#Tell me this isnt accurate-ish

[cupids-chamber]

Y/N: I love murder mysteries!

Floyd, trying to impress them: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

(Note: All of these asks are before episode 206 (Season 2 finale) so some may be dated.) 1. ok but I love Rachel spent the latter half of 2021 being like ooooh Kronos is coming back!! this is a big deal!! only to timeskip ten years and NOTHING happened. like wow even Kronos isn't a big deal when it comes to how totally not pathetic Persephone is as a 30+ year old doing no work and only being obsessed with a guy she knew for a month. literal masterclass in awful writing. It's almost impressive how bad it is.

2. Deadass I don't even get why RS is like oh yeh nymphs and other creatures should be second class citizens but they're also all "trash" and thus its good and even encouraged to abuse and mistreat them. like yeah that's what was missing, racism where the marginalized group are evil and "deserve" to be abused and mistreated by those with all the power over them. THAT's what mythology was so sorely missing.  jfc. I know a lot of the WT staff are white people and so is Rachel but wtf???

3. It's quite funny how a woman old enough to be my mother cannot draw or write worth shit and there are literal teenagers on this website who are a thousand times the artist and writer she could ever hope to be.

4. This isn’t me trying to be mean but like, why is everything from the book covers to the official merch so ,.. cheap looking? Like these are supposed professionals, not Rachel, doing it, yet they’re still so poorly designed and crafted. It doesn’t help the images Rachel gives time to work with are all in the rushed, ugly style now either 😪

5. I just find it funny that every time an LO fan or even WT promotes it its like ... they ONLY use art from the first 10-ish episodes at best. Like yall, that was over four years ago, why aren't you using current art to be more accurate? Like it's kinda telling on themselves they know the quality declined rapidly after the first few months but are like "just ignore that! look at this three good panels from 2018!"

6. I HATE those panels where RS tries to be anatomically correct to IRL humans and its like omg they look even worse (and are still wildly wrong anyway?? She cannot draw heads to save her life for real). Like lady just work within your stylization, there's a reason people picked up your work off what it used to be versus what it is now.

7. this isnt necessarily LO based but I do find it crazy how people like RS and her fans viewed the original hymn like ugh Demeter is such a bitch why wouldnt she be happy Hades married her daughter like .... you guys are aware ancient brides tended to be married at 14, right? maybe that's why Demeter was pissed and creeped out by him. They're so blinded by their fantasy of this "perfect Hades" that never existed over the truth of a mother defending her literal CHILD.

8. Zeus is objectively the only hot man on cast because he actually has a personality, fashion sense, and pretty hair meanwhile Hades just looks like a dusty old man with zero drip and a million and one red flags 🫣

9. "This style of story telling" what style? just lying and making everything up to where it matches nothing in mythology? my god, she's so concerned over looking like a clever writer who has everything planned out and knows more than anyone else (including actual greeks??? ma'am) over actually telling a decent story. ive never seen someone so self conscious about being perceived as a "real writer" before.

10. Why even use mythology when you won't keep any of the stories true to how they were, change all the relationships, and just make up whatever else instead? At that point just go "this was inspired by the greek myths" and use your own OCs, not claiming you're telling an accurate story with a ton of research put into it. Rachel really just wants to have her cake and eat it too, huh?

[hideyseek]

6. 10, 11? For ur ao3 wrapped? Mehabs?

(im on mobile if something is weird. No it isnt)

bro ,,,,, im so sorry to report something was weird, i only saw this guy come in today he was not in my inbox before. apology for delay. but hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii yes thank you for the ask!!!!! of course i will answer i love to fucking TALK hehe :3

ao3 wrapped asks

6. Favorite title you used?

mmmm hehe. i'm gonna answer this based purely on title vibes as opposed to like "how well the title fits the fic" bc i wrote a bunch of shorter (to me) fics without a lot of internal thematic happenings that a title could reflect and so i don't really think of anything i published that a title is doing very much work.

i think my favorite title of anything published this year is i wish you the wind just because ah ... what a phrase! no idea what this means but it sounds so damn romantic to me! really has a flavor of like ... bittersweet farewell!

10. What work was the quickest to write?

mmm, haha. well, two answers to this i suppose. on one hand, there was keep me here which unfortunately i wrote in about one day from nothing (and therefore had approximately 12 minutes to revise) because i was determined to post SOMETHING for that day of kaze week 2023. but the first fic that came to mind (and perhaps the most accurate answer, time-wise) was my drabble from week 2 of inception wicked which came together in about three hours total drafting, but there was a span of several days (and truthfully several days that felt like several weeks lol) between me initially having the idea and sitting down to draft. but like, to be fair, it is about 400 words so revising goes exponentially quicker. truly this shocked even me, though i guess really what this means is i already was primed with a bunch of subconscious thoughts about the dynamic in this fic lol. (you can read it here on the gdoc with the other fics from that week! bc i haven't gotten around to posting on ao3 yet lol. content warnings for: semi-explicit sexual content, fantasizing about a married couple, voyeurism)

11. What work took you the longest to write?

hmm ... i don't know if there's a winner for anything i published, tbh. most of the rest of the kaze week fics from january kind of came together in a span of 3-5 days depending on the fic, and most of the other drabbles for both events came together in about the alotted week. so instead i'm going to gleefully misinterpret this question so i can talk about my beloved unpublished nemesis project, narrative!fic :3

i hate that guy! (<- said extremely lovingly) i probably earnestly worked on this fic for ... 4 or 5 months of this year? had a nice breakthrough for some story logic in august / september ish, outlined from that through october, and wrote pretty diligently for most of november. (i did tell my roommate fully two years ago, "hey you need to watch kazetsuyo so i can make you betaread this fic i'm writing at the end of the year, i'll watch star trek with you in exchange". that was literally 2021 lmao. they have not yet seen a draft bc there has not been a draft worth having anybody else look at yet.)

i think the thing that has made the process of drafting narrative!fic so long is really just that, for the last two-ish years, narrative!fic wasn't actually a story to me, so much as it was a project into which i dumped all my post-college facing-the-future feelings and loosely tied up with a string called "i'm sure i can make haiji go through this as well". but then, due to various life events in april of this year, suddenly i came back to the draft and it was like: oh. ohhh, okay. i can see how this can be a story, actually. this is about haiji, as a character, as opposed to haiji, as a semi-direct proxy for myself. and then over the next few months i cut out a ton of stuff and reworked his main arc and now it's like ... a story, instead of just a bunch of feelings and events. which, truly, is only my personal marker for what i was looking for from the project. like, i personally want a separation of my own experiences from what is in my fic, i want to be thinking about developments in the fic as narrative choices the story requires rather than as alternatives to how my own life could have gone. (which ultimately may well be the same thing but its the headspace im in, for me).

and i think the other part is just -- i didn't know how to write! i mean, obviously i know how to string words into a sentence lol. but a LOT of i guess the first two years of drafting and then setting all the drafted stuff aside to start again from scratch like four times over, was me learning to like, figure out my own longfic writing process. (big sobbing emoji, lmao. i remember in my youth reading about maggie stiefvater having 200k of unused draft material for one of the trc books and i was like, how??? and now i am like: yeah. unfortunately i get it. not that my tossed-out drafter material is of that specific magnitude. but there is a lot of it, goddamn.) and now that i've got at least an initial / foundational sense of it, the hardest part is only actually sitting down and writing. (i say as if this is not also, extremely challenging for me lol). so uh, i guess i'll say here "maybe this time next year i'll really have a full draft of narrative!fic", and. we'll see how that goes :3

[genderfluidtechnoblade]

while i’m thinking about it and in a fighty mood, i have demands of the mcsr community- we’ve got to stop letting the whitewashing of illumina slide.

in case you didn’t know- you genuinely may not have, it’s not really something he talks about often -illumina is indigenous canadian. he used to have his emotes and skin be a lighter color, but recently-ish, started having his official content reflect his actual skin tone. this is his minecraft skin:

he’s noticeably brown! his more recent emotes also depict him with this skintone. this is consistent with the images we have of his actual face- his lighting is usually garbage, but you can tell he isnt pale. in addition, he doesn’t have a button nose, which some people depict him with if they don’t draw his mask.

the amount of art i see of illumina where he’s paler than me, a white person who does not go outside literally ever, is unacceptable, especially when looking at the notes count. i think there needs to be a concentrated effort from mcsrblr here to inform artists that illumina is not white, he is not light skinned, and he should not be depicted as such, and we also need to stop supporting this kind of artwork- it’s not acceptable to have whitewashed art get hundreds of notes.

tldr; illumina isn’t white, and he has brown skin! politely tell artists if they whitewash illumina, stop liking/reblogging whitewashed art, and overall let’s have a more biblically accurate illumina :3

[wonwoonlight]

📣: Wonwoo // enemies to lovers-ish i guess // angst?????? but not rly no // somewhat fluffy too // 6000~ words hahahahhahahahhahah this isnt a drabble

A/N: thank you for the request, anon! just to be clear, this fic doesnt give an accurate representation of memory loss bc i tried researching but it doesnt... really tell abt what i was looking for so, yeah. also, the way med school works here is like uni, which is why wonwoo's break is a bit long so if the med school in ur country doesnt work that way pls ignore lol but tbh the med school background isnt rly important here. im gonna write a long ass AN at a different post abt this fic so if you feel like seeing me rant, you're welcome to do so <3 enjoy :D

find the rest of requested drabble here

For someone who claims to hate you, Wonwoo knows quite a few things about you more than he’d like to admit.

One, he knows you live alone because the reason you’re here is to pursue your medical degree (and get a job too, obviously). Two, he knows you’re the closest to Park Chaeyoung, a Korean by blood who’s lived outside the country more than inside; Wonwoo figures the both of you find comfort in each other for being foreigners. Three, he also knows the only reason you’re hostile towards each other is because you simply started off at the wrong foot and refuses to be civil with each other quite immediately after that.

Lastly, he knows there’s just no way he’s called in the middle of the night by the hospital for you because you ask for him.

Wonwoo stares at the doctor in front of him with eyes wide open, glancing at you who’s fast asleep on the bed. You’ve fallen back asleep after asking for him, the nurse in charge quickly going through your phone to look for a ‘Jeon Wonwoo’ and has someone notify him about it.

“What do you mean she’s lost her memories?” he asks once again, not believing what he just hears even though the way your head is wrapped with bandage says enough.

The doctor explains how you hit your head to the side of the road because of some irresponsible cyclist going too fast, eventually bumping into you and then fell down on you after losing his balance. Your body doesn’t sustain any major injury, but your head has taken the fall for colliding into the stone brick firsthand.

“Is it…bad?” he asks, his mind busy recalling the few stuffs he’s read about amnesia even though he has never actually learned it himself.

“Apparently, she forgets the events of the last few months to almost a year before,” the doctor patiently answers. “It’s all a blur, she tells me. But she doesn’t completely forget everything, just that she forgets a lot of details.”

After another half an hour of telling Wonwoo stuffs that he thinks the guy should know, the doctor finally leaves, telling him to take care and ‘have strength’ because you can still have your memory back even though it might take a few months at least.

He sits down on the chair next to your bed, looking at you as he wonders why did you not ask to call for Chaeyoung. Though it wouldn’t make any difference, Wonwoo thinks. He knows the girl is back in Australia for the semester break and he could only imagine what she’d do if she finds out.

He sighs, figuring he’d have to notify her too one way or another.

[01:03 AM] Jeon Wonwoo: SOS. Text me when you’re available to talk.

[05:54 AM] Park Chaeyoung: ??? r u drunk

[05:54 AM] Park Chaeyoung: is2g if you’re making up shit

This is going to be one long semester break.

“What the fuck do you mean she lost her memories?” Chaeyoung curses from the other end.

“I mean just that,” Wonwoo sighs in annoyance, though he does feel bad for her. “Apparently, she asks for me and that’s why I’m here.”

“Why on earth would she ask for you?”

“How am I supposed to know?” he huffs, slightly lifting up the curtain to see the sun barely up. It’s somewhere around 6 in the morning, Wonwoo has just woken up from his uncomfortable sleep with his neck and waist screaming in pain from sleeping on a chair. When he comes to, he checks his phone only to see Chaeyoung replying to his text and figures he should deliver the news and be done with it. “She probably doesn’t remember she hates me.”

On the other line, Chaeyoung goes silent and Wonwoo lets her be. He knows this kind of news isn’t easy to take, even more when she’s literally in another continent and can’t just come back to help the person she considers her own sister.

Before neither of them can say anything more, you groan in your sleep, making Wonwoo turn to you. He quickly tells Chaeyoung that you’re waking up, and he can hear her sniffles a little before softly asking him to take care of you, the softest she has ever spoken to him. So Wonwoo says yes and hangs up.

Wonwoo keeps quiet for a moment, just in case you’re going to go back to sleep right after. But you sluggishly open your eyes, eventually looking up at him as you try to sit on your bed. Wonwoo comes closer to help you, avoiding your eyes because he’s never been this close to you before and it’s flustering him for no reason at all.

“How are you feeling?” he decides to say and sits down on the chair near you. “Head okay?”

You nod a little, thanking him when he hands you water to drink. “You’re… Wonwoo, right?”

There’s an unexpected sting in him at your question and your unsure gaze. It must’ve been frustrating, knowing you should know this and that but you don’t. “Yeah. They called me but you’re already sleep when I arrived.”

“I’m… I’m sorry if we’re not close or anything,” you fidget, and Wonwoo actually feels bad seeing you so… small. This isn’t you; you’re supposed to roll your eyes at him, glare at him when you can’t come up with a good come back, or give him that annoying triumphant grin when you get the last words. “But you’re the first name that rings in my head so I ask the nurse for you.”

There’s an awkward smile in his face, but Wonwoo tries his best to hold it back so you won’t be even more uncomfortable because, even though he never experiences it himself for obvious reasons, he knows it must’ve been scary to you. You don’t even know who he is, but now you’re looking at him like he’s the only one that can help.

“It’s okay,” he reassures you. “Are you really okay? Should I call for the nurse?”

“Just a little lightheaded,” you tell him honestly. So Wonwoo does exactly that, all the while listening carefully to what the nurse says when she’s examining you.

Not long after that, your doctor comes in to check up on you. He says something about not being too worried, because it might be short-term and you might get your memories back sooner rather than later. You look scared, Wonwoo notices, but he can see you visibly relax when you catch his eyes and he sends you an encouraging smile.

“I… need to go back and wash up,” he tells you after the doctor leaves. You look at him with uncertainty, as if afraid to be left alone without him by your side. It’s not a look that Wonwoo would ever imagine coming from you to him, but his heart warms a little at it. “I’ll be quick, I promise. And then I’ll come back and we can talk about stuffs that might help you jog your memory back, okay?”

You nod, because you also feel bad for keeping Wonwoo here when, by the looks of it, he’s not even your closest friend or anything. You’re sure he’d freak out more if he was your close friend or, dare you assume, boyfriend. But Wonwoo is calm and has just looked more confused and a little uncomfortable.

