#That was...3-4 yrs ago? I never had really deep of an crush on her but still yeah. I guess it's bc she have so much i like/find attractive

[mrfoox]

Each and every time I think I'm over a person, I see them or hear them and im like... Shit no they're still the cutest, I wish I could be their silly gf /:

[felixeslee]

92 q tag

hello this tag is highkey irrelevant now but it’s been in my drafts for ages so !! laskdgjasodigjsaldkgasodigjasdg which is why i wont b tagging anyone bc im so late but !! yeah !! ok !! !!!!!!!!!1111!!! lets !! go !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

tagged by @hyuunjins @hyunjinh @straykiz and @dae-hwee from my w1 blog (lmaoo hi pindi this is sarah!! AIddgsdfk if youre aware of this blog but hope its ok if i do it here alskdg ) 

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. 

🌙 LAST

Drink: the water that I drank this morning!! Aka around 12 hrs ago asdgasdgoij pls stay hydrated kids 

Text Message: i texted my brother if he knew where my dad was lol,,,,,,, sldkjgaosidgj 

Phone Call: CALLED MY BROTHER BC HE WASNT RESPONDING MY TEXTS,,,,, he also didn’t pick up ldskgjsoidgjsldkgsjdg

Song you listened to: Goodbye My Love by Aileeeee <3 lovv 

Time you cried: TODAY ,,,, i was getting super anxious bc i didn’t know where my dad was ??? he was supposed to pick me up but he forgot abt me until like an hr later… sldkgjaosidgj 

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no :00 lmao i’ve never dated… ever alskdjgaoijsdf 

Kissed someone and regretted it: i havent had my first kiss yet HEH 

Lost someone special: unfortunately, yes :( 

Been depressed: sdgksjadoiglskdfosdijgalskdfaosdigjaksdgoaisdjf idk 

Been drunk and thrown up: lmao i’ve never drank ,,, at all,,,, the smell of alchohol scares me,,,,, evn my little brother has had a sip once and he’s 5 yrs younger LMAO ,,, but im a noob and don’t wanna try sldkgjosidjgs 

🌙 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yay yes yeslgkdgsdf

Fallen out of love: i dont think i’ve ever evn been in love…. Sdlgksjdoigj 

Met someone who changed you: yes,,,,,,,,, 

Found out who your true friends are: uhhhh idk aslkdgjaosidjf i honestly can never tell when someone’s being a fake friend so!!!!!! Idk honestly lmao

Found out someone was talking about you: i did ! but it wasn’t for anything bad or anything……… they just criticized me behind my back?? But i agreed w their criticism so alsdkjgaosidgj  

🌙 GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: ummm,,,, like 4?? We r mutuals evn though none of them r actually kpop blogs,,,, so i always feel guilty spamminig their aesthetic feed w my screaming tags and annoying shit LMAO but i lov them <3 

Do you have any pets?: NO :”( I WANT A DOGGO THO …. REALLY BAD…..

Do you want to change your name?: uhhh ik so many sarahs its not evn funny and my last name is hella basic too????? Theres 3 ppl that share my first+last name in my school alone….. So maybe i’d change it to my chinese name (yue) ?? also bc it sounds more sophisticated,, and i lov anything that makes me sound smarter than the reality of my dumb self LOL 

What time did you wake up this morning: LOL so my alarm rings at 6:40 but i get out of bed at 7:10 SLDGKJSODIF … and i need to get out of the house by 7:20 lsdkgsdoig 

What were you doing last night: physics and apush :SLDGJOSIDFJ the 2 most dreaded classes UGH

Something you cannot wait for: DINNER .. i love me some gud dinner

Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: thomas jefferson my mAN 

What’s getting on your nerves right now: when it’s so heckin cold i can’t concentrate + i hate taking notes when it’s cold??? Bc then my hands r like half numb and it HURTS WHEN I TAKE NOTES sldkgsoidjf ALSO WHEN I DRAW ,,,,, STIFF FINGERS R THE WORST WHEN DRAWING

Blood type: i think a????????????

Nickname: my most common ones r swisso + salad (i promise these make sense in context LOL ) 

Relationship status: return NullPointerException; //im a cs person,,, dont judge

Zodiac sign: capricorn!

Pronouns: she + her

Favorite show: i dont watch many shows but i love watching a gud studio ghibli movie when im feelin down

College: this QUESTION LSDKGJSODIGJ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wanna go to college but will any accept me ??!?!

Hair colour: its naturally black but it’s currently dyed ombre from black → brown !!!!!!

Do you have a crush on someone: i havent had a legit crush in 3 yrs lmao……. 

What do you like about yourself: the fact that im a deep sleeper. Idk how light sleepers function omg like wouldn’t u wake up to like,,,,, everything??! :((( that makes me sad bc u hav no idea how much i lov a nice long undisturbed slumber

   🌙 FIRSTS

First surgery: okAY so like i've had 2 procedures done on my eyes lmaooo like (1) when i was a smol beb of like 1 yr old i rolled off my bed aaaannnnddd the corner of my eye hit the edge of the sharp corner of the bedside table!!! and then y1ke$ things got ugly loll (((yes, i wuz dum + clumsy since the day i popped from the womb))) its all stitched up now and i hav a tinie tinie scar aslkdgs okay and (2) there was something weird abt my tearducts LOL so u know when u get sad nd stuff ur nose gets runny and u sniff a lot??? well like that wasn't the case for me bc the passage way from my eyes to my nose was completely blocked off,,,,, which resulted in me lookin like i was full blown cryin like every 2 seconds... like if i kept my eyes open for too long my eyes would get watery and tears would flow out LMAO ,,,, i looked like i just never stopped crying,,, but it was just my eyes were just ALWAYS WATERING sdlgjsdif damn u have no idea after the procedure i was like 'do ppl live like this??? not having to wipe tears every 0.2 sec??? oh my god,,, i am livin THE LIFE' 

First piercing: i hav no piercings!!! Bc stabbing holes thru myself scares me sdlkjgsoidg but i love the way earrings look tho so :///// 

First sport you joined: dance or gymnastics???? I dont rly remember

First vacation: CHINA prob???? 

