#Richard son of a bitch so sexy

[cherrylush117]

With that cute face, it doesn't look like he could stab you... But if he would, baby

[ellethespaceunicorn]

Share ten different favorite characters from ten different pieces of media in no particular order, then send this to 10 people (anon or not, your choice) 🎥🎬📺

These are going to be in no particular order because if there is anything I hate, it's rating my faves or comparing them to each other.

*~*~*~*~*

Geralt of Rivia - Multiple pieces of media

I first saw him in The Witcher series, then played The Witcher 3, then started reading the books. I am definitely obsessed with this man. And if I write too much on Geralt, I'm libel to make headcanons or maybe even an entire fic on just Geralt's hair or the way his eyes seem to glow under moonlight. See? Obsession. He is also my comfort character. I go to sleep and imagine running in the woods to this man. What the actual fuck?

Walter Marshall - Night Hunter (2018)

Seeing as how I am currently writing fic about this man, I think it goes to show this is a well-crafted yet moldable character and he can do no wrong in my opinion. Unless he dates Rachel, that's wrong in my opinion. She doesn't even have a last name.

Joel Miller - The Last of Us Games, The Last of Us series

Now I would be remiss to not mention Pedro's portrayal of Joel Miller (and that it solidified his status a my cool slutty daddy). But I must talk about how Troy Baker's voice in the game gave me strong Daddy vibes and gave me my second crush on a video game character after Lara Croft when I was a kid.

Ethan Hunt - Mission Impossible films (1996-Present)

If you know me, you know I have seen every Mission Impossible film since the first came out when I was 9. I was, and will most likely always be, obsessed with these movies. I love the heart-stopping action moments, the raw emotions, and I really like when Tom Cruise almost dies in every movie.

Peter Parker - Multiple pieces of media but I will focus on the films

In 2002, I was 15 and liked the older man that was Tobey Maguire (I was a superfan of his and of Peter). I had a Spider-man trapper keeper for goodness sake! In 2012, I was 25 and I was crushing on Andrew Garfield as a contemporary, someone in my age group. In 2017, I was turning 30 and had a crush on what, to me, seemed like a little boy in Tom Holland (he was over 18 but still). Either way, when asked what my favorite superhero is, I always say Spider-Man.

Bernadine Harris - Waiting to Exhale (1995)

I was 8 when this movie came out and my Momma let me watch it with her. Little did I know, my mother was ready to divorce my cheating father. This character spoke to me and continues to speak to me. I still see my Momma when I watch this movie. She was so badass. And so sexy.

Olaf - Frozen films

Fun fact: I used to collect snowman figurines and snow globes. Knowing this, my young niece made me watch the first film. Josh Gad as an inept snowman who loves the idea of summer is so fucking dramatic that I watched this movie on my own plenty of times. I love him so much and I just wanted to cuddle him.

Castiel - Supernatural (2005-2020)

I started watching Supernatural by watching the live airing of Simon Said, the worst episode of the series some would say. But I stuck around. I wanted to see what the kids on LiveJournal were so excited about. Cue season 4 and this son of a bitch just waltzes in with his wings and his coat and his chapped lips that, to this day, have never seen any moisture. And I fell in love. Fun fact: my dad named his dog Castiel.

Frank Reynolds (but specifically as Ongo Goblogian) - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I have artwork in my bedroom over my nightstand of Ongo. This entire episode was gold to me. It was early season 8, I believe. Charlie was doing a Richard Grieco thing, Dennis was trying to get his erotic memoirs made into a Fifty Shades of Grey type thing. Mac was in the duster. Dee was in a smut film. Just golden. But then Frank was this Andy Warhol-esque art collector just doing the most. It was beautiful.

Louise Belcher - Bob's Burgers series and film

Louise, what can I say about this wonderful human that hasn't already been said? Louise is what I wish trauma didn't take from me. Louise likes to slap beautiful people, as do I. She is confused when she likes a boy, and so am I some of the time. And Louise has her comfort clothing item, her hat. I have my froggy robe and my penguin socks. In the latest season that just ended, it was pretty much confirmed that Louise is non-binary, as am I. My fiancee compares me to Louise on a daily basis and I just smile and tell her she's 100% correct because she is. Louise embodies me when I was 9 years old, right before childhood trauma took all of that away and replaced it with an old curmudgeon. I love my sweet Louise and no one can ever tell me that my love is unwarranted.

I would love to tag people to do this, but I know a lot of us are in the same circles LOL. This was too fun!

[hihellogoodbyebruh]

SEASON 4 FINALE BABYYYYY

NOT STARTING OFF WITH COCO’S FUNERAL PLEASE

You know what tho? Letty might get her shit together. I hate it has to come like this but she might do it. I believe in her.

Angel can’t even go to the site because he FUCKED. COCO’S. DAUGHTER. Omg every time I remember I’m pissed off again

They didn’t deserve him. You’re so right Letty. He was the best of them and now he’s gone. Damn we really gotta say goodbye. Imma miss tf outta Richard on this show. He brought such depth to Coco. He was phenomenal.

TIG!! MY PSYCHO LOVE!! WAIT NOT HIM ABOUT TO KILL OL’ BOY

And not the Nurse coming in

$80,000?! FOR ONE JOB???

WAIT I KNEW IT

DONT. EVER. THREATEN. EZ.

Zeke is dead and gone yall. He gone. This is EZ through and through. This some cold-blooded shit right here.

EZ you should at least give the girls the money. Like they ain’t do nothing

NOT MANNY MEETING WITH THEM. JESS FINNA SET THEM UP. PLEASEEEEE NOT MY BABYYYYYYY

OH GOD THE SONS ARE HERE

I’ve missed Tig a lot actually. It has been so nice seeing him. I’m gonna take “sexy and bad” as a reference to Venus. Her and Tig are still together because I say so.

Oooo Marcus finding out that they killed Montez and they got a snitch in the clubhouse. Shit finna get realllllll

Creeper don’t even talk to her. It’s a waste of time. Shiiiiittttt she do got all your tea

AND SHE TOLD HIM THERE’S A RAT IN SANTO PADRE

i want that bitch DEAD. YA HEAR ME? KATIE IS DONE. KEEP COCO’S NAME OUT YO MOUTH

Louie is botching it but his heart is in the right place and this is really fucking nice. I think the car is really cute.

Padrino says it’s 3 to 1 and EZ says “more of them to kill”….WHATS NOT CLICKING EZEKIEL????

They’re staging a coup. I said Padrino would always have my respect but they were gonna dethrone or murk him.

Wait Adelita killed him?? How’d she get involved??

Emily been playing secret spy all season and it’s all been for NOTHING. Miguel got himself back together and got his son back so quick. I can’t stop laughing omg 😂😂😂😂

And no, I do not care that Erin is dead. Me and Holland have beef since the Teen Wolf years so I never cared about the character. I’m sure Emily will plan some way to avenge her next season but for now Miguel is winning and I am LIVING

Sofia throwing up and shit….guess we finna find out if she can really hang

NOT LIKE THIS!!! AND NOT BY FUCKING ISAAC DUDE. THEY FINNA BURN HIM??!!??!!!!

HE DOESNT DESERVE THIS!!

ELGIN WHEN I FIND YOU

Letty went and got Hope!! Okay that makes me feel better. That’s really nice. The women sticking together and I’m so damn proud of Letty! I KNEW SHE COULD! I just hope that Hope doesn’t run when things get hard again because they will and Letty is still growing. And so is she.

“We have that in common” You are yo Daddy son. DUH!

We finna lose Pops too?? He might as well tell the truth.

SECRET’S OUT LETS GOOOOOOOO

He finna killswitch????

Angel has a SON. He don’t wanna do this shit. What a fucked position to be in. But has he even told EZ about the baby yet??

EZ is out of CONTROL. They are so bloodthirsty and FOR WHAT? Y’all started this shit, wouldn’t even let Marcus finish talking because you’re thinking off pure emotion.

Y’all finna burn this club to the fucking ground. He is absolutely right. They gon see next season. They gone see.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYONE SEEING THE POWER PLAY FOR WHAT IT IS BUT IT’S TOO LAAAAAATE

Bishop’s face! Angel’s face!

Look at EZ sitting comfortable on the throne and giving a damn State of the Union address. THIS SPEEEEEECH!! HE’S WHACKED

Angel finna have a real tough time next season. Oh boy.

Poor Jay-Jay’s family….I guess this was Sofia proving herself tho. Ez really should give them the money. Some if it. Something.

That Ez and Angel scene was…..I don’t know what to say besides I’m real scared. I’m SO. SCARED. I just wanna repeat again that Ez IS GONE.

Creeper finna SNITCH?! DONT PISS ME OFF.

Oh HE IS TAKING ALL THE HEAT. A REAL MUTHAFUCKA FOR LIFE !!

Ez look a plum fool still on that twin mattress.

I think Angel got the location from Padrino and burned that bitch to the ground.

Wow wow wow y’all done stressed me tf out

See ya next season

[wulfhalls]

#sunne in splendour adaptation when

Saw this tag of yours!

I would absolutely die if "Sunne in splendour" would be adapted.

🤩

pls i would actually go insane!!! 9 episode mini series on hbo with the budget accorded to hbo shows!! just absolute utter richanne brain rot iq eroding insanity!

ep 1-3 exile in flandern if someone as much as thinks about anne neville richard will materialise before them and kill them instantaneously, just all the good shit - torment over missed chances, so much buried and repressed longing!!!!!

4-6 my brother george is hiding the love of my life from me because he's a CUNT!!, I'm going insane im losing my mind I haven't eaten in 2 weeks I can't sleep all I do is look for her if so much as a hair on her head has been hurt i will kill george and then myself (hard cut to anne in some dingy Inn almost dying of consumption 😭😭) then happy reunion scene (last half of ep 6 is just them talking) -> marriage proposal

7-9 marital bliss nothing bad happens everyday is the happiest of their lives their son is happy and healthy and everything is going well 😊 (NEVER said I want a faithful adaptation </3

(also maybe one big battle in each section? idk I'm thinking like u almost need mortimers cross for the whole sunne in splendour motive alone, Wakefield obviously, towton for the sheer scale of carnage, Barnet cause we lost warwick there rip king of flip flopping <33, tewksbury prob too and Bosworth didn't happen in this so we're good there <33 so OK maybe more than 3 battles but we have an hbo budget so it's probably fine also random aside but I need sexi eyepatch guy from the spanish princess to play my Duke Somerset who was the baddest bitch out there and as we're already disregarding historical accuracy throw in an affair with Margaret of anjou because I love drama hdhdhd)

[mollyolikeme]

Any Way The Wind Blows SPOILERS

Okay. Here are my ramblings in no particular order. Proceed if you care and/or dare. They a lot.

- I am emo shit. (I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again. Brilliant.)

- Honestly the ‘break up’ is important even though it HURTS

- Holding the wand together. I CRY. Knocking foreheads. STAP.

-The first real snowbaz conversation during the make-up. Was just …......… FAN-TAST-TIC. Just real conversation and being patient and listening. Like they were both being so SOFT and UGH!

- Fuck yes the emotional intimacy!

- The first night in bed… like simons trauma and love and how they interact and how he can’t cross the lines right away but wants to and he’s just trying to process NEVER having to ever make a decision for himself and think about his own emotions in his life. Boy thought he was never gonna grow up. He thought he was gonna be dead! UGH. He just. Can’t handle the emotions and I FUCKING RELATE!

- SNOWBAZ MAKING OUT. GIMME MORE.

- Snowbaz hunting that first time and the conversation about simons sexuality (no label!) and further talking about how Simon thought (but really never thought!) about his relationship with Agatha

- The fact Simon wanted to JUMP ON baz and never thought past that

- Simon telling baz he would let him drink him. Yup. Good boy. Good bois.

- The mutual OBSESSION they have for each other!

- NANDOS! Yes sir.

- Penny and Shepard. Penny and Shepard. Penny and Shepard.