At least he looks like he wants to help, you think to yourself.

Wonwoo stays true to his words, already appearing back in your room not an hour later, and takes the seat near your bed.

“Okay, um…” he begins hesitantly. “What do you want to know first?”

“We aren’t close, are we?” you shoot straight to it, the most certain you’ve ever been since you come to.

“Well, no, I wouldn’t say,” he answers truthfully. “We go to the same med school, share some classes, umm… We… talk from time to time, but not to the point where we’re close.”

For now, he decides that’s the best he can tell you. You already look scared and lost as it is, there’s no use in telling you the nature of your relationship. He’s been thinking about it during the short while he’s not in the hospital; how much shittier would you feel if you find out the first person that you seek isn’t even your…friend?

“How did we meet?” you ask curiously. You wonder if you used to have a crush on Wonwoo before and are just too shy to do anything about it. Surely, if someone like him is in your class he would at least serve as your eye candy, right? Plus, he’s kind enough to accompany you like this when you’re just…acquaintance, apparently.

Wonwoo chuckles awkwardly, remembering how that’s exactly why you both went down the wrong road, still going at each other’s throat until this very moment.

“I, uhh, I wasn’t looking and you were in a hurry so we kinda bumped into each other and I might’ve spilled my coffee all over you,” he scratches his head, unsure how this version of you would take it.

Surprisingly, you let out a small laugh that sends a handful of butterflies in his stomach. “What a meeting. Your impression must’ve been strong to me.”

He shifts in his seat uncomfortably, then changes the topic just so you won’t start asking about how it goes from there. He talks about the little things he knows of Chaeyoung, someone that you also only remember by name, and then promises to video call her when you’re ready, and he talks about school stuffs, some you recall, though mostly not.

“Have you checked your phone?” he asks, only know realizing your phone is intact on the table.

“No,” you look down to your lap. “I’m… afraid.”

“Because you might not remember everything?” he asks pitifully. All this time, the only side of you that Wonwoo’s familiar with is your snarky side; one that’s skeptical and confident, not unsure and afraid like this. Seeing you like this is weird, not because he’s not used to it, but because he can feel something stirring inside him at the sight of your hunched figure.

At your nod, Wonwoo offers to accompany you look through it if you want, that he would try to help if he can even though he might not be much of help if it’s not about friends from school. So you agree, and Wonwoo is able to help more than he thinks he could; he’s able to tell you about the class you enjoy most and ones that you don’t really care for, able to tell you about your habit of drinking iced (‘it has to be iced, I’ve never seen you with anything hot,’ he says) coffee for your first class no matter what time it starts, able to tell you about some friends that you’d sometimes hang out with.

“You do know quite a lot about me, huh?” you ask jokingly, not knowing the way Wonwoo’s heart jolts at this particular tone you usually use at him everytime you beat him on Professor Jung’s exam. He can vividly picture it in his head, the way you’d walk past his table to say something along the line of ‘looks like someone’s barely passing, huh?’.

Wonwoo knows what makes his heart jumps isn’t only that, though, it’s the fact that he doesn’t even realize he knows this much about you. Has he actually been paying attention to you?

He shakes the thought away, and the nurse comes in with your lunch just in time to stop your conversation. There’s watermelon on your fruit plate, and you hand it to him because you don’t like it. Wonwoo scoots closer to your bed, eating your fruit as you talk some more over your lunch.

It is only when you’ve finished eating that Wonwoo realizes he actually likes this—talking to you over meals with no hostility in between.

He wonders if it’d be like this if he’d just said sorry that time and helped you clean up instead of fighting you back.

A week later, you’re already discharged from the hospital with Wonwoo in tow.

“You ready to go home?” he asks, and the sentence feels more intimate for no reason at all that Wonwoo averts his gaze from you to his phone almost immediately.

“Can’t stay here forever, can I?” you ask back, which makes him chuckle at the spark of familiarity. Being with you almost 24/7 for a week, Wonwoo has learned that your sarcastic way of speaking is just the way you normally speak.

When you both arrive in your apartment (Wonwoo gets the passcode from Chaeyoung who shares the apartment with you), the space suddenly feels too big for you and it’s overwhelming. It’s also sad, because this place used to be your home, it should be familiar—and even though it doesn’t feel foreign, it doesn’t feel like home right now.

You roam around to your room, and then peek through Chaeyoung’s from the door, hoping something will hit you, but nothing really stands out and it’s more than frustrating.

“Hey, don’t force it too much,” Wonwoo finally says after a while, noticing the way your fingers are digging into your palms. “How about we video call Chaeyoung now? Didn’t you say you want to go home first before finally calling her?”

You turn to Wonwoo who’s standing near the sofa, and you nod before sitting down there with him. “She… she won’t be mad that I don’t remember her, right?”

“Oh, [Y/N],” he calls your name gently. “She’s literally your closest friend here, okay? And she’s been so worried that she texts me everyday to make sure you’re okay. She’s been wanting to call you too, but she’s refrained from doing so because I told her you’re not ready yet.”

For the next two hours, Wonwoo simply watches you talk to Chaeyoung from the side. At first, the both of you are crying—Chaeyoung, because she’s too worried, and you, because Chaeyoung is crying—and Wonwoo’s pretty sure he would’ve mocked you for it if this was the old you, but right now he just feels bad and he comes to the conclusion that he doesn’t like seeing you cry.

Not the tiniest bit.

He has to hold himself back from wiping your tears, settling for handing you tissues and a glass of water instead.

“I’m okay, I promise,” you tell her when the call is about to end, relieved that you don’t completely forget about some memories Chaeyoung has been sharing with you. “Just a little dizzy now, maybe because you help me recall a little. The doctor says it’s normal.”

“We’ll talk some more later or tomorrow, okay?” Wonwoo hears her say. “I have to go in a bit and I’m not sure when I’ll be back. Don’t forget to take care!”

You chuckle a little, something at the back of your mind tells you Chaeyoung has always been this kind of friend and you’re relieved at the recollection. “Yes. Wonwoo’s here with me too, so I’ll be okay,” you shyly say, missing the way Wonwoo widens his eyes while Chaeyoung coughs to hide her reaction before eventually hanging up.

“Should we order pizza?” Wonwoo asks before things get awkward. “You know, to celebrate your homecoming?”

You laugh at his choice of words, but nod anyway. Pizza with Wonwoo doesn’t sound so—

“Why are you here?” you frown at Wonwoo, the guy simple shrugs as he annoyingly bites into his pizza. “You don’t even like pizzas!”

“Who says?” he rises his eyebrows. “I loooove pizza. And who am I to say no to Seungkwan’s free food?”

Beside him, someone sends you an apologetic look, mouthing an apology and a promise to make it up for you.

“You invited him, didn’t you?” you turn to someone else.

“Does it matter who invites me?” Wonwoo chirps in. “Just sit down and eat.”

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Wonwoo quickly holds your shoulders as you wince at the sudden wave of memory. “Did you remember something again?”

You weakly nod, the pounding in your head won’t stop and you can barely see Wonwoo’s worried eyes.

“Do you… do you know a Seungkwan?” you ask once the headache dies down.

“I—yeah, he’s, uh, kind of close with everyone,” he answers. “Did you… get to remember him?”

You shake your head, taking the water from his hand. “Not really, no. But, have we… eaten pizzas? With Seungkwan?”

Wonwoo hesitates for a second, but he eventually nods and tells you yes.

He still remembers that day because it’s hasn’t been that long ago; Seungkwan has called some people over for pizza night as a celebration of the semester ending. Wonwoo has told him no at first, telling him he wants to sleep for a week straight and his social battery is practically nonexistent. But when he hears from Mingyu you’re coming, he has quickly made his way over just to bother you even though he doesn’t even feel like eating pizza then.

“It hasn’t been that long ago,” he honestly tells you. “Only 2 weeks ago at most.”

He’s met with silence, there’s a frown on your face as you try to put the puzzles together in your mind. Your words and Wonwoo’s from the memory ring endlessly; are you… not in a good relationship with Wonwoo? But he’s been so kind to you the past week?

He barely even leaves your room if not because of the visiting hour and because he needs to come home and wash up.

That doesn’t make sense at all.

“Do you want to lay down and take a nap maybe?” he asks, still worried. What else could you possibly remember now?

At your nod, Wonwoo helps you to your room, asking you if you still feel like eating pizzas or if he should order something else. But you shake your head and tells him pizza should be fine, that you just need to lay down for a while because your head feels heavy.

When you wake up again, Wonwoo isn’t in your room. You walk out to find him asleep on the sofa, his arms crossed in front of his chest and his head uncomfortably leans back on the head rest. You slowly make your way to sit next to him in hope your weight wouldn’t wake him up; it doesn’t, but Wonwoo grunts before turning a little to you.

There’s a part of you that wants to ask Chaeyoung what’s the nature of your and Wonwoo’s relationship, but would it be too much? Just because of one memory?

But didn’t Wonwoo say it has just been roughly two weeks ago? Then why were you questioning his presence to the point where your friend—Seungkwan? was it? —has to apologize for Wonwoo being there? Didn’t Wonwoo say you were just…acquaintances?

You look up right when Wonwoo’s starting to wake up, he groggily opens his eyes and you don’t even realize you’ve been sitting so close to him that his face is right in front of yours. He blinks a few times, as if trying to figure out why your face is so close to his, but you quickly stand up and walk to the kitchen.

“When did you wake up?” he asks instead with a yawn. “Is your head better?”

“Not too long ago,” You nod at him as you return with the pizza box. “Definitely better. Did I sleep for long?”

Wonwoo looks at his phone before answering you. “Maybe an hour or so. You’re really feeling better?” he asks again, noticing the conflicted expression on your face.

You nod again to reassure him, and when Wonwoo softly mumbles to himself he’s glad you’re feeling better, you decide you’re not going to pry about your relationship with him. However it was between the two of you, it shouldn’t be bad enough if he’s right here with you, right?

If it’s that bad, he wouldn’t continuously try his best to take care of you since day 1, right?

Maybe it was just those friendly fights, you try to convince yourself. Maybe you just enjoyed arguing with him and he, you.

Yeah.

That must be it.

The week after that, Wonwoo says going to school might be a good idea because you spend a lot of time there, and you need to go to administration to officially take a semester break, anyway.

You take a deep breath once you get off the bus with Wonwoo, both hoping you’ll remember and afraid just in case nothing happens.

“You’ll be fine,” Wonwoo squeezes your shoulder. “Don’t force it, okay?”

It’s something that he often says to you, because he knows you often try to force the memory out by staring at something that seemingly important to you. This does nothing but frustrates you and, more often than not, you just end up with a useless headache.

“You’re already remembering a lot too, aren’t you?” he says, reminding you it’s okay to take it slow.

“Yeah, but there are still a lot of missing pieces and sometimes I’d either dream or suddenly think of people with blurry faces,” you pout. “It’s scary.”

“You still have those dreams?” he frowns, you’ve told him about it a couple times before and he remembers how disturbed you are even though it should be a good thing that your memories are coming back little by little.

You nod, absentmindedly linking your arm with his as you walk to the building. Wonwoo blinks at the touch, but doesn’t have the heart to move away nor even comment about it so he lets you be.

He likes it, anyway.

“Oh?” someone exclaims from afar, calling you both loudly as he makes his way to where you’re at. “Well, aren’t you two cozy,” Mingyu grins when he notices the way you’re holding on to Wonwoo.

The sight of Mingyu alone seems to trigger something within you, though, and you stagger back at the sudden wave of pain. Wonwoo quickly puts his arm around your waist to hold your weight, and Mingyu looks at him in panic, not having any idea about your condition.

“Well, don’t you look cozy in your hoodie,” Mingyu says from beside you.

“Don’t you shut up ever?” you glare at Mingyu.

“No. It’s a part of my charm,” he grins shamelessly. “Why? You like the quiet type more?”

You roll your eyes at his words, trying to step away from him. “I like people who’s not associated with Jeon fucking Wonwoo. So, obviously, I don’t like you. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

You walk away from Mingyu, but he quickly catches up, easily falling back into steps with you. “Do you know that you two actually match each other really well? Wouldn’t be surprised if you end up dating once you decided to end this dumb feud.”

“And I wouldn’t be surprised either if my shoe ends up in your mouth,” you glare at him once again.

Mingyu puts his hands up in surrender, though the teasing grin in his face doesn’t falter. “You owe me Chaeyoung’s number if you end up with him!”

“I’m okay,” you say once you’re able to get back to your feet. So many thoughts are swirling in your mind and you’re pretty sure your head doesn’t only hurt because of the memory rush but due to the revelation that you’re still denying.

Are you really in bad terms with Wonwoo…? Wonwoo, who has been with you for almost a month now, taking care of you days and nights? Wonwoo, who makes dumb jokes out of nowhere and never forgets to tell you to slow down and rest?

You look up at his worried face, a frown in his face with his arm protectively around your figure. There’s nothing but worry and concern in his eyes, so why…?

“Should we just go home?” he asks instead, and you can feel the arm around you tightening a little. You glance at Mingyu behind him, too speechless to say anything.

“No, we should at least take care of my break,” you tell him as you try to step away from him a little.

Wonwoo’s face subtly falls at your movement, but he quickly nods and figures you’re just disoriented. He points at where you’re supposed to go, telling you to go first because he needs to talk to Mingyu about something.

Any other day, you would’ve waited for him because he seems to be the only certainty in your blurry life and it’s a little scary to be doing things without him. But today’s not any other day and you actually do need time alone to collect your thoughts no matter how short.

All the time you’ve spent with Wonwoo seems to make you forget Wonwoo wasn’t even your friend when he first came through the hospital door. He was just a classmate, you have assumed—a colleague. He himself said you weren’t close.

You remember wondering about the nature of your relationship with Wonwoo before, and you’ve closed the possibility of him being someone you don’t like because he was, still is, taking care of you earnestly.

Some memories regarding him have been coming back too, if you’re being honest. But you didn’t tell him because you were always arguing with each other in those memories, they didn’t last long enough for you to get the context of it; but almost every fight was childish by nature which is why you have just assumed that’s how your friendship with him was.

But now that you think about it, Wonwoo wouldn’t have been as uncomfortable at first if you’re actually a close enough friends that can argue with each other without getting hurt.

Maybe you’d have to call Chaeyoung tonight.

“Hey, careful!” Wonwoo pulls you to his side, concern written all over his face and it’s only now that you realize you almost bump into the pillar in front of you if not for him. “Are you really okay?”

The worry in his voice is clear, and yet you suddenly doubt everything about him after the episode earlier. You try to rationalize with yourself; even if you were in bad terms with him before, that doesn’t erase the fact that he’s been restlessly taking care of you when no one else could, does it?

Furthermore, doesn’t it just say about how good of a person he actually is if he’s taking care of someone he doesn’t like?

You flinch at the thought. What does he think of you, really?

Should you just ask him instead of calling Chaeyoung?

