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#Okay whatever I can just update tags if I feel the need to Speak lol
hajihiko · 2 years
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when you find out your best friend went through A Lot Of Shit before you even met and wish earnestly that you had a time machine and a shotgun
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lieutenantfloyd · 1 month
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Could you do Beau Cyclone Simpson with wife reader where she surprise him with the news of her pregnancy? Just something fluff and cute. Tag me later! Thanks! :))
Speechless | Cyclone x Reader
Warnings: mentions of pregnancy and anxiety.
Authors note: This request has been living in my head rent free for over a week and has sent me down a rabbit hole of wholesome baby announcement tiktoks lol
Read on AO3
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You and Beau have been together for the better part of a decade, and married for over half of that time. Naturally, you've had plenty of conversations about starting a family throughout your relationship. The conversations confirmed that you were on the same page—"Whatever happens, happens." He'd murmured into the crook of your neck after a bit too much liquor—but always had a dreamy, hypothetical air to them. Even now, looking down at the soft linen onesie, "Hi, Daddy!" board book, and paperwork confirming your upcoming eight-week prenatal appointment, things still didn't feel quite real.
You arrange—and rearrange—the items in the gift basket until your house's silence is interrupted by the sound of the front door closing. You glance at the clock on the bedside table and notice it's only six o'clock in the evening. Typically Beau wouldn't be home this early, but you know that today's doctor's appointment followed by your vague updates afterward had inevitably left him worried.
You'd never known your husband to be a man of grand gestures and even less one to make bold declarations of love. Yet you had learned early on in your relationship that he was a man who shined brightest when in the traditional role of a provider. The fine details—from managing your monthly bills and ensuring that there was a fresh bouquet of flowers on your bedside table each week—was one area that he took serious pride in.
Maybe that's why you didn't argue when he scheduled a doctor's appointment for you in the first place. An appointment you had attended simply to silence the alarm bells going off in the mind of your darling—if not overprotective—husband. Though just as luck would have it, a blood test revealed that what you'd chalked up to be a rather strong bout seasonal allergies was actually the symptoms of your first trimester.
Hearing the clank of his keys against the table downstairs, you take a seat on the bed. Your heart rate picks up as he calls out to you. You tell him you'll be right down as you pull the basket into your lap. With a heavy breath, you give it a final look over before gripping the wooden handles and pacing out of the room.
His back is facing you as you enter the kitchen. He perks up at the sound of your footsteps, but you speak before he has the chance to turn around.
"I have a surprise, but I need you to close your eyes." You say, pushing down the butterflies fluttering wildly in your stomach.
 He hums lowly in response, and you move around him once you see his posture shift as his remaining senses go on high alert. Despite the butterflies, you can't help the smile that breaks out on your face as you place the basket on the kitchen island in front of him.
"Okay, you can open your eyes now."
His blue eyes flicker open and immediately land on you. You give him a soft, reassuring smile and nod downwards. His gaze follows yours, and you watch closely as he takes in what's in front of him. Even after years together, you can't help but melt as a look of graceful concentration floods his handsome features.
As expected, he bypasses the other items in favor of examining the paperwork. Your heart hammers in your chest as his eyes scan the page. The look on his face shifts into one of loving softness as everything clicks into place in his head.
"You're-"
"-pregnant."
The word barely leaves your mouth before he drops the papers and pulls you into his arms. His strong hands run over the small of your back as he places a kiss atop your head. You stay like this—sheltered in each other's embrace—for several beats. Eventually, he pulls away, though only far enough for you to adjust and see the smile blooming on his face. One of his hands departs your back, only to find purchase against your cheek. Another beat passes before he shakes his head as if in disbelief.
"I don't know what to say..." he voices softly.
"Are you happy?"
"I'm over the moon." He smiles.
Your heart screams at you to kiss him, only for him to be faster. Your lips meet gently, though not an ounce of passion is missing from the kiss. Whatever fear and anxiety that you had still been holding onto vanished in an instant. He pulls away and leans down to place a peck against your shoulder, which he does only when falling deep into thought. You raise a hand and run your fingers through his short cropped hair before inquiring about what’s on his mind.
"A to-do list, along with a list of potential nursery paint colors."
His words make your heart swell, but you can’t pass up the opportunity to press his buttons just a little.
"Can we at least make it through our first official doctor's visit before you start drafting schematics?"
"Preparation is the key to success." He states matter-of-factly, only to earn a sarcastic eye roll from you.
"Hey,” he says while poking at your side, “you knew exactly who I was when you married me."
“Isn’t hindsight is 20/20?” You respond playfully.
A crease forms between his eyebrows as he feigns offense, though it’s only seconds before he joins you in laughter. Watching your face light up, he shakes his head softly before capturing your lips for another kiss.
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Taglist: @pear-1206 @marchingicenotes7 @bayisdying @princessofglitterland @bella-law @callsignaries @katesmadness @oliviah-25 @luckyladycreator2 @shakira-sasha @xoxabs88xox @fanboyluvr @alexxavicry @madamemelancholysstuff @paola-carter @barbiewritesstuff @dozcan123 @withakindheartx @nyx2021 @teti-menchon0604 @kmc1989
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steddietism · 6 months
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« much more than i bargained for »
little warning uh im a minor !! nsfw blogs dni please ^_^
summary — steve goes in for snacks, and comes out with a FAT crush.
promt — ‘ candy ‘
this will have multiple chapters that i will post whenever i have the energy to write more ^_^ im often busy with school+homework ++ so dont expect weekly updates or whatever LOL
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Steve sighs as he enters the shop, the little one at the top of his street, right at the corner. There’s music playing through the speakers, but not the usual kind he hears at the shops. Steve wants to say it’s— cooler? Yeah, cooler.
He bobs his head to the beat a little as he wanders inside, a high-pitched bell ringing as he does. The guy working the till’s head shoots up at the sound, like he’s scared or something. He makes eye contact with Steve, before smiling softly and looking back down.
Steve lets his eyes trail down his body, following his arms, down to his hands, where they’re holding a magazine between his slender legs, which are hanging off an old wooden stool.
He’s got tattooed wrists, and forearms, and hands. His fingers are decorated with delicate little designs, which are mostly covered with his many rings. Steve notices one in particular, a silver band with two little bat wings. It matches the tattoo just under his elbow, the one of a swarm of bats. His eyes begin to travel back up, spotting a bunch of, what look like, homemade bracelets on one of his wrists. They have words, but it’s not like Steve can read them, not from this far away.
It’s a few minutes before Steve realises he literally hasn’t peeled his eyes off the cashier, or even moved at all. He snaps back into reality when another customer enters, ringing the bell behind him.
Fuck, what was he in here for again? Oh— yeah, snacks. Candy. Robin and Nance are probably bored of waiting for him. Or not, Steve doesn't think they could get bored even if they tried, not when they have a house to themselves.
Steve finally moves, and he swears to God, every single one of his bones have been replaced with jelly.
As he wonders around the shop, crossing the different foods Robin requested off his list, he makes a mental note of how much money he’s gonna need.
A dollar fifty, three dollars, four dollars and ninety-nine cents.
He ends up with candy, and drinks, which all amounts to ten dollars and fifty cents.
Steve sort of doesn’t notice that he’s at the counter ‘til the guy behind it asks if he wants a bag. They’re so close now, Steve can see what he looks like up close. He has these gorgeous eyes, that sort of droop down at the ends. Thick, dark, eyelashes that cast a shadow on his cheeks. And, most notably, long, curled hair. A rich, dark brown colour. Strands of it lay on his shoulders, almost blocking the view of the badge on his shirt, his name tag, that says ‘Eddie’, in little, blue letters.
“Do you? Want a bag, I mean,” Eddie repeats, seemingly now a little annoyed. Steve watches his lips when he speaks, and, fuck, he’s pierced. Angel fangs, Steve recalls in his head. That’s what they’re called, the ones that look like sharp, shiny teeth. He wonders what they’d feel like if he kissed Eddie, how they contrast of his plush, warm lips with cold, hard metal would feel. The thoughts send a wave of heat rushing through Steve’s belly.
“No, I— I’m okay, I’ve got my own,” he says, pulling his rucksack off his shoulders and unzipping it.
Eddie just smiles that same, soft smile, tells Steve how much money he needs to give him.
And Steve gives him the money, wordlessly. He puts his shopping in his bag, wordlessly. And he looks back up at Eddie, again, wordlessly. Like he’s expecting him to do something else. Or maybe he’s waiting on himself to do something.
Eddie swears he can hear the cogs turning in Steve’s brain.
“Well— okay, uh, bye, thank you!” Steve smiles, and practically sprints out of the shop.
He rushes home with a million thoughts in his head, the main one being something along the lines of ‘why, in the absolute fuck, didn’t you ask for his number? Or at least try to make small talk?’
Steve can’t answer that. He doesn't know why.
Well, there’s always next time.
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PSA:
Getting some new folks I think?? SO let's go over some stuff I gotta kinda re-add to the blog XD
I'm J!MMY and I run the blog and scribble the shit. I'm a 30+ mentally ill queer dude with scoliosis so like...I barely function obviously lmao. My pronouns are strictly he/him/his only (though they/them/theirs is acceptable if you were unaware and needed a default!) and I like alcohol and cats. Yes you can just call me Adam if it's easier lol
Speaking of alcohol I actually am an alcoholic of the sorts IRL and I WILL party frequently with alcohol, weed, and other substance abuses so probably don't follow if you have a problem with those things :U I'LL AT LEAST TRY TO TAG AND SHIT!! No I don't want help either so don't preach at me that is neither here nor there when it comes to running the blog
The blog is highly NSFW and kink friendly! There are obviously some "kinks" that are excluded for equally obvious reasons but overall most are welcome and I don't judge! Fav kinks to draw/RP include various BDSM, spanking, tickling, and stuffing/inflation/etc.
OBVIOUSLY MINORS DNI!! Neither mun nor muse!!!
We're only semi-serious here okay?? In fact we're pretty fuckin unhinged half the time so LET'S JUST GET THAT OUTTA THE WAY-
I post OOC too much a lot but you can shut me up with the "shut up j!mmy" tag. Also I post all sorts of crazy pics of myself and 95% of the time I'm not wearing a shirt so deal with it
You can send RPs OR asks and horny anons are ALWAYS welcome lmao
Ships I'm into are Adam/Lucifer (my main verse being with my IRL partner @dreamerlucifer but like it's open lol), Adam/Lute, Adam/Mammon, and Adam/Adam but I'm really down to ship with whoever as long as we have chemistry!
OC, doubles, and whatever else friendly! As long as you're cool and you and your muse are both of age then I'm down!
Me, Lucifer, and my little circle of Cool People hang out in our little HH/HB based (I use that very loosely btw lmao) Discord server so feel free to join in if you're 18+! Make sure to tell your age as soon as you join so we can process getting you in there though okay lol
UUUUUUHHHHHH...??? I dunno there's probably more I'll update whenever lmao
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chemicalarospec · 1 year
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hold up guys I am being plagued with visions of Magical Girl L
okay so everyone's heard of talking cat Ryuk, but now get ready for: talking cat Watari
he's actually a wizard who's been trapped in this form and there's a whole arc about breaking that spell
but at the end he decides he likes being a cat better (to the great exasperation of L) so he only turns back into an old man when L needs him to
he's got his Wizard Realm Tower (of books and knowledge)
yeah Prince of Darkness Light Yagami is cool and all but personally I feel like high-concept AUs that cast Light as an Open Villain miss the whole point of him being a liar in plain sight
so you know have most Magical Girls have a team of friends? L has NO FRIENDS
also idk what like his powers are. Magical Girl is just a category of its own, right? I'm between a girl outfit and a prince outfit (like one in a fic I read) tho.
well, he has no friends... until he meets Light!
and they start vanquishing The Forces of Evil or whatever it is Magical Girls do together
until Light gains a black Book of Forbidden Knowledge
yes that's right I'm creating a new plot of Magical Girl (I think) and there's gonna be BETRAYAL.
Ryuk is NOT a cat btw. I think it's really funny if the scary shinigami are just there in this magical girl aesthetic. they're probably the Evil being fought
it's not the Death Note btw it like teaches him Black Magic and Ryuk tries to convince him to come over to the Dark Side and stuff
oh maybe Misa and Matsuda can also be Magical Girls. I haven't really thought about the other characters.
anyways from here we have two choices: he's just evil and they fight and stuff or
Light CORRUPTION ARC and we return to a more typical Magical Girl plot by having L save him from the corruption of the Evil Black Magic and stuff.
also I think Light's Magical Girl costume should become increasingly black during this arc and when L asks why he's like. "I spilled a pen on it."
it's important to note that in Show Form we see Light's POV as this happens but if I were to write a fic (which. so sad! I don't think I'll be able to) it would only follow L's POV -- one would only have hints of what was going on with Light up until the Big Reveal
maybe a flashback then? I like a big villain monologue though while L sits there thinking "damn! my one friend!"
but yeah speaking of turning this to prose... still working on my last big fic project, so not gonna happen on my own. It'd be cool to work together with someone on it but if you want to do something with this idea just make sure to send it to/tag me! (& credit, but only as much as I have here that's original -- I'm kinda hoping if I search there's already a fic of Magical Girl L because it seems like an easy idea to have lol)
oh update-edit: had the wild messed-up idea that after Light turns to the Dark Side once, L and the gang pull the most effed up move that would never be in a Magical Girl show, and erase his memory.
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viscountessevie · 2 years
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The Viscountess’ Re-Introduction
Hello and welcome to my newly revamped blog! Due to some privacy issues that occurred a couple weeks ago, this decision has been on my mind for a while and I finally settled what I needed to settle with my previous username and I am now starting semi-a fresh! 
Okay firstly, I do not want to use my old name publicly anymore - its just not something I am comfortable with strangers knowing it. So whoever knew me as the name I used to go by, please treat it as a dead name, thank you. 
Instead on my blog/ask/referring to me on here, you can just call me Viscountess/Vi, Evie if you really want lol or use my Callsign, Sahara that stemmed from my side blog which has a lot of Top Gun content lol. Feel free to tag my stuff as #The Viscountess tag or #Sahara tag (I am leaning towards the former for myself cos its cooler ahahha) 
What does this change mean for my blog: I will still be posting Bridgerton stuff, it just won’t solely be a Bridgerton blog anymore. I’m dipping my toe into the HR world and started off recently with the later half of The Wallflowers Series by Lisa Kleypas! I’ve also made Mr. Malcolm’s List my entire personality irl so it would be nice to blog about it!
TLDR: new people feel free to follow me if you like the following: HR novels/blogging, The Wallflowers Series, Mr. Malcolm’s List, Alexis Hall [Imma be reading A Lady for A Duke after Devil in Winter woo hoo] also feel free to like or comment on this so I can follow you back!
For my current followers/moots: I totally understand if you want to unfollow me because of this change but if you still want to follow me for just my Bridgerton content, I’ll be tagging my other HR posts as #Not Bee Show for yall to block/filter. I will also be using the tag Bee Show instead of Bridgerton unless its something pressing I need everyone to see. I just don’t want to be on the main tag anymore. Speaking of tags, all my old asks will be now tagged as Bridgerton Asks cos I want to separate that from future asks and from my old name. Future asks will be tagged as #The Viscountess Answers 
I was going to add my fic and works links but I think I’ll make a new Masterlist once I’ve revamped my AO3 too. Will update this post with the link to that post when it’s ready! 
Anyways any other questions (that don’t include my old name or user - everyone that needs to know, knows who I was before); feel free to drop it in the comments, my DMs or ask which I’ll be opening again later tonight after I clear some of my older fun ones! 
Final Note: This goes without saying but NO BIGOTS ALLOWED ON THIS BLOG!
I dunno why this isn't obvious and common sense but: DO NOT send ANYONE death threats
We are going to rise above the bigots and just call out their shit - no need to send them nasty anons because it's not nice, we don't need to sink to their level and also they aren't worth it.
Also @ haters: you want to send me anon hate for whatever reason? Take a second look at my icon and remember I used to be a marksman in high school.
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insertdisc5 · 3 years
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Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!
thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)
spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk
not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts
-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol
-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!
-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)
-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN
-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD
-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;
-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)
-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste
-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.
-noelle. noelle. girlboss!
-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself
-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!
-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.
-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!
-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in
-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!
-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.
-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)
-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)
-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp
-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like
-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES
-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.
-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?
-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?
-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!