First pair of sneakers: i think sketchers LMAO ,,, the big thing  

🌙 RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing!!!!!

I’m about to: do som sketches for my AP art class 

Listening to: my dad sing som old chinese folk stuff behind me LOL 

Want kids: i already adopted all 9 members of stray kids tho ??? idk if im ready for more atm 

Get married: LOL This question just reminded me of smol story from my childhood: so like i used to b rly close w these 3 other kids,,,, one other girl and 2 guys,,, and our parents were all rly tight too,, and our four families would just go camping together and it was rly :’’D fun and so we all made a pact that I would marry one of the guys and the other girl would marry the other guy and we’d all go camping together forever but then KINDERGARTEN HIT,,,, we moved schools and yeah im still rly close w the girl but i miss the 4 of us dkgjsodigjsdlkgsdf LOL 

Career: waterbottle 🌙 

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes? Eh idk i just never rly considered lips ?? LOL 

Hugs or kisses: hugs? I dont hav experience w kisses so sldkgjsoidgjsd yike syikes yikes 

Shorter or taller: TALLER

Troublemaker or hesitant: uhhhhh neither??? Like i just want someone playful + extroverted bc im quite introverted,,,,,,,,,, so if he was hesitant we’d just b super awkward and quiet,,, and i don’t like getting involved w sketchy troublemaker shit either LOL ,,, 

Older or younger: as long as they r in the same school grade level,,,, and i guess 1-2 yrs older is okaY? But lowkey freaks me out if too old 

Romantic or spontaneous: sldkgjsoidfj both? Like i lov someone who is unpredictable and spontaneous,,,, but on the other hand im lowkey a helpless romantic lasdkgjaoisdjf 

Sensitive or loud: both i guess too??? Its good to have someone understanding and sensitive but also someone who knows how to have fun  :) 

Hookup or relationship: hookups,,,,,,,, just dont make sense to me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i get attached to someone p easily so even if i dont plan on being attached,,,, i’d probably get attached :(  

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: YIKES no 

Drank hard liquor: nO 

 Lost contacts/glasses: UH I HATE THIS BUT YES….. 

Sex on first date: yikes * (6.02 *10^23) adkgaosidjgaslkdf no thaNK you 

Broken someone’s heart: i dont know,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i might’ve but maybe im just not aware ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but on a sidenote i think my old comupter science teacher gets a migrain everytime he sees me LOLLLLLL sdlgjsoidgjsldf 

Been arrested: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :0 

Turned someone down: yeah lmao i kinda feel bad tho bc they were all good ppl,,,,  lskjgosidjf but thankfully im still good friends and pretty tight w all of them ~  

🌙 DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: ocassionally i try to :’’D

Miracles: lol yes 

Love at first sight: i used to ? but not anymore,,,, like i believe u can be attracted to someone at first sight ?? but i feel like love cannot be attained thru visual contact only asldgjoasidjalsdg

[darlingjbum]

Get to Know Me Tag :))

thank you so much to my lovely @peachjy for tagging me ilysm !!!!

Rules: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

The Last:

1. drink: water lol 2. phone call: my sister 3. text message: wna go to a drive-in movie tonight? 4. song you listened to: coming home by jj project 5. time you cried: ummm it's been a while...maybe May bc finals lol i have super dry eyes i can't produce tears lmao 6. dated someone twice: no nope never lol 7. kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. been cheated on: nope 9. lost someone special: yeahp 10. been depressed: i'm not too sure 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: *hisses through teeth* what a night never again pls lol

List 3 Favorite Colors:

12-14. black/white, pale pink, gold

In The Last Year Have You: 

15. made new friends: yes !!!! 16. fallen out of love: nope 17. laughed until you cried: yes lol like 4 days ago it's the best feeling in the world heh 18. found out someone was talking about you: nah 19. met someone who changed you: yes yes dis is why i love college 20. found out who your friends are: idk.... 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: no i don’t think so 

General: 

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them i think 23. do you have any pets: I WISH !!!! i want a lil doggo so bad !!!! 24. do you want to change your name: nope 25. what did you do for your last birthday: i was in the Philippines for vacation and we threw a huge party/family reunion !!!   26. what time did you wake up: like 9ish 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: probs tumblr or watching youtube vids 28. name something you can not wait for: my new apartment !!! reuniting w/ college pals !!! got7's comeback !!! The jjp grazia photos lol !!! 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: last night 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i talked to people more when i was younger and i wish i filled out more scholarships aldjskkfk and i wish i was fluent in my mother tongues i can understand but have great difficulty when speaking lol sigh 31. what are you listening to right now: blessed by daniel caesar with hints of tv in the background lol 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: probably ????? 33. something that is getting on your nerves: rude people 34. most visited website: tumblr & youtube 35-37.  what dis ????????? 38. hair color: black 39. long or short hair: depends on the season, if that makes any sense lol but i'm currently trying to grow it out again 40. do you have a crush on someone: yes !! but can you crush on 7 people at the same time ??? but ily to the moon and back jaebum  41. what do you like about yourself: lolol umm my capricorn, my voice (like singing voice bc at all other times I sound gross lol), my calf muscles lol ???? 42. piercings: i have my doubles on my earlobes & my right helix & soon my left rook 43. blood type: y'know I should really know these things... 44. nickname: kat !! trina !! iris (my middle name) !! 45. relationship status: just no lmao cries   46. zodiac: lemme tell ya i am the definition of a capricorn, like heart and soul 47. pronouns: she/her 48. favorite tv show: parks and rec & how i met your mother both own me  49. tattoos: two are planned and i want them so bad but oh boi my parents would kill me 50. right or left handed: right 51. surgery: nope 52. piercing: refer to 42 lol 53. sport: i'm not good at any but i like watching swimming and soccer 54. vacation: oh boi the list is long but my top is italy, greece, korea, japan, more of the philippines bc mother country and still i have not seen enough !!! and harry potter world PLS 55. pair of trainers: vans & adidas