You don’t realize when Wonwoo moves to face you. But when you do realize, his palms are gently cupping your cheeks to search your eyes thoroughly, and you look back at him, trying to see if there’s any deceit in his eyes. He can’t be faking it to this extend, can he?

What do you know about Wonwoo, anyway?

You frown at the sudden thought. Yes, Wonwoo has been taking care of you greatly all these times, but do you actually know him?

“I’m—I’m fine,” you answer him at last, your hand goes to hold his for a second before letting go. “Let’s just finish this and… I want to go home.”

Wonwoo lets go of you and nods, biting his lips at the way you’re suddenly avoiding his gaze.

Did you remember? But it’s been only roughly a month? Doesn’t it usually take months to recover loss memories?

Most importantly, why does it scare him?

📷

It’s two weeks after that day and you’re still too afraid to confront him. But it is a fact that sometimes you become too conscious around him, and Wonwoo probably notices this even though he doesn’t say anything about it.

Even so, his genuine concern and the way he earnestly takes care of you still brings butterflies to your stomach, often prompting your heart to run a little faster than normal when he’s too close and his fingers slightly brush yours.

It is only when Wonwoo texts you he can’t come today because he’s promised Mingyu a long time ago to go somewhere with him on semester break, that you realize you’re almost always with Wonwoo ever since you woke up from that concussion.

You try to count back to the day of the small accident; it’s been roughly a month since then and the few times you spent your day without him can be counted with your fingers. Almost everyday he’s by your side even when he doesn’t need to—like when you met up with Seungkwan in hope he’ll be able to jog something within you, or when you went to the places Chaeyoung has mentioned to be your favorites, even when it’s midnight and you couldn’t sleep because the blurry faces are haunting you.

You still remember that night vividly even when you fell asleep without you knowing. You woke up because of another blurry memories, head pounding and heart beating fast out of fear. It was hard to fall back asleep after that, so you had texted him just to see if he’s awake—and he was.

He called you almost immediately, talked to you on the phone about this game he’s been obsessing over and how you should try it, about how Soonyoung, his roommate, had been nagging him because he’s always at your place and that meant Soonyoung had no one to accompany him eat during dinner. He had just laughed it off, though, and you can still remember how your heart fluttered when Wonwoo jokingly said he’d rather eat with you than his roommate, anyway.

That went on until somewhere around 2 in the morning, with you falling asleep somewhere along the way. You wake up to Wonwoo’s text telling you to call him if the nightmare comes back.

You sigh to yourself. Why is the whole thing with Wonwoo so complicated? Why can’t you just pretend this is how it’s meant to be and accept your feeling towards him regardless of how it was before when you couldn’t even remember?

But you know it’s not that easy—know that Wonwoo knows how it was before and you’re not sure what to make of him being aware of your supposedly ‘bad’ relationship while still doing…this.

Is he just being kind? Maybe he feels bad about your situation and wants to make up for whatever he did before even when you don’t remember?

The only thing that you know is you don’t dare to assume he’s developing feelings for you like you are for him and you hate yourself for it.

You mess your head out of frustration, walking to the kitchen to see if the fridge has anything that might cheer you up a little. There are three cans of beers, you notice, you haven’t touched alcohol at all since the accident. You hesitate a little before eventually bringing them all out with you to the living room. You don’t even know how much you can drink, but surely you won’t get drunk over canned beers, right?

“What the fuck!” you gasp in shock at the cold beverage against your skin, seeping in through your shirt. “Do you not have eyes or something?”

The guy in front of you looks just as shocked, but quickly frowns when he registers your words. “Isn’t it you who was dashing through the corridor without looking?”

You scoff at his words, eyes throwing daggers at this guy who you don’t even know. “Wow, not even a sorry. What a gentleman.”

“Why should I be sorry when it’s you who bumped into me?” he scoffs back, which irritates you even more because isn’t it you who’s the victim here? Having been drenched in coffee first thing in the morning?

“Jeon Wonwoo!” someone calls from behind you, the guy glances at the name, but quickly turns to lock your gaze again just to annoy you further. Of course, guys with decent looks are always assholes.

“I will fucking remember you, Jeon Wonwoo,” you whisper under your breath before turning to leave. You will get back at him.

“[Y/N]!” Wonwoo calls to you once again, trying to shake you awake on his lap.

That’s how he found you when he comes in, passed out on the floor with empty canned bears on the table. Chaeyoung has worriedly called him earlier, telling him you’re not taking her calls nor checking her messages. It’s 8 in the morning on a Saturday, but Wonwoo quickly goes to your place when you’re not answering his calls either.

“That dumbass,” Chaeyoung has said over the phone when he calls to say you’re passed out most likely from beers. “Her body can’t take alcohol.”

After that, she has told him to prepare your usual hungover remedy and that he should try to wake you up; you’ll probably throw up and he would need to help that, too.

When you wake up, your head’s pounding and your throat is itching. You can hear someone calling you, but not conscious enough to register who. The next thing you know, you’re running to the bathroom to throw your guts up.

Wonwoo worriedly follows you, holding your hair to the side as his other hand rubs your back. His warmth comforts you, but you’re still not done throwing up to properly collect your thoughts.

Once you’re done, Wonwoo leaves to get you aspirin and water while you wash up a little. You warily make your way to the living room after that, taking a deep breath before stepping out of the bathroom.

“Here, take this,” he says when you’re close enough, handing you the medicine. “I ordered the hungover stew earlier and it should arrive soon, Chaeyoung says you usually have it after drinking too much.”

You don’t say anything, simply bite the inside of your cheek as you take the aspirin from him. Wonwoo doesn’t seem to notice you silence, too worried out of his mind.

“Why did you even drink?” he frowns at you. “Do you know how worried I was seeing you passed out on the floor?”

You still don’t answer, your mind bursting with thoughts. It is then that Wonwoo realizes you’ve been keeping your words and softly calls your name in confusion.

“Why?” you say for the first time. Wonwoo simply looks at you with a silent question, not getting it. Your head still hurts and you’re probably not in a good enough condition to talk about this, but the sudden surge of bravery is something that you can’t ignore. “Why… have you been helping me?”

His breath turns heavy at your question, already able to put things together by the way you’re talking to him. “Did you… remember?” he asks instead, blunt nails digging into his palms.

You shake your head; your eyes are stinging as you suddenly feel like crying. “I—yes? No, I—I don’t know, maybe? But… but I, I remember our first meeting and a few other arguments and—”

Wonwoo quickly stands up to embrace you as you gasp for air and tears flood your eyes. He can feel the way your fingers are gripping his shirt as you cry, probably too overwhelmed with everything.

You’re not sure what comforts you the most: is it his arms around you? Or is it the way he’s whispering comfort to your ear? Or is it the way his hand is endlessly caressing your hair?

Once your tears die down, Wonwoo leans back a little to see your face. Something inside him twists at your puffed eyes and the way you’re hiccupping after crying far too long for his liking. He gently sits you down on the sofa, handing you water.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” he asks, there’s no use in hiding it anymore if you remember everything—at least the part about him—now.

You nod shakily, a little disappointed at the way Wonwoo’s sitting further than he usually does, though you get that he might be doing that for you.

He explains everything as best as he can, how he knows it must’ve been scary for you and how it would do you no good if the first person you seem to recall enough turns to be your enemy. He talks about how, at first, he takes care of you because he feels bad, but it wasn’t out of pity—he can tell you were scared and frustrated, and he doesn’t wish for you to go through this alone no matter how it was between the two of you before.

You listen to every single one of his words, heart stinging a little when he says he’s doing it because he feels bad. Who are you kidding? Of course, that’s why, the only reason there’s even an opening for you to feel something for him was because you have lost a chunk of your memories. Else, now you know it would be the same between the two of you.

The thought doesn’t comfort you, though. You think once you remember for sure what’s the nature of your relationship with him, everything would be clear to you.

And you definitely don’t think that, once you remember how bad it was between the two of you, the feeling that you’ve developed over the month would stay. You’ve never imagined you’d crave for his proximity, wish for him to continue talk to you like he usually would during the time he was taking care of you.

Would he back away from you now that you remember about him?

“Please don’t think I’m treating you like a charity case,” his words cut through your train of thoughts. “I’m—yes, at first I just felt bad, but now I’m just taking care of you because I want to, okay?”

“What—what do you mean by that?” you shakily ask, heart beating so hard that you can hear it loud and clear.

Wonwoo hesitates for a moment before eventually dives for it. “I… I don’t want to go back to how it was between us before just because you remember.”

“I… don’t want to either,” you whisper softly, making his breath caught in his throat. “I—I like being with you, Wonwoo.”

There’s a teasing smile in his face, but you can tell that his eyes are genuine without a hint of jokes. “Confessing already, are we?”

You chuckle a little at his attempt to lighten the mood, hitting his arm slightly which makes Wonwoo finally smiles at you, too.

“Just kidding. I like being with you too,” he genuinely says as he meets your eyes. “We really just started off the wrong way and refused to give each other a chance, huh?”

“How stupid, right?” you say with a laugh. “Takes me a concussion to give you a chance.”

For a moment, silence envelopes the both of you as you stare into each other’s eyes. There’s a quiet understanding between the two of you; how he’ll still be there to help you recover more of your memories, how you agree to let go of that first meeting, and how you both would slowly go through the path in front of you together after this.

It’s quiet and it’s comfortable, so you bask in his gaze and he, yours. What finally breaks the silence between the two of you is Wonwoo’s phone ringing to notify an incoming text. He looks at it, and then tells you your stew has arrived downstairs.

“I’ll just… go get it,” he says as he stands up. “Don’t go anywhere, okay?”

You laugh at his remarks, his mind probably stopped working after the emotional outburst earlier because he doesn’t even realize what he’s just said. You hold back the urge to be sarcastic, instead nodding at him with a smile that sends butterfly flying in his stomach.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved.

[noritoshiikamo]

worth my time

pairing: noritoshi kamo + fem!oc genre: porn (is fingering enough to call it porn??) without plot ish??? tags//warning: established relationship // slight smut???, fingering, emotional drained reader, reader dated character but then forced into arranged marriage and doubt the whole rs note: unedited, lowercase intended, just me and my nori brainrot dont mind the plotholes and everythingn, its not accurate according to the manga/anime like i just wanna feed myself and i haven't write in ages pls sent some ideas so i can get my lazy brain going, english isnt my first language im sorry if i murder it  directory: read the first part | second part | third part | bonus

“how long have you known?”

noritoshi shrugged, bringing the cup of tea to his lips. the way he took time to answer her question drove her mad. “noritoshi, how long?” her voice strained. “would it make any difference if i’d known today or 10 years ago?”

her eyes shot wide opened, “10 fucking years?”

a small smile appeared on his lips as he lowered the cup, “hypothetically.” she grabbed one of the pillows from the pile on the bed and threw it to his face, embedded with what little left of her jujutsu power. they have been going on for hours and she was clearly too stubborn to let it go. it was clearly weak; he dodged it with a flick of his wrist switching the pillow’s trajectory. “you’re a fucking asshole,” she gritted through her teeth, falling on bed as wave of anger and sadness crashed through. “you think i wanted an arranged marriage? you think i like having every aspect of my life set since i was a child and scrutinized? i’m a bastard sitting on a throne. unlike you gojou clan, i had it much worst.”

she pulled her hair, fighting the tears that was already streaming down, “it’s not a competition. we are in the same school, i sat next to you for years and you’re telling me you have no idea that i’m your future wife, bullshit!” her eyes flickered as she threw the next close thing within her power’s vicinity; a vase. something hit the vase midway, breaking it into ashes and she watched as a drop of blood stained the floor. he broke it with his power. “you can throw every single thing in this room, y/n, but it doesn’t stop the fact that we are already married.” it was that one sentence that completely broke her. falling on her knees, she let a cry out, clutching on her chest as she cried to her heart’s content. this can’t be happening to me, no, no, no, her mind echoed as she forced herself to surrender to the fact that they are married. it’s not something easy to undo. it pained him to see her like this, but his wife needs to understand that he could do nothing about it. she cried for what seems to be like hours, the sleeves of her yukata wet from the tears and sweat. she fell on the floor to her knees, resting her body against the bed before finally looking up to meet her husband’s eyes. he could see defeat in her tired eyes. “we dated each other,” she sniffled, “was that real or was it just you scouting for your future wife?” her words sound like venom to him “i know you won’t believe me, but it was real. i would still marry you even if the marriage isn’t arranged.” noritoshi stood up, his barefoot echoed on the floor as he walked to his weakened wife. her body was hot, he suspected the skipping (refusing to eat) meals, raging and throwing tantrums after another had put her body in so much stress. he reached for the sash, trying to undo her yukata and she freaked out. grabbing his wrist, she shook her head, “what are you doing?” she asked shakily. “would you listen to me for once? you need a cold shower, you’re burning up, it would help.” she stopped fighting. his tone was a mixed of annoyance and tired. dating him made her realized that noritoshi has a high level of patience; but not right now. letting go of his wrist, she slipped the yukata off her shoulder herself, whined about how she disliked cold shower below her breath. he wore a small smile as he hoisted the naked girl up. it’s a small victory on noritoshi the husband, he’ll savor it for now. 

the girl kneeled on the floor of the shower as noritoshi slowly ran the shower head slowly up her body. her arms wrapped tightly against her chest; she cursed every time the cold water reached new part of her body. ignoring the fact that his yukata was getting wetter, he kneeled behind her and let her rest her back against his chest. with the shower gel, his body froze every time she whined at his touch. something about the way she whined under his touches made him weak. he wants to kiss her stupid face so badly. “it’s cold,” she mumbled, her eyes closed as he ran his palm against her stomach. he pressed a kiss on the side of her face, “better?” he asked as his hand travelled lower. her eyes widened. he continued his kisses, down her jawline and her neck, bruising every spot as his fingers traced a lazy circle on her clit. she moaned out a throaty yes. he continued to whisper sweet nothings into her ears, promises of how he would take care of her, how he’s going to be a perfect husband, how she would be a perfect wife, how they’ll live happily together. she nodded her head in delirium, the pleasure of his fingers had her grinding her back on his crotch and emptying her thoughts. she could barely think straight. “tell me you’re mine,” he commanded, slipping a finger inside, “i can take care of you, baby,” her eyes rolled back, his words were not helping, it was just pure gasoline thrown into a burning fire. “nori, i want to cum,” she muttered, clutching desperate on the now two fingers. she felt his warm breath on the crook where her shoulder meet her neck, his fangs brushing threateningly against the sensitive skin. “open your mouth,” he urged, she whined at the lost feeling of his lips on her neck. she felt something dripping between her lips, his thumb brushing the lower lip. it painted her lips red. it tasted metallic, almost like a blood. it was his. he watched in satisfaction as his blood marking appeared on her right eye. he can control her blood, heightened her senses, throwing her body’s sensitivity off the wall, driving her off the edge with every spot of her body he touches; it sends pleasure twice as much. it wasn’t long until her velvety wall spasmed around his fingers. her body jolted forward; her shaky hands pressed against the wet tile preventing her from falling face first as orgasm washes out. she could barely make any noises, her throat was so dry, she felt like it might bleed.   she won’t deny that the orgasm eased her pain, but she would deny if he dared brought it up; he would not get the pleasure of knowing she enjoyed that.

his palm brushed against her thigh, causing her to look up. he raised his eyebrows in question which she brushed it off with a nod. she grabbed his hand and steadied herself up.