-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows
-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0
-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing
-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you
-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard
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that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk
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sierrascribbles · 2 years
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Hello i’m sorry to bother you, but i’m trying to start up my new writing blog (it’s my first time trying to do smth like this!) and was hoping you could explain how you get the colour lines/headers which separate your work from the title and if you had any other tips for when first starting out! of course don’t feel the need to answer this or anything! but if you do thank you very much!
aw im excited for u if u decide to do it !!! and of course its no problem lmao .... when i make dividers i typically just pick a color i like after playing around a bit and crop it skinny enough for tumblr lol ... i use the free online photoshop (photopea) to make all my stuff
as for advice, i'll leave it under the cut <3
okay first its very helpful to get a shout-out from a bigger blog/start out just writing something that you wanna write about (if u want me to shout u out i totally dont mind lol). it helps especially if you do both bc that way when people come to your blog they see how you write!!
it doesn’t matter what you write about, really, just write what you feel like writing!! don’t force yourself to write something just bc it’s request, i’ve found that forcing myself to write something makes the writing worse than it would be if i was in the mood for writing that certain request.  
going along with this, make sure to set rules for your blogs and get a theme!! it makes it more attractive i guess? lmao there’s a lot of free themes you can find if you just search for ‘em . get creative bestie
update whenever u want to!! fanfiction is free so you shouldn’t feel like you owe it to your followers to post every request as soon as you receive them!! + also, at some point your going to get writer’s block. it’s inevitable. just take a however long break and either don’t write or just write what you feel!!! or just answer asks n dick around like i do lolol
make sure you connect with your followers!! whether its through playing dumb ask games or just talking to the void lmao. just be urself B)
make sure your writing is formatted correctly. nothing turns people off than just a chunk of text with no edits. use bulltetpoints when necessary, make sure you use paragraph breaks every time a new event happens, when there’s a time skip, EVERY TIME SOMEONE NEW SPEAKS!!! it’s easier for readers because everything doesn’t seem to run-on.
use read mores. oh my gosh it’s awful when you’re going through the tags n you see a 10k word fic that doesn’t have a read more so you have to scroll for miles. it may seem small but trust me, TRUST ME, it helps.
TAG YOUR FICS/HEADCANONS/WHATEVER!!!!!!!! a lot of new people will find ur blogs through the tags so make sure to tag everything u can think of lol . as long as they're relevant to what ur writing lol
just be confident! don’t start something off with “this sucks but…” NO! it doesn’t suck !!!! + if it’s a little ooc, who cares… different people interpret characters differently! go crazy !!!
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hashimada-week · 2 years
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Interest Check Q & A
Update 1/30
We were planning on answering all of the questions after the interest check closed, but since there were some recent asks with similar questions, we decided it’d be a better idea to go ahead and post the Q & A and update it as we go along. Below are all the current questions and links to our general FAQs (these questions have been added there too) and our rules page. Please check both of them out! Thank you for such a great response to the interest check so far!
Will there be progress checks?
Typically, there are no progress checks for Week Events, but this sounds super fun and a great way to get people excited! So yes, there will be a completely optional progress check/sneak peek a month before the event starts, date tbd. Tag any sketches/excepts/etc. with #hashimadaweek2022sneakpeek on Tumblr or Twitter and we’ll reblog it! (You can also @ us too on either platform.) Again, this is 100% optional and if you share a sneak peek, you are not obligated to finish/post the work for the event itself. This is just for fun!
What if I want to write something in your rule's 'not allowed' list?
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Yes! As long as the fic is focused on hashimada and the rest of our rules are followed, feel free to interpret any prompt in the most angsty, heart-wrenching way possible!
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harryhandstan · 4 years
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This concept has been in my head for a while now and it took me like a month to write and edit and just get it all out! I had surgery two years ago today and it was one of the most emotional, stressful experiences of my life simply bc I’m just a big baby lol. This is just something to celebrate that day and the fact that I’m still so happy it’s all over! Fluffy af as usual cause that’s all I know how to write. :)
Thankful to @bfharry​ and @bopbopstyles​ for not only inspiring me with their amazing writing but pushing me towards finishing this and reaching (even going over) my personal 5k goal! I appreciate you both so much!!
I recently saw a post about tagging triggers properly so I’m gonna do it that way but if I do it wrong or it doesn’t work PLEASE let me know and I will fix it immediately (just want to be sure all my bases are covered)
// needles tw, pills tw (prescription), anxiety tw // (if I missed anything I should’ve tagged please please let me know!!) and I’m sure there are some medical inaccuracies bc that whole day is kind of a blur for me haha 
as always likes/rbs/comments are welcome but absolutely not necessary :) 
final word count: 7.1k
//
"Y'nervous, angel?"
"Hmm?"
"Bout to chew your finger off. I know there can't be much of a nail left."
Your hand drops back to your lap. You hadn't even realized you were doing it. A bad habit of the nervous child you thought you'd long forgotten. He offers his left hand and you accept it, thumb swiping over the cross painted across his skin. He knows it's one of your favorites and you're thankful for the comfort. You don't know how many times he'd teased you about how you would eventually rub it off one day and he'd have to get it redone.
"S'a routine surgery, I bet they do them all day. You're gonna be fine."
You'd been over all this a thousand times before. Harry had to ban you from looking up the procedure online at one point. You became obsessive with worry. What if you're still awake when they cut into you and you can't talk? What if you feel everything and can't tell anyone? What if you don't wake up? He had shot down every one of your horrifying theories.
"How much longer before they take me back?"
"Nurse said it would be about 10 minutes when we checked in. Shouldn't be too much longer. Want me to check the board again?"
Checking in had only consisted of a nurse taking your name and giving you your bracelet for the day with an ID number. The number would help Harry stay updated on where you were throughout the whole process. The "board" was simply a tv mounted to the wall that frequently cycled through each patient's last name and ID number.
"No, no," You cling to his sleeve like a desperate child, "Don't leave again. She said they wouldn't update anything until I went back anyway."
Harry had left you only briefly when you first arrived. Hands in his pockets, wandering around like a lost child around the big, open expanse of the waiting room. He stayed where you could see him and the whole time you had anxiously chewed your bottom lip until he returned. You hated it, but you knew he was just as nervous as you. So you let him have that moment. To check his surroundings and release some of the nerves so he could come back to you, calm and cool as always.
When the nurse does call your name, you almost jump out of your skin. You freeze, unable to move. Harry stands and flashes the nurse a quick smile before turning back to you and offering his hand.
You shake your head, "I can't do this, H. I feel like I'm gonna throw up if I move."
"You're not, promise. Remember those breathing exercises we practiced? Do those. C'mon..deep breath in. Pause. Slowly let it out. Do it while we walk."
Slow deep breath in. Pause. Slowly let it out.
You remember how silly you felt the first time you did it. How it made you giggle at first. This is never going to work. But eventually it did. Anytime you got upset or started to overthink about this day, Harry made you stop whatever you were doing and sit down. Breathe.
It was a little difficult to do while walking. Your body wanted to pause your steps when your breath paused, but Harry tugged you along, you almost hiding behind him until you made it through a set of heavy wooden doors to a small space with a hospital bed and a curtain drawn in front of it.
//
The IV had had been your biggest dread, the fear overriding any logic that it was something you needed, instead of something the nurses decided to do simply to torture you.
Your face twists into a wince of pain when the needle goes into your vein, Harry standing over you, his face a mirror of your own as you squeeze his hand. When the nurse pulls away with a triumphant "all done!" you flash a look of surprise between your arm and Harry.
"Not that bad, eh? Think ya overreacted a bit about how bad that was gonna be?" He raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to shoot him a nasty look for teasing you.
"Maybe a little." You pinch your index finger and thumb together, indicating a minimal amount.
"Tiny bit more, babe," Another nurse appears from around the curtain and he laughs before speaking to her, "it's all she's worried about all morning."
"Honestly that's everyone's least favorite part. The rest of the day should be aces if you can handle that!"
Harry settles himself into a chair while the nurse goes through a myriad of questions. Any other surgeries? Allergies to medications you know of? Do you smoke? Drink?
Harry snorts when you say no to drinking, but quickly clasps his hand over his mouth when the nurse's head snaps to look between you and him.
"The occasional drink is fine, no worries. Nothing this morning though, right?"
"No, ma'am."
Your eyes meet his, a mischievous grin still plastered across his face. He mumbles a quick "sorry" while you try to pull your concentration back towards the nurse and the remainder of her questions.
"Alright, time for the good stuff," she passes you a small clear cup with two white pills, "First one is just something to keep you calm and relaxed, second one is to prevent any pain after the procedure. They'll give you something to make you sleepy when you get to the OR, but this might make you a bit loopy for now."
"This should be fun." Harry claps his hand in front of him, rubbing them together quickly. He leans forward in his chair, as if ready for a show.
"Yeah? Is she a happy drunk?"
Harry had only ever experienced you high on any sort of prescription medication once, almost a year ago when you went on a girl's trip with your best friend and twisted your ankle in an attempt to make it back to her car after dinner out one night. You calling him from an unknown ER in the middle of the night had terrified him enough to start packing a bag to fly to you before your best friend could grab your phone and assure him you were fine and she would put you on a plane home to him in two days as planned. He had teased you endlessly when he picked you up from the airport and for the next few days afterwards as you limped around on a bruised, ACE bandage wrapped foot.
But after too many wine drunk nights to count, he had enough stories to humiliate you with and the thought of any one of them being told now had you sinking further into the hospital bed.
"You could say that. Last time she.." His voice trails off at the sight of your eyes, wide as saucers, begging him to stop.
The nurse grins, her face kind and sympathetic to your silent cry for help.
"We're a little behind schedule this morning so it may be about 20 minutes before they come transport you, okay?" You nod, the effects of the sedative already working its way through your system, "Keep an eye on her? Make sure she behaves?"
"Yeah, I got her. We'll be fine, thank you so much." He's closer now, standing next to you again, a hand sliding up your arm to settle on your shoulder. You manage a thumbs up and a sleepy "thank you" as an affirmation that you appreciate all she's done for you.
"You're more than welcome. You'll have a different set of nurses in recovery but if you need anything until they come get you, just let me know, alright?"
"We will, thanks." His thumb ghosts across the front of your collarbone, the lightest of touches to soothe you, his eyes still focused on the nurse.
"Good luck! You're gonna do just fine, I promise."
The second she's around the curtain, Harry nudges you lightly, "Scoot."
"Huh? What do you mean..Harry, there's not enough room for you in this bed." Your head feels too light to deal with his nonsense now.
"Yeah there is if you scoot. C'mon. Hurry before we get caught. M’supposed to be keeping an eye on you, remember? Gotta make sure you don't fall outta the bed."
He's already wedged himself next to you, trying to make his tall frame fit into the limited space.
You move over as much as you can, the rail of the bed poking into your hip.
He tucks one arm behind your head, the other one thrown behind his own as a cushion.
"You feel more relaxed now, lovie?"
You scrunch down in the bed, just enough that you can tuck your head under his other arm, "A little. I don't feel sleepy enough though," Your eyes dart up, seeking the comfort of his face, "I'm scared, H."
"I know you are, baby," the hand behind your head shifts to cup around your arm, pulling you closer, "Just pretend you're home with me and we're taking a nice little nap together, yeah?"
"But you won't be there with me, not really."
"I'll be there when you wake up though. First thing you'll see when you open your eyes, promise." He runs a finger along the curve of your nose, "Close your eyes. Try to sleep, hmm?"
You shake your head, turning towards him to hide your face in his side, inhaling his scent.
"Want me to turn the light off? Would that help?"
"No," You toss the arm that isn't trapped between you two over him, holding tightly to his shirt, "Stay."
"Alright, then. We'll just wait," He tilts his head to rest closer to yours, "Have you thought about what you want to eat after?"
"Not really. M'too nervous to think about food."
"We'll think of something good. Whatever you want."
"You're gonna get us in trouble, better scoot back to your corner like a good boy." Your words come out unintentionally slurred and you weakly push yourself up and away from him as he slides off. He doesn't sit though, just stands near you, an anxious look flashing across his features.
"Hey, c'mere. Gonna be fine, routine surgery, remember?" You stretch your arms out to him, a plea to be near his warmth again.
He sits on the edge of the bed, facing you. You tug lightly at the sleeve of his cardigan, a feeble attempt to pull him closer. He indulges you, his brow still creased with distress.
"Know ya gonna be fine, just hate you have to go through it at all. Wish I could take it from you without all this." He gestures to the IV he knows you despise so much.  
"You have helped take it from me. All the sleepless nights you spent up with me, holding my hair back when I got sick. All the days after when I was too drained to get out of bed. You were there for as much of it as you could be. And you pushed me to go see the surgeon in the first place. You've helped me more than you give yourself credit for."
His fingers intertwine in yours, the pad of his thumb soothing over the front of your hand.
"Make sure you keep my phone with you, my mom will probably call you every 30 minutes for updates." A yawn stretches across your face, "She has your number too, bullied me into giving it to her last week when I called to tell her about the surgery."
He nods, patting his pocket to make sure both phones are still nestled there together.
Another yawn threatens to escape and you muffle it this time, more content to fight sleep to stare at Harry; his hair a perfect mess of curls under the harsh brightness of the hospital lighting. His face is more relaxed now, his eyes still focused on your fingers tangled together. He catches you, your eyes glazed over, too heavy and threatening to close.
"Darling, please close your eyes. I can see how tired you are," His fingertips sweep delicately over your nose again, as if he was lulling a baby to sleep, "You don't have to stay awake for me."
"Closing my eyes for just a second, alright? Not because you told me to though. I want to. Wake me up in 2 hours, don't wanna sleep too long."
Your eyes are already drifting closed, the last thing you hear is a chuckle; effortless, light as air, "I will, promise."
Soft kisses pressed across your face, "Sweet dreams, love."
//
His voice is the first you hear as you wake up in the dimly lit recovery room. Well, really it was more like a big cubicle, another space with a curtain drawn in front of it. Even with the floaty, dreamy feeling flowing through your system, you can still detect the worry in his voice.
"Harry?" It takes your mind a minute to catch up and process where you are and what had happened.
Oh yeah. Surgery day. No more annoying gallbladder. No more sleepless nights. Freedom to eat what you want and not be haunted by nausea and sickness from what you ate.
"How are you feeling? Any pain?" Suddenly a nurse in bright blue scrubs is there, way too animated and loud at the moment, "Pain scale 1-10?"
"I don't have any pain. Zero." You're aware of how high you sound and a giggle escapes through the haze. That earns you a smile from Harry, one that lights up his whole face and makes his dimples shine through.
"Awesome! Well then as soon as you're good and awake we're gonna get this IV out and go over some paperwork for both of you to sign. I want you to drink something for me too, so what would you like?"
You request a ginger ale and as soon as the nurse leaves to retrieve it for you, Harry scoots the chair he's sitting in as close to the bed as possible.
"How long was I out?"
"Couple of hours," He absentmindedly fixes your hair, looping various curls back around to their respective places, "Took a little longer than expected, you had a small infection so they had to make sure it hadn't spread."
"How much longer?"
"Long enough you had us all slightly worried." His hand trails down your cheek to cup your chin gently, urging you to look at him, "You sure you're not in pain? Now's not the time to do that stubbornly brave thing you do where you pretend nothing's wrong."
"I feel fine, really. Just a little tired, ready to go home."
He studies your face, trying to find any trace of dishonesty. When he's satisfied you're being truthful, he stands and extracts your phone from his pocket.
"Already talked to ya mum, but your co-workers were all texting you, asking how you were. Figured you'd want to handle that yourself, didn't know how much detail you would want to give them."
"Did you give my mother all the details? Infection and everything?"
"Um, no. I knew better than to do that. Promised her you would call when I got you settled at home."
"You promised or she demanded?"
"Okay..she politely asked that you call her when we get home."
"That sounds more like her." You roll your eyes, pushing yourself so you're sitting more upright in the bed.
"She just worries about you." He adjusts the pillow behind you, fluffing and tucking it where you direct it, against your lower back.
"I know. I'll FaceTime her when we get home to prove I'm alive."
"It's been a while since we've seen them, maybe we should plan a visit?" He plops himself back in the chair, leaning back as far as he can go; hands behind his head, eyes closed. You'd both gotten very little sleep the night before, you were too anxious and he was too gracious to let you suffer alone.
"Oh please, I'm lucky I even got time off to do this. My boss would never allow another break so soon."
