#Only to DESTROY a cultural artefact real or not

[wherestoriescomefrom]

rian johnson took all that time, put in all that effort to make glass onion a fantastic period piece to the first four months of pandemic, a prescient narrative that anticipates the stupidity of rich billionaires, and then pulled the rug from under us because the world of benoit blanc just straight up doesn't have the mona lisa anymore

[highfantasy-soul]

NATLA - Episode 2: Warriors (1/4)

[Masterlist of my NATLA thoughts]

An explanation of what I'm doing here and my history with ATLA.

Of course, full spoilers ahead.

<previous/next>

Starting off with one of Zuko's tantrums was such a good choice. In the first couple episodes of the animated show, Zuko's frustrations at having lost the Avatar blow up all the time and it was great to see that represented - with the additional depth of him explaining exactly why he was so upset: the greatest warrior of all time was a 'coward' and ran. It gives the audience a great view of what Zuko values and how his expectations have been rocked, and therefore his world view being shifted. Iroh comes in to ease his discomfort and reassure him that it was Zuko's positive qualities that helped him find the Avatar and there is hope that he'll find him again. Hope is such an important theme in the whole series and I'm glad the live-action is focusing on it just as much for the 'villains' as they are for the 'heroes'.

For anyone still complaining about 'expositional dialogue', go back and watch S1E3 of the animated show, specifically (though really just rewatch the entire thing) and come back and tell me that wasn't waaayyy more egregious expositional dialogue than the live-action. Like I said in another post: expositional dialogue is NOT BAD, especially at the beginning of a fantasy story. We have to figure out the basics of the characters somehow and 'showing' isn't always possible or the best choice. Scrub the idea that 'telling instead of showing is bad writing' out of your mind, because it's almost guaranteed you're thinking of that advice so incredibly incorrectly that it's ruining your ability to consume media like a normal human being.

I like how Sokka and Katara are taking whether or not to leave their village for good seriously - especially Sokka, he was put in charge - it makes sense that he'd have to be convinced that abandoning his people is the best thing to do. In the first episode of the animated series, when Katara first discovers Aang is an airbender, she's ecstatic that she's finally found a teacher - and even makes to abandon her village in her desire to go find herself a master so she can learn more waterbending - we see that desire here at the beginning of the live-action episode 2 where she tells Sokka she can't just abandon this journey she's started - yes she wants to save the world, but she also wants to see where her waterbending journey can take her.

Also love the change that Gran Gran gave Katara the waterbending scroll - one that had been passed down in their tribe for generations before having to hide it from the fire nation. This hearkens to real-life examples of invaders trying to destroy the cultures of the indigenous population and them having to hide ancestral artefacts so they wouldn't get destroyed. While the pirates are a fun little side-quest and there's some excellent Zutara fodder there, I think it's a lot more impactful to have Katara learning waterbending from a cultural artefact right from her own family rather than a scroll stolen from who-knows-where. The pirates really only come back up to 'kill' Zuko at the end of the season, so that was easily folded into someone else having the blasting jelly.

Aang giving Gyatzo as good of a burial as he can was also a wonderful touch. This is all fresh for him - giving the Air Nomads he grew up with a respectful send off was the least he could do. It shows that Aang thinks about the little things, the small acts he can do to show respect and care for the world - just like the peaceful, nature loving monk we know from the animated series.

The real plot of the whole show isn't revealed in the animated version until we meet Bumi in episode 5 - I think it makes sense that, starting at the end of episode 1 of the live-action, we already get what the show is going to be about. It isn't until episode 7 of the animated series - when Aang sees the burned forest - that the idea of 'figuring out how to be the avatar' is mentioned and even after that, it's not until episode 8 where the comet time line is established and Aang even begins to think about learning to waterbend. But still, the goal of 'master the Avatar state and learn the four elements' is pretty vague and there are a lot of ways to accomplish that. Introducing the timely need to get to the Northern Water Tribe to help them with the fire nation attack gives the plot direction and purpose while still allowing for many events to happen along the way. The meandering quality of the first half of the animated season 1 is one of the most criticized parts of the OG series and the writers didn't even know what the story was going to be when they wrote those, so it makes sense that with the hindsight of the whole series in mind, the live-action would give it a bit more direction. Putting one time-sensitive task in front of Aang at a time also helps with the story structure, so I get why they first made the goal 'Northern Water Tribe', and only after they complete that timed goal will they introduce the comet.

It's great to see Iroh's love of food and interacting with the average people in every place they travel to is still a big part of his character. And Zuko sulking behind him telling him they don't have time for all this is just ripped right from the animated series. Dallas Liu and Paul Sun--Hyung Lee brought those aspects of the characters to life beautifully. Something I've seen is people upset that Zuko isn't as 'cool and calculating' as he is in the animated version and while I agree Zuko did have many of those moments, he was also rash and bullheaded too. I think the live-action really wanted to stay truer to the reality that these are kids - they're going to act more like kids than the animated counterparts did. Animated Zuko (and Azula for that matter) many times don't read as 14 and 16, respectively. They read as full-on 20-something year olds. The live-action is giving Zuko a bit farther to grow where it's Iroh being the strategist at the moment while Zuko is the driven child desperate to regain his honor. Also, just love all the complaints that the live action is so focused on telling not showing then complain that Zuko didn't say 'honor' once when…every single word out of Zuko's mouth and action he took SHOWED that he was fighting to regain honor. People need to pick a complaint and be serious about it.

[kiunlo]

still thinking about how fucked up Transformers: Prime is when you REALLY think about it.

you are a kid. you are a human being living on earth. you think you are existing in a world that is relatively normal. giant alien robots show up. all right that’s cool i guess. they are looking for resources and artefacts on your planet because they have been on planet earth before but like millions of years ago which is how their resources and artefacts arrived on earth in the first place to be dug up and shit. ok cool i guess that’s pretty neat. you learn about the alien’s mythology about their god creator Primus and the first thirteen Primes, and the battle against Primus’ brother named Unicron who was the god of chaos and destruction. ok interesting! you love learning about other cultures, and learning about the cultures of people from another planet has gotta be the coolest thing ever right?

and then the world looks, feels and sounds like it’s about to end. the ancient prophecy that was foretold millions upon millions of years ago on cybertron is being fulfilled. your planet is fucking toast. it is all about to end.

you learn that Unicron himself is the core of your planet. the chaos god who wants nothing more than destruction and death is the only reason that Earth exists. the core of planet earth is not magma, but rather dark energon, the most evil substance known to cybertronians, that can kill them, make them go insane and entirely corrupt their soul to the point where Unicron himself can just raise you from the dead whenever he feels like it and posses your body. and it’s also capable of making inanimate earthen technology come to life (and try to kill you).

unicron has been asleep the entire time that life has existed on his body, and when he starts to wake up, he learns about the life on his body, the earth that he has become, and he thinks that the plants and animals and humans on his body are nothing more than parasites to be exterminated. his own children. father earth himself wants you dead. he doesn’t like you. he doesn’t want to have you on his body anymore. he wants to commit the most fucked up and disastrous abortion known to man, and how could you possibly stop him?

eventually his soul goes back into a slumber, and then eventually it is trapped inside an unbreakable prison chamber for all eternity or some bullshit.

you are a human teenager living on earth, and things go back to normal. the giant alien robots go back to their planet and their millions of years old civil war (that they fought on your planet) is at an end. you have to act like the knowledge you have learned about your own planet doesn’t make you a little bit insane. you have to act like you’re normal. you have to go to college soon and pretend like you’re not about to lose every last bit of sanity left. you know that no therapist in the entire universe could ever help you understand or come to terms with anything that you have learned. everything is fine. except it really isn’t. because who’s to say that another volcanic eruption won’t bring forth dark energon from deep within the earth once more? what will humanity do once it learns the real truth of it’s own existence? what will they do with the dark energon that they find? will it destroy them? will they try to use it to their own horrifying doom? will they ever be able to come to terms with the truth? will you?

[divinekangaroo]

What does the burning of Tommys vardo mean to you?

I’m assuming this means symbolically.  There’s three parts:

The burning of the wagon doorway/threshold into death, representing the conclusion of Tommy’s “they wouldn’t let me pass through” refrain and suicidal intent

The fire and burning of the wagon itself representing death and rebirth; also the way the fire was lit by the liar who started this arc, representing the end of lies

Then there’s the special third thing which I find difficult to articulate, but which relates to Tommy’s view of his own ethnicity and the burning of the wagon meaning the end of (his belief in) the curses he carries. 

—-

Doorway/Threshold between life and death: 

The camerawork frequently positions inside the wagon and looks out through the doorway at the idyllic, surreally green, surreally beautiful landscape.  We never see Tommy using the wagon for ‘real things’ — prosaic functions like shelter, sleep, food etc — he’s scattered all that outside and is sleeping outside. Outside = for living and inside = for death.  Tommy only passes through that doorway into the wagon when he’s resolved to kill himself.  Even then, he faces out the doorway to that perfect scene.  

And what happens?  The ghost of his daughter (or if you prefer, his subconscious, or even unconscious mind, which remembers seeing and ignoring the newspaper when he was probably drunk and failing to light a proper fire with it the day prior) calls him back through that doorway, back into the living world. 

The wagon door is the threshold he needs to cross into death. He doesn’t want to cross it.  When the wagon burns, the final scene is shot from the perspective of a camera inside the burning wagon, framed by the portal (doorframe), watching Tommy on his horse in that green landscape.  Tommy looks back in through the portal for a long time before riding off to interact with the rest of the real living world again. The ceiling falls in to end the series/view, blocking that portal into death.

((I contemplated if the symbolism works better if inverted: the sheer beauty of the landscape when seen through that doorway looks like a fantasy-land, or an afterlife.  The wagon is the dark place which holds all his artefacts, photos, failures, things which were/are real.  Given his ghost-daughter is speaking to him from outside the wagon, calling him back outside, is the reading more that outside is the unreal place, the perfect afterlife with his daughter, where he wants to be delusional(ly happy) and not be dying, and the inside of the wagon is the cruel dark reality with all his artefacts/failures that he has to accept, including his own suicide?  And by walking back outside he’s rejecting his ongoing reality?  Three things that make me prefer my first reading:

It’s so beautiful outside because he’s woken up to the beauty of living/the world, and doesn’t want to die

His ghosts are absolutely real to him (and they tell him true things!), so their manifestations belong in the real world not the world of the dead

He’s not dying, that was the lie, so the dark ‘reality’ waiting for him inside the wagon isn’t a reality after all.))

—-

Fire and the burning of the wagon:

Tommy is instructed by his ghost-daughter-subconscious to light a fire.  Lighting a fire is in inherently an act of human survival; stay warm, stay alive, cook on it, share company around it, etc.  He lights the fire and in the process, discovers his impending death is a lie.  This fire permits his resurrection/return to life.

But then the wagon is burned down anyway, and the burning is a cultural signifier of death and passing on.  

I read the two instances of fire like this: who he was (all his artefacts left in the wagon and burned with it) is dead/destroyed, and he’s reborn almost clean. Big symbols that he carries forward from his past life, though; his gun (which he chose not to use), his clothes (including his cap - still a blinder?) and his horse (which is white not black; balance for the black horse at the start of the series).  

There is also this: he was only going to kill himself because of a lie, and the fire was lit in the wagon by (effectively) the man who told the lie.  The burning of the wagon is also a burning of the lie itself: Tommy can’t escape into the lie anymore that he needs to die to prevent further cruelty to himself and others.

The burning of the wagon is the death of what was and a cleaner rebirth; death of lies (including Tommy’s) and clearing of the way for something new and clean.  A phoenix style death/rebirth cycle, something that’s become ashy and corrupted and weak needs to be burned before the new and beautiful thing can be born.

—-

Burning of the wagon meaning the end of (his belief in) the curses he carries:

I have such a huge unpacking and insufficient language to explain, because this ties into the stereotypical, almost comedic-level distortions of ethnicity in all of PB in a way that also specifically links into class. The analysis is well beyond me to explain on anything but a viscerally emotional/personal and instinctual level. 

The short story is: on screen, Tommy and Pol use ethnic, cultural and religious (catholic) symbols and structures to frame their mental illnesses and traumas, and to manage their moral trauma/s of the choices and actions that have had to be made to 1) survive and 2) actually be so successful when coming from the extreme lower end, where their ethnicity even means a huge part of the culture/s around them would consider them subhuman. It’s both a contextual approach, and a highly personal approach, to almost amp up the ethnic signifiers to become a strength rather than weakness. But by S6 it’s become a hugely distorted set of frames for Tommy, frames which result in Tommy inflicting real harm on people, most notably Lizzie (emotionally) and then Evadne Barwell & co (actually murdered).

The burning of the wagon, his ethnic but also highly personal tradition which he respects greatly, when the wagon and its purpose originated with the doctor’s lies (disrespect), and the person who burned it also did so in great disrespect, rather than anything honourable?

And the way Tommy is almost about to act on this (he’s almost after the guy, gun out), then stops, and watches the burning instead? I get a sense of ‘hang on, does this really matter enough to do something about? It…doesn’t matter. These symbols don’t matter!’

I feel, but can’t really explain, that the way Tommy rides off in the middle of (‘leaves behind’) this traditionally meaningful and now corrupted burning ritual represents the ‘leaving behind’ of Tommy’s distorted/corrupted symbolic (ethnic and religious) thoughts and frames.

Hence: the release of all the curses/cursed thinking and ability for him to move on.

—

And what’s it mean for him?    I tried to unpack all the micro-expressions while he watches the wagon burn: such a ‘what the fuck?! Fuck!’ posture/expression initially; annoyance, disbelief, and gradually he seems to turn to almost pleasure or exhilaration (that expression he gets when he gets one up over someone??) - the burning seems to leave him with a sense of freedom.

[abominationvault]

Session 17 Sat 11 Nov 2023

Last week, we agreed to sort out a ‘river monster’ and bring its head to the morlocks, if they will go back down below where they came from. We had a jolly good go but the drake ran away before we could finish it. We did find a dungeon compass though, and some gold (6 each). Nadia gets a Hero Point for the recap.

We do a lot of healing before deciding what to do next. We have a little rest, and decide on a marching order. Sprocket re-summons Augustus, and Nadia makes some bombs. Joto opens a door - he’s learned how! It looks all sparkly and magical, and he loves it. Sprocket approaches for a look; Joto has to restrain himself from batting him into the room. Sprocket wants to do an arcana check on all the magical stuff on the floor; it was a teleportation circle. It is mostly dormant, and there are only low levels of residual magic remaining. “It’s asleep, fool!” He thinks it could be woken back up, with the right spell. It is an arcane or occult spell, so somebody trained in one of those might be able to perform the ritual, if we were to procure it.

Grabby Cat goes in first as she can fly, to make sure it’s safe; when she says it is, Joto bats Sprocket inside.

What to do? Hartvig and Luna recall knowledge about morlocks. Skabb does the same for mitflits, and Sprocket for drakes.

