#S tier comedy

[lucky-numberme]

more scummy meme, this time featuring this post by @mohglet

[leclerc-s]

was that an aston martin? in a ditch?

[bogkeep]

someone on a podcast i listen to said most comedy tiktoks have funny concepts but go on for so long they become unfunny. i can't unsee it now, the timing really does matter so much. and i don't want to romanticize the vine days because all we're left with now are compilations of the Most Iconic Vines which isn't the full picture, but on the other hand. they really are so iconic. watching a really good vine compilation truly makes me appreciate the power of editing, distillation, of the punch, of the snappiness,

[transgeoffrickly]

is it a red flag that i think it's really really funny to call traits that real people have canon. e.g. anthony green is canonically bisexual

[some-pers0n]

I'm so close to writing about a character being beaten over the head with a rusty shovel and bleeding out dying to prove just how easy angst is to write

[cyberdragoninfinity]

undefined

i swear to god like every other zexal dub episode has some moment of the best and funniest comedic timing i’ve ever SEEN. THIS HAS ME WHEEZING!!!!

[yokelfelonking]

Post 9/11 Trivia

Most folks on this site were either children on September 11, 2001, or weren’t even born yet.  But America went crazy for about a year afterwards.  Here’s some highlights that I remember that might not be in your history books:

There was national discussion on whether or not Halloween should be canceled because…fuck if I know why.  After planes crashed into buildings in NYC it follows that 6-year-olds in Iowa shouldn’t be allowed to dress up like Batman and ask their neighbors for candy, I guess.  (Halloween wasn’t canceled, by the way.)

On a similar note, people asked if comedy - any sort of comedy - was appropriate anymore, ever.

People sold shitty parachutes to suckers “in case your building gets attacked and you have to jump out the window.” There were honest-to-God news reports warning people not to jump out of the window with shitty mail-order parachutes because they wouldn't work.

As a follow-up to the attacks, someone mailed anthrax to some prominent politicians and news anchors - you know, famous people - along with some badly-written notes about “you cannot stop us, death to America, Allah is good” and after that every time some random dumbass found a package in the mail they didn’t recognize they thought that the terrorists were targeting them, too.

Everyone was similarly convinced that their town was going to be the next target, even if they were a little town in the middle of nowhere. "Our town of Bumblefuck, South Dakota (population 690) has the largest styrofoam pig statue west of the Mississippi! Terrorists might fly planes into that too! It's a prime target!"

People started taping up their windows and trying to make their houses or apartments airtight out of fear of chemical and biological attacks. There were news reports warning people that turning your house into an airtight box was a bad idea because, y'know, you need air to breathe.

"[X] supports terrorism!" and “if we do [X], the terrorists win!” were used as arguments for everything.  "Some rich Arab you never heard of donated to his organization that backs Hamas which backs al-Queda, and also owns stock in a holding company that has partial ownership of the Pringles company, so if you eat Pringles you're supporting terrorism!" "The terrorists want to tear down our freedoms and our way of life and rule us through fear! Eating what you want is one of our freedoms as Americans! If you're afraid to eat Pringles, the terrorists win!" (I promise you that this sort of argument is in no way hyperbole.) (This argument is how Halloween was saved, by the way.  “If we cancel Halloween, the terrorists win!”)

People worked 9/11 into everything, and I mean everything, whether it was appropriate or not.  If you went to the grocery store the tortilla chips would remind you to support the troops on the packaging. Used car sales would be dedicated to our brave first responders. You couldn't wipe your ass without the toilet paper rolls reminding you to never forget the fallen of 9/11, and again, this is not hyperbole. My uncle, who lived in Ohio and had never been to New York except to visit once in the 70′s, died of a stroke about 8 months after 9/11, and the priest brought up the attacks at the eulogy.

On a similar local note, on the day of 9/11, after the towers went down, gas stations in my home town immediately jacked up gas prices.  The mayor had the cops go around and force them to take them back down.  I doubt any of that was legal.

Before 9/11, Christianity in America - and religion in general - was on a downward swing, with reddit-tier atheism on the upswing. Religion was outdated superstition from a bygone age. The day after 9/11? Every single church was PACKED. (This wasn't a bad thing, but the power-hungry on the Evangelical Right saw this as a golden opportunity to grab power and influence.)

EDIT: By Popular Demand - Freedom Fries. I initially left these off because they came a couple years after the initial panic and most people thought they were kind of absurd (and I don't recall anyone really going along with it other than maybe some local diners here and there). France didn't want to get involved in our world policing so some folks were like "TRAITORS!" and wanted to call french fries "Freedom Fries" instead, so as to stick it to the French.

Besides dumb shit like that…it’s really hard to overstate how completely the national mood and character changed in the span of a day, or how much of the current culture war is a result of the aftermath. (9/11 was the impetus for the sharp rise in power of the Evangelical Right, who made themselves utterly odious and the following backlash helped the rise of the current Progressive Left, for instance.)

And if all of this seems batshit...well, it was. But I want you to think for a moment how people react today over even trivial shit. People send death threats over children's cartoons. They call for blood if the maker of a video game had an opinion they don't like. If someone made a racist joke a decade ago when they were a teenage edgelord, folks will go after people who even associate with them. "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ALL THE HARM THEY'RE DOING!?"