"Maybe for the holidays?"
"Maybe..but only if you can go with me, you know they love you more than me by now anyway."
"They do not," He peeks one eye open at you, "They love us both equally."
You shoot a quick text to your co-workers, using the group chat between the few of you to make it easier.
I'm out! Feeling okay for now but that might change later lol
The nurse is back, apologizing for taking so long, "We've been so behind all day, it's crazy busy. I had to wait for your doctor to sign off on your release." She hands you a can of ginger ale, white bendy straw already poised and ready for you.
"Just need you to sign here," She holds a clipboard and a pen out to you and you balance the can dangerously in one hand while you scribble something that resembles your signature. Close enough. She gestures for you to pass the clipboard to Harry, "His signature goes under yours, just says he's responsible for you for the next few hours until everything wears off."
"This means I'm the boss, right?" He leans over to grab the board, a wink thrown in your direction. He's enjoying himself way too much at the thought of being in control of you for the next few hours. Smug son of a bitch.
She takes the clipboard back and pulls off a yellow sheet of paper, "This is just your copy of what you signed, and also has post op instructions for your bandages. Your prescription's been sent to the pharmacy, and there's a brief summary of pain management information on the bottom there just in case you need it."
"Thank you." You transfer it right to Harry's waiting hand, knowing he'll be the one surveying every word, making sure you follow everything to the letter.
"I know you mentioned earlier having a little bit of a drive home, so probably once you get her some food and pick up her prescriptions, it'll be time for another round of meds. Okay?" She turns to you again, "I know it sounds silly, but one of the most important things after this particular surgery is lots of walking. Otherwise you'll be miserable. Rest for a while when you get home, then get up every 10 minutes or so until bedtime. Don't let her skip that part, alright? Very important."
"I heard you weren't a big fan of this thing," She nods towards the IV in your right forearm, "So this'll probably be the best part of this whole process for you. We'll get this out and then you can get changed and we'll get someone to wheel you down and out of here, alright? Don't look and you won't even know when it's gone."
"Hey, think about what you want to eat, huh? Your first freedom meal. Yay!" He slips his hand into your left, raising your connected hands victoriously. You didn't think it was possible for you to love him anymore until this moment. The way he could so easily erase your fear was one of his many gifts you adored him for, "What are we having, babe?"
You don't even hesitate before answering, "Pizza, from Milano's. It's my favorite, other than that one place in Italy you took me to. Please? Oh and one of their salads, with the little bread knots on the side!"
He glances at the nurse, awaiting a reprimand for your meal choice.
"As your nurse, I feel I should remind you that while you can have anything you feel like eating, we usually recommend something small and light at first. Broth or soup with some toast, maybe. The salad may be fine, but the pizza might be a little heavy. Taking it slow would be best. But everyone is different."
"So..just cheese then? Maybe some mushrooms?"
You let your head fall back against the pillow, a foggy haze settling over you, "Plain cheese, no mushrooms."
"Alright, sounds good. Why don't I go call it in and pull the car around? Meet you out front?" He leans closer, a quick peck to your cheek before pulling his hand loose from yours and turning to leave.
"Hey, wait," You attempt to tug at his wrist, but fail, your brain still set to slow-motion. He takes pity on you and returns to your side, "Let's eat there. It's in the mall so we can window shop after we eat."
"You sure? You still seem a bit tipsy, honey."
You don't feel tipsy. Just tired, and hungry. Very hungry. As if on cue, your stomach makes a remarkably loud noise; an objection at not being fed for the past 12 hours.
"Alright, alright, calm down. " You let out an embarrassed groan when you realize he's talking to your stomach, "We'll eat there."
He kisses you again, closer to your mouth, "Missed."
"I did, huh?" He chuckles, close enough to your face now your noses are almost touching, "Let's try again."
This time his lips meet yours and you know he missed on purpose the first time by how amused he looks when he pulls away.
"One more for luck?" You can't resist letting the back of your hand wander over his face, before resting the palm of your hand against his cheek.
"I think I can handle that," He smiles before landing another quick peck to your lips, "Be good for the nurse while I'm gone. I'll have the getaway car ready in 10, yeah?"
//
You're certain Harry would have fed you if you would have let him, right here in the mall food court in front of everyone. But you refuse, insisting even, on carrying your own tray to the table. He chuckles when you pull your phone out of your sweater pocket to take a picture of your food, quickly uploading it to Facebook.
He watches you closely as you take the first bite, even pulling his own phone out to sneak a photo of you when you temporarily close your eyes to appreciate the indulgence of being able to eat one of your favorite foods again; free from that anxious feeling of whether or not it would settle right with your body later. You open your eyes the very moment after he captured the image.
"Harry!"
"You just looked so happy! I couldn't help it. You know I'll never post it anyway. Snagged a few of you earlier in your little blue cap they made you wear too." He flips back through to show you. You try to snatch the phone away, but he's too quick to pull his hand back and stash his phone in his pocket.
"When??"
"After you fell asleep, right before they came to take you back."
He takes a bite from his own generous slice of pizza in front of him before gesturing to your tray, "How is it?"
"Amazing. Even better than before, if possible."
His smile is bright, loving the satisfaction of seeing you actually enjoy food again.
Your plan to walk around the mall was cut short, you could barely make it through one store without yawning. You cling to Harry most of the way back to the car, his arm securely wrapped around you to keep you steady.
You doze off on the drive home, and when your eyes flutter open you find him opening the passenger door, offering a hand to help lift you out of the car and up the stairs into the house. Your foot stumbles on the first step, failing to make contact and you almost fall back.
"Easy," He giggles, an arm thrown behind your back to catch you before encouraging softly, "Try again."
When he's confident you're stable enough on your feet, he lets go to unlock the door.
You're greeted by a bouquet of flowers, a colorful arrangement of roses and lilies from Harry's band mates. You immediately recognize Sarah's handwriting on the card and make a mental note to shoot everyone a thank you text later. You don't know if it's the medication still in your system, the exhaustion of the day, or the overwhelming amount of love that makes you teary eyed.
Harry stands behind you as you admire the flowers and the card, arms curving around to hug you, careful of the large bandage on your upper abdomen and the two smaller steri-strips on your right side.
"How did they know pink roses were my favorite?"
"They love you, peach." He rests his chin on your shoulder, "Besides, you've only mentioned growing up with a pink rose bush in your Nanna's garden about a hundred times."
"I always loved it. Still do."
Your mind travels back to your earliest memories spent there; summers when you practically lived at the small house on the hill. Helping pick tomatoes and peppers from the garden, too warm afternoons spent with a book in your lap under the shade of a peach tree, your grandfather's corny jokes and loving smile. Your Nanna's too generous portions of food contributing to the few extra curves you still carried with you to this day.
You don't even notice the tears at first. They slip down your cheeks and land on his arm. Once you realize, you try to quickly wipe them away, but Harry sees.
"Hey..c'mon, I think your high's wearing off a bit, bub. Pajamas, meds, nap. Sound good?" He turns you to face him, using the sleeve of his shirt to brush away any tears that still linger at the corner of your eyes.
"What time is it?"
"Almost 3..why?"
"No nap. I'll never sleep tonight, and you know how grumpy I get when my sleep schedule is thrown off." Even with your declaration of not wanting a nap, you can't help but rub your eyes, a weak attempt to keep yourself awake. Any resolve Harry had to try to convince you to nap melts away. A smirk on his face, he knows you'll eventually crash later, most likely on his chest or in his arms. He's content to let you be stubborn for now.
"Okay, then. New plan. Pajamas, meds, movie. Better?"
"Better. You get everything ready and pick the movie while I change?"
"You don't wanna pick the movie?"
You wave him off, already shuffling towards the bedroom, "You're the boss today, remember?"
You take your time gathering what you need to get cozy for the rest of the day, selecting an oversized, well-worn tie dye t-shirt and leggings from your dresser. You even take a moment to dip into Harry's extensive sweatshirt collection, grabbing your favorite one. It's amazingly soft and still smells of him, a faint scent of his cologne and well..just Harry. You couldn't imagine anything more comforting.
In your pursuit to feel more lucid, you venture into the bathroom, taking a moment to wash your face. The cool water instantly refreshes you and pushes you closer to feeling like yourself again. Wanting your hair out of your face, you pluck a scrunchy from your shared collection of hair accessories. You quickly recognize that your arms still have that too heavy feeling of unconsciousness and after a few attempts to gather your curls into some sort of up-do, you give up and loop the accessory around your wrist to try again later.
Harry senses your frustration when you find him in the kitchen, two small green pill bottles sitting on the counter in front of him. He's already filled your favorite cup with ice water, and you gratefully take it and drink from it.
"What's wrong?" His brow creases with concern and you feel guilty for making him worry over something so silly.
"Nothing..just wanted my hair up out of my face but my arms wouldn't cooperate." You try to laugh it off to put him more at ease, "It's not a big deal."
You know it's only the weariness of the day still making you feel so emotional, clear-headed you would not be upset over something so small.
"Here. Let me try." He slides the scrunchy from your wrist and pulls you closer to him, moving behind you to gently work long fingers through your hair, gathering it all in a loose ponytail on top of your head before securing it around a few times with the scrunchy.
You let your shoulders drop with a deep sigh when he's done, it was such a simple thing, but it made you feel so much lighter. He spins you around to face him, a charming gleam of pride at his handiwork adorning his face, "Too tight?"
"No. Much better. Thank you, Harry. You take such good care of me always, but today..I don't know what I would've done without you. I made such a big fuss and probably made you miserable with all of my worrying." You're suddenly very aware that you are rambling, but when you catch a glimpse of his face, his smile is wide. So bright that the skin around his eyes is crinkling.
He leans towards you, lips stopping whatever words may have come next, arms wrapping around you to pull you closer in a soft, warm embrace. When he pulls away, his eyes bore right into yours, and your heart swells with more love than you could ever imagine having for one person. But he wasn't just any person. He was your person, your whole word staring back at you.
"I'm SO proud of you. You've been so strong today, always knew you had that strength in you, but seeing you take that leap of faith..doing something you knew you should despite your fear, that's all you, love. I can't take any credit for that. You've made me anything but miserable, trust me."
His face is still close enough to yours that you nudge forward, pressing your forehead to his, a silent appreciation of his affection.
"Any pain yet?" He pulls back, a thumb across your cheek, eyes still locked on yours.
"My head kind of hurts? And I still just feel kind of..drunk."
"You have always been a bit of a lightweight, babe. And a thief too, I see. S'that my sweatshirt?"
"Have not!" You swat playfully at his arm, "Maybe. Is that my hair clip in your hair?"
"Possibly." His eyes dart up to the swoop of curls on top of his head, a black plastic clip twisting it back and away from his face.
"Guess we're even then."
"S'pose we are." He tries to keep his eyes narrowed in a mock attempt of annoyance, but it quickly fades into laughter.
You decide against FaceTiming your family, hoping that hearing your voice will be enough. It seems to satisfy them at least for the rest of the day. You assure them that Harry is taking very good care of you and that everything went as smooth as could be expected.
He raises one eyebrow at you as you hang up, "As smooth as expected, huh? You aren't going to tell them the truth?"
"What's to tell? I had an infection and now it's gone. I'm fine, there's no sense in worrying them. We can give them the full story later."
He shrugs, fingers working to open one of the green pill bottles before passing one of the white pills to you, "For your headache, lovie. There's something here for nausea too if you need it. M'worried the pizza might've been too much. Maybe you should take one of these..just in case?"
"Harry, I promise I will tell you if I feel anything other than fine." Your hand runs from his shoulder down his bicep, squeezing gently, "Besides, I cannot take a whole one of those. If you think I'm a lightweight now..I'll sleep for the whole week if I take that."
He slips the bottle in his pocket, pulling you in to press a kiss to the top of your head, "We'll keep it close just in case, okay?"
"Sounds good," Your hand trails back up to his neck to work fingers through his hair, "Hey, thought we were watching a movie? What'd you pick?"
"Thought we could decide together. C'mon, let's get you comfy in bed."
"Ever the gentleman, always trying to get me in your bed."
"Hey! I am a perfect gentleman, thank you very much," He chuckles, a hand coming to rest on the small of your back, "Just thought you'd be more comfortable, you can prop up and stretch your feet out."
You let him tug you along for the second time today, thankful it's the luxury of your shared bed you get to settle into this time. He tucks you in softly, propping pillows behind your back and head.
"Comfy? Need anything else?"
"No, just need you to quit babying me so much and relax with me for a bit."
"Since when am I not allowed to baby you?"
You roll your eyes, "Never said you weren't allowed. Just want you to stop worrying so much, that's all."
"Good. Cause y'are my baby," No matter how many times you'd heard him say it before, it never failed to make you blush, "Do anything for you, y'know that, right?"
"I know," You look down at your hands, trying to slow your racing heart, "You never let me forget."
"Hey," He pokes your cheek, pulling your gaze back up to him, "I love you."
"I love you more, H."
He kisses your forehead, "Impossible. I love you most."
The reference to one of your favorite movies has you smiling at him, that dreamy feeling falling over you again, "Can we watch Tangled?"
"Sure, princess."
He sinks next to you, head propped up on your shoulder, navigating easily through Disney+ to find your requested movie.
Your eyes drift closed right about the time the lanterns are being released in the sky, a moment that normally leaves your face wet with tears, the soft vibrations of Harry humming along the perfect lullaby to push you further into your dream.
//
He wakes you later in the evening.
"Dinner's on the table if you want to join me."
"Time's it?" Your voice is still heavy with sleep.
"7. You were sleeping so deeply I didn't want to wake you, thought your body could use the extra sleep today."
"Yeah. It was nice, thank you." You stretch your arms forward, reaching for his hands to help pull you up.
"How do you feel?"
"A little sore. More sober, for sure."
Dinner is simple; a bowl of plain broth, salad, and toast. Exactly what the nurse suggested earlier. There's even a warm mug of tea waiting for you.
"With honey for my honey," He's so proud of his cheesy expression of love you cannot help but smile.
You look at him curiously when he sits next to you, the same boring meal set out for himself.
"Harry..you can eat what you want, babe. Seriously you've done enough today, more than enough to be supportive. It wouldn't hurt my feelings if you made yourself something different."
"Nah. S'fine. We're in this together, yeah?"
You raise your eyebrows at him playfully, "Did you have an organ snatched from your body today?"
"No, I didn't." He laughs, "I just meant food wise, love. It's vegetable broth, by the way, hope that's alright."
"It's perfect."
You nudge him lightly, an elbow to his side, shifting closer to ask for a kiss. He meets you the rest of the way, lips planted firmly on yours. When you don't pull away, he quickly adds another.
After dinner is done and you have another round of meds, the two of you end up in an awkward ball of cuddles on the couch. Harry flips through the channels on the tv before finding a show you both agree on.
But you're too restless, unable to find a position comfortable enough for you. You shift a few times, finally giving up and letting out a frustrated groan before tossing the blanket off the both of you and springing up and off the couch.
Harry doesn't panic, just grabs your hand before you can get too far away or lose your balance, keeping his voice low when he asks, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing hurts. I just can't get comfortable, and I don't feel right."
"What doesn't feel right, angel? Explain."
"I don't feel like myself. I don't know how to explain it. Just feel off."
He sees you're on the verge of tears and ascends from his spot on the couch, arms quickly enveloping you before placing a finger under your chin to pull your face up to look at him.
"It's probably gonna take a day or so to adjust, baby. Yes it was a minor surgery but it was a major change to your body." He's bending now to look right into your eyes, searching them,  "How can we fix it tonight, hmm? What do you need?"
Tears are free flowing, falling on the front of your t-shirt and down to the floor.
"Take your time. Breathe." A large hand smoothing warm circles firmly across your back; a balm for your restless spirit.
You pause, deep breath in before slowly letting it out, "I think I just need to move around for a bit."
"Let's go for a walk, eh? A quick one and then back to bed. Your mind needs more rest. How's that sound?" He taps your forehead softly.
"Okay, yeah." You nod your head, an approval of his plan.
"Don't worry about it, okay? Everything's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine."
You nod again, scared your voice will break if you try to speak. He knew that those words held a lot of weight for you, he'd repeated them often throughout this whole process and to hear them now was a reminder of how safe you were. That with him, you would always be safe and loved.
Being dark outside meant you gracelessly padding through the house, up and down the hallway a few times and back to the living room. Harry stays close, encouraging you along with little claps and kisses to motivate you. When your stomach starts to feel uneasy, he urges you once again to take something for nausea. You agree to take a half a pill, knowing it'll help you sleep.
