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#The Problem with Marital Loneliness
clemsfilmdiary · 2 years
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Le Chat (1971, Pierre Granier-Deferre)
5/3/22
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in a spiral of looking up statistics and analysis of men's experiences of ipv and sexual violence and it is legitimately amazing the sheer amount of impact that the pair of studies that found female perpetration was more common back in like 2016 (the first was talked about in hannah rosin's slate piece "when men are raped" and then both were talked about in 'how often do women rape men?' in the atlantic). and i think that this is pretty par for the course, but it cannot be removed from what we also know about the media’s tendency to sensationalize female perpetrators of violence and greater media bias regarding women as perpetrators of violence, in which female perpetrators are given an outsized focus compared to male perpetrators. also in which the femaleness of a perpetrator of violence is treated as notable, while the sex of male perpetrators is treated as incidental.
but beyond that, the narrative here does represent one in which many people are seeking out information in search of a problem. these came out right before #MeToo, but in the midst of the 2016 presidential election in which sexual violence against women became a flashpoint after the release of the access hollywood tape and the general knowledge of donald trump's several accusations of sexual assault or impropriety (as well as hillary clinton's husband, former president bill clinton's own accusations of sexual violence and impropriety against him, which were weaponized by donald trump in at least one debate explicity, where he brought some of clinton's 'alleged' victims and had them sit in the front row). and since the decline of 2010s consent feminism and its focus on rape culture (which imo peaked in the mainstream with the obama presidency initiative "it's on us," somewhat ironically helmed by joe biden, to address on campus sexual assault, there has been a pivot in discourse on sexual violence, with an explicit and repeated desire to abandon the gendered framework in which we understand sexual and domestic violence.
some of this is good. i think it is worthwhile to talk about men's experienced of sexual and domestic violence, as well as the intersections between homophobia, biphobia, and sexual and domestic violence. this impulse, for example, has produced greater scrutiny on sexual assault of men in the military, as well as a more nuanced understanding of how men and boys are victimized in armed conflict. but even as reports on studies that find a greater prevalence of female perpetration of sexual (and domestic) violence acknowledge that such results rely on redefining and vastly broadening the definition of sexual assault, in particular, they do not consider the implications of this on how we understand women's victimization. if "nagging or begging" someone into having sex with you can constitute sexual assault - as it does in one particular study cited in semple's work - then women's experience of sexual assault is like even more vastly underreported than we understand it to be currently. but regarding this specifically, it is strange to see this posited as a uniquely male experience of sexual violence and a uniquely female form of perpetration when such cultural concepts such as "blue balls" and the "tease" exist. also in the light of the increased prevalence of the idea of heterosexual dating as inherently transactional - that women who allow men to pay for a date then owe them sex or sexual favors in kind. there is also the popular discourse on male loneliness, adult virginity, and sexual inactivity, which portray men not having sex as a societal crisis stemming, in part, from women's refusal to have sex with them, or from women's own sexual and romantic preferences. then there is also the fact that rape within a relationship, overwhelmingly male on female, is rarely prosecuted, and the history of marital rape, which was only recently regarded as a crime in most countries. there are still many in which is still not considered as such.
this post is already way longer than i intended but the ironic thing about this discourse and this academic impulse, which in many ways has come to dominate popular research on sexual and domestic violence, is that the vast majority of data we do have suggests that de-gendering our understanding of sexual and domestic violence is of little use to male victims anyway. for one, though popular discourse suggests that it is some nebulous feminist bias that prevents men from seeing themselves as and reporting themselves as victims of sexual violence, most significant studies on male victims of violence illustrate that men's own attitudes about masculinity and about male victimhood are the largest predictors of their likelihood to see themselves as victims. one study found that men with lower levels of empathy for male victims of sexual violence are less likely to come forward about their own experiences of sexual violence (don't have the link on hand, i'll add it later). study after study also shows that men are far more likely than women to disbelieve male victims, even those that claim feminists are biased against men (though we may question why crisis centers run by women for women are accosted over wanting to prioritize their very limited resources for female victims, and also why the understanding of rape as a tool of male domination is treated as a bias against men rather than a political analysis of violence - which it is). homophobic men are also likely to believe gay men are not as affected by sexual assault as straight men.
lastly, even efforts to redefine sexual assault to include more male victims can fail to gain traction specifically among these men - namely, the idea of "made to penetrate" sexual assault (or MTP) (i think this is included in the slate piece by hannah rosin; i can't remember where i saw it). personally, i think this issue here may be that such terminology is just....not relevant to majority of self-identified male victims of sexual violence, and that many men who may have experienced MTP assault simply do not consider themselves victims of sexual violence. in the studies we do have about sexual violence experienced by men, the overwhelming majority of men report forced penetration or forced touching, or having oral sex forcibly performed on them (see also the intercept piece of sexual assault in the military). expanded understanding of sexual violence against men that has seen traction is the inclusion of being made to rape others - usually during armed conflict - as a form of sexual violence against men and boys (see above link about armed conflict and sexual violence). like, this is definitely a complicated issue, but approaching men’s sexual victimization with the purpose of rejecting feminist theories of violence, of gender neutralizing sexual and domestic violence, and of trying to prove “women are just as bad as men,” is not going to benefit men or women because violence against men occurs in the same larger social context as violence against women - it largely exists as a form of domination, humiliation, and a representation of male sexual entitlement. men make up the vast majority of people who empathize with perpetrators over victims, who don’t believe victims, or believe victims have invited sexual violence - whether the victims are male or female. because men’s attitudes about sexual violence, including against men, have been developed in a society in which sexual violence is cornerstone of patriarchal political violence, as well as homophobic and racial violence. you can’t focus on trying to fit a round peg into a square hole because it’s trendy of convenient. and if you are going to meaningfully challenge feminist theories of violence, you are going to actually have to do that. you can’t just keep pretending the existence of feminist hegemony
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koretoqueen · 3 months
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In the time of Orpheus and Eurydice, the King and the Queen of the Underworld were neck-deep in marital problems. So many people remember those days. Eurydice said it well herself...
It's either scorching hot or freezing cold Any way the wind blows
Hermes always explains it the same way... mighty storms and seasonal shifts happen because Persephone and Hades are fighting. For fifty years now, they have been going in the same circle with each other over and over but neither will leave because they love each other.
Hades holds on too tight because he loves his wife so much.
Persephone keeps returning because she never stopped loving him.
She never wanted this to end and she fights so hard because she needs him to understand why this is killing her.
Her husband is the Underworld. He is the King of the Dead, the Deities, and the Demonic. Everything underground belongs to him because he is them. He is wealthy, he is invisible, he is misunderstood, he is mysterious, he is of the shadows. He dances with the veil and the souls that pierce to reach his realm. He receives the dead in the end and decides where their final destination is. He is the final safe-haven for every soul in existence.
But she is the seasons. She is the rise and fall of life and death as the seasons cycle. She descends in the decay of autumn, resides in the underworld in the death of winter, rises in the rebirth of spring, and resides in the world above in the life of summer. Beings pass to the afterlife because of her and beings are reborn to the world because of her. The seasons cannot cycle without her. The seasons cannot bring food and life back to the living if she cannot return to the world. She cannot create life all the way deep down in her kingdom to rise again if she isn't warmed by the sun again. The souls her husband receives are delivered by her.
And he would not let her go. He did not trust her to return.
This fight, all this arguing, is because he was stifling her. He would show up far too early to pull her down, to bring her back early because his loneliness could only grow. It was inky and dark and smothered everything it touched and she understood. She understood him. It is why she never left!
But she is a god too.
She is a goddess too.
Down here, in her kingdom of dark and depths, he could breathe so easily. But she didn't only have roots here. Just as her roots reached deep down to their kingdom, her branches pierced the earth and brought life back to the living for them all.
But he would not let her go.
Millennia, she always returned. Millennia, she always walked back into his arms. She sat on their throne. She would rule his kingdom with him. She was good at it. She was kind and firm and she knew how to rule. She never did anything to show him she would never return.
Except when she would leave. For so long, he thought it was just an agreement via Zeus, but it was more than that. Zeus had no affection for Persephone, but the arrangement may have been the best decision he ever made for her as her father. She enjoyed leaving. She enjoyed cycling up and down with the seasons. How else would the flowers grow? How else would she refresh herself for her kingdom?
