November 2, 2020 -- Sick with KDrama fever
Been watching Kdramas since last month and it made me think about a lot of things.
I think that destiny must be true. I think that there must be someone out there who is the one for me. I recalled two women saying "i knew sya na" before they got happily married with their husbands and I thought they must be right. This all came to me after watching CLOY. There must be someone out there who will complete me and who I will complete. And I also realized that whoever and wherever that person is, the universe will find a way to bring us two together. I used to not believe in this. I used to say that whoever I will get to be with, we will work if we make it work. But I've realized that there are things you really can't change, there are things you can't work out, and if so then it must be that you're not with the right person. This is why couples break up and never get back together and why some marriages don't work. And maybe some people don't put in the effort to make it work because they know subconsciously that the person is not the one for them.
I thought about this a lot. How can there be one and only one person out there for me? I think that it's because we're all so complex, that if we are to be labeled we'd be looooooong strings of numbers and there's only one other string of numbers that will complement ours (because if there are several then those strings of numbers will be the same which violates the assumption that every human being is unique).
I also think that if you truly love someone you will do absolutely anything, anything for that person to be bappy. I ended up crying when I have realized that I do have someone who truly loves me, my mom, and I cried more after realizing that there's someone that I will do everything for, my brother. :')
But this also made me ask, does true love come to you or is it a choice? If it's a choice then what is destiny? Is it merely a product of our choices?
Iiiii don't even know where I'm going with this now. I started writing this a couple of days back and ngayon ko lang nabalikan. 😅
Anyway... That's what kdrama has done to me so far. Made me believe again in things I didn't believe anymore. Aaaand, also,
I've been imagining what things I will do when Angelique and I can go to South Korea. I haven't seen a lot of travel vlogs in Korea but I've been watching one Korean show for 3 years now and I've watched several kdramas. I have these ideas in my head where we shall stay in a normal Korean house or even a traditional one where people sit on the floor and eat on a small table with several side dishes prepared (I hope Angelique's not so picky with food by then!). We won't check in in a hotel. And then we'll go grocery shopping in the supermarket and the wet market! I always see their markets full of fresh seafoods even in the cities, so unlike in Metro Manila! That really gets me excited coz I love seafood. 🤤 Also excited to experience the different seasons.
One more thing is I started studying 한���어 again. Kdrama OSTs are sooooo good, I feel like I get what the songs mean just by listening to the music and how the singer sings the lyrics even though I don't understand them. I could've settled with that but my ambitious self wants to properly sing the lyrics as well, as in with the proper feelings, not the techniques coz I don't know any techniques I just know how to sing but I'm not a good singer. 😂 That's why I started studying the Korean language again, after sooooo many years. I think it's almost been a decade since I last studied Korean. And I studied it before because of KPop. It's really amazing how music can bring people together, right? When I have learned enough words and can have conversations, I can finally talk with Koreans in their own language. I hope that day really comes. I'm on the lesson about verb conjugations already.
If anyone will ever come across this and had the patience to read it till the end, I'm open for kdrama suggestions! I've watched CLOY, DOTS, Vagabond, When The Camellia Blooms, Guardian: The Lonely and the Great God aka Goblin and The King: Eternal Monarch and Black (which I watched 3 years ago 😆). I've been thinking on doing reviews on those dramas but I have a lot of school stuff to do. 😭 Been enjoying romcoms a lot, but I've always been a fan of action and anything that's exciting, fantasy, scifi, anything just no scary-looking creatures. 😅 CLOY is so far my #1 but I loved all the other dramas I've watched. Can't wait for season 2 of Vagabond!!! 🤞 I'm currently on episode 3 of Legend of the Blue Sea. Decided to watch it after falling in love with Lee Minho's charms in Eternal Monarch. 😩 I've also watched the first episode of Suspicious Partner already and it seemed pretty good and really funny 😂 but I have to choose one drama to focus on. 😆
That's it for now. I was imagining this post to be melodramatic but I ended up being so cheerfully talkative. I hope you have a wonderful day, whoever is reading this. Stay safe!
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Cadence Update - CH 14
I’m too excited to post these chapters. I should probably slow down a bit. But with everything going on in life nowadays, the Cadence train is keeping me sane. So please, Enjoy this update :)
Catch up on the story here!
In which Vergil gets used to his new home and makes another deal with Roxy.
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A heartbeat without harmony
Is moonlight without dark
The heart seeketh equilibrium
With balance will your worry part.
