#Skelliboy speaks

[sacarvos]

I’m only posting this in the tags to hopefully reassure and/or ground people.

What happened and what Vinny is doing now and will do in the future is nothing we can control.

I know it can be hard to not get upset about the allegations and how they affected the people involved and Vinny himself-- the whole situation was devastating to me, as well. I know we’re all eager for answers; a more detailed explanation; and/or public apology from Vinny, and the truth or a time back to where things were as they were before when Vinny streamed most everyday.

But as external entities who have absolutely nothing to do with the man nor the people involved, the only thing we can do is wait for these people to heal and, maybe applicable for some people, heal ourselves. Learning that Vinny might have had behaved that way sucks. Learning that the allegations might be embellished or completely falsified by a person or group who aimed to bring Vinny and his career down by making up very serious and utterly horrific accusations of emotional manipulation and sexual misbehavior sucks. However which way any of us feel about it, it’s beyond our abilities to do anything.

Please respect Vinny’s decisions for what he does from now on for himself, and please respect the accusers for their retaining of their anonymity-- publicly addressing experiences such as this that involves someone with social status can be a very daunting and traumatic thing. It’s the least all of us can do.

I don’t intend to come off as malicious or rude but I think our emotional and mental energies are far too precious to expend on something we can’t control nor really have any personal involvement with.

Please take care of yourselves, everyone.

[llamagoddessofficial]

If Mc in Agree suddenly had a friend coming over unannounced, how would the skelliboys react? Especially if the friend is from a different country?

Blue: The usual- hanging out abnormally close to Mc and giving this ‘friend’ an ice-cold glare masked by his normal smile. He doesn’t like people intruding on his perfect life with her… skeletons, at least, he can deal with and get rid of. Humans? He doesn’t know how to handle them without murder.

Red: Honestly? Will probably flirt with them. He has no reason not to, maybe he can finally get some action ;) … What he doesn’t know, however, is that deep down, he’s doing it because he wants Mc to react. It’s like a toddler with a crush who doesn’t understand how to deal with it; he wants her attention to be focused on him. And how does he do that? By maturely speaking to her or asking her to hang around with him?Pft. Nope. By causing a scene.

Skull: Wrapped around her like a comforter and 100% unwilling to let go until this person leaves him and his precious human alone. He never was and never will be the sharing type. It’s probably a perfect opportunity for Mc to have a little talk with him about him trying to decide her friends for her.

[menacewest]

               me never using any pictures of jade on this blog other than the tori fixes beck & jade stills? more likely than you’d think! y’all. i recently hit 200 followers & it’s really blowing my mind rn. i honestly kind of made this blog on a whim after a pretty long hiatus from the rp community, and all you wonderful people have made me feel so so welcomed back despite playing a character from a fandom with no real rp community to speak of. i can’t thank all of you enough. in return, i’d like to show some recognition to those i enjoy seeing in my dash the absolute most. 

first and foremost, the baes.

alli @c137th​ is one of my two oldest friends from tumblr. we met in the sherlock rp community, and since she was playing john & i was playing a john.lock oc kid, the joke quickly became that she was my dad. and it’s not wrong. alli is dad friend, bad jokes and all, and i’ll follow her from muse to muse with a smile on my face. i can’t wait to see you again bb. 

queenie @gwehndolyn​ is my dorter!! i met her when she was TINIE!! NOT EVEN IN HIGH SCHOOL YET!!! and since that was about the age i started rping and didn’t have the best experiences possible, i immediately decided that i must protec. we fell out of touch for a while there, but i’m so happy to see how much her writing has progressed and the accomplishments she’s making IRL & i’m very very proud of her.

and now, everyone else, in no particular order! 

@atomotus​ / / @hartsprung​ / / @hunterofapurpose​ / / @debilitatehim​ / / @olympiclion​ / / @multamusae​ / / @yourhotaunt​ / / @centuriesuntold​ / / @crimme​ / / @brainsnbeauty​ / / @solestarlet​ / / @ahopefulbunch​ / / @guiltycharge​ / / @shotwebs​ / / @hopestolen​ / / @solraised​ / / @softgenius​ / / @radicalizeds​ / / @islesolated​ / / @hardcoreproved​ / / @korrhaphi​ / / @evilworn​ / / @fuckingthiscat​ / / @skelliboy / / @fearbehindasmile / / @chavborn / / @godcreates / / @crisisdrawn / / @ironguilt 

[sacarvos]

I know I shouldn’t still be bemoaning about the allegations but one of the things that still kinda bothers me is that as far as I’m aware, there’s still uncertainty on whether or not Vinny’s email was actually moderated all this time. If it was, that would mean that he was sexting people while others were witnessing and fully aware of it, in which nobody among the latter chose to say anything earlier, and worse, exposing intimate conversations and possibly photos of the people Vinny was sexting without their knowledge or consent.

If it wasn’t, I don’t feel that it’s any better. There was a post on Twitter wherein a former mod or other claimed that the moderation thing was actually just a ruse to prevent spam and weird messages, and that they have apparently been collectively begging Vinny to have his email monitored “for years” for said reasons. And, personally, having his streaming email not monitored kinda leaves me to lean more to the notion that the allegations are true.

