#Praying it only takes a couple of months to heal

[impistry]

Just some real talk for a moment regarding my upcoming shoulder surgery on the 15th

I know for the last year and 9 months I haven't been very active art-wise, and the shoulder surgery I'm going to have in less than 3 weeks is the main driver behind that. Kind of hard to do art when you are in constant pain with your dominant arm, and all of the non-surgical options we tried just didn't really seem to help (3 injections, Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy for 4 months, Exercises since last March, etc). As of right now I'm looking at 4-6 months of healing after surgery, which also means I'm most likely going to be lacking in much content to share (this includes sewing as well as drawing). I'm hoping that it doesn't take half a year to recover, but so long as I can get full functionality back with my arm, then so be it. I know some folks talk about art-related injuries happening due to bad practices, but this isn't one of those cases. In my case I just ended up with a bum deal and it was just a combination of life stuff that led to this (final nail in the coffin though was helping to remove snow in early Jan 2022), and not how I was choosing to do art. I know I'm going to be HELLA rusty by the time I heal, so it's going to take a while of doing bad art before I can get good again. I do have plans of things I want to work on once I can (working on the comic script currently actually), but please bare with me for the next little while if I happen to drop off the face of the internet, cause I won't be gone forever, I'll just be quite for a while.

[dex0s]

—♡DOUMA X MALE READER WARNING: smut, non-con, cannibalism?, douma, reader having a huge chest, thoracic area called boobs/tits, daddy kink, face sitting, breeding kink, semi-public?, incest?, cliffhanger ending (only because I’m lazy), not proof read

A/N— okay I know I was gone for like 2 months but um— yeah

You were a member of his cult and your older sister got sick to the point she had to stay in bed instead of praying to your demon lord. For the past couple days you had been asking your lord to heal your sister. And at first DOUMA was uninterested or just ignored you but then he got a full look at you. (H/c) hair, beautiful bright (e/c) eyes, nice face, well shaped body, and lastly YOUR CHEST. Oh and how he was so in love.

“Oh look a new play thing. Just. For. Me~ and ONLY me~”

After that you notice changes. One, Douma would ONLY look at you if you in the room but the moment you leave his face becomes disinterested (even if he doesn’t have emotions he feels like his life just decrease by a life time). Two, you ALWAYS feel like you’re being watched no matter what you doing or where you are, there are always RAINBOW EYES watching. And three, when you go and pray to your lord you can notice the lust in his eyes like a predator eyeing their next meal.

“I can’t believe I haven’t noticed you sooner… I wonder if that man will let me keep you~ who know maybe I will quit bugging him~”

Knowing damn well that man can hear him

One time you went to douma and asked for his blessing so your sister could get better and by pure coincidence your sister gotten better and could move around better then before. You thanked douma for the blessing but even tho it was a complete coincidence douma wanted more than just a thanks. He gave you his blessing and healed your sister. He wants more and he will get want he wants whether you want it or not .

HaAh~ Oh you tastes Sooo~ good~ Your so good—Fuck! for daddy~

Grinding your hips into the pillow while Douma is thrusting in and out your ass. “Ahh~ you look like dog when you do that~” Douma said, moving his hand up your body and stopping at your chest. “W-wait~AH!” Slamming his cock back in he starts to grope your chest. “Hmm! What a— good boy you are, so good— for daddy” you start to feel yourself about to release and you try to warn your lord but all that came out was babbles. Douma seem to notice this and started to go even harder on you hearing your gummy walls take him in and out and all the noise you were making made him even more hard then white sticky cum came out your dick but that didn’t stop Douma in fact he decided to switch it up a lot bit.

He lifts you over his face, your legs are shaking then slams you down on his face. Taking his long slimy tongue starting with kitty licks, suddenly roughly gripping your thighs and full on eating your ass like there’s no tomorrow. When the door opens (you didn’t even notice at first) it reveals your sister. Your sister was in shock, she didn’t know you had a side like this. Hearing your moans and the licks your sister can feel a wet spot in her undergarment. While your sister was standing there Douma could smell her wetness and started to get upset.

“Why is she here.”

“She needs to leave can’t she see I’m playing with my plaything.”

“It’s her fault he’s in this situation”

“She shouldn’t be so selfish and get sick”

“You know what… It’s show time”

Taking out his tongue from your ass, he moves you to his lap. Picking you up with your legs wrapped around his waist Douma starts to walk to your sister. “You know it’s rude to stare” using one of his free hands and roughly grabbing your sister’s chin forcing her to look at his rainbow eyes. “W-what are you doing to my brother!” Yelled out your sister that was trying to force Douma’s hand off of her and trying to reach for you, when Douma grabs the hand that was reaching for you and pulling it off her body. Finally snapping out the trance you hear a bloody cuddling scream. Turning your head around to see your sister on the ground clutching her shoulder but before you can say anything you were placed on the ground on all fours in front of your sister.

“Why don’t we put a show on for your sister~ hmm dear~”

[libraryraccoon]

Hi, I would like to request Alastor with a reader who is like the Trailblazer from Star rail please

I just like to think that their dynamic would drive everyone up the walls

- Alastor unleashing Trailblazer!Reader on the world

Gender : GN

Pronouns : None

Message of Raccoon : Alastor with a Caelus/Trailblazer!Reader but it's mostly crack.

Alastor

First of all, you look like a raccoon.

I'm not the one who makes the rules.

You were, in fact, an angel.

But you were fallen because you rummaged through people's trash…

So now you're in Hell.

Alastor met you shortly after you arrived, you were beating up demons with an angelic baseball bat when he found you.

He immediately found you interesting, because :

You had an angelic weapon, a baseball bat. It was the first time he had seen a baseball bat as an angelic weapon.

You were a raccoon demon and you were in a fight. Raccoon demons, according to popular belief, were people who flew unnoticed and fled from any type of battle; they didn't like to fight.

You were beautiful.

But, like, the kind of beauty that was misused.

With all these points taken into account, yes he find you interesting.

Alastor came to talk to you before taking you to the Hazbin Hotel.

Over time, he understood that you were the exception who confirmed the rule on raccoon demons.

Why ? Because you were a being of chaos.

Not a day went by without someone seeing you running through hell, angelic baseball bat in hand, creating chaos and destroying everything.

Carmilla brought him to her neighborhood one day at 3AM because you were creating chaos there.

He swears that it's you who create the principle of chaos.

And when you're not creating chaos, you're rummaging through trash…

How Alastor even began to love you is a mystery even he doesn't have the answer to.

When Alastor realized that he love you, he had two reactions :

“Holy shit I can be in love.” Coming off the aromantic 'can't feel romantic feelings at all' spectrum was NOT one of the things he wanted this year.

“HOLY SHIT I FALL FOR THE VIOLENT RACCOON FROM HELL”

Denial. Instantly.

It took him 3 months to come out of the first phase of the grief, the denial.

Not about being able to love, no, he accepted that.

But falling in love with you ?

Hell nah.

It took him 4 months to accept it, finally coming out of his grief.

He complained to Rosie about it, 100%.

“How could I fall for someone like that..” -Alastor, totally done with all this shit.

“Look on the bright side, Y/N is handsome.” -Rosie, not understanding the seriousness of the situation.

He didn't confess, praying that his feelings would go away.

It was you who confess.

He helped you heal some of your wounds, and you just said "Thank you, I love you." Before kissing his forehead and leaving, like if it was normal.

After that, you got the "you can touch me but not too much" pass, which allowed you to touch Alastor.

And you use it too often at Alastor's opinion.

Now, when you're not digging through trash, not doing what you were created for (chaos), you stay with Alastor.

People don't fuck with Alastor anymore, not because they're afraid to be in his radio show, oh no no ! They didn't want to meet the madman that he call his partner.

You two are the most feared duo/couple in Hell.

Even if in truth you are just two people who love each other and love chaos.

Alastor entertained himself by watching the chaos you created. It's canon, I don't make the rules.

The Hazbin Hotel crew judges you so LOUD.

Charlie is the only one to support you two with Niffty.

Angel Dust asks too many questions for his well-being about you and the history of your relationship.

Vaggie is, and always will be, shocked to see you touch Alastor without consequences, or even to see you kiss him.

Husk asked you how you can love Alastor...

You took 3 hours for explaining the why-

No one asked after that.

Sir Pentious was just like "🧍‍♂️ does that mean you're Alastor's weakness ?"

Lucifer give you a lot of side eyes.

No, I won't elaborate.

Vox tried to kidnap you…

…

There was a week without Vox on TV, and every time someone mentioned your name, he flinched.

Let's not even talk about when he sees you after that..

Alastor himself doesn't want to know what you did to him.

You are the more affectionate and touchy one in the relationship.

Alastor always knows what you are thinking by your expressions.

The day you told him you were an angel and why you were sent to Hell, he was shocked.

Because, how on the 7 circles of Hell, a being of chaos was an angel ??

He just asked "How can an angel be so chaotic ?"

And you just shrugged your shoulders.

You yourself didn't know how you got to Heaven in the first place-

I just know that you touch his ears and his deer tail as soon as you are in private, and that even before being a couple.

You're just a 'I need to touch everything' person.

Alastor tried to get you to stop digging through the trash, but he never succeeded.

Alastor loves you, yes, but sometimes (read : often) he wishes he didn't.

[sweetheartsaku]

—HAIKYU!! various ; better in the dark

a/n ; [gn!reader] how deep is your love pt 2???!?!! AND YES!! the title is a tv girl reference :3c please dont let this flop!! praying that all the ppl who found pt 1 found this 🥹🩷 tysm for all the notes everyone!! <3

— characters : akaashi, kenma, kita, semi, kageyama, suna

part 1 ! ♡ oikawa, osamu, tsukishima, hinata, sakusa, kuroo

tea roses !

keiji akaashi ; tip toe - HYBS

THIS MAN. he will take you out on absolutely BEAUTIFUL dates. they are scheduled and well thought out, all without you knowing. knows what you like, can predict what you order, where you will sit or do, and KNOWS how to fluster you effortlessly. UNSPOKEN RIZZ AT ITS FINEST YOUR HONOUR!!

at one point he had to resort to the notes app to write what you're like but had realised he had subconsciously memorised all of it by heart. deleted it and still knows you like the back of his hand!!

weirdly knows how to pick the best candles.

the warm, nostalgic smelling ones. candles that are the perfect dash of nostalgia, that feel comforting and warm. i wonder if its in the brain or an instinct thing

for anniversaries or literally just whenever, he makes paper flower bouquets. they are so intricate and every little detail, colour and fold makes it so perfect. in-between classes or when he finishes work early, he'll be nonchalantly folding another smaller flower for the arrangement. he does it so effortlessly too 😭!!

sometimes likes to fiddle with your fingers especially if you wear rings. one of the only and very sweet moments of PDA!! gently rubs his fingertips over your knuckles and tracing all the lines. i need an akaashi keiji in my life

will send you the most beautiful, heart-wrenching and mesmerising poems at an insane hour. you'll wake up with a couple paragraphs about how important healing or taking one step at a time is, making sure you fall in love with yourself everyday too. (please do)

kozume kenma ; cherry wine - grentperez

facinated by painted nails. on holidays he might paint them black, or maybe get a little cat sticker on his index!! pick the colour he'll love it either way

cherishes your little trinkets so much 😞 polaroid of you two and stickers on the back of his phonecase, keeps some of the random stuff you give him in his pocket. you could find a rock you gave him like 3 months ago but he kept it because you said it reminded you of him??

perfectly able and capable to order things by himself, but you know he isn't the type of guy to actually seem to WANT to do it. he is too lazy to actually get up but not lazy enOUGH when it comes to you. he might hide behind you. "HE SAID NO PICKLES!!"