It has nothing to do with Hades. It had everything to do with what she needed for herself.
And something about him realizing this made him... scared. Shocked. Wounded. How is it that as a God, he didn't understand this?
And she would repeat over and over: I recall there was time we were happy, you and I. In the garden where we met. Nothing was between us... yet. Back before your factories before your electricity Back before you built the wall!
It ain't right and it ain't natural!
And one year, after he had pulled her back again, he shook. His hands trembled. And through frustrated tears meant only for her, he asked: What am I doing wrong?
Persephone fell to her knees, exhausted from the arguing. She sobbed: You won't let me breathe.
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irkimatsu · 1 month
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I just love writing human Husk as a young man with dreams! I also love thinking about how he went and destroyed his dreams! Just some rambling about my ideas for the trajectory of Husk's life on Earth. Alcoholism, cheating, marital strife, lots of shit going on here. I love him dearly but he's in hell for a reason...
He'd been enchanted by the Las Vegas performance scene ever since he was a kid, especially the magicians. As a young adult, he performed magic and he played saxophone in jazz bands, always working to improve his skills and get better gigs. He dreamed of seeing the world and becoming an international name. He loved when people would come up to him and tell him how much they loved his shows, especially the kids. He would have loved to inspire just one kid with his shows the same way he'd been.
The problems started early. He needed money for that dream of traveling the world, and when you're living in Las Vegas, what better way to make fast money than gambling? Soon it wasn't just about the money, it was about that thrill of watching the roulette wheel spin or drawing that next set of cards, wondering if this will finally lead to his big break. It never quite did, but he still made enough on top of the money he made from shows to fund his habit and live a nice life. Nice clothes, nice meals out... and lots of nice alcohol.
He's still functioning for now.
He used to be in love. He met her when she came to see one of his jazz shows. She was an enthusiast of live music, and she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met; not just for her looks, but for her amazing singing voice. He wanted to do everything he could for her. Give her an amazing wedding and honeymoon, take her out dancing in the most upscale clubs, see the world with her.
He needed money for that. He needed to keep gambling.
Things were great at first. He spoiled her as much as he could. They married, had two daughters who he doted on, and he was able to hide his problems from her.
Until the loan sharks came banging on the door demanding that he pay off his debts. Until he kept vanishing for days at a time, gambling and drinking until coming back with less than he started. He cheated on his wife constantly; alcohol is terrible for your decision making, and some nights he couldn't bring himself to face his family, but he had to go somewhere... he has no memory of any of the cheating. Definitely not of any passion. Only the part where he wakes up in a stranger's bed with zero memory of what happened the previous night.
He got a few love confessions out of those nights. He responded by fleeing.
He and his wife are fighting more often. Rather, she's fighting, screaming and demanding to know where he's been for the past two days and if he realizes what he's putting her through?! Putting their children through?! Husk never yells back. All he can do is mumble apologies while downing yet another drink.
If he ever stopped drinking his feelings away, the guilt would have a chance to kill him. It's self-preservation, in his mind.
He broke the first time she left with the kids. She was gone for weeks, and he couldn't do anything in that time, not even get himself together enough to go out to the casinos. Alcohol stopped him from going even crazier in loneliness and guilt.
When she came back, he promised to be better, and for a time he actually managed to pull it off. He didn't have the money to spoil her like he used to, but he still took her dancing and sang her songs. That's all she needed, to hear the love of her life tell her how much he loves her back, and to not watch him choose self-destruction over her...
He can't stay clean forever. Those addictions are rooted deep, especially with his newfound desperation to win back everything he lost, get the loan sharks off his back for good, and buy everything his family could ever want to make up for the pain he caused them.
The cycle repeats. She leaves, she comes back, he spoils her, he self-destructs.
Eventually she doesn't come back. After a few failed attempts to be in his children's lives, foiled by his own mistakes, she cuts off contact entirely, and he never gets to see his children grow.
He hasn't performed for years at this point.
It's the beginning of the 70's, and he's been drifting aimlessly ever since his divorce about twenty years ago. He's homeless now; not the first time he's been in this predicament.
A passerby was nice enough to give him a beer. No way in hell can he deal with this shit sober.
He finds himself by a lake. He has nowhere else to be; might as well be here. The air is cold, and no one is here to swim or fish. He's left alone to walk along the lakeside, lost in his thoughts of how he ended up here and where he's going to get his next drink. The rocks are slippery beneath his feet, but he barely notices or cares.
He's barely even aware of his surroundings as he slips, smashes his head into a rock, and sinks beneath the lake's surface.
No one ever reported him missing.
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gisxlles · 3 months
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(JASMIN HOPPE, CIS WOMAN, SHE/HER) - is GISELLE BRANDT late to class again? how does the 21 year old JUNIOR expect to get their degree in DIGITAL MEDIA? professors say that they are AFFECTIONATE but i heard that they are TRACTABLE. hopefully they’ll make it to graduation! ooc: hi all! i'm marie and i'm super excited to get to know all your characters. i have to hop off for a work event (and will probably be lurking on mobile) but i'll be back on tonight to read over intros & reach out to plot. speaking of, if you want to plot with giselle, give this a like & i'll message you!!
basics.
full name: giselle marie brandt
nickname: gigi
age: twenty-one
dob: february 28, 2000
hometown: timber creek, ma
ethnicity: thai & german
sexuality: bicurious
languages: english (fluent), thai (fluent), german (conversational)
appearance.
faceclaim: jasmin hoppe
hair color: brunette with lighter brown/dark blonde highlights
eye color: brown
height: 5'5
tattoos: a small b&w tattoo of a flower on her left outer wrist
piercings: just her ears are pierced
family.
mother: chalita somsi
father: henri brandt
pets: shepard brandt (a grey british shorthair cat)
background.
the brandt family is considered something akin to royalty within timber creek; the family establishing it's roots in the town since the beginning. their name coming to be through successful business ventures, the most notable being the opening of timber creek university. the man who was to inherit the business and the woman he married (who his family wasn't fond of) didn't expect to welcome a bundle of joy into the world so soon but here came giselle. she brought a happiness to the couple and hopes that this child could fix their marital problems. how naive of them to think that though. the cheating continued on henri's part and chalita struggled with this loneliness for years. giselle was oblivious to it all. her views of being a princess esque figure in this fairytale life she was living clouding what was in front of her. her fairytale came crashing down when she was ten. her mother had enough of this life and filed for divorce. her father got custody of giselle but she saw her mother part of the summer and for some holidays. the little girl couldn't understand what happened to the love between her parents she thought she'd seen through the years. how could it just disappear? how did her family break? giselle grew older. henri remarried (but still struggled with infidelity). they were a new family. with that, giselle finally got a glance of what her mother was put through. she never wanted to be put through that so she vowed to forget about the whole storybook love she once wanted. a love life that only consisted of hookups, one night stands with strangers, or fake dates to appease her parents. as giselle enters her junior year at timber creek uni, she still struggles with what she wants out of life. when you've been given everything you've ever wanted in life, what more could you ask for?
headcanons.
even after everything, giselle is still a daddy's girl. it helps that he spoils her with anything she wants.
one of her favorite things to do is ice skate. it's something she use to do with her mother a lot growing up and she's pretty good at it. maybe not olympic level good but she's earned a couple medals & trophies.
her other favorite thing to do is play video games. it's her way to de-stress / when she wants to be alone. her fave game is probably mass effect (hence her cat's name).
wanted.
step - sibling (wanted connection on main)
fake boyfriend (wanted connection on main)
the trinity - give me a cute little trio of besties that are always there for each other. pls let me know if u are interested in this! (nora vogel & OPEN)
family friends - the brandts are well known so maybe our families know each other
tutor - giselle isn't the greatest when it comes to schoolwork so she probably needs help in a class or two
ice skating partner - she does pairs so it would be cool to have a partner here
the co-op couch - someone who will play video games with her. they bring the snacks and she provides the drinks and they play all night long.
the set up - giselle humored her parents one time and went on a date with someone they set her up with and it was y/c. they did NOT hit it off and it ended in disaster.
the puppeteer - giselle is pretty gullible so maybe someone is manipulating her for something? that could be fun!
hookups / one night stands - giselle avoids relationships but she's all for hooking up and leaving in the middle of the night.
the one who got away - this person is probably the closest one to get giselle to admit to some feelings. she really liked them but refused to acknowledge it and sabotaged whatever was between them. a regret of hers.
girl crush - giselle's never dated or hooked up with a woman before but she is curious about it. she finds y/c attractive but doesn't know if she is bisexual?
rivals - sporting rivals could be fun! giselle does tennis and ice skating and maybe they are always trying to one up each other.
ex-friends - the two used to be close but something happened which caused their friendship to end??
enemies - someone who just does not like giselle and giselle doesn't like them.
really i'm open to any & all ideas so if you have something that giselle could fill, throw it my way to discuss!!
