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anarmorofwords · 3 years

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Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

#the last hours #tlh #alastair carstairs #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles #anti charles fairchild #is this anti anna?#kamala joshi #ariadne bridgestock #chain of iron #chain of gold #spilling the tea

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katatty · 3 years

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Recap: Pleasantview Round 5 (Summer)

The romance of Spring certainly went to a few heads in Pleasantview - the suburb is in the midst of quite the baby boom. But now Summer is here, and school is out! Parents are scrambling to sort out childcare, teenagers are reveling in their freedom, and with the sun shining, the mood in the neighbourhood is pretty great.

But are the families as happy as they seem? Or are some on the brink of collapse? What secrets lurk in their hearts?

The round began with newcomers Tiffany Sampson and Kevin Beare getting settled in. They adopted a puppy, got new jobs, and got to know the neighbours.

Then as Tiffany finished her first day of work in the Education career, she learned she was already pregnant!

They had a quick, slightly rushed wedding before the baby arrived.

Baby Harvey was born, but it already looks like she might be expecting again.

The round ended on a happy note, with the couple already nicely established as a family in town with a few friends!

The Dreamer family started out just as well, but things quickly started to deteriorate.

Due to a combination of bad mental health, recurring nightmares and possible haunting, Brandi Broke isn’t in a good place. Her relationship with Darren suffers for it, too.

Meanwhile Cassandra’s marriage with Don is falling apart, and Darren can’t help being sympathetic. Perhaps a little too much so.

Mia Broke, obsessed with the paranormal, gets herself abducted by aliens, much to her mom’s dismay.

She’s also eager to discuss her theories about the spooky sounds in their yard, but Brandi shuts it down.

Mia goes on a date with Benedick Monty, but it’s kind of a mixed bag.

Back home, Mia and Darren eventually talk about the possible hauntings at home. He admits to her seeing Darleen’s ghost, from time to time.

Brandi also opens up to Mia about her father, Skip.

And Mia is vindicated to finally some ghosts herself!

I played the Lotharios next since I was interested in what was going on with Cassandra.

Cassandra and Don’s relationship has had its ups and downs - neither of them has been 100% faithful, but they’re dealing with it. Maybe? Between raising the twins and focusing on their careers there hasn’t been a ton of time for marriage counselling.

Don’s been feeling a bit isolated, recently. Outside of his family and his coworkers, he doesn’t really have a lot of friends. That’s been deliberate, to an extent. The fewer people around him, the fewer temptations to stray outside of the marriage.

For the most part, it’s been working. But a chance meeting with Nina Caliente has him feeling… confused.

The kids are doing fine, the parents not so much.

She’s always in low aspiration, lately, ever since her Dad passed away. It’s been hard getting on her feet since then, and Don going on about needing “me time” doesn’t help. She needs his support right now more than ever! Why doesn’t he get that?

They don’t talk about it, but both of them are feeling very alone, and starting to lose faith in each other...

Meanwhile, the boys age up. Bernado’s a popularity sim and Cassimiro’s knowledge.

Eventually, things in the marriage finally explode and Cassandra tells Don about Darren, trying to get a rise out of him.

Don immediately retaliates by woohooing with Sharon Wirth on a grocery-run.

After a cool-off day, they agree to break things off, and Don moves out.

He moves in, temporarily, with Bella. Who is insistant that he and Cassie try and patch things up!

He’s more interested in exploring new options, though.

Bella is devestated to lose her job as a party guest.

Meanwhile Oliver Goth (Dina and Mortimer’s son) gets his first kiss with Ariel Capp! Later he goes on a date with Tommy Ottomas, too.

At one of Bella’s parties, Cassandra and Don keep things civil, but Cassandra evidently isn’t doing well.

Bella goes on a date with Gilbert Jacquet. It’s not really all that serious between them, and Bella still misses Mortimer dreadfully, but Gilbert is charming and handsome enough to take her mind of her worries.

Things with Bella and Don also seem to be getting a little heavy, and Don concludes he needs to move out before things cross a line. Bella reluctantly agrees, it’s obvious her plan to get him and Cassie back together hasn’t worked

Don moves to Strangetown!

Next up are the Ramaswami family, a nice breath of fresh air after all the drama.

Priya befriends some of the other mothers in town, becoming especially close to Kaylynn.

And baby Ravi gows into maybe the coolest toddler ever?

Sanjay survives a near death experience.

And Priya finds out she’s expecting again!

Divorced once and with the girls having just graduated college, Daniel Pleasant didn’t expect to be engaged again with a kid on the way as he approached retirement age, doing it all over again. He’s far from unhappy about it, though. Mary Sue always had an independent streak, but Kaylynn adores him. Maybe it’s a bit selfish, but it feels so good to be needed.

Kaylynn knows some people in the neighbourhood look down on her, think her naive, call her a homewrecker… that’s fine. If they worked as a cleaner for years and years maybe they’d consider packing it in and settling into an easy life, too. What’s wrong with wanting to be taken care of?

Notably (and much to my horror) during the Pleasant round, Brandi and John start up their affair again.

Kaylynn finally gives birth, to a baby boy they call Jeffery Pleasant, after Daniel’s father. Daniel’s really pleased!

Jennifer’s eager to meet her new nephew. She and Kaylynn get off to a rocky start, but eventually start to bond.

She’s closest friends with Brandi Broke, though. The two have become inseperable, with Brandi visiting all the time.

Daniel invites both of the girls over to meet their little brother, but Angela is the only twin who shows. Whether that’s because they have a better relationship, or because Lilith was just busy is anyone’s guess.

Then it turns out Kaylynn’s pregnant again already?

Kaylynn and Daniel tie the knot!

Nina and Don also reconcile at the wedding.

Kaylynn gives birth to another baby boy, Luke!

And Jeff ages upp!

Daniel ages up, too. It’s finally time for him to retire, soon...

Daniel’s definitely a bit of a dirty old man, but Kaylynn doesn’t seem entirely oblivious to that side of him, and figures as long as she keeps his needs met they should be fine. We’ll see if that holds up.

Then it was time to catch up with the Shoreharts, who moved here form Widespot for a fresh start.

A retired chef, Sandy’s enjoying her retirement a lot more than she ever enjoyed being a stay at home mom. Granted, all this free time has her a little restless, but it’s nothing a bit of time outdoors and excercise can’t fix. She hopes.

They were honestly pretty chill! Rhett’s taken to the whole marriage thing suprisingly well, for a romance sim. Turns out, as long as he’s getting lovin’ on a regular basis he doesn’t really care if it’s with one woman or several. It’s never boring with Sandy, and he intends to keep her as happy as he can for the rest of her days. That’ll show her shit-heel of an ex-husband.

Mostly they just spend a lot of time with family.

Sandy’s very generious with the backrubs, but nothing goes too far.

Mimi is definitely at least a little anxious about her parents’ marriage though, because she spends some of the round reading up on Couple’s Councelling.

Then it’s time for her to age up! She grows into a rather cute romance sim.

Then at the party the house of cards starts to crumble, as Sandy gives her ex-husband Hamilton a kiss, right in front of Mimi and Rocky.

Mimi agrees not to tell her Dad, but isn’t happy. She spends a lot of time out of the house.

With Sandy keeping her indescretion quiet, I’m not sure what they have in store in the future!

Regardless, next are the Ramirez family.

Tessa’s spent a lot of time looking afte rthe baby and she’s sick of it! So she spends some time Downtown with friends.

She later takes Bernardo on a date, although he’s not sure if he likes her as more than a friend. Bernardo likes the idea of falling in love with Tessa, who he’s always admired! But he’s a little hesitant at the same time, especially with his parents’ divorce still being so recent.

Checo has a bit of a wandering eye, but mostly he keeps himself in check.

Checo might be a bit of a flirt, but at least he’s not a hypocrite. When Lisa was dancing with Skye he didn’t even bat an eye. Or maybe he just doesn’t see an old man as much of a threat…

Ugh, God, I forgot this happened

Baby Sofia grew up super cute!

Anyway, that’s all from them!

The Oldies weren’t too eventful, mostly just focused on hobbies!

They did finally meet Mary’Sue’s new partner, which went... poorly.

But they did have a nice meeting with their grandaughter later, and a fun night out!

Then it was the Burbs! John’s recent indescretions with Brandi aside, things seemed to be going well.

At least, until he made out with Coral Oldie :/

Oblivious to thins, Jennifer was starting to trust John again.

They had dinner with Jen’s brother Dan and his new wife...

And Jennifer discovered she was pregnant again!

Lucy headed away for college...

And baby James grew up, leaving the Burb round complete and Pleasantview all done & dusted!

#Pleasantview Plus #Hood: Pleasantview #pp: recap

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my-otp-list · 3 years

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Me, re-surfacing with my bromance review business because I just learnt today that, after a longgg longgg time, this drama’s English subtitles are potentially coming to completion (or so I really hope).

This is a light-hearted, lesser-known drama starring Xiao Yu Liang (whom many of you likely know as Zhang Qiling / Men You Ping in Ultimate Note) with a certainly noteworthy storyline and applaudable acting. And definitely, loads of bromance.

So, time for a signal boost! (๑✧◡✧๑)

Anti-Fraud League (C-Drama)

Genre: Suspense, Investigation, Mystery

Synopsis (taken & modified from MyDramaList):

A drama revolving around a team comprised of flippant (with a sketchy past) investigator Fang Yuan, aloof genius Mi Ruo, animated hacker Luo Xin and charismatic lady boss Niu Meng, who run an insurance investigation agency which tackles all sorts of insurance fraud cases.

Length: Completed - 24 episodes, 40 minutes each

Personal review:

+ Specifically for this drama, the first thing that catches my attention is the beautiful cinematography, which consists of very diverse angles and eye-pleasing colour palettes. Of course, it also helps that Xiao Yu Liang is handsome and looks so pretty amidst the scenery xD

+ Surely the combo of investigator + genius strategist + hacker is a familiar formula, and this drama proves to be a decent take on that. The team dynamic is adorable, and I actually like all 4 members. The cases likely won’t be the sorts that blow your mind or keep you awake at night, but I’m of the belief that they will satisfactorily retain your attention. Not to mention, the show doesn’t step on the mistake of outrageously illogical or slippery deductions (which is very important, at least to me. It’s difficult to sit through a show that is tagged as ‘Detective’ but brushes off logic or attempts to simplify things T_T). Better still, we are presented with an overarching plot and villain to connect the cases together.

+ Now, on the acting, it’ll be unfair to not mention how great male lead Fang Yuan’s actor was. As for the other male lead Mi Ruo (by Xiao Yu Liang), in all honesty, there’s room for improvement, but he definitely didn’t do a bad job. In general, for a watcher who gets easily irked by C-dramas’ horrendous acting (yeah, let me just admit that I don’t watch C-dramas all that often, mainly because of the acting and the CGI), I find the show’s overall acting really acceptable.

+ Moving onto, of course, the bromance - Ah, precious, precious bromance, and this show has lots of bromantic moments too, to the point that people are asking whether it’s a BL uh-oh (☉_☉). Personally though, this is one of those rare shows that I feel zero need to ship the male leads together LOL, or I should say, I view their relationship as #StrictlyBromance. Probably because Fang Yuan and Mi Ruo have quite a big age gap, it’s somehow easy for me to see them as brothers. With Fang Yuan’s cheeky yet big-brother-ish attitude, his dynamic with the taciturn Mi Ruo is a very amusing one to watch. They didn’t like each other a lot at first, but through the cases and a couple of near-death situations, they’ve grown to be each other’s trusted confidante.

That said, I’m compelled to mention that they quarrel a few times in the show, and whenever it happens, the BGM turns into a LOVE song hahahahahaha (I see what you’re trying to say here, editor (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧).

A notable bromantic scene in the show beside the famous embrace-in-a-freezer-truck scene *which I won’t include here, because no spoiler :P

And by the way, let me just give a heads-up that this show has no crappy romance that destroys the plot, at all (I know I know, you see 2 male leads - 2 female leads and are thinking whether they make 2 couples. Nah, they don’t).

- Like I said above, this show likely won’t blow your mind, so don’t set your expectation too high. I suppose they could’ve taken on a more serious direction and raised higher stakes. Treat this as a rather light-hearted show sprinkled with a pleasant team dynamic and some great bromance, then you’ll be in for an enjoyable ride.

- Surely another negative thing must be the open ending? Without any indication that there might ever be a second season T.T

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Also a quick announcement that I’ll be combining this Tumblr with my Bromance Recommendation Tumblr since I have no time to manage 2 Tumblrs T.T To those who follow me because of a specific fandom, I’m sorry that my blog will be a hot pot of many things, although they should actually surround either theme: Daomu Biji or Bromance (and perhaps very occasionally, BL). So, if you’re in for random bits and pieces and reviews and recos on anything under the sun that has to do with the above themes, welcome welcome ^_^

#anti fraud league #bromance drama #fan pian tian xia #xiao yu liang #bromance recommendation #反骗天下 #c drama

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etherealxgenie · 4 years

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Why Adrien is Better off Gay/Bi/Pan || Miraculous, Why?

(Before I begin, note that this is my opinion over the topic and am no way am bashing anyone’s love for the ship and/or character. I respect who and what you like, therefore expect the same courtesy. However, if this is something you cannot handle, please click the back button as this will be a heavily discussed topic. No flames allowed. Other than that, enjoy.)

I’m afraid I have to address the elephant in the room. Of how the hetero pairings for Adrien are about as real as Twilight. Sometimes it makes me wonder if Thomas Astruc looked at the ships in the end of Naruto and though… makes sense? That’s a long shot convo for another day.

I’m going to take the time in this chat to discuss why each female who has an interest in Adrien has no chance of having a healthy relationship with him and to why male characters have better chances! Let’s look at the girls one by once.

Lila: Let’s start with the obvious. Lila is clearly not interested in Adrien for his personality, but merely for the good looks and fame. She really hasn’t demonstrated any behavior that she cares for him genuinely and hangs off of him constantly as a possession. It’s clear Lila sets her eyes on Adrien because he’s famous, popular and wants him as a trophy husband. Lila is pretty toxic on her own to go so far as to sneak in and stalk Adrien. What’s worse is that she now has Gabriel’s permission to do so. If he were to be paired with Lila, it’ll break him and be nothing but hell.

Chloe: While it shows itself that Adrien has only platonic feelings for Chloe, she still hopes for something more. Adrien cares deeply for Chloe because he was her first friend, though it’s obvious Chloe wants more. Though Chloe has a mean streak and a possessive behavior where she tends to be cruel to people aside from Adrien and expects to get away with it every time. With the behavior she gets from being spoiled and trying to live up to her mother, would it be farfetched to say a future marriage between these two would be like Audrey/Andre? I don’t think so. Plus, she forgets his birthday. What kind of friend does that?

Kagami: Not going to lie, out of all the pairs, Kagami does have the most potential to be paired with Adrien. She meets him through fencing, they get time to know each other and they slowly start to grow as friend. However, that just about ends when it comes to such as Kagami is another girl who takes it a step too far. Like Chloe, Kagami follows too much in her mother’s footsteps and also is overly aggressive and competitive. She looks to quickly claim Adrien because they’re ‘perfect’, which is a word Adrien hates a lot under his façade. She’s gets possessive around other girls near Adrien and moves too quickly, also forcing Adrien to make his decisions as if he doesn’t have the time to decide.

And last…

Marinette: Marinette… in a way is a small combination of the girls combine. No doubt she’s sweet, shy and tries help at times when matters. BUT she’s also obsessive, possessive, and hypocritical. Things a potential yandere usually becomes. She invades Adrien’s privacy, stalks him, and steals from him more so than Lila. She doesn’t mind crossing boundaries as far as doing illegal acts such as breaking into his locker, copying his schedule? How even. She also tried to confess to Adrien on the day his mother disappeared/died which is a time for MOURNING and COMFORT! She also has no problems calling other people out on this behavior, yet she does the same things. Hypocrisy is never a good color to wear.

Not to mention she only is ‘in love’ with one side of him. As Ladybug, which is important, she tends to put him down as Chat Noir, doesn’t give him proper respect in public and doesn’t include him with important matters, especially with Master Fu. She treats him as his sidekick rather than his partner and leaves him in the dark. She thinks of herself as Batman and him Robin. If you read the comics or watch some of DC shows, you know how well THAT goes. Marinette cannot love Adrien without loving and respecting him as Adrien AND Chat.

Granted, she’s not the only girl who treats Chat badly, but she is supposed to be his ‘partner’ so… yeah.

For these girls it wouldn’t make sense. Not to mention at least once, the girls tend to make Adrien uncomfortable holding him on his arm and such. They don’t act like they care of Adrien’s well being at all (except for Kagami sometimes), but make him to be some prized to be won. Forced shipping is toxic shipping.

