#To Mars and Back

[bubblefemmestims]

stimboard for my oc from a comic me and my lovely gf are working on, cyclops diamond :)

☕☕☕ / 🎸 - 🎸 / 🛹🛹🛹

[a-tiny-frog-girl]

To Mars and Back ch. 6

first // previous // next // (ao3)

Chapter 6! Special thank you to Becky and my other proofreaders for this chapter! Reblogs >>> likes

warnings: self-waterboarding, trauma trigger and flashback, implied abuse, injury mention, accidental fearplay, panic attack, Criminal Minds typical violence (mentioned), implied kidnapping

words: 3,126

summary: The BAU talks to Mars to find out some things they didn't know. Mars isn't sure how to feel about telling them.

"Just try to remember as much as you can, don't stress about the details." Morgan said. Mars hummed in agreement and shut her eyes. "Picture the building you were kept in. What does it look like?" He asked "It's run down. There are vines breaking through the wall and dirt everywhere. It has an entrance room, a basement, the cage room, and one more room, I think." Mars focused as hard as she could on the picture in her mind. "Can you see a window?" Morgan asked. "Not from my cage. I think if I... Yeah, I can see a window from the table." Mars said. "Can you see what's outside the window?" Morgan asked. "Trees. Lots of trees. It's a forest as far as I can see. I can see the front of a blue car, but I can't tell if it's a wreck or actually usable." Mars said. "Can you see a license plate?" Morgan asked. "I can see part of it, but I don't remember the numbers. It's just blurry." Mars squeezed her hands into fists as if it would bring her memory into focus. "Sorry." "It's okay, don't worry about it. Is there anything else you can see?" "It's flat, there's no ditches. I don't see any flowers." "Okay, how about the building itself? What is it made of?" "It's wood. The round wood things." Mars held out her hand as if to feel it. "It's old, I think." "A log cabin?" Reid asked quietly as he walked past. "Yeah. I think it's a log cabin." Mars affirmed. "Can you hear anything?" Mars stiffened at the words. "I-- There's, um, cars. In the distance." "Can you hear anything inside? Any plans?" Morgan pried a little harder. "N-no, I--," Mars winced at a sound only she could hear. "I didn't hear much..." "What are you hearing right now?" Morgan asked again. Mars' body curled up at the question as if to protect herself. "It's-- It's, um," She took a shaky breath and tried again. "Sorry, um, I- I hear, I can hear--" Mars stuttered. Her fingernails dug into the flesh of her palm as tears stung her unopened eyes. "Stop." Hotch interrupted, voice low. "Mars, remember you can tell us you need to take a break any time." "I don't need a break." Mars said stubbornly. "I'm fine." She rubbed the tears out her eyes and shut them again. "I think we should stop, at least for now." Morgan said. "It's too soon. There's no reason to put this much stress on you right away." But there was. The other borrowers were still there, still going through what she had miraculously escaped. She couldn't leave them there. Did they not know? Reid did, but he was in the other room with Rossi, Prentiss, and Garcia. Maybe he hadn't told them yet. Mars took a deep breath. If they were going to help, they should know. Their reactions would tell her more about them, too. Why did it feel like she was trying to convince herself and failing? "Mars?" Hotch asked softly. She had been lost in thought for a little bit now. Mars just had to say it, get it out before she could think about it any further. "There are more. Like me." Mars said. She wanted to hide, to look away from the humans in case they reacted badly. But she had to know. She had to be ready. "More people your size?" Morgan asked. Mars nodded stiffly. "Belovich has them. They're still there. I- I can't leave them there." Mars said. There was a pause, shock flashing over Morgan's face. Hotch's face stayed terrifyingly blank of any emotion. "How many?" Hotch finally asked. "25? 30? Maybe more, I'm not sure." Mars' voice wavered under the pressure. Hotch and Morgan locked eyes, communicating silently. "Does he have some sort of machine to make people like this?" Morgan gestured at Mars. Mars tilted her head, confused. "How does he make you small?" Morgan clarified. "He... doesn't." Mars said, as though it were obvious. "Is it someone else?" Morgan was confused now. "We-- I was born this way. This size." Mars answered, arms crossing over her chest self consciously. The statement surprised the two men so much that it showed even on Hotch's face. "Reid?" Hotch turned and called into the other room. "Be right there!" Reid responded, his footsteps coming closer in an instant and shaking the table minutely. "What's up?" He pulled out a chair and sat down, careful to not scare Mars. "This is Mars' natural height." Hotch said, forcing his voice to stay even. Mars looked up at Reid, watching as confusion and concern took over his features. "What? That's-- That doesn't make sense. How could a human be born that small?" Reid said. "Like Belovich shrinking people is any more reasonable." Morgan said.

