#Thus isolating him and placing in an abusive environment

[random-mdzs-thoughts-dumpster]

Since people who hate JGY love thinking about all the things he could have done, why do they always ignore the fact that he didn't actually do them and the implications of that? Yes, he could have killed JL but he let him live for 15 years (and would likely continue that way if he hadn't died). Think of all the opportunities he had for it that he didn't take. If he wanted his son to be his heir so much that he tried killing his nephew (but he accidentally killed his son. BTW that kidnappers must have been very stupid) why didn't he have another child (even by remarrying if you keep enough of his canon personality for him to be disgusted by being in an incestuous relationship) and kill JL later? He had plenty of time to wait and all the different ways to kill him so it wouldn't be suspicious, people would just pity him for losing both his son and his nephew. I'm sure if people tried to look at his actions as they were and not the worst possible version of what could have been (and going yeah, he did that), they wouldn't hate him so much.

[mercurials]

I really like brandy's design!! can u tell us a bit more about her backstory?

THANK U!! :') i accidentally wrote a huge ramble so i hid it under a readmore and added a tldr paragraph lol! gonna try not to feel too cringe for sharing all this bc shes from a silly little fantasy animal rp teehee. also if anything seems contradictory or lacking in context its bc theres a lot of nuance to the roleplay/dynamics that i had to leave out cuz i could talk forever

TLDR - basically she grew up a religious fanatic who was training to be a priestess of a warmongering god, and left home at too young of an age to carry out missionary work after she received a sign from him. being young, very sheltered, and always in search of attention and validation (she'd suffered through a lot of emotional neglect and outright hatred at various points in her life thus far), it wasn't long before she fell in with a bad, predatory crowd and an abusive boyfriend. this led to her completely cutting herself off from her family out of shame (and fear over abandoning her missionary work) and a long and still ongoing struggle with substance abuse, self worth issues, problems setting boundaries and understanding her sexuality, and self-destructive hedonism. the shitty hand she was dealt felt like a betrayal, considering it was all caused by her leaving to carry out religious duties, so she spurned her god and has been unlearning a lot of religious bullshit ever since. after being dumped by her boyfriend it took her a long time to reconnect with her family, because she spent a while spiraling in isolation with deeply unhealthy coping mechanisms as she navigated a fuckton of trauma with no help. since then, however, she was found by her aunt and finally brought home - though the home was new, as her family had been exiled from their community during her absence due to political conflict. reuniting with them has been the best thing for her; she was welcomed back with open arms and is slowly working through everything that's happened to her, but her recovery has had many ups and downs.

longer version

(content warning for themes of pedophilia and abuse beginning in paragraph 5)

despite being born elsewhere, early on she moved to and grew up in a deeply religious society that worships a bloodthirsty god - and she was all for it in her youth. like, very gung ho about becoming a priestess, cutting off her siblings who still lived in their birthplace, etc etc. her beloved grandmother was one of the rulers of this society and a voice of their god, so it meant everything to her.

this new life gave her the purpose, community, and companionship that she lacked in her birthplace, with no friends and a neglectful and emotionally distant immediate family, so as a lonely and vulnerable child she was caught hook, line, and sinker. she connected with extended family that actually made her feel wanted, she was favored by a god to the point of being granted powers, and she felt whole. i think isolating herself from her immediate family, who did not live here with her, gave her a sense of retribution as well.

buuut there was also a lot of developing political tension and a lot of vitriol toward her family - spearheaded by her grandmother's co-ruler, who had powerful sway. and in a brutal environment like her warmongering clan, this was a major and dangerous threat. so for all the joy brandy found in living here and worshipping her god, youthfully unaware of the conquest this necessitated, she grew more unhappy than she was able to identify. so when she one day manifested the ability to grow (and retract) a pair of wings, she interpreted this as a sign from the red god and jumped at the opportunity to leave her home and carry out missionary work in his name - perhaps out of a desperation to leave this place, although that was largely a subconscious motivation.

she was absolutely too young to be striking out on her own, probably around 15 at most (i was writing her on a feral forum rp so the aging was obv different which makes the conversion fucky so im still figuring that stuff out a bit lmao). but what the red god said, went, so no one questioned it - and she was naively eager and unafraid. she was his chosen. she was royalty. she was invincible.

NOT REALLY! she was more vulnerable than she ever could have realized, so desperate to prove her value to her clan (...and get as far away from those seeking to harm her as possible). desperate to be seen and loved without any judgment for her lineage. so it was all too easy for one of the first men she met beyond her land's borders to take advantage of her, and lead her astray from her goals - she was young, after all, and had very little world experience. finn was his name, and he introduced brandy to an entirely new world than anything she'd ever experienced, one of hedonistic vice. nothing a fifteen year old had any business engaging with, and certainly nothing a grown man had any business introducing a fifteen year old to. this new world, this new attention, was intoxicating to someone as sheltered and high strung as brandy - it wasn't long before she and finn began dating, and relatively soon after that her missionary work fell easily to the wayside.

their honeymoon phase felt amazing, like a dream to brandy, but red flags eventually began emerging that she didn't yet have the capacity to examine or act against. finn would always subtly shut down conversations about her home and family, and grew increasingly more controlling, overprotective, argumentative, and jealous over time. resentment did begin to fester within brandy, but she was easily guilt tripped or otherwise pressured out of it time and time again... until things came to a head in an explosive argument that ended with finn dumping brandy and kicking her out.

distraught, she spurned the god who'd led his devotee down this path and then let her suffer like this, and struck out on her own instead of returning home - the shame of dropping off the face of the earth and abandoning her family was too much to bear. what if they hated her for running away? for abandoning her mission? from there, she spiraled, finding relief in substance abuse and the bed of any stranger that would take her. it was the one area in which she enjoyed any sense of autonomy and control - although it reinforced the lesson she'd learned from finn and his friends that her body and sexuality were what gave her worth. with time her physical and mental health began to plummet, her sense of self weakening and her hedonistic escapism becoming the only thing keeping her afloat despite slowly sucking the spirit out of her. she missed her family desperately, and longed to be a child in their arms once more, but as time went on reaching out to them became less and less of a material possibility in her mind.

but by pure chance and far into the future, she one day stumbled into her aunt, arya, while out and about; though panic overtook brandy at the sudden reunion, arya was only ecstatic to see her again, which was an unbelievable relief. but it was a bittersweet reunion - brandy had missed a lot, including the assassination of her beloved grandmother and subsequent exile of her entire family from their community. the former broke her heart and flooded her with even more guilt about her abandonment. here she'd been gallavanting about, living solely for herself and running away from her responsibilities and family and obligations, while the loved ones she'd been trying so hard to forget were suffering.

it took a lot of reassurance and convincing to ease brandy's nerves about going home and reuniting with everyone else, but ultimately she gave in – and it was one of the best decisions she ever made. everyone welcomed her back with open arms, having assumed she'd died and ecstatic to be proven wrong. she moved in with her living grandmother and began rekindling the relationships she'd lost and missed out on for so much of her life, and though recovery has been a massively uphill battle she's doing what she can with her newfound support system.

aaaand that concludes everything i properly rped before the site i wrote on crashed and burned ✌🏼

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

          Elias Callum, a 25 year old son of Aengus.           He is a priest.

FC NAME/GROUP: cha eunwoo, astro CHARACTER NAME:  Elias Callum (Haeun Lee) AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 25, 6th November 1997 PLACE OF BIRTH: Sicily, Italy  OCCUPATION: priest (cult leader)   HEIGHT: 183cm WEIGHT: 70kg DEFINING FEATURES: a scar on his right cheek

PERSONALITY: A cold and calculative person, observant of others. he acts more on logic than emotions--to the point of throwing them away. it’s hard for him to convey his true feelings, often hiding his emotions from others and himself. additionally, he has difficulty empathizing with others due to the environment he was raised in. due to his being exploited during childhood, he can’t really comprehend love and always mistakes it for lust like it’s his fatal flaw.

He’s a man of conviction, selfless towards what he thinks is right; defending the weak and showing compassion to those in need. although his methods might be astray, however, the road to hell was paved with good intentions. 

HISTORY: [tw: religious themes, cult worship, grooming, emotional abuse/manipulation, murder, cannibalism, gore] 

Isolated from playing the children around his age, he spent most of his childhood with adults and dedicating himself to the church. The adults constantly tell him that he is special, a child sent from the gods and a messenger of love. At first, Elias did not understand any of the words they said, he just did as he was told like the obedient boy that he is. As Elias is growing up, his curiosity starts to grow better than him. He hates the daily devotions and choir, he doesn’t like the way the church members look at him when he sings. Thus the first spark of rebellion, was when he sneaked out of the church’s compound and met a boy of his age in which, he instantly fell in love–specifically, puppy love. 

His first puppy love ends up as a reminder that he is different. The adults quickly caught on and brought him back to the house, lecturing and locking him up in his room. “A child of love shouldn’t act this way, he has to be pure and innocent,” his teacher scolded him. Through his tears, he accepted that he was different. 

Elias is starting to become aware of his situation at eighteen. It’s when he’s able to talk to certain species of birds, they wail and cry for him, which makes him realize that he’s a caged bird. 

He devoted himself to the church, just like how the adults wanted him to. He travelled across Sicily, spreading the word of ‘god’, through the gospels and the promise of love from omnipotent beings. Soon, the church has become more popular and attracted new members. The masses were brought easily by empty promises and white lies, all he did was take a page from the way adults have taught him. 

Soon enough, he has everyone wrapped around his fingers. 

The adults believe that he has ascended to the omnipotent being they believed that he is, discarding all mortal woes that were deemed to be “impure.” As a celebration of his ascension, Elias invited them to a bouquet with food and wine. When the clock struck twelve, everyone was unconscious and when the sun rose, they were no more than pieces of meat. 

To the masses, he is seen as a god and just like any god, he abandons his people. 

Free from his abuser and from his shackles, Elias set to see the world for the first time. However, he finds himself unable to connect with them. Joy, anger, sadness, love, grief, hate and other normal emotions, he’s unable to feel them. 

Fortunately, a real god appears to his aid. Guiding him to the place where he’s supposed to be, though he wonders if he could find someone equal to him. 

After all, the top is a lonely place. 

PANTHEON: Celtic CHILD OF: Aengus, God of Love and Youth POWERS: Possess an angelic singing voice which can cause others to become infatuated with them for short periods of time. Can communicate with birds associated with love (doves, lovebirds, etc.) STRENGTHS: observant, manipulative, unpredictable WEAKNESSES: sore throat, tend to underestimate how powerful emotions are, still unable to fully recover from years of emotional manipulation and abuse

[itsclydebitches]

Holy, that commentary... In what world Weiss pointing a sword to her brother is meant to represent Weiss' character growth, her standing up to the last of her family and "taking over the house"? Even then, she later on just stood there and moped! I don't think even the people defending that scene as "it's just Weiss' character flaw, she's being a self-centered" (which could have been good) predicted something so wild.

Yeah, I'm admittedly struggling to comprehend how you can lack this level of insight into the story you wrote. I mean, I get the common misconception about Whitley because I walked that road myself for a while. He's the only Schnee brother deliberately emulating his father, both in looks and disgusting rhetoric. He's a minor character with very little screen time, making it easy to misremember what actually happened last time he showed up (like the fandom thinking it's his fault that Weiss lost her inheritance). On a purely surface level Whitley looks like the entitled rich kid they label him as and thus I'm not at all surprised when other fans come to these conclusions about how he should be 'Put in his place'... but RT wrote him. How do you spend years of your life working with these characters and not realize the less than subtle implications you've laid out?

ESPECIALLY given Weiss' Beacon storyline! I mean, again, I get how, taken out of context, many might overlook the abuse, isolation, and overall harmful influence that is driving Whitley's 'Uphold the Schnee name' thinking because this kid is repeating a disgusting and, sadly, all too relevant worldview. Some people - fans and writers included - are too close to an issue to easily spot the nuances inherent in it; it's just too much of a knee-jerk, awful subject to give any ground to. But RWBY is not that story. RWBY is the story that included a rich, racist, spoiled white girl as a member of the title team, forced to work with a minority character and overcome her bigotry (even if the execution of that was terribly done). We already got Whitley's story through Weiss. We already GOT the acknowledgement that a teenager/young adult isolated in a racist household and suffering under abusive/neglectful parents will need to leave that environment, be shown other perspectives, and have time to overcome their failings through the help and teachings of those they trust. Weiss was allowed this! The story acknowledged that these were necessary parts of Weiss becoming more than just an elitist Schnee, so how in the world have the writers overlooked that this automatically applies to Whitley too?

I mean, I know why. Or at least I can theorize about two likely possibilities. 1. Whitley is not a title character we're automatically expected to emotionally connect with, regardless of his failings. 2. Whitley is not a cute girl whose tsundere personality is primed to make audiences forget, or even instantly forgive, any harm enacted. But good god, can you imagine if this story played out between Winter and Weiss? Imagine a RWBY where Whitley doesn't exist. Winter visits Beacon and instead of just bopping her sister on the head in a playful manner, threatens her with her weapon as a means of very seriously insisting she do better in school. When Weiss asks if she can help Winter with anything while she's here, Winter scoffs and orders her back to her dorm. This military associated, licensed huntress terrorizes her younger sibling until Weiss does something she likes, which is when Winter breaks out the hug to show they're besties now. Then the commentary for this Volume ignores the abuse they were both suffering to instead laugh about how Weiss needs to "chill" and isn't it great that Winter is reclaiming the Schnee name by making sure her little sister falls in line?

And this comparison doesn't even delve into the pretty crucial difference in details. Like how Whitley immediately demonstrated more empathy for Nora and the civilians (which include many faunus) he tried to rescue with the airships, whereas a younger Weiss was busy comparing Sun to a trashcan. Or the fact that in this made up scenario Weiss is safe at Beacon whereas Whitley, a 14yo, was left alone after his father was arrested, his staff all left him (including Klein who apparently only cares about one of the younger Schnees), and his mother locked herself in the room upstairs to drink. Also. there's a war on and the whole Kingdom is about to be destroyed. Kind of a stressful situation. If my fugitive sister showed up with her friends trying to commandeer the house while she was a target of both the military and all the bad guys... well, I'd certainly help if she asked for it. If she stuck a weapon in my face and demanded entry though? I'm suddenly not feeling so generous about risking my life. Especially when, as you say, anon, she then goes on to do nothing for the rest of the day. Whitley calls Klein. Whitley thinks of the airships. Whitley manages to send them off at great risk when Weiss' friend draws the Hound. Whitley has blueprints on hand to give to Ambrosius. The girls took their break while commenting on how many people must be dying out there. Whitley risked his ass against a super grimm to help others and he isn't a trained fighter.