I can gladly blame the poor writing on the show, but pretty much it did it’s damage enough for me to say I cannot or will not romantically ship these girls with Adrien. If there were potential girls, girls like Rose, Juleka heck even Alix, but it’s safe to say that’s out of the question.

You know who DOES have the more potential, though? The boys.

Yes. As we take a chance to look at the friends he bonds with, its easy to say Adrien is more comfortable around the guys. The party before it was crashed, the video game tournament, these are just a few that aren’t shown often but do show more of Adrien’s comfort level. What guys you ask?

A perfect example for a ‘friends to lover’ romance would be Nino for example. He starts off subtly and gets to know Adrien from the start, not showing any animosity after the misunderstanding with Adrien and his childhood friend, Marinette. Nino also goes through lengths to help Adrien as far as to stand up to Gabriel to give Adrien a friggin’ birthday party! And got akumatized for it. Adrien also shows to go through the same lengths to help Nino hook up with Marinette so far as to set him up alone in the zoo. Nino is sweet, caring and he works well with Chat.

Another potential love interest (my personal OTP), Luka. From the get-go of how they met from a trip accident, Luka greets Adrien with kindness and welcomes him to the group in Captain Hardrock. In ‘Desperada’, that same friendliness still holds as Luka trust Adrien with his guitar, his most prize possession. Luka also does his best to keep Adrien safe and hidden away as Adrien returns the favor to save Luka from getting hit. Don’t push me about the locker scene because there are MULTITUDINOUS ways of how I can make so many ‘In the closet’ references. Also, that wink Chat gave, and the look Luka had? Need I say more? Good. And let’s not forget the icing on the cake and keep in mind to remember:

Adrien chose Luka to wield the Snake miraculous. ADRIEN, not ladybug, chose LUKA. Not to mention the fact, as Viperion, he was eager to work with Chat the moment they met and has nothing but good working with him as a teammate. That’s a bonus.

Many fans of the show try to depict them as rivals for Marinette, but only Luka shows that interest in which Marinette doesn’t really accept because of her obsession with Adrien. To make Adrien ‘jealous’ is really out of character, but another topic I’ll cover.

Truthfully, it would be an interesting twist of all the girls pushed up against Adrien, he would turn around and go for the cute guitarist or starts talking about how cute the guy is! Tell me that Degrassi twist wouldn’t add some good drama.

Overall, the show demonstrates so far that most of the girls for Adrien doesn’t really possess healthy qualities for Adrien to have a good future. The boys give him a more comfortable understanding a gentle nature for a kid like Adrien. You could pair him up with Ivan or Max and Adrien would STILL have more chemistry than them. Note that he’s sheltered, and we have no clue off what other mannerism he was raised on or how truly strict Gabriel and Nathalie are. Hell, we don’t even know how it was like when Emilie was even around.

But for any relationship to work, friendship before romance. Slow but steady at the pace both parties can go. People including Adrien, need that.

#ooc #the artist speaks #miraculous salt #miraculous ladybug #artist opinion #constructive critism welcome #flames are not #flame and be blocked #astruc salt #miraculous why

107 notes · View notes

bellasweetwriting · 4 years

Text

Rescue Romance

Spencer Reid x f.Reader

(not my gif)

MASTERLIST

plot: you’ve been kidnapped by an unsub who fell in love with you, and Spencer is the one who rescued you

notes: extreme confident!reader, nervous!spencer, this is just a brainstorm of a book idea I had and decided to make it a spencer fanfic u know normal stuff

warnings: kidnapping, mentions of torture, mentions of rape, drinking, age gap (22-29), blood, injuries, criminal minds typical stuff

category: mostly angst and a little bit of fluff

word count: 3,9k

"Y/N Y/L/N, 22, kidnapped in a club near the college campus while partying with her friends. Last seen at 1 AM, reported missing by her roommates when she didn't appear in all-day three hours ago," informed Garcia to the team while they were revising the case on the jet. "The New Haven PD is waiting for you at the police station."

"Thank you, Garcia," thanked Hotch, but Garcia continued to talk.

"There's something else you need to see."

"What is it?" Questioned Morgan.

"One of her roommates, Sandy Melville, has a channel where she posts videos of her life in college and with roommates. And Y/N appears in all of them."

"You think this could be the work of a stalker?" Asked JJ looking at Garcia.

"Someone could've watched Y/N in the background of the videos and developed a crush on her," said Emily.

"Not in the background," corrected Garcia, "she's the protagonist of the videos. Sandy followers love her, and I don't blame them."

Garcia proceeded to show the team one of the videos of Sandy walking through the snow of New Haven. The three friends were on the sidewalk, and the camera was focused on you as you kicked the snow off to the street as you laughed.

"Y/N you are going to slip and fall!" Exclaimed your other roommate, Liz, pointing the ice that was on the border of the sidewalk. You continued to laugh.

"Don't be such a drama queen, Liz, and enjoy the snow!" You yelled with a smile. "Kindness is like snow ─ it beautifies everything it covers."

"Kahlil Gibran," interrupted Spencer, surprising the team who haven't heard him talk in the entire trip. "It's a writer, he said that."

"Don't be so poetic, Y/N!" Exclaimed Sandy.

"Kahlil Gibran said it, and I live for those words," you replied. The camera quickly turned to Liz.

"She's crazy," said laughing before being hit with a snowball on the shoulder. "Y/N!"

You simply laughed, and the video ended.

"There are videos of their whole lives," commented Garcia. "Sandy recorded everything and posted online."

Spencer was still staring at the frozen image of you laughing. Something about it had your complete attention.

"Ok, JJ, I want you to make a press conference, and then, you and I will talk to the roommates and ask Sandy if she recorded something about the night of her disappearance. Morgan, Prentiss, go to the club, watch the security tapes, see if someone was looking at Y/N or talking to her. Reid, Dave, victimology, go to her apartment and learn everything you can about Y/N, including maybe what attracted the stalker to her. Garcia, check conversations, someone that has messaged her, that she blocked, calls, anything you can get, see if there is anything suspicious. We'll meet back at the station with everything we found."

Spencer grabbed your picture from the file. It was your college ID photo, and you looked stunning. Your hair was curled, your eye makeup was bright, different from the one's he has seen. Yours made your eyes appear bigger and shinner, while your lipgloss made shine your pink lips.

-----------------------------------------------------

Rossi and Reid walked through your room, staring at the details of your walls, your awards, your photographs. You are intelligent, your bookshelves are filled with different literature books that could explain your knowledge.

"She speaks French," announced Rossi as he grabbed your French edition of Candide by Voltaire.

"And Spanish," added Reid going through your notes in Spanish literature class. "She's smart."

"She goes to an Ivy League School, we should've expected more than this," observed Rossi. "This is a clever, intelligent girl, she wouldn't leave with a stranger just like that, it doesn't make any sense."

"Well, she was drunk," said Spencer. "She just finished finals, she's graduating with a Criminology Degree in two weeks and went to celebrate with her friends."

"Finals are very stressful, and it was a college bar, so maybe she didn't have her defence mode on, she trusted the guy. Where is her dog?" Asked Rossi pointing the dog bed next in your corner.

"With her roommate," Spencer replied. "It's not usually from a stalker to approach their object of desire without preparation, and a club is risky. Y/N had to know the guy and trusted him."

"Or, she never saw him coming," whispered Rossi.

"Do you think hhe attacked her from behind? It was a crowded club, someone must have seen it."

"He could've put a knife on her back, asked her not to scream and walked her outside. She was drunk, so she was weak, she couldn't fight back. He had to know that. Y/N looks like a girl who can defend herself. Everything in this room screams confidence, her videos, her attitude, he had to kidnap her in her weakest moment."

"For that, he had to know she would have her finals last week. What if we are not looking for someone who developt a crush through the internet videos, but rather someone who sees her every day?"

-----------------------------------------------------

You slowly opened your eyes. The room was dark, with just one dash of light entering through a small window near the roof.

You were in a basement.

Your hands were tied over your head, your feet lifted from the ground only letting the tip of your tow to touch the cold dirt under you. You exhaled. Your eyes felt heavy to open. Blinking was hard because opening them again felt tiring.

Your underneath t-shirt was filled was no longer red, your pants and sweater were missing, for some reason, your stomach hurt like hell.

With all your strength, you look at it, having an idea what was it but being scared of it. You slowly focused your eyes on the red stain in your clothing and the cuts in your legs.

You heard someone crying and took you a few seconds to realize it was you. You haven't sobbed in a while, in years maybe. It scared you. You were scared. All alone.

-----------------------------------------------------

Spencer and Rossi entered the police station and walked towards the table where the team was sitting. The whole board was filled with your information, your class schedule, your contacts, your credit card information, your grades, your family members, everything that Garcia could get from your computer.

"What did you find?" Asked Hotch to Reid.

"She's intelligent, she speaks three languages, and her whole life screams confidence, "look at me". It doesn't make sense she would leave the club with a guy and not tell her friends before in case something happens to her."

"We think her stalker is not someone who watches the videos, but someone she knows. A classmate, a teacher, someone that knew her well to affirm that she finished her finals yesterday, and that will go to a particular bar to celebrate with her friends."

"There are at least five different college bars that Y/N and her friends frequented," added JJ as she remembered what your roommates told her. "How did the unsub know she will go to that bar exactly?"

"Maybe he heard her. If Reid's theory that the unsub is a classmate, she could've said it in class and he listened."

"Ok," interrupted Garcia, "I found three blocked accounts in Y/N social media of guys trying to flirt with her but coming to strong that maybe worried her, but none of them is remotely near her, and I checked their entire background."

"We checked the security cameras and the bar receipts," announced Morgan as he and Prentiss entered. "Neither she nor her friends bought any drinks that night."

"They were sober?" Questioned Spencer.

"No, someone bought them for them. Maybe our unsub."

"My dear super friends," interrupted Garcia appearing on the screen. "I was checking Sandy's phone like you told me, and she did record last night at the bar."

"I thought she said she didn't remember."

"Well, turns out she did. Check this out."

The video was clearly terrible quality. Sandy was moving and dancing around, making it impossible for the camera to focus. When she stopped, the team could clearly see your silhouette as you drank what it appeared not to be your first shot of tequila.

"Y/N! Y/N! I'm dying to know," said Sandy drunkenly. "What is your plan after graduating?"

"Uhm," you whispered, trying to talk clearly. "The only thing I have available is the FBI."

"Could you imagine," interrupted Liz between laughs, "Y/N with a gun?"

"I would look incredibly hot with a gun, what are you talking about?" You joked between laughs. "I don't know what it's outside for me. All my life, I've had everything planned. Study, get good grades, repeat. It can be scary doing something different."

"Oh, please," said Liz as she was falling next to you. You were quick to catch her and put her arm over your shoulder, "you are Y/N Y/L/N, I bet everyone wants you."

"I am a man who does not exist for others."

"Ayn Rand," murmured Spencer.

"You are a woman," said Sandy.

"It's from Ayn Rand, you guys are so drunk," you laughed before turning around. "Where the hell is the guy who bought these for us?"

You looked through the bar but didn't find him.

"Hey, girls, I'll be back in a sec, I'm gonna pay for the drinks," you told your friends with a tiny smile.

"Wait, Y/N, let's dance," interrupted Sandy, grabbing your hand and dragging you to the dance floor.

"Morgan, who was the guy who bought the drinks for them?" Interrogated Hotch and Morgan quickly went through the receipts of last night.

"At least six people bought tequila shots last night. End of finals week."

"Y/N felt the need to pay the drinks back," pointed out Spencer as he watched you danced on the screen. "Why would she do that?"

"She felt bad because he bought drinks for all her friends but wasn't hanging out with them?" Proposed JJ.

"Or, something attracted her of him," whispered Spencer before clicking one of the videos in Sandy's vlog. "I was looking at this video earlier. Sandy asked Y/N how her ideal guy look like. Maybe the stalker watched it and tried to mimic it."

"Why were you watching that video, Reid?" Asked Emily, and he shook his head nervously.

"Research... for the case... yeah. Here it is."

"My ideal guy," you murmured as you played with your little dog on your bed. "He has to be smart, but not cocky smart, he has to be humble. I hate mystery, so he has to be direct with me, with what he wants, I like that. Maybe tall, handsome, not afraid to talk to me. I don't know, Sandy, someone that can catch my attention without even trying."

Reid paused the video just in time to see your smile to the camera. You were so pretty.

He had to find you alive, he had to meet you.

"We don't have time for a profile. Garcia, check the security video and look for a tall, good looking man that bought tequila shots between 10:30 and 11."

Garcia was quick enough to show the security footage in the screen, pausing just in time to show a man buying the shots and telling the bartender to send them towards a table. Your table.

"Who is that?" Questioned JJ, and Derek was quick enough to check.

"Baby girl, look for William Klaus, Gale Andrews, Damien Ace and Ricardo Montero and tell me which one looks like the guy at the bar."

"Neither of them," she said.

"Can he have used another person's tab?"

"No, that would have involved other people to his concerns. He is meticulous, he doesn't leave a trail."

"Did he pay in cash?" Asked JJ.

"That many tequila shots? Who has that kind of money in hand? He had to use a credit card."

"All of these kids go to private school. If he actually goes to college with them, he has money."

"We are back to nothing. All of our eyewitnesses were drunk."

"Except the bartender," pointed out Spencer. "He's gotta remember someone who paid in cash."

"Ok, Morgan, Prentiss, go to the bar again and interview the bartender, ask for someone who paid for shots in cash. We will deliver the profile."

-----------------------------------------------------

"The man we are looking for is white in his late teens and early twenties. Tall, and handsome, probably talks smartly and is nervous around people, traits that he learned by listening to Y/N description of an ideal man."

"It is a student on campus. We denominate this unsub as a Love-Scorned stalker, he believes that Miss Y/L/N is madly in love with him. He has probably seen her sometimes giving him glances, or smiling, and thinking they were for him."

"This type of unsub is extremely asocial, does not participate in scholar events, does not raise his hand in class, and is remarkably intelligent, enough to get into a private school."

"This unsub is not a killer but will become one the second his fantasy seems interrupted. Maybe by the same Y/N who doesn't want to play along, there's no way to know how is he going to react with her. We trust that Y/N will realize that she needs to pretend to be in love with him to survive, but we can't be sure."

"In case of his fantasy being blinded or interrupted, he can get really aggressive and possessive towards her. He's been dreaming to be with her for so long that her rejecting him is not an option."

"Stalkers commonly killed their objective of desire. The time in which they do, variates in how the victim reacts to them."

"That's why we need to find her as soon as possible. Ask her classmates, teachers, friends. Someone has to have listened to our unsub suspiciously talk about her, maybe in a way that made them uncomfortable. Our unsub can't manage what he says in public due to his weak social skills."

"Thank you," finished Hotch, and the police department broke apart, going separate ways. "She's been missing 20 hours, let's find her as quick as possible." The team divided, but Hotch stopped Reid before he could walk away. "Reid, have Garcia found Y/N's parents?"

"No, uhm, her mom died, and her dad abandoned them when she was little. Her aunt is on her way, though."

"Ok, thank you."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Dance," he ordered you, "I always loved your dancing. You danced for me a few weeks ago, remember."

"It was a charity event for the school, Parker," you whispered. "I danced for everyone."

"I'm not scared of you, ok? Do whatever you want. You want to kill me? Then do it, I'm tired."

"I will never hurt you, Y/N."

"Yes, you will. Stalkers always kill their object of desire, Parker, and you've been stalking me for a while, haven't you? You think I'm in love with you, don't you?"

"Shut up," Parker whispered before you spit blood that you had in your mouth. "You are ruining this!"

"What? Your fantasy? You aren't in love with me, Parker, you are in love with the idea of me. You don't know me."

"I do... know you... I know you."

"No, you don't. Just because you know at what time I leave for school, at what time I arrive home. Just because you know I walk my dog every afternoon and with who I hang out doesn't mean you know me. Parker, I'm more than a schedule, an object that you see walking through your binoculars. Just because you raped me and broke my arm doesn't mean you know my body. You can't love, Parker..."

"Stop!"

"... it's chemically impossible," you continued, "you don't feel love. You are missing one of the most beautiful feelings in the world, and it's not even your fault! You are a sociopath, and no matter how much you try, you will never know how the adrenaline of seeing someone across the room that you love feels like, you'll try to replicate it. You'll kill just to feel something, even if you don't want to."

"Shut up! Shut your mouth!"

"Kill me," you didn't even realize how you stuttered while saying those words. "It's the only way you are actually going to feel something. Kill me, because when you get in a mental home, the feeling of my blood running through your hands and skin is the only thing you are going to have, and you are never going to get it again. It's a drug that it's only going to work the first time. After you stab me with that knife, you are going to feel something for three seconds for the first time in your life, just so then, not feeling nothing at all for the rest of it. You must want it to be unique, right? Your first kill, probably your only one. So, light some candles, end my suffering... I'm not even going to feel it with the pain of my arm so who cares."