"I'm, uh, not." Mars' voice petered out as everyone turned to her. "Not what?" Reid asked. "Um," Mars wrung her hands. "Human. I'm not a human. Or a person, I guess." "But you're literally just a smaller human!" Morgan said. "No, I'm a bor--," Mars redirected herself, not sure if she was ready to tell the humans their name yet. "I'm different. We're different than you humans." Morgan looked back to Hotch for some sort of support, but Reid's eyes glittered with curiosity. It made Mars' stomach turn at the sight. Should she have lied and gone along with them? The colony rules flashed through her mind. They'd have kicked her out if they knew one human had seen her. But just because there was no going back she couldn't betray her entire species just like that. "The others, the ones Belovich has, they're all like me." Mars took her spiraling mind off the topic. "They're not human. He knows that." "Mars, can I test something really quickly?" Reid asked. Mars only nodded because he had let some of the intense excitement out of his body. "Hey, Prentiss!" Reid called over his shoulder. Mars hissed quietly like a punctured balloon at the sudden volume. "What?" Prentiss replied. "Can I borrow your compact mirror?" Reid noticed Mars' flinch, luckily, and lowered his volume. "Why do you think I have a compact mirror?" Prentiss answered with a scoff. "Is it 'cause I'm a girl?" Reid stuttered, trying to find a response. "Hold on, I have one!" Garcia interrupted. There were a few quick clacking and crashing noises before she came running into the room and dropped a bright pink embellished circular object in front of Reid. He popped it open and stood, sliding the mirror to point at Mars before crouching behind her. Mars waited for instructions, but none came. Reid's eyes were on her and the rest of the humans were staring at him. She'd have to figure it out herself. She closed the distance between it and herself and shakily reached out a hand to touch it, glancing back at Reid to make sure she hadn't done anything wrong yet. "It's okay," Reid reassured her with a soft smile. With that confirmation, she leaned in to look at the mirror. For a second, she was surprised by her reflection. She reached out, hand pressed against the almost unfamiliar girl's. For the first time she saw the deep colored eyebags and bruises that covered her body. Her hair was far messier than usual with strands sticking out from the bun she had corralled it into days ago. After another quick glance back, she carefully untangled the yellow ribbon from her hair, letting it free to flow down her back. She pulled her fingers through her hair, detangling every knot she found. Then she held the yellow ribbon in her teeth as she regathered her now calmer dark hair, using the mirror to check that she had every lock and tied the ribbon securely. Now her reflection looked a little more like when she had last seen it a lifetime or two ago, she thought. Or the best it could be despite all the injuries. She turned back to Reid, still very aware of his stare locked onto her. She just wished she knew what he wanted from her. "What was the most recent dream you can remember?" He asked after a moment. "I dreamt I was home, but I was invisible and no one could hear me or interact with me." Mars answered honestly. She wondered what this had to do with the small mirror.

Reid suddenly stood and grabbed the mirror from behind her, snapping it closed. Mars yelped at the sound, imagining herself crushed in the cold reflective case. "Sorry," Reid apologized as he leaned over her to return the mirror to its owner.

"Want to clue in the rest of us on what exactly you're doing?" Morgan asked. "Oh. Yeah. The self-awareness test." Reid answered. The humans immediately understood whatever he had done like he had explained it to them in full detail. She would never understand humans, she thought to herself. "Why? People are all self aware, aren't they?" Garcia asked. Hotch sighed. "Hold on, Garcia. We might as well tell everyone at the same time." Hotch tapped some buttons on his phone, making the every phone in the next room beep once. The last three people shuffled back into view, making the massive human room feel crowded. Mars hadn't even known that was possible. "Okay, quick update. Mars?" Hotch said. Mars' heart froze in her chest at the realization that she was supposed to confess that she wasn't one of them. For a second, she sat silent in inner turmoil. Reid gently set his hand within arm's reach of Mars, startling her out of her panic. He gave her an encouraging smile, and she took a deep breath. She just had to get this over with. "I'm not a-- not human." She pushed the words out, leaving them to sit with the humans surrounding her. Last time she hadn't known that they'd had a reason to react at all. Now the terror of 'what if' was all she could think about. "I've always been this tall." She added, remembering the confusion. The silence that followed made Mars terrified to look up from the table she sat on. "Belovich and his people found us and took us away from our homes and families to--" Mars' voice cut out. She wasn't ready to talk about that yet. She cleared her throat and started again. "There's a whole bunch like me in the hideout-thingy. We have to go get them out." Desperation slipped into her voice. "Hey, it's okay, we're going to find them as soon as we can. Just breathe, in and out." Reid reached closer, cupping his hand protectively behind Mars, breathing deeply to model the calming strategy. "Where do you live if you're always this small?" Prentiss asked, bemused. Mars froze in the middle of her breath at the question. These were the types of questions she was never supposed to answer. There was only one question worse that she could think of. At least they hadn't asked her what she is. "You don't have to answer that." Reid hastily butted in, seeing the fear paralyze her. She looked up at him and despite the kind smile he was giving her, she could still see the spark of curiosity in his eyes. He wanted to know too. "I-I--" Mars started, pushing down the tears welling in her eyes. "Seriously, it's okay. It's just a dumb question." Prentiss offered. She was right, it was just a dumb question. Mars took a shaky breath in. "I live in a human house. I think we all do, but maybe some of us live outside?" Mars straightened her train of thought away from the tangent. "We, um, take stuff to survive." She finished, wincing at how that sounded. "So other peop- humans know about you?" Morgan asked. "No. We hide and only take stuff that won't be noticed. Or needed." Mars added on at the end, trying to not paint herself as a thief. "Where do you live that humans don't notice?" Rossi crinkled his nose in thought. Mars hesitated before answering. "In the walls." "So you tiny people live inside the walls with a bunch of stolen shit?" Rossi asked in disbelief. Mars flinched like she was hit at the profanity. "Rossi!" Morgan hissed through his teeth. "Mars, breathe. In and out. No one's going to hurt you." Reid focused her back on him. "We kinda have to. If we had a different way to survive we would." Panic edged into Mars' voice as she tried to manage the tone into an apology. "It's okay, Mars. Nobody's mad at you for doing what you had to to stay alive." JJ said. Mars' eyes darted back and forth, looking for any sign of anger or contempt on all the members of the BAU, still not resting when she didn't find any.

