#Only tumbler reblog allowed

[onlyswan]

summary: in which moving in together is a herculean task and jungkook teaches you how to fold his underwear.

> est. relationship, fluff, angst lowkey / wc: 3.2k

> warnings: mention of h!ckeys and or/l s/x (f. receiving), allusion to c*ckwarming and s/x

> in which masterlist!

note: who else will drunkenly research about men’s underwear and scroll through calvin klein’s website at 2am to write this for shit and giggles and self-indulgence if not art <3 as always i love hearing your thoughts thru reblogs/comments/asks !! 🥺

—

“pssst.”

“oh shit-”

jungkook looks up to find you standing by the doorframe of the walk-in closet, and the view instantly weaves a stupidly whipped grin on his handsome face. your hair is messy from sleep; your eyes are still half-lidded; and your lips are wrapped around the straw of the red water tumbler you’re clutching in your hands.

“baby! you scared me! what are you doing out of bed?”

“my bed escaped from me.” you mumble, padding across the wooden floor until you reach him. he watches in bewilderment as you fall to your knees and pull his arms out of your way. muscular body pliant underneath your dainty touches, he allows you to move him as you like.

“ahhh-” he produces a noise of enlightenment as you find a comfortable position between his legs, lying down across his lap. he’s forced to support the weight of your torso with his arm beneath your upper back, hand curled around your shoulder. “am i the bed?”

“mhmm, boo! i caught you. you’re stuck with me forever.” you go limp in his arms and dramatically press the back of your hand on your forehead like a damsel in distress, which elicits a chuckle from your boyfriend.

he bends down to pepper kisses along your jaw and exposed neck, plush lips brushing against the traces of love bites that blossomed on your skin this afternoon, courtesy of his friskiness. having always been extra sensitive there, the ticklish sensation makes you squirm. “that’s exactly what i signed up for.”

“oh?” you raise an eyebrow challengingly. “sure. let’s see if you can still say the same thing… three months from now.”

your fingers comb through his silky locks, taking a fistful and lightly yanking to pull him off you.

“as you were.”

a grunt tumbles out of his mouth when you change positions carelessly. in the end, you settle with straddling him, legs wrapped around his waist and arms around his neck, where you nuzzle your face and almost purr like a kitten due to the warmth that you’ve missed in his absence.

the process of transforming an apartment to a home together has been… exhausting, to say the least. you’ve had most of the furniture installed before you started bringing in your personal belongings, but how can a space feel so empty and so crowded at the same time? too many boxes, too many bags, too many things left to buy. the line between what’s yours and what’s his is blurring in your eyes, and this is only the beginning.

you thought dealing with jungkook’s self-admitted laziness would frustrate you at some point, well… which it did. however, it turns out that it is precisely what you need in this type of situation. yesterday morning, he successfully seduced you into letting him eat you out on the kitchen island. you reached the height of your pleasure twice in a row, nearly delirious as he was lost in untamed lust and moaned about how you taste, distracting you from planning out what goes in which kitchen cabinet based on dimensions and convenience. last night, he had to drag you back to bed at 5am because you ended up organizing your bookshelf for two hours instead of only getting a refill of water like you claimed.

“what are you even looking for?!” jungkook exclaims with a hand over his naked waist, clad only in his boxers, as he watches you rummage through four boxes in search for something.

“the easel!” you whimper, your calves breaking your fall as you slump back on the floor in despair.

“easel?” he squats down infront of a box beside you, scratching his cheek as his puffy and sleepy eyes scan the other boxes. “i don’t think an easel would’ve fit in here, baby.”

“it’s a mini one. the one i use to display my favorite book.” you pout to point at it standing in the second level of the shelf. he recognizes it as the limited edition book he bought you last year, and the flashbacks of him standing in line for hours to get it signed by the author are inescapable.

if hearing you say that it’s your favorite makes jungkook so ecstatic that he wants to break down into tears, he doesn’t show it. instead, he nonchalantly throws you over his shoulder, making a beeline to the bedroom. he yelps when you angrily pound at his back with balled fists.

“ugh, i hate you! put me down!”

he clicks his tongue. “bad!” he lightheartedly chides you, smacking your ass. “i’m cuffing you to myself! do you have any idea what time it is? you have class in three hours!”

“but, babe, i don’t want to attend!” you cry out, slumping as you grudgingly yield. “why do you have to be so strong?! stop lifting weights for fuck’s sake!”

at the time, you meant it when you said that you want to take the moving duties slowly since you have all the time in the world but… you can’t stand the clutter and disorganization for the life of you. at the same time, it pumps your veins with thrill, having an empty space and being responsible to breathe life into it with jungkook. out of all the life-altering decisions you had to make with your still developing brain, this is the biggest gamble yet.

you don’t know if you’re blinded by love, putting your trust in jungkook when he said that he wanted to build a life with you; or if it’s arrogance, having the trust in your ability to stand on your own feet again incase a match is thrown in a puddle of fuel on the floor. the latter is more painful to think about, quite frankly. just because you can, doesn’t mean that you want to. you have to. you have to. with bruised knees from praying for a little more time, you have to. the earth doesn’t stop orbiting the sun when your house burns down.

either way, it’s too late to succumb to your inner monologue. the stuffed toys you own, including ones you’ve dearly loved since childhood, are scattered across the living room. the journal you’ve been sadly neglecting for the past two weeks is just freely lying on your personal study space. you’re here, safe in his arms, and if there’s one thing you’ll always believe in, it’s this. and you intend to make the most out of each day the universe allows you the right to be here.

“you can fall asleep like this? while i keep moving?” he whispers, wide palm soothingly running up and down the expanse of your back.

only if it’s you, you say in the back of your mind. “you can see for yourself.”

“psh. always gotta keep me on my toes, don’t you?” he smooches your cheek, and then once more, lingering and refusing to part away. you feel his lips curling up against your skin.

jungkook reaches for the tumbler you left behind on the floor, capturing the straw between his lips and plentily sipping until he deems his thirst quenched. he sets it aside afterwards, returning his attention to the laundry basket he purposely laid on the floor so he can easily reach inside. he’s been happily working hard on the laundry after you both agreed to wash the clothes you haven’t worn in quite some time to keep your closet clean and fresh.

a little hiccup though.

quickly and unsurprisingly, you ran out of hangers between his long-sleeves and yours alone. therefore, he’s solely focusing on the to-be-folded for tonight, which mostly consists of shorts, casual pants, underwear, and socks.

he inserts his arm in the laundry basket to push out the articles of clothing closer to the edge, grabbing the nearest thing and proceeding to neatly fold it over his outstretched legs. his white sweatpants lands on top of its designated pile, and then the same goes for your tennis skirt, as well as his ripped jeans, and everything else after that.

jungkook being jungkook, singing comes naturally to him after breathing and more than blinking. he hums, chest vibrating against yours as he does so, occasionally singing the lyrics in between because he means them. a tattooed arm protectively wraps around you to keep you glued to his body each time he leans forward. his careful movements, along with his mellifluous voice, fool your senses into believing that you’re being carried out by the ocean waves to the shore of dreamland.

your boyfriend freezes when one of your arm slides down his shoulder, an irrefutable evidence that you’ve fallen asleep again. you finally tired yourself out, he breathes out a sigh of relief. he cups the back of your head as support, eyes shaping into crescent moons as he giggles as quietly as he can after seeing your face.