Now take that same level of over-the-top histrionics and apply it to the unprecedented event of passenger planes crashing into crowded buildings in America's most populous city and killing thousands of people all at once. "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WE WERE ATTACKED!?"

[iceunhie]

— phaethetically in love !

premise. belle thinks her brother is the most oblivious person in sixth street. the reason? one: because his (super obvious) crush on you is practically the worst kept secret in new eridu, and two: because he can't even see that said crush is reciprocated! good thing he has one (1) amazing, wonderful, nosy sister to help him out, yeah?

or, belle thinks the two of you are a prime example of an s tier romance movie; and she really wants to skip to the final arc already.

pairing. wise x gn!reader.

warnings: kinda ooc wise (i just started the game), wise is a loser (lovingly), belle is an instigator (proudly), comedy, facepalm moments.

a/n: for @vxnuslogy and @milksnake-tea bc yes wise kissers yes

MY (rlly cool btw 🥺) MASTERLIST || INBOX !

“you're in love with [name], aren't you?”

like all siblings in the world—or what's left of it, belle schemes.

(against wise, of course. obviously.)

her brother bursts into a mess immediately, nearly spilling his cup ramen all over his new shirt, chopsticks sticking out. laughing nervously. general chop would not be proud. “who told you that? i mean— haha, who said that, belle?”

his sister rolls her eyes. “me, myself. i.” she emphasizes, leaning her elbows against the table and putting her palms together; the grin she wears right now is so serene, but not in the angelic, nice way. belle smiles and wise finally thinks, oh. my sister may need to book herself to the closest self-help guru in new eridu.

“i have reason to believe that you, my dearest brother, are in love with [name].”

her voice goes up an octave at the last bit, leading wise to stuff her mouth with potato chips. already, heads have turned. “mff.”

“keep your voice down! and stop broadcasting it to everyone here-”

“what, i am right, aren't i? they clearly like you back, so why haven't you confessed yet?”

“keep. your. voice. down.” wise says, and belle's shit eating grin only widens as she sees her brother's ears tinged with pink. “and... how did you even know that?” he asks, mortified.

“well, one: because it's obvious—like, have you seen how obvious you are?” belle huffs, taking a bite of the potato chip with force (personal grudges are involved). “and two, because they like you back, dummy!”

because when belle sees the two of you together, it's like wise focuses on no one else. you are the center of his world—and he is just being pulled to bask in your light. his eyes soften like they melt only for you, and wise looks like all he is is, all he wants to be, is to belong with you.

(and, wise likes to stare at you for ungodly amounts of time. belle even caught him staring when you were petting a cat by the street and decided to name the stray ‘wise’; courtesy of him, apparently. the cat literally just had grey fur.

“wise.”

“hm?”

“you're practically spawning heart eyes now.”)

it's sickening. (in a oh my god my brother is in love kind of way, mind you.)

“so!” belle says, a devilish sparkle in her eyes. “allow your dearest sister to help you out, 'kay?”

wise nearly coughs up blood.

“what?!”

so at present, belle compiles her (hastily written) list of romantic moments you and wise have shared. she's not surprised—the number can be counted on one hand. diabolical, disappointing, world-ending! she resists the urge to cough up blood.

first, a coff cafe date with tin man's help: a fail. tin man's wingman capabilities were very superb, but she never heard the end of it when wise was lecturing her about how tin man kept sending over heart shaped desserts and little fortune cookies. the fortune cookies in question which said ‘you can do it!’ and a latte with art of caricature tin man making a heart. (you were very confused). belle thought it was motivating. wise thought it was mortifying.

next, even instilling help from fairy to calculate statistics about what event would you two be likely to be together. fairy said, and belle quotes: “probably never. that kind of pining's for the long run, with the other master's current experience. give it a year or six, master.”

so, she's currently face-palming.

did her brother really have zero game? why were the two of you just dancing around each other?! she's tried everything—from letting you two spend more time with each other in commissions, her inviting you over more to leave you to chat with her brother, and even the entirety of sixth street has lent their aid! how were you two not dating yet?!

“didn't they go on an arcade date at random play yesterday?” belle mutters. “that should've increased your progress by a long mile, bro! even general chop said you two were really, really close in the noodle shop....”

just what was she going to do now? at this rate, her brother would be relationshipless in no time! in fairy's words again, it would be phaethetic. and that would be a phaethal blow on her pride.

“...master, i said no such thing.”

“well, now you did.”

“The Ethereal Reckoning,” there's a pep in your step, the boxes full of movie DVDs in your arms as you walk back to the movie store. it was heavy, but at least you got to walk with the grey-haired proxy beside you. “That movie was great! Thanks for recommending it to me.”

Sporting a dopey, lovesick grin in response, wise nods at that, content to listen to your voice. it was actually belle's idea to let you lend movies you like over so the two of you could talk about it back and forth. wise would need to (begrudgingly) treat her to a bowl of ramen later on.... she saved him—he probably wouldn't even be talking to you for this long at this point, let alone hang out with you without her. for someone so nosy, he guesses his sister was a pretty good wingwoman.

