Can I be cringe for a second?
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“You can reserve your entire army”
The Beasts of Chaos are glad they don’t have to deal with Kroot, and their unstoppable Konga Lines.
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Motorhead on the Young Ones
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how do i contact apple bc actually i am currently going through an internet story but i don't have twitter.
which is to say that 3 weeks ago i was on vacation to the Azores with my family. due to girl pockets (iykyk) my phone fucking jumped into the ocean literally only because i lifted my leg above a 30 degree angle to avoid a wave. the phone was black. the sand was black. it was night. i had waded in about 2 feet deep. i think my guardian angel just closed his eyes.
i immediately reached a state of peace about it. maybe it was a sign from god or the universe. don't we all need to unplug. let's live in the moment or whatever. also, let's give the crabs technology, i just think it would be funny.
i come home. i haven't backed up my phone in a while (lol since 2022) and the shitty replacement i got is literally useless. i lost pictures of newborn babies. i lost contacts. i have to wrangle things together that need 2-factor authentication with a phone that's in the fucking ocean.
and then today i got this notification.
What in the everfuck. are you kidding me. this thing was IN THE OCEAN. like the ACTUAL OCEAN. like originally "find my phone" was reporting it as ABSENT.
and then i get this email:
she found it while she was SNORKLING. at the bottom of the actual ocean. it's been there for 3 weeks.
IT STILL WORKS.
which is to say. like how do i get her anything she wants, forever. i don't have any money but i would buy her a fucking boat of iphones to thank her. how do we get apple to give me a commercial. if nothing else i just want people to know that someone found my phone at the bottom of the ocean because how fucking fake of a story does this even sound.
what's going on. hello????????
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being a manager sucks balls half the time but the cashier kids im in charge of trust me enough to dick around in front of me so ive been keeping a running list of the shit they say that makes me laugh randomly:
-"guys, is it cheating if you play fortnite with your ex" [4 seperate others, immediately]: "YES"
-"there must be like… infinite sentences"
-"bro what bro what the fuck bro what's that mean bro why'd you say that bro what" <distraught response to a girl randomly greeting him with 'hey there big boy' in an old timey transatlantic news reporter accent
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MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT GRAVITY FALLS IS THE HAPPY ENDING!! STAN REMEMBERS!! FIDDLEFORD FORGIVES!! PACIFICA HAS FRIENDS!! SOOS BECOMES MR. MYSTERY!! THE TWINS HAVE A BANGING BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!! DIPPER GETS A MEMENTO FROM WENDY!! MABEL GETS TO KEEP WADDLES!! STAN AND FORD MAKE UP AND SAIL AWAY ON THE STAN O' WAR II!! THE WORLD ALMOST ENDED!! BUT IT DIDN'T!! AND WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD IT IS!!!!
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i have such a love for characters who descend into madness or villainy out of deep, deep empathy. characters who fundamentally cannot cope with the cruel realities they find themselves in and blow up about it in spectacular fashion. fallen angel type characters with tears of outrage in their eyes. characters who break before they bend, and break so badly they splatter blood all over their noble ideals. every variation on it gets me so good
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