#THATS TWO YEARS LESS THAN MY ENTIRE LIFETIME

[frmulcahy]

How did that little article not disintegrate after two decades of being crumpled in Roy’s wallet

[junicai]

Relationship with SuperM

➣ BAEKHYUN ☾ baekaria

before being thrown into a supergroup together, aria and baekhyun hadn’t really spoken 

they’d seen each other around the building, and aria was an avid supporter of exo so of course she knew who he was but she wasn’t expecting him to know who she was 

so when aria walked into the practice room and was greeted by baekhyun waving her over and calling her name

sue her if she was a little stunned 

their relationship was a little stilted at the beginning

between the age gap, and baekhyun not having a girl member in a group before, it took a few weeks for the two of them to figure out their dynamic and where they fit around each other 

eventually though

they settled into a pretty comfortable situation

baekhyun tries to put her at ease as much as possible 

there is 8 years in the difference, but you’d swear that its less than half 

although he’s playful and generous with the teasing like he is to other members 

he’s careful to avoid certain topics when it comes to aria, just out of respect for her and not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable

this came to fruition after kai unknowingly made a small comment on how aria “must have been hungry”, considering how fast she was eating

baekhyun knew he didn’t mean anything by it, but he watched aria slowly put down her chopsticks and reach for the bottle of water beside her instead

he didn’t see her eat for the rest of the evening

did kai get in trouble? no but he did get hit lightly over the head

when aria does something cool - like a spin or a trick - baekhyun is the first to say “that’s my child. i raised her, look how well i taught her” 

ten: “heY-”

tldr: although they’re not the closest, aria’s slowly grown more comfortable around him, and he’s looking out for her all the time 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

200829 Knowing Brothers: when baekhyun brought up the members of superm all showering together to get closer quickly, heechul quickly pounced on aria - the girl slowly moving to put her head in her hands. 

“and where was aria during all of this? don’t tell me you brought her to?”

baekhyun: “well of course we did-” 

aria: “NO I STAYED OUTSIDE HE’S A LIAR DON’T LISTEN TO HIM!”

*cue baekhyun laughing his ass off*

➣ TAEMIN ☾ arimin

aria thought she was going to die

there was absolutely no plausible reason that she should be in a group with The Taemin

he was highkey the reason why she had even accepted her position in sm at the very beginning of her training

this man convinced a fifteen year old to give up the sport she’d been doing her entire life 

his impact  (*¯ ³¯*)♡

please stand by while aria tosses herself off a bridge

she was So Formal at the beginning

he honestly was the member she took the longest time to warm up to - because she had idolized him for so long

will still refer to him as taemin-ssi occasionally, but now its less a formality and more of a tease

this boy was shook when he found out how young aria was - mark and lucas he can deal with because at least they’re 1999, but aria....

“2000??? 2000?” 

he said :O

despite their rocky start, they’re quite comfortable around each other, especially after spending a few nights rooming together over the tour

does aria still look for his validation in a lot of her work? yes, but she’s more open about asking for it now then she would have been 

taemin definitely doesn’t have a favourite kid and it’s definitely not aria no why would you think that

aria really out here collecting parents like pokémon 

gotta catch em all~

he looks out for her a lot during their schedules, mainly because he knows what its like to be the youngest in a group and how it can feel a little like you don’t really have a place there

so he always makes sure to include her where possible 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

sitting in a circle in a waiting room while mark toy-ed around with the guitar in his lap, aria sat curled in the corner, humming lightly to herself as taemin sang softly along with mark playing “view”.

quietly, she began to sing soft backing harmonies along with taemin, her eyes still attached to her phone in her hands.

when she felt the device being tugged out of her hands and her being pulled upright by another hand on her arm, she looked up to see taemin smiling brightly, still singing 

cue the impromptu concert of a lifetime: with god tier vocals

➣ KAI ☾ kairia

so, they met

and kai just kinda went: mine.

and that was that really 

its like a puppy refusing to give up its favourite chew toy 

“nooo but its my turn to room with aria :(”

never really did the whole awkward, getting to know each other phase? 

not that aria had any real say in it

but jongin point blank refused to engage in small talk with her

so they ended up spending their nights on the superm tour talking about stuff ranging from why the sky is blue to why aria stopped ice skating

she started crying and he did not handle it well, bless him

although he’s super chill and fun to be around

he’s also the only non-nct member that seriously scolds her 

when he found her in a practice room lying on the ground (she was Resting, thank you very much) at three in the morning, he dragged her out without a word and brought her back to her dorms in silence 

aria knew he was mad at her, but she thought it was because he had to borderline carry her four blocks down to the nct dorms 

“no you idiot, im angry because you thought that instead of coming to one of us for help with the bits you’re struggling with, you figured hey. let’s pass out instead.” 

he’s so affectionate with her

you know how lucas and kai have Intense Brothers Energy

well aria has that, little sister vibe that makes kai want to wrap her in a blanket and carry her everywhere

she’d hate that, if he tried that she’d scream (he did try that, this is coming from past experience)

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

kai chucking aria like a cannon ball into the pool during the filming of mtopia when she refused his hugs.

“oppa, oppa no im sorry ill give you all the hugs you want, oppa, JONGIN-OPPA NO NO NO NO -”

*sploosh*

➣ TAEYONG ☾ ariyong

taeyong took one look at aria the first time she showed up for group practice and immediately adopted her (not literally but he would if he could)

eomma meets highly protective brother meets life coach type beat?

so so soft for her its sickening 

says he doesn’t have favourites and will then spend an hour cooking for aria because she’s been in the studio the whole day and he knows she hasn’t eaten yet

when aria was given a duet to do for the sm stages, she had to pick another member to do it with and her first choice was taeyong 

she always has said that taeyong is one of the pillars keeping her upright and sane - without him she wasn’t sure if she would have been able to complete her training 

because of all the schedules they share together, if aria isn’t rooming with mark then she’s definitely rooming with taeyong

whenever she does his makeup (more often than you’d think) she point blank refuses to cover his scar, even when he asks her to do so

“please? i don’t like it.” “*gasp* how dare you.”

sleepy aria! snuggling into taeyong’s shoulder when a schedule ran late!

he gets uncomfy when the stylists put her in too revealing clothes, and has spoken to them on numerous occasions about dressing her in age-appropriate attire, no matter how “sexy” the concept might be

he keeps little bags of sugar-dusted strawberry sweets in his bag incase she forgets to eat and feels faint after the last time (they used to be blueberry flavoured but he heard donghyuck throwing out any and all “blueberry-contaminated” food one evening)

taeyong doesn’t tolerate hate towards aria, especially in person, so he always makes sure to sit down the line from her so that he can see when people skip her intentionally 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

taeyong had just been awarded the single bedroom on the last night of the mtopia series, and was staring off into the corner looking rather uncomfortable. aria, who was meant to be rooming with baekhyun, looked over and saw his mouth curled downwards slightly. 

“baekhyun-oppa, is it ok if i room with taeyongie-oppa tonight? i ran out of my tablets, and he has some in his bag..”

baekhyun looked down at her with a small smile and agreed, while the edited captions on the video appeared with the words, “a cute maknae asking to room with a younger member..”

➣ TEN ☾ tenaria

Whipped™

so so gone for her its upsetting actually

yangyang and aria share the position of his baby

except aria willingly accepts the title while yangyang would rather fling himself from a rooftop

ten’s instagram is half his cats, half miyazu aria

he posts her dancing practice on his story a lot, with a variety of captions ranging from “thats my baby  ♡( ◡‿◡ )” to “yah that’s not right…(눈_눈)”

such an enabler for her bad ideas

aria wants to go shopping at 4am? ten agrees, now they’re sitting by han river eating ice cream

pls he’s gonna get her in so much trouble one day

when they walk together, ten likes to take her hand and put it in his pocket

its under the pretense of not wanting her to get lost

he just wants to hold her hand

yes he has lost her in a shopping mall, and NO it wasn’t his fault

ten always complains that they never have schedules together and he misses his baby

“we have superm-” “I NEVER SEE YOUUUU (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ”

if they’re in the same room ten is either watching her out of the corner of his eye, or is actually wrapped around her like a boa constrictor

hugs n kithes all around

only he is allowed make fun of her mistakes in dancing

anyone else gets deaded. he will fight for her honor how dare you insult his baby

sm give these ttwo a dancing duo video pls

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

the first and only time aria and ten had a duet was during their last concert on superm’s first world tour. during the second half of ten’s solo performance, aria emerged from the left side of the stage, coming to join him in the centre stage. no one had ever seen aria as serious as she was then, both herself and ten becoming completely different people in the moment. midway through, aria spun with her back to ten and leaped backwards into the air - eyes closed - completely trusting ten to be where she needed him to be to catch her.

➣ LUCAS ☾ arihei

besties

please they’re so cute together - tol child next to tini child she barely comes up to his chest :(

bear hugs

he just swamps her in his arms, and when he doesn’t feel like being bent over he picks her up

complains that she’s too heavy but then immediately after will throw her around like a softball

someone tell this man to be careful with her she’s not a barbie doll

singular braincell energy

don’t get it wrong, they’re both super smart

so it’s just - being smort together, but then nearly dying because neither of them remembered that you couldn’t eat raw cookie dough when there are eggs in it

she adores how he’s so confident in the things that he does - like convincing the entire nct fandom that he was fluent in english? king behaviour

so aria looks up to him (literally) but also because she wants to have that confidence some day

lucas says they’re not close and then aria pouts and he takes it all back

nczennies made a 14 minute compilation titled “lucas melting like a popsicle in australia for aria”

and literally what the title tells you, this man goes :(( when he sees her

lucas was actually the person to convince her to go ahead with the [redacted] proposal - and reminded her that it was too good an opportunity to pass up just because she felt like she was outgrowing the boys

he’s so proud of her

and she’s so proud of him

they’re so proud of each other and it makes nczennies want to cry because they never are seen together

sm stop separating the platonic soulmates first markhyuck and now arihei smh

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

during a photoshoot, aria was standing off to the side of the boys, dressed in white suit to contrast the boys’ black ones. the photographer was calling out to her to get her to move closer, but she couldn’t hear him from so far away, and so lucas (who was on the end) just walked over to her, gripped her by the biceps and lifted her vertically and to the left a little bit. 

“luc-LUCAS?”

“you had to move :)”

➣ MARK ☾ mari

½ of the best friend crew

honestly at the beginning, mark and aria weren’t very close, having only really seen each other in passing or with johnny

but after being dropped into training together the two quickly became fast friends, and now they’re borderline inseparable

you thought you knew pain? watch aria’s reaction to mark’s graduation from dream :)

mark’s the reason why aria felt confident enough to pitch some of her lyric ideas to the team, after staying up until 4am to help her make some edits so she was as confident as possible

kinda just, rests his head on her shoulder? and wraps his arms around her waist when he’s tired

mari being confused in foreigner: ???

aria said once in a vlive that she finds mark really comforting to be around - when she feels stressed or worried about something she’ll go to mark’s room and just sit on his bed for a while

aria is so close with his parents - “ahh, how’s my favourite child” “i’m doing great mom.” “no not you, how’s aria?” “wh-hu-MOM?”

you’d swear sometimes mark is younger than her, considering the pout he puts on and how much he whines when they’re not on the same team together for promotions

mark big protecc boi but also little small cuddly boi

they’re so soft for each other ( ╥ω╥ )

in one of the fancams for mark’s solo stage during superm, someone zoomed into aria singing along with him in the wings and dancing to herself with the Proudest Smile™

he’s! so! proud! of! her! constantly! she could be walking and he’d be like “omg get it”

when aria refuses to get up and make herself food (this happens way too often, she just gets into the groove of her work and doesn’t want to move) mark gets her to by threatening to do it himself

consistently caught by czennies just standing behind her and holding her hand in crowded areas - airports, waiting rooms, etc.

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

mark and aria were standing off to one side as the mc explained the rules of the game they were about to be playing. mark looked totally confused, and elbowed aria in her side before looking down and mouthing “what?” to her. aria opened her mouth, before closing it and looking down at the ground, muttering to herself, “결합… 結合….. le chéile…. le… le.. oh oh - combined! we have to put them together, markie.”

and thus, a new confusion meme was born

[m318x2]

does anyone else just. not really grieve? like ive had exactly two deaths in my life that actually made me cry at all and those were both pet deaths, but besides those ive had a lot more pet deaths that i felt next to nothing over even though i loved the pets. just like, oh man. damn that sucks. oh well guess its one less thing for me to worry about now. i think i cried maybe once over my great grandma who passed when i was like 5, not right after though. it was like a year later when i was playing with this little wind up merry go round she left me and my sibling and idk i just started crying thinking that i miss her. weird because i hardly even remember her, i remember her apartment more than her. and we werent really close. and i found out years later she was a tad racist. but i mean, she was white and ancient so, connect the dots i guess. but i mean thats still fucked up and not an excuse, she was around the same generation as betty white and betty white was doing ok. rip.

idk its not even like im happy that people/pets die or that i dont care about them its just like, i cant seem to conjur up these big dramatic sad feelings around death. like with those pet deaths it was just one solid cry and then i was ok, and one of those was bc i was really young and it was my first pet gerbil that i found dead hunched over his food bowl shortly after his mate, my siblings gerbil, had died. and the other one was my first family dog that we had since i was in kindergarten and we had to euthanize her bc she had horrible arthritis and kidney stones/kidney failure and was so old and in so much pain. but those were the only two that really got me and it wasnt a long process? like i was sad for a day or two and then was fine.

like i cant tell if im just repressing grief now because 90% of the time ive just been like. not bothered at all. i felt nothing at my grandpas funeral. i mean i was never close with him, he had a brain aneurysm before i was born that gave him brain damage and made him kind of a grump for the last portion of his life. like of course i didnt cry, but it was really like. i didnt feel ANYTHING about his death. i actually had to cover my mouth to keep from fucking LAUGHING during his funeral because this guy was singing that cheesy jesus song thats like "i can only imagine what heaven is like" and it was beautiful and sentimental but MY GOD the guy just. he went so balls deep in this performance that i could not believe he was doing it unironically. and also during the entire service i was sitting in front of this guy who has fucking LUNG CANCER and he was just coughing non stop and for some reason that made me have to try even harder not to laugh, AND on top of all that my grandma (wife to my late grandpa) had a massive bloody nose right before the service and had two tissues shoved up her nostrils the entire time. so. yeah i'm the devil

yknow i think maybe its just because i think about death so much. whenever i get a new pet i google the life span of the animal and keep track of how long i have left with them before they die so im usually very mentally prepared when it happens. and with people, i mean i think about my parents dying all the time because i know if i dont kms first they'll probably die in my lifetime. so maybe that mental preparation will help. god i hope so, i love my parents.

maybe its also that i havent had a human that was like really, really close to me die. that would probably crush me.

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Sweet Pea//still, i find you

Request: Can I make request for Sweet Pea from Riverdale with the song "next to me" by Imagine Dragons, please?

hey! i had a few ideas for how to write this but in the end i settled on this one! i hope you like it!! also, i watched the music video for this, and the difference between the song and the video...yikes. have a great day/night! 

The first time the thought of marriage plants itself in Sweet Pea’s head, it hits him like a truck. It comes out of nowhere and he needs a few seconds to recover from it. Marriage has never been something that Sweet Pea has ever really thought of. On the Southside you don’t see much of it, at least not happy ones, and so its never been something he’s given much thought to. 

But there’s something about the way that you walk into the living room of your trailer, its a mundane task, something he see’s you do every single day, but for some reason its different today. You look at him casually, picking your bag and jacket up ahead of your shift at Pop’s. The two of you graduated a few years ago, but decided for now to stay in Riverdale. You want to be at least a little more financially stable before you decide what you actually want to do with your lives. So both of you took jobs at Pop’s, its simple, but stable.

“What?” Your eyebrow quirks and he quickly looks away, a blush creeping its way up his neck. 

“Nothing.” He mumbles, pulling his phone out of his pocket and pretending to check it. You stand up straighter, a hand resting on your hip as you stare at him. It takes him a few minutes but eventually he looks back in your direction and you narrow your eyes at him. There’s a playful smile on your lips but it still doesn’t make him any less nervous. 

He doesn’t even know if you’ve ever thought about marriage, let alone marrying him.

“I don’t believe you Sweet Pea.” You sing and he rolls his eyes in response. 

“Don’t believe me then.” He replies, crossing his arms and you huff, annoyed that you didn’t get an answer from him. 

“I’ve got to go.” You cross the living room to where he’s sat, pressing a kiss to his cheek. You’re about to turn around, but he grabs your hips and pulls you on top of him. “Pea!” You squeal but he just giggles and captures your lips in a sweet kiss. “I really have to go now.” You pull away, out of breath after your impromptu make out session, but with a blissful smile on your face. He pouts as he watches you leave but you blow him a kiss and it seems to suffice. “Oh. Don’t forget about those bills. The money’s on the table I just need you to sort it out.” 

“I’ve got it babe.” He calls after you. “I love youuuuu.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too.” You tease, sending him a wink before finally closing the door. 

----

There’s an eery silence spreading throughout the trailer. After hours of screaming, crying and shouting until your throat feels like its on fire, its silent. 

Sweet Pea thinks he prefers the shouting, at least then you’re talking to him. 

“Babe.” He knocks gently on the bedroom door. Its got the be the fifth time in a minute that he’s done so, and each time he gets the same answer...nothing. 

He’d rather you tell him to go away because he would be able to know how you’re feeling. If you’re feeling anything other than anger. Although, if he hears you crying, he thinks that might be worse. 

