#Somehow shaping my own fandom experience instead of having other people pick the content for me (though I love-

[kyouka-supremacy]

Sis

[attractive-nuisance-esq]

Here’s the thing: After 15x18 - after Castiel’s confession - I will be devastatingly heartbroken with any ending less than a full, explicitly romantic relationship between him and Dean.

Let’s be clear: If they hadn’t had Cas confess, I wouldn’t be terrified about what they’re going to give to us on Thursday night. We’d all made our peace with Destiel never going canon. We never, ever in a million years expected to actually get it. All of us shippers were content to live with what we got on screen, determined to see it live on in our fanfiction, with faith in the fandom to tell the story of Dean and Castiel. We were fine. We were excited! The ending of any show is a momentous occasion, but the ending of this one? With this fandom family? After this long? No matter what happened, it was going to be something we’d cherish forever.

Instead, in the third-to-last episode of all time, Supernatural gave us a confession of love from one of its most beloved characters to the hero of the story. And we all lost our minds. Quite rightfully! We never, ever thought it would happen - no matter how much sub there has been in the text over the last 12 years. You know why? Because of Disney.

We’re used to the Disney version of LGBTQ representation. The kind where about a month before a movie comes out, we see a flurry of articles published about how there will be a “gay character” in it - somehow always for the first time. And the character is always gay; nobody cares enough to draw any distinctions within the community. All of human sexuality that isn’t purely straight is purely gay. *cue the eyerolls* And maybe the first time we got a little excited. (Probably not, but go with me here for a sec.) Maybe for Beauty and the Beast, we thought, “Oh, LeFou was kind of a fun character in the cartoon version. Maybe it’ll be cool to see him have a crush!” But always and inevitably, the “representation” is one of two equally hurtful things: 1) the character’s sexuality is bluntly on display, but it’s a source of ridicule for the person, and the audience is encouraged to laugh at it “with” the character (o hai, LeFou); or 2) the scene is less than two seconds long, or the character is unnamed, or the circumstances of the “representation” are such that they can easily be cut from the project for foreign audiences or swept under the rug in the minds of viewers who’d rather not admit that queer people exist (what up, Star Wars and Endgame?).

And that shit really fucking hurts. We’re told to shut up and be grateful, even enthusiastic that mainstream fiction media noticed we’re here at all. But we’re never main characters. Our stories are never told. This part of our identity is not only left unexplored; it is so exploited for woke points as to be made the single most defining thing about us. It’s offensive, over and over again, to have us included solely because of how we are different.

It fucking hurts.

Things are changing, slowly. We’re starting to get some deeper, three-dimensional representation in television and film. It’s not all starting out in 2005 on the same network that brought us 7th Heaven anymore. My niece is 14-years-old and out, and she will never remember a time when she had to scour the Internet to see queer versions of her favorite characters; she just has them. But all of us adults, well... chances are, our journeys have the potential to look a lot like Dean’s. We didn’t get to come out in high school. We didn’t let our younger selves think too hard about what we knew in our hearts would make us happy. It took us longer to arrive at a place of security and safety in order to be able to admit to ourselves and others who we are. Hell, the whole damn process of recognizing human sexuality is fluid might have taken us years!

Us queer adults - the ones who have been watching and loving Supernatural for longer than its younger audience - can now taste the possibility of seeing something that probably looks a lot like our very own romantic and personal experiences in Dean Winchester. We’ve been celebrating bi!Dean for years on our own, picking up the crumbs the writers give us and clutching them tightly, because what a gift it would be to see this good man, this hero as one of our own! And now... we’re so close to actually seeing it. On screen. For real and for sure.

These last two weeks have been incredibly difficult. We’re ecstatic! Wildly so! What other kind of reaction would we have to the writers allowing Castiel to admit these feelings we’ve all thought would only ever exist in our heads? But we are equally anxious, wary, and - quite frankly - battling hopelessness. Supernatural doesn’t have a great track record with these things. Everyone on Tumblr - even those that don’t watch this show - is well aware that this one is the master of queerbaiting. And then there’s Disney banging around in our skulls, a psychological trauma sounding again like an alarm. We’ve been burned so many times before, by other mainstream media and by Supernatural itself. It feels crazy to hope. I don’t know how many times I’ve watched the confession scene; I still can’t believe it’s real. A male-shaped main character said “I love you” to another male-shaped main character. It can’t be cut out and ignored, or brushed aside as platonic. It wasn’t a joke at the expense of queerness. It happened. It was big, and it was right there.

And now we are so, so close. Fuck.

That’s why if Supernatural doesn’t follow through and give us Dean and Cas unequivocally in love in the final 42 minutes of this beautiful, ridiculous, wonderful, preposterous, absolutely WILD show, it’ll just completely fucking break me. It will be the worst kind of tease, the deepest cut buried in the briniest salt. If they hadn’t given us Castiel’s confession, we’d have no expectations. But they did. And now, if they don’t deliver after all that’s been said and done...

...it will utterly shatter my fragile little bisexual heart into a million fucking pieces.

[legionofpotatoes]

I love your art, it is very detailed in a neat way. Was wondering how you got started making it as a source of income? How did you get your first paid work, I'd love some advice on how to get started, if that's ok

Thank you. Of course it's okay, although I doubt I have enough work experience in art to really delve into this. I only went full freelance this year, and had been juggling art as a side hobby until then. If you're still interested in my somewhat narrow perspective, and are okay with my long-winded rambles, I'll give it a shot:

So to answer your question fully, I'll describe how I started and move into personal advice and learnings later on. As a disclaimer, I am a white cishet dude in my late twenties with a moderate cocktail of mental illnesses, but overall I can pass for a functioning adult so a lot I have to say may come laced with privilege I cannot fully identify.

So uhh I began drawing in around 2012? I think? Maybe halfway through 2011? And I mostly made fanart for things I enjoyed and tried to branch out in communities that felt nourishing to my style and interests (I caught a bug for alt posters and enjoyed mainstream movies so I spent a long time on posterspy early on). There were a handful of opportunities that came from there but I could only accept a couple because of primary workplace commitments. Still, it showed that networking in a focused community was definitely a good place to start; I myself have huge trouble committing to social networks and really staying socially active, but I knew it was an essential ingredient in succeeding so I tried to make myself be involved in challenges and art support trains etc. as much as I could.

In parallel to all that I also ran a few third party online stores (redbubble, teepublic) for disposable income and would sometimes, if rarely, hit around $100-150 a month from those sources combined. It is a sort of thing that requires helper accounts on other social media sites to promote it on, because the stores themselves have a huge volume of content that translates into low organic discoverability. Obviously it was never gonna be the way towards financial independence through art, and with community projects being few and far between, I opened private commissions in around uhhh 2017 I think, focusing on offering a few styles I knew I could do well, and sometimes operating in individual fandoms (it was mostly a bioware thing to be frank). But I had to close them back down after a year or so, again because of work-life conflict and how badly it was burning me out. The reason I kept trying to monetize this hobby is because I honestly hated what I did for my main job and wanted to see a way out in some shape or form in the future.

And then in 2020 I had to quit my main job altogether because of *gestures at pandemic* and deal with a mental breakdown from all the wonderful things it did to us and me specifically. I took a short break and decided to give art a shot full-time, and that was around May this year. I was planning on opening up commissions again (and I still am), but a few sudden opportunities that fell in my lap moved that timetable down and now I'm grateful to even be doing something I am getting adequately paid for.

So, with that somewhat limited perspective, here's what I've learned that I'd tell myself if I was just starting out:

1. Being a fan of something can be a shortcut towards effective networking kickoffs. Which are important evidently. If you love something and enjoy making content for it, join communities, settle into a combination of social media websites that feel right for those interests + your body of work + your inner rhythm, and try to play to content discovery as much as your mental health allows you to. Like I said, I know that I myself am incredibly bad at self-motivating to talk to people, so I found that synergizing common interests into fanart - which I enjoyed making anyway - could be a way to give myself a gentle nudge forward and build those bridges leading to community activities, which then net experience and coverage. Sometimes even freelance projects from official avenues. Again; picking the right spaces for what you're after is key. Companies roam twitter, concept art recruiters scour artstation or linkedin etc, instagram can land you private commissions and collab opportunities, so on and so forth. Find your niche and try to kick up dust. However...

2. I do not believe that any social profile can replace a good portfolio. The thing that made an immediate difference to me this year was building a coherent, simple website with my best work front and center and a contact form on top. Every single opportunity I got came from that form (maybe via twitter or instagram initially, but always sealing the decision after going through the website), so I firmly believe that showcasing your skills and portfolio in a visually arresting and user-friendly way is a big priority. I had some reservations about tackling that task but fortunately I had help from a savvy life partner and we slapped it together via wordpress in less than a day. Twitter/whatever social media is prevalent in your target groups is definitely important to get the right eyes on your shit, yes, but those eyes will then look for a second stop where your work and rates are more clear and concise. Simplicity is key imo, I cannot overstate this. So make a cute, simple portfolio!

3. Your skills and rates will grow and change as you do. Let them. Over the years I built several lasting professional relationships from my obsession over mass effect and kept getting opportunities both from bioware and their partner companies, some small and some a bit bigger. A one-off job earlier this year opened an unexpected door to another much larger commitment, and then the work I did there brought some attention from small businesses looking for commercial commissions. These were all incredibly different projects in terms of scope and budget, and I've been tackling them all on a case-by-case basis and slowly coming into my own irt my needs, rates, and SOW thresholds. It is still a work in progress (and a LOT of literal work as well), and very much a thing I struggle with in publicly marketing, which is why I felt a tad underqualified to answer your question in the first place (obviously I did not let that stop me). But what it means for me now is that I am rapidly developing into whatever my "version" of a functioning freelance artist is, and when the conditions for that guy are met, I need to be able to confidently plant myself and operate from that space despite past precedents. Do not let anyone bully you into downpricing what you yourself perceive as legitimate products of personal growth and development. Speaking of which...

4. The shitty challenge of turning envy into inspiration, and paddling outside your comfort zones in full riot gear. it is hard, but realizing that being a miserable, self-hating artist in my early days got me nothing but more misery back was the first real step I took and what truly blew the hinges off. I was just not pleasant to be around, I would badmouth my work all the time, and it all somehow made sense in my broken mind because the validation I sought was purely external and the way I sought it was through eliciting sympathy via self-victimization (even when I made something objectively nice). It all led fucking nowhere. Except perhaps to my own narcissism that I one day managed to identify and start managing. So I started looking at things that made me seethe with envy and calmly deconstruct and figure out their inner workings instead, do studies, and find nuggets of inspiration or discover new ways to approach rendering or building up specific elements. It was an application of analytical diligence to what I wanted to be a purely emotional, esoteric workflow, but that I deep down knew wasn't. Art is a discipline and a skill, and maybe it isn't a straight line, but you gotta find some line to thread nevertheless. Being self-hating was almost an identity I had to break out of, and despite it still being like, 4-5% there? I realize its cause and effect on me, my work, and those around me, so it is with a conscious choice that I gently set it aside when I work and especially when I learn. It won't always stay quiet, but the effort is the difference. Your doors towards accepting true growth and venturing into uncharted territories, art styles, and networking will really open from there. But there's a huge caveat...

5. Toolsets, accessibility, privilege, and all the good things that enable artistic expression and profitability are not given equal to all. you might do all the mental work I mentioned to be ready to rock and roll and learn and draw your way out of anything, but digital art is a fucking money pit that asks almost too much at times. I don't got a good case study here but identifying and ensuring accessibility to the tools you need to do your best work is, like, super important. The ergonomics can improve as you make money and settle into the job, but the basics have to be made available to you. And some of that might not even be under your direct control. That can be anything from pen tablets to software subscriptions to opportunities in hiring sullied by sexism or what have you. You gotta navigate all that through careful networking and money/time management. I don't do a good job of devoting specific slices of time to work/study, and my primary clutch is iPad software which went from a good deal to a nightmare scenario over the years. So all I can say here is do what I didn't; network, invest in a PC/tablet, and pick a software you'll learn that won't burn a hole in your pocket.

6. Be nice to work with? This one is hard to articulate and has landed my own ass in hot water in my early years because of how socially inept I am, but nothing is more worthwhile than being.. like. a good person to work with. That can be anything like meeting deadlines, or sometimes missing them but eloquently articulating why, being generous in early stages, being communicable and not too wordy in your emails, having a good grasp on abstract artistic concepts and how to describe them in simple terms, having a clear, laid out framework of your working rates in commercial and non-commercial projects and sticking to those guns with grace, understanding when you need to say no and saying it well, the works. Just being nice. Sometimes that might mean going headstrong with something you believe in, or simmering down and sucking up to the big man, all relative and adaptive. Part and parcel of the service provision dance that we all have to do in order to make bank. Know your lines here, obviously, and don't like. work for nazis. or uh.. *shudders* exposure. but be nice and empathetic and communicable and word will travel eventually. Skill may be in abundance these days, but good people are most certainly not, and capitalism has a way of bubbling up scarcity. Grim, but uh, them's the breaks.

I know I'm ultimately telling you to like. Have a body of work, make a portfolio, grow, and network. But that's really how I see it for now. And being nice can be a cherry on top that sets you apart, along with the inherent irreplaceable voice of your artwork. I think I rambled on enough, but if there is something specific you need my help with, even if you want to come off anon and talk in private, please feel free.

[sophi-s]

Cost of Kindness

Chapter III: Between joy and sorrow

By: sophi-s

Fandom: Darksiders video games

Words: 7,405

Characters: Raphael, Darksiders OC

Warnings: None

Summary:

After a crazy adventure outside of Haven, Nicola finally is in shape to try and find her way back. As sad as she is about it, she bids her farewells to her new angel friend. However, it seems Raphael isn't quite ready to say goodbye just yet. And so the fearful human finds herself in the company of an archangel stuck to her like glue.

--------------------------------------------------

Until the sun peered shyly from behind the horizon to announce the arrival of another dawn, Nicola slept like a log. Literally. She hadn't stirred throughout the whole time of her dreamless, magically induced sleep. Were it not for her steady breathing, because as pale and motionless as she was, some might have thought her dead, not sleeping. After long hours, she finally opened her eyes as the remnants of the arcane haze fell and left her mind unshackled. The fog receded from her sight and she was fully expecting the ceiling of the room she occupied in Haven to greet her. Only to be met with disappointment when the dark interior of an underground tunnel filled her vision instead.

For a couple of seconds she was absolutely stunned, unsure where she was or why. The shock of waking up in a strange place had her frozen while her brain was trying to process what in the actual Hell was happening like when she awoke after her first night spent in the Maker Tree. Slowly, the memories of the recent events creeped back into her head. Raphael. Kitten. Demons. My leg… Right… She did feel much better than before but still a little woozy, possibly because half of her brain wasn't fully awake just yet. Massaging her eyelids to rub away the vestiges of sleep, Nicola sat up and scrutinized her surroundings blinking groggily. The same, damp sewer, the same cold darkness. Yawn, which followed, was so wide one might think Nicola intended to swallow everything in this "room".

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the aforementioned angel sitting a couple of feet away, supporting his head on his hand, elbow on his knee while a small cat slept in the rumpled fabric of his green waistcoat. His hood concealed his features as his wings rested against his back and shoulders which steadily moved up and down in the rhythm of a calm breathing. For a moment it might have seemed Raphael was dozing as well but at the quietest move Nicola made, his wary eyes open to look at her without any traces of sleep in them, glimmering like two bright stars from the shadow the hood was casting over his face. It was so abrupt that it made her jump a little.

"Oh! H- hi! Good morning. If it is morning, I mean.."

At her greeting, the cat perked its head up with a "mrowf" noise and shot her a dirty look for daring to interrupt its rest before yawning almost as widely as she did. Raphael answered her with a nod and a small, affirmative sound in the back of his throat but otherwise remained quiet, content with watching her in silence when Nicola leaned down to inspect her thigh and determine whether or not she was in shape for walking anywhere. And to her not unpleasant surprise, the wound was almost fully healed and moving her leg wasn't painful anymore. She did feel the recently present damage to her muscle but she wouldn't call it "pain". More like strain. And that was in like seventy percent of her body from the previous day, even if not as intense as she expected it to be. She really did over exert herself quite a bit. Still, with all certainty she could say Raphael did an unbelievably good job. If only human doctors were in possession of even a teeny tiny part of the healing abilities he had, the world would've been a much safer place.

Though, she couldn't really decide whether the fact that her leg seemed to be perfectly fine was a good thing or not. On the one hand it would mean that nothing hindered her any longer. If the sun is really up then she should wait no longer and set out to make sure the nightfall doesn't catch her again and look for a way back home. Home… In spite of herself she smiled sadly. How quickly she started to refer to Haven as her second home. Her own was irreversibly lost after all.. Reduced to nothing but a grim rubble with all her childhood memories buried underneath. Nicholas died so that she may get out of there alive. He would love it in Haven if he had a chance to see it… In this last safe sanctum for her kind, other survivors, makers.. They were her new family. She could only imagine how they're feeling right now. She should've been back ages ago. She has to return as quickly as possible. The idea of asking Vulgrim for help wasn't completely off the table. She could probably promise him something in return for taking her to the Tree and give it to him later. Nicola can be pretty convincing if she has to but she wouldn't put that past Vulgrim to deny her still. She'd have to play it smart should she fail to find the way back herself. He doesn't trade in favors in exchange for promises after all. No matter. One way or another, she will get back to Haven. That, or she can say goodbye to her wretched life.

But on the other hand… Glancing up at Raphael, who was half-busying himself with petting the very content cat and half-watching her, she realised with a twinge that she'll have to leave him. In those few short hours he'd done so much for her.. so many things she was grateful for… And on top of that, with how sad and lonely he was, Nicola couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor man. She'd never met an angel before and hadn't come to know one well but those she'd seen when this nightmare started didn't make a good impression on her. Raphael was so much different from his kin. She still wasn't sure why he decided to help her even though he didn't have to. And that made her feel empathetic towards him, especially every time he gave her this suffering look which told her a long story of pain and misery. Nicola may have known him for barely a couple hours, if not less, but somehow the thought of leaving him here possibly never to see him again was making her heart sink. Because of the apocalypse, she was running really low on friends and so no one could blame her for wanting to keep every single one she had left or recently made. And honestly, after the angel saved her life and treated her wounds she would lie if she said he wasn't on the right path into the alarmingly small circle of people she held dear to her. Such experiences have a way of bringing people closer to one another, despite the differences they may possess. And besides, what would leaving him here be if not cruelty?

"You seem… troubled."

Raphael stated, making Nicola look at him again. Even after only a few hours spent with her, he sensed her current mood without a mistake. He was pretty insightful. Not that Nicola was trying overly hard to hide it but still. Maybe that's just something the angels do. She sighed in response. I really am.. She thought. It wasn't as though she didn't have a lot to be grim about but this particular thought at the forefront of her brain bothered her the most at this given moment. She didn't want to go just like that but she knew she had to. If only to make sure other guys are alright. But honestly she doubted that Ulthane would ever let her out of his sight again after the stunt she pulled, no matter what she tells him afterwards. In turn, this might be the last time she sees the kind and selfless, not all there angel. Whether she likes it or not, it was time to bid farewell.

"I… I wanted to thank you again for what you did for me."

She started as she stood up - still a bit wobbly from all the crazy stuff that happened so recently - looking around in search of her backpack and shotgun. Both were resting under a wall not far from where she was laid down before, right next to the place where the mummified Goreclaw used to be. Raphael must've moved it further down the sewer where the rest of the corpses were when she was sleeping. Sooner or later it would start attracting pesky flies and other nasty vermin if not things far worse, not to mention the smell of decomposing meat. A little reluctantly, she flung the backpack over her shoulder and picked up her gun before turning to face Raphael. An increasingly unsettled Raphael who seemed to have taken the hint what she intended to do.

