#SMACKS YOU WITH THIS. HELLO

[aaleaqlania]

❛   i didn’t leave because i stopped loving you. i left because the longer i stayed, the less i loved myself.  ❜

CRACKS MY FINGERS FOR THE FUCKING HURT -- @vohunara

      they had their little, not-so-private cataclysm, too.

whatever was of their friendship had imploded long ago, among torn pages of a project and clash of opinions. so far, the stasis built around them was almost deathly still━ it was useless, for al haitham, to mention a past they were both determined to never bring back up.

      from his part, he seeked not conflict, which would have crashed into their home like an hurricane. he was content in not tackling the issue as long as the other kept mantaining his silence over it, too.

      and then?

      and then, when the topic is brought up again, there's little that surprises him.

      because al haitham had his sweet time to analyze the situation, to form his own opinion over it. that their failed project was a clash of morals and interests, that they both held their ground into it for different reasons, and that staying meant to tear eachother apart like animals.

      and he was no animal. just an extremely rational individual, that he was.

      ' i know. '

      it comes without the usual, obnoxiously knowledgeable tone of his: in fact, al haitham sounds understanding, even. a new feat, much softer than usual.

      ' the project clashed with your ideals, and it was just not doable for you to stay. the result that you wanted was just not feasible in akademic terms, and perhaps achievable in a distant future that you considered uncertain, as one should do with it. i never faulted you from leaving. '

   ...but he never took another project, either.

      instead, al haitham kept to himself, scoring credit after credit from darshan after darshan, plowed effortlessly into mid-to-upper advanced courses across many fields, certifications of courses stacking up. from internships to apprenticeships, from rotations and experience on field with assignments, al haitham undertook anything that he wanted to pursue simply because he wished to deepen his knowledge and experience, and knew that everything would have come in handy later.

      kaveh wished to pursue his dreams more than ever after what happened between them, away from the corrupted system of the akademiya but unable to truly detache from it. he needed the fundings, needed the connections, needed his darshan.

      and al haitham, instead, found some sort of comfort in how this system worked; he finds most of it convenient, and whatever isn't, he'll make it work for himself. he can play their game long enough to make it bend backwards for him. when al haitham has already won what he wanted from it. whenever or not he might not like it, he has no reasons to change it. it'd take monumental effort and backlash, and he wants stability and cushy, stable life with a simple job.

      revolution versus the art of adapting. they truly clash, even now, where kaveh wanted to reassure al haitham about something the man figured out a long time ago.

      ' if we kept interacting after you left, ' he tells the blond his conclusions, unwavering, ' we would have torn eachother apart. the disagreement was too big at the time, there would have been nothing left to pick up, which is what we're doing now. '

      still...

      still, even if he knew why, the unstability of their bond was still here. ever present, despite the good and the bad. ever present, with things left unsaid, with them picking up the sharp pieces without protections.

      sometimes it nicked at their fingers, and one of them had to step away to medicate before coming back.

      ever present, because once they had grown and matured, they still ended up back to eachother.

      ever present, but not to be taken for granted. not when he could no longer deny being affected, not when kaveh was talking about it so openly. uncanningly uncharacteristic of him.

      ' thank you for telling me this. i never judged you for leaving. you did what you had to do, and i did the same. it's not something i resented you for. '

      there’s a pause full of meanings, when he feels like closing the book is only appropriate. it gauges some weight to what he needs to say.

      ‘ i never stopped loving you, either. ‘

[hollowflight-propaganda]

"Cycle of abuse. Cycle of violence." How about the cycle of healing? Why don't we ever talk about the chain reaction that being kind to someone can cause?

[louroth]

Well, well, well. Would you look at what the cat dragged in. (it's me, Lou!)

The time is here, and oh man, do I have a lot to say! Ever since this post was posted on my personal tumblr, on the fifth of may, I have been working like a machine on all things OUROBOROS. I had originally planned for this to just be a progress report/ announcement on what I will be working on now that I am free of the shackles of work, but, somehow, I managed to finish all bullet points, and more. So, let's get into it!

First off, the title.  Ouroboros becomes all capitalized OUROBOROS. Idk. It's neat. Next!