We've talked Whitley to death since that scene aired and Weiss' horrendous treatment is indeed worth emphasizing, but yeah, can we also acknowledge how ridiculous it is for Whitley to act as Weiss' final boss? "I also thought it was kind of important, for Weiss' growth, to show her standing up to the person... basically the last person still trying to uphold what the Schnee name used to be." What? Whitley is upholding that name with what power, exactly? He's a kid. He has no fighting prowess or semblance. He has no access to his family's money. His manner of upholding the Schnee name amounts to, literally, griping a little to the people who force their way into the house. Oh yes, defeating Whitley is really going to fix the treatment of faunus laborers. Or convince Mantle citizens that Schnees can be trusted. Or explain and deal with the fact that one faunus had their brand on his face. Silencing the teenager who ultimately wants to help is really going to change the Schnee name for the better. The idea that Weiss sending her little brother to his room is some big moment for her is laughable and highlights just how far RWBY dropped the ball with her arc. What did we actually get?

The information needed to take Jacques down was handed to Weiss by Willow with no effort on her part.

She turns her father's arrest into a joke.

Simultaneously makes enemies of both the man Jacques hates the most (Ironwood) and her big sister until Winter switches sides.

Suddenly claims that Mantle is her home and she's going to fight for it... to the faunus also trying to fight for it.

(Seriously, who thought Weiss lecturing Marrow was a good idea?)

Told her brother to get lost in the Volume that's supposedly about coming together, rather than dividing from within.

Sat around in her mansion while the Kingdom she fought another team to protect is actively under siege.

Was not a part of the team that took Ironwood down, thereby saving the Kingdom from a bomb threat.

Was not a part of her father's demise. Ironwood is the one to randomly blow him up.

Yeah that's... a pretty terribly written arc. If a moment of growth for your character is threatening and then ignoring the teenage family member she should oh so easily be able to identify with, then you've not only failed to write a compassionate hero, you've also failed to write a compelling arc for her too. The fact that the beginning of Weiss' "growth" is making a joke about whether she can arrest folks (in the volume with anti-military themes, no less) and ends with her threatening a kid for no reason, just beautifully lays out how much of a mess Volume 8 is.

[everything-laito]

hey,,, i've seen this controversial opinion about laito not being sexually assaulted by cordelia. . .as the only opinion of laito that matters, what are your thoughts on it? i know you've made some posts in the past about cordelia and laito's relationship, but i think that now would be a good time to i guess, remake a post or clarify your thoughts so people could follow along?? i hope you enjoy your day.

*proceeds to crack all my knuckles at once*

This isn't really my own "response" cuz oh boy I'm sick of this petty ass drama lmao. To begin, SKLDJF I'm very flattered that you hold my opinion in that high of regard! I'd say there's others that have interesting interpretations of him too though :) but again, thank you :') glad you enjoy what I have to say!

I know I've already kinda responded to this via a screenshot here, just to hold you––and others reading this––over. As much as this is a great time to talk about a how-to-analysis, I’ll still put that as a separate post eventually, but I still will go over the philosophy of truth and writings etc. But anyways, to answer your initial questions, they’re under the cut!

And no, I’m not specifically calling anyone out here. These are just issues with the fandom that I find as a whole, along with some extremists. Thus, I’m not going to be putting tags for people to easily find this post because I don’t want to be wound up in this drama––once again this is just more commentary on the fandom as a whole, which hopefully you can apply to people you find!

I have a lot of my own thoughts about Cordelia and Laito’s relationship here (just in case if people need it):

1. Goes over potential grooming of Laito, facts about Cordelia and what happened before she did stuff to Laito, and when did she rape Laito for the first time?

2. Stuff about incest and how any relationship out of a parental/child relationship is abuse even if it’s not penetrative sex, more incest stuff, and just more thoughts on their relationship

3. Neuroplasticity, trauma, Karlheinz, and isolation

4. What does sexual trauma look like? And some stuff on Laito’s facade

5. More stuff on his facade, and projection on Yui

6. My thoughts on Laito’s dark fate vampire ending + Conclusion

7. Answering some inbox stuff relating to Cordelia

Sure I realize I might be missing some stuff but that’s just my whole analysis on them. I’ll probably make some follow up posts eventually but I’m not sure when that will be.

But as for this analysis/ramble, I’ll divide it up into sections:

The issue of hypocrisy in the Dialovers fandom:

I- oh dear god. Ok, just saying, there’s a lot of people being like “oh I hate Cordelia because she was abusive” then ??? yo??? Why do you like the boys?? They’re abusive and we see more of them than Cordelia??? I just personally hate hypocrisy. However, it’s okay to hate Cordelia! It’s okay to love Cordelia! It’s okay to hate the boys and it’s okay to love the boys too. But recognizing that you don’t like one or the other just because “they’re abusive” is a fallacy at that point.

The reason why so many people hate Karlheinz/Cordelia/Beatrix/Christa/Richter (or at least start off hating them) is because they are written as the villains of the story! Karl’s the main villain, and the rest (including the diaboys and Yui) are kinda just tragically wound up in his plans. You sympathize more with the boys because you spend more time with them and watch them grow! It’s a whole “us vs them” situation. Since those people were awful to the boys/the boys hate them, you’re like “yeah they’re bad!” But the issue with the whole “us vs them” situation (as in real life) is that people tend to excuse the actions done by the “us” party.

Same thing goes with extreme Karl/Cordelia/Richter fans (I’ve never seen a hardcore Beatrix/Christa fan but they’re probably out there). Some hate the diaboys but love the people in that party. They’ve also done some shitty stuff too! Bro, even Yui has done some terrible stuff! But that’s because she was a product of the events she was thrown into––and same with everyone else.

Karl has been the mastermind of all this, and for me I don’t have any sympathy for him, mainly because we’re not shown anything to sympathize with (except that he just is tired of living but idk why he wants to create a whole new race like lmao science nerd ig, I feel that king). A lot of people like him for his looks, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing––he’s a fictional character, objectify these characters however you want. This is more of a personal opinion of mine though. And maybe people do just sympathize with his outlook on life, that’s totally fine.

But since these characters are all attractive in their own regard, they all get the treatment of “pretty-boy” syndrome (Idek if that’s the exact name for it). Which is just the privilege pretty people get. But again, this is fictional, so it’s not necessarily important in this case. Bro I got into DL cuz of “ooga booga hot vampires” and stayed for the complex lore and characters (especially one complex character, wonder who that could be). I imagine most people got into DL because of that, or out of sheer curiosity.

Ok, I’m throwing out a lot of points but not really connecting them. Lemme give you an example: I don’t like Reiji. His character doesn’t vibe with me most of the time aside from the fact that he’s hilarious. But I just am very neutral/neutral-negative on his character. But I’m not like “oh cuz he’s mean/abusive” cuz LOL EVERYONES MEAN IN THIS GAME. Sure you can still say that, it’s just not a very strong claim. Hypocritical claims tend to be like that. Same with a lot of Yui haters. In this case, they’re more jealous that she’s there and not them, which I’ve explained a lot in this post about toxic femininity and Yui in the fandom etc. But it’s ok to just not like a character! It’s alright! I know someone who just doesn’t vibe with Subaru. She doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t vibe with him. There’s no need to defend it either. But the use of hypocrisy is my main issue, and I’ll get to that in the next section.

(There’s a really good post explaining this too but I cannot find it for the life of me. I think it was made by @/abottleofkarlheinz or @/the-madame21)

How opinions of fictional universes left unchecked can effect real life:

I’ve said this a little bit in that Dialover PSA post I’ve made about Yui that I linked a couple paragraphs ago. But the reasons why people say they hate Yui is concerning. If you don’t like Yui, that’s totally fine! Again you don’t need reasons to hate on a character or defend it. But if you do choose to defend those characters, make sure what you’re saying isn’t out of some other place in your heart. Let me explain.

In that “Yui PSA” post I made, I say how your attitudes in being critical of a fictional universe usually does reflect on who you are as a person, at least when you’re making certain claims. In that Yui post, I say that the hatred on Yui is a result of the “other girl” mentality. On top of that, it erases her experience as a survivor. Yes, this is a fictional character, but bringing that into real life can have some dire consequences if you don’t differentiate them. If you have the same attitude of Yui with other survivors if the “abuser is hot” then thaaaaaat’s so fucked up.

For example, there’s people who have crushes on real life serial killers! That- that’s absolutely disgusting! Those real people killed living people and effected so many lives and families. Dude I have fictional crushes on fictional serial killers, and that’s different, because it is a removed universe. It’s why I can still call myself a lesbian but still have crushes on fictional male characters, for a further example (and vice versa! I have straight friends who crush on fictional characters of their same gender! But that doesn’t make them any less straight. And no, I’m not erasing bi people here either, just clarifying in case if you needed that).

Not being able to differentiate your opinions of a fictional universe can get very toxic. Like I love Laito, but I’m not like “omg I wish he was real so he could do that stuff to me uwu” like no!!! UH!!! I wouldn’t want to date anyone like him in real life! That’s literal abuse! And if Laito was here in real life it’s not a controlled environment, he’d literally be able to do anything with you, etc. That’s what makes a fantasy, a fantasy. They’re controlled.

Also vice versa, some people get really triggered by Dialovers, specifically Laito’s route. A lot of non-consensual acts that he does have been experienced by people in real life in any extent, myself included. For me, it’s a personal escape from that, because it is an environment where I am prepared for those events and can control my exposure to it. For some, they are reminded of the reality they had to experience. Fictional universes are inspired by real life, no matter what way you look at it. Real life people are making it, after all.

I feel like I’m going in so many circles, but trust me, I’m getting to the point.

I- I can’t explain this enough but it is most definitely implied that Cordelia had raped and sexually abused Laito. If it was explicit, DL would be an 18+ game, but they cannot do that in Japan. I’m not going to like defend this point because so many people (myself included) have defended this point. It’s implications carry over into Laito’s character and why he’s like this. He’s a textbook sexual abuse survivor. I just,,,, cannot explain this enough. Same thing with overwriting the abuse of Yui. They get jealous of Yui. Sure I’d say a good chunk of people have ravishment fantasies here. At least the 18+ people in the fandom who are into that stuff. But oh my dear god, ravishment fantasies are super super dangerous to enact in real life. It’s possible to do them, but it would take years of building up to that point in kink. That’s a whole other discussion though and I’m not incredibly comfortable talking about it knowing that minors read my blog (I’ll also have to say here: no minors in kink--its alright to educate yourself but pleaaaaaaaaaase don’t enact on any of those activities until you are of age, and even so that still can be dangerous right as you turn 18).

But anyways, saying that Yui should enjoy this because she’s experienced the ravishment fantasy you’ve dreamed of? Oh fucking hell, if you leave that opinion and mentality unchecked and it goes into real life, that’s incredibly awful. Abuse apologists are absolutely terrible people, almost as much as the abusers themselves.

If you twist the narrative that Laito loves Cordelia or Yui loves the boys at the end of the first game, that’s still––ughhhhhhhh. Especially when it’s so obvious that Laito has so many mental issues with Cordelia. His whole monologue and breakdown at the end of Dark Fate definitely tells us that he has had such an issue with Cordelia. And MB+ Laito is still Laito. As for Yui, dude she literally goes through stockholm syndrome in the first game like it is so goddamn apparent idek how to explain this at this point.

Ok dear god lmao wow, uh I think that’s answering the first couple of questions?

The philosophy of truth:

“Truth” has been an incredibly debated topic in philosophy for years. Truth is more of a subjective item rather than objective. Sure you can have personal objective truths, but they may not be the same truths for others. For example, a tomato is red. However, that tomato is red to me, because I am not color blind. A red-green color blind person may see the tomato as being brown or more muted in color. That’s their truth. They can’t really imagine what red is (ok depending on severity of their color blindness), considering they have not experienced the color red in the same way people who don’t have color blindness do. God uh, here’s a whole ass essay about truth, I’m cherry picking some of the things in there that are relevant to this.

Basically what I’m saying is, truth is very subjective. However, there are philosophers arguing a more objective truth. But that’s a whole other discussion. Also, this isn’t to support any political opinion, but I can use that as an example. Let’s go for well... The death penalty. I’m in America, we have the death penalty in some states. Yes, this is a very controversial topic, and no I’m not arguing the ethics of it here. Just hear me out.

If you live in Europe for example (except in Belarus and Russia––ok when I looked it up they consider Russia in Europe and technically it is but also there’s the whole chunk that is not- lmao even the truth of geography can be subjective), you might be like “yeah what the fuck are Americans doing?” (a common sentiment that I also share lmao). But yeah, what the fuck are we doing? Why is the death penalty still in existence? Yes, there’s statistics that prove that it doesn’t deter crime, but even crime rates is caused by a lot of different things too. Even statistics aren’t always accurate, because of many different factors. They’re not objective either, although good statisticians try their best to get good results and not skew the data. (please try to see where your data is coming from and who it is sponsored by––it matters a TON)

I’d say the closest thing we have as an objective truth to argue the death penalty or not is money. Money, although the concept is subjective, is a very objective currency. It’s why artists hate “exposure” compared to “money” as sole currency. The death penalty is very expensive, and not even used that often.

So, although money is currency made by us, and is technically 75% linen and 25% cotton (in America at least) with some funky dudes n numbers printed on it, it doesn’t sound that special. However, it would be considered as a baseline of some type of “objective truth” in ~society~ because people are typically on the same page of what money’s worth. Even so, this baseline of truth is still subjective! If Bill Gates accidentally has a $20 bill fall out of his pocket, that’s nothing to him! But if someone who’s working very hard to make ends meet loses that same amount of money, it could deal a lot of financial damage to that person.

Ok, hopefully you guys kind of get my drift. There are a lot of theories of truth, I’m just explaining one (honestly I forget the name of this theory) because it is the closest to the types of truth we are dealing with. And in this case, it’s called “canon.”

What the fuck is analysis:

The concept of “canon” is the objective truth that we have when analyzing universes. They’re our bread and butter of interpretation and extrapolation. The art of analysis clings to this notion of an objective truth. It needs a baseline. I’m going off of Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle, because that type of analysis I have the most experience with.

This is called rhetorical analysis. Rhetoric is the use of words in a persuasive fashion, and the analysis part is a breakdown of how words are used in order to achieve persuasiveness. I don’t typically use a lot of explicit rhetorical analysis in my personal writings, but I guess a version of it. Which typically has to deal with intention and execution. A lot of analysis on language has to do with this. Language is incredibly subjective. Certain words carry individual meanings to people. I have gone over the difference between real and lexical definitions before, and I’ll do it again.

I’ll just copy and paste what I’ve said before here from this analysis:

To put it simply, lexical definitions are the definitions you find in the dictionary. This is an “official” and “agreed upon” definition. Real definitions (quite a misleading name in my opinion) is the definition that’s more kind of “felt” in a way and how you internally interpret the word in context (these can be through individuals or any niche group). What I mean by this is that when you say a word (for example) to convey a feeling, you usually won’t know the dictionary definition off the top of your head. You say that something’s “savage” for example when you want to describe something violent or gruesomely awesome (it depends if it’s in a slang context or not) but there’s many lexical definitions (and outdated lexical definitions) of the term. But the first definition that usually comes up is “adj (of an animal or force of nature) fierce, violent, and uncontrolled.”

But people typically don’t think of the lexical definition when they learn what a word means; they usually learn the context of it and apply it as such. And that’s what a “real” definition is. Laito has a differing definition of what affection and love is, and that’s his own meaning and what it means to him.

