#Still planning on setting aside one day a week of no social media sometime soon

[inga-don-studio]

I’m officially back from my short social media break! Even if I wasn’t as strict about logging off as I probably should have been, five stars do recommend 10/10. I’m for sure doing this more frequently.

I am planning on turning this blog back into a more even mix of personal posts & reblogs, too. The personal post quota will of course be subject to mental health & whether I even have anything interesting to share (both of which have been in gravely short supply for a while), but I want to at least try to put myself out there more. We’ll just have to see how that goes.

Missed all y’all & wish you a good day/night!

[theonlinebrat]

What's the ring around an angel's head?

(see the joke)

Dear reader,

I need you to be honest with me here.

Do phone calls make you feel fearful or nervous at all?

In my case, they do. Call it telephonophobia if you'd like, but whether they're outbound or inbound calls, just no.

Luckily, incoming calls are an extremely rare occurrence in my daily life, other than my carefully planned work meetings, and I don't really have the need to call anyone, either. Thank the Lord for social media and SMS, setting aside the negatives.

It's not that bad of a fear, though. I'm okay with phone calls from friends and a few family members every now and then, but not as much with unknown numbers. It's the not being able to predict what they'll say that drives me mad, I guess.

Which is ironic, because I worked in customer service and dispatching for a year, nonetheless.

Back in those days, this is what waking up every morning felt like (knowing that I had a full-time shift ahead):

So I don't really regret leaving that life behind. In the slightest.

While it did make me feel much better to be able to rehearse what I'd say before a call and to have a vague idea of its possible outcomes, that didn't make the job any more enjoyable for people like me.

Coming up with something worthwhile to say in under a week is already a big challenge for me, let alone in less than a second. My brain's CPU must not have enough capacity for that type of task, leaving me drained after a whole day of trying.

Surprisingly, there was a time in which I was making a great effort to overcome my fear of talking back in 2018. I was doing it out of spite, actually.

You see, a convenience store owner mocked my mom because I was terrified of calling over a newspaper carrier that was passing by once. I got so angry at him that I decided I wouldn't let my shyness get in my way too much ever again.

I went all-in, running all kinds of errands for my family with seeming confidence, plus this one instance of having the ovaries to order a super personal thin crispy ham pizza over the phone and get the delivery myself. And, yes, that's how I could've ordered it in just one short sentence instead of going through 3 questions, had I checked their website before dialing.

Jumping to late 2021, as the adrenaline from my newfound outgoing and social self started to wear off, I ended up landing my very first job as a call center agent the day I finished my first year of college.

I dropped out of college as soon as I got hired, because Accounting and my family weren't any more tolerable than angry customers, and up to this day I admire that Naomi's courage in getting emancipated at the same time she was trying to overcome these telephonophobia-ish issues.

It was an okay experience. I was assigned to a tech support position where we worked with restaurant managers mostly, and needed to study the product to know how to troubleshoot it, meaning customers saw us in a very different light from that of telecommunications or retail agents.

We also dealt with way fewer daily customers, because calls lasted anywhere from 1 minute to 6 hours, and my department, in particular, had up to 1+ hour of no calls coming through (a.k.a "waiting") sometimes.

The work ambiance was overall good from my perspective as a newbie. So much, that I missed it every day once I got promoted and relocated to another, delivery-related, more peculiar client.

That one I hated thanks to my boss, plus the distance between my house and the office didn't help, either. Still, I preferred it a hundred times over "going back to the phones".

The dread I felt every time I heard that little beep-y song before an incoming call was very, very real.

Anyway.

Fast forward to the time I was 4 months into my second job as a dispatcher for a garage company. I hated it.

The workload was considerably lighter in comparison to my previous roles, and I was thrilled about working from home, but I just couldn't take the morning dread anymore, as their customers were often angry and I wasn't trained enough for it and quit.

Had I not done that, I wouldn't have found the closest there is to my dream job in this industry just a month and a job abandonment later. So, I'm living proof that you also need to know when to give up and give in to your intuition.

I'd be ecstatic if we, as a society, finally accepted that this would be the world if we transitioned from call-based customer support to a chat-based, or at least 50-50 one:

I don't care how many articles and corporate training modules out there insist on how vital phone calls are, no human being loves being yelled at by some psycho who thinks they're entitled to venting over the phone in such a rude manner with someone who's not even at fault for their problem.

But, of course, it's much easier to talk about the importance of leaving a good impression on even the most annoying of your clients as a super-rich CEO who hasn't met any of their customer support agents, let alone said clients.

I do get the part of wanting to have a business-client connection, the human touch, and whatnot, but I feel like there are many situations where we can avoid the whole phone call thing for a more convenient, less intrusive chat experience.

Let's take BAC Credomatic (bank) and PedidosYa (delivery services), to demonstrate.

They both have functional apps from which you can get stuff done anywhere, anytime along with efficient chat-based customer support lines that allow you to get most issues fixed immediately or have your requests submitted over a quick 1-5 minute chat.

As their customer, I feel extremely satisfied in that regard. Then again, I've had a few inconveniences with their services in the first place...

Sadly, since barely anyone enjoys being a phone agent and chatting is still in the process of gaining popularity in the customer service industry, the so-called "backend" positions that encompass messaging and emailing tend to be used as incentives instead of actual positions you can apply to from the start.

Kinda sucks to be an introvert or have any type of social anxiety as both a customer with a big problem at hand and a customer service representative, you know?

I'm not completely against phone calls now that I don't have to experience a constant fear of dealing with an angry person at some point throughout the day, but still believe that chat is my personal strong suit.

It has a few noteworthy advantages over calls such as:

The fastness in being able to individually tackle more than one chat at a time.

The comfort of being able to think your answer through for a bit before sending it.

You could have a dog barking next to your phone and it wouldn't affect the conversation… if you don't want it to.

The fact messaging using Meta apps doesn't pull out as much mobile data as the calls do.

Of course, one disadvantage is it doesn't necessarily ensure a real-time conversation. And funnily, that's an advantage, too! It means you don't really need to wake up at midnight to talk with someone on the other side of the planet. Also, while it feels comforting to hear a nice human voice, it's just as possible to lie or be lied to during a phone call as it is when texting someone.

At this point, the overall safest communication method would be video calls if it wasn't possible to use filters or fake them in any other way altogether.

Technology's scary, isn't it?

That's why, if I were to provide sensitive information, I wouldn't be capable of ignoring who could be lurking behind these screens. Would much rather do delicate stuff at a reputable branch of whatever business I'm trusting it with than one that can't even have that decency.

This leads me to the question, are there cases where calls are better than chatting or writing? Absolutely, even I'd be willing to call someone I haven't seen in months.

But the fact that everyone, including blind and handless people, can choose between calling and chatting is a beautiful thing.

Our real peak as humanity is precisely this ability to have preferences of ours, no matter who we are.

And by now you probably figured out mine is texting.

You'll just never ever catch me choosing to call someone instead of sending them a message as part of my daily activities.

What about you? Do you prefer writing your thoughts, or talking them?

Until next time!

- N

[watchmegetobsessed]

Never Have I Ever - Harry Styles (part 4)

i hope yall enjoyed the last part, we took a sudden and quite dirty turn ther,e but we are heading down romantic street and its all sweet and cute with a little hotness. let me know what you thought about the part!

pairing: Harry x actress!reader

word count: 4.7k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Harry Styles managed to leave quite the impression in you following his late night visit after the Emmys. He surely surprised you with not only the unbelievable orgasm he gave you with his talented fingers, but also with how big of a gentleman he really was, so keen on taking you out on a date first before he would kiss you. The timeline got a little messed up and he did apologize before he left at two in the morning for getting too carried away, but you assured him he didn’t do anything you didn’t want him to. To be honest, you wouldn’t have had a word against him kissing you right away, but you liked the respect he had for you, not something you’ve had plenty of lately. The men you dealt with in the past year were eager to get into your pants without the respect part, only hungry to earn fame through you, trying to blind you with sex so you wouldn’t realize their ugly motives.

This was not a threat when it came to Harry, he was just as famous as you, maybe even more. He had his own career, his own money, his own life apart from yours and he clearly wasn’t trying to use you and it was quite a refreshing change for you.

He stayed and the two of you talked so much, just sharing crazy stories from your life before and after fame, enjoying that you had someone who shared more or less the same background as you. Apart from Florence, you pretty much kept your old friends when your career took off, afraid to make new ones, always feeling a little paranoid that new people would have unholy motives when they try to befriend you.

Though you truly love your friends, they don’t really see behind the life you are living, while Harry completely does. His company is the best you’ve had in a long time, he is able to make you completely forget about everything outside the room you two are in.

You tried your best to hide your disappointment when he left that night. After offering him to stay in one of your guest bedrooms, he politely turned it down, and even though you could tell he wanted to stay, the urge to be a gentleman was greater in him, something you admire him for.

He left with the promise to see you soon on a real date and he got you as excited as a little school girl on the day of a fieldtrip.

However, given the lifestyles you two were living, finding a suitable evening for the both of you turns out to be a bigger struggle than you expected. Harry reaches out right the next day after his little visit. A good morning text waits for you by the time you open your eyes in the noon and by the evening he asks you out, however you have to realize the date has to wait a little.

You have two trip outside the city upcoming in the next two weeks and he is also planning to fly back to London for a while, the trips totally crashing in the timeline, not even having just the smallest window that would fit the both of you.

Accepting the fact that it would have to wait a little longer, you keep in close touch, eager to find the date that would finally be suitable for you and him as well. Endless texts, sweet calls and sneaky FaceTimes scatter through the days you spend apart and you find it hard to think of a time when he wasn’t hitting you up all the time.

On a Thursday evening, after a long day of fittings for upcoming events, you find yourself sitting on your couch with a sweet glass of wine, scrolling through your social media feeds when something catches your eyes.

Harry has been away in Los Angeles in the past few days and he mentioned having an interview the other day, but you didn’t think it would be out so soon, but here it was, a short video clip cut out by some random page that had a rather interesting title.

“Harry Styles talks about next album and mystery girl in his life.”

Your curiosity is way too strong not to click on it and have a look at it, so taking a sip from your wine you tap on the link and let the video load.

“It’s been some time since your last album came out, have you been working on new music lately?” the interviewer asked from behind the camera as Harry sat on a lilac sofa, wearing black high-waisted pants with a pink and white floral printed shirt tugged into it, his suspenders topping the look perfectly. His green eyes are fixed on the person asking him as he nods.

“Yeah, I think I never really stop making new music. I do have sessions when I’m trying to put a new album together, but I also write in the meantime as well, whenever I have an idea or inspiration. I don’t hold back,” he adds with a cheeky smile.

“Have you found any inspiration lately?” the question is heard and Harry nods once again.

“I have, actually,” he answers shortly, but his smirk gives it away that there’s a lot more behind his words and you feel your heart flutter in your chest. Is he talking about you?

“Has it been a person?” the reporter inquires, making Harry’s smile grow wider.

“A lot of things and people inspire me.”

“Alright, and is your latest inspiration something or someone new in your life?” the guy tries again, even though it’s well known that Harry likes to give vague answers instead of straight yeses and nos.

“Kind of new,” he simply answers and the reporter realizes he won’t be sharing more about the topic so he moves on with the next question and the video cuts out right there.

Though it wasn’t mentioned that he was talking about someone in particular, his fans drew the assumption that he is definitely seeing someone who has been his inspiration behind his new music. Feeling bold and a little flirty, you open up your messages and send him a quick text.

“A kind of new inspiration, huh?”

His reply comes almost right away, as always.

“Have you been stalking fanpages about me?”

“Would it be weird?”

“From you? It’s flattering. Little scary, but in a good way.”

You can’t help but chuckle reading his words. He never fails to make you laugh, you find his humor your favorite kind, never hurtful, but a little spicy, if you could say that, a lot of irony laced into it.

“Back to the topic: what’s your inspiration? Or should I ask… who is your inspiration?”

“Not gonna beat around the bush and just admit it…”

You wait and wait… and wait, but nothing comes afterwards and you are dying to have him admit that it’s been you, but not even the three dots appear at the bottom, so you take the lead again.

“Well, do it. Admit it, Styles!”

The fucker likes your message right away, meaning he has been in the thread all along, waiting for you to write something.

“Alright, but don’t tell anyone, because she is kinda famous and I don’t want the media to find out about it.”

“You have my silence.”

You watch the three dots dance at the bottom, holding your breath while you sink your teeth into your bottom lip, trying to contain your wide grin that’s been plastered across your face this whole time.

When the text finally arrives you snort loudly, almost spilling your wine, laughing so hard you are happy you don’t like in a tiny apartment anymore with paper walls, because your neighbor would have definitely heard your laughter all the way down the hallway.

“It’s Betty White. Fuck, she is all I can think about.”

You need a minute to stop the laughter and type your reply.

“She is hot, gotta give you that.”

“Right?? I hope she is not afraid to date younger guys though.”

“I’m sure she would make an exception for you.”

“I hope so too.”

There’s a short pause, where you just read back his lines, chuckling to yourself some more. He always has a witty comment or comeback, no matter what you’re talking about and not once has he made you laugh madly on a set, at a meeting or just lying in bed before going to sleep.

“Joke aside, would it scare you away if I said I have definitely written about you?”

“Is this another theoretical question? Like the one you asked me on Ellen?”

You smile to yourself thinking back at the conversation the two of you had on the show when he was trying to figure out if you’d be up to give him your number.

“Maybe. So theoretically, would that be weird to you?”

“No,” you write, but quickly send another text. “But you know, it’s just theory. You’d have to tell me for real to find out.”

“Should have saw that coming…”

“Yeah, you really should have,” you muse to yourself, finishing up your glass and you carefully put it to your coffee table before sliding further down on the couch to get back to the conversation with Harry. You see that he hasn’t sent anything after his last one, so you decide to actually answer his question.

“Joke aside from my part, I wouldn’t find it weird. I think it’s flattering.”

“Okay, because I was ready to burn all my notes if you said it would be too much.”

“What if you’d be burning a Grammy worthy song though?”

“Would be a shame. But I would still burn it for you.”

“You are such a flirt…”

“Can’t help it! Or should I not be?”

“I like it. So don’t change.”

“Noted.”

Your little conversation has to come to an end since he is about to go into a meeting, but when you say your goodbyes and decide it’s time to head to bed, you already know a text will be waiting for you when you wake up in the morning.

Days and even weeks go by and you start to have a little too much on your plate. No matter how much you love your job and that it has always been your dream, sometimes you just need a breather. In the past week you’ve been in and out of auditions for a movie they keep top secret, you didn’t even get a script, just a few pages you had to memorize and they’ve been asking for more and more tapes from you with kind of absurd requests, but your agent told you it’s something major, that’s why they are so secretive. However, when they ask you to come in for another reading for the fifth time in seven days and you still don’t know what you are really auditioning for, you are kind of starting to have enough with all your other projects running at the same time. Your days start at six in the morning and rarely end before eleven in the night.

An entire month after the night Harry came over to your place, you kind of lose patience. The frustration that’s been building up inside you just simply bursts when your agent texts you on your way home that you’d have to go in for another casting in the morning for the same mystery movie.

“Have they not seen my face enough?” you snap, hands meeting the wheel as you keep your eyes on the road ahead of you.

“I’m sorry, Hun. I know it’s annoying, but they requested you, that means you are still an option for them.” Mona’s voice comes through the speakers of the car since your phone is connected to it.

“Do they need me to read the whole fucking Bible in front of a camera or what?” you growl.

“I have a good feeling about this last one, alright? And if they still can’t decide after that, we can always just say that we want out.”

“Then I would be labelled as the problematic little princess,” you sigh, knowing well how this industry works. Just one mistake and you can easily end up in a theoretical ditch.

“Just hold on a little longer, okay? I’ll send you the details in email and we’ll talk more tomorrow.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Bye, girl.”

Mona is an angel. She’s been your agent for about five years now, she is the one who gets you into castings, well, at least that’s what she was doing before you managed to reach your breakthrough. She got your name on lists you couldn’t even dare to dream of and she is the reason why you are here today. Now she mostly handles requests for you to go in for castings, creators started to reach out to you a while ago, though Mona still works her magic sometimes to get you into castings that are still out of your league.

By the time you get home, you are desperate to do something. Anything. You’ve been nonstop working these past weeks and you just need to get out of this loop that sucked you in. Before you could even think through what you’re doing, you dial Harry’s number.

He is back in the city, that you know of because he texted even before he got home. You both ditched the idea of having your date today, because you just knew it would be a long day for you, and it’s the truth, it’s past ten, so not quite ideal for a date, but you ran out of fucks to give.

“Y/N? Everything alright?” he asks, noticing that you called, which is not what you usually do, or at least not without checking in if he is free to talk.

“Yeah, sorry I called so randomly. Are you busy?” you ask, feeling a little out of breath, even though you definitely didn’t do anything physically hard. You just can’t help but feel anxious since you are about to ask him out on a spontaneous date.

“No, just… packing and all that. What’s up?”

“So you don’t have anything to do right now?” you clear up.

“No,” he chuckles.

“Alright, so then… what do you say we have that date now?”

Even with him always being so blunt and open about how interested he is in you, it still makes you perfect to ask him out. The silence that comes from his side doesn’t necessarily help either and you are already preparing yourself to get rejected.

“You know it’s ten pm, right?” he then asks, a little unsure if you really thought it through.

“I am aware, yes.”

“Don’t you have work in the morning? I know you always start your days so early, I don’t want to be the reason why yo—“

“Harry,” you stop him midsentence. “I do not give a fuck about what I’m doing in the morning,” you bluntly tell him and you can tell he is smiling on the other end of the call. “So the question is still the same. Do you want to have that date now?”

He doesn’t ask anything else, just simply say the following: “I’ll pick you up in thirty.”

“Make it twenty,” you tell him and end the call before he could protest.

Ignoring the adrenaline rush you that just washed over your body you quickly make your way to the bathroom to take the quickest cold shower before putting on some clean clothes. You really don’t want to overdo it, knowing well since it’s so abrupt he wouldn’t be taking you anywhere that would require you look spotless. You choose not to put on any makeup, not just because you don’t have the time, but also because you feel a weird urge to just be bare, be yourself around him. The same goes for your outfit. You put aside all designer clothes and opt for a simple pair of jeans, a black tank top and a bright yellow knitted jumper over it, looking awfully casual, but feeling rather comfortable.

It takes Harry 22 minutes to get to your place, but you choose not to comment on those two extra minutes when you get into his car. Luckily, he isn’t dressed to impress either, wearing a simple pair of jeans with some kind of washed out, vintage printed tee shirt with his Bode Jacket he has worn in his famous SNL episode. His hair looks a little mess and even wet, making you wonder if your call caught him in the middle of a shower or he showered after you agreed to meet up.

“Long time no see,” he smiles at you, his boyish smirk making your heart flutter so easily as he eyes you while you buckle yourself up.

“You had plenty of paparazzi photos to look at in the meantime, Mr. Styles,” you smirk at him teasingly as he starts the car and leaves from in front of your complex.

“My favorite was the ones of you where you were walking out of a restaurant wearing that silk dress and the coat.”

“So you did see pap pictures?” you ask chuckling, you didn’t mean it entirely, but you find it funny that he actually saw pictures of you.

“You know, it’s been hard to avoid you online, especially because I keep liking all your posts so my phone thinks I’m interested in you. Which is true, and I’m not complaining about the content I’ve been seeing about you lately,” he admits chuckling and your eyes wander down to his ring clad fingers on the wheel. Your thoughts take you back to when they were touching you at places you haven’t been touched in a while. How they felt inside you and how desperate he could make you with just his hands.

You force yourself to look away from his hands and focus on the present time before your arousal becomes way too evident.

“Sorry I’m everywhere,” you smirk at him, enjoying the situation maybe a little too much.

“Don’t be,” he chuckles, glancing in your way for a moment, his green eyes meeting your gaze. “I don’t mind it,” he adds and those damn butterflies as quick to act up again in your stomach.

You don’t try to get him to tell where you are headed, wanting it to be a surprise yourself, so you just stare out at the night city as it runs past you, still quite a lot of people walking on the streets even though it’s now nearing eleven.

What you know is that you’re still in Manhattan and it seems like you won’t leave it either. Harry navigates his way through the city easily, he is not even using GPS, something you could never do. No matter how long you’ve been living here, you’ll always get lost in this jungle some call New York City. About fifteen minutes after leaving your complex, Harry parks the car down in a spot he found along the road, and looking out the window you’re trying to figure out where you are, but it doesn’t ring a bell. Seems just like a usual part of the Upper West Side, so now he has you curious about his plans.

“Where did you bring me, Mr. Styles?” you ask him as the two of you meet on the sidewalk and he glances at your with a sly smirk.

“Since you gave me such a short notice about our date, I thought I would show you one of my favorite places in the city and I hope you haven’t it.” “Well, I can assure you I don’t know it, because I have no idea what could be here,” you admit.

Harry nods at you to follow him and you walk side by side until the next corner.

“I think you already know that I’m English,” he starts off, making you chuckle.

“Yeah, it’s pretty evident,” you nod.

“So, in the past decade I haven’t spent as much time in the UK as I wanted, and a few years ago I discovered a little piece of my home in the city.”

Trying to figure out what he meant by that you don’t even realize where you just took a turn to. Harry stops and you snap out of your thoughts, looking up and seeing a charming little street ahead you, looking totally out of place in the city’s fashion. The townhouses all the way down look like they’ve been placed here straight from England, the Tudor style complex is a refreshing change in the fast paced, busy streets of Manhattan.

You can’t help but gasp at the sight in front of you, taking in every tiny detail with your eager eyes as the feeling of being in a fairytale takes over your mind. If only it weren’t for the busy noises of the streets around the micro-neighborhood, you would completely believe that you’ve been magically teleported to England.

“It’s called the Pomander Walk. Always makes me feel like I’m home away from home whenever I miss my family and my hometown.”

Harry starts walking down the narrow pavement that runs between the houses, lined with quite some greenery, something you noticed right away. There are just so many plants and flowers down the street, it’s pretty clear the residents keep them in good care.