He sighs and turns around, sliding to the floor. His back is resting against the cold wood, but his skin still feel hot. He runs a hand over his face, sighing again and then tipping his head back. It hits the door with a soft thud but he doesn’t move it. He can practically feel the stress lines starting to appear on his face, feeling like he’s aged ten years in the past 2 hours. 

Pulling a cigarette from his pocket, he takes a deep breath before lighting it. He’s tried countless of times over the past few years to quit. It was a stupid habit that he took up way too young, and since he met you, he’s been trying to quit. But whenever he’s stressed, he always falls back to it. In some way, its like an odd comfort. He knows you hate it, but he figures he’s already upset you enough tonight, whats one more thing to say sorry for. Plus, if you smell the smoke it might lure you out...so silver lining. 

The first drag makes him close his eyes, a calmness washing over him. It stays for all of three seconds before he remembers what he’s done. And then he finds himself looking around for somewhere to put it out. He settles for a plant pot, the plant inside is fake, but somehow it still seems to be dead and he stares at it confused. 

“Please Y/n. I said I’m sorry.” Nothing. “I know I screwed up, but I’m going to fix it tomorrow.” 

“You said you’d pay it.” Its the first thing you’ve said in half an hour, and the way you say it makes his heart ache more than any amount of screaming could. You sound disappointed, and thats something he never wants to make you feel. 

“I know.” He replies. “I know I let you down. I’m sorry.” 

“We could be kicked out Sweet Pea.” 

“We’re not. I’m going to fix it, first thing tomorrow.” 

“I asked you to do it a week ago.” 

“I know.” He sighs. “I don’t know what else I can say, but sorry. I really am sorry Y/n. Please believe me.” He pleads. Its quiet, until he hears shuffling and then the door opens. He quickly scrambles to stand up, placing his hands on either side of your face.

“I do.” You nod. “You’re an idiot.” You shake you head and goofy smile come to his face. 

“I know.” He nods. “Do you still want me?” 

“Of course I do.” You roll your eyes, but kiss him anyway, scrunching your face up as soon as you taste smoke. “You know I don’t like it when you smoke.” You send him a look and he rolls his eyes. 

“I’ll quit...I promise.” He replies, pressing a kiss to your head. 

“Are you going to keep it?” 

“Probably not.” He shakes his head. “But I’ll do my best for you.” As soon as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest, he sighs contently. And marriage crosses his mind for a second time. 

----

The first time you fixed Sweet Pea up, you had only been dating for a few weeks. When you were friends, he would usually do it himself, not wanting to worry you. And even when you got together, he didn’t want to worry you. But the fight he’d gotten in had been rough, rougher than any other and he’d been pretty badly beaten. 

So, despite his entire body screaming at him to just go home, he dragged himself to your house, and hoped that your parents wouldn’t be in. He’d tried throwing stones at your window, but couldn’t lift his arms without winding himself, so he pulled himself round to your front door, and forced himself to knock on the door. 

The wait for you to answer felt like a lifetime, his lungs burning with each breath and the blood dribbling down his face faking him squirm. When you opened the door, a bright smile had lit up your face, almost like you knew it was him, but as soon as you looked at him, it dropped. Instead being replaced with concern and fear. 

“Sweet Pea? What the hell happened to you?” You’d ushered him inside, standing behind him with an arm on either side to make sure he didn’t fall. And after an excruciating five minutes, he was up the stairs and in your bathroom. 

“I’m sorry.” Is the first thing he says. It comes out more of a wheeze and your eyebrows knit together. You stop, midway through searching through the cabinet and turn to him. 

“What?” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to come here but I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” He rasps, his knuckles turning white as he grips the edge of the bath. 

“Its okay. You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

“I shouldn’t have come here.” He shakes his head and tries to stand up, but you’re beside him in an instant, pushing him to sit back down as gently as you can.

“You’re absolutely not going anywhere.” You reply. He parts his lips to argue, but the look you send him makes him shut up, something he learns quickly, and something that has followed him throughout your entire relationship. 

You patch him up quietly, knowing that if he wants to talk, he will. You hum a song as you dab the blood of his face and despite the pain he’s feeling, he smiles at the sound. 

“What?” You ask, glancing at him before going back to cleaning a particularly deep cut on his cheek. 

“Just you.” He smiles and you roll your eyes. “Y/n?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I am really sorry for coming over.” You stop what you’re doing to look at him properly, but he looks away, worried you’re going to get annoyed at him. 

“Believe it or not Sweet Pea, but I actually like seeing you. Even if you are all bloody. You’re still pretty to look at.” 

He’s never been called pretty before, and as the years go by together, you tell him more and more. When he asks about it later, you tell him its a crime nobody has ever called him pretty, which like always, he answers with a scoff. 

“Shut up.” He blushes, but you can barely see it through his blood soaked skin. “You’re the pretty one.” 

“And so are you.” You boop him gently on the nose, very matter of factly before going back to work. 

Now, years later, he still looks back at that memory with fondness. At the time he thought it was the worst thing he could have ever done. That you would break up with him for dragging you into his mess. But you didn’t, if anything, you think it made you love him more. 

He’s been in so many fights since he was old enough to remember, each one getting more and more violent. After a while he thought he lost all innocence, all faith, all privilege. But each day he spends with you, whether you’re patching him up, or cuddling with him on the couch, he can feel himself claw back a little bit more of each. 

Sometimes he feels as though he’s a deck of cards, one blow away from toppling over. But then he see’s your face, and its like your the super glue that him and Toni used to use to stick decks of cards together.  Despite everything, you still want him, and he feels lucky every single day. Even after all the stupid things he does, and he does do some stupid things, you want him. He’s never thought himself as a good person, thats what years on the southside with a huge label hanging round your neck will do to you. But sometimes, he see’s himself the way you see him. 

With you beside him, he loves himself a little more. 

This realization, makes marriage drift through his head for the third time. 

----

“Sweet Pea?” You call as you kick your shoes off. You’ve been at work all day, and as soon as you walk through your front door, your muscles seem to suddenly start aching. The lights are off, and your eyebrows furrow as you look around. “Sweet Pea?” You flick the kitchen light on and suddenly it hits you. “Sweet Pea. I swear to god, have you been smoking.” The smell of cigarettes linger in the air and you could kill him. He only smokes when he’s nervous about something, and so you suddenly feel worried.

You’ve been having money problems so you’ve had to cut back on a few things, but you’re coping, picking up more shifts at Pop’s. The time apart has taken a toll on the two of you, but you’ve been trying to spend as much time together as possible. 

Maybe that its? Maybe he’s worried things are going downhill. 

“I promise I won’t kill you.” You add, now feeling slightly bad about your previous comment, but you still get no answer. The living room is empty, and the bathroom door is open, so he can only be in one other place. 

“Sweet Pea?” Pushing the bedroom door open gently, your eyes widen at the sight in front of you. Fairy lights are strung around the room, bathing the room in a soft glow, there’s rose petals covering the bed and floor, and candles are spread out around the room. But the prettiest sight is Sweet Pea wearing a suit, down on one knee with a ring box in one hand a bouquet of flowers in the other. “Oh my god.” You gasp, your voice barely above a whisper. You shuffle further into the room, tears already flowing down your cheeks.

“Are you okay babe?” He asks, his voice full of concern, but you nod quickly and he goes back to normal.

“Y/n.” He hands you the flowers, before grabbing your hand and squeezing it. “This proposal has been 6 months in the making, but the journey here has spanned our entire lives. You’ve been by my side through everything. Through the good, the bad and the just plain depressing. You’ve celebrated with me, suffered with me. You’ve made me laugh, cheered me up when I’ve cried and most importantly of all, you’ve just been there. All of my life you’ve been next to me, but until just a few years ago did I truly appreciate it. You have the patience of a saint and the smile of an angel, which is something you need to put up with me, which I honestly don’t know how you do. So thank you for taking a chance on me, believe me, I know its not easy. But I hope its worth it. I hope in the end I make it worth it. So, Y/n Y/l/n, will you marry me?” 

“Yes.” You nod. “Of course I will.” A relived smile spreads across his lips as he slips the ring on your finger and stands. As soon as he’s stood up, your arms are around his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss. His hands find your waist, pulling you tighter to him and the two of you sigh contently. 

He’s the first to pull away, a blissful look on his face as he just looks at you. 

“So.” You toy with your ring. “You know I don’t like it when you smoke.” You tease making him roll his eyes. 

“Shut up.” He mumbles, tugging you back to him and capturing your lips in a sweet kiss. 

[justanothermaltesewhumpblr]

Maria, meet Eden

Maria sat alone in the grey room. It was cold, and smelled faintly of cigarettes and coffee.

She’d been here once before.

She’d been younger then, wrapped in a blanket, shaking, speechless as she was now.

Her parents had just died.

Rather.

Her parents had just been murdered.

The sweet nectar of the satisfaction of retribution melted over her tongue the way the arsenic had in her victim’s earlier that night.

She sighed. The officers would come in soon, probably offering their condolences before starting the procedure of giving her her inheritance. She was nineteen years old now. No more guardians. Shed made sure of that before executing her plan.

The door opened, two middle aged men walked in with a manila folder and a heavy sigh.

“Maria Abades”, they began, she knew the spiel well by now, “You’re under arrest for the murder of Emanuele Biltró”-wait, what?!-“Soledad Biltró”-how-“and their three children, Matías, Sebastían and Sofía Biltró”.

No…no no it was only Emanuele…maybe Soledad - but not the children. Definitely not the children.

She was sure she’d put it in his cup. Only his cup.

She managed to croak out a “what”. Her throat was dry, shut. Sebastían was three years old.

She put it in Mani’s cup. Just his cup. She was sure.

She’d been planning it for months, ever since that day in the basement when she had gone down to help Estella, one of the cooks, to bring produce up to the kitchen. She'd been searching through the boxes and shelves for tumeric when she’d accidentally knocked over a few of the jars. Scrambling to pick them back up, she noticed that as her knuckles knocked against the back of the shelf it sounded hollow. A false back.

She made a mental note to return to the cellar, knowing Mani and Soledad never expected her to be down there in the first place, never expected her to interact with the staff.

She’d gone back at night, carefully moving the jars and popping open the back of the shelf. A manila folder dropped into her lap.

Abades.

She couldn’t help herself, she opened it, immediately rifting through the pages, articles about her parents, articles about her father, his work, his writing. The accusations, the evidence … he’s been about to expose everything.

Mani knew.

He'd contacted the right people, paid the right price, and organized the funeral once his plan had been carried out successfully. He'd even volunteered to take in the newly orphaned child; bless.

She remembered at this point, in this room, with these men, that it was at exact moment that she had known what true, fierce, unadulterated hatred was.

“I don't know what to tell you, Mari… you’re looking at life in prison here…”

She thought maybe she’d ask for a lawyer. Thats what her parents would have done. She would argue, and, and fight it, and deny it- Matías was seven- deny it, demand a lawyer, don’t say anything-

You killed the children.

She pursed her lips. She felt like she was breathing grease. She wanted to vomit. She was going to faint.

She realized her mouth had been hanging open; and so she closed it.

One of the men bit his cheek, she knew him and he knew her. She’d called him tío a lifetime ago, a memory infused with the scent of bandeja paisa and arepa, a guitar strumming to the sound of laughter.

She realized at some point that the other man had been speaking to her, something about lawyers and court and prison and proof and tragedy and loss as if he knew anything about such things.

And then she was alone again.

She took the liberty of getting up out of her chair, walking a couple steps to the bin, and vomiting. Profoundly.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed when the door opened again. That was, of course, the entire point of interrogation rooms.

She knew that…because she wasn’t stupid. She’d put the arsenic only in his cup-

“Maria Abades” One of them approached; a woman with dark skin and hair clipped close to her head, wearing a matching suit to the men who accompanied her. “I’m Angelica Wilson”, Maria got the feeling that wasn’t her real name. “These are my associates, William Pope, and James Cartier. We’ve come to speak to you.”

They looked like lawyers, but wore less arrogance and more relaxed authority. Like they didn’t need to prove themselves to the world. The casual flare of the woman's shirt, her gold detailed watch, the clean, elegant shape of her nails … Maria was used to wealth, she’d grown up surrounded by it… But this, this wasn’t just wealth. Their posture, their clothing, this was so much more; they were so much more. They looked out of place in the drab room, as if the only backdrop that could fit them was a kaleidoscope of steel, and silk, and liquid gold.

“I’m sure this has been explained to you, Maria, but you’re facing some very heavy charges here. Life in prison. That’s not something any nineteen year old should be familiar with. We want to give you options.”

The woman leaned forward, her hand reaching closer. Maria felt compelled to take it.

“We’re willing to offer you a contract; community service of sorts. A means for you to work off your debt to society.”

One of the men - William, reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a piece of paper with a curled, elegant insignia on it, "The academy would enable you to study different languages, to hone your skills, particularly we think you would benefit from furthering your studies in Chemistry and biological systems. Particularly, drug dosing and tracing."

Maria felt a chill run through her body, she thought she might vomit again. They knew.

"In exchange for such training,"the man continued, placidly "you would be required to carry out some tasks - all in the interest of world peace."

That last part felt, to Maria, like it had the same cadence as when Emmanuele would shift funds, cut taxes, assign transfers… in the interest of having a well functioning society.

She looked around the room again, wondering for a moment what the men watching her from behind the double sided mirror, were thinking. Did she look panicked? Calm? She'd been avoiding looking at her reflection - for fear that seeing herself would incur a visceral reaction she did not want these people to witness.

For just a brief instant, she wished she'd drank the arsenic instead.

“You would be provided with an entirely new identity - a fresh start.”

Maria knew that was... convenient. Far too good an offer to refuse.

She also thought asking for the catch would get her absolutely nowhere.

Option B was a jail cell.

“It’s a lot to take in" the other man, who'd been silent up to this point, broke through her thoughts. "I wish we had the time to let you think this through but unfortunately we’re on something of a timer ourselves. What we can offer, if you need more time, is to come back when another slot opens up. What do you think?”

Prison or this.

Prison or This.

Guilt sickened her, powerlessness gripped her, she couldn’t give her life up, she couldn’t face herself.

Prison or this.

“… … Do I need to sign anything”, they smiled. She tasted bile.

____________________________________________________________________

She gave herself a once-over in the mirror. Her hair had been cut, a bandage lay over her elbow where they’d taken blood samples. Her freckles barely showed in the fluorescent lights overhead. She tried to ignore the dark blue bags under her eyes.

Angelica stepped up behind her, looking at her reflection with a smile.

"What do we think?"

Maria nodded drily, she figured the clothes they'd provided for her upon exiting the shower were more comfortable than a prison uniform.

"Come, sit, we need to build you from the ground up."

Maria sat across from the woman as she brought a pot of coffee over for them both.

"You'll need to learn to speak without an accent, although you are already most of the way there. You'll need a name, something completely unrelated to your former self."

Maria thought for a moment. She sipped her coffee, and in that moment a pain, sharp and sweet hit her chest. She missed her mother.

She remembered sitting in her mother's room, watching her put on her earrings as her father waited downstairs. Her mother, spritzing perfume onto her wrists and neck, the sweet lavender scent.

She had a painting, just above her bed. A beautiful garden, with a stream running down the middle, and an apple tree. The beginning of everything.

She remembered being awed by that painting as a child, sitting in her mother's bed, watching it for hours, each time finding a new detail.

She began writing on the pad the woman had given her. A new history, a new name, anew identity. The beginning of everything.

The woman read through it, and smiled.

“Welcome to the Academy, Eden”.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-06

♪ HS2 HS2 is baaaaack ♪

♪ HS2bloggin here we gooooo ♪

♪ Structural changes on their team but I don’t caaaaare ♪

♪ Already resooolved myself that its NOOOT gonna beee as good ♪ with inattentiveness to details characters like Terezi forgetting-what-they-used-to-know and an obsession with dwelling on traaageeeDEEE without relief-or-considering how weee’d feeeeeeel~ ♪♪♪ --so just gonna enjoy-what-i-caaaaaan about iiit~ ♪♪♪

Okay time for bankruptcy

> CHAPTER 11. History's Most Notorious Haters

Let’s see how effectively my perky new lowered-expectations attitude lets me enjoy this comic  *click*

wut

Oh.  so is this Dave drawing comics about current events or Regular Calliope doing so for our very first lanky look at her presumably-grown-up-more cherub form

> Knight: Keep it real.

HOLY SHIT IT’S DAVEBOT AND ARADIA

so we just get to SEE them?!  just like that???  no buildup or anything?  :D

Okay I’m marking out a little that’s a good sign.  Also what a nerdy cop-out to turn the roboteyes into glasses that’s barely passable which is perfect, the rest of his outfit looks pretty cool tho

DAVEBOT: and thats reason four hundred nineteen why despite my mans many accomplishments i will never acknowledge big skateboardings contrived message that tony hawk is the quintessential skater of our generation ARADIA: o_o DAVEBOT: not in these trying times

Good to see Ultimate Dave is being true to form with regards to the core of his personality

DAVEBOT: beep boop ARADIA: i have told you several times that i was a robot before and i know for a fact you dont have to say beep boop DAVEBOT: hm that sounds fake does not compute ARADIA: david DAVEBOT: mom

I was with this conversation until the last two lines what the fuck

(I’m reading into it aren’t I, Aradia was trying to be atypically proper -- even though she wouldn’t have the frame of reference to know without being specifically told that “Dave” was considered nickname shorthand for the human name David, and thus if she DID know there’s no reason she’d use it except to troll him -- and Dave’s just mocking her response.  Without any shame about his continued weirdness of calling people Mom, and by without any shame I mean he made the choice EXPLICITLY to intentionally evoke the awkwardness.  Wow I got a lot out of two lines.)

(Oh, also alt!Callie’s true Jade-body incarnation here probably prompted her to start using “David” by example.  There, various mysteries solved via a pile of assumptions probably to be disproven in the next couple lines I read.)

