#They have been on my PC for months if not years so
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Sorry for all the text posts lately but I wanted to say thank you to the anon(s) that gave the super super generous tips a few days ago! Yall are single-handedly funding my pc upgrade OTL I'm so excited to actually have a computer that can run animation/video editing/streaming programs without freezing ;;;;;;
#over the last two months i've been slowly ordering new parts to replace my super old ones#new case/ssd/psu/cpu cooling/case fans/gpu/keyboard#in particular i haven't upgraded my case and gpu in like ten years and last year i could only afford to get a new cpu and mobo#i thought i wouldn't be able to afford everything till the end of this year but now it's like i'll be done by march ;;#ITS GONNA ALL BE PINK/BLACK/WHITE IM IN MY EGIRL CUTE PC ERA#its the first time im getting a case with a glass panel so you can see in so i want it to be pretty#missusruin talks about things#delete later#ALSO AGAIN LIKE#THEY WERE REALLY BIG TIPS SO I FEEL GUILTY NOT GIVING ANYTHING IN RETURN SO#if you ever want a commission spot please message me whenever otl#hidden at the bottom of this ill mention i have a twitch i rarely stream drawing on#i think i've only mentioned it on patreon but now yall know#its under missusruin same as everywhere
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the way i still haven't finished baldur's gate three <3
#i mean i haven't been able to bc my computer broke#and i haven't been able to buy a new one for months#(but soon hopefully!!)#all my saves are obviously lost so that's fun <3#so idk when i will have the energy to set it up again once i get a new pc tbh#i think i really want to get coral island first#maybe also play the pathfinder games i've had waiting for a year LMAO#💬 chatter
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happy sonic sunday <3
#my art#fanart#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sonic fanart#artist on tumblr#sonic art#digital art#sonic gijinka#gijinka#blacktober#blacktober 2023#i totally didnt have my laptop break and so this file totally hasnt been on my bricked pc since the 1st of this month#and i totally wasnt planning on posting throughout the month and hitting moe sonic characters with the black beam#:)#next year i suppose
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hahahhahhahaha. what a week huh.
#i made this like. a month and a half ago? but it seems like a good choose from the drafts for This super fun update:#my less than a year old ipad is now! broken!#because of course it is!!!!!#of course!!!#literally cannot open my drawing app (or instagram) or access any of my files or make anything new!!#i just. what the Fuck man.#im doin everything i can ok#currently on plan m#where hardison might die but hopefully this pc will confirm the existence of my procreate files so we can move forward with fuckin around#w the broken asshole itself (ipad) without worrying abt losing stuff#I’ve dealt with this exact break before Twice and the one remedy was device replacement which is. so so bad for me so let’s just. hope thats#not the case here in what would be my first ever instance of technology luck#in the biggest fucking dose of irony it broke Because I tried to back it up to have a safety net for when some shit like this happened. i.#yeah sure why not i guess#my art?#tw blood#ask to tag#sky tag#my guy has been having a nonstop Time since his redesign Damn#ive got a bunch of stuff in my drafts here to post still but like. of course this happens when im trying to do comms. of course#hhhhhhggg. fine.
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your first love hits different
#another day another vent-in-the-tags post#i came across a picture of me and my fiest boyfriend of five years today. picture must've been 10 years old at this point#found many more pictures of him and us on my dad's old pc#i can just feel my body pull and heart ache when i look at him in the pictures#wondering what my life would've looked like if i hadn't broken things off between us#we tried to stay friends and a couple of months later we went for a drink. when daying goodbye he moved in to kiss me#i was hesitant and stepped away. he couldn't bare having me in his life while not being together so he cut off all contact#don't get me wrong in any of my thoughts- i love babe whole heartedly and he's the only man for me now and in my future#it's just that nagging feeling burried deep. the 'what if's. what if i felt more confident about my body back then?#what if i hadn't moved on so quickly? what if i had let him kiss me?#i tried texting him telling him i was approved for gbp surgery (i broke things off because i was very insecure about my body)#he congratulated me and sincerely wished me all the happiness in the world but also asked me not to contact him again after this#it's been 7-ish years but every now and then i wonder how he's doing and what he's up to#he doesn't really have social media apart from facebook (and that page is private) and i only stayed in touch with his former best friend#but i'm not gonna ask him because i know they haven't spoken in years either#i've had plenty more relationships after him but i rarely ever think about those guys#am i okay? is this normal? lol#i should get my head out of this rabbit hole asap#add: the picture is almost 15 years old lol. my math ain't mathing. we met in 2009. not that it's important#i think i just moved on too quickly and didn't allow myself time & space to grieve. that's why he keeps popping up in my thoughts now & then
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...