You catch up with Harry, eyes still taking in the pleasant contrast Pomander Walk has to offer for any visitors.

“I feel like we are invaders,” you tell him. It looks so secluded, makes you feel like you weren’t even supposed to be here.

“Don’t worry, it’s totally public. The people who live here are pretty nice too. Love it when someone comes around.”

“How did you find this place?”

“A friend told me about it and just came to see it for myself one day,” he tells you as the two of you slowly make your way down the street, slow enough so you could see everything. “There are 61 units and they were built in 1921 by Thomas J. Healy. He originally wanted to build a hotel here, but didn’t have the money to just yet, so he built these instead to make some cash for the hotel. He never got to do that though, died a few years later, so Pomander Walk stayed.” You listen to him, soaking in every word that leaves his lips, finding his oddly specific knowledge about this place quite exciting and… kinda hot. You could listen to him talk about historical facts for days without getting bored.

“The whole complex was renovated in 2009, they restored a bunch of architectural details that lost through the years.”

“Looks fantastic. I wonder what they look like on the inside,” you muse, your eyes wandering over the colorfully painted old school window blinds on most of the townhouses.

Walking down the pavement you realize there’s not a single soul around here, something you don’t get to experience too often in the city.

“It’s not too well-known, right? I don’t see any tourists and all that.”

Harry shakes his head, eyes ahead of him as he hides his hands in his pockets.

“No, ‘s quite hidden, not often listed in sights to be seen in the city. That’s why I like to come here so much.”

“Easy to stay unnoticed,” you add with a smile as your eyes meet his gaze and he nods, returning the smile.

You walk back and forth on the street at least five times, just talking and sharing and laughing, finally falling out of the misery of your everydays. He still amazes you with how good of a company he is, with his broad view of life and many experiences, you can truly connect with him on a level you haven’t been able to reach with anyone in a long time.

It’s way over midnight when you head back to his car, holding hands that happened at a point earlier, but you can’t tell who reached for who. It was kind of mutual, but now you didn’t want to let go of him… ever. You let your fingers play with his S ring on his pinky while he keeps running his thumb over the back of your hand whenever he has the chance. It’s a little disappointing when you have to let go of each other when you climb back into his car and head back home.

“I know this date wasn’t much, but I hope you liked it,” he smiles at you shyly before his eyes snap back at the road ahead of him.

“Shut up, this was literally the best date I’ve had,” you tell him making him chuckle. “Thank you for showing it to me.”

“Now it’s your secret place too. Maybe we’ll run into each other here one day.”

“I’ll definitely come back,” you admit smirking.

The city lights pass by you faster than you want them to, and you arrive to your complex way too early. Well, not according to the time, because it’s way past half past midnight now, but you just don’t want the night to end. However, you know Harry would not come up if you asked. He is way too big of a gentleman and he wouldn’t want to make you miss your appointment in the morning, but you are definitely collecting that kiss he promised a month or so ago.

“Walk me up, will you?” you ask him softly when he parks down in front of your building. He nods and follows you inside without a second thought.

You both know it’s about to happen, the air thickens between you two in the elevator and neither of you can hold back the small smiles on your lips. Harry walks next to you until you reach your front door and you turn to face him, his green eyes already examining your every move.

“I’m happy we finally got to do this,” you tell him, feeling a blush warming your cheeks from the way he looks at you now.

“I’m glad you called. Was starting to think we would never meet again,” he chuckles making you laugh as well. It really did feel like the universe was plotting against you, but you bet it didn’t expect your sudden move tonight.

There’s a longer pause where neither of you knows what to say or do next and your patience is running low, especially when you see him run his tongue over his pink lips. You just can’t wait any longer to taste them.

“Harry,” you breathe out, the frustration and desire at an all-time high now in your system. Never in your life did it take this long for you to get to a kiss with a guy you were clearly interested in and who returned the feeling as well.

“Yeah?”

“Swear to my lost Emmy Award if you don’t kiss me right now I’ll—“

You don’t get to finish, you don’t even know what you’d have said, but it’s all forgotten when Harry kisses you hard, hands cupping your jaw on both sides, angling your head to grant him the best access to your lips. You return the kiss without a second thought, hungrily tugging and pulling on his lips, your tongues meeting in the middle and fuck! He really knows how to make your toes curl with just a kiss. You grab a fistful of his t-shirt at his stomach, pulling him close and the cold touch of his rings on your skin makes you shudder. Everything about him makes your legs turn into jelly and you are willingly offering yourself to him without a doubt.

He pushes you against your front door, one of his hands wanders down to your waist and he gives it a gentle squeeze that makes you open your mouth more for him. You are a mess and so is he. You have no idea how long you make out, but when you eventually pull back, your chest is heaving and your lips feel swollen. Harry pecks your lips two more times before forcing himself to let go of you.

“Good night, Y/N,” he murmurs in a low voice as he starts to back towards the elevator.

“Good night, Harry,” you say a little out of breath. He smirks at you one last time before walking into the elevator and the doors close, officially ending your first date.

 PREVIOUS PART

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[writingsfromhome]

Crystal Clear

A/N: Here’s some fluff, friends to lovers I’ve had going on while I work on something bigger :))

----------------------------------------

“Y/N,” a strange man calls my name. I look him up and down but I don’t think I know him.

“Who’s asking?”

“Y/N, it’s me? Harry.”

“Oh,” I laugh and greet him how I would have if I’d recognized him under all those layers, in a great big hug. “Your disguise is brilliant!”

“It’s not a disguise,” he says into his coat. “It’s bloody cold here.”

“Coldest day so far,” I accept the hot chocolate from the vendor and ask him for another, Harry could use one, poor thing. His plans this week were changed last minute, and since he was in New York City where his best childhood friend lived, he decided to actually hang out with me. Ever since he got famous, it was hard to catch time with him.

“Did the cold freeze all the English out of you? You’re not even wearing mittens,” Harry accepts his own cup from the vendor.

“I’m got them in my pocket,” I point to the bulge on the side of my coat as we step aside and make our way deeper into the winter festival that was at Bryant Park. “Don’t insult me, I can still make a better cup of tea than you ever could.”

“There she is,” I hear the smile in Harry’s voice more than I see it. It truly was ridiculous--not only was he wearing the thickest parka I’d ever seen, he also had on a beanie and a scarf, as well as knit gloves that held tightly to his hot chocolate.

“I’m always here, you’re just too busy to see me.”

“Not this again,” he groans. I was always giving him grief every time he touched down to NYC but didn’t pop by for a visit. I knew he had a hectic schedule, and even though I wasn’t that bothered I still liked to tease him.

“It’s true, you come to the city so often but I see you once a year. And maybe again when I’m in London if I get lucky.”

“I’m busy Y/N, I talk to you all the time!”

“I know,” I elbow him. “I just like to rile you up.”

“Well now that you’ve got that out of your system,” he tugs my hat over my eyes. “Where are we going next?”

I push it back up, “I thought we could just wander the shops, then get on the skating rink if you’re not frozen to death.”

“Alright I’ve got to pick some gifts up anyway let’s see what’s here.”

We make a good team as we visit stands selling ornaments and kitschy decor, handmade gifts, and hot cider. We sift through exactly what we might want, or what the other’s looking for. And with the light dusting of snow coming down, and the bright lights strung around the Park, it was like walking in a Christmas movie.

“Look at this,” I point ahead. We’d nearly visited all the stands and holiday shops but a festive psychic advertises their services in a small glass booth. “Should we?”

“It’s a waste of money,” Harry scoffs. “She’s just going to read your body language.”

“She might be the real deal-”

“You can’t be serious-”

“C’mon!” I tug his gloves hand and it takes a few but he stumbles towards me. It’s slightly warmer inside and I notice the space heater running in the corner. “At least it’s warm” I whisper to Harry.

“You really want to do this?” He asks one last time.

“It’s just $10-”

“$20 for the two,” the woman almost shifts out of the wall and I hide my jump with a laugh. There’s a curtain behind her, I realize, she must have stepped out.

“It’s just me,” I clarify.

She eyes Harry and Harry eyes her back. “You look familiar.”

“Just have that face,” he shrugs, burrowing into his scarf. “I’m just here to watch.”

She stares at him a moment longer before settling at the small table. I flash Harry a smile before sitting down myself, setting my bags onto the floor.

“Palm reading, cards, what will it be dear?” The psychic asks. I remember the sign out front said cards would be more than having my palm read so I opt for the cheaper option.

“Hm,” she says thoughtfully as she traces the lines on my palm. I wriggle my eyebrows at Harry and he rolls his eyes, but he stays watching her like a hawk. It was cute how overprotective he got sometimes. The psychic glances up to catch him watching her, she then glances at me and tilts her head.

“I see longevity, in life and love, a few bumps but you’re a strong persistent woman.”

Harry grumbles behind me and I resist the urge to say something to him.

“I see success after hard, hard work. But a big success that will change the course of your career.”

“Wow, how soon?” I ask.

“Mmm, after a big milestone. Turning 30?” she continues to examine my hand. “I see a second life later in life, with kids...just one no maybe two children.”

“How about her love life?” Harry asks. “Her last love s’not too nice.”

“Seriously Harry?” I turn to glare this time. He’s grinning with flushed cheeks, knowing it was a sore spot he liked to say i told you so to. It was true, he had told me so about my 3 year relationship but I’d ignored him.

“Your love life,’ the woman speaks up. “Shows me two great loves. One cuts short, the other is as long as your life line.”

“Ooh,” I lean in, interested. “I think I know about the one that was cut short. Tell me about the second!”

“This second...” she traces my palm and I feel a tingle. “This second love is very close, a bit rocky but it will last.”

“A bit rocky?”

“Hm,” she chews her bottom lip. “Time, distance...it will make it rocky. But it lasts.”

“So how close is close?” I ask eagerly.

“Close,” she says with a smile that tells me I wasn’t getting anything else out of her.

“That’s a bit vague isn’t it?” Harry pipes up from the back.

“The future isn’t always crystal clear,” she says without looking up at him.

“Lay off,” I scold him.

“It’s okay, I get nonbelievers all the time.” She laughs. “That will be $10 dear.” When I hand her the bill she stops me as she takes it. “A little free advice?”

“Sure.” I pick up the bags I placed on the floor earlier.

"Don’t be so focused on the life you want that you don’t see the life you have around you.”

“I’ve actually told her that before,” Harry decides we want more of his unsolicited opinions. “Maybe there is something true to all of this.”

“Thanks,” I pocket her words for later. Harry was right, he’d said something along those lines to me before, especially when it came to giving up control and going with the flow on trips and events with him. I always declined his offers, we lived a modest life growing up and accepting these gifts from him always felt so excessive. I wanted to make my own way in the world, but Harry always had something to say. “And sorry for his attitude, he’s not always this rude.”

“Yeah,” Harry shifts forward. “I didn’t mean anything by it, I’m a lot nicer usually.”

“I know,” she smiles.

“She’s psychic,” I remind him.

“I’m also online,” she laughs. “Can I get a picture?”

Harry eyes me, before going in for a selfie with her. I know he usually didn’t mind getting asked in smaller settings but he’d admitted it was something he was still getting used to. It had been a couple years since he became so famous, in such a short amount of time I went from being able to go down to a local pub with my best friend to schedules and security details and a whole other list of complications. Sometimes I hated it, mostly I was happy for him.

“Another day, another fan.” I tell Harry after we walk away from the psychic and he flips me off. “Should we get something to eat and get out of the cold?”

“God yes,” Harry shivers. “Can we just go to yours?”

“Let’s go,” I loop my arm through Harry’s.

Harry wants instant warmth so he hails a cab and we pick up takeout once we reach my neighbourhood. Harry had been here a few times, my roommate had gotten used to the fact that I was best friends with him, and sometimes he preferred to stay here when he wanted to be anonymous. Paparazzi sometimes crowded outside his hotel when word leaked he was there.

We eat ourselves into a food coma and Harry decides to stay the night, not wanting to face the cold again. Since our living room couch sprained his neck the only time he’d slept there, he usually crashed in my bed. His head barely hits the pillow before he’s snoring, I guess the jet lag finally caught up.

***

I jerk out of sleep, a crashing noise followed by swearing catches my attention.

“I think your roommate dropped something,” I hear from beside me. I turn my face to get a facefull of Harry’s thigh tattoos.

“Y’think?” I croak and shift backwards to see his face. He’s sitting up in bed and scrolling through his phone.

“Guess which psychic is officially internet-famous?” Harry asks dryly.

“Hm?” I’m still calming my heart from waking up so suddenly so it takes a moment to register Harry’s words. “What?”

He shoves his phone in my face, the selfie he took with the psychic yesterday is posted on social media with over half a million likes. He swipes away and a lot of his tag is filled with news outlets and fan accounts spamming the picture. He pulls it back to read a heading: “Harry Styles visits Psychic for ideas on his next album. There’s also Harry Styles rumored to be connected to the Occult...I don’t know what that means. Psychic tells all on Harry Styles reading.”

“How did that picture circulate?” I rub my eyes and sit up beside him. “And where is all of this coming from?”

“She has a Twitter, and she posted the picture.” He shows me, it’s there with the caption A handsome face showed up to my booth at the Bryant Park Market tonight. Get your future told, 5pm to 9pm 7 days a week.

I can’t help but laugh, she was a business woman and she really took the opportunity to sell her service.

“It’s not funny Y/N,” Harry looks furious so I cover my mouth and squint at his screen as he scrolls. A ton of people are responding asking about his future or what he came there for. Amongst them, she responds to only one person: His love life was involved.

My jaw drops, “That’s such a lie! She read me my love life, and life lines!”

“I told you she was a fraud,” Harry jerks the phone back to him.

“She lied for sales, but doesn’t mean she didn’t tell the truth yesterday.”

“If she lied about this she lied about it all and you wasted $10. She only talked about your love life, not mine...”

I remember her words, my second love was very close...could she have meant...

I glance at Harry and he seemed to have followed the same train of thought because we lock eyes, his probably just as wide as mine.

“D’you think?” he says just as I say “Was she...?”

We immediately burst out laughing as the tension comes to a head and bubbles over in a safe trickle.

“Is that what she was trying to say?” I say when I’ve finally caught my breath, my stomach hurt from laughing this hard.

“I guess when she said close she meant close,” Harry’s flat on his back from laughing. “Quite literal.”

“And you were calling her out on being so vague.”

“I’ve got to give it to her,” he shuts his phone off and throws it onto the covers between us, releasing the annoyance. “She’s a good businesswoman.”

“I was thinking the same thing but I thought you might kill me if I said that,” I admit.

We lay on the rumpled covers in silence, I think about everything else she said. The potential of it all is tarnished by the idea of Harry being my second love, for life. It was so ridiculous, unless by love she meant the way I love him now. As my best friend. Our lives were so different, there was no way it could ever work. Not to mention...he was my best friend since forever.

“Have you ever thought about it?” Harry asks out of the blue.

“Thought about what?” I prop myself on my elbow.

“Us, like...the way she predicted?”

“Together together?” I can’t help but laugh. “No never, you’re my best friend!” I recognize the flash of hurt so I backtrack a little. “No offense Harry, I love you but could you imagine?”

“I have,” he says it so quietly as I lay back down. “What?” I ask. He shrugs, “I’m surprised you haven’t. We’ve been friends since...we were 7. You’re saying you never thought about it?”

“No,” I shake my head. “Actually I haven’t. When...what did you think about?”

“I dunno,” he fiddles with his rings. “Like for school dances, when I didn’t have a date I thought about asking you as more than a friend...thought about where that could lead. Or every time you had your heart broke. I wanted to take the pain away and just show you what you deserved.”

“Harry I...” it was sweet, what he was saying. But he never gave a single clue about it the entire time we grew up. He was always chasing girls who looked nothing like me, so I always thought that’s what his type was. Never did I think about anything more with him.

“Not-not recently though,” he forces a laugh. “Just when we were kids.”

“That’s sweet Harry. I had no idea.”

He shrugs, and sits up.

“No seriously I...that’s so sweet. But just so you know, you have shown me what a good man can be. Just by being the best friend ever.”

“Aw,” he swipes my cheek as he gets up. “That’s cute. I don’t know if I’ve done such a good job when you’ve only dated knobs.”

I could recognize his defense mechanism--turning it into a big joke. But he leaves the room before I can call him out and I’m left sitting in the mess of what he’d just told me. It’s not that it was awkward or a bad thing, but suddenly it felt tense and the tension triggered an anxious feeling in my chest.

I decide to get out of my room and find my roommate cleaning up the remains of her broken mug. I offer to clean the spill as she dresses to go out for her run. Helping her distracts me, and when I hear Harry leave the bathroom I lock myself in, and try some breathing exercises to clear the anxiety creeping up. When I realize I was trying to avoid Harry, I scold myself. This was ridiculous and funny! Harry wanted to ask me out when we were kids, it was cute, and that was it. The psychic was a fake anyway, nothing she said meant anything.

I head back to my room where Harry’s made the bed. I change into trousers and my favourite fisherman sweater, and find him having coffee at our small kitchen table with his phone on speaker as he talks to someone. His legs barely fit underneath, so they’re sprawled to the side. He’s still shirtless, and my attention snags on his torso.

I shake myself out of my thoughts as I bump into the kitchen island, and glance up to see that although he was talking to the person on the phone, his eyes had been on me...while my eyes were on his abs. Oh god, I cringe. I try to act casual, mouthing if he wanted breakfast but he shakes his head and points to the call he’s having.

I make myself a toast and try to ignore what just happened but it only adds to the tension from this morning. When he gets off his call he brings his cup up to the sink.

“I think I need another cup.”

“Be my guest,” I move aside. “You sure you don’t want breakfast?”

“Are you going to feed me avocado flax seed quinoa toast?” he teases.

“There’s no quinoa.” I correct, crossing my arms. “But...yes.”

“I’ll take this banana,” he holds the lone banana on the counter. “I’ve got to be in East Harlem by noon, that’s what the call was about.”

“Aw,” I hated saying goodbye. “Are you busy the rest of your stay?”

“I can make it back here,” he says.

“Do whatever you need to do,” I say. “I’m used to being discarded after you hang out with me in the city.”

“I don’t do that!” he reaches behind me to slot his cup in and set the machine to grind his beans. I can smell my shampoo on him, he must’ve showered. “If you want me back, you can just say that.”

The morning sunlight streaming through the kitchen window leaves no room for shadows; the shift in the mood is clear as the daylight streaming in. Or maybe I was reading too much into his words.

“I always want you back,” I look up to his height now that he’s standing so close, and the kitchen tightens further.

We’re stuck in a tableau; with my back against the fridge looking up at him as he gazes down with a curious expression. My mind grows blank the longer I stare. No one says a word, the sound of beans grinding the only noise in the kitchen.

My best friend in the whole world looks torn standing in front of me like this, and as my senses slowly rush back I realize that even if my expression doesn’t show it...I was torn. Because out of nowhere, all I can think about are all the questions I ever shoved away in the dark: what would it feel like if I kissed him right now? And what would have happened to us if he had asked me out to our school dance? Would we still be best friends? Would we have cut each other out? How many universes were we still good together like this? How many universes were we good together as more than this?

An urge to touch his face, make sure this was real, takes over me. But as soon as my fingers brush his cheek he snaps out of his trance and stumbles back like I’d burned him.

He forces a laugh. “I really do need that coffee.”

“Right,” I turn to the machine to put the grinds into their slot but I yank too hard and the freshly ground coffee flies out towards me. “Shit!”

“What happ-” Harry takes one look at what’s happened and turns away, his shoulders shaking.

“I can see you right in front of me laughing!” I shout. “Help me!”

“It’s all over you Y/N,” he turns around, tears in his eyes. “Give me this, I’ll put it far away from you.” He takes the remaining grinds and sets it down. I brush away what’s closest to my eyes so I can see and try to shake it off my sweater but they stick to the fibers of the knit.

“Great,” I grumble. “This is dry clean only.”

“It’s in your hair,” he runs his fingers through the strands that hang over my shoulder. I shake my head to dislodge the grinds; his fingers brush my neck away and tucks my hair behind my ear. “Uhm, that should be most of it.”

“It’s not out of this sweater,” I pout. “Screw dry clean, why did I think I could buy dry cleaning clothes?”

“I can drop it off on the way out today?” he offers.

“That means you’re coming back to drop it off to me?!” I ask hopefully.

His expression softens, “Y/N I’m coming back to your flat. I promise.”

“He promises!” I shout. Even though things were a bit awkward this morning, I got to spend more time with my hard-to-catch best friend and for that I was over the moon.

“We could also try to vacuum the sweater?” Harry suggests.

“So you don’t have to come back with dry clean?” I tease. “I’m not letting you get out of your promise, let me give it to you before you change your mind.” I tug my top off and ball it up, shoving it in his hands. It falls to the floor when he doesn’t hold it.

“Hello?” I look up and he’s a deer in the headlights. “Harry...”

“I can’t do this right now,” he takes a step back. I get the sweater from the ground and hold it out to him again.

“Do you want to wipe the kitchen floor with the sweater too? Take it!” I sigh. “Harry are you really acting so chaste about seeing a girl in her bra?”

“It’s-” he decides to stop mid-word. “You’re not just any girl Y/N, I’ve already made it clear.”

Now it’s my turn to stare--he hadn’t made it clear. “You said you only felt something when you were younger...”

“And you believed me?”

I realize I didn’t, but I wanted to believe him so I hadn’t questioned it. “Well it’s not the first time you’ve seen me in a bra. Can you take the damn sweater?” 

“Yeah I can I’m just...” he seems to calm down a bit, enough to step towards me and take it. “I didn’t have to face this conflicted feeling in me if I didn’t see you often. I can just be the best friend. But now, with the whole psychic thing and you in--like this in your kitchen and I--I’m remembering how much I just want to...”

“Kiss me,” I say.

“Yeah...” he looks away.

“No, I’m telling you to kiss me.” I clarify. His expression would’ve made me laugh if my heart wasn’t beating so fast. I couldn’t believe I was being this impulsive.