CRAZY beef with your plushies. or anything you hold dear honestly. he can and will get pouty. BEWARE!! you must give him a lil' kiss to earn his attention back. (loves the forehead ones)

sometimes he forgets or just doesn't want to eat. it will get to the extent where you have to spoon feed him,,please remind and encourage him to ! eating, sleeping... just can't do it without a little push.

does this thing with his hands when you cross the road. i don't wanna say grabby hands because its pretty cringe, but it is definitely grabby hands. has no idea why he does it but its such a sweet and small gesture╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ !

cat parents but not exactly cat parents? 🤔 you found this stray cat once, and started visiting it everyday on the way to school. you cared for it, and when kenma picked that up he was also instantly fond of it too. now you both kinda feed it your leftover lunch when you visit the cat after school.. he's so precious with the little cat ueue.. take pictures before the moment fleets!

has the date you two met written on his controller... (he was so hesistant at first though LMAO)

shinsuke kita ; old love - yuji, putri dahlia

uses your initial for math variables. he'll use x or y sometimes, but his first option is ALWAYS your initial. you found this out on a study date once, math talk blablabla and he uses to what seems to you a 'random letter' NO. it is your initial!! 😞 when you ask he seems unfazed, but his ears are pretty red... idk guys i think he wants you

one of the people that make you stiffen up when they get physical. when he lays his head on your shoulder you instantly freeze up, trying not to move a BONE so you won't disturb him. it's like muscle memory to you LMAO.

really pretty, long lashes... if you've read part one, oikawa and tsuki are very similar :0!! loves when you graze his lashes with the back of your index finger

like akaashi, learnt how to make flowers but they're crochet 🥹 i think growing up his grandma had taught him how to crochet and all the little patterns. overtime, dedicated himself to making an arrangement every anniversary... they come with little heartfelt letters too!! (kita boyfie material COME HOME!!)

very routinal as well!! like kuroo (he is the full package) he never misses a morning or night to say good morning or good night. AND he places sticky notes around your desk or places he knows you'll be in reminding you to smile or something along those lines !!

what took the cake for me was when he left a little bag filled with goodies once he realised atsumu was sick 😣 definitely does the same for you... sends bag with a bowl of hot soup his grandma made at your front door

eita semi ; i wish you roses - kali uchis

weirdly immersed in the painting of nails as well. sometimes he'll ask you to paint his in black but he got dress-coded a week later 😓 SIKE gives NO shat and kept them on anyway. they are way too valuable to him to just erase. nails done in a simple colour he likes?? by his s/o?? wiped off?? very funny shiratorizawa

i think + the neighborhood, he likes tv girl, kendrick lamar, childish gambino but has a duality of laufey and beabadoobee's bedroom pop and fuzzy rock??

sick of people making arctic monkeys his personality 😞 musicians arise!! apart from the VBC, hes probably in a band too. small gigs here and there for school, and a few fun sessions with his friends just to play whatever. come to his gigs! (sometimes he'll magically play 10x better when you're around, he says)

share earphones with him PLEASE. on rainy bus rides or walks home, he'll play something you like hehe c:

takes you out to the mall closest to shiratorizawa to go pick up some fast food or a drink. it usually gets really crowded from all the surrounding schools so he keeps you close by the waist

and obviously the basic, will sit with you and teach you the basics of bass or electric guitar. i think he'd play a bit of percussion too (о´∀`о) sometimes he'll take you into his lap, but thats when he feels pretty clingy but very discreetly!!

tobio kageyama ; what would i do? - strawberry guy

please don't try to flirt with him he WON'T UNDERSTAND!!!! *gunshots*

if you say literally anything that isn't directly stating your point, he will not get it. using metaphors or just figurative language in general he is STRUGGLING. you need to say, "you're pretty." because things like "i fall in love with you every day" or "i'll find you in every universe" he will actually look at you BAFFLED. please help this man

thinks about what YOU would do. like when he is in doubt or feels like he's about to lash out, he will take a moment and literally ask himself what you'd do or say. even in tests or something completely unrelated to you he will literally ask himself what you would put in the answer box !!

face scrunch when he gets jealous ! he kinda has a lil' pout but can't bring himself to say anything. when you finally notice him he'll have this lil' (๑ˋ^ˊ ๑) face... please kiss his eyelid or the corner of lips cuz HE HAS TOO MANY PRETTY BOY PRIVILEGES!! (and he'll get flustered it's the cutest) revoke them THIS instant!!

his favourite type of kisses are the ones where you'll push his hair back and give him a forehead kiss. he'll take you in by the waist and keep you close, he likes to listen to your heart because you have his. when he feels clingy, he'll nuzzle his head into your shoulder. what a dork

will attempt to find you at his games pre and post timeskip. before the game he will try to make it not look frantic but one of his members eventually catch on 😞

rintarou suna ; SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK - joji

camera roll is either 0.5's of the most jaw dropping, majestical sunsets and sunrises that he's experienced with you or literally anytime the sky is feeling a little different (if he's not with you at the time he WILL send them to you at either 5am or 7pm saying it reminded him of you) or the CRAZIEST 0.5's of you losing sanity or of you off guard. its wild blackmail material but he chooses not to LMAO. (because of the love in his heart, he says)

has a little photo album for you and anything you related!! he also takes the best candid photos of you and post them on close friends!! (´∀｀)

no. #1 victim of couple tiktok trends. pretends and looks like he doesn't like it, but doesn't want it to end. once you press post he will stare you down with his beautiful ahh olive hazel eyes (he wants more)

last one on the social med side, he mentions you in posts with your initials all the FLIPPIN' TIME!! his dedication is quite endearing

on days where everything becomes overstimulating, he will notice. will eye you for a while, but once he knows when it gets to a certain extent he will hand you an earphone.

anyone who says suna is an arctic monkey's listener is a LIAR I SAID IT I SAID IT!!!!! *more gunshots* JOKES he probably has a couple of their songs in his playlist, but i personally think he's more tyler the creator coded. people who get it get it (avril lavigne sk8r boi? keshi beside you? definitely)

hot adams apple

[blueberrypancakesworld]

The fathers of Rome

Marcus/Geta/Caracalla x wife!reader

warning : fluff, comfort, crying, kissing a bit emotional, birth, family issues, written before the movie came out characters may be different

Summary : Two Emperors and the general of the army all had important duties and responsibilities but by the grace of the gods and with devotion of love the three most influential men find themselves with the news of a pregnant wife. Each of them has a slightly different approach to taking care of his pregnant wife and the birth, because a birth could always go wrong and the gods were rarely merciful.

info : I wanted to write something sweet for the three of them and I know that they could be good fathers (if you romanticize a little bit) now have fun reading and have a nice day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marcus

It was thought that the battlefield was his home and the sword was his wife but few knew that in a vast field of olive trees and wheat fields stood a large villa in which a woman lived with a small household and prayed between her altars to the gods that her beloved husband would return home safely.

A story of a leader of the army of Rome and his wife a former oracle who met him, foretold him his future yet his eyes, his voice and his being would not depart from her own prophecies.

An initial love of safety in times of peace, she appreciated his protective nature in a world that belonged almost entirely to Rome, danger still lurked everywhere. He, in turn, was captured by her grace and care, this devotion to those in need or to himself when she waited on him to heal his wounds and the two felt safe and complete together.

A husband who rushed home on horseback so fast he rode to her from the support posts when the emperors called him back the sleep was won she saw the shadow on the horizon from the balcony and even mounted her horse to meet him, ,,My heart" he embraced her each time still seeing the dirt and emaciation on him after being away for months sometimes years.

His hands closed around her, an embrace, a heartfelt kiss, tears in her eyes when she finally saw him again before they rode back to the villa together, she helped him bathe and wash her before he pulled her into the water himself, not wanting to leave her side and unable to do so for too long, he had missed her, not only her lovely eyes, her voice that he loved to listen to, her hair that he ran through and her hands that he clasped every time he wanted to be close to her but couldn't in public.

But with such intimacy comes love and with love comes desire, desire for each other, desire for each other's bodies and this desire was pursued many nights and on some bright days they were also close until he had to leave again, for the next raid not knowing that only two months after he was gone he received a letter with scrawled writing full of excitement.

A letter that moved him to tears when he read it for the first time, ,,I'm going…to be a father" he mumbled to himself in his tent above and above he realized that love for each other would grow into a life, a little baby that would look like both of them and a big smile stayed on his lips as he hurriedly wrote back to her expressing his joy and his heart, how excited he was himself, how proud he was of her and how much he loved her and praying to the gods that the battle would be won quickly.

The letters changed from weekly to daily as her pregnancy progressed and he received drawings of what she looked like, along with dried flowers she was growing that were made into tea and tinctures to help her body.

The couple were happy with words, kisses seemed to spread across the infinity and she was sent a piece of clothing by Marcus and remembered that he would return to her and their child.

Everything went well until he received the letter that she would go into labor in the next few days, the war took longer than expected, but it was the first and only time he gave his sergeant the lead and started the journey back on his own responsibility, which would take several days, but he had to go to her the fear and worry that something could go wrong that he would lose her or that the child was not healthy.

Fear and worry clutched at his heart as he drove his horse faster and faster as fast as he could back home where he burst through the front door and heard the screams of pain that scared him to death calling her name, he hurried up the stairs to the shared bedroom where he found her crouching by the bed, apparently lying down would lead to complications.

,,Love I'm-I'm here everything will be fine" he murmured hastily pressing kisses on her hand which she immediately grasped painfully and screamed again as she tried to get their child out of her, he could still see the love for him in her tear-stained eyes on her sweat-smeared body they were both covered in blood from the death of the battlefield and the birth of new life as she continued to push and the midwife helped her too.

She screamed out his name her pain and Marcus became more and more afraid of losing her with every pain she had as she continued to hold her giving her courage and hope when his own hands trembled as he heard the ,,I can see the head my lady keep pushing" from the midwife who did everything she could to make the birth as easy as possible.

,,You can do it my heart I'm here push again" he whispered to her as she looked at him in pain he saw the fear and yet the deniability that he was with her before she let out one last scream and he heard a bright scream next to blood splattering on the floor, a bright scream that echoed and seemed never to stop.

,,Congratulations, a healthy baby boy!" the older woman announced, dabbing the newborn baby lightly before wrapping him in linen so he could be held better, while Marcus helped his wife back onto the bed, covering her lightly and giving her a long kiss, ,,I am so very proud my darling," he whispered placing a kiss on her head, before taking his son in his arms, those light, dark hairs on the delicate head belonging to him but the pretty eyes were hers.

His eyes filled with tears of pride and reassurance as he stroked his son and gave her the little bundle she clutched, ,,A piece of love from both of us," she uttered, crying with happiness as she looked into her son's curious face and he chuckled at her as the two parents spent the next few hours together on the bed with pure happiness as the little baby went from laughing with gurgling laughter, to crying and finally falling asleep exhausted in the equally exhausted arms of his parents.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Geta

The younger but stronger emperor of Rome, the warrior and leader who did not subordinate himself and enjoyed the Coloseum. A young man whose golden lure was not the only thing that seemed to be gold, he bought and made whatever he wanted, be it new armor, a sword, an army or even slaves that he could kill or do anything else with.