"I think those guys that took us were." Mars gestured to a scar peeking out from her shirt. "We aren't them." Hotch stated firmly. "I-- I know, sorry, I, um, I just--" Mars' words tangled and jumbled at the sight of his stone face. "Mars. Breathe." Reid cut her off, getting down to her level and making eye contact. Mars' breaths were erratic as she tried to find some way to fix her mistake. "We're called borrowers." She finally blurted out before slapping her hands over her mouth, hyperventilating. "Rossi, get a cup of water. Prentiss, grab that half empty soda bottle." Hotch slipped into boss mode seamlessly. "Reid?" Mars didn't know what any of that meant, especially not the last bit. Was Reid supposed to do something to her? He wouldn't, right? She looked up just as Reid's other hand rose over the table to complete the semi circle he had started with his hand cupped behind her. Mars gasped at the hand enclosure that formed around her, blocking her from the world. "C'mon. Deep breaths." Reid said, muffled by the hands keeping her in place. She couldn't read his tone, not through her gasps for air and his hands. It might have been an order. It probably was an order, Mars thought. She forced her breaths to slow down as far as she could, feeling faint from lack of oxygen. Whatever she had to do so they wouldn't hurt her. In an instant, Reid's hands disappeared back to where they had come from, replaced with a tiny plastic basin filled to the brim with water. "Drink." Mars heard, the speaker and the rest of the sentence lost with everything else in her head. That was definitely an order, though, so she scooted over to the water and leaned down to scoop water into her mouth like she hadn't seen it before in her life.

"Whoa, whoa, Mars, calm down!" Someone said, the sentence far away in her state of pure panic. Her mind felt weaker by the moment. Was she allowed to stop to take a breath? She really needed one, but she was afraid to risk it. "Mars, Mars!" She didn't respond until fingers closed gently around her, holding her still while removing the water. "Mars, look at me. Please." Reid said. She turned to him, eyes wide and shaking so hard he was worried she'd topple if he let go. "You're not in trouble and no one's upset. You're safe, okay? I swear you're safe. Breathe with me." Reid took a comically large breath to keep her attention before letting it out slowly. Despite how gently he held her, he could feel her hummingbird heartbeat racing in his fingertips. "I'm sorry we scared you. We didn't mean to." Reid reassured between breaths. "Wh--" Mars was cut off by a coughing fit from her abused throat. "We wanted to make you feel better." Reid explained, correctly deducing the rest of Mars' question. "You're having a panic attack. Sometimes water and less noise and light can help. We didn't mean for you to hurt yourself." "Sorry," Mars managed to say through her coughs. "It's not your fault, Mars." Reid said in a softer, sadder voice.

Mars' coughing died down and she sat down, trying to breathe in a pattern that felt like it wouldn't kill her. "Can you tell me why saying that you're called burrowers made you have a panic attack?" Reid asked gently. "It's, um. Borrowers. We borrow stuff." Mars corrected, avoiding the question. "Borrowers?" Reid checked to make sure he heard right. Mars nodded. "Why did that make you panic?" He repeated calmly. Mars sighed anxiously. "I'm not supposed to tell humans anything about us, especially that we're Borrowers. No human is ever supposed to find out about us even existing." Mars answered the actual question. "Who says you aren't allowed? Why?" Reid asked. "It's just a bo-borrower rule." Mars stuttered, feeling uneasy saying any of it out loud. "You saw what happened to me when those humans found me. I'm just lucky those guys decided to keep our existence from the rest of the world or we'd all be screwed." "I'm sure most humans would be decent to you guys." Garcia said, creasing her brow. "We are, right?" Mars stopped, looking between Garcia and Reid, hoping an answer would fall out of the sky. That question was a trap, she was sure. "It's more about the risk, Garcia." Hotch eventually cut off the roaring silence. "Humans can do anything to us. We can't-- We can't stop you. Them." Mars said quietly, shaking noticeably again. "We won't do anything to you or your friends." Rossi said gruffly. "But you could. If you ever changed your mind--" Mars' voice wavered at the thought. "Nothing will change our minds, Mars." Hotch softly cut her off. Mars looked down at the table, too afraid to meet anyone's eyes, tracing a scar under her pants leg out of habit. "I know this is scary, trusting a bunch of strangers. But you're being really brave and you're doing the right thing." JJ added after a moment. Mars still didn't look up from the table. "Why don't you and Mars go take a break in the other room." Hotch said to Reid when it was clear Mars didn't feel like talking anymore. Reid nodded and laid his hand next to Mars. Mars stood and stepped on, trying to ignore the stares she could feel focus on her, and sat down cross legged. She never lifted her gaze from the ground. Weight pulled at her stomach, something between guilt and fear, plus the vertigo and dread made her almost sick with worry. She just wished these humans would drop the facade and turn on her already.