The Knight and the Maid stare at each other briefly, having exchanged enough meaningful glances over their time together to know when to drop it.

Would Time players have an easier time gelling this way, like this particular smoothness?  Dropping it just before it gets weird or excessively irritating?

(Overclasspecting)

ARADIA: i think we have exchanged enough meaningful glances over our time together to know when to drop this DAVEBOT: what i enjoy about our conversations is that you just say things like that

OKAY I SNRK’D AT THAT.  That was funny.

Initially.  And now I’m concerned whether Aradia is being controlled by the narrative-speak, or whether they’re both just humorously referencing the meta-text they can both see, or--

ARADIA: oh is that what you enjoy ARADIA: well we are both an infinite number of years old living countless lifetimes at once but thats no reason to waste any of our...

WHAT??!?  She’s an Ultimate Self too?!?

Um, okay!  Yeah!  So they’re BOTH just riffing on the narrative then.  But... why would Dave need a robot body to accommodate his Ultimate Psyche without getting sick but Rose not need it?  I can understand Dirk not needing it because the merging of the full breadth of his multiversal individuality gels well with him being a God of the aspect governing the power of his multiversal individuality, but Aradia?

Were the robot bodies not necessary after all, and the sickness Rose suffered and Obama thought Dave would have suffered some sort of ruse?  Are there shenanigans afoot?  (Or are we going with the “troll biology is better” cop-out?)

She knows how this will play out, having undoubtedly tried this joke on her friend in some timeline or another. Their rapport reflects a unique combination of their matching aspects but greatly differing classes. One a passive but powerful servant to time, the other wielding the aspect like a honed blade.

WH

WHAT????

PASSIVE SERVANT OF THE ASPECT?!? WHAT THE FUCK

Okay if that means anything like it sounds like I guess my class chart is finally blown up, sure, they only waited (*checks last edit date*) SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS TO BLOW THAT GUESS UP, SURE

Wow.  Okay, I feel some obligation to jump to conclusions and say the whole class chart is wrong, but let me stay strapped in to see if “passive” is as literal as one would expect alt!Callie to mean, or it just means “an active class passive compared to other classes”.  And, serving the aspect?  Oh dammit, now people are gonna come at me advocating a Maid / Page dichotomy about actively serving the aspect versus allowing the aspect to be served... or Page / Maid even, jesus

I wish I had enough energy to have those chats anymore.  I’d rather hold on and see the whole ridiculous chart scheme they have in mind... which is definitely (and hopefully) the one Andrew really drew up at the time and not made up by the staff, even if it throws away plenty of my old work...  I’ll just stop thinking about it and keep reading.

...

--no, I don’t think I can just stop thinking about it yet.  Dammit, brain.

So um.  Maids serving their aspect.  There was a whole “Maids serve” thing going on throughout the whole plot of Homestuck, but despite how prevalent it was, I wrote it off as the story riffing on the classical definition of Maid when the actual stuff Maids accomplished was something different and more specific, just like Knights constantly got riffed on for chivalry and the like.  Furthermore, service seemed like a really shitty class definition, when class definitions are the verbs one uses to interact with reality through Aspects to change the way reality unfolds, and “serving” isn’t really an action that results in change, implying a distinct deficit of agency that I wouldn’t have viewed as fair.  (Especially since you originally think “meant to serve others” and not “meant to serve the aspect”, implying even LESS agency.)  Furthermore, MOST passive classes from their descriptions seem to have a propensity to act “as if by the will of the aspect”, so even with the nuance of “serving the aspect”, devoting an entire class verb to service would just step on the territory of other active/passive class pairs’ passive sides, right?

But... IF we were to take this for granted as what it SEEMS... then concentrating on that angle of “serving the aspect” implies a whole lot more agency than a service class might sound on its surface.  The definition fits with the story better once you contextualize all the Maid-y references to service around Jane, for instance, with the additional idea of “serving Life” by baking prolifically and creating more of its symbols in food and--

--fuck.  “Serving”, like serving to others.  Serving the aspect as its attendant AND serving it out to others that need it.  Maybe this still IS part of the Additive class pair!  Whoa.  :O

Okay okay so, what I/we thought before was:

Create/Add - Maid / Sylph

Destroy/Reduce - Prince / Bard

But “additive” really isn’t an elegant verb compared to the “Destroyer” classes, so... could it be the “Servants” and the “Destroyers”?  Like Maids cleaning up and healing the broken wreckage strewn through the halls by a bratty Prince’s tantrum???

It’d certainly be weird... and it’d CERTAINLY be a wild twist where I was partially wrong in some fascinating ways but not entirely off base?

One a passive but powerful servant to time, the other wielding the aspect like a honed blade.

And yet, I can’t bet on this being the situation yet; not at all.  First, it relies on the idea that alt!Callie’s explicit narrative here is slightly misleading, which would be a pretty extreme thing to commit to, even for a technical truth like “she was saying it was passive relative to other classes even though it’s technically “active””.  Second... it would mean that Muses are even more wildly defined than the previous insinuation of hers, that the Sylph -- what we thought was the passive additive class -- was not enough like a Muse compared to a Witch.  Muses not being that Additive?  I could grudgingly understand that, but Muses not being anything like passive Servants?!  That would be EXTREMELY weird!

So... there’s not a whole lot of chance that I’m not dramatically wrong somewhere about these classes!  In a way that throws the entire chart into disarray!

I’m... oddly excited?  Huh.

That’s a pretty nice surprise that I actually feel that way.

:)

(Don’t hit me up all at once to discuss this Classpect development over Discord, I’ll still need a few days without talking about Homestuck to recharge as usual.  Like... maybe wait and come at me as a group chat? So I’m not talking about the latest developments separately with everyone?  No that wouldn’t work, how about... guh I dunno, look my outlook’s a little more positive right now but dealing with Homestuck still takes emotional energy okay?)

Okay the rest of this page...

ARADIA: ... DAVEBOT: time then make a weird face ARADIA: ........ DAVEBOT: waste time DAVEBOT: time ARADIA:............. DAVEBOT: i experience all points of time simultaneously please just say time and make a weird face

This is true.

ARADIA: .................. DAVEBOT: cmon megido youre killing me clocks ticking ARADIA: ... ARADIA: time o_o

The Maid casts a furtive glance around the empty crew quarters, as though to search for someone more sympathetic to her bit.

ARADIA: tough crowd

Dorks.

> ==>

(Lazy fruit-throwing sword-training I won’t bother to screenshot but looks fun)

(I mean, really lazy looking, these people really don’t have Andrew’s knack for action composition that would make the same amount of gif-creation effort feel like a microcosm of the event they’re depicting, unfortunately.  Again, I don’t blame them; Andrew was just too good at it.)

DAVEBOT: ok heres one DAVEBOT: how old do you think you are ARADIA: emotionally? ARADIA: that is a pretty heavy topic DAVEBOT: you know damn well thats not what i meant ARADIA: you know I have been through a lot dave DAVEBOT: ok ARADIA: its just so kind of someone DAVEBOT: ok i get it ARADIA: to finally ask how i feel ARADIA: i am beside myself with emotions ARADIA: i want to open up DAVEBOT: jesus christ ARADIA: shall i open up about my past traumas to you ARADIA: would you enjoy that ARADIA: to think even a frog like me can work through their pain with a dear friend ARADIA: you have truly blessed me on this day dave strider

Is Aradia JUST trolling here or is her Ultimate Self grappling with a ton of real unresolved trauma too that she’s bullshitting around Dave-style?

DAVEBOT: times fun when youre having flies

Okay that’s a damned good frog pun.

Alright now Davebot’s rapping

DAVEBOT: lacking tact i stay stacked while i breach contract DAVEBOT: sacred vows disavowed got divorce fever DAVEBOT: i leave her DAVEBOT: dont look back dont perceive her ARADIA: do you want to talk about it :( DAVEBOT: about what ARADIA: would you say you are hung up on leaving your wife and friends behind

Goddamnit is DAVE’S ton of real unresolved trauma leaking into his raps unintentionally Dave-style??  I knew we had to address it when we cut to Davebot but how about LESS TRAGEDY IN THIS COMIC MAYBE

DAVEBOT: arent you even a little guilty about ditching your boyfriend ARADIA: what ARADIA: oh fuck

Wh

But she knew what she was doing when she did it she explicitly did it didn’t she?  Epilogues quote:

DAVEBOT: what about your boy DAVEBOT: eyepatches ARADIA: oh sollux is in one of his moods ARADIA: this was all getting to be a bit much for him ARADIA: if i go ill probably just cut him loose DAVEBOT: good move

And then they stepped through the sky hole more or less.  Did like, distracted Ultimate Aradia not realize exactly how long she was leaving Sollux for, ie forever?  Or did she “ascend” to Ultimate status later and hadn’t thought back to the full consequences of her actions within this timeline?  Or both?  From the looks of the link we’ll probably find out on the next pa--

--Wait.  Something else I just thought of, unrelated.

If Aradia is an Ultimate Self, that’s another coincidentally Ultimate version of someone hanging around that happens to be on the prospective list of Soul-Powered Jujus that might have their creation loops closed in the coming story.  Could those two things play into each other somehow?  Like instead of their souls getting stuffed into the items, their “Ultimateness” is?  Or as if that’s a necessary component, or...  no, I’m probably overthinking things.

> (Months in the past, but not many...)

Uh huh.  Is that flashing because he’s “watching” Aradia leave?  But I thought Aradia SAID she was leaving--

> (==>)

--and that black hole portal doesn’t look as cool as it sounded in the Epilogues.  But why was Aradia acting surprised, she said “I’ll probably just cut him loose” mere MOMENTS before entering the portal, did she mean “cut him loose” as in “I’m going to talk to him before leaving” and then just IMMEDIATELY forget that she didn’t say anything to him because she cared so little???

Wait.  Waaaait wait wait.  I think.  I think maybe I missed some subtext.  Lemme do some fuller quotes here:

ARADIA: oh sollux is in one of his moods ARADIA: this was all getting to be a bit much for him ARADIA: if i go ill probably just cut him loose DAVEBOT: good move

His gaze remains fixed on her. She blinks and looks away, unsure what to say next. He’s standing perfectly still, presumably waiting for her to say something. She met him... what was it? Once, twice before? She can’t remember. But she knows this is a very different Dave. Aside from the metal skin, he seems implacably confident. But then, people go through changes. She’s been through more than her share. She cocks an eyebrow, recalling her own stint with a metal body.

DAVEBOT: hey earth to whats your face ARADIA: oh ARADIA: its aradia

[...]

DAVEBOT: youre coming DAVEBOT: better decide quick i doubt that dank fuckin hell funnel is staying open for much longer ARADIA: yes i suppose so ARADIA: thats where all the action is right? DAVEBOT: all the action that matters yeah ARADIA: off we go then :) DAVEBOT: word

He holds out his hand. She looks around, and assumes he means for her to take it, so she does. She didn’t know someone could fly this fast. He nearly yanks her arm out of its socket. She considers reminding him that maybe this isn’t necessary, since she can fly too. But she doesn’t want to risk saying more embarrassing stuff around this outrageously cool dude. Besides, they’re through the wormhole before she can even finish the thought. It vanishes the moment they’ve crossed.

...this was a SHIPPING thing wasn’t it.  She’s impressed as hell with Striderbot, she SAID she’d cut things off with Sollux, and then she was so busy being swooped off her feet and into the portal that she forgot to actually say anything to him.  Is that what happened????

Ultimate Self Davebot x Ultimate Self Aradia.  Huh.  Didn’t see that coming.  (Though, again... they could make it SLIGHTLY clearer that this wasn’t just a blatant continuity error.)

Anyway, a rare-don’t-get-used-to-it [S] page...

> [S] (Gaze.)

...Okay that was kinda funny.

> (==>)

SOLLUX: h0w the fuck am i g0ing t0 get d0wn fr0m here.

HAH!  Okay, he’s taking it pretty well.  :)  --and THAT’s what she realized she forgot, giving him a flight down from the tower before leaving.

GOOD.  KEEP THINGS HUMOROUS EVEN WHEN LITERAL ABANDONMENT IS HAPPENING.  THAT’S the Homestuck I was missing.  :)  :)  :)

> Back to reality.

(Since the black hole is outside “canon” reality.)

Those are some cool poses-AHAH JESUS CHRIST ALT!JADE YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING XD

COULD YOU MAYBE HAVE CLEANED UP THE DRIED BLOOD AT SOME POINT OR IS SOME OF THAT FRESH FROM EATING MORE RAW MEAT

(Lord English’s blood leaving permanent timeless bloodstains would be a cool new thing to squeeze into canon i admit, i wouldn’t blame them for taking the excuse even if you could find small canon counterexamples I’m not sure of but dimly think might exist)

((ALSO SHE’S GONNA BE TINY NEXT TO THEM I DUNNO IF THAT MAKES IT MORE TERRIFYING OR LESS, PROBABLY MORE))

DAVEBOT: so youre telling me you dont even feel a little bad that you ditched him to be a weird death acolyte ARADIA: no i think he found my wiles both charming and irresistible DAVEBOT: not even an ounce of guilt or self doubt huh DAVEBOT: just like that DAVEBOT: no conversations about the greater good DAVEBOT: no revelations about your feelings

Is Aradia a jerk or weird?  Can’t decide.

ARADIA: do you often find your faith in yourself shaken like this or is it a new experience now that your mortal coil has been left behind DAVEBOT: what ARADIA: do you think now that all that is left of you is a literal ghost inside of a machine you are more or less likely to embrace finality DAVEBOT: oh dope more cult of one shit DAVEBOT: immortality changed you ARADIA: could it be that you are projecting your feelings onto my situation DAVEBOT: does not compute rose jr ARADIA: ... ARADIA: we dont have to talk about it DAVEBOT: thanks

Wow, I actually can’t follow this conversation at all.  Let me stare at it for a sec...

...okay, the first part she’s talking about DAVE’s faith in HIMself being shaken, not her own.  She’s not asking if he relates to HER experience, she’s contrasting it.

Then, asking if he’d be more likely to embrace death, or... Time?  Death.  Whether his self-worth has changed because he might view himself as “less real”, something Aradia doubtless struggled with when she was a robot who already had so many excuses to devalue herself at the time?  And then Dave talks about “cult of one” shit what does that even mean-...

OH.  Like she’s a death cult.  Gooot it.  Because Aradia’s of the position that death and ending should be celebrated, and Davebot understandably isn’t entirely bought in.  This is as hard to parse down as one would EXPECT conversations between two Ultimate Selves to be hard to parse down, unlike Rose and Dirk where their insane missions and glaring flaws shine bright enough through it all that you can follow their conversation flow easily.

JADE: They sit in each other's presence, the silence between them as meaningful as any words they could exchange. DAVEBOT: its always really cool to hear how meaningful my silences are DAVEBOT: especially while DAVEBOT: CALCULATING DAVEBOT: CALCULATING DAVEBOT: especially while i am attempting to experience them

Alt!Callie pulling a narrative-text AFTER a talk-identifier like “JADE:” is really hilarious in my opinion.

JADE: i do not need your approval. the story will continue how it must. DAVEBOT: beep boop hater detected ARADIA: wow is that true JADE: i am not a hater. DAVEBOT: classic hater line DAVEBOT: i know this because i am pouring through genuine actual quadrabytes of information on historys most notorious haters JADE: no, you aren’t.

Pffffff. This is pretty fun.

DAVEBOT: you are the exact opposite of a hater ARADIA: a liker DAVEBOT: ok DAVEBOT: perfect example your tolerance for whatever is going on with DAVEBOT: all this ARADIA: i think she looks quite lovely covered in the viscera of the all-powerful enemy she consumed ARADIA: floating lifelessly in our periphery ARADIA: observing our every action and noting its relevance :) DAVEBOT: uh huh thats what i mean

I was gonna note “liker” as additive for pointless classpect purposes, but really more quoting it just because I really enjoy this conversation.  I’m starting to get sold on the chemistry of these two a lot faster than I expected.

JADE: even though I understand that it must happen, i am growing frustrated with the direction of this conversation. DAVEBOT: do you want to talk about something else stinky JADE: what would you suggest?

How long has that dried fucking blood been on her

DAVEBOT: ok hear me out DAVEBOT: kanaya DAVEBOT: but like DAVEBOT: wearing huge jorts

That explains Homestuck’s twitter earlier

> Weeks in the future, relative to the original point of interest...

Wait wait which point of interest?  This time we were just viewing? *click*

I love what must be this shitty imagination-ship they’re using to cross the substrate of reality

> ==>

Whoaaaa.  So they DIDN’T stay in those outfits for long?  It showed them in a bunk bed earlier, it showed CallieJade still going around blood-covered afterward-- dammit, I’m having a hard time gauging exactly how much time is supposed to have passed between their entry into the black portal, their earlier conversation, and this moment.  And as likely as some are to call this poor scene composition, I can’t think it’s anything but intentional, given we’re dealing with a couple of Ultimate Time players bullshitting with each other.

Moments like these are not rare, and serve a valuable function to the story. They are able to show a passage of time with the bulk of the emotional labor of a lengthy bonding process happening off screen. How did we get here? What have they been through? These questions are often better left open to individual interpretation and can give the one interpreting a sense of ownership of the story.

See?  We’re being trolled is why.  (Even if the authors are pulling the trick Alt!Callie describes maybe a little too damn often, because a cut like this where we’re supposed to fill in the emotional gaps and intervening events ourselves as readers depends on readers’ faith that sensible events and decisions for these characters would OCCUPY the gaps, as if readers don’t have faith that what intervenes WOULD make sense to their understanding of the characters the way the authors are writing them... it just seems like an excuse to do whatever you want without adequately explaining yourself, when in reality if you’d spelled out the events that led to it we’d all cry foul at the mischaracterization.)