“the main character was pretty similar to billy, you know?” you ramble on as wise listens. “i mean, because they were an android too, and...”

he finds that he's content to listen to anything you say, really. (right now he doesn't really know what you're saying, something about a horror ethereal movie, but you could just tell him anything and he would listen).

“i feel like the heroine's death was unnecessary, though.” you sigh, “too much tension just for it to end like that? how anticlimactic.”

your voice was so nice, so warm and easy to listen to, and wise can't even say anything to retort, simply staring with a growing (lovesick) smile on his face. talking to people was hard work, and talking to you? it might just make him combust.

“...ise? wise?”

“ah, huh?” he snaps out of his trance, only to find you mere inches away from his face, the only thing keeping you apart the boxes full of movies he's carrying. “...!”

“are you listening?” you furrow, and someone really might be out to get him right now because in that moment, wise flinches from the proximity, bumping into you.

then, because the universe thinks his life couldn't get more dramatic than it already was—you stagger, about to fall forward.

he moves before he thinks. “watch out!”

and wise.... practically astral-projects to another plane when he feels you fall into his arms, his hands on your waist. he can feel the warmth of your skin on his, the flustered look on your face. (he feels like he's going to die).

the two of you lock eyes for a moment, and wise feels like he's about to so something very stupid and his hands are still on your waist—

“....”

“.....”

someone save him.

“ah...”

“sorry!” you recover first, hurriedly letting yourself pull away from him (much to his disappointment). “i wasn't looking, and i- are you okay, wise?”

“no, no, it's fine.... i-i'm fine....” he hopes his voice isn't as small as it is, he couldn't be smooth to save his life; and wise helps you gather your bearings, his hands brushing against yours, blood rushing to his ears. sheepishly rubbing at his nape. “sorry, i was distracted.”

perhaps in the mood to lift the atmosphere, you sputter out, “no worries! it's fine! besides, you listened to me all this time.... i really enjoyed the movie, really.”

“of course i'll listen.” and before wise can think to stop his traitor of a mouth, the words spill out of his lips like it always wanted to be.

“you're worth paying attention to.”

it's automatic—your face heats up, warming like the sun on a hot day in new eridu, and god, he is such an idiot-

“you think so?” wise gulps. you looked bashful, and were way too adorable right now, and his face felt like it was on fire.... wait, that's not the point! he has to answer you, at least. this is a chance to make progress!

“y-yeah. definitely. i enjoyed... watching the movie with you.” he says. did his voice just crack just now? “we can hang out more often too, even without belle.”

he feels bad for throwing his sister under the bus like that, but—wait, did he just ask you out on a date? (accidentally)

well, it didn't matter because wise feels like he won the lottery right now, because you brighten up immediately. “really?”

then you cough and compose yourself. “i mean, sure! i'm sure it'll be fun, haha...”

awkward silence ensues. uh oh, did he say something wrong? was he too forward? he wants to say something, but something is lodged in his throat, and wise can't bring up a response. (his heart was beating like crazy right now, though).

“uh...”

“....”

then, something soft brushes against the side of his cheek. as fast as it was felt, wise felt the sensation leave just as easily. did you just-?

you just kissed him. on the cheek.

“thanks for hanging out with me, wise.”

“you're welcome- wha- huh?!” he nearly drops the stack of dvd's he was holding. you pull away, an enigmatic smile on your face. face flushed.

before he can even respond, the two of you finally arrive at the movie store. damn it, gods of the world. why did his luck run out now?

“i guess this is your stop.” he blinks, your voice coming back to him. “and, wise?”

“ah, uh, yeah?”

“it's a date, then?” your eyes sparkle and shine a light through his heart. super effective!

is this really happening? is he really going on a date with you—oh, he's so thrilled he could actually burst into song and kick his feet, but belle would tease him ruthlessly after. nosy sisters were so much work....

“yes!” he almost yells it out, but because he didn't want to look uncool in front of you, wise composes himself. play it cool, play it cool. don't mess up this chance! “yes, definitely. it's... it's a date.”

you put down the other stack of dvd's down the table, flashing him a dizzying, lovely smile smile. wise swears he falls even harder for you.

“then it's a date.”

BONUS.

“seriously?! you're going on a date with them?!” belle shouts, so unceremoniously that wise slaps a hand on her mouth.

“not so loud! but, yeah.” he says, face heating up. “your plan worked, sis.”

“yes! yes! finally!” his sister practically cheers, “i can finally be free of your sickening heart eyes... and finally, our street's most anticipated couple is here!”

wise can't help but sigh in fond exasperation. he guesses he'll let her have this one today.

“also, belle?”

“what?”

“you didn't tell anyone about this, did you?”

...

“uhh....”

(on the day of the date, wise receives an abnormal amount of good luck posters. he also gets a disturbing amount of thumbs up from the neighbors.

the last straw? tin man, giving him a baked cake with the words ‘rooting for you!’ covered in pink heart sprinkles.

he facepalms. belle...!)

a/n: d d do you guys get it..... phaethetically...... phaethon..... wise is phaethon and he's awkward in love lol hahahahaha (💀)

@ ICEUNHIE: do not repost translate or plagiarize my works.

