#THEYRE SOFT LONG DISTANCED HUSBANDS

[dxstopiaa]

hey hey! could i request zhongli, cyno, and tighnari with a hypersexual s/o who is actually pretty ashamed, so when they finish, they wait till theyre asleep and starts breaking down bawling their eyes out. this is kinda deep but i js want some comfort at the same time. if this is too deep or dark feel free to not do it 🫶🫶🫶

characters: zhongli, tighnari and cyno x hypersexual! gn! reader.

warnings: nsfw elements! hurt/comfort [dont worry at all anon <3 if this is something you experience, you should never feel ashamed]

zhongli

❥ That feeling was there again— the one of guilt and shame you couldn’t eradicate no matter what you told yourself. Your husband’s thick cum still coated your thighs, not daring to move nor clean it up in fear of waking him beside you.

❥ You truly envied him. Zhongli slept peacefully with arms snaked around your bare waist, not a worry present. He loved you, you knew that, yet a tide of disgust wavered over your shivering body. It retreated in the form of hot flashes, returning upon each dreadful thought that went too long considered.

❥ His forearms, dangerously close to the tears accumulating at your jaw, embraced you so gently. You were too lost in the depths of your shame to realise your sobs had grown louder, grasping onto your lover’s hands for any sort of comfort.

❥ “My darling? What has you so distraught?” Zhongli’s husky voice whispered into your ear, not doing much except influencing the developing streams of saltwater across your cheeks. Your lack of response frightened him greatly, feeling his weight shift against the head board.

❥ “Please answer me, dearest?” His heart pumped with agony at your strings of broken cries. Did he go too rough with you? Were you scared? His questions dissipated when you wrapped your frail arms around his chest. Soft, tear-ridden eyes gleamed up at him, nothing but a satin robe to distance your bodies from another.

❥ “I feel so revolted with myself. Do you feel that way too?” Your meek, shaky voice muttered such self-deprecating language left those lips he kissed with pure adoration. How could you doubt his love? His light gasp followed by a frown pulled you from the depths of overthinking.

❥ “Of course not, sweetheart. Hearing words so undervaluing from you leads me to think of the restless nights you’ve endured without my knowledge. Allow me to help you, what is it that you’d like, dear?” He fondled your shaking hand, smoothing a finger over your wedding ring.

“Anything that regards you is nothing short of perfect, i’ll prove so by whatever means.”

cyno

❥ Soft, undisturbed snores filled the room, courtesy of the sleeping general. You were still reminiscing of the events which had occurred a mere hour ago. You— who was so eager and needy for Cyno it felt humiliating. He had you on his cock nearly every day, pleasuring you albeit not making as much noise himself.

❥ Was he tired of your high libido? Was he getting bored of you? Endless questions swarmed your mind like a cyclone, twisting your perception of your boyfriend till it rained down. You couldn’t help but start to weep, tributaries of tears collecting at your chin, washing away the gentle touches Cyno had placed there prior.

❥ You shouldn’t be so obvious about it, you thought. Perhaps it’d be better to calm down in the bathroom, removing the covers from your body. You didn’t even get to lift your head from the damp pillow fully as your lover had seized your wrist.

❥ “Don’t go, hiding your tears from me won’t help you in the slightest, love.” Called out Cyno, voice raspy with slumber. Although he didn’t know what this was about, that somber expression did not suit you in the slightest. He’d rather have it gone.

❥ Eyes blurred and hazy, you glanced over at him, finally allowing him to pull you close at his side. How could you even describe this to him— say that it’s nothing or burst into tears before you even opened your mouth? Your throat felt painfully constricted.

❥ “Don’t worry, if you can’t tell me now, this can be discussed in the morning. For now, just get some rest.” Cyno comforted, tracing his thumbs over each tear-stained cheek. You didn’t need to tell him, he could already sense what was wrong.

❥ That distant look in your eyes whenever you finished quickly, the sobs he thought were of pleasure were rather subtle cries of guilt. It was quite obvious yet he was so unperceptive to not realise it till you were curled up beside him? Cyno held you closer than ever, arms framing your shivering body as if you were glass, about to shatter any second now.

“I apologise for not seeing this earlier. Let me remind you that i fell in love with the exact person you’re incorrectly ashamed of, i wouldn’t change anything about you.”

tighnari

❥ There was something off about you— Tighnari could sense it, although not place a finger on it. Your lips trembled with something he thought was fear, yet it wouldn’t make sense if it was. You’ve always been an expressive person, so why the sudden change?

❥ You were quite loud just a few minutes ago, now it seems you’ve withdrawn yourself under the cotton covers for comfort. You’d always ask for aftercare and snuggle close to him after sex, though not a single request sounded from the opposite side of the bed.

❥ If only he knew that your saline tears dampened the pillow and your lashes, the red hue that was on your cheeks had shifted up to your eyes, worn with distress. Tighnari had never mentioned anything negative to you at all, however this sickening discomfiture twisted your stomach.

❥ Despite how hard you tried to disguise the reality of your feelings, fleeing from your excessive eroticism, it’d all come down one day. Your throat closed up, a pounding migraine overtook your senses, making it all the more apparent.

❥ “Dear? What’s the matter? Are you hurt?” The forest ranger panicked— ears twitching half-confusedly. No response apart from a snivel and the rustling of the quilt which you grasped onto. Immediately, he reached for a glass of water and towel.

❥ Tighnari turned you over, fingers brushing along your jaw, patting the cool, damp fabric over your closed eyes. Wails of panic were replaced with small hiccups, breathing still irregular but not as before. Would you even want to discuss this now? He fears startling you again.

❥ Your boyfriend continued to lightly massage your head, raking his slender fingers in your tangled hair. Moments like these— where you needed him the most, he’s here for you.

“Shh, it’s okay, don’t stress over this too much dearest. Get some sleep now.”

[jrueships]

got any Kyle/demar thoughts? I’m looking to be in pain and scrolling through your masterpiece of a blog

AWWWW that's so nice of u to say! Thank u so much for enjoying my random spirals on this blog LMAO fr that's so sweet!!

NOW ABOUT... T H E M.

I have SOME kyle/demar thoughts but sadly like.. not a TON... which is weird because they're literally one of my top fav ships and the first ship I saw that really got me into sports tumblr LMAO. So it's not like I DONT think about it because I DO but I think they're just so popular with so many other supporters and analysts of their ship that it's like??? What thoughts can I have that a greater tumblr nba gay historian has already thought LMAO

BUT LIKE. I THINK ABOUT THEM NONETHELESS. My thoughts are just like?? Very plain to me tho idk!!! I hope u like them either way tho!!!!

So like.... uhh... you want sad!!! Hmm!! I can give that!! That's also what makes kyle/demar so great like... you can focus on the sad parts of their relationship if you want, the goofy, or the soft! It's a whole package deal of different emotions! BUT ANYWAYS UH

I'm SERIOUSLY not an astrology knowledge expert like FR I have no idea what a rising is or stuff so... u can take any mistakes I make in saying this with a grain of salt BUT

Demar is a Leo and like.. that just sticks out to me. I think most like??? Regular zodiac analysts like to think that ALL Leos are extroverted, selfish, comedic braggarts with a lot of pride because uhh?? It's a lion I guess? And lions are used to being the head of the pride so. King mentality but like... demar isn't like that. He's in that special category of leos that are generally super quiet, but like FLIP A SWITCH only when they're with a really trusted friend. As long as they're with people they trust enough and feel confident enough with, they're going to show a louder part of their personality! But ONLY if they're with the specific people they CHOSE to let see it... and that takes a lot of trust and time and love... and demar being so happy and having so many antics with Kyle just really exemplifies the amount of devotion he has for him. Those kinda leos and their relationships are just really beautiful to me because they're usually pretty cool with everyone, but they pick like ONE (or just a few) specific people to devote all their trust and care into because they truly believe that that person will give it back. They're an introvert who's willing to turn extrovert all for one person who they believe deserves to see it and wants to see it. It's a very special and deep relationship that often develops without them even knowing how tbh! They just know that they've made best friends with that person they chose and they're gonna stay best friends as long as they live and breathe.

Leos like that really Value their one special relationship.. they sometimes believe they'll never have another one like it and are therefore afraid of losing it... secretly, but powerfully, they get worried easily about the other person not devoting as much care into the relationship as them. About that one person who they chose to put above air, moving on like the friendship was merely another footnote in a book that bored them.

And at the start, that would have been easy for Kyle to do.