“so fucking cute.” he muses, rewarding your cheek with another kiss before securely tucking you back into his embrace.

he carries on with his task to allow you to dive further into unconsciousness. he spends the next fifteen minutes folding the boxers that were still stuck inside one of his suitcases, patiently operating with only an arm. his tattooed one is still preoccupied with maintaining a protective embrace around you. shortly after, he decides that it’s time for you to go back to bed.

“there we go.” he says quietly to himself as he succeeds to stand on his feet, carrying you with his hands hooked around your bare thighs. you unconsciously tighten your hold around his neck and release a deep sigh of contentment in your sleep.

he kicks the door open, walking with light, deliberate steps across the wooden floor. he climbs on the bed, knees sinking in the mattress as he gently lays you down. and there’s an inexplicable emotion stirring in his chest as he covers you with the blanket, accompanied by the epiphany that he is doing this at 2am not because time has arrived to daunt him and he needs to leave your bed to go home. not anymore. whatever this is, it feels so fucking good. oh my god, he looks forward to spending the rest of his life feeling you breathe next to him, getting lost in how peaceful you look asleep when he randomly wakes up in the middle of the night.

he tenderly squeezes your arms as he leans down to plant a goodnight kiss on your velvet lips, sweet and loving. slowly, and with the smallest movements possible, he gets out of the bed to return to the closet.

“love, you’re not sleeping yet?” your tiny voice barely reaches his ears but it pinches his heart, even more painfully when he sees that your hand only managed to seize three of his longest fingers to stop him from walking away.

he sits down beside you, intertwining his fingers with yours. “i will in a bit, baby. i only have the rest of my underwear left to put away.”

you blink at him hazily, silent as you digest his words in your clouded mind. “you’re folding them, too?”

“of course.”

and with that confirmation, you eagerly inch closer to him. “teach me.”

“huh?” his forehead creases, eyebrows knitting in a state of confusion.

“teach me.” you repeat yourself, bordering on a whine.

“how to fold my underwear?”

you innocently nod your head as a reply.

“why?” he asks, an amused smile tugging at the corners of his mouth because of your unusual request. but then again, he can’t say he’s much that surprised. it’s such a you thing to do.

“i can’t?” your lips form an adorably small pout, and you sniffle as your eyes water with unshed tears of drowsiness. “but you’re my boyfriend.”

fuck fuck fuck, he curses inside his head. his heart flips and drops to his stomach. holy shit, yes he is. it’s infuriating, how it requires you little to no effort to have him wrapped around your finger. the endearing sight automatically tugs at his heartstrings, urging him to cradle your soft cheeks in between his large palms.

“i’m just curious.” he reassures you with a chuckle, leaning down to press one more sweet kiss to your lips.

“we do chores together…” you trail off, nose scrunching when his brushes yours. you smile sheepishly. you’re relishing in the mere inches between you — how you can see that his pupils are evidently dilated, his brown doe eyes appearing rounder and bigger than they already are. “so i just want to learn how to do it right.”

you swiftly throw aside the blanket enveloping you when he voices out his permission with an “it’s so easy!”, cheerfully jumping off the bed. captivated by your unique charm, jungkook allows himself to be dragged away as a breathing, walking picture of pure adoration.

—

he finds himself sitting on the same spot on the floor, back comfortably resting on the cabinets now that you’re beside him instead of on him. your drooping eyes follow the every movement of his dexterous hands as he folds a calvin klein trunk on his lap, black with a white waistband. wearing an orange beanie of his you found stuck underneath the laundry basket, you obediently bounce your head as he earnestly demonstrates it with instructions.

“so you take this side and fold it over to the middle, and then! you do the same with the other one, so they’re folded equally like this.”

he briefly picks it up to show it to you from rim of the waistband, the two parts stacked and perfectly aligned.

“after that, you take the bottom and roll it over like… halfway? whatever, i just kind of do it by feel- and the final step… so you also fold the waistband here so you can tuck the rolled up part inside. it ends up looking this neat and compact, see?”

your gaze only flickers at the finished product, having seen what it looks like about a thousand times in his backpacks and luggages. “so these are called trunks… and those are called boxers?”

your boyfriend follows the direction your index finger is pointing at, revealing a pile of folded boxers sitting inside of his opened suitcase. he winces with his full set of teeth before he cracks up in laughter, the genuine curiosity you radiate is making his brain overflow with love and happy chemicals.

“right! those are more comfortable and breathable so i wear them at home, while trunks provide more support for when i need it, you know?”

“snug fit or loose fit this, boxers or boxer briefs that. you strip them off all the time to put your dick in me anyway.” you scoff, picking up another calvin klein creation from the laundry basket immediately afterwards.

a string of ditzy giggles slip past your lips. the light blue trunk was standing out among the neutral colors like a firefly in the forest, practically begging to be chosen as your first piece of work.

“i’ll do this one! you wore it yesterday. i love the color.”

his lips part open in surprise at your lewd and unfiltered response, a hand flying to his face to conceal the rosy shade that has begun to tint his flushed honey skin, many earrings collectively swinging and belly aching as he chortles. it’s embarrassing, really, how he still blushes despite having done countless sinful things with you. can you really blame him for being incapable of keeping his hands to himself when he’s so helplessly and hopelessly attracted to you?

he clears his throat, crossing his legs and moving to his side so he’s facing you. “go on then.”

you flap it against the air to straighten out the fabric, placing it over your thighs and meticulously following your boyfriend’s instructions step-by-step. you’re quiet as you commit yourself to the chore, floating in your little bubble of tranquility and concentration.

and jungkook is intently watching you with as much self-control he can muster. the urge to grab your face and kiss you senselessly is palpable, wrapping itself around his limbs like vines that have a life of their own, desperate to dip into the sun for a taste. they say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and he can attest to that to a certain degree… but dear god, its lack thereof?

there’s no sensible reason why the both of you should be spending your late nights in your new apartment doing stuff like this when you have an entire 55-inch television set up on the floor because you haven’t found the time and energy to attach it to the bedroom wall yet… and not to mention that jungkook had to write more batteries all types of batteries, tongs, and curtains as CURTAINS!!! in your little notebook of to-buy checklists because somehow, they never crossed either of your minds the last two times you went shopping for your remaining home essentials. his new gaming chair arrived this afternoon and he has zero clue where he will insert assembly time into his busy schedule. one of these days, you’re also bound to discover the plant namjoon left as a gift three days ago. he placed it at the balcony, and it’s only surviving due to the fact that it’s been a relatively rainy month.

although, that’s precisely what makes this moment so priceless and so grounding. you smoothly finish the challenge and sing “ta-da!” with a beam that causes your eyes to twinkle with a tiny sense of achievement despite your apparent exhaustion.

“oh?! looks perfect. good job, baby. goob job.” he praises you with a grin, affectionately stroking your hair. “let’s work together so we can go to sleep.”

his thoughtful words and action make you keen, coaxing the giddiness in you to bubble over. you playfully nudge his side as you haul the laundry basket closer. “i want to play. let’s see who can fold the most in a minute!”

“play?” his shoulders deflate as he sighs, battery running low.