“i’m okay,” she voiced out.

he undressed, continued their shower from square one. they’ve done this before; sharing shower after mission washing blood off each other but this time, it feels different. she sighed at the pleasure, letting her hands rest against his toned chest. we are married, the sentence echoed in her mind as he massaged the shampoo on her head. never ever she thought that this is how she’ll be married. it’s not like she dreamed of a huge wedding. he did throw a small gathering, respecting her boundaries and her anxiety but everything just moved so fast. her parents are dead, her only remaining family is satoru, a distant cousin who finds it a no issue for her to marry her boyfriend. it is not an issue for her to marry noritoshi kamo, she loves him so much, but not like this.   she wished she had more choices in this.   he hummed a song, a habit of his that he caught from his mother, a lullaby his mother always sings. she wanted to hate him so much, for befriending her, making her fall in love with him and then forced her into a marriage. but when she opened her eyes and stared up into his, to see such loving look in his eyes, it weakened her. her heart is a wreck. “why do you do this to me?” she whimpered, slamming her fist into his chest. he refused to answer.

she was tired of his silence.

he turned the shower off, opening the glass door letting waft of cold air out. he left to fetch her towel and she stalked toward the nearby mirror. “how long until the thing wears off?” she asked when she caught a glimpse of herself. she reached to touch the blood marking on her eyes. he wrapped the towel around her body, hugging her from behind and through the foggy mirror, he brushed his thumb on her cheek, whispered something she couldn’t catch as the mark subsided.

“this doesn’t change the fact that i’m mad at you.”

he laughed it off, “i didn’t say it does. you always feel better post orgasm, you know how i know it?” he kissed her temple, eyes burned into hers, “because i dated you.”

her teeth gritted in annoyance.

“you think if i dated you to scout my future wife, i wouldn’t waste my time learning how your body responds to me, the way you yearn for me,” a kiss fell on her neck, “learn how well you control your shikigami and goes through lengths to teach you how to use my bow,” another kiss went up her jaw, “teach you my own blood techniques because god, why jujutsu needs to be such an exclusive thing,” arms went around her waist, “worried sick every single time utahime send you off for a mission, taking care of your wounds, being there to catch your reckless ass,” his breath lingered on her ears, “completely falling in love with you wholeheartedly for 3 years. i’d abandoned my father’s choice. you are arranged to be my wife, on my own accord. i choose you. you weren’t my father’s choice, but even in million years, even if sukuna’s vessel reincarnated again and again, even if the world split open and sent you miles away, even if i’m not the head of kamo clan,” his hand grabbed her chin, hard and forced her to meet his eyes, his words send shivers down her spine, “i would still choose you.”

she’s completely putty in his hand. she let out a soft whine as his body abandoned her, his warmth gone and came the cold biting her bare skin. her eyes followed the back of the man as he stalked to the wardrobe leaving the girl alone to ponder on his words.

“now, wouldn’t it just be a waste of my time, my wife?”

[notanacousticsetcal]

betty - calum hood

summary - a story based off of the song betty by taylor swift -- one of my absolute favorites from folklore and the most beautiful little story :) (y/n) in the role of the icon betty. 

warnings - cheating

word count - 3k ish

mood board

a/n - check out the other 3 installments of the song series too! this piece is kind of out of the blue because I actually started it and finished it today which is extremely rare for me but I actually really like how it turned out. hope you guys do too. :) (def listen to this song -- its amazing). (btw this isnt the calum fic i was referencing in one of my previous posts, that one is still in the works.)

Betty, I won't make assumptions about why you switched your homeroom, but I think it's 'cause of me.

Calum sat in the back row, staring at Missy Grenshaw’s head feeling the hole in his chest grow larger. He glanced at your empty seat and frowned, his eyebrows scrunched together. 

He heard Mrs. Martin start attendance and when she skipped over your name, the hole grew impossibly larger. 

Calum tried to convince himself you switched because Mrs. Martin was a hard grader, but he knew that wasn’t the real reason.

He knew it was because you couldn’t stand to see his face. 

Betty, one time I was riding on my skateboard when I passed your house. It's like I couldn't breathe.

Calum listened to the sound of a distant lawn mower and the rustling leaves and inhaled the smell of someone barbecuing in their backyard, trying to calm himself. He almost turned around and went home, his stomach grumbling at the idea of dinner waiting for him on the dining room table, but he didn’t. 

He was only a block away from your house now. He pretended like he was riding down your street because it had the smoothest road, but Calum couldn’t lie to himself. Just knowing your room was in that house and knowing you might be sitting on your bed was enough to draw Calum near. 

He didn’t let himself stop in front of the brick fronted modest house, but he wanted to. His legs ached as he kept pushing. He secretly hoped the sound of his wheels would draw you to the window. He held his breath in anticipation, but nothing. Not even a subtle shift in the curtains. 

You heard the rumors from Inez. You can't believe a word she says most times, but this time it was true. The worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you.

“(Y/n)!” A familiar voice chirped from behind you. You turned on your heel to face your friend, Inez. She was your source of gossip always, even if it was almost always speculation and barely ever accurate. 

You weren’t expecting her sad features -- it alarmed you. “Are you alright, Inez? What happened?” You linked arms with her as you continued forward, heading for first period.

She nodded softly. “You aren’t going to want to hear this, (y/n).”

But if I just showed up at your party, would you have me? Would you want me? Would you tell me to go fuck myself or lead me to the garden? In the garden would you trust me if I told you it was just a summer thing? I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything but I know I miss you.

Calum tossed the tennis ball up and caught it. He laid on his bed, absentmindedly continuing to toss the ball up and down, his mind plagued with thoughts about you.

Your birthday was a week away. Calum let his mind wander off in endless possibilities. 

He knew how much he had hurt you and the guilt ate at him constantly. A day didn’t go by that he didn’t beat himself up for being so stupid. 

Nothing was worth more to him than your happiness and he knew that now. He would do anything in his power to fix what he broke, if you’d let him.

He wondered how you would react if he showed up on your doorstep that evening, a bundle of flowers in hand and an apologetic smile on his face. 

He wondered if you’d slam the door in his face and ignore his knocks and desperate pleas. 

Or if you’d hesitantly let him come inside, your guard up, and lead him to the garden to talk alone. If you’d let him ramble on about how stupid he was. About how badly he messed up.

About how much he fucking missed you. 

Your soft smile and your positive, bright disposition and your generosity and selflessness. The way your eyes squinted when you laughed and the way your hair smelled. 

Calum really fucking missed you.

But he knew he didn’t really deserve a second chance. And he was asking a lot begging for one. But he thought he at least had to try.

Or this mistake would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

Betty, I know where it all went wrong, your favorite song was playing from the far side of the gym. I was nowhere to be found, I hate the crowds, you know that. Plus, I saw you dance with him.

Calum walked into the school alongside you, your hand in his and a bright smile on your face. You loved dances and seeing all your friends dressed up -- Calum felt claustrophobic, but he would do anything to keep that smile on your face, so he tagged along anyway.

Immediately, you tugged him towards the dance floor and he followed hesitantly. After only a few moments on the dance floor, Calum excused himself to the sidelines. He watched your expression fall, but you understood. You would never pressure him into anything he was uncomfortable with.

Calum felt like he could finally breathe properly from the edges of the gym.

He watched solemnly as the DJ began to play your favorite song. Your features lit up and Calum couldn’t help but smile, too. He wished he could go in there and dance with you but just the thought of being squished in between so many people made his pulse speed up and his palms sweaty.

He watched Dean approach you, clearly nervous, and his hands turned to fists. Calum had half a mind to go over there and punch him square in the face. 

Calum knew he couldn’t do that, but he had fun imagining it.

Dean grabbed your waist, pulling you close, and Calum’s heart practically stopped.

He couldn’t take anymore, so with one last glance at your soft smile, Calum stalked off in an angry blur.

Calum knew if he had just asked, you would’ve reassured him it was only a dance.

Calum knew if he had just asked, everything wouldn’t have gone the way it did. 

I was walking home on broken cobblestones just thinking of you when she pulled up like a figment of my worst intentions. She said "James, get in, let's drive,” those days turned into nights. Slept next to her but I dreamt of you all summer long.

The sun beat down on Calum’s back and he couldn’t wait to get home. He’d run out of water long ago, riding his skateboard in the early summer heat. 

He stumbled home, skipping happily over cracks in the concrete, skateboard in hand. 

He thought about seeing you after dinner. Taking you to your favorite tree and watching the stars. Or… looking at you while you looked at the stars. He thought about the way you danced with Dean. He still hadn’t told you how much it bothered him so he just let the resentment boil up until it stung the back of his throat.

Calum heard tires screech next to him, a familiar face in the driver's seat. Her red lipstick shimmered in the direct sunlight. Her sunglasses reflected Calum’s awestruck face. 

“Calum, get in. Lets drive,” She said. Her lips quirked up into an inviting smile and Calum swayed hesitantly. “Aw, come on. I’ll drive you home.” 

Calum looked around at the neighborhood once more, checking for witnesses, and then finally climbed into the silver convertible. As soon as he got in, his heart fluttered with guilt. His eyes filled with images of you, hurting, and he almost got out. Almost.

There was Dean again, haunting Calum through memories, smiling down at you, holding you. Calum gripped his skateboard harder, his knuckles growing white.

Her voice was so inviting and her car smelled so nice. The air conditioning hit Calum’s warm skin and soothed it instantly. Calum stayed. 

Calum didn’t just stay, though. He could’ve forgiven himself for that. 

Betty, I'm here on your doorstep and I planned it out for weeks now but It's finally sinking in. Betty, right now is the last time I can dream about what happens when you see my face again. The only thing I wanna do is make it up to you. 

Calum tossed and turned in his sleep, getting more and more frustrated with the nerves. He would face you tomorrow. It would determine the outcome of everything he had been wondering and worrying about for weeks. 

Tomorrow meant everything. He had one last night to drift into dreams about how you might react. The forgiveness or resentment. The smile or the tears. The hug or the shove. 

He drifted to sleep with images of you playing in his mind. In your favorite sweater, his hand in yours. 

Calum hoped with everything in him that you could see past his stupid mistake. But he prepared himself for the worst. You didn’t owe him anything. 

So, I showed up at your party. Yeah, I showed up at your party. Yeah, I showed up at your party. Will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings? I'm only seventeen. I don't know anything, but I know I miss you.

Calum straightened out his button down and shifted the flowers, watching a few stray petals fall loose and hit the pavement of your porch. He cleared his throat and listened anxiously while his heart pounded ferociously in his ear. 

He could faintly hear commotion from within the confines of your home but he couldn’t make out anything they were saying.

His shaky hand extended towards the dark wood door and he knocked twice.

Cars were parked a block or two down the street -- all of your friends had already arrived.

Calum could lie and say he meant to be the last person, but in reality, he sat in his car for 30 minutes gathering up the nerve to come over there.

He could see multicolored balloons lining the walls inside. He watched as a figure appeared through the window, the tint making the figure only a silhouette. 

The door began to open and Calum thought for a moment about running, but it was too late. Before he knew it, he was face to face with you again. For the first time in 2 months, you were looking at him and he was looking at you.

He watched as confusion and shock filled your eyes, and then disappeared, filling with pure curiosity. He didn’t notice any anger yet. 

“Calum?” Your voice was like sugar. Calum’s knees felt weak.

“Yeah, hi (y/n).” Calum coughed. “Happy birthday.”

There were a million things Calum wanted to say and that wasn’t necessarily at the top of his list. He mentally face palmed. Your eyebrows knit together. “Thank you?” You looked down at the bouquet of flowers in his hand. “Are those for me?” 

Calum looked down at the flower he almost forgot he was holding, too lost in your eyes to care about anything else. “Oh, yes. Yeah.” He stumbled, holding them out to you.

You took them without a word. 

“So um…” Calum started, wringing out his sweaty hands. “I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute.”

You turned around for a moment towards the chatter coming from the kitchen and then turned back to face him with a sigh. “Why should I say yes?” You didn’t look angry… just tired. 

Calum scratched the back of his neck anxiously. “You don’t owe me anything, I know that. I was hoping to apologize, if you’d let me. I know that I’m the biggest idiot on the planet and I broke your heart and there's no way I can go back and undo that, but I owe it to you to at least try to fix what I broke. You don’t have to let me, though. I wouldn’t be mad if you cursed me out or slapped me or slammed the door in my face. I deserve it. I hurt you, and I suck for that.” He took a deep breath staring at the ground.

Your eyes softened and you sighed. “Come on.” You grabbed Calum’s hand and tugged him into the house, shutting the door softly behind him.

Calum followed your lead as you stepped through the back door into the garden.

You’d planted more of the flowers you told him about months ago and Calum thought your vision was really coming to life. You pulled him to a small metal table in the corner and sat down.

Calum looked around again, taking in all you’d accomplished since you two last spoke. “It looks beautiful, (y/n).”

You sighed, proudly admiring the shrubs and greenery that surrounded you. “I needed something to take my mind off things so I kind of poured my soul into it.” You fiddled with your rings.

Calum knew he was what you needed to take your mind off of and that made him feel even worse. “What I did to you… it was unforgivable. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I betrayed your trust and I hurt you in the worst way imaginable. That girl… it was nothing. It meant nothing.”

Calum watched you carefully as you took this in. Again, you didn’t look angry or sad — just emotionally drained. Numb. “I just… I guess I kinda just wanna know why. Was I… was I not enough?” Calum watched the tears well up that threatened to spill over and down your rosy cheeks.

He shook his head instantly. “No, no. Of course not. I spent a lot of time thinking about it because at first I didn’t even know. But I think I was just… jealous.”

You scoffed. “Jealous?” Calum blushed. “But of who?”

Calum inhaled deeply, prepared to completely embarrass himself. If it meant getting back on good terms with you. “Dean,” he muttered.

You couldn’t help but laugh. And not just chuckle — really laugh. “Dean? Dean Marshall. You were jealous of Dean Marshall?” You put a hand over your mouth to stifle the laughter. It felt nice to laugh after so many weeks of pain. 

Calum rolled his eyes playfully. “Yes, Dean Marshall. When he danced with you at the formal I was pissed.”

You stopped laughing, seeing the hurt in Calum’s soft features.

“You didn’t really think I was interested in him?... Did you?” You asked.

Calum looked down, playing with a loose thread on his trousers.

You let out a heavy sigh. “Oh, Cal. I never had any feelings for Dean.”

“Deep down, I did know that. It was some petty revenge thing in my head. I should’ve just voiced my pain and I know you would’ve reassured me. I was so dumb. I’ve never regretted anything so much in my life.” Calum finished with an exasperated breath and you smiled at his passion.