Art. Whew. I didn't think I could draw like this anymore- drawing has been more of a struggle than writing has been, forever, always- it was something I really strived to become good at, for a time. And I gave up. Only to pick it up again when I started ouro, and ever since I released that pressure, something just clicked and I have been churning out art like never before. I don't know if this is a fluke, a stroke of luck or if all that hard work I once did slaving away with menial art practice… but I'm grateful nonetheless. (A note on official RO art: I lost my ipad pencil somewhere on the lawn, lmao. I haven't been able to get a new one yet, so there is a slight delay here.) I am hoping that I get to make some commissions too, in the near future. Visit the forum to see some works in progress (amongst them, Yor's RO portrait!)

Onto the hellscape that is coding! I have been growing more proficient with CSS and html with the help of the ones that run so that we can walk; I have studied and researched and tested and tinkered until my eyes crossed, finding my way into this medium with the incredible guidance of the giants of whose shoulders I stand on. I will talk about this in detail on a later date. So I think it's finally time to reveal that yes, I am working on a twine version of ouro. I will develop it in tandem with choicescript; the porting over from one to the other isn't the herculean task I thought it would be.

Why am I doing this? Because I need to have a save system. I am continuing to write the whole alpha draft in choicescript in hopes that CoG will announce the ability to have a native save/checkpoint system, but if that doesn’t happen, I can’t publish this story without one. Unfortunately, I am not willing to code in a savesystem in choicescript myself, because this will be a large game, with far too many variables for that to be sustainable. Trust me, no one is more disappointed by that fact than me. If it comes to the point that twine publishing will be what I do, I will set my sights on writing a smaller game for hosted games. 

Now the meatier announcements!

New Socials!

Tumblr: You are looking at it!  This is the new, exclusively OUROBOROS blog where I will share all announcements and sneak-peeks, and future updates. I worked together with the dev of the theme and made it oh, so pretty and functional. Please check out their portfolio here, if you are ever in the market for sprucing up your (desktop version) of tumblr. They were a pleasure to work with. Amongst other things, it has a gorgeous header (again, only if you visit on web and not mobile) where I am showcasing fanart and official art. Go check it out! This month, I am showcasing a truly breathtaking art from KAIRELART, and you can find the full art here, or follow the links in the “FEATURED ARTIST” tab in the top bar.

I hope you enjoy this new haven for OUROBOROS! I will be answering questions once a week (saturday) and ramping up as I adapt to this new schedule, more on that further below.

My old tumblr, honeypeabrain, will revert back to being my personal blog. Feel free to keep following me there, but know that it will be inundated with shitposts, crass humor and the occasional poetry dump and personal post. You’ve been warned!

Discord!

By the good graces, this was ROUGH to set up. Working with discord bots is akin to wrangling code, and it was well and truly, a war. But with the help of many, it is finally all done and ready for anyone to join and talk to me and others about OUROBOROS and anything else between heaven and earth. 

I will also greatly appreciate if any future bugs and feedback are submitted through here, so I can keep easier track of it. Come join us! (18+ ONLY.)

Patreon & Ko-Fi

Yep! Ko-fi is just a place to toss me a coin if you wish to help me towards the goal of new PC parts to make testing easier, or to just show appreciation for those that have it to spare. Patreon however, already has a multitude of posts and will be a hub for exclusive NSFW sidestories that you get to vote on, loredives and extensive sneak peeks, Q&A’s, polls and weekly dev logs. 

Right now, there are only two tiers, but I expect it to grow as my story does. I have many plans, but I am going at a steady pace. 

Amongst tiered content, there is a (free) NSFW story with female MC and Idren to read there right now, if you want to check it out! I am mgoing to post it on tumblr and the adult thread here over the weekend.

NOTE: I stupidly didn't realize that patreon had a review process after I pressed launch, which I did just a few minutes ago. Sigh. I am going to post the short on tumblr and the adult forum thread as soon as I get to it.

It is not mandatory by any means, so if you do choose to support me, you have my eternal gratitude as these places will be the sole source of income for me.

