Parallels are funny
I was never into anime when we were friends. I just wasn't a fan, until recently. I was watching a few different animes based on another friend's recommendations. Jujutsu Kaisen is the one I am referring to as I write this. I never thought about why Satoru Gojo's and Suguru Geto's relationship really affected me until I saw this piece of art.
Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto fit us so well.
The love, the intensity, the ending. One who would do anything for the other if they asked. One who kept the other in check while allowing them to feel truly free. One who was shining too bright to notice the darkness consuming the other. The one who had endless possibilities, and the one who wanted the impossible.
From freshman year to the middle of our junior year of college, we were inseparable.
Constant rides and study sessions. Doing homework, and practicing our pass-off music together. Those first few classes in our major were hard, but don't worry, I was there to always lend a hand when you needed it. Classes just kept getting harder. We both started to get busy and overwhelmed. I know you started to feel depressed when I was advancing in classes, and you were struggling with the same ones. I was there to support you as much as I could, but I had to keep going. I just didn't realize that I was leaving you behind. I thought you just needed more time, but you were focused on other things.
We were a duo- connected at the hip. Always together, never too far apart.
The friendship was innocent. Sharing laughs and having late night conversations. Small, drunk kisses that didn't mean anything, right? Cuddling and sharing blankets. Matching outfits and saying I love you. We talked about getting matching tattoos. I swore you were my soulmate. We shared so many late night drives. Remember when we went to the beach at midnight and didn't get back home until 4am? Yeah, I replay the video sometimes just to hear your voice.
Everyone thought we were dating.
That was so funny, right? Of course as best friends we shared locations, had specific nights just for us to get dinner, had sleepovers every weekend, and joked about why we haven't slept together, yet. Of course, as best friends we would push the limits of what other friends do. Of course, I noticed you were struggling, I tried my best to help you. It wasn't always what you needed, but I tried. -Did you notice my struggle? No? That's okay. I hid it pretty well.- Of course, I got upset when you started to use guys to make other guys jealous. I didn't want to see you play with people's emotions like that, but I also didn't know how to stop you. You couldn't see how it affected you. You didn't see the changes it made.
Some words were said- words I wish I could take back, but it's too late for that.
We didn't speak for quite some time after that. I left my final 'I love you' on your doorstep- a scrapbook of us. The times we did speak were brief and out of pure necessity. Until, one day you volunteered a comment on my performance. I was frozen. You didn't need to compliment me- I didn't need it, rather. This was a critique, but you offered me love, instead.
That was your final 'I love you.'
I know that many other people have experienced a friendship like SatoSugu, but I think we truly encapsulated it, unfortunately. From the intense friendship with wild adventures, to blurring the lines between friend and lover, to losing each other, and to, finally, saying our final 'I love yous' to each other in our own ways.
Just like Satoru Gojo's happiness around Suguru Geto, my happiness was so loud when I was with you that I could not hear your silence. I’m sorry Satoru- Suguru didn’t stay in this universe either. Maybe the next one. In this universe, I spent 3 years loving you, and, now, I will spend the rest of forever missing you. There is no curse more twisted than love.
You're not dead, but I will never see you again. Even if I did, you wouldn’t be the same. You are my best friend, and I was yours.
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More stuff about my Merlin soulmate au:
Something I think I forgot to mention last time is that soulmates take comfort in the presence and physical contact of each other, feeling safe and content with them by their side.
The other kingdoms view Uther's policies on soulmates to be barbaric and cruel, and is a contributing factor to the tension and conflicts Camelot faces with the surrounding kingdoms.
