is friends with Palpatine and has a hard time reconciling what Fives saw and the existence of the chips with who he’s come to know Palpatine as

2) His decent fucking support system because holy fUck how do you have a whole found family network and yet they stILL fail to actually support you the whole damn way?? Obi-Wan doesn’t tell him his emotionality is dark side stuff! The council doesn’t just tell him to repress shit! His relationship with Padmé gets actual fuckin development and is actually healthy in this au!! FffUck

3) The twins, cause duh. They obviously happen at the very end of the Clone Wars so Anakin getting pregnant is what leads up to his final loss of trust in Palpatine and his decision to stick up for himself and his family against what the council might potentially say.

• Ahsoka still leaves the Jedi Order in this au cause I think it’s just too pivotal an aspect of her character, and at first Anakin is angry and betrayed but eventually he comes to accept it was the best option for her and doesn’t resent her for her choice. Especially after finding out about the twins and realizing his family won’t be readily accepted by the Order even though both are incredibly important to him

• Ahsoka is the one who tells him it’s twins, I just think it’d be hilarious if Kix’s initial tests really early on didn’t reveal that so when Anakin got Obi-Wan and Ahsoka together to break the news Ahsoka sensed both the kids through the living force and just went “Oh my gosh you’re having twins!” Right before Anakin could say he was pregnant, and his brain just breaks cause like…. Twins?? Oh god, twins????

• In turn Padmé almost chokes on her tea and Rex nearly fuckin faints when Anakin has to tell them it’s twins, like they had jUst come to terms with one baby and now they know it’s gonna be two and they are going thrOugh it

• Really want Anakin to just,,, go off and get really anti-government at some point. Like the more he becomes aware of his garbage circumstances at the Order and working for the Republic, the more he starts to recognize his childhood experiences in the clones’ situation, and the angrier he gets at the systems in power that facilitated all this injustice. He’s just never been afforded the chance at being free, so once he starts asking questions, he starts seeing what’s behind the curtain real fuckin quick. Except this time he’s got the support system to channel that anger into productivity rather than letting it consume him.

• I’m a big fan of the Anakin Doesn’t Turn But The Empire Still Rises AUs so this one follows a similar continuity. After all, Anakin was just a particularly close pawn, Palpatine still had a million other ways to ensure he came out on top, so when everything breaks bad Anakin escapes with Padmé, the twins, and his battalion. And because they were alerted to Palpatine’s plans by Fives they had an extended escape plan with a handful of other battalions, including the 212th and the Wolf Pack. A lot of them help build up the rebellion or become involved with it later down the line, once the movement starts to gain more traction.

Will I do anything with this au? Who knows! Buts it’s certainly fun for me to think about and I’m always coming up with random new details, so we’ll just see where my spite and curiosity takes me with this one. At the very least I’ve already got some doodles I might post later

[mad-hats]

starred wars. full reign. all of starring wars.

Oh god… where do I even start do you realize how many characters are in Star Wars? How many blorbos and glup shittos fit in there?? This will be very long I apologize in advance.

Blorbo: honestly I have quite a few favorites I think. Probably Boba Fett mostly as of late though if not just because bobf has been eating at my brain. I am obsessed with his characterization like they took a random fucking guy the Fanboys™️ clung to and made him such an interesting character. Ahsoka is a blorbo too just because there is so much to think abt with her…. Oh and Omega I think of her way too much but I’ll discuss that more in poor little meow meows.

Scrunkly: hm. You know this is actually kind of hard. I’m just gonna say Din though my tin can man I admit he’s not actually scrunkly or baby but he is shaped and sometimes I want to throw a slice of cheese at his helmet because I think his confused reaction would be funny. Oh Echo is also shaped and my special guy. Not rlly scrunkly or a baby again but I think being an armored cyborg is perhaps one of the most shaped things you can do. He’s cute though I want to completely redesign his ugly whitewashed design and give him a gun attachment for his arm he deserves it <3

Scrimblo Bimblo: Max fucking Rebo my blue little guy rip j*zz legend you will be missed😔BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY Finn and Rose they were sidelined so hard and Star Wars has a nasty habit of doing this with their compelling poc characters my god they deserved such better writing and screen time and literally Everything. Oh also K-2SO? He was iconic in Rogue One literally one of my favorite droids and I think Rogue One should be discussed more in general but I just thought K-2was neat :]

Glup Shitto: That hot turquoise twi’lek guy from bobf. He doesn’t have a name but he is trans and he seems nice :]. Literally any handmaiden. They had to deal with So much. Basically any minor character from tcw because no one else knows who they are but I would freak out if they were mentioned. Bossk was in the originals too but if boba so much mentions him in the new content I will Talk Extensively about it.