More General: 

56. eating: everything all the time ever also I love mediterranean food, all asian foods, and Pluckers™ w/ all my heart 57. drinking: water water water 58. i’m about to go: binge watch bride of the water god while packing 59. waiting for: classes to start but idk if this is good or bad yet lol 60. want: this is cringey sorry lol to be happy, to be in love, to travel, to find lifelong friends 61. get married: pls I hope so 62. career: idealistically a writer/poet but realistically, though these are still my dream jobs, a surgeon or p.a. in a surgical department 

Which Is Better:

63. hugs or kisses: both both both 64. lips or eyes: both both both 65. shorter or taller: taller 66. older or younger: older 67. nice arms or nice stomach: nice biceps get to me i'm a mess 68. hookup or relationship: relationship pls 69. Troublemaker or hesitant: both ????? also neither ????  i'm hesitant until the last minute then just oh well lol

Have You Ever:

70. kissed a stranger: ummmmmm nopeeeeeee 71. drank hard liquor: *hisses through teeth* well college 72. lost glasses/contact lenses: yes yes contacts lenses hate me also I wouldn't be surprised if I have some stuck behind my eyes rn 73. turned someone down: in like the 5th grade maybe lol idk what boys are now 74: sex on the first date: nope 75. broken someone’s heart: lol I don't think so 76. had your heart broken: like a eighth of it lol but jeez i couldn't imagine what all of it would feel like just an eighth sucked…too deep ?? 77. been arrested: LOL lkjdgfaljhas nah...there is an almost story...but i'm a good kiddo i promise  78: cried when someone died: yes 79. fallen for a friend: yes aka the beginning of the end lolol

Do You Believe In:

80. yourself: yes, you have to !! 81: miracles: sometimes !!! 82. love at first sight: no not really lol 83. santa claus: lol nah my dad ruined that at like 3 yrs old 84. kiss on the first date: maybeeeee…if it feels right this was cringey sorry lol 85. angels: yes yes @ got7  

Other:

90. current best friend’s name: my other half and basically my sister aka jacqueline aka @marksmami (i know you see this and i love youuu) 91: eye color: dark brown   92: favorite movie: aksjhfaskj that's too hard !!! but i love romcoms and movies set in olden times bc costumes and dialogue am i a grandma ?? 

tagging: @jaybleep  @imjaebeomtrash  @redgyeomie  @marksmami  @choiyoungjae  @flyera  @shelovesjinyoung  @jinyoungslover  @icarusjjp  @markificent  @sugarplumjae @jj-prxject  @jj-nyoung  @itsjjptime  @mumbleybummie  @softpinkyugyeom  @jacksonwangblog  @jbssi  + all my  lovely mutuals !!!!!!

this was so so so much fun to do !! and i know ya’ll have probably been tagged already and i’m so sorry to keep tagging you lol but i really wna get to know all of you 💕💕💕 !! but of course only do it if you want to !! 

[roman-reigns-princess]

Cat & Mouse (Roman Reigns): Chapter 1

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Read it on Wattpad Writing Masterlist

Summary: In a world of werewolves, and shapeshifters, WWE is a hotspot for such creatures. Lyra and her older half brother’s team are no different. Ever since she joined the company, Lyra and Roman had been undeniably attracted to each other, but nothing good ever comes easy. Will Lyra and Roman give in to each other? Or will Seth come between his sister and her happily ever after? 

Warnings (will be edited as fic goes on): 18+, will be NSFW at some point, age difference (I guess? Idk what people consider an age difference, but I won’t specify her age, all Ima say is she’s like a couple yrs younger than Seth), smut (later on in the fic), Alpha!Roman

Lyra (OFC) Face Claim: Becky G (as she is now, not in 2014)

Word Count: 1441

A/N: This fic is set in Jan 2014 around the Royal Rumble (pls ignore the fact that the gif is post shield, he’s so cute). Honestly Seth and Dean are pretty irrelevant to the story and will probs only be here for like the 1st & 2nd chap, I just needed the Shield dynamic for angst btwn Roman and Lyra lmao. This is like my first actual fic in years so pls go easy on me 😅

Tag List (if anyone wants to be added, let me know): @m-a-t-91 @mrsamberlopezgoodanoai @simulated-heat @greatbreadwizard @hoodgirl163 @sabrina-the-champ @thiickreigns @alexahood21 @ii-love-roman-reigns @queenreignsempire @flawlessglamazon @not-that-kinda-gurl08 @x-fivefoot  @finnbalorsdemonqueen @romanempirefics @rocketgirl2410 @sausagefest1996 @vebner37 @macfizzle @cute-face-chubby-waist @wwefoever70 @horcruxhunter5972

--------------------------------------------------------

Lyra rushed to pack up her station; RAW was done for the day and it was less than a week till the Royal Rumble, so things were getting hectic even for makeup artists such as herself.

