#PR is only what we don't like 👍

[racew1nn3rs]

─ 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘷. (𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴) 🐅

⤷ summary: spain and canada. lando's rizz is negative, mission is failed. plus, mclaren pr is about to fuck shit up 🗣️

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liked by ynusername, zbrownceo, and 42,908 others

mclaren spain you were forgettable at best 😔 on to the next one

18,980 others

user1 y/n don't insult your team on the team account challenge

mclaren is it really an insult if it's true

user2 we got a lando photo but at what cost

user3 lando fans can never win here

mclaren why you would ever choose to be a lando fan to begin with is beyond me

user2 you're so right queen i'm sorry

landonorris DON'T APOLOGIZE WTF

user2 fuck both of y'all honestly

user4 at least mclaren fans can always count on content, even if we can't expect results 😭

user5 lando and y/n in their friendship era, how the fuck did we get here

landonorris you're posting me now? oh you want me so bad 🥴

mclaren sending this to hr immediately

ynusername YOU'RE FIREEEDDDDDDD

user6 damn she logged into both accounts just to make sure he heard her ass 💀 double homicide

user7 oscar fans i can't even tell if we won or lost

user8 we didn't get a face pic but... we didn't get whatever the fuck the 3rd slide is

landonorris guys pLEASE

landonorris i won't post it she says... it's just for me she says

user9 LMAOOOO AND YOU BELIEVED HER???? 🤣 🫵

landonorris going dark, no one call me

user9 was anyone going to anyways 💀

user10 LET HIM GET UPPPP

oscarpiastri i'll pay you 20 dollars if you don't ever do this to me

mclaren 🤝

mclaren i mean you were never the target but now you will be if i don't get my money!!!!

oscarpiastri oh ok

lilyzneimer i have pictures you can you use if you need bb <3

oscarpiastri WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON

zbrownceo Very funny Y/n! Keep up the good work 👍

mclaren Thanks boss! (:

landonorris ZAK WHY

user11 zak is so supportive now, wait until he sees her comments 💀

zbrownceo I have seen her comments! Very funny! 👍

user11 blink twice zak, we can help you

maxverstappen1 This is the highlight of my week, thank you Y/n!

mclaren hey max verstappen of redbull racing! not sure if you heard but you did win the grand prix this weekend

maxverstappen1 No i know, this is just definitely better.

ynusername where's my photo credits 🫵

mclaren my bad bbg 😍

user12 nurse she got out again

oscarpiastri we'll win next time!!

mclaren who told you that 🤨

oscarpiastri the voices in my head

logansargeant you hold on bro, we'll find your meds soon

user13 i think moto moto likes you ahh image

user14 i need to shrink him and put him in my pocket and keep him there

user15 which one?

user14 lando

landonorris nuh uh, pick again

maxfewtrell you can't post pictures without consent mate

mclaren i didn't??

landonorris i didn't consent.

mclaren who are you gonna believe max? me? or the solid concrete evidence in front of you

user16 he looks like he can do some crazy tricks on a trampoline

landonorris this is the only comment about myself that hasnt made me viscerally angry

oscarpiastri unfortunately i feel the opposite

user17 lany/n at it again

user18 literally what the fuck do you mean

user17 if you dont get it, i can't explain it to you

user18 okay cryptic ass, fuck you 🙄

user19 they're in love guys, just wait and see

user20 yall just love saying stupid shit on this page huh

user19 i hate getting accused of some shit i actually do 😡 like yeah i do love that but who told you

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user20 op be so fr right now

user21 everytime one of these illiterate f1 drivers pulls one of the hottest women on earth a fairty dies

user21 *fairy

user22 fairty

user21 you shut the fuck up 🫵

user23 people when coworkers are seen together at their place of work

user24 do you hug your coworkers and follow them like a lost puppy when you could be on a break

user23 wtf no

user24 EXACTLY MF, THIS IS NOT COWORKERS BEING COWORKERS

user25 history will say they were just colleagues 😔

opeightywon this shit is a national tragedy

user26 every time i see a post like this i think about the fact that she has probably seen this and i shiver

user27 honestly praying on their downfall

opeightywon wtf

user28 lando fans be normal challenge

user27 idgaf about that white man, she's just too hot for him 😕

opeightywon oh yeah real

user29 i need another youtube video where they stare at each other longingly again asap or i fear i may start having withdrawal symptoms

user30 another hot girl lost to an average white man's swagless looks and cringe fail personality i feel sick

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liked by landonorris, lilyzneimer, and 44,786 others

mclaren not our best results in canada but we improved i guess 🙄 but on a much better, more exciting note: NEW MCLAREN YOUTUBE CHALLENGE OUT GO GO GO GO

