#The difference between his “friends” treatment toward her vs her friends treatment toward him has got to be something he thinks about

[darlingod]

It hurts & heals me realizing that Cardan never had any real friends until Jude kidnapped took him in and her friends soon became his too.

It hurts & heals.

[fanyeline]

maybe i just have f@tt exhaustion & need a break but most of palisade has been incredibly bleak & idk if this post credits ending is going to fix that. let's take a look at where the characters started and "ended" this season

Kalvin Brnine: started unable to talk abt their feelings & with hope that millenium break could change lives. ended unable to talk abt their feelings, estranged 3 important relationships & with a death wish.

Thisbe: started w the idea that they have no freedom. ended with the realization that they have freedom, but also they have an energy thing in them that prevents them from relaxing

The Figure in Bismuth: started w wanting to break free from slavery. Ended up dead.

Phrygian: started w wanting to fight the good fight & end the war. Ended up dead.

Coriolis Sunset: started idealistic & naive. ended up grizzled, chased from planet to planet & having forcibly lost their girlfriend to a contract with a God

from my point of view, if the idea was that they wanted to make a corny, hopeful season, they picked the wrong game from the start. armor astir's pillars are practically undefeatable, that is part of the game.

secondly, the cause VS principality gameplay where the team was split into two groups didn't really work for me. it felt like it created aggression between groups, where both groups wanted to win instead of creating a collaborative story. you can hear austin struggling with this in early episodes of the game against jack & art, and eventually it felt like they just leaned into the opposition between the two groups. This is maybe "fun", but in the end it creates this feeling that there's always a losing side.

secondly part 2, the inclusion of the stellar combuster arc towards the beginning of the season felt super weird, pacing wise. i know we can't always control these things, but overall that whole arc only felt stressful, never fun or rewarding. even when brnine killed the princept, i was just kind of stressed out!

third, i'm not sure the final questlandia game was a great ending game, especially when so many of the character beats couldn't really explored in a system that's talking about kingdom level activities. Besides that, I found the choice of characters to be a little disappointing. Bringing in Levi after figure's death didn't feel like a breath of fresh air, it just felt like 'well who is this guy?'. I felt the same way about Jack's character, August Righteousness. I think either could have played a character we already had a strong connection with. What about Gucci? What about Jesset? How about Mustard Red? Keith bringing back Leap was the right choice, not only bc leap is someone we already cared about but because he's like this incredible force as a character. He is someone who generates change.

fourth, I felt the treatment of Clem as a character was absolutely ridiculous. the immediate dislike and rejection by the cast of an extremely popular character after art brought up playing her felt like it was both disrespecting art as a player and his ability to do a villain justice, and towards the listeners who have been invested in Clem's story since she was a player character in Partizan. It felt like after a certain point, Art had to give up caring about what Clem did or face backlash from the other players! In the last few kingdom episodes, art was going "I mean, whatever, I don't really care" half the time they asked him about what he felt clem would do. And I also found it to be a huge bummer to listen to the players have discourse over Clem.

There's a big difference to me over fandom discourse and players taking part in that discourse. First and foremost, Clem is a character in a story, and while their "what should we do about Clem" discussion should have revolved around how to give her a satisfying character arc, it felt more like they were trying to figure out how to wash their hands of her. I don't really understand how or why the friends soured on Clem so much, and you know what? I get being sick of a character. But having a public discussion about it was really weird, & as a fan, a total bummer to hear.

So yeah, over all I feel really burned out by this season and the decisions they've made. I think it's been a sad time. I don't think it's been fun or goofy for awhile.

Obviously as creators they have a right to do whatever they want with their art, but I can't help but find it disappointing. It feels really different to what they've put out before & I'm having a hard time enjoying this gritty, sad and stressful season.

[a-stitch-in-time-and-space]

ok i agree w/ everything you said about those ladies besides, lwaxana gives s*xual pr*dator vibes and that is why i dont like her.

I can see that reading for sure and all things are subjective. I do strongly disagree, but hey, fandom is a space for that! Super chill.

to go a little more into this though, since it's not really so much about what any of us feel, but more about how we engage with female characters (and I'll use your example of why you don't like her - not to drag you, your dislike is totally fair, she's fictional, she won't mind, but just because it's a single line that kinda puts her in a box. And not a very nice box to be in, that's for sure...)

a little tw for mild references to some of the shadier writings of star trek vis a vis sexual assault and otherwise sexist and/or strange relationship dynamics

okay so you know how Riker has like. two? episodes that're suuuper shady in terms of his treatment of women and the rest of the time it's pretty chill. and he's one of my favourite characters, but I have gotta skip those episodes, because whatever they were trying to do, they Did Not Succeed - and there's a reading of him that incorporates those elements and if you do you've gotta contend with the character being quite probably someone who's assaulted women.

or how Worf at times espouses sexist shit that makes me roll my eyes outta my head and you're either gonna say "I don't fucking like this character" (and again, totally fair, I've seen people who don't Vibe) or you've gotta find a way to make this work for you if you want to explore that character - or both of those things, you can dislike a character and want to write about them

Or some of the weird shit the writers have Geordi do (which, Geordi is my favourite character in TNG, but sometimes ya gotta breathe and go "the writers are fucking dumb, the writers are fucking dumb")

or - the spiritual successor of Geordi, Julian Bashir (my favourite character from DS9 - clearly I have a Type). You've gotta go: This is stupid writing. I can make it work with my own read of the character, but first and foremost The Writing Is Dumb!

Or hell, Q - since we're talking about Lwaxana and I assume her interactions with Picard and Odo, let's not forget to mention Q, both in TNG and on VOY with Janeway - some of the more urgh-inducing scenes between Q and Janeway are, I think, meant to be charming and funny? And I'm a massive QCard shipper here, okay, I actually vibe so hard with him as an alien who doesn't get shit about boundaries (this mostly with Picard, with Janeway I have gone: "Hm. This doesn't feel good" a fair few times).

or how the writers of DS9 had Garak be in a very uncomfortable relationship with Ziyal, who was a teenager, then not a teenager within much too short a span of episodes (and actress changes)

or Quark. Remember the episode in which Quark tries to get Kira's likeness so he can put it in a sex-fantasy roleplay that she did not consent to? or how there are two cold opens where his female employees are told they have to sleep with him to keep their jobs

or like... Neelix (okay, I am not a fan of Neelix anyway, but for people who are fans, there are times when you've gotta wonder what in the heck the writers are thinking - not the character, the writers)

what I'm trying to say with the post I wrote is that this same graciousness isn't offered to female characters - especially female characters of colour, but in the case of Lwaxana

she's older, she's an ongoing female guest star, she's very (sometimes uncomfortably) sexual towards especially Picard and for a short while Odo, before they become really good friends.

she's also in-text several times in positions in which men are trying to control her (the episode where she gets kidnapped, the episode in which the guy who's married her is a misogynist) and she uses or tries to use her "wiles" to escape these situations.

She's really more of a faded beauty who's putting a pressure onto her daughter (in a rare interesting, complex, fraught mother-daughter dynamic that I loooove) and refuses to let go of the past, because (and here we get into my read, but mildly supported by canon) it's the only way she seems to have learned how to be loved and have relevance. She's terrified of letting that go, because where does she go next, without everything that's defined her? which is why her final episode with Odo is actually so powerful to me.

Picard is never threatened by her in-text. He's not massively fond of her (at first, she grows on him... like a mold), he would prefer to avoid her, but he's not in a powerless situation here. She undoubtedly makes him uncomfortable at times in a way that - like some of the above examples have made me go "mmmmokay" but certainly not the worst example of this in the writing.

With Odo I also don't like how some of her interactions with him go in the first episode they're in together. But once they're friends and you see how easily she accepts him ("I can swim" is always going to be one of my favourite little chuckle lines) that no longer applies. He clearly likes her and enjoys her company. There's something incredibly lifelong platonic partners in their easiness with each other.

You can argue in both cases (and argue well) that there are scenes that are kinda sus. But there are lots of scenes that offer you depth of character. She's not one-note. She's got off moments.

Some of these guys (and others - I haven't watched as much TOS and Voyager so I don't want to misrepresent anyone, but I feel sure that Tom Paris has made me squint once or twice + I've not seen Enterprise yet) have whole episodes that make me shudder.

It's really - within this fandom for sure - open how we interpret characters and I'm not saying anyone needs to read Lwaxana like this or change their minds and like her.

The point of the post is not to say you have to like any of these characters. Or even to say you have to engage with them regardless of how you vibe or don't vibe with them. It's just... I have listened to several up-until-then-enjoyable deeply analytical podcasts where at some point one of the (guys... always guys... I'm guessing white) makes a sneering comment completely dismissing their value within the series.

My point is that Lwaxana (since we're on her) has value as a character within the Trek universe. She added something important. She's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's a big series, we're not all guaranteed to like everyone.

and in the original post I used "shrill" and "cringy" on purpose, because those are descriptors I've heard. And they are absolutely rooted in misogynist dismissals of female characters no matter what shape they take (Keiko, Lwaxana, Michael, and Ezri are radically different from each other and yet all easily brushed aside regardless of screentime, personality, show, age, role/job).

I'm not making points about having to engage with or like characters. I'm just saying we need to be aware of how easily we specifically look down our noses at female characters (and specifically female characters of colour - apologies, this was just because we were talking about Lwaxana, but some of the shit I've heard about especially Michael and Keiko have made me want to bang my head against a wall... or other peoples heads against walls... you know, for a nice change)

so how much sympathy or analysis of behaviour is afforded to female characters vs their male peers. What judgements are we making and how do they compare to our readings of their male counterparts?

sidenote: I hate using male and female about star trek, my brain is just like "why anyone gender? why do this? you're in space? there are aliens? y'all can't chill with the binary for two fucking seconds?"

different post

[constellaj]

I will pay you up front if you can rewrite the Urban Jungle episode. Please, I am begging you

I love undergrowth and his character but the episode was just, awful

*Alright* I am going to approach this as if it is part of the original series; I won’t be making it stupid gay, changing the overall tone or messaging of the story, making it any rating past pg-13, etc etc

with that in mind: urban jungle feels like the episode where danny and sam should have started dating (going with sam x danny to fit with the ‘original series but good’ angle). the line “i always thought you ruled” is fucking banger so what we’re going to do is extend that out into the actual theme of the ep: sam and self-esteem

sam has friction between tuck already (vegetarian vs meat eater) and in the beginning of the ep we also are gonna bump up the friction between her and danny, with how she thinks his powers should be used for good and how he just wants a break etc etc. sam gets really caught up in activism and her friends kind of snap at her for it due to burnout, so they break up what was going to be a group movie night and sam goes back to her house alone while danny and tuck go to danny’s place.

i don’t want undergrowth to magically appear, and I don’t even need it to be anything to do with urbanization necessarily; instead let’s take a popular fan theory of summoning and combine it with the premise of the episode ‘what you want,’ where tucker gets ghost powers. let’s say that sam, while digging into the occult, is like ‘if i had ghost powers/plant powers/could drive out oil industries i would in a heartbeat’ and learns about a ghost she can summon (undergrowth). danny and tuck are busy playing doomed while she does this. undergrowth takes one look at her and is like “ohoho, i can tell you love plants just so much.” he will be manipulating her and preying on her rage and feelings of inadequacy for the majority of this episode

cool, undergrowth is here now. let’s keep the enslaving-people-into-plant-zombies thing, but instead of instantaneous let’s make it a little scarier, with creeping roots sinking into the water source and slowly moving through amity, bit by bit. danny is unaffected cause he’s a ghost, and he and tucker manage to realize something’s up with the fentons before tucker gets zombified too. they’ll run to check if sam is okay, and on first glance they’ll think she’s been zombied, but of course she isn’t in the same way everyone else is. she’s a host body for undergrowth, and she’s actually actively repressing his possession (shes had a lot of practice, working alongside danny), and she’s super bitter about literally everything they’re doing and kicks them out.

it has to be shown earlier in the episode that sam feels like a lot of what she does is performative/etc and that danny and tuck are in the wrong with treating her sorta like garbage.

i’m cutting the ice powers cause that’s dumb. instead we’ll have danny and tuck working together to try and find a solution, and learning (probably through old fenton records or tucker being smart) that liquid nitrogen can get rid of undergrowth until summoned again, so they have to go all the way back to the lab at casper high and hook up some machine or other to clear the town. (retroactively, let’s make one of the earlier arguments between them and sam take place during a lab, and throw in a sidebar about liquid nitrogen; lancer saying that it should be here, dash and kwan fucking around with it, danny just touching it cause hes ghost, etc, something like that) 

as they progress undergrowth/sam starts putting spores out, meaning tucker’s also getting infected, all while theyre fighting back these different plant people all in the town. plant people still retain some of their original personality and stuff as a joke though. insert joke about plant-paulina zombie-lumbering towards Phantom, creakily going “how about a kisss” and danny just, morphs back into Fenton, and she goes “ew. gross” and leaves. that kind of thing. it’s a lot of strategy and we get to see other characters interacting in a pseudo-dreamworld with danny and tucker, and a lot should focus on self-esteem or making them feel bad to drive the point home

also what needs to be shown earlier is sam’s crush on danny.

during the progression danny has to be getting really worked up about this and eventually let slip ‘and can you believe i was going to ask her to [x event, movie, dance, etc]’ and tucker like, balks. tucker says ‘she has had a crush on you for like two years man’ and danny is like “WHAT” and now, encouragement to get things done faster. course then dramatically tucker gets turned into a plant. here we learn that the plant people are mouthpieces of sam’s self esteem issues right cause tucker just goes “well why would you like her. she’s a sweaty goth girl. she’s too loud. she’s so bossy” which are all things that sam would have said about herself/danny would have said about sam earlier when they were fighting

so danny rushes to the school and grabs the liquid nitrogen but uh-oh, of course undergrowth/sam is already there ready to stop him. something something she probably heard his conversation with tucker through another plant person, maybe valerie on a hoverboard. anyway she wants to possess danny and make him a plant person and we get the “together we can rule / I always thought you ruled” line that was the only good part in the og episode. this inspires sam to break out of the undergrowth mindset partially but, naturally, she was just a pawn for undergrowth who’s been preying on her self-esteem issues this whole time, and so now he’s like “ugh well if you’re not easy to manipulate what’s the point. i have to take over the entire planet with plants now bye”

epic fight scene with danny and sam working together to blast the man with liquid nitrogen while sam slowly gets possessed/plantified. something something something, they run out of nitrogen before sam gets totally planted, ghost breath is very cold (also needs to be referenced earlier). it’s probably tucker’s idea, but danny gets to do a magic kiss so she comes back.

it’s super awkward and she punts him at first. but then on for the rest of the series they actually ARE dating and there’s no more weird back and forth drama about things. danny’s ‘ice powers’ are now just being able to slightly control his body temperature (jokes later on about him faking sick by artificially making a low temp). sam is never once weirdly sexualized and instead she’s lashing out because she thinks her friends don’t care about her as much as they care about each other. undergrowth isn’t giving sam special treatment, she just happened to be the easiest pawn to reach

[dykesprentiss]

ok so. i know a lot of this has probably been said before, but i wanted to put my two cents in. very rambly and disorganized because i am just like that.

i think everyone in this fandom needs to examine the way they interract with male vs female characters. why is it easier for you to focus on and create content for male characters that have appeared in 2 episodes maximum, then it is for the women that are in the main cast? why do you gravitate towards ships between two male characters who have never met (specifically jonah and like. his harem of old british men. usually based on one single line of dialogue) then the actual, canon wlw relationships?

like dont get me wrong, when lonely eyes first started cropping up it was funny! i enjoyed it, i enjoyed the multiple divorce jokes, because it was a small fandom in joke that made fun of some old bastards. and now its the second most popular ship in the fandom. now its so popular, people think its canon before they start listening. why are you unable to muster that same kind of enthusiasm for any of the female characters? gertrude and mary have very similar appeal to lonely eyes, and yet its a fringe ship that nobody ever talks about. gertrude and agnes have very significant moments and mentions in the podcast, and yet the only people i see talking about them are wlw.

or we could talk about michael and helen! helen who, as of this moment, has become a key player in the storyline. helen who yeeted michael out of existence, who took over the power of the distortion by her own choice, and with her own strength. and so often i see her relegated to "vodka aunt that coos over jonmartin" is that a bad take on her? of course not! but having her only purpose be to comment on the male characters rubs me the wrong way.

lets talk about elias and mary. elias gets praise, and love, and devotion, regardless of the horrible things he does. the entire fandom has the reputation of eliasfuckers now because everyone goes so crazy for him. mary is just as evil, has just as sexy a voice (i assume lol cause tbh? eel eyes does not do it for me and never will), and people just. hate her. full stop. why is that?

it seems like manuela has been. completely forgotten. i Never see anyone talk about her. she has just as much appeal as the male avatars, so why are you so uninterested in her? sasha and tim have the same amount of importance, and both have died, but there is So much more focus on tim. why.

daisy/basira and melanie/georgie are incredibly well developed relationships, their stories are as beautiful and tragic and intimate as jonmartin, but the f/f and m/m fic ratio on ao3 is abysmal. because it seems to me that the only people writing about them are wlw.

which happens.....a lot. het relationships and gay relationships are for everyone, but lesbian ships? thats just for gay women. everyone goes head over heels for mlm movies, regardless of sexuality, but wlw movies never receive the same kind of treatment. why.

this isn't even touching on the. blatant and disgusting fetishising of mlm. elias is evil because hes gay and skanky. tim is bi so he must sleep around. tim and martin are both mlm in the same vicinity of each other so they must have had a friends with benefits relationship. jon/elias and peter/martin have significant age differences and power disparities, so they must have an incredibly fucked up sexual relationship. jon is ace, but yall just fully ignore that so you can write horny fic of him. (and im going to be completely honest, if you get legitimate joy from writing manipulative r*pe fic involving these characters, Especially involving an ace character, ( edit: i apologize for my wording here, i didnt intend to compare trauma between ace and non ace ppl. my point is that jon seems to be the main target in these fics, and that they seem to be a direct response to his asexuality. fic like this is bad regardless of who is targetted). than that is a big problem. you arent "exploring dark topics in a meaningful way" youre writing fucked up porn for your own sick enjoyment. get angry at me all u want lmao but i stand by that)

i could go on about this forever, but what im really asking is for people to look inward and ask yourselves why you are so against connecting and interracting with female characters? no one is saying you cant like the men, but if theyre the only ones you care about? thats a problem. there are more women in tma then there are men, but they still feel like the minority because of the way the fandom acts. this isnt just a tma problem either! you can put as many rounded out female characters as you want into your content, and every time without fail they will be pushed to the side in favor of the men.

and dont come at me with "oh if you want content of the women you should make it" like we fucking are. the issue is that wlw are the only ones doing it. just take a second and think. are you ignoring the female characters in favor of the men? why? why is that your first instinct? why do you not feel the need to go against that instinct?

[sepublic]

Recognizing Lilith’s Progress

           You know what? Perhaps I’ve been too harsh towards Lilith, at least in regards to her relationship with Eda specifically. I think we need to remember that while Lilith really WANTED Eda to join the Emperor’s Coven for thirty-something years… She always made it a point to vouch for her sister’s freedom, as seen when Lilith destroys those Wanted Posters at Covention just so the two could get into a petty squabble. And as we see at the end of Sense and Insensitivity, she WANTED to let Eda make the choice and decision, on her own, to join the Emperor’s Coven… Lilith wanted it to be fully voluntary and was completely willing to wait as long as it’d take (which would actually be an eternity) for Eda to change her mind.

           And, obviously there’s that disrespectful assumption that Eda WILL eventually change her mind, that it’s an inevitable sort of thing she has to figure out, that Lilith’s way is objectively right and it’s just a matter of Edalyn realizing the truth… But still. I think it hints at some potential growth and maturity, or at least an implicit acknowledgement of Eda’s genuine issues with the Emperor’s Coven that are unrelated to the curse- Hence why Eda makes it clear that she’s not joining Belos anytime soon to cure her curse, so Lilith never brings it up again until after THAT specific revelation… Lilith gets it, she gets that Eda has had reasons beyond the curse to despise the Emperor’s Coven, she figured that much out by now- Lilith just needs to realize that those reasons are actually valid, and/or that the Coven System’s benefits do NOT outweight the cons that Eda has to list.

           Sure, maybe this just indicates Lilith of being particularly ignorant, because she’s willfully ignorant to facts she knows deep-down… But maybe it’s also Lilith beginning to make tenuous progress towards understanding Eda, and eventually confessing to the curse on her own terms. But of course, Belos has to ruin this- He rushes and pressures Lilith, who is clearly unhappy about entering Eda’s space in Wing it like Witches, instead of waiting for Eda to intiate contact on her own terms. And you can tell, because Lilith still humors Eda’s Grudgby game and the terms set- She doesn’t WANT to force Eda, and is looking for any reason not to, in addition to wanting to hang out with her sister as always. And maybe this is just indicative of Lilith’s cowardice because she knows she can’t take Eda on in a fight, even with the curse…

           And speaking of cowardice, perhaps Lilith choosing to look the other way and bend the law for Eda, but not outright joining her, was indicative of indecision too; Lilith didn’t actively choose nor desire to cut ties with Eda and make her an enemy, it was just supposed to be a one-time thing and ideally, the two would remain best friends and sisters even after it. But Lilith couldn’t take a full stance with the Emperor’s Coven, or with Eda- She had to choose between the two, but really thought both options were actually reconcilable. Not to mention, Lilith still could’ve chosen to at least share the curse…

          But I can also see her justifying this because the Emperor’s Coven wouldn’t accept a half-cursed witch, and Lilith –corectly- saw the EC as a means of curing Eda… So it’d just be a matter of putting off this treatment in favor of a full-on cure, later down the line. Still, damage was dealt, and as Dana herself confirmed; Even if Eda had been cured, her hair would’ve still been gray. And clearly Lilith was being a little selfish and a coward herself, not wanting to bear any part of the curse, nor handle the social ostracization she subjected Edalyn towards with it.

