#Quarantined Turf War

[amywritesthings]

SEEING YOU, SEEING ME. (1/7)

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Word Count: 1.8K

Summary: After handling a life-or-death favor for Tess, you're in deep shit. Until she can make things right, she suggests you lay low at her place for the week. The issue? It's also Joel Miller's place, and you're pretty sure he hates you.

Warnings: Mentions of death and violence, Age gap/difference, Slow burn, Angry!Joel, Eventual Smut, Enemies to Fuckers, Before the events of TLOU 1.01

( Read on AO3 )

Next Chapter / Masterlist

CHAPTER ONE: THERE, EVERYWHERE

“Where are we going?”

The scoff from the woman stalking ahead tells you it's a stupid question to ask, if not already one too many.

Head down, hood up — in the cover of night, you have managed to slide in and out of alleyways unscathed and unseen. With every darkened hour, curfew gets that much more dangerous. Risky; the gallows are a recent addition to the zone to make an example out of deserters, rule breakers, and degenerates alike.

One false move, and it'll be two additional necks tomorrow morning.

None of this running around, however, is by your own doing: Tess Servopoulos is the thing that goes bump in the night. The smuggler that knows her way around the quarantine zone with little error.

The person that gets shit done around here.

You’re only by her side because you happened to be at the wrong place, wrong time — or, in her instance, the exact spot she needed in order for Tess herself to avoid that miniscule margin of error from increasing.

A lucky fuck-up, she calls it, except the concept of luck is all for her.

For you? It’s a matter of life and death — Fedra, the gallows, are only a drop in the bucket compared to having your fate at the hands of one Robert's underlings in a domino chain of petty fights and turf wars.

Tess swears on an eye for an eye: if she can clear your name and settle a deal, then no blood will have to be shed.

(A luck fuck-up, indeed.)

“You want to live?” she asks under her breath, a pace ahead. The hallway is empty at this time of night, wrapped tightly in militant fear. “Then you stay here.”

You shove your freezing hands in your pockets. “And where is here?”

“Just a place.”

“Yours?”

The woman finally halts at a door, glancing once at you as she fishes for her keys with an irritated boredom; a Tess classic. 

“Did I say you could ask so many fucking questions?”

Bingo.

You were right: one too many.

With one quick shove of her shoulder, you’re met with a sea of earth tone pinks engulfed a low light hue. Sun-stained curtains billow against the open air. The dilapidated floral wallpaper brings an uncomfortable Deja vu of a not-so distant world that's still rapidly decaying. The furniture seems well kept, sturdy, with a dining table set and a half-sunken couch. Eerie is the sound of a soft seventies ballad crooning Looks Like We Made It by Barry Manilow from a static-filtered FM radio between the windows.

But someone is already there.

Hunched over the small, square table for two sits a broad-shouldered man with salt and pepper hair. His shoulders lurch protectively over what seems to be paper and pen. The back of the jean-clad torso tightens at the sound of Tess's boisterous entrance, and their chin turns at break-neck speed to assess the intrusion. The person's eyes do not meet yours, but your certainly meet his face.

Shit.

You know that scowl.

It never leaves his damn face.

Here, Tess has conveniently left unconfirmed, is not only her place but Joel Miller’s place. Joel Miller — the guy who will take any hardened zone job no one wants so long as no one speaks or looks his way. The person who, at the end of the day, wants to be handed what he’s owed and to be left the fuck alone.

It's the guy you have spent dozens of shifts working alongside, desperate to make rationed ends meet, without so much as an introduction or a hello.

And you're fairly certain he hates you.

While it's rumor that Joel hates everyone, it's the way he hits your shoulder as he passes by to pick up the next dead body that's festered a full-blown fabricated story like a virus in your mind. You swear his gaze hardens every time he shows up at six a.m. sharp, only to find you waiting at the dig site.

With intimidating urgency he stands, slamming the notepad closed with an open palm. 

“What’s all this?” the southern drawl is unamused. Gruff.

Angry.

Tess doesn’t look at you when Joel steps once, twice, meeting her in the middle. “A favor.”

Joel’s eyes narrow a fraction of an inch. “We don’t do favors.”

“No, we don’t,” Tess confirms with an air of aloofness, “but she did one for me.” 

“And that’s my problem, how?”

Tess looks him dead in the eye, unblinking. Joel stares back with the same intensity, nostrils flaring. Mentally they continue to argue while you stand at the mouth of the apartment. An unspoken language, fit for the two of them and leaving you clear out in the cold.

Regardless, you’re no fool. You're not a face he wants to see.

(Goddamnit, Tess.)

Joel relents, shifting his weight from one leg to another as he places his hands on his hips. The movement is followed by a hefty, exhausted sigh.

“So then what’s your plan? Since you're suddenly feeling all sorts of generous today, Tess."

Not an outright refusal. Not a threat to turn you in.

Just like that, your not-so-lucky day has turned around.

Tess nods her chin once in appreciation of this acceptance, only to gesture to you.

“Let her lay low.”

His fiery eyes flicker to you, finally, and your fingers instinctually tighten against the strap of your pack slung loosely over your shoulder.

“I assume you mean lay low here.”

“Yes.” Tess tenses, if only a little, as if to brace for the oncoming storm. “For a few days.”

His expression shifts instantly, brows knit tight to blink back at Tess. Joel starts with a bite, louder than before. 

“A few—?”

“Days. Until I can sort shit out and make everything even.”

Joel pauses for a moment, taking a much needed breath to level the rage rolling off of him in waves. You shift your bag, attempting to make no noise. Prey meet predator; God forbid you provoke him.

Then he speaks between gritted teeth.

“That’s a big fucking ask, Tess.”

Tess nods, though it's a contrast softer this time around.

“You know I wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t important. I gotta make it right before shit hits the fan. You know how Robert gets.”

And he does know, it seems, by the way he backs off with a miniscule step. His shoe scuffs at the floor, creaking the wooden boards. 

Joel lands his eyes on you for a second time. It's lessened in intensity, but it's unforgiving all the same.

You nervously shrug one shoulder, turning into a counterpoint. “If this… is an issue, I can just—”

“Go back out there until someone kills you?” Tess interrupts, craning her chin to watch you, too. “No. It’s just a few days. We can make this work.”

“And where will you be, during all this?” Joel asks, but it’s gentler this time. Worried, even if it’s laced with sarcasm. 

Tess keeps her eyes on you as she fixes her coat. “Out, but safe. It’s better to do this shit at night sometimes, as stupid as that sounds.”

"You're right, it does sound mighty fucking stupid," Joel gripes in the midst of Tess crossing the threshold between the two of you towards the door.

You almost want to beg her to stay, just for the night, but you know it'll be for nothing.

"Besides," when Tess reaches the door, she turns her head and smirks at the older man, "you could use a friend that isn’t me every once in a while.”

Joel's face drops in time with the boot taking one step ahead.

“But we don’t—”

Tess doesn't wait.

The door closes behind her faster than Joel can finish his statement.

(We don’t do friends.)

Now it’s just you, the white noise from the radio, and Joel Miller in his apartment.

Great.

Dropping his chin to his chest, Joel emits a drawn out groan and shuts his eyes. Yours wander, uncomfortable with staring, until they land on a half-full glass of amber liquid on the table with two white circular tablets.

Oxy.

Oh.

When you blink back to him, however, he notices you noticing all of this — the room, what he’s been up to, what his vices are. No explanation is read on the tip of his tongue.

Instinctually your head shakes, gentle and non-threatening.

“We all cope with whatever we have, right?” you ask despite yourself. “Not gonna… try to steal your shit or anything.”

“Good,” Joel responds, gruff yet almost uncertain. After a beat passes, the man clears his throat and gestures to the emerald couch in the corner. “I’ll, uh… I only got one bed.”

The statement makes you squint, confused, before it hits you:

“Oh.”

“It’s a small apartment,” he reasons more like a hotheaded apology than anything else, but you wave your hands in front of you.

“No, no, it’s fine. I can take the couch. I don’t even mind the floor. I really don't care.”

“I don't give a shit either, but Tess’d have my head if she found out I was good with letting you sleep on the goddamn floor,” Joel laments, sulking back over to the kitchen table to pick up his whiskey glass. You remain standing where you are in the middle of this makeshift living room as he flops down on the couch, denim-covered knees spread apart. “You take the bed. Got mostly fresh sheets put on yesterday.”

You want to ask — are you sure — but decide it’s best not to make more waves in the tsunami you’ve brought to his doorstep this late Tuesday night. You nod wordlessly, not even sure if he’s looking, before shuffling towards the open floor bedroom.

A mattress sits stacked on top of cement blocks in a makeshift frame. At first you reach out towards the pale salmon-colored sheets, gingerly pressing down on the mattress to test its give.

The bed doesn’t move.

Safe, for now.

From here you cannot see him, but you can feel him. There is a very suffocating air about this apartment; a sense of displacement. This is not home, but neither is this quarantine zone. Some people could make it as such, but it appears Joel Miller is about as unwilling to get comfortable as you are.

“Goodnight,” he chimes out of the blue from the other room. 

Your eyes widen, following the creaks of the couch as Joel situates himself on the other side of the wall — until the room goes silent.

You don’t say it back. Instead you slowly lower to the mattress that isn’t yours, afraid to contaminate his safe space with your germs. You sit with your back against the wall, fearful to touch the pillows that smell too much like a man you barely know.

For twenty minutes you wait at the left side edge, stirring in the silence, until incoherent mumbles fill the apartment.

It’s Joel, gone from the lull of an alcohol-induced slumber.