“Really? You’re not just saying that cuz of this morning?”

“Fine,” I step out of his reach and cross my arms to hide my shaking hands. “If you don’t want to kiss me-”

He pulls me back too quickly and I bump into his chest. “I never said that.” He says in a tone I’d never heard from him before, it’s serious and sexy and it sends tingles through my body. I press myself up against him and he finally, finally, kisses me. Every bit of tension and anxiety the day had built up releases in the single moment his lips cover mine.

How had I waited this long?

The kiss is gentle, delicate like he’s still not entirely sure I want the same thing he does. I show him I do by using my tongue to open his mouth slowly and the hesitation disappears immediately. We’re a fighter jet taking off from there; I don’t know where I end and where he begins as he walks me to the kitchen island and lifts me onto it, our limbs tangling together, His hands roam down the side of my body, but he stays in the safe zones until I unclasp my bra.

“Oh hell no,” my roommate’s voice interrupts us from behind. I hold my bra close and turn. She stands at the entryway, shaking her head. “Not here. Not on our kitchen island. You two have a room literally 10 feet away...”

“Oops,” I say quietly which seems to set Harry off. My roommate is still shaking her head but I see the smile on her face. I’d caught her hooking up on multiple occasions so it wasn’t anything new. But I didn’t do this often. I jump down, apologizing to her. “Harry’s going to clean the coffee off the floor...I-I’ll find a shirt.”

“Mhm,” she closes her bedroom door and I look over at Harry who’s crouching on the floor in tears.

“This is all your fault!” I whisper but he tugs me down to where he is and holds my face as he kisses me.

“I know you two aren’t behind the island,” my roommate’s voice comes out again. I stay there as her footsteps move to the bathroom and the door closes behind her.

“I hate you,” I skirt out of his reach, and rush to my room yelling another sorry as I head back and find a top. Harry appears in my room as I put it on.

“I guess that was a good time for her to walk in on before it got too far?” he still has a stupid grin on his face.

“I don’t even want to think about it,” my cheeks were burning and even more so that Harry was elated.

“I’ve actually got to head out now.”

I pout but he kisses my pout instead. He promises he’ll be back in the evening and I let him go with one more kiss, my mind catching up with everything that just happened.

Oh my god.

***

It’s nearly 8 by the time I’m done running all my errands--taking holidays off for work was usually a good decision for me. I had a big family and picking up all the holiday bits before I flew back home was always a big job. I take an Uber home, I couldn’t handle a 40 minutes trip back home carrying everything home on the subway.

I call out to my roommate when I get in but she doesn’t respond. I check her door and it’s open and dark, the bathroom is also empty. She must have evening plans.

I open my door to a surprise. Harry is sprawled on my bed. He jerks awake when I settle my bags down.

“Y/N?” he squints as I turn the light on.

“How did you get in here?” I shrug my coat off.

“Y’roommate let me in before she left,” he rubs his eyes. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep...I had a whole thing planned.”

I’d gone over the whole morning during my errands, surprised and excited and nervous about this new step for us. But I continued to think about what the psychic said, our love lines extended alongside my life line. Even though there wasn’t much comfort or trust in a psychic who used a photo opp as a marketing opp, what she said had come true. And I put my faith in that, calming my nerves about this new step potentially ruining our friendship forever.

“Was that okay?” Harry sits up. “She didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Oh no that’s fine,” I unwrap my scarf and stand at the foot of my bed. “I really wasn’t sure if you were coming back.”

“Of course I would,” he reaches for my hand. “I wouldn’t leave you after this morning, I’m not that flighty.”

“Well we never really got to talk about it,” I say as I sit down. I’d texted him during the day but it never showed he read it, I wasn’t sure how to read into that; finding him passed out on my room meant he was probably on the go all day.

“Are you okay with this?” he says with such concern, I nearly tear up. This was making me way too emotional.

“I am,” I smile at my best friend in the whole world. “I just don’t want to go too fast.”

“We won’t,” he promises as he holds his arms out. I lean in towards his solid chest and he wraps his arms around me. I feel his breath on my cheek, then his lips in my hair. “I’m yours for eternity Y/N, we can take it as slow or fast as you want.”

It was a good thing to say, and I believe him entirely.

We eventually untangle ourselves to get food in us, and even though things are different, they’re also not. We still pick out the same parts of our food to give the other person, we still talk the same shit and laugh at the same jokes. But his hands grasps mine and his thumb brushes over my knuckles absentmindedly. His eyes stay steady on me as I talk like I’m someone new he’s exploring. We kiss after dinner, but we also load the dishwasher and laugh about the one time I’d managed to burn soup from a can. Eventually we end in my bedroom, where we lay together, our conversation growing quieter by the minute, the space between us growing smaller.

And even though we’d slept like this a hundred times before, it’s different now. I can feel it in every atom of my being, I was his and he was mine. And I don’t know how long it’s been like this for it to feel so easy, but accepting it was a no brainer, like accepting the sky was blue or the sun was hot. I remember the advice the psychic gave, I was following it: living the life I had around me even though it wasn’t the life I thought I would have.

There were a million things Harry and I had to figure out to make this work--I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But I did know that it was right, it was true, and it was going to be forever.

The future may not be crystal clear, but my future with this man was.

[secretly-a-cold-blooded-murderer]

Five Thousand Miles

Warning: Angst, descriptions of covid patients’ suffering, hospitals

A/n: I researched a lot about what covid patients go through in a hospital and their treatments but still took a couple creative liberties so I apologise if the descriptions aren’t accurate. Do tell me how you liked it!

Summary: Y/n tests positive for covid-19 and has to be hospitalised. Her boyfriend, Harry is five thousand miles away from her.

“Harry, I’m scared,” Y/n confessed as she readied herself, struggling with wearing her mask and gloves while also balancing her phone to continue talking to her boyfriend on FaceTime.  

“It’ll be alright, you are taking every precaution you can. Plus, you have to get out of the house sometime, you can’t survive on air alone. Trust me, baby, you can do this.”

Harry’s voice was keeping her grounded, she wanted to continue talking to him but knew it would be impossible to shop and talk to him at the same time, so she nodded at him, “You’re right. Okay, I’ll call you when I get back. Safely.”

Taking a deep breath, she went out the door to a world of germs, people, and newly acquired viruses.

Being in the middle of a pandemic alone wasn’t her favourite situation to be in. It felt better when she had company, people who would help her buy the essentials. As soon as situations eased up a bit, her quarantine partners left New York to be with their families. She was all alone now.  

Looking at all the empty streets, Y/n was left with a weird sensation. The city that never slept had never been quieter. She was so used to being woken up by car horns and car alarms in the morning that during the first few weeks of lockdown, she found it hard to wake before noon. This quiet was almost poetic, like the stuff of post-apocalyptic films. Y/n wasn’t sure if the silence comforted her or terrified her.

There were more people in the store than she had expected, though all in their masks, she breathed in relief. She went straight to the personal hygiene section, remembering the most important item on her list, only to find that the store was all out of toilet papers, the one thing films didn’t guess would be a big problem. She rolled her eyes at the selfish people who had panic-bought more stuff than they would have needed.

She tried every store near her neighbourhood, and eventually was able to get the last set in the final shop she visited. Tired from driving all over the city in search of toilet papers, she went to the check-out line to finally buy her stuff. 

Standing in her place, Y/n noticed the people in the store, few whose foreheads were furrowed, their eyes darting around making sure they were maintaining the mandated distance from others, panic evident on their mask-covered faces. Some others appeared plain bored. Already used to the new routine and just wanting to get it over with. 

She was so lost her observations, she almost didn’t hear it, the woman behind her in the line coughed loudly, making people jump farther apart than the required six feet.

“It’s just allergies,” the woman announced in a nasal voice, rolling her eyes at people’s reaction. 

As Y/n’s turn came at the check-out counter, she found herself frozen to the ground, she didn’t know why but the cough threw her off. It felt weird to react the way she did, but she could not make herself move. She was nervous. She wanted to laugh at herself for feeling this way because of a measly cough, but it wasn’t so simple and right now all she felt was fear.

“Oh for god’s sake,” the woman moved forward, pushing her aside and placed her items at the counter. Even the employee there seemed wary, but knew he had to comply to keep his job.

It was only after the woman left, was Y/n finally able to move, she shook her head as if to shake the incident away from her mind and finally paid for her items.

She ran all the way home, even though she knew she shouldn’t have. She couldn’t help herself, she just wanted to move away from the public and into the safety of her home as soon as she could. 

As she entered her house, Y/n felt her chest tighten, as though someone was sitting on it, she couldn’t breathe properly. It felt like she was breathing through a squished straw. 

In between her wheezing, she searched around for her inhaler in her side bag. She felt her breath coming back a few seconds after she breathed in the medicine. She fell to her knees in exhaustion and took in a few more breaths to calm down.

She then picked herself up and embarked on an extensive set of tasks- Taking off her gloves and mask, removing her shoes at the entrance of her house, washing her hands. But, this somehow didn’t seem enough to her, so she went ahead and took another shower, just to be extra sure.

While in the shower, she cursed her asthma. It wasn’t usually a big hurdle in her life, but now, everything was a hundred times worse. This was the first time she had feared for her life. Her anxiety was at an all-time high and all she had to keep her sane was her daily FaceTime calls with Harry.

Opening her laptop to do her work, she checked the numbers again- seventy thousand new cases. She sighed and closed her laptop, not having the motivation to do any work. She scrolled through her social media to distract herself only to be shoved more news about the coronavirus, she let out a groan of frustration and switched off her phone, deciding to take a nap instead.

Only she couldn’t sleep. She thought back to all the plans she made with Harry, promising him to be there next to him while he toured the globe. She laughed at the situation and how no one in a million years could have guessed the current world state.

She didn’t know when she fell asleep, but she must have as she woke up with a jolt in her bed after a strange dream. She shook her head and looked out her window to see the sky dark. She switched on her phone, it was 8 pm. She cursed to see three missed calls from Harry and one from her friend, Sarah.

Preparing herself, she called Harry. 

“Where were you, I called like three times?” His voice was deeper than usual, she guessed he had just woken up because of her call. She calculated it to be 4 am in London, where Harry was. She felt bad for waking him up like that.

“I know, I switched off my phone and fell asleep. Sorry,” she grimaced.

Harry hummed in acknowledgement, “how you doing?”

She could hear rustling on the other side and imagined a sleepy Harry sitting up in his bed, his hair messy from his sleep, “Just missing ya’.”

“I know, I hate that I had to leave you like that, wish you could come with me,” there was a hint of a whine in Harry’s voice which made Y/n smile.

“Wish I had a visa for England, I really wanted to come too,” and she meant that. At least that way, she wouldn’t have to be alone.

“I’ll video call you tomorrow, it’s late here, or rather early,” what he was saying next was obscured by his yawn. She sighed, she missed him too much.

“Yeah sure, see you tomorrow, bye.”

“Bye.”

When the call disconnected, she messaged Sarah to ask what the call was about, who didn’t respond. She shrugged her shoulders and went down to the kitchen to start preparing for dinner.

~

It started with a headache. She didn’t ponder much on it and instead only took medicine to curb the pain enough to continue working. 

It was when she felt a certain roughness in her throat, did she pay attention. Her cough worsened within days, she was having a hard time breathing normally. It felt like a less severe but constant asthma attack. She took her temperature, which showed her to be having a fever at 101°F. 

It took her some time to even process what was happening to her, she initially wondered if it could be the flu or something non-covid, but she knew she couldn’t take the chances. Harry was the first person she informed.

“What are you saying?!” Harry was frantic, his forehead creased as he ran his fingers through his hair, messing them up.

“I have a fever, a cough, and I’m having difficulty breathing,” counting the symptoms on her fingers, she informed him again.

“It could be the flu, Y/n you didn’t even go outside. How could it be anything else?”

“H, I did go out to buy supplies, didn’t I? Maybe I got infected there somehow. We shouldn’t be kidding ourselves. I have to at least get tested.” You didn’t want to show him just how scared you were, but it was hard to keep your voice from cracking.

“I am scared, H,” you let the tears out. Your shoulders shook while you tried to wipe your tears as they were leaking from your eyes.

Harry closed his eyes, not being able to see you sobbing, “I know baby, but I know you’ll be strong. I will take the next flight to LA. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He promised, his mouth set in a hard line as a strong look of determination crossed his face.

  She shook her head with as much strength she could muster, “No Harry, you shouldn’t keep travelling, plus, you can’t stay with me and I don’t want you staying at some hotel. It’s not safe.”

“Bu—”

“—I won’t hear another word about it. I have Sarah, and you have your work to take care of. I will be fine.”

She knew Harry wanted to say more, object to her claims, she would not be fine. But he knew it would be of no use, once she had made up her mind, it would be impossible to change it. So, he settled for a low nod.

“Keep me updated, I’ll also talk to Sarah. She better be there for it all. You should now call your doctor, see what’s the next step.”

Y/n nodded, smiling that Harry understood. She didn’t want to trouble him. She also wanted to pretend for a few more seconds that this was not a big deal.

She called Dr Gupta, her heart was beating at an all-time high and her energy was at an all-time low. She barely had enough breath to tell her doctor about her situation who booked an appointment for her to go to the nearest covid testing facility.

She took a deep breath, wore her protective gear and drove to the testing lab which was a ten-minute drive from her place. She was already out of breath by the time she reached the place.

When she was done with her test, she felt worse than she had before. Sarah called to check in on her, but Y/n didn’t have the energy to talk so Sarah video-called her, seeing Y/n’s face would have to be enough for her at that point.

Sarah’s eyes softened, seeing her best friend heaving, eyes shut and groaning due to her chest pain. But she knew, more than anything, her best friend was scared.

“I hope with everything that I am that the test comes back negative,” her voice was tinged with worry and genuine hope.

Y/n could only nod.

The call came two days later, Y/n sat up in her bed, she had been dreading this moment these past days, with Harry and Sarah to distract her.

The test came back positive.

She fell back into her bed, cushioned by her pillow and started shaking uncontrollably as she sobbed.

She felt insanely dehydrated by the time she stopped crying, she didn’t even get to call either of her friends. She stood up with a groan, and following one slow step after the other, she went to the bathroom to wash her now tear-stained face.

The call she made to Harry wasn’t an easy one. She knew he would take the news worse than she had, and her reaction was not a light one.

“I prayed. I promise I prayed Y/n,” his words were almost indecipherable in between his cries. His every tear followed the other with a ferocity never before noticed by Y/n.

Her own tears followed suite, she was so sure she had finished up all her tears, but she was proven wrong. Soon, the only conversation happening between the two was through their sobs.

She wanted to curse all the gods, she didn’t want to go through the pains of having this disease and she didn’t want to do it alone. Even though she had Harry and Sarah standing right beside her, knowing they would not be able to meet her in person, she had never felt more alone.

“I don’t feel good, H,” she confessed. Breathing was becoming difficult day by day, she would rather have an asthma attack twice a day than having this constant pressure on her chest and throat. She knew she had to tell him, “I have to get admitted to the hospital first thing in the morning tomorrow, they say my covid could be worsened because of my asthma,” she let out in between a series of coughs stopping her after every word.

Harry nodded, his heartbeat rising. He cursed himself for leaving his girlfriend alone in the country. If he hadn’t left, she would not be going through this, “I’ll tell Sarah, you go rest,” he promised, seeing it get increasingly difficult for her to even sit up in her bed.

If Y/n was scared before, then the hospital made it thousand times worse. It was a scary sight, the covid ward was in an isolated area of the hospital, the doctors and nurses were in full PPE kits, the patients were lined up next to each other separated by curtains. She passed a room with ICU written on the glass door. With what she could see, she noticed several other patients, some with masks covering their nose, probably providing oxygen. Others seemed in worse conditions, they were intubated via ventilators. 

Seeing them facing the same crisis together, although away from their families, but forming a new family of sorts in solidarity to their conditions gave her little comfort. Those who wore the nasal masks and thus still had the ability to talk were speaking to each other, even reading something from their phones to those who were on ventilators. Covid had seemed like a situation she would have to go through alone, her initial views though were changing.

She was admitted to the regular covid ward, with the rest of the non-critical patients and would be observed overnight. She was assisted with oxygen through a nasal mask, just like the people around her, she had noticed.

“Hey, I’m Cecilia, call me Cece,” a thirty-something woman introduced herself from beside you. The curtain was partially open, allowing Y/n to see only her face.

“Y/n, nice to meet you,” she called back, smiling as much her energy would allow.

“Never guessed this is how I would be spending my lockdown,” she laughed lightly, pointing to her mask. She then followed it up with a cough, groaning with the strain.

Y/n felt bad for her, only to be subjected to the same.

These were going to be some long days. Though she did feel better knowing she would not be facing this alone. She looked around the room, at probably twenty patients around her, in the same situation as her, if not in worse conditions. She then thought back to the people in the ICU and what they must be subjected to.

Her phone brought her attention to itself, it was Harry FaceTiming her; putting on a smile, she picked up the call. 

“Hey handsome,” she suggestively raised her eyebrows, not wanting to worry him any further.

Harry did not even notice her words, he was too busy gawking at her nasal mask, “what is that?” worry coating his voice.

“Oh just my new accessory, you like it?” although Y/n wanted to look nonchalant, the pain in her voice could not be hidden, she sighed, “They are giving me oxygen through this.”

Harry’s eyebrows were knitted together in worry, Y/n wanted to make him feel better. She could not rest knowing her love was out there worrying about her, “Look I made a friend,” she turned the camera to Cece laying next to her six feet apart, “Cece, say hi to my boyfriend, Harry.”

She had forgotten her boyfriend was a big deal but was reminded of it by Cece’s gasp, “Harry freaking Styles ohmigod ohmigod,” Cece squealed, making Y/n forget for a second that she was not a teenager.

“Hullo love,” Harry greeted her in his ‘fan voice’, a smile graced her lips. “Hope you beat covid and get better soon.” Cece’s smile made Y/n realise how long these people had gone without having a reason to smile and how desperately they needed it. 

 Cece’s squeal garnered the attention of the people around them. Noticing the pop icon on the phone screen, conversations started flowing between everybody. Introductions were made, friendships were formed and smiles were passed around, along with Y/n’s phone. So, she asked a nearby nurse if they could access a bigger screen so everyone could see and talk to her boyfriend.

When the staff hooked up a screen, Harry gave all the patients an impromptu concert. Y/n had not smiled in days the way this concert had made her. She expected fear, anxiety, deaths and instead got friends, laughter, and music.

When Harry was done performing for his audience, he gave her a brief look. “I love you,” she whispered to him, smiling when he returned the words.

The next day, she was woken up by the noises around her, she panicked for a moment, not recognising the place she was in; but calmed when she regained her senses and noticed the blue curtains of the hospital, several machines and the people they were attached to. 

She made a short conversation with Cece but had to stop because she was getting out of breath. With every passing moment, her chest pain too was increasing. She did keep listening to people chat around her. Some were on calls with their family, others were busy reading books and listening to music. She kept getting shouts of gratitude from the people in the ward for Harry the previous night.

For the next two days, that kept her going. She learned about her fellow patients, Jonathan was 59 years old, his son was an engineer and he couldn’t have been more proud; Jaya was a 42-year-old woman with bronchitis and wanted to visit Paris at least once in her life. Marc was a 50-year-old diabetic who was in a band in the 80s, they were planning a reunion show. She met countless people, each with their own stories. 

At about 10 am on a Thursday, her situation worsened. The doctors had come for a routine checkup, only to see that her oxygen levels were dropping steadily and she needed immediate assistance.

She was shifted to the ICU ward. She had to be intubated and thus was given a board and marker to write anything if she wanted.

“—Yes sir, she was shifted to the ICU this morning—”

“—We can’t say much right now, but we’ll inform you if anything changes—”

“—Okay, take care, Sir.”

Y/n heard bits and pieces of the conversation her doctor was having with Harry, although since she was on medication, she couldn’t register much of it. The nurses brought her phone to her, a silhouette moving on the screen.

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?”

Y/n pondered how to describe the immense pain burning through her respiratory passage and the lack of oxygen eating away her lungs and not give him nightmares. So, she offered him a tired thumbs up.

Harry watched his girlfriend cough, her face contorting in pain and could not control his tears, he didn’t want to think about the worst-case scenario but could not stop his mind from going there. He knew how low the chances were of people on ventilators coming back. But he had to remain positive, someone had to. She needed him to be strong for her. So, he wiped away his tears, put on his best brave face and talked to her.

He called her every three hours. Giving updates to her about his day, talking to her about whatever he could. He talked enough to compensate for the silence on her part. She smiled through every sentence, even though he could not see it, even though it wasn’t visible on her face, even though she didn’t have the power to, she smiled.

And she listened. So she didn’t have to focus on Josephine dying next to her or Augusta who was a hair length’s distance away from dying the previous day. Even though doctors told her that her situation was worsening, she listened because that became the only thing keeping her from giving up.

As her pains didn’t go away, and her condition worsened further, she was given sedatives and was thus mostly asleep. Which she was thankful for, for she couldn’t take it anymore, she just wanted to rest.

Dr Garcia came by routinely to check on her, talking to her about the outside world, gave her the gossips being passed around the hospital. Even though she was barely awake to listen to any of it, she was thankful for the kind doctor providing a calm lull while doing her job.

“Mr Styles, I’m afraid her condition isn’t getting any better. She should have shown atleast some improvements,” Dr Garcia informed Harry in a heavy voice.

On the other side of the line, Harry didn’t know what to do, it felt like someone was pulling away the floor under him. “What happens now?” He asked, praying for some hopeful news.

“We really can’t say much, each case is different, but it would be better uhm,” the doctor was thinking through her words, wanting to be as considerate as possible, “is there any family of hers that would want to talk to her?”

Harry almost let out a sob as he realised what the doctor was implying ‘is there anyone who would want to give her a final goodbye?’