- Penelope deserves SO much. She is such an amazing friend/family to Simon AND to baz. Ugh their LOVE for each other.

- I think Shepard is v good for her

- YES bitch get him out of that engagement!

- Shep reaching slowly for penny and then penny just moving his hand to reach her cheek. I CAN NOT!

- KISS HIM! You go Penny! GET. IT.

- DOMESTIC SNOWBAZ DOMESTIC SNOWBAZ DOMESTIC SNOWBAZ

- IKEA trip. Just get out. That’s my dream for them.

- MORE KISSING. KEEP KISSING. I LIVE FOR IT.

- every damn time Snowbaz goes to lady Ruth Salisbury’s. I love it!

- I love lady Ruth! Like YES grandmama you are an open minded and smart powerful woman!

- SNOWBAZ MAKING OUT AT WATFORD! DO IT AGAIN!

- TEAM SOLVING PROBLEMS! YES TEAM.

- Smith smith Richards can accept my foot in his ass. I agree with Baz’s reactions. Like yes son.

- I get simons too honestly. For him as a character, as the guy that he is, ya know.

- Smith smith is a HILARIOUS and TERRIBLE name.

- LOL. What a scammer though eh?

- CULTS! Why is it ALWAYS cults these days!!!

- The whole bring the magic up and then burn it out thing smith does. Like fuck you. Why do you think your special because you made up a new spell?! Lots of people do that!

- The kind of first time?!?!?!?!?!!?!?! MY PRECIOUS BOYS. YOU DESERVE THAT AND MORE IM SO HAPPY!

- Fuckin GET. IT.

- The conversations the communication! KEEP IT UP MY GUYS!

- They just love each other so COMPLETELY. Despite everything and especially INCLUDING each other’s ‘flaws’ (I weep with joy for it)

- Honestly the Britishism’s in this book were prime!

- GETTIN THE TEAM BACK TOGETHER! Legit gives me ENERGY!

- GREAT Watford action. Simon being Simon like ‘nope imma lie to keep my people safe’

- His people then being pissed at him. lol yup

- Fuck you smith you deserve to be embarrassed by Simon!

- You look like a fool because you ARE a FOOL!

- GO PIPPA! Spell em like you see em! LIAR!

- KAY. The character growth for all of our mains …….. you guys I caaaaaant, stop it! (Don’t ever stop. Keep improving yourselves you guys are magical beauty’s)

-omg and AGATHA. girl you get your fucking story how you like it. this is about you now! your life is your life and you get to do what you want with it! Herd goats and just chill! uhuh uhuh!

- WERK HEADMISTRESS BUNCE. YOU ARE QUEEN AND YOU ARE SMARTER THAN EVERYONE!

- Simons true nature just being protective boy to people who are assholes to him. Yes sir you are too precious.

- V interesting that rainbow gave us an open ended thing with smith. Like at least somewhat. I’m assuming the coven will be like ‘yea you are a fraud and we will not have you around people anymore’ but also she leaves it with him still being delusional and like ‘I chosen one. Uhuh dat me’ … ya fuckin’ knob. You aren’t it Smith!

- ALSO WOAH WOAH WOAH! On the MF SLY Nico (good for Fiona. Marry your angry boy. You deserve it. Whatever it is.) being like ‘you can’t be immortal only drinking animals’………………

- IM SORRY!

- That is a BOMB!

- WHAT. WUT.

- OUR BOYS CAN LIVE AND DIE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!?!?!? You are fucking kidding me! THAT IS ALL I EVER WANT IN MY LYFE! (Healing healing healing emotional healing)

- Beautiful addition with the Excalibur sword to give us the Simon Salisbury reveal. Just Beautiful. Thank you thank you thank you Rainbow. I think that is exactly as we need it. Like obviously a lot for Simon to work through. And he and baz LITERALLY have that conversation (‘it’s too much.’ ‘It would be too much for anyone’) I REALLY appreciate that scenario as the reveal. Like Ruth already knows all the important things about Simon and now they can just be a supportive and CONSISTENT presence in his life. BAWLING IM BAWLING.

- And Simon has his sword!!!! Yes boy! You look good with it! Baz thinks you’re Hot! Because you ARE!

- THESE BOYS ARE HANDSOME! WE ALL WISH!

- Okay but also the moment it hits Simon (and baz) that he killed his father…… noooooooo. POOR THING. (Crying real tears. Crying real tears in the park reading. It’s true.)

- HE WAS NEVER YOUR FATHER SIMON! NOT REALLY!

- ROSEBUD BOY!

- Yes that is the pet name and henceforth will be the ONLY pet name! (Actually baz should keep saying love because I SWOON)

- my thoughts are Simon is gonna keep his wings.

- Like he likes them and so does baz and honestly everyone does. I actually love that every time anyone who is important to Simon thinks about him without his wings they get a bit sad about it.

- I think he’ll keep them.

- I like that they left things with the nownext like….. those Vegas vamps will probably fucking kill them, let’s not get involved. And then literally didn’t talk about it. HA. (Fair enough. Not their problem.)

- Our baby’s get normal lives now!

- Like normal for them

- But they get to GO ON! ITS AMAZING!

- AH IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM!

- HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

- Penny and shep are getting his passport and moving to LONDON! They gone be cute cute cute together and it’s LOVELY

- SIMON AND BAZ LIVING TOGETHER FOREVER!

- MY BOYS (crying crying crying crying crying)

- I can just picture Simon doing Sunday night dinners at the Salisbury’s and coming home with HEAPS of take home leftovers for his week because grandmother Salisbury would NEVER let him leave without it

- He’s got an uncle! And probably/maybe cousins!? Sweet baby aaaaaahhhhhhh!

- Daphne at home again. THANK HEAVENS!

- I really enjoy that baz calls her mum. I think it’s so soft and important on so many levels because she did raise him.

- BAZ DRESSING SIMON! COME. ON.

- I CANT HANDLE ALL THIS BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR THAT I AM CONSUMING! IT. IS. PERFECT. I AM EATING IT UP.

- every time each of them comments on how sexy the other is.

- Simon thinking about Baz keeping his wand in a holster on his wrist. And it being dead sexy without his shirt on. FUCK. ME.

- Okay okay okay but MORE physical intimacy!!!!

- Like Clothes. Get rid of em. Don’t need em. Confident with where things are going. Check. Communicating consent and checking in. Fuck yes check. Sexy sexy sexy. Check. Kissing kissing kissing. Check. (I’m dying just about here) (get it my sons)

- What does Simon say? Just like ‘do you trust me’ ‘yes’ ‘can I touch you’ ‘yes’

- I. HAVE. DIED.

- (I’m dead)

- (Me being dead) AAAAAHHHH

- I LOVE the on going ‘is this what people do?’

- That makes me feel so many things.

- FUCK

- Simons like ‘we just get to keeping trying and working and being close and trying and working and making each other happy’

- I WEEP!

- These. Boys. Have. My. Heart.

- They have it they have it they have it they have it

- UGH

- okay better leave it there. I need to READ. THIS. AGAIN.

- LOVE ❤️

[phoebehalliwell]

i think one of the other times that charmed (in my opinion) dropped the ball was with christie. making christie half of the big bad they were meant to defeat was a choice and not a good one. the implications of taking a character was abducted as A CHILD and brainwashed into believing the sisters were evil and then instead of oh i don't know redeeming her in the end have her own sister kill her was just fucked up in every way

fr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fr billie INCINERATED her OWN SISTER!!! they made her do that!!!!!!!!!????????? what the fuck????? they like. like. they like. What were they trying to do there. it's like the same thing with richard like i get it's conflict but like genuinely what is the fucking point. like. like if you want to do shady double agent shure i get that it can be fun n sexy bestie behavior one minute and then evil conniving the next. but like. not with a child soldier??? like christy is constantly manipulated and it's like oh she didn't accept us as her home and safety in one week after being psychologically tortured for two decades. lucy liu screencap tear the bitch apart!!!!!!!!!!! like??? i mean they didn't even bother to make her truly evil she was doing all this to protect billie to protect her little sister AND THEN SHE WAS BURNED ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. unbelievable. imo tho. i do think the writers were biting off way more than they could chew with girl who was raised by demons after being kidnapped at age nine and now she's like. twenty three. that is way too complex to like. like if you're really gonna dig into the meat of the matter and flesh out exactly what life was for her than you could literally make her kind of her own little ya protagonist like. i'm spitballing but like. she's kidnapped from a very young age and like i remember being that young i was still kinda a spitfire so she's like no no no i gotta get home idk bc this is the triad's doing but they're trying to stay very severed from the operation so they're having some lame ass demon tribe take care of it but like they're not really. it's very much we have kidnapped you now it's time to learn to use your powers for violence like this kid would Not be game and she'd probably try to escape a whole bunch so the triad are like okay shift gears so they get a figure like cole's mom (or it could straight up be cole's mom if we feel so inclined) with a son born from a human so he looks human so she’s already raising one magical powerful kid (who could also end up later being a love interest for christy) and she like. goes to the demon clan and sees how christy's being treated and is like what the fuck is wrong w u and vanquishes all them and is like hi little christy are you okay like were those guys being evil and mean come w me which would be a move strategically done by the triad to tie up all the loose ends of that fail demon clan and also position our demon mom demom as an ally. so christy goes to live with her in her like little demon manor ideally still in the underworld and demom's like so how did you get here are you alright and christy's like i was kidnapped!! they took me away from my family!! and demom's like okay well let's get u back to ur family and they go but oh what's this?? the jenkins family is actually So Much Better Off!! oh no! they look happier without you :( is it because they were afraid of your powers, afraid of you, afraid of something they couldn't understand? no matter, let's go ring the doorbell. oh what's that? u don't want 2 :( aww that's so sad. well, i guess... no, it's just a silly offer really...... but.... if u want.... u can stay w me in my hella nice rich person house and learn how to hone your powers at your own pace not like the killing machine those demons tried to force you to be but instead lived under my protection someone who is not scared of u and who only has your best intentions at heart..... bonus round if billie has a burn scar from christy accidentally lighting her on fire, some extra trauma. so christy is raised basically as demon royalty idk give her some background relationships oh so bonus points if the charmed ones vanquish demom that gives her motive against but just friends and allies in the underworld and when she finds billie again billie's like. let's say in the demon mansion like rooting around because these people took my sister when christy confronts her like hey bitch better gtfoutta my house and billie's like fight!!! and they go toe to toe for a good scene til something happens and billie's burn scar is revealed and christy realizes it's her baby sister and immediately like. complete shift. vulnerability immediately and billie's like what the fuck until christy says her full name (wilhelmina? do u think? willow? elizabeth? middle name something like. outta left field a maiden name like buchanan or rochester) and it's just like. sisters<3. but then there's conflict because hey you were happier without me and billie's like no?? no we were fucking not omg why would you think that?? and christy's like no i saw you and billie's like no that must have been a lie demons lie that woman who raised you she was evil she was the worst of the worst and christy's like hey like you know wait because she was my family she was all i had and she loved me (& for what it's worth, i think she did) so there's this conflict of the world christy knows which is filled with deception but real emotion versus the world outside which is true but is so empty to her. but this is s8 we're phoning it in we're not doing all that. which, then, of course, leaves you w the other alternative of she escaped from the demons very young and has been living like the early seasons of supernatural constantly on the run outside the law fighting forces she doesn't understand with two fist fire and a kickass attitude and then she reunites with billie and there's like of a more interpersonal conflict because billie's grown into a much more independent individual and she's already hella powerful and honestly seems to know more about the craft than christy but christy's being doing this a lot longer and she's survived a hell of a lot worse so there's no way she's gonna let her little kid sister but herself in harms way and billie's like no stop trying to baby me like i can handle myself and christy's like no not a goddamn chance in hell. the reason they're the "key" to the ultimate power is bc it can only be held by one. the other dies to grant the person that ability. that is why they never bothered to take both sisters. instead they put a marker of death on billie, something they now have to both fight to remove

[bailwhoreganaxoxo]

what they would bring to a white elephant gift exchange: sons of anarchy pt 2

tig trager: eggnong flavored lube

juice ortiz: one of those sexy men in kilts calendars but he photoshopped chibs face onto every single month

chibs telford: one of those kitchen aprons that make you look like a woman with really big tits

clay morrow:  the trump toilet cleaner brush

wayne unser: the dunkin donuts flavored beers 12 pack

ratboy skogstrom: a 6 month subscription to tinder plus

nero padilla: the richard simmons work out box set

happy lowman: evermore on cd and vinyl so these bitches can get some better music taste

[detective-with-one-arm]

💭 - your choice

Simon

Vanilla!Rachel & Android!Simon

I love him. I love him so much. I could watch him smile forever. I could kiss his face for hours if he'd let me. I'd kill and die for him. I'd go to the ends of the world for him. I'd do anything if it meant making a better world for him to live in. I don't ever want to be without him. I want to spend the rest of my life by his side.