Parker was staring at you, not moving, not knowing what to do, while you just look at him. You already knew that if you didn't get medical attention soon, the blood you are loosing for the cuts in your legs, and the pain from your broken arm were going to do the job for him, so you had nothing to lose. And making him spend his entire life in jail for murder was your goal.

"Do it... kill me..."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Ok, so I did some research and found out that Y/N was part of this dance marathon for a charity event where an anonymous guy donated three thousand dollars just so she would keep dancing," informed Garcia.

"That's an enormous amount of money just for her to dance," observed Derek.

"And that is not the creepiest part, I found the name of the donor, and it is Parker Edwards, he is an art and literature student, and please look at the last art assignment that he delivered for his final grade in finals week."

Garcia showed them a gigantic portrait of you next to a creepy guy, not smiling, just staring deadly to the camera.

"Well, that's definitely creepy," murmured Prentiss.

"Do you have an address?" Asked Hotch.

"House 365, 21st with Second Avenue."

"Let's go."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Y/N, I need you to open your eyes," you heard someone whisper to you, and you slowly did. "My name is Doctor Spencer Reid, I'm with the FBI."

"He didn't kill me?" You questioned slowly. Your mouth was dry, and you couldn't feel your legs.

"No, he didn't. Y/N, I need you to open your eyes, please." You nodded. He proceeded to untie you, and you let fall in his arms. "I got you, I got you," he mumbled. "Can you walk?" You glanced at him, for then to show him how you couldn't even put your feet straight. "Sorry, stupid question, put your arm around me."

"Not that arm, he broke it when he carried me in here." Spencer listened and changed sides, helping you to get out.

As soon as you were outside, the smell was different. You were used to the smell of dirt and your own blood, that when the spring breeze of New Haven hit you, you couldn't help but to smile.

"Would you join me in the ambulance?" You questioned, and he nodded. The paramedics got you inside and started plugging cables and hydrating you, but your eyes were just in Spencer. "You look young to be a doctor."

"If I had a penny for every time I hear that," you chuckled. "How are you feeling?"

"Like writing this in the experience box for my FBI academy application," you mumbled, now making him laugh. "I know that I'm covered in dirt and blood, and shampoo hasn't touched my hair in a while... but I'm actually pretty." He raised his eyebrows, noticing that the painkillers were taking effect. "Probably my legs look like the legs of a training object for ninjas with all of those cuts, but I'm a terrific dancer."

"I know. I saw the videos that Sandy filmed. Of you dancing at the bar."

"That's drunk. But sober, let me tell you, John Travolta got his inspiration for Pulp Fiction by me, true facts." He laughed. "Thank you for saving me."

"It's my job, and it's going to be yours too."

You chuckled.

"You are cute, doctor," you mumbled before closing your eyes and being able to sleep for the first time in hours.

-----------------------------------------------------

October arrived. It's been months since the kidnapping and arrest of Parker, and it was your first day in Virginia for the academy. You were nervous, now more than ever. What if you didn't have what it takes?

You were completely cured, and the doctor freed you completely, and the first person you wanted to tell was Spencer.

You and the doctor had been talking for months now, and he was everything you dreamed of. He was smart, funny, he paid attention to you, and even though you guys were just friends, you liked him.

You liked him a lot.

"This pile paperwork gets bigger every time I look at it," whispered Morgan staring at the tower. "I had plans tonight."

While Derek complained, Reid finished his and gave them to Hotch, and Morgan felt that as a personal attack."

"Please, tell people that if you disappear, I'm the prime suspect."

"Hey, isn't that Y/N from the New Haven stalking case?" Asked Emily to Spencer, making him look towards the door where you were standing, looking at him.

"Be right back," said the doctor standing up and walking towards you.

"What was that?" Asked Morgan to Prentiss, but she had no idea.

As soon as he was closer, he hugged you, and you felt safe immediately. You've only had seen him a few times since the hospital, so every time you guys reconnected, it was like you both grew up even more.

"Y/N, you look great."

"I told you once that I was incredibly pretty."

Last time he saw you, you still had cuts in your face and a cast on your arm. Now, you were like a different person. Like that girl, he once admired dancing in those videos months ago.

"What are you doing here?"

"Today is my first day in the academy," you let him know. "I wanted to tell you tonight, but I couldn't wait." He smiled. "Hey, so, I have a surprise."

"Another one?" You chuckled.

You took out from your pocket two tickets for a horror film festival the day before, and he glanced at them curiously.

"We both love Halloween, so I thought it could be a great idea." He smiled.

"I love it... Y/N, about us."

"Don't say anything, you whispered, proceeding to kiss his cheek. "We will talk about it after. Bye, Spencer."

"See you tomorrow," he said softly, making you smile before leaving.

"Reid," Morgan called him, "care to explain?"

"Don't you have paperwork to do?" Morgan laughed, watching him walk away with a big smile.

"Pretty boy..."

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #reid x reider #reader #y/n #fanfic #fanfiction #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff

452 notes · View notes

yongiefilms · 4 years

Text

FILM | Together Alone

BASED ON | The NCT secret santa collaboration feature done by bumblebeenct and lucaswithnoshirt studios over @neoculturechristmas headquarters

DEDICATED TO | My own precious secret santa, @sly-merlin! This one is for you my love. I hope I did you justice for the type of fic you requested and I hope you like it! By the way I apologize for getting your present to you late.

STARRING | Huang Renjun and Female Reader

FEATURING | Lee Donghyuck

GENRE | Romance, Drama, Angst, Fluff, Business centred, and Holiday centred

RATING | PG-13

WARNINGS | Thematic elements, suggestive references and implications, crude humor, language, mentions of death, a deceased parent, drinking, alcohol, and other adult themes

PLOT | Everyone knew him. The heir to the multimillion dollar company. Next in line to inherit the top pharmaceutical business in all of China and South Korea. For being only 20 years old he was the most accomplished person of his age. Set to become the CEO at age 21 on his birthday, nearly a few months away, there was nothing that could deter him down the road for further success. They say he’s envied by most, yet loved all the same. If only people knew who Huang Renjun really was without his family’s name plastered against the walls of society that gave him fame and fortune. Only one would have the chance to find out the truth of his reality and sometimes when that comes near the end of a year shutting close, not everything can end pleasant like one hoped. OR Happy endings might not exist in this messed up world.

RUNNING TIME | 6.4k

DIRECTOR’S NOTE | Happy Holidays, my loves! This work is in honor of you all and the amazing year you all gave me with your immense love as well as support. I appreciate every single one of you more than you will ever know so I wish happy days among you this season and new year. I love you and please enjoy! Also, shout out to my lovely proofreader, @dvrlingrenjun, you’re the best.

1, 2, 3 Now Rolling...

“Fuck them all!” Huang Renjun yells out in frustration, leaning back abruptly in his black cushioned chair, his hands clutching tightly at his dark strands of hair.

The younger boy smirks at him, leaning against the pillar by his office. “Wouldn’t you like that?”

A glare was sent in his direction in retaliation. “Shut up, Donghyuck.”

“Sure, big guy,” he dismisses, the jab made at the older visible with the way his words cut through the air. “Still doesn’t render the fact that you have to go to this event like you always do.”

Renjun groans, his right hand going around his left wrist to play with the gold Cartier bracelet that rested there. A gift given to him when he turned the legal age of eighteen a few years ago. A gift given to him by his father, on behalf of his mother or so it was said. One that was a promise of luxury and achievement if he continued down the path they set out for him. His decision then when he was an adult to decide his fate, but that was only a lie. The bracelet was only a bribe for a materialistic life where he could be well off and if he stepped away then he would be stripped of everything that made him who he was.

“I know, okay? We do it every year but that still doesn't take away from the fact that I hate it. I hate all of it.”

Perhaps his father was a part of that.

“Well,” Donghyuck drawls, shrugging his shoulders when he lifts his body off the pillar to take long strides in order to reach the other boy. “At least it’s out of town this year so I’m down...I mean free vacation.” He gives a toothy grin, his eyes sparkling of juvenescence and a thrill for adventure, mystery, excitement. At least one of them still had a childlike soul and a more or less normal life while the other was forced to grow up too fast in the spotlight where eyes were scrutinizing his every move before he could even walk.

They called it maturity, but Renjun calls it loss of youth.

“You’re such a freeloader,” Renjun mutters, his hands stopping from playing with the bracelet to glance up in exasperation.

“Says the boy inheriting an almost billion dollar company without batting an eye,” Donghyuck snorts with an eye roll, picking at his nails that now gained all of his attentiveness.

It was true after all.

Renjun laughs in mockery. “You’re just jealous, so I wouldn’t be talking if I were you.”

Donghyuck sighs loudly for effect. “Cous, I wouldn’t want your life even if I tried. Some horrifying shit.” He shakes his head, obviously disturbed by the notion.

Renjun’s voice becomes small, yet firm. “It isn’t that bad...”

Donghyuck finally stops twiddling with his fingers to give the other the time of day with a look of obvious reluctance. “Uncle is scary, can you blame me?”

“Guess not, that man is my father.”

“Exactly and as much as I would love to continue this conversation,” Donghyuck glances at his crisp navy steel Bulgari watch, seeing the time half past noon. “I got to run, meeting with the boys soon and I just needed to deliver the message before that. Little pit stop if you will.” His hands flair out in a theatrical motion as if he were giving a bow.

“Oh?” Renjun raises an eyebrow, hands reaching out to get started on the stack of papers placed at the edge of his desk by his receptionist before Donghyuck’s surprised arrival. “Say hi to them for me.” He pauses in afterthought, knowing the younger’s antics. “Or not.”

Donghyuck’s boisterous laugh rings. He knew him so well. “Very funny, but oh, wait!”

The increase in his tone attracts the older’s regard who was beginning to read through the proposal. “Yes?”

“Here,” Donghyuck states, reaching into the back pocket of his chinos to pull out a small black velvet box with gold edging. “An early present of sorts. I assumed you might like it.” He slides the box over on the desk where it is caught in the grasp of delicate hands.

“Proposing are we? You know we are related right?” Renjun smiles snidely, running his fingers over the soft velvet in wonder. It was rare to get a gift from Lee Donghyuck himself and with the right intentions at that.

“It would be an honor and privilege to marry me, thank you, but no it’s just...open it when I leave. I’m not into that sappy shit as you know. I have a matching one too, but yeah merry early Christmas and New Years.” His easy grin widens as he winks to take backward steps to the exit of the office. Always one for a dramatic flare.

“Matching...we can’t be a couple either, Hyuck,” Renjun says, shaking his head while he puts the box down on his desk in wait.

Donghyuck flips him off and grits out a reply. “Shut up and be grateful for once.”

Turning his head back to his papers, he mutters, “Oh, I am.”

“Anyways, bye you fucker. Don’t drown in work,” Donghyuck lets out once he turns his back.

“Thank you for caring, delivery boy,” Renjun shouts as his cousin finally opens the door to exit after his much longer than anticipated stay.

Donghyuck’s hands still on the silver knob before he can fully push the door. “When don’t I? If you’re gone then that means I would have to inherit the company and as much as I would love the money, the fame, the attention, maybe even the girls...I don’t want that responsibility. You get me?”

Renjun rolls his eyes, spinning the black ballpoint pen between his index and ring finger. “Just say you’re lazy and go.”

“I am going!” Donghyuck exclaims while he turns his head over his shoulder, shooting the boy sitting at the desk that didn’t quite fit him well, another wink. “Bye for real, Junnie!”

The door at last closes and he is gone in a blur of colors.

Renjun mumbles under his breath. “I told you not to call me that.”

His mother used to call him that and she didn’t have the chance to stay long in this world. Taken too soon is what they say, but maybe she was blessed before everything turned to stone.

With Donghyuck’s departure, Renjun looks over at the lone box that was gifted to him, perhaps not a gift like the others that held no meaning, for this one was an outlier in the equation. Donghyuck never gave without meaning or gain so it had to be special.

He places his pen down and picks up the box, undoing the clasp that held it close. The box opens to a sight he has gotten used to, yet there was a disparity. In between the cushion of the velvet laid a beautiful silver Chopard ring. The band was simple in design, yet intricate with the signature ice cubes filled with small sparkling diamonds across the entire width. Renjun handles the ring with care once it is taken out of the box to inspect every detail. Not only was the brand engraved in stunning cursive on the inside, but Donghyuck had gotten the ring customized with the word family in the same writing on the opposite side of the inner circle.

Renjun runs his fingers over the engraving, the words rough under his calloused hands. He hums in thought as he slips the ring on his middle finger, the radiance seeping in from the windows catching the precious metal. “Family...family...I haven’t had one in a long time.”

The truth is he had, has, but he was too blind to see.

Family is not just those that are immediate, composing of a father and mother or even siblings. Family can also entail the greater extent from cousins to aunts to grandparents. Family can even be those that are not blood related like the friends a person surrounds themselves by.

Renjun has family. If only he could acknowledge them before they too left him utterly alone.

Alone was something Renjun was not for the days to come.

A week later after his cousin delivered the news about the annual holiday vacation and company sponsored events that his family has been hosting since his late teen years, he was flown in a private plane against his will to a remote town near Busan, far off from the heart of Seoul. He would rather spend the holidays in the city where he grew up like all those past seasons ago, but his father decided there was a need for change, a mirror of one forthcoming in virtually three months. Usually those that made the trip came for the designated three days they were given which still involved work communications with scant room for relaxation depending on the schedules of selected individuals. However, if one was a Huang, which Renjun was the only one left along with his father that were at least part of the business, then departure and stay differed. Intermingled was the Huang winter vacation with that of business affairs, a factor that was born when the tradition started. His father always said to kill two birds with one stone when given the chance and this very situation was one he took hold of to morph into a personal gain.

Nothing was ever as it seemed with his father, nor himself. One characteristic they shared among a hundred to a thousand polarities.

Albeit this time around, Renjun had fought against his father’s wants, which was not the first instance, but was one that ended in surprising success. Success he tasted on the daily, even if all was bitter with no room for happiness. However, this success was sweet with contentment, ending with an awfully horrid aftertaste. Convincing his father to fly him out along with the others on the 23rd of December instead of the 20th was a victory no less. At least he didn’t have to spend unwanted days in the presence of his old man longer than necessary.

He arrives in wealth and social standing like he always did for once his black A.Testoni dress shoes hit the white tiled floor of the airport’s general aviation ramp building, everyone within his general vicinity, even those afar, are taking heed to his every need, that as of now are limited.

A slightly older woman who he deems as his assistant, comes into view, her black Prada heels clicking loudly against the tile as she advances with a clipboard and her trusty cell in her hands to the boy. She cheerful speaks into the empty building, her smile unwavering. “Mr. Huang, I am glad you had a safe flight. I printed your itinerary for the next couple of days that I will hand to you once we are in the limo. Considering it is…” She glances at her Apple Watch Series 6 to check the time. “Two forty three as of now, we can drop off your luggage at the Lodge and get you settled into your room before your three fifteen lunch with Mr. Kim and his wife at the Yongsusan Café. You will be with them for an hour before the rest of the afternoon is yours to spend productively. Then at six o’clock the maids and stylists will come by to get you ready for the business meeting at seven thirty, following with a small dinner party with those same individuals, including their wives and children. Sounds good?”

Renjun does not even have time to reply before his assistant speaks again.

“Yes, okay! Let’s get going then.” She turns on her heel abruptly, yet with expertise without room for error and begins taking steps away from the plane to the left. “The limo should be this way, follow me while your luggage gets loaded. The drive should not take more than ten minutes.”

He has no choice but to accompany her as he would not be able to make a run for it, he will be caught within seconds. He tried once and that was only one failure amongst little to none in his book.

His strides are slow and lousy as if he had all the time in the world to do as he pleased, when he in fact did not, far from it in actuality. Even so before he knows it he reaches the limo and is lurched forward in motion towards his destination for the next few days. The place his dad selected oozes with sumptuous intent, being a gorgeous mid-century modern wooden lodge that nearly looked like a manor upon inspection. As the limo pulls up to the front, Renjun is able to see the beauty up close that he is entranced by even if he seems unfazed. New places and people excite him more than he lets on for his life is dull, lacking fulfillment of an unknown tomorrow.

The porter, who is situated in patience by the front doors, strides forward to open the door of the limo, permitting Renjun to step out with the authority and grace bestowed upon him.

When he crosses the threshold into the Lodge he is met with an even better interior that rivaled that on the outside, but he is not allowed to ponder too much on the design before the head manager greets him.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Huang, it is certainly a pleasure for you to stay with us at the Lodge this fine holiday season. I am Gwan Jang-Mi and I will be showing you to your room today along with giving you a small tour of this place in order to familiarize yourself with the setting. If you look here to your left…”

Her speech is drowned out into obscurity as Renjun’s awareness shifts to another woman, one so stunning that he is surprised he did not take notice sooner. When sauntering through the entryway into the resting room that will be cleared out in the next couple of hours, a bar is situated to the left where you stand, arranging countless bottles of liquor to wine on the counter, no doubt for the little party later or for the meeting. Those men were heavy drinkers and needed alcohol to make it through the rest of the evening. Renjun did drink to drown his sorrows, worry, and anxiousness away, but he was not one to throw himself down a spiraling hole of darkness nor chaos that he could not get out of, for those consequences were ones he did not want to reap.