17,998 comments

user31 my crops are watered, my skin is clear, my funds are tripled

mclaren all me 😮‍💨

user32 "yay challenge video" we all cry in unison

user33 OSCAR FANS IS IT REAL??? HAS IT COME TRUE??? IS THAT A FACE PIC I SEE

user34 and it's good quality too 🤩 what did we do to deserve this

mclaren you don't, but oscar bought me coffee all weekend

oscarpiastri yes i bribed her, i feel no shame

user35 lando's back in the dog house bro, he's back to no face pics

user36 but look at his beautiful brown eyes

mclaren babe they're greenish blue with the TINIEST bit of brown 💀

user37 how long you gotta stare at a man's eyes to know the exact paint blend 🫵

user38 DOWN HORRENDOUSSSSSS

lilyzneimer insert comical heart eyes here

mclaren flirting with your man 🤢 on MY cellular device

lilyzneimer my bad bb, he doesn't mean anything to me anyways 🥴

oscarpiastri ok what the fuck

danielricciardo DROP THE CAMERA SETTINGS AND MY LIFE IS YOURS

mclaren check dms 🤲

danielricciardo thanks love you're the best

landonorris LOVE??? LMAOOOO

user39 bro is losing the dgaf war MISERABLY

user40 the way lando is staring at her the whole time she's behind the camera 😫 oh he's not even down bad, bro's down under

landonorris can i get the camera settings

mclaren has anyone ever told you how good you are at photography?? i'm not saying that, i'm just asking 😀

landonorris oKAY fuck you.

user41 the way she doesn't even pretend to care about the results

landonorris i know 🙄

mclaren i know p13 is nawttt talking back to me right now

user41 OHHH SHE ATE YOU UP HUH

landonorris y'all are some fake ass fans fr

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8:57 PM.

Y/n stared at the flashing numbers on the digital clock in the boardroom and huffed quietly. The table in front of her was covered in a mix of shredded mozzarella cheese and vibrant, red pizza sauce. Flour with evidence of handprints and bits of pizza dough decorated the wood and the woman internally sighed at the thought of clean up. Eventually she would have to get back to work.

Lando was on his phone across the table from her, and she fought the urge to stare at him. Oscar had left a while ago, having an earlier flight than them out of Canada. Lando and her had made the executive decision to stay and finish the pizza the two men had made during the "not my hands" YouTube challenge. It was messy, and didn't fully resemble a proper pizza, but it tasted good enough if not a little bit burnt. The two had been sitting in a comfortable silence for the time being while they ate.

In the time Y/n had gotten to know the British man, both on and off the track, she found herself warming up to him considerably. He was kinder than she gave him credit for at the beginning of the season, and far funnier. She could see now that more often than not he spoke without thinking or having any consideration, and maybe he was more than a little bit arrogant, but he also felt things deeply and cared passionately.

Before she could think about what she was doing, Lando's eyes met hers and he smirked. Y/n's face burned but she rolled her eyes at him and took another bite of their burnt pizza. Her ears caught the sound of him placing his phone on the table, and when she looked up again he was leaning his body across the table and toward her instead.

"What are you staring at? Hm?" He teased and she scoffed.

"You," she started and took another bite of her pizza, "have pizza sauce all over your face, you idiot. And I'm just thinking, not sure if you're familiar with the concept." He grabbed a napkin quickly and began wiping rapidly at his chin and mouth, and even his nose. She couldn't help but laugh loudly. There was nothing on his face. He was perfect actually. Unfortunately.

"Did I get it? Why didn't you tell me sooner, traitor!" She doubled over but nodded anyways.

"What are you thinking about?" he questioned as he settled back down.

"Just the season, you and Oscar," she muttered.

"Me? Thinking of little ol' me when I'm right here in front of you," she rolled her eyes with a groan.

"You have selective hearing Lando," he laughed and nodded.

"Well what have you thought about it? The season I mean. And myself of course, don't care much what you think about Osc," he leaned on his hand and stared at her intently. Y/n couldn't help that being stared at by Lando felt a little bit like being ocean, being pulled and pushed by the moon's gravity. Her brain didn't work properly around him.

Or maybe I'm just really dramatic and he's just hot, she thought miserably, Probably the latter.

"I just think maybe you and me got off on the wrong foot," she said as she fumbled with the lid of her water bottle, "and I think that maybe I enjoy this job a lot more than I thought I would." The comments seemed to sober Lando's mood up slightly.

Maybe I shouldn't have been truthful. Maybe it shouldn't have been that serious.

"What did you think of me?" He asked quietly. "When you met me I mean."

"Do you want me to be honest?" He looked at her quizzically.

"Of course I want you to be honest Y/n, or I wouldn't have asked."