           But considering how Lilith eventually makes the choice to save Eda from petrification, even at the risk of losing her spot in the Emperor’s Coven (not necessarily the requirement up until Belos catches her), I think it’s safe to say that if Lilith hadn’t already reached that understanding/epiphany a long time ago- We were actually watching her do so as the season progressed, seeing Lilith realize what she had to finally do after years of procrastination. We’ve known through her introduction that Lilith has been bending the law for Eda, even if she doesn’t approve, and now she’s possibly beginning to; Things HAD been changing, potentially for the better, maybe Lilith had been taking initiative to truly grow…

          I think there were genuine moments when after seeing how Eda felt, Lilith legit considered confessing, particularly near the end of Covention and Sense and Insensitivity; That she wasn’t so dead-set on taking this truth to her grave, that maybe Lilith realized that considering how much Eda had done for her by opening up emotionally, or rescuing Lilith… Even if it wasn’t ‘technically necessary’, Lilith still owed it to Eda to be honest, with the added benefit of Lilith’s own conscience being relieved. Maybe Lilith really was shaping up to confess on her own terms, in a healthy and calm environment…

          Until again, Belos has to ruin it. I think Lilith growing as a person and beginning to understand Eda, in addition to the impending Day of Unity, was what convinced Belos to intervene; Because now Lilith’s loyalty was in question, and so in a test Belos sets the ultimatum of either having Lilith prove her loyalty andcompetency, or else just die and no longer be a nuisance to him. Either he wants to reverse Lilith’s development, or else just be rid of her as a threat completely. I really do feel that Eda and Lilith had been making progress prior to Belos’ interference; Or maybe, his interference DID help, because you need to get through the worst to really achieve the best.

          Lilith and Eda weren’t truly going to make amends until both sisters confronted the darkest feelings they felt towards one another and conquered them, together- And Belos hastened Lilith’s confession, and got it out of the way to pave the way for reconciliation… As an unintended byproduct to his ACTUAL goals, of course, because again- He really doesn’t care for people, they’re more afterthoughts to him if not tangentially relevant. And there are certainly better ways to get the sisters to be honest than what he set up… Eda and Lilith did something with that situation, only because sometimes you just have to work with what you get. And what you got could’ve been so much better, which means it was unnecessarily terrible.

          But, back to the subject: Belos has to threaten to execute Lilith, and now she’s terrified for her life, her own role model will kill her if she doesn’t do what she wants… And in her justifiable panic –she has until the end of the day to do this and she’s already burnt through half of it- Lilith gets VERY stressed-out… She feels very insecure, and she defaults to some petty mindsets and feelings that she’d normally avoid. Believe it or not, people tend to think good, mature, and rational things in a healthy and comfortable environment, VS a cult that is promising death if you don’t comply within a very short and unreasonable amount of time, to do something you’ve incredibly uncomfortable with.

           Maybe there was some relief in Lilith, when Eda arrived for that final duel- That now the blame was kind of out of her hands, because it wasn’t HER choice to force Eda, this was just Belos, maybe there’s some roundabout gratitude towards him for taking Eda’s capture into his own hands, and thus absolving Lilith of some of the painful responsibility by low-key ‘doing it’ for her… This isn’t REALLY Lilith’s choice, this isn’t really her own actions, it’s Belos’, especially since Lilith is being threatened- And so she justifiably doesn’t have to feel bad for her part, because it’s just Belos forcing her to do this! And while she’s not totally wrong…

          Lilith still chose to take Luz hostage, not to mention this connects back to that discussion about how you still have moral culpability, even if you’re just ‘following orders’, or if your situation is so un-ideal that you have to do terrible things to survive (plus Belos certainly wasn’t acting out of any concern for Lilith either). Perhaps Lilith saw the situation as unchangeable, so there was no point in fretting over the cons, and instead she should just focus on the bright side of things- That Eda will get to be with her and will be cured of the curse, and so Lilith looks a little too happy to see Eda arrive for that duel! And as I said- Any smug satisfaction she has from carrying out her job is more from Belos, it’s not actually a reflection of Lilith, just her relief that Belos isn’t going to kill her!

           Of course, like I said- When Lilith is stressed out or not feeling so great about herself… She can default to some toxic mindsets as a pick-me-up. Hence why she brings up being better than Eda through the curse, because what right does Eda have to lecture her about morals and responsibility, when clearly Eda is the irresponsible criminal who adopted this random human? Eda can’t imagine what it’s like for Lilith, trying so hard to be patient all those years, putting in the effort and humility to finally work around with Eda and to adapt to her, to better understand Eda’s thought process… Eda has no idea what it’s like being threatened by Emperor Belos, Lilith isn’t as strong and independent as her, it’s not as easy to protect herself or go off and do her own thing!

          And what does Eda know about Lilith being a bad person for cursing her, Eda doesn’t know that Lilith expected the curse to be just for a day, that she was a child who was scammed, duped, and tricked by an adult- Eda doesn’t know what it’s like to not be as talented, to be so terrified of being left behind! So yes, Lilith IS weaker than Eda… And what about it? If Eda were in Lilith’s spot, she’d do the same- So don’t act so high-and-mighty, there IS a difference between the two of us and our situations; So now that you’ve acknowledged this, stop judging Lilith for it! Stop yelling at Lilith, hating and judging her for not being good enough like everyone else does, like Lilith does to herself, as Belos does now… Don’t forget YOU’RE not so high-and-mighty yourself, not all of the time- So remember those moments of weakness and what it felt like, whenever you judge me, try being in MY shoes, and remember what it was like in them!

          If this is how you feel about and treat me, then maybe you DESERVED to be cursed, so you could be on my level and realize how you’ve always made me feel- That this was the only way you could understand, the only way you and I could see eye-to-eye and truly reconcile! Can’t you see Lilith is TRYING, it’s already hard enough as-is, can’t you appreciate what Lilith DID manage to do and accomplish, you’re just like myself and everyone else, always ignoring that and focusing on where Lilith screwed up! If you’re disappointed that Lilith went that far, well news flash- She’s ALWAYS gone that far, she’s not the perfect person you expected her to be, Edalyn, try paying more attention next time and being considerate of this! This is not Lilith’s decision, can’t you tell- You speak so much of Belos making people do terrible things and being harsh to them, can’t you remember this when he’s literally right there, watching us!?

          I’m your own sister, who’s done everything for you, we’ve known each other for decades and I’ve been putting in the agonizing work to understand you; Why are you prioritizing some random human you just met, a human who enables your bad behavior, over me?! Lilith didn’t want this, she didn’t take joy in this, Eda is forgetting that Lilith has a lot to lose herself… And now it’s coming down to her own LIFE, too! Lilith isn’t enjoying this, stop assuming the worst, that there’s so much more malice from her than there actually is, can’t Eda tell how much Lilith cares, how much it’s been eating her up on the inside over what happened…

          Lilith is TIRED of feeling terrible and she just wants someone to understand, to listen to her, to get it! She’s used to accepting the blame and the guilt, when can someone finally tell Lilith that it’s okay, that you tried your best and it’s not the end of the world… I can see how she got so indoctrinated by the Emperor’s Coven, as it must’ve given her that false sense of validation, when Lilith felt she wasn’t getting any from Eda; But in the end, she realized that Belos’ support and the glory of her spot was all superficial and conditional. But before that, Lilith in her pure stress confesses to cursing Eda, as a culmination of all of her insecurities, her frustrations at herself and others, and a desperate desire to feel seen and heard in a way that she hasn’t beforehand… To have an intimate part of her recognized, even if that means admitting to her worst sin.

           Then she backtracks, she realizes what she’s done, because this is Lilith- And even if she has issues with fixing her problems, she’s at least somewhat learning, or at least not repeating certain mistakes. Lilith remembers that she’s being unfair to Eda, and she panics in the revelation of Eda now TRULY hating her, which was something Lilith always feared. Lilith pointlessly brings up how she can cure the curse, and in retrospect… I think she was fully aware, both from a conscious and deep-down standpoint, that curing Eda’s curse wouldn’t undo the damage, but she resorted to it as damage control anyway because that was what she was used to- In moments of stress, Lilith does things she’d normally know better than to do.

          Lilith tried to de-escalate the revelation by claiming she could help cure the curse, even though Eda’s known for this for a long while- And I think she tried to reframe the cure as coming from her, not Belos, so Eda will feel more open to the idea, as Lilith mentions that SHE can cure it, when in reality it’s more like she can –supposedly- convince Belos to do so. After all, if Lilith is curing the curse, then surely Eda doesn’t mind getting treatment from her, because it’s not like Lilith would DEMAND anything of Eda in return… She’d definitely feel entitled to it, but Lilith has always made a point beforehand to still respect Eda’s boundaries, to an extent- And I don’t think it’s just an issue with tracking down Eda, either.

           Of course it wouldn’t matter if Lilith fully had the power to cure Eda’s curse on her own and did it purely of her own good will, because Eda still hates the Emperor’s Coven, and I think Lilith has reached that point where she’s forced herself to acknowledged this. But she panics and brings up the cure as a distraction, because Lilith remembers that she’s doing this all for Eda, that she DOES love her sister and always will, no matter how aggravating Eda can be, because she’s all that Lilith truly has left. Lilith knows she’s grasping at straws, but she may as well try anyway; She’s reminding herself and Eda that in the end, she regretted the curse and would rather have it gone than stay… That there’s no need to worry Eda, Lilith isn’t going to curse her a second time, not even now! All of this work has been done to CURE the curse, remember…?

          Lilith DOES have remorse, and she’s been putting in the work and Lilith really thinks it’s paid off, she really thinks her work in the Emperor’s Coven has guaranteed a cure from Belos- And if only Eda would just listen and be proud of her for this, and realize and acknowledge that Lilith has grown since then, that she’s made progress from never wanting to repeat that mistake, to attempting to undo it… Lilith is basically trying to damage-control her confession by admitting that yes she’s made a mistake, but she’s grown since then and put in the effort to undo it, and I’ve succeeded in finding a cure! I’m not a total failure, don’t turn your back on me now, I’ve CHANGED since then, the Lilith who cursed you is now gone Eda, you never had to worry about her now because she left, all those years ago!

          So Eda can understand why Lilith didn’t think it was necessary to confess, it’d have just caused the two of them needless pain, as you can probably feel right now…! Sure I wasn’t perfect after all, but you can at least now appreciate how I’ve grown! That’s what you’ve wanted, right- For me to grow and improve, to be the older sister you deserved, to learn from my mistakes? Well, it turns out I HAVE been… Even if it also turns out that yes, there were even more mistakes I made that you never knew about, but if I can fix those, then I can fix the rest, so pleasedon’t give up on me! I haven’t been static, I’ve actually been actively improving over the years, I just… have a LOT to work on, okay, and it just seemed like I didn’t and that I wasn’t doing anything. Lilith wanted Eda to remember that this revelation was something Lilith herself had always known, and yet she still chose to vouch for Eda and bend the law, look the other way for her sister, for years… So please remember this! That all that happened AFTER her worst mistake…

          Lilith really wants to believe she’s stopped hurting her sister and is past that, because the last time she hurt Eda it REALLY had the worst possible impact on the two of them. It’s a desperate reassurance, that yes Lilith has acted smug about the curse in the past, but you should listen to reason Edalyn, try to approach this from a calm standpoint unlike how I just did, if you’re allegedly so much better than me (and I admit this fact). Except Eda IS being reasonable here, Eda isn’t fighting Lilith and avoiding her just because she felt like it, she doesn’t take any joy in this either, and both sisters are mutually trying to survive the depraved situation that Belos set up to put them at each other’s throats.

          And sure, Lilith is trying to soften the blow by conceding that Eda’s emotional reaction to the confession is reasonable itself, that Lilith does indeed understand and consider how Eda feels, Eda just needs to make her actions sensible too; Eda has issues with Lilith not understanding her feelings/decisions and not seeing them as valid, so Lilith insists she actually does! But Eda’s trying to do what she thinks is best for herself AND Luz, who Lilith has characteristically disregarded.

          It’s worth noting that Lilith never brings up, “I won’t hurt Luz/I can heal her if she GETS hurt” to deter and calm down Eda, because she still has a lot more understanding to do. Really, I think Lilith is just so tired of admitting that she’s wrong and has messed up… So when confronted with yet another major example of this (capturing Luz) she doesn’t want to admit it because Lilith wants to believe she’s grown past her old self, that she’s no longer the fool she was and can’t make mistakes regarding this stranger, much less Edalyn; In addition to wanting Eda to make concessions for once, because Lilith feels like Eda has been unfair to her in some ways, especially since Eda didn’t know Lilith was at fault.

          I feel like Lilith just wants to be valued, to have her efforts and achievements, and what little progress she does, be acknowledged… And to be reassured by the knowledge that she IS improving, that she won’t always be a screw-up; I can see why the Coven System’s rhetoric of “If you put in the effort then surely things will get better” is such an attractive lie to Lilith… In addition to wanting to ignore how the Emperor’s Coven also turns around, and insists that most witches will only ever be good at this one innate talent for the rest of their life, so that’s the only thing they should stick to. Lilith wants to believe she isn’t like the rest, that she can grow and improve herself and be on top, that she’s the exception that the Coven System accepts as part of its Emperor’s Coven. Being a part of that group is basically being told that you’re better than everyone else, and the existence of a hierarchy is worth it to Lilith if she can have the chance for such validation, even at the expense of others… Especially, really.

          And now that Lilith is at the Owl House, I’d really love to see Luz “We can fix this together” Clawthorne Noceda provide some support, if she’s willing… I think she can understand how it feels to not have your efforts to improve and grow be appreciated. Then there’s King, who I think has a LOT he can relate to with Lilith, over being someone who feels obligated to do terrible things, and justifies it because he’s not as well-off as others, and it’s unfair to judge him because you have it so much easier, you don’t know what it’s like for him! And maybe Eda could make it clear to Lilith that she DID understand, she always thought the world of her, and every little action Lily did for Eda’s sake meant a lot… Maybe Eda needed to be a bit more upfront about her appreciation herself, as did Lilith.

          Of course, there’s also the revelation of the curse to go over as well, but… In the end, Eda just wants the best of Lilith, so every time Lilith DOES make progress, it really meant everything to her. She even sort of appreciated the lengths that Lilith was willing to go for her, to an extent- But when you consider what Lilith did to others (such as Luz), and how she did things that Eda never asked her to do; All while Lilith expected compensation for these efforts because she wasn’t totally altruistic (while expecting Eda to appreciate this under the lens of Lilith being a good sister, and not Lilith actively making up for something she caused)… It sometimes felt more like a disregard of Eda, rather than an actual regard. I can imagine Lilith letting the guilt of her mistakes crash down on her, and become resigned to the idea of being terrible and causing harm, and admitting that of course Eda had all of these expectations for Lilith that she’d never been able to live up to; She WAS the older sister, it was Lilith’s responsibility by blood to do that, and she failed! No wonder Eda depises her so…

          And while those feelings did occur briefly with the capture of Luz, I think Eda and Luz can reassure Lilith that she HAS done good, that her change of heart was amazing to them, and it’s given them hope for Lilith. She’s no hopeless cause, Lilith has provided them plenty of reason not to give up on her, just recently she gave her best reason why by freeing Eda! And maybe Eda can admit that if Lilith went this far, and did these terrible things- Then maybe she wasn’t exactly in the best state of mind, and that needs addressing above all else. Eda DOES care, and it’s that care and love that led to her being so disapproving and distraught over what happened to Lilith, because she saw it all as harmful to her sister… And with Luz’s recent inspiration, and Eda’s feeling of having never accomplished anything up until her favorite human arrived;

          Perhaps Eda will acknowledge that as the most powerful witch in the Boiling Isles, maybe she should’ve done more to really get into Lilith’s head, and get her out of that situation. Or at least, have Eda admit to Lilith that SHE was respecting Lily’s decisions too, hence why she didn’t try to force her… I think if Lilith brought up to Eda that she didn’t think her sister would join the Emperor’s Coven, even if it was to save her from execution- Eda would’ve insisted that she would, or at least she’d work to find a way out for the both of them. And that, I feel, would mean so much to Lilith, and both reassure and encourage her to make things right, now that Lilith understands that she DID get the love she was due, and that her efforts had been recognized.

          She did put in the work, and Lilith did get the pay-off, in a sense… So she has a lot more incentive to keep working to make things right; In addition to also recognizing that she wasn’t getting that appreciation from Belos, who’s an utter lunatic and actually chose to hurt Lilith, only doing good things for her as a side-effect and/or if it’d benefit him- Unlike Eda. Your efforts aren’t for naught, and things CAN and will change for the better, if you put in the work- So don’t worry about them not paying off.

          You’re not taking a risk going down this path… Its benefits are laid-out and guaranteed, unlike what you might get siding with the Emperor’s Coven, or using a curse that is ambiguous about its effects. All you have to do, Lilith, is make that personal decision, to take that initiative- And now that you’re with your real family, the rest will fall into place. Just as Eda provides a support network and a safety net for Luz’s own mistakes and exploration and risks, she can do the same for Lilith… You’re safe now.

          TL;DR I think Lilith HAD been making effort and progress, prior to Agony of a Witch. And even if her issues with willful ignorance were still present, they hadn’t been as bad as I’d initially perceived. Maybe Belos’ ultimatum, forcing Lilith to realize what she valued more –her sister or the Emperor’s Coven- hadn’t been all that necessary, that maybe Lily would’ve figured this out eventually… Though you could also say too little, too late; But also, better late than never. In a way, maybe Belos’ ultimatum WAS better than the alternative of Lilith taking her time to eventually and inevitably have a change of heart, because as we see with the progression of the curse… Time is of plenty of importance, and the more that passes, the more we know will still remain, even after a hypothetical cure.

          My point is, as terrible as Lilith was, I think we were seeing her change and learn, and become set on the trajectory for making true amends with Eda, before Belos came back into the picture. It wasn’t just Belos forcing Lilith into an ultimatum with Luz’s input, that changed Lilith’s heart… I feel that if this scenario had happened much earlier in Season 1, we could’ve seen Lilith act a little differently, perhaps with much less sympathy and understanding. I think there were genuine moments of learning and realization that led up to that fateful choice in Season 1, and I think it’s time I acknowledged this; That in the discussion of Lilith’s arc in Season 2, perhaps we need to remember that she HAD been improving, before Agony of a Witch came about.

          Lilith wasn’t that hopeless, and she was doing better than I initially realized- Not much better, but it’s better than nothing of course. Let’s not give Belos any credit here, and while Luz has done an umimaginable contribution… It’s ultimately down to oneself to change, and all the effort in the world doesn’t matter if you don’t choose to change; And Lilith DID make that decision! If people think Lilith’s character development has been ‘rushed’, then it needs to be considered that maybe we already did see her grow throughout Season 1…

          And so when Season 2 rolls about, it’s not out of the question for us to be pleasantly surprised, and see that Lilith has already figured a couple of things out, not just between seasons; But even on-screen, during Season 1! Sure Lilith had a relapse, but so did Amity, and Lilith also had to deal with the threat of execution, and the belief that joining the Emperor’s Coven WOULD cure Eda. I think Lilith actually, already made some decent progress on her character arc that is overlooked/forgotten… Her transition into the Owl House by understanding Eda and Luz’s points, may not be so rocky after all- I think Lilith has actually had a little bit of a headstart on that! So whenever I look at Lilith now, I can’t help but think;

          ...And maybe Eda feels the same way, too.

