#Repeatedly misgendering trans people

[chuuya-fan-page]

This is your advice to block @chuugly-hate-page because they are not above actual hate speech

I've blocked and reported them but I cannot fucking believe the shit they're pulling, especially with what's happening in the world right now.

Hating a fictional character is one thing. Making shit up about said fictional character is another. But it's all stacking up on them now and they're disgusting. I could make an itemised list of the things they've said and done, but I'm not even going to entertain them anymore because they don't deserve any attention.

[moongothic]

[ct-hardcase]

[d*nt rb, venting]

having terec and ceret as two of my new most recent favorite characters has been an absolute joy but what's not cool is the fact that every so often when I do my content crawl for them like I did with eighth or voe or something I get them being misgendered a not-insignificant portion of the time

[noandpickles]

Rewatching NCIS for the first time in years: Teehee! What fun!

Season 1, Episode 19, Dead Man Talking: 🗡🙃

[queer-ghosts]

some of y'all really don't care about transphobia until it affects cis people

[pastadoughie]

many people were confused about some of my previous posts, so for the sake of clarity i am condensing everything! tumblr has extremely transphobic moderation practices, often flagging completely innocent posts as explicit, solely for containing trans women in them or mentioning transgenderism. while letting untagged porn in sfw tags (ive literally seen porn tagged as "sfw agere") and blatent hatespeech, especially twards trans people (just look at the "gender critical" tag) go completely unchecked recently the CEO of tumblr had a big public hissyfit about people (rightfully) calling him transmysogenistic, going into random trans womens dms to harrass them, and saying that predstrogen saying she "hopes he explodes with hammers and then explodes again and hammers fly everywhere" is a death threat and saying he is calling the FBI on her (repeatedly misgendering her and calling her "it") and many bloggers, apon speaking out about it or even making harmless jokes (one trans woman posted a picture of a car and a hammer with the caption "reblog to scare matt" and got nuked for it) and many are very very angry (rightfully) about this whole affair and tumblr in general. if you would like to look into it i reccomend scrolling the "predstrogen" tag as she is the case most people are talking about at the moment. So, what can we do? this is clearly an ongoing issue, and, dispite having lost a lawsuit about their transphobic moderation in the past (see : https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21274288-tumblr-nycchr-settlement) its clearly not gonna stop with just user complaints, as staff members are perfectly content to just go scorched earth on users who even so much as lightly poke fun at them well if you want to help you should contact the human rights commision (i will give clear details further down) ! you dont have to be in the US, nor be an adult to file, and it only takes a few minutes. this is the best and most effective method to fix this, because it hits tumblr where it hurts. human rights acencies have a lot of legal and financial power and tumblr CAN NOT just ignore them, and given that this will be the seccond time this is happening, the commisions shouldnt be playing nice anymore eaither. its really important that AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE FILE, and with different examples! while maybe your case might not be enough to prop up a lawsuit on its own, we need to prove a general trend. so every little bit counts! to respond to another question abt this ive gotten, as for what exactly to report, you should a) write about an act of discrimination youve recieved on tumblr that was eaither administered by a staff member OR that staff refused to give adequate moderation action in for example : a terf posted some blatent hatespeech targeted twards you, and you reported them, and staff looked at the issue and refused to persecute it. example 2 : you were unfairly flagged, deleted, or otherwise punished by a staff member and you are queer ( AND the post they banned you for has some kind of tie to your gender, ex : a sfw transition progress photo ) OR b) if you have not personally recieved something like that, please look for other peoples stories (THEY SHOULDNT BE HARD TO FIND, within the last couple of hours trans people have been being banned LEFT AND RIGHT for trying to speak on this. i would reccomend checking some of the tags related to what happened with predstrogen) and you should describe that incident as best as possible (be sure to disclose that you are speaking for someone else, ideally you should tell the story of someone you know, if possible.) you can also mention any reports you have made twards people posting blatent hatespeech that, opon reveiwing tumblr refused to prosecute dispite it being very obviously against terms of service. just so nobody gets confused about the filing process, im laying it out in more plain languadge!!

first you should email the SF HRC (san francisco human rights commision), at hrc.info@sfgov.org and say something along these lines :

Hello, I am [full name] from [country or state] and I am filing a complaint against Tumblr, witch is owned by the parent company Automattic Inc. located at 60 29th St, San Francisco, CA 94110.

