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thefinalkey16 · 5 years

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KH3 Re:Mind spoilers/Reactions

So Xemnas gave the order?? To find the box?? But why??

So did Xigbar actually lose the box? YOU HAD ONE JOB

Oh we’re starting HERE HUH

I forgot how pretty the graphics are

Why is Riku so pretty???

Nomura really went “this DLC is about SOKAI and I’m gonna make sure you KNOW IT.”

Nomura really cares about his ship and I appreciate it so much

LETS GO SAVE OUR GIRL!

Heck yeah REMIND TIME

I love the music in this game so much

YES WE GET MORE MOM

Why does MOM adopt smol children lol

It bothers me that MOM has no actual face behind the hood. It’s like Ansem’s original form

So Xehanort is where Xemnas’s confusion of the heart comes from lol

OH THIS IS PREMASTER XEHANORT

I’m sorry, Xehanort is more powerful than darkness?

I’m sorry MOM is too scared to take off the coat???

MOM is a psychology teacher who gets exasperated by his dumb students

OH THATS JUST RUDE NOMURA

LEMME KNOW HIS NAME

A lost..Master?

Well we know where Xehanort got the hands behind the back walk from

OOO A NEW THEME

OH I LOVE IT

I’m 100% sure that MOM told him his name was “Noneya,” and it took a few decades before he realized what he actually said

DID THEY TELEPORT TO LOOK COOL ON THE ROCKS

I’m sorry they have holograms??

Did they actually call him Riku Replica lol

Wait they were actually nobodies

XEMNAS AND XEHANORT WERE REPLICAS?

“Why we have assembled here,” because Xemnas and Sora destroyed your sick castle

Poor Terra got possessed TWICE?

Demyx! You get Demyx!

I’m sorry 20??

No. I

Oh so they don’t actually remember Xion

Does.. does Xigbar remember Xion?

Wow they got Vexen just to get his daughter in their gang. How rude

Xehanort fell asleep while they chatted I’m cackling

Crazy old man

Now when do I get to save Kairi? :3c

YAY ITS TIME

YAY ITS CHIRITHY TIME

ITS MY SMOL KITTY

“Back so soon?”=you died again?? You’re lame

Chirithy is a mood

Sora you watched your GF get shattered

Oh so that’s why Sora dies

IS SORA SAILOR PLUTO

Oh my god he’s Sailor Pluto

Lose powers? He’s done that so many times 😂

Getting banned from one world? He had a phone and friends with gummi ships lol

ARE WE GONNA SEE EVERONES HEART STATION??

NOOO VEN That still hurts to watch

AWW SORA TRIED TO CATCH HIM

Wow he’s a ghosty ghost

Oh I love Ven’s heart station so much

Wow Vanitas really said that Ven is Baby

YAS GIMME VANITAS

Also wow Vanitas is protecting Ven’s heart and I love that

OH NO NOT THIS GUY

I beat him by using Meow Wow. meow wow is best boy

Oh no oh no it’s this pet

Gotta love Big Bro Lea

I forgot they call him Axel

ITS THE HUG

It’s Donald’s Safrifice ;-;

Donald Really channeled his inner Molly Weasley and said “Not my son you WITCH.”

WASTED

Also aw Sora got to see what Donald did for the first time

AQUA’S STATION IS SO PRETTY

Poor Aqua ;-; this is the moment where everyone hates her for

Also aww she trusts Kairi to protect them

We love Big Sis Aqua

YES WE GET ANTI AQUA FIGHT AGAIN

NAMINEEEEE

I’m literally screaming and I scared my grandma

Oh my god She lost Kairi and she immediately went to Sora cause she knew she’d be safe there ;-;

Namine’s Really here bringing everyone together

Agsisgsjdg I forgot Terra can do the keyblade whip thing lol

AND the cannon

Wow they’re really fighting in the sky

Anyone else getting Star Wars vibes

AWW HE JUST WANTS TO PROTECT HIS FAMILY

I still hate Terra’s pants

Imagine your heart crushing your body. Like really

NO LINGERING WILL

HECK YEAH SORA YOU KICK THEIR BUTT

Wow Sora you’re so cocky

LINGERING WILL NO

OH MY GOD

I forgot that Marluxia is an Ouran Host Club character

Wait, that Mickey finisher was new, wasn’t it?

Okay but I still have no idea what Xemnas did to Luxord

Cards: *Appear*

Sora: PTSD from watching his friends get destroyed from the cards in the manga

Mickey: *is captured*

Sora: PTSD intensifies

I’m really happy that we get to replay all of the Organization battles, they’re so much fun!

