#TUVOK. WHY DO YOU KEEP GETTING IN THESE SITUATIONS. HEY. TUVOK.

[bumblingbabooshka]

They're literally just baiting me specifically at this point. From the novel 'First Virtue'

[myenterpriseisparked]

The Voyager Bunch

Or, Rascals: Voyager Edition

-----

Based on this post

This is dedicated to @jellybeansarecool @bizships @emilie786 @joyful-voyager and @subtle-spock for providing ideas, encouragement, and for generally being really awesome people. Also they are the nicest folks ever. Go follow them.

This ain’t my first fanfiction rodeo, but it is my first Star Trek fanfiction rodeo so I beg for your patience. Also, I am perfectly aware that there are some plot holes in here. This is because I am an animal scientist, not a Starfleet physicist/biologist/whateverist. Swiss cheese also has holes and swiss cheese is good so please consider that.

Click here to read on AO3, if you prefer. Thanks for reading!

-----

Despite having only been a captain for a few years, Kathryn Janeway had seen more unusual occurrences, courtesy of the Delta Quadrant, than most Starfleet captains combined. Some days, she felt a little overwhelmed by the summary of the last three years of experiences. Other days, she was grateful for the callouses such challenges had built over her nerves, preparing her to face even the strangest incidents without panicking.

Today was a day to be grateful, because without having seen everything she had seen, the prospect of her Chief Engineer, Chief of Security, Head Helmsman, and most brilliant Ensign being reverted into child-like versions of themselves would have launched her straight into a spiral of panic.

“How-” Janeway paused for a moment to pinch the bridge of her nose, “how exactly did this happen?”

“Well, ya see, ‘Lanna and Harry and I were in that shuttle and then this big black thing showed up and we flew into it and there was a big flash and-”

Janeway held a hand up, cutting off the shockingly fast string of prattle. “I think I understand that part, Tom, thank you.” She spoke as gently and patiently as possible. “What I don’t understand is how Tuvok got into this.... predicament.”

She turned toward the tallest of the four children, who stood with his hands behind his back in a way that would have been exactly like Tuvok, if the pre-teen boy weren’t fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and looking around the bridge, open mouthed and starry-eyed. “Tuvok?”

The Vulcan turned toward her. “The shuttle was stuck in the anomaly and the tractor beam wasn’t working, so I rammed my ship into theirs to dislodge it.” Tuvok nearly smiled, which was jarring to see on his features, no matter how much younger he looked. “It worked, but I got sucked into the anomaly too. When we came out the other side, we looked like this.”

He motioned to Tom and B’Elanna, who were standing next to him, both of which appeared to be around the age of 5 or 6. Harry, who looked to be about a year old, was currently tucked into Chakotay’s arms, playing contentedly with the rank bar at the large man’s throat.

Janeway looked the group over, ignoring the humored smiled playing at her first officer’s lips. With a sigh, she turned to the members of her senior officer team that were not currently under the age of 13. “I’m open to suggestions.”

“I would like to run some experiments first, but I am wondering if I can age their DNA back to the correct age in a process similar to the one I used to turn you and Mr. Paris back into humans after the, ah, Warp 10 incident,” The Doctor said.

“That might put their bodies back at the right age,” Kes said, brow furrowing, “but their minds appear to have reverted to their new biological age as well. Will the DNA reversal process fix that?”

The Doctor tilted his head. “I’m unsure. I need more time to research and run simulations.”

Janeway nodded. “Get started on that right away. In the meantime,” she turned back to the children and her commander, “let’s get you four something to eat.” 

Neelix jumped to his feet, practically lighting up the room with his enthusiasm. “I’ll fix you kiddos up something real nice!” He dashed over to the door with a wild grin. “Give me ten minutes, and I’ll have the best grilled cheese sandwich you’ve ever smelt!” He saluted the whole room and practically bounced out the door.

Janeway glanced over at Chakotay who, for the first time since he had picked up baby Harry, looked nervous. His worried glance met her own and he tilted his head.

“Well,” Chakotay sighed, “hopefully these guys aren’t as picky of eaters as I was.”

-----

As unappealing as Janeway found Neelix’s cooking to be, it was, apparently, perfect for kids, as evidenced by the unrestrained glee with which Tom, B’Elanna, and Tuvok devoured their sandwiches.

The captain couldn’t help but smile as Tom downed the second half of his sandwich in a few bites and think how the older version of Tom would have been appalled to see himself eating Neelix’s cooking with such enjoyment.

As the older children ate, Janeway found herself spooning some kind of mashed vegetable mix into Harry’s waiting mouth. At first, she was a little uncomfortable with the idea of feeding one of her best officers, but, once she was able to get past the strangeness of the entire situation, she found herself enjoying the funny expressions and eager attitude of the baby in front of her.

“Gosh, he’s such a cute baby.” She said with a grin for the fourth time.

Chakotay leaned over, his shoulder brushing hers as he smiled at Harry. “I’d like to agree with you, Captain, but you keep hogging him so I can’t get a good look.” He turned to look her in the eye, raising his eyebrow teasingly.

She shoved him playfully with her elbow. “You got to hold him earlier in the conference room. It’s my turn.”

“I think your turn ended about ten minutes ago,” he grinned.

“I think I can find something else for you to do if you’re going to take Harry away from me, Commander.” She returned his grin.

“Fine,” Chakotay shook his head with a chuckle, “but I get him later.”

-----

Several hours had passed since lunch and, much to Chakotay’s disappointment, baby Harry was still firmly in Janeway’s possession, perched on her hip and looking for all the world like he belonged there.

Chakotay tried not to think too much about how naturally Kathryn had taken to caring for Harry as he watched her pace the bridge, checking on various scanner readings and flight paths, from his position on the floor by their command chairs. Beside him, Tom and B’Elanna rolled a ball back and forth between them, excitedly chattering about... well... everything.

“Do you think the whales were really THAT big?” Tom spread his arms out to the side.

“Yeah they were!” B’Elanna exclaimed loudly enough that the entire ship could probably hear it. Despite Chakotay’s best efforts to get her to lower her voice, the young girl seemed to only have one volume. “I saw a big fake one in a museum once and it was HUGE!”

“Whoa!” Tom’s eyes widened. “Bigger than this ship?”

B’Elanna tilted her head. “I don’t know, but it was definitely bigger than me!”

The two kids laughed, rolling the ball back and forth faster.

“Hey Tom?”

“What?”

“You’re my best friend!” B’Elanna suddenly reached forward and gave Tom a hug.

Chakotay glanced up at Kathryn to exchange a look of awe before he turned back to the kids on the floor. “But B’E, I thought you just said a few minutes ago that I’m your best friend.” He raised an eyebrow, hiding his smile.

The young girl gave him a look that he had seen far too many times on her older counterpart’s face whenever he said something particularly dumb. “I can have two best friends, duh.”

He laughed. “Fair enough.”

Suddenly, he saw Kathryn’s purposeful walk stop out of the corner of his eye. 

“Chakotay,” her voice was even and tense, “where’s Tuvok?”

Eyes widening, Chakotay glanced around the bridge. Tuvok was no where to be seen.

“Chakotay to Tuvok.” He stood as he tapped his commbadge. “Tuvok, please acknowledge.” They waited a moment and, upon receiving no response, moved simultaneously toward the turbolift. 

“It’s possible he hasn’t figured out how to use his comm.” Janeway tucked Harry closer to her side as they stepped into the lift. “Computer: locate Tuvok.”

“Unable to comply.”

Janeway gave the ceiling a glare. “Why?”

The computer did not respond.

“Maybe the de-aging effect has made it difficult for the computer to locate him.” Chakotay rested a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure he’s alright; he’s probably just exploring the ship; you saw how amazed he was by everything in the conference room earlier.”

She nodded tightly. “Let’s hope so. Where do you think he’s gone?”

“Maybe to the holodeck?”

“Or his quarters.”

“What about the mess hall?”

“He just ate.”

They both paused, mulling it over.

“Alright.” Kathryn straightened. “I’ll check holodeck one and his quarters, you check holodeck two and the mess hall.” She turned back to the lift door. “Holodeck one.”

Chakotay swallowed around the lump in his throat, trying not to think of all the ways a small child could get hurt on a spaceship like Voyager. As the turbolift began to move, Janeway’s badge chirped.

“Kes to the captain.”

Her brow raised as she tapped the emblem. “Go ahead.”

“I think I’ve found something you’re missing.” Kes’s usually lighthearted tone was even lighter, clear amusement seeping through.

Kathryn turned to look Chakotay in the eye, a hopeful smile brightening her face. “I’m on my way.”

-----

Honestly, Janeway was a little ashamed of the fact that she didn’t think to go looking for her best friend among the orchids and other plants in the aeroponics bay, considering his horticulturally-related hobbies. As she and Chakotay stepped into the room, smiles crept onto both of their faces as they watched Tuvok carefully transfer one of Kes’s sprouts to a bigger pot. After patting the soil around the plant firmly, he wiped a hand across his forehead, smearing dirt on his face to match the dirt on his uniform.

Kes smiled up at the command team. “He came down and asked about a hundred questions about our system and then offered to help me with my work while we talked because its ‘more efficient to talk and work than simply talk.’” 

Janeway chuckled at Kes’s approximation of Tuvok’s speech pattern. “Thanks for letting us know, Kes.” She reluctantly handed Harry to Chakotay, who flashed his dimples, and crouched next to Tuvok. “Hello there.”

Tuvok glanced up quickly before resuming his work. “Hello, Captain. Did you know that these Talaxian green beans take only a week and a half to reach maturity?”

“I did not.” Janeway raised a brow and tilted her head. “That’s very impressive.”

“I thought so too when Kes told me.” He patted the soil around another plant and set it aside, retrieving another sprout.

“Tuvok,” the captain reached forward and rested a hand on his shoulder, “I’m glad you’ve found something to do, but you have to tell someone where you’re going before you wander off. We didn’t know what happened to you and Chakotay and I were really worried.”

Behind her, Chakotay’s heart flipped. There was something rather... intimate about the way she had referred to both of them being worried about a child.

“I’m sorry, Captain.” Tuvok nodded his head. “It won’t happen again.”

“Good.” Janeway smiled and stood. “Why don’t you help Kes down here for a while and then come back up to the bridge when you are ready?” She looked at Kes. “That is, if Kes is alright with that.”

The young woman smiled. “Of course, I’d love some help.”

Janeway nodded and turned back to Tuvok. “Be sure to let us know when you’re on your way back up.”

“Of course, Captain.”

She patted him one last time on the shoulder and turned back to Chakotay. They fell into step beside one another and entered the elevator.

As the doors whooshed closed, Janeway turned to Chakotay with the intention of reclaiming Harry, but stopped. A smile grew across her lips as she watched Chakotay bounce Harry gently, allowing the little boy to palm his tattoo in curiosity. Even as one of Harry’s chubby fingers poked him in the eye, Chakotay simply chuckled and took the tiny hand in his own.

He finally turned to look at her. “What?”

Kathryn just shook her head, grinning wider. “I was going to take Harry from you, but I can’t bear to break up this cute little arrangement.” She motioned to the two of them with a long finger.

The corner of Chakotay’s mouth kicked up a little higher. “Captain, did you just imply that I’m cute?”

Her brow arched, but her smile didn’t diminish. “It would be hard for anyone to look unappealing with a cute baby in their arms.”

Her heart stopped suddenly as she realized what she had just said. From the look of Chakotay’s face, he had caught it too. Implying that he and the baby were cute was one thing; calling him “appealing” was another. Before she could say anything else she might regret, Kathryn turned back to the lift door, schooling her features back into the face of the Captain.

If she had turned but a half-second later, she would have seen a wide smile break across Chakotay’s face.

-----

“I’m sorry, Captain, but I need more time. I won’t deactivate myself until I have a solution, but this situation is very delicate and I can’t risk rushing my tests. You’ll need to find somewhere for the children to sleep. Hopefully I’ll have a solution tomorrow.”

Kathryn nodded. “Of course. Thank you, Doctor.”

With a grim smile, the feed from sickbay switched off, leaving her to look at her dark reflection in the black screen. Something like relief swept over help alongside a touch of regret. On one hand, she could really use her senior officers back in functioning shape. On the other hand....

Her eyes drifted back down to Harry, who had pulled a bit of her hair out of it’s ponytail and was curling it around his tiny fist in unbreakable fascination. A smile tugged at her lips as she cuddled him a bit closer. 

She could get used to this.

The thought struck her before she even knew what she was feeling and, as soon as she admitted it to herself, she took that feeling and shoved it as deep into the recesses of her mind as she could. She was the captain of a ship that was constantly in danger and she shouldn’t dwell on things she couldn’t have.

Kathryn sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. “Well, Harry, looks like we need to find you a place to sleep.”

Turning back to the computer, she moved to set him down so she could use both hands to search the crew quarters layouts for a suitable place to keep the children overnight. As soon as Harry’s feet touched the ground, a wail rose from the back of his throat and his face scrunched.

Kathryn quickly scooped him back up. “Harry? What’s wrong?”

The boy’s cry of protest faded into whimpers and he buried his head in her shoulder, clinging to her tightly.

A warm feeling washed over her. “Ah,” she smiled, “I see.”

She pulled him closer and turned back to the computer, tapping buttons with one hand. “You can stay up here with me, then.”

The door to her quarters chimed.

“Come in.” 

Before she could turn to greet her guest, mischievous giggles rose from the door. Eyebrow raised, she whirled around to find Chakotay standing in the doorway, a stack of PADDs in his hand, a tiny engineer on his left leg, and a tiny helmsman on his right.

He stepped forward with far less difficultly than she would have expected, given the extra weight on his legs. He crossed the room quickly and passed the PADDs to her. “The crew reports you requested.”

“Thank you.” She smiled, glancing down at the still giggling forms. “Not to alarm you, Commander, but it would seem that you have a couple of lifeforms attached to you.”

Chakotay’s eyes grew wide in mock surprise. “Really?” He turned his head and shuffled around, as if to look at his back. “Where?”

Tom and B’Elanna’s laughter grew. Suddenly, Chakotay leaned over and scooped the two of them off his legs, lifting them both up over his shoulders as their shrieked in delight.

He turned back to Kathryn with a wide smile. “Not to worry, Captain, I’ve apprehended the life forms.” 

She smiled back with a soft chuckle. “We need to find a place for the life forms to stay tonight.”

Chakotay’s smile faded into a more serious, but not displeased look. “The Doctor doesn’t have a solution yet, then?” He lowered Tom and B’Elanna to the ground. They scampered off to the viewport, excitedly chattering about the stars.

“No, he needs a bit more time.”

Chakotay nodded. “Maybe I could take them for the night, that way someone is there to keep an eye on them.”

Kathryn shook her head. “I have no doubt in your babysitting abilities, Commander, but four children is a lot for one person to watch alone and your quarters are not big enough for Trouble 1 and Trouble 2 to run around in.” She gestured to the kids at the window. 

“Fair point. Maybe I should take Harry and Tuvok then, and you could take Tom and B’Elanna?”

She turned Harry away from Chakotay. “Trying to take my boy again, are you Chakotay?” 

He chuckled and shook his head. “Do you have another idea, then, Mom?”

Her breath caught in her throat, but she managed to smirk at him and continue speaking without any indication that his previous sentence had impacted her. “My quarters are the largest on the ship. If we set up cots here in my living room we could easily both keep an eye on the children overnight.”

“Sounds good to me.” He glanced up at the clock on the wall. “How about I go collect Tuvok from aeroponics and some food from the mess hall while you get the cots set up?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

He gave her one last lingering smile, which she returned, before heading out the door and down the hall.

-----

Apparently the lunch they had shared earlier that day had been misleadingly easy. Supper was, to put it lightly, a challenge.

“B’Elanna, eat your own food and stop taking from Tom’s plate,” Kathryn said firmly.

“But Tom isn’t eating it!”

“I was going to eat it! I’m just a slower eater than you are!”

“Well eat faster then!”

“B’Elanna!” Chakotay set down the spoon he had been using to feed Harry and fixed her with a stern look. “That food isn’t yours, and Kathryn already asked you to stop taking Tom’s food. You won’t be asked again.”

B’Elanna mumbled out an apology and stuffed another bite of her own meal into her mouth.

Kathryn shot Chakotay a grateful smile and turned to Tuvok, who was holding up one of his vegetables to the light. “Tuvok? What are you doing?”

“I’m looking at the xylem and phloem of this plant.”

She bit back a smile. “I appreciate your curiosity, Tuvok, but I need you to stop studying your food and start eating it.”

The young Vulcan turned to her and nodded. “Of course.” He politely chewed and swallowed his food and turned back to the captain. “Did you know that this particular plant is a distant cousin of Terran broccoli? You can tell by the-”

Chakotay smiled as he watched Kathryn listen to Tuvok’s fourth lecture of the evening on plant biology. Neither of them were certain of what he was talking about most of the time, but his enthusiasm for the subject was nearly infectious and neither of them minded listening.

“Chakotay?”

He turned away from the scene across the table and looked at Tom next to him. “Yes?”

“After dinner, will you read to us?”

“Of course.” Chakotay smiled and ruffled Tom’s hair. “Anything particular you want to hear?”

“I want to hear about your missions with the Maquis!” B’Elanna bounced in her seat, all of that barely-contained Klingon energy starting to spill over. 

“Or perhaps you could read to us from a classic story,” Tuvok raised a brow. “I’m fond of the works of Tolkien, maybe Tom and B’Elanna would like ‘The Hobbit’ too?”

“What’s a hobbit?” Tom’s face scrunched in confusion.

“Maybe,” Kathryn interjected before Tuvok could give a detailed recounting of the beloved childhood book, “Chakotay could tell us a story from his tribe.” Her eyes met his across the table. “He is pretty good at recounting ancient legends.”

Heat crept up the sides of Chakotay’s face as he held her stare. “Maybe.”

“Nah,” Tom’s voice broke through the pleasant tension between them. “I wanna know what a hobbit is!”

Chakotay chuckled. “Alright, ‘The Hobbit’ it is.”

-----

It took some time to get the older three to settle into bed, but finally, they began to yawn and snuggle deeper under their blankets. As their heads grew heavier, Chakotay wrapped up his story telling and the command team began to tuck their young companions in for the night.

As Chakotay wished Tom and Tuvok a good night’s rest, Kathryn carefully extracted B’Elanna from where she was snuggled into her side and took her over to her cot. As she got the small girl settled, she suddenly reached up and captured Kathryn in a tight hug. Surprised, Kathryn’s eyes widened, but she returned the gesture in earnest.

“Kathryn?”

“Yes, B’Elanna?”

“You’re my best friend.”

Kathryn blinked and pulled back to look B’Elanna in the eyes with a small smile. “I thought Chakotay and Tom were your best friends.”

“I can have more than one best friend.” B’Elanna’s voice was filled with deep confidence, despite how sleep-laced it was.

“Fair enough,” Kathryn chuckled, pulling the blankets tightly around the girl. “Goodnight.”

She met Chakotay in her bedroom, Harry still in his arms.

“Any time I try to set him down he starts crying.” Chakotay grinned sheepishly. 

She grinned back. “I had a similar experience earlier today.” She reached up and brushed hand over the boy’s soft, black hair. “Its a good thing he weighs next to nothing.”

At Kathryn’s gentle touch, Harry stirred. His dark eyes found Kathryn’s and he reached out for her. With a look of mock hurt, Chakotay transferred the boy to his desired location.

“I’m trying not to be offended right now, Harry.”

Kathryn simply grinned and bounced the baby in her arms gently. “It’s alright, Chakotay. He has excellent taste.”

Chakotay shook his head, dimples flashing. “I suppose I can’t argue with that.”

She turned toward the bed and settled herself on one side, her back resting against the pillows and Harry resting against her chest. “Let’s see if we can get this one sleepy enough to not notice if we set him down.” She looked back at Chakotay, who was still standing, rather awkwardly. She patted the bed next to her with a smirk. “Come on, Commander. Get some rest. We’ve has a big day, wrangling the kiddos.”

He smiled and crossed the room to the other side of the bed, gently sitting next to her, his legs stretched out. “It has been a long day,” he said with a sigh. “But, I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed it.” He tilted his head to look at Kathryn, who was already looking up at him.

“Nor I.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Suddenly, Chakotay was very aware of how close their faces were. He watched as Kathryn’s eyes slid down to his lips. Before he could do something he couldn’t take back, he took a deep breath and turned away.

“Well,” Kathryn cleared her throat, sounding more like the Captain now, “it’s been fun but we should get some sleep. I’ll keep an eye on Harry here and take him to his cot in a few minutes. You should go ahead and rest, Commander.”

“Of course.” He tilted his head and gave her a small smile. “Goodnight, Kathryn.”

She grinned back. “Goodnight, Chakotay.”

-----

Apparently, Kathryn didn’t stay awake long enough to take Harry back to his cot, as evidenced by the weight on her chest as she stirred awake the next morning. She slowly became aware of her surroundings and the previous day’s events came flooding back to her.

She also became distinctly aware of the warm, comfortable presence beside her. As she opened her eyes, she realized that her first officer’s arm was settled around her shoulders and that his shoulder was currently her pillow. His head rested atop hers and the hand that was not draped around her shoulders was resting on top of Harry’s back next to her own.

The situation was all rather snuggly and, were it not a violation of every professional barrier Kathryn had erected between her and the commander, she would have had no issue in savoring the moment.

Then again.... maybe she could allow herself just a few moments to pretend that the baby in her arms wasn’t her star technical officer and that the man holding her close wasn’t her XO and that this was a perfectly normal situation.

Before she could get too far into her fantasy, however, Chakotay stirred next to her, his dark eyes fluttering open to find her own.

“Good morning,” he said, his voice huskier than her own as sleep clung to it.

“Good morning.” 

They looked at each other for a moment before Chakotay carefully extracted himself from her side, helping her up so she could carefully place Harry in his cot in the living room without waking the boy or the other children who were still sleeping. Without a word, they quietly prepared breakfast and coffee, steeling themselves for another day of handling the kids.

-----

“I’m afraid I’m a bit.... stuck,” The Doctor ground out with obvious difficulty.

The captain raised an eyebrow. The EMH admitting that he was struggling to solve a problem was a rare instance indeed. “How so?”

With a huff, The Doctor turned back to his desk, flipping through experimental results from a stack of PADDs. “Kes was right; the DNA reversal process I initially thought might work will not account for the de-aging of the officers’ brains, so I decided to look at the type of radiation that might have caused this and, to be completely honest, Captain,” he turned back to look her in the eye, “I have absolutely no idea how this even happened. There’s no evidence of radiation, the temporal energy around them is unidentifiable, and I can’t figure out how their cells and their minds were reversed.” He lowered his head. “I’m unsure of how to even proceed from here.”

Kathryn nodded, taking the emotions that were beginning to tumble in her chest and stuffing them as far down as she could. “Very well, Doctor. Take a rest and we can all come back to the issue later once we’ve had time to think.” She rested a hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up. “Don’t despair yet; there’s a lot of other brilliant minds on this ship besides your own. We’ll figure it out together.” She smiled and gave his shoulder a squeeze before heading into the turbolift.

As the doors slid open, she found Tuvok waiting in the lift for her. She smiled down at him and stepped inside, calling for the bridge.

“Chakotay to the captain.”

She tapped her badge. “Go ahead.”

“We need you on the bridge, there’s a bit of a situation.”

She raised a brow, glancing down at Tuvok, who was gazing at her intently. “On my way.”

-----

“So they want to.... interview us?”

“They want to interview you specifically.”

“To see if we are worthy of going through their space.”

“Something like that.”

“And going around their space isn’t an option?”

“It would add another 7 months to our journey, so this interview is our ideal option.”

“No pressure, eh, Commander?” Janeway shifted Harry from one hip to the other with a long sigh. “Alright. Hail them.”

After a moment, a blue and red humanoid alien appeared on the screen.

“Greetings, Ambassador.” The Captain flashed a polite smile. “I’m Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager.”

The alien woman inclined her head. “Hello, Captain Janeway, I’m Ambassador Tel Parah of the Doonian Delegation.” Her eyes swept the bridge. “You’re ship is heavily armed, which, according to the laws of our people, requires that we do a personal interview of the commanding officer to ensure that violence or other manners of chaos will not be instigated as you pass through our space.”

“Of course, I understand.” Janeway smiled again. “What questions may I answer for you?”

Over the course of the next 30 minutes, Janeway was grilled on their purpose in passing through Doonian space, the types and numbers of weapons they carried, and the journey they had made so far. Just as Janeway thought there wasn’t possibly anything more she could tell them, Ambassador Parah paused and looked up from the computer device in her hand to study Janeway. After a moment, she spoke again.

“Just one more thing, Captain Janeway,” a slow smile slipped onto her face, “What’s your son’s name? He’s absolutely precious.”

Janeway raised her eyebrows in surprise and glanced down at Harry, who she had nearly forgotten was still in her arms. At some point, he had removed her combadge and was currently turning it over and over again in his tiny hands, taking a moment here and there to bite parts of the object he must have found particularly interesting. Kathryn exchanged an amused glace with Chakotay, who shrugged off screen, before turning back to the ambassador. 

“This is Harry.” Janeway smiled, turning the boy so the ambassador could see him better.

The other woman smiled widely. “How adorable. He has the brightest eyes.”

“He does.” Kathryn smiled back down at him.

“You know,” Parah leaned back in her chair, “I usually don’t allow anyone through our space that isn’t from a system or planet we are already know and trust and so I wasn’t planning on letting Voyager pass. However, when I saw your baby and how well-cared for and happy he seems, I felt that I could trust you somehow.” She smiled again. “We value children highly in the Doonien Delegation. Children are often a reflection of a parent’s character. I can tell by Harry’s disposition and curiosity that you are of a fine character, Captain.”

Janeway cuddled Harry a little closer, heart warming. “Thank you, Ambassador, I take that as a high compliment.”

“As you should.” Parah leaned forward again. “You may pass through our space. We will have you stop at three checkpoints on your way though which I will send you the coordinated for in a moment. Have a safe journey.”

The screen went blank and Kathryn turned to Chakotay.

“Should I feel bad that I let her believe Harry is my son?”

Chakotay chuckled, stepping close enough and lowering his voice enough that the rest of the bridge could pretend not to hear him. “Are you saying he’s not?”

Her gaze grew softer. “I guess he’s sort of been like a son to me since we got on board.” She looked back down at him. “I feel very protective of him.”

Chakotay rested a hand on her shoulder. “I know.”

They smiled at each other again. Chakotay opened his mouth to say something more but, suddenly, there was a tug at Kathryn’s elbow.

“Captain? Now that the negotiations are over, I think I have an idea about how to fix Tom, B’Elanna, Harry, and me.” Tuvok’s eyes were bright and eager.

“Alright,” Captain Janeway smiled down at him. “Let’s get The Doctor up here and we’ll hear your idea together.”

-----

Chakotay exchanged glances with The Doctor and the Captain over the table as he bounced both Tom and B’Elanna on his knees. “Could that really work? It seems almost too easy.”

“Well, if this is a phenomena that’s inexplicable and is tied only to the anomaly the shuttles passed through, I feel like sending the children back through isn’t our worst idea.” The captain rubbed the back of her neck. “Doctor?”

The holographic man continued typing into his PADD for a moment before stopping and reading. “I- I honestly think this could work.” He slid the PADD over to Janeway. “It’s hard to predict, since we have no idea what exactly caused this, but if we send the shuttles through the anomaly opposite of the way they first went through, I think it just might turn them back to their usual ages.”

“How do we know it won’t just make them even younger?” Chakotay watched as B’Elanna slipped off of his knee, pulling Tom along with her to go play in the corner.

“We’d have to run some tests to be sure that they don’t. Perhaps we could send a plant through first, or some other organic life form.” The Doctor took the PADD back and made a note.

“We would also have to make sure that, if the tests show some promise, Tuvok can take the shuttle back through the anomaly.” Janeway turned to the boy sitting at her right. “Well, Tuvok? Do you think you could pilot the shuttle?”

He shook his head. “Since I don’t have my older self’s memories I don’t think I could.”

“We could use the tractor beam to send the shuttle through,” Chakotay said. “If we give them enough of a push to go through the anomaly, they should be able to pilot themselves back to Voyager once they get out the other side and have returned to their normal ages.”

Janeway raised her eyebrows. “Well, it’s worth a shot and I don’t have any better ideas. Commander, set a course for the anomaly. Doctor, prepare the experiments.”

-----

Tom and B’Elanna seemed to sense that something was up as they suddenly became even more clingy. The whole trip back to the anomaly, B’Elanna shared the captain’s chair with Kathryn, insisting with all of her Klingon passion that the older woman tell her more stories from earlier in their journey through the Delta Quadrant. At the helm, Tom hung on to Chakotay’s arm, watching the stars go by and asking Chakotay a hundred questions about piloting starships. Tuvok sat in Chakotay’s usual seat, interjecting with questions of his own here and there, and Harry sat on Kathryn’s knee, chewing on her jacket sleeve, her combadge still clutched tightly in his left hand.

After they reached the anomaly, it took a couple of hours for The Doctor to complete his experiments and, once he had declared that plants that had gone through the anomaly twice were returned to the same age the started as, they began preparing the children to enter the anomaly themselves. 

“Will it hurt?” B’Elanna asked in the smallest voice she had ever used in her life as Kathryn tucked the small Starfleet uniform that she had come through the anomaly with around her shoulders.

“It won’t,” Tuvok said. “It didn’t hurt when we came through the first time, did it?”

She shook her head, but didn’t look very reassured.

“It’s okay, ‘Lanna!” Tom grabbed her hand. “I’ll be right beside you.”