“No, Y/n’s family passed away in an accident when she was 16, it’s just me and Sarah,” he explained, his voice on the verge of cracking, it was becoming harder to get words out of his mouth. He didn’t want to talk anymore, he just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

“Oh, I understand,” Dr Garcia nodded, feeling sorry for the young girl who had stolen the hearts of everyone in the ward. She was a sweet girl, who had dreams and still held love for life even after everything she had seen. “This is not the end, Harry, she can still recover, God, I pray she does, this is not the end.” She really believed the words she was saying and wanted Harry to feel the same.

He nodded, tears clouding his eyes. He too really wanted to believe that.

A beat of silence fell upon the conversation, both in deep thought, “Harry, she wrote something on her board when she was awake yesterday,” Harry’s ears pricked up, “she wrote and I quote ‘I will not give up’ with a smiley face at the end. She is a fighter, you remember that,” Dr Garcia gave her parting ways and went back to her work.

Y/n’s words were imprinted in Harry’s mind. After the call, he made himself more presentable, wiping his tears and drove up to the church near Y/n’s house. He had come back to LA after Y/n was admitted to the ICU. He couldn’t be five thousand miles away from her in that condition.

The church was almost empty, which was surprising to Harry, given the situation, but he wasn’t complaining. He walked up the aisle, his hand grazing each wooden bench as he reached the altar and kneeled. He didn’t what to pray or how to pray, but he tried anyway. He closed his eyes and called out to God; he prayed with every part in his body, with every bone, every muscle, every fibre of being for his love to get better. For her to keep fighting. And for him to gain enough strength to deal with it all.

All this time, he had been feeling so helpless, not being able to do anything to make her better. But he made peace with the fact that the only thing he could do right now was to have faith. To have faith in God to guide him and her, in Y/n to be the stubborn strong-willed woman that she was and continue fighting, he had faith in his faith and that it would not disappoint.

He stayed there, talking to God until the closing hours. He then went back to Y/n’s place and sat on the sofa, waiting by his mobile, ready for any phone call he might receive.

He was awoken the next day by his phone ringing on the coffee table next to him. He looked at the time, it was noon, he picked up.

“Congratulations Harry, she’s getting better,” the relief was evident in Dr Garcia’s voice.

Harry felt himself getting physically lighter.

“I mean there is still a long way to go, but her oxygen levels are rising, her lungs are recovering, she’ll be soon able to breathe on her own. Harry, she did it, she won,” Harry didn’t listen to the rest of what the doctor was saying, he was too busy falling in love with the love of his life. It felt like he himself had come back from the dead. He knew his faith could never disappoint.

“Thank you doctor, I’ll be waiting for the call when you tell me she’s tested negative,” he laughed, his lungs breathing in air after what felt like a lifetime.

Dr Garcia chuckled along with him and agreed, telling him Y/n would call him when she woke up.

~

“You know I love you right? My fighter,” Harry tightened his grip on her hand and kissed her knuckles.

Y/n’s head fell back as laughter bubbled out of her, “You just told me that like two minutes ago.”

“I know, but a few weeks ago I thought I would never get to say it to you ever again. So, I will keep reminding you every minute that I love you and that you are the strongest person I know,” he snaked his arms around her, placing his head on top of hers, “I really missed holding you.”

She breathed in Harry’s scent, slowly regaining her sense of smell, she had missed this too. She cupped his cheek with her right hand and gave him a light peck.

Harry grabbed the back of her head, keeping her lips on his, deepening the kiss. When they separated, he rested his forehead against hers, not wanting her to move even an inch away from him.

Noticing her deep breaths, he whispered in her ears, “This is the only reason I want you to be out of breath. This and well... the other one,” he smirked.

“Oh hush you,” Y/n blushed, she sucked in a breath through her teeth, “Shit man, I love you.”

[a-singleboat]

Virtual Reality

Word Count: 2.4k

Request: hi! if your taking requests, i was wondering if you could write a damien x reader, where they meet through Twitch? add anything else you want i always love everything you write, thanks so much!! - anon

Warning(s): like, one swear

It was a Thursday night when you first met him, or rather, heard of him. You had been streaming for five hours heading into your sixth when you decided it might be time for you to log off for the night. As per usual, you took at least thirty minutes at the end of your stream just to talk with your viewers, usually about how their lives were going in exchange for a story from your own day. 

Tonight, however, there was an influx of people asking if you’d ever heard of a streamer by the name of Damien Haas, which you hadn’t, and if you would do a collaboration with the man anytime soon. Apparently, your content was eerily similar and you were, and I quote, “Practically the female version of him, looks aside.” 

“Damien Haas…” you rolled yourself back closer to your desk, hands settled on your keyboard. You typed his name into the search bar, patiently waiting for Twitch to pull up his account. You clicked into the first one, making an impressed face at the purple checkmark next to his name. You squinted at the screen. “Is this him? In the profile picture with the LEDs in the background?” 

You glanced at your chat, chuckling as the viewers started spamming ‘yes’ and ‘oh my god it’s happening,’ and your personal favorite, ‘mom come pick me up the best crossover of 2020 is happening and im SCARED.’

“He plays a lot of Animal Crossing,” you observed, clicking on one of his videos and dragging the tab onto your main monitor so the stream could see it. You skipped through the beginning part, biting into a pretzel as you watched. 

“He’s kinda cute,” you commented, laughing as your stream freaked out once more. There were a few people commenting what looked like it could be a ship name though you ignored it. “Shame I’d never meet him, though.”

You paused his video, taking note of the time, before rolling out your shoulders. “I think it’s time for me to head out so I’m gonna end this stream with a huge thank you to you all for sticking with me through this entire stream and if you didn’t stay the entire time, I’m glad you decided to join in on the ride even halfway through. I’ll see you guys next time.”

You ended the stream, waving goodbye to your viewers before the light went out and you could relax the smile off your face. Don’t get it twisted, you loved streaming and you loved your viewers but just like any other job, it could get exhausting at times. You shut down your monitors, the screens turning blue before fading to black. You stretched, taking your phone up from its charger and launching yourself into bed, opening your phone and clicking on Twitter. 

Much like staying thirty minutes after you were done streaming to talk to viewers, you usually went on Twitter right after to answer questions and respond to DMs. This time, however, instead of opening the app to see a bunch of post-stream questions, your mentions were filled with the video clip of you saying, “He’s kinda cute,” as well as maybe a million people tagging both you and Damien in them. 

Well, shit. 

Soon enough, that was all that filled your timeline. You couldn’t move in one direction without running into another screencap of you admiring the man. God, you knew the consequences but something in the back of your mind was urging you to reach out to him.

After a few moments of contemplation, the lonely side of you won out, forcing you to message him against your better judgment. Without even thinking about it, you found his Twitter and sent this message:

Hey, I’m sorry about your mentions blowing up because of me tonight. My viewers recommended your Twitch to me and I spoke without thinking about it on Live. 

And with no expectation of his response, you fell asleep right there with your phone on your chest and the DM still open. 

You woke up the next morning with a sore neck and a dead phone, which was a terrible way to start your day. You rolled over, plugging your device into an outlet before crawling out of bed to start your day. When you weren’t streaming, you worked as a freelance editor for different YouTubers, helping their editors with their workload or even staying on as a Temp for different companies. Occasionally you edited the odd commercial here and there, but those gigs were rare. 

Most recently, you had received some material from a group of YouTubers, Smosh. This job was different, however, because if you did well on this you could be looking at a permanent place of employment through their parent company, Mythical Entertainment. 

You knew Mythical Entertainment, it was hard not to, especially since your aunt was one of the producers within the company, but tended to ignore everything the company did. The last you’d heard, they’d onboarded another YouTube group (which you did later find out to be Smosh, the same YouTubers whose video you were hired to edit). 

 After a quick shower and a half-assed attempt at a proper breakfast, you were ready to start your day. You situated yourself behind your monitors, opening the video clips that had been sent to you. The first was a sample video, something that gave you insight on what their editing style was actually like. 

But imagine your surprise when you’re staring down the same man you have called cute the night before, his approximately five-eleven stance taking up one-sixth of the space. He was standing next to a blond, who had been marked as “Shayne Topp.”

Despite there being five other people in frame, your eyes kept moving back to Damien’s figure, watching his mannerisms through the screen and laughing along to his jokes when they fell upon deaf ears. 

Your eyes slid over to your phone, now decently charged after sitting for so long. On your screen were dozens of notifications. There were maybe two from your mom, asking if you’d be coming home for dinner sometime that week but the majority came from Twitter. You picked up the device, unlocking and responding to your mom with a, “yes,” before opening Twitter. 

Nothing much had changed from the night prior. Your mentions were still being flooded with the video from last night but newer content had been ushered in, namely fan edits using footage from your streams and, you assumed, his. 

The only major difference, however, was the fact that Damien had responded to your DM from the night prior. The first message read: 

It’s really no problem! My stream had mentioned your name before, too.

Followed by the second:

P.S. I think you’re cute, too.

You couldn’t believe your eyes. Mr. Damien Haas, the man that you had made a thoughtless comment on stream about, also thought that you were cute. Suddenly, the fact that you had been staring at him for the past hour seemed less stalkerish and more like a blooming crush. You wrote back:

Aw, thanks! Have you seen the newer fan edits? They’re all so talented.

You cringed at yourself. A cute boy started talking to you and you’ve suddenly forgotten how to be suave, not that you really were in the first place. But still, you liked to think you had some tact when talking to people that you found attractive. 

Not even a moment later, there came a response. 

Yes, I have, he responded. And I agree! They are all very talented individuals. 

You looked from the monitor in front of you. You had about a quarter of the footage left to go through before you could start editing but this technically wasn’t due until the following night. Feeling emboldened by the fact that he had actually responded, you replied:

Are you going to TwitchCon on Friday? We should meet up or something. 

Anxiously you awaited his response, taking his silence as an opportunity to watch a bit more of the footage and take down notes according to the sample they’d given you. Roughly thirty minutes later is when the next response came in, reading as an affirmative to both questions. 

You didn’t respond, choosing to leave your social media for after you’d finished editing the video. Your heart still pounded, however. Just the thought that there was a possibility for the two of you to meet was, simply put, insane. You’d just heard of the guy the night before and decided that he was going to be your latest hyperfixation. 

But who could blame you? He was a nice, funny guy that showed the slightest bit of attraction towards you. It didn’t help that you were a sucker for guys that were nice to you. 

Fast forward to the Friday of TwitchCon, also known as the first day of TwitchCon. You and Damien had been talking steadily over Twitter DMs and just last night you had gained his phone number, giving you even more access to the man than you had before. But of course, who were you if you didn’t tease your fans with the prospect of you meeting. 

The night before, at the end of your stream, you’d given your fans the little tidbit of information that you and Damien were, in fact, planning on meeting up sometime during TwitchCon and would be greeting fans together for an hour at your booth. 

That sent Twitter into a frenzy, both of your combined fans getting your ship name to trend within the hour, which confused the hell out of a bunch of locals. 

It was nearing the time you and Damien had set to meet up. The plan was you’d meet around twelve for lunch, take an hour for yourselves, before going back to your booth and meeting with fans for an hour or so as promised. 

You had never been more nervous than you were in that moment. Not only were you about to meet your three-day-old crush but apparently a very popular YouTuber. You tried not to let the thought mess with your head. One of your friends, Wilbur Soot (who you played Minecraft with from time to time) was poking fun at you for being nervous about meeting a popular YouTuber. 

After three years of streaming and gaining a solid following, you’d think you’d be used to meeting other popular content creators. But because it was him, you found yourself unable to think straight. 

“What if I fuck up?” you asked Wilbur anxiously. He’d flown in from London for this event at your insistence and because you’d offered to pay half his airfare to get there and back. He didn’t have his own booth as his arrival was very last minute, but he didn’t mind. He signed the occasional poster though his main purpose was to provide you mental and emotional support. 

“You won’t fuck up,” he comforted, leafing through one of the comics a fan had given you. The entire thing was hand-drawn, which was an insane fact in itself. It looked professional, which was what blew you away when you’d received it. “Well, you won’t fuck up as badly as you did when you first met Schlatt.”

You groaned in embarrassment. “Don’t remind me.”

Long story short, you’d dumped a red in color slushy on the man accidentally after tripping over an unmarked cable. It really wasn’t your fault but the boys hadn’t let you live it down since then. 

Half a moment later, Wilbur was poking your side. “Is that him?” he asked, jabbing his pointer finger into your side while looking in the opposite direction. He was looking at a familiar figure walking down the hallway toward your booth. He stopped for a moment to take a photo with a fan, talking to them about something, before continuing on his way toward you. 

Your eyes locked and you gave him a smile while trying to beat Wilbur into no longer poking you. He stopped when you slapped his arm the first time, sticking his tongue at you before going on his phone. You rolled your eyes at his half-assed attempt of pretending he wasn’t about to start listening in on your conversation. 

“Hey, Y/n, right?” Damien asked as he approached. You nodded, reaching out for a handshake but becoming pleasantly surprised when he instead pulled you in for a hug. 

“You ready for lunch?” you asked glaring slightly at Wilbur as he made kissy faces over Damien’s shoulder. Luckily, Damien hadn’t noticed your moron of a best friend. 

“Yeah, I saw this sushi place on the way in if you wanted to try that?”

“I’d be down,” you agreed, reaching behind your table to grab your bag. Wilbur was set to meet with a few other Minecraft streamers, meaning you didn’t have to worry about him while you had lunch. You looked over your shoulder, making sure everything was set for you to leave before saying goodbye to Wilbur. 

Over the course of lunch, you and Damien had gotten to know each other pretty well. Once the conversation moved away from your fans and, well, work, and more into personal details, you found that you actually weren’t all that similar. For starters, Damien loved watching anime while your guilty pleasure was Gilmore Girls. The one show you both had a love for, however, was Avatar the Last Airbender, which made sense. 

Another thing was that he actually enjoyed being in front of the camera while you tolerated it on most days, really only putting on your face cam for the last thirty minutes on most days. Despite that, he still classified himself as an introvert. 

You returned back to your booth much later than you anticipated, thoroughly shocked at the line that had formed with Wilbur at the front of it, entertaining the fans that had shown up early to meet both you and Damien. 

“Y/n!” one fan called, pointing in your direction. Immediately, the entire line turned and gaped at the sight of you and Damien walking together. You greeted them happily, stopping for pictures and verbally promising that you’d stay until you got to meet everyone personally. 

“You really love your fans,” Damien observed as you put your things back down behind the table. Wilbur had set up shop on your right side, chatting with a few people at the front of the line. 

“I wouldn’t be anywhere without them,” you admitted, pulling a silver sharpie from your bag. You handed a gold one to Damien. “I also wouldn’t have gotten to meet you without them, which I’m still sorry about, by the way. Your feed must have been chaotic.”

“You have no idea,” he chuckled. “But everything happens for a reason.”

You nodded, grinning up at him. “Yes, they do.” 

Permanent

@beautiful-holland @toms-order @starlightfound @grandmascottlang @positiveparker @bippity-boppity-boopa @caswinchester2000 @andreasworlsboring101 @imladylunaticbitch​

[hannigram-a-b-o-library]

We are delighted to once again bring you -

Hannigram A/B/O Big Bang

We are continuing to alternate Big Bang and Reverse Bangs, and so we're back with the writers back in the saddle, however please note we do have a few changes this year!

The main change is that this year the event will essentially be split into two parts and writers must complete their fics before claims take place in order to continue to participate. The time will be split equally - four months for writers and then four months for artists. This is reflected in the word count expectations, and is to make sure the event is as seamless and enjoyable for everyone as possible. More information below!

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to reply, send us a DM on social media or email us.

Schedule

We’ve split it up this year so that the writers and artists both get four months each to complete their work.

Writers: November to March Artists/Media Creators: April to August

We’re hoping this will be a fairer split of equal time for all participants.

October 1: Sign ups open (Writers only) November 5: Signs ups close (Writers only) January 3 - 10: Writer check in March 4 - 13: Writers fic submissions March 13: Sign ups open (Artists/Media only) April 17: Sign ups close (Artists/Media only) April 19 - 25: Fic Claims May 17 - 23: Artist check in July 5 - 11: Team check in July 31: Posting Schedule set August 2 - 8: Teaser Week August 26: Posting Begins

Dates are subject to change and any changes will be announced online.

Rules

In order for this to run as smoothly as possible and to retain focus on creators within the fandom, there are a few rules we have put in place, including some sign up criteria. Please read thoroughly before signing up.

Participation:

You don’t need to be massively active in the online fandom, but you MUST have created something for it previously. With your signup you will be asked to provide links to any fandom accounts you wish (tumblr, ao3, etc), and also for a link to at least one specific post with an example of your work.

You MUST ensure you have the time and capacity to take on the challenge before signing up. Please do not sign up unless - barring a change in circumstances/real life - you are confident you will be participating.

You MUST be over 18 years old to take part in this event, due to the mature content.

All sign ups and claims will be managed through google forms. We will be explaining each step of the process via email, with links to forms, as we go. But if anyone would like clarification on anything, please get in touch.

Once matched, the team will be given each other’s contact details (email and tumblr), so please ensure you are comfortable with this, and provide suitable details. The teams will also be announced via email to participants, and shortly thereafter on our social media platforms.

You may enter as both a writer and as an artist/media creator, but you may not create for your own art/media.

All works should be brand new. No previously posted WIPs or remixes.

Sequels and prequels will only be allowed if they work as a standalone piece.

Drafts and WIPs cannot be posted anywhere ahead of time, including to Patreon, Kofi Gold etc. Feel free to post about your process and experience, but no snippets, teasers or WIPs aside from the official promo postings.

Writers -

The minimum word count is 3000 words.

The upper limit is 20,000 words.

The fic MUST be complete as a standalone story by the due date.

The main pairing must be Hannibal and Will. You can include other pairings (Marlana, Bedannibal, Spacedogs, etc), but the main focus must be Hannigram.

Any rating and warnings are allowed, you MUST ensure you include all relevant ratings, warnings and tags.

Any tropes or genre welcome, canon and AU allowed.

Submission: In March, you will have a week to submit your finished work in order to continue to participate. You will also be asked to complete a short form with information about the work, including any tags, summary and snippet in order to give the artists/media creators more information for claims. Complete fics will only be made available to the appropriate teammate when the teams are paired, they will not be provided to artists/media creators during claims.

Claims: Will take place April 19 - 25. Once the claims have been processed, we will let you know who you have been matched with.

Team Communication: It is important that you have an initial conversation with your writer once matched, so that you are all on the same page before moving forward. After that the level of communication is down to you and your partner, but please be clear what level of input/communication you would prefer.

Check In: You have one solo check in (January), where we will send you a short form (less than 5 mins) to find out how you are getting on and whether you are still planning to participate. We will not be asking for drafts, but we will be asking for a truthful estimation of how complete you feel you are. There will be a team check in (July), in order to ensure you are happy with how things are progressing.

Promotional Banners: (optional) You will need to supply your teammate with the name you will be posting under, and the name of the fic, so this can be added to their banner. These can be posted by you and/or your teammate, along with a snippet of the fic, on social media platforms of your choice (we will RT/Reblog on Twitter, Pf and Tumblr) during the week of 2 - 8 August.

Posting: You and your teammate will be assigned a posting date, based on your posting date preferences. You can decide between you whether both team members post their separate parts (linking to the other), or whether one of you posts. You can post on all social media platforms of your choice on your posting date.

Posting: Your fic must be posted in its entirety on your assigned day, even if it has multiple chapters, they must be uploaded on the same day.

Posting: Your fic must be posted into our AO3 collection with appropriate ratings, warnings and tags. Artists/Media Creators can either post their works to the AO3 collection, or embed in your fic - this is for you to decide as a team. At the least, you must include a link to your teammate’s collaborative piece in your notes.

Artists/Media creators -

The main pairing in your creation must be Hannibal and Will. You can feature other pairings (Marlana, Bedannibal, Spacedogs, etc), but the main focus must be Hannigram.

You will be required to produce one work for claims. You can optionally also choose to create a promotional banner - which can be a WIP or a snippet of part of the completed work. If your media doesn’t lend itself to a banner but you’d still like to post a promo, let us know and we will assist.

Art/Media can be any of the following -

Traditional art (scanned or photographed to upload) Digital art High quality/complex photomanipulations, aesthetics, edits, banners (the expectation is that this work should be transformative - i.e. a degree of imaginative input/creative effort needs to be evident in the work) Original music Fanvids Anything else? If we have missed something you feel would be a relevant media contribution, please send us an ASK or go ahead and sign up with a link to your work as an example

Check In: You have a solo check in (May), where we will send you a short form (less than 5 mins) to find out how you are getting on and whether you are still planning to participate. There will be a team check in(July), in order to ensure you are happy with how things are progressing, etc.

Claims: Will take place April 19 - 25. Artists/media creators will be asked to select a selection of fics and we will then match everyone as best as we can. Once the claims have been processed, we will let you know who you have been matched with.

Team Communication: It is important that you have an initial conversation with your writer once matched, so that you are all on the same page before moving forward. After that the level of communication is down to you and your partner, but please be clear what level of input/communication you would prefer.

Promotional Banners: (optional) This needs to be a snippet - a close up or teaser - of the work. A WIP as a teaser is also acceptable. The banner must include the name of the fic and both names of the teammates - guidelines will be given for this, including for those creating media that may not be easily made into a banner. These can be posted by you and/or your teammate, along with a snippet of the fic, on social media platforms of your choice (we will RT/Reblog on Twitter, Pf and Tumblr) during the week of 2 - 8 August.

Posting: You and your teammate will be assigned a posting date, based on your posting date preferences. You can decide between you whether both team members post their separate parts (linking to the other), or whether one of you posts. You can post on all social media platforms of your choice on your posting date. Artists/Media Creators can either post their works to the AO3 collection, or embed in the teammates fic - this is for you to decide as a team.

Posting: For visual art, please ensure this is posted with appropriate resolution and dimensions for the platform(s) you post to. If you need guidance on these please let us know.

Withdrawing:

Again, please ensure you have the capacity, time and enthusiasm before signing up!!