I’m so soft for Replinami ;-;

He loves her so much, and all he wants is for her to be safe and happy ;-;

Ven: we aren’t the same. You’re Edgy. I’m Baby

Aqua when Sora appears: TWO Baby’s :0

“If I’m a traitor, then Kairi’s the trump card.” LEA DRINKS RESPECT KAIRI JUICE

Aww Kairi’s so confused. She doesn’t see how she could be a trump card ;-;

HE STRAIGHT UP FLEXED

AWW XION REMEMBERS

Ohhh Isa’s jealous.

YES THW CHAKRAMS

LETS GO

Jealousy mode has been activated in Isa

WHAT WAS THAT RUN

OH MY GOD THAT SCREAM

YES KAIRI GO

PROTEXT YOUR BRO

“Yup” Kairi really just wants this over with so she can go home 😂

The way Kairi’s face lights up at seeing Sora gives me life.

Wow Xemnas was really hurt by Axel’s betrayal. Frankly? I’m shocked.

XION’S HAND IS SMOKING

HER HAND IS BURNING BECAUSE SHES GRABBING THE BLADE

Xemnas does NOT drink Respect Xion juice

ROXAS KEPT XION’S MEMORIES SAFE INSIDE HIM

AND SHE HAS HER FACE BECAUSE HE GAVE THEM BACK TO HER

Lea cares about the small girls he adopted as his little sisters

AWW THE THREE OF THEIR HEARTS ARE CONNECTED

NO XION ISNT ON HIS HEART ANYMORE

YES KAIRI’S HERE TO KICK BUTT

Wow Nomura really got tired of people dissing Kairi so he amped her up with cool stuff

“Oh? Tired of Kairi not doing anything?” Heres her literally overpowering Xemnas and him having to restrain her with a stop spell and magic to stop her

KAIRI IS THE SCARLET WITCH AND XEMNAS IS THANOS

Oh and in case you think she’s weak? Here’s the same thing for Sora too.

God I love Nomura

Oh my god she’s in so much pain because of the darkness

OH MY GOD SHES IN SO MUCH PAIN BECAUSE OF THE DARKENSS

SORA LITERALLY FAINTED AFTER 2 SECONDS BUT KAIRI’S HOLDING ON OH MY GOD THE STRENGTH

OOOOOOOO ROXAS TIME

The MUSIC

THEIR ATTACK IS CALLED “THINKING OF YOU” BECAUSE THEY REMEMBERED XION I CANT

I can not believe i was forced to relive watching Kairi die

SHE WAS CRYSTALLIZED?? SHES NOT DEAD??

I love Donald and Goofy so much ;-;

They aren’t gonna leave their son alone

Also wow Xehanort was just staring there forever

I FORGOT WE GET TO EXPLORE SCALA :D

KAIRI?!?!

Getting KH1 vibes with this

“The heartless that is radiating light” how is that possible??

Okay but this is such a good parallel to the first game, with him saving Kairi ;-;

Except for the fact that HEARTLESS SORA DIDNT GET BEAT UP

Okay so her heart is a thassala shell. Will we have to collect the pieces to make her wayfinder?

Oh my god I see the thing at the top of the screen. We totally are making her wayfinder ;-;

THAT MEANS SHE LITERALLY GAVE HIM HER HEART SO HE COULS RETURN IT TO HER OH MY GOOOOD

Okay so I love the puzzles they have here

XEHANORT?!

I’m sorry you hid her heart? What are you, five?

What do you MEAN almost out of time?!

OH NO KINGDOM HEARTS

Oh no not these guys again

So many keyholes

IM SORRY IS THIS WIZARD OF OZ

Oh my god Lea is so overwhelmed lol

SGAKSSGE ROXAS CAUGHT XION

Okay so for the team ups, I love how all of them were mix and matched from the trio’s

I loved Terra and Riku, the Master and apprentice

I loved Ven, Roxas, and I can’t remember who else was in it. “Thanks Roxas.” “Youre welcome. You’re not too bad yourself.” THAT WAS ADORABLE

Xion, Aqua and Mickey being mages and protecting everyone

Aqua and Lea, him trying to talk and Aqua telling him to shut up and focus

MICKEY’S STRUGGLE TO SAVE HIS FRIENDS BROKE MY HEART

We now present: Kingdom Hearts 3: connect he dots

Connect. Connect the dots. Get it?