Kathryn stood and took a step back, feeling almost as if someone had filled her chest with some of Neelix’s heavy stew. She had to let them go, of course, this wasn’t the way they were supposed to be, but she was certainly going to miss seeing the level of innocence her officers had now. B’Elanna was unburdened by trust issues, Tuvok was passionate and bright, and Tom - well, she supposed he hadn’t changed all that much, but at least he seemed to be genuinely happy, not just putting up a front of humor to protect himself.

It would be hard to see them go back, but maybe, now that she understood how the world and time had changed her friends, she could help them.

She was shaken from her thoughts by a tug at her collar. She looked down to see Harry pulling at her pips, completely enamored by the gold metal.

“Oh, Harry.” She nearly choked on his name. Since he was so young now, she didn’t have any insight into his personality after having seen him as a baby, but she was going to miss his innocent curiosity and familiar weight on her hip.

Before she could think too much about it, she handed Harry over to Tuvok. The younger boy scrunched his face up and whimpered at the change of hands, but Tuvok bounced him gently and he settled down, reaching for the pointed tip of Tuvok’s ear.

Kathryn took a step back, feeling Chakotay step up behind her so that they were nearly touching. “Best of luck, you four.” She gave them her most reassuring smile. “See you on the other side.”

She and Chakotay hurried up the bridge and gave the go ahead for the ensign who had taken over Harry’s post to begin using the tractor beam to move the shuttle out into the anomaly. They stood side-by-side on the bridge and watched the shuttle go through. At come point, they grabbed each other’s hands and squeezed each other tightly.

There was a flash as the shuttle passed through the anomaly. After a few terrifyingly quiet moments, the shuttle came bursting out of the other side and a voice crackled over the comm.

“Cochran to Voyager,” confusion leaked through Tom’s voice. “What the hell just happened?”

Kathryn and Chakotay smiled at each other in relief. “What’s the last thing you remember, Tom?” Chakotay asked.

“B’Elanna, Harry, and I were coming back to Voyager when we- wait a second, how did you get here, Tuvok?”

Janeway laughed. “Why don’t we get you four back on board and then we’ll explain everything.”

“Copy that. See you in a few.” Tom’s voice grew quieter, like he was leaning away from the comm. “I have a feeling this is going to be one heck of a story.”

-----

After everyone had been debriefed and left to process the last two days of strangeness, Chakotay found Kathryn in her favorite spot; on her couch and staring wistfully out at the stars as they drifted past. She had shucked her jacket and taken her hair out of it’s clip, leaving her in her grey turtleneck with her hair falling around her shoulders and face.

“Got a lot on your mind?”

She turned to smile at him, a note of sadness in her eyes. “It’s been an interesting couple of days.”

He settled on the couch a ways down, turning to face her. “It sure has.” He was quiet for a moment. “I’m going to miss our kids.”

“Me too. It was fun having little ones around, playing at being a parent.” She fidgeted with the seam on the couch. “It was different and they sure did give us some challenges,” she chuckled, “but I loved it.” 

“Have you ever thought about having kids of ou-” he coughed, “your own?” 

Her crystal blue gaze caught his. “Yes.” She smiled and looked out the window again. “I always thought someday I would be a mother.” With a snort and a smirk, she continued; “Of course, I never thought I’d be mothering my helmsman, security officer, engineer, and technical officer.”

Chakotay laughed softly. “I think you were mothering them before they were turned into actual children.”

“Perhaps.” A pause. “What about you? Did you ever think about being a father? Outside of the whole instance with Seska, of course.”

He nodded. “When I was in the Maquis, no. My life was too fast-paced to be a proper father. If I was going to be a dad, I wanted to do it right and I couldn’t have done that from a Maquis ship.” He took a deep breath. “After joining this crew, though.... I’m in a better place now, and I think I’d be thrilled to be a father.” He looked over at Kathryn to find that she was already looking at him with something like wonder in her eyes. He held her gaze for a moment and, finally finding a bit of courage, he said: “I’m more at peace.”

A smiled played at the corners of her lips, and her eyes looked a little like they were silver-lined, though Chakotay couldn’t quite tell for sure in the low light of her quarters.

“You were really good with the kids. You would make an excellent father, I have no doubt.”

He smiled. “You would make an excellent mother. You’re a natural.”

“Thank you, but I barely felt like I knew what I was doing.” She chuckled.

“You could have fooled me.” He grinned for a moment, before his countenance grew more serious. “I hope you get your wish someday, Kathryn. I hope you get to be a mother.”

She was quiet for a moment, and Chakotay suddenly felt his chest tighten. Had he said too much.

Before he could fall too far into his panic, her hand slid over to his, giving it a squeeze. He looked up into her eyes, which definitely had tears in them now.

“I hope you get to be a father too Chakotay. Someday.”

He squeezed her hand back and they both fell into a comfortable silence, enjoying the view of the stars outside Kathryn’s window.

[kncrowder88]

Voyager and Romance

So, the thing about Voyager and romance that sticks with me is they seem to do one couple really, or more accurately two characters, any real justice overall. And that is B’Elanna and Tom. While moments for that relationship may not be perfect that is rather realistic for relationships, as no relationship is perfect all the time so that is tolerable. This post though isn’t going to be about looking at that particular relationship though but primarily at other relationships. Largely because a discord server I am in was talking about Counterpoint and I realized why I both love the episode but also have weird feelings with it. Which, I’ll touch more on that specifically after I discuss the relationship stuff (as that plays a part).

So, I will preface this with it has been a bit since I’ve done a binge of Voyager and really a full binge of Star Trek in general. As such, I may forget a few relationships on the show and overall, throughout Trek in general. From what I can really toss together … I honestly am beginning to believe that when it comes to Voyager and the other shows (the older ones not the new ones – I am not including any NEW Trek in this) that for some reason the relationship writing with Voyager was rather different. Like, they gave 3 characters active relationships prior to being stranded. That being Harry Kim, Kathryn Janeway, and Tuvok. Out of these three we get Janeway and Tuvok holding onto those relationships in their own way while … it seemed mildly convenient for Harry to mention it when it suited him, I guess (like that time Tom wanted to set them up for a double date or you know when he ended up in that alternate timeline but still wanted back with Voyager even more like). Like, the reason I don’t list Tuvok-T’Pel above is because we don’t actually get to SEE that in full, we just get to see Tuvok’s side of it and his dedication – we don’t see the relationship, we don’t see the couple.

Harry and Tom, prior to his relationship with B’Elanna, seem to frequently do this sort of two bros dating around thing which is fine but like … same time the show used them for that. And once they settled Tom with B’Elanna they used Harry in those plot lines when it worked. Thus the alien STD episode and the “how dare you not get the standard permission from your CO and CMO” line (like they really put that into a Trek ep and I’m still unable to not picture Riker, Kirk, Picard, and everyone other Trek character constantly getting permission for their latest romance – just remember Jadzia and Worf likely had to get permission from Sisko and Bashir if the Trill and Klingon weren’t already approved of in the system just saying, that’s a thing that happened). Anyways … my point is they went out of their way on this. Like, when Kes was with Neelix they wrote Neelix to be that jealous judgmental boyfriend who literally got upset she knew where other people’s quarters where, she was nice to Tom, she was … just yeah. They wrote Tom to come off as a player pulling Harry into it, when Tom settled down Harry seems to pick that up (I mean you got his “omg Seven” phase and the alien STD stuff and lord knows what else I’m forgetting with him).

And to top this off I haven’t even touched on the “Janeway can’t have a romance” stuff yet. Which is where my real problem is. Like, its bad enough they brought in Jeri for the sex appeal (which lets be honest stems from the fact they couldn’t use Janeway for that – which I get, Kate was right in the whole concept of the audience target having to keep respect for a female lead and sex appeal couldn’t be a focal point but they could have balanced it right and regrettably because they couldn’t that meant Jeri got all of the other side of the coin). Many of Seven’s eps center on romance or social stuff and honestly that is a whole other WTF post in its own right because it all leads up to the sudden get with the one person on the ship who didn’t want you here in the first place and who also would have served better as the male adult guidance figure/father figure than as a ROMANTIC partner but hey BS happened behind scenes to cause that chaotic romantic on screen set up. But yeah … this is just another example of the poor Voyager romantic plot lines.

Chakotay’s romantic plot lines are usually – and by that, I mean pretty much always – with these strong independent women. But usually, at least from what I recall, they are also typically the “needs help” (damsel in distress/can’t do it alone/etc.) plot. Like, Riley was strong independent but also set up to need help in regard to getting her little collective put back together on the planet. You got Kellin, again another strong lady who yet again also needed help. At least in the ep she’s in and if I recall much of the info on how they fell in love during that time as well – primarily with getting away from danger at the start and then during the initial romance finding her target. Valerie is the only one who doesn’t fall into the needs help plot and that’s largely because she was being manipulated by Chakotay for information – which honestly just goes to show how well Chakotay was at the whole undercover stuff (which tells us a lot about what he could have been doing as a Maquis). Seska was the plot point of “you once dated her, now she is going to badger you to get with her again and when that fails, she’s going to assault you” …. like all of Chakotay’s romances are literally him either 1) being manipulated (as that’s what Seska and Riley did) or 2) being the kind guy or 3) not an actual relationship (either because its undercover work or because the writers were too cowardly to make him and Janeway canon).

Then you got Janeway. Then you got KATHRYN JANEWAY. You know, the one where Kate Mulgrew said no romance, no sexualizing, no doing that sort of stuff because the audience had to maintain respect for the character. I’m sure someone has the exact various quotes out there. Like … this is why we don’t have JC as canon. But what we do got instead is …. Janeway in Prime Factors being flirted with by the administrator as if that’s going to get him what he wants because “female leader means flirt with her”. We got Janeway and a period drama holodeck adventure in the early years which was clearly meant to be her romantic tête-à-tête early on that never got followed up with. We got “delete the wife” with the Fair Haven plot point (because its totally respectable to see the FEMALE LEAD, the STARFLEET CAPTAIN, just straight up DELETE THE WIFE of another individual - yeah, I get its meant to be humor factor because hologram but come on). You have her whole thing with Mark which we get tidbits off but again similar to Tuvok we literally only get to see her side of it – the only couple moment of theirs we get is the comm call in Caretaker.

But Jaffen? You are correct. We got that lovely and touching and wonderful romance with Jaffen …. Oh wait … they had to remove her from the ship, strip her of her memory, and her autonomy in order for her to have a relationship with another individual. And yes, by losing her memories, by losing what made her who she was as a person, she did lose a sense of autonomy. She entered into a relationship without a full sense of independent choice. The point in which she made a choice in that episode, the point in which she – Kathryn Janeway – made a choice with all of the person, the individual she is, was at the end when she had her memories back and could decide based on the values and beliefs and all that she is. What I’m getting at is the people on that planet deliberately took away who she was, they took her memories and her ability to make the decisions they knew she would make --- they did that deliberately (that’s even established in the episode) --- and as such her decisions while in that state are not truly her full independent decisions but the ones impacted by the state she was forced into.

And while I love Resolutions, while I love all the JC goodies, we get in that ep … Yet again the only time we get to see Janeway in any sort of romantic situation is when they remove her from the ship. When they remove her from command. When they strip her of that setting. This time, though – well the first time – she keeps awareness and has to go through lose of it all in order to even start to let it all happen. I love the episode, I do, but I just find it rather amusing they went “’Hey we gotta strand them what should their tasks be on the planet?” and they immediately went “Well Janeway is scientist how about that” “Okay and he can build, Chakotay can start building. Man builds house, right?” and then like went “oh and then she can start a garden” …. Like really? Really? That’s what you got for me. Oh, and then there is the monkey. That’s the romance this ep. Boat, science, monkey.

Then we got Kashyk. We have dealt with Kathryn throughout this series dealing with various leaders of various styles. As mentioned, Prime Factors guy attempted flirting. Other leaders pulled similar or worse or even dismissed her …. Like the list goes on. Counterpoint is a great episode because it deals with prejudice and is rather dark. The thing is, had Janeway been able to have a healthy romantic relationship on screen to counter this episode this episode probably would have come off better. Episodes like Prime Factor could have been done different (that leader didn’t need to be as flirty for example). One or two eps through the series having creepy dudes she had to deal with, fine, whatever … that be a nice impact for the audience. But when you have to many prior to Counterpoint – even if its minor, small stuff – it makes this episode so much harder for fans. Especially the female fans who deal with this constantly.

See, here’s the thing with this ep…. Some of the fans who watch … we know Kashyk well. We know that character. He is that male leader, that male power figure, who uses the power he has to manipulate those in his control to get what he wants. And Kathryn … Kathryn was in his control. Kashyk is listed as a relationship on memory-alpha. But much like how I view Seska with Chakotay … I do not view Kashyk as a proper relationship. In Devore space, Kathryn did not have proper power. She had people in her command, on her ship, that she had to protect. That she knew she had to protect. Her own best friend … lives in her hand … and Kashyk right there willing to kill them. Willing to snatch them up and destroy them. And he used that power to manipulate her and play her. Yes, she played him right back but … did she truly have a choice? Did she have any other choice but to play his game? What would have happened if she said no? And that … that is why this episode is so unsettling for some people. And why this relationship being considered on is so off putting … that the writers, that memory-alpha, that the fact I’m putting it on this list as one of the ones on here for Voyager says so much … they wrote this as one of her relationships while out there … she had to do what so many women had to do to stay safe, to keep people she loves safe, and that’s not a relationship.

Voyager could have done romance/relationships such better justice.

[antimatterpod]

Transcript - 70. Clinton-Era Star Trek

Liz: And why are we passing up an opportunity to criticize Rick Berman? We love that shit!

Anika: Let's always criticize Rick. Definitely everything wrong is Rick Berman.

You can listen to the original episode here.

Anika: Welcome to Antimatter Pod, a Star Trek podcast where we discuss fashion, feminism, subtext and subspace, hosted by Anika and Liz, and Cali the cat. This week we're discussing the pilot episode of Star Trek Voyager, "Caretaker".

Liz: So it's the 35th anniversary or something. No, that cannot possibly be it. 25th?

Anika: 30th. 30, isn't it?

Liz: No, I was thirteen when I first saw it, and I'm thirty-eight going on thirty-nine. So it's got to be the 20th. Right? No, 25th...

Anika: No, it's definitely not -- um, it could be 25th. Because the 20th, I did a panel for the 20th. And that was probably five or six years ago?

Liz: I feel like 1996 plus 25 might be 2021?

Anika: I don't know! Math!

Liz: Welcome to Antimatter Pod, the podcast where we don't do maths.

It's the 25th anniversary of "Caretaker", and I'm really really curious to know, when was the first time you watched it?

Anika: I don't remember! I remember watching "Emissary". I did not see "Encounter at Farpoint" first, I saw it, years after having seen Next Generation.

Liz: Which is really the way to do it.

Anika: Yes. And Enterprise, also, I have no actual memory of watching the pilot, but I probably did. I probably watched Voyager and Enterprise live, but I don't actually have a good handle on it. If it was 1995, I was -- yeah, I didn't have a Star Trek group at that point. I was in college, you know, so I was, like, making new friends.

Liz: You weren't ready to unleash the full force of your geekiness?

Anika: Yup. I mean, I was a ridiculous person, you know, there's no way that I wouldn't have been known as a geek by pretty much everyone.

Liz: I actually have very vivid memories of the first time I watched "Caretaker", because I received it on VHS as a Christmas present the year I was thirteen. I really remember how much I liked Janeway, and I wished -- like Kate Mulgrew has a very unusual voice, and that was sort of everyone in the family's reaction. And I'm like, Yeah, it's a weird voice, but I love her, shut up.

And the next day my parents' marriage ended, so...

Anika: Wow. Okay!

Liz: I don't think these things are really connected. But in my mind, and in my heart, they very much are.

Star Trek wasn't really my main fandom at the time. TNG had ended, and I was very deep into having feelings about seaQuest DSV. So -- there are probably still dozens of us.

Anika: I loved that show.

Liz: It was so great. We could talk about my OTP for seaQuest next. But yeah, that was my first encounter with Voyager, and I didn't really become a capital letters Voyager Fan until a few months later, when we accidentally got season two videos.

Anika: Accidentally. Yeah, I don't know. It's a good pilot episode. Not a good episode.

Liz: I want you to expand on that.

Anika: So the thing about pilots is, there are very few good ones out there. It's really hard to introduce a show in a way that isn't cliched, and isn't, like, a bunch of people expositing about everything you need to know about them to each other. It's a -- it's hard. It's hard to do it well.

Liz: Yes. If you want to see a bad pilot, I highly recommend the pilot for Babylon 5. It is unwatchably bad.

Anika: Voyager still has plenty of pilot problems, like, "Caretaker" still has plenty of pilot problems, but they cover a huge amount of ground. They introduce so many things, and when you think about all of the stuff that has to happen in this episode versus, say, "Encounter at Farpoint", which is really just a bunch of people introducing themselves to each other -- that's literally all that happens in "Encounter at Farpoint".

Liz: And not even by name.

Anika: And then Riker watches what happened in the opening scene? I mean, that is a terrible, terrible pilot, and a terrible episode.

Liz: My friend and their partner have decided to start with Star Trek at "Encounter at Farpoint". And I'm like, I love you. You are good people. You don't deserve this.

Anika: Don't do it! No.

But -- so what I like about "Caretaker" is that everyone except B'Elanna -- and I will tell you more about that in a little bit. But everyone except B'Elanna has an introduction that is not them introducing themselves to each other. Or to the audience. They don't stand and say, "Hello, I am Harry Kim."

There's like little bits and pieces, like the -- what we learned about Harry Kim is what Janeway says about him to Tuvok, you know. What we learn about Tom Paris is that, you know, he's in prison. And the first time we see Janeway is Tom looking up at her, and it pans up and she's got her hands on her hips. And she's like, "Hey, I'm totally in charge, and I'm here with Obi Wan Kenobi to rescue you."

So it does pilot things. We get that there is tension between everyone and Tom Paris, like, literally everyone and Tom Paris, there is tension. And we get that there is tension between the Maquis and the Starfleet people, we get that Janeway and Tuvok have a very close, established relationship. Like, there's a lot of established stuff going on?

The Janeway and Tuvok stuff is so much better than the Picard and Crusher stuff, like, I can't even -- they're worlds apart in terms of how they play.

Liz: And not just because the language of setting up a platonic friendship between a man and a woman is different from setting up a romantic tension. Seven years have passed, and the writing is different. And Janeway -- the woman is the one in a dominant position. And it's just better.

Anika: It's just better, it's just better. But the actual story is not. Like, the whole Caretaker thing, it's clearly a plot device, it's very deus ex machina for "we have to get them lost in the Delta Quadrant. Like, we have to get them to the Delta Quadrant, and then we have to get them lost here."

And so, while it is entirely Janeway's choice, she's the only one with agency. She takes it away from everyone else. There's no meeting to discuss any of these things. And it's all very driven by this "there was, a guy, an ancient guy who, like, steals people and keeps them as pets. And his favorite people, like, he needs to" -- it's just ridiculous. Like, he's seeding himself so that someone -- so his child will be stuck with this horrible job of taking care of his ant farm of Ocampa.

Everything about it is bad. Like, nothing in that whole story is good. He's a bad person. And it's so wildly ridiculous. Like, he dies before they can even begin to understand how any of it happened? Like, they just blow up the array?

Liz: It's sort of like the writers going, "Oh, shit, we really don't want to ask too many questions about this guy, we'd better kill him as fast as we can."

Anika: Exactly. So. So if you start to think about this story at all… Being a pilot that introduces you to these characters and this situation, it's bad. But if you're just watching to be introduced to these characters and this situation, it's good.

Liz: I have never thought about it in those terms until you said this in our preparation, but I think that's a really, really good point.

And I'm going to confess that I have not re-watched "Caretaker" to prepare for this episode because I have seen it so many times, I can quote big chunks of it by heart. And, honestly, it's actually not that rewatchable. Deep Space Nine is not my favorite Trek, but I have seen "Emissary" so many times, and I enjoy it every single time. After a while, watching "Caretaker" starts to feel like a chore.

Anika: Yeah, because what's actually happening is not interesting.

Liz: Yeah, yeah.

Anika: And it's just full of holes, and I just get mad at everybody if I start thinking about it.

Liz: That's before we get into the bit where the Kazon exist.

Anika: Oh, the Kazon. They tried so hard to make the Kazon happen. And it just never happened.

Liz: Re-watching season two for my blog, I was struck by the fact that, with a different writing team, the Kazon could have been really fascinating and nuanced and interesting. And instead, it's basically white people having a moral panic about Black people. You know, they explicitly said that the Kazon were, like, "They're based on East Los Angeles area gangs!" And I'm like, Sure, okay. That's potentially interesting, but you're all white people. And, you know, we find out that thirty years ago, they freed themselves from slavery. And that's why the--

Anika: Thirty years!

Liz: I know! I know! That is my own lifetime! [But] that's why they're low tech and dysfunctional and desperate. And they're not given even an ounce of empathy, or sympathy, or even consideration. Even "Initiations", which I think is a good episode, and certainly, by far the best Kazon episode, there's just -- there's one good Kazon, and that's it.

And I do think part of the problem is that we never see their women, we never see them in any situation other than hostility. But mostly, I think the problem is that the writers are racist.

Anika: And the one good Kazon is a kid.

Liz: Yeah, yes.

Anika: It's almost like it's like a white savior -- or a Chakotay savior story, you know, like, Dangerous Minds--

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: -- where Michelle Pfeiffer goes into the inner city to save it.

Liz: The mental image of Chakotay as Michelle Pfeiffer is amazing. And yeah, that is a really messed up genre, and the only good thing it ever gave us was "Gangsta's Paradise".

So, yeah, that limitation in the perception of the Kazon is built right there into this pilot. And a lot of people go, you know, "It's so stupid how they have spaceships and they don't make -- they can't replicate or create their own water." And it's like, this would have been a great opportunity to explain some of their history instead of going, "Surprise! It's actually really racist!" a season later.

Anika: Yep. It's just really bad. Everything's bad about the Kazon. They're not great. They're not good villains. And anything -- every time they are almost interesting, they're almost instantly not interesting and/or racist at the same time.

Liz: It troubles me that the series with the first female captain is also the first series where sexism and misogyny are treated as anything other than a joke. We've had the Ferengi for years, and it's always been, "Haha, they like women to be naked." And it's only now that suddenly these writers are forced to empathize with a female character, that they're like, "Oh, maybe that attitude is ... bad?"

Anika: Maybe it's bad. We never see a Kazon woman.

Liz: Right, are they living in -- is it a Kazon Handmaid's Tale thing? Or are they warriors in their own right? Do they have their own politics? Are they trying to pull the strings from the background and maybe doing so more successfully than Seska because they're further in the background? We don't know. We'll never know.

Are we the only people who look at Star Trek and go, but what if the Kazon came back?

Anika: So we're definitely the only people who look at Star Trek and think, what if the Kazon came back?

But Cullah was almost an interesting character. And, really, the most interesting he ever was was when he took the baby, and, like, cared. That he cared about any of that happening, that he cared about Seska dying. It was like, Oh, my gosh, this is a real relationship all of a sudden. So it's just interesting. And they had a lot of interesting Macbeth scenes that were fun, that could have been so much better if they'd leaned into that instead of what they did.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: But we're we're getting beyond the scope, because we're supposed to be talking about "Caretaker", and Cullah is not even in it

Liz: Turns out we could do a whole episode on the Kazon

Anika: Whoops!

Liz: That's really gonna get the listeners.

Anika: Let's talk about our first impressions of the crew.

Liz: So the scene where Tom looks up, and there's Kathryn Janeway with her bun of steel and her hands on her hips, and, you know, in her very first scene, she tells us that she was a scientist before she was a captain. I fell in love.

And yet, the pilot is really eager to tell us that just because she's a woman in command doesn't mean she's ... not a woman.

Anika: She has the world's most boring fiance.

Liz: Oh my God.

Anika: I hate -- like, my favorite part is that they're talking, they're facetiming on the viewscreen and all, and she's lliterally doing work while talking to him. Like, this is the last -- and they don't know that it's gonna be the last time for seven years, or whatever, but it's still gonna be months. And yet, she's just doing her work, and he has to tell her to look at him, which is hilarious. But he's also -- he's so milquetoast, I don't care.

Liz: He's just sort of your standard extruded Star Trek male love interest.

Anika: And then there's puppies. She loves her dog.

Liz: She loves her dog. She likes to be called ma'am rather than sir. It's a very 1990s "don't be too threatened" scenario, which is interesting, because you contrast that with Major Kira, who, I think, as the second lead, rather than the primary lead of the show, has more freedom to be abrasive, and unlikable, and unfeminine.

Anika: Yeah. But even in Deep Space Nine, like, Jadzia is super feminine. In presentation, at least, and the more it goes on, she gets -- the more they were like, "Don't worry, we also have this pretty one." Like, Nana Visitor is gorgeous, just, you know, don't yell at me. But--

Liz: After the pilot episode, she went and cut off her hair into -- it's not even a pixie cut. It's a really butch style. And she did that without getting the permission of the producers. She was just, like, that's how Major Kira would have her hair.

And then, over the next seven seasons, they worked really, really hard to force Kira into a feminine mold.

Anika: You're right, they absolutely do it to Janeway [too]. She has that whole Jane Eyre holoprogram thing that -- everything she does in her free time is, like, from the 19th century. It's just very weird. She's super old fashioned in her forward thinking scientist future ladyness.

Liz: I think a lot of that is down to Jeri Taylor, and the fact that she was already, for the '90s, older than the generation of feminists who were defining the movement at the time. I realized once that she's only a year younger than DC Fontana.

Anika: It's interesting. Kate Mulgrew was forty when she started Voyager, but according to apocrypha, she was playing five years younger, like, she's not supposed to be forty.

Liz: No, I've heard that too, that Janeway was meant to be about thirty-five. Which, I mean, I guess? Maybe?

Anika: [What that] means is that she is admiral super young. That's what I take out of it. So good on her. It's just weird. It's like, why? I don't know. It's just very Hollywood. It's very, "Oh my gosh, we can't have a forty-something woman in a starring role. We can't possibly do that. So, okay, we got this one and, and we're gonna go with her, but she's not really forty. You can still be attracted to her. You're allowed, everybody."

Liz: You know, "We've got her in a corset so she's thin, and she's in high heels so she's tall and she'll walk in a sexy way."

It really struck me, the first time I watched Discovery, the first time I watched "The Vulcan Hello", how feminine and comfortable Michelle Yeoh looked with her hair in a ponytail -- and it's a very loose ponytail -- and she's wearing flats. I was like, Oh my god, this is what Janeway could have been.

Anika: Right.

Liz: Now, I know that the next character on our list is Chakotay, but I think we should talk about Tom, because he and Harry the POV characters for this pilot. It's sort of telling that Chakotay is sidelined from the beginning.

Anika: I always say that there are three co-protagonists in this pilot. Tom, Janeway, and Kes are the people who have a point of view and an arc.

Liz: Yeah, you're right.

Anika: And everybody else is just sort of in their orbit.

Liz: Even Kes barely has agency.

Anika: It's a giant cast, so they couldn't -- and again, B'Elanna is not -- like, the B'Elanna that I know and love is not in this pilot. She's just not even actually there. There is a B'Elanna in this pilot, but it is not even close to who she is. And she's barely on screen. She's just an angry Klingon lady, that's all she is.

Liz: Who almost flashes her whole boob in one scene.

Anika: But she immediately -- like, the very next episode is a B'Elanna episode. So it's sort of like, "We didn't put any effort into her in the pilot, because we're gonna, you know, we're gonna have a whole episode about her. It's gonna be okay." And it's great, "Parallax" is a way better story.

Liz: Yeah, I don't think that's necessarily a bad choice. That's like Discovery taking six episodes to introduce it's whole cast. And I think B'Elanna is better served by that, but it's interesting how objectified she is in this story.

Anika: Yes.

Liz: To get back to Tom, I listened to the Delta Fliers episode on "Caretaker" when it came out. I'm sort of at peak Star Trek podcast, so I've gotten behind on them. But that's Robert Duncan McNeill and Garrett Wang talking about their memories of each episode. And--

Anika: It's very fun.

Liz: --among the things that I enjoyed were Robert Duncan McNeill calling himself out for how sleazy Tom is towards women, particularly Janeway. But he blames himself and I'm like, I'm pretty sure you are following a script, dude. Like, this is not your responsibility.

But also, he says at one point that Tom Paris was considered as a potential love interest for Janeway, and that they were going to cast someone older for the role.

Anika: I've been saying that since the beginning. Janeway and Paris, as we all know, are my OTP of Voyager. And I'm not off that! I ship that! Like, I ship literally everything. But it's always going to be -- Janeway and Paris are going to be the most important to me, in terms of Voyager characters, just partly because, again, I was, what, 20? And I -- not even--

Liz: Yep.

Anika: It was formative, you know, it's like, I loved Voyager so much, and I loved Janeway and Paris. The first fan fiction that I read and wrote was Janeway and Paris. Iit's just gonna be them.

And so the idea that they were ever considered, quote, unquote, canon, it just makes me feel like I wasn't a crazy person reading into the entire first two seasons.

Liz: No.

Anika: I firmly believe that you can see a relationship behind the scenes in the -- you know, up until he starts having a thing with B'Elanna.

Liz: No, in fact, there's a point in season two where Robbie is like, "I think this is around the time they stopped pushing Janeway and Paris and started moving towards Janeway and Chakotay."

I found that really interesting, because the other thing that we know about the development of Voyager is that they always wanted a Nick Locarno type of character. They always wanted Robert Duncan McNeill in the role. And, honestly, that doesn't mean that they never considered casting someone older. We know that there were legal issues with having the Nick Locarno character, and that's why he's Tom Paris.

And, you know, it's like how they auditioned men for Janeway and women for Chakotay at one point. Like how DS9 auditioned white men for Sisko, you throw everything at the wall and see if it sticks. But I think the AU with an older Paris would have been interesting.