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thundercrack · 1 year
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i read the article "the problem of marital loneliness" by agnes callard today because i saw this quote from it floating about on here:
It is a profound insight on Bergman’s part to notice that loneliness involves a detachment not only from other people but from reality in general. As a child, I had trouble forming friendships, and turned instead to fantasy. I could imagine myself into the books I read and, by embellishing the characters, supply myself with precisely the sorts of friends that I’d always longed for. If you have engaged in this kind of fantasizing, you know that the thrill of creativity eventually collapses into a feeling of emptiness. This is the moment when loneliness hits. You’ve prepared yourself an elaborate psychological meal, and you realize, belatedly, that it can never sate your real hunger.
Although I do often enjoy webweaving and the quotes that go about this website, I think taking this paragraph out of context erases the more interesting point of this article (the content problem with decontextualization!), which is literally continued in the next paragraph:
One is often loneliest in the presence of others because their indifference throws the futility of one’s efforts at self-sustenance into relief. (If you spend a party reading in a corner, you come to see, no matter how good the book, that you are not fooling anyone.) In a marriage, this loneliness manifests in the various ways that couples give each other space, demarcating spheres in which each person is allowed to operate independently. If I allow my husband to hold forth and he allows me to go paradox-mongering—if we humor each other—the very frictionlessness of the ensuing thoughts infuses them with unreality. “My husband and I cancel each other out,” Marianne’s client says. She means, I think, that we sap the reality from one another’s lives by way of our lack of interest, our noninvolvement, our failure to provide the constraining traction that is needed for even the most basic sensory experiences to feel real.
I thought the whole critique of the HBO remake of Bergman's Scenes of a Marriage was quite good and, justly, comes to a point at the end, which I find far more interesting than being lonely as a child:
By the end of the remake, Jonathan, Mira, and their daughter are flourishing, and even part of their house has been renovated. In Levi’s vision, the problem of loneliness can be addressed by adjusting the pragmatics of mutual dependence; at first, these changes are painful, but eventually everyone is better off—which is to say, better at achieving their goals. For Bergman, connecting is the goal, and it’s not clear that we can do it. It is when Johan and Marianne realize this that they become “citizens of reality,” a loss of innocence from which they cannot recover. Can any marriage survive an honest reckoning with itself? Can you get close enough to any person for life to feel real? These are Bergman’s questions; Levi doesn’t ask them.
Can you get close enough to any person for life to feel real? Anyway, I enjoyed the whole article. Probably more interesting than being annoyed by excerpts of it on tumblr dot com, a sin which i just committed and am now perpetuating
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murmiss · 9 months
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A little sketch of Dead by daylight, found in my old sketches. I think I'll continue it later if you like it. (I don't know if this can be considered an introductory chapter.)
Shadow
Pairing - Evan Maccmillan/Reader, Danny Olsen/Reader, Bubba Sawyer/Reader, Anna the huntress /Reader, Herman Carter/Reader, mostly killer/reader, and a little survivor/reader.
Summary:
The entity is a brutal creature, drawing more and more new victims into its game. It feeds on despair and fear, anger and tears. But what if the "Shadow" is beyond the Essence's control? What if there, where everyone sees the emptiness, lies a light that can pull them out of despair?
We're talking about Y/N Rogers, the "White Crow," accustomed since childhood to loneliness and fear and the spirits that haunt her.
English is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes!
Part one
The fog is a slimy substance of fear, despair and hatred. Everyone who entered it disappeared. Gone without a trace. It was as if such a person had never existed. Or maybe there really wasn't. Maybe it's all just a fantasy of an evil mind. A cruel joke, or else a fake.
Stupid game of someone's sick imagination, a parasite that sucks all the juices along with your despair. "Fog" - that's what everyone calls this disgusting place. But what is fog? A dimension with a bunch of twisted and bloodthirsty maniacs who take your life time after time. But what if I told you that for someone, death is the only way out?
A beautiful baby girl was born. What a shame no one wanted her... "A child born to save a marriage" is the most common name given to such children. After all, it is better to "recreate" a new life than to deal with one's own. That's what Jack and Malena Rogers thought. Oh! The memories of their first meeting are as fresh as yesterday. They met at one of the university parties. Jack asked Malena, for a dance, then invited her back to his place, and everything spun and spun and spun. It seemed like love at first sight! A passionate and ardent love, engaging in a hot tango. A month later, the wedding, honeymoon, and everything seemed to be going uphill, and bam...
Cold. Feelings went out. Faded as rapidly as they flared up at their first meeting. Malena saw the only way out of this situation in Internet forums, where women with similar marital problems advised each other on all sorts of crazy things. And one of those things was "have a baby. An unknown person under the nickname "MisisAllens" talked on her blog about the "tragic story of a relationship" that was "heroically saved" by their child. And now, finally, it's decided: They want the baby!
The pregnancy was going hard, the Toxicosis was extremely painful, and the baby kept trying to be born ahead of its due date. What was Rogers' disappointment when, instead of fervent feelings, came screaming, diapers and snot, and the beautiful figure was flaunted not by tight dresses, but by extra pounds. Jack was no longer attracted to his wife, which caused him to have a mistress or two, hardly ever going home, leaving Malena alone with herself, self-loathing, and a month-old daughter...
-Shut up already! - Pillows and plush toys flew in the direction of the crib. The young mother was jumping between rooms, trying to get everything done in time for her husband's arrival. To which the baby began to yell louder and louder, causing the woman to become even more hysterical. Unable to endure, Malena slumped against the wall, rolled smoothly to the floor, jerked the headscarf off her head, and sobbed, whispering only words of hatred.
"I hate... I hate... I hate you!! "
The first couple of years were also difficult. The girl grew up extremely nervous, reacting to negative attitudes in the family. Jack's carousing was wearing Mrs. Rogers down, and with her hatred of her husband, her hatred of the child grew. Malena did not want to see this child, rejecting the very fact of his existence :- "Covering your eyes with a rag ." And as she grew older, nothing changed. Not counting Jack, of course. In a couple of years, the gorgeous blond hair was replaced by a classic smoothed haircut that hid the rare baldness, and the Inflated body was replaced by a tummy. Instead of lovers he was now interested only in his career, his wife, and nothing else.
After some time in the Rogers family another daughter was born, Susie, a truly angelic child. The birth went easily, Susie literally "swept through," in less than two hours, bringing great joy to her parents. On seeing Susie, Mrs. Rogers immediately blossomed, hugging the newborn affectionately, kissing her chubby cheeks, and Mr. Rogers, sobbing, hugged his beautiful women.
And so the family had a favorite. Upon noticing Susie, all the neighbors blurted out a smile: "If it isn't Sunny, there she is!" Little Sue, unlike her sister, was "perfect at everything": she sang, danced, and even drew. Everyone admired her: "God's gift! God's gift." - Everyone adored the little girl. And while "Swan" blossomed before her eyes, bathed in everyone's love, "White Crow" survived her despair by making friends with loneliness.
-Mama! Mama!" - the girl ran after her mother, tugging at the hem of her long apron, trying to get attention, but the woman did not respond. Then the girl, not noticing no reaction, jumped up to her father, who was sitting on the couch in the living room with a Playboy magazine in his hands. Standing in front of her father, the girl abruptly snatched the precious magazine from her father's hands and ran off with a loud laugh, expecting her father to chase after her, but he did not. Jack, without making a sound of indignation, took out the remote control and turned on the television, changing channels busily. But even then, a feeling of intense longing gripped the child's mind and heart. Turning around, she slowly, staggering, made her way to the couch, placed the crumpled magazine on the couch, and took one last look at her father with her deer eyes. Just as suddenly, Susie runs into the living room.
-Daddy! Daddy!" with a sweet babbling, the girl ran up to her father, smiling broadly.