Despite the nap you had earlier and only being awake for a couple of hours, it doesn't take much convincing for you to settle back into bed.
"Harry?"
"Hmm?"
He's already reclined next to you, book in hand, the soft light from the lamp illuminating one side of his face. You're smushed against him, drifting between that sweet space of almost asleep and wanting to stay awake to enjoy any spare moment you get with him. His hand working through your hair helps push you towards the former of the two.
"I'm sorry to be such a burden today," Your words are slurring together but you continue on, just needing to get your thoughts out before he can stop you, "I don't deserve you and I shouldn't have overreacted so much about something so simple."
"Hey, none of that now," He lays the book on the nightstand, careful to save his place for later before pulling you closer to him, "You were not, nor have you ever been a burden to me. Just because you needed a little extra help today does not mean you aren't deserving of me or my love. You will never have to earn that. It's yours, always has been, will be as long as you decide to keep me around."
"Thank you. For all of it. I'll always want you."
"Always? Y'might change your mind someday, angel."
"I won't. Promise."
"Yeah? Me either."
A kiss laid delicately to the top of your head has your eyes dangerously close to falling shut again before another thought navigates its way through your mind and out of your mouth before you can stop it.
"H..what am I gonna do with a full week off from work?"
"Let me take care of you?"
//
And that's exactly what he does.
Mornings spent sleeping in, late breakfasts made together and afternoon walks. Evenings consisting of the two of you preparing dinner together or ordering takeout from some of the forbidden places you couldn't eat from before. Mugs of herbal tea before early bedtimes, you sweetly falling asleep to the sound of his voice reading to you most nights.
But his favorite part was that the scent of lavender was no longer cursed for you. Some nights before your surgery, when you simply could not fall asleep the pain was so unbearable, you would fill the tub with hot water and lavender scented bubbles to try to calm yourself enough to be able to drift off afterwards. It never worked, the heat always doing more harm than good. Harry would always be waiting for you, open arms and a soft towel to wrap you in.
So the smell became one you hated, memories of sleepless nights and nausea. But now you were free to use it again for what you always loved it for before it was cursed. In your body wash, lotion, even your laundry detergent; spreading the scent all over your shared space in as many ways as you could.
He even mentions it one night after dinner, when the two of you are pressed impossibly close together on the couch. His nose buried into your neck, inhaling deeply, pulling away to announce, "You smell like you again, love. Missed it so much." He burrows back in, placing kisses from your neck to your shoulder, ignoring your giggles and protests of how much it tickles.
A week later, the alarm wakes you sooner than you've become accustomed to, reminding you of your return to work. Harry's arm thrown over your waist pulls you closer as you try to leave the bed, a sleepy "Don't go." mumbled in your ear.
You do your best to peel yourself away from him, admitting silently to yourself how much harder it is for you to leave the warmth of your bed as it is for him to let you go.
//
2 years later, you have a scar you swear didn't heal right, and a man who loves you even more because of it.
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asterocky · 3 years
Note
Hi, I actually had some more questions, lol. Thank you for answering the last one about Eunwoo and his relationship with the boys.
What happened to Moonbin, he took some time off and it seems like people don’t think it was a shoulder injury, but rather that he needed some time off for his mental health?
I was also wondering what happened to their last management or team? I saw Eunwoo speaking out again about how they were treated? What did their last team do or not do? I don’t remember his exact words but it was something to do with their company.
hello there again!! ^^ it was my pleasure, feel free to shoot any other questions you might have. sorry i'm a bit late with this answer, i was thinking through what to say.
regarding moonbin's hiatus.
i believe that fantagio never said anything concrete - they just said moonbin went to a check up and the doctors advised him to rest and get treatment. so no particular health concern was mentioned, so i can't give you a concrete answer. the mental health narrative might have come from some vlives moonbin did, since he was very vulnerable and obviously not in a good place mentally before blue flame era (like this one or the general conversations they had during their gateway era win vlive). i wish i could give you a more concrete answer, but unfortunately i was not too active since i work full time, so there might have been something concrete said by moonbin about his mental health after blue flame era once he came back. since the fantagio issues happened, astro developed a habit of going to aroha whenever something is bothering them. hopefully someone else can give a more concrete answer.
fantagio issues.
there's a lot to discuss here. i will try to shorten the entire situation the best to my ability but i did follow the subject closely and if you want to read into it more, feel free to go into eliot's fantagio update tag (i suggest starting from this post if you want to get into details). meanwhile i roughly summarized the situation below.
so fantagio music is a subsidiary of fantagio entertainment. and fantagio entertainment a few years back was owned by this chinese corporation jc group (they were the majority shareholders, which means that they had the majority vote during shareholder meetings). one day allegations came out in news portals that:
the board of fantagio dismissed the co-ceo and founder of fantagio na byeongjun. wei jie, who was the ceo of jc group, was instated as the new ceo;
the corporation credit cards were taken away from the staffs, so most of the activities fantagio's actors and idols had were funded out of the pocket of the staffs and idols. rumors circulated that astro and weki meki ended up paying for their fans' meals during isac out of pocket, too;
jc group was pooling the money fantagio made to an unrelated hong kong company also owned by the group;
fantagio organized a crisis meeting and settled with 9 demands for jc group, which included reinstatement of the former ceo amongst other things, as most worried that since jc group is pooling whatever fantagio makes into a hong kong company, that jc group will start selling their artists for profit.
(this is why moonbin always says he's the oldest standing fantagio member, idols and staffs included - the ceo was not reinstated and many staff, including astro's manager, left the company)
so staffs were fired and replaced by jc group (they have nothing to de with entertainment btw) staff. it should be noted that wei jie became ceo of fantagio entertainment, but not fantagio music. at the time, fantagio music's ceo was woo youngseung, so aside from the company card limitations, the artists weren't affected that much. however, all hell broke loose when jc group fired woo youngseun and wei jie (i believe) became the ceo. that was the exact moment fantagio music started operating illegally, as based on south koren laws, the ceo of an operating entertainment company has to have a certain entertainment license and ceratin experience. the new ceo was not registered in the korean entertainment management association, which was also a problem. at this point there was no choice but to stop all idols' and actors' activities because everyone that was under contract with fantagio entertainment, which did not have the required licence, would also be considered to be operating illegally. basically everyone under fantagio was forced into a hiatus because of all of the shit jc group caused because of their incompetence.
then the korean entertainment management association reached out to an illegally operating fantagio and gave them 45 days to appoint a new ceo with the relative registration and experience or fantagio will be removed from the association entirely. with all that happening, actors started going through court to terminate their contracts with fantagio. in general there were many uncertainties with the artists under the company, some news portals going so far as to say that "fantagio has no future".
for a while, fantagio (jc group) threatened their actors who went against them (terminating contracts) with court and ignored any korean entertainment association complaints and lied to press that they WERE operating legally. however, many contradicting articles came our and entertainment associations publicly announced that memebers of the associations (which is basically most of the korean entertainment industry) are banning fantagio and basically no one within the association will be working with them.
but then karma came to bite in the ass and the main vilan wei jie who was the ceo was arrested for illegal funding activities (which probably includes the before-mentioned cash pool in an unrelated hong kong company situation). also, the former kbs ceo was appointed as a new fantagio music ceo. a bit later the second main vilan of this story - jc group - sold their ownership of fantagio back to this other shareholder l&a holdings (i believe, don't quote me on this)! which was highly celebrated because fantagio became it's own company again. later fantagio did have a dispute with l&a holdings, but it was nothing too major.
as of today the company is fairly stable and doing well, the largest sources of income being ong seongwoo, astro and cha eunwoo. recently, there has been a dismissal of the management once more and a new management for fantagio music was instated. everyone had war flashbacks for a moment got scared. but it turns out the new management seems eager to put their people out there, as right after the announcement of the new management, astro announced their astro x aroha festival, comeback and all members finally had their own schedules to attend to. and right now all of astro seem to be working on something as the management cleared their schedules, also we got astro zone - to put it simply, we had not seen so much activity from astro for a while so this new management brings hope. also, fantagio was said to be getting more funding and expanding more into acting industries (i think they released more shares, too, which usually means expansion of the company), the financials of fantagio for 2020 have been the best in comparison to the last three years. so as of right now, we can be happy it's in the past and look forward to what fantagio can bring in the future.
also, it's worth mentioning that astro stayed really strong throughout the period and whenever we expressed worry about them, they always tried to calm us down and say that everything is okay and they're doing well. however, once the whole thing was over astro came out with always you, lyrics of which express just how NOT OKAY astro were throughout the fantagio issues and how hard it was behind closed doors, the song dedicated to the fandom. they were very emotional and open about what happened, a lot of fans left throughout the period (as they were on hiatus for a year basically) and astro ended up thanking the ones that stayed with them. there's also this video from astro star light where each member shares a little bit about what went through their minds, from uncertanties, fright and feeling thrown out.
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hajimine · 3 years
Text
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— hi everyone, i’m lex, your very cool and very sexc camp counselor! ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ so nice to see you here! please feel free to select an activity of your choice and don’t forget to gather round for the campfire later at night! have fun and stay safe people!
CAMP DURATION : 17 FEB - 19 FEB
STATUS : CLOSED! THANK U FOR PARTICIPATING! <3
。。。
ALL ANSWERED ASKS WILL BE ON QUEUE!
>> CAMP ACTIVITIES : arts and crafts! ; build a bae!
>> CAMPFIRE TALKS : late night confessions! ; kiss and tell!
。。。
CAMP ACTIVITIES!
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once these are posted, please interact (like or rb) to let me know that you’ve seen it!
each person can only pick one of these activities :>
★ ARTS & CRAFTS WORKSHOP [30]
(MUST BE OFF ANON) i will be making some manga edits for you guys! you can use them for your lockscreen, your theme, etc etc
> what you need to do -> send me your fave character + your pronouns + your fave color/a hexcode and tell me if there’s a specific word you want me to include (petnames, your username, etc) if you don’t specify then i’m just going to use your name.
note. the character must have speaking lines or else i’m not gonna be able to make the edits
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★ BUILD-A-BAE GAME [20]
this is a matchup event! you’ll also get a blurb of what your first date with them will be like!
> what you need to do -> send me three fun facts about you + describe your ideal weekend + character gender preference (if you don’t specify i’ll give you a guy)
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。。。
CAMPFIRE TALKS!
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for this section, you can join both sections if you want to!
☆ LATE NIGHT CONFESSIONS
CURRENT COUNT : 13/24 done
send in a funny/stupid memory that you have and i’ll (kinda) kin assign you to a haikyuu character!
☆ KISS AND TELL
CURRENT COUNT : 7/11 done
give me 3 people (can include hq characters, other fictional charas, yourself, or my moots lol) and i’ll tell you who i would kiss, marry, or kill!
。。。
FOREWORD FROM THE COUNSELOR!
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okay first of all dont @ me for this wannabe-camp half blood/camp rock theme or whatever, i have no braincells left to come up w sth better lol
second of all, thank you so much for 1.2k <3 thank you for reading my works and interacting with me, you guys mean a lot to me <33
the only rules here are that you have to be following me (since this is a follower event) and like this post if you’re going to participate! have fun mwah <3
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TAGS TO BLOCK!
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— 👩🏻‍🎨 camp counselor lex! -> posts and updates about the event and anything related to it
— 🏕 camp hajimine! -> all answered asks related for the event, including activities and campfire talks
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dayseternal-blog · 3 years
Note
If you ever finish answering all of yours awaiting asks...
45 questions for you 👀
https://myaekingheart.tumblr.com/post/650107314353897472/fic-writer-ask-game
Lolllll BADLUCKBREBIS, you are so funny.
Inspiration and Reading Asks:
1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?
It looks like I started writing in 2017. I've been reflecting recently on how there are so many regularly active writers now compared to in 2017-2018. It was the tail-end of some of my fave writer's activity within fandom. Utsus was posting less and less. The Tumblr NaruHina fandom seemed to disappear, a whole community of writers left for other things (matchaball, nekomamoru, magmawrites, cherryjutsu, spyder-m, tenney-shoes, eliphya, among others). 2018 was a very quiet year, but! I avidly read katarinahime and bunnyhoodlum's works! In 2019, quirrrky restarted things with NaruHina Week!
2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?
Recently I’m primarily a reader!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because there's so many writers now!!!!!!!!
3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?
Yeah, let’s list them.  “A Special Friend” by agitosgirl inspired “Nightdreams.  “Medicine” by @grimmjowkurosakidrake​ inspired “White Lilies.  “Torch Song” by @mmmbuttery inspired “About You.”  The language in “Unless the World Were to End” by @bunny-hoodlum​ inspired the language in “That was the plan.”  “In Between Drinks” by @peppercornpress inspired “In Between Drinks NH.”
4. Link your three favorite fics right now.
“Operation: Bring Home Naruto” by Dragonwannabe - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata's been assigned the mission of getting Naruto back home safely after his last dangerous assignment. But can she handle the undercover identity as his girlfriend that she’d been given without revealing her true feelings for him?
“The Mission” by Lunawraythe - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. It wasn't that Hinata never expected to work with Naruto, just never on a mission quite like this.
“The Loving Type” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A few years have passed since the Fourth Shinobi War, in which...Rookie Nine steadily advances in rank. Naruto gets engaged. Hinata leaves Konoha. And Kakashi schemes for days.
5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?
ahhh.  I do have quite a few pet peeves.  If the fic is Canon-Compliant or Canon-Divergent, I expect Naruto and Hinata to behave like Japanese people.  Say what you want, but the Naruto Universe is definitely Japanese in my book.  So that means no shoes in the house.  Nothing rattles me more than reading Hinata taking her sandals off before climbing into bed.  Like, what?  she was wearing her outdoor shoes indoors this whole time??
mmm... another pet peeve is when the writer describes Hinata in a kimono, but it sounds like an American Halloween costume, like the slutty version, instead of an actual kimono.
mmm... and the other big pet peeve I have is when it’s Hinata’s first time eating ramen because Naruto is showing her the wonders of ramen.  lol.  why.  how.  in what world would a Japanese person make it to their teenage years without ever eating ramen.
I have a bunch of other little pet peeves regarding Japanese culture in fanfics.  But in general, it doesn’t stop me from reading the fic if I'm already in the middle of it.  I’ll continue reading it and will probably recommend it to other people anyway. If I can tell based on the summary, then it's not for me, and I don't read it. If this makes anyone feel nervous about writing fanfiction, that's not my intention! I would also be happy to be a sensitivity reader if necessary.
6. How do you find new fic to read? Where do you primarily read fanfiction?
I primarily read fanfics on AO3 and ffnet.  I find new ones by constantly checking the Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto tag on AO3 or looking into a writer’s favorites list on ffnet.
7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics?
Short fics.
8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like?
I reblog pretty often. I don't comment as often as I used to😕 I used to comment on every fic I liked.
9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.
Uhh?? Idk. I think recently the writing group here is pretty tight, everyone seems to know everyone.
10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?
Naruto fandom and NaruHina.
Fanfiction Writing Asks:
11. How do you come up with your fic titles?
I usually take it from words used in the story or from the prompt.
12. Tell the author your favorite fic title of theirs (not the fic, strictly title). Author: what’s your favorite title you’ve come up with and why?
I think...maybe "Tell Me of Forevers" or "Nightdreams." I like those because they aren't taken word-for-word directly from the story, but touch on a theme in the story.
13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?
Yes, I outline. They wouldn't get a headache, I think. It's usually just a summary.
14. Do you have a personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not?
Nope. I didn't know people do that.
15. Tell the author your favorite fic of theirs. What’s your (the author’s) favorite fic you’ve written?
My favorite fic continues to be "It's No Secret."
16. Do you research for your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you gone down by accident when researching?
Yes, I do. I've done historical and folktale research for "Little Samurai." I did area/location research for "Last Chance." I did historical research for "About You." I did fairy tale research for "Catskin." I did a ton of astronomy research for "The Cowherd and the Weaver Girl." And I did lighting research for "Inspo." I go pretty deep.
17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?
I don't. I usually have something else I need to do or I go to bed.
18. Do you have a WIP that you keep telling yourself you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably a lie?
I actually think I can finish all of mine if I just try.
19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?
I always edit before posting to AO3. Anything I post directly on Tumblr might not be edited.
20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?
Posting!
21. What’s your least favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?
Starting a new chapter.