Tumblr has had previous issues with the NYC DHR for their moderation being unfairly biased against trans women (see : https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21274288-tumblr-nycchr-settlement).

Despite a legally binding agreement with the NYC DHR, staff members still regularly harrass users based on their gender or sexual orientations. For example : on [date of most recent infraction] [describe incident] (if you are describing an incident that did not happen to you specifically, say something like) This incident involves the user [username] who I am not affiliated with (or/) who I am filing on behalf of.

I can be reached for further inquiries about this incident at [email you want to talk over] or [phone number you want to talk over]. (if you would like to be anonymous) However, In the event of legal prosecution against Automattic I would refer to be kept anonymous, where possible, in court proceedings. alternatively, you can also call the SF HRC at : 415-252-2500, you can use the above text as a starting point for this as well, next you want to fill out the form for the NYC DHR (new york city department of human rights) here : https://www.nyc.gov/site/cchr/about/report-discrimination.page for company you wanna put : Automattic and/or Tumblr for address you wanna put : 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003 for phone number you wanna put : (646) 513-4321 and for category of discrimination you can put : Discriminatory harassment and basis of discrimination you can put : Gender; Gender identity you can then use a similar script on the written section of the form. when describing a specific incident, you should attach as many screenshots and links as possible! (for links, include both a live link and an archival link, so take a capture with the internet archive and have that as an alternative, incase a staff member gets petty.) this should only take a few minutes at most, and it helps alot! you can fill this out if you are a minor, and you dont have to be a us resident, please please take the time!!! and, just to clarify because there are many posts going around that are confused about this tumblr moved offices to san francisco recently, so their main HQ is at : 60 29th St, San Francisco, CA 94110 they DO still have an office in new york city, and thats where their PREVIOUS HQ was, the address is : 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003

[autolenaphilia]

God, Matt Mullenweg is a dumbass. He could just have let his staff ban predstrogen, ignore her harassment and kept quiet, and he would have gotten away with it. She is a trans woman and people literally get away with murdering us, and the majority of the people who care are fellow trans women. Don't get me wrong, he will likely still get away with it, but he made this a bigger problem for him than it would have been otherwise.

Like this is more evidence that rich people are not smarter, they are often quite dumb. They don't work harder, and have quite easy jobs. Matt at this point has one of the easiest jobs in history, just let the money from wordpress being 40% of the internet roll into his bank account and relax. And he still managed to fuck that up.

That's because he took the quite minor controversy over Predstrogen being repeatedly banned personally for some reason. I'm not sure why, probably he thought his site being accused of transmisogynic moderation practices was a blow to his self-image as a cool tolerant dude.

And then he proved the critics point by repeatedly misgendering her, and singling her out by him, the ceo of tumblr, personally justifying her being banned. And then arguing about it with randos in replies and even dms. Like he points out himself that "We generally do not comment on individual cases." That's generally a good policy for a ceo of a social media site to have, Matt, don't ever make an exception to it, no matter how upset you are about "misinformation" that you are a transmisogynist.

Like his company's PR team must have been literally asleep or off the clock, or he didn't consult with them beforehand, because if they were in any way competent they would have told him what a bad idea this was.

[foone]

Full disclosure ahead of time: I'm trans, and not a fan of Harry Potter, as you might guess. However...

My favorite thing about the writing of Harry Potter is how the first book is set several years earlier for no reason. It's set in 1991 and came out in 1997

Then because of how the books came out over many year and each book is a year later in the story, the last book ends up being set in 1997 and published in 2007, a full decade later.

This would be an interesting writing exercise if it was at all used by J. K. Rowling, but it's not. This very specific dating of the books, and increasing dated setting is just there so that Rowling can make repeated anachronistic errors because she forgot her characters aren't living in the modern day.