Luna knows morlocks were once human. They were driven underground and have devolved, lost all their culture, and are very sensitive to light. They worship things (artefacts and statues and the like) that they steal from other cultures. Hartvig knows they were from the Azient (sp?) empire, and group together in tunnels hiding from everything basically. (If all else fails, Hartvig can cast Light at them.)

Skabb knows mitflits are similar, but they are also famously cowardly. Make them more frightened of us than they are of their king, and we shouldn't have any problems with them.

Sprocket knows the drake could be miles or more away. There is easy, ready food here, which is why she’s nested here, but she’s gone to ground after the fight and might not come back for days.

Skabb wants to mock up a ‘drake head’ and cast Prestidigitation on it to make it more convincing to the morlocks. Hartvig is quite charismatic, so he can do the talking. He also has fire magic, so we can destroy it in front of them, saying we can’t bear to look at it. Or something. We dress ourselves up to look good and injured, so it looks like we’ve had a real good fight.

We return to the morlocks with Hartvig holding the ‘head’ above his head. Joto makes a Deception check to assist Hartvig, adding one to his Performance check. He rolls a 14, for a 15 total; they believe him!

Graulgust sees the object in the air, dripping with blood, and smiles.

“Did she suffer?”

“For longer than we were comfortable with. It was a little bit much, to be honest.”

We warn him about the drake’s sister, who might come for revenge. (Skabb is sweating and farting with the effort of maintaining the spell.)

Graulgust smiles, and asks Hartvig to put the head in the corner, and dubs us “lackeys of the ghost queen”. This allows us to ask the ghost queen a favour, he says. He asks us to follow him - but if we leave, Skabb can’t maintain her spell on the fake head. Hartvig sneakily casts Produce Flame and burns it, pretending that it has spontaneously burst into flame - he makes another Deception check with Joto’s help and scrapes a 15, just enough to convince Graulgust. We follow him to the south… preparing attacks as we go.

We go through a cave, past some slug-creatures that are emitting a horrible moaning sound. Skabb licks her chops. They are a by-product of a process called fleshwarping… These are failed experiments, mindless creatures that were probably human once. (Sprocket mentions, OOC, that he can’t really tell the difference between these things and the rest of his own party.)

Through the door at the end is an old office and more morlocks. They are digging around in the rubble. There are beetles and all sorts; Skabb is hopping from foot to foot. She grabs a handful of yummies as she goes by.

We continue to follow Graulgust. The morlocks in the next room are tinkering; Nadia takes a look over their shoulders. They are not especially skilled, but what they're doing is ingenious. They seem to be working on a project that will shoot bits of junk as projectiles, like a junk jet from Fallout. She thinks she could reverse-engineer one if she could get hold of one…

“Are you all here?” Graulgust asks. “Good news! As you are now lackeys of the ghost queen, you have another choice to make. 1: Surrender all your gear and become true slaves of the ghost queen. 2: You can begin a mighty crusade for me, against the cult of ghouls down below.”

Well, we love crusades. This is the cult that Skabb and Joto heard when they went down in the elevator, and we decided to leave alone for now.

Kill them all and we’ll talk about us moving back down below, Graulgust promises. Hey, hang on, you said we would talk after we killed the dragon! "Well… we are talking about it."

Uh huh, like that, is it.

(Sprocket puts up a paddle hand and announces he has no possessions.)

We are starting to think this little bastard might string us along with ‘crusades’ forever.

This ghost queen… Is it Velcro? Joto asks him. “Goddess of the Tower.” Aha, so it is. Alright, we’ll do the crusade. Graulgust gives us a map:

As we leave, Hartvig overhears the other morlocks congratulating Graulgust on his clever plan to get rid of us… Hmm. It is now obvious to Hartvig that we will have to kill everyone, so we should start with the easiest first. He thinks we should send the sneakiest of us down to have a squizz at the cult and see how hard they might be, and decide what order to kill everyone in after that. They are a cult of ghouls, the DM reminds us. So, undead.

Skabb: “Ah, fuck, I just took my spell off.”

So maybe we should just kill the morlocks then. We take our leave of Graulgust and sneak back around (Sprocket uses Follow the Leader to imitate Luna), and find one of the groups of morlocks that Graulgust led us past. The cats go first, to do some sneak attacks on the ones we find in the room to the south. Luna hits with her bow, and gets her sneak attack damage as well. Joto hits as well, but no sneak attack damage for him.

Initiative!

The morlocks go first. One throws his club at Luna. 19 hits, then he strides up and hits her with another club. 20 hits, and then the second morlock moves up into the same space as his friend…

Nadia has screwed her last silencer onto Bluebird in preparation. She barges past the morlocks into the room, and shoots the one that has sprouted an arrow, reasoning he’ll be closer to death if Luna hit him. She hits for three damage, and dodges behind the makeshift throne in the room.

Skabb gets up in Luna’s space and follows Nadia into the room. She hits the closest morlock with Electric Arc, forcing a Reflex save; which it makes.

Skabb, resigned: “Well, that’s me.”

They do take half damage though, so not all is lost.

Luna steps around the morlocks and stabs the one in front of her now that it is flat-footed. “Errrr… Stab!” 19 hits and she does max damage! She rolls her sneak attack damage as well - “Bazinga.” Another four. “Dead?” No. Wounded, but not dead. “Eurgh.”

She can stab once more - 19 again, and max damage again! How de do dis!

“I stick the rapier right through his gobbly little eyes and it comes right out the back of his head, so Skabb can eat it.” She gets a Hero Point for the best how de do dis the DM has ever heard.

Joto is up, and he will tumble through into the room, to the tune of Flash Gordon. Acrobatics 18, and the morlock is flat-footed and flanked. He hits it with his Retribution Axe of +1, that we gave him last week while he was ill. Pause while the DM looks up the stats. He won’t get the bonus damage this round, but he can swing it at the morlock’s head if he wishes. “Yes please.”

He misses, Hero Points it, and misses again. “Awh. Such a bad cat.”

Hartvig is up and he’s going to do a spell:

“Have some pain! In your body!”

It makes the save, but still takes half damage for 4 total.

Sprocket’s turn to shine. He was miles away, so he has to spend two of his actions toddling over to the fight. Has he a one-action spell that is any use? No. He wants to use his last action to recall knowledge about morlocks’ weaknesses instead. Other than the light thing. They have no particular weaknesses, but he knows that they are resistant to disease and poison, and their weakest save is Fortitude. So, the save they just made, where they rolled a 23. Okay. Cool. Awesome.

Nadia reloads and holds a shot, as she is out of silencers.

Skabb has noticed that there is another door. How big is the morlock? Medium. “Oh. Well that’s no good then.”

(Hartvig: “It’s a medi-yum yum yum yum yum.”)

Skabb will use a weapon, as all her good spells are AoE and we are surrounding the thing. She will sickle it! “I jam that in its face. It do anything?” 12 misses, so she swings again for 16 which hits. “Ouchie.” Her third attack misses, so she goes back to chewing on the eyeball.

Luna will rinse and repeat, and stab. “18?” That’s a hit, and she gets sneak attack for 12 total. How de do dis! She’s over it so it just falls over. We win, huzzah!

Luna took a bit of damage, so Skabb slaps some mud on her. It’ll take ten minutes, so we should probably leave the throne room just in case something else comes in.

Luna approaches the next door and does a Perception check - 24. It’s not trapped. She has a little sneaky peeky through. She can’t see anything, just the wall opposite. She enters the room and is asked to stop where she is by the DM…

Can she please… Does 18 hit her? Meets it beats it, so yeah. She takes 14 damage as a spike shoots out of the wall opposite and hits her. “Okay. I make a fuss.”

Well, she reasons, that means there’s obviously something cool in the next room. Skabb wants to send Grabby Cat to have a look, above tripwire height. She has a look for more wires, or pressure plates, or other traps.

There are more traps; the DM marks them for us. Luna steps carefully around the traps and gets her thieves’ tools in there; between her and Skabb, they disarm them. Skabb slaps some more mud on Luna while she works, restoring some of the hit points that she lost from the spike trap.

Another closed door. Luna opens it as we know what’s behind it - and find ourselves face to face with a morlock! She rolls a Stealth to see how quietly she was able to open the door - 18, phew.

We push Hartvig to the front so he can cast Light on the desk and blind them. He does that.

Initiative!

Luna goes first and doesn’t even need to try to sneak as the morlocks are blinded. 19 hits for 6 damage and 2 sneak attack. She moves back out of the way so the rest of us can get in there. Hartvig’s turn, and he barrels in - can he get them both with his cone? Yes, if he puts himself in the right place. “I cough up a cloud of grey soil!”

The first morlock fails the save and takes 5 negative damage; the other saves but takes half and some persistent damage.

The morlock moves, stumbling through into the room where we are, and then past Nadia, who takes issue with this. “Rude! Am I difficult terrain at least?” She is, but the morlock knows she’s there now so it takes a whack at her. It hits her for 7 damage.

The second morlock senses a Hartvig so it takes a hit at him. It has to roll a d20 first - it rolls a nat 20. Of course. It bites him. “Eurgh! I hate that.” Hartvig is resistant to physical damage, so he only takes 7 damage. It hits him again. “No! Wait until I’ve done the counting for the last one.” And again. “... You know, the rest of us have the decency to miss with our second and third attacks.”

Skabb wants to push the morlock in the room with us, into the spike trap. That will involve moving, so she can’t be bothered. She does this instead:

She chooses water so that any future water spells will do more damage. Then she does Hydraulic Push:

Which is water damage. She’s fucked it up real good! It rolls a Strength check, contested with Nadia who is in the way - it rolls a nat 1 for 5 total. Nadia rolls a 6! The morlock falls in the spike trap, yay! Skabb gets the how de do dis! It’s soaked, and its blood soaks into its fur and makes it all horrible and it crumples up and dies.

Joto has fallen asleep, so Skabb takes his turn for him. He moves twice and attacks the last morlock with his new great axe - 18 hits, but only does 3 damage. His second attack misses.

Nadia darts in and pistol-whips the morlock for 6 damage! “How am I doing more damage by pistol-whipping it than if I fired the thing.”

Sprocket has also fallen asleep; Luna pokes him awake so he can take his turn. He toddles in, but uses all his movement and has no actions left to hit it with.

If Luna crouches behind the table can she hide from it? She can, but she doesn’t need to because it’s flanked so she’ll get her sneak attack either way. 17 hits, for 5 plus 4 sneak attack, 16 also hits for 8 piercing, and 6 sneak attack - how de do dis!

Hartvig: "... We’re just a bunch of chuckleheads who trail behind Luna, aren’t we?"

Skabb sneaks up to the door where the slug things are, and quietly shuts it, and we call it there.

The DM tells us that we level up when we kill the morlocks, so we are inspired for next week!

[catharsistine]

To Write A Good Villain

TW: loss of control, hallucinogenics, dr*gs, sc*rs, venom, bl*od, death, defeat, s*x, god, volcanoes, pr*dtors, m*rder, j*alousy, smoking, ab*se, cheating, sl*very, oppression, servitude, vampires, destruction.

Technically, I'm here on Tumblr as a writer. So. It's time I contributed my itty bitty bit.

Many things make a good story. Some claim it is world-building, some think it the cast of protagonists, some the vivid descriptions. All of those elements, however, will seem lacklustre, if your story does not have a good villain. What use is an MC with glorious superpowers or magic, if there is nothing to oppose them? Can there be any victory without a great evil?

In real life? Perhaps. In any fictional world? No. The readers tune in for awesome conflict, so we writers must provide, and enjoy ourselves while doing so.

So what does make a great villain?

Before we explore that, let us review the types of villains. Most important to remember is that a villain need not be human. In literature, there can be many types of discord:

- Person Vs Self: Often used as a compelling subplot, this kind of conflict is valid when a person needs to do something that is opposed to their inner self, something they find morally, emotionally or intellectually repulsive. Eg; A scholar forced to indulge in activities that are unscientific, like smoking when they know it is bad for their health. A pacifist who is forced into a war situation and must commit murder to save their own or their family's lives. A person seeking enlightenment struggles with jealousy when their guru finds a new favourite. (IMPORTANT: Feeling conflicted due to one's morals is acceptable. Hating oneself due to a mental disorder is not. Please do not use mental illness as a plot point.)

- Person Vs Person: Often used as a primary plot point in standalone stories and movies, this kind of conflict is valid when a person bears a personal grudge or hatred toward another. Eg; A wrestler hating someone who defeated them in the ring through sabotage. A child-hating the murderer that orphaned them and their sibling. A person hating their lover who manipulated, gas-lit or cheated on them. (IMPORTANT: Ensure that abuse and abusers are not romanticized, that the healing journey of the character does not lead to them forgiving their abuser. Forgiveness is not a prerequisite for closure. Please do not encourage abuser-abused relationships.)

- Person Vs Society: Often used as a primary plot point in dystopian stories and movies, this kind of conflict is valid when a person aims to fight against a law or a government that systematically oppresses them. Eg; A womon fighting against the law which considers them as lower-class citizens. A PoC fighting against slave laws. A member of the working class rebelling against the bourgeoisie. (IMPORTANT: If you are not a minority, do not presume you are qualified to tell their story. Our stories belong to us alone, and taking away from us the privilege of sharing our trauma when we feel comfortable enough to do so is the worst kind of representation. Please remember if you occupy a position of power, you have no right to speak on our behalf. Already we are often silenced, do not participate in that further if you claim to be an ally.)

- Person Vs Machine: Often used as a primary plot point in science fiction stories and movies, this kind of conflict is valid when any man-made object gains enough intelligence to be considered sentient and becomes a threat to humanity. Eg; A machine that acts as a maid desiring to be free of the bonds of its servitude. An AI which does not have empathy and value for human life. A robot that attempts to destroy mankind. (IMPORTANT: These conflicts are often intricate, and can be spun anyway. Perhaps a human tries to teach a robot to love, and the result is embarrassing in a comedic way. But do not try to equate people on the asexual and aromantic spectrums, people with mental illness or people with severe trauma to these AI. They are extremely discriminated against. Please, do not contribute to the stigma.)

- Person Vs Nature: Often used as a compelling subplot, this kind of conflict is valid when a person is pitted against fauna and flora in a vulnerable state. Eg; A captive who has escaped their bonds only to come upon a harsh landscape. A person with severe allergies visits a place that is opposed to their disposition. A person with a grudge against a famous wild animal who bit off their leg. (IMPORTANT: In many such stories, a trend is that a character comes across a hostile tribal group. These tribes are portrayed only the negative attributes of certain PoC cultures. Doing so is blatantly racist and highly offensive. Please refrain from representing us in such appalling ways.)