Vanilla!Rachel & Mer!Simon

He's so cute and so sweet. It's kinda nice having someone like him in the tank with everyone. He's more like me. And it's fun having someone I can tease and play with myself. Plus, he gives nice hugs and it's nice sleeping next to him.

Aquarium Siren!Rachel & Android!Simon

He's my friend! He understands me! He sees me! I don't have to pretend around him and he wants to stay with me. He makes me happy and I want to make him happy, too. I want to see him every day!

Delinquent!Rachel & Undercover Cop!Simon

He's got guts. I'd like to see him again. He's very fun to play with and tease. Cute, too! Wonder what he does for a day job.

Demon!Rachel & Fallen Angel!Simon

I hate him. I love him. I love fucking him. I love being fucked by him. He makes me confused. He makes me scared. He sets me on fire. I never want to be without him. I don't ever want to go back to a life without him. I don't care about anything else but him. I just want him. He's my angel and I'm his demon. God's not getting him back and I'm not Lucifer's bitch.

Yandere!Rachel & Homeless Human!Simon

He'll understand. Even if he never loves me, he will understand that I am the only one who can protect him. I'm the only one who can provide him everything he needs. He'll see. He'll see that the world is horrible and that I rescued from it. And he'll see that I love him. I love him more than anything and that I would kill and die for him if it meant protecting him from the world that's hurt and tortured him his whole life.

Naga!Rachel & Homeless Human!Simon

Men are cruel. I've seen it. To women, children, and other men. Though...it's not always men. Nevertheless, I've seen his wounds before. Less frequently, though it breaks my heart to see them at all. That as much as the world progresses and improves, some parts remain the same. And it saddens me that it's the uglier parts. But, my home is a safe haven for people like him. So, Simon has a home with me. With my people.

Guardian Angel!Rachel & Homeless Human!Simon

Poor thing...he was done so wrong in his life. But I'll be there for him. I'll help him find his own wings and soar. I'll be his guiding light. His star in the night. His friend...his home. Until he's strong enough to live without me...

Hybrid!Rachel & Hybrid!Simon

A bit odd, but a chill dude. Not as creepy as some of the predators I've met and not as aggro as some of the large prey I've met. I trust him. Hope he gets by okay.

Werewolf!Rachel & Vampire!Simon

He's sweet. And kind. And gentle. And so compassionate. I don't think I've ever met a vampire as nice as him and I'm not letting him go. He's my mate and part of my pack, now, and we've gotta look out for each other. And I love him. Wish he wouldn't pretend to throw the stick or film me in the bathtub, though...even though it is really funny.

Vampire!Rachel & Vampire!Simon

Respectable and understanding of the symbiotic relationship between humans and vampires. A true gentleman and a responsible sort. A worthy vampire. Though, I wished he had been more honest about his feelings, I'm so happy that he is honest, now. It was painful living knowing that he'd been neglected for so long. He deserves to be loved as fervently as the others.

Markus

Vanilla!Rachel & Android!Markus

I used to think of him as above me. Not as a person, but as some sort of judge. A vector for my sense of justice and morality and how that connected to my sense of self. I was so sure I was unworthy of even standing next to him. But now...? I can't imagine doing what I do without him by my side. No matter what, we do everything together. We're partners. And...I love him. For who he is. For everything that makes him...Markus.

Vanilla!Rachel & Pagan God!Markus

I never thought that praying to the void would actually get me an answer. But...weirdly enough, knowing that gods are real brings me a sense of peace. And that one is on my side and genuinely believes in me and wants to help is...nice. It's nice knowing some part of the universe has my back. So, I wanna have his. It's only fair. Besides, he makes for good company and a good houseguest. Easy on the eyes, too, so long as he doesn't break my brain. I think we could be good friends.

Vanilla!Rachel & Mer!Markus

I trust him with my life. He protected me. Kept me safe. Made sure I knew that nobody would hurt me as long as he was around and made sure that the others knew not to hurt me. And made sure I knew I was safe around him. And he's so gentle...so affectionate and loving. I'm gonna miss him whenever we get the hell out of this tank...

RK800!Rachel & Human Detective!Markus

I find him...peculiar. And fascinating. His curiosity and inquisitiveness is infectious, I think. He holds my attention. And he's kind. And...sincere, I think. I like him. Detective Manfred is a good man and a good detective and I value him as a partner. I like working with him and I hope I will be granted more opportunities to expand our professional and personal relationship.

Hybrid!Rachel & Hybrid!Markus

Smug son of a bitch thinks he can get in my pants with a cute little smirk and a playful charming personality and a sensitive artist persona and a sexy voice...well he can, and I'm mad about it. It's not fucking fair.

Naga!Rachel & Naga!Markus

He thinks he can fool me with his innocent act. He seems sincere, but I will not be fooled again by a naga who means to take that which I have guarded for centuries. We will see his true motives soon enough. If his heart truly is pure...he will likely move on and never see this place again...he is a traveler, after all.

Werewolf!Rachel & Werewolf!Markus

He's not an alpha, I don't think. But I feel like I would follow him wherever he went. Like I would do whatever he ordered me to. I don't know why, but I feel like I can trust him. He fought alongside me and didn't even expect a reward. I want to know him. To be close with him. I...I want to be a part of his pack.

Frontier!Rachel & Frontier!Markus

Mister Manfred is a good man. A bit cocky and polished, but a good man. Hard worker. Good craftsmanship. Sheriff Anderson's taken quite a liking to him and he stays for dinner a lot. Can't help but feel like maybe I'm letting him get too friendly with me. I can't say the competition's very appealing, though. Besides...he makes for good company. And he's a kind man. A very kind man...I hope he knows how to protect himself out on the streets.

Leo

Vanilla!Rachel & Mer!Leo

He's very sweet, but he's kinda intimidating. Though, it's not his fault and he's super gentle and careful with me. With everyone, actually. Which I really appreciate. Besides, even if he doesn't think so, he's nice to cuddle, too. And a very kissable face.

Trans!Rachel (Richard) & Human!Leo

I love him. I love him so much. I still feel so shitty that I didn't tell him I was a cop...I should have. But he still gave me another chance. He still let me in. I won't make him regret it. I swear. I'll be everything he deserves to have in a partner. He's too good for anything less from me.

Guardian Angel!Trans!Rachel (Richard) & Demon!Leo

I don't know how. I don't know why. But, this charming demon is my charge. I will never truly understand the will of God, but none ever will. Not even us angels. And if God wills it so, who am I to argue? Especially if it means I can be myself without having to disguise what I am. And I've never met a demon so sweet and so kind. Perhaps now I understand how others fell in love with Lucifer. There is a certain...beauty to demons I didn't see, before.

Elijah

Vanilla!Rachel & Human!Elijah Kamski

How in the everloving fuck did I manage to land a multi-million dollar deal beta testing a line of androids specifically catering to monsterfuckers like me? How? ¿Como? Cum? Someone explain when my life got so fucking weird that I am now collaborating with a fucking tech company trillionaire beta testing his new line of androids SPECIFICALLY for monsterfuckers?! How did this happen????

Daniel

Vampire!Rachel & Vampire!Daniel

Unlike his brother, Daniel is...frustrating. He is archaic, dogmatic, and difficult to tolerate at times. But...I also understand where his beliefs come from and being forced to share residence with what is essentially food that he is not allowed to eat must be frustrating to him. But all he needs is...proper discipline. And attention. And...affection. I do care about him...deeply. I want him to prosper and be comfortable here. I want him to be happy. I want him to feel as though my manor is a home, not just somewhere where he is a guest. And I hope I can achieve that with him, somehow.

Alma

Vanilla!Rachel & Vanilla!Alma

I care about him. I care about him more than anything. I cared about him before. I like him. I like him a lot. He tries to hard to learn, but he's actually a really good learner. It makes me upset that he seems so afraid of failing. He won't say it or act like it, but I can feel it. The hesitance and even preemptive recoiling as though him messing up will bring him pain. But now that I understand where it comes from...I just want to protect him. I want him to know how much he means to me. How much I see in him. How much I care about and appreciate him for who he is. The man who looks up at the sky and maps stars in his silver eyes. The man who always asks questions and wants to know more than he already knows. The man with an insatiable curiosity and a kind heart. The man who will hear me rattle on about whatever random thing just because he likes hearing me talk about it and likes learning about it. The man who will do the same to me. I...I just wish that everyone he's stuck with at home could see him for who he really is. Not what they wished he was or what they think he is or what they think he's supposed to be. Fucking cunt doesn't deserve her own invention, if you ask me...

Vanilla!Rachel & Mer!Alma

I'll admit, he was kinda scary at first. I couldn't see him and suddenly he was inside me. Didn't even give me a chance to catch my breath or anything or prep me. Then, he looked really scary. But then...he got soft. And cute. And I just wanted more of him. Even now, I look at him, and I just wanna hold him. Let him rest his head on my chest and listen to my heartbeat for a while. He's hot as fuck when he's railing me, but god damn, he's so sweet, too. And cute. It's nice to hold him and kiss him. He makes the best faces. Especially when I mess with his lure.

Alien!Rachel & Space!Alma

He's different. So much different than I could've ever expected. I'd heard reports of the ambassador from Earth from the Congress, before. But...actually meeting him was something else. He isn't even human. He's so different from me, but he feels familiar. Comforting. Like...home, almost. And his interest in my people and our culture is hard not to like. Perhaps I can request that my team visit my planet. I think Alma would like to experience Essek for himself. And I want to show him all my favourite parts of it.

Elianna

Vanilla!Rachel & Android!Elianna

She's so pretty. And confident. And fun. God, I haven't been on a date with a woman in years. I really hope I don't scare her or make her uncomfortable. I wanna get to know her and I can't do that if I fuck up and scare her away before I get the chance to.

Arda

Vanilla!Rachel & Vanilla!Arda

If she's anything like Alma, I think I'll like her. And probably get just as protective and defensive of her as with Alma. I bet making friends with both Alma and her would piss Dr. Chen off. I wonder if Alma's told her about me...

Vanilla!Rachel & Mer!Arda

She's...beautiful. Honestly. And so soft and so sweet. I like just floating around the tank in her arms and sitting on her lap. She's just nice to hold and I like listening to her. She's so gentle and so loving. Also helps that she's really good with her mouth. I could fall asleep floating around on her.

Alien!Rachel & Space!Arda

She's beautiful. She's a lot like Alma. Sort of like hatchmates, I think. Though, they're closer than that. But she's very kind and considerate and I like her. I feel inclined to protect her and defend her, much like Alma. I wonder if she'd like to study the flowers on my planet. She seems the type to enjoy interplanetary botany.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Count Dracula

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

So, in all my time doing Psycho Analysis, there have been a few villainous characters that, while extremely obvious, have such large and daunting scopes that it seems a bit scary to think I could accurately analyze them. Characters like Disney’s Pete or Bowser come to mind. Both are obvious 11s, but where to even begin with them? And that is a similar problem I faced with the villain who is arguably the single most important foe to ever grace fiction: Count Dracula.