"Really, thanks. It's been very nice to meet you. But I have to go now."

"Go? Where to?"

The barely audible note of fear in his voice and the look he gave her made Nicola feel even worse for having to part ways with him.

"I'm going.. home."

Nicola to some extent knew how to read certain people but the blank stare of the angel before her was giving her a really hard time.

"Look, I can't stay here and I'm sorry but I have to go.."

She said hesitantly and turned towards the exit from the tunnel to leave for the surface, quietly wishing she didn't suck at saying her goodbyes. This was one of her greater weaknesses, right after small animals. Especially cats.

"Goodbye. And good luck! I hope we'll meet again.."

With that short farewell, Nicola turned away to walk off into the sewer and begin her search for Haven. But a firm grip on her shoulder stopped her from taking more steps and made her glance back in bewilderment. Somehow, Raphael shifted from a sitting position to standing and closed the distance between himself and Nicola in one beat without producing a single sound. Not going to lie, it was quite scary and Nicola couldn't help a startled squeak that escaped her. But even though he spooked her yet again, the distressed face he pulled made Nicola bite her lower lip. And the hesitant plea leaving his mouth made it even worse.

"Stay…"

"I- I can't! I really need to go!"

"Please…?"

Raphael quietly begged her. His flared and bristled wings were quivering anxiously and his face bore the most pitiful pleading look she'd ever seen. God, why do you have to make this so difficult? It was strange. He'd been doing fine without Nicola for who knows how long. Well… fine might not be the right word to use in this case but whatever. Though, now that she thinks about it, it makes sense that he wouldn't want to be left alone again. Especially because loneliness doesn't serve healthy people well and Raphael looked like someone who could use the help of a specialist. Still, Nicola found herself asking.

"Why do you want me to stay?"

Instead of answering, Raphael glanced down from her face, looking at the point on her chest, just below her collarbone. Nicola awkwardly cleared her throat to get his attention once she felt like his gaze was going right through her mortal shell and piercing into her very core.

"Uhh.. What exactly are you thinking about?"

Not bothered by it, Raphael squinted and lifted his forefinger, extending it to the place he was looking at. And seriously, for a second Nicola was considering batting his hand away since it could without a doubt be viewed as invasion of personal space when the pad of his finger connected with her chest where it ended and her neck began. And in this moment white flash passed through Nicola's eyes, followed by a deathly chill somewhere inside, tearing into her heart from within with icy claws like a vicious beast. As though someone had poured freezing cold water into her body. And amidst this coldness was a tiny wisp of warmth pressed against her ribcage, as if it was trying to get out. To get as close to Raphael as possible. She gasped in shock and fear and from the unexpected and not physical pain - so intense it made her feel sick - which wasn't really… her own. She felt it, experienced it but she knew it wasn't hers. Somehow Nicola knew that it belonged to someone else. And this someone was standing right in front of her.

Slowly but surely, it was starting to make sense. Why Raphael was constantly so shaky, so easily frightened, so… wrong. It all lasted barely a fraction of a second before both she and Raphael abruptly backed away with astonishment painted across their faces. Neither of them was entirely sure what on God's green earth just happened or why it happened. Whatever it was, neither of them would say it felt pleasant. Nicola was fairing better than the angel however. While she was only mildly frightened and befuddled, he immediately retreated into the corner and curled up on the floor, wrapping himself up in a feathery cocoon of his wings, trembling like a leaf on a gale.

"Raphael..?"

She huffed trying to steady her own breathing as she cautiously approached him just when he started to mutter obscene nonsense again. This time Nicola couldn't even determine what exactly he was saying. He spoke way too quickly and he was only able to pick up single words like "torment", "soul" or "help". This odd sensation, this pain she felt was undoubtedly in him. All. The time. Every day of his existence. It became clear. Nicola could imagine that even she would sooner or later go absolutely mad if the suffering he's experiencing without a moment of rest was hers. It was nothing short of a miracle that he retained at least some small semblance of who he used to be. Ever since she came to him, he did start to make more sense than before, possibly because she could at least partially distract him from this pain. But if he needed distraction, why would he leave his White City behind? Angels may have been mean to her race but surely they would help out their brother in need, right?

All questions Nicola had most likely could be answered by a story of his past which he wasn't ready to reveal just yet. Perhaps, if she's careful enough, one day he will open up and tell her about it. But until then, she remained in darkness of uncertainty. Still, she couldn't help but wonder.. Carefully, she crouched and laid her hand on Raphael's shaking shoulder, making his head snap up with a fearful look to his round, empty glowing eyes.

"Who… who did this to you?"

The angel opened his mouth as if to answer her but no words came out. Only a soft huff. Tears welled up in Nicola's eyes when his face scrunched up in something between anguish and misery. And that was enough for her to snap. In spite of herself, Nicola reached around the angel's neck and pulled him into a tight hug burying her face into the side of his green hood which despite the stench surrounding everything here still held a barely noticeable scent of something that brought to mind clean cotton with a tint of vanilla. His entire body went rigid as she did but only for a moment. Merely seconds later, he relaxed, his breathing evened out and he moved his own arms around her back to return the embrace that brought a tiny bit of comfort that could at least partially fill the emptiness he felt within for so long he couldn't even remember how it is to not feel it.

"Don't leave me alone…"

He breathed against her ear, clinging to her desperately as if letting go of her would mean his inevitable end. Up this close, Nicola could feel his heart - much bigger and more powerful than her human one - hammering uneasily against his ribcage. Similar, but completely different. And for some reason, her own heart suddenly skipped and beat once alongside his in the exact same rhythm before everything returned to normal. Or maybe she was just imagining things? Possibly…

This warm and tight embrace, even though it was meant to comfort him, still gave Nicola an odd feeling of safety. All of the sudden Raphael seemed to her not like a stranger she met by chance not even a day ago but like a good, old friend she knew she can trust no matter what. The decision of leaving Raphael behind was difficult enough before but now… her heart fell to pieces. It was next to impossible. She couldn't just leave him like this. He doesn't deserve to be abandoned again. No one does.

What do I do? Nicola knew she could neither stay with him, nor can she return to Haven without risking that her conscience would make her feel shitty for the rest of her goddamned days and that a thought that she doomed some poor soul to descend into utter insanity would make her share his fate. But there has to be something she can do.. Anything.. Then, an epiphany struck her.

"Wait.."

She said once Raphael let her go and she could look him in the eye as he gave her a questioning yet hopeful stare.

"You could come with me!"

"Come with you..?"

"Yeah! The Tree is much safer than here and there's a lot of useful stuff there. Also, it doesn't stink that much…"

Not only that. Other survivors, even as skeptical as they are towards angels, surely wouldn't mind Raphael poking around. Having a skilled healer on their side would certainly change their mind even if they weren't eager to let him stay. Ulthane, Elanya and Yarin can be persuaded if they don't agree at first. After all, if Raphael's presence will mean that "wee uns' " are even safer, then Nicola couldn't think of a reason why they shouldn't relent. Not to mention that Raphael can fly. It would make it a child's play to find the Tree. Back in Haven she could also get the poor angel patched up and cleaned up a bit, since he himself is in a rather sorry state. That's the least she could do for him in return. Only one thing was left to do, considering how uncertain Raphael looked. Convince him.

"What is this… Tree?"

"This is a safe place for us, humans, and it's… kinda our new home now."

Before, Nicola was absolutely certain Raphael's eyes couldn't turn bigger and rounder but he was very quick to prove her wrong. Not to lie, it was quite impressive. He blinked a couple of times as if to make sure he heard it right.

" 'Us' ? There is… more of you out there..?"

Nicola nods enthusiastically once she realises she's on the right path.

"Yeah! Ulthane made us a safe place to-"

"Ulthane?"

He interrupted with confusion on his face, making Nicola stop in mid sentence to look at him questioningly.

"Ulthane… the Black Hammer?"

"Yes, he's a-.. Wait… you know him?"

Humming thoughtfully, Raphael drummed his fingers against the cold floor. His answer didn't clarify much however.

"No.. Azrael does.."

"Who?"

An angel most likely. Probably one of Raphael's former acquaintances. Mentioning this "Azrael" seemed to have brought some memories back, very fond ones at that since for the first time today, a ghost of a smile passed across Raphael's face and an absent look in his eyes turned warmer and not so frightened anymore.

"Friend.."

Seriously, for a moment Nicola wanted to say that she's sorry because she just assumed that Raphael's friend could be dead but she bit her tongue before she could tell him that when she realised he actually used the present tense and not past. Which indicates that Azrael, whoever he is, is still out there somewhere. Instead, she wanted to tell him more about Haven but he once again interrupted her.

"The Balance is upset.. the Third Kingdom is vital to it… Humans. Humans live still? Not everything is lost then.."

Oh boy, here we go again. Unwittingly, Nicola pulled an annoyed face. For the umpteenth time, Raphael unintentionally made her feel like an uneducated imbecile. Why is the Universe even more complicated than we initially thought?

"Yes, he does the right thing.. They need a protector."

Nicola decided to patiently wait until Raphael is finished thinking out loud, even though she once again had no clue what he's saying. What Balance? Third Kingdom? The what?

"The Horsemen cannot do this alone… It is the duty of us all… to- to uphold the Balance."

The WHO??? Nicola could only imagine how stupid she looked with that dumb face she just made. What. The actual fuck. The Horsemen? As in… the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? They are real too? So it is a legit end of the world like the one in the Bible! How lovely! It's honestly a miracle that anyone has lived if that's the case. What else? Maybe it will suddenly turn out that snow is warm, sun is cold and skunks don't stink. Though with all the chaos going on around, Nicola would hardly be surprised if dogs suddenly started chirping and birds barking. She really just wished for the things to calm down already.. Returning to normal seemed to be off the table unfortunately but for God's sake, can the demons at least just go home or something? But… Now that she thinks about it… Could the mysterious warrior clad in crimson be one of the infamous Four? He didn't look like an angel, even though he bore quite a few similarities to Heaven's denizens, nor did he seem purely demonic in nature. And he was there when the Apocalypse began.. Curious. Especially because if it wasn't for his interference, Nicola would have probably been dead by now. All he did was stop for just a second to tear the bus door out once he saw her struggling to open it from the inside. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't, who knows? Eventually, Raphael glanced at her with a more certain look on his face.

"You don't stand a chance. Not against the Destroyer."

Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.. Nicola thought, still having the clear image of the flaming dragon standing barely fifteen feet away from where she was hiding in her head as if it happened yesterday. He was terrifying, no one is taking this away from him, but screw that! That's one gigantic motherfucker. Nicola was pretty sure she could comfortably live in a room that was the size of his goddamned head. If he tried to eat her, she'd probably get stuck between his teeth at best. And so far that's the last place she wanted to find herself in. She really didn't need help in figuring out that a bunch of humans still shitting their pants at the sight of a single Wicked could stand up to the bloody Destroyer. What are they, the legendary dragon-slaying knights or something? Not to be pessimistic or anything.. but Nicola wouldn't be surprised if that thing could kill her by so much as breathing in her direction. He does breathe fire after all. It goes without saying that he also has a huge horde of ugly assholes under his whim, jumping at the tiniest flick of his tail. So yeah. Chances for success in an open confrontation are pretty miniscule. Fortunately, what Raphael said next made her sigh with relief.

"You need all the help you can get… I will come. If this is your wish…"

Victory! Now that was the solid dose of serotonin Nicola had been missing for quite some time. Not only can she return home and assure her strange little family that she's alright but also she doesn't have to leave her newfound friend behind. Her conscience will stay clean, Raphael will be safe in Haven, maybe even recover to some extent, and the humans will have a powerful angel healer on their side. To her it was a win-win.

"You will?! That's awesome, thanks!"

Nicola was quick to gather her humble possessions and waited for Raphael to get up and take whatever he needed. But surprisingly, all he took was the kitten which he held against his chest since it wasn't really pleased about being manhandled but the angel simply ran his finger through the fur on its head to put it back to sleep again before depositing it to a small knapsack he had on his belt where it could rest safely. Apparently, he wasn't attached to anything he stored in his hideout over the time he spent here. Well, there weren't many useful things to take anyway. At least that's what Nicola thought before, because Raphael leaned over one of the bigger crates and reached for something apparently hidden behind it. And oh boy, the thing he pulled out… An ornate, gilded staff, as tall as Nicola is. The centerpiece was flanked by two slender serpents coiling around it in a beautiful, symmetrical way to the very top crowned by a pair of wings and a ring between them.

"Whoa…"

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hide her amazement. That was some sick looking staff. The design seemed to ring a bell but she couldn't quite tell where exactly. Unlike Raphael himself, the staff was well kept, clean and undamaged, even if a bit tarnished. Apparently in his solitude, the angel cared for it well and often. For this last piece of home he has, Nicola realised with a pang of sadness. Even in his fond expression she could see the attachment to this one small part of his past. Okay, maybe not that small… Once Raphael was ready and glanced at Nicola to confirm it, she nodded and walked off into the dark tunnel with the angel trailing after her like a duckling.

"Oh, and by the way…"

Considering what Nicola had seen before, she figured it would be best to warn Raphael about some of Haven's denizens. Well.. by some she specifically meant Vulgrim. Despite his queer way of being and shiftiness, Nicola still somewhat liked him. The demon merchant was hardly a good material for a friend but so far he proved only two things to her. That he can be cunning and annoying. And that he's unbelievably helpful. And in truth, Nicola couldn't help but grow a little fond of her exceptional neighbour. Especially because Vulgrim was the only demon so far that didn't try to kill her where she stood but instead engaged in a conversation. That might be because he's just scared of Ulthane but he seemed rather harmless. Hell, he even sometimes provided useful resources if Haven could afford a trade with him. In a way, he too was helping humans survive. But if he suddenly jumped out of that Serpent Hole of his… Nicola could already see Raphael blasting the demon into Oblivion without a second thought. And that was something she didn't want to happen. Better safe than sorry.

"There's this… guy sometimes swinging by to say hello to us.."

Even as she spoke, she didn't stop walking and the quiet tapping of the end of the staff against the floor told her that Raphael kept following. How do I explain to an angel that a demon means no harm?

"The name's Vulgrim. He's a little… Ugh, how do I put it?"

"A demon… Crafty fiend, far more powerful than he lets on. Yet, so… deceivingly docile.."

Nicola halts as though she's just come face first into an invisible barrier once she heard Raphael grumble distastefully to himself. Turning around, she gawked at him with non hidden shock. And while she expected anger or at least disgust, Raphael looked rather… resigned for the lack of a better term. And only ever so slightly annoyed.

"You know Vulgrim?"

That literally came out of nowhere. The description of Vulgrim Raphael just gave was so unbelievably accurate. Nicola already suspected that the demon is much more dangerous than he seems but simply refuses to put his power to use and do something constructive with it. And now she got a confirmation. From a very unlikely source but still. Raphael was quick to offer a clarification and answered her question with his own.

"Who doesn't?"

"Ah, that's fair.."

She chuckled. Vulgrim is that kind of a "person", who seems to know everyone and has been to pretty much everywhere. He offers his merchandise to every creature that can afford it and it shouldn't be that surprising that some people, even angels like Raphael know him, or at least know of him. She suspected the latter part in this case. This makes it much easier to explain to Raphael that he's a friend.

"He's cool though! He's helping us keep it together and doesn't really bother anyone in the Tree. Vulgrim is really helpful if he wants to."

To this, Raphael answered with a doubtfully raised eyebrow and a thoughtful hum. He didn't seem convinced but what he said fully satisfied Nicola.

"Hmmmm… so I was told.."

Before they even noticed, they were right below the well lid which was Nicola's original entrance to the sewer. And honestly? She was so glad that she decided to come down here. Otherwise, she wouldn't have met Raphael. Some part of her still dreads to wonder what would happen to him if she didn't find him. He was already at the brink of losing it but now it didn't seem as bad as before. In a way, Nicola saved him too, it seems. Before, he was barely registering what was happening around. Now he was more or less capable of a relatively normal conversation. Sure, he tended to talk to himself quite a lot but she supposed that the solitude and whatever nightmares he'd been through have taken their toll. Climbing up the ladder, Nicola pushed the lid out of the pavement and immediately the golden light of the new day spilled through it, banishing the darkness and ouch, it hurt her poor eyes.

Even though Nicola wasn't in utter blackness all the time thanks to the arcane wisp of light that followed Raphael everywhere whenever he needed it, the bright pillar of sunlight struck her like a physical force, leaving her mostly blind for a good ten seconds. Still, another breath of fresh air tasted like ambrosia to her. No stench of the sewer and rotting meat. Thank God.. It took only a few seconds afterwards for her sight to get used to the brightness but still she needed a moment to wipe the tears from her eyes. Before she exited the sewer however, a quiet hiss behind her made her stop.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw Raphael recoiling from the light with his eyes squeezed tightly shut and a grimace on his face, shielding himself from the radiance with his left wing. Right.. How long he'd spent down there, Nicola could only guess but she could understand how dizzy it might've made him and how much it burned his darkness-adjusted eyes. More than that, to him the sunlight probably felt like it does to a goddamn vampire.

"Raphael? You okay?"

The angel didn't answer her, simply kept still, slowly lowering his wing to look at the light flowing through the opened way out, blinking rapidly so that his eyes adjusted to it quicker. And once they did.. Without a word, he hesitantly reached out towards the bright sun rays and put his bandaged hand right through the border where the light and dark clashed with one another. And immediately, once the warm glow caressed his skin, his face brightened in mute fascination. The fact that he hadn't seen the daylight for way too long became ever so apparent to Nicola and made something twist inside of her sadly.

"The sun…"

Raphael breathed and let his mouth form a wide grin once he fully entered the illuminated area and turned his face up with his eyes closed to soak it in.

"Blessed Creator, I missed it.. oh how I missed it…"

It took less than a second for Nicola to decide that she's going to let him have that moment. They were in a rush, true, but she simply didn't have it in her to tell him to hurry. She didn't want to interrupt him because even with all the dust and grime on his emaciated face, for the first time since she'd met him, Raphael looked so unbelievably happy. Truly happy. Just because he could feel the warm light of the sun upon his skin. And with a full smile he underwent a sudden change. All fear left him, his features softened and Nicola would dare say that even as broken, mad and defeated, in this short moment he looked… beautiful. As an angel, which humans often imagined, should. Under all that dirt something was glistening from the surface of his skin under his eyes, on his cheeks and forehead, the sunlight painted warm streaks on his long, white hair that fluttered on the cool breeze from above. In spite of herself she smiled too. This look to him suited him far better than a sorrowful, troubled frown. She could already tell, she will be always trying her best to save this precious smile.

With a deep breath of fresh air, Raphael opened his eyes to look out at the clear sky in shades of delicate blue and… in a flash of gold accompanied by a quiet whizz disappeared. Nicola's jaw fell open. Her human mind will never stop getting surprised over the stuff like that. And even if it will, it's going to take a long time. Before she could even start wondering where the angel vanished to, a large silhouette blocked out the sun. Still a bit surprised, Nicola looked up right at Raphael's kind face and his outstretched hand as he offered her help in getting out of the stinking well. So he can teleport. Lucky bugger. To be frank, Nicola felt a small sting of jealousy. And while she expected him to simply let her hold onto him as she pulled herself out, he hoisted her up in one fluid motion and set her on the pavement beside him the moment she took his hand.