[bestworstcase]

Hi, I really love your thoughts and analysis on tts so I wanted to ask if you have read The Vanishing Village Book? It made me really think about Eugene's character. I sorta disliked him in the book and felt his relationship with Rapunzel was different and strained. I guess my question is if you think Eugene is a good character? I feel that I am biased for liking the story and relationship between Cassandra and Rapunzel so perhaps I am not seeing him in a fair light but there's just factors that make me feel he might not be the best for Rapunzel. I love their relationship and value & dedication towards each other but their relationship can feel a bit stale sometimes and Eugene can come off as not understanding and dismissive towards Rapunzel sometimes so ig I'd like to be proven wrong and be reminded that Eugene is good for Rapunzel

i have read vanishing village (and i remember liking it better than lost lagoon) but i have to admit i don’t remember anything but the very broad strokes of the plot, so i don’t feel equipped to do any analysis of eugene based on it; that being said -

i do really like eugene as a character in the sense that he is. interesting / engaging / compelling, which yeah to my mind that’s what makes a “good character” but also has nothing to do with the, kind of, moral or personal question of but is he a good guy or is he likable or sympathetic or that kind of thing. and on that my feelings are more ambivalent kfjfjdhs

on the one hand i do find his relationship with rapunzel in tts to be fairly refreshing. it’s nice to see a fictional m/f couple that is just… comfortable with each other, friends with each other, able to talk about their problems collaboratively with each other. that is so rare in fiction, where the tendency is so often to rely on miscommunication to manufacture relationship drama or do the will they won’t they, on again off again nonsense which is just so tiresome - and it feels good to have a m/f couple that eschews that altogether. and it’s also imo really nice that the m/f relationship fades so much into the background vis a vis the wider plot, which i know is not necessarily a popular opinion [vague gestures at all the ‘eugene was sidelined’ discourse] but, like, i feel like i can count on one hand the number of stories i know where the female protagonist *has a male love interest* without the story being ABOUT him, and with the male love interest filling this supportive narrative role while quietly and subtly dealing with his own problems on the side? it’s so difficult to find stories where men aren’t centered and so i appreciate eugene and new dream a lot for that reason too.

but at the same time like - eugene def falls victim to the plot-driven writing just like every other character does and that frustrates me because i think ultimately having all these loose threads hanging with him means his character feels a bit stagnant, and that in turn makes his flaws more glaring because they’re never… worked on or addressed, they just sort of persist or silently fade away for the most part. (which again, is true of literally every character because the storytelling of tts is highly plot driven and episodic)

& that phenomenon can make character interpretation a little convoluted, because… well the intentions of the narrative are signaled pretty baldly (eugene grows out of his selfishness and becomes a compassionate hard working leader for corona, which he has embraced as his home) without having much if any on-screen development to back it up (indeed the premise of flynnposter involves eugene shirking his new responsibilities, and then it concludes with a commitment from him to take the captain gig seriously - but thereafter the only time we get to see this demonstrated through him encouraging project obsidian [which makes him look the opposite of compassionate or responsible given he is excitedly planning to extrajudicially murder cassandra] and then joining the fight against zhan tiri [which literally everyone in corona does]). so do we take what the textual development shows us and conclude that eugene is, at the end of the day, just another cop, or do we take the narrative signaling as a given and fill in the textual gaps with our own imaginations? i tend to fall heavier on the textual side but i do try to take intentions into consideration when they are signaled so clearly, because i understand the structural and corporate limitations on what the tts team were able to do with the story.

anyways - i also have some fraught feelings about new dream because, in the film, it’s not a relationship that i can buy into at all. rapunzel is 17, a few days shy of 18, when an adult man in his mid-twenties tumbles into her bedroom, hits on her, tries to take advantage of her naïveté so he can recover his stolen goods and screw her over because he’s spent his life cultivating an attitude of selfish disregard for anyone but himself, but she’s so sweet he decides to give emotional vulnerability a try and within three days they’re in love and then they get MARRIED?? and he’s literally the first person rapunzel has ever met who wasn’t her “mother”? excuse me???

and i get the impression the tts team was fully cognizant of that problem and made a real effort to address it, as much as they could within the context of the designated disney princess couple - that’s how we get things like the BEA proposal and rapunzel and eugene talking their feelings out afterwards and agreeing to take things slower, and that’s how we get things like rapunzel having cass and eugene having lance so they have lives and identities and relationships outside of each other, and it’s why eugene has a little arc of becoming less self-absorbed in the front half of s1 and why cassandra overtly criticizes his treatment of rapunzel in BEA and so on and so forth. like no one says it OUT LOUD in the series but rapunzel’s and eugene’s relationship is fraught with peril because of the way they met and came together, and it takes significant emotional work from both of them to navigate that to arrive at a healthy place, and i enjoy watching that play out.

so yeah eugene is sometimes too in his own head to notice when something is wrong with rapunzel, like how he misses how unhappy she is in BEA because *he’s* so jazzed about palace living, and sometimes they struggle to get on the same page with each other in general; but that’s just, kind of the gig where relationships are concerned. what matters to me is that whenever these hiccups happen we see, typically some confusion or distress from him or rapunzel or both, and then they reach out for each other and talk about it until they reach an understanding, which is the correct healthy way to manage this sort of conflict in a relationship. and of course through it all eugene is pretty unflagging in his absolute support of rapunzel - even if he doesn’t always *express it* in a good way, he is always very invested in rapunzel’s happiness and well-being. like even the BEA proposal, eugene’s fuck up lies in assuming that rapunzel felt the same way he did about everything and that proposing now would make her happy - there’s self-absorption there but not to the point where he isn’t concerned about her feelings, so when he upsets her he immediately realizes that he screwed up and shelves his own feelings to focus on hers, which is very Good Partner of him.

and then again on a metatextual level i do kind of hate that rapunzel’s arc is essentially, trapped in corona -> adventure! -> adventure is traumatic time to go home -> exact same circumstances she started in but she’s happy about it now. not to say i object to rapunzel embracing her role as a princess/queen per se, but in an ideal world i would like that to come from a place of rapunzel remaking her role to suit herself rather than just kind of… this ‘well got the wanderlust out of my system forever!’ vibe i get from plus est. this isn’t directly related to eugene at all but i think it does splash over onto him on account of him being so closely intertwined with her life in corona. if rapunzel were given an arc about tearing down institutions that stifled her in s1 and really rebuilding corona to be better (something that is lightly implied in canon but never quite makes its way to outright text) then of course eugene would have been her number one supporter - but she doesn’t get that arc and so eugene ends up just kind of being there while rapunzel settles into the role laid out for her. (the destiny narrative being played painfully straight in this regard doesn’t help either.)

this is all a bit of a ramble but i guess what i’m getting at is i think at the end of the day the thing that makes new dream feel a bit stale or stagnant is the series sticking to this aggressively pro-monarchy, status quo is good, mass market appeal narrative enforced by the reality of Disney Princess Show, and that’s not eugene’s fault or any character’s fault, it’s a corporate issue and writing issue.

oh and also personally i think eugene’s biggest flaw in the new dream relationship is he has a tendency to enable rapunzel’s worst impulses via unquestioning support - a little healthy skepticism can be very good for a relationship vs just being your partner’s yes man. so when i imagine a character trajectory for him post-series it involves eugene getting more comfortable pushing back when rapunzel is pursuing ideas that are bad in some way.

[valiantarcher]

I have random and assorted thoughts on my Constance Savery reads over the past couple of weeks. I’ve categorised them by work (Magic in My Shoes, “The Waswytch Secret”, The Reb and the Redcoats, The Good Ship Red Lily, and Enemy Brothers) so those who haven’t read all of them have the option to (hopefully easily) scroll past the unread ones if they so desire. I have also put them under the cut due to length.

Magic in My Shoes: I enjoyed Sally as the narrator, and the premise was engaging even with me knowing the secret early in the book. I was a little surprised by the accusations of ill-nourishment and neglect against Aunt Persis, but in retrospect, I appreciate that realism - four growing children are not going to flourish off even generous portions for two of them. Which brings me to my main complaint - Tandy and his unwillingness to see gorging himself was selfish and wrong on many levels. Despite the thin excuse that he had been delicate and sickly at times in the past, I really expected Josset (with Laurence’s support) to put his foot down instead of continuing to baby him (after all, as someone remarked, triplets are all of the same age). Tandy didn’t ruin the story for me, but he made certain parts of it very irritating. I did love the plan involving ten-year-old Laurence becoming a schoolteacher and, when Aunt Persis declared that was nonsense, all the children bring up a moral tale with a six-year-old being so studious that she became a teacher as solid proof.

“The Waswytch Secret”: Given that it was in a collection of ghost stories (well, sort of - most had some sort of haunting element, if only a little, but I’m still not sure why “The Red-Headed League” was included), I wasn’t sure what to expect at first. It was thoroughly Savery, though, and an enjoyable read with an element of mystery. It felt slightly different from her novels, and I think that was due to the choice of one of the younger children as narrator.

Reb and Redcoats: This was a reread and I found it a pretty fun one this time around. Randal’s integration into and relationship with the Darringtons was charming. I couldn’t decide whether Tim Wingate’s inaptitude for stealth and secrecy was more irritating or amusing, but I swung towards the latter by the end, especially given his cheerful nature. My main gripe is that I still feel like the Patty switch was kind of cheating.

The Good Ship Red Lily: I struggled with this one a lot even past (or maybe because of) the tense start. Violet was a horrible child, and I loathed Ingram and disliked Sir Timon. Objectively, of course it’s good that there was reconciliation with Ingram and that he repented and asked forgiveness, but I could not make myself invested in it (though the tiny glimpses we had of it from Michael’s perspective helped a little). I enjoyed Toby as primary character a lot and especially appreciated his resolution to deny the pleasures when he felt accepting them would go against his conscience. I wasn’t very pleased with the treatment of Patience, though - Toby said the others didn’t join him in his denial because they were too young to understand; while that certainly makes sense for the younger ones (and Violet is a category in and of herself), Patience is a year older than him and - although not privy to all the knowledge and trust from their father that Toby is - was Toby’s confidant about plans to escape. She showed a lack of wisdom in following Violet up the chimney, but that could partially have been explained by her caregiving to the younger children. Regardless, especially since all knew about Ingram’s betrayal, I think Patience at least should have been given a reason for not seeing the pleasures as a betrayal of their father instead of being pushed to the side and under the general but false umbrella of “too young to understand”.

Enemy Brothers: Especially after The Good Ship Red Lily, I was afraid this one might not live up to the positive recollection I had of it - but it didn’t disappoint. I very much appreciated that, although Dym was the one who had a special connection with Tony, Tony belonged to the entire family and they to him. I know Tony takes it lightly at the end and chalks it up to their keenness for detective work, but James and Porgy cycling 60 miles after him and the German in the car was no small thing. And, while it bugs me a little bit that Ginger doesn’t recgonise Tony despite the marked resemblance to Dym, I’ll let it go with the idea that he thinks he’s familiar but his brain doesn’t provide the correct context while on ship. I have a new appreciation for Dym. On one hand, of course he is gentle and doesn’t take harm easily from Tony - he’s been searching for Tony for years and so he’s been choosing to love Tony for years. And, on the other, you can tell he still hasn’t forgiven Max’s Mutti for stealing Tony and just how much effort it takes for him to choose to tell Tony to still love her and that he will take him to see her after the war. I also appreciate the honesty that Dym had in discussing England’s past and how they were not always on the side of right but that this time, they were. Also, Dym was a bomber pilot! I don’t know the exact statistics, but this was an incredibly dangerous job. I’m sure it varied some between organizations and aircraft, but if you were on the crew of a US B-17 bomber doing runs, the odds were you would only make it halfway through the 25 runs (I believe that’s right for the year it was published?) you were supposed to before being killed, captured, or severely injured. Even if you beat the odds and made it through all those runs (as some did), you would have had multiple crewmembers who did not and so would not have kept your full crew together (Were there rare exceptions to this, crews who made it all together? I hope so, but I don’t know). At any rate, when Euphemia comments to Dym and his friends to leave croquet until the summer when it was warmer and the way they all looked at each other for a moment as if there was no certainty that summer would come hit hard this time. (Oh, I just found someone noting that the RAF flew night missions and had a higher casualty rate than the US bombers, though it did depend on the year, of course - if they weren’t in the worst year yet, they were heading into it.) And the moment when Tony finds Dym and comes up behind him, nervous and afraid, and whispers “Please, George, I’ve come back” is just wonderful. I think there’s an idea of fear and justice vs. love and mercy, along with the hope that the choice of coming back will make a difference, but I haven’t figured out how to put it into words. I’m actually kind of shocked this book has never been made into a movie or a mini-series, especially when WWII stories have been so popular in somewhat recent years. But perhaps the strong Christian threads have put producers off (...not that that’s stopped others from mangling or removing them from other works).

The Good Ship Red Lily and Enemy Brothers: Enemy Brothers feels like a kind of inverse of The Good Ship Red Lily. Both books deal with children meeting and spending time with family members (and because of kidnapping, no less) and making decisions as to where home is and who true family is, but the role of the family is drastically different. In Red Lily, the dapper uncle is the kidnapper. Ingram tries to act like he is filling the kind, wise, but fun adult role and the children do love him for that. However, he is directly and actively responsible for their kidnapping, for previous imprisonment of their father, and for the current attempt to capture their father. In Enemy Brothers, Dym is ostensibly in the enemy role (being English and responsible for Tony’s “imprisonment” in the White Priory), but his actions are kind, loving, and (mostly) wise. Even when Tony is hating him, he can’t deny there’s a magnetism around Dym that all the children, including him, recognise and respond to. It’s not quite that serious, but I am reminded of the exchange in The Fellowship of the Ring about the enemy’s agents seeming fair but feeling foul, while the good may look foul but feel fair. But where an understanding of Ingram’s true nature leads Toby to separate from him and his grandfather, a deeper understanding of Dym and his true character helps Tony to make the hard but right decision about his home and family. In both cases, repentance and returning bring about reconciliation and restoration, but Ingram is the one repenting in Red Lily, confessing and asking forgiveness of his brother. In Enemy Brothers, Tony is the one who comes back, finally seeking the brother who has sought him for so long. He doesn’t ask for forgiveness from his brother in words and indeed doesn’t need to because his actions speak so loudly of it, but is fully received with love and restored.

[halfpint55]

A Defence of Kataang with regards to how they are portrayed in TLoK (it’s long but there’s headcanons at the end)

Note: This is not about shipping wars. This is a safe zone. This is not about Zutara vs Kataang. This is me defending Kataang and the characters themselves...from the writers. 

I initially wrote this as a response to a post that got me heated. My reblog just made it too long so here it is as its own post. 

Now this post ripped apart Kataang as a couple but more than that said some stuff about Aang himself that hurt my heart. I didn’t really want to pick on this post but its condemning of Kataang was based almost entirely in what we know of them as parents in TLoK and honestly it’s that lil nugget of canon that I take issue with. It has bothered me from the get go because it doesn’t make sense from a writing and story perspective, and it’s been pissing me off since I watched it.

TL;DR nice and early bc this post is gonna be a long one:

This particular condemnation of Kataang rests almost entirely on the SHITTY way they were portrayed as parents by the writers of LoK, and in all honesty, on this particular topic, canon should be ignored.

Overall Kataang parenting is of my biggest gripes with LoK because in terms of writing it’s totally incongruous - it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t align, and it makes zero sense for what we know of those characters, and I don’t know if I can ever forgive the showrunners for allowing it to be written it into canon.

I will also preface this by saying I like LoK - love it. I had a scroll through the comments and reblogs on this post, and a lot of the hate towards this portrayal of Kataang ended up being blamed on the “terrible writing of LoK” which is not where I stand at all. That being said I am so angry at the writers for this one.

The other portion of the concurring comments that were very hateful towards Kataang came from Zutara shippers and honestly for me, although I do ship Kataang, this not a just a Kataang issue. I’m of the belief that Zutara would’ve just as easily been written to have similar issues due to very similar dynamics - Zutara also would have been two powerful benders from very different cultures, and with Zuko/Aang (whoever you ship w her) having a massively important global leadership role that is embedded in who they are, and therefore impossible to ignore as a factor in their relationship.

Now let me be clear, my desire to reject canon on this front is by no means me wanting to believe the best of my faves, and not wanting to hear a word against Aang. It’s not even necessarily a defence of Kataang bc I ship it that hard (I mean I do but I can set that aside for the sake of argument if that’s what you need from me here). 

The first, and main issue people have with Aang/Kataang in Korra, is the first point of the original post:

So why in hell would [Katara] be okay with Aang ignoring TWO of their children’s complete existence once he found out they had an airbending son?

And I agree with the post on this front; Katara would not have allowed her children to each be treated differently by their father. I had the same initial thought when watching LoK, and it’s the reason I hate and want to ignore the canon of LoK so badly. 

As much as it hurts to think of, we have to accept that Aang wouldn’t have been able to stop his preferential treatment for Tenzin from bleeding through into his parenting just out of a desperate desire to save his culture (which is absolutely understandable - doesn’t make it okay, but it’s understandable; Aang suffered an incredible loss, a massive cultural trauma which he alone carries the burden of). So of course he wasn’t able to hide how excited he was, and forgot to be mindful of his attitude and behaviour towards Kya and Bumi. So this aspect of canon Kataang? Yeah, I’m with it. So far so good. EXCEPT the most unrealistic element of canon is now that Katara would let him. I simply do not believe for a second that Katara would’ve allowed Aang to be the kind of parent LoK painted him to be.

However, I do not think it would’ve been a point of contention between the two of them! Katara would pull him aside, Katara would gently (but firmly) point out what Aang mightn’t be able to see for himself - he’s focusing too hard on Tenzin.

And Aang would listen.

All throughout A;tLA the two of them often help the other sort through their stuff. Aang has a great track record of being receptive to Katara’s advice and help (calming him down when discovering Monk Gyatso’s body, The Desert when he Appa is stolen, Serpent’s Pass when he’s bottling his feelings about Appa being missing). He’s also just so receptive to others’ ideas - he just goes with it and trusts in his friends (think of his trust in Katara’s plan to rescue Haru, his trust in staying behind with Sokka in the library to get the eclipse info). Aang’s humility is one of the most incredible things about him and it’s at the core of who he is. He would absolutely be able to hear Katara telling him he’s focusing too hard on one child - he would be open, and he’d listen.

So to me now canon just does not make sense at all. it does not align with their established character traits. And yes, people change as they get older and grow into adulthood but honestly, the elements of their respective personalities that we’re talking about here are pretty core elements of who these two people are.

Katara has always been fiercely protective of those she loves, strongwilled, stubborn, and ready to (vocally or physically) fight for what she believes is right and that wouldn’t disappear as she gets older. She wouldn’t let Aang’s preferrential treatment slide.

Aang has always been, and chose to be despite his loss, an optimistic, kind, believe in the best of humanity kind of person. He’s open to all points of view, he’s a good listener, he always tries his absolute best to find solutions that are good for everyone. And again his humility, his willingness to love, is who he is.  He believes all humans (including fkn OZAI) and all life are sacred, he believes in the absolute right to life. The kid is a vegetarian for crying out loud.

Now the parts of the take in the post that hurt my heart to read about what OP thinks of Aang:

“Aang never made an attempt to establish anything resembling a real familial unit with Katara, basically just stayed around until she popped out an Airbender [...] she was treated like some trophy wife to give birth to airbenders and that’s it!”

I wasn’t going to address this in this post until I read the comments in the notes, because people seem to agree. They share the sentiment that Katara was reduced to “just a love interest” by the two ending up together.

However I do very much take issue w the notion that Aang “basically just stayed around until she popped out an Airbender” (and honestly that entire paragraph - we don’t actually know that Aang didn’t make an effort to establish a family unit). As much as the LoK writers fucked up in their portrayal of Kataang as parents, this is a much harsher judgement of Aang’s character as a husband and father than anything implied by Aang and Katara’s children. I just don’t buy that Aang would view Katara (or anyone he married, even if you don’t ship Kataang) as a trophy wife, whose only role is to have airbender children. He never has viewed her that way - he has always looked at her like she’s the sun, and the most important person to him after she pulled him out of the iceburg. He loves her the most of anyone on the planet. It does not align with his character, his values or beliefs that he’d think of her (or any partner) that way. He is so besotted with Katara for who she is it HURT me to read that part of your take. Aang simply would never. Look at how he looks at her! 

What’s more is the unwavering respect and deference he shows Katara as his waterbending master - he recognises and loves her as the whole, complete, three dimensional, TALENTED POWERFUL INCREDIBLE WOMAN that she is. She is NEVER “just” a love interest for Aang. (But ALSO, do we respect Suki any less for being Sokka’s obvious love interest??? No. suki is written to be so badass that Sokka is HER love interest and I think Katara has equally badass energy but I digress).

Moving on!

OP made an excellent point that there would’ve been culturally different values between the two but I don’t think it would’ve been family that was the clashing point. Yes the airbenders value spirituality and enlightenment. But they lived together in massive communities! They supported and raised one another. Their community and culture was strong, and they were bonded in their spirituality! They value love, as well as enlightenment, peace, and the lives of all.

Now, again the points they made about the cultural divides within the Kataang family unit are valid, but also again I dislike how they chose to portray this in LoK. It would definitely be a struggle they faced as a couple. However I think they really missed an opportunity here with where they took it. Because they do at one point in the comics have Katara bring up the fact that their family will be a blend of two cultures, and she brings it up because Aang is trying so hard to bring balance back to the world by means of seperation.

They’ve known from the get go of being a couple that they’re going to have to navigate being a culturally blended family unit.

So I find it so shitty that they wrote it so that Kya got to learn the waterbending culture, Tenzin got Air and bumi got…nothing? It’s dangerously close to the way Disney does the “the girls are carbon copies of mum, and the boys are carbon copies of dad” thing (think Lady and the Tramp). It’s lazy. Especially when we had that “separation is an illusion” episode, AND things like Zuko learning different nation’s styles and applying them to his firebending, and Sokka learning an element of strategy or fighting from every nation. 

So give us Kya using Airbending moves with her waterbending (maybe she invents the water scooter)! Give us Tenzin doing more grounded moves that Aunty Toph (or Lin, while they were together) taught him from earthbending.

There are much more creative ways to illustrate the bumps and troubles Kataang might have run into in trying to navigate incorporating equal parts of their cultures in their children and family unit. Even just smaller scale issues like food and meals - how do they figure out how to do mealstimes with Aang’s vegetarianism with Katara’s culturally significant Water Tribe meat dishes? And then even taking into account how picky little kids can be!

Give me a scene where they literally just ate moon pies for a week because toddler Kya would scream if you put anything else down in front of her.

Maybe Bumi demanded sea prunes over and over but Katara and Bumi are the only ones who like them, and Bumi bonds with his mother this way - they go on little one-on-one outings to water tribe restaurants in Republic City, searching for the most authentic sea prunes!

Kya maybe likes the water tribe fashions the most because it helps her connect with her namesake BUT Kya also has a playful sense of humour - not unlike Monk Gyatso - Aang sees how much she loved moon pies and teaches her to throw them with waterbending.

We know Tenzin was a calm, quiet, and possibly shy child. Maybe he loved to hole himself away learning crafts. Give me Tenzin learning to tattoo, Tenzin learning to carve (and carving his first glider - it crashes of course), but also Tenzin learning to carve water tribe adornments and necklaces. Katara tries at first but when she gets busy Sokka comes in and teaches Tenzin to break all the carving rules Katara has laid down (”it doesn’t need to be perfect my little pupil - let the creativity flow!”)