I’ll even add another example to that too. The word “cunt” in english refers to a vagina. That’s just it. It’s lexically synonymous with “vagina,” “pussy,” etc. However, “cunt” has a subjective meaning to it. This is where “real” definitions also come into play. Many people view the word as vulgar and dirty. And that’s cuz we live in a ~society~ lmao. Our use of language has shaped what this word means in a context outside of the dictionary. I’ll do you one more. The Japanese word マンコ (manko) is also vulgar slang that’s kind of like our word “cunt/pussy.” Sometimes I say “cunt” for jokes, but I don’t use it that often to begin with since it’s just a very strong word to most (albeit it’s not that strong of a word for me). However, マンコ is a strong word to many Japanese people, but if I hear it even though I’ve been learning Japanese, it doesn’t have that same effect as hearing “cunt” for me is (which still, idc if I really hear it depending on context) because I haven’t been shaped in a culture that uses Japanese.

Even so, tone, intention, and context is HUGE in this. If someone called me a “useless fucking cunt” when they’re angry at me, I’d be close to crying. If someone told that to me as a joke, I’d be like “lol yeah you right, bitchass” and if someone said that in a consensual sexual context, it would certainly tickle my masochistic heart.

DSLKFJ also sorry if you don’t like hearing that word, I just had to utilize a strong example for this. But anyways, now let’s change the lens to Dialovers.

No, it never explicitly says that Cordelia rapes Laito. It doesn’t. However, there’s this WACKY thing called being able to infer, reading between the lines, and identifying implications. Those are kind of all the same things. However, indirect exposition is used a lot in effective creative writing. The utilization of this type of exposition is more preferred when writing a story, because direct exposition is kind of referred to as “info-dumping” when used excessively. Forgive my jargon: this is just showing vs telling as we’re taught in every writing class. I’m personally very bad at it, which is why I stick to writing these, and stick to reading creative fiction. (NOT SAYING IF YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT THIS TO NOT CONTINUE TO PRACTICE CREATIVE FICTION, I JUST DONT HAVE THE CURRENT MOTIVATION TO GET GOOD AT IT)

Dialovers uses a LOOOOOT of showing. And even so, its “showing” ability is very minimal considering the Japanese language can be vague on its own, it’s medium (visual novel) does not show a lot of things explicitly most of the time (and even when it is shown it doesn’t convey a lot). There’s several CGs of Laito and Yui where it doesn’t show the amount of pain or the dire situation Yui’s in, compared to what she’s saying she’s going through.

When I made my whole breakdown on Laito’s HDB route from Yui’s perspective, I got several comments about how they didn’t realize how bad his route really was. That’s either because people might not have experience with verbal abuse themselves, can’t exactly see Yui’s body language except her head (and even so, her expressions are limited), or don’t know a lot of gaslighting/verbal abuse techniques/have done research into it. Honestly verbal abuse is kind of hard to realize, so I’m not calling anyone dumb here. Despite me knowing a lot of the signs, I didn’t know I went through it––and even so I’ve denied it. And that’s what is so effective about this game though! Especially Laito’s route! Because you’re also sucked in with limited knowledge because you’re seeing this through Yui’s perspective, and on top of that it’s isolating. You can only make so many choices, and I feel like Dialovers is perfect as a visual novel. You get caught up with a lot of shock value things that Laito says, which serves as a perfect distraction for your first time through. But anyways, I’m getting off track.

For example, many people found his Maniac 07 chapter to be very confusing. I broke that one down here as well, and even so I was confused at first (also I was like 14/15, dear god). It tells you SO little, but you know that Laito’s incredibly upset at Richter for some reason, and even so, Yui comments on it a little too. Laito is shown to still hate Richter in DF, but he talks about it a tad more.

Here’s a further example from my writings in that first part of the Cordelia/Laito analysis series but I have bolded the terms I use to convey this rhetoric:

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance.

That’s what rhetorical analysis is. You take the contextual meaning of the words, the tone they use, and extrapolate what they imply. On top of this, we know that the term “love” here is sexual, implying that they did something sexual. We are not given the details of this, but considering we know that Laito uses “love” before he rapes Yui in the game, we can infer that’s what happened (or something similar) to himself with Cordelia, considering he projects on Yui quite a bit.

I was going to go over what is good/bad analysis, but I think I’ve implied it anyways here. Utilizing separate information from different sources of canon in order to make sense of something is good analysis. That’s our objective truth: canon. I’m not saying I’m the best at analysis, but I am fairly confident in it. It’s how I’m able to attempt to answer some of your “how would Laito react” questions without it being specifically hinted in the game. You cannot cherry pick specific sentences and go off of that alone for analysis. It’s context. It’s reading tone. It’s knowing the characters attitudes towards things, how they speak, etc. There’s a lot going into analysis in general. I know I didn’t elaborate on Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle right now, but that’s for another date I suppose.

Oh dear god I hope I didn’t lose you guys, I know this is a lot of information, but if you have any questions/comments/clarifications, as always, please let me know!

Hope you enjoyed! -Corn

[futurise]

Why do u dislike Howard Stark? I know he is not the ideal father but isn’t that all fathers in media .. not all but most.

this ask is making me lose my mind................. “why do u hate the man who emotionally and physically abused your fave their entire childhood, gave them alcohol at the age of 5 thus causing his lifelong struggle against alcoholism, and regularly features in their recurring psychological trauma and most haunting nightmares........ isn’t that what all dads do”. 

listen . there are shitty fathers in media and then there’s howard fucking stark.

not only was howard stark a disgusting, awful, abusive pos to his wife and son, the majority of tony’s specific mental issues can be traced back to things howard said, did or instigated. his alcoholism, his feelings of inadequacy, lack of self-worth and horrifying self-loathing, his struggle with masks and perceptions of himself / his strength / his masculinity, his habit of self-isolating and pretending everything is perfectly fine rather than having to rely on anyone else, and a whole plethora of other traits directly related to growing up as a child of an abusive household. 

there’s also a lot of gross homophobic undertones to his use of the word ‘ sissy ’, his insistence on trying to make tony a ‘ man ’, and his constant mockery of tony’s seemingly effeminate behavior — namely having emotions, liking books, and preferring reading and fantasy to sports. tony grew up in an environment ruled by constant fear, relentlessly disparaged for literally everything he did, and was made to feel like he was a coward / worthless / nothing / etc. here’s a summary of flashback quotes to his childhood: 

“You don’t want to be a sissy, now do you? Stark men are made of iron!” (Iron Man v1 #286)

“I was seven when my father decided I was a disappointment to him.” (Iron Man v1 #287)

“Stop being such a coward, boy. You’ve been coddled by wealth, and it’s made you weak.” (Iron Man v1 #287)

“You listen to me, boy! You’ll never amount to anything! If you don’t put some iron – into that spine of yours. You have to push yourself. Be tough! Be strong! Work harder! Be a man!” (Iron Man v1 #300)

it’s popular knowledge that tony is a recovering alcoholic but i don’t think many people know that his alcoholism is directly tied to howard and was catalyzed by howard forcing him to drink bourbon at five years old. and he did it because  a )  he had no choice and howard would likely have laid hands on him if he tried to turn down the drink but more importantly,  b )  he was so desperate for howard’s approval he would have drunk the whole bottle. like... what an incredibly fucked up situation for a child to be put in and what an incredibly fucked up thing for a child to have to think in the first place. not to mention what he sees in his mother’s reaction afterwards where she now’s afraid for her own son and the destructive cycle he’s repeating because her pos alcoholic husband forced their five year old child to drink. 

HOWARD:   You want him to stay a sissy little boy forever? He’s got to learn, if he’s going to make anything of himself. To be tough. Strong. To be a man. Son, this is fine single-malt bourbon. Drink up. It’ll put hair on your chest. TONY:   Yes, sir. HOWARD:   Not like that, boy! Don’t sip it, throw it back! [  TONY’S INTERNAL MONOLOGUE:   I’d never tasted liquor before. It was horrible. But I knew not to swallow would be a disgrace to my father. I would have drunk down the whole bottle if it’d win me more of his approval… so precious for its scarcity… And then, I happen to look into my mother’s eyes — And saw not pride, but sadness. She’d seen what’d become of my father over the years … and now she feared for me.   ]

also, comic writers are perfectly aware of howard being the worst father in the known multiverse because he’s frequently brought back as a nightmare vision, literal demon from hell, or straight-up villain. the below passage is from when demon!howard is summoned by mephisto to fight howard, the writer, bob layton, has since confirmed at a convention that this wasn’t just a minion of mephisto pretending to be howard but actually howard. with new homophobic subtext and slutshaming insults for an older tony. 

HOWARD:   Losing again, eh, boy? You always were a wimp. Never had the stones to do what had to be done! TONY:   I... I always tried to do... what was right! HOWARD:   [...]  You’re weak. Nothing but a fancy-boy. You’re no son of mine. [   TONY’S INTERNAL MONOLOGUE:   I’d heard it all before. But the pain was still enough–to distract me from the physical threat at hand.   ] HOWARD:  You were my greatest shame, but I’ll make a man out of you yet! I’ll beat it into you, you prancing gigolo! Every... single... day... for eternity! [   TONY’S INTERNAL MONOLOGUE:  Still, his most powerful weapons–were words.   ] HOWARD:   Weak! Namby-pamby! Vacillating when you should act! You always were a disappointment, both to me–and to your mother!

then there’s cantwell’s tragic attempt at an iron man run where in the current storyline howard sold tony’s soul to mephisto. 

MEPHISTO:   I spoke the truth with your father’s tongue, Tony. He promised you to me. Or well, he will. Someday many many years from now. I’ve seen it in the stone. 

MEPHISTO:   There must always be an Iron Man, I’m afraid. HOWARD:   Well then, I suppose it’s a good thing you’ve got his greatest enemy by your side. No one knows my boy like I do. How to build him. And how to break him.

so yeah i don’t ‘’’’’’’’’dislike’’’’’’’’ howard stark i hate him and hate everything he stands for because he’s disgusting excuse of a human being and anyone that thinks otherwise should choke.

panels for the above quotes below the cut.

iron man v1 #286

iron man v1 #287

iron man 2: public identity #2, the mcu tie-in comic, which shows howard being openly physical with him and tony begging to go back to boarding school. he’s probably 5 or 6 years old here.

iron man v1 #300

iron man v1 #313

iron man: legacy of doom #2

avengers v8 #31

[tmngoose]

It’s time to info dump Rikki junk. The timeline is a little discombobulated but whatever:

(TW for child/general abuse &murder/death)

Rikki’s family estate is located in the spirit world, which is accessible via portals in the hidden city and secret areas on the surface (Earth).

The former head of the house—her Grunkle Gef—left to tour the surface as his popularity among the humans as a beloved folklore cryptid gives him joy in his profession.

Rikki’s mother (name TBD) becomes head of the house. Unlike Gef, she takes things very seriously. She is far from nurturing. Similar to Big Mama, she is a yūrei who hides behind the guise of a beautiful lady only to hide her true form.

If anyone stepped out of line, they’d be punished: physically or mentally. (Rikki will tell you, “Open hand slaps were for little things. Backhands were for serious offenses. And if she put the rings on, you knew you were in trouble.”) ‘Naughty children’ were locked in a shed—the isolation shed.

Somehow Rikki survives childhood and recognizes the way her mother treats her cousins and siblings is… wrong. Past Rikki’s apathetic facade: she provides the emotional care to her younger siblings/cousins that her mother never did. It’s where her soft-spot for children comes from.

The family business lies in hauntings and other ghostly activities. Some of Rikki’s siblings become successful in the business world, providing haunting advice and lending their spooky talents. They attend prestigious colleges and start their own families because that’s what mother wants of them. To tarnish Grunkle Gef’s legacy would mean instant abandonment.

Rikki applies to Hidden City University and eats the rejection letter. She forges a fake acceptance letter and deceives her mother. Rikki attends Hidden City Community College and for the first time, interacts with other yōkai.

For the most part, things go swimmingly. Although Rikki’s quick to learn yūreis get a bad rep thanks to those who are malicious, greedy, and horrible. Afraid of being exposed and judged, Rikki hides her ghostly self from others.

After graduating, Rikki lies to her mother (again) about getting a job and won’t be returning home for a while. Her mother is pleased and tells Rikki not to tarnish their family’s reputation.

Rikki performs odd jobs around the Hidden City: part time gigs that help her get by. Anything is better than going home and dealing with her mother.

One night, a group of yōkai attempt to mug Rikki, who uses her yūrei powers to thwart their plans. Somehow, through flattery and promises of respect, Rikki joins their gang—one of the many criminal syndicates that operates under Big Mama. Thus begins her criminal record.

But as time passes, Rikki notices nobody respects her and stealing things loses its appeal when her boss stops praising her. It clicks: the desire to impress people like her boss and her mother, just for a shred of praise and affirmation.

Upon this epiphany, Rikki states her resignation from the gang. It does not bode well for Rikki, who is left for dead by her boss in an alley.

… and, Rikki does die. Well, her body/vessel dies. When yūreis in possession of a ‘living-vessel’ die, the ‘ectoplasm regeneration process’ (ERP!) kicks in. Ectoplasm from around the body slowly pours into the wound, regenerating the fatal damages until ‘brought back to life.’

It’s during ERP that one must ‘sit vigil’ with the body, since it’s at its most vulnerable. Sitting with the body speeds up the regeneration process: something about ‘knowing someone is waiting for them to come back’ encourages the ectoplasm to return to the body faster.

(It’s not the first time Rikki’s died, btw. Gang work is dangerous stuff and sometimes sacrificing Rikki’s life was a trade off to get the rest of the gang out of harm’s way.)

Well… nobody wants to deal with a yūrei, especially when sitting vigil entails sitting in a trash laden alleyway.

… but that’s where Rikki lucks out! Clem discovers Rikki and decides to sit vigil. It’s the first time anyone’s ever done so and Rikki gets very emotional.

With no place to go—wanted by the Hidden city Police, her old gang keen on rubbing her out if they crossed paths, and her mother’s fury/the strictness of the family estate—Clem offers Rikki a job on the surface, stating it’s not a bad place to start over.

And so, Rikki leaves both the Hidden City & the spirit world behind for NYC. She lives in Clem’s shop for a while. But life on the streets as a criminal in the Hidden City is hard to shake. Rikki tends to swipe things from Clem’s secret store room and sells them to shady mutants/yōkai for a little extra pocket cash.

Rikki eventually gets tired of living in the candy store and answers an ad for someone looking for a roommate.

It turns out to be Red Fox. They get along great. Rikki even takes the risk of telling Red she’s a yūrei and Red doesn’t bat an eye!

Acceptance? A stable work environment? It’s more likely than you think!

Through Clem, Rikki meets the members of the Evil League of Mutants. They’re cool with one another (except Warren) and even goes as far as adding them to her ‘clientele’ — passing them ‘the good stuff’ from Clem’s stock room for food, money, or anything useful (you know, the barter system).