Onto writing:

The best news out of this whole bunch is that I have worked so hard on editing and writing, that in the past month I have all but finished a two chapter update! I have a chunk of about 5-6 thousand words left to write, and I am going to buckle down over the weekend to see it through. I wanted to have it done so badly for today, but I lost three days of writing time last week due to still being weighed down with work. I hope it isn’t too disappointing to have to wait until monday for the demo update! I am going to post a link to an as-I-write updated demo on Patreon and Discord, if you want to see the ugly face of raw wip drafts. Otherwise I will post the demo update here on Monday with a comprehensive post!

And now!  the biggest news is… from now on, I am writing full time!

This is what I have been tossing and turning about every night ever since Easter. It started as a silly idea while talking to some friends and family about how I was looking for a change in career. And then, little by little, that idea whittled down to a plan, carefully carved by my partner and his whispers of a happy future, a finished dream project, and something to be proud of until the day I wither and die. 

Somewhere between then and now, I grasped a tiny sliver of bravery and held on for dear life. 

I quit my job as a teacher, and instead of accepting a cushy office job, I started behaving as if OUROBOROS and writing was my work (for all the moments I could afford). I have researched and tried different methods from week to week, and although I was still tired from work, I felt like I was onto something that could build into a sustainable future. 

I have no doubts that this journey will be bumpy and long, but sometimes all it takes is to take that first step, and do it with determination. It might all crash and burn and fail in a spectacular way, or with a whimper, but then I will know that I have tried. I will know that I gave myself the chance to be who I want to be, work on what means so much to me. 

And that’s it. I think the hardest part of formulating this post (I’ve written about 50 versions of it!) is getting to the point; the kernel of what makes it so special to me. So, in my heart of hearts, what I'm trying to tell you is that I'm gonna give it my all- and while I know the road to having a sustainable career in writing is rough and ever winding, I do know for sure that I am ready for a challenge, to pour my heart and soul into it until the day I rush out of the office screaming IT IS DONE. IT IS DOOOOONE!!! 

If you decide to join me, I will treasure your company like a lantern in the dark. Hand in lovable hand, let’s fucking go.

[keeps-ache]

every now and then something in my brain turns on and oh hello information i didn't know i had stored! where've you been !

[morrithal]

I need to bottle whatever the fuck is going on with Spike, Dru, and Angel

[auroargraves]

I will now write five times Shinyu imagines his kisses with Hongjo (and one time he kisses her for real)

[digoload]

the parallels are uncanny

[euesworld]

"She's got those knee high eyes that make you think sweet things like she's the queen and she could be my demise.. she's got that kind of ass that you just want to smack and watch it jiggle like yeah. She reminds me of jello shots, caught in the inebriation of when she takes her shorts off.. she has those legs that you just want to gently caress, lips you can taste even when she's still dressed. She has the personality of a deity, commanding things from me.. so lovely the way I love to please, and I don't think she could ever be ugly. At least not to me, such a sweet thing when she needs me to eat her honey.."

Pinch me cause I think I might be dreaming - eUë

[sheathnknife]

the vampire diaries 8.16 // louise gluck, crossroads

“and damon, like the voiceover tell us, he was worried he would never see stefan again. it was just elena assuring him that there would be peace. that we’ve dealt with this other side of darkness for several seasons, but there’s also light out there and there’s peace, and damon will find it. if you search for it, you will find it. and we wanted to get that last moment to see that [...] damon found it too, and it looked just like his brother.” — kevin williamson

[neonpaperlanterns]

I thank whoever went frame by frame to get this. You are doing the lords work and I respect you for it.

I now have to go make fanfiction of this man and that ass. I don't know what it will be or when it will be but it will happen.

[amanita-strange-and-true]

as someone who has mixed feelings about april fools day due to being Incredibly Gullible and also very susceptible to jumpscares and the like, The Boopening has brought me unbelievable amounts of serotonin and I need it every year now

[dizaryswrites]

New hobby: listening to indie pop songs and assigning batfam to them only to hurt my own feelings

[randomwriteronline]

Iscan is worried about Melli.

He knows logically that Adaman and Mai are worried about him too, but they think he’s just being himself again - they think what he fears might have finally happened, that this is simply how he is; he fears he has managed at last to bury the original under a coat of heavy paint and made everyone forget that timid personality he grew to detest so much all of a sudden.