Author's Note: It's officially begun! Thank you so much for reading. This series is tied to my one shot reckless. Chapter Two is quickly on the horizon, so never you fret on the wait. As most of my works are, this is a slow burn. This will also not be the most lovey-dovey Joel, so I warn you all ahead of time. As always, comments and reblogs mean the world to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and enthusiasm over my first fic of 2023.

[bombcollar]

yesterday I was thinking about inkling parasites (because every species has them!) and came up with the Inkseed Worm.

The inkseed worm is a kind of parasitic nematode that can infect inkfish (including inklings and octolings) when water containing its eggs is ingested, or more commonly, when contact is made with infected ink. The worm migrates to the ink sac and attaches there, asexually creating thousands of eggs and feeding on the ink and tissue. These eggs are expelled in the ink.

Infection can result in damage to the ink sac, causing fever and even perforation of the organ if the parasite load is too heavy. It spreads incredibly easily during turf wars, and one match with an infected player will almost inevitably result in all eight players being infected. Detection of inkseed worm in even one person can cause citywide shutdown of all turf war activity until all inklings and octolings who have had contact with an infected player have been treated and quarantined for a few days.

Luckily, it is very easy to remove the parasite with medication and kill any eggs remaining in the ink sac. Outbreaks are uncommon these days.

[unisex-muffin]

Okay, rambling about WIS because screw it.

This is my own interpretation, taking inspiration from that one tiktoker but making it more of a virus rather than a brain parasite.

Update: I finally found her series so a huge thank you to Rosians on TikTok!!!

Also because I love Infection/Virus AU type shit (though this one doesn't get apocalyptic).

Under a readmore for convenience.

Also, feel free to use any of this!! Go wild!!

WIS is a virus with no known origin, research has found reports of WIS from as early as before the Great Turf War. It is theorized that the virus may be a result of nuclear residue from the extinction event that wiped out humans, but so far it has not been determined to be the definitive cause.

WIS only affects ink producing species, though non ink producing species can still contract, carry, and spread the virus without knowing. WIS is mainly spread through the ink of an infected individual, or through bodily fluids such as saliva.

Since its discovery, many safety measures have been put into place to limit the spread of WIS, though it still hasn't been completely eradicated.

Such measures include:

Individual spawning capsules instead of a shared spawning platform.

Required testing for WIS at least once a month and proof of a negative test result to be presented before play.

Improved monitoring and tracking of participants in inksports.

Affected individuals are required to be quarantined for a minimum of two weeks, upon which a WIS test will be performed.

If positive, the individual will be required to quarantine for another week before they can test again.

Clothing and gear made for inksports are now much less absorbent.

Cleaning crews now use powerful cleaners to sanitize arenas between matches.

Still, at least 8 cases of WIS are reported every month. Many mistake the symptoms of WIS for a common cold or flu, especially in the early stages of the virus.

Remember: it is always better to be safe than sorry. If you are concerned that you or a loved one may have contracted WIS, don't hesitate. Go to your nearest urgent care facility for a test.

Stage 0

Asymptomatic

Stage lasts about 2-4 days

Treatment: Antibiotics along with quarantine and monitoring at home

--

Stage 1 (Early Warning Signs)

Fatigue

Drowsiness

Lasts about 5-7 days

Treatment: Antibiotics and bed rest at home

--

Stage 2

Worsening symptoms of Stage 1

Desaturation of hair, ink, and/or skin

Wooziness or Dizziness

Headaches or Migraines

Confusion or "Not Thinking Straight"

Lasts about 5-7 days (Without Treatment)

Treatment: Antibiotics and bed rest at home with supervision

--

Stage 3

Worsening symptoms of Stage 2

Fever

Delirium

Hallucinations

Claiming that someone or something is calling out to them

Seeing shadowy figures or twisted versions of themselves or loved ones

Lasts 3-4 days (Without Treatment)

Treatment: Hospitalization, Patient will be treated with IV antibiotics fed directly into the ink gland

--

Stage 4 (The Cutoff)

Worsening Delirium and Hallucinations

Aggressive

Seeking Out Water

Seepage of Ink from the Eyes and Mouth

Fading of Eye Mask

No Treatment, patient must be immediately quarantined by proper authorities

May last anywhere from 8-10 days

--

Stage 5

Increased Ink Seepage

Sudden Lucidity

Patient may call out for loved ones or for help

May last between 1-3 days

--

Stage 6 (Death)

Excessive Ink Seepage

Patient will become highly aggressive and attempt to escape the room, eventually succumbing to the loss of ink and dissolving

This stage will happen suddenly and will run its course in a matter of minutes

Before medical intervention was possible, WIS was seen as an instant death sentence. The symptoms of the first three stages were largely considered to be unrelated, which meant the disease wasn't caught until patients were in Stage 4 of the virus. Many patients would voluntarily wade out into the ocean, which would spread the virus into the water, making it hard to contain.

Families were told to lock the patient away until the disease ran its course, but unfortunately this often led to patients in Stage 6 murdering their friends or family while trying to escape, and the patient would later be found as a puddle of ink somewhere in the house. The house would then be burnt down to kill any lingering trace of the virus.

[defness]

Let me guess. It went wrong?

Yup! Containment breach, and when guard response failed, the entire facility was placed into lockdown! Further quarantine included destroying bridges that lead to the secluded facility, just in case even the lockdown failed to contain the subjects. And since then, the Humans have been subsisting on supply drops from Laminax

The entire laboratory is locked in a turf war, a game of survival from the last remnants of human life within its walls! (The world is slowly going to hell around them)

[muskokafarm]

Muskoka Farm, Australia's Premier Spelling and Pre Training Complex, is Up For Sale

One of the world’s finest horse spelling and training facilities is up for sale.

Located on the Hawkesbury River in Gunderman, Muskoka Farm pre training has a reputation for high quality breaking, pre-training, spelling and agistment. It also has an 18-horse capacity export centre and a hyperbaric oxygen chamber. To know more about Pre Training, visit the Muskoka Farm website or call (02)45663106.

When you think of Muskoka, the image that comes to mind is one of kicking back. This picturesque Ontario region, which stretches from Georgian Bay to Algonquin Provincial Park (and north as far as Lake Couchiching), is dotted with mansion-like cottages and big-name celebrities have set up summer retreats along the shorelines of lakes like Joseph and Rosseau.

This is a place where the pace of life slows down, and it’s one of the reasons why the famed spelling and pre training facility Muskoka Farm in Wisemans Ferry is such a tempting proposition for anyone looking to invest in thoroughbred racing. The 117-hectare property is a renowned facility for breaking, pre-training, spelling and agistment, and it also doubles as a registered AQIS quarantine facility for exporting racehorses. Its awe-inspiring facilities include an irrigated 2400m crusher dust track, a 2000m grass track for pace work and an equine pool. Not to mention a four-bedroom period homestead overlooking the arresting Hawkesbury River, a two-bedroom guest house, facility manager’s residence and staff cottages.

Located in Gunderman on the Hawkesbury River, the 117 hectare property is renowned as one of the world’s premier thoroughbred spelling and pre training complexes. It offers an impressive equine operation with state of the art facilities, including two tracks (1000m sand, 2400m crusher dust and turf), horse swimming pool, high speed treadmill and 70 boxes.

It boasts five stable barns with 58 stables, 27 day yards for horses in work and 10 large fully fenced paddocks. Other features include a high-tech treadmill, a private jetty/pontoon and an in-ground swimming pool.

The property is also equipped with three generators that maintain power to the entire operation and a fail safe water supply fed from the Hawkesbury River through a network of large on farm dams. There is a four bedroom period homestead overlooking the Hawkesbury River, managers cottage and staff accommodation. The business operates as a commercial operation and generates a strong cashflow with an outstanding reputation for breaking, pre training, spelling and agistment.

Muskoka Farm has been in operation for over 50 years and is widely regarded as one of Australia’s leading pre-training facilities. It offers a complete set up for breaking, pre-training, spelling, agistment and is also registered as an AQIS quarantine facility.

Its reputation is a result of a long history of success in educating future racehorses. It has a wide range of services to suit any breeder or trainer including its own sand track, two kilometer hill trails and high-tech treadmill.

The farm is also home to a horse swimming pool, walking machine, barriers and 70 boxes as well as isolation stables, day yards and agistment paddocks. It also boasts a fail safe water supply, a large dam and bore, three generators and permanent garden irrigation. Its 117 hectares is capable of housing up to 180 horses.

With its vast system of lakes and rugged terrain, Muskoka was a region that was difficult to penetrate by Europeans. Although the area could sustain a population through hunting and trapping, the land was poorly suited to agriculture. After the American War of Independence, however, the British North America government began opening up the Muskoka and Haliburton regions for settlement. The Homestead Act of 1868 allowed settlers to receive free land in exchange for clearing at least 15 acres and building a cabin.

The one-of-a-kind property at 5738 Wisemans Ferry Rd, Gunderman is being offered via expression of interest with entries closing Monday May 9 at 4pm (AEST/AEDT). A glance at the listing's several photos will leave your jaw on the floor, with this world-class equine establishment bordering on heaven. To know more about Pre Training, visit the Muskoka Farm website or call (02)45663106.

The 280-acre farm houses state-of-the-art thoroughbred training facilities such as a 2400m crusher dust track, 800 metre straight and a 2000m grass track for pace work. The complex is also equipped with an equine pool and high speed treadmill. It has an capacity to accommodate 200 horses with a stunning four-bedroom period homestead overlooking the Hawkesbury River, private jetty/pontoon, in-ground pool, helipad and a number of guest/management houses and staff cottages.

