#OnlineDiary

[cherrye03]

online 💻 O_o

[bossapplesauce]

Creating my own sunshine ☀️

[reynanghugot]

[10:41PM 07222024] kamusta na nga ba ko? recently di rin ako okay, alam yan ng ilan sa mutuals/friends ko dito na nakaka chikahan ko sa personal message like puro shit post sa fb, puro wins and happy memories sa ig/fb stories. idk pero yun ata talaga yung isa sa personality ko na if nakilala ako ng tao na strong ako, ayoko na mabago yun. ayoko na maiba yon kahit valid naman na maging mahina minsan o umiyak minsan.

graduating student ako, ended my last semester in PUP-OUS with flat 1 na GWA. happy ako sobra kasi i feel like lahat ng hirap and pagod ko ng apat na taon unti-unti ng nagpe-paid off like for real, after 12 freaking years finally totoo na 'to na masasabi ko na graduating na ko. aside from that, some saw my story rin na nakapag pa picture na kami for graduation with my friends. apparently, ayoko pa rin i-post not until makuha ko na yung list of names ng graduates. so far, masaya ako no jokes when it comes to academic kasi masasabi ko na finally talaga this is it, pwedeng pwede na mag retire mommy ko.

gumaan din yung dalahin ko recently sa mga relationship ko with friends. natuto ako na makipag communicate about sa nararamdaman ko sa friendship na meron ako sa mga tao na yon. i feel like masakit din sa part ko na magsabi ng mga words knowing na we experienced different traumas in life and i really appreciate them on how they accept my side, pano nila ko pinakinggan and pano nila pina feel sa akin valid din yung nararamdaman ko. this is the friendship na masasabi ko na di ko kailangan pumili. na di ko kailangan na umiwas. di ko kailangan may i-give-up nalang bigla. kasi for sure, sobrang deserve nila yung friendship na meron kami sa isa't isa. maybe some di maiintindihan but if you will listen lang sa lahat ng sides, sobrang gaan sa pakiramdam na para kang binunutan ng tinik sa dibdib.

on the other hand, i know health is wealth and just like before i humbly ask for you prayers na sana monitoring nalang ako annually and di na every six months kasi ang hirap, the anxiety and pressure di mo maiiwasan. aside from that, medyo mabigat siya financially like 20k and above yung kailangan kong i-raise every monitoring not included the follow up check-up fee and medicines kahit na sobrang mura ng maintenance ko for unemployed like me mabigat na rin siya.

finally, natapos ko na rin yung dapat kong gawin sa business ko kanina sa BIR babalikan ko nalang din yung receipt after 2 weeks. all i need to do is focus sa rebranding para mas organize yung shops and hopefully before the pasukan [kasi malapit lang kami sa school] maayos ko na rin yung area ko para sa small business ko.

above all, i am grateful to my strong support system, na hindi ako iniwan from my family to nikko to my friends. despite all the highs and lows since april 2023, they stayed and supported me throughout my ptc journey. sabi ng iba, arte nalang 'to. but for me it's a no. kasi hindi niyo alam pinagdaanan ko from my check-up, pre-op, post-op, till now. that's why i don't mind if my circle is small, as long as masaya ako with them, they respect, love, and understand me okay na ko na sila sila nalang.

kudos to myself for sharing a short life update that no one asked for. Good night!

[written-by-m]

Unexpected happenings.

We all met people for a reason. So make sure to be ready when unexpected things happens.

I was talking to a guy for almost 6 months, we always talk everyday talk about our lives and what happened to our daily work. Until I got attached, but I am so afraid that we might not have the same intensions with each other, so I still talk to him even though I am not sure if this is going somewhere. Until one day, it suddenly stopped. We lost our contact with each other, he starts not replying. And that's how I realized that there's nothing going between us. We are just friends. That 6 months of continuously talking with each other is just nothing.... for him.

That's why I decided not to message him anymore, cause remember no answer is an answer.

Until I met another guy, we have been talking for a few weeks, we connected a lot in different ways. Interests and hobbies. After a few weeks of talking, its weird and strange that I felt something different. He makes me feel happy everyday in that 1 week span. And I know he feels the same way because he is very vocal about it. He keeps saying that I am adorable, and likes everything about me. Until we decided to take it to the next step.