The soft sunlight peaks through the high guarded windows, shining down on your face that enunciates your features. For simply being in a black polo and khaki pants, you made it work and drew all attention to yourself without even knowing the power you held.

The moment of admiration comes to a close when Renjun is ushered away from the ground floor to make way to his room in the upper levels, leaving you behind.

Yet that would not be the last time.

Time goes by slowly when there is no purpose, no meaning to the daily workings of one person in the masses of others. Renjun has experience in that regard, time always goes by slowly for him and exhausts him a great deal like a rotary clock that seeks no end.

He was worn out by the time he got back to the Lodge in the early evening due to the stay with the Kims went longer than necessary and he was called elsewhere upon emergency to discuss future matters. He did not have time for himself like his assistant had plainly made known so there he was, collapsed head first into his silk covers, ten minutes to six.

Instead of taking a long awaited nap he is ushered up and into more formal wear after a cleanse from the bustle of bodies that barge into his room.

No privacy. No sense of normality.

That is the normal.

The next few hours go by in blur from him sitting in front of a mirror to have his hair styled to sitting in front of burly old men that were associates and inventors of the company in a grad meeting room with locked doors and the finest assortment of liquor that money can buy.

He is out of the confines in no time, not even bothering to say one final hurrah before he lurches himself out the door and into the now cleared out resting room. One of the servers comes by then dressed in all black attire that was nothing of the typical black and white uniform, edging towards a usual guest. Renjun snatches a glass of sparkling champagne and gulps it down in one go off their silver platter, discreetly of course, for he has to look composed—sober throughout the entire affair. He always could hold his alcohol without a problem and he felt blessed to have that advantage. One thing he is proud of.

He is whisked away not even moments after by one of the older investors, Mr. Han, to moreover chew over the end of the year budget and his stance on future decisions to be made in the new year. From the corner of his eye while listening to the man talk in a flamboyant manner, he sees his father standing with a glass of white wine happily talking to another investor, a more influential one, the most influential one of them all and his wife along with their daughter who was not even carefully surveying the room in search of someone.

Renjun’s eyes widen in shock, mumbling under his breath, “Shit.”

Mr. Han stops the flow of words out his mouth, his eyebrows rumpling together. He did not hear the swear word the boy uttered, yet he heard something in passing. “Pardon?”

Renjun shakes his head vaguely, bringing his third glass of champagne in the air as a sign of departure. “Ah excuse me, Mr. Han, but it seems I have been beckoned elsewhere.” His eyes shift over to his father who was not making direct eye contact with him, but Mr. Han did not need to know that little detail as he observes Renjun’s line of sight.

Mr. Han chuckles brightly. “I see, well I must not keep you from your father.”

Renjun smiles. “No, you must not, but we shall continue this conversation later, Mr. Han. I am sure you have much more to say and I will happily discuss further with you.”

Mr. Han waves his hand in the air nonchalantly. “We shall. Now off you go.”

Renjun nods his head, his lips still quirked up in a smile, this one more genuine than the last, as he makes a beeline towards his father to make everything seem more believable. Though once he no longer feels the eyes of Mr. Han on his retreating back he switches routes, going to the left rather than straight ahead. He circles around the opposite side, catching a stark mop of washed out red hair amongst the crowd in the process—Donghyuck. His cousin is not alone, however, talking rather freely with a girl he could not quite see in his peripheral vision. The grin on Donghyuck’s face is undeniable even with his back turned and the way Renjun hears the tiny giggles you are emitting, all is too familiar, which is the perfect cause for a disruption.

Renjun does not acknowledge his cousin when he arrives at the bar, the younger boy too immersed in conversation so he signals for the other worker that comes becking to his call.

“A Negroni, on the rocks.”

The girl nods in understanding and turns to prepare the drink while Donghyuck still has not noticed his presence. The younger boy always did focus on what was in front of him rather than on his surroundings, contrary to his cousin that saw the whole picture. Two contrasting people surely with unlike futures ahead of them.

The frosted glass with the reddish-orange liquid and topped with orange shavings is served to him a minute later, placed in front of him on a matching glass coaster.

He clears his throat loudly in an attempt to catch Donghyuck’s attention. “Thank you.”

A method that proves effective since the younger boy finally turns his head to the right to see Renjun sitting on the barstool next to him, sipping casually on his high class Negroni.

His eyes are wide, but he masks his shock with a subtle smirk. “Jun! Well, well, if it isn’t the mini man himself. How long have you been sitting there?”

Renjun snorts into his glass, shaking his head at the dig Donghyuck made at his height, always one out for blood. “Far too long to have noticed your flirting from across the room, Hyuck.” It is now his turn to smirk, but Donghyuck’s own is still unfaltering.

“I take pride in my skills, glad you gave your time of day to notice.” He elevates his glass up then, filled most likely with a Nicolashka, his favorite holiday drink to date, and takes a sip himself, a move Renjun mimics.

Then your voice interrupts. “Sorry to cut in, but I have to get back to work. You’ve been distracting me for the last ten minutes, mister.” Your stern gaze is directed at Donghyuck from the latter statement. Although once your words are uttered, Renjun focuses his eyes on you, scrutinizing your appearance. The very girl he saw earlier today, the girl Donghyuck so happened to have a chance with before him—you.

Donghyuck laughs, the smirk morphing into a shiteating grin. “I told you, call me Hyuck.”

“Well, Hyuck, I have to get back to work...plus I am sure you want to talk to your friend.” Your gaze flickers to Renjun in that instance and lingers there longer than necessary that has him laughing to himself.

Donghyuck’s charm only goes so far.

The younger boy peers at Renjun when you utter out friend, and he smiles small in remorse. “Sadly, but do not let me keep you from your work.”

You turn your back on him, your eyes catching Renjun’s in the process before you look away from the intensity of the dark orbs. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

You leave the bar area then most likely to put on an apron that Renjun noticed you had not worn throughout the entire duration. Donghyuck simply distracted you before the start of your shift and after, not a good trait to inherit.

Donghyuck hums, but let’s the remark go as he fully turns to Renjun to start up that conversation.

He raises an eyebrow. “Must you always keep me from having fun?”

Renjun shrugs his shoulders, swishing the liquid in his glass. “Not always, but I was saving that girl from misery. You should be thankful that I care enough.”

Donghyuck taunts. “Oh wow I feel so special.”

Renjun sternly eyes him, his voice lowering. “You should.”

Donghyuck’s lips open to retort a response, but no words are spoken on his end for his eyes look over the older boy’s shoulders and he catches sight of someone none of them truly like or have liked after the incident. He sees her.

“Well fuck, here comes the devil,” is all he makes out and the phrase enough has Renjun turning his own head hastily to see who he was watching. Such is when he sees his ex-girlfriend, Cha Yeona, prowling straight towards their way.

“I’m going to go...so good luck, mate. You’ll need it.” Donghyuck pats Renjun’s shoulder in departure and his gesture of sympathy, leaving him in the wake of a girl he really did not wish to see or converse with.

Once he leaves the bar in quick speed, you come in at that exact moment, your eyes zoning in on the way Yeona’s dainty hand latches onto Renjun’s forearm in greeting. You turn away from the image, busying yourself with wiping down the glasses.

“Oh! What a lovely surprise,” Yeona voices, letting her hand maneuver down to place on top of Renjun’s hand in which she gives him a faint squeeze thereof. He flinches from the contact, retracting his hand to slip into the pocket of his Burberry blazer while the other rims his glass.

He peers at her intently, a potency that has her giggling nervously. His looks could kill whenever he was serious with a blank face and austere hollows of eyes. “Hello, Yeona.”

She sits down gracefully on the stool next to him, crossing her long unblemished legs over each other, her hands placed in her lap. Her smile is bright and makes him want to pull out his hair. She was always two-faced. “Hi Jun Jun! How have you been?”

He lets the pet name go, but does not glance at her again, looking over her head at the white lights strung outside. “Good.”

Silence engulfs them that has her fidgeting out of discomfort. He evidently did not want to talk. She reaches her hand out to touch him once more that has him leaning away. She sighs in defeat, retreating from the gesture. She would have to reach him some other way. “Well...I—”

He cuts her off from continuing, drowning the last contents of his drink before he pushes the glass away towards the server at the end of the counter. He puts a hand up. “Save it. I have no reason to talk to you again. Leave.”

He arches his eyebrow when he sees she makes no move to leave and he chuckles darkly. “Do I have to tell you again? Or should I have security escort you out?”

She flinches from the tone of his voice and gulps, her throat becoming exceptionally dry. She hurriedly stands up, almost ripping over her heels and departs without a goodbye, not that he wished to get one from her. Her slim body covered in a blood red dress slips into the crowd and Renjun finally releases the breath he was holding.

He tugs at the strands of his gelled back hair. “Fucking bitch,” he mutters, lifting a finger in the air to signal for another drink that the server speedily moves to make.

“A little harsh, don’t you think?”

Renjun lifts his eyes to see you gaping at him, an eyebrow uplifted in fascination as you finally were in your uniform, a white cloth draped over your shoulders. Renjun runs his hand through his hair and scoffs from the remark thereafter. He was sure the stylists would be upset to see him dishevel their mighty work, but he could care less.

He shakes his head, the strands of hair rustling. “No, I think not. She deserves it.”

“Wow. Again, harsh.” You laugh mockingly and grab his drink that was slid over by your coworker to clean the glass again. You place the beverage down on the coaster which he takes with pleasure, muttering a small thank you that you can barely hear amidst the classical music playing in the background. Your hands make contact for a split second that has tingles erupting on your end, in a rather cliche response, yet he made no move of the feeling.

There is quietness again that makes you flustered since you were never one to enjoy the muted scenery, always wanting a sound ringing in your ears. While Renjun enjoyed the still, always wanting a sound that faded in the wind and never made a comeback appearance.

In a desperate attempt to keep conversation while making yourself busy by fixing up the bottles of alcohol, you propose a question that invades his privacy, whilst he never had privacy to begin with, a factor you were left in the dark about.

“So...um...your girlfriend?” You ask, in regards to Yeona that left some minutes ago.

Renjun snorts, placing down his glass and interlocks his hand to rest his chin on, a move to focus solely on you. “Right. She’s my ex-girlfriend actually so you’re not entirely wrong.”

You mumble out a quiet, “Oh.” It was not your business to know his affairs after all, yet there was a voice nagging within that made you curious to find out every part of him.

The tranquility hugs the both of you once more, until he questions you out of the blue.

“You want to get out of here?”

To say you are shocked is an understatement, since you are in fact bamboozled beyond belief. He says the declaration with so much firmness and certainty, it has your heart twisting on the inside.

You lightly laugh to mask the shock and turn around to really look at him, a look that he reciprocates. “I don’t even know you.”

A keen smile is visible on his lips. “Exactly the point. You have nothing to lose.”

You shake your head, leaning against the counter of the bar to stare into his eyes that look so lifeless, yet beautiful. “Maybe, but this is my job. I can’t just bail.”

He leans his head closer to you, an act that allows you to a whiff of the Christian Dior Ambre Nuit cologne he wears and his minty fresh breath. “Of course you can.” His soothing voice turns teasing as he smirks. “Don’t worry I won’t tell.”

You scoff to yourself, surprised by his mannerisms of outforwardness. You look around then to see if anyone is watching the two of you, but all eyes are elsewhere and you let out a sigh of relief. Another girl comes into the bar when you glance to the side, most likely to cover the next shift that was not yours quite yet, be that as it may you did have a break coming up.

Renjun outstretches his hand in patience, his smirk slowly growing, even if it was borderlining a smile that you could see right through. He hums in anticipation and you give in.

“Okay fine, but not for too long,” you say as you rest your hand in his. The cold of your fingers meet his warm ones and you latch on for dear life, afraid to let go.

He grins at you and squeezes your hand. “No promises.”

Then he proceeds to drag you out of the bar, tugging you to who knows where. The tingle of a secret keeps you on your toes and you become giddy, laughing along the halls as he steers you left, right, straight, left, right, up...a never ending cycle of adventure.

“Where exactly are you taking me?” You ask after gaining the courage. He is intimidating in some regards, the thought of how he acted towards his ex-girlfriend as visible as day in your mind.

He shrugs, finally slowing down. “Who knows. Could be outside in the cold or near a fireplace in the warm. You will just have to see.”

“That certainly gives me no direction at all.”

He turns his head to look at you and stops suddenly, having you nearly crash into his back before he tugs you to the other side. He chuckles when he sees your horrified face from almost busting your nose. “That was the point, darling.”

You huff in annoyance when he continues walking, the pressure of his fingers around your own feels heavier as time drags on and your heart has no sense of calm, constricting with the name of endearment that slipped past his slim lips.

“Okay, we are here!” He announces and lets go of your hand, the bareness of his heat leaving you shivering. You take a step back from planting your feet firmly on the floor and glance around the room in which he stopped. It was one of the upper level rooms with strict access only to the most wealthy of the associates and investors. His family must be one of those highly regarded, if only you knew how highly regarded his family is, being the ones with the most status, the most affluent lifestyle. However, you would remain clueless.

“Oh, wow. The view up here is amazing.”

Renjun laughs, placing his hands in the front pocket of his slacks as he strolls around the room, glancing at the glowing fire that was left on and the books that were sealed shut. “Trust me, I am well aware. Why do you think I brought you up here?” He gives you an exasperated stare, peering past at the giant window you stood in front of that showcased the whole town, now covered in sleek white snow. It must have snowed while he was conversing with others at the party for when he arrived at the meeting hours ago, the land was void.

The white flakes are still falling outside, delicately covering everything in one uniform color that leaves you in awe and he is left admiring you, how at peace you are. How free you look, an emotion he never held onto in his entire life.

“So besides admiring this view, what are we doing up here?” You ask, your fingertips grazing the cool frosted glass of the window, seeing beyond to the endless landscape and twinkling stars along with lights of the houses nearby.

Renjun answers bluntly. “Admiring the view.”

You can’t stop the titters from escaping you and you roll your eyes, an action he sees through the reflection.

He steps forward, coming up besides your figure to look more clearly at the breathtaking scenery of a winter wonderland. “No, I’m joking...at least partially.”

You giggle some more, interlocking your hands in front of you. “I didn’t know you had it in you to joke.”

It is now his turn to laugh. “Darling, I have a lot in me that you don’t know.”

You sigh solemnly, taking a step back to turn around, examining the other objects around the room. “Oh, I’m sure.”

He is an enigma waiting to be unraveled, but you would not be the one to solve his case and that alone is an idea that scares you.

Before you can get farther away, his hand wraps around your wrist, preventing you from escape. You peer down at his hand then up to his eyes, your eyebrows scrunching together in perplexity.

He does not speak, only drags you into him to where you are now chest to chest, only an inch of distance between your bodies. The closeness between the two of you leaves you breathless and gasping for air. His thumb carrasses your arm and runs down to the palm of your hand, enveloping his fingers around your skin. Your eyes are trailing the movements and you take a sharp intake of breath, curious as to what can happen next. He hooks his other free index finger under your chin to lift your face up so he can see you in distinct luminosity.

You have gazed at his eyes practically all evening, but nothing has prepared you for seeing him up close. He is even more handsome in full definition from the lines on his soft pink lips to his perfectly tousled hair.

“You’re beautiful,” he mutters, his thumb running along your cupid’s bow. “Absolutely and breathtakingly beautiful.”

You gulp, the words drying up in your throat for what could you say to his compliment?

Then everything happens at once.

His hand moves to wrap around the back of your head and he tugs you closer by the other until you are pressed up against each other. He lightly pushes your head forward and contact is made.

Lips against lips. Moving and moving against each other, taking all your breath away for the second time within a span of a few seconds.

He lets go of holding your hand and wraps his arm around your waist, to pull you closer if such is even possible. To make the contact more tender and desirable.

You suppose desire is that which allows the moment to escalate further. From a mere innocent kiss to a fiery passion of craving for more.

When your lips separate, he does not think twice before grabbing your hand once more and dragging you down the long corridor to arrive at his secluded room around the corner.

He opens the door with haste as you come tumbling in after him, grabbing, pulling, tugging until all that is left is just you and him.

The frantic beats of two hearts.

The heat of skin pressed against skin.

Simply two bodies that became one all due to the desire floating around the room and pushing you to the limit.

You lost yourself in him that night and he in you.

Lost to the pure ecstasy of pleasure during the season of joy and love.