KAIRI’S HEART MADE A FLOWER

THE KH2 THING

“SORA :D”

THEIR HUG

HE JUST HOLDS HER CLOSE

TIME FOR PLAYABLE KAIRI BABBYYYYYYY

“I can do this.” YES YOU CAN

I’m sorry you think I want to play as Sora? After waiting my whole life to play Kairi? HA

KAIRI IS THE MOST POWERFUL

Seven wishes saved me in that fight

ONE HEART

THEY HAVE ANGEL WINGS

OKAY YALL HAD YOUR SORIKU ATTACK NOW WE GOT SOKAI :D

Now we just need Rikai and Sorikai and it’ll be complete ^^

AGSKSGSKDGSJS CHIRITHY

“I was trying to give you some privacy” awwww

CHIRITHY IS CRYING

THEYRE GOING ON DATES

Chirithy has my soul and I love it

Every scene with Chirithy adds 7 years to my life

Afsjsgsajg Sora DONT PUSH THE CAT

NAMINE

THEY WERE THERE TO FREE HER HEART

Aaand he’s gone and I’m crying again

LIMITCUT EPISODE TIME BABBYYYY

GAJSGSJDG RIKU AND TERRA ARE TOGETHER

Oh my god Riku and Terra being bro’s are my favorite thing

Wait what are they gonna do

ARE THEY SEALING THE WORLD

OH MY GOD THE ARMOR

HOW DARE THEY NOT SHOW US THE FRONT PARTS

OH they’re going to search for Sora!

IS RIKU IN CHARGE OF THE LAND OF DEPARTURE

ONE YEAR???

Agajsgsjdg MERLINS HOUSE

CLOUD

PRETTY BOY

YUFFFIIEEE

AERIITH

CID

OH MY GOD THE GANGS ALL TOGETHER

THEY WENT TO THE REALM OF DARKNESS WHAT

“The Twilight Town gang” ITS OFFICIAL

OH NO WHAT HAPPENED TO KAIRI

WHY DOES HE LOOK SAD

NO WHATS GOING ON WITH KAIRI

They’re searching her heart?

SHES BEEN ASLEEP FOR A YEAR?!

Riku’s been all ALONE

DATA SORA??

Battalion oh my god lol

I’m mad about Kairi being asleep for a year though

AGSJSGS WE GET TO EXPLORE

Wow. A video game inside of a video game

I spent the rest of the day failing the Data battles and making funny Data Greeting pictures. Hopefully I’ll be better st the battles tomorrow!

#KH3RemindSpoilers #kh3spoilers #KH Re:Mind #kh commentary

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fleeting-phantasm-blog · 8 years

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Trick Question: An Undyne & Papyrus Friendship Fic

(A second version of the post without the gift recipient tagged / my obnoxious yammering--for a cleaner reblogging experience :3c .)

Rating: G, All Ages (occasional language) Characters: Undyne & Papyrus Genre: Friendship, Fluff AO3 Link: Right here~

Summary: Guard Captain Undyne is used to taking new recruits under her fins—so much so, that she’s gotten pretty good at discerning what type of soldier the greenhorns are likely to become even long before they’ve finished basic training! But when Undyne throws her latest student for a loop, he, in turn, throws all of her expectations right out the window. Whoopsy doopsy! (Gift for Tumblr user “battz” as part of the Undertale Dating Sim team’s secret santa exchange :3)

Let me start off by saying I’ve learned two very important things recently: 1. That my never-ending patience actually ends after midnight; and 2. When opened with enough force, my front door can launch a fully-grown monster a distance of about a hundred meters—give or take.

…

Okay, maybe add a third to the list: Skeletons are just as durable as they are persistent.

* * *

If someone wants to join the Royal Guard but feels they need a little extra help preparing for the intense entry process, the Underground has tons of options they can take advantage of if they so choose. We’ve got dojos, cram schools, personal trainers, you name it—each and every one licensed and verified by yours truly.

It used be that the Captain of the Royal Guard never got involved this early on, but I fixed that real quick. The Captain should be personally aware of everything at every stage, and they should be both accessible and approachable in case a problem shows up. Like, if there’s an issue at one of the prep schools, or if recruitment numbers suddenly take a nosedive, then that means something’s gotta change—possibly at a very basic or public level. And who better to kick start that change (or prevent the problem from happening in the first place) than the one who, basically, should be the most public face in the entire Guard.

At least, that’s what I think.