...okay, maybe I’m a BIT bitter.  Sorry.  Where were we?

JADE: As a point of curiosity- ARADIA: oh shit!!!!

The dead Cherub possessing the body of an equally deceased Goddess of Space pauses at the interruption.

She doesn’t talk much, then?  Too busy doing whatever talking you’d do as your other possessed Jade body?  Just how temporally related is you controlling THIS Jade compared to when you were controlling the other?  When that Jade pegged you as enjoying contact with friends, are these two just not enough for you, or did you “experience” the trips entirely separately?  I don’t THINK the alt!Callie possessing either Jade is a separate entity from the other, but...

Were she to voice her opinion, it would be that --actually-- it is not unusual for those whose primary concern is The Grander Scheme to have a passing curiosity about the insignificant. So when one really thinks about it, any annoyance with the attendant’s small mindedness is both understandable and warranted.

She pissed

...also, “the attendant”.  Even if “serve” is really the verb here, that phrasing really irks me as if she’s talking down to her.  Which, I mean, makes sense for alt!Callie’s character, but doesn’t make me feel better about this new definition being foisted on us.

ARADIA: :( JADE: as a point of order, you never answered dave’s question. ARADIA: which one he is very chatty JADE: you experience time in a way that is woefully unfamiliar to me and it has... piqued my curiosity enough to learn more. ARADIA: ?_? DAVEBOT: shes asking how old you are

Wait a minute, is Alt!Callie asking a question about a dropped topic from WEEKS ago?!  And is Davebot so in touch with Time and the meta ordering of topics that he actually CAUGHT ON that fast to what she was actually wondering about?????

This is getting more disorienting by the minute.

ARADIA: in this form our bodies stop aging once we reach maturity i think ARADIA: the god tier keeps our physical form locked in a state of undying ARADIA: even in death the bodies do not decay ARADIA: only lay dormant

THAT LAST PART IS FUCKING IMPORTANT.  It’s being brought up intentionally to tell us that JOHN’S DEAD BODY can still be in the wallet Terezi’s carrying around RIGHT NOW without having decayed over the past years.  I remember remarking in SOME previous HS^2 liveblog post of mine that I was alarmed by the decay that would have happened there (can’t find my remark on short notice and don’t really care to), so this explicitly dismisses it so we won’t be surprised by the fact that she could keep it in just-dead condition.

DAVEBOT: like how long have you been alive JADE: yes, that one.

[...]

ARADIA: oh maybe a few hundred years or so DAVEBOT: what JADE: what? ARADIA: well if i had known you were going to be so judgy about it DAVEBOT: when did this happen ARADIA: oh i spent some time in other doomed realities and timelines and came back before anybody could tell i was gone

Hm!

We knew she spent a LONG time in the dream bubbles, enough to talk to “pretty much all of the Nepetas”, but she was actually able to access a universe or universes and hop between them?  That’s not something any time traveller we’ve seen has been explicitly able to do intentionally before, quite like she’s describing.

DAVEBOT: oh just out for a bit of fun then DAVEBOT: just hopped on over to a different reality DAVEBOT: real casual like DAVEBOT: oh hello dont mind me just popping in to see if it really is as doomed as they say it is DAVEBOT: did not disappoint ARADIA: yes almost exactly like that :) DAVEBOT: who did you hang out with are they cooler than me ARADIA: it is complicated to explain DAVEBOT: oh ok nevermind then DAVEBOT: all clear

Yep, he’s kinda bewildered.  Is this Pesterquest stuff she’s referring to?  Did she stop by Pesterquest?

DAVEBOT: a whole alternate universe ripe with the coolest motherfuckers imaginable ARADIA: you were there too i threw your air conditioner into the sun DAVEBOT: wow thats fucked up DAVEBOT: thats not where that goes at all JADE: these events are not-canonical. ARADIA: rude

Ah!  Yeah, almost certainly Pesterquest.  (Still haven’t played that and have little inclination to now that I’m more sure we aren’t being gaslit with intentional continuity errors, just disappointed by actual continuity errors.)  Oh!  And that makes a bit more sense because I imagine that’s Black Hole territory, and that territory outside of Canon seems pretty rich and easy for time-travellers to hop between stories and timelines willy-nilly.  As they’re apt to in fanfics, which is the most appropriate way for things to be in that realm!

DAVEBOT: is that the trope of being hundreds of years old but looking young forever patently sucks ass DAVEBOT: a plot device an asshole would write ARADIA: :( JADE: that is not what i am trying to say at all. DAVEBOT: hmm wow yeah thatd really be a sort of pot/kettle situation i guess DAVEBOT: i cant believe im the only woke one here DAVEBOT: its hard being such a visionary AND such a fine metallic specimen DAVEBOT: but im an altruist first and fucking foremost ARADIA: so selfless JADE: yes, the greater narrative is truly blessed by your beneficent presence. DAVEBOT: oh so you got jokes now huh JADE: i have always had the ‘jokes’ of which you speak, but i have heretofore exercised restraint in laying you low. JADE: i possess knowledge of many of your iterations, as the scope of my powers allows me to exist in several narrative structures at once. DAVEBOT: but can she see why kids love the sweet cinnamon taste of cinnamon toast crunch JADE: i do not know, or care, what that means. ARADIA: neither do i :)

I’m actually really enjoying this conversation

JADE: its cultural significance to you as an earthling is wasted on the two of us entirely, as we have not conflated the misguided notion of clinging to nostalgic cereal advertisement trivia with socially relevant conversation.

Pff she literally checked her meta notes just now to learn what the cereal ads were after admitting she didn’t know what it meant and pretending not to care

> ==>

Oh, closer look at Davebot.  Are those actual SHAPED shades over his robotic eye bulges?  Weird, I thought it was just a lazy line drawn between them with red sharpie at first, Sans style.  That would’ve been funny.

> ==>

Ohh, I get it.  I was gonna say that was an unwarranted reaction... but he just realized that the Time-wait puns will be coming from BOTH his shipmates from now on.  That’s gotta be a downer.  :)

> ==>

HOLY

FUCKING

SHIT

IS ALT-CALLIE LAUGHING!??!?!?!??

That’s REALLY, REALLY GOOD!!!  SHE’S ALREADY LAUGHING OCCASIONALLY THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY

“BEST NARRATOR” COFFEE CUP

SHE’S ADORABLE

> ==>

Ah, was that Jade kicking you out?  Or just the multiverse punishing you for being briefly happy :(

--oh, end of the update.  Guess that’s it for now!

...

Alright I know I’m A BIT BEHIND on covering the HS2 commentary,

But

I really would rather wait on that a bit longer if that’s alright.  Real busy and stressful week or two.  (Found out my hair is starting to thin noticeably at age 31!  Quite suddenly, too.  Blood test looks fine so it’s nothing serious... gonna see a doctor to check if anything can be safely done about that, it’s really hurting my self-esteem more than I thought it would.  Didn’t think it would hit my emotions that hard when it eventually happened, knew it was likely but not so SOON... really messing with my anxiety every time I accidentally touch my hair, now.  I’ll deal with it.)

If I sound really aimless in this post, I think it’s cause I am?  My mental and emotional energy’s REALLY drained.  I’m glad that June/July break in HS^2 happened when it did, and I’m definitely glad there’s apparently plenty in HS^2 I can really enjoy, if this update is anything to go by.  Maybe this comic can help lift me up instead of knocking me down.  :)

See y’all later!  More Patreon commentary blogging catchup after some other upd8.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

ANGST KAZUMAJI ANON AND WOOF. FUCK. GOTTA LISTEN TO THOSE SONGS AFTER WORK. EXCITED. Your idea though OW. I haven't seen Y6 yet (I watch playthroughs don't have the console and my computer laughs at me trying to run the games) the streamer thats playing it finally got to Y6 and I am Refusing To Watch It. My heart can't take even starting the VOD.

You’re welcome for the music cc: 

A LOT of people haven’t seen 6 yet, so I did my best to get through that without spoilers ^^; Hope I haven’t ruined anything for you. And I feel that, my laptop and I have constant arguments and I’m not a good gamer anyway ^^; I should try Kiwami 1 someday though... I have it, I'm just Nervous about Being Bad ^^; 

Nice, following one streamer, well done c: I just hopped around to different playthroughs on youtube ^^; My wife and I binged all 7 games in I think 2 months, max. ^^; She crazy tho and a bad influence on me xp She likes to just sit and binge things and I am, understandably, weak for my wife <3 

6 isn’t so bad, I promise. You can do it c: It’s very pretty, you get to stare at Kiryu’s juicy ass the entire game, there’s lots of cute minigames of Kiryu with a baby, uh... *running out of nice things to say about 6* ...did I mention it’s very pretty? Fuck... Listen, I have... Feelings about game 6, but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone ^^; Everyone’s allowed to experience things in their own time and form their own opinions and I don’t want to deprive anyone of that. Please watch it and when you see it, feel free to come tell me about it c: 

And as a reward for all that, another angsty idea: 

The Nishikiyama Opera! 

So I composed the entire thing on a car ride with my wife last week and it’s WILD. Y’all ever see opera? If you’ve never seen an opera you SHOULD, they’re fucking Great. Operas are all about being The Most, comedy or tragedy, they’re all horny as shit and everyone is extra as fuck. If you living for the drama, you HAVE to get your ass to an opera. I’m lucky enough to live somewhere with a relatively robust opera community. And anyway, my point is, The Nishikiyama story? RIPE for an opera adaptation! 

First, you gotta know some of the opera tropes. There are two categories of opera, comedies which are kinda rare and tragedies which is... constantly. And operas are pretty good at telling you almost immediately which one they will be. There’s also a lot of meta about the voice parts themselves: 

Soprano - heroine, ingenue, beautiful. Will win if this is a comedy, will die if this is a tragedy. 

Alto - mothers & witches. Not the heroine. Will probably die regardless of comedy or tragedy. Unless she’s the villain, then she lives in a tragedy. 

Tenor - hero. Given the sexiest parts to sing. Sometimes unbearable. Everything is about Him. 

Baritone/Bass - fathers & villains. Gorgeous voice, never utilized properly. 

Knowing the vocal parts and what they classically represent is key to knowing who will win and who will die in the opera. For example, in Carmen, Carmen is actually an alto, not a soprano, and Don Jose is a tenor. This immediately tells you that shit’s fucked. Tenors are supposed to fall in love with sopranos, never altos. So this story can only end in tragedy because he’s interested in the wrong kind of voice part. There’s even a counterpoint of a soprano who is madly in love with him, and the baritone toreador for Carmen. They’re given their proper voice partners, but Don Jose still pursues Carmen which is a ginormous mistake by operatic tropes. 

So, opera education over, picture this: 

ACT I  Kiryu (soprano) is the loveliest yakuza in all the land! He’s just delightful. The Chorus sings his praises and he demonstrates his impeccable fighting ability. (Forgot to mention, any opera worth its salt has a Chorus and I will die on this hill.) The Audience is assured of his might and grace. 

Kiryu, obviously, does not want for admirers, but has not chosen to court anyone formally. 

Here enters Kiryu’s brother, Nishiki (bass). The Chorus explains that Nishiki is second to his brother in strength, but is formidable in his own right. Nishiki explains to the audience how he longs for Kiryu, how he covets him, his strength, his beauty. How after a lifetime together, affection has turned to love. Nishiki must have him. 

Kiryu hears none of this. Nishiki approaches to make his case when Majima (tenor) sweeps onto the scene. Majima is brazen and glib. The Chorus tells us to beware his charming smile, he is as dangerous as he is flirtatious. Majima has heard of Kiryu’s reputation and calls him into the street to defend his title. Kiryu responds and they do battle. 

In the midst of the battle, Majima finds himself won over by Kiryu’s skill and grace, his kindness and strength. Majima is bursting with love and there and then makes a proposal to Kiryu, offering his whole heart. 

Kiryu is stunned. Majima is not a weak fighter, he is not a braggadocio, despite appearances. He was a real challenge and Kiryu was not expecting the fight to take this turn. He is so surprised he cannot make an answer and politely, but quickly, leaves. 

Nishiki has been watching the entire time and finds his heart gripped by jealousy. He plots to claim Kiryu for himself and hates Majima bitterly, despite the fact that Kiryu has given no answer. Nishiki believes he knows his brother too well not to know that Kiryu returns his affections even if he won’t say. Nishiki leaves, concocting a plan. 

We find Kiryu at his balcony, lamenting his situation. Majima may have been exciting, but Kiryu’s no fool. He has no proof that Majima’s feelings will not waver in time. Majima steals into the garden beneath Kiryu’s balcony and professes his love once more. 

Kiryu is startled and makes to flee, but Majima sings so sweetly, entreats so gently, that Kiryu is compelled to stay. Majima doesn’t even ask again, just sings of his feelings. Kiryu, in his heart, is wooed by this. He may have been ready to answer when Nishiki interrupts. Majima quickly hides in the foliage. 

Nishiki counters with his own confession, his own proposal. Kiryu is shocked and saddened. He begins to sadly tell his brother that he cannot accept. Nishiki flies into a rage, demanding if there is someone else, someone else Kiryu prefers. Kiryu hesitates, but answers honestly that he has always seen Nishiki as a brother, regardless of any other feelings. He cannot accept Nishiki on the grounds of their previous relationship. 

Nishiki was expecting this. He reveals a vial of poison and threatens to drink it unless Kiryu will marry him. Majima gasps. Kiryu pleads with Nishiki not to be rash, but Nishiki only demands his answer, the vial nearly at his lips. 

Kiryu swallows back tears and collapses to his knees. Sorrowfully, he agrees, unable to bear the responsibility of his brother’s death, and the act finishes to the sound of clamoring wedding bells. 

ACT II The lights come up on Kiryu and Nishiki in their home. Nishiki is pacing the floor and making increasingly outlandish suggestions for things to do. Kiryu says yes to all of them, gently and politely. Nishiki’s frustration and annoyance increases with every yes. Eventually he snaps at Kiryu, demanding why he won’t fight him, demanding why he will give no more reaction than a placid yes. Kiryu shrugs helplessly and tries to soothe his brother, but Nishiki won’t be soothed. 

They have been married less than a year and it has been like this the entire time, getting worse by the day. Nishiki can see the pain he’s causing his brother, but can’t stop himself. He loves him too greedily to stop. He departs, hoping to take his mind off things. 

Kiryu is left alone in the house and sings a longer, sadder version of his lament from the balcony. Distantly, we hear strains of Majima’s love song, now broken and echoing. 

The scene changes and we see Kiryu sat down in a busy cafe. At first we assume he’s alone, but people move and we can see he is sitting across from Majima. They do not touch. Their careful, polite space around each other is conspicuous. 

Kiryu is tired, he looks wan, almost sick. Majima sings heartbrokenly, telling Kiryu he needs to take care of himself. He is desperate to take Kiryu away from all this, and asks several times, but Kiryu always sighs and shakes his head no. Majima knows Kiryu will not break his word once given, he is too good and honorable for that. But he cannot help singing for him all the same. He cannot touch, he will not permit himself to touch, but he can sing. 

Kiryu eventually cannot take the heartache anymore and departs sorrowfully. Majima looks after him, just as sad. Nishiki is revealed to have been spying on them the entire time. He confronts Majima, furious and accusatory. He insists that he and Kiryu have been having an affair. Majima simply looks at him and shrugs. Nishiki screams for Majima to admit it, to admit that Kiryu loves him, has always loved him, this whole time. Majima only says that Nishiki knows Kiryu best. He will not confirm or deny anything Nishiki says. Shaken and stymied, Nishiki flees. 

We return to Kiryu’s balcony, where he sits, silent and pale. Nishiki storms in and begins to berate Kiryu with his accusations. He is half-mad now, not seeming to hear Kiryu’s denials. Kiryu professes over and over that only Nishiki is his husband, that he loves only Nishiki. Nishiki cannot accept this as true. Nishiki screams that Kiryu ought to ask him for a divorce. Kiryu cannot claim to want a divorce. He gave his word. Nishiki reveals that he had been watching them in the cafe, that he knows all, the secret contents of Kiryu’s heart. Kiryu manages some resistance at last and asks Nishiki for proof. What proof of his indiscretions? What proof of adultery? What has Kiryu done that has angered his husband-brother so? 

Nishiki has none. Kiryu has not done anything wrong, not in word, not in act. Whatever thoughts he might accuse Kiryu of having are ephemeral and will never be real. Still... Nishiki saw how they looked together and his heart was sore. He knows he has stolen Kiryu from what was rightfully his. Moved to regret, Nishiki withdraws the vial of poison again. 

Kiryu gasps and tries to prevent his brother. 

Nishiki swallows the poison quickly, insisting this will set things right, this will free his brother. He says he did it for love. He falls. 

Kiryu collapses next to him, sobbing. 

The final scene is Nishiki’s funeral. Kiryu kneels next to his brother’s grave, all in black. He sings of his regrets, of his sorrow. Majima stands close by, but still not touching. He does not look at the grave, only at Kiryu. His broken love song is the last thing we hear. 

The End. 