“Equilibrium” - Final Fantasy 14 OST
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When Vergil woke up alone for the first time three days later, it took him far too long to get used to the silence. Nero and Nico had stayed until the night before, split between Vergil and Roxy’s apartments until the boat to Fortuna returned. Vergil had offered to open a portal for them and hadn’t realized until after Nero nearly punched him that it had sounded more like he was trying to get rid of them. Thankfully, Dante had understood (“cool it, kiddo. He’s just trying to help”), and Nero had apologized. Except both were left perplexed when they both apologized at the exact same time, something that had taken Vergil an embarrassing amount of courage to do.
But Vergil hadn’t missed the hint of approval in his son’s eyes, and the last two days were the best they’d been since Vergil had come back. They still didn’t talk all that much (unsurprising), but they also didn’t fight. Dante got called away after the electricity went out (odd considering Vergil had paid the bill himself two weeks ago). Nico stayed with Roxy to give Vergil time to adjust to this new life of his, and Nero hovered close to him as if not quite sure what he was trying to do.
And just before the two hunters left, Nero had looked relieved, more so than Vergil had seen in a long time. “You’re doing better than I thought,” Nero said as he brushed his fingers through his hair (most certainly a nervous tick, Vergil decided) “just don’t forget to visit once and awhile.”
And that had meant more to Vergil than anything else Nero had said that weekend.
Now, Vergil was alone (not counting the woman who he was certain was already awake down the hallway), and he didn’t know what to think of it. Had he truly gotten so used to Dante’s incessant presence that he felt strange without it? Vergil assumed he would get used to it over time, but he hadn’t expected it.
The apartment was more than adequate, so moving in had been simple. The layout was the same as Roxy’s, only flipped as it was on the opposite side of the building. She had taken great care on the decorations, having chosen a mixture of blues and golds for the furniture including the intricately woven rug filled with whimsical, golden stars. The paint on the walls was the same, but the artwork was different; less fantasy creatures and more landscapes. He had two couches instead of one, with a coffee table between them. There was also no television, something he’d been surprised by, as he’d only mentioned his annoyance with them in passing. Instead, the far wall was covered with two, dark, mahogany bookcases with a generous amount of books. And while those were impressive enough, Vergil had quickly found the gift card with a note- “$500, get whatever you need =)” - and hadn’t bothered trying to give it back. Roxy never accepted returned gifts, but Vergil had yet to find out how or why she was so frivolous with her money.
But there would be plenty of time for that.
For the moment, Vergil stared at a water-colored, sunset landscape that was suspiciously similar to the bookmark she’d given Vergil eons ago. His bedroom was more empty than hers, but he didn’t mind it. The bed was far bigger than the one in Devil May Cry, and he had yet to figure out how she found a queen-sized bed long enough that he didn’t have to curl up into an awkward ball to lie down like a normal person.
Not that he did that often. Of course. What a waste of time that would be.
His mind did drift, however, to the single room she’d left empty; the studio. Apparently Roxy’s apartment had not been the only one to receive such an upgrade, though he had a feeling the ones on the other floors probably weren’t so lucky. She’d left a note on that door too; “Let me know what you want”. But Vergil hadn’t known what he wanted to do with it. The space was almost menacing in a way. He didn’t want to waste it frivolously, but he also didn’t know what he would use such a thing for. For now, he’d bought a single desk, a chair tall enough for him, and a decently priced laptop that spent more time in Roxy’s apartment than his own. It would do for now, until Vergil figured out what exactly he wanted out of it.
The only downside to the entire set up was Aki, as the little owl-griffon seemed oddly fascinated with Vergil’s presence. He’d caught the demon prowling around his living space no less than four times. Now, Vergil smelled the creature everywhere, even though the scent was nothing compared to Kuro’s down the hall. Roxy had apologized profusely twice now, chastising the demon, but Vergil knew from experience that cats rarely cared what their owners had to say. And, knowing Aki was far too intrigued to listen to her, Vergil let it go, and the familiar slipped between the walls as he pleased. Vergil couldn’t help but imagine Shadow doing the exact same thing. She would be stalking his new partner, waiting to decide if Roxy was trustworthy or not.
Besides, since the familiar had started visiting, Vergil’s sleep had been oddly better. He couldn’t imagine why, as neither Aki’s nor Kuro’s presence felt particularly soothing. Roxy herself had left him alone since the move, letting him seek her out instead. But, so far at least, Vergil had actually been able to rest for the first time in what felt like decades.