Does Rikki miss the Hidden City? Yeah, sometimes. Does she miss home? No, not really—but she does miss her younger siblings/cousins and she does feel guilty about not being there to protect them from her mother. She worries particularly for her baby cousin, Civette, who relied on Rikki’s presence. She’d write to her but the mail gets screened by her mother’s servants; too risky.

There’s this constant dread floating around Rikki. She fears of her mother finding out about her criminal record & her lies. And since Clem has ties with Big Mama (at least in my head he does), the thought of her old gang finding her whereabouts or causing trouble.

But for now, she’s got a good thing going: she’s employed, she has a roof over her head, a really great roommate (👀), and friends! Friends who care about her! It’s easier not to think the consequences will never catch her when things are finally looking up.

[islamicrays]

This past weekend my family and I went on a road trip to the mountains. As we drove down the long stretch of a seemingly endless freeway dodging all the big rig trucks, passing the empty desolate fields, and avoiding the dangers of the long windy roads up the mountains, I had some reflections about life and parenting.

Everything that we had experienced seemed analogous to the dunya and the countless spiritual pitfalls and struggles that human beings experience.

1. Life can seem sometimes like a long endless loop.

2. There are so many large obstacles to avoid all the time.

3. The isolation this dunya induces is very real for most people regardless of how socially connected they are.

4. The dangers are always there and require us to be vigilant constantly.

I then started to analyze the life cycle of the human being and the vital role that the parents play.

We are told by Allah (swt) that this dunya was designed to test us. Knowing this, the parent is tasked with preparing the child spiritually and fortifying them to come out of this test in the most unscathed state possible, spiritually speaking. In other words, the parent’s job is to protect and provide spiritual immunity to the child from the very beginning, the same way for example, a mother who nurses her child from the onset is able to provide immunity against physical disease through her breast milk.

So, what does spiritual immunity look like? Well, think of it like giving a child the spiritual building blocks for them to work with and build upon at a very early age.

1. For infancy through the younger toddler years, a child is heavily influenced by the spiritual state of the parent. We know that even what a mother consumes, for example, passes through the child in the womb and then in the breastmilk. In a similar way, the spiritual state of the mother and the father can have a positive and beneficial impact or a negative and deleterious one.

So, for example, if either parent is overwhelmed, under appreciated, undervalued, or worse, abused, abandoned, or neglected, the child or the children in the home will be impacted spiritually. They will witness negative things that they are not equipped to process or cope with and this will begin to compromise their spiritual immunity. Some of these effects can be reversed, but some may never go away at all—la qadr Allah.

On the flip side, when the parents are strong in their faith, they are on the same page and have healthy communication, and cultivate a home of love and respect, the child’s spiritual immunity is strengthened and enhanced. This doesn’t mean they will be completely inoculated and never tested spiritually, because everyone will have their own unique struggles regardless. It means that just witnessing the positive and God-centered exchanges of their parents, children in such environments are fortified with spiritual vitamins that optimize their immunity so that they can better resist spiritual diseases.

2. For older children, the parent's job is to strengthen their spiritual immunity through not only modeling healthy behavior but through instruction and education. Stories are powerful antioxidants that can help children develop the requisite mental pathways they need to avoid the countless spiritual pitfalls shaitan is constantly developing and tailoring for them.

So, for example, when we share stories from the Qur’an, or the sunnah, our intention should be clear: we are building our children’s spiritual immunity to this diseased and dangerous place called dunya. Thus, every story we share with them has to be with THAT intention. It’s not just history we’re teaching, it’s for them to grow in their love for Allah (swt) and His Beloved ﷺ, and to take their teachings as daily doses of healing that are designed to prevent the dunya and all of its diseases from reaching their heart.

Another powerful tool at our disposal is our OWN stories. When we share our experiences and actually engage in conversations with our children as opposed to shutting them out or sedating them with screens/games and other distractions because we’re too impatient to deal with them, we are helping them literally fortify their spiritual hearts and preventing them from learning difficult tests/lessons the hard way.

Thus, the more stories we share, the more open conversations we have, the more our children are spared from learning through suffering and pain. Think about the fact that since time immemorial, human beings from all backgrounds and cultures, have had oral traditions which included folktales, poetry/song, and popular stories passed down generation to generation. What was the purpose of that other than to teach and help prevent unnecessary pain and suffering?

We have strayed so far from that and we’re seeing it in our world today. Parents are often too busy with their own lives to talk to their children let alone tell them deep and personal stories, grandparents and other relatives are often too far or removed from the picture to do the same, and our children are left to their own devices—literally and figuratively, which means they have to teach themselves and often end up learning a LOT of difficult life lessons the hard way—through pain and suffering. And without the spiritual immunity they should have had from infancy, this means they are filled with spiritual diseases and have little to no recourse for getting the healing and treatment they need.

And what happens when people who are ill with spreadable disease come together? The diseases spread and wreak havoc on the entire group and beyond.

Look around our world and it becomes evident that the reason our children are suffering is because they are being raised by spiritually-immune-compromised parents which means they too will likely suffer the same fate.

Of course everything is in the hands of Allah (swt) and He guides whomever He wills, but we as parents who have been given guidance and are privileged to be able to use the faculties He has given us and the resources He has blessed us with, must rise to the occasion and first and foremost start with treating our own spiritual diseases, and then look to our children and help them fortify their spiritual hearts against disease. We can inoculate them against spiritual diseases through all of the things mentioned above: remembrance of God, love of Him and His Prophet ﷺ, and commitment to instructing them through important stories from the past and the present. The more stories we share with them, positive and inspiring ones as well as cautionary tales, the more we can help them.

If, however, we barely make the time to check in with them and are always rushing our conversations to go to the next activity or item on our daily agenda/itinerary, then why are we shocked when we find them engaging in something or meeting with someone that is harmful to them? They either lack the knowledge or skills to protect themselves or they are too spiritually weak to resist the temptations of shaitan. In either case, the parents could have been instrumental in preventing the harm.

May Allah (swt) help guide us and help us rid our own diseases first, and then help us protect our children from having to get sick from the affects of the dunya in order to learn life lessons. Amin.

-Ustadha Hosai Mojaddidi

[tinysatansierra-blog]

Markiplier manor is toxic here’s why

So Markiplier manor (Markipliers official discord server) has gotten a surplus of new people in it, this happened a few weeks ago the manor itself though has been up for awhile. originally a members only server it was eventually opened up for everyone and yes there are alot of genuinely good people and the mods are alright but unfortunately its becoming a toxic environment. 

SO EDIT i have discussed with the mods that being said ... im keeping this up as a reminder of we can do better we can help people who are struggling through something instead of shutting them down we can listen to people who are being oppressed and bravely point out new media that only worsens that oppression and stigmatization and not just the mods who i was kind of harsh towards but who are human everyone as a community can do better and this is a large community think of the work we can do just doing the basics like boycotting problematic content and helping those who cry out for it who need it (and noticing and shutting down manipulative/toxic behaviors) ... i dont know if im going to go back to the manor yet tho im going to let this sit give it a week yall can agree or disagree but know that if you try to be an ass your going to get shut down and your feelings are going to get hurt 

lets start with the basics “triggering topics” triggering topics can be anything in particular but it generally means a topic that relates to another persons trauma. Now while it is important to acknowledge a persons trigger words and try to keep the conversation respectable ive also noticed people use it to shut down people who come on freaking out because their dealing with a stressful situation/something traumatic just happened. This has happened to me personally and to a friend with me it was about being pro choice and having to in short make that actual choice. i was discussing this in the bathroom because i (like anyone else who comes in with baggage) did not know about any pro choice discords at that moment and was afraid of being stigmatized or going onto a discord that says its a safe space only for it to be filled with trolls. Mark manor is labeled as a safe space and many people come on there looking for support with me no one told me that the topic was triggering to them (which apparently it was because a friend of theirs had to make the choice not her herself think what you will) they just went to a mod early on when i just found the server as a member a friend (who i wont name) had gotten.... assaulted majority of her werent online and as someone who has been there and yes when she told me it did trigger my own trauma she needed moral support... the mod shut her down and deleted her comments and didnt give her a pointer to any other discord where she could discuss the topic openly and get moral support and be pointed to resources (it actually took me ten minutes to find and confirm a lgbtq therapy chat earlier this year for another individual discussing mental health) this was before i had gotten on for that day but i noticed those messages and i contacted her when she told me what was up yea it triggered my memories and its not fun but I FUCKING HELPED HER i made sure she went to the police to atleast file a statement (while the police dont always help it is good to have it on file) i even made her a plush and shipped it out to her and i would do it again and again because its not good to basically tell another person to shut up because it triggers others not without atleast trying to help them find another fucking place and making sure their actually ok and in a physical safe place  next is them claiming the manor is a “safe space” a safe space is by definition  “ a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” you would also think that the manor would be a safe space in the fact that marginalized and oppressed groups of people would be able to point out problematic content and have an open and free discussion about it and how it makes them uncomfortable. especially people of lgbtq community which alot of people in that chat are. yesterday (and this was what caused me to officially turn away from the server) in the patio (which is the members only chat) a Transgender individual pointed out the problematic content that is huniepop and how it fetishizes trans people as well as other minorities now this game i hear tries to make itself out as a “parody” .... its not its a sexual dating sim what would make it a parody is if sex noises were replaced with donkey sounds and the lewd pictures were replaced with poorly drawn doodles of tits or what have you its a game for incels marks hilarious when he plays it because he doesnt take the game seriously my issue isnt with him its with the developer. and if you did not know (which apparently people dont) the character poli is described as “a girl with a dick” the individual pointed this out because they felt like it dehumanizes them and paints them as nothing more than a fetish... and also apparently you can “choose” is poli is trans which kind of gives off the message that people can ignore trans peoples identity if it makes them uncomfortable... or if they dont sexualize them. and the muslim community is more or less in the same boat i come from the bible belt in usa im not muslim i am not trans but i do have a reason for standing with both and i will get to that in a bit so i was raised in a christian household in a christian setting like muslim women were basically told we cannot have sex and any sexual thought is sinful and we will be punished blah blah blah your even more closeted if your gay or bi because then you can face ... violence that being said to make the woman from the middle east hyper sexual like they did is kind of shitty even for a incel pleasing sex game. the individual who thought it would be ok to discuss this in the server because its labeled as a safe space and is generally “lgbtq” friendly thus believing he would have people agree and discuss ... was unceremoniously shut down by their peers and a mod was notified this person was not hostile maybe a bit frustrated because he wanted to talk about it and thought he would have this genuinely helpful conversation and people would listen and spread the word because to have problematic content be popular can isolate the oppressed group even more so WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THEM. if a group of marginalized people notice something problematic with content and you claim to be an ally of said group then you need to acknowledge and support what they say. they told him to go to twitter where he could potentially be bullied and written off ... because again its an INCEL PLEASING SEX GAME.(which means incels if you ever dealt with them will go and say anything to justify the game even using slurs and bullying) and to put the icing on the cake to change the topic they brought up robin ... i actually dont know who robin is as i dont really focus much on youtube creators personal stuff (it feels off for me to not personally know an individual but know their personal stuff without having actually talking to them its weird i know its a thing i have in my head) but apparently they recently came out as female and good for them im super proud of him and the patio members were discussing how they were proud of him as well for beginning to wear makeup and making themselves more feminine which would be great if they werent trying so hard to shut down the trans male who was trying to spread awareness on problematic stuff .... something he pointed out ... and something they gaslighted and said he was being hostile. really its almost as if they only care about trans issues when its someone famous discussing them  so what can we possibly do about huniepop being transphobic and the answer is very easy BOYCOTT IT like... yall were up in arms and boycotted jk rowling with snap and a turn do we only cancel the old and ugly? do we only cancel those who we dont think is funny? mark is not at fault he probably doesnt realize it and any comments made on the issue are talked down upon or drowned amongst other comments im not saying to cancel him im saying to cancel the game HARD. ignore the posts bitch at the dev demand refunds for your game. like consumers have infinitely more power than corps want to admit.  so you basically have a community that claims to be a safe space but only if you want to talk about sunshine and rainbows and its highly hypocritical of them to claim safety.  another thing is emotionally abusive/manipulative people hide in the server and the mods dont ever seem to acknowledge it. i cannot tell you how many times ive gotten into arguments with people who seems nice then turn into assholes then claim to be the victim when i or others go off on them. if you recognize my name you know i dont stand down when it comes to having a snarky or rude comment thrown at me if your going to be an ass were fighting i dont care how nice you seemed beforehand and you dont get to call a mod just because i actually stood up for myself or others sorry not sorry dont be a bitch nuff said.  now why would i care so much about problematic content? why would i care and stand by the transgender and muslim people (aside from being ya know... an actual ally and not someone who claims it for sympathy and brownie points?) its because i am autistic i am also able to function well on my own but there is a movie created by the famous singer sia it is called music it is a movie frowned upon by the autisitic community because infantizes and dehumanizes non verbal autistic people i am fortunate and unfortunate in not having to deal with much stigma unfortunate because i wasnt diagnosed until i was 17 alot of answers about my behavior could have been answered if i had been diagnosed earlier but considering society loves the quiet timid female and i functioned “well” for neurotypicals i was ignored. so yea you bet your ass im standing with them and raising awareness about huniepop and their was this one person when i mentioned this point i cant remember there name nor to do i give a shit about them because when i mentioned how autistic people ... how i was in the same boat with music by sia (again i advise that no one target the actress who was under contract target sia and please boycott her so she knows she cant get brownie points or money for a movie that stigmatizes who she claims she wants to “help” (*cough* profit off of *cough cough*) and only serves as a feel good movie for neurotypicals and ignorant people)  they said “i heard people who hated the movie i heard people who found it alright people are ALLOWED to like problematic content” ... and like ... does anyone else see the problem here? its not hard at all to boycott celebrities for making content  and im going to repeat this point  IF A GROUP OF MARGINALIZED, STIGMITIZED AND OPPRESSED PEOPLE CALL OUT SOMETHING FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC AND YOU CLAIM TO BE AN ALLY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM AND DONT SHUT THEM DOWN I DONT GIVE A SHIT YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING EXCUSE. if you cant bring yourself to boycott a piece of media and replace it with the infinitely more suitable forms that supports the group you claim to be for your not an ally your a fucking hypocrite  and that is why i left markiplier manor i am still a youtube special ... thingy member and i will continue to be a member to support mark i want people to overall listen to those who speak up against a creator and a piece of media and listen to us all no matter how “good” something seems. .. also there is a video called listen it was created by nonverbal autistic people  and communicationFIRST a group that sia apparently communicated with for her movie... and then ignored  https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8

[enneagramwingmiranda]

Parks and Recreation: The actual enneagram types of Leslie, Ron, Tom, April, Andy, Donna, Ben, Chris, and Jerry

The Protagonist: Leslie Knope [Type 3]

“I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.”

Enneagram Wing: 3w2 (Achiever along with a helper)

"I care. I care a lot. It's kinda my thing."