The odd angel kept surprising her. Despite his thin frame, he was quite strong. For human standards that is, she didn't know how his physical strength was viewed among his brethren. During the initial armageddon she caught glimpses of much more sturdy-looking angels after all. The memory actually made her wonder if Raphael knew that one angel she saw talking to the warrior in red. The one who got… brutally squashed by that gigantic fuck-off demon that nearly made her heart refuse to keep fighting out of pure horror before she booked it. At least she could only assume that he got squashed because as soon as she saw the hand shoot out from the pit of boiling magma below she averted her eyes not to look at it and all she remembered now was a female voice desperately crying out a name she couldn't quite recall right now.

I'll ask him another time. She thought as he was pulling her out into the outside world. Still, the caution he did it with… Sighing inwardly, Nicola realised that Raphael already has something in common with her other bizarre friends. He too handled her as though one uncareful move could harm her and treated her as though she was made of porcelain. For quite some time Ulthane was afraid to even touch any of them not to break something and there were very few people in Haven who could resist poking a little fun at the maker. Oh well. Looks like it's a privilege that last members of the human race get. Everything is either super gentle with you or is trying to ruthlessly murder you. Nothing in between so far. Only Vulgrim seemed to be mostly neutral towards them but that was one exception.

Outside of the sewer the day was unusually warm. The sun was shining down at the crumbling Earth from a clear sky, no clouds hindered its rays and the air movement was a bare minimum. Nicola didn't wait long before unzipping her vest. Cooking inside of it was the last thing she fancied right now. Judging by how high the sun already was, she'd say it was far past the morning hours. Actually, maybe even somewhere around midday. Looking down at her watch confirmed that she guessed it right since it showed the exact time of

11:56 A.M.

Now's the high time she started looking for a way back. She walked over to one of the tallest buildings nearby to search for a suitable vantage point - careful this time, not to get jumped by some asshole again - and glanced back to see if Raphael was still following her. And in agreement to what he'd accidentally shared with her back in his hideout, Nicola has taken a note that he's.. limping. He was leaning on his ornate staff heavily and his eyebrows were furrowing with each step he took but his eyes were quickly shifting between all directions of his surroundings, always on watch for a threat. Still, there was an ever-present weariness to his pace. To put it simply, Raphael looked tired and moved with difficulty, as though he was in constant pain. In a way, he was.. But somehow Nicola knew it wasn't really the same pain one feels when getting injured or ill. This was something… else.

Nicola decided maybe she will ask him about it later, once they're safe. Maybe. They had to find Haven before the sun sets after all. No time to waste. Though… she didn't really know how to approach the matter. Raphael had done so much for her already. Asking him for help and a lift made Nicola feel incredibly awkward. Especially because she wasn't quite sure if asking an angel to fly her somewhere was considered rude by his people. But it had to be done. Otherwise, they might not make it on time.

"Hey.. Raphael? I forgot to say that but… there's a little problem.."

"A problem..?"

Raphael cocked his head to the side as he looked down at the small human woman wringing her hands nervously. Why was she nervous? The archangel could no longer sense or even see fear in her, yet something was still wrong. For some reason she was feeling uncomfortable, whether it was his presence or something she was about to say.

Why should she ever trust you? Your kind destroyed her life!

And that was unfortunately the truth. Half of it at least. Demons too had their part in it. Raphael knew he holds no ill intentions towards her or her kin hiding from the Apocalypse in the Tree she kept talking about but something told him that Nicola is still afraid of him. She just doesn't know it yet.

"I'm not entirely sure where we need to go.. I got… a little lost..?"

Ah. So that's the problem. Honestly, Raphael was half-expecting something truly horrendous but if being lost is the only problem they have - for now that is - then there's nothing to worry about. The directions to the safe place are surely buried in her mind somewhere, accessible and possible to dig out. All she needed was a gentle nudge in the right direction. And if that doesn't work, Raphael can always try to search through her memories himself if she won't have a problem with that. Though, considering how fragile humans are, both physically and mentally, Raphael didn't want to risk irreparably damaging her mind that way. This was the last resort. Instead, he reached out to her and laid his hand on her shoulder, summoning his magic to take both of them to the top of the crumbling block of flats looming over them.

"Wh- whoa! Hoo.. lee!"

Nicola loudly exclaimed to make her astonishment apparent once they reappeared on the rooftop high above the destroyed city. Raphael could only imagine how odd teleportation must feel to a human who's absolutely devoid of any magical abilities and not used to it being used around them.

"Will this help?"

Shrugging off the surprise, the human walked up to the ledge, so close it made Raphael feel mildly uncomfortable, and looked out at her ruined home bathed in daylight. Squinting at the sun and shielding her eyes from its shine, Nicola looked around, murmuring under her breath

"Gimme a second.. The cathedral is there, the shopping mall there… So the Tree should be somewhere around-…"

She tapped her chin thoughtfully for a moment before she turned to her left and her face immediately brightened as she pointed into the distance.

"There! Look!"

Glancing towards the place Nicola was pointing out, Raphael could barely make out a massive shape between ruined buildings. It really did look like a grand tree. An enormous shadow standing tall above the ground. And Nicola was pretty much vibrating with ecstasy and shifting on her feet like a small child impatiently waiting for something amazing to happen and beaming.

"It's right there! We did it!"

She squealed like an excited child as well. But Raphael knew it might be too early for celebration. That was quite a long way… How she even got from there to here anyway, he may never find out. What's more important, if Nicola wanted to make it all the way back there, it might take her a whole day if not longer and each minute spent out in the open means that demons have a bigger chance of discovering her and putting an end to her existence. And that Raphael couldn't allow. Every human that survived counts. He could see why she asked him to come with her and he decided he won't fail her. He won't fail anyone ever again. The faster they leave, the better. Turning to the excited woman standing beside him, the archangel unfolded his arms and crouched.

"Hold on to me…"

Nicola's mood shifted instantly. Sometimes it was kind of disturbing how humans can turn from happy to sad, angry to calm, excited to apprehensive and vice versa in the matter of seconds. Her eyebrows wandered up as she eyed him cautiously.

"Huh? You want to-..."

In response, Raphael gave her the most reassuring smile he was capable of despite the coldness of his tattered soul feeling especially troublesome today after he unwittingly created some sort of a link with Nicola. Or maybe not as much with her, as with the bright, heavenly spark inside of her. By all means, the flash of blinding pain, as intense as the day he tore out the first fragment of his being and multiplied by the amount of times he repeated this, was not a pleasant experience. The memory still lingered at the back of his head but he tried anyway.

"Trust.."

He simply said, making Nicola swallow and smile nervously, half-heartedly joking

"O- okay. Just don't drop me, alright?"

“Of course..”

She uncertainly conceded and wrapped her arms around Raphael's neck for the second time this day, holding on so tightly that for a human it would surely be excruciating. No wonder. A human doesn't need to fall from a very high place to get themself killed or at least crippled for the rest of their life. But Raphael had no intention of letting her fall. Putting his free arm around her, holding her securely against his chest, the archangel unfolded his grand wings. The soft breeze rolling above the city immediately caught in his feathers, calling and beckoning him into the vast skies. It's been way too long since his last flight. Luckily, it's an ability that once learned is never forgotten.

Raphael shot up into the air just as Nicola tightened her grip even more, holding on no worse than a koala bear. Not wasting any more time, he swept over the human city turned into a dreary graveyard, heading towards the Maker Tree and gladly leaving the sewers behind in favor of the brighter future opening up before him for the first time in centuries.

--------------------------------------------------

Listen, Raphael needs and deserves a hug, okay? For being a precious guy <3

Send over all the hugs for him 💓

EDIT: Gonna upload it on AO3 tomorrow

[warwaged-archive]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @theharellan ty so much! tagging: if you read this entire post I’m tagging you

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated 

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. Velanna is minor enough there isn’t a lot of talk about her either way (and I get it, given she’s a dlc character from Origins it’s understandable not as many people even know her), but I definitely see more dislike towards her than appreciation.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. Honestly do not know! I have seen Debates about her personality and actions, but I don’t recall seeing people comment on her looks.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. Not particularly as far as I’ve seen, though I haven’t seen people say she’s weak either. Tbf given her introduction has you investigating murders that no one seems to think were caused by a single person and she literally turns a forest against those who pass through it, I think it’s hard to deny she is strong, though.

Are they underrated?  YES! / NO / IDK. Like I said, there’s very little talk about her at all, and very little appreciation. Velanna deserves more love c’:

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO. She isn’t relevant for the story of any of the main games, given she isn’t even in any of them askdjfnskndf She is relevant to Awakening’s story, given she causes some trouble on the road to Amaranthine, and that’s how you meet her. You can kill her on that encounter, though, so for the rest of it she’s not essential (but killing her is boring guys why would you)

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. In a way, since she’s causing some of the problems the Warden-Commander has to solve. Other than that, it truly depends on how you play it.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. Nope. Just a Dalish gal who became a Grey Warden.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. I lean towards neutral because Velanna isn’t a widely discussed character either way, but I would say it leans towards bad. Many people dislike her actions, and many more dislike her for her harsh ways towards the PC in the beginning (a non-dalish PC, that is). Velanna is very opinionated and angry and a lot of people seem to think that makes her annoying. A bad take imo but I think that’s pretty obvious dkfasndkfjanskdfjn

How strictly do you follow canon?  — For the most part I follow it, only expanding it for what we haven’t seen and filling the blanks. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  I don’t know how to sell her to others so I will just talk a bit about what made her interesting to me. When you meet her, she’s so angry she’s been terrorizing the road and nearby villages so much people don’t even know what (what, not who) is responsible for the bloodshed. If you don’t bother to get to know her, it’s easy to think she’s just the anger, but if you do, eventually you learn a lot that might not justify her actions but makes them understandable, and that she’s so much more than Angry™. Velanna cares so much! For the Dalish, and preserving their magic and culture; for her clan, in spite of the fact her sister was the only friend she ever had; for her Keeper, even though they parted on bad terms; for Seranni, even after she chooses to leave with the Darkspawn instead of leaving with her. She’s outspoken and a great defender of her people, but not in a blind or arrogant way, and not in a way that causes her to inherently resent humans (it’s not history that causes that, but her own experience with having humans act violent against her clan and prefer to destroy the land to drive them away than attempt peaceful coexistence). She’s not driven by personal retribution, but by a relentless pursuit of justice that indeed is twisted into something more akin to vengeance. She acts on anger but she learns to be better. She’s been an outcast all her life, well before becoming the only Dalish in her group of Wardens, and she learned to be harsh to defend herself. She’s not easy to love, but she’s capable of loving deeply, and her loyalty to those dear to her is unwavering. She can be harsh because she’s so used to keeping people away in self defense, even if she’s lonely, even if it’s clear all it takes to get past that is treating her with kindness and respect. Velanna has a good heart, but that doesn’t mean she’s only capable of good.

In game, her growth depends on the PC of course, but the way I see it (and write her) there is no reason why her connections to other characters, such as Sigrun and Nathaniel, wouldn’t be just as important for it. They allow her to see beyond her anger, to move past her resent, and to stop judging people as if they were all equally bad. She goes from someone terrorizing humans in a forest and nearby road to someone who selflessly stands to defend them, even should it cost her own life. She goes from joining the Wardens as a means to finding her sister to actually taking on the role and its duties, not just as in fighting the darkspawn, but in being a protector.

And the way she values history, but not just the actual facts, the tales and legends and culture, how she understands their place as something of great importance definitely helped a lot in endearing her to me. According to Velanna, "Stories connect us to our past. They shape a people in profound ways. Without them, we are lost.” and I think about that a lot you know? It really gets to me c’:

Also she’s an awesome powerful mage who could and has killed a man (uh many men actually) but who blushes and stutters if you call her pretty because what are compliments she is not prepared to deal with those

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  — Velanna killed people so she’s evil and deserves no forgiveness ever (which isn’t always similarly applied to other characters BUT ANYWAYS). She’s angry and mean towards the protagonist and because of that she’s not cool. She’s whining about the Dalish all the time too so she’s just annoying. Also I never tried to talk to her and often don’t even leave her alive after the Wending Wood. aidsnfkajsdnfkjn seriously though, I can see why people might not like her, as she isn’t made to be likable initially and you gotta get past that to get to the more interesting bits. Velanna is indeed very much tied to her Dalish background, as it is not only her culture and origin, but also a great motivator for her actions, and often even the means through which you get to know her, so if you’re not interested in the Dalish I guess she wouldn’t be an interesting character (but imo, it’s only natural her culture is so important to who she is, given her background and her own feelings about her people. she’s so proud of her heritage, even if being part of that people makes her a target for no other reason than prejudice. even then, she’s so proud of it and so ready to fight for and defend her people and speak and stand for them! I just love her a lot but ok I realize I should be talking about why people might not like her so let’s get back to that). She’s not funny, she’s not friendly, and she’s actually rather angry and outspoken, and I feel like that ends up pushing her to the more ‘controversial’ side instead of being part of the popular or likable characters.  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  Literally just played Awakening and ended up like OH I WANNA WRITE ONE OF THEM and I wasn’t sure about who. It wasn’t clear to me, at least, so I ended up thinking about them and at first I was like hm maybe Nathaniel, but it didn’t feel right even though he was the first one I thought I wanted to write. So I thought about Velanna, and the more I thought about her the more invested I became so I was like yeah that’s the one and added her here aksjdnfkjasndf

The first thing that got me really invested in her while playing was the conversation you have with her when you gift her the diary. I just really love her talking about the Dalish and preserving what they have and how important and meaningful stories are. That said, the moment I met her in the Wending Wood I immediately wanted to get to know her. 

I’m just a big fan of elves in case you guys haven’t noticed yet asksjnfsjkdnfkdjfn

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  replaying DA, but specially Awakening, Dragon Age content in general, discussing her with others (talking about my muses is always very helpful to me in that sense), and honestly, others being interested on her too. Discussions about the Dalish or headcanons or other people discussing Dragon Age and their respective characters also help my motivation too tbh! I’m always the slowest to answer to anything, but that’s just how I always am. Those are all things that keep my love for her alive, and thus great part of my inspiration for her.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / I TRY!

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF? when the inspiration hits I literally cannot shut up

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. I’m usually more about them 5 page headcanons and threads and ask answers than drabbles 

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO. she lives in my head rent free (as do most if not all of my muses tbh askdfnaksdf)

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF?

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Depends but not usually askndfkajs

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO / SORTA.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  Depends on what that criticism is and if I asked for it? aksjdfnkjfn I do ask about my portrayals sometimes, and in that case I’m open to constructive criticism --- if there’s something you think I could do better and you can explain why in a nice way, I’ll definitely listen (though I may disagree, so there’s that). But if it comes down to rudeness or ‘you’re not writing her like I think she is’ then well that’s not my problem, I write her how I understand and interpret her. 

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I LOVE THEM! Send me questions about my muses literally any time I absolutely love them!! 

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Depends, again. I’m not against discussing it, hearing what other people have to say and why they disagree (and if they say they disagree, I’d probably want to know why), but ultimately, again, it’s my portrayal so it might just be a case of seeing things differently. Like I said, I don’t mind discussing it, though. 

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  As to this, I just honestly expect people to act the same way I act when I disagree with someone’s portrayal, which is just moving on with my life and not interacting kasjafksdnfjk

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  Depends. They don’t have to like the character, but if it influences IC interactions or if it’s just people who hate a character getting off of bashing them through IC interactions even if it doesn’t make sense that’s a no for me. I don’t like seeing people hating on characters I love, but people are free to do post what they will. If there’s a tag and I can block it that’s fine by me, if it isn’t tagged I’m likely to unfollow.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  If it’s done politely I don’t mind. English is not my first language and learning about errors is a way to improve, to me.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  I think? For the most part? I do tend to get defensive over characters I love and asks that aren’t clear in tone and come across not so nicely (OOC asks, I mean), but other than that I think I’m pretty chill? Idk though you guys tell me aksnkajdsfnkjan

[inawickedlittletown]

Next To Me (1/6)

Summary: Buck and Eddie started off in different places but eventually they ended up in the same. Eventually, they ended up in love. 

Buck had never had a friend like Eddie before. Someone that burrowed under his skin and wrapped around him and became a part of him — like an extra limb, someone he couldn’t do without.

Ship: Buck/Eddie

Words: 4,199

Notes: This is far from my first fic, but it is my first fic in the 9-1-1/buddie fandom. I binged the first two seasons a few weeks ago and got caught up on the current season, read a few fics, and here we are. 

I wanted to write something that explores Buck and his past but also a realistic take on Buck/Eddie within the canon. As I wrote, I figured out that for it to work I would need to look at Eddie's past as well and so this fic was formed. 

Title comes from the Imagine Dragons song: Next To Me. 

Masterpost

Read on Ao3

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Chapter One

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The thing was that he always liked guys. Buck was an equal opportunity lover because people were people and a lot of people were hot. Girls were easier sometimes. A bit of smiling, some flirting, and most of them were welcoming him with open arms and Buck was not afraid of using anything at his disposal to close the deal. Even, on two occasions the ladder truck. Thinking back on that made him cringe. With guys there was always the awkward moment where Buck had to figure out if the guy that caught his eye was actually gay or bi. His gaydar was faulty at best. Worse, or equally as bad, when other guys looked at him they saw a straight guy. It was very rare for anyone to actually peg his sexuality before they got to know him. 

For a long time, Buck was all about the one-night stands. The quickies anywhere. Even sometimes in the view of other people. That was just easier. After all, it was his experience that the people he cared about always hurt him after some fashion of time. It happened with his parents, with his sister, with the boy he loved back when he was in high school, and perhaps even everyone that he considered giving a shot to. Keeping people at a distance was easier. 

Then, he became a fireman. 

His mother always wanted him to be a doctor or, if not that, a nurse like his sister. She had hopes that if it wasn’t a medical field that he do something that meant something. In other terms, she wanted him to have money and success. His father had probably cared at some point, but as early as the age of ten, Buck had known that his father didn’t like him. His parents should never have been parents. They were the kind of people that had kids because that was the next step after getting married and buying the house in the suburbs complete with the white picket fence.

If they had cared even a little, they might have bothered to be bothered when Buck announced that he was leaving Pennsylvania. His sister had been long gone since then to put up a fight. Buck had packed up his clothes and a few other odds and ends into his car — the one single thing he was taking that his parents had given him — and then he was on the road. It was only once he’d made into another state that he called Maddie to let her know his plans.  

“Hey, Mads,” he said. “So, I left home. Not sure where I’m going but I had to go.”

“Evan, oh my god. What—”

She only ever called him Evan when she was shocked or when she wanted to put a point across. After all, it was Maddie that first started calling him Buck since using Buckley felt weird considering it was her own last name and she didn’t like the name Evan. She had used it so widely that aside from their parents everyone knew him as Buck. 

“It was time. They were driving me crazy, Maddie. I just figured I’d let you know.”

There hadn’t been a plan when he left. Buck hadn’t even known he wanted to be a fireman, much less what he might do with himself. He picked up odd jobs on the road but never stayed long anywhere. He was nineteen and for the first time he felt free. Maddie called him every day, urging him to at least go to college. It didn’t matter where. She would even pay for it. He turned her down every time. The only thing he’d been remotely interested in was joining the Navy. The Navy Seals to be more accurate. It seemed sort of unattainable to him at first so he put it off to keep living the life of the free spirit. 

Back in Hershey, Buck had had a few friends. One of them was the boy he’d sort of but not really dated — the one that in the end turned out to be an asshole anyway. Most of the other friends had gone off to college but they kept in touch and if Buck happened to be near their schools if they’d gone out of state he went and visited. That was how he wound up catching up with Matt and meeting Matt’s new friends and joining them on a Spring Break trip to Mexico. 