Tenzin may not be able to waterbend but that doesn’t mean he can’t learn other means of healing. As the littlest he spent a lot of time watching Katara work - she teaches him to tie splints, dress wounds, and yes deliver babies.

If you made it here I love you so much for reading. I love sharing my thoughts so HIGH FIVE YOU MADE IT, ur now my friend - the friendship is non-refundable sorry 😌😌

[aratilightwood]

LGBTQ+ and TLH: regressive vs. progressive.

I thought Cassie clarified things by posting an insight into the LGBTQ+ community during the early 20th century.

And I wasn’t going to express my opinions, but people are still claiming TLH has, “too much queer representation.”

I’m sorry but this is going to be a rant.

...

Years ago, I wouldn’t have believed that compared to the early 21st century, the early 20th century was more accepting of the LGBTQ+ population. And in a lot of ways, it wasn’t. Given the general attitudes to the community, one can assume they had it worse during that era. I know what it was like. It was against the law. People were caught and forced to spend their life behind bars, undergo questionable treatments to cure themselves of what was perceived to be an ‘illness,’ or even be killed. They would’ve felt more obligated to hide who they were because of consequences that could’ve unfolded, had they been open about their sexuality. While it’s important to consider historical contexts of books, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking even Shadowhunters held the same values. But people fail to realise that not all did. It must be understood that the Nephilim never adhered to mundane laws, especially those on sexuality. They had their own beliefs and rules to follow. This can be said for both the 20th and 21st century.

Now I’m not going to run with the idea that, “it’s a fantasy series. Cassie can include as many LGBTQ+ characters as she wants.” Even though this is true, I believe there’s not much argument there. Instead, I’m going to compare the governance of Shadowhunters in TLH and TMI, as well as, how this effected their LGBTQ+ population differently. The reason behind my TMI references is because people are under the impression that as “Alec struggled with his sexuality in 2007, it’s unrealistic for Cassie to show people exploring theirs in 1903.” Therefore this must be addressed. I will also be discussing the regressive and progressive argument due to the confusion centred around it.

Some of these are iterations of what Cassie’s said. But I thought I could expand on her points.

...

The governance of Shadowhunters differed between the 21st and 20th century. While the Clave was still recuperating from Valentine’s uprising (1991) in 2007, it was thriving under the twenty-five years of peace after the Clockwork war (1878) in 1903. While the Clave was governed by an old circle member in 2007, it was under the rule of a younger and more open minded individual in 1903. There was more tension between Shadowhunters in 2007. The community was divided by those who supported Valentine, and those who didn’t. Whereas, there was more unity in 1903.

Ask yourselves this, if the Clave hadn’t fallen under Malachi’s rule after the uprising, would it have been better off? Possibly. Everyone wouldn’t have been on edge, afraid of living the life they wanted because they thought they’d be under constant scrutiny. Likewise, if Josiah Wayland hadn’t died and remained Consul in 1878, would the Clave have benefitted from this? Possibly not. He would’ve been stuck in his old ways, discrediting everything Charlotte stood for, as he did throughout TID.

It’s typical that people living through these eras, would’ve held similar values to their leaders. Malachi favoured tradition and the preservation of old teachings, but Charlotte encouraged reformation and incorporated new laws. In other words, his time as Consul was a step back for Shadowhunter society, while hers was a step foreword despite taking place a century earlier.

And it’s these opposing governances that have shaped the general attitudes towards the LGBTQ+ community. You can gather why one era in time for Shadowhunters might’ve been more indifferent, if not accepting, compared to the other.

It’s not wrong for Cassie to have more LGBTQ+ representation in TLH compared to TMI, purely on the basis of what society was like for mundanes. This doesn’t necessarily dictate that some Shadowhunters should be less open about their sexuality, as apposed to others, simply because they lived in different eras. We must consider the individual circumstances of each character.

TMI

(1) Alec was born into a conservative family with the burden of being the first child, and the desire to please his parents. His parents were ex-circle members, who were under the microscope of the Clave because of their association with Valentine. These factors arguably contributed to his internalised homophobia.

(2) Aline realised she was a lesbian early in the series, although she was only open about it through the encouragement of Alec. She was apprehensive because of the position her parents held in the Clave, with her mother being Consul and her father’s disappointment because no one could carry the Penhallow bloodline.

(3) When Diana began transitioning into a woman after her sister died in Bangkok, she had to be secretive about it. Shadowhunters were discouraged from undergoing mundane medical procedures, especially those that changed someone’s gender. She took her sister’s identity when she returned to Idris, and was only open about her transition after Alec became Consul in 2012.

(4) Both Helen and Mark might’ve been two of the few Shadowhunters who were open about their sexuality, because the Blackthorns didn’t hold such prejudices. Their parents were accepting and encouraged them to date whoever they wanted, while their siblings welcomed Aline into the family.

TLH

(1) Alastair isn’t open about his sexuality to his family or friends. His claim that he wouldn’t marry a woman and cheat her out of the love, is evidence that he’s accepted himself. But his relationship with Charles was very secretive because he was afraid of the heteronormativity of society.

(2) As much as we’d like to think Charles will be accepted if society finds out about his sexuality, it still hinders the chances of him becoming Consul. His immediate family would most likely have no complaints, but the Clave is too ‘backward thinking’ to live under the rule of a gay leader. It’s because of this, he feels that he can only achieve his goals by marrying an influential woman.

(3) Despite belonging to an understanding family, Thomas has been introverted, shy and closeted for most of his life. While his reason for being less open about his sexuality is similar to Alastair’s, he also mentions that he would rather have one romantic partner instead of several flings. Up until the end of CHOG, he believed this person was Alastair.

(4) Even though people claim Matthew has a bad reputation, it isn’t clear whether or not society is aware of his sexuality. But his close friends are e.g. James who mentions finding him in bed with men and women, as well as, Anna who accompanies him to secret societies. However, there’s no indication that his family knows.

(5) Being a woman of colour who is adopted into a British family that holds high positions in the Clave, you can understand why Ariadne has never felt comfortable about her sexuality. Her circumstances are similar to Charles’, but while his actions are influenced by the drive to be a good leader, hers are shaped by the appeasement and acceptance from society.

(6) Anna is perhaps the only one who is completely open about her sexuality to friends, family and society. This is clear in her choosing to have a bohemian lifestyle by not conforming to gender norms, and freely dating girls. It’s because of this, others are discouraged from socialising with her. But people often forget that throughout EET, she was dressing in her brother’s clothes, sneaking out at night and wary about what her parents thought. Her story hasn’t been easy.

If we think about it, there’s only a slight difference in the number of LGBTQ+ characters in TMI and TLH. What can be concluded from this is, no matter how much or less representation there is, Cassie’s done right by showing those who were open about their sexuality and those who weren’t. As much as people like to complain about it, both existed regardless of the context. Therefore, it’s wrong to exclude one or the other.

Finally, not everything is black and white. Not all Shadowhunters were generally progressive in the early 21st century, but it’s a sweeping statement to make by saying all of them should be regressive in the early 20th century because of the situation in the mundane world. It’s true that various attitudes and norms are shared between Nephilim and humans, but progressiveness and regressiveness isn’t always dependant on dates in history, especially if what’s happening in mundane society isn’t reflective of what’s happening among Shadowhunters.

...

I haven’t mentioned any LGBTQ+ Downworlders, because people have mainly been concerned about representation among Shadowhunters. Also, please correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Cassie has only explored Downworlders that are generally open about their sexuality.

If anyone’s wondering which post of hers I’ve been referring to, it’s this one.

[sneverussape]

gryffindor vs slytherin house heads

i’ve often thought that mcgonagall and snape had very different styles in how they dealt with their students. both are quite foreboding heads, unlike flitwick and spout, who have often given off an affable air (based on harry’s pov), but i think the way they handled the kids under them, particularly errant ones or the ones needing special attention, are very very different. now i don’t hate minerva, but she and dumbledore have always struck me as being of the same stock. they have a degree of warmth to them but they can also easily turn cold and cutting. they also keep their students at arms’ length and often turn a blind eye or are too lenient with them when they do something stupid, life-threatening even (dumbledore with the marauders and mcgonagall with the golden trio). given the nature of their house you would think the head SHOULD be more proactive and not sit back and let them all get into trouble as they are wont to do. but that’s what mcgonagall often does as head (and dumbledore too, as headmaster with a favoritism for the gryffindors), although i really can’t fault her for it (i also wouldn’t want to constantly be on every teenagers’ case in anticipation of their tripping up or whatever -- imagine having the twins, neville, the trio, etc under one roof, oh my god). gryffindor house’s support system comes from their peers, not exactly their house head who would much rather keep out of the way until she has to rescue them when they’re inches away from death and dismemberment. in fact she’s almost an absent figure, because gryffindors are confident enough to strike their own way and carve their own paths, and they also have that ‘golden’ reputation so people are less likely to leave them alone and not make a fuss. slytherin house, however, i think is the opposite. because they’re portrayed in such a bad light and because of the natural inclinations of their house (loyalty to each other, etc), they would gravitate towards their house head as a father/leader figure and as someone who would protect them. i think snape really did evoke this type of feeling and although he was a cold bastard, his slytherins would have felt that out of any other adult in the castle, they _could_ count on him. he would never lie to them or treat them like children but would give them cold, hard facts that would be for their betterment, and they would appreciate it despite the delivery being less than warm. if this type of treatment was given to a gryffindor, and as we’ve seen with harry and the others on how they react, they would take it badly because it’s just not their style, but snape _knows_ slytherins and unlike mcgonagall he _has_ to work twice as hard to get them to follow the right path because of their context and the pureblood circles they’re in. his kids are already doomed from the start being in slytherin and he knows it. he proves it several times with how he treats draco. whether or not lucius was a close friend of his, you could see how much he did actually care for draco’s well-being and works hard to get him out of the mire he finds himself in. if he was willing to save lily’s son he was certainly _not_ going to let one of his own fall through the cracks, especially since he would have known them since they were eleven years old, more than he would have known harry. the stakes may have been high in saving harry, but saving his slytherins would have been equally important too. another thought: i also think slytherins would have actually cared about snape’s opinion or how he would have reacted to them doing certain things, unlike harry and co who were just bumbling along. slytherins seek and respect the authority they choose, and this is severus. gryffindors seem to have no respect for authority, and this is also why mcgonagall is seen as so lax and aloof. this, i think is another marked difference between the two.

[rhysand-vs-fenrys]

Could you do a thing about who The Untamed characters are? Your weekly posts and such are good, but I was wondering what their context is?

-Sure!! I’ll put it under a “Keep Reading” so it doesn’t flood anyone’s dash :)

**I usually reblog Untamed asks to my Untamed fandom page as well, so this note is for followers of Wuxian-vs-Wangji:: I’m avoiding spoilers in these descriptions and trying to simplify things into a format non-viewers can follow, so please do not comment with spoilers.

I also limited the list of characters to those in 10+ episodes, which left some fan favorites off the list.

Main & Major Characters Throughout the Story::

Wei Wuxian // Wei Ying (Informal Name) // Yiling Patriarch (The Sage of the Burial Mounds)

Think... Battlemage Necromancer.

Uses the dark flute Chenqing to draw out and command the hate and resentful energy of the dead, weaponizing it against his enemies.

Adopted by the Yunmeng-Jiang Clan Leader after his mother (a rogue cultivator) and father (a beloved Jiang servant) were killed in a monster hunt.

Considered by Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng to be no different from a blood sibling.

Killed on the Cliffs of Heavenly Nightless by his brother Jiang Cheng while committing suicide in the first 5 minutes of the show; Resurrected via a rare and dangerous spell by madman Mo Xuanyu 16 years later.

In the Present Arc, Wei Wuxian dons a mask so others will not recognize him (laughably the mask fools absolutely no one but he Commits to the Look) and pretends to be the insane outcast Mo Xuanyu.

Lan Wangji // Lan Zhan (Informal Name) //  Hanguang-Jun (The Light-Bearing Lord)

As younger brother to the so-far childless Clan Leader of the Gusu-Lan, he is the Clan Heir and commands a position of high power and respect worldwide.

As he and his older brother are seen as the pride and joy of the Lan Clan, they are referred to worldwide as “The Twin Jades of Lan”.

Considered a paragon of righteousness and virtue.

Joyless, friendless, and isolated from others at the start of the story, but develops first a begrudging respect for- then love for- Wei Wuxian.

For 16 years he refuses to accept that Wei Wuxian is dead since no body was recovered. Lan Wangji travels the world and throws himself headfirst at chaos both to protect the common people and in hopes that Wei Wuxian will appear.

In the present-arc, acts as a teacher and guide to the Junior Disciples of the Gusu-Lan.

Particularly skilled in a Lan musical technique called “Inquiry”, in which a guqin (zither) player mixes spiritual energy into a song and plays notes as a coded language to commune with the souls of the dead and ask them questions. Lan Wangji also develops a proficiency for an extremely rare and difficult form of guqin magic where he can literally attack people with the sound and power of the instrument.

Wei Wuxian’s own use of music to control others seems to have been heavily inspired by the Lan magics, though theirs are mainly in the vein of healing and suppressing darkness.

Jiang Wanyin // Jiang Cheng (Informal Name) // Yunmeng-Jiang Clan Leader // Sandu-Shengshou (Master of Three Poisons)

Most commonly referred to only by the informal name “Jiang Cheng”

Beloved brother- and eventually bitter enemy of- Wei Wuxian.

One of those fancy multi-purpose tools in human form (the Tooliest of Tools)

Thanks to his parents, has a massive inferiority complex that usually leads to violent outbursts against his adopted brother.

Like Lan Wangji, cannot accept that Wei Wuxian is dead as only charred bones were found where he fell. Spends 16 years hunting down any whisper of Wei Wuxian or demonic cultivation and executing any demonic cultivators he finds. 

Feels both extreme hatred and guilt towards Wei Wuxian.

Wears a purple snake bracelet-and-ring combo on one hand, the spiritual tool Zidian given to him by his mother. Zidian takes the form of a whip that strikes not only the flesh, but the soul of a person. It can instantly destroy any spirit possessing a body.

Wen Qionglin // Wen Ning (Informal Name) // The Ghost General

Almost exclusively referred to by the informal name Wen Ning.

Considered to be a weapon- or pet- of Wei Wuxian’s.

A young cultivator who Wei Wuxian resurrected from the dead and who acted as his subordinate during the rise of the Yiling Patriarch.

Fiercely loyal to Wei Wuxian in both life and death.

Black veins and eyes mark him as one of the ultra-rare Living Dead. Not a mindless zombie slave (Ghost-Puppet), but a fully conscious reanimated human capable of independent thought and action.

In battle, Wei Wuxian will use his flute Chenqing to focus resentment and hatred through Wen Ning and give him enhanced abilities, control his actions, or calm him.

Other Figures: Both Past and Present Arcs

Lan Xichen // Lan Huan (Informal Name) //  Zewu-Jun (The Grand Overgrowth Lord)

Clan Leader of the Gusu-Lan and elder brother of Lan Wangji.

Though he is Clan Leader, often deferrs to or is advised by his Uncle Lan Qiren (who HATES Wei Wuxian).

As he and his younger brother are seen as the pride and joy of the Lan Clan, they are referred to worldwide as “The Twin Jades of Lan”.

The most respected Clan Leader in the world for his kind and fair nature. Often acts as an arbitrator in disputes.

Uses a white jade flute to calm and settle angry or resentful energy around him. Wei Wuxian is his dark reflection.

Willing to give anyone a chance due to his pacifist nature. Does not feel hatred towards Wei Wuxian but rather tries to understand what drove him towards darkness and help guide him back.

Ships Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji relentlessly and often finds ways to push them together early on.

Nie Huaisang (No formal/informal name) // Nie Clan Heir // Nie Clan Leader

Half-brother of the Nie Clan Leader Nie Mingjue, later becomes Clan Leader in his place.

Despite being first heir to- then leader of- a Clan that prides itself on brute strength, Nie Huaisang is a kind and gentle soul who prefers the arts and artistic pursuits.

Religiously carries around a fan and never holds a sword.

Sweetheart, goober, and close friend of Wei Wuxian. Even in Wei Wuxian’s fall from grace, never bears him any ill will as Wei Wuxian never does anything to harm him. 

The only major (still living) character not at the Battle of Nightless where Wei Wuxian dies (though his brother Nie Mingjue was present).

Informally titled “The Head Shaker” as Clan Leader due to his indecisive nature. Whenever asked questions he frequently shakes his head and says “I don’t know”.

Considered a weak fool by many, but he is frequently advised (and coddled) by Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao.

Jin Guangyao // Meng Yao (Informal Name) // Lianfang-Zun (Hidden-Fragrance Master)

Originally a servant of the Nie family, taken in by Nie Mingjue.

Bastard son of the Jin Clan Leader Guangshan and a prostitute, is consistently demeaned and debased for his parentage. The only ones who show him respect and kindness are Nie Mingjue, Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen.

Half brother of Jin Zixuan and Mo Xuanyu (the madman who resurrects Wei Wuxian)

While a servant of the Nie Clan, Guangyao frequently acts as a buffer between ultra-masculine Nie Mingjue and his softer half-brother Nie Huaisang.

Nie Huaisang may be thought a dumbass by most, but he’s *Guangyao’s* dumbass, and thus Guangyao consistently shows care towards Nie Huaisang.

Other High-Profile Characters:: Both Past and Present Arcs (Noted by their names)

**Some will say I’ve left names off this list, but to avoid getting into EVERYTHING  everyone does, I’m limiting this to characters in 10+ episodes. This leaves some fandom favorites off the list but this is only meant to be a basic introductory guide. 

Sorry to fans of Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan, A-Qing, and Wen Yuan.

(Past Arc) Wen Qing (women do not have formal vs informal names or titles)

Wen Ning’s beloved elder sister.

Distant cousin to the evil Wen Ruohan and Wen Chao, and thus holds a prominent position within the Wen Clan. In the novels I believe she is said to be the 4th most powerful person in the entire Wen Clan (Behind Wen Ruohan and his two sons).

Considered to be the greatest physician ever produced by the Dafan-Wen, a clan of healers subjugated by the evil Wen Clan.

Her loyalties lie exclusively with her little brother Wen Ning, and she will do anything to keep him safe and protected. On her own though, she does tend towards the side of good and acts against her Clan when she is able to do so without putting Wen Ning at risk.

(Past Arc) Jiang Yanli (women do not have formal vs informal names or titles)

Beloved elder sister of both Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian.

Eldest daughter of Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu.

Eventual wife of Jin Clan Heir Jin Zixuan and mother of Jin Clan Heir Jin Ling.

Engaged to Jin Zixuan since infancy, though he is initially dismissive of and even cold towards her.

The Peacekeeper of her family, Jiang Yanli protects Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng from her emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive mother.

Acts as a mediator of disputes between her two younger brothers. Jiang Yanli is very much the glue that binds the family together.

(Past Arc) Jin Zixuan (No other name given) // Jin Clan Heir

Only *acknowledged* child of Jin Clan Leader Jin Guangshan, though he is the half-brother to a large number of bastard siblings.

These siblings include Nie servant Jin Guangyao/Meng Yao and Mo Xuanyu (the madman who resurrects Wei Wuxian)

Eventual husband of Jiang Yanli and father of Jin Clan Heir Jin Ling.

Originally a haughty and arrogant young lord, he is dismissive of his lifelong fiancee Jiang Yanli and frequently disparages her (leading to violent fights with her brothers).

Is very much disliked by both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng (for his treatment of Yanli).

A semi-professional dumbass, maturity comes to him slower than most.

(Present Arc) Jin Rulan // Jin Ling (Informal name) // Jin Clan Heir

One of the so-called “Junior Squad”, a handful of Junior Disciples from different Clans who band together to fight the bad guys (Ancient Fantasy China Power Rangers).

The only child of Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan.

In episode 2 it is revealed that Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan died tragically just after his birth.

Largely raised by his uncle Jiang Cheng with some input from uncle Jin Guangyao. As uncle Jiang Cheng has the emotional stability of a spoon, Jin Ling tends to be rash, arrogant, and rude. He is kept isolated from other youths of his age and thus has no friends.

Accompanied everywhere by his dog Fairy, a spiritual beast (more powerful than a normal dog).

Also a nephew of Wei Wuxian, though Jin Ling was a newborn when Wei Wuxian died and thus has no relationship with him.

(Present Arc) Lan Sizhui // Lan Yuan (Informal name)

One of the so-called “Junior Squad”, a handful of Junior Disciples from different Clans who band together to fight the bad guys (Ancient Fantasy China Power Rangers).

As Lan Wangji’s chief student, Lan Sizhui is heavily favored by the normally cold and detached Wangji. He is therefore the de-facto leader of the Lan Junior Disciples.

Sizhui is warm, kind, and caring. He never speaks ill of others and even tries to be kind to Jin Ling while the other junior disciples (including Lan ones) generally scorn the other boy.

Regardless of if he is posing as Mo Xuanyu or after he is “outed” as Wei Wuxian, Lan Sizhui is always very respectful and kind towards Wei Wuxian. He considers him a wise senior and feels at ease when Wei Wuxian is nearby.

(Present Arc) Lan Jingyi (No other name given)

One of the so-called “Junior Squad”, a handful of Junior Disciples from different Clans who band together to fight the bad guys (Ancient Fantasy China Power Rangers).

If Lan Sizhui is the de-facto leader of the Lan Junior Disciples, Jingyi is Sizhui’s second. The two are best friends and are almost never seen out of one another’s company.