There is no upside to definitively setting Harry Potter in the near past: nothing comes of it in a way that'd be impossible to do if the books were set in a vague present. All setting them in the past does is let Rowling repeatedly make mistake, like having Dudley get a Playstation for his birthday.

In the 1997 she wrote that in? Perfectly reasonable present for a kid! In the summer of 1994 this scene is set it? Fucking impossible. The PS1 wouldn't be out in Japan until that December, and wouldn't be released in Europe until the next year, after his NEXT birthday.

And it's like... This is just the most well known of the anachronisms. There's an endless parade of them solely because she decided to set the books in specific years, a choice which gained her NOTHING! This doesn't happen because the final battle needs to happen at the millennium for prophecy reasons, or because she needs her characters to meet up with real life people who were dead or otherwise unavailable by the time the books were written, it's just some story element she picked and then never for one second thought about the consequences.

(Another retroactively funny mistake caused by this is that she ends up having a character inadvertently misgender Margaret Thatcher of all people, because they call the previous prime minister "he", and the because the scene is set in 1996, the prime minister is John Major, so the previous one should be Thatcher, but she's clearly thinking the current PM would be Tony Blair, and the previous one would be John Major)

I dunno. It feels like there's something meaningful in how J. K. Rowling made a clearly bad decision once and hasn't thought about any of the negative effects of her decision, standing by and doubling down on it, no matter how much it doesn't help her or anyone. It just seems like this might be a metaphor for something.

But who can really say?

(that last line assumes you're using dark mode)

[chandralia]

Toga saying she loves both boys and girls explicitly, that she loves differently, was ridiculed/abused for FOR loving differently, saying she wanted to be like people around her instead. Twice suggesting her villain name be Carmilla? (THE FIRST LESBIAN VAMPIRE)

Ochako calling herself strange for wanting to save Toga, reaching out and leveling, speaking in a way only Toga can understand, telling her she’s the cutest girl in the whole world, and offering to give Toga her blood for the rest of her life??

Deku saying “I’ve spent my life chasing after you,”“you’re my image of victory,” that he “can’t imagine a world in which kacchan doesn’t exist,” “kacchan and everyone else” over and over again, LOSING HIS MIND WHEN ONLY KATSUKI’S INJURED, being told to control his heart three times (COUNT THEM: THREE) over Katsuki?? Kudou having to use Katsuki to motivate Deku? “their feelings become one” just from locking eyes…???? Deku’s world shifting when Katsuki’s alive again, looking at him in awe (the way he’s only ever looked at him).

Katsuki risking his life for Deku repeatedly, thinking of only him before death, having to imagine Deku in danger to further his quirk, being targeted because he’s the closest to Deku (VERBALLY STATED BY SHIGAFO), avoiding medical care at every turn to get to Deku, always reminiscing about their past, A MISSED HANDHOLD, imagining their future together and breaking down crying in front of Deku at the possibility of that being ripped from him, saying he wanted them to keep doing this forever?

“that’s just how shonen is, everyone’s gay but no one’s canon” SHUT UP PLEASE. we quite literally do not know what Hori is or isn’t allowed to do. He’s been vocal about fighting for what he wants in his story, and even if it is an executive or editor saying “no you can’t do this” look what he’s managed to do so far.

not to mention THREE canon trans characters, toga correcting overhaul at misgendering. kendo saying “I just want to be me” when talking about gender, the entire side plot with discrimination and people fighting for acceptance, Hori reading and approving all the stuff that happens in the light novels/team up missions, AND thanking/praising those authors for knowing his characters so well.

His assistant (nstime23) openly shipping bkdk, drawing fanart of them, blatantly using their ship name, WHILE STILL BEING MUTUALS WITH HORI.

and the reception???

Hori does not live under a rock. It’s not an “oopsie he made it gay on accident” thing, and it’s not done maliciously either.

sharing what I’ve said before because I’m tired:

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

Lately I've been thinking about the ways that families, and society, just aren't taught to celebrate queer people.