When they all left to go back to school, Buck decided to stay behind. He managed to score a job at one of the bars and Mexico was just nice. The weather was gorgeous, the people were friendly — the locals more so than the tourists. There was also plenty of money to be made. Buck had taken Spanish in high school and it was enough to get by until he really started to pick up the language. The swear words came easy. 

It helped that Mexican girls and boys were not shy when it came to flirting with him and willing to teach him Spanish. He learned more than just Spanish during his stay. 

A full year went by before he noticed it. Buck stayed for another six months before a call from Maddie meant he actually had to go back home. She was getting married. 

It was somehow easier to face his parents and Maddie when he returned for her wedding. He didn’t like Doug much but Maddie was happy. It was possible their parents didn’t like Doug either but he was a doctor and they seemed like they were in love. Maddie was happy. 

Afterwards, Buck went back to Mexico and because he could, he travelled through Central America down into South America. He stuck mostly to the coast working at bars and restaurants  as well as other places and for seven months or so he just wandered. By then he was fluent in Spanish. He got back to Mexico eventually and then Maddie finally convinced him to go to school. She wanted him to at least have his Associate’s Degree. She worried about him. Then again, that was probably exactly what big sisters were supposed to do. 

“You can’t keep being some sort of vagabond with no home, Evan,” she said over a phone call.“There has to be something you want to do. Maybe school will help you figure it out and if not then you have a plan B to fall back on.”

Maddie had always been smart and Buck figured he’d listen to her. She was there with Doug and his parents when he graduated from Community College and Buck ignored her when she tried to push him to continue his education and instead, he spent some days with the family before leaving again and this time he was headed for California. 

Mexico had taught him that he liked nice weather and the West Coast seemed like the best option. He was far enough away from his parents and he and Maddie kept in touch. Emails and phone calls and texts. Eventually, though, they both just stopped trying. She was busy with her job and her new married life and Buck was content with his life. Buck wouldn’t lie and say that it didn’t hurt when she started to ignore him. 

California was different from Mexico and most other places. Buck rented a room and then found a job at a popular bar. His time in Mexico had given him skills with preparing drinks so he was hired after Buck showed off some of his skills. California was also where he felt the most alone. 

He had friends. Sort of. The kind of people you met up with at a bar from time to time. Not the kind you texted if you needed help or in an emergency. Drinking buddies, acquaintances met through his roommates. No one dependable and no one that would miss him if he disappeared. Not that Buck was even looking for real friends. The ones he’d had before from school all had their own lives and things going on and Buck didn’t think he even really missed them. 

Working at the bar also meant meeting a lot of different people. Buck hadn’t known it at first but a few celebrities stopped in from time to time. Mostly, though, the bar drew in other types. The creatives — producers and other executives looking to find their next big star. Some of them approached Buck. After a while he could tell why someone was looking at him from afar. Some of them were general looks of someone wanting him in their bed. Other times, it was the speculative look of someone that thought he looked like he would fit their next film. Buck turned them down every time. He didn’t turn down the girls or the guys hitting on him. 

It did bring along more trouble than it was worth. Buck was working in LA. He was a bartender without the stars in his eyes waiting for his big break, But everyone else around him — that was why they were there and the jealous looks thrown his way grew tiresome. 

Buck started looking for other jobs. None of them lasted more than a few months. 

He took a receptionist job at a gym for a little while. Then, he was a valet. Then, he tried and failed as a personal assistant. For a while he went back to bartending before he found himself working at a child care place. That was probably one of his favorite jobs. Buck loved kids. He loved the way they saw the world and how much the little things mattered and made them happy. Maddie told him he should be a teacher on the rare phone call they shared. 

Buck was considering the idea until he remembered that old dream of his. Joining the Navy Seals. It felt like the right time to revisit that idea. 

He lasted about five minutes. The training was horrible, worse than anything he’d ever gone through and yet somehow, Buck managed to do it. They didn’t even bother with you unless you were already at peak physical shape and even then the training was hard. He did everything right. His superiors thought he was good and Buck just kept pushing himself. 

He didn’t tell anyone what he was doing. By then contacting Maddie had gotten harder and harder. She didn’t call him back or respond to emails. Occasionally she texted but it gave him nothing. Buck stopped reaching out. He was all alone, so he buried himself in what he was doing. 

Bootcamp had seemed like the hardest part at first, but then came the real eye opener once he was in Pre-BUDS and it was made clear that he had to put his emotions in a box and lock them up tight. There was no room for that as a Navy Seal. Buck couldn’t do it. Even if he had wanted to, he was basically told he didn’t have it in him to be one. 

He left, just a bit dejected, certainly a little broken, and in the best shape of his life. The training had done something to change him — just a bit. But it didn’t mean that Buck knew what came next for him. Mostly, it meant that he appreciated things a little differently. Things like his emotions and his ability to care. It didn’t exactly stop him from picking up a gorgeous dark haired man a few days after the fact and falling apart under his touch in an unfamiliar bed. It also didn’t stop him from leaving the next morning knowing perfectly well that it was a one time thing. 

Afterwards he wandered around the country for a while like he’d done when he first left home. Maddie still didn’t answer calls or emails or texts but Buck wasn’t in any state of mind to let himself really worry. On Instagram she posted pictures of herself and Doug. Always smiling. She looked happy. When he left a comment, she never responded. 

Eventually, Buck made it back to California and the job at the childcare place welcomed him back. That was when it happened. One of the kids swallowed something and choked. Buck was the one to call 9-1-1 while one of his coworkers tried and failed to make the object fall out. The firefighters and paramedics arrived in minutes and Buck watched as they worked, getting the marble dislodged and checking the little boy over until they were satisfied he’d be okay.

The next time he was in an emergency was almost a year later. It was at the beach. It was late afternoon and the lifeguards were gone. Most people at the beach were staying on the sand, enjoying the late afternoon sun. A few kids kicked around water at the very shore. Then, they all heard shouting. A couple of teenagers were out in the water and one of them was caught in a riptide. Buck had been a lifeguard back when he was in high school, just a quick way to earn some money over the Summers and get to stare at pretty people. He wasn’t CPR certified anymore, but he knew what to do and there was no one else running to help them. So he ran, going in the water and swimming out to help, adrenaline rushing through him right up until the very end when he had the boy back on land and he was starting compressions. Others were trying to help and someone had called 9-1-1 but by the time they arrived the boy was already throwing up water and coughing as air finally made it into his lungs again. 

“You might have saved that boy, kid,” one of the paramedics said and touched his shoulder. “Good job.” 

“I — thanks,” Buck said. 

“You know, there’s always a need for first responders. We could use someone like you.”

And it was like a bell going off in his head. He’d never considered it before but it made sense. He wasted no time going for it. 

It was the best decision he ever made and maybe it was his experience with the Navy Seals or his sheer determination that made the entire process surprisingly easy. 

The written exam wasn’t hard at all and the CPAT was even easier. Buck was still in good shape from his Navy Seal training even a year later and everything they threw at him was not all that difficult. He could see some of the others straining but most of them had clearly prepared and were pushing themselves to do it. It was satisfying to be able to do it all. Even the psychological test turned out to be easy. 

He ended up at the fire academy really learning his stuff. A few months later he was a probationary firefighter and he was hired and assigned to an LA Firehouse. Fire Department Station 118. 

When he first joined the 118, it was just like any other job. Not in the sense that it was somewhere to work and somewhere to be but in that all the other firefighters saw him like everyone else always did. Some guy a little too cocky and a little too interested in literally anyone that crossed his path. That, after all, was something that didn’t change. Buck was still having sex. Lots of it and with anyone that seemed interested. 

Dating apps — or rather hookup apps — were sometimes the easiest way, but Buck still went out to bars to pick up a girl or a boy. He didn’t disclose his sexuality to anyone at work. He’d never had to before at the other places and it didn’t feel like something that he could just bring up not even when he found out that Hen was a lesbian with a wife and child. It was just that bisexuality came with a stigma and Buck was already not prone to labels. He also...well, he didn’t know how to talk about it and since it didn’t change who he was or how he did his job, Buck just kept it to himself.

For the first time in any job, though, he found people that he actually liked. Captain Nash in particular was someone he warmed up to quick. Enough so that he invited him to a Springsteen Concert a month into being a part of the 118. Buck felt comfortable with them and everyone welcomed him in maybe more so on a personal level than as a fellow firefighter. They all teased him about how much of a flirt he was. 

Buck hooked up with people all over town and somehow it was just a string of girls one after the other and none of them left an impression and Buck didn’t really care for or about them. It was like scratching an itch. 

It was once it started affecting his job that Buck started to think that it might be a problem. And he just had no idea why he was even so reckless and stupid especially when it was a job that he loved and possibly the happiest he’d been in ages. He shouldn’t have done anything to threaten that and yet something made him rebel. It made him thoughtless and when the girl he was talking to was offering to put out if he got to her within a certain amount of time — a near impossible task — it was a challenge he willingly took. He just drove off with the ladder truck and didn’t even consider how it might be a problem until he was back and he could see it on everyone’s faces that he’d screwed up. 

He did it again not a few days later, telling himself he was going to get away with it and that either way he’d still have one more warning to go before it became a real problem. By then, of course, Buck had it almost figured out. He had a problem. He self diagnosed as a sex addict. 

The thing was that he just wanted it all the time. With anyone. Mostly girls. Girls were somehow easier. Sometimes they were the very same girls that he met out on calls. Sometimes it was the girls that were impressed by his uniform. Chim was not wrong in saying that it made a difference and not just with women but with men too. He’d seen quite a few checking him out while on calls. 

Buck hadn’t actually expected for Cap to fire him. His whole world seemed to fall apart after that. 

Buck knew he was welcome on the team, but he also knew that they were all wary of him. He didn’t blame them. After all, they were all supposed to have each other’s backs and for that they needed to have trust and that didn’t come overnight. He needed to prove that they could trust him and Buck could admit even to himself that sometimes he rushed into things without thinking. It was lucky he had people around him that were experienced and knew better than him and that stopped him from making mistakes even if they also judged him for it. 

One thing that he noted almost immediately after getting assigned to the 118 was that everyone did seem to care about each other on a deeper level than co-workers. They were friends. They were family. Buck had never expected to be a part of that and yet there was a part in it all where he fit. The youngest firefighter of the house and possibly the most reckless...they all liked him even if they were still getting used to him out on calls. 

Buck loved his job. He loved the adrenaline and everything that came with saving a life. The first few calls had been nerve wracking and Buck hadn’t been fully prepared for what they were and yet he’d managed to jump in and help alongside everyone else. So being fired...having Captain Bobby Nash look at him that way...it felt like his life was being torn apart. Worse, after it happened he realized that it wasn’t just the job he loved, but everyone he had gotten to know there. Bobby, Hen, and Chimney especially stood out and he didn’t want to not see them every day.  

Getting a second chance when he thought he wouldn’t was eye opening. It made him change. He wanted to show them that he did deserve to be there and after a little while, he realized that they did know that. Bobby seemed to trust him more and the rest followed suit. Buck didn’t want to let any of them down. 

Unlike with anyone else he’d met since leaving Pennsylvania, Buck finally found people he could be himself with — be accepted by. Buck found himself sharing parts of himself with them — things that he’d always just kept to himself before. He told Bobby about the sex addiction thing and followed that up with talking to him about anything and everything because Bobby was just easy to tell things to and he didn’t judge Buck, either. He mostly seemed amused. He also tried to offer advice where he could. 

Before Buck knew it, he was part of the gang. One of them. They were more than co-workers. They became a pseudo family that he didn’t know he needed or wanted. Bobby was probably the one that Buck felt closest to — he saw the older man almost like a father...or at least what he had wished his father had been. 

Buck also found himself with a relationship. Abby was wonderful. Buck usually went for people his age or thereabouts so it was a little strange that Abby was seventeen years his senior. She just had such an amazing vibe about her and youthfulness that Buck loved. She was the first person in a long time to keep his interest even when they weren’t having sex. Abby changed him. Or maybe everyone did.

Having people that cared about him and that became his family...it made a difference. He didn’t need to fill a hole with meaningless sex. He had other outlets and other ways to express himself. Bobby had started teaching him to cook and Hen let him babysit from time to time — only when no one else was available. Chimney was hurt and recovered and came back and Buck appreciated life more after knowing he could have lost a dear friend. 

When Abby left, it was Chim and Hen that took him out for drinks and made it just a little better. Bobby and he had a talk about it the next day and it occurred to Buck that they were all trying to make sure he was okay and that they all thought he and Abby had broken up. 

In truth, looking back on it later, Buck supposed that a break up would have made more sense than how the next few months went with him living in her apartment convinced that one day she was going to just surprise him and be there waiting for him when he came home. It never happened. He’d sunk deep into denial about what Abby leaving really meant. 

He was kind of crushed by it in the months that followed her leaving. Work kept going and having something to do and to keep occupied with helped even if arriving back at Abby’s empty apartment always made his shoulders slump. 

Buck could tell that Chim and Hen were a bit surprised by how little interest he showed anyone else. It was as if they had been expecting Buck to just move on from Abby like he had with all those others and start picking girls up on calls again. Occasionally some of them did catch his eye — cute girls and boys alike. But Buck wasn’t that guy anymore. He’d been ready to settle down with Abby and he didn’t want to regress and use people like he had before. 

“You’re going to have to move on sometime, kid,” Chimney said one night while out at the bar.

“But, I don’t. Abby is coming back.”

Or maybe she wasn’t. Buck didn’t want to think about that. It was just that when they did get to talk that she never gave him any time frame. She sounded happy, though, and it was almost a relief to know that even if he wasn’t a part of making her happy even if it did leave him a bit bitter. Somehow, in spite of the whole Abby thing, Buck felt settled in his life and he had a new goal to achieve, getting chosen to be on the annual fireman calendar. 

Buck had started working out more specifically for it, focusing on a goal weight and goal percentage of fat on his body. Only one firefighter was chosen per station and Buck was going to be it. 

Then, Eddie Diaz showed up. And Buck hated him.   

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Next Chapter

Notes: The next chapter should be up in a few days once I tweak it a bit and will focus on Eddie's side of things. As of right now I am planning on this being 4 chapters long but that could still change. Let me know what you think of this first chapter. 

If anyone wants me to tag you in future chapters let me know. Thanks for reading. 

[daleisgreat]

Dale’s Top 41 Gaming Experiences of 2019

Happy 2020 everyone and thank you for joining me yet again for my yearly exhaustive look back at my ranked experiences of videogames from the prior year! For newer readers, that is where anything gaming related I played, read, watched or interacted with in any other fashion in 2019 (regardless if the game released in 2019 or not) is dissected and broke down in a way unlike your average videogame website top 10 list. Somehow these keep growing in length each year, and if you survived until the end and desire more than take a look at my past top ranked experience lists for these years: 2018 - 2017 - 2016 Just a forewarning this will be a lengthy read so make sure to ‘Control + D’ to bookmark this page or for you mobile readers I would be obliged if you queued it up on a ‘read later’ type app such as Pocket. Click or press here for this year’s recommended background reading music courtesy of the soothing, ambient beats from the OST for NeoCab! Since I do not anticipate anyone reading this in one go, I googled up HTML code for page anchors to make it intuitive to read this in parts for us time conscience folks, so here are some in-page bookmarks… Part 1 - Rankings 41 through 34 Part 2 - Rankings 33 through 26 Part 3 - Rankings 25 through 20 Part 4 - Rankings 19 through 15 Part 5 - Rankings 14 through 10 Part 6 - Rankings 9 through 5 Part 7 - Rankings 4 through 1 Enough dilly-dallying, let us kickoff the 2019 list with a couple not-so-desirable gaming experiences of the year… PART 1 - RANKINGS 41 THROUGH 34 41) The Spoiled Fruit that is Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz HD I loved the original Super Monkey Ball games on GameCube and Xbox! I missed out on the last original iteration that hit on the Wii launch, Banana Blitz and was ecstatic to hear that Sega was giving it the HD remaster treatment in 2019 on current systems! All I recall from when Banana Blitz originally released was that it forced in a lot of waggle/motion controls for the Wii and that they made the HD release more traditional controller friendly and took out mini-games that were exclusively centered around motion controls so I thought this would be an ideal way to play the game! I could not have been more wrong!

My favorite memories of the GCN/Xbox versions was getting four people to play the main adventure mode where everyone would take their turn with their own monkey ball and navigate them on progressively tougher stages (think classic Marble Madness). Once a player passes/fails a stage, it would be the next player’s turn and it would serve as a nice preview of the stage ahead and what to glom off of one player’s attempt to strategize for your upcoming turn. With up to four players it was a riot cheering and gasping at successful attempts and ridiculous fails and was always a great time….that is until Sega decided for Banana Blitz HD to make the primary adventure mode only playable for one player!!! I have no idea why they did this and am going to chalk it up to a ridiculous oversight! At least the party games are still multiplayer and the excellent Pilotwings-homage, ‘Monkey Target’ returns….but with only one map!?!? Add on top of this some unexpected jittery visuals that did not sit well with my friends and I and it lead to me apologizing for busting out this sorry version of Monkey Ball for a multiplayer game night! If you still have your past consoles hooked up I recommend Super Monkey Ball Deluxe for PS2/Xbox instead since it has all the stages and party games from both GCN games, exclusive content, more maps for ‘Monkey Target’ and multiplayer support for the primary adventure mode.

The long awaited return of the TFL/DGR/StH Game Show at MGC did not disappoint! 40) Midwest Gaming Class Weather Fail 2018 saw my return to the Milwaukee retro videogame convention, Midwest Gaming Classic, after missing the previous four. I had so much fun reconnecting with everyone and taking in the show at the incredibly spacious Wisconsin Center that I soon enough made reservations to make it down for the 2019 show. With the con transpiring in early April though there is always the chance of a late-season snow storm/blizzard hitting in the Midwest and that is exactly what happened and closed my local highways for nearly two days and I wound up missing out on the show. I did at least get to check out SupertheHardest’s panel where they livestreamed their Jeopardy-style game show that was an absolute joy to follow along with as hosts John and Dave tossed out random games to the contestants and an eager crowd! I do have reservations for MGC later this year in a few months, and I am hoping mother nature does not intervene two years in a row. 39) Metal Gear Solid-Quest Fail

Regular readers of this list may recall me trying to march through all the core Metal Gear Solid games. 2019 marked an off year in my MGS-quest as I took some time off from that feat. I keep kicking myself too, because I only have MGS5 left, and I got a few hours into it and was already getting a good grasp for it, but got distracted too much by getting wrapped up into Breath of the Wild and made the error of trying to play both of those games simultaneously, but eventually succumbing to the power of the Tri-Force and having Breath of the Wild dominate my game time! I promise to fix that for 2020 and made finishing MGS5 one of my few gaming goals for 2020! If I succeed at that I may attempt to take a stab at Revengeance and the original MSX games too. For what it is worth I did pick up the new Solid Snake amiibo that released in 2019, and the OST vinyl of the PSone original so there was a modicum of Metal Gear fandom I participated in. 38) Konami Making it a Win Speaking of Konami, yes, you read that title right, I am ever so cautiously marking 2019 the year Konami started to right the ship! For the last few years since they released MGS5, Konami has been lauded by gaming fans and media that it has been the company that has abandoned gaming because of their lucrative gym business on the side and have remained complacent only releasing their annual Pro Evolution Soccer games since. Things quietly started to change in 2017 when Konami surprised us with a new Bomberman game in time for the Switch launch. 2018 saw Konami release a HD update for their Zone of the Enders titles on PS4 along with some exclusive VR content and also port the Switch Bomberman game for Xbox One and PS4. 2018 also saw the release of the polarizing Metal Gear Survive. 2019 saw them up their ante even more with the release of three acclaimed digital anniversary collections for their arcade space shooters, along with ensembles of hit early entries from their Contra and Castlevania brands. To top it off, Konami got on the mini-console bandwagon by announcing the TurboGrafX/PC Engine-mini that will have over 50 games pre-loaded on it! Minus the stinker that is Contra: Rogue Corps and 2019 wound up an excellent year for Konami and hopefully a taste of what is in store for the years to come! 37) Retro-bit Controllers

2019 saw me getting several controllers from the third party, Retro-bit. They have been growing in prominence in recent years with their growing supply of updated classic controllers and availability of HDMI cables for classic systems and have been dabbling with re-releasing classic NES games (more on that in a bit). Retro-bit answered my long pleading demands of having an N64 controller in with only dual grips instead of the standard three grips, and giving the button layout a tweak to make it more of a standard six-button layout like on the Genesis and Saturn controllers. I tried it with several games and far preferred it over Nintendo’s default controller. The other Retro-bit N64 controller modeled after the hard-to-find controller from Hori is a bit more of an acquired taste, but I found it to work great with certain titles. I also found myself going to Retro-bit to acquire a six-button controller for the Genesis-mini console that also came out in 2019. For whatever head-scratching reason, the Genesis-mini only shipped with the original three button controllers and Sega gave Retro-bit the license to make compatible controllers based on Sega’s updated six-button controllers for the Genesis that hit during the fighting game craze. Retro-bit has several other enticing controllers, adaptors and cables on their website, but I am for now biting my tongue and holding off before splurging too much on their retro-gaming goodness.

