#SQUARE IM BEGGING YOU GIVE THEM ALL THE MONEY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gotnofucks · 4 years

Text

Sell My Soul

Pairing: dark!Lee Bodecker x Reader

Summary: You cut a deal with the Sheriff to save your brother

Words: 2k

Warning: non-con touching, sexual harassment, language, 18+ ONLY

A/N: No spoilers for TDATT

Part 2 Part 3

MASTERLIST

-------------------------------------------------------------

You were shivering in the winter chill, your thin jacket doing little to protect you from the breeze. But then, your shivering was partly due to fear too. You were sitting outside the police station in a rickety chair, hands tugged deep in your pocket and a handknit woolen hat on your head. You were waiting for news of your brother who had been kicked out of the bar again after starting a fight. Seems like he punched someone important tonight which prompted his arrest and so here you were.

“Miss”, a young officer called, and you looked at him. “The Sheriff will see you now”

The Sheriff. Of course, as if tonight couldn’t have gotten worse with you dragging yourself out after midnight in freezing cold to the police station, it just did. You wish you’d worn more than a jacket, but then even if you had ten more layers on, you felt naked in front of his gaze. You entered his small office and the officer shut the door behind you. There was a large window with a view to other officers’ desk outside, so you relaxed a little.

“Y/n, lovely to see you again.” Sheriff Lee Bodecker greeted you with his condescending smirk. His eyes raked over your form with no shame and you crossed your arms across your chest. “Sit”.

You took a seat in front of his desk and twisted your fingers nervously. You tried to hold his gaze but the darkness in those blue eyes scared you.

“Can I see my brother?” You asked.

“Your brother really got himself into a spot tonight, sweetheart. You see, he punched the Mayor’s son.”

The little blood in your face drained as your heard what he said. The Mayor’s son. Your brother was a goner. They’ll have him charged with assault or maybe even attempted murder. This town was the most corrupt place you’d known, and laws were made and broken as per convenience. You willed away the tears in your eyes because he was the last person you wanted to cry in front of.

Lee looked at you with a smirk as you tried to compose yourself. He was always smirking, always amused when he looked at you. Sometimes when he managed to get his hands on you, he would smile. That smile was the stuff of your nightmares.

“How much do you want to drop the charges? I’ve got some money saved.” You said. There was going to be no court or justice here. Law didn’t work like that in this place. Bodecker chuckled.

“Sweetheart, money ain’t gonna do shit for your brother this time round. It’s the Mayor’s son.”

“I’ve got some jewelry if that will do.”

“The Mayor has no use for that. Your brother touched his precious son. He wants revenge.”

You sighed. You could have slapped your brother for his foolishness. After your parents’ passing, his care was passed onto you. No matter how well you tried to raise him, he grew up to be a little shit. You really should have worked harder to curb his drinking habit. You wracked your mind for any way to get him out and when you found none, you softly groaned. You’ll have to swallow your pride and ask for help from the last person you wanted to owe something to.

“What can I do to get him out?” You asked Lee and he grinned.

“How badly do you want him out?” He mused, rubbing his jaw, and staring at you.

“You know how badly. And I know you’ve got something up your sleeve so just tell me what I have to do”

“Now you’re talking. You were always such a quick learner.” He said and got up from his desk. He walked to the door and to your horror drew in the blinds, covering the window. He turned to your shell-shocked self with a cheeky smile.

“Put them back up. The blinds.” You said. You’d hoped that your voice will be firm, but it came out shaky. For the first time tonight, you truly felt alone with him, and that never ended well for you. His eyes often wandered and so did his hands, something that you couldn’t escape no matter how hard you tried.

“Come on, don’t be like that. I only wanna help you darlin’. I know you love that piece of shit brother of yours and losing him would break that pretty little heart of yours. You know how much I care about that, don’t you?”

His hand touched your cheek and you jumped up and away from him. He was blocking the only exit and your breathing picked up as you felt trapped.

“Please don’t. I can’t deal with you right now. I just want to take him home.” You said.

Lee leaned against his desk and licked his lips.

“You see sweetheart, it doesn’t matter to me what you want. You wanna see your brother back under your roof, so you gotta deal with me. Now, come here.” He pointed in front of him and you glared. You hated this fucking town and you hated this man. For months now he’s had those eyes on you and would find ways to get you alone. At times he’d corner you in your own store and run those disgusting hands over your curves. You’d always managed to slip away somehow, but today it seemed like your bad luck had turned into a curse and time had run out.

“How can you help my brother? What can you do to ensure he’ll be fine?”

“Come to me and I’ll tell you.”

There was heat in his eyes along with challenge. He could obviously drag you, but he wanted your surrender. He wanted you to walk to him. For a moment you were tempted to let your brother rot for putting you in this position but then you steeled your nerves. Squaring your shoulders, you walked in front of him and stopped.

“Closer”

You took another step. You were less than an arm’s length apart.

“Closer”

“Sheriff, please”

“Now!”

You took the last step and you could feel his breath on your face. He looked at ease with that annoying smirk in place.

“Ain’t that easy, eh?” He said and casually pushed your hair behind your ear. You flinched and took a step away. His hand shot out and in a second it was around your waist and you were tugged flush to his body.

“Stop, let go!” You said and tried to push him away. He caught your hands in one of his before cupping your jaw harshly.

“Listen to me now. I am the only person who can save your brother. If you ever want to see him again, stop fucking struggling. You’ve been a little minx slipping outta my hands every time. But I tell you, even if you go away now, I’ll come back. I’ll keep coming until you’ll have no where to go. And once I have you, you’ll wish you hadn’t made me wait.”

Tears gathered in your eyes and when he saw them, he let your jaw go and wiped them away. Putting a hand behind your head he pulled you closer and then you felt his lips on yours. It was a bruising kiss that left you feeling almost faint. But you didn’t struggle anymore.

“You have no idea how much I want you. I see you trying to find a place in this town. I see you wandering like a lost soul. But that’s because you don’t know where you belong. And where you belong is with me. Under me.” He kissed you again, biting your lips. He released your hands and roughly tugged off your jacket from your shoulder. Your hands shot out to stop his, breath erratic as your eyes darted to the door.

“Please, not here, not now.” You knew you were pleading, but this was the only way. Your brother was the only family you had left, and you weren’t ready to lose him. “Save my brother, please. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Whatever?” He was smiling and you felt your stomach churn. This is what it must feel like trying to sell your soul to the Devil.

“Whatever.” You promised and his hands left you. You shrugged on your jacket and breathed deeply after putting some distance between you.

“You know, this town may be shit but it has at least got some semblance of law. I can get someone to confess that your brother didn’t start the fight and only retaliated in self-defense. Even this town can’t ignore an eyewitness testimony.”, Bodecker said with a smug look. You exhaled deeply in relief. You didn’t care to know if the witnesses were true or false or if your brother truly started the fight or not. You won’t lose him.

“Can I see him?”, You asked, and he nodded.

“Of course, you can darlin’. You meet him in that cell and tell him you gonna get him out. And while you’re at it, give ‘im the good news too.”

“Good news?”

“Why, the good news of our engagement of course. He’s your brother so he’s gotta be my family too right. You tell him I’ll make sure they don’t hurt him in there.”

Your legs shook and you sat back in your chair while Lee supported an ear-splitting grin. He laughed a little and came to you, a hand gently combing your hair.

“You said whatever, didn’t ya.”

You looked up at him in disbelief. Why would he want to marry you? At most you thought he’d want to bed you, take you so he could go on to finding another conquest. You thought one night or maybe a couple more at max would be all he asked for. Your body in exchange for your brother’s life. You could do that. But he wasn’t just asking for your body. He wanted the whole of you.

“Why do you wanna marry me?” You whispered and he leaned down to brush a very soft kiss on your brow. You shivered in fear. His gentleness was scarier than his roughness. That Sheriff you could handle. You didn’t know what to expect from him like this.

“Is it so surprising I want a ring on that finger? You know what happens when I think of you in my bed, in my arms? You know what happens when I imagine you cooking me a meal when I come home from work? You know what happens when I think of you, barefoot and pregnant under my roof, moaning my name as you beg me to fill you again and again? You wanna know what happens?” He snatched your hand and pressed it to his crotch over his pulsing hardness. “This happens. This is what you do to me.”

You tried to take your hand away, but he forced you to keep it there, squeezing himself through your hands.

“You’ll take my ring and you’ll wear a pretty dress and vow to obey me. You’ll love me and give me kids, lot of kids with your hair and my nose. And every night you will take my cock in your mouth and that juicy cunt of yours. Every night I want to taste you on my tongue and your softness around me.”

You did not know when he took you in his arms and pushed you against the wall but then he was kissing you. His hands roamed your body, smacking your ass and bruising you. You panted hard, confused, scared and helpless.

“No. No, please.” You cried but he silenced you with a punishing kiss and pressed his forehead to yours.

“Yes. I’ll have you. One way or another it had to happen.”

He took your hands and put them around his neck and spread legs apart by putting his knee between them. One hand cupped your breast while the other cupped you between your thighs.

“You’ll never feel empty down here. I’ll rail you so deep and hard sweetheart.”

Then abruptly he was off you and you almost stumbled off the wall. You held the back of the chair to support yourself, looking up in bafflement. What the fuck just happened here. He was back behind his desk, fiddling with some papers, a very content look in his blue eyes.

“Off you go, I’ll have someone take you to the cell. Then we can go home and celebrate.”

#dark!lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker x reader #dark!lee bodecker #lee bodecker #the devil all the time #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader

954 notes · View notes

thegreenmetblue · 3 years

Text

STARKER FESTIVAL SUMMER BINGO : 2nd square

not a date

read on ao3

Peter was utterly anxious. To be honest, he’s not even sure anything in his life stressed him more than that. To be fair, he wasn’t expecting this. At all. Let’s go back to earlier in the day. This morning to be more precise.

Peter was lying in his bed, watching some weird videos on YouTube. But it was Saturday morning. It’s what teenagers do on a early Saturday morning (read : at 10 am). Not that the boy was gonna say it out loud but it was either that, either reading fanfictions about Spiderman and Iron Man. But shhh if you ask him, he’d say it’s only for checking how people are describing him.

Anyway, he was watching some hilarious videos Ned has sent him for the last six days when his phone stopped the video in exchange of Tony Stark’s face. Peter’s heart skipped a beat in his chest, like every time Tony’s calling him. “Yes ?”, he answers with a faint voice. Most of the times, he has no issues talking to Tony face to face but god knows why, Peter has still big issues with calls.

“If this isn’t my favorite young adult. Hi, Pete. Im sorry if woke up you. Or maybe not that sorry, it was time to anyway.”, Tony’s voice says in the speaker. Peter’s cheeks redden at that. He doesn’t know the reason of it, but it’s been almost two months Tony stopped calling him a kid. And now he just said young adult, it gives hope to Peter’s poor heart. Maybe Tony stopped seeing him as a kid. Maybe he sees him more as an equal now ? Lost in his thoughts, the boy doesn’t even realize he didn’t answer to the man on the other side of the phone.

“Alright, imma take that as a no. Gosh, I wondered what happened to the boy that was practically begging to have all my attention.”, Tony laughs softly. Again, he just said Peter wasn’t that boy anymore. The boy makes a little shame sound to the man’s comment about his behavior, feeling his cheeks burning even more.

“N-no, im sorry, im here mr. Stark. You didn’t wake me up. And please take that back, I was never asking for you attention, old man.”, Peter shoots back. He loves doing that. He loves talking back to Tony. “Imma pretend I didn’t hear what you just called me. And Im also gonna pretend like you’re not shamelessly lying to me at the moment. Anyway, you have plans tonight ?”, Tony asks, a bit of growling in his voice. This automatically warms Peter’s heart. He’s probably gonna go to Tony’s lab tonight.

Peter was trying not to smile too much when he remembered Tony wasn’t actually there. “No, I don’t have anything. You want me in the lab ?”, the boy asks and immediately regrets his choice of words. want me in the lab. Fuck. He was gonna say sorry to that, but thanks god Tony speaks before he can make it even more awkward. “No actually I was thinking of something a little more fun. What do you say about eating in a fancy restaurant tonight ?”. Peter’s heart doesn’t skip a beat this time, it skips severals. Tony wants- what ?

“What ?”, he lets out, without even realizing it. “Should I take that as a no again ?”. Tony’s voice echoes in Peter’s brain but never gets analyzed. The boy’s still frozen, his phone hanging in his hand, the sound of his beating heart ringing in his ears.

“Peter ? Fri just told me your heartbeats are unsually high, are you okay ?”. And this time, that wakes him up. “Wh-what ? Oh.. no that’s- im okay, it’s just- MJ!”, Peter stutters as an answer. He swears he can hear Tony’s frowning’s expression in the silence that follows.

“I mean, she- MJ, she sent me a funny, a text, it reminded me of something and I huh.. yeah. No, that’s yes.”. Another long silence. that’s a yes. Peter feels like he just answered a proposal. “Yes as in, im free for tonight, mr. Stark.”, Peter finishes, his cheeks burning with shame.

“Great. And Im not gonna question what just happened, alright ? Be ready for 7.”, Tony simply says before hanging up. Just like that. Just like he didn’t just made Peter’s brain completely fry.

“Did Tony just asked me on a date?”, Peter asks himself out loud, alone in his bedroom, his jaw hanging in shook. What the hell ?

That’s how Peter started the most stressful day of his entire life. Exams ? Spiderman ? Thanos ? Forget all of this, he has a freakin’ date with Tony freakin’ Stark, that is the real stressful shit. He spends half of the day walking in his apartment.

Around 3, he starts to panic hard because Tony said fancy. But Peter doesn’t have fancy clothes. He stayed in front of his phone, hesitating to send Tony something about that or no. He doesn’t want Tony to think he only has kid’s clothes. But then, better this than showing up in a fancy restaurant with a pun-sweat right ?

PP : How should I be dressed for tonight ?

Peter finally sends, not asking but hoping Tony’ll understand what he meant. His smile increases when, 6 minutes after, his phone rings.

TS : Happy is gonna drop you a suit at 5.

Peter’s inside catches fire at that. The words sugar daddy are ringing in his ears. Tony is gonna buy him a suit. Just for tonight. For their date. “Oh my god, imma be sick.”, Peter mumbles. His heart has been beating so fast since the call. And he feels like he’s gonna throw up. And he’s also happy. So happy. But- a date ? With Tony Stark ? Peter has been in love with the man for- he can’t even remember. Of course at first it was just a fan crush, then a real crush, then it bloomed into full love. And Peter never thought he could had a chance. But- Peter’s thoughts get cut by the entry door opening.

It’s May. And it’s been 5 hours now that Peter is combusting with impatience all alone in his apartment that he just can’t help himself. As soon as May starts taking to him, he blurts out : “I’ve got a date tonight!”

That’s how the hundreds of questions start. May knows he’s gay. However, May doesn’t know he loves Tony and she definitely doesn’t know the actual date is with Tony. So when she starts asking who he is, Peter realizes it maybe wasn’t the best idea. So after receiving the 5 hugs May felt like she needed to give him for that, the boy sends another text to Tony.

PP : Can we meet at the park next to my building please?

And then, he lets May giving him advices for tonight. “Alright, I get why you won’t tell me. Even if Im a little concerned, I get it. Where is he taking you ?”, she asks, a big smile on her face. “I don’t know actually, he just said it was somewhere fancy.”, Peter answers, trying not to let his smile gets to him too much.

“And how are you gonna get dressed ? You maybe can try some of Ben’s suit ?”. And Peter’s heart warms at that proposition. “It’s alright May, I already have something to wear actually.”

The two next hours aren’t better, they’re worst. May continues giving him advices. For his sakes, Peter swears himself to never use some. Then he takes a shower, the longest he never took. Just in case. He wants all of his skin to smell good for Tony. His cheeks brun at this thought. Are him and Tony gonna.. ? Now his whole body is warming up and Peter can’t help but jerking off at the thought of him and Tony going home tonight and having some fun.

When Happy leaves him a text saying the suit is in the mailbox, the boy sneaks to get it. Once the suit is on him, Peter can’t stop looking at his own reflection in the mirror. It’s a light blue suit and fuck, he does look good in those. His whole skin is shivering because Tony bought it to him. Tony’s money is touching his skin. The boy snorts at his own weird thoughts. But he can’t help it.

A small whine escapes his lips when he realizes there’s still 1h30 before Tony comes to get him. And that’s the absolute worst feeling ever. Peter tries to work, to watch a tv show, to talk with May, to phone MJ or Ned, to build lego, but nothing is able to make the time look less slow. And the more the time passes, the more Peter’s stomach gets stress crushed.

When 7 pm is finally approaching, Peter’s not even sure he can breath anymore. “Peter, hey- Peter, please can you stop ?”, May finally snaps and Peter turns to her, ready to burst at her that she doesn’t know how he feels right now, but she shushes him before he can even start.

“Everything’s gonna go well, angel. But please, you’re gonna faint before you’ll even get there, alright ? You’re handsome my baby, he’s gonna love you.”, May tries to calm him by hugging him. He was about to answer her when the clock beside them shows that 7 pm is in 5 minutes. Peter jumps saying he’s gonna be late and rushes out of the apartment.

He went down the stairs, crossed the street and went to the park in a 1 minute time. His heart is menacing to get out of his chest. And when he finally hears Tony’s voice behind him, his whole body jerks and he turns to the voice.

His heart stops again. Holy fuck, Tony is- he’s god-handsome. Peter’s jaw opens and doesn’t close.

“You’re doing alright Peter ?”, Tony asks, after a few seconds. Peter tries. He tries really hard. But Tony is in front of him, in a grey suit that looks absolutely heavenly hot on him, and they’re going on a date and-

“Peter ?”, this time, he forces himself to answer before Tony decides to leaves him there. “Hum… huh- yeah? Yeah you look good. I- I mean.. Im good! Im doing… good.”. He watches in horror as Tony tries to not laugh at him. “Blue suits you, by the way.”, Tony comments and Peter tries not to blush or smile at that.

Then the older one shows him the car behind them and Peter hurries inside.

“So. Why the park ?”, the man asks after a few seconds. Peter’s brows frown in confusion. “Forget it. Everything alright Pete ? You look… tense. Did something happened while you patrolled ?”. And this time, Peter’s sure he’s blushing. Why can’t he just relax ? Okay it’s a date but it shouldn’t be any different than the rest of the time they spend together.

“Yeah.. Yeah im sorry I was just a bit nervous, you know… I… Im happy you invited me tho! So.. where are we going ?”, the boy tries to show he’s grateful for this. The last thing he wants is Tony thinking he’s not happy about the date.

“It’s an Italian restaurant, my favorite one. You’ll see, everything that’ll get into your mouth tonight will make you fly.”, Tony answers and there’s a silence. Peter’s cheeks burn hot now. Did Tony really said- oh my god. “Im just realizing how it sounds. Maybe not my best choices of words.”, the man laughs. laughs, as if he didn’t created a whole fire in Peter’s body. The boy just prays not to pop up a boner just because of a single sentence.

The rest of the ride is just small talks and when they finally arrive, Peter stays close to Tony, it makes him feel protected. And he likes it. The smile on his face is uncontrollable. He can’t believe he’s on an actual date with Tony Stark. His heart is about to burst from happiness. And the place is stunning, and Tony’s stunning. And Peter sees people watching them and he feels proud. He knows how much people want Tony. But Tony’s there with him.

Once they’re seated, Peter can’t help but stare at Tony who’s in front of him. And the only thing he can think of is that he loves him. But the boy shuts up. Tony didn’t mentioned it being a date yet, and even when he does, Peter can’t just say he loves him already.

When the menu comes, Peter just stare at the Italian names blankly. “I… I don’t understand anything that’s written.” , he murmurs to Tony, a bit ashamed. But the man just fondly snorts in response and translates him the different propositions. But after the explanations, Peter’s still lost as fuck. what the fuck are all of those ?. Tony laughs again, louder this time, noticing Peter’s lost face.

“You know what, I’ll order for you. How does that sound ?”. The boy’s heart stops and he flushes different shades of red at once. Tony is gonna order for him. “That- That sounds good. Im sorry I don’t know what are those.”, Peter finally says. “Hey, none of that Pete. Plus, Im kinda excited for you to try what I’ll pick for you.”, the man says, like it wasn’t making Peter squirm in his chair. Oh my god, he’s gonna die.

To give himself a bit of capacity, he pretends to read the menu once again and pouts noticing the prices aren’t there. Meaning it must be like, super expensive. He knows Tony can pay, and there’s a side of him that likes it. Because it’s easier for him to call Tony Daddy in his head. But there’s also a part of him that hates it because it feels like he can’t complete. May and Peter are kinda broke and Peter would have liked to be able to pay a restaurant to Tony too.

“What’s up with the pout ?”. Shit. “N-Nothing, mr. Stark really. It’s just… you know, I can’t… it’s a fancy restaurant and May and I aren’t…”, he begins but Tony cuts him. “Im stopping you right there, Peter. Im sorry if me picking a fancy restaurant embarrassed you, I should have asked where you wanted to go first. But don’t worry about that, okay ? Im not asking you to pay for anything, I invited you there.”. Peter feels his heart beating hard in his chest. “No, Im really happy to be there, I swear! I just… I just don’t want- I don’t know, forget it.”.

Tony does what Peter asked him, he drops the subject and start talking about Peter’s project in the lab. And that, it allows Peter to relax a bit. Because it suddenly feels like a normal time with Tony. And not a date. Well, a date yes but not an awkward one. And if Peter chokes on his own saliva when Tony orders in fucking italian in front of him, then at least, the man acts like he didn’t see it. And Peter’s happy there’s a table because explaining to Tony why he’s hard right now would have been real awkward.

It becomes a bit more awkward again when the meals arrive. Because Peter gets aroused by how good the food Tony picked for him is. Because Tony looks genuinely satisfied with the fact Peter moans at every bite he takes. And because watching the gorgeous man eating in front of him is also a whole show.

Peter is too occupied staring at Tony to realize he’s missing his mouth with the next bite he takes. The man laughs gently at him and Peter wants to fucking hide under the table because now Tony’ll think he doesn’t know how to eat.

“That’s good huh ? Knew you would like it.”, Tony smiles, after a minute of silence. The smile on Peter’s lips grows automatically. He likes that. He really likes that Tony knew what he’d like. “That’s… the best thing I ever ate mr. Stark!”, Peter answers, beaming with happiness. Even the awkward moments can’t ruin this for him. He’s so happy.

The rest of the evening goes well. So well even. But the more the end approaches, the more Peter can’t help but asks himself if something’s gonna happen or not. Like… Is Tony gonna bring him home ? Is he gonna kiss him ? Even the thought of that is enough to make Peter’s head feel dizzy. He can’t even let himself imagine something more than a kiss would happen. And if he does, he’s gonna combust in front of Tony. And before his mind decides to picture them having sex, Peter shakes his head, his cheeks reddening with both shame and want. He had so many dream about Tony, so many wet dreams about Tony. He has been dreaming about the man since even before they actually meet. And Peter feels like he would cum the second Tony lays a hand on him. That’d be pretty awkward. And then, Peter can’t help but wonder what Tony sees in him. He’s nobody. Tony can have whoever he wants, and still, he chose him. Does Tony know he’s a virgin still ? Would he care ?