Probably the most significant life change that my sister experienced as a young adult was getting married to her husband. They are both lovely people, and their marriage was celebrated by an expensive formal ceremony surrounded by friends and family. There was catering and beautiful clothing and a hired band and dancing and photographers. My sister and her husband were surrounded by people who loved them, and were expressing their love and their joy. It was considered normal and natural for the occasion to be marked, and marked well.

The most significant life change I've experienced to this point in adulthood has been coming out as trans. Like my sister, I bought outfits for the occasion (but wardrobe essentials rather than a wedding dress). Also like my sister, I filled out paperwork to change my legal name (although the process was significantly longer and more expensive in my case, and the change was met with confusion and annoyance rather than congratulations). The similarities ended there. There was no party. No one congratulated me. There was no sense of celebration. Just the relief of "Thank hell the paperwork's over with," and the exhaustion of having to repeatedly remind disinterested relatives about names and pronouns and Gender Studies 101. Years later, most of my family still misgenders me behind my back, and frequently to my face. Not "on purpose." They just don't care enough to learn.

But hot damn, coming out means something, motherfucker. Queer self-discovery is hard and it is long, and it is an achievement. It deserves to be recognized, and to be celebrated.

Looking back, I wish I had celebrated. I wish I had dressed up and insisted on a family dinner at a nice restaurant. I wish I had told people to send me congratulatory greeting cards. I wish I had demanded to be celebrated. But it didn't occur to me, much less to my family members. That's the extent to which we are taught to ignore the significance of queer experiences. I went through a journey that transformed my life, and it didn't even occur to me to celebrate.

And even if it had, I would have had to celebrate alone, at least in spirit. Because the same people who were so excited to show up and celebrate my sister's marriage, this major milestone of her adulthood, just fundamentally did not care about the milestone I had reached. They barely acknowledged it; it didn't match their own experiences, and so they didn't recognize its importance. Crucially: they didn't offer me congratulations or celebration, because they were never taught to. And that's a pile of rubbish. All this to say:

Celebrate queer family & friends with the same gusto you celebrate cishets.

Bitch.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for trying to throw someone's phone into a lake?

Okay, so context: My coworker, who's probably in her 50s, has repeatedly misgendered me and made direct weirdly sexual comments at my body and my boobs (which I can't bind because my binder is too small and I have asthma that's getting worse). She's also a pain in the ass to work with, acting like she knows everything and absolutely taking over when she's teamed up with anyone.

She's made me spill all of the gritty details about why I need to use a cane because she kept hounding me about it, she's called other trans people dehumanizing things, she makes my disabled coworkers uncomfortable, she thinks vaccines cause autism.

Well, she accidentally left her phone in the bathroom. Where there are no cameras to prove I was the one who took it. This was also on a day where she was being particularly unbearable. Even to customers. I hid her phone and planned to throw it in the lake near my work when I got off.

I didn't get to because someone found it and turned it in to her.

AITA for wanting to do that to her?

(saw someone say we're lacking funny and unhinged AITA submissions so I thought I might try to deliver, I mostly already feel like this wasn't the best decision on my part, even if it was funny).

What are these acronyms?

[euniexenoblade]

i think one of the worst parts of the egg discourse honestly isn't the discourse itself, but if you dig into the comments and reblogs you'll find a consistent trend of "egg jokes are bad" people misgendering transfems that disagree with them And, I don't even mean "dudes" or "bros gender neutral" but straight up "pansexual / autistic / they pronouns / fuck conservatives" calling trans women men repeatedly after being told to stop (this is a specific reference). Comments that the OPs of these "egg jokes were used to bully me and burn down my village years ago so now random people on twitter arent allowed to have fun in their own friend groups" posts can delete, but don't. There absolutely is a level of "post too popular cant monitor is" but as someone who has that happen all the time, I don't believe for a second you didn't see this happening, you saw people misgendering trans women in your defense and you were just chill with it.