Poor Little Meow Meow: Maul lol. He’s very popular he’s just such a weird evil fucked up terrifying but also kind of pathetic little guy. Uhhhh also Omega! She’s fine she’s just mildly controversial because the tbb writing was lacking to say the least and a lot of people thought she was annoying and doesnt make sense in the big picture and I get that but I can fix her. Oh and Commander Fox! He’s not pathetic or anything and didn’t even have much of an appearance but he is kinda controversial. A good chunk of the tcw fandom Hates him because killed Fives but I will defend him anyway, like I love Fives so so much but Fox did what he thought he had to do it’s all very nuanced you can learn more by sending me Star Wars sideblog asks someone please-

Horse Plinko: Tech and Crosshair in a fairly lighthearted way like they’re still clones so I’ll always support them to an extent but their designs are so so ugly and I like bullying them in discord servers. Less lighthearted with Cross though he’s kind of a dick. Obi-Wan in a lighthearted way too because he’s fun to see in pain. The Kryze sisters in a significantly less lighthearted way though they’re interesting but mass murder and irresponsible leadership is not inherently girlboss I’m sorry. I will also bully any Viszla for anything at any time.

Eeby Deeby: Palpatine lol he just sucks for obvious reasons. Oh and Kyle Ron. Kylo stannies dni I Do Not Care if he was redeemed I don’t care if his name is actually Ben and I don’t care about Reylo I simply Do Not Care For Him he’s so whiny and angsty and for what his backstory is not even THAT bad he gives incel vibes and idc if he’s a goth angsty sadboi Maul did it better and he did it with horns and cool tattoos.

[please-buckme]

pt 2 of the metal arm where he fucks the reader!

The Metal Arm. (Part 2) Anakin x reader

Warnings: Smut, 18+, Anakin has a huge dick, vaginal sex, this bitch is hurtin

1809words

It’d been months since you last saw Anakin. Once you’d returned back to the Temple it was almost as if nothing had happened. You both went to the council, told them of your heroic duties and that was it. There was no after-meeting hookup or stolen glances, nothing.

You did hear that Anakin had gone on quite the lengthy mission with Obi-Wan but other than that you had no idea where Anakin had been, for all you knew The Chosen One was dead. You knew he wasn’t dead though, the whole galaxy would hear of Anakin’s death. Thinking about what a big deal he is made you sick. Even after you’d played with him a bit you still hated his guts. If it weren’t for that beautifully crafted hand of his you never would have let him touch you like that.

No one knew of your deed either. It surprised you how proud of the situation Anakin was. That he’d gotten you off just with his fingers. The only way to swear him to secrecy was to tell him you’d return the favor if he kept his mouth shut.

“You mean you’ll actually let me fuck you?” He asked.

“If that’s what you want.” You replied.

Anakin smirked at you, leaning in to whisper, “If you thought my fingers were good just wait. I’m gonna fuck you so hard you’ll forget your name.” He stood still smirking down at you before exiting the ship. In all honesty you’d forgotten your name just by his words alone.

You had to admit you’d been a little anxious as to when the name-forgetting sex was going to arise. Much time had passed and you’d forgotten all about it.. until.

“The mission went very well. Both me and my troops made it back in one piece and I'd say we handled things in a permissional manner. We almost weren’t ready to come home.” You joked trying to level with the men of the council.

“That’s wonderful to hear. We are all so proud of your growth as a Jedi and a leader.” Master Kenobi smiled at you, making you smile as well. “And Anakin?” He asked, a puzzled look spreading across your face.

“Um, wh- what about Anakin?” You asked. Shit. had they found out about what you’d done together so long ago?

“You haven’t spoken with Anakin?” Master Plo Koon wondered.

“Should I have?” Your heart was racing.

“We told me to reach you hours ago. That boy he never learns.” Master Kenobi says, frustrated as usual. “Well when you do see him it’ll be on a mission in the next few days, alright?”

“Great.” Is all your voice would allow.

“All right I believe we’re done here. Once again great job and good luck on your next mission, you’re going to need it.” Obi-Wan winks at you before exiting and going the opposite way of you.

The good news, you weren’t in trouble and they hadn’t found out about Anakin totally wrecking you, the bad news, Anakin was back and looking for you. It took you no time to realize where he would be.. waiting for your arrival.

