#Realise people may want the image alone

[insomniakingdoom]

[rubra-wav]

how do you think Hazbin Hotel characters would react to a demon with butterfly wings?

The main Hazbin cast x Butterfly demon reader

Part 2 >

A/N: This wasn't really specific with what charas specifically, so I'm just doing the main cast. I'll do a part 2 with more characters, though, if it's wanted (sorry)

Reader's wings are written as colourful and proportionate to their body, so they are pretty big.

Realised there's a 10 image limit per post, which is bs. Isn't how i normally would have liked it to be aesthetically bc of that 👎

Cw: Sfw, slightly suggestive stuff in Angel's, reference to decapitation and cannibalism 💀, kinda a bit angsty in Angel's and Vaggie's, gn! Reader

Charlie

- Charlie would be absolutely delighted by you, no doubt about it.

- She wants nothing more than to be in a place that's vividly colourful and (assuming reader is a somewhat colourful butterfly demon) you'd be that for her.

- She also probably just really really likes butterflies in general though, let's be real.

- I can imagine her just staring at your wings with absolutely starry eyes while complimenting them.

- "They're so pretty ohhh my gosh!"

- I imagine her being lightly jealous, she'd love to have wings like a butterfly.

- Would probably ask if she can touch, and look somewhat sad when told no due to how it would cause your scales to come off. (Assuming reader's wings are the same as normal butterfly wings)

- It may get somewhat uncomfortable if you don't like attention, she would definitely fixate heavily on them. Tell her to stop though and it's making you feel weird and she will tone it down though.

- If not, though, enjoy the attention you're gonna be getting from Charlie over them.

Vaggie

- Vaggie would likely be a bit uncomfortable about seeing demons with wings in general due to her history - let alone you with beautiful, delicate ones.

- I think she'd secretly be hiding some angst and jealously about your wings ngl.

- When she sees Charlie fawning over them though oh boy.

- Yeah she's not gonna be happy about them then. She doesn't blame you or anything for how she's feeling as it's her issue and she knows that, but it still hurts quite a bit - especially in the beginning.

- It gets less and less bad though the more she gets used to it, she kind of just becomes 'meh' about it - especially if you ask Charlie to stop being so gaga about them.

- When she gets her wings back, though, I think she'd come to think they are cool. A normal level appreciation though.

- I can half see you two helping each other out with your wings down the line if you two get closer though.

- There are some things that come with upkeep so wings don't become damaged and stuff, so the people who also have wings? Allies 100%.

Angel

- I'm gonna be fr, the first time your wings come out he's probably gonna be panicked due to his baggage.

- Especially if it happens when you're angry.

- He's probably gonna need reassurance you aren't gonna try hurt him tbh.

- As sad as it is, his trauma would definitely play a part in his initial perception of them.

- After he recovers a bit and stops immediately going into fight or flight and seeing you =/= Val though, the switch up is insane.

- He would be all over you about them.

- I can imagine him calling you a bunch of butterfly related petnames.

- If you remember the 'make those wings flap' comments he made about Husk, its gonna be that on a hundred.

- Even if it's just joking flirting about them, it's gonna be constant because he thinks they are beautiful and it's a lot of material considering you're a butterfly and he's a spider.

- I feel like he would touch them at some point without really thinking and pull his hand back to see your scales have rubbed off onto his hand and go ''oh shit.''

Husk

- I don't think he'd have much of a reaction to it at all - at least not initially.

- Of course he acknowledges that they are very pretty, but he won't comment upon it much at all unlike the others.

- Possibly may make reference to it when crafting bitter statements directed towards you, though.

- Down the line, if you grow closer to him, I can see him as actually being concerned about your wings.

- They are extremely eye-catching and unique for a being in hell, and due to that, it could lead demons to actively target you

- Whether with overt aggressive intentions to take your wings and sell them, or with more covert problems like you being scouted for modelling (ie. By Velvette)

- I can see Vaggie and you trying to set up a wing maintenance group and trying to include him in it. Him being vehemently against it to a level that's almost comedic.

- You eventually convince him even though he's complaining the whole way through it. (He is lying and actually enjoys it).

Pentious

- He wouldn't like them at all in the beginning.

- They're big and bulky and get in the way of everything, including him.

- The amount of times he's accidentally fallen due to 'tripping' on your giant ass wings is greatly irritating and embarrassing to him.

- Possibly thinks you keep trying to kill him by tripping him.

- Could also see his 'hair' (idk how to properly refer to it, haha), accidentally brushing up against your wings with how expressive it is and getting your scales all over him.

- Basically, he doesn't like them because he's clumsy but will take it out on you.

- I also get the vibe he'd be jealous because of how eye-catching they are.

- In his mind, if he had wings like that, then he'd surely have been acknowledged by the Vees in some way.

- If you change your habits with your wings to be conscious of him not being able to walk normally and start getting onto better terms, though, he will likely become appreciative of them and stop being so pissy about them.

- They are very cool looking to him, and once his poor attitude wears off about them, he'll come to admit that.

Alastor

- He'd actually be somewhat weary of you in the beginning.

- It's nature's law that creatures that do not bother to hide themselves are not to be messed with - especially in a place like hell of all places.

- When he sees that you just happen to be particularly colourful, he drops that, though.

- He'd honestly probably be thinking of what it would be like to eat a demon like you after confirming you are, in fact, not poisonous or dangerous at all.

- He doesn't much care all that much for the intrinsic beauty of things as long as they aren't utterly ugly, and as long as they aren't obnoxious and in your face.

- Depending on how bright and vibrant they are and how much attention you bring to them, he may actually dislike them.

- If not, though, he acknowledges they are nice to look at, but again, doesn't really care about them outside of theorising how they would be to eat.

- Would probably make comments about how he could "just eat your wings up," or ask you about how you taste just to try to freak you out.

Niffty

- When she sees them, her eyes grow wide in a mixture of surprise and awe. At the exact same time, an unhinged smirk spreads across her face.

- She then proceeds to leap at you, scissors or whatever sharp object is closest to her raised at your wings.

- She'd be absolutely trying to take a piece out of them for her 'collection' 💀

- You're gonna need medical attention after she's done with you because she's hellbent.

- Her obsessiveness over your wings would vary depending on your gender but either way, she'd be trying to get a piece of them for herself.

- Definitely abnormal level of appreciation of them in the absolute worst way.

- If you can get her to stop instantly trying to cut off parts of them, she's still constantly trying to touch them. You need to complain about your scales every damn time she tries to reach out to touch it without fail.

- it's like your wings are a beacon, and she's the insect gunning for it ironically.

[lokideservesahug]

A Taste Of Victory

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Pairing: Jenson Button x reader (implied), Mark Webber x reader (implied).

Warnings: Jenson is a bit of a dick to reporters, sexism,

Notes: This isn't even the big peice of writing that started all of this but that is coming soon... And the photos may not be aesthetic but they sure as anything are time accurate (even using photos from the specific days). I tried to make sure of it (as well as the dates) to give you good visuals so I hope at least someone appreciates it. Also I tried a new header format. Please tell me your thoughts

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N, the newest 2009 rookie who's also...a woman? The media are desperate to pick her apart and see how well she'll do so let's have a look:

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Y/L/N residence, 7th September 2008

You sit back and sip happily on your coke bottle. Any minute now. Any minute and your phone will be blowing up. Or at least that's what Frank had told you (you still can't get over the fact that THE Frank Williams insists that you call him that, or that you'll be working for him next year). You focus back on the image on your screen,

Lewis Hamilton in his McLaren. Of course a favourite to win this season especially after his incredible performances even from his rookie season. And despite trying to clear your mind of all bias for next year, you can't help but wish that he might win. He seems like a nice guy and it's a better him than some of the others. As Hamilton reaches the ever famous, ever gorgeous Eau Rouge, the image changes, the camera focuses on the white, green and red Honda of Jenson Button. He swerves slightly, performing a certainly showy move especially for just FP2.

Despite the numbers not being as much as Hamilton supporters, some F1 fans are putting their money on Button winning the championship instead. You scoff at the thought alone. Goodness knows Formula 1 doesn't need another cocky playboy as the world champion and goodness knows Jenson Button appears to be exactly that. Gosh why couldn't a more sensible seeming driver win say Mark webber or even Fernando Alonso again. You internally scold yourself, these men will be your co workers in only a matter of months. Just the thought makes you feel a matter of emotions; which you are quickly pulled out of as the commentators voice grows louder. You watch as Fernando Alonso puts in a particularly fast lap and the more you think, you can't help but feel almost a bit...nervous.

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Albert Park paddock, 27th March 2009

You hold your head up high as you enter the paddock. Bright flashes of cameras shine in your peripheral but you try your hardest to just keep your head down and focus on getting to the Williams hospitality. You glance up, taking in the sights surrounding you. The bright Australian sun paints the paddock? that you've been so long awaiting, in such a light, that you finally feel a sense if fulfilment- and you're not even in the car yet.

Too entranced by the sights around you, you fail to notice the person just in front of you. You're met with the sight of a crisp yet untucked shirt. You panick, instantly going to apologise when you meet the eyes of the person you bumped into. "Woah, careful there." Jenson Button. Oh gosh. "Someone needs to slow down." He laughs and you assume his enjoyment is coming from your misfortune. Now you'd never thought you were the type to become speechless but as you're finally met with the first driver on your official Formula 1 debut, you can't help but panick even more, squeak out an apology and speed walk towards Williams.

Gosh, you wanted today to be perfect and here you are crashing into people already. What a clumsy fool you must look like. You groan as you realise what you've done.

Now, like any unfamiliar place, you find that it was pretty easy to get yourself lost, even in place with such an easy concept (curse Melbourne event planners for trying to make too much go on at once and make it confusing). Most people also don't expect to get recognised in an unfamiliar place even if it's where you work (and your hiring was widely broadcast).

"Hey, are you alright?" You turn to look at the Autralian man whose voice, up until now, you'd only heard through a screen. You meet the eyes of Mark Webber and smile shyly. "Hi, sorry to be a bother but do you know how to get to the Williams hospitality." He just gives you a small grin, clearly not seeing your lack of knowledge as incompetence or anything like that "Of course, follow me and welcome to the paddock by the way." And as Mark leads you away, you can't help hut feel glad you'll be seeing more of him (and not just for how polite and kind he is).

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Post race interviews, 29th March 2009

After you step down from the podium, and your team has dispersed (after all congratulating you, some even with tears in their eyes). You walk away to a quieter part of the paddock to gather your thoughts. You go behind the tows of hospitalities only to find Mark Webber hunched over. You aobseve him, he's sporting a serious, disappointed and almost worried looking expression as he looks out into the distance. You walk up to him and place a soft hand on his shoulder in an attempt to gently coax him out of his thoughts and to try and offer some comfort

Without a word, he turns to look at you and his shoulders raise slightly. You give him a small smile and sit down next to him. You both sit next to each other in silence, sharing a comforting moment, silently offering support and understanding to one and other.

The air shifts (and you try to not get to excited at the prospect that your presence alone may have somewhat comforted him). The air shifts, this time it isn't tainted by negative emotions but rather fatigue and acoplmisent on your part. The both of you probably look like a true sight, disheveled, tired and sweaty, however there's a warmth between you both as you share a brief moment of tranquility amongst the chaos.

Someone calls your name and the moment is broken. You nod to Mark who gives you a small smile back and a short "Well done for today." As you smile at him and walk off to go to interviews.

You pass some fans, signing their Williams caps and exchanging excited "Well done!" And "Thank you." Pleasantries. You revel in the post win glow. It's one thing to win in your rookie season, but to win your first race? Now that's just unheard of. You hurriedly sit down in the assigned seat for you and wait for the other few straglers to arrive. You look down, placing your hands on your lap in an attempt to thwart the nerves threatening to bubble.

Brawn driver, Rubens Barrichello is the second to arrive followed not long after by Jenson Button. Rubens gives you an easy smile and yet another congratulations. You feel incredibly fortunate to have you welcomed so quickly and easily by him over the past few days of testing. You return his smile with one of your own and a small wave.

When Jenson finally sits down, an FiA representative gives the 3 of you a short introduction and then begins. Quite a few people had warned you before you entered this room that many people would want to speak to you, but you didn't expect such an onslaught.

A short, bald man stands up and adresses you. "So Miss Y/L/N, you just managed to win your debut race, which is an incredible feat but how much of it do you think is down to the car." You try not to take offence to the question, it was a pretty basic question afterall (even if it was worded a bit harshly.) You let out a small laugh. "I think it's a joint effort really. The car was looking really good this weekend but I also have a history of running fairly well at this track." The reporter nods his head and continues. "So do you think this victory will encourage other women to become involved in F1?" You nod excitedly at him. "Oh I hope so. I hope it's encouragement to all women out there that weren't sure if they could." The reported thanks you and sits down.

A few more reporters ask questions. 90% of which are adressesdfor you and a few others adresses to the men beside you (mainly to Rubens and Jenson about Braen and its last minute establishment).

This time, a slightly more lean, dark haired reporter speaks up, once again directing his questions towards you. "Y/N, how did your fellow drivers perceive your and your entrance into F1?" You nearly furrow your brows at the biazzre question (Well it's possibly bizzare that it's adressed to you). "I uh don't know. Why don't you ask them." You gesture to the drivers either side of you as the reporter repeats his question to the other pilots. "Gentlemen, your thoughts on the newest addition to the paddock?" Rubens gives you an encouraging pat on the shoulder mid sentence "She's obviously fast and I think she's managed to impress us all." The reporter nods to Jenson; and despite your belief that he's he's too cocky for his own good, you can't help but feel a bit excited and a bit anxious to hear his repsonse. "Her lap times were phenomenal during the race." You smile at his words, maybe he wasn't as bad as you thought. However, he continues "I think my only criticism I have of her is that she seems to smile less than Kimi." The reporter smirks as you lower your eyeline slighty. "Yeah and she's much easier on the eyes than Kimi." The room erupts into low laughs as you feel shame and embarrassment pool in your gut.

The reporters continue to ask a few questions that you don't pay too much attention to as you nearly get complety lost in your thoughts. One asks Jenson if he thinks you have the potential for the championship. He laughs as he awnsers "There's no denying that she's fast. But she's in a Williams, she's not going to win the championship." You bite your tongue at Jenson's words and what you think is a jab at you (not realising the true intention if insulting his old team).

Yet another reporter asks you a familiar question along the lines if how exactly you think you managed to win. Fed up being in a room with a bunch of old men, trying to pick you apart and insult you with the same few questions just worded differently, your resolve finally snaps.