22. Do you take fic requests? If so, for what characters and why?
On occasion. If someone sends me a request, I'll think about writing it. Sometimes I do write and post it, sometimes I leave them in my drafts for a better day.
23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?
From what I already have posted, probably friends-to-lovers, secret relationship/forbidden love, or high school au. I don't think I have an intentional favorite.
24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?
Public humiliation / public degradation.
25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist.
No, not usually.
26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing?
Tumblr feed, all the pictures to scroll through mindlessly.
27. Do you like to give your readers some warning of what might be coming or just slap them in the face with content at random?
lol, whatever is fine.
28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?
Well, pressure to update is not a big deal to me. I do this for fun, so I don't think I unnecessarily pressure myself too much. With negative comments, I don't get too many of those, and I think I do my best to avoid situations where I might get negative feedback.
29. Have you ever written for an exchange or event of some kind? Which one(s)? Did you enjoy it?
Yeah, I like the events. My favorite was NH2020, the year-long one last year. I also enjoyed the Secret Santa last year since @badluckbrebis was my giftee.
30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.
haha😈
Ecstasy slides through his veins, blooming over his mind, cocooning him in pleasant sensations, cum shooting out in eager twitches against hot, milking flesh.
31. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?
Naruto Uzumaki, always.
32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?
Top 3 faves in order:
That was the plan: "She shifts in his arms, and cloth and cleavage come pillowing up to his face, and he’s certain that she’s scooped from the same puffy stuff his adolescent daydreams were made of."
Tell Me of Forevers: "What he wouldn’t do to inspire every blush, every smile of hers for an eternity when such moments already only speak “forever” to him."
White Lilies: "Whether at his feet, in his eyes, ears, mind, if not reaching his heart, she never landed anywhere. (It’s okay.)"
I consider "White Lilies" to have my technically best writing, so it was kind of hard to choose just one line from that fic! But I decided that one's my favorite line from the whole story.
33. What do you like writing better: one shots or multi-chapter stuff?
One-shots.
34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?
A lot of my life experiences are in my writing. Hmm, I think readers probably think I'm...hmm...either empathetic or really perverted?
35. How much has writing fic changed your life?
I spend a lot less time on real-life social media than before.
36. Are there any fics or fandoms you’re embarrassed to have written or been part of?
I'm kind of embarrassed of "Honeymoon at the Hot Springs" lol. It's fine.
37. Give an update on your current WIP - if you don’t have one, give a sneak peek to a title or idea that you have and would like to write.
My current WIP is that A/B/O fic I started for February Smut Month Prompts: Sweet as Candy or Love Bites. I'm going to title it "Sweet As," and it'll be about how Naruto and Hinata become Alpha/Omega mates. It's really kinky, really smutty, and totally what I would want to read.
38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?
uhh???? a 1?? I've never once thought of my writing process as chaotic. Ahh, then I think of bunnyhoodlum's multiple drafts for the same chapter, and I realize that there exist types of writing processes that I would not be able to handle...
39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?
My smut.
40. How did you come up with the idea for [x fic]?
41. What’s your most popular fic (with the most notes on tumblr, most hits/kudos on ao3)?
Idk about Tumblr,,, maybe White Lilies got the most attention here. My most popular fic is Nightdreams on AO3.
42. Asker: pick three of the author’s works. Author: rank them 1 (the best) - 3 (the worst) based on whatever criteria you want - this could be something totally random that isn’t quality related (like simply ranking fics based on how many trains appear in them) - have fun!
43. Talk about a positive experience with fanfiction or the fanfiction community that you will always remember.
I will always remember how people congratulated me for finishing White Lilies😭 Also, when peppercornpresses made that FIRST art of my story, I just, I just stared at it all day.
44. Rant about something writing related.
hmmm, I don't feel like ranting about anything. I just recently ranted about my pet peeves above.
45. Fic specific questions - if you have any weird questions about specific works, here’s your shot to ask them!
I did them all! Nice questions.
20 notes · View notes
starrynite7114 · 4 years
Text
everything is you: nine
A/N: I figured, why not update this too? LOL So, I would like to already apologize. The first half of this chapter is very angsty and has mentions of sexual abuse. I know it gets tiring for this slow burn, but I promise it will be worth it. 
Thank you for all the support! I really appreciate it! Also, I posted the everything is you short: first meeting! Enjoy! Love you all!
everything is you
one : two : three : four : five : six : seven : eight
Word count: 9952
Warnings: Angst, sexual abuse, death
Masterlist
tagged list: @justahopelessssromantic : @ifoundmyhappythought : @carlaangel86 : @woahitslucyylu : @encounterthepast : @enamoured-x : @thewarriorprincessxo : @briana-mishell24 : @bribri-82 : @chibsytelford : @agirllovespasta : @twistnet : @everyhowlmarksthedead : @trulysuccubus : @jadert15 : @sammskellington : @cind-in-real-life :  @claytoncardenasbabymama : @sadeyesgf : @thickemadame : @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass : @gemini0410 : @elcococruz : @samcrobae : @sesamepancakes : @iambabyharry : @blackmissfrizzle : @mrs-losa : @1-800-imagines : @phoenixhalliwell : @lady-pswrld : @dazzledamazon  : @getyourcrayoncas : @fvckthisbxtchup : @lukealvxz : @scuzmunkie : @lilac-tea-time : @danie1432 : @cocotheclown : @soaronmywings : @my-rosegold-soul : @buttercup812 : @itskiranbitch : @angelreyesgirl : @sheeshgivemeabreak : @vicmackeybullshxt : @bigcreatorwombatdreamer : @khyharah : @strawberrywritings : @cherry-icetea : @fuzzy-jellyfish : @losolvidad0s : @brownsugarcoffy : @courtrae89 : @prdsdjarin : @blessedboo : @marvelmaree : @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat : @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead : @thesandbeneathmytoes : @dark-twisted-and-mechanical-mind : @maddie-georges : @pearlkitten33 : @aquamento : @incorrect-mcdanno : @that-chick212 : @imanerdychubbyqueen​
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Thanks! @carlaangel86​ <3
Coco chuckled as he watched Alena take another shot. His baby sister called him over to San Diego and he decided to bring Riz over with him. Whenever Alena called he came and along with all his other brothers. They all had such a soft spot for Alena.
“Damn, so Monica is Cruz’s teacher? I mean, it’s been years, I’m sure it’s not a worry.” Riz reasoned with Alena.
“Doesn’t matter, he’ll be single soon and it’ll be just like all those romantic comedies and my Korean dramas.” Alena laughed before taking another shot. “It’s so smooth, I love drinking with you two. I hope we can still hang out once Angel and I are divorced.”
“Shut the fuck up Alena, we would disown Angel first before we would disown you.” Coco shook his head. “Why wasn’t Angel invited?”
“I don’t want to see Angel. We don’t always have to be together.”
Riz laughed. “Right, you tell him that.”
Angel has been blowing up Coco and Riz’s phone ever since they got to Alena’s. He was upset that he wasn’t invited, but he had to stay in Santo Padre and be with Cruz. Alena was in San Diego since she had a work emergency. 
“When was the longest time you didn’t see Angel? Was it the time he served?” Coco questioned. The club truly pulled through for Angel then, taking care of Alena and Cruz when he served time in jail a few years ago. 
It was a hellish 18 months and Cruz was only two years old. Alena held on strong and when he got out, Coco thought Angel would get his head out of his ass, he almost did, but this thing with the rebels popped through.
“Yeah, it was.” Alena frowned remembering that time. It was hard for her to be apart from Angel, but she tried to visit him all the time. His sentence was cut short to 18 months instead of the slated three. She was incredibly thankful for that. She documented every move Cruz made.
“Why didn’t you tell him how you felt when he got out?” Coco really hated watching this whole thing between Alena and Angel, mostly due to Alena. 
She was too good for him Angel. Not in the sense people thought, but more of the fact that, Alena was too kind to Angel. Out of her pure love for Angel, she stood by him regardless of his actions because she wanted to be there for him. He shouldn’t push her, but he wanted to. They were fucking adults, it was time to end the games.
“So when are you going to confess to Angel?” Riz questioned.
“The way I see it, you have nothing to lose Lenny.” Again, Coco was playing Devil’s Advocate, but maybe if Alena confessed, Angel would get his head out of his ass.
Alena was silent for a moment. She had nothing to lose, Coco was right. This also maybe the large amount of alcohol she consumed, but as people always said, her mother raised no bitch. “Fuck it, I’m going to call him.” Alena picked up her phone.
Riz and Coco picked up their shot glasses, encouraging her.
“Damn right, fuck social norms and tell that mother fucker you love him.” Riz encouraged. 
“You’re right!” Alena giggled, taking a swig straight from the Soju bottle. “Angel doesn’t love me, so the fuck what? I love him and he’s going to know.” 
Angel listened to Alena talking to whoever the fuck she was talking to, though he assumed it’s Coco and Riz since they told him that they would be going to Alena’s apartment. He wasn’t worried, he trusted them, but he was still antsy. His heart rate increased hearing Alena tell his brothers that she loved him, even if he didn’t love her.
He couldn’t wait to confess to this silly girl, the woman who’s had him since he could remember. 
“Cielo?” He called for her attention.
“Angel,” she dreamily greeted him. “How are you?”
“I’m good baby girl, are you doing okay?” He smirked, loving that tint of pink on her cheeks.
Alena nodded her head, biting her lip. “Do you have company?”
“Yeah baby, Cruz, but he’s asleep.” Angel moved his camera so she could see Cruz.
“My baby!” Alena squealed a little too loudly. She covered her mouth, giggling with Riz and Coco laughing in the background. 
“You having fun?”
“Always, they’re my favorite Mayans!” She blew kisses at the two who pretended to catch it. 
“What about me?” Angel pouted.
“You’re in a different league.” Alena scoffed, before she laughed. Angel loved seeing Alena so damn carefree. He just wished he was with her right now. “Angel, want to know a secret?” She moved closer to the screen, so she could whisper it to him. Drunk Alena was absolutely adorable, but she was also handsy. “I love you, not as a best friend, older brother type of love, which is disgusting, but I’m in love with you. I would give up anything for you. And I did, I gave up Paris for you because I just wanted you to have Cruz. When I first saw you hold Cruz, you should have seen the smile on your face.” 
Riz and Coco watched as Alena confessed to Angel. They slightly regretted encouraging her, but Alena needed this, so did Angel, Alena might not remember, which was fine, that’s what they’re here for, to record the whole thing. 
Angel felt his heart clenched as he watched the tears fall from Alena’s eyes. He wasn’t sure what Riz and Coco gave his wife, but he was appreciating this. It was definitely different to hear from Alena that she was going to walk away from him.
“I just want you to love me Angel. I want you to see me as more than a friend, I want you to love me, to hold me, to just be here for me.” Angel didn’t want Alena’s confession like this, but he figured this was as honest as he was going to get her without her self doubt plaguing her mind. “I remember during prom, I wanted you to take me because it would have been a magical night, but you took Emily’s friend to help EZ out. Then after that, every other woman came and you know, that’s okay, because you were happy. But I wanted you to look at me just once and tell me I was beautiful, that your eyes were only for me.” Alena wiped her eyes. “When I told you my coach was touching me inappropriately, you made no hesitation and helped me. When I told my father he accused me of not wanting to swim anymore, an ungrateful child. Then he kicked me out and you and your family took me in. I wanted to end my life, but it’s like you knew because you were always there when I was losing myself.” 
Riz and Coco’s heart broke as Alena told Angel how she felt. They always knew their relationship ran deep, but this was something else. Riz never knew about Alena’s coach, but Coco did. He also knew why Alena let the motherfucker touch him. Thinking about not having Alena in their lives, if she was successful with ending it all, their lives would be much dimmer, darker. And Angel wouldn’t be what he was, an obnoxious loved up puppy, who was honestly one of the best fathers’ they knew.
“But I know that you like being the hero, to take care of someone, which is why you tolerate me. I want to let you know that you don’t have to anymore. I love you, and because I do, I’m going to let you go. Fifteen years, I’ve been in love with you for fifteen years.” Alena smiled such a broken smile that Coco and Riz almost reached for her phone, but they were frozen. It was like she needed this, this had to happen. “You have Cruz now and when we divorce you’re free to do whatever you please, just please don’t take Cruz away from me. He’ll be all I have of you. I know he’s technically your son, but he’s my son too.”
Angel gripped the phone harder, the tears streaming down his face. Is this what he did to her? Is this how much he’s hurt her? He could never take Cruz away from her, he could never be away from her, neither of them could.
Alena took another drink of the bottle. “Want to know something pathetic?”
“Alena.” His voice was broken, running his fingers through his hair as the burden on Alena’s shoulders came out. 
“No, listen.” She placed her index finger against her lips, telling him to not speak. “I knew what I was getting into, knew what would happen if I let you in, but I didn’t care. For once, I felt like you saw me and it felt so good. We were a family, you, me and Cruz. You always made me feel wanted and loved during those brief moments that you would show how much you care for me. Dumb stupid and naive Alena.” She let out a sob, wiping the snot coming from her nose. “Every time I’m about to walk away you always reel me back in, but not this time. I’m letting you go, not to be with Victor or anything, but so you can meet the love of your life and have a family with her. I really wished we had a child, just so I can have them and Cruz.” She managed to smile into the camera. Finishing the bottle, she placed it on the table, not even registering Angel’s reaction to this whole thing. “I love you Angel Ignacio Reyes, and because of that, I wish you a lifetime of happiness and love, even without me. You don’t have to protect me anymore, remind me of my silly appointments and medication refills, you’ll be worry free, just like my father when he walked away from me. I won’t burden you with myself anymore.” She looked up at Riz and Coco. They could tell she was barely holding it together. The two looked at the broken young woman before them and immediately stood up. Riz took Alena, crushing her onto his chest while Coco took the phone. He looked at Angel who was a sobbing mess as well.
“I’m on my way.” 
EZ immediately came to take care of Cruz. He didn’t ask any questions, especially seeing how distraught Angel was and the fact he spoke to him. Angel got on his motorcycle and sped all the way to San Diego. When he arrived, Riz and Coco were on the couch, solemnly drinking. They looked up at him, ashamed of what occurred.
“Hermano, it wasn’t supposed to happen like that. She was telling us how much she loves you and we just encouraged her to confess to you since she had nothing to lose, we knew she had nothing to lose.” Coco sniffled, wiping his eyes. “I didn’t expect for her to,” Coco sighed. “You have to fix this Angel, Alena deserves better than this.”
“Where is she?” 
“Her room, she worked herself up and had an asthma attack.” Riz frowned. “She’s fine, we remembered how to use her nebulizer and gave her medications. She’s better now.”
“Thank you.” Angel’s eyes were locked on Alena’s closed door. “You two know where the futon and shit is.”
“Don’t worry about it, we got it. Just take care of your wife.” Coco’s heart broke watching Alena work herself up. They wanted to give Alena the night off, to release her inhibitions, but not like this. They both knew they wouldn’t leave till they saw Alena up and breathing later on in the day. 
Angel quickly made his way to her room, quietly opening and closing the door. He found Alena on the bed, still crying but not as worked up. She didn’t even get up to check who it was.
“Coco, can you get me more Soju, I feel like it’s leaving my body.” Alena giggled. “I can smell Angel.” 
Angel would have laughed if he wasn’t hurting so much. He did all of this shit to Alena, he hurt her so much. No amount of groveling would ever forgive his sins, but from now on, he was going to make sure he would treat her better, be better for her.
He was in such distress, he didn’t even put on his kutte. He just had sweatpants on and a hoodie. Taking off his hoodie, he placed it on Alena’s chair. Alena was facing her side of the bed. He put one knee on her bed and Alena still didn’t turn to face him. He laid on his side, placing a hand on her hip.
“Hey baby,” he whispered into her ear as he made himself comfortable.
Alena turned to face him then, her eyes were red from all the crying, eyelids puffy. She smiled and placed her hand on his cheek.
“Oh man, I must have drank so much, I’m imagining that Angel is here.” She caressed his cheek. “Hello Imaginary Angel, you feel and smell real.”
Angel had to smile at that. “You doing okay?” He brushed her hair back, making Alena close her eyes.
“Yes Imaginary Angel.” She offered him a small smile. “I hope Real Angel doesn’t hate me because of everything I put him through.”