How on Earth is one supposed to talk about a character who has spanned so much media and has remained an enduring fixture of pop culture for over a century? The guy has been in movies, comics, books, video games, plays, cartoons, musicals, songs… and he hasn’t even been a villain in all of them! How does one talk about such a villain with such a broad, all-encompassing scope?

The obvious answer is, of course, to talk about him in a broad sense and how he has affected culture, of course! This one’s going to be a little different than usual since I’m focusing more on the concept of Dracula than one single version, so there’s a lot of Dracula’s to go over here:

Performance: Throughout the years, Dracula has had many actors take a shot at him, though I think the finest takes are courtesy of Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee. The former is basically what cemented Dracula as a sexy, Gothic horror icon, changing the far less attractive man from the book into a seductive monster that would color numerous adaptations after. Lee’s take brings the sexy, but is also far more violent and monstrous, mostly because Hammer horror films were all about that bright red blood, so gotta have someone spill it all!

If you’re looking for more flamboyant, hammy Draculas, Richard Roxbourg of Van Helsing and Duncan Regehr of The Monster Squad have you covered, playing Dracula at his most deliciously, monstrously evil. However, the hammiest (and thus most amazing) Dracula was Michael Guinn’s take in Symphony of the Night, with the entire opening exchange between him and Richter Belmont being a testament to the joys of chewing the scenery.

More comedic takes on Dracula have popped up over the years, with the most notable ones being Adam Sandler’s lovable, fatherly take on the character in the Hotel Transylvania films and Phil LaMarr’s performance on Billy and Mandy, where he plays a ridiculous, possibly senile version of Dracula who is abrasive and hilarious in equal measure.

Basically, when it comes to Dracula, you can easily find any sort of performance to suit your needs and give you what you’re looking for.

Best Scene: Over the years, Dracula has had a great many fantastic moments under his belt, so many fantastic scenes and boss battles… but for my money, the single greatest moment Dracula has ever been in is the opening battle of Symphony of the Night. Just watch this cheesy melodrama unfold and try and disagree with me:

Though, of course, his death in the animated series sure is a contender:

Best Quote: From the above scene, we have “What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!” among moany other meme-worthy bits of dialogue from Dracula. 

On the subject of Castlevania, from the TV show we have Dracula at his most tragic and pitiable, especially when he delivers these fantastically tragic lines like “ It's your room... My boy... I'm- I'm killing my boy... Lisa... I'm killing our boy. We painted this room. We... made these toys. It's our boy, Lisa... your greatest gift to me... and I'm killing him. I must already be dead.” and “Your greatest gift to me... and I'm killing him." as he does battle with his son, Alucard.

Then of course, we have the legendary moment from The Monster Squad where Dracula drops any pretense and starts strangling a little girl, screaming in her face "Give me the amulet, you bitch!" It’s so deliciously, horrendously evil!

Final Thoughts & Score: It’s very strange to think of how much all of fiction owes Dracula. The original book invented a lot of traits (the lack of reflection being one) and popularized others (such as shapeshifting and weakness to garlic), but at the same time also predates a lot of things modern vampire fiction takes for granted. The Dracula of the book has no weakness to sunlight and gets younger as he drinks blood, starting as an old man; in fact, Dracula in the book is entirely lacking in the Gothic sex appeal that almost every adaptation of the character after would give him. He was also not very seductive, instead outright attacking women if he wasn’t hypnotizing them. Hell, he wasn’t even explicitly Vlad the Impaler in the books!

More than any other villain I’ve covered so far, Dracula is truly deserving of an 11/10. Even Count Orlok owes him a debt, seeing as Nosferatu was just a blatant ripoff. Hell, aside from villains from old mythology, I don’t think any villain can lay claim to the sort of scope Dracula has, having forever altered vampire fiction even as certain elements of him become lost in translation.

But what of some of his other incarnations over the years? How do they fare in terms of score? Well, I’m certainly not going to be incredibly thorough and list every Dracula ever, but here are a few I’ve encountered:

Obviously it’s unfair to give the Bela Lugosi incarnation anything less than an 11/10, mainly because this is the Dracula who pretty much inspired most other interpretations of Dracula after him. He’s suave, Gothic, attractive in that dark and mysterious way… it’s no wonder Lugosi’s Dracula became such an iconic fixture of cinema. Then we have the other classic Dracula, Christopher Lee’s take. I think he’s only a 10/10 because I feel like Lee’s tenure is a bit more overlooked and Lugosi tends to supplant him in terms of iconic status.

Castlevania as a franchise is specifically built qround defeating Dracula as the heroic Belmont clan or some adjacent vampire hunter. So you’d better hope that the big bad and master of the magical castle the game takes place in is impressive, right? Well he most certainly is; while he’s not completely fleshed out in every appearance he has some, like his iconic portrayal in Symphony of the Night, really help sell the idea this incarnation of Dracula is a rather tragic villain, though at other times in the series he seems to revel in being a monster far more than that interpretation would allow. Notably, the Castlevania show went with the more tragic approach to great effect, with Graham McTavish delivering a fantastic performance that swings from being genuinely terrifying to hauntingly emotional (just watch the scene where he breaks down upon fighting Alucard and realizing he’s killing his own son). Both game (in a broad sense) and show Dracula get a 10/10, for different reasons.

Duncan Regehr portrayed the Dracula in The Monster Squad, and it is quite obvious he’s having a hell of a time. He’s just wonderfully hammy, and he might be one of the most evil Draculas ever seeing how he called a little girl a bitch and tried to slaughter children with dynamite. This one’s a 9/10 for sure. I honestly think he’s the best take on the character, but his movie is sadly too obscure to really give him that push to being a truly iconic portrayal. He just captures the menace and charisma of Dracula so well, it’s a shame more people don’t know about him.

Van Helsing had a Dracula, played to hammy perfection by Richard Roxburgh. Say what you will about the rest of the film, but any Dracula movie that features evil bat monster Dracula fighting fallen angel werewolf Hugh Jackman in a battle to the death over Frankenstein’s atomic heart is worth at least an 8/10. For a more minor role, we have the Dracula who appeared in the blaxploitation classic Blacula. While he only appears for a bit at the start, long enough to curse an African prince with vampirism and dub him “Blacula,” this Dracula firmly cements himself as one of the most evil Draculas ever, gleefully participating in the slave trade. I believe that’s another 8/10 right there. On a related note, Blacula serves as a chief inspiration to the Billy and Mandy incarnation of Dracula, who is a cranky old black man with a big mustache and lots of sass (in fact, he’s accidentally closer to the original book’s depiction than most other Draculas). Sadly, as a more neutral chaotic comedic figure, I can’t give him a rating, but boy is he a riot.

Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf features a more comedic and zany Dracula, one who participates in some good-old-fashioned Wacky Races cheating in an attempt to keep Shaggy as a werewolf forever. He’s mostly amusing for a oneshot villain, so I’d say 7/10 is fair. Speaking of oneshot villains, Dracula also showed up in an animated straight to video movie for The Batman, where he did things such as turn Joker into a vampire and get killed by Batman. He’s probably a 7/10 as well.

And then there are all the heroic takes on Dracula, such as the version from Dracula Untold or the “overbearing but endearing father” take on the character from the Hotel Transylvania movies (though that rap Adam Sandler does at the end of the first movie is pretty heinous).

And this is not an extensive list by any means. There are so many Draculas I haven’t watched yet, so many different takes I haven’t read the adventures of. And that, I think, is what makes Dracula such a great villain. He is a character who any writer can bend and shape to fit a plot, a villain who can serve almost any purpose and who can fit in almost any fantasy story imaginable. Dracula is incredibly versatile, and whenever he shows up in a work, things almost always get better for a bit. And keep in mind, this is a character who has been around since the year 1897, and yet he is still a household name that even people who have never read the books or seen the movies can accurately describe and recognize.

Is Count Dracula the greatest villain in all of human history? It’s debatable for sure, but I don’t think there’s any denying he’s up there considering his scope and influence and how he helped mold modern vampire fiction into what it is today. If nothing else, Dracula is still wildly influential.

[nightwingvixen23]

              💋The Real Mob Wives Of Gotham City🍎

                                     Episode fucking 5 :

“Yeah i got married drunk in Vegas; hasn’t everyone?“

 Slade & Dick  : *walking down the busy sidewalk past boutiques and shops*

Slade & Dick : *stops in front of a coffeehouse* 

Slade : *smoking*

Dick : *glares at Slade*

Slade : ...

Dick : *clears throat dramatically*

Slade : what.

Dick : I am your ******* wife. DUH. I expect chivalry. I am a man with class

Slade : porca miseria *opening the door for Dick* since when. 

Dick : *sashaying past Slade into the coffeehouse*

 *cuts to solo interview with Dick*

Dick : *beaming* It’s been a while since Slade and I have been out on a proper date, and the CUTEST little ******* coffeehouse just opened up a block from us, so I thought, why the **** not ?? I’m more than just to be used as a goddamned blow up doll in the bed room, cazzo, how could Sexy Ace not remember ?? I’m also Arm Candy *licks lips sensually* 

 *cuts back to Dick and Slade walking away from the Barista with their coffees* 

Dick : Isn’t this nice, Sexy Ace ?

Slade : *grunts* 

Dick : *takes Slade by the arm*

Slade : You’re not an old woman, you don’t need my arm. 

Dick : *gasps* I am not an old woman, you’re right, I’m your ******* wife you piece of ****

Slade : *thinking of how he only has one fucking cigarette left in his pack along with him*

Slade : ....Figlio di puttana.....

Dick : *smiles brightly* 

Dick : Let’s go drink our coffee outside, mkaaaayyyy ?

Slade : whatever you want

Dick : now that’s what I’m talkin’ about

Random Man : Richard ? Mio dio. Is that really you, tesoro ?

Dick : *turns to face a handsome older man with a coffee cup*

Dick : *confusion*

Dick : *realization*

Dick : *slow grin* 

Dick : oh. my. GAWD ! Vanni ??

Vanni : In the flesh, you gorgeous thing

Vanni : *embraces Dick*

Dick : *hugs back*

Vanni : *sizes up Slade over Dick’s shoulder*

Slade : *fingers clenched in suit jacket*

Vanni : *smug douchebag*

 *cuts to solo interview with Vanni Salvadore*

Vanni : Yeah I know Richard; or Dick as he preferred I call him, but I just couldn’t get used to that name. *runs a hand through his slicked back, black hair* we first met years back in Las Vegas, mediocre am I right ? *laughs* I agree. But there sure wasn’t a damn thing mediocre about that ass that was ALL over my lap that first night if yanno what I mean. So I bought the two of us a round of drinks...which turned into some more drinks. And that’s how we ended up married in A Little White Chapel. *sighs* damn...should’a kept a rope on him. He’s lookin’ fine as ****. 

[ From behind the camera : And what about Slade Wilson? ]

Vanni : *head thrown back in hilarity* AHAHAHA are you all SERIOUS ?!!! THAT son of a bitch ? He might like playin’ an intimidating character but he’s the same as any red blooded man. I ain’t scared of him; Mob Boss or not, don’t matter to me. Also, can I just point out that if there’s somethin that Vanni Gino Salvadore wants *smirks* then Vanni Gino Salvadore gets it. No questions asked.  

 *cuts back to Dick explaining to Slade just how he and Vanni met*

Slade : *listening with half an ear*

Dick : we were so ************* wasted when we got hitched. 

Slade : *now at full alert*

Vanni : If I remember correctly, I woke up with your legs wrapped around my neck—

Dick : AHA ! Let’s save the bull**** talk, hmmm Vanni ??

Slade : ...

Slade : so you’ve been married before me.

Dick : Well yeah. I mean, it was one dumbass drunken night in Vegas; ain’t everyone done that ? Oh don’t give me that look babe ! It was three ******* years ago !!