Core Fear: Being exposed as or thought incompetent, inefficient, or worthless; failing to be or appear successful

Core Desire: Having high status and respect, being admired, successful, and valuable

Leslie feels her purpose is to make the world a better place, specifically Pawnee, since this is the place she holds dear to her heart and is the most reachable for her. Her identity is defined by her work and her drive and passion are what allow her to continue to move up the latter. She takes rejection and set backs hard, however, she always gets back up and continues to move forward to reach her goals. Her influence shapes the hearts and minds of her coworkers. She inspires them to be better people and to find what they are meant to do in life and do it. Along with her go-getter attitude, she goes above and beyond for her friends (2) and they greatly appreciate her care and efforts. As for her childhood wound, she has described her mother as cold and withholding so we can only assume that she received praise and attention only from the achievements she made. Her mother also works in government and only respects those with an assertive and dominant presence. 

The Sensible Friend: Ann Perkins [Type 6]

“As Leslie’s maid of honor, I really need her bachelorette party to go well, which is why I’m stress eating gummy penises.”

Enneagram wing: 6w7 (Loyalist along with an enthusiast)

“I’m putting myself out there, meeting some new people, having some causal fun, and it’s awkward.”

Core Fear: Fearing fear itself, being without support, security, or guidance; being blamed, targeted, alone, or physically abandoned

Core Desire: Having security, guidance, and support

Ann is by far the most sensible character. She is the person everyone knows they can rely on. Andy unfortunately took advantage of this quality resulting in her becoming his caretaker rather than remaining an equal. Leslie appreciates her sensibility and this is what makes them such great friends. However, Leslie can trigger Ann’s already existing anxiety from her high expectations and good intentioned pushy behavior. Another side of the coin of is her fear of ending up alone. She is constantly dating and even settles a few times to avoid loneliness. It is when she takes the time to be single and soothes this fear that she and Chris end up together. Ann also has an adventurous streak. She likes to go out and have a good time. She just sometimes needs a little push from Chris, Leslie, or Donna.

The True Introvert: Ron Swanson [Type 5]

“That is a canvas sheet, the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art.”

Enneagram wing: 5w4|5w6 (Balanced)

“Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.”

Core Fear: Being annihilated, invaded, or not existing; being thought incapable or ignorant; having obligations placed upon you or your energy being completely depleted   

Core Desire: Being capable and competent 

Ron is an intellect, constantly going off on philosophical tangents about the corrupt ways of government, effective life hacks, and flawed human nature. He believes there is only one way to do things and his ways of going about things are very unique to himself (4). He is a non-conformist. He loves learning new things and adding to his craft. He is a breakfast and wood enthusiast. Ron is quite guarded and withdrawn from the world and prefers this. His childhood wound is that his mother was intrusive and over-controlling so we can assume he felt exposed and defenseless. This followed Ron in adulthood as he had many toxic relationships with women similar to her. Thus, Ron feels he is best served to live in isolation and fend for himself, as well as, rely on cerebral means rather than emotional means. Ron demonstrates his wing 6 with his desire to be safe and have security.

The Entrepreneur: Tom Haverford [Type 3]

“At the risk bragging, one of the things I’m best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit. 

Enneagram wing: 3w4 (Achiever along with an individualist)

“‘Zerts’ are what I call desserts. ‘Trée-trées’ are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz’ with a ‘z’ — I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cacc.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’”

Core Fear: Being exposed as or thought incompetent, inefficient, or worthless; failing to be or appear successful

Core Desire: Having high status and respect, being admired, successful, and valuable

Tom measures his entire worth from his successes and failures. He is extremely creative and is constantly coming up with unique ideas to form a successful business. 

The Misanthrope: April Ludgate [Type 4]

“I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree.”

Enneagram wing: 4w5 (Individualist along with investigator)

“If you ever speak me to me in Spanish please use the formal “usted”.

Core Fear: Being inadequate, emotionally cut off, plain, mundane, defective, flawed, or insignificant

Core Desire: Being unique, special, and authentic

April portrays major apathy but it’s clearly done to hide her genuine care and insecurity. She wants to be unique and special, thus overdoing it with her quirky, odd, eccentric, nonconformist talk and lifestyle. Her speech and way of behaving is an oxymoron. She deep down wants what everyone else wants: real love, real friendship, and a successful career. As she grows up and matures, she moves further away from her exaggerated dark persona to a normal expressive, mature adult. However, she adds in whatever she needs to to maintain her individuality. April also values cerebral pursuits shown in her getting accepted to an exceptional veterinary school. Her wing 5 is what helps her identify with so much with Ron.

The Charming Goofball: Andy Dwyer [Type 9]

“It’s fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired.”

Enneagram wing: 9w8 (Peacemaker along with the challenger)

“I’m not crying. I’m just allergic to jerks!”

Core Fear: Being in conflict, tension, or discord; feeling shut out and overlooked; losing connection and relationship with others 

Core Desire: Having inner stability and peace of mind

The epitome of Andy’s character is his easy-going nature. He is also very caring and thoughtful. He rarely ever voices if anything is bothering him and we see him go through great lengths to end any conflict between he and April. He attempts to make things right with Ann after their break up but doesn’t succeed. Andy possess a child-like mindset and view of the world and this is what seems to serve as a coping skill for the trials and tribulations of life. This also makes him endearing and what makes him perfect for April as she holds a similar mentality. 

The Nerd: Ben Wyatt [Type 1]

“I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it’s going to bug me if I don’t.”

Enneagram wing: 1w9 (Reformer along with peacemaker)

“Stick to the list and you’ll do great. I have total faith in you... (there’s like a 30% chance they’ll both die.)”

Core Fear: Being wrong, bad, evil, inappropriate, unredeemable, or corruptible

Core Desire: Having integrity, being good, balanced, accurate, virtuous, and right 

Ben is straightforward and willing to tell the truth, even if it could offend someone. He likes things to be in order. He often feels like the odd one out in the parks department because he values principles and professionalism while his colleagues behave inappropriately. He admires Leslie for her quirky professionalism. Ben also desires a peaceful environment and will keep quiet about things bothering him resulting in passive aggressive behavior.

The Optimist: Chris Traeger [Type 7]

“The world is my gymnasium, Ron.”

Enneagram wing: 7w6 (Enthusiast along with loyalist)

“I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I’m going to do.”

Core Fear: Being deprived, trapped in emotional pain, limited, or bored; missing out on something fun

Core Desire: Being happy, fully satisfied, and content

Chris is extremely positive all the time to cover up his true inner turmoil. He had a tough childhood and coped with the trauma by avoiding the negative emotions and putting his focus on his health. Thus he became a health nut. In the field of clinical psychology, he would most likely be diagnosed with orthorexia. Chris has a lot of anxiety about life and desires to feel a sense of safety in his life and relationships, thus making him fall into the wing 6. He desires the guidance and support from others (he started seeing a counselor 5 times a week during his depressive episode). 

The Minx: Donna Meagle [Type 8]

“You better watch yourself.”

Enneagram wing: 8w7 (Challenger along with enthusiast)

“Treat yourself.”

Core Fear: Being weak, powerless, harmed, controlled, vulnerable, manipulated, and left at the mercy of injustice

Core Desire: Protecting yourself and those in your inner circle

Donna is the epitome of “an independent black woman who don’t need no man.” She essentially dos onto others what she fears they will do onto her.  Thus, she manipulates and abuses vulnerable men to get what she wants and then leaves them. We can assume that something happened in her childhood that resulted in this relationship pattern. She discusses her grandma dying while having a threesome so this behavior was certainly model for her. She falls on the 7 wing for her enjoyment of life's greatest pleasures. 

The Target: Jerry Gergich [Type 9]

“So I go by Terry now. They already had a Larry in the Parks department, and they suggested that they change my name to Terry. I told them my real name was Garry, and they said ‘who cares?’ What a fun bunch of guys.”

Enneagram wing: 9w1 (Peacemaker along with reformer)

“Well, you know it's like I always say 'it ain't government work if you don't have to do it twice.”

Core Fear: Being in conflict, tension, or discord; feeling shut out and overlooked; losing connection and relationship with others

Core Desire: Having inner stability and peace of mind 

Jerry is clearly a peacemaker in that he keeps his mouth shut despite his constant abuse from his colleagues at the parks department. He identifies with Andy in that Tom was trying to dub him as the new office target due to his similar easygoing nature and clumsiness. He shows that he is a wing 1 in his values of goodness and morality.

[wodezhenxin]

Andrea Bomo on A Fatherless Child

When my dad left- a shift happened not only in my life but also in my mind: I had to create a new paradigm where being strong was the only choice I had. The only way to survive. I was fortunate enough to still have my mother at this critical time. But this void my dad left, this painful and timeless trauma, remained unchanged. I was fatherless and broken, no matter what I would do to hide or forget it. “Daddy’s issues” ruined a big part of my life, but I was too busy being strong to notice. What started as a defense mechanism became my personality. A few years later, the young woman I have become is changed, for better and for worse. My strength, resilience and courage became my greatest allies. My vulnerability, insecurities, fear of abandonment became my demons. My story is perhaps painful, but far from being isolated.

Many teenage girls and young women around the world suffer from emotional trauma due to father loss whether it’s caused by death, abandonment, divorce, imprisonment, addiction, emotional or physical absence. Whatever the circumstances causing the absence of the father are, the impact is critical as the father-daughter relationship strongly influences key factors of personal development among young women such as: relationships, self-esteem, aspirations, confidence and self-love. Over the years, they become vulnerable young women who find it harder to build healthy personal and professional lives as they are building their lives, relationships, aspirations, and self-representation on the basis of this trauma, especially when it occurs during adolescence. They suffer from trust issues, low self-esteem and fear of abandonment which create the unhealthy need to be accepted and loved at all costs. Most of the time, these symptoms usually go unnoticed and unacknowledged as these young women do not necessarily understand the root issue causing their behavior, and build a façade around themselves. From dysfunctional behaviors, unhealthy relationships to chronic depression, the fatherless daughter syndrome can take several forms over the years and even be forgotten for some time, without actually disappearing. Rather, it gives rise to a vicious cycle of self-destruction mechanisms, self-doubt, and unhealthy or abusive relationships in their lives. Because we feel unloved and unworthy, we search for love and validation in all the wrong places, which make us vulnerable and exposed to both physical and emotional abuse. The social and economic environment as well as the family structure are factors that influence or reinforce the impact of fatherlessness in the lives of girls and young women. Having a support system is crucial in this context as girls often feel vulnerable and struggle to open up about what they experience, yet millions of children around the world go through the same thing. A survey of the U.S. Census Bureau estimated at 24.7 million the number of children who live without the physical presence of their biological father in the United States. While in Canada, over 80% of single-parent families are led by women (www.imfcanada.org / Statistics Canada). Fatherlessness is the greatest social problem in North America according to 72.2% of the U.S. population (National Center for Fathering). Other studies show that 71% of teenage pregnancies comes from fatherless homes and 92% of girls who come from fatherless home are more likely to divorce. These statistics demonstrate that children thrive with the active and meaningful participation of both parents, and fathers play an important role in child and teen development. Understanding the impact of fatherlessness in young women’s lives specifically, the emotional trauma caused by father loss and the consequences on society is key if we want to build a healthier society.

The father-daughter relationship has a strong impact on the mental construct of teenage girls. If this relationship is broken for various reasons whatsoever, the young woman suffers and it has an impact on almost every aspect of her life.

Since childhood, fathers have a critical impact on their daughters’ lives as they are both their first guides to the outside world and their first reflections of themselves, symbol of recognition of their own value. A healthy and uninterrupted relationship between a father and a daughter greatly helps to create a positive self-image and therefore will have a positive influence on her aspirations and relationships. When this relationship is suddenly broken for some reason, the daughter’s cycle of identity development is also interrupted. Adolescence and preadolescence are critical times where young women build themselves: their body change, they make a transition from girls to young women, and in this transition, the father’s role is important. The emotional trauma caused by father loss not only weakens the girl, but creates a void she will somehow try to fill by all means possible.

Consequently, she becomes exposed to all forms of danger and abuse. Fatherless young women often become self-destructive, violent, vulnerable, sexually promiscuous, prone to abuse, unstable and develop a conflictual relationship with their femininity and sexuality. They find it difficult to trust and live in constant fear of abandonment which sometimes lead them to make unhealthy choices for themselves in order to please others and feel accepted. In their professional and social lives, the absence of a paternal figure, that of a guide and protector, manifests itself through a lack of self-worth and consequently create more difficulties for them to be stable and become autonomous. Or conversely, they become obsessed with their professional achievements that give them the illusion to fill that void.

Romantic relationships is undoubtedly the area in which the impact of father loss is felt the most in young women’s life. Growing up, a father figure is similar to that of the “Prince Charming”, a sort of masculine ideal in a girl’s mind. It’s her first male reference, one that embodies the values necessary for her to build her identity: guidance, protection, authority, discipline, kindness, confidence and absolute love. When they become adults, women’s choices of partners are highly influenced by this ideal (and illusory) image of the father figure and the relationship they had or would have loved to have with him, thus causing unhealthy and often abusive relationships. Many of these women will particularly struggle during separation and break-ups as they make an emotional projection of their dads on their partner, while others experience more difficulties to trust, express their feelings and commit. It is common that fatherless young women unconsciously repeat the same relationships patterns that manifest through a constant fear of abandonment, insecurities, difficulties to open up, a conflictual relationship to male authority and defense mechanisms. They usually create a shell around themselves that seems strong on the outside, but deep inside, they remain extremely vulnerable.

But relationships could also be where healing happens. I believe I’m a proof of that. After several chaotic relationships, being with the right partner finally helped me understand my trauma — a trauma I didn’t even know existed and patterns I never paid attention to. I became more aware, and it was the beginning of my healing journey. Being in a healthy relationship where you feel safe, you can trust and open up without the fear of being vulnerable can really be therapeutic. On the other hand, a lot of (broken) men take advantage of vulnerable young women with the Fatherless Daughter Syndrome: because they can see their wounds, they will use it against them. And that’s when relationships become abusive.

In this growing social issue, I believe everyone has a role to play. Mothers play a fundamental role in building a positive identity and self-esteem in young women and girls, but most of the time, they lack the tools to understand their daughter’s critical needs triggered by their father’s absence. And since they are not aware of it, they are not be able to fix it. In certain cases, the presence of a stepfather or a strong male figure can be positive in the lives of fatherless young women, without necessarily filling the void nor healing her wounds, it can provide the guidance, trust and safety they need. But the real work is within as it takes a real introspection and emotional support to undo self-destruction patterns caused by years of emotional suffering and denial. A trauma remains like an open wound as long as it is not addressed.

[polskasroka]

“Ach So Gern” Interpretation Part 2

Again, I have to give credits to lovely @chloeamanda and @kvidasjuklingur. Thank you very much again for encouraging me to write it 💖

So it’s time to give you my interpretation of Ach So Gern music video, which matches the subject of the lyrics really well, it even gives it more darkness than it already has. It also brings new aspects to the song, that might not be present in it or might not be as noticeable as in the video.

The video starts with the song playing in the background (here sung by a woman), to which another woman is dancing. Then, she puts on a black jacket and a black mask, which is an indicator that the guards that can be seen moments later are also women. Or that among them there is at least one woman.