To this end, I’ve personally sat in on junior training exercises and given lectures; I’ve dined with recruits who passed the entrance exams on their very first try, and I’ve shared drinks with those who failed ten times in a row—but, dammit, let’s knock back a few and forget for a bit, ya hear?! I’ve also sat down with dozens of ordinary citizens who, though not shooting for anything like the Royal Guard, were just plain sick of the way their lives were going and wanted to turn things around.

I guess what I’m trying to say with all this is that even though I’ve earned an “official” title that affords me a lot of “official” privileges, I’m not about to turn my nose up to the average Joe. The Captain’s duties should go way beyond the fancy suit of armor, and I’m going to make sure it stays that way long after I’ve passed the position on and become a crotchety old pile of dust.

…That said, though, this is the first time over the course of my entire career that I’ve had the pleasure of working with someone of Papyrus’s—what’s the word—magnitude? This guy had the brass balls to bypass every proper, kingdom-accredited training method and bring his (nonstop) requests for “personal Guard preparation” straight to me. No hesitation. No concern for schedules, socially acceptable phone call hours, or even personal space. Rain or shine, there he was—a bony bundle of enthusiasm.

So when Papyrus unsurprisingly bounced back from his 3AM express trip across my lawn care of my front door, I don’t know if it was more exhaustion, admiration, or an overwhelming sense of concern for his well being that finally made the Captain of the Underground’s Royal Guard throw in the towel.

“Alright,” I said. “If you think you can handle it, I’ll run you through the ropes myself.”

And, covered in the muck of Waterfall, his smile could have powered a city.

* * *

I’d like to say Papyrus showed up bright and early for his first session, but that’d be a lie: He never left. I guess camping out in the yard was way more efficient than walking the short distance to and from Snowdin, and “A future Royal Guardsman has to be as efficient as possible. Right, *~*~*Captain Undyne*~*~*??”

I made my coffee extra strong that morning.

Once our start-time rolled around, I stepped out of my house to find Papyrus ready and waiting—albeit, looking all sorts of goofy with his chest puffed to his chin and his arms firmly glued to his sides.

“You can relax a little,” I told him. “This is off-record. I prefer getting to know people without all the stuffy formalities.”

“Yes, Captain Undyne! Right away!” But of course he didn’t relax until I realized he wanted me to say “at ease,” and when I did, he giggled the whole way out of his special form of attention as if it was the best thing he had heard in his life. Then, blatantly ignoring everything I had just said about formalities, he promptly asked, “Captain Undyne? Permission to inquire as to why you are not wearing your armor if we’re going to be sparring?”

“Uh… granted?”

“Why are you not wearing your armor if we’re going to be sparring?” The dude was seriously raring to go, his weight bouncing slightly from leg to leg like some kind of boxer on a sugar high.

“Slow your roll, there,” I said with a laugh. “If you wanna pass the entrance exams, then there’s more you gotta worry about than just the physical.” From under the crook of my arm, I pulled out a ratty old folder filled to bursting with a whirlwind of papers. “You see, a good Guardsman not only knows how to fight, but when to fight, why to fight, and even if to fight. The twenty-page written exam makes sure all our candidates are aware of this—along with knowing a bunch of Underground laws and other general information. We’re gonna start with that so we can get it out of the way. Just think of it like… pulling a tooth, or something. Painful but necessary.”

Yet, when I tried to give the documents to Papyrus, he held up a hand and politely refused.

“Oh, I’ve heard tall tales about that dreaded test,” he said. “But I can assure you, Captain Undyne, that you won’t need to waste even a second of your precious time on helping me study. I’m a walking encyclopedia when it comes to the Royal Guard.”

Classic greenhorn confidence. Seen it a million times.

“Really now.” I challenged. “Then how ‘bout I ask you a few questions just to make sure?“

Contained within the folder I brought were all sorts of documents I had saved over the years: copies of Guard reports and case files, a few book scans, lists upon lists of various laws and definitions. It was a great big pile of organized chaos that I not only used as a constant reference but also willingly shared if one of my units was struggling with some of the more… technical aspects of the job. Some of it you could find in textbooks; others you’d have to go digging through the bowels of the courts to snag even a scrap. For a solid fifteen minutes, Papyrus and I went back and forth, with me tossing out what I thought were the most impossible questions I could find in an attempt to catch that rookie’s pluckiness of his off-guard.

“That’s an easy one, Captain Undyne! The Magic Conservation Act was signed into law by our very own King Asgore Dreemurr, in the Year of Our Dog 19XX.”