-Yes, baby? - The man, reacting instantly, picked up the girl in his arms and put her in his lap.
-I love you, Daddy!"-Jack chuckled and began to tickle the little girl. - I love you, too, baby.
- Susie, stop hugging Daddy and come over here and help me bake cookies. - A mother's affectionate voice came from the kitchen.
-Now, I'm coming! - The little girl jumped off her lap and happily jumped into the kitchen.
And only a little girl standing in the distance could barely hold back tears, watching this scene. While the poor child's mind, unable to understand, "What am I doing wrong?" Unable to withstand the pressure, the girl jumped out of the house, running away wherever she could see. Where there is no mother, no father, no "Swan".
When she stopped, the little girl was very frightened. All around was a wasteland. A misty, lonely wasteland, and shadows wandered beside her. Someone was grabbing the little girl by the hair, someone was pulling her arms, and someone was screaming. Frightened, the little girl squatted, whimpering softly, covering her head with her hands. Suddenly someone's hand caressed the shaking girl's head, and then all the sounds disappeared. When Crow opened her eyes, she saw only her home.
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loyaltytm · 10 months
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𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐔𝐒 𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐋
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[ lee sung kyung, she/her, cisfemale ] — was that PENELOPE RIDDELL? the THIRTY TWO year old is a FORTNUM AND MASON CLERK, how exciting to see them this season! rumors have it they are NURTURING and WARM, but i’ve heard they are PROTECTIVE and DRY as well — maybe that’s why they’ve been called the CANCERIAN. I have even heard that HER CHILDREN WERE NOT HER LATE HUSBAND’S. —  only time will tell. 
full name: penelope riddell née song nickname: pen, penny, pea age: two and thirty years old gender + pronouns: cisfemale + she/her sexuality: heterosexual marital status: widowed, unbetrothed
nationality: british social standing: working class, single mother and widower languages: english education: homeschooled occupation: general store clerk hobbies: sewing, embroidery, drawing, painting, playing with her daughter
height: 5'10" build: on the thinner side due to stress and poor diet hair: dark brown, usually tied up and out of her face eyes: lifted , fox-like eyes complexion: pale skin in a permanent state of rosy, borderline flush with fever fashion: would be more stylish if she had the flexibility to be
tw partner death, child death
although she lived a life long before her husband and children came along, its hard to remember when you hold such little regard for the time. her youth, although the memory escapes her, is spent in a small orphanage in london with an elderly widow. pen grows up drawing in the dirt and imagining a life where she might build her own family. she knew that when she would be so lucky to have them, she would hold them so close that they would never know the loneliness she felt as a child.
now despite being a lonely child, penelope grows up to be beautiful woman. she has no problem in finding a husband, but she finds love in the brown eyes benjamin riddell. he has a family of six siblings and two parents to complete the set and pen has never known such love than to be with their family. ben is dependable, and kind, and although he is gone most of the year as a sailor, there are happy together. her heart aches when he leaves but soon... while he sets sails, pretty penelope's tummy grows rounder and rounder until the fruit of her womb grows so heavy she has no choice but to give birth to her son with only the midwife and her husband’s sisters by her side. all is well for the months where he is home, and when he isn't, she has her darling little bumble bee, benjamin riddell ii.
bee, just shy of eleven, takes her hand solemnly. please mama, can i go with papa? he looks so eager and ben is happy to spend more time with his son but what should be a calm day in the water culminates into a freak storm. although she promises to hold her little family tight, there are times when your grip slackens. the days afterwards are wrought with nausea, sick with grief, so she thinks.
if it hadn't been for her sister in law, penelope would have feared for the worst. seraphine's offer to let her stay in her cottage until she could land on her feet is kind, and its even kinder that she does not rescind it when she finds out pen is with child. she is by her side when she gives birth to the last of their little family, gwendolyn riddell. some people are nasty and their cruel speculation brings about baseless rumours.
now, her heart still aches for her boys. every fibre of her being is tainted with grief, missing them both dearly despite having long completed their journey to the pearly gates. but pen has no intention of losing herself in her grief, knowing she has a young daughter to take care of. she will not make the mistake of letting go again. to support her and her daughter, pen works at fortnum and mason.
tldr; a single mom, working at fortnum and masons to support her daughter while being sad about losing her husband and son < / 3
personality
pen has a motherly disposition, bleed through of her parenting style. she’s nurturing and warm — always happy to offer a kind word or wrap you in a warm hug if need be. she also makes a mean mug of soup.
having suffered loss after loss, pen prefers to hold what she loves to her chest. over-protective, maybe. cautious is what she’d rather say. she doesn’t chase adventures like her boys had been. practical-minded, she’d rather keep her feet on the ground.
she loves to doodle. the thought of being an artist never crossed her pragmatic mind, but she does love the idea of painting.
if she finds that you’re a little too wild for her speed or she does not like your conversation, she will curl into herself and shrink. she has a tendency to become dry.
wanted connections
flirty customers idk maybe they only come to fortnum and masons and buy the overpriced cheese because they wanna see the milfs
friends of her late husband! he was a sailor!
get her out of the house mayb,
ajfkjfdkfgkn i would like unlikely friends
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lewdestconcubine · 1 year
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The Szayel Compendium (Part 7 - Relationships)
RELATIONSHIPS.
FAMILY: [Who, if anyone, does the character consider their family? Are these blood relatives? And do they have a good relationship with their family?]
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Szayel has one fraternal twin brother, Yylfordt, who as a hollow, he has a complicated relationship with.  He very much loves him, but he resents that he spends his time with someone else, and that he’s essentially the physical manifestation of all of the ‘weaknesses’ and ‘impurities’ that he pulled out of himself.  He’s not sure what to do about it sometimes, and after Yyl’s death, sometimes things get complicated.  Verse dependent he sometimes will have a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife and/or children.  Those relationships are things that sustain him when they happen.
FRIENDSHIPS: [Do they have lots of friends, or just one or two close friends? What do they look for in a friend?] Szayel has lots of acquaintances.  There are a couple of hollows he considers his friends, and of course in RP, he has plenty of verses where he counts different muses as friends.  But canonically he suffers deeply from isolation and loneliness and does rather desperate things to change that fact, through much of it doesn’t work and isolates him further.
FRIENDS IN NEED: [How do they help a friend who is going through hard times? Do they offer advice and support, or do they feel uncomfortable, not knowing what to say?] It’s best to explain things in a way that Szayel can ���solve’.  If he can invent something. give you a medicine or a treatment, share his knowledge, etc., he is more than willing to help a friend.  If you need to vent, its best to tell him so, and he’ll listen and support, and if it would make his friend more comfortable, or if they want a distraction, he’s more than happy to share himself physically, whether just by giving affection or by doing something sexual/sensual.  But sometimes, he just doesn’t really get what’s needed from him, so if you don’t spell things out and just expect him to be sensitive to your problems…you may end up not liking what he does.  It’s best to explain to Szayel how he can help, otherwise there may be some wild misunderstandings.
NEEDING A FRIEND: [Do they tend to go to friends when they need help and support? Or do they deal with their problems on their own? Do their friends ever worry about them?] Canonically Szayel will generally withdraw and become more paranoid or hostile.  But, in different verses, if you connect with him well enough, he’ll come by for reassurance, whether its nice words, a hug, some good food, or just being acknowledged.  If you’re the type of ‘friend’ he tends to prefer, if you can fuck him well enough that he forgets feeling terrible, it’s a bonus, and you will likely see him often.  He is not at all subtle about this, smh.
ANNOYANCES: [How do they deal with arguments and disagreements with friends or partner?] He tends to fall apart.  Finding a companion is something he stresses over.  If there’s a rift forming for any reason, he doesn’t take it well, will isolate, and just continue down an unhealthy path until he’s either asked to stop, or forced to.  Szayel is rather fragile at heart, even if he pretends that this isn’t so.
ROMANCE: [If applicable: how do they woo a potential partner? What do they look for in a potential partner?] Szayel is demiromantic, and thus really only develops romantic desires towards friends that he has, that he’s also already pursued a sexual relationship with to some degree, or at least has been able to feel physical chemistry with as far as things like..you smell good to him, your touch is comforting to him, and your presence is settling.  He looks for those who can handle his mood lability and who have a complimentary type of strength both physically and/or mentally.  As he’s essentially pan, this could be a person of any gender.