But in his life, his only blood besides his older brother Caracalla, there was only one marriage predestined by his father that he should marry her.

Pretty, coming from wealth and power but not a woman he had chosen, it was like fate, his father had decided like a god on the life of his son but it had been like that for some time now and as much as the couple was celebrated in public, the false smiles and hand-holding of the inner circle was seen through, they were both torn.

As much as they tried to understand each other and she appreciated his gift of attention to Rome, as much as he thought she was pretty and appreciated her patience as a true virtue, they never seemed to be in the same mood. There never seemed to have been a thread of fate.

,,Can love ever arise from a loveless duty?" she had once asked him when he wanted to retire in the evenings, avoiding her to occupy himself with his important things that his older brother wasn't interested in and always finding an excuse to avoid her.

She saw the guilt disappear from his eyes in the blink of an eye, saw him straighten the rings on his fingers before he replied with a ,,Love comes from the heart… a duty from the words of others" before he left her room and avoided her for another night, a night that followed one after the other until one day they attended his brother's wedding, Caracalla also married a highborn woman and gave the Roman Empire its first heir, as it should be - it was all just a matter of time.

A fact that Geta also knew, even if with a smile his bright eyes wished nothing but death for his sister-in-law, a plague that she and his brother would have to endure,

,,I want to see you in my chamber after the feast and that is not a question" he murmured to his wife who looked at him with an uneasy look, she had seen the looks, knew what was going on in her husband and yet in a horrible fate she felt the duty in her heart she had to bear him an heir.

The festivities dragged on for a long time, but with wine that overwhelmed her senses she distracted herself from what was going to happen, what he was going to do just because his place in the order of precedence would be changed, she followed his words, made a simple excuse and retired to her husband's room.

She had also heard the wine on his lips as that night began with a kiss, senses dazed by wine and yet there was still a kind of tenderness in his touch despite his hatred, she still held him close to her heart, something she clung to as hope.

A hope and love a lust she would not have expected from him overcame the nights of nights she saw for the first time his jealousy coupled with love,.

,,I know you are trying my love" he told her again and again his hand placed on her tree day after day she seemed to realize if she was pregnant until the day one of the midwives and his healer confirmed she was pregnant and a few tests brought the uncertainty to an end.

She still couldn't believe it was true, she felt his arms around her body and words of praise but double-edged words coming at her as Geta looked at her with a look that told her he had never felt more love for her than now, ,,My Empress pregnant with my heir" he murmured and immediately let the news spread everywhere rubbing it straight into the face of his brother and especially his sister-in-law who was not yet pregnant.

The time after that was filled with happiness and yet paranoia, he was only more attached to her, paying attention to everything and having the room for the child decorated with her taste, choosing the furniture and the colors, ,,The room of the future emperor," he announced to her as she leaned on him and saw the room with pictures of heroic deeds and old legends showing victories.

,,A truly impressive room," she admitted and felt her hands relax on her now round belly as time passed, the moons and suns came quickly and her pregnancy increased, the closer she got to the birth the more excited Geta seemed to become, insisting on being present the whole time…an insistence she kept, only a few moons later her contractions came and the palace was filled with screams and weeping.

Geta shouted at the midwives and healers to kill them all or he would kill them personally while he supported his wife with words and did not flinch when her bloodied hand reached for him, ,,You are doing very well I am with you dear, with our son you will make it" he told her again and again kissing her forehead and giving her hopeful kisses until he shouted more death threats until the news came that it was almost done.

The last screams were full of pain and she clung to him even more, the pain increasing with the thought that had plagued her for months and her heart stopped when she heard the voice of the midwife saying ,,My emperor it's a…girl" and the room slowly fell silent, only the shrill cry of the baby could be heard, a baby without the right sex, a girl no heir.

Her heavy breathing and the tears rolling down her cheeks as he pulled away from her with a jerk, she was supported by her midwives who helped her onto the bed and took care of her as best they could while she watched Geta take her daughter in his arms and turn his back on her, not seeing how he looked with this "disappointing" birth.

,,Everyone out now!" he shouted making the little baby cry again and yet everyone complied, ,,Geta I'm-I'm sorry" she started trying to get to him when she heard a sniffle and paused, at first she thought it was the baby but it giggled and a clearing of the throat was heard before he turned to her.

Her worry vanished when she saw his expression it was pride, it was appreciation it was happiness, ,,The future of the empire an empress from the love of her parents…she will become a goddess" he murmured and came to his wife in bed put the baby in her arms and gave the little girl a kiss on the head while he held his wife's hand and gently stroked it.

He was not disappointed he had gotten something so much better, he had gotten love and a wife who was everything to him a family of his own the only imperial family of ancient Rome.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caracalla

The elder son, the first emperor to rule with his younger but much more suitable brother, a pair of brothers who ruled together and brought Rome to the top of the world with its army and its strength, but above all a young man with a woman at his side.

A woman, the Empress of Rome, beautiful, handsome and caring, popular with the people and not underestimated in politics because of her own country of origin and family…but a young woman without children.

A woman without children from an age when she would not be empress she would take other jobs nor have a choice but an empress was not a politician, a warrior or even a farmer an empress was and should always be a mother first so it has always been but not with her.

The wedding was moons ago and even if it was a little difficult at first their hearts were close she loved her playful husband who was always loving to her and had a penchant for entertainment of any kind.

As long as Carcalla wasn't bored, he knew that his brother was concerned with everything else, including politics, for which he had little taste when it wasn't a matter of attack or execution, she could only entertain him by acting, playing or playing in the arena, and as much as they both enjoyed it, she became more unhappy.

,,Your smile is fading, don't you like it? I can hire a new actor or buy new slaves right away," the blonde immediately offered and waved the troupe out so he could talk to his wife who had been laughing all evening, her hand detached from her belly and handed him the parchment he had skimmed over in the morning.

A parchment with the emperor's seal, a message from his brother that Geta had taken a wife of his own on a state visit, ,,The betrothal and wedding, what's with that, starlet?" he asked, tossing the paper carelessly aside before rising and going to the table of fruit and helping himself to the grapes.

He didn't understand the seriousness, the worry or even what it meant for the future, not that they hadn't slept together often, the wedding night had been consummated and they had often shared the bed but it had never led to anything, she rose from her chair and went to him, taking his hand and seeking his gaze.

,,Cara. ..you're still the older one, a duty is on me and I don't know if I can ever give you…an heir" she said the lump in her throat almost cutting off her voice hoping he would understand.

She saw the humor fade from his face and he considered before he gave an almost stunned expression and grabbed both her hands hastily, squeezing them and locking them in a hasty kiss over and over until she broke away to catch her breath, ,,Please I-it may well be me…all this he may be the politician but I am the elder, the first and you do your duty every day you are with me.

,,I leave no room for doubt, do you understand?" he demanded and she found his hopefulness, confidence and euphoria truly inspiring that a small smile crept onto her lips before he took her in his arms the imperial couple found themselves together again that night, taking help from potions, tinctures and many other forbidden practices that they hardly left the bedchamber together for the next few days.

It was clear to everyone what was happening behind the closed doors but after trying and trying this hope was to pay off with her first discomfort and the first change, ,,Congratulations my Emperor you are finally pregnant" the healer announced as he listened to the results of the test and her report, her tears wetting the tunic of her husband who hugged her and twirled around and was all the more pleased.

The news also pleased the people and even when she saw the looks on Geta's face and his wife she knew she had done her duty she would give Rome an heir, she had not disappointed Caracalla, ,,You can never let me down everything will go well the gods are with us" he told her reading she put up stowage in the child's room and her own for the next moons so that she was protected and the child inside her.

The protection seemed to help Geta until a point, and everything seemed to go well until the day of the birth, when blood and tears covered the floor, ,,What's wrong with my wife?" Caracalla who was holding her hand on the bed but the dagger at his side seemed to slaughter anyone who did anything wrong.

He kissed her hands and fingers, tried to cool her forehead with cool cloths and tell her again that she was doing well, ,,It seems that the Empress is pregnant with twins," said one of the midwives who had already brought out the size of the belly and the prolonged birth.

It was news she needed to cry out and Caracalla was filled with joy which he only showed when she continued to scream and push with the help of Caracalla who got into a kneeling position and the moments of pain merged until the first child was pushed out, ,,A boy!" the midwife shouted and took care of the little creature while the younger one continued to hold on to her husband.

The blonde gave her a proud kiss on the head, ,,Do you hear that? Our son love you can do it I am here" he murmured over and over until another cry from her side and a second bright cry told them that it was done that night a boy and his sister were born, Caracalla proudly and happily held the little babies and immediately spoke to them while praising them over and over.

The little family was not only complete but was now a little conversation of their own for each other, they had brought themselves together through love and received two sweet little gifts because they believed that their love was stronger than anything else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@morallyinept

@parvanovel -> I konw pregnancy is one thing but it's fluff so have fun :)

@sweetpascal

[capybaracorn]

‘Mama we’re dying’: Only able to hear her kids in Gaza in their final days

Hanan and Mazen were stuck in the West Bank. Their kids were in Gaza, where they were killed by Israeli bombs.

Hann and Mazen at Fadi's bedside [Mosab Shawer/Al Jazeera]

(April 16th 2024)

Bethlehem, occupied West Bank – Hanan al-Qeeq sits next to a hospital bed in Beit Jala Hospital, her sad, pale face seconds away from tears at all times, even when she tries to muster up a smile of greeting.

Sitting beside the exhausted woman is her husband, Mazen, 56, a Gaza Ministry of Education employee who left his work to come to the occupied West Bank, where their son Fadi is being treated.

Fifty-year-old Hanan says she carries a heavy burden. As she and Mazen kept their vigil by Fadi’s bedside, praying for his healing, Israel’s war on Gaza took four of their other children from them.

“What can I say beyond what happened?” said Mazen, who did not want to, or perhaps could not, speak more.

The couple had seven children.

Four daughters: Iman, 31, who is married and lives in Canada, Malaka, 24, Nuran, 23, and Tala, 15.

Three sons: Fayez, 33, who is married and lives in the United States, Fadi, 30, and Muhammad Awad, 17.

Now they have three children: Fadi, Fayez, and Iman.

Because Malaka, Nuran, Muhammad Awad and Tala had to stay behind when Hanan and Mazen left Gaza for Fadi’s medical care and they were killed when Israel bombed the shelter they were hiding in.

Remembrance of those lost

Hanan scrolls through photos of her children on her phone, something she does with a sad familiarity as she talks about them.

Hanan shows a photo of Nuran on her phone [Mosab Shawer/Al Jazeera]

“Malaka was sweet and generous, always ready to help out. Nuran loved everyone, loved life, and was loved in return, especially by her fiance in Morocco … they were going to get married after Eid al-Adha.”

As for Tala, their mother said, “I likened her to the Virgin Mary, so calm and soft, a real princess. And Muhammad Awad, he worked so hard. He had a note up by his desk reminding himself: ‘I want to get 97 percent in the high school exams so my dad is happy and I can study engineering overseas.’”

Their bustling, content family life came to a screeching halt last April when Fadi plunged five storeys while at work plastering the exterior of a building. He became quadriplegic.

Mazen initially accompanied Fadi to Haifa for treatment. He has since been moved from hospital to hospital.