"I thought you were kind of an asshole," she whispered and he laughed.

"So the beef was real for you," he smiled slightly and she let her face fall gently into her hands.

"Yeah," she breathed out a laugh, "yeah maybe a little."

"Doesn't seem like a little," he goaded and she shot him a glare.

"Okay Lord Lando, maybe more than a little," he pointed at her triumphantly.

"AHA! So it was the instagram comment. I thought you knew I was kidding," A loud groan filled the room as she smacked her head on the table. Lando's giggling could probably be heard down the hall but Y/n found she didn't care all that much anymore.

"It wasn't just the instagram comment," she defended weakly. There was a brief silence as Lando stared into space and shook his head.

"Wow... I can't believe you were actually mad at me and I just didn't know."

"It wasn't that big of a deal I guess, I just felt like you didn't really take me seriously."

"Well I mean you're not a very serious person," Y/n's heart fell to her stomach.

"What?" She asked, staring at him. She couldn't have heard him right.

"Well it's just that you're not very serious are you? Like since I met you, it's never felt like you were a serious sort of person." He added as if that was some sort of defense.

As if that isn't more hurtful.

"You're not like Zak or Andrea, or really anyone else here you know? You're just you, you're different. It was hard to be serious with you here because that's just who you are." He continued.

God just shut up, please for the love of God just shut up.

"This is my place of work Lando," she muttered bitterly. "I mean do you hear yourself." His eyes widened and he put his hands out placatingly. Like she was some sort of rabid animal he needed to calm down.

"No no no," he muttered quickly and stood up to round the table, "that's not what I meant Y/n, you know that."

"Stop Lando, just stop," she said as she began to clear off the table.

Why did she expect him to be different. What made her think he could've changed.

"You made it perfectly clear what you mean. What you think of me and of my work, my career" she spit out, swiping everything on the table into the trash. They hadn't finished eating the pizza and now it was in the bin, but Lando didn't deserve to eat the pizza she helped him make. He didn't deserve to be here at all. He wasn't her friend, he was her coworker and nothing else. It was better she accept that now.

"You misunderstood what I said," he grabbed her arm to stop her from cleaning and she whipped it out of his grasp.

"Stop Lando," she said raising her voice. She knew her eyes were teary but she didn't care. She knew her face was red with embarrassment and her hands were shaking with the force of her humiliation but she didn't care. Lando Norris could go fuck himself.

He looked at her in shock and winced as he saw her face. She steeled herself. She had never cried over a man before, why would she do it now.

"You need to leave, you have a flight in the morning," she said emotionlessly. "And I have to clean so I can go home." He tried to speak and she put her hand up, stepping away from him.

"Get out please, you're in my way," she said and his brows scrunched. He was angry? Good, so was she.

"I'm in your way?" He asked incredulously, as if she didn't have any reason to be upset. "You're not even going to hear me out?" He scoffed.

"No Lando, I don't have time for this. I have a job to do and you're in my way," she said emphasizing the words as if speaking to a child. His face fell. He looked angry.

"Whatever Y/n. What fucking ever," he muttered, grabbing his bag and storming out. Y/n waited. Footsteps in the hallways continued until a far off door slammed.

Y/n wilted like an unwatered plant as tears began to fall.

So much for friends.

She knew deep down she was hurt about much more than just friendship.

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this is the second to last chapter of part one! i hope you enjoy! please feel free to comment and send requests, i'm excited to hear your thoughts <3

-

𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666

[cockkette]

summer lovin’

lando norris x reader

warnings - somewhat chaotic lando and reader, mentions of pregnancy, insinuation of smut, some swearing, i think that’s it xoxo

face claims - girls on pinterest

y/n.l/n

liked by landonorris, yourbestfriend and 193,982 others

y/n.l/n: patiently waiting for the summer break 🙃🌊

comments

landonorris: i miss you baby 🧡

y/n.l/n: aww i miss you too baby

user1: they are so cute

landonorris: i miss that fat ass too 😏

liked by y/n.l/n

user1: i spoke too soon

user2: every night i pray for a normal lando and y/n interaction and everyday my prayers are denied

liked by mclaren

user3: lando is one of god's favorites y/n is so fine

user4: alexa play that should be me by justin beiber

user5: tbh i don't know who i want to be more

user6: B O A F boaf

mclaren: please bring lando back in one piece

y/n.l/n: no promises xx

user7: sending my thoughts and prayers to the mclaren pr team during the summer break

liked by mclaren

y/n.l/n: you can't blame me he has me so down bad i think i'm getting withdrawal symptoms