MARITAL PROBLEMS: [How do they deal with problems in their love life? Do they talk it through with their partner? Or do they bury their head in the sand?] Szayel tends to ignore problems in his relationships when he feels that everything for the most part is going well.  He’d rather swallow his own issues or secretly try and fix himself.  He’s conflict avoidant when it comes to things in his private life.  He’s terrified of being alone and will actually take very large amounts of abuse for the sake of not losing a partner.  Unless his partner can pick up on the fact that he’s unhappy and change their approaches to the problems without saying anything…you’re going to have to back Szayel into a corner to even acknowledge that there’s something wrong I the first place.  He tends to self harm and disassociate rather than tell a partner that there’s a problem, as he figures that just as anything that’s mind over matter, if he continuously works to accept a lie, eventually it will be true. 
ADVERSARIES: [What would turn them off a friendship or romance?] Being ignored.  Trying to force other ideologies on him.  Treating him as something below you, when it’s not consensual degradation.
ENEMIES: [What would make them hate someone enough to call them an enemy?] Actively working to undermine him and his accomplishments.  Otherwise, an ‘enemy’ is just the person on the other side of the fight he’s been made to fight because he’s in an army.
STRANGERS: [Do they tend to be respectful to strangers, or are they careless towards anyone who they don’t consider a friend?] Szayel tries to be courteous to those he first meets as he’d rather make a good first impression.  But he will not lie about the fact that he won’t necessarily stick his neck out for you unless you’ve shown him that you can be trusted to have his support.
FUN STUFF: [What kind of things do they like doing with a friend?] Szayel’s very much adventure and pleasure minded.  He likes experiencing fine things like art and music and good food.  He likes dressing people up and making things for them.  He enjoys traveling to unfamiliar places with a familiar person by his side.  And of course anything of a uhhh..physical nature. Szayel loves getting to know someone in the biblical sense...as merger of mind, soul, and body is deeply intertwined with the alchemical symbolism tied up in his character.
DATING: [What kind of things to they like doing with a romantic partner?] Everything listed above.  His friendships often don’t look al that different from his romances.  Sometimes there’s just as much sex.  XD  But in romance you can actually get him to more or less commit to you, and he’s unafraid to plan a future life.  Szayel has a weird purity of connection to him that makes it kind of hard to split hairs between friendship and romance, and often he’ll put a label on it to make the other person feel better.  But that’s not to say that it’s less passionate.  It just means that you have the right to tell him what makes you comfortable in his behaviors, like if you don’t approve of him being openly sexual towards good friends.  He’ll never stop dropping innuendos or flirting however, he’s not really capable of it.  Just tell him where boundaries lie.
BEST FRIEND: [If applicable - who do they consider their best friend?] This is very verse dependent.  Canonically, he’s not really shown to have very close bonds with people.
LOVE: [If applicable - who do they consider to be the love of their life?] This too is very verse dependent.  He clearly lusts over others, but that’s not the same thing. But he does form ships easily if approached the right way.
WORST ENEMY: [If applicable - who do they consider to be their worst enemy?] Canoically, he considers shinigami as the enemy, who are essentially carrying out genocide.  He also sometimes has conflicts with Aizen and with the other Espada.  He fights with Renji and Uryuu, and of course dies by Mayuri’s hand…but they’re more or less opponents, rather than enemies, if that makes sense.  After all, he’s a soldier in a war.  He doesn’t really get how certain characters were introduced to him, so depending on different AU concepts…I feel that he may be incredibly open to meeting some characters, given that they have things in common, but were forced to be on different sides because of the world they live in, rather than any conscious choice.
RESPECT: [Do they respect their enemies, even if they don’t like them? Is there anyone they disrespect? Why?] Sometimes?  I mean, for Szayel, he views it as a great honor for him to be interested in you enough to study you, experiment on you, fight you, or command his attention in any way.  To flat out ignore someone is to disrespect them, as he feels deeply disrespected when ignored.  So, take this as you will.  He’s not exactly normal, nor was his canonical ultimate opponent. 
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ina-nis · 8 months
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A paper on loneliness and social relationships
Loneliness is defined as the discrepancy between desired and actual levels of social relationships (...) Following advances in theories of loneliness, other studies focused on operationalization and construct validation of loneliness scales and interventions to reduce the feeling of loneliness. However, as concluded in a meta-analysis by Masi et al. (2011), interventions that focused on improving social skills through training, enhancing social support, or increasing opportunities for social contact have been ineffective. Although the social and health consequences of loneliness match those of many mental health problems, the origins and treatment of loneliness remains unclear (...) The evolutionary model of loneliness (...) posits that perceived social isolation, or loneliness is a serious risk factor, which increases hypervigilance for social threat accompanied by physical and mental health consequences (e.g., stress, negative thinking and expectation of negative social information and interaction, anxiety and depression) (...) this study investigates the network structure of loneliness and hypothesized relations of each dimension of loneliness with key theoretical constructs or conceptual domains using a range of criteria. Finally, this study aims to determine how resilience is involved in the protection against loneliness and depressive symptoms.
(...) the measurement model of loneliness has been operationalized as a two-dimensional construct (i.e., emotional and social loneliness [...]) and as a three-dimensional construct (i.e., family, romantic and social loneliness [...]). Furthermore, the nomological network of loneliness was assessed by explicating each dimension through concurrent and prospective relations with broadly grouped, important conceptual domains such as cognitive processes (e.g., worry, rumination and metacognition), negative emotionality (e.g., anxiety and depression), resilience domains, and their associations with demographic variables (e.g., gender, age, marital status).
The more I dig, the more I find insightful things, and just how deep the loneliness rabbit hole goes... You know it’s ironic just how many mental illnesses and different ailments are implied to have loneliness as one of the outcomes, but not one of the causes. Because the way to approach these are completely different.
There is some evidence that, underlying the experience of loneliness are various maladaptive cognitive processes including worry, rumination, and metacognition (...) which are implicated in the relations between loneliness and mental health problems such as anxiety and depressive symptoms.
(...) Worry is characterized by repetitive thinking about future events, uncertainty about anticipated threats, and the underestimation of personal agency and abilities (...) There is growing evidence that lonely people engage in negative self-assessment by thinking that others will reject their company. As a result, they often isolate themselves, which reinforces their experiences of loneliness (...) The role of worry in loneliness is unclear, and as such it is worthwhile to investigate whether repetitive thinking about diminished personal agency and controllability of future events influence the experience of loneliness in different relationships.
Nolen-Hoeksema et al. (2008) defined rumination as the process of repetitive thinking about negative feelings and emotions. Loneliness has been found to be positively associated with rumination (...) The Self-Regulatory Executive Function Model (...) describes metacognitive beliefs as the knowledge base and the information processing system in which maladaptive thinking persist. Metacognitions are viewed as driving worry and rumination (...) and contribute to strengthen the relations between loneliness in social and romantic relationships and symptoms of anxiety and depression (...) Studies of individual differences in experiences of loneliness have also found that lonely people engage in self-focused, negative assessment of their ability to initiate and maintain social relationships. As a result, they approach social encounters with interpersonal mistrust.
I guess I could related more to this in the past, now I just feel to burnt out to care about what other people think. What I notice happening now is more this sense of “no one cares about you” because “you’re just another one” and “that’s how life is”. I’m not really worried people will reject me because no connection is occurring and no bond is at risk of breaking. There’s absolutely nothing so... rejection don’t really feel like an issue whatsoever.
Yeah, it’s as if I don’t see myself connected to others (because I truly don’t). Maybe that does fit in the self-focused negative assessment of ability to start/keep connections, huh?
(...) New and interesting information were found on the multidimensional experiences of loneliness that highlight potential areas of interest for intervention practice (...) intervention to reduce loneliness can become more effective by acting on highly connected indicators (nodes) as well as the nodes with the highest node strength centrality ([...] “I feel part of my family”). Especially strong connections emerged between SF4 and SF5 (“My family really cares about me”), both belonging to the family loneliness subcomponent. According to Borsboom and Cramer (2013), the more highly connected indicators are the central or more important indicators that are likely to spread activation in the network. Thus, from a network perspective, loneliness indicators in family relationships are more likely to set and spread activation of loneliness. Hence, interventions to combat loneliness that target self-focused negative thinking in the form of worry or metacognitive beliefs underlying the feeling of loneliness (...) may now be designed to influence perception of family relationships. Our findings may explain why previous loneliness reduction interventions to improve social skills through training, enhancing social support or increasing opportunities for social contact have been ineffective (Masi et al., 2011). Probably, because they did not include a component that addressed loneliness in the family environment, nor did they directly address worry, rumination, and metacognitions or fortifying resilience related factors. This needs to be further researched and supported empirically by intervention research.