"Well not that anyone is caring to ask, but I've done this track a million times over. I've practised again and again and again to get my performance perfect yet no one is congratulating me on how well I went around that track. Brawn were amazing today and I'm sure they will be in the future as well but please dont let that take away from what I've done today." You shuffle back in your chair slightly, feeling a bit uncomfortable under the stares but stay strong, unbreaking (and not noticing the stare of admiration coming from the British driver to your left and never knowing the love filled look of another Australian pilot, watching on a screen not far away).

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Top Gear Studio, May 2009

You listen anxiously as Jeremy Clarkson introduces you. Yes, Jeremy Clarkson. As he shouts your name, the camera pans to you and you walk forward, shaking Jeremy's hand and sitting down in the green, faux leather sofa.

"Now obviously I want to ask the obvious..." He speaks over the crowd's quietening bustle and you expect the next question to be one you've hears bwfore. About your gender, you- "What on Earth have you done to that Williams to make it so good?" You laugh, the familiar humour of the Top Gear host you've only ever seen on a screen putting you at ease.

"Well I don't know but maybe its because I'm far more polite to the car than other drivers." Jeremy smiles at your words and invites you into light conversation about you finally being viewed as a serious title contender. The two of you continue until you hit more general off-track talk "So, how much do you train and have you managed to find enough time to see your friends and family. Because some people have such an odd view on things like that." You let out a dramatic sigh. "Gosh they're making me train so much. More than just once a day and there are so many regimes that I can't keep track of anymore. But family wise, well I spend far less time with them than I do do training, I can tell you that much." The audience laughs which encourages you to continue. "I see my friends and family in-between weekends when I can and sometimes they'll even come to races. But gosh. I feel awful saying this." Jeremy leans forward slightly "No, go on..." Your smile becomes a bit embarrassed as your cheeks warm. "Well even on free weekends, with how crowded the paddock can be, I'll come home and just want to be alone." Jetemy shakes his head. "Well that makes sense. But you're in a very crowded space all weekend, does that mean that you've you've asked out by a lot of guys throughout the season so far?" Your eyes widen widen the insinuation. At your lack of instant response, Jeremy clarifies, "Come on! Gorgeous girl such as yourself in such a male dominated sport, I bet loads of men and probably even some drivers too have asked you out." You quickly deny the claims and the two of you move on to your lap times in their old car but you don't miss the way your mind flashed with the image of a certain dark haired Red Bull driver as Jeremy asked his previous question.

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

>To be aired 28 June<

You huff out a low sigh. If you overthink today anymore, you think you might be sick. Your phone pings. You know you shouldn't have it on you but it has helped to keep you entertained as you wait. You look down and see a text from Mark. His text, wishing you good luck makes you smile and you shoot him a small thanks and silence your phone as you hear footsteps behind you.

"Are you ready?" You turn you head and nod to your future teammate as Michael Schumacher steps forward. "Question is, are you old man?" Your words make him smile and your nerves ease slightly. "I don't think I can ever be ready for something like this. But the more important thing is you." He places a caring hand on your shoulder.

If you told your child self, or heck even yourself a year ago that you're friends and future teammates with 7-time world Champion Michael Schumacher, you think you'd have laughed at yourself until tears streamed down your face. But in recent months and more specifically recent weeks, the two of you have been getting much closer. Michael offering you advice, you offering great support on current drivers habits firsthand as a warning for next season. And you even met Michael's family a month or so ago; them nearly adopting you into their clan.

A woman with headset approaches you both and taps you on the shoulder, "A minute to go." She gives you a small thumbs up and walks away, mumbling into her headset. You give her an uncertain nod as Michael pats your shoulder again. "Go out and show them what you've got kid and I'll see you out there." You give him a nervous smile and as you hear a distant shout of your name, you pull yourself together and pull your face into an excited expression, ready for the reaction to your announcement and overjoyed to have a front row seat to people's reactions to your teammate.

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

You sit alone in a booth of a bustling club. Loud music nearly deafening but you'd take it any day over the continuous commentary you heard at track. You don't know how many time you can hear "It looks like the title fight is over. Y/L/N's engine is overheating and she's slowing down. It looks like Jenson Button may be champion." Without feeling sick especially when it's directly followed by your voice on the team radio, voice cracking during an apology as your mechanics tell me to back off to cool the engine.

You think of the image of Jenson's Brawn overtaking you and pulling futher into the distance; the sight of not one but two Red Bulls overtaking to fight a battle that should be yours. A voice cuts through your thoughts. You look up, meeting the eyes of the person speaking. "Are you alright?" You're surprised that Jenson came to speak to you, especially after his victory. Gosh in your vulnerable state, you even think that he might not be too bad. How silly of you. You give him a gentle nod (clearly not enough to convince him). He gestures towards the seat next to you "Is it alright if I sit here?" You nod, not Trusting your voice in this moment. "Well-" "You w-" You finally crack a smile as you speak at the same moment. He gestures to you "Sorry, you go." You smile at him. "Well done Jenson you gave a great drive this season." You expect him to smirk, to revel in your compliments but instead he just gives you a soft smile and a shake of his head. "Don't be silly. That championship would be yours if Williams ever learnt how to build cars properly. But thank you." You look down at his words, all of your emotions finally coming to the forefront. "Hey, you look like you need to be cheered up. You don't need to feel like this going into next season..." He passes and his brows furrow. You look up at Jenson who is now standing and for the first time all year, allow yourself to admire him. The way that his still slightly hair drops as some strands stick to his forehead. "You-" He furrows his brows again and then laughs freely. "Oh yeah, you're taking my job. Well Miss Y/L/N, he grabs your hand and pulls you up from your seat, Elliciting a small noise from you. "Then we need to dance to celebrate and to cheer you up." You just shake your head and follow him, finally smiling as you follow his foolish adrenaline (and probably slightly alcohol-fueled) giggly nature; placing down your phone and missing the texts.

Mark Webber: Hey Well done on today and I'm sorry what happened. Hoping to speak to you at some point later...

M.S: Hey Hase, well done on today, you drove so well I hope you know that. Corinna and I wanted to invite you to our...

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Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.

As always, likes, reblogs and especially feedback is always welcome!

Taglist: @nikfigueiredo @mysoulispainted @leclercings @d3kstar @hiireadstuff @a-beaverhausen @nichmeddar @lozzamez3 @stinkyjax @marymustdie @littlesatanicassholebitch @mehrmonga @insanedeathwish @ems-alexandra @a-disturbing-self-reflection @cherry-piee @thatgirlmj

[twptwp]

Please share

Hello, I contemplated it a lot, I decided it would be best. I will be sharing this beware on a rather big artist here who hurt me personally.

I will write more at the end. Please take care. Warning: the post is very big

Pestkitty is also known as Nopperabou if I remember the name correctly on other platforms such as Artfight and Youtube

*It should be noted this is very blatant lying on that guys part, I was keeping to myself for this entire time and harassed nobody, on the contrary his friends had been harassing me. I regret not writing that more clearly

I don't think I mentioned it in the original post images but I would also like to note at the time I was not an adult yet and it was my first time going on a plane... 11 hour flight completely alone is scary, no family, nobody in my family has ever travelled so far. It was a very big deal

END OF IMAGES

Description from original post on Instagram (it's a lot so I'll make it small):

HI HI PAWB! Lots and lots of people wanted me to put this together, please do share, even if you do not know the people it would be great help. The more people who know the more people who can stay safe. This post is a little overdue but I was gaslit by them into thinking these were not big issues and that I was the one being strange so it took a while for me to gain the stability to put this together, I ended up downplaying my feelings a lot and it wasn't untill somewhat recent when I realised I may be developing a new disorder from their abuse that oh... I was not wrong for my concerns and feelings; these people really are harmful. I do not condone harassment so please do not go messaging these people. Block, share, and move on. Stay safe. That is my internet mission for you🚀

I make this post because they are rather gross and dangerous and have considerably big audiences, people have told me their opinions that they should not have the platforms that they have because their behaviours are dangerous. There is more things they've done that I have not included because I would like some of my own privacy even after my private information was leaked in a comic haha... I've displayed enough behaviour from them to show who they are and what they do though, so this is enough!

This is quite intimidating for me, so, I will be going offline off of this account for a few days and just let this post simmer... Not for too long because I have some awesome art cooking HEHE but YA! If there are questions in the comments my friends will answer for me! Though, I think I've been rather transparent so I don't think there would be any.

I will also be providing more proof in my story, specifically proof that slide 10 IS that guy because quite frankly anybody could be "Instagram user" and they have fabricated stuff against me in the past so I think it would be good to prove it is that account.

Okay bla bla that is all, apologies this is such a scary and serious post especially as I like to keep my account a friendly nice place but ahhh it really has been burning at me. So, thank you for reading so very much. Bye bye pawb!

End of description^

That was a lot! So here is why I'm sharing it to Tumblr:

☆Awareness! NOBODY should have to risk getting close to these people. NOBODY.

☆Better circulation! My Instagram post got over 3000 likes, lots of shares, 100s of comment and many saves so it did very well however after a while things leave the light and become something "of the past". I notice this does not happen so much on Tumblr and things continue to be shared

☆This still effects me. The original Beware is from 3 months ago however I am currently doing this because I was restless from lastnight nightmare (I had a nightmare about these people) and now I'm all nauseous and shaky again! It's 3am and I was panicking a lot so I put this together, I'm yet to rest

And finally....

☆TAGS

I notice that if an image in a tag becomes popular enough it shows up on things like Google! Isn't that cwl! So, if a fan of these people searches for them on the internet the beware could show up which may deter them from the artist. This is great, which is why I also need your help in making this popular!

Thank you sincerely for your time, it is greatly appreciated. I feel calmer now that I have made this post, I regret not making it earlier but it is better now than never. Nos da ac breuddwydion melys pawb♡

[gazeofseer]

What's Wrong ? If it doesn't feel right.

┗━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━┛

'Being sad cannot be a problem, but not being able to feel happy again could be, it's okay to have pain it adds up to you as life lived well then restrained but still something, beyond sadness beyond the idea of hurt or harm lies a subtle thought that keeps one awake, alone and anxious even in the room full of your favourite crowd, come sit down and listen to yourself '

Image.1

Overthinking, Dreams, Leader, Sacrifices

┗━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━┛

Signs (; Something ruined your day, something you had to think about more then a day, someone left you at the half edge of talk or thought, there is a problem but it cannot be pointed, so it is taking a toll on your mind.

'I see you are trying to remain calm, cooking under stress very well enough to not let anything take entertainment out of you, but it is bothering you somewhat at the end of the day, especially you miss a good sleep, firstly running of coffee feels good but sometimes you look at the cup and wonder about that same thing, is it about an opinion? That you almost heard from two to three people and it is condensed around your head as a confirmation but you are not able to accept it?' I can see so'

You have sacrificed something last year around six months back, and related to that it has been came as a recall a bitter one, so it is making you think again about your decisions and stuff.

You are overthinking because you may be prone to said as made wrong decisions always, but you stand your core of truth knowing it was the only way you had or maybe you could see, you are okay with a wrong way being the way the least as you were not served options but now you are so some people try to make you feel guilty and want you to put up with the same setting so you end up doing the same, it is a pattern and now you see it too.

Image.2

Distant, Unique, Innocent, Love

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Signs : Suddenly you realised it is not the same for me, fate issues where you have faith but not when it comes to yourself, being in connections beyond ships, always feeling more but not emotional, distant, a wall between you and the world.

'You feel crying? But you are not able to because you know it is not as deep as you feel but still thinks you have struck your presence and left in the mid ways, be it people I even see some opportunities, it is like someone playing you and you withdraw and that showed many people's intent towards you it wasn't bad but again it wasn't too good to start causing an effort I think you are really unique, blessed and looked after by the universe where your innocence is always safe and I feel you fight for that too but what makes you feel wronged most of the time is when someone, says to change that or to see it as a fix, or see it as a problem and to stand under greys if you cannot be extreme or too numb is why you might even felt days passing on without any interactions I see your isolation as a choice and it feels healthy even if it is boring and sometimes makes you feel sad but you know it is what could be best for you'

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Grateful, Happy, Worried, Tensed

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Signs : You have seen life at it's worst, being alone being broke in every possible way, being walking on thin ices and fire bruises you have seen salts of life that tasting sugar makes you worried of being poisoned, betrayed, or just another pain that awaits.

'You are not overthinking you are grateful by actions but whenever you talk you do dodge your past into some sarcasm and make it like you made through it and unlike a boast it shows how painful things have been for you, even your friends might roll eyes on this, I can understand constant sorrow can make you see the world as offence that you have to defend yourself at all the way even in place and with people who are not the same, I see you do have formed new connections and people are quite warna dn welcoming around you, the golden color, delightful evenings, but you just fake smile and pretend to be happy while being worried that one day this will betray you too, every happiness served will turn sour, but Trust me dear it is not going to be the same, it is just you need slowly accept this change and allow yourself to attain it slowly stand in your reality then in your head, instead of fake smiles, actually sit and let that smile take place on its own even if it is overwhelming and gratitude let it come and let it embrace you'.

Note with Love 💌 : I hope this really makes you remind, if either of readings have not resonated know that life is not definite seeing it as a word or thought, opinion or even for day would be so unfair so take time, your time is your life itself take it in as much as you take it out.

[mysadcorner]

Hello. I like your writing! Do you have any headcannons of how the female reader does feel vulnerable and depressed when she thinks can't do more for Jason? And that maybe she's not good enough to be with him, because she's an ordinary girl without any outstanding superpowers and damn good looks.

Of course, if you want to use this idea. Thank you in advance.

Jason Todd x Civilian!Reader Headcanons

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-Credit to the images owners - Please be specific about characters wanted in headcanons and read the request rules -

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It would be a tough situation when the two of you first get to know each other because you can clearly see that Jason is trying his best to keep certain things from you. Of course, due to him being a vigilante not being something that crosses your mind when you first meet you could think he’s keeping another relationship from you or just not being honest for whatever other reason you could imagine.

Before he’s actually honest with you and tells you about what he’s doing late at night or some of the shady conversations he seems to be having with the other people he knows (who he rarely lets you meet) his secretive nature would probably be something that upsets you a lot. It would most likely create distance in the relationship and could even push you away completely until he decides to be honest to you and feels like it’s safe for him to do so.

Being unable to join him when he’s on patrol or not knowing where he is or what he’s up to will leave you worrying about him a lot of the time. Which will also leave to quite a few upsetting conversations about your concerns for him. He wouldn’t give it up though, and through the stress it’s something you’d just have to tolerate before your mind eventually isn’t as stressed about his nightly activities.

Once he does introduce you to other vigilantes, his family, and every other kind of person he knows, there will still be a lot of things kept from you. He wouldn’t let you know what he’s up to completely or where he’s going to deal with specific criminals or villains. And occasionally he’ll stop conversations abruptly whenever he hears you enter the room just to keep details from you.