That's the time I realized that, it's not really about the timeline, it's about the intention of the person you will meet. You might be able to meet a someone and stay in your life for almost a year but in the end, their intention is not to pursue you. Then you will meet again someone and get to know them for a week but they will let you feel that you're their universe.

So make sure you are giving your precious times to someone who has the same intention as you are.

[pipers-hell]

Sometimes I wonder if I actually enjoy people. I think I like the attention I get from people or maybe I’m just saying this so it hurts less when they leave. Anyway I dyed my hair red and my bird likes it :) I’m really tired waiting for the Wi-Fi man.

[yourstruly-darkfaery]

A School Memory

So, I'll start with this, my current situation right now is that I'm dealing with my crush liking my friend but my friend not liking him back, so back to my point of view, I would do so many things for my crush, first I'd help him with quizzes, tests, etc. But in return, he wouldn't do any of that for me and in another situation, I went all the way and got him a bracelet, and he would always wear it on and off, there would be times when his excuse was that but he didn't wanna get it dirty, but then I realized that the bracelet I gave him was black so how in the hell would it get dirty, until to the point where he told me he lost it, I think this its just so unfair that he treats me this way.

this is the start of my blog/ online diary. this is where I'll be venting or telling how my day went, thanks for listening? or reading? whatever thank u anyway. ily have a wonderful day

[candytab]

smoke sesh :3 🎀🐇

went to a rave saturday >.<

[https-kirstenikita]

I'm not shit at this.

Writing is something that I’ve always enjoyed, but never felt good at. I remember getting a notepad and pens for Christmas one year as a child and deciding to write a story about fairies, and later on that year our school had a competition which involved “writing a book” so I translated it and submitted it. I never heard anything back.

I loved reading when I was younger, like many Jacqueline Wilson was my queen. I had nearly the entire collection and would read them over and over (and over) again. I had a lot of the original disney books as well, they were read a million times as well as a few others. I just loved reading, I would stay up all night reading and falling asleep with the book in my hand. As I entered secondary school it was the same, and sort of ended when I went into sixth form. I just loved reading, I still do, but after years of heavy academic work it was/is hard to enjoy. 

I wrote a LOT in my early teens. Fiction, non-fiction, blogs, mostly fan-fiction. I absolutely loved it, I’d have to stop myself from posting so much. Fan-fiction was my most successful, one of them has 1.6million reads on wattpad which just feels insane because that was just a little 14 year old me? I also have a plethora of diaries, journals etc that I continue to this day. Other than the physical diaries, this all stopped when school got more intense and sixth form started. I found myself either at school, working or doing schoolwork and lost the passion for writing, I also had a massive confidence knock during year 12. 

Even though I enjoyed writing, I didn’t feel like I was good at it. I never shared it with anyone apart from one friend, Emilie, who I bonded with a lot over music and writing and it was just something we always shared together even if it was shit. Other than that, my writing was mine, a secret to everyone but myself. When my GCSE exams were marked, it was a year where they had a massive shortage of examiners so they had teachers marking work in subjects they knew nothing about. This resulted on me barely scraping passing my English language GCSE despite having *almost* straight A’s in my coursework. At the beginning of year 12, one of my English teachers decided to bitterly tell me this information in front of the class, resulting in me storming out and screaming bloody murder in the sixth form block . I felt stupid, confused, cheated, like I’d been led on the whole of my GCSE’s. How on earth have I got A’s on nearly all of my coursework but a U (ungradable) on my exam when I did everything I was told to do? What? Honestly, it was one of the most confusing and heartbreaking moments of my educational career. I couldn’t believe it. 

I started doing English literature in sixth form, and after that incident it really knocked me. Year 12 was also a really difficult one for me because there was so much going on at home, this definitely added to things. I felt like nothing I did was right, whenever I’d ask for help I got hit with a snarky remark or to “google it” (yes, I will never get over this). I quit the course after 1 year because the drive and confidence was gone. I described myself as someone who’s “shit at English”. I would be that person constantly asking people to proofread, double check things, asking repeatedly if my work made sense and those people would make adjustments. 