...this opera was a tragedy ^^; 

[queerlyhalloween]

Not to sound like the joker™️ but i hate western society. I know that hair and clothes aren't gendered, so do most of my mates, ive been working hard at unlearning the internalized transphobia that's just a part of being trans in the UK and actually ALLOWING myself to think about going on hormones and dressing in ways other than "ambigious as possible" despite the fact im non-binary

i grew myself a little mullet because ive not been working in the pub and wanted solid snake hair, ive allowed myself to look at my face and the long hair around it and not despair because i know that longer hair doesn't make me a woman, but the moment you go into a shop, or get takeaway or pass by people in the street its all "move out the way of this lady!" and "thank you, ma'am"

i dont want the gender option of 'other' on my ID i want to know 1 good reason why gender should be listed on an ID in the 1st place

ive just come back from the range and i had my hair up like some e-thot fuckboy, i had to go BACK to the range because they got my click and collect order wrong so ive got two members of staff looking over my order, im dressed in black jeans and a black masc-looking ripped shirt, mask covering half my face and as the manager's showing the kid who served me the receipt they go "oh I served that guy earlier" and the manager corrects them "its a lady". I say "im niether" and they both just stare at me like im a toddler. Im already panicking because the air feels the same way it did when some cunt came after me in the pub toliets. "dont worry about it :)" i say, they both turn back to the tills and completely ignore me.

Anyway, micro-aggressions, ive experienced a lot of them for many reasons over the course of my life and today ive decided to snap.

Not at the people in the range like, just in general.

I will never pass. That's just an element of trans euphoria i will never get to experience. Not right off the bat, anyway. Not where i live, and most likely not in my lifetime. Maybe for kids in LA or Brighton, and hey power to you guys man im happy for you, but people assume or guess m/f when they look at me and they will never get it right.

So when i see people on this site try and twitter etc rank "who's the most oppressed"™️ like a godamn smash bros tier list it blows my mind because of all the things you could spend your days doing thats what youre expending energy on?!

You could be the exact same age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, you could have the exact same disabilities, mental health conditions and money in your bank as another person on this site and you'd still never understand what they've been through. Our experiences, our families, our morals and lives are always gonna be different and the moment you try to write definitive rules on whose got it worse you've already lost and you're already wrong. Oppressed classes are not a fucking hivemind and pretending they are is only going to cause you more problems. I get the strong sense that some of you looked at the word intersectionality, went "ah yeah, i know what that means" having never read up on the matter, then proceeded to play the pain olympics.

And its creating a culture where kids feel the need to spills their souls online to justify living their lives!

You've not listed your disabilites in your bio so you're able-bodied. You're Irish but haven't listed your race so you're white. You're cis man so you've never played with gender and suffered as a result. You're asexual so clearly you're a cringeworthy baby who's never experienced a wrong-doing in their life.

The reverse is true too, if you list every aspect of yourself then you're automatically honest. The more opressed you are the less likely you are of causing harm to others. Psht, don't have a carrd in this day and age? What are you, a fraud? cishet white man playing make believe? Post a selfie or face the wrath of ozymandaus. What's privacy? It takes me 3 minutes to read the bio on this discourse side-blog so clearly they're an angel.

my mam abused me for years, she did the same to my brother when i left home at 18 and my dad drank himself to death. My nan, his mother, never believed me because my mam's a disabled woman with a lot of trauma, and at 14 how do you explain to the woman who takes you to the beach that it's WORSE because as she's beckoning you to the side of her bed so she can scream point blank in your face, or hit you, you're never truely sure, you're thinking about running away because of course she physically can't chase you but she can throw. And then where would you go if you did buggar off?

"You have to sleep sometimes" she used to say to me when I'd piss her off. Other days she told me horror stories about kids in care, and disabled people having their kids taken away, made me promise that I'd always love her and always be her baby, and I'd do that for her because she's my mam, she'd be satisfied then ignore me for a while. I grew up thinking that was entirely normal until i'd tell funny family stories at school and nobody would laugh. The closest I got to truely running away was when I changed my name and pronouns and her rejection, turned to vitriol one night and I so, so, nearly held a knife to my throat and simply fell forwards in the uni showers. Obviously I didn't do that.

But she's had a shitter life than me thus far so she's in the right, as the online black/white dichotomy states. I keep her at arm's length but I'm unable to cut her away without losing the rest of my family because I dared defy the role of eldest child and care for her as I've done my whole life, as is expected.

we need to take things on a case by case basis, and learn when stuff is none of our business.

"Hey! :) I see you've reclaimed (X) slur, without submitting the proper paperwork. Real quick tell me every trauma you've ever experienced or I'll write a callout post :) delete this anonymous message (as is your right) and i'll assume you as sus ❤"

you can only call yourself a dyke if on your 13th birthday, the moon's tender rays struck you through your bedroom window and gave you your first wet dream about girls.

Great, cool. I have no interest in calling myself a dyke, i cant call myself a lesbian because it makes me dysphoric, thats why im queer, but i can assure you that when 3 kids from catholic school pinned me under the bridge and threatened to cut me open for being a "dirty dyke tramp" they didn't play 20Qs with me first to check that i was actually a lesbian.

if your first thought is "well thats just misdirected homophobia, so youre not ACTUALLY a victim" log the fuck off and consider what's wrong with you. Because all our oppressors care about is sniffing out the wrong on you and beating it out, they dont care what breed of wrong it is.

so you're going to spend your day, the enlightened adult that you are, frothing at the mouth because some 15yr old dared call themselves butch despite them being OnLY a BiSexUAl? You're gonna say that trans woman deserves to be suicidal because yes she may be trans BUT she's from the UK, so clearly she loves her horrid country and government. You're gonna say that black lad deserves racial abuse because he's trying to focus on his studies rather than go to protests. That 19yr old who's living in poverty deserves it because they work for Amazon. Texans deserve to freeze to death because there are republicans in Texas.

You're going to harass a complete stranger coming to terms with the parts of themselves society has taught them are worthless at best because they're not doing it the way YOU think is right.

This post has not ended where I started it but I really dont care:

Some of you are so fucking desperate to be the bullies you never got to be in secondary school and it shows. But you're cowards. You can't just admit you want to divide and concur so you do it in a new woke way and when your time on this earth is done, you'll have commited the same pain that's been dealt to you and wonder why you died miserable in a world thats more or less the same.

okay to reblog but dont @ me for a debate because i have, like, real problems and will just block you

[definedbywhatilove]

seven months

hey taylor! this is a little story of my journey since the last time that i let you in to my inner world... its been seven months...(feels like 20 lifetimes of growth) and two months since I moved to California and one week since I left my grandest, most divine partner in L.A to continue my journey of self discovery, self awareness, self love, and self soverignty... and i wanted to mention something important to you -- a sign, an invisable string if you will. since i was a kid, your music always followed me and described my life experiences. as i began a deep journey of self understanding, i went away from the reality that i knew (much alike your time to yourself, away from the media) last oct/november. and i let myself fall deeply, and madly in love. you know the love i'm talking about. the red love. the deeply open and vulnerable heart love, despite all past burns to the heart. the one you write poetry and songs about. i know you feel deeply self worth inside. i know that you relyed on guys to help fill that void. same as me. same as so many beautiful woman out there. giving our hearts away.. loving so damn red. but loving so: fearlessly. bravely. courageously. vulnerably. openly. you can't regret a thing, can you? and the months piled up. nine months december 27 he came to Christmass dinner ten months january 27 this is... love eleven months febuary 27 this is home 1 year march 27 this is the 1 three days after, my life came crashing down. i wake up to coughing. masks. fear. my house turned into a graveyard a grounds of fear, pain, suffering sickness. not me. her. my dads partner. someone who i thought, in my own ego, i despised. in that moment, i knew i loved. two hours. it was less than two hours that i packed two suitcases, and a heavy backpack full of everything that mattered to me. i had practised this before. countless nights isoltated in my room, pretending to pack to run away. really considering running away. but never running. it was a blur. i don't remember much. a message to stay, but the knowingness that it was my time to leave. one last goodbye. no hug. a promise. with my father. knowing he would get sick. knowing that my father, my Rock, my stable Father could very evidently get sick and die. was this a goodbye forever? i didn't know but i left. i had to leave. by some greater plan from God, or whoever is orchestrating this magical universe, my partner moved to my city by chance through the winter and I went to him. i moved in; my heart afraid of moving in with somebody that i love because love had only ever hurt me. i moved in with my partner and allowed my dad the space to go through his own conscious awakening. thirteen months WILL HE DIE? i prayed everyday. i surrendered. i released the outcome. i surrendered to my partner and the relationship and accepted a deeper love than i have ever experienced during this time. i started my business. really, started my business. i started it in december but I didn't really know if I would ever get to see my dad again. through the fall and winter he provided for me whilst i recovered from being sick [reoccuring during fall/winter, peak in sept. same thing i felt during my journey in 2018]. how will i live as an adult on my own? provide for myself? what if he dies? i make my first 2k month. i surrender to love. i meet nature. fourteen months i called him for the first time. my dad. it was so painful to hear him speak. he was still sick. i began to slowly give grounded, healing advice. affirmations. colors. introduced the law of attraction. helping him know that his physical body was sick because his mind was sick of negativity. i move into my first apartment with my partner. its beautiful. he pays the rent. i get the entire room, he takes the living room. i was provided for. i continued my business. i held strong visions of travelling with my partner before the lease was up in august. it was my lifelong dream. i prayed for my dad and his partner. sitting in nights of fear and pain. letting go. trusting. rebuilding. health. NATURE. LOVE. date nights. park visits. lake visits. fifteen i saw my dad and his partner! in person! june 6, the first time since march 30. i went with my partner. i was nervous. i also get to see my cat ~~ who has always had siezures, that got even worse when they were sick... who i also had to let go of, not knowing if would survive.. but did! i gave him healing crystals. healing tips. love. hope. he opened. my dad whos heart was closed cracked open. i had never seen this mans heart open since i was a little child before my mom broke his heart. he left his job, you know. when i was a kid i was neglected for that job. one that i had to go to school too many times when i didn't feel because of. one that kept him gone late nights once a week. one that drained him. but the job that supported me physically and financially through my entire life. the job that helped give me a good life ~ his time and energy he gave into this job to provide for his daughter. he realized what it was doing to him. he realized, taylor. he realized. he got a new job. two hours away, a small county on the lake. a chance to start over. leave the karmic city he lived in. he also began to feel his emotions from what happened with the trauma of my mother. this was a miracle. a miracle. a miracle. and so, he would move away... starting his new job during the sixteenth month of this journey, july 13 i know at this point i will be travelling soon and leaving anyways, but could not leave my dad... and so the universe had him leave to set me free. i spent the rest of the month knowing he would move away, and likely i would too. but where? i saw him many times. gave him reiki too. we all went to the cottage together, him, his partner, me, and mine. summer solstice. peace. love. sixteen months i released all of my limitations. i chose love, abundance, freedom, health, bliss. i released my dad, my cat, my childhood home... [never grow up describes this situation]... a 21st birthday, really, a goodbye to my family... i booked a plane ticket. a month and a week to California. knowing, that it would be longer than that one month and a week. myself and my partner. one carry on and personal item. my self soverignty. my dreams. my abundance [first five figure month!!!] i left taylor. i left behind the city i always lived in to follow my dreams and passion. i'm living in my dream location. mountains. forests. lakes. a sacred site in Nor Cal. a childhood dream, if you will. a new life begins the night before i leave i see that you had an album out. folklore. i didn't know, because i had been going through so much stuff within my life that anything that happened online was not present in my life. i listened to caridgan for a few seconds. didn't feel right. i let you go...[knowing, like always, your music will come to me at the exact right time] i got on the plane. three layovers. an overnight train. i begin my new life on the mountain. begin again. seventeen months i am not the same. i have grown. i have healed. my time in the mountain has been the most groundbreaking, expansive, philisophical, healing time of my entire life. feeling like one month was twenty lifetimes of healing and growth. healing all of my childhood wounds, fears, pains. being of service in my business, providing healing for over 55 people. but... it was here where it started to break apart. that one last thing. i let go of the home. the cat. the family. the stuff. there was 1 more thing to let go of... eighteen months kyle, was his name you know. and of course, when we are hurt we go into the victim mindset right away. it is instinct. predetor and prey. it is conditioned into us. this time, after completing a cycle of 3 relationships of emotional manipulation, disrespect, not being loved the way i loved... i took full ownership for it. for manipulating MYSELF. for disrespecting MYSELF. for not loving MYSELF the way I love another. thats when the relationship healing and karma happens. when you take complete ownership for your own mistreatment knowing that this person was simply a mirror of the own hate, anger, and fear you have about yourself. it happened on september 2nd, under the full moon. it started, anyways. i was called to l.a out of Nor Cal. With him. and we Went. This is where the fun part starts, the intention behind this entire story but we're only getting to it right now because of course, I am a writer. The main message has to be supported by a story, right? on september 6th, we had a midnight train. i wanted to listen to music to help me release leaving the city i was living in in Nor Cal, cuz I had grown fairly attached to it. cardigan came into my life. [which i realize as i am writing this and listening to it, the version i have always listened to is the cabin one,... which I am just seeing you realeased on my birthday!!!! july 30th. how interesting] it fell into place this night. and i was meant to hear it now; your music has always been like a spirit guide to me. always a message when i need it. we had a midnight train. my partner got a nosebleed on the way...[stepping on the last train, marked me like a blood stain...] i knew in my heart we would be breaking up... the day before the flight to l.a, the day before the fires, i knew we would be breaking up in l.a. the night that invisable strings was introduced into my life, via my dear soul friend Emma. i knew that this song spoke of my memories and experiences with l.a. l.a was always a place for me to find self empowerment, bravery, and self worth. being the place that i endured my first break up in, l.a taught me self love. i knew that an invisable string was bringing me back to l.a, and really... back to [myself]. despite knowing what was to happen, i held myself through the flight to l.a. it's not like we officially broke up that day, but i knew going on this flight that since i was facing my biggest fears in real life that i would be about to experience my fear of being alone. i flew the day that san fransisco was orange. tiny little 13 row plane. deep fear of planes. in a moment of deep intuition and love, i opened my heart to hold space for the people on the plane that were also terrified of the fires and landing somewhere that was orange. holding people, holding space, through what could be seen on an Earthly scale as a trauma. moving past my own fears and negative thoughts and holding the emotions of love and safety. it was a big moment for me. i listened to invisable strings dyuring the plane ride. and two days later was when my fire happened. september 11 is when we officially broke up.. when i chose to stand up for myself, for my own love + respect, when i knew that i had to leave a toxic and co-dependent relationship... you know, i thought a tsunami was going to happen that day or something and i was going to die. i literally thought this was what was going to happen; but the death that happened was not physical, but the death of a relationship. we were in l.a until the 18th, in the same apartment, trying our best to go through our breakup while living with eachother. still getting groceries together [chasing shadows in the grocery line]... i could barely function. i know you know what co-dependent relationships can get like. beginning to function on your own without the love from them is hell. [cue. this is me trying] having a hard time adjusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! letting go of this love. knowing i need to leave. we were in l.a until the 18th, in the same apartment, trying our best to go through our breakup while living with eachother. still getting groceries together [chasing shadows in the grocery line]... the ocean took me down; pulled my knee out. the day after telling my partner i need to do everything on my own and we be completely separate whilst living in this apartment together for at least a week. knowing we likely would stay till oct.my bodies way of still needing to rely on him. coping mechinisms. breakdowns. [pouring my heart out to a stranger, but i didn't pour the whiskey...] (This lyric. After my first relationship, I turned to alcohol. I got very dependent on this, and this runs in my family. It took me until a significant event at a party in 2017 for me to stop, i know you know what i mean. So it was a big deal for me, despite all temptations, to not turn to alcohol). i knew i had to leave l.a our host was offering us to stay until oct 1. i was 100% sure i was, despite living in the apartment with kyle, through breakup [not your typical i hate u breakup tho, one of deep love and mutual, conscious respect and love for eachother] going to stay. esp with how my body was, and my knee. and... if i went back home to Nor Cal, I knew i'd be going alone. And I knew my partner couldn't financially sustain himself at the time to stay anywhere other than back home. I knew he would have to quarentine for 14 days. I knew that by making this decision I would be completely cut off from him. i went to cancel our flight back to Nor Cal. 34 hours before. i was going to stay and stay in a place with a man who didn't have enough self love and worth yet to be able to love me properly. and then it happened. continue to financially support him. continue to love him uncontiionally. and then... sept 16 11:30pm the last excuse. the last invalidation. the last disrespect. the last act of hatred. the last act of emotional manipulation. the last time the gas light would ever turn on. i do not cancel my flight. i walked away. i chose myself. i messaged everybody that i knew to ask for help and support. i knew that this would be the hardest thing I ever had to do. i had to walk away from whom i know on a soul level to be my husband. i know. i know. i know. i know when we have both healed we will come back together in harmonious union; our relationship was all about growing. but it was time to grow apart, in order to grow back together with a stable individual foundation. the last day was magic. it was a new moon. santa monica beach. sunset. shopping. swimming. we allowed ourself to have a night of love. we knew that this was at the basis of our connection; true, undying, eternal, uncondtional love. we will always love each other in a deeper way than can be described in words. no painting, song, piece of poetry could describe this love. and it was painful. painful to love so deeply and openly and vulnerabily, knowing that come 6am I would be headed to the airport It was the most open and vulnerable I have ever been. Allowing myself to openly love so deeply despite knowing what was to come in just some short hours. I really poured my heart out. I opened up. I was vulnerable. I was my true self. And it was one of the best nights of my life, September 17th in Santa Monica, under the New Moon. we stayed up together all night holding each other. sharing a few last kisses. talking about our favourite memories each month of our relationship [i know they said the end was near...] we didn't sleep all night. the alarm went off, 4:50am. time to go. i packed everything the night before. i tied up my lose ends. we held eachother deeply. the final alarm went off, 5:10am. the pink sunrise in the uber on the way to the airport. the way that he didn't cancel his flight to go through security with me. not getting a coffee to spend every last second with him. and we sat in the airport and cried our hearts out. holding each other. crying. in front of anyone who cared to see. knowing one hour before boarding i had to take myself to the bathroom so that i could cry and prepare myself to fly [note: hopefully the airport worker knew we were gunna be okay] 7:48am, i knew the alarm was going to go off in two minutes. i take my power back and stand up, turning the alarm off. i said i have to go now or I will not get on the flight. i tell him he needs to walk away first. i can't do it. no. i'll feel abandoned. i have to be the one. i hugged him. one time. i said goodbye. i wished him well. i told him i love him. i put my backpack on. i get my stuff together. one last hug... one last kiss... and i pulled away. i walked away from the man that i know one day will be my husband and the father to my children to follow my own path of self discovery and worth and love. of healing. walking up to the airline worker, telling her my partner would not be coming on the flight with me. "okay, Miss, i will remove him from your party and from the flight," i held myself together. i did. the best i could. good thing i didn't sleep because that kept me at least less emotional and breaking down than i thought i would be. "now boarding flight xxxx to Sacramento, boarding rows 10-13..." i got myself on the plane. i couldn't believe i was doing this. how am i doing this? i knew when i sat in my seat and the plan began to prepare for departure, that i was completing a cycle of three. a cycle of relationship karma that began with my first, where we broke up on my birthday, 2016 in l.a... completing a cycle where i base my worth on another person, depend on another person, allow myself to get walked over... it was done. i asked that when i took off into the sky from the plane, the perfect line of the perfect song was playing... when i first had my breakup in l.a 2016, i was at a play to support my friend and actress. in this play, she sang a song called brave. this song, and message, got me through my first breakup. she was my rock and i swear the reason i made it through the night of that. l.a 2018, she wrote brave for a tattoo for me. we stopped talking for a while; i learned to be brave for myself. l.a 2020, the moment the plane takes off of the ground... [wool to BRAVE the seasons...] the moment you sang brave; the plane took off. a rush of feeling so proud for myself. knowing i chose me. knowing i chose a journey of self love. knowing i chose a journey of self worth. knowing i chose a journey of self empowerment. i sit here in my soul sister's apartment whilst she is cross-country, writing this. one week after i got back to Nor Cal. One week since my entire life shifted. And I am in the journey. The journey to self love, confidence, worth, empowerment, etc is not just a destination. There is a journey behind it all. It happens to contain a lot of crying. A lot of feeling. Some music. Friends. Good food. A warm coffee from the local coffee shop. Candles. Insence. Journal(S). Rest. Yoga. Meditation. Qigong. Reiki. Fuzzy socks. Oversized fluffy sweaters. Soft blankets. Stuffed animals. Books. Singing bowls. Love. And so, this is where I am. September 25th, seven months later. Wow. Writing this journey out and putting it on paper really makes me feel some things. It makes me feel fucking empowered. It makes me feel strong. It makes me feel brave. It makes me feel fearless. It makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel authentic. And with all authenticity, I had to be authentic with myself when I began to write this. Your music has been that constant. I have said it before, and I will say it again. Everything has always left my life but your music has always stayed. Your music has always found me in the right time in the right place. It has always supported me. You have always supported me. I was thinking back today, in a state of elevated joy allowing myself to feel happy that I got the opportunity to meet you through my life journey so far. And that... us meeting had to mean something. There is an invisable string there. There has to be a reason that during all of this your music was there for me. There has to be a reason it came to me in the time that it did. There is a reason for everything. So I write this, with a prayer that you will see this, but a surrender to the knowingness that what is meant to happen is going to happen. Also, a surrender to if anybody actually reads this! This is who I am, raw, vulnerable, authentic. I will always speak my truth, share my journey, and love Taylor Swift. Don't we all? Taylor, if you are reading this... from my soul to yours; thank you. thank you. thank you. seriously, for what you give up to be able to spread these messages via your music in such a global way. i completely see and understand what you have given up to do this. i love you. i love you. i love you. thank you for seeing me. thank you for hearing me. thank you for acknowledging me. thank you for validating me. thank you for loving me. see you next update, your friend Sarah.