Morgana still goes evil in this one lads, but with an important change of her anger being exclusively directed at Uther, Arthur, and Merlin. Gwen is her soulmate and she loves her, she wants Gwen at HER side. Her rage at getting a vision of Gwen becoming queen isn't because she is queen, but because she's ARTHURS queen (I do want to clarify that Gwen and Morgana's relationship in this au is platonic, but it only makes sense for Morgana to want one of her soulmates to rule beside her, and her other soulmates are her sister and a child)
So all the attempts on Gwen's life are gone (though both the shade plot and the dark tower might still be in play, but with the intention to get Gwen back all to herself, not to harm her)
(Merlin does not know Morgana is one of Gwen's other soulmates until after he poisoned her and Gwen let's slipped that she's really worried about Morgana, but at least she knows she's alive.)
(Gwen being Morgana's soulmate is a treasure trove of angst that I do plan on exploring fully)
The Coming of Arthur is going to be fun in regards to Morgana and Gwen (and Leon)
Morgana promising Gwen that no harm will come to her, not with her by her side.
"I know it's not fair of me to make you choose between soulmates, but Gwen, I can bring peace back to Camelot. Magic can be free again, soulmates cherished as they are supposed to be. Please, join me."
But the thing is, Morgana isn't just asking Gwen to choose between two halves of her soul. She knows both Leon and Merlin would never forsake Arthur, and if she chose Morgana, she would also lose both of them, not just Arthur. It's an unfair position to be in, an impossible situation (she chooses anyway. The Morgana she knew never would have ordered the death of innocent civilians to punish those who would not obey her. Something happened to the girl she loves, shes having trouble recognizing the holder of a piece of her soul)
(Gwen still goes to the dungeon to bring Leon food, though it goes a little differently, with Leon learning that Morgana is her soulmate. More on that in another post)
Arthur is going to repeal the laws against soulmates and magic as soon as he becomes king (he has been aware of Merlin’s status as a sorcerer for years and is unable to see how magic can be evil and corrupting when Merlin is one of the best people he knows and his soulmate to boot)
Due to most of them growing up under laws that prohibit talking about soulmates, it takes everybody far too fucking long to realize that they are all soulmates with each other cause no one says anything or compares notes.
I know its mean, but they finally figure it all out following Lancelot's death
(I have tried to figure out a way for him to survive but I really don't think he can)
(Poor Gwen all alone in Camelot breaking down while helping care for people because she feels Lancelot *die* with only Gaius to help her. No other soulmates available to hold her and help her feel a little less empty, a little less alone.)
Everyone experiencing the same pain and all knowing they just lost Lancelot leads to conversation.
Because while everyone in the group had been bonded with Lancelot, not everyone is bound together, which is totally possible, but Arthur knows he's soul bound to half this group, it would make sense to check if there's others in the group.
I will make a separate post about the events of the darkest hour cause I think this would get very long if I had it in here
Now, something I haven't gotten into yet is the magic part of soulmates (so far it's mainly been the destiny and social ramifications and interpersonal details)
Soulmarks are magic, and in some cases, an individual can develop a soulmate ability, a single ability that can be used in regards to exclusively one's bonded soulmates
Now these abilities vary in strength and specificity, some are dictated by touch, others apply no matter where they are in the world
Some soulmate abilities I've come up with thus far are:
The ability to always know what direction their soulmate is in relation to themself
The ability to know when their soulmate is lying to them, and a more broad varient of always knowing when they are lying period
The ability to always instinctually know what it is their soulmate truly means when they speak (I'm very tempted to give this to Gwen because I think it would make things interesting with Morgana, but I am worried it might break things a bit)
The ability to know what their soulmate is feeling emotionally by looking at them or touching them (I think I'm going to give this one to Leon?)
An ability confined to touch that brings to the soulmate's attention what their body most needs at that moment. (It's requires intent to be put into use, and it doesn't necessarily make the soulmate do that thing? It's not compulsory. It's more "Hey you're fucking exhausted you need sleep," or "Crying sounds so nice right now," or "Dude, EAT," and they can still fight these things, if they choose to, but those things are now at the forefront of their attention (making them more likely to be heeded))
Now, an ability I've thought EXTENSIVELY about:
A very rare and (before Uther nuked everything having to do with magic and soulmates) coveted ability that allows someone to, through constant touch, share their life force with their dying soulmate in order to keep then alive.