“Alena, I could never hate you.” He felt his tears well up again. Hearing Alena say all those things, how she was going to kill herself, how he tolerated her, and how she was a burden, it shattered Angel’s heart. How could she even think that? “How can you think you’re a burden to me? That I tolerate you?”
“Because everyone does. I’m the girl that everyone walks all over and forgets. I’m the one that everyone needs till I serve my purpose. I’m the one that gives, because I want to help everyone. I’m sickly, weak, and everyone just tolerates me because they need me.” Alena took her hand off Angel’s face, placing it in between them. “All the women who befriended me wanted an in with Real Angel, EZ or my brother. Carla is the only person I genuinely have. Real Angel likes being the hero, he feels second best to his brother, which is crazy because he’s better than EZ. He has a big heart and he always saved me when I needed him. Maybe you can visit me imaginary Angel, so I won’t miss real Angel as much.” She closed her eyes, covering her mouth as she coughed. “I’m preparing for the day he walks away, but it’s really hard.” Her eyes opened, a few tears falling from her eyes, her voice breaking as she said the last word. Her voice was just above a whisper.
Fuck, Alena was killing him.
“Alena, listen to me. I love you, I really do, I’m sorry I took as long as I did, but you’re the love of my life. It’s not about tolerating you, you’re never been a burden to me. If anything, I felt you were tolerating me. That I was burdening you. You do so much for me and I’m a fucking idiot for never noticing. I’ve taken advantage of you, but never again.” And that was a promise. “You’ve done so much for me and Cruz. He loves you as much as I love you, maybe even more. You’re our life Alena. Don’t prepare for a life without me, because there is no life without you.”
Alena giggled, pinching Angel’s cheek. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Imaginary Angel is saying all the things I want real Angel to say. I hope you visit me often when Angel divorces me.” Alena snuggled closer to him, resting her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her running his fingers through her hair.  “Imaginary Angel, I love Angel so much. Want to know a secret? The coach told me that if I didn’t let him touch me, that he would hurt Angel, cause he noticed how Angel always waited for me after practice. But don’t tell Angel because I never told him.” 
Angel froze hearing Alena’s words. 
That motherfucker did what now?
No, Alena would have told him.
No.
He pulled away from her and noticed how heavy her eyes were she was getting sleepy.
“Alena, hey, wake up.” He cupped her face, softly rubbing his thumb on her cheek.
Her eyes fluttered open, giving him a sleepy smile.
“Please tell me that isn’t true, please don’t tell me it is.”
“About the coach? It was imaginary Angel, he told me that if I told anyone, no one would believe me. That real Angel wouldn’t want me anymore cause I was tainted.” Alena intertwined their hands in between them. “He told me to think of real Angel while he was touching me, that I would enjoy it more. I didn’t, and he would get mad and hit me.” Alena frowned, looking at Angel’s chest as she spoke. “He tried to rape me the day Angel took that video of us. I never told Angel that my father let him in our home and he touched me there too. My father trusted him because he was the son of an old friend.”
Angel sat up, he couldn’t take it. Alena didn't do this, not for him. He wasn’t worth it. How could she let that happen? The rage within him was strong, beyond anything he ever felt. That motherfucker touched his precious Alena, using him for her nightmare.
He was going to find this motherfucker and he was going to kill him.
“Imaginary Angel, real Angel has been my hero and I would never want anyone to hurt him.”
“So it’s okay for you to be hurt for me?” Angel didn’t mean to be harsh, but he was angry.
“I can take it, for him I could. I’m strong to you know, for him and Cruz I am.”
“Alena,” Angel wiped his tears, running his fingers through his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me? You had every opportunity to do so, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because he said he would hurt real Angel, I couldn’t risk that. Angel is all I have. My family could turn their backs on me, but he never did.” Alena looked down at him. “Can you hold me again imaginary Angel, you feel like real Angel and I just want to cherish every moment we have left together. Please come visit me when he’s gone.”
Angel hated that she was preparing for this life without him. That she was preparing to endure for him again as long as he was happy. He always planned on being better for Alena, but he definitely was this time around. There was no way Alena was going to do this again, keep things to herself. They were a team, a unit and he was going to have her believe it.
Angel immediately held her. He couldn’t stop the tears from coming down from his eyes. He was going to fix this, Alena would never have to feel this type of pain again. Once everything settled, he was going to find that coach and fucking kill him, something he should have done ages ago.
“It’s going to kill me to see him with someone else.” Alena was running her fingers up and down his back.
“You’re never going to see that cause I love you and only you.” Angel knew this reassurance wouldn’t register, but he would prove it to her.
Alena laughed. “Imaginary Angel, you really are saying everything I want Real Angel to say. You know, I hope he dates Adelita when we divorce. She would be good for him, he needs a strong woman to hold him down. Or maybe Monica, cause she’s good with kids and she was the one that got away.”
“You don’t think you’re strong cielo? You’re the strongest person I know.” And she was. For having to deal with him, Alena was the strongest person he knew. This was killing him. How could he want anyone else when he had her? “She isn’t the one that got away Alena, I willingly let her go.”
“Real Angel really loved her. And now she’s back, it’s like a romantic movie.” He heard her voice crack at her last word. He told her not to worry about it when they dropped off Cruz a few days ago, it was silly of him to think it would register or sink in for Alena.
“Alena, I fucking told you, Monica doesn’t mean anything to me.” 
“It’s okay, Imaginary Angel, you’re really boosting my confidence.” Alena giggled. 
“You’re driving me insane Alena. I don’t need anyone else, but you. If there is anyone that would be the one that got way, it would be you and that’s never going to happen.” Angel was determined to make Alena his, at least in her eyes because for everyone else, it’s been them for a long time. 
“Victor told me that he was going to help me become stronger. He’s such a nice guy. I would date him just so it’ll make the aching for Angel less.”
Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.
“That’s not going to happen Alena, I told you, it’s you and me. I’m not going to divorce you.”
“Maybe not you imaginary Angel.” Alena giggled again, rubbing her face against his chest. “You’re so warm. Want to know what sucks?”
“What?”
“I let Victor kiss me to see how it felt and it was nothing compared to Real Angel.” Alena sighed. “I’m pathetic. Everyone is compared to Angel, but I’m sure all the girls Angel dated, I fail in comparison to, especially Monica.” That wasn’t true. They failed in comparison to her. “When that woman was sewing his patch on, that hurt. But Angel was moving up in the club and I was so happy. I’m really going to have to avoid him, which is why I’m moving to New York.”
Angel did not like all the revelations that were going on. 
“New York?”
“Sssh, don’t tell Real Angel. Victor has been talking to me about this art program there and I really want to try. It would help since my life revolves around Angel. I’ll still be here for Cruz and visit him whenever I can, but I’m going to leave, unlike Paris, I’m going to go and nothing is going to stop me.”
She was doing it again. She was plotting to leave him.
Jokes on her because that just wasn’t happening.
“You think I would let you go?”
Alena pulled away from him, looking up at Angel.
“Well hopefully you don’t imaginary Angel, you’re going to keep me sane.” She bopped his nose with her finger. “But real Angel won’t care, he already has Cruz, I’m not useful anymore. Remember I told you, everyone cares till I’m no longer useful and I’m not. Geez, pay attention.” She laughed. “He can be with Monica.”
Angel wanted to shake Alena. How could she even think he wouldn’t care about her leaving him? How could she think Monica was the one that got away? That was hardly the case. Most of all, how could she think that he was going to throw her away because she was no longer useful? This was ridiculous.
“I know this isn’t registering to you right now, but I’m going to prove to you that I love you and I’m worth it. You’re the love of my life Alena, I would never let you go. I’m a selfish bastard and that’s fine, as long as I have you. I would be lost without you.”
Alena remained silent. And Angel wasn’t sure if she fell asleep.
“You think he’ll miss me.”
“I always miss you.”
Alena’s breathing evened out, her body relaxing against his. Angel laid on his back, placing Alena’s head on his chest. He was done with the games. His girl needed him and he would give her the world, whatever it took.
Angel reluctantly left Alena since he didn’t want her to freak out knowing he came to San Diego. He knew Alena wouldn’t be ready to talk about it, he wouldn’t push her either. So now, he was waiting with Cruz anxiously as Alena made her way down from San Diego. Coco and Riz stayed and he requested for them not to mention anything. This was between him and Alena.
The door opened and Cruz immediately jumped down the couch.
“Mama!” He ran over to Alena and she picked him up, showering him with kisses. 
“Hey Cruzie,” she cooed, rubbing their noses together. “Mama missed you.”
“I missed you!” He wrapped his arms around her neck. He peppered her with kisses as well making Alena smile.
Angel stood up and walked over to Alena. He took Cruz and placed him on the ground, making the young boy frown.
“Daddy, it’s Cruzie and mommy time.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“I know little man. Daddy deserves love too.” Angel chuckled. He couldn’t help it. He hugged her, pulled away, cupped her face and kissed her. “Hey baby.” He pecked her lips one more time before stepping away. He saw the blush on her cheeks as she smiled, looking down at Cruz, not wanting to meet Angel’s gaze. He wasn’t obtuse of the effect he had on her, but after last night, he knew to not take advantage of what he had with Alena. His heart was still hurting.
She let that despicable man touch her to protect him. 
The rage he felt was indescribable. He felt powerless because he should have ended this man’s life. Alena told him it was only for a few months, but he doubted that now.
He was certain that it was ongoing for more than six months and that hurt him again. His precious Alena endured for him and whatever he suffered through was nothing. She thought he didn’t want her. His hot and coldness towards her left a mark. This would be something he’ll try to fix for the rest of their lives, but that was fine because Alena was worth it. 
They all sat on the couch, Alena strategically placing Cruz in between them.
“I was thinking we should go to the zoo tomorrow.” Angel’s eyes were just focused on Alena. Her confession, New York, everything was plaguing his mind. 
“Um, sure, I’ll ask Letty if she wants to come.” Alena kept her eyes trained on the television, PJ Mask was a stationary in their household.
“How was your night?” Angel questioned.
“Good, it says I FaceTimed you, did I really do that?” Alena hoped she didn’t say anything crazy. She had the craziest dream that she had a full blown confession to Angel and she was talking to an imaginary Angel. God, her dreams could be so vivid at times. 
“Yeah, you, Coco and Riz were just messing around.” 
Alena nodded their head. “Yeah, I had like eight bottles of Soju last night, unwinding to the fullest.”
Angel chuckled. “I bet. You doing good baby?”
Alena finally looked over at Angel and she smiled, nodding her head. “Yes, why? Am I missing something?”
“I’m just checking on you cielo.” 
“You don’t have to, I’m okay.”
“How can I not, you’re my wife, I always have to make sure you’re okay.”
Alena nodded her head. “Well from now on, don’t even fret over me, I’m fine.” 
This was it, she was pushing him away again. But not this time. He wasn’t going to let her.
“Tough shit Alena, I worry about you so regardless if you want it or not, I’m always going to check in.”
“You don’t have to worry about me Angel, you know I would tell you if something is going on. I’m an adult, I can handle myself you know.” Alena was curious why Angel was looking at her like she would break apart any minute. She didn’t like it and made her feel something else occurred last night.
“But that’s the thing, you wouldn’t tell me if something was bothering you because you’re trying to spare me.”
Alena was confused by his statement. Though it was true, she wondered why Angel was bringing it up.
Cruz looked at his father then his mother, cuddling closer to Alena. “Do I have a sibling yet?”
Alena and Angel looked at one another, bursting out in laughter. The tension that was rising was broken by their son.
“I thought we agreed on a puppy?” Alena scooped Cruz in her arms, blowing raspberries on his tummy. The gleeful shriek he let out made Angel chuckle.
“No, baby sister.” Cruz shook his head looking over at his father. “Right daddy? Baby sister?” Angel nodded his head in agreement. He wanted a little Alena.
“Why do you want a sister Cruzie? You don’t want a little brother?” Alena questioned.
“No, little sister so she looks like you.” Cruz crawled onto Alena’s lap. He placed his hands on her cheeks. “Then I can take care of her and protect her.”
Alena smiled, thinking of how much of a great big brother Cruz would be. “Yeah Cruzie? What will we name your baby sister if you get one?”
“Mmm,” Cruz thought for a moment. “Alena.”
Alena and Angel both chuckled. 
“Little man, we can’t name your baby sister after mama.” Angel turned to face them, his hand resting on Alena’s thigh. “How about Isabella?”
“I like that!” 
Alena and Angel listened to Cruz as he talked about all the things he could do with his baby sister. Angel looked up at Alena, her confession last night was still in his mind. He was thinking of all the things he could do for his wife, to prove to her that he was as devoted to her as she was to him. Maybe he couldn’t give up opportunities outside of Santo Padre like she could because he was a fuck up and stupid compared to his brother, but he’ll show her he was worthy.
==========
Angel pushed the cart down the aisle, looking at the list Alena gave him. Every once in a while, Angel did the grocery shopping to let Alena rest. She always did the grocery runs for the club and Vicky’s, the least he could do was to do it for their family. He left Cruz and Alena asleep on their bed after a morning of family painting. Much like while they’re sitting watching television, Alena kept her distance, mostly sticking by Cruz. 
He knew what she was doing, and this was not going to go on for long, not if he could help it.
Coco dumped four bags of chips in the cart, Angel giving him an incredulous look.
“First of all, who the fuck needs these much chips. Second of all, Alena likes the kettle chips, not plain old Lays.” Angel kept the Lays Cheddar Cheese and Sour Cream since he knew Alena liked that, but otherwise he took the other three bags, giving it back to Coco. “You call yourself her best friend? She doesn’t like any of the other ones.”
“They’re for me, idiot. Gilly has Alena’s picks.” Coco scoffed, placing the bags back down. Sure enough, Gilly came with a bag of the Lays a Cheddar Cheese along with the Ruffles version of the flavor. He had the kettle chips, original and the jalapeño ones as well. 
“You don’t usually go grocery shopping, you in the dog house?” Gilly questioned as he placed the bags down. 
“Surprised you haven’t told Gilly.” Angel continued to push the cart, adding the pasta sauce Alena requested. She made it easy on him, listing the exact brands and the alternatives he could get.
“He told me.” Gilly had his arms crossed, blocking Angel’s way. “So what’s the plan?”
“With what?” Angel grabbed a box of spaghetti, fettuccine and penne. 
“Alena, are you going to confess soon or are you going to continue to let her wallow on feeling unworthy of your love.”
Angel placed the list down on top of the eggs, narrowing his eyes at Gilly. “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but I don’t have to explain anything to you. What’s going on between me and my wife is between us. I appreciate your concern for my wife,” he emphasized the last two words. “But I plan on telling her what is going on soon.”
“You always say that, then you get fucking cold feet and you take back what you say. It’s different this time, I know. But how much more can Alena take? This girl devoted her life to you and the best you can do is confess to her? I get it, that would mean the world to her, but you have to give her a little more Angel. She’s moved mountains for you and took care of your son.” Angel was his brother, something he recognized and held dearly, but much like everyone, he watched this dance for far too long. Last night was what broke the camel’s back for everyone. It seemed that it was a consensus that decided that if Angel took back his words this time, they would make it a point to get Alena the fuck away from him. They wouldn’t let her stand by him. Angel was their brother, but this was tough love.
“You don’t think I fucking know that? You don’t think I know that she gave up her dreams so she can help me? I don’t need you reminding of my shortcomings with Alena cause it’s always in the back of my mind.” Angel didn’t want to have this conversation in the middle of the grocery aisle, but he was thankful that it was early in the afternoon. “I’m not going to take it back. Even though you fuckers hope I do so you can make a move, you all can fuck yourselves.” Angel knew it wasn’t true, but he wanted to push this aside. This wasn’t the right place for this conversation.
“You’re a damn idiot.” Gilly shook his head, moving out of the way. 
The boys continued to get everything on Alena’s list, adding a few things they knew her and Cruz would like. As they made their way to the check out lines, Angel looked over to the side, almost bumping the cart. His eyes landed on Alena’s former coach, Coach Marvin Henderson. As soon as Marvin’s eyes landed on Angel, his eyes drifted to his kutte, Gilly and Coco before immediately turning the other way. Angel could tell how the fear just sunk in on his body, that tensed up. He kept looking back making sure Angel didn’t follow. He was with a woman who looked to be his wife, she was his girlfriend then, and she knew what he did then. Her eyes landed on Angel and she pushed him forward, to create as much distance as possible.
But no distance would be too great to Angel.
His clock was ticking and even he knew that.