It wasn’t until my second year of university that I really found my understanding for writing, and could see for myself that I’m good at it. I studied theatre and performance at university which was an accumulation of many things theatre-related but academically driven. We did acting, production and academic research but everything was heavily based on research and a big part of our coursework was how our research made a difference on our work. In my first year I passed with good grades, everyone says the first year of uni is a bit of a doss and it kind of was. Despite this, I wasn’t used to the amount of research and writing which was because I’d done a BTEC during sixth form which is more vocational (practical) so I spent more time on my feet than reading and researching. In the first year, we didn’t get to choose the subjects we did but it was divided up equally into acting, production and academic stuff, then from second year we got to choose what we wanted to focus on. I decided to take a leap and pick mostly academic modules for the entire year. In this, I decided to do 2 independent research modules - not a common choice.

I was hesitant at first but I loved independent research. That is the module that made me realise I’m good at research and writing. Finding something you love and pursuing it really shows your skills, and you don’t know until you’re in it. It absolutely helps that I had an amazing, open-minded tutor who I’d have fantastic 1-1 meetings with, she was brilliant. She was real and honest with me about my work. She taught me how to write, how to structure things but using my topic as the stimulus and when I say that put two and two together, it put two and two together. Suddenly my essay quality went up by miles, for every other subject I was doing I suddenly just knew how to write. This was because I had done it within a subject that was so familiar to me and it just clicked, I had a moment of realisation: I’m not shit at this. Everything came together and it was one of the most impactful moments of my life. My grades shot up as did my confidence. 

Since then, I’ve felt far better about my writing skills. I’m still slowly getting back into reading (despite graduating nearly 3 years ago…), but writing is definitely something I want to really make a habit of. I work as a receptionist and spend most of my day typing up emails, communicating and writing generally which secures that more. I even have people coming up to me now asking me to write stuff up for them and it makes me so happy because an 18-year-old would have never seen this coming.

Kirsten x

[aqueerkidsdiary]

[uniwithgrace]

uni so far

uni's been okay met some nice people but my accommodation is a NIGHTMARE

[elykmbr]

Check out this post… "▸ Family Trip 2024 ◂".

[bossapplesauce]

Super hot Saturdays ~

[reynanghugot]

08052024 • finally, natuloy na din yung plans to have lunch and coffee with these two. since bf/gf palang sila, nag-aaya na talaga sila na minsan labas kaming apat, kape, kain, kwentuhan, etc. ang odd lang din kasi itong wife ng cousin ko, never ko naka bonding ever since naging sila simpleng hi/hello lang pag pumupunta siya dito sa compound namin or if nakakasalubong ko sila sa sm. we never had a conversation until dumating yung pandemic. she messaged me some faqs about bpo, na refer ko siya, she got the job and after non tuloy-tuloy na until mapunta kami sa nails and lashes, tas ever since nakausap ko siya back in 2020, wala yang palya yearly may padala with or without occassion basta naalala niya ko [mostly holidays ng december and bday ko] pero walang formal conversation and long time bonding talaga.

come late last month, nagulat ako na nag open up siya sakin about life, relatives, etc. and tbh, di na ko na shock talaga after reading her messages knowing those people since childhood, ako nalang humingi ng paumanhin talaga on their behalf sa wife ng cousin ko. Sa sobrang people pleaser niya naabuso talaga siya to the point na nagaaway na sila ng pinsan ko kasi tuloy pa din siya kahit alam niya na bawal kasi for her regardless anong ginawa nung mga taong yon sa kanya or sa asawa niya [cousin ko] papalagpasin niya, she'll let it go kahit alam niya agrabyado sila. and to cut the story short, nagulat nalang din 'tong kuya ko na nagkausap kami recently to the point na three days straight, and may day na inabot kami ng almost 4am chit-chatting to each other dahil ganon nalang kasama loob niya.

Sa totoo lang, sobrang saya ko for my cousin. Sobrang bait ng in-laws niya at asawa niya. Deserve niya lahat ng meron siya ngayon. Kasi kahit ako, nung nakita ko achievement nila mag-asawa sobrang proud ako sa kanya kasi i know na kahit ganyan siya, he can provide to his family. kaya rin siguro ganon nalang sila pagsalitaan kasi for them walang character development pinsan ko kahit meron talaga to the point na kahit ginagago na siya ng mga pinsan namin na close niya before, pinakikisamahan pa din niya kahit di naman dapat.

Anw, ayun lang. Pagod nanaman today pero happy pa din kahit paano. Good night!

[220200202020]

MY 2024

[evilmemelord]

Bro imma be so fr

Sometimes I feel like I’ll never truly be a woman.

😳🤪🫡