So say, for example, somebody (Soulmate A) is actively bleeding out from a fatal wound. The soulmate with the ability (Soulmate B) would have to touch soulmate A, skin to skin contact, and have this desperation, determination that soulmate A will not die, they won't let them.
Now, a couple things would happen.
One: Soulmate B's soulmark on Soulmate A's skin would move in some way to the point of injury (the method may vary depending on what their mark looks like. Like if the mark was a flower, the stem may extend and the mark itself stays stationary, or if it's something that's alive it would just fully move) and start "healing" the wound
Healing being in quotes because
Two: The injury is really being transferred partially to Soulmate B, enough so that the injury to Soulmate A is no longer immediately fatal, for the duration that they keep contact with Soulmate A. This buys Soulmate A time to be healed properly, but if the underlying injury is not healed in a timely manner, both Soulmate A and B could die.
Healing Soulmate A would also heal Soulmate B, as it was never truly their injury (though it sure feels and acts like it, and can be just as deadly if help isn't gotten in time.)
Because this ability is so inherently magic and is considered a spell, Soulmate B, even if they have the capacity to use other magic, can not cast a healing spell while using this spell, as it's only possible to cast one spell at a time.
I am naturally giving this ability to Merlin.
But the thing about abilities like this one is that it's impossible to know if you have it or not until the situation calls for it for the first time. It's impossible to know until your soulmate is dying right in front of you. Until you reach out and wish with every fiber in your being that they survive and they DO
The other thing about this ability? It can only be used once per soulmate. One get out of death free card and that's it
I haven't fully figured out if the dark tower would still happen, but if it does, Merlin would discover this ability saving Elyan's life (with the help of the knights who have to on the fly learn healing magic or else lose *both* of them)
That's going to be it for this post as it's starting to get long, but I have other posts I'm already working on. Also, if anyone has any questions, ideas, or suggestions in regards to this au, please feel free to send them my way!
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Soulmate AU in which when you touch your soulmate you swap bodies. It needs to be skin on skin contact and is instant. The only way to get back in the previous body is to touch again, otherwise you're stuck like that.
No matter the body all psychological and physical damage stays with you. That means if you get hurt then swap bodies, you will still feel it despite no longer having the wounds. This is only the case of existing wounds prior to swapping ; if new wounds happen to the hurt body after the swap you won't feel them, but the person in the body when it happens will. A very complicated way of saying that you can't get away from pain by swapping bodies with your soulmate as it will follow you.
There's no known consequences to not changing bodies back once swapped, though some might get sick for a few days after swapping back if they waited a long period of time to change back (say over a month, even longer depending on individual)
Now this but, you know... JeanMarco. And of course they find out during their time in the 104th Training Corps, because there's no way their skin didn't touch at least once in +3 years of training and being as close as they are. It isn't until break when they're able to visit home that they learn what it truly means ; up until that point they used it to swap chores (is the only reason why Jean didn't try to kill Eren during their shared chores- because it was actually Marco all along). At that point they knew each other perfectly.
Of course the whole situation was a little bit awkward for both of them when returning. They probably would end up avoiding each other for a bit because teenager boys and stuff, all until someone finally got the guts to mention the tension and ask them what's wrong- which forces them to talk and stuff. Doesn't matter, this is not what I want to talk about.
But the beautiful battle of Trost and what if, hypothetical speaking of course, they touch skin after Jean gets another ODM? And they're so used with each other by now, they don't even notice until the mission is nearly done anyway. And I don't know man, the idea of Jean dying while in Marco's body? Marco (in Jean's body) saying "I need to find Marco" once the mission is a success and research for his soulmate, just for him to not find him?? Not find him until 3 days later when some of them are assigned cleaning duty in Trost and he finds his own fucking body bitten in half???