[beautifulstarsbeastars]

Quarantined Turf War

This is an idea I’ve had for several months now-like what if, due to a ‘certain world crises that is going on in real life’ the Turf War has to take place on a video chat? I haven’t written anything of this idea yet as I have no real plot to this one-shot, but here are some highlights I have so far:

- Ten gets hit in the head by a roll of toilet paper (thrown by one of her fellow foxes).

- Gosha is entranced by the filters/icon edits(?) and ends up having a donut with his face on it as his video icon and can’t figure out how to fix it.

- The Shishigumi are all drunk/high and Melon has to be the voice of reason (which he hates!) and I quote: “Why the flying f*ck would you do that??!!” (yelled/asked when Free comes to him with a very bizarre problem)

- On that note, Sabu and Jinma decide they want to watch a horror movie/Game of Thrones (thought up because my sister and dad have been watching that a lot lately) and Agata is too scared to watch it so he goes crying to Melon. 

quotes:

“You know how sensitve he is! Watch something else!”

“I thought you didn’t care, Boss!”

“I don’t! But Agata’s annoying whining becomes my problem! Now change the damn channel”

- On the same note, Dolph comes up with a new nicknmae for Melon! Much to his annoyance: “Mello!...Yellow Mello!...Jello Mello!...Yellow jello Mello! Mello-lo-jello-yellow-Mellomellomellomello!”

- And also, Miguel takes Hino’s enchilada-Melon has to yell: “GIVE HIM THE ENCHILADA!”

- Yahya is high voiced due to a helium tank breaking in the air vents of the police building. He later throws his laptop out the window in a fit of rage. 

- A video of Oguma dancing is found (he is either dancing to Gangman style or doing the dance from the Take on Me videos on YouTube) and Louis is both embaressed and shocked at how well his father can dance. 

- A debate as to how one could overdose on Laxitives and if one’s colon could explode if that happens (instead of dying). 

- (not as sure about this one but) Yahya’s mother somehow finds the chat and joins it to harass Yahya for never marrying or giving her grandchildren before calling Gosha a talking donut and Melon a half pizza face (or just insulting Melon and Legosi as hybrids) while Yahya’s father does something stupid in the background while naked (this would likely be why Yahya throws his laptop out the window).

- On that note, Yahya’s mother thinks Gosha and Yahya are ‘back together’-she’s fine with it, but only if they swore they’d adopt horse children (she just wants Yahya to get married and have kids, she doesn’t care who he marries or how he has kids)-uncomfortable and awkward silence follows.

- One of Legosi’s neighbor’s has a loud and very weird phone conversation outside of his door and everyone can hear it. Whatever it is, it leaves them speechless. Also, his (new) pet beetle crawls over the webcam, freaking out/startling everyone else. 

- Two of Savon’s fellow Komodo dragons get into a heated argument, causing him to intervene. It’s what they were arguing about thats baffling.

This would be a parody of the 180′s and 190′s chapters (though some characters/chapters would not appear/be mentioned in it (glaring at chapter 181 and Melon’s father) and would be, basically, be about Beastars characters in quarentine (COVID would not be mentioned in the fic-except as ‘this virus’ and the fic is not at all meant to make fun of COVID or anyone effected by it-this is just a ‘life in quarentine’ take on the Turf War).

All characters belong to Beastars (Except for Yahya’s parents, I made them up!)

Quarantined Turf War is (c) Me

[aaaaaaaaafdg]

[gallusrostromegalus]

can you please tell me how you deal with pests in the garden because your plants look soooo healthy and beautifuk. i started gardening this year for the first time (excessively, due to boredome because of quarantine) and i have an amphid INFESTATION that i can't seem to get rid of😩

Ok but you may not like the answer.

These funky lil dudes:

North American Yellowjackets is a common name refering to two genera of Hornets,  Vespula and Dolichovespula, and these Neon Flying Babes are THE MOST voracious predators of catepillars, aphids, beetle larvae, and other bugs that like to chow on crops and flowers.  There’s an annually reoccuring nest on my house (last year it was 30 ft over the front door, this year I think they’re under the porch) and that hungry-ass colony LOVES my garden and there’s usually a dozen hunting in it during daylight hours.

100% plant-safe, organic, nature-based and highly effective pest control.

Contrary to popular belief, they aren’t aggressive- I can water, weed and harvest with them around and they don’t give a shit about me.  The undeserved rap comes from the unfortunate circumstance of:

1. Yellowjackets are sensitive to the color Yellow it looks like other yellowjackets, and Yellowjackets love hanging out with thier buddies and fucking up rival wasps.

2. Yellowjackets are freaked out by sudden motions, like plants waving in windy conditions or humans waving arms in a panic

3. Yellowjackets release a pungent odor when crushed that causes every other yellow jacket in the are to FREAK because under normal circumstances, a crushed friend means HIVE IS UNDER ATTACK RED ALERT IT’S A FUCKIN BEAR GO GO GO!!

4. Yellowjackets fuckin’ love cooked chicken.  the smell of a bucket of KFC will summon every yellowjacket for half a mile around, instigating a hornet turf war, and when some kid inevitably panics and smashes a wasp, they go from Hype to KILL A BITCH and then someone gets stung in the eyeball.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But as long as you move slowly and aren’t eating a chicken sandwich? they don’t notice you.  Wasp has other, caterpillar-related prioroities.

Oh and to keep up with the really teeny pest like mites, treehoppers, microisopods etc, I also encouraged a shitload of these to hang out: 

This is the Bold Jumper, the big jumping spider you might see around, which has bonkers good vision and can even see the moon about as well as we can. They’re harmless and adorable and my only complaint about them is that sometimes they want to hand out on my arm and not leave and I’m always worried Im gonna hurt them trying to budge them off.

[cuddledot]

The Inkblot Disease [REVISED]

Potency: Erraticus

Transmissibility: Contagious 

Phenomena: Enigma

Scale: Area

More information undercut

Origin: Dating back during the Great Turf War in a militant lab base, vacated

Occurrence: Rare

Pathogen: Virus

Treatment: Antivirals, Contaminated Ink Removal Treatment (CIRT)

Transmission: Physical contact with the inflicted or a single drop of tainted black ink upon the skin

Prevention: Vaccinations and isolation from any of the malady’s presence

Early Symptoms: Blackening of fingers and ear tips, including the tips of tentacles, faint discoloration of eyes, bleaching ink color, dry coughs, vomiting of black ink, fatigue, fever, sweating.

Later Symptoms: Ink color completely turns pitch black, distortion/melting of face and limbs (including eye mask and eye pupils), gradual liquidation of the body starting from the arms and legs till it reaches up the chest. Violent coughs, extreme vomiting of black ink, numbness of some body parts, skin tone gradually turns darker as the black ink consumes the victim’s body.

Late Symptoms (Terminal Stage): Body completely liquified, victim lost all of his/her memories turning into a monster, melting and distortion of the face and limbs.

Notes: After the patient reaches their terminal stage, their body becomes free-forming liquid, assembling into numerous shapes and forms. If someone comes in contact with the abomination, they’ll end up being latched on and absorbed from the inflicted, causing the victim to be completely turned to their terminal stage. This also can result in the creation of the Cephamalagam.

- - - - - - - -

The Inkblot Disease has dated back hundreds of years ago during the Great Turf War. Located within a secret base between the former war lines of Inkling and Octarian territory, now abandoned. The facility was run by inkling scientists in the development of war weaponry, one of them being a bioweapon. Despite the controversy within the facility, the operation of the bioweapon still proceeds in development, especially during a time for desperate times and desperate measures to gain triumph.

The department successfully acquired a lab-made pathogen to weaken the enemy lines. It was a successful start as it gained them an advantage. It was, however, too soon to speak of victory. 

Everything backfired as the viral strain mutated, causing an anomalous transformation within the enemy lines, known as the Cephamalgam, a mass fusion Inklings and octolings. Soldiers saw their troops dissolve and transformed into something that is deemed vile and horrifying. The entity behaved hostile towards both armies, causing the Octarian and Inkling armada to retreat as the anomalies attacked both sides. 

Within the laboratory, personnel got overwhelmed by the outbreak, infecting most of the cephalopod personnel and consuming the others as prey. The cause of the outbreak remains unknown, yet it was speculated that a captured soldier used as a test subject for the bioweapon got transformed and escaped from containment, resulting in havoc.

Few survivors managed to escape from the facility, yet the outbreak continues during the midst of the war.

Soon enough, both enemy lines were inflicted by this ailment increasing amounts of casualties, famously known as the “Inkblot Disease.” This name has been coined due to many victims’  ink color turning black and their bodies liquefying into a free-forming sort of monster that takes many shapes, like an “inkblot.” Not only did it take effect during the war, it nearly reached their homelands. The Octarian race successfully managed to conduct quarantine and established safety procedures for the public. Though on the Inkling's side, their desperate attempts are to keep it discreet from the crowd masking it as some minor flu epidemic. To prevent further suspicion from the public, personnel are ordered to detain anyone infected, along with apprehending any residents that try to speak up against the administration. 

Despite the death toll, the Inkblot has finally been contained. After 10 years, a treatable cure has been found along with safe certified treatment procedures, those with the early stages of the disease are cured thanks to treatment. Those who are in the terminal stage however must be terminated. The lab foundation where it originates was destroyed, sunken underground in the deep chasm after the catastrophe. The area is entirely out of limits, kept away from the public and wiped out from the geological maps.

It used to be so highly common to get infected with the Inkblot. Nowadays, the disease is considered rare, so rare that many cephalopod folks may recall that the disease could be a mere urban legend or its completely eradicated, along with its history. For inklingkind, it was best to never mention the tragedy, for it is a grim reminder of their atrocities they'll never admit.