Yet the season could also be one for giving and taking.

You wake to a cold bed the next morning.

Gone is the warmth of a boy who made you feel like you were on top of the world, someone special enough to demand notice and have anything that is asked for.

Gone is the sweet nothings he whispered in your ear, the words of assurance, comfort, and false love that made you feel worth it and simply protected.

Gone is the long lingering touches of his fingers pressing into you and dancing along the lines of your body to explore and learn.

Gone is the feeling of his lips on your skin that was enough to ignite you ablaze and leave you seeing all the colors of the rainbow.

Gone is he—Huang Renjun.

All that remains of the remembrance from the night is the note he left by the oak bedside table, one that crushed the dream of longing and hope within. One that slapped you with the crude reality of who he truly was, is, in a place that you did not belong to and never would.

Thanks for last night, but it’s a one time thing. You can see yourself out. Happy holidays.

He signed the note with his initials, H.R. and his family’s embroidered seal.

Then you realize in that moment, your bare body covered in his silk covers in the large suite he had all to himself, that the holidays are not for everyone.

You can either be together with someone else or alone by yourself.

Never the two.

Always one or the other.

You had hoped to be together yet alone with him in privacy to make your own memories away from prying eyes, but at the end of the day you were by yourself and he was too.

That is how life works in this sick, twisted world.

Men against men. Women against women. Everyone against everyone.

Alone.

Never together.

Like he and you.

145 notes · View notes

bjornswoman · 4 years

Text

Live for me

Requested by none.

Author's note: Hey guys! I want to thank you for one more time for your support, it means a lot to me! Well, I am sorry about this one. Maybe it will break your heart, it broke mine when I was writing it, that's why I didn't write more. Sorry guys.

Pairing: Harald x Reader.

Genre: Drama, romance.

Summary: You and Harald talk for last time before he leaves for England.

Warnings: Too much drama, it may break your heart.

You glanced at him, he seemed to have fun with her, his second wife, a woman that didn't love him, she just seeked his throne and you were an obstacle to her ambitions, but little did you cared. You just cared for Harald, your beloved husband. You loved this man deeply and you thought he did the same, but apparently he didn't. All that were just some words from him to you, because you loved him and stayed by his side when all the others did the opposite.

Although, his heart was beating for only one woman. Astrid. He loved her deeply and her death broke him. You were like a medicine for him. A medicine that took his pain only for little. It was something like tradition for him to lose all his beloved ones. First Ellisif, his first love, a woman that tried to kill him, but Halfdan killed her before she do it, then Astrid, the love of his life, and then Halfdan, his beloved brother. He was the one who sent him to Valhalla. Now he was losing you too and that was because of his stupidity.

You didn't have children. All this time that you were married you couldn't give him an heir. You blamed yourself about this. After all, Astrid was with his child when Lagertha killed her. He wasn't the one with the problem. Maybe gods didn't want you to be a mother, neither a wife. You were thinking that Harald would divorce you. You feared that. You thought that because it seemed that he was going to do it. He was all the time with Ingrid. She was Bjorn's second wife too. People said that she was a witch, maybe she truly was but you couldn't care less. You only cared about Harald. None else mattered for you.

Now you tried to stay on that chair, next to him and two of the sons of Ragnar, Hvitserk and Ivar. They were talking about raiding in England again. You didn't want him to go. He had been away for many years. He had raided and killed many people. He had seen many different cultures and people. You feared that he would die there, you feared that most of the times he left, but this time you were terrified. Yes, maybe he would divorce you and send you away, but you would never stop loving him. You would be angry, but you wouldn't stop. You couldn't just throw these feelings away, like they were nothing.

You looked over to one of the sons of Ragnar, that Ivar. You remembered him from some times you had seen him before. He did everything he could to kill his elder brother, Bjorn Ironside and at the end he almost made it, but Bjorn was a hero, a man that you admired. He even came to free you and Harald from king Olaf, but you husband betrayed him. You didn't approve that, but he didn't ask you and you didn't speak. You were by his side and supported his decisions every single time. That was what you were going to do now.

The youngest son of Ragnar looked at you too. He had a sharp mind, everyone talked about that. You were frowned and you didn't speak. You didn't want to bother them with your words or even your presence. You were just sitting there listening to them talking, but inside you there was happening something completely different. You were crying. Your heart was crying and each time it was breaking to little, sharp pieces. Ivar the Boneless was examining you while you were drinking or eating, at least you were trying. You were mourning inside you. If you lost Harald, you would die but you would lose your mind first or you would leave like a ghost before you finally die.

"Your lovely wife, (Y/N), hasn't said a word since we sat here. Have you cut her tongue, Harald?" He asked playfully and drank some of his ale. Harald smiled, but he didn't mean it. He looked at you. His blue eyes tried to examine your face, to understand what you were had inside your mind. He knew too well, you were married many years and they were enough to know every aspect of you. He saw pain in your eyes and that hurt him as well.

Harald had liked you since the first moment he laid his eyes on yohr figure. You were at this fist. He didn't pay much attention, it was boring like all the other feasts, but then he spotted you. A woman who was standing there on the crowd and tried to take care of that baby who was crying and none paid attention, neither it's own parents, but you did. Since that moment he knew you were the one. You caring, loving and stong woman. You didn't make it an easy for him at the begging. Yes, he was the king, but that didn't mean that he could have you like that. You respected him and you were attracted to him as well, but you couldn't just give in to him. After all this time together, he grew to love you. Actually, he loved when he married you and you loved him too, but your story weren't a love story, that had a happy ending and all that. Your king was a Viking and he was away for most of the time, but you didn't mind. Harald was a clear man and he told you what he seeked. You, on the other hand, didn't want to be an obstacle. You supported him in everything.

"(Y/N), speak to him, my dear wife. Let him hear your voice that he wants so much to hear." He spoke to you and you nodded at your husband. You turned to Ivar and Hvitserk. Both of them were smirking, but that had no affection on you. You had the same expression stuck on your face.

"What do you want me to say, Ivar son of Ragnar?" You asked in a quiet tone of voice. You couldn't speak at any other tone. That day wasn't good for you. Ivar smiled and looked at you like he was examining you. He tried to understand you, but you seemed like you was feeling nothing, when, in fact, you were feeling broken.

"Anything you want." He said to you and drank some of his ale.

"I hope Odin bless your voyage." You just said and then looked at your husband who was looking at you too. You couldn't seat there any more. If you did, you would cry infront of all of them. That would ridicule you and much more Harald and you didn't want that to happen. Tears were forming in your eyes. Tears that needed to be dropped. "Can I go to my chamber, my king and husband? I am not feeling well and I don't want to destroy this lovely atmosphere." You asked Harald. He could see through your words. He could see the tears that were about to be dropped. That broke his already broken heart even more, if that was even possible.

"Yes. Yes, my wife. You can rest as much as you please." He said softly to you. He wasn't smiling or smirking like some moments before. He was just watching your face. You nodded to him and smiled to your guests before you retrieve to your chamber.

When you made it there, you let the tears slip out of your eyes and you fell on the floor. Some thralls came over to you, concerned about your condition, but you dismissed them. The last thing you wanted was someone other than yourself seeing like that. You didn't want none near you this moment. You stood up from the cold floor and fell on your bed. Your face were covered inside your pillows. You couldn't control your tears, they fell insanely from your eyes to your cheeks.

You had cried for hours. You stopped onky when you felt something hot and hard behind your body. You turned and you saw your husband, laying in the bed. You tried to turn again, so he would face your back but he didn't let you do it. He trapped you inside his strong hands and pulled you closer to him. It was hot inside his hug, you felt safe. You felt like the old times, like all your first moments.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on, (Y/N)?" He asked concerned. It made him sad seeing you crying. He hated it. He knew the reason. You had told him once when you thought he didn't listen. You told him that you were afraid that yoh were going to lose him. He even heard you praying to the gods. It was that time when he married Ingrid and you prayed to the gods to keep him safe, he saw you crying and telling them that you knew that he would send you away, but you kept asking them to protect him and only him.

When you heard him talking, you turned your red eyes to him and wiped some tears away with your hand.

"Don't you know?" You asked more like whispered to him. His hand guided to you back and he caressed it, he didn't need to answer. He knew, but be need to hear you saying those words to him and then he would say some words that he hadn't told you before. Near the end of your story. "I can't bear to lose you. Maybe you want to divorce me and send me away to be with Ingrid, but I need you to know that I love you. I have loved you since that day in that feast you hosted. These blue eyes are killing me when they look at me. They can drive me crazy with just a glance. You have such affection on me. Please don't die. Live. I can't ask you not to go to England, but if you go, I know that I will lose you forever and I won't bear it. If you die, I die, remember?" You spoke to him and tears came back to your eyes. You closed them tightly. When you opened them again, you saw that a tear was dropped by Harald's blue eyes too.

He knew too well that his time to go to Valhalla had arrived. The gods were preparing a feast for him as they did with all of the others. He had accepted his fate. He just didn't want to lose or you getting harmed because of him. His hands reached your face and cupped it.

"Hey, you won't die for me. You will live for me (Y/N). You will find a good man taking care of you, loving you and you will forget about me, about all those times you were waiting on the dock crying because you were afraid that I wouldn't come back. About all those times I hurt you. The times I wasn't a good husband for you. You will have a lot of children. The children I wasn't able to give you. You will have the perfect life, away from me and all these bad things that come with me. You will forget me." He whispered to you as his thumbs were caressing your cheeks. You noticed that another tear dropped from his eyes. Tears dropped from your eyes as well, but it was far more than his. Your face was wet from the tears you had dropped. Your hands cupped bearded cheeks too.

"Don't even dare to say such a thing. I can't live without you. I want no other man than you, Harald Finehair, my husband! I will never forget you, did you understand me? How can I forget the only man that I have ever loved? How can I forget my husband?" Your whispered back to him and he kissed your mouth roughly.

"Just promise me that you will live for both of us." He spoke to you when you pulled away and tried to catch your breaths.

"I will." You said and kissed him again, for last time. You loved each other too much, to accept to get lost. You made mistakes, but thay didn't matter that moment. It was your last night together. He was going to sail in England and you wouldn't see him alive again. He wouldn't come back to your home to kiss you. Neither would pray to the gods again to keep your husband alive to sail back to you. You would be alone living through alive people like a ghost. A ghost that would live in the past and would replay that night again and again inside your mind.

#vikings harald #harald finehair #king harald finehair #harald x reader #vikings imagine #vikings x reader

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secretpajamas · 4 years

Text

a different kind of rush;

an ezra x reader fic

pairing: ezra (prospect) x female reader

rating: explicit

genre: romance/smut/and they were roommates (oh my god they were roommates)

words: 5.6k

part 2 of 2 (read part one HERE)

please scroll to the end to “content” if you would like to know specific smut-related content before reading!

When you emerged from the shower, you changed into your long sleep shirt (the thing was far too old and ratty at this point to be considered a “nightgown”). Even though it wasn’t dark out yet, you figured you might as well go to bed at the rate this day was going.

As you slowly crept through the tent partition, you noticed that Ezra was gone—and so was his gear.

You found a note in Ezra’s barely-legible scrawl placed at the foot of your bed.

“Starstone quality check,” you mumbled, reading the note aloud.

Starstone was so finicky that it was necessary to check up on it in storage to make sure it maintained its stability. But you knew in your gut he was avoiding you. While he was out, you cleaned the filters and checked the tanks like you always did—minus the filter and tank that Ezra was currently using—the methodical work helping soothe your nerves a little.

When Ezra came back in, you were sitting up in bed, reading the book Ezra’s kid Cee had hand-written (“She didn’t come up with the story, but she basically rewrote the whole damn thing herself. Smarter than she knows, that kid.”). It wasn’t your usual kind of story, and not even your usual medium of consumption (you preferred late-night radio dramas, but they broadcast from the Ephrate—the signal was spotty at best in the Fringes and nonexistent here in the Reach), but it was captivating nonetheless.

You didn’t look up from the book as Ezra walked in. Neither of you said a word.

Part of you was relieved that you didn’t talk about it.

The other part of you was desperate to talk about it.

The next morning, you woke to Ezra sitting at his makeshift desk—a chair set in front of an old wooden shipping crate—swirling together the starstone enzyme bath. He was wearing a pair of boxer shorts and a gray t-shirt, his hair already matted with perspiration from the heat.

You grumbled and slowly sat up.

“Mornin’, sunshine,” Ezra said, not lifting his eyes from his work.

“Mmph,” was your sleepy response.

“Oats are ready if you have a hankering,” he continued, gesturing with his head towards the “kitchen”—another wooden shipping crate, this one with a battery-operated stove placed on top.

You were suddenly very awake at the promise of food. “Please tell me there’s coffee, too.”

“Haven’t made it yet,” he replied. “Go easy on the stuff, you’ve drunk near all my supply.”

“I believe food and board is included in my contract.” You yawned before shuffling your way over to the stove.

“Food and board, sweetheart, not drink.” Ezra held the canister of freshly mixed enzyme solution between his knees as he twisted on the cap with his hand.

Your stomach rumbled and you eagerly grabbed your bowl of oatmeal. After wolfing down your breakfast, you filled Ezra’s rickety kettle with water and set it on the stove, turning the power up to high. You pawed around the mismatched collection of canteens piled next to the stove until you found two clean ones and set them out, along with four packets of powdered coffee (three for you, one for Ezra). It was the instant stuff anyone could grab for cheap at a shuttle station, and it tasted wretched, but it did its job.

As you waited for the water to boil—not long when the water in storage was already warm thanks to this planet’s heat—You heard Ezra stand up and approach you. When you felt his hand brush the small of your back, you shivered.

Ezra huffed. “Are you cold? For cryin’ out loud, woman, it’s hotter’n two channel-rats fuckin’ in a wool sock.”

“Must be caffeine withdrawal,” you lied, knowing full well it was Ezra’s touch.

He rubbed his thumb back and forth and you nearly shivered again. “I suppose it’s high time I replenish our supplies,” he said, “lest you pillage the remainder of my coffee.”

When the kettle began to whistle, you switched off the stove and poured equal amounts of hot water into the cups—and unequal amounts of coffee packets. All the while, Ezra’s hand stayed on your back.

“Speaking of supplies, we could use another full O2 tank,” you said, trying your best to ignore how your stomach did somersaults every time Ezra absentmindedly rubbed his thumb against the material of your sleep shirt, “and coolant for the air circulators.”

“I’m well aware,” Ezra said, “but thank you kindly for the reminder.”

You offered Ezra his canteen of coffee. You mourned the loss of his hand on your back, but feeling the brush of his fingers against yours as you handed him his cup was nearly as electrifying.

“S’posin’ we pull a good haul of starstone today, I can ready the pod for the shuttle station tomorrow,” he said between sips. “Be back within a couple days’ time.”

You swallowed down a lump in your throat along with your coffee. You did need supplies, but it was hardly urgent—was he really that keen on avoiding you? But the way he just touched your back—he’d never been more intimate than friendly pats on the shoulder before—

“The shuttle station gets a clearer radio signal to the Ephrate,” Ezra continued, “I can have a good an’ proper talk with Cee.”

Oh. He wants to talk to his kid, you moron. Why did you make this about yourself and your ill-timed masturbatory ventures?

“I’ll hold down the fort, then,” you said between gulps of your coffee.

“I’m countin’ on it,” Ezra said. “Now let’s score some stone afore this bitch of a planet bakes us alive.”

–

Ezra was gone before you woke, but you had expected it. He told you as much last night. But you still couldn’t shake the notion that he was avoiding you. You sighed deeply before untangling yourself from the bedsheets and crawling over to make your morning coffee.

On the table, the kettle was already set out on the stovetop, along with three coffee packets, a clean canteen, and a note from Ezra.

“Radio at 21:00,” you mumbled. That was tonight—so he was planning to call you as soon as he got in. You couldn’t help but smile as you made your coffee.

You didn’t have to mine today or tomorrow, thanks to working double-time yesterday (and your aching muscles certainly reminded you of that), but there was still plenty to do around the tent. After gulping down your coffee, you started with the pile of laundry in the corner. It was the most urgent order of business, based on how it was beginning to climb up the wall—and how much it stunk. You filled a basin with water and soap and got to work.

While hanging the garments to dry, you noticed a pair of Ezra’s compression pants had a tear in the thigh—thankfully, it was on a side seam, so you could easily sew it shut. You noted to fix it as soon as it was finished drying. You wondered if you could mend anything else, noting Ezra’s ratty assortment of boxers and briefs. If he made any cash in the aurelac rush, he certainly didn’t spend any of it on underwear. You could mend holes, but you couldn’t work miracles.

As you waited for the clothes to dry, you snacked on a ration bar and read more of Cee’s book. You were invested in the characters now, despite your initial skepticism of the subject matter. You had to admit, it was a bit of a page-turner. After a while, you didn’t want to put it down. You moved from sitting at Ezra’s desk to leaning against one of the tent supports to laying on your bed mat, your eyes glued to the page.