“no?” your lips pucker up in dismay. “too tired, love?”

his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he gives it some consideration. he shrugs. “what’s in it for me?”

oh, damn it.

“the winner also automatically wins the light fixture debate?”

in which you’re referring to your month-long dispute over which color of the cloud light you should purchase for your shared bedroom. he insists on the white cloud that has the white light because it looks like a thundercloud, and on the other hand, you’re fighting for the pink cloud with the yellow light because it looks like the sunrise or the sunset depending on its saturation and brightness.

“alright!” he blurts out, a surge of energy kickstarting his system. he snatches his phone, which he left in one of the empty shelves near him. “baby wants to play a dangerous game, huh? the stakes are incredibly high! too high! are you ready? to lose?”

your mood sours when he begins using his variety show hosting voice, confidence dwindling but determination fueled and burning brighter now that he’s in higher spirits.

you roll your eyes. “yeah, sure. ready to lose the white variation in my cart, bro.”

he smirks mischievously, his childish and devilish laughter echoing in the closet. “we’ll start the timer! in three…! one- go!”

“freeze, you cheater! i wasn’t ready! put that shit down!”

—

note: soooo, are you team oc or team jungkook? i will be keeping score 👩‍💻

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm to be added or removed :D

—

[wolfiihoney]

You need him to love himself a little.

Okay, I got another one out for my tumbler Besties! I know Toji is a horrible killer and all but lets imagine he isn’t?! Anybody? If this is a little cringe just ignore it please I’m still learning. Reblogs are appreciated always.♡

pairing: Toji x Reader

warnings: none I don’t think

wc: 1139

<<33

Toji Fushiguro wasn’t a nice man and that’s something you knew, but what bothered you the most was how he treated himself.

Toji's expression hardened at your response. "So you're telling me that you won't move in with me because I'm... mean?" he repeated, his voice laced with disbelief and a hint of hurt underneath, he could not find out what he was doing wrong.

"Because I'm rude and don't value my own life, is that it?"

Y/n let out a shaky breath, your eyes still watery from crying. "Toji, you may be 'nice' to me, but you're not kind to yourself," you protested, you’re voice filled with concern. "You treat yourself like you don't matter, like your life is worthless. And I can't just sit by and watch you destroy yourself like this."

Toji's expression softened for a moment, a flicker of vulnerability crossing his face. "You're just overreacting," he said gruffly, avoiding your gaze. "I'm fine. I've always been fine."

Y/n wiped away her tears, determined to get through to him. "But you don't have to be just fine," you protested. "You could be happy, Toji, and not just with me but yourself as well. Don't you want that?" Y/n said getting close. Toji paused for a moment, his tough exterior softening even more at Y/n's words. "I don't know if I even deserve to be happy," he murmured, his voice gruff but tinged with a hint of regret.

Y/n's heart ached at his words. "Of course you do, Toji," y/n said, voice filled with love and determination. "You deserve more than just being 'fine.' You deserve joy and happiness. And I want to help you achieve that.” You said bending down next to his seated level.

Toji's facade of indifference began to crumble, and he let out a small sigh. "I've spent so much time just...existing, y/n it’s the only way I know how to be." he said, his voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability. "I've never really allowed myself to care about much, including myself, I wasn’t raised that way."

Y/n leaned closer to him in the dim living room of his apartment, eyes filled with compassion. "But you do care, Toji," she whispered, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "You just won't let yourself feel anything deeper than that. I mean you care about me…"

Toji's shoulders sagged, his tough demeanor slipping a little at what y/n said. He cared a lot about y/n more than anything in his life.

He looked at Y/n with gratitude in his eyes. "You know I care about you y/n, you know that" he said, his voice low and deep.

Y/n nodded fiercely. "Of course I do." she said, her eyes shining with conviction. "And I care about you, Toji. More than you realize. I want you to be happy and healthy.”

Toji let out a sigh, his tough exterior cracking even further under Y/n's earnest words. "You're really something else, doll," he said, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Y/n couldn't help but return his smile, her heart swelling with affection. "And you're just as stubborn as ever," she teased gently. "But I mean every word, Toji. I want you to take care of yourself, not just for my sake, but for your own."

You could tell Toji still wanted to protest.

Y/n took a deep breath, her expression determined. "Okay, Toji, how about this. I'll consider moving in with you," she said, her tone firm but loving. "But only if you promise me two things."

Toji raised an eyebrow, surprised by the unexpected offer. "Alright, doll. What's the catch?" he asked, his voice gruff but intrigued.

"First," Y/n began, counting off on her fingers. "You have to promise me that you'll work on being kinder to yourself and others. I don't want you to keep putting yourself down."

Toji let out a huff, but nodded reluctantly. "Fine, fine. I'll try to be less of an ass," he grumbled.

Y/n allowed herself a small grin, glad he was at least willing to listen. "And secondly," she continued, "You have to promise me that you'll stop being so reckless with your own life. I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt or worse because of some stupid risky decision you made, I don’t want you to change everything about yourself toji,” y/n said “I just want you to be safe.”

Toji's expression wavered for a moment, his tough facade coming back again. "I can't promise that, doll," he said gruffly. "My job is risky. There's always a chance something could go wrong.” He said sternly until he looked at You, seeing the genuine concern in your eyes, and his resistance faded.

"Alright, doll," he said gruffly, sighing. "I'll promise to be more careful. But I can't promise I won't still live life on the edge a little bit. It's who I am, after all."

Y/n's expression softened, but she stayed firm. "I know your job is dangerous, Toji, but that's exactly my point. You need to be more careful. I just want you to value your own life as much as I value it” y/n said looking into his eyes. Toji finally decided to listen to someone other than his self for once.

“Okay Y/n, I promise.” He said determined to try and love himself a little more

Y/n smiled warmly, feeling hopeful that Toji was willing to make some changes for the sake of their relationship. "I know you're always going to be a bit of a thrill-seeker, Toji," she said, a hint of amusement in her voice.

Toji let out a low deep chuckle, his tough exterior softening even more. "Can you really blame me? Life's more fun that way, doll," he said, a smirk playing on his lips.

Y/n let out a soft laugh, shaking her head in fond disbelief. "I should have known you'd say something like that but I’m very serious toji fushiguro." she said, playfully slapping his arm.

Toji feigned hurt, clutching his arm dramatically knowing y/n couldn’t hurt him physically even if she wanted to, his body was like a brick wall.

"Hey now, what happened to being nice to me?" he protested, pretending to pout. Y/n couldn't help but giggle at his silly theatrics. "Oh, don't pretend like you don't like a little rough treatment every now and then," she teased, poking him in the chest.

Toji let out a low laugh, his eyes sparkling with affection and something else a little less innocent. "Don’t threaten me with a good time doll," he said, reaching out to pull her closer. Y/n chuckled again, enjoying Toji's playful antics. "I'll be nice to you as long as you stay true to your promises, Toji," y/n said, poking him in the chest gently.

Toji mock-grumbled, but his eyes were sparkling with affection. "Fine, doll. I'll hold up my end of the deal, if it means I get to see that smile on your face," he said, pulling you into his arms.

[sweetfoxmojis]

hi welcome to my blog :D!

my name is angel or pepper and this is my accounts official intro!