The rumors about the Inkblot faded into obscurity; a forgotten memory that's left to be disregarded for good. 

The Inkblot may no longer be a threat today. For them of course. But they remain underground, waiting for their awakening.

[magioffire]

part of the reason the ljosalfar opted to basically confine the dokkalfar within the sidhe instead of say, just wiping out their enemies entirely, is because of how utterly difficult it was to wipe out the dokkalfar. or maintain any sort of large scale military conquest within the sidhe. 

the ljosalfar and their allies took a pretty massive chunk out of the dokkalfar after the divine war, until the dokkalfar retreated fully into the sidhe. on their own home turf, the dokkalfar could effectively hold out against their enemies, and prevent any further advancement into their land.

 the jungles of the sidhe are nigh impenetrable to traverse though and are nearly impossible for outsiders to navigate without a guide, the jungle is labyrinthine, seems to change at will.  this slows down any troops or supplies that try to move through the sidhe. this made them sitting ducks against dokkalfar guerrilla warfare. 

the dokkalfar also bred extremely quickly, and replaced their numbers much faster than the ljosalfar could effectively replace, arm, feed and move troops through the sidhe to cut them down again. jungles are one of the most difficult terrains for warfare, and complete with an underground advantage too, the ljosalfar and their allies stood little chance against the dokkalfar in their territory. 

eventually, the invading ljosalfar decided to cut their losses and retreat, instead opting to contain the dokkalfar inside the sidhe, instead of their original intention of wiping them out completely. they maintain a strict border alongside the edges of the sidhe, maintaining control over most of the travel in and out of the quarantine zone. 

[saii-the-idiot]

Helluva Boss/ Hazbin Hotel spoilers,,, again

Okokok so I have arranged this into a theory. Starting with what we know for sure. Imps can kill other imps in the wrath ring. The overlords can be killed, but only by special weapons. We don’t know enough about the other rings yet but assuming that because they’re also only populated by imps and other natural born hell creatures with no way for humans to access them, we’re going to say for the sake of this theory that they follow the same rule and that since pride is run by someone who isn’t native to hell it’s the only exception (Lucifer was cast out of heaven in the bible). The two possibilities right now are that either it’s possible for sinners to kill imps and they’re just unaware of it so the imps built their city farther away as a means of protection and they have a mutual trust to not kill each other while there, or the imps that visit the pride ring are immune to being killed by sinners and other imps alike. For the purposes of this theory, I’m going to set angel weapons and the special overlord killing guns like Striker has in episode 5 aside for a bit as they aren’t common enough to add anything important to the body of this theory.

Ok first off before I start digging into the actual meat of this I’d just like to say, I believe the annual purge is something that only happens in the pride ring. Judging by the fact that the imps can kill each other off in the other rings and that their population doesn’t grow nearly as fast, they don’t exactly need an annual purge. Also from what we’ve seen of the wrath ring, they have plenty of room for farms. Wrath at the very least isn’t packed full of citizens in huge dense cities needing to be purged every year, and again assuming the other rings operate in a somewhat similar way (as in they don’t have sinners constantly flowing in) it’s a personal theory of mine that the only ring with an annual purge is pride. 

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s look at our first possibility. That the imps are able to be killed by anyone, including sinners, in the pride ring. That the imps, in avoiding the murderous sinners, built their city far away to avoid any accidents. And that the imps have a mutual understanding not to kill each other. This possibility however is disproved by Helluva Boss episode 2; Loo Loo Land. I’m talking about the amount of people that survive the seemingly deadly theme park. Between the fires set by Blitzo in his battle against Robo Fizz, the deadly rides, and the assassins shown lurking around every corner, this isn’t exactly somewhere you would wanna take your kids for a fun day with the family. This is further supported by Loo Loo the mascot’s line “If y’all get hurt here, just try and sue us!” I know this seems like a bit of a reach considering it’s just one line, but Loo Loo did specifically say “get hurt” instead of “get killed”. While it’s easy enough to overlook if you’re not paying attention, in a series centered around death and the afterlife where every detail matters, I think it’s actually a clue as to the way death works in hell and what it means for the series. In the series in general imps and sinners alike are shown to survive really traumatic injuries in the pride ring without much more than a scratch or bruise to show for it. The exception in this episode is when Stolas turns someone into stone by just looking at them, but we’re not counting that as supporting evidence because he’s an extremely powerful overlord.

Another exception to this are Sir Pentious’s egg minions who are killed en masse in the turf war of the Hazbin Hotel pilot, but they don’t appear to be sinners or imps so we’re going to set them aside for now and theorize about them another time. The only ever confirmed deaths that take place in the pride ring are caused by overlords, and in a place literally crawling with murderous psychopaths this leads me to believe that regular imps and sinners are completely incapable of murder in the pride ring without angel weapons. The imps are also constantly exposed to the sinners, so surviving as a population for tens of thousands of years at least without any casualties at all is impossible. The imps are also violent beings by nature, the majority of which are completely unopposed to killing, so the chances of them living in harmony on the outskirts of the ring are next to zero. With all this, I think we can safely rule out this as a possibility for how the pride ring operates. This leads me to the next option. 

The other (more likely) possibility is that the pride ring is an immune zone to killing. First off, it wouldn’t make sense for the sinners to be able to kill one another and the imps here, as they wouldn’t get their eternal punishment that way. The purpose of hell is to punish sinners eternally, and if the sinner can just nope out whenever they want then it defeats the purpose entirely. Hell is also, you know, full of people that have committed horrifying acts in their lives. It’s full of every murderer, psychopath, and just all around asshole out there. This is the afterlife with no consequences and a lot of sinners would take advantage of this. There could and probably (knowing the demeanor of the sinners) would be imp hunting events set up by the unkillable human souls to prey on the In terms of the purpose of hell, the general immunity to harm displayed in this ring, and the way the ring has quarantined the sinners to only be able to live there, It’s my firm belief that imp or sinner you’re unable to die in the pride ring at the hands of anything other than an angel’s weapon. 

This would also make the pride ring a safe place for the imps to go to avoid being killed off by other imps. There is however a much darker side to this part of the theory. What if the pride ring isn’t this safe place that the imps are looking out for? Sure, some of them might be going there on purpose to try and make lives for themselves, but there’s also a possibility that imp city in the pride ring is a place for castaway and escaping imps to go if they can’t stay in their own rings. This would add to the overpopulation and increase their chances of being killed in the annual purge however. I feel like if imps are moving to the pride ring and it is a neutral zone they have nothing left to lose and are willing to accept the possibility of their deaths every year. It could also be a place for imps sent for execution/eternal punishment of their own to go, given that not a lot of people want to willingly move to the place with an annual purge. 

However, there is one thing that could potentially poke a massive hole in this theory, and that’s the official Hazbin Hotel comic “A Day In The After Life” in which we’re introduced to the concept of cannibals in the afterlife. In this comic, (for those who have no idea what I’m talking about) Alastor goes down to the part of town where the society of cannibals lives because he got word of a new butcher he hadn’t heard of before and wanted to try his products. Knowing this is a cannibal colony, they would have to be eating sinners and/or imps. You’re probably wondering “how could they be killing and eating each other if this is a safe zone?” but this also has a possible explanation. Angels are known to sometimes leave behind their weapons after the purge, as shown in the Hazbin Hotel pilot, so the butchers in the colony could have just picked up the weapons after a purge. This is further supported by Alastor hearing of a “new” butcher just after the last purge, meaning the butcher probably only got in business after getting his hands on an angel’s weapon. 

Another thing that could disprove this theory is the other official Hazbin Hotel comic “Chapter 1: Dirty Healings” In which Angel Dust kills several of Valentino’s “associates”. This is once again disproved by the fact that the angel weapons can be fashioned into guns, as shown in Helluva Boss episode 5. If Angel Dust had even one of those guns, he would easily be able to kill all the shark demons. (Don’t ask why Angel Dust can’t just kill Valentino if he has the gun(s), he’s extremely outnumbered and would be killed almost immediately if he did)

Another thing I was thinking about is because the imps can travel between rings, can they just go to a different ring for the purge? If so, then can all imps do this? But that’s yet another theory for another day.

These are all just theories of course, feel free to correct me if I got anything wrong. I’d like to see what y’alls opinions on this are. Watch a new episode come out and prove like,, all of this wrong. Sorry for this being so long and wordy lol

[cutie1365]

A Kid from Queens Part 14

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Info: CA: Civil War Era. Tony Stark enlists his daughter to find the web slinging spider in Queens.

Word count: 1.6k

Warnings: n/a

A/N: Hopefully another chapter coming soon, let's keep the quarantine going strong before online classes start.

Masterlist linked in my bio. Taglist in the reblog.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

To say you were keeping busy would be an understatement. If Linda wasn’t dragging you from photoshoot to photoshoot, you were in your lab in your apartment, dissecting the data you’d collected from Thomas’ servers.

The first thing you noticed was an incredible level of encryption. Seriously, the firewalls at their residence rivaled what you used at Stark Industries. That wasn’t a good sign, they were definitely hiding something.

It took you days to follow the money trail, finally finding their private account. They’d been careful, using bitcoin and other nearly untraceable cryptocurrency. Nearly untraceable, but you’d cracked the code. It looked like over the past few months the mayor has been funneling in larger and larger amounts, but you noticed a bimonthly withdrawal to the same anonymous source. It was the only movement of funds outside of the account, all other transactions had been moving money in. Your brain hurt from staring at your screen so long. You knew it would take a few more hours for Friday to track the transaction, and you were overdue for a break.