It took months before Hanan was able to join them; by then the treatment was taking place at Tel Aviv’s Reuth Hospital. Hanan was meant to stay with Fadi while Mazen returned to Gaza, but she was worried about Fadi and intimidated by dealing with the Israeli hospital system, so she asked him to stay.

Little did she know, she said, that by asking him to stay, she would save his life.

The war begins

When Israel’s war on Gaza began in October, the distraught parents were still trying to find the treatment Fadi needed. He had been transferred from Haifa to Tel HaShomer Hospital in Tel Aviv, where he received some surgeries, but they were thrown out because they could not afford to complete the treatment there.

Hanan spoke to her children as often as she could, listening to them as they trembled on the phone in fear, and listening to their screams whenever a projectile landed nearby.

“They would cry on the phone: ‘Mama, we’re dying,’” she said.

“I would try to reassure them to tell that it would be over in a few days, like the wars before it did. ‘No harm or danger will befall you,’ I told them,” she said, scrubbing tears away from her eyes.

A week after the war started, Hanan’s fear for her children grew and she emailed her sisters to ask them to take care of them, writing: “My daughters’ lives are in your hands. Take care of them.”

Her older sister, who goes by Umm Fadi, sent a car to take the children from Remal in north Gaza to her house in Tal al-Hawa in the southwest.

Hanan wheels Fadi into his hospital room [Mosab Shawer/Al Jazeera]

By then, Hanan’s appeals to Palestinian officials and the community were working and she managed to get the Palestinian Authority to take on Fadi’s treatment expenses and got him admitted to a hospital in Bethlehem by October 20.

The children stayed at their aunt’s house for nearly a month, till the Israeli army stormed the neighbourhood and they fled to az-Zawayda with everyone who was in the house: their aunt, her sons with their wives, her daughters with their husbands, and all their children.

On December 13, Fadi underwent surgery at the Istishari Hospital in Ramallah before being transferred to Beit Jala Hospital in Bethlehem, where he is still being treated.

Throughout, Hanan and Mazen were sleeping in hospital wards and eating whatever the hospital gave them until the people of Bethlehem learned of their plight.

A community member gave them a furnished house, the couple recounted, and told them that the house was theirs for the duration of Fadi’s treatment. “We found safety among our people,” Hanan said.

While Hanan in Bethlehem worried about her children left behind in Gaza, they worried about their parents and asked about their brother Fadi’s health every time they spoke.

Hanan’s sister and the 29 people she was with – including Hanan’s children – were heading back to her home in Tal al-Hawa after hearing the Israeli army had withdrawn. So extensive was the damage they left behind that the group had a hard time finding their way back to the house, the children told her on the phone.

Hanan holds up a photo of Fadi before his accident to compare with how he looks now [Mosab Shawer/Al Jazeera]

Just weeks later, the Israeli army pounced again, sending the family fleeing to Jalaa, then Remal, and back to Jalaa, where they ended up sheltering with 200 people in a school building. But the group continued to move from place to place as they sought safety, until one day Hanan heard that 16 relatives had been killed in an Israeli attack in Jalaa.

Hanan hung on to the other end of the phone, sick with worry. She nearly lost her mind when the children’s phones were off, but she heard from her niece Sahar that all was well and eventually the surviving family was able to leave once again to Tal al-Hawa.

“Imagine what it was like,” Hanan said, scrolling sadly through the photos, “to have Malaka tell me: ‘Mama, we will be martyred. Don’t cry if that happens. I would rather that than us be paralysed or lose our limbs.’”

Then she lost touch with them for days, maybe a week. Hanan lost count as she desperately tried to get through to anyone who might know what was happening. On the last night of her search, she did not sleep, up all night sending message after message to Malaka.

Hanan and Mazen had reached out to the ICRC and the Palestine Red Crescent Society, begging them to go to the house and check on the children. But Hanan did not realise that they had an answer until she walked into Fadi’s hospital room one day and saw a group of doctors and staff waiting for her.

One of the women in the group started gently asking her questions, but something told her there was another reason for their presence.

“I asked: ‘Have you received anything? My children, has something happened to them? Were they martyred?’

“I saw tears in their eyes, and one of them answered, she was wearing a Red Crescent uniform: ‘I would have loved to tell you that they weren’t martyred, but this is God’s will.’

The emergency services had finally gotten to the house on December 21, 2023, to find that everyone there had been killed about three days prior.

“I stood there in the middle of the room, begging them: ‘OK, tell me, who was martyred? Who’s still alive? Malaka? Tutu [Tala]? Muhammad?’

“She replied that everyone had been martyred, that they had been found under the rubble.

“I started screaming, just screaming, until I collapsed in their midst.”

Hanan had been working on getting the family out of Gaza before Fadi’s accident. Painstakingly, she got the children’s passports and was waiting for the war to stop so they could travel, but it was all in vain now.

“My children … my children! They were waiting for their brother Fadi to recover and for us to return,” she wept.

Now, she does not want to return to Gaza at all.

“No, I have neither people nor stones left there. The house has collapsed and my children have been martyred. To whom will I return?

“Everyone has gone and my children [and] my sister have been martyred, so many of my relatives.”

[izvmimi]

cw: reader develops a new form and a new nickname. cold open in the middle of a fight.

When you finally come to, Asta’s cradling you practically like a child. Opening your eyes and looking directly into his concerned ones, irises crimson as he’s still in his demon form, nefarious aura swirling around him, and hanging in the atmosphere between you two, but no longer burning you as it seeps into your skin. Not like before you passed out, where a single touch had you in excruciating pain, the type that knocks air out of your lungs and doubles you over, contorting and stretching every muscle in your body like you were in hell incarnate. 

Somehow that feels like forever ago, but from the still wet, angry tears in Asta’s eyes you can tell you were only out for a short while, and he’s still breathing in, heavily and slowly, as he holds you close.

“Asta…” you whisper. Your voice comes out clear and gentle somehow, and you can remember the strain on your vocal cords as you screamed earlier, now gone. Similarly, your body is light as a feather, and the skin of your face feels cool to the touch as though it were just washed. Rejuvenated. Purified.

“I’m here,” he replies and he’s smiling at you but quickly buries his face in your neck, letting out a sigh of relief that runs through his body, enough that he practically shakes with it. His arms pull you closer still, somehow and he kisses your forehead.

“Fuck, ___. You fucking scared me.”

The way he says your name feels as though he’s worried it would be the last time it would cross his lips. Your arms find their way around his body, but as you do so, you feel a new weight in your upper back, on both sides.

“I’m sorry, Asta. I didn’t mean to.”

In your peripheral vision, you can see bright brilliant feathers, gold and white and shimmering in the evening sun, spread wide and engulf you both; you feel them as they unfold and stretch and cocoon you.

Something miraculous has happened,  you immediately know, triggered by the pain set off from his body making contact with yours. Something about his demonic aura awakening something deep and repressed inside the deepest depths of your soul, something at odds with the rest of your body.

You were prayed on for weeks to months as a newborn to keep evil from taking root inside your soul and perhaps the purification had been incomplete then.

Until now. 

You breathe out and you can feel droplets in the small circumference around you, interspersing with Asta’s dark flames of energy. The air condenses, and as it falls onto him, you can see the slashes on his face and shoulders close up and heal. 

Your hand moves to his cheek, and perhaps now is not the time, not in the middle of a battle, not with everyone watching and waiting, and enemies that remain to be defeated. The reason why he’s in demon form anyway, the reason why you were attacked and needed to be saved, and the reason why your bodies linked, and half your body appeared to be engulfed in the flames of Hell.

If only for a couple of minutes.

Asta looks like that short time aged him years, but as he looks up at you again, and you finally offer him a smile, and caress his cheek. The black marks of his demon form seem to fade gently where you touch him, if only for a moment.

“I’m okay, Asta. I promise.”

His face practically melts into softness, wet tears again resting at his lash line. You gently push him away from you, signaling that things are not yet finished. The small intimate world shared between you two is now filled in with background noise, and you can hear the shouts of your teammates holding off the demons. Crashes, clashes, magic.

“Let’s end this,” you offer him. You’ll have so much more to say to him later, but for now, there are many sick to heal and you don’t know what your new wings mean, or the surge of magic power you feel flowing through you relentlessly like a waterfall that never abates. Your grimoire glows and you can tell a new spell has been added. 

Whatever this is.

He looks at you for a moment, really appraising whether or not you’re okay and won’t die on him any moment, then smiles, taking your hand to get you to your feet.

“I’ll be right back, angel.”

Your cheeks warm as you watch his concern and affection turn into an ever determined look,  and the hanging dew drops fall all at once in a light rain.

He flies off, taking your heart with him. Your new wings flap, knowing your aim before you know yourself, and you’re flying over towards the sick, putting whatever new transformation this is to task.

[avonne-writes]

29 and 30 !!!

For the Reverie ask game

29. How does their love change as they get older?

They move in together in a place where people are less nosy and Gale can attend a good university. They have lived together before, of course, but not like this, so getting used to it takes a while, but their love strengthens with it. In the first few years, they start talking about their feelings more because they have the time, comfort and peace to express themselves. Later, they become quieter because they understand each other without words. They become more physically affectionate and develop ways to convey reassurance/love/comfort in public too.

They have some fights about this, but eventually, Gale stops keeping things quite so often from Bucky. He shares more about his childhood too.

Bucky learns better control over his dreams. When Gale takes him to Wyoming, he’s overwhelmed by seeing the real life original of their dreamscape and he wants to go back every year. Gale has ambivalent feelings about it because he never regains the ability to dream about that place. If he tries, it always ends in one of those nauseating mescaline dreams. Bucky learns how to dream a decent enough representation of the place but Gale asks him to only take him there if he asks, and he rarely does. However, Gale’s other dreams get better again and he’s able to create a new recurrent dream of a different location.

In the first months after the war, they dreamwalk every night, but later on, as they get more secure in the feeling that the other will be there the next day, they start to spend more time in their own heads. Bucky thought he would hate it because of their stalag memories, but he actually loves asking Gale what he dreamt about the night before and he and Gale both like creating surprises for the next time the other enters their mind.

They talk about how they wish they could get married. Bucky tells Gale that he’s the angel he always wanted as a soulmate (see chapter 1), he just didn't realize it at first. That feels healing to Gale. He dreams them a wedding scenario, with people and all, including his idea of Bucky's mother from the photos Bucky showed him, and they both wake up to Bucky crying. He thought he would never get married but Gale gave him that, in a way.

They always stay playful with each other. Some things never change.

When they grow old and grey, Bucky rekindles his relationship with God and starts going to church again, for one thing only: he prays that when it’s time to go, they'll go together. But if that's not possible, then at least let it be him who goes second - because he has already lived through that loss once when he thought Gale was dead and he doesn’t want Gale to ever experience a pain like that. One night, he and Gale are in the backyard of the house where they moved to once gay relationships became more accepted, and they see a shooting star. Bucky wishes on it. His wish comes true.

30. Share anything you would like about the couple!

Fun fact: in chapter 3, while Bucky was having a wet dream, Gale also had one. That's why he was flushed and irritated, and why he complained about not having a moment alone.

[imawreck]

Monster

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier x Original Character

Summary: The aftermath of the mission is mortifying, and so are the discoveries.

Author’s Note: This one gets tough home-slices, so buckle up.