[thebattlelost]

"The Best Of Times"

"Tonight's the night we'll make history, honey, you and I

And I'll take any risk to tie back the hands of time

and stay with you here tonight

I know you feel these are the worst of times

baby I know, you wouldn't have to cry

I do believe it's true

When people lock their doors and hide inside

Rumor has it it's the end of Paradise

But I know, if the world just passed us by

The best of times are when I'm alone with you

some rain some shine, we'll make this a world for two

our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime

We'll take the best, forget the rest

And someday we'll find these are the best of times

These are the best of times

I do believe it's true"

Styx

Charles Dickens wrote "It was the best of times,

it was the worst of times" but to tell the truth of the

matter for me, it seemed anyways that it was nothing

more than time, a time that was filled with chaos and so much

confusion and of course cha cha changes when your

friendships, some that even went back as far preschool

and or kindergarten would start to become something

slightly different, as everyone started growing up graduated

and then started moving on to what we call the real life

becoming so called adults in a world that had a hell of

alot more questions than it did answers to give, then having

to make those decisions about college the military, starting

families making new friends or loosing old ones becoming just

a mixed up menagerie of broken and fractured memories

of our past, almost like chapters in a book that were

ending with brand new ones beginning'' in a world that

was so much different then the one we had all grown up

in, one that was harsher, colder, less caring, less God-

fearing, more hateful, and spiteful in fact it was down

right terrifying. Down here on this planet that we call

earth which is the third planet from the sun, that revolves

along its axis every twenty-four hours or what we call

a day, all the while revolving around the sun that takes

three hundred sixty five days or one year, which does

not sound all that very long at all except that when you

think about it and relizes that an average human only

lives up to seventy nine years meaning we only get that

many spins to get it right or to find the meeting of life,

or why it is we are really here. Even Einstein said its

become appallingly clear technology has surpassed

our Humanity and that is very sad, which brings us back

to the beginning of at least this prose, for my generation

was one of the last to know and truly understand what

"friendship" really means, all of those connections we made

are ones that will last a life time because we had

the time to spend and the energy to cultivate and feed

and grow, using our bicycles skateboards and playgrounds and most of all real life

communication in a language that seems to be dying

out going extinct called get this actually talking face to face,

everyday, and night, for

days, weeks, months, and years through laughter and

tears the real kind not electronically recorded sound

boards or stupid smiley or poop emoji

standing around

not making a sound staring down at a phone no, we

were bonded by laws of the sacred street light where

if you were not in by the time they came on the parent militia

would be released as you dodged the neighbors trying to

capture you giving you an ass whooping as you were trying

to find your way home each taking turns spanking your butt

with a wooden spoon or hair brush or scolding you then

when you are hand delivered to the warden, your mother

where you hear the dreaded phrase "Just wait until your father

gets home" thats when it went silent not a sound and all

your friends cringed knowing what was coming then

sneaking candy or sodas to make sure you survived

the ordeal and that my friends is love. yes real

tangible love the kind I have been searching for my

entire life trying to get back wanting to feel that once again.

Love is not just between a man and a woman or wife and husband or even boyfriend and girlfriend, it is

between those who will open their doors at three am without a

question why, those who have cried with you, laughed

when you shaved your eybrows off accidently, or when

you lost your dog or cat, fell off the swing lost your

diamond ring, called your parents Mr. and Mrs or

just plain mom and dad, all of those friends who made

the effort to actually physically either walked, rode their

bike, skateboard, or scooter all the way across town

just to say hello, and not just call, text, or have their

assistant send an email that is what love is all about,

it is sad nowadays who they call a friend for the people

you meet today may indeed call themselves friends and

they might or might not stick around for just a little

bit but there is a difference and it is all superficial at that

because if you ever needed help for any reaon or were

running from the cops and I do not mean you just killed

somebody because you would not be a good friend

dragging them in the middle of that or you just needed

someone to talk too at four am in the morning the first

ones that come into my mind are those that have already

been there with me through good and the bad, happiness

and being sad, had a bed ready and beer whenever

any and the many breakups I have had just appeared.

But enough of that I think you get the picture and if you

do not then I feel sorry for you because your probably a narcissist

who do not even know how to love themselves

or even worse, just a scourge to humanity anyways run

As fast and far as you can away from them, so in

closing I would like to say I love you to class of nineteen eighty-four

and all the others before and after who know the true meaning of

friendship and love and all the hardwork that goes into

making both work, and any and all of you who ran the

street light gauntlet trying to get to the house before

your father got home and bear the marks of a belt whopping

given by the neighbors when you ran from mom, or

playing with me in the park until dark, pitching

quarters at school, buns up at lunch, even walking

home or taking the school bus,

ditching class to

go to zuma beach, driving around smoking Marijuana,

Skiing down a hill at Mountain High first thing

in the morning, taking a hike in the hills around

White Face, putting out fires in October as the winds

tricked or treated us. All of those memories I will never forget

reminding me of a very short moment of time that God had

given me when I was so very happy I had the chance to

experience in my life because all of those friends that I

made back then are and will be my

friends until the

very end and to those friends who we have already

lost to God up in heaven just know you will never be

forgotten, so just know I have made the spin around the

sun more then half my lifespan and shall soon follow you

down the path you have taken to be your friend once again.

Rumor has it it's the end of Paradise

But I know, if the world just passed us by

The best of times are when I'm alone with you

some rain some shine, we'll make this a world for two

our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime

We'll take the best, forget the rest

And someday we'll find these are the best of times

These are the best of times

I do believe it's true"

Styx

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.

A Poet's Journey

A Texas Poet Laureate Nominee 2016 - 2022

[campchitaquamemories]

What are your top 10 Queliot moments?

Nonny, thank you so much for waiting patiently for this one! 

I was just going to write out a list (after I got done being EXTREMELY stumped because- you expect me to just pick 10??! Rude.) but then I realized that I just hit 600 followers (what?!), and I wanted to do something a bit more to say thank you to all of you for putting up with me while I’m on my bullshit. So I went back through my favorite episodes and made some gifs for you, too! 

Here you go. Hope you like it!!

Gigi’s Top 10 Queliot Moments (YMMV):

10. This is from 1x03, Consequences of Advanced Spellcasting, and… it’s such a great breathing space. This whole episode, the Eliot + Quentin sideplot to retrieve the book was a delight, and it only happened because Eliot is so far gone on this boy. He could have taken literally any of the Physical Kids with him, but no, he’s got a crush on the super cute nerd that just moved in and so it HAS to be Q that comes with him. Eliot is highkey flirting with Quentin here, both as emotional support, and - I will maintain until my dying day - if Kady hadn’t blown the hinges off that door he was planning to make a move on Q that afternoon.

9. I have so many feelings???? This is from 2x01, Knight of Crowns. Things are complex interpersonally between the whole gang right now, but out of everyone parting ways with Eliot, Q is who we get to see saying goodbye. Eliot is actually high king now, and he’s not any less depressed, or damaged emotionally or mentally. It didn’t immediately fix him like he wanted (much like how magic didn’t immediately fix Quentin, but that’s a meta for another time), and now he’s staring down being all that and an unknown future ruling this frankly odd kingdom (from books he apparently never bothered to read? El, baby. SMH.) potentially for the rest of his life without his friends. The two of them are so tender, Q initially leaning against Eliot to provide support, and then he doesn’t hesitate even a moment when Eliot asks for a hug. What at that point could be the very last hug he ever gets from Quentin in this lifetime. There is such a depth of feeling here between the two of them and I’m so glad the show gave us this (in S2! I’m!).

8.  1x11, Remedial Battle Magic. Look at our babies and how happy they are?! I know they’re drunk on wine and emotions and about to seriously fuck their friendships up, but have they ever gotten a moment to breathe and be happy in each other’s presence since this? They haven’t. It’s been arguments and recriminations and quests and beasts and averting world-ending disasters since they woke up from this night. So I treasure this moment of soft smiles and touches (even Margo, I am not opposed to Marqueliot in this list at all). And of course, the threesome it is leading up to, and all of the implications and interpretations of that night that they take forward into the series with them.

7. “I’m trying to tell you, you are not alone here.” From 1x02, The Source of Magic, this bonding scene has always felt very profound to me. These two boys have literally known each other, what, less than a week now? And here is Eliot “feelings are for other people” Waugh, opening up about his past traumas to try and connect with Quentin. The only other person we’ve ever seen him do this with is Mike - Eliot’s other love interest - and we know he told Margo during their Trials. This is Q confessing his biggest fear - that if he loses magic, he will lose his tenuous hold on his mental health - and Eliot reciprocating that confession: inducting Q into the very, very select circle of Eliot’s confidantes. This is each of them accepting some measure of comfort from the presence and understanding of the other, and a moment that underpins their entire relationship from this moment forward.

6. I’m cheating with this one, but I wanted to show both sides of this dynamic, and Quentin and Eliot have not had a chance to fight for their relationship together in the main timeline yet, so these will have to work for now. The first gif is from 4x06, A Timeline and Place, and the second is from 3x13, Will You Play With Me? It’s so, so important to see these moments - even if our boys are dumb and they don’t start fighting until the very last second - when they are willing to lay down everything, and burn down the world for each other. Quentin will NOT let the Monster kill Eliot’s body, and Eliot will NOT let Quentin throw away his future to play jailer to a sociopathic child-god. When push comes to shove, they will choose each other every time. Now if we could only get them to do that when the stakes aren’t life and death, am I right?

5. Another moment from 2x01, Knight of Crowns. This coronation scene is just… Remember that they are fractured leading up to this: we’re coming right off of the fall out from the threesome, and Eliot has been spiraling for episodes now. But then we get this super tender declaration from Quentin: “So, destiny is– it’s bullshit…. For what it’s worth, I think you’re going to be a really good king.” And Eliot’s eyes just, light up, his whole face lifts. Because here is someone who believes in him, wholly and truly. Even after everything they just fucked up together, and separately, Q (someonee good and true) has faith in Eliot, and it’s infectious. They’re both looking at each other here like no one else exists in the world, like nothing is important in this moment except each other. And thats?? Beautiful?!

4. I fucking love this shot. Q kicking over those tiles and then saying “Oops.” is a whole-ass mood. Okay, so this is obviously from 3x05, A Life in the Day, and I could easily have made and entire top 10 list of JUST moments from this sequence because it’s all SO AMAZING. The beauty of all life, amiright? But this moment is so important to me. Making a conscious choice, every day to choose this quest and choose each other takes a toll. Ask anyone you know who’s been in a committed relationship for years. Sometimes it’s just fucking hard. They’ve been at this for so long that their clothes from Earth (which, I’ll remind you, they were still wearing at their 1 year anniversary) have worn thin, and they’re wearing traditional Fillorian garb. This was supposed to be over years ago, but they’re still going.  And Q is struggling. And Eliot is struggling. And they argue, but neither of them walks away. I always have to stop and pause at this part of the episode, because this is so domestic and realistic that it makes me cry. And if I start crying here, I’m useless for the rest of the sequence once we get to Arielle and Teddy.

3. 1x01, Unauthorized Magic. So, so many people have talked about Q and El’s first meeting, how Eliot spread himself out on the Brakebills sign elegantly and Quentin’s one bisexual braincell shorted out to the point where, for a moment, he couldn’t even words. But I so rarely see people talk about this moment, when Quentin asks Eliot if he’s hallucinating. This look, right here, is so soft, and sweet. I’m sure Eliot gets hit on all the time, and he was 100% flirting with Quentin when he jumped off that sign and gave him an “I could eat you up” once over. But this is the moment Eliot decided that Margo needed to know about the cute new boy who thought Eliot was exactly the kind of person he would dream into existence, if he made those kinds of decisions. Right here. The beginning of it all.

2. Back to 3x05, A Life in the Day, and if you’re surprised this is my #2 moment you must be new here. This is a kiss that has been brewing for a long time. One not rooted in emotion bottles, and not one that can be passed off as being too drunk to know what you’re doing. Quentin sets his cup down, and starts to say something, but ends up finishing his thought with this kiss. It’s short, but not tentative, and Eliot is… look at his face. He’s surprised, because he’s pretty sure they fucked up their chances at this a season and a half ago. But Q is there and he’s not apologizing and he’s not panicking, and that gives Eliot the courage to reach out and pull Q back in. And for a little while, it’s not about the quest, it’s not about defeating a monster, it’s not about fixing anything they’ve fucked up. This is just about them. 

1. “Fifty years. Who gets that kind of proof of concept? Peaches and plums, motherfucker. I’m alive in here!” 4x05, Escape from the Happy Place.So, this scene is where I live now, my trashcan, if you will, with these dumb boys and their dumb faces. Eliot’s absolutely perfect timing, and his delight to see Quentin is just- Just beaming out of his face here. This is the first of many chances he’s going to have to set the record straight, and he does it with style. This was a declaration of love - peaches and plums - and one that only Eliot would be able to give, and only Quentin would be able to understand. Q has been so beat down and defeated this episode, like he’s walking through a world that has faded into black and white, but we can see the moment he understands and the light comes back into his eyes. “Eliot’s alive. He’s alive.”

Honorable mentions to: “I’m Team Eliot.”, “Could I maybe have Eliot back?”, “I find you, and I don’t say magic is real, but I do seduce you”, and the extended throne room scene from 3x05/4x05 - which only didn’t make the list because I couldn’t pick a single shot to slice up for a gif.

[immortalpramheda]

The 100 6x10 ‘Matryoshka’

Sanctum is on lockdown and the Primes are on the verge of morality, even more so now due to Kane’s sacrifice ensuring they cannot create Nightblood. After living for hundreds of years without the fear of death because there always the promise of another body someday. Now, the future is uncertain for these immortal beings.