Playing through all of Sunset Riders half-out-of-it was my favorite moment of Extra Life 2019. 36) Extra Life 2019

After taking my first year off from the 24-hour videogame charity drive, Extra Life, in 2018 in nearly a decade I was stoked to get back into the 24-hour saddle again for 2019. I returned to join my friends Chris and Lyzz for another round of Extra Life. Props to them for being super accommodating to me as always and providing an excellent gaming and streaming setup for the 24 hours! Unfortunately, some last minute emergency issues beyond our control transpired and resulted in a late start, early finish, and a very on-and-off charity drive this year. For added self-imposed injury, I did not time my sleep/nap cycle ideally leading into the stream and quickly lost steam after several hours in and as you can see by the picture here, took what seemed like nearly double the naps than usual. After realizing we were all in pretty rough shape, we put the kibosh to the charity drive after a little over 12 hours invested through….. ….that does not mean it was all bad however! There was a solid four-to-five hour stretch where I got in a lot of random retro gaming and took requests from family members who donated to play any retro game of their choosing and it was gratifying knowing they got to watch along on the stream as I fulfilled their request! My sister requested the original Super Mario Bros. and my stepdad requested some Tetris and an obscure SNES soccer game I never heard of before. Chris also busted out the PSVR and I finally got a chance to tryout the VR version of Zen Pinball and the fully featured on-rails shooter, Blood & Stone. Probably the highlight of 2019’s Extra Life was finally playing through the arcade classic, Sunset Riders while donning a Sunset Riders shirt to boot in a sleep deprived state! Despite all the hiccups, we managed to make the most of it and got in a fair amount of donations from family and friends for our local children’s hospital! 35) VGmpire’s Last Hurrah! I have been a fan of videogame soundtracks ever since getting my first one for N64’s 1080 Snowboarding, and for nearly a decade VGmpire has been my go-to podcast celebrating all things about videogame soundtracks. Each episode would have a theme around a specific game franchise or genre and several music selections were carefully curated and inserted throughout each episode between host commentary for the music and game itself. For the last couple years VGmpire has been winding down, sparingly releasing episodes on a part-time basis until a few months ago when the host, Brett Relston stated VGmpire would be taking a permanent sabbatical due to new employment commitments. He did not leave his listeners on a low-note however, and after a few years of only a couple episodes here and there he left with five straight weeks of episodes highlighting the best soundtrack selections spanning nearly the entire Street Fighter universe! Those five episodes were an awesome farewell to his listeners and they covered such a wide-breadth of some of the best jams in fighting game history. 34) Annual Videogame Vinyl Love Speaking of videogame soundtracks, this ranking indicates how I faired with my videogame vinyl pickups throughout 2019. I added several new additions to my videogame vinyl library, and all have provided excellent background music to my yoga workouts! Standout highlights from this year include the original Metal Gear Solid, Castlevania ReBirth and complete set for Tetris Effect being my favorite pick-ups this year. However, there was one more OST that stood out among all others this year for me and that was for the legendary SNES beat-em-up, TMNT IV: Turtles in Time! I listened to that several times over, before mixing in something else in my rotation. Memories of beating that iconic brawler several times came flooding back as I jammed out to those shell shockin’ tunes! It even has an appreciated bonus track from the TMNT live concert tour smash hit, ‘Pizza Power.’ In case you are blanking on that sick track, I will permanently instill it in your mind with this clip below…

If you are a 90s kid then you can instantly relate to this chart-topping hit! PART 2 - RANKINGS 33 THROUGH 26 33) Now You’re Playing With Podcasting Power

Friends and family knew I use to run a videogame podcast called On Tap for several years from 2006-2013. Since then I have been scratching that podcasting itch by sporadically guest hosting with the sweet baby boys of Your Parents Basement podcast over the years. If you have read past editions of this best of list, you may recall me linking to my guest appearances on there. In 2019 I was on four episodes of the YPB show and touched on some of my all-time favorites and discovered all new gems I never played before that you will read about below. I also got to guest host with longtime friend Glenn on the PSnation Podcast for the first time in several years and had an epic time talking about all kinds of retro and current games along with the latest in TV and film. Throughout 2019 I uploaded several episodes from the On Tap archives onto my YouTube channel (you can find them by click or pressing right here). The archives have been offline since several months after the last episode released in late 2013. I tried to make them somewhat relative to current gaming events like re-posting our TurboGrafX retrospective in time for 30th anniversary, and our Mortal Kombat special to coincide with the release of Mortal Kombat 11. It felt good getting some of these favorite episodes back online and inspired me to pick up a long overdue new microphone for future guest hosting spots and possibly a return to regular podcasting. I have been giving a serious think to debuting a weekly/bi-weekly show hopefully later this year with the goal to stay in touch better with friends and peers. Hopefully all will go according to plan, stay tuned! 32) Getting my Morning Caffeine Fix…in 2D Pixel Brawler Form! I crave my 2D brawlers/beat-em-ups! I will touch on some others later in this list, and I always enjoy revisiting the classics, but I also am elated to see the indie game market pick up the torch with a decent smattering of modern takes on the retro-pixel brawler. There were a couple I recently picked up, and am beating myself up for not making time for the much anticipated follow-up to the NES classic, River City Ransom with the release of River City Girls. A 2D brawler I did make time for with a couple friends though was Coffee Crisis. It is where an alien invasion happens out of nowhere and two seemingly ordinary baristas take the initiative among themselves to fight back! As you can see in the video below, the gameplay looks and feels like a more fleshed out version of the brawling from the classic Simpsons arcade game! The action is appropriately over-the-top, and is jacked up with power-ups that make the characters feel they are going through a caffeine boost of sorts. I busted it out a couple times with friends Derek and Adam, and we progressed several levels through each time before running out of lives.

Coffee Crisis is a solid contemporary take on the classic arcade beat-em-up brawlers! 31) Ride or Die 2019 Here is my annual love for the quality of driving/racing games I played in 2019. I did not put as much time into driving games as I wanted to in 2019, and went through some serious droughts of getting my racing fix. I wanted to start either The Crew 2 and/or Forza Horizon 3 in hopes of having a big open-world racing game to pick away at throughout the year and failed in both endeavors. I did find time to continually pick away progress at the awesome OutRun/Top Gear tribute that is Horizon Chase Turbo however. Another similar take on Hang-On/OutRun I chanced on a random weekly Xbox sale was a motorcycle time-based driving title, Super Night Riders. It captured the spirit of Hang-On to a T with its evolving time of day, catchy tunes and last second emotions of barely hitting the next checkpoint! I wished it had more than just its several included courses though! I kept coming back to these new takes on the retro-time based driving games in short spurts, and were ideal ways to start off lengthier gaming sessions.

I got a chance to have a few sessions for the first time in a while with SNES-Super Mario Kart inspired Super Indie Kart which is STILL IN EARLY ACCESS after several years. The developer is shooting for a full release in 2020, and compared to what I played a couple years prior, a lot of tracks and characters were added with highlights being both ToeJam and Earl. I experienced many of positive vibes I had from SNES Mario Kart from what I tried out and hope to see it finally emerge out of Steam Early Access this year. I discovered Grip off Xbox Game Pass, and its initially intimidating spherical driving. Eventually, I was able to adapt and get into and make a fair amount of headway into this combat racer that fans are touting as the spiritual successor to the PSone gem, Rollcage. I had a couple short sessions online in OnRush thanks to it being a PlayStaion Plus game. I dug its take by capturing the magic of crashing rivals in BurnOut and putting a new twist on it and making it a team based points competition instead of a traditional position-based racing game and wished I was able to spend more time with it in 2019. The driving game I put the most time into in 2019 was demolition derby-racer WreckFest. I touched on it on my 2018 recap with it coming out of early access for PC, but 2019 saw the console release and my brother and I had several sessions of online WreckFest on Xbox One. The action got pretty whacked several times and we did not care that we usually finished in the middle of the pack with the fun we had surviving each race and the chaos that comes with demolition derby-based racing games. 30) Family Gaming 2019

I had my dad and brother over at my place for Father’s Day and Christmas this year and of course we wound up playing some old school games. On Father’s Day, similar to last year we powered on the N64 and experienced some of the same classics with my dad we did growing up like New Tetris and Mario Kart 64. My dad was starting to hone in his masterful Tetris skills again by the time we wrapped up, and if we would have done more sessions I am confident he would have been wiping the floor with us! On Christmas I had a fixing for my initial videogame memories with my dad on the Atari 2600 so I booted up Atari Flashbacks on the Xbox One. I remember the astutely titled Bowling being a big hit with the family and sure enough we had several close games. Despite how simple it is on the VCS, it remains one of my favorite videogame renditions of the sport. We then booted up the arcade versions of Centipede and Millipede and Joe wowed me with some impressive progress in those games I had no idea about until he said went through a recent period playing those arcade classics nonstop at a nearby locale. 29) Super the Up-Down I have fond memories of the 90s nostalgia arcade, Up Down in the Twin Cities that I wrote about here before and 2019 marked my third trek there! My brother and I met up with longtime friends Moe and John from the SupertheHardest podcast and we proceeded to drink and game the night away. Aside from some brief excursions to clash against John in Street Fighter II and teaming up with my brother in Smash TV the main highlight was Moe, Joe and I nearly beating the iconic X-Men arcade game all the way through before running out of quarters in the final Magneto fight. I am starting to get a little concerned though with the upkeep of the machines at Up Down however. Several machines had faulty buttons and/or would not support a second or third player. I did not recall having these issues the last two times I was there, but I imagine it is inevitable with big crowds getting their drinks sloshed all over that those machines would require constant maintenance. 28) You Do Know Jack!!

I have no idea how they do it, but Jellyvision/Jackbox games has been pumping out a nonstop collection of social party games under the Jackbox Party Pack branding and 2019 saw volume six hit current consoles. Even at six entries in I am continually impressed at how smooth most our sessions run using a web browser window on our phones as a controller with little-to-no lag throughout. I have reminisced before in these yearly breakdowns my recurring couch multiplayer sessions with friends Derek, Brooke and Ryan. Variations of Jackbox Party Pack dominated our sessions this year, with the sixth game taking the most time once it released. Trivia Murder Party 2 was the runaway hit game of the collection with its quirky deathmatch take on trivia and the one we came back to the most. Dictionarium would be a runner-up with us competing to see who can be the most creative with new words and definitions. 27) Flying Power Disc! Long forgotten Neo-Geo game, Windjammers gained notoriety over the last several years from it being regularly featured on Giant Bomb videos and features. I had no idea about it prior either and would be lying if I were to say otherwise. It gained so much newfound fame from GB’s videos that it started gaining traction in the eSports scene, got a remaster on PS4/Xbox One/Switch and recently got an upcoming sequel announced. I briefly tried the PS4 release of WindJammers in 2018 to mark my first hands-on time with it, but 2019 saw me won over by it! I vanquished the computer adversaries with each character to net that trophy and played a fair amount online with my go-to PS4 online adversary, Chris (different Chris from mentioned above)! The PS4 remaster could not handle this combative disc-based version of Pong any better! Highly recommended for quick, local and online multiplayer throwdown sessions!

GiantBomb’s many intense multiplayer sessions of Windjammers turned me (and countless others) on to this Neo-Geo hidden gem. 26) No Rest for the Wicked… I was a huge fan of the first two Borderlands games, but only played the first couple hours of the Pre-Sequel before deciding to take a break from the series. Derek and I played through the second game and was giving me some friendly nudging to get the much-hyped Borderlands 3 that released a few months ago. I finally picked it up several weeks ago, and we only got a couple sessions and several hours in as of this writing and thus this ranking, but from what we played so far I am started to get sucked back into the fun grind that is Borderlands. The first couple hours took a bit of re-familiarizing with the general gameplay and abilities and how to properly manage inventory and level-up because BL3 is a glut of menus. Combine that with the fact I have fallen out of favor with first person shooters in general for the last few years and I found myself extremely rusty initially. After a couple hours though I started to get back in the swing of gameplay and get my Borderlands-wheels rolling again. I recalled the BL-wisdom that Derek helped instill in me from our BL2 sessions of ‘Do not dwell on the countless stats on each gun, keep swapping out until you find something that is fun to shoot with!’ I am a fan of the quirky Borderlands lore and outrageous characters and while the jokes are hit and miss, the frantic gameplay and open-world exploring more than makes up for it. I have a newfound appreciation for Bio-fuel! I look forward to getting back into Borderlands 3 as 2020 progresses and hope to report back next year with how we steamrolled through it! PART 3 - RANKINGS 25 THROUGH 20 25) New Old NES Games and other Limited Run Releases

I eluded to earlier how Retro-bit started re-releasing older NES games. 2018 saw them release the formerly Japan exclusive, Holy Diver and 2019 saw them re-issue the increasingly rare Metal Storm. I acquired both of these in 2019. I opted for the deluxe edition of Holy Diver that saw it include a ton of extra goodies as seen in the pic below. The Metal Storm re-issue is the Japan version of the game that has narrative cutscenes included and more forgiving difficulty tweaks. I did not get a chance to play either of these yet, but Holy Diver looks to be a tough-as-nails platformer that rewards practice and I look forward to attempting Metal Storm’s consistently rotating platform-based stages. Mr. Jeremy Parish did commendable breakdowns of both games upon their reissues so for those that are interested in adding some new old NES games to their collection click or press here for his Holy Diver review or here for his take on Metal Storm. Retro-bit partnered with Limited Run to distribute Metal Storm. It would not be a yearly gaming dissection without highlighting some key Limited Run purchases. Limited Run somehow scored a goldmine of a deal by getting the rights from Disney to re-issue physical versions of several classic Star Wars games for the NES, GameBoy, N64 and PS2 remasters on PS4. I wound up getting one of my childhood N64 favorites in Shadows of the Empire and the remaster of the PS2 racing title, Racer Revenge for PS4. I was also thrilled to lock in orders for physical releases for Atari Flashbacks on Vita, acclaimed puzzler Lumines Remastered and much anticipated narrative exploration titles like Wandersong, Alone With You and Tacoma for PS4. Limited Run has been lately releasing more obscure titles that are off my radar the past few months so I will take that as a blessing in disguise on my wallet! 24) ZOMBICIDE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS

These past few best of gaming installments I tend to breakdown some of my favorite board game moments of the year in an entry. Easily my favorite board game night of 2019 was where my brother and I met up with several other people for a six or seven player session of Zombicide. Imagine a meticulous, detailed board game portrayal of Left 4 Dead and you have Zombicide. I did four player runs of it before knowing that Zombicide usually requires a ton of intricate setup with its many tiles, pieces and tokens so I imagined with nearly eight of us we were in for a long night. Luckily, my buddy Mike hosted the game and has a boatload of experience with Zombicide, and even with his brisk pace of moderating and moving the game along we ended up playing for a solid five-ish hours before we wrapped up. It got to the point where we were playing so late and I knew a few of us were getting fairly tuckered out, but we roughed it out because we were passed that ‘point of no return’ in our quest to escape the board with our party alive! Regrettably, my brother and I were the only ones whose characters perished, two times over each as Mike gave us replacement characters, but both of us got a little too hasty with our strategies and we paid dearly for it. Regardless, it was an epic board game night I will never forget! Derek and Brooke were playing with us too and both got into the session as much as my brother and I did. They have since told me they have been doing mini-sessions of it and mastering the pacing and setup for the game, so I look forward for more frequent Zombicide sessions in 2020! 23) A Certain Super Power-ed Guide Book

A couple years back I recounted how Pat Contri’s Ultimate Guide to the NES Library book/tome was bedside reading for me nearly every night. While maintaining a reading schedule of a page or two a night it still took me a year and a half to finish since it reviewed every game that hit the NES in America. Contri soon after got to work on the sequel, Ultimate Guide to the SNES Library and it wound up being one of only three crowd-funded projects I ever contributed to. The book finally finished publishing a few months ago and I got my copy in the mail about a month back. It follows the same format as the last book by reviewing all the American and PAL SNES games, and contains roughly a dozen featured articles and essays to book-end this SNES bible. I immediately looked to see how the SNES games I own measured up, and then continued my same routine as I did with the NES book at reading a page or two of reviews a night before bed. Naturally, I am only a couple dozen pages in and have a long ways to go, but am ecstatic to see a long coming crowd-funded project come to fruition! 22) Top Gaming Videos of 2019' For whatever reason, gaming videos are perfect background noise for me and resulted in me watching way too many. Like last year, here is my notated favorites that hit in 2019…

The yearly ‘Winter Games’ competition video of the GiantBomb crew featuring random videogame challenges and traditional house party a holding your breath contest ….seriously is always one of my favorite GiantBomb videos of the year. Too bad for their Goldeneye challenge in this video they did not know about the one hit-kills from the ‘License to Kill’ mode or their ‘Slappers-only’ duel would not have lasted forever. GiantBomb - Dreamcast Anniversary Stream - Jeff Gerstmanns Pro Skater Series - Winter Games 2019 - GB Family Feud - GB Advance - VinnyVania Bloodstained Series - The Final Mario Party - Mass Alex 2 Series – Get on my Level Series - Resident Evil 4 Playdate Series - Dangerous Driving Quick Look - WWE 2K20 Quick Look - Madden 20 Quick Look (VINNY WINS!!) MetalJesus - Jaguar Love - PS2 Love – Reggie Pickups - WiiU Love - PAL PS2 Exclusives - PSP Racers Gaming Historian - Super Mario Land Series - Story of Links Awakening - Story of Super Mario Bros 3

Attending a couple E3s myself as part of the gaming press I can vouch for a lot featured in this splendid breakdown of what E3 is like for the gaming press. OntheStick/JoeDrilling - ECW Hardcore Revolution - Marvel Superheroes - Resident Evil 2 - Oxenfree No Clip - Gaming Media at E3 - History of Telltale Games LGR - Computer Warehouse Exploration - Doom II 25th Anniversary - Ion Fury - Windows 3 Point 1 Love - SimCity 30th Anniversary CGQ - Genesis in 1990 - Dreamcast Launch - Lets Read EGM issue 36 - Lets Read Nintendo Power issue 2 RetroPals - GameCom Love

Behold, according to the AVGN, a terrible flagship Zelda game by Nintendo. My Life in Gaming - History of M2 GameSack – Shenmue III Review - Worst Sounding Genesis Games - NES Special - Mega SG Review AVGN/Cinemassacre - Videogame Magazine Special - Pepsi Man - Chex Quest - The Immortal - Majoras Mask - Defending NES OG TMNT - Genesis Mini Review - Nightmare on Elm Street - Barts Nightmare - SNES Campus Challenge - Thunder in Paradise - Combat vs Contri

Jeremy Parish did comprehensive looks at all American and Japanese Virtual Boy games in 2019, and topped it off with this all-encompassing look on why this Nintendo system came and went in under a year. Jeremy Parish ‘Works’ - All of Virtual Boy Works - Links Awakening - Tengen NES Trio - Circle of the Moon - Pilotwings 64 - Turok 2 GBC Scott the Woz - Mario Kart for SNES - GCN - DS - and Wii - Club Nintendo - WiiWare Chronicles - Call of Duty DS - Bargain Bin Christmas

Scott the Woz states his case for Double Dash being the best Mario Kart, clearly he is mistaken and we all know the 64 version reigns supreme. 21) Out-drinking Satan I was pleasantly surprised to see the anticipated indie game, Afterparty as part of Xbox Game Pass upon its release day. It is from the developers at Night School Studios who brought us Oxenfree, yes that same game which took the #1 honors for my inaugural top gaming experience list from 2016. Needless to say, I was excited to see what Night School Studios had in store for the sequel. Afterparty is a narrative exploration game where two freshly graduated high-schoolers find themselves suddenly very much dead and in a twisted Tim Burton-esque party version of hell and set forth on a quest to out-drink Satan in order to get a second chance in life on Earth.