Warnings: gore, blood, wounds, mentions of scarring, suicidal thoughts, LOTS of angst, depression

Word Count: 4,539

Max-

Everything stung.

I could feel my lungs burning, aching for air, but still I fought against the torrent of water. I desperately clung to the base of the water tower as the town fried, Hydra along with it. I felt the electricity rip at my skin and burn away at me. Still, I held on. I kept my head out of the water for the most part, but the sparks still jumped at my face and nicked my cheeks.

The moment it all eased, I was gasping for air as I sputtered to clear my senses. The pain was agonizing as my skin tried to heal itself only to be burned off again. I searched for land with my palms and swam ahead towards where I knew Bucky would be. Where I hoped he would be. I prayed he had gotten out alive.

I nearly cried when my hands brushed dirt and I was able to haul myself out of the water and away from the pain. I tried to keep my mind calm in the face of everything, taking in one shaky breath at a time as I assessed myself. I could feel the burns receding, but it was slow. I had overworked myself and my energy was depleted. I was lucky if I could make it up the steep incline without passing out.

The water made my hair cling to my neck in clumps and my eyelashes clung together in my line of sight. There was an aching in my shoulder where I knew a bullet had made its home. The wound refused to heal, the rest of my body having taken too much already. I would have to remove it and find somewhere to rest.

I reached for my earpiece, but found nothing. No comms. I wouldn't be able to radio base or Bucky without it. I sighed, taking a moment longer before I began to climb. I took it slowly, each palm full of dirt took another ounce of energy from me. But I would make it, I had to. Bucky was somewhere, I knew it. I had to find him.

When I reached the tree line, I nearly passed out. My vision was clouded in pain and exhaustion, and my body screamed for me to stop as it gave out beneath me. But I couldn't. Not yet. I had to find him.

"Oh my god, Max!" Knees hit the ground next to my head and blue clouded everything I could see. "I thought you were dead." The last word came out of him in a tortured way.

I coughed, trying hard to smile despite the circumstances. "Takes a bit more than that to kill me."

There wasn't any humor in his face, and I tried hard to ignore the way he looked at me. It was different than before. Different than the gentle look I had been accustomed to these past few months. It felt wrong.

His hands hovered over me, "What can I do?"

I pressed a palm into my shoulder, easing a muscle there. "We need to get out of here, but I don't think I'll make it if I walk. I'm not doing so hot right now. Took too much energy and I can't heal properly yet. I know a place near here, a couple of miles up the mountain where no one can find us. We will have to set up a signal to radio base from there but if I'm right, everything we will need will be there."

"Hydra will send more agents to scour the area-"

"Trust me, they won't think were stupid enough to go where we're going." I grimaced as a wave of pain swept from my shoulder down my body. "Can you help me up?"

Bucky slipped his metal arm under my legs and lifted me up. I hissed as he brought me into his chest, fighting against the urge to cry out at the stinging pain in my shoulder. His voice rumbled against my back, "Up the mountain?"

I nodded and the two of us began our trek. I drifted in and out of consciousness as my body fought to regenerate itself with such depleted resources. I would only wake when Bucky needed me to answer a question or point in a direction.

The air had gotten subtly cooler the higher we went. Our suits kept us warm, but the breeze on my neck still sent a shiver down my spine. Bucky's arm felt cooler against my legs even through the material of my uniform too. I glanced around, spotting a few tell tale signs I had made for myself in the past. A set of stacked rocks and a withered carving of a star on a tree a few feet from that. "We're close. Just up ahead is a shelter."

Bucky didn't speak as he continued walking. He hadn't spoken much to me this whole time and I couldn't figure out if it was because of the nearly failed mission or something else entirely. His face was a mask, one he wore regularly around the team but rarely when we were alone.

"I think I can make it in on my own now, but we should scout around to make sure it's clear."

He gave me a nod, lowering my feet to the ground before he released me entirely. I watched him survey the area and check for tracks or any recent visitors who would come looking around. I managed to climb the few stairs and make it to the door. I pressed it open with my palm and let the cool drift of air swing it open. I took in the dust and the lack of furniture, just like I had left it all those years ago. The glass from the lightbulb was still scattered over the nightstand and littering the floor. A pan still sat on the stove and a single wool blanket laid draped over the bare bed save for the flattened pillow at the headboard. There was a chair just a few feet from the door where I let my body drop, drooping against the wood and taking a moment to breathe.

Bucky entered a few minutes later, steely eyed and clenching his jaw. "There weren't any signs of occupancy so we should be good for a while as long as Hydra doesn't come knocking."

"They wont," I assured as I leaned down to unstrap my boots and kick them off. "There are candles in the nightstand and matches in the top drawer. It will be dark in a few hours and we will need the heat."

He nodded, frowning as he went to retrieve the items. I slipped off my suit, easing my sleeve down my arm and tugging the fabric free of my shoulder. Blood coated my undershirt and continued to ooze out of the bullet hole. Not good. "Hey, Bucky?"

His head peaked up from the cabinet a few feet away, "Yeah?"

"I need your help with this."

He paused to put the candles on top of the nightstand before he made his way back over to me. I pushed my shoulder forward for him to see, turning my back to him.

"Why are you still bleeding?" His warm hand laid on my good shoulder, tugging at my shirt to get a better look at it.

"I took a lot of hits, and I'm out of energy. I'm surprised I'm still conscious at this point."

Bucky let out a shaky breath, "What do you need me to do?"

"The bullet is still in there," I started, "So I need you to get it out." I turned to face him. His brows were pinched uneasily and there was worry in his eyes. A torrent of emotions swam behind them. I waved weekly to the floor near the bed, "If you move the bed to the right, there's a pair of loose floorboards."

He left my side and strode over to the left side of the bed and nudged it over, feeling around the floor until the boards shifted. He tugged a knife from his belt and used it to pop the board up, taking the other out with it.

"There should be an artillery box, pull it out and open it." I could hear the clank of metal as he unlatched the top. "Should be right there, the red box." I listened as he ruffled through the scarce items inside to pull out the metal box.

When he returned to my side he held it in his hands, opening it and digging through its contents. "There aren't any pain relievers."

I shook my head, "I know. Just grab a rag from the bathroom."

Bucky stared at me for a moment, as if he wanted to say something before he went away to retrieve it. He walked around me and surveyed what he could before speaking lowly, "You'll have to remove your shirt. I can't see much with all the blood."

My heart dropped and my body tensed, sending a sharp jab of pain through my arm. I was hoping he wouldn't ask that. That maybe he could just go in blindly and yank it out. Of course, Bucky was too kind to be that reckless.

I tried to raise my arms to remove it, but it only sent another wave of agony over me. I looked to the floor, "You'll have to help me."

He did so without a word, taking the hem of my shirt and lifting it over my head slowly. I could hear his sharp intake of breath at the sight of my skin. His eyes burned all the way up to my neck. I knew what it looked like, the valleys between scarred skin and the ugly, gnarled map slashed over my back. There wasn't a patch of unmarked skin over the expanse of my spine and the patches reached around my torso in certain places.  The scars were shimmery and a sickly white color thanks to my healing.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair as I slipped my bra strap down my shoulder to get it out of the way. "Just get it out, please."

"Right, I'm sorry."

I brushed off his apology with a shake of my head. Silence filled the room as he began setting out the various supplies he would need. The smell of alcohol filtered into my lungs and I invited the sting gratefully, anything to distract me from what was about to happen. A rag was draped over my shoulder and I took it without a word, biting into it and gripping the chair in my good arm.

"Okay, bare with me."

That was the only warning I got before cold metal was plunged into my back.

I clenched my jaw, fighting against the urge to scream. What pathetic sounds that did leave my body were muffled by the cloth between my teeth. I could hear the wood crack under my grip as he began to dig through my flesh and poke at the shard of metal buried under my skin. It was brutal, tormenting. For a moment I was sure I was going to pass out from the pain, but then it was gone and the distinct tinker of metal against a tray echoed through the small shack.

I felt my shoulders sag and labored for air, spitting out the rag. "Thank you."

Bucky just nodded once he was in front of me, offering me a hand. "You should rest."

I couldn't do much more as I nodded and accepted his hand. He tugged me up and guided me a few feet to the bed where I collapsed agains the mattress. I was out within minutes. The last thing I remembered was the sound of the artillery box latch.

______

When I woke, the shack was lit with candles and the smell of spam clung in the air. I was notedly less sore too which was a good sign. My shoulder complained as I eased myself up on it, reaching back to check if it had healed. My fingers grazed a rough patch of skin, and I sighed in relief. It had scabbed, no more hole.

There was a sharp movement in my peripheral vision and then the sound of paper being slapped down. I jumped at the sound, hissing at the ache that followed.

Bucky sat with his back against the wall across the room, one leg sprawled out in front of him while the other was tucked under his arm against his chest. A file sat next to him and another laid spread across the floorboards in front of him all around in a semi circle so all the papers were visible. He looked upset with his brows pinched together and his eyes wide, almost scared.

I felt my eyebrows pull together as concern rose in me, "Bucky-"

"What the hell is this?" Bucky didn't look at me when he spoke, never taking his eyes off the file papers on the floor.

"What's what?" Confusion clouded my mind. "I don't understand."

"Don't play stupid, these were in your box. This one," he picked up the empty Manila folder and tossed it over to my feet. I could read his name in bold black letters that I knew to be decades old, "has my name on it."

I shook my head in confusion as I studied the cover, "They're files I stole from Hydra years ago. I only got a chance to look at them once."

Bucky's voice boomed through the house, "But you knew!" His scoff grated against my ears, "You knew this was here and what was in it. You knew, and yet you didn't care to tell me about it." He pointed at one of the sheets on the floor, "And this one has trigger words on it, but none that I can ever recall hearing. This set is all new and God knows what they do to me. The notebook they wrote about in here was destroyed. No way for anyone to figure out how to use this set, maybe it does something worse than the others." Bucky's face suddenly loosened, like something dawned on him. He finally looked at me, but it was almost worse than when he wasn't. "Do you know what they're for?"

"I..." I did, at least I thought I did, but I hadn't remembered the files.

Truly, I had no idea if the box would even be here any more. I planned long ago to hide them away so when we got out— Bucky and I—I could find someone to help him. The words on those papers are reversal words. A prototype at least, they haven't ever been used or tried. It was a shot in the dark but it was better than nothing.

I opened my mouth to tell him just that, the truth and nothing else. But the longer I looked at his face, the clearer it became that he wouldn't trust a word I would say to him. He had deemed me an enemy the moment he asked me that question. It wouldn't matter if what I told him was the truth, he wouldn't believe me.

So I said nothing.

He took my silence as answer enough, laughing bitterly. It stung me like nothing before. "You know, first I was so sure that you were different. I thought that maybe Hydra didn't mess you up to the point where you were irredeemable like everyone else thought you were. Then you go on that mission with the others and Steve comes back telling me you're some sort of rabid animal. I defended you then, but what I saw today was worse than what he described to me. You literally ripped those men apart. I watched you. You wanted to evacuate and leave Natasha!"

I could feel myself drain at his words and my body cave into itself as he spoke. He was terrified of me, of what I had done to get us out of there. But he kept going.

"I watched you bring down that water tower on a town of innocent people to kill a squadron of Hydra agents. Is that all you care about? Killing?"