oscarpiastri: nurse she's out again

y/n.l/n: boo👎👎

user8: woof woof bark bark

landonorris: that's my job

user9: petition to save y/n from this loser

liked by yourbestfriend

y.n/l/n

liked by landonorris, mclaren and 252,099 others

tagged : landonorris

y/n.l/n: date nights are the best nights 🌅

comments

landonorris: the best way to start summer break, i couldn't think of anyone else i would rather have with me 🧡

y/n.l/n: ha you 'like' like me loser 🤣👉

landonorris: i take it back

y/n.l/n: 👎

user10: y/n is so real for that

user11: the only relationship ever

user12: they are my parents they just don't know it

user13: the fits always go hard

landonorris: you know it

oscarpiastri: please don't feed his ego

user14: oscar is so sick of his bs

mclaren: we all are

user15: LANY/N SUMMER BREAK CONTENT!!!

lilymhe: i miss you!

landonorris: you facetimed her 2 hours ago

lilymhe: SHUT UP

y/n.l/n: SHUT UP (affectionately)

landonorris: aww you love me 😁😁

liked by y/n.l/n

francisca.cgomes: is that portugal!

y/n.l/n: yep you convinced me!

liked by francisca.cgomes

user16: she's so fine 🤭

landonorris: yes she is and she's mine

y/n.l/n: cutie <3

user17: when will it be my turn

lando.priv

liked by y/n.l/n, danielricciardo and 42 others

tagged: y/n.l/n

lando.priv: date nights are fun but so is a night in

comments

carlossainz55: mate..

y/n.l/n: 🤭🤭

liked by lando.priv

maxverstappen1: i think it's time to put the phone away

charles_leclerc: i agree

lando.priv: haters

maxverstappen1: correct 👍

oscarpiastri: this is better than actually hearing it from the drivers room ig

y/n.l/n: soz babes xoxo

danielricciardo: goooo landooo 💪💪

lando.priv: finally some support, it's hard out here guys

carlossainz55: i bet it was

landonorris

liked by y/n.l/n, yourbestfriend and 538,299 others

tagged: y/n.l/n

landonorris: happy anniversary to the prettiest, kindest and smartest girl, i have spent 3 years loving you and i know i will spend the rest of my life loving you 💕

comments

y/n.l/n: i'm not crying you are

landonorris: darling i can hear you from the kitchen

y/n.l/n: get over here then!!

landonorris: sprinting over right now

y/n.l/n: good x

user17: walk him like a dog

georgerussell63: mate i'm getting whiplash from the difference between this post and your private post

landonorris: i'm a man of many talents

y/n.l/n: he really is

georgerussell63: you both disgust me 🤮

user18: GEORGE WHAT DO YOU KNOW

user19: screaming crying throwing up i love them your honour!!

user20: same but i'm screaming without the s looking at y/n

lilymhe: real

alex_albon: LILY!?

user21: lily is one of us

liked by lilymhe and y/n.l/n

y/n.l/n: i can't wait to spend the rest of my life showing you how much i love you, how proud of you i am and how super hot you are 💕💕

landonorris: fuck sake now i'm crying

landonorris: i am super hot though

user22: i knew they couldn't be wholesome for that long

y/n.l/n: what can i say it's part of our charm 🙃

user23: i need y/n's whole wardrobe rn!

y.n/l/n posted two stories

y/n.l/n

liked by landonorris, lilymhe and 158,890 others

y/n.l/n: great food and the best company!

comments

landonorris: i helped make the food btw 💪

olivernorris1: no... you just watched

landonorris: it's called moral support!

user24: at least he tried...

savnorris: lovely to see you darling, the girls have been asking for auntie y/n all day 😂

y/n.l/n: lovely to see you too! i miss them so much they are adorable!

user25: AUNTIE Y/N ARE YOU KIDDING

user26: THAT IS SO CUTE

flonorris1: i already miss you

y/n.l/n: i miss you too 💕

landonorris: girlfriend stealer 😠

flonorris1: stop being jealous that someone else had her attention for more than 2 seconds 🙄

landonorris: no.

user27: he's literally a child 🤣🤣

liked by flonorris1

user28: lando arguing with half of his family in the comments is taking me out

user29: norris family dinners seem so fun

y/n.l/n: they are!

lando.priv

liked by y/n.l/n, oscarpiastri and 38 others

tagged: y/n.l/n

lando.priv: your so hot have my babies please 🙏🙏🙏

comments

georgerussell63: you're getting blocked mate

y/n.l/n: if you insist...