“Okay, have you even listened to a word I just told you ?”, Tony asks, a jaded look on his face. Peter realizes the man has been talking to him and blushes in shame. “Im so sorry! I was thinking… I got lost in my thoughts, sorry.”, he apologizes, hoping Tony won’t think he’s boring him.

“Wow, he’s getting invited to the fanciest restaurant ever and still act like it’s not enough. What more do you want Parker ?”, Tony jokes and one part of Peter is happy he didn’t get upset. Another part of him just wanna scream he wants Tony to kiss him once they’re out of the restaurant. But what if Tony wanna take his time ? He doesn’t wanna sound as desperate as he really is.

“I’d really love for a car.”, Peter jokes back, glad he made Tony smile. “Ask and you shall receive.”. And Peter doesn’t know how honest Tony is with this. He hopes the man is joking. But Tony’s intense look in his eyes when Peter said those words is enough to make him realize the man is serious about this. “I was joking, mr. Stark.”, the boy adds, just to be sure he won’t receive a car tomorrow. Tony doesn’t answer anything to that, which is kinda weird, but Peter doesn’t think too much about it.

When the server comes back and asks if they want a dessert, Tony answers for him again. No. This time Tony doesn’t wait for Peter to even asks him, he just orders him something in Italian again.

“I could have asked him for ice cream you know…”, Peter whines, faking a pout. “Oh so he understands Italian now.”. And the smile Tony had on his lips almost all night is making Peter heart feel so light.

“I don’t, but I don’t think I need a italian degree to understand ‘gelato’, old man.”, Peter teases, making himself feels hot all over his body. He sees Tony’s gaze changing a bit too. Is Tony loving this as much as him ? “Brat.”, the man accuses and Peter stops himself to make a punishment joke. They’re not there yet.

The boy is now eating his damn vanilla ice cream and can’t help the blush creeping on his face again. Tony is staring at him. Not watching. Staring. Peter’s senses can feel his intense gaze on him, on his face. And the boy feels like he doesn’t know how to eat anymore. He’s sure he’s putting ice cream everywhere on his lips and wants to die about it.

“Y-You didn’t want to take something ? Huh… dessert or- or coffee ?”, he stutters, to make things less intense, because Peter is seconds away to moan under Tony’s gaze. “Im all good, thanks Pete.”, Tony answers and the boy doesn’t know if he’s dreaming or not but Tony’s voice sounded more… low ? He goes back to eating his ice cream, hoping it’s the last ice cream he’ll ever eat in his life.

When they finally go out, Peter feels drunk. He’s so happy, so nervous and so horny at the same time. He’d say so in love but let’s not brings more awkward to this. They walk in silence to Tony’s car. And just before Tony can open his car, Peter blurts out : “Thank you so much for the dinner mr. Stark! It was really really good and really fun. I liked it… a lot.”, he says, knowing he’s blushing again but doesn’t care at this point. Maybe Tony is waiting for him to make the first move. Because he doesn’t wanna rush him.

“Pleasure was mine, Pete.”, the man answers, a soft smile on his lips. And then, Peter doesn’t even realize what his body his doing, but that should be the good time no ? His heart is pounding so fast and loud in his chest, ears and whole body as he leans and kiss Tony. A smack. Just a smack. Because Peter doesn’t even know how to kiss. It was fast, but enough to make Peter’s heart explodes in his chest.

But then he sees Tony’s face. Tony’s frozen and shocked face. Shit. Did it was too soon ? Did it sucked ? Did Tony expected someone who could actually kiss him ? Peter wants to throw up. ”Mr. Stark ?”, he asks faintly.

“Peter. What… What was that ?”, Tony questions, his tone dangerously flat. “I- I thought… Im so sorry I... You know with the date and all, I thought maybe… maybe it was a good time to kiss you, you know ? Im sorry if Im not a g-”, Peter painfully begins but gets cut by Tony. “Wait- A date ? It wasn’t a date.”, the man says, his voice suddenly high. Peter’s blood turns cold in his whole body.

What ?

“Wh- What ?”, he breathes, voice already trembling. Oh god no. No no no no, this can’t be happening.

“This. That’s- Christ, Peter. It wasn’t a date. I- I didn’t- We’re not- Fuck.”, Tony panics, his voice almost screaming the last bit, stepping back from Peter. Peter who’s still frozen, watching what’s happening in front of him without being able to move.

“Oh god, Im so sorry if I made you think it was a date, kid. Im- It wasn’t my intention.”, Tony tries to apologize, clearly still panicking. The only word echoing in Peter’s brain is kid. Tony hasn’t called him like that for months. And now he’s doing it again.

“Peter, kid. Shit, you can’t cry- I- Peter Im so sorry I shouldn’t-”. And it’s only when Tony says that that Peter realizes tears are rolling down his cheeks. His heart feels heavy in his chest. No. His heart feels completely crushed in his chest. And the humiliation. The boy still stands there, only capable of crying in front of Tony, who’s panicking on his own.

“Kid, you- Im sorry, Im not mad I swear, we can’t- We just can’t. We’re not… that.”. And Peter’s heart feels like breaking again. “D-Don’t call m-me k-kid.”, and it’s the only thing Peter can lets out before fully starting to cry. Small hiccups escaping his lips.

Tony watches in horror, unable to do much. “Peter, im begging you- stop crying, im not mad, you’re- kid I-”, the man starts and if he wasn’t so much in pain, Peter would have been genially shocked to see Tony struggling so much to speak. “Stop ca-calling me a kid!”, the boy almost screams, surprising both himself and Tony. The man steps back again. There’s a silence. A loud one. A painful one.

“Im sorry. It’s my fault if you thought- Jesus, it’s my fault if you mistook this, Peter. Im sorry I let you think this was a… a date. You can’t- it’s not on you, Im not mad.”, Tony speaks again. But it’s only words. Peter’s brain shut himself. He doesn’t understand what Tony is saying to him. He just wants to die.

“But- But I lo-”, he starts, desperately, only to get cut by the man in front of him again. “No. No you don’t. You- Jesus ki- Pete, it’s not-” and there’s a silence again. “It’s not wh-what ? True ? H-How would you know ? And wh-why… what was al-all of this for if-if it was- n’t a.. a da-date ?”, the boy desperately questions, in between cries. Tony’s pained expression intensifies. “Pete, stop crying.”.

“Answer me!”, the younger one screams. He can’t believe Tony. It’s not true. Tony is just being- delusional.

“Christ why are you doing this ? Peter, it was just- just… us.”. Peter never heard Tony’s voice sounding so desperate before today. But he can’t care. He feels like he’s been crushed by a fucking plane right now.

“Us ? Ye-yeah and Im- im saying that us, is me lo-lo-loving you and you- you looking at me with- with that look in your eyes.”. And Peter can sees Tony’s eyes watering. Again, it’d be the first time he sees Tony crying, but he still can’t care. The man just steps back and sighs, passing both of his hands on his face.

“You stopped calling me ki-kid. And- and you order for me- and- and sh-shit! I- I know you like it. I know i-it because I can se-see it, mr. Stark. I- I want- I want you… pl-please.”, Peter cries even harder now, his voice constantly cut by cries. “Please.”, he begs again. And it’s even more painful because Tony doesn’t answers anything. The man just stand in front if him, completely frozen, with a pained expression on his face. But he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t deny it. Why doesn’t he deny it ?

And suddenly, Tony’s warms hands are on his cheeks, trying to wipes the endless tears coming out of Peter’s eyes. But the sensation of the hand on his cheeks only makes Peter cry more. “Peter… Peter, baby.. please. You- fuck. You have to stop, alright ?”, Tony whispers, so close to him, but yet so far. baby.

Peter doesn’t realize he leans on the touch, he doesn’t realize Tony’s other hand is clenching hard on his light blue jacket. And despite everything that is happening right now, Peter only wants them to kiss. A real kiss.

But the next thing he feels is Tony’s strong body against him. The man is hugging him and Peter can’t help but hug him back, his cries still loudly getting out. “Peter, please. I can’t. You know I can’t. Im so sorry. I shouldn’t have invited you, I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have let myself- I can’t.”, Tony murmurs those things in Peter’s ear, tightening his arm around the boy’s body and it only hurts Peter more. Why is Tony saying all of this ? What does it mean ?

“Please…”. It’s all what Peter is capable to say. Please love me. He feels Tony’s body, Tony’s warmth getting away and hates it. And the boy can’t take it. It hurts so much. So before Tony can even answer with another apologize, Peter’s wrists move on their own, and the next second he’s not there anymore, he’s on the top of the building next to the restaurant. He has to get away from Tony. He can’t stay there.

And if Peter hasn’t jumped on another building right away, he would have been able to hear Tony whispering on his own. “Pete… I wished you’d understand why this can’t be a date, why I can’t let you love me back.”, finally letting himself cry now that Peter ran away.

second square for @starkerfestivals 🙈🙈

alright so first of all im so sorry for this fjndldl 😭😭😭 this bingo is challenging me so much tho bc i wrote my first tony fucking peter and now i wrote my first sad ending

its just the first thing that came to my mind seeing ‘not a date’ so i followed my idea

also i edited it three fucking times bc tumblr was being a bitch with me today 🔪

#starker #ironspider #leah writes sometimes #starkerfestival summer bingo #starkerfestivals #starkerfestivalsevents #sfsummerbingo21

51 notes · View notes

nitewrighter · 3 years

Note

Does Hanzo ever find out what Genji went through/what he was like during Blackwatch? If so, how does he react?

I think he does eventually, like... Genji lets him know that he was in a very difficult physical and emotional place with Blackwatch, and Hanzo’s able to pick up from Mercy that “Okay no, I don’t think you understand, it was really bad”--but she’s also fairly light on the details mostly for Genji’s sake like “Hey, I’m not going to tell you any more than Genji was comfortable with telling you.” And Zenyatta hangs back for the same reasons, and also he wasn’t there so he doesn’t want to distort the details from what Genji’s told him. So the one person Hanzo can actually get the full story from... is McCree.

Also this fic references the first meeting fic so yeah!

----

“Well?” Hanzo had one elbow resting on the bar. Music was faintly playing but it blended in with the humming murmur of the other patrons. Snowflakes were buffeting the glass of the windowpanes just outside and both of them had shrugged off their heavier coats. The bar itself had a homey, lived-in quality to it. Not dirty, but with a definite age to it that seemed to lend a further brightness to the bodies gliding through it and chatting. The icy Andean wind had heightened the redness of Hanzo’s nose and cheeks well before any alcohol had. It contrasted against the cold discernment of his dark brown eyes.

“I’m gonna answer your question with a question--” McCree started.

“Which isn’t an answer--”

McCree leaned back in his bar seat, folding his arms across himself. He almost looked sagely. “Are you asking this because you genuinely think it will help you get a gauge on your shit and move forward, or are you freaking out because things are going more okay than you think you deserve and feel a need to kick yourself square in the Rocky Mountain oysters?”

“Rocky Mountain--?”

“It’s this fried--I’m talking about--” McCree sighed and sipped his whiskey, “I’m saying you’re doing... you’re doing really well, Hanzo. You’re touching base with the team, reachin’ out, you seem to be sleeping and eating better, hell, you’re clutch on missions, but now you’re asking about this, and it worries me.”

“Why should it worry you?” Hanzo’s eyes narrowed.

“Because--y’know... I care about you. You’re a part of this team and I care about you... in a..” McCree cleared his throat, “Team-y way. And... you were stuck in a dark lonely place and I ain’t itchin’ to give you the means to go back there. ”

“But you can understand that the fact that I don’t have the full story distresses me more, can you not?” said Hanzo, “As well as the fact that knowing the more the truth of it is obscured with me, the worse I can assume the situation was.”

McCree scratched at his beard, frowning. “Yeah... yeah I can understand it--but I can also understand Mercy and Zen not spillin’ the beans on Genji’s account.”

“Mm...” Hanzo glanced off and sipped his own drink.

McCree twisted his glass slowly, “Then again, sometimes I think Reyes brought me on the team to begin with because I have a pretty high success rate with the whole, ‘Beg forgiveness before asking permission’ rate.”

Ana called you a charmer, the words almost slipped out of Hanzo but he wasn’t sure how they would land, so he held them in. Instead, Hanzo only mildly gestured at the bartender to refill McCree’s glass.

“Don’t think you’re getting it just because you’re gettin’ me drunk. It ain’t exactly a pretty story,” said McCree.

“I’m prepared,” said Hanzo.

McCree studied him a few moments longer, one hand still wrapped around his glass and one corner of his mouth pulled up with indecision before he closed his eyes and exhaled. “All right,” he said, “If only to keep you from kicking your own ass over what you don’t know.”

“I want you to start at the beginning,” said Hanzo, his stare steady.

“Well t’be fair, Blackwatch was casin’ Hanamura for months, even before your old man passed--er---my condolences--”

Hanzo snorted a little. “It’s... fine,” he said a bit awkwardly. He was more disarmed than really upset at the idea that McCree may have been far better versed in the activities of the Shimada Clan than he had really anticipated.

“Gérard, that is, our UN Attaché, had this whole thing about ‘pulling everything out to the light,’---And the fella was good at it. Could sniff out paper trails and track down dirty money like no other. The initial plan was to get Genji on possession charges and drag the whole clan out behind him. Your old man’s passin’--again, condolences--threw the whole schedule off though. And then we received additional intel that the Shimada dragons might be more.... uh... what’s the word for ‘unusual’ but it’s like... more business-y unusual?”

Hanzo shrugged.

“Un... Im... Uhhh.... Anomalous! That’s the word! Might be more anomalous than we thought and ‘warranting further investigation’ or whatever,” McCree seemed to be easing into the story now, plucking up details from debriefings, “SEP and all its affiliates had been more or less shut down post-Crisis, but there were still worries about human experimentation... strange abilities, and the like. And the dragon stories had been floating around your family for decades, but only when things got destabilized did we consider they might be more than stories. Then we got word that the wheels had been set in motion that the clan would kill Genji before we could get our hands on him--Arrest mission became extraction mission, and extraction mission became rescue mission. The time frame was so sudden we had to bring the Doc along because we thought she would be our best chance at saving him--She wasn’t in Blackwatch, you understand. Wasn’t too keen on undermining the Japanese government either. But... it turns out bringing her along was the right choice.”

Hanzo seemed to be maintaining a veneer of calm, but there was an unmistakeable new undercurrent of tension in his movements and expression as he sipped his own drink.

“You know what he looked like when you left him,” said McCree, “Do you really want me to go into the details there?”

“Yes,” said Hanzo.

McCree huffed and took another gulp of whiskey. The burn of alcohol rasped the first few words of his next sentence. “So it was me, Reyes, the Doc, and a handful of Blackwatch extraction medics touching down in Hanamura that night. Apparently the Shimada clan’s forces were decentralized from the castle. We infiltrated the castle grounds. Found a handful of your security already dead. Took out one more... left his body with the others. Didn’t have time to run a full investigation, or lock anything down. Finding Genji was the top priority. And we found him. Three limbs gone. Puddle of his own blood. Looked midway between... someone had dropped him in a garbage disposal but at the same time... not right--just... gone. The limbs were gone. The wounds were too clean but still bleedin’ out.”

Hanzo’s knuckles curled in, white and shaking as he took a steadying breath. “Consumed,” Hanzo said quietly, “The dragon consumed them.”

“I can stop--” McCree started.

“Finish what you start, Cowboy,” Hanzo’s voice was steady.

McCree swallowed. “I’d seen some fucked up shit under Reyes, but this... yeah, it was new. I kind of froze up, not quite scared, but just trying to make sense of it. But then I snapped out of it as the Doc rushed to him first. I had a vantage point in case other castle security showed up. Reyes was at the opening to that big-ass balcony so he could flag down our evac. So uh, what you need to understand here is that we uh... we actually had very little solid intel as to what the Shimada dragons were capable of.”

“...but I had left the scene well before this,” said Hanzo, trying to puzzle out the timeline of his own fleeing the castle grounds.

“Yeah it... wasn’t your dragon we saw,” said McCree, “See, the Doc, she had to do this... staff... defibrillation thing? I didn’t get a good look at it but Genji, he uh...started thrashin’ and this light sprang out of him. Bright green. Never seen anything like it. He was screaming. Next thing I know he’s grabbing Mercy’s neck.”

Hanzo flinched with some alertness. “What?”

“I mean--first instinct, I’m saying to Reyes, ‘Boss, I got a shot’--like, I know the mission was asset acquisition, but light show or not I wasn’t about to let him kill Angela, but then she hollers out ‘Don’t shoot him!’ And I’m stuck there looking to Reyes like, ‘You’re gonna override that, right?’ And... and Reyes was so calm... I--I could see him doing the math. Breaking people down to resources... breaking their deaths down to trade-offs...”

“You... thought you had to shoot Genji--” Hanzo’s brow was crinkling.

“If Reyes gave me the word,” McCree shrugged, then itched at the brim of his hat, “I never thought someone would hesitate on saving the doc like he was doing right there, though. But.... then she said something to Genji. Never asked what it was, but it seemed to calm him down before he passed out.”

“And you’re saying he grabbed her neck when they first met,” Hanzo’s eyes were narrowed, “But they’re...”

“Well, he was only half-conscious and in this full-on survival mode and she had just... jammed a huge amount of biotic-whatever into his chest. He didn’t know if she was helping or trying to... y’know it was like those times you nearly punched me in the face when I was trying to wake you up from those night terrors.”

“I’m sorry for that,” said Hanzo.

“Psh. If I had a nickel for every time someone took a swing at me out of some kind of traumatic reflex...” he smiled to try and make this seem more lighthearted than it actually was, but Hanzo seemed to still be processing everything, so McCree cleared his throat. “Word of advice, though, don’t make any ‘I guess you’re into that’ jokes with the doc,” he said with a nervous laugh, “No it uh... it took them both a while. I mean, there was this thing there, definitely, but yeah, they were both neck-deep in a whole bunch of shit for a while before they really acknowledged anything.”

“Did Genji take a swing at you?” asked Hanzo.

“Not outside of a Blackwatch sparring ring,” said McCree, “But Jesus, he was scary on the training floor. Still is, sometimes.” McCree paused for a few seconds. “He was obsessed with killing you, y’know. Taking down the whole clan and killing you. Every mission where he got a sniff of you, every mission he thought you might be there and you weren’t, he’d come back snarling.”

Hanzo blinked a few times and glanced down. He knew it made sense, given the idea of justice their family had ingrained in them, but there was still an odd sting to the idea. But I’m his brother, he thought, but then he thought, But that didn’t stop me.

McCree seemed to take Hanzo’s silence as permission to go on. “ I’d try to distract him... try to get his head out of his ass sometimes, but a lot of the time... you see any living thing in a state like that, all you can do is give it space. Genji did give us a decent amount of intel on the Shimada clan’s bigger operations... but when it came to actually getting in there... he was always the first one on the ground. As you can imagine, it was personal for him. There were a handful of bullshit ‘stakeouts’ in Japan where Genji would ditch me... I knew Reyes wasn’t telling me the whole story, then again, it wasn’t my job to know the whole story.” McCree sipped his drink. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t know what he was doing, though.”

“...killing heads of the clan,” Hanzo said quietly.

“Can’t exactly confirm or deny that but... yeah,” said McCree. A prickle of alarm seemed to go through him. “Look, I don’t want to kick off any more brother-killing fuckery--”

“You’re not, Jesse,” Hanzo’s voice was subdued, “I was the right hand of the clan... and the destruction wrought by Genji was, if anything, a product of my own actions.”

“Also his actions--He was fucking nightmare--I mean I liked him, but he was a fucking nightmare, sometimes. Lashed out--like... you didn’t really think of him as giving a shit about you with all that seething over the Shimada clan--- but then he’d know how to say something that hurts, and he knows exactly how it hurts, and you wouldn’t know if he learned how to hurt that bad from your family or just because he was hurtin’ that bad and---” McCree seemed to catch the alarmed look in Hanzo’s eyes, then took a steadying breath before sipping his drink again, “Look... this stuff... it’s all in the past. And he is a lot better now. And he is one of my best friends. Kind of wild how someone who hurt you that deeply can be a best friend like that, but... that’s kind of how life works. Kind of how this shit works when you don’t know if you’re coming back from that next mission. We’re all fucked up here. It’s about learning to take the fucked up parts of yourself and trying to make it into something that helps the people that mean something to you. ”

“The people that mean something to me...” Hanzo repeated quietly. He remembered McCree’s words from his second night on the watchpoint. ‘We’re all just background noise to you. You’re just here so you can stop kicking your own ass after Genji.’ Then he remembered Genji’s words. ‘Well... you’ve been traveling the world for a decade... has there... been anyone? Anyone special? Anyone you loved?’

“...I feel like I’ve let that part of me atrophy,” Hanzo said quietly. Answering Genji’s question, not McCree’s words.

“Atrophy?” McCree repeated.

“When you don’t use a muscle for a long time and... it ceases to be able to functi--”

“I know what ‘Atrophy’ means--” McCree wasn’t making eye contact, “You let... caring about other people... atrophy,” he parsed, trying to trace out Hanzo’s thought process.

“Mm,” Hanzo took a sip of his own drink, “So while I was wandering in grief, Genji was consumed by pain and rage.”

“Which... he’s told you,” said McCree.

“Well, yes, but he didn’t go into details,” said Hanzo, “I know, this might be difficult or painful to talk about, but I really do appreciate getting a more complete picture of what happened to him after my actions.”

McCree tilted his own glass back and forth on the bar counter, letting the whiskey rock around the interior.“I know, but...don’t heap all this on yourself. Reyes always said he wanted the cockroach motherfuckers, and he was more than happy to let Genji snap and swear and lash out and burn the house down because that suited Blackwatch’s agenda better than, I dunno, therapy? Only when we got benched after the Venice incident did he yank in Genji’s leash, because hey, it turned out having a PTSD cyborg tearin’ around the base cussin’ people out wasn’t a good look for Blackwatch.”

Hanzo huffed a little. There was an odd comfort in that. But then he paused, running over the course of McCree’s words in his mind. “...you keep bringing up Reyes,” Hanzo said, fixing his eyes on McCree.

“Sorry--I--I know this should be about Genji,” said McCree.

“No it... it gives some perspective,” said Hanzo, “You trusted Reyes, didn’t you?”

McCree’s mouth tightened for a few seconds before he drew in a short breath through his nostrils. “Yeah... yeah, I did. He just... I mean I’d keep telling myself I was my own person, that I did things with my own style, but so did he. So like... whether it’s ‘your own style’ from fuckin’ Santa Fe or Los Angeles... is there really that much of a difference? If you still picture yourself in their boots, give or take a decade or so?”