[the-sp0tless-mind]

[frenchublog]

[martinsorbit]

and why do fools fall in love?

[milky-shea]

Sister hairstyle swap ✨

[caemidraws]

Last session notes

[randanopterix]

Hangman spending months trying to destroy Swerve and once he succeeds looks back with an incredible grief

[xobloodletter]

what if caesar's legion was a matriarchy

[bubblefemmestims]

a stimboard for my oc mars, to match with his partner's :3

🎨🎨🎨 / 💎 - 💎 / ❤️❤️❤️

[a-tiny-frog-girl]

To Mars and Back ch. 5

first // previous // next (ao3)

Welcome back to long chapter town! This one is also a little rough, but of course, the tw's will be just below this so you can decide if this chapter and/or story is for you. No shame in taking breaks for your mental health. Hell, I'd even recap it minus triggers for you in my dm's if you wanted! Anyways, love all of my readers lots and I hope you enjoy! (reblogs/comments >>> likes)

warnings: implied abuse, blood and injury mention, accidental fearplay, panic attack, Criminal Minds typical violence (mentioned)

words: 4,061

summary: Mars bonds more with the whole team over food, bandages, and casework. Can she trust them enough to let them in on the situation?

Mars woke up as she always did. Carefully. She didn't open her eyes or change her breathing pattern to pretend to still be sleeping until she was sure it was safe. She noticed the sounds of pages turning too frequently for it to be a borrower. So she was in proximity to a human. Only then did she notice the softness of the surface she laid on and the warmth of the fabric draped over her. It sang a siren song of comfort, almost lulling her back to sleep. 

Instead, Mars focused harder on staying awake and figuring out where she was. Why wasn't she in her cage? Was she going to be in trouble when she got up? Was it a trap? Mars racked her brain but the sleepiness clouded her memory. She covertly opened her eyes to look at her surroundings and found herself in the middle of a sea of fabric, white and untouched like fresh snow. She closed her eyes again and turned her body, making sure it looked like a random movement she made while she was asleep. At once her leg and back started throbbing with pain. It took all her effort not to cry out. She bit her cheek, drawing blood. 

Yesterday's events came back to her with the pain. The new humans, the hotel, the food given freely, the dilemma of trust. Finally, Mars let her eyes flutter open and stretched with a groan, officially awake for all to see.

"Morning." A voice rough from sleep rumbled from above her. "Did you sleep okay?"

Mars nodded, not exactly sure what would be considered okay sleep. It didn't really matter anyways.

"That's good. Hotch and most everyone left to the precinct earlier this morning. They figured you probably wouldn't want to go, so Hotch told us to stay here. Garcia's next door in the suite." Reid said. Mars nodded again in response.

"Do you think you would be up to helping us today?" Reid asked, studying her body language to make sure she wasn't upset by the notion.

"Help you?" Mars echoed suspiciously.

"We want to find Belovich, the guy who kidnapped you and put him away. His whole gang, too." Reid said. "It's our job, remember?"

"How could I help with that?" Mars asked, confused.

"You were at his hideout, right? If we can find it we can probably find enough evidence to get him and his underlings in jail, or at least hold them for long enough to get what we need." Reid said. Mars stiffened at the last sentence, recalling the shelves lined with cages exactly like hers. 

"They have more like you, don't they?" Reid read her like the book he was still holding in his off-hand. "It's okay, we just want to help." His voice was soft and caring, but Mars couldn't help the fear that raced through her body. Now the humans had a reason to treat her nicely. How long had they known? Was she just a means to an end?

Mars started to curl in on herself, only stopping when she felt a stab of pain in her back. Warmth soaked into her bandages, turning them red if they hadn't been completely red already.

"Damn, your bandages need changing." Reid noticed. Mars couldn't help but flinch at the swear, even though it was comparatively less harsh than others. She hoped that he had just noticed her leg because otherwise, it meant she stained her only clothing. But luck was not on her side as she reached back to feel the cloth damp and her fingers red where she had touched it. At the realization, she turned to look at the pillow she was still sitting on and her eyes widened at the splotch of blood. Automatically, she turned to look back at Reid, fear in her eyes. 

"Oh yeah, that is a lot of blood. Do you feel okay? Are you dizzy?" Reid asked worriedly, turning her fear to confusion.