-

‘I know you’re here Anakin.” You shout, your voice echoing but to you, “The council said you were looking for me.” You sigh before continuing, “Well here I hhh-” Anakin came up from behind you, covering your mouth. He scarred, having panic run through your body until you’d realized it was indeed Anakin.

Anakin here’s you straining in his hand and he lets it drop from your mouth, “What the fuck, Anakin? You almost gave me a heart attack.” When he came up behind you he wrapped you up close to him. You tried your best to escape from his grasp. His grip became tighter around your waist, making you grunt in pain. He used his now free hand to pull your hair back, exposing the skin of your neck. Wasting no time you fit his teeth on your neck.

“Anakin, what are you doing?” Still squirming to be set free.

“Taking what is now.” He says between gritted teeth.

You laugh, “And, uh, what might that be, Skywalker?” The squirming stilled as you leaned into him, now embracing his warm touch.

“You know.” He says making his way to your earlobe before sucking on it, making you gasp.

You clear your throat, trying to sound less unsubdued, “Hmm, I don’t think I do, Gonna have to refresh my memory.”

Anakin smirks against your neck, “I can do that. Don’t move.” He releases you from his grasp to remove his glove. Of course you take off. If he were going to fuck you it’d be on a bed, so that’s where you led him. “Get back here.” He growls.

“Come with me, Skywalker.” You spun around still walking, backwards now. You extend your finger out in a ‘come here’ motion. The look on Anakin’s face would have frightened you in any other setting but for this particular instance.. It excited you.

When you finally reach the bed you sit patiently waiting for Anakin to catch up. Once he gets there he pushes you back forcefully, admitting a gasp to fall from your mouth.

“Oh Gods,” he says while ridding you of your pants and underwear, “You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted you these past months.” When he finally tugs off the remaining material under your legs he spread then, wide. Anakin dipped his head between your thighs inhaling your scent as you watched. “Did you miss my fingers, (Y/N)?”

A sigh leaves your lips as his cold digit circles your clit, “Gods yes.” Anakin lets out a raspy groan before lowering two fingers into your dripping core. An involuntary moan escapes past your lips as he pumped them slowly, letting you adjust to their thickness.

“I’ve been wanting to fuck you everyday since we last met. The thought of you cumming all over my fingers never leaves my mind.” Anakin’s voice was smooth with lust, adding another finger, “Fuck my fingers look so good in your pretty pussy.”

“A- Anakin, oh gods.” The feeling of your walls closing in around three of his fingers hurt, “Anakin that hurts.. please.”

He brought his flesh hand up to pat you on the head. “Shh it’s okay. You did such a good job last time.” He lowers his hand to your mouth as he inserts two fingers, the sucking distracting you from the depleting pain between your thighs. “ besides, you’ll be thanking me for stretching you out. My cock is way bigger than three fingers.” You gasp. Would you be able to take Anakin the way he wanted. It scarred you but at the same time it made you mentally drool.

“Then stretch my fucking hole, Anakin.” He gave you a devilish grin before pumping his fingers hard and fast inside you. Your back arched off the bed as the pain turned to pleasure.

“My cock is gonna feel so good in that tight pussy.” Anakin returns his face to your core, attaching his lips to your clit, fingers still pounding inside you.

“Oh shit,” you yelp. “Anakin I’m gonna fucking cum, I’m gonna fucking cum, oh my god.” You Anakin nod against your clit as you come undone around his fingers once again. You’re high leaves you breathless and seeing stars. “Oh my god” you whisper in the midst of your high. “K- kiss me.” You say needing to feel some sort of connection to him.

Anakin removes his lips from your pulsing clit to join your lips in a hungry kiss. You moan against his lips now tasting yourself on his breath.

Anakin pulls his hand from your core and you can hear him remove his pants and them hit the floor.

Being the curious and cautious person you are, you reached down to feel just how big Anakin actually was. When you grab what you thought to be his leg you were shocked to find that wasn’t the case. “Oh fuck, Anakin. You really want that thing inside me?” You joke.

He smirks down at you, “more than anything, (Y/N).” You pump him slowly as he sheds his pants completely. He brings his hips closer to your wet pussy, the head now poking at your entrance. “Are you ready?” He asks hesitantly.

“Fuck me, Anakin.” You say pulling him back down into a kiss.

“Yes, Ma’lady” He says on your lips. His cock slowly pushes into you, making your breath hitch in his throat. He groans a raspy groan when he bottoms out inside you, “You feel so fucking.. good. Let me know when to move so I can fuck the shit out of you.”

To Anakin this felt amazing but for you.. it was a whole nother story. He stretched every inch of your delicate pussy. Tears started brimming your eyes as you sobbed slightly. “Does it hurt, baby.”