The realization that it should've been Marco who died that day, but didn't because he was in Jean's body. The realization that not only his soulmate is dead, but he's stuck living his life. He's stuck living the life Jean can't because he died in Marco's place.
SEEING YOUR DEAD SOULMATE EVERYDAY WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR. Poor Marco would most likely avoy any reflective surface for a very long time, unable to see Jean's face looking at him.
The guilt of lying to everyone, because how does one even begin to explain what's going on? Him lying to Jean's mother to protect her from the harsh truth of the reality- that her son actually died and the one in front of her was a fake.
And the sad truth is that no one would notice because they've been doing it for months already. They knew how to act like each other to perfection. Even if Marco slipped at some point no one would question it because they got many traits from each other already.
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When the telekinetic-telepathic has a mental bond with her soulmate. Teasing from ensues.
So, you're an omega-level mutant, right? You're telepathic-telekinetic? I know we've talked about it before, but it's always interesting to hear things about you, Jean.
There's a laugh from the other side of the link and Ms. Marvel Girl closes her mind off to the bustling students around her. It's a lot easier to deal with when it's only you, she responds. She was working on something for Professor Xavier— his mutant psychology and physiology class from what you could interpret. It's just.. so many things at once. I've recently learned how to shut it all up, but it still takes a lot of effort on my part, y'know?
I can figure, you respond with a fluttery feeling of your own. The softness of her voice and exhausted sincerity in her words made something in you fill with sympathy and pity. It sucks we aren't anywhere near each other. Do you think it'd be any better if we were?
Some part of Jean flusters at your thoughts. The mutant part her tries to recede into the further corners of her mind, but the soulmate part is unable to do the same. While a conversation is with you could never dull to be boring (she found you the most interesting in the world), she could still feel it start to become awkward from her side.
She'd think herself better equipped than this. She'd never probe someone's mind to know their innermost feelings, only figure out what next they wanted to talk about; but she doesn't want to do that to you.
Instead, she goes for (probably) the worst option on the list.
I can feel you're a mutant too. You can— What? What's wrong? What'd I do?
No, no! You didn't do anything. I just forget that you can do that— I didn't expect you to..
I really, truly am sorry! I just— I assumed and I shouldn't have and I— Jean stops herself when she feels you start to calm. The thought of helping your process by sending the feeling of lying down in a soft bed, the sensation of an animal putting their full weight on your lap, the sun beating against your skin while sunbathing on the beach— she quickly stops when she realizes you could hear her thoughts as though she were yelling them at the top of her lungs.
You encourage the train of thought, much to the befuddlement of Jean, and offer some of your own. You can keep going, if you want. I don't mind. You tease, trying to get her mind off of what happened seconds prior. Bringing them back to both of your attentions. Is that how you see me? It's so..
Accurate? Jean finished for you, bashfulness emanating from her. I don't think you'd want to know how..
I have a stalker?
Soulmate, she corrects, but.. yes.
Is it because you looked around with cerebro? You pry, a sly feeling washing over you. Jean was more than in-tuned with your mind, feeling you already knew the answer. Or did you look me up online? I don't recall a connection giving you any clues for your soulmate's looks.
Jean went quiet, lips pressed thin before she jumps out of her thoughts (and you). A rough knock on her door causes whatever subconscious mental gymnastics her mutation was working through, all the items in her dorm drop to the floor, thumps coming from the room beneath her's at all the noise.
Hold on, she grunts as she stands, feeling bruises form all over her body. Scott's here.
You're hurt?
I wasn't entirely mentally present.
Ouch. You reply with an airy noise of amusement. What does he want?
There was no feeling of jealousy in you or your words. Both of you were comfortable with where you stood in your situation-ship.
Another mission, Jean sighs. Putting on a knowing smile, she opens the door and offers a soft greeting to Scott. I have to go and get ready. Think about you later?
There's a hum of confirmation from you, Jean able to sense the adoration and worry as though they were trying to pull her under. Remember to check in every-so often?
Of course.
Then I'll think to you later.
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