And that’s all that I’m writing about what is happening in the music video because everyone can watch it on their own and there’s no need for me to describe every scene there. I’m going to focus more on things that have symbolic meaning and on my interpretations of said symbols. Because I don’t want to bore you with the things that are obvious.

Let’s begin with the place. In the first scene the woman is in a basement-like room, the walls are old and dirty, the room itself is cold and filthy. Next, we can see that the place doesn’t end on the basement, it’s a huge building complex, which looks like a prison/asylum. I’d rather go with the second option or with the mix of both of them. This gives us a hint that the womanizer telling the story, who is played by Till here, is a crazy person. A lunatic. And a perpetrator at the same time. Thus, we can say that he surely isn’t there because of his own will. The scenes in which he’s in that “cage” outside or locked up in a cell also confirm that fact.

The next thing that is easily noticeable is his outfit. He’s wearing a rich red suit with a hat. Red is a colour of passion, lust and/or love. It’s also a symbol of sex, blood and war. It means that these clothes can be a reflection of his lust towards women, of ein Meer von Libido, which he’s said to have fallen into. The second meaning, the one connected with blood, may lead to a different thinking – the red suit represents his violence, his disability to see the fact that he hurt women. Naturally, the red outfit can be symbolising these two aspects at the same time.

What is connected to this vivid suit is the moment when the guards take a piece of it off him. Does it mean that they want to get rid of this violent and lustful side of the womanizer’s nature? That they want to strip away the layers of filth that this man has inside, very metaphorically? It’s highly possible.

Another moment with the red suit is the one, when he’s somewhere with snow all around. The suit is in its best form here, clean and neat, with every piece of it on. In combination with the artificial woman, a plastic doll, he’s dragging and then dancing with, it gives the full view of the way he treated women. It can’t be clearer that they were like toys to him, that he was obsessed with sex with different women, without any love of course. There is no word about love that isn’t the physical one. What does the snowy environment mean though? I have a theory that it represents the cold of the world around him, from which he isolates himself by having sex with women. I also have the second theory (that seems to go too far even to me). The white snow might be a symbol of peace and harmony in the world or the innocence and tranquillity of the women. The hero of the song is an interrupter here, someone who breaks the law and peace.

The other aspect of the video are the black and white scenes. There’s not much to say about them, I suppose. I see them as retrospections and memories from the time when the hero was free. At the beginning there are more sensual parts, with the woman’s milk being a literal interpretation of Ich hatte einfach alles lieb. However, the violent scenes are also there. It’s clear that at one point he was choking her and she tried to stop him but failed. A moment later he slapped her across her face and from here it’s almost obvious that he abused her or raped her. The lyrics and the music video are quite clear about it.

The parts in which the guards were beating him or splashing water over him doesn’t seem to mean more than just that they wanted to punish him for what he’d done to women. Considering the fact that they might be women too, it can be taken as a vengeance for all the other women he hurt back in the day. I have another far-going theory with the white powder washed down by the water later. Apart from the fact that it can be a kind of soap (?) or whatever it is to clean or sanitise him and a regular torture of pouring water over someone in the cold, it can be a symbol of how he took the peace and innocence from the women (the white powder), how violent it was and how it must’ve hurt them (as much as water all over your body does while you’re out on the freeze).

I think the last part I should focus on is the one, in which he eats his own photo. As much as it can be seen as a kind of personal catharsis, there’s also a way to match it to the music video. It might represent that when he was a child, someone hurt him in a similar way (physically, but maybe also mentally). This affected him so much that he became a man who would seduce and hurt others, mainly women. The act of eating his own photo might be representing that. After that we can see him throwing up and this can be a symbol of his inner pain, of how he hates himself because of who he is or because of what someone did to him when he was young. It made him go crazy and in the end led him to an asylum. The last seconds of the music video, in which he screams, give us definite evidence that the man is a lunatic.

Again, you might not agree with my interpretation of the music video and it’s completely fine. I’d be glad to see your opinions on it. 

It was a lot of fun to write those two texts. If you’d like to read more interpretations, let me know!

In Part 1, which is also on my blog, I’ve shared my interpretation of the lyrics of Ach So Gern.

[sayeyav507]

How to Crate Train Your Puppy

Knowing how to crate your dog is great.

Knowing how to organize your schedule to succeed is great.

But how you can do both? https://puppyhealth225.blogspot.com/2020/07/it-is-important-for-your-boy-to-choose.html

Today I have something...

... that will make you feel like you are an expert dog trainer.

In today's post I am going to show you exactly step by step how to crate train your puppy. This method can be used for crate training an older dog as well.

And for those who are wondering what can I do instead of crate training for a dog then the answer is to use a separate room which I will cover in a separate post.

Look:

Crate training your puppy is the most effective, fool proof and humane method to train your puppy, especially if your goal is to train your puppy in seven days!

Some believe crate training a dog to be cruel or barbaric. However, if you will evaluate crate training from a dog's viewpoint, you will find that it actually meets an innate desire for a safe place to call his own.

How does crate training helps your puppy?

It is in their genetic makeup to want a secure and sheltered area to rest. Many times in the effort to create their own "den" a puppy or dog will curl up in a box or under a low table. Crate training can help to satisfy this very natural instinct in your puppy, and will provide you with several benefits as well.

Offering your dog its own crate meets your pet's instinctive needs and allows you some control in housebreaking endeavors. Moreover, crate training is a form of dog obedience which will benefit your canine.

So understanding what makes a good crate for your puppy would be your first step.

The most effective crate is one that is just barely big enough so that your dog can lie, stand and turn around. If you give the puppy too much space it will destroy the den concept, and will give your pet the option of soiling half of the crate and still having a clean area in which to rest.

Once a crate has been purchased, you will want to give your puppy or dog time to investigate. Just leave the crate on the floor with the door open until your puppy becomes used to having it around. Placing dog treats and a towel might help your puppy gain an interest in exploring the crate.

After your puppy is familiar with the crate, close your dog inside the crate for ten to fifteen minutes. Stay right there with your puppy perhaps even putting your fingers through the wire of the crate.

Your puppy needs to be assured that this new environment is safe and secure. After ten or fifteen minutes open the door and let the puppy stay or leave at his will. This should be done several times that first day getting your little one accustomed to his crate.

The crate is to be his safe space and should never be used to punish your puppy. The time in the crate should be as enjoyable as is possible. Toys and treats can help to establish this setting of harmony and peace.

Crate training helps you teach your little one not to use the bathroom inside. Dogs instinctively desire to keep their den clean. Dogs do not want to sleep in a soiled area and will do all within their power to hold it until they are taken to their designated potty spot.

If you have a crate that is the proper fit for your puppy he is going to do all in his power to refrain from using the bathroom until you let him outside. Crate training makes it a simple way to schedule regular trips to his designated potty spot.

You may be wondering:

"Which is the best location to place the crate"

It is important to determine the crate's ideal location. You need to put the crate in a location that will remain consistent. This may be a high-traffic area where your family spends a lot of time, but you may also want to provide the dog with some rest time removed from activity, especially at night. Dogs are social animals and some breed even more so than others.

They enjoy being near their family so that they can see what is going on around them and can feel like a part of things. This is very fulfilling to a dog. Since being in a crate should be a positive experience and they should want to spend time there, you don't want to stick them away in a quiet room or out of the way place in the house. They will feel punished, excluded and isolated; and that will not make for a serine, happy puppy.

Here is the deal:

Make sure you place the crate in a busy area of the home where they are able to see and hear what is going on with their family. Usually kitchen or living room areas are ideal locations for a crate. Keep in mind that you would like this area to be free of uncomfortable drafts, not too close to a heat source (radiator, fireplace or vent). You will want to avoid direct sunlight. As much as you are able to give the location of your crate should be neither too hot nor too cold.

If your puppy is very young, you may want to consider moving the crate into your bedroom at night, or placing them in a portable carrier or second crate. The very young puppy has just gone from being with his mother and perhaps siblings to being alone. This can leave them stressed and feeling abandoned which will result in whining and crying. You don't want to make the mistake of putting the puppy in bed with you as that will confuse him as to who is the alpha - him or you. But, neither do you want him to feel frightened and alone.

A puppy will get great comfort and a feeling of safety and security being able to sleep near their family, especially during those first few days in a strange new place.

It isn't essential you have them sleep in your bedroom with you, but it may be beneficial. After a few days, begin to move the crate slowly to where you want them to sleep as they have time to adjust to their new environment. Simply move the crate further away every few nights until you have removed them from the bedroom and where you want them to be.

Some ideas of the proper toys and bedding to place in your crate would be tough chew toys. There are many benefits to leaving two or three tough chew toys in the crate with your puppy. It will provide your puppy with something to occupy their minds and keep them from becoming bored.

It will give them an alternative to chewing up their bedding, which could be detrimental to their health. It reinforces that being in the crate is a time for some of their favorite things, thus making the crate a happy place for them. It also will help reduce the likelihood of your puppy chewing on your belongings.

It is important to be aware that soft stuffed teddy bears and easily chewed squeaky toys should only be given to your puppy under supervision and never left in the crate. They will likely get destroyed, but your puppy could inject pieces causing intestinal blockages.

How long does it take to crate train a puppy... ?

The most important thing about crate training is to follow a strict schedule so that your puppy becomes accustomed to routine! If this sample schedule is adhered to you will be well on your way to having your puppy potty trained in record time!

Adhere to a 24-hour schedule. To house train your dog in 7 days, you need to meticulously follow a schedule. This will establish a routine for both you and your dog. Your puppy needs to go out first thing in the morning, after meals and play times, and before bedtime. Each moment should be accounted for.

This is a sample routine for someone who is home all day.

Make sure to give your puppy a bathroom break during the night.

You probably wondering...

... How long can a dog stay in a crate.

The maximum time you are able to leave a young puppy is four hours so with a very young puppy you will need to set your alarm clock for every two to three hours. After the alarm goes off take your puppy out of the crate and give him a chance to relieve himself in his designated potty spot. Then quietly put him back into the crate.

Older dogs can wait longer, but you need to make sure they do not go in their crate overnight, or all that hard work in the day time is basically undone. During this time do not fuss or even speak to the puppy except to give him his potty instructions - the same words and same tone as during the day. You don't want to give him the idea that night-time is play time.

What's the bottom line?

A crate is an ideal place to keep your belongings safe and secure and your puppy safe and secure while you are away. Another thought is that a crate is also the most secure and convenient way to transport your dog as it will keep him protected while in the car and is a necessity for airline travel.

As with anything, a crate can be abused. You may be tempted to keep your puppy there throughout the day or to use it as a way to punish him. This will just undermine the training process and perhaps make your puppy hate the crate when it should in fact be his haven!

When you are crate training all feedings initially should be done inside of the crate. Make sure you leave the door open while you are feeding your puppy. The association with food will make it a great place for him.

Your puppy needs you as the owner to be consistent in your routine but also in the words you use to instruct him. Just as you will want to use the same phrase with the same exact inflection when teaching your puppy his designated potty spot; you will also want to use the same phrase and same inflection when instructing him to get inside of his crate. You need to choose the same word each time.

A command such as "crate time" or "get in your Kennel" with the same exact hand gesture will help him to understand what is expected of him. When the puppy goes in say the command, and when you feed him at meal times say the same command. When your puppy obeys give him a treat to show him your pleasure. It is best that your puppy not associate his crate with being alone.

So in the early days of training make sure that you or someone familiar is able to be with him as he acclimates to his crate. Those early days can also be benefited by keeping a puppy journal. It may sound impractical to keep a journal of the times your puppy needs to go potty, but it may in fact prevent unwanted accidents to have a written documentation of his successes and his accidents.

A regular feeding schedule will help to insure a more regular bathroom schedule. Remember it is critical to not punish your puppy for accidents, teaching your puppy to eliminate outdoors is a process that takes patience and time.

[dogbearinggifts]

“Dad Sent Me to the Moon” vs. “Because Dad Made Me”

How Luther and Vanya Talk About Trauma, Part Eight

This is part eight of my series comparing how Luther and Vanya discuss their own trauma and respond to the trauma of others. If this is your first time seeing it on your dash, you can catch up with prior installments here: 

Part One Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five  Part Six  Part Seven

A quick note for this installment: I will only cover part of Episode 9. This is mainly because I got a bit verbose and didn’t want it to get too long. 

Episode 9, Part One: Changes (aka The One With That Scene™) 

Our first trauma mention this episode comes shortly after Vanya discovers her father’s journal in Leonard’s bag. 

Leonard: Vanya, I can explain. Vanya: You’ve been manipulating me all this time? Leonard: No, that’s not true. I’m only trying to protect you. Vanya: From who? Leonard: From your family! They’re the ones trying to hurt you. Vanya, it’s all there, in that journal. Your father was afraid of you. That’s why he put you on those pills. It wasn’t to help you. It was to hold you back. He didn’t trust that you were strong enough to control your powers, but I’ve never been afraid of you. I embraced you. I’m the only one who ever accepted you for who you really are. Your brothers and your sister, they went along with him every step of the way. Vanya: Who is Harold Jenkins? Leonard: He’s….someone like us. A lonely boy. An outsider whose family was cruel to him. All he ever wanted was to be heard, to be loved. Vanya: Allison was right. You’re sick. Leonard: I’m not the one who tried to kill you.

So, the first thing I’ll point out about this exchange is that Vanya jumped to the right conclusion upon finding that book. Her habit of jumping to conclusions has led her further and further down the road to the apocalypse up to this point, and those conclusions (assuming her siblings intentionally excluded her from their meeting because they don’t consider her family; assuming Allison Rumored her because she was jealous) have been wildly incorrect. But in this case, her interpretation of the facts is 100 percent correct. 

Another thing that jumped out at me about this conversation is that the things Leonard says to Vanya? The reasons he gives her for pushing her away from her family and manipulating her into lashing out against them? Those words echo what certain corners of the fandom say about Vanya’s siblings. Not about Leonard being the only one who embraced her for who she is (no one is agreeing with him on that) or about why Reginald put her on her meds (he’s actually right on that one). But when he says that her “brothers and sister went along with him every step of the way,” that sounds eerily similar to what some segments of this fandom say about Vanya’s relationship with her siblings. Furthermore, based on a few excerpts we’ve gotten from her book (namely, the passage where she assumes her siblings “learned cruelty” from Reginald and excluded her accordingly) Leonard’s words echo Vanya’s worst and widely publicized allegations against her siblings. 

And he’s patently wrong. 

There is a chance her siblings excluded her intentionally in childhood, although Allison’s surprise at seeing Vanya off by herself in so many of the security tapes seems to refute this. But in the present, the biggest moment when Vanya was excluded by her siblings—when she walked in on that emergency meeting and Allison told her it was a “family matter”—was both unintentional and a result of Vanya’s own choices. Early on, Diego does tell her she doesn’t belong there, but clarifies that it’s because of the book she wrote; when he later says “She shouldn’t get a vote,” it’s implied that he’s still angry with her because of her book; he’s not leaving her out because of her lack of powers. Reginald may have enforced Vanya’s isolation in childhood, but from what we’ve seen of her adulthood thus far, it seems Vanya’s own choices have isolated her from her siblings far more than Reginald’s influence on them. 