I was at a loss, floundering to make sense of the whole situation. "Of course not, Bucky, no! I care about so much more and I-"

"Like me?" He cut in, "Because I'm the asset, right? I'm your mission. Those were your first words to me the moment you stepped out of that Godforsaken place. But that's all I am to you, all I'll ever be, right? I'm so stupid!" He slammed his hand against the wall and the wood splintered upon impact. "Steve was right, you're nothing but a weapon, a loose cannon. You... you're a monster worse than me."

Silence. That's all there was between us after those words left his mouth.

I felt empty and dark, like the lights had gone out and there was that pit in my stomach eating me up again just like it did all those years imprisoned.

Bucky just sat their, unmoving, staring at me with those eyes that screamed betrayal. I had never meant for this, for any of it. I hadn't meant for the mission to fail and I never wanted to leave Natasha. I trusted her skills enough to know she would get herself out of there. We had talked about it on the jet. She wasn't supposed to go against my orders and she told me if anything went wrong I should get out of there and not worry about her. I should've known she was going to do something reckless.

Here I was though, paying a price I didn't owe. Taking Hydra's blame onto my own shoulders in the face of someone... Someone I love.

It was too much. Too much pain for me to bare. So I shut it off, shoved it down into the farthest part of myself and did what was beat into me all those years. I could deal with emotions later. Right now, I had to complete a mission and return to base with my team. I stood wearily from the bed, feeling the cold air seep into my bones.

Bucky shifted as I moved past him and opened a cabinet as calmly as I could manage, taking out the receiver inside. I made sure my voice was even as I spoke, "I'll set up the receiver outside and radio base. Rest if you can. I understand you are uncomfortable with my presence so I'll make myself scarce. I will camp outdoors and wait for their arrival." With that, I marched over and snagged my suit off the chair and slipped it on before I opened the door and slammed it behind me.

I felt like a hurricane was tearing away at my insides, like the world had cracked open and was threatening to drag me down with it. How could he say that to me? How could he accuse me of that? He hadn't even given me a chance to explain.

I climbed up the hillside, clawing through the snow. Bucky's words echoed around in my skull and the longer I listened to them the deeper the pit inside me grew. The numbness spread from my stomach to my heart like a poison. It oozed into my blood and clung to my organs, taking all the pain as it grew until I felt nothing at all. Nothing but the biting cold.

I raised the receiver above my head and swung it down, burying it into the top of the hill and hunkering down to attach the radio. It fizzled to life in my hands and I adjusted the antenna until the line became clearer. "Ghost to base, come in."

I waited, hearing the crackle of life. "-Ax! Max thank God." Tony's voice was almost a relief. "It's good to hear from you, kid."

I felt the numbness wane at his words, "Hey, Tony."

"You sound terrible. We should definitely get you home. Natasha came back late this afternoon with the device and said you found a place to lay low." He paused for a moment, "Are you two okay out there?"

I felt relief sweep over me before it drowned in the tar enveloping my insides. "I have sustained minor injuries but I’m recovering quickly. Barnes is fully functional. We need evac as soon as possible, Hydra is still in the area. Coordinates are 48.2775 degrees North, 8.1860 degrees East."

"Whoa there Kiddo, no need to be so formal. I'll have Friday notify a team right away. We will have you two lovebirds out of there in no time."

I flinched at his words but chose to ignore it, the team would find out about everything soon enough. "I'll be on standby until then."

"Copy that."

I sunk back in the snow, feeling it soak into my suit. It didn't matter to me, everything felt cold anyways.

The stars were bright and the moon was absent to allow them to outshine it for the night. I could hardly stand to be in this place with all that has happened. The shack Bucky occupied was once my own, my place of hiding and a residence when I worked for Hydra. I had been normal back then, before any needle had punctured my skin. I had been brave and full of life…naïve. I had thought that place was my home for many years and now it was nothing but an empty room with a fog of horrible memories.

I laid down, letting my hair down to dampen in the snow. Maybe if I just laid here it would all go away. I would wake up and it would all just be a nightmare I had lived through so many times before. I clamped my eyes closed and let the snow fall over my face and stick to my skin. Sleep, just sleep.

But I was never given such an easy blessing, not once in my life. I didn't sleep a wink the entire night.

_____

The jet came in the early morning before the sun had peaked over the horizon. I watched it descend onto the white mountaintop before me as I tugged my stiff limbs from the snow. I hadn't moved an inch since I radioed the tower, letting the snow encapsulate me and consume me. My fingers were blue and stiff, but they were long since numbed. I squeezed them, pumping my fingers into fists over and over again to try and get the blood flow working again.

The hatch of the jet lowered and out came Natasha followed by Steve and Clint. They all were dressed in their uniforms and looked ready to take on the world like always.

I stood up from my spot, dragging my legs out of the snow and dusting off the rest of my suit. My legs carried me towards the jet without me really thinking about it, seeking out the warmth it held. As I brushed passed Steve I spoke lowly, trying hard to keep the disdain out of my voice. "Barnes is in a shack a mile down the mountain. It's the only place for miles so you can't miss it." Steve merely nodded and brushed past me.

Natasha frowned, looking me over. "Did you sleep outside? Your lips are blue and you're freakishly pale."

I nodded, "Don't worry, I'll warm up soon."

"It's 24 degrees out here, Max."

I whirled around, "I said I'm fine." She jumped, tilting her head and leaning back as if I had hit her. I sighed, "I'm sorry, just drop it. Get Barnes and get us out. I want as far away from here as possible."

I didn't wait for her response before I walked away. I marched back to the cabin when I knew Barnes was surely halfway back to the jet, taking a different route to avoid the two Super Soldiers. The door was left open, flurries drifting in and settling  against the floorboards and over the papers left spread over them. Just mine, his own file I imagined was tucked into the waistband of his pants to be kept somewhere safe.

I stooped down and collected them neatly before sliding them back into the Manila folder, tucking it back into the artillery box by the bed. I clamped it shut and hauled it up, carrying it out the door and back up to the jet. I kept my eyes forward and strapped myself into the farthest possible seat in the jet. I didn't speak to anyone the whole flight and once again sleep eluded me. 

When we landed at the tower I was the first one out, marching towards the elevator and nearly slamming into a lab tech before a voice called out. "Lady Max?" I swiveled around to find Thor in the elevator, the doors wide open. He eyed me with a worried gaze, "Is everything alright?"

Maybe it was the way he asked, the lack of accusation or the pure concern for me that made my shoulders slump. There was no fear in his voice like the others so often held even if they didn't mean to. It was just a question of whether or not I was well and if things were okay.

"No, not really." I slipped into the elevator beside him and leaned against the wall. "The mission went sideways and everything went down after that. My body is hardly functioning or healing correctly and I haven't slept in 33 hours."

Thor didn't seem at all phased by my complaints, "That sounds difficult, no wonder you're tired."

"Yeah," I looked up at him to find he was already smiling kindly at me. His shoulder was leaned against the wall as we went upwards. I didn't even remember telling him what floor I was on.

As if reading my mind chuckled, "I figured it was your floor I ran into you on so I just pressed it again."

"Thank you."

"Any time," he shuffled his arms as we came to a stop and the doors opened up. "I hope you get some rest."

I turned around after I left the elevator, taking one last look at him before I smiled. Really smiled at him. "I'll try."

The doors closed and I made for my door, slipping behind it and leaning my back against the cool metal once it was closed. The events of the mission began to replay through my head as if to mock me. Bucky's terror and his words were the worst part.

I had never experienced heartbreak before, not this kind. It was raw and felt like a wound that wouldn't heal. The ache in my shoulder paled in comparison. I could feel the tears begin to gather and cloud my vision as I fought to muffle the cries that threatened to tear out of me. It was pathetic, weak. I was the strongest person in the building, I shouldn't be crying like a child on the floor. But here I was. Hurt, and alone.

Just like I was in the beginning.

Tags<3

@cjand10 / @blackbirdwitch22 / @imdoingathingmom / @calwitch

[traumacatholic]

I recently got engaged to the love of my life. We are both still very young, but currently there is a possibility they may have cancer. we cannot currently make an appointment with the hospital because its the weekend, and moreover if we can get an appointment it may be months away. Im terrified beyond belief. My fiancé even more so.

I truly do not know what to do. I'm someone who has been blessed in life in that I have never lost someone close to me. My fiancé pulled me out of the worst time in my life when I met them. My connection to God has never been strong despite my family being catholic. I don't even really know how to pray. We have so many plans for the future, to be married and raise a family together. To try and put a little good back into the world. To grow old together.

I am at a loss. Any prayer you can offer would mean so much to me. I would do anything for my fiancé, and though it feels wrong to come back to my faith because something horrible is happening and not for simply wanting to I only hope God can forgive me for it and protect my Love.

Of course, I will keep you both in my prayers. Never feel like you're turning to your faith for the 'wrong' reason, because this can put you off really engaging and connecting with your faith and using it as a pillar and a support network. Please reach out to a Church, even if you aren't currently attending one. And asking for prayers and for help from the Priest. Even if you did turn to faith for the 'wrong' reason, ultimately by spending time in prayer, spending time reading Scripture, spending time going to Church - whatever things you might be doing. Should hopefully lead to you sincerely connecting with your faith in a way that perhaps feels more meaningful to you. A genuine engagement with the faith. It is better to turn to God in times of desperate situations, than to never turn to Him at all. God never tires of us turning to Him for help.

People turn to the faith in different ways, in many different situations. We should never treat the individual turning to God as 'this is the right reason', 'this is the wrong reason'. Anything that could lead to someone genuinely increasing their faith, no matter how slim that possibility may be, should be encouraged. How many cultural Catholics still turn to St Anthony for help finding a lost item? Or a Hail Mary when they're in the hospital waiting room? As the old saying goes 'there's no atheist in the trenches'. And regardless of how 'silly' or 'insincere' or whatever else term we might use that turn to faith might be, God will use it as an opportunity for you to develop or redevelop that relationship with Him. Our entire life is a conversion process. We are always, every single day, choosing to convert to God through repentance or choosing to slip away from Him. Hoping in God, hoping in His power and His mercy and His comfort isn't a bad thing.

In terms of prayers, if you are feeling up for it. There is an Akathist to the Theotokos for healing - particularly for healing from cancer. I know you don't have a confirmed diagnosis, but please don't feel like you have to wait until then to pray this. You can pray it now. This is a long prayer. It is designed to be read all the way through. Don't worry about the names of Troparion or Kontakion, that's meant for people that are chanting the Akathist. http://www.stvladimiraami.org/sheetmusic/akathistvsetsaritsa.pdf Has the beginning prayers, as well as the full akathist. Generally, the first couple of times reading through an Akathist can make it take a long time. But I found through the Akathist that I prayed daily, that eventually it takes a lot less time because you know the prayer well enough. Don't feel like you have to read this every day. Traditionally, Akathists can be said once a day for a 40 day period. You don't have to do it for that long, just as and when it feels feasible. It does also have three prayers at the bottom. If you're ever not feeling up for praying the Akathist, feel free to pray those individually.

I have attached some much shorter prayers under the read more. Feel free to mix and match between them. I would recommend having at least one prayer, that you pray morning and night. If you can, I would also recommend reading a Psalm a day.

Dear Lord, as my loved ones and I await the results of medical tests about my affliction, let us offer you our anxieties for our good and your glory. Calm us in our worries, knowing these don’t add wisdom but rather stress to this situation. Enlighten us, though the power of your Spirit, to make wise decisions as to treatment. Help us not to turn away from You in these fragile, painful moments, but rather towards you for grace and strength. Comfort us in seeking you now as we place all our concerns in your loving hands as we say “Thy Will Be Done.”