When you finally came to a satisfying enough chapter to pause your reading, you looked around for a piece of scrap paper to mark your place. You picked up Ezra’s note and tucked it inside the pages before shutting the book. You noticed the laundry hanging up was dry—had you really been reading that long? Oh well. Time to get mending.

–

You had mended Ezra’s pants, a pair of his socks, and were about to sew a button back on the pocket of your suit when you heard your name crackle from the radio headset in the corner. Startled, you dropped your work, the button skittering across the floor.

“Gimme a minute!” You shouted, hoping your headset would pick it up from across the tent. You quickly found the runaway button and placed it on Ezra’s desk before scrambling to your side of the tent to put on your headset.

“Sorry about that,” you said, “I’m here. You get in okay?”

“All in one piece,” came Ezra’s voice in your ear, “give or take an arm.”

You rolled your eyes at Ezra’s wisecrack. “Talk to Cee yet?”

“Not yet,” Ezra said, “with the time difference between here and the Ephrate, she’s still in class. I shan’t interrupt her studies.”

You looked at the book where it lay on Ezra’s desk and smiled. “Well, when you call her, tell her I said hello.”

“Will do.”

“So, what station did you end up at?” You asked.

“Trinity,” Ezra replied.

“Trinity,” you said, “don’t think I’ve been on Trinity since the rush.”

“Ain’t any different,” Ezra said, “still got egregious docking fees and an abundance of unpleasant company.”

“Already shooed away a pick-pocket busker, haven’t you?”

“Several,” Ezra grumbled, “Damn this stump, they think I’m an easy target.”

“Were any of them good players, at least?” You asked.

“Truthfully, the boy on the panpipes was a talented little devil,” he said, “both in playing his instrument and his victims. I let him pilfer a coin from my pocket—I fancy myself a patron of the arts.”

You snorted. “You keep coin in your pocket? On Trinity?”

“Sweetheart, it’s the decoy cash,” Ezra explained. “You keep a couple low-credit coin in your pocket for the vandals so that they don’t go scroungin’ for the heavy-hittin’ gems in your suit lining.”

“Speaking of your suit lining,” you said, “I’ve been doing some mending.”

You heard Ezra’s raspy laugh through your headset. “Don’t suppose you’ve been sewin’ up my underthings.”

“Those are hopeless,” you remarked, “I meant your spare compression pants.”

“Ah!” Ezra said. “I do recall those had a rip in ’em. I was fixin’ to fix those.”

“Well, I figured I’d do it as long as I had the time,” you said. “Also darned a pair of your socks.”

“Are you anglin’ for a raise?” You could hear the smile in Ezra’s voice.

“Your listing did say ‘compensation negotiable,’” you replied.

“Hmm. That it did,” Ezra said. “Perhaps we shall negotiate upon my return.”

The radio line lay silent for a moment, and you felt a nervous pang in your stomach. Enough small talk. You needed to say something about what happened the other day—even if it was just to apologize.

“Ezra?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” He replied.

“Is everything... Okay? With us?” You asked, trying to suppress the anxiety in your voice.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Ezra replied, before quickly adding in lowered tone, “Did somethin’... rub you the wrong way?”

“Kevva help me,” you grumbled, feeling the wave embarrassment crawl up your spine. “I’m so sorry, Ezra. It won’t happen again.”

“Stop apologizin’. There ain’t a thing wrong indulgin’ in a little well-earned self-pleasure.”

The way he said pleasure made your breath hitch. You hoped like hell it didn’t pick up on the radio.

“If there’s one thing I’ve come to realize in my years,” he said, “is that there’s no use feelin’ shame in feelin’ good.”

His voice was smooth and deliberate now. That bastard knew exactly what he was doing to you. “So don’t you stop yourself because of me—truthfully, I don’t mind. Not one bit.”

Hesitantly, you reached down to press the heel of your hand against your clit, choking back a moan threatening to escape your throat—but not entirely succeeding.

You heard Ezra’s breath coming loud and heavy through the radio. “Are you touchin’ yourself right now, sweetheart?”

“Yes,” you gasped out, your previous inhibitions completely shattered.

“Fuck,” Ezra replied. “Thank Kevva this radio headset is hands-free.”

You heard what might have been Ezra undoing his zipper—and your suspicions were confirmed when you heard a low moan through the radio.

“Ezra—”

“Do you have the faintest idea what you do to me, woman?” The line swelled with static and the throaty rasp of Ezra’s voice. “Told myself not to—made myself not think of you like that. It ain’t proper. But when you—you let me watch—”

You whined and slid your hand beneath your underwear. “I was thinking of you,” you confessed, “always thinking of you—”

“It’s a cryin’ shame,” Ezra said, “all I’ve got is spit-slick and a weak hand wishin’ like hell it was you.”

You sped up the pace of your fingers as he continued.

“If you were here,” he said, “I’d bury myself inside you so deep—ah, fuck—’til you were the only thing I could feel.”

At his words, you slid two fingers inside yourself up to the knuckle, arching your hips, trying to get them as deep as they could go, thumb tirelessly working at your clit.

“I want that,” you panted, “I want you.”

“—Make you come on my cock again and again ’til you’re dizzy with it,” he said, “fuck you so hard you feel it the next day.”

Ezra’s words were pushing you close to the edge. “Ezra, I’m gonna—”

“Do it,” he groaned, “let me hear you, sweetheart.”

You came to the overwhelming sound of Ezra’s broken moans and your own desperate cries and the static of the radio and the beating of your heart—

a discordant symphony of absolute ecstasy.

–

Ezra returned the following night with a full pod of supplies. You worked together like a well-oiled machine, moving various goods from the pod to the tent in an orderly fashion. You both made small talk—Cee was doing well at the Academy, the shuttle station shop was stocked enough with what they needed, no, they didn’t have real coffee, just the shit stuff in packets.

Despite the friendly conversation, the air was thick with unspoken words.

It was hot out—as it always was on this planet—so you breathed a huge sigh of relief when you had both moved all the supplies to the tent and you could leave the sweaty pod. You both discarded your helmets and stood in front of the air circulator on Ezra’s side of the tent, sifting through the supplies and placing them where they belonged throughout the tent.

When you reached at the same time as Ezra for a can of coolant, your hands collided, sending a shockwave up your arm and stopping your breath.

You both froze, staring at your hands where they met.

Slowly, carefully, Ezra intertwined your fingers with his.

“Hello, sweetheart,” he whispered, those beautiful brown eyes of his gazing at you tenderly.

You couldn’t take it anymore—you climbed over the pile of supplies between you and pressed your lips to his.

He let out a surprised little noise against your mouth before returning the kiss with fervor, wrapping his arm tightly around you and pressing you close to his chest.

“Couldn’t—stop—thinkin’ of you,” he said between kisses.

“Do you want to—can we—” You gasped against his mouth.

“Yes,” he breathed, scrambling to work at the zips and fasteners on his suit. He didn’t object when you reached out to help remove the suit—and honestly, you weren’t thinking of it as helping him, more like getting all your clothes off as fast as possible because holy shit this was happening. Ezra had already removed his boots when he took his helmet off earlier, and you were only dressed in your undershirt and shorts, so this blasted contraption of a suit was the main obstacle.

You both managed to get the damn thing off and Ezra kicked it aside. He reached back, grabbing his sweaty t-shirt behind the collar to tug it over his head. You grasped the hem of your top and pulled it up and off, throwing it to the growing pile of discarded clothing.

You were about to strip off your shorts when Ezra reached for you again, kissing your mouth, your jaw, your neck, down to the tops of your breasts along the edge of your bra. You scrambled to unclasp it, letting it fall to the floor. Ezra wasted no time, cupping a breast in his hand and lavishing kisses on the other. When you felt the wet heat of his tongue against your nipple, you cried out, grabbing his hair and giving it a tug. He moaned against your breast before pulling away to look at you.

“Let’s take this to a bed,” you urged.

Ezra nodded vigorously in agreement and you both stumbled over to his bed mat, falling atop the sheets in a tangle of limbs.

Ezra sat up and you situated yourself on his lap, wrapping your legs around him. You could kiss him like this for hours, his tongue in your mouth, your fingers in his hair, his hand steady and warm on your back.

When you both took a moment to catch your breath, Ezra cleared his throat and looked you in the eye, his expression almost timid.

“I must confess, I have not had the chance to... partake, since I lost my arm,” he said. “I may not be as formidable a sparrin’ partner as I once was.”

“Ezra, I’m sure it doesn’t matter,” you said, leaning in to kiss him again. He stopped you with a press of a finger to your lips.

“Allow me to enlighten you.” He shrugged with his stump. “Nothin’s as it once was. I can’t even take a piss the same way. Ever try to hold a dick with a hand that ain’t there?”

“Can’t say I have,” you said.

“Oh, hush, birdie, you can understand the sentiment,” Ezra grumbled. “Everything is at the behest of my damned weak hand. I can’t read my own handwriting anymore. Can’t shoot like I used to—my grip’s shit on the left. Even gettin’ dressed is harder than minin’ aurelac.”

He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair before continuing. “And as long as we’re on the subject of minin’, I can no longer mine most things on my lonesome. Each harvest is hardly half of my previous yields, and I got the kid to support on top of everything. Now, Cee deserves every bit of that support, do not misunderstand my words—I would move Kevva and earth for that girl. But such meager wages do tend to make one feel... inadequate. A man’s work is no petty thing.”

You listened to Ezra attentively, not knowing how you could get it across to him that he was no less of a man in your eyes than if he had two arms. You wanted to reassure him, but he pressed on.

“So please, allow me to posit this caveat,” he said, “that I intend to make love to you, and to do so to the fullest of my capabilities—but even my best efforts may prove... unsatisfactory.”

Make love. Ezra wanted to make love to you. Your heart stuttered in your chest.

You were so stunned by Ezra’s choice of vocabulary that it took you a moment to process what he said.

“Oh,” you said. “You don’t think you can make me come.”

Ezra ducked his head; you could have sworn he was blushing. “You always cut right to the quick.”

You cupped his cheek, running your thumb along the little white scar there.

“Ezra, I don’t care. I just want this. With you.” You glanced down to where you straddled his lap, rolling your hips a little against his growing arousal. “And forgive me if I’m assuming things, but it seems like you want it, too.”

Ezra moaned quietly at your movements. “My desire was never in question, I assure you,” he said, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a smile.

You leaned in and kissed him softly. He returned the kiss before gently moving you off his lap.

“Lie down, sweetheart,” he whispered, and you eagerly obliged, reclining on the mattress. He settled on top of you, propping himself up on his elbow, kissing you passionately. Eager to get your hands on him, you hooked a finger under his waistband and gave a tug.

“Whoa there,” Ezra said, “slow down, spitfire.”

You moved your hand away. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’, believe me. But those clever hands of yours will have to wait, because I’ve been starvin’ for you,” he said with a sly grin, kissing a path down your breasts to your stomach, “and I can no longer deny myself a taste.”

It took a moment for your Ezra Translator to kick in. “Oh.” You scrambled to shimmy your shorts and underwear down. Ezra took over, pulling them all the way off and tossing them over his shoulder before leaning down to continue his trail of kisses.

He nudged at your thigh with his head and you eagerly opened your legs for him. Rough stubble tickled your thighs as he kissed his way to your cunt. At the first feeling of his hot breath against your clit, your hips jumped up out of their own volition, knocking Ezra off his left elbow and face-planting him onto the bed beneath you.

“Sorry!” You squeaked. You reached out to steady him but stopped yourself—you knew he hated being helped.

“Hell’s bells,” Ezra grunted. He gripped at the sheets with his hand as he slowly pushed himself to sit upright.

“Left arm ain’t worth shit,” he grumbled under his breath, “can’t even hold me up.”

“It’s alright, Ezra,” you said, “we can try again.”

“Indeed we can,” Ezra said. He lay down on his back next to you and motioned to his chin. “Take a seat, sweetheart.”

“Um,” you started. You’d done this before, but not like that. “I don’t want to—hurt you.”

“Kevva’s sake, woman, I ain’t gonna break,” Ezra said, then added with a grin, “if I suffocate on account of your cunt, I will embrace death with open arms. Well, one of ’em, anyway.”

“Oh, shut up,” you said with a groan.

“Here lies Ezra, drowned in pussy,” he continued teasing, eyeing you with a wicked grin.

You hesitantly shuffled toward him. Drumming up some courage, you knelt above him, one knee on either side of his head. You were so nervous that you could hear your pulse roaring in your ears.

Whether impatient or just eager, Ezra grabbed you by the hip, then, and urged you down onto his mouth.

You gasped, bracing yourself as you felt the white-hot warmth of his tongue against your cunt. You choked back a moan, your hips stuttering forward, trying not to grind down too hard on his face. Ezra was having none of that. He urged you to move, his hand gripping your hip and firmly pulling you forward. With a little more certainty, you rocked your hips forward and back, making his tongue slide against your clit in long strokes. You moaned again, louder this time, and Ezra hummed his desperate response, burying his face in your pussy like a man starving.

You rutted against him urgently, your thighs beginning to burn from holding yourself up over him. Your movements became less graceful, more desperate—you slid forward too far, causing your slit to grind against the bridge of his nose, and you’d be embarrassed if didn’t feel so damn good. You were right on the precipice, moments away from shaking apart, when Ezra stilled your hips with his hand and brought you back to his tongue. He latched his mouth over your clit and sucked on it, wet and sloppy and fucking perfect.

“Fuck, Ezra,” you gasped, the heat coiling inside you tighter and tighter, “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna—”

Ezra growled, his teeth grazing your clit for a moment, and the jolt of sensation just on the right edge of pain had you coming so hard you thought you might black out. You stumbled forward, reaching out to break your fall, your cunt pulling away from his mouth. Somehow, Ezra knew you needed more, reaching behind his head for you and guiding you back in place with his hand. He began to lap at you again, working you through another shaking shockwave of pleasure.

You had to pull away before it was too much. You collapsed next to Ezra on the too-small mattress, trying to catch your breath, feeling your thighs burn and your cunt twitch and your heart sing.

“Give me a minute,” you gasped.

“Take all the time you need, sweetheart,” Ezra said, equally breathless.

You turned to look at Ezra. His face was flushed red, beads of sweat dripping down to mix with your slick that had ended up all over his mouth and chin—and his nose. He looked absolutely filthy and you’d be mortified if he didn’t look so damn pleased with himself.

You reached for your discarded t-shirt and gently wiped at his face, cleaning up the most offensive wet patches before tossing it aside again. “Sorry,” you said.

Ezra chuckled. “I do not accept your apology, ma’am,” he teased. “That was sexier than hittin’ a motherlode of aurelac.”

“Now that’s high praise,” you teased back.

“C’mere and kiss me,” he all but whispered, reaching out to hold your chin between his thumb and index finger. You closed the distance and pressed your lips against his. It was almost chaste—if not for the knowledge of where that mouth had just been.

He pressed his forehead against yours. You breathed deeply, absentmindedly playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck.

You looked down at the straining bulge in his pants, snaking your hand down to stroke at him through the fabric. A little choked moan tumbled from his throat at your touch.

“Let’s take this off,” you said, thumbing the waistband. He nodded in agreement, laying on his back and lifting his hips so you could pull his pants down and off in short order. His cock sprang free, hard and aching.

You licked your lips. “No underwear?”

“Too fuckin’ hot for underwear,” he said, gasping when you gently rested your hand on the crease where his thigh met his hip.

You moved your hand up and down his thigh, making him squirm and thrust up against nothing but air. He practically whined, his hand clawing at the sheets.

“Touch me,” he begged, voice cracking.

“I am touching you,” you said with a wolfish grin.

“Damn it, woman,” he groaned, “if the heat don’t kill me, you sure as shit will have the pleasure yourself.”

“Patience,” you chided, not sure how long you could keep this up—you wanted him inside you, and you wanted him now—but you loved seeing him spread out and desperate for you.

Finally, you wrapped your hand around him and gave a long, firm stroke. He threw his head back and moaned, arching into your touch. You licked your lips as you studied his cock, the thick length of it twitching ever so slightly in your hand. You rubbed at the underside of the head with your thumb and your mouth watered when a bead of precome welled up at the tip. On instinct, you moved down to lick it off.

Ezra cursed, bucking up to meet your mouth. You held him down by the hip before taking him into your mouth as far as you could.

“Fuck, sweetheart—I—fuck!” Ezra cried out, clawing at the sheets with his hand, writhing against your hand where it held him down. When you tentatively reached down to gently squeeze his balls, he nearly sobbed.

“I’m gonna—” Ezra gasped.

You pulled your mouth off of him, then, replacing it with your hand, not moving, just holding him at the base.

“Hold on, I didn’t say stop,” he said with a breathless chuckle. “Everything alright?”