lando.priv: hehehehe

y/n.l/n: nevermind that made me feel ill

lando.priv: sorry i let the dawg out 💔💔

alex_albon: the thought of mini landos is stressing me out

y/n.l/n: i think they would be cute 🫣

lando.priv: will be*

charles_leclerc: my children are on this app please stop this madness

oscarpiastri: thank you for speaking out

olliebearman: i'm scared dad

y/n.l/n

liked by yourbestfriend, landonorris and 328,912 others

tagged: landonorris

y/n.l/n: a staycation to end the summer break with my love

comments

landonorris: who is that absolute stunner on the last slide 🫦

y/n.l/n: idk he's pretty hot though do you think i could get his number

landonorris: yeah he totally likes you 😉

user30: ahhh they are so cute it's not fair

user31: i cannot wait for the wags to be reunited

user32: fr we need more wag content

yourbestfriend: i can't wait for summer break to be over so you will spend your time with me instead of him xxx

liked by y/n.l/n

landonorris: noooo

user33: the f1 world has never seen a better rivalry than these two

user34: lando and 'yourbestfriend' are my verstappen and hamilton

maxverstappen1: understandable

lewishamilton: i can't disagree with that

mclaren: we can't wait to see you both back in the paddock 🧡

y/n.l/n: i got a new papaya coloured dress especially for the occasion

landonorris: this isn't fair you look so good in it i won't be able to concentrate on the race 🫦

y/n.l/n: shut up 🤭

user35: what is lando doing in the last picture 🤣

alex_albon: he worries me

georgerussell: he's my sleep paralysis demon

y/n.l/n: he's a cutie leave him alone!

landonorris: yeah!

landonorris: my girlfriend is so hot

y/n.l/n: my boyfriend is so hot

landonorris: 🥰

user36: he is so down bad it's getting embarrassing

landonorris posted a story

this story has been deleted

a/n - thank you for reading i hope you enjoyed! i’m thinking of doing a part two so any feedback or suggestions would be fab <3

[bloodyymaryyy]

Gossip girl xoxo

F1 grid x driver reader

This is part 2!

part 1/ part 3 /part 4 /masterlist

Side note : help this is not in correct chronological order it's like moments leading up to the first part. This took way too long and I can't be bothered to fix it properly so bare with me

Texts

Maxie

You: did you see...?

Maxie

Yeah.... You were right it was true... Now what?.

You : I don't know this is getting awkward especially now on the paddock that we have the races... Do you think he is gonna show up?

Maxie

I don't know, although we can't avoid it we have to face the music soon tho.

You : I am not ready for that

Media is gonna be fucked up.

Maxie

Oh believe me it's gonna be shit, I don't think I will last long before headbutting someone honestly

You : me too I won't last long

Fucking hell

What now? Are we gonna ignore it or?

Maxie

Maybe it's best we don't talk about it. Especially here

You :

You are right let's meet up.

🧍‍♀️👉🏡🤷‍♀️🧍‍♂️👉🏡?

Maxie

🧍‍♀️👈🏡

👉⏱️.

🍔🍟 Or 🍝🍤

You

🥇

Maxie

👍

Before that chaos you were told by Pierre that Lewis was moving to Ferrari in a year that he was told by Charles.

Which that should have been secret until announced by the teams but it's nice to know things... That was something interesting.

....

At Lewis apartment complex

*Puzzing *" Nico! Can you please open the door for me?!"

"Why? " Nico answered from the phone

"uhh I came to see you and the girls!" she made a face at that coming with a lie but not really a lie, she did missed Nico and the girls but she came here to confront Lewis about him leaving Mercedes for Ferrari

There was a moment of silence until his voice came again on the phone

"Sure" that was it the buzzing that opened the door came through and she pushed the door open and come up to his apartment, he was waiting for her to come up with his girls with him. The girls jumped to her, hugging her and welcoming her inside, taking off her shoes she came to Nico next and kisses his cheeks crossed and his wife hugging them for a bit and they started to talk about everything.

After a few hours she left and went to Lewis's apartment knocking loudly at the door. When the door opened and revealed Lewis standing there with gray sweatpants and sweater with his hair unbraided Roscoe at his feet wagging his tail seeing her after quite a bit of time he launched himself at her and she kneeled down petting him and scratching him on his back, under his head and belly making him lay down and smile getting his belly scratches.

" Lewis we have to talk" she finally spoke

" Well first of all, how did you get here?" he asked surprised

"Nico opened the door for me!" there was a pause " don't change the subject! Are you going to Ferrari in 2025?!" she exclaimed

" uh I can't tell you that... Sorry"

" Just tell me why?... Are you retiring? Oh no... Are you? You are returning after that aren't you? God!" she then started to tear up and rant about it the only thing he could do is make her stand up and walked her at the couch while she was having a mental breakdown.

Then there was lando leaked asking for nudes and honestly she learned that from TikTok, she was scrolling down on her for you page while getting her food a bit cooled down and a slideshow popped up about the situation and there was her appetite

Texts

Landinio

You :

Lando!