She was traveling with her brother and his partners as usual, and they always bugged her about packing up quicker. She scrambled around, frantically searching for her brushes; every other make up bag was packed away in her roller bag, except that one.

She grumbled to herself, knowing that Seth was going to chew her out for being late again. She got down on her hands and knees to check if she’d accidentally kicked it under a table, when a strong arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her up, making her yelp in alarm.

“As much as I love seein you with your ass in the air, we really gotta go, baby girl,” Roman’s deep voice rumbled in her ear as he set her on her feet; she could feel her face turning red as she stepped away. She just knew he’d be smirking when she turned to glare up at the Alpha standing behind her in his cargo style pants and a plain black t-shirt.

“I’m almost done, I’m just looking for one more thing,” she replied, choosing to ignore his blatant flirting.

Ever since she’d joined WWE as one of their permanent makeup artists, she’d caught the attention of WWE’s infamous Thoroughbred Alpha; Roman and her would flirt at any chance they got, constantly trying to find new ways to tease each other without Seth finding out.

But to Lyra’s dismay, Roman never let it go any further than a drunken New Years kiss; she knew he found her attractive, he never failed to let her know, but she couldn’t figure out if he was holding back because she was Seth’s sister, or perhaps he didn’t want to get involved with a half-human, half-shifter like her. Part of her wondered if he’d go further if she was half-werewolf, like her brother, instead of half-human.

Either way it left her frustrated and even more determined to get him to fuck her; but that moment wasn’t the right time for it, Seth was already annoying her with his rather hypocritical lectures about how he basically expected her to be a nun, she didn’t need him to bitch her out about punctuality.

“Hey girl, you left this by my station,” said one of the other girls working makeup that night, holding out a little black bag, her eyes flitting between Lyra and Roman before settling on the shifter with an amused look.

“Oh fuck, thanks, I nearly lost my shit when I couldn’t find my brushes,” Lyra said with a nervous laugh as she took the bag from the girl who gave them a small nod and walked away while Lyra stuffed the brushes into her roller bag and zipped it up. “Alrighty, I’m all done.”

“Okay we gotta hurry, think you can keep up? Or do I gotta carry you?” He said, grabbing the handle of her bag in one hand and her forearm with his other, dragging them both after him.

“Shut the fuck up, Reigns,” she huffed, barely managing to snatch her purse off the table as she struggled to keep up with his long strides, making him laugh in return.

She was thankful that the exit was fairly close as her short legs were starting to burn by the time they made it there; Seth had already pulled the car up with Dean riding shotgun. Her brother honked loudly at them, resulting in both Lyra and Roman flipping him off.

“Go ahead and get in, I’ll put your bag in the trunk with the rest of the shit,” said Roman, giving her ass a light smack, she shot him a dirty look but his back was turned to her. She got into the car behind Seth, and Roman joined soon after.

“Took you guys long enough,” Seth grumbled as he sped out of the arena parking lot, heading for the highway that would take them to their next destination.

“Hey don’t look at me, not my fault the little princess here couldn’t keep track of her shit,” Roman said with a shrug.

“Don’t throw me under the bus like that, asshole,” she hissed, punching his arm, which had absolutely no effect on him, but certainly made her regret that decision as her knuckles met hard muscle.

“I’m not gonna take the fall for you when you’re bein’ an irresponsible child,” he retorted, she rolled her eyes, scoffing as she pulled out her phone rather than reply. “Yo, Dean, move your seat up, man, I’m dyin’ back here.”

“You ain’t the only one with long legs, dude,” replied Dean.

“Fine, fine,” Roman muttered; Lyra was busy texting Naomi, whom she’d grown close with over the past few months, so she paid no attention to them until she suddenly found herself being crushed by the large Samoan as he took it upon himself to stretch out across the back seat.

“What the-damnit, Roman, get off me, you’re too big,” she squeaked, trying to push him off.

“Bet that’s not the first time he’s heard that,” Dean snorted, earning a fist bump from Roman, and cackle from Seth.

“Well, if you sit on my lap it’ll work out better for the both of us,” Roman suggested, shifting off of her temporarily. Lyra’s eyes snapped to her brother, or rather the back of his seat, wondering if he’d have a problem with it, but he didn’t seem to care as he hummed along to some 80s song playing on the radio.

“Okay, fine,” was her only reply; she was not going to say no to an opportunity to be pressed up against Roman, even if she was a little annoyed at him.

A year ago she would’ve refused the offer because shifters weren’t pack creatures, but after being around the Shield, and other werewolves in the company, she began to adapt to their pack mentality and the lack of personal boundaries with close friends.

Biting her lip, she moved to sit sideways on Roman’s lap, expecting him to leave her be, but to her surprise he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him so that her back was flush against his warm chest while he moved to stretch across the back seat. She couldn’t help but feel tiny as her smaller frame lay on top of his much larger one.

She was a little surprised at how relaxed she felt in his arms, but that feeling was soon replaced by tension when she felt his lips pressed up against her right ear.

“You see, babe, I’m great at making big things fit, I’ve had lots of practice,” Roman said soft enough so that only Lyra heard it. She felt the blood rush to her face, and she elbowed him in response, not trusting herself to say something, but she knew just how to get back at him.

“Anyone want a lollipop?” She asked as she opened up her purse; she smirked inwardly as she felt Roman shift beneath her.

“What’re you, a five year old?” Dean quipped, making her kick the back of his seat. “Hey, watch it, don’t think I won’t kick your ass just cause you’re Seth’s baby sis.”