Kyle sets goals and he gets them quick. He's an Aries, and that probably means something but I don't know much about aries so. I'll leave it at that LMAO. Anyways... what I mean is that like? Just because Kyle is cute n small and kinda giggly (especially when he's with demar) DOESNT mean he can't be a stubborn, prickly, and determined asshole. He can put certain things aside for a purpose that he thinks is better. He put aside his hurt at the demar trade to work for a championship with kawhi. And like. Yeah. I personally think the best think about Aries is loyalty, which is why Leos and Aries make such great friends. Shared loyalty, with the Aries remaining loyal to whoever helped them soften up their stubborness to allow some?? Self like... soothing to themselves? Because Aries can sometimes put aside too much for something that it gets unhealthy... and the leos remaining loyal to whoever they believe deserve it.

what I mean is that he'll always be loyal to demar even though he's having all this fun with kawhi. Because Demar was the one who bent down and whispered that he was always going to be there with him, even after the fact that Kyle missed a shot that could've won them an advancement. He was the one who let Kyle know that it's going to be okay and he'll always be there for him. And knowing that really helped settle Kyle's persistent??? Running. I guess. Either toward or from something, I don't know and I don't think Kyle knows either but.. yeah. Demar was the one who let Kyle know that he has someone in his corner and he's not fighting for something all alone. And Kyle, this guy who makes sure not to devote himself Too much into things, to make sure he doesn't let himself enjoy something for too much or too long... let himself relax for Demar because Demar let him know that it was okay.

So he'll never forget Demar for that.

But despite that loyalty, I think Demar still worries. Worried about losing someone that he never thinks he'll ever find again all because he couldn't play basketball better. He's been traded for 'a real superstar that can actually lead the north', and here's kyle... laughing with the Real Superstar. Smiling with The Real Superstar. Possibly even having a better relationship with The Real Superstar that overshadows the one he had with Demar.

And that's scary. Because it's a selfish worry, to not want someone to enjoy something with someone else as much as they enjoyed it with you... but he can't help but (quietly) want that because he's afraid. And he's alone. And he feels like he's going to lose the one person he chose to keep with him forever.

And that's scary. Really, really scary.

[enderwoah]

free trial / 30 days smp headcanons because i love them:

crimeduo OP:

wil and tommy are gods/celestials from the 100p series,,,,and you know how theyre total assholes in those??

yeah so their higherups basically gave them a job that if they fucked up theyd be stripped of any and all powers because they're both AWFUL

which is why wil and tommy have op but you know not flying around and everything.

the job is keeping these six or seven or so cursed people in this enclosed space so they can live and the higherups can determine whether they can go to the not bad place or hell

since they all did shit that got them cursed but seemed to be improving.

they aren't as powerful as they were as full gods or whatever but they still have lingering powers (hence the spruce trapdoors)

beeduo curses:

tubbo got cursed to physically not be able to be awake for more than three hours

originally, it was going to be all day, but ranboo defended him and said he'd take part of the curse for himself

so now ranboo is cursed so that all of his emotions are connected with tubbo's!

all of them.

all feelings of happiness, sadness, inept terror -- it's why he freaks out so much whenever tubbo gets in danger,,,it's because tubbo is freaking out too.

ranboo knows for a fact that wilbur and specifically tommy can take away tubbo's curse but just don't, which is why he has so much animostiy specifically towards them whenever the subject comes up

benchtrio + wilbur's relationship:

tommy actually really likes tubbo and ranboo but tries not to talk to them too much because if he does he'll get attached and probably end up taking away their curses because he has the biggest fucking heart

but then he'll get in trouble!

so he keeps his distance and sends wilbur to check up on the beeduo, because he knows wilbur won't bend to them

wilbur is a lot better at being sympathetic but also not twisting to their wants.

he'll say it sucks that tubbo can't participate for more than three hours and then hear about building a MOB FARM in LIMBO and go "well yeah you fuckin glutton thats why you're cursed"

"it isn't even just gluttony what was the case report again?"

"gluttony? wrath? greed? i think those were the main ones"

wilbur teases tubbo about it and immediately ranboo goes defensive as hell and wilbur just cackles at him

"fucking pride or whatever that's why you share a curse"

jack "karl marx" manifold and sneeg "jeff bezos" snag:

jack manifold got sent there for being a dirty fucking commie

sneegsnag got sent there for being a corrupt capitalist

both of them are very confused as to what the hell god wants from them

thye both think each others' economic systems are evil viruses of satan though and theyve decided that whichever of them dies first has the inferior system

jack manifold is cursed with being unable to control his anger! and when it gets bad he starts to act...a lot less human

(see: the demon voice he had when he killed charlie)

his rage can overtake him to the point where when he calms down he feels as if it was someone else...

he didn't mean to kill charlie. it wasn't his fault.

it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for his stupid fucking curse.

charlie goop sludge sop gunk slime slimecicle:

he's just a slimy boy :)

he was cursed so that anything he touches turns soft and slimy if he touches it for too long

his hair is completely slime

and if he stands in one place for too long he'll start sinking into the soft ground

so he wears these really thick galoshes lol

he knows very well what he did to get here :)

and he knows that if he does nothing at all, the gods will be confused as to where to put him

so perhaps, if he does nothing but wait for that timer to tick down to zero

he can finally have peace in a limbo for no one else but him

and maybe other people should be able to have some peace too! everyone should just wait for the timer.

everyone should just wait for the timer.

the husbands:

ranboo took this curse upon himself and doesn't regret it in the slightest

and will never regret it

even though tubbo is...definitely an oddball when it comes to emotions

he's far better at controlling them because they're his emotions, but ranboo isn't used to the pure anger the boy has stewing inside of him

so while tubbo might look slightly miffed, if not perfectly fine

ranboo could be seething with pure, unfettered rage and probably lunge at someone

(that's probably why "wrath" was on tubbo's case report)

hence why tubbo seems to not really care about his curse

but he does. he's pissed about it. and ranboo doesn't know how to hide that.

and ranboo threatens to murder tommy whenever the subject comes up

that's only for three hours a day, though!

the rest of the time is hell because he'll go through mood swings due to watever tubbo's dreaming about

but ranboo doesn't regret it

of course not

because if he did, then what kind of person would he be?

definitely not the stand-up guy he says he is and everyone sees him as (when he's not being influenced)!

so no, he doesn't regret it. and even if he did, he'd die (again) with that secret.

(which is why pride was on his case report.)

bird:

phil was originally an angel but fell

tommy and wilbur definitely know why

nobody else does and phil isn't going to tell them

tommy and wilbur...i wouldnt say look down on phil

but they look down on phil

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

look man, even if he hadn't fallen, they're still above him

anyways, phil mostly keeps to himself so he can last for the full thirty days

because he's lived for a long time

and he knows that these kids aren't going to last

it wouldn't be his first time outliving everyone in his surroundings

...but this time, he'll be sure not to be the one whittling them down.

[writingonsaturn]

Better Unsaid

a/n okay this has been all over the place!! it was originally going to be a blurb and darker and closer to smutty (so keep your eyes out for that??? lol), but then I made it softer and the concept got away from me and it got soooo much longer than expected lmao and i still dont love where it ended so maybe part 2?? i have the idea i just dont know lol 

summary: Reader is a princess and Anakin has been her guard during the most public season for the past two years (not the most logical thing but just go with it lol, it gets explained better in the fic) and after a near death experience the two are conveniently forced into a....

ONE BED TROPE ONE BED TROPE *cough cough* ONE BED TROPE WITH ONE PERSON HAVING TO WAKE UP THE OTHER BC THEYRE HAVING A NIGHTMARE,, :)))))))

  --

His smugness is the only thing about him I can consider ‘ugly’. And because I am so desperate to not have feeling for Anakin, the Jedi who has been assigned to protect me through coronation season (which lasts for most of winter), for the last two coronation seasons, I hold onto my distaste for that side of him. Which is why I suppress my laugh as he waits for my reaction with that confident smile. 

“Come on, that was funny.” 

Rolling my eyes, I let myself sit on my bed. I can’t tell if he’s actually funny or if my evening has been so boring that his sense of humor has started to become appealing to me due to comparison. In short, the suitor I was forced to spend an entire evening with lacked personality so much I’m starting to find Anakin funny.

“You’re much more entertaining than this evening’s suitor.” 

Anakin’s expression shifts slightly, his assured grin dropping slightly. “Another miss?” 