Iscan is not fooled by his flamboyantly carved mask, because he is older and kind, and wears his fears on his sleeve, and sometimes that is enough for some people to cuddle up to him and free themselves from the scripts of whatever play they are performing without rest.

So he goes to the Highlands despite the vicious Pokémon that haunt them.

Melli welcomes him with a face that is honestly surprised, hands playing anxiously with his long hair as he sputters about not having prepared anything for a visitor since nobody ever comes to see him - Iscan smiles kindly and assures him it’s alright, that it’s on him as he did not warn at all; he offers to help make supper and Melli’s shoulders lower, his smiles turns softer, his fingers stop pulling his hair and begin combing through it: there he is, Iscan thinks when he sees in his face something that isn’t practiced scorn or that strange hazy distance he’s had for a while now.

They forage a little before they can cook, and they talk. Melli speaks a lot, because he doesn’t get anybody who wants to listen to him except Lord Electrode or Skuntank, or the Zubat that followed him home, or the Skorupi brought to the settlement by accident; Iscan listens, happy to let him unwind and searching in his ramblings a reason for his recent peculiar moods.

Even at dinner, after rushing back in his hut before the Ghost Pokémon can come out, he feels like there’s something the other warden is purposefully avoiding to tell him, skirting around it over and over.

Then Melli leaves, quietly, in the middle of the night, when he thinks his absence won’t be noticed.

Iscan stirs from his pretend sleep and wills his nerves steady as he follows.

The walk down wherever they’re going is fortunately a slope, and is unfortunately littered with Ghosts. Iscan is immensely glad that Melli avoids the graveyard just next to Moonview Arena, where Mismagius and Misdreavus gather to howl at the dark new moon sky, instead treading carefully the rocky line of land that separates Stonetooth Rows from the small plateau in which Chinglings and Rhydons sleep. He watches the younger man slide down a steep rock wall, hissing and struggling before he falls on the cliff below (he had begun walking strangely, like his lower back and knees hurt, and his hands were covered in scabs and callouses, Iscan remembers) and moves on.

The older warden tiptoes his way to a slower, safer descent down a few tall steps of rock. It leads him further away, but there is tall grass in which to hide, and he can see very well from here how Melli reaches - through another half-fall - the other end of the spring, near a tree.

Then, as he tries to approach quietly, crawling his way around the small body of water strangely devoid of any critters, he hears Melli start to sing.

The first instinct Iscan has is to throw all caution to the wind, rush to him, and hush him. Sinnoh knows what Pokémon might hear him and make ribbons out of him for bothering them so late at night.

But a light appears suddenly, and a voice sings with him.

It’s a heavenly voice, as thin as the mountain air, as precious as a wind chime made of nacre seashells, as powerful as an earthquake, reaching for his snow pale cheeks like a caress. Melli turns to its source - there is a strange expression on his face, clearer and clearer the closer Iscan comes to him, a sort of gasp, a reverence: it carries a shyness reminiscent of when he was a kid, and the vaguest hint of an awestruck smile as his hands twist one another on his chest.

The light sways gently, purple flames licking the cold air as they escape an iridescent shell that almost resembles a lantern. Under their impossible glow near lilac hands stretch outward, towards the mesmerized warden, to catch him in them, to cup him in them, as he gazes at the figure transfixed, seeming completely out of himself.

Dull eyes of a burning yellow turn away from the young man with sudden alarm, sewn mouth interrupting its unknown song as the whisper of a flute distracts it.

Lord Basculegion appears from the waterfall with a terrifying leap, the souls composing his tail burning red against the dark sky and beady crimson eyes fixing on the Ghost with a growling fury.

The flames shoot upwards, bring their purple glow into the stratosphere as the Wave Crash falls upon them with a sharp sound: the dead hand reach for Melli, grab him, and he disappears in an instant before the impact send stripes of rust to the ground, writhing and shaking as if in pain.

Iscan bolts to where the young man stood, horror overtaking him - the stripes move again, and he realizes there’s a body under there, there’s a shape to the darkness that he had not recognized under the near pitch black color, a shape struggling to pull itself back up on its trembling arm and leg, and Melli is still under it Sinnoh bless him, confused and curled on himself and starting to say something before his voice is drowned by a howling chime coming from far above him viciously hurling a Shadow Ball that sinks into the water when Basculegion evades it.