Jason’s out from all hours of the night a lot of the time, so wanting to go to bed together or have a cozy night in becomes an expectation of the past very quickly once you realise his routine. He tries to stay in with you for longer, but it doesn’t last long, so nights alone can get a bit lonely when he’s out until the early hours of the morning.

Obviously Jason get’s himself into danger very often, so for him it’s not surprising that he gets the occasional injury. This could be quite frightening when you first see the state he’s in, but after a while you’ll get used to seeing the bruises all over him and when his injuries are so severe he may not even come home (choosing to be patched up somewhere else so you don’t see the extent of his condition).

Jason doesn’t want you to feel inferior and will try his best to reassure you about being exactly what he wants and needs, but when you meet people like Kori or Artemis it’s a hard idea to believe. It leaves you questioning whether you’re enough for him, which you absolutely are, but when he’s surrounded by people with exceptional abilities it will leave you doubting and questioning the relationship altogether.

[demonicbaby666]

Birthday Expectations

One shot | Once Upon a Time Masterlist | Masterlists

Fandom: Once Upon a Time

Pairing: Regina Mills x fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Words: 3k+

Summary: Just some birthday fluff, reader doesn’t like to do much for their birthday but when Mary Margret throws her a surprise party, she starts to realise just how badly she wants one thing, to leave. 

A/n: Not proof read well cause it's me so I apologise for the mistakes <3

Walking into Granny’s you knew what awaited you. Whilst Mary Margret may have been known for not being able to keep a secret, she certainly kept this one quiet. It was the gathering of cars and less than subtle shuffles that came from inside that gave it away, there was no doubt about it, a horde of people were waiting inside to ambush you with birthday wishes. 

The bell chimed and there was barely a second between the jingle running through the room and the off key singing that came from what looked like the whole of Storybrooke. The smiles that were stretched across everyone’s faces brought a warmth to your chest and you desperately wanted to enjoy this moment, but tears were welling up in your eyes and you hadn’t had the heart to tell the pixie haired brunette next to you it was from a sad longing to just be alone. 

The truth was you weren’t a fan of your birthday, it seemed to only bring disappointment and it was just safer keeping your heart under lock and key, never expecting anything, and certainly not expecting a whole town to gather to celebrate with you. Getting your hopes up only meant one thing, you were going to get hurt. So, you told yourself to enjoy this small moment for what it was, temporary. 

Heels clicked in the distance and when you looked to the opposite side of the room, eyes darting past a sea of strangers, there she was. Candlelight illuminated her olive skin, fire dancing in her chocolate eyes as she concentrated on holding your birthday cake whilst Emma barged through the crowd making a path for Regina to gracefully sashay through. 

“Happy birthday!” Emma exclaimed through a wide smile, offering a small hug, and quickly moving out of the way; revealing the breath-taking sight of Regina in a tight fitted red dress. 

Chanel perfume and vanilla icing permeated the air around you, suddenly no one else mattered. Suddenly, it was just you and her. A smirk appeared on her lips, looking down to the cake then back at you, she quirked an eyebrow. 

“I think this is where you make a wish.” Emma said, lightly nudging you with her elbow. 

Jumping back into your body you realised the singing had come to a halt and you were gawking at Regina, drool practically making its way down your chin with a full audience. 

“Oh, ummm, right.” You stumbled. Leaning forward, trying not to stare at the full display of cleavage directly at eye level, you closed your eyes picturing where you wanted to be and blew out your candles, sending a wave of cheers across the swarm. Painted in your mind were the stars above you and the solidity of the ground colliding with you back, the true image of peace and solitude, that was your wish. 

Almost an hour had passed, and it wasn’t surprising to see everyone had dispersed into small groups, talking amongst themselves, laughs and chatter filled the small diner, though somehow, you’d managed to end up alone.

Looking out to the barren street, the clatter of dishes and voices faded into background noise. No one had forced you into the little booth or put you on a time out, you couldn’t be mad. So why was there an all-consuming battle taking place within you? Some distant longing begging for someone to notice your absence. 

It was an odd feeling you hadn’t experienced in a while, feeling alone whilst being surrounded by people. It was safe to say, the feeling hadn’t been missed, creeping up on you and consuming all the self-dependent thoughts you’d spent years working on. Everything in you wanted to run, use the fact no one was looking your way to your benefit. The brush of skin against your hand erased all thoughts of a quick exit, especially now that you were wedged between the window and- perfume, spiced apples, and a faint whiff of hairspray- Regina. 

Her fingertips tenderly brushed against your hand for mere seconds, but by fair or by foul, they left behind a tingling sensation that somehow craned its way into your bloodstream, sending sparks flying through your whole body. 

“I can hear the cogs you know.” 

Finally finding the courage to look away from the window, you turned to Regina. With the room lit far more sufficiently than when you’d last been so close, you could see her fully. Breath-taking. That’s what she was. A thin layer of foundation, straightened silky hair, lined lips coated in blood red to match her dress and just above them, that scar. Night after night that scar seemed to haunt you, the feeling of running your lips along it, kissing the perfect imperfection. 

“What?” you finally choked out, still half dazed, and helplessly trying to ignore the twitch in your fingers that so desperately wanted to reach out, to familiarise themselves with the indented portion of skin you were trying to pry your eyes away from. 

“In your head,” she quirked, a soft smile gracing her plump lips accompanied by a light shoulder bump, “What are you thinking about, sitting here by yourself?” 

Stringing a simple sentence together had never felt this hard, “I, I was just, ummmm.” Great start. You could tell her the truth, though that would require digging into your mind and actually thinking about why exactly you were sitting by yourself. A lie then. “I just needed to rest my feet.” 

A perfectly sculpted eyebrow moved skyward by only a centimetre. “I can see how one would miss all the other free booths and randomly find themselves sitting at the only one that’s deserted,” she turned her head, scanning the room, “closest to the door.” 

There wasn't much else to do other than avert your eyes to your hands and awkwardly shuffle in your seat. The rug was pulled from straight under you, leaving you free falling in mid-air whilst someone in the distance kept singing about a whole new world; one you’d yet to discover. In fairness, Regina was right, of all the booths that had free seats you’d managed to conveniently pick the one that was farthest away from the happy crowds and with the easiest exit strategy. 

“Crazier things have happened.” You mumbled, keeping your head hung low. 

An amused huff came from beside you, a breath of warm air brushed against your cheek, sending another myriad of sparks flying through your body. It was as though you had no control of yourself when your eyes darted to Regina, and not a morsel of regret was found when you saw the gentleness in her eyes and the comforting velvet smile adorning her painted lips. 

“That they have. But you still haven’t truthfully answered the question.”

Guess there was no escaping this one, lying clearly wasn’t an option. “It’s easy to feel invisible with a whole town cramped into one small space, so I just let it happen. I know Mary spent a lot of time on things and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that this isn’t really what I do, parties, crowds, the whole shebang. It’s better to keep things low key and quiet because,” because there’s no chance of getting hurt, you wanted to say it, god, you wanted to just let it all out, but the words sounded too pitiful, too small and weak, “It’s just easier that way.”

Her eyes glazed over, like she was a world away, lost in a distant memory, “because there’s no chance of being disappointed or forgotten when it’s just you?” 

“I-” 

There was no time to tell her she’d hit the nail right on the head, purple smoke engulfed the two of you, rendering you all but blind in a haze of smog. With your vision obscured your senses were suddenly heightened, earthy smells filled your nostrils, the sharp smell of grass accompanied with soft, delicate, welcoming floral scents filled your nose. The smoke slowly cleared, revealing an open field with nothing but the night sky above you, the moon illuminating and bouncing off a vast array of coloured petals. 

“Regina?” 

Before you could wrap your head around what was happening Regina knelt on what looked to be a tartan blanket, slowly easing herself down with - as always - the grace and composure of a queen. She arched her neck to look up at you, tilting her head ever so slightly, beckoning you to join her.

The moonlight shone down on her perfectly, her eyes glistened in the meek presence of lunar light, stars danced in chestnut irises, mapping out a linear path to dilated pupils that remained focussed on one thing only, you. How someone could be both intimidating and downright adorable was completely and utterly confounding.

Slowly she reached a hand out; not knowing exactly how long you’d been stood getting lost in her eyes, you slid your hand into hers, attempting to ignore the butterflies that were flittering low in your stomach. Regina laid back, letting her head peak over the edge of the blanket, whisps of brown cascaded over shards of green. Thoughts of running your finger through her hair filled your mind, letting them disappear, just as the grass did, into thick brunette locks to graze gently over her scalp. 

Following in suit you discovered the ground to be uneven and slightly bumpy, mud piles prodding at your back. After shuffling a little you found an agreeable position, the fingers that remained interlaced between your own seemed distraction enough from the cold earth that bit down on your thin clothing.

When you stole a glance at Regina her eyes were shut, chest rising and falling at a steady pace, maybe a little faster than normal, but then again, you had not often found yourself assessing the rate of someone’s breathing. Her face muscles were relaxed, it was like her cold mayoral exterior had melted, swept away by the cold evening breeze, and left behind was only her, only Regina. 

How anyone could look at her and not see beneath the facade bewildered you, it was plain as day, she was good, she is good, pure, caring and kind. Everyone in town had a past, things they wished to forget, and the more time you spent with her, the more you saw she was the same, just another tortured soul scathed by a harrowing past, though townsfolk readily liked to forget that. Day in day out she battled inner demons, inner personas that demanded to be set free, and she did it without so much as batting an eyelid. 

“I notice when you’re not there.” Her eyes were still closed whilst yours doubled in size, if it wasn’t said with such sureness, you would have missed it completely being too lost in thought. The butterflies in your stomach that lay dormant were woken, weaving between them a rope that was being endlessly knotted time and time again, her words echoing in your ears. 

“I- That’s-,” taking a crisp gulp of air in, you let the cold fill your lungs, still your beating heart. Then set to releasing the warmed breath of air back out, watching the small cloud of condensation float away into the night, and hopefully with it, the inability to form a sentence, “How do you always know what to say? And how on earth did you know I wanted to come here?” 

“I can read minds.”

“I’m being serious Mills.”

“So am I.” 

Turning her head to look at you, a wide smile broke out across her face, her cheeks protruded out and a full set of pearly whites revealed themselves before the both of you burst out laughing. If one sound could feel like home, it was that laugh, low, hearty and raspy as the symphony passed through her lips, rumbling in her chest. The weight of the world that pulled you down was suddenly alleviated, gravity ceased to exist, the laughter pumping you with helium until you were floating on cloud nine. 

Laugher echoed through the field, fading into comfortable silence. Distant longing eyes looked into one another, peeling back layer after layer of armour you both hadn’t known the true weight of. Smile lines faded and a serious expression washed over Regina’s face, she shifted her back off the ground, her knees brushing against the side of your thigh as she settled down to lay on her side, never for a second unclasping her hand from yours. 

“I know what it’s like. To be alone I mean.” a soft sigh left her parted lips, her eyes were darting across your face like it was the first and last time she’d ever get to have you this close. You gave her hand a gentle squeeze, and when her eyes finally re-emerged from their endeavours, offered up a sweet smile, encouraging her to continue.

And she did, “My whole life I've been on this mission for revenge, and it was a lonely one at that. Then I found Henry and, well, you know the story. But no matter how much the band heroes said I was one of them, I found myself alone amongst a crowd of people, and I knew, circumstances be damned, I could always slip away, and it would go unnoticed. I’ll never really be one of them.”

“Fucking birthdays.” You huffed. 

“I don’t even think anyone knows or remembers my birthday, other than Henry.” she chuckled out. “I think I prefer it that way, like I said, there’s no chance of being disappointed or forgotten when it’s just you.” 

Mimicking her position, you turned onto your side. Regina’s eyes were a sea of unshed tears, almost instinctively you reached out to brush a stray hair off her face, letting your fingers linger over delicate skin for a few seconds longer than necessary. Fingertips grazed over the back of your hand, guiding you back to the powdery skin of Regina’s cheek, which you gladly took into the palm of your hand, and she humbly leaned into. 

“Regina, you're the first person I look for when I enter a room.” you half whispered over the sound of your heart pounding in your chest, but you forced yourself to continue, “I feel like you’re the only person that sees me sometimes, and tonight, poofing me away, you may not be a hero to them, and without meaning to sound too corny, you’re my hero.” 

Her cheeks flushed under your touch and her eyes shimmered, taking a rushed breath in, you kept going, “There hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t craved to turn a corner and be greeted by that pragmatic smile you wear so proudly, every time I hear a pair of heels, I can't help but hope they’re from those ridiculously expensive stilettos you wear. I search for you everywhere; I can’t help it. You are everything Regina Mills and the fact you can’t see that amazes me.”

Eyes flickered to your lips and the world stopped, pipeline dreams filled the intimate bubble surrounding the two of you, tender hearts caught wind of each other and beat in rhythm with one another. Blood rushed through your veins, moving so fast you could feel the molten fire coursing through capillaries and burning a direct path to your cheeks, that were now tinted with a rogue hue.

Your hand abandoned its post, moving to the back of Regina’s neck and weaving small circles in damp hair. In turn Regina’s hand found a new home on the small of your waist, setting fireworks ablaze in surrounding area. Your bodies drew closer until there was only a slither of space between you, and you lay still for what seemed like hours, peering into tear-stained eyes. 

“I haven’t felt like this in a long time.” you muttered, the words falling from your mouth directly into Regina’s, cavorting through her until she realised, they resonated deep within her too. 

“I know.” her lips trembled before quirking up into a smile. 

In the milky light she looks so young, untouched by the cruelty of the world, her smile was youthful, and you’d never seen her look more innocent then she did at that very moment. There was no weight between the two of you and for the first time you felt like someone truly saw you and accepted you as you were, and you saw them. 

Leaning a fraction closer till your lips lightly brushed against Regina’s, you closed your eyes and breathed out, “1st February.”

Her whole body froze, “What?” she whispered.

“Your birthday, it’s the 1st of February.” 

Doubt filtered through your mind and for a split second you felt the world crash and burn before you. The contents of your stomach began to churn. Had you pushed too far too soon? Did you say too much? Overstepped? 

Run. That was the only option, then hide out in a desolate cabin forever and never show your face in town again. Yes, that was a good plan, a very good plan. Never have expectations, because that way there’d be no chance of being disappointed, those were the rules, and you knew them all too well. You were too busy silently kicking yourself for getting your hopes up that you missed all the emotions that were plaguing Regina’s face. 