Lando get the fuck off of my fyp you idiot

Why am I seeing your texts on TikTok?

Landinio

What do you mean?

What texts?

Y/n?

You:

You asking for 😰🤮.... 🍜

Eww I did not want to see that!?

Oh BTW are you okay? Did you not know or?

Are you stupid? Honestly it's a bit ridiculous to leak texts from 2020...

N e way....

Landinio

Wtf?! Why are my cringe text on the open?! From 2020 especially then! I was stupid!

Fuck me...

IT'S NOT MY FAULT THEY GOT LEAKED WTF DO YOU MEAN?!?

Oh pr is gonna kill me fuck

Lmk if you want another part!

[i-cant-sing]

YAAALLLLL THIS MAN IS SO WHIPPED FOR ME(idk for sure but u guys tell me) AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW ME?????

So basically some random dude called me, he doesn't know me or has even seen me or even knows my name, and idk him either. He claims that he was randomly dialing a phone number and dialed mine because he wants to be friends (friends here means dating). I already know this is completely BS so I hung up on him, but after a few more calls from him, I decided to humor him.

So I gave him a fake name and a fake age and a fake career and like I'm telling this man that I am lying for most part and he's like "but why???🥺 I've been nothing but honest to you" and I'm like boy idk u and I don't wanna know u and I don't even trust u or ever will wanna be in a relationship with you. Cause I took a brief interview and he told me that he's 28 (but he sounds like he's 32, maybe 35), his highest level of education is 12 grade and he's working as a "programmer" at a small company (I think it's a clerk job because he calls me during his tea breaks, and then in the evening).

Anyways, he's like "come on, just give me a chance. What's the worst that could happen???" And I'm like no. And somehow the convo went from him trying pursue me to me telling him to go pray to the Lord (like real religious stuff) for help with his career (because I told him that I can't settle for a man who's not smart enough, pr rich enough or handsome enough) and then it went to me telling him to read some of my favourite novels.

Yall won't believe me when I tell u that this man researched fav book (after he figured it out that i took my fake name from that book) and he's proceeded to tell me the whole summary??? And like we've talking for the past 3 days? And everh single time, he asks "do I have a chance with you?" And I give a resounding NO. But I don't stop there, no no. He asked me reason for rejection and I GAVE HIM A WHOLE ASS LIST THAT WAS BORDERLINE MEAN LIKE-

You're wayyyy less educated. I bet you're not even street smart.

You're poor.

We are not in the same city.

You're not handsome (he said he was 6 ft tall, athletic build because he wakes up to run at 5 every morning, and he said his complexion was darkish)

Told him he must have something wrong with him, either the way he talks or looks or treats other woman that no woman in real life wants to be "friends" with him.

My parents would never approve, neither would my "8 brothers", my unckes would kill him.

You get the gist, right???

But he did not give up. He's like calling me up and asking "so what did you do today? What's your fav food? Hobbies?" And I'm like sir we are not at all compatible. I even went as far to tell him "I have a very bad temper. I am very high maintenance. I don't dress modestly. I dont cook. I have a lot of male friends, etc etc" things that were lies and would piss off most people.

But he's like "and???? I'll bear your wrath. I'll maintain you."

And I'm like???? What is he upto?

Anyways, everytime he'd ask me if I'd give him a chance, I'd tell him we are absolutely not compatible, especially because of his lack of education and he's like "so a man needs to be highly educated to date you? Why? Just because you're a doctor, does that mean only doctors can date doctors??" And I said, idk about others but that's my preference. And you know what he said??

"You should've been a butcher instead of a doctor, because you're really good at butchering up my heart🥺" HAHAHAHAHHAHA WHAT IS THIS GUY???

Girl I even pretended to be mad at him at the end of day 2 call, even though I was laughing at his jokes the whole time. Like I pretended to be mad at some of the jokes he made at my expense, just so that he'd leave me alone. I TOLD HIM TO NOT CALL ME BECAUSE I WONT PICK UP and as I was hanging up, he BEGGING and saying he was sorry, that he doesn't know what exactly he said was wrong but he's sorry.

I hang up, he calls a 2 more times before stopping. And I'm like " 👍 great, that's finished."

And the next day, he called me in the afternoon, but I was dead asleep. Then he called me again today in the morning, during his tea break and I picked up for the hell of it, and he started off apologising again and I pretended to just sigh and told him to just drop it.

And he's like "Okay... so how are you? What are you doing? Oh you just finished up with a patient? Oh, so what did you think about me?" And I said "I don't think about you. And I never will. You have a better chance with someone else than with me." And he's like "but I want you. You're sweet and kind and you speak in a gentle tone-" and I'm like THIS IS NOT A GENTLE TONE???