“Hm,” Hanzo was thoughtful at this, “I imagined myself in my father’s position so long that when everything came apart and I found myself wandering the world, dodging the clan’s assassins I felt... like a stranger.”

“Kind of liked being a stranger,” said McCree with slight shrug, “Stranger’s from nowhere. Got nothing to prove.... guess it probably hits different if you got a whole... magical crime lord prince destiny thing, huh?”

“The dragon is not magical,” said Hanzo flatly, but a smile was tugging at his lips.

“Debatable,” said McCree, “First of all: It’s a dragon.”

Hanzo snorted and a quiet pause passed between them. Not uncomfortable, but definitely tired, letting McCree’s words and all the pain and memory that came with them drift and dissipate into the warm air of the bar.

“...I could tell you more if you want,” said McCree, after a few beats. “I do have funnier stories... wasn’t all... ‘he was fucked up.’ And--Genji did seem to be getting better-ish towards the end there, once they put him on Tracer’s strike team... but by then Overwatch itself was coming apart.” He snorted. “I guess that’s kind of a running theme with this stuff.”

“I appreciate the offer,” said Hanzo with a slight chuckle. He paused. “Tracer’s strike team?”

“Well, she and Winston probably got more stories there than I do,” said McCree, “And maybe the doc, if it’s in good faith.” He sipped his drink. “You’re welcome to run off to try and ask them about it.”

“I think... this is enough for now,” said Hanzo. After a few beats he said, “You’re not... all background noise to me.”

“What?” said McCree.

“That... you said that on the second night,” said Hanzo, “It’s... it’s not that I don’t value life, or other people--I’m just... it’s been a very long time since I’ve worked with other people, since I’ve talked to other people on a regular basis like this, since I’ve stayed in one place this long, and...” he trailed off, then took a sip of his own drink with some resolve, “I’m afraid,” he said, letting those words sit in the air for a few seconds, “I’m afraid of lending my abilities to another organization that’s used people to hurt other people and then tossed them aside. When your only connection to other people for most of your life was this twisted blood loyalty...” Hanzo trailed off.

“I’m scared of makin’ the same mistakes too, for what it’s worth,” said McCree, “I don’t think fear like that ever goes away.”

“Redemption’s a bitch?” said Hanzo with a slight smile.

McCree broke into chuckles. “You should swear more often. I feel like that’ll help.”

“You’ve sworn plenty for the both of us, tonight,” said Hanzo crisply, sipping his own drink.

“Still, I’m gonna make it a mission to get a ‘fuck’ out of you,” said McCree and Hanzo choked and sputtered. “I didn’t mean it like that! You know what I mean!” McCree was laughing as Hanzo’s attention was split between choking and laughing and desperately looking around for a napkin after spitting his drink. The bartender swooped by with a napkin and the laughs boiled down into chuckles as Hanzo cleaned up a bit. There was another pause then, that same settling of understanding.

“Thank you,” Hanzo said after a few beats.

“You already thanked me--don’t know what’s worth thanking about saying ‘hey your brother was fucked up and so were we.’”

“Honesty. I appreciate honesty.”

McCree smiled and then shrugged.“Hey--y’know, for all the shit I give you,” McCree started and trailed off, “What I said that night about... all of us being background noise... I know that.. that wasn’t really fair. You really didn’t know any of us and, y’know, as far as the general public is concerned, we’re a whole bunch of mercenary weirdoes doing vigilante shit.”

“And Genji was the only person here I knew, and was really...” Hanzo sighed, “I suppose, I fixed him in my mind to be my last chance at humanity--and made myself out to be a monster to all of you in pursuing that.”

“Well... you’re doing better, I can tell you that much. And... y’know folks are warming up to you.”

“Except Angela,” said Hanzo, with a weary smile.

“She needs time on that... I wouldn’t try to force it,” said McCree, “Baby steps and all that.”

Hanzo huffed a little.

“Hey,” McCree lifted his glass, “To baby steps and runnin’ the hell away from all our old role models.”

“Indeed,” Hanzo clinked his glass against Genji’s. Both sipped their drinks and another pause passed over them. Hanzo felt McCree’s eyes on him and looked over at him.l

“Hey just so we’re clear,” McCree’s chin was in his hand, “I didn’t accidentally kick off some huge new bloody vengeance thing by telling you all this, right?”

“You did not,” said Hanzo with a wry smile.

“Oh thank god.”

#mchanzo #gency

53 notes · View notes

jubilantwriter · 4 years

Text

Jaspvid Week 2020: Day 3 - Summer

fuck it at this rate i’m just gonna be posting late never get a night shift job y’all

(AO3) @jaspvid-week

You Can't be Traumatized if You Don't Go to Summer Camp

Summary: They met by an ice cream truck as children. And since then, it’s been a tradition for them to meet up and buy ice cream together.

Word Count: 5088

Jasper loves summer. Summer means no school, no homework, and no teachers to be bummed out by! Since he's eleven now, he thinks that maybe his mom will let him go to the community pool more often, since he can totally swim by himself without her worrying that he'll go to the deep end and drown.

He's too rad for that anyways! And since summer vacation started, he's been having fun watching the Saturday morning cartoons and hanging out with his friends whenever they want to come over and play. With the heat bringing it's A game this year though, more and more of his time is spent just lounging inside his house, trying to beat the heat with his mom's rotating fan.

In fact, here he sits, mouth wide open as he makes a long "ahhhh" sound at it, giggling as the fan messes with his voice. Although summer isn't always about having fun and playing with his mom's fan and going swimming at the pool. He keeps his ears perked as he waits for a special kind of song to start making its rounds around the block.

And sure enough, the musical notes of a familiar tune rings throughout the neighborhood, and Jasper is already making a mad dash to his mom for some sweet, sweet cash.

"Mom!" He waves his hands back and forth to get her attention. "Mom, the ice cream truck!"

His mom smiles, having already heard the tune and pulling her wallet out of her purse. "Alright, hold on." A few dollars bills are handed over as Jasper grabs them eagerly.

"Rad!"

"But only buy one, okay? Dinner's coming up soon."

"Okay!" He dashes out the door just in time to see the ice cream turn the corner onto his street. "Hey!" He waves his hand in the air, flagging down the ice cream truck as it continues past his house. It slows to a stop as he chases after it when he notices another kid peek his head out.

Red hair.

Green eyes.

And the scariest frown he's seen.

He smiles as he waves at his neighbor.

"Hi, Davey!"

"Don't call me that!" David yells as he slams his front door shut, disappearing back into his house.

"Jeepers, man." Normally, all the other kids would feel put out by having their neighbor slam a door shut at them, but Jasper was used to it. It was pretty rude yeah, but as long as Jasper kept his distance, David wouldn't start throwing rocks at him! It's a good thing Jasper is a quick learner, otherwise there would have been a lot more rocks in his future.

"Hey, kid." A man with a scraggly looking face rolls down the window. The ice cream man! "You wanted somethin'?"

"Sure do, mister!" Jasper looks over the ice cream choices on the side of the truck. There were ice cream sandwiches, drumsticks, those push pop thingies, the faces with bubblegum eyes, that frozen lemonade stuff in a cup that tastes okay he supposes, and- "One bomb pop! Please!"

"Sure, which flavor?"

"The one that looks like a rocket!"

"Red, white, and blue, comin' up." Jasper waits patiently as the ice cream man disappears for a minute before reappearing with the cold treat. "Here ya go. One American ice cream."

"Is it really called that?"

"Nah. That's a dollar." Jasper hands over the dollar and grabs the frosty treat from the man as he sits on the sidewalk. As he unwraps the popsicle, the ice cream man grunts in surprise.

"You want somethin' too?" Jasper looks up and sees David standing not too far from him. He's biting his lip, fists buried deep in his pockets as he glares at the ice cream on the truck. "Gotta pay up, kid."

"...Not if I take it first!" Jasper watches as David runs and leaps at the truck's window, grabbing onto the ledge as the ice cream man looks unimpressed.

"Nice try, kid." He flicks off every single one of his tiny fingers, making David land on the ground with a soft "oof!". "Maybe come back with a dollar, and I'll give ya what your bratty heart so desires."

"Whatever!" David stands up quickly and stomps his foot. "Ice cream is for squares anyways!" As the ginger stomps off, Jasper wonders how many times David's tried to pull that off. He gets up and walks back to the truck.

"Hey, mister?"

"Whatcha want, kid?" The ice cream man eyes him from the window. "You better eat that quick 'fore the sun melts it."

"Oh I will! It's just, um," he digs around in his pocket and pulls out another dollar, "can I have another one?"

The ice cream man takes it slowly, looking between Jasper and a door that slams shut yet again.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." Technically, Jasper wasn't breaking any rules. He grins up at the man brightly. "Umm, can I have..."

Actually, which one WOULD he like? It's not like Jasper knows enough about David to make a good guess. All he knows is that David is grumpy, hates people, sasses adults, and is an overall menace to everyone around him.

But he's also seen David out in the rain, with no umbrella or raincoat to speak of, just picking worms off the sidewalk and tossing them into the grass. He's seen David yell at bullies, aim only for the legs in dodgeball, and even sit next to a crying kid silently just so he wouldn't be alone.

Jasper points at the vanilla bar with the hard outside.

"Can I have that one?"

"Sure, kid." The ice cream man disappears and comes back with the wrapped treat, but he looks hesitant to give it to him. "Are ya sure...?"

"Totally man! My mom says that if I treat people the way I wanna be treated, I can make friends way faster like that!"

"That's one way to do it, I guess." The ice cream man shrugs as he hands over the treat. "Better give it to him before it melts then."

"Will do! Thanks, mister!"

The ice cream man waves as Jasper runs to David's house, sticking his melting popsicle in his mouth as he knocks on the door. The door creaks open slowly, a single green eye peeking out suspiciously before he spies Jasper standing on his doorstep. Jasper pops his popsicle out and grins.

"Heya, broski!"

"Oh, it's you." Ouch. "What do you want?" Jasper waves the wrapped treat in front of David.

"I did something totally wack and got an extra by accident! And I'm only supposed to have one ice cream before dinner or else my mom will totally wig out, so I thought maybe you'd like it?" David stares at the ice cream with a suspicious squint.

"...Why are you giving it to me?"

"Because you're the only kid I know in this neighborhood!"

"Liar."

"Okay, maybe I know a few other kids, but you were closer!"

"What's the catch?" David glares at Jasper, holding onto his door tight. "I take the ice cream and then what? I gotta give you my allowance? Beat the snot outta someone? Be your friend because you're a weird loner?"

Well, Jasper's not exactly a loner, but he wouldn't mind being friends with David if he'd just stop being mean for a second.

"It's just ice cream, dude. Take it or leave it."

David swipes the bar from his hand and slams the door in Jasper's face.

"Nice!" The ice cream man calls, laughing as Jasper walks away with a huff.

Well.

At least he took the dang thing.

////

The ice cream truck comes again, and this time, the man grins as Jasper points at an ice cream sandwich.

"Gonna get a second one too while you're at it?" He points to a door cracking open, and a familiar tuft of red hair peeking out.

"...I dunno, maybe." Last time didn't work out so hot. Maybe David just doesn't want friends. Maybe he's the loner.

And Jasper's fine with that. It's not like he has to be friends with David anyways.

"Who knows, kid? Maybe he's like a stray cat. Gotta be nice to 'im and bait 'im 'til he comes out."

"You just want my mom's money."

"Absolutely, now are you gonna buy another one or not?"

"I said I dunno." Jasper huffs as he waits for the ice cream man to give him his sandwich. As he takes it, he hears the door shut and he turns to find David no longer hiding by his door.

"Looks like the runt went back into hiding." The ice cream man hums to himself as Jasper unwraps his treat and starts to munch away. A bright look comes across the man's face as he ducks into his truck as Jasper watches curiously. When the ice cream man resurfaces from his searching, a yellowish cup is held in his hand as he shoves it at Jasper's face. "Here, kid."

Jasper scrunches up his face.

"I don't want it."

"Nah, kid, it's free."

"I still don't want it."

"Look, I got a whole bunch of these laying around 'cause kids don't want 'em as much as the other stuff I got. So why not throw it at that kid's face so you're not wasting your ma's money and I'm gettin' rida stock I don't need?"

"I don't want him to hate me more than he already does!"

"Can't get any lower than rock bottom, kid."

Oh, he'd beg to differ.

But the ice cream man tosses him what was essentially frozen lemonade, but not like, the good lemonade, but the lemonade that was just pure lemon juice with some water, maybe even too much water, mixed in, and then they put it in the freezer, and then put that ice block into a blender, turned it on high, and poured the goop into a cup to be sold to children who actually knew what good lemonade tasted like.

And this was not good lemonade.

Jasper barely manages to catch it as it smacks into his chest.

"Good luck, kid!" The ice cream man salutes him before rushing off into the driver's seat to drive away.

"But I said I didn't want it!" Fruitlessly, he yells at the disappearing ice cream truck, groaning loudly as he clutches this awful excuse for a lemony treat. What was he supposed to do with it?

...

Well, he could actually give it to David.

Maybe he was into this sort of stuff.

Frozen, bad lemonade. That was kind of like shaved ice, but not really. The outside of the cup sweats in his hand, reminding him of the hot temperature.

Maybe he wouldn't care? Maybe he'll take it because it's so hot out and use it as a, like, ice pack or something.

His feet are already walking him to David's door, and after cramming the ice cream sandwich in his mouth, he once again knocks on the door, but with less enthusiasm this time. David opens the door, but he looks only a little surprised.

"What do you want, Jasper?"

Oh, he knows his name?

"Uh, here." His words are muffled around the sandwich, but David takes the cup regardless.

And scrunches up his face when he sees it.

"Ugh! I don't want this!"

"Me neither!"

"It sucks!"

"I know!"

David blinks, as if registering that Jasper was actually agreeing with him.

"So why are you giving this to me?" Jasper swallows a bite of his sandwich and shrugs.

"I dunno, maybe you can like, use it as an ice pack?"

"Pfft." David snorts, which makes Jasper perk up a bit. "As if. This thing'll only last for a few minutes."

"What are you gonna do then?" Jasper watches as David wipes the sweat from his brow, frowning as he stares down at the cup.

And sighs dramatically.

"Guess I'll eat the dang thing."

"...You sure?"

"Well it's not like I have a choice." Jasper expects more bite to his words, but the ginger merely says it with a tired reluctance he doesn't expect. "Thanks, though."

"Oh uh, sure, duderino." He expects David to slam the door in his face but the boy just... keeps it open. "Guess I'll see you around?"

"Whatever." David shrugs as he pops the lid open. "See ya."

He walks away from David's house and doesn't hear the door close. When he makes it to his own house, he looks over to where David's house is and sees the boy sitting there. Quietly eating his treat in the open doorway.

And Jasper swears.

He's eating it with a smile.

////

When Jasper approaches the familiar ice cream truck, he can hear two voices yelling at each other near the truck's window.

"You tellin' me this is all two dollars?!"

"I said count 'em, you gigantic square!"

"Uhh...?" Jasper walks up to find David gripping the edge of the window from where he hangs with a snarl. The ice cream man glares back down at David as he holds a fist full of coins. Oh.

"It's two dollars!"

"Quit jerkin' my chain! As if I'd believe you!"

"Can I count?" The two of them turn their heads to Jasper as he sheepishly rubs his arm. "I mean, if I count them in front of you, it'd save you the trouble and prove Dave- David's telling the truth." The ice cream man rolls his eyes but hands the change over to Jasper regardless. And so the brunette carefully sorts out the assortment of change, and holy cow, he can see why the ice cream man was angry at first. It's a big mess of nickels and pennies and dimes, with maybe one quarter in the mix, but he counts out the change dutifully, carefully, and out loud so that the ice cream man can see his work.

"...and two dollars." He gathers up the change and holds it up to the ice cream man. "David was telling the truth."

"I told you, you big doofus."

"Watch it, kid, or else I'm taking your money and drivin' away."

"That's stealing!"

"As if you haven't tried stealin' from me before." But the ice cream man disappears and comes back with two drumsticks. "Here, your ice cream."

"Yessss!" David takes them both, before turning to Jasper and handing him a stick.

"...Huh?"

"Here." He shoves it into Jasper's hand and looks away. "For the other times you got me ice cream."

"Oh! You didn't have to-"

"Later, nerd!" David runs off and into his house, slamming the door shut as he leaves Jasper in the dust.

"...Are you two friends now?"

"Uhh." Jasper looks down at the drumstick in his hand. It's the usual kind - vanilla, coated with chocolate and nuts. He unwraps it and gnaws on the outer shell.

Sweet.

"...Maybe."

"Huh." The ice cream man sounds amused as he reclines against his window. "That was quick."

////

It becomes a routine.

Everyday, the ice cream man comes. Sometimes it'll be Jasper who meets him first. And sometimes it's David.

But there's an unspoken rule between them.

They have to wait until the other shows up before leaving.

It's like a meeting place, but with a guy who brings the meeting place to them.

Normally, they just buy the ice cream and part ways back to their houses.

But sometimes...

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"What?"

Jasper and David sit on the curb, the ice cream man already driving away as they eat. It's too hot to stay indoors, so they find themselves having a rare moment outside in the sun. Jasper wouldn't mind staying quiet, if only for the fact that David bites down on the bomb pop like it's candy and crunching away at it in his mouth.

Just watching him eat it makes Jasper's teeth ache.

"Biting down on it!"

"No it doesn't." David chomps down on it again, making Jasper cringe.

"My mom says that biting ice cream like that can hurt your teeth."

David snorts.

"You're just a chicken."

"Am not!"

"Then do it, chicken."

Jasper looks at his own popsicle. He doesn't want to hurt his teeth, but he also doesn't want to be called a chicken. David grins slyly as he nudges Jasper.

"Chiiiickeeeeen," he goads.

"I'm not a chicken!" Without a second thought, Jasper bites down on his popsicle and crunches down on the block of flavored ice. It feels as though the ice is freezing his teeth all the way down to his gums, and it sort of hurts, and sort of doesn't.

It's still not pleasant though, so he chews through it quickly.

"See?" David nudges him again with a lighter grin as he goes back to polishing off the popsicle. "It's not that bad."

"Ugh." He determines not to do that again. "I think I'll pass on eating popsicles like that ever again."

David snickers but doesn't push him. Instead, they both kick at the asphalt beneath their feet and take in the rays.

////

Summer comes, and summer goes. They go back to school, pretend they don't know each other asides from a neighborly nod, before continuing on with their lives.

But when summer returns, they find themselves meeting up back at the ice cream truck.

"Wanna try these ones?!" Jasper excitedly points at the pastel-looking ice cream bars on the truck.

"Are you getting it only for the colors?"

"Why not!"

"That's dumb. You're dumb."

"You just don't wanna admit you wanna try the cotton candy one." Jasper teases the ginger as David rolls his eyes.

"Whatever. I'll just take the watermelon one."

"Well, I'm taking the cotton candy one, 'cause I'm not a chicken."

"You take that back."

"Are you kids gonna pay or what?"

"Here you go, mister!" As the ice cream man hands them their treats, the two of them sit back on the curb, kicking at the asphalt as they get used to each other yet again.

"You think his menu ever changes?"

"Nah, he seems too lazy to do that."

"But what if something new comes out? Like a tubular kind of ice cream."

"He already has a tube-y ice cream."

"No, like tubular! Like wicked? Gnarly?"

"...I hate you so much. Just speak like a human!"

"But I am??" David yells as Jasper laughs. "Take a chill pill, man! It's how everyone speaks nowadays!"

"That's a lie. A big, dumb lie that only a square would make."

"Calling people a square is sooo outdated, Davey." The nickname slips out before Jasper can stop himself, and he slaps his hand over his mouth in shock. "Oh, no, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine."

And he blinks.

"...Huh?"

"I said it's fine." David kicks at the asphalt, keeping his eyes away from Jasper's as he bites into his ice cream. "...I'm okay with you calling me 'Davey'."

"Are. Are you sure?"

"Yeah." David shrugs before turning to face Jasper. He looks uncertain, nervous even as he twirls the melting treating between his fingers. "I mean, we're friends, right?"

And he blinks again.

Mouth slightly agape.

He must have taken too long to respond because suddenly David's ears are bright red as he stands up abruptly. "Wh-whatever! If we're not friends, just say it-!"

"We are!" Jasper stands up just as quickly, a giddy grin making it onto his face as he makes to hug David, only to remember the sticky ice cream in their hands. "We're friends!"

It's David's turn to blink as he registers the words Jasper says. And then.

He smiles.

A real, genuine smile.

"...Cool!"

And when summer inevitably ends, he hopes he'll get more than a nod from David as they pass each other in the halls.

////

Summers come, and summers go. As they pass each other in the halls, Jasper goes for a high-five that David avoids, only to punch Jasper (lightly) in the arm later.

They sit next to each other at lunch, Jasper sharing his snacks with David as the latter pours over Jasper's homework as Jasper explains each problem to him.

They become an odd pair, the two of them. David's bristly exterior is immediately softened when Jasper is nearby, and Jasper's mood lightens considerably no matter the problem he has to face as long as David is there with him.

People often ask him if he hopes to make David a more cheery person by sticking with him. After all, Jasper is all smiles and bright colors. But Jasper just shrugs, saying he likes David the way he is.

If David changes, then he'll still like him.

Because David is David.

Just like how Jasper is Jasper.

Some things about them will change, Jasper knows that's inevitable. Habits change, opinions change, outlooks change.

But some routines never change.

They're fourteen as they wait for the ice cream truck together, sitting on Jasper's front lawn as the cool grass stains their shorts.

"Aren't we too old for ice cream trucks?" David is lying down besides Jasper, his eyes closed as Jasper drops torn up grass onto his face. Jasper giggles as David swats halfheartedly at his hand.

"Nah."

"We could be doing something else. Like playing games. Or eating ice."

"Only you would eat ice."

"Yeah well, maybe if you didn't think your teeth were so fragile-"

Jasper rolls David over, the other boy squeaking indignantly as his words are muffled by the dirt and grass.

"UGH! JASP-" And then a familiar jingle rounds the corner.

"Oh it's Mr. Kevin!" Jasper bounces to his feet and dashes away to meet the familiar driver. "What's up-!"

David comes up from behind Jasper and grabs him in a headlock, already yelling at the amused man as he pulls out a few bills.

"HE WANTS THE LEMON ICE!"

"HEY-"

"Whatever my loyal customers want."

"HEY-"

////

A few more summers come and go. Puberty is wack. High school is wack. Preparing for college is super bogus wack. But David isn't wack.

If time could stop for just a moment, just so Jasper could have more seconds in the day to relish those moments of happiness that escape them more often than not, then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't feel as though everything was falling through his fingers so quickly.

Things change too quickly.

Times change too quickly.

Even old routines, that one routine he'd grown to depend on every summer.

That began to change too.