#pidge speaks#so dec is a 3 paycheck month for me#and bc of that i already have my rent for next month put aside#which means IN THEORY most of my next paycheck can be tucked into savings#and depending on what my christmas bonus looks like this year?#i might#MIGHT#be able to try and get a pc#and if i do that i might be able to get bg3 sometime after the new year#my coworker has even said theyd help me build it#i dont need anything too fancy#i am basically judt in it for a bg3/sims machine#i dont rly play a lot of big deal triple a games#and i dont need like crazy good reaction time stuff bc i dont like FPS and have shit reflexes anyway lmao#but idk#im afraid to get my hopes up#but i am legit getting so fucking sad the longer i got without being able to play#ive been waiting for three years#ive had my character ready for three years#idk i just have had a kind if shitty year and i want something nice for once#so fingers crossed
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I'm alive lmao
#shigeo kageyama#mp100#so uhhhh. i have plans to post a lot more stuff#including old stuff. and uhm. i have actually been drawing for the past few months#it's a little tough cause uh. my laptop's still busted and. i need money to get a new PC#that said. pc is on the way. but i do not have funds for a drawing tablet.#also I'd like to start T but. that also costs money :/#everything costs money lmao. anyway. thinking about opening very cheap commissions so i can for sure have enough to uhh live <3#unrelated this is a stark contrast to last year lmao. i was posting almost every damn day then#drawing#artists on tumblr#illustration#my art#comic#art
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finished my 2nd full run of bg3 but i didn't get to see the new karlach romance ending scene T_T it's probably bc the patch dropped mid-playthru and idk if they apply to old saves... oh well at least i saw it on youtube
#file#anyways my character is now one of my faves and i will probably turn her into a ttrpg pc just to have#now i was thinking of replaying dos2 bc it's been years and i remember nothing. and i missed crpgs#and i Just replayed da:o and the dlc a few months ago so that needs another cooldown before i do it again
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the one fun thing about writing something longer than 10k or so words is once you get really frustrated with the specific part you’re working on and start being like ‘im a fraud im a sham ive never written anything’ you can just take a breather and scroll around 1000 words forward and be like. actually i’m so talented and cool and hot and this is going to be the best thing ever. this libreoffice document contains multitudes
#good idea generator#fic writing tag tba#yes this is about that fake married au i post about once every 3 months or so but never actually finish#sir thats my emotional support fic i started in 2019 that i'm most of the way finished with#but cannot for the life of me polish off the last few thousand words#but that document is always open. every day it's me and caleb widogast against the world#actually its me against caleb widowgast. writing from that man's perspective feels like wringing water from a rock sometimes#i do feel bad posting about this wip because its been. multiple years. and i don't want to continually give the impression#that i might post it Tomorrow. Soon. idfk that yknow especially given how everything has been in the last few years#but like also at this point it is hard to understate the emotional attachment i have to working on this fic and talking about it 2 myself#this thing is a monster. it has like six documents. varying stages of draft saved. alternate scenes documents. alternate perspective bits#multiple outlines. a playlist. a poem that fits it#most of the random npcs who exist to move the plot along got full backstories to the point where i could play them as dnd pcs#it's the longest work of fiction ive ever written. bc ive been working on it on and off for so long a lot of milestones#were completed while writing this fic. idk its been so long its almost embarrassing to be like 'still working on it'#but i couldn't give it up if i tried. you know. this fic is like a lover to me. it is my everything#it's my mortal enemy it's my best friend it's my shoulder to cry on it's my fine china to throw against the wall#i escape to it. i need to escape from it. i'm tortured by it. its tortured by me. i bemoan it day in and day out#i wish id never started writing it. i wish i could experience writing it all again. i want to be done yesterday. i never want to finish#etc. you get the picture
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now that its cold out, I can utilize my patented pc cooling technique of "open the floor window"
#uhg dusty#with my old case i used to also take the side panel off so it could keep my feet warm#amd gpu users know. these things get way hotter than nvidia cards#on my pc because i am WORKING ON THAT MOD finally god its been like a month since ive been able to use my fucking computer#i love my 'puter she is my trophy wife that i never get to see#she is so needy and high maintenance i still have parts i need to buy#gonna grab either a 4tb or 2 2tb ssds and want to replace all the case fans with ones that arent 10 years old#gonna redo the cabling while im at it so i can put a furby in the case. eventually the bethesda store danse figure is going in there