Backing away and fumbling over your words, you tried to choke out an apology, but the hand on your waist glided up to your back and pushed your body flush against her. All panic was washed away when plump lips ghosted over your quivering pout and wet tears brushed against your cheek. 

“Don’t apologise.” she cooed. 

It was Regina who closed the miniscule space between your lips, tentatively kissing you, delicately using her thumb to caress the back of your hand. The kiss continued, filled with more passion and desire. There under the stars you both lost and found pieces of yourself, held within the slow kiss was an exchange of vulnerability, shedding away responsibilities, memories, and the mere idea that you were ever going to be alone again. 

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[quitealotofsodapop]

What Wukong hadn't anticipated... was the way PIF and Ao Yi would both turn on him. Because if those two are besties, it'll be hard for Wukong to keep the fact he's pregnant a secret from the Demon Bull Family. Ao Yi knows and likes to talk about Ao Li and how he had protected Wukong throughout the journey, something DBK can respect her ancestor for. What Ao Yi neglected to mention is that the current pregnancy is the same egg, so they misunderstand and think MK is the Egg in question until Wukong sets them straight that MK is adopted/psuedo created in his image from Nuwa.

At the time it comes out, nobody knows exactly how close it was or dangerous the current pregnancy is to Wukong, who hadn't felt the need to tell anyone because he has plenty of support on all sides and hadn't been completely isolated on Slow Boiled.

prev.

Oh yes, the two royal ladies are a deadly team when it comes to making Wukong (and later Macaque) explain the truth to them.

Ao Yi mentions the "Stone Egg" in passing to PIF, and immediately notices the woman's face drop with horror. It doesn't take a genius to realise that PIF (and by extension her husband) never knew.

Wukong gets ambushed by the two royals during tea time. An intervention called to order.

PIF: "Wukong, we know that you're hiding your pregnancy from me and Bull." Wukong, nervous: "What!? Me? Pfff! Nah!" Ao Yi, curtly: "Please do not lie Mr Qi, my great-grandfather burned to keep you and your child safe. You could at least explain to Tieshan just how long you've been carrying your child for." Wukong, realising that he's trapped: "I... ever since I exited my prison on Five Elements Mountain." PIF, hand covering her mouth: "Buddha's grace... and you put yourself in danger to help my baby..." Ao Yi: "Why didn't you warn Tieshan or Bull before the ritual?" Wukong, frowning: "We needed people strong enough to tame the fire... I'm as strong as they can get, and I didn't want to disappoint you guys." PIF: "That can't just be it. You went into that circle knowing that you or your child could have lost your lives. Why?" Wukong, eyes wet: "I... I thought I could have done some good to our family since we had just lost..." (*goes quiet*) PIF, shares a look with Ao Yi: "Macaque's death was a tragic loss. But he should have known better than to try to harm you or your master. Not to mention, knowing what we know now, he certainly shouldn't have attacked a pregnant-" Wukong, crying: "He didn't know!" PIF & Ao Yi: (*teacups rattle from surprise*) PIF: "Excuse me?" Ao Yi: "He didn't know?" Wukong, tears running: "If he did, he didn't acknowledge it! We had been fighting, and he was deaf to all I shouted at him, and his cudgel just came so close to..." (*trails off, hands resting protectively over stomach*) Ao Yi: "No one blames you for acting in self-defence, Wukong." PIF: "If anything we applaud your instincts. Mother demons have shredded entire armies apart for far less threats." Wukong: "But he... I just never got the chance to tell him. If he had known, maybe we could have calmed things down and I wouldn't have been alone for so long..." Ao Yi, placing hand on Wukong's shoulder: "The past has passed. You need not be along anymore." (*Wukong and the ladies share a sappy hug*)

The ex-celestial and dragon become Wukong's adoptive sisters in a way. They are extremely protective and doting of him, even before Wukong worked up the strength to tell DBK (note; still happened on New Years XD) and the others. They make sure to check that he's been eating well and how well he's been managing MK. Wukong appreciates the help, its been a long time since he's been so doted upon outside his Stalwart siblings. Its cute, if not terrifying to see the short monkey demon flanked by the two queen-like women, their teeth bared to anyone who may give their little brother a rough time.

[waffles-art-writing]

Times Where Your Mind Takes Over - Task Force 141 x Fem!Reader (Kinda Head Cannons)

Summary: It has barely been a few months since you were able to leave the medical wing, the psychical wounds healing and scarring, mental… not so much. All the times your mind has taken the wheel and makes you crumble beneath its grasp, how all the boys of the 141 help you through your pain.

(Thank you @boogieman-23 & @tomhardy41 for your comments! And the inspo! Sorry if it’s not what you had in mind, I hope you don’t mind the tag!)

(Part 2 to JOKER) Sorry this took so long to get out.

Proofread: Nope, couldn’t be bothered.

Pairing: 141!Platonic x Fem!Reader

WordCount: around 4.5K

Age Rating: PG13

Codename: JOKER

KEY: Y/N - Your Name, L/N - Last Name.

Warning/Info: PTSD, Anxiety, mentions of torture, conscious of self image, weapons, injury, Normal COD stuff, PTSD Nightmares.

May turn this into a proper series! Comment if you are interested in that :)

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Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley

It’s been almost five weeks since you got out of the medical wing, you stayed in your room a lot more than before the mission and being caught. You locked yourself up in your room for the first week, only leaving to shower and get food. The weeks following you attended some of the training, always having a balaclava or a black medical mask on. You hid from prying eyes of other people, avoiding areas with a lot of other soldiers. If you had to go into an area with ten or more people you would beg one of the boys to come with you, most commonly if it was Soap who joined you. Or you would just avoid it and wait. But now at week five you have gained the courage to mill around the base by yourself more often, keeping your face covered always.

Ignoring the lingering gazes of people, or the quiet conversations you hear around you. You're gaining back your courage, your old out going self is slowly coming back, until you were left alone in the gunnery with a new recruit.

You worked quietly at a table off to the side of the room cleaning your new sniper rifle, thanks to Price, he was able to get your rifle back to you in somewhat good condition after it was abandoned back where your life got turned upside down. The sound of fabric on metal, the satisfying clicks of parts going together, it’s calming. That is until someone walks into the room, you feel their eyes burning holes in your back, your movements falter when you hear them walk up behind you.

The feeling of dread rushing through you as you think fast, your mind not connecting the dots of this is a gunner on base, people come and go. But with it being late in the evening, you thought you would be by yourself. Your body moves before your mind can protest.

You whip around, your fist clenched around the handle of the small pocket knife you had on the table, your blade mere inches from the poor recruits throat. You stare him down, your eyes dark, fear is driving you, nothing but bone chilling fear courses through you. Your arm drops, the realisation hitting you in the face like a sack of bricks. You mumble out a quick apology as you throw everything hap-hazardly into the rifle case, not caring as you zip it up. You dart out the room, not running, not sprinting, just hauling ass at a quick walking pace. The dim halls lighting your way out into the compound, leading into the mess hall that is connected to the barracks - the place you desperately want to be - attempting to avoid as many people as possible.

You speed walk down the corridor, weaving in and out of other soldiers, your rifle case clutched in your hand.

The pounding of your heart thumps in your ears, blood rushing, mind racing, not a single thought about what’s in front of you. The only thing that is racing through your mind is the heart stopping feeling of someone behind you, the eyes of a predator biting into you. You’re practically shaking as you walk towards the doors of the barracks your team resides in. You fumble with a keycard that's in your pocket, your hands shaking as you swipe it through the slot. “Come one” you mumble as you try again, the red light buzzing again. The small screen lighting up presents a ‘Cannot Read Card’. You try again, and again, the same declined buzz sounding out.

You growl out in frustration as you wipe the card on your shirt, hot tears blur your vision, your throat tight like you cannot breathe. Suddenly everything seems to disappear, the tight throat, the fear of the man that caused you harm coming back to get you.

The feeling of safety envelopes you when a gloved hand wraps around yours, you jump out of your skin at first. You look up to see your Lieutenant, his eyes cold as ever but there's the hint of worry dancing in them. “Easy love…” he mumbles, keeping his voice low to not startle you more. He sees you shaking, he watched you struggle with the Key card a few times before he decided to come help you. “Breathe, focus, you're safe” his voice is calm, you nod as you let his hand guide yours through the process of swiping the card. The light turns green and the sound of the door unlocking rings in your ears.

You push forward, Ghost not too far behind, he managed to take your rifle case from you without being caught. You don't even make it to your room before you collapse to your knees in the corridor. Quiet sobs fill the room, Ghost’s quiet footsteps barely audible as he approaches you carefully, knowing how you feel. He’s experienced his own form of torture, paranoia, fear and the feeling of something or someone coming back to continue to pummel you with their hellbent rage. He doesn’t speak, doesn’t touch you, just stands next to you quietly. Allowing you to drain your emotions without fear of someone coming in, seeing you weak and vulnerable

You walk into the corridor, you fall to your knees, finally you’re somewhere that no one can see you. At least no one outside the 141 that is. Ghost stands next to you, not talking, not touching. He’s not good with words, he himself just bottles everything up and shoves it deep inside with Simon Riley to be able to become the infamous Ghost.

You stand on shaky legs, a few sniffles coming out as you brush the dirt off your knees. Ghost places his hand on the small of your back, quietly telling you he’s there if you need him, his actions are more than you could ask for.

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish

You finally got convinced by Soap to spar with him, finally getting you out og the cocoon of a blanket burrito he found you in. You were moping around the small common room that’s in the barracks you share witht he 141, everyone could tell that something put you off, resetting your progress of coming back to your normal self. Ghost knows, no one else does, the silent Lieutenant kept your break down hour between you and him. He hasn’t even told Price, your captain.

The sparring was going well, your confidence in hand to hand combat still there. You discarded the black medical mask not too long ago, finding it easier to breathe without it while inside. You’ve managed to pin Soap to the mat, a confident smirk on your face, a glimpse into the real you. “Fuck- I thought you would’ve gotten worse without training for as long as you did.” The Scotsman huffs out, sweat dripping down his brow, his smile not leaving his face, happy you’re coming out of your shell again. You step away from him to let him get up, you wipe your face with your shirt, ignoring the twinge in your side from a punch he landed on you.

The sound of the metal hinges chime out, your body freezes, mind going into overdrive as your eyes widen. Your mask is on the other side of the room by your bag and Soap’s. “Lass, look at me” he's quick to draw your attention away from the new presence in the room, his hands come to rest on your shoulders, making you look at him. “Joker, look at me, not at the mirror, not the people behind you. Me, got that?” His voice is low, almost commanding compared to his normal cheerful and playful tone he most commonly uses.

You nod, your breathing picking up in pace as you glance at yourself in the wall mirror of the gym, the scars that adorn your face stick out like a sore thumb. Soap uses his thumb to guide your face back to his, brows furrowed slightly as he makes you look at him.

Why are they in here, what are they doing here? Are they here to judge you? Stare at your scars? Tease you? Bully you? Make fun of you? Here to push you against the wall and poke at you, cause you more pain, point out all the damage that has been thrust upon you without your permission. Make you feel even worse about yourself than you already do, make you want to lock yourself in your room and wallow in self hatred. “Lass, look at me.

“Johnny- I can’t… I can’t do this…” You mumble, leaning into him, hiding your face in his chest, your fingers curl around a dark blue shirt he is wearing. “Okay, okay, just hold onto me doll I’ll get you out of here. You just gotta focus on me okay?” He looks down at you, you nod your head. Soap cautiously leads you out of the room, the rowdy group of people too caught up in their conversation to notice you two slipping out the door. Soap scoops you up in his arms, your arms wrapped around his neck, holding onto him like your life depends on it.

Your heart beat is in your ears, the rushing feeling to your head makes you feel nauseous, bile rises up into your throat. “I’m gonna be sick” You mumble, biting your tongue to try to keep it under control. Soap mumbles out an ‘okay’ luckily you’re mere metres from the bathroom, he kicks open the door, hoping no one is in there going about their business while he hauls his team mate that is about to be sick into one of the stalls.

Burning fills your throat as you cough out your breakfast into the toilet, your hands gripping the edge of the porcelain bowl. The smell makes you feel even worse than before, your body quivers, energy plummeting with your adrenaline from the fear. Soaps large hands rub your back gently, while his other hands back your hair, trying to soothe you. You groan as your stomach twists into more knots, sweat running down your face mixing with tears. “You’re okay Lass…” Soap’s low timbre sounds out from behind you.

You sit back onto your heels, attempting to bring your breathing under control. Soap passes you some toilet paper before flushing the toilet, you wipe your mouth while thanking Soap for everything he has done for you. “Thank you Johnny… for everything.” Soap chuckles lightly while shaking his head, he gently pulls you closer, he can still see you quivering from the fear you can feel. “Nonsense Lass, it's the least I can do.” You huff in annoyance as you snuggle into him, his arms wrapping out you tightly.

It’s peaceful being wrapped up in his arms, despite what just happened and where you are. You can hear his heartbeat, it's even and soothing in your ear. Your breathing evening out, falling in sync with Soap’s. You eventually fall asleep, despite being on the fall in the bathroom. Soap smiles slightly, a huff of air leaving him like a chuckle. His arms loop under your legs and back, lifting you off the ground.

Soap passes a few people in the corridor, ignoring their stares, thankful you naturally hid your face into his shoulder. He bumps into Gaz on the way to your room, thankful he's there to open the barrack doors. “Thanks mate” Gaz shrugs, as he follows you two into the corridor. “Is she okay?” He asks, wondering why Soap is carrying their teammate. “She should be now, got crowded in the gym.” Soap states as Gaz opens the door to your room, he stays by the door watching as Soap tucks you into your bed.

“I’ll go get her some water” the younger man states, walking off. Soap brushes the hair out of your face, fingers dancing over the scars on your face. He pulls your desk chair up next to your bed, leaning his elbows on your bed. “You’re safe Lass, we’re all here, I’m here.” He mumbles as he leans on his arms, rubbing small circles on your hand with his thumb.

Kyle ‘Gaz’ Garrick

You stare into the mirror, eyes locked onto the pale pinkish skin that now adorns your cheeks.

The sinister smile staring back at you, the memory of the blade, the dark gaze, the sinister smirk.

Your hands clutch the sink basin, knuckles white as your breathing becomes shallow and quick.

Tears slip from your eyes, falling down your cheeks and into the white porcelain sink.

That’s when you see him, the same smirk that chills you to your core. Makes your stomach churn like a stormy sea, your eyes widen in fear, your throat constricting as you see the bloody blade come to hover in front of you. The crimson red dripping from the steel, the same red that drips from your cheeks, the pain. Searing pain, blinding white hot pain. You attempt to scream, nothing comes out, your voice nonexistent, useless. You flinch away when no the blade trails along your lips, suddenly seeing your wrists and ankles bound to the chair.