And anyways, he was like so did you eat? I told him no, I haven't ate since yesterday (which is true because I was sleeping non stop after class) and he's like "Oh no! Please do eat, how can u treat patients if you don't eat???" And I'm like alright, I need to go cause I have a surgery to watch (I did not, I am at home). And he said okay, make sure u eat something before u drop dead.

And then he called me again in the afternoon and he was like "so what up? How are u? What are u doing?" And I said I'm at work,have a massive headache and I'm studying (which I actually was) and he's like "BROO???? YOU STILL HAVENT EATEN??? WHY?" and I'm like (get in character) "cause I'm at work. Hospital food is nasty." And he's like "then order something???" And I'm like "No, I can't leave my ward to go fetch food." And he's like "Well it's not like u have told me where you work or live or what city you are in, otherwise I would've delivered some food to you!" And I'm like "really? You would've delivered food to me during your work?" And he's like "I WOULDVE FED YOU WITH MY HANDS!" anyways the convo was short because I needed to actually study so I said bye, but not before him telling me to please eat something.

Anyways, couple of hours later, he calls me again and is like "Hey, you free? I'm gonna get off work soon." And I was like yeah, and we started talking again and the convi revolved mostly around him trying to make me reveal some stuff about myself, I told him no. He's like "that's not fair. I tell u everything true about me." I said that's your choice, idk u. And he was like "u home yet? Did u eat something?" And i was like yeah, i had a cup of coffee at work, now im studyung again and he like loses his mond more "WHY HAVENT YOU EATEN? YOU WILL DIE?" and im like no, im too tired to eat and hes like "is it because youre at mad at me? Or at soemone else? Cause why else would u be skipping meals? Did someone say somwthing to you?" And i was like "no. I do have bad temper though, so if you were to piss me off, i would turn quiet and not talk to you for days" AND GUESS WHAT HE SAID????

"No, not the silent treatment. You can argue, you can yell at me, anything, just don't stop talking." And I'm like DUDEE???????

And then suddenly i remembered I should make him reveal how he got my number because it certainly can't be a coincidence THAT SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE HIM ALSO DIALED MY NUMBER (he was looking for another girl he was stalking but did not belive me when I said I'm not her. Maybe he did, but then he said okay then who are u cause I like u too. I blocked him lol). And I was like, he's gonna keep up with initial lie "i randomly dialed ur number" so I was like I'm gonna ask where he is from, like what city. And he was like "I'm not telling u because u don't tell me where u are from. So its not fair." Which is true but I needed him to answer. So I was like "Alright well, I gotta go." in a dismissive tone which he picked up on. Cause the next second he went on "Hey, hey. Are you mad at me? Look, I'm sorry. But just- please eat something. I gotta get back to work. You'll eat something right?"

And I said "ill eat when u tell me where you live."(like the city, not the whole address)

And he's like "aw come on, don't do that. That's blackmail-"

Me: "Okay, well goodbye."

Him: "no! NO GOOD BYE- I promise I'll tell u everything IF YOU promise to eat and tell me where you're from."

Me: I'm not gonna tell u where I'm from

Him: is that fair?

Me: no. You're right, it's not fair. So, you should go look for someone who will be fair with you. Bye.

Him: wait, wait- don't hang up!

I hang up. He calls again, I don't pick up. The second time he calls, I pick up (cause I'm putting him on the spot and he needs to break under pressure)

Me: yes?

Him: look, I promise I'll tell u everything on the next call if you promise to eat now.

Me: ill eat after u tell me.

Him: look, you're punishing me but this is harming you too! You should eat something. You haven't had anything since morning-

Me: okay, I have to get back to studying. You go back to your important work. Bye.

I hang up again. He calls, i pick up.

Me: yes?

Him: stop hanging up on me! Just- just promise that you'll eat something. I swear I'll tell u everything, all of your questions. I don't wanna lie to you.

Me: tell me now. And don't lie, God is watching.

Him: I know God is watching. But I tell you later-

Me: okay, you need to go back to your work-

Him: I DONT! I LEFT THE OFFICE TO TALK TO YOU. I GOT LIKE 20-25 MINUTES TO TALK TO YOU-

Me: then answer my question.

Him: girl just listen to me-

Me: goodbye then. I actually need to study and pray. Have fun at work.

I hang up.

Now he's gonna call again when he returns from work. Now what do u guys think is going on with this Wattpad character? Is he trying to scam me out of money?

Also, just to be clear before anyone of u cause me of leading him on, I specifically told him and tell him on every call that him and I are never gonna happen and that he should stop wasting his time. He's the one who always calls.