Snarky, sarcastic, and big-mouthed, Lan Jingyi is the “Wei Wuxian” of the Junior Squad. He has yet to meet a cultivator he isn’t willing to talk back to, be that “Mo Xuanyu” (Wei Wuxian) or even Jiang Clan Leader Jiang Cheng.

Lan Jingyi is also highly intelligent and is the first to question if “Mo Xuanyu” is truly insane or just someone pretending to be so. He makes other accusations throughout the story that at the time see unfounded but are later proven correct.

Mortal enemy of Jin Ling (if by ‘mortal enemy’ you mean bitchy and reluctant friend)

(Past Arc) Nie Mingjue (No other name given) // Nie Clan Leader // Chifeng-Zun (Scarlet-Blade Lord)

Clan Leader of the Nie Clan in the “Past Arc”.

Elder half-brother of Nie Huaisang.

Nie Mingjue is hard on his half-brother, as the Nie are renown for their warrior skills and Huaisang is more of a lover than a fighter.

Nie Mingjue is close friends with Lan Xichen, and often visits him for guidance. Lan Xichen is his closest friend and confidant throughout the story.

Nie Mingjue is a powerful and ruthless cultivator (against his enemies, he’s no sociopath) and often loses his temper. 

He is closely bonded with his broadsword Baxia, and she often moves on her own if he is particularly enraged.

(Past and Present Arcs) Xue Chengmei // Xue Yang (Informal name)

Most commonly referred to simply as “Xue Yang”- his formal name may not be in the show at all.

A low-level thug taken in by the evil Wen Clan and used as a sort of private hit-man.

Xue Yang is brutal, ruthless, and merciless against anyone he crosses paths with. Holds particular disdain for powerful and righteous clans, as he was maimed by a low-level Clan Leader.

Is missing his pinky finger because of an “accident” he suffered as a child and thus wears a glove on one hand.

Initially Xue Yang is introduced as a “guest disciple” of the Wen Clan, but later he branches out on his own.

(Past Arc) Luo Qingyang // Mian-Mian (nickname)

Though it is not customary for a woman to have courtesy vs informal names, Luo Qingyang is almost exclusively referred to by the nickname “Mian-Mian” throughout the series.

A guest disciple of the Jin Clan and direct subordinate of Jin Zixuan.

Mian-Mian originally is shown to be haughty and fiercely loyal to Jin Zixuan, though she often finds ways to assist Jiang Yanli get closer to him throughout his Dumbass Phase.

Mian-Mian is a tough and outspoken female cultivator, sometimes even standing at odds with her own clan.

(Past Arc) Wen Chao (No other name given)

The vicious, cruel second son of villain Wen Ruohan.

Distant cousin of Wen Qing and Wen Ning. He frequently takes Wen Ning as a sort of hostage to guarantee Wen Qing’s compliance with his demands.

Wen Chao is arrogant and haughty. He considers himself superior to all other disciples because of his clan. 

He is the main antagonist of Wei Wuxian in the “past” arc, and considers it part of his duty to destroy Wei Wuxian and the Jiang Clan for their refusal to bow to his family.

Frequently appears together with his mistress Wang Lingjiao (a wife is mentioned but never shown) tormenting or directly torturing younger cultivators.

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 1.5.3 “Money Deposited With Lafitte”

We establish Valjean’s solitary nature here. And okay, so I just rewatched the first two Mad Max movies with my best friend because she’s never seen them, and really Valjean and Max Rockatansky have a lot in common. Lonely, solitary guy with a backstory that’s a mystery to others but not to the viewer, who is also very skilled at many things, waltzes into a town, saves it from various crises while not talking much and being pretty socially awkward despite his charisma, and then leaves never to be seen again. Someone write an AU. Okay, moving on.

“He talked with very few. He shrank from compliments and with a touch of the hat would walk on rapidly; he smiled to avoid talking and gave to avoid smiling.” God my favorite thing about Valjean is just how awkward he is, despite also being unknowingly charismatic. He’s fantastic at fooling people simply because he’s so kind, and from that they choose what they want to see, but really he’s just so awkward. He doesn’t want to talk to people or do much socializing, which I think is another reason for his avoidance of upper class society affairs. Not only is he not interested because he’s not interested in advancing himself up the social ladder, he’s also not interested because it would mean he’d have to talk to people.

Valjean’s library is “well chosen,” and I’m wondering what books that would mean. Surely the bible, but what else? I assume he learned what the Right Books were by listening to conversation or looking at what was on other people’s shelves (perhaps during his Benevolent Break-Ins?) or something. His language starts to become more polished, too, as he educates himself through literature as well as (I presume) through his brief social interactions. The people seem to notice it but also don’t seem to think much of it? This doesn’t seem to factor into the rumors about him as much as his solitary nature does.

Valjean’s aim with a gun is frighteningly accurate (Where did he learn to shoot a gun? Would that have been another skill from his time as a pruner?) but he never kills inoffensive animals/small birds. I think this is the only other time we see Valjean with a gun aside from when he’s at the barricade. This description feels weirdly dark; I think it’s the word “frightening” (in Hapgood the word is “terror”). This skill with a gun seems like a hint not of his laborer past but of his past at Toulon, the potential he had prior to Myriel of becoming “the worst man.” Now he only uses it on threatening animals, but his aim itself is a threat. (Which is an interesting thing to establish only to have him definitely Not Use It on the barricade.)

“He would offer a hand to anyone needing it, help a fallen horse, push a mired wagon, or grab a rampaging bull by the horns.” What a parallel here. In Tome 3 we had Fantine as a horse that falls. In the coming chapters were have a broken wagon. I’m not sure if the “rampaging bull” would be Javert or perhaps Thenardier or something else? I would assume Javert, since his goodness essentially stops Javert mid-”rampage.” This is also an example of Valjean throwing himself in front of more dangerous things to help others, potentially heedless of his own wellbeing.

“If we took a little time, the nettle would be useful; we neglect it, and it becomes harmful. Then we kill it. Men are so like the nettle!” This line reminds me of all the parallels I was getting to modern day back in Tome 2. It’s just something that’s still so prevalent today. Someone grows up in a way that’s considered “bad” and instead of figuring out how best to help and communicate and nurture that person into something that is not “bad,” we just toss them away and neglect and ignore them and then when they adapt to that treatment in a certain way that we again consider “bad,” we either lock them up or force them out onto the streets. (Sorry, I’m mad at how relevant a 150 year old book is. A local homeless man was murdered by a housed person at a camp last week for no reason and the treatment of people living at homeless camps around my city has been so awful recently.)

“My friends, remember this: There are no bad herbs, and no bad men; there are only bad cultivators.” This one is so interesting because it sort of sets Valjean up for future failure. A cultivator (whether it’s a person or a machine) is someone who prepares land for use. Montreuil-sur-Mer itself is this land, and yet Valjean neglects certain parts of it. He makes this comment about the nettle, about finding a use for it if you only take a little time, and yet he gives up on and/or just sort of ignores the sex workers (and any other adjacent community) that are pretty much guaranteed to exist due to it being a garrisoned town. Valjean I love you but I have Concerns about your weird moral hoops that people have to jump through. I’m sure there are women who work at the factory and also as sex workers, who are hiding their second job and hoping no one finds out. But what about the women who are already known sex workers, who (I assume) don’t even have a chance? Valjean gives hospital beds, universal healthcare, a place for old and infirm laborers to stay, an “infant school/place of refuge” (I still don’t quite know what that is), but he doesn’t put any sort of aid in place for women who are already “fallen” or “morally indigent” etc. There are no bad herbs or men, only bad cultivators, but what happens if you’re great at cultivating three quarters of your field, but you decide not to bother to work the land of that last quarter? Anything you plant there will die, and you’ll yield fewer crops. It seems like a weird oversight on Valjean’s part to do good for most of the city and townspeople except for these women. There’s clearly a divide between the “honest” working women and the sex workers; we see it clearly later on with Fantine. So it’s not as if it’s a hidden secret. But for Valjean to enforce these specific moral standards without giving those suffering the most a way to achieve them and the support to do so, it’s just bad practice. @everyonewasabird mentioned that maybe it’s because he never really knew any women, so he doesn’t really know how drastically different life is for women and how different it is to “be an honest woman” vs an “honest man,” or how difficult it is to get there if you’re already trapped in sex work, but if he’s fairly aware of the goings-on in most of the town, you’d think he’d realize there was a divide and that people on one side were suffering while people on the other were not.

Oh my god I thought this post was going to be short but apparently I have Opinions.

“With his eyes raised to heaven, he listened with a sort of longing toward all the mysteries of the infinite, to the sad voices that sing on the brink of death’s dark abyss.” Ah, Valjean and his many deaths. Valjean listens to the “sad voices," but he never (or almost never? I can’t remember) actually talks to or “listens to” god. He never assumes that god is specifically listening or speaking to him, it seems.

Valjean breaking into houses to place money on the table is the exact reverse of his stealing the silver from Myriel. But it also goes hand in hand with his “can’t take compliments” nature; it would probably be really hard for him to stand there and listen to people thanking him for his generosity. But I think it’s also something from when he was poor himself. It’s an understanding of the shame and humiliation that comes with having to ask for money or for charity. Valjean breaking into people’s houses to not-so-secretly place money on their table circumvents that entirely. He avoids having to take a compliment and the people of Montreuil-sur-Mer get to avoid feeling awkward or shameful at asking for money.

A brief refocusing on the candlesticks here. Just a reminder for the audience about where all of this goodness comes from, but also a little example of the way Valjean himself displays the candlesticks as a reminder. I’m not sure what would make them “unusual” to the townspeople though? Surely everyone had candlesticks?

We also get a taste of the nature of rumors in Montreuil-sur-Mer. A rumor occurs, and despite multiple people being able to dispel the rumor, it persists and grows. But Valjean has a reputation and a status to back him up despite the darkness of some of the rumors. Fantine never has that. The rumors about her only serve to push her further down. He’s a savior and she’s a scapegoat. Again they are parallels of each other, moving in opposite directions.

[crystaljins]

Take a chance. | 07 FINAL

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 14.1K

Synopsis:   You should have known the second your business partner asked you to plan his best friend’s wedding as a favour that it was going to be nothing but trouble. Especially when it turns out he’s in love with said best friend. And dying of a deadly disease because of it.

Hanahaki!au

Notes: Finales. Don’t we love them? It’s been a long journey with these two and hopefully this finishes on a note that we all feel is enough <3 Thank you guys for all the love and support you’ve shown me. I’ve been going through a really difficult and busy period of my life these past few months and I’m so grateful that you guys have loved and supported this story so much. I actually think it’s one of my most popular fics to date, and it’s definitely my biggest one. I’m so sad to see these guys go, but hopefully we can see them off with a smile 

Till next time, my lovelies <3

@trumpettay​ @usuallyunlikelyfox​ @aureumjeon

Warnings: Angst. Graphic depictions of vomiting. Mentions of illness and death. Kissing.

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

A thin crease forms between Namjoon’s brows as he peers at the bloodwork in front of him. Jungkook nervously twiddles his fingers as the silence between them grows. Namjoon had demanded Jungkook get a blood test when he’d turned up for his first appointment in three whole weeks that morning, and yet now he’s silent now that he has the results. Jungkook becomes vaguely aware of a persistent tapping noise and slowly realises that it’s Namjoon, nervously bouncing his leg up and down.

“I don’t understand.” Namjoon finally says. “Your condition should have declined. Look at this.” He waves the paper displaying the blood results at Jungkook “See this number? That indicates the severity of your disease, and these were your levels when you first started coming for treatment. They’re so outside of the normal range that I was considering writing a case study on you for my next conference. But then look at this number.” He flips the page and points to another, much lower number, sitting only slightly outside the numbers declaring the normal levels for a healthy person beside it. “And these are your levels now. Despite not getting treatment for three weeks, not taking a single one of the medications I prescribed you and making my sister sick!”

Ah, so that explains Namjoon’s agitation. He’s mad because of you. Jungkook winces and stares awkwardly down at where his hands rest in his lap.

“I can go to a different doctor, if that would make you feel more comfortable.” Jungkook mumbles pathetically. Namjoon stares at Jungkook and his gaze is hard and unforgiving. The silence stretches out once more, before Namjoon sighs and his expression softens.

“There’s no need for that.” He finally says. “It would be hypocritical of me to tell people not to blame themselves for feelings they can’t control and then blame you for what is happening to her. But on any note, this is fantastic news and I shouldn’t be mad. I’m sorry.”

Jungkook blinks and straightens a little, finally raising his gaze to look at Namjoon. Namjoon offers a smile.

“You’re improving without intervention, Jungkook.” Namjoon tells him warmly. “I don’t know how or why, but you may even recover completely, at this rate.”

It takes Jungkook a moment to understand what Namjoon is saying, but when he does, hope springs into his chest. But then he slumps back down defeatedly.

“I thought the only way I could be cured is by hypnotherapy. That’s what all the other doctors told me.” He responds dully. He stares down at his hands- thanks to his illness, his circulation is always poor, and the tips of his fingers are always tinged a little bluish as a result. Today, oddly, they look a little pinker, a little healthier. And his skin doesn’t seem to have that awful translucent sheen that he’s always worried is a dead giveaway that he’s very, very sick. Namjoon nods, straightening out the papers with Jungkook’s blood results printed on them and laying them beside the keyboard resting on his desk.

“That’s the case in 95% of cases like yours.” Namjoon agrees. “With levels as high as yours were, and symptoms as severe, most doctors would recommend hypnotherapy. But it’s not the only way- there are plenty of things which proven to be just as effective as hypnotherapy. They just take much longer. I firmly believe that hypnotherapy should only be used as a last resort in emergency cases where the patient’s life is immediately at risk. Although, there is a lot of contention over this matter in the medical community. In my personal opinion and experience, though, the consequence of forgetting things from hypnotherapy is a huge deterrent for treatment and we lose far more patients than we should because they’re afraid of that outcome. Just like with you.”

“Then why do doctors suggest it at all?” Jungkook asks, feeling a little victimised. “I might have done things differently if I’d had another choice.”

“Would you have, though?” Namjoon asks, delicately arching and eyebrow. “Because even I was considering suggesting hypnotherapy to you. Your symptoms were so severe when you first came here that I had estimated that without any intervention you probably only had a month left in you. And don’t forget that my sister had to blackmail you into coming, even just for conservative treatment. You didn’t want to get better, Jungkook.”

Jungkook falls silent at Namjoon’s words, because they’re true. He didn’t want to get better. At least, in the past he didn’t, not really. Now, though… Your face flashes through his mind and his heart aches. Suddenly he wants to get better more than ever, and as quickly as possible.

“Though, I understand what you’re saying.” Namjoon continues. “But those doctors weren’t wrong in what they suggested. Imagine you’re a doctor, for a second, and a patient who is bleeding out through a wound in their arm comes to you. You could, in theory, wrap the wound with a compression bandage and hope that it clots before the patient bleeds out, because eventually (assuming the patient doesn’t die in the meantime), that would happen. Or, you could do surgery, instantly fix the problem and remove the risk that the patient bleeds out entirely. Which would you choose?”

“Surgery, I suppose.” Jungkook answers, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. Namjoon nods.

“It’s the same with the counselling and therapy method vs hypnotherapy debate. A doctor can risk you dying in the hopes that you eventually get over those feelings, which would eventually happen if you don’t die in the process. Or they can suggest hypnotherapy and remove the risk of death entirely.” Namjoon finishes explaining. “This is all redundant with your case, though, because it is the strangest presentation I have ever seen in my career.”

Jungkook feel strangely flustered at Namjoon’s declaration and ducks his head awkwardly. Namjoon tilts his head curiously as he examines Jungkook over the rim of his glasses.

“What happened in those three weeks, Jungkook?” Namjoon asks. “You’re not obligated to tell me, but to rock up after a prolonged absence and be almost cured is baffling and I’d love to hear the reason for it. Especially after what happened to my sister.”

Jungkook presses his lips together as he contemplates the answer to Namjoon’s question. What had happened? You’d gotten sick- he’d locked himself away for two weeks in response and despair. And then Seri had convinced him to finally tell everyone the truth and he’d been rejected. It had been hell and yet at the end of it all you had rocked up to his apartment with a kind heart and warm dinner and now it all feels like a distant nightmare that happened to someone else.

“I got rejected. By Minah.” Is the simple recount Jungkook gives. Namjoon’s jaw drops.

“And you’re alive? After confessing to her?” Namjoon asks incredulously. Jungkook nods.

“Kind of. Seri convinced me to tell Taehyung and Minah about my illness.” He explains. “She told me the best thing to do was come clean and then I’d feel much better.”

Namjoon gapes incredulously for one moment longer before shaking his head in disbelief.

“I mean, I can’t say I’d have suggested the same thing given the risks involved, but I guess she doesn’t have a medical licence that can get suspended.” He sighs. He glances up at Jungkook. “We generally don’t recommend patients confess their feelings without the assistance and support of their doctor because it’s a high-risk action to take.” Namjoon admits. “But good on you for being brave. I just don’t understand how getting rejected could lead to an improvement, unless…” He trails away, and his gaze drops to a photo frame on his desk. It faces away from Jungkook, but he’s seen it before- it’s a photo of you, Namjoon and your mother, posing for a picture together. “Have you… have you spoken to (Y/N) at all?” Namjoon asks curiously. Something about the tone of Namjoon’s voice makes Jungkook’s cheeks feel hot and he quickly averts his gaze.

“Yeah. She made me dinner, the other night.” He admits with an awkward cough. He hadn’t planned on bringing up the dinner to Namjoon, or any of the resulting revelations that followed, considering Namjoon would probably not approve of such selfish and inappropriate thoughts towards his beloved younger sister. However, Namjoon doesn’t react with anger, like Jungkook had supposed he might. Instead his dimples make a surprise appearance as Namjoon holds back a sudden smile.

“I see.” Is the simple answer he offers, before glancing at the clock. “Well, we’re out of time here. Make sure to keep taking the meds I prescribed you because your blood results aren’t back to normal, yet which means you’re not quite in the clear. And I have homework for you, before the next session- completely optional and unrelated to your recovery, though.”

Jungkook gets to his feet and grabs his hoodie which is slung over the back of his chair as he awaits Namjoon’s homework.

“My sister helped you, when you were sick. She did that whole ‘help-you-get-over-Minah’ thing. I want you to do the same for her.” Namjoon says. “As in… you’ve had Hanahaki for a while, and she’s not coping well with it. I’d really like if you showed her some of the ways you’ve been coping with it over the past year, to help her.”

Jungkook pauses to consider his answer. He does owe you that much, at least- he’d go so far as to say he owes you so much more than just help with coping with your illness. If he’s really improved as much as Namjoon seems to think he has, then he owes you his life. So, it’s no hardship at all, to take on such a task.

Nor is he… exactly… opposed to spending more time with you. He offers Namjoon a warm smile.

“Sure thing.” He says. Namjoon grins and hands Jungkook a piece of paper. Jungkook squints at it.

“Coping with Hanahaki can be hard- there are a lot of painful symptoms of the disease that are difficult to manage with medication. Here are some suggestions of things you can try at home if you’re feeling unwell after an episode.”

“Here are some of the things we recommend patients trying at home, to manage their condition.” Namjoon explains. Jungkook abruptly grins- already ideas on how to go about this are starting to form in his head. “Maybe it’ll give you some ideas on how to help her.”

++

You aren’t expecting a lot of hubbub when you return to work after two weeks leave. Yes, your departure had been catastrophically dramatic, but you had assumed the time away was enough for things to cool down. You’ve certainly had time to process and calm down after the emotional turmoil you had unexpectedly been launched into. That had been your aim in taking time off, anyway- to just process things and let the simmering tension slowly dissipate. Yet, when stepping into the office that morning, you are completely caught off-guard by the way Seokjin practically tackles you. You feel you may rupture a lung- he really seems to be doing his best to squeeze as much air from you as he can.

“Welcome back!” He cries, and it sounds alarmingly close to a sob. When he pulls away, his eyes are moist and you feel an odd wave of fondness.

“Thank you, Jin.” You say warmly, referring to him by his chosen nickname, the one that he insists everyone call him. You have always avoided it in the interest of maintaining professionalism, much to his displeasure. It has the desired effect- his entire face lights up like he’s just won the lottery and a gigantic grin splits his face.

Seri’s greeting is more subdued, but no less warm. She merely asks her clients on the phone to hold for a moment while she offers you a beam, before returning to her work, exactly as you would expect her to. It’s an appreciated reaction, and the reaction you had desired and expected when finally returning.

Oddly, Jungkook’s reaction is the most dramatic, though he does not tackle you like Seokjin did. Instead, right as you are about to take your lunch break, he deposits a rather large picnic basket on your desk. You peer at it curiously before allowed your gaze to flicker up to your business partner. He’s staring determinedly at the ceiling like he will turn to stone if he meets your gaze, and rather than offer you a verbal explanation, he shoves a piece of paper into your face.

You curiously scan the contents and find it is one of the information pamphlets your brother likes to give out to first-time Hanahaki patients. You have no idea why he’s giving you this, or why he’s dumped a picnic basket onto your desk until your gaze lands on the first thing on the list of methods for managing the disease at home:

“1. Sunshine.

Many patients complain about low body temperatures and poor circulation when suffering from the disease. Sunlight (although make sure to always use sun protection!) has been proven to strengthen the body’s immune response to Hanahaki and improve energy levels in patients. If you’ve had a bad episode, try going for a walk or sitting out in the sun for a while, as this can help with the low body temperature and has numerous other health benefits.”

“I… I figured we could kill two birds with one stone.” Jungkook offers, surprisingly shyly. You stare at him in bewilderment, before peeking under the lid of the picnic basket- various containers of food sit within it. “Celebrate your return to the office and get some sunshine- to help manage your symptoms.”