[etoilesbienne]

C tier comedy: the germans end up all being men again B tier comedy: the germans end up being all men and one or two girls A tier comedy: the germans are all women and one man S tier comedy: the germans are all women S+ tier comedy: the germans are all women and roier has to go through the mental turmoil that he is no longer able to have a boyfriend from each language

[kingofbodyrolls]

Jungkook fic recs 2023

In honor of Jungkook’s birthday, I want to share my ultimate favorite Jungkook fanfictions, that I’ve read this year 💜I want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing ✨ All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart 🥹

❗Most of these fics are smutty as hell, so minors dni.❗ 

If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original fic’s post 💜And if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated 🙂

BTS fic rec index → May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep (💜)(knj) | Oct (pjm) | Nov (*) | Dec (ksj)(kth) |

Emoji meaning → angst = 🌩️, smut = 🥵, fluff = 🥰, comedy = 😂. 

⭐Two point Five: pt1, pt2, pt3 [series] by @bratkook // jjk x f.reader // handyman!jk, s2f2l // 🥵🥰

📝 Who would have thought booking a handyman from an app would lead to this. sure, you wish he’d mount you instead of just your television, but you could totally be friends. Right?

🗨️ This is also one of my all time favorites! 💎There is just something incredibly hot about handyman JK 🥵 It is so good, juicy, smutty and there’s comedy in it too! Please don’t be sleeping on this one.

⭐Caught Me by @jeongi // jjk x f.reader // roommate!au, e2l // 🥵😂

📝 You hate your temporary roommate, jungkook and it doesn’t help that he’s been catching you at the most inconvenient of times.

🗨️ This is a fucking MASTERPIECE 💖 I love the banter and comedy, how JK gets on readers nerves 😂 I love absolutely every fucking thing about this and don’t get me started on the smut 🔥🔥 🔥

⭐The Forgotten Spaces [completed series] by @oddinary4bts // jjk x reader // college!au, dancer!au + e2l // 🌩️🥵🥰

📝 You’ve been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

🗨️ This is truly a masterpiece! The writing is perfection and the characters have so much soul, dimension, hurt and love. It is exceptional 👏🏾♥️ you just have to read this gem 💎

⭐McD*ckin by @jinned // jjk x f.reader // slice of life, fast food worker!jk, customer!reader, s2l // 🥵😂

📝 “So, if I’m so predictable,” you tease, running your finger along his clothed chest, “what am I going to do next?”

🗨️ I’d like to order a McChicken please 🙋🏾‍♀️🥵💦 this was funny, and actually made me laugh like a freak at some points 🤣 also the second hand embarrassment 😳🙈 It really cheered me up. I really liked the ordering menu when reader arrived 🙈🤭 also the ending, which was unexpected for me, but I quite liked it because it wasn’t “super happy and lovey dovey” like most of the stories I read, but still open 😊

⭐The Wedding Planners by @gukyi // jjk x f.reader // e2l, wedding!au // 🥰🥵🌩️

📝 Jeon Jungkook is three things: cocky, terrible, and your worst enemy. Then your best friend Hoseok gets engaged to the love of his life, and suddenly Jeon Jungkook is four things: cocky, terrible, your worst enemy, and the man you will be spending the next seven months with in order to plan your best friend’s wedding. And then, as if your life couldn’t get any shittier, you make the poor decision of sleeping with him on the first day of the job.

⭐In the Dark by @jksangelic // jjk x pjm x f.reader // threesome, f2l, mxm  // 🥵😂

📝 “I can’t get a signal on my phone, the car is dead, and I’m fairly certain we are out of matches.”

⭐Oh My God, They Were (Quarantined) Roommates 💯 by @ot7always // jjk x f.reader // college!au, roommates!au // 🥰🥵

📝 What do you do when you’re quarantined for months on end with Jeon Jungkook - S tier cuddler, workout robot, and thirst trap extraordinaire? Fuck him, you guess.

⭐Anpanman by @honeymoonjin // jjk x f.reader // bf2l // 🥵😂🥰

📝 Your best friend jungkook finally convinces you to seek therapy for your failing mental health. the only catch? the one therapist that’s within your price range is an alternative marriage counsellor, jung hoseok, and the only way jungkook managed to get you an appointment was by saying the two of you were married. will couples counselling actually be useful for your wellbeing, or will something that runs much deeper rise to the surface instead?

⭐The Boy with Galaxies in His Eyes by @oddinary4bts // jjk x reader // idol!au + fwb2l // 🌩️🥵🥰

📝 You had never thought the night sky could be found in someone’s eyes. That is, until you met Jeon Jungkook and his gravity pulled you in. Will he crush you with the galaxies in his eyes, or will you learn to explore his worlds and make them yours?

🗨️ It is a long one, but damn is it worth it! It will take you for the very best rollercoaster ride of your life. So if you haven’t read this yet, what are you honestly doing with your life? 

Borahae and happy birthday Kookie 💜 🥳 🎂 

[gffa]

You know what?  I had a good time with the Mando s3 premiere!  It legitimately was a lot of fun to watch and I found I couldn’t wait to get on-line and make shitposts about it, which is the truest sign of my affection for something.

How could I hate that they chose the objectively funniest route for explaining Grogu’s return happening in a completely separate series:  DON’T EXPLAIN SHIT.  THROW YOUR AUDIENCE IN THE DEEP END OF THE POOL.  SINK OR SWIM, ASSHOLES.