- Person Vs Fate/Supernatural: Often used as a primary plot point in fantasy and YA stories and movies, this kind of conflict is valid when a person is threatened or working against a force that is outside nature. Eg; A person coming across a magical artefact belonging to a god, and the devil's henchmen are after it, but it has bonded to them. A lower-level employee working in a tampon factory accidentally discovering their boss is a deadly vampire. A person falling in love, only to discover their partner is heir to a clan of selkies, and their younger sibling plans on overthrowing them. (IMPORTANT: Oftentimes, the villains are given physical and cultural attributes exclusive to PoC and their culture, like the antagonist having dreadlocks or enjoying food that lies outside white cuisine. Please realise that is racist.)

How to create a proper villain:

1. Motive.

Arguably the most important factor in a villain is motive. Their end goal must be reasonable(depends on their moral compass), achievable(depends on their means), and must cause moral conflict in the protagonist.

Eg; Due to childhood trauma, a villain feels weak and unsafe in their own skin. Adopting a terrifying persona, they seek to control everyone around them, and by extension, the world, through a potent hallucinogen. Considered worthless until they design a new identity, the villain is only considered a threat when they overthrow a monarchy/gain obscene amounts of money/create a giant machine. The MC knows that the villain is wrong in their actions, but understands that their henchmen are drugged, and must choose a different course of action than brute force to defeat them.

2. Power/Skill

Expanding on the earlier point of a goal being achievable, a villain must have the capabilities to obtain the prize they desire. If they perform actions outside their means, the entire premise becomes boring and unrealistic. Unless the villain is playing pretend for a future plot twist, humble the antagonist before they get out of hand.

Eg; A machine cannot destroy the world if they do not have an intricate base code if they are not linked to machines around the world. An animal cannot be famous unless its existence is questionable unless it is more mythical than real unless it possesses some quality (a missing tooth, a scar across their eye) that the others of its breed do not have. Kindness cannot be a source of a moral dilemma if it is not shown in many actions of the protagonist.

3. Appearance.

Contrary to popular belief, the way a villain looks contributes greatly to their story. If the appearance of an antagonist does not match their other attributes, the villain may fall flat and feel one-dimensional.

Eg; If a person comes from humbler beginnings, them wearing designer clothes is not feasible. A wealthier person should at least maintain the appearance of being well-groomed, but a few things out of place, such as a tie clip, messy eyeliner, or stubble are acceptable, perhaps due to lack of respect for themselves, or mania from unfulfilled desires. If a plant is secretly venomous, let insects keep away from it. If a werewolf is known to violently transition, let them have a feral look in their eye, larger canines and stronger jawbones.

4. Presence

Outside of appearance, the overall vibe of the villain is of the utmost importance. Their aesthetic instils fear, inspires awe, which is one of the primary things that cause audiences to secretly root for them. Their smooth delivery of scathing, savage lines makes us fall in love with them. Having a stellar, scary presence amplifies whatever the villain does tenfold.

Eg; If a villain wears a daring dress, different from the style of their era, it will make them seem much more impressive. Fresh after a murder, if they have blood splattered on their face, it will make the ghastliness of their actions more resounding. If they're haunting little children, having grotesque features instead of sharp ones will terrify the kids more, and the readers.

5. Backstory

Why did the villain become a villain in the first place? This is perhaps the most important question when it comes to antagonists. Not only do backstories help us understand the villain's motives and reasons better, but readers may also root for them if they glimpse a part of them reflected in the villain, making the tale more painful to read.

Eg; If a bully has been abused at home, it explains their actions. If a villain was in a situation where their body was not theirs, their actions may be born out of a desire for control.

Things to avoid:

1. Do not make them a caricature. Avoid toxic and dull stereotypes such as "catty ex-girlfriend", "sex-crazed womon", "evil old pr*dator" etc. Not only are these caricatures cartoonish and overused, but they also make a villain hollow and lifeless. Villains are humans too, give them quirks, bad habits and things they enjoy, beliefs of their own. (Eg; They enjoy watching cat videos, smoke or bite their nails, enjoy mixing drinks for fun, and think God is a hoax.)

2. Avoid coding them as PoC or LGBTQ+. If you have a diverse cast of various races, ethnicities, sexualities and genders, then it is completely alright to write another such character as the villain. However, if your only minority character is the villain, that is highly problematic.

3. A backstory does not equate to sympathy. If the villain's actions are extremely reprehensible, including and not limited to; r*pe, g*nocide, ab*se or s*rial murder, please do not try to redeem them. Understanding someone's motives is wildly different from making the audiences sympathize with them. Do not romanticize their flaws.

4. Lastly, humble them. A villain will always entertain the audiences if they suffer a bit too. Instead of constant angst and pain, add lighter moments, moments where they stumble, trip, are tired or bored. This would make their eventual death/defeat burn even more, and the audience will definitely mourn the loss of a wonderful antagonist.

Like a volcano, a true villain leaves ashes in their wake, but their fire forces the protagonists to solidify into stone. Let their actions echo into the age.

[kalligfamilysoapopera]

COMPANION MEME

Stole this from @shanfamilydrama​ because I thought it sounded fun. If you haven’t done it yet and want to, consider yourself tagged!

Cyra Kallig

Selection Line:

“Now, we crush our foes.”

“I knew you wouldn’t forget me.”

“What new mayhem awaits us?”

"I do not serve you, but I will accompany you nonetheless.”

"Let’s have a bit of fun, shall we?”

Class: Assassin

Weapons: Dualsaber (purple crystal)

Battle Lines:

"Time to die!”

"Feel my power and tremble!”

"Are you afraid yet?”

[Maniacal Laughter]

Exiting Battle:

"Aw, over already?”

"Well then, that’s done I suppose.”

“There was no chance of our failure.”

"Perhaps there will be a real challenge next time.”

KO’d/Low Health:

"I won’t die here!”

"Help me, you fool!”

"It’s nothing... just a scratch...”

Resurrected:

"Thank you... I suppose.”

"I could have handled that myself.”

"That was close... uncomfortably so.”

Misc. Click Lines:

"What are you looking at?”

"If I had anything to say to you, I would say it.”

"Don’t we have more pressing matters to attend to?”

"I know dark secrets that you could only dream of.”

"In time, perhaps we can talk more.”

"Is there not a galaxy to conquer?”

"Hm? Oh, I was lost in thought.”

(Nar Shaddaa Only) “All these glittering lights hide such a vile underbelly... how repulsive. But useful in the right moments.”

Healing lines:

"Let the darkness embrace you.”

"Get up, you’re stronger than this.”

Crew skills lines:

Sent on Mission: “I suppose I can lower myself to this.”

Mission Success: “Did you ever doubt me?”

Mission Failure: “The task was beneath me anyway.”

Gifts: Likes, Favourites, Loves

Courting

Cultural Artifact

Imperial Memorabilia

Luxury

Military Gear

Republic Memorabilia

Technology

Trophy

Underworld Good

Weapon

Maintenance

Delicacies

Full recruitment quest below the cut because I had to be extra like that.

Recruitment Quest:

ALLIANCE ALERT: Enshrouded in Madness Contact: Sana-Rae

Description: Commander, 

I have had a vision of you, travelling to the planet Belsavis. There, a new darkness is festering, one that may grow to rival the other ancient things that dwell there. In my vision, you enter this darkness, and vanish. When you return, the darkness has lifted, and the alliance has been strengthened.

My vision tells me that you should begin your search in the Tomb. More than that, I cannot say.

Quest Objectives and Conversation Tree: 

OBJECTIVE: Search for the source of the darkness on Belsavis

(Upon arriving on Belsavis, travel to the Tomb and enter an instanced area in the Cells of the Lords of the Infinite. Fight your way through a few Primordial Beasts to reach a sealed doorway and Cyra Kallig standing in front of it, lightsaber drawn)

OBJECTIVE: Speak to Cyra Kallig

Cyra Kallig: Why have you come here? Fool, you shall fall as all those before you have fallen! Cyra Kallig: Wait... there is something... different about you. You are not here to stop me, are you?

[Option 1 “I’m here to stop the Darkness”] 

Commander: I am here to put an end to the darkness. Whether that means to stop you, well, that depends. Cyra Kallig: Ah, I see... one of those, then... well, I’m terribly sorry to disappoint, but I am not the source.

[Option 2 “You’re a Sith?”]

Commander (Force-Sensitive): I can sense the darkness within you, Sith. Commander (Non Force-Sensitive): I would know robes and a lightsaber like that anywhere. You’re Sith, aren’t you? Cyra Kallig: Congratulations! What, do you expect some sort of prize? Cyra Kallig: Of course I’m Sith. But I am not the source of the darkness that you seek.

[Option 3 “I just want to talk”]

Commander: Of course not, I just wanted to have a talk. Cyra Kallig: As if I would believe that. You wouldn’t come out all this way just to talk to a Sith you’ve never met before, would you? Cyra Kallig: You’re investigating the darkkness here, aren’t you? Well, sorry to disappoint, but it isn’t me.

Cyra Kallig: I’m here for the same reason as you-- seeking after the source of this darkness. Cyra Kallig: If I know anything about the Dark Side-- and I know quite a lot-- then I would say that this feeling is almost certainly comign from an artefact. A powerful one.  Cyra Kallig: Why it’s only just now created a disturbance, I cannot say. Perhaps the turmoil and conflict in the galaxy is resonating with it and has woken it from its slumber.  Cyra Kallig: Regardless, I wish to access this artefact. And if you do as well, I don’t see why we can’t cooperate. Cyra Kallig: I’ve studied this vault and meditated on this matter, and I believe that the artefact is within this sealed chamber. It seems that the only way to open it is with a key of sorts.  Cyra Kallig: Within this vault, there are various other fragments-- alone insignificant, but when placed within the sealed door, I believe that they will resonate with the artefact inside and cause it to open.  Cyra Kallig: If you find these fragments and bring them to me, then we can reach the artefact inside.

[Option 1 “Why should I trust you?”]

Commander: And why exactly should I trust what you say? How do I know you won’t turn on me? Cyra Kallig: Oh, I very well might. But you want to unearth this artefact, as do I, so it’s best we just cooperate. We can figure out the fine details later.

[Option 2 “I’ll find these fragments.”]

Commander: I will return once I’ve found your artefact fragments. Cyra Kallig: Good, and I hope you do hurry.

[Option 3 “Why can’t you do it?”]

Commander: Why am I the one who has to do the grunt work? Why can’t you find these fragments yourself? Cyra Kallig: I could find them myself, of course-- but if I were to do that, there’s no chance that I’ll let you share in my discoveries, and you wouldn’t want to be left out, would you?

Cyra Kallig: The artefact fragments will probably be scattered throughout this vault. I doubt that they’ve been taken, but if you can’t find all of them, perhaps killing a few of the vault’s denizens might help with your focus.

OBJECTIVE: Locate Artefact Fragments (4) Bonus: Defeat Vault Guardian Beasts and Droids (15)

(The artefact fragments will be in clickable places around the vault, they’re set within carvings. A number of Guardian Beasts and Droids can also be found, and they’ll drop credits and junk loot. Once you’ve found all four fragments, the objective will update)

OBJECTIVE: Return to Cyra Kallig

Cyra Kallig: You’ve found them! Oh, how wonderful, now, hand them over to me and I’ll unseal this vault.

Commander: [Gives artefacts]

[Cyra Kallig places the artefacts in the door. It begins to glow, and opens up. Within the vault is a Rakata Mind Prison, suspended in the middle of the chamber.]

Cyra Kallig: I’ve seen these before... they can trap a person’s consciousness inside of them... but this one, it’s strange. Not like the others.  Cyra Kallig: It feels... empty. Like an endless void, but one that spreads out, consuming all...

[Cyra Kallig approaches the Mind Prison]

Cyra Kallig: Whoever, or whatever, was trapped here... is no longer the same as they once were... now, simply a fountain of dark power... Cyra Kallig: [maniacal laughter] Cyra Kallig: Such power that it will drive mad anyone that comes near it, should they not have the strength to resist! This is amazing!

[Cyra Kallig turns to face the Commander]

Cyra Kallig: You... you’ve come here for this artefact as well... I will not allow you to have it!

[She draws her weapon]

OBJECTIVE: Defeat Cyra Kallig

(Cyra Kallig is an elite enemy and uses a variety of melee and Force attacks typical of the Sith Assassin, with both a stun and knockback ability. At 75, 50, and 25% HP, she will stealth out and summon a pair of Illusions, both Strong difficulty, who you must defeat before she will re-appear.)

OBJECTIVE: Speak to Cyra Kallig

Cyra Kallig: I cannot believe it-- you’ve beaten me! I was right, there truly is something special about you... The artefact is yours, I suppose... even I can admit when I’ve lost.

[Option 1 (LS) [Destroy the Artefact]]

Commander: I won’t keep it. It must be destroyed. (The commander strikes the artefact, destroying it)

[Option 2 [Seal the Artefact away]]

Commander: No, it’s dangerous. I’ll leave it here in this vault, and destroy the key fragments. (The commander backs away from the artefact)

[Option 3 (DS) [Take the Artefact]]

Commander: Yes, it is mine... It’ll look nice in my collection, don’t you think? (The commander takes the artefact)

Cyra Kallig: You’re far more powerful than I could have imagined... You can resist its pull. But then... I suppose I’ve always been a little mad myself anyway. Cyra Kallig: [chuckles ruefully] I suppose you’ll just leave me to my fate then... now that you’ve beaten me down, broken me, mortally wounded me...  Cyra Kallig: Typical. Just when I think I’ve finally attained power, everything is lost...

[Option 1 (LS) “Let me heal your wounds.”]

Commander: No, everything isn’t lost. Let me help you. (Heals her wounds) Cyra Kallig: What... you... but why would you do this? Now you’ve made me indebted to  you!

[Option 2 (DS) [Say Nothing]]

Cyra Kallig: I suppose all of this seeking after power was bound to catch up with me... Eventually, I would have to find a foe that I couldn’t beat... [dies] [[ QUEST END: Cyra Kallig is killed and cannot be recruited ]]

[Option 3 (DS+) “You were always weak.”[Kill her]]

Commander: Killing you wasn’t even a challenge.  (The commander deals a killing blow to Cyra Kallig. Cyra crumbles to the ground and dies.) [[ QUEST END: Cyra Kallig is killed and cannot be recruited ]]

(If Option 1 is chosen, conversation continues as follows)

Cyra Kallig: I suppose I should give some grand speech about how I owe you my life now, and will follow you to the ends of the galaxy or something along those lines... that’s what you’re used to, isn’t it? (She gets up) Cyra Kallig: But I’d say that, since it was you who wounded me in the first place, and you who then healed me, that it cancels it out-- so truly, I don’t owe you anything at all! Cyra Kallig: Still, though... if you came here seeking this artefact, there’s a good chance you’ll find other sources of power in the future, so I suppose it couldn’t hurt to aid you. Perhaps someday I’ll be able to take them as my own. Cyra Kallig: Or-- who knows, perhaps if I fight beside you long enough, I’ll discover how to defeat you! [Laughter, but more genuine than before] Cyra Kallig: At any rate, I am more than willing to work with you on your future endeavours. If you ever wish for my assistance, I’ll be leaving for Yavin Four shortly, so you may find me there.