Slade : THREE years ?

Dick : And, I mean, we broke up two weeks later

Slade : TWO weeks ? 

Dick : *deadpan* C’mon now. Have you seen me, Sexy Ace ??? Why wouldn’t any man attempt to keep me collared ? My ass is offended as ****

Vanni : *suggestively* speaking of collars—

Dick : *slaps a hand over Vanni’s mouth*

Dick : yeah let’s not talk about that either kaaaay ? Good god it’s like you’re trying to **** with my marriage !! Can’t you see that I’m HAPPILY wed now ?

Vanni : *chuckles* 

Vanni : *playing with Dick’s hair* That don’t mean nothin’ to me, Doll Face. Your preference in men still hasn’t changed though yet, has it ? Ya still like em older ??

 *cuts to solo interview with Vanni*

Vanni : *braggingly* With a head full of thick black hair and piercing green eyes ? I mean just LOOK at these babies! *nears into the camera so we get a faceful of Vanni Salvadore* ******* god damned SPELLBINDING green eyes, am I right people ?????

 *cuts to Slade grabbing Vanni’s wandering wrist*

Slade : You don’t wanna go there. At. All.

Vanni : Oh yeah ? Or what. Ya gonna make me ‘swim with the fishes ?’

Slade : *growls*

Dick :*oddly aroused to be fought over by two rich ass older hunks*

Young Woman : *stomps up to their little group of misery*

Woman : Vanni Gino you ******* stronzo !

Vanni : *whips around*

Vanni: Mia—

Mia : *slaps Vanni*

Vanni : um. ow ?

Mia : I heard it all from our table ! I thought you were simply going to catch up with an old friend, I didn’t know you and this bimbo were married once !

Dick : Wow. Excuse me honey ? bimbo ? 

*aggressively chaotic background music*

Mia : All the pretty ones are

Dick : *sizing Mia up who is literally just a spitting female image of Dick himself* 

Dick : you’re one to talk little Miss Priss

Mia : *dramatic gasp* I ought to slap you too you man grabbing puttana !!!

Dick : oh va’ a fare in culo

Mia : *taking he earrings off* 

 *cuts to solo interview with Mia Electra Salvadore*

Mia : I don’t know WHO this sassy little **** thinks he is, but he’s gonna get that ass handed to him in about 2 seconds flat if he’s not careful.

 *cuts to a zoom in on Slade looking utterly done with this shit*

Slade : So you’re currently married 

Vanni : *stands taller/trying to be as intimidating as Slade but yeah buddy it ain’t workin’*

Vanni : Yeah. What about it

Dick : *rolling his eyes*

Vanni : However *looks Dick up and down* being married doesn’t mean that I still can’t sample the buffet

Mia : *slaps Vanni’s left cheek*

Dick : *slaps Vanni’s right cheek*

Vanni : um. OW.

Vanni : What I meant to say was that it ain’t no thing what gets my motor running as long as I park in the right garage 

Slade : Not if that motor get’s a leak in it

Vanni : The hell does that even mean ?

Slade : *punches Vanni in the face*

Vanni : *goes down with a leaking bloody nose*

Coffeehouse : *gasping in horror*

Mia : *hurriedly leans down over husband* 

Mia : *pats his cheeks* 

Mia : oh my gawd I think he’s unconscious 

Mia : *stands up*

Mia : *glowering down at Vanni*

Mia : HA!! That’s EXACTLY what you get you ABSOLUTE piece of ****! 

 *cuts to solo interview with Dick*

Dick : *fanning himself theatrically* It was so ******* hot I couldn’t help myself

 *cuts to Dick leading Slade into the bathrooms at the back of the coffeehouse with a smirk*

Slade : *puts an unlit cigarette between his lips*

Slade : *carries Dick the rest of the way to the bathrooms unnoticed*

[ camera crew : You two will get in trouble, we need to wrap this up. Get back to set now. ]

Dick : *flips crew off*

*run. those. fucking. ending. credits. right. the. fuck. now. i. don’t. have. all. day. yo.*

💋Up Next on :The Real Mob Wives of Gotham City. .🍎

Selina : *somehow gets roped into clothes shopping with Talia*

Selina : *steps out of her fitting room in an outfit topped off with over the knee leather boots and a fitted grey fur jacket*

Talia : *steps out of her fitting room in an outfit topped off with over the knee leather boots and a fitted grey fur jacket*

Selina : Well one of us is going to have to change

Talia : And that someone is going to be you honey, ‘cause ain’t no way I ain’t gonna be the one to get this outfit. And ain’t no way you’re gonna have the same exact one in your god damned closet

Selina : *seething* The hell you’ll be the one getting this outfit you little—

Damian : *steps out of his fitting room in an outfit topped off with over the knee leather boots and a fitted grey fur jacket*

Damian : *glances to mother and stepmother in matching attire*

Talia : ....

Selina : wait, what...??

Talia : *confused click of the nails*

Damian : 

Damian : 

Damian : *annoyed*

Damian : 

[simptasia]

lost characters based solely on how i portray them in my text post memes

jack: constantly crying and/or screaming. no emotional stability. no social skills. terrible bedside manner. endearingly bland. into powerful women. loves the red sox... a lot. daddy issues. doesn’t believe in himself. has shitty tattoos. being crushed under the weight of everybody’s expectations. more or less hot. he is not cool at all. repressed attraction to guys. chronic hero syndrome. adorably embarrassing as a dad. passionately and violently overreacts to the mere concept of people believing in things. mansplains but in a non malicious way because he is literally that oblivious. gets into fights a lot. dissociates in mirrors. gets injured a lot but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. thinking about caves

kate: desperate need to protect women. bi. is frustrated by jack and sawyer’s personalities but wants to fuck them oh so much. rowdy. feminist. biceps. will call you out. is love with claire and jack and sun and- she has a lot of love to give. she can be ur angel or ur devil. exasperated. doesn’t understand astrology but she’s trying. she’s the slytherin friend every hufflepuff needs. uses guns. doesn’t know how to cook. go to relationship advice is “dump him” or “suck his dick”.  just because you put things in her vagina doesn’t mean you know her. gemini

hurley: sad clown. haha laughter! hiding real pain! has debilitating mental illness. he’s doing his best to stay positive. virgin. genuinely kind soul. overwhelmed by food. awkward around girls he likes. much smarter and wiser than anybody thinks, including himself. a special boy who we all love. says dude a lot. the only valid rich person ever. doesn’t like himself. sees dead people. kinda silly. also he’s fat (but i don’t joke about it in a cruel way)

sawyer: compulsive need to nickname people. from the south. bewildered by charlie’s english slang. covering up vulnerability with jokes and being mean. loves juliet. is an asshole but a loveable asshole (this varies, mostly he’s an asshole). conventionally attractive to the point of boring. got a Thing going on with miles. can’t stand daniel being smart around him. babies freak him out. treats animals poorly

locke: very supportive and new agey type. i’ve made two jokes about him encouraging people to jack off, that wasn’t on purpose but Okay. he doesn’t know what its like to have friends. he says Deep Sounding but odd things. he’s super duper into nature. he suffers. he’s very forgiving of ben to the point of absurdity and he desperately wants ben to love and fuck him. or maybe they are fucking. Who Knows. he loves knifes

sayid: sexy, suffering shannon fucker. he doesn’t respect boone. his life is an endless parade of misery culminating in going on autopilot. respects women

jin: he has no idea what’s going on and his life revolves around sun

sun: beautiful. perfect. very passionate about gardening

claire: bi. frequently ignored. cutesy and sweet. super into astrology and new age stuff. her cheery demeanour can only hold on so long before she loses it. kinda dumb. has baby. vanilla, at least for now. loves charlie but is kinda frustrated by him. goes feral and “kitten thinks of murder all day” sums it up

charlie: that he needs attention and validation to survive would be a gross understatement. bi. trans. punk. stupid. english. really horny and slutty. adores music more than anything. drug addict (again, i refuse to be cruel). severe jealousy issues. inferiority superiority complex. hates himself but will get offended if you hate him. can’t take any form of criticism. is bewildered by sawyer’s american-isms. bit of a madonna whore complex. smol but will go the fuck off like a terrier nipping at ya heels. catholic and riddled with catholic guilt. goofy and obnoxious and he knows it. passive aggressive. terrified of bees. nice ass. mood swings. did i mention he’s short? anyway here’s wonderwall

ben: ugly. just plain terrible. beaten and bruised. seething with rage and pain on the inside. virgin. liar. just causes problems on purpose. resembles a lemur or rat, rodents in general. loves bunnies. doesn’t think sex is real. just a really bad idea for him to be around juliet. has no friends. doesn’t care about other people. says creepy shit just because. he knows he’s a terrible person. killed people. the friend nobody likes and a general nuisance to the other characters

(also my literal first text post meme about ben was a joke about him eating his parents??? 2014 sapphire, i wanna talk...)

juliet: mom friend. seems very calm but she’s screaming on the inside. basically she’s the This Is Fine meme. depressed. has big tits. low-key kinky. feminist in a very gentle way. has no ill will towards kate and will only fight her for fun. concerned for daniel’s well being. has no chemistry with jack. loves sawyer. flat measured calm way of speaking. she’s breaking apart at the seams but will offer you a nice glass of water :)))

michael: has a son..... uh...... enjoys minecraft?

(i’m sorry)

desmond: scottish. drinks. easily and constantly confused. magic psychic time powers, like visions and electromagnetic dimensional stuff. easily angered. fucked off by the concept of time and destiny in general. hhhhhhhot

smokey: Hello Fellow Humans I Promise This Is My Own Skin Haha

miles: bi. aro. loves money (trying to fill the hole in his heart with money and things). emo/punk. pretends not to care but he really does care. thinks emotions and romance are dumb but of course is emotional... and kinda wants love. but not that he LIKES you or anything. exasperated. thinks everybody else is weird. kinda slutty or at least trying to be. masochist and into BDSM. mean to daniel for no reason. daddy issues. resting bitch face. jaded, bitter and salty. responds to romantic things dan or char say with vulgar or mocking comments. grew up poor. can hear dead people. trying too hard to be edgy. deadpan snarker. Fuck Off I’m Not Sad Don’t Look At Me [cries only around the audience and his mom]

walt: becoming older than 10 was when things went downhill for him

shannon: seems vapid but is more than that. deeply insecure. feels she can’t do anything right. constantly put down as worthless by other people. yeah she’s sad but she Looks Great. wants sayid to pound her (mood)

(gee, that was dark)

richard: very old and ageless. sees ben as a son figure. really not holding it together. seems smart but he has no fucking idea whats going on. cult mindset. quips curtly back at miles’ vulgar jokes. in love with miles based on very little interaction. misses his dead wife. has a cute giggle. is also hot. overwhelmed and just wants to go into the jungle and scream

frank: doesn’t understand what anybody is talking about. the only normal person here. doesn’t understand these kids today with their weird kinks. just wants to sleep. pilot. bit of a conspiracy theorist

boone: bi. stupid. soaked in blood a lot.  (L I T E R A L L Y all of my boone jokes are about him being dumb and bi and horribly injured and combos of those. i haven’t even made any incest jokes! what the actual fuck)

ana lucia: “[with tears in her eyes] DO U WANNA FIGHT??”. highly volatile. lesbian. bros with jack but will roast him. angery, sad and underloved

daniel: bi, agender, neurodivergent, just, just especially brain weird. The Scientist trope but kind of a shitty scientist. smart. in love with charlotte. in love with desmond. likes rats a lot. talks weird and soft spoken. withdrawn and polite but with bursts of bitterness. his mom won’t let him live the live he wants to live. time travel weirdness. loves music. gifted kid burn out. has a mental and emotional collapse. thinks a hydrogen bomb will solve all his problems. skinny. touches people a lot. he’s not okay. romantic. overwhelmed. memory problems. his lack of life experience and softness is used to contrast miles. takes some statements literally. pretty vanilla (for now) and doesn’t know what certain kinks are. likes that charlotte is Tough & Rowdy. doesn’t swear much. bad hair. was unhinged in college. has radiation poisoning

libby: neurodivergent and in love with hurley

eko: yeah... i’ve legit only used him for jokes where charlie says something EXTREMELY vulgar and eko says “go to church”

charlotte: bi, loud, passionate, beautiful, angery, knows All The Languages, huge nerd, loves daniel and thinks he’s a Snack, outspoken feminist, archaeologist/anthropologist and wants to explore some fucking ruins, The Lost Lenore trope, loves chocolate, exasperated, great smile, subtly insecure, doesn’t get that she could just tell daniel how she feels, has had many indiana jones like adventures (off screen, of course), for example: crashing her dirtbike into all 7 wonders of the world

danielle: french and unhinged, has seen some shit

alex: just a young lady with no chill

jacob: suffers from terminal apathy. has little understand of human behaviour. doesn’t care about people. he just plain sucks. has no endearing qualities. causes many problems. beats the shit outta richard. doesn’t like technology. so removed from humanity that he’s a touch uncanny valley

christian, eloise, charles and anthony jokes each have their own kind of flavours but fuck it, i’ll sum them all up as: contemptuous cunts who deserve to die

aaron: just a baby boy. does baby things. has like 5 parents

vincent: a dog. a good boy. does he know more than he lets on? is he mysterious? no, he is just a dog