“Do you want to come in for cake, Cal?” 

Calum’s eyes shot up to read your face. You couldn’t be serious. You laughed at his eagerness and joy. “I would love to come in for cake,” Calum said easily.

You grabbed his hand, guiding him towards the back door and inside.

You ignored the series of gasps from your unsuspecting friends and found Calum a seat around the table. Nobody asked questions. They just smiled. If you were happy and safe, then they were happy too.

After some time, the sun was nearing the horizon and friends were bidding their goodbyes.

Calum hadn’t taken his eyes off you all night.

Your stomach tingled in anticipation whenever you caught his gaze.

Calum got a text from his mom saying she needed him home, so he begrudgingly headed for the door, his hand in yours.

“Happy birthday, again,” he whispered in your ear. 

“Thank you for coming today. It must’ve taken a lot of guts.” You laughed at Calum’s expression.

“You have no idea. But I'm so glad I did it.” He looked down at you fondly and you felt as if your knees might give out.

Before you could stop and think about the consequences, you were leaning closer and so was he.

Your noses barely brushed and the air around you was heating. It felt like everything between you two was leading up to this very moment — this very kiss. 

He stooped down a little lower, pressing his lips gently onto yours. You felt a rush of emotions. You had missed him all this time. You felt ready to try again - slowly building a mutual trust between you two again.

His lips folded over yours at a steady pace. It was soft and not rushed. It was perfect.

When he pulled away, your lips tingled at the absence of his. 

You were startled by the sudden applause.

You friends had gathered in the hall and watched the entire thing. You hid your face in Calum’s shoulder.

Standing in your cardigan. Kissing in my car again. Stopped at a streetlight, you know I miss you.

You slipped into Calum’s car and he smiled fondly. He hadn’t been this happy in so long.

You grabbed his sweater -- the one that had once been yours -- and felt it between your fingers. “You still have this old thing?” 

He smiled, his cheeks glowing a faint pink. He looked adorable with his curls tumbling down across his forehead. “It smells like you.”

You planted a gentle kiss on his cheek.

He had missed you. But he didn’t have to anymore.

[essiestarr]

Is it weird of me to say that I've been waiting for Five to just...pass out. Like he is in his 13 year old puberty ridden voice-cracks-in-middle-of-a-frikin-sentence body and that ish is hard. Your energy is wack during puberty, it's either *I have the power of god at my fingertips* or *frick this shit and leave me to perish* sort of thing and we can all tell how it's been for five.

From what I could tell (can't speak for everyone) the energy thing switches erratically bcuz at that time forget about impending apocalypse , a lot of us had reached the conclusion that sleep was irrelevant and our bodies were powered by pure spite alone so shove off no I'm not sleeping.

So yeah it was not completely predictable and the puberty years (lmao I'm 15) I mean the main part of it those first years were so weird.

Anywho in my opinion ( if we dont acknowledge the whole sparrow Academy thing and pretend everything is chill and apocalypse averted there all recuperating at the Academy? Mansion?) Once Five even calms down vaguely even if he isnt doing very healthy crap yet. His boy is gonna be like 'Well fuck u too bi*tch' and he'll crash.

Five is physically 13 and his body cannot run on anger, spite and coffee despite his best efforts (you fought valiantly Five).

So one day he just...... drops, like mid-snark he just

(as accurate as I could get. The cat is sleep dragging this boi down)

Any everyone is like

And after initial panic that the brother they just got back didn't just die on them mid sentence (which is a huge frikin relief) subsides.

Grace is like ( yes she's here cuz she frikin deserved better) . Ah yes lack of sleep, his body is tired of his crap and knocked him out (not in those in those exact words). And then Five wakes up and they all hound on him like Bruh you need to frikin sLeEp and he hits them with the F off I'm older that you and you cannot dictate my gosh darn motherfrikin actions.

For now the siblings leave it, hoping it's a one time thing.

So yeah with his nightmares on his ass and his general disinterest in sleep. This Boi is so tired but no just no he isn't doing that.

And they try omigosh they try but short of drugging Five (none of them are particularly interested in getting stabbed thanks) they are stuck .

Basically it happens again , and again, and again , and again. So while it is horribly unhealthy it isn't particularly life threatening and it becomes a bit amusing and a usual to find Five conked out in random areas of the house. They just carry him to bed, the best thing to do at the moment.

So while inconveniencing and annoying to Five who is thankful that he's never out for too long, they all just kinda unfortunately get accustomed to it.

So yeah all that aside, things are slowly going to semblance of normalcy.

That is until Five passes out halfway down the stairs.

[eloquent-apollo]

don't get me started on kevin day, my wips, and/oror edwardian dress silhouettes :)

Kai really out here peaking all my interests huh

Kevin Day

LISTEN OKAY HE ISNT A SPINELESS COWARD HE IS SUCH A BRAVE PERSON AND IF YOU JUST LOOK A LITTLE PAST ALL OF IT YOU CAN SEE HOW BRAVE HE IS? Fuck you im PULLING OUT THE RECEIPTS MOTHER FUCKERS

This moment here? Yeah he talked the fuck BACK TO HIS ABUSER HELLO? THE MAN WHO KILLED ONE OF HIS TEAMMATES BC SOMEONE ELSE HAD A BIG MOUTH? I bet he told him to go die alone in a hole bc nobody loves him or whatever? Well probably not but he probably said something incredibly vulgar and to match Neil’s roast (and probably in like a small sentence my boy had a match to play he had priorities he probably said “I’ll show you that you marked me wrong from day one, that you should have feared me when we got on the court together”)

ALSO SPEAKING OF NUMBERS

Homie really said “you know what im sixk and tired of being a fucking number fuck my bitch ass abuser im my own person” WHEN BEFORE HE WAS SO SCARED OF HOW RIKO WOULD REACT TO NEIL AND THE BURNS MY MAN REALLY SAID YOU KNOW WHAT IM DONE WITH BEING AFRAID OF THAT BITCH! Also this is getting too long BUT KEVIN DAY IS A FASHION HISTORIAN AND HE OWNS AT LEAST ONE (1) CORSET

Moving on: My WIPS

I dont have that many WIPs and I already ranted a lot about the ask I am currently working on so I’ll tell u about uuuuh *opens my wips real quick* Oh i’ll tell u about uuuh love letters from Paris! Listen I occasionally get really obsessed with random pieces of historical knowledge and this time it was the daguerreotype, which is some old ass clunky ass camera and you know what! This concept was still R E A L L Y G O O D!!!! It was about Jeremy who was a daguerreotypist who lived in America and Jean, a book binder in France. They met and they fell in love and the whole fic is just them sending each other love letters and its really cute and I hope to revive it one of these days so I cant say too much about it but here is a snippet of the letter that I still really love its from Jean to Jeremy

Mon canard,

While I write this letter it has been a mere 2 hours since your departure, but it feels like you have been gone days already. Your absence in the house is dully noted, perhaps most by Venus. She still curls up on the chair where you sat daily, smoking your pipe while we talked. My bed will no doubt feel colder tonight, for you will not be by my side to hold me. I miss your hands in my hair, your laugh, the way the early morning lights caress your face. I may only be a book binder, but I believe the ghosts of poets have possesed me when I speak of you, for everything about you is a work of art.

Mon Beau, do you remember our trip to the meadows? We were lucky to be alone, out there in the open. Your warmth and joy helped to ease my worries, for I feared to be seen by others. I watched over my shoulders too much, which I regret, for I didn’t get to enjoy your presence. You are my sunshine, Jeremy. I do not wish to miss out on it, but now that you have moved behind the clouds I realise how much you brightened up my life.

Hystorians say they’re totally besties, but idk sounds kinda gay to me!

Edwardian dress silhouette

Listen,,,,,, listen

Look at this picture? Does this not bring you immense joy? Is this not absolutely gorgeous???

Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldnt wear this! You are lying to yourself its so pretty wtf? Also Idk what it is specifically about this silhoutte in comparison to say the 1880’s, it’s just something about it that’s so good? The S-shape the corset (I actually think it’s called a Stays but im not very faniliar with the proper terminology so I will be referring to them as both stays/corsets from now on) was meant to create is just idk iconic™️

I mean look at this? There is just something about it thats different and looks so pretty? The silhouette was accomplished through the use of padding on the hips and the use of the corset/stays

This isnt a really good picture but Marry Poppins was set circa the Edwardian era (1910-ish) and although the outfits arent 100% accurate it still shows the silhoutte quite well. Its iconic, its gorgeous, you’re lying if you say you wouldn’t want to wear that

Also look at these corsets/stays (I am hoping the second is edwardian as I, once again, am by no means an expert. While the year does seem to be edwardian [1908] I am just going to have to take the websites word for it. The shape does seem to be S-shaped, which is classic edwardian, so yeah) they are really pretty wouldn’t you want to wear these?

Also want to quickly add that the corsets/stays are made to create the illusion of a more narrow waist and thats why it looks like this woman barely has one. (As one of my favourite youtubers, Bernadette Banner puts it “Humans, the edwardians includes, are masters of disguise”) The use of padding on the hips and around the bust create an iconic sillhoute of a narrow waste and the S-shape. Anyway I am in no way an expert on Historic fashion and it is also 1 AM for me so if u want to know more about it uuuh I highly suggest looking at this video maybe?

Bernadette Banner has amazing videos on a lot of iconic historic silhouettes and while I love talking about it myself too I am no expert and I know I didnt get everything 100% right.

Anyway I am going to leave you with these funny, 1840’s swear words: Church-bell, bubbly-jock, snaggletooth, cumberworld

[vyvesvi]

vyvesvi’s long awaited yesstyle review lmao :-)

ugh the keep reading isn’t working on mobile rip y’all sry

>a few Important things:

i just moved into my dorm yesterday so everything abt the pics and reviews to follow is a hot mess + i misplaced some stuff + didn’t bring it to my dorm bc it didnt work out (so i don’t have pics)

I’m not being sponsored in any way by yesstyle, i just don’t think there are enough black reviewers of yesstyle goods (but what does race have to do with anything, you may ask??? well, ppl come in all shaoes and sizes and the overlap between east asian sizes and body types and black body types is um. well. slim. that being said, i’ll give you some deets on me: i legit have no idea how much i weigh but im generally thin-ish with thicker thighs and a tummy pouch; height: ~169 cm, generally a US size S - M/4 - 6))

bc im not being sponsored, im not providing any (affiliate) links, just product names, sorry if that’s annoying

every yesstyle member (you become a member when you buy stuff) gets a reawrds code that takes a % off of my next order and the order that the code is used for, but I think it’s only like. 2% or smthng. message me and i’ll try to unearth my code if ur interested)

I ordered this stuff in two separate, similarly sized orders and the delivery time went like this (#1: ordered on-  2019-07-05 01:33 AM; split into two packages for some reason, received on like...july 22ndish? for some reason the tracking info isnt showing the delivery info. the 2nd part of this order, which was shipped a day later, arrived on the 19th. #2: ordered on-  2019-07-30 10:04 AM, received on  08/20, wasn’t expecting much bc it was shipped from hong kong during the protests but it was basically the same as the first order)

>the actual review part

i rly didnt wanna make a long post so just click for better quality sry lmao

edit: rip the quality if y’all want better photos @ me lmao

Dreamkura - Short-Sleeve Embroidered T-Shirt, Black - L

4/5- weird shape (really long sleeves for a short sleeved shirt, and really boxy too), and if you compare the placement and size of the patch vs. the one in the picture it’s not 100% accurate. still a cute shirt though so it’s fine

I sized up for an oversized look but I probably didn’t 100% need to

the black one is currently unavailable :/

camikiss - Seamless Under Shorts, Black - One Size

5/5- i wear these shorts too much. im wearing them right now. the ultimate safety shorts

the one size was a Risk but these shorts stretch well. maybe dont get them if you’re an XL and above in US sizes though

Lemongrass - Distressed Denim Shorts, Dark Blue - M

4.5/5- better quality than primark which. wow, did not see that coming

you have to cut the button hole (they seal it to show they they’ve never been worn apparently)

the button kinda like...jingles if you shake them vigorously, but it doesn’t happen when the pants are on, so it’s fine. still funny tho

im bad at wearing ripped shorts but if ur not i highly recommend

INKLEE - Round Buckle Faux Leather Belt - 105CM

5/5- kinda cheap but it does what I want which is hold my pants up lol

i could’ve sized down but that has way more to do with me not knowing my waist size lmao

Gwendolyn - Off-Shoulder Ruffle-Trim Blouse, White - One Size

4/5- i bought this bc it made me think “flyy like a butterfly” and all that jazz

it’s not my normal style but i really like it! it’s VERY sheer though

but I also got white so what did i really expect?

one-size was a risk once again but this shirt is pretty roomy, although it’s also kinda short...like not crop top short, but slightly difficult to tuck in short.

i would buy it again in black so i guess that says something

also i have like. freaky long arms (i can wave my hand over my shoulder with my arm behind my back and my elbow parallel to my torso...that’s such a weird description but uh. just know that my arms are long okay) and it didn’t look too indecent at the top to have the sleeves pulled down to my wrists! it’s a win!)

Moon City - Drop Shoulder Cardigan, Black - One Size

4.7/5- smelled weird when i opened it but I washed it and it’s fine!

one size risk but this one was also roomy af

the sleeves fit!!! god bless!!!

Edise - Couple Matching Elbow-Sleeve Embroidered T-Shirt, Black - L & White L

5/5- The white one was perfect and I love it! I sized like 2 sizes up for it to be a oversized but I would say it’s only abt 1 size oversized, if that makes sense? but I actually like it the way it is so cool lmao

3.7/5- the black one was really badly sewn on, but i reported it and got a new one for free so go me go yesstyle! they didnt give me tracking info *i think* and i wasn’t really waiting for it so it feels like it came fast lol

the moon is kinda a more awkward shape in person i think, but the stormy clouds were high quality and perfect!

i really like the material of the shirt!s it’s thick and soft and smooth? i’ve legit never felt a tshirt like that but im into it

DIYI - Plain High-Waist A-Line Skirt, Black - M

4.7/5- im wearing the outfit pictured right now and *TMI* the sewn in shorts are giving me a very very uncomfortably large wedgie tbh

it fits perfectly otherwise though

i feel like it’s one of the cheapest feeling things that i received, but it’s about forever21 quality but for only $11.45 so i’m 100% fine with it tbh

TREEZIN - Plaid Mini Skirt, Dark Blue - M

4.7/5- it’s very cute and fits perfectly! kinda shirt though and there was like 1 loose thread

the brown in the skirt isn’t super noticeable which i don’t really mind...overall i’d say that they lightened the photos considerably, which effects the color of the skirt

no safety shorts but idrc

pretty thick material

the final stretch thank god

Manicotto - Mock Two-Piece Sleeveless Mini Dress, Check - M 

3/5 pretty cheap material. the skirt is true to size, but the top is like two sizes too small (i don’t have that much boob but it was still too much for this poor, poor, top). they come as separate pieces, so i brought the skirt to school with me and left the top at home. im not sure what i would tell someone who wanted to buy this abt sizing, bc of the dramatic discrepancy btwn the sizes.