There’s also the possibility that the email was fabricated by the accuser(s) but from what I’ve seen, there’s a considerable amount of evidence that suggests otherwise.

I know it seems I’m making it out to utterly demonize Vinny, but I truly, sincerely don’t want to... I’ve been watching Vinesauce for ~6 years; I still think Vinny is a funny, down-to-earth, talented, chill, and cool dude whom I would be ecstatic to meet in person one day. I just think it’d be beneficial to him and honestly, personally reassuring for myself and others if he were to explain his side of the story and maybe clear up some of the still-present inconsistencies, but he hasn’t yet nor seems to intend to.

I don’t want to “go full detective” or anything, I just want closure on if it’s morally okay to still support him when or if he’s done shitty things to people without any act of apology and, if applicable, due retribution.

These words are going to sound really cruel and unkind-- I don’t want to think of Vinny as a womanizing asshole who throws people away and harbors total disregard for their feelings or emotional pain when he’s done with them.

I know he’s not perfect, but I don’t want him to seem utterly evil in my perception either.

[sacarvos]

I don’t really use this blog, obviously, but I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest, as a lot of others have done...

Dumb, rambly stream-of-consciousness garbage likely with a lot of grammatical/spelling errors. Might delete later because I don’t think my musings are really beneficial to anybody haha

I know the “conversation” so to speak is probably mostly all done and over with but I just need to get this out:

I’m sort of unsure on how to feel about the Vinny Vinesauce situation?

Even though the evidence in the doc is spotty, I don’t doubt that there is some truth and validity to it. I sympathize wholeheartedly with the victims.

I think a lot of stuff in the doc (i.e., a shit-ton of personal information about Vinny) should have been redacted/censored for his privacy’s sake. Even just learning about any of it in passing felt... wrong.

Him hooking up with fans is morally questionable for the most part imo because of power imbalances. I’ve heard people defending him and claiming that there’s no such dynamic, however, I’d like to counterpoint that the imbalance is that he has far much more figures backing him up if/when he does something wrong or questionable, in contrast to anybody he may have an issue with who may be just a relatively ordinary person with zero influence and potentially use his own as leverage so as to keep people from speaking up about his wrongdoings. It’s frustrating how it seems as if VS fans are totally ignoring the part in the doc where he considered leaking revenge p*rn of a person if he had to resort to it... People interpreted it as just something he said in the heat of the moment. I honest to god would like to believe that, and I hope that’s the case but... Man, even just him even thinking of the idea and admitting to it is painful enough... I mean I know our internal thoughts don’t necessarily reflect our morals in their entirety but still.. Idk...

I know I’ve been making him out to be a bad person so far but the truth is, I sincerely want to believe that Vinny is just a generally good guy who did stupid things... I don’t blame him for wanting privacy; he probably just could’ve executed it with these hookups far better and kinder than he had.

Admittedly, I still kind of want to watch his streams/videos but would that be wrong of me to do? Would it be putting salt in the wounds of the people he hurt? I haven’t really been able to completely watch any of his recent videos lately because of this lol

Like my brain is doing dumb splitting gymnastics on how I am supposed to feel/think of the situation. I want to be as best as I can and believe what’s right. But here I’m just confused. People should be allowed second chances when they fuck up, right? But that doesn’t invalidate the harm they have done! They still hurt people! But at the same time, none of us are obligated to any of this information! It doesn’t concern us so we don’t have to know!!!

Ugh, I don’t know...

What’s frustrating of all imo though is how the majority of the VS community reacted. A lot of them were outright dismissive of the accusations rather than actually taking some time to examine them and make a decision based on that, and instead came to his defense almost as if solely because they like him and his content. And even though Vinny said not to harass anybody involved, a lot of them did anyway. I thought this community had matured over the years and I was genuinely happy for them, but most fans’ reaction to the situation just proved that wrong...

Ugh, anyway, out of anything to come out of all this, I kind of wish Vinny would apologize to the people he’s hurt. It doesn’t have to be publicly necessarily, but, idk... Just some form of reassurance to where everybody can put this all behind us... It would make my heart rest easy...

[sacarvos]

Yesterday was the anniversary of that Vinny Vinesauce doc dropping, wasn’t it?

[sacarvos]

You will not believe how pathetic and totally stupid I know I am for feeling certain things I know are invalid but still feeling them, regardless of any iota of self-awareness I may possess or, hell, could possibly even think I could possess. 

It’s genuinely funny. I sincerely laugh a how totally stupid it is and how I am for feeling these stupid, senseless, mindless things. I don’t have the guts to say what it is and I will forever take it to my grave and will never utter a single word even after death because I’m embarrassed about it; it is legitimately stupid. So stupid that it’s funny. So. Stupid. That. It’s. Funny. I can’t stop laughing about it and at myself. I’m so fucking stupid and pathetic and delusional that it’s funny. It’s funny. It’s funny. It’s funny.

A true tragicomedy where I am both the performer and the audience; looking in a mirror and being returned with the gaze of a clown.