“Y- yes but I like it.” You say huffing out a breath, “move slow, that might help.” He did as you asked, removing himself completely at an excruciating slow pace before diving right back in. It hurt a little less every time and after a few more pumps you were ready. You wanted to be nice and fucked though.

You wrapped your legs around Anakin tight and filled him over, him now laying under you. “Okay Anakin, fuck me.” The smirk on your face quickly guys away as he props you up on his legs as fucked up into you. “Oh Gods,” You couldn’t help the vulgar screams leaving your mouth as he filled you up complete with each thrust.

“You feel so good, (Y/N)! I’m gonna cum soon.” Anakin informed you. Without words you brought his finger, a metal one, to your mouth sucking on it before lowering it to your clit. Anakin immediately took over drawing skillful circles over your clit.

Everything felt so good that you couldn’t help the tears that tan down your face. The feeling of ecstasy hit you before your high did, “You are so beautiful, (Y/N).” Anakin says from below you. “Let me see you cum again, babe. I want to feel you cum.” A few more involuntary yelps leave your lips as you finally climax around his thick cock. “Yes!” Anakin shouts as you tighten even more around him, spiking his own climax.

He rode out his high inside of you, neither of you moving from the position until your body had had enough. “Oh god.” You say laying down beside him.

“I know.” He says kissing your forehead, then turns you over, now spooning you which you didn’t mind given the moment you just shared. “Oh yeah we have a mission together.”

“Thanks for letting me know.” You say before drifting off to sleep.

Masterlist

Taglist: @basicanti-socialb-tch @haydens-moles @valkyrieofthehighfae @shads121 @alyssa-skywalker @iwillwaitforyouinthedark @shylittlecupcake @kelseyyyyyyyyyyyyyy @anakinseyelashes @peresphoncs @fungusbabey @anakinswhore @missgirlnoname @anakin-obsessed @25carolvalkyrie

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[youurelovely]

My fav things y’all use to write obi wan:

- shy about nerd interests

- READY to protect at ANY time

- Humble to the point of self destruction

- arrogant enough to assume his mistakes give him more responsibility when things go wrong

- *has broken ribs* *refuses medical wing*

- angst about qui gon related abandonment issues

- all of this poor man’s abandonment issues

- angst about any childhood related dilemmas

- his padawan is his favorite person and ALSO a huge bag of dicks, yes he is aware of this

- *in a dangerous situation* *flirts*

- reading is a big hobby of his

- oh God why the fuck am I on the council? what would qui gon say? Is this a joke? What do they want from me? Playcoolplaycoolplaycool. Yes I know what I am doing. No Cody I’m fine I don’t need the medical wing.

- his precognition and visions about future

- REALLY TERRIFYING VISIONS but ya know he’s fine totally even tho his master refused to train his ability and he DOES NOT understand it

- his precognition leads him to hoarding things

- stewjoni lore!! Real or made up for the fic I love it

- *sees a mandalorian* *insert it’s free real estate meme here*

- literally obi wan + mandalore in all situations

- knowing lots of languages

- having personal experiences with slavery so he makes extra exceptions for anakin because while their experiences aren’t the SAME he is desperate to help him (like not making anakin call him master or explaining things to help his mental health)

- obi wan vs the senate

- obi wan hates most of the senate bc of nasty senators BUT padme and bail are friends of his

- obi wan also is low key bail’s sugar baby but what his padawan doesn’t know won’t kill him

- obi wan thought his padawan was a knight now but it turns out not only is he still in charge of anakin buT ALSO Ahsoka

- *is forcefully moved to his bed for a nap* *doesnt take nap* *is sat on* *takes nap*

[dameronology]

things we lost in the fire {obi-wan x reader}

summary: on a slow morning in tatooine, you and obi-wan reflect on how lucky you are to still have each other 

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of death 

another obi fic based on a bastille song?? more likely than you think!! but i swear, despite, all the warnings, this isn’t going to rip your heart out completely 

enjoy,

- val xx

Things had never been darker.

The stars still shone at night, silvers and steels and greys against the canvas of the midnight sky. The sun still came up everyday - doubly so on Tatooine. You woke up every morning to the twin suns blaring down on your new home, illuminating the place with a hauntingly golden glow. For a place that seemed to be so fundamentally built on black and white beliefs - good and bad, right and wrong, light and dark - the world seemed too bright. 

The stars shone at night. The sun still came up every day. The world seemed bright - but things had never seemed darker. 