Anika: I'm fine with it as is. I like the ten-year age gap, personally, but I don't even mind -- I wouldn't mind the five-year if she's really thirty-five. Whatever, fine. Then we're closer to a five-year age gap. But I like the idea of her, like, meeting him when he was a kid and then forgetting that that happened.

Liz: Not giving him any thought, and then meeting him as an adult and going, oh.

Anika: "Whoa."

Liz: Yeah. That would have been really cool because it's a sort of borderline creepy storyline that we see a lot with men and younger women. And I don't remember ever seeing it with women and younger men. And I like an age gap, and I like a relationship where there -- there are problematic elements to be negotiated.

Anika: Yes, exactly. Oh, my favorite things.

Liz: But also I think Tom Paris in the pilot is a deeply terrible person, and I hate him.

Anika: Oh, yeah.

Liz: So many of my friends are watching Voyager for the first time and going, Wow, Tom Paris, he is the worst. And I'm like, Yeah, but wait a few seasons, he's going to be the suburban dad of everyone's, I don't want to say everyone's dreams, but he's going to be peak suburban nice dad. And it'll be great.

Anika: You said that Robbie says that he blamed himself for being skeezy -- see, I give Robbie all the credit for him not being skeezy. I'm on the other side, where I really feel like they tried, they tried to make Tom Paris that guy, the guy that I don't ever like and never want in my Star Trek, and they keep trying to put him in Star Trek. Like, every series has that guy. And it was Tom Paris.

And he was just not capable of playing it. He put so much warmth into these horrible lines and situations that you couldn't -- you couldn't read it that way. And so there was, like, oh, there's something deeper here, he's not just hitting on people, he's lonely. He's not just, like, he's not getting, you know, doing -- he's not trying to hit on the captain in her pool [game] or whatever, he's actually trying to make a friend. He's telling her that she matters to him because she's giving him these second chances.

I read all of my Janeway/Paris stuff into these early seasons where he has horrible storylines, because the actors aren't acting like he's a skeevy, horrible person.

Liz: No, and all of Tom's good qualities are -- or seem to be -- Robert Duncan McNeill's good qualities. You know, he's open, he's generous. He's kind of funny, kind of a dork, but self-aware about it, and very passionate about holding up the people that he loves. That seems to be Robert Duncan McNeill. And that is who Tom Paris becomes.

But I also think, like, what you were saying about how he's not flirting, he's trying to make friends, I also think that his background in terms of having neglectful and emotionally negligent parents, he needs people to like him. And if the only way he can do that is to make them attracted to him -- to build an attraction -- that's the strategy he'll use.

Anika: It's such a psychological thing that really happens, and again, often with women.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: I gotta say, this might be a good place to say, where Voyager does an incredible job of giving all of the men various feminine traits or, like, you know, stereotypically woman-centered things that happen--

Liz: Right, right, Chakotay is sensitive and domestic. And Tuvok defines himself to a large degree by his parenthood, and Neelix is the cook, and the Doctor is a caretaker, and Harry -- with Harry, I feel like a lot of it's bound up in anti-Asian racism, to be honest, and the emasculation of Asian men. But he is another very sensitive and gentle guy who doesn't really like -- he likes to be romanced, he doesn't like to be seduced.

Anika: It's great. And then, you know, the women -- we get B'Elanna in the engineering role. And she's also angry all the time.

Liz: Yes.

Anika: And Janeway is a scientist and in charge, you know, she's the authority.

Liz: And Seven -- Seven, when she's comes, in is sort of her own thing altogether. But she's the Spock. She's the Odo. She's the Data. And it's notable that the most classically feminine of the characters is Kes, and she's the one who is treated as a failure and discarded and in the fourth season.

Anika: Yeah. They don't know how to write for her, is what it comes down to

Liz: I think it's that thing where they don't know how to empathize with women who don't act in some way, like men. And this is all very binary and very steeped in stereotypes and generalization.

Anika: But it's very '90s.

Liz: It is so '90s.

Anika:

I can say, as a child of the '90s -- I can still call myself that -- that it's what we were grappling with. Like, the '80s were -- there was this whole power fantasy stuff, right? And then the '90s were, you know, grunge and riot grrrls. And so there's just -- this show, like, yeah, it's using all those stereotypes, and so that's why I'm calling them feminine traits. I don't think that cooking or being a good parent or having soft hair or being a musician is feminine in any way.

Liz: No, but we are dealing in stereotypes.

Anika: It's gender coding. That's what I'm talking about.

Liz: Relatedly, one of the reasons Janeway's character is considered 'inconsistent', and I'm using air quotes because I don't think that's actually -- I don't think she's the worst in terms of inconsistent writing and Star Trek captains. But -- (Archer) -- but part of the reason for that--

Anika: My trash boy.

Liz: --is that all the writers had a different feminine stereotype or archetype in mind when they were writing Janeway. Some people saw her as a schoolmarm and Jeri Taylor saw her as an earth mother for some godforsaken unknown reason. And it seems like no one was really able to go, "Hey, what if we get past the stereotypes and archetypes and just write her as a ... person?"

Anika: It's just bad. And it's true. There are definitely inconsistencies where she -- the one that I always point out is that she has this super faith thing where she literally has a scene where she explains the concept of faith and God to Harry Kim. And then, a season later, she has to go save Kes from whatever horrible thing is holding Kes hostage.

Liz: And suddenly she's a TV atheist.

Anika: Yeah. And it's like, what are you talking about? That is not Janeway. It's just wrong. You can't have it both ways. And so there are inconsistencies.

I think you're right, that it's a problem with different people having -- like, putting different ideas of who Janeway is onto her.

Liz: And certainly, Archer is at his worst when they try and force him into an equally narrow masculine box.

Anika: Yeah. Right.

Liz: So, the patriarchy. It hurts men too!

Anika: But I do think that, yeah, Janeway isn't alone in her inconsistencies. And I also think, of every Star Trek character, or every captain, she has the most reason to be inconsistent.

Liz: One hundred percent. Because she's the only one--

Anika: She shouldn't be--

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: She shouldn't be consistent when she's holding the entire, like, the idea of Starfleet and the Federation herself. She's gluing it together in a place that doesn't know what any of those words even mean.

Liz: And she can never get a break. Picard can take a holiday and go to Risa, and wear skimpy shorts, and have a fling, and have adventures. Janeway has to do all that in the context of her ship.

Anika: Right. And she's always captain. She never gets to not be captain, even if she's in the holodeck hanging out.

Liz: Yeah. Basically, Voyager is 2020, and Janeway is working from home.

Anika: So I cut her a little slack.

Liz: Hah, I cut her a lot of slack.

Anika: And I write into my own little headcanons that it is all of this psychological stuff that she's dealing with. Uou know, I say, Oh, well, she was depressed then, so she was making these choices. So.

Liz: Honestly, Janeway makes sense to me. There are inconsistencies, but she holds -- like, she feels consistent emotionally. And that's what's important.

Anika: Right.

Liz: Let's talk about Chakotay, who you've described here as the most stereotypical Native character ever.

Anika: It's just really sad.

Liz: I -- yeah.

Anika: Like it's sad on every level, because now, creating a Native character now, which they should definitely do, but putting that character into Star Trek, that character automatically is stuck with the Chakotay baggage. And that's just so upsetting. We're never going to get this clean, quote unquote, Native character, because of this mess that we got with Chakotay, where he -- like, it was already bad, the TNG episode isn't any better. That episode is really bad.

Liz: That's the episode "Journey's End", which sets up either Chakotay's home planet or one very much like it, colonized by Native Americans, because that is absolutely how Indigenous people work.

Anika: So bad. And then they get kicked out, kind of like in Picard, you know, Starfleet's like, "You gotta leave now, because the Cardassians own this place." And it's like, but they don't really? And no one really does?

So, right, it puts them on the wrong -- it's just all it's all bad. It's all bad. And it's all very much a white person writing what they think an Indigenous person is.

Liz: Right.

Anika: All it did the dream watching, and--

Liz: The vision quest...

Anika: --none of it is true. That's where I end the sentence, none of it is true to the idea of an Indigenous character. And it's just it never gets good in Voyager. I want to like Chakotay, and I have troubles.

Liz: To their credit, they hired a consultant. Unfortunately, the consultant was a white fraud, a Native faker, who was already notorious for being a fake, and Native American groups had been warning Hollywood for years that he was actually a white guy. So they start off on a bad foot.

They audition a lot of Native American actors and decide they're too, quote unquote, on the nose, meaning too Native American. So they cast Robert Beltran, who is a very talented Mexican American actor, who doesn't seem to have any Native heritage. I don't know how Indigenous identity in Mexico works, but to my knowledge, he doesn't really participate in Native culture, or anything like that. So, yeah, they just went for the nearest brown guy, basically.

Anika: And the thing is, if he was Mexican American, and not Native, that would be better,

Liz: Right, or just a Mexican American character who has some Native heritage that he is learning about, like, that is a really interesting story. But like, so much of it is dated even for 1996.

Anika: Right. That's right, exactly.

Liz: I remember as a kid cringing every time they use the word Indian, because even then I knew that the new and appropriate term was Native American. And just the whole "I hear in some tribes, if I save your life, you belong to me" -- that's a setup for a slash fic. It shouldn't be canonical.

Anika: Yeah, everything about poor Chakotay is poorly done. And the further we get from Voyager, like, the more time goes on, the -- [it gets] more blatantly bad. It really starts to stick out.

Liz: I understand what you're saying, that everything they do from now is tainted by what they did with Chakotay. But I really do think that new Trek, the Trek Renaissance, needs Indigenous representation.

Anika: They should definitely do it.

Liz: Yeah, like Discovery films in Toronto and there is no shortage of hugely talented Native Canadian -- I think it's Canadian Aboriginal? Of Indigenous Canadian actors. And and, obviously, Evan Evagora in Picard is half-Maori ... but he's playing a Romulan, so.

Anika: I'm not saying they shouldn't do it because of all this baggage. I just feel sorry for the actor.

Liz: Yes.

Anika: I feel badly for the person who has to deal with it.

Liz: Also because they're inevitably going to end up on panels with Robert Beltran, and honestly, he seems like a dick.

Anika: Everything I've seen of Robert Beltran has been very, like, dismissive, I guess, is the best way -- like, when people bring up to him that, you know, maybe it wasn't the best representation of an Indigenous population, he sort of gets defensive and doesn't listen.

Liz: Yeah.

So let's move on to the greatest character in all of Star Trek...

Anika: Tuvok?!

Liz: Tuvok! Yes.

Anika: I have a Tuvok standee in my house now. I love it. It's just -- Tuvok is amazing. Best Vulcan by far.

Liz: Yes.

Anika: His relationship with Janeway is so precious to me. I just love everything about it. I love how warm it is right off from the beginning. I love that he is just as -- he does crazy stuff for Janeway, the way that Kirk does crazy stuff for Spock. It's that same level of "that's insane," and I love that. I love that they have that relationship. And I'm forever sad that they are the least represented in fan fiction. Like, even, like, platonic. I'm not saying -- I do, I would ship them. But...

Liz: But we don't even have fic about them having adventures.

Anika: Right? There's just -- I mean, Tuvok, yes, best character in Trek. Chemistry with everyone is highly -- [but] he's the least represented in Voyager. It's very upsetting to me because it cannot not be racism. There's just -- I don't have another explanation for why Tuvok is so ignored.

Liz: I have a theory, but I think the primary reason is indeed racism. But I also think it's that Tuvok enters the series as a man who already knows who he is, and his regrets are mainly behind him, and he doesn't really change much over the course of the series, save that he unbends to an extent to reveal his affection more than he did at the start. But, on the whole, he's not the most dynamic character.

And I love that about him! I love his stability, I love the respect that he has for everyone, even Neelix, who often doesn't deserve it. And I think he is a character who is almost the heart and soul of the show in a way that's easily overlooked because he is entertaining and fun to watch with every single other regular character.

When I put it like that, the only reason he is overlooked -- aside from -- like, I really do think a lot of it comes down to racism

Anika: Yeah, he absolutely is stable. And he absolutely does -- he's a supporting character in every way? He supports, but it's sort of like, so shouldn't he be supporting people? Can't we still write fic about that? I don't understand.

Liz: Now I'm thinking that if he was a white guy, he would probably be the male bicycle of the cast. Like I realized the entire cast minus Neelix is basically the bicycle, but now I'm side-eyeing fandom extra hard.

Anika: I just love Tuvok so much. And I have written Tuvok, but I've definitely written for January and Paris. So I'm also part of the problem, I guess.

Liz: I will confess that I completely overlooked him until my current rewatch, so I am not excusing myself from anything here.

Anika: I try to give him, you know, his due, at least in my ensemble fic. I don't actually write much Voyager fic right now.

Liz: No, no. I haven't for years

Anika: And also T'Pel, too, I'm, like, on a mission to give T'Pel literally any characterization whatsoever.

Liz: Someone somewhere out there is going to write me a Janeway/Tuvok/T'Pel fic, and I'm going to be very grateful.

Anika: Nice.

Liz: We're almost at an hour. Let's talk about Harry Kim. Every time I watch "Caretaker", I'm blown away by how beautiful Garrett Wang is, and the floppiness of his perfect '90s non-threatening boy hair. It's magnificent.

Anika: That's absolutely true. One of my photo caps, he just has amazing hair. One shot, you know, my, like, tagline for Janeway is that her hair is fabulous. And I was like, Oh, HIS hair is fabulous, and I compared it to Poe Dameron.

Liz: Oh, no, you're not wrong. I said something in my "Q and the Gray" post about how the only redeeming feature of that episode was Harry's floppy hair. And then I mentioned that when I linked to it on Twitter, and Garrett Wang replied, and I -- I cannot be acknowledged by the actors in that way. Like, I want to objectify you, you don't get to respond. This is a one-way relationship.

Anika: Poor Harry Kim. Harry Kim is another one who is routinely overlooked by fandom. But unlike with Tuvok, there are like the rabid Harry Kim fans who will come to his defense and do write him, usually with Tom, but--

Liz: I understand that there is a thriving, powerful of Tom/Harry shippers, and I don't ship it, but I fully respect them.

Anika: And so he has his own little corner, I guess, of the fandom. But it is still true that, in wider fandom, if you're gonna ask non-Voyager fans -- but Trek fans -- they'll point out Harry Kim as a waste of space, that he has no characterization whatsoever--

Liz: Lies!

Anika: --that, literally all they know about him is that he was never promoted during the series. And it's just, it's gross.

Liz: Which is, again, racism.

Anika: Which is just really bad.

Liz: Because Rick Berman did not like Garret Wang.

Anika: Exactly. What I do when I'm watching Voyager, and I really saw it -- like, Voyager actually does a good job -- you know how we were always complaining about making the bridge crew annoyingly prominent in Discovery? Voyager does a really good job with their giant ensemble. And to be fair, they're all like actual regulars.

Liz: They are, which I do think was a mistake.

Anika: They're supposed to be prominent, but little things. Like there's this great part where we learn that Harry wears a mask to sleep, and why. And, of course, he has his clarinet and his love of music, that he, saved up replicator rations to make a clarinet because he left his actual one at home.

And he has his fiancee, and when he is in that little bubble reality where he's back on Earth, and he has like a favorite coffee place, and he has a favorite coffee order. And it's like, those are the details that I want. You know, they're like throwaway -- not important to the plot. They just tell you who Harry is.

Liz: And what he values.

Anika: And he's a really sweet guy that cares about community, and knows people's names, and pays attention to little things. I don't understand the criticism that Harry Kim doesn't have character, because he has so much character.

Liz: What I don't get is this idea that Harry Kim is bad with women. He is wildly successful with women. He just finds it uncomfortable when women come at him aggressively. Like--

Anika: Yeah!

Liz: --that's it. And I think, again, this memetic idea that Harry is bad with women is racist, because it comes up in the script, and people accept it as reality, but it's not remotely true.

Anika: It's not true. And it's weird. He has plenty of little one-off relationships.

Liz: Right!

Anika: It's strange. It's strange. And also this idea that he's not promoted. That's not on Harry.

Liz: No. That is, in universe, on Janeway and, in reality, on Rick Berman

Anika: Right.

Liz: And why are we passing up an opportunity to criticize Rick Berman? We love that shit!

Anika: Let's always criticize Rick. Definitely everything wrong is Rick Berman. And, you know, all of them. Brannon Braga and Jeri Taylor aren't -- they're better than Rick Berman, but they aren't great.

Liz: No, no, I'm very fond of Braga because I share his tastes for weird science fictional time travel stuff. Buuuuuut...

Anika: There's stuff. There are things that are questionable. And obviously Rick Berman is a trash person and not the way that Jonathan Archer is.

Liz: No, he is a trash person in the low level #MeToo way.

Anika: Right. But back to Harry.

Liz: Yes.

Anika: Harry had a fiancee, so I don't exactly understand how he's bad with women. And in the new Janeway autobiography, he gets back with her.

Liz: Oh, nice!

Anika: I was like, Oh, that's actually -- like, I always sort of I make fun of [Libby] almost as much as I make fun of Mark, but that's really not fair to Libby, because she--

Liz: She has a personality.

Anika: In the one episode we get with her -- yeah, she has a personality, they actually have a really sweet relationship that I'm sort of, like, I can cheerlead that, you know? And since I don't like any of his canon relationships in the show, it's like, sure, he gets back together with Libby. They have a happy life, that's great.

Liz: Yeah, I love that for him.

Anika: I'd also -- while we're because we're allegedly talking about "Caretaker"--

Liz: Oh, yeah.

Anika: The pet names, the way that B'Elanna and Harry call each other Starfleet and Marquis, every once in a while it comes back up, and every time I'm happy, and I love their relationship the way that it -- like, it's not actually in the show. But their relationship that is seen in those tiny moments where they call each other by these pet names, and they support each other and, like, share, Tom is really great.

I just wish that they had built on the potential of those characters and that relationship, and that we got more of that friendship.

Liz: And it really feels like they were setting the groundwork for a canonical romance. And I have to believe that the only reason they didn't go through with that was, again, racism.

Anika: Yeah. Racism.

Liz: Because it had faded well into the background before they worked out that Roxann Dawson had amazing chemistry with Robert Duncan McNeill. And I like Tom and B'Elanna, but I also would have liked Harry and B'Elanna.

I just think at some point early on, they decided, "Actually this Asian kid, we're not going to do anything to support him or uphold him."

And, you know, allegedly he was the one -- almost the one who was fired at the end of season three, and then Garrett Wang made it onto the People's most beautiful 50 Most Beautiful People of the Year list, and they ditched Jennifer Lien instead.

Wang has said that that's not entirely accurate, and I think I'll have to dip back into Delta Fliers when he discusses that, because certainly Jennifer Lien seems to have had problems even then.

Anika: Yes.

Liz: And I hate that her career came to an end because I wonder if she would have been in a better position now than if she had -- if it had not [been her that was let go]. For those who don't follow Voyager actors in the news, Lien has not acted for a long time, and I think is living in Texas, and has racked up a bunch of criminal charges. And basically -- "don't do meth" is the moral of the story.

Anika: Her story reminds me a lot of Grace Lee Whitney's.

Liz: Yeah. And you know, Whitney really struggled with addiction for a very long time, and got through it and her career revived, and she wound up having a successful and happy life. So I hope that comes true for Lien as well. Is this a good segue to talk about Kes?

Anika: Yes. I love Kes, and they from the beginning did not know how to write her. They did not know what they were going to do with her. I hate her introduction. I love Kes as, like, the girl who's climbing up the rabbit hole.

Liz: The fairy princess going on adventures.

Anika: But I hate the fact that we meet her as battered and bruised, and a prisoner, and being saved by Neelix, who's lying to our heroes in order to do it. Everything is bad about that. That's not just -- that's just not good.

Liz: I think even if Janeway had been the one to save her, it would have been better.

Anika: Yes.

Liz: But yeah, I think the whole Neelix/Kes relationship was--

Anika: Oof!

Liz: --poorly conceived. Yur note here is that Kes is an abuse victim and also a literal child. And to be honest, I never have any problem accepting the Ocampa for fully grown adults at the age of one, and they are sexually mature and emotionally mature -- or as emotionally mature as an adult twenty-year-old can be, and there's nothing skeevy happening here. But nevertheless, the gap in age between Ethan Phillips and Jennifer Lien is so great?

Anika: Right.

Liz: I think if they had cast someone younger as Neelix, it might have worked, but it was so far from being a relationship between equals.

Anika: The issue with the actors' ages is, because they're both playing aliens, and they're both playing aliens that are new, even -- like, they're not even Vulcans or whatever, that we're aware of, we don't know how how old either -- like, I guess we know that Ocampa live to be seven-years-old. But until she comes back in "Fury", I was always sort of like, What's seven? You know, we made up time, seven in the Delta Quadrant could be eighty, we don't know. You know, it's another thing that you shouldn't think too much about in science fiction.

And then, Neelix. The thing is that even if he is a young -- what is he? Talaxian? Even if he is a young Talaxian, he has a ship, he has a job. He was in the military for a while, and left.

Liz: I was gonna say, his history in the military makes me think he's considerably older than, say, thirty?

Anika: Yeah. He's lived too much to have this. And she literally lived her two years underground, being one of the Caretaker's ants in his ant farm. [Note from Liz: we regret to report that Kes is, in fact, one year old in "Caretaker". She turns two in "Twisted" and WHY DO I KNOW THIS WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP?] She has no experience whatsoever. So putting those two together is the -- it's just not balanced in any way.

Liz: No. And I, as much as I love an age gap, there are certain conditions that have to be in place for me to be on board. One is that, in experience, or intelligence, they have to be equals. And two, the story has to acknowledge the unevenness and the consequences of that. And Voyager tried really, really hard not to.

Anika: Right.

Liz: It felt dishonest in a way. And then there was the whole Neelix jealousy subplot that came along a season or so later. It really served both characters poorly. I like Neelix? But I like him best after Kes breaks up with him in season three.

Anika: I like him best, really, after Kes is gone. Unfortunately,

Liz: No, no, that makes sense. I think sometimes a relationship holds a character back, even the memory of it. And it's easier to overlook the skeeviness of the Neelix/Kes relationship once Kes is gone.

Anika: And the issue is that Neelix's other closest relationship is with Tuvok, who is another person who -- like, Tuvok is Mr. Boundaries, and Neelix doesn't know what a boundary is.

Liz: Yeah. That's my other beef.

Anika: So my -- like, I get why they put those two characters together, and why they built up that relationship. But when you look at the way that Neelix treats Kes, and the way that Neelix treats Tom, and the way that Neelix treats Tuvok together, it doesn't make Neelix look good.

Liz: No, no, you kind of have to take him -- you really have to compartmentalize him.

And it's a shame, because I love Kes, and I really identified with her when I was a teenage girl. Obviously I identified with Janeway, and weirdly, I sort of overlooked B'Elanna because she was so angry, and I was very much in denial about being an angry teenage girl. But I love her now, obviously.

But one of the reasons that they thought Kes was unappealing was that she was too much aimed at the teenage girl demographic. And in the costume book, they describe her as dressing like a teenage girl. And I'm like, you keep saying that like it's a bad thing!

Anika: Hollywood -- society as a whole -- really looks down on teenage girls.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: And, you know, a politician says something that you don't like, and they say, "Oh, just like a teenage girl." And it's like, what? What are you talking about? So yeah, it's just bad.

Liz: I'm just saying, you know, who were the first to be into the Beatles? Teenage girls.

Anika: Well, teenage girls are great, and we should always support them. I have that -- that's one of my, like, reusable hashtags, #SupportTeenGrls, because it's just, it's just silly. It's silly not to.

Liz: I think that Kes could easily have coexisted with Seven. Like, I think it would have been really fascinating.

Anika: Yeah! You've said this before, that they should -- like, they should have had, like, five regulars and a bunch of supporting characters. And that's true.

Liz: If they had gotten to season four and dropped, say, Kes and Harry down to recurring, so there's not the pressure to have them in every episode and not the pressure to give them stories--

Anika: And Neelix! Why are we keeping Neelix?

Liz: Oh yeah, no, Neelix has to go.

Anika: Just saying. But for some reason, they were really against all of, like, that.

Liz: Ironically for a science fiction show, I think Star Trek in the '90s was really afraid to change.

Anika: Yeah, it's because, you know what happened with Terry Farrell, where she was like, "Look, I don't want to be a regular. I still want to play this character. I just don't want to be a regular," and they were like, "No." And--

Liz: You say "they", but--

Anika: --they wrote her out and brought in someone else. Yeah.

Liz: It's Rick Berman.

Anika: We all know who.

Liz: This is a great episode for criticizing Berman. I love it.

Anika: Itwould have made so much more sense to spread the love. But ... I don't know, they wrote B'Elanna really well, so I gotta give them that. B'Elanna is my -- you know, B'Elanna and Seven -- but Seven is, like, on a whole other level. B'Elanna is--

Liz: Seven is extraordinary. B'Elanna is also--

Anika: --an incredibly well-written character over seven seasons. She goes on a journey. And they check back in with her at the same time, you know, every season. And it's really clever, and it's really well done.

I don't know how they did so well with B'Elanna when they did so poorly with others. But they did. And maybe -- I said that she's angry all the time, and that's a, quote unquote, masculine trait. And so maybe it just was easier to do -- like it was easier for the writers to write that. But you said that you didn't initially identify with B'Elanna.

Liz: No.

Anika: I want to repeat something I said on a panel some years ago now, where I said, B'Elanna is my Spock.

Liz: I remember you've talked about that before, and I think it's a really great point. And I think having a character who is as angry as her, and as conflicted about her identity, and whose story carries over seven seasons -- and it never really comes to an easy resolution. She goes forward, she goes backwards. She has good days, she has bad days. I think it's an absolute masterclass in writing a key supporting character over time.

Anika: That she is consistent in her inconsistency, that all of the inconsistencies that come up in B'Elanna 's story are there -- are pointed out, are part of the plot, are, like, "We're gonna deal with this now."

And she's consistently going back and forth in different ways, and she never gets over her -- like, she never fully gets over her identity issues. She's dealing with, an anxiety issue pretty much throughout the entire -- even in the seventh season, she's still dealing with that anxiety.

Liz: Yeah!

Anika: And that's true to life. And so it's just really well done. I think that if they had paid more attention to her, they would have screwed her up.

Liz: That's exactly what I was going to say.

Anika: It's exactly the right amount of attention.

Liz: I feel like B'Elanna's story succeeds because she's a supporting character, and she's not the focus of attention the way Janeway and Seven are. And therefore, there's not the pressure riding on her, and not the level of attention, and they can just go through and quietly tell a good story, you know, the way they did with Worf in TNG. Worf's story back then was very -- pre-Deep Space Nine -- was very consistent and very well-told. I mean, you need to have tolerance for Klingon shit, but I'm a bit fond of Klingon bullshit.

So -- so we have not discussed the Doctor.

Anika: Oh, the Doctor. Well, he is barely a person in this first episode.

Liz: He's just Cranky Siri.

Anika: He's literally the program. He doesn't do anything new. He grows -- that's a character tha goes on quite the journey over Voyager, you know, it's kind of required of that character to grow in many ways.

Liz: But what's interesting is that he wasn't planned to be a funny character, and that was something that Robert Picardo brought to the role. And it almost leads to him taking over the series. Like, I find the Doctor very wearisome. And this argument that Seven of Nine takes over, when the Doctor is there every second episode. Seriously?

Anika: Yeah, Seven takes over in a way that, like, Tuvok, Chakotay -- B'Elanna's pretty -- like, B'Elanna's always second tier, that's where she exists. So she doesn't change. Tom arguably -- but Tom still gets to do all his Tom stuff.

But Harry, Chakotay and Tuvok, definitely, are sort of put in the shadows by Seven. You're absolutely correct, the Doctor has just as much character stuff. But he's been there all along, I guess. Like, you don't see it as a change, because what happens is his story doesn't go back the way that Tuvok's and Chakotay's -- he's not put in that box.

Liz: I think it frustrates me with the Doctor, whereas it doesn't with Seven, because I feel like, with Seven, they were doing something genuinely revolutionary in terms of the character and the way her story was written. And it obviously built on a lot of great writing from other science fiction series.

But Seven was new, and the Doctor is just, you know, mash up Data with McCoy and you've got the holographic doctor.

Anika: I am interested that you said that he wasn't meant to be funny, because I can't actually imagine him as not funny.

Liz: No, I know!

Anika: Like, what even would that be? That would literally be like, you know, Siri talking to me. That's not interesting.

Liz: I get the impression that he was basically conceived as Medical Siri. And I guess because it was the '90s and we didn't have Siri, then no one realized how boring that concept would be. And I think the idea always was that he would grow -- go on this journey of personhood, but it's Robert Picardo, who made it a journey of comedy personhood.

Anika: I like it. I like that. I can't imagine it another way.

I don't love the Doctor, I think I agree with you that it's just sort of tired. It's like, we did Odo, we did Data, we did Spock. And Seven brings something different to those same tropes, whereas the Doctor doesn't, really.

The Doctor is basically Data again, not the same personality, but it's sort of the same idea. He's also put on trial to prove that he exists, and he's also used in poor ways. I like the Doctor-centric episodes that aren't about his identity, but are more about how his identity fits into his community.

Liz: Yes, no, that makes sense. And, yeah, I don't dislike the Doctor. I just get tired of him by the end of season seven.

Anika: I mean, I think that's fair. I think that he also has a harsh personality.

Liz: Yeah, a little goes a long way. And honestly, I don't think he's a very good doctor. So ... he's not ... yeah.

Anika: I wouldn't want Siri to be my doctor either.

Liz: No, and we know that he was programmed by one of the biggest creeps in Starfleet.

Anika: Yes!

Liz: And I'm not even talking about Reginald Barclay!