Okay, good, he got the year right. Most people miss that.

“Anti-Human Directive 10? That depends: Do you mean the original or the amended second edition?”

Wait, there’s a second edition?

“The Research Division? Why, that’s a special squad assigned to escort the Royal Scientist during important, castle-mandated fieldwork.”

Hang on, that’s not even public knowledge. I formed that group last week because I was worried about Alphys!

I slapped the folder shut, stunned. “Well, roll me up in rice and serve me with a side of soy sauce.”

“Did I win?!” Papyrus chimed. “Permission to ask if we can spar now, Captain Undyne?”

Somehow, by the grace of whatever crazy being drives this world, Papyrus answered every single Dogdamn question correctly. I didn’t know if I should shake his hand or file for a restraining order. Still, if he was so eager to jump into the fray, then I needed to be absolutely sure of something—that he knew the most important answer of all.

“Listen,” I said. “The reason you’re doing all this is so you can become a Royal Guard, right? You wanna get a cool suit of armor, make a name for yourself, maybe kick a few humans in the keister?” Papyrus nodded with so much vigor, I thought his skull would fall off. “Then, before you can even think of crossing spears with me, I need you answer one last question.” His nod that time was a bit slower. His expression grew solemn, showing that he understood this was important. “Papyrus, what is a Royal Guard?”

“What is a…” He tilted his head to the side, brows drawing together as he mouthed the question.

“…Royal Guard,” I repeated, assuring him that I did, indeed, ask the question correctly. “The individual, not the group—if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Right. Yes. That’s… what I was wondering. Thank you, Captain Undyne.” Papyrus’s voice trailed off into a mumble. He looked to the cavern walls, tapping the ground with a foot as the two halves of his jaw ground together in thought. There was honestly something deeply satisfying watching him fish for a response after he conquered my Q&A session. Finally, after some intense contemplation, he found one—or, rather, a series of them: “A Royal Guard is… someone employed by the Royal Guard? Wait, no. A Royal Guard is a living extension of our king’s righteous paw! Or, well, I suppose you could say that about a lot of things. A Royal Guard is—I’ve got this, Captain Undyne, I swear—is someone who has passed stringent tests and is officially licensed, under royal decree….”

And so on, and so on.

Once Papyrus realized his twisty little spaghetti strand of answers wasn’t getting him anywhere, he stopped talking and just kinda stared at me. Then, all at once, the confidence he built up over the course of the afternoon deflated from his body.

“I’m sorry, Captain Undyne. I guess I… I don’t know the answer to that.” He slumped over so far his voice was muffled in that weird costume of his. The poor guy probably thought he just ruined everything. I couldn’t help but walk over and give him an encouraging pat on the back.

“Well, that’s no good,” I said. “It’s hard to become something if you don’t even know what it is. Still, you’ve got time to figure it out. Study up, and see if you can find the answer. Once you do, we’ll move on to some actual sparring, okay?”

This time, when I handed him the folder, he actually took it.

* * *

Anytime I train someone, I’m reminded of what Alphys once said: The more you observe something, the more you start to notice patterns in its behavior, which then makes it easier for you to form a hypo- … hippoth- … Basically, you hang around something long enough, you get better at predicting what it’s gonna do.

For folks like Papyrus, experience has told me that I have to be a little careful when working with them. I’ve seen his personality type before: a naïve go-getter filled with all sorts of shiny fairy tale dreams that he hopes to live out if he gets into the Guard—which is fine; I’ve got some pretty faffy dreams myself. It’s just, when it comes to his particular type of personality, I’ve learned over the years that their spirits tend to, well, wilt when the going gets tough. Not always, but often enough. That’s not to say they don’t make excellent soldiers, though. The ones who’ve made it through and come out on top are some of the best damn Guards I’ve had ever had the honor of working with. They have this goodness inherent in them that’s getting more and more difficult to find these days.

Unfortunately, in this line of work, that genuine goodness is also getting more and more difficult to keep. When folks like Papyrus join up and realize what real Royal Guard life is all about—when “niceness” becomes “weakness”, when they’re constantly faced with the worst of society… with all the injustices in the world that don’t have easy answers (if any at all)—then that goodness starts to falter. Give it enough time, it rots into bitterness and then anger, even hatred. I’ve seen it mark the faces of many of our veterans. I’ve even struggled with it myself.