As the two of them wait for the ice cream man, a man who has slowly begun to fade from their lives as the times change, Jasper finds himself clutching desperately to the past as his feet tap nervously against the grass. He can feel David's eyes on him, watching as his best friend slowly unravels before him. With a sigh, David leans against him, forcing Jasper to a halt as he forces the teen to lay down in the grass.

Up above them, the clouds roll by peacefully, completely unbothered and untethered to any sorts of worries.

"...You think he's gonna come by?"

"I don't think he's got enough customers to justify it, Jasp."

"...Bummer."

"Hm."

They continue to watch the clouds for a while, Jasper's disappointment settling on his face as he wonders if he took his childhood for granted yet again. A finger prods his cheek, and he turns to see David's green eyes. Calm. Relaxed, even. He's mellowed out throughout the years, but he still wears a frown most days. He's grown up a lot since he was that mean, bratty kid next door.

"You want ice cream that bad?"

"It's not that." Jasper bites his lip. He's kind of embarrassed actually, wanting to stick to this routine for so long. David's probably long since gotten tired of waiting for the ice cream truck, especially during these recent years as the man showed up less and less. But he never complains or goes against Jasper's wants, and instead plays along patiently as Jasper continues to cling.

"Then what is it?"

Is it hard to explain? Or is it just embarrassing to say? He looks over to David, and there's understanding in his eyes as he props himself up, waiting for Jasper to choose his words without any rush.

How lucky was he to keep a friend like David for so long?

"We stuck together because of the ice cream truck." David's eyes widen as the words sink in. Jasper laughs, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck as he looks away. "I dunno it just- I'm probably just tripping over this for no reason, dude, sorry-"

"It's important to you." Jasper feels David lean against him as he thinks out loud. "I don't think it's wrong that you're upset about it."

"...But it's a dumb thing to cling to."

"Not really. We became friends because we kept buying ice cream together. I think that's pretty meaningful." David rests his chin on Jasper's shoulder as they continue to sit, waiting for nothing to arrive.

"Is it bad that I miss it?"

"Nah."

The breeze ruffles their hair.

"...What do you think Kevin is up to?"

"Probably selling drugs."

"Davey!"

"What?" The ginger laughs, puffs of warm brushing against Jasper's neck as he gradually calms down. "I'm right."

"You don't know that."

"Maybe."

Jasper closes his eyes. It's hot out, but he doesn't mind David sticking so close by. It's comforting, actually, feeling his warmth like this. Like, no matter what, even if the ice cream truck doesn't come by anymore, David doesn't really need a reason to just come by and sit next to Jasper and do nothing together.

At least that won't change.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Let's do something next year."

"Like what?"

"Something new." David turns his attention back to the sky and reaches out towards it. He tries to grab a cloud, but it floats away from his hand. "I've always wanted to go camping."

"But we don't know anything about camping."

"We can practice." David pulls back just enough to look Jasper in the eye, bright eyed at the prospect. "We got a whole year to prepare, and we'll be graduating soon anyways. Why not do something special for that summer?"

No more ice cream trucks. No more sitting around. But something new to fill in the void.

It couldn't hurt, right?

"Yeah." He smiles as David returns with his own grin. "Let's try that out."

\\\\

Summers come as they are wont to do. And they leave as they tend to do. The ice cream truck never comes back.

But that's okay.

David brightens up significantly as they begin camping, and Jasper wonders if he'd been holding his friend back for so long, making him wait for trucks to come when it was clear they needed to move on.

And yet.

He stood by him the entire time, waiting until Jasper was ready to let go.

An unspoken trust. With unwavering understanding.

Camping is alright, he supposes, but David loves how the trees surround them, how the birds sing above them, the way they come across streams and rivers as though they were new discoveries.

Camping is alright. But David's happiness is worth so much more.

"Jasp!" David pulls him along to the nearby clearing, their campfire crackling softly as he points up to the sky. "You don't get to see stars like this often!"

"...Yeah." He watches as David stares up at the night sky, so unlike the boy he grew up with. It's a side of him he's rarely seen before.

And he thinks that it's a shame that they never got to explore this side of him sooner.

Wouldn't that have made David happier?

David turns to Jasper, head tilted to the side as he catches his friend staring.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Oh, uh, nothing." He looks away with a blush, scratching at his cheek as he looks for something to distract David with. "Oh yeah, we should make sure the campfire doesn't burn down anything, right?"

"Oh- yeah!" David rushes back, already worried as Jasper laughs.

This.

This is different.

But it's a good kind of different.

"Hey."

"Huh?" David looks up from where he sits by the fire, watching as Jasper plops down besides him.

"Why do you like camping so much?"

"...I dunno it just." He shrugs, smiling wistfully as he watches the fire. "I mean, I used to camp a lot with my dad. Before he left."

Ah, right.

"Wouldn't you hate camping then?"

"I mean, I did. For a long time, I did." David laughs, a light blush dusting his cheeks as he talks. "But then, you became my friend. And we grew closer and. I just wanted to do something with you. Something that we could claim as our own. Sure, there was that whole ice cream thing but. That could only last for so long, and when it ran its course, I saw how you were struggling to just. Wrap your mind around losing something that was so us. And I wanted to do something. Make a new something. And. Camping was the only thing I could think of." He shrugs as he turns to face Jasper, the brunette wide eyed as the ginger grins. "It just felt... right, you know?"

"...God." Jasper shakes his head, laughing as he does so. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"Only because you stuck by long enough for me to be amazing." David nudges his shoulder playfully. "...Hey."

"Hm?"

"Thanks. For actually, um. Being my friend." David looks down as he speaks. "It couldn't have been easy."

"...Nah, thanks for letting me stick to that ice cream schtick for so long." Jasper bonks his head gently against David's. "That couldn't have been easy."

"It's whatever." David bonks back with a smile. "I mean, as long as I got to spend time with you, it was worth it."

...Yeah.

It was, wasn't it?

He smiles as their fingers brush together.

Yeah, maybe camping was just alright. If it'd been with anyone else, he'd be pretty indifferent and distant throughout the whole affair.

But.

With David?

Like when they were waiting for the ice cream truck together, the sun beaming down above them, feet kicking playfully at asphalt as they listened to the sounds of the birds chirping in the distance.

Sitting here, by an open fire, underneath the stars and listening to the songs of the crickets and the hoots of the owls.

Just like then.

Just. Existing next to each other.

It just.

Feels.

Right.

19 notes · View notes

ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 4 years

Text

Roguish Women Part 4

Summary: Kate Rosseau is an American who fled to Paris to escape her past life. Now she's dancing and playing the part of a courtesan at the Moulin Rouge. There she meets Tommy Shelby who thinks she can be useful in expanding his empire. But has he been blinded?

Part 4: Kate steps in when Tommy tries to make a sacrifice.

“So, what’s Boston like, then?” John slipped into a seat near Kate. A toothpick hanging from his teeth, a coy smile on his face. He liked the aura of the new girl. Fiery with a bit of mystique to her. It lit up the dull British morning.

Kate was reading the newspaper in the betting shop, told by Tommy to wait for his meeting to be finished. “Not too different from here. Lot more Irish. Have to be careful where you drink, it’s never fun to have the police raid when the night’s still young. A shame, really. But if you know who pays the police off, then you’re safe.” Her eyes flicked up to the Shelby boy. “We prefer our tea in the harbor.” She winked.

He chuckled. “Can see why Tom took a liking to you.” He tipped back in his chair, precariously rocking back and forth on two legs.

“I actually don’t think he likes me all that much.” She replied, her eyes going back to the headlines. "His behavior towards me would point to someone who dislikes me very much."

“Nah, he’s just a little wary of new people s’all.” He explained. "He always likes an intelligent bird, keeps 'im on his toes."

“I'm flattered, but I genuinely think he's not very fond of me. But it must mean he really wants a slice of the American market.” Kate twisted around to look at the blackboard with all the odds written in chalk. “When’s the next derby? I’d like to go.”

“Sunday,” John answered and plucked the newspaper from her hands. “Want to place a bet?”

“I don’t bet on races I know will be fixed.” Kate smiled and patted her purse. “Unless I know which way they’ll be fixed.”

Tommy always entered a room with a good deal of force. Not physical force, he didn’t go around pushing people to make his presence known. No, it was more of an energy about him, the way he moved attracted attention. At first, Kate thought he walked like a soldier. But the more she saw him, the less she believed that. Instead, it was predatory. He walked with such a manner of authority and power that people instinctually moved out of his path.

“What’ve you got?” He arrived at the desk John and Kate were lounging around.

“And a beautifully good morning to you too, Mr. Shelby,” Kate replied sarcastically.

Tommy tugged off his gloves and held out an expectant hand. “Did you write anything down?”

She smiled, appreciating that he didn't bend over backward and held his ground. She liked a strong leader. To appease him, she opened her purse. “I’ve detailed out important family members in each city. Names of speakeasies. Alliances. Rivalries.” She listed off with each sealed envelope she handed to him. "I've even added where they like to go out to lunch. That's where they make business deals. Should one of them go up in flames." She shrugged and clicked the tongue. "C'est la vie."

John watched with a hint of apprehension. “Is this something you really want to be getting into?” He asked his brother. They had enough enemies on the home front to even think about going on the offense in America.

Kate closed the latch on her purse. “These are experienced men.” She agreed with the younger Shelby. “They don’t run betting shops out of their apartments.”

Tommy let the jab roll off his shoulder as he began to tear open the envelopes of information. “Come into my office.” He ordered firmly.

John and Kate shared a humorous smile before she stood up to follow Tommy. “I’ve upheld my end of the bargain, so do I get protection from the Peaky Blinders?” She asked, sitting down and pulling out a cigarette.

“You do if this information is useful.” He reiterated and shut the door. “But you said you wanted work while you were here.”

“Sure, I’d like to keep busy and get a few extra coins in my purse.” She shrugged. “Have you got something for me?”

“I do actually. The Derby’s coming up and I’d like for you to attend.” Tommy explained. “I’ll give you three quid for your trouble.”

“Not bad for a single event, what’s the catch?”

“Catch?”

Kate frowned. “I’m smart enough to know that you’re not willing to pay me three pound out of pocket just for looking pretty at an event. Maybe two pounds but that's pushing it, I think.”

“Actually, that’s exactly what I’m paying you for.” Tommy cleared his throat and reached for a cigarette. "I can afford to spend three pound on a pretty face."

A familiar feeling of dread washed over her. “Ah.” She forced a knowing smile. “You mean to use my ‘expertise’ then.” The two stared at each other for a moment. Tommy coming to the realization that there was very little he could do to pull the wool over her eyes. She’d been around the block too many times. “I told you, Shelby, I’ve come to England for a different life. I won’t work as a whore for you, or anyone else. I’ll sooner sit out on the street begging before I go back to that life.”

“Apologies.” He said. “I misjudged you.”

“Apparently.” Kate retorted coldly. “You can find someone else for this job. Once you realize that I’ve given you priceless information, I’m sure you’ll reconsider how you treat me.” She stood up and turned to leave.

“Wait.” Tommy stopped her before she could get out the door. “I apologize. Forget about this job. I’d still like you to attend the derby, not as a job. Just as a welcome to Birmingham. Once I confirm the information you’ve given me, I’ll give you something proper to do.” He promised.

Kate studied his face warily but nodded. “Alright.” She agreed. “I’ll attend the derby. But only for the fun of it.”

“Of course.” He agreed. “Oh, and Kate, wear red.”

She looked confused but nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the first time Kate met Grace. She arrived at the derby before Tommy and the woman he was supposedly using in place of her. The bait, so to speak. She spent some time drinking and mingling with anyone who looked interesting or important to her.

It just so happened she had caught the attention of a man with a red pocket square. He had bought her a few drinks and she’d sent him flashing smiles.

Clearly, he was important. Sitting at a table with well-dressed men around him, some standing in a protective way behind him. No one ventured too close unless they were invited.

Before Kate had the chance to make her move, Tommy arrived with a pretty blonde on his arm. He caught sight of her and ushered Grace over. “Kate, enjoying yourself?” Tommy asked.

She glanced at the woman beside him. “This must be your barmaid.” She surmised by their body language. Close but cautious.

“I’m Grace.” She nodded and went to shake the woman’s hand.

Kate obliged. “Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a bit about you.”

Tommy cleared his throat, not really wanting to get into the discussion they’d had in France. His relationship with Grace was very new and fresh. In fact, it hadn’t made that leap yet into what Tommy desired. Of course, he was risking it by using her in place of Kate.

“Made any new friends?” Tommy wondered, steering the conversation.

“Yes, a gentleman over there.” She pointed out her admirer.

Tommy suddenly got a spark of victory and hesitation when she pointed out Billy Kimber. “Keen eye.” He said. “Grace, would you excuse us for a moment, maybe grab a table?”

The blonde looked unsure but nodded. “Okay.” She agreed and made her way through the crowd.

“Have you spoken to him?” Tommy asked in a low voice, standing close so she could hear him over the boisterous crowd and loud music. "Tell me you haven't approached him yet." He hadn't banked on Kate picking out the exact man he was targeting.

“Not yet. I’m assuming he’s why you’re here.” Kate could already tell she had some leverage over him.

“I’m returning some of Mr. Kimber’s money that was stolen from him.” Tommy nodded, relieved that his plan could still run smoothly. “Should be here any moment.”

“And your barmaid?” She glanced over his shoulder to see Grace lingering innocently.

He averted his eyes and cleared his throat.

Kate just scoffed and rolled her eyes. “So, I was right before. You were just looking for a whore.”

“She’s not a whore,” Tommy replied with a hint of defensiveness in his voice.

“You’re certainly treating her like one.” She retorted and stood her ground, keeping her chin lifted. “You beat up my manager at the Moulin Rouge, why'd you think?”

“Because he hit you.”

“Because you thought what he was doing was wrong. Most men look at the men in charge and think nothing of it. ‘Whores will do as whores do. What’s the problem that some are tryna make a buck off them?’ Now you’re acting just like them.” Kate’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you had feelings for her. Now you’re gonna throw her to the wolves?”

“This is business, she agreed to it.”

“I’m sure you know that it’s not what she agreed to.”

The two stood off for a few more moments before Tommy realized he was losing precious time. Arthur would be there any moment with the money.

“Your invitation came without an agreement.” He replied. “Enjoy yourself and don’t worry yourself with what I’m doing.” He passed by her to retrieve Grace.

~~~~~~~~~~`

Kate was smoking from the balcony, keeping her eyes sharp instead of enjoying herself as Tommy requested. Even though she couldn’t hear their conversation, she knew exactly what Tommy was playing as he closed in on the mustached man. Once he sat down at the table with money, the deal had begun. Then Billy Kimber stood up and approached Grace for a dance. It made Kate sick to her stomach. It was like when she was back in Paris. Watching young girls initiated into becoming a dancer. Their eyes were full of light caught up in the whirlwind excitement of the cabaret’s energy. Then a man took her behind closed doors. When she returned, the light in her eyes was snuffed out as if it had never been there in the first place. Kate wasn’t fortunate to see any of the girls gain that light back. She knew she wouldn’t ever find her light again.

She’d be damned if she let Tommy Shelby wreak havoc on the barmaid. Mindset, she descending the stairs back to the dancefloor and pushed her way through the crowd. That’s when she noticed Grace and Billy Kimber making their exit.

“Fuck,” Kate swore and found Tommy still at the table with a man in glasses. She grabbed him by the collar and forced him out of his chair. “You’ve got to be mad.” She hissed.

Tommy was a bit caught off guard but shook her off. “I told you…”

“Fuck off, you have no idea what you’re doing.” Kate snapped and went to chase after Grace. “Sar-Sarah!” She called.

Grace, fortunately, turned around as did Mr. Kimber.

“Oh, dearest me…” Kate feigned her best British accent and pressed a hand to her chest. “I thought you’d given me the slip, shame on you. You gave me such a fright.”

The blonde woman looked extremely confused but Billy Kimber was the first to speak. “Who are you?”

“I’m Lady Sarah’s sister, Lady Anna. I’m afraid I must accompany my sister, she’s younger, you see and I’m awfully protective over her.” Kate jutted out her lower lip as to not appear threatening but instead enticing.

Billy took the bait and smiled. “The more the merrier, my dear.” He touched her shoulder and guided her and Grace toward the exit.

Grace was looking to Kate for answers but the other woman simply forced a smile, trying to ignore the churning in her stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’ve a lovely place, Mr. Kimber.” Kate batted her eyelashes as the man held a hand out for her, helping her step out of the car. It had been her plan ever since she haphazardly decided Grace would be spared. Instead of allowing the pretty blonde to meet with an unwelcomed situation, Kate would throw herself to the wolves. Or wolf.

“Ever seen a place this big?” He leered at her, looking for praise and affirmation.

It was all Kate could do not to roll her eyes. Men and their cocks. “Not in my life.” She put on a dainty smile and held out an arm to allow him to lead her inside.

Grace lagged behind, still unsure what the woman she barely knew was doing. Kate glanced over her shoulder and met her eyes. She simply gave a silent nod of reassurance.

Kimber led them upstairs to a billiards room where the gramophone was kept. Kate noticed that Grace was subtly glancing at something in her purse. It hinted at something protective.

A gun.

Maybe Tommy had armed the barmaid beforehand? It didn’t seem likely seeing as he was aloof with her well being.

“I’m afraid we didn’t get to dance, Lady Anna.” Billy turned to her once the music began to play.

A chill went down Kate’s spine and she tried to keep her breathing even-tempered. On the ship’s journey from Paris to England, she’d resolved herself that she would never allow another man to touch her without her consent. Moreover, she would never accept money in exchange for sex.

Perhaps she was going against her resolution. But to protect a fellow woman? So be it.

“Oh, I’m so awfully shy.” Kate bit her lip. “Maybe it could just be the two of us for a while? My sister can join us later.”

Billy looked a little disappointed. The dominant man was looking forward to having two seemingly fragile women under his thumb for two hours. “Well, I suppose that’ll be alright.” He jerked his head toward the door, wordlessly ordering Grace out.

She looked to Kate; a bit worried about her well-being.

The other woman nodded again, noticing that Grace left her purse on the billiards table. Not by accident.

Once the door closed, Kimber closed in on Kate. It was a hauntingly familiar feeling. Her personal space being invaded, the smell of a foreign man’s cologne permeating her senses and leaving her nauseous. He was not unlike other men. He was rough, not playing coy and easing into the affair.

Kate reluctantly took his hand and stiffly moved to the music with him. His grip was far too tight around her waist and she wanted so desperately to let her defensive mechanisms kick in. She cleared her throat. “Was there any word on when Mr. Shelby would be joining us?” She asked as casually as she could.

“Two hours, love, it can be just us for two hours,” Kimber growled into her ear. “Or if you’d like, call your sister up as well. Two pretty blondes would be such a treat. You want her to watch me fuck you, or-”

Kate couldn’t help the knee jerk reaction. Tommy wouldn’t be there for another two hours. Sick to her stomach, she tried to pull away from Billy. Feigning innocence when she realized what she’d done, she tucked a curl behind her ear. “Maybe a drink?” She requested.

Again, Kimber looked put off. It was clear the man liked being in control of everything. But he begrudgingly let go of her and retreated to the liquor cart by the gramophone.

While his back was turned, Kate reached for Grace’s purse. As she suspected, inside was a small handgun. It wasn’t too different from the one strapped to her leg.

“Now where did you say you and your sister were from?”

Kate froze. She hadn’t been privy to all of Grace’s fictional backstory. “Does that matter?” She tilted her head to the side.

Kimber turned around with a glass of whiskey. “It’s a simple question, dear.” He moved towards her like a dangerous predator. “Something I think you would know.”

It was difficult to maintain a ruse when you weren’t in on said ruse. “I-I’d like to get to know more about you, Mr. Kimber.” Deflection was the only weapon she had, that and a bit of touch. She toyed with the lapel of his jacket as he got close enough. “Tell me everything.”

He chuckled darkly and shook his head. “You are a clever one, aren’t you?” Without warning, he threw the crystal glass over her shoulder, making her flinch and yelp. The glass shattered on the opposite wall, shards clattering to the wood floor. Kimber grabbed Kate by the throat, backing her up against the billiards table. “Don’t you think I know who you are?” He hissed.

Shaken, Kate grabbed at his wrist in an attempt to get him off. His fingers weren’t tight around her neck so she could speak. “I’ve no idea what you mean.” Her voice quivered. Maybe there was still one more sliver of hope left for the act to be maintained.

Unfortunately, powerful men were always paranoid at those who would dethrone them. “You work for Shelby, yeah? Or are you just a whore he picked up off the street to try and distract me?” He shouted inches from her face. “What is he up to?!”

At that moment, the door burst open and Tommy stumbled in past a hand.

Kimber looked enraged. “What are you doing here, I still have another hour!” He snapped, his face nearly turning red.

“Wait, just wait.” Tommy cleared his throat and looked to Kate almost searching for the words. “Listen to me, I-I was going to let you go through with it, but my conscience got the better of me. She looks good on the outside.” He swallowed and pointed at her. “But sh-but she has the clap.”

Kate’s mouth popped open but she didn’t say anything else. Fine, if that’s how she was going to get out of the situation, she could let Tommy have it later.

“Yeah, syphilis.” He continued as Billy looked disgusted and took a few steps away from Kate. “When you took a shine to her I thought I’d use her. She’s a whore.”

The word stung more than Tommy probably realized. For a while, Kate had become so numb to it. But when she received what she felt was a new lease on life, she learned to abhor the term.

“Go wait in the car,” Tommy ordered.

Nauseated and irritated, Kate grabbed Grace’s purse and stormed out of the estate as fast as she could.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Grace was already in the car in the front seat. She looked relieved when Kate came out. She opened the door for her, allowing her in the backseat. “Did he hurt you?” She asked.

“No,” Kate replied in a huff and returned the purse to her. “Thank you for leaving that for me, but I carry my own.”

Grace took the purse and peeked inside to see the gun was still there, untouched. She wasn’t sure what to say in response.

A couple of minutes later, Tommy came out of the manor and got into the car. Neither one of them spoke until they were past the gates of Kimber’s property.

“You carry a gun, why did you let him do that?” Tommy asked.

“Because he’s no use to you dead. At least not right now.” Kate replied.

She didn’t get a reply.

~~~~~~~~~~

With her bruised ego, it took Kate a few days to tolerate Tommy’s presence for more than a few minutes. Besides, the ball was in his court. He had the leads for America, so it was his turn to act on the information. But from what Kate could gather, the war with the Lees was heating up. There was very little the Brummies would disclose to her. They were a suspicious bunch who were apparently all waiting for Tommy’s all clear. Either she could be trusted or she would become an enemy.

Still, Kate surmised that there was enough on Tommy’s plate. Too much to delve into more trouble. So perhaps the American leads were set aside for a rainy day. He was the type of man who could hardly go a day without getting into some sort of trouble, after all.

In the end, Tommy was the one to end the stalemate between them. He arrived at her flat early one morning.

“Yes?” Kate folded her arms across her chest.

“Would you come take a drive with me?” He requested with a half-smoked cigarette in hand.