The same man leans in close, his breath fanning over your face, the psychotic look in his eyes sending shivers down your spine. “No, No no no no” you whisper out, your body shaking as tears blur your vision. “No! Go away! You’re dead! I killed you! Leave me alone!” You scream out, tugging against the rope.

A fist connects with the wooden door, banging on it, door handle jiggling. “Lass! Open up!” Soap calls out, his voice scratchy from being woken from your screams, he's just in sweatpants. “JOKER! Wake up!” He steps back, when Ghost comes running down the corridor, Price and Gaz following. “What the bloody hell is going on Johnny?!” Ghost barks out, his eyes dark, the normal black paint around his eyes missing, just a plain black balaclava adorns his face. “She’s having a nightmare! She’s screamin’ bloody murder!” Soap replies as he turns to the team, his face painted with worry. “The door is locked and she’s not waking up” his fists clench when he hears you call out for them, begging for whatever hellish dream your mind is laying out for you.

Ghost stands in front of the door, his large frame casting a harsh shadow on the wood. He backs up, stepping forward again, kicking at the weak point of the door.

The sound of wood splintering fills the room, light floods into the darkness of your room. Your blankets kicked to the floor, pillow hanging off the edge, your own body squirming. “Leave me alone!” You scream, you’re still asleep.

Tears stream down your cheeks, you can hear the faint sound of your name being called. It’s familiar, but desperate, almost begging. You whip your head around to try find the source, your mind racing as you hear the all too familiar nickname. “Lass, wake up!” Soap! It’s Johnny, he’s here, but where? You hear another voice, its firm, commanding, the timbre of the man’s voice comforting.

“Kid, Love, you gotta wake up” Ghost… What are they doing here, but where are they, you need them. “Ghost- Soap? Please! Help!” You whimper out, a choked sob escaping you. A you feel warmth, sudden warmth on your shoulders, hands, rough hands. Familiar hold, it’s Ghost… and Soap. They are here, you can’t see them. “Open your eyes Lass, nothings gonna hurt you.”

You wake with a jolt, your hands clutching at Ghost’s arms, your breathing quick as you sit bolt upright. That’s when it hits you, the constricting feeling of crying, blurry vision. You see Ghost first, then Soap. You shake in Ghost’s hold, terrified to move, to speak, to even blink as you stare wide eyed at the two men. Gaz and Price are by the door, giving you three as much room as possible. Not wanting to overwhelm you. That’s when you lock eyes with your friend, a pained sob falls from you as you reach out to the one of the youngest on the team, Gaz. Ghost has moved to the side, Soap stays seated on the ground by your bed as Gaz walks over.

His sibling-like nature comforts you more than you would care to admit. He moves slowly when he approaches, sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes full of concern as he watches you shake in your spot. You make small grabby-hands to him, he chuckles lightly as he moves closer, knowing you just need the comfort. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, your face coming to hide in his neck, quiet sobs can be heard from you as Gaz rub’s your back. He knows the pain of having nightmares so vividly they leave you shaken, not wanting to sleep ever again, hell, they all do.

After some time, your sobs turn to sniffles. Ghost ended up sitting at your desk, Soap behind you, keeping a hand on your shoulder, rubbing small shapes there. Price disappeared for a little while, coming back with extra blankets as pillows. “I have an idea” He states as he stands in the doorway, knowing you love movie nights with the team even though he somewhat finds them annoying. Soap jumps from his seat, happy for sudden movie night in the middle of the night. Gaz chuckles, looking down at you, seeing you smile a little.

He scoops you up, carrying you to the couch in the common area of the 141 Barracks. He settles down, you comfortably snuggled up next to him. Soap cramps himself on the other side of you, dragging Ghost with him. Price takes his spot in an armchair next to the couch, remote to the tv in hand as he flicks on your favourite movie.

Gaz keeps you close throughout the movie, quietly talking to you to keep your mind occupied when the movie goes quiet. You eventually fall back asleep in his arms, his thumb rubbing small circles on your back. Soap leaning on you, one the verge of sleep himself, Price is still awake - albeit barely - while Ghost has his head back, small snores leaving him. There’s a small smile on your face, knowing you're safe and surrounded by the ones that are your teammates, friends, family.

Captain John Price

Gaz, Ghost and Soap are off base. It’s the weekend, they decided to go explore the local area the team is currently situated in, they are here to meet with another task force in a few days. You’ve decided to stay in the safe house, taking stock of what there is and if you need to ask Price to help with getting things.

You are standing in the kitchen, food laid out on the kitchen island, not a lot is there, maybe a night or two dinner’s worth, very little for breakfast and not a lot of energy packed things. Whoever was here last didn’t bother with emptying out the cupboards and fridge of perishables. You’ve gagged multiple times, having to dump the trash bag outside as quickly as possible when it started to stink out the safe house. Price walked into the room to find you holding your shirt over your nose, holding the trash bag as far from you as possible. He chuckles when he watches you come back inside, sighing with relief. “So what do ya got Joker?” He asks, walking up next to, placing a hand on your shoulder.

You groan, leaning on the bench, your notepad in front of you. “Not a lot sir, barely two dinners, not a lot of breakfast food along with nothing full of energy or nutrition. So basically nothing…” you rub the back of your neck as you turn to Price, who is smirking at you. “Ain’t surprised, so we're gonna go shopping or what kid?” You shrug, looking at the food in front of you. “It looks like it.”

You’re standing in front of the grocery store, staring at the large glass sliding doors, it’s like a large daunting tower to you. Your staring at the building like a little kid staring at the school building on their first day, anxious, scared of who’s going to be in there, what’s going to happen. Are people going to see what’s under your medical mask? See the scars? see what happened to you? Make you feel even worse about yourself than you already do, stare at you like you’re some freak.

A hand is placed on your shoulder, Price is stomping out his cigarette on the ground. “You can wait in the car if you want, kid.” He states as he watches your hands clenched into fists repeatedly, he knows what you're thinking he can practically see the thoughts playing like a movie in your eyes. “Joker?” You lock eyes with him, you let out a breath you didn't even realise you're holding. “I want to do this… Just stay with me? Please?” You ask, you think you sound pathetic, you know you do, you can hear it in your voice. “Of course, I’ve got your six.” Price states, his hand falling from our shoulder to motion towards the doors. “When you’re ready” you nod, making your way to the doors.

So far it's been reasonably quiet, the occasional customer here and there, they haven’t even given you a second glance. Other than the kids, who would be staring at you and Price. You keep telling yourself that kids will be kids, they stare at anything and everything. Price has kept next to you, slightly behind you the whole time, occasionally placing his hand on your shoulder or your back to make sure you know he’s there. However when it comes to the checkout, there's a man in front of you, his stature similar to the devil you see at night, or behind you in the mirror.

His hair is the same. Your breathing quickens, back straightening, muscles tensing. Price stepped away to grab a bottle of something, he said he will be back in a second. The isle he disappeared into only a few metres away, you turn around to try to find him. But your eyes lock onto someone who’s not Price, a woman, she's looking at you with a small smile. You nod your head in return and turn back, staring at your boots. “Are you okay?” The man in front of you asks, he happened to turn around to see you look from the woman to your boots. You flinch when you hear him, your blood turning to ice. You nod again, not looking up at him, not trusting your voice.

The next thing you know is the basket being taken from your hands, the smell of cigars and leather mixed with something like sandalwood, maybe some gunpowder? “She’s okay, thanks mate, just doesn’t like public places too much” its Price, John, your safety blanket. Price stands between you and man, keeping you close to his side as he unloads the basket onto the checkout conveyor belt. You keep your head down, hands in your pockets to fiddle with loose thread that's in there. The young girl behind the counter asks you for your ID, you look a lot younger than John. He got a bottle of bourbon, so in turn you’re asked for ID.

“She’s old enough, I’m paying anyway.” John states, he is already pulling his wallet out. “I’m sorry but I still need to see her ID, I just don’t want to get growled at by my boss, I’m sorry.” John nods his head, understanding why. You fumble with your wallet, trying to pull the driver licence out. You can hear kids talking to their parents, asking why you need to show your ID, other people are talking about things. Your mind twisting them into why are you taking so long? Why do you wear a mask? Why are you so nervous? It feels like it's been ten minutes of you trying to get your ID.

In reality it's been barely a minute, you finally hand over your ID, she looks from the ID to your face. “Okay cool, sorry for the trouble.” John pays and you’re quick to grab the paper bag and walk out.

You get inside the car, slamming the door behind you. John gets into the driver's side, looking over at you hugging the grocery bag to your chest. You’re staring ahead but not actually looking at anything, just aimlessly staring. Your mind racing, eyes wide, brows furrowed, your mask still secured to your face. “Look at me, Joker.” He calmly states, his tone soft to not startle you, his hand is placed on top of your own on the paper bag. “Kid… It’s me Price, John, you know me. Look at me sweetheart.” He tries to gain your attention, slowly bringing you back into the present.

You slowly look towards Price, fear is evident in your eyes. He gently cups your face in his hands, bringing your foreheads together. It’s something he does with you to ground you, you picked it up from him and ended up doing it with everyone else too. Except for Ghost, he doesn’t like being touched, you have done it one or twice, but that was pure luck. Soap loves it, Gaz adores it, Price does it to keep your attention away from your intrusive thoughts. “Focus on me Joker, you're safe, you’re with me.” You focus on his voice as your eyes flutter closed, your hands gripping the paper bag of groceries tighter. “You can get through this, you're strong, you’re one the best.” his grip on your jaw is grounding, it's firm but not tight.

You open your eyes again, your thoughts slowing down, your breathing back to normal as you look at price. “That’s my girl.” He states with a smirk, pulling away, ruffling your hair slightly like a young child. “Th… Thanks Price.” You mumble, wiping the loose tears from your eyes as you settle down in your seat. “No need to thank me kid, my door is always open if you need me. You know that, right?” He raises a brow as he looks at you, turning the key in the ignition. “Right.” You nod, a small smile playing on your lips as you watch Price pull out of the parking lot, driving towards the Safehouse.

You’re beyond thankful for this help, support from all of them. All of them taking their time with helping you with your trauma, anxiety, and the stomach churning nightmares.

[adorastarot]

A message from BTS for you - Mini reading

Hii everyone and welcome to my second PAC reading! Today we are asking for a message from BTS for you <3 I hope that this PAC reading will help you understand the present better and help move towards the future that you want to manifest!

How to choose a pile: Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Ask the universe if there is a message that you need to hear right now. You may either hear a number or be drawn to a pack once you open your eyes! If the message doesn't resonate then it may not be for you.

♡ Want a personal reading? Check out my Ko-fi

Pile 1

2 of cups, king of wands, the hanged man, knight of wands, 7 of pentacles

Jin & Namjoon are stepping up for this message, the colours are red, orange and yellow. The energy feels very vibrant but calm?! They’re not excited per se, they just want to be present today and help light a fire in you. 

“Slow down when it comes to romance, not every frog will turn into a prince charming (not everyone can be as handsome as me *wink* - Jin) You may be trying too hard right now to find your other half, might be giving chance after chance to people who aren’t worthy of you. You have to take a break, otherwise, you will end up sacrificing the most important things to you - love, integrity, passion and stability in exchange for the desire that lasts a couple of days. Time is not running out, people sometimes are not what you expect them to be. You will find your soulmate one day, but you have to be ok with your own journey first. Do you love yourself? Even just a bit, even if it’s just some days.  What kind of life are you creating? You have put so much work into this - not sit back and enjoy the things that you have achieved. For some of you - what’s the worst that can happen if you stop looking for love? What if you never get married, but find the love of your life tomorrow? Would you be ok with this?

Pile 2

The devil, 8 of swords, knight of cups, 4 of swords, 9 of pentacles

Jimin and Hoseok are coming forward for this one and Yoongi wants to be present but is choosing to stay in the background. The energy of this reading is a bit more…closed off. Associated colours are black, dark blue, royal blue, deep grey.

“The only thing stopping you right now is yourself. You are stopping yourself from achieving greatness but do you even realise you are doing it? Why are you scared? I have your back, we are all here for you so just give it a try. What’s the worst that can happen? You may need to work on attachment and codependent relationships in your life. It’s time to choose heart over wisdom. Be free?! Free yourself of everything that is holding you down. Be careful with those around you - your support group. The people around you can either build you up or knock you down so please make sure that you0 have people around you that deserve to have you around. Even if at times you feel alone, I am here.” You know that video of Jimin saying something like - there is someone here in the city of Seoul who understands you? That’s the image that is coming through, that is what Jimin is wearing and the way he is sat during this message. “Sleep, make sure you sleep better and take the time to relax, enjoy life a little bit more”

Pile 3

Death, knight of pentacles, 2 of swords, 5 of cups, queen of wands

Ok so Taehuyng wants to take this one by himself ahaha his energy right now is very…beige ahahaha that’s the energy of this reading, very pastel-y colours, pastel yellow, pastel blue, pastel purple. He is sat down ready to talk with his face leaning on one hand.

“This is different, right? Did you expect something like this? Oh the amount of change you have been going through this year. You are like a phoenix rising from the ashes. You can’t remember the person that you were in 2022 can you? That’s ok. Take it slowly, baby steps, one step at a time. Let the sadness in your heart become the art of life, let it become your inspiration as you move forward and discover your true self. Be sad, cry if you have to, but at times remember to cry out of happiness too! Try to have those moments of so much happiness that you can’t help but let it all out.  You are a force to be reckoned with. Take your time and feel every single emotion as the clock won’t go back and you won’t be able to experience the same thing twice.

Sending all the love your way <3

[bullet-prooflove]

No. 24 She's mean and she's mine for Fbi most wanted Remy. TIA

Companion piece to Sober (NSFW) - Remy realises you have issues with soberiety.

You don’t hide your addiction from Remy. You talk about it openly with him. He knows that you got hooked undercover, that you used coke and booze to cope. You’d been in a spiral for a couple of years before Jubal had forced you to confront the problem. By the time you’d met him you’d been sober for three years.

“I was a mean drunk Remy.” You’d told him as you made tea in his kitchen. “I burned through all my friends, my family. It took me a long time to make amends.”

He knows how isolated you’d become, how you’d pushed people away in the throes of your addiction. It made it easier to reconcile the drinking. He had kissed away the shame that crept up your cheeks, whispered the sweetest reassurances against your skin as he held you close.

“You’re bigger than your addiction.” He had reminded you. “You aren’t the same person you were back then.”

It’s true, Remy believes that with every single fibre of his being. The job you do, it may be high pressure but you know your triggers, you manage it well. Which is why he’s surprised when your brother sends him a 911 text to discuss his concerns about you.