[probablyasocialecologist]

GCs claim to campaign for the “safety” of women and children. I’ve long suspected this was confined to the “right kind” of women and children. Kathleen Stock, a former trustee of the “LGB Alliance” (public statements of which include “adding the + to LGB gives the green light to paraphilias like bestiality…”) appeared (to me) to suggest that it would be “more honest” for high-profile trans allies to publicly “declare” if they have trans children. Her post made no mention of obtaining the children’s consent. It seems reasonable to interpret this as a call for the public outing of certain trans children. Given “out” trans children have been murdered and 64% are subjected to bullying, it strikes me as, at the very least, callous. Joey Barton, one of the movement’s most high profile (and oft platformed) voices, will shortly stand trial accused of assaulting his wife. Donald Trump, who was found by a jury to have sexually assaulted E. Jean Carroll, has increasingly made attacks on trans people a campaign talking point. The GC movement has claimed a degree of legitimacy based on previous legal successes, notably the case of Forstater v CGD Europe, in which GC beliefs were declared “worthy of respect in a democratic society”. Some seem to have interpreted this as a licence to persecute trans people. This summer three separate courts gave clear statements to the contrary. The Employment Tribunal upheld the sacking of teacher Kevin Lister after he equated being transgender (as one of his students was) with having a mental illness. The High Court upheld an order banning Joshua Sutcliffe from teaching children after he repeatedly misgendered a child in his care. In Australia, the Federal Court prohibited a dating app from discriminating against trans women. The message from the courts is clear: GC beliefs are worthy of respect, but GCs must also respect trans people. The summer of court losses also undermines the movement’s claims to expertise. High profile GC activists often hold themselves out as experts. The courts made clear that many are no such thing. Maya Forstater gave “expert” evidence in the Sutcliffe case. The judge was “not persuaded that she is properly described as an expert”, noting: “Ms Forstater explained that the use of non-preferred pronouns in this case might be due to cognitive dissonance. Mr Phillips was not, however, able to identify any medical expertise that she might have to opine on that issue.” Helen Joyce, Director of Advocacy at the GC group “Sex Matters”, purported to give “expert” evidence in the Australian case. The judge said she: “…does not have any formal education or qualifications even in biology, let alone in gender, sex or law… she is not an expert at all. She has no recognised expertise in any of the areas in which she expresses an opinion.” In April the Cass Report gave a veneer of scientific legitimacy to the GC movement’s various claims. Both Labour and the Conservatives used the report as justification to prevent trans children from accessing puberty blockers (which, contrary to popular myth, do not prevent puberty but, rather, delay its onset). Cis children are still given access. The report was swiftly rejected by medical bodies around the world. The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Endocrine Society said, in a joint statement, “Medical evidence, not politics, should inform treatment decisions”. The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists followed suit. The British Medical Association called Cass’ claims “unsubstantiated”. I’d argue the report was largely debunked by a Yale School of Medicine review.

15 September 2024

[bloomshroomz]

Tumblr is still actively endorsing transphobia on this website. Reblog the fuck out of this.

Tumblr got back to me about a report for once... Just to tell me that the blatant transphobia I reported "does not violate community guidelines."

These are the posts which Tumblr staff decided should be kept on the platform, with screenshots.

Also, I apologize in advance for censoring the usernames of the transphobes in the screenshots. Tumblr does absolutely nothing to protect its trans users, so I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up getting in trouble instead, just for including their usernames. I will mention, however, that every transphobe had transphobic dogwhistles in their usernames and/or bio. Transphobes are not difficult to spot. Staff are just apathetic at best, and actively transphobic at worst.

Exhibit A: A post in which someone repeatedly and explicitly misgenders trans women, fearmongers about "trans ideology," uses transphobic dogwhistles, and denies the existence of transmisogyny. This isn't even the full post; it was an incredibly long transphobic tangent. The comments were full of transphobes as well. None of them were banned. Tumblr staff think this is okay.