There were purrgils!  We all know we’re never getting a proper Rebels sequel, but I will take the small crumb of seeing my beloved space whales.

Greef Karga’s fashion game is ON POINT, that man was looking absolutely fucking fine, finally we have a worthy cape successor to Lando Calrissian.  The man brought along two droids to keep the hem of his cape off the floor, for fuck’s sake.  #ICONIC

KALEVALA IN LIVE ACTION!?!?  GASP.

Bo-Katan’s wig is a THOUSAND PERCENT BETTER this season, like where the fuck was this previously, this looks so much more like her!

Speaking of my beloved hot mess of a wife who is also a bitch:  I am THRIVING with how angry and messy she is, lounging around on her family’s throne in the castle on Kalevala like she doesn’t care, when she is burning with how much she cares.  Everyone has abandoned Mandalore, she feels utterly defeated, and she is so angry but so broken about it.  Girl, I am making you some soup right this minute, even though I know you’re just going to throw it at the wall in a fit of anger.  Love you, gorgeous.

GROGU DOING THE SPINNY THING AND LAUGHING, SPEED DEMON BABY IS BACK

I thought I was going to hate the Anzellans being put in this, but the MINUTE they started talking and going “Bad baby.” I was irl cackling, PUT THOSE GUYS IN EVERYTHING, THEY ARE HILARIOUS.

Grogu trying to squeeze one of the Anzellans because he wanted a pet was TOP TIER COMEDY.

And on the opposite end of the emotional scale, jesus FUCK IG-11′s torso crawling across the floor to try to kill a baby, practically fucking skittering at warp speed, was TERRIFYING.

I had a good time!  I have affection for everyone in this bar!  That’s all I’m gonna ask of this show.

[rats-hyperfixation-corner]

gg ship tier list bc fuck it (explanations under cut)

F

Asuka x HC: i don't like mentor and mentee dynamics, also i headcannon HC as aro/ace and really not wanting a relationship unless it's for the memes

A.B.A x Ramleathal: i don't want ram to get hurt

all the bedman ones: isn't he like at most in his teens?

I-no x HC: i don't think i-no likes HC at all

Millia x zato: i think their dynamic is more father/daughter. i just think that makes Zato's redemption far more interesting

D

Sol x Ky: let them be rivals

May x Chipp: why? i think they'd kill eachother

Chipp x Nago: why? (pt.2)

Bridget x Sin: would be great friends, but i can't see them as a couple

Gio x Goldlewis: see above

C

crushing apathy for all of them

B

Pot x Gabriel: i like it

Johnny x leo: a fun himbo x himbo bRomance

I-no x Jack-o: the silly

Goldlewis x Vernon: i get he hates his job, but old man yaoi

Bridget x jam: i wish i could tell you. i just think it's fun

April x May: they give comedy duo vibes, and comedy are always homoerotic

Anji x Chipp:

Anji x Asuka: Anji flirting with the dude who blew up his home will always be funny

Asuka x I-no x Raven x Jack-o: i would not want to be next to their booth at dennys. so i like it

Asuka x Raven: (see april x may)

A

Asuka x Sol: weird enemies to lovers that i like

Sol x Axl: i like the idea of the comic relief x the MC

Ky x Dizzy: not the best but im a sucker for cannon, and their marryed

Chipp x Answer: nerd x dumbass. i like it

Leo x Ram: i think it's super cute

I-no x Axl: LORE

Millia x Elphelt: wasn't expecting to like it as much i as do, but i find it sweet

S

Robo-ky x Venom: my sillies

Slayer x Sharon: dandy

Johnny x Testament: my other sillies. also fanartists do better with this one

A.B.A x Paracelsus: i love these two

Baiken x Anji:

Aria x Sol: most of the plot comes from this so yeah it's a given

Sol x Jack-o: super wholesome ,and also I tend to like cannon ships a lot

[ouroborosorder]

big fan of harpygirls i see

you do not understand the love in my heart for anime harpygirls. if i could be a harpy i would. my hands aren't important. i have wings. it's better.because you have to hold things with the little bent elbows on the end like they're little paws covered in feathers. that's the pinnacle. the way that harpygirls groom their feathers usually as some sort of gag or physical comedy or blatant excuse for being horny but i'm fine with that because i will always be horny for harpies. and the way that we've all unilaterally agreed on chestwraps for harpies, the single hottest article of clothing, with the wings providing the color contrast that a jacket would normally provide, mimicking the effect of the S+ tier "chestwrap with a big jacket" combo,, but the visual balance is restored due to the big talons, meaning that overall a perfectly balanced design where verything exists in a perfect harmony. the fact that harpygirl colors are blue! green! purple! those are the harpy colors! and they're all perfect! sometimes you get harpies designed to mimic actual birds and they're literally peak because how do you design a character carrying the visual traits of a bird into a human design conveys a lot about how much you love the bird and what traits on the bird you deam critical. and they're versatile!!! you like knifeplay? they got talons. you into tickling? feathers, baby. you like... egg stuff? not for me, don't understand it, but i've got great news about the amount of harpy egg porn on the internet. you want art of a cute girl screaming at people? harpies. there;s nothing they can't do. no, that's a lie. There's many things they cannot do. the fact that they do what they do and they do it perfectly. they are beautiful birds, nothing more and nothing less. this is the appeal of the harpygirl. you must love harpies. i wish i was a harpy. i want to kiss a harpy. if i could design myself a vtuber avatar it would be a fucking harpy just so i could look at it and pretend for a single moment that i am a harpy. i feel the same way about harpies that laios dungeon meshi feels about beastmen. i respect them and also want to be them and also want to fuck them. do you understand. the worst day of my life was learning about the arknights liberi because from then on my next question was "can they be a harpy" and the answer is a resounding "not really." and to this day it haunts me. i genuinely have considered comissioning art of a harpygirl i can use as an avatar just so i can go through my day with even a fraction of the gender euphoria i experience when i see a harpy. do you get it. do you UDNERSTAND.