It’s funny.

[sacarvos]

Privated my last for-some-reason-regularly-scheduled-Sinny-Sinevauce-dr*ma post lol.

I was just mad in the moment. Having a bunch of other personal stuff going on (no excuse; who doesn’t nowadays) and having withdrawals from some meds I haven’t been able to get has been leaving me on edge and extremely volatile for the past several weeks.

Though I still stand my ground on disappointment, I’ve realized that that’s not really important for me to share since the conversation is pretty much done and over with. Just another unhinged rando-nobody-stranger on the internet anonymously bellyaching about it and a person whom they don’t know nor will ever truly know isn’t going to change anything in the long run.

I do feel bad for being so vitriolic. V****, if you happen to see this, I’m sorry for my rudeness. I spoke out of line on circumstances that don’t really have any personal impact on I myself, and I understand that a misstep or two isn’t necessarily indicative of your person and merit on the whole.

[sacarvos]

For even just once in my life, I want to be reassured that I have a right to feel the way I do. That my feelings are okay to feel instead of deeming them as being overemotional, crying all the time and too much, and  being hard to deal with.

Somebody whom I’ve talked with during their rough times told me that I can go to them if I need to vent but idk if I really want a friend to tell me this. I mean, if they’re my friend of course they’d try to be nice whether they genuinely mean it or not.

I just think it’d be more validating being told this by someone who doesn’t know me or is impartial to me but who isn’t a therapist.

[sacarvos]

Ngl kinda wanna kms because I don’t want to be bogged down by life responsibilities that I know I can’t fulfill...

I’m just wasted matter, wasted meat, a wasted vessel of energy. Like the laws of thermodynamics and of the universe could’ve used the resources that my body and entire self is composed of for something far more valuable.

[sacarvos]

I feel like I haven’t... No, I know I haven’t done anything that’s really worth any level of merit or importance. After graduating from college, it’s just been a constant state of the same-old, same-old of being home most of the time and not really doing anything productive for far too many years now. I haven’t earned my keep. I haven’t earned my right of just... being.

I’ve dwindled far too long, I know... I haven’t hit the most basic, beginner milestones I should have accomplished long ago. It’s pathetic. It’s probably aggravating to the people who I burden because of my dependency.

I’m so stupid. I’m so fucking stupid and lazy and worthless.

Nobody consents to being born. I didn’t consent to being born. It’s unfair. It’s unfair because the mere instance of being alive comes with debts.

I can’t pay them; I can’t justify my right for existence.

I want to disappear.

I want to die.

[sacarvos]

Boy I really hate my toxic family member(s). If they ever move out,-- even if the hate dies down overtime -- I probably will still hate them. No amount of “I’m sorry”’s, “I didn’t mean it”’s, I was in a dark place at the time”’s etc. etc. (granting that they will ever, EVER feel remorse for themself, which I doubt) will EVER heal the amount of mental distress and detrimental complexities I’ve developed from their mental, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse. I don’t want to take it anymore. I can’t. This Whole family is a stream of toxicity flowing from toxicity flowing from MORE toxicity. The cycle needs to break. Otherwise, we’ll all just end up being unhealthy to ourselves and others for the rest of all our lives.

[sacarvos]

With how utterly cruel, heartless, and pain-inflicting people of the world can be, I really don’t think there will ever be an end to evils and injustices.

I can’t live in a world where all this pain is inescapable, and even though I desperately, sincerely want to and try to do something about it, it will always feel like an empty endeavor, no matter what I do.

No one will listen.

No one will care.

No one will have any sense of remorse of the harm they have caused, do cause, and will cause in the future.

I don’t see a point to keep living in a world like this. It hurts too much.

As the proverbial Sisyphean stone, it’s impossible. A feat that, no matter how sore my climbing feet are; no matter how spent my muscles have become and are at the verge of giving out and falling limp; and the speckles of dust particulates dusting my fingers and palms, these sufferings are all for naught, for the stone will forever fall back, and render those of us who wish to make any shred of meaningful change to find ourselves back at the bottom of the hill, again and again.

[sacarvos]

Really craving that good ol’ fashioned Validation rn

[sacarvos]

Was seriously thinking about Oh-Dee’ing on my meds for a couple of weeks...

I stopped taking one of them for roughly three days cold turkey and that probably wasn’t a good idea (not that I really care, tbh).

The ironic thing is, when I wasn’t taking medication I think I was somehow more “motivated” to do some things than I am with taking them.

Before they were prescribed to me, I often took walks to escape my mind in a physical sense. It didn’t really work though I guess because I always had a tendency to overthink while taking walks and end up getting terribly depressed, crying, and ultimately wishing that a truck driving by the highway would hit me.

I’m fine with taking medication but I’m kind of bummed that I don’t have the capacity for catharsis anymore, which, I kind of miss...

As terrible as it was, it was a release.

Anguishing out my pain was relieving.

And it was addictive.

[sacarvos]

I Have Developed an Unbridled Disdain for Individuals Who Exude Natural And/or Achieved Modern Aesthetic Standards.

Pretty Privileged People Do NOT Interact