[glitterdreamsz]

Hi! Can you do an imagine where Roger start to have grey hair and is afraid that the reader will start to think that he's getting old and maybe won't like him as much as she did when he was younger?

i LOVE this request 

You walked into your house pushing the door with your back as you held the grocery bags in both of your arms. “I’m back home” you announced on your way to the kitchen but had no replies back. Once you put the bags on the table you could hear some voices and the television going on in the living room. After putting all the food in the cupboards and in the fridge you walked over to the lounge finding your eight years old Elliot sat on the couch watching cartoons and your four years old Hazel playing with lego on the carpet. “Hey loves” you say as you sat down.  “Hi mommy” your daughter says as she kept playing and your son laid his head on your lap cuddling on you “Where’s dad?” you ask as you play with your son’s hair “Bathroom” he replies not leaving his gaze from the television.

You met Roger ten years ago when he was thirty and you were twenty-six. You were working as a journalist and had an interview with the band, you could see how he was flirting with you and you couldn’t lie that he was extremely attractive. You couldn’t say it was love at first sight, yes, you were charmed by him but you also knew that he was famous for being a ladys man. What you didn’t know was that he can be pretty persistent and can’t accept a no as an answer. He sent flowers to your office and kept calling until you agreed on going out on a date with him. You found out that behind the man who tried to follow the rock star clichè there actually was a really kind and funny man and it was inevitable for you to fall in love with him. After two years of relationship, you found out that you were pregnant with your first child Elliot, a surprise for you and Roger but you both couldn’t be happier to start your own little family. Four years later, both because Elliot couldn’t stop asking you for a little sibling and because you and Rog wanted another kid, Hazel came into your life and you could feel that your little family was finally complete.

After a while that Roger still didn’t come back from the bathroom you started to wonder what was actually happening to him. “I’m going to check on dad” Lifting softly your son from your lap you got up from the couch and walked to the main bathroom. “Love?” you asked knocking at the door. “Yes?” Rog’s voice was low.“Is everything alright?” you spoke through the door, your hand already on the handle.“More or less.”“Can I come in?” “Hmmh” he mumbled. You slowly opened the door not knowing what you would find in front of you, and you could think of may scenarios but none of them was what you saw. Roger was standing in front of the mirror, hands in his hair as he kept looking at his reflection “I have grey hair.” His eyes still fixed on the mirror. “I know” you had to bite your lip to hold back the smile that was forming on your lips. Your back was laying against the doorframe as you watched your husband’s figure “It’s not one or two anymore, basically my whole head is grey.” “Well, I can say that I noticed.” A small chuckle left your mouth.Roger sighed as he walked to the toilet and after closing it he sat on it. “I’m getting old” he mumbled looking at the floor.“We all are love.” You said with a tender voice as you walked toward him.“Yes but you’re not as old as me” He argued back looking up at you. “I mean, look at you, you are thirty-six and still so gorgeous while I am turning all grey, I even have gained some weight. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d find yourself a more attractive man.”“Oh, don’t be stupid.” You spat back. “I don’t even want you to think that I will ever find someone else.” You straddled his lap, laying your hands on his neck as your thumbs stroked his skin. “After ten years and two kids, I can also say that I don’t look as good as I did when I was twenty-six. Roger, I don’t want to sound like a bitch but you already had white hair for a while and if it had been a problem for me I wouldn’t have married you last year, don’t you think?” You chuckled looking at him and a small smile formed on his lips. “You’re forty years  old, it’s normal to have grey hair.” “I’m still not forty. My birthday’s in a month.” He mumbled.“Okay.” You rolled your eyes jokingly. “You are thirty-nine and you are the sexiest man I know.” “Hotter than Richard Gere?” “Are you kidding? Way hotter than Richard Gere.” Your smile reassured him and made him understand that he was making a whole scene for nothing. “No one compares to you.”Your lips found his ones and what started as a simple chaste kiss turned out in a hot making out session but once Roger’s hands started to wander under your t-shirt you had to stop them. “The kids are in the living room.” You said as you laid your forehead against his and pulled away from the kiss to catch your breath. “Let’s put them to bed.” He suggested as his lips found your neck. “It’s four in the afternoon.” You giggled as you pulled away stopping him.“Does it mean that I have to wait till tonight for you to show me how sexy you think I am?”You nodded biting your bottom lip. “You’ll have to wait till tonight to know how sexy I think my old man his.”He laughed and after that you got up he slapped lightly your bum “If I’m that old maybe I won’t be able to do certain things.”“Only your loss baby.” You smirked while leaving the bathroom. “Only your loss.”

[warfear]

what is popping, home - slices?   if you’ve been in the group chat—then you are aware of my wee identity crisis :     involving the dropping of three, picking up of one.   don’t worry, they’ll be back!   whenever i feel alive again.   SO NEVER.   jk.   anyway…   in the meantime, with the exception of odette and julian—i offer you my trashiest child  (found in the dumpster behind burger king wrapped in tinfoil.   * australian accent *  think they were gonna throw her on the barbie…   huh?)   so, SEE BELOW for the 411 on this 4′11 gremlin.

INTRODUCTION.

☢     —     (  KATIE DOUGLAS, AGENDER, SHE/THEM  )     Trading in their tattoo gun for a chainsaw might not come easy for MINOO PEARCE. This twenty-two year old artist brings spray cans galore, divergent thinking, and a history of shoplifting to the table … but their small stature and double-dealing could drag the group down. And while their unorthodox nature might raise group morale, their arrogance might give them a few enemies. That’s the last thing anyone needs right now. Hopefully, in the apocalypse movie that’s now their life, this QUINCY PUNK will make it to the end credits.

BASICS.

born in boston, massachussets—or as i like to call it…   massachuchu—minoo is the first and only child of two garbage folk.   mitch & rachel pearce.   devout catholics.   patriotic.   all - american.   thoroughly unfit to be parents.   only in a sexy  “our daughter isn’t her own person but an extension of ourselves”  kinda way.   slammed like a ping pong ball between being invisible and controlled this one.

a military brat, too…   meaning that no place was permanent, and boston was ditched before she could take her first step.   she has lived in boise, in a small fishing town south of anchorage, and once her family spent six months in waipahu.   when she was thirteen her father got a permanent position in fort elms.   lucky she!

during the flashes of love and pampering  (see: no autonomy)  minoo was subjected to the cringe - worthy world of child pageantry.   we love it when mommy lives vicariously through us!   even if she aims for jonbenet ramsey…   ending up with honey boo boo instead.   don’t get it twisted, though—she was little miss texas during her prime  (age 8).   AND WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT.   not unless you wanna get shanked   * stabby motions *   …   side note :     she still fits into her last puffy - armed dress.   we don’t talk about that either.

she eventually learned to put her foot down.   much to rachel’s horror.   sorry not sorry, darling.   minoo abandoned the gowns for band tees soon after.   not as much as a speck of rogue on this honey - pie these days, just some sick, sick raccoon eyes.   call it what it is…   punk rock.

minoo first found her greatest passions  (shoplifting and vandalism.   not necessarily in that order.)  when she was eleven years old.   she pocketed a strawberry scented hello kitty eraser from macy’s and she has not looked back since.   a habit which earned her a trip to boarding school.   catholic.   gag us with a spoon.   side note 2 :     she still fits into her middle school uniform, too.

all jokes—they’re not jokes—aside…   she is not completely hopeless.   in fact, she is a little miss smarty - pants.   minoo got a raging hard - on for classic literature  (jane austen, what’s good?)  and conceptual art  (richard hambleton, what’s good?).   not much of a writer but one hell of a graffiti artist—most of her work can be spotted around town.   some genuine, some dicks.   TALENT!   a good portion of her art can be found on mj herself, though.   stick ‘n pokes, babes—we love to see it. 

minoo is also a mother.   she has a son.   and he’s a really good boy.   almost bigger than she is now…   they grow up so fast, don’t they?   his name is rusty, and he’s the cutest saint bernard you ever did see.   her best friend.   her only friend, really.   intended to be a guard dog, my boy rusty flopped—onto the couch that is.   he is a certified couch potato, something minoo can relate to.   AND SHE LOVES HIM SO!   the only person she’d put before herself.   dog - person…   

once intended to get her license.   that opportunity was shot when she chose teenage rebellion over independence.   you see, mj here has got herself a rap sheet longer than herself.   (not that impressive all things considered.)   and she takes much pride in it.   which means that when daddy dearest tried to have her late teen mishaps expunged—she saw red.   psychological help, i’ll get her some.   now she’s twenty - two and destined to travel the world by skateboard…   all because she backed the family jeep into their neighbour’s backyard.   nobody was hurt, alright.   dare i say yet?

SPEED RUN!     got nancy spungen for a role model.   saving up to run off to sacramento.   hates authority yet somehow has an authority kink.   adhd embodied.   looks like the artwork of numerous kindergarteners.   thinks attention is love.   homeless by choice (nobody said she was smart…   except i did.)  could eat her weight in olives.   anarchist without a cause.   10/10 will break into your house.   took fuck the police too literally that one time.   fantasises about her dad’s suicide.   wants to be loved.   does not want to love.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

friend - o’s :    i think it goes without saying that minoo is a handful.   although i still think she should be allowed some buds.   whether through her MANY INTERESTS  (literature, art, punk rock, skating, large dogs, disappointing her parents…)  or just through circumstance.   she is twenty - two, and never made it to art school—*  that one vine vc *   way to go, paul mitch!—but she did go to fort elms high all four years.   someone’s bound to know her!   just give me some bitches to put up with her shit.   god bless america.

parental figure :    listen…   she needs this.   obviously!   just some OLD PERSON who doesn’t tell her that she stinks and that her tattoos are ugly.   she has a lifetime of trauma to make up for.   we need some rachel and mitch opposites to fix that shit, alright.   and stat!   she intends on being dead by twenty - seven.   cobain hasn’t even bit it yet, and still…   she’s so ahead of her time…

enemy slash victim :    she stinks.   (yes, this is her dad speaking.)   and is a complete fucking nuisance.   if she decides you suck then she wont settle for simply knowing herself—you also have to know.   really know…   it’s no fun hating somebody if they don’t know it, man.   just let her pull some cutesy pranks, you know?   ordering half a dozen pizzas to their house, leave their number in the x - rated section of blockbuster, graffiti an ugly portrait of their ugly face on their driveway, slash their tires…

and that’s it, fellas!   please love her…   or else…   :gun_emoji:

[sunaswife]

How did we end up here?/ Erick Brian Colon SMUT

I hope @cncopmhoe likes this cuz I’m Lowkey trash hehe.