That is exactly why I didn’t want Papyrus to jump in to combat training as quickly as he had been hoping—and, probably, why I didn’t agree to train him right away. The most I knew about him before all this began was what I had heard from his brother, Sans, and even that was enough for me to form a conclusion. That first day of training only solidified it: Papyrus is too good. Too nice. In the most beautiful, wonderful sense, Papyrus absolutely does not belong on a battlefield, and I will be damned before I put him there.

I thought starting with the written portion of the entry exam would give Papyrus a good idea of what we do and how I work before he got a taste of the real serious stuff. My plan was to spend a week or two drilling him with questions, grilling him for every wrong answer, and ensuring he learned his stuff through the only way the Guard knows how to teach it—with no punches pulled. Maybe then he would realize, before he got too invested, that this might not be the life for him. That he could back out with no hard feelings and discover a ton of other options just waiting for someone like him.

Then, his uncanny knowledge of Royal Guard matters both public and highly top secret oh my god flushed that idea. Immediately after Papyrus’s first session, I found myself scrambling for a new plan of action.

I needed to know more. If I could learn more about him, maybe find out some of the things he liked to do, I could sort of… nudge him away from the Guard.

Maybe.

I was never good at subtlety, but it was worth a shot.

So, that week turned from “Let’s Learn About the Royal Guard” to “Let’s Learn About Papyrus Instead”—under the guise of teaching him more about the Guard, of course. One day, I took him for a tour of the castle grounds. The next, I showed him around the barracks. The day after, we grabbed a bite to eat at a popular Royal Guard pub in New Home. The whole time, I took a backseat during our conversations and let Papyrus do what Sans said he does best—talk about himself.

And, wouldn’t you know it, it worked.

“You’ll find that my magic is kind of like yours, Captain Undyne, in that it mostly takes the form of projectiles. You’ll also find that it’s not like yours in that it’s really popular with certain … canine types. I’m not sure why.”

“…So, there they were, trying to gang up on Sans. But then—and this is the best part, Captain Undyne—then came the Great Papyrus! Wham! Bam! Thank you, ma’am! We never saw those troublemakers again.”

“…And that was third time I had to swoop in and prevent a giant brawl. All because he was too lazy to give up his special seat at the bar. Can you believe that, Captain Undyne? Who knows what might’ve happened had the Great Papyrus not been there? Sheesh!”

Outside of his countless tales of personal heroism, (all of which held about as much water as Hotland), a common trend across Papyrus’s discussions was his brother…

“Let me be the first to apologize for Sans’s laziness, Captain Undyne. Once I become a Royal Guard, I swear I’ll work three times as hard to make up for his churning void of inactivity.”

…And that got me thinking. Clearly, Papyrus was the type who loved to do things for others. Sure, he complained when “others” meant “Sans”, but it was obvious he still got a kick out of it beneath all his grumbling. If I could steer him towards something like that… something like cooking… cleaning… some kind of job that allowed him to use his talents for the sake of others… then….

It was towards the end of the week that Papyrus gave me back the folder I loaned him.

“I’m sorry, Captain Undyne,” he said. “I read everything in here front-to-back, but I’m afraid I still couldn’t find the answer to your question. And while these conversations have been incredibly enlightening, they, too, have led me no closer to the truth.”

I chuckled. “Well, it’s not exactly an easy question.”

“To say the least. You’ve posed a real stickler, Captain Undyne. A puzzle capable of japing even me! But, if it means you’ll train me in Royal Guard combat, then the Great Papyrus will never give up.” He flashed a confident smile. “So, I talked to some of the Guards myself to see what they thought.”

As it turns out, during the times we weren’t hanging out, Papyrus was running around asking every damn Guard he could find what they thought it meant to be a Guard, and when he pulled out a list of responses that unfurled all the way to the ground, some teeny tiny part of me might have started to think that maybe there was a better way of doing this.

“Were… any of those the right answer, Captain Undyne?” Papyrus asked, once he had read off each and every one. “Don’t tell me it was ‘Bark’ the whole time. Otherwise, I may have to rethink my opinion of Lesser Dog.”

And although I had suddenly learned more about my own guards in the past hour than I had over years of working with them, all I could do was shrug. Papyrus still didn’t get it.

“P-permission to ask for a hint?” His face was the picture of disappointment.

“Do you get hints in the heat of battle?”

“…Yes?”

I shook my head with a laugh. “Chin up and keep working, Papyrus.”

* * *

That weekend, my routine patrol turned up some disturbing news. Papyrus refused to leave his house.