“F.R.I., trace these transactions, get me an IP address, see who it’s registered to and if we have files on them. I want to know what he’s buying.” You instructed, slipping your coat on, and heading out of your apartment.

“You got it boss.” The AI responded.

As you made your way into the park below to clear your head, you noticed a bodega at the entrance. Maybe coffee would be a good idea, you needed the energy, you could sense it was going to be a long night.

As you ordered, you glanced down to the magazines below, and came face to face with yourself. Your Vogue cover had come out, surely just as Linda wanted it. You knew it wasn’t worth it to waste mental energy on the fact that they’d edited the hell out of your face and body. You swore they had shrunk your waist two sizes.

“This you?” The owner asked in a thick Russian accent, pointing towards the magazine.

“Oh, yeah.” You smiled, humbly.

“You sign?” He asked, holding up a sharpie to you.

“Sure.” You took the pen from him, scribbling your name across the cover. This was odd. You were used to signing large checks for charity, sure, but never autographs.

“My daughter, she like you very much. She want to be engineer now.” He smiled proudly, handing you your coffee.

“That’s wonderful.” You smiled brightly, you never expected to be a role model, but if it was for anything you were happy to encourage young women into STEM fields. It was truly heartwarming. You thanked the man, and left him a large tip.

You strolled through the park, going through your mental checklist and schedule for the week. You were leaving in a few days to go to Boston, Linda had gotten you an invitation from MIT to judge their annual robotics competition.

As you journeyed back to your apartment and opened the door, you heard loud beeping coming from your lab.

Rushing around the corner, hundreds of pictures of black market weapons were flooding your desktop.

“What am I looking at here F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” You asked, pulling the display out into holograms to get a better look.

“Wire payments tracked to a man named Adrian Toomes. Uncertain what the payments were for, but several other black market transactions and evidence seems to point to these weapons being circulated.” She explained, enlarging the clearest photograph in front of me.

“Maybe the mayor was looking to dip into the business, wanted a chunk. Maybe he wanted the monopoly on the mafia accounts, expanding the business to the most powerful underground families in the city.” You guessed.

“Something’s not right,” You grabbed the rendered blueprint hologram of one of the weapons, enlarging it then spinning it, “Are these man made?”

You began to deconstruct the hologram, removing the outer metal layers, landing at its core power source, your eyes growing wide.

“Is that... a Chitauri energy core? How could they possibly have this much volume? Even if they hoarded some after the incident, it wouldn’t be enough to sustain the operation they seem to be running now. The only other stores this large are locked away in the Department of Damage Control, and I don’t know of any authorizations to remove them.” You thought out loud. They must have been stealing them, turning them into weapons and selling them on the black market. This is more than just a mafia turf war, this is terrorism. Shit.

You knew whatever the mayor had gotten wrapped up in was bad, but you never expected it to be this bad. You were way out of your depth here, you knew you couldn’t just sit on this information.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., is dad upstate?” You asked.

“Yes, his plane landed an hour ago.”

“Good, tell him to stay put, I’m on my way.”

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

An hour into your drive you were thanking god for the decision to get coffee earlier. Although your car could technically self-drive, you liked to be in control.

As you pulled into the compound, you saw your father waiting for you at the door. You pulled open the door to your car, making your way towards him.

“You’re gonna give your old man a heart attack if you keep showing up like this.” He raised a brow, curious to what you were up to.

“We both need a vacation.” You scoffed lightheartedly, pushing past him, and into the compound.

You led him into his office, you knew you needed a secure location to safeguard the information you were about to present to him.

“You gonna tell me what all this is about?” Your father took a seat, wearily.

“You’re not going to like this.” You nervously held your hands behind your back, unsure of where to begin.

“Do I ever?” He crossed his arms over his chest, he assumed this would be about Peter again, he never could have expected why you were really here.

“At the gala, as we were going in, a man tried to warn me, he said there was something I should know about the mayor. Thomas pulled me away before he could finish.” You began, your father shaking his head at the mention of Thomas.

“He knew what was going to happen?” Your father asked, sitting up straight in his chair, leaning towards you.

“I don’t think so.” You shook your head. “But I never forgot what he said, I knew he knew more, and after what happened at the gala... I had to know. I knew it wasn’t a random attack. I tracked him down, he said the mayor’s in deep. Deeper than mafia, he thought maybe they were dealing some sort of weapons.”

“Why did he try and warn you?” He asked, you could tell his protective side was coming out.

“He thought they might try to target me to hurt them, hurt their image.” You tried to put as delicately as possible without outright saying they were using you, but your father understood, and it did nothing but fuel his anger.

“And you went back to this asshole because...?” He asked, patronizingly.

“Will you let me finish please.” You pleaded, and he sat back slightly, not understanding how this could get worse. “After the... article came out, I knew I could use him as an alibi, to shift the focus, discredit the story. We made an agreement. He needed to get back in his father’s good graces, and I was the key to that, and a boost in his polling numbers. It also gave me the opportunity I needed to look into the family, see if there was any credibility to the warning.”

“What did you find?” He raised a brow, it must have been bad enough to bring you here at this hour of night.

“Dad, It’s bad.” You shook your head, “F.R.I.D.A.Y.” You asked, and the AI displayed all the evidence you’d recently uncovered around the room for the two of you to examine. Tony stood and made his way around the room, taking it all in, in shock. And just when he thought it couldn’t get worse, once more, it wasn’t just illegal offshore accounts and weapons, you grabbed the hologram and deconstructed it just as you’d done in the lab.

“Is that...” Tony asked in shock, picking up the rendered core in his hands.

“Chitauri, I think they’re stealing them from Damage Control.” You nodded, Tony exhaled.

Part of him was relieved this meeting didn’t have to do with Peter, but this was much worse, and potentially extremely dangerous for you.

“What do I do?” You asked, shaking your head. This was new territory for you, you weren’t an Avenger, you weren’t the hero type.

“You take this to the FBI, this isn’t exactly Avenger territory. If they’re stealing from Damage Control, it’s federal property, their jurisdiction. They’ll know what to do.” Tony nodded, crossing his arms over his chest and placing a hand under his chin, still deep in thought.

“You did the right thing here kid. Next time, maybe give me some heads up if you decide to go hacking into people’s servers, criminal records, and the black market.” He smirked, he feigned an authoritative tone, but was really quite proud of what you’d done. He knew the potential you had, but was worried you’d be swayed and deceived by emotions, but he was wrong. You knew exactly what you were doing, and you weren’t doing it for revenge or personal gain, but for public safety and welfare.

“But where’s the fun in that?” You smirked, you really were your father’s daughter.

[youarejesting]

My fics in 2020

I am proud of this year. I worked hard until the end. 2020 was my year of finishing my stories. I have done so much and next year I want to do more. So keep an eye out Jester will take over.

Fandom(s): BTS, mentions of NCT, BLACKPINK, MONSTA X.

Networks:@btscreatorscorner @castlebangtan

Total Fics: 34

Total chapters: 404

Total Words: 565,587 Total vids and fake subs: 13 

Best and Worst Title?

Best: ‘Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire’ and its sequel ‘Dance is the celebration of the flame’

Worst: The Check Up

Best and Worst first line?

Best: Yoongi never understood why people would say one's blood is important. (Mania)

Worst: It all started in Mykonos. (Steal my sunshine)

Best and Worst ending line?

Best: “I got you this pretty dress” Seokjin grinned showing you the dress before hugging you and giving your forehead a kiss, “Let’s go burn it” (Me & the ghost in number 23)

Worst: But all you got was a sharp-toothed smile. (Pandemonium)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than, or about what was expected?

I think I wrote what I expected, but I think I could have definitely finished more. Which is a bit upsetting.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? 

I don’t have limitations to my writing so nothing is deemed unpredictable.

I am however generally surprised by my love of throwing in twists and also gore, I love gore.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Wild space: it is strange because I am not particularly a fan of space and scifi, but I am really into writing world building things and having the ability to create a whole planet was amazing.

Most popular story? 

Tumblr:

Seoulmates

Femme

Quarantine

AO3: 

Quarantine

BTS365

Love Listening

Story most underappreciated by the universe? 

Tiny Tan: Limited Edition

Story that could have been better? 

All

Sexiest story?

 Love Listening

Saddest story? 

 Me & the ghost in number 23

Fluffiest story? 

Mall Santa

Most fun story? 

BTS Among Us 

Hardest story to write? 

Kisaeng

Daylight (i'm still writing it haha)

Easiest/most fun story to write? 

Light it up

What story took the longest?

365 lol took all year

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? 

The biggest risk I took all year was posting my work. Living life on the edge.

What are your fic writing goals for next year? 

To double my writing

Fics that you wrote in 2020:

BTS365: 365 mini stories ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure, smut. This has it all. Find your birthday and read your story. I wanted to give something unique to people.

Quarantine: 100 Chapters ✓ Something to accompany you while you are alone during quarantine and the pandemic. I was lonely and I figured so was everyone else. So, I decided to have BTS help us all go on an adventure that didn’t focus on the covid virus but on some other aspects around it.

Femme: 50 Chapters ✓ A futuristic world where women are rare. This was an indulgement fic that gave circumstances for the reader to be in a polyamorous relationship with the boys and live a glamorous life. Ending was a bit rushed.

Seoulmates: 29 (ongoing) Each member of BTS has a unique soulmate bond. I love the idea of this, another indulgent fic but you aren’t alone with the boys you have friends and you can play different parts.

Witching: 11 Chapter ✓ When your brother goes missing trying to find them gets you in a turf war between two covens. This fic was actually a way for me to vent for a project I wanted to complete but the project is so big that I wrote this instead.