Their reputation preceded them, everyone in this small town spoke of them, whether it was out of fear, disdain, or awe, everyone in the town knew what they were capable of. Marvin had left town twelve years ago, Angel made sure he wouldn’t dare return and since he had, the consequences of his disregard to Angel’s warning would be paid in full.
“You know that guy?” Gilly questioned.
“That was Alena’s coach.” Coco was already around then, he knew this guy. “Are you going to take care of that?” Coco turned to Angel. 
“Yep.”
==========
The three Mayans came home and found Alena awake. Cruz was still napping and Alena was doing the laundry. 
Angel noticed that Alena was wiping her eyes and frowned. He walked over to her, softly calling out to her. “Cielo?” Alena didn’t answer, tilting his head, he noticed that she had her headphones on.
She looked up and wiped her eyes. “Hey! I didn’t hear you guys.” She took off her headphones. “Sorry, it was the confession part in my drama and I was just listening to it.” She laughed. Moving to the side she waved hello to Gilly and Coco who were bringing stuff in. “Are you guys staying for dinner? I’m making that baked ziti you guys like.”
“Fuck yes!” Coco called out as he walked out of the door to grab the rest of the bags.
“You spoil us Lenny.” Gilly added.
“Wait, no, it’s family dinner tonight. They can go fuck off.” Angel wiped her tears, reminding him of how she looked last night. He fucking hated seeing her cry. It didn’t even matter if it was some show that made her cry, he hated seeing it.
“I’m okay,” she moved her face away, picking up the basket of clothing she brought in from the garage. 
“Why do you keep pulling away from me?” Angel also hated it when Alena wouldn’t let him comfort her. He fucking got it, she was trying to get used to living without him, but tough shit, that wasn’t happening.
“I’m not, I don’t need you to wipe my tears, I’m fine.” She walked over to her room and just as he’s about to follow her, Coco stopped him. 
“What’s up?”
“They found him, he lives two streets over.” Coco showed him the text message from Riz. “What’s the plan?”
“We fucking kill him.”
“Kill who?” 
Angel and Coco turned to Alena who was holding the empty laundry basket. She eyed them curiously, unsure of what she walked into. Alena wasn’t obtuse and Angel told her everything. 
“We’re gonna kill Creeper, he’s being such a pain in the ass.” Angel chuckled, lying smoothly. “He fucked the order up for our work shirts.”
“Oh, I ordered it for him.”
Coco had to hold back a laugh along with Gilly as Angel scrambled to come up with an excuse.
“Did I say work shirt? Sorry baby, I meant some club shirts he ordered.” Angel felt like an idiot. How could he forget that Alena was the one who ordered their work shirts?
“No it’s okay, no big deal.” Alena laughed it off, slightly enjoying how freaked out Angel appeared. She went back to the garage leaving the three stooges behind.
“You couldn’t tell me she was behind me?”
“I didn’t fucking see her either with you blocking her.” Coco chuckled. “So we doing this tonight?”
“No point in prolonging it, I want him gone. He’s never going to touch my wife ever again.” Angel was quite pleased that Marvin had decided to show his face again. From what they gathered, he’s been back for months, thinking past grievances have been buried. But they haven’t. 
“Are you going to tell her?” Coco nodded his head towards the closed garage door.
“She wouldn’t want for us to kill him.” Angel sighed. He should tell Alena, but she didn’t need to know. She didn’t need this in her conscience. 
==========
Angel walked out of the clubhouse, the night time sky finally taking over. He didn’t want to prolong this since Alena and Cruz were waiting for him. They already had dinner, and made some excuse that Bishop needed them at the clubhouse to keep Alena from questioning anything. But she hardly ever did. She always waited till Angel was ready to tell her. He walked past EZ, not sparing his brother a glance. Coco and Gilly flanked his sides. Gilly unlocked the van slipping in the driver’s seat. Coco covered the license plate.
“Make sure you do this clean, burn their bodies on the other side.” Bishop advised. 
Angel nodded his head and slid in the passenger side. God bless technology and Riz being a whiz, they figured out that the two lived at a home two streets away from Alena and Angel’s home. The fact this mad has the audacity to move so close pissed off Angel. There were no cameras and if there were, they were cutting the power. 
It was close to one in the morning and Angel was going to make sure these two wastes would never see the light of day again. 
They arrived at the street, parking a block away. Before going inside, they slipped on their ski masks, kutte tucked in the van. Angel’s signature chains were missing so they wouldn’t be able to identify them. Coco and Gilly went to the back, cutting the electricity off. 
The two were still awake, so a shriek was heard due to Marvin’s wife freaking out. Angel knocked on the door, waiting for someone to open it. The door opened, it was Marvin. Angel immediately punched him on the face, and before his wife could let out another shriek, he shot her right in the head. The silencer muffled any sound and she dropped to the ground. Marvin wanted to scream upon seeing his wife’s lifeless body, but he expected this.
He didn’t want to move back, but Sheila became cocky, thinking that whatever happened all those years ago was forgotten, he knew better.
Angel locked the door as Marvin moved away from Angel.
“If you want money, I have twenty five thousand dollars in the safe upstairs.”
“Why the fuck would you keep twenty-five grand in your safe?” Coco wasn’t even sure why he would ask, but why would a coach stash that much fucking money at home?
“Or do you want the drugs? They’re in the safe too.”
“Drugs?” Gilly looked at Angel.
Whatever this man was saying was not registering. All he could think about was Alena’s confession and how this man threatened to hurt him, how he used to hurt her, and how he made her life miserable.
‘He told me to think of real Angel while he was touching me, that I would enjoy it more. I didn’t, and he would get mad and hit me.’
Angel took off his mask and Marvin immediately backed away further.
“Angel, man, I left when you asked me to leave.” Marvin was intimidated by Angel then all those years ago. For a nineteen year old, he had an intimidating presence that even rattled Marvin. He knew sexually assaulting Alena was wrong, but she was such a sweet innocent girl, he couldn’t help it. 
“So why did you come back?” Angel made his way over to him, Marvin hitting the wall behind him, he had no more escape. 
“Because I’m a fucking idiot.”
“Do you know that her father kicked her out of their home? Cause he couldn’t believe that you would ever do something so despicable to someone you’ve known since she was a child?” Angel looked menacing. Coco and Gilly cleaned up Sheila, leaving Angel knowing this was something he needed to do on his own. “Did you know that she hasn’t swam in years because every time she did, she would panic thinking of you? Did you know that she had a hard time being intimate since the only thing she could think about were the despicable actions you did to her?” Angel crouched down in front of him, placing the muzzle of his gun resting against Marvin’s head. “You told her to think of me when you touched her, cause it would feel good since you knew she liked me.”
“She loved you Angel.” Marvin’s tears streamed down his face, mixing with the blood coming down from his nose. “I heard you were married, why does it matter what happened with Alena? You obviously got rid of her.”
Angel chuckled, leaning over so he was right beside his ear. “She’s my wife.” He growled out.
Marvin froze then. 
How could he be so stupid to think that Alena wasn’t his wife. He’s seen Alena around town, but he made sure that their paths never crossed, he knew once they did, he would be done for. Though he prayed that maybe Angel was no longer in Alena’s life since he was married. Unfortunately for him, he ran into Angel. He and Sheila were going to leave tomorrow and never look back. If he thought Angel looked menacing then, it was a whole nother level now. 
“Angel, listen, you want money? It’s yours. The drugs I have in the safe are worth at least ten grand. I’ll leave right now and never look back, just please, don’t kill me.” He couldn’t beg for Sheila’s life, but he could plead for his.
“When she pleaded for you to stop, did you stop?” Angel roughly grabbed his chin, pushing his head against the muzzle of his gun. 
Marvin sobbed harder, he knew he wouldn’t win this. Cause he didn’t stop, he would hit her or tell her to do it for Angel. 
“You didn’t right?” Angel let go of his chin, hitting him with the back of his gun. “Answer me motherfucker, did you fucking stop?”
“No, I didn’t.” He managed to sob out, sobs that increased when he heard Angel cock back his barrel. “Angel, I’m sorry, please, I can’t take back what I did, but if I could, I would.” His eyes drifted to Coco and Gilly who also had their guns out. “I apologize to her, I saw her a few years back, she was with her kid. She forgave me.” Well, maybe she didn’t and she looked frightened more than anything, but to him, he said his piece and he apologized. That counted for something. 
He remembered that, she called him frightened and was scared that Marvin would hurt Cruz. She thought she was being irrational, but he understood her fear and now, he further understood why she thought he would use Cruz against her.
She had nightmares for two weeks, screaming for Marvin to stop, she had to take some time off work. It was hell and Angel remembered how she wouldn’t tell him the extent of Marvin’s actions. He didn’t push her, he just held her.
He didn’t give a flying fuck if Marvin thought she forgave him. Angel didn’t, and even if she did that didn’t save his life.
Angel didn’t reply and stood up. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I didn’t end your life fucking sooner.” Before Marvin could even utter a reply, Angel unloaded his clip on him. He thought it would be satisfying, and it was, but it could never take back his actions towards Alena.
But at least he was preventing it from occurring again.
“You okay?” He heard Coco ask.
Coco and Gilly stood by, watching, hearing Marvin’s words. They felt for Alena and were glad that Angel took care of him.
“No, but I will be.”
==========
Alena woke up, rubbing her eyes. She fell asleep watching the Punisher. She was trying to make a mental note as to where she left off. She sat up and gasped when she saw the silhouette of a person sitting on her armchair. She quickly grabbed her glasses and found Angel sitting down. It was a deja vu moment when she found him sitting down, flipping his keys around after what occurred with EZ.
“Angel?” She called out. “How long have you been sitting there?”
“A few hours.” Angel came home and didn’t even undress. The dirt of the desert was still present on his clothing. When he entered their room, the Punisher was playing, with Alena sound asleep, her head on his pillow. He wasn’t even sure why he shed tears. It wasn’t for Marvin. It was for what occurred with Alena. He sighed. “Can you please come here?”
Alena followed his request, stopping a few feet away from him.
“Cielo, just please come closer, can I hold you?”
Alena was reluctant and her reluctance wounded Angel. But as quick as her reluctance appeared, she quickly sat on his lap, leaning back so her weight was more towards his knees.
“You know I’ll always protect you, right?” Angel placed a hand on her hip and another cupped her face.
She nodded her head. “Of course.” She placed her hand on top of the one that rested on her face. A few strands of his hair were on his forehead. She combed his hair back with her fingers, Angel’s eyes closing at the sensation.
“Do you trust me?” He opened his eyes.
“With my life.”
Angel pulled her against him, surprising Alena. He had his head buried at the crook of her neck, Alena wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect you all those years ago, but that’ll never happen again.”
“What are you talking about?” Alena was confused, but she continued to hold him.
“With your coach, I should have caught on when you stopped hugging me, when you flinched whenever I came close to you. When you began to wear clothing that covered your whole body during the summer.” Angel sighed, his warm breath against her skin.
“It’s okay, Angel. No one could have known. You’ve done so much for me, please don’t fret over me. I’m good, I can take care of myself.” Alena assured him.
“Stop pulling away from me. I know what you’re trying to do, trying to practice some crazy scenario where I’m no longer around, pulling away so it’ll hurt less. Stop it.” He sat back, his hands resting on her thighs, running them up and down. “I love you Alena, there’s never going to be a life where I don’t have you beside me. I get it, you’re trying to protect your heart, but please give me a chance.”
Alena didn’t know what to say. Angel has said I love you to her before, numerous times actually. But this felt different.
‘No, don’t be stupid. This is how you always fall back in. You can keep Angel in your life without any expectations from him.’
She leaned forward, crushing their lips together and Angel immediately responded. She rested her arms around the nape of his neck, moaning against his mouth as she felt Angel’s fingers graze the skin under her breast, his hand had slipped inside her shirt. She pulled away, placing kisses on his jawline down his neck. She bit down, making Angel groan and thrust up into her. Kissing him one more time, she palmed his growing erection making Angel moan out her name. They hadn’t been intimate like this for some time and Angel needed her.
“Sorry, I’m on my period.” She stood up, Angel’s mouth dropping open when he saw the devilish smirk on his sweet, innocent Alena. He turned her into this and he was so fucking proud.
“Oh baby, just wait till you’re done with your cycle.” He smacked her ass. “Or we can fuck in the shower, is it your first day?” Angel stood up, wrapping his arms around her from behind. 
He nibbles at her ear making Alena giggle. “It is, sorry.” She went to use the bathroom, walking back to the room, Angel was waiting outside.
“I gotta take a shower, want to join?”
Alena shook her head, kissed his cheek and went back to bed. Alena was half asleep when Angel joined her in bed, pulling her against him. 
“You never have to worry about that coach ever again cielo.” She felt his lips on her forehead, and as much as she wanted to ask for clarification, sleep took over.
==========
Alena filled out the form for the eye doctor. Angel sat beside her, playing candy crush on his phone. Alena didn’t want him to come, but Angel insisted since he didn’t want for her to go alone. Currently, Alena was on a two week break from work since Mr. Johnson attended one of his nieces’ wedding. Victor invited Alena, but she declined. 
“So, your cycle usually lasts 4 days?” Angel asked in a low tone.
She looked at him and that devilish smirk was ridiculous, but honestly sexy. “Yes, it’s my 3rd day though, so, sorry.” Alena has been teasing Angel. He literally woke up to her giving him a blowjob yesterday morning. He wasn’t complaining, but as soon as he offered to do something to her, she would swat his hand away and walk away, preparing Cruz for school. Today, he woke up to her giving him a hand job and there was just so much he could take without touching her.
Alena was driving him insane.
“Cielo, you keep teasing me, you know payback is a bitch right?” 
“Ssh,” Alena shushed him as she continued to fill out the form.
Angel just chuckled, going back to his game.
Alena gave the form and did a few tests before the Ophthalmologist saw her. Alena really didn’t want Angel to go since her Ophthalmologist, Dr. Wu was kind of cute. It was definitely nice eye candy to have. 
When they called her to the back, Alena somehow convinced Angel to just stay behind. She was led to one of the examination rooms and thanked the assistant Maggie.
“Your husband is quite good looking.” Maggie commented making Alena laugh. Her eye doctor was in another town, so they weren’t exactly familiar with the Mayans.
“Thanks Maggie.” 
Alena sat down on the chair, waiting for Dr. Wu to arrive. Once he did, Alena sat up straight and smiled. He was a good looking man, who was kind and had a really nice smile. His hair was short in length, slightly spiked up on the front ends.
“Well if it isn’t my favorite patient, how are you Alena?” Dr. Wu walked in with her file.
Alena blushed. “Good, but we both know your favorite is my mother.”
“Not true, though I do tell your mother she’s my favorite so she won’t hurt me.” Dr. Wu was a family friend. Prior to her father leaving, she saw Nick often. They eventually lost touch and recently reconnected a few years back.
Alena laughed at that. “And I don’t blame you. My mother is quite intimidating.”
Angel was busy playing his game, wondering if Alena always took this long to finish with her eye appointment. It’s been thirty minutes and he was certain it didn’t take this long. The door opened and when he looked up, his brows furrowed. Alena walked out, eyes trained on the man with her. The waiting room was empty since it was lunch time and she was the last patient they took before closing for lunch. He gave her a bag and smiled down at her. Before Angel could even register what was going on, the doctor hugged Alena, a little too long for his liking and pulled away.
Now he knew why she wanted him to stay behind.
It was Nick Wu, her old childhood friend that he saw her with from time to time when he picked her up. He never introduced himself, and Nick never bothered either.
“It was nice seeing you again, you should definitely come to my parents’ wedding anniversary. Your mom and brother are going. And if it makes you feel more at ease, your father isn’t invited.” Nick wasn’t an idiot and knew what occurred with their family. 
“I’ll let you know, thanks again Dr. Wu.” Alena beamed up at him.
“Lena, you can call me Nick. It’s not like we haven’t known one another.”
“You ready to go babe?” Angel cut in, wrapping an arm around Alena’s shoulders. He looked at this doctor and smirked. “I’m Angel, Alena’s husband.” He stuck his hand out. 
“Nick, pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard great things about you.” He shook his hand. And he has, Alena’s mother always gushed about Angel and Alena has mentioned him a few times. 
“Wish I could say the same about you.” 
“I’ll see you, bye Nick.” She wrapped an arm around Angel and pulled him away from the office. 
Once they exited, Angel didn’t let her go until they got to her car. He opened the door for her and she slid in, placing her purse on the floor. Angel slid in at the driver’s side, turning the car on.