Inspired by 5sos’s “How did we end up here?”

“Oh no I’m late I’m late. Mrs. Vega is going to kill me.” Erick said to himself as he rushed down the hall. He was trying to hurry to class, this is what happens when you try to help your irresponsible best friend with his homework. Chris is going to pay for this. Before he knew it he bumped into someone and they both fell on the floor. He immediately looked at the person to apologize and was in awe by her beauty. She was wearing a simple jean jacket with black pants and a band t shirt tucked in. She also had a beanie on. She looked so casual and beautiful. She looked up at him and gave him a glare. “Watch where you’re going dumbass.” She grabbed her folder, he saw a schedule and he quickly grabbed it. “I’m sorry, is this yours?” He asked and she grabbed it. “Yeah, hey dumbass where is this class anyways? It’s B 21.” She asked, “down the hall to your left is the b wing.” He said and she was already walking away. He stayed there for a second but quickly remembered he was already late. He grabbed his folder and he was on his way to class.

He opened the door and was confused that the whole seating was changed, his best friend was paired with someone else across the room. “Erick you’re late.” His teacher said, “I’m so sorry.” He apologized, “I let the students pick their partner but there is only one person available.” She said and noticed the girl from earlier. “Okay thank you.” He said and sat next to her. She was messing with her nails as she read the paper, she looked at him and looked back down. “Hi I’m Erick whats your na—“ “President Nixon.” She said, “Excuse me?” He asked. “Our project is on President Nixon. I chose cause you’re late.” She said and handed him the paper. “But Roosevelt is better.” He tried convincing her. “Too bad dumbass. I already chose.” She shrugged. He glanced across the room and saw his other best friend Joel talking to a cheerleader, Joel looked up and he shrugged. They usually pair up together but Joel thought he was absent and he was distracted by the cute cheerleader.

You walked in everyone was asking for your name, you just smiled and told them trouble

“Ay shorty what’s your name.” The schools fuckboy, Richard said. Erick and her looked up and she smirked, “Trouble.” She said and looked back down to the textbook. “More like nerdy.” He snorted, “What do you say we switch our partners so we can work together baby.” He said and she giggled. “Nah I’m good—he looks smart.” She shrugged. “But with me—“ “But with you we’ll fail this project. I’m not an idiot, now get the Fuck out of my presence.” She groaned. “Bitch.” He muttered and walked away.

My head spins, I’m pressed against the wall just watching your every move. You’re way too cool and you’re coming this way.

“She literally said trouble?” Zabdiel asked as Erick talked about the new girl. “Bro bro.” Joel shook Ericks shoulder. “What dude.” Erick said annoyed. “She’s coming this way.”

How did we end up talking in the first place?

“Hey dumbass.” She stood right in front of Erick, “It’s not dumbass it’s Erick.” He corrected, “Nah you look more like a dumbass.” She shrugged and he sighed. “What do you want?” He asked, “What are you doing after school?” She asked, “I’m going to the arcade with—“ Joel punched his shoulder interrupting Erick. “Ow What the hell.” He rubbed his shoulder. “If you’re asking if he’s free then he is.” Zabdiel answered for Erick and Erick looked at Zabdiel in confusion. “Sweet so after school meet me in the front so we can go to my house.” She said and turned. Erick, Zab, and Joel stood there in shock. No girl has asked either one of them to come over. Especially for a project. “Oh and Erick?” The way his name dripped off her lips made him melt.

You said you like my Cobain shirt

Her confidence is amazing for someone small and beautiful like her. She’s scary and mysterious but so beautiful and sexy at the same time. “Yeah?” He asked. “I like your Cobain shirt.” She said and walked away.

Now we’re walking back to your place, you’re telling me how you love that song about living on a prayer.

I’m pretty sure that we’re halfway there

She would not shut up, neither did he. “RIP to the legend.” She said and he nodded. Who knew they shared a similar taste in music. They walked close on the narrow sidewalk. His hand accidentally grazed hers and she moved her arm. “Hey dumbass just because we like the same music doesn’t mean we’re friends.” She said and he was slightly disappointed. “I figured.” He muttered and she pretended she didn’t hear. She mentally smiled and glanced at the boy. He was the hottest guy she’s ever seen. His eyes are beautiful but she hasn’t properly looked into them. He had a nice posture and a simple but good taste in clothes just like her. He was definitely sweet and she loved that.

“We’re here.” She said and he followed as she entered her home. “Your parents?” He asked, “one just got into work and the other who knows, never came back after buying a pack of cigarettes.” She shrugged and he felt bad. “My mom comes back at like two in the morning. She’s a nurse.” She said and he nodded. “Well let’s get to work. My room is upstairs the one with the 5sos poster on the door. He nodded and walked up the stairs as she made her way to the kitchen. He was nervous, this was the first time he has been over a girls house, this was the first time he’s been in a girls room. And they were alone. He made himself comfortable on her brown carpeted floor. She came back ten minutes later with a big bowl of pizza rolls to share and two Gatorades. I would make something but we don’t have a lot of food because we’re still organizing.” She said and he smiled. “Thank you.” He said and ate the pizza roll from the shared bowl. She layed on her stomach as she was googling information on her laptop.

But when I wake up next to you I wonder how,

Erick woke up to the sound of giggling, he opened up his green eyes and he was in a bed that wasn’t his, in a room that wasn’t his, with a girl that wasn’t his. “It’s about time.” She said as she looked at him, she was sitting on her desk watching funny cat videos. “My mom is asleep but, she’s knows you’re here. I told her you accidentally fell asleep and she was cool with it.” She said and he sat up. “Come on you have an hour to get ready.” She said, “How are you up so early?” He asked. “I go for morning jogs so I can see the sunrise.” She responded and he smiled. “The shower is that way and I put my brothers underwear and shirt inside so you can change into.” She said. “Thanks.” he mumbled and he stood up and made his way to her bathroom. She tried to not look but he was gorgeous.

Erick showered and he was daydreaming. Remembering what happened yesterday. They were arguing over how the PowerPoint should be. “Ugh if you weren’t so hot I would have slapped you.” She hissed and he was taken aback. “You think I’m hot?” He asked, “Don’t get too cocky—“ “no it’s just that no one has ever called me hot.” He admitted and she smirked. “Really? But I mean look at you? You’re earrings, your hair, your eyes. Your intoxicating.” She said lowly and crawled her way to him. He was feeling tight in his pants. She sat in front of him and held his chin with her soft hand. “Have you had your first kiss before?” She asked all of a sudden. “Um no..?” He said, she bit her lip as she looked at his. “May I?” She asked, “Yes.” He whispered and she moved closer to him. She kissed his lips gently and pulled away. She gave him a smile but he wanted more. He grabbed her from behind her head and he smashed his lips towards her. She released a moan. He wanted her to make that sound again. “You’re a little horny huh?” She said against his lips. “Is that a problem?” He asked and he sat her on his lap. “Of course not.” She smirked and kissed him once again. They stripped clothes and he quickly turned to text his mom he was spending the night at Zabdiels and told Zab to cover for him.

He turned and was in awe and he saw her in her underwear. “Close your mouth before you eat flies.” She said with a giggle. She crawled onto his lap again and their lips fought for dominance. She didn’t have much experience either but they both hoped that porn was enough knowledge to know what to do. Her clothed heat was on his growing bulge and every time she moved he moaned. They both pulled away and they looked at eachother in the eyes. “Are you okay with this?” They both asked at the same time then chuckled. “Guess that’s a yes.” Erick said and he picked her up and gently tossed her on her bed. He baggy shirt lifted slightly and he kissed where her belly piercing was at.

“So beautiful.” He whispered and lifted up her shirt more. He looked at her breasts and without a second thought he nibbled on her left and he played with her right. She released another moan and he groaned softly. His lips found hers again and he carefully pulled down her underwear. She became a little shy and she kept her legs closed. “Come on Mami, spread those pretty legs.” He said and she was so turned on by his words. She did as asked and he tasted her. He was in cloud 9. No wonder why Chris is obsessed with sex. She’s delicious. She pulled his hair and he groaned which made her released a soft whimper. “Erick—“ she gasped as he put two fingers in without warning. “You’re okay right?” He asked, “Yes go faster.” She moaned and he obeyed. The sight of her weak underneath his touch made him want to cum right there. He pulled away and she sighed and caught her breath. He grabbed a condom from his wallet and he carefully placed it on himself. His mom got him these in case he ever needed them. She didn’t want her son getting a girl pregnant at seventeen.

He remembers a bit of advice Chris gave him and he rubbed his cock up and down her slit to self lubricate. When he was satisfied he put the tip over her entrance. she admitted that it was her first time as well so Erick wasn’t as worried. “I’m ready.” She said and he carefully entered in her. She gripped her bed sheet and she took a deep breath. When he was all the way in and she had time to adjust he moved at a slow and steady pace. She released short breathy moans, he looked at her in amazement because she was so beautiful in this state of bliss and he was so happy that he was making her feel this way. She opened her eyes and they made eye contact, she bit her lip and she pulled him down to her and she attacked his lips. “You’re so good.” She whispered, “Go faster.” And so he did. They didn’t move or do anything else because it was their first time and they were focusing on getting the release.

“Oh my god—Erick I’m close.” She squeaked and he nodded. “I am too.” He mumbled and his rythem became sloppy. He thrusted two hard ones and she scratched his back. “Oh Fuck Erick, just like that.” She said in his ear. He felt her walls tighten around his cocked and they both released in sync. “Oh my god.” He released a boyish moaned, “fuck—that was so good.” She said and They catched their breaths. He carefully pulled out and tossed the condom away in her small trash bucket. “Are you okay? Did it hurt?” He asked, “I mean in the beginning but I’m fine.” She responded, “I just don’t think I can move my legs.” She giggled and he quickly grabbed her underwear and helped her put it on. “Thanks.” said and he slid on his. “No problem.” “What time is it?” She asked, he looked at the time on his phone. “10:30.” He said. “We should go to sleep, we have school tomorrow.” She said and patted a spot next to her. He smiled and layed under the covers with her. She hugged his waist and put her head on his chest. They both quickly fell into a blissful sleep and they both dreamt about eachother.

How did we end up here?

[espoirmerveilleux]

You’d think I would’ve learned by now

I’m going to be good. Sensible. Post this and then put the laptop away, the phone on the charger for the night and go watch football and not worry. So she says. And if you believe that I’ve got a lovely piece of oceanfront property in South Dakota, but it comes at a price.

Anyroad, I haven’t exactly got an update yet, but I’ve got a lot, and a big chunk of it from today alone. I’m happy with it, by and large. So I’m being foolish once again and sharing the newest bit (which I don’t think I’ll edit much in the end).

Right. So eventually this will be a part of the next chapter of Look After You. Which is taking on a life of it’s own and I’m kind of just along for the ride.

If you’re interested, you can read more below the cut.

He is gasping. “Isobel. Fuck, baby.” Like he’s every bit as much in disbelief as she. 

“Yes,” she agrees softly, finding her voice. It’s husky now; she’s given it quite a workout. She laughs at that, at the realisation that it’s just like it is when he’s there beside her, and she feels so good now, like everything is right with the universe. “Oh, my darling man, I love you!”

“And I love you. And whatever that was …” His voice is full and gravelly; she can hear sleep closing in on him. She loves him in these moments; there’s a bald sort of intimacy that comes after sex and just before sleep and she’d be hard pressed to quantify it, except to say that it’s pure. There’s a stillness of heart and a clear certainty that this is right; they are right. They are for each other. 

“We’ll have to do that again,” she tells him, “only I can’t figure how, seeing as you belong to me for good come Friday.”

“Oi,” he rumbles, “you’re wrong you know.” He allows it to sit there between them, and she could swear he can see her ire rising because he comes back with, “I’ve been yours for years now. You just needed to come to it in your own time,” at just the right juncture. 