“Eh, sometime yesterday he started moping around. It got so bad, I actually had to go out and buy our groceries. He’s giving even my laziness a run for its money.” Sans’s signature grin only widened, as if this behavior of his brother’s wasn’t something incredibly worrying. “But I always knew he’d grow into his true calling. He’s kind of a late bloomer.”

With that frightening thought in mind, I marched myself right over Papyrus’s place and pounded on his front door. Once, twice, three times. Yet there was no answer.

“Papyrus?” I called. Still no response. Is he in his room? I rounded the back of the house and peered up. A shadow moved behind the second floor window of Papyrus’s bedroom. Bingo. I balled up a wad of snow in my gloves and tossed as lightly as I could. Sure enough, the hefty thump was loud enough to draw a bony white face to the glass.

“Captain Undyne?” Papyrus opened the window a smidge. “What are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you the same thing,” I said. “What’s going on? Sans says you’re being quite the lazybones.”

“What? That is not true!”

I shrugged. “Well, whatever it is, it’s weird and it worries me, so I’m not leaving until you come out.” He made as if to protest, but I cut him off. “Papyrus, I’m wearing four layers and am fully trained in survival tactics. Also, there’s a general store down the street. I will wait as long I have to.”

He couldn’t win, and I think he knew it. With a sigh that fogged up the glass, Papyrus disappeared from his window. Not a minute later, I heard the front door open, and I met him on the porch. Dude was a mess. I mean, dark circles under his eye sockets, definitely-did-not-sleep kind of mess. The whole thing gave me a prickle of déjà vu.

“You were thinking about that question again, weren’t you?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Papyrus seemed to fold against the doorframe. “Captain Undyne, should I really be aiming for the Royal Guard, when I, apparently, don’t even know what a Royal Guard is?”

Oh. Oh boy. Here we go.

Well, it was what I wanted, wasn’t it?

But I didn’t think he’d be this upset!

He really put his all toward this, didn’t he?

What was I thinking?

I…

“Follow me,” I said. “Class is taking an emergency field trip.” When Papyrus didn’t budge, I pulled out my trump card. “Captain’s orders.”

* * *

At the garbage dump between Waterfall and Hotland, there’s a particular place I like to go to whenever life gets me down and I just need a good think. It’s a small hill overlooking the cascades made up of a bunch of appliances that have all rusted together into one big pile of Dog-only-knows what. It’s just close enough to the tourist-y parts to let me keep an eye on everyone while still far enough away to provide a little bit of peace. It’s where I first saw Alphys.

It’s also where I took Papyrus.

Carefully, I hoisted myself up onto what was left of a washing machine. Papyrus plopped down next to me and, staring at his lap, sat there absentmindedly kicking his legs in the air. You could practically see the rain cloud hovering over his head.

“Permission to ask…” He stopped himself. “Um, why are we at the dump, Captain Undyne?”

“So you can see what a Royal Guard is,” I said. “At least, to me.” That seemed to perk him up. He straightened slightly.

“What do you—”

“—Hey, close your eyes, listen for a bit, and tell me what you hear.”

Papyrus did so. “Well, okay. Let’s see … I hear the sounds of the river. I hear bits of trash falling into the water. Oh! I also hear the Great Papyrus.”

“Anything else?”

He listened again for a minute. “…Kids. I think I hear kids.”

Sure enough, a group of tiny voices—the usual crowd of mischief-makers; I could tell—gradually rose above the din of the dump.

“Whoa, check this thing out!”

“What is it?”

“It looks like one of those human game machines. Yeah, see? You use these buttons to move what’s on the screen.”

“Does it work?”

“I dunno. They probably wouldn’t have thrown it out if it did. I can ask my cousin. He knows all about this kind of stuff because he uses lightning magic.”

“But wait, we don’t have any games to go with it.”

“Oh yeah. Well, maybe there’s some nearby. Let’s keep looking.”

The kids carried on like that for a good while, buzzing with excitement over all the things they had found. It was only after they had gone did I turn to Papyrus again. “What do you make of that?”

“Sounds like they were having fun.”

I nodded. “Right? But isn’t it a little strange? I mean, think of where all this stuff came from.”

“…From humans,” said Papyrus.