The hype going into this kind of rubbed me the wrong way a little bit about its promotion of getting wasted all the time, but it all kind of makes sense in the end with one of the endings available on how that lifestyle may not be all it is initially cracked up to be. I dug the aesthics in Oxenfree, and loved how they brought them over into Afterparty, but with some tweaks to represent a 24/7 party atmosphere in hell. Gamplay is similar to Oxenfree with by picking from a few dialogue choices available and some only available when your character is drunk which warrants multiple playthroughs for this 4-5ish hour game. By the end I liked the universe Night School established and what they were going for by the time I finished it, but I did not love it. Maybe my initial choices lead to a not-so-desirable playthrough as I thought they would. Afterparty has their in-hell version of Twitter with random tweets from background characters going on non-stop and it is more distracting the way it is implemented. I have been listening to the Afterparty OST while writing parts of this never-ending read, and I have been taking it in more this way than the way it came across more muted during gameplay. Oxenfree I loved so much that I played through it two more times within a few months to see other dialogue options and endings, but with Afterparty the last act felt kind of disjointed with my choices and it wrapped up with no real sense of closure. Again, maybe it was bad luck on my part with the options I picked. This however did not lead me to anxiously jumping right into starting another run, but I wanted to see if the other endings were worth playing for so I went and YouTube’d the other endings right away and yes, I think those would have been better ways to conclude Afterparty for me, but they still lacked the memorable high notes that comprised the final act of Oxenfree. Afterparty is on Game Pass though so that is a nice perk at the moment and so I imagine I will at least start a second playthrough sooner than later to see how the opening parts play out differently by picking polar opposite choices. I also wanted to mention I played this on an Xbox One S on an external hard drive install and I was stunned to see this is the first game I ran into with particularly noticeable slowdown and performance issues. I had little to no hiccups with other graphically extensive games like Gears 5 and Man of Medan recently so I found the performance hiccups here surprising with the not-so-overwhelming visuals from this 2D game. Lucky for Afterparty, it is a laid back narrative exploration game so it was not that much of an issue to deal with whenever slowdown and framerate stutters happened. Despite these performance and narrative qualms, I do not regret my time with Afterparty and would recommend to at least try it if you have Game Pass and see if it is up your alley.

EPN went above and beyond with their coverage of the Genesis Mini with several videos dedicated solely to the 16-bit ‘Blast Processing’ wonder. 20) Sega Finally Gets a Mini-Genesis Right After several versions of mini-Genesis ‘Flashback’ consoles of poor-to-mixed quality from the manufacturers, AtGames, Sega took it upon themselves to release and produce their very own Genesis-mini on the 30th anniversary of the North American launch. Sega got it right this time around with superior emulation compared to the efforts from AtGames and a lineup of 42 games mostly from Sega, but with also some notable third party hits too. They also include handy features as seen in Nintendo’s mini-systems like save states and the ability to rewind gameplay which I can attest is a lifesaver for some of these brutally tough games from the 90s. It is worth noting the recent Genesis Classics disc Sega released on current consoles offers up over 50 games, but they are all from Sega’s catalog and have a wide range of quality. The lineup here comparably hits more than misses, and features the expected Sega studs, but welcomed third party additions like Road Rash II, Castlevania: Bloodlines and Street Fighter II: Champion Edition.

I have only briefly played my own Genesis-mini, and am awaiting the close final tweaks to software that is about to release that will allow users to upload their own personal Genesis games to the mini much like I did for my NES & SNES-minis so I can curate my own ultimate Genesis library. I like the library offered up here, but would be lying if I said I was not bummed that Sega omitted some of its hit sports games that helped defined it during the 16-bit wars. I understand there are those pesky royalty fees to deal with for former players and teams, but a lot of the early 16-bit Sega Sports titles lacked those licenses or only had one player being the cover mascot for the title. EA was also a strong supporter of the Genesis (with sports AND non-sports titles) so it was eye-opening to see only one game from EA’s 16-bit library make the Genesis-mini cut. This is why I am awaiting for that library loading software to get perfected so I can have my own handpicked Genesis line ready to go! I also want to give props to EPN for their prolific and thorough videos breaking down the Genesis-mini at launch and give another shoutout Jeremy Parish’s in-depth review of it too where he goes far more into the weeds on the Genesis-mini than I will on my blurb about it here if you want to know more. PART 4 - RANKINGS 19 THROUGH 15 19) Punishing Arcade Action Starring Dolph & Hasselhoff Clones The Punisher is in all likelihood my favorite 90s arcade brawler. Granted, I am biased being an unapologetic fan of the comics and the arcade game makes great use of the license by featuring several of the Punisher’s top villains from that time and having Punisher team up with his on-and-off ally Nick Fury. The Genesis port is noticeably watered down visually in order to run on the system after looking at comparison videos online. When not playing the two side-by-side the differences are negligible to me while playing. It does not have the ability to set max lives in order to breeze through it, but you can set to adjust an option to add a few more which made it plausible to beat on normal difficulty with a non-wreckless strategy of picking your spots and timing attacks instead of rushing into encounters with mindless button mashing. I can vouch for this from experience!

The bad thing about beating Genesis Punisher on Normal difficulty is it gives a bullshit ending screen of ‘Now Play like the Punisher in Hard Mode to see the True Ending.’ I mean, it is not like the ending is likely all that it is cracked up to be to motivate me to going through it again on a tougher difficulty….oh wait…guys I looked it up and turns out that ending blows away all other endings from arcade brawlers at the time as you can see by that attached video below. With that in mind, I invited my brother over one day in 2019 and I was determined this was the day we could beat Genesis Punisher in hard mode. We did have some help though from game genie cheats we had loaded up on an SDcard into the Retron5 we used to play it on though. We did not turn on full health or infinite lives because we desperately wanted to say we ‘earned’ that awesome ending, but one of the things hard difficulty mode tweaks is not the challenge of the opponents, but merely the quantity of them. This would not be a deal-breaker since a lot of the common thugs are pushovers, but with this brawler having a timer, it would lead to us losing a couple lives after running out time while taking out the ump-teenth wave of goons sent our way. Not wanting to burn through more lives on a BS timer system, we disabled the timer on the cheats menu halfway through and we also disabled losing life from executing the leg sweep ‘super’ move. Not that the leg sweep was more powerful as ordinary attacks, but it helped free up some breathing room when the AI cluttered the screen with several enemies. With those two ‘assists’ activated we progressed up to the final stage before we finally ran out of lives in the midst of the ‘ol arcade brawler stereotype, the dreaded boss gauntlet! I am confident if we would have gained a couple lives and disabled the boss timer from the beginning we would have at least got up to the final boss and possibly defeated him! Earlier in 2019 Arcade 1up released a Capcom Marvel edition cabinet loaded up with the classic arcade versions of Punisher, X-Men: Children of the Atom and Marvel Superheroes. I have no idea why a brawler such as Punisher seemed like a fitting inclusion with the Marvel fighting games when Capcom had several other Marvel vs. fighting games to choose from, but that Arcade 1up release is so far the only reissue of either the Arcade or Genesis Punisher title to this day. The downside is that it will set one back $400!!! As awesome as it would be to have the actual official arcade release at home, I imagine if I would pick that up I would ignore my aforementioned advice and fall victim to maxing out the credits and mindlessly button mashing my way to the end. I think I will prefer sticking with a little bit of strategy in my brawler and one day hope of finishing hard mode, just like the Punisher…..for now.

This will be worth the extra hassle of beating in hard difficulty to witness! 18) Handheld Gaming 2019 I had a pretty solid year for traditional portable gaming (AKA non-phone games!!). With 2019 being the 30th anniversary of the GameBoy in North America, I went to our local retro game shop with the mindset of picking up the only GameBoy variant I did not own, the GameBoy Pocket. I noticed it there on a previous trip going for not that much and when I went to request it the clerk informed me of their modded GameBoy Advances they recently started selling that have new outer shells and a premium backlit screen on par with the latter GBA SPs. That went for three times as much as the Pocket, but after the clerk let me test it out for a few minutes I instantly had a change of heart and forked over the dough for the custom deluxe GBA. I love my backlit GBA SP, but I always preferred the form factor of the original GBA more, and having it with a top class backlit screen convinced me to upgrade. I wound up playing that modded GBA quite a lot in the back half of the year.

In the first half of the year though I wrapped up Dragon Quest VIII in January shortly after posting the previous year’s recap, and stuck with it for a few months consulting guides for recommended post-game quests to take a stab at. Loved my many hours with DQVIII, but that was a game I primarily endured throughout 2018. After that lengthy RPG I popped in the optimal palate cleanser, WarioWare Gold on the 3DS. Up until that point, the only WarioWare release I ever played prior was the GameCube version, which I am a fan of but I always heard excellent testimonials about the handheld versions. WWG has over 300 of the bite-sized ‘micro-games,’ most of which are collected from previous entries, but also consist of a fair amount of exclusive original micro-games for the 3DS. The frenetic gameplay kept me bug-eyed throughout, and the slightly lengthier ‘boss battles’ also cracked me up. There are a seeming infinite amount of Nintendo references and small sections of gameplay taken from countless other Nintendo games ranging from common top 8 and 16-bit hits to the obscure with nods to titles like Virtual Boy’s Mario Clash. It all added up as the perfect pick-up-and-play title coming off a mammoth RPG. Do not be like me and neglect this superb handheld version! I am a nut for picross games, and the 3DS has a ton of them but 2019 I finally started the My Nintendo exclusive game, Legend of Zelda Picross. Like other Picross games on the 3DS it has an intuitive control scheme and a multi-layered hint system which I took advantage of numerous times to nudge me in the right direction! I downloaded the GameBoy cult hit, Mole Mania off the 3DS eShop and consumed a few hours of that action/puzzler to discuss on a clayyyysic episode of YPB I guest hosted on. I imported a few fan translation GBA and DS games that have been on my want list forever because they never had official American releases, but thankfully the fanbase stepped up and changed that so I was thrilled to finally add Ace Attorney Investigations 2, Retro Game Challenge 2 and Mother 3 to my handheld library. I played through the first case of AAI2 and it brought back memories of why I enjoyed the first one so much and the fresh changes it brought to the Ace Attorney formula. Did not get a chance to play Retro Game Challenge 2 yet, but I did put a lot of time into Mother 3.

The fan translation originally released for Mother 3 about a decade or so ago and I started it up on a ROM and got a few hours in, but eventually got sidetracked and regrettably neglected it. Having a physical copy of the game and making 2019 a big year for the Mother/Earthbound franchise for me were the catalysts to have me stick through Lucas’s adventure this time around. Mother 3 has a similar look and feel as Earthbound on SNES, but with an entire new setting and cast of affable characters that similarly immersed me into their unique world all over again. Props to the fan translators who took on that mammoth undertaking with dialogue that does not skip a beat and brings back the vintage lighthearted and crude humor that was a trademark of Earthbound. The battles play out nearly identical too with each character having unique attacks, and retaining Earthbound’s rolling HP meter that allows additional precious seconds to escape death from a gutsy battle. I have been cherishing my dragged out sessions of this gem so I have not finished Mother 3 yet, but according to a guide I am halfway through chapter seven of eight, so almost! 17) Out Contra-ing Contra I have played a few Contra titles over the years, but usually fall victim to their hard-but-fair difficulty. I am starting to come around and appreciate them a little more recently and kind of like I described with Punisher above, play them a little more smartly and not rush in guns blazing in order to conserve lives and survive those grueling boss fights. I heard of a new Contra-inspired indie game gaining some buzz and launching day and date on Xbox Game Pass called Blazing Chrome. My buddy Adam was swinging over to hang out on the night of its release and I brought up about starting the night off with a quick session of Blazing Chrome expecting it to kick our ass and deplete our lives within ten minutes. We booted it up and……did not put it down until over two hours later!

Blazing Chrome plays like Contra III on steroids. The character and background sprites along with all the gunfire and explosions adds some extra ‘oomph’ and a little more dazzling special effects that would not seem possible on the SNES, but easily doable on the Xbox One. The boss battles also capture that ‘larger-than-life’ feeling from the bosses of Contra III. Eventually we fell victim to the fourth stage boss, which was something like going up against a Veloci-raptor that require pinpoint precision in order dodge its flurry of attacks. Thankfully, Blazing Chrome is not as merciless as Contra and allows the ability to restart at the beginning of the latest stage you progressed to after running out of lives. We must have restarted that dastardly fourth stage damn near ten times and played until our eyes felt like they were on the verge of falling out. Despite Blazing Chrome kicking our asses, like Contra it felt like it was not the game being cheap, but instead our own fault and needing to put forth the practice to learn patterns and master the timing and layouts of levels. It was a blissful moment whenever we got another stage or boss that we were previously hung up on and successfully coordinated our attacks to take down mid-bosses or other pesky foes. Adam and I keep thinking of revisiting Blazing Chrome ever since, but knowing what we are in for this time around we keep telling ourselves we got to be in the right mindset going into this five star indie game of 2019! 16) ”Go X-Men, Stop Magneto….err Apocalypse….no actually Magneto, Really!” I reached out to the fine folks at YPB Podcast who were looking for a classic X-Men game to cover to coincide with the release of the X-Men: Dark Phoenix film. The SNES title, Mutant Apocalypse has always been on my bucket list to beat. Despite the polarizing nature of the FOX films, I have enjoyed most of them and was anticipating Dark Phoenix and wanted to re-watch the previous film, Apocalypse for a refresher on the plot too. So for about a week I went all-in on X-Men and played through and finished Mutant Apocalypse, with literally mere minutes to spare before I met up with the YPB crew for our arranged recording time.

Mutant Apocalypse hit when Capcom was on top of their 16-bit game pumping out nonstop, top tier licensed and original games. MA is not an arcade brawler, but more of a methodical action platformer. I dug how each level focused on one of several different X-Men and how each character had their own specialized attacks I knew so well from the hit 90s cartoon from that era. There are still plenty of cannon fodder for to hack ‘n slash though, but also a fair amount of platforming to navigate through and multi-layered boss fights to survive. I hate to sacrifice my gaming cred, but some of these boss battles I had to resort to the save state and rewind features of the SNES-classic in order to proceed. It was worth it though, and resulted in one of the top X-Men games of that generation, barely nudging out Clone Wars on Genesis for my favorite 16-bit X game. I jest with the title of this entry because it eludes to Apocalypse being the big bad behind everything, but ultimately it is a red herring and low and behold it is none other Professor X’s good buddy, Magneto behind it all again! We poked fun at that logic while dissecting the game with the YPB boys, and I surprisingly found myself legit into Apocalypse on my re-watch of it. Playing through MA and enjoying Apocalypse more than I expected the second time around had me way more amped up for Dark Phoenix than I had any right to be because it was impossible to avoid the movie and comic press at the time anticipating a box office dud. While Dark Phoenix will not make my top 10 films of 2019 list and had its fair share of holes to dig through, I still had a good time throughout its retelling of the Phoenix saga and it provided a degree of satisfying closure to this four-movie arc of characters. 15) Sports-Ball Gaming 2019 It was a solid year of sports gaming for me in 2019. It did not dominate the year for me, but the chunks I did rock the old sports-ball were immensely gratifying! Picking up from 2018 and into the first couple months of 2019 was finishing off my season of Mutant League Football. I raved about this in last year’s recap about this being a worthy spiritual successor to EA’s Mutant Football League. It captures the over-the-top nature of the Genesis game and mixed in a dose of dialed up NFL Blitz-esque gameplay for what is likely my favorite football game this generation. I won the championship in season mode, and debated starting up the new Dynasty/Franchise multi-season mode that released as DLC towards the end of 2018, but decided to take a break from this whacked out turf frenzy in favor of….

I loved Madden’s take on Friday Night Lights, and Madden 19’s second attempt at a story mode ups the stakes for the returning NFL hopefuls as seen in this complete collection of all the cutscenes above. …a more realistic version of the sport in Madden NFL 19. I am a fan of EA’s take on a story-based single player mode it debuted in Madden NFL 18 with its ‘Longshot’ narrative. Madden 19 brought back Devin Wade and Colt Cruise in their quest for NFL stardom with part two of ‘Longshot.’ I noticed a polarizing reception to this story mode, but I thought it was a much-needed dose of fresh single player gameplay after so much emphasis on Ultimate Team in Madden this past decade. Wade unfortunately is still having trouble remembering plays, and Cruise bounces back and forth trying to ride the limited success from his song ‘Longshot.’ Cruise’s storyline is noticeably more of the focus this year with him making one last effort at making it into the NFL before being introduced to his long lost half-sister who drags him into help coaching the beloved local football team, the Bullfrogs! The narrative and football sequences are better paced out, and most football gameplay involved is never forcing a player to play through complete whole games, but instead a series of drives to accomplish a certain goal. The awesome high school flashback games return, complete with adorable local announcer commentary! It was interesting to see which active and retired NFL talent they brought into the story, and eventually ‘Longshot’ circles back to Colt coaching the Bullfrogs from escaping being foreclosed on from a real estate bigshot in a feel-good fundraising finale! Despite how much I was into the narrative, I got swamped with a bunch of menu prompts after finishing ‘Longshot’ pressuring me to check out the microtransaction-heavy Ultimate Team mode afterwards, and the menus throughout the rest of the game modes consistently attempt to poke and prod away to Ultimate Team instead. After doing a couple online games with a friend and failing miserably, I quickly traded in Madden 19. I felt like I sold it short and probably could have still got a solid season worth of games in the Franchise mode, but the big push in marketing and development resources in realistic sports games this past several years going into virtual currency-influenced modes like Ultimate Team rubs me the wrong way and I find myself playing more arcade sports games instead.