With no time to grieve for a man she loved, Abby then finds out that her daughter is gone too. Slapping Murphy was partly anger at herself, for letting her addiction consume her when she should have been there for Clarke. But I don’t deny that Murphy somewhat deserved it. He did betray them and help the enemy. He did do the right thing in the end, but still, he was willing to help a psychopath who stole his friends body to prevent himself from going to hell.

It’s clear that after what Raven went through with Kane and Abby, it’s put things into perspective for her. She realises that she was aiming her anger and frustrations onto others unfairly. From seeing a brief glimpse of her reaction to finding out about Clarke’s death, it’s clear how much remorse she feels for being so caught up in her own feelings that she neglected to take anyone else into consideration.

Murphy's fears of dying are understandable but living forever is not the answer to avoid going to hell. Immortality is just avoiding the issue, morality means actively doing something to prevent it.

Russell’s biggest fear is the truth getting out. It could destroy Sanctum and all they’ve built. He was one who created this society by feeding them lies, making them sacrifice their loved ones for the illusion of these ‘gods’. They’re brainwashed into believing that it’s an honour to become one with the Primes, but really it means the end of their lives. They’re body snatchers, not gods and it’s a hard truth to swallow for the people who have never known anything else. Ultimately, once the people of Sanctum know the truth, that could be the key to bringing this society down for good.

Only four Primes are left now, until a null, Ty (who Ryker told the truth to earlier) kills another. He’s angered by the fact that he’s been lied to his entire life. He wants justice for his child and wife, who were given to the forrest as sacrifices, which he now knows was all for nothing. He kills Simone, and that crushes Russell. Before he was willing to be merciful, but now he wants to destroy all the people who have started to burn his world down.

Ryker seemed like he’d be an ally, until at the last minute he had a change of heart and knocked Echo out. As much as he wishes they weren’t, the Primes are his family. Now that there are so few left, and their future is uncertain, he decides to choose them over doing the right thing. He has shown to have doubts about their way of life, and was even the person who let Gabriel go. But at the end of the day, he still benefits from being a Prime, and it seems he’s not willing to give that up.

For a minute I thought all of the characters tied to the stakes were going to be burnt alive. I legit believed that the show might actually go through with killing them all. I saw no way out. But of course it’s Murphy who talks his way out of it. He suggests they could use bone marrow to make more Nightblood, just like Abby did to Clarke.

They all play along so they can live to see another day. Russell won’t allow them to experiment on a Prime, they’re too valuable. Madi will be the test subject.

Madi is another problem. She’s become a murder child possessed by a dark force, which is unsettling to see. She changed the passphrase so taking the Flame out is not an option. But, if Raven has Becca’s notebook and access to a computer, then she should be able to delete Sheidheda’s code and free the other Commanders who are trapped in the Flame somewhere. I originally thought Raven was going to be a part of saving Clarke, and that was how she’d make amends, but it seems like she’s going to be a part of saving Madi instead.

The Sanctum way of execution reminded me of when Madi saw a memory of Becca being burned alive by Cadogan. The Second Dawn cult was around when the Primes were back on Earth, and these two cults are both connected to Becca. There are too many similarities for it to be a coincidence. I think they must be connected somehow.

After Clarke has a seizure and blacks out, she wakes up back in her mindspace. Josephine’s memories are scattered all over the place. There is no door separating them anymore. Clarke quickly thinks of a plan before their brain completely deteriorates - float some of her memories to clear space.

Their mind is chaotic. More and more books litter the floor, with pieces of random memories spread all over the place. And there is no time, it all needs to be floated. They take cover in Clarke’s cell and it all disappears along with Josie.

“We can let the bad things that happen to us define who we are. Or we can define who we are.” Josephine has always let the things that have happened to her define her. She holds dearly onto every single memory throughout her many lifetimes and can’t let them go. It’s clear how hesitant she is when she doesn’t wants to leave a treasured memory of her and Gabriel. Without all of her memories, she fears she’ll be nothing.

Josie is self absorbed and seemingly incapable of feeling any kind of emotion or sympathy for anyone else. Except for love. That’s the most powerful emotion of all and it’s the one thing she can understand.

Blake siblings reunion! Loved the moment when Bellamy pulled his helmet off. Of course he came to save them. He’s reluctant to hug his sister, which is understandable. He doesn’t know the epiphany she’s come to. But it was a sweet moment none the less. And I’m sure they’ll be able to mend their relationship sooner or later.

“We’ve had our time. I have to let you go now.” Gabriel knows their time is over, and it’s time for someone else to have a chance to experience what they had.

When Josie’s mind drive is removed, she’s still in Clarke’s mind. She connected herself to the neural mesh and slashes Clarke’s throat with the same axe that her father used to kill her. But it’s when Gabriel mentions that the head needs to tell the heart to start beating again, when Bellamy knows what he needs to do.

“Clarke, I need you. Madi needs you.” Despite saying otherwise during the red sun, Bellamy can’t fathom the thought of living without her. Twice before, he believed she was dead and it almost destroyed him. This time, he won’t give up. He won’t lose her again.

The head and the heart. Bellamy gets through to her and Clarke gets the message. She kills Josephine and reclaims her body. It was through Bellamy’s love for her that literally brought her back to life. That scene was the most powerful profession of love that I’ve ever witnessed. It showed that Bellamy and Clarke cannot live without each other. It proved that love is not weakness.

I’ve seen some confusion about whether Josephine is gone for good. I was under the impression that the mind drive held a back up of her mind, meaning she still exists in there. The part that connected herself to the neural mesh was a copy and that is what Clarke destroyed. BUT since they started deleting memories and doing things you’re most definitely not supposed to do to a mind drive, it's very likely thats it’s corrupted. So I think there is probably a very broken version of Josephine still in the mind drive, but I’d say it’s unlikely we’ll see her again.

Absolutely incredible episode! The last five minutes were heart pounding and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I don’t really have much else to say other than I still cannot believe that this episode is actually real. It was better than I anything I could have hoped for.

Looking forward to seeing what the rest of the season has in store! I keep thinking I know where it’s heading and then it completely goes a different direction and exceeds my expectations. And I can’t wait for Bob’s episode next week!

[planetsam]

Malex! Alex & Rath

The war takes everything.

It’s a miracle they get to the point of peace discussions at all. For most of his adult life Alex has lived in the war. It started with people he thought he knew summoning a force he couldn’t understand. That night changed everyone’s lives. The medals on his chest often feel more like blood money than honors. They’re stained, tainted. Like his father loves to remind him he is. The loss of his leg sometimes feels like a penance. When the orders come that he will be involved in this desperate negotiation for peace, Alex thinks he knows why. But he doesn’t have it in him to refuse. Which is how he finds himself on the Antarian ship. The doors slide open soundlessly as he is escorted into the room, trying to remember every negotiating tactic he ever learned. He’s barely inside with time to strategize when another set of doors open and the Antarian general walks in.

Just like that, he’s seventeen, again, in an instant.

Michael doesn’t look the same and at the same time he does. He wears the Antar military uniform with much more obvious discomfort. Or maybe Alex is just able to read him still. The curls are the same. The scruff is new. He’s still lean where as Michael is stockier but in a way that makes Alex think they’d be matched if he still had both his legs. The pair of them regard each other, both realizing exactly what this is.

“General Rath,” Alex greets with all the formality he can muster for an alien who he made out with in a museum about aliens once upon a time.

“Hey Alex,” Michael drawls like they aren’t on opposite sides of a fucking war, “long time no see. You been busy?”

Fine. He can do this.

“Not as busy as you,” he says, “I’m not a General.”

“Genetics,” Michael says and doesn’t elaborate, “look at you making your daddy proud.”

Alex rolls his eyes at the jab.

“Your last air raid missed him by half a mile,” he says.

“Too bad,” Michael replies, smiling in a way that does not make Alex’s stomach flip flop, “lets get this parent trap shit over with and save your planet,” he says nodding to the table.

Alex sits as smoothly as he can but he’s not great with the prosthetic when he’s trying to hide it. Antarian’s are supposed to have unparalleled healing. But when he glances at Michael’s hand, he sees it’s still mangled and twisted. When he looks up he sees Michael watching him. Alex gives him a questioning look and Michael shrugs.

“Chicks dig scars,” he drawls and Alex agrees with him suddenly.

They need to get this over with.

As fast as possible.

“What the hell, Max?!”

Max waves off the court and clears the room. He still thinks of himself as Max but only two people on the planet call him that. That number is about to be cut in half if the look on Michael’s face is anything to go by. Michael is either going to kill him or never speak to him again. Max holds still and waits for the fury to hit him.

“Alex?!” He demands, “you sent me to negotiate with him?”

“It was my idea,” Isobel says breezing in.

“What the hell, Iz?!” Michael continues, turning towards her.

There’s always been something more polished about her and she’s slid more easily into royal life than any of them. Max has followed but then again, maybe looking emotionally constipated is half the job anyway. Michael’s seen those royals from England. And lastly there’s him. He’s hated earth his entire life, was planning a way to get off the planet when they got found. So there’s an almost vicious irony to him being the one whose has the hardest time adjusting. Or maybe it’s just the fact that Jesse Manes has made him loathe everything the military stands for and he’s come to a planet where he’s some kind of genetically bred super solider.

“What’s the point of peace if you’re miserable on both worlds?” She asks and Michael rolls his eyes. Of course she would equate two worlds with something as stupid as his happiness.

“I don’t know, Iz, millions of lives?”

“Motivation,” she says.

“How were we engaged again?” He demands.

“Dumb luck,” Isobel says, “can’t be so lucky every lifetime.”

“General Rath,” Alex greets. Michael scowls  before smoothing it over with a grin he wants to kiss off his face, “I hope you don’t find this inconveniencing.”

“Not at all, Colonel Manes” Michael says, “i hope you don’t mind holding my hand in public.”

Alex bits back the urge to reply. The photo-op is important and security is tight. As a show even the Antarians are going through the metal detector. Alex thinks it’s ridiculous but he gets the optics. The general public doesn’t know about the Evans’ family vacation to italy that one summer or Michael’s dizzying array of foster homes he’d flown between. Michael nods towards the sign.

“Don’t forget to take out your keys.”

“I’m not going to forge—“ Alex cuts off before he fully replies. Michael does not get to get under his skin like this so easily. The guard waves him through and the thing goes off. He hears Michael chuckle and wishes very badly he was right. “I have a prosthetic,” he says to the guard and feels the tension ramp up.

“I need to scan it,” he says and Alex nods, remembering the world is at stake. He takes the chair and releases the vacuum seal, sliding the leg off with a metallic click. The guard takes it and Alex fights for as long as he can until he meets Michael’s gaze, “sir—“

He’s apparently alone in his care about the world because Michael crosses the detector and comes in front of him.

“When?” He demands and Alex is surprised at the fury in his voice.

“A few years back,” he says, looking to see if they’ve established his prosthetic is not a weapon, “we’re in a war,” he reminds Michael who looks at his leg like they’re kids again and he wants to hurt whoever hurt him. Alex sees the metal detector tremble and thinks of the lives that hand in the balance, “Michael! I’m fine.”

Michael snaps towards him and Alex meets his gaze, trying to convey how fine he is. They need this more than Michael needs to lose it. Michael slowly seems to come back to himself and when they look, the guards are all staring. Michael draws himself up and fixes Alex with the coldest look he’s ever been on the receiving end of. He’s doing it for him, but it still takes Alex’s breath away in the worst way possible.

“I don’t know that name anymore. It’d Rath.”

“Sorry, General,” Alex says instead and accepts his prosthetic back.

They shake hands in front of the cameras, both their mangled and missing parts tucked away.

“You look good!” Liz says, “I mean, you look like you want to die but otherwise—“

“Thanks,” Michael says sarcastically.

“How is he?” Liz asks after a moment.

“I haven’t seen Max,” he says instead of answering. Liz makes a noise, “he’s fine. I’m sure they’re all fine.”

“Alex you know that’s bullshit.”

Sometimes Alex hates how smart Liz is. And how perceptive. Her denial of her feelings is a protection, one she’s fully aware of and seems to be able to flick on and off like its a fucking light switch. Alex feels like his got shut off and he lost it somewhere in the dark. There’s a disconnect. He can’t even blame it on the war. It’s been going on for much much longer than that. War has just made it matter less.

“He saw my leg,” he admits, “he got mad.”

“Of course he got upset,” Liz says.

“He should have thought about that before we were at war,” Alex argues even though he knows thats not fair. Liz does too. “Anyway thats not why I called. We’re supposed to do something and theres a chance Max will be there. Misery loves company, so, you wanna come? Can you behave?”

“Yes and yes,” she says.

“General Rath,” Alex greets, “you remember Liz?”

“Colonel Manes.”

Michael nods but his expression is hard. Alex feels smug at throwing him off his game, right until Max shows up. Every inch of him that’s a king falls apart and its like looking at the sixteen year old dumbass who thought that a backwards baseball cap was a fashion statement.

“Liz,” he says her name almost reverently.

She slaps him across the face.

“Oh shit,” Michael says.

Alex wonders if he’s just ended the world.

In the end he hasn’t but its a near thing. He knows in his gut he’s not the guy for this. When they’re done he wants to leave but Liz has backed King Zan into an antechamber and he isn’t leaving her behind. Michael drops into the chair next to him, still laughing.

“This is great,” he says, “good move bringing her here. You guys might come out of this on top after all.”

“I’m resigning,” he says, looking at Michael.

Michael stares at him.

“What? Why?” Michael demands.

“I can’t do this,” he says, “it’s all of earth. They need someone level.”

Liz appears and Alex thanks god for her timing. He looks at Michael who seems so dumbstruck he can’t figure out what to say. It’s not how Alex wants to leave him speechless but he’s been a coward with him before. So he gets to his feet and does the bravest thing he can.

“Goodbye,” he says.

It tastes like ash.

“I’m coming!” Alex snarls through the wood.

Michael wants to tell him to hurry the fuck up but he’s not going to open the door if he sees him. He’s done is best military style knock in the hopes Alex won’t look. The door opens.

“Wha-“ Alex stops. Emotions fly across his face. He settles on that emotionally constipated look he’s tried to maintain this whole time, “what are you doing here?” He steps aside though and Michael enters.

“Why are you resigning?” He challenges. Alex looks away, “it’s just us in here Alex,” he says, maybe a bit louder than he intends.

“Yeah that’s the problem,” Alex says, “out there, it’s not just us. I can’t negotiate with you.”

“Why not?” Michael presses. Alex looks away, “hmmmm?” Michael says, moving into his space. Alex doesn’t step back, he glares at him.

“Because I look at you and I’m seventeen again!” He says, “and then you look away. And I remember everything, like it’s the first time it’s happening. I can’t think around you. I can’t do my job,” he says, “and if you don’t remember that earth was your planet too, then someone has to step in who isn’t distracted by their feelings.”

Michael can’t puzzle through this. He knows Alex has feelings for him. Loving each other has never been the problem. His fingers ache in a reminder and Alex’s eyes drag towards the hand. Fuck this, Michael thinks viciously and shoves it between them.

“Your dad took my hand, someone from my side took your leg. You want to say we’re even?” Alex scoffs, “I never looked away,” he says, “not really.”

“Bullshit,” Alex says, “you took off for another planet.”

“You took off for war!”

“I didn’t want to go!” Alex suddenly matches his tone. Michael freezes, something cold in him, “you did.”

Michael can’t argue. He did. He wanted to get out of that town, off that planet. He can’t blame his failed whatever with Alex as the sole reason but he can’t pretend it wasn’t a factor. But Alex is Alex and if he tells him that he’ll blame himself for the whole damn war. Instead he takes the accusation and steps up to Alex. Alex regards him like a skittish animal but doesn’t run. Even if this is his room. Michael refuses to linger at that when Alex’s impossibly long lashes lower. It’s been a decade but Michael knows what he’s doing and before he can overthink it, he cups Alex’s face and kisses him.

Alex stiffens and then melts into the kiss. Michael’s glad he snuck away, glad he’s in normal clothes. No, not normal. Earth clothes. Because then instead of dealing with his Antarian clothes Alex can slips his hands under his shirt. Michael hates touching him with his twisted hand. But even that doesn’t seem to matter when Alex makes a noise in the back of his throat and Michael deepens the kiss like he can taste it. They fumble back to the bed Alex lays back as Michael pulls his shirt off. Their bodies are different, he can see the scars that litter Alex’s skin. Antar has healing and he’s whole on the outside, fine except for the scars that earth left on him. Alex cants his hips up and Michael throws caution to the wind.

He kisses every mark, hoping that his desperate desire for Alex to stay will pass through his skin.

He’s too much of a coward to say it again.

“This was your idea,” he tells Isobel when he gets back to their ship. Her first move is to grab the bag he’s holding and pour the acetone down the sink, “damn it!”

“Need you to be on your A-Game,” is her excuse.

“Yeah, well, I need to be drunk,” he snaps, “you shouldn’t have put me and Alex together.”

“You two did that all on your own,” she says, “I already denied his request to be transferred,” she swipes a hand through his curls, “or did you convince him to stay?”

Her guess is as good as his.

“General,” Alex says.

“Colonel.”

He can do this. Alex has never had to work with someone he’s slept with before. He’s not sure how anyone does this. And okay maybe he and Michael did it as teenagers but that was ten years ago. And it was before the world even knew that there was intelligent life out there. Isobel had suitors who she considered beneath her and Max was always sweet on Liz. Alex has a very sneaking he and Michael slept together first. He may have lost his virginity in the ultimate out of this world experience. He’s like the dirty equivalent of Neal Armstrong. He clears his throat as Michael sits down. He looks surprised that he’s still there. No, Alex realizes, he looks guilty.

“Princess Vilandra  seems to feel I’m best suited for the job. Or so my superiors told me,” he says. Michael at least has the grace to blush, “I guess she still can’t resist meddling.”