"I'm... a little dizzy," Mars admitted, still tensed, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

"The first aid kit with everything in it is still in the suite, is it okay if I take you over there?" Reid dropped the blood stain as if it was completely unimportant. Maybe he'd forgotten somehow? Mars wasn't going to push her luck either way. She nodded and waited for him to scoop her up again.

She startled slightly at the poof of air the hand disturbed as it dropped, palm open, next to her.  It was the same gesture as last night, an offer to get on. Mars stared in surprise for a moment before bringing herself to her senses. His patience wouldn't last forever. She gracefully untangled her legs from the fabric she had been using as a blanket and pushed herself to a stand. Her leg complained, but she pushed herself off and took a step into his hand. 

"You might want to sit down, just in case." Reid said. Mars nodded and lowered herself to a seated position.

"Okay, you ready?" Reid said with the same anxiety from last night. She nodded, but in her head, she was thinking hard. Could he just be worried that she wouldn't give up the location of the others? Could it possibly be genuine worry? Mars went to bite her lip in thought, hissing in pain as her teeth made contact with the open wound on her cheek from a few minutes ago.

"You okay?" Reid stopped mid-step to check in on Mars.

"Mhm," Mars said, still lost in thought.

"You sure?" Reid asked, putting a finger gently on Mars' back for support. It shook Mars out of her brain, but she was surprised when it didn't feel... bad.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Mars answered honestly, meeting Reid's eyes. He smiled and continued on, then knocked at the door in front of him.

"Who knocks at the lair of genius unrestrained?" A voice called from inside.

"Uh, Dr. Reid?" Even Reid seemed surprised by the strange words. There was the sound of mechanics in the door and the door clicked open, Penelope Garcia on the other side.

"And here comes sleeping beauty! Dost thou wish to commend me on my magnificen--" Garcia stopped as Reid stepped into the room, staring at Mars.

"Garcia?" Reid asked.

"Sorry, I, uh, thought she was a weird dream." Garcia said. "Mars, right?" Mars nodded and waved, which had the exact same response as last time. A returning wave and an awed smile.

"How can I help you two?" Garcia asked, sitting back down in a comfortable chair in front of a laptop.

"Mars' bandages need changing." Reid said. "I thought maybe she'd be more comfortable if you did it." He looked at Mars, checking his theory. She didn't seem to have a strong reaction.

"My dear, I would love to. However, my hands are made for hacking, not re-bandaging." She wiggled her fingers as if in demonstration. "Wish I could help." She said with a shrug, then immediately went back to tapping away at the keys.

"It's okay." Mars said, just loud enough for Reid to hear. "You can fix it, I don't mind." Her voice shook a little, but she meant it. 

"You could do it by yourself again if that would make you more comfortable!" Reid said, the nervousness from before creeping in again.

"I don't think I can unwrap the one for my back." Mars admitted with a shaky sigh. It wouldn't be too bad, she just had to get it over with.

"Okay. If you're sure." Reid said, sounding unsure himself. "You can tell me to close my eyes or whatever would make you feel better." 

"It's okay." Mars said again, mostly convinced of her words.

Reid let out an anxious breath that ruffled her messy hair and navigated towards the couch and short table from last night where the kit was still sitting. He started depositing Mars as he had before, but stopped, seemingly rethinking it. He put his hand flat on the table like he had to pick her up earlier and waited. Mars looked up at Reid who gave her an encouraging smile and decided that she was meant to get down by herself. Another surprise, much less alarming than having the floor drop out from under her. It was a little harsh on her leg, so she sat down as soon as she was settled on the table.

"Okay, do you want to do your leg or your back first?" Reid asked as he grabbed the gauze and other medical supplies.

"Leg. Um, please." Mars hastily corrected herself.

Reid nodded and reached toward her leg outstretched in front of him. He hesitated for a minute, hand hovering an inch away. He looked up at Mars and when he didn't see any dissent, began to carefully peel the gauze from her leg.

The cool air stung against her still open wound, but not enough for her to care much. She was more focused on the fingers the size of her torso.

"Did you put any bacitracin on it yesterday?" Reid asked. 

"bass-ih-tracer?" Mars sounded it out, racking her brain.

Reid pulled a tube about the size of Mars out of the first aid box.

"Oh, uh, no. Was I supposed to?" Mars' voice raised in pitch with worry at the end.

"No, no, it's fine. We should just put some on now. It'll keep it from getting infected." Reid explained. Mars nodded and Reid took off the cap.

"It might feel cold," Reid warned Mars, squeezing a bit of the gel onto his fingertip.

Mars held her breath, but it wasn't as cold as she imagined. She let out a sigh of relief.

"Might have miscalculated how much you needed." Reid said, most of the fingerful of medicine still unused. "Oh well. I can use it on your back?" The end of the sentence turned upwards like a question, so Mars nodded once, her hands tight in fists to distract her from the dread pooling in her stomach. 

"So, um, how do you want to do this?" Reid asked awkwardly.