Anika: Well, yeah, it's kind of amazing that he is a nice person at all, really, when you think about it?

Liz: Sheer luck, and also the influence of Kes.

Anika: Yeah, I was gonna say, it's the people. And that's why those are the more interesting episodes. Because someone building an identity is not as interesting as someone becoming more of themselves because of the interactions that they're having.

Liz: Right, yes.

So your note here is, "Janeway's choice. If this were a Cardassian ship, we'd be home now. If this were a Klingon ship, we'd be home now. If this were a Vulcan ship, we'd be home now. Why are humans?"

Anika: I'm just saying.

Liz: Which brings me to my thought, like, we don't see Seska in this episode, but I have to think that the whole Caretaker shenanigans -- it's just a very bad day for her. She's thrown to the other side of the galaxy, she's abducted, she's put through tests.

Then it turns out that Tuvok was a spy, and she didn't even notice, and that it has to be embarrassing, even though he didn't notice her, so at least they're even.

And then this Starfleet captain goes and traps them on the other side of the galaxy, and she has to wear a Starfleet uniform, and she's going to be on this ship for seventy years pretending to be a Bajoran?

Anika: Seska's worst day ever.

Liz: Uh, yeah, basically.

Anika: But, yeah, so obviously I was quoting Seska in the "If this were a Cardassian ship, we'd be home now." One of the best lines, best episodes? Yes. But, one hundred percent, Klingons and Vulcans would also not have done this. And probably Andorians. It's pretty much very human to do this.

Liz: It is. And I think it reflects the way that we have a strong sense of justice and decency and also a dash of paternalism.

Anika: I guess it's also a super American choice?

Liz: That brings me to my note here, "the Social Security controversy", because this episode ends with Janeway telling the Caretaker that, you know, children have to grow up and the Ocampa have to learn to stand on their own feet.

And a lot of -- this aired around the time that Bill Clinton was tipping a lot of people off Social Security, and a lot of left-wing and liberal viewers interpreted this episode as having a subtext -- basically an anti-Social Security subtext.

And it's interesting, because all through the series, Voyager does sort of have this odd, low-key reactionary tendency. You know, refugees are a bit scary. These former slaves are scary, and not white, and all of that stuff. And it's really built into the pilot.

Anika: Yeah, it's definitely there. And, you know, Voyager is my Trek, I guess, as you say.

Liz: And that's how we can criticize it.

Anika: And that's how we can criticize it, right. And I am very critical all the time.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: Of many of the things both within the storylines, and things that happened behind the scenes and outside of -- and like, why things happened the way they did, and the storylines and stuff like that, all of that.

I can't watch an episode without thinking about the different things, and the way that I saw it when, again, I was a very young adult (in terms of science, not an adult at all) and yet, being asked to make decisions that they kept saying would affect my whole life. "Where do you want to go to college? What do you want to major in? What are you going to do with your life?" You know, and it's like, I don't know.

Liz: "I'm a kid, man."

Anika: And Voyager was my show at that time. And I was also -- like, I've mentioned before, on various places, I went through a -- I was -- I had a mental breakdown during Voyager. As Voyager ended, within six months after Voyager ended, I was hospitalised. So it I think it was even -- because -- if it ended in May that -- yeah, it was like, less than.

So it's just really -- I was becoming a person when Voyager happened, and on the backside of it, on the other end, when it was over. And I literally named myself after Seven of Nine. So when I say that Voyager shaped my personhood, I mean, it literally. Watching this show, at that time of my life, it shaped how I think, and how I feel, and how I see. And that's why I can look back on it without my rose colored glasses, and say, Whoo, that's really rough.

And I'm on Tuvok's side, whenTuvok was like, "This is not our job. We are, we are -- like, that guy was overinvested in this nonsense, and you're just -- you're just continuing that, and you have even less reason to be doing this."

That's why I love Seska so much. That's why I'm always talking about Seska, because Seska's the one who's pointing at it and saying, "This is -- like, letting the Kazon do whatever they want is a wrong decision. But what you're doing is also a wrong decision." And--

Liz: I don't think Janeway is necessarily wrong. I think the Kazon would have probably wiped out the Ocampa if they were left to their own devices. I think, if you can prevent a genocide, then you should do so.

Anika: Everything I know about the Kazon ... I don't think that they could--

Liz: You don't think they're capable?

Anika: 'Cos there were two ships.

Liz: Yeah, that's true.

Anika: Like how would -- I don't see people who have to steal water being able to take out the Ocampa.

Like, the Ocampa not being able to defend themselves is a problem, that is true, the Ocampa not being able to leave their planet. But I guess my point is that the Caretaker is the one who put them in that position.

Liz: Right.

Anika: And Janeway still, like -- yeah, they blow up the array and the two Kazon ships, but then they still leave. Like, the Ocampa are still hanging out on their planet, right?

Liz: And they don't even know about the danger. They don't even know that the Caretaker is dying.

Anika: So I don't see how Voyager taking care of this one threat, and then bouncing, is actually better for the Ocampa.

Liz: It's so typical of '90s Trek.

Anika: I guess there's no right choice here is the real -- the real answer is, there's no good choice, and so I'm fine with Janeway's choice. I just think--

Liz: As opposed to killing Tuvix, which is the only right choice.

Anika: I'm just saying that the idea -- like, Janeway's saviorhood is super -- you can tell that her dad was an admiral, you can tell that she lives and breathes Starfleet. And that's interesting, and that's good, and that makes her a great character. I just am that person who says, also Starfleet can be bad sometimes.

Liz: Yes. And also, I think that if this had been a Next Generation episode, there would have been a meeting about it where everyone argues the rights and wrongs of destroying the array and incorporating the Maquis into the crew. But because they're so set on establishing Janeway as a, quote unquote, strong female character, there was no room for that consultation. She needed to make that decision or else they thought it might be sexist, I guess?

Anika: I guess? She just comes off as like --

Liz: High handed.

Anika: Yeah. It's just, literally Tuvok is like, "Hey, maybe let's not do that." And she's like, "No, I'm gonna do that." And then--

Liz: I'm sorry. When Tuvok speaks, you should listen.

Anika: Right?

I mean, the truth is, in more than one episode, Tuvok, like -- in the teaser, Tuvok will say something, and then it'll turn out to be correct. And the entire episode would not have happened if we just listened to Tuvok.

Liz: See, this is why Tuvok needs to join the cast of Star Trek: Picard. Like, maybe their episodes would be shorter, but they will have a much easier time getting things done.

Anika: They also need an adult.

Liz: And obviously Picard is not -- you know, he's the cool granddad.

Anika: But yeah, so I just think it's very human. It's very American. It's very, it's very '90s, as you say. Absolutely. Like that is -- and it's interesting to look at it from our lens of now, to look back and think about how the entire series is based on this one decision.

Liz: Yeah. I don't think I know enough to really say this with any intelligence, but I'm not going to let that stop me! It sort of highlights the difference between liberalism and leftism? And I think Voyager thinks it's very liberal, and is actually very centrist.

Anika: Right, which is what liberalism is.

Liz: And that is so 1990s. This is Clinton-era Star Trek.

Anika: Very much so.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: Well, that was fun!

Liz: We have talked about "Caretaker" for about as long as "Caretaker" runs. I'm so proud of us!

Anika: Whoops! Um, before we wrap up, I have one thing I wanted to say.

Liz: Yes?

Anika: This aired in 1995.

Liz: Oh, shit!

Anika: So it's actually the 26th anniversary.

Liz: Oh, that's so interesting!

Anika: But since 2020 was--

Liz: 2020?

Anika: --you know, let's just skip over that, we can call it the 25th.

Liz: 25th with an asterisk. Yeah, that makes sense, because I was born in '82. So I was thirteen in the summer of '95. Cool. Okay. I'm really glad that we got this sorted out.

Anika: I was like, okay, when did I graduate? I was trying to figure out exactly how old I was. And so yeah, so I looked up the air date and, yeah.

Liz: My very first memory of being aware of Voyager was a column about Genevieve Bujold quitting the role. And I had a scrapbook where I cut out and saved any Star Trek related articles that happened to cross my path. I saved this article because it was basically, overworked, underpaid journalist thinks that being a starship captain sounds much easier and doesn't know what Bujold was complaining about.

What I took from that column at age about twelve is, Ooooh, another Star Trek, and this one has a lady captain! I don't know if I can ship a lady captain because any of the crew will be subordinate to her in rank. Oh, well, I'll watch it anyway, and I'll probably like it. Anyway, when's seaQuest on?

And look where we are now.

Anika: That's so funny.

Liz: I think I was a weirdly sexist little kid, actually.

Anyway, thank you for listening to Antimatter Pod. You can find our show notes at antimatterpod.tumblr.com, including links to our social media and credits for our theme music.

You can also follow us on Twitter at @antimatterpod, and on Facebook, and every single episode I say I'm going to be better about sharing episodes on Facebook at every single support night I forget.

If you leave a review on Apple podcasts, or wherever you consume your podcasts, the more reviews the easier it is for new listeners to find us.

And join us in two weeks, when we will be discussing the classic TOS episode "City on the Edge of Forever".

[joyful-voyager]

DVD Commentary

@devoverest wrote:

"Grief," sections 5 ("They hauled me in for a physical today") through 8 ("But it's so hard to accept without proof.")

I've chosen that passage to stay within the stated 500-word limit, but if you want to commentate the whole story I surely would not object. Or, please feel free to pick a different passage from "Grief" if you want to. I just didn't want to pick the ending because spoilers, but it gives me chills every time I read it.

And here is my overwritten response!

Whoa. I need a time machine for this one! We're going back 21 years to the heady days of Voyager's second season, when the fandom was new and the fanfic newer, and Seven of Nine wasn't even a nasty little gleam in Brannon Braga's shifty little eye. Weirdly enough, though, there are about three stories that I can remember the exact circumstances that surrounded their creation. This happens to be one of them, and you'll find out why in a minute.

So. “Grief." This was part of a bigger project that was inspired by Sue Love's story “Period of Mourning." That one story spawned a ton of other fanfic, from straight-up knock offs to gut-wrenching counterpoints (see Michele Masterson's “Contrition“ if you can find it), to a multi-author project in which several people told this same story from a single character's point of view. Sue's style was first person by Tom Paris as a series of personal logs. Over the course of a few days, a bunch of other authors jumped in and “claimed“ a character and got to work in the same style.

Probably because I was young and arrogant and really naïve, I immediately claimed the one character whose point of view I had no business examining: Chakotay's. I was only 26 years old, after all, and I'd never experienced the kind of grief I imagined he would go through. Not even close. But like the idiot that I was, I thought I was good enough to write it anyway.

Sure. Right. At 26 years old, having never been in a long-term relationship, much less having lost a lover to death. Boy, was this a bad move. I knew it right away, too. Whenever I sat down to write, there was so much nothing in my brain it was horrifying. I was in way, way over my head.

Fortunately, at the time I was working in a small, independent bookshop. The weekend that I wrote “Grief,“ I had to work a Friday night shift that kept me in the shop until almost midnight. I am decidedly not a night owl, and the shop was rarely busy on Friday nights. Even worse, I was in charge of the Special Orders desk that night, which was way back in the hinterlands of the shop, between Foreign Language Dictionaries and Psychology. By about 7:00 I was bored and desperate to stay awake. I was rearranging Psychology just for something to do when I realized: “Hey, dumbass, you've got a whole shelf full of books on grieving right here. What kind of ex-librarian/ex-M.F.A. student/bookseller are you anyway? Research." So that's what I did. I grabbed a couple short little books on grief and went back to the desk and started reading. By the time the shop closed, I had a pocketful of handwritten notes on grief and the grieving process. When I got back to my apartment, I opened my notebook and wrote one line: “I am in someone's nightmare." And then I went to bed.

The entire story, virtually every single word of it, was in my head when I woke up. No lie. I think what happened was that all the research I'd done about grief and the grieving process matched itself up in my sleeping brain to things I'd heard family members say over the seven years prior to writing the story. See, when I was 19, a beloved cousin of mine was murdered by a drunk driver. She was 22. My family took it extremely hard. We are a large but close-knit bunch, and over the next months and years I spent a lot of time with that wing of the family – the deceased's parents and in particular her two brothers, who were 19 and 20 at the time. I remember my uncle chain-smoking and saying, “This feels like it's happening to someone else." I remember one of my cousins saying that he couldn't get warm even though it happened in the middle of an extra-sultry Indiana summer. I remember my sisters driving my aunt to the spot where it happened because she wanted to visualize what her daughter had seen at that moment. Most of all, I remember my 20-year-old cousin having to take charge of the situation because his parents were so leveled by grief that they couldn't function. He was the one who identified what was left of his sister's body, made all the phone calls, arranged the Mass and the interment, etc. I asked him how he managed all that. He said, “I didn't have a choice. I put my best suit on and I just did it. I did it for her. But it was the hardest thing I've ever done." And I also remember how, a couple years later, that same cousin started to get into all kinds of trouble for rage-related incidents that he later, with therapy, traced back to not grieving properly for his sister. Somehow, all of these memories just…hooked up in my head with the facts of grief – you know, denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance, etc. – and turned themselves into this story. All I had to do was transcribe it.

As for the techniques and tools part of it: The first person POV was a given, since that's how the project was working. I purposefully kept the early sections short and the language sort of staccato to show how Chakotay was still in the thick of his emotions even though he wasn't dealing with them. He was keeping a very tight rein on himself and even sort of fooling himself, and I wanted to show that in the beginning. The turning point, of course, is his collapse in front of B'Elanna. I imagine the walls really closing in on him at that moment. Weeks have passed, maybe months, and he has done what he thought he had to do: Perform for the crew, do what Kathryn would have done, and not show anyone how her loss was affecting him. When he shouts at B'Elanna, it's a moment of stepping outside of his self-protective shell just long enough to express an honest emotion. And even though it's anger he's expressing, the floodgates are then open. The rest of his suppressed feelings aren't far behind, and they soon come pouring out in his screams, and later his plaintive cries, for Kathryn. The language gets more lyrical then, more self aware and self reflective. He's gone as far down into his grief as he can go and he's slowly coming back to himself. When Kathryn does eventually return, I imagine that he's overjoyed, yes, but also very cognizant of his newfound strength. He can lose someone he loves deeply and still survive it and carry on. (This is part of the reason the reunion scene in The Eternal Tide drives me up a freaking tree, but that's a whole different and equally long-winded post for another time.)

One other technical note: Having the other characters move in and out of his peripheral vision was my way of hopefully making the reader aware that Chakotay's attempts to keep his grief hidden weren't working at all. Tom and B'Elanna and Harry and Kes and Tuvok? They know. They all know, which somehow makes Chakotay's self-delusion more painful. Or at least it was supposed to. Upon rereading the story just now, I'm not sure I fully succeeded at that, but overall I think the story still works.

Thanks for the ask! And sorry the answer is so long. I have nothing to do at work today, it's freezing in my office, and I'm bored out of my mind!

[voyagerafod]

Star Trek Voyager: A Fire of Devotion: Part 4 of 4: Hotter Than Hell: Chapter Ten

“A party?” Brian Sofin asked.     “Well, yes,” Neelix said. “I’ve been shirking my duties lately as morale officer, and things may seem normal, but I think you know as well as I do, Brian, that morale hasn’t recovered any in the past two months.”

    “Can you blame them?”     “Of course not,” Neelix said. “But I knew Commander Chakotay pretty well, and he would not want us to use his death as an excuse to stop living.”     “Neither would I, but... A party?”     “It’s the best way I know to boost moral for the majority of the crew,” Neelix said. “And it’s not like it’s completely random, I have a justification.”

    “Which is?”     “We’re a few days away from the the 315th anniversary of Vulcan-Human First Contact. Without that event, the Federation you know and love probably wouldn’t exist today.”     Sofin winced. “Right, I forgot this week was First Contact Day. My parents always liked to watch old recording of Zefram Cochrane speeches on FC day. I would watch with them when I could, unless I was on assignment, before, well…”

    “Exactly!” Neelix said. “I’ve already thrown one FC day party before; five years ago for the 310th. I think I even still have the decorations that Kes helped me make in storage.”     Brian looked like he was considering Neelix’s idea carefully. He smiled, and Neelix knew he had a helper to put this thing together for the crew. He knew from experience that nothing would be 100% exactly as it was before the Commander’s death, just as things changed to one degree or another after the loss of any crewmember, but at least the ship would start to feel like a home again.

---

    “Enter,” Joe Carey said, staring at his unfinished ship-in-a-bottle. The tiny Voyager inside only had one nacelle left to go. It had had only one nacelle left to go for months. Work on the project, despite it being his favorite hobby, came to a screeching halt when Commander Chakotay died.     “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” B’Elanna said as she entered Carey’s quarters.

    “No,” Carey said. “How can I help you?”

    “I’ll get straight to the point. You know I’m starting my maternity leave next week. The Doctor thinks I should start it sooner but, screw him. The point is, I need you to take over as chief engineer while I’m on bed rest, and for at least the first few weeks with Miral.”

    “Mir- Oh, I didn’t know you and Tom had picked a name,” Carey said.     “I said it in engineering the other day, Joe. Which you’d know if you’d shown up on time.”     “Sorry, about that,” Joe said. “I just-”     “I know why,” B’Elanna said. “I know what survivor’s guilt looks like, Joe. I let it slide for a good while, made everyone else keep quiet and not report it to the captain, but you’ve been slacking. Showing up late, doing the bare minimum…”     “Then why are you asking me to take charge?” Joe said.     “Vorik’s not ready for a leadership role, Mulcahey’s a floater between engineering and transporter control, and Gilmore hasn’t earned back all her clearances yet. That leaves you. I know you took it hard and that you blame yourself, but two months is too long. Especially when it’s not like we can just pop over to a Starbase or colony and give you extended shore leave.”     “Yeah, you’re right,” Joe said. “Fact is I’ve been feeling guilty about my survivor’s guilt. Don’t tell me how silly that sounds, I know. I’ve been thinking for awhile I need to just get back to work. I guess I just needed a kick in the pants to do it.”     B’Elanna smiled and gave Joe a friendly slap on the shoulder. “Well, that went easier than I expected. I was worried I’d have to shout at you.”     Joe laughed. “Better that than breaking my nose.”     B’Elanna shook her head. “Seven years later and you still won’t let that go huh?”     “Hey, I forgave you a long time ago, you know that. But forgiveness doesn't automatically mean I stop ribbing you about it.” Joe laughed. He was pretty sure it was the first time he’d laughed in awhile.     “There’s the Joe Carey I know and tolerate,” B’Elanna said with a wink. “Now get your ass to engineering so I can give my last set of orders to the team.”

---

    Captain Janeway sat in her chair as the current bridge shift started, coffee in hand. Tuvok, still looking like he felt out of place in command red, sat in the first officer’s chair, looking at his monitor. Sue Brooks was at the helm today. Harry was at ops, and Lieutenant Ayala at tactical. Seven of Nine and Samantha Wildman were on the bridge for this shift as well. All was normal, or at least the new normal.

    A beeping from the ops console broke Janeway’s train of thought.     “I’m picking up a signal from an emergency beacon. It’s degraded considerably, the beacon looks to be decades old, at least.”     “Can you decipher the signal?” Janeway said.     Harry tapped a few buttons, and Janeway saw his eyes go wide.     “I recognize this,” he said.     “Harry?”     “The signal. It’s a distress beacon, I can tell that much. Text, no audio, or at least none I’ve registered yet. References to a ‘generation ship,‘ I think. Captain, the message is in an old dialect of Talaxian.”     “Well, that’s certainly unexpected,” Samantha Wildman said from the main science station.     “To put it mildly,” Seven said.     “Shall I have Mister Neelix summoned to the bridge?” Commander Tuvok said.     “Absolutely,” Janeway said. “He’ll want to see this. And maybe have some idea how a Talaxian signal got out this far.”     “If Mister Kim’s translation is correct,” Seven said, “I believe the phrase ‘generation ship’ may be the answer.”     “I don’t recall him saying anything his people having sent out generation ships before,” Harry said, “but then again based on how old the sensor data tells us that beacon is it’s older than he is. It’s possible it just never occurred to him to mention it.”

---

    Neelix watched the viewscreen, pacing because he was too excited to sit down. Upon being informed of the situation he had to give it considerable thought, but a quick skim of his old ship’s historical database confirmed what he suspected; this was from a ship that his ancestors had launched in the early days of their exploration into space.     Its name was in a dialect that hadn’t been used on his homeworld since before he was born, but it’s name translated roughly as The Future. It had left Talax with 7 female and 5 male crew members, plus 1300 Talaxians from all walks of life in cryogenic sleep. His people had gone looking for it once they’d developed faster-than-light drives, and made contact with other species, but no sign of The Future had ever been found, and it was presumed lost. Neelix wondered how it had gotten this far out. Even back then, according to Seven of Nine, the Borg were active in the Delta Quadrant, along the most likely path the ship would’ve had to take to get from Talax to where the beacon had been found.     “Perhaps the Talaxians found a wormhole that we missed,” Harry said.     “Possible,” Seven said, “though the timeframe, based on our estimations of when the emergency beacon was deployed, would place the generation ship’s passage through Borg space at the height of our conflict with the El Aurians.”     “How long did that last?” Neelix said.     “Hundreds of years. Prior to Species 8472, the El Aurians proved the most difficult species to assimilate,” Seven said.     “I’d always wondered about that,” Janeway said, “but El Aurians in the Alpha Quadrant are notoriously reluctant to talk about it. I hope they got a few good kicks in before they went down.”     “While only a few hundred survived to make it to the Alpha Quadrant as refugees,” Seven said, “before the end they managed to destroy nearly a dozen cubes, more than half of them in the final year of the conflict.”     “I apologize for interrupting,” Harry Kim said, “but I finished the translation of the message. The translation program Neelix gave me was a big help.”     “So what happened?” Neelix asked.     “Apparently there was an engine failure caused by their main computer. Apparently it was a very crude A.I. and, for want of a better phrase, lost its mind.”     “I didn’t even know my people had ever tried to create artificial intelligences,” Neelix said, surprised.     “When did this happen?” Janeway asked.     “Only about fifty years ago, surprisingly,” Harry said. “The crew was able to get control back, but the computer shut down several dozen of the cryo pods, killing the occupants. The next paragraph is corrupted, I can’t tell what it says, but after that it says they sent the last of their probes out to find a suitable place to land.”     “A lot of habitable planets between here and Rinax,” Tom said. “Wonder why they didn’t pick any of those.”     Neelix shrugged. “Maybe they didn't want to settle any place that already had sentient life? That’s just a guess, don’t quote me.”     “We won’t know until we find any of the crew’s descendants,” Janeway said. “If this was only fifty years ago, there’s a good chance we may find some. Seven, do a full long range scan. See where the most likely place the Talaxians would’ve ended up and give the data to Tom. Mister Paris, once you have a location, plot a course.”     “Aye, Captain,” Tom said, while Seven simply nodded and manipulated the controls at her console.

---

    “There is definitely an M-class planet on the other side of that asteroid field,” Samantha Wildman said, looking at her console while both Neelix and Captain Janeway looked over her shoulder. “And I’m pretty sure I’m getting lifesigns from it, but something in the field itself is interfering with the sensors.”     “It is awfully dense,” Neelix said. “I don’t think I’ve seen an asteroid field that densely packed before.”     “I have,” Janeway said, “but it’s not common, no argument here.”     “I could dodge those rocks easily enough with Voyager,” Tom said, “but given that interference Sam’s talking about I’d rather not risk it.”

    “Captain,” Sam said, “now that we’re closer, I’m thinking this interference might not be naturally occurring.”     “Agreed,” Janeway said. “Which could mean the Talaxians set-up makeshift bases in the the larger asteroids. Or they could’ve settled that planet on the other side and are mining the asteroids. Either way, if there are survivors from The Future, we’ll find proof in that asteroid field. We’ll take Voyager around the field to go to the planet. A small team can take the Delta Flyer through the field itself. If nothing else, they can confirm if the interference is naturally occurring or not.”

    “Captain,” Neelix said, “I’d like to be on the Flyer team.”     “Why?” Captain Janeway asked.     “Call it a gut feeling,” Neelix said. “If I’ve learned anything travelling with you Captain, it’s that it’s a good idea to listen to one’s instincts.”

    As long as I don’t have to go, I’m happy, Samantha thought. Me, the Delta Flyer, and giant rocks? No thanks.

---

    The Delta Flyer entered the asteroid field, and Neelix marvelled at how close together all the rocks were while not appearing to collide with each other.     “I wonder if maybe someone put this here,” Neelix said to Lieutenant Ayala, who sat at the tactical console, while Tom Paris piloted the craft.     “Just because it’s rare for asteroid fields to be this dense,” Ayala said, “doesn’t mean it’s not naturally occurring.”     “Could be the debris from an exploded planet,” Tom said. “Last dense field like this I ever saw in the Alpha Quadrant had been a planet a thousand years before the Federation existed. Well, I only saw it in pictures taken by the Enterprise, but still.”     “Sounds interesting,” Neelix said. “What happened?”     “Well, there was this war between two ancient-”     “Mister Paris,” Ayala said, “I’m picking up lifesigns at bearing 108, mark 26. They appear to be Talaxians. Hundreds of them, inside three of the larger rocks.”     “Well, that answers one question,” Neelix said. “Can we hail them?”

    Ayala touched a button, and waited.     “No response. No sign they didn’t receive it, it looks like they’re ignoring us.”     “Maybe if we try greeting them in Tal-”     Neelix wasn’t able to finish his suggestion, as a loud noise, followed by the ship shuddering, cut him off.     “What was that?” he said.     “A thermalyte explosive,” Ayala said.     “How close was that?” Tom said.     “30.6 kilometers to port,” Ayala said. “If it was that close and shook us that little-”

    A much more severe shudder passed through the ship.     “That one was closer,” Ayala said. “Are these mines or did we accidentally stumble on the Talaxians blasting these rocks to get the raw materials?”     A third shudder.     “That one took out our shields,” Ayala said. “It threw the impulse drive out of alignment too.”     “Switching to thrusters,” Tom said.

    “The main Talaxian asteroid is close enough for us to make a landing,” Neelix said, looking at his own console.     “If they’re doing this on purpose that might be a bad idea,” Tom said. Before anyone could reply there was another explosion, and the Delta Flyer shook so violently everyone was thrown forward painfully into their consoles.     “Dammit, main propulsion is off-line,” Tom said. “I’m gonna have to put us down on that rock anyway before we crash into one without people who can help us fix the damage. Better get ready to do some fancy talking, Neelix.”     The Delta Flyer jerked forward. Neelix watched the main viewport as the asteroid, structures sticking out one side of it, got closer and closer; much too fast for his liking.

    “This landing’s gonna be a bit rough,” Tom said, “but if it’s any consolation, the Flyer’s been through worse.”

    Upon impact, Neelix was knocked out his chair. He winced as his head hit something, and everything went black.

---

    Neelix groaned as his eyes fluttered open. He heard before he saw the sound of a medical device, or at least what he hoped was a medical device, hovering centimeters above his head. When his vision cleared he saw a sight he hadn’t expected to ever see outside of old family photos or the holodeck.

    A Talaxian. A woman, who held the device, sitting on the edge of the bed Neelix was in.     “Stay still,” she said when neelix tried to sit up. “Don’t worry. It’s not serious.”     Her bedside manner is about as warm as The Doctor’s used to be, Neelix thought.

    “I’m inside the asteroid,” he said.

    “Yes,” the female Talaxian said.     “Where are my friends?” Neelix asked.     “If you mean the aliens who were on the ship with you,” the female Talaxian said, in a tone that suggested she wasn’t using the word alien in the nicest sense of the word, “they’re safe.”     Define safe.     “I’d like to see them,” Neelix said.

    “You need your rest,” the female Talaxian said, standing up quickly. “What were you doing in the asteroid field?” she asked as she placed the device on the table by the side of Neelix’s bed.     “Looking for you, actually,” Neelix said. “We found the old beacon.”     “Really? It still works after all this time?”     “Yes,” Neelix said. “Our ship, Voyager, came across it, so we came to look for any survivors.”

    “Well, here we are.”     “I see. My name’s Neelix, by the way.”     “Dexa,” the female Talaxian said. “It’s funny, I had an uncle named Neelix.”     “Really? I had no idea my name stretched back that far. Your generation ship left so long ago it took us awhile to translate the message on the beacon.”     Dexa looked puzzled. “Then how come I can understand you so plainly?”

    Neelix pointed to his comm badge, which had been left on him. “It’s called a universal translator.”     “Interesting,” Dexa said. “I’d like to know more about this translator, but first, I’m curious, are there any other Talaxians aboard your ship?”     “No, just me,” Neelix said.

    “Why are you living with aliens?” Dexa asked, her nose scrunched up as if she’d smelled something offensive.     “They’re my friends,” Neelix said. He’d considered telling Dexa the truth; that he just didn’t like what the bulk of his people had become in recent years, and that apart from a few good friends he largely did not miss his people at all. He realized though that if the other Talaxians on this and the other two asteroids were as xenophobic as Dexa appeared to be, that would probably be the worst thing to say. “We attempted to contact you from our shuttle,” he said instead. “Did you receive our hails?”     “Yes,” Dexa said.     “Why didn’t you respond?”     “We avoid contact with outsiders,” Dexa said.     “There were explosions,” Neelix said. “Did you-”     “No,” Dexa said. “Not deliberately, I mean. We were making holes in the surface of those particular rocks to start mining them for resources. They weren’t supposed to go off so soon though. Perhaps something from your shuttle triggered them early. My turn to ask a question now. Why were you and your.. Friends, carrying weapons?”     “Standard procedure for an away mission,” Neelix said. “On stun of course.”     “Stun? Non-lethal energy weapons? I didn’t even know such a thing was possible.”     “Oh, absolutely,” Neelix said. “We had weapons similar to phasers on Talax not too long after The Future left. We never got as good at mass producing them as Starfleet did though, so they fell out of favor after a while.”     “Starfleet?”     “Oh, the organization our ship belongs to. Our ship is called Voyager by the way. The shuttle that crashed is called the Delta Flyer.”     “Is Starfleet a military organization?”     Neelix thought about that for a moment. “Sort of, but not really. It’s like a hybrid of a military organization, a scientific one, and a diplomatic corp. There’s no real analog to it in Talaxian history, so that’s the best way I can explain it.”     Neelix thought he saw someone moving behind Dexa, so he shifted. He smiled when he saw a child, holding some kind of toy, peeking around the corner of the entrance into the room.     “Hi there,” Neelix said. “What’s your name?”

