#THIS CAN BE SERIOUS I'M JSUT NOT BEING SERIOUS RN

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary152

2/13-14/2024

tuesday - wednesday

hopefully i will recover soon.

but i should have called out, i am like, in serious pain rn, it makes me feel like, i can't do anything, like i can't make music rn, i can't do anything, i just hurt, feels like fire and stuff in my back and on my skin, very tender, i need to sleep like now basically. so not a lot to say, basically working overextended me, and as soon as i got home i basically just kind of have fallen apart in terms of functioning, i can't cook, and idk what to eat, and i am so hungry, or was, when i got home, i was so hungry it felt like i had to puke, i've eaten some snacks but nothing tangible, standing hurts, moving hurts. my body feels really prisonlike rn, everything is hurting as much as it can, or maybe not, not as much as it can, just way more than it should.

anyway, outside of that, here's something good, someone in a server, this woman who knows a lot of whitebelt bands and stuff, she dug this up, today, and the whole yt channel had a bunch of songs off this, so i made it a playlist so people can listen easier. it's really good, great whitebelt, makes me very happy to hear it:

this has the playlist if you go to it. i really love both of their screams, i need to scream like that a bit more on the album i think. i also like how everything sounds, not as crisp as i'm trying to make things, but maybe i can find a better way to get this sound, i think my saturation idea can help w/ this, at least.

another thing, here's me from work:

wish i were cuter or something but there i am, suffering.

or, not or something, i jsut wish i were cuter and prettier. i look weird and pensive. but that's just cuz of pain probably... i hope.

this album is pretty instructive, in some ways, honestly, like the 2nd song, there's this synth that sounds like a guitar, it has that quality not cuz it's super bright, but cuz it's weirdly sharp and dim. gotta go there for squelchy scrape-y stuff i suppose. i am excited to hear the bigger problem songs, and see what i can do thinking in that direction.

i do just feel like an awful mess rn, i hate being sick, i shouldn't have to ever get sick. what did i do wrong. i don't deserve this . .. god, please take this away.

earlier today i sneezed and felt like my bladder exploded but as i think back on that, i wish i had the presence of mind to imagine the ways that might be a pleasant feeling or something, to imagine it as my gf stabbing me in my belly or something. instead i was just like, confused by all the suffering. the whole shift felt like i was on benadryl and trying to sleep. it was pretty easy though.

anyways i need to freaking sleep and i hope tomorrow my sinus pressure fuckup stuff goes away and i can at least mix without my ears feeling funny. i am in hell . i need to sleep, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thechozone-blog]

Samus gasped at the sight before her. The grocery store full of tiny babies and they’re iN THE COLD!!! They’ll DIE!!!!

“Don’t worry little babies, I will keep you warm.” Samus whispered as she took the chicken eggs from the place on the shelf and lied down, trying to hug them all to keep them warm.

“I didn’t ask to be a mother...” And here you can see a grown woman lying down in the grocery store, hugging eggs and crying a little.