Speaking of arcade sports games, an interesting digital game on PS4 I tried out last year is Super Blood Hockey! It looks and plays similarly to the NES classic, Ice Hockey (complete with picking the size of your players), but with a bigger focus on fights and….well, blood. I only played a few games and need to come back to it, because I am awful against the AI, but I definitely am into the vibe it is going for. Another arcade sports game that had an awesome old-school NES vibe, but I was able to get a feel for was Basketball Classics on PC/Steam. It reminds me a lot of what Double Dribble would be like if it were on Intellivision. Gameplay is very simple with only three buttons involved for gameplay, but it also mixes in handy modern play mechanics like a 2K-esque shot meter. Basketball Classics has the 8-bit hoops charm factor oozing out of it with a catchy theme song, background chiptunes and interactive dunk cinematics that look like they were ripped right out of Double Dribble. I do not want to overlook the righteous story mode which follows a similar style to the NBA Street games by beating teams and recruiting their top player who have similar player portraits to 80s/90s NBA legends like Jordan, Barkley, Magic, Kareem and Bird. I was able to get to the ‘phantom five’ boss team, but despite several attempts failed repeatedly. There is still a lot I want to dive into and I have yet to try like a regular season mode with several dozen classic team rosters available. PART 5 - RANKINGS 14 THROUGH 10 14) An Offer I Could Not Refuse In last year’s list even though I did not subscribe to Xbox Game Pass, I gave it a pretty solid ranking due to it being the second coming of the Sega Channel, but now with proper resources and superior accessibility to its userbase. It also helped that Xbox Game Pass offers about triple the games at around 130-150 games a month compared to the 40 Sega Channel offered up at the time. Oh yeah, back in the mid-90s Sega charged about $15 a month, and Microsoft is currently charging $15 a month also for its ‘Ultimate Game Pass’ which combines Game Pass for Xbox One and PC as well as bundling in Xbox Live Gold. Since the last year’s recap Microsoft has went on to make all of its first party games available to Game Pass subscribers on their first day of release, and also went on to presumably offer nice payouts to highly anticipated indie games to become available on Game Pass upon their release date like Outer Worlds, Blair Witch Project, Demon’s Tilt, Afterparty, Blazing Chrome and Outer Wilds.

Despite all that temptation, I held off subscribing to it because I already have way too many games in my backlog and do not want to pay a monthly fee on top of it, but then around E3 2019 Microsoft made an offer too good to pass up where for only $1 they would convert the rest of your remaining Xbox Live Gold time to an Ultimate Game Pass membership and then add a bonus month on top of it. My Xbox Live Gold auto-renewed a month prior to that announcement, so it would be foolish to pass up converting my remaining 11 months into Ultimate Game Pass time for only $1. I am glad I did because I wound up trying out a decent amount of games from it. Not a boatload because as you can see from this list I had a lot of other games to play, but the convenience of the service caused me to try a lot more than I thought. There were challenging BMX-based games like Descenders and Lonely Mountains: Downhill, the bonkers semi-platforming game, ClusterTruck, the aforementioned spherical racer, Grip and The Blair Witch Project that I was totally consumed by for the first hour until I got lost in the woods and spent two hours circling around going nowhere before giving up. On top of all that I ended up finishing two games off of Game Pass by the end of the year. One of them was Afterparty that I already gave my rundown of, and another I will touch on shortly. So yeah, even though I may not stick with Game Pass when my $1 membership expires in half a year, it is safe to say I easily got my dollar’s worth out of it and then some! 13) Pinball Madness 2019

The weekly match-up scorechasing leaderboards in Pinball FX3 have been a constant for me for a couple years now. Every Saturday morning I have a routine of loading up the four predetermined scorechasing tables of the week and do a couple three minute runs on them each. The developers at Zen have also been capitalizing on acquiring the Williams/Bally license and have around a dozen-ish classic Williams/Bally pins in the Pinball FX3 library now including a couple personal favorites of mine like Medieval Madness, Champion Pub and No Good Gophers. I remain partial to the way the pinball physics handle to those authentic pinball games in Farsight’s take on the tables in Pinball Arcade, but having them available with the rest of the Zen lineup is convenient. I messed around with a few other pinball titles on Xbox One. Zaccaria Pinball hit Xbox One in 2019, and it is essentially the European version of Pinball Arcade. I toyed with it several times throughout the year and it had a ton of options to tinker around with and I have been meaning to revisit it a little more frequently. Every time I boot up Steam, I continue to do a run of Hyperspace Pinball as I continue to be dazzled by its neon-lightshow aesthetics. Even though Farsight has seemingly abandoned support after losing the rights to the Williams and Bally tables, I still throw in Pinball Arcade sporadically and bust out one of its many tables from its mammoth vault of legendary pins. Finally, in December Demon’s Tilt hit Xbox Game Pass on its first day of release and it became an instant classic. Demon’s Title design is based off the acclaimed Devil’s Crush/Dragon’s Fury pinball games on TG16/Genesis that are themed heavily on three screens of verticality, fills the tables with a potpourri of ghouls to lay waste to and intimidating boss-fight bonus stages. It keeps the TG16-era visuals, but pumps them up with contemporary special effects like Blazing Chrome also did, and throws in a banger of a synth-metal soundtrack to nod along with throughout!

Behold the screen-filling madness of Demon’s Tilt and its jamming synth-metal soundtrack! I dare you not to headbang along with it! In real-world pinball, I finally got around to joining a local pinball club about an hour’s drive away from me. I visited it several times already and am impressed with its lineup of nearly 25 tables available, most of which are from the 90s and up. I spent my first few trips there trying a game or two on each table, and now that I got that out of my system, I think I am going to try going forward just sticking to one or two tables a visit so I can get as much practice and get the most out of each table that way. 2019 wounding up being the biggest year for pinball for me since starting this list and thus its higher-than-usual ranking! 12) Feel the Need…for Jag

This is admittedly an odd tale of my how I crave my retro games. I already mentioned the Midwest Gaming Classic retro-con I like to attend above. In the first several MGCs I went to, they always had a small part of the floor called ‘JagFest’ where they had several Jaguars hooked up and the entire Jaguar library on hand to play at your own desire. Over my first four or five MGCs I would spend a couple hours there each year trying out a bunch of Jaguar games and would eventually settle on the five or six I preferred and would play those for an hour or two to get my yearly Jaguar fix and avoid having to dish out the money for the games and system. After returning to MGC in 2018 after a few years off I could not locate the JagFest corner and came to learn those folks stopped supporting MGC a year or two prior. All of a sudden I found myself missing out on getting that usual fix for Jaguar gaming so I started to keep my eye out online and finally found one for a fair price a few months ago. I started eyeballing places for the several games I liked and tracked all but a couple of them down for decent prices over this past year. Adam swung by again recently and we did a Jag-Night and broke out several multiplayer games. We did a few rounds of NBA Jam TE, and minus the awful background music, it is the best looking home console version of Jam TE for what it is worth. It was nice revisiting some classic rosters too like when the Timberwolves rocked Christian Laetner and the Spurs had the lethal combo of David Robinson, Dennis Rodman & Sean Elliot! We then busted out two player Raiden and got up to the third stage after our second attempt with the two credits setting. Brutal Sports Football is an awesome mess of an arcade sports game and I loved decapitating my friend's players instead of scoring goals more. There is so much chaos going on screen I am surprised the Jaguar was able to barely keep up with it all. Finally finished off the Jaguar marathon by score-chasing on Tempest 2000. My meager Tempest skills did not gain me much headway, but Adam fared better and got a few stages in. I never thought I would eventually cave and get this ’64-bit’ oddity, but here I am….and after that session I kind of do not regret it and am legit having fun with the games for it. Who woulda thunk it!? 11) Still in Pursuit of that Elusive Tri-Force

I know….I know….I am a terrible person for not beating Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild yet. I still semi-regularly throw in BotW every two to three months and get a memorable session out of it methodically exploring every nook and cranny of the map. I cannot help but activate ‘Hero’s Path’ mode to see where I have traversed across the map so I can explore everywhere out of paranoia of missing out on those oh-so-desirable secrets in unexplored areas. I have a majority of the map explored and am on the precipice of starting the last stretch of the core game that is Hyrule Castle. Of course I still want to unlock that rad Master Cycle Zero, complete the Master Sword DLC trials and pursue so many other secrets I likely missed. Despite not finishing it, I have gotten a lot out of my sessions with BotW this year which is why it still lands in the top half of the rankings. Breath of the Wild is right up there with MGS5 as one of my first games to finally knock out of the backlog and I plan on setting everything else aside in the coming weeks to finally grind out the last dozen or so hours I anticipate I have remaining in BotW. 10) Crafting Them Videogame Anniversary Specials For those unfamiliar with my past work, I use to be in the gaming press and penned countless reviews and specials from 1999 until around 2012. I took a break from it after suffering a series of setbacks in my pursuit of landing a major gaming press gig and after about stepping away from writing all together for a good year was when I returned at first with my limited series resolutions-themed blog, and then starting up this movie-themed blog in 2014 and have not looked back since. After a couple years I started to get that little inkling of a desire to get back to videogame writing again and aside from a handful of special circumstance reviews from the last few years the only major videogame-themed writing I have done was these gigantic end-of-the-year blowouts to get videogame writing out of my system for another year.

In 2019 however I started jonesin’ to do a little more. With several videogame platforms hitting milestone anniversaries in 2019, I took that opportunity as an outlet to write not a stereotypical historical retrospective, but instead more a journal of my lifelong memories for the console being commemorated. I went with the outline of how I first learned of these platforms, how I first discovered and played them and of course wrapped it up running through my all-time favorite games and moments for said platform. They were a pleasure to put together, and reflecting back on my early childhood mishaps for the GameBoy brought back memories I have long stashed away. The Genesis special got me nostalgic recounting the summer spent playing the Sega Channel nearly every day. The Dreamcast tribute was an emotional journey to relive the high highs of it being the first system to purchase with my own money and the many late night multiplayer sessions and the low lows of the sudden discontinuation announcement. The TurboGrafX and 32X flashback I felt I had a unique take on because I did not own them until well after their lifecycle. In 2020 there are four more systems celebrating milestone North American launch anniversaries I am shooting to write specials on throughout the year: NES turns 35, PSone and Virtual Boy both hit the quarter century mark and the PS2 will be 20. Keep your peepers peeled for them! PART 6 - RANKINGS 9 THROUGH 5 9) A Paperboy-rogue-like-lite…

I am a moron and forgot to include this Xbox One digital-only gem, The VideoKid in my 2018 list where it dominated a lot of my playtime. It is an 80s-nostalgia themed take on Paperboy, but instead of delivering newspapers on a bike, you are delivering videotapes on a skateboard. There are coins and other jewels to collect that carryover from each run that can be used to unlock 80s themed outfits ranging from AH-NULD to Teen Wolf and a few extra skateboarding tricks too. VideoKid is crammed with pop-culture references from that decade, and each run has…um I think this is the right way to phrase it….’procedurally generated 80s references’ to freshen up each run. The developers dig deep with the references and here are a teeny fraction of them off the top of my head in this game: the California Raisins, Care Bears, Smurfs, Night Rider, Transformers, Bill & Ted, TMNT, Nightmare on Elm Street, Masters of the Universe, Terminator, Batman, Ghostbusters and a plethora of others. It feels slightly more appropriate debuting VideoKid on my 2019 list because even though I played a lot of it in 2018, I never finished a run until 2019. I would always get goosebumps upon realizing I made it to a farther area in the run and I would succumb to my nerves getting the best of me. As you can see by the attached pic of my tweet, all that practice paid off and I finally finished a run after well over triple digit attempts. That was easily one of the single best gaming moments for me in 2019 and why it ranked so high. I would go on to beat it several more times in order to unlock all the outfits and acquire all the achievements. I never would have imagined enjoying this as much as I did upon downloading this $5 game that seemed like a neat little 80s throwback timewaster, but instead I would invest all those attempts in my conquest for ultimate 80s glory. Having Bill & Ted near the end of the run belt out to you in recognition “you rule, Video Dude!” was the icing on this delicious cake!

I had a feeling this game would be up my brother’s alley, and so I used the Xbox One’s ability to gift games and sent a copy his way and urged him to at least give it a shot. Soon enough, he got back to me on how he became addicted to this peculiar title too. He later returned the favor by gifting another low-budget digital-only title to me, Knight Squad. It is a simple 2D overhead visual game where a bunch of knights clutter the screen and players can assign teams or go in free-for-alls with a wealthy amount of options and maps to tinker with. It had easy to pick-up-slaughter gameplay, and I found it to be a fun little mindless deathmatch game I booted up in a few multiplayer sessions with friends. It will definitely remain in my multiplayer throwdown rotation! 8) HadokenFinish Him 2019 Normally this ranking would highlight my routine online fighting sessions with my longtime fighting game rival, Chris! While we did bust out a few of our usual favorites like versions of Tekken and Street Fighter throughout the year, the bulk of our fighting game time was dominated by Mortal Kombat. With the Mortal Kombat 11 release approaching, we had a few meet ups of its predecessor, Mortal Kombat X as a way of having a last hurrah with it before its sequel dominated our meetups.

In the midst of those sessions I realized I never got around to playing the much-touted story mode of MKX so I blitzed through that and finished it within a few days of MK11’s release. It was foolish to hold off so long on that story because I loved NeatherRealm’s past fighting game story modes, and MKX had a neat narrative by introducing the four new ‘Kombat Kids’ that are the new generation of fighters from the offspring of the mainstay regular roster members. A lot of the story involves some deep MK lore which I was somehow able to keep up with because I read a few too many MK comics over the years from Malibu and DC than I probably care to admit. I wasted no time diving into MK11’s story a few days later right at its release date. Other than removing and not even acknowledging two of the four new ‘Kombat Kids’ introduced in MKX, I absolutely ate up the MK11 narrative. The plot manages to achieve the impossible by successfully conveying one of my personal pet peeve storytelling devices, time travel! It then doubles down on that by throwing in an all-powerful-TIME TRAVELLING GOD as the main antagonist that wastes no time messing around with the timeline and mixing in past takes on MK characters from the original 90s trilogy and spewing them out into the current timelines along with their wiser elders a couple decades later. It was a hoot watching modern day Johnny Cage grab 90s potty-mouth Johnny Cage by his ear and give him a lesson on manners. The sexual tension between both retro and contemporary Kano was bizarre to say the least, but well worth watching how their alliance played out. Aside from the time travelling hijinks, there are a lot of serious moments I could not help but get emotionally wrapped up in with my near 30-years history invested into this franchise. Watching Jax initially succumb, and then overcome his PTSD got me good!

Here are some of the more lighthearted moments from MK11’s story mode courtesy of young, obnoxious Johnny Cage which were nice moments of levity from the nonstop time travelling war that is the primary arc. Only praising the story mode would be selling MK11 short, because a lot of the other modes have a ton to offer up too. The multi-layered towers return, and full of all types of consistently rotated gimmicks like past games. I wound up preferring a classic themed tower of several opponents as a perfect way to practice and get use to a new DLC character whenever one dropped. Chris and I would meet up and duke it out online whenever a new character released. Having an older Arnold Schwarzenegger as DLC to coincide with Terminator: Dark Fate has been my favorite DLC character. Having Arnold’s uppercut command be replaced with a crouching shotgun blast is THE BEST-EST! The creation options are a wee overwhelming with oodles of costume and move variants to deck out up to several save slots for each fighter. I stuck to only making a few for some of my go-to characters, and part of me would have preferred having a traditional few costumes to unlock for each character instead. The tutorials are insanely in-depth and reach new levels of pro-strategies detailed in fighting game tutorials. Seeing the Krypt return is always a delight, and having it be hosted by Shang Tsung who is graphically and aurally portrayed by the man who played him in the first movie, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa is the quintessential fan service! Parts of the Krypt though went over my head as NeatherRealm went overboard with several types of currencies involved and hunting down objects to unlock various parts of the Krypt. Props to the developers in the end though for somehow doing the impossible and consistently managing to outdo themselves with each sequel. I plan on keeping MK11 in my online fighting rotation for the foreseeable future. 7) COG Attack

Having Gears 5 available day one on Xbox Game Pass was an appreciated way of saving $60. I bought into how Gears 4 advanced the narrative with the next-gen of COG a couple decades later and had the original characters serve as more of an elder advisor role. The unique twist at the end of Gears 4 dealing with Kate is a big component of the campaign for the fifth game. I did not anticipate for Coalition Studios to pay off that big cliffhanger by really diving deep into Kate’s past and seeing how the revelations that await her pan out. I imagine most have probably heard how they mixed in a couple mini-open world environments into the story kind of how Uncharted Lost Legacy did a couple years ago. I did not mind it and got into exploring the frozen tundra and desert wastes while the characters filled in the traversal time with dialogue opening up about themselves and poking fun at each other. It helped mixed things up a bit and could not help but get immersed in its (limited) open worlds. By spacing gunfights out with the open world traversal, I forgot how heated the action can get with Gears 5’s variety of mammoth villains, especially in the final act when shit appropriately ramps up. The final act felt worthy of a big budget blockbuster of larger-than-life set-pieces, action and a heavy duty final choice presented that I had to pause and give a serious think over. I played a ton of multiplayer in the original trilogy, and regret not getting a chance to play the multiplayer for the fourth game, but have already redeemed myself by dabbling with several round of multiplayer in Gears 5. I am godawful, but it the occasional kill I pulled off brought back kind memories of how into the multiplayer I was before. Also having Linda Hamilton and Dave Bautista as unlockable characters for multiplayer are both perfect fits for the franchise! I also need to try out Horde mode and see how far it has evolved since I last played it in the prior games. So much left to do multiplayer-wise that I can see Gears 5 being one of the few online multiplayer games I regularly come back to this console generation. 6) How About a Game of Lucky Hit? Last year I picked up Sega’s HD remasters of Shenmue I & II on Xbox One in hopes to finish them again for a refresher on its grand narrative before the long anticipated third installment. I finished the first Shenmue off that collection in 2018. I played through the second game over the course of the following summer. Ryo is now pursuing Lan Di in China in two sprawling cities, with a bonus third area in an extended epilogue and all together it is about double the length of Ryo’s first adventure. Even though there are appreciated quality of life improvements compared to the first game as far as save anywhere and quasi-fast travel features implemented I prefer the first game more. Main thing I chalk it up to is in the first game Ryo having more of a sense of familiarity with Dobuita where Ryo knows nearly all the locals, shopkeepers, etc. In the sequel he only gets to become acquainted with several people and all the minor cast and shopkeepers treat him as an unknown and there are only hints of the charming small banter in the sequel to be had that the first game is overflowing with. There are some killer supporting characters Ryo gets to know like Ren, Xiuying and Joy, but the all-encompassing cast Ryo has varying degrees of acquaintance-ship with is what help makes the first game so welcoming and makes me give the first game the nod. Also, the sequel does not have forklift races and replaces it with an awful cargo carrying QTE mini-game where your co-worker screams at you every time a QTE is missed. No thank you!