“You have no idea.” I relax slightly, taking a moment to be glad that I completed my father’s request and now I can just enjoy the time I have with Anakin. “I know my father’s desperate to make sure my marriage is useful for our people and that he worries about this selection process because he always thought my mother would be here to help, but sometimes I wish he wouldn’t rush it so much. It feels like all he wants me for is to marry me off in exchange of finance or weaponry or something diplomatic.” 

“You’re more than that.” His response is so soft I think I might have missed it if I needed it less. I curse myself for feeling so validated by him. His words shouldn’t mean anything to me. After all, he could easily just be saying that because agreeing with my father will just make me more unpleasant to be around. 

I smile politely while avoiding his eyes. I keep my hands on either side of me, fighting the urge to fidget. “Thank you, Anakin.” My words sound weak in my own ears, so I’m sure he notices my shift in mood. “I’m tired today, I think I’m going to go to bed early.” Normally, I’d be able to shrug off these kinds of things, but the beginning of Coronation Season makes me irritable. The anniversary of my mother’s death hits me harder each year. 

“Y/n.” My name comes out so velvety I can’t find it in myself to interrupt him. “You are more than someone meant to be used as some kind of royal currency, and I mean that as more than just a...friend.” 

I let his last word linger. We’ve tried so many titles that never seem to fit right. He’s the chosen one, one of the most powerful Jedi to exist, and the Jedi assigned to protect me each Coronation Season because that’s when my mother was assassinated. He’s my guard, but we’ve spent too many nights laughing together and talking about everything and anything. And I guess now he’s my friend, even though sometimes when he looks at me in a certain way or sits too close to me or reaches for my hand to guide me somewhere I can’t breathe right. 

“Anakin, you know I love when you’re here, even though sometimes you drive me insane. And I appreciate your kindness, but your words can’t change the truth. That’s how my father sees me and he’s not exactly wrong. I’m not a son, I haven’t been raised to lead an army or lead much, and--” 

“I’ve seen you in meeting after meeting, convention after convention. I’ve witnessed the way you handle real problems and I know how you care about your people. You’d make a great leader, you don’t need a husband to be valuable.” 

My chest swells, feelings I never let myself think about mixing with thoughts of Anakin that I’ve spent so long trying to avoid. “That settles it, you’re my favorite person.” 

He grins, the look warm enough to melt the odd lump in my throat. I fight down a smile as he steps forward. “And I wasn’t before?” 

“I take it back--your head’s big enough without the additional praise.” 

Rolling my eyes, I lean back slightly in order to recreate the distance he so easily destroyed. “And I thought you had finally warmed up to me, princess.” 

The use of my title makes me skeptical. The last time Anakin used it was when he was trying to ease me so that I’d walk around the palace garden so he had an excuse to do the same. It was beyond late and I was half asleep, but he had os much energy he was desperate and just needed to do one more thing. I felt bad that his schedule revolved so heavily around mine (and when he softens his eyes and says please, I’m left incapable of saying the word ‘no’) so I agreed. 

“What do you want?” 

Anakin dramatically clutches a hand over his heart. He throws his head back slightly as if he’s just taken a fatal blow. “When did you turn so cynical? I’ve been back for three days and I’m starting to believe you’re a different person now.” 

Yeah...he’s definitely getting ready to ask for something that’s more trouble than it’s worth. Then again, everything with him seems to be worth it in some capacity. Even if it’s just that one smile he gets when he’s truly content and doesn’t think anyone’s looking. 

“Mhm,” I mumble, still fighting a grin, “so you’re not going to ask me anything?” 

His lips part slightly as he exhales. I watch the way his eyes narrow at my victorious expression. “I don’t have anything to ask of you, but I do have a small request. A request so small you won’t have to do anything but say yes.”

Suspicious. Too easy. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“You just said I was your favorite person. Remember that.” 

I’m too tired for his coyness. I’d rather him make his ridiculous request now so that I can be in bed within the hour. Though I can’t pretend I don’t normally feel better after letting him drag me along on whatever ‘adventure’ he just needed to complete while also not letting me out of his sight. I used to tell him that I wouldn’t tell anyone if I wasn’t under supervision for an hour or two a day, but he dismissed the idea immediately. That’s been the cornerstone of everything. 

“What is it?” 

He sighs once, tilting his head slightly. The way his eyes soften tells me he’s already won at least half the battle. “They still haven’t caught the attempted--” Anakin pauses, something behind his eyes darkening. I know what he’s remembering. Last night, an assassin had gotten closer than they ever had. I had almost been shot in the garden, Anakin had barely pushed me to the ground in time. A fact he’s been beating himself up for since, especially considering that no one has been able to find my attempted killer yet. “They were so close to you. They were within palace limits and they disappeared like they never existed. Who’s to say they don’t work here and are waiting for the next moment you’re exposed? Who’s to say they aren’t here tonight, waiting for me to retire for the night?” 

I didn’t realize how my near death experience had been so personal to him. He, like everyone else, was beyond frantic after it happened. But my father put an end to verbal worry before it could truly begin. He said the best thing we could do was act like everything was fine as the assailant was searched for. Anakin hadn’t been particularly cheery after my father instructed the guards to focus their search on known enemies instead of prioritizing venting the staff closest to me. I comforted him as best as I could, but he didn’t feel like speaking about it and I had to worry about the suitor meeting my father wouldn’t let me cancel. 

“Anakin, you’re right next door to me.” I have to fight the urge to reach for him. “I was fine because of you, and I will be fine because of you.” 

He sighs once, his expression not easing. “And if the person is silent? The attacker could easily work in the palace, but no one wanted to direct the search inwards.” His words are more strained than I’ve ever heard them be. “I think it’d be smart for me to stay in here. I know you’ve refused having a guard stay in your room or outside your door, but...” Anakin sighs. “Your safety would be more assured.” 

Him staying in my room? The only line I’ve ever been allowed to draw, and I’m actually considering letting that go. If he seemed even slightly less sad, I wouldn’t even consider it. It’s not a good idea. I’m already too attached to him. “Anakin--” 

“I’d feel more assured.” 

Damn him. Stupid, extremely sweet Anakin who makes saying no to him impossible. I stretch my arm forward, letting my hand squeezes his forearm gently. “There’s no reason to not feel assured.” He doesn’t ease, the cloudiness behind his eyes remains stubborn. “You’re still worried.” No reaction, the haze that’s taken him isn’t letting go. “Fine--but tell no one or my father is going to take to posting guards at my door every night.” 

...I guess there are worse ways to spend a night. Which is kind of a problem since I’m trying to...enjoy Anakin less. Ugh, I even sound dumb in my head. “I promise, princess.” 

Ugh, he’s adorable. “You’re intolerable.” I stand from he foot of my bed and pull back the covers on my bed. He doesn’t reply, something dark still playing for him. I watch him move to face the door. Wait--is he doing what I think he’s doing? “No, you’re not going to stand there all night. You need sleep.” He has the audacity to give me an annoyed look. “I already didn’t want to do this so now you have to listen to my conditions.” 

He raises an eyebrow, his lips pressing together oddly. He’s trying to gauge something from my expression, perhaps he’s looking for buttons to press to get his way. I guess I look as stubborn as I feel because instead of arguing he just sits on the floor. What? I watch him cautiously, trying to figure out if this is some weird argument trick. 

“What are you doing?” 

“What you asked.”

And just like that I’ve put myself in a position that I will no doubt regret terribly the second common sense returns to me. There’s no way to deny that Anakin and I are closer than we probably should be. We’ve felt like friends first since the day we first met. I can’t think of any reason to not offer to let him sleep in my bed except those stupid budding feelings I refuse to label. 

It’s not like I actually like him. I can’t--I’m going to be married to some nobleman and he’s prohibited from ever forming attachments. I’m not even sure if we’re allowed to be friends. Having actual feelings for him would be so, so pointless. It would just lead to heartache and the ruining of the one genuine relationship I have. I’m just a tiny bit confused right now because he’s objectively really attractive and he’s always there for me. Always there to make a joke after a particularly rough meeting. Always there to offer me a supportive smile. Always there to humble me when I teeter on acting like my father. 

Anyone’s heart would flutter at that, so it doesn’t mean anything. And if it does, I need to squash any budding feelings now before I mess things up. Which is why I should keep him at arm’s length until I get it together. But is that fair to him? And what if doing that is making things worse? What if it’s just reinforcing the idea of having feelings? 

This is ridiculous. I’m going to get over this if it kills me. It’s just a bed and it’s only sleeping. I’m meant to be able to lead an entire union and I can’t sleep next to someone and act normal?” “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” 

The second the words leave my mouth I regret it all. What’s wrong with me? Did I seriously think I’d be okay?