“Where? Someone else wants to spend an evening with Lady Anna with the clap?” She accused sarcastically.

Tommy had to have been expecting backlash. He sighed and tilted his head to the gray, dreary sky for a moment. “In fact, we’re going to negotiate with the Lees.” He waved an arm toward the car, urging her along.

“Why would you want to bring me?” She narrowed her eyes with suspicion. After the stunt he pulled at the derby, she wasn’t keen on taking any open-ended offers from him. She wasn’t sure if he’d learned his lesson yet.

“It’s nice to have a woman’s touch along. Evens things out.” Tommy replied. “They know I wouldn’t start a brawl with a woman in my company.”

“You wouldn’t?” Kate raised an eyebrow with a simpering look. “Shocker.”

“Will you come along?” He requested again, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Go ask your barmaid.”

“She isn’t exactly happy with me right now either.” He admitted with a grimace. “So if you would-” He gestured to the car again.

“Four pounds.”

Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose. “Three pounds.”

“Three and I get to drive.” Kate grabbed her coat and stepped out of the house before he agreed.

He sighed and followed her to the car, not protesting when she got in the driver’s seat.

Permanent Tag:

Masterlist

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby x oc #tommy shelbyxoc #tommy shelby imagine #peaky blinders #peaky blinder imagine #peaky fookin blinders #peaky blinders fanfiction #fanfiction #series #ofc #oc #grace burgess #john shelby #annabelle wallis #cillian murphy #cillian murphy character #cillian murphy fanfiction #billy kimber

73 notes · View notes

warmau · 5 years

Text

{Reverse!Beauty x the Beast AU} Wonwoo

*this post was commissioned | beast!reader and beauty(?)!wonwoo, with my own twist on the plot!! *tw: mentions of violence, mentions of blood

time ticks by slowly, every second of every day is filled with inexplicable loneliness and pain

how long have i been like this? who was i before i become,,,,,a monster?

the questions circle in your mind - as you circle the cold halls of a castle that once bore the bustling light and love of your family

of your kingdom

till a cursed, jealous women brought wraith upon your family, banished them into nothingness and left you

the you who once had bright eyes, pink lips that read poems to your younger siblings in the garden

left you - mangled and broken

all that has been left of this place - that has been left of your humanity is that garden that has overgrown with weeds since you were destroyed

ugly vines and spreading spores, taken the places of once lush bushes and tall stemmed flowers

the only smudge of a better time remaining are the roses

the red roses

you nurture with the hairy paws that crush everything else

i am doomed to this fate, but i will protect what still holds the memory of my past,,,,,,,,anyone who dare step foot in my garden,,,,,,,i shall rip oyu to shreds!

on the other side of the woods, lives jeon wonwoo

oblivious to your horrors - a quiet, bookish boy who works hard delivering newspapers to help support his traveling merchant father

and otherwise greedy older sisters

he’s clean cut, with curly dark hair and eye of an earthy, but sparkling brown

humble, wearing the same cap his father brought back from the main village for three years now

and never one to ask for a second meal at dinner time

he rides his bike, long legs peddling him fast among the cobble streets

throwing papers at the doorsteps

ears going red when older maidens open their windows to shout out compliments

respectfully declining offers of free fruit or flowers from love struck younger girls in the town square

he’s never been anything but kind, if not even a bit of a bleeding heart and his father couldn’t have asked for a better son

so when his father announces a trip to the main village again - wonwoo’s sisters squabble over who gets to give papa a long list of expensive gifts to bring back first

while wonwoo simply shrugs

“a red rose would be nice, to put something colorful on my window.”

his father smiles, hand on wonwoo’s shoulder

“i’ll be back in a weeks time - make sure your sisters don’t make,,,,,mistakes while im gone.”

wonwoo waves goodbye as his father pulls off in the familiar carriage

the sisters are already talking about how they’ll spend this allowance he’s left, but all that is on wonwoo’s mind is his paper route in the morning

he gets up, bright and early, sleepiness following him to the table where he yawns and watches out of the window as the sleepy little forest-edge town he lives in wakes with him

he buttons up his vest, puts on the matching cap and hops on his bike for the usual route

the summer breeze is pleasant against his skin and he hopes that the dark circles that always have a habit of forming under his eyes after sleeping go away quickly

the towns children always tease him for looking like a crow with them

“why why,,,,,now is that who i think it is!”

wonwoo hates to admit it, but the voice sparks a slight bit of panic whenever he hears it

it belongs to an old friend he’s known since they were both children, and while wonwoo had chosen to stay at home and help out his family

mingyu had chosen to join the local army

and had not only been made a hero - but had come back with the idea that he just had to recruit wonwoo

“good morning mingyu-”

the boy hops down from the windowsill he’d been lounging against

he’s still wearing the issued uniform, crisp white britches and a stiff looking royal blue coat

his hair is done up and out of his face and wonwoo can’t believe this clean cut guy

is the same person he used to run around in farm mud with when they were just young teenagers

“i see you’re still doing the paper route?”

mingyu flashes a bright white smile and plucks a rolled up newspaper from wonwoo’s basket

he unrolls it, reading a headline as wonwoo attempts to snatch it back

“wonwoo, ive told you this a million and one times - you can make much better money in the reserve!”

“i can’t leave my sisters and fathers behind to fight foolish battles on behalf of some king in some castle.”

mingyu chuckles

“always being political and smart wonwoo, but we both know what matters and that’s money - and money -”

mingyu drops the newspaper to the floor and fixes the pristine buttons on his cuffs

“money can buy even happiness!”

wonwoo resists the urge to roll his eyes, he’s told mingyu a million times that he’s not joining any army - especially when it’s much more about showing off than anything else

he picks up the newspaper and kicks back up his bike

“ill be late with my delivery’s, see you around mingyu”

mingyu huffs but before he can complain once more, wonwoo is off - throwing papers left and right until he can return back home

back in your castle, you watch the summer sun rise and fall

like a slow exhale, the light sinks into a backdrop of darkness and you walk through the halls

all the mirrors that once lined various rooms have been long since smashed

glass still on the tiles, a low groaning sound coming from the back of your throat when you think of the times you’ve been forced to come face to face with your own reflection

ugly, overgrown teeth - sharp and always stained. hair that tangles and is too thick to handle - hair all over my body. and these claws,,,,these hands once nimble and playing the piano for ballrooms full of dancing guests,,,,are now nothing but killing machines

you hate summer the most - the season when you should be able to spend the most time outside

tending to your garden, humming to the sweet tune of a favorite song

yet it has been so long since you’ve let anyone else gaze upon you

the risk running high every time you step out, the whispering woods could reveal a stranger

and they could see you - call you names - have you killed

that’s why you’ve learned to keep to yourself, inside your cold halls, the old furniture is what is left to keep you company

but this evening feels different, you’ve paced the window - glances thrown out into the garden

no one is going to touch my rose bush, but why do i feel as if -

and then you see him

a human

an older human, whose parked a peasant looking carriage outside the gates

he seems to be unaware of you, up at the window, watching

as he makes his way around the maze of plants

before stopping at the rose bush

at first - you stand still and hope that he won’t be so foolish as to try and pluck one off its leaves

but he does

and a fire inside you snaps

no one touches them!

you roar, jumping from the window and pouncing right onto the man

he’s shaking with terror as you lean your entire body weight forward

snarling

“what do you want”

you ask, your voice gruff and sharp

“i just - i was just admiring the roses -”

“LIAR!”

you raise your hand, extending one of your claws

but the human covers his face in fear

“no please, im sorry my son asked for me to bring back a rose and you’re the only one whose garden has any -”

you hesitate, because you can smell how scared he is

and you are a monster - but you’ve never wanted others to see you that way

then again,,,,,,you spot the petals of the flower he tore fall against the soil

you jump back, but wring your hand around his neck

if you let him off, he’ll tell others about you! he’ll make sure everyone comes in droves - he’ll tell them how you look! how disgusting you are! how weak you are!

the fire burns and spreads through your body, your hold tightens and the man begins to beg

“bring me your son, he will pay for your crime.”

you hiss the ultimatum, throwing the man to the ground with a hard thud

“if he does not come within three days - i will find you and him and the rest of your family myself.”

the threat in your voice is so venomous and cruel, you hardly recognize that it’s you

the man skids backwards, before turning and pulling himself up to run back to his carriage

you stand there, breathing heavy before dropping to the dirt beside the torn flower

you cradle it, but your claws cut through the fragile red petals

when wonwoo’s father returns - wonwoo can see the mark on his neck

it looks like something from a bear

but his sisters just push past each other to ogle the gods the father has returned with

wonwoo takes his papa to the side and asks quietly

“and my rose?”

“unfortunately,,,,,i could not retrieve it and even worse,,,,”

wonwoo’s father tells him, in a hushed voice, about his encounter with a beast in the forest

at first wonwoo doesn’t believe it - it must be a story of fairy tail

but the mark on his fathers neck and the trembling in his voice convinces him otherwise

“of course, im not going to send you into those woods. im going to tell the local soldiers and see if the army can hand-”

“i can take care of this myself.”

wonwoo takes off his cap and drops it into his fathers hands

“i will go and speak with this beast myself.”

wonwoo’s father pleas for him to reconsider, to sleep on it, to just think hard about such a dangerous decision

“you don’t know what i saw out there,,,,that thing is evil!”

“it said it would come for our family, papa - i will go and make sure that we are safe.”

wonwoo’s father goes to bed telling wonwoo over and over that he should do so as well

but once nightfall cloaks the town, wonwoo prepares a bundle of bread and ventures out into the dark woods

his father had mentioned that the abandoned garden had been somewhere off the carriages path

but after hours of wondering, it’s obvious that he’s lost

and the sound of nearby wolves chills wonwoo to the bone

he’s never been one to be afraid - he’s always been rather brave, if not complaint with any pain or fear that’s come in his life

but this is something new

this is something unknown

wonwoo circles what he thinks is the same camp of trees until finally taking a seat beside some of the giant roots

he opens his bundle, but before he can take a bite of his bread he hears it

a growl

there are only seconds before wonwoo looks up - his brown eyes meeting the flashing yellow irises of a wolf

it’s big, with messy fur and chewed up ears - it bares its teeth as soon as it makes eye contact

and wonwoo’s blood goes cold

if i die here, the beast will still go after my family!

he thinks, quickly trying to piece together a cause of action

he takes the bread he’s holding and tosses it to the side - a momentary distraction, but as soon as wonwoo gets up

he moves to run, but it’s too late the teeth are sharp, lodged into the meat of his leg

wonwoo has felt pain, but not like this

not a pain that leaves him tumbling onto the forest floor, grasping at the dirt for dear life

the image of his father, his sisters, the townspeople flash through his mind and his racing heart

when suddenly

the teeth are gone

the pain is pulsing, but it isn’t digging into him

and he is not being mauled again

instead he’s left laying, coldness creeping up - darkness filling the parts of his vision that obscure the figure that picks him up

you haven’t been this close to a human in what must be years

and this human is handsome, dark long eyelashes and perfect sun kissed skin

his curly hair is slightly matted with dirt, but you pick it out and smoothen it down

eyes lingering on the curve of his lips

he has a likeness that matches that of the old man who you’d caught in your garden

he really sent his only son? he didn’t lie to me? what did he say his name was,,,,wonwoo?

you study the face, and then the long lean body that belongs to it

but when the human begins to twitch, the bandaged leg you’ve treated jerking a slight bit

you rush out of the room at once

we must not let him see me! if he does, he will think i attacked him!

the heavy wooden door shuts behind you as you hurry back to the confines of the master bedroom

the sound is what startles wonwoo awake

when he sits up, he can feel the dull ache of his leg wound - but is surprised to see that it’s been cleaned and taken care of

the room he’s in is large - even in the dim light of a nearby candle he can tell that it’s grandiose

probably once gorgeous in its prime, the wallpaper now fades and the bed he’s laying on seems to have made friends with its layer of dust

for a moment he tries to assess where he might be

“could i be ,,,”

he begins, but the words die on his lips

there is no way that he is in the beasts castle,,,,that would have meant that the beast has rescued him from the wolves attack

and a beast that had hurt his father - could not be such a kind animal

but then, wonwoo thinks, where could he be?

the walls don’t answer any of his question, not when he calls out and his voice echoes through the lonely castle

only when glancing over the foyer does he notice another small candlight from below

wonwoo adjusts his shirt, noticing that he’s left the vest he usually wears back in the room - the person who had carried him back must have taken it off when they’d fixed up his leg

he tries to press his hair a bit, and clear his throat

“im awfully sorry to intrude - are you the owner of this -”

he says as he descends the stairs toward the light

but,,,,,,,,there is no one in the room

only a long table - one cloth mat set up right at the end with a warm helping of soup

and various smaller side dishes with a paired old wine

wonwoo stares, the surprise doesn’t beat out his hunger nor his caution

and he takes a seat

he picks up one of the knives, but places it down

even though this space is also empty, and no one has come out to greet him - he think it’d be rude to not say a thank you

so he calls one out before he starts his meal, and you - floors above him in the isolation of your room

can hear the warmth of his voice

this human,,,,,wonwoo seems to be less vicious than the ones who’ve crossed this path before. perhaps i will let him spend the night and just allow him to go.

wonwoo does just that, he wanders a bit and you listen as he touches paintings and peeks into other closed doors

he doesn’t come close to your room though, even if he did he wouldn’t be able to budge it open

but before he returns to the room you’d set up for him

he exits out into the garden

he’s limping a bit from the injury - and you watch intently as he winds through the same maze his father did

before coming to a stop before your prized roses

he touches them, but doesn’t dare take one from the bush

instead he seems to just admire them

“beautiful,,,,”

he breathes, and then turns his head up to window of the castle

you dodge backwards, frightened that he’s seen you

but there is no scream of terror or no acclimation of horror

so you assume you’re safe

and when wonwoo returns to go to bed again, you leave your chambers

down the hall and out into the garden - you touch the rose he touched and his warmth still lingers

how it would feel to be called beautiful again,,,,,how it would feel to be loved by a human again,,,,

wonwoo decides in the morning that he should go back to trying to find the beasts home

whoever the kind stranger was that fixed him up and helped me have a bed for the night has still not shown themselves

and wonwoo is surprised that in the morning there are fresh berries in bowls laid out at the table

he calls out another thank you, but this time

there is a reply

“you’re very welcome”

the voice is rugged, pained, and sounds like a mixture of words and groaned noises

it makes wonwoo pause

no human has a voice like that, this house does belong to the beast!

the realization causes him to freeze

but this beast - took care of me. feed me and cleaned my wounds,,,,,

wonwoo hesitates but calls out into the emptiness one more time

“can you come out so i can thank you properly?”

there is a spark of panic, and you roar back a defiant “NO”

you think it’ll scare this person away, but he doesn’t seem to faint of heart

“please, i would think it very rude if i did not see a host that treated me so well.”

you twitch, looking down into the palms of your hand - the claws that had wringed this own boys father’s neck

the horrid mess of hair and teeth and just anger which has settled within you

how could you show yourself like this?

but the voice was pure, deep and ringing with truth

somehow it pulled you out of the shadows of your castle and into the open light of the dining room

at first, wonwoo doesn’t move his eyes from yours

which have become unnaturally lined with red, pupils slitted like that of a cats

he then lets his gaze travel over all of you

take in the rags you’re wearing - once a beautiful outfit you’d been gifted by your mother

the necklace you wear almost blackened by the same cursed magic that made you like this

wonwoo does not speak for a moment and you are ready to retreat back - not put him through anymore

when suddenly he walks forward

the closer and closer he gets the more anxious you are

your animalistic instinct tells you to get ready to attack, but wonwoo’s hand on yours is gentle

“thank you for saving me from that wolf.”

he smiles and a feeling of warmth spreads up through you which has been a stranger to you for years

“and im here to take the punishment on behalf of my father who stole from you.”

you pull back your arm, touching the spot where he’d brushed your skin as if it had just been burned

“no, ,,,, just go”

you groan out, but wonwoo doesn’t budge

“im sorry that my father tried to take one of your beautiful roses, and if you’d like i can stay here and tend to the garden as punishment. would that suffice?”

the words confuse you, his calmness and lack of disgust make the room spin

and this is the first time you’ve let daylight cast down on you for so long

so you put up a hand

“if you wish to do so,,,,,,you are free to stay and repay the debt,,,once a new rose blossoms - you may go!”

wonwoo’s smile returns and something inside you that’s still human stirs

“thank you, it seems we have a deal then.”

wonwoo commits one hundred percent to the agreement of tending to the garden

for the first few days you are sure he’s going to run away, afterall the gates are open

nothing is binding him to stay

but he keeps his word, watering and digging and doing all of the work that you usually do in the dead of night

under the bright sunlight, small streaks of dirt on his cheek

as you watch from the window of your room

he catches you one afternoon, and instead of retreating into the shadows - you watch him wave

and call up

“please have dinner with me tonight?”

and you just can’t understand - why is he so kind to me? does he not see me as the vile thing i am?

dinner is awkward, at least for you - whose used to tearing into meats like a rabid dog, no use for utensils when your fangs could rip off flesh

and instead of being disgusted

wonwoo tries to copy you, but ends up with sauce over his button up instead

you laugh

or let out some sort of jolly sound, which is so loud is sends the old chandelier above you two swinging

but wonwoo only stares up in wonder before grinning too

“how impressive!”

you look down, shy of your display but wonwoo really means it

soon enough, you’re not shy of it anymore

you are open enough to allow wonwoo to see you in the daylight - you even join him for gardening

and before you know it,,,time has passed,,,,,autumn creeps up

and a bud of a rose appears on the bush

you two admire it

and wonwoo suddenly says, “how is it that these roses are so much bigger than any others ive seen before?”

you cast your eyes down, and feel the pain of old memories rush in

wonwoo seems to catch onto the tension and gives a small apology

but you reach out - stopping yourself before one of your claws can tear through the delicate little leaves

“my mother planted them,,,,,she said the magic of her love for me and my father would make them the most beautiful in the land ,,,,”

your voice drops

“but not even her own magic could save her from her downfall,,,,,or save me from this curse”

wonwoo touches your wrist again, this time you don’t jerk from his hand

but let the comfort of another person’s sympathy wash over you like a gentle wave

“is there anyway to break this curse?”

you sadly shake your head

“i would need the tears of someone who loves me to break it. but everyone that loves me,,,,,,is dead.”

there isn’t much one can say to that, so you do not feel hurt by the silence that follows - instead you focus on the bud that is growing

“soon it will bloom - and you can see your loved ones again.”

wonwoo gives a small nod

“i miss them, but i will miss you too beast”

the sentiment pings through your hearts cold walls, melting them down and causing the human parts of you to buzz

you don’t want to take this all so seriously, but that means more than you could ever imagine

and when the day comes, that you awaken and peer out of your window to see the rose has blossomed

it hurts more than it should

it’s when you hear a banging on the gate that you realize,,,,,,,something is wrong

you rush down, wonwoo following in step behind you

when suddenly you see a group of people and they’re holding - torches

“LET US IN YOU UGLY BEAST!”

“GIVE ME BACK MY SON YOU MONSTER!”

“WONWOO! ARE YOU ALIVE?”

your eyes widden, the colors turning a dark and malicious red

you look to wonwoo, your back hunching in pain

“you - you called a mob on me!?!?”

he looks back at you, just as terrified

“no, no i would never - i think my father told some of the townspeople i hadn’t come back -”

the sound of the gate breaking stops you both

charging toward you, like a thunderous stamped of bulls are angry looking humans of all shapes and sizes

you can see the father of wonwoo at the helm with another tall person, he looks like a soldier that you’d remembered seeing back when you were young

the group runs past you - you hear the only home you’ve ever known being destroyed and pulled apart

and the soldier looking one takes out a long, clean silver sword and holds it out to you

“mingyu don’t-”

wonwoo’s voice fades in

but you ignore it, dropping down low on all fours and letting your fangs jut out

the soldier, mingyu, watches you with horror

“how disgusting!”

he yells and you two charge at one and other

you doge a sword slash and let one large claw slash at the front of his uniform - digging in deep to draw blood

you pull back, running a hand across your mouth - looking at the blood on your claws

“no mingyu leave them alone -”

wonwoo pleads, but when he tries to bolt after you - his father holds him back

“wonwoo, we must kill this beast or it will continue to terrorize us!”

“they are not just a beast! they are a kind person who saved me -”

mingyu groans, but gets up, landing another sword slash that catches you on the shoulder

you tetter backwards, gripping your wound

“wonwoo! have you absolutely lost it! this thing tried to kill your father - and you’re defending it?!”

you can hear the destruction going on in your home, heirlooms being broken - paintings being torn

but you see red - you see this soldier, with his bloody uniform and his big sword

and you see wonwoo - who had been so kind,,,,,so sweet,,,,,,,,,,betraying you to these people

you lunge again and wonwoo screams

his voice louder than you’ve ever heard - but the sword pierces through you

and you find yourself pinned down in a matter of moments, a metallic iron taste in your mouth

a darkness gnawing at the sides of your vision

“get off of them!”

you hear and suddenly the weight of mingyu’s knee is not in your chest anymore

instead you see a blurry image

wonwoo, his handsome face twisted into fear

are you scared of me? or are you scared of me?

you think, blinking between light and dark

do you see me as just a monstrous beast? or do you see me as the person i am inside?

wonwoo’s touch on your face doesn’t feel warm enough to stop the impending coldness of depth

do you know that beasts like me can fall in love too?

suddenly the world is still and wonwoo is gone

there is just pain and black

and then

wetness

wetness on your face, salty and small

tears - who is crying,,,,are the angels crying to have seen such an ugly thing?

fluttering, it’s a fulttering feeling

but then it almost stings - like a wound being sown up

you try to pick up your hand, but it isn’t your hand - it’s a human hand

no claws

no blood

you look at it and then back at the person whose crying over you

it is an angel - an angel that looks like

“w-wonwoo?”

he pushes back another sob, before whispering “b-beast?”

“no, im -”

you say your name, out loud for the first time in years

the hair that falls over your shoulders is not the same mangy mess

your clothing isn’t tattered

there isn’t a sword sticking out of your gut

you’ve been transformed

wonwoo pulls you up, into the embrace of his arms

the crowd around you shares a collective gasp

and you hear mingyu’s sword clatter to the floor

“the beast - the beast was a human!?”