    Dexa looked confused, but then turned around when the child responded.     “Brax,” he said. “What’s yours?”     “I told you not to come in here,” Dexa said, bending down to look the child in the eyes as she took his hands.     “I wanted to see him,” Brax said.     “You’re supposed to be helping Oxilon,” Dexa said.     “He doesn’t look dangerous to me,” Brax said, an inquisitive look on his face not too dissimilar to the one Naomi Wildman would get when she was convinced that adults were not telling her the whole story about something.

    I guess some things are just universal, Neelix thought.

    “I think you might have the wrong idea about us,” Neelix said.     “I’m not supposed to be talking to you at all,” Dexa said.”   

    Neelix had a suspicion about the room he was in. He stood up. “I’m feeling better,” he said, which was mostly true. His head still hurt, but it was a dull pain. He’d been through much worse. This year, even. “I think I should go see my friends now.”     Dexa stepped back and touched something that was out of sight, and a force field visibly snapped into place.     Yep, I’m in a cell, Neelix thought. Not a terrible one though, I’ll give it that. The bed is comfy.     “I’ve been told not to let you leave,” Dexa said.     The look on her face was all too familiar to Neelix. He’d seen looks like that before, on those among his people who’d bought the propaganda about the Haakonians “hook, line and sinker,” as Tom would say.

    They’re repeating the same mistakes their descendants made back on Talax, he thought sadly. I suppose I should be grateful there isn’t an alien race nearby for them to launch an unprovoked war against.

---

    “Captain,” Harry said, “there’s a ship approaching from astern. We’re being hailed.”     “Good,” Janeway said. “Maybe we’ll get lucky and they can explain why we lost contact with the Flyer. On screen.”

    “Identify yourselves,” the captain of the other vessel said. He wasn’t Talaxian, that was for sure.

    “I’m Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager,” Janeway said.

    “Commander Nocona,” the other ship’s captain said, his tone immediately shifting to one more polite than the one he’d had when asking for identification.

    Perhaps in his culture it’s acceptable to be rude to people if you don’t know their names, she thought.     “I request to know why you sent a vessel into the asteroid field,” Nocona continued.     Janeway gave the thumbnail version of how Voyager had ended up here, and how they’d hoped to make contact with the Talaxians.     “Ah, I see,” Nocona said. “Perhaps your friend, this Neelix, can convince the Talaxians to move on.”     “Assuming he’s alive,” Janeway said. “We registered multiple explosions in the field and lost contact with our shuttle.”

    “Likely just mining charges,” Nocona said. “The Talaxians have never been violent. Smug and verbally abusive, but not violent. Your shuttle likely just got too close.”     “I take it you’ve had problems with them before,” Janeway said.     “Ever since they came to our world seeking shelter years ago,” Nocana said. “But for now, if you require our assistance, our ship is more heavily armored than yours. We have few weapons, this is a patrol ship, but if any charges go off we won’t be harmed.”     Janeway appreciated that the alien captain was being so direct with her. It was something she wished were more common in this quadrant.     “If I may ask, what exactly were the problems the Talaxians caused?”     “To be fair,” Nocona said, “it’s largely the younger generation, those born after their ship arrived, that are the issue; they settled in that asteroid field without permission and began mining resources that by rights belonged to us as the field is in our solar system. As it stands, we have no way to remove them without violence, and neither the government nor the public wants that.”

    Oh great, Janeway thought. We stumbled into a political mess. I’d hoped we wouldn’t have another one of those for a good long time.

---

    Neelix heard a noise, and turned to see Brax standing on the other side of the force field with a weapon that was clearly too big for him to be using. If it wasn’t a dangerous weapon, the site of him trying to look intimidating with it would be amusing.

    “I don’t think you’re supposed to be here,” Neelix said.     “This is my home,” Brax said. “You can’t tell me what to do.”     “No, I suppose I can’t,” Neelix said. “I just don’t want you to get in trouble.”

    Brax moved the object in his arms and Neelix realized he’d made an error. It was a not a weapon at all, the child had just been handling whatever it was like one.     “What’s that?” Neelix said.     “A model ship,” Brax said.     “Really? A Talaxian one?”     “You don’t recognize it?”     “Our people’s ships haven’t looked like that for a long time,” Neelix said, trying to get a better look at the model. “I think I saw something like that in a museum once though, on Rinax.”     “People live on Rinax now?” Brax said.     Neelix winced. “Well, they did, but something bad happened. It’s complicated, and sad to say it was kind of our own fault. Maybe I can explain it to you later.”     “I overheard you tell my mother your ship was named Voyager,” Brax said. “Is it big?”     “Not as big as the ship your ancestors came to this asteroid field on, but she’s a decent sized ship,” Neelix said. “But she is fast. Nothing faster than her within a hundred light years, I bet.”     There was a clanging noise, and Brax gasped. “That’s my mother.”     “Well you better hide then,” Neelix said.     “You won’t tell her I’m here?”     “No, of course not,” Neelix said. Brax ran off. Another clanging noise followed by footsteps drew Neelix’s attention to his right, and he saw Dexa walk in with a male Talaxian, who had to duck slightly to get through the door. Neelix was pretty sure he’d never seen a Talaxian that tall before, and figured that it must’ve had something to do with having been born in lower gravity environments.

    “Neelix,” Dexa said, “this is Oxilon, our Council Regent.”

    “I wish I could say it was nice to meet you,” Neelix said, “but this isn’t exactly the welcome I was expecting.”     “You’re free to go now,” Oxilon said, touching a button. The force field dropped and Neelix walked forward. He looked at Oxilon, expecting him to say something else, but he gave no indication he planned to.     “What about my friends?” Neelix said.     “We’ve determined they’re not hostile,” Oxilon said. “They’ve been treated for their injuries and asked to leave.”     “They’re aboard your shuttle, making repairs,” Dexa said. “I’ll take you to them.”     “Well,” Neelix said, “now that everything’s been cleared up, maybe we could talk? Get to know each other a little?”     “If you’d like,” Oxilon said, though he sounded to Neelix like he was just humoring him.     Probably figures the faster he gets me to talk the faster he can get me to leave, Neelix thought.

    “My friends too?”     “No,” Oxilon said.     “May I ask why not?”     “We’ve learned to keep to ourselves,” Oxilon said.     “Oh. Well, if they’re not welcome, I’m not staying either,” Neelix said. “I had just hoped…”

    “Hoped what?” Oxilon said.     “This may be my last chance to speak to any Talaxians before Voyager reaches the Alpha Quadrant,” Neelix said. “That’s where my friends are from. Long story. I may not have left Talaxian space under the best of terms, but-”     “Were you a criminal?” Dexa said. Oxilon glared at her, and she sheepishly looked at the floor.     “No,” Neelix said. “Well, my government certainly thinks I am, but I’d be lying if I said I cared.”     Oxilon looked confused at that comment.     “I’m going to go see my friends,” Neelix said, choosing not to elaborate. He felt put off in Oxilon’s presence, like the man only tolerated being the same room as him because they were both Talaxians. Neelix knew that kind of attitude all too well; had seen it in his own home in the run-up to the war with the Haakonians. He’d heard it in Dexa’s voice earlier that day, but had hoped that she was an outlier.     “Escort him,” Oxilon said to Dexa, then unceremoniously turned and left.     “I apologize,” Dexa said once the door closed. “I know he seems overly cautious, but we’re not used to having visitors. Brax is young enough to have never seen a non-Talaxian before.”     “I was curious about that,” Neelix said. “Our ship picked up what looked like, at least from where we were, a perfectly livable M-Class planet on the opposite side of the field from us.”     “That’s the homeworld of the Badoon,” Dexa said with a hint of contempt in her voice.

    “Did they mistreat you?” Neelix said.     “Not directly, no,” Dexa said. “It was more subtle than that. But I’d rather not talk about them right now.”

    “How many of you live here?” Neelix asked.     “Close to 500 here,” Dexa said, “about a hundred each on the other two asteroids.” She sighed. “And there are a dozen or so who chose to stay with the Badoon, but we don’t talk of them much.”

    “From a ship that had 1300 people in stasis?” Neelix said. “The beacon said some of them were killed when the generation ship’s computer went bad, but-”     “Few of the survivors had children,” Dexa said. “Procreation has been placed on hold until we can hollow out another asteroid. None of the children you see running around were actually conceived here, though a few were born here.”

    “It must’ve taken years to build all of this,” Neelix said.

    “Almost five,” Dexa said, pride in her voice. “We had to completely scrap The Future, and, well, borrow some Badoon tools to get it done, but we did it. Mostly. There are some places that aren’t at a hundred percent yet. If you look over there you can see our medical bay. My husband designed that.”

    “I’d like to meet him,” Neelix said.     Dexas sighed. “He’s dead.”     “Oh,” Neelix said. “I’m sorry. I… I suffered a loss recently myself, though yours is certainly-”     “I’m not… I don’t feel like talking about it, right now. Your friends are just this way,” Dexa said, leading Neelix down a neatly excavated cave.     Neelix saw the Delta Flyer. It looked pretty scraped up on the outside, but he imagined that Tom was going to save fixing the non-essential parts until they returned to Voyager. The priority would be engines and life support.     He stepped inside.     “Neelix,” Tom said. “Good to see you. They told me you were okay but wouldn't let us check in on you.”     “Yeah, they seem to be really shy about aliens around here,” Neelix said. “Dexa, this is Tom Paris. And this is Ayala.”     “Given name or surname?” Dexa asked.

    “I don’t really talk about that,” Ayala said.     Dexa looked confused for a moment but shrugged it off.     “Okay then,” she said. “It was nice to meet you.” She turned and exited the ship before anyone could reply.     “Guess that was as much politeness as she could muster for the day,” Tom said,.     “So, what can I do to help?” Neelix said.     “Well, you can help me with this plasma manifold,” Tom said. “How’d it go by the way?”     “I didn’t exactly get a welcoming committee,” Neelix said. “I was in a cell for most of the time I was recovering. I get the feeling their leader doesn’t like me very much.”     “You sound disappointed,” Ayala said.     “Yeah,” Neelix admitted. “I guess my expectations were a little high. I’d just assumed that since they were the descendants of people who left Talax before our society went bad they’d be more open minded. A shame really. This could be the last time I ever see another Talaxian, and they remind me so much of why I was so willing to leave them behind and travel with you in the first place.”     “We’ll probably be another night,” Tom said. “I’m sure you can meet a few more before we go. Here’s your phaser back by the way.”     “Thanks,” Neelix said. “And maybe you’re right. Maybe I’ll meet a Talaxian who’s not as stiff and xenophobic as Oxilon. That would be a nice way to remember my people.”     After another hour of work, the lights inside the Flyer flickered back to life, and the consoles were active again.     “There we go,” Tom said. “Now we just need to run a systems-”     “Intruder alert,” the computer said.     “Well, at least we know internal sensors are working,” Tom said, as Ayala pulled out his phaser and moved towards the rear compartment. Neelix followed him, hand near his own phaser.

    The lights in the rear compartment were still out, so the two of them descended the steps slowly. Neelix took out his tricorder with his other hand and did a quick scan.     He chuckled when he saw the lifesigns he were picking up from behind a panel were Talaxian.     “I think I can guess who this is,” he said. “You can come out, Brax.”

    The child climbed out of his hiding place, and touched a button on a panel that turned the lights back on. Ayala lowered his phaser.     “Friend of yours?” he said.     “Dexa’s son,” Neelix said.     “You said you’d take me to see Voyager,” Brax said.     “I said no such thing,” Neelix said. “I told you she was a good ship, not that I’d bring you aboard. Besides, your mother wouldn’t approve. Now come on, I’ll walk you home.”

    Brax didn’t argue, something Neelix was grateful for. He realized that child rearing was not really something he had that much experience in. He’d been spoiled in a sense, the only children he’d really been around as an adult were Naomi, who matured rapidly as a result of her mixed parentage, and Icheb, who had matured rapidly as a result of the Borg. He was ill equipped to deal with a tantrum if it were to come to that.     “Okay,” Brax said.     “I’ll be right back,” Neelix said to Ayala. The two walked back the way Dexa had brought Neelix before. Before he could reach Dexa’s home, however, he saw Oxilon arguing with an alien he didn’t recognize.     “They’re free to leave once their ship is repaired,” Oxilon said.     “I’d like to confirm that for myself,” the alien said. “I’m sure it is what their captain, Janeway, would do if she were here. Assuming you didn’t try to blow up her ship with mining charges of course.”     “How dare-”     “Excuse me,” Neelix said, waving. “Hi. I’m Neelix, the Talaxian member of Janeway’s crew. You’ve spoken with Voyager?”

    The alien nodded. “Commander Nocona,” he said. “You must be Neelix. Are the other members of your team harmed?”     “You know this… thug?” Oxilon said.     “Calm down,” Neelix said. “Commander, may I ask why no one from my crew is here?”     “Our ship is better shielded against explosions from mining charges,” Nocana said. “And with good reason,” he added, glaring at Oxilon. “Captain Janeway agreed to let us come for you.”     “Right,” Oxilon said dismissively, “and I’m sure intimidating us with how thick your ship’s armor is had nothing to do with it. You’re trying to scare us into giving up the asteroids again.”     Nocona groaned.     “Believe what you want, Oxilon. My people own the rights to these minerals, and we will get them back. Without violence. You’ll see.”     “Well, Commander,” Neelix said, “our shuttle is almost repaired. We’ll be able to leave on our own in a few hours. Our communications array is still damaged, so perhaps you could tell Captain Janeway-”     “Yes, do so. Once you leave,” Oxilon said, sounding like he was trying to make a threat.     “Very well,” Nocona said. “Good day to you, Mister Neelix.”     “Thank you,” Neelix said.     Once Nocona was gone, Neelix was about to tell Brax to head on home when Oxilon rushed him with unexpected speed and shoved him against a wall.     “Why did that Badoon know who you were?!”

    “You heard him,” Neelix said. “He spoke to my captain.”     “You expect me to believe that?” Oxilon said.     Neelix saw a crowd gathering. Some smiled, as if silently cheering on Oxilon or maybe hoping for a fight. Other just shook their heads, like disappointed parents.     “Yes, because it’s true,” Neelix said, finally shoving back. “He’s a Badoon then? Seems nice enough. Why do you really have a problem with them? I get the feeling there’s more going on than asteroid mining rights.”     “Get out,” Oxilon said. “Get back to your ship and leave us alone.”     “I know that look,” Neelix shouted at Oxilon’s back as he walked away. “It’s the look our leaders on Talax had on their faces when they argued for a war based on lies. Now, I don’t know what’s going on with you and the Badoon, but if I look into it, who’s really going to be the bad guys here?”     “Go home,” Oxilon said. “Go to your alien friends.” There were murmurs among the crowd as Oxilon walked away. Neelix got the feeling that most, but not all of the people here were completely on Oxilon’s side. He took a small amount of comfort in that.

---

    “I think I can see why they’re so suspicious of outsiders,” Tom said when Neelix told him what had just happened. “Did the kid make it home safe at least?”     “Yeah,” Neelix said, looking frustrated.     “It’s good to know the Badoon were willing to help the Captain,” Ayala said, “but we don’t have the full context for what’s been going on between them and the Talaxians here.”     “I think we do, at least a little,” Neelix said.     Tom was about to ask what Neelix meant, but the latter continued as if anticipating that question.     “Oxilon never actually denied what Nocona said was true. I think that except for a few stragglers, the survivors from the generation ship and their children and grandchildren settled these asteroid without permission from the race that holds the mining rights to them. It would be like if someone just walked into your quarters, set up a tent, and threatened you if you tried to kick them out.”     “Plausible, sure,” Tom said, “but there’s decades worth of context we don’t have, like Ayala said.”

    Neelix sighed.     “Yeah, you’re right,” he said.     Tom put a hand on Neelix’s shoulder. “I’m sorry this trip didn’t turn out like you hoped, Neelix. I really am.”     “Thanks, Tom,” Neelix said.

    Tom was about to say it was time to go, when a noise from his console alerted him to someone standing just outside the entrance to the Delta Flyer. He checked his monitor, and saw Dexa, and a young boy, presumably Brax.     “Looks like you’ve got visitors, Neelix,” Tom said. Neelix came over and looked at the monitor. He shrugged.     “Go ahead and let them in,” he said.     “No problem,” Tom said, pushing a button to open the door remotely.     When the two Talaxians made their way to the cockpit, Neelix asked them why they were there.     “Brax told me about what happened,” Dexa said, “and I thought you deserved to hear our side of the story. Oxilon, he, can let his anger cloud his judgement sometimes, even though he’s been a good leader for us overall.”     “Okay,” Neelix said. “I’m willing to listen.”

    “Actually,” Dexa said, “I’d like to talk to your Captain, if I could. If your ship is as powerful as I imagine it based on what I’ve gleamed from scanning your shuttle-”

    “Wait, you were scanning us?” Tom said.     “Of course,” Dexa said. “Security precaution.”     “It’s what I would do,” Ayala said.     “My point is,” Dexa continued, “if your Captain is going to be working with the Badoon in any capacity, she deserves to know the truth.”     Neelix didn’t seem to like the idea very much, but rather than say no himself he turned to Tom.     Oh great, make the buck stop with me. Thanks, Neelix, he thought. Minus sarcasm he said aloud, “Well, okay, but I don’t think there’s going to be much need. I’m pretty sure that once she knows her team and the Flyer are okay we’ll just be moving on.”     “Or maybe, once she hears about what we’ve gone through, she’ll be willing to help us.”     I doubt that, Tom thought.     “Okay,” Tom said, “but I won’t promise anything more than asking her to speak with you.”

---

    Captain Janeway looked up when Neelix and the Talaxian woman named Dexa walked into her ready room.     “Hello, Dexa,” Janeway said, standing up and offering her hand. “Neelix told me you’d be coming. Where’s your son?”     “He’s playing with… what was her name?” Dexa said.     “Naomi Wildman,” Neelix said. “With Samantha and Seven’s permission of course.”     “So strange,” Dexa said, “to see a cyborg so well adjusted. Granted, we never had any real cyborgs on Talax, only ones in stories, but they were always cautionary tales. This Seven of Nine though seems like a perfectly normal humanoid.”     “There still aren’t any cyborgs on Talax,” Neelix said, “but that’s mainly because we don’t really have that level of technology yet.”     “Neelix says you have something you wanted to discuss with me about the Badoon?” Janeway said. Of course, this was all a polite formality. Neelix had warned her ahead of time that he had concerns that the Talaxians in the asteroid field were unnecessarily mistrusting of the Badoon.

    Dexa went on to explain in great detail about what had happened to The Future, though Janeway already knew some of that from the beacon.     “When the Badoon found our ship, they brought us here, to their world. They set aside some farmland for us, but wouldn’t interact with us for years. I was born under what they called ‘quarantine.’ But it was just an excuse, they didn’t want outsiders mixing with their people.”     “But,” Neelix said, “you told me that a few Talaxians still live on the Badoon homeworld. Are they still in quarantine?”     “Well, no…”     “Dexa,” Neelix continued, Janeway deciding it best not to interrupt. “You weren’t born yet. Is it at all possible that it really was a quarantine? I mean, there are procedures for first contact with new species aboard this ship too.”     Dexa looked hurt that Neelix would think that.     “My husband died on one of those farms,” she said.

    “Did the Badoon kill him?” Janeway said.     “No,” Dexa said reflexively. Then paused. “I mean… it is their fault but…”     “Do you really think that,” Neelix said, taking Dexa’s hand in his, “or is that Oxilon talking?”     “Please,” Janeway said, “Dexa, tell the rest of your story.”     Dexa nodded. “It wasn’t long before we realized there wasn’t enough land to feed all of us, especially once babies started being born. Our leader at the time, Oxilon’s uncle, told us we would just have to conserve resources.”

    “That doesn’t sound very unreasonable,” Janeway said. “Was any attempt made to negotiate with the Badoon for more land?”     Dexa looked down.     “In the past, whenever children asked me about our time there I’d say no, but what Neelix just said… I don’t know, truly. Many have said that we tried and failed, but some of the elders claim that we tried to take land from poorer Badoon citizens. I never believed it before, but why does it seem so plausible to me now?”     “I imagine meeting Neelix had something to do with it,” Janeway said. “He’s giving you a perspective you’d never considered before. Back on Earth we have a saying. ‘A fresh pair of eyes.’ It doesn’t literally mean replacing your eyes of course, it means that sometimes getting input from someone who hasn’t been directly involved with a thing long enough to form a bias can be very valuable.”     Dexa nodded.     “Tell me more,” Neelix said, “about what happened to your husband.”     “He didn’t like being told what to do by Badoon authorities, so he started farming outside the restricted zone. The owner of the land killed him.”     “What happened to the landowner?” Dexa wiped a tear away from her eye.     “He was arrested,” she said. “Oxilon liked to tell me that they only did it to save face, but now I wonder if that’s true. The Badoon imprisoned him on grounds of unnecessary use of lethal force. I remember now, they told me that the landowner killed my husband after only one warning, and there was no sign my husband had used violence. I never thought to find out but…” Dexa stopped for a moment and looked up at the ceiling, “Yes, I think it’s possible he’s still in prison.”

Neelix put a hand on Dexa’s shoulder. Janeway stood up and walked around to do the same on the other shoulder.     “Oxilon is going to get you killed,” Neelix said. “I’ve seen this happen before.”     “What do you mean?” Dexa said.     “Years ago, when I was a young man, the Talaxian people launched a war against a people called the Haakonians. They’d done nothing to us, but the government spent months convincing the people they were an imminent threat. A few people like me saw through the lies though, and fled the system before we could be drafted to fight. Our people were ruthless. Killed civilians without any concern or remorse. Eventually, as an act of desperation, the Haakonians used a weapon of mass destruction on our colony on Rinax. The moon had been terraformed nearly a century after The Future left, but our colony there is gone now. Including my family.”     “And you aren’t angry at the Haakonians?”     “I was, for a little while,” Neelix admitted, “but in the end, that weapon would never have even been built let alone used if our aggression hadn’t driven them to it.”     “And you see that kind of aggression in Oxilon,” Dexa said. It wasn’t a question.     “I do,” Neelix said.     Dexa cried, and Janeway felt for her. She had no idea what it felt like to grow up surrounded by xenophobia your whole life, but she had some experience with being lied to so she could empathize at least. She looked at Neelix.     “So, what now?”

“I don’t know, Captain,” Neelix said. “I’m really worried, like I said. But at the same time, what can I do? Oxilon seems so dead set on hating the Badoon for perceived injustices there’s no way we could get him to come to a negotiating table.”     “We can talk to him together,” Dexa said. “He listens to me, sometimes. He helped take care of me and Brax when we came to the asteroid.”

Neelix looked at Janeway.     “It’s worth a shot,” she said. She watched as Neelix and Dexa left her ready room together, and sighed. She wasn’t completely sure, but she had a nagging feeling that when Voyager left this region of space, they would be leaving without Neelix. And the possibility filled her with so many mixed emotions, she decided to forego her afternoon coffee and asked the replicator to give her tea instead.

---

    “This is what Talaxian ships look like these days?” Dexa said as she and Brax climbed into Neelix’s ship.     “On, no,” Neelix said. “This one’s older and smaller than most. Still, we’ve been through alot together. Some of those superficial scratches on the hull you might’ve seen on the way in? Some of those the old crate got without even having to leave Voyager’s shuttlebay.”     Neelix continued his pre-flight check, glad he’d taken Tom’s advice to keep in practice despite the fact he rarely left Voyager with it, especially since they left the sector of the Delta Quadrant he’d known the best a mere three years into their journey.     “Why are we taking your ship to the asteroid?” Dexa asked.     “Lieutenant Ayala and Commander Tuvok convinced me that a ship with a Talaxian signature would be less likely to get mining charges blown up in it’s face. Deliberately anyway. Plus, Voyager’s too far away to use transporters if I need to leave in a hurry.”     “You think Oxilon will try to hurt you?” Brax said.     “It’s possible,” Neelix said. “Though I hope it won’t come to that.”

    “Shuttle control to Neelix, you’re cleared for launch,” Harry Kim’s voice said over the ship’s comm.     “We’re just about ready, Harry,” Neelix said.     “Good luck,” Harry said.     “Thanks,” Neelix said. I’ll need it, he thought. He strapped in after helping Brax and Dexa do the same. The inertial dampeners were in excellent shape of course, but if there were any shockwaves or some other cause to do evasive maneuvers, best not to risk the child getting thrown around into walls.

    The trip to the main asteroid was less dramatic than the Delta Flyer’s had been, much to Neelix’s relief, but it had taken informing the Talaxian that Oxilon had left in charge of communications that he was returning two of his people to convince him to allow a landing.     When the three stepped off the ship, Oxilon and two armed men waited for them.     “I was ready to fear the worst,” Oxilon said. “That you had kidnapped them. I am relieved to see I was wrong. Thank you for bringing them home. You can go now, Neelix.”     “Not yet,” Neelix said. “You and I need to have a conversation about your situation here in the asteroid field and the Badoon mining rights.”     “What is there to say about it?” Oxilon said. “They had no people and only a smattering of probes to take samples here. It was open territory based on every space law I know of.”     “I believe a peaceful solution can be found,” Neelix said, “but it needs to happen now, before you antagonize them too much. There’s no popular support on Badoon for just forcing you out right now, but I doubt that’ll hold forever.”     “We’ll be more than ready to defend ourselves,” Oxilon said. “We’ve got mining charges on rocks with low ore count, we can use them to force back any potential invasion.”     “You can’t be serious,” Dexa said. “If we damage or worse destroy their ships, they’ll bring a whole fleet to bear on us. Neelix was right, your ways are going to get us killed.”     “Have the aliens been poisoning your mind, Dexa?” Oxilon said.     “No, that would be you,” Dexa said. “Filling it with hate. The Badoon aren’t perfect, they’ve done things they shouldn’t, and I will never forgive the one who murdered my husband but we can’t keep living like this. We can co-exist with them if we make a real effort.”     “Nonsense,” Oxilon said. “They’re aliens. It’s what aliens always do in the end.”

    “How would you know?” Neelix said. “How many other species besides the Badoon had you met before the Delta Flyer crashed here?”     Oxilon was moved to silence by that.     The guards looked even more furtive, one even lowering his weapon as he appeared to contemplate what was being said.     “The Badoon have traded with other worlds before,” Oxilon said. “My uncle told me he’d sometimes see other aliens at the spaceports on Badoon. And he said they always looked at Talaxians like we were less than them.”     “Maybe that’s just how he interpreted it,” Neelix said. “There’s a race in the Federation, the government that Voyager belongs to, called the Bolians. In their language, the word Frederick is a vulgarity. Among the most offensive words a native Bolian speaker could use. But to humans, the word Frederick is an uncommon but not rare name given to boys upon their birth. And yet, despite this, the humans and Bolians have gotten along for over a century. In fact, Bolians are one of the most common races to be found on Federation ships, apart from Humans, Vulcans, and Betazoids. How could your uncle, who had so little experience with aliens, automatically know what their facial expressions would mean, especially after only a few encounters?”     At some point during the conversation, a crowd had gathered. Quietly enough that Neelix had actually failed to notice while he was maintaining eye contact with Oxilon.

    “Tell them about Rinax,” Dexa said.     “Rinax?” Brax said.     “It was one of our moons,” Dexa told Brax. “back from the system our ancestors came from before they ended up here.”     “What’s this about Rinax? What is she talking about?” Oxilon said.     Neelix told Oxilon, and the whole crowd, everything, including details he’d not shared with Dexa aboard Voyager. Some of the crowd looked shocked and horrified, though if it was at the war, or Neelix’s refusal to fight he couldn’t be certain. The angry ones though, them he was pretty sure resented Neelix for refusing to fight.     “That won’t happen here,” Oxilon said. “If the Badoon just let us keep this asteroid field, there need not be any bloodshed.”     Some of the gathered crowd shouted at him.     “You had us set up mines!” one Talaxian yelled.     “You’ve been telling us the Badoon are savages for years but we’ve never seen them actually do anything!” another shouted.     Some other Talaxians began shouting back at the shouters, defending Oxilon, but as best Neelix could tell from the din they were the minority.     Oxilon was losing the crowd, Neelix could tell. He dared not push his luck though.     I didn’t think it would be this easy, Neelix thought. I can’t afford to tempt fate.     “Get off my asteroid!” Oxilon shouted at him, taking a gun from one of the guards standing next to him, causing gasps to ripple through the crowd.

“Leave him alone!” a Talaxian woman Neelix couldn't see yelled.     “Send him back to his alien friends!” a man shouted.     Brax tried to get in between Neelix and Oxilon, but Dexa grabbed him and struggled to hold him back. Neelix took a deep breath and walked forward.     He had not planned to say what he was about to say next, but the words came to him anyway. He hesitated to say them, knowing there was no walking back from it, and already feeling the guilt starting to well up at the thought of abandoning his crew of the past seven years, especially when they had not yet recovered from the loss of Commander Chakotay.     “No,” he said to Oxilon, quietly hoping that the angry Talaxian in front of him wouldn’t fire. “I’m staying. I’m staying, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure that what happened to Rinax doesn’t happen here.”