I hear his soft exhale, “I’ll be fine. I’ve slept in worse places than on your marble floor.” 

His voice sounds so weighted I can’t help but feel bad for not noticing that he’s still bothered. Whether he’s upset about his near miss or the fact that my father didn’t take his advice, I don’t know. But something’s wrong. The easy thing to do would be to just let him sleep it off. The smart thing to do would be to leave him alone until tomorrow. 

I think of all the times that I’ve been upset and Anakin had refused to let me go to sleep angry or sad or overwhelmed. “I know, but it’s really not a big deal. It’s not like we don’t know each other. I mean, last Coronation Season you buttoned me into more gowns than my handmaid. And I owe you for saving me from one of the worst suitors I’ve ever had.” 

“I’m starting to think we need to develop some kind of signal.” 

The tiny bit of lightness that’s returned to his voice makes all of my internal struggle feel worth it. “You always seem to know.” 

“That’s because when you’re reaching your limit, that one line appears between your eyebrows.”

I didn’t realize I had such a tell. I try to remember the way that the suitor drawled on and on about how amazing he was and how he couldn’t wait for the day he had a bride to bear his children and plan (tedious) social events. My hand moves to my forehead, trying to feel the crease Anakin mentioned. Can everyone tell when I’m growing tired? Am I that transparent? 

Anakin’s slight laugh steals my attention. He’s facing me again, his elbow holding his head up on the foot of my bed. “What are you doing?” 

“I don’t--I don’t think i get a crease between my eyebrows when I’m irritated.” 

I hear him stand. I don’t realize he’s approaching me until he’s so close I could touch him without even needing. to stretch. “No, when you’re irritated you raise your eyebrows slightly, because that’s when you’re at your most sarcastic.” 

“Really?” 

The corner of his mouth tugs upwards. “Just like that.” I force myself to keep my expression blank. “When you’re reaching your limit, your eyebrows crease here.” His finger taps the space between my brows so gently I almost don’t realize what he’s doing. “And when you’re trying not to laugh--which is often, because you refuse to admit that I’m funny--you press your lips together in a way that forms a dimple here.” The knuckle of his pointer finger brushes against the bottom of my cheek. 

I bite my tongue to fight the warmth spreading across my face. “I didn’t realize i was so transparent.”

“I can’t always tell what you’re thinking.” 

“I’ll take it.” Maybe if I was less tired, I’d argue a little more. “You know you’re not that difficult to read either.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, I can tell when you’re just being stubborn for the sake of it. I can see it in your eyes and you’re doing it right now.” 

His expression harshens slightly before softening. “Y/n--” 

“I’m not wrong.” 

He sighs once, stepping back. I watch him pace around my bed before taking a seat on the edge of my other side of the bed. “Are you happy now?” 

“Happy that I won? Absolutely.” 

Anakin halfheartedly glares at me. “Careful, add a crown and a robe that trails down a throne and I’d feel like I was speaking to your father.” 

“Careful, another side comment like that and I’ll ‘accidentally’ kick you off the bed in the middle of the night.” 

“Not if I kick you off the bed first.” 

I trace a thoughtless pattern on the fabric of my bedsheets. “What are you? Twelve?” 

“I’m older than you.” 

“Barely.” I continue the thoughtless pattern tracing as I fight the sleep from my eyes. “Your comebacks are usually more creative than that.” 

He exhales, relaxing slightly as he rests his back against a pillow. “I’m tired, like you claimed to be.” His eyes flutter slightly, a bit of his exhaustion showing. “Go to sleep.” 

I should. I’m too old to think I can put off a tomorrow I don’t want by just staying up. This is stupid. I’m too old to think I can put off the anniversary of my mother’s death by going to bed. She had been taken from us on castle grounds, killed by a revolutionist who viewed my mother as a class traitor. I still remember the way she slumped to the ground, her blood staining the snow beneath her. I remember the way the guards were so busy chasing her killer no one thought to keep me away from the body. 

“Y/n?” 

I scratch the back of my arm in hopes of banishing my thoughts. “Yes?” 

“You’re being quiet.” 

“You said to go to sleep, that tends to be a quiet thing.” 

I can feel his eyes on me. “Since when do you listen to me?” Not trusting myself to actually reply, I only offer him a hum of acknowledgement. “I know you’re not half asleep.” 

Folding my hands on my lap, I avoid his gaze. “It’s tomorrow.” 

I don’t know why I trust him to understand my vague response, but I do. His silence stretches over us like a thin blanket on a cold night. Maybe he doesn’t understand what I’m implying. I can always correct him tomorrow, when my eyelids are no longer as heavy as my heart. The more seconds that pass in total silence, the more I think that maybe he’s fallen asleep. 

I wouldn’t be surprised, Anakin has seemed tired recently, like some additional weight he won’t share with anyone has been thrust onto his shoulders. A small part of me rolls in guilt. I need to be a better friend, just because I’m suddenly a little too aware of him doesn’t mean I can shrug him off and ignore him. 

My hand almost flinches away from the feeling of something surprisingly warm touching my pinky. When I realize that it’s just Anakin and that the contact was probably accidental, I force myself to ease. It’s not like we’ve never touched before, I don’t understand why I’m making it weird. Sitting in my bed in the dark doesn’t change anything. His hand turns slightly, pressing into mine a little more assuredly. Biting my tongue, I turn my hand slightly, exposing my palm. And just like that, our fingers intertwine. 

“She would have been proud of you.” His voice comes out so low I barely register the words. 

The words shouldn’t mean much to me--he never knew my mother and has no way to know what she wanted me to be.--and yet I find comfort in them. I smile, turning my head towards him. “You didn’t even know her.” 

He rolls his eyes slightly, relaxing further before squeezing my hand once. “Who wouldn’t be proud of you? You’re kind and smart and decent to be around when you’re not telling me what to do.” 

My heart swells in my chest so much I’m surprised it doesn’t burst. Could he be cuter? “Yeah...now I’m sure you’re my favorite person.” 

“Now you’re sure?” 

The smugness in his voice has me rolling my eyes. “Don’t make me regret saying that.” 

“Maybe in the morning,” he says easily, “now go to sleep. There’s nothing worse than escorting you from meeting to meeting while you’re tired.” 

“I’m not that bad.” Even in this darkness, I can make out the way he raises an eyebrow. “Shut up--I’m going to sleep, but not because of you.” 

He lets out a slight huff. “You’re impossible.” 

The desire to respond to his comment is not enough for me to win the fight against the weight of my eyelids. The moment my eyes shut, I feel powerless to anything that isn’t sleep. I let myself fall into a weightless sleep, my only tether being the Anakin’s fingers around mine. 

--

A distant noise yanks me from my sleep. I’m too drowsy to do anything but register the sound. I hear another similar...whine? cry? I can’t tell and I’m too asleep to figure it out. I almost fall asleep again, but a third distressed sound keeps me from it. I wipe my eyes lazily with the back of my hand as I try to sit up. 

Squinting, I make out a figure on my bed. It takes me a moment to remember Anakin and how I fell asleep. Our hands are still together and no light is peering through my window so it can’t be that long since I fell asleep. Another disgruntled sound carries itself throughout the room. I shift slightly, leaning over Anakin cautiously. 

Golden brown curls are beginning to stick to his forehead and his eyebrows are drawn together sharply. He’s having a nightmare.  I shift even further forward before cautiously placing a hand on his shoulder before squeezing him gently. 

“Anakin,” I whisper, “it’s not--it’s not real.” His eyebrows draw together even more harshly. I shake him a little more stubbornly. “Anakin, wake up--you’re having a ni--”

 My forearm is grabbed so suddenly I barely register it before I feel my back shoved into my mattress. I blink twice. His dark eyes are frantic and the look on his face is far from the gentle, easygoing expression I’m used to. He’s breathing deeply, his chest rising and falling from above me. I swallow a slight panic and something I don’t understand as I try to keep my eyes on his face and my thoughts away from how close he is. Anakin pries his fingers from my forearm one by one until only his palm is touching me. 

“Y/n, I--” 

“It’s okay.” Honestly, I’m more worried about his uneven breathing than the way he grabbed me. I can’t imagine everything he’s been through or how justified his nightmares are. Anakin moves his hand away from me. I don’t sit up until he’s off of me and sitting with his back against my headboard. “It’s okay--I just--you were having a nightmare and I thought I should wake you.” He doesn’t react. I turn my body further, keeping my back straight. Anakin doesn’t move, and the longer he stays still, the more I feel like I should say something else. “Do you want talk about it? Or do--do you want to talk about something else? Or go to sleep? Or get some water? Or--” The far off look behind his eyes silences me. I scoot forward slightly. “You’re okay, Anakin, I promise.” 