[dairy-farmer]

I've seen it done exactly once in an ABO fic but it was GRIPPING and I think you'd love it? And this is just my take on the themes/troupes cause "Nice~👍🎉💖"? Vaguely Gothic Horror but Modern Bats! Mixed with a Civilian Tim Au! Where Tim doesn't know Bruce is batman. Oh sure he knows the Brucie Mask is fake as hell, has since he was super tiny, but NOT what he's hiding! What ANY of them are.

And the Bats are urban legends, the wealthy scoff, you don't REALLY believe there is some sort of Bat Creature running around Gotham? (Wayne tech makes the finest video scrambling tech not on the market. It will never BE on the market.) Tim of course knows there IS, but really... since his parents died? He's more concerned with keeping Drake Industries afloat. People don't have a lot of confidence in young teenage CEOs. Or even barely legal CEOs.

He's been swamped. Yet Brucie "I basicly OWN half of Gotham yet everyone thinks I'm a harmless himbo" Wayne has been religiously sending him invites to every event he hosts. As though Tim wouldn't have been eaten ALIVE and had Drake Industries stolen from him, before now. But he can't put it off any more. He's run out of fires to put out, as it were.

People are starting to ask when they'll see him at the next event. If he's, for some unthinkable reason, AVOIDING dear Brucie Wayne. The beloved brainless prince of Gotham. Both PR and HR would strangle him to death with his own insides if he said he was.

So he goes. Puts on his best GNC suit, those touches of jewelry, a bit of scent you can't tell if it's perfume or cologne etc. And he goes to be the little Dragon of Gotham. Tries to avoid getting to close to the looming, masked by only their own faces, CLEARLY hiding something Wayne's.

He fails.

Of course he does. Bruce gets him alone. Knows that Tim knows his Brucie Mask is fake. Knows a LOT more then he should, actually. Has been trying to get a hold of him since his parents accident. To foster him of course. (And in the beginning that really WAS all Bruce wanted to do. But Tim was so, so clever. Kept escaping and proving himself and fighting. Bruce was watching, ready to step in and take over. Them moment never came though. But Bruce has grown so... attached. He WANTS to take care of his boy. This brilliant soft young man, untouched by the vigilante life.)

Tim mentally calls bullshit. There is HUNGER in those eyes. And? Just as Bruce is pulling the "you know... Wayne Industries has been VERY interested in some of your company's current projects, we should sex about it." Purr and loom routine? They get interrupted by the one and only Gotham's Golden Pretty Boy: Dickie Grayson. And oh shit! Same too toothy fake smile, same hunger in the eyes, weird tension between him and Bruce. Tim takes his chance to escape.

But for SOME reason? After that party? He CANT seem to escape! (It's cause they're Bats. Professional Ninja Stalkers.) Showing up everywhere, knowing too much, circling tighter and tighter like sharks he's not entirely sure he even WANTS to fight. No one has ever been this into him. There are enough red flags to bury men alive.

He might be into that.

And they DO watch him everywhere! Both mundane life, work, and getting off when he should be in what is the privacy of his own home. They fantasize about it, about him. There are GIFTS.

Then? Oh dear, one rainy, rainy night... as he needs to fetch something from the old Manor he grew up in... which is RIGHT next to Wayne Manor? For some UNKNOWN reason his car blows a tire as it passes near their gate! Well he can't drive like THAT! And it is so VERY late! Guess he has no choice but to stay the night now.

And if the sneak a bit of pollen into his food? Well they FINALLY have their Tim HOME. Where he belongs! He'd love being part of the family, being loved, taken care off, not ALONE anymore. But they have such a limited amount of time to convince him. To open him up to the idea that being around them feels good. That they'll take care off him. The second the rain stops, he'll flee again back to lonely penthouse and isolated life. They HAVE too!

So they make him feel good. Brain meltingly good. Mouths and fingers and toys and more. They have his phone and work computer, it'll be easy to impersonate him for a while and shoulder some of that work for their boy while they convince him. They have NO idea how he got dosed they lie, but they care so much, love their Tim so much they'll GLADLY help him through it. Won't tell a soul, promise! They got you little bird, they got you~♡

i might have a fic rec for this!!!! it's incomplete but a very good civilian tim and bats/tim fic!!!!!!!!!!!!

its called the rapture, it's a hunger

the idea of the bats alll having this kind of possessiveness over tim and doing their best to integrate into his life like he's not desperately suspicious of them and their ulterior motives is so good!!!! tim may not be robin or a bat but he can still pick up and sense that things aren't fully pure and innocent from these waynes that act VERY suspicious towards him in particular. but tim is trapped because its him against basically a miniature army who all have an obsessive streak 😭