#PLS A HOT THIEF NB

[chocoenvy]

villain au

but the reader decides "aight yknow what fuck it"

and just decides to go for a flirty thief with a tophat and cape kind of aesthetic

and they just

steal shit

and flirt with those that are the most angry at them

also adding the gold blood idea because yes

READER AS A HOT THIEF YES PLEASE

I may have gotten a bit carried away so there's some concept art under the cut lol (also I imagined reader having a skill tree and they unknowingly put all of their points into stealth so-)

warnings: blood, some torture (reader receiving), drawn golden blood

Your side hurt, your lungs hurt, your heart hurt. You could barely think. The gods were on your tail again. They hunted you and sought to kill you again and again and again and again.

It'd never stop. They'd never stop. You'd be hurting forever if you didn't do something. You could just... sit there... and accept death.

Ha, hell no. You wanted to watch them writhe in anger, wish they hadn't played games. Wish they were powerful enough to kill you.

So you disappeared. Teleported away with nothing left behind but tracks. It was during this time you honned your stealth and thievery skills. It started small, with some food and water - you were dying after all. Then it started getting bigger, you started accumulating clothes and cloth to make clothes.

Stealing the basics first, a mask and a big hat to not get recognized easily. A better cloak you had sewn a primogem onto and you'd fashioned some primogems into earrings. A small fuck you to the gods to show you'd never wish for any of them again.

Then you went for the bigger fish. You stole weapons. Replacing all of their weapons with one stars, all of those that had hurt you were stripped of their artifacts as well. You put them in your own arsenal. Though, you preffered your daggers as you had fully adopted the theivery act.

The artifacts you had merely gone to the character screen to steal, but for the weapons...

You went in person.

You could see their blood boiling as you appeared from seemingly nowhere. At first, the gods were confused.

"Who are you!" Ei had demanded.

"Aw you don't remember me?" Your smile was damning, "Let me paint a picture, Wolvendom, cornering a scared human between three wrathful gods and Andrius. Then, they dissapeared."

The recognition that dawned on their faces was just the beginning of your sweet revenge.

"It's you! The heretic!" Venti shouted, his face twisted into a seething anger.

The three immediately went to attack you, but you'd dodged at an almost inhuman speed.

"Barbie doll, I'd stop jumping to violence if you wanna keep you lyre der hymmel in one piece." You grinned like a cat, "Well, you've already nearly broken it-"

"How'd you get that?" Venti gasped, his bow lowered.

You giggled, "Now you're lowering your weapon? Not when I was helpless and stared at Mondstat with wonder-?"

"Nobody gives a shit about your sob story just answer the question!" Venti snarled, his bow raised again.

You sighed and shrugged, "How'd the traveler and you get it the first time? I snuck in, though the fatui didn't interrupt me."

Venti's breath was stolen, "How do you know about that-"

"Oh! Look at the time! Seems I'm gonna be keeping this, see you later loves!" You made half a heart with your hand whilst you hurridly teleported away. Spears and arrows penetrating the ground where you had stood.

Another time, you had decided to have a bit of fun with Sara.

"How do you run in those shoes babe?" You had appeared beside her, curiously tilting your head.

"Wha- You!" She'd drawn her bow and aimed it at you.

You held up your hands, "Woah! No need to get so angry so quickly. You're reminding me of Ei you know." You pouted.

"Who's Ei- nevermind. I won't listen to the words of a heretic like you." She sneared and let go of her arrow. It whizzed past you and you just barely dodged, seeming to dissappear for a moment before reappearing next to her.

"But seriously, how the hell do you walk in those? Can I try them on?" You smiled innocently as Sara opted to just attempt to stab you with the arrow.

"Jeez! You and your archons really have no chill!" You huffed, dusting your clothes off.

"Soldiers! Surround them!" Sara ordered.

You sighed, but just as you were about to teleport away a bolt of lightning struck the ground near you and with it, the mussou no isshin slashed you just past your shoulder. The cut wasn't that deep, but it still hurt like hell due to the lightning embued into it. It caused convulsions to overcome your body and you crumpled to your knees.

"Can't teleport away now can you?" The cold voice of the Raiden Shogun - no, that was Ei - sparkled through the air.

"Fuck." You huffed, holding your shoulder.

A hand knocked your hat off and grabbed your hair, forcefully lifting you up to meet the face of Ei. More strikes of lightning struck you and your body convulsed.

"What do you have to say heretic?" Ei held her sword up to your throat, "Now that you've been caught and shall now face divine punishment."

You puffed for air, "What... did I ever do... but try to be happy... with the face I have?"

Ei didn't like that answer. She pulled her sword back and you shut your eyes tight as another round of lightning struck your body. Your arms went limp and uncovered your arm just as blood drippled down your nose.

She gasped and let you go. All at once, the pain of lightning and being held up by your hair dissappeared as you crumpled to the floor, breathing heavily.

Ei's hands shook as she dropped her weapon and carefully picked your injured body back up. She looked to your face, your half-lidded eyes, eyebrows and lips drawn back in pain, golden blood dribbling down your nose and shoulder.

"Haha," You giggled, a mad grin on your face, "Hahaha! That's the- that's the softest anyone has been to me."

Ei's heart broke, Sara could barely stand and dropped to her knees. You reached your hand up to Ei's face, cupping it.

You grinned, though your eyes shone with golden flecks of hate, "I hope those months of me terrorizing you was hell, and I hope this is worse." You made half a heart with one of your hands.