Herb: 2 Parts ✓ mature, smut. Jimin claims he has everything you need, he doesn’t disappoint. I came across this idea within the 365’s and extended it because I liked the idea so much. Jimin has everything from casseroles to scarfes, cat food to cell phone chargers and the reader just wants to be loved and relieve stress.

Limited Edition: 10 Chapters ✓ BTS boys are sold as limited edition figurines. This was originally me venting about not having any merch and then became a daydream that what if the merch came alive. And the story was born.

BTS Among Us: 7 Chapters ✓ gore, action, adventure, scifi, angst, death of main characters. This one was so funny for me, I had my friend pick a colour and that was the imposter from the start. I was amazed that no one figured it out in the end. I want to play again soon.

Light it up: 13 Chapters ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure. This was inspired by the dynamite trailer, I loved it so much that I began writing, I had no clear direction but as I wrote it started to shape and someone said it was like stranger things and I credited Stranger things cause it did indeed have a similar premise and I don’t want to pretend I came up with something that has already been done.

Love listening: 2 Parts ✓ SMUT, comedy, fluff, angst, romance, mature. This was inspired by a strange video that came up on the internet, I was searching for BTS misheard lyrics and the video I clicked had some funny ones but after that the next suggested video was bts moans and auto play was on and well this fic was born.

Me & the ghost in Number 23: 11 ✓ fluff, comedy, scifi, supernatural, romance, angst, mature, smut, death of main character. This was inspired by many of the ghost text au’s I had read but many of them were like the show oh my ghost where the main ghost character isn’t actually dead just in a coma and I thought the opposite way instead of them waking up, I wanted things to shape the other way. This one was so difficult to write and I cried a lot due to the loneliness Jimin was facing and the mourning from Yoongi.

Hope in the sheets: 4 chapters (so far) fluff, comedy, smut, adventure, slice of life, romance, angst, mature, growing up. This one is a fic that targets my childish desires. I have grown up so much and this fic is a visual representation of that. 

Asks: 77 (ongoing) where the bts boys answer the readers questions and concerns.

Reactions: 15 (ongoing) 

Prompts: 18 (ongoing)

One shots:

Kisaeng: This was a reverse fic project, the idea that instead of Mulan pretending to be a man and going off to war, it was BTS dressing as women to stay home from war. I loved writing about fictional history. 

Steal my Sunshine: This was a summer project. I wanted to write something that felt like a very bad spy movie, like Mellissa Mccarthy and Mr Bean-esque. I formed this one and it made me laugh the whole time writing it.

Blue Side: This was talking to myself about being sad and admitting that I could be sad but I should learn to split the happy and sad into two worlds and limit my time in them both, it was about equal balance and finding the good in the sad and the sad in the good. I don’t know how hard to explain.

Temptation: I had fun writing but it is pure SMUT. not even good SMUT.

Pandemonium: This was really fun. The premise is dark and the ending is left ambiguous, in the original, Namjoon kills the reader but I left it open so you can imagine them continuing their relationship or not.

Mall santa: A fluffy christmas piece. A secret santa I wrote that I felt needed to be soft and quirky and have just all the hallmark moments.

Mad: This one is finished, but I have it published privately at the moment waiting to unveil it as it is well SMUTTY. I don’t know what it is about Taehyung but he is always so dark and I guess that's what people find appealing. I had this idea from a 365prompt and well I had to write it.

One wish: This was a birthday fic that I wrote for a friend. I wanted people to read it on their birthdays or imagine their birthdays and themselves in this position if they made the same wish.

The Check Up: I wrote for this for a friend going through a personal procedure, they were nervous so I took their bias and made something I hoped they could think about while in the procedure and I even explained the steps and what might happen over the next few days hoping the whole thing wouldn’t seem as scary because technically her mind had already been through it when reading the story.

Sparks of the heart: Robots developing human feeling. It was a cute universe and Yoongi’s story will be a series within 2021.

Dance machine 3000

Digital Art

Electronic Tonic

Circuit chef

Random Access Memory

Kookies Trojans and Malware

Feel Better: Another fic written for a author who was sick, I wanted them to endulge in some escapism whilst they were sick.

Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire & Dance is the celebration of the flame: These two were requests that I loved dearly.

Horror movies: Cheesy damsel in distress meets boys will be boys.

I will wait (somesay): This song wouldn’t get out of my head so I had to write it.

Wild Space: When I wanted to write a hybrid AU but I already have a hybrid AU being edited. So hybrid werewolves meets space.

The Bomb: This one is compete and ready to post I had to talk myself out of writing this as a series but I love the story line. I love the end.

Lost Boys: This has been stuck in my head since i had a dream about it and I finally wrote it into the new year. I hope you like it.

Mania: Not my favourite work, love ABO universe I just haven’t got an actually story line so it is on hold.

Incaceration: The story that never was, I really need to get around to this one.

Tagging: @moccahobi I know you wanted to tag me... but I am finished so I am tagging you.

[stefon]

new york’s hottest club is GWOSH. this sinkhole which spontaneously opened on 29th october 2020 is a rat nest under a bronx bus stop and it has got it all and more: rats, drinks, soccer, pickled onion cheesecake, people cosplaying kim kardashian’s private island “normal times no corona” b-day party, a representative of rupaul oil gas & total pollution company, something they call a vtuber, a human ink cartridge--

“stefon, the human ink cartridge, explain.”

well, it’s that thing when a tattooed one-man act quits and it’s easier to start a new club from scratch than find a replacement

which brings us to the replacement, yes yes yes yes yESssss:

new york’s hottest club is (sounds of katy perry on bath salts). the starboard side of this quarantined cruiser is for the moment under the control of former actor-cum-head chef-turned-pirate/cannibal Crisp “Child Hunger“ Brat. left adrift in the north atlantic since march, this drone-taped reality show has nothing: zero fuel, no food, fried radios... a room-to-room turf war for the pool deck entering its sixth week already... and who’s that at the food court? is it yoko ono? no! it’s a human defibrillator!

“stefon, what is a human defibrillator?”

it’s that thing, like when they wrap a dude in a rubber suit in live wires and then send him to the meat section to touch the raw steaks so they wiggle

[delomaniaofficial]

Okay so I have gotten people screaming at me in asks (yall are on anonymous, I see you) about what I said as a joke in an earlier post about hazbin hotel.

Do NOT get me wrong- I love Hazbin Hotel. I love the characters, it's an interesting premise, and Vivzie has put a lot of work into it!

HOWEVER that does NOT mean that the show is perfect- there is multiple instances in which the animation does something wrong.

Example A.) During Charlie's scene when talking to Vaggie in the news station, she said "the highlighted are the best parts" and vaggie replied "but it's all highlighted!" This isnt the case, as when WE THE AUDIENCE see the note, N O T H I N G is highlighted.

Another thing is, as an animator and artist myself, that more lines = more work. This can make certain scenes feel too expansive. Adding onto that, some characters when outside don't really pop they way they should- a major hint at this is characters like Alastor, Cherri Bomb and Niffty. When you pu then on hell's streets, in a open or expansive shot, they can easily be lost in the background. Characters like Charlie, Vaggie and Angel Dust pop out a lot against the background unlike other characters.

However, these faults do NOT make Hazbin a bad show, and I think a lot of people forget that this show takes place IN HELL. These are not good people- these are murderers, drug lords, rapists, and everything in between! These are BAD PEOPLE doing BAD THINGS. And THATS why they're in hell.

From an animator and artist standpoint, the show can be off kilter in terms of color scheme and line work. HOWEVER, the characters make the show interesting, as does the story, and I can't wait to see more. Did I wish they would have waited for the turf war for another episode? Yes.

Was the entire thing a bit too quick at times? Certainly.

Despite that, I dont dislike the show. I'm HAPPY it got picked up and will be seeing screen time, and I'm HAPPY that Vivziepop's idea is finally taking off onto the big screen.

The show maybe not perfect, but it is still a PILOT, which are used to gain a SEMBLANCE of an idea for the story and how it's going to work long run. But, in the end, I can't wait to see more of this show.

So please dont say that I'm hating on the show, because I'm not; I am allowed to have opinions, and nitpick sometimes, but i cant do better than Vivzie, and I'd like to see some of you try as well.

I don't care what Vivzie does, to be perfectly honest- I will not hate the show for the creator, or the other way around.

That's like saying that if you hate people like Butch Hartman, then you have shows like Danny Phantom, which isnt the case.

I just want everyone to calm the fuck down and enjoy stuff, especially in quarantine. Stop trying to bring people down when we should be bringing people UP!

Our world, in the end, is literally DYING. Can y'all just, I dont know, NOT be spiteful for this amount of time??? Especially on the success of another????

Yes, Hazbin Hotel isnt perfect. Vivziepop isn't perfect either. But in the end, this is FREE entertainment in the long run, and yall should just leave it at that.

For fucks sake.

[patheticwithanem]

2020 in Retrospect

Hey friend,

I know it’s late, but I HAVE TO DO THIS. I kind of promised myself I’m writing about the year that was. I’m not exactly sure why; maybe it’s to put things in perspective going in to 2021? And today’s my fourth year anniversary with my employer, so I guess it’s perfect timing? (More on that later)

So I was going through my notes (I have this habit of writing down what happens on a daily basis - be it activities, emotions, drama, name it) and one thing’s for sure. 2020 SUCKED. It did. But I’m committing to this no matter what!

First things first: lots of profanities along the way. Well actually, I was about halfway writing the letter when fucking Tumblr decided to refresh and delete what I’ve been writing for about one fucking hour now. So I have to fucking do it all over again. If this is the Lord telling me to stop being sentimental about 2020, fret not my Lord! I’m one stubborn son of a bitch, so I’m carrying on.