Oxilon snarled at him, so angry that he appeared to forget what kind of weapon he was holding and swung it at Neelix instead of trying to shoot him.

Neelix did not have the best rating with a hand phaser on Voyager, even after having done some training with Tuvok, but he was good enough to pull it out and fire it at Oxilon, stunning him.     “He’s not dead,” Neelix shouted, holding up this phaser. “This weapon has a stun setting. He’ll wake up shortly.” The guards who had been flanking Oxilon seemed unsure what to do. Dexa walked up to them. Neelix had to admit to himself he found her confidence in that moment inspiring, and even a little attractive.     “Take him to his room,” she said, pointing at Oxilon. “He is not under arrest, but don’t let him have a weapon. I think we can still convince him to see reason, and if he does that will only make him a better leader.” That last part was directed more at the crowd than the guards.     Eventually, the crowd cleared, leaving Neelix alone on the landing bay with Dexa and Brax.     “So,” Dexa said, “now what?”     “Now,” Neelix said, sadness in his voice, “I go and say goodbye to my friends.”

---

There were times when Captain Janeway hated being right, and as she finished her personal log entry about her mixed emotions regarding Neelix’s impending departure, this was one of those times. She’d seen this coming the moment Neelix told Dexa about Rinax and the Metreon Cascade, but a part of her had thought, or maybe hoped, that Neelix would stick around.     It was unsurprising that Naomi had, according to Samantha, been the one to take the news the hardest. She’d grown up with Neelix. He was her godfather after all, and up until the time when the little girl was mature enough to walk around the ship unsupervised and until Seven of Nine entered her life, she’d spent more time with him than anyone apart from her mother.

That didn’t mean that anyone was happy to see him leave, though.     She heard the chime noise, and said “Enter.”

She looked up, surprised to see Brian Sofin enter her ready room.     “Mister Sofin,” she said, “I wasn’t aware we had a meeting today.”     “We didn’t, Captain,” he said. “In fact we haven’t really spoken much beyond the odd ‘good morning’ since the last time I was on this deck, two years ago.”     “When I stripped you of you rank, yes, I remember,” Janeway said. “You’ve done a good job since then. I know I’ve failed to make that clear, but I’m really proud of how well all of you from the Equinox, even Angelo Tassoni, have integrated into this crew.”

“Thank you, Captain, but that’s not why I’m here,” Sofin said. “It’s about Neelix.”     Janeway nodded. “I’d heard the two of you had become good friends,” she said. “But if you want me to try and talk him out of leaving…”     “No, Captain,” Sofin said. “I mean, I’m requesting permission to stay as well.”     “I’m sorry, what?”     “He told me what the situation on those asteroids is like, Captain, and it seems to me that if this Oxilon has as many supporters as Neelix thinks he does, and if they’re angry enough…”     “You want to be Neelix’s bodyguard,” Janeway said, deducing where the young man was going with this. “I appreciate the thought, but what about your family in the Alpha Quadrant?”     Sofin looked down, the most ashamed he’d looked since after the Equinox had been destroyed.     “I can’t face them, Captain,” Sofin said. “With what I did, what I was party too. My parents are pacifists to the core. They didn’t even fight the Dominion. Not that they oppose self-defense mind you, just, well, I mean Mom’s a fifth generation member of the diplomatic corp. Her great-grandfather was the first Federation ambassador to set foot on the Gorn homeworld. And Dad, Dad’s a xenobiologist. He studied creatures like the ones we killed for fuel.”

“You think they won’t forgive you?”     “They already did,” Sofin said. “I got letters from them through the Midas array. They say they understand I was in a difficult situation, and that I never actually killed one of the Ankari Spirit of Good Fortune directly but…”     Janeway was tempted to just reject the request outright, but looking at the man standing at attention before her, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Mostly because she realized she couldn’t think of a good reason to.     “What do you want me to tell your parents?” she said.     “Tell them that I’m staying behind to help protect a friend,” Sofin said. “And that I hope one day that I can reach a point where I can forgive myself for letting them down by agreeing to help Captain Ransom kill those creatures. Tell them that I’m looking for a second chance to be someone that Paul and Elisa Sofin can be proud to call their son.”     Janeway smiled a sad smile.     “I think you already are, Brian,” she said. “The ceremony for Neelix’s departure is at 1300 hours tomorrow. It’ll be in the shuttlebay, by Neelix’s ship.”     “Thank you, Captain,” Brian Sofin said, smiling as he left.     Janeway sighed.     “Shit, might as well update the log entry.”

---

    Seven of Nine, holding one of Naomi’s hands while Samantha held the other, thought back on some of her experiences with Neelix. She found that, even when she thought about some of the more annoying ones, like him trying to get her to try foods she wasn’t interested in, or his early attempts to convince her to go by her birth name, she was still going to miss him. Sam and Naomi seemed to be using all their strength to keep from crying. They’d known him longer than she had, so the reaction was not unexpected.

She looked at Icheb, who luckily seemed to be taking it better than most. He said he was going to miss hearing old Talaxian stories, but that he felt that what Neelix was doing was admirable enough to warrant celebration rather than sadness. Seven decided she’d explain it to him later.

    The door to the shuttle bay opened, and Captain Janeway gave the order to stand at attention. Everyone did, even Naomi and Icheb. Not every crew member could fit in the shuttlebay of course, but as many as could fit were here for the send off. Janeway and Brian Sofin, whose announced departure had been as shocking to the crew as Neelix’s, stood by Neelix’s old ship. Neelix walked in, looking at everyone, saying goodbye to each crew member, a Starfleet issue duffel bag over his shoulders. Seven realized that without any warning, she was ready to cry too, and had to choke back a sob when, after shaking Marla Gilmore’s hand and giving a Live Long and Prosper salute to Tuvok and Vorik, he walked up to Seven, Sam, and the kids.     “Good luck, Neelix,” Sam said. Naomi grabbed Neelix in a big hug while Icheb shook his hand and offered him some tips on how to spot possible assassination attempts.     I’ll have to find out how he knows that, Seven thought.     “You know,” Neelix said, “I think the four of you are gonna be the ones I miss the most. It’s been a pleasure to watch you become a family.”

    “Thank you,” Seven said. “It has been a pleasure knowing you. Even the times when you could be… vexing, proved valuable to my learning how to be more human.”

    Sam, Naomi, and Neelix all laughed at that comment, and Seven smiled.     “Neelix,” Captain Janeway said. “Before you go, I have one last gift for you.” She motioned to Lieutenants Ayala and Anderson who lifted a crate and carried it onto Neelix’s ship.     “What is it?” Neelix said.     Seven stepped forward. “It is a small version of the technology that allows this ship two-way communication with Starfleet,” she said. “It is limited unfortunately. Much like our own communications prior to Project Watson, it’ll only be usable every 31 days. However, it will allow you to contact us as well. And if we make it to the Alpha Quadrant sooner than projected by any means, be it new technology, or wormhole, or some other phenomena, we’ll be able to let you know.”     “That’s amazing!” Neelix said. “Thank you so much, I don’t even know where to start with how much I appreciate this.”     Janeway stepped forward, and gave Neelix a hug. “Show your appreciation by saving this Talaxian colony from making the same mistakes your homeworld did. Show it by surviving. Show it by bringing the Talaxians and the Badoon together. That’s an order, Mister,” she added with a smile.     Neelix saluted the Captain. “I won’t let you down, Captain.”     Neelix turned around and looked at the gathered crew.     “Goodbye, my friends.”     He waved at everyone, and turned and climbed into his ship, Brian Sofin walking in with his own duffel bag on his shoulders. Ayala and Anderson exited and retook their places in the procession. Everyone stepped back as the ship’s engines powered up and began to move towards the open shuttle bay door. They all watched quietly as it passed through the force field out into the stars.     Seven leaned against Samantha, who kissed her on the the cheek.     “I’m sure he’ll be fine, Annie. They both will.”     “I agree,” Seven said.     “I’m surprised Jaffen wasn’t here,” Seven overheard Tom say.     “He didn’t know Neelix that well,” Janeway said, shrugging. “At least that was his excuse. I get the feeling he’s not a fan of farewell ceremonies. Which is fair. Plenty of people don’t like goodbyes.”     Seven tuned out the rest of the conversation and she and her family left the shuttlebay.     “Mom?” Naomi said.     “Yes, sweetie?” Sam said.     “Could you and Seven tuck me in and tell me a bedtime story tonight?”     “I thought you were too mature for those now,” Sam said, repeating words that Naomi had used over a year ago back to her.     “I know, but…” Naomi didn't finish the sentence, looking embarrassed. Sam hugged her, and looked at Seven. “Neelix used to do that for her almost every night when she was real little, before you and I got together.”     “I see,” Seven said. “Well, in that case, I see no reason not to to do it tonight.” She looked at Icheb while Sam and Naomi headed towards their quarters. “Icheb, before we do any of that, we need to have a talk about how you know so much about assassination attempts.”     “Well, there’s this holonovel that Mister Paris invited me to play with him last week…”     Seven sighed. “Dare I hope this one was age appropriate?”     “Lieutenant Paris does still regret that previous incident,” Icheb said.

[voyagerafod]

Star Trek Voyager: A Fire of Devotion: Part 2 of 4: Louder Than Bells: Chapter Four

Chapter Four:

    After a month of not being allowed to take the Delta Flyer out for a spin, the now Ensign Tom Paris had been happy when he finally got the chance again, going on a mission with Tuvok and Samantha Wildman. A few days in however, he suddenly found himself missing the safety of his cell in the brig.

    “We’ve got another ion storm coming in,” he said, checking his sensors. “Great. We still haven’t gotten ourselves patched up from the last one. No way we’re making it back to Voyager today.”

    “I am never leaving the ship again,” Samantha said. “I get stranded by the Kazon, Naomi gets sick, dipshit weapons dealer nearly blows Seven’s hand off; every time I step off Voyager something bad happens.”

    “That is not wholly accurate,” Tuvok said. “I can recall with little effort at least two occasions where you were off Voyager, and nothing that could be described as negative occurred.”     “Yeah, two,” Samantha said. “That doesn’t disprove my point. Leaving that ship is just bad luck.”     “To be fair Sam,” Paris said, “it’s not like every day on Voyager herself is sunshine and bunnies.” He checked his console one more time to make sure the Flyer was stationary as trying to move during an ion storm only made it more dangerous. “We’ve got several minutes before it hits, better contact Naomi, let her know you’ll be delayed so she won’t worry.”

---

    Naomi Wildman beamed with pride as she left the holodeck, having quickly and triumphantly solved the problem presented her in the current Flotter chapter on the holodeck she was on, and she was looking forward to sharing her accomplishments with her mom. She wasn’t going to have to wait too long though, because the reason she’d left the holodeck when she did was because Neelix had called to let her know that her mother was contacting from the Delta Flyer, and that Neelix had set up a visual communications link in her quarters.

    Once she got there, Neelix simply stood back while Naomi sat at the table and looked at the screen. She’d asked where Seven of Nine was, but Neelix said that Seven was being kept busy on the bridge. Naomi thought it was kind of weird that her mom’s girlfriend wouldn’t be here, but figured maybe they’d talk later, and talk about the kind of grown up stuff she didn’t like being in the room for.     “Hi Mom,” she said.     “Hey sweetie,” Samantha replied. Naomi wasted no time in detailing how she’d helped the Flotter character make peace with a character named Trevis, even though deep down she knew that her mom probably knew these characters already since she’d also played in those holonovels as a kid.     “I can show you how I did it tomorrow when you get back,” Naomi said, finally finished. Her mother sighed as the static on the channel got worse.     “I’m sorry, Naomi, the away mission is taking longer than planned. It may be a few more days.”     “Days?” Naomi said, frowning.

    “‘Fraid so. But don’t worry, I’ll be bringing back some beautiful sillenite crystals for you and for Seven. Now I know what time it is there, so I want you to get ready for bed while I talk to Neelix, okay?”     “All right,” Naomi said, sadly, getting up to do as her mother told her. ---

    Neelix could tell even through the static that Samantha Wildman was putting on a brave face. As soon as Naomi went to her room to change, Neelix sat down.     “Samantha?” he said. “What’s wrong?”     “We got hit by an ion storm,” she said. “We took a beating, but I imagine it would be worse if we were in a regular shuttle.”     “How bad?”     “We’re trying to make repairs, but there’s another storm on the way.” The static got worse. Neelix saw Samantha look down. It was probably just as bad on her end too. “I need to go. Say goodnight to Naomi for me.”     “Of course,” Neelix said. “Do you want me to say anything to Seven of Nine as well, or-”     “I’m sure the Captain’s already briefed her on the situation. But thanks. The signal’s getting worse, I have to go.”     The screen went black. Neelix sighed. For a moment he considered telling Naomi the truth about why her mother was delayed, but decided against it. Samantha hadn’t said anything, probably not wanting Naomi to worry unnecessarily.     I won’t tell her yet, he thought. I just need to figure out when. Or maybe I’ll get lucky and Samantha, Tom, and Tuvok will all be home before it even becomes an issue.

-o-

    Neelix, along with the rest of the senior staff still on-board listened quietly in the briefing room as the static-marred mayday message from Tuvok played for them, the sound cutting out just after his voice told them that they were looking for an emergency landing site for the Delta Flyer.     “That was the last transmission we got from them,” Chakotay said. “We haven’t heard anything since. We’ve tried hailing them but they aren’t responding.”     “If they’re looking for a place to land,” the Doctor said, “it must be pretty bad.”     “Exactly what I was thinking,” B’Elanna said. “Can we pick them up on long range sensors?”

    “We lost their energy signature when the second ion storm hit,” Harry Kim said. “But we’ve triangulated the coordinates of the distress call. They’ve entered a planetary system about 0.6 light years from here. That’s the good news. The bad is that another ion storm blocking our path. It’s a level five.”     “Hmm,” Janeway said. “We’ve been through worse than a Level 5. And since Edwin’s shield reinforcements are still in place, we should be able to ride it out just fine. We’re not going to let a little bad weather get in the way of our rescue mission. Dismissed.”     “What should I tell Naomi?” Neelix said, speaking up for the first time since the briefing started. “Or should I tell her anything for that matter?”     Chakotay shrugged. “If you don’t feel comfortable handling that Neelix, perhaps I could help.”     “That won’t be necessary Commander,” Neelix said. “I know she needs to be told, and it probably should come from me. Except for her mother and maybe Seven of Nine, I’m closer to her than anyone. I’m just worried about how she’ll handle it.”     “Understandable,” Janeway said. “Look, just keep her occupied for awhile while we handle the rescue mission. If things go sideways, it’ll be my job to deliver the bad news.”     “This reminds me,” B’Elanna said. “Has anyone told Seven yet?”     “She’s aware of the Flyer’s damage from the first ion storm,” Harry said. “But us in this room are the only ones with the latest information. I’m sure she’ll handle it fine though. This is the woman who was able to save us all from a killer nebula, while in the middle of a nervous breakdown no less,” he added, referring to last year’s month-long period where all but Seven and the Doctor had to sleep in stasis tubes.     “This is different though,” Janeway said.     “How so?” Neelix said, wondering where the captain was going with this.     “It’s a matter of scale,” she said. “The larger the number of people in danger, the easier it is to detach and focus on the task at hand. There’s a huge difference between a hundred and twenty plus, and three. And when one of those three is someone you’re emotionally attached to…”     “I would remind you that my boyfriend is one of the people in danger,” B’Elanna said. “And I don’t see anyone worrying about me not being able to focus.”     “I’ve known you longer, I know I don’t need to,” Janeway said. “We’ve all gone through something like this before. But for Seven this is still new, she’s never had to perform with these kinds of stakes before.”

    “With all due respect Captain,” Harry said, “I think you’re selling her short. I’m confident Seven of Nine won’t let her connection to Sam cloud her judgement, and we’ll probably need her skills on this mission.”     “I agree,” Neelix said.     “Same here,” the Doctor said. Janeway shrugged.     “You’re probably right,” she said. “Harry, let her know the situation. Neelix, keep Naomi occupied, like I said. Everyone else, let’s start putting a rescue plan together.”

---

    Seven of Nine was slightly confused. When Janeway summoned her to the bridge and updated her on the Delta Flyer’s situation, Seven began to feel a sense of panic, not unlike the one she’d had weeks before when Edwin was allowing himself to die in sickbay. She couldn’t quite understand why though. The concern for Samantha, of course was natural, and she imagined that B’Elanna Torres felt much the same way about Tom Paris, whose life was also in danger aboard the Flyer. During her time on the ship however, the entire ship had been in danger more times than should have been statistically probable. By extension, Sam was in danger then too. Seven just could not discern what made this different.

    Maybe it’s because I helped design the shuttle, she found herself thinking as she went over schematics on a PADD that Harry had handed her. If I’d been more involved perhaps it wouldn’t be so badly damaged.     “Has Naomi been informed?” she asked Lieutenant Kim.     “Neelix is going to handle that,” Harry said. “but not just yet. I can’t blame him for being reluctant, no one wants to be the bearer of bad news.”     “Perhaps that is for the best,” Seven said. “I would offer to tell her myself, but as Sam as pointed out to me more than once I still require improvement in the, to use her words, ‘tact department.’”

    Harry chuckled at that. Seven had not intended the statement to be amusing, but she decided to keep that to herself.

    “I should probably steer clear of Naomi for the remainder of the operation,” she said. “If I see her she will likely ask me about the status of her mother, and much like Sam I do not like deceiving her.”     “You’ve had to lie to her before?” Harry said.     “Yes,” she said. Harry looked for a moment like he might ask for further details on that, but he didn’t, for which Seven was grateful as she would not have given him any. None of the falsehoods were large ones, it was simply a matter of there being things that Sam felt it was in Naomi’s best interest that she not know about until she was an adult. Seven was skeptical, but chose to defer to Samantha on the matter.

    What will I do if she doesn’t come back? she thought. She tried to push the intrusive thought aside, but it kept nagging at her quietly in the back of her mind, so she instead tried to focus harder on the information on her PADD, working to put together a rescue mission.

---

    As Tom Paris pushed the thrusters on the Delta Flyer to their limits, Samantha kept her focus on the console screen, trying to find somewhere, anywhere, to land the ship. With warp drive and even impulse engines off-line though, she knew they were only delaying the inevitable and that the ion storm was going to hit them.

    “And to think that being demoted and having to spend a month in the brig would end up not being the worst thing to happen to me this year,” she heard Paris mutter.     “The storm is throwing off my readings,” she said, “but there is definitely a big rock nearby, I just can’t find it.” The ship shuddered.     “The wave front is accelerating,” Tuvok said. “Less than two minutes to impact.”     “Great, so I’ve only got about thirty seconds to land this thing,” Tom said. “Samantha, I hate to rush you-”     “Got it,” she said, “Finally. I read a class-M atmosphere, and a benamite mantle.” She quickly transferred the distance and coordinates to Tom’s console.     “Benamite? I want to land this shuttle, not bury it,” he said as he turned the shuttle towards the planet which would hopefully protect them from more ion storms.     “Well, we could always just try to surf the ion storm,” Samantha snarked, her patience starting to waver as the shuddering got worse.     “We’ve entered the upper atmosphere,” Tuvok said a few seconds later. Samantha continued her scans.     “Nothing but impact craters and volcanoes,” she said, “this is not a good landing place.”     “The storm is closing,” Tuvok said. “Shields are already at maximum.”     “It’s gonna have to do,” Tom said. “So long as we don’t land in a volcano we should be fine.”     “Starboard thrusters are down,” Tuvok said.     “Damn,” Tom said. “This is just not my day.”     “We’re going in too fast,” Samantha said, finally starting to panic.     “Hang on!” Tom yelled.

    The ship shook violently, there were loud clanging noises, Samantha felt her head hit something, and her vision became fuzzy. She didn’t remember being unconscious, but when she opened her eyes, she saw that she’d been moved from where she’d been sitting, and she was very, very sore.

    “Wha-what happened?” she said, touching a sore spot on her head, and seeing blood on the tips of her fingers.     Tom was scanning her with a medical tricorder. Samantha found herself glad that he had agreed to be trained as a field medic.     “We made it. -ish,” Tom said. “The Delta Flyer’s first real planetary landing wasn’t exactly an auspicious one. We’re three kilometers under the surface. At least our primary hull is still in one piece.”     “Wish I felt the same way,” Samantha said.     “You’ll be okay,” Tom said. “Minor fractures, a concussion, nothing I can’t handle.”     “You’re a better nurse than you are a liar, Ensign,” Samantha grunted and clutched her side, which was hurting worse now.     Tom closed the medical tricorder and sighed. “You have a punctured kidney,” he said. “You need surgery.”     Samantha nodded.     “I have transmitted another distress call,” Tuvok said. “So far, no response.”     “I’ve got to talk to Naomi,” Samantha said, feeling scared. “And Annie. My girls, they’ll be so worried about me.”

    “Conserve your strength, Ensign,” Tuvok said. “Mr. Paris and I have the situation under control.”

    “Sam, I’m going to give you a mild sedative and something for the pain, okay?” Tom said, holding up a hypospray. Samantha nodded. She felt a little woozy after Tom applied the hypospray, but she could still hear him and Tuvok as they discussed their situation. Were she not drugged, it might’ve made her panic more.     “Any chance we could abandon ship and walk out of here?” Tom said.     “Unlikely,” Tuvok said. “We’re far too deep underground, and the cavern behind us has filled up with fluorine gas.”     “Seriously?” Tom said, sounding incredulous. “Fluorine? How did it not all ignite when we crashed?”     “Unknown,” Tuvok admitted.     Samantha, not wanting to fall asleep, tried to remember everything she could about fluorine gas and had to agree with Tom. That type of gas was so reactive water would ignite it, and now there was a huge cave full of it right behind them.     Three ion storms in one day, a crash landing, and surrounded by a gas that can explode if you look at it wrong. Welcome to the worst day of my life, she thought.

    “Our best option,” she heard Tuvok say, “is to wait for Voyager.”

-o-

    Naomi kept thinking about how her mom hadn’t contacted her in awhile, how Seven of Nine seemed to be avoiding her, and how nervous Neelix seemed to be. Something was going on, and no one was telling her and it was making her mad enough that nothing the Doctor was telling her about botany was registering.

    The Doctor was saying something about organelles when Naomi finally just said what was on her mind.     “My Mom was supposed to call me today. Why hasn’t she?”     The Doctor paused for a moment.     “Well,” he said, “she’s probably just busy.” The Doctor was still smiling like he was when he was giving his lessons, but Naomi felt something was a little off with the smile, like it was there just to make her feel better. “Now let’s have a little look at the cell wall,” the Doctor said, tapping a button on the console screen in front of her.

    “Can we try to call her?” she said. The Doctor didn’t answer right away.     “Well,” he started to say but was interrupted when the door to sickbay opened. “Neelix, so happy to see you,” the Doctor said. Neelix seemed surprised at that.     “Um, okay,” Neelix said. “I was just coming by to pick up Naomi. We’re going to do another Flotter story on the holodeck today. I’m not too early am I?”     “I was just asking the Doctor if we could call Mom on the Delta Flyer,” Naomi said. Neelix sighed. He looked at the Doctor, who nodded and stepped into his office, leaving her and Neelix alone.     “I should have said something sooner,” Neelix said. Naomi suddenly felt very nervous. “The Delta Flyer got hit pretty bad by some ion storms and had to land on a planetoid to make repairs. We can’t talk to them right now because of the damage. I’m sure you’re scared right now, and it’s okay to be scared, but I want you to know that everyone is doing everything they can to make sure the Flyer and everyone on it comes home safe. Okay?”     Naomi didn’t say anything. She just sat there. She did feel a little scared, like Neelix said she would, but she was also mad. Mad at him for not telling her right away that her mom was in trouble, mad at her mother for not saying she was in trouble the last time she called, mad at ion storms…

She got out of her chair and just left sickbay. Neelix followed her, asking her if she was okay but she just ignored him. She wanted to go somewhere where she could feel safe, so she went to holodeck one and activated the Flotter program. When Neelix tried to follow her in she just yelled “No!” at him and asked the computer to seal the door. She walked as far as the nearest tree, which wasn’t very far since the simulation was of a forest, leaned against it, and cried.

---

Seven of Nine worked at her console in the astrometrics lab. She was concerned for Sam, but she wasn’t allowing her fear to cloud her judgement. If pressed, she would have to admit that she just didn’t know if she could emotionally handle losing her, but that was all the more reason not to be reckless. She imagined that being allowed to work on the rescue mission played a large part, if not the largest, in helping maintain her calm.

“Computer, switch to polythermal imaging and enhance resolution,” she said. As she said so she heard the door open behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Neelix enter.     “Do you require assistance, Neelix?” she said.     “Maybe. I’m worried about Naomi,” Neelix said. He sighed, then added, “I messed up. I should’ve told her sooner, but I didn’t and I think waiting only made it worse.”     “How much did you tell her?” Seven said.     “Not much, just that the Flyer was in trouble and had to land. I didn’t tell her it crashed though.”     “I’ve found that Naomi is more clever and resilient than many on board Voyager give her credit for. She may well be angry that she wasn’t informed sooner about her mother’s situation, but I doubt that will hold for long. She will understand that you were only trying to protect her.”     “I could’ve done a better job of it, but thanks anyway Seven. Since she knows now, maybe you should talk to her before going down there to join the rescue team. She noticed how you weren’t saying much to her the past few days.”     “I will do that. Currently I am mapping the caverns around the crash site.” Seven stopped, and looked up from her console. “Do you have any experience mapping caverns, Neelix?”     “Not using technology like this, but I see where you’re going with that. Just tell me which buttons to push and I’ll keep the program going while you talk to Naomi.”     “Thank you,” Seven said. She gave Neelix a pat on the shoulder, a reassuring gesture that Samantha had done for her on numerous occasions. “If it is any consolation, the fact that you are willing to admit you were in error means you are unlikely to make a similar mistake in the future.”

“It doesn’t make me feel much better, Seven,” Neelix said. “but thanks for trying anyway. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m only a godparent and not a real parent.”     “That is not for me to say,” Seven said. As she started to leave, her comm badge chirped.     “Commander Chakotay to Seven of Nine.”     “Yes, Commander,” Seven said.     “Rescue Team Alpha needs that data,” Chakotay said, his voice suggesting urgency. Seven sighed. “I will meet you at the transporter site.” She closed the communication and turned to Neelix. “I don’t think I’m going to have time to talk to Naomi after all. Keep looking after her Neelix. She’ll need someone to talk to once the initial shock has worn off, if it hasn’t already.”

“Okay. And Seven? Bring them home.”     “I intend to.”

---

    “Ready, Tuvok?” Tom said.     “Ready,” Tuvok said. Samantha heard much of what was going on since the crash, but wasn’t sure what they were ready for. She had been drifting in and out of consciousness the whole time since they’d crashed, and the painkillers Tom was giving her were still working but they were also making it hard to focus.

    “Cross your fingers,” she heard Tom say. He reached into an open panel, touched something, and something on the panel up at the front where Tuvok was seated sparked.     “Damn,” Tom grunted.     “The magnetic relays have overloaded,” Tuvok said.     “We’d better find another way to polarize this hull, or Voyager’s sensors won’t be able to pick us up,” Tom said.     “Do not give up hope,” Tuvok said. “Probability of rescue is admittedly low, but it is not statistically impossible.”     “Comforting,” Tom said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.     “If we don’t make it,” Samantha said softly, “who’s going to look after Naomi?”     “The most likely outcome would be that Neelix and Seven of Nine would share that responsibility,” Tuvok said. “That is, of course, assuming we do not get rescued, which you should not rule out.”     Samantha scoffed, followed by a wince as the pain in her side flared up again.     “Our ship has Borg enhanced sensors and they still haven’t found us yet. If my honey’s tech can’t find us-”     “I’d hate to be the one who gives Seven the order to abandon the search,” Tom said under his breath, not realizing that Samantha could hear him.     “Shut up, Tom,” she said.     “Sorry,” he replied, looking embarrassed.     “You are concerned for your daughter, this is understandable,” Tuvok said. “I would remind you however that I am also a parent. My youngest child has been without her father for four years. Yet I am certain of her well-being. Your child will likewise survive and prosper, no matter what becomes of us.”     “He’s right,” Tom said, the first time she’d heard him say anything to or about Tuvok that wasn’t dripping with sarcasm since the crash. “There’s not a sentient on Voyager that wouldn’t take a phaser blast for that kid and you know it.”     Samantha felt tears well up, but not from the pain.

“Thank you,” she said.

---

    Seven of Nine walked around the cavern with her tricorder out, trying to learn everything she could about the cavern they were in. She, along with Chakotay, Joe Carey, and the rest of Rescue Team Alpha had found a piece of one of the Delta Flyer’s nacelles. While Chakotay informed the captain, Seven put together the data she collected. The cavern ahead of them had collapsed, but there was a hull signature behind the debris. She almost smiled, certain that not only had Sam and the others been found but they were likely alive, albeit trapped. Trapped however was preferable to dead under the majority of circumstances.

    Soon the other rescue teams were there, as were the phaser drills. She continued scanning as the drills operated, making sure that the activity didn’t cause another cave-in that would kill them as well. As progress was made, Seven was able to get more information in her tricorder about the cavern ahead of them, including the composition of the gas…     “Oh no,” she uttered before yelling at the team to stop the drills.     “What is it?” Carey asked. She handed him her tricorder.     “Fluorine gas,” she said. “If we pierce the final layer with a phaser it will ignite, destroying the cave, the Delta Flyer, and us with it.”     “Son of a bitch,” Carey said. “How did that even happen?”     “We could name this whole solar system after Murphy’s Law,” Chakotay said in exasperation. “We can’t just give up and leave them there, but long range sensors show yet another ion storm coming which would likely cause another cave in cutting off all hope.”     “Another ion storm?” Seven said, not even hiding the shock in her voice. Ion storms were not a rare thing in the galaxy, but for a single star system to have four of them, four of massive size, in less than an Earth standard week was so ridiculous that she felt like punching something, regardless of the fact that doing so would accomplish approximately nothing.     “Beaming through rock isn’t impossible,” Carey said. “It’s the amount that’s keeping us from getting our people out of there. Maybe if we keep drilling, but stop just before we reach where the gas is-”     “Except the transporter beam would likely ignite the gas as well,” Seven said.     “Possible,” Carey admitted. “But I don’t have any other ideas.”