[quinton-reviews]

You 🤝 Me

Agreeing that Globs of Doom is an S-Tier show

To be fair though, I think you were also right about nostalgia (what game did they play as a kid) being a factor, because that was the only one we owned.

Also that was some very fascinating commentary on boxes, especially that spooky one with the bear and the scary words that the developers probably didn't intend for anyone to read with the dolphin emulator and everything.

Also, I didn't know that Steve sang the theme song for Young Sheldon! My sister likes that comedy. I think that's one of the best things about your videos: there always ends up being some fun trivia in there that I can then mention later to family or friends to start an interesting conversation.

I'm glad you liked the video! Feedback like this really gets me going.

This Kmart is huge btw.

[jemimasillabub]

LU characters if they worked at a zoo

I've been inspired by @skyloftian-nutcase 's Linked Universe in Healthcare. I decided to write down what I think each of the boys would do if they all worked at a zoo.

Time

Time is the floater. He knows everything about every department and is always on top of the gossip, sometimes before the actual members of said department. He’s been known to switch departments multiple times throughout the day so he doesn’t get bored. Regulars love to guess where they’ll find Time working throughout the day.

Warriors

Warriors was meant for the stage. He would definitely be in the Shows department, and he would be the top trainer. His animals would be jumping through hoops, dancing, singing, the whole shebang. And his surly assistant would keep the crowd in hysterics.

Sky

Birds. Sky THRIVES with these psychos. His favorite macaw is named Sunshine and she will gladly try to murder anyone else that comes near her.

Twilight

I know most people would probably jump straight to wolves because of Wolfie and all, but I disagree. Twilight Princess is the game where you get to cradle cats and dogs like little babies and they follow you around. There is NO WAY that Twilight would work with animals that he wasn’t able to cuddle. AND he’s a rancher. So, he would work the children’s petting zoo area, which is usually a bunch of livestock. Twilight would get to cuddle and perform farm work to his softy heart’s content.

Legend

Legend is a drama queen. He would ALSO be in the Shows department. His bickering with Warriors is TOP TIER comedy, and it would drive the crowd wild. They would eat it up. While Warriors would be the head trainer, Legend would write all the scripts and design the costumes.

Four

Maintenance, no question. One of the freezers isn’t working? Give Four an hour and he’ll give you a freezer that has separate compartments for different temperatures. Loudspeakers on the fritz? Four can make them activate by pointing at them. He can fix and improve anything.

Hyrule

Hyrule is the on-site veterinarian. His focus is on wellness checks and keeping all the animals healthy, but he can perform surgeries and other medical procedures in an emergency.

Wild

Wild works in the commissary. He spends all morning passing out the meals to every department, and then the afternoon is spent making tomorrow’s food. Wild is also in charge of food inventory and unloading and putting away the food that gets delivered. If there’s any extra time in the day, he hangs out with Twilight at the petting zoo.

Wind

Penguins.

[rtfics]

"The Zen-Dad Wisdom of Michael Keaton."

Thirty-five years after playing the Ghost With the Most made him into an A-list star (and, soon after, a superhero), the legendary screen eccentric whom Jenna Ortega calls “strangely normal” returns to old haunts in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, and tells GQ what he’s learned from surviving decades in a fickle business: “You can get insecure and nervous, and go, ‘Wow, boy, I'm not doing so great right now.’ But when you get desperate, you're dead.”

By Gabriella PaiellaPhotography by Christine Hahn

August 19, 2024

He is wandering around the restaurant, hunting for a quieter table, in the unselfconscious way of the older dad. Dressed like one, too: baseball cap, polo shirt, jeans, practical sneakers. He is, after all, a Pittsburgh-born, Montana-dwelling, fly-fishing, practical-sneaker-wearing father and grandfather, a visitor to the big city of New York, just looking for a quieter restaurant table. But he is also Michael Keaton—of Beetlejuice and Batman and Mr. Mom and about a million other blockbusters, grosser of multiple billions at the box office, and bona fide movie star.

He scopes out the bar. No luck there, but he at least returns with a glass of tequila. We try another table, which is…fine. Then the hostess points out a back booth, which she assures him is the quietest in the restaurant. Finally, then, we’re settled.