“She’s drinking again.” Henry informs him as he sits across from Remy at the coffeeshop a few doors down from 26 Fed. “I saw her in a club a couple of days ago, she had a glass in her hand and she was with another guy. I’m sorry Remy but this is what it was like last time…”

Remy holds his hand up to silence the other man as he struggles to process the information. He admits he’s been busy over the past few weeks, Wyoming, Richmond, Bethesda but when he has been home he’s been attentive. He would know if something was going on with you. As for another man being on the scene, he doesn’t understand when you would even have the time, let alone the inclination. Remy’s pretty confident in his ability to keep you satisfied.

“What did he look like?” He asks Henry and the other man withdraws his phone from his jacket pocket.

“I took a picture.” He says before pushing the device towards Remy. “In case you needed proof.”

It’s a image of you and a man he knows well. You’re standing alongside each other at a bar. His hand is on your lower back, almost protectively. There’s a glass in your hand, a cocktail with a cherry sticking out of it. You’re wearing a cobalt blue dress, one that clings to your form. It’s that dress that makes everything click into place for Remy, that makes him take another at the glass in your hand.

“She’s not drinking again.” He says quietly before he zooms in on the glass and tilts the phone back towards Henry. “It’s a Shirley Temple, a non-alcoholic cocktail, it’s grenadine and ginger ale. It’s what she drinks when she’s on UC ops so that she blends in and that guy she’s with? His name is Omar Zidan, he’s her partner.”

Remy remembers that night well because he’d barely been able to keep his hands off you when you’d stepped out of the bedroom wearing dress. You’d been interrupted by OA’s arrival, the younger man had joked about having Cinderella back by midnight. When you’d slinked in at one am, you’d been sober as a judge and ready for a little play. He’d made love with you in the bed you shared until the sun came up.

“You don’t have to worry about her.” He reassures Henry. “Your sister, she’s solid.”

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[m3r1m4r5u333]

(Jjsheh. This is perhaps my most unhinged essay yet, brace yourselves. I know it's not very coherent, I sound like I'm tripping, rambling about ancient Egyptian deities and all. I'm not the only one to have talked of rebirth though so hopefully I'm not alone in this mental collapse.)

I'm a wreck. It's just such BLATANT BUDDIE SUBTEXT to air THESE SCENES in the same episode!!!!

First, Eddie finding out Buck went on a date with a man and his stunned

"Omg I need to reconstruct my entire worldview. But I'm not weirded out!! I'm an ALLY!!"-deer in the headlights reaction to that!!

Finding out that both Buck and Tommy are into men will be such a curveball for Eddie, hitting him directly in the solar plexus, leaving him gasping.

The images that will start sprouting in his mind...

And the way that suddenly they're BOTH stumbling in this gigantic maze of confusion and questioning, looking at each other anew...

realising they need to reconstruct their entire worldviews because all of a sudden... They've been shattered.

The way that Buck looks at Eddie...?

The mirrored MASKS that both of these lines are!!

Starting to realise their worlds are in ashes.

Then rebirth.

Phoenix rising!!!

It's that treasure hunt riddle again.I've tried to figure it out and the way I read it, I think it's about feelings realization.

The "Narrow place" in the riddle sounds like an obvious arrow to Egypt. That's what the hebrew people called it or something, due to the divisional geography/the stories about them being enslaved there. Something like that.

And of course the river's edge in the riddle would then be The Nile. Denial.

And that heron? The ancient egyptian version of a Phoenix, Bennu. The deity of sun, creation, rebirth.

And what's a secret treasure by denial's edge? It's love. A secret treasure. Precious, yet something you want to hide. Hidden. Buried.

And the bullfrog is a reference to a line in a song, I think. "Jeremiah was a bullfrog".

Originally the line was supposed to be "Jeremiah was a prophet". The assistant in the episode, who was asked to hide the treasure... is called Jeremiah.

Jeremiah, the prophet, according to the Bible apparently traveled to Egypt himself.

But in the treasure hunt episode he steals the treasure and takes off to Maledives - an island without river's, btw!! No DeNial there!

Also... Another link to Egypt/Denial is the bullfrog croaking good measure.

"Ancient Egyptians used weights, like this small frog, to help calculate the value of goods. One Ancient Egyptian unit of measurement was the qedet, equivalent to about nine grams. "

"The Ancient Egyptians linked frogs to fertility and rebirth, likely because of the animal’s prolific reproduction.

These ties to abundance may have made frogs a suitable form for objects used to determine value."

Secret treasure, frogs, measurement, value, herons, narrow place = Egypt, the river's edge... (& My loss of sanity) Lots of links.

So let's see.

I walked along the river's Denial's edge

To hide my secret treasure love

The heron phoenix soared (= I burned, I was reborn.)

The gray bridge roared I saw you. (Because the bridge would be a reference to the "I see you!!" scene with Lola and Norman on that bridge, I think?)

And

"Isn't that what we all want in a partner, to be seen?"

I stopped beneath the willow tree

In the narrow place

And saw a light beam fall upon my treasured place hidden love

The light beam... It think it's truth? Realization, rebirth...

Btw, in the Bible Jeremiah writes about willow trees with much passion. It symbolizes hope, will grow by the river even in times of draught. So trust the Lord (the showmakers).

Also, this recent data of Marisol being nunlike?? What's "Nun" in relation to the Egypt theme?

Nun was represented as a frog or a frog-headed man (as a member of the Ogdoad) but could also be depicted as a bearded man with blue or green skin (reflecting his link with the river Nile and fertility).

In the latter form he can look fairly similar to Hapi (LOL), the god of the Nile, and often appears either standing on a solar boat or rising from the waters holding a palm frond (a symbol of long life), Occasionally, he appears as a hermaphrodite with pronounced breasts.

Nu ("Watery One") or Nun ("The Inert One") (Ancient Egyptian: nnw Nānaw; Coptic: Ⲛⲟⲩⲛ Noun), in ancient Egyptian religion, is the personification of the primordial watery abyss which existed at the time of creation and from which the creator sun god Ra arose.[1]

So let's watch the sun, rising from the denial!

[mabelskins]

How to: Accessibility [EN]

Part 01 - Visual design

It’s been a while since my last how to and felt like putting something together! First of all, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! To everyone out there! Being in the queer community, i know the struggles we go through everyday and am wishing a very proud month to all of us <3

Moving on to the actual topic here: accessibility. It’s been shown here and there when discussing coding and skinning but WHAT DOES IT ACTUALLY MEAN! 

Let’s go back a bit. For years people have been trying to achieve the impossible: an universal design. A design that is universal and usable for ALL people a one-size-fits-all design that will be usable and perfect for everyone. Now, there’s only one ‘little’ problem with this: people are different. I’ve always been overweight and whenever I’ve seen clothes that say ‘one size fit all’, I look at it very suspiciously. Bottom line is: every person is different, pain points and needs will also be different. 

So what do we do? One different design for every person who is using our product? 

Well, let’s make it equitable, let’s provide flexibility to cater for a broader audience, and let this audience choose what’s best for them. But! That’s doesn't take the responsibility from us, the designers (and coders) to make sure that we are making what we can to enable this flexibility. 

------------- I've started a list which I then realised would be way bigger than expected, so decided to make each item into its own post. We'll start with VISUAL DESIGN!

Part 01 - Visual design

Colour

I’ve mentioned before about the importance of contrast and contrast ratio briefly. If you want to go into more details, you may have a look at W3 Guidelines. In short: 

Don't rely on colour alone to convey meaning, information and actions;

Make sure there's enough contrast between foreground and background

Provide an option for light/dark mode

Light/Dark Modes

There’s a myth that dark mode is good for accessibility, because it improves text readability. (Personally, I’m a big fan of dark mode, as white/bright screens may trigger migraines). However, as everything in ux, the answer to ‘is it black or white’ is that it depends. As mentioned before, a good rule of thumb is not to generalise and provide flexibility. 

When using light and dark mode, make sure the colour contrast ratio passes on both modes. Here’s a few tips for designing for dark mode (according to atmos article attached at the end of this): 

Use tints (less saturated colours). Saturated colours can cause eye strain and will be hard to pass accessibility standards.

Image from Atmos website

Avoid pure black. Please. Pure black and pure white when used together might be the default instinct, but the contrast when used together is so strong it becomes hard to look at. Choose dark greys and off-whites/light grey when possible. 

Be patient with your colour palette, inverting colours won’t make it necessarily good. Take your time to build a palette that will be suitable for both.

Target Sizes

First, what is this? This refers to the dimensions of interactive elements such as links, buttons, icons or touch targets. Basically, anything you can interact/click.

WCAG 2.2 established a minimum for pointer inputs to be 24x24. This is the space that should be provided for a clickable area.

Image from W3 website

There's a number of exceptions and guidelines which I won't get into too much detail. It's important to think about the area which people are clicking into these elements. Also remember that this may be quite useful for users that are using the forum in their mobiles - so this is quite important (don't you hate when you can't click somewhere because you haven't clicked the EXACT area needed?)

In short:

Make sure target sizes are at least 24px

Make sure buttons look like buttons, anything that is clickable and interactive LOOKS like they are interactive

Make sure links are underlined (again, as an extra visual sign that they are clickable)

THAT'S IT!!

For part 01 at least. This is just the tip of the iceberg though. If you'd like to dive deeper into this, I highly recommend Stephanie Walter's content, as well as the Extra Bold book read. I'm attaching a few more articles and resources here too! If you've read all of this, you are a champ, I know this is longer than usual. Please like and share this content, let's get it out there!

Articles:

Designers Guide to Documenting Accessibility

Dark mode ui best practices

Dark mode best practices

Accessibility annotation examples

Colour accessibility tools

Inclusive components design

Accessible design in 60s

Target size minimum

Resources

Accessible colours

Accessible colour palette builder

[captainstressed]

so ive been trying to cover the jemily drama from episode 3 for w e e k s and ive got something but not a lot. its more of a drabble than anything but its angsty and hurt/comfort and i may add to it in the future but for now here we go.

trigger warnings for baugate themes and also a panic attack.

Injure. Jean. Fear.

To see yourself plastered across a pornographic website on the deep web; there weren’t words to describe it. Having your own face staring back at you through the screen, partaking in acts that would turn the stomach of even the most hardened agents. JJ’s first desire was to slam her laptop shut, scrub raw the inside of her mind to rid herself of what she was seeing. But she couldn’t. For some reason she felt frozen in place, forced to stare ahead and witness what the person on the screen was doing. The person who had stolen her face, taken the very thing that was hers and hers alone. Her identity.

JJ felt physically sick. Her entire body trembled as she finally managed to shut the laptop and push it away from her. She couldn’t blink without the images flashing behind her eyes like some sick slideshow. Luke had been right; it was convincing. It was almost like an out of body experience. JJ knew it wasn’t her, knew she hadn’t committed these acts. But seeing her own face, attached to a body that looked disgustingly similar to hers.

Her stomach lurched; she covered her mouth and searched the room for a trash bin, barely catching herself as she stumbled across the room and landed hard on her knees before losing the meagre contents of her stomach.

She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling raw and empty.

How far had this content spread? How many people that had seen these images and videos believed they were actually her?

What if?

She retched in spite of her empty stomach, the thought of her boys either finding it themselves or having it shown to them had her insides twisted into knots.

JJ couldn’t even begin to fathom how she would explain it, she felt as though her own mind was betraying her. Her vision blurred; she hadn’t even realised she was crying. Flashes of what she had seen replayed on a loop inside her head, her breaths passing shaky as panic set in.

-

Thats how Emily found her.

Worry took over and she didn’t bother to announce herself before rushing to JJ’s side. Emily wasn’t initially aware of the state her friend was in or how she had gotten in such a state in the first place. It was clear that JJ hadn’t registered Emily’s presence but that didn’t stop her from reaching out.

Almost instantly JJ recoiled; not unlike a dear spooked by headlights. She held herself tighter with one arm and held the other out towards Emily, a clear sign not to come any closer.

“Don’t touch me.”

Emily held up her hands, not wanting to agitate JJ further. She had no idea what had sent her friend into such a state and it scared the absolute shit out of her.

JJ’s lips were moving but with her voice barely above a whisper, broken by gasps of breath she was struggling to take, Emily had no idea what she was trying to say. She was trapped in her mind and working herself up further.

“JJ, honey, you need to breathe.”

Emily’s hands hovered over JJ’s arms but didn’t make contact. The latter shook her head and it gave Emily only the slightest bit of relief that she could hear her.

“You’re having a panic attack.”

Her voice was low and calm despite feeling the exact opposite. She wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull JJ into her arms but decades of training had her knowing it was the last thing that would help right now.

JJ tried to latch onto Emily’s voice; the disgust sat heavily in the pit of her stomach but the fear hit her in waves and had her feeling like she was drowning.

“Concentrate on your breathing JJ, try and match my breaths.”

Emily took a chance and grasped JJ’s free hand, grateful when she didn’t fight her again. She held it to her chest and breathed deeply before releasing, encouraging JJ to do the same.

“Thats it JJ, you’re doing great.”

JJ tried to focus all of her energy on Emily; her voice, her breathing. She curled her fingers around one of the lapels on her coat, it was soft and she let her mind wonder to how warm and safe it would feel to be wrapped in it. 

It was enough of a distraction for her breaths to resume a semi normal pace; not enough to rid her mind of the reason she had gotten into this state in the first place however.

“Em,”

Her voice cracked when she spoke; she managed to meet Emily’s eye for the fraction of a moment before a sob forced its way up her throat. This time Emily didn’t hold back, letting go of JJ’s hand to pull her in for a hug. With them both sort of sat on the floor it was a slightly awkward angle but that didn’t stop JJ from melting into her arms and holding on for dear life.

[silverbladexyz]

Hi love! How are you? How have you been? Sorry for bothering, can I request Chuuya boyfriend headcanons please?

Thank you! Have a nice day/night!! 💞💞

Hiiii I'm alright, just kind of stressed recently because of life :') but I'm surviving! How about you?

The image does not belong to me. It belongs to it's original owner.