“I want you inside me,” you whispered, barely audible.

Ezra reached out to still your movements. “I don’t have protection, sweetheart,” he said, voice strained.

You bit your bottom lip, averting Ezra’s gaze for a moment. “I have the implant,” you said, looking him in the eye again.

Ezra’s eyebrow shot up. “Well, shit, woman,” he said. “Thought they only had those fancy contraptions in the Ephrate.”

“They do,” you said. “I did have some decent money, once. In the rush. Before my crew took it all and left.”

“You and I have trod similar paths, so it would seem,” Ezra said.

“The rush left a lot of us in the dust,” you said.

Ezra nodded. “The deadliest dust there is.”

After a long moment, he sat up to kiss you, just a gentle press of lips. You put your arms around him and closed your eyes, breathing with him for a moment.

“How do you want to—which way should we—” you stumbled over your words.

“You may have me whichever way you desire,” Ezra said, voice low in your ear, “and I will do my darnedest to provide.”

“Can—can you be on top?” You started, “I mean—I will if it’s easier, but my thighs are kind of killing me.”

Ezra chuckled, and you thrilled at the vibration of it against your chest. “Lay back,” he said.

You complied, laying down on the bed mat. He reached behind you to grab the pillow.

“Lift up that pretty ass of yours for me,” he said, and you did. Kneeling before you, he placed the pillow under your hips.

“Reckon my knees will hold me up longer than my arm,” he said, gripping your hip to tug you towards him.

“Guess both our thighs will be burning tonight,” you said with a sly smile.

“Worth every ache,” he replied, taking himself in hand.

He slowly rubbed at your slit with the head of his cock. You moaned, your cunt clenching against thin air as you felt wetness dribble down. Ezra dragged his cockhead through the slick, gathering it before rubbing at your clit directly. You gasped at the jolt of pleasure lighting up your body—it felt so good you could cry. You could hardly stand the teasing anymore, wanting him inside you now more than ever.

“Ezra, please,” you begged.

At your urging, he lined himself up and slid inside you with one deliberate movement. The sensation of his thick cock filling you up, the almost-aching stretch of it—it was better than you ever imagined. He grabbed you by the hip again to pull you even closer as he began to thrust into you at a steady pace.

“Look at you,” Ezra said, his voice gravelly and low, “takin’ my cock like it was made for you. Shoulda known you’d feel this good, sweetheart.”

“Ezra,” you panted, “Ezra.”

You looked up at Ezra as he filled you completely—from his pupils blown wide and his lips slightly parted, to the broad expanse of his shoulders, to the torso adorned with freckles and scars, to—fuck, where his cock was seated deep in your cunt—he was more beautiful than any gemstone.

You could tell Ezra was trying to control the pace of his thrusts, biting his lip in concentration. You didn’t want him to hold back.

“Harder,” you breathed.

“I ain’t gonna last,” Ezra said through gritted teeth.

“I don’t care!” You cried out, clenching down on him.

“Fuck!” Ezra leaned forward and braced himself against the bed, arm trembling with the effort as he set a brutal pace, fucking into you hard and deep and unrelenting. You nearly screamed.

“Touch yourself, sweetheart,” Ezra’s voice was frantic and loud, “come for me, please, please, fuck!”

You rubbed your clit for hardly a moment before you shook apart, your cunt spasming around his cock, your body consumed in flames of pleasure so intense you could hardly breathe.

Ezra managed a few more thrusts before he came with a shout, his cock inside you as deep as it could go.

–

In the aftermath, Ezra collapsed beside you, absolutely exhausted. You turned your head to kiss him, lazy and slow.

“If it’s alright with you,” he said, his breath warm and close, “I’m inclined to take the day off tomorrow.”

“We’re sure going to be sore,” you sighed.

“Well, yes,” he agreed, “but I’m keen on more...sparrin’ practice.”

“You can say sex, you know,” you laughed, “not everything has to be a metaphor.”

Ezra smiled. “I do have an inclination to run my mouth, don’t I.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

Ezra just rolled his eyes before taking your hand in his, your fingers twining together.

“I just realized,” you said, looking over at Ezra’s desk, “I could’ve sat on that chair instead of your face. Would’ve made things easier.”

Ezra’s eyes widened a fraction, looking over at the chair, then back to you.

“Why didn’t I think of that? I am dumber than a box of rocks,” he said with a chuckle. “But I do believe my method is superior.”

“We’ll have to test your theory,” you said. “Do some serious research.”

Ezra nodded eagerly before setting a steely expression with a furrowed brow. “Of course.”

content: phone sex (well, radio sex if you wanna get technical), cunnilingus, face-sitting, blowjob, vaginal sex

a/n: listen. all the scifi sex I write will conveniently make use of “the implant” purely so they can raw-dog it. also like where tf is ezra gonna go buy space condoms. this is set in the fringes of the galaxy. it’s not like he can pop over to space cvs and get some cosmic cock wrappers for his magnum dong. they don’t carry them at the shuttle station, okay?

and yes I DO go back and forth in my fics deciding whether “come” or “cum” is hotter/more grammatically correct/etc and this is a come fic, apologies to the cum crowd

special thanks to taylor (@damerondjarin) for the exchange of messages that inspired this fic, and for all the moral support thereafter. believe it or not this entire fic was supposed to be JUST the face-sitting sex scene and uh it expanded from there. Oops.

#ezra prospect #ezra x reader #ezra prospect x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction

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blackcherrykiss · 4 years

Text

BLOOD BOUNDARIES - Enhypen OT7 Fanfic (ch.2)

CH.1 [previous chapter] CH.3 [next chapter]

genre: vampire au, romance, drama, mystery, thriller

note: written inspired by enhypen's storyline, given-taken lyrics & teasers. please keep in mind all members are apart of this fanfic and the main theme is mystery/drama!

That night you got no sleep thinking about Lee Heeseung. Even though the encounter was a bit weird, you were restless and totally head over heels for the guy. It was as if he had cast a spell on you as you're tossing and turning at the scent of vanilla that filled his clothes, a fragrance that just didn't seem to leave your senses. With such unforgettable eye contact, you were finally starting to understand why girls were so attracted to him. But what really left you wondering late at night was how Jungwon had told you to stay away from him.

You shifted on your side, trying to blind the moonlight that seeped through your eyelids when you hear it.

A cry from the outside is scorching through the thick walls of your dorm. It never made sense as to how only you heard these cries at night, they were always blaring in your ears. Even when you'd ask your roommates the following morning, they would hear absolutely nothing but heavy gusts of night wind swaying past their window. Being the only to hear it paranoid you more, were you going mentally insane? Your room was the only one to be in the far north wing, closest to the direction of the woods. The screams evoked feelings of horrid pain.

What was going on deep beyond the boundary?

You catch Jungwon reading at an empty table as you scorch across the dining hall the following morning. You usually sat with your roommates for morning tea but that's only because you'd never run into Jungwon in the mornings. At least not these days.

"How's your condition today?" Jungwon glanced up at you as you pulled out the opposing seat from his.

"Well, this is fine," You lift your wrapped hand into clear view, "but my head still kind of hurts...? Then again, I couldn't sleep at all last night." You admit while folding your arms into a pillow for yourself.

He remained silent.

"Do you usually eat breakfast alone? This is the first time I've spotted you around breakfast time."

"No, I just needed a quieter place this morning? My roommates are kind of loud..." He dozed off while reaching over to fiddle with your nicely bandaged up hand, losing total interest in his book, "I'm actually roommates with Heeseung..."

"Heeseung?! REALLY?" Your excitement was plastered all over your face.

"Mhm." He scrunched his eyes closed in a big idea as to where the conversation was heading by the way you responded.

"Tell me more about him..." You were usually a bit more modest about who you were interested in but Jungwon wasn't someone you were afraid of knowing.

"I told you to stay away from him. He's no good."

"Why do you assume I'm gonna be all over him by asking you for some basic information about him? I'm just curious..."

"Are you not freaked out over what he did?"

"What? Lick my blood?" You laughed recalling the bizarre situation, "It was weird but also sort of attractive?" You shyly said, confused by your own words.

"Attractive? Your standards are literally a foot-deep into a garbage can."

"HEY! It's not that, he's just oozing with attractiveness... Everything he does looks cool... I don't expect you to understand anyways!"

Jungwon went to a loss of words, cupping his face into one of his palms in disappointment.

"But Jungwon, if you're roommates with Heeseung doesn't that mean you also know of..." You paused to recall the names of the other boys associated with Heeseung amongst the girls. ".... Sim Jaeyun? Park Sunghoon, Kim Sunoo? I know they're all friends and I think I have some classes with some of them-"

"How do you know them?!" He panicked, slamming his book face down, visibly damaging its mint condition.

"What girls don't know them." You laughed awkwardly. Honestly, you were worried that you were coming off as a little too boy crazy.

"Don't get involved with them... God, just stay away from all of them."

"Stay away from them? Are they like playboys? Or maybe even Heartbreakers...?" You gasped and giggled at the high probability of the stereotype you created of pretty boys just wanting to break hearts.

"We're not heartbreakers." A voice came up behind you, cutting right through your conversation sharply. Your body began to shut down as you felt a dark presence come to approach your back. You turned your head carefully with a tense neck to see Park Sunghoon shuffle to the other end of the table. "What are you telling her about us? Jungwon." Sunghoon scoffed, taking a seat next to him.

The atmosphere grew unbearably uncomfortable for both you and Jungwon. Something became horribly fishy when you stared at Jungwon's facial expressions. He looked phased with fatal distress from Sunghoon.

It was sort of your fault that Jungwon had got caught in this situation and you felt like you would only add more flames to the fire by staying.

"I think I should go..." You steadily backed out and away from the table in two awkward motions.

Not even a step away from the table your face met the same familiar fragrance of vanilla, "But the fun just started?" Heeseung's voice was lower than usual, intoxicating to your ears,

"That's too bad... I was just saying hello to Jungwon." You backed away as much as possible to give yourself breathing space, seeing Jaeyun (Jake) over Heeseung's shoulder.

"Really? It didn't sound like you were just saying hello." Sunghoon pointed out.

You didn't know how much Sunghoon had heard but you knew damn well he heard too much. "I'll see you around Jungwon." You cut through the thick atmosphere created by the boys.

"Jungwon told her to stay away from us... Right Jungwon?" Sunghoon had a villainous smile painted all over his pale face. The vibe you were getting from the boys was a little more than just intimidating but you couldn't put your finger on what act these boys were putting up.

"Away from us? Wouldn't that mean she'd also need to stay away from you too?" Heeseung's pray had now changed as his full attention was now all on Jungwon. You took this opportunity to evacuate the scene.

III

You shiver as you head to your first class of the day, hungry yet sick to your stomach. You had missed the chance to eat that morning and instead used the time to ponder the situation. You were starting to feel the bad vibe from some of the boys now and it worried you tremendously about Jungwon. Something was off about their relationship.

You scurry into the girls change room, a little earlier than most people. You were shocked to see the locker room deserted.

"Y/n! You're so early today!"

"I'm just early because I skipped breakfast. It saves so much time I guess." You spoke your mind mindlessly.

"Not unless you wake up earlier and eat earlier." Kyungeun nagged.

"You come later than me on most days! Why are you so early?" You removed your uniform to change into your gym attire, the same old washed-out grey tracksuit.

"Honestly... I didn't really want people seeing something." She whispered.

"Hmm? See what?" You said while looking for your track pants through your cluttered bag.

"You promise you won't mention what you see?"

Kyungeun was quite popular compared to your other friends and she always mentioned to you how you were part of the only people she trusted. Although many people saw the loud and wild version of her, you always got to see the more serious and relaxed side of her.

"Kyungeun, I literally have no one to tell anything to. Who am I going to tell?" You reassured her in a light hearted manner while tying your hair back.

She shrugged her tracksuit jacket off on one side to expose flesh near the back of her neck and shoulder.

...

CH.1 [previous chapter] CH.3 [next chapter]

#enhypen vampire #enhypen fanfic #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagine #yang jungwon #lee heeseung #park jongseong #sim jaeyun #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #nishimura riki #jungwon fanfic #heeseung fanfic #jay enhypen fanfic #jake enhypen fanfic #sunghoon fanfic #sunoo fanfic #niki fanfic

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treasure-hwa · 4 years

Text

sparkling wine and cake

pairing: seonghwa x g.neutral reader

genre: fluff

synopsis: Seonghwa could not ask for a better way of spending new year's eve.

word count: 1755

author's note: is it good, you ask me. It's better than nothing, I answer. I should have posted it on January 1st, but I didn't, so enjoy it now, 14 days into the new year.

Winter felt way colder and sadder when there was not a cozy place full of cheerful people to spend new year’s eve. The place Seonghwa lived in felt emotionless and chilly, even though the heater was on.

He focused on baking the chocolate cake he decided to bake just so he could distract himself from the sting burning on his chest. Not being able to spend new year’s eve with his family was painful and the man cursed his boss for demanding, in the last minute, he worked on December 30th and the afternoon of the first day of the year. Seonghwa had booked a flight to his hometown, but, due to work, he had to call it off, and booking a flight on new year's eve was impossible.

His friends were also already busy, and Seonghwa didn't want to bother them, so, that night, it would be only him, the chocolate cake and maybe a glass of sparkling wine toasted with the wind the moment the clock hit 00:00.

It's how it's gonna be, he thought to himself while cleaning the kitchen's counter, it will be fine, I can video call my parents later. But when you least expect, things happen, don't they?

Around 10:30pm, the doorbell rang, and Seonghwa, without hurry, went to the door, getting a big surprise when he opened it.

— Hey, happy new year.

— Y/N?

— I know, it's not 2021 yet, but whatever. Can I come in? I brought some… snacks. — You showed him a convenience store white plastic bag you had on your hand.

— Sure, come in. What did you bring? — You shared a quick hug before the boy took the bag from you, taking it to the kitchen.

You left your shoes and coat, full of little white dots of snow, on the specific places and came into the house, sighing when the warm air welcomed you.

— Sparkling wine, Pringles and chocolate. — You sat on the couch, stretching your legs and your red and green striped sock clad feet.

— Nice. Why are you here? Not trying to be rude, of course — He hurried to correct himself in case you misunderstood him.

— I came here to spend new year's eve with you, Hwa, obviously.

— But why? What about your family? — the man questioned, putting the sparkling wine bottle on the refrigerator and taking out the one he already had, pouring the golden liquid on two glasses.

— Split up. My sister is with her boyfriend, my brother with his friends and mom and dad are with their respective new partners.

— I am sorry, I guess. — Seonghwa came to the living room, sat beside you and handed you the glass, pouting and touching your arm gently with his free hand.

— It's okay. — You smiled and, even though it was kind of a broken one, you seemed content enough, more content when you sipped on the sparkling wine. — At least we are together.

He smiled with the ending words, finally realizing he would start 2021 near someone really important to him.

You and the man met on the train station two years ago. The place was crowded and both were moving to the big city because of great job offers, something they couldn't find in their respective hometowns. Everybody was waiting for cabs and, when one stopped in front of you and you opened the car's door, you saw a breathless guy running towards you.

"Please, let me take this one. I am already so late to meet my new landlord."

"Well, me too, but… we can share the cab, what do you think? I go first, then you go."

He agreed, thanked your gentleness and got into the cab, rearranging his luggage on the available space. Two days later, you met at the local bakery and discovered you lived next to each other. The rest was story.

— Is there cake? Your house smells like cake.

— Yep, I’m just waiting for it to cold down.

A moment of silence.

— What are your plans?

— Watching a movie, eating cake and drinking sparkling wine during the whole night, maybe getting a little drunk. — He shrugged his shoulders. — Sounds good or do you want to do anything else?

— Anything sounds good with you, Hwa.

Maybe Seonghwa had melted and his heart lost a beat. If he was totally honest, he would say he has a crush on you, and what had just been said wasn't exactly healthy for his situation.

Giving a shy smile, he turned the TV on and handed you the remote control to choose something worthy enough of watching during that time of the year. A Christmas themed romcom was just starting, so you decided on watching it, focusing completely. Or it seemed like you were: the man was trying so hard not to wrap his arm around you, who wanted to lay your head on his shoulder so bad.

And why don’t they just do it? Because they do not know the other reciprocates their feelings. Dumb? Yes. What if they get rejected and lose the other’s friendship? It is a no no.

You felt like you were building the courage to rest your body on him, but he got up in the wrong moment, asking if you wanted cake, talking about all the process he went to make it. Externally, you smiled and said “sure”. Mentally, you cursed.

When he came back to the living room, his hands were full with two plates of chocolate cake and a bottle of sparkling wine. After helping him, you were again seated beside each other, trying to fill your minds with something other than the warmth the other was giving away, which was proved incredibly hard for him, since he could not not pay attention on her giggles every time the main couple on the TV did something cute, she kept biting her lips to fight the urge to smile wide, and he did the same because she was so cute while watching romance things — there was a reason why he never got tired of watching k-dramas along with her.