You missed the life you had - no, you didn’t just miss it. You yearned for it. You ached for it. You wanted to wake up one of these particularly hot Tatooine mornings to find everything was just a dream; that Anakin was alive, that Padme was alive, that you still had a temple to come home to. Everything you’d ever loved had been thrown into the fiery pits of Mustafar, left to burn and turn to ash. 

Well, not everything.

You still had Obi-Wan Kenobi and you thanked the stars everyday for it. 

It was clear that he was hurting too - there was always a tinge of pain in his sarcastic quips, a sense of tiredness in his eyes whenever they creased with laughter. He was doing it for you, staying strong for you. He was holding you both up - after all, helping people was all he knew. Even when he’d lost everything, that didn’t change. 

Searching for positives was hard and after desperately seeking, you’d found a few. 

You were no longer sneaking around, so you could walk hand-in-hand through the winding streets of your local market together. You could lay-in every morning, not worried about meetings or missions or operations. The pressure to be a good Jedi was off and now you could just be together. It wasn’t much - but at the same time, it was everything.

It was a warm morning on Tatooine; the suns were high in the sky, even though it was barely 7AM. You were sprawled out on your mattress, sheets tangled in your legs from where you’d kicked them off in the night. The sunlight was streaming through the cracks in the curtains, showering you in a warm glow as you lazily stretched. You rolled over on your side, eyes falling on the half-awake man next to you.

Obi-Wan’s eyes were vacantly staring at the ceilings, lids heavy with post-sleep tiredness. Having sensed that you were awake, he lazily reached a hand out towards you, covering yours where it was splayed out on the mattress. You tangled your fingers with his, lighting squeezing his hand. 

‘You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?’ You quietly murmured. 

‘Always.’ He whispered back. 

You felt that - you really felt that. Anakin was always on your mind; not Darth Vader, not the twisted, dark person he’d become. Anakin. The cocky Jedi, the one who you’d called your best friend for years. He hadn’t died in the physical sense but emotionally and mentally, he was long gone. He’d gone insane trying to protect the woman he loved and he wasn’t coming back. 

You didn’t necessarily understand. You never could, but you were able resonate with his innate desire to stop at nothing for Padme. You would have crossed the galaxy ten times over and back to protect the man you loved. The panic you felt in the moments after Order 66, not knowing if Obi-Wan had survived was going to stick with you for a long time. 

The way you held each other, after colliding into one another in the middle of a jet? The way you cried, relief washing over you despite the fact that every you’d ever known was gone? That’s when you knew that you were never going to stray away from him again. Everything you’d argued about, everything you’d ever worried about or bickered about suddenly seemed so menial. It was the peak definition of not knowing what you had until you’d almost lost it.

But you hadn’t lost him - you’d got lucky. He’d got lucky too. 

‘I miss him too.’ You said. You softly brushed a few strands of hair out of his face, your free hand still holding his. ‘And I hate to say it, but there’s nothing we can do.’

You hated having to be the voice of reason - that had always been Obi-Wan’s job. It felt like a bit of a dick move to remind him that you could never return to your former life, but reality was harsh. It was a goddamned bitch. The acceptance of the situation had hit you like a ton of bricks and you couldn’t make it any easier for Obi-Wan. You wished that you could; that you could take his pain away and turn it into something better. All you could do was guide him through it in the same way he’d done for you every time that you’d been hurting throughout the years. 

‘I know.’ Obi-Wan finally turned to look at you, a forced smile playing on his lips. ‘I can’t help but think would what have happened if-’

‘- don’t think about the ifs.’ You cut him off. ‘Try as you might but you can’t change the past.’

‘I wish I could.’

You leant forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. ‘I know.’

With that, you shuffled out of bed, reaching down to grab a shirt. You pulled it over your head and slipped on your shoes, peaking over your shoulder at him as you did. You tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it faltered slightly. 

For once, you were trying to be the strong one. He had been your driving force for so long, the reason that you’d got out of bed in the morning. If you hadn’t had him after everything that had happened? You didn’t know where you’d be. You probably owed it to him to take the weight of everything for once.

‘I’m gonna go make some caff.’ You said.

‘I’ll be out in a moment.’

You stood up, the footsteps of your unlaced boots echoing off the walls as you headed through to the kitchen. Your dwelling was humble; big enough for both of you (and more, if that was what the future held). It felt like home for no other reason than the fact Obi-Wan was there with you. 

After assembling a semi-decent cup of caff, you kicked open your front door and headed outside. There was a small bench at the front of the house, overlooking the village ahead. The early morning sun was beating down on you, the air fresh and untainted. The day felt new - full of hope, despite everything. 