“we just ruined this poor persons home for nothing?!”

the sounds, the people, the smell of a fire all hit you at a million miles

but nothing hits you more than the scent of wonwoo, the feeling of his cheek on your cheek

and when you pull back you lean in to kiss the remaining tears on his face

there are apologizes, questions, and much more being thrown around

wonwoo’s own father falls down on his knees beside you and asks if you’re hurt - that he didn’t know who you really were

mingyu quickly shrugs off his uniform coat and offers it to you

but none of that matters

as wonwoo looks at you - the redness around your eyes disappearing slowly

the golden shimmer returning to your necklace, the human glow on your skin

and through the strands of hair - suddenly, blooms a vivid red rose

“your curse,,,it’s broken”

he whispers

“because of your tears - because of the tears of someone who loves me”

wonwoo leans in, lips against yours - and the mob that had yelled angrily at you breaks out into applause

the life and beauty returning to the ruined castle, the unkempt gardens, and everywhere

on every bush

bloom those red roses

#seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen au #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo imagines #wonwoo au #17 scenarios #17 imagines #17 au #sfw #member: wonwoo #writing commissions #pledis seventeen #Seventeen #seventeen wonwoo #jeon wonwoo

1K notes · View notes

elementalwriter67 · 5 years

Text

The Void Chapter Ten

Pairings: (Eventual) Jason Todd x Reader

Word Count: 5072

Chapter One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine

A/N: (Y/F/I)= your first initial (Y/S/I)= your second initial

Summary: The Void is a hellish place filled with screams that echoed throughout the place at all the hours of the night, and where pain is a very close friend. You’ve spent your entire life in the Void, having been there since you were ten and you’ve just recently gotten a new cellmate… Who’s a little more hopeful than you are that either of you are going to make it out of this place alive. Though you have to admit that maybe his hope is rubbing off on you because you slowly find yourself hoping that the two of you do get out of here.

~Downtown Gotham City~

~Early morning hours of the next day~

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Stephanie muttered as she stared across the street at one of Gotham’s many hospitals. The others were standing beside her with equal looks of disbelief on their faces as they watched people come and go.

“Nope, this is the address that Barbara sent us,” Tim told her as he looked up from his phone at the hospital. A moment of silence followed his statement as the others all pulled out their phones and triple checked that they had gotten the right location.

“Well, maybe she found the wrong address.” Stephanie offered utterly confused as to why they were looking at a working hospital rather than at an abandoned building like they had expected.

“Ha, yeah you go ahead and tell her that I’ll have Alfred ready on standby for when she’s done with you,” Dick commented as he walked up to the edge of the roof pulling out a pair of binoculars. Behind him, Damian tsked moving to stand beside him.

“Perhaps Brown is right, maybe Gordon found the wrong address I highly doubt a hospital would secretly be torturing people,” Damian stated with an annoying amount of confidence.

“No she found the right address, it’s the same one that I found. What probably happened is the old facility was torn down and this hospital was put in its place.” Tim said as he looked up from his phone and squinted at the hospital before looking back down at his phone. “My guess is that after they lost funding they moved locations and set up shop somewhere else.” He continued as his thumbs flew across his phone causing the others to sigh.

“So that means we’re back at step one again.” Stephanie’s voice was full of annoyance as she glared at the hospital. She had really been hoping that this was it, that this was the big breakthrough that they had all been looking for. They had already found more information here than they had in any of their other searches, that in any of their other leads so to have this one slam against the same wall as before was more than a little annoying.

“Not necessarily. I still want to investigate the hospital, see if anyone here knows about what was there before the hospital and if anyone knows anything about the Void.” Dick said as he turned and walked back to them.

“Right now?” Stephanie asked and he shook his head.

“No, but later today either I’ll come back later in civilian clothes and see what I can find. As for right now, right now we’re all going to go back to the Manor and get some sleep.” Dick stated and he was met with almost immediate protest but he ignored it as he heard them all towards the other side of the roof to head back to the manor. They would thank him later when they weren’t dead on their feet from exhaustion like they had been for the past couple of weeks.

~Later that day~

“Sir we have a problem.” A guard stated as they walked through the door of the Doctor’s office. The doctor looked up from his paperwork, the latest test results from subject 312469-(Y/F/I)(Y/S/I)-IM and subject 432675-JT-TBD, with an annoyed glare on his face. He had expressly told them that he was not to be disturbed under any circumstances other than another attempted break out and this hardly looked like an attempted break out.

“What?” The doctor bit out at him and the guard paled slightly as he squared his shoulders and looked the doctor in the eye.

“One of the Wayne kids was spotted entering the hospital sir.” The guard informed him and the glare on the doctor’s face dropped to a deadpanned look as he stared at the guard.

“So? Perhaps they’re just coming in to see where all that money they give us from that Marth foundation of theirs is going, or they’re visiting a family member, either way, this is hardly important now leave.” The doctor ordered returning to his paperwork. When he didn’t immediately hear the door close behind the guard he looked up again the annoyed look back on his face as he glared at the guard.

“I said leave.” The doctor growled and the guard stood up a little straighter, at least the man had the decency to look scared at the moment.

“There’s more sir.” The guard said and the doctor sighed dropping the paperwork on to his desk in favor of reaching up and pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes.

“Are you going to keep me here in anticipation guard or are you actually going to tell me what it is sometime today?” The doctor responded and the guard shifted nervously before clearing his throat and standing completely still.

“The Wayne kid is asking questions about the building's history sir. They’re also asking if anyone has come in recently fitting the description of the man who just recently tried to escape.” The guard informed him and the doctor immediately froze. For a long tense moment, the doctor was completely still with his eyes closed and fingers still pinching the bridge of his nose before his eyes finally snapped open and locked on to the guard who shifted uncomfortably.

“And you’re sure that this is a Wayne child?” The doctor asked as he dropped his hand to his desk and the guard nodded.

“Stephanie Brown sir.” The guard said and the doctor nodded. His only solace was the fact that it wasn’t one of the older ones. Dick Grayson or Kate Kane or even Bruce Wayne himself would have been tricky to deal with but a little girl who went around trying to play in the big leagues was nothing compared to them and also easily handled.

“Send some men over to Scarecrow I want him taken care of, I don’t care how just get rid of him we can’t have him spilling any more of our secrets to the rest of the heroes. As for the Wayne girl, is she still in the building?” The doctor asked and the guard nodded.

“Yes, sir the nurses are keeping her occupied on the first floor at check in.” The guard answered and the doctor nodded as he stood up from his desk a smile appearing on his face as he walked towards the guard who stepped out of the way.

“Well, then we don’t want to keep the poor girl waiting, do we? Have the nurses page me and tell her that I’ll be down in a moment to answer any questions that she has.” The doctor ordered and the guard nodded pulling out his phone and calling the nurses station as he followed the doctor out of the room and to the elevator bank.

“It’s done.” The guard stated as they arrived at the elevators and the doctor nodded once.

“Excellent. Keep an eye on subjects 312469 and 432675, if a Wayne child is here I suspect those two have something to do with it.” The doctor ordered as he stepped onto the elevator and the guard nodded saluting the doctor as the doors slid closed.

~Stephanie’s P.O.V~

“Miss Wayne if you will please just have a seat the doctor will be with you in a moment.” The nurse at the front desk stated her tone exasperated as she urged Stephanie to go sit down for the seventh time already. Stephanie remained standing at the desk with a practiced pleasant smile on her face and her crossed arms resting on top of the notepad she’d brought with her.

“But why can’t you answer my questions? I just want to know a few things.” Stephanie pressed her voice slightly pleading as she bent her knees slightly so that it looked like she was begging the nurse to answer her questions. The other nurse at the desk sighed heavily and fixed an annoyed glare on Stephanie, internally Stephanie smiled slightly.

“Miss we have other people here who actually need our help, so if you would please go sit down and wait for the doctor he will be with you in just a moment.” The other nurse stated her voice firm and full of annoyance. Stephanie opened her mouth to protest but the nurse pointed with her pen towards the chairs pressed against the back wall and Stephanie sighed, taking the hint she sent them a fake smile before going to sit down. The nurses shared a look when her back was turned before getting back to work.

Stephanie dropped down into a chair her eyes scanning the staff and patients as they walked past looking them over to see if any of them were carrying anything not trusting a single person that walked past. Luckily she wasn’t waiting long though because a couple of minutes after she had sat down an elderly looking man wearing a lab coat and glasses walked up to her.

“Miss Wayne, I’m doctor Roberts I was told that you had some questions for me about the hospital.” Dr. Roberts said as he held out his hand for Stephanie to shake which she did as she stood up from her seat offering him a polite smile.

“That would be correct. I’m doing a project for school about the history of this area of Gotham and I was just wondering if this building had any special history.” Stephanie told him as she let go of his hand pulled her pencil out from where she had stashed it in her ear holding up the notebook where she’d scribbled down some of the things that Barbara had told her.

“Ah, may I ask what class this is for?” Dr. Roberts asked and Stephanie kept up her polite smile.

“History of Gotham class, so will you answer my questions? I promise this will be quick.” Stephanie promised him and Dr. Roberts was silent for a moment before nodding and turning around to look at the nurses' station.

“If anyone needs me I will be in my office answering miss Wayne’s questions.” Dr. Roberts told them and the two nurses nodded their eyes landing on Stephanie giving her a dirty look. A look that Stephanie returned full force, neither of them seemed phased by her look which annoyed Stephanie slightly but her polite smile was quick to return when Dr. Robert looked back at her.

“Would you please follow me miss Wayne, it’ll be easier to answer your questions in my office,” Roberts said and Stephanie nodded her grip on her notebook tightening.

“That sounds like an excellent plan Dr. Roberts, thank you so much,” Stephanie said and Dr. Roberts nodded giving her his own polite smile as he turned and motioned for her to follow him.

Stephanie waited until they got past the prying eyes of the check-in desk before clicking the hidden button on her pen turning on the hidden camera in the necklace she was wearing and the mike in the pen itself. As she followed Dr. Roberts she looked around, looking around as closely as possible without slowing down. Everything appeared to look like normal things that you would find in a hospital. Nurses were caring for patients, a few patients were walking through the hall with the aid of their IV drip and a nurse and a few of the patients even smiled at Dr. Roberts as they walked past, other doctors nodded to him as they passed. There wasn’t a single thing that looked like it was out of place and there wasn’t a single person that didn’t look like they belonged here so why was it that Stephanie still found herself being suspicious of the place. There was more than enough evidence to prove that there was nothing out of the ordinary going on here with the patients or with the doctors, and yet she was still unnerved. Unnerved by Dr. Roberts who seemed to put together for a doctor, unnerved by the nurses at the front desk who she was pretty sure wanted nothing else than to call security on her and kick her out of the hospital, unnerved by the split second looks she would get from the doctors and nurses that they passed that she couldn’t fully catch before they were gone. Subtle things that unnerved her but all had a rational reason to be the way that they were. The nurses were probably coming off of a long night shift and were just annoyed with a student coming in to ask unnecessary questions, doctors and nurses wondering why there was a girl with a notebook following after the doctor, and Dr. Roberts was probably just starting a shift. So why was the rationality behind everything not enough to settle the unease worming its way through her stomach.

“Right in here Miss Wayne.” Dr. Roberts said as he pushed open the door to his office and stepped to the side. Stephanie pulled herself from her thoughts as she smiled at the doctor as she walked past him and into the room. Dr. Roberts paused for a moment in the doorway eyes locking on a nurse standing a couple of feet away, the nurse nodded once before pulling out her phone while Dr. Roberts stepped into his office.

“So miss Wayne what questions do you have for me?” Dr. Roberts asked as he stepped into the room closing the door behind him.

~Elsewhere~

“Alright, the doctor has the Wayne girl in his office. I want a full sweep of the waiting room and the path that they took to his office.” The head guard ordered as he shoved his phone back into his pocket looking up at the CCTV feed of Dr. Roberts office watching as the doctor took a seat and as the Wayne child spoke.

“What are we looking for sir?” One of the tech guys asked and the head guard glanced away from the feed to look at him.

“Anything and everything, cameras, microphones, Wayne tech, Bat-tech, all of it. If she left anything in the waiting room I want to know about it and I want it destroyed as soon as possible.” The head guard ordered and the tech guy nodded tapping away on his keyboard. The head guard looked up at the CCTV feed glancing away from the screen that showed Dr. Roberts office and at the CCTV feed of your cell looking at yours and Jason’s forms lying on your bed.

“What about subjects 312469 and 432675 are they still asleep?” The head guard asked as he watched the two of you. Neither of you moved but that didn’t stop him from paying close attention to what the two of you might be doing, you’d attempted to escape two weeks ago and he needed to make sure that neither of you was planning another escape. The last thing they all needed was for you to get the fire back inside you, you’d caused enough trouble way back when they didn’t need a repeat especially not with the Wayne’s poking around or a Wayne in the cell with her.

“Yes sir, would you like us to wake them up?” A guard standing by the door asked and the head guard looked over his shoulder at him a musing look on his face.

“Once the doctor is done with the Wayne girl go and wake them up, I’m sure the doctor will have something planned for them.” Head guard stated and the one by the door nodded before falling silent as the head guard turned his attention to the other feeds.

~Back to Dr. Roberts’ office~

“Do you know when this building was built?” Stephanie asked as she jotted down the answer to the last question while simultaneously making sure that the mike was pointed towards the Doctor at all times.

“I would say sometime after world war two.” Dr. Roberts answered and Stephanie nodded writing that down.

“And do you know what building was here before this one by any chance? Or if there was a building here before the hospital was built?” Stephanie asked and Dr. Roberts gave a tired little sigh as he leaned back in his chair reaching up and rubbing his bearded chin as he looked at her. For a long moment, he was silent and Stephanie almost thought that maybe he hadn’t heard her, from the looks of him she wouldn’t find it that hard to believe that he had some hearing problems.

“No, I can’t say that I know what was built here for the hospital. I’m afraid that I didn’t grow up around here or in this city for that matter I only came here because they were looking for someone to run the hospital and I was the most qualified.” Dr. Roberts told her and Stephanie nodded her mouth pursed as she looked back down at the piece of paper, jotting down his answer and writing the word liar at the end of it.

Like Stephanie had said the questioning hadn’t taken long at all, in fact, they had only been in here for a few minutes and they were already done the doctor having been surprisingly forthcoming with the answers. Something that Stephanie had noticed immediately, she’d also been able to pick up on the fact that ninety percent of the time Dr. Roberts had been lying about his answers. Though to be fair at first she hadn’t been able to pick up on the tells, he was very good at hiding them, but all it took was paying a little more attention and then you would be able to notice the way his eyes darkened when he told a lie. And the way that the corner of his mouth would twitch with a lie or the slight shift of his eyes away from Stephanie as he looked towards the door like he expected someone to walk through the door at any moment. Clicking the pen off she set it down on the notebook, it was still very much recording, and smiled at the doctor.

“Well Doctor Roberts that’s all I have for questions right now, thank you so so much for answering them this will really help with my project,” Stephanie said as she smiled at the doctor who returned her smile standing up. Stephanie stood up with him, the pen sliding off of her notebook and landing on the floor with a soft clatter.

“Dang it, I’m so sorry, I swear usually I’m not this clumsy,” Stephanie said referring to the five other times that she had dropped the pen during their conversation, trying to make it seem like this was something that happened all the time. Crouching down Stephanie picked up the pen with the mike slipping a similar looking pen out of her sleeve at the same time. Quick as she could Stephanie pushed the pen with the mike towards the shadows of the desk hiding it in front of it before she stood up with the non-miked pen and a small smile on her face.

“It’s no problem miss Wayne I’ve been a victim to butterfingers before I quite understand. Would you like me to walk you out?” Dr. Roberts asked as the two of them shook hands and Stephanie shook her head dropping her hand to her side.

“No, I think I’m capable of getting back to the main desk rather easily thank you though, I don’t want to keep you from your work any longer,” Stephanie said and Dr. Roberts nodded following Stephanie out of the office at the very least.

“Well, then Miss Wayne have a good day.” Dr. Roberts said and Stephanie smiled at him.

“You too Doctor Roberts,” Stephanie responded as she walked away from the doctor taking the same route back as they did to get to his office. She waited until she rounded a corner to look over her shoulder and make sure that the doctor hadn’t followed her and when she found that he hadn’t she sighed in relief. Before returning to her walk back to the main entrance.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Stephanie apologized when she bumped shoulders with a red-headed nurse an apologetic smile on her face, a smile that the nurse happily returned.

“Don’t worry about it sweetheart, just be careful next time we don’t want you ending up in one of these beds here do we?” The red-headed nurse asked and Stephanie nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, that would be really bad, anyways so sorry about walking into you. Have a good day!” Stephanie called over her shoulder as she hurried away, missing the red-headed nurse’s reply.

Stephanie waited until she had gotten a few blocks away from the hospital and had taken as many confusing turns as she could just in case anyone from the hospital had followed her. Though she thought it unlikely considering it was a hospital but there was something about the place that unnerved her and she was unable to shake the feeling until she was more than four blocks away. Ducking into a random coffee shop she stood in line pretending to be getting ready to order coffee as she reached into her pocket pulling out a folded piece of paper. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she opened the folded piece of paper, Tim’s plan had actually worked and she couldn’t believe it. Now all they had to do was wait and see what happened.

~The Void~

“Subject 312469! Wake up!” A guard shouted as he banged on them with a heavy fist startling both you and Jason awake. You jerked awake your body moving on instinct shoving against the hard warm substance pressed against her, catching the person off guard and sending them tumbling to the ground.

“Ouch!” Jason groaned loudly from where he was currently laying on the floor but you ignored him climbing up on to your feet your legs shaking from the effort of it all as you leaned heavily against the wall and stared at the door.

“Subject 432675 stand up and back away from the door!” The guard shouted again as he glared down at Jason through the door. Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment as you quickly glanced down at Jason to make sure that he was ok and then back at the guard who was now wearing an annoyed look.

“Subject 432675 move it! Now!” The guard ordered again as he glared at Jason who grumbled something before he grabbed a hold of the side of the bed and pulled himself up.

“Alright, alright, I’m going calm the fuck down,” Jason grumbled as he stood up, moving so that he was standing in front of you. You stared unashamedly at Jason’s back for a solid second surprised by the fact that he had moved to stand in front of you so quickly, your surprise however quickly turned to annoyance as you glared at him. You were the one who was supposed to be protecting him not the other way around, though you would be lying if a small part of you wasn’t touched by that fact.

“What are you doing?” You hissed at him. At this point, you weren’t sure if Jason was just stubborn or stupid with how much he seemed to fight against the doctor’s rules.

“Protecting you, what does it look like I’m doing?” Jason hissed back not turning his head to look at you as he seemed to enter a glaring match with the guard.

“Well, it looks like you’re trying to get yourself killed idiot.” You hissed right back peering around his arm as best you could to see the guard standing there with their jaw clenched and eyes ablaze. That was not the type of look you wanted to see on a guard.

“Subject 432675 step out of the way now of I will be forced to move you. Subject 312469 please step forward and turn around.” The guard ordered and you wished Jason had the common sense to do as he was told and move out of the way instead he stood up straighter and shifted so that more of you were hidden from the guard making it near impossible for you to see. You went to try and walk around Jason but his arm shot back and his hand pressed against your side stopping you from moving out from behind him.

“No. Why do you want her?” Jason shot back his voice calm and he would have seemed relaxed if it wasn’t for the fact that you were standing right behind him and you could see how tense his back muscles had become. The guard sneered at him as he opened the door and stepped into the room, there were at least five other guards standing outside none of them trusting that the two of you weren’t planning another escape.

“Subject this is your last chance to move or else you will be hurt.” The guard warned him and Jason tensed his jaw clenching as he stared the guard down not at all intimidated by him.

“No,” Jason growled standing up a little straighter glaring the guard down. The guard stared him down for a couple of seconds before a large sinister looking smile spread across his face and you were quick to grab Jason’s arm.

“Jason, don't. You just got your stomach cut open you can’t do this right now.” You hissed at him trying to move him out of the way but your legs shook even more when you stopped supporting yourself on the wall and you were forced to use the wall for support again before you fell over.

“Last chance subject step aside or be moved aside.” The guard warned him but Jason remained where he was glaring at the guard. Jason took a step forward his jaw clenched and hands balled into fists.

“Fuck you.” Jason spat out and the guard was moving before either of you could react and then suddenly Jason was thrown on to his bed slamming against the wall. A rough groan escaped him as he fell down heavily on to the bed but the guard wasn’t done with him yet. The guard grabbed him by his arm and roughly yanked him up on to her feet before punching him in the face causing him to stumble backward. Jason spits blood out of his mouth and took a step forward throwing a punch of his own the guard caught it and punched him in the stomach right where the wound was, the reaction was almost immediate. Jason doubled over in pain his arms wrapping around his stomach as he bit back a cry of pain and dropped to his knees, blood started to bloom on his bandages as he knelt there coughing.

“Aw now look at what you made me do, you made me go and break open the doctor's sutures.” The guard mocked him as he glared down at Jason the guard sending a swift kick to his side sending him sprawling on to his side. Jason spit out blood as he climbed back onto his knees and then up on to his feet the guard laughing as he watched Jason climb back up on to his feet.

“Leave him alone! You wanted me so just take me! Leave him alone!” You shouted pushing yourself off the wall and stumbling towards the guard crashing into him but you were so small that he didn’t even flinch he just shoved you off of him and you stumbled back. Your legs gave out on you and you dropped to the floor with a small cry of shock.

“Stay out of this girl.” The guard growled as he kicked at Jason again. Jason was prepared for this though and he caught the man's foot and shoved it back suddenly fueled by a powerful anger as he grabbed a hold of the guards other anger and yanked his foot out from underneath him before he could recover. Climbing up on to his hands and knees Jason crawled over the man pulling his fist back and punching him in the face a snarl on his face. He got two punches into his face before the guards out in the hallway ran into the room pulling Jason off of the guard. Jason acted like he hadn’t just pulled all of his stitches as he kicked and struggled against the guards snarling at the guards.

“You stay away from her! Do you hear me!” Jason shouted struggling against the guards kicking his feet out and hitting the guard he had knocked to the ground square in the chest with more force than any of them had predicted.

“Stop! Let him go! Leave him alone! I told him to do it! I told him to attack the guard it was my fault! Leave him alone!” You shouted trying to get back up onto your feet but a guard kicked you out of the way and you grunted as you fell to the ground as the guards dragged Jason back and away from you. He stopped struggling as they dragged him out of the room leaving you alone and you stared at them in horror. He’d just attacked a guard and so close after you’re guys escape attempt this wasn’t going to be good, you’d protected him from the worst of it but you weren’t going to be able to protect him from whatever was going to happen.

“Looks like it’s your lucky day bitch you’re not going to the basement for now.” The guard growled out as he stood up wiping the blood off his lip as he glared after Jason before stalking towards the door. He paused in the door before leaving turning around to face you a sneer on his face.

“Oh and if I were you, I would stop trying to protect him, the Red Hood can handle himself.” He stated before leaving the room, slamming the door closed behind him causing you to flinch as you stared at him.

“Red who?” You breathed out as you stared at the door in utter confusion as to what just happened.

77 notes · View notes

readfelice-blog · 6 years

Text

moominland chronicles Sechszehn: bloody tale of woe continued

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days,

Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days,

Thursday, Friday, Happy Days,

The weekend comes, my cycle hums

Ready to race to you

These days are ours

Happy and free. (Oh Happy Days)

These days are ours

Share them with me.(Oh baby)

Goodbye grey sky, hello blue,

there's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

feels so right you can't be wrong,

rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Saturday, what a day

Groovin' all week with you

It’s Wednesday // now its Sunday (I couldn’t finish this on Wednesday, it was still to close).