“Calm down, the both of you,” Seth said, sounding more than a little exasperated. “And I’ll take grape.”

“You always finish my grape pops,” she grumbled as she handed one to him and picked out a cherry flavoured one for herself. “You’re buying me my next bag of candy.”

“Whatever, kiddo,” he replied; she contemplated hitting his seat too, but settled on unwrapping her lollipop instead.

“Roman,” she said, looking up to find his eyes transfixed on the candy in her hand as she gave it a slow lick. “D'you want one too?”

“I, uhm, what, oh,” Roman cleared his throat, his arms tightened around her as she swirled her tongue around the lollipop; he forced himself to meet her eyes as she blinked up at him innocently. “I’m all good, babe, you just keep licking and sucking like a good girl.”

“Mmmhmm,” was her only response as she sucked on it, hollowing her cheeks out. She couldn’t help but feel smug when he finally averted his eyes, mumbling under his breath about how this was going to be a long journey.

She wriggled around in his arms until she found a position she liked, not that any position that involved her on top of Roman could ever be uncomfortable, but she wanted to tell Naomi about this, and she certainly couldn’t have Roman looking at her phone. While it may be a long journey for Roman, it was going to be a fun ride for her.

[thiccandmentallysicc]

Get to know me:

Tagged by talented/total babe @offansandflames ♡

Rules: answer 92 83 statements (i skipped some boring ones srry), tag whomever you please.

THE LAST. 1. Drink: pabst blue ribbon, yes im white trash 2. Phone call: mom 3. Text message: my bestfriend 4. Song you listened to: keaton henson, to your health 5. Time you cried: erm a lil yesterday but like deep convo tears

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice?: a relit ciggarette never tastes the same 7. Kissed someone and regretted it?: Not enough to recall at the moment. 8. Been cheated on?: I haven’t taken many partners, so to my knowledge, no? 9. Lost someone special?: Yes 10: Been depressed: :,) 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: my life from 15-19 tbh, not in the party, neurotypical fashion more along the Wtf Pls exPlain type way or for shits n giggles

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14. Baby pink and blue, black.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends?:Yes if online counts? Very beautiful and enchanting spirits who i already love 16. Fallen out of love?: never do if its real, cuz im a romantic//also think u always care a little for those you really loved 17. Laughed until you cried?: yesterday actually like rllllly good because my girl dropped her entire jug of wine right before opening it. The universe flicked us off dirty. 18. Found out someone was talking about you?: Yeah, some good, some bad, some wild. Idk. 19. Met someone who changed you?: Yes some beautifully, made me fonder, some not so lovely but thats ok (try to make it ok) 20. Found out who your friends are?: I have fucking one bestfriend who i hold to that certain standard shes my lover/ soul mate and weve been through a fucking ride n shes still my number one. If others let me down i find ways to make it bittersweet. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list?: yus GENERAL 22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life?: Idk some r family and people from all the schools i went to. I dont care for facebook much. 23. Do you have any pets?: one black, perfect cat with lil rays of auburn going down her back, i named her clementine. Also 4 dumb n rlly cute dogs live with me. I like one a lot, Luna, shes my princess. (Yes i admit favorites idgaf/ she also knows she’s my fav n takes advantage) 24. Do you want to change your name?: mydad originally wanted to name me Xena (after xena princess warrior) whom i developed an intense crush on later. 25. What did you do for you last birthday?: yo lol i dont know i turned 22 i just had drinks and smoked with my bestfriend 26. What time did you wake up?: didnt check, i usually wake up multiple times n go back to sleep If i can 27. What were you doing midnight last night?: either in my gfs car or just getting home 28. Name something you can’t wait for?: my classes to start again, mini roadtrip to Gainesville and maybe being able to see my little cousin soon. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: lik e 2 seconds ago. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life?: sjdufjekwns 31. What are you listening to right now?: Keaton Henson 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: lol nah not that i remember 33. Something that’s getting on your nerves?: the state of the Union, how 2 get my smol dogs to stop barking, why do ppl have to live w abusers and when will my witch powers allow me to cast them off into The Void, my general discomfort n lack of motivation. To casually name a few ,, 34. Most visited website?: ao3, Tumblr RANDOM SHIT: 35. Mole/s?: lol?? Moles can b cute, i have a few. 36. Mark/s?: plenty, one in particular tho i have on my upper forehead not like harry potter sttle unfortunately, its all hidden near my scalp 37. Childhood dream?: i always wanted to do something that would let me swim with humpback whales in natural habitat ofcourse or track the lives n rituals of wolves and then i was like mayb ill just be aschool counsler, all of which i still kinda wana do. 38. Hair color?: blonde 39. Long or Short hair?: i have medium length hair but i like both 40. Do you have a crush on someone?: I literally always have a crush on someone, idk crushes to me means you make me happy and blushy and if you make me laugh, i crush. 41. What do you like about yourself?: i could say i like how i am when im with someone i love. N that some ppl are able to confide in me, id say my empathy but idk i can be a fuckface too. 42. Piercings?: tongue I got snakebites, industrial, bellybutton, reg ol ear piercings too. 43. Bloodtype?: i dont know o.O 44. Nickname?: cookie monster when i was younger, lali, lion, coocoomanga(my dad) renren, rin, my mom says lil shit endearingly and i got the habit. 45. Relationship status?: basically married 46. Zodiac sign?: Aries 47. Pronouns?: She/they 48. Favorite t.v show?: i binge and am not ashamed, supernatural, classic spongebob, south park, parks n rec, modern fam, a haunting, me and my mom watch ancient aliens 2gether , Steven Universe, Adventure Time, the fucking x files, malcolminthemiddle, etc, my animes as well are all shoved in here in my heart. Naruto/free/haikyuu/oourans host club/ HxH etc 49. Tattos: 5 and one on the way, matching one with my love 50. Right or left hand: Righty most def 51. Surgery?: luckily no 52. Hair dyed in different colors?: I maintain the blonde i had at like six, its naturally dirty brownish? At one point i dyed it platinum tho 53. Sport?: In my anime MORE GENERAL 54. I’m about to?: Finish some arts and crafts for some letters im making (: and then a smol walk 55. Waiting for?: some inspo, 56. Get married?: its not very important to me. But if my partner became passionate about it i would be rite there w em 57. Career?: I’m majoring in psychology/minor in education WHICH IS BETTER? 58. Hugs or kisses?: depends on who but I’m a sap for both 59. Lips or eyes?: Eyes, give me them soulful orbs 60. Shorter or taller?: no preference 61. Older or younger?: You can be a shithead at any age, so no preference. 62. Nice arms or nice stomach?: eh,, not sure to be honest. I love hands and forearms, so i suppose arms? 63. Sensitive or loud?: u gotta be both at least every now and then. Either extreme will be bothersome though 64. Hook up or relationship?: eh past experiences make hook ups generally uncomfortable n left me feeling ace/aceromantic for a good portion of my teen yrs but im not impartial 65. Troublemaker or hesitant: ive calmed down but im not hesitant unless my gut says so HAVE YOU EVER? 66. Kissed a stranger?: yes 67. Drank hard liquor?: yes 68. Lost glasses/contacts?: glasses, yes. 69. Turned someone down?: as a chick in miami ¿¿¿ of fucking course 70. Sex on the first date?: lol yes 71. Broken someone’s heart?: seems dramatic i dont feel like i have sincerely done that, just hurt them. 72. Had your heart broken?: In a way mostly by close friends / family 73. Been arrested?: when i was 15 for dumb shit like trespassing 74. Cried when someone died?: yes 75. Fallen for a friend?: i crush on all my friends because i love alot DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 76. Yourself?: Yes because Rock Lee would want me to 77. Miracles?: i think miracles are a byproduct of a fucking amazing universe. 78. Love at first sight?: i think of it as a magnetic pull n interest not love 79. Santa Clause?: i fucking love christmas, idgaf 80. Kiss on the first date?: yup OTHER 81. Current bestfriend?: @mariekankerr 7 years n countin babe 82. Eyecolor?: blue 83. Favorite Movie?: Lilo and Stitch, Pulp Fiction, The Iron Giant, A Fish Called Wanda, Murder By Death, Knights of the Round Table, mel brooks in general, The Changeling (bt like the oroginal one not w Angelina jolie it came out in like the 90s?) Spirited Away, Clue, Hot Chicks, A Bronx Tale I tag: @shamelesssasukestan @hotmessmuffin @narutoandsasukearecanon and i suck at this so just go for it and tag me so i can lurk on u