[Option 1: “You should join the Alliance”]

Commander: I am the commander of an Alliance fighting the Eternal Empire. Your power and skills could be useful. If you’re interested, come to Odessen. Cyra Kallig: An alliance... fighting the Eternal Empire... how fascinating. Quite the monumental task, isn’t it? Well then, perhaps I could be persuaded to help, provided I have sufficient opportunity for mayhem. Cyra Kallig: No-- I’m certain that with my help, your alliance will wade to victory through the blood of your enemies! I shall join you.  Cyra Kallig: Farewell, Commander. I will gather my things and join you and your Alliance on Odessen. [[ QUEST END: Cyra Kallig is recruited into the Alliance. She can be found in the Force Enclave and is now available as a follower. ]]

[Option 2: “I’ll keep that in mind”]

Commander: Thank you for your offer. I have no need of you right now, but I will certainly remember this. Cyra Kallig: Yes, yes, of course-- but be aware. Should you take too long to show up, my mind might have changed. [[ QUEST END: Cyra Kallig is not recruited into the Alliance, but should you wish to recruit her at a later time, she can be found in the Temple Ruins on Yavin 4 and can be recruited there. ]]

[Option 3: “I would never seek your help.”]

Commander: I do not wish to have someone like you within my alliance-- go where you wish, I don’t want to speak with you again. Cyra Kallig: Suit yourself. Just remember that, should we meet again, I will not be inclined to show you mercy. [[ QUEST END: Cyra Kallig is not recruited into the Alliance and cannot be recruited at a later date. She can be found in the Temple Ruins on Yavin 4 in a small instanced area as a hostile champion-level solo boss. The area also contains a lockbox with credits and a “Cultural Artefact” type companion gift. Once Cyra is defeated once, she will not respawn, and the instance will be closed to you. ]]

If you chose to delay Cyra’s recruitment (Option 2), and visit her later on Yavin 4, you will receive the quest “Continued Madness” in your mission log, which directs you to her location. Should you abandon the quest, you will receive it again upon entering the instanced area on Yavin 4.

CONTINUED MADNESS

OBJECTIVE: Speak to Cyra Kallig on Yavin 4

Cyra Kallig: Ah, Commander, it’s you again.  Have you reconsidered my offer? [Option 1: “Yes, Join the Alliance.” ]

Commander: Yes. I would like you to join the Alliance. Cyra Kallig: I thought you would never ask! Fortunately, I’m still interested. I will see you on Odessen. [[ QUEST END: Cyra Kallig is recruited into the Alliance. She can be found in the Force Enclave and is now available as a follower. ]]

[Option 2: “No, not yet.” ]

Commander: No, I haven’t decided yet. Cyra Kallig: That’s no fun. Come back when you’ve become capable of making a decision, and we’ll see if I still want to join your little cause.

[Option 3: "I’ve changed my mind.” [Attack]]

Commander: I’ve decided that you’re too dangerous to be left alive. Cyra Kallig: Oh, well then-- let’s at least make it good!

If option 2 is chosen, the “Continued Madness” quest remains in your log, with the objective “Speak to Cyra Kallig on Yavin 4″ until she is recruited or killed. 

If option 3 is chosen, you will fight Cyra to the death, this time as a champion boss with more difficult mechanics than before. 

In any ending where Cyra is killed, she will drop a unique set of armour called “Cyra Kallig’s Armour Set” which is bound to legacy and can only be obtained through killing her. She will also drop “Cyra Kallig’s Maddening Lightsaber,” a unique weapon with a special purple-indigo crystal “Cyra Kallig’s Lightsaber Crystal” and a dark-side haze tuning “Cyra Kallig’s Lightsaber tuning”. Cyra will only need to be killed one time to unlock the armour, the weapon, the tuning, and the crystal in collections.

[thessalian]

Thess vs It Chapter 2

I’m not generally one to stop watching a movie partway through. Generally I’ll stick it out. Up until recently, the only movie I just gave up on halfway through was The Wolf of Wall Street, and that’s because I thought everyone in it was horrible and there was nothing redeeming about any of it. Maybe it got better after; I didn���t stick around long enough to find out.

I can now add a second movie to that list: It Chapter Two.

I couldn’t sleep last night (common for me lately, unfortunately) and I thought a bit of horror movie would be a good thing. And since that particular film was free on Amazon Prime and I have my Fire stick now, I thought I’d curl up on the sofa and let horror movie be my lullabye. (Look, this works for me a surprising amount of the time; y’all knew I was weird when you started following my Tumblr so don’t pretend to be surprised now.) The supernatural horror wasn’t the problem. It was the human ugliness that got to me.

I first started having significant problems with how they brought in the Ritual of Chud. I know they didn’t want to go through the whole “smoke hole ceremony” thing from the book, even if I don’t get why, but “I went to the local First Nation reservation, got them to put me through a vision-quest and then stole their artefact because I need it more” is not a good look. I mean, from the point of view of historical context, it’s ugly as fuck (and ‘microdosing’ Bill was gross as well as being proprietory of a culture not their own; understandable as kids copying a story from an old book but not so much as adults who should fucking know better), but it also makes no narrative sense. If the First Nation tribe that so conveniently live outside of town did this ritual that’s supposed to destroy It .. why was It still there?!? There’s got to be a better way of flagging up that It is subject to the weakness of the form it takes. (This is why I miss the bit with the werewolf at the house on Neibolt Street ... and honestly, all of their confrontations with It as children. They figured out through experience that most of the things they fear were made up by someone, and those weakness equally made up, and it was their belief that those things would work that let them beat It back.)

But as bad as all that was, what made me switch the whole thing off in disgust was the justification they felt they needed to use to fight It as adults. Because apparently “It kills children and It needs to be stopped” isn’t enough. Because we don’t believe in heroes anymore.

No, instead of “Your confrontations with It left you in a state of quasi-childhood where your childhood dreams of an adult life came true but you couldn’t have kids because kids mean you have to be an adult to take care of them”, we got, “Your confrontations with It are a malignant disease that’ll cause you all to horribly commit suicide within the next decade or so if you don’t stop the disease at the source by killing It”. It had to be selfish, apparently. It couldn’t be about revenge for a brother whose life was cut horrifically short, or a promise, or the blessing of something benevolent (the Turtle at first, if memory serves, but then something else - the inclusion of which might be the seed within King that got his daughter becoming a minister, I dunno). No, it had to be “You’ll die if you don’t”.

This is just so gross. I’m sorry, but it is. I get people want to be realistic, but the message “there are no more heroes and everyone’s out for themselves” is gross. Yeah, you look at the world and there are a lot of people like that, but if I’d confronted something that killed kids as a child and then was called back to do so as an adult because the killing had started again, you can damn well bet I’d do it. I mean, I wouldn’t be up to much physically at this point, but I’d damn well try. Heroes exist in real life. They don’t get enough press. In fact, they’re usually bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders with people piling on more without even thinking about what they do. We need stories to remind us that heroes exist; that people will do good things simply because they are the right thing to do.

I never wondered why the Losers went after It when they could have just stayed in their well-ordered lives. Certainly not in the cases where those lives were somewhat imperfect (Beverly and Eddie specifically), and not even in cases where everyone was perfectly happy as they were.

(Oh, also, why did they have to manufacture marital discord between Bill and Audra? And that whole bit about “Everyone hates your endings; they’re too realistic and people want closure” feels like the writer looking at the camera like they’re on The Office and daring us to complain about his ending. It’s immersion-breaking and gross.)

Anyway, I never wondered why they made that decision, despite the risks and the danger. They did it because they knew the stakes from childhood. They did it because of Bill’s brother, and all the other kids. They did it because it was the right thing to do. They did it because people care. But apparently, the writer here didn’t think so, and so we get self-serving nonsensical garbage instead.

I looked up the writer on Wikipedia - Gary Dauberman. I had to wait a bit to do that because I probably could have gone to the X-Ray view or even asked Alexa but I don’t think Alexa would have had a response to “Alexa, who wrote this trash fire?” and that was about all I had at that point.

So no, I don’t know how it ends. I’m a little disappointed about having to miss Bill Skarsgard being extraordinarily creepy. But honestly, I didn’t want to see a bunch of selfish motherfuckers kill something to save their own skins anyway. Also, I took issue with adult Richie. Harry Anderson made the best adult Richie; he was an occasionally crass but overall well-meaning goofball with a gift for impressions and voices. Bill Hader’s Richie, on the other hand, came across as one of those ‘edgy’ comedians who make their names doing crass jokes and then bitching about cancel culture.

So ... no. As disappointed as I am, I’m not going back to that. The whole thing’s just ... gross for me now. I’m probably missing some good shit but it’s built on a problematic garbage fire and I don’t want it.

[agentnico]

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) Review

Why specifically 1984? Why not 83 or 85? What is so significant about 1984? 83 had Ronald Reagan propose development of tech that would intercept enemy missiles, and the project was called “Star Wars”. In 85 there was an earthquake in Mexico that killed 9,000 and Coca Cola made a new Coke! Impressive stuff! What happened in 1984? *another quick Google check* Aids break out. Oh. Oh no.

Plot: Diana Prince lives quietly among mortals in the vibrant, sleek 1980s - an era of excess driven by the pursuit of having it all. Though she's come into her full powers, she maintains a low profile by curating ancient artefacts, and only performing heroic acts incognito. But soon, Diana will have to muster all of her strength, wisdom and courage as she finds herself squaring off against Maxwell Lord and the Cheetah, a villainess who possesses superhuman strength and agility.

After many delays due to COVID once again doing a COVID and messing things up, Warner Bros. finally released Wonder Woman 1984, due to concerns of audiences losing interest in the project. I remember enjoying the first Wonder Woman years ago, and though it didn’t reinvent the superhero genre, as an origin story is was watchable and there were a couple cool action set pieces, such as the notable trench sequence where Diana fights through No Man’s Land and literally all that’s missing is her screeching “GIRL POWER!” everytime she deflected a gun bullet! Anyway, nothing ground-breaking but a decent piece of entertainment. Now we have sequel set in the 80s that plans to go bigger, bolder, grander.....well, you know, the usual sequel stuff. And they have the Mandalorian himself along for the ride, because even Warner Bros. knows that this is the way.

Having watched the film I must say, it is disappointing. Though in reality is it really disappointing? Personally I had hardly any expectations anyway, so it’s not as if my hopes and dreams have been crunched and shattered and thrown into a pit of despair! Wow, that came off as if I am super in denial, which I am not, I promise, okay?? In all seriousness though, the movie is a mess. With a runtime of two and a half hours, the film is filled with pacing issues so much so that I can say I was bored 50% of the time. A lot of it doesn’t make sense, the editing is atrocious and also this baby is filled to the brim with plot holes! So. Many. Plot Holes. For example, right from the start, one of the opening scenes involves Wonder Woman stopping a robbery at a mall. The robbery in itself is botched up. "I'm not going back!" screams one of the criminals, so hey, I'm going to hold this kid over the railing and almost drop her so that I can go to jail for murder. Genius writing there. Anyway, so Diana swoops in, saves the kid obviously, then proceeds to destroy the cameras in the mall as if that will also magically erase the footage that has already been recorded as well as all the witnesses that have seen her show off her bongo-bongo power mojo. So she’s trying to hide her identity and existence a secret, and apparently has been doing so for years, yet all her heroic moments happen in the middle of the public’s eye, so there is no way that she could have stayed confidential all this time. Then again, Superman can put on a pair of cheap glasses and all of a sudden he’s this random fella named Clark Kent, so what do I know? My guess is that the human population in the DC world are stupid and aren’t capable of adding 2 plus 2! Right, onto the next plot hole. So throughout most of the film, it feels like the movie is set in autumn or something along those lines. One of the characters gives food to a homeless person and tells them to stay warm, and also many people passing by are wearing coats and furs. Suddenly at one point there is a firework display and Diana winks to the camera and says “oh look, it’s the Fourth of July!” I’m sorry, last time I checked that date is set in the summer. Why would I know this? Well maybe cause it happens to also be my birthday! Next! So Diana can fly in this movie. How? Or why? I don’t know! Because “GIRL POWER!” I guess? I don’t know, this new superpower comes out of nowhere, yet its not referred to at all in Justice League, which is set many years later. So yeah, sounds like director Patty Jenkins couldn’t give a single flying dollop of poop about continuity. Speaking of random decisions, Wonder Woman’s new golden armor serves absolutely no purpose at the end of the film. She decides to randomly use it one point for no particular reason, and in fact it slowed her down more than anything, after which it was all forgotten about. Look, I can go on forever, this movie is filled with disorganised and erratic plot decisions and it makes zero to no sense!

Visually this film is disappointing too. Taking into account that this is a big budget film from one of the biggest film studios, the special effects in this film are atrocious. The green screen is so obvious and the CGI sets are clearly fake. Diana spends a lot of the film doing jumps and then floating in a very peculiar way in the sky, and it looks laughably bad. Even the 80′s setting doesn’t feel quite right. Yes, the costumes are somewhat okay, but the atmosphere is off and it seems the director’s opinion of the 80s is that everyone needs to act like a caricature.

Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman is okay. Look, Gadot seems like a very lovely and earnest person in real life, and her face is indeed very likeable, but I still haven’t seen her give a good performance. It’s the typical pretty Hollywood face, and you can tell she’s trying her hardest, but I can never properly buy her as this female superhero pop culture icon. Chris Pine returns even though he died in the first one. Look, the way he’s brought back is a bit strange, however I did actually like seeing Pine in the movie, as he was one of the best parts of the first film, and he brings that same charm and charisma in this one, now with the added factor of being the fish out of water. And to be honest, his presence actually does provide the movie with some needed emotional heft, as it explores the ideas of having to get over someone you’ve lost and learning to accept it and move on. In terms of villains, there are two in this movie. Kristin Wiig as Cheetah feels very shoehorned in and is mainly there to have Diana fight someone at the end of the film. Kristen Wiig does her part, however the character is written really badly, and her development into becoming a villain comes off as rushed and cheap. On the other hand Pedro Pascal as Maxwell Lord is actually not bad. He’s not the typical superpowered baddie, he’s actually a normal human being, and even though, again, there are some inconsistencies with his character, Pascal brings enough swagger and panache to the role. And I’m sure he actually enjoyed playing a role where you can actually see his face.

As a whole, Wonder Woman 1984 is a mess. There are some good moments, but generally this is a very disjointed movie that doesn’t make sense and is extremely chaotic. Also, the entire thing is really boring. I’d say if you want more of an organised and wholesome movie, check out Disney Pixar’s new animation Soul! Or The Mandalorian with Pedro Pascal, as indeed... this is the way.