However, we understand that sometimes life happens and you may no longer be able to commit. If this is the case, please let us know as soon as possible so that we can ensure teams are not unduly affected.

If you are withdrawing, please email us - HannigramABO@gmail.com

If you are wanting to withdraw because your team isn’t working out for any reason, please let us know as we may be able to make swaps or involve pinch hitters if possible.

Contacting us:

You can email HannigramABO@gmail.com, or send us a DM on Twitter or Pillowfort, or an ask on tumblr. Please note that if you send the tumblr ask as anonymous we will not be able to respond to it privately.

[kirstinmaldonado]

CHAPTER EIGHT 2.0

>>Delayed post because birthday week had all the friend surprises and snuggles and I got a bit distracted but…still wanted to post<<

It’s my birthdayyyy week~! My biiiiiiirthday week!

The dreaded time has come? The anticipated event is here? Honestly 28 felt so far away for quite some time, I’m kinda in denial that one, it’s May already and two, I’m going to be 28 this Saturday!!

So far I’ve been filling the week with cuddles, some friends and family calls, and oooo another BESTIE PRODUCTIONS vid?!? We had planned on releasing earlier, but why the rush? Why take the joy out of creating for fun by setting deadlines that don’t really matter? 

Anyway, we hope you love it! It’s always important to unite and spread some relatable cheer especially in such a divisive climate! More on that coming…I don’t mean to do it but…soon. Lots of moving parts and our lives are picking up in different and amazing ways but we still hope to get it out!

Phew. No hashtags here! ;)

So many events happened over the last few days, good and bad! Some even that I am disappointed in, ashamed of, or at a loss for. But! This week is all about self-care! I’ll save the heavy for another time. ;)

Self-care, in its many facets, is so important! Self-care is making healthy food choices to nurture your body so it can be at optimal output. Self-care is strengthening and nourishing your mind by learning something new, doing a hobby you love, meditating, or just purely relaxing. It’s having the awareness to say no when you don’t want to do something or you know the adverse is better for you. Really, self-care is ALL ABOUT YOU!

Biggest of all, self-care is NOT selfish! Everyone needs to be self-aware and know when to take some personal time. Everyone decompresses in different ways. Sometimes that’s choosing an introverted quiet night as opposed to an extroverted one, or splurging on something to make you feel special, or baking way too many cupcakes and eating also way too many (if you’re me, ha)!!

With all the rushing around and intensity we’ve trained our minds and bodies to endure, with all the added stress of not even wanting, but NEEDING to succeed and flourish, that self-care dwindles. Sometimes it feels like you have to put YOU aside because everything else is so overwhelming!

I remember in the past thinking that skin-care took such a loooong time and felt not worth it. My skin (thank you, Mother) was pretty damn flawless for how (wrongly) I’d been taking care of it, so why bother?

That was before I met my sweet Klara!! And while my skin wasn’t in desperate emergency levels of fixing, she reminded me that pre-meditative care is crucial and so is slowing down and taking the time for myself! 

Klara and I met years ago when I was in NYC looking for a lash lift. Pentatonix had just started taking off and just recently Klara had opened her own med-spa in the city. We bonded instantly and have been friends ever since!! 

Meanwhile, if you live in NYC and want the best lash lift ever, ya gotta go to Klara, HANDS DOWN! 

Every time Pentatonix would be in NYC, I would go visit her. Even if I didn’t need anything done or didn’t have the time, I would stop in and say hello because that is the type of beautiful energy she is! And slowly, we began growing together!

I love my friendship with her because not only did she love on my eyelashes, skin, face, etc and teach me how to do the same at home, but she’s been there through the last six or so years of my life! I have transformed into a much more self-aware, happier, and self-comfortable person and I treasure her sincerity, compassion, and late night chats so so much!!

Although I don’t get to see Klara all the time as she is based in NYC, I always have other forms of self-care in a similar vein. As we all know, Covid has shut down pretty much all forms of outside self-care treatments, although someone should tell the people in charge that self-care is essential, eh?!

I kid. Jokes aside, I miss relaxing my body and mind to a caregiver. I miss getting my hair done, getting a mani-pedi, tanning, and getting a massage! I miss that “treat yo self” feeling, and drinking champagne while doing them all, ha!

So, for my birthday week, I wanted to share with you a fun DIY self-care facial curated by Klara herself! My chin has been OUT OF CONTROL and colonizing a little zit farm, so freshening up before my big day (inside lol) felt perfect!!

Since she initially sent me this, she has curated a NEW personalized facial package that she will guide you through on Zoom, but regardless she is an angel for all your skin questions and needs!

>>By the way now that this is posted a week later…my skin has NO JOKE been FLAWLESS! Klara is still a queen for the win but also loving on your face and listening to what it needs also FTW<<

So here I am au natural, pre-peel!! 

ONE. PREPARE YOUR STATION! PUT NICE MUSIC ON, A CANDLE, WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO PROMOTE A RELAXING VIBE! HAVE A CLEAN COUNTER WHERE YOU CAN PLACE THE DENTAL BIB AND LAY EVERYTHING OUT! 

TWO. WASH YOUR HANDS! ;) 

THREE. USE JAR #1 WITH FIRST CLEANSER, ADD WATER, FOAM, BE PRECISE AROUND JAW AND EARS ETC, RINSE, PAT DRY.

FOUR. REPEAT THE SAME WITH JAR WITH CLEANSER #2 (THE CREAM, IT WILL NOT FOAM) RINSE AND DRY

>>Already my face is feeling much softer!<<

FIVE. POUR THE MINI CHEMICAL PEEL (VIAL #3) ONTO COTTON PAD, WIPE WHOLE FACE GENTLY! I EXPERIENCED THE TINGLING AND EEE YES MY FACE GOT RED, BUT NOTHING MAJOR! LEAVE ON FOR 3/5 MIN!

SIX. USE JAR #4 (GLYCOLIC CLEANSER), RINSE AND DRY.

SEVEN. THEN APPLY SERUMS (JUST FEW DROPS) ALL OVER THE FACE

EIGHT. MASQUE FOR 10 MIN. 

NINE. MOISTURIZE!

HAPPY GIRL! I felt AMAZING, y’all!!

You can check out Klara’s ZOOM FACIAL PACKAGE here and on social media outlets! And I am NOT kidding, my skin was SO SOFT!!! I felt less bumpy, less exposed! And it’s stayed like that too! 

This little self-love moment put me in the perfect headspace for a birthday weekend, especially when that weekend was not according to plan! Life is about continuously adapting, taking what you have in front of you, and trying to make the best of the situations you are presented! You can only control so much! So why not focus on positivity?

I was so thankful for this little pick me up that made me feel good about being in my skin, something I’ve struggled on and off with the entire rest of quarantine! But overall I am SO thankful for how special my friends, my boyfriend, my family, YOU GUYS all made me feel! I didn’t feel devoid of any of your love and care. And thank you so much for that!!!

28 has started out so special in some (feeling) unspecial circumstances. I will always rise and fall and even have so far in these mere hours of 28! But I am so happy for your support. Just remember to always support yourself too! 

So on that note, I hope you find time before the month is done for some EXTRA self-care!!!

And happy 3 years to Break a Little <3

Love you all!

[tenglows]

in the name of the old days

summary: it’s the last day of the year and you’re feeling nostalgic. you come across the twitter of the boy who used to be your best friend a few years ago, and decide to message him.

category: fluff, a bit of angst? maybe??, internet friend!mark

it was currently december 31, at half past one am, and you were scrolling on twitter

some chuckles here and there while reading your friend’s posts about timothee chalamet

you were about to close the app to go brush your teeth and prepare for bed

when your eyes wandered off and focused on another tweet

“almost 2020 and still no flying cars” read the tweet

from @/markly_

this made you sit straight in your mattress

you clicked on his profile

you two still followed each other

there weren’t a lot of recents tweets, so that’s why you figured you hadn’t come across the boy’s twitter sooner

plus; lately you weren’t the type to be so active on social media either

you mentally counted the years since you first met mark lee

it was 2019 (almost 2020) now and you guys had met in 2015

you had gotten involved in a drama with a one direction stan, you being part of 5sos stan twitter

and mark, little mix stan, had defended you

it was in the middle of the zayn and perrie scandal, so he assured both of your teams had to stick together to defeat one direction’s fans

you became mutuals after that

and you soon realized that mark had the tendency to initiate lots of twitter fights

often with the people that would bash perrie and her group

your friendship rose as the two of you took turns defending the other one on those enfrentations

you don’t know how but all of the sudden there was no day you wouldn’t talk to mark

you were both 16 at the time, you being older just by a few months

you guys would talk about everything and anything

and basically grew up together

you were there for him when school got hard and future scared him

he was there for you when you faced a pretty bad relationship

and you honestly considered him your best friend

sleepless nights with him on facetime were one of the things you looked forward to the most

hearing him talk about his day

him showing you a new song he learned on the guitar, or him playing some melodies and lyrics he composed himself every now and then

watching the same movie or show at the same time on your respective screens

struggling to press play together to match the exact second

“i totally knew he was gonna die”

“shut up you’re way ahead!!!!”

you had other friends at school, too

but mark was just mark

and you two had such a loving bond, you were so close you took him with you to everywhere you went

you just wished you had him closer

at least you were both from canada

him being from vancouver and you from quebec

you had made lots of plans about meeting in real life, and you genuinely believed they would come about

but it is true that time passes and people drift apart

you were about to begin college and made new friends

mark moved out to toronto

and gradually, the responses took longer

and the calls had kinda been left aside

until one of you just stopped replying

you honestly don’t remember who it was

but there isn’t really a reason, either

you just parted ways

and it’s fine, it’s human and natural and normal

but now looking at his profile picture: a polaroid of him hugging another boy

you felt as if a bucket of cold and frostbound nostalgia had been dumped over your head

you recognized his moles, and how he had the same smile

his header picture was a guitar

and it wasn’t the same he used to have, but something about him still liking music made you feel warm

it’s always astonishing to see how the life of a person who is no longer in yours just,,,

goes on

and you aren’t aware of a thing about their existence

or even think about them

so it’s almost as they don’t exist

but now you know mark still exists

and it’s so weird to think about how your lives had been so overlapped, so united

and now you didn’t know anything about him

the mix of reminiscence about this and the year ending

resulted in your impulsive fingers pressing the envelope icon in mark’s profile

you stayed like that for a few minutes, writing and deleting messages. the sentences you thought about never feeling enough

you sighed as you told yourself this would be the last attempt

“hi mark, i’m not sure if you remember me but i saw you on my tl and it made me want to check on you! maybe this message will disappear into thin air but i just wanted to try. i hope you’re doing well <3”

you stared at the blue bubble of text almost without blinking for a moment

maybe he didn’t want to talk to you, and it was okay. you stopped talking in 2017, almost three years had passed

you thought looking at yourself in the mirror while you brushed your teeth

you came back to your room and turned off your lights, ready to go to sleep

but when you grabbed your phone with the intention to charge it, you saw you had a twitter notification

“y/n! how could i forget about you? haha it’s been so long two years without talking. how are you? how’s life? tell me something”

an instant smile started growing upon your face

the way he texted was the same as before

and you missed his haha

two and a half hours into the night you felt as if you were stuck in 2015 all over again

you had always had this fluidity at the time of talking with mark

the conversation just,, bloomed

he told you he still lived in new york, but he was actually gonna move back to toronto in a couple of months

he was majoring in music and owned a soundcloud rap account, and he had gotten quite popular as well

you mentioned how you had changed majors

what started as you being a marketing management major ended up on you leaning towards philosophy

something that no one had seen coming

so you expected the same reaction from mark

“i can totally see it, you always liked to think and question everything a little too much”

and that comment made you feel thrilled in your stomach, to say the least

even after all these years

mark was probably the person who knew you the most

days passed

weeks, even

and what you thought was just a conversation remembering the old days and filling the other in on your life

just,,, never stopped

mark and you went back to talking every day

everything felt the same as it did before

because after all, it was the same mark. it was always mark

still, the day you had agreed on facetiming for the first time again you felt kinda nervous

what if you ran out of what to talk about? what if it was suddenly weird?

and when you picked up the call and found yourself face to face with a flustered mark you knew he felt the same

you both hesitated as to who would speak first

him being the one to break the ice

“hey y/n” he giggled

“wow, your voice has gotten deeper”

he laughed loudly at your honesty, making you laugh back

“your hair is shorter”

“i know right? it was so long, i just got fed up of it reaching my waist”

“i like it, it looks pretty” he paused “you look pretty”

and in that moment you wondered how your heart could be beating this hard at a blurry screen with poor connection

comments like that kept making an appearance as time went by, sometimes from mark and eventually from your part

and that was the only thing that differed from the relationship you used to have with the one you had now

was it flirting? you didn’t know

but you had never thought of mark the way you think about him now

“so? what do you think?”

you set the phone on your desk as you walked away and showed mark your white dress. you were on your way to a costume party one of your friend’s brother was throwing, and even though it was cliché, you couldn’t be bothered to think of a more ingenious costume than a traditional angel

mark took his time fixing his gaze on you, his eyes getting closer to concentrate on what the vague wifi let him

“i can’t recognize the costume”

“what do you mean? i’m literally wearing wings and a halo”

“could it be because you always look like an angel?”

“ayee mark that was cheesy”

“i know, i’m sorry” you both laughed

“but really, you look amazing. go and have fun babe”

then pet names came into play

you weren’t sure what you were doing, but flirting with mark was sweet and fun and innocent

you always found yourself wanting for more

you were yearning for mark, you wanted to see him, listen to him, touch him

and you didn’t know what to do with yourself

until one day he called you out of the blue, which startled you, since he always asked before calling

“hey! were you busy?”

“no no i’m just doing the dishes, what’s up?”

“okay, so you know how i’m moving to toronto in two weeks, right?” you nodded “well, i just managed to change my flight so i would go to quebec for some days before properly settling in toronto, you know since it’s not that far”

“you’re kidding”

“i’m going to visit you!!!!!!!”

he squealed in your ear and you squealed back, scaring your poor cat who was sleeping soundly

after some more yelling, the excitement died out a bit and you stayed in silence for just a few seconds

“i don’t really have a place to stay though” he snorted, embarrassed

“you can always stay with me, mark”

after some long and never-ending hours and days (you had seriously convinced yourself some wrinkles had appeared on your forehead from all the waiting)

it was finally the day you would see mark

it was currently 11 am, mark’s flight was at 1 pm and he would arrive at quebec at approximately a bit less than 3 pm

now, he was at new york’s airport taking care of all the travelling procedures

and you were cleaning up the same spots in your aparment for the fourth time in a row

to say you were nervous was an understanding

you felt like you were going insane

you barely had gotten any sleep the night before, not being able to defeat the crowding thoughts about finally meeting your long-time friend

(who now you wanted to be more than a friend and seeing him physically could totally help with that)

you arranged some lunch for you and your cat (magnus) and sat in front of the tv, wanting to find literally anything that would keep your mind occupied

luckily, it worked, and you let yourself lose track of time

until your phone beeped, indicating you had received a text

“i’m boarding now!! i’ll text you when i get there, can’t wait to see you”

“have a safe flight love”

you sighed dramatically and rested your arm against your forehead

magnus stared at you in confusion and boredom

“magnus, i think i’m going to die”

as promised, mark texted you as soon as the plane landed

you offered to go pick him up at the airport, but he denied, saying he had already scheduled a taxi

so now you were ready and dressed, going all over your apartment non stop

mark was texting you through all the taxi drive and updating you on his location, you growing more and more anxious as you knew he was getting closer

you went to the bathroom and as soon as you stepped out, a knock was heard on your door

it was soft and steady, and you opened your eyes widely when the realization of who the owner of the hand was hit you

you panicked, one last time

you even eyed your room window to check if you had any chance of jumping out and running away

but you took a deep breath and walked decidedly towards your door

you just had to remind yourself it was the same mark as always, and nothing could go wrong if there was him

thus, you opened the door

and the facetime pixels and instagram pictures could have never prepared you for how dreamy mark looked

you two stayed like that for a bit

just watching the other with shy eyes and smiles

you eventually snapped out of your trance and helped mark get his luggage inside

"it's a bit small but i hope you can make yourself comfortable"

"oh please it's perfect, don't worry" he gave you a reassuring smile before getting totally distracted by the fluffy ball of hair in your couch

"oh my god is that magnus!!!!"

after letting mark get comfortable and installed, you guys decided to take a walk and go over your apartment zone, showing mark all your favorite places and memories you had there

it was a bit cold and you were both tightened around your coats

eventually, it was getting late and more chilly

so you opted for going back to your place

as you walked there in a bit of silence, you could feel mark's body getting more close in proximity

you looked at him, his gaze fixed upon the path with a small grin on his lips

you got closer too

and you liked it

it was cold outside but when mark brushed against your body

canada has never felt more like summer

you guys were really close now

as you took step after step, your jackets made static sounds, rubbing against the other

you looked at mark and delicately touched one of his fingers with your pinky, as if asking for permission

he finally looked up from the way and focused on your eyes instead, breaking into a smile once again

he took a peek at your close hands and softly intertwined your fingers

both of your faces reddening, from the low temperature and the feelings that were growing in your stomach

when you got to your apartment you guys were still holding hands, but you realized you had to open the door with that one, and couldn't find the keys in your pocket

"y/n, you will have to let go of my hand to get the keys"

"that's the point. i don't want to"

"y/n, i'm freezing. please open the door i can still hold your hand when we're inside"

and yeah,,

he did

you changed into comfortable and warm clothes and prepared some hot chocolate while mark chose a movie in your laptop

when you entered the room, two mugs in hand

mark was lying on his stomach on your bed, his hand on his chin with his mouth a bit open while concentrating on the variation of movies netflix offered

you felt a shiver down your spine

he really was here

after taking a while to decide on a movie, or at least its genre, you just selected a random title

you turned off the lights and went back to your bed, getting under the covers

and you just felt warm

and whole

maybe more because of mark than the actual sheets that were meant to keep you heated

(he also held your hand the entire time, rubbing his thumb against your palm and drawing invisible figures on it)

your head rested on his shoulder and you went up as the same time his chest did with every breath he took

in some moment you stopped paying attention to the movie

your mind wandered off to thoughts about the boy, about how you have never felt this close to him. you felt like you were really inside his ribcage

still from his shoulder, you moved a bit so you could look at him

his face was glowing

yeah, the images and lights of the computer were reflecting on him

but you meant this boy glowed in the dark

he just had something in him

it was either rays of sunshine or neon paint

but he, in this frosty and amusing night within your bedroom walls, glowed on his own

he turned his gaze towards you too, and tightened the grip on your hand

you felt mark’s arm on your waist and he rearranged the position so you would be on his chest

hearing his heartbeat, it was music

mark always did music. and he himself was music too, his heart creating your new favorite beat

“markie”

“hm?”

“i’m falling asleep” you confessed with a drowsy voice, making him laugh

“let’s turn off the movie, shall we? we can continue it tomorrow”

he shut the laptop closed and placed it on your desk, quickly making his way back to the bed so he would hold you

you had prepared him another bed next to you, a mattress already covered

but he was showing no intentions of moving a muscle

“are you going to sleep here?”

“that was the plan, yeah” he giggled on your neck. you shuddered

“i made the bed just in case”

“i can go there if you prefer”

“no” pause “i want you here”

and he smiled proudly as he hid his face in the crook of your neck

you smelled nice, like coconut and vainilla and all his sweetest dreams combined

and with his arms around your waist he felt strong, like he could defeat anything that the world aimed at him

“do you think it was meant to be that we’re here after all this years? would you consider it destiny?” he thought out loud, gazing at you

“i can’t give you an answer right now”

“fine, philosophy major” he mocked, making you both laugh

“as a philosophy major, i don’t know. destiny is always a tricky thing to discuss”

“but as y/n, yeah, i believe it was meant to be”

he stared at you in awe

“i really want to kiss you right now”

[robinrunsfiction]

The Lonely Road

Pairing: Gerard Way x Female Reader

Rating: Teen (for online harassment)

Requested By: None

Word Count: 2,400

Author’s Note: Inspired by the song Outnumbered by Dermot Kennedy, so feel free to give it a listen as you read. Originally this was gonna be a Valentine’s story, but now Valentine’s is over, and so I just took out the brief mentions of it. Also it’s a Gerard story so of course it’s longer than intended so taking parts out probably is for the better 😅 Shout out to my number one @mariawritesfanfic for helping me wrap this story up

You scrolled through your twitter feed, as hours on the tour bus left you with few other options to pass the time. Your new album had just come out and you wanted to see how people were reacting to it. 

OMG @(YFN)(YLN)’s album is awesome! Everyone check it out now!

The only reason she’s famous is bc of @gerardway

The album is ok if you consider she fucked her way into stardom

I stg if mcr ever breaks up it’s gonna be (YN)'s fault

(YN) should just break up with gee so he can be with frank liek everyone knows he wants to be

You felt sick to your stomach as you read through the messages. Sure there were tweets from fans saying how much they enjoyed the album, and they love Gerard and you together, but those weren’t the ones that stuck out in your mind. It was the negative messages that caught your attention and soured your mood.

As if he was reading your thoughts, a text from Gerard appeared on your screen. “Hey sugar, congrats on the album. It’s amazing and so are you xoxo love you”

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes at the love and kindness of his message. “Thanks love," you replied before tossing your phone aside. You pulled shut the curtain on your bunk and let the tears fall silently. 

~

You had met Gerard at an award show. You had always been a fan of his and My Chem, but you were beyond nervous to say anything to him when you saw him across the room. When he approached you and said he actually had been listening to your music and was a fan, you thought you might transcend onto another plane of existence right then and there. You found him to be surprisingly easy to talk to and exchanged phone numbers so you could hang out sometime.

Hanging out sometime turned into hanging out often. Then one night under the stars in his backyard, your casual hanging out turned into sharing your thoughts, hopes, and fears you'd never voiced to anyone. The next day you were worried you'd never see or hear from him again, having revealed too much of your emotional baggage too soon, but that afternoon he called and asked you out on a real date. The date was perfect for two people like you and Gerard, complete with a tender, careful kiss that took your breath away. In an instant, you were falling hard.