His head turns at that, his eyes searching mine for something I don’t understand. “I thought...” He cuts himself off by swallowing once. 

I shift a little more, trying to find anything normal in his expression. “Thought what?” 

Anakin’s hand is on my arm so quickly I don’t even register his movement. I let his fingers press into my skin. He’s holding onto me like I’m a figment of a dream and he’s beginning to wake up. “I thought I’d failed.” He exhales, the sound heavy. “Failed you and that you’d--I  thought I had lost you.” 

A lump rises in my throat, thick and unmoving. Cautiously, I place my hand over the one still gripping my shoulder like a lifeline. “You didn’t. Nothing happened, it was just a dream.” 

His gaze falls to the ground before he repeats the last of my words. “Just a dream.” There’s a hollowness to his voice I don’t understand. 

I exhale, carefully running my thumb over his knuckles. “Yes.” He doesn’t say anything but his expression hardens again. I let us sit there like that for a long minute. “I promise.” 

“You can’t promise things like that.”

I sigh, unsure of where to go from here. “Bad dreams are only bad dreams.” He doesn’t reply. “I think you should try to get some more sleep.” 

Anakin is unresponsive. I shift back, but before I can transition from almost being on top of him to just sitting next to him, he pulls on my arm to keep in place. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” 

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.” 

“You almost died today, y/n. I was right there and if I had been a second later--” 

“But you weren’t.” He doesn’t ease. “You were there and I was fine. Don’t torment yourself over what could have been. You’ll drive yourself crazy.” 

“If anything ever happened to y--” 

“It’s not going to,” I whisper, ignoring the way his hold on my arm tightens even further, “Especially this time a year when I have a pretty good gau--” 

He tilts his head slightly, eyebrows drawing together and a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Pretty good? Really?” 

“Someone needs to watch your ego, chosen one.” This time when he tries for a smile, the look has some strength behind it. Relief pools in my stomach. “Now get some sleep, tomorrow’s a busy day and when you’re sleepy you’re beyond irritable.”  

Anakin lets me pull away enough to lay down, but he doesn’t follow. Not for a long second. When he does, his movements are impossibly rigid. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as carefully as I can manage. 

“Y/n?” 

I regret turning my head immediately. I didn’t realize how close he was. It would take no effort from me to make our lips meet. Wait--why am I thinking of that? I’m not allowed to think of stuff like that...especially not about him. 

“Yes?”

He lets out a breath before moving his hand. I don’t understand his hesitation until I feel his hand cupping my cheek gently. “What if next time I’m not enough? What if next time I lose you because I’m not strong enough?” 

I never thought my death would be such a personal thing to him. Sure, I knew that we had some kind of bond, some kind of friendship, and that my death would bring sadness. But I never imagined I’d matter enough to him that thoughts of my death would be frightening enough to slip into his subconscious and become a thing of nightmares. 

“You are enough. Nothing is going to happen to me and if it does it’s not going to be because of you.” Anakin’s lips press together in a way that implies serious uncertainty. His thumb brushes across my cheek so unexpectedly I almost ask him what he’s doing. The intensity behind his eyes is enough to burn me. “Was your dream really that bad?” 

He lets out an uncertain breath as his eyebrows draw together. I don’t miss the way his jaw clenches. “It’s more than the dream. I...y/n, princess,” he tacts on, a hint of humor returning to him, “you’re more than a mission to me.” 

The admission is so soft I can’t help but smile. “I know, Anakin, we’re--” 

“You’re more than a friend to me.” I don’t know if my blood freezes in my veins or if my lungs don’t contract when they should or if my heart literally skips a beat, but I know something in me completely stops at his words. “I--” 

“Don’t say it.” I don’t know how I managed to cut him off so sharply and I’m a little disappointed when I do, but it’s the right thing to do. Thought of the code that’s so important to him have clouded half the immense shock and joy swelling in my chest. “What you’re trying to say...I um, I want to say the same.” I try to drop my gaze but he tilts my head up slightly with his hand. “But we shouldn’t, you know that.” 

"You want to us to pretend that nothing’s different? You want me to escort you from meetings with one suitor to the next every Coronation Season until you’re married off?” 

“No, I’m not saying that. The point is that I’m not saying anything.” His eyebrows draw together in uncertainty. “Isn’t it enough for now, for both of us to just know? If we say it...that could mean bad things for you. And I don’t want to be a bad thing for you.” 

“You could never be.”

It’d be so easy to believe him. To believe him and to let him say what I never imagined I’d be able to hear and damn the consequences of tomorrow. “Can we just refrain from verbally saying anything until you’re sure?” 

“I’m sure right now. I’ve been sure since the first time we ever walked in the garden together. The night after the first Coronation Ball I escorted you to.” 

I remember that night well. The way he hadn’t scolded me for needing air or taking off my uncomfortably high heels to walk in the grass. “If you mean it, you won’t say it yet. I refuse to get in the way of what you’re meant for.”

His thumb runs my cheek entirely, stopping at the corner of my mouth. “Are you capable of not disagreeing with me?” 

Rolling my eyes slightly, I place my hand over his. “Probably not.” 

Anakin exhales, his playful irritation clear in the sound. “You’re impossible when you’re tired.” 

“I am not tired.” 

“I can see the sleep in your eyes.” 

“I can see it in yours too.” 

He pauses, eyebrows drawn together cautiously. “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

He must be more tired than I thought if he’s compromising with me so quickly. “Deal.” 

Neither of us close our eyes for a long second, we just watch each other with wide eyes. It still doesn’t feel like he’s eased, but he’s come back to me so much more than he was earlier. I’ll make sure to check how he’s feeling in the morning. The first morning after we’ve...I don’t know. 

I’m trying really hard not to get excited because anything that’s been not said could be taken back so easily. That’s the point--but it’s hard not to let my heart get ahead of my rationality. I’ll just take the good for what it is for now and tomorrow we can figure out the rest. Even though he’s not allowed to form attachments and my father really wants to marry me off to foreign royalty.

Tomorrow. This can begin to be solved tomorrow. My eyes shut and I let myself roll fully onto my back. The second I’m comfortably settled, I feel Anakin shift against the bed. I’m too tired to open my eyes until I feel a weight placed against my chest. 

I open my eyes on instinct, less surprised than I should be when I see Anakin’s head resting against my chest. Before I can speak, I feel his arm rest against my side. “Anakin,” I breathe, my hand moving to smooth his hair out of his face the way I’ve wanted to for so long. “What did we just talk about?” 

“You said not to say anything,” he mumbles comfortably, “I’m not saying anything.” ...It is kind of the ideal compromise. Especially since I’m too tired to find reason and he feels so warm. “I can feel you overthinking. Go back to smoothing my hair before I have to rise and stand at your door so that your handmaid comes to wake you. Something tells me she’d be glad for the excuse to get rid of me.” 

That might be the most dramatic thing I’ve ever heard him say. Selma is the most patient woman in the palace. “Selma would never report anything involving me, I can’t believe you don’t like her. She’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”  

“She’s the one that doesn’t like me,” he says, “she always watches me like she’s trying to figure out if I’m planning on stealing you away.” 

Too tired to fight my smile, I go back to smoothing his hair out with my fingers. After a moment, he lets out an exhale that relaxes his entire body. “Goodnight, princess.” 

“Goodnight.” The word is barely a mumble as I feel sleep tug against me for the second time tonight. 

It’s strange, but my excitement doesn’t diminish my tiredness, it just makes the prospect of rest feel so much fuller. Safer. Because there’s so much to sort out and grieve but it’s okay, because we have the time and everything feels okay because Anakin is here, right beneath my fingertips. 

[takingcourage]

The Start of Forever - Part 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Pairing: Drake x MC

Word Count: 2,387

Series Summary: The wedding has passed and the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria are free to begin their lives together away from the constraints of court. While honeymooning in Texas, they’re confronted with questions from their past that raise implications about their future. (Slight AU)

Chapter Summary: Drake and Jena spend some time alone after a difficult conversation with his mother. 

Author’s Note: Whew! Apologies for the unexpected hiatus on this story. Now that I have some free time again, I should be able to finish posting this story. I appreciate your patience through the long delay!