First off I’m asking for money, I will go into more depth next week because I’m facing the crisis of what the value of my work really is, for now this is my Crowdfunding campaign:

https://igg.me/at/bocemachtocho/x/19564227

Please support if you can.

Music….

Just listen to these, they’re both little slices of genius that deserve your time:

LYDIA LUNCH Queen of Siam

https://www.discogs.com/Lydia-Lunch-Queen-Of-Siam/release/392276

NICOLAS JAAR Hardcore Ambient Mix

https://soundcloud.com/otherpeoplerecords/nicolas-jaar-harcore-ambient …

Here’s the recap and then what happened next on my fine romp through the German Health service…

MONDAY 1/10/18

bleeding

First clot plops out, come into contact with rude receptionists, no one will give me an appointment

TUESDAY 2/10/18

bleeding

Horrible morning cleaning, go to TK and sort my insurance, go to emergency doctor who tells me to go to a gynaecologist

WEDNESDAY 3/10/18

bleeding

Home all day making work, have a little singsong at night. (national holiday - no doctors open)

THURSDAY 4/10/18

Bleeding

Go to job, go to gynaecologist who's not there / will be going on holiday, ring more rude receptionists, fall into the office of a gynaecologists pleading for help, take my pants off, get ultrasound spy dildo inserted up me, bleed all over the doctor. Am told I am pregnant, am told I am not pregnant, am told to go to hospital and go to my insurance. Go to my insurance, get my letter, wander round seemingly abandoned hospital, go home broken.

Oh, ask for help- email my boss / mentor and tell her what’s going on. Email all my clients and cancel all my jobs for the next week.

FRIDAY 5/10/18

Bleeding

Wake up and get a taxi to hospital.

Beg to be seen by someone.

Female gynaecologist sees me this time - take my pants off, get ultrasound spy dildo inserted up me and am roughly routed around in with alarming metal objects and no warning that it will hurt or being asked whether I am in pain. Am told it’s not a baby its a polyp, am scheduled for surgery, spend 2 hours filling in forms, waiting, am given appointment for 9.30am Monday morning and turfed out. Leave, realise I can’t get the note from my doctor (they’re all closed) I need before the weekend, go back, cry at admin assistant, have minor breakdown, am settled and sent away.

Sit shakily on bench in small square by U Bahn on the grounds of the hospital, talk to Moon, go home, tuck myself in and bleed.

My mentor says she’ll come to see me at the hospital, what do I like to eat (I have to stay overnight).

SATURDAY 6/10/18

Bleeding

Move very little, bleed very much, buy some food.

SUNDAY 7/10/18

Bleeding

Much like Saturday but I write and publish my blog.

My mentor asks me what time to come see me.

First wave of friends that read blog get in contact,

“Felice ….. now im sneakily reading your bloody ( literally bloody this time) blog to find out whats actually happening with you. I hope you´re okay!, and if you ever do ask for help I will do my best to help you.”

MONDAY 8/10/18

Bleeding

Get up 6AM, have shower very slowly, am in a lot of pain (its worst in the morning), sit outside my house and wait for Taxi, get taxi, tell the driver I miss free healthcare, he tells me he misses his family in Istanbul. Am deposited outside doctors (to ask for note), wait for 20 mins to get slip of paper and give the receptionist a hug.

Get another uber to Hospital, he leaves me at the gates and I walk to the Frauen Klinik, not sure of where to go I wait at registration then am directed up to my ward and power off with 45 minutes till my surgery, the admin assistant tells me “alles gut”.

Up at station 35, the nurses are friendly, I go to another registration office, back to wait in overcrowded little patient room, fill in a tome of forms in German using the camera on Google Translate to try make sense of them, hand back the forms and slyly observe the small Russian family to my right, the son talks expansively, the mother is softly spread from middle age and fairly tethered to the father, she beckons him to join her but he’s brittle and stands by the window instead, I don’t know what's wrong with her.

30 minutes after my scheduled surgery, 10am, then 45, I am called in to a nurses office where she tell’s me, as if I should know, I’ve been rescheduled for 12:50, she's nice and she tries to speak English, she asks what becomes some kind of pass code,

“Have you eaten on drunk anything today? Do you have any allergies?”

The nurse will take you to your room now, but go back and wait first.

I encounter a gorgeous young elfin nurse and ask if I can go a cigarette on my way to the patient room, where more people are piled in now, she says yes 5 minutes, I promise thats what I’ll do.

Inhale cigarette run back upstairs.

She’s there again, she didn’t know I was scheduled for surgery! Tell them when they take you to your room, just in case.

I stand in the corridor for 20 mins, there is nowhere to sit in the patient room.

A nurse comes and deposits me in my room, it's like places I’ve stayed in generic expansive hotels, a Holiday Inn perhaps, charge my phone, hug my pig because of course I brought him. A nurse enters roughly 30 mins later and tells me to change, its the young elfin nurse, I bundle my things in the cupboard and lock the door, give her the key. Then I change and wait.

In comes another nurse, high cheekbones and a wide smile, I climb into bed but manage to get her to listen to me when I say I’ve had a cigarette, a gasp, she calls down to surgery, a moment where I’m not sure if they’ll operate, but its ok and off we go. I am wheeled to the lift, she touches my shoulder often, she's forgotten all her notes and runs back to the room leaving me lying by the lift, she comes back, still no notes, they’re under my pillow. We continue.

It's like a hospital drama from first person perspective, I’m scared, I’ve never been wheeled around in a bed before, the viewpoint is totally new and robs you of all your independence, I am just a body, unable to move, looking up at the people that flash in and out on my journey down to surgery.

“Have you eaten anything today? Do you have any allergies?” Repeated over and over again, I tell my surgeon I’m not sure sure how much I love Berlin after the last week, I tell the man that doesn’t introduce himself to me and has a strange smile on his face that makes me feel uncomfortable, that I’ve lived here for 6 months, I repeat “No I’ve not eaten anything, No I don’t have any allergies, I’m wheeled next to the operating table, my clothes are removed, a drip is stuck inside me and I’m given a mask, I precariously climb onto the table and then nothing….

I wake up blearily, to be told there was no polyp, its low estrogen, blinking, moments of consciousness, they explain what’s wrong me, or not in this case because they don’t know, there was a lot of blood, I feel like it’s my fault. I ask for the blood clots they’re removed, because I want to see them, but they’re never brought to me.

My nurse takes me back to my room, there’s another woman there now, I’m so frustrated that after an hour or so of sleep I stubbornly dress and go for a smoke, despite the head nurse on the ward saying “if you pass out, I’m not coming down to collect you.”

Then back up, more sleep, my rose quartz angel (mentor, but this is her true form) comes to visit, she brings lilies and salted chocolate, I tell her they didn’t find anything, I am still bleeding, now in my hospital pants rather than my own knickers. She leaves when the nurses bring in dinner, 2 slices of stale bread, 2 slices of plastic cheese, 4 patties of butter, cheese, to be honest I’m not sure. I eat them but am glad I have the chocolate to.

I’m still high on the drugs they’ve given me, I buzz up and down for cigarettes and feel strangely lucid, I text and read the books the rose quartz angel brought me, I try and pretend to myself that it’s all ok now.

My roommate is Russian, she speaks in German or Russian on her phone constantly, but she does not understand English, so we don’t talk. At 21:30 the head nurse administers pain killers and offers to freshen my back “no thanks” then my roommate turns off her light, so I do the same.

But I can’t sleep, so I just toss and turn, 2 hours or so later I wake and patter off to the kitchen to look for food, I’m starving, I find a container of muesli and some milk, I sneakily pour it in a cup alongside a cup of soup, then I craftily return to my room feeling like I’ve subverted the system somehow. The water isn’t hot enough for the cup of soup to melt so there’s fatty globs of it still in the cup, I eat everything anyway, in the dark, then I try to sleep. Another few hours and I manage some shut eye, my body is craving touch from another though, it’s desperately shouting at me.

Good Omens is funny isn’t it?

Eartheater has played and is now probably at some hedonistic afterparty.

TUESDAY 8/10/18

Bleeding

My roommate wakes before me, but I’m half awake, people come in and out (nurses to attend to her requests), she talks on the phone, at 9:00 they wheel in breakfast, 2 slices of stale bread, a piece of plastic cheese and more patties of butter, plus some questionable conserves.

This bread is tough.

A doctor comes in whilst breakfast is still at my side table,

“So you can go whenever you want, we told you what's wrong with you right?”

“When I was high on the drugs you’d given me yes.”

“It’s a hormonal imbalance, you need to go see your gynaecologist so they can give you the IUD.”

“Ok.”

There was no polyp, or alien baby, but I wasn’t conscious so how do I know.

I pack up and exit like a rockstar, but maybe the kind of rockstar your dad becomes at a disco after a few beers rather than Iggy Pop. Before I exit the hospital completely I go see the admin team about my insurance one last time, to ask if I have to call my insurance, because apparently this little hospital holiday will likely cost up to 30k, the woman tells me its ok and I give her a big hug, lilies still in hand, then I dance down to the street, I must still be high on drugs.

i sidestep to the office of the woman I cried at on Friday, because it wasn't her fault so I drew her my lilies to say sorry, she doesn’t have her flowery crocs on today but she's still oddly special and her eyes are crystalline as I run off.

But I’m still bleeding.

I go home on the U Bahn, via the gynaecologists I’ve now crashed into 3 times this week, but my welcome isn’t so warm this time. I need to see the doctor, maybe not today but this week, I hand them my referral note and my operation notes, she goes to talk to him. I get the impression I’m becoming an annoyance now, as if this is all my fault.

“He can see you in 10 days”

“I haven’t stopped bleeding, I need it to be sooner than that.”

She is still kind faced as she ponders this, “ok Thursday morning 8:30?”

“Thats my birthday but yes.”

I finally get home after making some heady announcements via email and facebook that all is right with the world again (drugs still? Who knows).

My rose quartz angel brings me a ton of leafy greens, soups, nuts, tea, yoghurt, chocolate, the care package from heaven and she sits in my little yellow kitchen briefly not drinking her tea.

“So did they take hormonal tests if they think its hormones?

Are you not scared?

I don’t think you should go back to this doctor, I think you need a second opinion and I think he’s a tool, get some more contacts and I’ll do a call round for you tomorrow, see what I can find.”

She had botched surgery before she moved to Berlin, there’s a hole in her mouth now, she called and emailed surgeons all over the world to consult with. She sat opposite a friend of the surgeons, another surgeon, who told her that her investigation could ruin his friends reputation, he didn’t give his opinion.

Doctors are humans to.

After she leaves I’m thrown back in to a land of exasperated worry, I trawl the internet to find more English speaking gynaecologists, I phone the doctor that discharged me, who is not happy to hear from me and through gritted teeth tells me there are no hormone tests, any medical professional would just know that it was an imbalance.

I go to bed worried, the bleeding is getting heavier again.

WEDNESDAY 10/10/18

Bleeding

After a very goog nights rest I receive a call from my rose quartz angel, shes got me an appointment way out at templehof in 2 hours. I dress and get ready slowly, all the connections are seamless, I feel like my angel is with me, I get to the doctors in good time.

Walking through the leafy grounds of the hospital with crisp autumn sun shimmering through the leaves that are a spectrum of warm colours. Not in a panic because my rose quartz angel has sent me a map as well. I walk in exactly on time, have a little tussle with the receptionist about my insurance card, am seated, wait on a white wicker chair reading Alan Watts. The waiting room is airy and feminine, the staff wear pink t-shirts and German pop echoes out from the speaker just to my right above me, I pour myself water and have a little cup of tea.

When my doctor comes out I look at her for 5 minutes before registering she's asking for my name.

Then I repeat my bloody tale of woe to her.

She doesn’t want to just bung me up with an IUD, it will cost me 300euros to do so (or there around) and it won’t solve the problem. She wants to have a look in my uterus as well, so I climb on to her chair and have the spy dildo inserted up me for the 3rd time in the last 7 days, but shes gentle, she tells me it might hurt and to let her know if I’m in pain.

“Well they did a good job of cleaning you out at least because there’s nothing in there now.”

Clothes back on, my ovaries look fine, she’s going to check with her senior doctor to see what he thinks.

I’m back in the waiting room, then in her office.

“So, pills to clot the blood and stop you bleeding. You don’t have to go on the pill, what do you think?”

“I think I want to cover all my bases.”

“Great, me to. Once the bleeding has stopped call us, then we can do a smear test and try to find out whats going on.”

I walk out to a really beautiful autumn day, the kind that framed your first weeks back at school or college, when everything was so fresh and exciting. Whilst I wait for my pills I have coffee and cake at a small cafe that serves the passion cake my mum makes, its the only place I’ve ever found that does so and I’ll be back there again next week.

THURSDAY 11/10/18

Bleeding (getting less)

It’s my birthday.

The bear messages me that the doctor agree’s he's showing symptoms of chlamydia, he's been given antibiotics and I should go ASAP (but no test results as of yet).

“I’ll talk to my gyno next week, its my birthday today and I’m sick of clinics and hospitals this week.”

STI tests are not covered on my insurance.

Ok, no more days need to be charted now, the bleeding is nearly stopped I’ll be back to leafy Templehof at the earliest convenient time next week.

If it is an STI after all this let me just quickly cite what would of happened had I been in the UK with the NHS:

I would of gone to the sex health centre at Homerton Hospital, the same time I went to the emergency doctors on my first visit, around 3 months ago. But I would have had the whole spectrum of tests, rather than just doing 3, because I couldn’t afford the chlamydia test and it would cost 300euro if it came back positive anyway.

A week later I would of received an automated message telling me if I had chlamydia, I would of gone to collect my antibiotics and nothing more would of come of this.

It would of cost the NHS at least a 10th of what its costing my health insurance provider in Germany, because it would of been solved, no carousel of ultrasound spy dildos. No being wheeled down to surgery.

I’m not saying it is Chlamydia, it could be hormones, it could be cancer (but lets brush that one aside), but if it is Chlamydia then this glaring discrepancy of costs and stress is almost mind boggling, all because I would of had access to free testing and treatment.

Anyway I’m done for now, though will update again next week, hopefully in less detail as I’m hoping now I have a diligent and thoughtful doctor I’ll be able to start getting better, and as I say the bleeding has nearly stopped.

My birthday was fantastic, I got to lie on the floor of Saal 1 at Funkhaus and let sound wash over me, bless the folk at Monom, I’m off to Treptower now to see friends I haven’t seen in a while then to a dance studio I’m renting, to sing my heart out in peace. It’s another beautiful day and I’m really looking forward to seeing these friends, I’ve missed them.

But just before I round out this tale of madness for now, I want to say that during the course of the week so many people have been in touch from Berlin and from home to offer support and anything else they can do, it’s really a beautiful thing, there are so many fantastic people in this world and I’m so grateful, thank you. I put all my dirty laundry on display, I don’t really know why, but I get so much from doing it and I don’t think I’ll be stopping anytime soon.

Happy Sunday all.

#self care #Berlin #nhs

1 note · View note

tumblunni · 6 years

Text

OH FUCK U GUYS SHOULD I BUY ALL THE KINDGOM HEARTS IN A ONCENESS???

Holy jesus i knew they did hd ps4 ports of the playstation games but they ALSO added all the final mix content that engkishspeaking fans never got during my childhood? And they ALSO remade chain of memories entireky in 3d with Very Animated Ice Dad?? And they ALSO remade BBS despite it not needing it nearly as much as the old games and thet ALSO remade friggin dream drop distance which came out on a goddamn current gen console?? Like they seriously just made a non portable version?? Now all the spinoffs are on the same console at last?? Why did you not just do this in the first place?? I mean the psp and 3ds games were basically ps2 equivelant graphics and disc space anyway...

Oh and fuckin ALLLLSOOOOO

Also the final mixes of all of those! Also a movie version of the plot of khux! And also Coded and Days, which is a really big shame cos Coded is indeed sparse enough on content to deserve it but Days was my FAVOURITE GAME and it sucks its the only one that didnt get remade! I mean its in the same spinoff category as bbs and com, its not a cheapo mess like coded. Nothing else in the series deserves to be shoved in the Coded bin, even khux at least has better plot even if the backtracking and lootbox shit makes it harder to get to it...

Anyway ALSO a random new sidestory with Aqua going thru like one dungeon or somethin?? I dunno?? Its like a glorified tech demo for kh3, its just 'hey fuckin look what we can do visually on a proper ps4 game' and wow how have i never fuckin heard of this it looks so pretty!! I mean i dont know if its even more than 5 hours or somethin but.. Pretty!! And apparantly you get unlockable costumes for her or somethin? I hope they keep that feature in kh3! Itd rock if it wasnt just the main character too, and we could dress up riku and kairi and goofy and donald and roxas and axel and every the friends :3 new secret to how they defeat xehanort: slap a bow on his damn head

ALSO ALSO

All of this is available in one big bundle pack for £90 which ALSO contains literally kh3. THIS IS HOW THEYRE HANDLING PREORDERS?? THATS SUCH A GOOD WAY TO HANDLE PREORDERS!! Get a discounted price on this new game but while youre waiting for it you get to enjoy an (also discounted) giant fuckin 300 hours memory lane compilation of every damn thing from the last 15 years in one beautiful updated package. Holy fuck its like they made this for ME SPECIFICALLY!this is the perfect way to get people back into the franchise who dropped off in The Great KH3 Wait cos they couldnt afford all the damn million portables needed to gather that Dank Lore. God fuckin hell it cost more than the price of this bundle just to play any one of those games individually on some stupid retro machine i bought exclusively for that one damn game. THAT PSP STILL ROTS IN MY KITCHEN CUPBOARD YO

So so so so so

Guys

Please give me permission to buy this

Or like please convince me not to waste my money if you think i'd waste my money??

I really just DONT KNOW! ive been out of the fandom for so long and my last experience was really hatting BBS and feeling horribly out of place as everyone else raved about it being the best thing ever. And i know NOTHING about what kh3 is gonna be or whether its even possible for me to get back into the fandom and like.. Care about it at all again. I just got fuckin fatigued with it and my teenage years were like me clinging on to the edge of a cliff by my fingernails begging everyone to believe me that Its Still Good, Honestly, Its Worth It while square enix is up there all LONG LIVE THE KING and they push me off. Into a stampede of PSPs. Somehow.

And then aaargh i know i literally only came back to the fandom because organization xiii fuckin eternally holds my heart in their lil grabby hands. It was indeed a good nostalgic moment remembering how i loved them! And getting a new appreciation for Vexen and being blown away by how much he should have been my favourite but i just never got to play COM as a kid and then when i played it as an adult all the way after bbs i ended up quitting before even getting to meet half the org cos this one stupid 'defeat 99 shadows jn 99 seconds' mission kicked my ass. I'M JUST NOT GOOD AT ACTION RPGS OKAY!

Aaaagh thats another Big Worry, yknow? Like asa kid i was Bad, as an adult i'm Barely Better , and as a both i never enjoyed beat em up thingies of any kind at all. And on top of that i was never big into disney, i never saw them as any sort of 'childhood magic' but just some naff cliche shit retelling public domain fairy tales in the safest way possible with a bunch of obnoxious celebrity cameos. Also lion king and snow white terrified me as a kid. Also i associated robin hood with my dead grandma. Also as a kid i couldnt appreciate good artistic ability or voiceacting, i was all about the story, yknow? And most of kh's adaptations are really rushed and barebones versions of an already shoddy story, without any of the visual splendor. ALSO i never saw any of the darker or more emotionally focused stuff like Hunchback and Beauty and the Beast until way after i quit playing kingdom hearts, oddly enough. Wtf beauty and thebeast is actually real good and looks so far beyond its time!! Wtf hunchback has my goddamn evil dad in it!! Why did i miss the only good didneys!! Why did snow white traumatize me and those didnt!!

ANYWAY the point im getting at is that im not inherantly predisposed to like.. Any of kingdom hearts's appeal at all. I didnt know half the disneys and i didnt have any hype for the others. None of my fave final fantasy games made it into it until the sequel and then never again after that. CMON I CANT JUST DEAL WITH ONE VIVI CAMEO Y'ALL! And i haaaate the genre and its an uphill struggle to play a game like that with my stupid inelegant sausage hands. So i just came for the story and then everything after the first game has been conspiring to ruin it for me, sheesh! I felt so much for that short concise self contained first episode and then i fall more and more out of love as they establish this status quo of everything being retconnable so dont bother get attatched to it. Blablabla the entire worldbuilding is different now and everyone was secretly someone else and please memorize a bunch of shit from fifty fuckin spinoffs and also time travel and cloning suddenly exist and ALSO Grandpa Onlyblackmanintheworld is generic motiveless evil and everything was him even of it looked like it was actually a sympathetic villain. *insert dio meme face*

So yeah now im just.. In it for the characters?? And the cute art style and monsters and lovely animations and big fanfic oc potentials stuff. But man even tho i had Big Feel for those things i was able to completely drop it all and forget about the series for years, that was just HOW BAD the kh3 drought was. Steven universe hiatus eat your heart out...

So ffff i dont even KNOW if i'll be able to get feels'd for these characters again or if they actually hold up to modern bunni standards of huggable. And i know all the ones i want to hug the most got like zero sympathy and all died horribly and were also retroactively revealed to be clone oldmanvirus somethingy and aaaaaagh. But also something something people say they all came back and got cured?? And this is why?? I am here?? Again?? And buying?? The thing??

Like man fuck i am already building it up so much in my head aaaa what if i dont actually love axel as much as i used to love axel and i dont love Grumply Science as much as i always love That Character Archetype seriously MAN how was he like THE ONLY ONE I DIDNT GET TO SEE AS A KID

Aaauuuuaggh gahhh like maybe this will reignite my passion for the series or maybe i'll just be all critical and dumb and waste all my moneys

Guys... What do??

#tho i mean i did see the five seconds of vexen u get in days and i know generally what he's like from wikis and fanart #i just mean that i dont know how he really is in his actual starring game and whether any of the sympathetic dadness is canon #plz do #i wanna cry for dad #i mean u made me suddenly cry for saix and ship him with axel as soon as all that stuff was revealed in bbs #i also never finished bbs so i dont know how much we got to learn about apprentice era vexen and baby zexion #like is it actually canon that vexen was his fathee figure? do you actyally see them being cute?#or are people just theorizing?#its so hard to know whats theories in this fandom cos when u waited for a sequel for almost a decade there are a lot of theories lol

3 notes · View notes

tired213 · 7 years

Text

Yuri on ice x Haikyuu.

Alright, so crusing through Tumblr does things to my mind. I know I’m not the only one who has noticed this so time to mash animes.