Mars took a shaky breath. Take the dress off, turn around. It seemed so simple in her mind, but she was shaking even though she hadn't moved. Take the dress off, turn around. Turn around, take the dress off. She repeated to herself in her head. Just take the dress off...

In one quick, fluid motion, Mars pulled the cloth over her head and dropped it next to her. Her hands grabbed onto her arms the moment they were free with such force she didn't think she could release them if she tried. For a second, she stayed frozen, staring at the pile of blood-soaked clothing. 

Only when the cold seeped in did her brain process what she had done. It felt wrong, felt terrifying to have taken it off on purpose. Her face slowly rose, expecting to see the look of hunger and greed that she had seen so many times before on Dr. Reid's face. 

But the shock Mars felt at her actions was mirrored by Reid. 

"Are you... okay?" He asked carefully, backing up to give her a little more space.

Mars' hands clamped harder onto her arms. She shivered a little and looked away. She couldn't even pretend she was okay. Wordlessly, she stood and turned around, her back facing Reid. 

"I'm going to start taking off the bandages now." Reid said in a quieter voice, giving her a few second's notice before even reaching out. Mars still flinched at the touch. Reid paused when he felt her jerk away and waited for a moment before starting again. 

"Can you lift your arms, please?" Reid asked. In her head, Mars wasn't sure she could. But somehow, with the question, her hands let go of her upper arms and her arms moved out of the way, like they were voice activated. 

She felt the human's shadow fall over her and his breath tousling her hair. She watched his hands appear in front of her with the bandage, carefully unwrapping. She tried to keep her shivering at bay as she watched the fingers bigger than her whole body disappear and reappear, taking up her entire vision and going away faster than she could ever move. It would have been hypnotizing if she weren't fearing for her life.

"Okay, I got it." Reid said as the cold hit her back. "Hold on, the medicine's next." 

The cold gel sent a shock of cold through her body, making her gasp in surprise. Then the burn it caused crept in. Mars' body was confused, shivering and aching all at the same time.

"Sorry, I just gotta rub it in a little." Reid said, a little nervousness entering his voice again. "Almost done, I promise."

When he removed his finger, the cold burned even worse. Whatever heat he had been giving Mars pulled away with his hand and her shivers nearly knocked her off her feet.

"Arms up." Reid said in a patient tone. Mars complied, not having even noticed her arms come down from before.

"Tell me if it's too tight, okay?" Reid asked as he started wrapping again. Mars nodded. His hands danced around her again, carefully keeping a steady pressure. The pad of the bandage felt better this time, Mars vaguely thought. It must have not been in the right place last time.

"Is that good?" Reid asked. Mars nodded. It was less loose than last time, certainly. That was probably good.

Reid curled his hand around Mars, turning her back to face him, and handed her her dress back. Between his fingers, it looked so small. Was she really that small? She pulled the dress over her head, still shivering. The clothing had lost any warmth it had held. 

"All done." Reid said, offering his hand again. Mars walked robotically forward and almost collapsed into his grasp, leg upset from the amount of standing she had done.

"Geez, you're really cold." He said.

"Sorry." Mars managed to mutter through the haze in her brain.

"Don't be." Reid said softly.

Reid walked back over to the dinner table Garcia was sitting at and sat down. He flattened his hand on the table, but Mars looked up at him with big, sad-looking eyes and he cupped his hands gently around her. He wasn't going to make her get off and be freezing.

Mars surprised both herself and Reid by relaxing back against his hand. Her body was so exhausted she couldn't fight it. Or, at least, she didn't feel like she had to.

Some amount of time later, a beep from the door woke Mars from her sleepy haze. She sat up and peeked over the edge of Reid's hands just in time to see the door open and a flood of people come through.

"What a surprise! Our boy genius made it out of bed! Welcome to the land of the living!" Morgan teased loudly. A paper bag crunched against the table, startling Mars into hiding under Reid's thumb. The rest of the humans were all talking to each other and though they weren't as loud as Morgan, the noise added up and Mars couldn't help but cover her ears.

"Hey!" Hotch's stern voice cut through the sea of voices. "Quiet down." Mars curled up at the tone, even though the words helped her. Thankfully, the rest of the humans listened and quietly apologized. Mars was sure it was to Hotch and not to her.

"Where's the kid?" Morgan said with a tinge of panic from somewhere further into the room.

"Over here." Reid said just loudly enough for his voice to carry. The thumb that had been keeping her hidden lifted away. Mars looked up, trying not to let the anxiety of everyone staring at her get to her.

"Good morning." JJ said with a smile. Mars returned it as best she could.

"We got you a few things." Hotch said to Mars as he pulled out a chair to sit in. He reached into the paper bag and pulled out a smaller wooden box. He opened the latch and slid it towards Mars and Reid. 

Mars leaned over the edge of Reid's curled fingers to inspect the box. Inside were small bundles of fabric of various colors.

"A few changes of clothes. I'm not sure if they'll fit, but I can go look for others if it's too big or too small." Hotch supplied.