After that it really became you and Gerard. When all of your friends found out, they were so happy for both of you, as they could see how happy you made each other. Then one day the rest of the world figured it out as well. Gerard had come to one of your recording sessions and had snapped a picture of you laughing in the recording booth and posted it online with the caption "the most beautiful person making the most beautiful sounds ❤" The fans put it together and a barrage of messages flooded your social media feed. Some people thought it was cute, many were awful, but you let it all roll off your back as you were too in love to care what anyone thought.

Months passed, and now that album was out. You had hoped Gerard would be able to join you on the road, but My Chem was in the studio themselves so he wasn't able to be there. You understood, but being away from him for the first time, while dealing with the stress of releasing an album, your first tour, and his angry fans, it was almost getting to be too much.

You had finally fallen asleep only to be awakened what felt like moments later by your manager Christine's voice.

"Rise and shine rock star, time to charm the lovely people of," she paused and you could hear her flipping through papers, "Fort Wayne, Indiana."

You sighed. You had wanted this for so long, it had been your dream for years. But now you were questioning everything.

~

"We're joined in studio by (YFN) (YLN), her new album just came out last week and we are loving it here on 106.7 FM," the overly cheerful radio host announced. “You have a lot of fans here in Madison!”

"Thank you," you replied with a tired smile. You hoped your lack of energy wasn't evident by your voice.

"Tell us, how much of an influence was your boyfriend? And for anyone who hasn't heard, (YN) is dating that oh so sexy MCR frontman, Gerard Way."

You had gotten this question at almost every interview, as if you were incapable of creating your own music. "He was there for some of the recording sessions, but a lot of the album was written before we met, so not a huge influence musically."

"What's it like to date someone so famous?"

"I mean, it's not like a topic of conversation for us," you replied sharply. You glanced up and saw the look Christine was giving you. "I mean, we talk about music and our projects and give each other feedback, but that's pretty much it. We're pretty normal weirdos."

After the interview was over and you played a few songs live, and then reboarded the bus.

"What the fuck was that?" Christine asked as the bus rolled down the road.

"What the fuck is with these interviews? It's never about me and my music. It's about Gee or the people on the internet and all the bullshit! That's not why I'm out here! I want to talk about my songs!"

Christine nodded. "Ok, I'm sorry girl. You're right. I'll make sure the next one we keep it focused on the music. We can't have you blowing up on another host."

"I didn't blow up! I snapped at worst," you retorted, rolling your eyes.

"Either way, we're on our way to Iowa now."

"Can't wait," you muttered and crawled into your bunk.

~

The dark cloud that had settled over you was not going away or getting better. While Christine was doing a better job of reminding the interviewers beforehand to lay off the relationship questions, they still came up, sometimes after the actual interview was over, sometimes they just disregarded your wishes all together to get juicy gossip. You did your best not to appear annoyed, but the longer you were away from Gerard, the harder it got.

She's an ugly, untalented leech! She doesn't love gee or else she would have put a song about him on the album!

He doesnt seem happy like he used to before her

The album jsut sucks. I mean i didnt listen to it, i just assume it does

She should just die

You couldn't take it any longer. The constant, incessant stream of hate coming at you was too much. You dialed Gerard and went into the back of the bus, shutting the door behind you.

"Hey (YN), how is everything goin?"

"I can't do it anymore Gee," you said, trying to keep your voice steady 

"Do what?" He asked, immediately concerned.

"Tour, be a musician, be someone in the public eye, I can't take it!" You sobbed, unable to control your emotions any longer. "I feel like I have no privacy anymore! Everything I do is wrong, everything I don't do is wrong! I just wanna give up! I don't wanna do this anymore!"

"Hey, hey, sugar, it's ok. Did someone say something to you today?"

"It's been every fucking day," you cried. "I wanna come home, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't want anyone to know who I am anymore."

"Take a deep breath," Gerard said, trying to keep you calm. "Where are you?"

"On the bus."

"Where are you going, or where were you?"

"I don't even know anymore. All I see is fucking corn everywhere."

"Ok, umm, where is Christine?"

"In her bunk," you sniffled.

"Can I talk to her?"

You got up and made your way to the bunks and knocked on the frame surrounding Christine's.

"Yea?" She asked, opening the curtain. "Woah, girl, what's wrong?"

"Gee wants to talk to you," you said holding out your phone.

"Hello? What's going on?" Christine asked Gerard. She listened and nodded and mm hmm'ed along. "She seemed stressed, but not that bad," she said as she watched you sink wearily to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest. "No, I hadn’t heard that… Yea, we're setting out from Omaha now, on our way to Denver," she paused. "Ok... Yea... Sounds good. Yea, we'll get our girl through this."

You looked up at her from your spot on the floor and she smiled down sympathetically and handed the phone back to you.

"Gee?" You said softly, the anger and fear and frustration having quieted.

"Hey sugar, we've got a plan for you, you're gonna be ok. But where are you hearing from the people that are criticizing you?"

"Twitter," you mumbled and you heard Christine mutter "I knew it."

"Delete it, you don't need that in your life. You're too talented and beautiful and wonderful to let anyone make you feel anything less," he said gently. "I love you, (YN) ."

"Love you too," you replied, a smile finally cracking through.

"Get some rest, we'll talk soon."

~

You had immediately crawled into your bunk and fallen into a deep sleep. The weight of your thoughts no longer weighing you down now that you had shared them with Gerard. When you finally woke up, you were rolling into Denver. You made your way to the front of the bus to find Christine on her phone.

"What's on the schedule today?" You yawned.

"Nothing."

"What?"

"You need a day off. We've been pushing you way too hard, and I just wish I would have realized it sooner. So we moved your interview to tomorrow afternoon and we're staying here overnight."

"Really?" You asked, stunned.

"Yep, we're going to the hotel right now."

It was incredibly refreshing to be in a hotel with a real bed and shower, and everyone was actually thankful for your meltdown that got them this break. 

You took an extra long, hot shower to allow your muscles to relax, and then crawled into bed to call Gerard and give him an update. As his phone rang you heard a knock on your door. Keeping your ear to your phone in case he picked up you answered the door. 

"Gerard!" You squealed as you launched yourself at him and he wrapped you in his arms.

"I missed you so much (YN)," he murmured against your neck. "I couldn't stand to hear the pain in your voice and not be there to make it better.”

"But you hate flying! And your studio time!" You exclaimed as you pulled him into your room and he dropped his bag on the floor.

“We were spinning our wheels and needed a break from recording,” he smiled reassuringly before he leaned in and kissed you with all the longing that had built up over the weeks apart. You ran your hands through his black hair and felt the tears slip down your cheeks. “And I’d fly to the moon if it meant I could spend a minute with you. I just wish I could have been here for you from the beginning, I wish I realized that you were struggling.”

“I didn’t want you to worry about me. I thought I could handle it, but everything kept chipping away at me until I broke down completely.”

“I wanna worry about you, (YN). You’re my girl and I love you, and I wanna be there for you no matter what,” he said softly, wiping away the tears on your cheeks.

“Thank you,” you replied. “It’s just hard when it’s coming at you from every direction.”

“I know,” he said, pulling you back to him in a tight hug. “But for today it’s just you and me. No one else matters.”

You smiled up at him before pulling him into another sweet kiss.

~

The next morning you woke up with Gerard’s arms wrapped around you, holding you close. It almost felt too good to be true. As he slowly started to wake up, he gave you his lopsided smile and you couldn’t help but grin in return.

“I needed this so much,” you said as you buried your face against his neck.

“I did too,” he said squeezing you tight, his voice still raspy with sleep.

“Thank you for being here. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” he said leaning down to give you a quick kiss. “Wait, I didn’t give you your presents yet.”

“What presents?” You asked sitting up, as he reached over the side of the bed to grab his bag. "I don’t have anything for you!"

"It's nothing, just a couple things I made for you," he said pulling out a large flat envelope and handing it to you.

You carefully pulled out the drawing that was inside. "Oh it's beautiful!”

"It's us the night we watched the stars and talked for hours. That was the night I realized I was falling in love with you. I was so scared you wouldn't even like me like that," he laughed softly.

"It's perfect," you replied. "What's this? ‘Gee+(YN)=gross, a big sappy love mix’" you laughed at scribbled handwriting on the cover of the cd case. Around the words was a big heart and lots of little hearts.

"It’s a mix of songs that remind me of you, and me and you, but Frank decorated the cover. He doesn't really think we're gross, he's just-"

"Frank," you laugh.

"Exactly," Gerard replied. "I was just hoping this would help you get through the last days of your tour."

"It will," you smiled and threw your arms around him. “I think just having you here for a day was enough to get me through. And I know now that I shouldn’t just bottle up what I’m feeling.”

Gerard nodded. “We’re a team, you and me. Let me help you when you’re down and keep you safe from all the bastards and shit talkers.”

“Sounds like a plan,” you smiled as you leaned in and kissed him. “But only if you promise to let me help you do the same.”

“I promise.”

[blu-joons]

Being Married To Jungkook ~ BTS Headcanon

Your Wedding

Your wedding was better than you could have ever imagined, it was everything you wanted

The two of you had spent hours together discussing how you wanted the day to go, both of you were meticulous making sure every detail was perfect

You married in a country park, a gorgeous tepee with fairy lights everywhere created a dreamlike reception

Jungkook was in awe of the whole occasion, especially how beautiful you looked

“All of this feels like I’m in a dream, it’s just magical.”

Both your families were in attendance, they were massive fans of your relationship

Jungkook definitely sobbed during his speech, as soon as he began, he couldn’t hold himself together, allowing the happy tears to fall

His eyes were on you all the time, how he got so lucky, he didn’t know

Your wedding photos looked incredible, Jungkook was also going around with his camera throughout the day, snapping pictures of your guests

The boys were of course his best men, his biggest fans throughout the day

“Who’d of thought the baby maknae would be the first of us to get married?”

Your first dance was beautiful, Jungkook made to show you off to all the guests, standing in the background of your stunning dress

Neither of you wanted the day to end, the weather was perfect creating the most incredible atmosphere

It was easily the best day of your lives

He couldn’t wait to look towards the future and see what married life brought to you both

Being Married To Each Other

The first few days of married life created a lot of smiles for you both, you kept having to remind yourself you were married

One of your favourite things to do was play with your ring, admiring what he had chosen

You couldn’t wait to look back at all the photos, sending them to all your friends and families, scrapbooking them all as keepsakes

“I wish we could do it all over again, if I could get married everyday for the rest of my life I would.”

“I don’t know, marrying you once Kookie was stressful enough.”

All the sleepless nights you’d spent planning ended up being worth it

Jungkook couldn’t wait to print off his photos and piece them together

He had a few days off from the studio to be able to spend time with his new wife

You spent the evening of your wedding in a nearby hotel, Jungkook easily picked you up, carrying you over the threshold

“Now this makes everything feel official, carrying my wife to bed.”

Your honeymoon took a bit of time when you could find time in his busy schedule to get away for a week

One of your favourite chores after marriage was changing all your details so they were addressed to Mrs Jeon

Being married brought new responsibilities, the two of you suddenly felt incredibly grown up

Jungkook didn’t want to become complacent, he still took you out on date nights to keep the spark

You couldn’t bring yourself to return your dress, keeping it hung up in your wardrobe

He loved to introduce you as his wife, a big smile was always on his face as he did so

Everyone knew the two of you were going to get married, you were made for each other

Eventually your wedding video came from the videographers, you settled on the sofa one night to watch it through

Of course, Jungkook cried, he cried at anything, the opening montage was enough to set him off

“Kookie, this video is an hour long, you can’t be crying already.”

“But, look how cute you look getting ready, how can you not feel emotional?”

Suddenly, the two of you found yourself very domesticated, interior design was one of your favourite things

It didn’t take long for Jungkook to start thinking about children, and what the two of you look would forward to next

He began to move away from work a bit more to dedicate more time with you and settle as you built a family

A lot of keepsakes were kept from your wedding, little table decorations, table runners, anything cute

You received a lot of wedding gifts, things for your house were one of the major things guests brought

The fans also sent a lot of good luck messages beforehand, they couldn’t wait to see all your photos

Not much changed for you both, aside from a change of name, you still had the same love and respect for each other

It took a long time for you to adapt to married life, introducing yourself by your maiden name

His family spent a lot of time with you both too, helping you to sort things out

You still felt like you only just began dating sometimes, you kept a lot of the fun in your relationship, date nights were big, and trips were important

Jungkook loved to have you on tour still too, he would always ring you wanting to spend time with you

Being married was what you both had dreamt of for quite a while, so for it to come true, was the happiest day of your lives

It brought the two of you both closer together as you enjoyed your new outlook on life

Your Honeymoon

Your honeymoon was everything the two of you could have dreamed of, it was exactly what you needed to spend some quality time together

You flew to Bali as it was somewhere neither of you had ever been before

Going away was all about relaxing, you wanted to forget about the world and enjoy the bliss

Jungkook loved spending days with you when you wore your bikini, you looked, incredible

He loved to explore with you too, going on little adventures, leaping through forests or running down beaches

His camera was his best friend, anything he could take a photo of, he would, so you could remember it all

It was rare for him to get so much time with you, so he was determined to make the most of it

You also reminisced about your wedding and all the little moments that made you smile

“I will never forget Hobi’s drunk dancing, it was a sight for sore eyes.”

“Or, when Namjoon tried to do a cartwheel, I mean, what was he thinking?”

The boys weren’t happy about you being away, they called everyday to see how you both were

You bumped into a few fans, but they were incredibly respectful that it was your time

Both of you kept your social medias up to date so the fans could see what you were up to

Most of your trips were once in a lifetime, Jungkook wanted to make it the best week of your life

You went paragliding, swimming with dolphins, all the things you could only dream of as a child came true

Neither of you wanted it to end as your two weeks away came to an end

The boys, however, couldn’t wait to have you both back in their lives

“We’re missing you like crazy, make sure you bring us back a present.”

Marital Issues

As with all couples the two of you had your fair share of arguments, the responsibilities were rather overwhelming

Bills and paperwork were the main topics of discussion, Jungkook never really understood how to handle them having had people do it for them

The realisation that marital bliss did come to an end at some point was hard on him

He hated arguing with you, he loved you, but sometimes it was just natural

Jungkook would always say sorry if there was an argument, it made him incredibly sad

All he needed to do was glance down at his wedding band to remind himself that the argument was stupid and irrelevant

You were always there to comfort him after an argument, talking it through was the best way for you both

For most of the time the two of you got on incredibly well, there wasn’t much for you to argue about

If anything, you argued less when married as Jungkook made sure to spend more time with you

You were best friends, you hated raising your voices

Having seen how marriage affected some of your friends you were both determined to make yours work

“I hate arguing with you, it breaks my heart, can we just forget about all of this?”

Forgiveness was a must, you helped to teach Jungkook about all the things marriage entailed

He loved that you were willing to help him learn about how a good husband was expected to behave

Looking To The Future

If it wasn’t made clear before, Jungkook was desperate to start a family with you and build a family

Being married made you both feel grown up as if you were finally adults with adult responsibilities

Performing was one of his dreams, but another was definitely starting a family

“I feel like I’m ready to settle down soon, babies are the next step I think.”

You also brought your first house, taking a bit of independence away from the band, and having somewhere of his own

Kook was desperate to be a good husband, he was incredibly respectful and supportive of you

He loved everything about marriage, he loved being a husband and telling everyone about you

Naturally, he couldn’t be happier knowing that he had you for the rest of his life and you weren’t going anywhere

The thought of the rest of his life with you was the best thing ever

The Boys Take On Your Marriage

All the boys were the biggest fans of your relationship, they thought you suited Jungkook perfectly, there was no one better for him

Jin loved to tease him as the new grandad of the group as he settled down with you

“You must be feeling old now JK, you’re basically like an old man.”

Namjoon was on hand to look after you both, he was so proud, thinking back to the days when he first met Jungkook, and now, he was a married man

Your favourite moment was a song Jimin had written to perform at your reception, dedicated to the two of you and moments you’d spent together

Hobi took the lead on their best man speech for sure, he was in charge so that everything went perfectly, retelling lots of jokes

“I always remember when Jungkook fell flat on his face the first time Y/N came to visit us at the studio because he was so embarrassed.”

Taehyung brought the best gift; he was the one that designed one of the scrapbooks for the two of you to fill with memories

Yoongi wasn’t big on weddings, but he was big on you, happy to support you both on your special day

They were there with you through everything, they helped you to plan and set up your whole wedding to reduce the stress on you both

All of them adored you, they couldn’t have been happier to attend your wedding

Masterlist

[kingofdirtandnothing]

@polyfacetious big ass Christmas Drabble Extravagaza: Day Thirteen

To say the house was a fixer upper was kind of, maybe an understatement. 

To say that it was a strong breeze away from being condemned was a little bit more dramatic in the other direction, but the house rested firmly between the two of them. Barely livable, an eyesore. 

Bertie loved it. 

“You know what I see when I look at this house?” He’s pretty sure that Stiles’ cough sounds remarkably like asbestos poisoning but Bertie ignores it. Stiles would come around in time, he just needed to see things from a new perspective. 

“I see opportunity. This place will basically come down to the frames. Which means that we get to choose everything when we build it back up, kiddo. We get to choose the paint, the flooring, where the walls are, the windows, closets. Everything. This can be our…”

For just a moment, he hears Ruthie’s voice when Stiles answers. “Our forever house.” Bertie hooks an arm around his son’s shoulders, pulling him in against his side with an obnoxious dad squeeze. Stiles was taller every day, and closer to being a man. 

Bertie was absolutely, positively not ready to let him grow up yet. But as much as he wanted Stiles to be Peter Pan and this house to be his neverland, that wasn’t the way of the world. And yeah, Bertie had taken longer than he’d liked to get them here, but he still had two more years to get the forever house built before Stiles left for college.

Two more years to make memories, to try and be more than the shadow of grief he’s been for too long. Stiles spent too much of his childhood looking after Bertie, making sure he ate when he couldn’t get out of bed, making sure he slept with the mania hit him like a freight train. Bertie was settled now, he was on his meds now, but there was no giving Stiles back those years of his life. 

But now he was stable, he was medicated, and almost more importantly, he was doing great financially. Once the book about his teenage years with Ruthie hit the shelves, his back catalog started selling like hot cakes. People were already clamoring for another book about the two young lovers on the creek. 

Bertie just hoped working on the house would keep the grief from drowning him again when he started writing. Because as much as he loved Ruthie, as much as he loved keeping her alive on the page, it was exhausting to go back there. 

To go back to the place where he still had hope for a happily ever after, and wasn’t a twenty one year old with a newborn son and a wife in the ground. 

“Exactly.” Bertie’s voice is soft when he answers, peeling himself off of Stiles’ side so that he can fish the keys out of his pocket and unlock the padlock that was holding the front door closed. 

Stiles had already taken care of the sign in the front yard, pulling it out of the soft dirt and tossing it over the back fence. Bertie would call the realtor sometime this week to come pick it up. But at the moment, the priority was just having it out of sight and out of mind. This was their place now. Bertie didn’t even want to look at the big red ‘SOLD’ sticker slapped across the front of it. (Those things were magnetized. Who knew?)

The padlock clicks in his hand, the heavy weight of it shifting into his palm as it opens, and Bertie pulls it away from the door. “Ready?” He steals a look over at Stiles, who puts on a smile for him. (Bertie really hoped they could get to a point where Stiles smiled at him, and not for him.)

The front door creaks open, catching on the tile just inside of the door with a deep scratching sound that makes Bertie and Stiles both wince. Okay, so fixing the hinges on the front door was on the list. It could be at the top of the list. 

Inside, the house was...well, it was rough. There were pieces of tarp hung over broken windows, and the walls had holes in places in the drywall. In the kitchen, pieces of tile were missing in random places, making it look like an awkward checkerboard. 

Each and every thing was put on a mental checklist. New flooring for the kitchen. Pull up the carpet in the living room. Replace the fixtures in the hallway. There was a lot of work to be done, that was for sure. 

“Dad, tell me we’re not sleeping here.” Stiles however, wasn’t sounding convinced. Bertie looked back at his son to see him picking at a spiderweb that was hanging from the ceiling, and the piece of drooping wallpaper that was hanging low beside it, like a flower that hadn’t seen the sun in too long. 

Well once they got the windows in here replaced and some nice shutters, there would be plenty of sunlight. (And no more wallpaper, that was going the way of the dinosaurs.)

“We’re not.” He could give the kid that much at least. “We’ve got an apartment rented in town.” That way they had a place with air conditioning and running water where they could shower and rest their heads at night. “And yes, it has wifi.” He could see the question building on the tip of Stiles’ tongue, and Bertie cuts it off at the pass.

He needed wifi too, no matter how high and mighty he wanted to act about it. He had emails from the publisher to answer, and social media that he had to put out for his followers. And honestly? Bertie liked watching those oddly satisfying videos on youtube when he couldn’t sleep at night. There was just something about watching someone cut into a cake that was shaped to look like a watermelon. It made a guy want to catch some Z’s. 

Stiles relaxes from his shoulders all the way down to his toes, and turns new eyes back on the house around them. “Look.” Bertie hooks an arm over Stiles’ shoulder and points down the hallway. “That one can be your room.” 

Bertie had plans for an office for himself on the other side of the hall, but you had to lead with the good stuff. The kid wasn’t going to be excited about natural lighting and a nice place to set up his computer. 

“And down there…” A formal dining room, tucked away behind the kitchen. This was the money maker, the room he was going to sell the place to Stiles on, he just knew it. “This is going to be our theater room. Eighty inch flatscreen TV, full surround sound set up. I’m talking about speakers hanging in the ceiling. Full theater experience. And the fancy leather recliners that are mechanical.” Bertie makes a soft whirring sound with his tongue, mimicking the way the bottoms of the recliners would rise up with the motor’s help, and he’s rewarded with a laugh. 