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god wants me to kill myself sooooo fucking bad lately lol nice try bitch im queer
#you dont even fuxking know#the number of. literally impossible coincidences that have taken place to make my life just so much shittier lately#i have been sooo strong ive written like two dozen text posts just bitching and bitching about the sheer fuxking insanity of it and i only#posted like one of them im doing so good being so strong#that said i want to fucking die today lol this shit is melting my brain#it just never ends#the past two weeks have just been... so bad lol#i havent been able to see my bank balance in weeks i just know im so in the fucking hole it doesnt even matter#i havent had a working phone in a month#my family just vacationed in hawaii and im living in a moldy trailer#and the physical and mental health just go and go and go#and the mold grows and groes and grows#my friend offered me a top of the line pc for free and it felt like offering a homeless guy who loves music a grand piano#like yeah lemme just keep that under the bridge downtown where i stay lol#itll be fine#its like all the nice things id love to experience are dangled just out of reach of my fuckin cell bars lol#might fuck around and get addicted to a third substance in light of hope being a fool's errand in a truly random universe#life isnt guarunteed to get better no matter how long you wait or how hard you try actually and that is a hard fucking truth for everyone#alcohol is free and can keep your mind off how much mold & dust you breathe daily & breathed in the past 2 years & thats also a hard truth#also reading this i need to clarify in case anyone else reads this shitsheet. i do not want to vacation in hawaii. colonizer shit#what i wouldnt fucking do for just a week up by priest lake tho :(
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I am going to bake so much shit this week
#misc.txt#for context I'm house sitting for a friend for 2ish weeks and they're letting me stay in the two room guest house they have#WHICH MEANS I can cook and bake and do whatever without being harassed every time I step into the kitchen :)#I just need to go shopping tomorrow#ok but for real this is. so nice??#I brought my pc#+ my drawing tablet and stuff#it's.....so quiet here?? there's no yelling?? I don't feel tense for the first time in years??#I feel.....ok. when I'm out of the house and away from the main sources of my stress. my anxiety overall is just so much less intense#and it hasn't even been a full day away yet. it's just. so quiet.#and I can actually cook fuck yeah!! I need to find some good recipies to make so I'm not eating out for 2 weeks bc that's expensive#I'm going to make baklava and possibly a pie but neither of those are meals so. you know what though I do have a soup I want to try making#but like I can!! and nobody's going to get pissed at me for....breathing wrong!! or taking up space!!#I kind of feel like I don't even know what to do with myself when I don't have to constantly force myself to act a certain way#my friend is going to have a Lot of pastries and things waiting for them when they get back. after I go shopping tomorrow.#literally it feels so nice to just be able to........exist#now if I could just find an apartment that isn't $500000 a month rent I could have this all the time
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i need...something to hyperfix on
#wandertext ♡#it's looking like xenoblade chronicles. i have it but only played thru a few hrs#and tonight blasted thru like 5 hrs of it#i was hoping id hyperfix on enstars but ive already played thru all of the main story thats available#and i dont get into rhythm games enough to play it outside of that really#hollow knight worked for a bit...i really want to finish it but i simply. have not been able to.#my gf's been playing crk again and i also cannot get into that. weird bc i hyperfixed on it for like a month last yr#rummaging thru both my brain and my stuff to try and find a suitable option in case xenoblade doesnt work#i think hyperfixing on idv for so long really just killed me now if i don't have smth i flop over like a silly fish and stop functioning#cannot believe i played that godawful game for a year and a half and then also latched onto like 6 of the characters from it#given the opportunity i'd go back to pc league but the internet's so shit. i'm not even sure it'll work well enough for work if we fix it#im kind of just Hoping it will. lmfao.#it's also 1:30 and i am not asleep which is not a good sign for tomorrow. but whatever i don't have anything i need to get done#going to double check pocket camp one more time then try and put myself to bed#bc i have been nauseous for like. 3 hours. and i am sick of it#i talk like i'm giving a presentation don't i. or like a business meeting. i wish to study myself and invite everyone else to do the same
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one time when i was in 7th grade and had used one of those free website host things to "make my own website" someone overheard me telling my friend abt it and everyone in class went nuts over the fact that i had actually "made" my own website like it was the coolest thing they'd ever heard of.