"I can sew, too. If it's just basic alterations, I mean." Reid added.

Mars’ jaw almost dropped out of shock before she collected herself. It was a nice gesture, but if she showed too much interest in it, they might take it away to make her behave later. The idea of real clothes instead of whatever the other humans who had kidnapped had forced her to wear felt amazing, she couldn't let it slip away.

"Thanks." Mars said shyly. 

"Don't worry about it." Hotch said with a small smile. "Do you want to try some on right now?"

Mars looked alarmedly around at all the humans watching her.

"We can set you up a private place, so you can change without anyone looking at you." Hotch reassured her.

"Yes please." Mars said, nervousness churning in her gut.

It only took a few minutes for Mars to find and put on some clothes from the box, with help from Reid getting to and from the bathroom, of course. Her borrower instincts demanded she pick dark clothing. The black t-shirt and navy blue pants were much nicer than her old dress. Her pants were slightly too long, and even though she tried to cuff them at the bottom, they fell past her feet. Another obstacle the humans had created so she couldn’t run away, her cynical mind said. Her logical mind shot back, how could they have known which pair of pants she’d pick?

“I brought lunch for you guys. Well, breakfast for sleep-a-roo here.” Morgan shoved Reid playfully just enough for him to nearly fall out of his chair. Mars flinched at the large, sudden motion and tried not to think of how the power it would take to nearly unseat a human could kill her in an instant.

“Ooh, you got Dick’s burgers? Remind me to thank you later.” She said with a wink at Morgan.

“I’ll hold you to it, baby girl.” Morgan bantered right back.

Mars blinked a couple of times, unsure what she had just overheard.

“Oh, I didn’t know what to get for you, so I got a few different sides. You can try my burger if you want.” Morgan said as he pulled paper-wrapped objects out of a bag.

“For me?” Mars had barely processed the clothing being gifted to her. She was not ready for another act of generosity so soon. Her stomach churned even more as she wondered if this is how far they went to be nice, would they go even further when she stepped out of line?

Any hunger she had felt had long ago left her, whatever space it would have filled doing somersaults instead. But when Morgan pushed a paper plate toward her, she crossed the distance for the food despite her leg and stomach. She would be insane to not take food when it was offered while she was with these unpredictable humans. She reached for a piece of food but stopped when Reid’s attention turned to her. It was being offered, wasn’t it? Mars held her breath for a second, silently asking for permission and hoping this wasn’t where they turned on her. Reid didn't nod or shake his head, instead reaching toward her. Mars' legs shook even more. She wasn't sure her hurt leg could handle this much longer. Although if Reid killed her now, that wouldn't matter much, would it? 

His hand stopped right in front of her, placing a piece of meat and cheese on the plate before disappearing back to Reid's side of the table.

Mars sank to her knees, still shaking slightly. Reid didn't seem to notice as he went back to his burger. She looked away just before he took a bite the size of her whole body. She felt sick, but she grabbed the piece of meat and cheese and took a bite anyway. 

"Garcia, any luck on the plate?" Hotch said from behind Mars, making her squeak in surprise. Luckily, the sound was drowned out by the humans above her.

"Just another stolen car. Big cities have tons of 'em." Garcia replied with a sigh. "It's like this guy doesn't exist! I can't even find a highschool yearbook with him in it!" 

"He doesn't seem like the type to know how to live completely off grid. These days with mobile phones and cards for everything, he'd have to actively avoid the internet. That's gotta take brains." Morgan said.

"He's right, most Americans use Google regularly these days. If he even searched for nearby bars on a normal device, we'd have something on him." Reid said.

"These encryption methods are crazy smart, too. I could have written these." Garcia added. "That guy must have been some kind of computer whiz."

Mars couldn't help but scoff at the idea of that man being anything more than literate. Every member of the team in the room turned to her at the sound, most of their faces unreadable. 

"Sor-Sorry I–" Mars' words stopped in her throat, feeling like a loose bite of food trying to strangle her.

"It's okay, Mars." Hotch's deep voice startled Mars into jumping slightly. "Did you know something about him?"

"He, um, wasn't smart. At all." Mars said nervously. "I think the boss does all the crypting or something."

"So that would mean all the encryption would be the same then?" Garcia asked.

"Probably, I think. I didn't really see any of it." Mars answered.

"So if I can crack this, I can crack any of the gang's computers! That's genius, Mars!" Garcia's eyes sparkled as she aggressively tapped at the keys on the keyboard. Mars turned bright red at the compliment, turning back to the food she was eating to distract her racing brain.

"Did you overhear anything else? It might have seemed like nothing, but it could point us in the right direction." Hotch followed up.

"I don't-- I'm not sure I can really help. I'm not, um, very good at this stuff." Mars said quietly.

"You just did help us, just now." Reid pointed out. "But if you don't feel like talking about it, that's okay."

Mars hesitated, tapping her hands together as she thought. They had been helping her and being generous. It would be nice to help them in return. But what if that was their plan to get the information out of her? Mars scooted herself around to face Hotch.