A couple things going for Shenmue II is addition of two more YS games: Outrun and Afterburner II (and ability to access the four games from the main menu once they are encountered). Both of the cities are huge with tons of mini-games and side activities to take in with a lot of new ones debuting. Not all of them are winners but there was a ton of diversity between them and at least a few I found myself revisiting frequently. The final several hours of Shenmue II are also truly special and even though it was my second time experiencing this game, it was the perfect way to get me ready for the third game when it hit a couple months later. --spoilers next paragraph-- The romp up the mammoth Yellowhead building complex in the final act of the second city was a twisting, grinding beast to get through, but lived up to the journey to get to the final boss, hot on Lan Di’s tail. The final three-to-four hour epilogue following that is something daringly unique for its time and still holds up. If you were like me and hold in high regard the first Red Dead Redemption's epilogue then you will probably dig Shenmue II's bold epilogue which I did not see anyone attempting in 2001 when it first released. It was special to relive all over again even if there is a total lack of combat. A bulk of the brazen epilogue is a walk and talk where Ryo meets pivotal Shenmue character, Shenhua and the duo mostly converses and gets to know each other on their way to Shenhua’s home which is where the pair discovers a new revelation in their journey that closes setting up Shenmue III. There is a complete lack of combat, and only a handful on QTEs sprinkled in the last few hours. I absolutely loved this gutsy final act, and I understand why it is not for everyone for the crowd that is demanding of more gameplay. ---end of spoilers— 5) Spooky Gaming 2019 I continued my tradition of playing Xbox 360 launch game, Condemned: Criminal Origins on Halloween for the third straight year. I made a couple more chapters of progress in this creepy, first person detective/combat game. I need to stop only playing it on Halloween and finally finish it sooner than later because it manages to pull off a suspenseful and thrilling ride all these years later. I hinted above at my frustrations at Blair Witch Project on Xbox One. I was hooked into its first hour setting up the background of the protagonist lagging behind a search party in the woods and looking for clues they could have missed while catching up to them. Its gloomy woods atmosphere was giving me chills and goosebumps like Condemned was, but then I could not figure out where to go in the woods and circled around and double checked my paths several times for about a solid two hours before giving up. Consulting a guide at that point would not have felt right because I was so immersed in into the world. A few weeks later I read up some other player’s logs on what happened after the fact and it turns out the designers intentionally crafted the game to give that spooky lost in the woods vibe, but I guess it worked a little too well for me. I did a little digging to see what else Blair Witch had in store, and it expectedly involves a lot of supernatural and stealth elements once the legend of the Blair Witch comes into play, so I would like to give it one more shot eventually.

A game I did not give up on however and saved spooky gaming season for me was Dark Pictures Presents: Man of Medan. I was big time into developer Supermassive Games hit teenage, slasher game Until Dawn a few years back. Their follow up hit last year in Man of Medan is the first installment of their ‘Dark Pictures’ anthology line of spooky/slasher games, complete with a Tales from the Crypt-like host. This installment has a similar style of gameplay where six college-age students in trouble at sea wind up in a cursed ship which leads to all kinds of tomfoolery! Like Until Dawn, gameplay rotates between the six kiddos, and they will be constantly barraged with QTE choices that may decide their life or death fate. New in Man of Medan is the ability to set up local or online co-op play, with the developers insisting on setting an evening aside to beat the game in one night within four to five hours. That is exactly what I did when I brought the game over to Derek & Brooke’s place and we went through all of Man of Medan in a single sitting. In an unexpected twist, a severe thunderstorm rocked our town that night which provided a supreme ambiance as we played. We assigned two characters to each of us, and we finished with half the cast surviving. I was so entranced by that crazy night thinking of how to do things differently in order to get all the dorm-rats out alive and I plowed through the game a second time within a week and…..finished with only one surviving the slaughter, and it yielded a despondently meek ending that I only was all too deserving of in my failing of QTEs and decision-making efforts. Nevertheless, those two epic playthroughs of Man of Medan, combined with my excursions into Condemned and Blair Witch Project culminate for the highest ranking yet for the yearly spooky gaming entry. PART 7 - RANKINGS 4 THROUGH 1 4) Dream-tember 20th Anniversary Celebration

As I mentioned earlier, the Dreamcast was the first system I bought with my own personal income and the hell of a ride I had with that system in its two and a half year lifespan is why I have extra affection for this console. Penning that huge anniversary special was not enough as I decided for the 20th anniversary I would take my Dreamcast out of the closet for the first time in over a year and regularly throw in a few old favorites a couple times a week for all of September. Some highlights was revisiting a bunch of driving games and doing a few races each in Hydro Thunder, 4 Wheel Thunder, TNN Hardcore Heat and playing several hours worth of my favorite Dreamcast racer, Demolition Racer: No Exit. I would dabble with some of my favorite fighting games on the system for a few rounds of Dead or Alive 2, Capcom vs. SNK and both versions of Marvel vs. Capcom.

I consumed quite a bit of Dreamcast-anniversary videos this year, and this stream from the GiantBomb crew was the cream that rose to the top as one Macho Man would say. The non-driving/fighting game I played the most that month was a complete run of Typing of the Dead. Yes, I still have my Dreamcast keyboard (and mouse too!), and it was a pleasure putting my home-row skills to good use slaying zombies to gloriously awful voice acting. The typing challenges/mini-games they mixed in on the boss fights tripped me up a bit too and were a hoot to figure out. Aside from playing all those games, I contributed to a crowd-funded indie Dreamcast game, Arcade Racing Legends, that looks promising and should be shipping within a few months. I also dug out my stack of complete run of Official Dreamcast Magazine out of the closet and re-read the first five issues throughout the year. A lot of memories came flooding back from their colorful feature and review spreads. Several YouTube channels I followed did Dreamcast anniversary streams, and I devoured them all! The guys at YPB Podcast were doing a month long Dreamcast special too focusing on a curated Dreamcast gem each week, and I volunteered to guest host on their episode dedicated to, you guessed it, Shenmue! I barely contained myself as I raved about all my favorite memories for it, and apologized to the hosts for some of my incoherent gushing about the game afterwards. Speaking of the original Shenmue, throughout the year I picked away and eventually finished watching GiantBomb’s endurance run/long play of it which was just as entertaining and riveting as their Metal Gear Solid ones! It all added up for a month where I surprised how far I went out of my way to commemorate the system’s lasting legacy 20 years later. 3) Finally Conquering Diamond Dog In late ’97 I played a ton of the cult hit SNES RPG, Earthbound. I was mesmerized by this new twist on the Japanese RPG by taking place in a contemporary setting with young elementary aged children instead of cliché fantasy worlds. Despite putting in a lot of time, I never was able to get past the dual combo boss of Diamond Dog and Carbon Dog before I lost my save data and went decades before coming back to it on the SNES-classic in 2019. I once again have YPB Podcast to thank when they reached out for guest hosting spots and asked for a few suggestions on recommended games to play. I threw out the option of Earthbound so I can finally knock that one off my bucket list, and luckily they obliged me and that was the impetus I needed to work through that game. I only got a third of the way through it by the time we recorded the episode, but I stuck with it afterwards and finally finished it within a few weeks. After doing some research I was surprised to discover where I left off before against the dueling dogs was at roughly the 80% mark through the game. So close!

I had an excellent companion/travel book with me in the form of FanGamer’s Earthbound Handbook which is part strategy/tips, part lore/narrative and entirely exquisite artwork. I read the corresponding chapters of the guide as they marched along with how Earthbound played out to make it the perfect supplementary piece! FanGamer also has a tome all about the localization of Earthbound called Legends of Localization. It was my nightly bedtime reading for a few months as it dove into the weeds on the translation of the original Super Famicom version, and what references were removed and what were added/altered to the American release. Incredibly thorough read that shed a lot of light on the Herculean-effort it took to translate and bring this over state-side! Finally, as I mentioned earlier, but to make it come full circle as the year of Mother/Earthbound, 2019 was the year I made record progress and nearly finished Mother 3 on GBA! Just to emphasize, I am very much into it like I was with the original and hope to finish it within several weeks and rave all about it on the next recap! 2) To the Sequel A constant theme throughout this list has been my passion for narrative exploration based games. One of my favorites of the genre is 2011’s To the Moon from Freebird Games. It is about two professional 'memory explorers' Neil and Eva who use a device to traverse through a dying person's lifetime of memories and implant their patient's final wish so they can die thinking they lived their most fulfilled life. It has a 16-bit RPG graphical style and the writing is lighthearted with the two main memory explorers having plenty of cheery banter as I plugged away through the memories. The sequel, Finding Paradise hit six years later in 2017, and I have no idea why I waited two years to start it up.

Do not let these simple graphics fool you, both To the Moon and its sequel here, Finding Paradise, has some of the best storytelling I have ever experienced in gaming. I was thrilled to command Neil and Eva again as they take on fulfilling a new patient, Colin’s dying last wish. Their new patient is a tricky case who left his dying wish ambiguous, and more-or-less requested our trusty doctors to figure out his dying wish for him. It is the same type of narrative-exploration gameplay with some light puzzle elements, but with a few new wrinkles mixed in due to an early twist, which builds up to an even bigger hook in the final act I did not anticipate and leads to a whole new dynamic of gameplay I could not help but embrace. Kan Gao is the primary creator and designer behind these games and kudos to him once again creating a funny-yet-powerful-and-saddening tale as they dove through Colin’s memories in what felt like a page-turner I could not put down. Luckily, Finding Paradise is only several hours long and I was able to breeze through it within a few days due to the ‘one-more-page’ sensation of the narrative. Combine that exposition with a beautiful 16-bit throwback visuals and another knockout score and it left me depleted and wiping dust from my eyes by the time it was all over.

In a bizarre, ironic City Slickers-sort of way, I felt like Billy Crystal when catching up with my friend Matt a few days later and telling him about this game and To the Moon. He asked if Freebird plans on releasing it on consoles, and I told him how the first game has been out for nearly a decade and since it is not on systems by now I doubt how either game will ever get a console release. A little later that day I looked up online just to be certain and I completely missed it was announced last September that To the Moon would be getting a Switch release within a few days of this writing on January 16, 2020. If you do not PC game and have a Switch, I highly recommend giving this a shot! You will not regret it! 1) ”Kept You Waiting, Huh?” Yes, Ryo……You Very Much Did Exactly That! Surprise….or not! Shenmue III was the sequel I waited 18 long years for, and in the week before it released once it seemed like the game was past the point of no last minute cancellations I had this overwhelming sensation that I cannot describe any better than ‘holy crap, this is actually happening!’ I mentioned earlier about writing those anniversary tributes that the only other videogame writing I did was for a handful of special exception reviews. Shenmue III would be one of those special exceptions! I reached out to my friends at PSnation to see if they had anyone slated to review it and if not I would throw my hat in the ring to cover it for them and to my luck the review opportunity was up for up for grabs. I did this for two reasons, one to once again ensure I did not lollygag and take many months with this dense, sandbox game and two, to get everything I need to say about my experience with Shenmue III out of my system.

Not only did I review the game for PSnation, but Glenn invited me onto their podcast to review it on there too.Click or press here to take in my text review of the game, and click or press here to go check out the podcast. For everyone else, please bear with me for some…abbreviated…thoughts on Shenmue III. With a self-imposed review deadline in mind, I put time into Shenmue III nearly every day (minus Thanksgiving) and finished it within 17 days. Yu Suzuki for all intents and purposes created another Shenmue game, quirks and all. Due to it being on a crowd-funded budget (with later assistance from publisher, Deep Silver) it does not graphically compare with the latest and greatest AAA games, but still looks superior to the old Dreamcast games and offers the same scale of dense sandbox exploring. Some quality-of-life improvements from the 18 years since the last game are appreciated like dual-stick movement and no more quasi-tank controls! The narrative picks up right where Shenmue II leaves off in Shenhua’s village and focuses on two key areas, Shenhua’s rural village and another being a dense urban area. It would not be a Shenmue game without a wealthy range of side activities and mini-games to keep busy and earn money to buy new moves and level up Ryo’s kung-fu. I like the core fighting engine as it is improved and more fleshed out and has a better feel to it than the loose Virtua Fighter-feeling in previous games. Newcomers to the series should probably start with the first two games, or the quirkiness of the intentionally stilted and stoic voice acting and some of the characters will likely throw you for a loop.

The fine folks at MinnMax had a fine installment here of their quest to discover the game of the year by giving Shenmue III an honest try…kind of. As much as I loved this game with it being the clear cut #1 rank, I would be lying if it was in need of a few gameplay tweaks to improve the overall experience with more than the few limited fast travel options available, and better emphasis on leveling up Ryo’s combat skills early on. QTEs could have been implemented better and even on Nnrmal difficulty I found myself missing a fair amount of them, luckily developers YS Net is forgiving with frequent QTE checkpoints, and the fail animations are laugh-inducing. The Shenmue nut in me appreciated the many fan service and narrative callbacks to earlier games (hint: absolutely inquire with the hotel clerk what you can purchase from her). Fans of original games will be bummed like me to discover there are no more classic Sega arcade games to play, but for what it is worth there are other minor Sega easter eggs in the form of posters and other smaller items tucked away in the world. Also, what gives with the lack of soda drinking animation!? I bought a shirt last year that was all about Ryo’s aplomb drinking of soda!

The last big stretch leading to the final showdown of Shenmue III had a few poignant moments that will stick with me in the grand Shenmue saga, but compared to final stretches of previous games it is the weakest of the three and was over a little too quick when I was gearing up for one last sprawling stronghold to take down. The ending left on a high note of how it concluded and what the future has in store for the brand. Now a couple months after the fact, I am relieved that through hell and high water, Shenmue III found a way to exist and despite some shortcomings it was well worth the 18-year wait. According to the trophies and Playstation Store listing, there appears to be some mini-game and fighting challenge DLCs in the pipeline, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that Shenmue III performed well enough for a fourth entry. THANK YOU!!!!! AFTER NEARLY 18,000 WORDS I AM SPENT! If you somehow made it this far please give me a shout out on Twitter @Gruel and I will tweet you a fist bump for indulging me this long! This took me nearly a whole week to write and edit, so thank you once again to making it all the way through or even just jumping around and skimming to what stood out for you. I appreciate it more than you know! I will leave you all with this annual yearly recap book-end tradition. See you all next year!

Suuuuuuuuper-Slam!!! Previous Year’s Best of Recaps - 2018 - 2017 - 2016

[heywaitiknowthatsong]

What Makes A Platform, or How Do We Recreate Old Blue

It’s not enough to just make something. It’s got to be worthwhile. So if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right. Let’s start with the past.

What made Old Blue so good?

Old Blue (the site I will not name for fear of Big Red) was lightning in a bottle. There’s not way any site can hope to recreate the same success. It was the right parts at the right time, and whatever truly takes its place will be something unexpected. So what were the right parts?

The Easiest Way To Actually Blog

Old Blue removed a lot of the friction of blogging. These weren’t just technical challenges, though it took care of those as well. There were no servers to configure, no software to download. You picked a username and boom! You had a blog.

Big deal, other services (like WordPress and Blogger) were that easy. Where Old Blue really excelled was in getting content onto your blog. You were allowed and even encouraged to post content you found, not just content you wrote yourself. This was emphasized further by the “reblog” functionality that allowed you to easily repost content from another’s blog onto your own, giving you content for your own blog while attributing it to the original poster.

The problem of starting a blog is easily solved. Old Blue solved the much harder problem of how to easily get content onto a blog.

Dashboard Confessions

Even with the reblog button, though, there was still the matter of finding blogs to reblog from. For this, Old Blue took a page from the then-new Twitter and added the ability to “follow” other blogs. Their posts would then show up in a standard format on your “Dashboard.”

While this took away a large portion of the customization, it made keeping up with blogs easier than ever. There was no worrying about RSS feed readers or poorly-configured Google Analytics to worry about; readers got to read and bloggers got their consistent audience.

Mid–2000s Geocities-Style Self-Expression

Purists will complain about the single-column layout of most Old Blue blogs. They will decry the lack of responsiveness, complaining in tandem that the owner has neither heard of smartphones nor twenty-seven-inch monitors. One comment complained that the state of web design on Old Blue was similar to Geocities in the mid–2000s. I agree wholeheartedly, but I see it as a positive.

Self-expression has always been a part of the social internet. It started with Geocities sites, migrated to MySpace profiles, and eventually settled on Old Blue blogs. All of these allowed mostly unrestricted styles, letting site owners pick and choose random HTML, CSS, and JavaScript snippets from across the internet and blend them together into a miasma that was unmistakably them. Old Blue took it a step further, allowing custom domain names for free. If you didn’t want Old Blue’s name anywhere on your public blog, you didn’t need it.

Did it look ugly? To some. Did it sometimes break? Yes. But it gave people ownership over their blogs, allowing them to feel like their space was truly theirs.

Anything Goes

Everyone “knows” that Old Blue was full of illicit/NSFW material. And, let’s be honest, it’s made it hard for many to take the service seriously. In a professional context, the last thing a service needs is something work-related showing up next to something, well, not safe for work! This is doubly true when it comes to advertising, a sad fact that has robbed the service of much-needed revenue.

And yet, this exceptionally permissive content policy had a side-benefit. Content creators were free to post without fear of their content being removed for a nebulous “terms of service violation.” This was especially relevant in the wake of other online communities like LiveJournal and FanFiction.net nominally “cracking down” on adult content. These crackdowns were, at best, selectively enforced and relied heavily on community reports; the end result being illicit material that was nominally disallowed but somehow acceptable or unknown to the wider community was able to survive on those sites.

Content creators whose work was illicit (or even objectionable in other ways) could post freely on Old Blue without worrying about their content suddenly disappearing. This drove more people to the platform, in turn making it more attractive to other content creators with “safer” material. The network effects took over and made Old Blue a force to be reckoned with.

Hyper-specific Hyperfixations. Or not.

Old Blue made it incredibly easy to sign up and start a blog. That blog could be as specific or general as you wanted. And when you got to the point where you needed a different space, you could start another blog. And another. And another.

Content creators could make different blogs for different fandoms, different levels of content safety, or just different ideas in general. This gave rise to creatively-named specific blogs, like the notable “effyeah” named blogs, or particularly specific names like “picsthatmakeyougohmm.”

What Would We Need?

So, using these principles, what features would a potential replacement for Old Blue need?

Low-friction signups

Easy to find and post content

Easy to make multiple blogs

Easy to follow interesting blogs

Open-ended theming

Custom domain option

Clearly-defined (if not permissive) content policy

Five of these are technical problems. Good programming and good design can make these features sing. The issue is the last, social problem: the content policy.

The only site of any significant size that has survived with a permissive content policy is Archive Of Our Own. It’s run by the Office of Transformative Works, a nonprofit dedicated to making a space for works that would not otherwise have a home. As such, they have devoted significant resources to ensuring their policy can withstand legal challenges, and they rely on true tax-deductible donations to fund the site instead of skittish advertisers. Any platform that would truly wish to fill the shoes of Old Blue would probably need to take a similar approach.

An alternative is the one taken by WordPress. Savvy web citizens know that there are two sides to WordPress: the free website where anyone can sign up for a blog, and the open-source software anyone can install for free on their own web server. While downloading and installing WordPress is not necessarily for the faint of heart (it requires some technical knowledge of web servers and how to maintain them), WordPress is widely considered one of the easiest pieces of web software to install and use.

This ease of deployment allows the free website WordPress.com to have a stricter content policy, since anyone adversely affected can take their content to a self-hosted blog with a little effort. This is more than simply offering a blog “backup”; WordPress has built-in mechanisms to move content from one WordPress-powered blog to another with few changes. A blog hosted on WordPress.com with a custom domain can be changed to a self-hosted WordPress blog with few to no visible changes to visitors.

While the WordPress method doesn’t eliminate the social problem of a content policy, it does reduce the stakes. If a group of users find the content policy onerous, they can set up (and pay for) their own WordPress-powered platform.

What next?

And here is where I will cut this off. I humbly submit this for comment, knowing I’ve left some things out that may not have been integral to my experience on Old Blue but essential to others.

I’ll also be working on a follow-up to discuss particular technologies that could be used to create a new platform in this vein, so if you have any suggestions there, I’m all ears.

But I do want to close with this: these are ideas. These are thoughts. And that’s all they are. Building a platform takes a lot of work, both in the programming but also in how it is socially maintained. And as Facebook, Twitter, Google, and Big Red are learning, the rules you choose to have and how you enforce them can have dramatic consequences to the community that builds up around your platform. This is not something I can tackle on my own, and it is not something I would ask anyone to volunteer for.

This is a thought exercise, a way of getting these ideas out of my head. I hope you find it useful, or at least a little informative. And if it helps shape whatever platforms come next, I’ll be even more happy. Thanks for reading; I’ll see you next time.