“What was that?” Angel turned to look over at Alena. 
“Hmm?” 
“Is that why you prefer to go alone? Cause it’s Nick?” Angel was jealous, he could admit that. Alena always preferred going to her eye doctor alone and now it made sense.
“Angel, he’s like an old family friend.” Alena explained.
“That I’ve never met.”
“Yes, it happens. Nick never came to Santo Padre.” Alena replied. “And you’ve met him, well sort of, when you used to pick me up from school.”
Angel narrowed his eyes. “Is he married?”
“No, he’s single I believe.” Alena wasn’t exactly sure since she never actually asked Nick. “I’m not sure, I don’t really ask him.”
“Is he one of the people your mother had lined up for you?”
“I don’t know? What’s with all the questions?” Alena smiles teasingly. “Are you jealous?”
“Alena, what kind of a fucking question is that? Of course I am. I didn’t even fucking know he was still a part of your life.” He didn’t like Nick then, he still didn’t now. Angel was unreasonable, but he always liked being number one in Alena’s life. Nick came close to replacing him and he could never forget that.
“Angel, he’s just an old family friend. Don’t worry about him.” Alena didn’t want Angel to be upset over nothing. She didn’t like Nick in that way. He was good looking, but she wouldn’t want to be with someone who had such a close connection to her father. And she also never saw him in that way. She admired him, but it just stayed there.
Angel didn’t reply and drove off. It’s not like he didn’t trust Alena, but it was crazy how he was more aware of all the men he could have lost Alena too. 
The rest of the day went off without a hitch, he just had a small run with the club and he went with Alena to her eye appointment. She got new glasses, so he was glad they went today. He was still thinking about that doctor. He didn’t think Alena was cheating on him, but it just made him uneasy. Were there other men that Alena didn’t tell him about? Alena was also oblivious to men hitting on her unless it was very straightforward.
“Angel?” He looked over at Alena who was standing at the end of the couch where his feet were. He was relaxing here since he wanted to watch television and not bother Alena. And he also might be upset at her little display at the doctor’s office.
“Cielo, you okay?” Angel grimaced seeing the tears in Alena’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Can you just hold me? If you don’t want to, it’s okay,” Alena approached him, frowning at how small she felt. She hated reliving that assault with her former coach. “Never mind, sorry.”
Angel grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. Alena laid on top of him, wrapping her arms around Angel. 
”I got you, I always do.” He never knew he would miss holding her as much as he did, but he truly missed her. He kissed her forehead, running his fingers through her hair.
“Thank you.”
“You want to go out to brunch tomorrow?”
“With Cruz?”
“No baby, just you and me.”
“Sure.” He could hear Alena fading and he felt himself fading.
This was all he wanted in his life, to have Alena in his arms. 
123 notes · View notes
silver-wield · 4 years
Note
I want to know what your thoughts are on the optional Aerith resolution scene? Particularly around the time where Aerith says the "love" line?
Awww man, you're gonna make me watch that? Lol
Ok let's do this then.
Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.
Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.
You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.
Other analyses if anyone’s interested.
Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 
Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 
Tifa character analysis 
Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then) 
Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 
Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 
Cloti reunion analysis 
The Promise Analysis 
Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response) 
Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 
Cloti action touching 
Aerti friendship analysis 
Cloti body language chapter 3 
Cloti healthy disagreement 
Cloti post heliboss battle (chapter 15) 
Clerith playground scene 
Cloti body language plate fall 
Cloud and Barret friendship 
Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.
Recap time!
So, Aerith's been taken by Shinra and the group is still feeling the after effects of the plate fall. Everyone's pretty demoralised and after they visit deep ground and Cloud gets the aborted flashback of himself inside a chamber being experimented on, he says to Elmyra they should go save Aerith before the same fate befalls her.
Elmyra asks they sleep on it.
During the night Cloud “wakes up” to see a ghostly Aerith heading downstairs. He follows her outside and they talk on the hill top where the lifestream can be seen glowing in the background.
It’s important to note that Cloud has literally just gone through both the train graveyard and seen a bunch of ghosts and the plate collapse where he’s seen a load of people he cares about die. 
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Cloud looks surprised. Hmm I wonder why....
Yeah, this is a no brainer opening. Aerith shouldn't be there and he doesn't think he's asleep at this moment. He looks around and figures out it's a dream, but isn't totally sure because how often does anyone have cognisant dreams?
You can see the doubt about if she’s a ghost or not and she doesn’t clear that up, so Cloud’s left wondering if Aerith’s dead already. The following conversation doesn’t reassure him.
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Aerith's “Maybe. You tell me,” doesn't actually help here. If Cloud's having doubts about how real it is – and she's aware of his fake persona and wants to know the real him – then causing further doubt in his mind seems counterproductive. It's like she's implying an illusory nature to their relationship. It also feels like foreshadowing the moment Cloud thinks he’s not real. 
She's also not looking at him when she says it, so even if it was a teasing moment between them, she's automatically set a distance between them. Because eye contact matters, remember? When someone can't meet your eye it's for a reason, whether they're uncomfortable or hiding something or whatever. Eye contact is a conscious connection between two people. Deliberately not making eye contact has meaning too.
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Aerith exposition. Lots of fidgeting. No eye contact. She seems like she's making small talk to avoid something. Even when Cloud faces her head on she quickly turns away again to stare off into the distance. Cloud remains in her peripheral vision only. When Aerith does turn to reassure Cloud, he looks away.
And after is the immortal line “Don't be silly” in response to Cloud's sarcasm. I mean, isn't she supposed to be the sweet one? So wouldn't her saying silly fit with her vocabulary? Or should she have said something like “Cloud, don't be a fucking moron” because she swore that one time and everyone erupted into cheers over it? Let's say it is a callback to Claudia, who somehow had a prophetic vision of Aerith being “the one”. Aerith didn't say “silly goose” which was the exact line Claudia said, so technically Aerith's only half of what Claudia suggested. If Tifa says “goose” at some point does that validate her being in the running too?
Yes, I'm being facetious. Point is, unlike the promise between Cloud and Tifa when it was Tifa reusing her own words, this relies on Aerith having meta knowledge of what Claudia said to Cloud when he was 16 and Aerith was with Zack. So, with that in mind, why would Aerith care what Claudia had to say about some other guy she doesn't even know when she's already got a boyfriend? The implication of this is that Aerith already knew everything that would happen to Zack and she'd already moved on from him to Cloud before they ever met and yet she kept writing letters to Zack the whole time.
But then after meeting Cloud she decided to take him up on the slide and talk about her dead boyfriend...as a way to let him know she's single?
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This is Cloud's face when Aerith says in a perky voice “You worried about me?” This is the bit where he says “Of course.” It's a very neutral expression tbf. There's not anything being given away and the way he says the line is very simple too. Nothing suggests he's revealing a big secret to her or that he's embarrassed by his concern. I'd say it's SOLDIER!Cloud at rest since we know from the devs that Cloud still puts on a front with Aerith because he doesn't know how to deal with her. Which is typical for Cloud since he's emotionally 16 and never dealt with girls.
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That perky persona visibly drains from Aerith's face and body language. Her posture sags, she breaks eye contact, she looks sad. This is the image of someone who isn't happy to hear that Cloud's worried about her. Now, if she was into the whole ship wouldn't she be happier to hear that line from him? She's regretful and turns away again, using her body as a barrier to any possible intimacy.
I'm sure people disagree, so imma explain. If she'd turned her back that would be an outright rejection. She'd be fully closing herself off. By turning away, she's indicating the conversation isn't over, but her degree of attention on Cloud is less than if she'd face him head on. If she stayed facing him, then that builds intimacy since face to face is open body language which can have several interpretations – some of which I've mentioned before like confrontational when Cloud steps up to Rude. When it's between a couple, it's suggestive of building intimacy and trust.
And when Cloud takes a step towards Aerith, she steps away again, towards the lifestream in the distance. Not permitting the closing of distance is a sign she doesn't want to encourage intimacy with him. That she walks towards where the lifestream is means that's where her attention and focus is. Whether that's an overarching plot reason or from a “Zack is there” reason is up to your interpretation.
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Another immortal line. Considering Aerith just stepped towards where we can see the lifestream and that she's taking up her priestess pose we can reasonably assume she's thinking of Zack, unless you're once again subscribing to the theory that she's meta!Aerith aware of her own death and speaking of that. In which case, yall need to make up your minds whether she's one or the other because you can't swap between the two when it suits you just to justify your arguments.
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When Cloud says “I'll remember that” in response to Aerith's advice that “every moment matters” it definitely comes across as one of those character building life lessons that Cloud's had over the course of the game. He got one from Barret about how not everyone has a choice to run away, one from Marle about listening to others and caring and now he's got one from Aerith about making the time they have count. These are mentor moments.
But more importantly, look who Aerith's looking at when she says that line. It's not Cloud, not the lifestream. Us. The players. She is talking to us. This isn't just wisdom for Cloud, it's for us, too.
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After a 9 second pause from Aerith, in which she looks at the ground, Cloud offers a suggestion of what she wants to say next. She seems very lost in thought during this time, and almost reluctant to speak. Considering she always seems to know what to say in any given situation, this is off. This very long pause is the longest she's been silent in the whole game. It's notable. She almost seems to be warring with herself as her eyes narrow and she subtly shifts from side to side.
I may well be wrong about the length of time she’s silent. It could be 7 seconds in a callback to the 7 seconds it took for Sephiroth to drop and kill her in OG. 
I'm one of those who does subscribe to the whole OG!Aerith vs meta!Aerith theories – which I stick to throughout every scene involving her so don't even try and @ me and say I'm a liar – and to me, this looks like OG Aerith trying to assert dominance over the situation, while meta Aerith wants to refuse.
When Cloud speaks, Aerith looks grateful for the cut in. It pulls her out of that warring state, while he's trying to look cool and mature still lol (dork)
Okay, so that whole speech she gives about thanking him is definitely coming off like she's aware of things she shouldn't know yet. This may be what OG!Aerith was trying to prevent her from saying. This isn’t something that Cloud should know yet, after all.
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After some physical humming and hawing, eyes downcast, then glancing away and we get a shot of her feet – remember all of this is intentional to build a story here – she looks up and we get this line that's making certain people freak out with joy.
Quick lesson on intonation.
Intonation is the rise and fall – the pitch – of how you say certain words. The way you say them gives them their meaning. You can say the same words in many different ways to convey different meanings and/or emotions.
I've previously focused on Aerith's choice of the word “can't” here because this is the key word in the phrase.
Honestly, I'm not entirely sure how certain people are interpreting this line to turn it into a positive. The word “can't” is synonymous with an impossibility. It means “there are specific reasons why this isn't possible.”
Aerith didn't say “Don't” as in “you shouldn't”. She said “can't” as in “not able to”. She is telling Cloud that he's not able to love her. The specific intonation on the word “can't” supports this evidence. If yall wanna examine it more closely then I suggest you turn the sound down slightly so it's actually harder to hear the whole sentence and see which words have more emphasis. Can't has specific emphasis, which wouldn't be there if she wasn't stressing the word.
As for her facial expression. I mean, this doesn't look like the earlier one where she's sad or regretful. This is matter of fact. She's telling him this as a kindness because he's not yet aware of the reasons that she is.
(Note: I didn't say which specific reasons because some of yall say it's her death and others say it's Tifa, so that's up to you. There's reasons, is my point).
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So up until she said that, Cloud was actually looking at her. But this made him turn away in dismissal. Not with embarrassment. He's not caught out and flustered. He's SOLDIER!Cloud, remember? He's all front and super cool facade.
This isn't the first time a girl has thrown herself at him. Jessie did it too, only more ott. Cloud's used to brushing off girls and does it without effort.
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I'm sure up to this point some people have been screaming about how biased I've been and unfair and this is so cloti (excuse me while I roll my eyes).
So, if I'm biased why am I about to point out that the above screen is real!Cloud popping in for a visit? This is him overriding the SOLDIER persona to question if Aerith might have a point. But not about her. About Tifa. Because within the previous few hours, Cloud and Tifa shared an intimate moment. And it wasn’t soldier Cloud who did that. It was real Cloud. Aerith is calling attention to real Cloud’s feelings for Tifa, which makes him look to the house where Tifa is sleeping. He gets soft eyed and starts to smile, but then seems to want to question himself, which we know isn’t a good idea. Real Cloud and Soldier Cloud aren’t ready to meet yet.
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And while real!Cloud is busy debating with SOLDIER!Cloud about Aerith's words, she's approached completely silently – because, ykno, she's not actually there – and he's caught sight of her hand in his peripheral vision. The second she touches him he jerks back looking surprised. This wasn't a telegraphed move where he saw it coming from 10 feet away and chose to do nothing.
I also question that if he can feel her hand here then it's solid, but when he goes to grab her it's not? So, she chose to let him feel the first touch, but then rejected him grabbing her? Or is it more likely that having caught sight of her hand in his peripheral vision he didn't actually feel her touch his face then or the time after because Aerith's not there. There's no actual physical interaction between them.
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This is pity. Not much else to say about it. Meta!Aerith knows Cloud's future and that by introducing these future concepts to him, she's causing confusion ahead of the time it should happen. She feels bad about that and probably about her OG behaviour that she had no control over thanks to the Whispers forcing her to go against her real nature.
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Well, I was going to say that Cloud going to grab her wrist – not her hand – is just further proof of her intangible presence. She isn't someone he can hold onto. But having grabbed this screen it's clear he wouldn't have grabbed her wrist at all either. His hand is open and aimed at her forearm and already passing through her well before he tries to close it.
And the reason why goes back to the ghost thing. Cloud thought she wasn’t there in person, that she might be dead or it’s a dream, but then she touched him. So he wants to grab her the same way he did Jessie in the pillar, to try and keep her alive. But his hand goes through her and he’s left looking confused again.
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“Do I get a say in all this?”
Well now. That's a bit different. I'm sure like everyone else we've all been convinced that Cloud said “Don't I get a say in this?” like he's arguing with Aerith's decision. That he's admitting he's already in love with her.
“Do I get a say in all this?” is a totally different kettle of fish.
Don't connotates a confrontational tone. It's argumentative. It's rejecting whatever previous statement was made.
Do is a question. It's inquisitive. Placid. Neutral. It's neither confirming, nor denying the previous statement. It's merely asking for more information.
Funny how those little word replacements some people use end up twisting the narrative.
Cloud’s not just speaking about Aerith’s most recent statement either. He’s talking about the whole conversation they just had. The possibility that she’s dead or dying and he doesn’t get any choice about it. This is a throwback to the OG theme of life and death and how the dying get to say goodbye and decide how to leave, while the living don’t and have to figure out how to move on from it afterwards. 
Anyway, Cloud has his back to us, so we don't even know if that's coming from SOLDIER!Cloud or real!Cloud, so that's up for debate and I won't even bother since he's got his back to us and we can't see either way.
And then we've got the cool SOLDIER!Cloud (screen) telling Aerith he's gonna save her. We already know that Cloud does his best to sound cool and confident when talking to Aerith because he doesn't know how to be himself around her. This is the kind of line you'd expect to hear from him.
She replies, “If that's what you want.” which is also very non-specific. It's a neutral statement that leaves things up to Cloud. It could imply an answer to the previous question he asked, since the two do stand beside each other and make sense. However, the interjected “It's almost morning” line breaks this up and makes it less of an impactful statement from her. She's done her upmost to neutralise any romantic context from this scene.
Conclusion
If yall saw romance then okay, you must be right.
I sure af didn't. I saw a regretful Aerith telling Cloud things he shouldn't be aware of yet, feeling more regretful for confusing someone who's already suffering from mental illness and then making non-committal statements that neither reject or encourage his attention.
Maybe she's regretful for her own sake as well, knowing what she does about him and still doing this to push some future narrative only she's aware of, but I wouldn't say this is romantic. It's clearly some kind of goodbye from her. Cloud, for his part, looks confused and guarded through most of the scene. There's one moment when his real self peeks out to question Aerith's meaning, but then he's gone again. We can't say for any certainty that his question was asked by his true self or his SOLDIER persona and without visual context I won't speculate.
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selfcareparker · 3 years
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okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!
also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)
the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓
you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(
now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol
OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY
PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha
LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ
now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)
(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓
me reading this:
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also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺
i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg
yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao
and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰
Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs
I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it
GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG
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^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film
I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)
47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)
oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀
and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)
++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌
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