— Hwa… Hwa! — he got out of his own in-love trance after hearing the cause of it calling him. — It’s almost midnight already!

— Is it? What time is it?

— Three minutes to midnight. Come with me.

— What? Where?

You smiled and took his hands. It was now or never. I don’t care if he rejects me, I need him to know my feelings, it’s my new year resolution. You opened the glass door that gave way to the balcony and pushed Seonghwa gently on the side grid.

— Y/N, what are you doing?

— Just wait, okay?

He nodded, hugging you and rubbing your back when he saw you shivering because of the cold. Maybe skinship was not that strong on your relationship, however both of you were okay with it, you kind of wished it would happen often, so every time you touched hands or shared a hug felt like you had ascended to heaven. Your heart felt lighter and you could not help your big smile.

— Too cold? — Seonghwa questioned in a low voice, still rubbing your back with his delicate, big hands. — Should we go back inside.

— A little, but no. I have something to say.

From the TV inside the apartment, you heard a commercial initiating the countdown.

“10, 9, 8…”

You took the man’s hands, holding and caressing them like they were made of crystal. He smiled, not thinking too much of it, just appreciating the physical contact his crush was giving him.

Now or never. Now or never. Now or never!

— I like you, Hwa! Please, accept my feelings.

“7, 6, 5…”

He said nothing, too shocked to form words. Nevertheless, you kept going:

— I’m going to kiss you now. You can push me away if you want.

“4, 3…”

— Would never dare. — He breathed out the three words and cupped your face.

“2, 1… Happy new year!”

You took a step forward, gently tugging on his neck so your lips could meet in the most desired kiss in the past months. Your lips fit his plump and pinkish ones perfectly, as it was meant to be. His mouth tasted sweet, both from the cake and the sparkling wine. His hands held your face fearing it was a dream. Fireworks exploded in the sky, as it did in your stomachs.

However, you broke the kiss to hide your face on Seonghwa’s shoulder, and not knowing what happened, he hugged and asked loud enough to be heard:

— What’s wrong? Did I do something you didn’t like?

— I don’t like fireworks. Too loud!

Without wasting more time, he took you back inside and closed the balcony door. Leaving you on the couch, Seonghwa went to the kitchen and got the other bottle of sparkling wine, opening it without making a mess, and the Pringles and chocolate you had brought. He put those things on top of the center table and filled your glasses, proposing a toast in the name of the new year.

— It brought me love already, so I just want peace, health and success for the world.

— Cheers! — You lifted your glass happily, but got scared by another loud firework.

Chuckling, he sat beside you and finally cuddled your body on his.

— No need to be scared, I’m here to protect you now.

— My hero — you joked, sipping your gold alcoholic drink to hide your nervousness. He kissed me because he likes me too, right? He said he would never dare to push me away, so it is reciprocated, right?

Interrupting your thoughts, Seonghwa pecked your lips, cupping your face and pulling away before you could even notice.

— I didn’t say it outside, but I like you too, and if you want the first change of the year… I can be it for you.

Was it really happening?

— Pinch me first. — Giggling, he pinched and kissed your cheek. — Definitely real. I want it.

— Happy new year, Hwa.

— Happy new year, dear.

And this was how they spent the night: drinking sparkling wine and mixing Pringles, chocolate and cake, stealing quick shy salty and sweet pecks from each other. Finally, two lonely hearts met and began to beat in sync.

- [happy new year] -

#kpop imagines #ateez imagines #ateez fluff #ateez scenarios #seonghwa fluff #seonghwa fanfic #ateez x reader #seonghwa x reader #hongjoong #yeosang #yunho #mingi #san #wooyoung #jongho

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geshertzarmeod · 4 years

Text

Favorite Books of 2020

I wanted to put together a list! I read 74 new books this year, and I keep track of that on Goodreads - feel free to add or follow me if you want to see everything! I’m going to focus on the highlights, and the books that stuck with me personally in one way or another, in approximate order. Also, all but two of them (#5 and #7 on the honorable mention list) are queer/trans in some way. Links are to Goodreads, but if you’re looking to get the books, I suggest your library, the Libby app using your library, your local bookstore, or Bookshop.

The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions by Larry Mitchell, illus. by Ned Asta (originally published 1977). I had a hard beginning of the year and was in a work environment where my queerness was just not welcomed or wanted. I read this in the middle of all of that, and it helped me so much. I took this book with me everywhere. I read it on planes. I read it on the bus, and on trains, and at shul. I showed it to friends... sometimes at shul, or professional development conferences. It healed my soul. Now I can’t find it and might get a new copy. When I reviewed it, in February, I wrote: “I think we all need this book right now, but I really needed this book right now. Wow. This book is magic, and brings back a sense of magic and beauty to my relationship with the world.” Also I bought my copy last July, in a gay bookstore on Castro St. in SF, and that in itself is just beautiful to me. (Here’s a post I made with some excerpts)

Once & Future duology, especially the sequel, Sword in the Stars, by A.R. Capetta and Cory McCarthy. Cis pansexual female King Arthur Ari Helix (she's the 42nd reincarnation and the first female one) in futuristic space with Arab ancestry (but like, from a planet where people from that area of earth migrated to because, futuristic space) works to end Future Evil Amazon.com Space Empire with her found family with a token straight cis man and token white person. Merlin is backwards-aging so he's a gay teenager with a crush and thousands of years of baggage. The book’s entire basis is found family, and it's got King Arthur in space. And the sequel hijacks the original myth and says “fuck you pop culture, it was whitewashed and straightwashed, there were queer and trans people of color and strong women there the whole time.” Which is like, my favorite thing to find in media, and a big part of why I love Xena so much. It’s like revisionist history to make it better except it’s actually probably true in ways. Anyway please read these books but also be prepared for an absolutely absurd and wild ride. Full disclosure though, I didn’t love the first book so much, it’s worth it for the sequel!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum. This book hurt. It still hurts. But it was so good. It took me on a whole journey, and brought me to my destination just like it intended the whole time. The author’s note at the end made me cry! The sheer NEED from this book, the way the main relationship develops and shifts, and how you PERCEIVE the main relationship develops and shifts. I’m in awe of Ancrum’s writing. If you like your ships feral and needy and desperate and wanting and D/S vibes and lowkey super unhealthy but with the potential, with work, to become healthy and beautiful and right, read this book. This might be another one to check trigger warnings for though.

The Entirety of The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty. I hadn’t heard of this series until this year, when a good friend recommended it to me. It filled the black hole in me left by Harry Potter. The political and mystical/fantasy world building is just *chef’s kiss* - the complexity! The morally grey, everyone’s-done-awful-things-but-some-people-are-still-trying-to-do-good tapestry! The ROMANCE oh my GOD the romance. If I’m absolutely fully invested in a heterosexual romance you know a book is good, but also this book had background (and then later less background) queer characters! And the DRAMA!!! The third book went in a direction that felt a little out of nowhere but honestly I loved the ride. I stayed up until 6am multiple times reading this series and I’d do it again.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon. I loved this book so much that it’s the only book I reviewed on my basically abandoned attempt at a book blog. This book is haunting, horrifying, disturbing, dark, but so, so good. The character's voices were so specific and clear, the relationships so clearly affected by circumstance and yet loving in the ways they could be. This is my favorite portrayal of gender maybe ever, it’s just... I don’t even have the words but I saw a post @audible-smiles made about it that’s been rattling in my head since. And, “you gender-malcontent. You otherling,” as tender pillow talk??? Be still my heart. Be ready, though, this book has all the triggers.. it’s a .

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. This book called me out on my perspective on love. Also, it made me cry a lot. And it has two different interesting well-written romance storylines. And a realistic coming-into-identity narrative about a Black trans demiboy. And a nuanced discussion of college plans and what one might do after college. And some big beautiful romcom moments. I wish I had it in high school. I’m so glad I have it now! (trigger warning for transphobia & outing, but the people responsible are held accountable by the end, always treated as not okay by the narrative, and the MC’s friends, and like... this is ownvoices and it’s GOOD.)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. My Goodreads review says, “I have no idea what happened, and I loved it.” That’s not wrong, but to delve deeper, this book has an ethereal feeling that you get wrapped up in while reading. Nothing makes sense but that’s just as it should be. You’re hooked. It is so atmospheric, so meta, so fascinating. I’ve seen so many people say they interpreted this character or that part or the ending in all different ways and it all makes sense. And it’s all of this with a gay main character and romance and the central theme, the central pillar being a love of and devotion to stories. Of course I was going to love it.

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. “Because maybe what really matters isn’t whether something is true, or false. Maybe what matters is the story itself; what kinds of doors it opens, what kinds of dreams it brings.” This book was so good and paradigm shifting. It reminded me of #1 on this list in the way it turns real life experience and hard, tragic ones at that (in this case, of being a trans girl of color who leaves home and tries to make a life for herself in the city, with its violence), into a beautiful, haunting fable. Once upon a time.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. I need to reread this book, as I read it during my most tranceful time of 2020 and didn’t write a review, so I forgot a lot. What I do remember is beautiful and important nonbinary representation, a really cute romance, an interesting parental and familial/sibling dynamic that was both heartbreaking and hopeful, and an on-page therapy storyline. Also Mason Deaver just left twitter but was an absolutely hilarious troll on it before leaving and I appreciate that (and they just published a Christmas novella that I have but haven’t read yet!)

The Truth Is by NoNieqa Ramos. It took a long time to trust this book but I’m so glad I did. It’s raw and real and full of grief and trauma (trigger warnings, that I remember, for grief, death (before beginning of book), and gun violence). The protagonist is flawed and gets to grow over the course of the book, and find her own place, and learn from the people around her, while they also learn to understand her and where she’s coming from. It’s got a gritty, harsh, and important portrayal of found family, messy queerness, and some breathtaking quotes. When I was 82% through this book I posted this update: “This book has addressed almost all of my initial hesitations, and managed to complicate itself beautifully.”

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro. I wasn’t actually in the best mental health place to read this book when I did (didn’t quite understand what it was) but it definitely reminded me of what there is to fight against and to fight for, and broke my heart, and nudged me a bit closer to hope. The naturally diverse cast of characters was one of the best parts of this book. The romance is so sweet and tender and then so painful. This book is important and well-written but read it with caution and trigger warnings - it’s about grief and trauma and racism and police brutality, but also about love and community.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden. This is a sci-fi/fantasy/specfic mashup that takes place in near-future South Africa and has world-building myths with gods and demigoddesses and a trip to the world of the dead but also a genetically altered hallucinogenic drug that turns people into giant animals and a robot uprising and a political campaign and a transgender pop star and a m/m couple and all of them are connected. It’s bonkers. Like, so, so absolutely mind-breaking weird. And I loved it.

Crier’s War and Iron Heart by Nina Varela. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED the amount of folktales they told each other with queer romances as integral to those stories, especially in Iron Heart. A conversation between the two leads where Crier says she wants to read Ayla like a book, and Ayla says she’s not a book, and Crier explains all the different ways she wants to know Ayla, like a person, and wants to deserve to know her like a person, made me weak. It lives in my head rent-free.

Queen’s Shadow by E.K. Johnston @ekjohnston . I listened to this book on Libby and then immediately listened to it at least one more time, maybe twice, before my borrow time ran out. I love Padmé, and just always wish that female Star Wars characters got more focus and attention and this book gave me that!! And queer handmaidens! And the implication that Sabé is in love with Padmé and that’s just something that will always be true and she will always be devoted and also will make her own life anyway. And the Star Wars audiobooks being recorded the way they are with background sounds and music means it feels like watching a really long detailed beautiful Star Wars movie just about Padmé and her handmaidens.

Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. I needed to read this. The way Tobia talks about their experience of gender within the contexts of college, college leadership, and career, hit home. I kept trying to highlight several pages in a row on my kindle so I could go back and read them after it got returned to the library (sadly it didn’t work - it cuts off highlights after a certain number of characters). The way they talk about TOKENISM they way they talk about the responsibilities of the interviewer when an interviewee holds marginalized identities especially when no one else in the room does!!! Ahhhh!!!

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutskie. Disclaimer for this one that the author was rightfully criticized for writing a Black main character as a white author (and how the story ended up playing into some fucked up stuff that I can’t really unpack without spoiling). But also, the author has been working to move forward knowing she can’t change the past, has donated her proceeds, and this book is really good? It has all the fanfic tropes, so much delicious tension, a totally unexpected plot twist that had me immediately rereading the book. This book was super fun and also kind of just really really good Star Wars fanfiction.

How To Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune. This book was so sweet, and cute, and hopeful, and both ridiculous and so real. I had some trouble getting used to Gus’ voice and internal monologue, but I got into it and then loved every bit after. The ace rep is something I’ve never seen like this before (and have barely read any ace books but still this was so fleshed out and well rounded and not just like, ‘they’re obsessed with swords not sex’ - looking at you, Once & Future - and leaving it there.) This all felt like a slice of life and I feel like I learned about people while reading it. Some of the moments are so, so funny, some are vaguely devastating. I have been personally victimized by TJ Klune for how he ends this book (a joke, you will know once you read it) but it also reminds me of the end of the “You Are There” episode of Xena and we all know what the answer to that question was.... and I choose to believe the answer here was similar.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. I wish I had this book when I was in high school. I honestly have complicated feelings about prom and haven’t really been seeking out contemporary YA so I was hesitant to read this but it was so good and so well-written, and had a lot of depth to it. The movie (and Broadway show) “The Prom” wants what this book has.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. I never read horror books, so this was a new thing for me. I loved the feeling of this book, the way I felt fully immersed. I loved how entirely queer it was. I was interested in the characters and the relationships, even though we didn’t have a full chance to go super deep into any one person but rather saw the connections between everyone and the way the stories matched up with each other. I just wanted a bit of a more satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: reread in 2020 but read for the first time pre-2020

Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I couldn’t make this post without mentioning this book. It got me through this year. I love this book so much; I think of this book all the time. This book made me want to find love for myself. You’ve all heard about it enough but if you haven’t read this book what are you DOING.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan @sarahreesbrennan . I reread this one over and over too, both as text and as an audiobook. I went for walks when I had lost my earbuds and had Elliott screaming about an elf brothel loudly playing and got weird looks from someone walking their dog. I love this book so much. It’s just so fun, and so healing to read a book reminiscent of all the fantasies I read as a kid, but with a bi main character and a deconstruction of patriarchy and making fun of the genre a bit. Also, idiots to lovers is a great trope and it’s definitely in this book.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book is forever so important to me. I am always drawn in by how tenderly Sáenz portrays his characters. These boys. These boys and their parents. I love them. I love them so much. This is another one where I don’t even know what to say. I have more than 30 pages in my tag for this book. I have “arda” set as a keyboard shortcut on my phone and laptop to turn into the full title. This book saved my life.

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book hurts to read - it’s a story about trauma, about working through that trauma, healing enough to be ready to hold the worst memories, healing enough to move through the pain and start to make a life. It’s about found family and love and pain and I love it. It’s cathartic. And it’s a little bit quietly queer in a beautiful way, but that’s not the focus. Look up trigger warnings (they kind of are spoilery so I won’t say them here but if you have the potential to be triggered please look them up or ask me before reading)

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine. When asked what my all time favorite book is, it’s usually this one. Gail Carson Levine has been doing live readings at 11am since the beginning of the pandemic shut down in the US, and the first book she read was Ella Enchanted. I’ve been slowly reading it to @mssarahpearl and am just so glad still that it has the ability to draw me in and calm me down and feels like home after all this time. This book is about agency. I love it.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman @chronicintrovert . I’ve had this on my all-time-faves list since I read it a few years ago and ended up rereading it this year before sending a gift copy to a friend, so I could write little notes in it. It felt a little different reading it this time - as I get further away from being a teenager myself, the character voice this book is written in takes a little longer to get used to, but it’s so authentic and earnest and I love it. I absolutely adore this book about platonic love and found family and fandom and mental illness and abuse and ace identity and queerness and self-determination, especially around college and career choices. Ahhh. Thank you Alice Oseman!!!

Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray @claudiagray . I have this one on audible and reread it several times this year. I love the fleshing out of Leia’s story before the original trilogy, I love her having had a relationship before Han, and the way it would have affected her perspective. I also am intrigued by the way it analyses the choices the early rebellion had to make... I just, I love all the female focused new Star Wars content and the complexity being brought to the rebellion.

#red white and royal blue #aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe #osemanverse #star wars #queer books #lgbtq books #books #alice oseman #miri personal #wow this took so long but was so worth it!#long post #book recs #PS: if you've read any of these or have questions about any of these books #this is your formal invitation to talk to me about them!!!! even if i don't know you at all!#even if i don't follow you and even if you don't follow me!#my ask box is open anon is on!#original content

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