“Hey, she doesn’t meddle,” Michael says, “she outright gets involved. Give her some credit.”

Alex snorts in disbelief and Michael chuckles. There’s something familiar about it that makes Alex’s heart ache. He forces that feeling back. That, at least, he’s good at. Lingering for a second too long used to get him questioned and mocked until he proved himself. Though the truth is the guys he felt things for were nothing compared to what he’s always felt for Michael. They catch each others eyes and smooth out their expressions, focusing instead on the last few items for the treaty. It’s the first step in many but it’s a first step. Alex was shipped to war without wanting to go, but he likes protecting people. Likes helping them. He always has. Long before Michael kissed him in the museum that had his family artifacts on display.  The items on this treaty take longer than the others. Alex caves after a few hours.

“I need food,” he says, “you hungry?”

“Starving,” Michael admits.

“Great, what do you want?” Michael does a double take, “you miss something in particular? I’m not picky.”

You, Michael thinks, then puts the thought aside.

“Wings?”

They get wings and Michael wants to keel over with how good they are. He’s always loved spicy food. Or convinced himself of it after he learned if food was hot, other people didn’t want it as much. Alex gets beers too and Michael can almost pretend this is what college could have been like if things had gone differently. If he’d taken the scholarship. If the three of them doing something as terrible as burning those bodies hadn’t sent out that beacon.

If they hadn’t led the man who killed them the first time straight to earth.

It’s been ten years of pretending to be something they’re not to take power back. With Isobel at the center of it. He’s got no right to complain about things with what she’s sacrificed. And on the other side it’s Alex and what he’s sacrificed. One of his foster parents told him that all Michael knew how to do was take. Michael knows the guy was a drunk but the words still burned into him. Especially when he sees Alex with hot sauce on his lip laughing one moment and shifting his weight with a flash of discomfort the next. His own hand aches but Michael’s pretty sure that’s in his head.

“What do they eat over there?” Alex asks abruptly.

“Acetone,” Michael lies. Alex’s eyes narrow, “I’m kidding. It’s similar,” he says, trying to think of how to put it, “but different.”

“Descriptive,” Alex says dryly.

“Look, next time I’ll bring something,” he says, “you can try it for yourself.”

“In the meantime come here,” Alex says, “you’ve got hot sauce on your lip.”

He wipes it off with his thumb and Michael understands Max a whole lot better.

Next time turns out to be months later.

They do a good job and then there’s all the god damn red tape that makes Alex’s head hurt. It’s not like Max is going to put up a fight on anything really. Or King Zan. Alex cannot contact the General without risking everything so he doesn’t. The next time he sees him is at the formal signing. Which means everyone is in formal wear. He’s never felt awkward in his uniform. Despite what led him here, he is proud of the lives he’s saved and the service he’s given. He can stand up there with royalty from another planet he just happened to go to high school with.

Michael on the other hand looks like he wants to die.

It’s clear for his genetic breeding or whatever, he’s nervous. The Antarian formalwear is a lot of draping and elegance that doesn’t seem to have much to do with the military, aside from the braided chords that loop around his shoulder. He’s wearing gloves too and Alex finds he wishes that he could see his hand again. Unable to let Michael pace there miserably, he steps forward. Michael whips around at the sound and stares at him like he’s drowning and Alex is the life saving breath of air. His throat is visibly working. Alex might slightly enjoy the sight of him being flustered, something that seems to occur to him because he straightens up. Alex still has a good inch on him in the height department though.

“General Rath,” he greets, reminding himself of their roles.

“General Manes,” he greets back.

Alex might be slightly proud of the title. If nothing else it isn’t one he has to share with his father or grandfather. He is the first General Manes. He looks at Michael who shifts his weight. The cloth he wears shimmers in the light, reminding Alex of those glass shards that were in the museum. The ones that all snapped together the night before the aliens came.

“Nervous?” Alex asks.

“Never,” Michael says, throwing him that macho cowboy swagger smile. Alex might hate him a little for it, “you ready for this?”

“I’m used to the photo ops by now,” Alex lies with a tight smile. He’s better, but the spotlight has never suited him.

“Great, let’s go.”

Before he can ask why Michael looks nervous they’re in front of people. A lot of people. Alex stands straight and schools his expression while Michael waves to the crowd. The sheer number of people this is being televised to is dizzying. Alex fully expects things to go wrong but they don’t. The only wrongness is his anonymity being ripped to shreds. It’s a worthy sacrifice for this, but that doesn’t make it less gut wrenching as he and Michael stand and observe the proceedings. Hardest to bear is Michael’s gaze which keeps flicking towards him. Like he knows this is hard for Alex. Alex stands straighter if possible. He doesn’t want Michael’s—Rath’s—pity. The treaties are signed and ratified and Alex knows now it’s just a matter of full disarming. Fully withdrawing.

“You’re returning to Antar,” he says.

“Yeah, Of course we are,” Rath tells him, “can’t have peace with the aliens running around.”

This hits him like a ton of bricks. Even though he knows what’s in the treaty, the idea of Rath being a universe away is like a gut punch. It’s what he’s always wanted. Maybe now he can have it and find some peace. Alex forces himself to clutch the idea like a hot iron. If he holds it maybe he can cauterize the wound. He grips the pain as he goes through the more formal interactions, desperate to be the one to put a galaxy between them for once. No such luck as General Rath catches up to him eventually. Alex realizes that his work here is done. Which means this isn’t about Generals or anything it’s about General Rath who has the same mop of curls and him who doesn’t even have two legs.

“Alex—“

“I gotta go,” he says.

General Rath freezes.

“Yeah I, uh, I gotta go,” he says again, “we saved the world and—“

“You gotta go,” Rath repeats repeats.

Alex nods.

Michael ignores the feelings that sledgehammer into him. Of course Alex has to bolt. Michael could be a General or he could be God but somehow it will always come back to being unworthy of Alex. By now he doesn’t know why it hurts. Yes, he does, it hurts because he’s an idiot whose still carrying a torch for a man who can’t be around him except under very specific circumstances. Circumstances that don’t benefit a General, let alone two of them. So he does the only thing he can and sticks his hand out. Alex grips it and God help him, Michael can���t resist kissing his knuckles just once. Alex stares just at him but Michael’s sure he’s clocked the room for whose watching.

“Pleasure negotiating with you, General Manes,” he says.

“Goodbye, Michael,” Alex replies and Michael watches as he leaves.

“Did you ask him?” Isobel demands coming up to him. Michael watches the corner Alex vanished around, “Michael—“

“This is his planet,” he says, looking at her. Isobel is not thrilled with his answer, “he’s not coming.”

“That’s not what I asked,” she says.

“Just drop it,” he says, “please.”

“Michael—“

“He’s not coming, Iz,” he says, looking at her, “can you please drop it?” Something in him feels broken, “and my name’s Rath.”

She stares at him and Michael glares back. He doesn’t want anyone’s sympathy or pity. Especially not from family or from Alex. Deep in his pocket the alien charm he fashioned seems to throb in time with the ache being pumped through his chest. Maybe this is what dying feels like. He straightens up and takes his fingers from it. It’s not going to transport Alex anywhere, least of all to him.

“Let’s go,” he says, “the sooner we get home the better.”

[stormbornwithblackfyre]

My Game of Thrones S8 Rant.

At this point we have two episodes left in the entire Series of Game of Thrones and to be completely honest it's been underwhelming, disappointing, and rushed, which now that the honeymoon period of having my almost 2 year wait end i can clearly see.

The writing is the main issue I have with all of this. It all comes back to the writing. Too many times gor too many occasions have I asked "why?" It just feel like too many things don't make sense and too many things were done to be overtly dramatic and shocking, instead of leaning on the STORY and NARRATIVES which we as a fandom has been salivating over for the entire series.

Let's start with "The North" and their whole Saga and the Dilemma with The Night King, White Walkers, and AotD. An evil that was shown do us from the very first episode, very first scene if i am not mistaken. An ancient and evil magic, that the living will have to deal with, that the living will have to overcome or become just more members if the AotD. THAT was the driving force of S7 basically. The reason Jon and Dany meet? Dragonglass mountain under Dragonstone. Dragonglass? Oh, just ine of the 3 ways you can kill members of the AotD. The reason every main charachter besides a certain red head *Insert word here cause I'm trying my bet to not name call* showed up for a summit in the Dragonpit IN KING'S LANDING OF ALL PLACES? Oh, just to show Cersei a wight in an attempt to convince her to help fight which was an idiotic plan in it's own right. Bottomline is the Night King and his Army was a driving force and tbh i appreciate focussing one half if the last season on him and the other on Cersei. Issue is Cersei conventionally should have been hit with a "Fire Style Fireball Jutsu"

Off rip cause that was the easiest and SMARTEST MOVE. But i digress this is avout S8. So i have no conv eptyal plab with the amount of time in episodes gi en hi the threat north but the dialogue and context are what begin my frustrations.

Everything feels rushed immediately, as evidenced by Bran

Dropping the bomb of the wall falling and Viscerion being controlled by the NK. Now the pace quickens and thats cool but it gets jumbled and stats jumbled. Which makes the North and their resistance to Jon bending the knee so weird....or weirder than it already is. Yes you want independence. Yes you want to be held out of wars. Yes want to be isolated but.......THE WHITE WALKERS ARE COMING FOR YOU FIRST AND JON WAS YOUR KING. HE LEFT WITH NOTHING BUT DA(D)VOS AND A FEW GOOD MEN AND RETURNED WITH TWO ARMIES, TWO DRAGONS, AND WARS SUPPLY OF DRAGON GLASS AND A GODSDAMN QUEEN.....Why in gods name are any of them so cold and hesitant to people helping thwm when they didn't have to? Or at the very least why thorough the very end of that war does it last?

Which brings me to a certain Red head. Sansa Stark has cause way more friction and problems than necessary this season amd it's so ridiculous and petty and stupid that legitimately gwt upset thinking about it. Upset about Jon not telling you he was going to bend the knee? Fair point. Ask him why and how he bent the knee maybe hmm? Want to stand your ground and show Dany you are a Wolf of Winterfell amd wont be taken down without a fight? I respect the chutzpah but Dany is here to save the North and literally gave you the warmest of hellos along with layer on telling you tje obvious that she loves your brother after you state the obvious that he loves her too. Maybe sit down and discuss the fate Winterfell and the North after the war is won before the war begins hmm? Mad Two armies, Two Dragons, and A Queens entourage now must be housed? THEN DIE ON YOUR GODSDAMN OWN AND JOIN THE ARMY OF THE GODSDAMN DEAD......Sansa and her pettiness and nothing. NOTHING...of use to the season until she breaks a swear to her own brother. Now we all know biologically they are cousins but They grew up Brother and Sister tho not the beat relationship. She swore to him i front of Their other Brother and Sister in the Godswood no less that she wouldn't tell a soul.......and then goes and Tells Tyrion. Why? Please. Anyone. Anyone please tell me why. I have zero clue. Break an oath to the man who was a brother to you? Why? You don't want Daenerys, the woman who saved your entire country from Death's icy grip, as tge Seven Kingdom's queen? Why? None of it makes sense. None. And for those who dare say she's "Playing the Game" No she isn't Triple H amd no it's not time to play the game it's time to think rationally.

Next up is the choices made by the writers that just rubbed me the wrong way and shot down my faith in the show. First and foremost Sam and the Tarly reveal. Absolute ridiculousness. Randyll Tarly, Sam's father, basically said to Sam: You aren't what a real man is, you aren't what a Lord should be, you are garbage. Go to the Wall or I'll take you out back and end you myself.

Now, person who may or may not read this, I don't know about you but i would tap dance on the grave of my father if he said and did to me what Randyll did to Sam. Period. End of discussion. On to Dickon *Insert snicker here* Tarly. I would have less hate for him but still no love. Dickon was now heir. Dickon was now going to get all the land and wealth and possesions and titles that nelonged to Sam simply do to patriarchy and age. (which is another discussion but we all know is how GOT is governed) So I have no clue why sam is boo hooing about either of the two. Now here's the kicker. Randyll Tarly....along with Dickon Tarly...COMMITED TREASON. TREASON AGAINST THE HOUSE THEY WERE SWORN TO FOR GENERATIONS. They also HAD. A. CHOICE. Death or Bend the knee. They chose death. End of story. Sam being a little shook? Understandable. Full fledged sobs? Stop watching Lifetime movies D & D.

That leads to Sam telling Jon, R+L=J with spite and anger which in all honesty is bullshit and Sam is a bullshit friend for it. You can't tell your supposed best friend his life was a lie n an attempt to get back at someone who honestly did you no wrong. Just bad decisions all around and feels lazy on top of it all.

Then comes the shock and awe that really just.....*Deep sigh* takes away from it all. No issue with Arya saving us. Being the hero that kills the NK. Being the Princess who was promised. But wait.......It was shock value? This was a decision made 7 years into this show? Not off rip? Jon and the NK stare downs were.....just stare downs? While all along we learn nada of the NK? Shock value is a no go most times and this is why. No substance. No merrit. Ep 4 references Arya as the hero....maybe 3 times in small passing. It just felt l like it didn't matter. More shock that was there dor shocks sake was Rhaegal dying. How did Dany not see them? Why did Dany not see them? HOW WAS I THE ONLY ONE PRESENT THINKING TO MYSELF THEY'LL BE AMBUSHED? Tyrion too drunk? Jon to tired with having to Defend Dany against Sansa because Sansa on that bullshit? Varys all of a sudden cant get information? Like how was THAT not foreseen and how wans every boltshot at Rhaegal a guranteed hit? The most shock value of all was Missandei, former slave and a POC being re chained and then killed in a foreign land by a foreign person(who's Caucasian as you guessed) for nothing. It was a heart stabber indeed and makes you want to see Dany destroy Cersei and Grewworm sestroy the Mountain but unnecessary.

All in all I'm real hurt. Real hurt. Totally prepared to wipe S8 from my mind and have GOT with S7. If you read any of this, welcome to my ted talk, sorry for rambling haha.

[guardianxangelxdiaries]

the thought of getting close to anyone rn sounds terrifying. i’ve always said my biggest fear was to lose my partner in this lifetime.

i guess i was really being built for something more than what i desired my life to be for so long.

i want to continue to soften with time. i know you will not fail me. nor will i fail you.

i feel like life has a better plan. facing my two biggest fears, biggest pains head on.

loss & addiction.

losing her felt like losing me.

i did lose me.

i had to lose an entire shell of who i thought i was.

i’m learning boundries.

i give myself space and time.

every single day is a new day.

i’m learning that it is so okay for me to be alone.

for me to live freely.

however tf i want to.

faeths always craved freedom.

now she is free.

and i hope shes doing okay wherever she is.

what i do know is she replaced a part of me thats been lost for years with a titanium finish.

she made me strong. i made me strong.

i hope her chains to addiction have been set free.

through all of this i imagine better days. i can imagine the life you would desire for me and your beautiful, loving, caring family.

we all have to persevere. nobody fought lifes battles as hard as you did.

don’t let anyone try to say you were weak. they would be fools.

you were strong as fuck. you fought hard. i haven’t ever met anyone who wanted sobriety more than you.

i pray for all of the people with addiction who are unaware they have a choice.

i pray for all the lost broken souls who truly believe there is no way back to surface.

i pray everyday for healing.

i pray to release all guilt and anger associated with such a huge loss.

i pray for liz’s heart. i pray for her soul. i pray the weight of addiction is lifted from off her strong, tired shoulders.

i hope she smiles for the rest of her life knowing how much faeth knew she was loved by her mom. the bond between them was hard. but so fucking strong.

addiction is hard.

so hard.

but we are strong.

we are all so strong.

so capable.

i pray the tears left in many eyes over our loss of the most beautiful angel to walk this earth, soon run dry.

i will become everything you knew i could be. i promise you.

not everyday will not be sunshine and rainbows but for today i think thats what i will choose.

i pray you do too. i pray for so much love and healing for all of the people she loved & who loved her. please bring her loved ones peace.

i’m starting to notice a bit more colors these days. especially through the tears. you made my life so much more beautiful than i could’ve ever imagined. thank you for loving me. anyone who got to be loved by you/got to love you was lucky and they knew it. you were the truest human, honoring the light and the dark. the good and the bad. you had the biggest heart. with some very dark demons.

i pray for clear thoughts.

thank you for showing me how i deserve to be loved. and how i desire to love.

an ex of mine used to always say some of the worst things about me/to me. he was extremely manipulative and didn’t realize his addiction has gotten as bad as it did. he was verbally abusive and just hateful. since you passing, re reading every letter you wrote i feel love. i feel extremely fucking loved. its by far the best feeling. i know now that i deserve nothing less than that. thank you for giving me the courage to love myself enough to be loved correctly. thats really all you ever wanted. was to be able to love me fully and completely. i hope you know you definitely accomplished that. i knew something was off when i realized how mad i could get over him talking bad about you but the min he was calling me horrible names and being a disgusting human to me i just blocked it out or dealt with it because i cared so much for him. i wanted him to get better. i know i cant save anyone. i know this fully now. its not my job to be the savior in everyones story but i do know that i am a good runner up in alot. im proud of me for making it through this. for staying strong always but for honoring all of my emotions as they are all so valid. i’m proud of myself every single day. good. bad. ugly. i choose to love me exactly how i would love you. for exactly who you were. exactly how you would love me as the sober/healthy/happy beautiful angel you are. i deserve this love ive always dreamed of. something that felt like home. something safe and secure.

i will forever love you the mostest faethy. i promise to love you a lil harder next time around.

you are my angel. guide me. love me. and most importantly hold me. the way i always held you. i need it bad. i really do.

i have to save me this time.

[thecoupleenextdoor-blog]

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