Overall score: 3/10

[moonice20408]

The Curious Disappearance of C. Cullen

Word Count: 3818

Read on Ao3 Read on FF.net

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we’re investigating the disappearance of C. Cullen, as part of our new investigation!”

“New investigation?”

“Are vampires real?”

Shane groaned. “Oh no. No no no. Absolutely not. Nope.”

Ryan let out a laugh. “What, you don’t believe in vampires?”

“No Ryan, I do not.” Shane shook his head. “And you know what, I think I might believe in them even less than ghosts!”

“Oh wow.” Ryan laughed again. “Why are vampires so much more unbelievable than ghosts?”

“Because Ryan. They’re stupid! That’s why!” He slammed his hand onto the desk with some force. “If vampires were real, we’d know about it.”

“Well what if it’s like in the movies and they’re all just living in secret?”

“Oh, c’mon. There are cameras everywhere nowadays. You don’t think we’d have caught some guy just munching on another guys neck till he drops dead at some point? Then turn into a bat and fly away.”

“Well you’d just say it was fake if we did.”

Shane paused for a second then shrugged. “Yeah, that’s probably true.”

Ryan shook his head, then faced the camera. “So, this episode of Supernatural is a going to be a little different.”

“How so Ryan?”

“Well… we’re not going anywhere. There’s no location footage this week guys.”

“Yeah, this week we just thought, ‘you know what, not feeling it.’” Shane relaxed back in his chair. “We’re gonna sit back and take it easy.”

Ryan ignored him. “The reason being, well two reasons actually. One being that, at least I figure, if they were real, vampires aren’t, err… trapped, shall we say, to one place. Therefore, if they were real, they’d still be free to leave a place. So, we’d get there-”

“And we’d be talking to no one.” Shane interrupted.

“Exactly.”

“Imagine that.” Shane continued. “Going to a supernatural hotspot, just talking to the air…”

“Would you-”

“Wouldn’t want that! Would we?” He threw his hands up in the air. Ryan just stared forward, looking into the camera with an unimpressed look. “Wouldn’t we just look dumb! Just yelling into an empty room, expecting a response.”

“Erm, excuse me, we’ve gotten plenty of responses!” Ryan defended.

“Pffft.” Shane waved his hand.

“You know what, I’m just going to continue.” Ryan said matter-of-factly.

“Please.”

“The other reason we’re staying here, is that this case is from England. And we just couldn’t find time that worked for us, as well as crew members to do a quick trip to another country.” Shane nodded with Ryan. “I did look around the location, y’know on Google, and err, it’s just a bunch of offices now, so…”

“Not as exciting as our last trip there.” Both of them shook their heads.

“Now,” Ryan straightened out the file in front of him, before looking to the camera. “I am going to admit, right off the bat…” He quickly peered to Shane. “See what I did there?”

Shane nodded.

“Vampire… Bat…”

“No, I got it Ryan. That was a good one.”

“Thank you.” Ryan smiled while Shane rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I have to admit, I, err… I’m already prepared for some… criticism, shall we say.”

“What, because vampires aren’t real?” Shane said sarcastically.

“No. Well, I guess that’s part of the debate isn’t it?”

Shane sighed and shook his head, looking straight to the camera.

Ryan continued. “What I mean is, that this is case we’re investigating, is one of the oldest cases we will have covered so far on the show.”

“Oh really? Interesting.” Shane said, genuinely intrigued. “What’s the oldest so far? Witch trials right, gotta be.”

“Err, well that’s the oldest full episode, I think. But there’s some of the ancient alien stuff we looked at-”

“Oh right, yeah.”

“But the Salem witch trials were 1690s. But the case today dates back, roughly, to the 1640s.”

“Wow. That’s pretty old Ryan.”

“Yeah, which is part of the problem. Because it’s as old as it is, the erm, documentation of it is… It’s not great.”

Shane let out a small laugh. “So, what you’re saying is, you’ve got shit.”

“No! No… It’s just we, meaning our tremendous research team, we’re usually able to get multiple accounts on stuff, and can cross reference information, you know, so we can put together a more valid case.”

“So, you’re telling me, that before the videos even started, this case has no credibility and is crumbling through your fingers as we speak?”

Ryan sighed. “Look, I feel that what we have is defiantly something. I just want to make it clear; it’s just not as backed up as our usual content. You know we try to keep it as honest as we can here. So, I figured, I’d be upfront about this, before people start yelling at me through the comments. Obviously, I’m not going to put together an episode if there’s absolutely nothing, cause that’s… that’s just telling a made-up story off the internet isn’t it?”

“Hmm,” Shane nodded. “Okay. Alright. I will reserve my judgement for the end.”

Ryan laughed. “I doubt that, but anyway, let’s get into it.

- - -

“Legends of vampires can be dated back millennia, and stories told of them are found globally. Many ancient cultures had tales centred around the nocturnal undead, reanimated corpses spreading disease to the living, or blood drinking spirits all that hold similar characteristics to the modern idea of what a vampire is.

The idea of blood drinking became very ingrained into the lore of vampires. It was once believed that the blood of a living person, contained that person’s life force, and to drink it would allow another creature to absorb that life force. Some even thought that by drinking a person’s blood, that the drinker would also gain the characteristics of that person, allowing the vampire to better disguise themselves amongst the rest of society.

The word ‘vampire’ itself only came into use in the mid-18th century, from fast spreading tales told in Transylvania, and was later further popularised due to Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula, which was published in 1897. It’s Stoker who is credited for defining the modern vampire, after combining multiple myths together for his book.

In most folklores, vampires were believed to be the revenants of evil beings, or an unrested deceased person who had committed unforgivable sins in their life, but it became a common belief that a living person themselves could become a vampire by being bitten. The belief in some parts of the world became to extensive that it led to mass hysteria, which resulted in many people being sentenced to death, usually by burning.”

- - -

“What’s interesting to me,” Shane started.

“Yeah?”

“Is just how wholeheartedly people, back in the day, believed in this stuff!”

“Yeah. I did come across something, and can I just say, the historical research in this case was very interesting… Like, go look up vampire history guys.” Ryan pointed at the camera. “But anyway, in, err, Greece I think it was, was that after three years, they would dig up dead bodies and they’d be examined.”

“To see if they’d become vampires?”

“Basically.” Ryan nodded. “And if they hadn’t decayed to standard, or whatever, then they’d be ‘dealt with accordingly’” He said, adding air quotations.

“Who decides,” Shane snickered. “Who decides what a suitable decomposition is?” They both laughed. “Were they just like, ‘hmm, no, too much meat left on ‘im’”

“‘toss him in the fire!’” Ryan added.

“‘Into the pit’,” Shane mimicked throwing something over his shoulder. “‘Bring in the next decayed body!’”

“It’s like a line at the doctor’s office.” They both chuckled.

- - -

“Now, back to the case at hand. In early the 1950s, construction workers in London were working to fix up a number of buildings that were destroyed by bombs during World War Two. In one particular location, the damage caused actually led to the discovery of a basement-like room, that had been previously built over, remaining hidden for centuries. Upon further investigation, it was determined that this room was originally part of an Anglican church that was destroyed during the Great Fire in 1666, and was never rebuild.

Inside this room, many historical artefacts were found, but some of the most interesting, at least to me, were a journal and a stack of documents, that belonged to a previous pastor of the church. It is worth noting that the year 1640 is written on the first page of this journal, but it is up for debate for how long this journal was kept. The documents that were recovered, have been since entitled the ‘Crusades of Evil’.

Unfortunately, over time a lot of the writing on these pages has become too faded to accurately read. But enough can be made out to get a good sense of what they’re about. In short, the pastor of the church would lead hunts for all manner of unholy creatures. Almost all of them resulting in the execution of people who were thought to be these creatures. These documents contain the information about the accused, which was essentially just a name and location, if that, as well as what they were accused of doing/being, and the method of execution. Most of the documents found were signed a S.C. Cullen. But, thanks to the journal that was found with these papers, we know that the man in question was named Samuel Cullen.”

- - -

 “No middle name?” Shane asked.

“Err, no this guy didn’t write his whole name. Unfortunately.”

“And am I correct in assuming that the unknown ‘C’ initial is perhaps the same as our missing person’s?”

“It is certainly believed that the initials do come from the same name, yes.”

“Interesting…” Shane paused for a moment. “You know… just to switch subjects here,” He huffed a laugh, “And I want this on record, this guy already seems like an asshole… I’m very against the whole idea of burning innocent people to death…”

“Oh good, I’m glad.” Ryan said sarcastically.

“But, I gotta say… Crusades Against Evil! Sounds like a badass movie!”

Ryan chuckled. “To be honest, when I first read that… I did think it sounded like some kind of shooter video game.”

“Oh! Like Doom! You ever play that?” He mimed holding up a gun, and pointing it around the room. “Vampires just popping up, like bangbangbangbangbang!” He ‘aimed’ at Ryan. “Kaboom.”

Ryan just raised his eye brow. “You done?”

“Yeah.” Shane sighed, smiling to himself.

- - -

“Not much is known about Samuel Cullen, other than the fact he was the church pastor during the 1630s and early 1640s at the very least, according to the papers found. And the journal that was found, was unfortunately in an even worse condition than the documents. That being said, one legible section did make reference to a son, and if you were paying attention, you’d have noticed I said most of the documents were signed by Samuel. Some however, were signed C. Cullen. Which has led many conclude that this C. Cullen was the pastor’s son. But when efforts were made to find out more about this man, researchers came up empty handed, and found almost nothing. Not even a first name.”

- - -

“Not even a name?” Shane said loudly.

“I know.”

“So I take it that it was Samuel naming his son after himself?”

“Err, yeah. At least that’s what most people think. Which, honestly, I think is a fair conclusion to make.”

Shane nodded in agreement. “That’s kind of sad, that we’ll never know this guy’s name.” Ryan hummed in agreement, and there was a brief moment of silence. “I bet it was Clive.”

Ryan laughed. “Clive?”

“I dunno man, first name I thought of.” Shane shrugged.

“You thought of Clive before, like, Christopher? A much more common name.”

“Aaa, this is an uncommon guy though, Ryan.”

Ryan shook his head, not commenting.

- - -

“As I said, Samuel seemed to be very enthusiastic about the hunts he led, given the number of documents signed by him. His son however, only seemed to have taken charge in two of these crusades. And if it is to be assumed that the documents were kept in any sort of order, then that would mean, these two accounts from the son were much further apart in time, than that of Samuel’s. It’s also worth mentioning, that C. Cullen’s papers were noticeably longer in length, even if too faded to fully read. But this does suggest the man was, perhaps, more detailed in his telling of what happened, or even maybe had more compelling evidence of what he believed to be a supernatural creature. Researches involved believe the most likely scenario is that Samuel put his son in charge of the church and of the hunts, when he was old enough, as the son’s involvement doesn’t seem to be much later. But that his son was much more hesitant at doing the job at hand. Therefore, leading Samuel to decide to take over once again, possibly to save his own or his family’s reputation.

One document in particular sparked interest, when upon further inspection, it appeared to be written by both Samuel and his son. When comparing the handwriting, it was concluded that it was mostly written by the son. Starting with what seemed to be a description on a group of people living underground. This most likely meaning the sewage system at the time. Bible verses can also be found, such as Leviticus 17:10-14, which quotes ‘And whatsoever man there be of the house of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn among you, that eateth any manner of blood; I will even set my face against that soul that eateth blood, and will cut him off from among his people.’. But the account of the raid itself, as well as what is assumed to be the execution details, was written, and signed by Samuel. And no evidence of C. Cullen can be found after this point in time.

Which begs the question, what happened during this crusade that meant C. Cullen was unable to complete his own documentation? Was it a conscious decision to leave for good? And, what became of him?

- - -

“See,” Shane started, “I know where you’re going with that that question…”

“Yeah?”

“And I don’t like it…” He sighed.

- - -

“One theory as to why he vanished, is that it during this aforementioned raid, someone fought back against him, and he was killed in self-defence. As mentioned, this attack was written to be on a group of people. Consequently, it seems pretty likely that this group would fight back, given the chance. So perhaps C. Cullen met his match, and ultimate end in this way. Similarly, could it be that he was killed accidentally? Many historians agree that these types of hunts for supernatural beings, would have involved a large number of people. Could it be, that in amidst the chaos and disorder of the crowds, undoubtedly fuelled by fear, that C. Cullen was killed. Perhaps being trampled, or being mistaken for someone else.”

- - -

“Personally,” Ryan started, “I’m not sure I think that’s likely.”

“Of course you don’t, it’s a logical assumption.”

“Oh what, you don’t think, if we were in some crazed mob, I wouldn’t recognise you?” Ryan raised an eyebrow. “And I’d just accidentally kill you cause I was so caught up in the madness?”

“Okay one, you couldn’t kill me no matter how hard you tried.” Ryan made a sound to interrupt, but Shane continued before he could. “And two, hysteria does things to people man. You’re not thinking straight.”

“I just think that the leader of this raid, would be the most recognisable person out of everyone there. I imagine they’d have had him up on a little stage while they all crowded round for instructions before they set off. They’d all of had a pretty good look at the guy, and I’m sure he’d have just been a well-known guy at the time. The trampling, or self-defence I could kinda understand, but I can’t see how someone could’ve just like, grabbed him, and I don’t know, beat him to death or whatever.”

Shane just shrugged.

“Plus, again, he’s probably the most relevant person there.” Ryan added. “So, you’d like to think someone would have noticed his death and there’d be evidence of that.”

“It’s the 1600s, Ryan! What kind of evidence do you want? It’s not like they were running round taking photos or anything.”

“Well, there could be some sort of documentation of it. Newspaper article perhaps?” Ryan suggested.

“I don’t think many newspapers would’ve survived that long… Were newspapers even a thing at this point?”

“You know, honestly I don’t know.”

“And this is the 1600s, how many people were reading?”

“Hmm…” Ryan sighed. “Okay, you got me with that one.”

- - -

“The most commonly accepted theory is that C. Cullen simply ran away. As I said, it is widely believed that he was more hesitant about conducting these crusades in the first place, so is it possible that he used the attack as a cover to escape? Many believe so. Perhaps being in charge of the crusade in question granted him more protection in the event, and perhaps he wasn’t involved in the attack at all. He was simply waiting for news on whether it was successful or not. Is it possible that he hung back, and made his escape while the crowds fought without him? And that no one realised he was gone until afterwards. That being said, some have their doubts about this. Afterall, if C. Cullen was indeed so much more humane than his father, would he really cause an attack on other people, just for his own benefit? And would he be one to watch from the side-lines, while others risked their own life?”

- - -

“Okay…” Shane said.

“What?”

“I mean, obviously, I don’t believe for a second that there were actually vampires involved in any of this… But back in the day, people did quite truly believe that they were real. So, I can’t imagine it would have been difficult to get a crowd all riled up, and then send them off. Especially if the leader of it all also truly believed in the… in the cause, I guess. And I think, that if this guy did use the attack as a cover, and if he was as good of a person as everyone thinks, then he at least thought they were really vampires.”