I have adhd and dyslexia so please IWC. my blog is a SFW zone, please keep nsfw and negativity away from my blog, thank you!!!

Disclaimer that i change my brand and look alll the time so uh yeah 👍

my tag: #angels emotes

#angel answers

#angels random posts

#angels mooties

#angel reblogs

Crediting:

When crediting me you can use the tagz “sf_” or “ae_” all work! This helps ppl know what emojis are actually mine and credit is much appreciated, thank you!

My emojis request are open again!!

Will do: regular emojis, agere mojis, petre mojis, word mojis, gif’s as long as they’re not complicated, etc.

Won’t do: nsfw/kink, sys headmates, oc’s, anything very complex, shows and characters ( unless it’s on my behalf/only if I want to ), anything I can’t draw

Rules: I have the personal right to not respond/not do your emoji request, I have a life outside of tumbler and the internet in general so I may not get to it in a short amount of time, everyone is allowed to use my emojis for anything that is SFW but you can not profit off my emojis and you can not claim them as your own, you are also allowed to edit and recolor my emojis as you please I do not mind, when requesting plz try to be specific with what you want I’m a person with limited imagination and if you do not specify I will not know what you want.

Thank you for reading my intro and have an amazing day!

DNI

PLEASE DNI IF:

Nsfw in any way, proshippers and/or proshipper supporters, p3dos, anti-lgbt, anti-furry, anti-therian, anti-kimonomimi, homophobs, transphobs, rage baiters, abus3rs, victim blamers, z00philes, anti-agere, anti-systems, endo systems, endo system supporters, gr00mers.

[pigeon-smidge]

🇵🇸 🛑pleas don't scroll ‼️Hi, I hope you are well. My name is Mohammed Atallah, I live with my parents, six sisters, a little girl named Malak and a little boy named Ameer in North Gaza. I created this link to fund a bone graft in my left hand which was shot by an explosive bullet, to rebuild our destroyed home and to evacuate my family from Gaza to a safe place.And donate any amount to safe life .. I will appreciate your help❤️ Can you please help as much as you can . Press all buttons on my wall , I beg you to visit my page, view it, and donate via the link in the bio💔Donate and share widely 🆘🆘 Every euros will make a difference 🙏I urge you to donate. Even the smallest amount can make the biggest difference. Not only he needs to evacuate with his family, but he is in dire need for surgery! The IDF has shot his arm with an explosive bullet. Not a regular one. AN EXPLOSIVE ONE. So he needs to get it treated right away! Otherwise, he will get an infection and it may lead to amputation. WE DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, DO WE DO?So contribute! Make sure to reblog and share his story if you are unable to do so.Help my family. War is devastating. There is nothing left to live. No schools, no universities, no home, and no dreams. All dreams have been shattered. I hope for help before it is too late Please share on Twitter and tumbler and Instagram The campaign has been documented @90-ghost 🍉

If you can donate, please please do. Share as well, as a simple reblog and pasting the link somewhere can help more people see. It can save lives. It brings more attention to these stories that desperately need activism.

If you can’t, please share.

Arab.org actually allows you to donate FOR FREE to Palestinian refugees with clicks. You can normally click once per day but if you use different browsers, devices and open it from different platforms on mobile you can do it more often.

Peace for Palestine and the world. No one deserves to be hunted for simply existing.

We can all coexist peacefully. We are all human. 

[clover-system]

Allow us to introduce ourselves

Half a year active, over a hundred followers, the majority of which are veteran tumblers from that one 60k note explosion, and we still haven't properly introduced ourselves. Time to fix that.

We are Clover, an endogenic plural system. That means we are multiple people sharing one brain and body, and we aren't plural because of trauma. We do not have DID. (nor do the vast majority of endos)

I am Quincy, the headmate who fronts the most. Quincy is not my real name, but it could've been, and it's an alias I've been using for a few years.

Edit 2024 August 1: Quincy split into Eliza and Mia. Eliza's egg opened easily. Mine crumbled painfully. We now share the host role and this blog. There isn't much difference between us; we both inherited Quincy's memories.

Edit September 18: I live.

There are a lot of people on here who say that it's impossible for a plural system to form without trauma, but as you may have seen from our syscourse (system discourse (expect a lot of sys- compounds)) reblogs, they rarely cite any credible sources, and that's because they're wrong. I am not a LARPer and I do not claim to have DID. This really is every hour of my life, online and offline. If you have any more questions about plurality, feel free to send me an ask.

Though if we're talking about origins, "not from trauma" is overly vague for my taste. If we're really talking about how the system formed, I prefer "dreamgenic", because everyone originated from some combination of nightdreams and immersive daydreams which I had varying levels of control over.

The second most active headmate, Victoria Penelope, has her own blog @victoria-penelope-clover. She posts more infrequently, when she's able to front/cofront/proxy, and is currently mostly focused on syscourse, with occasional slices of life. She's my older syster.

Headcount is currently in the upper teens. Some more may be mentioned occasionally but I'd rather not have a list of private details about everyone easily accessible here for anyone to see. For the most part, all you'll see every once in a while is some colored text indicating a distinct voice.

Anyway, enough plural stuff! Now for typical bio stuff!

Fleed Reddit to come here and wow Tumblr is way better. Always happy to commune with fellow Rexxitors!

For obsession I circle between Chess, Minecraft, Geometry Dash, Warrior Cats, and Undertale. Fandoms I am on the edge of getting sucked into include The Amazing Digital Circus and Death Note. I also plan to watch Avatar: The Last Airbender at some point. Ever since our syscovery, I've consumed next to no fiction for fear of more headmates.

I have a few projects in the works but I've promised myself that I won't post them publicly until I've actually made substantial progress!

No DNI! Maybe it's just because I'm not jaded by years of wasted time with unproductive trolls, but I think assuming someone is in bad faith just because they disagree with you about something heated is bad actually, partly because I've seen what happens and how long progress takes when left-of-center people generally refuse to interact with, for example, transphobes. Relatedly, I will only block you if I think you're a bot or if you really, really fuck up.

Do not be surprised if I casually shit on something you believe in without warning.

I have an ever-growing queue set to post five times per day, and I try not to post too much more than that. I also try to keep my dash at less than 100 posts per day, which is apparently uncommon here.

Reblog reblog reblog! Not just my posts, but everyone (unless you have a good reason not to, like with this intro post). Reblogs are what keep Tumblr alive! Likes do next to nothing.

That's all for now! If you have any more questions, send me an ask and I might add it to this post!

[choicesficwriterscreations]

November News!

Hey Fandom! Just wanted to keep you up to date on some things going on at CFWC.

Sunday Six (& Beyond)

You spoke, we listened! You miss this feature, so we're bringing it back effective immediately, but with a little twist.

We will reblog all WIP fic previews... Sunday Six? Tickler Tuesday? WIP Wednesday? You name it, and we'll reblog it.

We will not have a weekly list like in the past, but we will tag all previews with #CFWC WIP so you can search for them from the main page or our blog.

Creator of the Month

The "Writer of the Month" feature has been replaced with "Creator of the Month" to allow our fandom artists to be included in the selection process. For selection criteria, please see here.

What about your MC / OC?