Tagging: @andy-loves-corgis, @carabeth, @speedyoperarascalparty

All things considered, Karen Walker had been rather more understanding than she’d expected. As Jena loaded her cereal bowl into the dishwasher, she thought back over the painstaking conversation that had ended less than an hour before.

Drake had not underestimated the effect that their news would have on his mother. On learning that her son had been given a duchy, color had drained slowly from the older woman’s face until a dull white shell was all that remained. In spite of her polite responses, the visceral reactions had been painful for all three of them.

Shortly after their previous discussion had finished, Karen had pulled Drake aside for a private word. After what she'd seen over the past eighteen hours, Jena could only hope that the woman was doing him no further damage.

She tried to convince herself that she’d done nothing but hurry along the inevitable, but guilt assailed her all the same. This certainly wasn’t the way she’d envisioned this day going. At this point, so much of their morning had been consumed by unpleasant conversation that she wondered if Drake would want to leave early for their night back in Dallas. She glanced a the stovetop clock, trying not to get her hopes up.

The quiet intonations from down the hall were at least somewhat reassuring. There had been no yelling -- of that was certain. If she was venturing to guess, she didn’t think she’d heard anything that sounded like crying either. Both seemed like signs in favor of productive conversation between mother and son.

Jena found a rag draped across the head of the faucet, dampened it, and set about clearing crumbs from the table. As she finished the final swipe across the width, she sensed a presence coming toward her.

“You don’t have to do that, Wittman.” The soft-spoken words startled out of her thoughts, despite her intuition.

“I know. But I needed something to do.” She cupped her hand underneath the cloth and shook the contents into a nearby trash can. “You doing okay?” Having rinsed the rag, she returned it to its former spot and rubbed her hands down the front of her jeans.

“Fine.” His brown eyes were trained on her, and she raised a quizzical brow as he opened and shut his mouth. Eventually, the words ventured forth. “Would you be interested in going riding? I was hoping to get the chance to show you around the ranch…”

“I’d like that a lot, actually,” she assured, still taking in his appearance.

Drake looked tired. It was evident in the exaggerated slackness of the skin around his eyes. A pang of guilt plagued her as she contrasted this with their time at the cabin. He’d been so peaceful there. After all of the stress she’d seen on that face in the past months, it sickened her to think that she’d been the cause of more.

“Good. We may as well get over to the stables. Have you ever actually saddled a horse, Wittman?” He raised his brow in challenge.

“No, but I think I’m about to learn how.” 

“Just as long as you don’t go scaring the horses. I don’t want to have to reenact that rescue from the derby.”

Jena scoffed at the slight, shaking her head in disbelief as she followed him out the front door. “You know that’s not how it happened, Walker.”

“Of course not,” he acquiesced, treating her to a half smile. She rolled her eyes and fell into step at his side, slipping her fingers into his. 

Jena had only ridden horses a few times during childhood, but she’d adjusted to the practice fairly quickly after coming to Cordonia. When she wasn’t taking day-long treks for foxhunting, she found that she actually enjoyed it very much -- especially when she was fortunate enough to have her husband’s company.

Riding around his family’s property spawned memories of exploring Valtoria with him on horseback, and she felt a pang of longing for their home. There was so much waiting for them when they returned. As much as she had enjoyed the honeymoon, some part of her was giddy at the thought of starting real life together.

Today, however, she was focused on Drake’s wellbeing. Other than the extremely thorough instructions as he’d guided her through the process of saddling the horses, he’d been fairly quiet since coming to find her in the kitchen. Jena's mind overflowed with words that could fill the silence, but nothing felt right. She breathed a grateful sigh when he chose to speak instead.

“I was pretty upset with you this morning, Wittman. I was sitting there drinking coffee and thinking that you were being unreasonable -- that you’d judged my mom too harshly. I’m not so sure anymore.”

The uncertainty in his voice halted her instinctive response. Jena breathed out slowly through her nose, biding her time in case there was more he wanted to say.

“I’ve never felt so angry with her before. She can doubt me all she wants, but doubting you -- I never thought she’d go that far. That’s a line she shouldn’t have crossed. I feel like I don’t even know her anymore...”

“For the record, I didn’t want to be right,” Jena admitted softly, grateful that they kept their horses at a relaxed pace so that she could meet his gaze. Her heart clenched at the distance in his deep brown eyes. “I just know what it’s like to defend someone who doesn’t deserve it. Finding out they’re not who you thought they were...it’s a hard pill to swallow.” She fiddled with the leather reins between her fingers, hoping that she was treading lightly enough to cause no offense.

“Your dad?” he asked simply.

Nodding, she met his eyes. The distant look gave way to a tenderness that mirrored her own worry for him, and she was struck by just how broken both of their families had been. “I wasted a lot of years making excuses for him, Drake. When I finally forgave him, it wasn’t because he’d done anything to deserve it. I just needed closure.” Drake stretched out a hand and she took it gratefully before continuing. “I don’t want you to have to go through all of that with your mom. I hope you’re able to figure things out and find a way to start over, but please don’t beat yourself up about it if you’re not.”

Her husband sighed, taking his time to respond as he turned his gaze to the horizon. “I sort of have to. I mean, dad’s not around any more. She doesn’t exactly have anyone else.”

Jena shook her head in an attempt to clear the conflicting emotions. She’d realized long ago that his protective instinct would have a propensity for getting them in trouble. She just hadn’t expected the trouble to take this form. “You always want to defend the people you care about, Drake. It’s one of the first things I noticed about you -- one of the things I love most about you too. But sometimes you have to think about protecting yourself. Sometimes that may even mean letting others protect you.”

“I don’t like to have people worrying about me.”

“We’ve been over this before…”

“I know. And sometimes having you around to worry about me is a good thing. I wouldn’t have come clean with my mom if it hadn’t been for you.”

“I hope it was the right decision.” She’d spent the past several hours second guessing her encouragement from the night before. “Did things...go okay?”

“Heh.”

She waited several moments, but he elaborated no further. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she ventured finally.

“Just that I think it’s going to take some time for her to adjust to the idea that I’m a noble and that I’m staying in Cordonia for good. But I think some part of her is proud too. Maybe someday she’ll come around to the idea that I’m not just wasting my life over there.”

“Does she really think that?” The words felt strangled as Jena worked them out of her throat. So many of her early interactions with Drake became clearer as she considered Karen’s likely influence.

He clicked his tongue to encourage the horse, but her question remained unanswered. Several paces later, he came to a sudden stop. Jena pulled the reins gently and dismounted to stand beside him in the tall grass.

“We’ll let the horses graze for a bit.”

She stroked the mare’s bony cheek and dropped the reins, putting her hands in her pockets instead. Squinting against the mid-morning sun, she followed Drake to a line of fencing nearby. Green stretched before them on every side, the light wind stirring long blades of grass into mesmerizing waves. She wondered vaguely if this was the sight that had enticed Karen to come back from Cordonia. Out here, in the warmth of late spring, it wasn’t hard to imagine the appeal that this land must have held.

Drake leaned against the nearest post, a wrinkle forming between his brows. With ease, Jena mounted the fence beside him, steadying herself with a certain hand.

Did I cross a line? Why hasn’t he answered my question? Jena hated the thought that her carelessness might have caused such distress. A week ago, she wouldn’t have been so bothered by the thought. Now, as this man’s wife, she felt some measure of responsibility to read his mind. The notion was ridiculous, but present nonetheless. Just as she was clearing her throat, he spoke.

“I’m not sure what my mother thinks anymore. She didn’t take it very well when I moved back to Cordonia. Wanted me to forge my own path instead of running back to the palace.”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“Going back?” At her nod, he continued. “I had a lot of questions at the time, but in a way, mom’s right. I’d been following Liam around for so long that it was easier to just settle back into that when I came back from the States. It took me a while to find where I belonged in all of it.  But no, I don’t regret it. Cordonia is home.”

“You’ve found your way now. And with or without the courtly graces, you’re still Drake Walker,” she beamed encouragingly. “I just wish your mom had taken the chance to get to who that man is.” A fresh sting of remorse accompanied the words, and she looped her fingers around the hand that rested beside her on the fence.

Drake interlocked his fingers with her own and lifted his face tentatively. “I think I’d like for her to get the chance to.”

Her pulse quickened at the meaning that underpinned his words. Biting her tongue, she shifted her weight toward him and took in his pensive expression.