Inside, your heart leaps at his suggestion. Despite everything, you still want to spend time with him, as pathetic as that is. But you are quick to school your features and scold your stubborn heart by employing cold, hard reason: You can spend all the time managing the disease in the world, but spending more time with the cause, and feeding yourself with the hope that he’ll move on from Minah and turn to you is just climbing deeper into the depths of Hanahaki. You purse your lips together.

“I don’t think this is what’s best for us, Jungkook.” You say softly. “I… you know why I have these symptoms, and you know better than anybody that spending more time with you could make them worse. If you want us to go back to what we were, then we should probably avoid spending unnecessary time with each other.”

Jungkook pulls a face rather like a kicked puppy and deflates just a little. But then he straightens with renewed determination, striding around the table and crouching before you. He grasps one of your hands between both of his and tugs it towards him. His expression is pleading.

“Let me help you.” He begs. “You’re important to me- I don’t want to see you in pain. I know, better than anyone else, how painful this can be, but I also know how best to cope with it. And this isn’t coming from a place of responsibility or a desire to get rid of your feelings, by the way, because I know you’re gonna refuse if it is. I want to do this because I want to spend time with you, and I want you to be happy and comfortable while I do. So please. Will you let me do for you what you did for me?”

You stare at him for a long moment, searching for any hint of that dreaded tendency of his to try and take responsibility for everyone else’s hardship. The last thing you want is for him to be going out of his way to spend time with you because of a sense of duty or obligation. But all you see in his gaze is sincerity. The look in his rounded, innocent eyes is warm and open and you feel your willpower crumbling beneath the weight of his pleas.

“Fine.” You agree, hoping you don’t come to regret this decision.

A short while later, you find yourself hovering awkwardly while Jungkook carefully lays out the contents of the picnic basket across the picnic blanket he brought with him. The park he’s brought you to is only a five-minute walk from the office, and since it’s a weekday, it’s absent of the usual sight of screaming children or dogs bounding down the pavement. Instead, a few office workers loiter around, enjoying the sunshine on their lunch break. Jungkook finishes laying down the last of his carefully prepared containers gleefully, before tugging you over by the hand and pressing down on your shoulders until you are forced to take a seat on the blanket. He stretches languorously beside you, leaning back on his elbows and squeezing his eyes shut as he soaks in the sunlight.

You hesitantly settle beside him, cross-legged. You squeeze your eyes to enjoy the warmth of the sun against your skin. You hadn’t realised how cold you were until this moment- a shiver, unbidden, wracks your body. Jungkook shoots up in the next moment, having felt the way you shuddered. His eyes are wide.

“Are you cold?” He demands, as if it’s a crime to be cold. You roll your eyes and are about to answer no, but he scrambles into a sitting position and yanks off his suit jacket. Before you can say a word of protest, he’s draping it carefully over your shoulders. The gentle, thoughtful action renders you speechless for a moment, and you’re stuck breathing in the scent of his cologne for the moment. The suit jacket is surprisingly heavy- your shoulders refuse to rise in a breath.

“A-aren’t you cold?” You mumble shyly, looking away. “You have Hanahaki too. You shouldn’t be giving up your jacket.”

Jungkook merely smiles, and wraps his hands around your cold fingers, which rest awkwardly in your lap, and to your surprise, his fingers are warm.

“I think I’ll be fine.” Is all he says, before turning away to pluck a grape from one of the containers.

Silence stretches beneath you for the next few moments, as you are at a lost of what to say, and you decide to focus on eating. It saves you the trouble of trying to find something to talk about, because suddenly it feels like too much strength to fill that silence. That’s why it surprises you when Jungkook starts talking.

“Be honest.” He says suddenly, adjusting his position and moving suddenly to rest his head in your lap. You almost flinch in surprise, but you don’t pull away or address it. He smiles, though it’s difficult to tell if the smile is at your lack of protest, or because of what he says next. “Do you prefer smooth or crunchy peanut butter? Because I used smooth, but I personally prefer crunchy. You just strike me as a smooth peanut butter kind of gal.” He admits.

“Actually, I’m allergic to peanuts.” You volunteer awkwardly. His eyes fly open in horror and his expression is so comical you burst out laughing. “Joking! Jokes. I’m not allergic.”

He stares at you incredulously for a long moment before shaking his head.

“I didn’t know you knew how to make jokes.” He comments seriously, but then he smiles. “You know, peanut allergies aren’t something to mess around with. I could have accidentally killed you.”

“It was in poor taste.” You agree with a frown. “I’m sorry- I don’t know what came over me.”

To your surprise, Jungkook merely laughs.

“There’s the (Y/N) I know and love.” He says seriously. “Wouldn’t know a joke if it hit her in the face.”

He doesn’t seem to notice his slip, or the way you fall abruptly silent at his words. You know he doesn’t mean it, at least not in the way you want him to mean it but for some reason your heart still flutters strangely at the words. You swallow awkwardly and if he notices the way your answers to his continued stream of conversation are weirdly stiff for the rest of your lunch hour, he doesn’t comment on it.

You don’t vomit any petals that night.

++

After the picnic, Jungkook doesn’t get another chance for a while to check in on your disease. A whole month passes without the two of you being able to chat properly about it. Suddenly everything with the wedding hits what you often refer to as the “go” period. Wedding planning often starts off slow, with couples taking their time to decide what they want and sort their new lives together. But once a date is set, often things become suddenly fast-paced- with deadlines come people who are unable to meet them, comes pressure, comes stress for the bride and groom. Of course, you are used to the stress of the “go” period, since it is a major part of your job, and Jungkook has seen you juggle multiple weddings in the “go” period at once. This is his first one, though, and he suddenly has a newfound appreciation for the complexity and stress of your job. It’s just as well though- you seem to withdraw further into your shell after the picnic and he can’t shake the feeling that you’re distancing yourself from him.

It’s not like there’s a way he can actively do anything about the second step of the pamphlet Namjoon had given him. At least, not for a good while, until one day Seri decide it’s appropriate for all four members of the event-planning firm to go out for a company dinner. Jungkook can count on one hand the number of times he has agreed to go with his coworkers in the last five years and he actually fully intends on keeping that number low. He has to go into the office tomorrow to make some last minute adjustments for Minah’s bridal shower in two days, and it’s a mere two weeks until her actual wedding. He doesn’t have time for this kind of frivolous outing- at least, he doesn’t until he overhears Seri encouraging you to take shots with her after dinner.

Alarm bells go off in his head and the words of Namjoon’s pamphlet begin to replay loudly in Jungkook’s mind:

“2. Avoid alcohol.

Hanahaki is known to reduce oxygenation and cause increased dehydration in patients, and alcohol can exacerbate these symptoms. A small amount with the advice of your doctor should be fine, but try to avoid heavy or regular drinking as it may temporarily worsen your symptoms. Some patients have also reported increased vomiting episodes following a period of drinking, although this is rare.“

“I’ll come!” Jungkook declares urgently, interrupting your reluctant agreement to do shots with Seri. Seri stares incredulously at Jungkook and slowly the smile slides off her face and something devious and scheming replaces it.

“You want to come, Jungkook?” She asks, her voice lightly curious and completely polite but he can’t help but pick out the undercurrent of something that no doubt spells trouble for him. He almost recants his desire to come, but one look at you and he knows he’s stuck.

“I… yes.” He says, though he feels vaguely like he’s sealing his doom.

“Jungkook’s coming?” Jin cries, emerging from your office where he’s stolen your stapler, the pink on with your name and the words “KIM SEOKJIN DO NOT STEAL” printed in permanent marker across the side. Your gaze flickers to the stapler and you glare. “This calls for something big!”

“I was just thinking the same thing, Jin.” Seri agrees, looking remarkably smug, like the cat that got the cream. “I don’t think our office outfits will do, though- I’m thinking we go home, get changed, and go all out for dinner tonight- and I’m thinking we should go clubbing afterwards.”

Jin blinks, as if he hadn’t expected Seri to play along with his desire for a big night out, but then he smiles.

“Sounds great.”

An hour later, Jungkook discovers why Seri had looked so scheming when Jungkook agreed to come along, because you step into the restaurant and he almost sprays his water all over the three entrees Jin had ordered for himself. Jin barely takes notice- he doesn’t lift his gaze from where he eyes his entrées, and simply pats Jungkook on the back repeatedly while Jungkook hacks his lungs out.

“They look delicious.” Jin comments, and Jungkook almost agrees until he realises that Jin is commenting on his food, and not the way you look tonight. Good thing he catches himself in time before he can embarrass himself. Seri is similarly dressed up, with her long sleek hair pulled into a high ponytail and an off-the-shoulder figure hugging dress and she looks beautiful, but she doesn’t make his heart skip a beat the way your appearance is currently doing.

You take your seat opposite Jungkook, oblivious to the way his lungs seem to have gone on strike with your proximity. You look so pretty. You’re always pretty, in personality and in looks but in that moment he could almost picture what being on a date with you would be like. He thinks that he would like it, probably. He’d like the way you’d almost definitely put a lot of effort in because you care about things like that and he’d like the way your face would light up when he tok you to a nice restaurant like this one because you like being pampered and he’d like the way his hand would look wrapped around yours while resting against the deep red of your dress when he eventually plucked up the courage to tug his seat next to your and grab your hand. But this is all hypothetical- he knows he’s not ready for that, not yet. Still…

“You look… amazing.” Jungkook comments softly. You look up, surprised, and then a shy smile that makes his heart ache crosses your face.

“Thank you.” You respond, unable to meet his gaze and the response is so endearing he feels like he’s melting. “Seri picked out my outfit.”

You’re welcome. Seri mouths at him, but he is unable to respond or thank her before the waitress is interrupting you to ask for your orders. The night almost goes smoothly from there- Jungkook almost forgets to order because he’s focusing on the way your hair curls softly against your exposed neck and the waitress has to refill his water every few minutes cause he can’t seem to dispel the sudden dryness to his throat and the longer he looks at you the worse it gets.

Finally, the part of the evening that he’s been dreading arrives- Seri leads the three of you confidently through the streets towards a club she had frequented a lot before landing a steady job. Jungkook himself used to frequent the club scene in his early twenties but he hasn’t been to one since the strange night where you had been trying to help him. Sudden anxiety seizes him at the recall of that night when he remembers how quick strangers had been to flock to you- what if that happens again tonight, where you somehow look even more beautiful?

He grasps your wrist right before you enter the club and leans in close to you. Seri and Jin walk ahead of you.

“You’re not going to drink tonight, are you?” He asks softly. You turn your head slightly to meet his gaze and he feels a little dizzy with the way all of your attention is suddenly focused on him and he wishes it could stay that way all night but he knows it’s a selfish thought and since he’s still technically suffering from Hanahaki he doesn’t voice the request aloud.

“Why wouldn’t I?” You answer, puzzled. “It’s a Friday night and work has been stressful.”

He didn’t expect you to protest.

“It’s not good for your Hanahaki.” He tries to explain. You roll your eyes.

“That’s not your problem, Jungkook.” Is all you tell him before he loses his grip on you and is separated from you in the sudden rush of the crowd. He tries to call out, but his voice is lost amidst the pounding music, and he’s left standing pathetically by himself in the entrance corridor.

It doesn’t take him long to find you again- you wait at the bar and happen to meet his gaze when he finally fights his way through the crowd of people. You watch him for a moment, before offering a chilling smile and then before his eyes you down a shot of something clear and probably alcoholic. Jungkook’s eyes go wide and he manages to force his way to your side.

“What the heck, (Y/N)!” He cries. “I didn’t say that as a joke- the pamphlet says that you shouldn’t be drinking with your condition-“

“Forget about the stupid pamphlet.” You say dismissively. “It’s not like it’ll cure me- it’s supposed to ‘temporarily alleviate my symptoms’.” You mock. Then your gaze softens, and you gently grasp his hand between yours. You tug him forward and lead him to a quieter area of the club where it’s actually possible to have a normal conversation. “Jungkook. I really, really appreciate what you’re trying to do. I do. And I know it’s coming from a good place, but with everything that’s been happening lately, I just want to let loose on a Friday night with my friends. I’m an adult and I’m well aware of the consequences of my actions. I just want one night, where I don’t have to worry about my illness, or yours, or the wedding, or anyone’s wedding. Can you do that for me?”

He opens his mouth to protest, to stop you, but nothing comes out. Instead his heart pulses painfully in his chest at the way you’ve opened up. You actually haven’t share how hard things have been for you probably since agreeing to plan the wedding. Instead it’s been all about him- how can you care for him, how can you be there for him, what can you do to keep Minah and Taehyung from finding out? Even after you’d vomited that petal, the first time you saw him again had been to comfort him. And he really, really likes that about you, how selfless you can be, how you don’t even ask him to consider you, but it also scares him. Because what you deserve is actually the opposite of what he has been for you- for someone who loves you so much they wouldn’t think twice about putting you first, even above their own comfort. And he wants to be that person, suddenly. Not because he thinks he’s selfish, or because of the self-loathing that has motivated him in everything up until now. So he swallows his unease and offers you a weak smile.

“Ok.” He agrees. “But if things get out of hand, I’m taking you home, ok?”

“That just means I can go all out.” You tell him dismissively. “Cause you’re gonna take care of me, right?”

He feels like his heart is melting beneath the hot, molten lava that has suddenly filled his ribcage.

“I… yeah. Ok.” He agrees stupidly, and you grin at him.

Seri appears in the next moment to drag you off to do more shots and Jungkook actually makes it through most of the night without regretting his decision to trust you to make responsible choices. At least not until the shots start hitting and then maybe he thinks that maybe you really aren’t making the wisest decisions tonight. He watches you, Seri and Jin get progressively drunker throughout the night and winces as your antics get steadily more embarrassing and cringey. With a remarkable amount of patience, it isn’t until you and Jin begin dancing together quite inappropriately the Jungkook thinks you’ve had too much.

“Remember our earlier agreement?” He asks- prying you off Jin is rather like peeling a slug off a window. He swallows back the bile rising in the back of his throat and tugs you backwards until you flop weakly into his arms.

“Jung- hic- Jungkook!” You cry drunkenly. You then whirl around and wrap your arounds around his neck. Your hips start swivelling in a way that is both incredibly distracting and incredibly embarrassing. He knows you’re going to be thrilled in the morning when you wake up and recall that not just one of your co-workers, but all three (because he had witnessed you and Seri dancing together earlier in the night) now have first hand experience on your most embarrassing club moves. “Dance with me!” You plea, but he plants his hands on your hips to stop their workplace-inappropriate swaying and grimaces at you.

“You’re going to love reliving this when I remind you in the morning.” He says with a smile. “But in the meantime, how about we go home?”

You nod placidly and allow him to lead you out of the club. He calls an uber to take the two of you home since he’d taken public transport to get to the restaurant, and you fall asleep on the drive home. Your head lolls against his shoulder and he doesn’t pull away because the weight is comforting. He bites back a smile as he examines the way your lashes fan against the apples of your cheeks and the way your lipstick is smeared slightly on your bottom lip. Somehow, he finds it endearing- you’re always so put together and guarded, determined to take care of every person in the room but yourself, and he likes that you’re suddenly vulnerable with him. Even this, getting drunk knowing he’d be the one to drag you home, falling asleep against his shoulder- they’re all acts of trust that are infinitely precious and once more he is confronted with a sense of a growing feeling he’s been unwilling to name thus far. The same one that had prompted him to think in his living room that night that he doesn’t want you to move on without him.

He knows what you’d think, if you knew about this warm, unfurling feeling in his chest. Just a few short months ago he’d been willing to die for the sake of Minah’s happiness. And he’d only told Taehyung and Minah the truth a month ago- that’s such a short amount of time. But really, when he thinks about it, he knows these feelings go back further than just the short month since being rejected. No- if he thinks about it really hard, his feelings for you are like a tree. A pathetic sprout, planted all the way back to when you first agreed to take a chance on the random guy at the bar and start a business together. It has been growing steadily without him even noticing. And now he looks, and there’s an oak tree. He’s not sure when it grew to be that big or that intense but now when he looks, it’s all he can see. But that’s way too much, way too soon after Minah and so he does what he’s been continuing to do every time he’s confronted with how he feels about you- he pushes it down, to deal with later. After the wedding, after he’s cured. Just… after.

You’re still very drunk by the time the uber driver gets you back to your apartment. You vomit in the toilet bowl once you’re safely inside and it’s a sickening mixture of petals and vomit. Jungkook has to brush your teeth for you because you’re too drunk to even hold a toothbrush. The whole time you stare placidly at him and your fingers curl gently into the lapels of his coat. You obey his commands and pull silly faces while he scrubs your teeth clean. It’s a little gross but once your teeth are clean it’s more manageable. When you’re clean enough for bed and the vomit is long gone, he hoists you up with an arm around his shoulder and helps drag you towards the bedroom.

He miscalculates as he tries to lay you down because you still stubbornly cling to his coat. He stumbles awkwardly and tried to cradle the back of your head before you can bang it on a corner, but the two of you still go down. He manages to avoid crushing your abdomen with his knee by planting his knees on either sides of your hips. He catches his weight on his elbows on either side of your face and he’s focused enough of not crushing you that it takes him a moment to register your proximity. When he does, it’s like all the air rushes from his lungs in a whoosh. Your fingers, still stubborn curled into his jacket, tug him forward and in the next moment your lips are pressing softly against his.

His heart burns at the contact of your lips against his. Every rational, logical thought seems to evaporate with the warmth of your body pressed against his. Your hands continue to steadily pull him downwards by his jacket until his body slots neatly against yours. His right hand, of its own volition, slides to cup the curve of your jaw and you shudder at the sensation of his cold fingertips pressing into such a sensitive spot. Your teeth catch against his bottom lip and he can’t help but make a small noise that you quickly swallow. Jungkook pulls away just long enough to exhale shakily but you quickly tug him back in for another kiss.

He feels like there’s lightening in his veins, leaving molten trails in its path. The thought that you are drunk and may regret this in the morning quickly has him regaining his senses enough to pull away, but the damage is done. You’re drunk- it doesn’t mean anything. But he wants it to mean something. Your eyes are round and innocent as you regard him, and he’s never wanted anything more than he wants to kiss you again in that moment. He presses his forehead against yours and pants helplessly. He feels like there are two big magnets in his lips pulling him downwards and he sits up, away from you before he can do something you both might regret.

“Jungkook,” You breathe and he squeezes his eyes shut. The way you just said his name is probably going to haunt him for the rest of his life- it’s going to be on replay in all his dreams. The whiny, slightly breathy intonation has probably ruined his life for good.

“Go to sleep.” He pleads, more for his own sake than yours. He manages to keep a gentle smile on his face as your grip on his jacket loosens. You watch him with a sleepy and mildly curious look as he stands up and takes a step away from your bed, away from the tantalising warmth of your body. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

The second he’s safely outside your bedroom, he slumps uselessly against your door. He feels like there’s a hot, tight ball in his chest, filled with equal amounts stress and yearning.

So much for pushing down his feelings. It can’t go on like this. So, when he finally regains control of his lungs and his hands stop shaking from the sudden adrenaline rush, he pulls out his phone and scrolls through his contacts. There’s always been one guy he goes to for girl advice, at least there had been before Minah, and he’s the best chance Jungkook has at sorting these feelings out.

“Hello?” He hears Taehyung answer on the other end sleepily. Jungkook swallows awkwardly before answering.

“Tae, I need your advice…”

++

There’s chocolates on your desk. It’s not unusual to find gifts on your desk- oftentimes clients will stop by after their wedding with a thank-you present. But usually whoever is in the office when it gets dropped off will leave it with a sticky note saying who it’s from, or the clients will leave a card. This has no such thing. And, oddly, it just so happens to be your favourite brand. You feel like it’s not common knowledge and you don’t tend to go announcing your favourite kind of chocolates with clients, which means it’s probably not from them.

You want to eat it, but there’s been multiple times that you’ve eaten unlabelled chocolates and been chewed out by Seokjin for doing so, so you grab the box and poke your head out of your office door.

“Seokjin, do you know who left these chocolates?” You call. He doesn’t raise his eyes from his desk.

“Have you forgotten our deal already?” He answers, still distractedly typing something. You wince as you realise that yes, you had forgotten the deal. Said deal being that you call him Jin from now on lest he continue to tease you about the other night where you had apparently gotten drunk and grinded on not one, but all three of your employees. Not that you remember anything from that night, but Jin keeps promising that he has video evidence. You’re glad Jungkook had apparently managed to drag your ass home before things got too out of hand.

“Jin.” You grit out, irritated by the unprompted and unwelcome reminder of your drunken shenanigans. The sounds of his keyboard clicking pauses as he looks up and squints at the box of chocolates you are waving at him.

“I saw Jungkook carrying those in earlier. I tried to steal one, but he insisted they were a gift and that I couldn’t have any. I’d check with him before you eat them.” He says, and his tone is petulant. He never handles being denied sweets well.

Confused, you nod and wonder over to the kitchenette where Jungkook rests against the countertop, searching something on his phone.

“Can I eat these?” You ask, shoving them in his face. He flinches in surprise, having not expected you to suddenly appear, and when he registers the box of chocolates, his ears turn bright red. He looks up from his phone to grimace at you and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say his cheeks were glowing a bright pink.

“I left them on your desk for you, so yeah.” He says, surprisingly short and clipped in his delivery. You blink a little, baffled by the way he’s in such a bad mood, but you suppose that with only two weeks until Minah and Taehyung’s wedding and the bridal shower the very next day, he must be feeling a bit stressed. You peel off the plastic wrapping and pluck a chocolate out without checking its flavour. Something strong with a bitter coffee-like after taste floods your tastebuds and you squeeze your eyes shut in delight.