There’s a light in Stiles’ eyes as they stand in the entry way to the dining room that would soon be a theater masterpiece, and the heart of the house. Stiles was seeing it now. That was one thing that his boy never lacked. Stiles’ cup runneth over when it came to imagination. When he was a little boy, he could spin stories better than some of Bertie’s peers at the publishing house. And it had always been as natural to him as breathing.

“What if we did a couch in the middle? Same leather. Cupholders, usb chargers, the whole nine yards?” Stiles spreads his hands out wide in front of him, encompassing where he was seeing the couch in his mind’s eyes. “Two recliners, one on each side. That way if we have people over, we have room for them too. Or if we want to sprawl out or something. You know, get cozy.”

Bertie’s heart was big and bright and warm in his chest. Stiles was thinking of this place long term. He was thinking about having friends over. Or maybe a significant other. And that’s all that Bertie wanted out of life. For his boy to be happy. 

“I think that sounds great. Really great.” He squeezes Stiles’ shoulder again, and shifts all those mental plans around in his head. Aside from the things that they needed to fix for the house to be safe for them to be in, he was going to start with the theater room. 

“Dark wood paneling would be good too. It will make it look rich with the light on, and it’ll soak up the darkness when the lights are off. A good carpet, too. Something you can dig your bare toes into.” Part him wants to do the dumb thing and use the red carpet on the floor and the LED strips lining the way to and from the door. 

“We should do straight up movie theater carpet. The dumb kind with the stars. And the lights on the floor!” Stiles laughs, pointing along the floor to the door. Bertie loves Stiles even more in that moment, selfishly to still see himself in his son, that Stiles was still his little boy in some way. 

“Now we have to.” Bertie nods in faux solemnity, and gets another laugh for his trouble. He can’t remember the last time that they both laughed like this. It feels like it’s been years. Back when Stiles was still small and still believed that Bertie was the best thing in the world. 

But it was more than that. The power balance between them had always been a little bit wonky, what with Bertie’s illness. But this...being here together, it felt like being partners. Equals. All the more, it made this feel like a fresh start. One that they both chose for themselves.

And maybe Stiles didn’t need a fresh start as much as dear old dad did, but he was still here, along for the ride. That was the kind of man Stiles was. Always willing to do what anyone else needed of him. It was both his best, and his worst quality and Bertie would always carry two shoulders full of guilt at being the one who put that in him. No child should ever have to care for their parent. 

All Bertie could do now was try and teach Stiles that there were lines. Boundaries to be protected. To teach the kid to protect his own big, soft heart. Somebody would have to, or Stiles would spend the rest of his life setting himself on fire to keep other people warm. 

“Okay. Theater room is settled, then. How about we go get a rough sketch of your room down?” Bertie steers them away from their big project, and back down the warped and water stained hallway to the second biggest bedroom. (Sorry kiddo, dad loves you a lot but he wasn’t giving up the master bedroom to you.) Somehow, there was only one creaky floorboard along the way. Bertie decides in one impulsive moment that he’s going to keep it. It would give the house charm, when everything was shiny and new. 

“I was thinking…” He lets the words hang long, playing up the dramatics of it until Stiles elbowed him in the side. Bertie oofs with laughter. “Alright, alright. I was thinking a big cork board set into the wall here. Sixty inches, maybe.” Stiles was always pinning stuff up in his room, mental maps and spider’s webs of ideas. And he’d gotten to the point that he had two cork boards set onto the walls next to each other, red and yellow string strung taught between them. “Maybe bigger, even. We could actually do floor to ceiling.”

A space big enough for all those big thoughts in Stiles’ head. 

“What do you think?”

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Taking in the sights of Golden City

The Golden City sure is bright! Everything about it is so fascinating - the architecture, the roads, the trees - the place doesn't seem real. From traveling via whale taxi to the floating buildings and crystalline gazebos, it's no wonder Golden City is on top of many people's must see places before they die - mine included.

Seeing that Golden City seems to be in a world of its own, I never expected to run across a familiar face there - especially one who's currently in the process of renovating an old building to turn into her very own company. I've heard rumors but to see it actually happen - it seems so unreal.

Who would've thought that Ginko Okabe, director of a big marketing company, would start her own thing? And her business partner happens to be Benji Yoshino, a big hotshot tech genius. They crossed paths when Benji met up with the higher ups at Ginko's old workplace and at the time he happened to be acquainted with Manaka. Throw in Shiran then you've got three unlikely people who somehow ended up being friends with such a high profile figure.

Ginko's been super busy with the move from the metropolitan, strictly business city of Hailstorm Bay to the glowing, almost otherworldly place of Golden City. Now that her apartment's all set, the next step is getting the office building ready. So she and her friends have been busy with that for the past week.

With things moving smoothly, Ginko figured that they could all use a break. After all, it's not easy taking an hour long train to Golden City after a 9 to 5 shift to help clean up an old building as well as move furniture. She didn't expect her former coworkers to step up like that but they wouldn't let her hire a bunch of strangers to put her office together. With her giving them an opportunity to leave their monotonous, unfulfilling, (and sometimes toxic) work environment to be a part of her team, doing the heavy lifting was their way of thanking her.

Before heading out to meet up with Benji and Shiran, Ginko gave us a tour of the office. It's one thing to see snippets of the renovation on social media, it's another to see how much progress has been made in a week. What was once an old, run down building will soon be bustling with activity.

After seeing the office, we headed to the cafe and caught up with Benji and Shiran. They've been dating for a while but it wasn't until recently they were open about it. We all kinda suspected it so it wasn't a surprise when they made it official. First Manaka, now Shiran, what is it about diligent working class accountants that would draw in a wealthy, head in the clouds, tech genius like Benji?

How the former accountant and the eccentric millionaire came to be together is one of those stories where it all came down to chance. Benji first met Manaka through skydiving classes. Then they ran into each other again by chance on the streets around the same time he was installing a new security system for the company. Eventually word got out about their relationship, forcing Manaka to lay low for a while - which is partly why he and Shiran kept things under wraps for a long time. While they got along well, they didn't always meet eye to eye, especially about their futures. Manaka wanted stability while Benji jumped from one thing to another - it wasn't meant to be.

Running into Shiran was also a chance encounter. Shiran was interested in Manaka but the feeling wasn't mutual. The two met in college and ended up working in the same place, but aside from the office, they rarely saw each other outside of that. It took a while but Shiran was able to accept that while he and Manaka grew to become good friends, a romance wasn't in the cards for them.

Shiran and Benji literally bumped into each other on the streets and from there an unlikely friendship came about. Shiran was in awe of Benji at first because of his achievements, then slightly jealous when he found out he was dating Manaka, and then cool with him after the mutual breakup. Ginko was surprised to find them causally hanging out together. Soon the duo became a trio.

Things haven't been the same since Manaka's death. A series of workplace safety violations resulted in an explosion that injured many, even killing a few. Manaka, Shiran, and three other people were trapped in the basement, which was on the verge of collapsing, complicating the rescue. All five were rescued and taken to the hospital, where Manaka later died of her injuries. It happened suddenly, totally unexpected as she was fully conscious, alert, and walking when they found her.

Shiran fell into a deep depression for a while, leading to other problems. Ginko struggled a lot too but did her best to not let that affect her work. She later admitted that trying to do damage control over what happened was the hardest thing she ever did, one that made her completely disillusioned with the company. Benji, Ami and Karrie were grieving as well but kept a brave face in public.

Benji was the one who helped Shiran get back on his feet. He said that his biggest regret was not reaching out to Manaka after the breakup. While they were cool with each other and wanted to stay friends, they didn't do a good job of keeping in contact. Benji was out of town when the explosion happened and flew in as soon as he heard, planning to visit Manaka and Shiran at the hospital the next morning.

Just when all of that was behind them, an investigation of Manaka's death reopened the pain and grief for all of them. Apparently the doctor who treated her is on trial as several of his patients have died due to negligence in the past few years. In other words, the deaths of Manaka and many others could've been easily prevented if they had proper medical care. It's already bad enough that she died in a freak accident that shouldn't have happened, and now we find out that her death could've been avoided all together.

Just thinking about all that - damn. Manaka was sweet and spunky, a bit on the obedient and passive side, but always one to go out and try new things. I never understood why she always got the short end of the stick at work - and she certainly never deserved to have her life cut so short like this. Whenever I think about her, I can't help but wonder why the universe can be so unfair at times.

So with the thing going on with the doctor, people are being questioned and such, like Manaka's parents and Shiran for example. Thankfully Shiran doesn't have to testify or anything but the whole thing brought back painful memories for everyone. Shiran admitted that he's still a bit shaken up but he'll be fine. Benji's been like a rock for him, which is good.

Ginko said that since [redacted], Benji has come down to earth, or so others like to say. He's still got his head in the clouds, though no longer floating aimlessly in the sky - Manaka gave him some much needed perspective. He may be an eccentric billionaire with too much free time on his hands who is constantly daydreaming, but when he wants to make an effort, to make a change, to help a friend, he gives it his all.

It's clear how much he still loves Manaka, how she helped him shape up after spending most of his time doing whatever without much of a care. It's also clear how much he loves Shiran - the dedication it took to get him out of a bad place, he didn't have to put himself out there but he chose to. And from what I heard, it was a rough time all around - blackouts, alcohol, sleepless nights, listlessness, apathy - a continuous downward spiral for Shiran.

Since everyone was so busy with the move, Ginko and the guys didn't really have the chance to really explore Golden City. So I figured that now's a good time since we're all here and can experience the wonders of the city together.

First of all, riding the whale taxis is like floating on a cloud. We can choose to have our taxi act as a tour guide - which we did - and that made things a lot more fun! With public transportation as reliable and entertaining as this, who needs to spend extra money on cars? Our whale taxi was so sweet and informative - I can easily spend a day listening to them ramble on about Golden City - not that we haven't already! Because we enjoyed the tour so much, Benji had us booked with them for tomorrow so we have that to look forward to.

The floating gazebos are a must see in Golden City according to many reviews. Made from the finest environmentally safe materials, these gazebos were all built by hand, created to be enjoyed by all, whether it's to appreciate the architecture, hang out with friends, have some time to yourself or to gaze into the horizon. I think my favorite is the Prosperity Cliff gazebo, which overlooks the ocean, giving you a clear view of the mountains and islands. Prosperity Cliff isn't as busy this time of year because it's kinda chilly so it's nice to have the place to ourselves.

Maybe someday when we make another trip during the fall or spring we can take a trip up to the mountains. We probably won't be able to go far since it's kinda rough up there but I've heard there's some good spots for a picnic, a short hike, and maybe a swim depending on the time of day.

Of course, in between sightseeing and shopping we stopped by to enjoy the local cuisine. There's a lot of Japanese fusion places - including a Japanese-Cambodian one, which is one of Ginko's go-to restaurants for takeout because the sushi is top notch along with the soups - so that was an adventure as well!

Our plan was to get back to the hotel by eleven but of course we got distracted and spent an hour at the park watching the fireworks show. Shiran ended up missing the last train, though it's not a big deal as he usually crashes at Benji's place. By the time Daisy Jane and I got back to the hotel it was past one, which isn't too late by our standards. Good thing we won't be meeting up with the others until eleven tomorrow as that's morning for all of us.

Totally looking forward to more sights and wonders to enjoy tomorrow!

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: Parent Trap 4/10 (Keanu x Reader)

Summary: Annie and Hallie are twin sisters who never met until they end up in the same summer camp together. They decide to switch places to see how the other lives. Hallie heads to Los Angeles to meet Keanu, owner of Arch Motorcycle Company, while Annie goes to New York to meet you, rising fashion designer and their aunt. Their plan is simple: get their parents together to make the perfect family. If only it could be that easy… Previous chapters: prologue | 1 2 3: 

Author’s notes: So here we are, back with parent trap. I shall remember for future references that I can’t manage two series at once. Anyway, let’s get to it and as usual feedback is always greatly appreciated.

Wordcount: 3404

Warnings: none. Just lots of fluff

You looked away from the blank page of your sketchbook and across the cashier’s counter to Hallie. It had been a couple of days since the girl had returned home and to your surprise, she asked to come to the store with you.

It wasn’t completely unusual for her to come. There was a nice bookstore a couple of stores over and she sometimes liked to spend time reading there. The elderly couple that owned the place pampered Hallie with cookies like she was their grandkid and in turn, she helped them with computer stuff and small tasks around the shop.

What was surprising was to see Hallie browsing the racks of clothes in the store, picking up a few pieces and bringing with her to mirror to check it out, adding this and that accessory to see how she could look on the outfit. Once in a while, she would ask if there were any of them in her size and if she could have it.

That along with all the other odd things you had been noticing about your niece were starting to, well not exactly worry you, more like get you to notice and pay attention even more than usual. It was all small little things, like going off meat and making sure to stylish her hair every morning or how she would try to sneak some ham pieces to Salem to get the cat to come over or how she was always on the phone…

Of course, you didn’t expect her to stay the same forever. Hallie was a teenager, she was growing up, discovering herself and what she liked, who she wanted to be. It was just weird to witness the process and how fast it seemed to be happening. You didn’t remember going through so many changes at once. Then again, your teen years had been spent under Mary’s shadow since she demanded so much attention from your parents.

You were the quiet kid, the one that didn’t give any trouble. Maybe that was why you didn’t feel like much had changed for you. You were always the one that spent hours in your room, either reading or drawing, Mary was the one with all the friends and parties and behavior issues. Now here you were, raising her child, while Mary…

Letting out a sigh at your gloomy thoughts, your attention shifted to the board you built as inspiration for your new collection. Color pallet and textures, geometric figures and flowers and movies and songs, they all called to you whenever you were trying to create, but it almost felt like this time you couldn’t get anything down on paper and it was getting so frustrating.

“You have that look on,” Maggie said, coming from storage with a few new outfits to change the mannequins. “The I can’t draw and I want to punch something look. It’ll come to you. Just be patient.”

“I didn’t know you had a name for it,” you chuckled, setting the pencil aside. “And I can’t afford to be patient, we have bills to pay.”

Once again you sighed, reminded of the three envelops of overdue charges that you stuck in your drawer on Friday. You needed a new collection ASAP and it needed to do well otherwise the store would have to close doors and everything you and Maggie had fought for would be over.

She had been with you since the beginning, the marketing and sales guru to your artistic tendencies. Maggie was the one to suggest the store in the first place. The one who built the website for online shopping… Basically, she was the one that made all of this possible and you couldn’t even deliver your end.

“We still have some savings to hold us until next month,” Maggie assured, squeezing your shoulders. “Just go easy on yourself, enjoy your time with Hallie and it will happen.”

At the mention of your niece’s name, you turned your attention at the girl again. She was spotting one of the dresses on sale, along with the personalized denim jacket you made for her, her battered old converse and a pair of aviators from the store. She looked amazing and stylish and you stood up, picking up the camera you kept in the store.

You were hoping to sneak a picture since you knew Hallie hated them, but as soon as she saw the camera, she actually struck a pose for you. Deciding to think about it later, you snapped several pictures of the girl noticing she had a natural talent for modeling.

“Put this one on, please,” you asked, giving Hallie one of the daisy overshirts from the latest collection and she dutifully obeyed before you led her outside where the light was better.

You got lost in the process of taking pictures. It had been quite a while since you had done it. Usually, Maggie was the one to take pictures for the store social media so you forgot how this could be fun, especially with such a willing model. Hallie worked effortlessly through the suggested poses, only pausing to change outfits, always with a wide smile in her face.

“What do we have here?” the familiar smooth baritone of Jason brought you back to the present and you realized it was almost noon. “Hallie willingly letting her picture to be taken?”

You put the camera down, tilting your head to receive the kiss Jason pressed on your cheek, his hand resting on the small of your back as he looked over at Hallie, which made your attention turn to her as well.

Hallie loved Jason. He was like an uncle to her, but right now she was looking from him to you to the point of contact between you two with a deep frown. You didn’t know why her stare made you self-conscious, but you stepped away so Jason was no longer touching you and offered him a quick smile.

“I guess she was feeling generous,” you joked weakly and Jason at least flashed a smile back, but Hallie didn’t react at all.

“Well, I hope I’m not interrupting. Just thought I could take my two favorite girls to lunch.”

His smile widened all white teeth and sweet dimples. His blue eyes warm and hopeful and you felt the familiar warmth in your chest as you nodded, glancing at Hallie once again.

“That sounds great, doesn’t it, Hal?”

“Sure,” the girl replied dryly. “I’m gonna change.”

She was gone before you could even think about saying anything else, leaving you to stand alone with Jason in awkward silence.

“Is everything ok?” he asked, with a confused frown and you just shrugged because you had no idea.

The walk to the deli was made in a strange silence because every time Jason tried to strike up a conversation, Hallie would just give him monosyllabic responses and whenever he tried to talk to you, she would just give you two this look and any conversation would simply die down.

You wished you knew what was happening, why she was being so cold with Jason, but you couldn’t just ask when he was right there. It would be rude.

“Did I do something?” Jason asked when Hallie excused herself to go to the restroom. “I mean, she’s usually hard to please, but today…”

“I don’t know,” you sighed and shrugged. “She’s just…” you trailed off, unsure what to say because how could you definite it without being weird?

“Anyway…” Jason started, thankfully moving on from the subject. “I ran into Becky yesterday.” You just arched your eyebrow at him in expectation, because whenever he ran into his ex trouble seemed to follow. “She’s helping to organize this fashion show in Los Angeles and one of their designers dropped off last minute so I kinda showed some of your stuff and she was interested.”

You froze, bagel halfway to your mouth. Did you just hear Jason right? He had asked his ex-girlfriend, a woman you couldn’t stand, for a spot on her fashion show on your behalf.

“I know what you’re thinking…” Jason started and you snorted.

“I don’t think so.”

“Seriously, I know you have your issues with Becky, but this a real chance for you and the store.” You hated that he was right.

“When is it gonna be?”

“In two weeks,” he said with a grimace. “And it has to be all-new pieces.”

“Fuck!”

You had been struggling for a month to get anything on paper and now you had to have an entire collection ready in two weeks. You wiped the cream cheese filling that has spilled from your bagel on the napkin and looked out the window. There was no way you could do it. But if you didn’t do it, you’d be missing a huge opportunity.

“Alright,” you sighed, squeezing the bridge of your nose. “Tell her yes.”

“You can do this,” Jason said with a smile, taking your hand across the table. “I believe in you.”

You wished you could be as confident in yourself as Jason seemed to be, but right now a knot of anxiety had just formed in your belly, the loose ends snaking around your chest, squeezing your lungs and making it harder to breathe.

“I should get going,” you sighed, grabbing your things just as Hallie finally emerged from the restroom, her expression lighting up as she noticed you were getting ready to leave. “Talk to you later.”

“Bye Justin!” Hallie called out over her shoulder with a barely disguised smirk as she followed you outside, her own uneaten veggie sub in hand.

“What was that?” you asked with a suspicious frown as the two of you made your way back to the store. “Justin?”

“I messed up his name. Sorry.” She shrugged looking to anyone else like the picture of innocent, but you knew better. So you just stared Hallie down, eyebrow crocked up in expectation, arms crossed over your chest. “Fine!” she sighed. “What’s up with you and Jason?”

You weren’t expecting this question and it took you by surprise, making you start walking again as a way to avoid Hallie’s piercing green eyes. She always had a way to look at you that made you just talk about anything even if she was just a kid and you shouldn’t just tell her everything you were feeling.

“He’s a friend, you know that,” you said trying to take the safe path out of this mess.

“Who’s clearly in love with you and you know it, Dave,” Hallie pointed out, quickening her step so she could step in front of you, making you halt. “Do you love him back?”

Of course, it would be Hallie to voice out the question that had been running through your head for years. Did you love Jason back? A part of you wanted to say yes. He was your best friend and had been with you through thick and thin.

He had been there through your parents’ death and Mary’s crisis and her death… He was there through all. He was that person you called when everything turned to shit and part of you knew you loved him. Of course, you did. You just…

“You love him but you’re not in love with him,” Hallie said with a soft smile and you huffed a breath, relief mixed with surprise. When did your kid turn that perceptive?

“I guess,” you shrugged, wrapping an arm around her shoulder so you could restart their walk. “I don’t really know why. He’s great, he’s just not…”

“What you want,” Hallie cut in, as usual, reading your mind and you nodded. “But do you know what you want?”

You thought about it for a moment, considering all the men you had been in love through your life. It had been many, especially not since Hallie, but there were two or three that left you wishing it could have turned into something more.

“He has to be good with kids,” you said at last. “And have a good sense of humor. He needs to understand that you and the store are my priority right now and he needs to have his own thing. I don’t like clingy guys.” You mused a little more, bottom lip caught between your teeth. “He needs to be kind, you know? And loving and supportive.”

As you spoke, you could see Hallie’s smile growing, her eyes looked brighter and excited like she was in on a secret that you weren’t, but you decided to let it go for the time being.

“And he needs to know how to cook, because you know I’m hopeless,” you joked, making Hallie laugh. “So if you know anyone like that, please send him my way?”

“Absolutely, Dave!” Hallie said with a quick wink just as you reached the store.

---

Keanu hummed happily as he busied himself with kneading the dough, a big smile on his face at his family was together joking and laughing as they got everything ready for pizza night as per tradition. It was the first since Annie returned from camp so he was determined to make sure she enjoyed it as much as always.

He would never admit it aloud, but ever since she asked for the camp, Keanu had been silently panicking. Annie was the most important person in his life right now and the thought of her growing up and slowly distancing herself, learning to be more and more independent, terrified him.

Keanu knew that he was being irrational. Annie wasn’t a baby anymore. She was a teenager and of course, she needed her independence and he needed to give her that. Help her build her life. And it wasn’t as if he was one of those parents that live for their kids. Yes, Annie was his priority, but he had Arch and his friends and family. He had a life. Which mostly consisted of his work life lately, but it was still a life, right?