    “Nor do I,” Seven admitted.     “Alright,” Chakotay said. “you two try to come up with a way to bleed that gas out of the cave without igniting it. But work fast. We’ve got a few hours at best before the Captain gives the order to abort the mission.”

-o-

    Inside the Delta Flyer, Tom Paris was recording a goodbye message for B’Elanna. Samantha didn’t want to eavesdrop, but it was difficult giving how she couldn’t move, and the ship, while larger on the inside that a standard shuttlecraft, just didn’t have enough room for there to be much in the way of private space. Tuvok was writing out his message to his family on a PADD. Sam wasn’t sure which way she was going to go with that just yet, or even if she should bother. Would anyone ever see or hear my last words anyway? she thought.

    “Warning. Life support has fallen to critical levels,” the computer said, cutting off Tom mid-sentence.     “Don’t mind the computer, she’s just jealous that I’m spending my last few moments talking to you. So long,” Tom said. As he hit the button to end recording, Samantha let out a bitter laugh.     “There are men who can’t say ‘I love you.’ And Tom Paris is their God-king,” she said.     “Do you really want to spend your final moments on the mortal coil being a smart ass, Sam?” Tom said, though there was no real anger to speak of in his voice, just resignation. She believed he didn’t really care how she spoke to him at the end, just that he was used to being the one to come back with a quip, so why stop now.

    “I’m sorry,” she said, and she meant it. She chalked up this uncharacteristic pettiness to the slowly fading sedatives and painkillers in her system. Tom had offered her more as there was still several doses worth in the Flyer’s medkit, but she refused. She did not want to be doped up when she made her own goodbye message, which she finally decided would be a visual one, like Tom’s. With Tom’s helping her up since she still couldn’t walk, she got into the chair and started the recording.     “Computer, encode message for delivery to Naomi Wildman, and Seven of Nine.”     “Acknowledged,” the computer said.     “Hi,” she said. “I know you’re both feeling very sad right now but I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay? First of all, I love you. Both of you. Naomi, I am so proud of you. How smart you are, how funny, how kind, how determined to learn new things. You are going to grow up to do extraordinary things. And you listen to Seven of Nine and to Neelix, they’ll be taking care of you now.

“Seven, Annika, I know that this will be harder on you than anyone. But don’t let it stop you from continuing to explore your humanity. Don’t be afraid to keep learning new things, about other organics and about yourself. Don’t use me as anchor. Mourn for however long you feel is right, but if another girl comes along who makes your heart beat faster the way I did, don’t pass on that chance.” Samantha stopped talking for a moment, wiping tears out of her eyes.     “Goodbye, Naomi. Goodbye, Annika Hansen. I love you both, so much.”     “Warning. Oxygen depletion in ten minutes,” the computer said just before Sam ended the recording.

Sam heard a sniff, and turned to see Tom Paris wiping his eyes.     “Okay, I want a do-over,” he said.

---

    Neelix walked onto the holodeck, the forest from the Flotter stories still smoldering from when the trees had been burned in the last chapter. From what he knew of the story there was at least one way, if not more, to restore it, but it appeared that Naomi had not done so yet. He considered for a moment that maybe she just hadn’t figured out how, but realized that far more likely was she wasn’t even trying. She was probably too upset about everything that was going on with her mother and the Delta Flyer.

    “Naomi?” he called out.     “Go away!” Trevis, a character from the holonovel yelled at him. The anthropomorphized tree looked as angry as his voice suggested he was, though if it was at him or at the fact that he was still partially smoldering he wasn’t sure.     “She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Trevis continued.     So he’s mad at me then, Neelix thought. Can’t say I blame him.

    “You lied,” another voice said. Neelix saw Flotter, a water elemental type character,  standing just behind and the to the right of Trevis.     “I thought you were vaporized,” Neelix said.     “Naomi re-liquified me. Now leave!”

    Neelix sighed. He didn’t have time for this, so he told the computer to delete the characters.     “Unable to comply,” the computer’s voice said. “Holodeck controls have been encoded.”     “Great, probably something Seven taught her,” Neelix said. “Look, Flotter, Trevis, I know I made a mistake. I should’ve told her sooner. That’s why I’m here to apologize, to try and make things right.”

    “I wonder if the liar can swim,” Flotter said.     “We could always hang him from one of my branches,” Trevis said.     Good gods who wrote this thing? Neelix thought. This is supposed to be for children.     “Naomi,” Neelix called out. “Please let me talk to you.”     “It’s okay,” he heard Naomi’s voice say. She stood from behind the fallen tree she’d been hiding behind.     “You be nice,” Trevis said.     “No more lying,” Flotter said, pointing a finger in Neelix’s face. Neelix walked around the two characters and went and sat next to Naomi.     “Is my mother dead?” she asked, not looking him the eye.     “We don’t know,” Neelix said. “The rescue operation is still going on.”     “What happened?”     “The Flyer was hit by an ion storm. They tried to land on the planet below us to do repairs, but crashed.”     “I saw debris. Fires. A crater.” Neelix noticed that Naomi still wasn’t looking at him when she talked, like she couldn’t bear to look at him after he’d kept her mother’s situation from her.     “But not the hull. Until we know for sure, I am not giving up on them being alive. Seven of Nine hasn’t, she’s down there helping with the rescue effort right now.”     “Do you really think they might find her?”     “Yes, I do. Your mother has Tom Paris and Tuvok with her, and they’ve survived worse than a shuttle crash before.”     “How do I know you’re telling me the truth this time?”     Neelix thought about it for moment.     “I never told you this before, but when I was younger, I lost my mother. My whole family. There was a war, and they died.”     “Who started it?” Naomi said, looking at him now.

    “It doesn’t really matter,” Neelix said, not wanting to admit that his people had been the aggressors. “Not anymore. Either way, it was still the worst thing that ever happened to me. I wanted to tell you the truth, but every time I came close, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know if I was protecting you, or myself. I let you down Naomi, and I am so sorry.”     “Why didn’t Seven tell me? She loves my mom, why didn’t she tell me?”     “Seven is still learning about what it’s like to be human,” Neelix said. “I don’t think she was ready for that kind of responsibility, having to be the one to tell a child that their parent was in danger. So she just stayed focus on the rescue effort. I think it helped her stay sane. Though I imagine she’s as scared as you are.”

    Naomi reached out and touched Neelix’s hand. Neelix was sure she was about to say she forgave him, but the ship suddenly shuddered.     “All hands to emergency stations,” Janeway's voice said over the comm. “The approaching ion storm has just upgraded to level eight.”     “Ion storm? What’s that?” Flotter said.

---

    “Level eight? What the hell is wrong with this star system?” Joe Carey shouted when the rescue team in the cavern received the call from the captain.     “No, no, no,” Seven muttered. Progress on the rescue had been slow, but they were so close, she just knew it, even though the data on her tricorder told her it was even odds at this point. For the first time since she’d heard about the Delta Flyer’s troubles several days ago, Seven of Nine crossed the line from fear for her girlfriend’s safety into full blown anxiety. Her hand shook, unwanted visions of Samantha being crushed by kilotons of rock filled her mind, and she was pretty sure she was about to cry.

    “Just a few more meters,” Chakotay told the captain over his comm badge.     “When that storm hits, your cavern is going to destabilize,” Janeway said. “You’ve got six minutes, make the most of it.”     “All right,” Chakotay said. “Keep going, we’ve almost cleared enough rock to be able to beam the whole shuttle out through the rock.”     “But we haven’t been able to clear the fluorine gas yet,” B’Elanna said.     “We’ll have to risk it,” Chakotay said. “It’s that or we lose them for good to another cave-in.”     “I swear, it’s like this system is cursed,” B’Elanna said.     “I was thinking the exact same thing,” Carey said.     “Focus,” Seven snapped at them. Rather than getting mad at her as they usually did when she was so curt, they did as she asked. She actually felt bad for having yelled at them, but this task was just too important. She made a mental note to apologize later, once Samantha was safe and sound.

---

    “Warning. Oxygen depletion in two minutes,” the computer said.     “You know, I think I’m just gonna turn that damn thing off. I don’t need a stopwatch running on my impending death,” Tom said.

    “In accepting the inevitable,” Tuvok said, “one finds peace.”     “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I guess this isn’t how I figured it would all end.”     “Did you envision perhaps a more heroic death?”     “Yeah, why not? Why not go out like Captain Kirk, saving the Enterprise-B and a bunch of refugees from an anomaly? Or Captain Garrett, paving the way for peace with the Klingon Empire by going down fighting against the Romulans? I can think of worse ways to go.”     “Like bleeding out from your kidneys?” Samantha coughed out.     Tom was debating whether to not to reply to that, considering that he didn’t want to risk the last words Samantha Wildman ever heard would be sarcastic ones, when he heard a sound that it took him a second to recognize. When he did, he laughed.     “They did it,” he said after laughing. “They found us. Those are phaser noises, I’d recognize them anywhere!”

---

    Seven of Nine and the rest of the team was beamed aboard just seconds after the Delta Flyer had been beamed to the shuttle bay with the aid of pattern enhancers. Seven did not wait to be dismissed before just dropping her gear on the pad and running, heading for the shuttle bay. When she got there, she saw Ensign Brooks helping Tom Paris step down. He looked a little dizzy and clearly needed the ensign’s help staying upright, but appeared otherwise unharmed, Tuvok climbing out of the shuttle right behind him.     “Sam?” she said. Tom looked at her.     “We had to have her beamed directly to sickbay,” he said. “She needed surgery for internal bleeding. I’m sure the Doc-”     Seven didn’t wait for Tom to finish. She slapped her comm badge so hard it nearly fell off.     “Seven of Nine to Naomi Wildman, meet me outside sickbay,” she said, running again, and nearly knocking over several crewmen as she made her way to sickbay. When she got there, Naomi was already outside, and Neelix was with her. The latter leaning against the bulkhead while the former was pacing until she spotted Seven.     Without saying a word, Naomi ran to her, wrapping her arms around her.     “Is she…” Seven said, but couldn’t bring herself to finish the question.     “The Doctor told us to wait outside,” Naomi said, trying not to sob as she spoke. Seven couldn’t blame her. “Seven, it’s okay that you didn’t tell me Mom was in trouble. I know you were scared. I’m scared too.”     “I’m sorry,” Seven said. “I was so focused on bringing Sam home I didn’t think about what was happening to you.”     “I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Neelix said. “She was still conscious when they beamed her on board. That has to be a good sign, right?”     “I believe it is,” Seven said, though she had to admit she wasn’t one hundred percent sure of that. The three of them waited outside in the hall, moving to let people past them when they had to but mainly waiting quietly. When the quiet got to be too much for Seven, she started to ask Naomi about how her holonovels were going, when the door to sickbay opened. The Doctor stood there, smiling.     “Naomi, Seven, you can come in. Mr. Neelix should wait out here so as not to crowd her.”     “No problem,” Neelix said, smiling himself. Seven followed behind Naomi, who quickly ran into her mother’s arms. Seven moved more slowly, not wanting to interrupt the reunion. When Sam saw her, she reached out an arm and motioned for Seven to join them in a group hug, which she did gladly.     “Good to see you again, Annie,” Sam whispered in her easy.     “Likewise,” Seven said.     “I think it goes without saying,” Sam said, “that I am never getting in a shuttle ever again.”     Seven of Nine, for the first time in what had felt like an eternity, laughed.

[voyagerafod]

Star Trek Voyager: A Fire of Devotion: Part 2 of 4: Louder Than Bells: Chapters Two & Three

[Chapters 2 & 3 are being posted together because of how short Chapter 2 is in the original document]

Chapter Two:

    “Hey Seven,” B’Elanna Torres said.     “May I ask why you invited me to your quarters?” Seven said, hands behind her back and standing at attention.     “At ease Seven, this isn’t a formal meeting. I actually had an idea last night. Care to sit down?”     Seven looked at the chair B’Elanna motioned to, then quietly sat down.     “I’ll cut to the chase Seven. Except for Sam and Harry you’ve hardly been talking to anyone since Edwin died. I understand, I pretty much isolated myself for awhile after I heard about what happened to my Maquis friends back home.”     “I remember,” Seven said. “While I appreciate the attempt at empathy, Lieutenant, I do not believe our situations are the same.”     “No, they’re not. And I wouldn’t insult you by suggesting they are. We’ve both suffered loss, but comparing the types of loss is a pointless exercise. I’m just offering you a chance for some cathartic release.”     “If you are proposing what I believe you are, I should inform you that Samantha has been already been helping me in that regard, and I-”   

    “Oh, no!” B’Elanna said, shaking her head “God no, I’m not, oh why did you have to put that mental image in my head? No, I was just going to ask you to join me in one of my combat simulations on the holodeck.”

    “Ah,” Seven said, her cheeks reddening slightly. “In hindsight perhaps I should’ve realized that is what you meant, as you have never shown any signs of a physical attraction to me. I apologize for my error.”

    Apologize to the dreams I’m gonna have tonight, B’Elanna thought.

    “Well, that little bit of awkward out of the way, the invitation still stands. I already have the interior of a Borg cube as a setting. We could-”     “Actually, Lieutenant,” Seven said. “I believe seeing Borg drones again so soon might cause the very discomfort you are hoping to alleviate. I believe we have some data on the Jem'Hadar, the race responsible for the deaths of your friends?”     “One of them, along with the Cardassians. We don’t really have much data beyond the tiny bit Commander Sisko was able to get about them. Starfleet only had one encounter with them before Voyager got yanked into the Delta Quadrant.”     “It will have to do then. I will meet you on holodeck one at the appropriate time. Thank you for your offer.”     “Okay. See ya then,” B’Elanna said.

---

    On her way to the holodeck, Seven almost literally bumped into Naomi Wildman as she walked down the hall, by herself.     “Hi Seven,” Naomi said.     “Hello, Naomi. Might I ask why you are wandering the corridors by yourself again?” Seven said, kneeling down so she could look the child in the eye while they talked.     “No reason. Just out for a walk. Mom’s on the bridge today, and I already finished my lessons for the day.”     Seven knew that Naomi was exceptionally bright, but that she also would often procrastinate when it came to her schoolwork. The lack of an actual school on board probably didn’t help, since it meant that Naomi had to do her lessons in her quarters, where all her toys and books were.

    “Are you sure,” Seven said, mimicking the tone that Samantha would take when she would ask that question. Naomi frowned.     “Yes, I’m sure,” she said.

    Seven wasn’t entirely sure she believed her, but smiled anyway. “Okay, good. I’m going to be on the holodeck with Lieutenant Torres for awhile, but when I’m done, how about we meet up in astrometrics and I can show you how some of the stellar phenomena we’ve passed lately?”

    Naomi smiled at that. Much like a Borg she constantly showed a desire to learn to new things, but unlike a Borg she approached it with an enthusiasm that Seven admired.

    “That’s sound awesome. Thanks, Seven,” Naomi said, throwing herself into a hug. Seven hugged back, and tousled Naomi’s hair, again copying Sam.     “Very good. Meet me in the lab at 1230 hours. Have fun.”

---

    “Ready?” B’Elanna said as Seven entered the holodeck. Seven looked around, taking in her surroundings.

“This looks like a standard deep space Federation colony,” she said.     “This is Soltok IV. It’s the colony Chakotay and I took off from our last mission before getting caught in the Badlands and taken by the Caretaker. Given its location, it was probably one of the first places to get hit when the Dominion attacked.”

Seven nodded, then said, “What types of weapons shall we be using?”     “Well,” B’Elanna said, pointing to a nearby wall where two weapons were leaned against it. “I didn’t know how much hand-to-hand training you’ve had, if any, so I’ve got a standard issue Starfleet phaser rifle for you, and a Bat'leth for myself. I’ve left the safety protocols on, so I figure between us we can handle about ten or twelve Jem'Hadar.”     Seven picked up the phaser rifle, looked at it, then looked up.     “Computer, increase safety protocols, then increase the number of enemy combatants by 500%.”     B’Elanna’s face must’ve betrayed her shock, because when Seven looked back at her she shrugged, and said “You said this was about catharsis, not about combat training. Wouldn’t an overwhelming victory serve better in that regard than a realistic one?”     “I guess, though if you ask me it’s not much fun if you can’t get hurt.”     “That is a matter of personal preference,” Seven said.     She’s got me there, B’Elanna thought. “Fair enough. Computer, start program.”

---

On the one hand, Sam was glad that Seven and B’Elanna were getting along better. They hadn’t really been metaphorically at each other’s throats since around the time Sam and Seven started dating, and had even been literally so once, but the two seemed to be forming a bond that Samantha didn’t want to discourage, anymore than she wanted to discourage her daughter’s recent interest in medicine.

On the other, it bothered her somewhat that what time Seven and B’Elanna spent together, with the exception of the time spent building the new Delta Flyer, was spent engaging in various battles on the holodeck; some created, some historical. Sam knew full well that it was all holograms, and that if anything Seven’s temperament when she left the holodeck was actually more mellow than when she went in. She just wished that her Borg girlfriend could’ve found a way to deal with the loss of her “son” Edwin and built a rapport with B'Elanna Torres without resorting to violence, even fake violence.

Finally, after several days of internal debate, Sam decided to finally discuss her concerns with Seven, which they did as they sat on the edge of Sam’s bed.     “Very well,” Seven said in a neutral tone. “I will discontinue the combat simulations with Lieutenant Torres.”

“Well,” Sam said, “I don’t want you to feel pressure-”     “To be honest Sam,” Seven said, cutting Sam off by putting a hand on her thigh. “while early on the simulations were a helpful cathartic aide in dealing with my grief, lately it has become more simply just something I do with the Lieutenant every week, much like my games of velocity with the Captain, or the Flotter holonovels with Naomi. Discontinuing the war games would not be a hardship, and I have no desire to make you uncomfortable.” Seven smiled, and Sam sighed.     “Someday,” Sam said. “I’ll remember that I don’t have to sugarcoat things with you. I was worried you’d be upset.”     Seven frowned. “Why would you think that?”     “Humans sometimes, not always but sometimes, can get a little defensive when you challenge their hobbies.”

“I see. Well, I am not wholly human. A fact I am certain you are reminded of everytime you get a hair caught in one of my remaining Borg implants.”     “You don’t need to keep apologizing for that Annie, it happens. Besides, at least it was just my head hair. It would’ve hurt way worse if-”     “Paris to Seven of Nine,” Tom’s voice said, coming out of Seven’s comm badge. “We need you in the shuttle bay. We’re about to do a test run on the Delta Flyer and I want you there for the weapons test since you helped design them.”

“On my way,” Seven said. “Would you like join us, Sam?”     “Thanks, but no,” Sam said. “Maybe some other time.”    

Chapter Three:

    Samantha Wildman looked over her shoulder as she heard the turbolift doors open. As she’d suspected might be the case, both Tom Paris and Harry Kim exited still dressed in the outfits they wore when taking part in Tom’s holodeck program, Captain Proton, based on early 20th century science fiction stories.     “Sorry Captain, we didn’t have time to change,” Tom said.     “Understood,” Janeway said. “Long range sensors have picked up something interesting.”     “Concentrated mass of oxygen and hydrogen,” Samantha said. “Lots of animal and plant life.”     “So, a planet?” Tom said sarcastically.     “No,” Janeway said, smiling. “That’s the interesting part. We’re almost in visual range, let’s fire up the viewscreen.”     Everyone on the bridge not already looking in the direction of the main viewscreen did so. A planet-sized globe made entirely of water, no visible land at all.     “Wow,” Tom said. “What’s holding all that water together?”     “I’m detecting a force field,” Harry said from his console. “That’s what’s keeping it from dissipating.”     “Get us in closer,” Janeway said. “I want a good look at this thing.”

    As Tom did so, the viewscreen showed three ships coming out of the water, passing through the containment field, and heading towards Voyager.     “Are those starships or submarines?” Tom said.     “I’m going to say, yes,” Samantha said.

    “Open a channel Tuvok,” Janeway said. Tuvok nodded, and Janeway began her standard greeting. “This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the starship Voyager. Please identify yourselves.”

“They are powering weapons,” Tuvok said.     “Shields up, red alert,” Janeway said. The ship shuddered slightly as the first volley hit, but Voyager had been shaken up worse by random nebulas.

“Shields holding, no damage,” Tuvok said.     Samantha actually felt some degree of concern, but not about the battle, but rather about the fact that she didn’t have any concerns about the battle.     Am I getting numb to this stuff? she thought. Normally I’d be nervous as hell right now.

“Should we return fire?” Tuvok said.     “Not yet. Janeway to approaching vessels, we have no hostile intentions.”     There was no response. Janeway shook her head.     “Target the lead ship’s weapons systems,” she said. After a few seconds…     “Direct hit,” Tuvok said.     “And now they’re hailing us,” Harry said. “What a shock.”

    “On-screen,” Janeway said.

    On the viewscreen appeared an alien wearing a jacket and a hooded undercoat.

    “I’m Deputy Consul Burkus of the Monean Maritime Sovereignty. You have violated our space. Withdraw or we’ll resume firing.”     “Consul,” Janeway said “we could’ve destroyed your ship but didn’t. We have no interest in a fight.”     “Then why are you here?”     “My people are explorers. Your ocean planet is frankly one of the most interesting things we’ve come across in some time.”     That hasn’t tried to kill us, Samantha mentally addended to Janeway’s statement.

    “We’d like to learn more about it. And your people as well, if you’d be willing.”     “And if we are not?”     “Then we’ll have to leave you alone, as disappointing as that would be.” Janeway was smiling now. She was sure that this was going to go her way and there wouldn’t be a fight. Samantha had a good feeling she was right, but hoped that Tuvok was ready with the phasers just in case.

    The Consul looked apprehensive, assuming his facial expressions were as readable as a human’s.     “Your ship is certainly impressive, Captain,” he said.     “We’d be happy to give you a tour,” Janeway said.

“I think that would be most interesting, I’ll give the other ships the order to power down. Please accept my apologies for the misunderstanding.”     Janeway chuckled.     “Consul,” she said “you’ll be shocked to learn that we’ve actually had worse greetings in our travels.”

---

    Seven of Nine stood by Sam’s console on the bridge, going over the readings from the ocean planet.     “The Captain and Tuvok went to greet our guests,” Samantha said. “They should be reaching the bridge fairly soon.”     “I imagine the Moneans will have very interesting data on this phenomenon,” Seven said. “I look forward to the chance to observe it more closely.”     “Get in line,” Tom Paris said, still looking at the globe of water on the main viewscreen with some degree of awe. Seven couldn’t entirely blame him. It was certainly as aesthetically pleasing to look at it as it was scientifically fascinating. Had she still been a Borg drone when she’d encountered this, she wouldn’t have been able to truly appreciate it.     “So you never saw anything like this when you were still in the collective?” Sam said.     “No,” Seven said. She thought for a moment then turned to lean against the console so she could look Sam in the face without having to turn her neck at an odd angle. “Would you care to join us if the Captain approves a survey mission.”     Sam shrugged.     “I don’t know. Maybe. There must be some very unique aquatic life down there.”     “And you haven’t taken a ride in the Delta Flyer yet,” Tom said, still eavesdropping on the conversation.     “Mister Paris’ rude interruption aside, he is correct,” Seven said. “Given how likely it is that the Flyer will be used for a variety of missions, it would be ideal for as many crew members to be familiarized with it as possible.”     “Well,” Sam said, “you did help build it. I wouldn’t be a very supportive girlfriend if I didn’t give it a little spin.”     “I am flattered,” Seven said. “but the majority of my contribution was to the weapons systems, which you are unlikely to use.”     Sam opened her mouth to reply to that statement, but the sound of the turbolift doors distracted her. Captain Janeway, followed by one of the Moneans, Tuvok, Neelix, and two other Moneans, one apparently female, exited onto the bridge,     “And this is Voyager’s command center,” she said. “Feel free to have a look around.”     “I’m curious, Consul,” Neelix said, “have your people always lived here?”     “Our ancestors were nomadic,” one of the aliens said, denoting him as the Consul who Neelix was speaking to. “They discovered the waters roughly 300 years ago.”

    “I bet they were as stunned as we were,” Tom said.

    “Yes,” the Consul said, nodding and smiling. “Mister…?”     “Paris. Tom Paris. I’m the ship’s pilot.”     Janeway began introducing the Consul to the rest of the bridge crew, including Seven and Samantha. Once introductions were out of the way, Consul Burkus, as he’d introduced himself, continued speaking about his ancestors who’d discovered the ocean planet.     “My ancestors realized they could farm sea vegetation, extract oxygen from the ocean for their ships, make a permanent home.”     “What’s your population?” Tom said. Seven raised an eyebrow as that was the exact question she was about to ask.     “More than eighty thousand.”     “And you all live underwater? That’s amazing,” Tom said. Seven was sure this was the most excited she’d seen him since the Delta Flyer had been completed.     “Mister Paris,” Tuvok said. “We do have other business to attend to.”

    “Tuvok, escort our guests to the briefing room,” Captain Janeway said. “Care to join us Lieutenant?” she added, having turned to face Tom.     “How could you tell?” Tom said, smiling as headed for the briefing room door behind ahead of the captain who merely chuckled as she shook her head.     “You know,” Sam said in a deadpan tone, “I get the feeling Tom might be intrigued by the water planet.” Seven had learned enough about human humor that she felt she knew how to reply.     “Are you sure?” Seven said, equally deadpan.

---

    “Do you still live aboard your ships?” Neelix asked the Consul once the group was in the briefing room. Paris was curious himself, so he listened closely to the answer as he took a seat.     “We’ve built an industrial infrastructure and undersea dwellings but yes,” the Consul said. “Most of our people still choose to live as our ancestors did.”     “Any idea how the ocean came into existence?” Captain Janeway said, leaning against the table as opposed to sitting down. “In my experience, it’s a unique phenomenon.”

    The Consul motioned to the other male Monean, this one wearing a red hood as opposed to Burkus’ blue.     “Riga?” Consul Burkus said.     “There are several theories,” the one called Riga said. “Our clerics teach that the ocean was a divine gift from the creators to protect and sustain us. But in my opinion, the most plausible explanation is that the ocean formed naturally, much the same way that a gas giant does.”     Tom noticed that Riga was starting to look slightly nervous, and kept looking at Burkus, as if afraid of what the Consul would think about what he said next.     “Unfortunately, our limited knowledge of the phenomenon has created a few problems.”     “What do you mean?” Janeway asked.     “I’m not sure this is an appropriate topic,” Burkus said. The way he said it raised a red flag for Tom, though what it meant he wasn’t sure yet.     “But, they might be able to help us,” Riga said.     “We’d be willing to help in any way we can,” Janeway said.

    “The ocean’s losing containment,” Riga continued. “Hydro-volume has decreased more than seven percent in the last year alone.”     “Any idea what’s causing it?” Tom asked.     “No,” Riga said. ”To make a thorough study we would need to explore the ocean’s center where I believe the gravitational currents are fluctuating.”

    “That’s more than six-hundred kilometers deep,” Tom said.

    Riga nodded. “Our best research vessel can only go one hundred kilometers deep. beyond that the pressure is just too great.”

“Well we could take you there,” Tom said. He saw the captain giving him a look. “I mean, if the captain gives a go-ahead that is.”

---

    Once the Moneans had left, Janeway brought Tom with her to her ready room to discuss the matter.     “I never had you pegged for a sailor Tom,” she said, smirking.     “Well, in a way aren’t we all? What is space but an ocean of stars?” Tom said.     Janeway rolled her eyes.     “Save the poetics for your girlfriend, Tom,” she said, though not with any real annoyance. She did think Tom had a point, even if he presented it in a pretentious fashion.     “When I saw that ocean today, Captain,” Tom said. “I was reminded of the first time I read Jules Verne as a kid.”     “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea?” Janeway said.     “You’ve read it?”     “Once, but it left an impression. Shame nobody really writes stories like that anymore. I guess once humanity actually was traveling the stars, meeting aliens, walking on distant worlds, that kind of tale lost its luster.”     “Not for me, though you probably already knew that since I’m sure you’ve heard of my Captain Proton program.”     “Indeed,” Janeway said. “Coffee?” she added, now standing by the replicator.     “No thanks,” Tom said. He sat down on the long couch up against the viewports. “I was obsessed with stories about the ocean for a while,” he continued. “read all sorts of stories about it.”     “Moby Dick?” Janeway said, now sipping her own cup of coffee.     “Well, yes, though I found that one a little boring to be honest.”     Janeway nodded, but said nothing.     Tom took a deep breath.

    And here comes the mission pitch, Janeway thought.     “Captain, I believe that with a few simple thruster modifications to the Delta Flyer, I could make her seaworthy in no time.”

    “Good,” Janeway said, sitting down behind her desk. “Because it would take a week to make the necessary modifications to Voyager.”     “So it’s my mission?” Tom said, looking excited.

    “Bon voyage,” Janeway said with a nod.

---

    “I don’t need you per se,” Tom Paris said to Samantha Wildman as he sat across the table from her and Seven of Nine on the mess hall. “I just thought you might like to come down and see all the new sea life no human has ever seen before.”