Here’s how the rest of the year unfolded. 2020. Let’s go.

JANUARY. Reunions?

January 1. Had a get-together with a few relatives in Malabon. It was fun! I used to be so allergic to family reunions but I guess age creeping in changes you? You value people even more now? This was also the last time we’re able to spend some time with my uncle from Singapore. He brought his family to spend the holidays here. He’s a sweetheart and a great father who’s missed.

January 9. I attended a college dormmate’s wedding. I remember contemplating whether to go or not only to realize I’m actually lucky to be even invited given the fact that I chose to be distant for them for a long while. I also told myself that not showing up is so far from what I’m trying to be. Although I wasn’t there for the whole thing, I’m glad I did come. I was able to bond with my roommates once again whom I treated like brothers ten years ago and that was nice. A not-so-close dormmate even introduced me to his boyfriend and that’s huuuuge. The bride was beautiful too, and I’m glad she’s in the best place right now after all she’s been through. She’s a strong one, that girl.

January 11. Got invited to a birthday pool party of a colleague at work. I have to say I’m actually quite surprised I was invited to this. She’s always had my back though and always kind of looked after me, so I had to go. It was fun but I didn’t get drunk AT ALL. 

January 12. AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. The Taal Volcano erupted. It was awful especially for everyone living near the area because everything was covered with ash. It was also a day before my brother’s birthday and we thought the ashfall would be worse the next day so we decided to celebrate earlier. 

January 19. Went to a fiesta. Did not expect to survive that at all. It was a different kind of neighborhood, but the people were nice. 

January 25. Went to a public market with co-workers to buy clothes, eat chicken wings for dinner and then our regular fix of karaoke. Good times. 

Anything else? I was able to book a birthday trip to Yogyakarta, which I eventually canceled because of youknowwhat. Tragic.

February. Blindside!

February 7. Blindside’s a bitch. Yes, that’s what I had written on my notes. I legitimately felt blindsided. So story: I have a friend who I found out was pregnant (let’s call her Ms. Preggy, sorry) and me and her bestfriend (let’s call him Work Son because he was my work son in a lot of ways) decided to hold an intervention for her. The four of us including a friend I’m going to call The-Now-Bestie (kind of a spoiler) whom I had a misunderstanding and was not in speaking terms with will be coming to Work Son’s place. Essentially, the goal was to make Ms. Preggy open up about her pregnancy and her issues with the douchebag father; make her feel that she has us and she doesn’t need to be alone in this. I think it went well, in that regard. However, the whole thing was awkward in epic proportions. It’s as if me and The-Now-Bestie didn’t want to acknowledge each other’s existence, and when we didn’t have a choice, we were sarcastic to each other. I also really felt like an outsider among the four that time; like I wasn’t supposed to be there and wasn’t really contributing to anything. It was a really lonely feeling. I decided to distance myself to them after that.

February 13. WINNERS AT WAR PREMIERE! Words can’t even express how excited I was to see some of my heroes again on screen! Parvati with that “phoenix rising from the ashes” confessional? Damn, girl! Still a fucking legend! It was also nostalgic Yul working his godfather magic once again. I’ve always seen him as a top-tier winner and someone I looked up to for what he represented to the Asian community and the history of Survivor. It was also nice seeing Kim, Tyson, Tony, Sophie, Natalie and Sandra. But I must say I kind of missed Todd. He was my favorite winner and was a great storyteller, a great strategist and a great character with an amazing comeback story. He would’ve been perfect for a season with this caliber of players. And as much as I hate Jeff Probst for shoving him down our throats, I wanted to see Cochran play with these winners! Caramoan’s my first season (a late superfan, yes) and he’s the very reason I got so hooked with the show. I used to think it’s a game where people like me never win. So to see someone like Cochran who’s awkward in every sense of the word (and owning it) win Survivor, it is very inspiring. I like speaking in metaphors and it’s funny how much metaphorical Survivor can be to how I see life now. I see Cochran and if he can win in Survivor, I feel like I can win in life, as silly as that sounds. Cochran sucked his first season, but he then went on to play this dominant game his second try while still managing to be the adorkable underdog that he is. I love that story. Man, I get so worked up when I talk about Survivor! I wish I had that same passion with anything else.

February 19. Mom slipped and had to be rushed to the nearest ER. Good thing there were no fractures and she was fine. I guess we can thank the fats for that? LOL

February 21 ‘til 23. WEEKEND STAYCATION! I needed this! Drinking at the hotel taproom with a live band? YES! Indian for lunch and surf-and-turf buffet for dinner? YES YES YES! That lamb chops, MY LORD. Thank you.

February 29. Leap Day. I started journaling again. 

March. FUCKING COVID.

March 16. The Start of the Lockdown we all come to love now (punk, sarcasm). 

March 17. Politics is so taboo to discuss especially over dinner. But then BAM. I had a major fight with my dad (and by major, I mean MAJOR in a get-out-of-the-house-in-the-middle-of-the-pandemic kind of major). It was basically about a comment he made that’s so misogynistic (towards the Vice President) that I just knew I can’t just let go. It was sooo bad I got all pissed, and when I’m pissed, I can get scary. Maybe it’s the voice or the eyes or both, but the fight got really heated on the verge of getting physical. Which now that I think about it is stupid just because of fucking different political views. Well, I can never get behind the President and they’re huge fans of him and I’ve come to terms with that but it’s just... bleh. I’m not even gonna try to rationalize it because I can’t. It’s just.. disgusting. Oh fucking well. 

April. Wander-fucking-lust.

April 1. I started a 30-day Financial Detox which basically meant no unnecessary expenses. No online shopping, no paying for leisure. None. It was April Fools, but I was dead-set on saving! (Spoiler alert: I failed.)

April 6. Meltdown. I just really couldn’t hold it in anymore.

April 11. Dad’s birthday. After not talking for over a month (which is no easy feat in a tiny condominium unit), we acknowledged each other’s presence. By April 15, it’s like nothing happened anymore. He even gave me a home haircut (which for a beginner, is pretty good). On other news, I started watching The Politician on Netflix and t’was the day I started obsessing on Ben Platt and his music. 

April 16. A year ago, I was enjoying sidewalk pho and almost making friends at Cu Chi Tunnels and the Saigon Skydeck of the Bitexco Financial Tower in Ho Chi Minh. Damn, covid.

April 18. That crazy border-crossing from Saigon to Phnom Penh a year ago. That was fulfilling. Damn, covid.

April 19. A year ago, I was experiencing sunrise at Angkor Wat. Wander-fucking-lust UGH. 

April 30. That Town Hall shoutout from our company’s President because of reaching my quota from last month. That really felt good. As much as I hate to admit it, I like being validated from time to time. It definitely meant a lot especially coming from her who took a chance on me. I was patting my back.

MAY. Endure. Let Go. 

May 14. KING TONY WON. Very well-deserved win. A disappointment of a season if you ask me, but props to the king for dominating an all-winners season. Respect for that. Also Natalie and Michele played great games as well and they should be very proud of themselves. I feel like a proud father to these winners HAHAHA!

May 16. Was pleasantly surprised with Dead to Me. That car scene between Jen and Judy on that ninth episode from the second season? Damn. That’s one of the few moments I teared up because of a TV show. That was powerful. All that tension building up and then that sudden release? I really felt that.

May 26. Why do I always feel all this fucking rage inside of me? I try to think of any triggers but I can’t seem to find one that’s actually reasonable. It’s like the isolation getting the best of me. I initially thought quarantine’s going to be a cakewalk for an introvert like myself, but it wasn’t the case. I feel like I’m losing my shit because I was stripped off of the usual things I have access to whenever I feel uneasy and anxious and angry like this. Endure, let go, I know. But it’s so much easier said than done, right?

JUNE. Breathe.

June 12. So the plan to sell the condo and find a new place is real. We went to this great place in Valenzuela and it was a great house and all but I felt weird. Maybe I was having trouble letting go? Maybe it’s just me being averse to change yet again?

June 15. Slept 6am for that How To Get Away With Murder series finale. That speech. VIOLA. Chills all over my body. 

June 18. New phone was delivered. That was fast.

June 27. First time visiting the village we moved to. We were checking a different house this time and was already picturing us living there. Still felt weird, but maybe less.

Looking at it now, I realize almost nothing happened in this stretch of months. Pathetic.

JULY. Change (that’s not necessarily good lol)

July 3. The Anti-Terrorism Bill signed. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. 

July 10. Doomsday. The ABS-CBN renewal disapproved. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. Also, that first house we checked was bought this day. First heartbreak.

July 22. Decided to donate to one of my elementary teachers to help finance school supplies for his students in the province. That felt good. 

July 24. folklore’s goooood. This is the Taylor Swift sound that I love. (I had to write that down because that was a 2020 highlight to be honest)

AUGUST. Getting older. Again.

August 2. Donated to another cause: to help a really close friend’s mom (who’s a school principal) on financing their students’ lesson modules (they needed more paper so the donation was going to be used to buy more paper). That felt good.

August 3. Started obsessing on Dear Evan Hansen. I mean come on. HOW COME I ONLY KNEW OF THIS NOW?!?! The story, the acting, the soundtrack... it felt like I asked the Lord for a musical for me and he gave this on a silver platter. 

August 9. Lasagna, baked sushi, lechon belly, pansit, cake. Weird combination, I know, but that’s me!