i still remember the burning shame when they wanted to see it so i had to show them my "website" which was full of 144p screenshots and fanart i found on google from naruto & dragonball
#talkin#and then like a month later my dad killed our family PC with limewire so that was the end of that endeavor#except for the fact that my dad liked the theme i had picked for it so much that he made me find it for him#so he could upres it and have it printed into a decal for his company van#my shitty weebsite theme was straight up the bg for my dads electrical company logo for years#hes always been incredibly supportive of all my creative endeavors but sometimes to a degree that makes me wanna die#like how any time i was drawing in the living room he would walk over to look at the screen and see what i was drawing#and one time he saw an entire page full of different monster cock designs#we never spoke of that
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.
#literally told my psychiatrist today that despite things not really improving i was feeling better#and in the few hours since then i've just been reminded that i'm still a useless broke bitch who doesn't have shit and does nothing#everytime this fucking pc starts fucking up i just melt down#bc i know at some point it's just gonna stop working and i can't replace it#and it's the only good thing i have#i've been using an almost 10yo phone with a cracked screen for most of the year bc i don't have money for a new one#and it wasn't a good phone even 10 years ago#and i just feel like a piece of cheap trash just like it#it seems like i'm breakint down over nothing but jesus fucking christ the sensation of not having anything palpable to your name#not a job no accomplishments no possessions no relationships#all i have is this shit ass pc that's constantly in the process of dying and that makes me go insane at least once a month#i'm so fucking tired of meding old broken shit#simply because i have no other recourse#wish i wasn't such a colossal fuck up#wish i was someone else. i suck.
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shoutout to my dad for complaining his baldurs gate 3 download took 45 minutes. i cant even play it but go OFF
#i mean my laptop can run it but.#minimum. not recommended#and i avoid playing games that way unless i have no other choice#which means theres 4 options. right#1. i get to borrow his pc when hes done. (unlikely.)#2. i just dont play the game (skipping out on a fantasy rpg with dialogue options?????? ME??)#3. i wait for ps5 release (next month)#4. i somehow randomly get 2000 bucks on my bank account and use it to build myself a halfdecent pc (unrealistic)#(also i wouldnt be building it myself i would be sitting off to the side listening to my dad explain what hes doing while hes building it)#ramblings#it was a little bit funny i was SO close to bitching about it#like yeah man. having to wait for the game after release. definitely have NO clue what thats like#feeling the squidward behind his window watching spongebob meme rn#i do. think he deserves it mind you. like hes loved bg for years#hes been waiting for this game to release in its entirety.#since before i was BORN#not counting bg1 & 2 rereleases. obviously#but also give it to me rn#I WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HES TALKING ABOUT WHEN HE INEVITABLY STARTS SAYING SHIT#i still remember when i played mass effect & we had lenghty conversations about like. everything in that game#he was sitting next to me when i beat me2. ok#yeah sometimes our taste in games differs a LOT (his sandboxy zombie game vs me with my 'the script is longer than crime & punishment'#but when it overlaps its magical bro#as much as i say 'i wouldnt be the person i am now without my mom' (derogatory)#i say it about my dad but (affectionate)#sorry its 7 am i got a little emotional over how i live with people who actually like having me around now
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