    “Tempting, Tom, very tempting,” Sam admitted. “But this mission has a specific purpose that’s not really my field. If you were just going down there to look at the sea life, you’d have to have Tuvok drag me out of the Flyer, I haven’t really had the chance to ply my trade since Naomi was born. But I would love to have a look at whatever you pick up on your sensor logs on your way to the core.”     “Okay,” Tom said, “but I think you’re missing out. How about you boatswain?” he added, looking at Seven.     “What?” Seven said.     “Are we ready to shove off?”     “It’s sailor talk sweetie,” Sam said, guiltily feeling amused at Seven’s look of confusion at Tom’s outdated Earth slang. “You’ll probably get used to it.”     “I imagine not,” Seven said. Tom just laughed.     “Well, anyway Seven, meet me, Harry, and the Monean named Riga down in the shuttle bay in an hour. Enjoy your lunch in the meantime. And remember to call me Skipper once we’re seaborne.”

    Sam rolled her eyes. “Tom, If I promise to go along on the next Delta Flyer mission will you stop with the nautical lingo?”     “I’ll consider it,” Tom said as he got up and left.     “Should I research this nautical lingo you speak of before I go?” Seven said. “Or can I safely ignore him during the mission?”     “Just have Harry translate it for you,” Sam said. “At least he’s not going to make you dress like a cabin boy.“

    Seven frowned slightly.     “I’m not even going to bother asking you to explain that one, as I’m fairly sure I do not wish to know.”

    Sam thought about it for a moment.     “Hmm, probably not,” she said. “Though I can certainly think of some period appropriate garb I wouldn’t mind seeing you in.”     Seven smiled. “We can discuss that when I get back from the mission,” she said.

---

    Seven of Nine didn’t allow it to show on her face, but she completely empathized with Tom Paris’s awe at the site of the underwater structures the Moneans had built as the Delta Flyer made its way towards the core of the ocean planet.     Sadly they had not seen much in the way of marine life, at least not yet, but Riga had promised that there were species of fish that had been here when their people first arrived centuries ago. Seven kept a lookout, hoping to gather some data for Sam.

    “What are those structures?” Tom said to Riga.     “It’s our main oxygen refinery,” Riga said. “and desalination plant.”     Seven ran a quick scan.     “Corrosion resistant alloys, variable-density ballast, an efficient design,” she said, openly impressed.     “We’re very proud of what we’ve built here,” Riga said.     “I can see why,” Tom said.

    The Delta Flyer continued deeper and deeper, eventually passing all the Monean structures, but still a ways to go to the core.     “Excuse me, Seven is it?” Riga said.     “That is correct,” Seven said.     “I wonder why it is you’re so interested in sea life. Is that your field of study, or is it more of a hobby? If you don’t mind my asking, that is.”     “I do not,” Seven said, not looking up from her scans. “And the answer is neither. While I am well versed in many branches of science my expertise does not lie in marine biology or xenobiology.”     “Oh. So why the interest in fish?” Riga said, sounding genuinely curious.     “I am in a relationship with Voyager’s chief xenobiologist,” Seven said. “I am hoping to collect data for her, as she prefers not to leave the ship unless absolutely necessary. I convinced her to join me on an away mission once, and I was injured. It was minor, but the last time she was off ship prior to that incident her daughter became gravely ill.”

    “Oh dear,” Riga said. “I hope the child survived.”     “She did,” Seven said.

    “Good to hear. And I guess I can see where your mate is coming from. I imagine I’d feel the same way. It’s also interesting to learn that humans apparently can procreate with a person of either gender. We’ve never encountered that before.”     “It doesn’t exactly work like that,” Tom said. “But let’s not get into that here. Human sexuality is complicated, to put it mildly.”     “An understandable error,” Seven of Nine said to Riga. It wasn’t an appropriate conversation to have, as Tom said, but she felt no need to make him feel guilty about bringing it up. He was merely curious, as any scientist would be.

    “We’re at a depth of five hundred and sixty kilometers,” Tom said. A few seconds later, the hull made a squeaking noise.     “What was that?” Riga said.     “The hull contracting,” Seven said.     “Rerouting additional power to structural integrity,” Harry said. “We’re good.”     “I am detecting multi-phasic energy discharges,” Seven said. “bearing zero-two-one Mark 6 and a range of twelve kilometers. It’s a structure of some sort.”     “At this depth?” Riga said.     “Adjusting course,” Tom said. “Increase forward illumination.”

    Seven turned to look. The structure in front of them was old, she could tell that much even without an additional scan. Hexagonal patterns covered it, whatever it was, as did many aquatic plants. Whoever had built this either did not have any automated cleaning systems installed, or they had failed long ago.

    “What is it?” Riga said, moving from his seat to stand next to Tom.     “It’s generating massive amounts of artificial gravity,” Harry said. “Looks like it’s some kind of field reactor.”

    “If it’s malfunctioning that could explain the loss in hydro-volume,” Riga said.     “Perhaps it can be repaired,” Seven suggested.     “It looks ancient,” Tom said, moving the Delta Flyer closer to the structure.

    “If these readings are right,” Harry said, “it’s over a hundred-thousand years old.”     “We’ve no records of any previous inhabitants,” Riga said. “Who were they? Where did they go? Why did they build this?”     “Looks like the reactor is controlled by a core computer,” Harry said. “I’ll try to upload the database, see if that gives us any answers.”     “Do so carefully Mister Kim,” Seven said. “A computer that old, its hardware may not hold up well under the strain of a large scale upload.”     “Initiating the interface,” Tom said, “upload in progress.”     The Flyer suddenly began shaking.     “What’s happening?” Riga said.     “We’ve got a visitor,” Tom said, as the shadow of a massive, black, eel-like creature passed in front of the main viewport.     “What was that?” Riga yelled.     “You live here, you tell us,” Harry said.

    “My people have never been this far down before. Whatever this is doesn’t get up to where our structures are, thank goodness.”     Seven turned and saw out the side viewport the creature heading straight towards them, its maw wide open, showing rows of large sharp teeth.     “It would be advisable for us to leave,” Seven said.     “I believe that’s Borg for ‘get us the hell out of here,’” Tom said, “and I couldn’t agree more.” Tom began to turn the ship, in time to avoid going straight into the creature’s mouth, but not enough to avoid getting sideswiped by it. The shuttle shuddered violently.     “The creature is emitting biothermic discharges,” Seven said. The ship shook again, and a console near the rear exploded. “That last charge exceed five hundred thousand volts.”

    “Shields are fried,” Harry said.     “I’ve got us turned around, let’s get back to-”     Another impact shook the Delta Flyer, as bad as the last one, but no panels exploded this time.     “Dammit!” Tom yelled. “Thrusters are off-line. Targeting forward phasers.”

    “Wait, you can’t kill it!” Riga said.     “I don’t intend to if I can avoid it,” Tom said. “I’m lowering the power. Hopefully we’ll just stun it.”     Another impact.

    “How is that upload coming Harry?” Tom said.     “Just a few minutes,” Harry said.     We may not have a few minutes, Seven thought.

“Firing phasers. Just a warning shot,” Tom said. The ship took another hit, and for a moment Seven was concerned that Tom’s actions had only angered the creature, but a glance at her sensors showed that that was not the case.     “The creature is retreating” she said. Tom and Harry breathed a sigh of relief, but before anyone could say anything, an alarm sounded.     “We’ve got a breach!” Harry yelled. The sound of running water soon confirmed that, and it was getting louder.     “I’m on it,” Tom said, heading to the back of the shuttle. Seven could now see the water leaking in through a panel in the Flyer’s ceiling.     Well, Seven thought. This is unfortunate.

“Hand me a laser welder,” Tom said. Seven looked under her console, but couldn’t find one. Harry apparently had the same thought as he handed one to her to pass to Tom, who quickly got to work sealing the leaks. He managed to do so, but not before his uniform got soaked through.     “Nothing like a cold shower to wake up the senses,” Tom said.     “You should warm yourself quickly, Lieutenant,” Seven said. “before hypothermia has a chance to set in.”     “Yeah, thanks Mom,” Tom said dismissively as he returned to the pilot’s seat.     “Structural integrity is weakening,” Harry said. “We’ve lost communications, shields, and the pièce de résistance, propulsion.”     “We can decrease our density by venting plasma,” Seven said. “and by transporting all non-essential equipment off the ship. It will take time, but we will eventually rise to the surface.”     “Not a bad idea Seven, but I think we should stay,” Tom said.     “Stay?” Riga said.     “I’m not about to be scared off by a few damaged systems,” Tom said.     “Were you perhaps struck on the head while repairing the leak, Mister Paris?” Seven said.     “Look,” Tom said, “it’s a pretty good bet that the reactor’s malfunctioning. We’re only gonna get one shot at fixing it. You wanna leave, fine. Give me an environmental suit and you can pick me up after you’ve repaired the Flyer.”     “That is such an idiotic thing to say I really have no comeback sarcastic enough to counter it,” Harry said.

“You have a better idea?” Tom said. Seven shook her head and went to work on her console. Hopefully she could find a solution to the situation while the two supposed friends bickered.

“Well, we’ve managed to interface with the reactor’s computer core,” Harry said. “Maybe we can make the repairs, maybe not. But I’m not leaving you down here alone.”     “I’m scared,” Riga said. “But I’m willing to stay.”

    “Seven?” Tom said.     “It would seem I am already outvoted,” she said. “We may as well stay then.”

    “Okay, let’s get to work th-”     The ship shuddered one more time.     “Oh come on!” Harry yelled.     “Is that creature back?” Riga said.

    “It was a gravimetric discharge,” Seven said. “The reactor’s core is unstable.”     “You’d be unstable too if you were as old this thing,” Tom said.     “Age has nothing to do with it,” Harry said. “The reactor's diverting massive amounts of power to its structural integrity field. Power normally reserved for oceanic containment. This could explain why the containment has been weakening.”     “Makes sense,” Tom said.     “Looks like the density of the water’s been increasing over the past few years,” Harry continued. “It seems the reactor is just trying to keep itself from being crushed.”     “A logical conclusion,” Seven said.     “Can we initiate a power transfer?” Tom said. “That might stabilize the core.”     “It would only be a temporary solution,” Seven said. “But it can be done.”     “Do it,” Tom said. “Then vent the plasma, jettison what we don’t need, and we can go home.”

---

    “Have you found something?” Riga said, entering the lab on Voyager where Tom Paris was going over the data obtained on the mission to the ocean planet’s core.     “Yep,” Tom said. “I’ve been studying the generator’s database and you’re not gonna believe this, but apparently your ocean used to be part of a land mass.”     “Astonishing,” Riga said.     “I know right? As far as I can tell it used to be part of a planetary eco-system. One inhabited by a very advanced civilization.”     “What happened to them?” Riga said.     “Good question. All I’ve been able to find out is they launched this reactor,” he touched a button on a console and began playing a simulation for Riga. “into orbit, and used some kind of elaborate kinetic transfer system to draw the water and everything in it up to the reactor.”     Riga stared in wonder at the simulation as it showed a sped up version of what the process most likely looked like.     “Extraordinary,” Riga said. “Why would anyone want to move an entire ocean?”     Tom shrugged. “Some kind of disaster on their planet maybe? Or maybe it was just an experiment.”

    “That must’ve been a massive undertaking,” Riga said.     “Took them almost two hundred years by my calculations,” Tom said.

    “I wonder what they’d think if they knew we settled here and built another civilization,” Riga said.     “Actually,” Tom said, “I think they’d be pretty concerned. This field reactor they designed, it’s a pretty amazing and durable piece of technology. I don’t think it’s responsible for the loss of containment.” Tom walked over to a desk in the lab and picked up a PADD to hand to Riga.     “But, as soon as we made the recalibration the water stabilized,” Riga said. “I don’t see what else it could be.”     “Riga,” Tom said. “your people’s mining operations are destroying the ocean.”

    “Oh,” Riga said, sounding more saddened than shocked, like deep down he’d always suspected this might be the case, but just didn’t want to admit it.     “There’s more you should know,” Tom said. “When I got back, the Captain filled me in on what we missed while we were down there. The rate of water loss is worse than we thought. We’re looking at total dissipation in in less than five years. You may have to consider evacuating if we can’t stop the hydro-volume loss.”

    “Oh,” Riga said. It seemed like an underreaction, but he didn’t say anything, figuring that Riga was just in shock, and that the news he’d been given just hadn’t sunk in yet. After a few quiet moments, Riga spoke up again.     “We need to bring this information to Consul Burkus,” he said.     “Agreed,” Tom said. “I haven’t met a lot of them, but I know that good politicians do exist in this galaxy. If he isn’t one, maybe one of your other leaders will be willing to listen.”

---

    Captain Janeway sat at the head of the table in the briefing room. She wanted to make it clear to Burkus that this was not the same casual type of meeting that they’d had when he first came aboard. Tom Paris and B’Elanna Torres were with her, while Burkus and Riga and a third Monean sat opposite them.

    “The council is very grateful for your help Captain,” Burkus said, after Tom filled him in on the situation. “They’ve asked me to request the shield and thruster schematics for your Delta Flyer. We’re hoping to design a probe that will allow us to monitor the containment generator.”     If I wrote a holonovel with a politician this stereotypical, Janeway thought, he’d be dismissed as too cliched.

    She put on a smile that she hope looked genuine.     “Lieutenant Torres will give you everything you need,” she said. She didn’t like Burkus all that much, but there was no point in screwing over his entire race over it.     “I’ve also drawn up some designs for an oxygen replication system,” B’Elanna said, reaching over the table to hand Burkus a PADD. “It’ll allow you to create free oxygen without extricating it from the water. It won’t solve your problems overnight, but it’s a start.” B’Elanna sat back down and smiled. She was proud of how quickly she came up with a solution to the Monean’s problem, and as far as Janeway was concerned B’Elanna had earned that pride. It was a good solution.     “I’m sure it’ll be very helpful,” Burkus said in a tone that made the hairs on the back of Janeway’s neck stand up.     There’s a ‘but’ coming, she thought, I can feel it.     “Our oxygen extraction levels are still dangerously high,” Riga said. If Janeway had been right about that ‘but,’ she would never know because the conversation took a different turn. “I’m going to recommend shutting down refineries four, five, and six.” Riga continued.

    “We’ll take it under advisement,” Burkus said quickly, looking very uncomfortable. He stood up. “Well, Captain, I wish you a safe journey.”     “We have a few more suggestions if you’d like to hear them,” Janeway said, resisting the urge to add the word “asshole” at the end of the sentence.     “Please,” Burkus said. “Pass them along to Mister Riga, and he’ll include them in his report.” Riga looked concerned. Janeway glanced to her right and saw Tom Paris with a similar look on his face.     “I’m curious,” Tom said. “who’s going to read that report?”     “It will be given to the subcommittees on life support and agriculture,” Burkus said.     “Forgive me for my bluntness, Consul,” Riga said, “but I don’t think you understand the magnitude of the crisis. What you’re suggesting could take months.”

    “Thank you, Mister Riga,” Burkus said, in a tone that suggested he was anything but thankful.     “You should listen to him,” Tom said, standing up. “If you don’t make some serious changes, and soon, that ocean won’t be here much longer.”     Janeway hoped that Burkus would listen, but also hoped that Tom would calm down. The last thing she needed on her hands was an interspecies incident.

    “As I said, we understand his concerns,” Burkus said, trying to sound diplomatic.     “Do you?” Tom said.     “Tom?” Janeway said quietly, trying to get her navigator's attention, hoping to calm him down.     “It seems to me like you’re trying to sidestep the issue and just send us on our way,” Tom continued. Janeway took some small relief in the fact that Tom at least wasn’t raising his voice.

    “With all due respect,” Burkus said, letting his agitation show now. “who are you to tell us what to do with our ocean?”     “With all due respect, it’s not your ocean,” Tom said forcefully, moving around the table to stand face to face with Burkus, just what Janeway had hoped he wouldn’t do.     “Lieutenant?” she said forcefully, trying to get Tom to back off.     “It’s all right Captain,” Burkus said. “I’d like to respond. But not as a diplomat, as a Monean. You came here claiming you wanted to learn about our way of life, and now having spent three days here you’re suggesting we abandon it. My people have an expression. ‘Brine in the veins.’ Riga, tell him what that means.”     Riga sighed.     “It’s used to describe someone who has special connection to the waters,” he said.     “My family has lived her for ten generations,” Burkus continued. “We protected this ocean. Cultivated it. Lived in harmony with the animals that inhabit it. Can you say the same?”     Damn, he’s good, Janeway thought. If I didn’t already know he was full of shit, I could be convinced to vote for him.

    Tom didn’t respond.     “I didn’t think so,” Burkus said. Good day, Captain.” Burkus turned and left, Riga and the other Monean following behind him, leaving Tom standing there. Janeway couldn’t see the look on his face since his back was turned to her, but she could guess.     “We can’t just let this go,” Tom said, turning around.     “What do you want me to do, Tom?” she said. “Just violate the Prime Directive because of one idiot?”

    “Well, frankly yes,” Tom said. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the PD lately and it seems to me that what started as a good law has become intractable dogma. It’s not that I want us to just throw it out, that would be wrong and against everything the Federation stands for. But sometimes I think we use it as an excuse to avoid making a hard decision.”     “We?” Janeway said.     “The royal ‘we,’” Tom said. “As in Starfleet as a whole.”

    Janeway stood up.     “I know you’re upset Lieutenant, but when you’re in a room with me you check that attitude at the door, understood?”     “Captain, I’m sorry, but-”     “We can’t expect an entire society to change because we think they should. Between you me and B’Elanna I’ve had my doubts about how the Prime Directive has been applied too. Hell, I wonder about how I’ve applied it myself in the past, though I will deny it if you tell anyone I said that.”     Tom looked down, seeming embarrassed.     “I didn’t mean to antagonize you, Captain,” he said.     “You didn’t,” Janeway said. “I’m just being honest with you in ways a Captain normally shouldn’t in the hope that it’ll keep you from doing something stupid.”

“We did what we could, Tom. We gave them the help they asked for. We told them what we know. Now it’s up to them to do what they think is appropriate.”     “You heard that Consul,” Tom said. “they aren’t going to a damn thing.”     “Maybe but that’s their prerogative, Tom. End of discussion. At 1400 hours we will resume a course for the Alpha Quadrant. Is that clear?”     “As a bell,” Tom said. B’Elanna got up from her seat and moved to Tom’s side, putting a hand on his shoulder.     “Come on, Tom,” she said. “I’ll join you on the holodeck for a Captain Proton adventure. Maybe that’ll help take your mind off of this.”     Tom looked sadly out the viewport, where the edge of the ocean planet was visible. Janeway felt sorry for him, but the fact was that unlike some instances she’d run into since taking command of Voyager, the Prime Directive here was clear cut. The Monean leadership had made it clear they did not want any further help from her or her crew.

As Tom and B’Elanna exited the briefing room together, she hoped that the Monean that had gone to the core with Tom, Riga, would find the courage to stand up to his superiors.

---

    It was almost 1400 hours, but Seven of Nine had decided to arrive on the bridge early. Normally she did her duties from the astrometrics lab, but Commander Chakotay had decided to add her to the bridge crew for this particular shift. She found his reasons for doing so inadequate, especially the claim of it ‘breaking the monotony’ on the grounds that she was quite comfortable having a fixed routine. In fact, except when she was spending time with Sam during the periods when their off-duty hours coincided, spontaneity held no appeal for her.

    She sat down at the station that was normally Sam’s during her bridge rotations, and adjusted the settings on the console to her liking. While she was doing so, an alert noise from Tuvok’s console got her attention. Tuvok summoned Captain Janeway to the bridge. She arrived quickly, the front of her uniform jacket only partially zipped up.     “Captain, there has been an unauthorized launch from the shuttle bay,” Tuvok said.     Tom Paris, Seven thought ruefully.     “The Delta Flyer,” Tuvok continued. “Sensors show another lifeform aboard with Mister Paris. The lifesigns are Monean.”     “Hail them,” Janeway said,     “No response,” Tuvok said.     Seven looked at her console. She felt like she should be doing something during this situation, but wasn’t sure what, and that lack of certainty frustrated her.     “Try a tractor beam,” Chakotay said.     “We’re out of range,” Tuvok said.     We’re being hailed, Captain,” Harry Kim said. “It’s Consul Burkus.”

    “Of course it is,” Janeway said as she took her seat. “On screen.”     “Your shuttlecraft has violated our borders. I demand an explanation,” Burkus said.     “Mister Paris is acting without authorization,” Janeway said with frustration punctuating every syllable.     “To what end?” Burkus said.     “Our scanners show that Mister Riga is with him,” Janeway said. “I’m assuming they intend to take some sort of radical action to protect the ocean.”     “Hmm,” Burkus said. “I’m certainly angry, Captain, but I must admit a part of me respects Riga for this. He’s always come across as a coward to me before. But they still must be stopped.”     Seven found Burkus’ description of his subordinate rather hypocritical in light of his own actions after Riga and Lieutenant Paris had presented him with the information regarded to side effects of their oxygen mining.     “I assume you plan to take radical action to stop them, Captain?” Burkus said.     “I do,” Janeway said. She silently signaled for the communication with Burkus to be ended. Once his face was off the screen, she began pushing buttons on the console by the captain's chair.     “Janeway to Paris, return to Voyager immediately,” she said.     “I’m sorry, Captain,” Tom’s voice replied. “I can’t do that.”     “Lieutenant, you are disobeying a direct order. This goes beyond violating the Prime Directive, you and Riga are about to commit an act of terrorism.”     “I know,” Tom said, sounding sad. his short statement was followed by the noise of a com channel being closed.     “He cut us off,” Chakotay said.     “I noticed,” Janeway said. “What the hell are they up to?”     “They appear to be headed for somewhere underneath the industrial complex,” Seven said.     “Can we reach them with phasers?”     “Unadvisable,” Seven said.     “Seven is correct,” Tuvok said. “It would create a hydro-dynamic shockwave.”     “What about an old-fashioned depth charge?” Chakotay said.

    “It should be possible to modify a photon torpedo,” Tuvok said.     “Do it,” Janeway said. “Quickly.”

    It only took a few moments for Tuvok to complete the task, faster than Seven had anticipated.     “The torpedo is ready,” he said. “However, the Delta Flyer has submerged below our targeting range.”     “Consul Burkus is hailing us again,” Harry said.     Janeway sighed. “On screen,” she said.

    “Our refinery workers have been given five minutes to clear the structure. Was this the kind of evacuation you had in mind, Captain?” Burkus said with an accusatory tone. Seven of Nine began to understand why neither the Captain nor Lieutenant Paris liked the man.

    “Can you get them out in time? Janeway said.     “Yes, but-”     “Do it. I’ll find a way to protect your refinery. End transmission.”     “Captain, I-” the viewscreen returned to the view of the ocean planet.

    “Mister Paris descended to avoid attack,” Tuvok said. “If my calculations are correct he will have to come back up to a depth of two thousand meters to strike his target.”     “Giving us a window of opportunity,” Janeway said.     “Captain,” Harry said. “This is Tom we’re talking about. We’re not going to open fire are we?”

    Seven agreed. While she conceded that Mister Paris’ attack had to be stopped, destroying the Delta Flyer seemed like an extreme measure, in addition to being a waste of resources for Voyager as Tom was also the ship’s lone nurse in addition to its pilot.     “As far as I’m concerned,” Janeway said, now directing some of her anger at Lieutenant Kim. “he forfeited his status as a protected member of this crew the second he launched that shuttle.”

    “He’s started his ascent,” Chakotay said. “He’ll reach the target in thirty-six seconds.”

    “Hail him,” Janeway said. Seven could pick up from the tone of the Captain’s voice that this was the last time she was planning to do this.     “Go ahead,” Harry said.     “Lieutenant Paris, this is your final warning,” Janeway said.     No response.     “Arm the torpedo,” Janeway said.     “Twenty seconds to weapon’s range,” Harry said.     “Stand down Mister Paris. Or I will open fire.”     Should I do something? Seven thought. This doesn’t seem right. Tom Paris is an individual, not a defective drone. She bit her lower lip to keep from speaking up. She wondered if Sam would’ve said something at this point, or would she have just followed orders.     Tuvok began counting down. When he reached “One,” Janeway gave the order to fire.     “The Flyer has been disabled,” Tuvok said a few moments later.     “Their missile?” Janeway said. In all the tension, somehow Seven of Nine had missed the detail that the Delta Flyer had fired a missile at the refinery. That was unacceptable to her. She made a note to speak with the Doctor about it later.

    “Deflected,” Tuvok said.     Janeway didn’t say anything. Seven of Nine returned her focus to the console in front of her.

---

    Captain Janeway stood facing Tom Paris, with her hands behind her back, her stern glare masking the seething anger she truly felt at what her navigator had done. Two armed guards stood behind him. If they had any feelings about what was happening, they didn’t show it.

    “You are guilty of insubordination, unauthorized use of a spacecraft, reckless endangerment, and conduct unbecoming an officer. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”     “Riga needed my help,” Tom said.

    “In doing so you disobeyed my direct orders.”     “Yes, Captain,” Tom said.     “You violated the protocols that govern this crew.”     “Yes, Captain.”

    “You nearly caused an armed conflict with the Moneans.”Janeway heard her own voice getting louder with each sentence, but she didn’t care. Her anger was justified as far as she was concerned.

    “Yes, Captain,” Tom said.     “Frankly, you’re lucky to be standing here right now. I would’ve destroyed your shuttle if necessary.”

    If Tom was flustered by that, he didn’t show it. He kept as stoic as he had been throughout the proceedings leading up to this moment. In a twisted, ironic way Janeway was as proud of him right now as she was tempted to keep him in the brig for the rest of the journey home, all sixty-plus years of it.

    “Yes, Captain. Permission to speak freely?”     “Granted.”     “Riga’s people weren’t going to listen. They were going to ignore our warnings.”     “You don’t know that.”     “Riga knew, and I was the only one who could help them.”     “I understand your passion,” Janeway said, and she hoped he knew she meant it. “But passion alone doesn’t give you the right to take matters into your own hands. Four years ago, I released you from prison and gave you a fresh start. Until now you’ve been a fine officer. Your service on this ship has been exemplary. I really believed you were past this kind of conduct.”

    “Serving under your command has changed me, for the better. But at least this time I broke the rules for a reason, for something I believed in, instead of just trying to piss off my father, or because I was looking for a fight.”     “I admire your principles Tom, but I can’t ignore what you’ve done. Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, I hereby reduce you to the rank of ensign. And I sentence you to thirty days solitary confinement.” Janeway stepped closer to Tom, and removed one of the pips on his collar. “Take Ensign Paris to the brig,” she said to one of the security guards, both of them moved to stand on each side of Tom.     “I know the way,” Tom said, turning and walking out of the captain's ready room, the guards following behind him.

Once the door closed, she let out a long, sad sigh.

---

    Seven of Nine wondered briefly why she’d allowed Harry Kim and B’Elanna Torres to talk her into doing what she was about to do, but after taking a calming breath, she walked up to the door to the captain’s ready room, and waited for permission to enter.     “Come in,” the captain said.

    “Captain,” Seven said, standing at attention.     “So, how can I help you Seven?”

    “I’m here in regards to Mister Paris’ incarceration,” Seven said, deciding it best to get this over with quickly, since she was more than ninety percent certain of this conversation’s outcome. Janeway sighed and put down her coffee and the PADD she was reading.     “Like I’ve already told Harry and B’Elanna I’m not letting him out of the brig. Not until his thirty days are up. So-”     “I am not asking you to do so Captain,” Seven said. Her reluctance to interrupt people was a fairly new trait, one she’d picked up from dating Samantha, but she also knew that if she didn’t get her point across quickly the captain would dismiss her before she even had a chance to start.

    “Oh? Then why are you here?”     “I understand that what Lieu- sorry, Ensign Paris did requires some form of consequence. However, I question the value of a month of solitary confinement. Having him in the brig, the demotion, these are all reasonable given this ship’s circumstances. But I feel I should remind you that using solitary confinement as a form of punishment is listed as torture under the Articles of the Federation, and was banned on Earth even before said articles were signed. In fact most member races of the Federation-”     “You’ve made your point Ensign,” Janeway said harshly, her expression flat. It occurred to Seven just then how, even though she’d been given a rank and a uniform months ago, how rarely anyone ever called her by her rank. “I don’t think you understand the severity of what Tom did, Seven. This goes beyond disobeying orders. You’ve done that. Even Tuvok went behind my back once.”     Seven didn’t know what she was referring to, but refrained from asking. She had a feeling she had already pushed the captain’s patience too far already, despite having only been speaking to her for a minute at most.   

    “He had come so far these past three years,” Janeway continued. “He was acting like a real Starfleet officer. He had stable friendships, he did his job well, often exceeding expectations. Looking at him today you would never know that at one point he was an academy wash-out and a convict with a chip on his shoulder the size of Europa.

    “And he risked it all on some foolish crusade that ultimately accomplished nothing. You could stand there and argue that he was just following his conscience. Harry and B’Elanna said the same thing, but it doesn’t matter. He accepted responsibility for his actions, and now he’s paying the price for them.”     “A point which I have never disputed, Captain,” Seven said.     Janeway sighed, and rubbed her face.     “Yeah, you haven’t. I’m arguing with you over a point you didn’t even try to make. Maybe I’m just trying to justify it to myself. Alright, I’ll start allowing some limited visitations on a schedule. Thank youm Seven.”     Seven was more than a little confused. Somehow, she’d gone from failing to make her case to the captain changing her mind without even getting the chance to expand her case. She nearly just flat out asked what had happened to make the captain change her mind so quickly, when Janeway said, “Dismissed.” Seven simply nodded, and left.   

    Heading towards the turbolift, Lieutenant Kim stopped her and asked how it went.

    “It would appear I succeeded,” she told him.

    “What does that mean?” Harry asked.

    “It means that I convinced her to end the solitary confinement, but I am uncertain how.”

    “That doesn’t make much sense.”

    “No argument here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must return to astrometrics.”