“That’s fair.” Ryan agreed. “And if you think about it, bible verses were only found in his accounts. So that leads me to think that he at least had like, I dunno, God in mind or whatever.”

“It’s kinda strange to, like, imagine yourself living like that. If you’re taking the bible that seriously, and know it well enough to quote like that, it’s gonna be hard, cause it has a lot of contrasting points. I mean, I can’t say I’ve read the bible, but just from what I’ve seen online. It seems like it’s a bit all over the place!”

“Oh yeah, I agree. I mean, this quote again,” Ryan shuffled through his papers, “I will even set my face against that soul that eateth blood, and will cut him off from among his people’. I can understand that perhaps that could be interpreted to mean killing vampires is okay… But then in the same book you have ‘thou shall not kill’.”

“You know Ryan, I like it when we argee on this stuff.”

Ryan laughed. “Well, we’ll see what you’re saying after this last theory.”

Shane let out a loud sign.

- - -

“I’m sure you all can guess what this final theory is. But some people actually entertain the idea that C. Cullen was correct in his quest. And that he truly found a coven of vampires living underground in London. He was attacked, and transformed into a vampire himself, and he is still out there today.”

- - -

Shane let out a long and loud groan. Leaning back on his chair, and covering his eyes with his hands.

Ryan giggled. “What, you don’t like this one?”

“No.” Shane replied in pained voice.

“Well you’ll be glad to know, neither do I.”

“Oh really. I’d of thought this one was right up your street.”

“What? You seriously think I’d believe in vampires?”

Shane shook his head. “You are so genuinely terrified of ghosts, it’s really not so outlandish to think you’d believe in anything like this.”

“No, no. I’m gonna put vampires in the same category as I put witches. I think a lot of innocent people were unnecessarily killed. And in all honestly, I think Samuel Cullen here, knew what he was doing. I think it was a case of him wanting to maintain a reputation, and as with the second theory, his son just took off and left to live an honest life somewhere.” Ryan nodded.

“I dunno…”

Ryan exaggerated a gasp. “Do you think it was vampires?” He laughed.

Shane chuckled. “Absolutely not. But I mean, I’ll put the whole vampire thing down to mass hysteria, you know, like those people in France!”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I was so desperately trying to avoid you bringing that up.” He muttered.

“They danced till they died Ryan!” He looked to the camera. “Look it up! Anyway… Mass hysteria, plus, like I think I said this about the witches, but, general boredom can cause a lot of crazy behaviour. But with this C. Cullen guy… he probably just died. It’s not like they were medically advanced. People would get some sort of disease and the local doctor would give them cocaine or some shit. And it’s just a case of crappy documentation.”

Ryan laughed. “You don’t think he managed to get away and just move somewhere else? Probably chance his name?”

“I mean, that’s a possibility.”

“I just… I think there’s something just not sitting well with me, that this guys own father, never seems to mention a death. And that he just seemed to vanish and no one noticed.”

“Well maybe he did mention it, it’s just part of the journal that was unreadable.”

“Maybe…” Ryan said, unsatisfied.

“I guess we’ll never know…”

Ryan sighed. “I hate it when you say that.”

“I know…” Shane nodded, chuckling slightly. “I’m not gonna lose any sleep over it. It was four hundred years ago, he’s defiantly dead now anyway.”

Ryan nodded and hummed. “Well on that note!” The two laughed. “Hey, do you think if a vampire died, that it could still become a ghost?”

“Okay…” Shane stood up and walked off camera.

“Where are you going?”

“Away from you!”

“It was just a question.”

Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think!

[anthropologist-on-the-loose]

bitch if you think african dictators wouldn't wipe their asses with any returned ancient artefact or sell it to the Chinese and keep the money for themselves, you're out of your mind. colonial theft was a terrible thing, but giving those objects back would ensure they're destroyed and lost forever. many Western museums fund the training of archaeologists in Africa and elsewhere - that's the only reparation that makes sense.

Wow, my first anon hate! This means I’m starting to make it big, right?

So many racist assumptions here I don’t know where to begin. Let’s list them, shall we?

Colonialism is over

All of Africa is a war zone

Western-taught academia is necessary for archeology

Non-Western countries are incapable of being responsible

Non-Western countries are only interested in money and have no desire to connect with their heritage

Only the Chinese buy black market artifacts

I think I got most of them? Feel free to point out any additional racism I missed.

Now, the only reason I am not just ignoring this is because this does bring up complex, important issues that many people genuinely do not have a complete knowledge or understanding of. I did not want to get too in-depth when I made my original post, but I have decided that at this point I do not care how lengthy this ends up being. So I am going to address those issues right here and now. Namely, the belief that Western countries should hold onto objects for the sake of preserving them and how it is thinly veiled racism.

To begin, I would recommend watching Chimamanda Adichie’s TED Talk, The Dangers Of A Single Story. It’s making big waves in the academic community as it clearly articulates to a general audience how our views of the wider world are shaped by narratives we are told, rather than the lived realities people experience.

You imply that the entire continent of Africa is ruled by corruption. Firstly, it’s not. Here’s a few pictures of modern day Africa:

Nairobi, Kenya (x)

Gaborone, Botswana (x)

Porto-Novo Benin (x)

They look like real hives of scum and villainy, the lot of them.

These people have a stable government. Artifacts would be just as safe here as anywhere else.

It’s true that not all regions of Africa have political stability. But those issues are the legacy of colonialism. People in Africa (and other parts of the world) had stable societies for thousands of years before Europeans came along and destroyed any semblance of Native political structure. And yes, while societies rose and fell, and artifacts didn’t always survive, it was only 75 years ago when WWII almost caused the complete collapse of European society. Plenty of incredibly important artifacts were lost because of it, yet for some reason I don’t see anyone arguing that Western museums aren’t “safe” enough for artifacts.

Here’s a comparison: Let’s say you have a priceless family heirloom, passed down for generations. It has important cultural significance, and you could sell it for a high price to private collectors (which, according to our current laws, you would be within your right to do so). You keep it, not only because it’s valuable, but because it has a special meaning to you. Now imagine someone broke into your house and stole that heirloom and put it in a museum. You know exactly the person who stole it, and you have ample evidence of how they violated your rights. So you go the court and present your evidence and ask if you could have your heirloom back. But now the court says that no, you can’t have it back, because clearly you weren’t responsible enough to prevent it from being stolen in the first place. Plus, the court argues that it’s an important piece of art and shouldn’t be hidden away in your house. Maybe, just maybe, if you build a fancy glass case for it and allow people to come see it they will give it back. But you don’t have the money to build the case because when they broke into your house they stole all your money too. You can’t even go see your family heirloom in the museum; the entrance fee is too high. And funny enough, you might have considered donating that heirloom to the museum eventually. If the museum had waited, and asked politely, and offered to let you help tell your family’s story with that heirloom, all parties might have been happy. But I’m willing to bet that now you’re not really feeling in a charitable mood.

The point of all this is, and I can’t emphasize this enough, Western museums do not have the right to dictate what other cultures do with their artifacts. We lost that right when we took them by force.

Sometimes an Indigenous community will be the bigger person. They’ll say hey, we don’t have the resources right now to preserve our history in the way we want to, since you took all economic power from us as well. Please keep our artifacts safe until we’re able to. Sometimes, they decide to build bridges and give a museum a selection of artifacts they want to be displayed. But whether or not they do this is entirely up to them.

Oh, and lastly, if you think it’s only the Chinese who buy black market artifacts and help keep colonialism alive, check out the time when the American company Hobby Lobby helped fund Islamic extremist groups by buying black market artifacts. Or if you want something more recent, here’s a guy who stole from Native gravesites for his personal collection.

Have any other arguments? Feel free to bring them up. I’d love to discuss them with you. Try to be less defensive, it’ll help your case. And this time, try not to use anon. I can’t really take you seriously this way.

[anchanted-one]

15 Day SWTOR OC Challenge

Day 12: Alternate Universes: Do I have any AUs for them? What’s different, and what’s the same?

Arro: I think up new stories for Arro every day! A lot of them allow him a quiet, private life with Lana and some close friends. Some involve crossovers into different titles or settings (Medieval fantasy, Dragon Age, Diablo, and even real earth as an ordinary human). Most of these are just images in my head of him looking around markets, browsing through stores, or brandishing a blade (always has a blue blade). But there are two AUs that I have given some serious thought to. 1.) In a Universe where Lana isn’t Cipher Nine, and where Theron, T7, and Senya are killed, thereby robbing Lana of her most critical allies and skills. Ten years after Arro was placed in Carbonite, Arcann manages to find and crush the last of the powers that would have participated in the Alliance. Lana is left alone in her search, and at the doorstep of despair. After years of persuasion, Koth convinces her that she doesn’t owe Arro the rest of her life. She marries Koth and the two live on some backwater world in a galaxy that has been stamped into the ground. Five years later, a bombing by bandits destroys their home, with their two year old daughter inside. Zakuul Knights arriving too late to save her, but when they clear the rubble, Lana discovers that her daughter has been protected by an Astral Projection of Arro (she can tell it’s not a ghost). The Knights are shocked too, and most of them know exactly where to find him. They are pretty done with Arcann by now, so they aid Lana in breaking Arro’s box out of Zakuul without anyone being the wiser. Arro wakes up. Fifteen years have passed and everything he knows has changed. The Republic is a fractured dictatorship, the Empire is now several warring states and the Galaxy is bankrupt. The Jedi are gone, his friends are gone, and his wife has understandably moved on (Koth is kinda aggressively assertive here, perhaps with good reason). Arro leaves Lana’s once he has recovered enough. He doesn’t ask her to come with him, and she affirms to Koth that she has a different life now; one with Koth and their daughter. Koth does note how that hurts her but he’s satisfied (she’s made her choice, and it’s in his favor). Arro travels around, searching for a new purpose in a Galaxy that moved on beyond him. I hate myself for putting not only Arro but also Lana through this post-apocalyptic hell of a story. 2.) Years after ending the Zakuul war, a new cult called the Order of Zildrog rises up. They head to the planet Malachor, repository of Sith Knowledge and artefacts, where they corrupt an old Terraforming Alchemical device and set it to destroy the Galaxy. They lock the controls so that only Arro can stop it. If he saves the galaxy, an obvious stasis trap is set to hold him for eternity. If he refuses, the Terraformer will destroy the Galaxy one star system at a time. This was meant to be the “Storm” from Satele’s prophecy but it had me even more depressed than the previously mentioned AU. This would lead to an AU in SW: Rebels, where this corrupted Terraformer would be what Maul was after, but finds long dead (haha!) and frees a Jedi instead. After spending four thousand years in a prison, Arro laughs at the Rebel Alliance Councillors’ call to his Sense of Duty (remember the guy who also played Anderson of TV show Sherlock? He’s the guy I picture making the demand in a childish manner) . Arro has sacrificed enough for the Galaxy. He might overthrow Palpatine just to prove he can (as he is, to his dismay, called the Bane of Empires, so what’s one more Empire?) 

Akahte has several AUs. In one, she successfully retrieves her family from the Space Station, then stages her death. Kai’rene helps cover the last of her tracks and placate the skeptical Darths Marr and Vowrawn. Akahte reaches the Jedi, through Kai’rene’s old friend Jedi Master Timms. The Jedi are moved by her circumstances and offer her a quiet retirement anywhere she chooses. She chooses the Kalikori village on Tython. While here, she also shares her knowledge on the Force, and her own insights and theories, which are kept for study by Masters only. In another, she eventually accepts the role of Empress when most of the problem Councillors (Ravage, Mortis, Rictus) die off. With Kai’rene as her Champion, and with the backing of Darths Marr, Vowrawn, and Acina, she turns the Empire into a far less cruel, meritocratic society. She backs Prowle’s attempts to bury the hatchet with the Jedi, and both Orders learn to coexist, with the Sith definition of their codes drastically altered so that they are no longer mindless warmongers. Under her, the Empire becomes a paradise and a center for culture, arts, learning, and healing. She goes on to become the greatest Sith to have ever lived. 

[almostarchaeology]

Hogwarts Needs Archaeologists, Part 1: Fantastic Antiquities and Where to Find Them

By Adrián Maldonado

The Harry Potterverse is crawling with ancient artefacts and old magic. That doesn’t make it a story about archaeology as such – there is very little effort from the protagonists to do more than treasure-hunt (and in at least one case, tomb-raid) to collect and then destroy these artefacts. In one sense, the Harry Potter cycle is a parable of Fantastic Antiquities and How to Break Them.

Tom Riddle, Tomb Raider (source)

Which is why I haven’t felt the need to do an ‘archaeology of Harry Potter’ post on this blog. But then I went back to the books again. Well, sort of. I am lucky enough to share a timeline with the Binge Mode podcast by the superheroic duo Mallory Rubin and Jason Concepcion. Their breakdown of the books and films, chapter by chapter and scene by scene, with added detail culled from the wider (so wide) Potter canon, has reawakened my appreciation for the depth of JK’s creation. And, this should surprise absolutely no one by now, it makes me think there’s lessons for archaeologists in the Potterverse.

This will take more than one blog post to tease out. To begin with, we can start by looking at the vast array of antiquities which feature in the books’ own timeline. From there, we can explore how archaeology might work in the wizarding world, and then bring it back to reflections on Rowling’s uses of the past more generally. Speaking of the past, if you don’t want books from 20 years ago spoiled, well, tough look, my guy.

Medieval archaeology

Getting medieval in Diagon Alley (source)

To begin in the most obvious place, there is a lot in the wizarding world which owes its origins to the Middle Ages. According to Rowling’s Pottermore website, Diagon Alley and its major landmarks such as the Leaky Cauldron and Gringotts go back to c. 1500, retaining a ramshackle medieval aesthetic. The prison of Azkaban originated as the fortress of the fifteenth-century sorcerer Ezkidris. Even things which don’t appear obviously medieval are revealed to be medieval on Pottermore: the Quidditch World Cup has been played since 1473, and Floo powder, the magical form of transport, was invented in the thirteenth century by Ignatia Wildsmith (which, if I have another daughter, I will definitely adopt as a name).

The structural medievalism of the Potterverse includes Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry itself, a ponderous castle-university suffused with old magic. Oddly for Britain’s premier (only?) centre of magical learning, we do not seem to know exactly how old it is, but its founders all seem to have lived in the tenth century according to Pottermore. This would make it earlier than the first Muggle universities, themselves a product of the twelfth century and later. It is interesting to think that the robe-wearing denizens of Oxbridge and St Andrews are merely replicating earlier Hogwarts traditions.