Furthermore, Allison did not try to kill Vanya. She didn’t even attempt to Rumor her until Vanya made it abundantly clear that she would not be reasoned with and Allison was left with her power as her only defense. She came unarmed, her behavior was nowhere near threatening, and the only reason Vanya saw it as threatening is because she refused to trust her sister’s own account of an event that had haunted her for decades. 

Yet a not-insubstantial portion of the fandom not only fails to see this evidence refuting Leonard and Vanya’s assumptions, but they actually agree with Vanya’s emotionally abusive boyfriend who stalked and isolated her so he could use her powers for his own ends. 

I’m not even going to go into how deeply disturbing that is. 

As for what comes after this exchange—namely, Leonard’s death. I’m torn. On the one hand, I’m not going to say Leonard didn’t deserve what he got, because this is a man who has murdered two people (that we know of) with little remorse and is perfectly willing to end the world if it means he gets his petty revenge on the Umbrella Academy for something they didn’t even do. He smiled when he saw Allison’s throat pouring blood and tried to convince Vanya that her sister deserved to die. This man is dangerous, he is toxic, and the world is a safer place without him in it. 

On the other hand, Vanya’s reaction is…troubling, to say the least. She doesn’t lash out at him when he confesses to murdering Helen Cho, and she doesn’t lash out when he lies about her family and tries to manipulate her into seeing Allison’s presumed death as a good thing. No, she lashes out at him when he begins calling her ordinary in a deliberate attempt to enrage her. What causes her to snap is not horror at his actions or empathy for her siblings, but the fact he is forcing her to relive her childhood trauma. 

Furthermore, her retribution is….let’s call it disproportionate. She doesn’t run out screaming, and she doesn’t pin him up against the wall so she can make a getaway. Both of these would be the actions of a timid woman who abhors violence, but Vanya impales him with every vaguely sharp object in his kitchen and walks away without a tear in her eye. 

I’m not going to say Leonard’s behavior isn’t awful here, because it is. And I have a hard time mustering a single ounce of sympathy for him. But he wasn’t threatening her. He didn’t have a gun or even a knife in his hands; he had a book. He didn’t block the exit; Vanya could have easily ran for the door and started screaming until the neighbors ran to her aid. He was simply slamming a book against his hand and chanting “Ordinary! Ordinary! Not special! Nothing!” It is this that makes Vanya decide he must die. 

It’s entirely possible that she was leaning toward killing him when he confessed to murdering Helen, and it’s equally possible that this notion became stronger when she heard what he had to say about her siblings. It’s clear she’s afraid of him in this scene; however, as in her earlier confrontation with Allison, Vanya is the one with the real power here. She is the one who can commit a gruesome murder without lifting a finger. Leonard is the one at her mercy. 

Unlike in her confrontation with Allison, Vanya exhibits no horror or remorse. She doesn’t even pause as the reality of what she’s done hits her full force. She simply gazes at his lifeless body and walks away. 

Like the scene where she slit Allison’s throat, this one refutes the theory that Vanya’s tendency toward violence and desire for revenge at any cost is a direct result of Luther locking her up, because at this point, she has not yet returned to the Academy. Luther knows of her powers by now, but she hasn’t seen him. Yet here she is, murdering her abusive boyfriend without a single twinge of conscience. Leonard may be the very definition of an asshole victim, but that does not make Vanya’s complete and utter indifference toward the sight of his mangled corpse any less disturbing. 

******

Our next trauma mention comes when Luther is sitting beside Allison in the infirmary. She is unconscious and covered in blood, but stable. 

Luther: I know that peaceful dark place you’re in right now. And I know the pain you’ll be in when you leave it and wake up…to someone who’s not quite you anymore. When I woke up, I was angry. I was angry that you were gone, that you’d moved on with your life. And I was still stuck here, alone with Dad in this shitty old house. But I was wrong, because I pushed everyone away and…and that’s including the only person I love with all my heart. Crying Allison, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. And I won’t let you wake up alone. 

I’d like to take a minute to say that this fandom needs to CTFD* about Allison/Luther. Not only because 1) it’s a small portion of the series itself and 2) Netflix harnesses new, cutting-edge, downright revolutionary technology allowing viewers to simply skip the “Dancing in the Moonlight” scene, but because the rather disproportionate fury toward the pairing overshadows the sweetness Luther exhibits in this scene. 

Since I brought it up and I know there’s a good chance it’ll become a Thing if I don’t, I’m going to make my stance on Allison/Luther clear: I am neutral. I don’t ship it, but it doesn’t fill me with rage, either. It was a thing in the comics, and when I read those, I simply saw it as another result of their fucked-up childhood. These are two kids raised in a cloistered environment, addressed by numbers instead of names, and taught more about all the many, many ways to hurt an assailant than they are about the birds and the bees (or whatever sort of lesson “don’t date your siblings even if you’re both adopted” would pop up in). If I were writing the series, I would not have added it in, but the fact it’s there doesn’t ruin the show for me and I feel no desire whatsoever to shame those few fans who do ship SpaceRumor. Klaus/Dave exists. I’d rather spend my time obsessing over a ship that makes my heart sing, cry, and sing while crying than spend it berating others for enjoying a ship that makes my heart go “meh.”

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way….

This is a sweet scene, no doubt about it. Luther isn’t confessing his love to her; he’s confessing something even more difficult to share—his guilt. He knows he treated her badly after his accident. He knows he was angry with her, and he knows that was wrong. In this scene, Luther proves he has not only changed and grown beyond what he was mere days prior, but he exhibits a healthy degree of self-awareness. 

What he says here, “I know the pain you’ll be in when you leave it and wake up…to someone who’s not quite you anymore”—that’s what empathy is. That’s what it looks like in practice. He knows how Allison will feel, because he’s felt that way. He knows how horrific it is to wake up and find that your body has been altered, but that knowledge isn’t limited to Oh, this was bad for me and so I’m going to protect myself from anything that resembles it. His recognition of the injustice he suffered leads him to ensure someone else in the same situation won’t suffer everything he suffered. He can’t reverse the damage, but he can be there when she wakes up—and he’s going to do it. 

But I’d like to call your attention to something else, something that’s even more overlooked than the kindness of Luther’s words: “Allison, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.” 

Some fans have already pointed out that Luther’s whole identity is wrapped up in his position as Number One. Sometimes this is used to draw attention to his anxiety and lack of confidence; sometimes it’s used to accuse him of being Sir Reginald 2.0. But what the latter group forget is that Luther’s identity as Number One is built on the notion of him as not just a hero, but a leader of heroes. He’s not supposed to be the one rushing in after shit has already gone down to do whatever he can to assist victims; he’s supposed to be the one who gets to the scene before shit goes down, the one who keeps the victims from becoming victims and sends everyone home with smiles on their faces. To Luther, always getting the front seat and taking the lead in family meetings are small components of what being Number One is all about. The crux of his identity, the core of being Number One, is saving people. 

And in his eyes, he has failed at that. 

Never mind that he didn’t know Allison was in danger until Diego told him. Never mind that he had no way of knowing Vanya had powers or that Allison would find her instead of Leonard. Never mind that there was no possible way he could have made it to the cabin in time. To Luther’s mind, it was his responsibility to be the hero before Allison knew she’d need one, and all of those things we consider justifications for his absence are excuses to him. 

Luther’s extreme dedication to his every task is what gained Reginald’s favor. But there’s a dark side to dedication, and we see it here with Luther’s self-blame for something that was absolutely not his fault. Knowing Reginald, he likely encouraged this self-blame. When that persistent voice in Luther’s head tells him he should have been there to save Allison before things got ugly, I’d be willing to bet it sounds a lot like Sir Reginald. 

*******

Now, I would like to talk about That Scene. You know the one. Luther, Vanya, and a very bad hug? 

I’m not going to reproduce the dialogue, because it’s not relevant to the points I’d like to discuss. I’m less interested in what is said—and even in what happens—than in the oft-ignored context surrounding it, so that is what I will focus on. 

Let me get this out of the way first: I don’t like what Luther does in this scene. It’s so difficult to watch that I nearly always skip it. What he does to Vanya is horrifying, the scene is horrifying, and I don’t support his actions at all. However, I’ve seen some fans taking him to task for not giving her some of her meds, which have been proven effective. Leaving aside the fact that 1) all of those pills were with Vanya when Leonard flushed them down the drain and 2) her pharmacy will absolutely not give Luther an early refill for someone else’s medication just because he asks nicely, I have a question: 

How was he supposed to get her to take them? I mean…..

Luther: Heyyyyyyyy, Vanya! Long time no see! We’re having a cranberry juice party! Can’t come in until you drink this whole glass of cranberry juice!  Vanya:  Luther:  Vanya: What the fuck kind of party is— Luther: IT’S ALSO A NO-QUESTIONS PARTY! 

Arguably, that would have been even worse. 

Now, part of what makes this scene so awful is that we know Vanya does not plan to harm her siblings. We know she’s genuinely remorseful, and that she has returned simply to say she’s sorry. However, what I think many fans forget is that there is an enormous gap between what we the audience know and what Luther knows. We’ve seen Vanya immediately scream and rush to Allison’s side, trying in vain to stanch the bleeding. We’ve seen Leonard drag her away, and we’ve seen her sit nearly catatonic in the tub as he washes the blood off. We’ve seen her break down at Allison’s message, and we’ve seen her horror as she realizes that this is what Leonard wanted all along. Speaking more broadly, we’ve seen her display the full spectrum of emotion: anger at her siblings, yes, but also joy at getting first chair, gentle teasing when she tells Leonard she’s “sorry you got the ordinary one,” confusion and horror as she replays the fight outside the restaurant in her mind. 

Luther has seen less than five percent of that. 

He wasn’t at the cabin when Vanya slit Allison’s throat, and the only thing Allison has said to him about it is VANYA POWERS. He got the rest of the truth from Pogo, who as we know is practically allergic to saying anything negative about Reginald.** Pogo would never have told Luther that the anechoic chamber frightened Vanya when she was a child, let alone the way Reginald left her alone in there, shaking and crying as he simply walked away. If Luther said something to the effect of “This seems a little extreme,” Pogo probably would have responded with, “Her powers were simply too great. He believed they are limitless, and endlessly destructive. Your sister had little interest in controlling them. This was the only way to keep all of you safe—including Miss Vanya.” So, if you’re arguing that Luther intentionally made her relive her childhood trauma, stop. Just….stop. 

Furthermore, the Vanya Luther has known all his life has been a zombie. She’s been on those pills since she was four, and so he probably has few, if any, memories of Vanya displaying much emotion at all. The only strong emotion he’s seen from her in the course of this series came when she flew off the handle because she erroneously assumed she had been intentionally left out of a very awkward conversation. To us, Vanya’s conduct is a heartfelt display of genuine relief and remorse. To Luther, it probably comes across as overacting. 

So, to recap, here’s what we know: 

Vanya went off her meds involuntarily and just recently learned what the pills actually did. 

She has spent much of that time being ruled by her emotions, never even thinking to stop and take a deep breath until she crossed a line. 

Believing she killed Allison was a turning point for her. 

She is really, truly, deeply remorseful for what she did and relieved beyond words that Allison survived. 

And here’s what Luther knows: 

Vanya went off her meds, possibly by choice. 

She is angry, and most of that anger is directed toward her family—particularly Allison, given her “There is nothing fair about being your sister” tirade. 

She is unreasonable, blaming others for situations she created when she does not like the result. 

She is quite possibly more powerful than the rest of her siblings combined. 

Her first act upon coming into her powers could very well have been the attempted murder of her own sister. 

It’s not just the fact Luther is acting on limited information that’s crucial to the understanding of this scene. It’s what his information was limited to. We see all the evidence and we know Vanya is, while not quite innocent, definitely not acting out of any sort of intent to harm. Luther sees a fraction of what we see, and what he sees is enough to convince him she needs to be contained until they know what to do. For all he knows, she’s returned to finish Allison off and kill the rest of them. 

Now, I hope you’ll pardon a small tangent here: Diego receives much love for insisting that “She needs our help, and we can’t do that if she’s locked in a cage.” Fans point to his being locked in a cell despite his innocence as the reason for this empathy—and all that makes for good character development, but it ignores one vital piece of the puzzle: 

The police didn’t know Diego was innocent, either. 

From his perspective and our perspective, he’s innocent. He was heartbroken and inadvertently planted evidence on a scene he didn’t arrive at until after Eudora’s body was cold. Fingerprints, possibly hair and other bits of DNA were left behind, and when all that is put together with his take-no-shit-from-nobody attitude, the fights he and Eudora had, their possibly acrimonious breakup, and the fact that the last time they were known to speak together, she lectured him on his childish antics and kicked him out without allowing him to speak in his own defense….well, it’s enough to build a strong case, that’s for sure. The police gain much ire for locking Diego up on suspicion alone, but that is literally how the criminal justice system works. If there is evidence beyond a reasonable doubt, the suspect is kept in custody until the police can be certain they did not commit the crime in question and will not commit a similar crime once released. A failure to follow this step can allow a serial killer to roam free (and it has, on several notable occasions). No, it’s not fair or right that Diego could have been convicted on mostly circumstantial evidence; but suppose he had been guilty of a cold-blooded revenge killing. Should the police have let him go then? Should they have said, “Well, we have this evidence against you, and it makes a pretty compelling case, but we’re not 100 percent sure, so be free and try not to kill anyone else”? Point is, they didn’t know what they were dealing with—innocent man or cold-blooded killer—and so they had to err on the side of caution. 

The same principle applies to Vanya. I don’t think Luther was planning to leave her there indefinitely. I am certain he didn’t think she would suffer a psychotic break. He was probably intending to wait a while, give her some time to cool off, and then try to talk to her and see if she’d tried to kill Allison or if it had been an accident. Locking her up was not the right choice, and it was not a kind one, but from his perspective, it was probably better to play it safe and keep her from hurting anyone else. We know she wasn’t guilty, just as we know Diego wasn’t guilty. But the evidence against them both was strong enough to convince the police and Luther that they needed to be kept under watch and kept from hurting anyone else. 

I don’t think Luther was right to ignore his siblings. I think he should have listened to Allison especially, when she said to let Vanya go. But I think I know why he didn’t, and I’ll cover that in my next installment. 

******

Running count of trauma mentions (cumulative of all episodes thus far)

Own Trauma: Vanya 10, Luther 11

Trauma of Others: Vanya 5, Luther 4

*********

*Stands for CALM THE FUCK DOWN. 

**I have a lot more to say about Pogo and his loyalty to Reginald, but I’ll be a good essayist and keep this one focused on Luther and Vanya. 

Read on to Part Nine

[clairen45]

The Bridge Trope in Star Wars and what it may mean for IX

Besides being iconic markers in our daily lives, bridges are an awesome symbol:

transition and a boundary between sky and earth, life and death, real and imaginary, mortal and immortal,  good and evil, civilization and the wilderness,rich and poor, old and new

marking both a connection and a separation through time and space, between people, between places

Which is why, they are so easily used in stories as a decisive step in a hero’s journey, the Rubicon moment, the ultimate test, when through wit, trick, or strength, a bridgekeeper must be defeated. Let’s say it is a hero’s journey and fairy tale classic.