“Yum.” You sigh contentedly. “Did a client leave them for me?”

When you open your eyes, Jungkook quickly looks away like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t have, and he clears his throat awkwardly.

“Not exactly…” He mumbles. “Iboughtthemforyou.” He says quickly. You don’t catch it though and tilt your head curiously.

“Sorry, what?” You ask, this time scanning through the list of flavours to pick your next piece more carefully.

“I was doing some grocery shopping last night and they were on special. I know they’re your favourite kind, so I bought them for you.” He admits at last. You nearly choke on the chocolate and he whacks you on your back until your breathing clears.

“Why?” You ask dumbly, when you’re no longer at risk of aspirating. He looks away and rubs awkwardly at the back of his neck.

“Because I was thinking about you.” He confesses, and then he strides out of the room before you can interrogate him any further.

It’s not a standalone incident, oddly enough. The next day just before the bridal shower, you’re making some last-minute adjustments with the caterer when Jungkook pops up unexpectedly beside you. The caterer wrinkles her nose at his untimely interruption but leaves without complaint to complete the request you’ve asked of her.

“You won’t be at the bridal shower, will you?” Jungkook asks suddenly. You shake your head in answer.

“I’ll be available by phone if something goes wrong, but I have a few things to sort back at the office and it’s not common for me to attend the bridal shower anyway. That’s for wedding guests and the bride to enjoy.” You explain. “Why do you ask?”

Jungkook looks side to side, like at any moment someone is going to jump out and hold a gun to his head, before leaning in close.

“I got us movie tickets for tonight.” He whispers. You feel a tickle in your throat at his proximity and the way his breath skates hotly over the shell of your ear. You exhale slowly to will away the sudden tension in his shoulders.

“Why?” You ask, feeling like he’s left you dumfounded a lot since the night you went out clubbing with everyone. Again, his cheeks do that thing where they may be flushed a soft red or it could just be the soft pink decorations accenting his skin tone.

“I… you said you wanted to see this movie and were upset Jin wouldn’t go with you.” He volunteers. He’s oddly cute in the way he won’t meet your eyes and the way his hair is a little fluffy and the way his shirt sleeves hang just passed his fingertips because he bought it few sizes too large. Your heart pulses painfully in your chest and you have a feeling this is the opposite of what you should be doing, if you want to get your Hanahaki under control.

“T… thank you.” You stutter, thrown off guard. “But I can just go see it with Ser-“

“See it with me.” He interrupts in a plead. “I’ve already bought the tickets! Also… don’t you think it would be fun? Seeing a movie with me?”

You stare at him for a long moment. The most logical explanation for his recent strange behaviour is that it has something to do with the responsibility he feels for your illness. You don’t want to encourage him, if that’s the case. You’re not sure why he can’t understand that the more time he spends with you, and the more kindness he shows you, the worse your sickness is going to get. But though you search his gaze, all you see is an earnest desire to see a movie with you. It’s an oddly sweet and simple request and you feel your chest warm at his behaviour.

“It… it would.” You reluctantly agree. “Ok. Tonight. After the bridal shower- if you’re sure.”

The odd behaviour continues in the two weeks leading up to the wedding. Jungkook keeps doing things like leaving you little gifts on your desk or inviting you to outings. He takes you out to dinner with Minah once, and though you had assumed it would be an uncomfortable experience it just ends up being enjoyable. Minah is warm and friendly and just excited that Jungkook doesn’t seem to be too bothered by his illness as of late. He pays for you, that night- you don’t even notice him slide away and it’s only when you suggest getting the bill that he announces it’s already been settled. You try to bank transfer him what you owe but he confiscates your phone for the rest of the night and holds it out of reach every time you try and get it back with a wide grin on his face. The oddest part is that he makes Minah pay for ice cream later to pay him back.

You don’t… dislike the way he’s acting. It just… it kind of feels like the two of you are a brand new couple, in the phase where you can’t get enough of each other and romantic gestures are commonplace but still exciting. You’re too afraid to ask him about it lest the hope that has steadily been blooming that maybe he has more motives than friendship in mind be squashed. You do notice that your Hanahaki symptom ease just slightly over those two weeks.

The odd behaviour comes to a head on the night before the wedding. You go down the day before with Jungkook- Seri and Jin are invited as well but plan to go on the day of the wedding since they have work to do. As for the hen’s night and buck’s night, Jungkook can’t physically be in two places at once, and Minah and Taehyung had both agreed that celebrating their last night of ‘freedom’ was a juvenile and inappropriate way to start off their life together. So, they instead opt for a pseudo-engagement party the night before the wedding. It’s a fairly intimate gathering- a few close friends, family and you. You normally attend the weddings of the clients you work for, and since this wedding involves an overnight stay for the more involved guests, Taehyung and Minah bite the bullet and invite you along so that you’re not sitting alone in your hotel room while everyone else has fun. It’s when you’re finalising the last details of said engagement party that it happens.

You don’t mean to eavesdrop- you’d stepped into the function room to check that everything was as the hotel staff had reassured you it was moments before, and your earring falls off and rolls away. With a groan, you get on your hands and knees and crawl beneath one of the draped tables, the long one that the catering staff are going to lay food across once the party begins. It’s dark under there and you crawl in far enough the drape falls, concealing your presence from anyone who steps into the room. Of course, you don’t know that until you hear Taehyung and Jungkook having some sort of intense conversation, seemingly unaware of your presence.

“So things are going well then?” You hear Taehyung’s deep voice say contemplatively. You freeze- you should reveal yourself lest you be face with the awkwardness of revealing that you are eavesdropping, but your dress is low cut and if you crawl out from under the table, both men will undoubtedly see more than they should. “Are you sure you’re not being too subtle? Why aren’t you going with my plan?”

“I’m trying to be subtle.” Jungkook complains. “I told you, Tae, I’m not trying to confess or sweep her off her feet like you would do. That’s not what I want, and I don’t think it’s what she wants either. I want her to warm up to the idea first. It’s a lot to take in.”

“Jungkook, this is your problem!” Taehyung exclaims. You shift, remaining crouched beneath the table- what are they talking about? Is… Is Taehyung giving Jungkook advice on how to win over Minah?  The weirdness of such a situation has you adjusting your position to conceal yourself even better beneath the table. “You’re too hesitant with everything. You should have just taken the advice I gave you that night- Why would she need to be eased into it? She’s literally in love with you!”

Now that’s strange- Minah’s most definitely not in love with Jungkook. And it was stupid to think that Taehyung, madly in love with Minah as he is, would participate in such a conversation anyway. But then… who is he talking about?

“That’s why I’m going slow.” Jungkook mumbles. Taehyung releases a frustrated groan.

“Jungkook! Where’s the passionate romance? The heart-stopping confession? The resulting make-out session? Dive in already!” He demands. “She’s definitely in love with you- she has Hanahaki, doesn’t she? What else could you possibly need before you stop hesitating and actually do something?”

Your heart stops in the same moment that Jungkook mumbles something intelligible because finally it occurs to you who they’re talking about- it’s you. They’re talking about you. But what are they saying? What is Jungkook trying to do? Is… is Taehyung giving Jungkook advice on how to win your heart? Something foreign and fantastic explodes in your chest- you feel like you’re flying, with the air soaring past you and adrenaline pumping through your veins. Taehyung’s suggestion sounds like Jungkook has been trying to… confess to you. Could he… could he return your feelings?

You’re just about to reveal yourself and confront him over it when the next thing Jungkook says has you crashing and burning rather than soaring through the skies.

“I am doing something! I’m trying to cure her!” Jungkook protests hotly. You hear the sound of flapping paper and a quick peek under the tablecloth reveals that Jungkook is waving a crumpled piece of paper at Taehyung. The bold colours across it look vaguely familiar. Taehyung rolls his eyes and snatches the paper out of Jungkook’s flailing hand.

“Stop treating that stupid pamphlet the Hanahaki doctor gave you like it’s the secret recipe to the krusty krab burger and listen to me, for once in your life!” Taehyung snaps. With a sinking feeling, you suddenly understand the situation perfectly. That’s why the colours had looked familiar. The paper that Jungkook is waving is that stupid pamphlet your brother gave him, the one on Hanahaki. Which means everything, all the sweet gestures of late, were just more actions borne of guilt. It’s Jungkook’s stupid sense of responsibility. He’s just trying to help you “manage” your disease again. “Jungkook, you need to-“ Taehyung begins, but you scramble out from under the table, intent on fleeing the room before you can be humiliated any further. The words die in Taehyung’s mouth as the two men register your presence in the function room.

“(Y/N)?” Jungkook cries. “What are you doing here?”

He takes a tentative step towards you, but you whirl around so that your back is facing him before he can register the tears that stick your lashes together and smudge you mascara.

“I… I dropped an earring.” You say, but it is obvious that your voice is choked with a repressed sob. “And then it was too awkward to come out. Please, continue your conversation on how to cure me- I’m sure these feelings are inconvenient for you anyway.” You urge, already halfway to the door.

“Wait!” Jungkook cries, but you are already darting down the corridor before he can stop you. He groans, forcing a hand through his hair- Minah had carefully gelled it earlier that day but now he’s messed it up. Taehyung stares incredulously at Jungkook with his mouth twisted and one eye opened wider than the other.

“Kook,” Taehyung calls. “What are you waiting for? Now’s your chance to have the big romcom scene-“

“No!” Jungkook snaps, whirling on Taehyung. “I shouldn’t have called you for this in the first place. All your dumb ideas of buying her gifts and dinner and taking her out didn’t work! She’s still sick and now she probably thinks I did all that just to get rid of her feelings! This messes up the entire plan I had.”

Taehyung groans and presses a hand to his forehead before whirling on his friend with a surprising fire in his eyes.

“Then go and tell her that! Stop beating around the bush and making all these plans and trying to ‘ease’ into everything!” Taehyung cries. He steps forward and plants both his hands on Jungkook’s shoulders and meets his gaze dead-on. “I love you, Jungkook, but do you know what your problem is? You’re always so busy freaking out and wondering about what could go wrong that you just forget to live your life. There’s been exactly one time in your entire life that you’ve been reckless and impulsive and said ‘to hell with the consequences’ and that was the day you asked (Y/N) to start a business with you. And I know Minah scolded you heaps because of that because it was reckless, but you know what? I think it was the smartest, bravest thing you’ve ever done and look where it got you. Look where taking that leap of faith can get you! Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to stop holding back all the time?”

“I was just trying to…” Jungkook says weakly. “I was afraid, that I’d make it worse. I wanted her to be completely comfortable and have the disease under control before I dropped a bomb like that.” Taehyung’s eyes soften as he regards his old friend.

“Confessing to her would cure her. You of all people should know that. You know this disease back to front.” Taehyung says. “Jungkook, do you want to know the real reason you’re starting to get better? It’s not because of your feelings for (Y/N), although I’m sure they helped. It’s because you finally stopped holding yourself back all the time and actually processed things. You finally started seeking help instead of bottling everything up out of fear of how people would react. Do that now, Kook. Stop holding back and being afraid and making contingency plans and dropping hints to test the water because you’re too afraid to jump straight in. Take a chance.”

Taehyung smiles, and suddenly Jungkook understands something. He understands why it was Taehyung, and not him for Minah. It’s not cause he’s unlucky or because Taehyung is the better choice. He doesn’t believe in things like soulmates or fate, not anymore, which means maybe things could have gone differently- it really could have been him and not Taehyung. But it didn’t end up that way because Taehyung took the leap Jungkook was too afraid to even attempt. And that’s why he lost his chance with Minah and he’s going to lose his chance with you if he keeps doing the same thing he’s always done: holding back what he’s really feeling. And he really, really doesn’t want to lose his chance with you. Jungkook swallows and Taehyung seems to sense the change in demeanour because his expression softens, and he smiles.

“I… I have to go after her.” Jungkook breathes, lungs locked with the force of his realisation.

“That’s my boy.” Taehyung says warmly, dropping his arms from Jungkook’s shoulder, freeing him to allow him to chase after you. Jungkook takes one last look at his old friend and wills his non-existent courage forward as he turns and takes off in the direction that you’d fled in.

You’ve made it safely to the elevators and are tearfully waiting for them to slide closed when a hand shoots out through the centre of them. There’s a clattering noise and they slide back open to expose a crazy-looking Jungkook. His hair is in complete disarray and he’s out of breath and his top button is undone and his eyes have a wildness to them that you don’t really understand.

“Jungkook?” You say and your voice is embarrassingly uncertain and shaky with tears. “What are you-”

“Enough.” He cries, before throwing himself into the elevator. The doors slide shut behind him just in time for him to catch your face between his hands, one hand cupping each cheek, and plant his lips onto yours. It’s a forceful, desperate kiss. There’s a handrail protruding from the back wall of the elevator and Jungkook presses into you until you’re leaning against it. It digs into the small of your back. He doesn’t open his mouth as he drops his hands from your face, curling them around the rail so that you are trapped between his body and the rail. He pulls away and glares at you, but it’s not an angry glare. His gaze is just filled with an intensity that makes the hairs along the back of your neck raise. “No more.” He gasps.

“N-no more what?” You ask, a little dazed and confused. The elevator has slid shut behind him and rises slowly. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut. You’re on the top floor and if anyone were to try and get onto this elevator, then surely, they would have some complaints about PDA. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut and rests his forehead against you and your lungs rebel and your chest tightens. It’s a terrifying sensation yet somehow, it’s also thrilling.

“No more misunderstandings.” He says, and then he presses another long, lingering kiss to your mouth and your heart skips a beat. “No more running away.” He punctuates it with another kiss, and this one is almost angry. “No more holding back what we’re really feeling.” He goes in for another one but this time, though your reflexes are slowed with confusion and dazed from the warmth of his mouth, you manage to stop him before he can attempt another one.

“Jungkook, Jungkook, wait.” You cry, and he obliges though his gaze flickers down to your mouth and his tongue darts out to moisten his lips. “You need to explain- you can’t just walk in here, and… and…”

You’re not sure you’d have been able to finish the sentence even if the elevator hadn’t slid open in the next moment. But Jungkook stares down the hotel corridor and then at you and then he’s grabbing your hand and dragging you towards his room, only three doors down from your own. His fingers are clumsy as he struggles to grab his key from his wallet and then he leads you into his room. It’s a little messy- his suitcase is open with clothes strewn across his bedding and his laptop is open and plugged in to the wall, which is surely a fire hazard. He stops and turns to face you and you almost crash into you, but he steadies you with a hand on either shoulder.

“Your feelings aren’t inconvenient.” He says in a rush. You blink- the past few minutes have been so confusing and fast paced that it’s a real struggle to keep up. “And I’m not trying to get rid of them. And I’m not trying to sneakily treat you out of obligation or because I feel guilty. I was trying to make you comfortable using Namjoon’s pamphlet before I… before I…” He says, and he loses his steam when his explanation reaches that point. You don’t know what he plans to say next, but he drops his hands from your shoulders and whirls around so that you can’t see his expression.

“(Y/N).” He says, like he’s testing the syllables out, playing with the way they roll against his tongue. “I got a blood test the other week. Your brother said it’s the only reliable way to test if a patient is getting better or worse during treatment.”

You’re familiar with the process- Dr. Hoseok has been making you take them at least once a month in the efforts that you’ll finally show some improvement, but your blood results have remained frustratingly stable. You’ve been unable to figure out why, but staring at Jungkook now, at the planes of his shoulders and the way his suit jacket stretches flatteringly along their length and yet his hair is a little fluffy and there is one tuft that stubbornly sits perpendicular to his scalp, you realise why. It’s because you can’t get over him. You’ve been pushing down your feelings and ignoring them and trying to pretend they mean nothing to you for so long. You’re too busy to have feelings- he’s too important for you to pursue them. They’re just an inconvenience. A weakness that you can’t afford. But no matter how you try to hide or ignore them or push them out of your mind they just keep springing back.

“My levels have dropped back to almost normal.” Jungkook admits in an exhale. He turns to peek at you over his shoulder, curious about what reaction you are having. You don’t really react- your heart just pounds hollowly in your chest because you don’t understand the weight of what he’s saying. “I… I’m almost better, (Y/N). I have one more blood test scheduled for the day after Minah and Taehyung leave for their honeymoon, but I think that even if it was scheduled for today the results would be the same- I’m cured. I haven’t thrown up in two weeks- I used to do it multiple times a day.”

“How?” You ask softly and without your consent a tear rolls down your cheek. You’re surprised- you didn’t feel it build and you don’t know why you’re suddenly crying. Jungkook turns fully to face you and steps in close so that he can affectionately slide his thumb across your cheek, wiping away the tear. His expression is gentle and peaceful as he does so- a little half smile curls at the corners of his lips.

“I don’t know. But Taehyung reckons it’s because I was finally honest with myself. I stopped pushing everything down and holding back and trying to push everyone away when things got hard.” He admits. “So, then it got easier to process things and move on, I guess. But do you know how I suddenly learnt to do that?” You shake your head and his smile widens until it’s a brilliant beam that is so bright you almost have to look away. His hand still carefully cups your cheek like you’re the most precious gem or treasure in the world.

“You taught me.” He admits softly. “For an entire year I isolated myself and pushed people away and I’d forgotten what it was like to have someone to rely on until you came along. And you’ve just been so… you. Fighting harder for me than I fight for myself. And you made me brave- the things I was afraid of happening seemed manageable because I knew you would help me and support me through it. And when I finally spoke up, things just went well. I’ve mended things with Minah and Taehyung, and my illness is getting better, and I’m happy. I’d forgotten even what the word meant until recently. So, now that I know how great it is to just say the truth… I’m sick of just sitting back and letting all this misunderstanding and confusion and procrastination and fear hold me back from what I really want- and what I want is you.” He explains forcefully. “Aren’t you sick of it too? Of pretending things are ok and normal when they’re not because it would be too uncomfortable otherwise? Of running away when things get complicated because it’s too hard to deal with? Of not going after what we really want in case things don’t work out? Wouldn’t it be better if we just… did it together? Wouldn’t it be more fun if we faced all the scary bits side by side?”

It would. What he’s offering sounds too good to be true? Ever since you had coughed up that first petal, you’ve been trying to pretend that you didn’t really want Jungkook. Yes, you have feelings for him but you’re a smart, logical woman and to take it any further would be a stupid move. Illogical. Irrational. Inconvenient. Dangerous. Yet, now that he stands in front of you, offering the exact thing you’d been pretending you don’t want, you realise how much you want it. How much you want him- how much you love him.

“Jungkook,” You say slowly, and your voice cracks.

The two of you are interrupted by the sound of a repeated knocking on his room door and you hear a female voice call out.

“Jungkook! Minah wants me to give a speech and she said you’d look over it to make sure the stories I have aren’t too incriminating- quickly come and check!” You recognise the voice as one of Minah’s university friends who is attending the party which starts in a mere 30 minutes. Jungkook’s eyes bug out of his head and he looks like it’s the last thing he wants to do in that moment.

“Go.” You say, instead of what you had originally planned to say. “It’s ok. We can talk later… we have time.” You admit. “I… I won’t run away again.”

Jungkook’s eyes light up and his gaze searches your for a long moment before he smiles.

“Ok. Later. Promise?” He requests and you offer him your warmest, sweetest smile and he thinks his heart goes on strike for a moment.

“Promise.” You respond sincerely.

++

Of course, when you had promised to talk later, you had meant after the wedding. Maybe the two of you could get dinner after work one day and just talk things out. Have a proper date, see how things played out, like a normal couple. Take it slow and just figure out what each of you wanted. If things went well, your Hanahaki would resolve and Jungkook’s is almost pretty much gone anyway. Jungkook, of course, gripped with a desperate impatience, had no such thoughts of waiting that long. Throughout the party he takes every opportunity to try and make it to your side but each time he is intercepted. A maid of honour or a best man would be busy the night before on a normal wedding, but not only does Jungkook have to play both roles, he does not have any other members of the bridal party to help ease the load. You watch with increasing amusement as each attempt to speak to you is thwarted with another issue he must sort and the looks he sends you are increasingly frustrated and forlorn. And when he’s not being called away, you are. Finally, you must call it a night, and when you meet Jungkook’s eyes that last time, a sort of recognition and resignation lights his eyes. Not tonight, his eyes seem to agree. There are far more urgent and pressing things for him to worry about- the two of you can sort things out after Minah and Taehyung have had their dream wedding.

The day dawns bright and sunny and you are very busy as you smooth out the last minute kinks and deal with the deadline disasters that always seem to accompany the actual wedding day. The florist broke her arm and can’t deliver the flowers- the guitarist’s string snapped and he doesn’t have a spare- one of the kitchen staff sliced their finger with a knife. You handle each with the grace and poise of a seasoned wedding planner and don’t have time for a single thought but making sure this wedding goes smoothly until you step into the bride’s room for a last-minute check.

Minah is standing before the mirror and adjusting the long skirt of her wedding dress. After the revelation of what Jungkook’s reaction had been to the first dress she tried on, she’d quickly opted for a different choice. This one has a lace up to the thin column of her throat but the material is delicate and see-through, exposing her arms and collarbone beneath it. The bodice hugs her torso closely and a delicate line of embroidered flowers trails a spiral path down her body onto the full skirt that flares out at her waist. Her hair is up and pinned smoothly into a tasteful twist and her veil is a draped delicately across the crown of her head and shrouding her in a soft white that makes her look like an angel.