Or, as settled as you’re going to get when you’re talking to Michael Keaton. At 72, he’s still wiry, if slightly more worn. But that energy, man. It made him a top-tier guest on Letterman in the ’80s, doing rambling non-sequitur bits about esoteric Bazooka Joe cartoons. In conversation, it feels like mainlining cold brew while strapped to a bullet train.

It’s the type of energy that helped him flawlessly resurrect Beetlejuice, in Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, out this September. It’s funny and a bit strange that Keaton—despite having such a long and varied career that has coalesced into him being known as an American everyman—remains famously and indelibly associated with a perverted demonic entity covered in mold. In the same way that it’s conversely funny and a bit strange that 1988’s Beetlejuice, a scrappy and bizarre gothic horror comedy directed by a then-29-year-old Tim Burton, has become such an American institution.

Keaton is at that age when you naturally start looking back on what you’ve accomplished and are considering questions like legacy. Questions that you’d expect would be front of mind for someone returning to a project he first embarked on 35 years back, an entire lifetime ago. And it’s not that Keaton does not think about these things. But it soon becomes clear that he does not really give much of a shit.

About 10 years ago, another, tangential narrative seemed to be developing around Keaton, when he starred in Alejandro González Iñárritu’s Birdman, about a washed-up actor best known for playing a superhero staging a theatrical production. This was framed as his big Oscar-winning comeback.

“A really, really, really smart guy, a guy I liked a lot, said, ‘Comeback—that's the story,’” Keaton tells me. “I went, ‘Honestly, it's kind of bullshit.’”

He had been working steadily, all these years, putting himself out there, and collecting paychecks.

“I thought I could make that story up, but I knew I'm going to be bullshitting every time I talk about it,” he adds. “By the way, I know business. I like business. Doesn't bother me. You go, ‘This is a business, man.’”

And if Keaton has learned anything, it’s to be fine with the business, with the inevitable ups and downs. “I never panic,” he says. “If you get desperate, you're fucked. Don't ever get desperate. You can get insecure and nervous, and go, ‘Wow, boy, I'm not doing so great right now.’ But when you get desperate, you're dead.”

The long, gnarly road back to Beetlejuice began shortly after the success of the first one. There were, as there tend to be, talks. Talks that didn’t go anywhere. Talks about making it tropical—Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian was on the table for a while. Scripts were commissioned, written, and rewritten. And then, a few years back, the talks began again in earnest.

When Burton finally had his hands on a script he felt good about, he shared it with Keaton. The actor felt good too, though he had some stipulations.

In the first movie, Beetlejuice gets a whopping total of 17 minutes of screen time, which is pretty wild when you realize what a knockout presence he was. “Keaton is like an exploding head,” wrote film critic Pauline Kael, reviewing Beetlejuice in The New Yorker. “He isn’t onscreen nearly enough—when he is, he shoots the film sky high.”

Part of the deal was, if Keaton were to come back, he didn’t want to take up more space. “The idea was, no, no, no, you can't load it up with Beetlejuice, that'll kill it,” Keaton says. “I think the Beetlejuice character doesn't drive the story as much as he did in the first one. He's more part of the storyline in this one as opposed to the first one, which is a case of, this thing comes in and drives the movie a little bit.”

He was also adamant that the 2024 version preserve the handmade spirit of the original Beetlejuice, rather than leaning on CGI. “When I say handmade, it's literally handmade,” Keaton says. We’re talking ghoulish puppets, outlandish set design—the kind of thing, he notes, “that’s really hard to do in 2024.” He had reason to insist: “For the most part, [with CGI] I think a lot of audiences subconsciously feel farther away from what's actually going on on the screen or in the story. It'll work, they'll accept it,” he says. “But I think for a lot of movies, it's not quite as enjoyable.”

As for the character himself, there was not a ton of updating to be done there. Beetlejuice, debauched sicko in 1988, remains a debauched sicko in our more enlightened era. “He's a thing. He's more of a thing than a he or a she, he's more of an it. And I'm not saying ‘it’ to be politically correct. I just viewed it as a force more than anything. I mean, there’s definitely strong male energy, like stupid male energy, which I love,” Keaton explains. “You don't want to touch that because it's not like you go, ‘Well, it's a new year and this thing would now act like that.’”

Instead, to see Keaton in the film is to feel the eerie sensation of no time having passed at all. “It was like a weird family reunion,” Tim Burton told me. “Very strange, but the strange part of it is, Michael got back so into it, it was kind of scary in a way. I mean, for somebody who didn't really maybe want to do it, he seemed to channel it very quickly. And so it was quite exciting and surreal.”

And even though Beetlejuice seems so at odds with the rest of Keaton’s public image and filmography, it may actually be the character imbued with the maximum Michael Keaton. “He brought his energy to Beetlejuice,” costar Catherine O’Hara told me. “So that is Michael—real fast-talking, full of great crazy ideas, and really free.”

“There's a sexiness to him,” O’Hara added, laughing. “Which is crazy to say about Beetlejuice!”

Though, at first glance, all-American Michael Keaton and goth mastermind Tim Burton seem to have nothing in common, they do, in fact, match each other’s proverbial freak. “I love Michael because he has a certain energy,” Burton told me. “That's why I wanted him to be in Batman, because you just look in his eyes and he seems intelligent, scary, crazy, everything all at once.”