Add to that the fact that bridges are quite the war movie cliché, they are obvious landmarks to destroy, and vital targets to control. Destroying a bridge often means isolating and weakening the enemy, depriving it from communication and food, water, or medical supplies.

So, of course, we get to meet the bridge trope again and again in Star Wars. And, more often than not, the bridges we get are bridges of Death. From the Phantom Menace’s Duel of the Fates

To Han’s death in The Force Awakens.

It is actually fitting to say that both scenes constitute an interesting framing for the Skywalker saga. Duel of the Fates is a very apt name for the beginning of the saga. Remember that Anakin’s name is etymologically “Ananke”, that is to say Fate, Destiny. Anakin’s fate is in the balance there, and the end result of who gets to become his Master and teaching him about the Force is key. Had Qui Gon lived, possibly, there would not have been any Vader. As for, Han’s death in TFA, the constant play of words between sun and son, and the not so subtle imagery of light and darkness, is supposedly all about Kylo’s fate. If Qui Gon’s death is possibly the first step towards the fate that will turn sweet lovable Anakin munchkin into big bad Vader, Han’s death is the counterpart of this scene, thus the first step towards big bad Kylo turning eventually into lovable Ben Solo. And just as it took three movies to realize the Fate of Anakin, it will take three movies to realize the Fate of Ben Solo. But I digress. Or not.

Because both stories, which interact like mirror images of each other, are perfectly hinged around two other crucial bridge scenes. One in ESB. And one in ROTJ. You know what I’m talking about, right?

And these two are also counterparts. ESB’s bridge scene is Luke’s symbolic death scene: learning the truth about his father, and losing his hand, he would rather choose death and commit suicide. ROTJ’s bridge scene is Vader’s death and Anakin’s redemption, with Luke accepting the truth, Vader losing a hand, and choosing to save his son’s life. Even the placement of the actors emphasize this idea of mirror image. So Luke gets his Troll Bridge twice: he fails the test the first one, falling to the chasm and falling apart, and succeeds the second time around. Doing what? Throwing away his saber. Choosing love. Refusing to kill.

But I would also like to stress out that, from a certain point of view, Luke is not the only one who gets tested there on the Troll Bridge. Anakin, just like his son, also fails the first test and passes the second. In ESB, he has little to no love to offer and tempt Luke to his side: he offers the vague promises of the power of the dark side and ruling the galaxy together (which didn’t work with Padmé either). In effect, he is selfish, abusive, scarring his son physically and psychologically, and does not seem too distressed when Luke lets go and falls “presumably” to his death. In ROTJ, he chooses the losing side, standing against the Emperor to save his son’s life, which he knows, will eventually cost him his life. Thus, he is showing empathy and remorse, and saves Luke through a selfless act of love.

Yep, that is what the OT is about.

And, arguably, these two scenes constitute the very axis around which the other two trilogies are built. Hence my first “digression”.

It is also very interesting to note that in the four cases exemplified so far, the “bridges” in question are seemingly “reactor cores”, excuse my tech ignorance. These scenes are never about bridges out in the open, over a river, connecting two shores. They are always played out over a chasm, surrounded with energy fields, in dark environments with a possible fall into a bottomless abyss... Two possible interpretations:

because they are battle of the brains, moral battle of good versus evil within oneself. Inner battles. Think grey cells, cerebellum connections, as a map for these duels.

because they are battle of the heart. Issues of love. “core”

Honestly, I think they both go together!

Symbolically, they are your typical “choose the right path” bridges, the life and death, good vs evil bridges.

The many bridges of Luke

If you actually consider the OT, Luke’s journey is very much rhythmed by a series of bridges. Which might seem ironic for a boy coming from a desert planet with no water, and thus, no use or concept for bridges (besides rocky arch formation such as we see during the pod race in PM). But consider the last name GL decided to give him: SKYWALKER. That was not the orginial name he had chosen, right, since in first drafts Luke was called “Starkiller”. Consider then what a huge difference it makes when you move from a very martial moniker “Star/killer”, which is all about destroying life and light (and Luke actually comes from “light” etymologically speaking) to choose something that means: the one that walks the skies. Not flies. WALKS. And if you walk the skies, chances are you are walking on a bridge of some kind (like mythological rainbow bridges). Crossing a bridge is very much akin to walking the sky: you are suspended between heaven and earth. So even the name GL chose for his star family is all about “walking” on bridges.

The “bridge” moment in ANH is rather brief, but quite interesting. It is actually the “NO BRIDGE” moment, the one when Luke and the Princess find themselves locked out with no crossing, and stormtroopers shooting at them. This moment:

What does it reveal about Luke? His ingenuity, since he uses his farmboy utility belt to cross the bridge, but then also his instincts, the fact that he can rely on his roots (what he learned as a farmboy), his audacity, his ability to take a leap of faith (something that will play out later in his relationship with his father). But it also sets him apart as a different kind of hero. The NOT MY LUKE people should really pay attention to these details. Sure, he plays the hero, saves the damsel and everything, but in this scene they work together, she also gets to protect them, he trusts her with defending them, she is the one giving him a kiss for luck. This is very positive masculinity. Heroic, but not pushy. Manly, but respectful of women. Physical but also using his brain. Luke is such a dear.

In ESB, the big bridge moment is the one I already referred to. The moment of truth. Having these two characters on a bridge is very clever of course. It’s all about meeting in the middle. A bridge is by essence a balancing act. Can they meet halfway or will they cut all connections? Can opposites reconcile? Will they connect/reconnect? What better way to talk about human emotion and love than put them on a bridge, the very metaphor for communication, leap of faith, and the possible danger of reaching out to the other with your feelings?

But ROTJ goes even further with the bridge metaphor. Going with this when Luke reveals the truth to Leia...

To carry on with Leia and Han, where Han shows more of his emotions ans proves how supportive and selfless he can be when he is just there to comfort her in the end, putting away his jealousy and self-doubts:

Followed with this, for Luke and Vader’s first meeting since ESB when Luke calls him “father” for the first time and tries to bring him back:

To conclude with the bridge sequence already mentioned when Vader chooses to be Anakin all over again.

WOW.

And where does it all take Luke? To a water planet with NO bridges. Seriously. When VII opens, Luke has chosen to sever, metaphorically speaking, all the links to others. As if he had chosen to destroy every bridge that could connect him to Leia and the rest of the world. And when we see him going about the island, there are no bridges. He jumps from one cliff to the other. Interesting thing is on The Art of The Last Jedi you get to see some of the art concepts that they had for Ahch-To that included a lot of variation on bridges:

But eventually they went for the very design that removed any bridge from the place that Luke has chosen to spend the remaining days of his life until his death. Which is, I must say, a very good choice. He disconnected himself from the Force, he disconnected from people he loved not telling them where he hid, it made absolutely no sense to put him on a place that was covered with bridges. The bridges were meant to be burned.

That is... until one very last moment. Which is the perfect segway into my next chapter... Until the end. When he projects himself for one final face-off with his nephew. And that is a big bridge metaphor about reaching out across the stars. And we know that when Luke is on a bridge with someone he loves, this doesn’t mean harm or spite or revenge. Or even fighting. Bridges in SW are not so much about fancy duels as they are about love. Yep, even in PM. There is the love that Obi-Wan (yes, even a Jedi) feels for his master, and the need to extend and take care of a little boy that is all alone in this galaxy. A leap of faith. Love. Which means...

The ST is about crossing that bridge

Yes, there are bridges in the ST. And how Kylo and Rey are going to be able to cross over and meet each other. Let me explain. This happens at the end of VII:

Visually, it tells us that there seems to be no possible bridge between the two characters. Yet, the whole point is that they keep on looking towards each other. The bridge,aka the connection, is their eyes (mirrors of the soul yadiyada). And sure enough, comes VIII, and the bridge is there. WTF, will you say? What bridge are you raving about. Well... that one...

The Force bond.

And how do I presume calling this a bridge? Because...

It was I who bridged your minds

Interesting choice of words. But there it is. Put it as plainly and simply as you possibly can. The Force bond is a bridge, a spiritual bridge between Kylo and Rey. That’s quite something, right?

Which means that, there may be some physical crossing of some kind in IX. Now, I don’t want to be presumptuous and declare for sure, but it would seem like a logical concept. And on Vic Mahoney’s moodboard...on the left, some of the pictures seem very bridgelike...

And that’s also where I want to bring in that clever little TV kid show called Star Wars Rebels.

Take it to the Bridge

So Star Wars Rebels came before the release of TFA, in 2014, merely two years after Disney bought LF and therefore all the rights to Star Wars. Let’s look at what they did there and let’s wonder why. I don’t think that it was a random move on their part. They could, after all, have imagined something that took place right before TFA, or come up with the many adventures of Luke and the gang, or even spend more time on the Clone Wars, or go way back in the Old Republic. But no 14 years after ROTS, 5 years before ANH, is the time they chose. And came up with a totally new gang we had never heard of. Except that... well... the new gang got to meet A LOT of familiar faces. From all over the place: Hondo, Rex, Ahsoka, Vader, Leia, Mon Mothma, Bail Organa, Obi-Wan, Darth Maul, Yoda, Lando, C3P0 and R2, Palpatine, just to name a few... The point is that they get to meet people from the PT AND people from the OT. Thus (you know where this is going) bridging story lines. And, surprise surprise, what special name did they choose for their hero? Ezra Bridger. Gosh, that’s not even subtle, there. And by the way, what does Ezra mean? Helper. So Ezra helps bridging... aka, Star Wars Rebels helps bridging, connecting, if you will storylines. Towards a logical conclusion. And what is this conclusion, pray? The ST of course. And who stands on the bridge? Kylo and Rey.

Even better, what particular storyline did they preciously choose to keep to conclude this new Star Wars story:

the return of the Mortis Arc, balance

the World between worlds, and its very specific bridges that cross through time and space, and the possibility to alter the past/future, plus bringing back loved ones

looking for knowledge (last time I checked it was not so much about knowledge in the PT and OT). But Ezra’s story is all about knowledge.

love and sacrifice, saving the people you love (Ahsoka, Kanan, Ezra), and, come on, Hera and Kanan’s baby (by the way, Kanan is very reminiscent of Canaan, the Promised Land, so keep the prophetic aspect in mind)

Again, how will it play out in IX? I have some ideas but I really can’t tell whether it will show up or not. There have been rumors about an artifact (very SW Rebels) that would require both Kylo and Rey’s powers. So knowledge. So possibly with notions of Mortis implied in there (balance). Love, sacrifice, we have discussed a lot. Remain the bridges. I can totally envision an important scene taking place on a bridge, with Kylo and Rey embracing, or running to each other, or holding hands while everything else around them crumbles. I can also imagine a bridge playing out with an intimate scene as we got in ROTJ in the Ewok village, something akin to the terrace where Anakin and Padmé first kiss on Naboo and finally get married. Again, the film has already been shot. So too late for that already and there’s a fat chance that it won’t even happen. But since we got a bridge of death in VII with Han’s death, we need a bridge of light.

Which might just turn out to be the symbolic bridge of Rey and Kylo coming together and finally uniting the light and the dark sides...

Leaving Simon and Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Water behind as a great Reylo vibe. Seriously. Reylo vibe, guys!!!!

When you're weary, feeling small When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough And friends just can't be found Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down

When you're down and out When you're on the street When evening falls so hard I will comfort you I'll take your part, oh, when darkness comes And pain is all around Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down

[ripjerome]

was jerome born crazy or was it jeremiah’s fault?

                                                        Jerome

Jerome was either born crazy or he snapped as a result of his childhood abuse. I can’t tell which one it is. Let’s not forget that Jeremiah wasn’t the only manipulative one. Even if it only lasted one episode, we saw how Jerome had his own alternate persona when he met Jim Gordon for the first time. Jerome had a “mask” on, so to speak, to trick people into thinking he was normal. My question is: has he been wearing the mask since the beginning? Or did his environment slowly cause him to be this way? At first glance, I was ready to conclude that Jerome might’ve been “born bad” as Jeremiah stated. What ultimately made me hesitate was the small, yet telling, revelation that was made about the twins’ past. Jeremiah flatly admitted to having fabricated certain accusations made about Jerome. Apparently, Jeremiah lied about the incidents when Jerome supposedly held a cake knife to his throat or tried to set his bed on fire. When confronted by Jerome, Jeremiah admitted he stretched the truth, but he didn’t feel bad because he knew Jerome wanted to do those things. This revelation changed my entire perspective on what I thought I knew about Jerome. His brother’s lies caused their family to turn on Jerome and thus started a life of torture for the young boy. Could the mental and physical abuse be the reason why Jerome developed his antisocial personality disorder? Is this the reason why he went out of his mind and eventually killed his mother? On the other hand, was Jerome just born crazy? Would Jeremiah’s fate have been the same as their mother’s had he stayed with the circus? I have to ask this because why would Jeremiah assume that Jerome would want to act so violently towards him in the first place? Had he witnessed something dark in his brother back then? Was Jeremiah right to worry? It is possible that Jerome had always been a little “off”, but it hadn’t manifested itself into action just yet. So, either Jerome was born batshit crazy or he was born a little off and then the abuse inevitably led to a complete mental derailment.

                                                                                                     Jeremiah

In Jeremiah’s case, I have no doubt in my head that he has always been insane. I believe that he was just better at hiding it. Certain revelations have led me to believe that Jeremiah has been manipulative and calculating since the beginning. Jeremiah’s false accusations towards Jerome caused their family to turn against him. When Jeremiah fled, he basically left Jerome to be fed by the wolves. Fueled by false accusations and substance abuse, Lila Valeska and company physically and emotionally abused Jerome every day. Jeremiah certainly played a big role in the torture of Jerome. He has always been the better manipulator of the two. He has always played innocent on the outside but has been crazy on the inside. He manipulated his way out of the circus life, into a rich family life where he could expand his intelligence even farther. On top of that he knows exactly what he did to Jerome, so he went ahead and build a maze, and formulated a capture plan in anticipation for his brother’s escape. To further confirm that Jeremiah has been a fake nice guy, he got sprayed with crazy gas, but he did not lose his mind. At least not like everyone else does. He still had the composure to formulate a whole plan to trick Jerome’s followers and Bruce. He could still put on the fake persona, as exemplified by him acting innocent again. The difference between pre and post-gas Jeremiah is that the gas had encouraged him to shed the mask that he’s been sporting all his life. What was left was his true nature, and a new complexion. Jeremiah likes to play the long-con. He’s kept this innocent act for so long and even tried it again when confronted by Jerome in the maze. Of course, Jerome saw right through it. When he was being led up to the stage at Jerome’s hostage concert, again he seemed afraid and powerless. Yet, there was a moment where his real personality slipped through the cracks. We all saw that eye-roll. I wonder if Jeremiah ever revealed his true nature to Jerome when they were both alone or if he still played innocent. In the case that he would drop the act when alone, imagine how infuriating that must’ve been for Jerome to know that his brother is lying about him and no one else in the world will believe it. How isolating.

In Conclusion, Jeremiah is petty af.