Pulling your knees up to your chest, you cupped the warm drink between your hands. The road ahead of you was still empty - most people around here were older, retired or out of employment. They didn’t rise until much later in the morning - you wished you were capable of that, but years as a Jedi had drilled early starts into your system. 

‘I don’t always think about the past.’

The sound of Obi-Wan’s voice announced his present. 

‘Yeah?’ You replied, tilting your head to face him. He was stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame. He had a cup of caff in one hand and a book in the other. ‘So what do you think about?’

‘You.’ 

Tossing the book to the doorstep with a dusty thump, the Jedi moved to take a set next to you. He reached his arm out towards you and without having to say anything, you dropped your feet to the floor and fell into his side. He pressed a kiss to your temple, hand gently carding through your hair. 

It was so domestic - so simple, so suburban and ordinary. But, behind your small gestures of affection and words of love, there were galaxies of grief. The place you were now might have seemed peaceful and quiet but the journey to get there had been anything but. Between you, you’d experienced enough loss and enough pain to last ten lifetimes. 

‘That’s a grand statement.’ You shot back.

‘A grand statement for a grand person.’

‘Oh, you always have been a sweet talker.’ You chuckled. 

‘I mean it.’ He replied. ‘I don’t say often enough how grateful I am for you.’

You peered up at him, a small sigh escaping your lips. ‘You don’t have to.’

‘I should though.’

‘And so should I.’ You shot back. ‘You have done everything for me since the day we met, Obi. I owe you so much-’

‘- you don’t owe me anything, darling.’ He softly murmured. ‘Simply staying by my side has put me in a lifetime of debt.’

You almost laughed at the thought of doing anything else. Staying with Obi-Wan had never even been a question - you were already packing your bags before he could even finish saying I’m moving to Tatooine. Neither of you had any idea where you were going, nor what you were doing. But, just like everything else, you were going to figure it out together. 

‘We’ll call it even.’ You leant up to kiss him, lips brushing against his.

‘I talk about what I’ve lost.’ He murmured, forehead resting on yours. ‘Anakin, Padme, the Jedi.’

That was the first time he’d said his name his everything had happened. It hurt - maker, it hurt - but the proud look on your face when it happened was almost enough to make it worth it. 

‘But I never talk about what I still have.’ He added. ‘You.’

‘You don’t need to talk about it.’ You shook your head. ‘I know the feeling.’

‘You do?’

‘Of course.’ You replied. ‘I think about that day all the time and all I can remember is that you were my first concern. I could only focus on finding you, on making sure that you were okay.’

‘You mean everything to me.’ Obi-Wan admitted. ‘You always have but even more so now.’

He hadn’t mean to become attached to you, even less so to indulge his addiction. Years ago, when you were both still sworn to a code, it had been hard. Choosing you over the very Order that he’d committed has life too had been a struggle - but now? He’d never been more grateful that he’d chosen you. 

‘It’s the same for you.’ You offered him a watery smile. ‘Guess we’re kinda stuck together, huh?’

‘Even if you strayed to the other side of the galaxy, we still have a Force connection.’ He reminded you. ‘So yes - I suppose we are stuck together.’

Obi-Wan was your backbone; the glue that held you together these days. It was easy to look at him as though he hung the stars in the sky - and as far as you were concerned, he did. You were living in dark times but he felt like the light at the end of the tunnel.

And, little did you know, but he felt the same. Having you by his side meant more to you than you’d ever realised. There was one specific second on the day of Order 66 that he held onto: the moment you met again, the moment that you tossed yourself towards him, not caring about whether or not he was going to catch you. That was when, despite everything, that he felt like things were going to be okay. 

The stars still shone at night. The sun still came up everyday. It felt like you were the reason why. 

tags: @cherieboba​ @valkyriesandbrokenhalos​ @cptnrex501​ @thespareoom​ 

[tennessoui]

Top 5 funniest ao3 tags you've read 👀

Omg 🤣😂☠️ ok y’all are testing my memory BUT the ones I generally love are

5. ____ is a Slut: tells me everything I need to know. I’m already hyped for the fic. Even better if they say “a little bit of a slut”

4. All the Sheev Palpatine Is Dead tags: get that anger out of yalls system…..it’s not healthy besties…kill him again, kill him violently 🙏

3. ____ Needs a Hug: especially if it’s followed by a tag that says whether or not they get a hug or not during the course of the story. Extra special mention to ____ Needs a Hug. ____ Gets a Dicking Down Instead.