For all he knew, it had been.
It was 7 am when the music started; a quiet, harmonious chorus of female voices with a subtle beat of drums and an accompanying violin. Vergil had heard it a few times now, as Roxy listened to music before going to sleep, but he hadn’t focused on it for longer than a few seconds. And now that he was, he was intrigued enough to skip breakfast (a formality, really), grab his coat, and wander over to her apartment.
He found Roxy in her studio with Kuro sleeping on a cleaned off part of the desk. Aki was on the floor, chirping a string of excited noises. Roxy responded in a few short “yes” and “no’s”, but clearly wasn’t paying much attention. Instead, she stared at the blank canvas before her, occasionally glancing down at the unopened bottles of paint on a table beside her, courtesy of Vergil’s little errand a month prior. He almost knocked on the door but thought better of it. He was certain Aki had seen him, and startling Roxy now would likely cause an expensive catastrophe.
As the song shifted to the first verse, Roxy began to sway. It was subtle, and Vergil was fairly certain she had no idea she was doing it. The voice that followed was that of another woman, her pitch a few octaves higher than normal.
The sigh of a shifting sea
The kiss of a salt sweet breeze,
The white of a silken dress
Stained in red.
Vergil’s head tilted as he tried to discern the song’s meaning. Another pastime of his, though Dante’s taste in music was pretty bland. Roxy’s, however, was much more pleasing, and dwelling on the lyrics was actually thought-provoking.
A memory fading fast
Her mother sits, eyes downcast
A torn uniform in hand
Farewells unsaid.
“The song is actually quite sad when you think about it,” Roxy said without looking at him. “Her mother, consumed by grief at the loss of her husband, abuses her daughter who prays to the goddess Sophia for help.”
“And?”
“The goddess demands equilibrium,” Roxy said as the lyrics continued.
So still this broken melody
And therewith shoulder thee
One last step only leaving
An empty hearth down by the sea
“The daughter kills her mother,” Vergil said.
“And then herself,” Roxy said, her voice quiet. “And thus, equilibrium is maintained.” Aki gave a quiet chirp, and Roxy nodded. “A client sent this song along with a bunch of reference material. Apparently this goddess comes from a video game of some sort. He called it a ‘primal’.”
“Primal?”
She nodded. “Apparently, these creatures can be summoned with energy and fervent prayers. Collect enough power in one place and boom,” She waved one hand in the air in a dramatic arc. “You’ve got yourself a primal.” She sighed as she crossed her arms again. “So he wants a painting of this one for his girlfriend.”
“Sounds simple enough,” Vergil said.
“In theory,” Roxy agreed. “But he’s giving me free rein. The only thing he asked is that I don’t just draw her and call it a day.”
“Do you have a plan?”
Roxy sighed. “Not yet. I was hoping listening to the song in here would inspire something but…” She frowned as she looked back at the canvas. “I said I’d send him some sketches tomorrow before I committed to the canvas.”
“He doesn’t want a digital copy?”
“Local client,” She said. “They usually ask for canvas work. The sketches will be on my tablet though.” She shifted to the desk and gently eased a black screen out from under Kuro’s belly. The dragon huffed but otherwise didn’t stir. “If you want,” Roxy said with an excited grin. “I can show you my process and whatnot if that’s something that interests you.”
Vergil nodded. “Only if you’re feeling well.”
She chuckled nervously. “I may need a few demons.”
“A few?”
“I haven’t absorbed anything in a few days,” She said defensively. “ I didn’t exactly have the time to slip away.”
“You should have said something.”
She snorted. “I don’t think I could have,” She said as she shook her head. “Your family is… something else.”
“Indeed.”
“I don’t know how you handle them on a daily basis.”
A pause. “I don’t.”
Her laughter was more pleasing than the song that had all but faded to the background. “I guess I’m not surprised,” She said as Aki hopped onto her shoulder. “If I’m honest, you do seem to be very different from them.” She paused, then quickly said. “Not in a bad way! They’re just…”
“Loud?” Vergil said. “Controlling?”
She snorted again. “I’d imagine you’d be quite good at controlling people.”
Vergil didn’t know why he smirked at that. “How so?”
He wasn’t surprised when her face flushed a far deeper shade of crimson than usual. “I just get… that feeling… I suppose…” She mumbled as she quickly averted her gaze. “You know?”
“Afraid I don’t.”