Exhibit B: A post in which someone delights in the idea of a trans person hurting themselves by "ripping at their surgery scars," with additional ableist undertones. Not a hypothetical trans person either; a real individual trans person. She was not banned.

Exhibit C: A post in which a self-proclaimed TERF refers to consensual gender affirming surgeries as "forced surgeries" and frames trans people as "Nazis and fascists" just for trying to become comfortable in our own bodies. She did this in direct response to trans people celebrating their own surgeries. She was not banned.

Exhibit D: A post in which someone says "transgenderism is erasing women" and blames the existence of misgendering and degendering on trans people, as if we aren't also hurt by those things frequently. She also said that trans women are "not women" in comments on her own post. She was not banned.

Exhibit E: A post in which someone engages in a blatant form of Holocaust denial, by saying trans transgender and queer people "were not targeted" (while simultaneously casting doubt on the validity of those identities themselves by putting them in scare quotes). Trans persecution and book burnings are a well documented aspect of the Holocaust. This post was also reblogged by other transphobes. None of them were banned.

@staff care to explain why you think these posts are okay? Would you like to tell us how and why these "don't violate community guidelines"? Did you learn nothing from the lawsuit that happened because of transphobia among staff? After everything that has happened, why is there still nothing being done about the rampant transphobia on this website?

Just curious.

Also, in case I get banned or this post gets deleted, here's an archived version of my post. Keep it tucked away somewhere.

[postcardsfromspace]

An Open Letter to New York Times Subscribers

Hello,

I am writing to encourage you to cancel your subscription to the New York Times, in light of their consistently aggressively biased, irresponsible, and shoddy reporting on trans issues and stacking of their op-ed section with transphobic voices.

This is not a new problem, but it's one that the NYT has compounded and doubled down on over the last few years. The open letter published yesterday is a remarkably civil overview of the issues with their reporting and the material harm that reporting has done; it doesn't even touch on the op-ed stuff, which is absolutely vile. The NYT's official response was to dismiss the signatories--including hundreds of NYT contributors and thousands of readers and other media professionals (including me)--as "activists" working at odds with the NYT's nominal goal of journalistic integrity. The next day--today--they headlined their op-ed section with a defense of J.K. Rowling, who has done more to misinform and stoke the fires of transphobia--in both practice and official policy--than any other public figure, comparing her "persecution"--being correctly identified as transphobic--to that experienced by Salman Rushdie, and repeatedly misgendering trans men as women.

As a former journalist, I consider the NYT's reporting on trans issues unconscionable; as a trans person, I find it incredibly scary. NYT articles--ones misreported to an extent that has triggered open criticism from major medical organizations--have been used to justify some of the most aggressive anti-trans legislation this and last season. That the "paper of record" has decided to advocate for our dehumanization puts the dignity and lives of people like me in active jeopardy, and regardless the quality of their other work, I don't think there's a conscionable way to continue to support them. Yours, Jay Edidin

[ms-demeanor]

hello! sorry to bother w this but im sort of desperate at this point. given your post about school abuse: so like. i had a similar experience and i thought that i had sorted my brain out. BUT. big but. now im trans and every time i have to correct people w/ misgender or come out to people that i dont already know their opinion on the issue, i get an anxiety attack that makes me unable to do it. ive told many therapists and no one so far has understood why im terrified of making stuff that other people can perceive as me being difficult to work with. would you have *any* advice? thanks!

Okay so first of all it is totally valid to feel that way; that isn't an irrational response, that is your body and brain going "!!!! I have learned this lesson before!" But just because it's a sensible response doesn't mean it's functional in the long term, which is why it needs to be addressed (which I'm sure you already know, I'm just explaining for people in the back).

So now here is some meandering advice:

Spend time with people you already know you can trust. It's okay to take a break from new people and situations (as much as is possible) when you are processing traumatic events and learning to care for yourself. Spending time with people who you don't have to come out to, who don't misgender you, can help you normalize being out and correctly gendered to yourself.