2. Obi-Wan Kenobi has a Big Dick: glad we all agree so much some poor volunteer at ao3 had to make that an actual tag

1. No Beta We Die Like____: there’s nothing that unites every single fandom than like this and then the fandom specific reference that is usually very long and takes more time to type out than just saying This Work is Not Beta’d. I love humans. We’re awesome and just as funny as we think we are.

[no-droids]

DOVE HAS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MURDERED ME FUCK YOU WRITE OBI SO GOOD IT WAS PERFECT FROM START TO FINISH PART 3????? HEADCANONS ON WHAT THEY GET INTO OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS??? ANYTHING

OH YEAH

There are so many ways this could potentially go so as the author I humbly present three options of fics I’ll never write, all of them featuring one very obvious thing I wouldve been forced to acknowledge in a nonexistent part 3 and each one increasing in angst so if you’re a happy person that loves happy endings (LIKE MEEEEEE SO EVEN THE ANGSTY ONES WILL HAVE HAPPY ENDINGS BECAUSE WHY ELSE GO THROUGH ALL THAT MESS) then limit yourself to the first one

((also I am not going to make this sound flowy and coherent because I have not the time for it padawans so you’re gonna have to deal with my bullshit in all its unfiltered bullshit if you want my thoughts because in this house we wing it understand))

Very fluffy, very happy, slightly unrealistic headcanon:

You and Obi-Wan are like little RABBITS after this like not just for the rest of the ritual but the whole trip back, like yall bang it out for like a whole two weeks like nobody’s business and he can’t fucking get enough of you. Both go back to Coruscant, Obi-Wan asks the Council if he can oversee the whole training aspect of the new soldiers before they’re sent out into the war, he’s granted permission because he’s just given the republic the ultimate checkmate against the separatists so nobody’s gonna fuckin say SHIT. Y’all do everything and more that Obi-Wan first offered to you in those fantasies, and it’s hot and dirty and secret sex (IN A GREAT WAY) and you get to make eyes at each other when you pass in the halls and it’s TINGLY and maybe... maybe at some point your signature starts to change just a little bit, even more than when yall first did your thing on s’Ziscari and suddenly WHAT HOLY SHIT YOU PREGNANT???? and normally that would be such a SHOCK and OUTRAGE to have a PREGNANT JEDI IN THE ORDER except what the fuck is the council gonna do about it like? They literally ASKED for this, gave their blessing knowing full damn well that shit was a ritual of fertility and he would have to cum inside you for a week straight, knowing you weren’t on birth control because you’re a Jedi like there’s no reason for it, knowing that you did it to save the entire galaxy like WHAT THE FUCK IS THEY GON DO?? so oopsies BABY TIME BABY and I had that wonderful anon once who graciously informed us all that mundi was granted permission to uh. MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN due to extenuating circumstances so hell yeah you and Obi-Wan have a lil Jedi family and its great and everything is lovely and either you have a lil kid that has a soft lovely turquoise signature in the force OR you have twins and one of them has green energy and the other has blue the end

Slightly angstier headcanon:

Obi-Wan knows it’s wrong but he still wants it. He fucks you hard those six days and then the entire trip back, but once he goes back to coruscant around all the other jedi he starts bouncing back and forth between hot and cold because HE can’t handle it. But he still requests to stay on Coruscant because secretly he knows he won’t be able to resist you for long and then oop y’all got that force connection thingie so you know exactly what he’s thinking, you know how much he wants it and how much he’s still struggling with it and so you become a lil minx that continues to seduce him constantly, you start masturbating when you know he can hear you and thinking of very sexy kinky things that starts to drive obi-wan just a lil bit crazy in the head, but he’s STRONG and he got years of experience resisting his feelings for you. But then WHOOPS PREGNANT so that baby bump very quickly brings y’all back together because Obi never imagined he’d be a father, but then the council isn’t as cool this time about it and the only offer they present is that you have the baby quietly and the baby will join the academy as a youngling and y’all can’t ever tell them you’re their parents because it creates attachments. So you’re devastated but you understand and Obi-Wan gives you that non husband husband dick to make you both feel better and then you both grow old together, secretly in love and you get to watch your lil youngling grow into a excellent little jedi from afar and it’s kinda sad but at the same time it’s fitting for the setting so don’t come at me

ANGSTY HEADCANON:

Obi-Wan loses himself in the ritual for the rest of the six days but as soon as it’s over and done with, he realizes the gravity of what he just did and how Dark he allowed himself to become, and he FREAKS and turns away from his feelings because it’s what he’s been trained to do his entire life and he avoids your ass like the fucking corona even though y’all still have a permanent connection thingie in the force and he can feel your HURT but here’s the thing that’s just MORE DARKNESS, more of why he never wanted to do this to begin with and he can’t get alleviate that darkness without also giving into it so FUCK he just goes back to fighting and leaves you, just like you feared he would. And then suddenly OOPS PREGGO but without obi-wan there to stand up for the sacrifices you made, you get banished from the order and WHAT THE FUCK EVERYTHING BAD IS HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE and obi-wan can feel something through the force from across the universe (stolen, credit: The Beatles) and he STRUGGLES BITCH EVERY DAY HE STRUGGLES WITH THIS SHIT but then AHHHHHHH!! PALPATINE SCREECH because oh fuck that’s some good darkness right there mhm and the s’Ziscari just threw a wrench into everything so palpatine panics and uses everything that’s happening to TURN YOU SITH DUN DUN DUNNNNNN (if you’re reading this far I’m assuming you’re wondering why palpatine wasn’t ever mentioned in any of the other potential headcanons and theres a great reason for that tbh it’s because I’m an asshole author and I reserve the right to choose whatever storyline fits my whims at the time) BUT ANYWAYS so you go full on dark side baby and it’s sexy as fuck you got them slightly yellow eyes but before you can get too deep into it, obi-wan can feel that shit in the force and HE DROPS EVERYTHIGN TO GET YOU BACK BABY DONT FRET. he makes some big gesture idk and you forgive him and balance his light with your darkness again and he leaves the order for you and you both become grey jedi with a family with no affiliation to the order and live happily ever after the end

Anyways. feel free to ignore all of those and come up with your own ending instead! this is just me suggesting possibilities

[ethvn-torchio]

april fools crack headcanons

I'll do all except yoda because fuck you, that's why

big sigh @stillmourningtonystark​ dared me to do this because I mistakenly said I never wrote a crack fic before. this will be extremely cursed and i’m warning you to turn back now, im literally putting a cut here so yall dont accidentally read this. I’m so genuinely sorry this post exists. April fools? oh and there’s a surprise guest/dishonorable mention at the end.

(bitch there isn’t even a gif for Dex or Sandwich clone I’m)

Dating Jar Jar would include...

try as he might, I personally believe Jar Jar is not a very good boyfriend, generally speaking.

however, if you watched the boring episodes of TCW like I did, you know he 100% tapped that queen. Yes, Jar Jar Binks fucked a queen. so... canon states Jar Jar fucks, so here we are. sigh, here we go

Jar Jar a mad player. Lowkey a flirt and don’t ask me how, but you fr fr fell for him.

what that long ass tounge do tho 👅😜

is actually a sex god, the stupid senator act is all phony. this man gets mad pussy

yall don’t really like the same foods, as Jar Jar tends to eat raw frogs, insects, and fish mostly (this man does not cook his food fr fr), but he’s happy to try anything from your culture that you make.

you lowkey think he’s a sith lord (if you somehow don’t know, just google darth jar jar)

jar jar tries, but generally your relationship is purely for the sex 

Dating Dex Jettster would include...

(somehow, the idea of dating dex is more cursed than dating jar jar)

you met Dex while applying for a job at his diner. 

though he’s a little gross looking, once you get over that you find he’s actually quite sweet.

a workaholic, so when you do see him it’s pretty special 😍

you had a lot of time with him when he committed insurance fraud and got his diner burned down (yall think i’m joking? I’m not) and that was great for your relationship

i don’t have much to say about dex, but he’s probably a better boyfriend than jar jar

just based on his general body size (in his scene in aotc he’s fucking giant compared to obi wan) he probably has a big dick, so yall got that goin for you as a couple

100% a top

Dating Sandwich Clone would include...

sandwich clone is arguably the best person to date here. Like, he’s as close to a normal pick as you can get on this list.

Loves sandwiches and bread in general (omfg i miss breaddd, this bitch has no idea how lucky he is to eat space-gluten), will wake you up to say that he made you french toast or something.

he probably attracts a lot of attention at 79′s, because he’s so swag  pussy magnet over here

Like most of the the clones, straight up, he’s just good boyfriend material.

Clearly he’s pretty selfless considering he threw his beloved sandwich at Cad Bane, so yknow, he’s a brave boi :)

You sometimes think he loved sandwiches more than you ngl

sigh...

Dating P*ng Kr*ll would include...

this bitch is a fucking virgin if i’ve ever seen one

yall never even dated, this bitch said hello to you once and decided yall were dating in true incel fashion (i mean look at this creature, he just screams incel to me). you, along with the entire jedi order, rejoiced when he died. the end.