To have your MC / OC considered for MC / OC of the month, you must have their profile on the Meet Our MCs / OCs list. We accept profiles on an ongoing basis; just tag us on yours! Please click here for information about our MC / OC of the Month selection process!

Are your commissions open?

If you're a PB Choices artist with open commissions, we will gladly share your commission posts here. Be sure to tag us at @choicesficwriterscreations and we'll reblog as they are received.

New CFWC Guidelines

Please check out All About CFWC for more information on blog rules, how to submit works, and more. Some quick reminders:

Remember, the only way to ensure we reblog your creation & share it on CFWC is if you tag us!

Please be sure the story, character(s), and pairing(s) are clearly stated in your header. We won't have time to track creators down for details and will work off the information you provide. We can't read every work, and we're not familiar with every character (in artwork). So please provide precise details.

Use a page break. If your post is longer than 2 mobile screen lengths, we will not reblog. We cannot continue to create new posts for creations that are too long. For instructions on how to add a page break, please see here.

Upcoming Events!

We will be holding three-holiday events that have become a staple at CFWC again this year:

CFWC Holiday Celebration

Tumblr Top 3

Creator's Top 3

Prompts and rules for the Holiday Celebration will be posted this weekend to allow you time to prepare your creations! Prize information will also be included, so stay tuned!

For newcomers, this is a link to our 2022 Tumbler Top 3 and Creator's Top 3 masterlists. It's a way for you to look back and highlight our most popular and favorite creations of the past year, then share them with our Choices community. In 2023, this will be open to artists and writers. Information will be posted in early December.

If you have any questions or suggestions, please feel free to shoot us an ask!

[xxscarletlightxx]

Helluva Boss Shipping Poll Month!

Hello, Members of the Helluva Boss Fandom! In an effort to gauge public opinion I will be hosting a Helluva Shipping Month! (Or many months) Mon, July 29 will Mark the beginning. Everyday I shall post a poll with ships for a character, for a week, each week will be dedicated to a specific character.

Here's how polling works

• Ships will only be from Helluva Boss, the characters must have met before for ship viability

• Incest/Proship ships will NOT be included

• If I have missed a ship please comment, it will be included in the next poll.

• Ships that go against a characters canon sexuality will be included because this is to gauge the fandom not tell people what to do.

• Depending on how many ships there are originally they will slowly narrow down through the week until there is one ship standing.

• Most likely only the main five; Stolas, Loona, Blitzø, Moxxie, and Millie will get weeks unless a character is highly requested.

• Since Tumbler only allows 12 options per poll, polls on the first day will probably be separated into Het + Homo and Multi/Poly.

• There will be polls on days 1-6 with winners released on the 7th day

The First Poll Will Be Here (If not linked check my blog)

Loona Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Blitzø Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Millie Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Moxxie Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Stolas Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

In order to get accurate statistics I would ask that you reblog and like to boost this through the algorithm and get an accurate reading on public opinion.

[mylovelylittlething]

🛑pleas don't scroll ‼️Hi, I hope you are well. My name is Mohammed Atallah, I live with my parents, six sisters, a little girl named Malak and a little boy named Ameer in North Gaza. I created this link to fund a bone graft in my left hand which was shot by an explosive bullet, to rebuild our destroyed home and to evacuate my family from Gaza to a safe place.And donate any amount to safe life .. I will appreciate your help❤️ Can you please help as much as you can . Press all buttons on my wall , I beg you to visit my page, view it, and donate via the link in the bio💔Donate and share widely 🆘🆘 Every euros will make a difference 🙏I urge you to donate. Even the smallest amount can make the biggest difference. Not only he needs to evacuate with his family, but he is in dire need for surgery! The IDF has shot his arm with an explosive bullet. Not a regular one. AN EXPLOSIVE ONE. So he needs to get it treated right away! Otherwise, he will get an infection and it may lead to amputation. WE DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, DO WE DO?So contribute! Make sure to reblog and share his story if you are unable to do so.Help my family. War is devastating. There is nothing left to live. No schools, no universities, no home, and no dreams. All dreams have been shattered. I hope for help before it is too late Please share on Twitter and tumbler and Instagram The campaign has been documented @90-ghost

I will share your story, and I encourage others to visit your blog. I will donate what I can and I hope and ask that others do too. You are heard. Your pain is not silent. We will not stop talking about this war even when it does stop. You are strong. Please do not loose hope. I'm sorry my country has allowed this for your people. We will not stop talking.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Frank, can you list 3 reasons why tumblr is a social media and not an aquarium?

OK, I don't really like this and it's probably a bad post, but it is very easy to phrase as a joke:

tumbler is a social media bc it gives you the opportunity to send yourself reblogs

the aquarium is too cold because it only allows you to look at one fish at a time

tumbler is good because sometimes you don't send yourself reblogs and you can look around the aquarium and see your friends, but sometimes you do send yourself reblogs so you can look at that one fish, and the aquarium is much cooler

[deanwinchesterswitch]

I posted 4,402 times in 2022

271 posts created (6%)

4,131 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@justjensenanddean

@mvdeanw

@impala-dreamer

@sensitivehandsomeactionman

@deansraspberrypie

I tagged 4,154 of my posts in 2022

Only 6% of my posts had no tags

#dean winchester - 1,184 posts

#jensen ackles - 1,162 posts

#early seasons dean - 358 posts

#the boys tv - 289 posts

#my heart - 241 posts

#divine nine - 210 posts

#mouth made for sin - 204 posts

#beautiful soul - 204 posts

#lol - 186 posts

#soldier boy - 185 posts

Longest Tag: 72 characters

#it really is a shame that they didn't have pam or tommy sign off on this

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Evermore

Summary: Living without Dean is an unbearable endeavor.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: ANGST, character death-no graphic detail

Word Count: 1,000😮 (Probably will never do that again.)

Title Card Credits: @tumbler-tidbits

Beta(s): Un-betaed, (😬first time for everything), but tear tested.😭😭😭

Author’s Notes: Based on the song evermore and the SPN finale. I am not a Taylor Swift fan, but the first time I heard the song, there was a visceral need to write a Dean-related fic. Listen while you read. I wrote this in one afternoon after listening to the song on repeat for about four hours the night before and literally crying when I woke up visualizing the story.

See the full post

106 notes - Posted June 29, 2022

#4

It's Thirsty Thursday!!!

See the full post

113 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

#3

I'm doing a thing and have a question for anyone that would like to respond.

What song immediately reminds you of Dean and why?

Carry On My Wayward Son and Night Moves are not allowed.

It doesn't have to be something Dean would listen to. It doesn't have to be classic rock. It doesn't have to be part of the show's playlist. It just needs to make you think of Dean as soon as you hear it.

Shoot me an ask, hit me up in the DMs, reblog, or reply in the comments. Anonymous or not.

No pressure tags to a few peeps that might respond or pass this along. @princessmisery666 @wayward-and-worn @siospins2 @thinkinghardhardlythinking @waywardbaby @deaneverafter @impala-dreamer @thoughtslikeaminefield @muchamusedaboutnothing @lovealways-j anyone that would like to share.

132 notes - Posted September 27, 2022

#2

I should have been writing, but I went down a rabbit hole instead.

See the full post

185 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

What kind of writer are you? (uquiz)

I got magma writer

Not sure all aspects of that are true, but it's interesting. I like it.