Ittetsu Takeda and Yuuri Katsuki look a lot alike. I hc them as cousins. Cousins that kinda keep in contact but not really coz they don’t live near each other. Now time for an imagine:

Imagine Takeda knowing about the gayness between several of the boys and the girls, imagine him knowing what it’s like to be a minority in a country town. Now imagine him watching the news one night and finding about Yuuri’s and Viktor’s engagement and immediately calling Yuuri up, despite it being the middle of the night. Imagine him practically begging Yuuri to come to Karasuno and talk to the boys and girls about his struggles. Imagine Yuuri only agreeing coz Viktor wants to meet Takeda. Imagine Yuuri not getting any sleep because Viktor is constantly mumbling and moaning about not knowing about ALL of Yuuri’s family. And no he doesn’t care that Yuuri and Takeda aren’t all that close, so it does want matter.

So imagine a week or so later Yuuri and Viktor turning up at one of Karasuno’s practises and everyone getting creeped out coz ‘why the hell is there a Takeda look-alike at our practice and what is the meaning of the smaller version of Lev?’ Now imagine Yuuri getting all flustered at the amount of people he’s talking too and about how young they are, so all he can do is stamper on about ‘just being yourself and screw what others say’. So his speech gets scraped and the boys and girls don’t really get anything from it.

Then imagine Viktor getting fed up because Yuuri keeps antagonising over how much he stuffed up and bursting into Karasuno with like a hundred different pairs of ice skates, all in different shapes, colours and sizes, and gathering the boys and girls out the front and shoving them, Yuuri, Ukai and Takeda into a hired bus and driving their asses to the nearest ice-rink. Imagine him renting out the place for the day, because he’s got money and he wants to waste some on these Lil shits.

Now imagine Tsukishima being the salty bitch he is and complaining but the second he gets on the ice he’s literally skating circles around the others. Imagine the second he gets on the ice he has that tiny little smile that means he’s genuinely enjoying himself and Viktor tells him that he’d be a great figure skater.

Imagine Yamaguchi being able to hold his own but is too scared to wonder far from the edge, so just awkwardly glides around in circles as Tsuki tries to coax him from the edge. Imagine that Yuuri makes sure to encourage him with a smile every time he goes past. Imagine Yuuri taking him to one side and telling him that he was excellent and should skate more often. Imagine Yams being more confident in his skills because of this and starts to skate around with Tsuki.

Imagine Tanaka and Nishinoya claiming that they’re absolute pros and crashing the first second they are on the ice. Imagine Noya slowly getting better and by the end has just gotten the hand of skating backwards. Imagine Tanaka relying heavily on Yuuri and Viktor before he regains his confidence and goes off to terrorise Ennoshita.

Imagine Asahi not getting on the ice at first, absolutely sure that he’ll crash and has a slight fear that if he does fall someone might accidentally slice his fingers off. Imagine when he finally does get on its only coz Viktor is so nice and Noya seems like he’s having fun and Asahi likes fun. Imagine him being one of the best skaters on the ice and having a face of pure bliss as he moves around on the ice, looking like the angel he really is.

Imagine Ukai being a complete ‘dunce’ and hanging onto Takeda, only for Takeda to find out at a later date that he’s actually pretty good but was just doing it coz he didn’t trust Viktor and didn’t want to leave Takeda on his own near the Russian sex symbol. Imagine Takeda feeling all warm inside because of this.

Imagine Takeda being almost as good as ice skating as Yuuri and the both of them being the adorable dorks they are and making Viktor and Ukai just that little bit hot under the collar. They’ll know about it later, when there aren’t kids around.

Imagine Hinata being the actual dunce and being unable to stand, let alone fucking move on the ice. Imagine Kageyama immediately diving into overprotective boyfriend mode the second one of the better skaters so much as looks at him. Imagine Hinata slowly learning how to skate but complains because he wants Yuuri or Viktor to teach him but Kags is just glaring at them and not letting them close to them.

Imagine Kags not being all too good either so eventually (after the seventeenth time they fall on their asses) he scoots over and awkwardly asks for help. Imagine Viktor laughing but helping him, promising up and down that he isn’t going to touch Hinata. Imagine Hinata glaring at Kags because of this.

Imagine Kiyoko being really unsteady and ungraceful on the ice and surprising everyone when she almost immediately falls over. Imagine her trying to brush it off but clinging to Yachi for the rest of the day.

Imagine Yachi being the beautiful, graceful princess she really is and laughing a little as Viktor and Yuuri cheer at her everything she and Kiyoko skate past them. Imagine her feeling completely at ease on the ice.

Imagine Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita feeling awkward as Yuuri notices them to the back so keeps bringing them foreword and helping them more than the others. Imagine them being awkward and clingy at first and by the end they’re skating almost as good as Tsuki and Asahi. Imagine them believing in themselves because Yuuri did. Imagine them applying this concept in their volleyball training and slowly working up to the leading line during their third year and Ukai being so proud of them.

Imagine Suga hanging back at first because he wants the others to enjoy themselves before he fucking destroys them with his skills. Imagine him fake falling and crashing to make everyone pity him then halfway through the day getting up and near perfectly copying one of Victor’s older routines because the Team Mum is a big fan boy that has been collecting posters of Viktor since he was in his mama’s womb.

Imagine Daichi loving this even though he refuses to let go of the side of the rink but he’s still the one that has the most amount of fun. Imagine him just standing back and watching his team zip around on the ice, recording a few of them but getting camera shy when Suga steals the video camera from him.

Imagine them all laughing and making fun of each other as they skate and when they brake for lunch Yuuri, seeing them all happy, works up the courage and stands on top of a table and clears his throat. Imagine him telling them everything, about how he got drunk and made a fool of himself, about how he couldn’t deal with his losses in a healthy manner, about how much his anxiety affected him and how he wouldn’t get help and just eat his feelings out.

Imagine Yuuri telling them about meeting Viktor and how much the misunderstanding crushed him. Imagine him telling them about how hard he fell for Viktor and how they helped each other throughout the season. Imagine Takeda in tears as each of them pay attention and take in everything he says. Imagine Viktor taking a picture from behind and using his laptop to take all the videos Daichi recorded and uploading it all on his social media tagging everyone he knows. Imagine Pitchit being the first to like it and almost immediately calls up Yuuri, who has to awkwardly pause his speech to let Pitchit gush at the team.

Imagine all of his fans dying over this team and how adorable they are. Imagine when the next season comes around Yurio demanding to meet the team and is instant salt-buddies with Tsuki and Yams. Imagine Hinata trying to square up against Otabek when Yurio finally brings him around because he looked at Kags for longer than five seconds. Imagine Asahi and Otabek being the 'bad rumour buddies’.

Imagine Yuuri and Viktor dropping by during the next training camp in Tokyo because they were in town. Imagine Lev getting pissy because 'holy shit batman my cousin is in town and he didn’t tell me!’ Imagine everyone in Karasuno just collectively going 'I knew it’. Just imagine all the teams calling in the students that had graduated and telling them 'to get your damn asses over now, Karasuno collectively knows FAMOUS people’ Imagine Kuroo and Suga getting together to fan boy over Viktor.

Furthermore imagine Kuroo nearly strangling Lev because 'How did the fact that Viktor Nikiforov is your cousin and my biggest role model slip out of that dumb head of yours?!?’

Just Imagine Yuuri helping the kids with confidence issues and Viktor helping the kids with body image issues. Imagine Viktor and Yuuri getting the kids who can figure skate really well and getting them to help with fund-raisers. Imagine them helping the kids that want to figure skate get onto the scene and lunching their carers. Imagine Viktor and Yuuri going to schools all around the world and teaching kids to love themselves and ice skate because it worked so well for the Karasuno kids.

Imagine Takeda and Ukai helping them spread the positive vibes around the world by pitching in with volleyball lessons. Imagine Viktor and Yuuri turning up to each of the Crows graduations because they love them. Imagine each of the Crows having a second set of parents to turn to when life gets really tough.

Imagine Yurio and Otabek giving the team shoutouts every so often. Imagine the team collectively working together to prank Yurio and Otabek when they’re being shits. Imagine the team coming together several years after they first met Viktor, Yuuri, Yurio and Otabek and planning a huge thank you party for them. Imagine the team being guests of honour at the Viktuuri wedding. Imagine Viktor and Yuuri showing up at the AsaNoya, TsukiYama, DaiSuga, KageHina, KiyoYachi, UkaTake and all the other weddings. Imagine finding strength in each other as the years pass.

Just AHHHHHHHH. Imagine how adorable this would be. I’m sorry that this went on for so long. But I love my hat animes.

8 notes · View notes

whimsically-ominously-auspice · 4 years

Text

Alex Laughlin: i always wondered why she played with my balls when she gave me a blow job! She hated -- hates doing it!! Id tell her "give me a blow job babe" and she would smile and say "okay" i must admit she did look real greedy saying it tho, like this Grinch gleam in her eye. In 2008 i complained she was messing with my balls too much and i wasn't Saint Luches. She stopped. Looked me dead in the eyes and said "i play with them or you dont get none" I been begging her for 3 days so i wasn't gonna complain. But i never knew all this time she hated it. Tree how many blow jobs she give me?

Great Tree of Knowledge: 348

Alex: and you don't even like it. You really must love me

Me: and I do

Mark: and me??

Great Tree of Knowledge: Jesse Tony James: 894. Saint Luches: 746 Matt Hagan: 4 Mark: 1472

Alex: man somebody owes me something.

Me: but you got other blow jobs and you liked them better

Alex: omg shut up.

Saint Luches: yeah from me

Me: and you're not even into oral that much. You like wrapping your arms around me and feeling and having that full experience. You like oral, yes. You like the attention that I give just to you to perform sexually on only you so you feel all the love and adoration that i can give only you. Not for had about me, too. Its me unselfishingly loving only you. But you like the whole thing. You don't like just watching me bob my head up and down. You said you can go to the lake and throw in a line off a fishing pole and jack off and watch the red and white bobber go up and down in the lake water and to you it's the thing as watching my head go up and down in your lap. Yu want the whole thing. Kit and caboodle. Ass grabbing. Hair pulling. Tit sucking.

Mark: okay alright

Alex: you really love me, you know so much about me.

Me: i love fucking you. The bruises make me wet the next day.. Like omg he bit my tit so hard im all bruised all the way across it and i look beat and i need 4 tons of concealer and I love it. It didn't even hurt. I didnt even feel it in a painful way that way. And you didn't even notice, you just kept fucking and loving me as violently as you could. But without violence. A great amount of passion and possession that you couldn't even control yourself. All yoh know you had to do was love me as best and as most as you could every second until our bodies were exhausted. And I love it more than anything. You ever fuck me differently, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

Saint Luches: I love her!

Alex: whips and chains excite her!!!

Saint Luches: so what you said is you don't care he bites the shit out of you as long as it doesn't hurt?

Me: see... It does... It feels the same as if he bit me to kill me. But the Thing is the brain releases so many endorphins and all the good feelings are so extreme that the pain is dulled. So when he bites it hurts but it feels so good because it's only for an instant. Its like eating chocolate candy and salty pop corn. Its so fucking good. Its just the orgasm. It changes the way the body feels and expresses itself. Procreation, survival of our humans is so important that say you get stung by a bee, the central nervous system says you need to pay attention you got a Problem. But while good sex is going on the body says oh I'll give you a bruise and remind you to check for other damage like may be you have a bee nest under the window you need to be aware of. And while shes not even ovulating you need to keep having sex for the day she does ovulate, she can get pregnant. Because sex is more important than anything else -! While you are having good sex -- because if you can have good sex then there's a compatibility between two people so good and amazing that they'll be able to raise kids together with attention and passion and goodness. So yeah my sex with Alex is that way.. It doesn't matter he's kinky and violent he is because hes a gentle person. It just possession and obsession that a soul mate has for another soulmate. Makes good parents says the body. So it's not like gonna be true -- its the body's way to keep producing children. It doesn't even care who you are one would expect -! But it does. Like my ex husband MT. he couldn't even get it up because he knew what a bastard he was. A lot of rapists can't get it up. So it really does care. Especially when someone is praying to God.

Alex: that's exciting. I got a new email about foreskin. He said he went to go pee. Hadnt read, was half asleep, just got outta bed. Didn't look or turn on the light. And the skin was pinched closed all ready to unwrap his present. And the force and pressure from the pee busted through but he was peeling all over himself, all down his hand and all over the toilet seat. So he Turned on the light to look and he screamed "oh my God!! What happened to me!! That bitch owes me a Dick and a Maid!!! I'm not joking wjat the Hell is this thing on my Dick?! What did she do to me?? Was it aliens?!?!" He said he was so scared!! So he pulled up your post with the images of the foreskin. So he took off his bottoms and sat on the toilet tried to read but he still had to pee so he didn't know what the Hell to do! So he began to cry. He got in the shower and began to masturbate and then he realized why he got foreskin and he's no longer angry at you.

Me: so why did he cry?

Alex: he realized some one you love had a problem and its the only way to fix it is replace the foreskin. And he hated you for it. Because he didn't have a problem. But some weird part of him, he says, began to grow 3x it's size. His penis, mind you. No but really he realized he never had a choice. Never as a man nor boy experienced foreskin. And he said it was a gift from Heaven. Once he was in the shower he for sure knew it wasn't aliens. Because it felt too dam good. So he wanted to thank thou and hopes his mom will mom will mop in the morning.

Me: he's welcome. I hope she does, too.

Alex: yeah she don't work, he pays for every thing. He said he wants his charity to be with underprivileged youth in poverty neighborhoods in California, his home state. He wants Snoop Dogg to give him advice as to where to put race tracks and how to transport because Snoop is the only one that he knows that does anything like that and he wants to take Snoops kids as a training for him.

Me: he's gonna make me cry. Snoop says he can't wait. I can hear him. He wants to open like a free gocart place...

Like 3 people: quit! You have like no money! Stop!

Me: im like one every 5 square miles with Abu on the corners so the kids could almost walk... Y'all know. Sometimes I probably should stop. Oh you know what's fun? Shopping carts. Ohhhhhh!!÷! You know schools here have no woodshop until high school. They could build box cars at the school!! Then race!!

Mark: well that's a great idea.

Me: i mean there's 365 days a year.

Alex: that's why I love you

How you love it now, Chandler?

0 notes

icoulddieandwecouldlive-blog · 4 years

Text

JUST INCASE IT GOES MISSING

This is my manifesto

That beautiful morning, i hadnt gotten any sleep that night because i was up ranting about OCCULTISM and rape and dug abuse. When my friend, Quaint, showed up he was shaking and his lips were an off shade of grey. He asked to use my phone and called his mama saying that he might go to hospital today because he felt sick. I told him that he wasnt sick he was just DTing and needed alcohol to subdue the effects on his body. I walked to go get medicinal whiskey but the liquor store wasnt open. I walked to the whole foods and picked up 2 bottles of wine and some doggo treats for his dog, chance. He didnt want the treats i gave him but he was such a good protector of his friend. We passed the wine around, casually outside of the unopened shop.

THEYASKEDME IF WAS SEEIN OR HEARING ANYTHING

It was Monday morning (Mid December 2019) when i had contact with the first officer in front of an establishment called “The Love of Ganesha” on Haight St in San Francisco. I dont remember his badge name or number but he was a well groomed caucasian male. He approached me because he had gotten a call that morning about disorderly conduct (or something along those lines) he arrived at the scene, harrassed my surrounding family, and moved them down the line. After everyone had moved he approched me and Threatened to detain me for being under the influence or for being crazy or something like that. He told me he was taking me to the SF psychiatric ward. I asked him what he was detaining me for. I asked him again what he was detaining me for. He approached my husband and asked Sean if he knew me and if he could help me move me belongings and myself to another location. My stuff was in dissarray but we moved down to the corner of haight and ashbury where my husband sean took and long nap (we were up the entire night before)

My friends and i spent most of the day on that corner, playing with our kitties and talking to touring adults. Around sundown,shortly after a woman donated several dogbeds, my good friend Caveman approached the corner and put down his belongings. Seconds later a squad car with flashing lights pulled up to the scene and two officers of the law got out. One of them was a young african american male and the other was a (assumed to be) younger asian american male. The asian american male (we’ll just call him “woodstick”) “Woodstick” immediatly addressed caveman by asking him “how is your son” whih i thought was very rude. But then “woodstick” told everyone that they had to leave “his” corner. (im pretty sure he doesnt pay rent on that corner but anyway) as me and my husband packed up our belongings “woodstick” got out his big wooden stick and wore it on his hip like a Gun. I wasnt threatened but everyone else, all fed up with the harrassment, moved along.

I stayed up all night that night talking my husband’s ear off and crying. I fell asleep shortly but was woken up by my hyper-sensitive on-guard dog around 4:30 am. So not much later in the morning i got up and even through my husband asked me not to go, i wanted to walk and yell and talk someone els’s ear off. So i took our 3 kittens, (because they were wide awake) and i went to haight st. i sat on my dog’s bed on the corner of haight st and ashbury and made a sign that said I protest this state. For the sake of my deceased friends:

I screamed that i was being raped, I screamed that i was being murdered, i screamed “wake up people” and i screamed “NARCAN call 911 call 911 call 911 i am overdosing on heroin! oh wait thats not what someone who is overdosing on heroin sounds like” I was furiously flipping off everyone and nobody cared.

Anyway, an african american police officer arrived at the scene, right around 7 am right after shift change i assume (she never mentioned getting a call). She pulled up wto me and said “stand up”, i said “no”, she said “im taking you to jail”, she put on black gloves and got out of her car and asked me politely what the problem is. I explained my situation to her and she politely told me where to go to file a formal complaint against off. “Woodstick” and then when i continued to not comply she gave me a tresspassing 25 ticket. Then she said that because i wasnt leaving “ we were going to have another problem” i told her to contact her SGT. and she did so. A white man arrived at the scene and rudely told me… something (i wasnt listening ) i was also flipping off people as they walked by. So the SGT starts grabbing at me and pushing my hat and other belongings around, almost as if he was trying to piss me off more. Then he grabbed me by my shoulder and so did the african american female officer that had orginally made contact with me. I explained “dont touch me” “stop harrassing me” “i know my rights” (which im not sure i do anymore)Then shorltly another 4 or so officers showed up to the scene and pushed my face into the ground, got one arm behind my back, broke my glasses and they said “stop resisting” multiple times. Then they threatened to take me to jail. They told me my religious artifact would have to be removed and then they forcefully tried to remove my silver and lapiz ring. My figner had already been broken recently so i knew that my ring wouldnt come off easily. I told the officers that as they FORCEFULLY tried to remove my religious artifact. I mentioned the first amendment to them. They continued to try to remove my ring threatening me with detainment. Then the SFFD showed up and they put me on the gurnie. Forced my right hand. Took my cat’s basket and my dog’s new dog bed that was given to me by that kind woman.

Took me to the Zuckerberg San Francisco General hostpitable where they werent very hospitable. I spoke to a psychiatrist for 5 minutes before they knocked me out witha variety of pills. The next morning i woke up and they gave me my breakfaast (mushroom omlette) and i announced i was doing a hunger strike, drank a cup of coffee. Not long after they allowed me to call my mom. My mother offered to pick me up from the hospital but i told her i wanted to be released on my own recognisance. Not long after they allowed me to shower and leave.

MY partner, sean, was waiting outside for me and my friend shane came and picked us up.

That evening i bought a pack of PBRs, because it was all i could afford beer wise, and i went to haight st and handed them out to my friends. I put my belonging under a scaffolding to protect it from the cold rain. My friend caveman screamed at me on sight “you are the only other woman to be 5150 from here other than misha” who misha is i dont know.

King and 14th

I scrambled to get to the train station. Screaming the whole way. I begged people to let me use there phone because mine had died. I went into the train station and frantically tried to find money in my purse. An older african american woman approched me and asked me what the problem was bought

Friday the 13th December

It was raining when my partner got off the BART train. We walked to the closest covered porch and started to unwind. After watching a couple older gentlemen leave the building i assumed that it was a federal building. We went to sleep there. Around 2 am (december 14) in the middle of shift change SGT 8 and OFF 10 woke us up and off. 10 threatened to take me and my husband to jail… or to the hospital… i dont remember exactly what his plan was but he put those stupid blue gloves on. As soon as i started rambling to myself they left. NO CONTACT

My husband and i got our asses moving and as we walked we started to argue (but not in a “im mad at you and you suck”kind of way but in a “i was exhausted already” kind of way) i told him to stay put after we walked not even half a mile. I walked with my yellow water bottle in hand so that traffic could see me more clearly. I got to the fire house. Rang the doorbell.

Rang the doorbell again, i was quite dehydrated at this point. I used my limited knowledge of morse code to sing S.O.S. and WATER and FIRE and HELP. when i noticed the fire department waking up i motioned at them for water. They laughed and shook their heads or something like that. I was so angry at this point i may have started hallucinating.

2 cop cars pulled up. 4 lights shone. I put my hands up with my big ol sharpie in one hand and my water bottle in the other. SGT 8 rushed me, snatched the bottle out of me hand, threw it away from me, and put my on the ground and in cuffs. He did not read me any sort of any rights. Anyway he asked me if i was writing on the building or doors. they ran my name. Asked me what the problem is… i told them i was tired and i had just had a fight with my husband. I mentioned the domestic abuse and they said “dont use that word” i told them i needed a ride to the hospital, he said he would only give me a ride if i was under the influence of drugs and shined his BRIGHT ass light in my eyes, practically blinding me. I told him i had smoked weed (a legal substance to consume if you arent operating a motor vehicle) he said i didnt seem high and he was right because the cheap weed i smoked barely did anything anyways. So i mentioned the water thing again after they allowed me to sit on their bumper (so polite) i asked them for their badge numbers and the ten (more like a seven but he’s a cop there is only so far you can get with that) said he was 10 and the four told me he was 8. Brisbane PD. where there is no hospital apparently. So they confirmed that i was being transported and he said hed give me a ride to square one. And one water bottle when i got out. Then he told me hed give me two water bottles which was great because i was REALLY fucking thirsty at that point. And then in the privacy of his cruiser he said “my water bottle is just like your water bottle except my bottle is full and yours is empty” which i thought was pretty offensive but i didnt say anything. So SGT 8 drops me off at the gas station (which wasnt the federal building that i woke up at that morning but details are so 19th century) and puts my water bottle and a new sealed water bottle on the curb of the gas station. Takes my cuffs off, probably said some fuck shit. And said “anything else” and as they got into their cars i said “oh yes and i am in fear of hurting myself AND OTHERs”

And i walked.

And i screamed

And i cruised by my sleeping darling and i wrote a little happy face on the lid of the bottle and i left it for him and i walked some more and when i was out of ear shot of him i whistled. I SCREAMED and i banged my bottle against a pole. I took out my lipstick and i drew a heart on a sign. I drew my signature (MAD (mutually assured desrtuction) read it in HS kinda liked the ring to it) and i walked and i screamed some more. I heard owls in the trees. I saw two men in the trees one had a light in his hand and they stood patiently. I said “hello?” and i heard one of them say “what?”

#PTSD #BPD #read about it #books #nonfiction #summary #manifesto #art #art for the sake of recovery #recovery #rehab #sober #clean

0 notes