TW: Mentions of death, violence, slight suggestiveness. Gender neutral reader

Chuuya boyfriend headcanons

-Let's see... to win Chuuya's love and trust is no easy feat. To start off with, he's a Port Mafia executive, which means that he barely has any time for friendships, let alone love. And to top it all off, he himself has lost too many people in his life, something which made him put up all those walls around himself in fear of losing someone else again

-Be prepared for a lot of denial and internal conflict once he realises his feelings for you. Chuuya is not one that is entirely in tune with his emotions, and to express what he is feeling proves to be an even harder feat for him. He might give shorter and more curt answers back to you, and might even distance himself from you if he's overwhelmed with this foreign feeling called 'love'

-But once you do get into a relationship with him, it is one full of passion and sacrifices. Chuuya's loyalty knows no bounds, and trust me when I say that he will commit everything to you. He holds onto you like you were something that could be blown away from him by a mere breeze, yet he holds you as if you were a fragile treasure, one so hardly acquired and easily lost

-He is quite protective. Desperate to not lose you, he will take extra measures to ensure that you are safe whenever he is not around you. Whether you were another Mafia executive or just a normal civilian, Chuuya will always make sure that another Mafia member was around your area should you run into trouble when he was not there

-It will take Chuuya a while to get used to being in a relationship with you. He's still learning, so he would really appreciate it if you told him what he could improve on or what your opinion on some of his actions in the relationship was. He wants to be the perfect boyfriend for you, and he will try his absolute hardest to learn and make himself someone deserving of your love and attention. Please assure him that he is enough already

-Affection isn't something he is used to as well. Even his friends in the Mafia only did as far as to give him a pat on his shoulder, or even a hug in the rarest of instances. So if you suddenly give him a kiss out of nowhere, or brush your fingers against his lovingly, he will freeze a little bit before slowly reciprocating it. But over time, he does become more comfortable with affection, as long as you don't overdo it

-Now his love language would either be acts of service or quality time. Chuuya isn't the best at words or affection, and he does get you gifts every now and then, but since this relationship is so foreign for him it would take a while for him to use other ways to show his love for you. He would be more than happy to learn how to tell you 'I love you' through actions and thoughts

-Chuuya would definitely be a lot more gentle and vulnerable in a relationship. He trusts you completely, and he isn't one to hide secrets from you as he values honesty. While he may be brash and temperamental, he is also perfectly capable of showing that soft side he locks away in himself, and he shows it to you and you only

-Further on into the relationship, be prepared for Chuuya to tell you everything. His past, his insecurities, his trauma, everything. He doesn't expect you to comfort him or help him, he just wants someone whom he can talk to and not worry about being betrayed or judged. So when you hugged him and assure him of how strong he was and how lucky you were to have him, it's from there on that Chuuya appreciates you the most he has ever appreciated you before

-Chuuya has a few hobbies that he likes to do in his free time, but he is interested in your hobbies as well, and often does them with you as he gets to spend more time with his beloved. His favourite things to do with you include taking you on motorcycle rides, have friendly sparring matches with you, wine-tasting, and even just shopping for exquisite and high-end clothes. He'd involuntarily spoil you since he has a lot of money, but he doesn't mind it if you spoil him too

-Kissing was a whole new experience. He will start off a bit rough and awkward at first, so it is mostly up to you to guide him with small movements of your lips and fleeting touches with your fingertips. Chuuya is surprised at how much he likes to kiss you, and you do note that his kisses do eventually get a bit softer as time goes on

-But if you wanted to make out with him? He's down for it and will mostly take the lead. His hands will grip you firmly but gently on your waist as he dominates the kiss. Spice it up a little by fighting back or by teasingly running your fingers along some more of his sensitive spots on his neck. However, he will get you back for it

-Love him, and he will love you back infinite times more than your love for him. Chuuya Nakahara is but a man; a man who has had everyone leave him; a man who doesn't let his past define who he is. His love for you will forever burn brighter than the flames of passion that consume his very being

So I feel like this was more deeper and serious than all my other posts. Chuuya to me is such a complex and deep character and it gives me a rare sense of thrill to write for him, especially when I get to analyse the other parts of his character that is not explicitly shown or told.

@circinuus @nekokinax @xxsigmakinniexx @xxelfmamaxx @yuugen-benni @ashthemadwriter @lakeside-paradise @catzlivedforbsd @sariel626 @yukitomybeloved @irethepotato @voyagewiththesatan @arisu-chan4646 @chuuyas-beloved

[theomnicode]

Motivation, interpersonal relations & Food; Sharing is caring

In-depth Saitama character analysis

V Original date of writing: Oct 4 2022 V

Location: Draft folder

Content warning: Old and extremely long analysis

In previous installments of Saitama and food, I've touched on the issues of self-consciousness and his aversion to eating well in public setting and how it may affect his body image or it being a metaphor for him eating well being beneficial to his health.

Saitama loves good food, that much is a given. He's often going after sales, cannot resist good meat and cannot resist invitations for a good meal and won't hesitate to take an advantage of a scenario for a chance of food, something a lot of other characters have taken note of.

But what does food otherwise mean for Saitama? In what kind of settings does he indulge in food? What is food besides nourishment?

The obvious answer is interpersonal relationships. Financial security. Comfort. The more he has money, the more he can afford food yes? Eating out in a group is less hassle than eating alone yea?

The less obvious answer though?

Base source of happiness.

Being able to share his love for food and tastes with people he most cares about. Being able to provide for them. Learning and showing indirectly that he cares.

Let's deep dive into the realm of Saitama and his relationship with food. And what it means with his relationship with Genos and other people.

Warning, this is a very, very long post. But I feel like it's a cathartic one when talking about Saitama and his relationships with people and how it develops over the course of the series. Saitama is at the same time, complex but inherently external motivation driven.

-*-

The very first thing Saitama does after Genos comes to his house, is set up tea for Genos. A means of expressing his hospitality but also setting the precedent that Saitama is willing to provide and share food with Genos, a very obvious cyborg he knows little about, regardless if he eats and regardless of his taste preferences. Showing that Saitama has always treated Genos like a human in this aspect. Saitama seems to score pretty highly on the conscientious scale in general.

"Go home after you drink."

An invitation for Genos and ticket for him to eat with Saitama in his house. A leeway no other character has, despite them enjoying hot pot together and I will explain why later. Possibly because Genos had already slightly impressed him in the fight against Mosquito girl by killing all the mosquitoes from around him because they annoyed him. To Saitama, perseverance is strenght of character but Genos is also showing interest in him, which has never really happened to Saitama before. Genos killed the mosquitoes, so Saitama saves Genos by taking care of Mosquito girl in return.

It is the first instance in which Saitama provides Genos with food, before Genos has accepted to becoming his disciple. Saitama barely manages to listen to Genos' speech, despite not really wanting to, but he deigns interest because Genos actually showed up like he promised. And learns quite a few things about his acquaintance that he can empathize with.

The teacup coincidentally reads: "Good things come to those who wait."

"Go home! It's not like we're related."

(The implications of these statements from Saitama cannot be understated. Genos perseverance to stay and help is what ultimately endears him to Saitama and he becomes a steady figure in his life and he finds a new home in Saitama's home.)

The second time Saitama gives Genos tea is when he's once again, at his house after he met Sonic. Saitama unloads his grievances to Genos when he realises nobody knows who he is. It is a sore point that he has done so much hero work, yet nobody actually cares and it was a close call that he did not give up on being a hero entirely. It's not like he particularly likes the violence involved and he's not getting any of the satisfaction from doing a good job from being thanked for doing it since nobody knows he's doing hero work, so what's the point if it no longer makes him happy?

Genos insisting on listening to his problems, despite Saitama trying to aggressively shoo him away, being a willing listener and providing an immediate solution and even agreeing to come along so Saitama does not feel alone and socially anxious does endear him to Saitama immediately and so, Saitama feels indebted to Genos.

Quid pro quo, Genos helped him out on heroism, so Saitama will mentor him.

Becoming a pro hero gave him immediate source of steady funding and suddenly he has a bit more money to spend. It's really not a lot, C and B-class heroes really don't earn a lot, but it's a start. He no longer has to look for an extra job, so he can just focus on being a hero. Or anything really that he wants to do. More money means more doors are open since everyday activities can cost things and it's a definite obstacle in enjoying the little things in life.

Saitama's immediate reaction is feeling bummed if Genos does not actually like his meal tastes. Noodles are affordable and Saitama just tested this noodle place few days before, so he knows it's a good place to take his new disciple out to eat.

It is to share his first meal with his disciple who already helped him out financially, helped him build public relations, aided his route to heroism and sets a good example of what it means to be a hero. Not to mention cool af.

Genos is just plain amazing. Hand's down. And already doing quite a lot for him.

Sharing a meal with Genos and providing is Saitama's way of showing he cares. That he wants to get to know Genos better and he's comfortable in his company.

When he's usually closeted off, to the point where people like Fubuki can't get his preferences out of him even via force and is surprised how easy it was to bribe Saitama with just a pack of meat, he willingly shares his preferences in food with Genos because he wants the connection. Or he's testing the waters with this newfound relationship.

He is glad he Genos likes udon and he's not picky. It makes it easier for Saitama to provide him with good food and share his preferential foods with Genos. It makes Genos more relatable to Saitama too.

Nothing bums a good cook more than people showing distaste in the food you make with love. We'll get back to this later.

So right afterwards of their sparring when they've become pro heroes, Saitama knows he's low on funds, but he's willing to provide regardless. He's now a mentor to Genos, his job is to see that his disciple has everything he needs.

Genos continues to surprise him by being able to eat even more than he can on a good day and being a good sport about it. But the scene already shows that Saitama is comfortable in Genos company that he does not care about other people gawking at them eating. Neither does Genos care if he eats his fill on food and instead, joins in on the fun of eating.

Saitama: “No, I couldnt take the stares I was getting pigging out alone.”

Saitama does not eat big meals alone. It's wasteful and he does not feel comfortable doing it. Other people would judge him if he ate his fill in calories and he becomes incredibly self-conscious about it.

But in addition, it's because he has nobody to share a good meal with. Share his love for good food. He probably feels lonely eating large meals alone. He barely cooks at home before Genos arrives either, just rice on eggs, despite knowing how. He was only going to buy crab pincers because they were cheap source of protein. He has the skillsets of being able to cook good meals but does not bother.

Smaller note about the crab pincers is that Saitama had to go buy new food after he had taken care of Beefcake. His heroism is directly interfering with his daily life and causing undue unhappiness, like when he broke his new eggs too. This is a point for later.

Afterwards, said disciple decides to move in with him. Without asking. Once again butting in on his life with the force of a bull that does not listen. He's comfortable in his company now, possibly trying to mentor him as well but living with the guy? Saitama already knows he's a handful and he has reservations.

How can he feed two mouths? He's the teacher and the master of the household, he should provide food right? And other essentials too. He doesn't have the money for that.

We know now that Saitama never used the rent money Genos gave him from interviews. So it is not greed that let him allow Genos to actually stay and turn around his mind.

It's the assurance that Genos can provide for himself, in the worst case scenario that Saitama cannot.

It's also assurance that Genos is willing to participate in the cost of utilities, should the need arise.

Because he's richer, he should have no issue even if shit hit the fan. That the younger cyborg, who is still under the age of majority of 20 years old MIND YOU, can apparently financially support himself, is a relief. Saitama at this point does not know what role Dr. Kuseno plays in Genos life and if he provides for Genos or not.

So Saitama only fondly asks if Genos has brought his own toothbrush with him, more apparent in the tone inflection of anime version. Brushing teeth is important for Saitama, so he wants to make sure Genos has basic necessities for living with him if he's to provide for him. He apparently can't shoo this insistent cyborg away.

Saitama can relate with Genos insistence for company. Because Saitama often relates with loneliness. He's been very lonely himself and yet he still craves human connectivity. He also relates to Genos' self-destructive tendencies, which keep popping up later in the story when he keeps finding Genos destroyed in some form or another.

Saitama officially takes Genos in his home and under his wing.

Guess he is stuck with Genos now. For good.

There is just one slight issue.

How the hell is he going to teach Genos? What the hell can he even teach him?

Meanwhile, Genos keeps raising the bar by taking the mentorship ultra seriously. Saitama feels even more indebted to provide something in return because he doesn't want to feel like an ass or a scammer. He can't yet figure out why Genos would want to stay at his place instead of somewhere else.

When Genos tells him that suddenly, his capacity to financially provide for the guy is in danger too, he gets very stressed out. If he can't get money, he can't feed his new disciple or buy him any necessities. Otherwise he probably would not care that much.

Then he even urges Genos to reach top ten, while bullshitting the entire time. Chances are he feels guilt about that, because it's very much unsafe to prompt his disciple to push himself in an environment like that.

Prompting Genos into getting into this workaholic attitude about heroism comes back to bite him later.

We are not shown or told this...but when he gets the money from arresting Sonic...he probably has a light bulb moment. About what he can actually provide for Genos. What he can mentor Genos with. What Genos was seeking for when he wanted to become his disciple and why he's insisting on staying at his house.

That Genos no longer considers himself human, so he would show him humanity. That he would never have to pinch pennies, because Saitama would provide for him and teach him how to save money. Give him a safe, familial and happy life in a peaceful environment. A place to live in that Saitama can protect to avoid homelessness. A family that is so strong he would never practically die to an attack. Teach him how to survive even when solo so he'd never be helpless again. Give him company so he'd never be truly alone again.

This is the gist that he retains from Genos' long introduction speech that he thinks Genos is missing in his life and why he came to Saitama in the first place. The rest, I am not sure if Saitama even retained because he has difficulty following long conversation and the only reason he listened was because he empathized.

Saitama can painfully relate, because he has no family of his own. He has lived alone since he was 12 and he's lonely as well. One thing he thinks daily is food insecurity because he does not have a lot of money, so he's pinching pennies all the time. Food is a source of comfort, security, warmth and social connectivity and eating food is one of the few sources of comfort he has left, having lost all motivation.

Because Genos listened to his problems, it was his turn to return the favour. And provide he does. In ways he can. Show him the value of life and enjoyment in the little things that life has to offer to Genos. Take him out to festivals. Take him out to bathhouse. Things like that. Start small, figure out what Genos likes to do.

And perhaps intentionally or unintentionally gives him the means of training his mental strenght in safe environment.

At Saitama's core, what motivates him is helping other people. It makes him happy to help other people and see them happy. Genos coming to him and asking to become his disciple and unloading to him like that meant he was unhappy and asking for his aid.

So Saitama would attempt his best to help Genos attain that happiness that he was lacking in his life.

Saitama: No no, that’s not it! Stuff like this is just FUN! It helps you forget the bad times! See? Festivals are the epitome of Summer! Look at all the kakigori (shaved ice) and yakisoba (fried noodles), and all the bustling food stands! For a normal young person, this kind of stuff really gets you in the mood, right? Genos: I am sorry, Sensei. I am not like other normal human beings as I have artificial parts and… Saitama: No, this has nothing to do with parts! sighs I just thought that, well, you’re always fighting monsters and taking all these notes, always being so serious and putting yourself under stress. I thought that maybe going out to places like this will be good for you. And it’s free too… Saitama: I see…I guess you’re not really into those kind of things? Well, it’s been a really long time for me as well…

One of the important things Saitama values in life is comfort in food. It helps him forget the bad times. The stress from being a hero and being able to unwind and relax in the comfort of his own house.