Who wants to play along?

276 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

I watched in awe as my #1 post take off like an exorcised demon, but I have to say that I am a bit disappointed that it wasn't one of my Dean/Jensen Thirsty Thursday or Divine Nine posts.😂

Although, I am super happy that three of them made it into the top 5.

Although it may indicate my lack of having a 'life', I was very happy to see the number of reblogs! There is a plethora of wonderful fics, beautiful edits, and artwork out there to share. Why wouldn't I want to make my dash a happy place to be by reblogging?💖

Thank you all for making my little story from nowhere one of my top five posts!!!🤗😘🤗

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[yoon1501]

Week 3: Digital Community: Tumblr Case Study

Tumblr: The Social Network That’s Loved Across Generations

Though platforms such as Facebook and Instagram seem to rule the day as social media, a micro-blogging platform called Tumblr still makes headway. Although it is the most recent of the above three — launching in 2007 — Tumblr has captured generations’ attention through its manner of doing business and its platform. Since algorithms do not determine these themes or necessarily urge to get likes/shares, Tumblr is an excellent environment for people who wish to articulate themselves without any strings attached and to participate in movements and ideas that, in turn, get nourishment from such followers.

Unlike other social media, Tumblr works entirely in the public sphere. This public space enables its users to exchange ideas, articulate novel concepts with ease, and contact people with related interests without the influence of market forces and rigid censorship (Calhoun, 1992). The flow of ideas and the concept of ideas as actionable, as presented in the reblog feature on Tumblr, is a freedom everyone enjoys. Readers admire the fascinating ideas of other bloggers and put them on their blogs, stimulating the flow of creative ideas from the company to the community and not requesting likes or sharing as in the case of Facebook or Instagram (Nield, 2013). The notes functionality, which encourages users to reblog and comment, is a feature that helps to facilitate users’ relations. More specifically, Tumblr has embraced the GIF, a prevalent form of an animated digital image. GIFs are effective graphic interchanges since they enable users to show their feelings and ideas in an entertaining and graphical form, bringing in a new language of Tumblr (Lepard, 2023).

Harry Potter Fanfiction Community: The Creativity of Millennials

In the case of the Millennials, Tumblr has created and shared content and reinforced communities around shared passions. A case in point is that of the Harry Potter fanfiction community, which has seen many book series fans take to writing their interpretations of the magical world. From new stories of character lives to theories, this community, in turn, brought a new use for Tumblr as an online public space and encouraged creative proliferation. Here, even if they are not professional authors, the readers will be able to upload their long stories, get the views of the readers, and engage in participative analysis of cultural and literary issues.

"Pizza" Bloggers and Gen Z's Meme Craze

Although its usage is distinct, Tumblr is still remarkably popular among Gen Z users on other platforms. According to Reeve (2016), about the case of the "Pizza" blogger, on the other hand, used a subdued approach in which she reblogged any random post on "pizza" written by her fans and by any other Tumblr user, even if the meal was unimportant. She reblogged a piece that questioned which person was more deserving of worship—Tumbler user Pizza or Beyonce. The speed at which she responded and the ease with which "summoning pizza" occurred astounded the learners. Because reblogs make it simple for information to be shared widely, "Pizza" parodies funny photographs and uses humour to create comical social or mass communication drawings.

While utilizing GIFs, memes, and images in compelling storytelling, the creativity of Gen Z on Tumblr largely depends on the memes or extensive photos. Through the unique features of Tumblr, such as social justice and suppression, Gen Z continues to experiment with and develop new artistic forms that are not only creative but also allow for the organic expression of opinions on political matters.

Tumblr: A Public Space for Creativity

Throughout many generations of users, Tumblr has always preserved its distinct stand as a social network that allows audiences to share content and as a space for every user across the ages to voice their opinions. Sure, many social networks measure a user's success in terms of engagement on the content provided; with Tumblr, there are no walls to creativity as the aim is to propagate ideas and not to 'like' or 'share' them. Using reblogs, notes, and GIFs, Tumblr has redefined social networks as one that is not merely traditional but seeks to engage users through thought and freely creative practices. From Millennial fanfiction to Gen Z memes, Tumblr has always been a public sphere where the dominating aspects of power politics are compromised, and every voice is seen and encouraged.

References

Calhoun, C.J. (1992). Habermas and the public sphere. Cambridge, Mass.: Mit Press.

Lepard, C. (2023). What is a GIF and How To Use It in Social Media. [online] Wix Blog. Available at: https://www.wix.com/blog/gifs-in-social-media.

Nield, D. (2013). What Does It Mean to Reblog on Tumblr? [online] Chron - Small Business. Available at: https://smallbusiness.chron.com/mean-reblog-tumblr-61882.html [Accessed 22 Sep. 2024].

Reeve, E. (2016). The Secret Lives of Tumblr Teens. [online] The New Republic. Available at: https://newrepublic.com/article/129002/secret-lives-tumblr-teens.

[diaborodevil]

Shockwave: hello humans of what is that tumbler from today to the end of the week the creator of the fanfic will be hosting a qna on said fic did I do that correctly

Diaboro: yes you did this probably a bad idea but I hope it gets attention especially from curious outsider and highly unlikely I wish for fan art

Shockwave: how this is only text based they have no idea what we look like they don’t even know that I look like a bayverse shockwave with a g1 style arm

Diaboro: fair I’ll make a comparison list

Bumblebee=g1

Perceptor=g1

Bulkhead=animated

Optimus=bayverse

Starscream= mostly g1 but wings like armada and heels like prime

Drift=g1

Seekers= every generation

Sideswipe=rid 2015

Dinobots= half war for cybertron half bayverse

Tarantulas=earthspark

Diaboro: and that should do it you can ask me or characters questions till Sunday and if you make fanart reblog it to this post

Shockwave: actually I have a question

Diaboro: ask away

Shockwave: what’s up with ground bridges

Diaboro: what about them

Shockwave: they work like both ground and space bridges

Diaboro: oh I decided that ground bridges are what cybertronians use to travel ground to ground functioning multi planetary while space bridges only allow travel through different parts of space for ship travel

Shockwave:

Diaboro: so that should cover it ask away until Sunday

[pigeon-smidge]

🇵🇸 🛑pleas don't scroll ‼️Hi, I hope you are well. My name is Mohammed Atallah, I live with my parents, six sisters, a little girl named Malak and a little boy named Ameer in North Gaza. I created this link to fund a bone graft in my left hand which was shot by an explosive bullet, to rebuild our destroyed home and to evacuate my family from Gaza to a safe place.And donate any amount to safe life .. I will appreciate your help❤️ Can you please help as much as you can . Press all buttons on my wall , I beg you to visit my page, view it, and donate via the link in the bio💔Donate and share widely 🆘🆘 Every euros will make a difference 🙏I urge you to donate. Even the smallest amount can make the biggest difference. Not only he needs to evacuate with his family, but he is in dire need for surgery! The IDF has shot his arm with an explosive bullet. Not a regular one. AN EXPLOSIVE ONE. So he needs to get it treated right away! Otherwise, he will get an infection and it may lead to amputation. WE DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, DO WE DO?So contribute! Make sure to reblog and share his story if you are unable to do so.Help my family. War is devastating. There is nothing left to live. No schools, no universities, no home, and no dreams. All dreams have been shattered. I hope for help before it is too late Please share on Twitter and tumbler and Instagram The campaign has been documented @90-ghost 🍉

If you can donate, please please do. Share as well, as a simple reblog and pasting the link somewhere can help more people see. It can save lives. It brings more attention to these stories that desperately need activism.