“You look amazing.” You say warmly. You say that to every bride, for every wedding you plan, but not once have you ever not said the words genuinely. People tend to glow with a happiness that words can’t describe when the day arrives for them to marry the love of their lives and that, more than any dress, or makeup or hairstyle, is why you’ve never seen an ugly bride. Minah is no exception, even if on a model day she probably gets scouted on the street for modelling agencies. The warm, slightly nervous but excited smile she gives you in answer is the reason you plan weddings- you love bringing joy to people on such an important day.

“Thank you.” She says, sincerely, hugging the bouquet closely to her chest. She’d originally wanted roses, but you’d had to change it a month earlier when she’d rung you in tears after discovering that Jungkook vomits rose petals when he’s having an episode. You’d opted for a bouquet of light blue baby’s breath, promising that they symbolise long-lasting love. The way she hugs them to her chest now, you know you’ve made the right choice. As a wedding planner you’ve become quite adept at picking out what couples will go the distance and what ones won’t make it far past the wedding. Taehyung and Minah are one of those couples, the rare kind who you know love each other past all the bells and whistles that a wedding sometimes have. Sometimes people use the grand party and the pretty clothes and the fresh excitement to push away or ignore their issues or even to escape the reality of the future spouse they have chosen, but that hasn’t been the case with these two. They really, truly love each other and even though it has, by far, been the most difficult wedding you have ever had the misfortune to plan, you’re glad they chose you to plan it.

“I just wanted to check in on how you’re doing. Your mother is just outside, by the way, so I won’t stay long. I need to make a couple of phone-calls. I’ll meet you out in the gardens in a half an hour, ok?” You say, glancing at the silver watch that rests against your wrist and wincing as each tick of the second hand means you have one less moment to make things absolutely perfect. You duck your head respectfully and are about to excuse yourself, when Minah calls out.

“Wait.” She cries. She tugs up the hem of her dress and steps towards you. “Before you go… did you talk to Jungkook?”

You’re surprised by her questioning and wonder what exactly she’s referring to.

“I… have. Last night before the engagement party.” You confess, though you don’t elaborate what the conversation was about. Something about the way Minah smiles tells you that perhaps she knows, though. She tilts her head delicately.

“I guess I’ll have to ask you for the full details later. I’d really… I’d really like if we could have that kind of friendship, going forward. The kind where you can confide in me. I really like you, (Y/N), and I really like how much brighter and happier Jungkook is around you. And my wedding day probably isn’t the best day to talk about that sort of thing, but I feel like I can walk up that aisle in peace, and I feel like it’s thanks to you.” She says. “I… a part of me always knew, you know. About his feelings. I didn’t know about the Hanahaki but I knew he had feelings for me. I was just so terrified of what that would mean for the three of us that I never said anything. Maybe if I had sooner, he would have never gotten sick. Does that make me a bad person?” She wonders aloud.

You’re not sure why she’s telling you this, but you also know that people often get emotional on their wedding day. It’s a day where a lot of truths start to come out. You consider her words.

“No. No I don’t think it does.” You admit. “I think it makes you a human. And you couldn’t have known how things would play out.”

She laughs and lowers her gaze. The laugh lacks humour and she tilts her head.

“It could have been me and him, you know.” She says, but there’s nothing mocking in her tone- no desire to make you uncomfortable or insecure. It’s just a genuine reflection and so you don’t feel defensive at her words. Because it could have been her and Jungkook. “If he’d said something before Taehyung, maybe things would have played out differently. But… I’m glad he didn’t. I’m glad it was me and Taehyung. My mother likes to say that love is about timing and I always agreed with her. Love works out when two people meet at the right time and fall in love at the right time. And I thought that was what happened with me and Taehyung. But… I don’t believe that anymore. Love is more than timing- it’s about working for that love. And I can walk up that aisle with a clear mind and heart because I don’t have to feel guilty for loving Taehyung and hurting Jungkook all because of something as convenient as timing. Because I know you’ll work for Jungkook. And I’m going to work for Taehyung, for the rest of my life. So thank you- for more than just the wedding, thank you for working for Jungkook and with him.” Minah says.

And then she does something unexpected- she pulls you into a tight hug. You’ve never been an affectionate person, particularly not with people you don’t know that well and particularly not with clients. But for the moment… for the moment you allow it with a half-smile.

A lot of people, when they learn what you do for a living, and when they learn what you gave up, are often baffled. Weddings get a bit of a bad rep, because they’re just huge parties for marriages that don’t work out 70% of the time. There’s a lot of bitterness tied up with weddings and often they just become a place for couples to flaunt their wealth and love. To rub it in the faces of people who don’t have those things. So the question you are often met with is this: Why weddings? Why do you put up with bridezillas screaming at you for minor miscommunications like red roses instead of blood orange roses, or parents of the couple making ridiculous requests at the last possible minute like life-size ice sculpture replica of the happy couple?

It’s because of the moment that follows a mere two hours after your heart-to-heart with Minah. Where the crowd goes silent as the opening to Pachelbel’s Canon in D begins to weave through the air at the hands of the skilful string quartet hired to play for the wedding. Where Taehyung’s whole face changes, filled with hope and love and adoration and excitement. And where Minah steps onto the aisle, her eyes fixed straight ahead on the life she is about to start with the man she loves. That moment, that precise moment is why you love planning weddings and yet, for some reason you find yourself looking away in the moment.

You’re struck with the random thought: What is Jungkook doing, in this moment? How is he feeling, seeing his two best friends get married after all the torment he has endured? And as you slowly turn your head to find out, you are surprised to find him staring straight at you. His face lights up when his gaze meets you, and the smile he gives you makes an odd sensation fill your chest, like a tension in your lungs is giving way. Suddenly the air is clean and smooth as you breathe and a warmth spreads in your cold body, all the way from your heart to the tips of your fingers. A warm breeze flutters by and the warm scent of flowers fills your nostrils but rather than make you feel sick or nauseous, all you feel is a joyous warmth.

And if you’d ever had any doubts, in that moment you know it to be true: Jungkook loves you. You could get a blood test in that exact moment and you know what the results would be.

*Epilogue*

You and Jungkook are dancing together. At some point during the wedding reception, the two of you had drifted closer and closer until you’re now slow dancing together with matching smiles on your faces. Your arms are looped around Jungkook’s neck as he sways you back and forth and there is a warm, loving fondness in his eyes as you slowly loop around the dancefloor.

The whole time, Jin watches with a curious look on his face, sipping delicately from his water. Technically, he could have stayed overnight and saved himself the long, two-and-a-half-hour trip home he will have later tonight, but he feels like maybe he doesn’t deserve to stay. Or at least, he had felt like he hadn’t. But watching the two of you together, smiling privately at each other like you have a joke that no one else in the room is privy to, suddenly a weight is lifted off Jin’s chest. The burden of almost ruining your lives is finally gone, seeing the way you are finally happy together.

“You’re quiet.” Seri comments, sliding into the unoccupied seat beside Jin. He doesn’t remove his eyes from the dance floor. The two of you have paused your dancing to laugh over something with Taehyung and Minah.

“I’m just relieved.” He says simply. Seri smiles, turning to peek at Jin’s profile. He’s been oddly quiet at the office, ever since you vomited that petal, and it hasn’t felt right. She’s missed his unique sense of humour and the brightness and joy he brings to each day. Hopefully, after seeing you and Jungkook together, he’ll go back to that.

“I’m glad.” She says softly. “You haven’t been yourself.”

Jin turns his full attention to her then and offers her a cryptic smile.

“I haven’t. But I think I’m feeling more myself tonight. Thank you, by the way.” He says, ignoring her comment. “For helping them. I just messed things up, but you fixed everything- you got Jungkook to come clean, you managed to get Minah to tell you where Jungkook’s spare key was so (Y/N) could get into his apartment… clearly I should stand back and let you do all the matchmaking, in the future.” He says with a slight laugh. Seri smiles and shakes her head.

“I hope you’re finished with the matchmaking business for the rest of your life.” She says in a serious deadpan. But then a smile crosses her face. “But enough of that. This is a wedding- I want to dance. Are you going to join me or not?”

Jin nearly chokes on his water, completely thrown by what Seri is offering, before smiling widely and excitedly.

“I’ve been avoiding the dancefloor till now to avoid upstaging the bride and groom, but if you insist.” He cries, scrambling to his feet. “It’s time for all these plebs to learn why they call me Dancing King Seokjin!”

Seri rolls her eyes but follows Jin onto the dancefloor with a laugh. There’s the Seokjin that she knows and loves.

It’s a pity, though, that Jin is distracted then because he misses the sweetest moment between you and Jungkook for the night.

“We can finally have that talk now, huh?” Jungkook asks with a small smile, spinning you around with a flourish. You laugh as he does so, before he pulls you in close and throws you into a dramatic dip. “Where should we start?”

“We don’t have to tonight, you know.” You say seriously. “We have all the time in the world.”

“We do?” Jungkook asks, holding back a warm smile. You nod sincerely as he tugs your arms up to wrap once more around him. You lace your fingers together where they rest at the nape of his neck.

“Yeah.” You say with a soft, breathless smile. “We do. There’s no rush at all. I’ll get a blood test with you in a couple of days and we can go from there. I have a feeling I know what the results will be, but we don’t need an answer tonight. There’s no reason to rush ourselves.”

Jungkook nods and purses his lips together as he contemplates your words, before he smiles.

“Hmmm… I guess you’re right. We can just enjoy tonight for what it is.” He agrees. “But there is one reason we should rush ourselves.” He confesses guiltily. You’re surprised and you frown.

“What’s the reason?” You ask nervously. Mischief flashes in Jungkook’s eyes.

“This.” He says. His hands slide up and cup your face and his fingertips are warm and then he kisses you. Long and sweet and deep.

And he’s right- you do have all the time in the world, but there’s no sense in wasting a single second, right?

*Fin*

[thestupidhelmet]

What do you want to see more of in the fandom in general? Not even in fanfic just in a general sense. Ideas, behaviors, opinions you want there to be more of/less of, etc.?

Generally, I enjoy hearing/reading the different opinions of people in the T7S fandom spaces I participate in. But I do have an answer to your question.

1. Less vilification of Donna. A portion of the fandom misinterprets her treatment of Eric as abusive instead of recognizing how often she puts her own ego and feelings aside to protect his and how justified her anger at Eric is.when she does express it. Is she a perfect human being? No, but neither are any of the other T7S characters. Yet their behavior gets far less scrutiny than hers does. I’ve written extensive metas on this subject:

In Defense of Donna (an essay in eight parts). 

In Defense of Donna: Supplemental

In Defense of Donna (Yet Again) in Her Relationship with Eric

2a. Very rarely (like once every few years) I’ll encounter Kelso stans who rationalize away Kelso’s lies, cheating, and abuse toward Jackie (and anyone) while vilifying Hyde and Jackie’s characters individually (despite also shipping Jackie with Kelso). They make false equivalences between Kelso’s behavior and Jackie’s one kiss with Todd (and calling her a whore for dating Hyde then Fez) and Hyde’s treatment of Jackie (they often don’t even reference S8-Hyde, which would be a more understandable comparison) -- then claim what Jackie and Hyde did was far worse than what Kelso ever did.

When presented with facts from the show -- what the characters actually did and said -- these Kelso stans don’t back up their own assertions with facts (because the facts simply don’t back up their assertions). Instead, they “retaliate” by going on the attack, making unnecessarily personal and hostile insults toward the people who disagree with their interpretation and becoming generally disruptive in T7S fandom spaces.

Relevant metas:

False Equivalency: Kelso’s “Most Romantic Gesture” Toward Jackie

Cheating: Jackie and Kelso vs. Jackie and Hyde 

Hyde’s Protectiveness of Jackie vs. Kelso’s Unfaithfulness Toward Her

Jackie Kissing Todd “the Cheese Guy” and Kelso’s Reaction 

The History of Kelso’s Cheating on Jackie 

2b. Debates about any subject on the show should remain about the show. What happened in it, what didn’t happen. Period. People can have reasonable disagreements of interpretations based on facts. But when one party feels personally attacked when presented with assertions and facts one doesn’t like, that party should walk away from the debate.

3. People claiming characterization-X is canon when nothing in the show exists to support it or, further, when much in the show exists to disprove it. This is almost always about ships. I have no problem with people shipping whoever with whoever (with one caveat: squick ships). Just don’t say a romantic relationship is canon when it wasn’t or had the potential to be when it didn’t.

This has nothing to do with my personal feelings about any particular ship. It’s all about fidelity to the facts of the show. Even with the myriad interpretations the show offers through subtext, sometimes a banana is just a banana.

Here are two ships I’m not particularly fond of: Jackie/Fez and Eric/Jackie. The difference between them is that (long before season 8), Jackie/Fez had the potential to be canon while Eric/Jackie did not. So despite my dislike of a Jackie/Fez romance, enough happens in the show to support it as a canon possibility. That’s simply a fact.

But one of Jackie’s most consistent characterizations (even continued in season 8) is that she finds Eric sexually repulsive. She expresses this repeatedly, consistently, and in a variety of ways throughout the series. That romantic/sexual relationship ain’t gonna happen canonically, not without some major life-changing experiences post-show. Yet a portion of the fandom reads tsundere subtext into their antagonistic interactions where none exists. Eric treats Jackie the same as he does his sister, minus the slut-shaming, when his sister isn’t on the show.

The ship isn’t canon just because Jackie finds a tux for Eric that makes him appear as if he has shoulders (S6) and asks to talk to him on the phone when she’s in Chicago (S7). At best, they have canon good-friends potential.

And I also say, so what? Ship and let ship.

Relevant metas:

When a Romantic Relationship between Jackie and Fez Could’ve Started Organically and Why I Don’t Believe They’d Work as a Romantic Couple 

Jackie’s Interest in Fez 

My Thoughts on the Jackie/Eric Ship 

Jackie and Eric’s Potential as Friends

---

Those are the main things I can think of right now. And maybe that’s for the best. 😅

[ohblackdiamond]

liner notes/unused joke summaries for kiss fics (part iv)

Despite what my general dislike of the shift key and my tendency to mock all that I love might imply, I actually overthink everything I write to a great extent. I make no claims to these explanations being in any way enjoyable, but if you wanted to know what I was thinking while writing KISS fic… now you do. Part one can be found here. Part two is here. Part three is here. 

little t&a --If Paul had boobs, they would be big and Gene would want to grab them.

>>Title from a Rolling Stones song of the same name; most of the chapter titles are from another Stones song, “The Spider and the Fly.” I started it during quarantine as a means to occupy myself and destress, and didn’t initially plan on posting it at all. Once I’d written five chapters without having posted it or mentioned it to anyone, I figured, well, I guess this might as well go somewhere, so I put it up. I had the hope that it’d give me something to strive for during the stress of lockdown, and I’d assumed that I wouldn’t ever have that much time to devote to a story again.

There were a couple of things that really inspired me. I’ve always enjoyed sexswaps as a bit of a guilty pleasure, but wanted to do a different take on them-- there’s this tendency for sexswaps to either be wacky hijinks or an excuse to write particularly brutal noncon. There’s also a tendency for the sexswapped character to almost automatically start adopting stereotypically feminine traits he didn’t have prior, with no real reason for it. I wanted to try and avoid all that as much as possible.

... There’s also another tendency for the sexswapped character never getting back to normal, and I wanted to avoid that, too. I mean, c’mon, KISS is supposed to start the Love Gun tour a month after the fic. Paul can’t exactly pull the trigger of a love taco. (Maybe gently brush it a bit...)

I had Paul already cursed for five days at the start of the fic because I thought it would make things easier and allow the plot to advance more quickly. I also felt like it would give him more autonomy-- prior to Gene showing up, he has tried (albeit in small ways) to get a handle on what’s happened to him, and while he’s hermited it up, he hasn’t given up. Autonomy in general was pretty important for me re: Paul. (Incidentally, probably one of my favorite things about this fic is that Paul’s made that poor twelve-year-old kid on his bike buy him sanitary napkins.)

I wanted to explore a couple of other things, too, mostly rock and roll’s (and KISS’ in particular) pretty heinous treatment of women. Gene and Paul argue in the eighties that groupies know the score from the beginning, and even postulates that those relationships are more “honest” than just taking a girl out to dinner. They’re not alone in this (and, of course, as married men, these days they try not to discuss those times at all); almost every band/artist from around that time period will give you the same answer. “The girls know what they’re doing.” I think many of them did know. I also think many of them came into those hotel rooms expecting a lot more than they ever received, and I think plenty of girls ended up at the very least disappointed by their encounters, if not humiliated or worse.

I don’t know if this was successful, but I also wanted to at least try to poke a few holes in celebrity/idol worship as well. Carol’s scathing comments to Paul-- “they [fans] think there’s something you’ve got that they can get at, but there’s not” pretty heavily exemplify behavior I’ve seen at conventions, fan meet-ups, etc. At the end of the day, well, there’s no point in putting them on much of a pedestal. I dunno. I’ve seen some weird crap in the name of fan worship, in and outside of RPS. Keith Richards talks about it in his book-- girls urinating on themselves out of sheer nerves/excitement just at seeing the band, etc., which, while disturbing, had to have given them a sense of being something beyond ordinary (and act accordingly, of course).

I don’t know. I like them a lot, but I can’t hero-worship these guys; they don’t live in the real world. They’re not, ultimately, relatable or accessible despite the billions of photos, the twitter posts, the meet and greets-- any more than they were 40-odd years ago. I think there can be a real danger in thinking they are. I wanted to show that, too, but again, I don’t know if it came across properly.

One of the aspects I really struggled with was getting a good handle on Paul’s innately slippery sense of identity without it overtaking the story entirely. Gene’s very stable identity was a good foil, and it helped that most of “t&a” is from his point of view, rather than Paul’s.

Another place I faltered with was Paul’s outing alone at CBGB. The first draft had the guy in the club slip quaaludes into his drink, but I really didn’t like that at all and felt it took too much control away from Paul/punished him for going out on his own. I thought it’d be more interesting if Paul deliberately took what he knew was a dangerous combination (alcohol + quaaludes) in the hopes that would make him feel better about sleeping with someone he didn’t care about.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, having him do that (and the way the scene with the guy at the club ends) also meant that I couldn’t have him hop right into bed with Gene that night, either, so that accounts for some of the delaying. I was also really wanting to make sure in general that when Gene and Paul finally did go all the way, there wasn’t any feeling of being coerced or pressured. Not that Gene would do either of those things, but I didn’t want him or Paul to be doing it out of any feeling of obligation or hurry; I wanted it to be as natural as possible, under the circumstances. And I wanted, again, Paul’s dubious sense of self and Gene’s ambiguous feelings about Paul(’s boobs) to come into play-- yes, Paul, now you, too, can take Gene on the amazing technicolor dreamdate you’ve been fantasizing about for the last seven years! Or, you know, not. Overall, there are some pacing issues and the story slows down considerably after Gene takes Paul home from CBGB, but I like to hope that most of the scenes add something.

There were a couple of secondary plotlines that got scrapped because I couldn’t get them to fit well enough with the narrative. One of them was Paul’s very troubled relationship with his sister, Julia. There’s a fair amount of references to her scattered throughout, and Paul brings her up on several occasions, generally without much provocation, and generally at mildly odd moments (at Central Park and immediately after getting drawn by Gene being the standouts). There was an initial draft of the chapter in which Ace calls Paul, where Julia’s the one calling Paul instead (after having gotten his number from their parents). I wanted to at least get the start of a reconciliation going between them. Ultimately I scrapped it because I couldn’t get it to flow with the main plot and never felt like I’d ever explored it thoroughly enough for it to be worth a detour.

The comparison between Paul and Carol is pretty blatantly obvious, even in the narrative. Paul and Gene both recognize it (Gene, initially, when he notes that Carol doesn’t seem to belong at 54 any more than Paul does), and it makes them highly uncomfortable. (Mary-Anne, Carol’s friend, also notices it-- “she [Paul] reminds me of Carol. Just pitiful.”) They’re both very shy, insecure people that have thrust themselves into a world they’re not naturally suited for (show business) in order to achieve their own ends. They’ve both put great stock in a single person who helped them (inadvertently or not) during a dark time, and are driven by those feelings, despite knowing that person is out of reach.

Physically, they’re intentionally mostly opposite (Carol’s short, with a slight build, lighter hair, blue eyes, vs. Paul being, well, Paul-- tall, fuller build, black hair, brown eyes). But narratively speaking, neither of them are described as beautiful; “cute” and “kind of pretty,” sure, but nothing past that (except when Gene says it towards the end). That was important, too, for a couple of reasons. One, I wanted to further the comparison between them; two, I wanted to at least try and dispel the idea that all groupies were glamorous; many of them were rather ordinary-looking.

Paul not being “playboy material as a girl” was very deliberate. I feel like a lot of sexswaps tend to make the guy in question end up a ridiculously hot babe, which didn’t quite jive with what I was going for (not that I wanted Paul to end up awful-looking, but...). ... He’s probably hotter than he thinks he is though; at least, Gene didn’t mind at all, and Pete thought he was pretty. I wanted him to be recognizable if one knew where to look (face, body language). I didn’t want him to end up a tiny, frail-looking waif-- given what he looks like as a dude, that didn’t make sense to me. So this meant the less perfect attributes had to stay and carry over to a female body. He ended up with big boobs because... well, honestly because if he wasn’t going to end up with a great figure overall, he might as well have great boobs. And I mean, really, his chest’s already pretty all right as-is.

I didn’t want there to be a love triangle, but I did want it obvious, at least in an offhand way, that Peter and Paul had had sex (Ace mentions it in the car with Peter, with his “how long did it take you”). I wanted to incorporate Ace and Peter to as great an extent as possible in general.

Marbas is an actual demon from The Lesser Key of Solomon, although other than the few sentences Paul reads off from that grimoire, there’s not much more information on him to be found.