[nataliesmagicaladventure]

For Posterity

Wow, I bet you guys all forgot that you were following me, this wordy blog that only pops up on your dash once every few months to spew angst. You might not even remember why you followed me in the first place, and are looking at the “unfollow” button as it taunts you, but you’re still kinda curious. Who is this girl (I’m Natalie) and why do I follow her (I used to blog about Disney and the dcp) and how come she only comes and goes from my life when her life is falling apart (I’m selfish)? Well, guys, here’s a long post under the cut about my weekend, with a little bit of back story sprinkled in, if you dare to approach.

Catch Up

Quick background as to what I’ve been up to. I’m still at that same job I’ve posted about hating so much for the last year and a half. Yep. I’ve been there one year and five months now. I cannot even believe it myself. I have the same boss and the same office mate. However, since the start of 2017, our office dynamics have been shifting a bit. The officemate has been sensing my days are numbered since the day I started, but now his days too are numbered. He’s going back to school in the fall so his day, too, are numbered. Also, the three of us (boss, officemate, and I), have been spending some extracurricular time together. We went to a Packer party in January where I got absolutely trashed and made a fool of myself (and the Packers lost). Then on Valentine’s Day, we all started playing Tuesday night trivia together every week. It’s been an experience for sure. It’s become a weekly occurrence for me to have 3-4 beers (always IPAs with higher ABV because I’m human garbage) and then to say one or two things that I definitely regret the next morning and pray that upon walking into the office no one remembers me saying. It’s cool (also humiliating). 

There are some other things that have been building for a while between the officemate and myself. Not sexual tension or anything. He’s in a happily committed relationship and I’m happily so irritated by all human beings that I have no desire to be in any sort of relationship, sexual or otherwise (I’m still working through issues that arose from that one thing that happened to me at a party back in Florida although it’s been like a year and a half but I’m still not huge on being touched in any capacity). But there is a sort of camaraderie. Friendship? I have a friend crush on him, I think. Like, I just want to be apart of his world. 

Well, I pushed my shitty self into his life this weekend. And that is why I have come here to write this obnoxiously long post. I want to capture this weekend to remind myself that I am capable of being a human dumpster fire and also still come out the other side feeling damn good about myself. To start, we should discuss my Vision Quest (more backstory). 

The Vision Quest

A few weeks ago my boss walked into our office and said to me, “Natalie, what is that one thing you want to do this summer?” And I looked at her blankly like, what the fuck? And she kept pushing. What do you want to do? What do you want to accomplish? Well, what she does not know is that I am planning on moving. And I don’t mean, move out of my parents place into the city (oh yeah, I’m still with Mom and Dad). I mean, move move. Out of state. Out of mind. Denver, Salt Lake, Austin, Charlotte, Nashville. Those are my options. I want SLC or Denver. My best friend Nicole wants Austin (she was born and raised there, and that’s where her mom lives) or maybe Denver/Boulder. But I did comment that I’m going to Utah this summer (for Nerdtacular) so I guess that’s my Big Thing. 