She chuckles, hums her agreement. “I suppose you could always ring me when you’re out mowing the lawn. Start things going on the phone and then finish inside. Best of both worlds.”

“That turns you on, does it: axle grease on my shirt and bits of grass in my hair?” The grin he wears is audible and her heart does a funny little hiccup. 

She is caught on the back foot by the effervescent joy he radiates through the telephone line; she makes him happy. It’s still such a novel thought, and a part of her hopes that the wonderment will linger indefinitely. 

“As a matter of fact, yes, it does rather. As does finishing. With you inside …” She laughs in oversensitised agreement when he moans softly. “Better watch out or you’ll get me going again!”

“If that’s what you want, I'm happy to oblige, but I reckon I need a good few hours of sleep before a repeat performance.” He is slurring words now, clearly hitting a wall, and she wonders whether he’ll clean up first or simply collapse where he lies. 

“I’m so glad we played tonight, love. I took a big risk—“

“Tell me you weren’t thinking I’d be cross—“

“No; not cross, exactly, just … Look, we’re still new enough at this; there wasn’t a precedent. I suppose I thought perhaps you’d find me overly eager, or … I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter now because it went well and—“

“Isobel?” he interrupts. “Beauty, I say this … in the kindest way I know how … Do shut up.”

“I— Okay— I don’t—“ Whatever she thought he might say, that wasn’t it. 

“That was the single most erotic experience of my entire life. Don’t you dare go and try to qualify what you did. It was every fantasy I’ve ever had, all rolled into one, and you’d best be ready when I get home on Friday because, this quickly, I need you again. Alright?”

“What a hardship. However shall I bear it?”

“Are you ready, sweetheart? Because get ready—“ he tells her, but a yawn overtakes him, swallowing up the last few words. 

She laughs, full of joy and free of inhibition. “I’ll believe it when I see it, Major.”

“Oh, I’ll make a believer of ye.” He yawns again. “But now I’m for bed, and ye’d best be as well.”

She can see him stretched out amongst the covers, all loose-limbed and still bare, looking good enough to eat and warm and wonderful to lie with. The weight of distance rushes in, settles heavy on her heart. “I am, I— I will, soon. Just going to put the lad out, make sure we’re locked up. The trouble is, your pillow doesn’t hold me, or wake me up with a coffee and a kiss. Or wake me for other reasons entirely.”

“What can I do for you? Ring you in the morning?” He is so sincere; she can see the look in his eyes that accompanies his words. 

She swallows hard round the lump in her throat. “Only if it fits into your schedule. You know I’m alright. I’ll be fine.”

“Quite right; I do know. But you don’t sound convinced.”

“No, no; I’ll be brilliant. Elsie’s here and as soon as the tradesmen go we’ve plans to go shopping.  And I’ll cook something splendid in our brand new kitchen, and we’ll get squiffy together and it’ll be great fun. Alright?”

“There’s my girl,” he agrees. 

“ … But you’ll be on my mind the entire time, and I’ll be wondering what you’re doing whilst I’m getting breakfast, and trying on things I intend to buy for your enjoyment, and getting drunk and stupid.”

“That’s exactly as it’s meant to be, then. You know I’ll be waking up, wondering why you’re not there, soft and warm beside me, all sexy, sleepy eyes. And there’ll be a cold shower that’ll just succeed at taking the edge off, and after I’m through bitching about traffic and substandard coffee I’ll miss you beside me in theatre. Those looks you give that reassure me I’m still on my game; even the ones that say I’m making a hash of it and I’d best step aside. And when it’s all over and you’re not there to work the kinks out of my shoulders, or to lie on the couch with your head on my chest whilst the rugby’s on. You think it’s just you feeling out of sorts but it’s not, love. I’m only half myself when you’re not around.”

She’s silent for a moment, long enough that he calls her name. “Oh, hell, Richard. I hadn’t cried since early morning, and now that’s right out. I don’t deserve you, wonderful man.”

“That son of yours would beg to differ.”

He is referring, of course, to the conversation he had with Matthew in the pub as he was psyching himself up to propose to Isobel. The one during which Matthew told Richard that his mother was as happy with him in her life as she’d been with Matthew’s father. He’d also asserted that, between Isobel’s hand-wringing over whether he’d ever get round to asking, and Richard’s doubting that she’d ever accept him, they absolutely deserved one another. 

“Best not challenge him on that score then, eh? Right you are.” A conversational pause, and then, “You’re shattered, darling. I hear it in your voice. You’re a love to keep chatting to me, but I shan’t keep you any longer.”

“No, no; do stay on the line with me, please. I can’t feel you beside me, but you sound as if you’re right here. You haven’t got to say anything if you don’t want. Just listening to you breathe is lovely. Unless you think me exceedingly soppy, that is …”

“Hush, my love. There’s nothing I’d rather do. Now, are you comfortable? Not going to sleep on the wet spot, are you?”

He barks a laugh. “Nope. That’s what my t-shirt is for.”

“Ah. Very good.” She grins. “Alright, so we’ve just made love and you’re all … like you get—“

“Oh? And how’s that?”

“No more talking, pet. You’re all … lax and tousled. Sexy. Warm. Vulnerable. And you’re too sensitive, so you’ve turned on your side, facing away. But you fuss at me about wanting me close—“

“I do not fuss,” he objects. 

“I said, ‘hush.’ And you do so fuss, but luckily for you I find it endearing, so I press up against your back—“

“Still naked, I hope—“

“Oi. Whose story is this? I’m not the one has to be up for work in six hours. Now shall I continue, or what?”

“I’m a lovely man, remember. It’s what you said. And wonderful.” When she says nothing, he adds, “And I’m shutting up now.”

“Right. Yes, fine, I’m still naked, and I’m pressed up against your back, kissing the freckles on your shoulder blade. Running my fingers through your hair, across your forehead. Telling you all the things nobody else knows: that I love you, our life together. Who I am now that you’re with me, how you see the world.” She is rambling, but it’s just what she does when he’s there in her arms, both of them giddy with exhaustion. So she closes her eyes, breathing deep and becoming the story she’s telling. 

“I love the sound of your breath and the silk of your hair between my fingers, the way your heart beats through your back and into my chest. Like we’re one being. I love the way your brow smoothens out as you drop off to sleep, the way you breathe deeper, more freely. I love knowing that you trust me enough to let me hold you, your body and your heart, all the secrets you’ve shared with me. Just me. I’m so thankful that you’ve opened yourself up to me: your heart and your arms, your bed. Your life, present and future. I’m grateful to be where you are, darling man. I’ll always be yours. Your lover; your friend. Anything; everything that you need me to be.”

“I love you, Isobel,” she hears him breathe, barely conscious. 

“I know, husband mine. Sleep now. I’m with you. I am. And I love you so. With all I have and all that I am, I love you.”

[rcinberry]

hello pals . here thoust be with an about ? haha kisses love and respekt these hoes !

tw: familial death, murder 

STATS: full name: sebastian eli jung nickname(s): bas, bash, CALL HIM BA AND YOU DIE age: 23. date of birth: april 4th 1997 hometown: chicago, illinois  gender: cis male. religion: athiest. sexuality: bisexual. hair colour: blonde. here’s visuals of what he looks like currently, he’s always decked in accessories ! head to toe , he loves looking handsome n expensive, it’s like a personality trait to be that sexy yk?  .. xx (x) eye colour: brown. height: 5'10, i bumped up jimins height myob tattoos: (x) (left hand, the rose & cross only) , (x) (back of his neck), (x) on his inner left forearm,  piercings: two ear piercings in each, right cartilage piercing, (1) nipple piercing, had his tongue pierced when he was like 13 but that hole closed up now.

(i copied this family background from ellie bc she summed it up OFKMGDHG)

immediate family: richard & elizabeth jung (parents), silvia jung (twin brother, younger), and bambi & thumper (pure golden bred golden retrievers, bambi’s owner)

extended family: jeremy jung (uncle, father’s twin, deceased), jeremy’s husband (uncle)

started out as world renowned physicians, but would later own the best hospitals around the world

became a household name because of their big role/impact in the medical world and later the business world

twins run in the family and theres been a set of jung twins in every generation so far (aka richard & jeremy, silvia & sebastian)

mom was the hardass, dad was the softy

richard and elizabeth got divorced when the twins were 19 years old, the fortune/businesses was split between the two

the dad basically disappeared after the divorce happened, the mom is a witch

the twins were always closer to their dad and uncle

in addition to their family life 

sebastian does not get along w his mother at all, she sees him as scum and he sees her as disgrace and a money hungry person, he saw to that when she murdered his uncle before him. they hate each other but he’d never express tht hate in front of silvia, although when silvia isn’t around his mom hurls horrible insults at him and he fights back

will protect silvia till the end of the world he would jump fences for his sister, the only girl that he truly loves even if she hates him currently

loves his dog a lot, bambi is his baby.. his emotional support animal

misses his dad terribly and wishes he’d reach out, he’s tried a few times, hired the best PI and couldn’t find it. his dad doesn’t want to be found or does he? 

which leads to how sebastian is so afraid to be himself and love because mom, a bitch, dad? god knows why he bailed when he needed him the most. 

whomst is sebastian , condensed  !

sebastian is a boy who has seen his uncle die in front of him, so tht fucked him up a lot. like he can be difficult but that’s because he watched someone die and the loving boy he was once was no more... and then to lose his dad right after was a pretty fucked up burden for him to carry into his teen years, he tried not to let it show for silvia’s sake but that kind went down the drain in their 20′s

he rlly only ever looked out for silvia when he was growing up, he didn’t really care about anyone else and that was a product of his mothers neglect, he didn’t want the same for silvia to see her thrive made him happy, he loves his twin a lot 

after his uncle died, and they all got the riches of the family business, he rly saw his mom do a 360 and saw how much money changed the bitch, he rly hates that hag he rlly does, she lets her own son rot and makes sure silvia never feels the way he does around her so he sucks up his pride sometimes

anyways growing up !! he's always been home schooled, unlike silvia he never did anything? he doesnt need to? now that he’s dripping wealth he’s like i can buy excellence i dont need to be work my ass off like yall, bye <3

he’s very cautious of people, you know how the old trope goes.. once betrayed never trust again - that’s him, hardly lets anyone into his circle, it’s so small it’s just himself tbh

anyways , he spent most of his teen years traveling and wandering the world bc it's sexier than being home and u could be whoever u wanna be across seas , not tht he ever faked his identity, his name has meaning n he uses tht for his advantage. even home schooled, he’d be doing school in italy, france, greece, maldives you name it, his experience was the outside world and he’s seen a lot

sebastian doesn't hide himself , like what u see is . esstentially what u see x he has never faked it for the cameras, always authentically and annoyingly himself

he knows he's not a pleasant person and if u can't u can't hang. he's not gna make himself a pleasant person to hang out with , if u wnna curse him out ? curse him out he rly doesn't phase at all like he's rly heard it ALL from his mother that nothing else rly hurts , it takes a lot to hurt him

unless ur silvia, anything that girl says breaks his heart but he doesnt let it show his .00007 centimeter of whats left in his chest

moving on, he's rly the type to show up anyone out of spite . say he can't do it ? watch him do it perfectly the next day , he doesn't like being shown to be stupid bc as much as he does as dumb , he rly isn't the boy has a lot of knowledge up in his brain , he likes playing stupid for the aesthetic. like the jungs come from a line of brains and such, silvia has the brains and the drive - sebastian just... hides it, never shows up to class, pays it off by buying a new wing for the school.. 

but when he does do smthn to show up ppl, does it w grace and a smile on his face or if he wants to prove someone wrong, does it with ease

he interrupts people's tasks bc he doesn't want one of those tasks to be involving silvia at all 

he is a Whore , he just fucks anything honestly u yell at him n he's just . HE's jsut full of himself makes me wnna punch him uhh i thin kthats it!! hes just , a damaged self absorbed son of a binch u kno , gets his shit rocked sometimes and he just laughs it off wipes tears , god  bless