Iscan calls for him, and the shape covers him again, leg of black climbing over him and trying to pull itself upright. For a moment he thinks the face is the white squre jutting out of the dark folds, now exposed as it turns to him, attempts to stand on its unsteady limbs, but there are no eyes, no nose, no mouth: and the shape reveals itself to be almost human despite the floaty mane that falls on its back and folds at its neck - despite the absence of a neck.

Of a head.

It feels almost like cloth under his fingers, like there’s flesh under it when he pushes the apparition away with little to no effort despite his terror. Melli says something, with a face pale and eyes wide like he’s out of himself, reaches out for the collapsing body as the older warden grabs him and makes a run for the water, jumping on Basculegion - the iridescent shell housing the flames hurries away, back to its anthropomorphic vessel, shrieking in what seems to be worry -

- the drop down the waterfall ends in a minute splash, much quieter than anybody would expect.

Melli remains immoble in Iscan’s iron grip, completely clammed up.

He doesn’t speak as he wobbles back to his hut behind Iscan, nor does he speak the whole morning after, air coated in unspoken tension and nervousness as the older man quiet checks to see if he is fully within his own mind - if he hasn’t been charmed, or hypnotized, or turned into a husk to puppet around.

He cannot make heads or tails of his situation.

But Adaman comes in a little later to accompany Iscan back to the Coastlands, because there is a mass outbreak across the Highlands and the man is not used to battling his way through hordes of Pokémon, and he only rolls his eyes at Melli’s usual despondency and pomp masking the glaze in his look as he waves while he descends the mountain with the other warden.

Completely missing how the thin body is strangely closed in on himself.

Iscan is worried about Melli.

(What Iscan cannot know is that the hellish flames will come to Melli’s doorstep the next night, singing with their otherwordly voice, and he will let them in.)

[7-oh-ta1]

My favorite Zelda game, the only one I've ever finished, is the first one. What would you recommend I play after that? A Link to the Past?

!!!!!!! I'M SORRY I'M SO BAD AT RECS BUT HERE'S WHAT I THINK!!

Since I know you like pixel games, I would say A Link to the Past, A Link Between Worlds, Link's Awakening, or Minish Cap!! I think MC is available through the Nintendo online service on the switch, but I'm not sure since I don't have that. ALttP is the most like classic zelda (alttp is the third game) so if you like classic because it's a bit straightforward and mostly dungeon hopping, definitely alttp!!! Also the style is a little gritty and less silly to me (but still silly for pink bunny Link :3). I wouldn't rec zelda 2 bec it's notoriously difficult (it was for me 😭).

MC is based on the "(car) toon" link, so it's much brighter and has a lot of bright colors and cute stuff, but it's still a pixel game and idk I just really enjoyed it personally!! But it's the last pixel game in the zelda series I'm p sure.

A Link Between Worlds is sort of a reimagining of alttp but it's very unique even with the same map and the saturated hyrule is contrasted w the pale lorule, so a lotta fun with the aesthetics.

Finally Link's Awakening!! It was originally a pixel game but it has a 3D remake on switch that is very loyal to the Gameboy experience PLUS fixes a lot of frustrating mechanics in the og. I think it might be your best bet, but also it's a very bright colored, silly game so maybe not if that's not the vibe you're looking for!

The good thing about zelda games is that they're made to stand on their own legs, even sequels (namely adventures of link, majora's mask, & phantom hourglass) so there's no order to worry about, you're not missing anything because each story is more or less self-contained. There's also a variety so there's no need to play every single one esp if one doesn't match your gaming tastes unless you're just a freak like me and your brain is mush. It really depends on what you're looking for in your game considering mechanics and aesthetics!!!

[hotpinkboots]

do you remember the character bingo thing?? can you do character bingo with Din? 👀

YOU BET YOUR SQUISH I CAN!

*KISSES HIM WHILE BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF HIM FOR NO REASON*

[bcneheaded]

yall i am not quite here mentally today so I might not being around dm wise (apologies), but just wanted to ... mutter something about how I'd briefly done some calculations and like... (lol... "calculations", conversions and estimating) and...... artemis would be..... like.. Maybe?? almost like 300lbs. maybe more? man is heavy!!!