If you can’t, please share.

Arab.org actually allows you to donate FOR FREE to Palestinian refugees with clicks. You can normally click once per day but if you use different browsers, devices and open it from different platforms on mobile you can do it more often.

Peace for Palestine and the world. No one deserves to be hunted for simply existing.

We can all coexist peacefully. We are all human. 

[fancollection-too-maaya]

15.約束はいらない

illustration by みかっこ

【 Anniversary comment 】

「約束はいらない」から祝25周年！いつも素敵な作品に助けられてきました。感謝。芯の強い真綾さんの背中に憧れています。 イラストは馬と美女の組み合わせが描きたい気持ちにエスカ風味を添えてみました。これからも応援しています！！

特設サイトトップに戻る

[kaypeace21]

hello :) by any chance were you able to connect your theory that Will created the upside down with the new information we had on st4? sorry if you already changed something there and i didn't see it, for some reason i can't click on the links of your main theories post

The app has the old links in the pinned post. But not on the desktop version of tumbler. Also the links dissappear if reblogged.

Well what I'm curious about is if el opened a gate in the 70s- creating vecna. Why is the ud stuck on the day Will went missing in s1? As opposed to the 70s? Was it a coincidence that the clock hand henry moves supernaturally says "Williams" on it (when Will in s3 was handed a "forever clock)? Vecna means "forever". Is Henry actually "free" or like s4 states is there "existential dread" about to be revealed ... where vecna isn't actually free but "cursed" by a different undead wizard (Will?). Will sings never ending story in s4- it’s about a boy with a bowl cut who creates a dream world over-run by  physical and metaphorical darkness. Argyle mentions the film caused him “existential dread”-specifically to Will.

Dustin speculated vecna was a general of the mindflayer's army... is that still possible? Or is it the other way around? They both have the spider like apppearence, associated with clocks, etc. In d&d, Mindflayers go into the past to create themselves- creating a time loop. El in ep s4e1 says "we're all time travelers". So again why is the ud stuck on the day Will went missing instead of the 70s? Why did Owens monitor Will's brain waves and record him on video (like he and others do to other numbers.what did he suspect was goiing on with Will ?) . Why parallel henry to not only el but Will? Both are called "sensitive" ,both are artists who wear plaid , both are undead wizards, both hate Dr's, both have Brenner fake their de*th, both use fire, both are associated with electricity, both see a clock hand move rapidly in a supernatural fashion , both are associated with rainbows, both have siblings of theirs see a de*d rabbit, etc. And the existence of henry establishes that psychic kids can be born with abilities stronger than numbers who were trained in a lab from birth. Aka so what about Will? Could he be born with powers? Could Will have created his own d&d army subconsciously, even creating a time loop just like the d&d mindflayer does ?

Why does the s4 part 2 poster have Will grabbing his neck as if sensing the mf ? Why do El/Vecna/Will parallel and have so many symbolic connections to the the ud? I'll talk about that in a diff post.

So why? Cause he and jonathan are targeted by vecna in part 2 ? Are the parallels between the 2 an explanation on why Will was targeted in s1/2? Is there something more? Will Will's "true sight" allow him to break through the dream-illusions? And "break the code" like his hero Alan turing. Since in d&d truesight allows you to see through illusions?

So yeah my theory Will somehow created the mindflayer/monsters with his powers and created a time loop is still ... kind of ... possible. Lol but I won't bet on it one way or another . Cause there's various possibilities . Curious what will happen though.

I'll work on some (non ship related) plot analyses soon.

[dollslayer]

Fight or Flight

Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Steve comes clean, in the aftermath and shock you turn to the one person who you know you can trust.

W/C: 2,369

Warnings: Implied cheating, angst, swearing

A/N: Hello! I wrote this for @sweetlyscared 's 1k celebration (congrats, it's well deserved!), prompt is in bold. I'm still pretty new to writing and this is my first true Angst fic so any and all reblogs/comments are super appreciated! Please check out my other stuff if you liked this fic!! Cheers!

PART TWO I Masterlist

____

The feeling of everything crashing around you was slow. Like your world was moving in slow motion as you processed the words. Everything else he was saying became distorted, going to waste as he tried desperately to explain himself to you. All you could hear clearly was your own breathing while you tried to will yourself to do something, anything.

Fight or flight is a funny thing, you were always so feisty and eager to fight back, A Bulldog, Steve had affectionately called you. But when he told you he was in love with someone else, that he has been in love with someone else for months, your body couldn’t find anything in it but to walk away.

Your breathing picked up and your eyes searched the ground, refusing to meet his. You felt your legs raise you up to stand and start walking away, unsure of your destination. When you pivoted to leave the room your eyes met his briefly, staring emotionlessly as his desperately searched for anything at all in yours.

“Where are you going? Doll, please, can we talk about this? I’m, I’m so sorry I-”

Whatever else he was saying wasn’t heard over the noise of opening the door and shutting it behind you. You didn’t know where you were going or what you were feeling other than the obvious. You were in a state of shock, it’s one thing to hear awful news and another to understand that it’s true but you were fastly approaching that truth head-on.

You paused for a moment in the hall and heard no movement come after you. You almost let yourself be surprised but he’d admitted he gave up on you a long time ago, so it only makes sense he wouldn’t fight your exit. You kept walking and tried to hold the floodgates of your heart closed for a bit longer.

Flashes of what was said come back to you slowly as reality sets in. “I can’t put this off any longer. I want you to know that I will always love you, but there’s someone else.”

Your head hurt like it would as if you were already crying, the blood pumping in your ears and pressure building in your temples that would no doubt evoke a long-standing headache. Your face felt hot as you stepped into the elevator, maybe you’d go for a walk in an attempt to fend off your tears. Or maybe you’d walk to a safer place to have an emotional breakdown. Whichever is easier.

Brisk gusts of air greet you as you exit the building, making you realize you left your jacket on the arm of the couch. You took a second to evaluate yourself and noticed you’d also walked out in your house slippers and a thin pair of leggings. Trying to evade the cold you tucked yourself in the doorway of a bodega down the street and dialed Bucky.

Two rings and he picked up.

“Hello?”

“Did you know?”

The silence on the line only reminds you of the blood pumping in your ears. The silence tells you everything you needed to know.

“Liste-”

You hang up.

You’re breathing even harder now. Who else knew? For how long? How long was I the joke? You need to find somewhere else to be soon or all these strangers are going to get an eyeful of a grown woman sobbing. You dial the last number you’d expect to at a time like this.

“What’s happening, shortstack?”

You can hear Tony’s grin through the phone and his easy greeting gives you momentary comfort.

“Can I come over? Something happened.”

“I’ll let Jarvis know to let you in” Tony’s tone is understanding, not needing you to explain further, just letting you know you can come to him.