I think I did talk about this before... about how “family” weights on my mind as one of the foundational sources of my disconnection/loneliness. Because, in my eyes, “family” represents the strongest, long-lasting bond I’m looking for (and I add “romance” here, too, because I feel like they’re intertwined).
Without a “family”, I have no foundation to hold onto so I go out seeking “family” and am met with disconnection because most people you’ll meet already have their “families” (and likely, already have fulfilling and/or established and/or long-term connections) and are not looking for a new one or to add any new “members”, as if I were trying to skip all the steps that one must take to “create a family” as an adult.
Therefore, I see myself attempting things to remedy the disconnection and these things go nowhere, or they’re very unstable and temporary. Causing me more frustration and depression, and pushing me to further isolate, since trying to connect with others is causing more pain, wounds and scars than anything.
(...) Age did not predict loneliness in family relationships. However, age significantly positively predicted loneliness in social relationships at T2 and loneliness in romantic relationships at T1 and T2 (...) In this study, it could be explained that increasing age had an impact on social and romantic loneliness because as people advanced in age, the connections in their social and close intimate relationships diminish. However, an interesting opposing view could also be that, when people advance in age, they put more value on their social relationships; hence becoming more vulnerable as the relationships become more important for them. However, our findings and interpretations are not conclusive as more longitudinal research is needed to investigate the age-loneliness relations in a developmental trend across the human course of life. Recently, it was found that changes in loneliness across the lifespan may be related to individual experiences and cannot be an age-specific phenomenon (...)
This paragraph really hits home for me...
It explains why I feel disconnected from peers my age (they’re already have their closed social circles, families, friends and partners, that they had time to hone and repair as needed - in this case, time could strengthen these bonds), and feel closer to younger people (who are still forming their social circles, etc).
What I noticed in people my age is some degree of stability and maturity in all aspects of their lives (material, financial, emotion, and so forth), they seem to be doing something with their lives and to have, maybe, some goals here and there, things that can take root and help them solidify a strong foundation: a home, a marriage, kids, a job/career, etc, or even having the opportunity to start anew: moving out, divorce, second career, etc...
I don’t really think I experienced that. If I were to write a resume of what I’ve been doing with my life is: I’ve been focusing on treating my mental illnesses. That’s it. The things that I do have going on for me come from a place of emotional attachments (to my passions and hobbies, not linked to people or places) and emotional maturity, but not material or financial (nor social) meaning... I have no roots set anywhere, they’re all emotional, and that on itself is not a solid foundation to build anything, from what I can tell by trying.
Consistent with previous studies (...) we found that participants who were single broadly reported the highest loneliness whereas being married, in cohabitation or having a girl/boyfriend mainly reported low loneliness. This highlights the importance of access to social needs, contacts or relationships for overcoming vulnerability in loneliness as human beings are social by nature. The need to belong as well as other social needs constitute a fundamental motivation that drives an individual’s thoughts, emotions, and interpersonal behavior (...)
Yes, exactly!
This is where I feel the divide really shows! Lonely people who are actually alone versus lonely people who have close people in their lives. These experiences feel completely different and in completely distinct degrees of intensity and severity. I feel like this goes tenfold for people such as myself, who have not experienced a (successful) romantic relationship, nor have a support system.
I don’t know if I should count my previous “support system” and “family” support at all because all my disorders originated from there. It was a unstable, dysfunctional and violent environment with high doses of neglect too.
And this is not said to invalidate other people’s experiences with loneliness. It’s just a much, much different issue when you’re dealing with loneliness completely on your own, versus when you’re dealing with loneliness and you have some kind of social support, family, friends, etc.
(...) Lonely people engage in self-focused negative assessment of their ability to initiate and maintain social relationships, thinking that others will criticize and reject their company (...) Repeatedly suppressing or thinking about negative feelings and emotions usually backfires (...) and may increase negative thoughts and feelings about socially undesirable attributes, social rejection, or exclusion by others, which can lead to difficulties in social interactions or relationships. As a result, this could create difficulties in social and interpersonal encounters that can reinforce and exacerbate the feeling of loneliness. Compared to nonlonely people, lonely people attribute their perception of interpersonal failures and rejections to personal unchangeable characteristics such as personality traits, rather than to situational or more changeable personal characteristics such as efforts to improve interpersonal encounters (...) Not surprisingly then, recent calls for interventions to address vulnerabilities in factors such as worry or metacognitive beliefs may significantly reduce loneliness (...)
(...) The feeling of loneliness is found to involve negative and disturbing emotions such as sense of failure and futility, sadness, unlovability and unwantedness, loss, unattractiveness and hopelessness, helplessness and dejection (...) that may explain the relations between social loneliness and depressive symptoms. Perseverative thinking related to these topics may be variations of worry and rumination, which are driven by metacognitions (...) It will be important to explore how addressing worry, rumination and metacognitions may be used to develop new interventions for loneliness.
And the longer you remain lonely, the worse these feelings get.
Maybe I’m at a point where there’s plausible deniability that I feel any of these things, after all I can just “avoid” it and reframe as something else so... again, it’s not like there’s anything inherently wrong with me, it’s just that “people are too busy” and most are not looking to get in a relationship or make new friends because they already have a lot going on in their lives.
There’s no point in feeling like I’m unlovable or unwanted, that I’m ugly or that there’s anything despicable about my very existence - I know that’s not the case, I know none of these things are true.
That’s what make it worse and more painful: I know my worth, I know I’m lovable, I know looks are just one of the many aspects of a person and yet I can’t help but feel all these things! Because, in the end of the day, I’m still alone despite attempts at trying to connect, despite masking and trying to fit, and despite being true to myself too... now it just drains me.
What else am I supposed to think? If I’m constantly denied the type of connection I seek and end up relegated to different roles or dynamics... yes it is my fault, and then what? What should I do? What can I do? Is it only my fault? Because connections don’t happen in the vacuum, and they definitely don’t happen one-sidedly - and I feel like an expert on one-sided things...
(...) Perception of self and family cohesion showed significant and unique protection against family loneliness whereas planned future and social competence showed unique protection against social loneliness. Social resources showed the broadest unique effects against both social and family loneliness (...) The definition of the various resilience factors by Hjemdal et al. (2001) (...) may shed some useful insight into understanding how resilience factors contribute to overcome loneliness in different relationships. In this regard, it can be argued that trust and confidence in one’s own abilities and shared familial values and mutual appreciation contribute to overcome the loneliness in family environment whereas a preference for making plans and believing in one’s own success and being flexible in social encounters contribute to overcome social loneliness. These resilience factors are at the opposite end of what typically lonely people exhibit such as negative self-assessment of ability to initiate and maintain social relationships, interpersonal mistrust, and the expectation that others will criticize and reject their company. Finally, access to external social support networks outside the family, including relatives and friends may contribute to overcome both social and family loneliness. Resilience moderated the prospective relations between loneliness, the social and family loneliness dimensions, and depressive symptoms. This indicates that more access to protective factors involved in resilience can counteract the negative effects of loneliness in social and family relationships. Resilience represents intrapersonal and interpersonal resources that can overcome discrepancy in desired and actual levels of social relationships. Our findings also show that not all lonely people will develop mental health problems with elevated levels of depressive symptoms if they have more access to resilience factors in their life, supporting the protective model of resilience (...). Resilience-based interventions that address psychological and social factors to improve social connectedness and quality of social interactions may thus offer valuable contributions in reducing mental health problems related to loneliness.
Not surprising, “if you already have people in your life, loneliness becomes easier to address”.
...
I don’t know what I was expecting really, all these articles always end up the same way with the same conclusion and they’re always only looking at one side of the story: lonely people.
They always talk about “solutions” and “interventions” that work in theory but in practice overlook intersectionality and marginalizations, among other things. Every. Goddamn. Time.
This is so exhausting...