“Exactly. The very things that killed our ancestors, drew us into an unwinnable war, and then stuffed us all into the Underground. The very things that, even though we haven’t seen one in-person for years—thank Dog—are still part of our society.” I held my arm out over the mountains of trash. “They’re in our classrooms, textbooks, and museums. They’re in our picture books, our TV shows, our homes. They’re even in the far corners of our dreams. For what it’s worth, those kids shouldn’t want to associate with this stuff at all. They should be scared of it. But they’re not. And you know why?” I stood up on the washing machine and gave Papyrus the best grin I could muster. “Because they know they don’t have to be; the Guard will protect them.” I took a breath. “There’s no telling how long we’ll be stuck down here, so the best thing we can do is make sure everyone sleeps soundly today without having nightmares about tomorrow. That, to me, is a Royal Guard: someone who keeps even boogiemen away.”

Papyrus had grown quiet. I wasn’t sure if he was just listening—or if he was surprised, stunned into silence, or what—but his expression, unreadable though it might have been, told me he was hinging on my every word. So, I went on.

“You see, you can memorize facts and protocol until your brain bleeds, master every fighting style known to monster, work your way up to a spot higher than that of even the King … but it all means jack if it doesn’t serve a purpose; if you don’t have a reason, a goal, something that gets you up in the morning and pushes you to do what you do even when every fiber in your body is telling you to stop. For a Royal Guard, well, that’s what makes a Royal Guard.” I gave him a nudge with my elbow. “And that is something you have to define for yourself, Papyrus. Nobody else can tell you the answer.”

Having said what I wanted to say, I took a breath and let my words sink in. Before Papyrus got too involved, before he decided to throw his life—his goodness—out into an uncaring world, I needed him to fully understand: A Royal Guard is what he makes of it…but it shouldn’t be about the gear, the status, the parties, the semi-legal ability to use semi-lethal force… It should be something greater than himself, greater than even the Great Papyrus.

“I’ve got it.” Papyrus’s voice wrenched me from my thoughts. “I know what a Royal Guard is!” He stood up and, once again striking that dorky pose with his hands on his hips, proclaimed to the Underground, “A Royal Guard is someone who makes the world a little safer for those who are small and don’t have a lot of HP!”

That… was quick. I whistled through my fangs. “Nice! I dig it. A ‘protect the weak’ kind of person? That’s totally you, Papyrus!”

He fidgeted and flushed straight to his forehead. “W-well, I don’t know if I’d necessarily say ‘weak’. On the contrary, Sa—”

Unfortunately, the sudden addition of Papyrus’s full weight, coupled with his now excited jitteriness, had loosened the washing machine’s age-old hold on the mountain of trash. With the explosive creaking of corroded metal, our former seat sent us tumbling to the ground atop an avalanche of household appliances.

Again, like I said before, skeletons are just as durable as they are persistent. Fortunately, the same can be said of fish as well. Soaked in nasty water and garbage, and surrounded by a mob of concerned onlookers, we laughed and laughed until we realized our guts hurt not from laughter but from possible internal bleeding.

* * *

As we walked back from the dump that day—two bruised and bandaged peas in a pod—Papyrus had his head tilted to the sky, and his steps seemed doubly as sure of themselves. Yet, watching him saunter about in that overblown stride of his, I got the strangest sense that, for the first time in a long time, Papyrus had finally, truly begun to relax.

Now, if only he could teach me how to do that.

Not gonna lie, I was still worried about him. Like some neurotic, different-species mother, I knew deep down I was gonna worry about him and that brilliant goodness of his ‘til the day I was six feet under. But, I also knew that if I stuck to him like glue, if I became the best Captain I could be…

No, wait, scratch that last bit…—

“Hey, Papyrus? Before we start your training proper, I need you to do one last thing for me.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I’m ready for another tough question just yet, Captain Undyne.”

“It’s not that, ya dork. I need you call me ‘Undyne’. No more of this ‘Captain’ stuff, okay?”

“…”

“Remember what I said? Formalities get in the way of getting to know people. I mean, unless you call all your friends ‘Captain’ because, if so…”

“What?! No, not at all! It’s just, you really want to be my… friend?”

“Why not? I think we make a pretty cool team.”

“B-but I’m not a Guardsman yet! I haven’t been trained in honorable combat! I haven’t even—”

“—Papyrus.”

“Yes, Capta-, er, Undyne?”

“Permission to be your friend?”

“P-p-p-p-permission granted!!”

…—If I became the best Friend I could be…Then, maybe, I wouldn’t have to worry about him quite as much.

#next day reblog #(well maybe not technically lol)#(it was supposed to be but I forgot pffff)#undertale #undyne #papyrus #trickquestion

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