Echoes of Hogwarts (source)

What is less immediately obvious is that Hogwarts’ medieval origins are communicated largely through material culture. The Sorting Hat belonged to founder Godric Gryffindor, and so is at least a thousand years old. The Mirror of Erised is also said to be ancient, though we are vague on dates. Does age confer magical properties, or have these objects survived due to the power of their magic? It can’t be the latter, as we are continually reminded of the precarious state of antiquities in the Potterverse. The Hogwarts houses retain stories about early medieval artefacts associated with the lives of their founders, including Rowena Ravenclaw’s lost diadem, Helga Hufflepuff’s cup, and Gryffindor’s Sword; Slytherin House has no equivalent relic-mascot although it does boast its own Chamber of Secrets (not a euphemism). Each of these objects is lost, stolen, or defiled in the course of these stories.

Ravenclaw’s diadem was lost almost as soon as it was made, and Slytherin’s Locket was never kept in Hogwarts, showing the somewhat less than reverential treatment of these artefacts, even among those who should best appreciate their value. More on Slytherin’s personal effects later, but it may be worth noting here that his Chamber was until lately populated with a living balrog, I mean Basilisk, which was at least as ancient as Slytherin before its murder by a student dangerously swinging another medieval artefact in 1998. Guys. Lock down your antiquities.

Days without an accident on site: 0 (source)

Of these artefacts, only the Sword of Gryffindor was curated to any extent, even if only as a wall-hanging which, let me repeat, students were allowed to handle. Hufflepuff’s cup was kept in the common room of its founder’s house, allowing it to be stolen and inhabited with cursed fragments of soul which almost led to the demise of the rules-based wizarding world order. In the end, Helga’s cup was found in a damn bank vault instead of a climate-controlled museum store. Listen, a secure, alarmed case may not have stopped Voldemort, but we could have at least saved these precious witnesses of wizarding origins from being callously destroyed in the war. Who will be the wizarding Mortimer Wheeler next time?

Excavating Hogwarts

Reading through Pottermore, it transpires that paying no heed to the medieval material world our protagonists live in is actively causing them harm. Two of Voldemort’s horcruxes, Slytherin’s Locket and Marvolo Gaunt’s Ring, date back to the early medieval period, but were kept as personal possessions passed down the Gaunt family line, allowing them to be easily stolen or sold, and, again, be haunted by evil curses. Guys. Where do I send my CV to develop a course in Material Culture Studies at Hogwarts? Better yet, let’s make it a MOOC, train members of the public, and then maybe next time someone tries to pawn an ancient relic our world isn’t threatened by cursed archaeology.

Please don’t drink from the archaeology (source)

My favourite revelation is that the Hogwarts pensieve, the expositional device in Dumbledore’s office which allows Harry to experience flashback sequences along with the reader, is a noted antiquity itself. It is said to be a stone basin inscribed with Saxon runes, and to have been found buried on the spot where Hogwarts would be built.

I can’t just pass this by. Why would a pensieve be buried? We know that wizards are buried with their wands, as recounted to plot-driving effect in Dumbledore’s case. It also transpires that, like wands, pensieves are very personal items, and are customarily buried with their owners along with any memories they have stored. What an incredible boon this would be for a wizarding archaeologist! And how well would this explain all the now-empty vessels we have found used as grave goods since prehistory, usually explained by us dull-minded archaeologists as ‘food-offerings’. Along with the spell priori incantatem, which allows one to see the last few spells a wand was used for, an archaeowitch encountering a burial furnished with wand and pensieve would have an unparalleled insight into the lives and deaths of the wizarding dead.

Back to the Hogwarts pensieve, then, we have a massive stone basin inscribed in Saxon runes, which would be rather out of place in the early medieval Scottish highlands, where Hogwarts is based. Is this a disturbed wizard’s tomb or a ritualised offering in a wetland setting? Once upon a time, this find would be taken as evidence for Anglo-Saxon invasion, but now we recognize that objects could be transported for a variety of reasons, and indeed are themselves more likely to be used in votive deposits due to the value they have accrued in the journey. It would certainly merit further investigation whether the Hogwarts loch was chosen by its founders not for its now-isolated and depopulated landscape, itself a product of fairly recent historical processes, but because it had an existing heritage as a site of ritual deposition. We can only hope, for the sake of its students, that the founders undertook some due-diligence magical remote sensing to detect any complicating factors from buried magic, dark or light, before undertaking a major construction project. But beyond health and safety concerns, I feel that we have lost something else by not recording what has presumably been a cult place.

A medieval inheritance

Pottermore also traces the origins of several major wizarding families to the Middle Ages, most notably the Malfoys. Their lineage can be traced back to Armand Malfoy,  who helped William the Bastard become Conqueror of England in the real-world timeline: “Having rendered unknown, shady (and almost certainly magical) services to King William I, Malfoy was given a prime piece of land in Wiltshire, seized from local landowners, upon which his descendants have lived for ten consecutive centuries.” In gratitude for their help with the Norman Conquest, he was granted a manor, which has passed down the family for 1000 years to Draco Malfoy. The mansion itself is said to be filled with ancient magical and muggle artefacts and priceless artwork, as so many stately homes were by the nineteenth century. Many of Britain’s museums were founded through bequests of such private collections, and these would make an interesting, if dangerous, Dark Magic wing of a Wizarding Museum. Given the spectacular fall from grace of the Malfoy family in the second wizarding war, I do worry about the status of the Malfoy collection, and whether it is at risk of being hived off in auction. The Draco Malfoy essay does reveal that he still lives in the manor with its artefacts after the war, so we still live in hope that this heritage resource has not been lost.

Even dark artefacts need curators (source)

In light of their family history, it would be easy to laugh off the Malfoys’ malevolence as the entitlement that comes from old money, but it should be noted that Harry Potter is a noted trust-fund baby himself. For all his remarkable magical prowess, Harry Potter’s destiny is also down to some serious inherited privilege. His medieval progenitor Linfred of Stinchcombe, who also lived in the Norman era, built up the family’s wealth through his famous inventions, including potions like Skele-gro. Their marriage into a wealthy family in Godric’s Hollow is also auspicious – as home to the Peverils and the Dumbledores, whose stories are so indelibly entwined in the history of wizarding Britain, this little village in England’s west country seems to have been the epicentre of magical achievement for a millennium. Something in the water, perhaps? Or a self-segregating community of elite families? It is through these connections that the Potter family came into possession of one of the Deathly Hallows, the invisibility cloak, in another form of inheritance which increasingly looks like the secret of Harry’s success.

Godric’s Hollow - in dire need of graveyard survey (source)

The Hallows themselves are the key to Dumbledore and Harry’s success, and Voldemort’s undoing, Unbeknownst to many, the Resurrection Stone, invisibility cloak and Elder Wand all seem to be inventions of the Peveril brothers in the thirteenth century. We know this partly because Harry and Hermione stumble on Ignotus Peveril’s medieval gravestone in the churchyard of Godric’s Hollow, clearly marked with the sign of the Deathly Hallows, at which point things begin to come together. Basically, Voldemort is able to be defeated because he only trafficked in antiquities, without researching their archaeological context – but in fairness, neither did Dumbledore and Harry until very late in the game. A simple bit of churchyard recording may have brought this to the attention of local history buffs much sooner, and we may all have been safer for it. Basically, folks, local heritage is all of our heritage, and is not just for tourists obsessively chasing only their own family history.

Potter’s pedigree

And so we come to genealogy, which is the secret engine of this cycle of stories, just as it seems to be in so many of our favourite fantasy worlds. The objects, people and places profiled here all seem to be the remnants of stories which seem to begin no earlier than the tenth century or so. But it is clear that the wizarding world existed before then, and the limits of our vision can be explained by the fact that the first university was established at that time, and presumably the recording of historical events as well.  In short, the narrow focus on a small pool of influential families and their feuds are the unresolved business of the formation of medieval kingdoms of England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland, as indeed is so much of our own contemporary politics. What if our consciousness extended to the messier early medieval kingdoms, or (whisper it) prehistory? Just how problematic would a wizarding archaeology be? And could it free us from the Great Men and Their Battles vision of the human journey? Let’s pick up our trowel-wands and find out.

***

Forward to Part 2: Excavating Magic

Follow us on @AlmostArch

[loretranscripts]

Lore Episode 21: Adrift (Transcript) - 16th November 2015

tw: death, drowning, ghosts Disclaimer: This transcript is entirely non-profit and fan-made. All credit for this content goes to Aaron Mahnke, creator of Lore podcast. It is by a fan, for fans, and meant to make the content of the podcast more accessible to all. Also, there may be mistakes, despite rigorous re-reading on my part. Feel free to point them out, but please be nice! 

I have a confession to make. Keep in mind, I write about frightening things for a living. I haven’t read a horror novel yet that’s managed to freak me out, and yet, I’m deathly afraid of open water. There, I said it – I hate being on boats. I’m not even sure why, to be honest, I just… am. Perhaps it’s the idea that thousands of feet of cold darkness wait right beneath my feet. Maybe it’s the mystery of it all, of what creatures (both known and unknown) might be waiting for me, just beyond the reach of what little sunlight passes through the surface of the waves. Now, I live near the coast, and I’ve been on boats before, so my fear comes from experience, but it’s not the cold, deep darkness beneath the ship that worries me the most. No, what really makes my skin crawl is the thought that, at any moment, the ship could sink. Maybe we can blame movies like Titanic or The Poseidon Adventure for showing us how horrific a shipwreck can be, but there are far more true stories of tragedy at sea than there are fictional ones, and it’s in these real life experiences, these maritime disasters that dot the map of history like an ocean full of macabre buoys, that we come face to face with the real dangers that await us in open water. The ocean takes much from us, but in rare moments, scattered across the pages of history, we’ve heard darker stories: stories of ships that come back, of sailors returned from the dead, and of loved ones who never stop searching the land. Sometimes our greatest fears refuse to stay beneath the waves. I’m Aaron Mahnke, and this is Lore.

Shipwrecks aren’t a modern notion – as far back as we can go, there are records of ships lost at sea. In The Odyssey by Homer, one of the oldest and most widely read stories ever told, we meet Odysseus shortly before he experiences a shipwreck at the hands of Poseidon, God of the Sea. Even further back in time, we have the Egyptian tale of the shipwrecked sailor, dating to at least the 18th century BC. The truth is, though, for as long as humans have been building sea-faring vessels and setting sail into unknown waters, there have been shipwrecks. It’s a universal motif in the literatures of the world, and that’s most likely because of the raw, basic risk that a shipwreck poses to the sailors on the ships, but it’s not just the personal risk. Shipwrecks have been a threat to culture itself for thousands of years. The loss of a sailing vessel could mean the end to an expedition to discover new territory or turn the tide of a naval battle. Imagine the result if Admiral Nelson had failed in his mission off the coast of Spain in 1805, or how differently Russia’s history might have played out had Tsar Nicholas II’s fleet actually defeated the Japanese in the Battle of Tsushima. The advancement of cultures has hinged for thousands of years, in part, on whether or not their ships could return to port safely, but in those instances where ancient cultures have faded into the background of history, it is often through their shipwrecks that we get information about who they were. Just last year, an ancient Phoenician shipwreck was discovered in the Mediterranean Sea near the island of Malta. It’s thought to be at least 2700 years old and contains some of the oldest Phoenician artefacts ever uncovered. For archaeologists and historians who study these ancient people, the shipwreck has offered new information and ideas. The ocean takes much from us, and upon occasion, it also gives back. Sometimes, though, what it gives us is something less inspiring. Sometimes, it literally gives us back our dead.

One such example comes from 1775. The legend speaks of a whaling vessel, discovered off the western coast of Greenland in October of that year. Now, this is a story with tricky provenance, so the details will vary depending on where you read about it. The ship’s name might have been the Octavius, or possibly the Gloriana, and from what I can tell, the earliest telling of this tale can be traced back to a newspaper article in 1828. The story tells of how one Captain Warren discovered the whaler drifting through a narrow passage in the ice off the coast of Greenland. After hailing the vessel and receiving no reply, their own ship was brought near, and the crew boarded the mysterious vessel. Inside, though, they discovered a horrible sight. Throughout the ship, the entire crew was frozen to death where they sat. When they explored further and found the captain’s quarters, the scene inside was even more eerie. There in the cabin were more bodies: a frozen woman, holding a dead infant in her arms; a sailor holding a tinder box, as if trying to manufacture some source of warmth; and there, at the desk, sat the ship’s captain. One account tells of how his face and eyes were covered in a green, wet mould. In one hand, the man held a fountain pen, and the ship’s log was open in front of him. Captain Warren leaned over and read the final entry, dated November 11th, 1762, 13 years prior to the ship’s discovery. “We have been enclosed in the ice 70 days”, it said. “The fire went out yesterday and our master has been trying ever since to kindle it again, but without success. His wife died this morning. There is no relief”. Captain Warren and his crew were so frightened by the encounter that they grabbed the ship’s log and retreated as fast as they could back to their own ship. The Octavius, if indeed that was the ship’s name, was never seen again.

The mid-1800s saw the rise of the steel industry in America. It was the beginning of an empire that would rule the economy for over a century, and like all empires, there were capitals: St. Louis, Baltimore, Buffalo, Philadelphia. All of these cities played host to some of the largest steel works in the country, and for those that were close to the ocean, this created the opportunity for the perfect partnership – the shipyard. Steel could be manufactured and delivered locally and then used to construct the ocean-going steamers that were the lifeblood of late-19th century life. The flood of immigration through Ellis Island, for example, wouldn’t have been possible without these steamers. My own family made that journey. One such steamer to roll out of Philadelphia in 1885 was the S. S. Valencia. She was 252ft long and weighed in at nearly 1600 tonnes. The Valencia was built before complex bulkheads and hull compartments, and she wasn’t the fastest ship on the water, but she was dependable. She spent the first decade and a half running passengers between New York City and Karakas, Venezuela. In 1897, while in the waters near Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, the Valencia was attacked by a Spanish cruiser. The next year, she was sold and moved to the west coast, where she served in the Spanish-American war as a troop ship between the US and the Philippines. After the war, the Valencia was sold to a company that used the ship to sail between California and Alaska, but in 1906, she filled in for another ship that was under repair, and her new route became San Francisco to Seattle. They gave the ship a check-up in January of that year, and everything checked out good. For a 24-year-old vessel, the Valencia was in perfect working order.