August 11. Discovered the Slowly app. Changed my life since then! I’m not even exaggerating. I guess it has to do with feeling extremely lonely amid the pandemic and getting this platform where you can talk to literally anyone while still keeping your anonymity. And it strips you off of instant gratification you’re so used to because you actually have to wait for your letters to be sent and to arrive. A great exercise for patience if you ask me! And since you have to wait, you make your letters longer and more worthwhile. It’s a platform free of judgment which relies heavily on building actual mental and emotional connections. It’s a gift, truly. NOT EXAGGERATING; YES I’M THAT LONELY.

August 23. The house search continued. This time, the South!

August 24. It was my first time watching a Korean drama and I gotta say I get the hype now. Korea makes great stories and they take their time when telling these stories. The story centering about mental health was definitely what got me to try watching It’s Okay to Not Be Okay, but the show’s so much more than that. That was a great watch.

SEPTEMBER. Finally some light?

September 1. Second year anniversary. I still really miss her.

September 5. My cat’s 5th birthday! Of course we had to celebrate for her with baked macaroni and burnt cheesecake. 

September 11. Lost uncle. He gave a good fight. 

September 19. SENSE8. It’s a show that doesn’t need any explaining. It’s the BEST. I love this cast SO MUCH. I remember thinking if I ever get a tattoo (which is unlikely), I’ll maybe have the title of that Sense8 series finale inked on me. AMOR VINCIT OMNIA. Love conquers all. 

September 27. After a series of unfortunate events, we were led to this house on the same village we keep going back to, and the moment we saw it, we were sold. This is going to be our house. And it happened.

OCTOBER. Surprises?

October 6. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.

October 12. Booked a trip for next year because I’M HOPEFUL AS FUCK.

October 21. Had the best conversation I had in a long time. 

October 22. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t. 

October 28. Organized a digital event for work. I’m still on the fence whether I’m proud of it or not. It was my first event, and I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. While I enjoyed all the preparation that came with it, from making that tactical marketing plan to coordinating with the organizers and my team, I felt like it was bland. There were lapses here and there and I know that we all tried the best we could, but maybe I just pictured it a little better in my mind? It wasn’t a flawless event and maybe I wanted it to be flawless. But it was fun. I never would’ve imagined me hosting an event, but I did. 

NOVEMBER. Decisions.

November 14. So news came and we’re finally moving. The buyer of the condo got approved and it was only a matter of weeks to settle documents and payment and we’re good to go. I had mixed feelings about it. It took me back to that time we started looking for houses. I wasn’t exactly ready to let go of the place I grew with for the past five years. And I wasn’t also ready to let go of the convenience, and the relationships I only have started building with friends I found along the way. But at that moment I knew I had to be happy because they were happy. My family was happy. I knew I have to be happy.

November 21. Started all the packing. Packing meant decluttering and reminiscing, so letting go of more things which was overwhelming at first, but inevitable. 

November 23. I had something checked in the hospital, and something happened and it wasn’t supposed to go that way but it did and it was so fucking bizarre lol

November 28. HAPPY MOVING DAY. It’s that day of the year. Stress was off the charts because of the time constraint and frankly, the lack of preparedness. Good thing a few people helped us with the rest of the packing. It was an impossible task for me and my sister alone so we were glad we got all the help we needed. I did most of the heavy lifting, so I had bruises all over my body for weeks, but after all was said and done, it felt surreal. Felt like everything coming full circle. That first night in the new home? I’ll never forget that. That was special.

December. The end of an era.

December 2. I went back to the condo to stay for a few more days. Get to feel the place one last time. Also lost a huge deal at work to a competitor. I usually really get depressed with these losses, but for some reason I felt indifferent about it. I guess it was my mind telling me I’ve mentally checked out of work already? That maybe it is really time to move on to something that’ll make me care about what I do again? Make me feel again?

December 4. Met someone (who we can call the Professor) I’ve been talking to for a while now. We’ve had some really great conversations leading to this night; talks at 3AM that’s kind of liberating? I was upfront about the moving and that I only have a few days left in the place which is probably why it happened. Professor was also upfront about leaving the country in a few months for an opportunity to work and do research in Japan for five fucking years. It was awkward at first; but we eventually warmed up to each other and spent the night together. 

December 5. Things escalated pretty quickly. The Professor gave me a shower (that was weird but I was feeling it and I thought it was sweet and sexy?). We cuddled until we slept and there was breakfast prepared when I woke up. I don’t usually get to experience this kind of stuff so I really appreciated that. I was feeling it. I thought I can get used to this! I left the place and was invited back again so I stayed over for another night. We’ve had a few more interesting conversations. I was not expecting some of the things we discussed especially the talk about long-distance relationships. The Professor asked me what I think about it and I was honest; I’m not against it but it’s not something I’ll take a chance on if I wasn’t sure about it. Mantra’s always been connection first before commitment. I’m not the “take a leap of faith” kind-of guy; I needed to be sure. Or at the very least be really mentally and emotionally connected with the person. I thought that made perfect sense. I still do.

December 6. So it was finally goodbye. Me and my sister went to the nearest church to donate a few clothes and shoes and to attend a mass. Bid farewell to the Professor too and promised each other to keep in touch. I also had an awkward encounter with my sister’s “friend” who she sneaked in the condo for God knows what for. Pretty sure they did the nasty.

December 13. We went to our old house (the one I spent my younger years in) to get a few stuff for the new house. I only really wanted to get my old bicycle because I want to be biking regularly for the next year. I want to take that fitness journey seriously! So I got the bike and I got to spend some time with some childhood friends. Good stuff.

December 15. A teammate resigned at work. The funny thing is he did it after getting that 13th month bonus HAHAHA! I can’t blame him though after learning about the salary he gets when he’s performing three functions in the team. That’s insane. But it really made me wonder: am I still in this for the long haul? Or do I move on too?

December 17. So I had my work desk and wardrobe delivered. Felt so nice buying things for my room! 

December 19. We got a new dog! Another French Bulldog. He’s pretty sweet. Someone’s not happy! (MY MOM)

December 22. And then this happened. We were supposed to meet after my dentist appointment (which I only used as an excuse to meet and I thought that was obvious) but the Professor never showed up. I waited for FIVE FREAKIN HOURS. I had like clothes with me because we agreed I sleepover but FUCK. Good thing a friend kept me company, but that was horrible. I thought YOU NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. I deserve better.

December 24. We had our house blessed. It was all super spontaneous; we invited a few friends and relatives over and had an intimate gathering. Mom got emotional (AGAIN).

December 27. So Ms. Preggy (from February - oooh that rhymed) had her son baptized. Since she lives a little father from the city, we decided to have a little staycation with some friends there too. The-Now-Bestie and Work Son was there, and we had beer and homecooked food and a slew of great conversations to cap off the year. 

Also December 27. I knew I needed to get something off my chest. And I just had to say it. 

“You’re so unfair. You shouldn’t have done that. Gave me false hopes. Gave me a “3-day trial period” only to disappear without any warning. Made promises you never intended to keep. You could’ve just told me you’re not interested anymore and I would’ve been fine with that but instead, you ghosted me. For the past few weeks since that weekend, it never seemed like you wanted to get to know me better. Or even just keep the communication going. It’s been one-sided and I wonder: has it always been this way? Maybe I’m remembering things differently. I told you I like you and I meant that. I’m still wrapping around my head why and how it happened to be honest. Maybe it’s that weekend? Maybe it’s the conversations leading up to when we first met? I don’t know. But things changed after that and I should ask you for an explanation but it’s really not the point. The point is I thought we can work something out and you hurt me. You may feel like you’re running out of time because of Japan but it’s no excuse to do that to anyone, really. You seem so sure about what you want so I hope you get whatever that is. Merry Christmas. Thanks for the memories.”

That was intense.

December 28. The Professor responded. “I apologize... I am getting attached... I had to “ponder on its implications to me in the long run”... I decided to slow down... It hurts... “That weekend that we met felt like I knew you before”... I am afraid... “You have no idea how hard it is to leave everything behind every 4-5 fucking years not because I wanted it but because I have to”... I still hope to continue whatever we have... “I will always remember you. Please don’t forget about me.”... YADA YADA YADA. 

I know. You know me. I try to empathize as much as possible. But I mean, come on. These are things I already know. It’s not what I needed to hear.

December 31. I needed to say something one last time. There’s already a lot of uncertainties in the world with COVID and life and everything else. I knew I needed answers; I want the binary. I want the black or white for this one. I’m not taking the gray with me next year. So I asked the following questions:

“What do you want from me? Do you want to be friends? Or we stick with occasional catching up on Viber every once in a while (because that’s what it sounds like to me)?”

“What do you want to get from your last two months here? What are you looking for? Just make the most “fun’? Or look for something that will stick?”

“Have you told me anything you really didn’t mean?”

“That one time we talked about long-distance, were you asking me?”

Fast forward to now: I never got the answer I needed. I guess this is one of those rare occasions where no answer is the answer. And after a few weeks of contemplating about it, I am leaving it behind in 2020. 

I’m actually at peace with that.

So there you have it. The suck-fest that is 2020. The first month of the new year wasn’t so bad. I feel this great energy. This year’s going to be different. I did tell you that this letter’s perfect timing. That’s because I’ve resigned and I’m moving on. A friend told me a while ago that he’s proud of me for finally taking action. The 2018 version of myself wouldn’t have done what I did and he was happy for me. I wanted a clean slate and I took it. That I was finally taking ownership of my life. 

I was elated. My friend usually spoils me with compliments and encouragement and my ever reliable negative self-image tend to disagree with him but for the first time in a very long time, it felt right. I’m not usually excited for New Years, but I guess I am?

I say bring it on, 2021.

Until then,

Patheticwithanem