“Oh hush.” She waved him off as her smile returned. “Aki found some demons nearby if you want to join me. Or you can make coffee or breakfast or go read or…”
“Isn’t the point of this arrangement that I go with you?”
Roxy’s eyelids fluttered. Her heart skipped a beat. Alarm swept through Vergil when her pupils shifted to Kuro’s ice-blue hue. He was by her side in an instant, hand hovering inches from her arm. Part of him wanted to reach out and catch her preemptively. The other half of him pulled away, the sheer thought of touching her…
Except… he wanted to.
Why?
His fingers brushed her back when she stumbled. Her hand shot out, reaching for something. Vergil took it without thinking and forced himself to keep hold. Her skin was so… warm. So different from the frozen Roxy he’d seen forever ago. And her hands were so soft and supple… so much different than his own
“Whoa,” She said. “That was… weird.”
Her hand slipped from his grasp, and he ignored the empty feeling in his chest. “What happened?” Vergil said as he took a small step back.
She blinked slowly before she looked at him. “I… don’t know. I just… blanked.” She shook her head. “Kuro…”
“I saw,” The dragon said “But I cannot explain it any better than you.”
“Maybe I’m just tired,”
“You need to hunt,” Vergil said.
“Probably that too.” She agreed. “Are you okay?”
“What do you mean?”
She hesitated, and took a deep breath before speaking again. “I know its… hard to touch me.”
With the way she said it, Vergil wasn’t certain if she was talking about his aversion to touch, or her own. He tried to split his answer somewhere down the middle: as diplomatic and truthful as he could manage. “I believe it is something we’ll both have to get used to.”
Slowly, she nodded. “I used to hate it,” She said quietly. “After the accident, at least. Between the doctors and the nurses and my father and my former friends… Everyone insisted on helping me. Very few actually did.” Her eyes drifted closed, but her heartbeat remained the same. “I started to loathe the feeling of… well anyone really.” She chuckled, but it was hollow. “Kind of ironic how much I miss it now.”
Vergil was silent, unable to speak through the war inside his mind. What could he say? How did he respond to such an honest admission? A normal person would respond in kind, but he wasn’t ready to do that. He wasn’t ready to admit that he hadn’t felt another’s touch in years. Decades. Even hugging his brother felt foreign. All he could remember was pain. Suffering. Pure torment.
But the last thing he wanted was for her to think he wasn’t listening. Or to retreat into the same shell that he often made for himself. So, just as her expression shifted to uncertainty, Vergil said, “I have the opposite problem, it seems.”
“You… don’t miss it?”
He paused, pondering before he spoke again. “I don’t know,” He said finally. “I…”
“It’s okay,” She said. “If you don’t…”
“I spent a very long time alone.”
A moment of silence passed between them, and he swore he saw a hint of understanding in her eyes. “By choice?” She said.
What kind of question was that? How could she have possibly guessed what was going on in his head? Or maybe she was just shooting in the dark, trying to understand him as much as he seemingly wanted to understand her. And what good would it do to ignore such a question?
“No,” He said. “But I have made plenty of mistakes.”
“Not enough to deserve something like that.”
You don’t know me was his first thought, but it died before reaching his lips. A part of him felt that she was irrevocably wrong. He did deserve those years of torment. He’d thrown himself into hell with reckless abandon. He’d left behind a son without considering that one might even have existed. Then the Qliphoth… and everything in between.
But another part of him wanted to believe that she was right. He wanted to hold onto that hope that he was better than the sum of his failures. That he didn’t deserve the pain which so many others thought he did.
But it was difficult… more so than he thought it should have been.
“Maybe,” Roxy said slowly. “We could help each other.”
“What?”
She flinched before Vergil realized how hostile that sounded. “I’m not suggesting anything crazy,” She said before muttering a “lord knows I’m not ready for that.” But before Vergil could ask what she meant, she held her hand out. “I mean with simple, everyday things. Like handshakes.”
Vergil was seconds from refuting her, until he realized the only hand he’d shaken recently was… no one’s. Not Morrison after Dante had introduced them. Not Kyrie or Nico or anyone else he’d met over the last six months. Not even hers (on purpose, anyway). He’d avoided it without thinking, relying on his brusque personality to keep people away. He never imagined this hesitation was the real reason why.
“One thing at a time,” She said as her smile finally returned.
Slowly, he took her hand with a nod. “One thing at a time.”
Ko-fi – Master List – AO3
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