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tenebris-indutis · 2 years
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FFXIV LFRP – Kuuta Noykin
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Master trainers of the wild horses which populate the majority of Steppe. It is said that the horsewives of the Noykin can break any beast if given but a week.
Be sure to read the momma’s rules and detailed about too! I rp in multi-para/novella style on Tumblr and Discord. I’m willing to discuss the possibility of rping in-game, too, but it’s not my preferred medium.
This is a sideblog to amissa-fide.
THE BASICS
Name: Kuuta Noykin
Age: Early forties
Nameday: 3rd Sun of the 1st Astral Moon
Race: Au Ra, Xaela
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Bisexual, biromantic
Marital Status: Happily single, never married
Server: Adamantoise, Aether DC
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
Hair: Black with silver highlights, shoulder length
Eyes: Light grey, pale blue limbal rings
Height: 155 cm
Build: Fit but not particularly toned. Approximate hourglass figure.
Distinguishing Marks: Additional smaller scales on her forehead and lower cheeks. Generally wears lightly applied black eyeshadow.
Common Accessories: Nothing of note
PERSONAL
Profession: Adventurer
Hobbies: Hiking, various crafts
Languages: Speaks common
Birthplace: Azim Steppe
Residence: Ishgard
Religion: Worships Nhaama
Patron Deity: For the sake of Eorzeans she will say Halone, the Fury
Fears: Solitude and loneliness, failing at her duty to protect, watching someone be harmed without the ability to do anything about it. Being unable to fight back.
RELATIONSHIPS
Spouse: None
Children: Kaidun Noykin (son)
Parents: Yeguldai Noykin (father), Tueren Noykin (mother)
Siblings: Quidul Noykin (older sister), Jagadi Noykin (older sister), Sarkadul Noykin (older sister)
Other relatives: Cousins, aunts, uncles, the usual
Pets: None
TRAITS
Extroverted / In Between / Introverted
Disorganized / In Between / Organized
Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded
Calm / In Between / Anxious
Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable
Cautious / In Between / Reckless
Patient / In Between /  Impatient
Outspoken / In Between / Reserved
Leader / In Between / Follower
Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic
Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic
Traditional / In Between / Modern
Hard-working / In Between / Lazy
Cultured / In Between / Uncultured
Loyal / In Between / Disloyal
Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful
HABITS
Smoking Habit: Every once in a while
Drugs: No
Alcohol: In moderation
CHARACTER HOOKS
A Sight in Ishgard: Making her home in the snowy city, Kuuta can be met going about her daily business on the city streets, as well as stumbled upon during her more... Under the table activities. Nothing like chance encounters, and it could be she stands out a little among all the Elezen and Hyur.
Adventurer of the Land: Although her base of operations is up north, she spends great amounts of time traveling Eorzea, letting the problems of others take her to new locales when she sets about solving them—for a price, of course; a person needs to make a living somehow. That’s how it’s supposed to go, anyway.
Gifted: She doesn’t advertise her Echo, but with her visions coming and going as they please, it is possible for one to put two and two together based on her strange lapses. Would that happen to be of interest to you?
Of the Noykin: Of course, she is a Steppe raised Xaela that left her homeland without grudges. Always eager to see others of her kind, she’s glad to reminisce about shared backgrounds with other Steppe-born, or to answer questions about her upbringing for anyone curious.
Friend of the Animals: Horses are in short supply in Eorzea, but Kuuta has put her animal expertise and experience to use with the local chocobos—and other creatures as well, occasionally. If you need a hand with your companion of any sort, she will happily share her thoughts if so requested, or simply appreciate the chance to make an acquaintance out of a new critter.
Blackblood: Does she come across as the traditional Dark Knight? In some ways yes, in others, no, but a Dark Knight and student of the Abyss she nevertheless is. Should you share that brand of dark arts, she’s always looking to learn more, or to teach others if it happens she knows more despite how in-progress her own training is.
OUT OF CHARACTER
Mun is located in Northern Europe.
Discord is available if we’re planning to rp together.
As a general rule there’s nothing I'm entirely unwilling to write, but let’s discuss everything and make sure we’re on the same page. I’m also cognizant of in-character consequences and might refuse to rp something as a result.
Should IC events lead to it, I am open to ERP, and if there’s chemistry between the characters, I’m open to shipping. Neither are my or the muse’s goals, though, so expect both to be unlikely.
I mostly write in a single timeline, but I’m not completely opposed to canon-compliant AUs.
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broomsticks · 1 year
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If you were “mature for their age” you might have been parentified. Parentification is when a child is made to fill an adult role.
This is an “invisible” trauma that has life long impact.
HERE’S WHY: 🧵
Parentification is an extremely common family dynamic where children are expected to: manage their parents emotions or issues (most common is marital problems), take care of the home & siblings on a regular basis, or act as a peer to a parent.
Many parents aren’t aware they’re doing this for several reasons:
1. They were parentified themselves
2. They’re overwhelmed & lack support
3. They don’t know/understand the language & culture so they depend on their children
Parentified children are treated as adults. They’re not seen as children who are emotionally developing & need emotional support to find their sense of self.
They’re seen as adult peers who are able to navigate crisis and any family issue.
Children adapt quickly to this role. They learn they must betray their own needs, desires, & emotions to keep the connection to a parent.
Many children feel a fierce sense of loyalty to the parent thats parentifying them.
They want to fix, rescue, & protect that parent. It’s a true role reversal.
This can be confusing because while they play a key role in the family: no one checks into see how they feel, or what they think.
Their emotional world is ignored.
Boundaries don’t exist.
The child learns to manage adult emotions. And doesn’t have the chance to understand their own inner world.
The result: a codependent view of love.
Adults who’ve been parentified have been conditioned (since childhood) to ignore how they feel. And to prioritize the needs of others.
They tend to find adult relationships where they: try to fix, rescue, or enable. Just as they did as children.
They struggle to understand what they actually feel, what they actually think, and what they actually need.
Parentified adults also feel a deep feeling of being misunderstood, of not being considered, and deep loneliness.
Many fill this void with constant “busyness”— always on call for other people’s crisis or issues. This feels their familiar childhood need to feel wanted.
The most important step in healing is learning to set boundaries.
Of course, this will also be the most difficult because:
1. Boundaries were non existent
2. Self worth comes through other people
3. Enmeshment (lack of boundaries) feels like closeness— though it’s superficial.
Working through the guilt of setting boundaries, meeting their own needs, & clearly speaking their own limits is challenging.
It will also be very healing— it’s self recovery.
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also, if you look at it in a very cynical way, Ian Curtis committing suicide was a great career move. almost like mishima, art becomes life, he's immortal. I mean joy division is forever untouchable despite Peter hooks recent efforts to ruin the legacy.
if you compare Ian Curtis to the guy from The Sound (the fact that I don't remember his name proves my point) it's sort of theatre versus the real thing. if Ian Curtis had continued to live he would have become very successful, he had a lot to live for and even if he was genuinely severely depressed, he had marital problems and seizures and all this, I think it is sort of a young man's suicide. he really should have thought about it more. this was at the height of the bands popularity and they were only going to get bigger. so to leave the world waiting is, again, a great career move.
The Sound guy also suffered from serious mental health problems, arguably worse, he was schizophrenic as well. he tried and tried for years to get somewhere with music and The Sound I mean post punk people like them but they were never anywhere close to Joy Division. and their career declined, the band breaks up, he continues to try to make music and then as a middle aged man he commits suicide. this is the real thing. failure. nothingness. and I think the music represents his suicide versus Ian Curtis' suicide representing the music.
it was an odd thing for me to turn 24 a couple of months ago. it was a sad day like every birthday but especially so because I outlived Ian Curtis. when I was in high school I always figured he was part of thr 27 club and looked it up one day and when I saw he was 23 I couldn't stop crying because thats so young, even to me then, in high school, that seems so young and it's just so heartbreaking. and I still think about this, he released this untouchable body of work and then died, most people live to be three or even four times older than he did and contribute nothing to the world, and I am afraid of being one of these people. and just to think, he was so young making these albums it's unbelievable to me.
there's a bootleg live recording where he changes the lyrics to new dawn fades. "I've walked on water, danced through fire can't seem to take it anymore." when I heard that, again, I could not stop crying. it's just. idk. I've really never related to a band so much and being a male JD obsessive I would agree is a red flag lol. and the Ian Curtis cult of personality I fall into this trap. nothing else really captures this feeling of just total bleak nothingness. unknown pleasures is a sad album, closer is a suicidal album, clearly. everything they did, every song is so perfect. loneliness, mental illness etc. and even the way he dressed and looked. he's just like me. I mean I really feel for him. and it will always make me emotional thinking about him.