Saitama actually gets the motivation to start cooking again. For Genos.

He probably hasn't cooked in a while but now he can share that meal with someone else who would eat the food he makes. He wouldn't really bother to cook large meals for himself, not after he got depressed and lost motivation to do much anything. He can share a meal with someone else and Genos gets to eat food he makes.

(Provided he does not reveal the possible monster ingredients, he's unsure how Genos would react to that)

Sharing dinner becomes a tradition and Saitama is happy to cook for someone else. Showing that he cares.

He shops at the first opportunity for Kombu(seaweed) soup ingredients because he just got paid, showing he can provide in the household even with his meager funds and prepares a meal with a smile on his face.

Genos unfortunatly COMPLETELY misreads his intentions and provides a commentary about hair growth instead of the you know, food...like asking how it tastes or showing any kind of interest.

"Nobody said anything about hair!"

The dejection in the voice is real.

Haha, poor Saitama, everything is about his lack of hair. But it's ok. They have dinner now. But maybe the dinner just wasn't up to Genos' standards, he seems like a high maintenance sort of guy.

Pun intended.

(One might think Saitama's hair complex is rooted here because Genos was staring at his bald head, the next time Saitama thinks about providing Genos with food. His brain makes all kinds of interesting connections.)

The ingredients being on sale, the satisfaction of being able to make good, filling and tasty dinner for both of them (read: Genos), makes Saitama feel triumphant enough that his divine power flashes and his facial features change for a moment to show the true self.

That's a lot of motivation huh? A rare flash of his drive that's not hidden beneath apathy or veils.

He's bloody good at this sensei-thing. But Genos is apparently the best external motivator. Saitama seems to need a lot of external motivation in order to operate.

"Dinner target acquired." *smirk*

No doubt he hasn't actually made his favourite food in ages. If he has, only sparingly. Meat is expensive after all.

He lists out loud what kind of hotpots there are that they could make, for Genos benefit but also for himself. Listing the hotpots makes it easier to remember the ingredients it appears, but the second he gets to the Chicken hotpot, his memory is jarred and he remembers the premium chicken sale that was going on.

Hot pot without cabbage is according to Saitama, not a real hotpot though, so missing out on either ingredient immediately stresses him out. Hot pot without cabbage would taste bland, unfulfilling and it would not be a satisfactory enough meal. Only his best cooking effort would suffice since Genos didn't show interest in Kombu soup. Maybe Genos didn't like vegetarian foods.

Genos proves his worth as a disciple, by sharing the cost of food and by going above and beyond his duty and provides them with the meat for the hot pot regardless of everything that happened to Genos. Cementing his place as a reliable person in Saitama's household and not minding sharing the costs of food that allows Saitama more leeway to provide for Genos in multiple ways.

In parallel, Genos is able to provide the meat for the food despite doing his heroic duty, while Saitama in episode 1, lost the crab pincers he tried to buy because he had to go do his heroic duty and then had to go shop for eggs instead. So with Genos inclusion to the household, their source of food is in safer hands with the two of them. Even if Saitama has to take care of threathening enemies, it would not threathen their acquisition for good food. Such as source of protein that Saitama personally needs, so Genos is looking out for him back. Again a good source of motivation to keep Genos around but he does empathize that Genos had a rough time...about missing the sale.

Saitama also spoke from experience when he told Genos to not lose his house keys.

A growing trend in Saitama's quest to provide meaningful life for Genos in the form of happiness, comfort and familial environment, is Saitama's heroism coming in the way of that. Needing to make a choice between providing for Genos and needing to perform his heroic duty.

During meteorite incident, his favourite Supermarket got trashed because he did not perform his heroic duty "adequately" enough, making it harder to source food fast and get to supermarkets on time for sales. Leading to everyone in the town criticizing his actions as a hero and being a failure. Then he even forgot a sale for food because of that.

The combination of being able to get some potential crab meat in the house and finding a strong enemy at the same time is good amount of motivation to head out.

That Genos is willing to follow him, regardless of his stance on heroism and stay by Saitama's side and encouraging him to ignore the citizens and still believing he's a good person despite that, does wonders to Saitama's self-esteem and his self-worth. Genos believes in him as a person, not as a hero, that he's not too weak and is amazing in his own right and he's doing something right with this mentorship and that he does not need to be a perfect example of a role model hero to be a good mentor. Heroism isn't what he's trying to teach to Genos anyway, because Saitama feels Genos is a far better hero than he is. Genos prioritizing Saitama's comfort and happiness and encouraging him to get out of the situation and back home gives him massive points in Saitama's eye.

Saitama also tries to teach Genos to be self-sufficient. Because Genos wants to be strong but Saitama cannot exactly teach him traditionally, Saitama finds other ways to help Genos be self-sufficient so he can grow as a person and become as strong as he can be. Spiritual training. Such as teaching him how to clean house and source his food from wild game (and monsters), in the case that Genos cannot buy meat from the store.

No doubt Saitama has at this point, been the guy who taught Genos how exactly to clean the house, fix the apartment and the surrounding blocks and other life lesson that Genos takes to like fish to water. Saitama has done numerous odd jobs and probably had to learn how to fix his house and the surrounding blocks just because monster attacks became so numerous. And he has a tendency to break stuff.

Z-city emptied and Saitama also knows the scarcity of being able to get food. Grocery stores closing, supermarkets getting destroyed in monster attacks...there are many ways how person is incapable of just being able to buy food, even if they had the money.

Saitama provides life lessons to Genos, but not stiffle his potential. So whenever Genos asks Saitama to not interfere when he's tackling a monster, Saitama does not because it's important for Genos and his own protection that he become as strong as he can be and without facing any challenges, Genos cannot reach his true potential. It is not that Saitama is blase. It is more that he wants to trust in Genos abilities. Genos needs to be able to survive on his own if he's to be happy in life.

When the Sea king incident arrives, Saitama truly begins to worry for the first time for Genos' safety. And he is relieved that Genos is alive, for now. But it awakens the protective instincts in Saitama.

He worries, when enemies get increasingly difficult and increasingly numerous and Genos does not actually come home in time.

Unable to come home in time to eat dinner.

That Genos being heroic is also a detriment to his ability to stay intact, that Saitama prompted him into doing. Detriment to Genos being able to stay happy if he continues to be workaholic.

Being able to provide for Genos is one thing, but there are some things you can't buy with money. There are more important things in life than just material goods and even food. That's being able to preserve the life of those he cares about and having immaterial things around him can bring him happiness too. Saitama is slowly coming to realize what Genos truly means to him.

The age old saying that money cannot buy happiness.

Food has always equaled happiness to Saitama. A source of dopamine his brain desperately needs. Food is material so it won't ask for anything back...unlike other people might.

Genos is always more than willing to go buy expensive meat for food. Genos knows by now that Saitama can't resist free meat. But what if Genos ran out of money? Making do with what ingredients you have can still make an excellent meal when prepped optimally, such as when Saitama tells Genos that just adding BBQ sauce to cabbage alone is a good meal. Being frugal can save money for bad day, for worst case scenario. So he would never have to go hungry just because he lacked access to certain ingredients.

But Saitama also attempts to teach Genos to be more prepared to face the unexpected scenarios that one comes across in their lives that make it difficult to live life at their fullest.

Unexpected loss of life is one.

Saitama feels very responsible for whatever happens with Genos, so like a good mentor he is, will also stop Genos from drinking as he's still under the age of majority and should not be allowed to drink.

Life continues on after Boros' attack as Saitama continues to provide for Genos. In life lessons and in food and utilities. Things like shampoo, despite Saitama not even having hair, he feels responsible for Genos life now and his well-being and that Genos continues to enjoy the major and little things in life to the fullest.

He takes Genos out to festivals, to bathhouse, to fishing, to flying a kite, to swimming, christmas meal at home etc. Everything he can think of, he wants to share what he values in life to Genos.

Then he meets King and one of the first things Saitama again does, is extend an invitation with food towards King because he thinks he can relate with King in some way. Notably extending an offer of drinks. Discuss their life over food and start relating to each other sounds like a fair deal.

Saitama shows incredible empathy for King's situation and he relates to the need of requirement to be strong. That one cannot appear to be weak in this world filled by monsters and people need a role model to encourage them to be strong too. That he too needs to be a good role model for Genos so Genos can grow strong as well. But Saitama probably questions if he's a good role model to begin with because in his mind, he just pretends to be a hero, still. But Saitama cares a lot and so tells King he will come around to play games with him in the future. Saitama offers his hand and maybe, he can have fun playing games with King in return.

Ironically enough, it is only at this point that Saitama even gets any inkling that Genos has been able to eat, let alone taste the food he makes. Yet it does not bother him. Genos ate the food he provided and seemed happy to do so, that was all that mattered. It was the connection he made with Genos and the relationship they share over eating that mattered more.

He advises Genos to not look at gift horse in the mouth. If an offer of kindness such as free food is given, it would be rude to refuse. Sharing is caring after all. Saitama can also appreciate Dr. Kuseno who gave Genos ability to eat and taste food and enjoy this comfort in life.

What Saitama does NOT appreciate however, is other people butting in when he attempts to have quiet and peaceful dinner with Genos. And attempts of destroying his means of sharing these moments with Genos really pisses him off.

Saitama has really grown to appreciate the comfortable setting of just enjoying a peaceful meal with Genos, as it gives him peace of mind as well and allows him an opportunity to relax. The constant surge of monsters all around the cities, the forces of evil not stopping, can easily wear one down.

Somewhere down the line, he has also taught Genos how to cook as well. Genos is a quick learner and the more self-sufficient he is, the better. That Genos wants to cook for Saitama is a sweet sentiment to show that he cares back, something Saitama definitely understands.

Not offering Fubuki any refreshments or food when she comes knocking? Nope, Saitama can't relate with that woman as of yet lmao. And does not want to, apparently. Acquaintance-zoned.

He's more than happy to buy some bananas and check on Mumen at the hospital though.

Saitama seems to have internalized that sharing food works as means that he can show his empathy for other people's blights and that he can relate with it. This is something he has learned from interacting with Genos, who has so far been receptive to the idea that sharing food works to connect with other people, because he really has difficulties with forming relationships with other people. It has become a way for him to offer his care and comfort to them.

It is so very cute in a neurodivergent way.

'I empathize. Here, have some food, for comfort. You'll feel better eating.'

It does not seem like much to others, far from it. But Saitama honestly tries. Mumen selflessly helped save Genos and shared food with him and did not expect anything back. So Saitama after hearing Mumen is in the hospital, goes out on his way to bring him some food.

I am laughing a bit when he offers Tank-top Master a banana too, the very second he mentions taking out monsters in one hit. Saitama you're being so wholesome.

Quid pro quo still applies, since he offers his empathy, he can probably ask for something in return.

Saitama really does not ask for a lot in life and he has gotten very little help in his own life. So this type of approach probably stems from his bad experiences in social life in general. Not getting anything for free but he has to offer something first and extend a hand. Then they are less likely to turn him down if they feel indebted, even if they don't actually like him. Interacting with Genos seems to have reinforced this mentality.

It is sad in a clever, survivalist point of view. He does not know Tank top master, so he won't know how he would react, but he really wants to know more about what happened to him in detail.

What I have personally determined must be ADHD is actually popping up on his chapter more too, when he gets very distracted and hyperfixated on the price money. For a long time, he could be secure financially? Count him in!

Emotional dysregulation and difficulties with connecting with people do go hand in hand with being neurodivergent.

The tournament arc does serve a major turning point in Saitama's life however. That he has learned to empathize with the blight of other people when previously in fight with Beefcake, he did not empathize at all. The guy's brother dies and the city goes splat and all he says is "oh." He used to care a lot in the past but when he started losing to apathy and losing his humanity, he also lost the ability to empathize. Meeting Genos and allowing him in turns him back on the right track and provided him the means of how to become a true hero.

Once again, the feeling of being inadequate in his heroism, no matter if he tries his best, rears it's head again. That he's just letting all these monsters roam free when he seemingly does not care enough. Letting all these monsters do what they wish, like hurting people he cares about, such as hurting Genos.

Saitama does care, a lot. He instinctually pulled the big chinned kid from out of the way of harm and awakened his drive and source of passion deep within. And after that he showed care and empathy for other people like when he saved King, without thinking he needed to get something in return. He used to be happy just doing service for society and protecting other people, just because, not out of need to get anything back but simply from his own desire.

That he has forgotten his, he has forgotten what made his hero work satisfactory in the first place and what motivates him to do it. Personal interest is very integral for people with ADHD as key motivation. So it slowly became quid pro quo and when nobody appreciated what he was doing because he started tackling stronger and stronger monsters and not interacting with actual people any longer, he simply lost all the motivation, source of happiness and became bored and unhappy. He always wanted, at this base core, protect and connect with other people more.

He needed to gain something to be bothered to do hero work again, so he turned to seeking stronger opponents for the thrill and trying to motivate himself. Saitama does not like violence though, so when he began to tackle monsters instead of helping old ladies cross the street and saving kids from getting ran over a car, he started hating himself too. Hating his powers and hating what he does. Feeling like a shitty person for becoming too strong. The stronger he got, the more his apathy grew because he had to become detatched from his own emotions in order to continue his hero work so he would dislike himself less. The stronger he got, the more he started to have difficulties enjoying small things in life and what constituted as his source of happiness in life, like playing games. He was breaking things he enjoyed doing. It created stress. Stress meant he became more impulsive. It became a self-perpetuating cycle.

Chasing heroism for the sake of being a hero does not work as a motivator for Saitama, as he tells to King. Being a hero was just the end to achieve the means of what he truly wanted to do; not have his heart be so empty anymore and attain that happiness. Not be weak anymore to help other people and find his place in the society.

More stress means he is connecting with his emotions more though and he worries for Genos when King reminds him that he hasn't even seen Genos all day. Unfortunately, Saitama is also easily distracted, yet another trait of ADHD.

He does succesfully punch the monster and finds Genos somewhat intact, so that's a relief that he made it in time at least.

Punching away stress not only released the negative emotion, seeing Genos be unharmed from his serious punch made him feel relaxed again. That and being able to trust in King's advice, that King has great heroic instincts, would allow him to keep Genos safe.

^ Original date of writing: Oct 4 2022 ^

Location: Draft folder

v New edit: September 22, 2024 v

Uh oh

Wee-oo-wee-oo-wee-ooo *sirens blaring*

Genos does not seem like he's alright here. He's completely flipped how he thinks about Saitama's heroism to its head. This idolization is very concerning.