A’ROCH - 925 Sterling Silver Dinosaur Earring, 1 Pair - S925 Silver - Gold - One Size 

4/5, very cute, VERY small (dainty, sure) and good quality! my only complaint is that either it’s not real silver or whatever it is that they used to make them look gold is something that im allergic to. my ears got itchy

A’ROCH - 925 Sterling Silver Ear Cuff1 Pair - Cross - Silver - One Size

4.7/5, definitely 100% silver. i’d love to wear them but with my move i can’t find either pair of the earrings

they only sell them as 2 of the cross cuffs or 2 of the parallel cuffs which is annoying bc they’re pictured together but they’re good enough and cheap enough that i’d buy the parallel ones in a separate order

Euphrasia - Oxford Crossbody Bag, Black - One Size 

5/5 one of my best buys hands down

its ugly cute but it’s so useful

it has so much storage space for such a small bag

im in love

Jansi - Set of 3: Heart-Embroidered Socks, Black + White + Blue - One Size

4.5/5 i wanted the dark gray that’s pictured but they edited the hell out of that photo so the blue that i ordered is actually the gray sock pictured

really comfy and cute! esp with the tops of the hearts peeking out over the tops of high top converses??? i love it sm

i have big feet and they fit me, so they’d fit most ppl i think

Ashlee - Cuffed Denim Shorts, Light Blue - M

2/5, a horrible disappointment part 1

maybe i shouldve sized up more but the critch area just fits SO BADLY i left these at home

i would return but im not paying for return shipping to hong kong so i’ll donate them

they’re also cute really badly like they don’t taper in at the waist at all

no human person is shaped like that pls ashlee

they get a 2 bc they are shorts and they sent me the right color

Rosehedge - Pleated Mini Skirt, Black - S

3/5, a horribly disappointment part 2

i shouldve sized up idky i didnt

i can actually fit into them and zip them up and everything but it’s so so short that you can basically see my entire safety short covered butt and it kinda bulges between the top of the tiny sewn in safety shorts and the actual skirt

wow thats a weird sentence sorry but you get it

has thousands of good reviews though, way more than anything on this list so that must count for something right?

3 bc it’s kinda my fault

Regalia - Faux Leather Wallet, Black - One Size 

5/5 beautiful lots of storage space but still very compact, would buy again

the “forever young, made in korea” is kinda ugly but what can you do?

Prinsis - Printed Socks, Dinosaur - White - One Size

3.5/5 they’re cute, but the design is so but that you can see halves of it on the front of the sock, which is very ugly

notice how on the site every pic is taken from the side? not a coincidence

they fit fine and are comfy though

>okay that’s it thank god!

>lmk if you have any questions!!!

(@gowon-yyxy)

[meggannn]

anyway here’s where i stand on the whole ‘peter b as miles’s father figure’ thing. behind a cut cause this got long and spoilers for spiderverse obviously

there’s a very accurate post going around that says ‘miles didnt need a father figure, peter needed a son figure’ and i think that's pithy enough to sum it up, but i had more thoughts about their dynamic as i rewatch it. in another universe (hah) i might say ‘a kid can have two father figures’ and miles clearly has a big enough heart to love jefferson, aaron, and peter all as positive male figures in his life, but the underlying theme that people much smarter than me have rightfully pointed out is that replacing, or even adding, peter to miles’s list of father figures reduces the importance of a black father already in miles’s life and quite frankly, they make it clear that miles isn’t looking to view peter b as a dad figure anyway. honestly i’d even argue that peter doesn’t really view miles as a son even by the end, but more like a favorite protégé and close friend

we can presume miles goes to aaron so much (“has a soft spot” for aaron, as his dad says) because he feels disconnected from his dad. they quickly establish aaron is his go-to adult figure for whenever he’s feeling lost or confused or stressed or just needs someone to listen and not judge, because uncle aaron, with no spouse or kids, has the freedom to be the cool uncle miles gets to do fun things with. graffiti is illegal, yes, but aaron is a master at supporting his nephew in a way miles wants to be supported: uncle aaron looks at and compliments and supports his art, uncle aaron teaches him how to talk to girls, we can probably presume uncle aaron is also where miles got his love of music and his punching bag is probably where miles learned the boxing stance he takes up when noir challenges him later on

i believe that miles WANTS to go to his dad with all of the things he goes to aaron with -- i think he almost calls his dad after leaving may’s house before getting discouraged by his stern voicemail -- but scenes like the car drive to school show miles that his dad won’t listen when he voices his insecurities and worries. it’s not for lack of love there, but he’s terrified of his dad’s disapproval and restrictions of the life he chooses to live. by the end of the end of the film this fear is, if not completely alleviated, definitely rectified a little -- miles knows his dad supports his art, and that officer jefferson davis supports spiderman even if he doesn’t approve of his methods, and that’s enough for him

peter b also won’t -- and can’t -- replace aaron. peter b only really becomes a solidified mentor figure for miles in the forest escape. that’s not to say miles didn’t like peter b, he still clearly thought highly of him and was desperate/excited to learn from a spiderman, but only does he really see what peter b can offer him when peter teaches him how to swing through positive reinforcement (peter telling miles to stay behind, getting upset he followed him into the vent, hissing at him to “just unstick!! they’re gonna see you!!” just frustrates and stresses miles out. miles wants to feel useful and included and supported, like aaron makes him feel).

miles is impressionable: he copies RIPeter’s move in the final battle to get up to the ceiling panel. he copies aaron when aaron climbs the fence and during the infamous shoulder-touch with gwen, and he copies peter b during the alchemex heist several times: mimics that cute chin-grab scene as they scout alchemex, (tries to) copy the elegant swing as peter climbs down from the ceiling, notably uses peter’s thwips, and finally he copies peter VERY fast on positional movement as they fly through the forest: miles’s legs swing wildly at first but within seconds he’s mimicking peter’s flying crouch-bounce. only after seeing how well peter b works in demonstration does he say “you’re amazing man!”

there’s not too much he copies his dad about though, because he thinks he and his dad have nothing in common. by the end of the movie it’s clear to him that even though they don’t share hobbies or interests or even have the same outlook on the world, his dad still loves him very much, and is willing to bend to meet his son halfway, which is all miles wanted him to do from the beginning. miles now has what he wants from his father; he doesn’t need peter to fill that role for him, or even be another father for him. something tells me miles would laugh peter back into his dimension if peter ever tried to father him

of course the biggest thing that convinced me is that peter b stopped believing in miles, right when miles needed support the most. he’d just lost his uncle, the best male role model in his life, and loses another one soon after when peter b ties him up and leaves him in his dorm. it’s jefferson’s unconditional love and support (and miles knows jeff believes miles doesn’t reciprocate) that gives miles the strength he needs to come into his own.

(tangent: for the record, i don’t blame peter b really -- or the rest of the spidergang -- because the stakes were high and miles clearly WASN’T ready to face kingpin after losing his uncle. i see it as the spidergang trying to protect miles from not getting killed, yes, but also from not having to fight so soon after losing his uncle. it wasn’t miles’s fault he wasn’t ready, and it was the responsible thing for peter b to do to sacrifice himself to save the others as the oldest of the crew (even if he was using it as an excuse to avoid going back home) but still, not what miles needed at that moment in time. miles needed to feel useful and that he could still help fulfill the promise he gave to RIPeter, even if he wasn’t the one to put the goober in. peter b kind of took the choice from him, said it was for his own good, and left miles lonelier than he’s ever been -- and just when he though he’d lost the support of every adult figure in his life, his father comes back into the picture. miles realizes he always had that support, but he needs to stop wavering on the fence and face his fears: will he move backwards or forwards? will he commit to this school or self-sabotage by flunking and skipping just to go back where he’s more comfortable? will he accept his role as a superhero or live a normal life? will he stay in his bedroom while his friends are in danger or stand up so someone doesn’t have to die?)

tbh the kicker for me is that even in the end, well after miles sees peter b as someone to look up to instead of just tolerate, it’s pretty clear from their interactions that miles sees peter like a friend/spidermentor/occasional life coach, and peter treats miles like a close mentee and dear friend. that’s different from the relationship miles wants from his dad, and still different from the relationship miles had with aaron (though close enough that you might be able to argue peter b steps up to fill another uncle role in miles’s life post-canon; aaron and peter b have similar traits in how they’re single adult men who can get away with being reckless and a little lawless because they have no one to hurt but themselves)

each of miles’s relationships with the men in his life are unique and none of them really replace or are in jeopardy of overlapping with each other. he has the capacity to love all of them in his own way, and does. and anyway that’s where i stand on that.

i feel like i could write another post entirely on why peter b isnt a father figure because he hasn’t really (yet) done the growth necessary to be one (he’s depressed, stuck in a mid-life crisis, and has begun to hate his dangerous, unpredictable, unquittable job that compromises every relationship in his life -- he can’t be a father! he’s barely taking care of himself!), which is why stepping into this role as miles’s mentor/uncle-ish figure is the best thing that could’ve happened to him if he wants to fully realize his potential in this next chapter of his life. but i digress.

[theunlimitedskye]

A REALLY REALLY LONG POST OF MY DUMB BSD FIC IDEAS (I am so sorry)

All y'all can ignore this post this is just me thinking out loud at 3:30 AM  (yes, I prewrote this)   What Bungou Stray Bullshit am I gon be writin: •Hanahaki. I don't even know what fucking ship I'd be writing for with this one, but after getting sucked into a certain ship hell on AO3, I may or nay not have, like, 4 ships in mind, •prrrrrrrrobably like, 7 separate Sakaguri things (ranging from drunken comfort cuddles to Oguri following him to work and stealing pocky to "hey what if Oguri was a kitsune") •Oguri. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand Nathaniel. Ch... Church. Churchy stuff. Yeeeeeah. •AU where Oguri is a shrine Kitsune and Nathaniel goes there for frequent visits and prayers and shit •Twain... Something something Twain. Don't even care what, honestly. One happy shooty boy. •Ango squeaks when he's scared and now I have no choice but to write about it •Daraaaaannnn...????? God I forgot how much I ship this •Oh look;  Oguri and Yokomizo adopted a cat together like the gays they are, and Oguri got rid of it after Yokomizo's death. Nothing to see here, folks, just a bunch of angst. Scroll past this one why don't you. •I GOTTA WORK IN FYODOR INTO ONE OF MY FICS ONE DAY JUST SO I CAN SPECIFICALLY HAVE SOMEONE EITHER CALL HIM FYOOP OR FYODADDY •shit with my own bsd ocs i have like 37 and it is absolute utter hell. i cant stop making bsd ocs. i am suffering. i will not be satisfied until i have 50. someone please kindly snap my neck •"welcome to walmart thanks for bringing your fucking kids" •cold glass of spaghetti-o's on the rocks (this is way more valid than it sounds but I highly implore that you   d o   n o t    a s k) •how fucked up would it be if I wrote a whole bunch of drabbles and ficlets with Nathaniel all inspired by specific Bible verses? Like, no specific ships or plotpoints in mind. The only constant is Nathaniel and whatever verse I choose that day. Work whatever ships fit with it. Great way to force myself into some good 'ol Bible Discussion and Study Meetings, lemme tell you. •You can't spell Procrastinate without Nate. Not only is it a horrible prompt, but it's also true. •"People's brains slide right out of their assholes the instant they start to sin. At least those that are dumb enough to die for their sins without repenting first get their dumbfuck legs boiled off in the firey pits of damnation." -Possible dialog for Nathaniel????? I don't even know where I'd put this but I heard someone say something relatively close to this sentence in a YouTube video and I absolutely lost my fucking shit •this isnt even a fic idea but it involes writing but fuckkkkkkkkkk ask-nathaniel-hawthorne blog that'd be so fucking lit it'd give me a chance to try writing for him and show off my art nd ghhhhhhhhhh it'd literally just be nothing but church jokes and r/dankchristianmmes •OR BETTER YET, ASK-ANGEL-NATE (@mysaldate you know precisely what I'm getting at here wanna make a joint blog) •*chanting and slamming hands off of table* ACCURATELY! WRITTEN! FICLETS! AND! DRABBLES! WRITEN! BASED! ON! FUCKED! UP! AWKWARD! SERVER! CONVERSATIONS!!!! •911 what is your emergency yes help there's a demon in my church and his name is dazai osamu please send someone before I exorcize this bitch •Bad Apple seems like a really good general direction to go here, considering everything else. Ever on and on, I continue circling with nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony... •this is a callout post to @midwinter-stars and I hope you realize I'm gonna be copypasting both of our RPs into a document and slapping that shit onto AO3 with both our names attached •I had this one really cute DazAtsu-ish RP where Dazai kept trying to drown himself so Atsushi saved him then they ended up frolicking in the park. Sorta. •That one Vocaloid song called Error. I wanna work that in somewhere somehow. •ANGEL WITH A SHOTGUN ANGEL WITH A SHOTGUN ANGEL WITH A SHOTGUN ON MY FUCKING GOD THIS SONG IS UTTER PERFECTION FOR NATE LIKE PICTURE NATE AS CALM AND CLASSY AS EVER BUT HES HOLDING A FUCKING  S H O T G U N AAAAAA I GOTTA ADD THIS IN SOMWHERE I HAVE. TO. WRITE. NATEGUN. •Alternatively - Ginger with a Shotgun. (I DON'T CARE IF THE GUILD'LL EVER TAKE ME BAAAAAAAACK--) •Fitzgegerld is a dumb bitch legend and if I'm not ever gonna find time to draw him I may as well write him at some point • Alternatively, again - that Brandon Rogers video called The CEO but with Fitzgerald. How amazing would that be. Literally just Fitzgerald going through his daily life and I somehow incorporate every line of dialog in there ("Nathaniel I'm walking through a FUCKING FOUNTAIN right now.") •So I saw Unedited Footage of a Bear recently. It was one of those weird, creepy 3 AM commercials on Adult Swim everyone knows about. It really messed with me, to be honest. The website had me tripping balls, and I'm still not certain if I found all the secrets it had to offer. In summary - I'm probably gonna write about Nathaniel having some fucked up hallucinations maybe. •Oguri Mushitarou is a fucking pillow princess send tweet •PoK is really fucked up and I already have like 12 drabbles being written all at once hlep •pLEASE DON'T LET OUR LOOOVE TUUUUURN OOOOUT INTO A TRADGEDY LIKE IT WAs FOR JULIEETTT T  TAKE ME AWAY INTO YOUR AAAARMS IT'S ALL I ASK OF YOOOOu (in summary - Romeo and Cinderella) •Koyou Ozaki - unintentionaly turning straight Canadian chicks with shitty anime tumblr blogs into lesbians since her debut. •I HAVE SO MANY LEMON IDEAS JUST PILING UP YOU GUYS MAY AS WELL START CALLING ME KAJII AT THIS POINT BECAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD ITS NEVER GONNA GET ANY BETTER, ONLY WORSE