____

Tony’s only seven blocks from yours and Steve’s shared apartment, a fact you’re grateful for when you feel your feet aching every time they hit the pavement. The conversation replays in your head, you try to word what happened in your head and your anger starts overtaking the heartbreak. It’s almost a welcome reprieve from the settling heartbreak but you’re not sure if you’d rather be numb to it completely.

When the elevator doors open Tony’s waiting for you with two tumblers of scotch in hand. You shake your head and move past him to the couch. He joins you on the opposite armchair and sets both his elbows down on his spread knees, resting his face in his hands.

“Would you like to talk about it or not talk about it?” He asks with a sigh.

You don’t make eye contact with him so you don’t cry, choosing to focus on the Iron Man coffee table book you’d gotten as a gag gift for Tony all those Christmases ago. It almost distracts you enough to laugh, the fact that he just has it out. But you need to tell someone what happened and get it all out before you can let yourself feel it all.

“Steveisinlovewithsomeoneelse,” You rushed it all out in one breath afraid if you didn’t get it out fast enough that you’d break. “He has been for months. He said he doesn’t know when it all changed but when he was with her things just clicked,” you paused to collect yourself, “But don’t worry, I’ll always hold a special place in his heart and he hopes this won’t affect the future of the team or our friendship.”

“Oh, and he’s really sorry.” you added.

You laughed bitterly and shook your head in disbelief. His delivery had been so cold but so sincere, very to the point but pained in its delivery. “I just, whatever we had, it’s just gone. Things are just different now, with her, this kills me though, please believe me. You’re still really special to me.” Bullshit. Special enough to act as a placeholder until someone better comes, special enough to cast aside.

You’re broken momentarily from your spiral into anger by the sound of a glass hitting a coaster a little too hard. Looking up, you find Tony quietly seething. He and Steve aren’t close by any means so you figured that he wouldn’t have known, it’s why you called him over anyone else.

He moves slowly to your side on the couch and pulls you into his side. You can smell his aftershave and what you think might be burned grease from one of the many things he’s been tinkering with in the lab, it smells like him, like comfort.

“That fucking asshole. Unbelievable, I don’t even…” He leaves the thought unfinished.

His hands move up and down your arms in a soothing motion and you finally let yourself have it. You don’t even realize you’re crying until you feel the tears wet his shirt when you bury your face in. You sniffle up tears and snot when your face heats up.

There’s no way to know how long Tony lets you sob into him, no doubt ruining his vintage Depeche Mode shirt. Somewhere in the back of your mind you make a mental note to buy him a new one later. But for now you’ll just allow yourself to cry and you can deal with the world in the morning.

____

Tony lets you fall asleep on his chest, feeling somewhere between furious and heartbroken by proxy. He thinks about letting you sleep and giving Steve a piece of his mind but figures that’s not what you need right now. Your phone sits on the table and he touches the screen to check the time. No notifications on your homescreen except for a missed call from Bucky and an old photo of Steve making a funny face as your background.

Had Steve not even tried to call you? Had he not even tried to go after you? Why was Bucky of all people the only one to be trying to get a hold of you? Prick.

Selfishly Tony is glad that he has a good reason to be rude to Steve now, he has to admit. You two had always been close but when you and Steve started dating he saw less and less of you. He couldn’t fault you for it though, you were so in love with Steve and you knew that the relationship between the two of them was strained so you kept your distance a bit.

He thought of all the sacrifices you’d made for Steve. You gave up your childhood home in the Bronx that your parents had willed to you to move in with him because he wanted you to be closer to the tower. You gave up a promotion and transfer to DC when you were still just an agent, granted you were an avenger now but it doesn’t matter, he’d made a very big deal out of you turning it down. You gave up the friendship the two of you had.

It was incredible, really. How much you had done for him only for him to turn around and love someone else behind your back. Brave enough to fight aliens and terrorists but too cowardly to break up with you and leave you with some dignity. Did anyone else know about this?

Tony had to stop himself from getting too angry, afraid he’d wake you up. So instead he went back to plotting up schematics for the half-finished suit mod he’d been in the middle of when you called.

____

It’s been a week and you still haven’t properly talked to Steve. After two days on Tony’s couch you need to look at things from a logical stance. Where am I going to stay? It’s not like you had your parent’s place anymore and you didn’t want to sign a new lease on an apartment. You could always move into the tower but that meant a higher chance of running into Steve.

You were thinking about all of this out loud to Tony when he offered you the guest bedroom in his penthouse. You were shocked, he’s always been a generous man but after you drifted apart from him you were surprised he even let you stay these past few days. Maybe now was a good time to rebuild your friendship with him and have some space from work.

What’s work going to be like? You agree and go on a temporary leave from the team, just a month to collect yourself. If you really wanted to you could go back but the thought of seeing everyone that knew about Steve’s affair was humiliating and enraging in one go.

It turns out Sam had been playing therapist to Steve in all of this, Nat figured it out through some sleuthing, and Wanda had inadvertently heard his thoughts about her. And none of them thought to tell you? To save you from the anguish but to let it fester? Steve wasn’t the only one that betrayed you. They all had.

What will I say to him? Should I say anything to him? Turns out the answer was ‘nothing’. You texted him to let him know you were moving out and you’d be by to get your things as a courtesy. You walked into an empty apartment and you were almost relieved.

He’d chosen to not be here but he’d left you a letter on the kitchen counter next to a framed photo of the two of you on vacation last year. You scoff but don’t touch the letter. Every ounce of restraint you have is being used as you leave it untouched. But you don’t need to know what excuses or apologies he has on deck, nothing he could say would exonerate him of his wrong-doings. You had no intentions of speaking to him but secretly you hoped he suffered as he stewed in his guilt and inner-turmoil. He deserves to.

When you pack you leave every gift he ever gave you, taking only what you’d brought with you in the first place. You take one look at the unmade bed and almost go to make it out of habit but then you think of the two of them there together. All the long missions you went on without him, all the times you stayed late at work or went out with your friends. How many times had he been here with her while you were there?

You end up only leaving with two suitcases and a backpack full of things. Tony waits for you in the lobby, understanding you wanted your space when you went to get your things in case Steve was there.

The elevator doors open to him taking a selfie with a couple of fans and shaking hands. He’s all too happy to be recognized but when he sees you his eyes soften. Not out of pity, but fondness, like he’s proud of you for getting out.

He sends you a questioning look with a silent question. Are you okay?

You smile at him and for the first time in days it’s a genuine, non-placating, happy-to-see-you smile. It’s okay, I’ll be okay.

He takes one of your suitcases from you and helps you load them into the back of the car before opening the door for you. The drive back to Tony’s is silent but comfortable. The trust you have in each other is strong and unspoken. Something you’ve always been grateful for between the two of you.

He doesn’t ask you about Steve or what happened, always letting you come to him first, which you appreciate. And when you talk he just listens. No bullshit unsolicited advice about moving on or how everything happens for a reason or getting back out there, just listens.

You know the road ahead is long and it will be difficult, but you have someone in your corner and the knowledge that what happened isn’t your fault and that you’re a badass and fuck Steve Rogers and fuck anyone else that did you wrong in all of this. Maybe you’ll forgive them someday but for now you’re gonna focus on you and work on building yourself back up. You’re ready for the ups and downs, you’re ready to fight.