Recognize that you don't have to be out to everyone and some assholes aren't worth it. This is going to depend some on the context, but you don't owe everybody an explanation for yourself and if people repeatedly misgender you after being corrected you may just be better off not spending time around those people.

Loop in trusted people in low-stakes ways. If you get the sense that someone who you think is pretty safe has misgendered you on accident, it might still feel too intimidating to correct them in person but it might be a good idea to follow up with text or a call or a message to say "hey, just FYI, I think I heard you use a/b pronouns for me earlier, I just wanted to let you know that I use c/d pronouns. Did you want to meet up again next week?" the breakdown on why I think this is effective is - Distance means you're safe - nonthreatening "FYI" means you aren't saying "I'm offended" and assumes good faith from the other person - feels less accusatory (not that you need to tone police yourself, but if you're trying to lower the stress level overall then assuming it was a mistake and letting them know you don't think it was on purpose should reduce the overall tension) - request to meet up again or topic switch to something lighter once again says "I'm not mad, that was just regular information, we can now return to our scheduled programming"

I think that, generally speaking, this is also a decent way to come out to people if you're nervous; physically remote and emotionally casual can be a good place to work from (even if you're actually panicking in your head but you can pull off casual in a written message)

Find (or create) a space where people are 100% going to support you. If you need to create a discord server, if you need to schedule a regular coffee date with trusted friends or family members, whatever it is, give yourself a space where you are unconditionally supported and can have people to bounce ideas and concerns off of. Even if it's just you and one other person, it's good to know you have *someone* who you can say "I think I want to tell this other person to use my pronouns but it's scary" to and know that you're not at risk in any way. I'd say try to make sure that you're still interacting with people outside of that space, but have a space to retreat to where you can just drop the worry.

Recognize that somebody else's problem is not a reflection of you. If you have, for instance, a coworker who is being a piece of shit and refusing to recognize your gender, that is not a reflection of your gender that is a reflection of them being a piece of shit. If there is a classmate or a sibling who uses the wrong pronouns after being corrected that doesn't mean you're not entitled to your pronouns that means they are being a piece of shit. Some people are just not going to accept you and that's on them. Try to minimize your time spent with them and if you have to spend time with them at work take steps to ensure your safety, but don't fight losing battles with assholes.

It really is legitimately scary. You have good reasons to be scared and you are doing a very frightening thing (and not to do the meme thing but you are legitimately being so brave about it; the fact that you are reaching out and asking anyone for help, including randos on the internet, means that you are taking steps to doing the scary thing and that is SO GOOD and I'm really proud of you for making the effort in spite of the fear).

Here is some less meandering advice:

Practice. Talk to yourself in the mirror, practice with friends, practice with your therapist. Practice coming out to yourself in a casual way. Practice correcting your pronouns. Practice an introduction for yourself that explains the information you want to give to new people you might meet. Get it down to a quick little patter, get it to be something that's easy to say to yourself in the mirror first, then try it with friends for practice, then try it around the safer people you might want to give the information to. It'll get easier as you go.

Look for a local support group (or an online support group). If there's a local LGBTQ+ center you should see if they've got events going on or a support group you can join or workshops or any manner of social thing where you can go interact with people who have been through similar stuff.

Journal. Each time you find yourself frightened of talking to someone about your gender, do what you need to to get through the day and then sit down and think about that interaction. Write down what happened, write down what you were thinking. Was there something in particular that made you anxious? Is it something you can practice addressing? Was there something you noticed about the person that made you uncomfortable? Is that a common thread in the times you have trouble talking about this? If you're able to narrow down specifically what is making it hard to speak to some people that might make it easier to explain to therapists but will also make it more actionable for you.

Here's some very optimistic advice:

If at all possible find a friend who will be rabid and unflinching in their support for you and hang out with them around new people. Get yourself an attack dog copilot who will cheerfully step up and make corrections for you. I know not everyone can do this and I know that if you can find someone like this they can't be around all the time, but it can be wonderfully reassuring to find that one person who you know is going to be ride or die about making sure that everyone in the room respects you. (Being that person for someone else can also teach you how to be that person for you)