[ninjozata]

E, G, H, M, O, P, S, U, Y, Z

Oo~ Hmm...(E) -The most disgusting thing I’ve ever done is piss on my own feet that time camping,,, then i was too embarrassed to tell anybody so i just... walked around in the river a bit >.> I was a child xD(G)-I think sexually I’m more attracted to dick, but romantically I’m more drawn to feminine traits, but gender isnt a huge determining factor for me, since i really believe most everyone has ‘masc�� and ‘fem’ traits, though of course to differing degrees (and we could have a whole thing about whats femine and whats masculine and in the context of what culture etc etc,, its easier for me to jsut identify as “pansexual” but maybe “demipanromatic-androsexual” would be more accurate, abet a bit pompous  xD  )(H)-I’ve been in love at least once, I hope. Sometimes I worry I’m secretly a sociopath incapable of truly deep emotional connections........................................... anyway, I’m probably just being dramatic~ I can’t imagine what life would be like without Them, They’re always on my mind, and I’d do anything for Them. I hope thats love. (M)- hhmm... Making the most of life is the most important. Otherwise, whats the point? I hope to someday learn to live without regrets, as trite as that may be.(O) I cry pretty much daily at this point. Life is stress, thats a fact not a metaphor. (P)Weirdest? I’ve sucked c*ck in public-ish, and dressed in lolita and goth fashion, and  had full blown sobbing-puking-talking-to-myself anxiety break downs while crossing a high traffic road downtown. I live my life, I guess it depends on your definition of weird.(S) I hate kids, have zero interest in motherhood and imagine child birth to be the worst pain imaginable but at the same time want a daddydom to lovingly pin me down, pump his hot baby milk straight into my begging fertile---you get the point...(U) the ‘highcut’ kind they sell at aditonelle, 3x ... yes I’m very picky (Y)The park by my first elementary school, but im too tall and old to keep going back there, so I guess snuggled up in something warm is good too(Z) Uhhh...  zap, zip, zippy, Zim/zer/zir, uhhh Zycron(as in the planet from the bland assassin hnnnnggggg suchagoodbook) oh~! zebra, zest, zestful, zestfulness, zeal, zealous, zealousness,zany, zaninesses, zoo, zoology, zoophilia, zooplanton, zygospore, (is it cheating to use the same prefix? lol) zed, Zane (and in trusdale lol) zombie, zombieifcation, Zimbabwe,,,, haha im really grasping now but theres a good go at it eh? :P

[multifandomhoodies]

in the two minutes my brain was working i made this meme because i think it’s funny and while no one has told me to stop talking abt work i feel like this is lowkey accurate. 

this will probably be super annoying and basically a ramble but hey ! I dont care. rondo alla turca just came on and that’s incredibly accurate of my mind rn just that super fast part. anyways. im so sorry. 

hit that read more for the entire 2000+ word dissertation i wrote about work today.

so today was wild because fourth of july babey uh it didn’t start getting different until like,,,, 8 ish? mostly till then it was just regulars who are always in the park. i forgot my earmuffs so i couldn’t backpack blow when i wanted :c. nothing weird was in the bathrooms today! there was a lemonheads box in the women’s, but like,, that’s not very weird. i had several guests tell me that i was gonna have a rough day tomorrow w/ clean up and im like lol yeah Except i dont work tomorrow sorry tue-sat crew. love you. except fuck u danager. i had to get the cans along the beach and the guy that usually runs the beach comber wasn’t there so a different guy from the other park was doing it and he doesn’t run the beach comber v often and you could Tell. also this dude barely said anything to anyone except the one dude and honestly powermove. also he has Very long dreads. also this lady ? was laying like two feet away from where i had to backpack blow and she had the audacity to like, look at me? sorry lady its 8am the sun isnt even out stop sunbathing. anyways. i had to water the flowers i planted yesterday and after that it was breaktime (gang GANG) breaktime is like,, three hours after we start work but cleaning the bathrooms and backpack blowing and getting cans took forEVER. break was funny because it was just three of us in the breakroom and we were talking about the new manager who is. just a fucking asshole. he can choke. bitch. anyways. even tony doesnt like him and tony’s like so nice. i made a joke b4 we rolled out that liam could help me clean our part of the park and danager was like hey he can do that if you want to mulch and I thought it was mulching with HIm and I was like oh nO you thought hunty! i had to deal with your stupid ass yesterday! turns out it was just liam and tony and like honestly i would have done that that would have been super fun. and liam told me that he’d told tony about what happened yesterday with mulching. danager really called liam and i off of weedeating to mulch. at like, 1:30. we go on break at 2. he didnt care and was like oh you guys can just stay after and we’re like?? no?? unless we’re getting paid overtime and you dont have the power to make us do that? and liam today was like yeah if he does that shit again im leaving and tony and i agreed. im like ill walk home man. im leaving. tony said that even steve was getting pissed at him yesterday and steve’s a really chill dude. so collectively everyone’s like FUCk danager. and he came in from outside too and was like aight guys this is what we’re doing. hannah you should be able to weedwhip farther out away from your body. you hold the weedwhip too close and if you dont do that you can get a farther range. i kid you not the four of us that werent danager just started laughing. weedeaters (or weedw(h)ackers, or as ONLY danager says, weedwhips) arent very heavy. however. they do get heavy after a while, and they shake sometimes. a lot of times. We don’t get new equipment so it shakes. I’m hardly weak, but I’m also not strong enough to hold the weedeater like he said. so as soon as he said that i should be doing that everyone laughed. like i did too im like man you’re tripping. anyways. he left again, and so did two of the other guys again so it was just tony liam and i. kenny came back in and the three of us had been talking and when kenny opeend the door we all shifted so we could see who walked in, hoping it wasnt danager. kenny bust out laughing. “yall shoulda see your faces.” tony does a dramatic renactment of us all leaning forward to see who it is. oh it was great. tony liam and i were like in hysterics abt something (i think it was something rude abt danager i cant remember now). then we all headed out to do our danager assigned tasks. I went back to weedeating this one area. reminder that it IS the fourth of july, it’s like 9:30am and im weedeating this one part of the park. priorities? what are those. anyways so i do that. I see liam and tony leave to keep mulching. i keep weedeating. I did that and backpack blew the debris and then went over to the other part of the park to check cans. i checked cans again, had a super awkward situation with like 15 people near this sign. i tried to park my cart to check hte cans and EVERYONE STARED AT ME. like i know im wearing clothes specifcally chosen to be visible to cars and the public but the fuck you gotta stare at me for! anyways i got the cart and got the fuck outta there quick. I drove around more, some guy stopped me and said he thought there should be more speed limit signs. you’re right sir. drivers will see them and not care. i was checking trash in the one part of the park and i see tony and liam driving so i wave. by now it;s almost our lunch, its like 11:15. im going to check some cans that you like actually have to walk to, but i see tony driving towards me so i wait. they pull up, ask for the time. tony suggests we take a brisk walk to check the cans. we take a walk, but it’s not very fast. it’s very slow. we stopped to talk about dumb shit. liam’s apparently found a mink? on the pier? im so jealous? anyways yeah we wasted fifteen minutes looking at cans. we turn around and Danager’s walking towards us. tony grabs some trash off the ground immediately. danager doesnt even question it. he just tells us he wants someone to weedwhip or mow this one area, or at least be aware of it. tony and liam leave with dan, i head back to the shop. i hosed out the back of my cart cuz i got something FOUL in it. it may have been human poop. not sure. it was at least poop. lunch was more joking about danager. then danager came in and they started talking about muscle cramps. tony asked regular dan if he got cramps ever. dan shook his head. we dont think dan’s human. doesnt eat. doesnt SIT. only takes breaks because he’s legally required. jury is out. danager fucks off again. liam ate some of the ice cream. we chill until danager comes back in. then we leave. danager really told us to keep our weedwhips with us (also everytime liam or i say weedwhip mockingly we whip so i mean. yeah) and if we saw anything that needed weedeated to do it. ITS THE FOURTH OF JULY. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE PARK. tony apparently reached for his weedeater and some lady started cussing him out. something about how there’s people around and whatever (all true) and he’s like yeah sorry i was told to but yaknow what I just wont! because it’s a holiday no one wants to weedeat. so danager told us to go clean up driftwood from the beach and tony’s like oh some of it may be big yaknow ill go with you guys. completely an excuse not to do work. it was fine. we went down to the beach. got all ten pieces of wood that were there. and we did not take them back to the shop to be dealt with. no. we may or may not have taken the trashcan full of wood to the treeline and yeeted the driftwood into the treeline/woods. then we walked back up to our carts. and didnt get in them. the three of us stood around the carts for like twenty minutes just talking instead of working. who cares honestly. i dont. as long as it’s not a habit,,, we cool. somehow we started talking abt pot and liam’s like Oh yeah i’m pretty sure everyone here gets FUCKED up on that. and tony (who’s been here for a summer) was like. oh yeah for SURE. he’s like yaknow weed’s okay. not that interesting ppl overhype it. liams like yea never done it been overed it never done it and im like never been offered, never done it. a ranger rolled by and tony’s like yo what if the ranger rolled his window down and just a cloud of pot smoke rolled out and his eyes were just red. what would we do. and we all just like essentially shrug emojid and kept talking. tony came up with the great idea to move out of the full sun into some shade. we sat in the carts in the shade and talked more abt dumb shit. we decide to eventually move and check some other areas for trash. just to look busy and also get out of an area that had a lot of people and access for a cart. so we went over to another section of the park and got trash. I had two bags, and Tony’s just like yeah as long as they see trashbags in your cart no one’s gonna care what you’re doing. We went over near that part’s bathrooms and dan and even dan was like,,, i see yall are fuckin off and i dont hate that. we actually talked with dan for a bit too. then we walked over to this area where ppl throw beercans and ““““checked”““ for trash there. skipped rocks. made stupid comments about shit. we were over there for like twenty minutes. aaaaaaaaand Danager shows up. he tells tony to go water some plants in the front. it’s 1:30 at this point, tony’s gotta go load the water, haul it out to the front, water. liam and i followed him back to the carts. he got in his cart, looked around to make sure dan was gone and did the finger gun to head thing and drove off. liam and i immediately were like okay we gotta figure something out we’re staying the fuck out of danager’s way. so we go to another pier and start walking it, looking for trash. we did actually pick up trash. there was a lot. after like fifteen minutes we headed back to the shop to take our break at 2 and danager’s on his way out and he’s like oh! hey you guys can weedwhip around the building! or clean up around the dumpsters. do something. “No use standing around for twenty minutes”. okaaaaaaaaaaaaay man. so liam and i are like oh yeah of course we’ll find something to do. FUCK I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO BLOW THE GRASS IN THE DRIVEWAY FUCK FUCKIJ’DJ’FKJALKJFLAKJF goddamnit. deadass sorry for abrupt switch but im sitting in my house at 10:25pm realizing i didnt get the grass in the driveway. ugh whatever. ending my regrets and back to earlier. so as soon as danager drives his way and we get far enough away both of us are like YO FUCK THAT and im immediately like. 

i get as far as saying the first I from this and liam and I say the rest in unison. we share a braincell, i think. good job us. we’re both OVER IT. we throw our trashbags in the dumpster and grab pickers. we’re not sweating it but we grab some trash. i feel bad for tony cuz he’s out watering when it’s breaktime. liam says he probably wont be back till 2:25 when we have to clock out by 2:30. he wound up being right. a lot of shaking heads and muttering inbetween the four seasonals (minus dan) as soon as he was back. i clocked out and i told tony that he probably wont survive tomorrow with danager and that it was nice knowing him. tomorrow two of the techs will be back because they had today off. but it’s gonna be tony, the two techs, and danager. and possibly someone from the other park. not sure tho. like the BIGGEST oof because it’s gonna be a full day of trash cleanup and they’ve got danager there. and danager works the same shift as tony so anyday tony’s in, so it danager. the sat-thur crew got lucky. he told liam and i that on saturdays, the techs are out b/c weekends. it was just tony and someone from the other park and they’d. get the trash. trashbags and ground trash. and then fuck off in the breakroom. you can’t weedeat or cut on weekends. there’s not much to do if there’s not trash. they deadass would nap. and now they’re SCREWED because danager’s there. i’m so sad the one guy from the other park wasn’t there today. I can not WAIT to find out what he thinks of danager. fascinating. i almost worked tomorrow too, of my own request because I missed so much. but im sO Glad i didnt i do not want to spend anytime around danager that i dont have to. he fucking sucks. anyways. working my first ever fourth of july was,,, eventful. it mostly consisted of trying to avoid danager and kicking it with liam and tony. and that’s stellar. I really like both of them. i love my fucking coworkers. except danager. fuck you. also! no one offered us food :( apparently there is usually good food ppl offer to you and :( :( i didnt get food. oh today at work was wild. im so sorry for this post. it’s a hefty one. is this the longest post i’ve ever made on tumblr? yes. if you made it this far good job. I saw two REALly great dogs. the one looked like a bear. the other was a gsd. good job. god i love this job. 

[iwannainspire]

rambling 12/15/18

so lets start with the universe

i’m feeling more and more connected to the universe lately. i’ve always felt a connection to the universe, but its different now. like my relationship with ethan maybe. we used to fight, but realized we’re family and stuck together, now its all love and he’s so much cooler than i used to give him credit for. same goes for me and the universe

anyways, i feel like i can feel the vibe in the room. everyone can but some rooms have more tension. the outside is sometimes calm and other times its chaotic regardless of how many people are out there with me. i feel overwhelmed by the chaotic air when there are no people and i feel overwhelmed by the people in calm air. idk calm air is easier to walk in tho people or no people. i feel like my horoscope is always accurate and even if its not i check my friends and see theyre right. i like vice horoscopes because theyre vague ish. yknow? like it just tells you how the day will feel not what will happen. i like knowing how the planets change moods. i am connected to the planets and the tides. the universe moves and i move with it. my emotional state does. my psyche?

i feel overly connected. i feel the universe too strongly sometimes and it weighs me down or pulls me off my feet. i live in a snowglobe for days at a time caught up in the tides of emotions that don’t always belong to me. i invite them in and let them go in their time tho now which i used to not do. i used to ignore feelings i didnt like and sought out the happy ones. the search left me disappointed because happy wasnt as happy as i expected it to be. i put a lot of pressure on myself to feel happy when i knew sad was the one knocking at the door. ignored him or asked him to wear a happy mask. disrespected him and only made him feel worse. i’m sorry sadness. i accept you now. i invite sadness, anger, frustration, jealousy, anxiety, etc to come in and talk. where do you come from? what do you need? how can i help you before you carry on your way? i know we’ll meet again, but we won’t fight and hurt each other like we used to. let’s be friends.

i’m trying to accept all of my emotions. not just the happy ones. holding on to happy isnt good. trapping happy hostage when he comes to visit lol. locking him in the basement so he can’t see the sunlight and bloom. he gets sick and dies down there then you’re left alone again with just the painful memory of happy. it didnt have to be painful! let happy come and go as he pleases! i promise you he will come back if you let him go. don’t hold on to old happy times when you could be making new ones. live each day!