Even if he couldn’t remember the last time he went on a real date with someone he really cared about. Maybe it was time to put himself out there again. Keanu wasn’t getting any younger and even if he had more or less gave up on his idea of the perfect little family, he still wanted to have someone in his life. Someone to share things, to love and support and who would do the same for him. Someone who understood Annie’s place in his life as well as Arch’s and how that didn’t mean Keanu would love them any less. Someone to share the wins and losses, someone to be his partner. Someone…

“Ke, I think the dough is good,” Karen called out making him snap out of his musings and look at her.

She was giving him a half-amused, half worried look from where she was cutting up the veggies for the topping. In her eyes, Keanu could see the silent question: was he ok? Did he need to talk about it?

He sighed and surveyed the kitchen. Annie was working on grating the cheese, while her cousin Daisy worked on the sauce. They were talking quietly and laughing like the great friends they were and Keanu smiled.

Even if he didn’t get that partner that he envisioned, he still knew he would be a pretty happy man. He was luckier than most.

“I’m good,” he whispered to Karen, wiping his hand on his apron, so he could pick up the pizza trays and olive oil spray so they could start spreading the dough. She just nodded in reply, her attention turning the two tweens to check their work.

It took longer than usual to get the two pizzas ready for the oven. One completely meat-free for Annie and Daisy and a pepperoni one for himself and Karen. Keanu really admired his daughter's stances on animal cruelty and he knew she wanted to go completely off animal products, but he still couldn’t bring himself to let her. Not yet at least. And it became something they could bond over, cooking together and the least fun bit of cleaning up together too.

“How long until they’re ready?” Annie asked, gathering the topping ingredients to store in the fridge. “I’m starving.”

Keanu checked the timer before turning to Annie to reply just to freeze as she casually popped a piece of pepperoni in her mouth. He glanced at Karen and his sister had the same bewildered expression that he sure was in his own face.

“Annie, what are you doing?” Daisy exclaimed, her tone getting high pitched and Annie stilled, looking at her. “We don’t eat meat!”

Keanu thought Daisy was overreacting a little bit, but the younger girl idolized Annie, following her around like a shadow whenever she came over to spend the summer and mimicking Annie in all possible ways, from her clothes to favorite music genre and lifestyle choices. Daisy had even gone off meat as well and he knew it was more to impress Annie than out of any real belief of her own.

“Right!” Annie said, looking alarmed as she glanced at her cousin. “Well, the camp had such terrible vegetarian options that I have to go back to eating it, but I’m going off again.”

She put the bowl of pepperoni away almost as if it had burned her before flashing a small sheepish smile to everyone in the kitchen. Keanu just shrugged. Sure it was weird because he was pretty sure he remembered something about the vegetarian menu in the camp as a criterion for her choice, but maybe it was just bad?

To him, it wasn’t a big deal. Annie was learning about herself every passing day and she was bound to go through changes. And sure, ever since she came back from camp, those changes seemed more prominent and it almost felt like Keanu was faced with a brand new Annie, but she was his daughter. She would always be his daughter, no matter how many little or big changes she went through.

So he pushed out of his mind, heading off to the back porch with Karen and some wine so they could watch the stars and talk while Daisy and Annie went to her room to do their hairs or something else.

Keanu laid back on one of the porch chairs, keeping a bit of a distance from his sister as he puffed in his cigarette, deep in thought. He could hear Karen shifting in her own seat, her intense gaze, much like his own, set on him.

“So mom is coming over next week,” she said conversationally and Keanu just nodded. He knew it already. “She has news to share.”

“Which usually means she has a new boyfriend,” Keanu sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Hope he’s not a dick like that Richard guy.”

“Me too,” Karen snorted. “How come our mom has a better love life than us?”

“I have no idea,” Keanu replied with a chuckle of his own. “Maybe we should ask for tips or something.”

“Maybe.”

“Or maybe we should accept the fate that we’re gonna die single and alone,” he joked dryly and Karen snorted.

“Aren’t you cheerful person, tonight?” she said, giving him the sideways glance. “Is that what got you so moody? Singlehood?”

“Not moody, just…” he paused, considering his words, but he couldn’t find a way to really describe it. “I’m 55. Maybe it’s time to just let go. Dating, I mean. I have my family and Arch and my friends… that’s enough, right?”

“Ke…” Karen let out a long exhale and once again he could feel her gaze on him, heavy and worried. “You’ve always wanted to get married. Maybe it’s taking a bit longer, but you’re gonna find that right person. I’m sure of it.” She reached over to squeeze his hand. “I bet they’re somewhere out there and when time is right, they’ll come into your life. I do believe in fate, you know?”

“Well, could you tell fate to hurry the fuck up?” Keanu joked with a grin, squeezing Karen’s hand back to let her know he was alright and that she didn’t need to worry about him.

And even if she was wrong. Even if that person never came, Keanu knew he would be alright. He had everything he needed right here.

xxx (tbc) xxx

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[newstfionline]

Thursday, February 25, 2021

COVID-19 cases falling (nearly) everywhere (Foreign Policy) New COVID-19 cases and deaths have dropped worldwide for the sixth consecutive week, according to figures compiled by the World Health Organization. The WHO recorded 2.4 million new cases last week, a drop of 11 percent compared to the previous week. The 66,000 deaths last week represented a 20 percent decline. Five out of the six WHO regions now show a consistent downward trend in new cases, although the trendline in the Eastern Mediterranean region remains flat due to continued case increases in Iran and Iraq.

Not to be sniffed at: Agony of post-COVID-19 loss of smell (AP) The doctor slid a miniature camera into the patient’s right nostril, making her whole nose glow red with its bright miniature light. “Tickles a bit, eh?” he asked as he rummaged around her nasal passages, the discomfort causing tears to well in her eyes and roll down her cheeks. The patient, Gabriella Forgione, wasn’t complaining. The 25-year-old pharmacy worker was happy to be prodded and poked at the hospital in Nice, in southern France, to advance her increasingly pressing quest to recover her sense of smell. Along with her sense of taste, it suddenly vanished when she fell ill with COVID-19 in November, and neither has returned. Being deprived of the pleasures of food and the scents of things that she loves are proving tough on her body and mind. Shorn of odors both good and bad, Forgione is losing weight and self-confidence. “Sometimes I ask myself, ‘Do I stink?’” she confessed. “Normally, I wear perfume and like for things to smell nice. Not being able to smell bothers me greatly.” A year into the coronavirus pandemic, doctors and researchers are still striving to better understand and treat the accompanying epidemic of COVID-19-related anosmia—loss of smell—draining much of the joy of life from an increasing number of sensorially frustrated longer-term sufferers like Forgione.

Biden to order sweeping review of U.S. supply chain weak spots (Washington Post) President Biden on Wednesday will formally order a 100-day government review of potential vulnerabilities in U.S. supply chains for critical items, including computer chips, medical gear, electric-vehicle batteries and specialized minerals. The directive comes as U.S. automakers are grappling with a severe shortage of semiconductors, essential ingredients in the high-tech entertainment and navigation systems that fill modern passenger vehicles. Biden’s executive order, which he is scheduled to sign this afternoon, also is aimed at avoiding a repeat of the shortages of personal protective gear such as masks and gloves experienced last year during the early months of the coronavirus pandemic. The president’s order, which had been anticipated, represents the partial fulfillment of a campaign pledge. But mandating a government study will be the easy part. Extensively modifying U.S. supply lines and reducing the country’s dependence upon foreign suppliers—after decades of globalization—could prove difficult and costly.

U.S. seeks to return to U.N. human rights body (Reuters) The United States will seek election to the U.N. Human Rights Council later this year, U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken said on Wednesday, marking the Biden administration’s latest international re-engagement. Blinken, addressing the council by recorded video, said that President Joseph Biden’s administration would work to eliminate what he called the Geneva forum’s “disproportionate focus” on U.S. ally Israel. The council, set up in 2006, has a stand-alone item on the Palestinian territories on its agenda every session, the only issue with such treatment, which both Democratic and Republican administrations have opposed.

Freedom of speech the real issue in Spain (Washington Post) Thousands of protesters have taken to the streets in some of Spain’s largest cities every night for a week, often clashing with police. In Barcelona on Saturday, authorities said they detained 38 people and recorded injuries among 13. The anger of the young protesters is centered on the arrest of a man who until recently was an obscure figure: Pablo Rivadulla, a rapper better known by his stage name, Pablo Hasél. But the demonstrations are about far more than one man’s arrest, speaking to growing concern inside and out of Spain about the effect of the country’s anti-terrorism laws and lèse-majesté statutes circumscribing the freedom of expression.

Covid inspires 1,200 new German words (The Guardian) From coronamüde (tired of Covid-19) to Coronafrisur (corona hairstyle), a German project is documenting the huge number of new words coined in the last year as the language races to keep up with lives radically changed by the pandemic. The list, compiled by the Leibniz Institute for the German Language, an organisation that documents German language in the past and present, already comprises more than 1,200 new German words—many more than the 200 seen in an average year. It includes feelings many can relate to, such as overzoomed (stressed by too many video calls), Coronaangst (when you have anxiety about the virus) and Impfneid (envy of those who have been vaccinated). Other new words reveal the often strange reality of life under restrictions: Kuschelkontakt (cuddle contact) for the specific person you meet for cuddles and Abstandsbier (distance beer) for when you drink with friends at a safe distance. The words also capture specific moments during the pandemic. For example, Balkonsänger (balcony singer) is someone who sings to people from their balcony, which was popular during the spring lockdown. Hamsteritis, referring to the urge to stockpile food, was also commonly used at the start of the crisis.

China uses patriotism test to sweep aside last outlet for Hong Kong democracy (Washington Post) Serving as a district councilor in Hong Kong means addressing everyday concerns such as pest control, traffic issues and helping elderly residents pay bills. One of the few perks of the modest office is having a say, alongside tycoons and Beijing loyalists, in choosing Hong Kong’s leader. On Tuesday, Hong Kong’s government announced that anyone running for these local positions will need to be a “patriot”—meaning they must swear loyalty not to their constituents but to Beijing and the Communist Party—as China moves to quash the territory’s last avenue of democracy. The changes, which are expected to be introduced to the legislature—where there is no viable opposition—next month and become law soon thereafter, will trigger the expulsion of several young pro-democracy councilors, even if they read the oath as instructed. Disqualified candidates will be barred from running in any elections for five years. With Tuesday’s announcement, the councils, the only fully democratic body in Hong Kong, fall in line with China’s broader reshaping of a city once known for its boisterous political culture as democratically chosen representatives are replaced with Beijing loyalists.

The Mekong River (Nikkei Asia) There are 60 million people who live along the lower Mekong River, and they were in for a rough surprise in early January when China drastically cut the discharge from the Jinghong Dam in Yunnan Province. The “tests”—which were slated to end January 24—entailed cutting the flow of the river from 1,900 cubic meters per second to just 1,000 cubic meters per second, but the final day of tests came and went and the volume is still down. That this occurred in the middle of the dry season was particularly rough for Thailand, Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam, countries that depend on the river. China has begun to draw international ire over their management of the river, which it has built 11 large dams on.

A Digital Firewall in Myanmar (NYT) The Myanmar soldiers descended before dawn on Feb. 1, bearing rifles and wire cutters. At gunpoint, they ordered technicians at telecom operators to switch off the internet. For good measure, the soldiers snipped wires without knowing what they were severing, according to an eyewitness and a person briefed on the events. The data center raids in Yangon and other cities in Myanmar were part of a coordinated strike in which the military seized power, locked up the country’s elected leaders and took most of its internet users offline. Since the coup, the military has repeatedly shut off the internet and cut access to major social media sites, isolating a country that had only in the past few years linked to the outside world. The military regime has also floated legislation that could criminalize the mildest opinions expressed online. So far, the Tatmadaw, as the Myanmar military is known, has depended on cruder forms of control to restrict the flow of information. But the army seems serious about setting up a digital fence to more aggressively filter what people see and do online. Such a comprehensive firewall may also exact a heavy price: The internet outages since the coup have paralyzed a struggling economy. Longer disruptions will damage local business interests and foreign investor confidence as well as the military’s own vast business interests.

Iraq’s struggling Christians hope for boost from pope visit (AP) Nasser Banyameen speaks about his hometown of Qaraqosh in the historical heartland of Iraqi Christianity with nostalgia. Before Islamic State group fighters swept through the Nineveh Plains in northern Iraq. Before the militants shattered his sense of peace. Before panicked relatives and neighbors fled, some never to return. Iraq’s Christian communities in the area were dealt a severe blow when they were scattered by the IS onslaught in 2014, further shrinking the country’s already dwindling Christian population. Many hope their struggle to endure will get a boost from a historic visit by Pope Francis planned in March. Among the places on his itinerary is Qaraqosh, where this week Vatican and Iraqi flags fluttered from light poles, some adorned with the pope’s image. Francis’ visit, his first foreign trip since the coronavirus pandemic and the first ever by a pope to Iraq, is a sign that “You’re not alone,” said Monsignor Segundo Tejado Muñoz, the undersecretary of the Vatican’s development office. “There’s someone who is thinking of you, who is with you. And these signs are so important. So important.”

Syria’s economic woes (NYT) In a private meeting with pro-government journalists, President Bashar al-Assad was asked about Syria’s economic meltdown: the currency collapse that has gutted salaries, the skyrocketing prices for basic goods and the chronic shortages of fuel and bread. “I know,” he said, according to two people with knowledge of the discussion. “I know.” But he offered no concrete steps to stem the crisis beyond floating this idea: Television channels should cancel cooking shows so as not to taunt Syrians with images of unattainable food. As the 10-year anniversary of Syria’s civil war looms, Mr. al-Assad’s most immediate threats are not the rebel factions and foreign powers that still control large swaths of the country. Instead, it is the crushing economic crisis that has hobbled the reconstruction of destroyed cities, impoverished the population and left a growing number of Syrians struggling to get enough food. Food prices have more than doubled in the last year. The World Food Program warned this month that 60 percent of Syrians, or 12.4 million people, were at risk of going hungry, the highest number ever recorded.

The Deadliest Middle East Construction Project Since The Pyramids (The Guardian) On December 2, 2010, FIFA announced that Qatar would host the 2022 World Cup —- a first for a Middle East nation. Over the next ten years, thousands of migrant laborers from India, Pakistan, Nepal, Bangladesh, and Sri Lanka came to Qatar to work on the elaborate preparations for the world’s biggest football tournament. Sadly, during that period at least 6,500 of those workers died, according to an analysis by the Guardian. The findings were compiled from government sources, and mean that an average of 12 migrant workers from the five South Asian nations have died each week since the announcement was made. The total death toll is significantly higher because the figures don’t include deaths from other countries like the Philippines and Kenya that send large numbers of workers to Qatar. Also not included are deaths occurring in the final months of 2020. More deaths have undoubtedly occurred since preparations for the 2022 tournament continue.

The value of housework (Foreign Policy) In a landmark ruling, a Beijing divorce court has ordered a man to pay his wife for five years of unpaid housework during their marriage. The award does not amount to much, roughly $1,100 dollars per year, but marks a new era in Chinese divorce law after the government introduced a new civil code. Under the new code, an aggrieved spouse is entitled to seek compensation if they shouldered more domestic responsibilities—with no prenuptial agreement necessary. The case follows a similar one in Argentina in 2019, when a divorce court ordered a husband to pay his wife of 27 years $179,000 in recognition of her unpaid domestic work. According to Organisation for Economic Co-Operation and Development (OECD) figures, Chinese women spend roughly four hours per day on unpaid work—with their U.S. counterparts clocking in nearly the same amount. American men are closer to closing the gap than Chinese men, however. American men spending about 2.5 hours per day on unpaid labor, while Chinese men spend just 1.6 hours.

[passingthebarexam]

New Post has been published on Bar Exam Mind

New Post has been published on https://www.barexammind.com/dealing-covid-related-bar-exam-delays/

Dealing with COVID-Related Bar Exam Delays

I recently received a comment on a Facebook post referencing my article discussing how the Covid 19 epidemic pandemic might affect the bar exam. The comment asked how to keep a positive mindset in light of the fact that bar exams are being delayed or postponed and the format of the exam itself is being altered.

I thought about it and put together my thoughts in this article. I hope it helps.

If you have ideas that work for you that are not mentioned in this article, please leave a comment. If you disagree with some or even all of the ideas listed below, please comment and offer your suggestions about what you think would be helpful.

Some of the things I say below might sound a little trite given the situations in which some of you now find yourselves. I certainly can’t tell you how to feel and I can’t know how you feel. But, I do know this: 2020 has been by far the strangest year I’ve ever lived through during my several decades on this earth. I’ve been through some more traumatic acute periods of time ranging from a few days to a few weeks in duration, but never something like 2020’s sustained chronic freakishness.

Before we get any further in this article, I want to remind you that I am not a medical doctor, not a psychologist, not a licensed counselor. What follows are all suggestions about things that I think would help. It is advice I would give to a friend or family member who asked me for ideas. If you find yourself in a dark place or are having frightening thoughts, please contact a physician or counselor as soon as you can.

Now, for my suggestions.

Gratitude

You’ve probably heard this one before. It even sounds trite to me, and might even seem a little ridiculous. But this really works.

If you can wake up each morning and think about one or two things from the day before for which you are grateful, it can make a big difference in your outlook on life. If you start the day with was a grateful thought, it will set a positive tone for your day. On the other hand, if the first thing you do is check your news feed and scowl at some politician’s behavior or some terrible events happening in the world, that can start your day with negativity through which you will filter all the events and feelings of the remainder of the day.

Many people keep gratitude journals. They write down one or two things in the morning for which they are grateful. You can purchase many different kinds of gratitude journals (Amazon link (aff.)) or just staple a few sheets of paper together and start writing.

Digital Detox

There are more and more studies showing that too much exposure to digital devices and social media trigger anxiety.  (In children; In young adults; In general.) If you are feeling anxious about the bar exam or anything else and it is starting to overwhelm you, take a break from your phone and the internet. In an ideal world, this would probably be at least one solid day per week. But, if that doesn’t seem like a viable option, try something like this:  stop looking at digital devices after dinner and don’t look at one again until the next day.

Most phones these days have settings that allow you to lock certain apps.  Why not create a setting where you can still send texts and make phone calls, but which locks all other apps for a few hours each day?

Get outside

There are many studies that show time in nature can help enhance your mood. If you’re fortunate enough to live close to hiking trails or a park, take advantage of it. But even if you don’t and you can’t get to such a location, maybe you have a small patch of grass near your residence or in your backyard. If possible, take your shoes off and walk around for a few minutes. Even if the seems kind of ridiculous, it might allow you to remember some happy memories of childhood running around the grass in the summer.

Focus on stability

What things have not changed since the COVID crisis? Are all your family and friends still healthy? Are your house plants still alive? Are you still an intelligent person with the desire to be an attorney?

When the world around us is changing and seemingly out of our control, it can be helpful to look at the things in our lives that have remained stable during the period of change. This can lead us contemplate the world in the future when other things we stable again.

Sleep

People underestimate the power of consistent, solid sleep. Law students and lawyers live in a subculture where sleep is viewed as weakness. But, people who are well-rested generally are able to see the world more clearly and have less anxiety and depression.

So, if you are sleeping less than seven or eight hours per night, try sleeping more for a week and see how you feel.

Allow yourself to be afraid

Don’t squash fear or try to cover it up with denial or foreign substances (e.g., alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, etc.). You are afraid. Admit this world is crazy right now. Admit that you’re not quite sure what’s going happen with the bar exam.

I read about how in Florida they postponed the bar exam just a few days before was scheduled to start! (Florida bar postponed.) It would be terrible to think that something like this could happen again, but if that’s the fear you have, allow yourself to feel it.

Writing your fears down may help. Unlike a  gratitude journal where you might want to go back and look through it in order to remind yourself of what you’re grateful for, the fear journal can be something in which you write down what you are afraid of and then tear out the page and throw it away. This, to me, is not a form of suppressing fear, but of acknowledging it.  You are saying, “I know you exist. I know I’m afraid of you. But, you can’t stop me.”

Remind yourself of earlier chaos

If you graduated from law school and are preparing for the bar exam, then you’re probably at least in your early 20s. Many of you will be a few or even many years older. For most people, if they’ve lived to your early 20s, you’ve experienced at least a handful of chaotic, uncertain situations.

But you got through them. You made it to law school and graduated. Remind yourself of the chaos you’ve survived.

The bar exam situation this year is chaotic. It is unknown. What if there is an uptick in COVID cases and it needs to be postponed again? What if there’s a technical issue that makes a planned online bar exam not work?

I realize it is easier said than done, but sometimes you just have to roll with the punches. Or, a metaphor I prefer, be like water and follow the available path.

Consider your study schedule

If you are someone who has been studying for the bar exam expecting it to be on a particular day and then it gets moved to a date several weeks or months away, you need to reassess how to spend those extras weeks. This will vary for each individual.

If you’re having financial concerns, try to find a way to make a little money for a few weeks. If you’ve been studying conscientiously expecting the bar exam to occur on DAY 0, but the bar exam has been pushed to DAY 150, you can probably stop studying for an extended period of time before restarting your studies closer to the new bar exam date. This will give your brain a break and help you focus on other issues.

Even if finances are not a problem for you, taking a break from studies, if that’s feasible, is probably a good thing. As someone who took two bar exams, I can tell you that studying for the second bar exam was much easier. While it wasn’t a cakewalk by any means, I had set aside over two months to study for the second exam, but in retrospect I probably could have done it in four weeks.

The reason I’m saying this is that if you’ve studied for two months and now you have another two month gap before the rescheduled exam, why not try something you’ve never done before to take your mind off the chaos? If you’ve thought about being an author, write a story or book. If you’ve thought about starting a business that can be started quickly, why not give it a go?

Conclusion

I hope this article helped you at least a little bit. I realize that the future of your legal career must seem unclear. Although I never had to go through a situation like this when I took the bar exam, I have gone through situations in my life where I thought the prospects for a positive outcome in the long-term were bleak. But, as the months and years passed, the outcome was actually pretty good.

So, although it may be difficult for you, try to stay positive. When you feel the negativity getting too much, use one of the techniques above.

  P.S. -- Want a FREE copy of my Bar Exam Mind audiobook?

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