"Why do you want to find those guys?" She asked. 

"They've been killing a lot of people and getting away with it. We want to stop them and put them in prison so they can't hurt anyone else." Hotch answered.

Mars noticed that Hotch hadn't mentioned the other borrowers at all, almost like he didn't know. But it wasn't enough information to decide if she could trust them yet.

"What if," Mars stopped mid-sentence to take a breath. "What if I don't help you? What'll you do with me then?" 

"A lot of people don't want to talk about bad things that happened to them. Other victims we've talked to haven't been able to help us before. It wouldn't change the way we act if you don't help us. You don't owe us anything." Hotch said. Mars turned the words over in her head, examining them closely and looking for loopholes. Other victims... he had to be talking about humans. They didn't seem like they'd ever met anyone like her before. Was he comparing her to a human? The people who had taken her barely even considered borrowers animals. The thought of the other borrowers made memories of cages covered in blood and dirt appear in her head. It was easy to say things and not mean them, but Mars couldn't let the others rot in there.

"I'll help as much as I can."

[the-sp0tless-mind]

what's the point of all this anyway, right? ♡

[syrena-del-mar]

Navigating the Conflict in My Stand In: Surrender and Softening in Love

(Disclaimer: Ming/Joe is an incredibly toxic relationship; I fully realize and acknowledge that, but Poom makes a critical distinction in Joe's reasoning, and I think it's interesting to dissect. Also, this is fiction.)

It's been some time since I've written any meta, but I can't stop thinking about the video @poomphuripan shared of Poom making the distinction that Joe isn't giving in to Ming, but rather, his heart is melting for him.

It makes so much sense that Joe would melt at the littlest semblance of 'love.' He was so alone for so long. His parents have been dead for longer than he had them, he has no siblings, and his extended relatives don't care about him. I forget if it's mentioned in the show, but in the novel, Joe had a pretty big crush on Sol, and Sol rejected him quite brutally. Even without meaning to be, Joe is always alone at the end of the day.

Yes, Joe has friends, and yes, Joe made his own found family. But at the end of the day, Joe would return to an unlit, empty home. Everyone else would return to their wives or families, while Joe could only return to the pictures of his parents. Meanwhile, for all of Ming's bs and frightening behavior, he was the only one that made his dream come true.

For the first time, with Ming around, Joe would come home and be greeted by the warmth of another living, breathing person. Joe craved to have a human bond, and Ming was the one who was willing (albeit for his own interest) to give it to him. And he cooked for him. He took up space in his home! He remembered the very things Joe had told him he longed for. They had a lot of good times, a lot of good memories, and a pretty set routine that really integrated Ming into Joe's life. But then they fight, his blissful reality breaks, and Joe dies.

But Joe wakes up from what feels like a day's nap when, in actuality, two years have passed. And what does he find? Ming has cared for his apartment since his death and is unwilling to change anything just in case Joe returns. Ming continues to fulfill Joe's dream of returning to a warm home. So he turns on the lights, and he cooks the same dinner that they used to share for two years. And even in his rightful anger of wanting Ming to leave him alone, he's still seeing that. In the two years since his disappearance, someone still thought about him and hadn't fully grieved him. Ming's brother only confirms that.

Giving in would mean that Joe wanted to end the fight with Ming, when no feelings had changed. It'd be him emotionally surrendering himself, compromising his feelings of being just a double for Tong, and fully conceding himself when he still thought that Ming only saw him as a replacement. While Joe might have given Ming access to his body to pay his new mom's debts, he was still blocking Ming out as much as he could. But that's not why Joe forgives Ming; it's not for a superficial reason to stop the feud. There's a visible shift in how he perceives Ming, the guy who waited two years for him, who protected and filled his home with warmth, just in case he wasn't really gone. His motivation was rooted in the slivers of positive feelings he had for Ming, which allowed him to move past the anger that he held for him.

A quote that I've seen floating around the internet for years comes to mind. "And when nobody wakes you up in the morning and when nobody waits for you at night and when you do whatever you want. What do you call it? Freedom or loneliness?" Joe has had that freedom for the majority of his whole life. It's no longer freedom for him. But even his found family isn't fully aware of the loneliness that would wash over him when he would return to an empty home.

After all is said and done, he sees that only one person knows him intimately enough to understand and learn even the most mundane of his desires. Ming, even with all the toxic shit he has pulled, stood by his word of not letting Joe return to an empty home. For Joe, that was enough. It changes how he sees and understands Ming.

It's also why Sol and Joe would have never worked out.

As Poom said, ultimately, it's not that he gives in to Ming but rather he lets his heart melt when he sees exactly what Ming has done for him in his absence.

Even after everything, Joe still loves him.

[nopefer-art-tu]

Home is where I want to be, but I guess I'm already there

I come home, she lifted up her wings. I guess that this must be the place

I can't tell one from another—Did I find you, or you find me?

There was a time before we were born

If someone asks, this where I'll be

Where I'll be

[ironmars]

Bestie serves looks!!! I drew 3 of 'em <3

[caemidraws]

---