--

Mary, health of the sick, you brought forth into our world Jesus Christ, our Divine Healer. In your caring goodness, intercede for (mention name), who is truly in need of miraculous assistance.

If it be God’s will, I ask this day that the gift of healing from all forms of cancer be granted to (name).

Comfort him/her during times of anguish, pain, confusion and despair. Ask our gracious Savior to grant him/her physical health, inner peace and patience in suffering.

May God’s healing graces grant (name) a life of happiness, health and fulfillment here on earth, and one day the joy of eternal glory in His loving embrace.

Amen.

--

Let us pray to the Lord. Lord have mercy.

O Lord Almighty, the Healer of our souls and bodies, You Who put down and raise up, Who chastise and heal also; do You now, in Your great mercy, visit our brother (sister) (Name), who is sick. Stretch forth Your hand that is full of healing and health, and get him (her) up from his (her) bed, and cure him (her) of his (her) illness. Put away from him (her) the spirit of disease and of every malady, pain and fever to which he (she) is bound; and if he (she) has sins and transgressions, grant to him (her) remission and forgiveness, in that You love mankind; yea, Lord my God, pity Your creation, through the compassions of Your Only-Begotten Son, together with Your All-Holy, Good and Life-creating Spirit, with Whom You are blessed, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

Let us pray to the Lord. Lord have mercy.

O Lord our God, Who by word alone did heal all diseases, Who did cure the kinswoman of Peter, You Who chastise with pity and heal according to Your goodness; Who are able to put aside every malady and infirmity, do You Yourself, the same Lord, grant aid to this Your servant (Name) and cure him (her) of every sickness of which he (she) is grieved; lift him (her) up from his (her) bed of pain and distress, and send down upon him (her) Your great mercy, and if it be Your Will, give to him (her) health and a complete recovery; for You are the Physician of our souls and bodies, and to You do we send up Glory: to Father, and to Son, and to Holy Spirit, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

--

O God, our help in time of need, Who are just and merciful, and Who inclines to the supplications of His people.

Look down upon ____________and have mercy on them and deliver them from the trouble that now besets them.

Deal with ____________ not according to their iniquities, but according to Your manifold mercies, for we are the works of Your hands, and You know our weaknesses.

I pray to you to grant ____________ Your divine helping grace, and endow them with patience and strength to endure their hardships with complete submission to Your Will.

Only You know our misery and sufferings, and to You, our only hope and refuge, we flee for relief and comfort, trusting in Your infinite love and compassion, that in due time, when You know best, You will deliver ____________ from this trouble, and turn their distress into comfort.

We then shall rejoice in Your mercy, and exalt and praise Your Holy Name, O Father, Son and Holy Spirit, both now and forever and to the ages of ages.  Amen

--

[Feel free to pray this one for yourself, and to edit it to be a prayer for your fiancé. From my understanding, when we are praying for someone else, we omit any references to them being a sinner. So you would edit it to 'Be merciful to him/her, O Master. Take from them the heavy burden of despair.']

O Greatly-merciful Master, Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me and cleanse me from every sadness and disturbance and cowardice. Drive away from me every spiritual choking and demonic sorrow, that I sense in my body and my soul. For You are our Joy, and the Hope of all the ends of the earth, and those far off at sea. Be merciful to me, O Master, upon my sins. Take from me the heavy burden of sin and despair. Drive far away from me every sadness and laziness. Confirm me in Your Love, and with unassailable hope and unshakable faith in You, through the intercessions of Your Spotless Mother, and all Your Saints. Amen.

--

[I would recommend this one for yourself]

O Master, Lord my God, in Whose hands is my destiny: Help me according to Thy mercy, and leave me not to perish in my transgressions, nor allow me to follow them who place desires of the flesh over those of the spirit. I am Thy creation; disdain not the work of Thy hands. Turn not away; be compassionate and humiliate me not, neither scorn me, O Lord, as I am weak. I have fled unto Thee as my Protector and God. Heal my soul, for I have sinned against Thee. Save me for Thy mercy's sake, for I have cleaved unto Thee from my youth; let me who seeks Thee not be put to shame by being rejected by Thee for mine unclean actions, unseemly thoughts, and unprofitable remembrances. Drive away from me every filthy thing and excess of evil. For Thou alone art holy, alone mighty, and alone immortal, in all things having unexcelled might, which, through Thee, is given to all that strive against the devil and the might of his armies. For unto Thee is due all glory, honor and worship: To the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen

--

[apuckishwit]

See, it's a METAPHOR

A preview of Chapter 31 of Rolled a 1 on the Check, Rolled a 20 on the Save by APuckish_Wit on A03

The boys are acting weird.

Not bad weird or anything. He doesn’t think that anything’s wrong per se. They’re just super giggly and clearly are having private conversations in their Discord messages that they’re not letting him in on. Like…way more private conversations than they usually do during a gaming session.

It's their last gaming session before a two-week hiatus so he can attend Origins (and take a little side trip to Chicago to meet the man of his—increasingly explicit—dreams face to face for the first time and hopefully sweep him off his feet with his epic love confession), and he’s been planning an epic cliffhanger for the last month. He just needs to get Will or maybe Dustin to take the bait and convince the others to investigate the Upside Down version of the mysterious Apothecary Brenner’s estate. Ordinarily he wouldn’t care too much, besides being a little miffed that they aren’t giving his masterful storytelling its proper attention…but Steve’s acting weird, too.

He has been for the last couple weeks, honestly. Again, not so much a bad weird. He’s just been quieter than usual. Distracted, almost. Eddie kind of feels like Steve is only half paying attention to their conversations lately, but when he asks about it, Steve just says he’s fine. Has something on his mind that he’s trying to work out. Eddie tries not to be saddened that Steve hasn’t asked for his help or opinion…Steve’s his friend, not his significant other (no matter how much Eddie’s hoping, praying, and fantasizing that that might be different soon) and if Steve doesn’t want to talk about what’s bothering him, he doesn’t have to.

He tries not to let the weirdness get to him, and in the end it’s actually Lucas who takes the bait and convinces them to check out the apothecary in case there are any healing potions or herbs that could be useful. The boys howl in delighted outrage when Eddie springs his trap—dozens of the sentient vines that have been harrying the party bursting from the floor and walls of the apothecary as soon as they start searching the building and ensnaring Xerxes, Will the Wise, and Sir Stephen as loud, ominous footsteps descend from the building’s upper floor.

“And that, unfortunately, is where we’re going to have to leave it for the next two weeks,” Eddie announces gleefully, eliciting more howls and bright laughter from the boys. “I do thank everyone for joining us tonight, and don’t forget to check out my Twitch and YouTube channels for live streaming events from Origins next week! I’ve got a great panel planned and a few announcements about future projects!” For some reason, that sets off more laughter from Dustin before he quickly mutes his mic, and the boys all sign off much more quickly than usual, until it’s just him and Steve in the Discord.

“You excited for the convention?” Steve asks. In the background, Eddie can here pots and pans being moved, the clink of dishes and running water. He closes his eyes for just a moment, pretending that he’s right there with Steve, the two of them debriefing their day together over the remains of a nice dinner. God, what is his life that he’s fantasizing about clearing away dirty dishes?

It would be worth a fantasy if it was with Steve, though.

“So be honest—scale of one to ten, how fucked are we when whatever it is gets down those stairs?” Steve asks, and Eddie lets out a short bark of laughter.

“Eh, I’m not saying I’ll definitely get my first character kill in…but you might want to have a backup ready.”

“Already done.”

“Is it a human paladin named Stephano?”

“No,” Steve replies in mock-offense. “It’s a human barbarian named Stefan. Totally different.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Eddie says, so much fondness coloring his tone he was sure someone looking at him would be able to see cartoon hearts circling his head. “Dustin will hate it.”

“You say that like it’s not my main motivation.”

Eddie laughs again, gathering his laptop up and heading out into the living room. Gandalf is waiting at the door to his recording room, immediately winding around his ankles as he makes his way over to the couch. A copy of Men at Arms he’d gotten from the local library is lying on the arm of the couch, face-down and open to the page they’d left off on a couple days ago. “You up for more of Sam tonight? We’re getting to the thrilling finale.”

“It’s his wedding—how much more chaos can there be?”

“Oh, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie—haven’t you been paying attention? There’s always more chaos in Discworld.”

“Hah, true. But, um—he and Sybil get a happy ending, right?”

Eddie tilts his head, curious at the sudden shift in Steve’s tone. He sounds almost…tentative. “I mean—do you want spoilers?”

“Maybe? Shut up, I know it’s stupid. I’m just…rooting for them. They’re so different, but they really love each other.”

Eddie can feel the soft, goofy smile splitting his face. “That they do. And yeah, I promise, they get a happy ending. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not perfect. Sam gets caught up in his work…kind of a lot now that I’m thinking about it. But they always make it work. Sir Terry wasn’t real big on fairy-tale perfection. His storytelling is so real. Sam and Lady Sybil…they have problems and challenges, but they just keep, I dunno, choosing each other? No matter what. So the differences don’t matter in the end, and the mistakes can be forgiven.”

Steve is quiet for a moment. “Choosing each other. I really like that.”

Gandalf leaps up on Eddie’s lap, and he absently scratches behind the cat’s ears. “Yeah,” he says softly. “Yeah, me too.”

[exlibrisfangirl]

Surgery is scheduled for February 6th!

My neurosurgeon believes I have a condition called occult tethered cord syndrome. A tethered cord occurs when the spinal cord gets stuck - or "tethered" - somewhere within the spinal column, causing the cord to pull taut and stretch, which then causes neuropathy and nerve damage (tethered cord syndrome). Sometimes, spinal cord "tethering" can be caused by scar tissue, bone spurs, tumors, or other structural obstructions that are easy to see on an X-ray/MRI/CT scan. "Occult" tethered cord is the name for a tethered cord that doesn't have a clear cause/tether point visible on imaging... but an experienced neurosurgeon will know what to look for (e.g. a spine that is being pulled too straight, thickening of the connective tissue at the bottom of the spine, etc.). To fix occult tethered cord, the surgeon must go in and look for areas where the connective tissue holding the bottom of the spinal cord in place (called the "filum terminosum") is pulling it tight, then cut the offending strands. My neurosurgeon told me that, because I've had chronic sciatica (which was originally triggered by two herniated discs in my lumbar spine) since 2009, as well as a handful of other neuropathies affecting my legs and lower organs, it's possible I've had a tethered cord for a very long time.

My neurosurgeon has performed this specific procedure 300 times, and only 2 of those times haven't been as successful as she'd hoped (but there was still some improvement). I like those odds! Patients have traveled from 11 states - and counting - to see her... and she just so happens to: a) practice in my hometown, and b) specialize in working with patients with connective tissue disorders. 😳 I am KEENLY aware of how fortunate I am, and SO very thankful!