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arcturusaturn · 2 years
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As a child, i had trouble forming friendships, and turned instead to fantasy. I could imagine myself into the books i read and, by embellishing the characters, supply myself with precisely the sorts of friends that I’d always longed for. If you have engaged in this kind of fantasizing, you know that the thrill of creativity eventually collapses into a feeling of emptiness. This is the moment when loneliness hits. You’ve prepared yourself and elaborate psychological meal, and you realize, belatedly, that it can never sate your real hunger.
// agnes callard, the problem with marital loneliness
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seoexpertschennai · 8 months
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Enhancing Mental Well-being: Exploring Emotional Healing Therapy and Counseling Services in Chennai
In today's fast-paced world, where stress and emotional challenges have become an inevitable part of life, seeking professional help to navigate these difficulties has become more crucial than ever. The realm of psychological therapy and counseling offers a safe haven for individuals struggling with various emotional and psychological issues. Chennai, the bustling metropolitan city, is home to a diverse range of mental health professionals, offering services like emotional healing therapy, marriage counseling, geriatric counseling, and talk therapy. In this blog, we will delve into the significance of these services and shed light on some of the best practitioners in the city.
Emotional Healing Therapy in Chennai
Emotional healing therapy is a specialized approach that focuses on helping individuals overcome emotional wounds, traumas, and inner conflicts. This therapeutic modality provides a supportive environment for individuals to express their feelings and work through their emotional challenges. In Chennai, there are numerous skilled therapists who are adept at providing emotional healing therapy. Through techniques such as mindfulness, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and holistic approaches, these therapists aid individuals in their journey toward emotional well-being and resilience.
Best Marriage Counseling Psychologists in Chennai
Marriages are beautiful partnerships that can face their fair share of challenges. In Chennai, couples dealing with marital issues can benefit immensely from the expertise of marriage counseling psychologists. These professionals offer a neutral space where couples can communicate openly and address their concerns. Whether it's communication problems, trust issues, or compatibility concerns, marriage counselors in Chennai possess the skills to guide couples towards healthier relationships. Their expertise lies in fostering effective communication, rebuilding trust, and helping couples rediscover the love that brought them together.
Geriatric Psychologist Counseling in Chennai
As the population ages, geriatric mental health has gained recognition as a critical field. Elderly individuals often face unique emotional and psychological challenges, including loneliness, grief, and health-related concerns. Geriatric psychologists in Chennai specialize in understanding the intricacies of aging and offer tailored counseling services to meet the needs of older adults. With a compassionate and empathetic approach, these psychologists provide a safe space for seniors to discuss their feelings, fears, and aspirations, ultimately improving their overall quality of life.
Psychologist for Talk Therapy in Chennai
Talk therapy, also known as psychotherapy or counseling, is a versatile approach that can address a wide range of mental health concerns. In Chennai, skilled psychologists offer talk therapy sessions that cater to diverse needs, including anxiety, depression, stress, and self-esteem issues. Talk therapy involves open conversations between the psychologist and the individual, allowing for the exploration of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Through active listening and evidence-based techniques, these psychologists assist individuals in gaining insights into their challenges and developing effective coping strategies.
Trishul Mind Power: Integrating Holistic Approaches
One prominent name in the realm of mental health services in Chennai is "Trishul Mind Power." This esteemed establishment offers a comprehensive approach to emotional well-being by integrating various therapeutic modalities. With a team of experienced psychologists and therapists, Trishul Mind Power provides a range of services, including emotional healing therapy, marriage counseling, talk therapy, and geriatric counseling. Their holistic approach emphasizes not only the resolution of immediate issues but also the cultivation of long-term emotional resilience.
In a bustling city like Chennai, where the challenges of modern life can take a toll on one's emotional well-being, the availability of diverse mental health services is a boon. From emotional healing therapy to marriage counseling, geriatric counseling, and talk therapy, individuals can find solace and support in the hands of skilled professionals. Trishul Mind Power stands as a testament to Chennai's commitment to holistic mental health care. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and these services are here to guide individuals on their journey toward emotional healing and well-being .
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alokkhandelwal · 8 months
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Popular Kundali Doshas and Their Impact on Life
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In the world of Vedic astrology, the star chart or Kundli is an effective device that well-known shows unique insights into a person’s life. It maps the positions of celestial bodies at the time of beginning and offers valuable records about diverse factors of 1’s life. However, together with the effective elements, a Kundali may also suggest the presence of doshas or malefic impacts that could impact one-of-a-kind sides of existence.
Know more about Kundli Doshas in Astrology. Get an online astrology consultation by the world-renowned astrologer Mr. Alok Khandelwal.
In this article, we can discover a number of the most not unusual kundali doshas and apprehend their consequences on a character’s journey, even delving into powerful treatments to mitigate their influence.
Manglik Dosha: The Fiery Influence
One of the maximum widely recognized doshas in Kundli is the Manglik Dosha, additionally called Kuja Dosha or Mars Dosha. It occurs when Mars is placed in sure houses within the delivery chart. Manglik Dosha is assumed to affect a person’s marriage and might result in difficul ties or delays in finding a well-suited existence accomplice.
It is regularly associated with an excessive, fiery temperament and might create demanding situations in relationships. However, with the right treatments and knowledge, the detrimental effects of Manglik Dosha can be minimized.
Kaal Sarp Dosha The Serpent’s Influence
Kaal Sarp Dosha happens whilst all planets are positioned among Rahu (the North Node) and Ketu (the South Node) inside the delivery chart. This dosha is thought to affect diverse regions of existence, which includes profession, relationships, and health. People with Kaal Sarp Dosha may additionally enjoy intervals of the united states of America and downs, and they may find it challenging to attain stability and achievement. However, with spiritual practices, astrology remedies, and honest efforts, the impact of Kaal Sarp Dosha can be alleviated.
Read Also:- The Impact of Mars in the Fifth House of Kundali
Nadi Dosha The Pulse of Influence
Nadi Dosha arises while the Nadi of the prospective companions in a wedding is identical. It is taken into consideration inauspicious for marital compatibility, as it can cause various issues, which include fitness troubles and absence of concord inside the dating. Proper analysis, sessions with skilled astrologers, and appearing appropriate rituals can help manipulate Nadi Dosha and foster a harmonious marriage.
Pitra Dosha The Ancestral Influence
Pitra Dosha takes place whilst one’s ancestors have not attained peace because of unfulfilled dreams or unresolved troubles. This dosha can show up in numerous demanding situations in existence, together with economic setbacks, health problems, and limitations in non-public growth. By appearing in ancestral rituals, seeking blessings, and being tasty in charitable acts, one can pacify Pitra Dosha and gain the blessings of their ancestors.
Shani Dosa The Saturnine Influence
Shani Dosha, additionally known as Sade Sati, is caused by the detrimental positioning of Saturn inside the star chart. It occurs whilst Saturn transits the 12th, 1st, and 2d houses from the Moon signal. This dosha can result in durations of hardships, delays, and challenges. However, with staying power, humility, and devotion, one could navigate through the trying-out times of Shani Dosha and emerge stronger.
Kemdrum Dosha The Loneliness Influene
Kemdrum Dosh arises while there are no planets on both aspects of the Moon in the beginning chart. It is believed to bring a sense of loneliness and isolation into existence. People with Kemdrum Dosh may additionally experience emotional turbulence and a shortage of guidance from family and pals.
By strengthening the Moon’s energy through meditation, charity, and presenting prayers to Goddess Durga, the bad results of Kemdrum Dosh may be mitigated.
While Kundli doshas can also suggest challenges in numerous elements of existence, it’s important to recall that astrology gives treatments and answers to stabilize these effects. Seeking steering from skilled astrologers, performing specific rituals, and cultivating positive attributes can help in minimizing the impact of doshas and result in an extra satisfying and harmonious lifestyle journey. Embracing astrology’s awareness and taking proactive steps empowers individuals to create a high-quality destiny, no matter the doshas present in their Kundali.
Read Also:- Everything about Chandra Mangal Yoga
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