Back when Burton tapped Keaton to play the Caped Crusader in Batman, it was a controversial choice. So much so that, in the pre–social media days, 50,000 comic book nerds wrote to Warner Bros. to protest the casting. Keaton, not a comics guy by any means, did not quite understand the fervor. Now, he looks back at what Burton did with a different lens.

“Tim deserves enormous credit. He changed everything,” Keaton said. “I can't necessarily say this, but there's a strong possibility there is no Marvel Universe, there is no DC Universe, without Tim Burton. He was doubted and questioned.”

“He hasn't gotten himself enough credit for going, ‘Yeah—that guy,’” he continues. “And everybody went, ‘Wait, Michael? You worked with him on Beetlejuice, right?’ But I think what happened was Tim saw Clean and Sober”—Keaton’s first non-comedic role, about a man overcoming substance abuse. “I get the credit. I don't know that he got enough credit for making that move. That was a bold move.”

Plenty of esteemed actors have since wriggled into the Batsuit—George Clooney, Christian Bale, Ben Affleck, Robert Pattinson—but Keaton is still considered to be one of the best Batmen, and certainly the best Bruce Wayne. He’s even reprised the role, twice: in 2023’s The Flash and in the unreleased Batgirl, the latter of which was scrapped by Warner Bros. amid cost-cutting measures and will never see the light of day. Was the fate of Batgirl disappointing to him at all?

“No, I didn't care one way or another. Big, fun, nice check,” Keaton says, rubbing his fingers together in the universal gesture for “moolah.”

He pauses for a second, then softens slightly. “I like those boys. They're nice guys.” (Batgirl directors Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah, he means.) “I pull for them. I want them to succeed, and I think they felt very badly, and that made me feel bad. Me?” he says, shrugging. “I'm good.”

Keaton is starting to get visibly agitated with this line of questioning. He tenses up, and I suddenly find myself on the disapproving end of some of cinema’s most famous eyebrows. Why does everyone want to talk about Batman all the time anyway? At the end of the day, it was a role he played, like any other. If there was one thing he really got out of it, it was this: “I'm nothing but only respectful and grateful, 100%,” Keaton says. "And proud of it actually, because I like to prove everybody wrong. It's fun for me."

The dad vibes, first established with Mr. Mom, remain strong with Keaton. It’s a priority in his life—he has a son, Sean, who now has kids of his own. It continues to be a preoccupation in his work—both his self-directed film from earlier this year, Knox Goes Away, and the upcoming comedy Goodrich, wrestle with fatherhood. But nowhere is it more present or palpable than on his Instagram. That’s where, to his 945,000 followers, he posts stuff that could otherwise be posted by your average MSNBC-loving suburban dad. It’s refreshingly unmanicured, the majority of the feed populated by photos of his dog, photos of his actual TV taken from the couch, screengrabs of articles with wonky cropping, and, once, a photo of a tweet on his computer that was then posted rotated 90 degrees the wrong way.

When I merely mention the existence of his Instagram account, he turns bright red and starts belly-laughing that great Michael Keaton laugh, pretty much collapsing in our booth.

“It's embarrassing and great at the same time,” Keaton admits. “I try to embrace it. My kid has given up on me. He's totally given up. He tried to educate me, and he goes, ‘No, man, I'm just going to embrace this. I'm just going to laugh at you all the time.’ I don't know what it is. First of all, I'm too lazy. I'm too lazy to do the extra work. I go, ‘Here, you should know about this. Just have at it.’ By the way, I want to defend this. Why should I do everything for you?”

Jenna Ortega, his young costar on Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, deemed Keaton “strangely normal,” adding that, “I think someone as successful as him, you could tell his priority lies with family and just being a kind, genuine guy.” James Marsden, who played his son in Knox Goes Away, recalled his first meeting with Keaton. “I sat in a room with him for about two hours. I don't think we intended to speak that long,” he said. “We just talked about fatherhood and kids and life, and never really even mentioned acting at all.”

I see Keaton’s grandfatherly instincts in action when, near the end of our interview, a girl who can’t be more than five and her mom are seated at the table next to ours. The kid shyly slides into the booth near Keaton. He greets her as if she’s an old friend and strikes up a conversation, sharing our french fries. Her mom is laughing, as if she can’t really believe what’s going down. The kid, naturally, has no idea who he is.

“You don't understand, but I'll explain when we're out of here,” says Mom.

There was always a sense, though, starting all the way back from those early Letterman appearances, that Keaton is just having more fun with the spectacle of celebrity than everyone else. “I'm a little surprised how many people take it seriously,” he says, when I raise this idea to him. “I was just with somebody I really liked the other day. This guy's great, so talented, so funny. A stand-up. We were at a little get-together. And for me, I mean—this guy's way younger than me, and I felt him behaving himself too much. I was pointing out some stuff that I thought was funny, and I don't know—I was shocked that there was no sense of mischief.”

Maybe, I suggest, this business was just more fun back in the day.

“I might have more fun with it now. It’s not like I don't care about it, I care about it to the degree that it's my job, you shouldn't be a jerk. But, essentially, it's kind of all ridiculous,” he says. “That's the great thing: It all looks silly. The whole thing looks sillier every day.”

Via GQ.