That being said, recovery is going to be a long road. In my neurosurgeon's words, the first couple months can be "pretty gnarly", which is expected for such a major surgery. I essentially have a functional spinal cord injury from this issue going untreated for so long, so the post-op pain is going to be intense, as all of the damaged nerves below the tether point will start to "wake up" and heal. (Think... random electric shocks down your legs, whilst constantly feeling like you're on fire from the waist down. 😬) We're hopeful that the damage to my left leg, bladder, and bowels can be reversed, at least for the most part. (My left foot has been numb for several years now, so that may be beyond fixing... but I should be able to walk without a mobility aid - when my joints are behaving, at least - within a few months after surgery!) It is also possible (but not guaranteed) that, in the long-term, some or all of my other neurological conditions (e.g. POTS, gastroparesis, peripheral neuropathy, Raynaud's Syndrome, etc.) could see some degree of improvement as a result of this surgery. I am (cautiously) optimistic!

Because recovery is going to take an undetermined number of months, and there are a jumble of other health-related and personal things going on as well, I am not going back to my job after surgery. Instead, I plan to find work I can do from home for the foreseeable future. If any of you have experience with remote work, freelance or otherwise, I'd appreciate your tips!

Also, if you're the praying kind, please be praying that nothing gets worse/goes wrong between now and February, and that I am able to survive through the end of January at work! I feel like I am dangling over a crocodile pit, clinging for dear life to a dangerously fraying rope (which is, incidentally, my spinal cord 😅)... and I can't hold on much longer!

[talesofskyrim]

Oc List:2-26-24

Name:Mable

Age:42

Race:Nord

Class:Warrior Mercenary

Primary Weapon and Armor: Set of Steel armor with an ebony greatsword

Secondary Weapon:Bow and Arrow

Backstory: Mable hasn't had an easy life to say the least. She was born in Kynesgrove to a poor Mining couple,and her first 6 years were spent living in a tent. When she was 7 her parents moved to Stonehills and managed to get a simple shack as a house,however 5 months later,bandits would attack the village and her father would die defending her mother and her.

The loss of her father absolutely crushed her heart but it broke her mother even more. Her father always had a way of soothing her mother's temper and once he died,her grief manifested in anger and resentment which Mable often got the brunt of.

When Mable was 10,she began to work in the mines herself,taking the shifts her mother didn't or wouldn't work,just so she could avoid her. During which time her mother became dependant on mead to get through the day,which only made her rages worse.

When Mable was 13,all the rage her mother had came to a head,when during an argument she struck Mable with a hot pan,which hit her lower back and caused her to fall and fracture her leg and hit her head,knocking her out. Her mother was so distraught by what she had done that she wept every hour and day that Mable was unconscious,praying to all the gods for them to help her child heal. Mable would remain unconscious for 3 weeks,her injuries having been tended to by her mother and a priestess of Mara that had passed through. When she had awoken she found herself easily tired and prone to headaches that would lead her bedridden for days,sometimes even weeks. Her mother immediately quit drinking once she was on the mend and began to work on her temper.

At 16,Mable and her mother moved to Whiterun where her mother found work at the local Inn,and Mable was put into the local school at the temple of Kynereth. She was taught how to read,write,cook,and run a household. She also got some of the companions to teach her how to fight,so she could make her own way in life.

At 17,she met a guy named Bryn Stone-Hammer and they quickly fell in love and married shortly after. Within months of the marriage,Mable was with child and would have her first set of twins,Hrognar and Inga.

She would go on to have 2 more sets of twins and then one single child,their names were,Juniper,Irnkstaar,Dengir,Isobel,and Agatha.

When Mable was 26,her happy life was destroyed. While moving to their new home in the forests of Falkreath,they were attacked by a group of bandits. Her husband was killed,as were 3 of her children,Inga,Juniper,andDengir. She managed to kill the bandits and save her remaining children but she had lost 4 people she held dear.

Mable had no time to grieve.Now a single mother,she had 4 kids to comfort,clothe,feed and raise all on her own,and with bandits becoming bolder,she often spent many nights in a chair,holding her trusty sword and staring at the door,her children safely tucked in the basement.

She tended the farm for a few years before another tragedy struck,two actually.

At age 32, her remaining children fell ill with plague and died,Agatha was the first to go. Then not even a week after she burried her last child,she was kidnapped by a deranged vampire who planned to make her his "eternal bride."

Luckily she managed to kill him before he could turn her. She would also get a letter later that year notifying her of her mother's passing.

Now,as a 42 year old woman,she has been working as a mercenary and wandering all of skyrim. At first it was an attempt to meet her end,but now she has found new purpose in aiding others. If her sword and arrows keep even one person from loosing those they love,than she will be content. She is closed off and can come off as cold,but she is quite kind and simply needs time to open up.

[coffeeman777]

When I was in high school I had a teacher who bullied me, I guess, for being late to class. He’d make a big production if I got there so much as the instant the bell stopped ringing, do things like stand in the door so he could shut it in my face if I didn’t get down the hall fast enough to reach it before the bell, and a bunch of boys in the class got in on the free for all as well once they realized they wouldn’t get in any trouble for harassing me. Eventually if I thought I was going to be late I would just not go, because it was less painful then trying to go to class and being harassed and not allowed to take notes or work on any of the assignments anyway.

It was only one (not even a) year of my life but I think it affected me a lot? The thought of being late to things often brings me close to crying and it’s become habit to, if I even think I’m not going to make it in time to something, just to skip it because I’d rather deal with missing something altogether than showing up late. The problem is that this has also affected my church-going habits, in that I hardly ever go to church. I know the deep seated fear that people are going to make fun of me is probably unfounded, but in the case of church, if I miss a single week for whatever reason my fears count that as being late and then I overthink and end up too anxious to go the next week, and the next, and on. If I miss a week because say I oversleep and realize I’d be showing up halfway through the sermon, it can take me weeks or months to pluck up the courage to go back, even though I really want to, but the longer I don’t go the more I fear people will judge or make fun of me and the harder it gets and it’s already hard in the beginning. I only go to church like, between 8-14 weeks out of a given year, I believe, when I want to be going every week. It makes me afraid that I’m not really a Christian if I’m not going to church. I want to be closer to God but I don’t know how to overcome this fear. I’ve honestly had trouble with attending church since that year of high school, I think, but it’s not until the past few months that I’ve started to realize where I think some of my behaviors towards being late or missing attendance have come from.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Any kind of anxiety can be a real problem. I can say a couple of things that I hope help you out.

First, don't worry about judgement from other Christians. The Biblical command to gather together doesn't put any quotas up or bind us to any specific times. What matters is that we gather with other Christians enough to bless them, and be blessed by them. If you're going at all, that's good. And if you're going as often as you can, that's better. Do what you can do.

Second, you should look for an older Christian with some training in counseling, preferably one who's officially qualified for it, and have a talk with them about this anxiety. Also, get other Christians praying for you for healing, as you keep seeking the Lord for healing yourself. I'll pray for you, too.

I hope this helps. Be blessed!

[unwillingwriter]

We’ll Heal Together

Summary: Trauma is Trauma. They all will help each other and not abandon each other. |Takes place after LoversLane.|

Author: I was very Tired when I wrote this.

——

How do you love, without getting hurt?. How can you put yourself out there without getting hurt?.

She was kind, funny and sweet. So why did she want the brute?. The angry quiet destructive bad boy?.

Or so Garroth thought when he first saw and met Aaron. He will admit he was unfair— it was unfair of him to judge straight off the bat— it wasn’t fair that he picked him out to be a horrible person.

If he didn’t like that people did that to his baby brother— why would he do it to someone else?.

Garroth wishes time travel exists so he can go back in time to his younger self and force his sophomore self to go talk to the quiet boy and invite him to have lunch so he doesn’t sit in the corner all by himself. Probably smack him in the back of his head while he’s at it and say ‘quit being an assclown and go talk to him’.

But he can’t, he can only stay in the now— and the now wasn’t really the best at the moment.

They were home.

They were finally home— back on MyStreet!.

All of them!.

Even Travis and Aphmau…

It’s been a couple of months since lovers lane- Nine to be exact. Aphmau and Travis had made great recovery but of course with how all their lives go— no one is fully out of the mess that they’ve been through without a few issues. Travis has developed sleep paralysis along with severe migraines that feel like his head might explode— the white hair male didn’t say this himself but… the group believes that Travis has developed voices in his head due to all of them witnessing Travis muttering to himself to the point of getting frustrated.

The first to witness this was Dante. And Dante told Lucinda- Lucinda told Zane- Zane told Nana who told Katelyn- Katelyn told Kim who then told Garroth.

Explaining what had happened to all of them was hard to tell Dante the blue-haired man looked as if he was lost and absolutely terrified for all of them.

They all went to Aphmau together and told her about it. She had given them all a gentle pained smile saying she knows and that he does.

They didn’t know how to feel after being confirmed about it.

Travis also suffers from night terrors- sever at that to the point he fights in his sleep once giving Dante a black eye because of it. That caused Travis to lock his room door at night.

Aphmau, Aphmau suffers from chest pain- to the point it feels as if it’s on fire— rainy days are when it’s at its worst though. It makes the raw flesh itch, which drives her crazy.

Nana is her caregiver at the time being.

Nana is also suffering from the same kind of pain.

But as a whole— they all suffer from nightmares, they all suffer from PTSD- they all jump at the sound of fireworks or someone knocking at their door. Fear of being hunted down once again.

Kim bunks with Lucinda- Katelyn stays with her father and KC.

Zane stays at Aphmaus to help Nana watch over her.

Aaron… Well Aaron stays with Melissa. She moved them to New York for the time being— but of course not without keeping them updated with the Ultima and his progress of his own healing.

Garroth's head was spinning from thinking about it all. If Zane was here he’d probably say ‘quit thinking so much you’re gonna hurt yourself you idiot.’

The blonde smiled at the thought. Oddly enough he misses the way Zane would insult him.

And Vylad… Irene when they returned home he had never seen so much distraught in his brother's eyes before. The way he didn’t hesitate to hug Zane for once due to the fact his brother hates physical touch. It broke him, it broke both of the ro'meave brothers seeing the way their youngest brother broke down in their arms. He said seeing them on the news made his soul leave his body and pray to Irene that he wouldn’t lose them or their parents.

An hour- an hour of constant touching from him, touching them— their mother trying to sooth him that they’re okay and not gonna leave him behind.

Vylad was so distracted from his fear and relief that he didn’t notice his oldest brother had ears and a tail.

Funny enough what got the poor boy to calm down was a straight up hug from Zane when they got to a safe area where everyone could actually sit down. Zane Ro'meave, the man who hates touching hugged their baby brother first he even pulled his mask down to drop a kiss onto his curly brown hair whispering into it— Garroth respected their privacy by tucking his ears down so he doesn’t accidentally listen. Whatever Zane said made Vylad nod, hugging him tighter.

The blonde sighed, rubbing his face, scratching his newly grown beard— something he decided to let be.

It was 10pm and he couldn’t sleep, awoken by his inner demons chasing him within his nightmares.

He wanted to see if he could go back to sleep but something in him wouldn’t let him so he just took it as a sign not to try. It’s probably for the best anyway…

.

.

.

They’ll heal… they will and they will do it together no matter how long it takes.

[safespace0727]

Confession

I never pray.

I always thought it was funny to talk to someone 

who I can’t see,

Hear,

Touch,

Laugh with,

Or cry on.

Then my dad was dying.

Every couple of weeks his brain would bleed

And I would see a corpse trying to breathe.

Four months of watching him decay 

And my family slowly break

The last time he went to the hospital

I knelt in a church bathroom stall

And prayed

What I prayed was either the most selfish 

Or selfless

Because it was the only time I asked God 

To take him or heal him