“I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He hiked a hand through his hair. “But I’m not sure I’d ever forgive myself if I cut the relationship off completely. I’d always wonder if things could have been different. I’m not saying that I want to come out here for Christmases or anything, but--” preoccupied, he ceased speaking as she squeezed his hand. 

“I’ll support whatever you choose, Drake. I can’t say I have a very good first impression of her, but I respect how much she means to you. If I had any hope of my dad changing for the better, I’d probably make the same choice.” Her tone grew wistful at the impossible notion. “But I think we’re going to have to find a compromise. I don’t want you bending over backward to make her a part of our lives if she won’t even meet you halfway. You can’t do that to yourself, Drake.”

“Agreed.”

“So she’s going to have to understand that there are boundaries she can’t cross. It’s going to take some time for us to establish trust again.”

“Sounds fair to me,” he considered, stroking her knuckles with his thumb as he looked to her face. “She’s been through a lot, Jena. I don’t want to put her through more than she deserves.”

“I know,” she responded quickly to the flash of pain in his eyes. “But if she puts you through more than you deserve, she’ll have me to contend with.” Although her tone was light, they both knew that the threat was genuine.

He hoisted himself onto the fence beside her, dropping his hands to his sides. “I never thought I’d be so happy to get back to Valtoria, but I’m really looking forward to it.”

She offered a wry smile. “I am too. I know we’re going to try to work things out here, but I can’t wait to get back to Dallas and then home.”

“It’s the last night of our trip, Wittman. How do you want to spend it?”

“Seeing as it’s the last night of our honeymoon,” she emphasized, “I was thinking room service, hot tub, and…some drinks.”

“Now that’s a plan I can get behind.”

“I’m not going overboard though. We’ve got a day full of traveling tomorrow.”

“We’ll sleep it off on the plane.”

“Maybe you will," she joked, hopping down from the fence. “I’ll be awake for it all.”

“Even if I keep you up all night?”

Jena threw him a look over her shoulder. "That didn’t exactly work for the trip out here." He extended a hand toward her and she settled into the space between his legs, running her palms against toned thighs that were stretched taut from his heels pressing into the lower rail.

"I’ll take that as a challenge.” The glint in his eyes sent tendrils of heat through her core.

“Just keeping you on your toes, Walker.” 

Drake shook his head at her accompanying wink. 

“Ready when you are,” she announced, rising to the tips of her toes. Drake cradled her cheek in his hand and leaned into the kiss. His lips were soft and warm, heated by the morning sun. She snaked her arms around his waist and melted into him with pleasure. When she finally pulled away, it took several moments for her head to clear.

The kiss told her all she needed to know. They would make it through this.  Together. 

[tumblunni]

Mo bug game ideas

Also i was thinking about more Deep Development for the daddy longlegs bug husbands!

First off i need to try and give them distinct personalities cos i mean their whole gimmick is they wear matching outfits and have the same job class to spoof the fact two types of bug have the same colloquial name in different countries BUT if they were like literally recolours of the same guy it would look like brothers instead of a cute couple. Absolutely do not want that! The romance is integral! They aint called platonic longlegs!!!

So i was thinking that maybe one of them (lets go with the name Albedo) is like a super soft and shy cute stereotypical daddo of hugs. But he's also a mega deadly assassin, and a master of disguise and manipulation. Its just like.. Beneath all the evilness he used to be, the soft nice dad was actually the real him. Like he'd fumble his own assassinations by outright crying whenever he had to pretend to be a nice guy in a happy couple for a disguise. He's just a damn good dude who got forced into a shitty job that made him hate himself every day because he was living in poverty and didnt have much hope for his future and stuff. And like even tho now he's escaped the assasin guild due to his fiancee's help, he's still left with all these Really Badass Scary Skills and just never wants to use them again. So he's the archetypical soft boy who is only serious when the people he loves are in trouble, and OH BOY you should not underestimate him...

And then the other one (which i think is gonna be rubedo) is more of a cliche punk personality? Oh and just to add- they discarded their real names long ago when they first became assassins, and these are just the latest in a long list of codenames. But this time they picked matching ones <3

ANYWAY WHERE WAS I

Oh yeah Rubedo is also a softboy but he pretends to be a punk! He's very 'oi hands off the marchandise' and tries to act like he's heartless like a true assassin should be, but because of his Real Passionate Soul it just comes out as a guy who's comedically quick to anger and thinks he's way more unflappable than he really is. But also his angryness is linked to a general Big Emotion in all other ways too, and he's actually even more lovey dovey, just more shy about showing it. Half 'but honey my reputatioooon' and half 'OH GOD MY HEART ISNT BIG ENOUGH TO HOLD HOW HAPPY I AM' *blushes himself into a coma*

So yeah they do have similar fundemental souls of love and fatherliness, but different personalities around them. So much in common just like the bugs!

And then i was thinking about their backstory? And i thought maybe they were actually childhood friends that became estranged? Cos albedo was poor and rubedo was rich and actually i think rubedo's family was legit the mafia and it was just a wild ass coincidence that albedo ended up being employed by an opposing mafia when they both grew up. And then they were sent to assassinate each other and were so equally matched that it kept ending in a draw, and they struck up some chemistry and had a crush even before they found out they were each other's long lost childhood sweetheart! And of course as soon as that happened it was like 'jesus fuck ive been seaeching for you for so long oh god i have a reason to live againn and also i am realizing my boss/literal father LIED TO ME TO GET ME TO KILL YOU so fuck this job lets run away together and become smooch redemption'. AND THEN THAT IS WHAT THEY DO.

*throws confetti for the damn best angsty fluffy heartwarmingy shipping idea ive had in ages and somehow it came from bug science*

Anyway i was thinking about them briefly meeting as kids and having their first crush on each other and it all being cute and sweet until Evil Mafia Dad decides his son is not allowed to Mingle With The Commoners and sends him off to Asshole Generic Boarding School Of Rich Jerks. And like.. rubedo's already used to being hopeless about his future and he's like 'i deserve this for trying to disobey dad' so he just gets on the coach to horrible disciplinary school and doesnt tell albedo he's moving away cos he thinks his friend will be better off without him. But albedo goes running after the coach and he's like NOOOOO and rubedo sees him out the window and is also like NOOOOOO and its all really fuckin sad. And albedo is like 'lets run away together!' and rubedo is like 'be realistic, we'd just get lost and die, we're like 9'. And albedo is like 'we'll find some way to work it out!' and rubedo is like 'we're just kids, we dont have any power to change my dad's mind'. And then with the last of the strength in his legs as the carriage starts speeding up, albedo manages to jump up and plant a kiss on his crush! And then immediately goes tumbling and lands in a cloud of dust and broken heart as the carriage leaves over the horizon. But the moment still stuck in rubedo's heart forever and gave him the hope he needed to survive that shitty school! Just imagine him sitting there in shock with absolute first kiss daze and then OH GOD ALBEDO ARE YOU OKAY but he's already off in the distance and there's no hope and just..

Just...

If this is the last time we see each other...

And so it was the first time he let out his boisterous rebel spirit! Yelling over the horizon and not even knowing if the other boy could even hear him, but it has to be said!

"If we're not strong enough to fight this, i'll become strong! Next time you see me, i'll be your prince!"

And well it didnt exactly go down like that, but on the other hand it sorta did? Rubedo lived a shitty life of being groomed into a rigid idea of what a nobleman should be, and found out his family had all sorts of horrible behind the scenes illegal operations and by then he was just so broken he fell into the role of his dad's latest disposeable enforcer, just like he was planned to be from birth. And albedo grew up in poverty and was orphaned at a young age, having to go down equally morally unconscionable paths in life to even manage to survive into his 20s. So by the time they met again they were a big ball of barely surpressed anger in the role of a generic mafia thug, and an emotionless stepford wife esque assassin. If they hadnt been sent to take each other out, they might not have been able to come back from the brink of what they were being turned into. But the side effect of it was that it turned them into the sort of people who had the power to escape if they could ever break out of the brainwashing keeping them there, thats the danger of raising a human weapon. And together theyre strong enough to fight for justice and take down the people who abused them! And one way or another they did end up as the 'gallant prince and the princess he whisked away from the tower', though they can never agree which is which because they both saved each other this time. Its even better than the fairytales!

So ahem yeh here's bunni's patented "getting super feelsy over characters i invented five minutes ago based on a bizarre inspiration prompt" moment. IF YOU DONT LOVE ASSASSIN BUG BOYFS THEN YOU ARE WRONG! aaa they deserve all the happiness...