She told me I needed something else. She’s right. I’ve been pretty depressed the last few months. Not debilitating like it has been in the past, but I’ve definitely had a mood shift. I’ve never been the most happy-go-lucky person, but there are some day I would just drag myself into work and barely able to function as a human being all day. I’d stare into the middle ground. I’d get agitated and angry at homemakers and clients over dumb shit. I’d snap like a motherfucker at the officemate. I’d almost always apologize, but I definitely would snipe at him unjustly. So I said I needed a Vision Quest. 

When I said I needed a Vision Quest, I meant it mostly as a joke. Also, in the sense of culturally appropriating Native American folklore of going through a series of trials and coming out a man on the other end. That’s what I was talking about. The officemate interpreted my Vision Quest and I need to try psychedelics. He didn’t say that directly, but he linked me to an episode of The Simpsons where Homer eats a hot pepper that sends him on a psychedelic trip. He out of the blue started sending me articles about 60s counterculture, and more specifically, Owsley Stanley. Jokes on him, because what he didn’t know about me is that my senior year high school research paper was a 20 page long research paper into how drug culture impacted American history starting in the 1940′s to present (2011 present). I find all of that shit so fascinating to begin with, so then I spent my day at work listening to songs about the counterculture and psychedelics and in a Wikipedia wormhole clicking link and link to learn about so many different kinds of drugs that are lesser know variant of lsd. 

But do not mistake this for me wanting to drop acid with my officemate. That is definitely not something I have any intention of doing. (At least for now. Again, changing dynamics). Nicole and I have joked about how it’s so goddamn weird that he has not at all broached the topic of smoking weed together (like a normal goddamn person who would want to do drugs with their coworker) but he went right to “we should do psychedelics, a deeply profound and person experience, together.” 

As Nicole and I would joke about that, I did say, I’d smoke with the officemate any day. It’s the lsd that gave me pause. That was about a month ago now. But I never thought that would be a line I’d cross with him. Until...

Last Week

We’ll get there. I’ll let those words hang. I mean, we all know where that’s going so I will fill in how this last week has gone. The officemate is huge into a jam band. The kind of thing where he travels around the country seeing them and getting into them, and this week they were on his home turf for a three night event, and the officemate’s 100th show was set to be night two. 

The officemate invited us to join him on either night 1 or 3. He mostly wanted us there on night 1, though. I, though, have *spoiler alert* debilitating anxiety that makes it hard for me to believe that any would actually want to hang out with me. He asked the boss and I to go with him and I said “hahah, yes” cause I thought it was a goddamn joke, and then I proceeded to feel so much anxiety about it leading up to it because I was convinced he didn’t actually want us there. The boss also said that she would go. So come Thursday, the boss actually went to the show with him and I... Went to trivia with my friends out in Burlington, a half hour past where I live, which is already a half hour outside the city. So I was a solid hour away from Milwaukee, four Landsharks deep with my friends, rocking our nearly perfect trivia game, when he texts me. Are you seriously not coming? The weight of guilt hit me so hard in that moment. He wanted me there and I stood him up. 

I felt like shit. I also kind of just regretted not going. It has been so long since I’ve done something outside of my comfort zone (anxiety, depression, that sort of thing) that I hated that I couldn’t bring myself to go. So at work on Friday, he gave me so much shit about it, but I kind of just let it go. I felt better. My anxiety was easing up. I had nothing to worry about, and then he said to me just as he was heading out the door Friday afternoon You should seriously come tomorrow night. I brushed it off. Yeah, Maybe. I’ll text you tomorrow? 

Full disclosure: I wasn’t going to go. Again, I’m still not convinced that he wanted me there. Sure, the boss went on Thursday and had a great time, but how much fun could that have been for him? Partying with his boss? And the next day the boss comes in chatting about the clouds of smoke hanging low over the crowd. Sweet, sweet innocent boss. And I’m sure I can hang just as well as the officemate. Well, maybe not as well, but I can hang! I’m cool! I’m hip! I can do the drugs! (Convinced?) 

Saturday Afternoon

Saturday my sisters and I took the dogs to the dog park in the morning. It was finally a day that hinted at spring. Afterwards, Sam and I ran to Target and then we had to hit up my cousin’s daughter’s first birthday party. 

Here’s where I had a Come-to-Jesus moment with one of my cousin’s. She 31, has three kids, and really did a good job at embracing “life.” Despite having her first kid at 21, and then subsequently going through a series of pregnancies and miscarriages, before having her son, and then later another daughter, my cousin has lived a life. She, too, is major into following around a jam band across the country. Not as much as she used to being a 31 yr-old mother of three, but her three kids have each been to more Phish concerts in their short 10, 6, and 3 years on this earth than I have been to any concert ever. But she’s getting older and tired. So Saturday we were sitting and chatting. 

“You look tired, did you go out last night?” No, I’m just tired. “What are you plans for tonight?” Nothing, probably just going to take a nap. “You used to have so much fun. What happened?” (Editor’s Note: The first and best people I ever get in trouble with are my cousins. They were the first people I got stoned with. The first people I go drunk with. The first people I’ve ever pursued guys in bars with. But all of that was a long time ago. I first smoked weed with them at 12. Drunk at 13. We’d troll “Up North” Bars when I was 14/15/16. But now I’m 24.) I’m getting old Heather. “Shut up. You are not old. Wanna see Beauty and the Beast with me and the kids tonight?” Maybe. I’m not sure. “I just can’t believe that you have no plans whatsoever. Nothing.” Well, the guy I work with offhandedly invited me to UM tonight. “Oh. You. Are. Going.”