————-

zephyr-

the thing about zephyr is

idk. i forgive him. he isn’t evil or a bad guy. he is a product of his circumstances. he was born and raised to be this way. the environment and political climate he grew up in created him. it’s not his fault he is the way he is.

but he could be better.

i think zephyr is immature. i think his parents failed him. i think he failed himself. i think we all fail ourselves and other people. nothing to feel guilty or bad about tho. who has time for guilt for the past when the future is always a second away? accept what happened, where you are, who you are, and move forward. keep moving forward because you can’t go back. alright im getting weird and off topic now but anyway,

zephyr has a good heart. he has an innocent child’s heart. he’s young and immature. he was raised to believe he’s a grown man since 4. he makes his own independent choices. nobody can tell him what to do. he resents people telling him what to do. even if its good advice or something he knows he should do and was going to do but wont now because someone told him to. he’s an idiot. but it’s not his fault. he’s just immature.

he is sexist and shitty. it’s not his fault? but it is. he knows better than to be homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic/racist/EVERYTHING but he still does it because he has been told not to be. and that’s not okay with him. he doesnt like being told what to do more than he cares about how the other person feels when telling him what to do. its a virgo thing i think. not selfishness, but just stubbornness.

so zephyr could be better and he knows it, but he won’t be. he has to decide to do it for himself. i can’t make him decide to be a better person. i can’t make him understanding of others if he doesnt want to be. i cant teach him. i could, but why would i? i spent years climbing that hill and never reached the top. then it occurred to me that i had my own hill to climb. i need to take care of myself, not zephyr. he is not my responsibility and i am no one else’s but my own.

so i forgive him. im not mad about the time i spent climbing his hill to never reach the top. i wouldn’t have been able to see my mountain with its patchy trees and shrubs as beautiful if not for the barren desolation of his mountain. thank you zephyr for teaching me so many things about myself.

i am stronger than i thought i was. i’m always surprised by my growth because i can’t see it while i’m in it yknow. being with zephyr was experiencing growing pains and now that they’ve stopped i’m taller and stronger than i was before. thank you zephyr for making me feel alone. i found a friend in myself. thank you for making me feel smaller than i was. it makes it easier for me to see how much i’ve grown. thank you for hating the same things about me that i did. i know exactly what to work on loving and embracing about myself

i hope you can learn to love your true self too

————-

people have demons. i believe everyone has a good heart. this is leading off the zephyr paragraph bc he’s an example of a real human but it’s not about him.

i think all people are born innocent. theyre babies! completely and 100% being themselves. i think everyone has a good heart. nobody at their core wants to inflict misery on another. life is what you make of it and you are what life makes of you! it’s the universe!! we’re all connected to it and thus connected to each other so nobody at their heart of hearts wants to do anything to hurt the universe we are all a part of. but things happen! not everyone feels as strong a psychic connection to the universe. we have demons too. we have anxieties and jealousies and angers. they look like the wendigo to me. or centipedes. semi-translucent grey shapes lingering in the shadows. big ones stomp around making the floor shake. they rocks at you from a distance. they follow you when youre walking home alone at night. they whisper in your ear. they slither through your blood stream making your heart beat too fast then too slow and your hands cant stop shaking. they twist in your stomach and bubble up your throat. they wait until you aren’t looking to move.

do you do what they say? if you do that then maybe they’ll stop terrorizing you! they’ll leave you alone and you’ll spend the rest of your day worry-free. right?

wrong! everyone has demons! they don’t stop! but guess what? theyre not as strong as you think they are. don’t give in to them! they’ll invite their friends and by then you’ll have a real problem. demons breed demons. don’t feed the demons.

so what do you do? you can’t stop them and you can’t give in to them. should you fight? you could try that. you could try ignoring them too. i’m not really sure yet honestly. i know you shouldn’t feed them though. i’ve found ignoring them to be the easiest option, but it doesn’t kill them. so maybe it is a good idea to fight? fighting makes me tired, but the demons aren’t as strong as you think. tackling one or two a day shouldn’t be too hard and then i could take off weekends.

but wait, let me tell you that fighting the demons isnt a risk-free option. be prepared to lose to them every once in a while. but if they get you down, dont stay there. get right the fuck back up. finish the fight if you can or go home and take a nap to regain strength but dont just sit there in the dirt feeling defeated. never do that because you’re a fighter. life isn’t fair. everyone has demons and we’re all fighting our own battles.

so don’t judge people so harshly because you don’t know their battle. maybe their demon of the day is a level 2 maybe its a level 20. we all have good hearts and we all have demons. some of us have fallen for the demons and their tricks and that’s why we do bad things. the demons want to disrupt the universes cycle. i’m fighting them because i want to protect myself and everyone else. we’re all one

[deafeningcreationperson-blog]

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Im a new driver and my parents want to buy me an Acura TSX. I found one online and went to test drive it and found out it had been in a moderate car crash, but had been completely fixed and repaired.  I went to the mechanic and he ok'd the car for me. We want to buy it, but is the fact that the previous owner crashed it going to drive up the cost to insure it?

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I was thinking of getting Subaru Impreza 2.5 2007, but I wonder how much the insurance would be per month? I spoke to my parents already, they did agree as long as I'll pay. My step-father works in car service so he could do all the checks/tests or whatever it is called. I am in love with that car from ages, don't want anything else.""

Will buying a previously wrecked car drive up my insurance?

Im a new driver and my parents want to buy me an Acura TSX. I found one online and went to test drive it and found out it had been in a moderate car crash, but had been completely fixed and repaired.  I went to the mechanic and he ok'd the car for me. We want to buy it, but is the fact that the previous owner crashed it going to drive up the cost to insure it?

How much does insurance cost for a Nissan GTR and Mitsubishi Lancer?

How much does insurance cost for a Nissan GTR and Mitsubishi Lancer?

""With the new Obamacare, how do I get insurance if I am 19?""

I was looking at the calculator for the new Obamacare (google Obamacare calculator) and I noticed that there is not an option for someone under 19 getting insurance for themselves...and I am still considered a child. My family does not have insurance but I despereately need it, and was just wondering how some like me, a full time student and 19 years old with a part time job, gets insurance...or am I not allowed to have insurance because I am 19? I have never been able to afford insurance before, but now will it be more affordable? Sorry, this Obamcare thing confuses me but if this is a chance for me to get insurance I want to know all I can about it! Bt so far all i can gather is you have to be 21 or over to get your own insurance. And please don't tell me to get a full time job and get company provided health care...someone has told me that on an answer before and I stuggle just having a part time job and going to school full time...a full time job is just not plausible right now and NO I am NOT LAZY thank you very much.""

Would I be able to get sr22 insurance and drive a family car?

So I need sr22 insurance, but I dont own a car. I have heard two different answers on this from the same auto insurance company (vern fonk). I used to drive my familys car and I had asked them when I went in can I drive that car if I get sr22 insurance and they said no because they have insurance on it, but than when my dad said I could drive the car and that they didnt know what they were talking about I decided to call back. I explained it to the guy on the phone at vern fonk and he said if i get the non owners auto insurance than I can drive any car including theres because I would have liability insurance. Which one is true? because I would like to be able to drive again and cant afford a car right now.""

Need help getting affordable auto Insurance?

I'm 20 years old in Brooklyn NY I am a college student I live alone I don't speak to my father and my Mother is not here, I really need a car for work (i started my own business) and for my life in general The cheapest insurance quote I received was for $10350 a year, for the state minimal coverage I am looking something in the range of what normal people pay 1k-3k at best Please if anyone knows any schemes, tricks, deals, anything let me know And please non of thatpublic transit or that you shouldn't try to trick the system non of that.""

Can You Give Me Any Tips for Finding Low Cost California Medical Insurance?

Can You Give Me Any Tips for Finding Low Cost California Medical Insurance?

My dentist wants me to pay up front and have my insurance company reimburse ME?

I just went to the dentist today and had a filling. I have dental insurance, but the dentist wanted payment up front for the services. The receptionist said they require payment in full for the services on the day of service, and then they will send the insurance claim in to the company and eventually I will receive a reimbursement check. Isn't that what INSURANCE IS FOR??? So you DON'T have to pay????? I don't handle the cash in my family, so after much arguing about requiring payment up front, the receptionist agreed to let me walk out withouth paying, but expects me to have my husband pay by tomorrow. It just doesn't seem right that the dentist gets cash up front for the work, and then makes ME wait to get reimbursed by the insurance company... what the heck?""

Ticket for driving without insurance in florida?

Hello, I recieved a ticket in January for Driving without Insurance in Florida. The officer cited me 110$ and let me go, I stayed off the road for a few weeks immediately purchased insurance within 30 days. However my ticket is still unpaid due to lack of employment, bills and stuff and license just go suspended. Can someone explain to me if I go to the courthouse and pay the ticket without any proof of insurance, what will happen. Do I just pay it and thats it and then get my license reinstated? I really am lost, I make minimum wage i don't know what to do but i have to pay this ticket and fix my license i just don't know if they will arrest me on the spot cause i cannot furnish proof or what? My insurance lapsed pretty much because i lost my job.""

What kind of Certificate of Insurance do I need.?

Hi. I just found a new apartment and in the lease contract there is something about a Section 1940.5 of the California Civil Code. The code basically says that if I have a waterbed or fish tank that is over 5 gallons I need to provide the landlord with a certificate of Insurance in the amount of $100,000. What kind of insurance would I be looking for to cover this? I have a 18 gallon fish tank that I would like to keep. Thank you!""

What is a good health insurance plan for small business owners?

i currently have blue cross of california but they raised the premium. it is the worst insurance in the world and a ppo to boot, so i can barely pick my doctors. thank you in advance.""

What is the best health insurance for a newly married couple to get?

My husband and I just got married and are looking to get health insurance. we both can not get insurance through work. we live in arizona, my husband attends ASU. We are both involved in masters programs. We are looking to start a family poss. with in the year! what is the best coverage we can get, with our student incomes? thanks in advance for any advice / guidence you can provide!""

Looking for insurance to cover me?

lost my license and to get them back you have to have car that is insured,dont have car so the DMV said that i could insure myself.""

How much will it cost to insure a 1982 Z28 Camaro?

Well, I'm buying a 1982 Z28 Camaro, and I was wondering how much my insurance will jump. I don't really think it's fair that they charge soooo much. I'm 16, and male. Doesn't look good does it? I'd like estimates, preferably if you've insured a Camaro before. No referrals to a quote site, thanks :)""

Someone is try to commit car insurance fraud on my mom?

well my mom got in at fault accident she was the only one who was injured the guy who she knocked into was ok no sign of no injury, the guy is suing my moms insurance company (Geico) for possibly more then 10,000 in bodily injury which my mom only has 10,000/ 20,000 in bodily injury, let me say this again the guy is not injured AT ALL!!! The police that wrote up the report at scene will be super great witnesses to the scene the guy was ok, while my poor old mother had get stretched into a ambulance lucky her pip coverage covered her medical bills. Do you guys think he will win his claim with the type witness we have? Also there was a camera that caught the whole scene on video ( so another vital evidence) Is there anyway we can sue this guys for car insurance fraud or can geico do on out behalf?""

""What is the average insurance to run a home day care in San Diego, Ca? What about on rented property?""

I know that opening a daycare on someone else's property is a liability, but possible. Is there extra insurance needed? Do you talk with your landlord prior to renting the property? My father owns an apartment complex, and he said 'No way Jose' if one of his tenants would come to him with this proposition. How much is the average home day care insurance in San Diego, Ca? Thanks!""

Car accident/Insurance options?

a friend was trying to pull around a city bus that was idling for several minutes to catch a left turn on a green light ...when the bus went in closer to the curb, its backside jut out and her car swiped it she is a new driver and new to the country and she continued where she was going without stopping. pretty shook up. She claims she didn't think it was too bad, a swipe, the mirror was gone and she just took it as a loss. But when she got out, she realized there is damage all along the side, from front to back, including the mirror missing and a serious dent on the front passenger (the front is peeled back, exposing the hinge mechanism. Rain now gets in through the top as the seal is broken as well. She is insured and believes she has coverage but she's scared cause she left the scene. This was 3 weeks ago - there has been no follow up. She hasn't called the police but kept an eye out for whether or not it was reported and she needed to come forward. It was in a pretty run down part of town. Anyway - I don't know what to tell her so i'm coming here - can she report this to insurance and admit that she swiped a bus and didn't stop? Will they fix it, up her insurance, and move on or will they investigate into the bus - making her pay for the bus and having the legal issue of leaving the scene. - not sure what to tell her??? She's also considering just putting a new skin/shell on the door was affected - not seeing if this is possible though - replacing the entire door is expensive and seems unnecessary. Any insight is greatly appreciated.""

If I have homeowners insurance do I have to have hazard insurance as well?

I have home owners insurance already, do I need to keep paying hazard insurance? I live in New Mexico.""

How much would insurance be on a Pontiac Grand Prix GT or Grand AM GT for a 16 year old boy?

I'm getting my license soon and was wondering how much insurance rates would be for a 16 yr old boy with a Pontiac Grand Prix GT or Grand AM GT

Where to get the best auto insurance rates in Midwest.?

Just moved to the Midwest, besides the insurance giants are there any other good insurance companies out there that will save me a little money?""

Cheap insurance in michigan?

Hi i live in Taylor MI and im trying to find cheap insurance for a 2008 ford focus

If I got a car video-recorder is my car insurance going down?

I bought a video-recorder for my car as project.Keeping in mind cyclists and other motorist are driving mental sometimes in London can I get my insurance down if I got a recording device in my car.Did anyone managed to do that?

""Returned glasses, what about insurance?""

I got glasses from lenscrafters, my insurance company paid $194 and I paid $130 for the glasses. I kept getting headache after using these glasses so I returned them back to Lenscrafters. They paid my $130 but I would like to know what will happen to $194 that my insurance company paid to lenscrafters. When I asked lenscrafters they asked me to inform insurance company to revoke the transaction but I see that my insurance company has already paid them. Please let me know my next steps here.""

What is the CHEAPEST car insurance for a 21 year old male who never had his own policy?

What is the CHEAPEST car insurance for a 21 year old male who never had his own policy?

Cheapest Motorcycle insurance in Michigan?

Cheapest Motorcycle insurance in Michigan?

What are some cheap car insurance for first time drivers?

What are some cheap car insurance for first time drivers?

How much lesser is car insurance every 6 months ?

I pay car insurance every month. ON AVERAGE do you think I would pay less every 6 months?

Will buying a previously wrecked car drive up my insurance?

Im a new driver and my parents want to buy me an Acura TSX. I found one online and went to test drive it and found out it had been in a moderate car crash, but had been completely fixed and repaired.  I went to the mechanic and he ok'd the car for me. We want to buy it, but is the fact that the previous owner crashed it going to drive up the cost to insure it?

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