She set sail on the 20th of January 1906, leaving sunny California and heading north. The ship was crewed by nine officers, 56 crew members and played host to over 100 passengers. Somewhere near Cape Mendocino off the coast of northern California, though, the weather turned sour. Visibility dropped, and the winds kicked up. When you’re on a ship at night, even a slow one, losing the ability to see is a very bad thing. Typically, without visual navigation a captain might fall back on the celestial method, using the stars in the same way sailors did centuries ago, but even that option was off the table for Captain Oscar Johnson, and so he used the only tool he had left: dead reckoning. The name alone should hint at the efficacy of the method. Using last known navigational points as a reference, Captain Johnson essentially guessed at the Valencia’s current location. But guessing can be deadly, and so instead of pointing the ship at the Strait of Juan de Fuca, between Vancouver Island and Washington State, he unknowingly aimed it at the island itself. Blinded by the weather and faulty guesswork, the Valencia struck a reef just 50ft from the shore near Pachena Point on the south-west side of Vancouver Island. They say the sound of the metal ripping apart on the rocks sounded like the screams of dozens of people. It came without warning, and the crew did what they could to react by immediately reversing the engines, backing off the rocks. Damage control reported the hull had been torn wide open, water was pouring in at a rapid pace, and there was no hope of repairing the ship. It lacked the hull compartments that later ships would include for just such occasions, and the captain knew that all hope was lost, so he reversed the engines again and drove the ship back onto the rocks. He wasn’t trying to destroy the Valencia completely, but to ground her, hoping that would keep her from sinking as rapidly as she might at sea. That’s when all hell broke loose. Before Captain Johnson could organise an evacuation, six of the seven life boats were lowered over the side. Three of those flipped over on the way down, dumping out the people inside. Two more capsized after hitting the water, and the sixth boat simply vanished. In the end, only one boat made it safely away.

Frank Lehn was one of the few survivors of the shipwreck. He later described the scene in all its horrific detail: “Screams of women and children mingled in an awful chorus with the shrieking of the wind, the dash of rain, and the roar of the breakers. As the passengers rushed on deck they were carried away in bunches by the huge waves that seemed as high as the ship's mastheads. The ship began to break up almost at once and the women and children were lashed to the rigging above the reach of the sea. It was a pitiful sight to see frail women, wearing only night dresses, with bare feet on the freezing ratlines, trying to shield children in their arms from the icy wind and rain”. About that same time, the last life boat made it safely away under the control of the ship’s boatswain, Officer Timothy McCarthy. According to him, the last thing he saw after leaving the ship was, and I quote, “the brave faces looking at us over the broken rail of a wreck, and of the echo of a great hymn sung by the women through the fog and mist and flying spray”. The situation was desperate. Attempts were made by the ship’s remaining crew to fire a rescue line from the lyle gun into the trees at the top of the nearby cliff. If someone could simply reach the line and anchor it, the rest of the passengers would be saved. The first line they fired became tangled and snapped clean, but the second successfully reached the cliff above. A small group of men even managed to make it to shore. There were nine of them, led by a school teacher named Frank Bunker, but when they reached the top of the cliff, they discovered the path forked to the left and the right; Bunker picked the left. Had he instead turned right, the men would have come across the second lyle line within minutes and possibly saved all the remaining passengers. Instead, he led the men along a telegraph line path for over two hours before finally managing to get a message out to authorities about the accident, making a desperate plea for help - and help was sent, but even though the three separate ships that raced to the site of the wreck tried to offer assistance, the rough weather and choppy seas prevented them from getting close enough to do any good. Even still, the sight of the ships nearby gave a false sense of hope to those remaining on the wreckage, so when the few survivors onshore offered help, they declined. There were no more lifeboats, no more lifelines to throw, and no ships brave enough to get closer. The women and children stranded on the ship clung to the riggings and rails against the cold Pacific waters, but when a large wave washed the wounded ship off the rocks and into deep water, everyone was lost. All told, 137 of the 165 lives aboard the ship were lost that cold, early January morning. If that area of the coastline had yet to earn its modern nickname of “the graveyard of the Pacific”, this was the moment that cemented it.

The wreck of the Valencia was clearly the result of a series of unfortunate accidents, but officials still went looking for someone to blame. In the aftermath of the tragedy, the Canadian government took steps to ensure lifesaving measures along the coast that could help with future shipwrecks. A lighthouse was constructed near Pachena Point and a coastal trail was laid out that would eventually become known as the West Coast Trail, but the story of Valencia was far from over. Keep in mind there have been scores of shipwrecks, tragedies that span centuries, in that very same region of water, and like most areas with a concentrated number of tragic deaths, unusual activity has been reported by those who visit. Just five months after the Valencia sank, a local fisherman reported an amazing discovery. While exploring seaside caves on the south-western coast of Vancouver Island, he described how he stumbled upon one of the lifeboats within the cave. In the boat, he claimed, were eight human skeletons. The cave was said to be blocked by a large rock, and the interior was at least 200ft deep. Experts found it hard to explain how the boat could have made it from the water outside into the space within, but theories speculated that an unusually high tide could possibly have lifted the boat up and over. A search party was sent out to investigate the rumour, but it was found that the boat was unrecoverable, due to the depth of the cave and the rocks blocking the entrance. In 1910, the Seattle Times ran a story with reports of unusual sightings in the area of the wreck. According to a number of sailors, a ship resembling the Valencia had been witnessed off the coast. The mystery ship could have been any local steamer, except for one small detail: the ship was already floundering on the rocks, half submerged. Clinging to the wreckage, they say, were human figures, holding on against the wind and the waves.

Humans have had a love affair with the ocean for thousands of years. Across those dark and mysterious waters lay all manner of possibility: new lands, new riches, new cultures to meet and trade with. Setting sail has always been something akin to the start of an adventure, whether that destination was the northern passage or just up the coast, but an adventure at sea always comes with great risk; we understand this in our core. It makes us cautious, it turns our stomachs, it fills us with equal parts dread and hope, because there on the waves of the ocean, everything can go according to plan, or it can all fail tragically. Maybe this is why the ocean is so often used as a metaphor for the fleeting, temporary nature of life. Time, like waves, eventually wear us all down. Our lives can be washed away in an instant, no matter how strong or high we build them. Time takes much from us, just like the ocean. Waters off the coast of Vancouver Island are a perfect example of that cruelty and risk. They can be harsh, even brutal, toward vessels that pass through them. The cold winters and sharp rocks leave ships with little chance of survival, and with over 70 shipwrecks to date, the graveyard of the Pacific certainly lives up to its reputation. For years after the tragedy of 1906, fishermen and locals on the island told stories of a ghostly ship that patrolled the waters just off the coast. It’s said it was crewed by skeletons of the Valencia sailors who lost their lives there. It would float into view and then disappear, like a spirit, before anyone could reach it. In 1933, in the waters just north of the 27-year-old wreck of the Valencia, a shape floated out of the fog. When a local approached it, the shape became recognisable; it was a lifeboat. It looked as if it had just been launched moments before and yet there, on the side of the boat, were pale letters that spelled out a single word: Valencia.

[Closing statements]

[vampireadamooc]

As Always: text is provided only in the event of access expiration or post deletions from the hosting site. Whenever possible, always read the article at the link.

Note: I've been debating setting up a web store where I sell Folklore Correct Vampire Hunting Kits, but I'm already busy enough. My plate is full. I don’t need goths and former twilight fans emailing me that I’m an “idiot” for not including this, that or the other thing. 

 I did put one together over a weekend just to illustrate the differences between Hollywood inspired kits and the folk tales. Like... I can tell the maker of the kit was a fan of Bram Stoker-ish vampires or if they preferred Hammer Horror. And neither fandom would do much to actually “kill” a vampire. PS: no. Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vampire Repellent wont do shit except suck all the money from your bank account.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/silver-bullets-killing-kits-very-13940409

Silver bullets, killing kits and the very weird history of vampires Creepy cases packed full of vampire-killing instruments are selling for tens of thousands of pounds

ByMatt Roper 13:16, 6 FEB 2019

A vampire killing kit might not seem like the most obvious item for your gift wish list but it's the latest must-have possession.

It has been claimed the cases of creepy instruments were once used by real life Dracula hunters.

And they don’t come cheap - ‘authentic’ kits dating back to the 17th century can sell for tens of thousands of pounds.

Most of the antique cases include wooden stakes and a mallet - to strike vampires through the heart - as well as a crucifix, rosary and prayer book, and a pistol with silver bullets.

Other items include garlic powder, holy water and vials containing anti-vampire serums.

But while, with a recent new vampire fever taking hold, the kits are experiencing a modern-day renaissance, doubts have been raised about whether they ever existed at all.

Even the Royal Armouries Museum in Leeds recently admitted the vampire killing kit it's had on display since 2012 might not be authentic.

The museum's Keeper of Firearms, Jonathan Ferguson, wrote that after researching vampire slaying “it became clear that kits like our one could not have existed until the era of ‘Hammer’ horror films in the 1950s-70s”.

But he said it still had value as “an invented artefact that reflects our cultural obsession with the vampire.”

Another museum, however, insists their vampire killing kits are 100 per cent genuine.

Ripley’s Believe It or Not! museum claims it owns the world’s largest collection of the kits, of which no two are alike.

The kits contain everything the vampire hunter needs

It claims that, while vampires were described in tales and folklore for thousands of years during the 17th century people were so scared of them that they often took extreme precautions.

A graveyard in Poland, for example, was discovered to have people shackled at the neck.

Then, as Bram Stoker’s Dracula swept Victorian England, vampire fears finally made it out of Europe and travellers toured the hills of Transylvania with grave caution.

The museum’s 30 vampire killing kits include stakes, guns and equipment for making silver bullets.

No two kits at Ripley's are the same

There are also vials of liquid including “Professor Blomberg’s New Serum’, a Victorian sulphuric acid stomach tonic called Elixir of Vitriol, and one simply labelled ‘vampirism’.

Ripley’s, which has museums around the world, claims it has managed to authenticate the age of some of the components, including the firearms.

It says: “Were they sold to witlessly terrified travellers in the forests of Transylvania?

"Were they assembled later by mysterious individuals for purposes unknown? Either way, these kits are real.”

Historians agree, however, that for centuries there was a genuine fear of vampires throughout Europe.

'Vampire' skeleton that was speared after death uncovered in Yorkshire burial site

Often, these legends arose from a misunderstanding of how corpses decompose.

People mistook longer-looking teeth and fingernails for bodies turning into monsters, while the dark “purge fluid” that can leak out of a corpse was seen as evidence it had been drinking blood from the living.

Many blamed vampires for outbreaks of diseases like the plague, and the business of killing them, or preventing the dead from feeding on the living, was deadly serious.

Historical accounts emphasised the need for particular methods and tools, such as stakes to destroy the heart - one of the only ways to permanently kill a vampire - and the use of holy water or garlic to ward off the dead.

In a 1979 tract entitled ‘On The Chewing Dead’ a Protestant theologian wrote that people could stop the dead from leaving the grave and eating people by stuffing soil or a stone into the dead person’s mouth.

Without the ability to chew, the tract claimed, the corpse would die of starvation.

In 2006 archaeologists found evidence of this tactic when they unearthed a 16th-century skull in Venice, Italy, that had been buried among plague victims with a brick in its mouth.

Tales of vampires continued to flourish right up to the end of the 19th century, despite a declaration by Pope Benedict XIV that vampires were “fallacious fictions of human fantasy”.

Many of the cases contained cricifixes and firearms

They were also filled with strange vials filled with potions designed to kill a vampire

In 1892, when neighbours of Mercy Brown, a 19-year-old from Rhode Island who had died of tuberculosis, opened up her grave and found blood in her mouth, they took it to be a sign of vampirism.

Believing she was harming her brother, Edwin, who was sick, they burned Mercy’s heart and mixed the ashes into a potion for him to drink - a common anti-vampire tactic.

The potion was meant to heal him but he died a few months later.

By the 20th century belief in vampires subsided, but the monsters were revived in books, films, and more recently, hugely popular TV series.

And it was during the latest period of fascination with the vampire legend that the first anti-vampire kit emerged, in 1986, when one was put up for sale in the US.

The kit contained a percussion pocket pistol with accessories, a combined cross and stake in wood and ivory, and two silver bullets, and was sold as a genuine 19th century artefact.

In the years that followed other kits began to come to light, and values began to climb as the big auction houses got involved, with some fetching tens of thousands of pounds.

While some claimed they were genuine, made to sell to vampire-fearing western travellers to Transylvania, others insisted that vampire killing kits never existed at all.

In 2004, Sotheby's sold a kit attributed to German Ernst Blomberg and Belgium gunmaker Nicholas Plomdeur for nearly £25,000.

Although the auction house cautioned that "neither the existence of the gunmaker Plomdeur nor that of the gunmaker Plomdeur can be confirmed.

"Also open to question is whether these kits were ever employed successfully in the killing of vampires."

Genuine articles once used to stake the hearts of suspected vampires, or expensive novelties still fooling buyers today? One thing is sure, vampires are still dividing opinions and fomenting beliefs even today.

[not-poignant]

What exactly are the upper- and underworlds? I know they're not heaven and hell concept equivalents, but I feel like I've heard mention of dying fae going to the somewhere in the underworlds, which makes me wonder if there might be some parallels. And why are some fae so desperate to go there? (Like the Nightingale)

Hi anon,

I’ve answered a lot of this in this ask here. Basically the underworlds and upperworlds are actually similar in concept to heaven and hell, they just predate and are precursors to the Christian concept of heaven and hell. They’re older, and found across more cultures in history. Anthropologically speaking, the Christian concepts of heaven and hell are pretty recent, but with a ton of ‘stealing from other cultures’ in the meantime, because anything that bolstered destroying other religions and spiritualities to exert their own was like, how they operated in many places (and in some cases, still operate, depending on the denomination) where a strong argument of ‘ours is better than yours, so do it and let us control your government’ didn’t work. That’s okay, they learned that from older religions that did the same thing, though nothing ever stamps its violence upon the world quite like many branches of monotheism (with ’there can only be one god and it’s MINE not YOURS’ - you can probably see why).

Fae Tales is obviously dealing more with like, a range or multiplicity of underworlds and upperworlds, there’s not just like, one. So if Valkyries have to get to Valhalla after dying, that’s an upperworld, and they can. And if a fae has to get to the seventh level of Mictlan, that’s an Aztec underworld, and they can. Given most fae have originated from thousands of different Indigenous cultures throughout the world, it stands to reason (in the Fae Tales universe) that each of their Indigenous, mythological or folkloric places of rest (or torment, or limbo, or purgatory, or bliss) exist too. Just not in the realm where they all exist together: the middle realm (which is two realms overlaying each other: human realm, fae realm - that’s also not *mine* as a concept, that is found in different cultures throughout the world).

Gwyn’s role as a psychopomp was not just to eat the beings of fae, but also to send them to their correct places in the underworld or upperworlds (which he instinctively knew how to do without sort of knowing what they were). Generally speaking, upperworlds and underworlds are also where the gods live. But not always.

As for why some fae are desperate to go there: more power, more magic, more ability to have control over life and death, new life-forms to learn from (including gods), steal from, take from, destroy. Take your pick. The Nightingale went to the underworlds specifically to steal knowledge (successfully). It would be like telling a megalomaniac that actually Atlantis is real and they have the best power and riches but you can’t get there because suck it. Some megalomaniacs will not settle for that. Including the Nightingale.

(Also the Nightingale knows that artefacts from the underworlds sicken the middle realm of fae, and he wants that, he does - after all - feed on sorrow and suffering).

(Fae don’t really get to make it to the upperworlds though unless they die or get invited, and then they don’t come back. That shit is locked up tight).