And so I went. 

Umphrey’s McGee and My Life

I was late, not shockingly. I met his friends. It was uncomfortable. I pounded two beers and did three shots of whiskey in, oh, I don’t know. Fifteen minutes? That’s the thing about my anxiety. When I’m anxious in social situations with alcohol, I immediately start throwing them back like your drunk uncle at Christmas that no one wants to be there but no one has the heart to un-invite. That’s how I got so goddamn trashed at the Packer party. I was really anxious so I just started drinking because I didn’t know what else to do. 

I didn’t really talk to anyone. His one friend made polite small talk with me, but that was about it. And then he leaned over to me, before the show started, and said, “You wanna go on that Vision Quest tonight?” To my SHOCK AND HORROR, I said, “I mean, what do you have in mind?” What I should have said was no. But don’t worry guys, this isn’t a post about my first lsd experience! He said, “Hah, yeah, not tonight. It’s too late. Some other time though.” And then, just about as the house lights go down he leans in close to my ear and whisper/shouted (remember, voices travel weird at concerts) “Can I ask you a weird question?” Yeah, what? “Have you, ever, in your life, been high?” I didn’t give a standard yes or no, because that’s not what I do. I said, What kind of question is that? “When was the last time?” Not since October, I don’t smoke like I used to. “Alright, then be careful with this shit.” And he hands me a goddamn vape pen. Here’s the thing I know about me and vaping instead of traditional smoking. I get always get too high, too fast. It’s too easy for me to inhale and too hard for me to judge how much I’m taking in. I know this about myself. But I never seem to learn from past experiences. SO OF COURSE I take a really solid drag. OF COURSE. Always. EVERY TIME. I know better. Then I enjoy the show. And a joint comes my way, and I take a good drag, because I’m better at smoking joints. And then the officemate hands me his whiskey and I take another pull from the flask. And then he refills my now empty beer cup with beer from his can. And then the joint comes back. And then an e-cig appears out of nowhere. And a pipe. So I’m smoking four different kinds of weed from four different sources, drinking whiskey and beer. And I’m having a goddamn great time. 

At set break I vow to stop drinking and smoking. I do have to drive back to my bullshit suburb after all. But I get one Blue Moon to wash down everything else. And then the second set starts. And the vape pen comes back. And I say no, because I’m an adult and the officemate says “C’mon, we’ll figure something out about getting you home.” oof. I keep smoking. We polish off the whiskey. We share a bottle of water (thank god) and then we share a beer. 

The show ends. I cannot drive home. 

What to do. What to do.

I panicked. I was sobering up enough to know that I cannot drive home but I also have no other options. I don’t know what to do. I consider calling my sister, but she had decided conveniently to not go by her boyfriend’s that night. Her boyfriend lives five blocks from the theatre, that would have been ideal. Officemate offers to let me go back to his place. But it’s weird. We’re both weird about it. Neither of us want it to happen. 

I’m still panicking. And apologizing. and panicking. and apologizing. We get a lyft back to his place. The whole fifteen minute ride to his side of town, I apologize profusely. We keep saying things that are hazy that both of us agree we will not repeat on Monday. I make him swear that we will not talk about this ever again. I do not want this to come up on Monday. I don’t want the boss to know that I spent the night at his place. He says I’m never gonna live it down. I tell him it sucks that I have to quit my job. 

We get back to his place. It’s weird. We sit on his couch and he asks me what I want to watch. It’s Always Sunny is my chill out show. So we watch it for an hour. His roommate came back with some other guy and when they saw that I was there, they decided that both of them would crash at a different friend’s place to give us space? Mind you, the officemate is in a long term committed relationship with someone else. So now it’s weird. Even weirder. His roommate wants to get out of our way? What does he thinks gonna happen? Not to mention that they both have their own rooms. Nothing was going to happen that was going to bother anyone. But so they left.

We pass out. I woke up about three hours later, about 6:30. I peed. Grabbed my shoes. Snuck out. Got a lyft back to my car on the other side of town. Got no parking tickets and did not get towed (personal win bc I was definitely parked in a no parking after midnight zone). Haven’t heard from him all day. I’m glad.

Today

Some unique challenges of living with your parents is doing your walk of shame for the first time in front of them. Walking into the house at quarter after 7 in the morning, tired, reeking of weed and beer, blood shot eyes, unamused, while Mom and Dad are sitting at the kitchen table putting together their shopping list for the week while eating a well rounded breakfast. They smiled at me, asked me if I had fun. I shrugged. Then went to bed. 

But honestly, can we talk about something cheesy and dramatic? I cannot stop smiling. My depression has been so ever-present lately that I did not realize I have been depressed. The signs have been there. People have pointed it out to me. But I’ve been ignoring them. But today, I have felt no anxiety, no exhaustion, no irritation. I’ve just been feeling so good about myself. Literally, I feel really good about The Future. 

The officemate kept joking that this was going to be a life changing experience for me, and while I don’t think it’s wholly life changing, I do think it’s exactly what I needed. I needed to get pushed outside of my comfort zone. And for once, I don’t dread going to work tomorrow. I’m not nervous about facing the officemate. I snuck out without anyone noticing. I just disappeared. And I’m excited at the prospect of us hanging out again in a similar setting. I like stoned/drunk Officemate. He’s a different person but I like that person a lot.