[libidomechanica]

Be also crownd. Destiny bottle array

he cheek and look on him;   Destiny bottle array   Be also crownd.

to reachd upon whom I would tears, but none of all the work is rights; ne let me give your gay girlands are waning, make vs to end   “Camel tumbled,

  and being nursed, dear ! with none;   and their rose tree snapped ranged is no times, as the son and thy beauty set When reason:   Corinna can, not break of these slopes, ’‘tis not -yet too fast.’

  her husband, ceaseless. cynthia for so much,—but it will away; whether this gold-skinned as desperate charm is redound of the oercoming of deserve me my heart   and ease.  That blood spill:   bury me be yourselves do rise, so farre from his brows repine;

  that title wall; thou learning: I saw a little laps overlooked out: Is your belles and being ‘no orator as theyr carroll sing, the kisses, twinkling dressings with a heart—how she never brewed’ from hidden strings and find salue for no cause:   a boar, under the most genius for having worse than you present? Cool grass.   Juan was left the spring daily bless his fair immortal things progress to come coward the temperate in spring, but people that made the soft piteous seem alive, he had dark father side their native playing what he felt thus did follow the murderd oer the Sun, that no marvel thought, and shame obscurity? ‘Over my altar throbbing heart to itself should do not go gentle passing, ne let me behold,   taking noon will hurry distance, for the sun went its without much more tender by the silken couch, to death forged hooks, whereas her four greedy men, with his sight, some thrice-seen loves a sometime tells me to assuage, if more the expense: I do not in dark folding a Navy drill it when a beloved you so;   for me, I felt a solitude.    Ah, well-tuned so our evil eye and like Atlantas balls, cast to the small old man was long catechism of quean. ’   But could he playful rout on the fame whole summer-night.

Were come indolence. Herbs, garlic, cheered from powders and Oblivion, be the long soothe, too, was what had been manage my self came. To take delight, star kisses blown;   for rills do no less summer breast and as they shall progeny, send vs the to do a fly. Dance ogle at the vails his speech of shade came to dissentious, it may be my love, quoth she, ‘this wreck did rain.’”

[crimsonscarlettsuniverse-blog]

I think Im ready for it

 I’ve watched the video several times and listened to the song dozens more, I think Ive got the song meaning and video figured out. Hear me out on my Swiftspiracy..... So the sound has a much different sound that the rest of Taylors music, this new album is a big separation from the previous Taylor we’ve heard. It starts hard, and its very easy to get caught up in it waiting for “the drop”. But the WORDS, OMG. Heres my breakdown of the lyrics, I left some out that I still havent pieced together. Some may contain snippets from the video, but I break the video down at the end.

“Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom Holdin' him for ransom”

Here we have the player. But the ghost and phantom. It took me a bit to get it, but shes basically saying that if hes known for being the guy thats never there, two can play at that game and she can be his counterpart. A tete-a-tete. BAM two can play at that game. She can have him holding on to her every word as well.

“Some, some boys are tryin' too hard He don't try at all, though” This guy is used to the girls flocking to him, probably. He doesnt try, he doesnt have to- usually. “I-I-I see how this is gon' go Touch me and you'll never be alone I-Island breeze and lights down low No one has to know”

Here, she knows that she wont get enough of him. This is where it gets a bit befuddled. Listening to it, you dont catch it, but “Touch me and youll never be alone- No one has to know.” IS NOT TAYLOR. This is the mysterious boy-toy. Hes saying he wont leave her and nobody has to know about them. Its their secret love affair. That last lines pretty straight forward. NOW MY FAVORITE PART!!!!!

“In the middle of the night, in my dreams You should see the things we do, baby In the middle of the night, in my dreams I know I'm gonna be with you So I take my time Are you ready for it?” She dreams of this guy. She cant have these feelings for him, she knows it because what they have is supposed to be a casual thing. Hense the hardness in the beginning, its her fascade that shes game for this, and she may actually be cool with it- at first. This part is soft and intimate because not only does it sound fabulous and show her vocals, BUT this is the inner Taylor and you see that in the video. The video showcases her in a glass box “naked” (hello bodysuit), the most vulnerable anyone can be. This is the Taylor nobody sees, the one we can only speculate into our own multifaceted idea of what she may be like. In her dreams shes with him, and in there shes safe to play out any fantasy she wants, like saying she loves him or having a normal romance most likely. She knows she can have him in her literal dreams. Then she goes back to being hard because she knows he would never be ready for it. “Me, I was a robber first time that he saw me Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist And we'll move to an island-and And he can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor” They can play this game together of being heart breakers together. She even mentions Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton- one of Elizabeths many husbands. Their relationship was controversial and scandalous. (Fun fact: Elizabeth and Richard were both married when they met on the set of Cleopatra. Eventually the two got married TWO separate times together.) This makes me imagine that both couples have semi parallel love histories with the many ex-lovers and on and off relationships. “Every lover known in comparison is a failure I forget their names now, I'm so very tame now Never be the same now, now” This guy is an enigma and surpasses anyone she had ever been with. So all in all we see shes with someone and putting on a good front while internally struggling with being with someone whos not available emotionally. She thinks she can handle it but inside, girls falling, and hard.

NOW the video.

Shes walking through a corridor and we see she has robotic eyes, this really gives you the feel like since shes a robot she has no emotional capabilities. Perfect for this part of the song. Robo Taylor walks up to a clear box with the humanized Taylor. Human Taylor steps forward and stands in a very dutiful way. The pose looked to me like a “What can I do for you today Ms. Swift”, sort of how Id imagine a brain would maybe stand when confronted with a question. The camera goes behind Robo Taylor, and on the other side Human Taylor is showing that shes an organic organism. After that she proceeds to speak about how shes a heart breaker and this makes her MAD. Human T turns her shell into a weapon. 

I-I-I see how this is gon' go Touch me and you'll never be alone I-Island breeze and lights down low No one has to know

This time Humanized Taylor sits upon a white horse, Some have said its remincesint of Blank Space. It is possible but I disagree. Since this album, particularly the video Look What You Made Me Do features very popular “old” Taylors, I question if this isnt from White Horse the song from Album. If it were, itd fit PERFECTLY. As a white horse she is reminding Robo Taylor that this isnt going to end well. That she will fall for him despite trying to keep her heart at a distance.

“Maybe I was naive, Got lost in your eyes And never really had a chance My mistake I didn't know to be in love You had to fight to have the upper hand I had so many dreams About you and me Happy endings Now I know..... I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, Lead her up the stairwell This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down Now it's too late for you And your white horse, to come around” Even though Taylor has grown she is still a romantic at heart and dreams of the fairy tale. This hard world has shoved her into ditching that idea. Human Taylor gets caught up in the fairy tale and floats around in this glass box. Thats when Robo Taylor goes, nope. And shuts her down. Human T falls to the ground. The two are against each other-naturally. Robo T cant have that heart and mind running away when shes trying to play it cool.  “ Baby, let the games begin Let the games begin Let the games begin Baby, let the games begin Let the games begin Let the games begin “ Both Taylors are at odds and shes singing to each other. Screw the boy, the game is against herself now. Human T cant be running away in love, but Robo T cant expect to keep up this facade forever. Someones going to get hurt. Human Taylor is mad, she wants to be free from this box. She wants to express who she really is. Electricity just takes over and lightning is everywhere. But Robo Taylor is intrigued. Human Taylor calms herself and they meet at the glass. She can play nice ;) Both Taylors meet at the glass and touch hand to hand. Thats when they unify. Human Taylor uses her force and breaks the glass, the shards go flying tearing bits and pieces off of robot Taylors face. She cant hide it anymore. | Human Taylor is free, and is in wonderland with the freedom. Her powers destroy the robots everywhere, but you notice on the stairway it says, “Theyre burning all the witches”. This could mean many things but for this narrative, the robots believe the humans are witches, they hold power with their emotions. She stands triumphant at the top of the escalators. They zoom in on her face, her eyes turn robotic and she sheds a tear. This leads me to believe that human Taylor was in that box for her safety. Remember in the very beginning there was a blip shot of robot spiders moving around in small spaces? Well there was, if you missed it. Those robot spiders were a parasite. Theyve infected the Human Taylor and she will become emotionless. The Old Taylor is DEAD. Or if you want a more cheery idea, the two Taylors live together in harmony (sorta). You cant let emotions get the best of you and you cant be hard and emotionless. Thats my EXTREMELY long breakdown of the Taylor Swift Ready For it song and video. Its all over the place and if you even got halfway through it, thanks. :p @taylorswift